#i just really like the distinct shape he gives them

[loppiopio]

an imitation of the cheap variety

[evilmagician430]

tinky winky signature design for teletubbies out on the town, a doll line i made up in my head

"stock images" and more below the cut

[chvoswxtch]

promotion

pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

summary: you and frank have to deal with the aftermath of his decision.

warnings: swearing, lots of angst, a lil surprise at the end ;)

word count: 4.6k

a/n: I can't believe that this is the second to last chapter of this series. pls excuse me while I go cry. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

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The last time you stepped foot in a hospital had been when your mom passed. When you walked that familiar path to her room that day, you hadn’t known then it would be the last time. You knew her fate was inevitable, and that it was coming, but you thought you had more time with her. You thought you would at least get a chance to say goodbye, but that final moment of closure had been stolen from you, just like the time you were supposed to have with her. 

That had been one of the worst days of your life, and now you were anxiously awaiting to find out if you were about to have your second, because Frank had been in a coma for the past forty eight hours and you had no idea if you were out of time with him too.

“You alright?”

In the midst of your brain cycling through the worst possible outcomes like some kind of fucked up lottery, you hadn’t heard the rhythmic tapping of a cane against the cold sterile floor. Lifting your head to the sound of the familiar voice, you just stared up at Matt for a moment. The red tinted sunglasses hid his sightless eyes, but there was a fresh bruise blooming on his left cheekbone. Knowing the shape Frank was in, you wondered how many of Matt’s injuries were hidden beneath his clothes.

“You want my honest answer, or you want me to lie to you?”

A wry smile tugged at the edge of his mouth.

“I’d know if you did.”

A faint furrow formed between your brows at that admission, and then a soft snort of disbelief left you as you shook your head and rubbed your hands tiredly down your face.

“Is that your secret to being a really good lawyer? Being a human lie detector?”

Matt shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other, anxiously tightening his grip on his cane with both of his hands. His tongue darted out to wet his lips and he cocked his head slightly to the side.

“Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

After hesitating for a moment, Matt folded up his cane and took the empty seat next to you where you were waiting outside Frank’s hospital room. He leaned in a little closer, dropping the volume of his voice.

“How…how did you-”

“You have a very distinct voice, you know.”

Matt’s lips parted for a second as if to speak, and then he closed them a moment later. A dry chuckle suddenly sounded in his chest and his lips spread into an amused smile, causing faint dimples to appear within the dark grown out stubble covering his cheeks. 

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or concerned.”

“Why would you be concerned?”

“Because you know who I am now.”

Even though Matt wasn’t outright voicing his worry, you could hear it in the undertone of his voice. He must have been aware that you had written articles about the infamous Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, and now you knew the name of the man behind the horns. Letting out a deep exhale through your nose, you reached over and placed your hand on top of his, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Yeah, I do. You’re my lawyer. You helped put my ex in prison for life after he almost got me killed. And, you’re also my friend, who just happens to have a…interesting choice in night time hobbies.”

Matt arched one of his dark brows, a hint of humor in his smooth voice.

“I don’t know if I’d call it a hobby. Hobbies are usually fun.”

“Matt, you helped save my life, and his.”

Matt was quiet for a moment before he turned his hand beneath yours, palm side up, and curled his fingers around the back of your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze when he spoke.

“Thank you.”

“Thank you.”

 A soft smirk gently graced the edge of lips as he nudged your shoulder with his own.

“You know, I’ve never had to work so hard to save two people in my life. Most people aren’t so stubborn and have at least some sense of self-preservation.”

“Okay, surely I wasn’t as bad as him-”

“Pretty close.”

Pressing your lips together, you rolled your eyes which earned a laugh from Matt, and he gave your hand another faint squeeze. After a comfortable silence fell over the two of you, he turned his head in your direction.

“You’re not gonna ask?”

“Ask what?”

Matt shifted in the chair and turned his body towards you, tilting his head to the side slightly when he heard the evident confusion in your voice.

“About me.”

Arching one of your brows in silent questioning, you looked at Matt curiously, and his own confusion was written clearly all over his face.

“I mean, everyone that’s found out has a lot of questions. You know, how does a blind man-”

“Matt, aliens came out of the sky and nearly destroyed New York. A giant purple asshole wiped out half the universe with a snap of his shiny rhinestoned glove, and then all those people magically came back five years later. Luke Cage has bulletproof skin. Jessica Jones is super strong. Thor is a literal norse god, Bruce Banner turns into a really big green guy, and according to Homeland Security, my boyfriend is a former homicidal maniac that is technically dead. No offense, but you being Daredevil is kind of low on my list of weird shit I have questions about.”

Matt was silent for a solid minute before a burst of laughter bubbled up and erupted from his chest. His lips spread into a wide tooth bearing grin, both of his dimples now deeply indented into his cheeks.

“Well, when you put it like that.”

Letting out a soft laugh of your own, you shook your head faintly. Matt opened his mouth to say something and then abruptly paused, turning his head towards the wall behind the both of you, his dark brows knit together. Your eyes flickered between the wall and the look of concentration on Matt’s face.

“What is it?”

“He’s awake.”

Matt barely finished his sentence before you let go of his hand and shot up out of your chair, rushing over to push open the door of Frank’s hospital room and step inside. Your heart was pounding in your ears and your hands were trembling watching Frank slowly regain consciousness, a soft pinch forming between his dark brows as he inhaled deeply through his large broken nose.

When his eyes finally fluttered open, you were already at his side. He blinked slowly a few times, faintly squinting as his eyes adjusted to the artificial light after being unconscious for two days. He glanced around the room in a state of hazy disorientation, but when his eyes eventually met yours, that blurry perplexity swiftly sharpened into clarity. For a minute, the two of you just silently stared at one another.

It was hard to see Frank like this, lying in a hospital bed, battered and broken. There were even more cuts and bruises he’d sustained after leaving you in that hallway. But even with the deep blooms of fresh bruises and the dark angry wounds that had begun to clot and heal on his face, he still looked every bit like the man you had fallen in love with.

Frank’s face was just as blank as it had been for the past two days while he was out. For a second you were worried that he had sustained some kind of head trauma the doctors had missed and that he was currently suffering from some form of amnesia, but you could see recognition in his eyes when he looked at you. He just wasn’t talking. You didn’t know if he was waiting for you to speak first or if he just didn’t know what to say after the way he’d left you, but you didn’t waste another second before firing off.

“Dinah told me about the deal you made with her. Were you ever gonna tell me?”

You didn’t bother trying to hide the anger on your face, or disguise it in your voice. For the past two days all you had been able to think about was the fact that Frank had told you he loved you and then left you behind, seemingly without intending to make it out of that situation with Billy alive. He had told you goodbye in that moment, and you had been too overwhelmed to realize it.

But when the shock faded, you were furious. 

The expression on Frank’s face was still unreadable, and the longer he went without speaking, the angrier you got. He stared at you for a moment before his gruff voice broke the tense silence.

“Yeah.”

“They found Schoonover and Rawlins both dead. Was that you?”

“Yeah.”

There wasn’t even a hint of remorse in his voice when he confirmed that he’d murdered two of his former superiors. It was firm and unwavering. Frank didn’t attempt to lie to you or defend his actions. He was completely unapologetic about it, just like he had been when he’d killed Cavella and Walker. Forty-eight hours ago, he’d wiped out Billy’s entire team like they were nothing, and there was no trace of guilt over it in his eyes.

You were still trying to reconcile the two versions of Frank in your head; the one you knew, and the one currently in front of you. The image of him in that bulletproof vest with the bloodied skull on his chest was seared into your memory.

“Why didn’t you kill Billy?”

Frank could hear the faintest of a waver in your voice, a break of raw emotion in your audible frustration and confusion. He turned his head to stare out the window on his left, though he didn’t appear to actually be looking at anything. There was a far away look in his eyes, but his face was as hard and cold as his rough voice.

“Dyin’s easy. He has to live with what he’s done.”

Letting out a dry scoff, you look a step closer towards Frank’s bed as your brows furrowed in disbelief.

“You think he’ll feel an ounce of remorse now?”

“I don't give a shit if he feels bad.”

Frank turned his head to look at you, displaying that familiar broody expression that you currently wanted to smack off of his face. He was looking at you like you’d just asked the most ridiculous question in the world.

“Every day he’s gonna look at that ugly, mangled face, and he’s gonna remember what he did. He’s gonna remember me. He's gonna spend the rest of his life rottin’ in a goddamn cell, knowin’ I put him there. Knowin’ that he had everything, and now he’s got nothin’-that he is nothin’. For him, that’s worse than dyin’.”

Revenge didn’t dull the sharp edge of Frank’s hatred for Billy, and it didn’t ease the grievance of his loss. If anything, it just seemed to rip open that wound even wider that had never really healed in the first place since that tragic day in Central Park. Getting vengeance on the three people who were the sole facilitators of his family’s murder didn’t bring Frank peace any more than wiping out all those men years ago did. Billy’s betrayal had twisted that knife further, cut Frank deeper, and you were afraid that it would never have a chance of healing now.

“Frank-”

“You uh…you should go.”

Those words were like a bucket of ice water being dumped onto your head, sobering your heartache and frustration. Frank wasn’t looking at you, and you couldn’t look at anything other than him. 

“What?”

The shock and disbelief rang clear in your breathless whisper, sounding as if the very wind had been knocked right out of your lungs, and it cut Frank to his core. He couldn’t look at you. He couldn’t see the hurt and perplexity on your face. He kept his gaze averted towards the window, a muscle feathering in his clenched bruised jaw.

“That deal I made with Madani, it’s over. She ain’t a miracle worker. She got me a second shot, she can’t get me a third one. And I don’t want it.”

“Frank-”

“You gotta walk away, Y/N. You gotta walk away, alright. You can’t…I’m not…you’re better off, alright. You’re just…you’re better off.”

“Don’t say that-”

“I am not the man you think I am, alright? I’m not. I…I’m just…”

Frank closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, and his large hands gripped the blanket so tightly that the bruises and cuts on his knuckles paled and went stark white. He muttered incoherently under his breath, letting out a shaky exhale, and when he opened his eyes they were blurry with loss and pain.

“I was done. I was…I was, I told Maria. I’d just gotten home the night before, and I woke up the next mornin’ and I was just…it hit me, ya’know? It was just time, ya’know? I wanted…I was done, I wanted to be with them. It’s where I shoulda been the whole time, ya’know? It just…I saw her face, and it hit me, and I just knew. I wasn’t goin’ back. And the kids, ya’know, I was…I was gonna tell ‘em that day. Tell ‘em that daddy wasn’t leavin’ anymore, that he was…he was stayin’.”

Frank’s tear filled eyes were darting back and forth as he stared off towards the window, his bruised and beaten face contorted in grief and guilt. The raw agony cracking in his quiet voice and the sound of him struggling to suck in a breath had you reaching out to grip onto his hand as heartbroken tears slipped down your own face. Seeing the tears slip down his face when Billy confessed to being involved in his family’s murder had gutted you, but seeing Frank cry like this…you could physically feel it breaking your heart.

“That day we went to the park, ya’know the kids, they were too old for that stupid carousel, but they just laughed and laughed and…ya’know they were smilin’ and so happy. And I was…I was too, ya’know. I was home, I was…I was with them, and I was stayin’, but I…I didn’t get to tell ‘em. And it’s my fault they’re gone. It was…it was my bullshit. I got them killed, and I nearly got you killed and I can’t…I can’t do that again, Y/N, I can’t.”

Out of all the things you were expecting Frank to say when he finally woke up, this wasn’t it. This was not how you’d imagined this conversation going. Your heart ached seeing Frank so distraught and hearing the pure anguish in his voice. You couldn’t even begin to imagine the weight of his trauma or the sting of that suffering, and you knew why he was afraid, but this couldn’t be it. It just couldn’t. Not after everything you had been through together.

When he started to push you away for a second time, something within you snapped, and it set your bloodstream ablaze.

“No.”

“Y/N-”

“No.”

Frank snapped his head up in your direction when you yelled at him. You’d lost your temper with him before, but not like this. The sheer force behind your voice and the fire burning in your eyes caught him off guard. 

“You don’t get to do that.”

Hearing the accusation in your tone, the melancholy lingering along his bottom lash line faded and his face shifted into an expression of crestfallen puzzlement. 

“You don’t get to tell me that you love me and then push me away.”

Frank’s dark brows knit together suddenly, frustration creasing along his forehead as he looked up at you and spoke in a defensive tone.

“Hey, I do love you. That’s why I’m pushin’ you away, don’t you get that? I’m not draggin’ you down with me-”

“Oh so I don't get a say in this anymore? That’s it? You’re just giving up?”

“I’m doin’ what’s best for you-”

“That’s bullshit!”

Frank watched as you let out a dry and incredulous short laugh void of any humor. His brown eyes tracked you as you walked towards the end of his hospital bed, furiously pacing and stressfully running your hands through your hair. He let out a deep exhale through his large broken nose and shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment as his face twisted up in anguish. 

“Oh c’mon Y/N. Look I know you, alright? I know that you’re brave and you’re smart and you’re strong, but you are so goddamn stubborn and I cannot let you throw everything away for me.”

“So it's okay for you to risk everything, but not me?”

Frank’s features were contorted in exasperation tinged with frustration when he finally looked at you, and your own features were a convoluted tangle of irritation, despair, and treachery.

“C’mon, don’t do that, alright? It is not the same thing-”

“You’re not even gonna try-”

“You know what I am now, alright? You know what I did.”

The hardened edge to Frank’s rough voice caused any rebuttal to lodge in your throat. He was making you face it. That complicated truth you’d been wrestling with and trying to hide from, he was shining a light right on it and shoving it right in your face without mercy.

“I did it. I murdered all those people. That’s my life, that’s my world, and that’s what I do. You really wanna be a part of that?”

The familiar sting of saltwater started to burn in your weary eyes. Frank’s aggressive demeanor visibly softened seeing the glossy evidence of how he’d upset you. He was being a relentless asshole, and he knew it, but he thought it was for the best. The further away you were from him, the safer you were. 

When you turned away from him, it tore through the remaining thin strings keeping Frank’s heart together. A faint sheen glimmered in his own eyes as he looked at the back of your head, and a devastating silence fell over the room. This time when he spoke, his voice came out quieter and much more gentle as he tried to reason with you.

“C’mon sweetheart, you…you know who I am-”

“I know you’re the man that’s saved my life more times than I can count.”

Turning back around, you looked at Frank with a heavy wave of tears threatening to spill over your lash line at any moment.

“And you’re the only person that I've ever been able to depend on, besides myself.”

There was a pleading look in Frank’s warm glossy brown eyes when he whispered your name, but you couldn’t stop.

“I know you’re the only person that’s ever taken the time to truly understand me. You listen to me. You support me and encourage me. You actually read my work. You put up with my shitty mood swings. You’re patient with me, even when I don’t deserve it. You remember things that I tell you. You make me laugh as much as you make me wanna rip my hair out. You frustrate me more than any person I have ever met in my entire life, and you push buttons that I didn't even know I had, but I have never felt happier than I do when I’m with you.”

Letting a few stray tears fall, you walked slowly around the edge of Frank’s bed, coming to stand by his side as you looked down into his warm brown eyes. 

“I told you months ago, I’m safer with you. I meant it then, and I still mean it now. Okay everything…everything that’s happened…who you were…it doesn’t matter, okay? It doesn’t change anything, not for me. It doesn’t change how I see you or how I feel about you. Okay, it doesn’t change the fact that I-”

Your breath caught in your throat as the words that had been buried in your chest clawed their way to the surface. You had known since that day at the cabin. Deep down, a part of you had always known. In the midst of waiting for the perfect moment to finally say those words, and hiding from them in fear of saying them out loud, you almost didn’t get the chance to. For the last forty-eight hours, you’d been haunted by your own mistake. 

You knew better. You knew time was too precious. You never got to tell your mom you loved her one last time, and you’d been so paralyzed by your own apprehension, you almost never got to tell Frank at all. You swore to yourself that if he woke up, if you got the chance, you weren’t going to waste it. 

“-that I love you.”

Sometimes when Frank looked at you, it felt like he could see right into your soul, and at this very moment you wanted that to be true, because you desperately wanted him to know that’s where these words were coming from. You wanted him to feel it. 

Frank swallowed thickly when he heard the crack in your voice, the irrevocable emotion in it,  saying those words he didn’t think he deserved to hear. For a moment he was speechless, and all he could do was stare into your teary gaze. 

Finally speaking the words that had been lingering in your heart for so long felt like a weight being lifted off your chest. You had been terrified that you would never get to say it back, that Frank would never know just how much you loved him. Now, you weren’t going to let him forget it. You weren’t going to let him push you away because of how he felt about himself. You weren’t going to let his past, or anything else, come between you. Not after all this time and everything the two of you had gone through just to get here.

When he opened his mouth to speak, you shook your head and cut him off.

“No. I don’t want to hear any more of this shit about walking away, because that’s not fucking happening. We’re gonna figure this out, and we’re gonna do it together. Do you understand me?”

Frank’s face fell slightly as he looked up at you, giving a subtle shake of his head with an apologetic look shining in his soft brown eyes.

“Sweetheart…there ain’t no warm, cozy ending. Not for me. Alright, when it gets out-”

“Do you really think Homeland Security is going to let it leak that they were involved in a cover up for the Punisher?”

Frank lightly clenched his jaw as he looked up at you, his eyes flickering over your face. That name had never bothered him when the media gave it to him, or when anyone else referred to him by it, but hearing it from you made his stomach twist with shame.

“Dinah doesn’t need to perform any miracles because not a single fucking person in that department is going to hang themselves out to dry like that. Homeland already has their story about what happened, and none of Billy's men are alive to contest it.”

“There’s Bill.”

“You cracked his head like a goddamn egg and his jaw is wired shut. Even when he heals, with they evidence they found on him, no one is going to listen to a fucking thing that comes out of his mouth. And Dinah is making it her personal mission from God to convict him with as many life sentences as New York will legally allow. So what’s your next excuse?”

Frank arched one of his dark brows at your snappy tone, noticing that the sadness that had previously been lingering on your face completely transitioned into a familiar expression of firm stubbornness he was used to seeing in you. His eyes dropped down to take in the way you’d placed your hands on your hips, a stance of yours he’d come to associate with defiance and rebellion. Flickering his gaze up to meet your challenging stare, amusement faintly crinkled around his eyes. 

“Guess you got it all figured out, huh?”

“You were unconscious for two days.”

Frank let out of a puff of air past his lips at your deadpan response. Glancing away for a moment, he slowly shook his head before looking back up at you, his warm brown eyes roving over your figure. Cocking his head to the side, his tongue darted out to wet his lips as the ghost of a smirk tugged at the edge of his mouth.

“Ya’know, you’re kinda scary when you’re all pissed off. Sexy, but scary as hell. Anybody ever tell ya that?”

“If you think I'm scary, you should see my boyfriend.”

Frank straightened up a little as he looked at you, his warm brown eyes searching your gaze deeply. After a moment, he dropped his head to look down at the gray thin blanket covering his lower half, brushing his thumb over the clear plastic tube connected to the I.V. in his arm.

“You’re still lettin’ me keep that title, huh?”

Frank’s voice was quiet when he spoke, almost hesitant. Crossing your arms over your chest, you turned your head for a moment as you looked around the hospital room, dragging your teeth along your bottom lip before looking back down at him with a faint shrug of your shoulders.

“I can always demote you back to bodyguard, but I'm not paying you.”

Frank let out a deep chuckle, faint crinkles appearing around his eyes as he gave a subtle shake of his head.

“Nah, I don't want that.”

Lifting his head to look up at you again, his warm brown eyes flickered over your face. He slowly reached out to grab your arm and gave it a gentle tug, prompting you to uncross your arms. His warm calloused hand gradually caressed your arm from your elbow down to your wrist, taking your hand to hold gently, but tightly, like he needed your touch to ground himself in this moment, and to anchor himself to the idea that you still wanted him.

He couldn’t wrap his head around it, and you could see a flicker of hesitation in his concentrated gaze as he stared down at your hand, brushing his thumb along the back of it. Letting out a soft exhale through your nose, you gave his hand a faint squeeze of reassurance, and you opened your mouth to speak, but abruptly paused when you saw Frank slip his free hand down beneath the collar of his hospital gown. His hand was in a loose fist when he pulled it back out, slipping the chain from around his neck and over his head. When he opened his palm, he stared down at the gold wedding band silently.

A soft crease of confusion nestled between your brows when he let go of your hand, but before you could say anything, he reached for your left hand and pulled it towards his chest. A sharp gasp caught in your throat when Frank slowly slipped the golden band onto your ring finger, brushing his thumb over it gently. It was entirely too large for your finger, but Frank grasped your hand in his gently so the ring wouldn’t slip off. 

Lifting his head to meet your stunned expression, there was a softness in his warm brown eyes and a nervous smile on his lips as he lightly squeezed your hand. He guided your palm to rest on his chest over his heart and covered it with his other hand.

“Think I’d like a promotion better.”

tags: @thyme-in-a-bubble @day-dreaming-goddess @messymissy @itwasthereaminuteago @strawberry1042 @queenofthenoobs @wanda2themax @xcastawayherosx @avengerstower-houseplant @stevenknightmarc @ponyosmom35 @babygal-babygal @wellwwhynot @oldermenaremyreligion @combustiblemeow @tired-night-owl @fairykiss32 @danzer8705 @calkissed @fxckahs-blog @lemon-world1 @polskiperson @imperihoe @v4leoftears @harperdoodle @spideyvibez @joalslibrary @cherry-berry-ollie @sorrowfulfragmentation @kdogreads @sumo-b98 @blackhawksfanatic @gloryekaterina @whistle1whistle @starbritestarlite @callmebrooklynbabes @hallway5 @scarletfvckingwitch @bifuriouslatina @soupyspence @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @wonwoosthetic @linguist-breakaribecca @nerdytreeflower @mrs-bellingham @smhnxdiii @s3riou2 @slavic-empress

[reddpenn]

Now that I'm back from the gem and mineral show, here are all the Cool Rocks I came home with!

A cute little coral fossil! He looks like a cauliflower.

A Keokuk geode! These geode beds aren't far from where I live, and it's always fun to have local specimens.

Phosphosiderite! This purple stone comes from Chile. It's so soft that it has to be stabilized with resin before it's cut. This one is a cross section of a botryoidial formation!

Speaking of botryoidial, this Hematite! Botryoidial means it has a bubbly shape kind of like a bunch of grapes. The faces of the bubbles on this pieces are super shiny and metallic.

Dendritic chalcedony, from Turkey! It's a white chalcedony full of dendrites - branching formations of manganese that look kind of like trees!

A cabochon for my cab collection! This one is made from a material sometimes called "ajooba jasper." The pattern is actually a cross section of a bunch of colorfully jasperized bivalve fossils!

Speaking of jasper, this one is Blue Mountain jasper, from Oregon! The circles in this stone are what’s known as an “egg pattern,” and jaspers which have them (Blue Mountain, Imperial jasper, and a few others) are collectively known as “fine jaspers,” the most valuable jaspers in the world.

Hyalite opal! This stuff forms water-clear spheres that look like jelly.

It fluoresces bright green under UV light!

Now to show off this year's haul of awesome agates!

Dryhead agate, from the Bighorn Mountains in Montana! This agate is named after the many bison skulls found in the area. A weird shaped guy with awesome red and orange bands.

Bou Lili agate, from Morocco! I like the name of this one. Soft banding and very subtle, muted colors. I've heard that this locale can produce peachy colors too.

Bear Canyon agate, from the Pryor Mountains in Montana! Agates from this locale have very stark black and white banding.

Red Fox agate, from Argentina! Sometimes this material is also called "crater agate" because the area it comes from is near the crater of an ancient volcano.

A Blue Sky thunderegg, from New Mexico! Thundereggs from this locale often have this two pointed, saucer-like shape.

It fluoresces really brightly!

Dulcote agate, from England! The bands of this agate are full of calcite, which gives them a strange, distinct texture.

Malawi agate, from Malawi! See all the cracks in it? Almost all Malawi agates have them. Frequent earthquakes due to the East African Rift cause these agates to crack and fracture.

Paint Rock agate, from Paint Rock Valley in Alabama! This agate is very rarely banded, and usually just contains swirls of red and yellow color.

A big, unpolished slab of Montana agate! This agate is known for its clear banding and black lines and spots, which are caused by manganese dendrites.

It's best viewed with some light behind it!

A smaller piece with really amazing dendrites!

Here it is backlit!

Fighting Blood agate, from Hebei Provence in China! This locale is known for its super saturated reds and yellows. This piece has purple amethyst crystals growing inside! They didn't photograph well; they are much more purple in person.

A really weird Fighting Blood agate! This one lacks the bright colors typical of this locale, but makes up for it with that super cool spiderweb pattern!

And finally, as is tradition, I came home with some Ethiopian opals! Here are the five I got this year.

And that's everything I got at the show!

[bigification]

Star Of The Show

"Is that really safe?" A snobbish man in an expensive suit snarled.

"Yes Mr. Derry, how many times do I have to tell you. It'll make you into a prime bodybuilder just like you asked." The technician sighed.

"It better be, because I am an important stake holder in this bodybuilding competition and I paid a lot for this." Mr. Derry continued to whine, despite receiving exactly what he asked for.

"Here I brought your coffee, sir." Mr. Derry's assistant sheepishly held out a Starbucks coffee. He grumbled as he read the long list of modifications he needed in his coffee to drink it.

"This has coconut milk you idiot!" He shoved the coffee back into his assistant, sending the scrawny man stumbling back. In an attempt to regain his balance he flailed his arm into the large machine that sat nearby.

"I... I'm sorry sir." The assistant panicked. "I can fix it." He reached for the machine in an attempt to minimize the blowback from his boss. He tried to move the machine back to its original position.

"Wait no! Don't tou-" the technician was interrupted.

A blinding light erupted across the back stage as a concentrated beam shot into the assistants chest. He looked like a ragdoll being tossed across the room, slamming into the wall. No one even noticed what had happened while they tried to recover from the flash.

The assistant slowly got up, his head was spinning. He assumed it was from the crash into the wall, but it only got worse after he got up. A burning heat boiled inside his chest as he attempted to recover. The burning soon turned to a tightness as his chest began to grow. His flat chest started to rise like a loaf of bread in the oven. His preppy button up strained under the pressure of his thickening pecs until the buttons started to pop off. His shirt burst open, revealing the perfectly formed pecs of a bodybuilder that created a shelf over his stomach. Speaking of which, his stomach began to melt away. His now flat stomach quickly rose back up, but with hard muscles this time. His stomach started to round out into a small muscle gut as six distinct muscles formed over it, causing the rest of his buttons to pop off in the process.

The technician and Mr. Derry were starting to recover from the flash, hearing increasingly loud footsteps rumbled from across the room and ever deeper sounding grunts and moans came from the assistant.

The assistant lurched over as his shoulder broadened, finally ripping his shirt to shreds. His upper back exploded with rippling muscles that would make any man jealous. And his lower back slimmed to give his body a strong V shape. Moments later he started to flex his arms, making them balloon with every flex. His biceps grew to the size of melons as veins surfaced all down his arms. And his hands thickened into massive man hands, twice the size of his old delicate hands.

Mr. Derry let out a loud scoff as he watched the assistant transform into the man he wanted to be. And the technician just smiled at Me. Derry's dismay. Meanwhile the assistant started to let out deep guttural moans pleasure as his body grew, and animalistic grunts every time he flexed his growing body.

Next, the man's lower body started to grow, making him nearly a foot taller than he was before, towering over everyone in the building. His thighs thickened to over twice the size of his massive biceps, making him have the man spread to make room for all the muscle. Unsurprisingly it didn't take long for his pants to rip to shreds, leaving him in his comically small underwear. Though that wouldn't last long either. His flat ass got flooded with both fat and muscle, making it large and plump and creating a shelf over his thighs. His fat ass strained against the shockingly strong fabric of the underwear before overpowering them, bouncing as his cheeks tore right through them. His calves also grew quite thick and defined as his feet burst out of his shoes, becoming a monstrous size 20. Though the only downside is his impressive package shrunk from a massive 8 inches to an unremarkable 4 inches, looking small in comparison to his hulking body.

Finally the man's head began to change to match his body. His barely visible jawline looked like it got vacuum sealed around his jaw, becoming sharp as a knife. His brow bone became more prominent, adding to his manly appearance as a well kept beard spreads across his face. And his long flowy hair recedes into a military buzz cut.

By the time the transformation slowed, his skin had a bronze tanned color with a slick sheen of oil over it. Almost as if he was getting ready to compete.

"You fucking idiot. Look at the mess you've made. You need to clean this up ASAP, and you better hope that machine has some juice left for me or so help me god I will bury you six feet under Edward!" Mr. Derry blew up with rage, it almost looked like there was smoke coming from his ears.

The assistant stood up tall with his head up and his chest puffed out. Slowly taking steps towards his boss, making the ground shake with each step. As he got close, his brows furrowed and his grunt became deeper and louder. He bent down and yanked his boss by the collar, lifting the shorter man a foot off the ground to meet eye to eye.

"You think I need a fucking pipsqueak like you! You're nothing but a bug to step on. And my name is Evan, asshole! Remember it!" Evans voice booked across the room as he chuckled his former boss into the machine, breaking it in the process.

He stomped across the room and grabbed a black pair of underwear from the rack. Then he proceeded to waltz on stage, stealing the hearts of the audience.

Evan was the star of the show, winning an easy first place. Photoshoots, magazine covers, and sponsors were all he saw in his future. And he never saw his loser of a boss again.

[thesunisatangerine]

playing for keeps – chapter four

alexia putellas x barçakeeper!childhoodfriend!reader

warning/s: coarse language; mentions of: grief, death, drowning; not proofread

(a/n in the tags) [chapters: one, two, three, four]

word count: 13.1k

[1]

‘Can you meet me at the playground?’ was Guille’s message the night after your graduation, casting a blue streak over a relatively warm summer night. The short hand of the clock hovered over eleven when you got it, and you had half a mind to ignore it–because how dared he do this now?–but you sent him a reply before heading out of the door.

The playground was less than ten minutes away but you took the corner; the one that led around the block. He could wait, you thought. After all, you’d been giving him just that: the luxury of time. But he never did anything with it did he, so why would you rush? And what could he possibly want now after months of ignoring you? Was this a final goodbye? After everything you’d been through together, was this really how it’s going to end? 

You sniffled and ran the back of your hand over your eyes as you walked the last few yards to the park.

Tap tap tap.

The distinct sound of football-to-shoe brought you back. Ahead under the yellow glow of the lone streetlamp that lit the playground, with his back turned to you, was Guille juggling a football. A breeze brushed your cheek and it carried the familiar sweetness of Guille’s body spray. You remembered when he started using it—it was around the time you’d complained to him about how you found the scent of guy’s deodorants repugnant, and that you could only stand the new scent that he bought. And after that, it was all he’d ever used. You couldn’t help but wonder if that was around the time he started liking you, and the thought made you recoil. 

The ball reached another high, this time going over Guille’s head, making him turn, but it never connected to a touch. Instead, it landed on the ground. Its momentum carried it to a stop just a few paces away from you but you made no move to kick it back. You dragged your eyes away from the ball and found his finally.

For a moment, it was as if the world stood still. You soaked in the state of him: there was a heaviness that swelled in the skin beneath his eyes which were devoid of their usual light; his arms sagged heavily by his sides, contorting the contours of his silhouette to a shape that displaced the confidence you’d seen him wear so easily growing up. Even in the low light, the jagged cut that interrupted the line of his left brow remained prominent, but it was gone from view when dark curls fell to cover it after Guille ran his fingers through his hair.

He cleared his throat before he spoke, yet his voice still broke over his words. 

“Hey. Uh–thank you for coming,” he smiled a little. “Can we talk?”

You eyed him carefully, letting a moment of silence settle in the air as you crossed your arms. Only after you noted a slight movement in Guille’s throat did you skim the sole of your foot over the ball, sending it his way. When you met his eyes again, something akin to relief shone in them––or maybe it was gratitude?––before he kicked the ball towards you again. That went on for a while; back and forth the ball went during which no one said a word. From the way Guille kept clenching and unclenching his hands, you doubted he knew what he even wanted to say, least of all how to say it.

Still, you waited. 

Another moment, he stopped the ball, wiped his hands on the sides of his shirt before stuffing them in his short pockets, his posture awkward and stiff. He opened his mouth and in the breath before he spoke his first word, your heart dropped to your stomach and you braced yourself.

This was it.

“I–I want to apologize!”

You blinked. That… was unexpected.

“I know it’s probably too late, but I don’t think I can live without saying it, you know?” He shrugged as he smiled, but it was too crooked, and his eyes shone. 

“I’m really sorry. For what I did, and what I said. Those hurt you… I hurt you.”

He released a shaky breath, bit his lower lip as he swiped a thumb at the corner of his eye.

“I’m not expecting to be forgiven and I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore. I just–I’m sorry. And I want you to know that I had the best time with you.” 

His lips curled up to a smile but the quiver of his chin broke the curve and his tears spilled. 

He looked so young then, so much like a lost little boy who looked nothing like the boy you met when you were eight: newly-transferred Guille who became the smallest out of all the boys in your class yet, with his quiet confidence, he towered over them with his head held high. You remembered him as he was then when he first introduced himself to you, his cheeks rosy from playing too much under the sun and just a little out of breath when he asked you to be in his team during recess. He did it too without any snide remarks, something you’d gotten used to from playing with the other boys in class. He never brought your being a girl up even when your team lost, and it was the first time you were treated as an equal on the field at school. 

And he just stuck with you, and you with him; all the shared lunches, the laughter, the late night banters… there was no way you could let this friendship go. 

This was so stupid. 

“This is stupid,” you choked as you hastily wiped a tear away but it was quickly followed by another. “Come here, you idiot!” 

You surged forward and wrapped your arms around him, the force of it nearly knocking the both of you over. It took him a second but when the weight of his arms settled on you––when his comforting warmth finally seeped in––you were hit by just how much you’d missed him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” were the strained words spoken against your ear as he hugged you tighter. 

“You’re an idiot,” you mumbled on his shoulder. “It’s going to take some time but we’ll be alright, I forgive you. And I want us to remain friends, under two conditions if you’re up for it.” 

He pulled away slightly to wipe his cheeks, and gave you a small smile. He was a bit breathless when he said, “Anything.” 

There was a light lilt in his tone and you understood he meant it, so you nodded, returning his smile. He followed you when you went to sit on one of the benches, situating himself so there was enough space between you for one person.

Looking him in the eye, you started, “I know it’s a lot to ask but if you have any plans to wait for me, I want you to forget about it. I love you and I care for you, but I need you to understand that a brother and a friend is all I will find in you.” 

His eyes strayed downwards and they clouded over. He closed them with a sigh and when they opened, he looked at you and you found a lightness in them that comforted you; his face bore a friendly warmth that you haven’t seen in a while.

“I understand, and you don’t have to apologise.” 

He scooted closer so he could bump his knee against yours, now grinning. His playfulness made you smile.

“And one more thing,” you added after a moment, and he nodded for you to continue. “You… you have to make amends with Alexia.” 

The grin fled from his face and you didn’t miss the way he flinched. His knuckles whitened and tension brewed in his muscles. And when his eyes darkened, you couldn’t help but frown at the change in his demeanor. You reached out to touch his shoulder.

“Guille––”

Then, like a spring, all the air of rigidness left him. He threw his head back and released a laugh that caught you off guard. When he regarded you again, the curve of his lips remained.

Then he said in a tone filled with mirth, “You know, if she hadn’t knocked some sense into me that night, I’d probably still be wallowing in self-pity like an entitled prick.”

At the reminder, your eyes wandered to the scar on his left brow but they lingered only for a second.

“And yes, done. She hates my guts,” you opened your mouth to protest otherwise but when Guille gave you a pointed look, you closed it immediately, “but I will patch things up with her. Besides, I need to thank her for straightening me out.”

You gaped at him.

“It’s that easy?”

He shrugged, still smiling.

“I mean, yeah? It’s either those or losing you, and I know I value you more than I do my pride and ego.”

There it was again, his quiet confidence. It diminished though when he brushed a finger over the bridge of his nose, eyes darting down to his feet briefly before meeting yours again. And when he spoke, there was more than a little uncertainty that bled into his tone, and maybe a little bit of hope. 

“Besides, we’re friends. Right?”

You scrunched your nose at him in answer as you grinned.

“Damn right,” you confirmed. Then you punched his shoulder for good measure. His jaw dropped open in an offended gasp. He sat there wide-eyed for a moment before he locked an arm around your neck, his free hand mussing up your hair in an instant, and you could only shriek and chortle at the action. 

In that moment, you felt as if a weight had finally been lifted off your shoulders. And there was no better way to truly feel the lightness of being than having somebody to laugh with. Then a comfortable pause washed over you both as you caught your breaths. In the silence that settled, you leaned back on your hands and kicked your feet up idly in the air. 

It was Guille who spoke first. 

“You don’t have to answer, but do you like someone?”

Your feet stilled. And then, without bidding, a series of images flashed through your mind of brown hair, freckles, hazel… Warmth coiled and gathered in your chest as if the ghost of a hand hovered over it. 

“It’s her, isn’t it?”

A distinct pop went off somewhere in your neck from the speed by which you gaped at him. Guille’s eyes remained trained ahead and his face was relaxed, void of any judgement… Surely, he didn’t say what you thought he said, right? 

You swallowed, throat dry, and choked, “What did you say?”

“Alexia.” He turned to you then, and smiled; small but not unkindly. “She’s the one, isn’t she?”

Blood thundered in your ears, and your heartbeat tripled. 

“No! I–That’s ridic–”

Warmth over your hand; Guille had taken yours into his, and the ice in your skin thawed instantly. Only when Guille tightened his grip to still your hand did you know just how badly you were shaking. 

“Hey, look at me. It’s okay. I won’t tell anyone, I swear,” his voice was soothing and he squeezed your hand for good measure. “I think, deep down, I’ve always known. Maybe that’s why I treated everything as a competition because I felt threatened by her. And I never understood why you always gravitated towards her like she’s your own Earth. But now I know. If… If I ever made it difficult to come to terms with your feelings for her, I’m sorry.” 

His words and their sincerity brought a calm with them, stopping the surge of panic in your veins. And, like a tide, it receded. Finally finding your voice again, you spoke. 

“You–you’re not angry?”

His brows rose.

“Why would I be?”

Then he gave you another smile. You understood it was meant to reassure you but you couldn’t help but notice that the corners of his lips were somewhat weighed down with sadness. Still, judgement made no home in his eyes. 

“I won’t tell anyone. I promise. And if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

A brief pause as his eyes wandered. 

“I–Maybe not for a while. It’s not that I want to, but I think some distance will do me some good. I want to respect your boundaries, and for me to do that, I need to get my feelings sorted out. I’m… I’ve made up my mind anyway. I’m leaving the city.” 

“What?” You choked. “When? Where are you going?”

Then a spark of anger went off. You jabbed at his shoulder. Guille yelped suddenly, his eyes became wide with surprise. 

“You jerk! Is that the reason why you’re finally saying sorry?!” 

“I–No, of course not! I mean, yeah, but no!” He gestured in the air. “What I’m trying to say is… I’m here because I want to make amends, not because I feel like I had to. Besides, I won’t be leaving for another two months.” 

Oh.

“Oh.” Your cheeks felt warm. 

“Yeah, ‘oh’.” He repeated with a sarcastic note but a playful spark lit up his eyes. 

You apologised sheepishly. Then, “Where are you headed? And what are you going to do?”

Guille shrugged, leaning back against his arms as he looked up at the night sky.

“I don’t know yet. I was thinking of travelling for a bit, maybe go around Europe first? Do you remember how Aunt Aloma lives in London? Yeah, she told me I could stay with her if I ever planned to go there for university.”

When he mentioned London, a lead sank into your gut. Logically, you knew it wasn’t too far away; the three-hour long flight would be a small price to pay to see Guille again. The fact that he wouldn’t be an arm’s reach away like he was right then—that childhood was departing—made your chest ache. You didn’t know you’d teared up until you felt Guille’s hand on your shoulder and the consequent squeeze there. 

“Don’t cry on me now, I haven’t even left yet.” He said lightly but his eyes were glazed over, too. “Hey, don’t worry, it won’t be for good. Before you know it, I’ll be back here to annoy you. And you know, maybe once I’ve settled in London you could even visit.”

You took his hand and squeezed it back, saying, “Just say the word and I’ll be there. 

[2]

“He’s studying what now?” 

“Sports Psychology. Pay attention.” You swatted at Alexia’s hand but she ignored you. She continued to pinch some more grass from beside where she was laying and let them get carried by the breeze as she threw them into the air. The blades of grass flew freely but some of them landed on her chest and stomach where a bunch of them had begun to pile up. Still, she continued her endeavor. She looked ridiculous but warmth filled you nonetheless, and you smiled as you leaned over to pick them off her jersey. 

Alexia hummed with a note of surprise, “He works fast. He’s only been away for four months?”

“Well, we are talking about Guille here.” 

“Hmm, I always thought Lover Boy would end up in physio–Hey!” 

Alexia yelped when you jerked your thigh that her head was resting on.

“Stop calling him that,” you reprimanded with a light flick to her forehead. At the reminder though, your cheeks warmed. 

She rubbed her forehead as she narrowed her eyes at you, then with a huff and a pout, “Fine, fine! No need to get defensive. Why is it such a big deal anyway?”

“Because, Alexia, we’re all trying to move on.”

“You make it sound like the two of you broke up or something.” She snickered before adding, “Which begs the question, why didn’t you ever go out with him? Minus the fact that he gave you a concussion, of course.” 

Her tone changed at the end, an inflection of something bitter—a bit of her protectiveness showing through—that you chose to ignore. Yet you found yourself unable to answer her anyway. 

You recalled the conversation you had with Guille that night, the way he figured out who held your heart so easily. Ever since, a question gnawed at the edge of your mind, the same one that whispered to you now: were your feelings so transparent? So obvious? 

A brush against your jaw pulled you back and, upon looking down, you were met with the question still in Alexia’s eyes. You shrugged, pulling away from her touch as nonchalantly as you could. 

“Guille is a friend and only that.”

“But you were so close,” she commented.

“Proximity doesn’t always mean intimacy, Alexia.” You were grasping for straws, you knew this. Your eyes wandered before you admitted with another shrug, “Besides, I can’t really see myself in a relationship. Not right now, anyway.”

“Oh.” The sound Alexia made was gentle, barely audible, that you thought it was the wind’s whisper. And then in a tone so soft, “Really? You don’t like anyone? Anyone at all?”

There was something in the way she asked that beckoned you to look back down at her. The scattered rays of the sun dappled her freckled cheeks with flushed amber, and her eyes that were normally a deep shade of ochre shone golden in the light. There was a softness in them that made your heart stutter, and another thing you couldn’t quite figure out, almost a plea, but about what?

You dragged your eyes away from her lips to meet her eyes.

“No, I don’t think it’s for me,” you murmured.

She stared at you for a long time. It felt like being swallowed into their depths and you could do nothing but be swept away, keep the contact somehow, lest she’d find something she shouldn’t see. So you stared right back. 

Eventually, she whispered, “Maybe you just haven’t found the right person yet.”

The lump in your throat remained even after you swallowed. Finally looking away, you hummed out in half-agreement.

“Yeah. Maybe you’re right.”

A pause.

“Do you miss him?” 

“I do. I really do.” You admitted with a sigh. 

After another moment of silence, Alexia continued.

“Would… would you join a club in England?” 

Your gaze flicked back down to her, frowning a little.

“It’s either Barça or Bayern for me, Alexia. You know this.” 

At that, Alexia averted her eyes, picked a fallen leaf, twirled it between her fingers, and then looked at it as if it held the mysteries of the world. 

Carding a finger through her hair, you prompted softly, “Why would you ask that?” 

She shrugged, quirking the corner of her lips downwards. Then she met your eyes with barely concealed vulnerability, voice hesitant when she asked, “So, you’re staying?”

“I am,” you said firmly, smiling at her. “Besides, we’re in this together, aren’t we? Wherever you go, I’ll follow.” 

Finally, her lips broke into a grin.

“I can’t wait to play with you when we get on the first team.” She said with such certainty you couldn’t help but grin back.

“Do you really think we’ll make it?”

“Yeah. We will, you’ll see.”

And you did.

There reflected in her eyes the vision of a future. That familiar splendor of passion—that unwavering resolve—shone untarnished, and the mere sight of it filled you with an overwhelming desire to kiss her. Instead, you leaned down and pressed your forehead to hers.

Alexia accepted the contact with a sigh, and then she whispered, “Sorry to say, but you’re stuck with me, too.”

[3]

You got into Barça’s first team—the both of you did. 

There was a moment where you thought it was too good to be true, and that surely the other shoe would drop any time soon. 

And it did.

Maybe deep down, you hoped otherwise; that the universe would prove you wrong. But the universe had a wicked sense of humor, and you would’ve laughed at the cruelty of the joke if anguish had not choked your laughter tight into tears. The taste of achievement was still fresh on your tongue, still on your way to relishing it, before that same sweetness quickly soured to bitter disappointment. 

Not a year after joining Barça’s first team ranks, the news reached you. Our funds were not enough, they said, and they were sorry they had to cut the women’s team. There was no other way, the club didn’t have enough money to keep the team in the league.

The fact that you got a taste of your dream only to have the rug pulled beneath you was maddening, and it made the pain from the fall all the more worse. The news hit you hard, but Alexia took it the worst.

There was a thin line between perseverance and obsession, and some would even go so far to say that the two were opposite sides to the same coin. You know this. And you also know that Alexia had tossed that coin so many times now that she’d probably forgotten what each of those faces meant, progressively confounding one for the other until they were now one and the same.

Looking back now, the signs were all there: you were blinded by your own loss and your admiration for Alexia that you failed to see it or what it really was—a festering obsession. The signs were there in your time with Espanyol, especially during the first few months after the news of Barça’s restructuring broke; they were present in the way Alexia behaved compulsively, always seething with barely concealed hunger, her tenacity both on and off the field magnified to the tens. It waned somewhat during the season but now with the both of you facing another move—to Levante this time—her obsession resurfaced with renewed vigor, corrupting each knot of her muscle to constrict to their breaking point.

“Ale, do you want to come over to mine?” You asked, leaning against the doorframe of Alexia’s bedroom, while Alexia remained hunched over a folder filled with formations, the same one she’d been studying since last match day.

“Why?” She threw over her shoulder, not even turning to look at you.

You picked at your thumb. 

“I don’t know. Just come and sleep over? Mamá and Papá have been asking about you, you know?”

Finally she turned and her eyes found you. They were flat and the skin under them looked darker than they were yesterday. A slight crease was present between her brows, and her lips drooped slightly at the corners, seemingly unimpressed.

“I just saw them yesterday.” 

Okay, maybe that was a lie.

You shrugged it off, “Doesn’t matter. Come visit anyway.”

“I have other things to worry about,” Alexia grumbled with annoyance, turning around to assume her previous position.

“That’s not going to run away from you, Alexia. Come on.”

 Without letting her get another word in, you took her wrist in a gentle grip and tugged her away from her table. Although you had to admit, it was difficult not to remain unfazed when Alexia got like this, especially considering what she’s going through. Another part of your brain was saying the opposite; that it was because of what she’s going through that you had to intervene like this.

“Hey, wait! What are you doing?!” Alexia protested halfway down the stairs.

“Dragging you to my place, of course.”

“What about my things?”

“You have clothes there. Or, you can just wear my stuff.”

“But we have training!”

“It’s only a light session tomorrow.” 

“But—”

“Alexia.” 

You fixed a stern eye at her over your shoulder and she opened her mouth, as if to say something, before she shut it, sighing in defeat.

The both of you just made it down the stairs to see the front door swing open. Eli entered first, Alba trailing in after. At the sight of her family, Alexia strode to where they were to greet them; she kissed Eli on her temple, and Alba on top of her head.

“How’s Papá?”

Eli gave her daughter a small smile, but the skin around her eyes remained taut, weighed down by something inexplicably heavy. 

“He’s stable, love. The same as when you saw him this morning.” Eli’s gaze flicked to you. “Are you girls heading out?”

You nodded.

“I’ll be stealing away Alexia for the night. Is that okay?”

Eli smiled at you, “Of course.”

“We made some food for dinner. They’re on the stove top.”

“Oh, thank you, my girls.” Eli said, hugging you goodbye after you’d put on your shoes. Then she whispered in your ear, “Thank you.”

In response, you only hugged her tighter. Without meaning to, your eyes fleeted over to Alexia who was having a hushed conversation with Alba. By the end of it, Alexia embraced her little sister, placing another kiss atop her head only this time, Alexia’s brows were deeply creased. 

When you pulled away, you said, squeezing Eli’s hands. “Get some rest, Má. I’ll bring her back first thing after practice tomorrow.” 

And with that, you and Alexia headed out. 

The transit to your place was punctuated with a vacuous silence. Alexia sat beside you, less than an arm’s reach away, but her eyes were trained at somewhere far on the horizon; and she, even farther. But you let her be, there was plenty of time to talk later after all. 

By the time you got home, the lights were already off save for the small night light in the hallway so the both of you climbed the stairs on your toes, making sure to avoid that one creaky spot by the corner.

“You can clean up here, I’ll use the other shower. “ You said, jutting your chin to the direction of the shower. 

Alexia only nodded.

When you returned to your room, the bathroom was empty, a fresh glass of water stood by your night stand, and Alexia was nowhere to be seen. You were just about to head downstairs when she padded into your room with a towel draped over her head and a damp spot from her hair on a shirt you recognised to be yours. 

She must’ve seen the question in your eyes because she muttered, “Double-checked the door lock.”

You hummed as she walked past you, back into the bathroom, and you heard the tap run. 

“Thanks for the water,” you said while taking a sip from the glass she put there.

A sound of recognition came from Alexia.

When Alexia finally finished her business in the bathroom, hair slightly ruffled and almost dry, you were already settled in bed, the sheets on her side pulled off in silent invitation. But Alexia remained standing there, by the golden cast of your night lamp, looking a bit lost for reasons you understood.

Softly, you coaxed, “Hey.”

Alexia’s eyes flicked to you and your heart ached at the sight of them so dulled and weary. It took her another moment but she finally slid in next to you, the warmth of her finally arriving home and seeping into your bones. When her feet brushed over your legs as she shifted beside you, you joked with a hushed giggle to lighten the mood, “Get your cold feet away from me.” 

It worked because her lips quirked up slightly, eyes rolling in jest, but not a second later, her eyes dimmed again, and she looked away. You propped yourself up on your elbow to see her clearly but she refused to meet your eyes. Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, you whispered, the words cracking under the weight of your emotion.

“Ale, talk to me.”

Silence.

A breath.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” came the hoarse reply.

Breathing deeply, you buried your fingers in her hair to try and soothe her. And again, you spoke in whispers. 

“You know, it’s okay to grieve about it, to be angry about it. You don’t have to be strong all the time, Alexia.”

Her eyes flashed with something red then and she growled.

“And what will grieving get me? The way through is forward and only forward. Do you think the world will stop to give you enough time to grieve? To be angry?”

She continued, each word exhaled with urgency. 

“No. The moment you stop, you will be left behind. And I can’t stop. Not now. Especially not now.”

“Having a moment for yourself isn’t stopping. You can’t expect yourself to go on like this forever. Sometimes, you have to do what’s good for yourself, Alexia.”

A scoff.

“It doesn’t matter what’s good for me. What I need is to get back to Barça. Then, and only then, will I feel at ease.”

“At the expense of what, then? Killing your passion for the sport by making it your duty?”

Alexia startled you when she ripped herself away from you, sitting up so abruptly that the headboard banged against the wall. And when she glared down at you, you found a look in her eyes similar to that of a desperate animal’s; a look where the distinction between fear and anger blurred into something wild. 

Then, through her teeth, she hissed in a low voice.

“It is my duty! It always has been. Don’t you see? It has always been more than a sport to me. It’s not the same for you and I don’t expect you to understand because you—”

She stopped herself, facing forward in an instant, pinching the bridge of her nose as she setted her arms over her folded knees. 

Slowly, you rose, and only the sound of sheets settling around your waist filled the air. This momentary reprieve was mainly for Alexia’s sake—she was overwhelmed, that was clear to see—but maybe you needed a moment yourself because what she said hurt you. Still, you soldiered on because this was for Alexia. 

She tensed upon your touch, her muscles rippled beneath your palm as you dragged it from the small of her back, tracing the contours of her spine to the nape of her neck, but by the time your hand finally settled on her opposite shoulder, some of the tension had melted away.

“No, you’re right, I don’t understand,” you began, voice strained. “I don’t understand why you’re so adamant in destroying yourself. This—this shutting your family out with what’s happening with you. Your mother is worried sick. She’s asking about how you are, Alexia, do you know that? Your own mother!” 

Alexia released a weary sigh and then said in an even wearier tone.

“She has no need to worry.”

You almost scoffed at that, but stopped yourself although you couldn’t help the severity that bled into your next words.

“How could she not when you’re working yourself to the bone? Tell me, how do you expect us not to worry?” 

Silence. Then the murmur of folding fabric when Alexia curled into herself, head buried in the arms folded over her knees. In that cavern of her own making, a ragged breath echoed, followed by the shuddering of muscles. You ached at the state of her, and there was a lump in your throat that you couldn’t swallow. 

And barely above a whisper, you breathed, “You cannot carry the whole weight of the world by yourself. You’re not Atlas, Alexia. Let your family in.”

“Ale,” you tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. Red eyes peered from the darkness of her arms and it broke you, but you had to plead, “Talk to me. Please…”

“I–I’m scared,” she choked out finally. “He’s getting worse. It’s the second attack this month and I—”

Her fingers dug into her arms when she tightened her grip.

“I thought winning the Copa de la Reina last year would give us enough exposure but it wasn’t enough. So, I wanted to do it again this season to prove that we belong in Barça but instead, we lost to them.” A ragged breath. “And now we’re going to Levante. I just–”

She looked up at you, lips quivering with a whimper, “I just want us to go home.”

“Oh, Alexia.” 

Without saying another word, you put your arms around her, forehead pressed close against her ear and the hitch in her breathing resounded loud and clear.

“It’s frustrating, isn’t it, how far we seem from getting back?” Alexia’s back tensed in answer but you only hugged tighter. “But that’s not true at all.”

You felt Alexia lift her head and you moved away just enough to see how she eyed you with confusion. You gave her a small smile as you grazed your knuckles over her tear-stained cheek.

“On top of your club activities, your national performance has been nothing short of exemplary. Those matter. And with all the articles they’ve been writing about you, it’s only a matter of time now.” Brightening your tone a little, you added with a playful smile, “you probably won’t finish your season with Levante before Barça gets their hands on you.”

A corner of her lips lifted up upon your remark so you pushed on.

“I know it’s not the same as being in Barça, but what you’ve achieved so far has got to count for something, Alexia. Your father… he’s so, so proud of you.” Your tone shifted, now firm. “And I doubt he’d be happy to know that his daughter is pushing her body past the point of injury to get into Barça. You know your mother and sister have been covering your ass, right? Uh-huh, yeah, I thought so.”

“You need to let yourself breathe,” you kissed her temple, then her shoulder. When your eyes met again, you found a soft look in hers that reminded you of when you were younger. Smoothing her hair again, you asked, “Can you do that, Alexia? Not for us, but for yourself?”

Alexia regarded you for a long, silent moment. Then she closed her eyes, opened them a breath later, and nodded, her lips curling up to a sincere smile. In response, you couldn’t help but grin back at her.

Sensing that her mood had elevated, you placed one last kiss on her temple before you reached over her, towards the lamp to turn it off, leaving your room illuminated by the blue glow of the moon. Alexia needed no guidance to rest her head against your chest and immediately, you wrapped your arms around her. She sighed deep in the crook of your neck and you were filled with a sense of belonging—of wholeness.

Your eyes fluttered shut to the rhythm of  Alexia’s heartbeat pressed against your side.

“I’m sorry”, came the whisper.

“What for?”

“I shouldn’t have said what I did, about you not understanding. That was wrong, and I know all of this means everything to you like the way it means everything to me.”

“I appreciate that, Alexia. Don’t worry about it.” 

“And I’m sorry for—”

“Ale,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss on her crown, “you don’t have to apologise for anything.”

A pause before a deep exhale heated up your neck.

“Thank you, then.”

You hummed, already halfway to dreaming. And with one last reassuring squeeze at her hip, you found yourself murmuring, “I got you. Good night, Ale.”

“Good night,” Alexia said with a kiss to your neck and you slept with a smile on your lips.

[4]

“Alexia! Can you please—Shit!” 

It was too late. 

The box on top of the one you were carrying slid and fell, and all you could do was cringe as it spilled all of your toiletries by the front door. 

“Oops, sorry.”

You turned to Alexia with a glare of slight annoyance, but when you saw her sheepish expression, with the corners of her mouth pulled down and an eye twisted to a flinch, you let it go. With a roll of your eyes and a slight shake of your head, you signaled for her to proceed ahead as you held the door open with your weight. Once inside, she settled her boxes down on the tiled floor, letting out a small grunt as she did so, before she took yours. 

You’d just finished picking up the toiletries when Alexia asked, “That’s the last of it, yes?”

Turning to face her, you saw her wipe the sweat off her temples before settling her hands on her hips. She scanned the would-be living room occupied by some stacks of boxes. Apart from the couch and mattresses, almost everything else needed to be unpacked and organised.

You placed the toiletries on the nearest counter and made a beeline for the couch. On your way, you patted her back and replied. 

“Yep. Just let me take five, and then we can open ‘em up.”

You face-planted on the couch with a groan, which then turned to a sigh not a second later. Those boxes took more from you than you’d anticipated, making the stiffness of the couch feel as soft as clouds to your bones. 

The strain from your eyes began to dissipate the moment your eyes fluttered shut, and you could feel the peace that awaited you in that velvet darkness when you were ripped back to wakefulness the moment a warm, crushing weight pressed onto your spine. 

Alexia had taken it upon herself to drape herself over you like you were the couch itself. 

“What—Alexia!” You yelped, “Get off me!” 

But of course, she did the exact opposite.

“Why? I was just getting comfortable,” Alexia deadpanned. 

She shifted on your back and she at least had the decency to prevent her elbows from digging into your back as she did. The next thing you knew, her front followed the curve of your back, blanketing you in her warmth, while her arms wrapped loosely around your waist.

Your heart thundered in your chest and you tried not to think too hard about it so you snorted out, “I hope you’re comfortable.”

“Since you asked, yes. I very much am, thank you.” 

“You’re so annoying.” 

“I carried those boxes for you.” 

“You didn’t have to if you didn’t make me drop the toiletries.”

“I told you to tape up the box, but you didn’t listen to me, so whose fault is it exactly?”

You rolled your eyes. She was right, but you weren’t about to tell her that. 

“You’re impossible.”

“Impossibly right, yes.”

See? You didn’t have to tell her. 

You scoffed, “Why do I even put up with you?”

“Because you love me,” Alexia said in a matter-of-fact tone that made your heart jump. “Now shush. Let’s nap for a bit and then unpack.”

Alexia yawned, snuggling closer into you. If she heard the way your heart pounded, she didn’t comment on it. As you drifted into a warm slumber, there was weight that pressed against your chest—a realization of some sort—but about what, you didn’t know. 

Only after you woke to find Alexia had unpacked the boxes containing essential items and ordered a bag-full of takeaways; only after the both of you finished dining on paper plates, crossed-legged on the tiled, living room floor, laughing with your mouths full when Alexia made a mess of her food because of her inability to use chopsticks; only after Alexia found her Polaroid camera and took photos of the two of you, her arm slung casually over your shoulder, her lips pressed against your cheek. Then, and only then, did you recognise what that weight was for what it was. 

You knew then: you were utterly and irrevocably gone.

You were in love.

And you could only pray that the heat from your cheeks wouldn’t sell you out. 

[5]

With all the changes that came with moving shelters and clubs, there was no time to think about home. Between getting used to your new club schedules, being acquainted with your new coaches and teammates, and familiarising yourself with the local area, your mind had no energy left to ruminate by the end of the day. And the difference between staying over at Alexia’s—or vice versa—for a few nights and living under the same roof together for the foreseeable future became increasingly obvious as you settled in your apartment in Buñol. 

It was all new but the both of you managed and even somehow established a sort of routine. While you did most of the cooking and half of the cleaning, Alexia did the groceries and, thanks to her natural affinity for the sun—her words, not yours—she insisted on doing the laundry. You teased her about it but more often than not, her weather predictions proved accurate to the forecast, saving the both of you the trouble of dealing with damp clothes. 

But as routine fell into place, so did the yearning for home.

The thing about missing home was that it brought on a different kind of longing. It was the kind that burrowed deep, the kind that dug a gaping hole in your chest and left you at a loss for how to fill it. It provoked the desire to turn back the hands of time, live in a memory, and step back into a moment already gone by. 

Yes, there was a sense of freedom that came with living apart from your family, and sure the distance between Buñol and Mollet was only a three-hour drive or a five-hour train ride away. All of those things are true, but you’d be lying if you said being away from home didn’t feel heavy. 

No more was the comforting presence of your parents at hand nor the jovial company of Alexia’s family nearby; it was just you and Alexia.

And the world never felt bigger than it was now. 

You were lucky, though, to have Alexia with you. She was a piece of home that you took with you, and just having her by your side helped ease the ache somehow. But you have to admit, living with her brought on a different kind of pain. 

Ever since you realized just how deep your feelings for her ran, being around her had only gotten more difficult. Everything and everywhere reminded you of her, and everything she did would send a jolt to your heart that left you breathless. Something as simple as her running her fingers through her hair, or a small smile; a brush against your cheek, a hand against the small of your back—you were sure you were this close to going mad.

The intensity and frequency of these… stutters had only seemed to increase by the day, and frankly, it was beginning to scare you. That, and the questions that had been nagging you lately.

What would Alexia do if she found out that you liked her way more than a friend should? That you liked women? Could Alexia like women? She probably didn’t. She would hate you for this, wouldn’t she? What about your parents? How would you even go about telling them? Would they still love you? What if—

The sound of the key being slotted into the lock, followed by the opening and closing of the door cut your thoughts short. And then came a soft sound, barely audible.

“Alexia?” 

You called out but there was no response so you padded over to the living room. Just before the end of the corridor a small movement caught your eye. You couldn’t help the gasp that escaped your lips even if you tried.

“What—”

The kitten mewled softly again, rubbing itself against the beige tone of the walls as it took you in with those large, yellow eyes. Its coat looked bright and pristine, nearly as white as the petals of the tree heath flowers that bloomed at home in spring. The same flowers that filled the garden of your home with their sweetness. 

“Hey, there. How did you get in here?” You cooed, crouching slowly, before you reached out your hand towards the kitten. It took a cautious step back but you waited patiently, keeping your hand where it was. A moment later, it seemed to have found the courage, stepping forward tentatively to sniff at your finger, before it licked your knuckle. Then it ducked down, nuzzling its head against your palm, its eyes closing from the contact. 

Warmth flooded your chest and you whispered, “Oh, you’re so adorable!”

“She’s yours.”

Your eyes flicked up to find Alexia leaning her weight against the wall, her arms crossed, head tilted slightly to the side; her eyes lidded with something you couldn’t quite recognise but you felt their warmth. The soft smile on her lips made her face look radiant and beneath her gaze, you couldn’t help the heat that rushed to your cheeks.

As an excuse to hide your face, you dipped down your chin to pick the kitten who only yawned in response. 

“Mine?” You asked as you stood up and walked over to where Alexia was, stopping just an arm’s length away.

Alexia only hummed in agreement, her smile still as soft as ever.

At that, you reached and draped your free arm around her neck, whispering against her ear, “Thank you.”

She moved, finally, wrapping her arms around your waist to pull you closer.

“You’re welcome.” Her words, murmured though as they were, curled through the smile you knew she still wore and made their home in your heart. 

“What are you going to name her?” Alexia asked.

“Nona.”

“Nona?”

You hummed in confirmation. You pulled away just enough to make space to look at Nona, and you tried hard not to focus too much on how Alexia had settled her hands on your hips. 

“Mamá, Papá, me” you began, putting up a digit on your free hand as you listed each one, “You, Alba, Eli, Jaume, Guille…”

“And Nona,” Alexia finished for you, smiling down at Nona. Alexia met your eyes again.

“Your family of nine?”

“Mine,” you nodded, “And yours, too.” 

Alexia beamed down at you but then she scrunched her nose. 

“Does Guille need to be there?”

“Alexia!” 

[6]

It was raining when Alexia told you.

On a damp Monday night, a few months following your move to Levante—after the both of you found an apartment in Buñol, and after that fateful day of realisation—she said something that changed everything. 

Throughout the day, you couldn’t help but notice how strange Alexia was behaving. She’d twisted and fiddled with the hem of her jersey during today’s practice enough that she’d torn a hole through one spot. She’d twirled that loose lock of her hair so many times that you’d already lost count, and on the drive home, more than once, sped through a yellow sign. Even now, she was silent beside you as she helped cook the meal for you two tonight when usually, she would have gone over what happened at practice twice at this point. 

And at the rate she was going, she’d end up gnawing off the skin of her lower lip. 

“Why don’t you go ahead and clean up first?” You said as casually as you could, taking both of your plates off the table and moving towards the sink.

Alexia eyed you. 

“Is everything alright?” She asked. You caught a sight of her over your shoulder, sitting up, more alert than a second ago. 

“No, nothing. Why do you ask that?”

A pregnant pause.

“Because you normally let me help with the dishes.”

You shrugged, turning back to the sink. “Seriously, Alexia. It’s nothing. You just look tired. Now go so I can shower. We can put on AHS after.”

Another pause and then finally, you heard the scrape of her chair against the tiles.

“Alright,” she mumbled before her footsteps receded.

Much later, when you’d finished cleaning up and showered, the two of you wounded up on the couch, wrapped in each other with an episode of American Horror Story playing in the background. Alexia’s head was tucked in the crook of your neck while you played with a loose lock of her hair when you finally asked her.

“Are you ready to tell me what you’ve been worrying about all day, or should I keep pretending that I haven’t noticed?” 

You kept your tone light, almost teasing, because you had a feeling that whatever Alexia was about to say had weight to it. And surely enough, as soon as the question had left your mouth did Alexia stiffen against you and her breathing stilled. It took her another moment to pull away, untangling herself from you, before she reclined against the couch. 

Without so much as looking at you, she countered, “Could you hate me?”

The question jarred you and you couldn’t help but frown in confusion. What kind of question was that? You looked at her—searching for answers as to why she would ask such a thing—but Alexia kept her eyes fixed to the TV while the flashing images made shadows play on the smooth neutrality of her forehead and cheeks. You found no answer, so you replied truthfully. 

“No. Disappointed maybe, but hate? I can’t think of anything that would make me hate you.”

At that, her shoulders curled forward, arms crossing over her chest, and her chin dipped down so low it almost looked uncomfortable. 

She said softly, “Just think about it.”

Silence settled—heavily. 

You gnawed your lip, turning over everything in your head, as you tried desperately to come up with something. But nothing.

“Honestly, Alexia, unless you killed someone, I really can’t think of anything else.”

“I—” Alexia started but a choke cut off the rest of it. 

The sound came out so suddenly that it seemed to reverberate, bouncing off the walls and resounded loud in your ears. You sat up, alert, fully facing Alexia who now had her hands over her face, shielding her eyes from your view. She drew in a breath, and what she released was something shaky. 

You’d never seen her like this before, and you’d faced more than a handful of adversities together. What could possibly be making her hurt like this? Your gut twisted at the sight of her and you were filled with an overwhelming urge to take her in your arms. Instead, you settled for a light touch to her knee.

“Alexia,” you began softly, “What is it?”

Under the shield of her hand, you saw her lips quiver. Then a tear ran down her chin.

You ached at the sight but you remained silent.

“I’m—” Her lips twisted to a grimace. “I—I don’t know how it happened I just—”

Another pause.

“I like women.”

For a moment, the air stilled; almost like a vacuum had swallowed up all sounds. And then something swelled: blood rushed into your ears, and, as if life had broken a shell, a flood washed over you, filling each and every bone; and it felt a lot like hope. 

The raw sob that escaped Alexia’s throat broke you from your epiphany. She must’ve misunderstood your silence because now, she’d curled even further into herself, palms digging into her sockets. You shook yourself, mentally scolding yourself for getting distracted, before you moved closer to her.

“Oh, Alexia.” She flinched away when she felt your arms around her but you only clung tighter. “Thank you, Alexia, for trusting me with this. I want you to know that you don’t have to hide from me, that this doesn’t change anything no matter how that voice in your head might tell you otherwise. You’re still Alexia, and I—I love you all the same. I don’t hate you, I promise, and I won’t. I’ll always be here.”

When you whispered those words into her ear, she finally sagged into your embrace, turning her head so it rested, again, in the crook of your neck where she released a sob. This time, it sounded more from relief than from grief. 

There, on the couch, you held her until she fell asleep. 

“You know,” you whispered in the dark, tucking a lock of Alexia’s hair behind her ear long after she’d fallen asleep. Alexia didn’t stir, and you continued to no one in particular, “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

And there with your whole world in your arms, you finally allowed yourself the luxury to hope.

[7]

When you were seven, just a few months before you met Alexia, an idea dawned on you. Sick and tired of the kid’s pool, with its small and, if you were being honest, slightly unkempt water, the large one next door offered freedom—a tantalizing concept for a child. You stood at one end of that pool and found a face of determination reflected back at you. You were going to do it; you would swim across the length of the pool and make it to the other side. 

And then, you jumped in.

It took about a minute or two before your muscles started burning, hardening to a cramp with every stroke, and yet the other side didn’t look any closer. That was when it sank in; the pool was far too large. There was a brief moment when you gasped for air and remembered to swim towards the nearest edge, just like your father taught you, but by that point it was already too late.

Water rushed into your nose and mouth, bringing stinging hopelessness in their wake, clogging your throat with a muffling silence that stifled your scream.

Your father barely caught you in time.

Yes, you remembered all too well that burn in your lungs. 

If that pool was a frozen lake, what would drowning feel like? 

In Barcelona, the lakes never froze in winter. Even the westerly winds that brought the Atlantic squalls slithering under each door in the city in cold February weren’t enough to make the chill settle in. The only time your bones truly felt the bitter meaning of winter was when you’d gone to Norway to attend a relative’s funeral, and the occasion did nothing to lessen the cold. It was also the first time you’d ever stepped foot on ice, and the fear that lanced through you at the sound of the first crack—seemingly almost like a thunder out of the blue—left you rooted to the spot, fearful that a breath could put you under.

Waiting for death felt just like that; like walking on a slate of ice. 

And the aftermath? 

A drowning of a different kind.

Every phone call was a step on that thin slate of ice; every step a space closer to certainty, each one a crack on that fragile surface, another moment closer to a falling in. The thing was, death was as true as the ice giving way but no matter how inevitable the end may be, or how slow the unfurling of that mortal coil may seem, the force of the fall was no less devastating. The ice would shatter and there would be a split-second when you’d feel suspended, held by a single thread of hope for one last miracle—the only miracle that mattered—but there was no saving you from the freezing waters. 

And nobody ever told you about how quickly you would sink under; about how the cold would bite their way down to the bones while your blood sang that familiar rhythm of life, a bitter reminder of the clear division between past and present—the antecedent and the aftermath; and just how painful it would be to be stuck in-between remembering what once was and what could have been.

In that space, in that frigid depth, no amount of screaming nor air could prevent you from drowning. Without the arms of a father to save you, how could you not drown?

And the worst part?

There was no bottom to grief; you either float or sink in that frozen lake.

And Alexia sank. 

[8]

Days passed, weeks, then months; the world kept turning. Life demanded you to be present and compelled you to move forward like everyone else. And yet still, even after changing everything in its wake, grief lingered as it always did. 

There were still times when you’d catch Alexia turn from every mirror, eyes casted down almost out of fear of what she’d see. How could you look at your reflection when every bit of skin there held the reminders of what you’d lost? Every reminder brought with it a memory, and what were memories if not a mouth full of teeth? It was a mouth that took every opportunity to bare its teeth, to gnaw at that hole in your chest until the edges were raw again—like they never healed to begin with. Again and again, it bit; its teeth, painting themselves red.

But if anything could transcend time itself, it was the resilience of the human spirit. Even if her father was never far from her mind, Alexia pressed forward; now for two hearts instead of one. 

Winter ended finally, and the sun rose again. And when summer arrived, so did the news. 

“Llorens spoke with me today,” Alexia spoke over the running of the tap. You looked at her over your shoulder, she was leaning against the frame of the kitchen door. She said the next part in a tone so soft that you barely caught it.

“He said… They asked me to rejoin Barça.”

Your eyes widened and it only took you a moment before you ran to her, wrapping your arms around Alexia’s neck, while Alexia returned the embrace by putting her arms around your waist. 

“Holy shit, Alexia! That’s amazing!” You practically screamed into her ear. Pulling away to look at her, you found pride shining in her eyes but for reasons you couldn’t quite understand, there was a weight that burdened the corners of her lips. You knew just how much this meant to her, getting back into Barça, and it worried you that she wasn’t celebrating like you’d expected her to.

You asked gently, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

At that, she sighed heavily, tightening her hold around your waist as she did. She gnawed at her lower lip, brows creasing.

“You haven’t heard anything from them?”

“No,” you admitted, ignoring the twinge in your chest. “It doesn’t matter, Alexia. This is your opportunity to go back. When are you due to leave?”

“I—I told them I’d get back to them tomorrow.”

Your eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.

“What! Alexia, what’s gotten into you?”

“I don’t want to leave you alone.”

Finally, you recognised what it was that was casting its familiar shadows in her eyes: worry. Although you were grateful that she was, it was completely unnecessary and borderline irrational. She shouldn’t throw away what she worked hard for because you couldn’t perform at the same level, and no way in hell would you let her feel bad for your own inadequacy. 

You took her face into your hands, looking into her eyes as you enunciated each word slowly.

“Alexia, listen to me. You will meet with Llorens first thing tomorrow, and you will put that pen to paper, do you hear me? And then you will leave Levante without me—” when she opened her mouth, as if to protest, you pressed a finger to her lips. “You will leave Levante without me, and you will play for Barça come this season. There are no ‘buts’ here, Alexia. You have to do this. You owe yourself that much.”

Alexia remained quiet but she looked at you with large eyes that made your heart ache the way it always did for her. 

And then, “What about you?”

“I will work twice as hard. And I will meet you there,” you whispered, losing yourself in the depth of her eyes. “I promise.”

Alexia nodded and slowly, a smile made its way onto her lips.

“You better.” She mumbled. Then she added playfully, “Now get your hands off of my face, you’ve made it all wet.”

You flashed her a devilish grin before you wiped one of your hands down her face. 

[9]

It wasn’t until a month after your first game with Barça that you saw Diana again. 

With her line of work, it was no surprise that she was an incredibly busy person. That meant her stays in Barcelona were brief enough that she couldn’t make it to any friendly hangouts the way your other friends’ partners could, only ever having the time for Alexia which was the most important thing. So when Alexia messaged the group chat last night that she and Diana would be lunching with you, Patri, Tori, and Mapi today, everyone received the news with barely hidden enthusiasm. 

And this was how you found yourself sitting at the head of the table with Patri sitting on the other end, Alexia and Diana to your left with Alexia’s arm draped casually over the back of Diana’s chair, while Mapi and Tori sat to your right. As you all waited for your food to arrive, you engaged in a light and friendly conversation. Mapi and Tori were a lethal duo when it came to jokes, almost having all of you keel over from laughter, causing the eyes of the other patrons in the restaurant to flit to your table, and you were sure you saw barely hidden amusement on the face of the waiter that served you. 

Lunch was going well—for your part especially—with all things considered. So you took this time to appreciate Alexia and Diana together just like this because you never got the chance to. And it was clear that the both of them made quite the pair; so beautiful that they almost looked untouchable. They kept their displays of affection sparse and yet the smallest of gestures held a thousand words. In Diana’s presence, Alexia seemed so happy and she had an air about her so light she was almost like the sun. 

You couldn’t help it, you smiled at the sight. Seeing Alexia like this was enough for you, and you knew this. She deserved this. If only Patri could stop eyeing you with worry, you could keep pretending that twinge in your chest didn’t exist. 

Everything was going well, but the universe—as it seemed to become accustomed to lately—was adamant to prove you wrong. Or, maybe you should’ve just crushed your feelings under foot once and for all. It was when the food arrived that things took a turn for the worse. 

When the last dish was delivered by the waiter, Tori, Patri, and Diana fell in a conversation. Mapi, you spied, was not so subtly texting someone beneath the table—Ingrid, you guessed, by the way her eyes shone and her nose crinkled in delight. Alexia on the other hand was left to fend for herself… against her food. 

After all this time, Alexia still couldn’t eat properly with chopsticks. It was definitely the bulkness of her hands that made her clumsy with the delicate tools; you’d told her as much before. You bit your tongue before you could tell her that again. Instead, you teased her.

“Are you playing with your food?”

Alexia glared at you but still, color rose to her cheeks as she grumbled. 

“Shut up. You know using these things is difficult for me.”

“Stop sulking. Besides, I already taught you before.” You rolled your eyes. Then you instructed, “Open your palm.”

She pouted but she did what you asked anyway.

“Your hands are too big so you have to hold them at the very end. Let the bottom one rest in the crook of your thumb, yes, that’s it. And hold the top like you’re writing with a pen. Loosen up a bit, you’re too tense.”

You adjusted the placement of the chopsticks slightly, “Just close your thumb over the sticks and move your—That’s it! You got it, you got it.”

With a triumphant smile, Alexia finally succeeded at her attempt to pick up her food. And when her smile curled over the food she put in her mouth, a warmth flooded the cavity of your chest. The sparkle in her eyes just then somehow made you feel like a teenager again. 

You didn’t know what it was that drew your attention to her, but your gaze flitted over to Diana. You weren’t sure what you expected; maybe that she was still talking with Patri or Tori… only she wasn’t. She was staring at you with a face set in a stoicism so neutral—her lips drawn to a careful line—that you had this unsettling feeling that she was everything but impassive. Her eyes betrayed her the most: they were sharp, barely narrowed, and there was an attentiveness in them that made you feel transparent—exposed—as if she could see right through you; as if she’d found something. 

A chill ran through you, and you shuddered internally.

Quickly, you averted your eyes back down to your meal. Developing an excessive interest in your food, you receded into yourself and tried to school your face to what you hope was impartial nonchalance. A little later when you finally felt brave enough to chance a look at Diana, you saw her talking to Patri and Tori again, laughing and smiling as if the moment between the two of you never happened.

You relaxed and you found breathing easy again. 

Maybe you were just being paranoid.

But really, you should’ve known better.

[10]

Time, with its infamous predisposition to fly, had snuck up on you. 

A blink of an eye found you stepping out of a plane in the middle of August and the next thing you knew, December only had days to breathe. Ending the year at the top of La Liga, together with your clean sheets, was nothing short of a relief. It was a testament to how you’ve integrated yourself with the team so far, but you knew enough that this shouldn’t call for complacency. In fact, it demanded the opposite; you needed to work harder especially with the match against Lyon looming closer in the horizon. 

For now though, rest was due. 

Most of your teammates had either flown themselves home or somewhere far warmer than Barcelona’s dropping temperature. For those who stayed, like you, you needed to find a way to amuse yourselves without freezing. Tonight, it seemed that the club was the unanimous choice: what better way to stay warm and have fun than to get drunk and dance? 

That was how you found yourself under flashing lights nursing your own glass while you watched the rest of your team get their freaks on from the bar. You knew Patri was already four shots down—you all had only been here an hour; Mapi and Ingrid were getting a little too cozy in a secluded corner, which you couldn’t fault them for since it was Ingrid’s last day in the city before she had to go home; Alexia had vanished with Diana to do who knew what, while Aitana and Ona were losing it on the dance floor. 

Aitana and Ona spotted you hanging out at the bar so they began to wave you over with enthusiasm. You shook your head at the display, smiling, and made to move off the counter you were leaning on when a tap on your shoulder caught your attention. But before you could turn to see who it was, a familiar voice pierced through the music. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here.”

Standing behind you was a woman; the stewardess that ushered you off your plane. Out of her work clothes and the dull setting of a plane, her beauty shone through untarnished. Gone was the sleek hairdo and instead, she’d opted to leave her hair down. Her short hair barely grazed her collarbones, you noted, and as you traced their outline, you found the piercing in her sternum glinting in silent invitation. She was wearing a simple black dress that revealed just enough of her chest to entice, the thin fabric of it accentuating the curves of her waist, and it stopped just halfway down the length of her thighs to reveal the intricate lines of floral tattoos on her side. 

Finally catching yourself, you tore your eyes away and found her gaze. What you found reflected in them was amusement and you tried to stop your cheeks from burning. 

As casually as you could, you said, “Oh, hey, it’s you. I… actually never caught your name.”

“Micah,” she replied, extending out a hand. You took it as you told her yours. She leaned on the bar, waved the bartender over who gave her the drink she asked for, and took a sip. Then she turned back to you. 

“You know, I never expected to see you again. And in a gay club, of all places.”

“Why not a gay club?” You asked with a small laugh.

She shrugged, one corner of her mouth quirking up almost sheepishly.

“I may have searched your name up after I met you. No history of relationships, just multiple pictures of you with the same guy. I thought he’s your boyfriend, so.”

“Is it a guy with curly hair?”

“Yeah.”

At that you let out another small laugh.

“That’s Guille, my best friend. He’s like a brother.”

“Oh.” Micah’s cheeks flushed. 

You gave her a grin, “Yeah. But just to clarify, I am, in fact, into women. Exclusively.”

As if a switch has been flipped, Micah’s demeanour shifted, eyes now smouldering. The change affected you in ways you didn’t anticipate and with your slight height over her, it became difficult to keep your eyes where they should be, especially when the silver glint of her piercing tempted your eyes downwards. But just as the alcohol had thinned your blood, your self-control frayed all the same; your eyes roamed down to her cleavage which you admired briefly, before you met her gaze again.

That seemed to be the signal Micah was looking for because she stepped into your space, her drink now sitting forgotten on the counter. She dragged her fingers up your arm, all the way to your exposed collarbone where she traced the skin there while she watched you with dark eyes, her plump lip between her teeth. 

You shivered; she was so close now that the heat of her body washed over you. 

“Really? Prove it, then.” Micah whispered, ghosting her lips over yours.

You leaned forward when she pulled back slightly, as if magnetized to her lips. Then you asked, “How?”

“Dance with me.”

She dragged you to the dancefloor and you let yourself be swept away in the sea of bodies moving to the same rhythm. And then the both of you danced, her body against yours, your hands tracing her outlines as you pulled her closer as she did the same to you. 

Time blurred into a singularity after that but it existed again when, at one point, Micah took your cheek into her palm to pull you down for a kiss. Her lips were searing hot when they branded yours that you couldn’t help but gasp and moan into them, a sound which Micah gladly swallowed. 

It had been a while since you’d been touched and you didn’t realise just how much you missed it: the skim of skin over skin, the languidness of your blood turning to molten rush; how you missed the deprivation of air from your lungs and the delicious ache that came with it. And how you missed touching another. Your hands sought the exposed skin of her back, relishing the softness beneath your palms as you settled them there, respectfully just above her ass, to pull her in, flushed to your body.

She sighed and she looped her arms around your neck; deeper, hotter.

And in the heat, you lost yourself. 

You couldn’t remember how the both of you made it to your apartment, only that she ended up on top of you, head between your legs as you gasped out her name in the dark. And when she braced herself against her elbow, her other hand working you over the edge once more, you couldn’t help but note how beautiful she was with her curtain of brown hair, her lips slightly parted, eyes shining in the dark.

And when you came on her fingers with her lips on yours, you had a nagging feeling that this felt a lot like when you were nineteen. 

[11]

Clutching your head, you tried to soothe the remnants of your hangover as you headed over the door. You squinted at the light that shone through when you opened it and when the blob in front of you assumed a semblance of familiarity, you croaked out a question.

“Alexia? What’re you doing here?”

“Wow, you look like you’ve been hit by a truck.” Alexia teased but when you glared at her, she finally answered your question. She lifted her hand and that was when you noticed what she was holding. “Got your jacket. You left it at the club last night.”

You blinked at her, eyes still squinted, and enunciated each word slowly. “You drove all the way here. To drop off my jacket.”

She nodded.

“And you couldn’t have waited until dinner tonight?”

“Nope. The jacket was of utmost priority, obviously. Second priority, of course, is to check that you haven’t dropped dead yet. Third, to make sure you show up at dinner on time.” Alexia stepped back and gave you a once-over. “And by the looks of it, you need more than just a check up.” 

“Fuck you.” 

At that, her brows only creased as she threw her head back to laugh. 

“Rough morning, huh?” 

“I’m glad you find my hangover amusing.” You grunted, turning to shuffle back into the kitchen to make the coffee you were about to prepare before a clown interrupted you. “Close the door, you’re letting all the heat out.”

“Okay, Grumpy.” Alexia said behind you and you heard the door close. A rustle of fabric, and then, “Go drink some water and maybe then you can actually hold a conversation.”

You rolled your eyes even though she couldn’t see your face. 

“Shut up. I’ve only been awake for an hour.” 

“Sure.” Alexia dragged out her answer like she believed what you just said—she didn’t.

You turned on the coffee machine and pressed the button for a double shot. The sound of whirring filled the air.

“You want some coffee?” You asked, looking at Alexia over your shoulder who you found was not-so-subtly craning her neck to look down the hall. When she saw you looking at her, Alexia flashed you a questioning look.

“Are we alone or… ?” Alexia trailed off but before she could finish the question, you nodded. She walked to the counter and picked an apple from the fruit bowl.

“Oh, okay, good. And no, thanks, I already had a shot before I left home this morning.” 

You returned to your coffee, placing the cup aside so you could prepare the milk. 

Beside you, you heard the running of the tap and then a rustling of clothes followed by a slight thump. From the corner of your eye, you spied Alexia leaning against the counter. 

You just finished pouring the milk into your cup when you heard Alexia hum before the unmistakable bite to the flesh of an apple. Lifting the cup, you took a sip and welcomed the bitterness of caffeine on your tongue. 

“You know,” Alexia started, “you never told me you liked women.”

You froze. 

The lingering euphoria from last night—along with the excitement from Micah’s proposal for a next time when she left early this morning—immediately vanished. There was something about the nonchalant way that Alexia got you; it cut you deep. And the wounds you thought were long healed now bled through their stitches. A dot of coffee stained the white countertop, followed by another, and before your cup slipped from your grip, you put it down and pressed your shaking hands flat on the countertop. 

“What?” Your tone was tame but you were everything but. Pressure rose in your veins because how dared she. How dared she.

“I’m not mad or anything, I’m just surprised that’s all.” Alexia laughed lightly but the sound grated at your ears. 

“Was that a recent development? Did you find that out in the States?” Then she continued with a bit of guilt seeping through her voice. “If you found out before you moved to Angel City, I hope I never made you feel as though you couldn’t share that with me. And if I did, then I’m—”

“Please, don’t insult me, Alexia.”

As if finally detecting the ice in your tone, you saw her head turn towards you from the corner of your eye, but you made no move to look at her. 

 “I’m not insulting you. It’s just–I’m a terrible friend for never seeing the signs and that I couldn’t be there for you.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You scoffed but it sounded more like a choked sob than anything. The world blurred before you and you watched as your tears mixed with the coffee stains on the counter. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Came Alexia’s concerned voice before you heard a rustling of clothes, and then the touch to your shoulder. The reaction of your body was visceral: you stumbled back as you slapped her hand away as if she’d burnt you.

“Don’t touch me!” Heat pricked around the skin where she’d touch you, and you felt as if something was crawling beneath. “Get out.”

“What?”

Finally, you looked her in the eye and the force of the movement made your tears fall. Alexia stood there frozen, mouth agape, eyes wide and brows knotted in horror. You couldn’t care less; looking at her hurt and you wanted her out of your apartment—now. 

“I said leave.”

Alexia ran a frustrated hand through her hair and she pleaded, “Tell me what I did!”

“Get out, Alexia!” 

She opened her mouth, stopped midway, and finally shook her head. With one last look at you, she turned for the door but before she stepped out, she turned back to you. She sighed then said in a small voice.

“I don’t know what happened but I’m sorry anyway. I… I’ll see you tonight.”

With that, the door closed. At the click of the lock, you slid down to the floor; your back against the surface of the cabinets with Alexia’s half-eaten apple by your feet. 

She really did forget, didn’t she? And you were the only one who remembered because between the two of you, it was only you who cared enough to latch onto the memory. She didn’t care, and you doubted she ever did to begin with. Why did you think otherwise? Why?

Your face fell into your hands, and you sobbed. 

Stupid.

You were so fucking stupid. 

[growthhyp]

Hey, you got anything that comes in a matching pair? It’s my best friend’s birthday coming up and I can’t think of what to get him for the life of me, but he’s like a brother to me, I gotta find something! So I was thinking some sort of sentimental thing? One for me and one for him?

The Muscular Twins

“Hey, you got anything that comes in a matching pair? It’s my best friend’s birthday coming up and I can’t think of what to get him for the life of me, but he’s like a brother to me, I gotta find something! So I was thinking some sort of sentimental thing? One for me and one for him?” You said to the muscular man that was sitting on the other side of the makeshift table listening to what you want to buy.

He looks around his garage that’s cluttered with random items that have seen better days, then his eyes stop on two snapback hats that have the same black and red design. They are a bit dusty, but you can see that they are in good condition. “Hmm, I can only think of few items here that are match in design, but maybe this one,” He says as he picks up the hats and blows off the dust from them.

The muscular man handed you the 2 snapbacks. “I absentmindedly bought two the same design from way back. I’m willing to sell this to you in just 5 dollars both, I have included some discount as a birthday gift also to your best friend.” He smiles and handed the snapback to you.

You couldn’t believe your luck. A matching set of hats, almost brand new, for only 5 bucks? That’s what you call a steal! Your eyes widened as you handed over the crumpled bill, feeling the excitement bubble up inside of you. "Really wow, I've got myself a deal!" You exclaimed, giving him a hearty thumbs up. He chuckled, looking slightly amused by your enthusiasm, but you didn't care. This was going to be the perfect gift.

You took one last admiring glance at the snapbacks, it's black having matching design. "Wow, thank you so much, sir!" You beamed, your voice full of gratitude. You couldn't wait to see the look on your best friend's face when he opens the present. You pocketed the hats and dashed out of the garage, the excitement in your stride making you feel like you could run a marathon.

As you walked home, the warm sun beating down on your head, you decided to try one of the hats on. It fit snugly, the cool fabric feeling surprisingly comfortable against your skin. But as you looked down at your reflection in a nearby car window, something peculiar happened. Your vision grew hazy, like someone had thrown a fine mist over your eyes.

The sounds of the street grew distant, and suddenly, you are at a gym and you saw a figure standing beside you. It was a muscular man, flexing his arms. You blinked, but the image remained. You reached up to touch your forehead, wondering if you were hallucinating from the heat, but as your hand came into view, you realized with a start that the man beside you was a muscular twin of yours. You asked his name and he replied to you with the name of your best friend. You got confused as it is definitely not your best friend's face.

The muscular twin looked over to you and grinned, flexing his bicep in a show of strength.

"You look like you've seen a ghost," your muscular twin said, snapping you out of your daze. You glanced down at your hands, now large and powerful, and felt the urge to flex them. You obeyed the impulse, and sure enough, your forearms bulged with muscles that looked like they could crush a watermelon. You followed the new contours of your arms up to your biceps, which now resembled the rolling hills of a majestic mountain range, veins pulsing like rivers through the valleys of your muscles.

Your eyes widened in amazement as you took in the rest of your body. Your triceps had taken on the distinct shape of a horseshoe, each bulge pronounced and powerful. It was as if someone had sculpted you from clay, adding muscle where there was once only skin and bone. You couldn't help but marvel at the sheer size of your shoulders, which now felt like boulders beneath your fingertips. You rotated your arms, feeling the weight and the power that came with them. "This is… insane!" you murmured to yourself, still in shock.

As your hands traveled upwards, your fingertips grazed the base of your neck, and that's when you felt it - the unmistakable swell of your trapezius muscles. They bulged out, creating a formidable frame around your neck. You had never felt so… so powerful, so invincible. The snapback hat on your head now felt like a crown, a symbol of this newfound strength.

You muscular twin leaned in closer, his eyes glinting with mischief. "Bro, are you okay?" he asked. "You're touching yourself like you've never seen muscles before." You tried to ignore him, but his question only served to amplify your confusion. What was happening to you? Was this some kind of trick the hat was playing on you, or a side effect of the heat?

With trembling fingers, you reached up to your chest, expecting to feel the familiar softness of your own body. But instead, your hands encountered two firm mounds of muscle that felt like beach balls strapped to your torso. You gave them an experimental squeeze, and to your astonishment, they bounced back. "What the…" you murmured, your voice now a deep rumble that resonated through your new body.

Your gaze shifted down to your stomach, expecting to see the usual rolls that accompanied every deep breath, but instead, you found yourself staring at a washboard of abs. You traced the lines with your fingertips, each ridge as firm and defined as if it had been chiseled by an artist. You had never seen anything like it, let alone felt it. Your muscular twin was watching you with an amused smirk, clearly enjoying the shock and awe etched across your face.

As you continued to explore, you looked down at your legs. The workout shorts you had been wearing now clung to your thighs, which bulged with power, each muscle group clearly defined. You could see the fabric straining ever so slightly with every flex, a testament to the sheer mass you have. Your calves looked thick and strong. It was as if you'd been lifting weights your whole life, but you'd never even stepped foot in a gym.

Curiosity piqued, you reached back to feel your butt. To your astonishment, it felt like you were cupping two pillows. Each cheek was firm yet yielding, the perfect blend of power and comfort. You couldn't help but smirk at the absurdity of the situation. You wiggled your hips slightly, watching the muscles ripple beneath your skin, and felt a strange sense of pride.

Your muscular twin chuckled. "Dude, seriously, you can't get enough of your body?" His voice was a blend of your own, but with a cocky edge that you'd never heard before. You looked around, realizing that you were indeed standing in front of a mirror in the gym. The smell of sweat and iron filled your nostrils as you took in the sight of gleaming workout equipment and posters of bodybuilders adorning the walls.

Embarrassed, you quickly averted your gaze from your reflection, but the damage was done. Your twin had a point; you were ogling your new form with the same enthusiasm you'd reserve for a celebrity crush. You felt a flush creep up your neck, but the feeling of power was too exhilarating to ignore. Before you knew it, your arms were flexing in a double bicep pose.

The sound of your own voice, deeper and more confident than ever before, filled the room. "Damn bro, I'm hot!" You said, unable to hold back the grin that stretched across your face. The muscles in your neck and shoulders tensed and bulged, creating an intimidating frame for your grin. Your twin winked and gave a thumbs up, seemingly approving of your swagger like it is just a normal day for him.

He leaned closer. "Of course, bro, we're the unstoppable twin brothers," he said with a laugh, flexing his biceps. "Twin brothers?" you questioned, your voice still unfamiliar to your ears. "What do you mean by that?"

"Bro, come on, don't you remember?" Your twin brother's eyes searched yours, filled with a camaraderie that was eerily familiar. "We've always been twin brothers, two peas in a pod. We decided to hit the gym together, to push each other to be our best selves. And now look at us, muscle gods in the making!"

You nodded, the fog in your mind slowly lifting as you began to accept the absurd reality presented to you. The bond with your twin brother was something you cherished deeply. You'd always had a competitive streak, pushing each other to be better, and the results were undeniable. The mirror reflected not one, but two of you, both grinning and flexing like champions.

The memories of countless hours spent in the gym flooded back, the sweat, the grunts, the smell of chalk and victory. You remembered the days when you'd just started, the struggle to even lift the barbell, and how your twin had been there, spotting you, encouraging you. You woke up, you are back again in the streets but something is different.

You looked down at your outfit. Gone were the baggy tees and loose shorts you'd been wearing earlier, replaced with a tight-fitting shirt that clung to your newfound muscles like a second skin, and a pair of shorts that highlighted the powerful thighs beneath them. The snapback hat was still perched on your head, but now it looked like it belonged, like it was a part of your very essence. Your mind was different, it's like the personality and life of yourself in your daydream was put into your mind and replaced your identity.

You could feel the determination coursing through your veins, pumping with the same rhythm as your newfound strength. The mission was clear: you had to give your best friend the other snapback hat and make him a part of this transformation. The thought of the two of you as a muscular twin brothers was too enticing to resist.

The day of his birthday party arrived, and you were nowhere to be found. You'd been preparing for this moment, waiting for the perfect time to reveal your gift. Your heart raced as you watched from the shadows, waiting for the moment when your friend would open the box containing the snapback. The party was in full swing, the air thick with the smell of barbecue and the sound of laughter and music.

When he finally unwrapped the hat that was gifted by you, his eyes lit up with confusion before shifting to a tentative smile. He held it up to his head, inspecting the black hat. "Thanks, man," he said, turning it over in his hands. "But where are you?" His voice was filled with a hint of sadness that you hadn't anticipated.

But as soon as he pulled the hat over his blonde hair, everything changed. His body began to spasm, his muscles grew at an alarming rate, ripping through the fabric of his shirt and pants like they were made of paper. His skin stretched taut over the new muscles, veins popping out like a map of uncharted territories across his biceps, forearms, and chest. You watched in awe, your heart racing as the transformation unfolded before your eyes. The party continues, it was if the people can't see what was happening to your best friend.

His eyes widened in shock and a bit of pain, but he remained silent, his jaw clenched as if he could somehow hold back the overwhelming power surging through him. His cheekbones grew more prominent, his nose more aquiline, contorting to look like yours. It was like watching a caterpillar become a butterfly, except it was happening in a matter of seconds and with a soundtrack of fabric tearing.

The partygoers continued their conversations, oblivious to the monumental transformation happening right beside them. The music and chatter grew distant as the intensity of his change grew stronger, like the whole world was muffled by a thick fog, and all that existed was the two of you. The only indication of the chaos within him was the tremor in his hands, which grew steadier as the hat's power took hold.

The last of his clothes gave way with a final, dramatic rip, revealing a body that was a mirror image of yours. His blonde hair had morphed into a sleek black mane that framed his new, angular features.

As the dust of his transformation settled, your best friend blinked, looking around the room as if seeing it for the first time. The panic in his eyes was replaced with a vacant stare, and for a moment, you feared you had made a mistake. But then, something clicked into place, and his eyes refocused, a smirk playing on his lips. The hat had not just changed his appearance; it had also changed his essence, turning him into your twin brother in every conceivable way.

The room around you blurred, and suddenly, the party scene shifted. The garish streamers and balloons that had been scattered around for your best friend's birthday were replaced with more sophisticated decorations. The faces of the people around you morphed into those of your actual family members and friends, who had all gathered to celebrate the two of you. You realized with a start that the party was now in your honor as well, a celebration of the bond that you and your twin brother shared.

[revelboo]

love your stuff so much, you bless us day after day with such wonderful writing... and lately there's been moments of multiple bots daydreaming about making babies with their human mates and that really got my gears turning... that's my kink!! i can't help but want to worldbuild around justifying it!!

so i wanted to share my thoughts on how a transformer could babytrap his squishy lover: nanites build things, right? so if they repair the wear & tear of the human body, what if they can also take advantage of a partner with the necessary hardware for gestation if there's, ahem, enough regular injections of fluid... maybe it's an adaptation for colonizing and cyberforming other planets, breeding out the original inhabitants that way, or maybe it's an astronomical coincidence unique to human biology and this discovery shifts the entire tone of how cybertronians interact with them. which do you prefer?

I might have some ideas on that… Happy New Year

Everything Is Alright Pt 100

IDW Starscream x Reader, Soundwave x Reader, Megatron x Reader

• No longer restricted to feeling only your emotions or quick flashes of images, Soundwave can see you. All of you. And can feel you drifting through him. Avoiding him when he reaches for you. Denying him. Chasing after you, drawn desperately by the warmth and brightness of you, he’s aware of a duller, less distinct shape shadowing you. Knows it’s the vestiges of your existing bond with Starscream, the form enough like the Seeker even as it isn’t quite right. A different frame, but he recognizes that crackling animosity every time he almost catches you only to have you slip thought his servos.

• Drowning in Soundwave’s memories, his need, you’re dimly aware of Starscream yelling, his fury and worry lashing at you through the bond. Of Soundwave’s hips rocking against you, his spike stroking deep. Of him reaching for you again and again. Wanting to submit, but every time he gets close, a jangling, desperate terror you don’t understand sends you fleeing. Wanting him, but worried even though you can’t figure out why, feeling like you’re in danger even though you trust him.

• Your distress hurts him, that ungrounded fear of him tearing at his spark. Because you don’t really think he’d harm you, he can feel that. So why? That shadow of Starscream curls more firmly around you as he reaches again, unable to stop himself. And finally overtakes you, dragging your light to himself and claiming it, feeling Starscream’s bond prickle through him, all resentment, hate, and fear and he claims that, too. Knowing there’s no way to separate you from it. And both of you rush into him, seeing all of you and the Seeker even as you curl into yourself, trying to keep something hidden.

• Wanting nothing more than to relax into the warmth and belonging of Soundwave, that unconscious fear is still there, making you struggle as he coaxes at you. Wrapping himself more firmly in you, overwhelming you with his life. With flashes of memory and emotion until you submit to him. Feel him washing into you, nothing hidden or secret. And also feeling when he hesitates. His realization becoming your own.

• “You son of a glitch,” Starscream seethes, servos flexing. Unable to just yank Soundwave off of you because he doesn’t know what abruptly severing the bond will do to you. If it might harm you and unwilling to risk it. Then you make a noise, lips parting as Soundwave shudders and lifts up slightly, ending the connection himself. Stray tendrils of spark energy reaching as Soundwave closes the panels around his spark and gathers you to him. Watching you press your face into his neck as Soundwave stares at him, furious. “Give me my mate. Now.”

• Venting raggedly, Soundwave awkwardly sits up, keeping you in his lap as you lay against him, heart racing. Because what he’d felt, what you’d been unconsciously protecting? It shouldn’t have been possible. No more possible than spark bonding without a spark. Hand cupping the back of your head, he catches Starscream’s wrist when he tries to take you from him. Ruthlessly digging through the Seeker’s mind before letting go to send Starscream stumbling back, furious. Because the Seeker doesn’t know what he did. Has no idea. “Our mate,” Soundwave snarls protectively. Their mate who somehow has a very fragile, newly formed, and wholly impossible spark entangled in themself. Hand sliding against your spine as you tremble, he knows you know now. That you knew the moment he did through the bond. “With sparkling,” he says, because sooner or later, no matter how self obsessed and oblivious the Seeker is, he’s going to figure it out himself and he feels you cringe.

Previous

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[shininguponthestars]

figurin out how i wanna draw da bizzyboyz! the other guy is under the cut + a lineup. spoilers i guess

i had to size capo down a bit for the lineup. i think hes shorter than everyone, just to kind of drive in the whole "i dont fit in" thing. also cuz i think its just funny.

my goal was mainly to give them as distinct shapes that i could really. colors help too but like. for example i wanted patty to be real stout and softer, while bananathaniel is tall because hes bananashaped. capo is fat because i said so. alexei is fat because im projecting and also his thing is food i guess but thats less of a contributing factor. vib is vib. grujaja is really nervous theres so many sights and oh god hes been so UNDERSTIMULATED and its just too much and--

they all get a heart motif to match inspektas! their heart is in their team. had to give hector the shitty dr heart ahoge- i hate it as much as you do, dont worry.

they all had the same base colors, just with another color kinda smeared on. except hector, his color was lightened! patty's got the og base colors :-) shes the blueprint

anyways. this was real fun! started as silly little sketches then realized that i really liked em so i took em to rendering. while drawing this i watched a friend beat ggg for the first time too!

[enteroctopusdarkysilis]

✨More Clones Brickheadz !✨

Since I acquired the Small Cody (40675), I found that there was an untapped mine. Why would they only make one ? Well. I don't have an answer to that, but I decided to take matters into my own one; so behold : 11 more. I went mostly for commanders here, but then I went a bit astray and so I added some captains to the mix.

In order, row by row :

Tukk (Not cannon but the colours are so beautiful)/Vaungh (died too soon-)/Rex (obviously)/Fordo (I did Rex, so I had to)

Gree/Doom/Thorn/Neyo

Bly/Cody/Fox/Wolffe

It was a really fun project, and I hope to do more of them in the future - maybe even phase 1s, some day~); supposedly not commanders because I did most of them (except Bacara, I know...The helmet was too tough).

And because I really like challenges, if you want to see another clone turned into one of these (Be it cannon or one of your ocs) feel free to send requests in my aksbox !)

Anyway this post is already far too long for anyone's dashboard, so closeups and details will be under the cut !

Let's start with the easy ones : Cody, Doom, Fox, Thorn

Obviously, Cody was easy, I just rebuilt the original one virtually - Nothing too hard. The printed pieces here are not the right ones, because Cody's are not available on STUDio yet, but the storm trooper ones were relatively similar, so I used these for most of these models. Of course, it means I'm lacking the sun bands, and a few other distinctive elements, but it works well enough for now.

Now, Doom is essentially a colour variation (minus a few antennas). I also used an old space piece, which has this big yellow arrow printed on it. I's not exactly what Doom has, but I feel like it's close enough for a first attempt.

Then, Fox is relatively similar to Doom, but with two DC-17s. I also moved the printed torso brick up to get that red line he has.

Thorn works in a similar way to Cody too, except I removed both accessories on the side of the helmet. I also added this tile with diagonal lines to figure the wings he has. One day I'll slap some real wings on there, but I haven't found the right image yet. I also gave him a Z-6, obviously. I really like it, so I might actually make that one physically, because the way it's build (with old binocular pieces) is pretty nice; although I doubt the pieces are available in black.

Moving on to two captains : Vaughn and Tukk !

Admittedly, not really that different either, except for one thing : I learnt to do custom prints now ! Yay ! Well, these are really basic : the blue line for Vaughn, and some trapezoids for Tukk's helmet (which are, indeed, not visible here - shame, I spent so long making these fit). The Ahsoka pattern was already in STUDio (because Ahsoka already has her own brickheadz, which I'll get my hands on someday~)

I must also add that having some cyan in this whole thing added some much needed colours in here, I'm grateful some people give their clones amazing colours (If somehow someone doesn't know who Tukk is, well just check High Ground Animation. Right now. It's really cool, trust me). Anyway.

As for design changes, I modified the faces slightly by adding 1x1 tiles, to allow for different colours variations on the face. It makes them look slightly blockier, but given the overall size of the head, it doesn't do much.

I also gave Vaughn a DC-15A. It's a bit messy, but it works out well enough. Past me forgot to render it, so here is a raw, in-software picture of it (from Fordo(s hand, but it's the same design for both) :

BARC helmets ? Wolffe, Fordo, Neyo

As I've been told, these look a bit wonky, and I'll admit its wasn't exactly easy, but in my defence, it's relatively hard to get such round shapes with bricks (lego cheated by adding the visor). Anyway, given that doing that with a printed piece was out of the question, I tried to replicate the filter's shape with actual bricks, and I used a printed piece which, technically, is Lando's moustache, but downward. I'd say it does the job relatively well.

I also added a rangefinder to Wolffe, which is a little big compared to everyone else's antennas, but It's still relatively to scale with the head itself. No custom prints for him (not sure where I would find the correct pattern images ?), but I've done it for Fordo and Neyo. Fordo obviously has his well deserved Jaig eyes (and who knew it would be that difficult to find a picture of that on internet ?), and Neyo has his symbol on the helmet, chest plate, and the shoulder not shown here.

The really tinkered ones : Gree, Bly, Rex :

Here, it was a matter of trials and errors to figure out just how to get the shapes right.

I actually started with Bly, by removing the previous visor and adding the macrobinoculars first, then I tried to shape the helmet around. Truth is, it doesn't make sense technically : the two separated parts of the helmet do not connected at all, if you remove the equipment. Luckily, no one has to know that.

Next is Gree. It took me some time to figure out how to properly get a round feel, but I feel like it's as good as I can make it like this. Colour-wise, it was surprisingly difficult to find how to balance the different shades of green, and equally hard was to figure out which silvery colour would render well in STUDio. The answer lied, as it always does, in Bionicle. Of course, none of these pieces exist in this colour, but it's not really my main problem (because none of the coloured printed pieces exist either).

Finally, Rex...He gave me some trouble, I have to admit. Firstly, the part-designing software decided to have some trouble with custom prints, which was problematic, because I simply couldn't do Rex without jaig eyes (and Fordo already had his). Then, I started with Gree's base and tried to go from there to fit Rex's custom helmet. I ended up using Boba Fett's printed visor piece for Rex, because these were all triangles. I also got rid of the printed chest piece and used some black plates to simulate the pouch he has; while also adding a a few more custom printed pieces for the arms and pauldron (barely visible, but they're here. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I don't see much other solutions than more and more custom prints, which isn't my goal, so it'll stay like that for now.

Anyway, that's way too much rambling for one post, so I'll just end by saying that next week I'll post an alt version of this whole build [here !], with some 'slight' colour alterations. Definitely nothing big.

[ghouljams]

weird question, but for anyone you write for, what's your fave physical feature of theirs to write about? Or a fave hc for appearance? Since there's a couple (>.> mr. riley ) that give us nothing to go off of. Off the top of my head i really really like Nikto's eyes, Soap's lil pouty/ angry face he makes, Simon's biggness (and his big brown eyes), Gaz's body (he looks like a model and i just wanna stare at him all day), Price's voice and i hc König as having a roman nose :3

Oh I absolutely have some opinions on this.

For Ghost it's definitely his scars. Personally I think he has one cutting through his lips, perhaps even adding an extra opening you can see his teeth through. The sort of absolutely striking feature that stops you dead on the street and forces you to take in the whole man, but somehow doesn't take away from the rest of his attractive features. Either that OR I love writing about his eyes. They're the one part of Ghost that we reliably see and they feel incredibly expressive to me, so I love writing about them.

Similarly I live for Gaz's beautiful brown eyes. They're just so soulful and he truly wears his heart on his sleeve with the way they sparkle. You can't tell me that man doesn't know how to work his puppy dog eyes to get what he wants. Also his lips. His mouth in general. The way he speaks, the way he shapes vowels, is just absolutely captivating. He feels so deliberate with the way he speaks and it's so striking the way he's able to emote with just a flash of those eyes and a quirk of his mouth. I could go on.

For Soap I'm going to take a slightly different approach and say that his brows are so strong they're hard to ignore. His eyes get a nice shadow from his brow bones and it makes the blues look more intense. Also I love how the animators have no clue how done his brows should be so he just swings wildly between chunky bushy brows and perfe try sculpted brows. It is my unspoken yet favorite headcanon that Soap gets his brows threaded.

Price... hm. Price is a little hard because his more recognizable trait is his beard, but I would know him by that tight lip crinkle eyed smile alone. The man really has distinctive facial expressions. The smile would give him away immediately if he were trying to do anything covert. I love writing about his smile because it feels so him. It's incredibly guarded and a little patronizing, like he doesn't want to smile but he's stooping to your level to do it. Idk I love it.

For Nikto, yeah it's his eyes. Same reasons as with Ghost, I think there's just so much clarity of emotion in them that it's hard to say they aren't the most fun part to write. I live for men that can only express through the dilation of their pupils. Go girl give us nothing.

[zvezdacito]

Ranking Malleus's Valentines Messages from 2021-2024🔥

People finally got the 2024 ones so I decided to make a list like this. Mostly based off which ones have both the most interesting contents and which ones are the sweetest(?) in a sense to Yuu lol. Terminal Malleyuu brain + and I mean they are Valentines cards after all.

Going from least to most personally favored:

4th: 2023

Text: "To my dear friend-

Thank you. Never did I envision someone presenting me with the gift of sweet treats. It would be a shame for me to eat them all by myself. I think I'll share them with you. Would you be willing to provide the tea to go with them?"

Very broadly friendly and nice I guess, but the message of the text is basic and the design of the letter card is also kinda basic🥀 like tbh if you changed the color of this card you could mistake this for something Riddle wrote instead. The ones for this year really just felt like they ran out of ideas and gave up, this is the only one on this list I can say I definitely don't really like that much

3rd: 2022

Text: "To my good friend-

A gift? For me, of all people? Your tastes are...distinctive, I must say. Worry not, though- I enjoyed it, of course. What would you like in return, I wonder? I shall take great pleasure in speculating the answer to that question."

Definitely more interesting than the 2023 one and his personality really comes out in the writing here. Though because of how his closeness to Yuu is characterized here I now feel like it would make more sense if this was the first card and the 2021 was the second one, since if you take the cards to be written in a chronological timeline it kinda feels like Malleus's closeness to Yuu regressed out of nowhere

Not saying people can't change or grow apart later on, but here it kinda has the vibe that he straight up hasn't met them much yet so its as if this was earlier into their relationship. Basically feels if Book 3-4 Malleus got the gift, while 2021 is like Book 6 and onwards Malleus getting the gift.

I really like this one both for the yuu crumbs and it's characterization of Malleus himself, but it's number 3 simply by default of me personally liking the next two more. The gap between it and 2023 is huge😭

2nd: 2024

Text: "To my good friend-

Thank you for your gift. Hmm... This fragrance is meant for pleasure and relaxation? What a tasteful choice. I rather like it; perhaps I shall take more of an interest in these things. You would be welcome to pay me a visit, by the way, should you feel so inclined. I would enjoy sharing an old tale or two."

These are probably the most fun design for the letter cards so far. I think after last year (the 2023 one) they realized they really did run out of ideas for box shaped letters lol.

In general I just like the very sweet and casual friendship implied in this card. As usual he is doing everything in his power to invite Yuu to his place at any given opportunity. Cute how when they hang out they'll tell each other chismis stories, and that Malleus is gonna commit to getting into something just because Yuu gifted it to him. TLDR he's very comfortable around Yuu here that's awesome

1st: 2021

Text: "Dearest,

My thanks for such a truly wonderful present. It is only fitting that I should give you something in return. How about the gift of beauty? Perhaps the gift of song? Or... Well, never mind. Just a joke based on the legends, you know. I shall give you something I picked out myself."

I don't really think anything will ever fully top this one tbh. The greeting just being "Dearest" was so powerful they had to pull bro to the side and tell him to tone it down for the next 3 years🥀

The "gift of beauty song or..." lines can be taken as just him being 3 seconds away from jumping to smooch Yuu (given in the movie the last gift was true loves kiss related after maleficent cursed the baby) which is honestly kinda funny. Down bad /j

Ok back to the main point and minus speculations. This is tied with the 2024 one with showing how close and comfortable (shown by how forward and playful he is here no concern of maintaing image or such) this point of his relationship with Yuu is. This is also the card where he feels the most excited and energetic I guess which is why it's still my overall favorite. Displex had no choice contain the raw Malleyuu power in this one to avoid bias accusations idk

If you want to read into it more I think it's also kinda funny that this could lowkey be taken as him saying we suck at singing/look ugly. And the reason he stopped before revealing the last line is because he realize the joke had already come off as insulting to a human not familiar with the Briar Valley even if his intention was just to be playful as friends do.

Although that would be consistent with the characterization of Malleus as being honest if anyone's performance in something (even Yuu from what we see in voicelines) is lackluster.

He is constructive tho. In these same voicelines usually offers to help teach them to get better and acknowledging it as a feat/compliment itself when they slightly improve, instead of the fanon characterization (usually for masterchef comics) that once he finds out Yuu is behind something he will autonomatically just see it as good quality already.

So yeah idk that's nice and awesome

↑ Drive compiling of the rest of the 2024 Valentines letter pics I found on twitter. There's still some characters missing + trying to look for a clearer picture of the Malleus one lol

[tibbycaps]

Do you know have any tips on how to draw a comic? As in simple style and easy to draw and consistent in redraw? I love your style and I can't help but wonder how you got here and if you could help. Thank you

okay sorry i left this in the inbox for a bit because. where to start lol! there's a lot of thought that can go into making comics i think. but i believe you're specifically asking about having a consistent art style and being able to draw the same character a lot over and over again, so i'll try to focus on that

i think a lot of consistency is just playing around with character designs and getting something you feel comfortable with. ill use grian as a good example because it took me a while to come up with a grian design that i liked. once i liked it, i was able to draw my grian a lot & very consistently. every time you draw a character, even if it's a little doodle, you gain that muscle memory for ur lines a little better, so you should doodle always as much as you can and never be afraid to try something new and experiment with your style

the pipeline

i think a good way to establish a character design that you really like to draw & can familiarize yourself with is by defining some key features about them. like in this image for example, my older grian designs don't really have anything about them that stands out to me. he wasn't rlly that fun to draw. but nowadays i think i have a distinct hairstyle & expression & glasses shape i give him, which are fun to draw. even if it's a tiny doodle with like, 15 strokes, you can still identify it as my grian design i think

something that i noticed (i didn't consciously do this but it just sort of happened as i was trying to make them all look different from one another) is that i assign different shapes to grian, cub and scar. these guys are good examples because 1. they're the three characters in my hotguy comics part and 2. they're the three guys i draw the most often

grian i tend to go for more rounded shapes, cub more squares/rectangles, and scar is more pointy and triangular. little things like this can help them stand out from one another and makes them fun to draw in my opinion. when i draw grian's hair i always have the hair come to a rounded point and is more neat/tidy. when i draw scar the hair is more spiky and wild. cub is sort of in the middle where his hair is more pointy, but is kept neat, which gives it those straight lines and right angles

TL;DR how i draw characters easily and consistently is make key features & shapes that make them fun to both draw & look at. and then draw them a lot

i hope that makes any sense, i like yapping about character design so hope you don't mind the long response lol ^_^

[seospicybin]

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART I

Changbin x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle masterlist

Synopsis: You and Changbin become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (14,5k words)

Author's note: I chose Changbin because it's cuffing season and now we got a reason to get a big boy, I want a big boy oh.... ifykyk

"Oh, this is so beautiful!" You sigh in amazement at the beautiful view of the beach.

You turn your head to the beautiful blond girl you're holding hands with, Sabine and it feels nice to be the first one to enter the villa with her.

"Oh, my Gosh!" She gasps, looking as amazed as you.

There are two small round tables with bottles of chilled wine inside the bucket of ice. Sabine takes one bottle and manages to pop it open without hassle.

You hurriedly take two champagne flutes and hold them as she pours the bubbly wine, she squeals as she almost overfills them.

"Cheers!" You both exclaim with your glasses clinking against each other.

Sabine gasps after taking a long sip and looks at you, "You're really pretty," she says.

Who doesn't like hearing a compliment especially when it comes from a beautiful person?

"You too," you say back with a cheeky smile.

"I see that you pierced your nipple," she says, easily spotting your pierced nipple through your blue bikini.

"Yes. I like them," you show her the piercings you have on both of your ears.

"That's really cool!"

"I did them myself," you proudly tell her.

Sabine gasps at that, "You're wild!"

Well, it's something you often hear people say about you, that you're wild and probably have been that way ever since you knew boys.

-

YOU: I'm the main character of my life, not a secondary one. I have a lot to give [winks] so bring me men, bring me women, bring me whatever. I hate rules and I do not follow them. I'm a little crazy [laughs] I'm not here to fall in love. I'm here to have fun.

-

"Wait, I'm picking up an accent here," you notice that Sabine is carrying an accent in the way she speaks.

She swallows her wine before saying, "I'm French."

"Oh, la la!" You playfully say with a nudge on her shoulder.

Sabine has that blue eyes that slowly drowns you in them and she knows how to use them as a form of seduction.

"Stop staring at me like that, you're so hot," you tell her while fanning yourself.

She laughs in satisfaction, "I got the feeling that you're open to anything."

You allow yourself to look at her small, heart-shaped face and her ski slope nose with a nose ring on the left nostril, there's no doubt that you can easily vibe with her.

"I am," you shortly confirm.

She gives you the eyes again and flashes you a flirty smile, "We're going to have so much fun then," she raises her glass for another toast.

If they leave you two alone for another minute, you're sure you would be kissing her already but fortunately, the next guest enters the villa.

"Okay, he's cute," Sabine comments while holding her glass close to her mouth.

First, this guy is so tall and he has that dirty blond hair that he keeps brushed to the back.

"Hello," he greets both of you with a bright smile.

He stands between the two of you to introduce himself, "I'm Oliver."

"I'm Sabine," she introduces herself as they exchange a quick hug.

As he turns to hug you, you hurriedly introduce yourself to him. You hand him a glass next and Sabine fills it for him.

"Where are you from?" Sabine asks.

"Guess where I'm from!" He dares you with a sly smile.

His distinct accent is not hard to guess, "Australia?"

"Yeah, but I've been living in the US," he adds, then takes a sip of his drink.

"My ex is Australian so I know," you mindlessly share.

That gets Oliver's head turned at you, "So, you're into Australians?"

"Sometimes, yeah," you give him a vague answer just to amuse him.

That seems to work wonderfully as he has his eyes on you until he realizes that he has another girl to pay attention to.

"You guys look gorgeous by the way," he says as he takes a step back just to check out the two of you.

"Oh, thank you!" Sabine says with a bashful smile.

"Anyway, what are you looking for in this show?" You ask him out of curiosity.

"I'm here to have a damn good time, honestly," he answers with a grin.

"Yes! Cheers to that!" Sabine says, initiating another toast by lifting her glass in the air.

-

YOU: They're so hot. I can definitely have a good threesome with them [laughs]

-

Changbin has no pressure whatsoever to be the last one to enter the villa.

He has so many things to offer more than just his looks. He's a confident man, he knows what he wants, and a great conversationist. A fair warning though, those good qualities are followed by a short fuse. Let's hope no one is having intentions to spark that fuse.

Changbin takes pride in being dominant but he balances it with his loyalty. He may be a casual dater but he never cheated on his partners or led them on when he has no interest in taking the relationship further.

In other words, whoever gets to be with him is lucky.

With the mindset that he owns this show already, Changbin steps into the villa, walking in confident strides that match his smoldering eyes.

If he thinks that he's it, then everyone would believe that he is it and Changbin feels like he owns this place already.

His presence demands attention and all eyes are on him, looking at him with eyes that are either curious or impressed.

"Hello there, big boy!" One of the girls greets him rather enthusiastically.

She introduces herself right away to him with a cheek kiss, "I'm Niamh."

"Changbin," he tells her his name and proceeds to introduce himself to the other guests.

All of the males are taller and more good-looking than him but he has all the girls' attention on him. See? It's not about looks, it's about how he carries himself.

"I'm just going to be honest, you're so my type," the other girl says to him.

"Yeah?" Changbin asks with a cocky smile.

"Yeah," she answers.

He believes her name is Riley and she is a gorgeous brunette with legs for days.

"Come over here then and have a drink with me," he says, leading her to the other table and popping a new bottle of champagne open.

-

CHANGBIN: I have a strong personality. I need someone to match me, I like them wild just so I can tame them [smiles] A look can say it all [flexes biceps] I put my whole body in the game so there's no reason to look at me and not want me right? [seductively smiles]

-

You didn't believe in love at first sight but today, when you saw those five guys walking into the villa, you fell in love five times in one day.

The last guy though, ooh, he exudes a strong aura, a charisma that you rarely find in men. Not to mention, he's big and muscular, you feel the urge to climb him like he was a tree.

Not wanting to make it obvious, you turn your body to the girl standing next to you, a Brazilian hottie, Rita.

"My god, he's delicious," you quietly whisper to her with an overwhelmed sigh.

Rita's eyes automatically search for the one you're talking about, "Who is?"

You glance at where he's standing, "Changbin."

"Who is Changbin?" She innocently asks.

You snicker in response and put your arm around her arm, it's convenient because she has a petite yet toned body.

"You're just one clueless baby, aren't you?"

For now, he's occupied by Riley as she keeps filling his glass with more wine but you can see that he's not that interested in her.

Frankly, you have more to offer to him.

-

YOU: Changbin... The things I want to do to that man. Ugh! [groans]

-

The first stop on the tour of the villa is the bedroom and everyone is excited at the number of beds in the room. There are ten of them and only six beds in the room, everyone has to pair up or they can choose to sleep alone on the bed.

Changbin has a plan to get himself a bed partner soon but he doesn't want to be hasty about it. He considers himself lucky that he's been getting the eyes from a couple of girls but he's curious about one girl and that's you.

Frankly, you're just as attractive as the others but you have this charm that inexplicably attracts him, making him want to get to know you more.

He sees you sitting at the end of a bed and decides to sit next to you.

"Where are you going to sleep?" He asks.

You lean back on the bed with your hands propped against the mattress, "I don't know," you answer with a cheeky smile.

"Where do you think should I sleep?" You ask him back with your eyes staring deeply into his eyes.

This level of confidence, not only that he likes it, Changbin feels the need to match it.

"On these big arms," he answers while showing off his big, toned arms.

Catching you ogling at them, he uses it to his advantage to let you touch him, "Want to touch it?"

"I wouldn't say no to that," you answer with a sly smile.

Changbin quickly pumps his arm for a while to present you with his glorious biceps, "You can touch them now," he says.

Your hand flies to feel his muscles, "Oh, wow, that's hard," you say in awe.

"Is that hard enough for you?"

You let out a chuckle, "For now, yeah."

"I can pump it again for you," he jokingly offers.

Your hand glides up his arm and rests it on his shoulder, "Or I can pump it for you next time," you make a lewd joke.

He has to admit that you know how to make him hot and bothered and he's not the type that easily gets hot and bothered.

-

CHANGBIN: I'm going to keep my options open but I got a head start so now I just have to maintain it.

-

"So girls, if you have to pick one right now without thinking too much, who would you pick?" Niamh asks with a thick Irish accent.

The girls are all gathered in the firepit to talk about the boys and which one of them they fancy. Sabine gets to be the first to reveal her answer, she turns her head to look at the boys who are hanging out in the cabana.

"I don't know... can I just let them pick me?" Sabine says with a giggle.

That's easy for her to say since she's the most popular girl in the retreat, you bet half of the boys are talking about her right now.

"How about you, Rita?"

Rita is busy playing with her hair to pay attention to the conversation going around the space, "What?"

She happens to sit next to you so you put your hand on her knee to keep her engaged, "Is there anyone you fancy?"

"Oh, I like Liam," she says.

Nico is dark and tall and has a gorgeous smile, you can see why Rita is attracted to him. They would make a cute pair with their height difference.

"Oh, yeah, Liam is one hella piece of chocolate," you nod in agreement.

Rita breaks into laughter at your words, "I bet he'll melt in my mouth," she cheekily says.

Niamh looks at the girl sitting at the end of the sofa, "Riley?"

"I want to keep my options open but I got my eyes on Changbin," she answers.

Welp, there goes your competition.

"You're not upset, right?" Riley thinks you wouldn't catch her throwing a glance at you but she's wrong to think that you'd feel threatened.

"Not at all," you calmly answer.

"Well, he's really hot," Riley shamelessly adds with a laugh.

"He is hot. Who disagrees?" You respond with a coy shrug.

-

YOU: If she feels like it, just do it. I'll do whatever I want but if someone tries to cut me off then... [blows kisses] bye-bye baby.

-

"Girls!"

Everyone's head turns to see Liam calling for them from across the swimming pool with the rest of the boys.

"Come, join us!" He says, inviting everyone for an impromptu pool party.

Not long after everyone gets into the water, they scatter to get some move on and you decide to wade your way to the side of the pool.

You have time to get your moves later and if someone snatched your guy away, it would be alright with you, you're here to have fun anyway.

Talking about fun, you see that you're about to get some.

It's hard not to notice that Changbin is making his way to you, his hands are wading in the water as he gets closer to you. With a hand pushed against the wall of the pool next to you, that leaves not much space between your bodies.

Changbin doesn't say anything but looks at you with a smile plastered on his face.

"You look shorter from a distance but you're actually quite tall," you tell him, even though he's only a couple of inches taller than you but men like it whenever a girl compliments their physique.

"Well, I'm huge," he simply says and he probably thinks you won't notice that he slowly closing the gap between your bodies.

Your eyes automatically look at the beads of water trickling down his arms and chest, you don't even try to keep it subtle while doing it.

"Yeah, I can see that," you tell him.

Changbin seems to like being ogled on, his mouth curls into a cocky smirk and it looks so damn attractive on him.

You look at him and brush your wet hair to the back, "How about me?"

"Very hot," he answers without a beat.

The way he eagerly answers you tell how much he's been waiting for you to ask him that, and you can't help but chuckle at it.

"A bit aggressive, okay..." you respond with a nod.

He rests another hand against the wall of the pool, caging you in between while closing another inch of space between your bodies.

"Why not?"

"Well, you could say I'm cute," you answer with your head tilted to the side while maintaining eye contact with him.

His hand moves to your side, holding you by your ribcage with his thumb teasing the elastic band of your bikini top.

"You're cute, you're gorgeous, you have good energy," he compliments you as he steals another inch to get closer to you.

"And you're really hot," he finishes with a flirty smile.

It's in the eyes and the words he said, he knows how to combine those two and turn them into a weapon.

You gently push him away but seeing how big he is, of course, it's a useless effort.

"You're bad, you're a smooth talker," you tell him with giggles.

He puts on a triumphant smile, "You can make me good," he says.

You look away to collect some senses into your head, not wanting to fall into his trap just yet. It's still early, you still want to explore your options.

"Not sure about that but do whatever you want," you tell him with a light head shake.

There comes the sly smirk on his face again, "So, I can do whatever I want, huh?" He says.

You keep your hand on his chest to stop him from coming closer, "Do whatever you want in your personal space," you correct your first remark.

There's no winning against him, Changbin takes another step to close the remaining gap between your bodies, "Well, I'm in your personal space now," he says with his face mere inches away from yours.

Your hand on his chest fails to stop him so you may as well use it to feel his firm muscles. You can feel you're slowly cracking under his intense, lustful gaze. You quickly look to the side and have nothing to say back to him.

He pushes his body against you and you can feel the heat his body emits even though you are both soaked in water. He then leans into the side of your face and whispers, "We're in a shared space now so what's going to happen?"

Changbin knows how to play this game, his eye, his words, and now his whole body is pushed against you, they're all moving under one powerful command and that is to conquer you.

He makes you forget about your surroundings and everyone can see what he's doing to you. You dare yourself to look at him and place your hands on his chest.

Still, you have nothing to say to him knowing that he'll use it against you.

"Come on," he says, getting bolder by putting his arm around your waist.

"Just a kiss," he mutters with his hot breath fanning your neck, not hesitating to kiss your neck afterward.

Oh, fuck, he's so confident and aggressive, the next thing you know, he'll be preying on you. You find it hard to resist him and can only lowly laugh at his persistence but what's the fun of giving him what he wants? This cocky boy needs to learn a little patience.

At once, you push him stronger than before, sending him a few steps back, and that way, you can escape him.

Changbin hits the water and it splashes over you, "Come back!"

You're only laughing at him as you're heading to the steps and before getting out of the pool, you look over your shoulder at Changbin, "Later!."

-

YOU: I can tell that this guy is going to give me a hard time.

-

Changbin wouldn't say that he failed, it's just that, you're a little tricky to win over.

He gets it that maybe it's just day one and you want to keep your options open, but he doesn't want to waste time.

Changbin dries himself off with a towel and then sits on the empty lounger.

"I see that you made your move, man," Liam says, sitting on the lounger next to him.

Changbin tosses his towel away and sits with his hands clasped in front of him, "Yeah, but you saw everything, she's acting like—"

"Just let it go, you know, go with the flow, let the gears spin," Liam cooly suggests.

If Liam still wants to go with the flow then that's his choice, but Changbin doesn't see why he should wait when he already knows what he wants and he wants you, there's no one else that catches his interest like you.

He can see that you have quite a fiery personality, you're passionate and forthright, and there's nothing fake about you. He senses that you're a little wild but he knows what to do about it.

"Frankly, I would hook up with all of the girls, they're all attractive," Changbin gives his honest opinion.

Liam nods in approval, his dark curly hair bouncing along with him.

"But she's the one that I can connect with more than the other," Changbin continues as he takes his water tumbler to take a sip.

"Yeah, you make a good match," Liam comments.

Changbin swallows his water before continuing to talk, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand after.

"I want to know whether it's mutual or not," Changbin says.

"Yeah, yeah," Liam nodding along to his words.

"If it's not then that's the way it is," Changbin finishes then takes another sip of water.

"Then go for it, man! Take control of the game!" Liam encourages him.

It doesn't get to him that he has indeed lost control of the situation. Liam is right and he knows exactly what to do.

Changbin should get back on his feet and call you to the game.

-

CHANGBIN: It's time to take control of the game [smirks]

-

Taking advantage of the empty dressing room, you decide to be the first one to shower and put on a new pair of bikini. After drying your hair, you think of putting on something over your bikini.

You're standing in front of your closet as you try to settle on your choice of clothing. Hearing footsteps coming toward you, you close the door of your closet to see who it is.

Knowing his personality, Changbin wouldn't stop until he gets what he wants so you kind of expect that he'll come for you again, but not this soon.

He leans the side of his body against the closet and looks at you, giving you the eyes without saying anything.

"Stop looking at me like that," you tell him with a chuckle.

He stays quiet but crosses his arms on his chest as his smile grows wider on his face.

You turn to face him and ask, "What do you want?"

"What do I want?" He asks you back because he knows that you know.

"Okay, you don't need to say it," you tell him and you can't escape him again, not this time.

He leans in close and sweetly asks, "Can I do it?"

You subtly roll your eyes at him, "Do you even have to—"

With or without your permission, he's going to kiss you anyway so you lean in first and let him do the rest.

The kiss is intense, like you can feel how much he wants it and at the same time, he wants to show you what he is capable of. He puts his arms around you before resting his back against the closet. With the strength he has, you're sure you can't easily escape him this time.

But boy, he knows how to kiss, he knows how to make you dizzy with the way he uses both his plush lips and slick tongue. He makes you feel like breathing isn't necessary, you just want to keep kissing him until you turn blue.

Driven by the desire, you find yourself pushing him against the wall and opening your mouth for him, a moan or two escapes your mouth in between kisses.

When your lungs feel like catching fire, you let go of the kiss but not without sucking on his lower lip first.

Changbin smirks, liking what you're doing to him and you expect no less than that.

You have him caged between your arms now as you catch your breath, looking at him with filthy thoughts in your head and you bet he thinks the same things too.

"I know what you're doing to me," he says.

Well, great minds think alike.

"Mmh? Yeah?" You let your breath brush his cheek.

You crack a laugh at how he stifles a breath as you put your whole weight against him, pressing onto his crotch.

"Are you laughing? How about I throw you onto that table, mmh?" He taunts you but that only gets you excited.

"Shh..." You shush him and press another kiss on his lips to shut him up.

You feel his hand glides down to your ass and fondles it as he deepens the kiss. It's so quiet in the room that you can only hear the smooching sounds of your kisses, it's good that no one comes into the dressing room and interrupts the two of you.

Changbin lets go of your lips to drag his mouth down your neck and kisses you there. You drop your hands around his shoulders, allowing him to bury his head in the crook of your neck.

With one slobbering kiss on the column of your neck, Changbin finally lets go.

"I'd better go," he says.

You giggle because not only that he doing the opposite of what he said, but he tightens his arms around you.

"I'm getting excited," he continues with a heavy sigh.

The growing bulge inside his swimming trunk is apparent and you can feel it without having to look at it, "Yeah, I feel it," you tell him.

Truthfully, you don't feel sorry for turning him on but you do feel bad for not taking responsibility for it. You take a step back to put a space between your bodies yet Changbin pulls you by the elbow to place a long peck on your lips and smiles when he pulls away.

It seems like you're already trapped in his charms but what's there to lose? You win big here.

-

YOU: I can't say it was bad because it wasn't. It was so fucking good [groans] I want more!

-

Excitement and jitters are mixed into one in the dressing room as everyone gets ready for tonight.

The excitement comes from everyone getting so hyped up for the first party in the villa while the jitters come from not knowing what the first quest will be.

"What do you think the first quest is?" Niamh asks while coloring her pale cheeks with pink blush.

You cluelessly shake your head, "I have no idea," you answer.

"As long as I don't have to hunt or skin animals, I'm good," Riley says with a laugh.

As for yourself, you feel good about tonight. You put on your best outfit, put make-up on and a thick coat of red lipstick.

The boys are already waiting as you and the other girls are coming to join them by the pool, everyone takes a drink served on the table along with trays of bite-sized food.

Everyone raises their glasses in the air to propose a toast.

"To a good time!" Liam leads the toast.

"To a good time!" Everyone repeats.

Sabine adds a high-pitched scream at the end of the toast as she clinks her glass with yours, sending the sweety alcoholic drink sloshing out of the glass and trickling down your wrist.

You laugh it off and sip your drink at the same time the music starts playing, kicking off the party with an upbeat song.

"Got you!" Someone says, holding you from the back.

From the size of his arms, you can tell who it is. You immediately turn around to face him and put your glass away, "be careful," you warn about the little incident you had earlier with your drink.

Ignoring your warning, Changbin takes your hand and places an open-mouthed kiss on your wrist, from there, he continues his trail of kisses upward, along your arm and stopping at your shoulder.

You giggle as he places a final kiss on your neck, "Put your drink away and dance with me," you say.

He obeys right away, putting his drink on the table nearby and back to putting his hands on your waist. The two of you dance with your foreheads pressed in the middle and your bodies slowly swaying against the fast-paced music.

It's either the weather or the proximity or the intensity of his stare, you find yourself feeling hot inside and out. You can feel a thin layer of sweat forming on your forehead.

Changbin drops his head into your neck and you feel him inhaling your scent.

"Do you like how I smell?" You playfully ask him.

He smiles against your neck and nods, "Smells heavenly."

You place a kiss on his jaw and get a quick sniff of his perfume. He smells of musk and citrus which is something that quite captures him as a person.

"You smell good too," you tell him with a smile.

The hand resting on the arch of your back moves up to the nape of your neck and you can easily guess what he's going to do next.

The second he starts leaning in, you close your eyes and feel his lips on yours the next second. The tongue that pries open your mouth, the hand taking a fistful of your hair and the other one that grips your waist only proves that his kiss is never just a kiss, it's passionate, deep, and hungry, and it consumes you whole.

Ultimately, he does it to show everyone that you're his.

You have to push him by the chest to stop kissing you as you're running out of breath, "I need to breathe, don't you think?"

Changbin responds with a shameless grin and draws you close again, not letting you get away from him.

You wipe the lipstick mark on his lips with your thumb only for him to kiss you again. You roll your eyes at him in response to that.

"It looks good on me so leave it," he coyly says to you.

You manage to dodge away as he's about to kiss you again and laugh at him while he pouts at you.

Changbin sure has a distinct charm that you rarely find in a guy.

You lean in this time and place a long peck on his plump lips, slowly forgetting about your surroundings and that you're filming a TV show.

The lights suddenly off in the villa and the music abruptly stops, everyone turns their heads to the source of lights remaining in the vicinity.

The staff leads everyone to the beach and not long after, you see a boat coming ashore. As everyone else is cheering, you feel a little nervous about it.

"Do you think it's the first quest?" Niamh asks from next to you.

The quests! It only sinks into you now that the show tells you that the guests have to do a series of quests to win the show.

After registering everything, you gasp in surprise, "Oh, my God!"

Someone is getting off the boat and you assume he's the host of the show, he takes a stand on the small platform propped on the sand.

"Welcome to Love Quest!" He starts.

Everyone is cheering and applauding, then Oliver comes out of nowhere and puts his arm around your shoulder, his cheeks are blushed from drinking.

"What do you think we'll do?" He asks the same question with Rita.

"No idea," you honestly tell him.

The host takes a look at everyone with a cryptic smile on his face, "What do you think the first quest is?"

"I don't know but I'll probably shit my pants," Riley answers with a laugh.

"Well, are you ready for it?" The host turns on his feet to look at the boat.

"Yes!" Everyone answers in unison, followed by more claps and cheers.

"Time to find out your first quest!"

Two people are carrying a box down the boat, from the way they carefully place it next to the host with a loud thud, you can tell how heavy it is.

The host holds the handle of the lid of the box and keeps his cryptic smile on his face.

"This is your first quest..."

-

YOU: Oh, my God! What is about to happen?

-

Changbin has no idea why everyone is shocked to see a cone rising out of the box.

It must have something to do with the quest right? But why does everyone have to be this devastated? It's just—

Standing next to him, Sabine asks, "Is this what I think it is?"

"What?" Changbin cluelessly asks her back because he's confused still.

"Oh, my God!" Sabine turns panic with her hand flying to cover her mouth.

He looks around and everyone is having similar reactions as Sabine, except him, he's the only one being utterly confused.

Changbin helps Sabine steadies herself and asks, "What? Tell me! What?"

Sabine turns her head at him to finally answer him, "This is too hot to handle."

What is that? He asks himself, going deeper into the pit of confusion. He's more curious as to why everyone is acting like it's the end of the world.

Then the cone chimes and lights up, startling him because he thinks that it's just an air freshener or a portable speaker, not an AI talking robot.

"As you can see, this is no longer Love Quest," Lana begins.

He looks to the side and notices you with your mouth hanging open.

"This is Too Hot To Handle," he cone announces.

"No!" Sabine groans, grabbing at Changbin's arm.

"That means no fun, ever!" She emphasizes every word with deep sorrow.

"You have been specially selected because all of you are having meaningless flings over genuine relationships."

"That's rude!" Niamh shouts at the cone.

While Oliver grins and agrees right away, "Not wrong at all!"

"Since your arrival, I have been gathering data on your wild behavior but from now on, you must adhere to my retreat rules."

Next to Sabine, Changbin sees Liam put his hands on each side of his head, looking upset. He catches him looking, then says, "Oh man, I didn't get to rub one out to like, you know, say goodbye."

Changbin has no idea what it's got to do with the rules or maybe...

"No kissing."

What? Changbin has kissed you so many times only to be told that he can't do it again?

"No heavy petting."

It starts to dawn on him why everyone reacted the way they were when the cone popped out of the box.

"No sex."

He gets why everyone acts like it's the end of the world because it's far worse than that.

"The rules also apply to self-gratification."

"Shit! Fuck!" Changbin curses out of reflex at the mention of it.

Not only that he can't do physical things to other people, he can't even touch his own body. Does that even make sense?

Sabine hits her head at Changbin's arm, "We're fucked!"

"As part of your social development, I have allocated a prize of $200,000," Lana announces.

"That changes everything," Liam comments

There's money on the line now and that motivates everyone to follow the rule and some people are cheering in excitement.

Well, the money sounds good but to earn it by refraining from any sexual practices for a month? That's kind of impossible for Changbin.

"Surely, we can spend a few grand," Oliver says with his arm around you.

Changbin allows him for now as he seems a little tipsy.

"No, man, no!" Liam quickly shuts him off, putting an end to his rebellious ideas.

"But we got 200k of them," Oliver says with a subtle grin.

Liam lightly shakes his head at him, "Oh, no, you're going to mess this up for all of us," he says, sensing troubles in what Oliver said.

Looking at Sabine, Changbin believes that Oliver is going to have a hard time not touching her. Then he looks at you and realizes that it's going to be hell for him too.

"Welcome to your long, hard, sexless summer!"

-

CHANGBIN: It's too late to back out right? [Clicks tongue] Guess we're going to go with it [sighs]

-

"That was a bad party," you groan, taking off your strappy heels as it's hard to walk on the sand in them.

Rita links her arm with you to walk back to the villa together, "How much do you think a kiss costs?"

"Two to three grand, I guess?" You wildly guess.

You're familiar with the show but never stayed long to pay attention to how the show works except that it doesn't allow you to get all kinds of sexual with each other which is going to be difficult for you.

All these times, you do things as you please and that includes kissing or even sex. It's so easy for you to do it with anyone because you keep things casual, with no attachments whatsoever which makes it easier.

Now that the fun is being taken away from you, you have no idea how you're going to do it. It becomes harder later that you're sharing a bed with a man that you are physically attracted to.

Seriously though, what have you done that makes you deserve this?

You're not the only one moaning and groaning in complaint about these sudden rules in the villa, the girls can't stop talking as they remove their make-up to get ready for bed. Your bedtime routine takes double the time as you can't help but join in on the chat with the girls.

"Which one do you think is going to be first to rule break?" Riley asks while brushing her long brown hair as she speaks.

"Not me," Niamh immediately answers.

You glance at Sabine who's giggling in response to Riley's question, "Sabine..."

Sabine puts her hand under her chin, "I think we should kiss each other and be the first to break the rules," she gives her opinion.

"That's not a bad idea," Rita agrees with her.

"No, I think we should make the boys sweat a bit," Riley offers another idea.

"I like that more, yes," you agree with her.

"But Oliver is so hot and I'm sharing the bed with him," Sabine whines at you.

You shrug because you have no answer to that, you're in the same predicament as her.

"Sabine, no, honey, you can do it!" Niamh encourages her

You sense that Niamh is going to be the protector of the prize money and you can't blame her for that, it's a lot of money, and you would love to win it.

However, the possibility for you to win that money is close to zero.

"Something about being told not to do something, you know," Riley says, now braiding her hair in one big pigtail.

"I know, right?" Sabine gasps.

For you, rules are something you are never good at following because they are meant to be broken anyway so why bother following them in the first place?

-

YOU: Now that I can't have it, I want it more [bites lips]

-

It's been an eventful day and he's looking forward to ending it.

Changbin sees that you're stepping into the room and heading straight to his bed, this is the part he's been looking forward to, he wants to end this day with you.

It sucks that he has Lana's rules to follow but that doesn't stop him from feeling ecstatic to share the bed with you. Especially with you dressed in a short night dress that barely covers your ass.

Oh, it's going to be a long, agonizing night for him to try not to touch you.

A smile dances on your face as you crawl on the bed and sit next to him with your back facing the room, you innocently rest your hand on his thigh like it wouldn't affect him.

"Is this what you're wearing to bed?" You ask him, pinching the hem of his black boxer.

"Yeah," he simply answers, looking at his sleeping attire of a boxer and a black t-shirt.

Changbin tries to look at your face but the plunging neckline of your night dress keeps distracting him, he can also see your nipples poking through the thin fabric.

However, his hand remains steady on your thigh, fingers lightly rubbing the skin to feel how smooth it is.

It's getting a little noisy in the bedroom with everyone talking all at once, or they're simply as excited to share beds.

You look over your shoulder for a while then put your leg between his as you look back at him, "I think it's going to be so weird to have sex in front of people," you suddenly say out of nowhere.

Changbin is half listening when his eyes are busy listing over your body, "Yeah..."

"Not that we're going to," you quickly add with low giggles.

Your hand glides up to his stomach and slipping it under his t-shirt, it's like you know that's his sensitive area.

"Just saying..." you add with a playful grin.

Now that you hinted at it, he can't help but imagine it, and without waiting for his brain to send the command, his hand moves up to your waist and grips it.

"Because you know, you get going..." you slightly grind on his thigh and pretend to moan to show it to him.

"And you know, like, it's going to be so loud," you finish talking with a sly smile on your face, knowing what you just did to him and what it does to him.

Changbin's imagination is getting vivid and he bites his lower lip to suppress the urge to kiss you. He plays with the lace fabric of the hem of your night dress, "Is that how you do it?"

You tip your head to the side, "What? Fast and loud?"

"If we do it fast, I'm not sure you can keep up with me," he says with a daring smirk, fueling his filthy mind with his own words.

You prop your hands against the mattress to hover above him and then mutter, "I just want you to throw me around."

Then you put your body on top of him which he gladly embraces, he can feel your body slowly molding into his and it feels so intimate to feel each other's bodies like this as he puts his arms around you to keep you close.

You feel soft and small against him, Changbin gets the urge to protect and take care of you but at the same time, he wants to rip your clothes off and make you cry out of pleasure.

And he never met someone that made him feel that way until today.

-

CHANGBIN: She makes me horny as hell, makes me want to get down and dirty right there with her.

-

Maybe both of you were mentally drained from the revelation that this is not Love Quest anymore and not much happened before you both went to sleep last night.

Through the curtains, you can see that it's already bright outside but the lights aren't on yet.

Changbin's arm is draped around your waist and you clutch it close to your chest, snuggling yourself close to his body.

"Oh?" You lowly gasp, feeling something poking behind you.

You feel tempted to touch it or at least, take a look at it but you refrain, you decide to tease him by rubbing your ass against his morning wood.

It doesn't take long for him to realize what you've been doing to him, he lays his hand flat on your stomach to stop you but you're relentlessly continuing to do it.

"Stop it," he scolds into your ear but you pick up the playful cadence in his sleepy voice.

Ignoring him, you arch your back more and keep teasing him. This time, Changbin firmly grips at your waist to stop you.

"You're going to get me in trouble," he mutters.

You decide to obey him and pull at his arm, wanting him to hold you close again.

Changbin puts away the hair covering your neck then places a long kiss there, he places another kiss on your shoulder blade before cuddling you again.

"Mmh..." he delightfully hums, "I can get used to this."

And you can't think of a better place to wake up to than next to him, it feels warm and snug in his arms and you don't think you'd get it from anyone else but him.

Then the lights are on and the cone chimes, waking up everyone from their slumber.

"Good morning, everyone!" Lana greets.

It's not ideal to start the day hearing the cone talking but then again, you're here under her authority.

"Morning," you sleepily answer.

You lay on your back but Changbin clings to you, burying his head in your neck with his hand resting across your chest.

"Get ready for some fun in the sun but the only way you're going to get wet is getting into the pool."

Lana is a robot but she surely masters sheer sarcasm and you admire her for that, she's not one to mess with.

"Is there any way we can turn her off?" Oliver asks with a gruff voice.

That shifts everyone's attention to his shared bed with Sabine and you notice the subtle smile on her face, "Looking so smug there," you tease her.

Sabine softly chuckles and brushes her hair to the back, not saying anything but resting her head on Oliver's shoulder.

They seem suspicious that Niamh can't help herself but ask, "What's going on, guys?"

"Nothing," Oliver answers for both of them, sweeping his hair to the side.

What everyone is doing is not your business so you choose to mind yours, hugging Changbin and feeling the muscles on his back.

"What are your plans for today?" You ask.

After a moment, he finally answers, "Working out."

"After that?"

"Shower."

"After that?"

"Breakfast."

"And what time are we going to break the rules?" You playfully ask him but you're curious if you both have the same thoughts about it.

Changbin lifts his head to look at you to see if you are serious or not, then cracks a laugh.

"Tonight?" You ask again.

Not getting an answer, you slip your hand into his soft curls and ask again, "Tonight at 8, mmh?"

He looks at you again and you both burst into laughter at the same time. He overlaps your body with his and nuzzles his nose into your neck.

"What do you think we should do, mmh?" You tease him more with a gentle ruffle on his hair, "Kiss? Handy? Sex? Anal?"

Changbin breaks into laughter again and he has the kind of laugh that is infectious, making anyone who hears it laugh along with him.

Jokes aside, you get the feeling that Changbin hesitates to break the rules, you can't tell if is it because of you or if he has his reasons.

Well, there's always a way to find out.

-

YOU: If he wants to come up to me, he can get some talk, he can get some actions [smirks] I'm up for anything.

-

Changbin is feeling refreshed after taking a shower.

He worked out a little late into the afternoon because of the big breakfast he had this morning, he felt the need to lose the extra weight he gained and turned them into muscles.

He almost bumps into Liam as he enters the dressing room, not knowing that there are people in there.

"What's up, man?" Nico asks who happens to be there as well, playing with the girls' make-up brushes.

"Not much," Changbin shortly replies as he opens his closet.

Not long after, Oliver comes into the room, grinning ear to ear. He just stands in front of everyone but not saying anything.

Changbin smells trouble from him, "Looking smug. Where have you been?"

"Just had some alone time," he talks almost inaudibly.

"With Sabine?" Nico asks for confirmation.

Oliver starts pacing around the room still slyly smiling, it's like he waits for someone to catch up on it.

"Oh, don't tell me you kissed!" Liam says with a defeated sigh.

Changbin can tell the answer right away from the smile plastered on his face, "It's true," he confirms for anyone.

Liam calls Changbin and even though he's only dressed with a towel around his waist, he helps Liam corner Oliver and forces him to confess.

"Why are you guys so big?" Oliver asks both of them, looking slightly intimidated by their sizes.

"What did you do?" Liam asks him again.

Oliver holds his hands up and nods, "Yeah, we had a little kiss."

"Oh, no, it's only day two, bro!" Nico says from behind Changbin.

With his hands up, Oliver starts to explain, "We had a moment, okay?"

Changbin walks back to his closet to start putting clothes on and sees Liam is still towering over Oliver, "Is that the only thing you did?"

"Yeah," Oliver answers.

Liam then looks around the room to see every there, the boys are all here except for Shane.

"Now if any of us do any rule breaks, I'd appreciate it if you just... fess up," he says to everyone.

Oliver nods in agreement with a winning grin for successfully becoming the first one to break the rules in the retreat.

It's getting interesting now that the first rule break has occurred and it's only about time other people start doing it too.

Changbin wonders if he should do something about his appointment at 8 tonight.

-

CHANGBIN: Is it going to be my turn? [Smirks] I might do something tonight. We'll see.

-

It's only about time that someone broke the rules and you're right to put your money on Sabine.

However, you didn't expect that it was going to happen this soon, Sabine and Oliver did it in less than twenty-four hours after Lana's sex ban.

"You think everyone is mad at me?" Sabine nervously asks you.

Everyone shouldn't act like they're going to be perfect going forward, the retreat has only just begun so there's no guarantee that there'll be saints left at the end of the retreat.

"You know I was just waiting for someone to do it," you honestly tell her.

Sabine pauses applying her lip liner and cracks a laugh, "Yeah?"

"Yeah, me and my man have a plan now," you jokingly say.

"What are your plans?"

"We're going to give each other head," you joke.

The actual plan is not very far from it, you're going to look so good tonight that Changbin can't resist you. You check yourself in the full-length mirror in the dressing room and are satisfied with what you see.

"I look so hot," you praise yourself, turning around to see the back view.

Rita comes and puts her arm around your waist, posing together in front of the mirror with you.

"We look hot!"

The night is warm with the scent of the sea clinging in the air. You grab a drink before stepping out of the villa to prepare you for tonight.

"Looking gorgeous," Shane compliments as you meet him by the pool.

You take a moment to look and search for something you can compliment on him "I like the shirt," you say with a quick pull at the collar of his shirt.

"We're kind of matching, you see?"

You're wearing a white top with a black leather skirt while he wears blue jeans with a striped blue and white shirt, the similarities are almost nonexistent but hey, he's just trying to shoot his shot.

"Yeah, we kind of do," you say to him.

Let's see if Shane got game so you stop by the terrace to give him the chance to play.

"Have you ever dated an English guy?" He asks out of the blue.

A bit too strong for an opener but okay, "Nah," you answer.

He takes a step closer, then asks, "Never?"

You look him in the eyes to see if he would flinch, "Yeah."

He coyly sips his drink to stall and continues talking after, "Would you like to?"

A solid 7 out of 10, could be better. You laugh it off and let him die to know the answer.

"You know everyone is attracted to you, right?"

"No, not everyone, I believe," you play humble like how good girls play.

Shane takes another step closer and leans the side of his body against the pillar, "This is good. We should talk more," he says with a flirty smile.

"Well, I'm open to getting to know everyone," you tell him, making sure that you mean it generally, not specifically with him.

Shane runs his hand through his hair, sending it disheveled, even so, it makes him look attractive.

"I think you went in with Changbin so quick," Shane comments.

You nod and admit that it's true, "Yeah."

He then slyly smiles at you, "So, you know—"

Before you can finish listening to Shane talking, someone has his arms around you and without warning, carrying you with him.

Thankfully, you manage to not spill the drink you're holding once Changbin puts you down. He pats the small space left on the small sofa facing the sea view.

You sit with your legs hanging between his and his arm around you, this way you can put your full focus on him. You like seeing the glints in his brown eyes and your eyes flick to his small mouth with its pair of plush lips, looking so inviting as he licks them after taking a sip of your drink.

"What were you talking about?"

Changbin tries to sound cool about this but you sense a hint of jealousy in his words.

"Talking about you, actually," you honestly tell him.

"Yeah?"

He's wearing this tight white top that showcases his sculpted muscles and makes you unconsciously roam your hand on his clothed body.

You lose track of the conversation and innocently mutter, "You're so big..."

Changbin smiles at your words, looking thoroughly happy to hear them, and wants to hear more of it.

"What about it?"

You use your fingers to play with the opening of his top, teasing the skin there, "I like that you're big," you shamelessly admit.

It's impressive how he doesn't flinch as you stare him dead in the eyes. He remains calm with his hand playing with the thin strap of your top.

"Mmh?"

You lean in close and lower your voice as you say, "Makes me wonder if you're big somewhere else too."

Men like it when you're being straightforward like that and it seems to work on Changbin too.

-

YOU: He is so hot. It's going to be really hard to keep my hands to myself.

-

Everyone else can look as much as they want but they can only dream of getting it on with you.

Changbin feels like he won big to have you sitting close to him, looking damn attractive in your leather skirt and you're deeply staring into his eyes and your legs are slowly rubbing his inner thigh.

Oh, he knows what you're doing and he sure as hell knows that he's in trouble. The sexual chemistry is there and it's electrifying, awakening every cell in his body.

He looks away for a moment to take a grip on the situation and tries to restart a conversation. Then he looks at your face and how beautiful you are, your nose, your eyes... which reminds him to compliment them.

"You have beautiful eyes," he says.

You snort and put away your drink, "Your eyes are nowhere looking at my eyes," you point out.

That's right, he was looking at your lips when he said it, how they tantalize him.

You put your hand around his neck and gently massage the back of his head, "What are you thinking, mmh?"

There's no way of denying it so Changbin resorts to playing pensive, "Why don't you take a guess?

You're playing with the zipper on the front of his chest, "Uhm... food?" You wildly guess.

He laughs then nods, "That's a pretty good guess."

"No, wait," you take back your answer and take another guess, "it was tits."

You sure know how to amuse him and other than that, make him feel aroused with every little thing you do, including now, when you fix your hair from being blown by the wind.

Changbin has been thinking about it and knowing that someone has broken the rules making it easier for him to decide.

It's his turn to break the rules now but before that, he looks around, making sure the coast is clear, he sees that everyone else is gathered in the firepit.

Changbin looks back at you, then his hand reaches for your chin to bring your head close to his so he can kiss you. He likes how eager you are to receive his kiss and return it in such eagerness.

He holds you by the jaw, his thumb pulling at your lower lip to make you open your mouth for him so he can kiss you deeper, harder.

He wants to keep going and get drunk in your sweet, sweet kiss. He's tugging your lower lip between his teeth before pulling away.

Once he breaks the kiss, he looks at you at your parted mouth and your lips wet from the kisses, you're smiling when you open your eyes.

All of sudden, you throw your arms around him and mutter, "That was a good kiss."

He plants a kiss on your shoulder and another one on your neck, "I know."

You sit back on the sofa to get your drink and secretly look at where everyone is gathering, "Did they notice?" You ask him.

He throws his head back to look behind him and shakes his head, "I don't think so."

Breaking the rules is not as bad as he thought it would be, it was easy and strangely fun, he's sure it's coming from the rush of doing it without getting caught by anyone.

Changbin can only hope he doesn't get addicted to the rush.

-

CHANGBIN: So it happens, my first rule break. I knew it was wrong but I still wanted to do it so... [shrugs]

-

Despite the strong wind blowing your way, it doesn't help keeping you away from sweating.

You use the back of your hand to dab at the thin layer of sweat forming on your forehead but you feel like your make-up is fading away with the night.

Putting your empty glass away, you break away from Changbin's cuddle.

"Where are you going?" He asks.

You get up from the sofa and fix your skirt, "I'm going to fix my make-up quick," you answer.

He takes your hand, not letting you go, "You can do it later."

You smile at him, "I'll be quick," you say.

On the way to the dressing room, Rita joined you and it just happens that she seems to have the urge to tell you something.

"Now that Riley has given up on your man, she's going for Liam," Rita informs.

You sit on your chair and unzip your make-up pouch, "Really?"

Rita leans against the vanity table and crosses her arms in front of her, "So I was there with there with Liam then Riley joined in and she won't stop talking," she grumbles.

Riley does seem like the talkative type and you can imagine her butting in between Rita and Liam, talking non-stop.

"She keeps going on and on..." Rita complaints.

You feel bad for Rita but can't help but laugh. You gently powder your nose and make sure its

"Is Liam the only one or is there anyone else you fancy?" You ask out of curiosity, taking out a tube of lip gloss out of your pouch next.

Rita gets quiet and rolls her eyes as she thinks of an answer, "I was the first to call dibs on Liam," she innocently says.

You snicker because she makes it sound like it's a child's play, "What about Nico?"

"Nico? Hmm..." Rita has an adorable habit of pinching her cheek when she thinks.

You shift on your chair to look at her, "But you know, if you want to see how things go with Liam, then go for it," you suggest.

"I'm going to do that," she says while bobbing her head in agreement.

"Then get your cute butt there," You encourage her because you don't want her to overthink things when she should just do what she wants.

She squeals in response and takes a hairbrush from her table to fix her hair, "I believe Riley is still talking when I get there," she says with a dramatic eye roll.

As she turns around to leave, you land a gentle slap on her butt, "Go get your man!"

Now that Rita left the room, you can put on a fresh coat of lip gloss on your lips and take a quick look in the mirror only to find Changbin is checking you out in the doorway.

"You told me you'd be quick," he whines.

You laugh at how he's fussing like a toddler, "I was about to walk out—"

You get cut off as he comes crashing his body against yours, hugging you so tight with his hands feeling your clothed body.

It's obvious that he's horny. You hold him back and let him bury his head in your neck, "We're going back out there or stay here?"

Changbin doesn't say anything but looks at you, his eyes are looking at your lips and filled with so much want. You kind of have guessed that he would be coming back for more because honestly, one kiss is never enough.

"You can throw me onto the table if you want," you jokingly say with a flirty smile on.

With smoldering eyes and a smirk on his face, he lifts you by the waist to sit you on the table, that way he can be at the same eye level with you.

You loop your hands around his neck and pull him close, "And now we can kiss," you whisper with your face only inches away from him.

And just like that, he caves in and kisses you. This time his kiss has intensity to it and for a moment, you feel like he's devouring you whole which is turning you on.

Changbin slides his hand down your leg and lifts it, wrapping it around his waist to close the gap between your bodies.

His other hand is angling your head slightly to the side just so he can kiss deeper, skillfully using his tongue to make you feel the slightest bit lightheaded.

A moan slips out of your mouth as he squeezes the back of your thigh. You feel faint not only because it's one of the sensitive parts of your body but also because of how close his hand is to where you want him the most.

Then the sound of heels clicking against the floor shatters the tension in the room and the two of you abruptly stop kissing.

Your head turns in the direction of the doorway and see Sabine grinning at both of you.

 "I caught you rulebreaking!" She says in a sing-song voice.

"Shit!" Changbin quietly mutters as he looks away from her.

Sabine walks to her closet, "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone!" She says while switching the shoes she's wearing with sandals.

After she leaves the room, Changbin pulls you into a hug and nuzzles his head in your neck.

You jokingly pull his head close, "Okay, now, come back."

He breaks into laughter and kisses you on the cheek to compensate for not being able to give you what you want.

It's already hard to get him to rulebreak and it would take a long time for him to fall into the temptations again.

-

YOU: [Snickers] I don't know what's wrong with us. I don't know why we're doing it again [laughs]

-

Changbin jumps onto his bed, feeling so tired but inside, he's feeling euphoric.

"What's going on, big boy?" Nico asks from the next bed.

Changbin pretends to look exhausted and stretches his arms out, "I didn't do much tonight," he lies.

He knows he can't be the only one breaking the rules tonight but it's safe for him to keep a calm expression to avoid suspicion.

When he looks at the boys, he notices the smugness on their faces and they probably can see it on him too. For now, he saves the worries about the money for tomorrow.

Changbin stops thinking altogether when you climb onto the bed, wearing a white tank top and tight shorts. If only he was alone with you... oh, he's scared to even try to imagine it.

You sit cross-legged on the bed facing him, looking so beautiful even with a bare face, "Isn't it hot to sleep with a t-shirt on?"

"You can just tell me if you want me to sleep naked," he says with a mischievous smile.

"You know, I always sleep naked," you share then sips water from your tumbler.

He puts his hand on your knee "Then why aren't you?"

You put on a daring glare at him, "Do you want me to? Cause I would," you say.

If there's anything he learned from being around for these past two days is that he shouldn't challenge you because, in the end, he'll end up losing to you.

When the lights are out, he puts his arm out so you can rest your head on it but instead of that, you overlap his body with yours.

"I'm not sleepy yet," you whisper into his ear.

"Anything you want to do?" He asks and regrets it the second after he says it. He shouldn't give you ideas or worse is letting himself open to your ideas.

"A lot," you answer with a hot kiss on his neck.

Changbin feels threatened as you start placing kisses around his face, his heart skips when you get too close to his lips but he sulks when you don't do it.

You have your hand slipped under his t-shirt, splaying it on his stomach and feeling his skin there. You lean in close, rubbing your nose against his and teasing his lips with the warm breath you let out of your parted mouth.

"Want to rule break again?" You ask with your thumb swiping his lower lip.

Oh, Changbin is being put in a predicament once again. You best believe that he wants to do and will do whatever it is you want because that's what he wants too.

However, he promised himself that he wouldn't do another rule break for the rest of the night.

He hates to say no to you so he tries to lay it as gently as he can so he softly caresses your head, then takes the hand holding his face to kiss the inside of your hand.

"That's enough of a rule break for today," he murmurs with an apologetic smile.

Even in the dark, he can see you softly smile at him and nod, "Okay."

It's not about the compliance, you can be a little wayward to him but Changbin likes that you know when to hold back. Yes, he takes pride in being dominant but that doesn't mean he can force you to do what he says, you are your own person after all.

You sweetly kiss him on the cheek and mutter, "Goodnight, Changbin."

He plants a kiss on your jaw in return and mutters back, "Goodnight, angel."

For someone who has known him for a couple of days, you understand him well and that says something.

-

CHANGBIN: A kiss with her is always too good but it's bad because it's making me hornier [chuckles]

-

The day starts with Lana's morning greeting.

For a second, you thought Lana was about to announce the rule breaks right after everyone woke up and that would be so cruel of her but you're glad she didn't.

Changbin nuzzles his nose against your neck before placing a soft kiss on your shoulder. You open your eyes and see him smiling at you.

"How was your sleep?" You croak, putting your hand under his t-shirt to feel the skin on his back.

He kisses you on the arm and softly sighs, "I got bit by mosquitoes last night."

"That was me. Sorry," you joke.

That amuses him so much, that he laughs with his head buried in your neck and playfully biting at your shoulder.

When he stops, you look at him and say, "I'm not sorry actually."

With freshly showered hair, you're doing your make-up with Rita while Niamh is also dressing the other part of the room. You look at Rita whose hair is flying around her head as she's drying it.

"So, how did it go?"

Rita turns off her hairdryer, "What?"

"With Liam last night?"

"I don't know. He's been very vague about it," Rita answers, sounding as confused as her answer.

You put down your eyebrow pencil and look at her, "He probably wants to keep his options open for—"

The melodic chime coming from the cone in the corner of the room interrupted you from talking and your heart starts to sink, knowing that you committed a couple of rule breaks yesterday.

"Hello, girls!" Lana greets.

Niamh pops her head from behind the room where everyone is using to change their clothes.

"Hey, Lana..." you answer with sheer enthusiasm.

"Please gather everyone in the cabana," she orders.

You exchange a horrified look with Rita and grimace at the horror looming over you the second you hear Lana's voice.

"Sure, babe," Rita is replying to her this time.

You know exactly what's going to happen in the cabana and it's none other than the time to get publicly shamed by a talking cone.

There's only one seat left on the small wooden sofa at one side of the room and you sit there, having no one there to help you calm down.

"Okay, guys, who kissed who?" Nico asks everyone.

Niamh couldn't be faster responding to it, "I didn't kiss anyone," she says.

"Me too," Rita says.

As if it would help take everyone's suspicion off you, you're avoiding their eyes and trying to act calm. You are calm until Sabine places her hand on your knee.

"Babe? Did you kiss?"

That's so sly of her to ask you that when she walked in on you and Changbin kissing in the dressing room. You scrunch your nose and decide to lie, "Nah, I didn't."

Sabine slyly smiles at your answer and lets it go as the cone chimes in the middle of the table.

-

YOU: I know for sure that Changbin and I kissed twice but I'm not saying a word. I'm hoping Lana didn't see [snorts]

-

"Hello, everyone!"

Changbin tries to remain calm but he can't quite control his body, his heart is racing and his palms are starting to sweat. He can only hope that he's putting on a good poker face.

"What's happening, Lana?" Shane asks from the other end of the sofa.

"You were brought here to form deeper emotional connections and were given rules to adhere to."

Lana is an artificial intelligence but Changbin can hear the displease in her voice and she sounds upset.

"This is tense," Nico says with a heavy sigh.

"Yeah..." Oliver says.

"Despite this, your flagrant disregard for the rules has resulted in a deduction of..."

Changbin knows he takes part in that deduction and he can feel the guilt starting to seep into his mind.

"$15,000."

Everyone collectively gasps at the announcement of how much money has been lost from the prize fund and it's only the third day now.

But this also means that he's not the only one screwed up last night.

"That's the most expensive 25 hours I've ever lived," Oliver says as if he didn't spend some of that money.

"You guys are blowing it," Niamh says with a disappointed look on her face, genuinely pissed at losing money.

"In total, there were five rule breaks," Lana informs.

"Five?" Nico says with a shocked face.

"Anyone want to admit to anything?" Rita says.

Changbin glances at you and he sees that you're also looking at him, exchanging unspoken words through the eyes.

Staying silent is not an option for him, he knows better that he has to own up to his mistakes.

"Changbin and I kissed last night," you get ahead of him.

He feels less nervous to talk now that those words are out, "Yeah, we kissed."

"We had a moment and it was perfect," you add, explaining the things that led to the kiss.

"Just one kiss?" Niamh asks.

It's like something caught in your throat and you abruptly stop talking, it's time for Changbin to take over.

"No, we uh... we kissed again in the dressing room," Changbin admits.

He's expecting shouting or yelling coming at him but they're quiet, he can only hear a few deep sighs.

"Well, there's three more we need to account for," Rita says, leaning back on the sofa and crossing her arms together.

"Sabine?" You call her name loud enough for everyone to hear even though she's sitting next to you.

"What?" Sabine plays dumb.

"We knew about your kiss at the beach," Rita says to her.

Niamh scoots forward on her seat and looks at Sabine, "Is that it?"

Sabine looks at Oliver and everyone knows right away they had more than one kiss.

"Yeah, okay, we kissed twice," Oliver finally confesses with an unapologetic grin on his face.

Oliver's confession is also greeted by more sighs and Changbin feels a lot better now that he's not the only one being scrutinized at the moment.

"One more to go now," Nico mutters, scanning everyone's faces to spot the guilty ones.

"Honesty is the best policy, you guys!" Niamh warns.

Everyone wouldn't let it go until the last culprit comes forward and Changbin just wants to get this over with.

A moment passed in silence until Riley pointed at someone, "I kissed Liam."

"Look at you sitting there all quiet," Changbin mutters at Liam who happens to sit two seats away from him.

Ironic that he was the one who warned everyone to speak out immediately when they messed up yet he's the last one to do it.

"I felt a little something for Riley so I don't regret it," Liam explains.

He notices that you're exchanging looks with Rita as she seems to be upset upon hearing what Liam uttered to everyone.

"The prize fund now stands at $185,000," Lana updates before signing off.

Changbin does the math in his head and is slightly shocked to find out how much he spent but at that moment, last night, the kisses felt worth more than that.

However, everything changes now after hearing how much it costs.

-

CHANGBIN: $15,000... that's a lot. I'm feeling guilty now.

-

When Changbin hears that there's going to be a workshop, he hopes it's something that will help him control his urges.

The moment he gets told that he has to pair up with you, he doubts that it would help him much.

"Hello, I'm Billy," The instructor introduces himself, "I'm a sex expert."

"Whoo!" Oliver excitedly reacts.

"How are you all doing?" Billy asks.

"Good!" Everyone answers in unison, sitting on their respective mats for the workshop.

"Today's workshop is about ways you can connect with somebody without sex," Billy announces the lesson for the workshop.

"Breath is a huge thing so when you feel sexual tension, step away and go do your breathing, it'll help you profoundly."

Changbin feels skeptical at first but he knows now that it's possible to keep his impulses in control.

Billy then turns over a picture showing a cuddling position and everyone should do it with their partner. You crawl over to him and sit cross-legged on the space between his legs.

It takes him a moment to study the picture, he puts his arms around you and you intertwine them together in front of you.

"Hand over your heart," Billy reminds him.

He places his clasped hand on your heart and he accidentally brushes your breast in the process.

You lowly giggle in response and look over your shoulder at him, "Over my heart, not my tits."

He presses his mouth close to your ear, "It happens that your tit is close to your heart," he playfully replies.

"Breathe..." Billy instructed as he's he's pacing back and forth observing everyone, "Connect with them on a deeper level."

Changbin does what he said and closes his eyes, breathing in and out, eventually syncing your breathing together. It feels nice, he feels relaxed.

Billy walks up to Sabine and Oliver, "How do you feel in that position?"

"Damn good," Oliver shamelessly answers, making Sabine laughs in embarrassment.

Billy walks back to the front and flips a new picture on the easel, "It's going to get a little bit intimate..."

He then reveals the next position for everyone to see, he's grinning as he says, "I think you guys can handle it."

Changbin applies the lesson right away, inhaling air and exhaling it as he sits on the mat.

Okay, it's getting hard to try not to think about sex when you're sitting on his lap and your legs wrapped around his waist.

"Don't I look good on top of you?" You ask with a sly smile on your face.

He takes a deep breath and puts his hands on each side of your waist, "Yeah," he answers, can't stop his brain from imagining it.

It doesn't get any easier with the way you're looking deep into his eyes and Changbin reckons he should look away.

He pulls you close and rests his head against your chest, listening to your steady heartbeat helping him to calm down.

"How are you guys doing?" Billy asks him.

"We're doing good," you answer for both of you.

After he leaves, you look back at him and put your hands around his neck, "Good, right?"

Changbin bets that you know how good it is for him as you sit right on his crotch. The sexual tension is getting unbearable and breathing doesn't help him as much as it did before.

Thankfully, Billy ends the workshop before it gets dangerous.

"Thank you, all of you beautiful people and I appreciate you for being present with me," he concludes.

Everyone is giving him a round of applause as a token of gratitude for his lesson.

-

CHANGBIN: It's clear that we have a strong sexual chemistry but I also sense that there's something genuine there.

-

It's unclear whether Changbin is up to doing something naughty tonight.

Nevertheless, you're putting on a tight dress and a luscious coat of lipstick, you know he can't resist you when you look this good.

Changbin is talking to Nico when you come and put his arm around you, wanting to get his attention. Successfully having him for yourself, you corner him and take him to sit together on the lounger.

"You look good tonight," you compliment, feeling his pecs through his black shirt.

He reacts with a mix of shy and cocky smiles, you don't know how he does that but it looks good on him.

You bring your mouth close to his ear and murmur, "You look so delicious."

Changbin is oddly quiet tonight and you guess you just need to warm him up, showering him with compliments and talking about random things.

"I only noticed it now that you have a dimple," you say.

Changbin smiles again for you to showcase it and you use your finger to poke the dimple on his cheek.

"Your cheek is squishy too," you playfully poking at it while giggling.

"I think my right cheek is more squishy," he disagrees with you, poking his other cheek with his index finger.

He looks so cute doing it and out of nowhere, you feel like biting at his cheek and doing it.

"Why did you do that?"

"Nom nom nom nom," you tease him instead of answering.

Changbin pulls you close and gently bites at your arm to get back at you, sending you laughing uncontrollably.

Now that he's warming up and relaxed, it's time to find out if he plans to do something about the night. You rest your hand on his chest, fiddling with the button of his shirt as you talk.

"What are we going to do tonight, mmh?"

He only smiles at you with his hand caressing your back.

You press your head close to his and lower your voice as you say, "How about you finger me in secret?"

He bursts into laughter and pulls you closer, holding you with his arms around you, but it feels more like he's trying to restrain you.

"We're going to be good tonight," he tells you.

The message is well-received.

You fully understand if he doesn't want to rulebreak tonight and you're alright with it, you don't want to pressure him to do something he doesn't want.

You press a kiss on his cheek and then rest your head on his chest, "Yeah, sure, we can be good."

Also, perhaps he needs a little breather too.

-

YOU: He doesn't want to rulebreak tonight but who knows about tomorrow? [Raises eyebrow]

-

Just like Billy said, Changbin get away and do his breathing as the sexual tension is only rising when he's with you.

Most of everyone is gathering in the cabana so he goes there, trying to get his mind distracted by talking to other people than you.

Nico is sipping his drink and silently watching Sabine and Oliver canoodling by the firepit.

"I don't know if Sabine were like flirty with anybody but I kind of want to make Ollie cry," he says to him.

Changbin feels like getting another drink but he stays seated for the drama.

"Do it, man!" He encourages him.

The next thing he knows, the night is getting late and it's time to turn in for the night.

He manages to not rule break today as he planned but it doesn't feel like an achievement at all, if anything, he feels like shit for saying no to kissing you. Now, he has the image of your eyes dimmed when he told you he doesn't want to rulebreak tonight replaying in the back of his head.

It's not dramatic of him to feel ecstatic to see you get on the bed, he barely saw you after you both cuddled on the lounger earlier.

"Where have you been, baby?" He asks you.

You dive right into his arms and rest your head on his chest, "Talking with Rita," you mumble your answer.

He notices that you sound exhausted, "Tired?"

You turn your head to look at him and nod.

The moment the lights turn off, you get off of him to sleep on your side of the bed.

"Goodnight, fam!" Liam says to everyone in the dark.

"Night," a few replying to him.

Changbin doesn't want to assume things but he's scared that the reason why you feel a little distant is because he said no to rulebreak with you.

Then you're shifting on the bed and he sees you trying to take your top off under the duvet, you notice him watching.

"It's hot," you mutter at him, putting your top on the bedside table before laying on your side with your back facing him.

And he can see what you're trying to do to him.

Changbin scoots closer until his chest meets your back, he then traces the curve of your body with his hand, only using his fingertips to touch you.

He feels nothing but miles and miles of silky soft skin.

"Are you ticklish?" He asks, dropping his voice low and sultry.

"No," you answer.

That only encourages him to touch you more, exploring your body while trying to avoid it becoming something sexual. He presses his mouth on the back of your shoulder and softly inhales your scent while his hand caresses your abdomen with his knuckle.

With the way your body slightly shaking, he knows you're holding in your laughter.

"Tickles, mmh?"

"Not really."

Changbin lowers his hand down your waist and keeps going until his hand lands on the softness of the back of your thigh, caressing it with his knuckle.

"How about now?"

You shake your head.

He has no other option but to squeeze the flesh and you jolt on the bed. You take his hand out of the duvet and turn your head to scold him.

Before you can do that, he captures your lips in his. He knows he catches you off guard but you manage to return his kiss.

Changbin pulls away to have you pinned under him before leaning in and kissing you again. You moan as he puts his whole weight on you, sending your breasts squashed between your chests.

He's aware that everyone else in the room can see it but something about doing it in secret makes it inexplicably kinky.

-

CHANGBIN: If I'm being honest... I want to eat her all up [smirks]

-

Another day means another session of listening to a talking cone.

Changbin is prepared to face everyone when he comes clean about what he's done with you last night. It's the only rule break he did yesterday and he knows it's not progress but he feels good knowing that he showed a little more restraint than the last time.

Other than that, he's sitting next to you now so he feels reassured, knowing that you have his back.

The cone chimes at the same time he takes your hand and holds it.

"Hello, everyone!"

Everyone gets tensed as soon as Lana talks even though she hasn't said anything but her usual greeting.

"What's up, babes?" Rita replies to her, sounding chipper than usual.

"The rules of my retreat have been broken," She announces.

Here it goes, Changbin says in his head. He takes a deep breath and squeezes at your hand.

"Is there anybody who wants to come clean?"

Changbin clears his throat before speaking, "I want everyone to know that it was me who started it," he begins, taking full responsibility for what he's done.

"It was me, I kissed her last night."

His confession is yet again getting answered by low groans and sighs, he understands that he let them down but... oh, well.

"The kiss has cost the group $3,000."

There goes another $3,000 down the drain and Changbin admits he did wrong for making the same mistake.

"Anyone else wants to fess up?" Niamh asks.

The grin on Oliver's face is unmissable and that means he did something, most likely a bad thing.

"Did you two kiss again?" Liam asks him, pressuring them to talk with laser in his eyes.

Oliver rubs his chin while Sabine can only look at him, waiting for him to speak for both of them. He deeply sighs, then nods, "Yeah, we did."

"Just once?"

Oliver nods again, "Just once, I swear."

Lana confirms by announcing another $3,000 has been deducted from the prize fund.

Changbin feels a lot lighter now after telling the truth and accepting the truth that a chunk of money is gone because of him but it's too early for him to let out a sigh of relief yet.

"They were not the only ones to break the rules," Lana informs.

"My God?" Sabine scoffs.

Changbin is on the hunt for the culprit, he scans for any guilty faces sitting on the sofa and not realizing that you've been fidgeting next to him.

He turns his head at you and wonders if...

You uneasily look at him, then say, "It was me."

-

CHANGBIN: What the fuck is going on?

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[deus-sema]

Thinking about Kemen and how this character who was, until yesterday, considered mildly annoying and spoilt but mostly harmless and irrelevant, ended up leaving the audience in shock and furious at him, for valid reasons.

No longer is he insignificant but has proved to be a petty, envious and dangerous individual although, in the grander scheme of things, he remains a small fry. He was able to elicit emotions - albeit mainly repulsion - for himself within the audience. We care for him now or,more like, we care enough to see where he eventually ends up. We can curse him, give him virtual thrashings and imagine his death in different ways. But he cannot be ignored. We also made an effort to understand the reasons behind his behavior and what shaped him to be the person he is. Infact I came across two superbly written metas on him today itself: 1 and 2

It's character development for, even though it's for the worse, Kemen has changed irreversibly and has our attention. This turn in his personality feels organic and makes complete sense too.

That is another instance of how well written and thought out RoP is and how much effort and consideration has been put into shaping every single character and giving them their own distinct personality. No one exists for the sake of existing. We were promised a season dedicated to villains and it was delivered accordingly for its not just the primary antagonists like Sauron and Adar who are making their moves on the board but the secondary characters in subplots aren't in a statis either. They have sowed the seeds of anticipation for Akallabêth properly.

I am really excited to see how Ar-Pharazôn's character is portrayed in future for he is meant to be a formidable villain and the chief architect of Numenor's eventual downfall.

[myjisung]

crushing with han !

content. stray kids han, headcanons, gn!reader — fluff.

warning. none

wordcount. 500

a/n. after the love language and kisses series, here comes the crushing series! i will tell you all about how skz acts when they have a crush ( headcanons, they're all my opinion. feel free to disagree, obviously ). tell me who you would like to read about next in this series :o) i missed this account so badly... i hope to be active in the coming weeks! ♥︎

WOULD HE CRUSH FIRST ?

han is the type to start developing feelings the moment he sees that someone expresses romantic interest towards him. yes, he does sometimes admire people from afar and wonders about them but for a real crush to form, he needs the push of someone being interested first. so no, not really. you would most likely be crushing on han first.

HOW HE WOULD ACT.

when han has a crush, it can go two very distinct ways:

either he is crazily obvious about it. han would be blushing the second you walk into the room and giggle uncontrollably at his own clumsiness. he would trip over his words, second guess every answer he gives to your questions and tickle the back of his neck when deep in thought. his friends would be no help at all, staring at him from the other side of the room trying to make him realize that you can see right through him. but sadly for han, he simply cannot help it.

or, he would simply not even look your way. it comes from a place of deep anxiety more than one of trying to look cool. han is too aware of your presence and the way it makes him feel. so much so that he would rather be distant and not look like he cares deeply though it is counter productive. he would ( try to ) keep his cool, laugh nonchalantly at your jokes and look your way when your back is turned. in a few words ; han would care for you in concealed ways.

WOULD HE MAKE THE FIRST MOVE ?

not really. he might if you were dancing around each other for months. han would lose patience then and get over his fear of rejection to try and ask you out.

he would much rather you ask him out or raise the question of what you both were after a few exclusive hangouts. han would not be able to live through the embarrassment of being rejected though he is mature enough to take it. he is rather afraid he would pressure you into saying yes to dating him just because he put you on the spot.

but if it can be any motivation: if you were to ask him out, han would give you one of his biggest heart-shaped smiles. all teeth and adoration.

MISCELLANEOUS.

han is quite a big fan of crushing, if that makes any sense. he feels inspired to create when he grows to know and like someone more as days go by.

he is one to romanticize the entire process of forming a crush / a connection to someone new. which is why he lets the whole 'crushing period' go on for as long as he can. of course he yearns for a relationship, but there is just something so sweet and innocent about dancing around each other. the stolen glances, the shy smiles, fingers brushing against each other's when walking side by side or the jitters he feels everytime he texts you ; han loves it all.

the type to be exclusive when crushing or casual dating. han gives his undivided attention to one person at a time.

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