#i just put people in other clothes lol
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more wip. I'm tired and my arms are going to regret this tomorrow.... but babygirl is getting miniskirted 😚👌
#see rice is brave enough to draw nekkid#i just put people in other clothes lol#i found this suit in my reference photos and thought. oh hell yes#anyway#wip hoard#my art stuff#considering there's no line stabilizer in sketchbook i did a damn great job#this is gonna be the only thing i actually finish this year i can feel it oTL
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also caitlyn telling vi that she has a good heart has to be the first kind thing someone has said to her in years
#and not to undermine any other characters on the show but really thinking about how vi lost her whole family and was put in a cell for years#where she was beaten and starved and left to be forgotten only to come out and immediately try to find jinx#just goes to show how good her character is. and fuck even after meeting cait she goes out of her way to make sure she’s safe and thats not#even based on the bridge ambush in ep 7 but literally in ep 5 once she gets out and gets cait clothes that will keep her from being#noticed and likely attacked for being an enforcer (not to say the enforcers don’t deserve it lol)#but those clothes she couldn’t of given her could’ve been used as an opportunity to ditch cait and go on her way of finding jinx#yet she doesn’t!!! i just think people saying she has a good heart doesn’t get appreciated enough because it really is such a good way to#describe who vi is… a good heart
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If you became super rich and could design your own house, but could only add THREE unnecessary/random/expensive home additions (like how people will have bowling alleys, movie theatres, closets with museums of shoes, car display rooms, spa rooms, wine cellars, etc. in their mansions) - what three would you choose?
#I think I would have: an indoor pool (but like heavily customized with a faux weather system so I could get the feeling of swimming in#rain or fog or snow etc.). a very small arcade consisting only of skee-ball and DDR machines. and an old Library Room with authentic#historical furniture/interior design to store old books/tapestries/study room equipment/whatever other antiques I'd collect. It'd be#like some fully intricate movie set or something that would feel completely like stepping into another world/time.#Though I might would trade out the arcade for a roller skating rink.. i DO love skating....#And I wouldve put rock climbing gym because I love indoor rock climbing but.. as I understand it they have to change out the rock things#on the walls every once in a while so that you can have new routes and it doesnt get boring. and I'd rather have an activty room thats like#self sustaining and doesnt require me to hire some person to come switch things around once every month. Otherwise I would#totally do that instead.#I'm also personally not counting ''craft'' type stuff like having a pottery room kiln sort of thing because#that doesn't count as 'unnessecary' to me. since stuff like that would not at all be just a hobby I 'happen to#do sometimes for fun'#but would definitely be a career sort of thing. Like if I had the money for a fully stocked sculpture room and and a sewing room#with a good machine and etc. then I would literally be professionally selling pottery and designing clothing and etc.#so I wouldn't count it as 'just a random side room I dont need' etc.#The same way that if I played tennis professionally or as a very intense hobby that takes up most of my life/time#then I wouldn't count having a tennis court in your house to practice in as 'unncesscarry' etc.#wow that is the worst I have ever spelt that word ghbjh#Un Cess Carry#ALSO would obviously have an underground bunker of some sort with food and emergency supplies which also does not count as unnecessary to m#since it's literally like... survival.. And I thought most health organizations literally reccomend that even#the common person has a small 'go bag' prepared in their house. and like an evacuation plan in case of fire or other things#It WOULD be an unnecessary rich person thing to have a full on undergRound village or something stocked with 9000 guns and#whaetever. but I think just a basic emergency room with basic supplies could still be counted under the 'not unnecessary' requirement.#Like I would say that a sprawling courtyard of flower gardens and fountains and hedge mazes that takes up like a hundred thousand#dollars a year in maintenance would count as one of the three 'unnecessary and expensive' things. But having a small garden in the#back yard with a few planters in a little greenhouse or whatever would not. The 'excessiveness' of the thing matters lol#ANYWAY!!!#Just curious what other peoples Three Main things would be... hrrmm
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ANYWAYS- I don't have much energy in general but I just wanted to drop by and say I had a thought in regards to the rather unique shape of the scar on his forehead in his fate design (which is a reference to the oftentimes more commonly known version of his story that recounts the motif of his death being by dying from his people throwing rocks at him which is the version f.ate seems to have followed) that it's not just there to represent this version of the story but could also be a reference to an iconographic pre-Hispanic attribute from Tezcatlipoca itself that is called the Ezpitzal, which is this:
(though in this piece, Tezca is shown under the guise of Tepeyollotl, it's still tezca) The Ezpitzal is often shown as a stream of blood that emanates from Tezcatlipoca's head. Professor Batalla pointed out that this term also relates to the Nahuatl concept of expressing anger
'it’s worth remembering that Tezcatlipoca was a god notorious for sowing discord and deceit'
So I just thought of how fitting it would be for M.octezuma to have this and how similar it looks to his scar (or well, how fitting it would be to a fictional stylized version of course) as M.octezuma's name is basically a compound of the noun 'lord' and the verb that means 'to frown in anger' which altogether gets interpreted as 'he who frowns like a lord' or 'he who is angry in a noble manner' and well, how this ties back to the Ezpitzal as a symbol that expresses anger
NOW IT COULD just be the shape of his scar and there's no deep meaning behind it but I still think it would be a nice little detail about his design if that was the case (if not then its just me overthinking symbolisms again), not to mention that even after the Spanish conquest took place and how as a consequence, a lot of characteristic traits and symbolisms were lost in regards to images, even then the Ezpitzal was still depicted (though barely there) with these protruding rounded edges
#;about#about#;m.octezuma ii#i am once again going insane about him and about symbolisms and character design#f.go fans about his clothes: lol he's just f.ate's black panther#me: WRONG! WRATH OF HISTORY CULTURE AND SYMBOLISM BUT PORTRAYED IN A MODERN FICTIONALIZED ANIME VERSION OF IMPORTANT FICTIONAL AND HISTO-#-HISTORICAL FIGURES#always important to note that f.ate is fictional interpretation and doesnt seek to portray history or mythology in a 100% historically-#accurate version#at the end of the day; they are all anime pngs#but as a writer and character design enjoyer i just really enjoy putting pieces together and formulating theories#maybe there is no meaning behind it! but as an rp writer its fun; that's really it#also i understand the black panther memes dwdw; being silly rq his outfit does kinda look like a big feline (mask included)#me not being able to shut up ever: WHICH JAGUARS ARE TIED TO TEZCATLIPOCA AND THE COLOR BLACK BEING ASSOCIATED WITH SMOKE AND OBSIDIAN AND-#its just; people complaining that some servants look really random but then its about the subtle details that u would normally not look at#in a general quick glance#I MEAN; sometimes they are just silly like that; but then there's other times where it is there -nods-#do u see my vision-#its like the ends of his scar has these rounded ends like the ezpitzal#they are almost 6 ends as well; let's pretend there are 6#;headcanons#headcanons
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its important to watch a new movie or read a new book sometimes. largely because 1) its nice to experience all the art this world has to offer but also 2) you might be able to find new scenarios to imagine your OCs in
#it gets the cogs turning if ur imaginary scenarios get stale#wait did anyone else do this. when i was a kid i played with my toys in the very storytelling heavy style#like every toy was a character type thing. ten million large spanning melodramatic stories of epic proportions with my littlest pet shops#like that was the type of play i liked. and i would#sit in front of the TV with whatever playing half watching cartoons#or watching some kids movie on vhs borrowed from the library back when they still had tapes#and the whole time i would be playing with my toys. seeming more engrossed in the story among my toys than the movie i was watching#but i WAS watching the movie i was just using it largely as a. jumping off point. to make up stories about like#my lps cat who can see ghosts and her search for her long lost twin sister or something#Oh god and when i was a little older like 10 years old making ms paint animations age#whenever i was watching a movie with like famiy or in class or whatever and maybe it was a little boring at parts#i would like. start focusing on the score only and just imagine my own sparklewolf OCs to it instead of paying attention#my dad often fondly remembers watching avatar in theatres with the whole family and looking over to me and seeing me mentally GONE hfkjdfhs#mother and older brother were pretty engrossed with the effects and visuals and i was like. eyes glazed over staring into space#imagining blue wolves with anime hair like :) my dad thought it was very funny. he cant judge the reason he was looking around was because#often hes more interested in watching other people react to a movie than the movie itself LOL we are cut from similar cloths..#i still dont remember a thing about that movie. but the score wasnt bad HJKDBJFKLSHJFDs#but yeah i dunno. watch a horror movie. think about putting your ocs through the horrors. thats how ive lived my entire life
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theOrEticalLy . if I opened commissions at some point. would there be. a smackerel of interest . ??
#i have never opened them bc it’s intimidating and I don’t know how to price things!!#but mostly bc i work full time w a good salary so I don’t really need side things to make money#like it feels selfish to suggest that people should pay me to make fanart?? When#a) I already do that for free bc i enjoy it lol#and b) there are so many creators out there who are struggling to make ends meet#and I am privileged enough to generally not have to worry about that#this would be just like extra spending money to fund my scented candle habit DHDJDN#and the clothes I just bought while trying to Discover My Vibe and Finally Be Myself (at age 28 lol)#also tbh it would likely be reinvested in other commissions bc I buy commissions fairly often lol#anyway. idk the idea of commissions always sounded cool but also guilt inducing and scary#it feels weird and silly bc it would make me have to take my art seriously if that makes sense??#like me saying ‘I think I’m good enough at art that people would buy it from me.’ that feels so bold and like. arrogant or something dhjsjd#coming from me I mean. just a silly little guy who still struggles to draw human limbs properly#ok I’m thinking about how I’d have to make a commission sheet and put a dollar sign on my art and I’m aaaaaaa#and I’d have to execute exactly what people want and what if I can’t!!!#omg ok maybe noT help lol#well im not committing to anything rn im simply. asking a question while the dash is asleep and then running off to bed seeya#i think part of me always wanted to try commissions to see if I could be a Real Artist about it ??#and potentially end up with like. Portfolio pieces ??#why I would need an art portfolio I don’t know. I am an editor. What do I think I will be doing here#ppl left comments on my animatic that have been giving me crazy what if thoughts. sit down#don’t look at me#ohhh swirly brain thoughts I need to sleep
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ive just accepted im just never going to fit cleanly into any label or community ever
#blaire.txt#vent incoming sorry ik this is probably really annoying#and im also sorry if this comes off insensitive or ''i have it SO hard'' i dont mean to be like that#but just. no matter how my identity rolls out i always feel like an imposter in some way#when i ided as a lesbian i already knew i was nonbinary and despite my yearning to experience it; i never knew and will never experience#being a lesbian and a binary woman. and ofc when i ided as a nonbinary lesbian was during that whole bullshit ''nonbinary people cant be#lesbians'' debate that resurfaced so that didnt fucking help#but im not a lesbian im bi so that was easy i guess. or easier#not being binary or very knowledgeable on queer history (tbh i want to change this im not proud of that) and having not participated in#many pride events and queer spaces irl (due to uh. yunno. Covid lol)#has like really made me feel like an imposter that just doesnt fit in anywhere#and now coming to terms with me being transmasc and having a strong attraction towards men and nonbinary folks has really uh. shaken things#up#and not fully in a good way bc its left me scrambling to put together the pieces#its left me in sooooooooooooo much distress i feel like so sick over it#its. not fun. esp bc im still pre-op so very girlish in appearance and voice eugh#and on top of that im also still nonbinary and do feel more neutral/androgynous some days and also consider myself gnc bc i like feminine#clothes and stuff so like. AUGH! and im also fucking 5'1-2 so no matter if i bind or get top surgery or etc i dont think ill ever pass as#not a girl so . pain!#and even saying all that makes me feel guilty bc its like. is that just internalized misogyny? am i misogynistic for feeling this way? and#IK IN MY RATIONAL MIND THATS BULLSHIT AND THIS IS *ONLY* ABT ME NOT OTHER TRANSMASCS AND NBLMS/MLMS TO BE CLEAR#im just an anxious mess with ocd and anxiety in general that just loooooooooooves latching onto bullshit like this to prove im predatory or#weird. also other ocd themes dont fucking help?#idk ill shut up now i need to be on a call but just like. its painful bc i dont feel like i fit into any queer communities lol#this also applies to disability stuff but im NOT cracking that can of worms open today sorry#ok gopdbye for now . responses are ok btw but also no pressure im kinda just emptying my head lol#vent#rant#ask to tag
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All clothes are gender neutral! Wear that sundress! Wear those cargo shorts! Wear the sundress and cargo shorts! Go to the beach and regret not having proper arch support but damn your sandals and pedicure look good!
#i wore a sundress and cargo shorts together a couple times#the extra pockets were nice but ill admit that they did look strange together lol#inspired by mr kakashihasibs complaining about terfs#good news i am not a terrible person and thus am not a terf#its also actually winter here so i will not be wearing sandals or sundresses for a while#so im living vicariously through you all who can#to be super clear i am telling guys and other people not sure if they should wear 'feminine' clothing#to put on pretty dresses that make them feel pretty#not just skinny boys but like big hairy guys should too. it heals my heart
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things to do (that i decided need to be done at 11:52 a.m.);
find that black shirt with the good texture
how draw clothe?? figure out
organize that one playlist
write, if fortune is kind
find music to lose my mind to at 3 a.m. so i can actually write for once
reread old draft
start sketch
make new sketch, last one sucked
work on anatomy
stare at art i like until my brain melts and i absorb the Vibes
#just me hi#hiiiiii it's 11:57 now#//i have like 2 black shirts with nice stretchy textures and i luv them#one of them is tighter the other one's more drapey and they both feel very Gender to me :)#//holy shizzle how do people draw clothes like that. woah dude what th. woah man waoh#the answer is probably Real Life References but. auhghuh.#//the blu3 space playlist is a Mess (a mess that i haven't tried to listen to since the first/last time cuz the vibes were Disorganized if#u knoy wadda mean) so i Need to work on it buuuuttttttttttttttt#i dun wanna but also i really need to cuz i. well idk why but i'll figure that out later#//holy frizzle i haven't opened word in like. at least a minute [i t ' s b e e n l i k e t h r e e w e e k s-]#i really gotta get on that. [lays down and ignores the world AND my little fantasies]#really though new music that makes my entire system go 4000 mach always gets me making stuff lol#just gotta figure out how to concentrate that into pure undisturbable focus ;v;#//just remembered an older writing thing from like. idk when but i DO remember it was fun to write and i disappoint myself every time i#reread and it isn't finished </3#//art art ar ta rta rta ar ta rt ar tr ar ta r ta tra t a tr a t a tart ar t rat ar t art ar t art a rt a tr at ra ta#i'm so lukewarm to it right now auhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ;=;#didn't mean to put a = but ykno what#//how. how body ? i haven't studied the actual human form Ever and i feel like that fact stares me in the eyes every time i draw hbvka#//anyway. also [telepathically beaming Something at all the cool art i see]#that is all#it's 12:08 now lol i think my leetol Brayn is melting
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"give me a beer, a lullaby, and a word in my ear" -guy at a speed dating event in my dream
#dream log#also had a dream that this green alien came up to me on the street and like wanted me to pick it up and take it somewhere#the like video game objective changed to#changed to go home#but i didnt know where that was so i just started running#but as i. running the alien is like bouncing and it starts blushing#and later when i put in down to kind ageg my bearings its like super wet#between the legs and im like. oh man i think i need to fuck this thing#and i know theirs a game mechannic where you can have sex in bushes and stiff but im like 'no ill just go home first' but when i pick the#alien back up i get a 'failed objective' notification cause i never made it home i guess :(#and another dream. i was back in middle school math. there was a seat that was right infront of and right next to two people i was friends#with plus super close to my crush (other side of my friend) and there was a guy sitting there#but he was like. literally a fly. so i snapped and he just dropped dead.#and i got to sit there. my friend then was like “see this?” and pointed to her lip#and i wa slike “yeah” even though i didnt see anything#and she was like “you can hide a lot of your burdens but you cant hide a hickey” and i was like. man. am i supposed to do somehting sbout#that? idk im pretty sure this is a dream. did she actually say this to me before? am i supposed to do somehting now?“. but then the dream#ended#THEN these are out of order but then i had a dream i was in some sort of summer camp thing? people kept going home. my friend M. went home#home and left me a bunch of her clothes. one of the guys asked some sort of question about sleeping with him. and i was like “no? lol.”#then i invited a different guy to come watch me change and that first guy was i guess also in the room and was like “you know people can se#you through the window right?“ and i was like ”duh. its ohio. thats kinda the point.“#so. whatever that one means.#THEN last one THEN my cousin drove me to an abandoned trailer to explore and it had “too lo” or something spray painted on it or somehting#so then he finished the word to say “too long” or somehting of that nature. and then spray panted the handle of the door blue#and we went in side but the inside was all done up? like really fucking fancy#the kitched was completely lainted in this van gogh style and my cousin goes “this isnt haunted... its fixed up.”#so wel left. i think be showed me something else before that too but i dont remember#in the summer camp one i spent a long time trying to find these snake/pomegranate earings? they were blue abd green
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me writing the Kaine parts of my AU timelines like, "i need to make sure the contract killing background is realistic in my fanfiction about a superhuman clone who can shoot silk cement spikes out of his wrists"
to be fair i do also have a bunch of comic book pseudoscience bullshit in my notes about both the cloning and the spikes so really it's just all in line with everything else
#i am also a big proponent of the whole Internal Consistency and believability vs realism as applied to sff as a set of genres#like is dinosaurs any less realistic than rapid human cloning or nanobot swarms? no. but it isn't tonally consistent#could i allow for resurrection in this setting outside of The Other? i could. is it tonally consistent? ehhh could go either way#similar-ish applies to basically everything in the story from the pseudo science i put behind cloning to kaine's status as assassin#(spoiler alert: he's not much of a badass assassin and i actually decided not to include the assassin's guild at all for my purposes)#(it's not that he's not capable or frightening it's that he is not exactly in a position to do high profile work)#nadia rambles#arghwrites#came in through the window last night#not working on it at this moment of typing i was just thinking about it for reasons i already forgot#for a bit in the story which will probably only be vignettes kaine is essentially doing survival contract work#varying from killing people to scaring them or slashing tires for not a whole lot of money which then mostly goes to like...#heroin and motel rooms while he steals medicine and food and clothes but still barely has anything to his name#that's mostly in between plot stuff that like i said will probably be mostly vignettes#though it does give me space to work outside of ''this is just the lost years''... lol#i still need to write the entire beginning of the houston fic and also some other plot stuff but when i say it's taken me a year#to hammer out plot elements i am not exaggerating. actually still don't 100% have some of the beginning stuff down#i am not interested in just novelizing scarlet spider so there's a lot of pruning involved and thinking about the context of my AU#though it still retains more of kaine's existing 616 plots than *anything* i've written for peter which does kind of bug me#idk writing is hard
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Me when they are the sisters ever: 😭😭😭 They came out soooo freaking well. I won’t lie, they took me a thousand years to finish but through the constant support from all of my buds (and my latent bisexuality), we made it 😤
Hopefully you guys know the deal by now: design choices, easter eggs, and (NEW!) closeup shots below the read more. ⬇️
I wanted Ace to have a very down-to-earth vibe and looked at Aussie beach-girls, coastal cowgirls, and vaqueras for reference. (IDK, I’ve just always envisioned Ace as part-Australian🌺 and Mexican 🏴☠️) Her clothing choices are mostly natural or utilitarian materials like the painted wooden beads on her top, her woven fabric and leather belts, and her denim jumpsuit. I gave her bikini top a zen-garden kind of feel because I read the first Ace’s Story Novel and I loved how idyllic and peaceful they made Sixis Island sound so I wanted to invoke that in some way.
Speaking of her painted wooden beads, they hang off the back of her top and represent her connection to Sabo and Luffy. They watch her back once she sets sail. She only wears one red glass bead earring because the other one got ripped out of her ear when a child, leaving her earlobe torn (don’t think about it too much 😢). Also, YES! she does wear a hibiscus flower just like Rouge (because I hate you and I want to make you cry, muhwahahahaha).
Also, I really wanted her to have super textured curly hair that licks behind her like flames. I am always considering whether or not a character should have long hair or not because I don’t want it to be a hindrance if they’re in a fight (or if they ARE a fighter with long hair, how to they avoid an enemy making use of that?). Ace is, of course, a Logia-type Devil Fruit User so I think she wouldn’t have trouble with people grabbing it LOL I get the feeling that she doesn’t take very good care of it even though it looks amazing. Like you’d think it would be soft and bouncy just by looking at it but if you ever get the chance to run your fingers through it, it’s a total rat’s nest and there’s sand and food all up in it. She still falls asleep while eating 😂 but she tries her best to only do it around people she can trust (woman moment 😔).
Honestly, her design is not that different from Ace’s canon look. It feels really vital to Ace’s character to have a lot of skin showing. And he’s always hanging all over himself with his hips all cocked like the weight of the world is too much to stand up straight. It is certainly not my OWN preference to make her an absolute smoke show. That’s just the character, okay? (I’m partially lying and the proof is that I turned the emblem on Ace’s hat strap into a sternum tattoo for no other reason than that it is sexy af.)
Here are some closeups of Ace:
Now for Sabo, I’ve made her very girly. I tried putting her in pants or something more militant but she told me that she’d wear the big poofy sleeves and hiked-up ruffled skirt. I think Sabo has always had a strong grasp on his fashion sense and individual flair and I truly believe that his personal style is one of the major influences for the rest of the Revolutionary Army resulting in the very flashy, queer, steampunk aesthetic (aside from Dragon’s plain-ass cloak). So of course I had to implement her nonconformist look when reimagining her as a woman and dress her up to the nines.
I’ve given her very ornate jewelry that is there to tell a story, even if she herself doesn’t know it. I like to think she picks up stuff from her travels that resonate with her, such as a damaged set of earrings with one stone missing or red cup-shaped shells featuring three nestled pearls. Another accessory that cannot go unmentioned is her dragon claw hat pin that keeps her top hat resting on top of her hair (and is definitely used as a weapon when the situation simply doesn’t call for trusty metal pipe). She also has a veil that obscures her prominent facial scar. I imagine she’s not very keen on the reminder of the incident from her childhood that took away her memories. I also kept her chipped toothed because 1) it’s fucking adorable and 2) is a visual reminder that she no longer aligns herself with the nobility who would have gotten such a thing fixed. She is so poised in almost every outward facet of her life from her dignified role as the Chief of Staff to the elegant materials in her clothing that it can be easy to forget she was also a rough and tumble forest dweller. Every time Koala remembers this, he lets out the biggest sigh.
Her hair is inspired by Gibson Girls and Elizabeth Swann from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I wanted it to be fussy and tidy but fall apart when she’s in moments of distress. For example, when she remembers her sisters, her hair starts to look like Ace’s flaming mane. I’m so in love with her, I think she looks like an adorable little porcelain doll that would fuck you up. I made an effort to keep her eyes a little bit manic. I get lost in her steely black orbs (and also Ace’s warm brown ones, but we’re talking about Sabo rn).
Here are her close-ups:
Plot notes for this AU:
For this series of character designs, I wanted the expressions and outfits to be aligned with the canon plot but I don’t know if I have the heart to kill fem!Ace in my AU. I’m too attached and ASL has suffered enough!!!!! But Ace’s death is also a major defining moment for Luffy so it feels disingenuous to completely avoid it. Also a huge aspect of Sabo’s character is carrying on Ace’s will and I have so many thoughts about how the Dressrosa Colosseum scene would play out if they were all women. Oh well, I’ll cross that tragic bridge when I get to it. I’m definitely going to draw some Modern AU Girl Piece ASL though. They deserve to hang out with no stakes 😭 They are sisters!!!
Check out the tag “girl piece” on my blog for my other One Piece genderbends! 🥰
#girl piece#one piece#one piece fanart#genderbend#portgas d ace#revolutionary sabo#ace#sabo#fem ace#fem sabo#fire fist ace#flame emperor sabo#asl brothers#asl sisters#op fanart#character design#cowgirl#steampunk#marineford spoilers#dressrosa spoilers#girl piece original design
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even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.
they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!
when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.
if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.
at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.
it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.
but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.
and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."
it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.
someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.
more often for me, life was a drowning.
#warm up#spilled ink#writeblr#it's hard to explain bc i do like the acceptance but it's like the ocd thing#autism is . an entire neurotype. yes we get 'cool autism powers' but we mostly say that#for OUR sake. on the autism website.#the cool autism powers do come with like. quality of life problems.#girl being in a room with LEDs gives me a headache. so you can kind of imagine how that might#in some way#influence my ability to function#will defend self diagnosis to the death as long as it is CLEAR AND LEGITIMATE. not like.#oooo i struggle talking 2 women i must be autistic#girl what. i struggle with the act of TALKING.
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Neat Freak
Steve’s parents don’t make him keep the house spotless. He really is just that clean and when Nancy tries to tell people there like “lol, sure” but she knows.
He’s a neat freak.
When she would stay over she would change into her pjs and make a small bundle of her day clothes on his desk chair, and steve would just. Fold them. Before getting in bed with her.
Doesn’t take long after for the others to realize it.
Robin thought it was just a guy thing, caring that much about their car. Scolding her for kicking her socked feet up on the dash, and leaving crumbs of toast when she had breakfast to go.
But then she visits his house the first time and Robin has never been good at using a coaster, too scatter brained to pay attention where she sets her drink down each time.
Steve, though? Without missing a beat he will move her glass to the coaster. Every time. Doesn’t even break his strike or pauses his conversation it’s just muscle memory by now.
The kids have had their will broken and no longer put up a fight.
Without being told to anymore, they toe off their shoes and hang their coat by the doorway. They don’t even do that in their own home. How Steve was able to get those wild animals house broken? No body knows.
His mom didn’t actually choose his room decor. It looks a bit barren but Steve likes it that way. It looks clean, easier to do so, too. Everything has its place tucked away from sight so it’s not an eye sore.
Even his plaid wallpaper and curtains he chose for himself. He spent all day finding the curtains that matched the closest and he was really proud of himself when found some.
“Steve, buddy, this looks mental.”
“But look,” (closest the curtains to show that even the pattern lines up seemlessly) “you almost can’t even see the difference between the wall and fabric. It’s like magic! It’s cool!” >:(
He’s very meticulous about his appearance. Dustin is absolutely flabbergasted when he sees his full hair routine for himself. Everything must be done a certain way in a certain order every time. It’s routine.
“Three puffs of the Farah Fawcett! THREE!”
“I DID THREE.”
“YEAH, BUT YOU DID THEM WRONG.”
When they discontinue it, Steve has a mini breakdown. He doesn’t like that his very specific and set routine has been broken. He’s convinced he’ll never find a hair spray to replace it. Everybody stocks up on cans of it to try and lower his anxiety.
He just loves cleaning, okay?
Ironing his kakis and polos until there are no wrinkles is so satisfying. Glass without finger smudges is so nice. His closet being organized by color is so efficient. When he’s worried, anxious, or angry he likes to keep his hands busy and it just calms him down going ham on a water stain in the bathroom.
When he hangs out at Eddie’s, he mindlessly starts picking things up here and there. It’s like heaven for him. He sees a mess and just wants to go to town. Eddie doesn’t mind as long as he knows where everything is in the end. He’ll admit that having his music organized alphabetically is pretty convenient.
It’s also a little funny to watch Steve iron his ripped jeans and battle jacket with an iron he brought from home.
“You’re a freak, Harrington.” Eddie has a shit eating grin. Steve flips him off.
“Fuck off.”
#steddie#steddie headcanon#steddie prompt#steve harrington prompt#steve harrington headcanon#neat freak steve harrington#anyone else like cleaning?#I love organizing stuff by color#it’s calming#bee speaks#steve harrington#platonic stobin#stobin headcanon#pre stancy#stancy#pre steddie#babysitter steve harrington
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slut me out | njm x fem!reader
i.e you needed to give your situationship the time of his life after seeing his instagram story.
word count: 2.8k (not proof read)
content warning: situationship, open ending, smut lol, oral (m. rec.), fingering (f. rec.), explicit sex, unprotected sex(no!), creampie, lmk if i missed anything thanks!
author's note: two fics in one day! can we believe this LOL. would you guys be surprised if i said that i have a mark one that i'm hoping to finish and it'll be queued up for tomorrow morning/afternoon. i hope you all enjoy this fic and as always, dedicated to my crazy and delusional bffs. likes & reblogs are appreciated as always. requests are open till october 5th! i'm still working on my jay fic, and hoping to have that out by tuesday!!
“you’re fucking crazy,” you said once the phone picked up after the first ring, “you can delete that story, i saw it.”
jaemin let out a hearty laugh, “hmm? but jisungie looks so cute, what if one of my followers wants me to put them on with him?”
you jeer, fingering hovering over the red button on the screen, “you definitely could’ve posted him without making sure your shirt is unbuttoned and they can see the chain that i bought you peeking through. what if they’re crazy like me?”
“don’t worry, nobody has you beat in that department.” jaemin added quickly, “you can come over if you want.”
did you want to? absolutely. you needed to rock his world so hard that it was likely to be rated a category 9.5 earthquake.
“you can come to me,” you quipped back, “and hurry up, i dont have a lot of patience. don’t change either.”
“you’re so demanding,” jaemin whined, a glint of playfulness evident in his voice, “i have to stop at my other hoe’s house first, but i’ll be there.”
“not even funny.” you hung up the phone, rolling your eyes.
focusing back on your room, you jumped up in a panic. you needed to change and also pick up the clothes you had thrown all over the place.
realistically, you didn’t know if jaemin was kidding about seeing somebody else first, but if he wasn’t, you had about twenty minutes including traffic before he got to your place.
you shoved all the loose piece of clothing into whatever drawer or laundry basket they would fit into. doing a once over your room, you were satisfied with what you were able to do.
looking at your floor length mirror, you didn’t care too much about what you had on. a big t-shirt with snoopy playing baseball on the front.
easy access for jaemin, but you should probably change your dingy halloween panties from victoria secret into something cute.
perhaps pink? that seemed on brand for tonight’s theme.
you were digging through your underwear drawer looking for that lacey pink thong you got from the mall a few weeks ago when you heard a knock on your door.
“fuck,” you said, slamming the drawer shut to no avail and rubbing your hands down your hair to smooth out any frizz, “fuck.”
the knocking got louder, causing you to practically trip on air as you ran to grab the door.
“took your sweet time letting me in,” jaemin pouted. leaning against the doorframe when you opened it, “that mad at me?”
rolling your eyes, you pulled him in by his silky pajama shirt and closing the door behind him, “guess she wasn’t that good if you got here within the same hour of calling.”
jaemin smiled, dropping down onto your couch and sliding his shoes off, “i’d say she was pretty damn good if i got done quickly and i’m not here.”
you crossed your arms, scoffing at his comment and began to walk to your bedroom.
“you’re such a dick.”
“i heard that,” he said, jumping off the couch to chase behind you, “i'm just kidding y/n, you know it's just you."
"are you sure? cause you keep making comments about other girls, are you trynna compensate? i don't care if you see other people."
jaemin laughed at you for the nth time this evening, making you want to just slam your bedroom door in his face and lock him out, but unfortunately for you, seeing jaemin in those pink pajamas and gold chain sent you into borderline ovulation.
you grabbed jaemin by the arm, leading him to sit on your bed and standing between his legs.
"it's just you," jaemin reassured, a hand coming up to rub your hip gently, "just like driving you crazy 'cause i know you're really fucking insane."
jaemin got a whiff of your secret cloud perfume as you leaned down and kissed his neck gently.
"i'm going to turn you every way but loose tonight," you whispered into his ear, teeth grazing the shell of his ear, "and i'm gonna show you how insane i am over you."
a shiver went down jaemin's back as you kissed down his neck and to his adam's apple, making sure to suck dark marks into his skin before placing your lips on his.
his arms wrapped your waist, pulling you down into his lap as he deepened the kiss. your hands found their way entangled into his brunette locks, moaning as he slipped his tongue into your mouth.
the two of you fought for dominance over the kiss, though jaemin just wanted to put up a good fight before letting you win.
you then slipped your tongue into his mouth, removing your hands from his hair and moving them down to his shoulders.
you gently pushed him back and onto the mattress, letting your fingers skillfully undo his pajama shirt, enjoying the smooth silk under your fingertips before pulling the shirt open.
jaemin pressed his hips up, hoping to get a small bit of friction on his growing erection and moaning when you rut your own hips down.
pulling away from the kiss, your chest heaved as you did a lookover his body. his plush lips swollen and glossy with spit, dark splots decorating his skin from earlier, his own defined chest moving rapidly as he tried to catch his own breath.
"you look so pretty under me, jaem," you complimented, your fingers dancing across his exposed collarbones and down his gold chain, "a sight only i should be allowed to see."
jaemin exhaled heavily through his nose, "a sight only for you. . please, don't stop. i want you. . i need you so badly, y/n."
how could you deny such a request from a pretty boy completely at your disposal? you weren't a cruel or dumb woman, so of course you'll comply.
you leaned down to attach your lips to his collarbone, biting and sucking gently as you made your way down his chest.
moving the pink fabric away, you let your tongue teasingly flick at his nipple to elicit a whiny moan from his mouth before taking his nipple between your lips.
"fuck y/n," he groaned, "that feels so good."
smirking to yourself, you pull off and stand up. the boy's eyes widened, trying to hold back another whine because why did you pull off? and why are you standing?
"c'mon," jaemin said, voice cracking slightly, "don't be a tease."
"a tease?" you titled your head as he sat up on his elbows, "if you beg, i'll consider."
a bright red hue cascaded over jaemin's face at your request, but he couldn't get any more pathetic than he already looked.
"y/n," he pleaded, "please do something. i am so undeniably hard, and if i don't feel those pretty lips or pretty hands wrapped around my dick that i know you love, i will implode and you'll be out of a bomb dick appointment and home."
a laugh escaped, jaemin really knew what to say to make you give into him. it's why you liked him honestly. he was funny and charming, and did in fact have a great dick that drove you insane. you used to be normal before he stuck his dick in you.
jaemin reached forward, grabbing your hand and placing it over his boner. that action alone could've made you cum in your panties because pathetic jaemin was probably your favorite jaemin.
you instinctively wrapped your fingers around it the best you could while it was restrained in those silky pants, slowly jerking him off and watching a bead of precum stain the fabric.
"see how hard i am?" he asked, breathily, "all for you. all because of you."
stroking your ego was one of the many things jaemin was good at, so you decided to play nicely and give him something to relief this tension you could feel growing in his body.
"take 'em off," you said, releasing his cock from your grip, moving back to give him room, "show me that pretty dick, jaem."
if you weren't standing in front of him, you were sure he would've fell face forward onto your carpet from how fast he was trying to get his pants down and off his hips.
once they were at his thighs, you leaned forward and placed a chaste kiss on his lips before sinking down to your knees.
you were face to face with jaemin's cock, the tip an angry shade of red and precum still leaking from his slit.
spit began to pool inside your mouth the longer you looked at it, and you stuck your tongue out to swipe the precum dribbling from his cock.
jaemin moaned out, hands gripping the sheets beneath him, “stop. . put it in your mouth.”
you furrowed your eyebrows and looked up, “don’t make demands.”
the brunette’s jaw ticked, one hand coming up to your hair and the other grabbing the base of his dick.
he pushed your head back roughly, tapping the head of his cock on your lips and smearing more precum across, “don’t be a fucking tease.”
your eyes widened in surprise at the switch in jaemin's demeanor, but instead of giving him a hard time, you complied by opening your mouth for him.
without hesitation, jaemin shoved his cock into your mouth until it hit the back of your throat which caused you to gag and tears well up in your eyes.
"don't get sensitive now," he mumbled, swiping the tears from your face, "now be good and suck. show me why you're my favorite."
his favorite? you should been his fuckin' only like he said you were earlier. what is up with the inconsistency? he's gonna piss you off.
you used your tongue to lick the under part of his cock, pulling off to leave just the tip in your mouth.
jaemin's grip on your hair tightened, trying his best to let you have control, but wanting nothing more than to just fuck your throat until you're sobbing.
you pulled completely off his cock, bringing your hand to jerk him off while you used your tongue to lick a stripe on his balls and gently suck.
the brunette's eyes rolled back, a string of moans and high pitched whines leaving his throat as you continued to toy with his balls.
whenever your hand reached the tip, you would squeeze every so slightly, causing him to fuck into your hand.
jaemin was close, and you could tell by the way he was whimpering and trying to chase your hand.
you looked up at him, smiling to yourself before pulling off his dick completely, basking in his borderline sob at the loss of contact.
"why did you stop?" tears welled up in his eyes, feeling like he would explode, "you're so fuckin' mean."
cooing, you wiped tears away from his eyes like he did earlier, "cause i knew you were close, jaem."
he sniffled, grabbing you and pinning you down onto the bed in one swift motion.
sometimes, you forget how strong he can be, causing you to get even more wet if that was possible. your panties were sticking almost uncomfortably to your cunt, and you were hoping he would do something to relief that soon.
too lost in your own thoughts of pleasure, you didn't even realize jaemin was pulling your t-shirt up until the cool air hit your nipples.
he used his lithe digits to roll your perked nipples around, causing you to squeal at the contact.
"love the panties," jaemin teased, using one of his hands to snap the waistband against your skin, "so cute and so soaked. god, you really get off from anything as long as it's me, huh?"
"you fuckin' wish," you tried to bite, but it came out as a whimper when he pressed his hand against your core, allowing for some friction of pleasure.
"shhh," he said, "can't even muster an ounce of niceness when i'm about to fuck you?"
jaemin flicked your nipples, smirking at your almost pained moan before moving down to take your underwear off, eyes watching how they were sticking to your sopping cunt, "so wet for me, hm?"
you nodded your head in compliance this time, "all for you."
he swiped a finger up your slit, bringing it to his mouth and licking it clean, "taste so sweet, but act so so mean towards nana, wonder why that is?"
you huffed, hooking a heel behind his thigh and pulling him close so his cock would make some contact with your cunt, a noise escaping your throat when the tip came into rough contact with your clit.
"that needy? what was it you said earlier? beg. beg for it, dumb whore."
degrading was something you and jaemin never tried, but with how effortlessly it slipped out of his mouth, you wish he would've done it sooner.
"jaem," you grinded against his cock, "please fuck me, y'know you want to. please, i need it so badly."
jaemin just looked at you unimpressed, dragging his cock up and down your cunt, looking at how you falter when his tip catches your sensitive bundle of nerves, "beg more."
you wanted to burst into tears, he knows how much you want him, he can feel how wet you are and probably at more slickness slipping out as he teased you, "nana, please put it in. i'll stop being mean, promise. i need your cock--i need you. please fuck me."
his left hand came up to smooth your hair out, smiling all his pearls at you as he slowly pushed the fat tip of his cock into you, finally.
jaemin slowly pushed himself into your cunt, moaning at how easily you took his cock, letting his hand fall from your hair and place pressure on your clit.
"it's like you were made for me, fuck" he gritted his teeth, thrusting shallowly into you, "taking me so well every time, your cunt just fuckin' sucks me in.. ha."
all you could do was moan in response, eyes rolling back when jaemin's gold chain smacked you in the nose, "fuck, too good."
jaemin rubbed your clit roughly as he picked his pace up, hips snapping against yours as your arousal ran down your thighs and his balls, creating a wet sound between the two of you.
you clenched around jaemin's cock, letting out high pitched noises of pleasure as he fucked you harshly, the knot in your stomach tightening and traveling down your pelvis.
"fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck" you cried, placing your hand on his lower abdomen and trying to push him away, but he quickly snatched it and held it above your head, "jaem, fuck, please, it's too much."
jaemin ignored your pleas, "y'know you can take it, stop trying to run from it."
when jaemin snapped his hips harshly once more, you felt that knot in your stomach break and ecstasy overtake your senses.
you couldn't even muster the feeling of embarassment from how good you felt when liquid practically sprayed your thighs and jaemin's abdomen.
the boy tapped the head of his cock on your clit, groaning loudly as you continued to squirt before roughly showing himself back into you.
"jaemin," you squealed, back arching up, "i can't! i can't."
"you can," he said, fucking you harshly, feeling himself getting closer and closer, "and you will take this dick. you wanna whine about other people havin' it so bad, take it, slut."
with jaemin fucking you so soon after an intense orgasm, all you could do was sob and mumble his name. it wasn't going to take you long to cum again, and jaemin could tell about how you were clenching on his dick.
your fingers dug into his shoulders, creating red crescents as his chain smacked you over and over again, his orgasm approaching any second.
"i'm so close, angel." he whined, his thrusts starting to stutter and slow down, "fuck, can i come inside please?"
"o-of course," you nodded your head, your own orgasm approaching once more, "please cum in me."
one more snap of jaemin's hips and he let out a loud moan, stilling himself as white hot ropes of his cum began to fill you and create a creamy ring around his cock, "fuck, you were too good."
he began to thrust slowly to ride out your orgasms, kissing your forehead and whispering sweet praises into your ear.
once you pushed his chest away to let him know he was overstimulating you, he pulled out completely and laid next to you, chest heaving rapidly.
"y/n." he turned on his side, "i really do like you."
you smiled, grabbing his hand and intertwining your fingers, "i really like you too jaemin."
he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek and pulled you closer to him, "it's always been just you."
end!
#nct dream imagines#nct dream smut#nct dream hard hours#nct dream hard thoughts#na jaemin imagines#na jaemin smut#na jaemin hard hours#na jaemin x reader#jaemin smut#jaemin hard hours#jaemin hard thoughts#jaemin imagines
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I just had some ideas I wrote in the tags for how that could go down in universe @raincitygirl76
#the added caption made me get an idea#this happens on the same day after Wille's speech obvious from all their clothes#wille has just come out and he and simon smiled at each other and since students filmed it it's probably already online#and then they film this video having fun and the queen is smiling in the background - it's the perfect PR#crown prince wilhelm showing off his boyfriend. seeing them be cute and silly together - an immediate plus for the public#and would quickly earn them popularity amongst the people#and it also cleverly has the queen in the background looking at them with a smile and seeming peaceful and relaxed#which shows that she knows and approves of the relationship#a perfect moment that comes across as random and domestic and will be put on the social media accounts of the royal family#simon would also get a new public instagram account and be instructed to post it on there as his first post#(he would have to delete his old account and he can make a new private one that's not meant for the public)#and so this becomes a perfect introduction to the new queer royal couple :)#just imagine it without the set equipment standing around lol#or maybe not. maybe they would have stuff like that lying around. they're there for a televised event after all#and the equipment being visible could add to the charm of this being 'improvised' and feeling like it's more in the moment#and not a perfect orchestration with it looking super clean#wilmon#i guess i'm tagging them#edvin ryding#omar rudberg#cast#video
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