#i just rewatched it the other day and now i’m listening to the soundtrack

[dreamlandgirlie]

i will always have the biggest crush on jeremy jordan omg

[zepskies]

The Honorable Choice - Part 3

Pairing: Dean Winchester x OFC 

Summary: June 1872. Captain Dean Winchester of the U.S. Cavalry is tasked with one job: break a wild mustang. He just didn’t expect the woman who infiltrates his camp, intent on freeing her tribe’s horse.

AN: The last chapter! Hold on, it's about to get bumpy...

Disclaimer: I got inspired after a recent rewatch of Spirit: The Stallion of the Cimarron (literally a perfect movie), as well as having Yellowstone in the back of my brain. I’ve done extensive research for this one, both on the American Indian Lakota tribe, and on American history during this time in the late 1800s (AKA: the Old West, during the American Indian Wars and the Sioux Wars). Of course, one of my main goals is to avoid inaccuracies, both historical and cultural.

**Pronunciation guide at the end!

Jacklesverse Bingo24 Prompt: @jacklesversebingo Western AU

Song Inspo: The Spirit Soundtrack

Word Count: 5.7K

Tags/Warnings: 18+ only. Protective Dean, survival situations, smut (mutual masturbation, fingering, and more), angst, and fluff.

🐎 Series Masterlist || Bingo Masterlist

🎙️ Listen to the podfic version here!

Part 3: Worthy

They travel together for two more days. Dean isn’t really a talkative man, but inevitably, he finds himself speaking to fill the comfortable stretches of quiet plodding across the grasslands.

He tells her about growing up on his family’s farm, where his father was firm but fair, and a larger-than-life presence when Sam and Dean were kids. His mother though, she was the only one who could ever go toe to toe with John Winchester and win.

“She tamed him,” Mila remarks with a smile. Dean’s lips quirk in response.

“I wouldn’t go that far,” he chuckles, “but he knew he couldn’t pull a whole lot of shit with Mom. She’s a real pistol when she’s gotta be.”

Talking about them makes his heart heavy and sobers his mood, so he deflects with other stories, other chapters of his life. 

He talks about going through basic training alongside Benny Lafitte. As privates, Dean pranked his friend by filling his lumpy old pillow with raw eggs and chicken feathers. In retaliation, Benny swapped Dean’s morning coffee with actual dirt and hot water. Their boyish games escalated until they were nearly kicked out of the military.

Dean managed to smooth things over though. He’s always had a way of charming people, even the gruff Sergeant Major, Bobby Singer.

Mila admits that she and her cousin Šóta used to sneak out of the village when they were younger. He taught her how to climb trees, how to fight and protect herself, and how to ride a horse astride, like a man. He was the only one who ever encouraged her to have the “free mind” her mother dreamed about.

The more she confides in him, her eyes sparking with life and her hands gesticulating along with her words, the more Dean listens.  

On the third day, it’s nearing mid-afternoon when Dean slows Baby to a stop. After miles and miles of forest and grassland covered, they’ve finally approached a large, wide river. Mila stops beside him.

“My tribe lives beyond the river,” she says, “but the current is strong now.”

Dean looks over at her. A question he hasn’t wanted to ask crops back up. He feels that now is the time to voice it.

“Yeah, about that…I’m thinking your tribe doesn’t take very well to outsiders,” he says. “White men in particular.”

Mila presses her lips together. He can tell she’s been thinking the same thing, but she turns to him with a determined set to her features.

“I will protect you,” she says.

Dean frowns. He doesn’t like the sound of that. On one hand, it warms him that she seems to really mean it. On the other hand, he doesn’t want to know what it’ll take for her to protect him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he asks.

She turns her face away and doesn’t seem to want to answer at first.

“Mila…”

“The Chief is my uncle,” she says at last. “He will listen to me.”

Dean blinks. Well, that changes things…maybe.

He’s still not convinced, but at this point, he really doesn’t have many options. It’s either take his chances with her tribe, or become a vagabond. He’s not sure how long he could survive in wilds of the West alone, especially while trying to dodge military patrols.

In the past three days, it’s taken Dean all that time to come to terms with a simple fact. He’ll likely never see his brother again, or his mother. It’s a pain that cuts into him deeply, down to his bones. It stings behind his eyes.

But if he only has two choices, then he at least wants to make sure Mila gets home safely…even if that means he won’t be.

He’s come this far. If his career is worth the price of what he feels is right, then his life is worth it too.

With that decision made, Dean expels a long, somewhat faltering breath. He locks away the rest of his uncertainty, his apprehension, and even his grief. He hides deep inside, where she won’t see it. 

“All right, the current doesn’t look too bad over here,” he says, pointing to farther north along the river. “The horses can make it.”

Mila nods in agreement. She still looks uneasy, though she tries to hide it too. She ventures ahead into the river. Dean follows close behind.

The water is shallow at first, but it all too quickly gets deeper. The horses plod over the river stones and vegetation under the surface, and the humans are led deeper, until they’re submerged into the water up to their waists.

It’s good that Mila rides that giant mustang; if she were on a mare, like Dean, she’d already be sunk up to her shoulders. Baby’s a big girl, to be sure, but Mila is nearly a foot shorter than him, with a smaller frame. He watches her carefully as she makes her way ahead of him.

That’s why he’s able to act fast when Mato slips, dunking Mila under the water. She gasps and tries to cling onto him, but the current is fierce. It pushes Mato down the river no matter how much he scrambles and kicks at the water, braying wildly in distress.

Shit! Dean tugs sharply at Baby’s reigns and strives to catch up to them. He grabs Mato’s reigns and pulls and pulls, until he and Baby are able to drag him to the other side of the river where he can get a foothold with his hooves.

Mila is starting to fall off his back. She struggles to cling on while the river pushes at her, with her wet hair falling in her eyes. Dean leans back as far as he can to try and pull her up.

“It’s okay, I’ve gotcha,” he calls out, even though his heart hammers with alarm.

She reaches out for his hand in turn. Just as his fingers begin to close over hers, a wave from the current crashes into her. A short scream tears from her throat after she loses her grip on Mato’s neck. Without her weight, he’s able to pull himself back up onto the bank along with Baby.

Damn it! Gut-wrenching alarm spears Dean into action. He leaps down from Baby and removes his gloves, his hat, and his uniform jacket, so he can dive into the water. Thank God he’s a strong swimmer.

Mila seems to be too. She carves through the water against the current the best she can and tries to keep her head above the waves, but Dean can see it’s a losing battle. He manages to grab hold of her arm, and then wraps an arm around her waist to keep her close. Both of them work together to try and cling to any passing rock or low-hanging vine as the current sweeps them out toward an ultimate end.

A waterfall.

Of course. Goddamn it. Dean doesn’t know how steep it is on the other side, and he doesn’t want to know. All he’s trying to do is keep himself and Mila above the water.

She hooks her hand around a sharp rock. It bites into her hand, making her cry out, but she clings to it for all she’s worth. She holds onto Dean just as tightly, even though the current wants to take him. She tries to pull him closer, close enough for him to get a hold on the rock as well.

This time, it’s Dean who loses his footing. The rocks slip beneath the soles of his feet when he attempts to gain some leverage.

A shout of surprise escapes from him when he fails, and it gets swallowed up by water rushing down his throat.

“Dean!” Mila yells, for the first time using his name. The last thing he registers is the fear in her eyes—afraid for him.

The river takes him over the edge of the abyss, and he falls.

He never expected that he would get to open his eyes again, let alone to the sight that greets him. Mila’s familiar face, framed by the dark, drying waves of her hair, is bright with firelight. It dances in orange-gold across her features. Her eyes are warm like rich molasses when she looks down and finds him awake.

She smiles in relief.

He realizes that he’s lying on soft grass with his head pillowed in her lap. She’s taken off his boots and half of his white undershirt; she tore one of his sleeves to wrap around a mercifully shallow gash in his shoulder.

The horses are drinking from the river nearby, with a pile of apples split between them. There’s a fish roasted over the fire, but all Dean cares about is the way her fingers are running through his hair. She sings a soft song under her breath while she passes her other hand over his injured arm without touching it.

He doesn’t understand the words, but he thinks she might be trying to heal him. He’s heard plenty of stories about the Sioux people, most he’s taken with a grain of salt. He does remember Cas saying that their healers are different from doctors.  

Dean’s never given their hoodoo much thought, but right about now, he hopes it works.

“Mornin’,” he croaks.

Mila’s relieved face becomes touched with amusement.

“It’s night,” she says. “You slept for a long time.”

Dean wants to sit up and take an inventory of his injuries, but he can’t make his body move just yet. He’s too tired and bruised. He also likes being in her arms. He likes her fingers in his hair, now moving to his cheek. He sighs through his nose in contentment as her thumb drifts over his overgrown stubble. 

“Thank you,” she says. Emotion is thick in her voice.

Dean meets her eyes again, and he smiles. He raises the back of his hand to touch her smooth cheek, gently. He lets his fingers glide across her tan skin, down the column of her neck. Her breath hitches.

She takes his calloused hand in her slender one. Her long hair falls like a curtain over her shoulder, almost like it’s shielding them from whatever is left to come for them beyond the forest. Dean wraps an ebony strand around his finger, just to feel it fall loosely again.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?” he says.

Mila graces him with another smile from her lips. He wants to know what they taste like.

“I guess you are pretty, for a White Man,” she says teasingly.

Her fingers trace his brow, his jawline, even the tip of his chin. She seems to be avoiding his plush mouth, even though her gaze keeps dropping there. Dean pretends to frown.

“Sweetheart, that’s not the way you talk about a man,” he says.

Her brows raise. “No?”

“Handsome. Strong. Toothsome, if you will,” he says, enjoying the way she begins to blush. “That’s what you wanna call a man.”

“Toothsome. I don’t know this word,” she admits. “Am I supposed to eat you?”

Dean resists the urge to say the first incorrigible thing that pops into his head. Instead, his body shakes with laughter.

It’s difficult at first, all his muscles pulling at him in protest, but he raises himself into a sitting position. He cups Mila’s cheek, dragging his thumb across her lower lip. Her lashes are dark and long. They move when she looks up at him. He knows the look in her eyes, wanting, desiring, but also unsure of what she should allow him.

Dean leans in slowly, giving her time to decide.

She tilts her face up to his. He noses at her cheek, his eyes falling closed along with hers.

He finds her lips with his own on instinct and feeling alone. Soft and tender movements, testing, asking.

She answers him. Her fingers tangle in the front of his tattered shirt as her lips begin to move against his. Dean wraps an arm around her waist and gathers her against his chest. His other hand glides down her arm, down her side and along every soft curve. Her clothes are still damp, and so are his.

“It’ll be faster to dry our clothes if we’re not wearing ‘em,” Dean rumbles. His voice is deep with desire. He presses kisses along the side of her jaw, behind her ear, down her neck and shoulder. He earns her pleased hum, her heavier breaths, and her fingers once again in his hair.

“I can’t,” she gasps. She says something in her native tongue, too fast for Dean to even register. He slows down so he can meet her eyes.

“What was that?” he asks. Her face falls, and she starts to trip over her words.

“I am not…how you say, married. I have to be…”

Dean smiles ruefully, sliding a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Chaste?” he offers. She nods, her brows furrowed. Her grip on his shirt tightens.

“Yes,” she says. “In the eyes of my people, it is…”

“I get it,” Dean says. When she still seems conflicted, he presses a kiss to her forehead. 

“Really, I understand,” he says.

His problem is that he stares into her eyes too long, and at her kiss-swollen lips. He dives back in for another taste.

This time, he’s a little less gentlemanly than he promised. His tongue sweeps along her lower lip, begging entrance. She makes a sound of surprise, but she opens up to him. Her gentle hands slide up his chest to hold his face, and her thumbs stroke his cheeks. He holds one of her wrists to keep her there as his tongue dances with hers. She tastes like the river, and like salty tears.

Had she cried for him? How long did she sit with his body, waiting to see if he would wake up?

Despite those worrying thoughts, Dean knows this feels right. More right than he’s ever felt.

It’s harder than he might’ve imagined, but he still pulls away, before he won’t be able to stop himself. Mila pants for breath. She seems to feel she should let him go, but also doesn’t show any sign of wanting to. Smiling, Dean caresses her cheek one more time before he turns to the fish she roasted.

“This looks good,” he says, clearing his throat. “What kinda fish is this?”

With a sigh, she attempts to steady herself and moves to join him by the fire.

That night, Mila dreams.

She dreams of wings, white and beautiful. She hears the cry of an eagle before she sees his great wingspan take off in flight. He soon finds his mate, and they dance together in the sky. 

When she wakes, the fire has gone out and it’s still dark in the night. It takes her a moment to realize that she’s safe. Finally safe.

And she’s lying securely in Dean’s arms.

She’s no longer conflicted when she stares up at his face.

She will bring him home to her tribe, and she will explain. If they still don’t welcome him, then she prays for the strength to keep to her honor. Because now, she begins to realize…

Her heart has already chosen.

“Kimmímila, what have you done?” her uncle asks in the language of their people.

He is Tahatan, Chief of their tribe.

Mila’s father, Chatan, and her cousin Šóta have tied Dean Winchester to a post in the center of the Chief’s large tipi. Dean kneels with his head bowed in respect, even though he keeps sneaking looks at Mila to try and gauge what’s happening. He doesn’t understand a word of any of it.

“You’ve brought this outsider into our village, this White Man!” Tahatan shouts, his voice deep and resounding.

Mila steps forward, despite her mother’s embarrassment and her father trying to grab her shoulder. For the second time in her life, she defies her father for what she believes is right. The first was to rescue a member of their tribe—because even a horse’s spirit should not be broken by greed.

“Uncle, I’ve told you the story, though you don’t want to believe it,” she says. “Dean Winchester saved me when he could have killed me, or worse. He defied his own people. He is dead to his own people, for me, and because of me. You may think they lack all honor, but this man is different.”

She looks over at Dean, and he meets her gaze. He wears an anxious frown as he looks between her and the chief, but she has a feeling that his fear is for her, not for himself.

She kneels beside him, then looks up at her uncle with all the stubbornness she’s ever possessed in her life. She feels it’s led her to exactly this moment.

“And we are one,” she says. Nerves trill up her spine as she says it. She predicts the way shock falls over the room. The way her father curses out loud, angry. The way her mother covers her mouth in dismay. The way the Chief takes a step back, tilting his head at his niece.

“You would take it that far?” he asks.

Her face doesn’t change. “It’s already done.”

Tahatan is beside himself, both angry and perplexed. He goes back to his chair of wicker and wood that lies centered in the room. He drops heavily into it. After a long while, in which he thinks in silence…he releases a heavy sigh. He gestures for his brother and his son to untie Dean. The men do so, but they don’t let him go free. They force him to stand and bring him forward to kneel again before the Chief.

“Dean Winchester,” Tahatan says.

“Yes, sir,” Dean replies.

“You prove yourself to be a man with honor,” he says in English. “Kimmímila has chosen you. She claims you have chosen her in return. Do you deny this?”

Dean glances over at her. She bites the inside of her lip, a bit worried about how he’ll react. She’s not sure he completely understands what Tahatan is telling him, but he nods, regardless.

“No, sir. I don’t deny it,” Dean says.

“Then, you will be allowed to stay, and live among us,” Tahatan declares. "We will see for ourselves what you are. We will see if you are worthy."

Dean gives a nod, crossed with a bow of some kind. He obviously isn’t sure of what he’s supposed to do, but he does say thank you. Mila wraps her hands around his uninjured arm and helps him to his feet. She smiles at him to let him know that the worst is over. He blows out a breath in relief.

“Is that it?” he whispers. He expected more of a thrashing, if he’s honest.

“Almost,” she replies. The two of them stop short before her father, Chatan.

Dean straightens up and holds out his hand. “Sir.”

Chatan glances down at the white hand extended toward him. His gaze raises back up to Dean. 

He grunts in acknowledgement, but he turns on his heels and storms out of the tipi. Her mother comes forward next. She examines Dean from all angles. She takes his face in her hand, somewhat squishing his cheeks, so she can look deeply into his startled eyes.

She seems satisfied by what she finds, and she lets him go. Afterward, she takes Mila’s hand and heaves a deep sigh.

She kisses her daughter’s hand and says nothing else, leaving them to find her husband and calm him down.

Dean turns to Mila with a look that says, please tell me that’s it.

She smiles more genuinely.

“Come,” she says.

She leads him by the hand out of the Chief’s tipi and through the village. Dean takes in the rows of other tall, cone-like structures covered in buffalo skin, as well as all the faces that turn to stare at him in a mix of curiosity, wariness, and even fear. Some of them whisper to each other, taking their children by the hand and keeping them close.

Dean’s still on guard himself, even when Mila takes him to a smaller tipi. It’s been closed up for a while now, by the look of it. Weeds have grown right outside the entrance. 

“This one’s yours?” Dean asks.

She pauses, giving him another small smile. “Ours.”

Dean raises a brow. Ours. Really?

She opens the flap in the front and beckons him inside. There’s still enough daylight to shine through the outer lining. Inside, his gaze flits over the old pile of stones in the center for heating, clothes folded in the corner, some cooking pots and utensils, paintings on wood and clay, and a couple of beaded decorations. Buffalo skin bedding is laid out on the other side with a couple of soft looking furs. 

Son of a gun. Dean doesn’t even blink as he processes it all. He’s in a damn tipi. This is really about to become his life.

Shaking his head a little, he forces himself to focus on Mila. She’s his anchor, and she seems to sense that he’s reeling. She guides him to sit beside her on the bedding, holding his hands in hers. After a moment, he reaches up to tuck a curling strand of hair behind her ear.

“You didn’t get in too much trouble because of me, did you?” he asks.

She shakes her head. “No. My father and uncle are very similar. Strong to anger, but it is quick to run out. At least with me.”

Dean thinks he understands. Short fuse, quick fizzle.

“There is just…one thing,” Mila says. Her eyes fall away from his, like she’s embarrassed. He squeezes her hands.

“What?” he asks, his brows furrowing. It gets her to look at him again, but she seems worried to tell him.

“To convince my uncle to let you stay, I told them that we…” she trails, trying to find the right words in English. “That we are married.”

Dean’s brows raise high. His heart trips up faster. Okay, “ours” makes a lot more sense now.

“I am sorry,” she says quietly. “I didn’t want you hurt—”

“Sweetheart,” Dean says, cupping her cheek. Even with the hammering of his heart, he grins. “I’m pretty sure that’s where this was going anyway.”

In fact, this is a best-case scenario, as far as he’s concerned. He leans in to kiss her, and it doesn’t take long at all for her to sigh in relief, melting against him.

“We’re married, huh?” he asks. “No ceremony? No white dress?”

“We are bonded,” she replies, nodding as she meets every one of his kisses. “Or, we will be.”

She tugs him closer and revels in the feeling of his hands beginning to roam her body, sliding down her waist, her hips and thighs.

“Guess that means we have to seal the deal,” he grins. His lips drift away from hers to burn a familiar path across her cheek. He takes to nibbling her ear, making her flinch and laugh as it tickles.

“Seal-the-deal. What does that mean?” she asks.

Dean chuckles lowly in her ear. “Oh, I think you know.”

He guides her onto her back, over the comfortable mess of furs. He wants to take his time exploring every inch of soft, tan skin, but he first sweeps her hair away from her eyes, the back of his hand brushing against her cheek. She smiles up at him softly.

“Do you regret?” she whispers, reaching up to touch his chin with two slender fingers. “Do you regret helping me?”

Dean considers her question. He knows he’ll carry his family in his heart until the day he dies. His brother, his mother, the memory of his father. Benny and Cas, even Jack, and so many others.

It’s already a heavy burden, but he had always been prepared to lose his life on the battlefield, in service of his country. At least this way, he gains a new life. 

“No. Never did,” Dean replies. “Not even once.”

He bows his head toward hers, and he proves it to her. His lips capture hers, fueled by passion and wanting. Mila’s hands slide over his shoulders and down his back. Maybe without her realizing it, she implores him to let go of the weight heaped on his shoulders.

When he begins to bunch up the hem of her dress, she sits up to help guide his hands. Her quickening breaths mesh with his as the first layer of clothing drops beside the bedding. His tattered shirt joins her dress, along with pants and shoes and boots, until all that’s left is skin against warm, bare skin. He lays on his side right beside her and explores wherever she lets him begin.  

“Beautiful,” Dean murmurs, as his lips follow the column of her neck, down between her breasts. Her breaths rise to meet him, especially when he begins to toy with a dark, pebbled nipple. Her fingers slip through his hair, and his name falls from her lips. He palms one breast while kissing and gently teasing the other, exploring sensitive flesh and grazing her sensitive fleshwith his teeth.

“No man’s ever touched you?” he asks, despite knowing the answer.

She shakes her head, her fingers gripping his hair tighter as his lips and tongue move against her skin.

“No,” Mila gasps a reply. Her hand slides down the back of his neck, and the more he teases her, her nails soon create faint red lines down his back, her thighs squeezing together. She feels a throbbing ache at the very center of her. Despite her inexperience with men, she knows what it means, and she knows what she wants.

Dean’s mouth drags away from her breast. He pulls back so he can meet her eyes. A smile curves his lips, and he takes one of her hands from his shoulders. 

“Have you ever touched yourself?” he asks. He guides her hand down her body, brushing over a wet, sensitive nipple, down her stomach, and between her legs. This time, Mila nods in answer. She stares up at Dean with eyes like molten honey. He leans in to kiss her neck.

“Show me,” he says.

She shudders at the depths in his voice. It increases the flood of wetness she already feels, even before she slips two fingers between the folds of her sex. She gathers some of that slick and circles it over the source of her pleasure, the small nub above her entrance.

Dean takes his hardened length in his hand. While she writhes by her own hand, he drinks her in with his eyes. A soft groan falls from his lips as he pumps himself a few times, sliding a thumb across the weeping head of his cock.

He can’t be a spectator for long though. He nips tantalizingly at her neck, creating a zing of added sensation across her skin. She whimpers, though she tries to stifle it, her knee bending further.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Dean says. “Let me hear you.”

He releases himself and replaces her hand with his own. He slips two long fingers inside her drenched entrance, earning a gasping moan from her. She latches onto his shoulders and buries her face into his neck. She whispers fervent things he doesn’t understand, but it only spurs him on.

His thumb circles insistently over her clit as his fingers pulse inside her. Her hips buck a needy rhythm against his hand, until her thighs begin to shake, and her inner walls squeeze even tighter around his fingers.

“Shit, that’s it, baby,” he pants gruffly against her cheek. “Let go for me.”

Warmth snaps and floods from her throbbing core, and she cries out near his ear, her nails biting into his skin. Her release coats his fingers.

Mila drops her head back against the furs underneath her. Her chest rises and falls quickly while she tries to catch her breath, her eyes tightly shut. Dean surprises her with a soft kiss.

“Mila,” he prods. He wants to see her eyes again, so pretty and wanton when she comes. He veers away from her lips to kiss her cheek, and then the other side of her neck. “Let me see you, sweetheart.”

She huffs a small laugh. Opening her eyes, she gestures to her bare body. “This is not enough?”

Dean’s lips tug at a smile. He shakes his head. “As a matter of fact, no.”

He shifts over her, finding his place between the cradle of her thighs. His elbows come to rest on either side of her head. She feels trapped by his body, even as she welcomes his weight and the feeling of his arousal, long and heavy and hard, trapped between their bodies. This man fills every corner of her world in this moment.

“If I’m your husband now, that means I get all of you,” he says with a grin. She gazes up at him, both in blushing amusement and affection.

“All of me,” Mila repeats. She takes his face in her hands and brings him closer, until her lips are a whisper from his. “Then I want all of you.” 

Dean chuckles. “You sure about that?”

She smiles in satisfaction, and her lips claim him this time. One kiss turns into many, each one mounting in passion and desire. Dean groans into her when she begins to touch him. Her hands are soft, but direct in their seeking; they caress his shoulders, run down his chest and stomach, and then, more tentatively explore the now painfully hard length of him pressing against her.

He makes a grateful sound of pleasure when her hand wraps around his cock, squeezing gently. His fingers bury themselves in her hair.

“I want all of you,” she says, this time a plea and a demand all at once as she strokes him.

Dean nods in agreement. He’s come this far. He can do that for her too.

He spreads her thighs a bit wider and encourages her to adjust the angle of her hips for him. His hand glides down her plush thigh and gets a healthy grip. Then he slides his hand under hers and guides his cock through her folds, first just holding himself at her warm, wet entrance.

He manages to wait for a second, in order to meet her gaze. She’s already holding onto his arms tightly, like he’s become her anchor. Her thighs wrap around his hips and beckon him closer.

Slowly, he pushes inside. He takes care in how he works her open. She winces at the sting of his girth stretching her, but his fingers once again massage her clit, stroking her arousal back into a keening flame. He swallows her gasps and moans as he bottoms out inside her, fully sheathed. Tears prick at her eyes, but not from pain.

Mila’s dream flashes like a waking vision behind her eyes. Wings take flight, along with the gleam of a golden beak and a sharp eye.

She blinks, and the image disappears. She’s left with the man who has become hers, making love to her with every stroke of him deep inside her. She presses grateful kisses across his neck and shoulder, wherever she can reach while she clings to his strong arms.

The thick head of him brushes a sensitive place over and over, one that tightens the coil in her lower belly and makes her core tremble again with warmth, until her body convulses against him, pulsing in pleasure, gripping him tight from the inside. Mila’s fingers clench in his hair just as tightly as her release hits her in a powerful wave; even her voice becomes lost to it.

Gritting his teeth, Dean grips the soft flesh of her hip and chases his own end. The way her inner walls choke his cock, he has no choice but to come hot inside her, his spend mixing with her own release. A strangled shout tears from his throat.

He has to brace himself before he crushes her. With his forearms resting on either side of her head, he lowers his forehead against hers. Her legs slip from where they’ve been tightly molded to his hips, her feet meeting the floor. Eventually he slips out of her. He watches his seed drip out and create a mess on the dark furs. The sight of it satisfies something primal deep inside him.

Later he’ll ask her about washing up (and about supper), but for now, he just turns onto his back beside her. She inches toward him, and he raises an arm so she can splay out against his side. They both lay there for a moment in the quiet, just catching their breath together. It marks the end of a long journey, and yet, the start of one too.

Mila turns to raise onto her elbow. She reaches over to wipe the sweat from his brow in a tender touch. Dean smiles up at her. He takes her hand and presses a kiss into her palm.

“I could get used to this,” he says.

Her eyes widen in surprise, but then she laughs softly. “Yes.”

Her hand moves down to his chest, over his heart. She sobers as she considers her people, and how much trust has yet to be bridged—not only her own father and uncle, but the entire tribe. When she led him through the village, they called him wašíču.

Fat-taker. Greedy White. Not one of us.

“It will be hard for you here,” Mila says. She worries it will be too hard for Dean.  

He just squeezes her hand, earning her attention through tumultuous thoughts.

“I’m not afraid of a little hard work,” Dean replies. His usual confident charm is infused in his smile, but she has a feeling he’s just trying to reassure her.

Sensing she’s not convinced, Dean reaches up to hold her cheek, guiding her to look at him and not the floor.

“Listen. I made my choice, and I’m sticking it out, come hell or high water,” he says.

Mila’s brows knit together. “Hell-or-high… What does that mean?”

Dean sits up on his elbow along with her. He takes her chin between his fingers and meets her gaze.

“It means if you want me, you’ve got me. The rest, we’ll figure out as we go along,” he says.

A smile slowly lightens Mila’s face. She tilts her chin up to meet him with a kiss.

“I will be with you,” she says. It’s a promise.

Dean smiles back.

“Good,” he says. “Because that’s just about all I need.”

AN: There we have it, friends. 💜 I really, truly hope you enjoyed this mini series! To be honest, I have more ideas for this little world (like how Dean might try to assimilate into this culture), but I'll leave it to you guys to let me know if that's something you'd be interested in reading.

Until then, I would love to know what you thought of this chapter! 

Pronunciation Guide:

Šóta ("sho-tah") Chatan ("chat-tan") Tahatan ("ta-hat-tann") Wašíču ("wash-ee-jew")

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[daomaikeng]

rating and reviewing BLs i have watched so far (unupdated as of april ‘23)

hi this is just a post that i wanted to include in my page but it was getting too long lmao. this is just like a list of all that i’ve watched so far, in order. i won’t be including their plots here, but there might be spoilers. these are just my opinions in case someone new wants to bond over shows and wants to know what i thought 🤌🏽

we best love (both seasons) - 10/10. first BL that i watched, lowkey changed my life. absolutely obsessed with it, comfort series that i keep rewatching. absolutely amazing acting by everyone involved.

history3: trapped - 8.5/10. tang yi. no words. beautiful acting and cinematography, the plot was handled pretty well and i was pretty much broken by the last episode. jack and zhao lian are my children. i’m still obsessed with the OST, i listen to it multiple times a week. just goes to show how much a good soundtrack can still keep a show in your mind even if you watched it months ago.

bad buddy - 1073392729/10. HOE MY GOD. where do i start. all i’ll say is i’ll never be the same, this series is IT for me. THE show for me. nothing will ever come close. one day i’m gonna meet p’aof and cry on my knees. i will never be able to put into words just how much this series means to me, or just how important it is to me, or just how influential this has been for my life. i’ll never be able to get over it.

2gether the series - 6/10. didn’t watch the second season because s1 was so disappointing even if i finished most of it in one night. brightwin are cute and all but they were giving brothers i’m sorry 💀 their chemistry just sizzled out halfway. and they both need acting lessons i’m sorry

love in the air - 9/10. fort thitipong simp forever. first show that i watched while it was ongoing. came for payurain, stayed for prapaisky. although it’s lowkey rapey (which is to be expected from mame) i loved how well they handled the characters

tharntype - 6/10. started because i had heard so much about it, but abandoned it halfway. aside from the dubious consent (again, mame, people can’t consent when they’re asleep), the internalised homophobia got too toxic

star in my mind - 7.5/10. joongdunk are adorable, but they could’ve done a little more with the plot. the Feels™️ were lacking a little bit. cute show overall though. and i’m one of the five people who will die on the hill that seanmaitee are canon and deserved an official kiss

semantic error - 8.5/10. first KBL that i watched, finished it in one day. very beautifully done, all the colour symbolism etc was interesting as hell. pretty cute, although i do wish we could’ve gotten more fluff

love mechanics - 8/10. saw a short on yt and was convinced about the angst. boyyyy was i wrong, it was so much more angsty than i thought. highkey toxic and unhealthy too, but i’ll let it go. forever simping over p’bar. the parents angle was annoying but eh. i will say though, i had to take a lot more breaks while watching than usual, it became too much at points. we did get a little fluff at least though so

my tooth your love - 9/10. yes i hate the title. very very nicely done, the perfect representation of how trauma affects you even when you’re older and just how much it holds you back. convos about mental health, therapy, not letting your lover treat you like shit, AAAAA 🤌🏽🤌🏽 finished this in one day too. they didn’t magically have a moment where they forgave each other and kissed after confessing. they both worked to prove they were in this for the long run, and xun’an didn’t hesitate to hold bai lang accountable for being a jerk. really breaking all the BL barriers sjdhsjh 😭😭 the only part that annoyed me was his dad beating him up like hello?? he’s 30?? 💀💀 fucking vile. but bai qing is an icon and i love her and i would die for her. simp for alex speaking in english randomly. him and rj deserved more scenes and they need to be canon now!!!!!

roommates of poongduck 304 - 7.5/10. i had heard SO much about this so i had high expectations but i was kind of let down, i mean we really only got them together in ep 7. the chemistry, acting and side characters were great but tbh i feel like i’d have loved this a lottttt more if it had been a little spaced out, more episodes, had better conflict resolution and just better overall detailing. still a cute watch though

currently watching:

never let me go - this series is going to break me, i already know. phenomenal acting, symbolism and cinematography. every wednesday you can find me crying because it is just so excellent, the brainrot is real. can’t wait for more episodes

my school president - OBSESSED with them for real. they’re the toned down version of bad buddy, which i have proven in a post. can’t wait for them to be their high school’s power couple. very very wholesome

those are all for now! i’ll keep updating this post as i watch more. my to-watch list is already overflowing but i’d love your recommendations too!! and i’m always willing to scream about any given show so feel free to join me. :) x

[deathsmallcaps]

Okay so in the ‘You Look Lonely’ part from Blade Runner 2049, I always thought ‘you look like a good Joe’ meant that somewhere in the hive mind Joi probably existed as, a little bit of K’s Joi (KJ) still lived and recognized him as Joe. That some corner of that AI was aware enough to love someone*.

But I found a funny parody meme earlier and I was listening to the soundtrack** and because I needed to go to bed early I of course started obsessing over something. So I looked up some videos from scenes I wanted to rewatch and so on. You know, wiki-diving and other sleep destroying activities. Eventually, I felt the need to rewatch the whole ‘You look lonely scene’ after reading the Joi article twice and seeing no acknowledgement that my interpretation of the ad’s actions representing KJ’s love.

And yeah. I rewatched it twice, and with my new/renewed lore, it seemed less and less likely that my interpretation was canon? So yeah I looked it up and most people came to the opposite, and I now think more accurate, conclusion: that Ad Joi narratively served to show Joe that he wasn’t the special one here. That all her clients (?) were Joes, and that she was merely making him happy by agreeing with his dreams of being a non-replicant, a born human.

But also I find the name Joe in this context very interesting.

Joe is similar to John, which is slang for a person (though the term is usually for men) who solicits sex from a sex worker.

Then there’s Average Joe, meaning regular guy. K wants to be regular, just human, etc. And he’s never going to get that.

Joe is close to Joi in sound and spelling. Was there a male Joi? Is K perhaps the male Joi? She exists to live similarly to a Housewife trope, being cute and making a man happy. He exists as a 50s husband, tough and providing and ultimately achieving only contentment from his “wife’s” performance of comforting and acceptable behavior? Was KJ freed from that marriage, that dynamic, when she died***? Was K freed when she died to live more authentically. And of course the ‘wife’ had to die to free the action hero lol.

I’m sad to find out canon. But I’m curious if others also interpreted K and his Joi’s relationship this way. Idk. I was the kind of kid who watched Birdman (I was 12 I think) and it didn’t even occur to me that he did not fly. Of course he flew****.

In any case, I watched Blade Runner 2049 without seeing the original ***** so I bet that affects my interpretation. I’ve read/listened to other Philip K. Dick works by now and I’m sure I’d enjoy Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. He has good stuff.

Anyway, it’s time for ME to count sheep. Yall can decide if they’re electric or not :)

Footnotes under readmore

*be it platonic and devoted or romantic, KJ certainly had me hoping (perhaps convinced? I loved the movie but never rewatched it fully because I think it was best on a big screen. And because sometimes rewatching something affects your enjoyment of it. Kind of like what happened here lmao.) that she was real and loved K.

**I love it. It’s kind of my go to for when I don’t know what to listen to and don’t feel like singing. Which covers most emotions from content to unhappy. When I’m happy I sing or occasionally listen to more joyous soundtracks, and when I’m really sad

***Now I’m thinking about the Ballad of Lucy Jordan by Marianne Faithfull. Excellent song I discovered from the Thelma and Louise movie (superb movie. You must see it)

**** It’s important to me that he flew.

***** Stepdad insisted we all go and I love the movies and didn’t really know there was a Blade Runner. I found out pretty much after the movie ended and I was excited and my stepdad was like “You know that was a sequel right?”. Anyway I will watch Blade Runner one day, but that ain’t today.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

Come. Gather round and listen to the legend of the Funny Vampire Director, AKA the Funny Nazi Director, AKA Taika Waititi.

Raised in the way of the director, Waititi was taught to make good movies, delivering the sort of funny and heartfelt films most can only dream of making. He directed, and he wrote, and he acted. He was sensitive, like a smile. And his love of filmmaking did not discriminate in what he could make. He once made a hilarious vampire mockumenatry that got a spin-off TV series. Another time, he proved that you could make Blazing Saddles in the modern day, except with Nazis!

But Waititi's greatest achievement was cameoing in The Suicide Sqaud. Oh, wait. No. It was making a good Thor movie, of all things. But sadly, in making a good Thor movie, he set himself up for failure with the sequel. In fact, he set himself up for spectacular failure. Mediocre reviews. Audience backlash. Criticism from the actors and directors. And bad reviews from all sorts of internet guys, again and again and again. And again.

Poor Waititi had to watch the internet’s respect for him explode. And then he said, 'What have I done?' It seemed that everything he’d worked for with Thor, he lost. And so he maybe got fired by Marvel and went back to making real movies for a change. But just because he was done with Marvel, didn't mean he was done with superheroes. He teamed up with James Gunn and set off to deliver the most powerful and thematic line in The Suicide Squad. He got in shape, putting in the hard yards to become a respected filmmaker again. Taking pains into gains and never skipping the chance to direct a movie based on Tower of Terror. He put in the work to go from the butt of jokes to a guy who would hopefully deserve an Oscar win.

But with all that being said, there was still a confused reviewer just trying to figure out if maybe the backlash to Thor: Love and Thunder was a bit overblown. Because really, this movie couldn’t possibly be as shitty as The Dark World, which committed the sin of wasting Christopher Eccleston. So he sat down and gave the movie a rewatch, accepting he was only good for one thing... Determining that age old question, 'Is Thor: Love and Thunder really that bad?'

THE GOOD

So maybe this is a hot take, but I really did enjoy Jane’s return and her romance with Thor and find it to be one of the film’s best aspects.

Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of the writing here is clunky and poor Natalie Portman is saddled with a lot of really stupid dialogue now that she’s the Mighty Thor. But seeing her and Chris Hemsworth act off each other again in a less dull and restrictive fashion is so nice, and seeing Portman kick ass is a lot of fun too. She even wields Mjolnir in some pretty creative ways here! And her death is actually a genuinely powerful and touching scene that they don’t immediately fuck up with a lame joke.

The soundtrack, while not even close to touching the Guardians of the Galaxy soundtracks, is filled with Guns N’ Roses banger after banger. I grew up listening to these guys, so honestly I’m predisposed to like any scene where they play one of my favorite tracks by them.”Sweet Child O’ Mine,” “November Rain,” “Paradise City,” and “Welcome to the Jungle” are all whipped out at just the right time to keep my attention from flagging completely, so I’ll give them props for that. They aren’t the most inspired choices, but I’m a sucker for classic Axl.

The Axl above? Decidedly less so. Still, despite this film’s reputation for really bad effects and really bad costumes and just in general looking embarrassingly cheap because Disney abuses the animators, there are some extremely cool visuals here and there. The shot of Falligar the Behemoth in particular is so good they slapped it into every trailer, and a climactic battle on a monochrome planet looks way too good to be in this movie. But by far the most fantastic thing is the comic-accurate depiction of Eternity.

And of course, I would be remiss to not praise Christian Bale’s performance as Gorr the God Butcher. The man immediately has you hooked with the opening scene, which details his backstory and shows how he began his vendetta against all the deities of the Marvel universe. Then we have his fantastic climactic confrontation with Thor on the black-and-white planet, and then there is his final scene before Eternity. Each and every time he shows up, it’s completely clear that Bale is giving it his all and acting his pussy off, giving a performance that is honestly kind of astounding considering what’s going on around him.

THE BAD

Unfortunately, while Gorr is a fantastic performance, he suffers from the fact his character has absolutely no cohesion and is barely in the film. He shows up for maybe one big fight in the first hour, then completely disappears from the film until the third act, during which time he just sits around with a bunch of children and terrifies them. And despite being “The God Butcher,” we see him butcher precisely one single god in the whole film, and that’s in the film’s opening. Groot has as many onscreen god kills as Gorr. That’s fucking pathetic. Bale’s magnificent performance is strong when it counts, but so much of the dramatic moments feel unearned because he hardly does anything outside those moments. The fact they cut out so much material including him meeting with Peter Dinklage’s King Eitri and Jeff Goldblum’s Grandmaster, really stings. Would it have been a crime to cut out those annoying fucking goats and instead give Gorr more to do like, oh, butchering gods?

It doesn’t help that the story never actually refutes any of Gorr’s points. Every other god we see in the film is egotistical, hedonistic, a coward, or all three at once, with even Thor reverting into a corny blowhard for much of the movie. Zeus is pretty much emblematic of this problem; while I actually did enjoy Russell Crowe’s performance (even if it is, ultimately, a half-baked attempt at recapturing the magic of Grandmaster from Ragnarok), the fact that Zeus is nothing more than a blowhard more concerned with orgies and showing off to all the other gathered deities just kind of proves Gorr right. The gods don’t care, they are refusing to help their followers, and frankly the universe would probably be a lot better if it was littered with Knowheres instead of having these horny clowns prancing about.

Then we have the Guardians. The glorified cameo from the Guardians of the Galaxy that was hyped up in all the marketing. Despite being in the movie for maybe ten minutes and despite Star-Lord having 95% of all the lines between them, nearly every single one of them feels completely out of character. Star-Lord, on the other hand, actually feels like he was rerailed in time for Gunn to take the reigns back, but it doesn’t make up for how awkward and pointless it all feels. Although it is incredibly hilarious that after all of them spent Infinity War fawning over him they all now seem to barely tolerate him, with it being confirmed none of them kept in contact with him after the events of this film. I honestly don’t blame them.

A lot of returning characters really suffer. King Valkyrie gets it pretty bad since her subplot where she searches for love was dropped, leading to her feeling really superfluous in the plot. Lady Sif gets it even worse, with her barely even being in this movie; one has to wonder why they even bothered keeping her alive. Thor gets hit especially bad here, because he seems to have reverted from his post-Ragnarok characterization all the way to pre-Thor characterization, with all his hedonism, goofing, gallavanting, insecurity, and egotistical traits ramped up to maximum levels.

But the most divisive returning character of all is Korg. Korg became a fan-favorite due to his appearances in Ragnarok and Endgame, where he was genuinely a funny comic relief character who juxtaposed his intimidating rock golem design with a friendly demeanor and the chipper voice of director Taika Waititi. The thing is, both of those films used him sparingly, so that when he got a lame joke it wasn’t so bad because it’s one up against dozens of good ones. Here though he gets to be a main character and even the narrator, and boy does he get old pretty quickly. The thing is, though, that even if he’s not particularly funny here… I still like Korg. He’s just too damn charming, As lame as his jokes are, as lame as his fake out death is, as pointless as he ends up feeling to the plot, I just can’t hate the guy. I guess it helps that he gets to be Disney’s 52nd First Gay Character, but actually for real this time because in the end he gets to make a baby with a rock guy named Dwayne. I also really like the theory that the reason the whole film is corny is because Korg is narrating it, and he’s an unreliable narrator peppering the story with lame jokes and underplaying elements that should matter. Does it save the whole movie? No. Does it make Korg any funnier? Also no. Does it add an interesting layer that at least keeps me from wanting Korg dead? Yes, yes it does.

And really, every single problem here is something that was there in Thor: Ragnarok. Zany comedy? A terrifying, threatening villain with a murderous vendetta who gets weirdly underplayed and barely interacts with the heroes? A villainous character played entirely for jokes? Jokes that completely and utterly destroy the tension of any given scene? The big difference is that in Ragnarok, at least some of the jokes were funny, and Thor had more interesting characters to bounce off of. And maybe most importantly, that film knew when to dial back the comedy to let cool or emotional moments breathe. And maybe even more importantly than that, it knew to keep Korg to a minimum. This film doesn’t do that at all, with nonstop gags undercutting nearly every dramatic moment. It’s ultimately hard to give a shit about anything going on when the characters give so little of a shit about it that they’re cracking jokes.

And let me tell you, if you couldn’t already tell, the jokes are fucking bad. This is basically what would happen if you asked Seltzer & Friedberg to make Marvel Movie. This is the epitome of all those jokes about Marvel dialogue having the characters go “Well that just happened!” to the point where I’m shocked it’s not actual dialogue. The horrendously unfunny screaming goat meme is a pivotal plot point in this movie; that’s the quality of jokes we’re dealing with here. And while there are a few decent jokes here and there, there’s just too many fucking jokes to pay them any mind.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Somehow this is one of the most overhated and yet rightfully disliked films ever made.

Like, Schafrillas was right to call this the Shrek the Third of Thor films. It’s not funny, it derails beloved characters, it’s incredibly annoying, it wastes a good villain, and the writing is just so hackneyed and ridiculous. This is absolutely not a good film at all. But the way you hear some people talk about it you’d think this film killed their grandma.

Like I know bad comedies are some of the worst kinds of films out there, and this film is definitely horrendously unfunny at every opportunity, but it has just enough good ideas and just enough strategic deployment of Guns N’ Roses songs that it just barely manages to be passable in my eyes. I definitely think this is a mediocre movie, and it is emblematic of everything a bad Marvel movie can be. But at the same time, it manages to be unfunny in ways I didn’t think were possible from a director and cast this talented. I’ll be honest, on my second watch through of the movie I was more bored than infuriated with this film. It has its moments, but it’s absolutely one of the weakest efforts Marvel has ever put out.

This film is pretty much what critics once accused Batman & Robin of being: An overindulgent, campy, unfunny smear on a cool hero. As you well know by now, I don’t agree with them on that, but it’s a somewhat fitting descriptor for Love & Thunder. I don’t think it’s a smear on Thor, who has been way too inconsistent for me to get mad about him being taken in some wild direction, but overindulgent, campy, and unfunny are pretty apt. Still, I don’t think this is nearly as bad as a lot of people say. It’s not bad in a “crime against humanity” way, at worst it’s bad in a “I know the people making this are capable of better and I kinda feel like this is the fault of studio executives at Disney” kind of way. If you like it, sure, that’s valid! I don’t think there is no value in this film at all, especially compared to some stuff I’ve reviewed for Is It Really That Bad. But if I never have to see this movie again, I won’t exactly lose sleep over it, and I’m sure many people feel the same.

Still, I’d have to have a heart of stone to not find the ending, which features Thor and his adopted daughter (played by Hemsworth’s own daughter) becoming a cute little superhero team and getting a corny title drop right before the credits, really sweet. Yeah, it’s not a good movie, but at least it’s better than the first two Thor movies or the unseasoned oatmeal that is Eternals.

[livvyofthelake]

movie may 2024 ranked!

23. always a bridesmaid. i apologize to yvette nicole brown and i want to clarify that i DO support women writing mediocre movies. but i must be real i watched this for jordan calloway. and i didn’t care for him in this. he was a lovely character i’m sure it was huge for someone’s mom idk. not my buddy jake though! nothing more to be said frankly

22. the idea of you. bad! anne hathaway what do they have on you that got you to be in this…. prince sad eyes addicted to being in musical adjacent movies with bad soundtracks that no one has ever cared about listening to!!

21. the other zoey. mid… which was so disappointing because all three main guys are actors i enjoy… archie renaux someday they’ll let you be a real romantic lead but for now i LOVED you in shadow and bone season 2 episode whatever. literally you’re my flag alina you’re my nation. lol! josephine langford someday we’ll get you in a period drama queen and you’re gonna eat it up. your time is coming! drew starkey maybe someday they’ll let you be in something that is good <3 i believe in you!

20. thanksgiving. fun! and yet ranks low because well i haven’t thought about it since i saw it. not really much to say! addison rae served cunt and should have lezzed out with the final girl!

19. after everything. somehow not the worst after movie…? crazy i know. do NOT get it twisted it was still bad. it’s after 5… but idk. it’s after 5 i’ve been watching these freaks for five movies i was invested i cared i wanted them to live happily ever after forever… love won!

18. life partners. it was good but i could not get over that i hated the boyfriend so so so bad. i wanted jakey to dieeee fr. yeah he was fine. sure. whatever. as if this is even about him omg

17. dungeons and dragons: honor among thieves. too long frankly! but we had fun! and genya was there :)

16. plan b. my favorite part of this movie is that in the beginning when i first saw the best friend character i was like oh cute she has a gay girl best friend :) and then they started using he/him pronouns for her long distance relationship and i was so shocked and disappointed i didn’t even know what to think. and then they got to the long distance relationship’s band performance and it clicked to me that it was supposed to be a Narrative Twist that she was gay… and i was like ohhhhh haha YES! that was awesome lowkey. and the rest of the movie was nice as well <3

15. strawberry mansion. weird ass movie fr… fucked with it heavily! had me staring at the tv completely enraptured that was crazy. don’t have much to say other than that the experience of watching it was fun to ME. i was also very sick that day so take what i say with a grain of salt maybe? idk. probably won’t watch it again but it was nice!

14. música. well first of all they’re going in the timeless video 2.0 but let’s not even get into that because it doesn’t matter. anyway camila mendes we loveeeee you being booked and busy post riverdale <3 yess girl be in movies!!! um she is not the main character and this movie is not about her i just really like camila mendes!

13. asteroid city. kind of an odd one! loved the wes anderson rpf implications this narrative had! also really enjoyed that little alien freak!

12. the hunger games: the ballad of songbirds and snakes. and this was a rewatch but it counts because i said so. watched it with my parents this time who did NOT get it as well as they could have. which is what brings such a beloved movie to me down to number 12, THEY are the ones who dampened the experience NOT the movie!

11. buffaloed. what if there was a woman played by zoey deutch who sucked sooo bad. yay! when she’s literally a bad person who scammed people for money 😁

10. remember the titans. what if the most important thing on planet earth was FOOTBALL. and learning to not be racist. and denzel washington was there. and will patton was also there doing his adam parrish voice. i don’t mean to be hung up on that it’s just hard to ignore… i didn’t read those books i listened to will patton read them in his delicious south carolina drawl am i supposed to not recognize one of the distinct character voices he did consistently for four books get real. it was also an excellent movie <3 tee was there they can verify if you don’t believe me!!

9. anyone but you. what if we did much ado about nothing but hero and claudius were lesbians and beatrice was a modern day disaster woman and she’s suchhh a hater and so is benedick and they’re in true and beautiful love. also. and i will never be able to describe this scene in a way that will truly do it justice. when they were fake dating but needed to prove they were together and everyone went hiking. that was the funniest shit i ever saw in my lifeee it had me dying… also. the natasha bedingfield unwritten needle drop moments…. yesss bring back real cinema!!

8. crossroads. there’s just nothing like a shonda rhimes written feature…. she just gets it i fear. i wanted to hate jakey soo bad but alas he charmed me!! shonda your power!!! and britney got to sing and it was soooo fun <3

7. the birdcage. first of all cat grant was there everybody clap for her! secondly this is like a perfect comedy drama film… i could have broken my ribs from laughing so hard at this one i’m serious robin williams save meeeee…. it’s veryyy much a product of its time but i don’t think that’s a hindrance i think it’s beautiful <3 what if movies were made when they were made and we all loved that there’s added narrative context to it’s time!

6. the secret life of bees. i can’t get into it but let’s just all understand that this girl was huge. cried like a babyyyyy so bad. we literally love queen latifah she has never flopped. now if only people would tune in to that damn cbs and watch the equalizer…. (show my mom loves that i catch an episode of sometimes)

5. ever after. well i am a cinderella girl first and foremost. as i said on letterboxd you would genuinely have to do something vile and heinous to make me dislike a cinderella movie… i gave the camila cabello one five stars i LOVE cinderella… and i loved how in this one the prince’s name was henry yayy that happened to a buddy of mine! and i loved the whole look of the movie the costumes were slaying the production design was slaying drew barrymore’s shitty accent was slaying. just loved it…

4. the clique. they don’t even make movies like this anymore. because of Woke… the tweens yearn for problematic girl leads like claire and massie we need to give this back to them… i think everyone should watch this film i’m actually being so serious and real

3. city of bones. ok it’s cheating to put a rewatch so high on the list. don’t care! she’s my friend!!!!! it’s our ten year anniversary!!

2. mamma mia! here we go again. you might think that due to my hater moments when i started watching this movie i might not have liked it that much… and yet you’d be wrong the only reason i was initially disappointed was because i didn’t know what was going to happen and sophie and sky sang that breakup song and it made me so sad i had to stop watching. i literally love sophie and sky it was RUDE to do that to me… but anyway when i went back to finish the movie i realized it slayed sooo hard. and then at the end they all sang super trouper… yayyyyyy!!!!!!

1. damsel. i do not care if you thought this was bad. they made it for ME ok what everyone else thinks does not matter… it was for me the whole time don’t even worry about any of it. they put my girl millie bobby brown in a girlfantasy action flick… netflix stop making her be in stranger things and let her produce her fun little movies full time it’s so serious you can’t keep putting her back in the duffer brothers torture chamber…. millie we are getting you out of there!! i eagerly await the day you star in a feminist remake of the breakfast club or something or whatever. anyway. the winner of movie may because it made me really happy to watch :)

[kitkatsudon]

So. Today has been a weird day.

Rambles below, because I’m in my feelings but that doesn’t necessarily have to be your problem.

The first thing I saw when I woke up today was that Ice Adolescence had been cancelled. The second thing piece of news I received, within a few minutes of this, was that my Grandma had passed away.

The second thing is more personal, and I haven’t come here to talk about that - I suppose more than anything it’s to give context on today’s slightly weird vibe, and why I’m feeling perhaps more nostalgic than I would be normally.

Perhaps as a distraction, I want to ramble about YOI.

Though now I’ve sat down to actually do this… where do I start?

Though my internet presence is very TKEM-focused nowadays, since its release, YOI has always been incredibly dear to me. It came out just as I had found out that my family were going to be moving across the country (and ok, in the UK that’s maybe less of a big deal than if I lived in a larger country, but I was 14, and 14 is a horrible age, so it was still a big deal to me). YOI came out in late 2016, we moved at the beginning of 2017, and I joined a much smaller school with… let’s say less choice for the people I could make friends with.

I was, technically, adopted by a friendship group, but it took a long time, some falling outs within the group, and me learning everything there ever was to know about BTS despite having no real passion for music-based fandoms for me to really feel included. The friendship group I’d left behind was much more diverse in terms of interests, and we thrived on mutual sharing and acceptance of each other’s interests. This new one was more kind of “conform or fuck you,” and I never quite managed to conform properly.

All that is to say… while I didn’t really have friends, in 2017, I had YOI and its fandom. While I was dealing with the huge changes in my life, I was comforted through it by, more than anything else, lurking around the YOI fandom. I had my first forays into posting things online using Google+, of all things (my parents didn’t let me have social media, but I could access this using my gmail), and they were drawings I had done of YOI characters, even a hand-drawn anecdote comic thing, and just… it was rudimentary, but you gotta start somewhere, right?

It became what I was known for, in my new school. It became part of me. That summer, my family went on holiday to Orlando FL to do the theme parks, and despite that having been something that I’d been begging to do for years, what I ended up being most excited about was the opportunity to go to Hot Topic and buy the YOI merch that they’d recently announced. I bought a T-shirt, a blanket, and a backpack, and although the backpack’s strap broke after a year of using it for school, I still have the T-shirt and the blanket, and they’re still special to me to this day. Back then, listening to the soundtrack on repeat, I’d decided that one day I was going to perform a dance routine to ‘In regards to love: Eros,’ and at the end of my first year of uni, that was something I was actually able to do. Was it good? Not really, I’m by no means a professional dancer, but I felt like I was paying homage to my inner… not quite child, more like my inner angsty teenager?

My whatsapp background is still YOI-themed. I still proudly display my Funko Pops and my posters in my bedroom at home. YOI is still my comfort show, and though I’m not usually one for rewatching shows, it’s still the show that I’ve rewatched the most. Even my username is a relic of my ties to the YOI fandom - though I wasn’t really using it much then, it’s something I thought up during the days when I was deepest in it, and I thought to myself “if I ever am brave enough to really start posting things online, this is the username I’ll use.” So even though the first thing I ever posted under the name KitKatsudon was the beginning of a BTS fanfiction on Quotev on all places that I was writing with a friend of mine at the time, it has its roots in YOI.

It’s sort of funny - once upon a time, I used to semi-joke that I couldn’t die before the YOI movie came out. Don’t get me wrong, my mental health was never bad enough that I had actually realistically considered not making it to Ice Ado’s release, but every time I said it, I did mean it. No matter how shitty I felt, I had to keep going, because I was going to have my bum in a seat when it eventually released in cinemas. I guess what this means now is that, unless Ice Ado is picked up by another studio, I’m just never going to die 🤷‍♀️ you’d better buckle the fuck up, mortals, because MAPPA has just granted me ultimate power.

What am I trying to say? I don’t really know. Maybe thank you, to the YOI team, for being such a positive force in my life. You gave me something comforting to hold onto while everything around me was changing, while I was starting my sexuality journey, while I didn’t have the close support of peers to help boost my mood. I don’t watch the show so often nowadays, but that’s because I save it for instances where I really need comforting. Maybe like today.

The story of Ice Adolescence may be over, at least for now, but I’ll always be grateful for what we did get.

[n0ahsferatu]

omg i’ve been a fan of yours for year now and as an artist i need to know.

what do you listen to while you draw???

for me it’s super varied but i’m always fascinated by other’s processes!!! 

also just. i love your art so much. followed you bc of ds9 art and i’ve loved everything since. even shit idk anything abt. i just love your art man

hi anon :) aaa well! i have a hard time working in complete silence so when I draw I usually have a movie/show playing in the background or I'm listening to music! my go-to genres are darkwave, coldwave and post-punk, but I also have a soft spot for both classic and modern rock and i occasionally listen to movie soundtracks as well. when I'm sketching an illustration I like putting on something that fits the vibes of what I'm drawing to help me get inspired!

OH and i almost forgor but long form video essays are absolute life-savers as well

also thank you so much skdvjkfbnk this is very kind of you to say 🥺 I haven't starred my trek in a bit but the ds9 fandom on here was an absolute godsend for my depressed burnt out ass back in 2022 and there's stuff that I drew back then that I'd love to rework a bit someday! and tbh I'm due for a ds9 rewatch soon i think

anyway thank you again anon I hope you have a lovely day :)

[deedeli-liveblog]

 RWBY ReWatch notes, part 3: i guess I’m doing one of these for every volume 

I’m supposed to be making minor notes / commentary, cause this is just a rewatch I decided to do on a whim. But I guess I’m way too used to how I normally liveblog these days, since I actually have to stop myself from commenting like, every minute on bullshit things afkdjhkadkla

Anyway, Volume 3! My personal favorite, and the Volume where Everything Goes Wrong.

I love the creativity in the weapons in RWBY. There’s a lot of swords and guns and classic weaponry. But then there’s things like Oobleck’s thermos being a flamethrower, Coco’s purse being a blunt weapon and a minigun, and then Reese’s (from ABRN) hoverboard being a weapon in and of itself, that transforms into mini pistols.

Arlsan only had that one episode, but she was so cool in it.

I like that team RWBY’s strategy half the time is to just launch Yang at the enemy.

BIMBO!?!?! D:<

It’s pretty neat seeing the animation budget go up in every volume of early RWBY.

The whole time Nolan’s listening to the explanation about Nora’s semblance he’s still charging her up, alkfkjdashkjsf

Actually, can a person’s aura protect them from dying from an electrical shock, since that’s mostly internal??? Ren got poked for a few seconds and stiffened up and dropped. If Nora wasn’t immune that probably would have killed her.

Wait, are all of those cups in the bar Qrow’s?? Jesus, man.

Team SSSN needs to work on their... everything. That was a hot fucking mess, lmao.

Oh right, I forgot Winter and Qrow had a best nemesis thing going on. Wonder if that’ll come up in volume 8

“How appropriately... underwhelming.” Oh my god, Winter was such a bitch in her intro, I fucking forgot salkfhdkljal. 

The Ice Queen title has been passed down through the Schnee family for generations!

the subtitles specifically state that’s a crow cawing, but I prefer to think that that’s Raven, come to watch her daughter’s fight.

I can’t remember where, I think it was in my review for RWBY that I said the Qrow v Winter fight kind of sucked. I don’t think I elaborated on that, but rewatching it now? It’s not... bad. But this is a big battle between two incredibly skilled combatants but it just felt incredibly stiff. In a way that previous fights were not.

That being said, the soundtrack during that fight kicked ass.

hehe, get fucked Ironwood

Emerald and Mercury creepily stepping back into the tall grass behind them is actually really funny.

Mercury as a character has never really done much for me. I neither liked or disliked him too strongly. But god, is he an entertaining fighter. The fact that he mostly only uses his legs makes his movements seem so wild and all over the place, but he’s incredibly skilled too. 

Also, Yatsuhashi and Coco seems like a kind of unbalanced fighting team. They’re both heavy hitters, so they’re slower at times. Maybe it would’ve matched better to have Coco and Velvet or Yatsuhashi and Fox.

I was gonna say it’s cute that Qrow just carries that picture of his team with him, but then I noticed that he uses his thumb to cover Raven’s face when Yang starts staring at her.

Oh yeah, I don’t think we ever found out what Penny’s plan was that would allow her to stay at Beacon. I figure by now it was just a red herring so you wouldn’t think that she’d die this volume.

Oh my god, Team FNKI!! >:D

The battle with FNKI is one of my favorites because it introduces two really fun and unique characters and the soundtrack during it is kickass, with having jazz renditions of the opening and Yang’s theme in it.

Also, Flynt’s semblance is the third one that we’ve seen where’s it’s someone making a clone of themself (Blake and Sun’s being the other two), and it’s cool to see the variance in a similar ability. Blake can only do one and it (initially) cannot move, only sit there and take a hit for her. Sun’s are completely mobile, but he can only make two at a time (it seems) and they disappear after a single hit. Flynn’s are mobile, but it looks like they can only copy his own movements, at a slight delay. So attacking one moves all of them.

“The Tale of the Two Brothers” is clearly about the Brothers, the two gods that created Humanity and the Grimm, “The Girl in the Tower” is very likely about Salem before her fall (if I’m remembering that correctly), but I’m not sure what “The Shallow Sea” could be about. I suppose we haven’t gotten that far yet.

“Sorry we’re late” he says, after such convenient timing.

alkdshkahkf i bet Ruby was regretting that “Break a leg!” after the match.

Emerald’s pistols are different in the past. Maybe Cinder taught her to fight better and got her better weapons? I had always wondered why Emerald would be so devoted to Cinder. I know Cinder helped pull her out of poverty, but it didn’t look like Emerald was struggling too much when Cinder found her that she’d devote herself fully to Cinder. I suppose she could just be in love with Cinder, but I’m even more confused if that’s the case, lmao.

it’s weird to offer a little girl who fell off her bike an apple, afkdhfkaf. i don’t think she’s hungry, i think she’s in pain

Love Qrow giving the advice that “sometimes bad things just happen” as if that isn’t his whole life

Yikes, I forgot about the scene where Pyrrha accidently attacks Jaune. 

Ruby has some serious binocular vision if she was able to spot Emerald clear across the stadium like that.

So if Penny had never participated in the tournament, or if Cinder never found out she was a robot, what was Cinder’s plan to create the uproar that lures the Grimm?  Like, was the plan always to have one student accidentally kill another? And Pyrrha and Penny just so happened to make it easy?

if ruby is molecules when she’s using her semblance, how is mercury able to kick her

rip penny (but not for long!)

I’ve got such a love-hate thing going on for Ironwood. Like, obviously his actions suck most of the time, but his motivations and character are so well developed and consistent. I hate what he does, but I understand why he does it. He falls into the same category as Raven does for me.

also, he’s just really bad ass when he fights, lmao. tearing up the ground with his hand, slamming the beowulf one handed, and shooting it in the head with it draped over his back? *chefs kiss*

uggghhh i forgot rewatching rwby from the beginning means i have to subject myself to adam again. my face twisted in disgust at his “hello, my darling” GROSS

I LOVE the scene with Velvet using her weapon, it’s such a great moment. But it’s actually really funny when you think about it cause they had multiple people with different weapons and they all couldn’t take down one Atlesian knight. But a single girl with multiple weapons could, lol. They just needed someone to kick in the cool music so they could win.

rip clownie

Damn, I forgot that Ironwood’s robot half is for that entire half of his body. What in the hell did that to him and how the hell did he survive.

rip amber

rip yang’s arm

My only solace is the knowledge that adam does in fact die in the future. Clinging onto that thought like a prayer everytime he opens his mouth.

You know it’s bad when Sun calls someone else an idiot.

RIP Pyrrha. It’s so hard to watch the fight between her and Cinder knowing what her fate is.

rip cinder’s left side, i guess, i still don’t know what actually happens here

So I’m gonna take a guess and assume Tai never explained to Ruby about her silver eye powers because he didn’t want her to use it and end up becoming a target like, I assume, Summer was.

The dirty look Tai gives Qrow is kind of funny and I don’t know why.

Hey, Qrow’s picked up a bit of Oz’s manipulative spirit.

The scene of Tai happily walking into Ruby’s empty room only to drop her food and run out is soooo sad, please just let this man rest.

"The ability to derive strength from hope is undoubtedly mankind’s greatest attribute. I will focus all of my power... to snuff it out.” The emotional whiplash here is just beautiful. The whole reveal of Salem as not just the narrator from the beginning, but THE villain of the series is fantastic.

The end of Volume 3 certainly feels like the end of a chapter, and I suppose it truly is. From here on out, RWBY feels like an entirely different show, for better or worse. We no longer have the fun, low stakes, almost slice-of-life style episodes. The show becomes far more plot heavy and focused. While there’s a lot I like about the later volumes of RWBY, I will say that I do severely miss what RWBY was before.

Anyway, onward to Volume 4

[freshlybakedspiderbread]

was tagged by @rn0na-lizard to do a thing, I appreciate it...!

rules: tag nine people you want to get to know better!

favourite colour: When I was little and for a long time since, I had decided my favourite colour was red, but now I could never say any one colour takes precedence for me over anything else. Every one conveys a sort of different mood or association that I might be feeling more or less at any given time...

But for just what it comes to what I wear, I feel like I’ve been wanting to lean more towards colours that are ‘both subdued and striking’ so like a dark blue or dark green 🤔🌈 There’s this overly expensive green blouse I’ve been eyeing for a long time...

currently reading: I... haven’t read an actual ‘novel’ novel in any language in so many years. I’m so uneducated! 💀 If there’s anything I should be reading right now, its the road rules manual to prepare for my next driving test next month. (I will probably just try to wing it anyway though)

last song: last night on a whim i ended up listening to most of perfect cherry blossom’s soundtrack. doll judgement ~ the girl who played with people’s shapes still rules by the way!!

something that’s not touhou or a touhou doujin song though... one was In Sympathy by Depeche Mode? I dunno anything about this band but this song was reblogged on someone’s tumblr, i gave it one listen and decided to add to my list of things i’ll just listen to regularly to pass time on spotify (I have a lot of these kinds of songs)🎵

last movie: its been a long while too so i’m not sure... When it comes to watcing things in the theater, I think it might have been spiderverse, which i liked but i think i never want to actually physically go to the theater again.

since then i also through other secret means 🤫 watched the last spider-man movie on my computer with my mother.

last series: As in the last tv show? I think it was the bocchi the rock anime, which i liked and have been listening to the songs on spotify too...

Oh, but since finishing that show, i (also on a whim) been rewatching season 1 of elementary (skimming the parts that don’t interest me). That’s one of the shows I watched once a long while ago and will just periodically go back to like its comfort food or something.

sweet, savoury or spicy: um, i thought ‘savoury’ just means a nice ‘full’ taste that envelopes your mouth, so it can coincide fine with either sweet or spicy? either way my answer depends I guess... If I’m having lunch or dinner, i’d probably prefer spicy over sweet. If i’m just snacking during whatever time, i’d prefer sweet.

tea or coffee: tea! I’ve tried a few different flavours and haven’t found a strong preference for any one type of tea yet, but they’ve all been nice. In contrast, I’ve had coffee i think just once in my life and didn’t care for it at all 😑☕

currently working on: improving myself, an eternal project... Every now and then I think to myself that once i accomplsh some arbitrary thing, that’ll be the first step that allows me to change my whole self around. Never quite works out that way!!

for a less abstract answer, I’ve writing touhou fanfiction as usual. Currently working on what I had hoped would be a really quick and simple thing where i just write out backstory ideas i had for Byakuren and Shou that I’d get done in just a few days < I thought this back in the middle of december and haven’t touched it in weeks. Maybe tomorrow... (< I’ve thought ‘maybe tomorrow’ for many days in a row now)

tagging: 

uahgh. I’ve always felt odd about tagging people in these kind of things, because wouldnt it be awkward if i did that but they don’t really wanna... I’ll say that if anyone does this because they see my post here, then i’d be happy if you tagged me so i could see o_0!

[microsuedemouse]

tagged by @womanaction!!! I love a tag!!!

1. three ships: oh my god. just three? okay well… in the last few days or so. I have thought about. Jyn Erso/Cassian Andor from Rogue One bc god do I love their Doomed Chemistry. Aki Hayakawa/Himeno from Chainsaw Man bc I was catching up on the anime last night and their history and connection is definitely not healthy but golly does it compel me. and uhhh. oh. Annie Edison/Abed Nadir bc I was feeling STUPID squishy a few days ago and wanted to revisit one of my favourite soft ships.

2. first ship ever: oh christ. I’ve been getting too invested in fictional couples since long before I ever knew about fandom. since before I can even remember. uh. if I reach back as far as I can in my brain, I think the earliest ship I can recall caring about is… hm. well. I remember being a small child and thinking that Ord and Cassie from Dragon Tales should fall in love? so.

that said I also grew up on Disney movies and got invested in the romances in those too. so who’s to say. what I know for sure is that I’ve been unbearably romantic literally from toddlerhood; my parents can confirm.

3. currently listening: been back on my non-stop Motion City Soundtrack bullshit for a few days. tho I’m also really enjoying the latest single from Blanks! it’s called Breathe In Breathe Out and it’s very. relevant. at the moment.

4. last movie: a couple nights ago I went to a local film festival screening bc my friend had an entry in the shorts section (she won best short film btw!!!) and the feature film they played that night was a local indie horror called SHIFTED, released last year. it fucked. I bought a copy of the movie and a poster, and two of the actors signed it for me! one of the other actors followed me on ig tonight also lol? (after I put a pic of the poster in my story and tagged the studio.) anyway I hope they score some kind of wide release bc I think more people should get to enjoy it

5. currently reading: HORRORSTÖR by Grady Hendrix. it’s been on my wishlist for years, and Hendrix just put out another new book I rly wanna read, so to prevent myself from spending the money on an expensive newly-released book, I bought a less-expensive several-years-old book. I make very good budget decisions. (I’m really enjoying it so far.)

6. currently watching: aheh. well. on my own I’m still working my way through Hawaii Five-0 (2010). with Mo I’m, uh, rewatching Angel, as well as following Chainsaw Man, To Your Eternity, SPY x FAMILY, and BNHA. our Ben 10 and Darker than Black watches have been on the backburner for a good while now but are technically still ongoing. we’re also following MP100 with Corwin. I… think that’s everything?

7. currently consuming: nothing right this moment but I think I’m gonna go downstairs and get my baguette out of the fridge. I want Bread

8. currently craving: human connection???? lmfao it sounds like I’m goofing but ngl I really need to spend more time with people. I love my family so much but I cannot carry on much longer with them being the Only People I spend leisure time with. oof. how are new friends made

okay I’m supposed to tag nine people I ~want to get to know better~ but I really don’t have that many folks TO tag. so uh. @izupie @silluuuu @karis-the-fangirl you can each pretend to be three people right? 8)

[airborndesigns]

Happy Bi Visibility Day!

Animal Pictures, founded by Maya Rudolph and Natasha Lyonne, produced a film last year called Crush, now streaming on Hulu. It’s an entertaining coming of age comedy I wish was around when I was growing up. It’s writing speaks to the sublime spectrum of sexuality while emphasizing how we’re here to express ourselves and find our people along the way.

There is a wonderful bi character in the film who is an artist and is somewhat private about both. AJ Campos played by Auli’i Cravalho is smart and perceptive. She feels real and more fully formed than your typical teen movie character. Honestly, I wanted her to be the protagonist or for us to have a starring spin-off to look forward to! Crush delivers on a lot of levels. Paige, it’s main character sets out to write an essay about her “happiest moment” to get into the Cal Arts summer program. While dealing with common themes from lots of movies, Crush solves this and other problems in completely new ways and is a total blast to watch! It’s the queer rom-com I didn’t know I needed!

I haven’t seen a high school queer comedy that provided this many laughs since But I’m A Cheerleader, starring Natasha Lyonne. That being said, I love that she chose to produce this one! This time the themes aren’t heavy like that 1999 satire about conversion therapy. In fact, it’s cool to be queer at the high school in Crush and the main character’s mom, played by Megan Mullally, is incredibly supportive. She even borders on too supportive, providing awkward comic relief. I love that this is a direction rom-coms are going in. It’s a genre I love to enjoy!

Yellowjackets, on Showtime, is one of my favorite shows on TV. The creators do a wonderful job of transporting the viewer to high school in the 90’s, and since I graduated in 1999, I was instantly on board. These characters are unique and nuanced in their attractions and I was thrilled to see the show’s cast includes at least four queer characters. “Van” or Vanessa Palmer is played by Lauren Ambrose and really won me over from the start. When we visit her in modern day, she owns a video store somewhere in PA. This show features some of my favorite music and movie references from the 90’s and really channels how media can bring us back to a very specific time and place.

I remember watching the mesmerizing Angelina Jolie in Gia (1998) on HBO and subsequently discovering Foxfire at the video store (1996) starring her, Jenny Shimizu, and Jenny Lewis. These films led me to find All Over Me (1997) starring Leisha Hailey before she was cast in The L Word. I still love listening to the soundtrack from Velvet Goldmine (1998). It transports me right back to seeing it’s colorful musical montages and costume changes for the first time! The world was different then, but we are still dealing with a lot of the same inequities today.

Most of my favorite queer films from the 90’s get progressively bleak as they play, and for good reason, times were tough. I do have a dark sense of humor, and maybe the repetitive nature with which I watched these films is partly why. Yellowjackets definitely translates some of the melancholy of the times, which is just as relevant now. But despite it’s heart-breaking subject matter, I really appreciate it’s celebration of female friendships and all of the women the show employs in front of and behind the camera.

I’m not afraid to admit that I’m more sensitive to watching the queer movies I mentioned from the 90’s now. Maybe it’s because times are still tough and possibly getting tougher. When rewatching, I’ve been known to stop or fast forward them to create the queer joy I need to see today.

That’s why finding a current film like Crush is so affirming and uplifting! I had to share it’s name with you, no matter what your age, because it shows queer women being dynamic and unique individuals! It shows us creating art, finding love, experiencing success like wonderfully complicated and creative human beings. Crush shows queer women supported by their friends and family. And above all, this movie really makes me laugh! Our stories can be fun and fulfilling to watch, over and over again through to the end! That's what I want for us…to see bi+ characters experiencing joy in wonderful ways at any age because that is the reality I want to live in!

#bivisibilityday #happybivisibilityday #queerjoy #animalpictures #animalpicturescrush #crushthemovie #90squeerfilms #butimacheerleader #yelllowjackets #gia #foxfire #alloverme #thelword #velvetgoldmine

[mangacat201]

𝐓𝐀𝐆 (𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄) 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

Got tagged by @hedgewyse whom I was very happy to get to know better via this tag game, thanks a lot! Sorry it took so long to respond, I needed to get on tumblr on the laptop where I can actually type up text and I had a lot of things going on this past week that kept me LOL.

Favourite colour: Blue.

No explanation, not particular reason why, it’s just always been blue. All shades from deep purple to almost white. But I have a special place in my heart for the word ‘turquoise’, which I feel is just so the most. 

Currently reading: Oh good gosh, my open doc reading list is so long, I will constrain myself to the most recent things...

“(Love is)The second oldest profession” The 9-1-1 Buck/Eddie pornstar!AU I knew I needed but kept for a special occasion

I’m also reading “Achtsam Morden” a national German bestseller and the first actual like physical book I’ve picked up in probably four years. It’s hilarious and murdery and perfect

I’m listening to “Blood & Paper” by Kevin Hearne (whom I recently got to meet at a book signing event when he was visiting here and a friend asked me to spontaneously tag along - best decision in ages) Love the audiobook version read by Luke Daniels, he’s a whizz with the accents.

“Hide the drums (there’s fire in the sky)” latest installment of the Magical Marriage Ribbons-Verse, the Untamed Mega Saga, for which the author starandrea has been posting a chapter every day since May 31st 2020, so 805 consecutive days as of now without missing ONE. It boggles the mind. (I’ve started reading when the verse was ... oh I think about three parts in, I haven’t missed one too since then)

Last song: “The Greatest Show on Earth” - Nightwish, it’s my soundtrack for my daily yoga practice (no I am in fact not joking), so it doesn’t really count last leisure listening was the soundtrack of ‘Robin Hood - Das Musical’

Last series: Ooofff... ok, so many balls in the air at the same time. I’m watching “The Sandman” of course, as you do and loving it. Also “Extraordinary Attorney Woo” which is THE MOST(tm). Recently finished my rewatch and catch-up of “Manifest” and rewatched a couple of episodes of The Devil Judge with a friend who just started and that I got into it, remembering why I can’t be normal about those boys (and how delightful it is to rewatch with someone experiencing sth for the first time). Of course went down the magnificent and batshit crazy rabbithole that is Kinnporsche. Also, “Tomorrow” which is definitely my fav K-Drama of 2022.

Last movie: Day Shift - Fun and a nice remix of vampire tropes that you don’t really see on top of each other a lot. But it felt more like a set up to a movie trilogy I don’t know if it’s made enough impact into getting, so the premise might have been served better as a mini series? ...The Gray Man, which was solid and enjoyable and absolutely bonkers with how hilarious it was to watch Chris Evans have a ton of fun playing straight up, no holds barred, unredeemable villian. Ryan Gosling can stay... Ana de Armas is queen bee.

Currently working on: My last day of vacation :sob: and of course my WIP/plot bunnie enclosure excel spreadsheet (yes, I do not do things by half until I halfass writing them). Anyway, actual words or plotty thinky thoughts were put into:

- The Devil Judge a/b/o PWP (that has, so far, about 5k of set up and no porn) with a Jung Sunah made them do it scenario and non-traditional dynamics (yeah, idek...)

- Vincenzo Inception fusion - Jang Han Seo wakes up from getting shot to a curious set up of sleeping people around him (really really wanna write this one but the premise is so vast I’m afraid of flaming out again)

- three separate 9-1-1 Buddie fics of varying size and scope that reaches from one’s in love the other isn’t and confessions make things complicated (or do they), the fall out from the truck bombing goes the other way for Buck & the “Eddie deals with his 5B-issues by discovering shibari”!AU (do NOT try this at home-therapy)

- The Untamed - Blades of Glory!AU

pheeeeew. hooookay, wow, that was interesting, hope your learned something about me. I’mma tag some people, but please, feel free to participate at your own leisure. @hattalove, @the-marathon-continues-nip , @iskarieot, @themostglorioushour, @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels , @fondofeveryprickle, @ahhhnorealnamesallowed, @sam-t-a, @b612sunsets

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed, Episode 26, part two

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Stuff)

Warning! Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Content note: This episode has a lot of lightning, but this post does not have lightning flashes--I’m using mostly stills for those parts, or I’ve snipped out the unfriendly frames before giffing.

Qing-Jie

Having successfully ruined Jin Guangshan’s party plan to get the Yin Tiger seal, Wei Wuxian dashes off to tell Wen Qing where her brother is. She hops up to hit the road with him, but then sorta-faints because she’s starving. In a rare moment of tenderness between these two, he catches her and gently sits her down again. 

Normally they’re busy out-toughing each other, both before and after this moment, but right now Wen Qing is openly vulnerable. Wei Wuxian responds to that, predictably, with all of his kindness and with his usual slew of unwise, impossible-to-keep promises.

As she eats the bread he’s brought her--a parallel to an important piece of bread in his early life--he says they have to believe in Wen Ning’s survival. Cut to: Wen Ning, not surviving. 

I mean, yes, yes, he’s only mostly dead, but he’s never going to be fully alive again, so.  

24 Hour Party People

Back at the party, Jin Guangyao, deliberately, I think, goes to offer his pops a drink while his pops is still super furious and looking for someone to take it out on. The servant lady is like, better you than me, pal, and helps JGY get his drink ready. Pops, predictably, knocks the drink onto Jin Guangyao.

(more behind the cut)

Lan Xichen is standing by with a hanky and a face full of worry. Lan Xichen is so Lanny that he thinks JGY needs to go change clothes after getting clear alcohol spilled on him, rather than just letting it evaporate and smelling pleasantly of booze for the rest of the evening like a normal party guest. 

JGY launches into a criticism of Wei Wuxian, which Lan Wangji listens to very carefully, frowning. Lan Xichen, Nie Huasang and Jiang Cheng listen as well, and don’t speak up. 

A Clear Conscience

Then Lan Wangji *literally* steps out of his brother’s shadow, and speaks in defense of Wei Wuxian. This right here is Lan Wangji’s turning point, as far as I’m concerned. Xichen is gazing at JGY, totally on board with JGY’s spin of the situation, and his shadow falls away from Lan Wangji’s face as LWJ steps forward.

Lan Wangji says, isn’t what WWX said true? JGY puts on his customer service smile and says that the truth isn’t something you’re supposed to go around saying out loud. 

I’d like to say this is what’s wrong with cultivator society but this is really a universal human thing; every society has rules about upsetting the social order, and they are very frequently at odds with basic compassion and morality. 

Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng stay silent but Lan Xichen goes and throws Wei Wuxian under the bus carriage, saying his character has changed. 

Lan Wangji nods decisively at this, and bows to Lan Xichen, silently asking permission to follow Wei Wuxian. Lan Xichen grants permission, telling Lan Wangji to do his best. Lan Xichen probably thinks he and Lan Wangji are in agreement, in this moment, but that nod of Lan Wangji’s was nothing of the kind.

That nod was Lan Wangji agreeing with himself; he is going to try to bring Wei Wuxian back but he is also going to listen to him.  Meanwhile Lan Xichen is tying himself in knots to appease Jin Guangyao. The divergence between the brothers will just grow, from this point onwards.

Lan Wangji leaves to go follow his boyfriend conscience, while Jiang Cheng continues to silently listen to the commentary of others, and gets so mad he crushes a wine cup.

It Was A Dark and Stormy Night.

Wen Qing and Wei Wuxian arrive at the prison camp, and the first person they encounter is Granny, with a defaced Wen Banner in her hand and Wen Yuan on her back. 

Whenever I read a meta or a fic that talks about how the juniors are so sweet partly because they are “untouched by the war” I want to point to this moment. A-Yuan endures an absolute truckload of war trauma by the time he’s four years old, and while Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji both deserve a lot of credit for saving him at great risk to themselves, Granny and Uncle Four are the first heroes of A-Yuan’s story. His kind, mellow personality has a lot in common with theirs. 

This is followed by an eternity of Wen Qing running around asking if anyone’s seen her brother. Eventually Wei Wuxian gets tired of this and gathers the guards together, threatening them with Chenqing. 

He doesn’t need to play it; just holding it up has every Jin dude instantly kneeling and scared. 

The guards send him and Wen Qing go to a giant field of corpses, where Wen Qing runs around checking to see if any of them is her brother. Wei Wuxian starts off kind of detached and angry, but eventually snaps out of it, tucks away his flute and starts helping her to search. 

Wen Qing finds Wen Ning, mostly-dead with a lure flag speared into his belly. Wei Wuxian grimly takes in the situation from across the field of corpses. 

When he arrives at Wen Qing’s side he sees this talisman in Wen Ning’s hand. 

This is the talisman that Wei Wuxian made for Wen Ning back in Gusu summer school, before the war. It’s the one that Wen Ning was wearing at his waist when they met up after the massacre of Lotus Pier. It’s supposed to literally protect Wen Ning from having his spiritual consciousness snatched, as well as being a symbol of Wei Wuxian’s sense of responsibility for, and affection for, Wen Ning. 

Wei Wuxian, understandably, loses his shit at this point. Less understandably, he is about to decide that the best way to express his sorrow and rage is to re-animate the corpse of his friend, right in front of the corpse’s sister. Like, seriously, dude. Dude. 

Ghost General

This super-questionable decision leads to one of the most badass sequences in the show, which is unfortunately chock full of lightning flashes, so not everyone can watch it. Wei Wuxian and his flute and swirls of resentful energy come marching out of the darkness of the corpse field, back to the guards. 

The guards have decided to slaughter all of the prisoners and then run away, which would be a good plan except they should really have skipped right to the running away part of things. When Wei Wuxian accuses them of killing the prisoner in the corpse field, they claim that the Wens have a habit of falling off of a hill and dying. Wei Wuxian can relate. 

At this point Wei Wuxian summons up Wen Ning 2.0, ultra badass edition, who comes flying through the air with his odd, straight-armed fighting stance and cool solid-black eyes and rock-and-roll hair. 

Soundtrack: *Four Sticks*

Wen Ning proceeds to whale on the guards and scare the shit out of his relatives.

Then Wen Qing shows up and begs Wei Wuxian to stop. She explains that Wen Ning is only mostly dead. Like, if he was fully dead would she be okay with this? 

Wei Wuxian tries to reel Wen Ning in and realizes that he is not actually in control of Wen Ning. Ok, see, right from the first day of Wen Ning 2.0, WWX is aware that his control is iffy. Why does he think he’s going to be able to control him later? 

Anyway, this is where we learn Wen Ning’s grown-up name is Wen Qionglin. Wei Wuxian yells this name, and Wen Ning looks up like a cat hearing the “food noise,” and then proceeds to get control of himself. 

This is such a nice symbolic moment, that will be replayed later in the temple, when Wen Ning saves Jin Ling from Baxia. 

Wen Ning has a remote-code-execution OS vulnerability throughout the story; his soul is at risk of being stolen, and he is magically controlled by Wei Wuxian, Xue Yang, Su She, and Baxia.  Meanwhile Wen Qing, Wei Wuxian, and random kids on the street mostly treat him as a child, despite his clear adult capabilities. Wen Ning’s journey in The Untamed is at least partly about asserting his full adulthood, and his ability to overcome magical control is directly connected to that journey.  

After getting Wen Ning to chill, Wei Wuxian calls the floating resentful energy back into his own body, which looks about as comfortable as swallowing a burp. 

On the plus side, apparently resentful energy keeps your hair dry even when it’s raining.

Wei Wuxian should take a page from the guards’ book and slaughter all the Jin witnesses to this situation, but he decides to be the better person and let them live. They go running off down the road, where they encounter Lan Wangji and give him the 411, saying that Wei Wuxian resurrected dead people.

Meanwhile Wei Wuxian collects Wen Qing--half-fainted, again, in an echo of the start of their journey--and collects the Dafan Mountain Wen group, who are hiding, wisely. When they see Wen Ning, Uncle Four and some others start to freak out, but Wei Wuxian tells them that fierce corpses are cool, and they all grab horses and mount up.

Where Are You Going?

Lan Wangji is waiting for them, nonconfrontationally indulging in some visual poetry while he waits. 

In a show where every prop is exquisitely, carefully designed to enhance our understanding character, his Gusu-toned umbrella reveals surprising red and yellow threads woven in, right above his eye line as he looks at Wei Wuxian. 

Wei Wuxian speaks first, saying “you came to stop me?” Lan Wangji doesn’t answer, but asks him where he’s going. Then Lan Wangji warns him that he’s about to abandon orthodoxy forever, if he follows through. 

Wei Wuxian challenges this idea of orthodoxy, asking if Lan Wangji remembers the promise they made together, back in Gusu. It’s worth noting that they both appear to think of it as a co-promise, even though Lan Wangji didn’t speak aloud at the time. 

The conversation will continue in the next episode, because what’s better than a rainy romantic cliffhanger?

Soundtrack: Four Sticks by Led Zeppelin

[honeyatsu]

Loner (Junpei x F!Reader)

Reader implied POC! but ofc anyone can read <3

warnings: none that I can think of

Summary: 

Junpei was suspicious of you. He always felt the world was filled with people who were naturally evil in some way, until you came into his life and challenged his theory.

masterlist

Spotify playlist - all the songs I listened to helping me write this story. lmao and songs that helped inspire some parts. Think of it as an unorganized soundtrack. 

AO3

a/n: Hiii. He deserved better. I was rewatching and got mad all over again. The first time I saw his character arch I almost threw the whole show away lmfao but I can’t wait to continue the manga during summer! There wasn’t enough content so I decided to make some. 

The familiar dark marble floors were all Junpei would keep his eyes on as he walked to his next class, the chatter of his fellow classmates bouncing around the walls acting as background noise he would attempt to mentally cancel out. Junpei didn’t bother to look anyone in the eye, it’s not as if he had anyone to look forward to seeing anyways truthfully. High school was supposed to be a place where the best memories were made, but Junpei couldn’t relate to those empty promises of those being his best years. Everyday feeling as if there was a target on his back for his unfriendly peers; he would do his best to hide within the shadows he felt comfortable in, doing his best to make himself as invisible as possible. His only goal was being to survive the day without being bothersome to others.

Just as before, staring at the ground and ignoring the chatter going on in the classroom he made his way to the conjoined desk in the back of the room. He sat on the desk and began pulling out the material, his first time raising his head during the day to scan the room, everyone but one other person having a sitting partner. It didn’t sting him that he was sitting alone, that’s how things usually went for him. He was either alone or ostracized, finding being alone the better option of the two.

As the teacher began to lecture about the importance of being prepared for the advanced chemistry class, Junpei began to scribble down in his notebook taking notes already. His eyes didn’t leave his notepad until he heard the large bang of the classroom door hitting the wall.

“I’m sorry for being late!” you screamed while bowing to the class, panting and catching your breath with your hands now holding on to your knees. It was easy to tell that you ran to class and still managed to be notably late.

The teachers rolled her eyes at you, unfazed by your obnoxious entrance in the classroom. “Just choose a seat.” She scowled before returning to the beginnings of her lecture.

Your eyes scanned the room before you noticed the empty spot in the combined desk in the back, you didn’t even look at the person who would be sitting beside you, you just knew you wanted the desk farthest away from the front to prevent being called on during class.

Junpei on the other hand cursed himself as he saw you rush to the seat next to him; he knew that the seat was your target as soon as he noticed your eyes land on it. He recognized who you were, he knew who your friends were. Why would you sit next to him? What was your plan, to mock him? His heart was beating rapidly the closer you got, his palms began sweating. He doesn’t know if he can manage being picked on in class, he has never had a personal interaction with you but what made you different from your friends?

You rushed your way to your seat and began to drag the items from your bag onto the desk. Your elbow accidentally bumped into the classmate next to you, the physical action causing a small yelp from the boy. You finally turn to see him, the first thing you noticed were his eyes, they were the kind of green that would kiss over the ground during the beginning of spring time, probably the prettiest green eyes you’ve ever seen. His hair was brown and reached his shoulders, with one bang large enough to cover the right side of his face. You were too enchanted by his appearance that it took you a while to see how uncomfortable he was. His body was slightly trembling as your elbow was still making physical contact with him, his eyes slightly widened, he wasn’t even trying to hide how uncomfortable he was with the accidental physical reaction along with you staring at him as if he had three heads.

“Sorry.” You whispered to him removing your elbow from his side and looking down at your stationary materials, organizing them on the desk. From the corner of your eyes you can see him looking down at his desk, his body was stiff, and you could tell he was still uncomfortable. “If me sitting here bothers you, I’ll move…. it’s just this is a hard class and I don’t want to be called on all the time and embarrass myself.” You turn to face him and see that he still isn’t looking at you. “But please put up with me. I promise I won’t distract you.”

His eyes perked up while hearing your last sentence, he didn’t expect you to have such a kind and sincere tone. He finally brought his head up, slighting turning his head to face you. He couldn’t point out where he’s seen eyes like yours before, and he saw the small smile formed on your lips. People have smiled at him before and he can usually tell how people are feeling by looking at their eyes. He was good at reading people, he had to be just to survive. But he couldn’t read you, he couldn’t tell how you were feeling towards him. He doesn’t remember the last time someone showed him any sort of sincerity.

“No…it’s fine. You can sit here.” He managed to whisper out while looking back down scribbling down some notes.

Fifteen minutes went by, the class slowly dragging out and it being harder to focus. Junpei’s head was starting to feel heavy, he didn’t regain complete focus until he noticed the ink getting lighter on his notebook. He scribbled fast and hard, trying to get ink out before realizing it was completely dry. He cursed himself in his head, his day just starting and already something had to go wrong. Hearing the sound of rough scribbling on the paper your eyes darted to his side, seeing the pen drag only putting scratches on the sheet.

His head turned towards you out of curiosity, hearing the aggressive rustling from you digging in your bag. Your eyes focused and face scrunched up in concentration, your tongue slightly sticking out. He wanted to think you were cute, but he knew who your friends were, and that group was anything but cute. While he was deep in thought about how unfortunate it was that he already knew the type of person you were by your crowd, he almost missed the sense of accomplishment displayed on your face as you pulled out a packet of glitter pens. Your smile grew as you turned to him, realizing he was already looking at you. You were satisfied with the first instance of eye contact with your desk mate. He felt the heat rise to his cheeks; he didn’t need a mirror to know the red hues were forming on his face embarrassed with getting caught staring at you.

“These are my favorite pens.” You whispered to him, still looking at him not caring that he looked away for a second. “I only share these with my friends.” His eyes grew wide, were you going to rub in his face that his pen went out on him? What kind of teasing was this, for you to make fun of something so small? He was appalled that he knew he was right, you sat next to him just to -

“So, lets be good friends, okay?” You cut off his train of thought as you placed a dark blue glitter pen on his desk. He slowly turned to you, seeing the same smile on your face from earlier, the same smile he couldn’t quite read.

He nodded back at you nervously, his hands shaking as he grabbed the pen you placed onto his side of the desk. You nodded to him as you returned to focusing on the lesson, knowing his nod was his way of saying ‘thank you’ without speaking.

Junpei had trouble focusing on the rest of the lesson, hands still shaking while using the pen you let him borrow.

                  ---------------------------------------------------------

Your body ached as you dragged yourself out of the school grounds. Cheer club just ended, and you were exhausted from learning the basics of it considering this would be your first time being in the cheer club. The sun was out still, slowly going down making the sky a mix of yellow, orange and red. The only thing you could think about was going home and hoping that your mom had left over food from the dinner the other day.

While walking to the direction of your house you noticed a boy with a slender build a few feet away from you, and once you saw the long bang you grew excited, recognizing him as the boy you sat next to in class. All the energy you lost regained quickly as you ran up to your new friend. “Hey!” You screamed as you ran into his back, tripping on the cracked ground while making your way towards him. You held on to his sides to prevent you from falling, his body tensed up at the sudden contact and you screaming at him.

His heart dropped, he thought he was able to go an entire day without being picked on. He was confused, he didn’t think you’d bother him too. He made sure to not get in anyways way today, he just wanted a day where he could be in the background and be left alone, but at the last moment of him being on his way home you appeared out of nowhere and ran into him. Were you trying to push him down? Did you get angry he never gave the pen back? Were you being kind to trick him before you finally got to pick on him like the rest of your friends?

“I’m sorry!” You squealed out. You removed your hands from his back and walked towards him, giving him a tired smile.

You apologized for hitting him, why did you apologize?

“Didn’t mean to run into you! I just left my club and saw you walking, I wanted to say hi. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, again.” You laughed out awkwardly. Junpei gave you a confused look. He was suspicious of you, what did you want from him for you to constantly acknowledge him unprovoked? Sure, he’ll let go of the class interaction. You guys were desk mates, you were probably being cordial. You lend him your pen because you noticed his ran out, unlike your friends you at least had common decency. But why would you come up to him outside of class? What could you possibly gain from talking to him outside of having to?

The pen. Once he remembered he never gave it back, he retrieved it from his pocket and brought it out, extending his hand out to give it to you. “I-I never said thank you. Here, you can have it back.”

Once you saw what he was trying to do you laughed at his actions, “I gave it to you silly. It’s yours to keep! I mean we’re friends after all, right?”

His breathe got caught in his throat, he felt unable to respond. He tried to find any signs of malice in your face but couldn’t find anything.

“Oh, right. I sound funny declaring friendship when I don’t even think I’ve given you my name! I’m y/n.” You said with a smile.

For the first time, he returned it back to you softly. “Junpei.”

You opened your mouth to say something back, but your next sentence was disrupted with a loud growl from your stomach. Your eyes widened in embarrassment as your squealed and brought your arms to your side, squeezing your stomach.

“Sorry!” you said quickly, “I just left my club. It was a lot of work today, my body is exhausted and I’m starved.”

Junpei laughed at your reaction, you smiled realizing you got another first from him today.

“Hey Junpei, are you busy?”

“Uhm, I was just going to walk home now…” he replied back to you softly.

“How about we get some ramen! I know this great place not too far from school. I was gonna eat at home, but there probably isn’t food anyways. And you’re here so I don’t gotta go alone! You’ll love it I promise, it’s so good.” You continued to ramble on. You didn’t even give Junpei a chance to respond to you before you grabbed his wrist and dragged him along to the direction of the ramen restaurant. You were walking in front of him as he was being dragged behind you, you were holding onto his wrist the entire way there. He was glad you didn’t get a chance to see his flustered face the entire way there.

        ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You’re seriously not going to finish?” Your voice was muffled due to your cheeks being stuffed with the food in your mouth. It was hard not to stare at you while you were eating, he’s never seen a girl eat so aggressively or fast. You took a big swallow of the remaining food in your mouth, his eyes grew wide noticing your bowl, completely empty. “How embarrassing, I’m done already.” You whined out noticing his bowl looking as if its barley been touched.

“I don’t eat much.”

“I guess I should have asked if you had an appetite before I invited you. All I did was embarrass myself.” You sighed as you leaned back in your booth, rubbing your bloated stomach for comfort.

“I-it’s okay! Um, I’m…sorry?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his flustered expression, “You’re real funny, you know?” You took out your phone and whined as you noticed how late it was getting. “It’s getting so late and I totally forgot I had chores! My moms gonna kill me!” You hurriedly got up and grabbed your school bag.

Before you walked away you turned to Junpei, “I hope we do something like this again one day.” And with that being the last thing you said, you ran out of the restaurant and headed your way home.

Junpei was in his head the entire way home. This by far had to be the most confusing school day he’s had. He tried not so hard to think about the classroom interaction, but then you basically forced him to hang out with you after school hours. Friends weren’t something Junpei had a lot of, he grew up being bullied and it followed him even at the age of seventeen. Outside of his few club members, he didn’t really talk to anyone let alone see them after school.

He’s seen you around before, you were pretty popular. You were always surrounded by friends; he can’t say he was fond of any of them. You declared him as your friend, but didn’t you know what your friends did to him? He couldn’t tell if you were genuine, and he wasn’t ready to let his guard down yet. This was too suspicious for him.

All he had on you so far was:

You were very peculiar, your aura screamed kindness but it could be too good to be true. He had just met you after all.

You had a problem with being on time.

Him being in his head made his walk home seem quicker than it usually was, time flew by as he was mentally theorizing who you were as a person and what was your plan with him. He didn’t even hear his mother greet him as he walked in, asking if he was hungry and ready to eat.

“Junpei? Are you not going to eat?”

“Hm?” He finally looked up from the ground facing his mom. “Oh, no. Sorry. I didn’t tell you I went out to eat after school. With a….friend.”

next

[youremyonlyhope]

MAMD

Ok seeing all the rewatchers1000 posts has inspired me to rewatch Me and My Dick too.

It’s literally been a decade since I last watched this. I definitely was in high school. I think I’ve only watched this musical twice maybe 3 times, though I do genuinely love it.

It’s so strange that as a completely naive teenager whose introduction to most sexual jokes came from this musical, and is now greysexual, that the musical still managed to take hold of SUCH a special place in my heart.

Now let’s see if the Old Snatch is still my favorite character or not. I know I used to adore her.

Aww Joey’s a BABY. Oof the sound quality. I don’t know why I had my volume so low. “I love you more than anything... my Dick.”  Joe’s a baby too. “Never even seen a booby” why did that line just kill me. “Good grief” aww. The head tilt! I’ve listened the Apocalyptour soundtrack so many times over the years, that I’m not used to them actually finishing the sentence “It’s me and my dick!” Tell me why I’m singing along to Dick’s lines and not Joey’s? Awwww little baby Jaime. “And if we’re late for class, well I guess that’s ok!” “Is she gone?” “Yeah! I’m gone!” Oh my god she’s a salad. I can’t remember, did we make that into an insult like we did for toaster...

I’m also drinking a hard pear cider that I discovered my bodega sells earlier this week. It’s delicious.

Aww there’s a bit of the trumpet from Listen to Your Heart in the scene transition! The audience reaction to Miss Cooter’s name. Yesssss Ready to Go. Legitimately one of the best StarKid songs to this day. “AgNOooo3″ Aww Ali. Literally a baby. She was the reigning youngest StarKid for so long. “...and it’s only when the Silver and the Nitrogen find all THREE Oxygens that they finally solve the case!” “...Calm down.” Amazing.

God I forgot how short some of these parts were back when YouTube didn’t let you post more than 10 minutes.

Oh shoot how did I only just noticed the “This video is for big StarKids only!” in the description. That’s so cute. They tried. They did not succeed in keeping away the little StarKids.

Ok wait one more interruption before I press play on Part 3. I just noticed that the video says 12 years ago. I just gagged. Ok moving on.

Alle-Faye! She’s so good. Yessssssss The Old Snatch and Flopsy.  “Wide Receiver” I can’t. God I’m so used to the SPACE version that I nearly went straight into Flopsy’s verse after the Old Snatch’s. “What, I ain’t!” Brolden your voice. “Whiles, we’s, waits to be delivered, go ahead cry me a river, we agree that there’s no quid pro quo” That line has always been my favorite for some reason. I just love the jazzy rhythm. The whole jazzy vibe of the show is amazing. “Save your tears for lubrication!” Amazing.  “I know there’s so much more to what I think I see” I keep singing the new soprano line they used in Homecoming. “TOTES JUST TOTED!” amazing. God. That’s such a good song. It’d be the perfect opening number for the show, if Me and My Dick wasn’t the title number and needed in order to explain the concept of the show. Also I never realized that Corey, Arielle, Lily, and Richard are the only “ensemble” in the show. I don’t think I ever realized there were only 12 people in this entire cast... how many were in AVPM... now I gotta check. There were 17. Also there’s 13 in the cast, AJ just isn’t in Ready to Go. Also, Nicholas Joseph Strauss-Matathia. Fave.

“I heard Joey Richter ate his poop because his Dick told him to” What. “He looks like an old lesbian!” I forgot that joke. “I WANNA HAVE CARIBBEAN STUDY WITH YOU!” Iconic. Oh wait. It just hit me that of the 4 (or 8 if you count the genitalia) main characters, 3 (6) are women. Though of course, 2 vaginas are played by men, so it does come out to 4 and 4 for actors, but character-wise, it’s 6 and 2. That’s fun. Somehow this managed to be the most woman-dominant show other than Firebringer, in a way. “Thank you so much, for giving all that up, so I can have that with Vanessa and not with you” Amazing. I forgot that Devin has an operatic voice in this song. This song now makes me think of the time StarKid had a fan join Joe in singing this song at LeakyCon a few years ago. Purposefully to prank a fan with having to sing the least-well-known StarKid song. I will admit it is forgettable. Also the fan somewhat knew the song and stumbled through it pretty well, so all the StarKids were like “That went so much better than we though! We wanted to make a joke but you did it!” at the end. I love that Richard’s entire point in this show is just to make fun of Joey.

Aww. Every StarKid show needs an outdated reference. This time, it’s “I thought you’d go all Britney on me and have a spaz attack.” The sword of Gryffindor is in there. “A stiff outer lip” That probably went over my head as a teen. “Don’t be a stranger” “Never!” Love her. The slow building laugh at “She’s got long, beautiful, flowing hair.” Oh my god sorry I can’t get over how young Joey is, he’s a baby. “Are you nuts?” “A little” adorable. “We’re like Batman and Robin, or Superman... and his dick!” Amazing.

”And by pecker I assume you’re referring to a p-p-p-p-p-p... a cock” Nick my god. Knowing that Devin and Nick were really close friends in college (if I remember the story correctly, he coined “devdevnumnums” at orientation when they met and that was her tumblr url back in the day) makes this song even funner to me. God I love the Old Snatch. Oh my god the pearl necklaces. A costume piece that went over my head. ”Oh you must really be wet... behind the ears! With naiveté!” Lines that went over my head. OH MY GOD. TIFFANY HAS A RED ENV2! I HAD A RED ENV2 IN 2009! Oh my god just squeaked. What a throwback. Aww the Old Snatch.

I haven’t mentioned the blue headband yet, but I love the blue headband so much. “Don’t worry, no one’s gonna have sex with you while I’m here” *sincere nodding* Amazing. I forgot that line until about 2 seconds before it happened. “Do you want me to give you a back scratch?” “No we’re fine.” “No thanks.” I’m dead. THE TEXTBOOK. “She wants to have sex with us.” “She does?” “Yeah.” “Nice I did it!” Amazing. Oh the camerawork when Dick looks to his left for someone else. I’m glad they thought ahead with the camerawork even for their second show. AHHHH THE SOCK. I JUST SCREAMED. LIGHTING A MATCH?? I remembered Flopsy coming out like a monster about a second before it happened. “I’m not gonna fucking sing with you!” Another line that came back to me only just before it happened. Also, Brian looks really pretty with the make-up and the wig. I remember watching that entire scene when I was 14 and PRAYING my parents wouldn’t walk in and ask what I was watching. I was cringing the entire time, but this time it’s funny (and still made me cringe a bit because it’s meant to be awkward).

Awww here we go. The first scene of MAMD I ever saw because I wanted to know why everyone loved AJ so much. “I wish I was born without a dick. Or as a girl or something.” 2009 StarKid is accidentally sort of trans-inclusive for that one line. Sort of. I remember being SO confused seeing Dick run away out of context when I watched only this scene. And In context it’s still shocking. Aww the heartbeat. “Why hello there Joey.” AJ’S A BABY!!! HE’S SO YOUNG!! HE’S A BABY! I literally just squeaked. Oh my god he’s so young. “Wow the nine of hearts!” “That’s right the king of hearts!” “Ew!” “Read this. It’s a Jane Austen novel Joey.” Oh my god I was just talking to one of my coworkers about how obsessed I am with Jane Austen. Why did StarKid stop referencing her in their musicals?  Oh it’s Sense and Sensibility. So is Vanessa the Willoughby and Sally is the Colonel Brandon? Am I overthinking this? Am I slightly tipsy from 2 ciders because I have no alcohol tolerance? I’m gonna go with: they’re trying to draw a parallel there with the Marianne love triangle but making it Joey. I think it works. To my half asleep slightly tipsy mind. “Sometimes, your one true love turns out to be the person you initially... disliked.” Yes definitely, I forgot that line, but I caught on to that parallel correctly. I am SO HAPPY. “When did Jane Austen say that?” In half her novels Joey. Why specifically 223%? I cannot get over how little AJ is! He’s such a baby! He’s so young. Oh my god. So cute. I can’t. BRB gotta see if I can find an example of one of those old AJ Holmes Appreciate Day posts from like 2012 oh my god.

Ok so way back in 2011 and 2012, when a whole bunch of us had our own little group that posted constantly on the StarKidPotter FB wall (before FB introduced Timeline and messed up our system of posting), we used to do an AJ Holmes Appreciation Day and just post things about how awesome AJ was, but in like Chuck Norris 2010s style jokes. I just went back in my Facebook activity to see, and I wrote things like “Apple Juice is only firetrucking delicious because its initials are A.J.” and “AJ Holmes dares to disturb Goyle’s slumber!”

But the one that is relevant and I think I’m probably most proud of: “AJ Holmes doesn’t listen to his heart, his heart listens to him.”

Ok that’s my StarKid fandom history/walk down memory lane/intermission done. On to Act 2!

WAIT A SECOND. I am not done. I had posted “JK Rowling didn’t come up with the idea of Harry Potter, AJ Holmes whispered it into her ear.” and basically, did I accidentally predict A Very Potter Senior Year in 2011... StarKid, should I ask for royalties? (I’m kidding)

OK NOW I’m done and going on to Act 2. Also I have a headache now, which means I shouldn’t have drunk that second cider, I should have saved it for another time. Oh well. I’ll power through.

Oh my god. Dick on the street. Oh my god Nick saying “Fuck you!” over and over. I’m DEAD. Darren’s cameo oh my god. Corey and Arielle are amazing. “Wait that’s just a curtain” Oh, the 4th wall breaks. “Ever since I rescued Weenie from a bird” A BIRD. I FORGOT THE BIRD. Do we get to see the bird? The Land of the Dicks is such a great jazz song. Also flashback to me talking to some girls on the StarKid Takes Manhattan line who were younger than me and them saying “I’m worried they’ll sing a song from MAMD. My mom’s going to come to the concert, and she doesn’t know about that show.” and I said “Don’t worry. They only do Ready to Go or Listen to your Heart live. I mean, it’s not like they’re gonna sing Land of the Dicks. Hahaha” And then Lauren sang the Land of the Dicks. Which was AMAZING, but I remember turning to one of them when the opening started and mouthing “I am so sorry...” God Land of the Dicks is genuinely SUCH a good song oh my god. I hope AJ and Carlos are proud of it. Also oh my god. I gotta throw out some appreciation for Corey. Who honestly did not get the appreciation he deserved from the fandom until we started the Hatchetfield musicals. But I loved him so much in this show. Also Arielle is always such a pleasant surprise. I always forget how prominent she is in this show. I wish she did more things with StarKid. Was she even at Homecoming...

Joey’s face at nincompoop amazing. “Too bad you’ll never be a leading man because of that JAW of yours.” AWWWW. NOOOO WE LOVE THE JAW. “You’re forgetting the most important prop!” 4th wall breaks. “The hour is nigh!” Oh my god. “I don’t wanna see or be seen by anyone today.” Wow. Far too relatable. “THAT IS WAY TOO OVERWHELMING FOR A TUESDAY” the number of times over the last 11 years that I’ve thought of that line... The flower in the shoe and Old Snatch’s “Hows romantic.” I can’t. Oh my god. I just remembered “Raise my children!” “Sometime the best thing to say... is a kiss.” “Good line Joey!” “What?” “The fuck!?” That was the FUNNIEST line to me. “Did everybody hear that? Joey Richter has a limp little dick!” Oh Richard. “Oh my props.” Old Snatch oh my god. “Tiffany, doll, I love ya. But you are the dumbest fucking person, I have ever met, in my entire life” I love that line. And I love that the audience is laughing so hard they drown Nick out before he even finishes. I love the Old Snatch so much.

“Sex sex sex pussy pussy sex pussy sex pussy sex.” “Pussy. Sex.” I’m dead. This whole “pussy time” speech in insane. And so the incel movement began. “The president of the United States can’t even order out for some pussy or else he’s gonna get impeached.” “LEWINSKY.” Oh my god. I definitely did not know who Monica Lewinsky was when I was 14. Amazing. Actually maybe I learned who she was from MAMD... honestly, that’s a very real possibility. “What’s a pussy gotta do when she wants a dick? She just says ‘dick please?’ and the sun is blocked out by dicks.” I remembered sun blocked out line only seconds before it happened, and I was already laughing so hard. Also the caption says *indiscernible, it’s just too funny* for the next line Corey says since it’s completely drowned out by laughter and lost to history. Oof the “sex change” joke didn’t really age well. “Let’s go do jazz squares.” I love how Corey hits Arielle’s head with his hat so hard her beanie flies off.

“You’re a fatty. Joey look at me when you cry, you’re fatty.” “And what a poor choice of shirt.” “It’s the only one I have.” Oh my god Ali taking the tickets. Ahhh the caption says *wind carrying away all of Joey’s hopes and dreams* I’m dead. “Can the choir class come into the room yet?” “Because Joey Richter is CUH-RYING IN HERE.” oh my god. I thought about that line a few weeks ago for the first time in years and it killed me. And “I think he needs to be picked up” adorable. I can’t handle it. “Um, Joey, I love you.” “Thanks friend, I love you too.” Ahhhh help. Oh the audio got so much clearer suddenly for Sally’s confession. “I want all of you, Joey Richter. And all I can give in return is myself. I wish I could give you more.” Awwwwwwwww. That line. “But I... there’s a... wait I....... Shit.” The “shit” on cue with the music, amazing. Ahhh I forgot how cute of a song Even Though is. Hey, StarKid, why cut the parts mid-way through the song!? Stupid YouTube...

“Maybe she is the person who we initially disliked!” Hey we got there. “Listen to your heart.” “NO. You screwed everything up last time.” “And I could very well screw it up this time!” Lily as Sally’s Heart. Adorable. That little curtsy at “and now twenty-first century!” is so cute. I’m glad StarKid didn’t do the usual take-off-her-glasses-and-she’s-pretty route for Sally. “Well that’s probably because our hearts are dancing a waltz to a song in 4/4 time.” I love that joke and oh my god the caption says (Everyone appreciates the joke) amazing. Also I love that the Hearts are like... grasping and letting go of their hands in beat to the heartbeat. Miss Cooter coming out from between her legs oh my god. Joey kissing Miss Cooter. More things that initially went over my head. AHHHH THE WAY SHE PUSHES HER BACK DOWN THROUGH THE LEGS. I SCREAMED. “And that is not the man I see lying in a heap below me.” Yesssss Alle-Faye! Yes AJ! Nick in the background with just a sweatshirt over his Snatch dress, I can’t. “Someone tell him where his dick is” “He’s out to find his dick” That is the most ridiculous number in the show, and somehow it’s the only one that doesn’t have dancing genitalia in it.

“Take a douche, cutie.” “You eat until you are as fat as you are ugly.” “That’ll take forever.” Awww noooooo. “I know there’s someone out there who still thinks you’re beautiful.” “...Mom?” “No, she doesn’t think that” Ahh my heart. “Yeah it’s me, the Old Snatch!” I love her. There are some awkward cuts in this scene that make me wonder if lines were cut, or if it’s just how they edited the two camera angles. I remember singing this song on the street once while explaining MAMD to a friend. It didn’t help explain it. I love Lily as the High Council Pussy. “Pussies from the West are bringing snacks.” Such a fun song.

Oh my god. I will not repeat what the caption just called the High Council Pussy. I will instead call her what the lyrics in the description said, the High Council Pussy. Oh my god. “Rabble rabble rabble” StarKid should bring that back. “I’s dos! The Old Snatch” “The Old Snatch?” “Yeah that’s right, the Old Snatch.” I love her. I can’t handle the caption putting her name for every single line. Oh my god. I’m gonna just call her the Grand Pussy. I cannot. Ok so the Old Snatch says her name out loud. I do not remember that. And that word definitely went over my head as a 14 year old. Oh my god. “Love! My esteemed colleagues. LOVE!... For a dick.” I’m dead. The flopping with the rabbles, I’m dead. “She’s wasting our pussy time” Bringing back that joke. The Old Snatch has Snatch Scouts? Can we hear more about them?? “Because if I’m wrong and a dick can love, what does that say about you?” OH NO. OH NOOO. NO DON’T HURT MY GIRL LIKE THIS. “A dick won’t set foot in there twice.” NO. NO OLD SNATCH YOU’RE PERFECT. “Elder Vag” Ok see, I much prefer that title. Ok the Old Snatch taking off her wig... made me want to make a joke... but I can’t remember the word I’m thinking of and I don’t feel like googling it. I figured out that the word was merkin. The caption said (Flopsy queefs) and I died. “I’s woulds” “The Old Snatch!” “That’s right. The Old Snatch.” Best running joke. Best character. “Hey you, Old Snatch.” “That’s me. The Old Snatch.” I die every time. I forgot that Flopsy’s real name is Myrtle. “We’s gots works to do.” I’m not gonna make the joke. The Flight of the Pussies. I cannot. Also yesss Alle-Faye’s vocalizations (I’m 95% sure it’s Alle-Faye singing the high part).

“He has a dick, it’s not his dick!” Oh Joey. “I got a picture of him, you wanna see it? I take pictures of him.” Oh my god Joey. “There’s a big singing, dancing dick in front of you Joey. I think anything’s possible.” I mean. He really has a point. Ah Corey’s so good. This whole song is SO good. Dick stiff-arming Weenie is amazing. “Get that sad bishop out of here.” Yessss Corey. Awww there’s a gentle instrumental reprise of Me and My Dick playing in the background as Joey tried to get Dick back. Oh I forgot they actually reprise the song!

TIE HIM TO A CACTUS!??!?!? I literally couldn’t remember if the bird comes back, it does. Aww the ba-dum-tss at the Heart pun. “That’s the only way we can work it out. And if we’re all in this together, you can bet on it that we’re breaking free.” ���Fabulous!” “Looks like the boys are back!” Will people understand how amazing that joke is in 20 years? Is this another doomed to be outdated joke? I remember when I did Kiss Me Kate in high school, someone had to outline all the 40s jokes so we’d know why they were funny, will someone one day make an outline of all the StarKid jokes from the 2010s to explain them? “Cause I’m just a little boy and you’re all walking pussies.” Amazing. “Today I’ve seen dicks and pussies, walking and talking and flying around.” “You Old Snatch.” “I am the Old Snatch” Love her. I never noticed Joey wiping his hands. “Guys follow me, I’ll take you back to our dimension.” Amazing. “And I want more than that, no. I deserve more.” Yes you do, you Old Snatch. I sort of need to know the backstory now of Big T’s old person and how they ended up being Tiffany’s first time. Tobias and Gladys?? I forgot their names. Ali flying back in with the tickets. Amazing. See I know the audience is laughing, and StarKid probably intended that last little Me and My Dick reprise to be funny between Big T and the Old Snatch, but it’s genuinely sweet. I’m really happy that the Old Snatch gets a happy ending.

”Miss Cooter did you just come in through the window?” “No you’re crazy, go back to sleep.” I don’t love Heaven on Earth as a song, but it’s still fun. Oh my god. I just screamed “JOE” out loud. Because all show I’ve been like “Don’t we see Rick’s dick at some point? Who plays Rick’s dick?” And just now I was doing a mental tally of the 12 13 cast members and I’m like “None of them can play Rick’s dick, they have their own roles to play in this finale. But I KNOW we saw that dick... who was it...” And then JoMo walked onstage. I really just screamed “JOE” out loud when I saw him. Oh my god. Once again the pearl necklace joke went over my head as a 14 year old. I love the audience reaction though, they finally all notice the necklaces at that moment if they didn’t notice them already. Ok I never understood the Palace of Auburn Hills joke. I assumed it was something going over my head when I was younger, but I just googled it and it’s actually just a Michigan joke. Also does JoMo come onstage and then immediately just go off? He’s gone. ”HYOOO!” so cute.

Aww and the Darren version of Ready to Go for the credits.

“And Joey Richter as himself” amazing.

Aww, Darren’s version of Even Though for the rest of the credits.

Ok so the Old Snatch is still the literal best character that StarKid has ever made. I love her so much and I love how Nick plays her. She is my favorite character in any StarKid show I think to this day.

CLARK WAS ON KEYBOARD?!?!?!?!?! WHAT?!?!?!?! CLARK!?!?!?!? YOU WERE HERE THIS EARLY?!?!?!?!?! oh my god. I legit just screamed “CLARK!?” seeing his name.

Also I think I always knew Darren was playing Guitar in the show, especially if he was there to do the cameo, but for some reason it didn’t really hit me until I saw his name just now. That’s so fun.

And Carlos! Yay! I wish Carlos had been able to do more stuff with StarKid.

Sorry, I’m still reeling from finding out that Clark has been in their bands for this long, for basically the entire time. I really thought he didn’t show up until around Starship. I am also ashamed that the fandom didn’t even truly know of his existence until SPACE Tour when he stole all our hearts in the Jim and Povolos section. And even then he wasn’t appreciated until Firebringer.

(Update a few weeks later: I found an old post of mine from 2012 where I acknowledge that Clark has been around since at least MAMD, so I guess at some point over the last decade I forgot that I already knew he’d been around this long.)

While rereading this post, it suddenly hit me that whenever people would ask what my StarKid dream role is, I’d always say Sally’s Heart. Honestly, it still is one I’d love to play.

I’m glad I rewatched it. It definitely is different now as an adult, especially an adult who’s older than all the StarKids were when they did the show. Some parts did not age well in the slightest, but it’s still very funny and the music is incredible thanks to AJ and Carlos (and Darren).