#i just sound Insane at this point. whatever
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tbh there's a scene thats so clear in my head, just gotta iron out the details:
Sonic is sent off to find Shadow, claiming he can talk to shadow and get this mess sorted out (were still in classic style btw).
At the cave:
Maria lay sick in a makeshift bed, hidden in a dark cavern with a hole at the top, moss hanging down. There was some kind of battle, after Eggman attack Knothole, and Shadow/Gerlad/Maria were spotted, assumed to be in cahoots with Eggman. Sonic doesn't think they would have done something so brutal and this its a misunderstanding. He wants to hear Shadow's side, but all he finds is maria, laying sick, pale and seemingly in a coma. Maybe he find shadow by her bedside instead? Shadow spin dashes him/tries to chase him off, but sonic warns him that maria needs the royal's help. that she's seriously sick. Shadow wants nothing to do with them, convinced they'll jail them both for their relation to Eggman and Gerald. By this point, Gerald's been captured and will likely be sentenced to treason/death.
"You might not want my help, shadow... but she needs it..."
"I was created to help her, just go away!"
"I'm your friend, shadow, Im not going anywhere."
"I didnt have friends before, I don;t need them now...!"
"Well sucks for you, doesn't it--"
Maria tenses up, likely in pain, stopping them from fighting. Shadow moves to help heal her, but his powers are depleted after whatever fight went on, so he struggles to help as Maria slowly fades away. He begins to tear up, desperately pushing himself, but he doesn't have any energy left. I feel like she'd apologize, maybe this is where the promise scene occurs?
"Shadow..." He looks up, surprised she's awake again,
"I'm sorry I broke my promise...I couldn't support you like I said..." She smiles.
Obviously he could care less, telling her it's okay, "But Please promise me Shadow... promise to protect this planet for me... That you'll appreciate everything it has to offer..."
"M...Maria?" The moment of clarity makes shadow's stomach drop.
"Shadow, you gotta let me take her!"
"Promise me... you'll bring hope to all of Mobius..."
As her eyes close, Shadow panics and breaths heavy, like right before you start to cry kinda breathing. "Sonic...!" He abruptly turns, desperately crying out,
"if youre really my friend-- p-please! Please help her...!"
Sonic doesn't argue with him about joining, instead quietly nodding and taking maria back to the castle.
At the castle:
Sonic brings maria and tries to convince Sally's father, who's shocked,
"Are you insane?! That monster will already be desperate and full of rage when he realizes we captured his creator! Why would you bring her here?!"
"He's gonna be pretty desperate and angry if anything happens to 'er too!"
Sally joins and says something like "He trusts Sonic, maybe this is a perfect time to establish a line of trust with us, get him on our side before Eggman gets to him!"
The king reluctantly agrees, having her taken back. He decides to give Shadow space for now and formulate a plan, avoiding pressuring him... or so he tells Sonic and Sally.
That night, at the cave:
Shadow lays in the makeshift bed, noting the dried blood. He curls up in a ball, tense, all alone for the first time. He has to trust sonic... Sonic knows he wouldn't hurt people...right? He hears a sound and thinks sonic finally returned, but it's guards, who used sonic's communication device to track where sonic went. He tries to escape, but his powers are too low to warp away and they over power him. He tries to explain he never hurt anyone, that he was trying to help. The scene ends with Shadow Crying out for Maria, for help. Sonic would return after a day or two, not finding Shadow, no matter where he looked... He would have assumed Shadow went back into hiding considering Eggman seemed to know nothing about him... In reality, the King couldn't kill him, so they held him up, deep under the castle with specially made shackles/capsule. They wouldn't connect for years... maybe 8 or 10?
I can't decide if he'd be awake or not, maybe partly awake? Like he wakes up years later, after they stop maintaining his capsule? Myabe once Chaos is defeated, that energy passes by him and he escapes? Myabe Eggman finds him like SA2?
Maybe after Perfect Chaos is defeated, all that energy passes through Shadow, reinvigorating/awakening him. I have such a clear visual of sonic and shadow meeting again as he rips the castle apart...
based on this:
#shadow the hedgehog#sonic the hedgehog#sonic x shadow#sonadow#shadonic#sonadow comic#shadow#sth#classic sonic#sonic x shadow generations#maria and shadow#maria robotnik#shadow and maria#sonic and shadow#sonic su#shadow au#sonic satam
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there's like 4 or 5 ppl on here that have their posts passed around a lot that i hate sm lol. i think they're insufferable and quite frankly really fucking mean/bordering on bigoted but oh well 🌚 as long as they're 'funny' ig it doesn't matter
#⦻#pulling the plug and blocking them idc how much others love their posts im OVER IT#i just sound Insane at this point. whatever
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Hi I'm thinking about writing a h2g2 and gravity falls crossover fic. I saw your post awhile ago and I was wondering if you had any idea on how the two fords would interact.
Oooh this is a really good idea!
Hm, I haven't properly watched Gravity Falls in a while (I KNOW IM SORRY), but comparing their personalities from what i know they have a couple similarities and differences.
For first interactions I'm not entirely sure how or where, neither of them are naturally social but if someone were to start a conversation it would be Prefect, and once they realize they're both named Ford P. they'd hit off perfectly.
I think they'd love to go out for a small drink and talk about their outlooks on life, about space, their own traumas and relationships, about their research and studies with their respective books (Pines to the Journals, and Prefect to the Guide), and about their plans for future. This interaction could also be a lot funnier depending on the tone you wanted to take.
Ooooh they could also rant about their annoying family members (Zaphod and Stan)
They would also engage in an epic game of Dungeons & More Dungeons no doubt
#if you ever end up writing this fic please feel free to send me it when you're ready i would love to see it :)#okay okay im not sure if you were only planning for the fords to interact but a full crossover is immediately interesting me now#hmm maybe the HoG malfuctions with the improbability drive on and it crashes into the mystery shack immediately i think that would be silly#i'm really interested in bill and arthur interactions now as well. they barely have any similarities but it sounds really funny#oh wait they could relate to their world's being destroyed...even though bill's the one who destroyed his own world#i think the pines twins would immediately lose their marbles over ford and zaphod being *real life* aliens#ford prefect would give dipper his copy of the Guide that man would give a 6 year old a laser blaster this is tame for him lol#mabel would be super insane over the fact that zaphod has 2 heads and 3 arms and was also a president and zaphod would. not care#(i head canon he dislikes children)#i think a mabel and marvin interaction would be cool too#uber depressed and uber excited#i also need zaphod and stan relations yeahhhhh 2 greedy often self-absorbed criminals probably wanted across all 4 dimensions#i want to see trillian and arthur summon bill cipher by complete accident because they were bored and they are simply just Normal Guys#neither of them would be surprised to see a floating yellow triangle with a tophat. they've seen too much at this point this would be norma#someone needs to restrain me i've made too many tags#ANYWHO happy writing!! im sorry if i sound demanding you get to choose whatever you would like for your story i just got a little silly#i hope i answered your question enough#h2g2#the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy#ford prefect#gravity falls#ford pines#stanford pines#ask#tumblr asks#lucifers gluttony#lucifers inferno
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alright!!!! kitchen CLEANED ‼️ carry on PACKED ‼️ now i just need to do my homework and then maybe take a really really really quick (4 hour long) nap before dinner/online class. then i will grind on the silly silly why did i decide to do this animation meme/animatic until 3 am hits and i've gotta hit the port. the AIRport :3
in exchange for my incredible unprecedented productiveness i made this little doodle just now. i'm actually a liar i did this in school but still
#honestly killer could be doing fuck knows and i wouldn't even know. still love him though#at this point???? at this point i dont even keep up with his characterization i will not lie#horror and dust are my favorite children im sorry killer. you'll get your time to shine when the seasons change#which is probably soon idk man whatever i love them all ewually :333#anyways killer's just not sleeping in that one. bro's had the longest streak of no sleep he aint breaking it now#erm ACTUALLY he's looking at the viewer and therefore breaking the fourth wall and thats soooooo cool#triglycercule what are you on#why are they all sleeping in the same bed#well obviously because they didn't wanna deal with multiple#but also they cannot be bothered to cuddle close together#dust kicks too much. horror steals too much space. killer sometimes just sits up for several periods of time#worlds craziest sleep#killer actually could be sleeping in that one but i just dont know#but triglycercule didnt you draw this and therefore should know what he's doing?????#idk man killer's an enigma i cant control him 💀💀💀 he does his own shit whatever#i lov making killer so crazily abnormal its so silly#who cares about canon (i do) ok well still im having FUN doodling#shut up and get back to rereading askdusttale and horrortale and something new#alright........ (pitifully limps away)#i tag some things rants when its actually art but i just dont want my art tsg 2 be littered with doodles#maybe thats bad. maybe i should start tagging properly#ok rant tag removed........ iGUESS this is art#euaghhhhhh but its just a DOODLS!!!! IT DOESNT DESERVE TO BE CONSIDERED GOOD ART WORTHY OF THE TAG#but triglycercule art is art no matter if doodle or not. stop belittling yourself for naught!#i hate when i get inspirational and supportive on myself man can i just suffer without some knowitall up my ass#i sound insane rn what am i doing. the bit is not funny#and i changed my mind this is a rant again not art#tricule rant#see it WOULD be both if i wanted to do dual tags. but i dont
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‘Puter mari can’t read rooms. Or screens I guess
#my girl I’m SO normal about her#goes INSANE!!!#omori#omori au#omori mari#I’ve been just developing her character in my head because it’s so interesting#she’s mari but NOT mari at the same time#she has her own little quirks and parts of personality which she in turn questions if that makes her really mari#every single detail about her character is like a concentric circle#it just keeps going and going and the concepts derivative of previous concepts get deeper and deeper#she’s in the depths of an existential crisis let her brood#she IS very bad at socialising and reading rooms and moods and stuff#she’s been trapped her whole life!! both in the game’s storyline and literally on the computer too!!! give her a break!!!!#cw sui mention#some little facts about her for those interested#she speaks with like this tweaked tts that sunny made#in which he adjusted it enough so that it sounded like mari to him#:(#so like. whatever voice headcanon you have for mari bitcrush it and make it choppy thats her#she was the first vocaloid!!! puter mari did it FIRST!!!!#she also gets more advanced the more she’s around#at some point she figures out how to start transferring into electric appliances#sunny’s microwaving leftovers and his microwave starts talking to him in puter mari’s low resolution ass voice#BSJDJDJNZ I love her#I’m purposefully ignoring like the entire angst aspect of her character rn#it’s silly time!!!#ough puter mari you will now forever have my heart#I have more little facts about her lmk if you wanna hear them!!!#puter au
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I've actually had enough of posts like "THESE shippers are being vitriolic, so as a showrunner I would never appease them and instead go hard on this other ship" like besties, there are idiots everywhere, why the fuck should one side "be appeased" over another? I guarantee that whatever take you saw from the "side" you don't agree with there's an almost word-for-word exactly similar post from the "side" you do agree with.
#showrunners shouldn't listen to fans at all actually#oh just because you happen to see only one side you think the other is free of shame? think again!#“they're writing stuff saying this character should get killed” yeah and? the other side have written stuff saying this OTHER character#should get killed what's your point?#i hate to sound like a centrist but you are all fucking insane thinking whatever side you're on has the higher ground lmfao#ok irritated quota of the day probably filled by this post i'm gonna go chop wood again
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ok after listening to the english version of the death note musical....... unpopular opinion i think but i actually prefer the japanese version? dont get me wrong, with some of the songs i do think i might like the eng version more but..... idk i like the lyrics of the japanese version a lot more? and obviously i only know them via a translation but i know for a fact that the entire focus of certain songs are different between versions.
like in the english version of the game begins, L is talking about his strategy to track down kira. but in the japanese version, he's more so talking TO kira directly and saying that he's going to take him down from his "god" status to hell. or mortals and fools, which had a wholeee different vibe in the japanese version being called like a cruel dream. and uhhhh am i insane or was rem's song before she dies an entirely different song? cause in english it was like a sort of generic love song that was pretty chill considering the context, while in the japanese version it was this superrr melancholic and striking ballad she sang while floating around misa.
idk but i really do think i prefer the japanese version. but the og english version is good too!!! i really liked hurricane and the way it ends in particular
#in ''the way it ends'' btw light saying to L ''i've always stayed a step ahead; but you were with me all the way'' almost made me cry WHATTT#WHO MADE HIM FUCKING SAY THATTTTT THATS SUCH AN INSANE LYRIC#but anyway yeah i think i prefer the jp version a good amount#another thing was um. and this might be a stupid thing to be weird about but. L's actor was too passionate for my tastes#<- that sounds insane but if you know anime L you know what i mean right. like hes pretty reserved#and i felt in the japanese production i watched L's actor there was still a great performer and singer like putting work into those songs#while still keeping that air of L being more reserved and like. flat almost? i feel like the guy playing L in the eng version was too much#like ''im BELTTTINGGGGGG HOW IM GONNA FUCKING CATCCHHHH KIRA!!!!!!!!!!'' like bro calm down......#ITS A GOOD PERFORMANCE it just doesnt read as L to me. and like thats fine whatever its an adaptation#but also in the japanese version they still did that adaptation while making L feel more like himself. so idk man#but anyway I WANNA SEE THIS NEW LONDON PRODUCTION SOOOOOOOO BAD#IVE SEEN PHOTOS AND IT LOOKS SO GOOD THE SET IS SOOOOOO COOL LOOKING OML#i need to see this musical live at SOME point in my life. pleaseeee can we get a north america production after this#serena.txt#death note posting
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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Not to sound totally woo-woo but sometimes I have like. Dreams or mental images and afterwards I'm very aware that if I lived in another cultural context, this would be a spiritual or divine experience. And while I don't live in one of those cultural contexts, I think just recognizing those moments when they happen has actually improved my life.
#not to sound insane but I had a vision that cured my PTSD#which is to say I was listening to some music and thinking about my experience and the song writer's experience#and I had an incredibly clear and powerful mental image of like#my younger self going through that but not being alone#and after that those memories didn't hurt me anymore#so RATIONALLY yes I just got to a point where I was at peace with what happened or whatever#but also on some level I had a vision that cured me
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when people complain about getting like, a 98% grade on something because it was "so close to perfect" its like. i understand what you're saying on a technical level. but that is a line of thought so far away from my experiences and ways of thinking that i do feel like im from another planet. 100% isnt even a real number to me
#i kinda understand when its something like a multiple choice test or something where there is an objective answer#it might feel like u got so close but just missed one#again still a bit alien to me because my scholarly performance is mysterious and anything over 70 is great to me#but i mean ive had a 98 before once in a math test. i did get exactly 1 bit of 1 question wrong#but i didnt really care that it was one off from perfect i was too busy being happy because that was the highest mark id ever received#and the previous math test i had taken got a 53% . grade 11 was a wild time for me in math class GHJKSHFKds#anyway i kinda see where ur coming from with stuff with right or wrong answers like that#but i sometimes get friends in class complain that they got a 95 or something on an art assignment#because they think they got docked 5 points for one or two little things#but i dunno. thats not really how fine arts departments in university tend to grade things#you dont start at 100 and get docked marks for things you got wrong. i dont think ive ever seen a 100% on something like that#tbh the numbers are a little arbitrary i find. i do prefer to try to get em higher because that helps with grants and stuff#but the numbers dont mean all that much in fine arts or in art history (my two majors) a 75 and a 95 can function the same depending on lik#weighting and context and feedback and whatever. i dunno its a wild world out there#it might just be the perspective of someone who did really goodbad in school. (GoodBad (tm) its when ur good but also kinda bad at school!)#compared to someone who got a lot of perfects in mandatory schooling. i sympathise i really do that kind of pressure sounds insane#but while i sympathize i cant really empathize as much unfortunately with this specifically orz its a world very far outside my purview!#100%s arent real to me so they never cross my mind to be worried about LOL
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what do you do when the girl you spent the better part of the last decade in love with calls you up to tell you they dumped their girlfriend and quit their job and would you like to go spend a couple weeks on a beach in greece with them because they miss you and love you (not like that) . and you miss them and love them (not like that. anymore) and you’re probably not getting into grad school anyway and even if you did you can’t keep moving countries to start over because that doesn’t fix things and you could use the money you have saved that you were gonna put towards tuition to buy a plane ticket and sublet a beach villa instead. because you miss them and you love them and you’re tired of missing them and loving them has always felt good and you never feel good anymore and whatever maybe you can just have a lovely few weeks in fuckin greece and just. that’s enough you don’t have to try more than that they go back home and you stay on a beach in greece for as long as anyone else will remember . hypothetically. you should do that, right
#this is rhetorical look away!!!!#it’s an either/or : this or trying to go to grad school#but the thing is#at some point i convinced myself that a change of place and building a new life would make me happier than rotting in my parents house#in my hometown where i feel like im in a timeloop sometimes#but it wouldn’t? i Love my friends but. i am sad here and i was sad in scotland and i was sad in cambridge and. i will be sad wherever i go#it’s not a fixable thing#being around beth is a bandaid on it#so maybe i should slap the bandaid on buy a plane ticket and then. whatever i will be sad After or#i know i sound insane but the thing about being obsessive is that when one person physically has your back when you are 20 years old#it makes sense that they feel like the only thing that will help fix it#sorry this sounds strung out i have like three different things in my system that i will sleep off and be fine im not having a meltdown#this just feels like a Decision To Be Made and i thought typing it out would help give me some clarity or whatever#made a list but i wrote ‘washed your hair when you couldnt do it’ and i’ll be so honest that’s all the convincing i need to do#anything they ask of me ever#idk where my bank card is so no financial decisions tonight anyway#if u have read all of that. apologies and goodnight x#n
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seeing ur beloved mutual reblogging some questionable shit (probably unintentionally) but not having the energy to argue or explain why </3
#please i dont wanna have to be the one to correct u fuckers every time u reblog a mildly disguised dogwhistle#goyish mutuals please talk to some jews (who r knowledgeable and want to educate ppl)#cause stg some of the stuff i’m seeing is 2 steps below nazi propaganda#and ik its most likely not malicious but god i’m so tired#please educate urself on some stuff#bcz some of the shit ur rbing could easily be found on some neonazi page if u just (((added some of these around the word zionist)))#or just replaced the word zionist with “jews” or smthn#or idk just so many posts if u tweaked the language just a little but kept the same message it would be blatant nazi shit#and yeah sure the post sounds normal nd everything or whatever but u gotta remembered the point of dogwhistles is to seem innocuous#to signal to other nazis to make them sound more sympathetic and to make ppl calling them out seem insane#just please guys i’m begging u watch out for those posts that r like#“the zionists in hollywood r censoring x” or#“oh no! x jewish celebrity is scared of antisemitism in their big mansion? so sad! lets address their hurt feelings right away#dead palestinian children can wait!”#or whatever#like yes what israel is doing is beyond fucked nd the us being supportive of it is gross but please ffs watch what ur reblogging/posting#think abt if its denying/downplaying antisemitism#if u replaced the word “zionist” with “jew” would it sound like a conspiracy theory?#are u dehumanising jewish/israeli ppl in any way?#(bcz yes not every israeli citizen is the actual devil yk i dont think my 2 month old cousin ever bombed anyone)#yk just please think before u post/reblog jesus fucking christ#idk i kinda went off on a whole rant here oops-#antisemitism#ryan shut the fuck up
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun 👍. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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subaru count while waiting for the bus while my phone is almost dead: 23 or possibly 24 i didn't get a good look at some and also i have the memory of a goldfish. no offense to goldfish
#not as many as i was expecting honestly i saw a lot more toyotas#i feel like i'm destined to be a subaru owner idk maybe its the lesbianism but i think they're neat#<- guy who does not know anything at all about the breeds of car#the car i'm actually most likely to get at this point is my brothers very wealthy in laws used lexus ☠️ would that be evil#he said it would cost about 8k but they might give me a discount. and not to sound entitled but these people have MANY millions of dollars#so i KNOW they would not even notice 8k and i'm kind of salty about this. but whatever#hes literally a retired superior court judge of orange county and their family fund is possibly in the billions#they have a goddamn house in fucking hawaii that they dont even rent out when theyre not there it just is empty#and another house on a manmade island in socal 😭 who fucking does that#the guy is also a pastor because of course he fucking is. theyre nice people but what a totally insane way to live and i'm sorry but it is#evil to own a house in hawaii as a white person and then just leave it empty most of the time.#they paid off my brothers $50k+ in student loans when he got engaged also#they also feel bad for me because of my insane mother and dead father situation#so yeah if they were like we are giving you this 2013 lexus with less than 90k miles on it i would be like awesome thank you! and would not#feel bad about that even a little bit. considering 8k is almost half of what my current yearly income is set to be#it wont stay that way because i have to get a second job in order to live 🥰 so cool how capitalism works#me
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it actually hurts in ways you couldnt imagine
#txt#it isnt even that crazy or insane or earth shattering or impactful#i just think its so.................................. dare i say humanising#but also it shows how devoted he was to his mother :( and that stuff just really speaks to me#the relationship he had with his mum was so beautiful ahhh hannah nixon... ohhhhhh :(((#'my mother was a saint' urghhhh sniffle :(#it reminds me a bit of me and my mum. okay#thats the main reason why i care#and also 'i lost my temper and bit him' i wonder if he did ACTUALLY bite his cousin (if the letter is about going to visit that particular#auntie)#or rather if that was who was left taking care of him??#its just ahhh.... sniffle:(#i cant explain it i just think this letter is so beautiful#because he was a kid at one point :( and i get to read this beautiful heart breaking letter he wrote to his mum#because its also just so pathetic and sad on its own...#someone kicked him he bit the boy that did it. he got stung by bees and ran away crying and fell into a pond#and when he got home he was very sore.#and he wished his mum would come home right now :(#hmmm#well anyway#i love my mum so much#and i kind of see where that guy was coming from with the psychoanalysis#becaude his mum & pat were kind of similar in the sense that they were his rocks... you know#but the whole bit abt being attracted to his mum AND his brothers 😭 okay what are you on about babe#i sound insane whatever. god bless this precious little letter#us presidents
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i pass pretty much all the time but hm. ive heard interesting stuff from drunk ppl i know who dont know im trans
#''haha when my bf was talking about you and i asked to see a picture he showed me one and i was like... is that right? bc i thought that was#a girl in that pic. i mean only bc i didnt expect him to have any girlypop friends haha''#yeah i mean that is an average thing to say and not mean or anything but it hits a bit different when im trans#i mean the person saying that didnt know and if they did they would have never said anything like that#but it's still a bit. hmmm.#also the topic of my looks came up and it's funny how everyone thinks i'm cute#i wish i could b masc hot but im fine with being cute. not everyone can look good the same way#but like it's so common for the only compliment transmascs get being ''cute'' for various reasons but i think in my case it's just my#wavy hair and slight babyface and round features#which yeah ok whatever i'm still young - ive got plenty of time to start looking less like a boy and more like a man#as in even if i was a cis guy id look pretty much like this#though! im only 2 years on t so i cant wait what the future holds for how i'll look :3c#well almost 2 and a hlaf but yknow#also i have a slight. can i say this. ''tranny voice'' which. slay. but i was told i ''sound like a femboy'' which#once again super funny that ppl say that stuff bc they genuinely cant tell im trans#the only reason i pass is bc i get read as [justin mcelroy voice] kinda faggy#oh that guy over there with wide hips and feminine manners and voice and small feet and hands [compared to cis men] with an apparently cute#face who doesnt seem to know anything about stereotypical guy stuff? thats a cis man#and i love that#but also one of these ppl is not cis#if you saw me irl you'd know im insanely easy to clock for trans people#but yeah whatever im just amused by all this it's kind of fun having ppl not know im trans#but also i have a new friend who doesnt know and i think i should let him know at some point if it comes up bc idk man. it feels like im#living a secret life or something. like obviously no one has the right to know im trans but. i can make the choice of wanting someone toknow#but also hes my only guy friend who lives in this city. well technically not the only one i have another friend but we never hang out irl.#anyways i dont want to ruin our broship#i dont think itd get ruined and if it did itd just mean whatever but im still scared#agh idk#leevi talks
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