#i just miss hating people who weren’t so fucking cringy)

[seldnei]

My most Boomer take is that evil should have some fucking dignity.

[noteguk]

i was wondering how bad influence! jk and oc started interacting? like what made them start talking

[ ! ] this dabble is a prequel to “bad influence”

— words; 1.6k

~

Your professor was looking at you with expectation, the small piece of paper hanging between his fingers like the sword of Damocles over your head. You were staring at him in silence for a few seconds now, and the whole situation was starting to get awkward. 

“So,” he pressed on, dangling the paper in front of your eyes. On it, the name and phone number of one of your classmates. “What do you say?” 

When he asked you to stay after class, you expected it would be something related to tutoring. Your professor had mentioned it in passing a few times before, so it wasn’t exactly a surprise when he told you he had found you someone who really needed your assistance. You were beaming with joy for precisely a minute and twenty one seconds until he revealed the name of your student. 

Jeon Jungkook. 

Before you had any chance to muster an excuse for why you couldn’t — under any circumstance — get close to someone like that, even less tutor him, your professor already had his card up his sleeve. “It’ll be good for your curriculum.” 

And you said yes in a heartbeat. 

~

Jungkook was predictable. You knew that he would be late (after all, his cringy bad boy persona would never allow him to follow one single rule in his life), you just didn’t know it would be almost two-hours-late. By the point that you saw that hurricane in human form walking into the library, you had already finished your homework for the entire week. 

He had the nerve to smirk at you, and you swore an oath to yourself that you wouldn’t present him with the irritation he was expecting. And you didn’t — with all the patience and kind-heartedness that your parents had pushed down your throat your entire life, you put on your best commercial smile and greeted him like he was just in time. 

“Well, now that you’re here, let’s start with the basics and go over some defense cells.” You tugged the heavy Immunology book towards you, quickly flipping the pages towards the chapter that you had chosen for that first session. Jungkook had already taken his typical slouched position on the chair next to you, looking like he was about to slide down to the carpeted floor. “I’d like to know how familiar you are with it, though. Can you start by telling me about the types of lymphocytes?” 

He chuckled, running one hand through his hair. “I have no idea what that shit is.”

You took a deep breath and ignored the irritation that was building up on your stomach. You didn’t know how someone could be so indifferent about everything. “Well... that’s why I’m here,” you managed to keep your voice cheerful. 

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re here because you wanna get paid, princess. No need to play the Good Samaritan.”

You thought about telling him that you weren’t getting paid, but the idea wasn’t the best one. He’d probably mock you even more for wasting your Friday afternoon tutoring in the name of your curriculum. Not that he knew the importance of that, anyways. 

“This is some bullshit.” Jungkook rested his head on his crossed arms, lying over the table, pushing away your pens and notebooks as he did so. His black hair fell over his features as he grouchily mumbled out, “I don’t even know why I chose this class, it has nothing to do with my major.”

You were surprised that he was even majoring in something, instead of just frequenting the campus as an excuse to meet girls. “Well, I can't answer that for you, can I?” You asked, tapping on his book’s hardcover. That little antibody drawing was staring at you in a silent mockery, wondering if you’d be able to make him study — or even care about anything. “But I can help you with the rest. Now, come on. Types of lymphocytes.”

His eyebrows came down to form a confused frown. Jungkook would’ve probably given you the same reaction if you had just called his mother all the filthy names you could think of. “You’re really trying to teach me?” He asked. “Like, for real?” 

You sighed. The time you taught your little cousin how to read was less frustrating than that. “It’s kind of my job as a tutor, you know.”

Jungkook rose from his position and leaned back against the chair, his arms crossing before his chest. Beneath them, his strong pecs stressed against the fabric of his white shirt, but you refused to look. “You know that you can just pretend to teach me, I can pretend to learn, and you’re gonna get your credits anyways, right?” He asked as if you were the stupidest person he had ever met. “You don’t need to actually put in the effort, princess. Especially since I don’t give any fucks about immunology.” 

If he called you that stupid pet name one more time, you swore you were going to knock him out. “Well, I’m already here, I’d rather do things right.”

He scoffed, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes. “God, you’re so booooring,” he groaned. “Don't you have some charity work to do or something?” 

“I’m doing it right now.” You smiled. “I can see that you’re really trying to fail this class, don’t get me wrong. But I’m just trying to do my job—“

“Boooooring,” he sang, louder than the librarian would ever allow if she was close enough to hear him. Jungkook looked back at you, his eyes narrowed. You couldn’t really tell if he was disgusted or just annoyed. “Why do you even care? It’s just some stupid class, it doesn’t even matter. I’ll tell the professor you taught me everything and we can both go home.” 

“I can’t do that,” you said, firm. 

“Why not?” 

“First of all, because that’s wrong,” you told him. Just as you were about to say that, also, his unavoidable horrible grades would make clear that he hadn’t learned shit (which would make you look like a clown instead of a tutor), his laugh ruptured your sentence. 

“Oh, come on. You’re kidding me.” He smiled brightly — not a tender one, of course, but one full of perverse mockery. You had never met someone as condescending as Jungkook, and he was managing to push every single button inside you. “That’s wrong? What are you, six?” 

You frowned. “You’re the child here, just trying to find a easy way out instead of putting in the eff—“ 

“What are your dreams, princess?” He interrupted again, leaning his head to the side. You really, really, really hated him. “Wait, no, let me guess. A family, a suburban house, and a dog? A nine to five? Something like that? Having your husband cheat with the babysitter before you’re forty?”

Some part of you knew that he was just trying to make you so angry that you would give up on tutoring him. Jungkook didn’t know that you wouldn’t throw away your obligations so quickly, but he was able to make you mad enough to get an answer. “What are yours?” you spat, kindness long forgotten. “Remaining unemployed, talentless, mentally trapped in your twenties, and fucking desperate milfs for money until you die from an early overdose?” 

If your priest had heard you talk like that, he would most surely faint. 

Jungkook, however, didn’t seem so horrified. In fact, his disgusted smile quickly morphed into a diverted one, a chuckle leaving his lips. “Uh,” he mumbled. “Interesting.”

The shame from your previous outburst was starting to weigh down on you, but you managed to keep it undercover. “What?” 

“Didn’t know you had a mouth on you,” he said, clearly entertained. In a way, you were glad that he hadn’t taken your words to heart, because he could probably snap you in half if he was feeling like it. “You’re always so shy and shit. I thought you were going to cry.” 

“I’m not shy,” you spoke, defensive. You had gotten close to shedding a couple tears, but he didn’t need to know that. You hated confrontation. “I just don’t wanna talk to people like you unless I’m obligated to.” 

He raised his eyebrows — a silent threat. “People like me?”

There was a second of hesitation from your part that Jungkook didn’t miss. “Yes.” You couldn’t hold his piercing gaze. As much as Jungkook was annoying the shit out of you, you didn’t actually want to have a full-blown argument with him. Especially on university grounds. “People who can’t even tell me about lymphocytes. Now, are you done with your victimization session? Can we start, or do you wanna tell me more about how you’re burning college money and you are so superior because of it?” 

He chuckled and looked you up and down — actually looked at you. Weirdly enough, it felt like the first time that Jungkook was actually seeing you, and not the empty shell of a stereotype that he had built for you in his peanut-sized brain. “You’re really trying here, aren’t you?” He asked. 

You didn’t know if he was talking about the tutoring session anymore, but you decided not to bite. “Is that a sin now?” And, before he could say anything else, you added, “Page 124. Come on. Unlike you, I don’t have all day to sit around doing nothing.” 

He smirked. “You’re more fun than you look, princess.” 

And, for the first time, Jeon Jungkook wasn’t predictable — he actually opened the book on the page you told him to. 

~

One hour later, he was already dozing off, a small puddle of saliva accumulating on top of his chaotic notes. Still, you counted that as a victory. 

~

BAD INFLUENCE COLLECTION

[seokjins-luigi]

just say goodnight n go | chapter 03.

pairing ↠ jin x reader, fuckboy!jungkook x reader

genre ↠ college au | love triangle | strangers to lovers | slow burn | fluff, angst, smut | multi-chapter

word count ↠ 8.9k

18+ | warnings ↠ grivieng character, a little bit of jealousy, swearing.

summary ↠ when your mother passes away, you go back to your college student life, only to find out the guy you liked (and were friends with benefits with) had a girlfriend now. trying to get over him and your mother’s passing, seokjin, the friend of a friend wants you to give him a chance. will you find your way back to yourself?

A/N  ↠ so I’m back with another one andtoday I offer a lil bit of fluff with kim seokjin! YES!! on this one I decided to insert some poorly edited social media au (?). is it cringy? also this one is longer than the previous chaps, is it too long? please lemme know. anyway, I hope you enjoy this story and feel free to give me your honest feedback.

and also here’s a playlist for you to listen while you read :)

⋘ Ch 02

“Of course you can say whatever you want, if you find the elements to support your arguments, but I can always disagree if I find elements to support my own counterarguments’’, Han gyosunim states running her eyes through the classroom, so she could make brief eye contact with all of your classmates. “So, yes, Cha Songwook-ssi, you can write in your paper that you believe the gothic movement bases its aesthetics on German Expressionism, you only need to convince me”.

It was always him. Always Cha Songwook with his never ending questions (most of them stupid) hampering the professors from dismissing their classes. Seriously, this guy… Can’t he just write whatever the fuck he wants and wait for the goddamn evaluation?

Han gyosunim looks at her watch and, then, starts again.

“Well, our time today is up… If you have any more questions you can email me anytime, ok? Wish you all a pleasant day!”

You gather your stuff calmly, stuffing them into your backpack. You greet your professor on your way out as you head towards the door.

In the corridor, you run into two girls who are attending the same classes as you this term. As you took a leave of absence, your actual classmates were one semester ahead of you, Jungkook for example, was one of them. So you had to mingle again, in case you skipped any classes, you’d have someone to lend you their notes. They recognize you and flash you warm smiles.

“Y/n! We didn’t have any chance to catch up… I’m happy to see you’re back”, Hyori, the redheaded one, says, looking at you with kind eyes. “How are you? We are very sorry for your loss”.

The dreaded question pops up again. Poor thing, she’s just trying to be nice, but you really did not feel like explaining anything, especially to someone who wasn’t exactly close to you. Of course you weren’t fine… Why do people insist on asking?

“Thank you, Hyori. I think I can say I’m getting by”, you laugh awkwardly. “What about you, girls? How are things?”

“We’re ok”, the other one, Jinshil, replies. “Definitely did not miss college, but ok”.

You join her and laugh a very plastic laugh, trying to be as nice as you can. You hate small talk with every fiber of your being.

“I kind of did, surprisingly. I’ve postponed taking Photography as much as I could, though, but here I am now. Not as bad as I thought, but it’s still bad”.

“Yeah, I didn’t know you hadn’t taken Photography yet, so I was surprised to see you there”, Hyori points out. “I also thought I’d hate it, but it turns out I love Han gyosunim’s classes”.

“Yeah, she’s… great. An inspiring woman, right?”, you try.

You see the girls eyes fixating on something behind you, appalled. Jinshil’s jaw drops and you can’t help but to follow their gaze, only to find Jungkook walking towards you. A warm smile hangs on his lips when you turn to look at him. He is dressed in a light blue sweatshirt that made him look amazing, as always.

“Hello, ladies”, he smiles at the girls and turns to you, bumping his shoulder playfully into yours. “Hey, what are you up to?”

“This was my last class today”, you state pointing to Han gyosunim’s classroom with your thumb. “So, I’ll be heading home to take a well deserved nap”.

He laughs and it feels like music to your ears.

“Why did I even ask?”, he shakes his head at you. “Anyway… If you girls need any help with this class, don’t hesitate to ask, ok? Photography isn’t exactly an easy one”.

“Aww, thanks, oppa!” Jinshil says a little too excited for your taste.

But then again, you had no right to feel any type of way.

“No need to call me oppa, Jinshil, I’ve already told you that”, he states it with a grin, his eyes looking like small crescent moons. He was passive aggressively trying to be nice. “Anyway, I’ll get going, just wanted to say hi”.

Both Jinshil and Hyori say their faintly sly “goodbyes” to Jungkook at the same time, which makes him laugh a bit.

“Bye, Kook”, you wave your hand at him.

“I’ll see you later today, right? At the house? Namjoon hyung will be there too”, he says, already walking away backwards, so he could still look at you as he spoke.

“Hmm, no promises, I need to start studying for Photography, but maybe I’ll swing by”.

“Oh, come on, Y/n!” He furrows his brows. “You know what? I’ll ask Jimin to convince you”.

“I do need to study, Kook”, you dismiss him with your hands.

“We’ll see”.

Scrunching his little nose as he smiled at you, looking like a cute little bunny, he waves goodbye and turns around, walking away. You can’t take your eyes off him until he’s disappeared from your sight. Well, that’s your cue, enough small talk for today. As you turn to face the girls again, you notice they are looking at you with curious expressions. Weird.

“Y/n… Can I ask you something?” Jinshil starts.

“Yeah, sure”, you reply curiously.

“Was the break-up peaceful?”

“Whose break-up?!” you ask, cocking one of your eyebrows, with a dumbfounded expression.

What the fuck?

“Well, you and Jungkook… you broke up, right? He’s dating someone else now, isn’t he?” She asks again, speaking in a lower tone. “I thought you wouldn’t be speaking to each other after… You know?”

Again: what the fuck? What was she talking about? Did people know anything about you? And if they did, what the fuck does she have to do with it? “I’ll ask again, Jinshil, what break-up? Jungkook and I are friends! Where did that come from?” you try to soften your tone as much as possible, in an attempt to sound baffled by her assumptions.

Truthfully, you just wanted to say “mind your own fucking business”, but then again, you couldn’t even be rude, they were nerds, you’d need their help at some point, you knew it!

“Well… We all thought-”

“Sorry, you’re mistaken, sweetie. We are just friends”.

“Oh… ok”.

Hyori, who was, until this point, a silent listener decides to participate too.

“Y/n, I’m sorry, . Not sound like a gossip, but… Er… But, last year Park Woosung kinda saw you two, like, making out at one of his frat parties and… He kinda told some people, like, from our department. We all kinda knew you two dated since then. You two are always together, you treat each other like boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean, it was none of anyone’s business, but…”

Your own jaw drops by now.

“That’s why I asked… You two were pretty much a couple in everyone’s eyes”, Jinshil stated with an apologetic tone, looking you in the eyes. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything”.

You were still processing the new piece of information you have just received. Ok, so, pretty much all of your classmates and some other students from your department knew about you and Jungkook. Who else knows? That’s the question. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. If Namjoon ever finds out about it he’d be fucking pissed.

And now everyone probably pities you, since they all know you two were a thing. You still kinda are. You didn’t even know for, it was too fucking complicated already and people sticking their noses into it made it all worse. Fuck.

You laugh, that’s what you do. You try to sound convincing, you can say that. They look at you curiously, knowing you were about to spill some more gossip.

“Nah, it’s ok, sweetie”, you declare nonchalantly. You try, at least. “We are really just friends…It was a one time thing- The… What Park Woosung saw. We were drunk and you know? It happens, am I right? Anyway, I can hear my bed calling for me. Gotta go. See you later, ok?”

“Oh, ok. Sure. See you later”, Hyori waves her hand at you, looking a little awkward now.

“Bye, Y/n”, Jinshil follows, looking as awkward as her friend.

You turn around feeling disoriented, you just need to get as distant as you can from these girls. You definitely did not see it coming.

Fuuuuuuck.

To make matters worse, your situation with Jungkook was exactly the same, you two were still seeing each other in secret, only this time, it was behind his girlfriend’s back. And well, it’s not so much of a secret anymore, people were starting to notice there was something going on between you two, it was only a matter of time until someone else found out you were back “together”. You can already predict everything Eunjoo is going to say about this, if you decide to tell her.

You feel your phone vibrating in your pocket and you see a text from Seokjin.

jin [3:37 pm]: coffee? 🧐

You [3:37 pm]: yea, meet u there :)

“How can someone who studies filmmaking hate photography? That’s absurd”, Jin asks you dumbfounded.

You’re sitting next to him on a bench near his favorite coffee shop. You two were making a habit out of coming here for some much needed dose of coffee in the afternoon.

“Well, there are three hundred other things I can do in a movie set, you know?”, you ask, sitting beside him on the bench. “And I’m only complaining about the goddamn assignment, it’s only week 3! And also, don’t argue with the expert, ok?”

“You’re the one who started complaining about your gyosunim, you know? I just invited you for a coffee, you could’ve talked about the weather or I don’t know…” he takes a sip of his iced latte. “Now you’re gonna have to listen to my remarks”.

You roll your eyes at him and he laughs. Honestly, the thing Jin does the most in his existence is laughing. And he laughs like means it, like he’s actually enjoying the little things that happen every day. And, well, now you know him enough to know that he really is.

Your favorite thing about him is he’s not embarrassed of it. He feels genuinely comfortable in his own skin and that’s something you actually admire. Most of the time you spend together, you laugh at his gaudy laugh.

Being around him was, actually, a breath of fresh air. And you needed it desperately. You needed to feel like you were able to breathe again, without feeling the lingering sense of heaviness in your chest. And you are able to do that when he’s around. Your friendship is, in one word, refreshing.

“Do you mind?” You ask him, showing your pack of cigarettes.

“You know I don’t”, he answers with a soft tone, with the corner of his lips turned upwards.

You light up your cigarette, taking a long pull on it. You close your eyes for a second, feeling the instant relaxation the nicotine provides.

“As you told me to talk about the weather, here I go. It’s kinda hot today, isn’t it? Hate it”, you state it as you squint your eyes, looking at the clear blue skies. Today reminds you of a song Namjoon likes I wish I had a bullet big enough to fucking kill the Sun, I’m sick of songs about the summer and I hate everyone. Yeah, it was a good song. Also, your current mood.

“I mean, I hate it when I’m trapped between college and that stupid law firm”, he runs his hands through his hair, taking his fringe away from his eyes. He looks divine with his forehead exposed, his bleached locks messily parted to the sides highlighting how gorgeous his face looks.

Actually, Seokjin is bewitching. He didn’t only have a pretty face, he also had a very nice body combined with an amazing personality. He is a real knockout and especially right now, inside of a fucking tuxedo, it was unfair.

“But if the sun is still out on the weekend, we could go to the beach or something, what do you think? My family owns a house in Jeju, we could drive there on Friday night and come back on Sunday”, he continues.

“Yeah, I’d love to! Namjoon will be a hundred percent down too, he’s been talking about going to the beach nonstop”.

He bites his plump pink lips.

”Yeah… I was thinking more like, only the two of us… If you want to, of course”, he says it in a faint tone.

The invitation catches you off guard… Was he asking you on a date or something? A weekend in his family house? When did you two get to this level? Your brain was in full code red mode! You don’t want to say “no”, though.

But that’s the worst part, you didn’t feel like declining this invitation. Things between you and Jungkook were fine, weren’t they? Why did you feel like accepting an invitation to spend the weekend in Jeju island with another guy?

And why the fuck did Seokjin have to do that in person??? Doesn’t he know this kind of thing needs to be discussed with your friends first? The right thing to do was ask you via text message, so you could talk to Eunjoo before giving your final answer!! It’s the 21st century, doesn’t he know the rules? My God!

He cocks his head, never breaking eye contact. As much as his face remained stoic, you could see the anticipation in his eyes, they had a different blaze in them.

“It doesn’t have to be a date”, he tries again.

“Ok”, you just say it, flashing him a nice smile. “It’s nice of you, Jin”.

Well, fuck it. How could you say “no”? You definitely couldn’t. Not when he looked at you like that. So far, the only thing he wanted was to spend time with you, he never asked for anything in return. What’s the problem of spending a weekend with your friend? It’s a normal thing to do. It makes you soft… He makes you soft.

Fuck, why are you thinking those things about him? He’s just a friend.

“‘Ok’? Really? I thought you were about to say no”, he says, placing one of his hands on his chest dramatically. “It would be awful, I’d have to ignore you for the rest of my life”.

You laugh.

“Why?”

“Well, you’d hurt my ego, y’know? I’m not used to hearing ‘no’ when I ask someone out���, he replies with a smirk.

“You’ve just told me it doesn’t have to be a date, Kim Seokjin-ssi”, you squint, poking him on the chest with your free hand.

You take another pull at your cigarette, already feeling your head a little less heavy on your shoulders. Jin’s smirk still lingering on his lips. You could feel your cheeks burn as you blushed.

“Why are you smiling?”, you ask him, also smirking.

He doesn’t say anything and his eyes never leave you. Smirk untouched on his plump lips.

“Answer me!” You whine.

He parts his lips, but before any sound could leave his mouth, out the fucking blue, something hits your hand and your cigarette falls instantly to the floor. Dumbfounded, you look in the direction this sudden stroke came and you find a grumpy Namjoon, with his arms crossed, alongside a smiling Hobi.

The contrast, my friends…

“Really, Kim Namjoon-ssi?”

“You promised me you’d quit smoking, Y/n”, your brother states with an accusing tone.

“I will, but it’s a fucking process, you understand how the human brain works, don’t you, mister biologist? Give me time!” You point to the cigarette on the floor. “Also, this is pollution, you should know better”.

He huffs, but picks it up, putting it out on the metallic surface of the trash can and throws it away properly. Hobi and Jin just patiently watch the interaction between you and your brother, probably none of them feel like getting between family.

He, then, acts like nothing had happened, flashing a friendly smile in your direction, proudly showing his dimple to you.

“Hey, Jin, did Y/n invite you to come to the frat house tonight? There’ll be lots of tequila”, your brother asks, trying to sound as inviting as he could.

In the past few weeks, Eunjoo managed to persuade Namjoon into thinking it was a good idea to play matchmaking with you and Seokjin. So now he has joined her in the never ending quest to make the two of you fall in love. This was probably something he’d tell her later on today, how he “invited Seokjin over to the frat house so you two could spend more time together”. Both of them were positive you wouldn’t be able to resist much longer.

We’ll see. Only one of them knows about you and Jungkook and Eunjoo had a personal agenda against your relationship, so her opinion doesn’t count.

Jin cocks his brows and looks at you. You shake your head to him, furrowing your own brows.

“No, because my plans today involve studying fucking photography. I don’t know about you guys’ majors, but mine involves a hell lot of studying”, you turn to your brother as you answer him.

“Come on, Y/n! It’s gonna be just us”, Hobi gets closer to you, all excited. You notice he smells extra nice today.

“Is this a new perfume, Hobi?”, you sniff the air close to him.

“Yes! Why? Don’t you like it?” he asks hesitantly.

Weird, he’s always so confident. Luckily, Hobi’s mind works similarly to the mind of a toddler, you just need to keep on talking about his perfume and everyone else would have to stop talking about tonight’s gathering.

“I hope you do, cause it was fucking expensive!” He continues.

“He’s trying to smell nice for someone, don’t bother asking me who, because he refuses to tell us who it is. And since we’re here, Y/n, give him your female input, please”, Namjoon points to Hobi’s neck. “I can’t stand it anymore, he doesn’t stop talking about fucking perfumes… Maybe your opinion will make him drop the subject”.

“Woah, man, I have feelings, you know? Am I annoying you that much?”, he pouts.

“Nevermind my grumpy brother… Come here, Hobi”, you say, placing your hand on the side of his neck.

Hobi gets closer to you, tilting his head to the side so you could get as close as possible to his neck. You lean over to him, placing your nose on his warm skin, sniffing faintly and feeling the soft citrus scent emanating from him. It was really pleasant and if it was someone else’s neck, you’d be super turned one right now. Ok, maybe not in front of your brother, but you’d be dreaming about this neck for weeks.

Not that he was unattractive or anything, it’s just that Hobi wasn’t really your type, but you understand the appeal he had to the girls on campus. He is super cute, he has a heart of gold, a great sense of humour and he dances like a pro, his hips have a life of their own.

“So, what do you think?” he asks with doe-eyes, when he turns to face you again.

You hear Jin clearing his throat at your side.

“This might be the best scent I’ve smelled in my life, it’s amazing, Hobi, she’ll love it! Come back here…” you say as you place your hand back on Hobi’s neck, leaning over in his direction again.

“YAAA, Y/N! That’s enought” you feel Jin’s hands pulling you back by the hips, his big warm hands on your slim figure, as you let go of Hobi’s neck falling on your butt back on the bench you were sitting minutes ago. “Your coffee is getting cold, here”.

He states it, placing the plastic cup in your hands. You look at him dumbfounded. What is men’s problem? First of all, Hobi is your friend. Second of all, Jin is also just your friend.

Namjoon flashes you a grin, like he’s saying “see? Eunjoo and I are right about you two” with his fucking dragon eyes and throws an arm around Hobi’s shoulders.

“See? She will love it, now let’s get going…”, he kisses your forehead and waves Seokjin goodbye. “Text me when you get home, ok? Maybe I’ll spend the night at the frat house, not sure”.

“Ok, Joonie. Have fun”, you flash both of them a faint smile. “Bye, Hobi, good luck with your new girl”.

He mouths you a “thank you” and turns around, sprinting to join Namjoon, who was way ahead already, since he’s a fast walker due to his long legs. When you can no longer see Hobi and Joon, you look at Jin, who seemed to be way too busy with the lid of his cup to give you his attention right now.

“What was that about?”, the sound of your voice makes him look at you and you cock one of your eyebrows.

“What was what?”

“With Hobi… He’s my friend, you know?”

He smirks. He fucking decides to smirk right now. His fucking perfect smirk. Those white aligned teeth contrasting against his plump pinkish lips of his. He’s so goddamn handsome…

“Well, your coffee was getting cold… And I paid for it, you know? Didn’t want to hear you complaining it was spoiled and then throwing it away”, he states nonchalantly.

Of course, he always has a comeback.

“I see… Do you want your money back, then?”

“Of course not, in the future, I don’t want to hear you telling people that I made you pay for things on our dates”.

“Is this a date? I wasn’t aware”, you challenge.

“I didn’t tell you, because I was afraid you’d say no, but all of our coffees dates are actual dates in my mind”, he declares playfully as he checks his watch. “Hey, babygirl, I gotta get going, ok? Have to be in the office in 20”.

And yes, he had started calling you his babygirl.

Like, it wasn’t only that one time at the boys’ house, the pet name occasionally rolled off his tongue, like it was nothing and it always caught you off guard. You were fucking weak, you knew. You should definitely warn him you were already in a very complicated situation with Jungkook, you did not need to complicate things even further by stalling the guy.

But it was hard, ok? You are a human being, therefore, flawed. As you stated before, you are weak and your main weakness is: good-looking men. This is probably what got you into your “Jungkook situation” and that’s probably gonna lead you into a “Jin situation” in the near future. If only he was a little less… Well, a little less attentive, caring and a lot less handsome, you’d easily push him away. But yeah, you’re fucking weak.

And he’s a big boy, he should know better. He knows about you and Jungkook.

“Sure, Jinie”, you flash him a faint smile, as you get to your feet. “I’m trying to decide wether I should go home for a nap or be responsible and stay on campus so I can start working on that stupid fucking paper”.

“You know I’m older than you, right?”

“Yeah, why?”

“You should be calling me oppa instead of ‘Jinie’”.

“Oh, fuck you!” Despite your harsh words, your tone was light and playful.

“I mean it!” he gestures dramatically, again.

“No! I’m not calling you oppa, Seokjin!” You cut him off, while you suppress a laugh.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that… Anyway, you just told them how bad you need to study… I think you already have your answer”, he pats your head.

“Ugh! I know”, you confess as you roll your eyes.

“Then, let’s get going, I’ll walk you to the library”.

He says it as he grabs your hand, not entwining your fingers, just holding it like mothers do to their kids when crossing a street. It, again, catches you off guard. You don’t really know how to react, you just allow him to hold it, looking at his long fingers wrapped around your much smaller hand, guiding you through the gigantic campus.

You and Jungkook never held hands like this, in front of people, there was always a reason to hide. Holding hands in public made something in your chest feel warm. It felt nice.

You’ve been sitting on your ass for the last three and a half hours, reading a copy of “Cinematography: Theory and Practice”. If anyone asks, you’d never admit it, but it’s been a pleasant read (as pleasant as studying goes, of course). Photography isn’t that bad, actually.

Jungkook would laugh at you hard if you ever admit that. But, of course, you wouldn’t. You were a proudful human being.

Even though you didn’t come to the library as much as you should, whenever you do, you end up not really wanting to leave. Maybe it was the relaxing atmosphere or the smell of books, but there is something that makes you want to spend your whole day studying. Well, maybe that’s why libraries exist in the first place. And as much as you’d like to stay, you notice the sun is already set. It’s time to go.

While you gather your stuff, you check your phone and you notice that you hadn’t touched it this whole time. Both Jimin and Jungkook had texted you.

chim chim 🐥 [5:49 pm]: are u home?

chim chim 🐥 [5:49 pm]: if u are, can i come over after practice? real quick

You [7:11 pm]: sorry, i was studying. not home now, but i’ll be soon

You [7:11 pm]: and of course you can come over

You [7:11 pm]: see ya soon 💛

Now, thinking about it, you hadn’t had the opportunity to catch up with Jimin after that night at the frat house, it’d be nice to see him. He probably was going to try to convince you to leave your cave tonight, but he would never do it openly, so it would be easy to be evasive.

kookie [4:28 pm]: what the fuck have i just seen?

You [7:11 pm]: what?? now i’m curious

You [7:11 pm]: sorry i didnt see your text, kookie

You [7:11 pm]: i was studying

After that, you put your phone in your pocket and head home. All you could think of now was taking a hot relaxing shower.

“I know the situation is absolutely shitty, but don’t isolate yourself… Please”, Jimin asks you as he squeezes your cheeks. “Ok, cutie pie?”

“I’m not!” you jerk your head away from his grasp. “But some days are worse than others… I wanna stay in today, plus I really need to study, there’s an assignment that I need to start working on already. I also wanna spend some time with myself. I’m gonna play some relaxing piano tracks and get some work done, since I’ll have the house for myself. I’ll be ok, Chim, really”.

He raises his small pinky to you. Jimin’s hands are chubby and you’ve lost count of how many times you’ve bitten his fingers when you couldn’t resist its cuteness. He hates it.

“I pinky promise I’ll be ok”, you say as you hook your pinkies together.

“Ok, then, I’ll leave you to your paper”, he starts to walk towards the door, his gym bag hanging over his right shoulder.

He really came right after his dance practice, he looked a bit tired, you notice his black hair looked slightly messy under his white cap. It warms your heart seeing he cares enough to come over on a Thursday night just to check up on your dispirited ass, even though he probably had a long day too.

When he reaches the front door, he turns around with open arms, inviting you into a hug. You mimic his body posture and hook your body with his, as he wraps his arms tightly around you. Jimin’s hugs were always comforting and warm, it was just like hugging Namjoon, those kinds of hugs that make you feel like things are gonna be alright again. You’re gonna be happy again.

“If you need me, just text me, alright?” he whispers to you and you can feel the warmth in his voice. “It takes me less than ten minutes to get here”.

“Ok, Chim”.

“I love you”.

“I love you”.

Then, he turns around and leaves.

You’re finally alone. Closing the door after Jimin, you allow yourself to take a deep breath. You’ve been holding back tears pretty much the entire day, but now that you are alone it feels like you can’t cry. You are mostly tired.

Tired of yourself, of this situation. Of this big obscure hole in your chest that never seems to disappear. You are also very tired of this lingering numbness this hole seems to be holding inside of you. You could use one of Jimin’s hugs again.

You think of Jungkook and how much you miss him. When he was here, the other night, you felt your chest least heavy with this sense of numbness inside. Would it be wrong to want to feel that again? Is it wrong chasing after him?

Maybe, but who cares? You decided to text him.

Not Eunjoo. Not Namjoon. Not Jimin. You wanted to talk and to be with him. And none of the aforementioned people had the effect he had on you, you loved all of them to death, but they couldn’t be compared to Jungkook. The last text sent to him, still unread, left you still wondering what had happened in today’s afternoon.

You [8:33 pm]: heyyy, having fun?

As much as he hadn’t replied to the last couple of texts, you don’t think it will take him long to reply. He usually texts back quickly, since he’s always with his phone. Actually, he usually texts you back quickly. You hear the boys complaining all the time that Jungkook doesn’t even have the decency to leave them on read, he just doesn’t even bother. He’s just distracted, poor boy.

A minute passes, while you’re staring at your phone’s screen as you anticipate the three dots to appear on your screen when he starts typing his response. But they don’t.

Yeah, he’s at a pseudo party, it was naive of you to think he’d be with his phone. He’s with the boys, you bet they’re getting shitfaced with tequila right now. As much as you’d like to talk to him, it’s fine. You’d be fine. You had to learn how to deal with your shit by yourself, you didn’t have to drag Jungkook along.

You decide to check your Instagram feed, it’s always been the social network you had the most fun while using. You see Jungkook’s profile picture on the top of your screen, which indicates he’s posted a story recently and you decide to check it.

A picture of him and Tae 2 minutes ago. You check the time on the top of your screen. 8:36 pm. Ok, he was kinda busy and he probably had something to drink. Maybe sending him another text would work, since he has his phone with him now for sure.

You [8:37 pm]: kookie, can you call me? i don’t feel so good

You [8:37 pm]: really wanna talk to you

You [8:37 pm]: actually, i’d love to talk to you, don’t need to

Ok, sent. You wait for a few seconds, expecting to see the three dots, but they don’t appear. Back to Instagram, you see Jungkook’s profile picture again, he’s posted another story. You check it again, you see that he and the guys were playing beer pong, you know they love to play it. Taehyung was especially good at it, he was probably winning, as always.

It was posted less than a minute ago.

Less than a fucking minute ago. It means he was deliberately ignoring your texts, he had his phone in his fucking hands while you were trying to reach out to him. The only thing you wanted was to be able to listen to his voice. You are so fucking dumb.

Then it hits you. At the end of the day, that’s how you were always going to be: alone. And it hurts. You’ve always respected the fact that he didn’t want to be in a relationship. That only to find out that he didn’t want to be in a relationship with you. You waited around and you never complained, you allowed him his liberty and you were there, when he needed you. And he’s needed you very often in these past few years. You were always there for him when he looked for you.

Now you need him. Did he even care? Could he at least pretend he does?

He doesn’t even have the decency to text you back. He knows what you’re going through right now and as much as he says he’s here for you, now, when you really need him, he’s not. You feel stupid and ashamed of yourself for trusting him.

It hurts. You feel the tears finally rolling down your cheeks as you feel your heart sinking into your chest. Everything hurts. The tsunami of emotions that hits you brings every single and each feeling you had hidden inside of yourself in these past months.

You think of your mom, of this sense of rejection, of the feeling of never being enough, of Jungkook, of loneliness, of this big hole in your chest that only seems to get bigger and bigger. All at the same time, all of these feelings, almost choking you. The tears never ceasing to stream down your face.

Your phone dings. In a haist, you unlock its screen, not to find the text message you were waiting for.

jin [8:44 pm]: hey, bbygirl

jin [8:44 pm]: what u doin?

And even though this wasn’t the text message you were waiting for, seeing Jin’s name on your phone’s screen did not make you feel disappointed at all. On the contrary, it automatically brought a smile to your face.

You [8:44 pm]: looking for something to watch

You [8:44 pm]: and you?

Yes, you lie. He didn’t need to know about your meltdown.

jin [8:44 pm]: to what do i owe the honor of such a fast reply?

You [8:44 pm]: when i take long to reply, you complain

You [8:44 pm]: when i don’t, you also complain

You [8:44 pm]: can i ever win, seokjin?

jin [8:45 pm]: hey, watch your language

jin [8:45 pm]: to you i’m baby, not seokjin

You [8:45 pm]: 🙄

jin [8:45 pm]: who’s complaining? i’m just surprised

jin [8:45 pm]: anyway

jin [8:45 pm]: came to see yoongi and eunjoo, thought about u

jin [8:45 pm]: just wanted to check up on u

jin [8:45 pm]: i know u r alone today

You [8:46 pm]: honestly?

jin [8:46 pm]: of course

You [8:46 pm]: not great, but i’ll be alright

jin [8:46 pm]: want me to come over?

You [8:46 pm]: don’t worry about me, i’ll be ok

You [8:47 pm]: also dont tell joo

jin [8:47 pm]: ok, wont tell eunjoo

jin [8:47 pm]: but let me rephrase that. do u want company? i wanna see you

You [8:47 pm]: i do

jin [8:47 pm]: ok, luvs

jin [8:47 pm]: i’ll be there in 20

The doorbell rings and you rush to the door. You are nervous. Why are you nervous? It’s Jin! He’s your friend, you are used to being around him. You shake your head, trying to focus on your breathing. Fucking anxiety!

You swing the door open only to find a smiling Seokjin. You can’t help but to smile back. He is wearing a light pink hoodie, a pair of jeans and a black cap. He looks cute, as always, and you notice he’s wearing a different perfume, maybe it was a new one, yes. It was out of this world, wow. He had his hands raised and from them hanged two white plastic bags.

“Heey! What’s this?”, you ask with your brows furrowed, as you step aside, inviting him in.

“I figured you could use a burger”, he says as he walks in your home. “But if you don’t feel like it-”

“No, I do feel like it!”, he smiles, after your excited interruption. “Thanks, oppa!” You finish with an affected tone, batting your eyelashes at him.

He studies your face for a second, his eyes shifting from your eyes to your lips. His gaze glistens with mischief, then, a second later they soften.

“Keep calling me oppa and you’ll see what’s gonna happen”.

“What?” You deadpan.

“I better not say it, Y/n…”

You roll your eyes; and he laughs. You mouth him a “go ahead” as you turn to close the front door.

“So, I kinda of don’t have a living room, sorry”, you point to Namjoon’s bedroom door. “Namjoon’s room leads to our small and humble balcony, do you want to sit over there?”

“I helped your move, remember? I know your place already”.

“Oh”, you didn’t remember, but it’s true, he helped Namjoon and the boys. You continue. “Yeah. So… We don’t have much to do here, sorry. We can either watch something on my computer or sit on the balcony and eat our hamburgers while stargazing”.

“Hey, don’t worry. I’m here to spend time with you, I’m down to whatever it is you’d like to do”, he shifts. “Even if you want to vent out or if you just need a shoulder to cry on. I’m here”.

And there he is, doing it again. Making you feel funny inside.

“I-Well…”, you’re pathetic. It feels like you suddenly forgot how to speak. “I mean, I don’t want to bore you… Wh-what do you prefer?”

“Why don’t we eat outside? I know you’re fond of looking at the night sky”, he suggests with a gentle smile.

“I think this is the first time you agree with anything I’ve said tonight!” You state excitedly.

“Of course! The Last Airbender is for a fact, the best thing that happened… And please, understand I’m not saying it’s the best thing that happened on TV in this century, I’m saying it’s the best thing that happened in this century, period”.

“I agree wholeheartedly, Seokjin! Seriously” you tighten your hold around his hand as you say the last word.

Yes, you are holding hands with Jin. Again. This time, you weren’t worried about prying eyes or anything like that. Not that you were worried earlier today while he walked you to the library, but you felt different. You couldn’t explain precisely, but you felt more at ease with it now.

You had finished eating the burgers he brought, they really tasted wonderful. He bragged about knowing the best places to eat in town, due to his profound expertise in cooking when you pointed out how good they tasted. He was insufferable, sometimes.

Luckily, tonight there were no clouds in the sky, as far as your eyes could see, so you could actually stargaze as you ate your burger. There was also an occasional night breeze that blew softly through your hair whenever you felt the night was getting sultry. It was quite an agreeable night and Seokjin’s company was much appreciated.

You two had spent hours just talking. He started telling you all he knew about the proper way to clean lettuce and then, at some point, you lost track of time and space. You originally wanted to show him how Venus was close to the moon tonight, leaning over the balcony grid, as you always do at night and he followed you. That’s how you ended up where you are now.

Of course you weren’t romantically holding his hand, you were just overly excited with the fact that he was also a huge fan of your favorite TV show. You couldn’t really explain how your hand ended up wrapped around his, but there you were, excitedly talking about Prince Zuko’s impeccable redemption arc.

“I think my favorite episode is that one where we find out that Avatar Roku is also Prince Zuko’s great grandfather, you know? On book three”.

“Oh my God, Seokjin! Mine too!” You answer him excitedly, with an annoyingly high pitched voice. “‘The Avatar and the Firelord’… When we start to realize Aang and Zuko’s destinies are tied with deeper bonds than they think, I love it so much!”

“Fuck, Y/n! The more I get to know you, the harder it gets…”, he states with his lips curling in a sort of smirk, his gaze kinda distant, but never leaving your eyes.

“What’s harder?”, you ask him, quirking one of your brows.

“Nah, nevermind”.

“Seokjin!”

“Forget it…”

“That’s unfair! You know I’m curious”, you whine, the affected tone almost back in your voice.

“You really wanna know?”

“Yeah!”

“Promise you won’t get mad at me for saying it?”

“I won’t”, you state, raising one of your hands dramatically.

“Really?”

“Jin!”

“Ok, if you insist”, he licks his lips, then he continues. “The more I get to know you, the harder it gets not to be head over heels for you”.

He just says it, as if he was informing you the time. You feel your cheeks burning as your heartbeat starts to get faster. You feel like a teenager, it was silly. He makes you feel silly. You’re speechless right now. Your mind was racing, like, this is some serious shit to say to someone!

Yeah, you liked being around him and talking to him and he was pretty much an angel. But you had Jungkook, you lo… like Jungkook a lot. What you have is not over yet, that’s the truth. And you’re not like Jungkook, you don’t want to lead Jin on, it wouldn’t be fair to him. He is genuinely a nice guy, like, really nice and also a close friend. You do care a lot about him.

You look away. You are weak and the way he looked at you made you feel even weaker. The right thing to do is to tell him that you are in the most complicated moment of your life, so far. You’ve lost your mother and you had feelings for Jungkook. But it feels like the words got stuck in your throat. You are so fucking weak.

You open your mouth, trying to find anything to say, but it’s in vain.

“You don’t have to say anything back, you know? I understand you and Jungkook-ssi have… Something going on. But I don’t really care”, he places his pointer finger under your chin, turning your face in his direction, so you’d look at him. His touch setting your entire face on fire. “I just want you to know that when you realize you deserve best, I’ll be around and all you have to do is to give me a chance”.

You just realize he’s just said that while holding your hand, looking you intensely in the eyes. You really don’t know what to say, it moves you to know someone thinks these things about you. That warm feeling spreads all over your chest again and you know it’s no use trying to stop it.

You pull your hand softly and Jin lets go of it. You scratch your brow. You were silent. Truth is, you didn’t know what to say yet, because you don’t know exactly what you’re feeling. You feel like a fucking teenager!

“You… Shouldn’t waste your time with me, Jin, really”, you try.

“Don’t worry, babygirl, I’ve wasted my time with worse ones”, he says as he pats your head.

“Hey!”, you protest, slapping his arm.

And there it is: his laugh. If it belonged to anyone else it would be the most annoying sound in the world. Yet, it isn’t. Instead of being a source of annoyance, it actually always makes you laugh as well.

“It’s true, Y/n! The last one got me bleaching my fucking hair!”.

“Was a girl the reason why you bleached your hair? Ok! Now I need to know the full story!”

“No fucking way, I’m not telling you!”

“Please, oppa!” You whine with the same affected tone as before.

“Aish, it’s not an amusing story, Y/n”, he says as he suppresses a laugh.

“I don’t care, I’m just curious… But if it makes you uncomfortable or anything, nevermind”.

“Fuck… I hate you! You’re manipulating me!” The laugh he was trying to suppress finally comes out and he flashes you the most beautiful and genuine smile.

“I’m not! I swear, really, if it makes you feel weird, you don’t need to tell me”.

“It’s just ridiculous, Yoongi already scolded me for it… Anyway, I don’t know if Eunjoo already mentioned I had a girlfriend…”, he looks at you, squinting his eyes as he cocks one of his eyebrows.

“Yeah, she mentioned you broke up with your ex recently”.

She did more than that, being the gossip she was, not that you had any complaints, because you liked being informed, you know? She told you everything she knew about Jin’s ex-girlfriend, who apparently managed to make every single one of Jin’s friends hate her guts.

“So, yeah. We broke up recently”, he sighs. “We were together for a year and… Anyway, she wasn’t very nice. And near the end, one day, she told me I was. What did she say exactly? Oh, boring and predictable”, he lets out a humourless laugh and your heart sinks. He is none. He continues. “And when we broke up, like, permanently… Her words kept replaying in a loop in my mind”. His gaze was a little distant now, not really looking you in the eyes.

“They aren’t true, by the way. You know that, right?” You tried your best not to interrupt him as he spoke and when he paused for a second, you took the opportunity to state it.

“Yeah… I kinda know?”, he looks at you again. His gaze, now, warmer. “She hurt me a little and… I decided to do something different with my hair. I don’t know why, I just didn’t want to feel like I was boring and predictable. And you were the first one to compliment my new hairstyle, by the way, that’s why I haven’t dyed it black again”.

You can’t help but smile. After the shitty things we went through with his ex, he keeps his bleached locks, because you like them. Was he even real? Fuck!

“Why do you have to be so sweet, Seokjin?” You snort a faint laugh through your nose.

“I don’t know, babygirl… That’s just my amazing personality shining through”, he answers, both corners of his mouth lifting in a flirtatious smile. “Just hope it doesn’t take long for you to let your guard down for me as well…”

You can’t help but let the corners of your mouth lift in a smirk. You feel your face hot. Your cheeks were burning, you were probably as red as a cherry right now. The funny feeling inside already spreaded through your body. He messes with you big time. This would definitely not end well and if you knew better you’d back the fuck off from this. But you notice that with Jin the hole inside of you seems to get smaller as well.

You look him in the eyes, not averting his intense gaze. You smile again and he follows you, his cheeks squeezing his eyes into little crescent moons. You can’t help but notice how beautiful his eyes are, as well.

Especially when he smiles and they look like the moon.

“You’re impossible, Jin!”

“Yeah, maybe”, he declares nonchalantly. He takes his phone from his pocket and checks the time. “Do you have any morning classes tomorrow?”

“Yes… why?”

“Well, I better get going, then. It’s late for those of us who are responsible adults”, he states as he shows you his phone screen.

“That rules out most of my friends and my brother from the ‘responsible adults’ list”.

Jin shrugs. You both laugh.

“Do you need help cleaning or something?”

“No, Jinie, I got it. I’ll just throw away the to-go boxes, don’t worry”.

“Ok, so, can you walk me to the door?”

“Sure, Jinie”, you say with a faint smile, leading the way to your front door as he follows you. “Thanks for tonight, really”.

“Anytime, babygirl”, he answers as he puts on his sneakers. “Sure you’re gonna be ok by yourself?”

“Relax, I’ll be alright”.

“Ok, then. If you need anything, just text me, alright?”

You nod. He extends his arms and places his large hands on your lower back as he cuddles you in the folds of his arms. You sink your face into his chest as you feel the soft ambrosial aroma of his perfume again. You feel almost intoxicated, but you manage to wrap your arms politely and affectionately around him as well.

He places a kiss on your forehead, his plump lips felt like silk against your skin. The smell of his perfume, the warmth of his arms around you and, now, the tender kiss on your forehead made your stomach flip and you can swear you almost felt dizzy.

Hugging him feels right and you have to stop yourself from complaining when he pulls away from you.

“Oh, before I forget… Check my Instagram story”, he turns around, opening the door, so he can leave. “Bye, Y/n. See you tomorrow”.

“Bye, Jinie. Drive safe!”

He nods, as he closes the door behind himself. You sigh. It always feels like you hold too much air in your lungs when you are around Seokjin.

Of course, you hastily check his Instagram story and, for maybe the hundredth time today, Jin makes your chest feel a funny warmth.

“He went to your house?!” Eunjoo screams in a high pitched voice at the other end of the line.

“Who? Jin?!” You hear Yoongi’s muffled and distant voice as Eunjoo shushes him.

“Yeah, bitch, he did, but stop screaming in my ears or else I won’t tell you anything”.

“Fuck you, I have every goddamn right to be over the moon here! When I saw his story I was like ‘oh my gawd’!”

“Joo, he was so frigging cute… He brought food and we were sitting here on my balcony for hours just talking away”.

“Wait until I tell your brother about this!”

“Grow up, Choi Eunjoo!”

“Jeez, I’m just happy ok? Chill, Kim Y/n!” She giggles. “But he’s amazing, isn’t he? You two will look great together, I’ve always known”.

Before you could reply, you feel your phone vibrating insistently in your hand.

“Yeah, right… Hey, Joo, I gotta go, ok? Someone’s sending me dozens of texts… I think Namjoon is trying to talk to me. Knowing him, it’s quite possible he’s desperate because he lost his keys or something…”

“Classic Kim Namjoon”, she laughs. “Ok, lovey, I’m going to bed anyway. You know I’m an early riser… But I just want to warn you, you won’t escape from giving me the full report tomorrow”.

“Alright, woman… Good night and love you”.

“Love you too”.

As you hang up, another text comes in and your phone vibrates again. Through the phone screen, you see it isn’t Namjoon who has been texting you, it’s Jungkook.

After he ignored your texts, he has some fucking nerve.

kookie

5 Text Messages (sent now)

Should you open his texts or not?

He didn’t deserve your tears then and he certainly doesn’t deserve your attention now, you could hear Eunjoo’s voice in your head. And yeah… he literally has ignored you for hours, when he knew you were sad. Your mom passed away and he knew you were feeling down, but he chose to ignore you either way. He could kiss your ass now.

Better than to ignore him, is to leave him on read. He gets pissed when you do it.

kookie [00:39 am]: are you home?

kookie [00:39 am]: heyyyy i know yoi aren’t asleep yet answr me

kookie [00:39 am]: y/n!!!!!!!

kookie [00:39 am]: Y/N!! i need talk to u

kookie [00:40 am]: i’ll call you if you font text me bacj

By the way he’s been typing, you notice he’s not only inconvenient, he’s also very drunk. Oh, fuck that. He can text his fucking girlfriend, instead.

When you open his previous messages, three dots appear on the screen and he continues.

kookie [00:40 am]: fuck what was he doing ay your place on a fucking thursday eveninh????

kookie [00:40 am]: you two are fucking i knoq you are

kookie [00:40 am]: i’m gonna bEAT THE SHIT OYT OF HIM YOU’LL SEE

kookie [00:40 am]: he’s gonna have to leave at somw point and ill be here ready to kik his fuckinh ass

Your blood boils. Was he talking about Jin? He had to have some fucking balls to talk to you like that, huh?

You [00:40 am]: wtf are u talking about???

You [00:40 am]: go to sleep, jungkook, ur drunk

kookie [00:40 am]: babeeeeeeeeee

kookie [00:40 am]: please let me in

kookie [00:40 am]: i’m down here i just wanna see yoy

You [00:40 am]: i don’t want to talk to you, jungkook

You [00:40 am]: go home

You [00:41 am]: i have early classes tomorrow, gotta go to bed

You [00:41 am]: you should do the same

You [00:41 am]: bye

You sent him these texts and locked your phone screen. Enough, you’ve had enough of this. Running your fingers through your hair, you let out a heavy sigh, with frustration running through your entire body.

Your phone vibrates again in your hand. But this time, it wasn’t due to a text message. It’s him… He is calling you.

kookie

iPhone

“What do you want?” You ask harshly, as you hear his breathing through the phone.

Ch 04 ⋙

[mypoisonedvine]

Home for the Holidays | Robert Pronge (aka Mr. Freezy) x reader

summary: robert is tired of pretending to be normal, he’s tired of the shitty holiday known as christmas and he’s really fucking tired of watching his adorable, innocent next door neighbor without getting a real taste.  luckily, he has a plan to solve all three of these things.

word count: a bit over 5k

warnings: smut (noncon, vaginal and anal), gunplay, bondage, stalking, kidnapping, slight-to-medium breeding kink, innocent!reader, lots of degradation, blood mention, pain kink, spitting, implied age gap (??? kinda), cringy and disturbing dirty talk, maaaaybe the darkest thing I’ve ever written… proceed with extreme caution

Robert hated the holidays.  The fact that it was too cold to sell ice cream was a factor, sure, but he didn’t like anything else about them either— the cheesy music, the stupid advertisements on TV, the gaudy decorations everywhere… he wasn’t sure if there was anything he liked about this time of year.  Getting gifts would be nice if he actually had any friends or family to do that with.  Giving gifts sounded like too much fucking work anyway.  He was sick and tired of this stupid holiday and the way it started sooner every year, too.  

This year, when he heard Jingle Bell Rock on the radio for the first time of the season, something snapped.  He wasn’t going to just sit idly by and let the holidays come and go.  He wasn’t going to avoid and half-tolerate all the dreaded ‘cheer’ and ‘spirit’ like he had for the past few years.  No no, this year was going to be different.

This year, he was going to get a Christmas present for himself: you.

He’d been watching you for a long time, since the day you moved in next door.  It wasn’t often that a young woman lived alone around here, and for good reason.  Still, you had this air of blissful ignorance about you— you never caught him spying on you, for one, and when he was spying you were always off in your own little world, listening to your records, daydreaming about god-knows-what.  He wished he could know, because he figured it was something innocent and wholesome.  

You weren’t all innocent and wholesome, though.  He’d seen you doing the things you did when you were totally alone (or at least, you thought you were), late at night, cuddled up under the covers…

He wanted to see more, though.  He wanted to see everything.  And he was tired of waiting.

He was on his porch when you came home, and he waved; you waved back, your hands obscured by big fuzzy mittens.  Damn did he miss the summers, when you would wear tank tops and short shorts and wash your car in the sunlight.  Now you were all bundled up in coats and scarves, and even though you looked sort of adorable like this, he missed that perfect body he knew you were hiding under there.  

You were bringing groceries in from the car, and he could see you had a few bags in the backseat.  “That’s a lot to carry, lemme help you,” he offered as he jumped up from his seat and walked towards you.

“Oh, it’s fine, I’ve got it,” you dismissed, but you started to stumble and he had to catch you so you wouldn’t fall and drop your stuff.  “Thanks,” you mumbled awkwardly as you caught your footing— you felt so good in his arms he could barely stand it.  

“What is all this?” he asked as he glanced into the bags.

“Oh, uh, just Christmas stuff,” you explained.  He furrowed his brow as he saw you had bought enough food to feed a whole family.  

“Your folks comin’ into town or something?” he pressed, pulling one of the paper bags open to see inside.  “Or are you hosting a party I didn’t get invited to?”

“Uh, neither,” you laughed, “my family doesn’t… no, they’re not coming.  And there’s no party.  I just love cooking Christmas food and I thought, why not?  I mean, I’ll freeze whatever I can’t finish and have meals for the next month…”

“So you’re gonna make this whole ham just for yourself?” he clarified, admiring your ambition.

“Yep!” you grinned.  “I know it’s stupid, but I just love Christmas and I don’t think I need to justify celebrating it to a grinch like you.”

“A grinch?  Says who?”

“Freezy, you’re the only house on the block that hasn’t put up lights yet,” you smirked.  “It’s sort of obvious you don’t like this time of year.”

“Are you kidding?  I love Christmas!  I’m just subtle about it, that’s all,” he decided sternly.

“Really?  Are you going to see anyone for the holidays then?” you pressed.

“Uh, no, I’m sort of an… orphan, I guess you could say.  No parents or siblings or anything like that.”

“No girlfriend?” you grinned, elbowing him playfully.  

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he laughed, “I just know a few women who would be really mad if they heard me say that.”

“You’re such a dog,” you rolled your eyes.  “Will you help me carry these in or not?”

He sighed as he picked up two bags and carried them up to your porch, pushing the door open with his back to set them on your counters.  He’d been inside your place a few times— mostly with you there, a few times when you weren’t— and he noticed how much you’d changed in the spirit of the season: an enormous, real pine covered in lights and ribbons; decorative ceramic figures all over the place including Santa, elves, reindeer, and even a nativity on the dining table; stockings on the mantle, god knows who those were even for. 

You had literally decked your halls with boughs of holly.  

“Damn, woman, you went all out!” he observed with wide eyes.

“Well, I thought it would be nice,” you smiled, although it was a somber smile, “you know, Christmas like it used to be…” you trailed off as your gaze became distant.  You snapped back to reality with a little sigh, shaking it off and heading back to the car for another load of bags.  He understood that emptiness he saw in your eyes, it was all he felt anymore.  Maybe you could change that for him; maybe he could change that for you.

Aw, who was he kidding?  He didn’t care about that.  He just wanted to figure out what you were hiding underneath those puffy winter clothes.  If the smell of your stolen panties was anything to go by, it was going to be worth the wait.

//

Christmas Eve was just as boring and cold as any other day, except that it was filled with a riveting anticipation.  That was probably true for most people, but for Robert it was for something much more exciting than presents under the tree.  

Nightfall came early, it being winter and all, so it was already pitch dark outside when it was just about time for him to go over for dinner.  He considered smashing a window to get in, but then you might call the cops before he had time to explain, so he decided the easier method was just to knock on the front door.  He didn’t really care who saw at this point— besides, who’d be staring out their window to spy on their neighbors the night before Christmas?  Aside from Robert, that is.

“Oh!” you gasped when you answered the door.  The dark red turtleneck looked even better on you up close, like you’d jumped right out of a Norman Rockwell postcard— or a festive pin-up.  He didn’t wait for your approval before stepping in and shutting the door behind him, relishing the adorable look you wore as you stared up at him with the perfect mix of confusion and concern.

“I know you didn’t invite me,” he smirked, “but I figure two people alone on Christmas ought to be together, don’t you think?”

“Robert, I—”

He pulled his gun out from his belt, watching you freeze as he pointed it at you.

“I think you should start making dinner, sweetheart,” he instructed darkly.  You nodded quickly, walking to the kitchen as he followed you closely.  “What are you making?”

“H-ham,” you stuttered nervously as you turned on the stove before slipping on a cute little apron with white lace around the edges.  “With green bean casserole, and some gingerbread for dessert.”

“Sounds delicious,” he grinned, taking a seat at the bar and keeping his gun pointed towards you.  

Your hands were shaking as you tried to chop the ingredients, and he tutted a little in sympathy.  “Don’t be scared, honey, ‘m not gonna hurt ya.  It’s gonna be a great Christmas— just like the way it used to be, huh?”

“Y-yeah,” you shivered, lip quivering, “I… I wish you just would’ve asked if you could have some dinner, Robert, I would’ve happily had you.”

“Oh, you’re gonna have me either way.  Up to you if you wanna be happy about it.”

He laughed as he watched your eyes start to water, a meek little sniffle 

“Aw, don’t cry, pretty baby,” he cooed, “it’ll make me wanna skip right to the good stuff.  But, let’s just have dinner first.”

You stayed quiet after that, cooking in silence as he unabashedly undressed you with his eyes.  You looked like a perfect little housewife in that apron; he wanted to see you wearing just that, so he could bend you over the counter and— 

Damn, he was already hard, just like that.  You’d always had such an effect on him.

He went ahead and took a seat at the table once you were nearly done with the meal, leaning back to let you drape the fancy napkin over his lap (and smirking when you gasped a bit, obviously noticing the bulge in his jeans).

“I hope you like it,” you offered weakly as you set his plate in front of him.

“I’m sure you do,” he grinned, picking up his fork.  “You won’t like what’s gonna happen if I don’t.”

You just stood beside him for a moment as he took the first bite, smiling weakly when he hummed in content at the taste.  “Aren’t ya gonna eat?” he asked, looking you up and down.

“I’m not hungry,” you explained quickly.

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged, “it’s good.  You’re quite the little chef, aren’t ya?”

“Um, I suppose…” you deflected awkwardly.

“Learn to take a compliment,” he hissed, “say ‘thank you.’”

“Thank you,” you replied dutifully.  

“That’s better,” he announced firmly, shovelling the last bite of casserole into his mouth before working on the slices of ham.  Your ability to follow instructions was a good sign for how tonight was going to go— apparently for all your naivete, you still had a self-preservation instinct.  He couldn’t wait to exploit it.

He continued his meal in silence, delighting in the way your eyes watered and your lip quivered.  “Alright, sweetie, dinner’s over,” he announced when he was finished.  “Time for dessert.”

You shivered slightly as he stood up and approached you.  “You want gingerbread?” you asked innocently.  He frowned and shook his head, watching you start to cry again as he roughly grabbed your arm and pulled you closer.  

“I had something even sweeter in mind,” he informed you with a low growl, taking a big whiff of your scent— that same shampoo smell he was used to by now, mixed in with the new perfume you’d gotten a few weeks ago along with the warm, spicy smells of Christmas.  “Been waitin’ so long for this,” he groaned lowly as he leaned down to stare right into your fear-widened eyes.

“N-no, please,” you whimpered, weakly attempting to twist out of his grip, “you wouldn’t—”

“I would,” he disagreed as he turned his gun backwards, whipping you across the head with the handle.  He caught you before you collapsed, and hoped you wouldn’t be hurting too much when you woke up.  But he would deal with that then.  Right now, he had a present to wrap.

//

There was a radiating ache in your skull.  You felt that first as you groggily opened your eyes.  The next thing you noticed was that you weren’t in your bed.  Looking around, you couldn’t see well because the only light was from your Christmas tree, but you could see that you were naked and bound with ropes.  Oddly enough, on top of the ropes was thick red ribbon, gathered in a big bow right at your chest.

What the fuck is going on? you were about to ask yourself, but then it all became clear.

The shadows shifted, and your neighbor emerged from them.  You struggled against the ropes as you remembered everything, realizing what was happening.  Of course you had always thought he was a bit creepy (who didn’t?) but you were nice to him and he was nice to you.  How could you have known he was this disturbed?  

“That’s my favorite part,” he purred as he stooped down to be eye-level with you.  “The moment when they realize what’s going to happen.  You were so peaceful just a moment ago, knocked out and without a care in the world, and now you’re fighting for your life.”

You whimpered into the gag as he smiled at you, running his hands over your skin.

“I mean, not fighting very well, but fighting.”

You tried to kick him as he stepped closer but the ropes made it impossible.

“I think it’s time to open my present, hm?” he grinned.  You shook your head but he ignored you, slowly pushing your legs apart and growling a little when he saw your exposed pussy, ripe for the taking.  “Look at that, you’re wet,” he laughed.  You wrenched your eyes shut, refusing to believe this was happening.  “Don’t be embarrassed, that happens a lot.  Although I’ll admit, I don’t think any of them were ever this wet before…”

You jumped when his thumb started to rub your clit, the pressure much too intense and unexpected.  He laughed at your struggle, and you could feel your walls throbbing in response to the stimulation.

“I know I didn’t need to do all this to get you in bed,” he continued his taunting rant.  “I know you wanted me already— don’t think I didn’t notice you makin’ googly eyes at me like a dumb little schoolgirl.  If I’d’ve asked you out, I could’ve had you under me after a few drinks… but it’s better this way.  You probably would’ve made me wear a condom, would’ve made me be all gentle with ya, some wholesome missionary shit,” he laughed.  “I don’t have time for that crap.  It’s so much better with your body at my disposal, and you cryin’ those pretty tears.”

The shocks that shot up your spine from the way he was touching you made you feel like your body was betraying you.  How could this actually feel good?  How was it that the fear burning in your gut was actually adding to your pleasure and not nullifying it?

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” he groaned as if he were reading your mind.  “I know you love it, little girl, don’t act so innocent.  I know you’re not the good girl everybody thinks you are.  You’ve been naughty this year, haven’t you?”

Even though logic told you not to play into his twisted game, you felt compelled to shake your head ‘no.’

“Don’t lie,” he warned, “I’ve seen you.  I’ve watched you play with this pretty pussy every fucking night.”

You couldn’t watch this any more, you couldn’t look at him while he did this to you.  Forcing your eyes shut, you tried to find a place in your mind to run away to.  Instead, he slapped you right on your clit and your eyes shot open as you whined.

“Keep looking,” he instructed.  “I want you to see it.  I want you to know that it’s me.  I want you to see what I’m about to put in you.”

He stepped back and hastily discarded his shirt, making quick work of his boots and trousers, too.  Then it was just his boxers, and you could see the outline of his erection already.  You hoped it wasn’t as big as it looked, but then he grinned as he pulled the fabric down and yep, it was— you tried to squirm away, uselessly.

“Aw, don’t be scared, baby,” he pouted, “I know it’s big, but with how wet you are I bet it’ll fit like a glove.  A really, really tight glove…”

He leaned down and pressed his lips right against your ear, rubbing his swollen head through your slick folds as you whined.  

“Gloves can tear,” he chuckled.  “Gloves can rip.”

Tears stained the ribbon of your gag as you tried to beg him not to, but it was too late— he was pushing forward and spearing you onto him.

“Fuck!” he groaned as he pushed all the way to the hilt, and your eyes rolled back as the stinging, burning pain shot up your spine.  “So fuckin’ tight, fuck, can’t believe I waited this long to get my hands on you.”

He pulled the gag down, smiling at you tenderly when you coughed out a cry of pain.  “Please,” you sobbed, “please stop…”

“No no, babygirl, I’m not gonna stop.  I wanna fill this slutty little cunt with my come.”

Renewed sobs shook your chest as your nails dug into your own palms, each thrust somehow going even deeper than the last, somehow hurting even more.

“Want my come, pretty girl?” he pressed, refusing to let you ignore him.  “Want me to shoot my load into this sweet pussy a’yours?”

“No,” you sobbed weakly, shaking your head, “no, no…” you trailed off, chanting it like a mantra as you felt like you might pass out.

“Aw, you’re not on the pill, are you?” he realized with a toothy grin.  “Never saw any empty packs in your trash.  Are you worried I’ll knock you up?”

“Please, please don’t,” you shivered.  There was nothing quite as demeaning as having no recourse but to beg even when you knew it would do nothing.  The only thing that came close was the knowledge that your orgasm wasn’t so far off— his cock was slamming right into your spot with every movement, his hips rubbing your swollen clit, and it was impossible to avoid the pleasure that was making your walls tighten around him.

“How could I not?” he countered.  “Fuck, you feel so good, how could I not breed this dripping, desperate cunt, hm?  There’s no way I’m pulling out now when you’re squeezin’ my dick so good like this.”

“Please,” you repeated, so quiet you couldn’t be sure he heard it at all.  You could hardly breathe with his weight on your chest, black static dancing at the edges of your peripheral vision.

“I’ll be honest— I hate kids,” he growled, “never wanted ‘em, but it does sound like a lot of fun to get you pregnant.  Would you like that, pretty baby?  Bein’ full of my kid?  I’d be so nice to watch you get big and know it was all my fault.  Think of it like a Christmas gift, from one neighbor to another.”

“Robert, please!” you cried, although it sounded a lot like you were begging him for more as opposed to begging him for mercy.  You weren’t sure how that happened, except that you could feel the coil in your gut tightening and tightening and tightening until it finally fucking snapped and you choked on nothing, your walls fluttering as a gush of wetness seeped out between your bodies.

“That’s it,” he groaned, “fuck, what a nasty little skank you are, Jesus… coming so hard from being tied up and abused by your neighbor, who knew you were a total freak?”

You couldn’t say anything, you couldn’t even think as hazy pleasure flooded your brain and you went limp in his oppressive grasp.  Exhaustedly, you slumped down and let him use you— all you could do now was hope he would finish soon.

“I mean, I knew,” he laughed, “but damn… you’re somethin’ else.”

He said it with pride in his voice, as your entire body burned with shame.  How had you already given in so quickly, accepted your fate and come harder than you ever had before?  It sort of made sense that this would be more intense than what you got from getting yourself off at night (and the thought that he’d been watching you made your stomach churn), but why was this so much better than the sweet, loving sex you’d had with your boyfriend way back when, before he’d run out on you?  Why was Robert, as disturbed as he was, the best you’d ever had?

“God, you’re so wet, I can fucking smell you,” he grunted through his teeth.  “You made such a pretty mess on my cock, babygirl.”

You could hear that he was right, you could feel the wetness that had dripped down to cover both of you— the wet slapping of his balls against your ass was disgusting, yet arousing, and you hated yourself for it.

“Shit, I’m close,” he moaned, “fuck yeah, just like that.”

You weren’t sure what he was referring to until you realized you were arching your back, forcing his cock to hit your overstimulated spot directly.  It made jolts of electricity course through your veins, pleasure sizzling just beneath your skin.  

“Kiss me,” he instructed, and you were too far gone to disobey as you turned and captured his lips in a kiss, instantly accepting his tongue into your mouth.  It was sloppy and forceful and kinda gross and he tasted like Christmas dinner and cigarettes, but it made your walls tighten around him again anyways.  Something about his beard against your face made you moan a little, the sound lost into his mouth but unfortunately not unnoticed.  “Fuck, I know you love my cock so much,” he purred, pulling back only as much as he needed to to speak— he was so close that his lips brushed yours with every word, those dark eyes staring right into yours until you felt entirely helpless to his gaze.

“Please,” you whimpered, not even sure what you were asking for.

“Best pussy I’ve ever had, you know that?” he praised, grinning as you bit down on your lip.  “Yeah, you love being my good girl, you love pleasin’ me, don’tcha?”

“I— I don’t—”

“Just nod your head, dumb baby,” he grunted coldly.  After a moment of hesitation, you nodded ever so slightly and he moaned above you.

“Fuck— gonna come,” he informed you breathlessly, “gonna fill up your wet fuckin’ hole, ‘m so close, ah fuck—”

The first pump of his cock painted your insides and you cringed as you tried not to moan at the feeling.  His come was hot and thick as it filled you, the faltering thrusts of his hips making your swollen walls flutter weakly.  It felt like it would go on forever— his weak groans in your ear, his thick cock pulsing inside you, your breathing quick and fast until it felt like you weren’t getting any air in your lungs at all.  It stopped, finally, as he sighed and relaxed a little bit.

“Goddamn,” he breathed as he pulled out of you, making you both wince.  Already you felt soreness radiating from your opening, and your face burned as he looked down between your legs.  “Look at that, what a perfect little pussy I just ruined.  It’s all stretched out and red and covered in my come,” he announced proudly.  “There’s a little blood, too, but you’ll be better in no time,” he assured with a smirk.  “Red and white— it’s sort of festive, don’t you think?”

You swallowed down the acid threatening to come up your throat— of course he was disturbed, but did he have to be so disgusting?

Again, it was like he read your mind as he grabbed your jaw and forced you to open your mouth, spitting onto your tongue before commanding you to swallow it.  Just when you thought you’d reached the limits of his depravity, he found some new way to up the ante.  What worried you most, though, was the fact that he’d already come and hadn’t left yet.  Deep down, you knew it wasn’t over yet, but you hadn’t accepted it consciously.

“Such a good slut for me,” he praised through his teeth, “I bet I can go again, fuck, you turn me on so much.”  Pulling back a bit and gripping his cock at the base, you squirmed a little as you looked at it.  “You see this?  I’m still hard.  You make me feel like a fuckin’ teenager again, I swear.”

“I can’t…” you sighed weakly, your voice sounding all cracked and whiny as it moved through your sore throat.  “I can’t take it again…”

“Don’t worry,” he soothed, “I’m gonna give your poor cunt a break… so I can rape this cute little ass.”

“No!” you yelped.  “Please!  Not there!”

He slapped you quickly before maneuvering two fingers to your other hole, teasing it as he laughed at your pre-emptive wince.

“It’s not gonna be so bad, baby, I’m gonna get you ready for it first, see?  I bet you’ll love it, nasty little thing like you.”

The first finger slipped in with a little pop as the tight ring of muscle shifted to accommodate him.  You’d never had anything go up that way before, and it was nothing like you could’ve imagined.  Hissing in a breath through your teeth, you whimpered as he added a second finger already.

“Just relax,” he instructed.  “Not that I don’t love you gripping my fingers with your tight little hole, but it’ll hurt less if you just let it happen.”

You willed your muscles not to tighten even as he twisted his fingers inside you, moving slowly until he was buried all the way to the knuckle and then finally pulling back.  The third was a bit more of a challenge as he opened you wider, your fists clenching at the sting of pain.  He let his come drip down from your pussy to use as lube, which was undoubtedly the filthiest thing you’d ever experienced.  You tried to keep quiet and relax as he told you to, but your fight was renewed slightly as he pulled his fingers out and lined up his cock with your hole.  

“Please,” you shivered, “don’t do this…”

“When are you gonna stop fucking fighting it, huh?  How stupid are you?  You’re tied up on the floor, I already made this pussy mine and you fucking loved it, how much more obvious could it be that I’m gonna do this?  You’re fucked.  It’s over.  Just accept it and I’ll make it good for you.”

“This can’t be good for me,” you hissed through your teeth.

“Well, in that case,” he groaned, interrupting himself as he roughly shoved his cock into your ass.  The air was punched from your lungs as pain burned white-hot through your body— it didn’t feel like his fingers had done much to prepare you at all, with the way this hurt.  As soon as you had the oxygen needed to do so, you were crying again, loud sobs echoing around your dark, empty living room.  “I was gonna be gentle,” he taunted you darkly, “but you had to run that mouth of yours.”

You tried to choke out an apology, but it was useless as he shoved his fingers into your mouth. 

“Suck on ‘em, show me what your mouth is good for,” he demanded as you closed your lips and swirled your tongue around his fingers.  “Fuck, that’s better.  See how good it is when you know your place?”

You couldn’t really process his words, though, as you spent all your energy on trying not to think about how his cock felt in your ass.  It was like being full in a completely different way than before, like being opened wider than you knew was possible.  He pulled his fingers from your mouth and you hated the moan that spilled out after them.

“Your cunt is getting wet,” he sing-songed mockingly as he leaned back and looked down at it.  “You love it up the ass, huh?  Dirty bitch.”

You shook your head in denial (even though you could feel that he was right, at least about the first part), but he grabbed your jaw and forced you to look at him.

“Say it,” he grunted.  “Admit it, slut.  Admit you love getting fucked up the ass.”

“I…” you whimpered, barely able to get the words out even though you knew you needed to if you wanted to prevent him from hurting you worse.  “I love… getting fucked—” you stopped to swallow the lump in your throat— “up the ass.”

He backhanded you, hard, right across the face.  You cried and gasped all at once, choking on air from the force of the hit.  “WHORE!” he yelled right in your face.

You sobbed uncontrollably as he fucked you with more brutality than you’d known was possible.  “Please,” you tried to beg, even if you knew it was useless, but it was totally incomprehensible as you shook with the force of your cries, hissing in breaths through your teeth to try to cope with the pain.

“Thought it would take me a while to come again, but your ass feels so goddamn good— fuck, I’m close already.  Want me to fill up that tight little ass?”

You shook your head as you sobbed, shaking violently against the confines of the ropes.  Distantly, you heard the chimes of your clock in the other room.

“You hear that?” he whispered.  “That means it’s midnight— it’s Christmas.”

He leaned in until his hot breath tickled your ear and neck, making you wish you could turn your head away more than just a few centimeters.

“Merry fucking Christmas,” he purred, just as you felt his cock swell and pulse inside you.  Your eyes rolled back as you wondered if you’d ever been so full before.

It was a haze after that as he gently untied you, getting his gun out again and keeping it trained on you as he followed you to the bathroom and forced you to shower.  Force was a bit of an overstatement, though, considering your desire to clean him off of you as much as possible.  “I’m not gonna tell anyone, Robert,” you tried to calm him down as you shivered under the stream of water that hadn’t quite warmed up yet.

“Yeah, well, just in case,” he insisted as he waved the gun pointed in your direction.  “Wash between your legs real good, push my come out.”

“Not gonna matter if you knocked me up like you said,” you reminded him.  “A paternity test will be evidence enough.”

“Shut up,” he grimaced.  “Can’t prove you didn’t want it, anyway.  We both know you did.”

You didn’t respond to that, opting to shower silently instead and wincing every time you tried to clean between your legs.  You were going to be sore for days, if not weeks.

“We both know I’m gonna be back for more real soon,” he added darkly.  “Too good for just one night.” 

[wreckofawriter]

Can't Forget, Won't Forgive

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Reader [post war]

Word Count: 3,420 (nice)

Warnings: Swearing, drinking, mentions of depression and anxiety, slight PTSD, a bit angst with fluffy ending

Request: @perfectlyimperfectcrystal: Can you make Draco x oc post war fic?

Summary: Four years after a war that she believed ruined her life reader is forced to reenter her past for a party with an unexpected guest [Reader is abt 22, 23 Draco is 21]

A/n: I ligit re wrote this three time, I could not figure out what to do and eveything I wrote was cringy as fuck, I'm so sorry this took forever, I'm hopping to finish up a few old requests soon. Love u all <3

    Your heart seized in your chest. Everything in you was begging your legs to turn and run. You bit harshly on your lip, this was a bad idea, teeth sunk into flesh and you tasted blood. A really bad idea. The grip on your small gift bag tightened. You could turn around right now and no one would know. You felt like throwing up, were you panicking again? You couldn't tell your chest felt too tight. You could text Harry and tell him you were sick. It would be fine. You don’t have to. 

    You turned on your heels, tears nearly springing into your eyes as you opened the door to your car. You slammed it shut gripping the steering wheel and leaning your forehead on its center. Sobs stung your eyes as your knuckles went white. You felt so weak, this wasn't you, you had fought death eaters, saved hundreds, survived torture, killed people. Now you were crying in a 1998 Corolla because you were too scared to go into a house full of nothing but old friends? It was pathetic. 

    Your teeth found your already raw bottom lip, you sucked in a breath and released it. You could do this. You snatched the paper bag beside, left the safety of your car, sprinted up the porch steps and knocked three times before you could change your own mind. 

    You could hear shuffling inside before the door was flung open and you were greeted by a freckled red-head. 

    “Y/N!” George shouted, “We were beginning to think you wouldn’t show!” 

    “I guess I’m fashionably late.” You laughed awkwardly cringing at your own words. 

    The twin just chuckled, “Come in, we’ve got tons of food and even more alcohol because ya know were actually old enough to drink now.” He laughed dragging you inside. 

    You giggled your heartbeat slowing, “I missed you, George.” 

    “I missed you too kitty.” He answered by pulling you into a hug. You welcomed it, heart throbbing at the nickname his late brother had given you. 

    You followed the man into the house which was already crowded with people. What else could you expect of an engagement party of the Boy Who Lived? Although you were sure Hermione planned it. You ran into Ginny and made small talk, looking at the ring and congratulating her on her wins in quidditch. Harry then stole her away after a quick greeting explaining something about Seamus breaking a pool cue. 

    You were suddenly left alone, you took a deep breath. You decide a drink would be best, a beer or two would do miracles for your nerves. You found the kitchen surprisingly empty, you opened the fridge grabbing a beer. You glanced around for an opener but opted for a small knife in the block to your left. You popped it open and took a sip, the cold liquid giving you a warm sensation.

You hopped up onto the counter glancing out of the door and watching as George arm-wrestled Ron over a coffee table. 

You snorted as the elder smashed the others arm down leaping to his feet and letting out a cry of victory. It still hurt a bit to look at him. Fred was so similar. But you would never let him know that you were sure he knew well enough himself.

You turned as you heard footsteps approach and your breath caught in your throat. Your eyes locked with deep grey as your heart stopped beating.

"Oh um hey y/n.," Draco spoke his hand scratching at the back of his neck. 

You had heard that your life flashed before your eyes when you were about to die. You thought it couldn't be much different than the memories you had worked very hard to bury that flashed through you as you stared at the platinum blonde in front of you. 

"What the fuck are you doing here?" You hissed your jaw clamped shut as you felt hot tears rise to your eyes. 

"Oh, I was invited." His laughter was empty and suffocating at the same time. 

Your eyes stung. You lept from the counter slamming the beer in your hand down so hard you heard it crack. Draco flinched.

"Y/n I-," The man rushed towards you grabbing your wrist. 

Without a second of hesitation, your other hand shot up and you slapped him clean across the face. The sound your hand made on his pale cheek was loud, the smack gaining the attention of a few who sat in the living room.

"Stay the fuck away from me." You seethed stepping away from him. 

"Y/n?" You turned to see Luna, her pale blue eyes wide. You couldn't even offer a smile as you turned, sprinting to the door. 

You made it into the cold November air and realized it had gotten dark out. The light filtering from the house paired with the few buzzing street lamps cast a yellow filter over your surroundings. You fumbled with your keys as you made your way towards your car. You were leaving this time, that was non-negotiable. 

“Y/n!” A small voice yelled from the porch.

You didn’t want to look up but you did. Your keys slid into the door and you twisted click, your it was unlocked. 

“Y/n, please, I just want to talk to you,” Luna begged from the steps. You bit on your lip again, it stung harshly. 

    Turning you fought back tears as you pulled your keys from your door and stepped away from the car. Luna smiled softly at you. “It's good to see you, Luna.” 

    “It's great to see you y/n. I was quite disappointed when we lost contact.” She explained aloof as ever. “But guess you blocked us all out on purpose.” Blunt as ever as well.

    You swallowed thickly not sure how to respond, she was right after all. 

    “It’s alright, no one blames you. You went through a lot. We were all very surprised to see you here today. George has missed you dreadfully.” She hummed leading you back inside where you could no longer see your breath. “I’m happy you came too. I always liked talking with you.” She continued up some stairs stopping midway and sitting down, patting the spot next to her which you took. 

    It was quiet for a while, you could hear laughter and music, a loud gasp followed by more laughter. You wondered if they were still arm wrestling. Tears clung to your eyes, you swallowed them but the world remained blurry. 

    “I can’t be around him, Luna.” You choked out, “Not after what he did to us.”

    “He didn’t do anything to us.” She shrugged playing with her large necklace. 

    Your brows furrowed, “How can you say that? How can you say that after those months Luna?” 

    “He didn’t do anything, his father did.” She explained her eyes now trained on you. 

    “And where is he?” You spat, “In his mansion with zero consequences.”

    “I suppose you’re right.” She mumbled, “But it does no good to take it out on Draco he didn’t do anything.”

    “That’s the issue Luna,” You hissed, “He didn’t do anything. He didn’t do anything as we were locked in his basement.”

    She hummed, “He couldn’t do anything.” You wished you could disagree, “He’s quite nice you know. It was a bit awkward at first but he’s quite nice now, he's going to be one of Harry’s groomsmen I believe.”

    “What?!” You exclaimed.

    “They are good friends now, he is quite nice like I said.” She had begun to fiddle with the ends of your hair, “He asks about you a lot. Always wondering how you are now and if you are going to come to parties and such.” 

    “He shouldn’t ask.” You huffed, “I don’t know why he does.” 

    “I think I do.” She hummed, you waited for her to explain but she didn’t. “He was just a child back then, he was a scared kid, we can’t blame what he did on him. He thought he had to.” 

    Anger fought through you taking your mind hostage. You could feel your face flush, eyes narrow, expression darkening, “You know what, I was a scared kid too, I was fucking horrified. He may get a free pass from the rest of you but he won't from me. I won’t forget what he did.” You seethed standing and walking down four steps. 

    “You wish you could forget though. I know you do. That's why you don’t return our calls or come to birthday parties. You want to forget yet you refuse to. You confuse me y/n.” Luna claimed. She didn’t stop you as you left the house, refusing to look back. You peeled out of the driveway less than a minute later tears of anger and frustration streaming down your face. 

   

    You got home and swore, finding the only liquor in the house to be rose strawberry tequila, something you had bought, opened and hated. You drank it anyway plopping down on the couch with cold pizza from the night before and turning on the TV to see an episode of some anime you couldn’t keep track of. The main character yelled too much and the main girl was obsessed with a boy. It pissed you off, a fuckin pushover. 

    You were about an episode in, swearing as a character whose name you couldn’t remember was flung from a rooftop. Your phone buzzed in your pocket, you flipped it open struggling to read the small writing on the greenish background. You gave up closing it and chucking it across the room as the boy stood back up blood dripping from the corner of his mouth. You cheered. 

    Draco isn’t sure what prompted him to show up at your doorstep at 2:32 in the morning. Maybe it was the constant nagging from Ginny or maybe the fact that you had seen but had not replied to his text or maybe it was the fact that he had been in love with you since he was 13, never had the guts to tell you, was forced into letting some fucked up things happen to you and now you wouldn’t even look at him. Or maybe it was simply because he was hammered. In all honesty, it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was now banging on your apartment door. 

    You weren't quite sure if you were imagining it or not as you jumped from your sleep. The loud banging continued as you rubbed the sleep from your eyes, brushing your hair out of your face. You stood up head aching slightly as you felt a hangover in the near future. You stumbled towards the door swearing as you tripped over a chair leg. 

    “Jesus what!?” You shouted flinging opening the door. In seconds someone came stumbling at you. A body collided with yours at a fighting force knocking you straight to the ground. You shrieked feeling your lower back ram into your hardwood floor. 

    “Fuck sorry.” The body mumbled propping himself up straddling your waist, his hands on either side of your head. Draco soaked in your image, your cheeks flushed, eyes wide, lips pursed. “God you’re so fuckin beautiful,” he mumbled one of his hands moving to stroke your ruffled hair. 

    You slapped his hand away, jaw clenched, “Get off of me!” you yelled lifting your knee and connecting it with his stomach. 

    He wheezed face contorting in pain as you rolled him off of you standing up, “What the hell are you doing here Malfoy?” You spat his name like poison. 

    Draco now lay on his back staring up at your ceiling he groaned running his hand through his hair, “I missed you.” he mumbled upwards, “I missed you so fucking much.” his words broke.

    “Oh my god, you’re drunk.” You groaned slamming the heels of your hands into your eyes. 

    “I'm not drunk.” He fought back sitting up quickly. 

    “Oh yeah?” You asked, “What's 2 plus 3?” 

    He furrowed his brows in thought, “23.” he replied about twenty seconds later. 

    “You’re definitely drunk.” You sighed.

    “I just wanted to talk y/n and you wouldn’t answer my texts so I had to come here so we could talk.” His words were slurred and hard to understand. 

    “We have nothing to talk about.” You sneered, “Now get out of my house.” 

    “Please y/n, just for a few minutes.” He begged, getting to his feet and grabbing your wrists pulling you towards him, his breath was warm and smelled of beer as it wafted over your face.

    You pushed him off cringing, “If I let you talk, will you leave?” You bargained not really caring where the drunk ended up.

    He nodded vigorously, stumbling into your house a little ways before sitting back down, back against the small island in the middle of your kitchen. You slid down the fridge sitting across from him. For a second you thought he had fallen asleep, his head lolled to one side, his right leg stuck out straight, the other bent towards him. But he snapped to attention looking at you with wide eyes. 

    “Well?” You asked.

    “Oh yeah.” He mumbled taking a deep breath, “I did miss you ya know. I always did. When we were in school you wouldn’t even talk to me unless you were yelling insults and god I wanted you to talk to me sooo bad. I was so fuckin in love with you.” He was interrupted by a hiccup, “And then everything started falling apart and my parents got mad and wanted me to kill people and I was so scared.” Tears welled into the blonde's eyes. His voice straining against him, “And then they caught you because of your dad, and- and I-” More hiccups, tears sliding down his cheeks, “I just wanted to help you and I couldn’t I was such a fucking coward. And I'm sorry y/n/n.” your nickname rolled off his tongue, “I so so fucking sorry.” 

    The kitchen was silent for a long time. The soft sound of sniffing and the drip of tears on tile. The hum of the refrigerator providing a background for the nothingness. Darkness almost seems to muffle everything, the only light coming from the time displayed on the microwave and the moonlight filtering through your few windows. 

    “Fuck Draco,” You cussed, “This is not how I wanted my night to go.” your voice wavered. You could feel tears sliding down your cheeks cooling in the dark air. You sniffed wiping your face. “Well I guess since your drunk as fuck and won’t remember anything anyway I might as well get some things off my chest.” 

    Draco gazed up at you his eyes rimmed with red, his pale cheeks blossoming with beer thirsted roses. He looked so fragile, like a glass figurine or a dried flower. 

    “I’m kind of a shit person.” You chuckled sadly, “I mean I try to blame it on my parents and their nuclear marriage, which was dead long before I was in the world, but they kept mercilessly reincarnating it like some sort of monster from an old movie. They yelled more than they should have, my dad especially, he had anger issues he blew up easily and never got help for it.” You had tears pouring so thickly from your eyes you could hardly see.

“I was messed up in the head, I was rarely happy and when I was it was only for a few seconds, I got panic attacks and I-” Your voice broke with a sob, “I never really dealt with it and you always managed to piss me off. Maybe it was the fact that you seemed to get everything you wanted or maybe that I always thought you were so cute despite the fact that you were a complete asshole. Hell, I had a stupid school girl crush on you from the minute I laid eyes on you and I hated it so much.

 “And I don’t know, I pushed people away, fuck I broke up with Fred three months before he died because I was scared when he said he wanted me to meet his parents.” Your voice broke and you whimpered, “And then I got locked in your house because of my shit father and since then I’ve been avoiding everyone and everything hoping that I can just forget it all but being too stubborn to forgive it so I’m just stuck and it sucks.” You were sobbing now, “It sucks so fucking bad.” 

Draco turned around and pushed himself towards you. He put his arm around your shoulders and tucked his head into your neck, inhaling your scent and mumbling something you couldn’t make out over the strength of your cries. 

You woke up the next morning head pounding, eyes stinging as you opened them. You were sprawled on your kitchen floor, your lower back aching with pain. Your head rested on Draco’s chest, his legs tangled with yours, arm around your waist as yours rested around his neck. You groaned carefully sliding from his grasp, this was not how things were supposed to go. You were not supposed to be blushing because of Draco Malfoy. You huffed heading to the bathroom and taking a quick shower before changing into a pair of sweats and an oversized t-shirt. You walked into the kitchen crouching next to the man on your floor and poking his cheek. He didn’t even budge. You sighed stepping over him to your coffee maker. 

    Two hours later as you sat on your couch with a book in your lap you heard a loud groan from your kitchen. Rolling your eyes you stood up and made your way towards the newly awakened blonde who cussed as he attempted to get to his feet. His eyes locked with yours and widened, “Y-y/n?” he sounded mortified. 

    You smirked, “Good afternoon Draco.”

    His cheeks blossomed with color as he ran his hands through his hair nervously, “Um what am I doing here?” 

    “Well, you showed up here at two in the morning drunk as fuck and proclaiming your love for me.” You explained. 

    He paled eyes getting impossibly wider, he slumped against your counter burying his face in his hands. “Oh, Merlin y/n I’m so sorry.” 

    You sighed biting your abused lip, “Look Draco, it’s not that big of a deal.” 

    He looked up at you, visibly confused.

    “You said some crazy shit last night but so did I and I-” You sighed again swallowing harshly, “I would actually like to take up your offer on dinner, ya know the one you probably don’t remember texting me. We need to talk, like when one of us isn’t wasted and the other isn’t an emotional wreck.” 

    “Really?” Draco asked.

    “Yeah,” You confirmed, “Can you pick me up at seven tonight?” 

    “Umm yeah.” He said not really remembering if he could but also not really caring, he would anyway. 

    You took a step towards him standing on your toes and placing a kiss on his cheek, “Thank you Draco.” 

    The man shook his head, “You did it wrong.” he whispered.

    “What?” You asked, suddenly feeling his hands on your hips pulling you closer. 

    “I said you did it wrong.” He repeated.

    “I know what you said, I just-” Your sentence fell short as he bent forward his lips inches from your own. 

    “Can I kiss you y/n?” He asked so quietly if you were any further apart you wouldn’t have heard it. 

    Your mind reeled but before you could really think about it you were nodding and his lips were on yours. He pulled you flush against him, you could feel his heart hammering in his chest, or maybe it was your own. His tongue swiped the seam of your lips and you opened them allowing him to deepen the kiss, he still tasted of beer and tears for the night before. 

    You broke away panting lightly staring up at his icy grey eyes. “You taste like shit.” You whispered. 

    Draco broke into a barking laugh, “You really know how to kill a mood.” 

    You shrugged, “You better brush your teeth before tonight.” 

    He smiled his heart still beating erratically, you looked so pretty with swollen lips, “Does that mean we are going to be kissing more?” 

    “Maybe.” You shrugged again smiling, “Now get out of my house Draco.” 

    “Of course.” 

Taglist:

@accio-rogers

@roslea

@k3nz-doodl3

@theseuscmander

@sleepingalaska

Masterlist

[lombredanslaeu]

����𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒄𝒖𝒕 | l.taeyong

plot: a letter for lee taeyong - the love of your life and the tear in your heart.

genre: angst, fluff

warning: messy writing lol, explicit scene

word count: 2401

proofread: no

Dear Lee Taeyong,

I hope this letter finds you well. I’m not sure if I could ever gain the courage or the chance to say what I have to say to you. There are a lot of things I’m not sure about; one of which is how the universe crossed our paths. Was it just for the heaven’s comedy relief or was it because we were meant to find one another? I’m not sure which one I’ll believe. Nevertheless, I’m happy that day happened even if it’s cringy to look back at right now.

The university atrium was crowded with booths and students. Today was the first day of the organization recruitment week. Your brother told you about the joys of meeting new people by joining organizations that sparks your interest. So, you did not waste a second going to the busy fair.

You were currently lining up for the photography organization. To your dismay, there aren’t actually a lot of organizations that suits your interest. You enjoy taking photos and looking at them so you just opt for the photography org.

You were lost in your own world when a tap on your shoulder cut your reverie.

“Hey, I’m sorry to bother,” The man said. He was taller than you, his features were smooth & pristine almost like a Disney character. He also sported a pink shade on his hair. “Can I borrow your pen? I’m really rushing to get a slot on the performing arts org.”

You looked down at the pen that placed on the small pocket of your blouse. You weren’t in a hurry but he was. Being the kind person you are, you gave it to him.

“Sure, here.” You placed the pen on his hand.

He muttered a series of “thank you”’s before scurrying off to the really busy performing arts line.

You went back to your own reverie. When you reached the front table, your hand went to the small pocket of your blouse. Your fingertips failed to feel the slim pen and you mentally groaned. Now, you were the one who’s in need of a pen. You looked back at the distant performing arts booth but failed to spot the pink-haired duded who borrowed your pen.

You never saw him again for the next two weeks; he never crossed your mind anyway. That was until a shadow towered over you while you sat in seclusion at the back of the lecture hall.

“I’m sorry for running away with your pain.” The pink-hair dude spoke above you. The vibrant hue on his head faded into a soft, bubblegum pink. That shade suits him better. “I saw you looking around for me when it was your turn to fill out the registration sheet.”

With that, he placed a new pen on your desk. It was wrapped with a small ribbon.

“I was supposed to return it to you but I saw you getting annoyed and I felt so bad.” He explained further.

You chuckled at his gesture. Sure, that event annoyed you back then but now, it just became a funny memory.

“It’s no problem.” You said. “Thank you-”

“Taeyong.” He continued.

There’s so many things to love about you, Yongie. I could list all the things I adore about you. From the way you’re always supportive of the people around you to the way your eyes shine whenever you perform in the university auditorium and you suddenly spot your friends in the crowd. I could go on and on but this letter would probably be ten pages long and I only have so much ink left in this pen. Yes, the same pen you gave me the second time we met. I never used it until today. It held so much sentimental value that if I were to merely use it on a quiz or lecture notes, I would immediately feel guilty. Actually, I retract that statement. I used it one time to fill out the application form for the first job I’m applying to. I was surprised that it still works. I would have thought that the ink has dried out already; after all, it’s been hidden somewhere on my desk until the day I went to that job interview.

You don’t have much time left. Your body clock got used to sleeping at an ungodly hour and waking up during the middle of the day. Your interview starts at 8:20 AM and it was already 7:30 AM. You thanked yourself for showering the night before as you don’t need to do much.

You hurriedly packed your necessities. You always bring a pen with you whenever you go; and with that, you grabbed a random pen sitting on your pen holder.

For some miracle, you made it before 8:20 AM. The secretary gave out a form for you to fill out. You reached for the pen inside your purse. The small jewel decoration at the top of the cap was reminiscent of the smile of the person who gave the pen to you. It was as if this was Taeyong’s way of saying good luck. Whenever you went, he was always there with you.

But as there were many things to love, there were also many things to hate. I feel like we are now in the situation where I’m finally free to talk about these things to you. To be frank with you, we had all the reasons and chances to communicate and talk about these problems. The thing is: we never did. Maybe it was because we came to the terms that we were falling apart. I don’t blame you. I, too, was scared of what would result if we ever had that conversation. To say that I don’t regret not pushing myself to fix everything would be an understatement. I regret everything, Taeyong. I regret not talking to you and making you suffer. I regret ever putting you into that light. However, I cannot help but point the blame to our situation that night. You weren’t talking either and I felt like I shouldn’t exert effort into someone who clearly does not want to fight with me. Was that how you felt that night? No, wait. Don’t answer that. It would crush me to know that it was only me who refused to accept that I was wrong.

You waited for hours. Normally, Taeyong would be the one to initiate a resolution, to seek a middle ground between the two of you. The clock was ticking towards midnight. In ten minutes, the eerie silence between the two of you would turn five hours old. The words you threw at one another bounced back and forth in your head, as if the walls of your brain were the same walls of your shared apartment.

“You never listen to what I have to say!”

“I don’t need to listen when I already saw it with my two eyes!”

“Are you hearing yourself?”

“Stop trying to make it seem like this is my fault.”

“You’re blowing this all out of proportion, of course it’s your fault!”

Before, you and Taeyong were magic. Right now, nothing was sparking aside from the raging frustration between the two of you. It’s been four years of you and him being lovers. Have you outgrown each other this quickly? Why did the fire burn out so quickly and who turned a blind eye on it?

“We’re not gonna fix anything if we just ignore each other.” You spoke. It was the morning after the fight. While you found yourself asleep on the bed, you found Taeyong asleep on the couch. You felt bad, his height is no match for the space the couch could offer. The urge to fix everything was demanding to be felt so here you are, in front of the office he works at.

“You don’t listen to me so what’s the point?” He replied, the look of impatience washing over his face.

“I didn’t come here to form another fight, Taeyong.” You said in a exasperated voice. Taeyong could right through you. You wanted to fix what happened last night. Along with that came a tinge of fear in his heart. He’s scared that your proposition in fixing everything was to take a break or worse, break up. He doesn’t want that.

“Then, you shouldn’t have came here at all.”

What would you do when your ex suddenly calls you at 3:00 AM on a Saturday asking to hold you once more? You weren’t drunk so I believed everything that you said. That was my mistake. I failed to realize that alcohol isn’t the only thing that could make you do things out of your control. Loneliness is a dangerous drug as well. I have to admit that I slept with you not because I missed you but because I was afraid I would never feel loved again. Looking back now, I definitely came back running because I love you. Not because I miss you, but because I was pathetically in love with you and I was scared I don’t know how to stop it. I was willing to swallow my pride, to swallow everything my mother taught me about loving myself because I wanted to feel you with me again.

His hands roamed around your naked torso. Taeyong’s hand were different from the other boys who have touched you before. His lips fluttering kisses all over your neck. For a moment, it felt like you were his and he was yours again; even though the current circumstances tells you otherwise. Your shirt was the first to go, followed by your bra.

You knew the implications of your actions. But all rationality seemed to evacuate from your system the minute his cock bottomed out inside of you. Each hard thrusts signifies his longing and his need to be yours again. Although he can never say these things out loud, he sure did rely them on his actions. You felt like the universe is about to explode inside of you and finally, when it cracks, you get to see a slice of heaven. Taeyong leaned down to kiss your quivering lips, his breathing as deep as his thrusts.

“I bet no one could ever fuck you like this.” He spoke above you, eyes as dark as the sins he was doing to your body.

But I’m over all of it now. I’m over being helplessly in love with you and doing nothing to stop myself from running back to you all the time. I’m done throwing myself under the fire of missing you each time our favorite song plays on shuffle. I’m done worrying about doing things we used to do together, I’m done being afraid if those things will trigger a memory of you. We had grown up over the years and so does how I feel about you. The minute I realized I don’t want to feel okay without you is the minute I realized all the mistakes that we could have easily corrected but never did.

You’re not accepting this fate. You refuse to accept a life that would be spent without Taeyong by your side. There are a lot of things you’re not sure about except for one thing - you would conquer all the odds just to make sure it was him you’re spending the rest of your life with. You just don’t know how and when to make him realize that you’re always down for him.

Him, on the other hand, was racing through traffic to get to where you are. Today was your birthday - your first birthday without him to be exact. All it took was one look at the calendar for Taeyong to realize that he shouldn’t be afraid of mending things with you. Because even if the situation gets rough, you would always be by his side. He mentally cursed himself for ever being scared of talking shit out.

But when he saw you celebrating with your friends and a smile too beautiful it could move a thousand seas, he wonders if he was too late.

Taeyong, you taught me how to be mature. You taught me how to be forgiving even if the people around me aren’t. Most importantly, you taught me how to love fully, madly, and truly. And for that, I cannot thank you enough. I cannot thank you enough for showing me that love isn’t always beautiful but it is always kind. Your love keeps no records of wrongs and I don’t think a love like that could ever exist within anyone else. Thank you for borrowing my pen during the college fair. If I could turn back time and make everything easy for us, I would. You have no idea how much I want to that. But, alas, I can’t. So for now, we just have to live with the burned pages of our past. It is up to you if you want to bury at the back of your mind or if you want to paste them all over your walls. I’m sorry for the pain I gave you - please never forget that it was the last thing I could ever want to give you.

For the love that I will always rejoice upon even in my last living hours, I sincerely thank you.

See you tomorrow at the altar.

 Yours until the sun no longer shines,

Y/N.

[forgottenpasta]

Baby, You’re Bad | 01

Summary: A drunken, pre-debut mistake comes back to haunt Yoongi when years later you turn up pregnant from the sperm he donated when he was a broke, underground rapper. idol!au, pregnant!reader.

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Eventual Smut

Pairings: Yoongi x Reader, Taehyung x Reader

Word count: 9.5k

Warnings: overuse of the word sperm lol; graphic depiction of artificial insemination; this is an asshole!Yoongi au; Suga when he was Gloss; use of real-life instances for plot purposes; idk some people might not like that.

“Are you ready, Miss___?

No. Yes. No. 

Maybe the fertility medication they had you on was making you illogically sentimental, but you felt like bawling your eyes out. 

The thin pen-shaped catheter in the doctor’s gloved hands epitomized everything you’d ever wanted. Third time’s the charm, they say. God, you hoped so. 

You nodded a little too vigorously. “Yes, please.”

The kind nurse who’d been assigned to you since the beginning of your treatment chuckled from beside the ultrasound machine. If the doctor was amused at your enthusiasm, she didn’t let it show. She bent her head between your stirruped legs. 

You were beyond any kind of embarrassment now, no stranger to a doctor tinkering with your vagina to get you pregnant. This was your third IUI. If you could, you’d shout it from the rooftops. If climbing the Everest and planting a flag at the summit that said “I want a fucking child!” got you pregnant, you would. If could just blast off to space—

“This might feel a little uncomfortable.”, the doctor, Kim Yeri, warned, adjusting the speculum wedged down there.

“I know.” 

The nurse gave you an encouraging smile and a thumbs-up as she mouthed “Fighting!”. Feebly, you smiled back. In a moment of weakness, you’d spilled all your world woes to her when you’d come for the initial check-up. After two previous failed Intra Uterine Insemination attempts at two different clinics, you had been feeling like the most barren woman on the planet, despite the doctors assuring you that it wasn’t your uterus that was the problem, but “you know sometimes these things just don’t work, it’s all luck and probability.” 

Your bank balance wasn’t surviving on luck and probability though, it was suffering. Your money wasted on absolutely nothing, nada, nothing coming out of your vagina in the next nine months except more periods. You’d started to hate the sight of your own blood, associating with it the feeling of disappointment at your empty womb. 

You twitched slightly as the catheter entered you, willing yourself to not clench your pelvic muscles as the doctor had instructed. 

Ever since you could remember, you had wanted to be a mother. You absolutely adored children, lived for them. Literally. Your job as a children’s fiction writer wasn’t something that just happened, you had decided what you wanted to be during the summer vacation of junior year in high school, when all your aunts would leave you with their children as they went off golfing. That’s when you discovered that you had a special talent with mini people. You could spin intricate, sometimes nonsensical stories that put them in a trance and into a deep sleep in record time. Stories about princesses who turned into pirates, a little mouse’s adventures on other planets, a talking pebble who wanted to be a diamond and so much more. Kids loved you, even days old infants seemed to like being in your presence (their mothers’ words not yours). 

But as much as you couldn’t even dream about being anything else, writing children’s stories was hardly as lucrative as being a doctor or a lawyer. You did good enough for yourself but your job couldn’t support repeated attempts at artificially induced pregnancy. 

As the catheter breached your cervix, you closed your eyes and relaxed back into the examination chair. This was it. If it didn’t work out this time, you didn’t know what you’d do.

Try the traditional method like everyone else.

Internally, you snorted at the thought. One side effect of wanting your own child in your mid to late twenties, no potential partner ever saw eye to eye with you. Men didn’t want to be saddled down with a child this early. Your own pickiness with partners could also be blamed. You weren’t into men who weren’t good with children. One of your ex-boyfriends once scolded a 11-year-old kid for loitering around his new bike, checking it out. The next day you’d dumped him via text. 

Suffice it to say, at twenty-seven you were painfully single and the prospects of a serious relationship in your near future looked as microscopic as the sperm being currently inserted inside you. 

Looking down your hospital gown-clad body, you noted the transparent tube pumping “washed” cryopreserved and thawed semen into you. The clinic where you’d went for your first IUI had explained the procedure. The preserved donor sperm was “washed” off any impurities and chemicals to ensure maximum sperm count per mL. 

As the cloudy liquid travelled down the tube, you briefly wondered about it’s origins. When you were filling the form for donor specificities, Dr. Kim had presented you with the options of having sperm that could result in potential desired characteristics for your child. Such as a donor with green eyes or dimples or tall height or even a specific race. The whole talk had left a weird taste in your mouth and you had quickly dismissed it, writing only ‘healthy’ on the form. This wasn’t a pre-order and you’d love your child no matter how they turned out. 

Now, you let your mind wander off to the unknown person who’s child you would potentially (hopefully) bear. What were they doing right now? What did they look like? Did they have any idea they were likely about to have a biological child out there? You shook your head, anonymous donors sold their semen for money, they probably already had many children out there from women like you or infertile couples. You could never understand how a parent was comfortable knowing there was a child out there who would never know them, but you weren’t about to criticise someone you were directly profiting off of. 

“All done.” Dr. Kim smiled as she sat up straight, slowly pulling the tube out of you and placing it on the tray the nurse held out. 

“Do you think this might be it?” There was a slight wobble in your words. 

Damn hormonal drugs. 

Dr. Kim gave you the signature neutral yet evasive and unintentionally condescending smile all doctors seemed to master when their patients asked hopeful questions with no right answers. 

“If everything goes well from here on out, I can’t imagine why this shouldn’t be it. You have to take care of yourself and keep us informed about any changes in your body. I’m scheduling a check-up in two weeks. But you can take an at-home pregnancy test before that if you miss your period and feel like you might be pregnant.”, she explained, pulling out the speculum as well.

You stayed put, knowing from previous experience that keeping your pelvis horizontal for a few minutes was recommended after insemination. 

“Okay, thank you, Dr. Kim.” You smiled your gratitude at the cheerful nurse too.

“Good luck, Miss __. I’ll see you soon, hopefully with good news.”

Afterward, when you slowly made your way to your car in the clinic’s parking lot, you couldn’t help but caress your stomach. A tender, optimistic gesture. This had to be it. Having a child of your own was everything you’d ever wanted, the dream of being a mother one of the goals you had always been steadfast on. A dream which might finally be coming true. 

~•~•~

“What a nightmare.”

Yoongi’s hushed words seemed loud in the silent SUV. A complete contrast to the din and clamour outside. The car was inching at a snail’s pace, wading through a mob of fans gathered outside Charles De Gaulle. After landing, their private jet had taxied close to the VIP exit and they had left feeling like this might be a rare hassle-free entry into another country. But somehow, someone had been tipped about the cars they were leaving in and a horde of fans had greeted them as soon as they merged into the main exit outside the airport. 

“Shut up, they’re endearing.”, Taehyung griped, peering out the window when some armys started doing fanchants. “A little cringy, yeah, but cute.”

A loud thud against Yoongi’s side of the car made Taehyung and Hoseok flinch, snapping their gazes towards their hyung. In the push and pull outside, someone had toppled against Yoongi’s car door. 

The rapper cursed under his breath, immediately switching to an expression of indifference when phone cameras flashed too close, making him squint. He had thrown his face mask in his handbag and shoved it in the trunk and now he regretted it. The damn car didn’t even have tinted windows. Their jet lagged, irritated faces were going to be headlines in a matter of minutes. 

Ahead of them, the SUV Jeongguk, Namjoon, Seokjin and Jimin were in wasn’t faring any better, a swarm of fans surrounding it like bees to honey. 

Yoongi turned away from the window so they couldn’t read his mouth. “Cute, my ass. Where the fuck is the airport security? Someone’s gonna get hurt out there.”

As if on cue, three blue cars with the words Gendarmerie and flashing sirens atop haul in on the side road in a queue, the officers jumping out to contain the mob. As the fans start to disperse under harshly shouted commands, one girl pressed her hand to Yoongi’s window, gawking down at him with tears in her eyes, showing no signs of moving. 

Yoongi gave her a small smile, reaching up to align his palm with hers through the glass. Cameras flash wildly as he observed the girl hyperventilate. Soon enough the officers clad in dark blue manage to push back the crowd and the cars surge forward. The girl’s hand slipped away from the window and the rapper didn’t look back as he sighed deeply, leaning his head back against the headrest.

Their motorcade sped down the freeway in a line, heading to the Peninsula, Paris. 

His phone buzzed once in his pocket, but Yoongi didn’t care to check it, didn’t even open his eyes. 

“You shouldn’t nap right now, hyung. You’ll feel more tired when we leave for the magazine shoot as soon as we reach the hotel.”, Hoseok advised, not looking up from his own phone. 

“I don’t care. I’ll nap at the shoot too, they can take my photos with my eyes fucking closed. Nobody told them to schedule the shoot as soon we step foot in Paris.”

“Our management did.”, Taehyung supplied helpfully. 

Yoongi snorted. “Of course they did. When do they ever let us breathe.”

Their manager in the front seat cleared his throat. “I’ll be sure to relay that to the higher ups.”

“Thanks.”, Yoongi replied dryly. 

When they reach their hotel, the SUVs parked in the basement. Their keycards were quickly handed to them as they bypassed the front reception, to the private elevators straight to their rooms. Two master suites with connecting doors, four bedrooms in total. As usual, they Rock Paper Scissor it and Yoongi got to room with Namjoon. And as usual the lucky maknae won, sauntering to his room with a smug grin on his face. 

“You have half an hour to freshen up, we have to reach the magazine’s studio at 3 sharp.”, Sejin informed after them. 

Namjoon sprawled on the king sized bed when Yoongi called dibs on the shower, shucking his clothes haphazardly and placing his phone on the ornate bedside cabinet. 

His mind was blissfully blank when he stepped inside the walk-in shower, the control panel allowing him to set the perfect temperature and pressure. Because this was routine, getting to the hotel just to jet off somewhere else, his mind was on autopilot, his body long since adapted to the requirements of someone always on the move. Although he complained and grouched, he knew he wouldn’t change a thing. Couldn’t. This was what kept them at the top. 

He was out of the shower in five minutes, toweling his hair dry as he stepped inside the room naked. Namjoon didn’t even blink at him, they had been living together for the better part of a decade now, they’d seen all there was to see of each other. 

The leader stretched out his long limbs languidly, getting up sluggishly to head to the en-suite. “Your phone’s been buzzing.”

Yoongi wrapped the towel around his waist, snatching up his phone to rove a cursory glance over the notifications. He was about to throw his phone atop the bed, dismissing the vague emails, when something stops him short. He peers down at the sender’s address. 

Ajeevan Fertility & Gyne Centre. 

What?

He unlocks his phone, thoroughly confused. This was his personal phone and he only got personal emails on it.

When the email expanded to full screen, he realised something. It wasn’t send to his current email address, but the one he used to use pre-debut, the one he’d made in high school. The one which fell into disuse after they had to change all their contact information due to privacy reasons. He didn’t even remember it syncing up through all his phone changes over the years, he never got notifications from it anymore. And sure enough, the last email of import send to him on this address was from five years ago. The spam folder was full though. 

He opened the weird email again, finally deeming to read it. It was succinct, to the point.

Dear donor,

Thank you for your donation dated 2011/03/09. It has been successfully utilised to make our client’s parenthood dreams come true. You are eligible for another donation, please contact us if interested. 

Regards

Sperm Bank Office

Ajeevan Fertility & Gyne Centre

**This is an automated message, please do not reply.**

Yoongi’s eyes burned a hole where the phone displayed the date. 2011/03/09. His eighteenth birthday. He took in a shuddering breath.

No no no no no. 

Without conscious thought, he plopped down on the bed, his knees going weak. His heart beat spiked to triathlon levels. Putting the phone face down on the table, he rested his elbows on his towel draped thighs, head in his hands.

He had to think. But there was nothing but static in his jumbled brain, which was still trying to catch up to the implications of the email. 

They made a mistake. They must have. I refunded the money. I told them I didn’t want it used. 

But the date. 

“You’re still not dressed. It’s almost time.”

Yoongi almost had a heart attack at Namjoon’s abrupt voice. “Fuck, dude. Why are you sneaking up on me?”

Namjoon’s frowned. He took out a pair of jeans from his bag, pulling them on as he eyed the other rapper. “I’ve been out here for a few minutes. What’s got you so lost?”

Yoongi didn’t answer. He wasn’t lost, he was on the verge of a full blown panic attack at even the minuscule possibility of a stupid teenage mistake coming full circle to end his life as he knows it. 

“Hyung.” Namjoon came forward, now genuinely worried, jeans riding low on his shirtless torso. “What is wrong? Are you okay?”

Yoongi had only told one person about the time when he’d hit rock bottom in his life. Namjoon was not him. 

“Can you get Jin hyung for me, Namjoon-ah?”, he asked, his words clear and coherent despite the chaos inside his mind. 

The leader didn’t question it, just got up to do as asked, plucking out a shirt along the way. 

A few minutes later, Jin poked his head inside, immediately entering and closing door at Yoongi’s pensive countenance. He raised a brow at the younger.

Yoongi held out his phone. 

Jin took it, seating himself on the bed as well. 

A few beats passed. 

Jin exploded. “What the hell?! Yoongi?! Is this saying what I think it’s saying?!”

Yoongi ran a tired hand down his face. “ I gave them their money back. Explicitly told them I wanted my sperm thrown in the trash.” The anger which had been slowly simmering, now bubbles to the surface. “What the fuck is this, hyung? I don’t even recognise the name of the clinic. What the fuck did they do with it?”

Jin bit his lip, confused. “What was the name of the place you donated to?”

“I don’t even remember, but it definitely wasn’t that. I should have known they were shady as fuck when they refused to return my sample.”

Jin was surprised. “Yeah, that should have raised several red flags, Yoongi.”

“I was eighteen.”, Yoongi growled. “I was stupid as fuck. Shit, I agreed to donate sperm because my bank balance was riding the negatives, what does that tell you?”

“That you were desperate.”, Jin shrugged. 

“Yes but not knowingly-having-a-kid-out-in-the-world desperate!”, Yoongi was freaking out. “I realised I didn’t have the moral consonance to have a kid I didn’t know and have estranged parents I despised at the same time. It was a stupid drunken whim, which I regretted the minute after and it has been one of the most shameful moments of my life since.”

“Wait.”, Jin scowled. “You were drunk when you donated and they let you?”

Yoongi sniffed. “I was tipsy, yeah. I needed liquid courage to go through with it.”

“That isn’t just red flags, Yoongi, thats red blaring fucking sirens. What kinda third rate, illicit place did you donate to?”

There was a knock on the door before Taehyung pushed it open. Behind him, the rest of the members looked ready to leave. 

Sejin also came into view, frowning at Yoongi. 

“Why aren’t you dressed?”

Jin and Yoongi exchanged a glance. Here goes fucking nothing.

~•~•~

“What a fucking liar.”

Yoongi’s glazed eyes drifted over to his roommate, Jaehyun.

“Who?”

He didn’t particularly want to know, but if he didn’t give Jaehyun some sort of verbal response he would likely keep pestering him about “liars who lied about lying”. 

The blonde man took a deep inhale from his cigarette, blowing the smoke towards Yoongi. “That lying rat, Hyungwon. Did you see him strut in here decked head to toe in designer shit I can’t even pronounce the name of.”

Slowly, Yoongi turned around on his barstool, scanning the packed club with lazy eyes. He spotted Hyungwon among a gaggle of scantily clad girls feeling up his biceps.

Yoongi squinted. “Hyungwon? Wasn’t he asking you to set up a gig for him last month?”

“Asking? No, the bastard was begging.”, Jaehyun sneered. “Said he didn’t even have enough for his next meal. Now, look at him. The lying fucker.”

Yoongi chuckled. “Don’t tell me you actually took pity on him.”

“He was pretty fucking convincing.” Jaehyung signaled for two shots, stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray atop the bar. “I even introduced him to our underground regulars, told them to give him a chance.”

“Is he any good?”

Jaehyun snorted. “Raps like a bubblegum pop princess.”

Laughing, Yoongi glanced back at the man in question, doing a double-take when he saw Hyungwon making his way towards them. “Ah shit. He’s coming here.”

Jaehyun blanched. “Hide me, quick.”

Too late.

“Hey, guys!”

Hyungwon hopped on the empty stool beside Yoongi, ordering a whiskey on the rocks, before turning towards the two men. “How have you been doing, Jay-T?” He wiggled his eyebrows a little. “And you, Gloss?”

Yoongi threw up in his mouth a little. 

Jaehyun groaned. “I told you not to call me that if I’m not on stage.”

Hyungwon grinned. 

Yoongi perused his attire. A gaudy jacket with square prints made up of the letter F, leather jeans that didn’t look like it came from a discount store where Yoongi got his from, ugly spiky sneakers with red soles. Although the outfit was hideous, he did seem to appear loaded all of a sudden. Usually, Yoongi wasn’t one to pry, but this bastard made him uncomfortable so he guessed he could return the favour. 

“Weren’t you broke last month? Did you rob a bank or something?”

Hyungwon smirked. “Nothing that extreme. I just happened to get lucky overnight.”

“So you won a couple games of poker, then?”, Jaehyun questioned. 

“Nah. Not that kind of luck.”

Both Yoongi and Jaehyun stared at him expectantly. The smug fucker just laughed.

“I paid off all my back rent, plus two months advance. Got presents for my three girlfriends and made the first deposit on my Royal Enfield.”

“You wanna rub it in?” Jaehyun scowled, his middle finger saluting him as he picked up his shot and downed it. 

“Jaehyun helped set up your first gig.” Yoongi guilt-tripped. Normally he wouldn’t care about some random fucker’s get-rich-quick schemes but these were desperate circumstances. “You owe him.”

The bartender brought Hyungwon’s drink. He paid for it in cash, noticing for the first time that Yoongi was neither drinking nor smoking. “Ah, why don’t you just admit it out loud? You need money. Can’t even afford a drink, can you?”

Yoongi flushed, squirming in his seat. 

Hyungwon raised a brow, feigning surprise. “Aren’t you one of the best underground rappers out there? The next big star?”, he snickered. “Dreams not quite panning out?”

“Shut up, loser.”, Jaehyun snapped. “He’s got a big audition coming up in a few months. When he gets in, we’ll see who’s laughing.”

“With what company? SM, YG?”

Jaehyun grit his teeth to stop himself from strangling the man. “Bighit.”

“Never even heard of it.”

Yoongi cut in, not liking the two men talking about him as if he wasn’t there. “Not your concern. Just tell us how you made so much in a month.” 

Hyungwon took a small sip of the whiskey, swallowing leisurely. He eyed the two men down as if they didn’t quite hold up to whatever judgments he was imparting in his mind. “It doesn’t matter anyway, you both are a bunch of pussies. 

Jaehyun, infamous for his short temper, bristled. “What the fuck did you say, you cumstain?”

Yoongi held his arm, halting him before he stood up. 

If they had put up with the asshole for so long, he was going to damn well make sure they got something out of it. Besides, he NEEDED to know how to get some quick cash. Jaehyun wasn’t aware of the extent of Yoongi’s destitution. What little money he made doing odd jobs and occasional gigs went to school fees and rent, whatever was leftover, if anything, went towards his music. Pretty soon even his daily diet of ramen was gonna go out of his budget. 

“What do you mean a bunch of pussies? Are you selling your organs or something?”, Yoongi pressed.

Hyungwon snorted. “Close enough.”

Okay. Yoongi wasn’t that desperate. “What the fuck, dude!”

Jaehyun’s eyes went wide and sorrowful. A complete 180 from his ire two minutes ago. “Bro. You don’t have to do that, there are always other options. Selling your body isn’t the answer. Let me set up something for you, spare your kidneys, please—

“Shut up.” Hyungwon scowled. “I’m not selling my internal organs.”

Yoongi was confused. “What are you selling then?”

Hyungwon took an unconcerned sip. “My sperm.”

Yoongi was shocked into silence, while Jaehyun scrunched up his face like he’d just tasted the sourest lemon. “That’s equally as fucked up.”

“It’s not. It’s just cum.”, Hyungwon defended. “I’m getting paid handsomely to cum in a plastic cup. If that’s not the easiest money, I don’t know what is.”

“Yeah and that cum is probably in some middle-aged woman’s oven, baking your fucking babies.”

Hyungwon shrugged, not in the least bit concerned. “They’re not mine. Biologically maybe, but I got nothing to do with them apart from that. I’m not an idiot, I read all the terms and clauses. Legally, I’m not gonna be a father until I fuck a baby into someone.”

Jaehyun shook his head, not convinced. “That’s still fucked up.”

“Whatever.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes, finishing his drink. “As I said, a bunch of fucking pussies.”

Yoongi was in deep thought as he listened to the two argue intently. He ran a hand through his hair, sighing out his opinion, “That’s gonna be on your head forever, always at the back of your mind. That you’ve got kids out there who don’t even know you exist.”

“They’re not my kids.”, Hyungwon reiterated, done with the conversation as he spotted a busty bottle blonde leaning across the bar seductively. “Now if you pussies are done, I gotta go dole out my thousand dollar cum for free tonight. Charity turns me on.”

Jaehyun watched him approach the blonde with a grimace. “What a sleazy asshole.”

“He is.”, Yoongi agreed. “But I hadn’t ever thought you could make so much selling semen.”

“I don’t think the government recognised sperm banks offer so much. He must be going to some back alley place.”

Yoongi hummed. “Must be.”

A month after the encounter with Hyungwon at the club, Yoongi had never felt more downtrodden in his life. If he had sinned in his previous life, karma was working overtime. His pity party had been going on for a week now. Right from when he’d been kicked out of his apartment for nonpayment of three months’ rent, to when he’d turned up at his usual hangout with the underground scene just to find out his upcoming gigs had been given to a new rapper he hadn’t even heard the name of, to his bank calling him for payment of pending bills, to here. In a line with the homeless for some free food at a soup kitchen and shelter. 

When he’d left home to chase his dreams, he’d never imagined that the road would be easy. He’d been prepared for ups and downs. But these weren’t just downs, these were never ending canyons that seemed to stretch on forever. He’d long since sold the music equipment he’d bought with his hard earned money to pay for school. With graduation so close, he hadn’t wanted to be expelled on top of being homeless. Jaehyun had offered to pay either his rent or tuition but Yoongi knew the guy was barely hanging on by a thread himself. He couldn’t ask for money from someone who barely had any to spare. 

He heaved a sigh when the line finally moved. The woman in front of him, who looked like she’d been on crack for decades, gave him a glare for the impatient noise. He wanted to flip her off. He hadn’t eaten anything since lunch yesterday when the kind acquaintance who’s sofa he’d been crashing on had offered him a sandwich. Moreover, in about half an hour he had an interview with a pizzeria for a delivery guy position. He didn’t wanna pass out in front of his potential employers, his ticket out of homelessness. But if this line didn’t hurry up, he’d have to forego a meal, he didn’t want to be late. 

Which was exactly what happened. Twenty minutes and the line barely moved a few feet, the bored volunteers taking their time serving the cold soup and stale bread. 

After a few more minutes Yoongi cursed, his old wristwatch told him it was 3:56 pm. If he didn’t hightail it out of there he could kiss the job goodbye. 

Fuck it.

Breaking the line, he sprinted out. The pizzeria was just two blocks away, he could make it in time if he ran. He didn’t have the money to catch a taxi anyway. And if he jaywalked a little, he could even have a few minutes to spare to change into the button down in his backpack. It was just a delivery position, but for him everything depended on it. He wanted to make a good impression. 

And jaywalked he did. Right into the bumper of a speeding car. 

The first few seconds, the lights were knocked out of him. When he came to, he did a mental survey of his body as he lay there on the pavement, a crowd forming around him. He didn’t feel any wetness, no blood then. Not a lot of excruciating pain either. Could it be that his stupidity had been spared or was he in hell already?

The murmurs of the crowd registered. A kind elderly man’s voice spoke somewhere above him. “Young man, are you okay? The ambulance is on its way. We don’t wanna touch you in case anything’s broken.”

Ambulance.

A sudden electricity zinged through his body, and Yoongi sat up, flinching when his shoulder screamed. There’s the pain.

“No ambulance.”, he grit out. He couldn’t have medical bills on top of everything right now. 

As he reached up to push back the hair in his eyes, his watch gleamed. 4:09pm.

His shoulders sagged in defeat. 

That night he sat with Jaehyun in his former apartment, drinking cheap soju his friend had scrapped together for him somehow. He’d told himself he deserved it after the day he’d had. Hell, the week he’d had. But somewhere inside him was a feeling of self loathing for wasting precious seconds not actively seeking to remedy his situation and stop relying on others. 

Jaehyun had picked him up that afternoon when he’d refused any medical help. So now his arm was in a makeshift sling, painkillers and alcohol doing the job doctors were supposed to. He was pretty sure he’d torn a ligament or something. He didn’t know, he slept through all his biology classes. 

On top of it all, it was his birthday tomorrow. He was turning 18, a legal adult. Not that it mattered, he’d been on his own since 15. Why did his life feel like it was ending when it had barely just begun?

“What if I do it?”, he hypothesised out of the blue. “Its gonna be quick and I just need to forget afterwards.”

Jaehyun frowned. “What are you talking about, my man?”

“Sperm donation.”

Jaehyun choked on his drink. “Yoongi! No, what the fuck!”

“Why not?”, Yoongi asked, his mind working overtime to justify something he’d never thought he’d need to. It was a given. “Its not like anybody would know. Well apart from you and me.”

“That’s not the point. You wanna have kids so young?”

Yoongi scowled into his glass. “I’m not the one who’s going to be having them.”

“Look, man. I think its just the alcohol talking—

“I’m not drunk.”

“—but I’m not gonna stop you if you think this is the only way out. Just know that you’re gonna regret it later.”

“Later.”, Yoongi muttered softly. “How I wish it’d be later already.”

Later that night, he dialed Hyungwon.

~•~•~

“Jaehyun was right. I regretted it the second the hangover dissipated. That was one of the worst days of my life, not counting the string of shit shows preceding it. I rushed back to the place as soon as I could. I returned the money, I hadn’t even taken it out of the envelope. They said the sample couldn’t be returned to me, but they’ll make sure it was out of the system.”

“Well, they lied.”, Sejin deadpanned, eyes narrowed as if figuring out a thousand ways around this situation already. 

The rest of the boys, barring Seokjin, stared at Yoongi in awe. They sat around him on the living room couches, while he stood by the window, gazing at the Parisian skyline.

A far cry from the broken pavement, busted in windows and dilapidated buildings, the landscape of his late teens. 

The boys had known the rapper had struggled a lot before joining bighit, but for it to be laid out in so much detail. A new respect for him shone in their eyes. 

When Yoongi turned to face them, he was surprised to see no judgment on their faces, but he shouldn’t have been. 

“So,”, Jin straightened up, clapping his hands. “Let’s lay this down, shall we? Yoongi donated sperm to a shady place in 2011, but returned the money and demanded it not be used. Since this sperm bank was likely illegal in the first place, they didn’t care to actually go through with his request. Then it somehow ended up in the fertility clinic he got the mail from. Which leads us to now, according to the mail, someone is probably pregnant with Yoongi’s child.”

“No, don’t say that.”, Yoongi shook his head, refusing to come to the obvious conclusion. “Don’t even imply it. I don’t have a kid out there but I do want all traces of my sperm out of any kind of bank.”

Namjoon peered at Yoongi with sympathy. “Hyung, they’re saying you’re eligible for another donation. Your previous sample was used already. According to my guesstimates, there’s 50% chance the woman they put it in, is pregnant.”

“Fuck your guesstimates.”

Jeongguk scratched his head. “But it’s been years since Hyung was 18. How is it getting used just now?”

Sejin answered him, not glancing up from his phone. “Google says preserved sperm can be used for upto 20 years after donation.”

Yoongi cursed. 

Jeongguk was still confused, brows scrunched. “How? Won’t the baby be—“

“Don’t say it.”, Yoongi groaned.

“—20 years old then?”

A slap to the back of the youngest’s head sounded. Yoongi didn’t look to see who’d done the public service.

“What are you going to do, hyung?”, Jimin asked worriedly. “You could just let it be. Ignorance is bliss and all.”

Taehyung gasped in outrage. “How can you even suggest such a thing, Jimin? It’s his kid we’re talking about! He could be a parent!”

Yoongi growled. “Don’t say that.”

But Taehyung wasn’t finished with his sermon. “Even if there’s a minuscule chance of this actually being true, it’s his duty to care and provide for his offspring. Even if he or she is unwanted.”

Yoongi gazed at the darkening sky for divine intervention.

“Hold your horses, Taehyung-ah.”, Sejin stood up. “I messaged the magazine studio about a reschedule. The photoshoot will be before the concert tomorrow.”

No one said a word, everyone too preoccupied to be focusing on trifling things like photoshoots.

“As for this problem.”, Sejin continued, giving Yoongi a reassuring look. “Let me handle it. I’ll run a check on the place you mentioned and the fertility clinic. We can’t publicly sue anyone because one, donating to an illegal place would incriminate Yoongi as well and two, we can’t afford to have a word of this get out. But an anonymous tip to the police should do the job.”

“What about...”, Taehyung trailed off, not knowing how to mention the person who might be carrying Yoongi’s child. 

“I’ll pull some strings, find out who it is. First, we need to know if they’re pregnant or not. We’ll go from there.”

Yoongi sighed, nodding. He supposed he could only hope and pray now. 

~•~•~

“I can’t believe it. All your hopes and prayers came true. I’m so happy for you, noona.”

Taeyong gushed as he arranged his Staedtler coloured pencils on your desk, lining them on the upper edge of his sketch book perfectly. The illustrator was obsessive about having all his stationary in perfectly designated places before drawing. 

“It still feels like a dream. When the doctor confirmed it yesterday, I almost passed out.”, you grinned, lovingly flipping through your manuscripts to the scenes you wanted illustrated.

Your friend turned to face you with a pout, his ethereal face glowing from the sunlight streaming through your windows. “You should have taken me with you, noona. I don’t like that you went alone.”

“It’s alright, Ty.”, you addressed him with the nickname he loved so much. On cue, his cheeks flushed adorably. “I was fine, just jittery with excitement.”

Taeyong grinned, mischief in his eyes. His boyish youthfulness struck you and not for the first time you thought about basing a playful character on him. He was a college student, an art major. You hired him because you loved his whimsical sketching style and his watercolour realism. Also, because you didn’t have the money or the patience to get more “professional” artists. From your previous experience, they often turned their noses at any extra input from the author. Taeyong, on the other hand, loved to have you by his side as he set about bringing your characters to life. 

Most importantly, you hired him because he was kind of your muse, though you never let him know that. He teased you enough as it is.

“I will let you off the hook if you declare me his or her godfather.”

And you loved to tease him back.

“You’re 19 years old, you’re a kid yourself, Ty.” You giggled as he flew off into an outraged rant. 

“Noona, I’ve told you a hundred times, I’m not a kid! You’re not that much older than me, I don’t know why you gotta put on motherly airs already. It’s been a day since you found out you’re pregnant. Pump the breaks. And don’t you dare try to experiment your parenting skills on me, I’m warning you—“

The ringing of your phone from your bedside table cut him off. You stretched to reach for it, still guffawing lightly at your friend. 

It was an unknown number. You picked it up. 

“Hello.”

A man’s voice answered you. “Hello, is this __?”

“Speaking.”

“Good afternoon, Miss.__. I’m Park Beomgyu from Tangent Publications. You might have heard of us. We are a graphic novel and manhwa publishing company, but we’re starting to venture into children’s fiction as well. Your work has caught our attention and we’d like to partner up with you for your next project. That is, if you’re interested.”

You stared wide eyed at Taeyong, who was starting to look worried at your dumbstruck expression. 

Work had never come to your doorstep. You’d always had to go chasing for it.

“Miss, are you there?”

“Y-yes! I’m here. And yes, I accept.”

The man chuckled. “Not so fast, Miss. Let’s discuss it first. If you’re free tomorrow morning, can I set up a meeting with our editor at 10 am?”

You spoke before he could properly finish. “Yeah, totally. I’m free. Just let me know the address.”

“I’ll message it. Looking forward to meeting you.”

“Yeah, same here.”, you said lamely as he hung up, your heart beating crazily in your chest.

“Who was it?”, Taeyong questioned, coming to sit beside you.

You launched yourself at him with a squeal.

~•~•~

You weren’t surprised when the address led you to Gangnam’s busiest area, office buildings and corporate suits abound. Though you did feel nervous in your light blue tea-length chequered dress. You didn’t own any suits or even pencil skirts, always feeling a little insecure with figure-hugging attire. 

You had done your research last night, having never heard of Tangent Publications before. Sprawled on your couch with your all-time favourite animation, Finding Nemo playing on your tv in the background, you had set up your laptop on a cushion. Not perching it on your stomach like you usually did, paranoid about harmful rays reaching your baby. 

You were surprised at the search results. As the man on the phone mentioned, they did only publish manhwas and even webtoons, but these were about idols. Their most widely sold comics being about BTS’ concept storylines. 

A little further digging revealed that the company was partially owned by Bighit entertainment and STIC investments, which also had stakes in the entertainment sector. 

What mattered to you was that they were successful, which looking at their net profit, they were and they had good editors, which your searches confirmed.

You were feeling extremely lucky and happy that they chose you for their next venture. At the right time too, the first installment in your new series was almost done. 

The friendly receptionist greeted you with a smile, immediately telling you the right floor when you gave her your name. You checked your appearance in the elevator mirror, making sure there was no food stuck in your teeth or wrinkle in your dress. 

You alighted on the eighth floor, where another lady at the front pointed you to the right door. You knocked at exactly 10 am, feeling satisfied at your timing. 

The heavy oak door opened, startling you. You thought someone would call you in. 

A tall man in glasses smiled at you, opening the door wide. You stepped in as he introduced himself. 

“Good morning,__-ssi. My name is Sejin.”

“Oh, good morning.” Not the editor google mentioned, but of course, there would be others in a big publishing company. “Are you one of the editors?”

Sejin closed the door, motioning you to the seat in front of his desk, answering you only when you both had sat down. “Yeah.”

You smiled. “Thank you so much for offering me this opportunity. I’m so flattered you chose me for your first foray into children’s literature.”

“Your work speaks for you, __-ssi. You’re incredibly talented.”, Sejin praised, leaning forward to set his elbows on the table and interlace his fingers. You interpreted the body language easily, he was all business. 

“We’d like to offer you a 5 book deal. A complete series if you will. You can negotiate for more if you feel like 5 won’t be enough. We will leave the story’s concept, art and every other creative decision to you, except of course the editing and research help you’d require. As well as get you the illustrator of your choice.”

“I already have an illustrator, I’d like to retain him.”, you interjected though everything he said left you reeling. Was this a daydream?

Sejin nodded. “No problem. As a starting point, we’d like to offer you 100 million won per book, negotiable down the line and not including sales profits.”

Your jaw dropped. “Is this a prank?” You turned in your chair, looking for cameras. “Am I being pranked? If so, I don’t appreciate it.”

Sejin gave you a calm smile. “No, ma’am. You are not being pranked. You heard me correctly. 100 million won per book, not including profits.”

You laughed. A disbelieving sound. “I’m sorry but either you don’t know how to do business or you’re really sure these books are gonna sell like hot cakes. And although I do think I’m really good at what I do, children’s literature is no fantasy or science fiction. It doesn’t have a fanbase readership to buoy every new installment that comes out. I have learned this the hard way.”

“You didn’t have us before. With the right marketing, anything can sell well.”, he simply replied, dismissing your concerns. 

“Okay.”, you took a deep breath, a sudden pressure on your shoulders, something nagging at your brain you were too preoccupied to figure out. “I’d like to see the contract first.”

“Sure.” Sejin produced a thick document from the desk drawer, flipping through it as he casually spoke. “You can take it home, mull it over, take your time coming to a decision. You’re pregnant, so I wouldn’t like to keep you here for long.”

You froze, blood leaving your face. 

“What did you say?”, you whispered.

Calmly, Sejin looked up from the papers, briefly glancing behind you before meeting your eyes. He didn’t repeat himself, showing absolutely no reaction.

Goosebumps raised on your arms, your voice fearful as you asked, “How did you know that I’m having a baby?”

“Because it’s mine.”

Jumping out of the chair in fright, you spun around. 

A stunningly attractive and familiar face was leaning against the closed door. You hadn’t even heard anyone come in. 

Glancing back at Sejin, who’d stood up as well, you slowly extricated yourself from the tangle of chair legs, moving to the middle of the room to have direct access to the door, but the newcomer was blocking your exit. 

Sejin approached him, whispering something you couldn’t hear. The man nodded, not breaking the critical gaze with which he regarded you. 

He let Sejin leave, locking the door behind him. 

“Is there a reason why I’m alone in a room with you? I will bring this whole building down with my screams if you don’t unlock that door and step away from it right now!”, you threatened.

He rolled his eyes. “The room’s soundproof.”

“You—”, you paused your scathing diatribe before it had even begun, cogs whirring, memory catching up. “You’re Min Yoongi.”

“Congratulations.”

Bewilderment swamped you. What the hell was going on? “What do you want from me?

“Absolutely nothing.” Yoongi ambled towards you with indolent grace, his eyes never leaving your befuddled ones. “You have something of mine, unwillingly given.”

“I have never even met you before. I don’t even like your music.”

Maybe that add-on wasn’t necessary, but you were feeling caged and on the defensive. 

Yoongi pursed his lips, his censorious gaze roving up and down your form. “Yeah, we don’t make music for the likes of you.”

You bristled. What the heck did that mean? You didn’t want to ask. “Thanks for sparing me. I still don’t see how I could possibly have anything of yours.”

“You’re pregnant and it’s mine.” 

“I’m pregnant, yes, but what’s yours?”

Yoongi scowled. “You’re gonna make me say it, huh?”

“Say what?”

“I’m the father. You’re carrying..”, he seemed reluctant to continue but did, scowl deepening. “..my child.”

You faked a laugh, amused but more concerned for the unhinged man in front of you. “No, I’m not. Maybe you have amnesia or something, this is the first time I’m seeing you in person. Usually, your tetchy self only greets me from magazines and subway ads.”

“Don’t try to sound smart.__. You don’t.”, he parried. “The thing with artificial insemination is that the lonely women who get it, often don’t know who’s baby they’re carrying.”

For the second time, you tensed with trepidation. They had entirely too personal information on you. It didn’t make any sense, none of what he was saying did. “Why do you know that?” 

You glared at him when he smirked.

“Ran a background check on you. Single, 27-year-old, children’s fiction writer, who’s been trying for pregnancy at different clinics for a year now. Bank balance is at an all-time low, the previous publisher isn’t picking up any of your new work. A string of failed relationships behind you because of your desire to have a child so early. Most of the time you hang around some college-aged kid who also does artwork for you, apart from that you don’t have many close friends. You stay at—”

“Shut up!”, you fumed, feeling really violated. The nerve of this man. He didn’t look the slightest bit bothered with his words. “You’re a celebrity, aren’t you? Don’t you guys scream privacy at every unsolicited photo, every personal detail revealed to the public? Your hypocrisy is alarming.”

“I will let you know one thing. Guilt is not an emotion I feel. The two situations aren’t even remotely comparable.” He stepped closer, his all-black attire striking against the white of the room. He looked like an irritated bat who’d been disturbed from his hibernation. 

“Don’t interrupt me.”, he commanded. “I had to know what type of person my sperm had been,” he coughed, gaze drifting away for a second. “..used on.”

“Your...?”, you trailed off, still not connecting the dots. What he was implying was preposterous, it couldn’t possibly be that.

It was exactly that. 

His voice was dispassionate when he explained, his countenance inscrutable, he was a master at masking every emotion. “A sample of my semen which was sent for regular health checkups was misplaced by a lab technician, accidentally labeled for donation to a sperm bank. I got to know about it when your fertility clinic sent me an email.”

You swallowed harshly. “They put it in me?”

Yoongi scrunched his nose. “Unfortunately.”

Did he have to sound so repulsed? You stepped back, only speaking when you’d somewhat processed your predicament. 

You gave him a sympathetic frown. Best to go with understanding, you didn’t want a confrontation. It was a delicate situation which, if you wanted to weasel out of, you’d need some tact. 

“That is unfortunate. I’m sure you must feel very frustrated. But I signed very hefty paperwork, before going in for treatment. And it said that the donor would have no legal right over the child, unless there’s a mutual agreement. I’m sorry but I have no obligation towards you and this is my child only.”

Yoongi’s gaze flickered to the hand you placed on your belly. He bit the inside of his cheek and you had the sneaking suspicion he didn’t give a flying fuck what your obligations were. 

“I’m going to make myself very clear ___. I don’t want your apology. The people responsible for this mess are paying for it, don’t worry. But if you think that I’m gonna roll over politely and let you scamper off with what’s mine, you have another thing coming.”

Your blood boiled and you hurled towards him. He didn’t show any surprise when you poked his hoodie-clad chest angrily.

Fuck tact. 

“I didn’t ask for this, you asshole. I’ve been waiting for this moment my entire fucking life and no dickwipe with a huge ego just because he can spit some words is gonna fuck it up for me.”

Yoongi blinked. “You swear too much for a children’s author, no wonder your sales are tanking.”

“Shut the fuck up!” You dug the pointer finger deeper in his chest. 

He winced, clasping your wrist. “Okay, is this the right time to tell you that I was gonna suggest an abortion in exchange for the book deal?”

Panic swamped you, anger disappearing for a huge dose of terror. You clutched the fabric covering your tummy, a clawing need to run and protect your baby blanketing you. No one was going to take him or her away from you, not when you’d toiled your last penny and pinned your every hope on this baby. 

“Hey.” Suddenly Yoongi crowded you, gently grasping your shoulders. “Hey, breathe please.”

His words made you aware of your lungs screaming for air, short, staccato breaths making you lightheaded.

“Breathe in for me.”, he guided and you obeyed, looking into his worried eyes to ground yourself. “And breathe out. Again. Just like that. You’re alright.”

A hand at your back guided you to the chair you’d previously occupied and you flopped down on it gratefully. Yoongi hunched over you, roving his searching eyes over your face for more signs of panic. 

“I was joking. Partially.”, he bit his bottom lip, and strangely you found the action alluring. “I knew someone who worked so hard to reach this point, wouldn’t even entertain the notion.”

You glowered at him, annoyance dimming for surprise when you noted how close he was, his hands resting on the arms of the chair. He didn’t seem to notice it though.

“It’s very highhanded of you to even think about such a thing. No amount of money can replace a life.”

His eyes softened, the first genuine smile from him peeking through. If you didn’t know how much of an asshole he was, you’d think he was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. 

“You’d be surprised how many people would disagree.”

“I’m sure you would.”

He nodded, having no problem admitting it. “Can you blame me? I’m at the peak of my career right now, this has all the makings of my fall from grace. Besides, I didn’t want children, ever.”

“Didn’t?”, you questioned his use of past tense.

He shrugged, straightening up and letting you relax a little from his heady presence. “You gotta roll with the punches.”

You hadn’t unclasped your hand from your dress, the fabric covering your stomach wrinkling horribly. “What is that supposed to mean?”

You dreaded it, but what he said wasn’t unexpected.

“I want shared custody.”

Never.

“No.” You brought down the hammer.

“Yes.”

“No.”

“I’m not gonna be an absent father, __”

“That’s alright.”, you threw back, absolutely done with this conversation. “You don’t have to be any kind of father.”

Slowly, so gracefully you didn’t even notice it at first, Yoongi hunched back over you, now impossibly closer. You leaned back as far as possible but you could tell two things, that his cologne was expensive and it smelled delicious as fuck. 

“Then who’s gonna be the father?”, he asked quietly. You gulped.

“I- the- I mean no one. Single moms do just fine.” And because he started to move off of you and you were secretly a glutton for punishment, as well as for men who smelled mouth-watering, you added, “My future husband...”

You trailed off at the tick in his jaw.

He raised a brow. “How fucking cute. Too bad your domestic dreams are never coming true,__. What’s mine is mine. No other man is going to be the father of my child. Over my fucking dead body.”

You almost said, “then perish”, but he stood up, grasping your upper arm to help you up as well. He was incredibly gentle with you, a stark contrast to the verbal barbs he inflicted every time he opened his mouth.

For example:

“We’re also going to have to get a DNA test done.”

Before you could implode in his face, he interlocked your fingers with his, tenderly releasing your death grip on your dress. His other hand came up to push a strand of your hair behind your ear and hook your chin up.

You were blindsided. Rage and fluttering heart palpitations a weird combo. 

“Don’t lose a fuse over it now. I think you’ve got enough on your mind already. Go home, sleep it off, we’ll talk when you’re feeling more level headed.”

It really shouldn’t have surprised you that he’d turn this into some sort of reverse psychology “I’m only looking out for you” situation, making you the unreasonable one for feeling, very justifiably, enraged at his imperiousness. 

But you did really want to sleep it off, your newly changing body demanded you recharge from this draining encounter already. You sagged in his arms, letting him support you.

Yoongi smirked at your body’s compliance and you wanted to slap it off. 

“How did you get here? Did you drive?”

You shook your head. “Took the subway, then walked.”

Yoongi peered at the heels on your feet, irritation flaring on his face. “For someone so adamant on having a baby, you’re already putting your health on the line, huh?”

There he fucking goes again. 

“It’s none of your business.”, you said curtly.

He raised a challenging brow. “The baby you’re carrying is my business.”

His high handedness knew no bounds. 

He pulled out his phone. “I’m going to call a driver to take you home.”

“No need.”

“It wasn’t a question.”

You grit your teeth, biting your tongue as he led you to the door. Just a few more seconds in his presence, then TO FREEDOM. 

He opened the door.

And three men tumbled inside on top of each other, the momentum making them fall on the floor in a heap. 

You winced.

“What the fuck?!”, Yoongi growled, his resting death scowl back with a vengeance. “Were you three fuckheads eavesdropping?”

The men immediately stood up, fixing their clothing. The one at the bottom of the heap winced when the one above him used him as support. 

You recognised all of them. His bandmates. Although you weren’t their fan, you were still a little starstruck. The cameras didn’t do their faces justice. You shrunk behind Yoongi, a little intimidated at so much testosterone surrounding you. Prime specimen of the male species too. If you weren’t already pregnant, your ovaries would be tingling with primordial urges. 

Then they all spoke at the same time. 

“You wouldn’t let us come with you!” Taehyung.

“It’s all Taehyung’s doing hyung, we just wanted to make sure he didn’t get in any trouble.” Jeongguk.

“We?! What the fuck, don’t include me in your schemes. You guys dragged me here!” Jimin. 

Yoongi pinched the bridge of his nose and you prepared for another of his already infamous searing rebukes. You wanted popcorn to watch these three guys get thoroughly chastened. 

Taehyung just held up his hand, stopping the elder even before he began. “Calm down, hyung. We’re not here for you.”

Your jaw dropped. He shut Yoongi up with a hand. You wanted to worship at this guy’s shrine. 

Then he peered around Yoongi to look at you, giving you a shy smile. “Hello,__. I’m Taehyung.”

Wow, Yoongi and his bandmates were night and day. This guy reminded you of Winnie The Pooh while Yoongi was Cruella de Vil personified. 

When you didn’t say anything, Taehyung frowned with worry, turning accusing eyes at Yoongi.

“Hyung, you upset her.”

Yes, he did, Pooh.

Yoongi raised an unconcerned brow. “And? Why the fuck are you here again?”

“Would you stop with the swearing, there’s a child in the room.”, Taehyung reprimanded and your worshipful impulses grew. 

Jeongguk scowled.

Jimin nudged him. “Not you, idiot.”

Taehyung came towards you with a placating smile, likely sensing the damage Yoongi had done. “I can drop you home. There’s a really good gelato shop a block from here. If you want we can stop there. Ice cream fixes everything.”

You nodded immediately, letting your guardian angel lead you out of the room with a hand at your back. 

You didn’t spare Yoongi’s disbelieving face another look. 

A/n: Taehyung will make a more proper appearace in the next chapter. Do let me know what you thougt, feeback keeps me writing.

[the-worst-fe-player]

☕ everything about fates and the drama give us an essay king

Lamo thank you to king/queen/royalty

Okay so I'm gonna break this down into segments and header it with a different colour some will he shorter than others. Also sorry if I spell names of county wrong and rember this is just my opinion

Story

Also heads up I played it in this order conquest -> rev -> birthrights I know I should have swapped rev and birthrights but it was really expensive and I was like 14

Fates story is not the best but deffently not as bad as some people said. Overall I'll be honst I liked conquest story but not birthrights which I know most people have the opposite oppion on but like I found conquest to be more fun I enjoyed the idea of sneaking around garons back with your siblings and being powerless at times to stop a lot of the things like the massacre where scarlet dies and ryoma death there where moments I just groaned at the screen but apart from that I had more fun. Birthrights I'll be real the story kind of bored me i only really found certain parts interesting but my favourite moment from fates actually came from birthrights and it was the Xander fight where he killed elise and then let corrin kill him it was tragic and sad and I live for angst ngl. rev story I don't remember to much sorry I mostly fouced on the characters ngl but that sence with the kid turning into the faceless was really cool and also the one with makoto and she fucks with you and the doors but idk if that's classed as story or gameplay but either way that was sick

Gameplay

Fates gameplay was soild as fuck I will die on this hill. The pair up was cool, the skills and classes where sick and the character balancing minor some major problems *cough xander ryoma takumi cough* was pretty cool and corrin is not nearly as broken as Robin or byleth. I like to play conquest the most because I'm a maschoist lol but even though most of revs maps where gimmicks I love them there so iconic, tbh most of fates maps are like I understand most of fates criticism but the maps, apart from rev as not everyone likes gimmicks, I just dont understand

Phoenix mode

Honstly play the game how you want to if that's on normal Phoenix go a head I dont care you play the game how you want to. Like yeah Phoenix mode may take away all the difficulty but casual took away perma death and that's the most played game mode because that's what people want and if people want Phoenix then just let them have it doesn't bother me I will never play it but I dont care if others do.

Corrin

Okay so I actually like corrin and before you look away I will explain why I think their dislikes and why I do like them and think how they could be improved

I think the promblem people have with Corrin is that they dont have enough personilty to be a regular character but they have to much that they can't be an avatar if you know what I mean. Like with Robin they deffently had a personily but they weren't the main character chrom was so it wasn't in your face as much yeah they made some important decisions whitch often did nothing but at the end of the day it lopped back to chrom and this is something corrin cant do everything has to be about corrin as there the main lord. But corrin is kind they dont want to kill common soldiers and that's never really addressed (as far as I can remember) why corrin wont kill like the sibling bit make sense but the common solider whitch could have killed there spouse is just frustrating at times and something not many people feel while playing. Corrin would have worked better if they wasn't a self insert that went against the average players emotions. But yeah I do feel people are to harsh on corrin as well though like with the whole not earning the Yaot witch is like they kind of did though it was the fact that who ever held the yaot would bring the world peace and they did it was there destiny to do so to fight in a war and mabey kill there family but even then I don't see people giving the three houses leaders shit for there wepons and they did less all they did was be born from a group of people that committed genocide! But also many people say nothing bad happens to them but at least in conquest and birthrights corrin suffers, in conquest the blood of what you think are your siblings are on your hands one forced to commit sucide and the other painful possed and then there the amount of murder they just had to watch and then birthrights watching elise die for them and xander pretty much letting corrin kill him and everything else like bruh this shit is sad and is also the reson I pray fe stops using self inserts and goes back to the older ways

Translation

Why! Why! Who thought that was a good idea Xander what did they do to him 🥺 I haven't finshed reading a direct translation of fates yet but its like so much better then the English version if you have the chance to read through it's worth it so much. Also same with three houses it wasn't as bad but like certain scenes are better like the really cringy reponse el had to dimitri on gronder feild actually makes sense and just especially if you like crimson flower as out of all the routs edelgard and cf feels like it got changed the most its just interesting ngl anyway onto fates again

The petting game

I know I would hate it as I already hate the wake the slug a bug up and the "you didn't blow niles hard enough" stuff but it was also optional so like idk i don't really have an oppion

Fan service (camilla)

I like big tits (as long as there not mine lol) as much as the next person who also likes that stuff but even I'll admit It was way to much at times especially the did you miss you big sister part like I enjoy camillas character I'm a sucker for a character with a tragic backstory, loves there family, cares for others a bit to much and could bench press me but the times where she was just fan severse sucked.

Paying for everything sprealty

I hate it:(

Characters

Leo♥️leo♥️leo♥️

Overall I like the majority of characters, here are my top 3 favs girls and boy

Best girls : Charlotte, orochi and Nyx

Best boys: leo, saizo and laslow (idk if he counts if not Forrest)

I always see people being like (x) was wasted in fates i wished they were in a different game but literally 3/4 of the cast have that said about them so like do yall hate the cast or love it :/

My overall oppion

I have mixed oppions over all I do like fates conquest is one of my favourite fe and I hope mabey in twenty years it will get re made with a better translation and some adjustments to corrin and the story

Thank you for the ask sorry this is so long and sorry if it makes no sense

[luvbotclub]

stay — part one: mark lee.

it’s not me, it’s you— you had a change of heart. what kind of change of heart was that and why didn’t feel it? or in which mark doubts himself as an idol, a boyfriend, and a person.

content warning for angst, i’m sorry markzens. 4,867 words.

this can be read as x reader or x oc since i didn’t give mark’s girlfriend a name (this applies to the other parts as well). the other parts may be a little delayed since i’m working on some other fics as well, but i’ll try my best to finish this series! i hope you will enjoy reading this one :D

the sun was shining outside his window. the sunlight seeped through his silk curtains, and for some reason, mark lee didn't feel like sliding them aside and welcoming the april warmth with open arms today, or any other day to be honest. he didn't bother getting up and cooking himself some delicious breakfast, nor did he get up and at least fix his appearance a little bit. he was so disheartened to do anything ever since she left.

but mark has been feeling less like... well, mark nowadays, so there was no question as to why he was acting the way he is. but who could blame him? almost five months has passed and he has made close to no progress with moving on from her. her departure and the demise of them has impacted mark in the worst ways there is to exist.

mark has managed to go out with taeyong and jaehyun for some coffee two days prior to this unfortunate saturday morning without somehow making everyone around him feel burdened by his troubled presence.

mark hated that feeling the most ㅡ the feeling that he’s slowly becoming a burden to the people around him. and perhaps he is, indeed, starting to become a burden to the people around him.

he's tried. he's tried so hard. but it hurts, so so much. the feeling of her warm embrace and the sound of her laugh and the way she smiles are all fucking imprinted in his mind. there was no escape from her torturous murder. the poison she uses is cutting into his skin… slowly, leaving a trail of rotten memories behind.

maybe if she hadn't left him so harshly, mark would've dealt with her farewell a lot better than he is doing right now. maybe, just maybe, if she hadn't been so cruel enough to just tell him straight in the face that it's not me, it's you, you had a change of heart; mark would've forgiven himself faster. his chest would have been filled with something other than guilt and confusion to what he's done wrong, why did she leave, who made her leave, what kind of fucking change of heart was that and why in fuck's name didn't he feel it.

mark has tried to spend more time with her. he really did try, but success came for his group faster than nct and sm entertainment had expected, and he trained longer in the practice room for six days per week for their tour and comeback to make a bigger impact than before. but, in the end, when he's back in their shared apartment, it feels like everything he did wasn't enough. the awards he won, the effort he put into dancing, each lyric he sings out every blurred, sweaty night just for millions to hear. they weren't enough to make her smile reach her eyes. they weren't enough to make her satisfied with him.

they weren't enough for her to stay.

sometimes, mark would think. maybe he's really the one to the blame. maybe he should have just taken more breaks and spent more time with her ― cook lunch with her, cuddle with her on the couch, give her massages while she ranted and ranted about the rude customers at her workplace, the marais. maybe, instead of sweating and singing his heart out, he could have stayed home. maybe he should have been a better boyfriend. maybe he wasn't good enough.

for the past few days, mark's mind has been filled with maybe's and what if's and i'm never going to be good enough's. it was strange. he felt all this remorse ― he even blamed himself because he was doing what he had been wanting to do for a long time ― and all this confusion because of a girl who has sent his friends snapchats of her playing just dance with her workmates a day after she said goodbye, because of a girl who left him on a living room floor with a heart that fell into pieces and the echoes of his pleas for her to please stay with me in each corner of the room ㅡ haunting him, crawling to his skin like the remnants of a bad dream.

it was selfish for mark to think, nor to say aloud, but a despicable part of him wished she felt somewhat guilty for leaving him behind in the dust like this ㅡ or even be concerned about his well being. but no. she left in the first place without a care �� why would she care about whatever’s happening in mark’s mind, now that she has a great life without an idol boyfriend who's always dragging her down?

but today. today. it felt like the day to start living his life again, to live like mark lee who could make people smile just by the sound of his laugh alone. he's disappeared for exactly two weeks from television appearances, family dinners, and friendly get-togethers ㅡ even company parties, he couldn't attend. he was in the stage of denial in the first week, like he was mourning over a death of a loved one. fans have left comments, questions as to why he disappeared all of a sudden all over nct’s twitter and instagram pages and they’ve started to worry whether mark was doing okay or not. his family grew concerned for his well-being, so did his fellow members. they sent him food with stupid little hearts taped to the lunchbox (taeil once sent him naengmyun, along with a paper heart with a classy dad joke and his well wishes scribbled on it). they sent him encouraging messages almost everyday ― the fans, his family, his fellow members. they're all there for him, because they knew that mark isn't okay.

mark decided to get up from his bed an hour after he finished the piece of toast and cup of coffee he both made in a haste. he didn’t even bother putting anything along with the toast, and it was burnt. everyday, his breakfast gets worse. but he needed to put something in his stomach ― he's not going to be in this state forever and he still needed to take care of himself.

mark's grip on the plate was tight, knuckles white as he rested the ceramic plate on the sink. he turned his head after washing his hands and saw the shoe and coat rack by the front door. it was strange to see her newly bought pair of nikes and her ivory coat gone from the racks ― they were her least favoured articles of clothing. maybe she could have left them with him, so he could have something that reminds him of her presence.

but, no. that's way too cruel, isn't it? she did mark a favour of not leaving a single trace of her behind, even as little as a speck of dust from her belongings or a smear of her red lipstick on his favourite white mug. she knew she was practically death itself to him ― her name a lethal spoken curse, her scent a guilty pleasure, her voice a melody so deadly. to love her will be a death wish, but he feels and loves her without a single trace of fear that it'd harm him one day. he loves her. every inch, every night spent watching stupid random shows in the tv, every kiss, every parent joke they've cracked together. he misses them. he misses her. and sometimes he didn't even care if it were his fault or hers ― because either way, she'll still leave an empty shell in his chest, a shell that longed to be filled with her love again.

mark lee never thought it was possible for his heart to ache for someone so much.

he closed his eyes and breathed out a heavy sigh, wanting nothing more than to scream out his frustrations and drink some good fucking coffee right now. but the coffee maker was broken, and mark didn't feel like going out to town and buying a new one. it might sound like it was a stupid reason and he knew perfectly well of the fact, but he doesn't want everyone to see him like this... whatever he is right now.

is he even human at this point? he feels like someone ripped half of his body and soul and he just feels the opposite of the caring mark everybody adored. he feels like he doesn't even have a heart beating right now as his eyes are closed to the darkness — just an empty chest and an empty head.

mark wants to be somewhere else other than this damn apartment. it was way too depressing and he finally got sick of being burdened by it all — it was way too exhausting to be so burdened all the time, to have your head weighed down by thoughts of what could have happened. maybe he can go to a clear field with a nice, baby blue sky, or the coffee house in town where soft jazz played. he didn’t even like jazz. maybe anywhere, just to get away from this place. even the recording studio sounded inviting right now.

the roar of mark's ringtone ripped through the silent room, and it took him a few seconds to recover from the small jumpscare he got before he grabbed his phone that was in his sweatshirt pocket. mental note: put your phone in silent mode next time.

it was a text from jeno.

[jeno]: hi hyung. you up for coffee later with jaemin later? XD

mark suppressed the urge to roll his eyes at the emoticon. jeno could be really ridiculous (and cringy) sometimes, yet he couldn’t ignore the letters that were practically glowing at his eyes, screaming for his reply to be fuck yes i am up for this, but as mark was somewhat in mid reply (and it was an awfully nonchalant yeah, sure with no stupid emoji to support his message), his fingers stopped typing.

would it be worth it, though? he doesn't even have the mental energy to go out and buy his own food, let alone go out for coffee (even though he's succeeded once...). a small part of him felt bad for jeno. all the boy wanted was to drink coffee with his members, but mark's fucking sadness is stopping him. it's not even jeno's fault mark turned out like this these past few weeks.

after a few seconds of contemplating, mark continued typing his message, feeling a little afraid of making jeno think he was uninterested.

[me]: yeah, sure. 😃 can you pick me up?

he tapped the send button, instantly regretting that he added the smiling emoji at the end (because now he sounds so enthusiastic to go, even if a part of him really did) and the fact that he just asked his friend to do him yet another favour. mark felt bad for jeno, he really did, but he didn't even know where the coffee shop was, and, knowing mark, he gets lost sometimes because the boy had no sense of direction whatsoever. jeno's response came a few seconds after, which amazed mark for a bit since jeno was never the fastest replier.

[jeno]: geez, hyung 😒

[jeno]: i'll be there around 1, jaem had to run some errands so he’ll be a lil late. see you later!!!

feeling relieved jeno didn't pry any more into the subject, mark locked his phone and put in his sweatshirt pocket. he felt more fresh, somehow, he felt like his steps won't be heavy and that his life will actually improve today. like an imaginary weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. maybe he should treat jeno and jaemin with lunch one day, if the day went well.

after a few hours of sitting in the sofa and listening to a bunch of songs taeyong has sent him over the past few days, mark went to take a nice, warm shower and changed into his “outside” clothes (...which were the same as his stay-in clothes) and waited for jeno and jaemin outside his locked home, foot tapping on the pavement out of habit.

as promised through his text, jeno arrived at mark's place at the same time when the clock in mark's phone read 1:00 pm. mark felt like grabbing jeno and giving him the biggest hug he's ever given to another member once he jumped off of the black van he arrived in ㅡ the boy's done so much for him ㅡ sending lunchboxes, agreeing to meet up with him in 3am nights where mark couldn't sleep at all, and, now, agreeing to pick mark up right on time even if he probably had million of things going through his mind right now, with nct dream's comeback slowly approaching them.

“hey, hyung,” greeted jeno, brown hair swept to the side messily. after a very long time, there was a genuine smile on mark's lips ㅡ he was happy to see a familiar face in the midst of this chaos. “you ready to go?”

mark gave the younger man a nod, and pocketed his phone in his pants.

a few minutes of catching up led them to full time story-telling, which is totally typical of the parent-like pair of friends. mark was smiling the whole time, because, again, he was with a familiar face and he hadn't been able to speak his mind to another person for a few days, constantly insecure of what others would think of him and his thoughts.

they were overcome with surprise when the driver pulled up on the pavement since they were too caught up in their conversation to pay attention to their surroundings, signalling that they've arrived in the said café. it seemed like the other cafés he's visited before. it had treats and specials lined up by the baby blue tinted window, ranging from strawberry cream puffs to the manager's favourite mushroom pizza. mark looked at the café’s exterior in astonishment and glanced back at jeno. jeno had good taste.

mark looked at the café one more time. he still had a few moments before they went inside; jeno was taking too damn well to adjust his facemask. it was perfect ㅡ black tables at the patio with white chairs as a contrast, fancy little plants lined up just by the café's entrance.

it was all fun until his eyes darted over to the shop's logo, etched in a fancy script font and a mighty golden colour. the light in mark's eyes faltered and the smile plastered on his face dropped in desultory, as the letters made his throat go dry.

the marais.

singing is a stupid thing now. he doesn't feel like singing a bunch of twisted words just for millions to hear. no. he doesn't feel like doing anything. getting scolded at for not singing a note properly is getting tiresome. constantly redoing certain parts because the producer didn’t like it is getting tiresome. thinking of her at any given opportunity is getting tiresome. doing this, whatever it is... it's tiresome.

“i hope you’re happy today,” came the soft muse of donghyuck through his headset. it was strange that mark felt something strong snap in his chest just because of these words. they were going through the songs in the album and mark didn’t know why he was even required to be here for that — he wasn’t even in make your day.

when he heard his dongsaeng’s verse, he felt like crying again. he’s gotten so bad — this was just all so fucking tiring. all he can think about is the way she looked that day in the café, stunned to see the two tall idols in her sight and soon seeing jaemin rush into the shop without much care if he was causing a ruckus or not. she didn’t think that she would see him ever again, thinking that she’s ran away from all of that, the exhausting world of mark lee and being constantly shoved to the side.

“i'm ― i'm sorry," his voice is weak. the words were strained coming out of his throat. he couldn't breathe, but he had to do this. “i can’t do this. not today, no.”

am i really doing this?

mark's heart skipped a beat. yes.

he removed his headset quickly, the song cutting off just as jaehyun’s part began. mark grabbed his cap and mask from the table and put them on. he felt no feeling of hesitation or remorse from his actions as he stared at the producer and members, all staring back at him and obviously stunned. mark shook his head and turned his back on them, ignoring donghyuck’s tired and annoyed stare burning at the back of his head. he really tried to be okay for one day, but he can't do that. the closure she gave wasn't enough — well, was there ever any closure in the first place? he had to give his own closure, or else he'll explode from all these feelings burning his insides with guilt that he didn't even have to feel in the first place if he just became a better boyfriend, a better person.

“mark, come back here,” taeyong’s tired drawl came, echoing through the halls. mark stopped walking but didn’t face his hyung. “you’re really going to skip a recording just for a girl who doesn’t even want to see you anymore?”

taeyong’s words stung, but mark swallowed and gave a firm, “yes.”

as he walked down the hallways and ignoring the incredulous burning stares of the crew, wondering why the hell he was out in the hall instead of being in the recording studio like his schedule declared so, mark thought of all the things he'll say. they need to make sense or else skipping a recording session will all be for nothing and the scolding from taeyong would make him feel even guiltier for the rest of his entire life. i love you, you heartless prick. no. that's way too blunt. i love you, and i don’t need you to say the same thing. i just want you to say goodbye one last time.

that’s all mark ever wanted.

that’s all mark ever needed.

he called a taxi and immediately got in, telling the driver his destination which was the marais. a frown was evident on the young idol's face as his phone vibrated text message after text message, all either from taeyong or taeil telling him he has the next two hours to get his ass back to the studio or else they were telling the ceo about it. it was tiring. he was debating whether to ignore them or reason it out like the adult he was, because he was feeling annoyed at their lack of understanding and at the same time he just wanted to be mature with them.

both of mark’s options sounded too far out of his reach when the taxi driver suddenly stopped his car and told him they were already at his destination, and he was forced to lock his phone instead, ignoring the constant vibration of the device.

he started shaking as he gave the driver money, and his hands became sweaty when he exited out of the car and slammed the door shut. mark walked over to the café with a heavy heart, his legs wanting nothing more than to retreat to the studio and spare his ego the embarrassment, but he was here now. there was no point in turning back. he’d embarrass himself anyways if he came back to the studio, he could practically hear donghyuck cheekily saying “i told you so” and the small knowing smirk on the younger’s face. mark shuddered at the thought.

as he went through the door of the shop, he instantly got a whiff of the strong coffee they were brewing — their bestseller and the same coffee she used to bring home for mark to drink. the boy only swallowed the fear in his throat and shook the memories off.

he walked up to the counter, legs still shaky as the employee working the cashier looked at him with a bright smile, “um, hi. i’m looking for someone who works here? is—”

“mark?”

mark looked up at the sudden voice, his words cut off halfway. if his heart was already beating fast even before he'd seen her, mark was pretty sure it’d jump right out of his chest as he made eye contact with the woman who got him into this predicament in the first place. he exhaled heavily and bowed his head to the employee behind the cashier, apologizing for the interruption before walking over to her who was standing just by the kitchen door and dressed in the white coat she hated so much. the sight made mark want to go home for some reason.

“what are you doing here?” she laughed nervously as he came closer. “aren’t you busy? i heard you guys are having a comeback?”

mark shook his head, ignoring the urge inside of him to tell her i skipped a recording for you. he knew it wouldn't matter to her anyways. “i’m not busy at all. i just want to talk to you about something. is that okay?”

she nodded yet the look in her eyes clearly said she really didn’t want anything to do with him at all. “sure, do you want to step out for a bit?”

mark only noticed the stares of the customers at the pair of them when she glanced around the room, and he immediately nodded. the last thing he needed was for someone to recognize him and spread rumours (even though he knew that was practically unavoidable at this point—people were already starting to point). she took hold of his hand and led him out of the coffee shop, ignoring the incredulous whispers of everyone.

once they were outside, mark was the first to pull his hand away from her grasp in such a haste. he almost apologized when he saw the brief shock emerge in her face at the brash action, but at this point, he didn’t have time for games anymore — figuratively and quite literally, since he only had an hour left before taeyong and taeil will call the ceo on him.

“so what is it that you want to talk about?”

“i wanted to talk about us,” mark exhaled, finally feeling a weight being lifted off of his shoulders. he saw her face contort a little, obviously displeased at the topic. “i just — you gave your closure. but i didn’t.”

“mark, it’s been months,” she laughed, the sound coming out as breathless. “you still haven’t moved on?”

“how could i do that?” mark started laughing too, albeit humorlessly. he ignored the pang in his chest as he realized that she found the entire situation funny. “everything i see, everyone i talk to. everything reminds me of you. i can’t even do anything right, i can’t even live normally anymore, because i keep thinking, why? why did she break up with me? was i a bad boyfriend?”

“mark— no,” the smile on her face dropped. “you weren’t a bad boyfriend. i just—”

“then why did you tell me i had a change of heart?!” mark was enraged. he didn’t want to be angry. he didn’t mean to raise his voice like that. he didn’t mean to let his tears cascade down his cheeks. he probably looked so pathetic right now, practically seething at the image of himself, tears falling and eyes pleading for an answer, for anything. “i didn’t. i didn’t have a change of heart. if i did then i would have been the one who ended things. if i was such a good boyfriend, then why did you leave me? right when i needed you most?”

mark didn’t even let her open her mouth before he spoke up again, the pain in his voice raw. “i tried so hard. i’ve always tried so hard but you made me feel like i didn’t. i’ve always protected you from everything and everyone. i’ve always defended you. you made me feel like everything i’ve ever done, for myself, for you ­— they weren’t enough for you. i always thought that maybe i wasn’t good enough to make you stay. i guess i was right, wasn’t i?”

“i was scared,” she answered calmly. “i fell out of love with you and i didn’t want to admit that. it was my fault. all of it. i only said that so i wouldn’t feel terrible about leaving you but i didn’t realize it was too harsh of me to say that right away. i’m sorry, mark, for everything. please stop blaming yourself.”

mark only nodded, wiping at the tears that were on his cheeks and blinking away the ones that threatened to fall. he got what he wanted. he got the truth. he gave his closure. so why did it still hurt? why did it still pain him to see her, looking at him like he was the saddest, most pathetic person to ever exist? the pitiful stare she was giving him made mark feel so sick in the stomach that he had to look away so that the feeling won’t resurface.

“just know,” mark breathed out shakily, fingers trembling and aching to brush the stray hair that fell on her face aside. he bit the inside of his cheek to stop the urge until he tasted blood. “i still love you and i don’t think that will ever change. even if you hurt me. even if you broke my heart so bad to the point that i didn’t know if i’ll be fine by the end of it all. you became a part of my life no matter how bad it got in the end.”

“i love you too, mark,” she smiled warmly and mark knew she was lying straight to his face right now. but he didn’t care. it felt good, strange almost, to hear those words tumble out of her lips again. “i don’t want to leave you like this but i have to go now. i made some plans with a friend. maybe we can hang out together soon? i can call you?”

“it’s okay,” mark shook his head. “i’ll be busy anyways. enjoy your day. thank you for everything.”

he was pretty sure his friends had already deleted her number from his contacts (it was either johnny or donghyuck who did it). after this, he was going to back to the studio and suffer the consequences of his actions, he’d have to put up with the hyung line staring at him with disappointed glints in their eyes during the entirety of the car ride back home and donghyuck bombarding him with questions about what happened once the younger boy has cornered him somewhere in the dorm. but he wasn’t bothered or even annoyed that he’d be experiencing these things soon.

mark was about to turn away and find a taxi when a tall man approached them, his long arms soon snaking around her shoulder and pulling her into an embrace. mark was quite surprised but shook his head — he was going to stop caring about her from now on. whatever business this man had to do with her, he didn’t care.

“who’s this, babe?” the nickname caught mark off guard.

“hyunwoo,” she mumbled under her breath, obviously uncomfortable at the current situation. “this is mark. remember? i told you about him.”

“oh, the idol?” ‘hyunwoo’ turned his head to mark and the shorter boy nodded. “nice to meet you! i heard you’re quite acquainted with my girlfriend here. she told me a lot about you.”

“oh, girlfriend?” mark was surprised at the cool tone of his question. “well, yeah. i used to be quite close with her.”

“we’re not dating or anything,” she tried to laugh off, but the nervous glint in her eyes screamed otherwise. “i’m just friends with hyunwoo. it’s like what it looks like, mark—”

“it’s okay,” mark smiled warmly, looking at her then back at hyunwoo. “i don’t care who you date. it’s not like you owe me an explanation of any sort.”

“i—yeah, of course,” she mumbled to herself, looking down at the ground before looking back up at mark. “it was nice talking to you. we’ll get going now. keep in touch, okay?”

mark nodded and the warm smile on his face didn’t falter even for a second. after the two had walked away, mark stayed in the same spot. he didn’t miss the way the two shared a short kiss before hyunwoo opened the car door for her and helped her inside before hopping in the driver’s seat and driving away. once they were gone, mark’s phone began ringing, calls from taeyong flooding his missed calls.

mark only smiled to himself, pressing the call button on taeyong’s number while his eyes were still fixated on the spot where hyunwoo’s car was previously parked.

i’ll forget about you, someday.

[the-busy-ghost]

TSP S02E08 - Peace (At Last)

It’s the last episode of this strange show and tbh it’s a bit sad, because you know, I think I had fun. You have to give the actors credit for genuinely creating some moving scenes, and I will miss some of the dresses the costume department served up. On the other hand, the show was bizarre and nonsensical but that in itself was genuinely entertaining, and also I think that this was a piece of media which really lent itself to being pulled apart- it can be quite educational to analyse some of the balls to the wall nonsense in period dramas, and sometimes they really can offer new lines of enquiry that people wouldn’t otherwise think about. But yeah. Cast and crew must have had a good time making it and in some areas, the acting shone through, where it was allowed to. If anything half the reason this show was disappointing is because it had every opportunity to be much better. 

That being said, onto my rant for the week. 

- We start off with some sadly wooden Shakespearean-play-being-performed-live-on-stage line delivery which wasn’t really suited to television or this show’s established aesthetic. There were quite a few other places in the script this episode where characters said things in a rather cringy way that would have been much better on stage, or not said at all. Maybe it’s the writers, who knows. Bit disappointing though.

- I have to ask, why is Margaret Pole just letting Mary stand outside the door in her nightgown listening to all this? That’s rather negligent guardianship? Terribly contrived, 0 marks.

- Katherine and Mary’s scene in the chapel was sort of nice, pity we didn’t see  more of this kind of moment.

- AND we are back in “Scotland” (haha, right), and apparently we are picking up exactly where we left off in the last episode, with Margaret returning loaded with some trinkets from the English treasury. Presents for everybody. 

- First thought why the hell is this castle ruined. Did nobody tell Frost and Graham that all those ruins in the pictures of Scotland weren’t originally like that? Also I have no idea where Margaret is meant to be here. At first I thought maybe they’ll show a Fake Tantallon but her following lines indicate that she’s managed to get to the west land somehow? Very confused. 

- Who the fuck are the ‘men of Arran and Hamilton’. That is not how ANY of this works. I think what the scriptwriters mean is that Margaret has gone to the Earl of Arran and his retainers? But that’s not in the least how they should be referred to, it’s a deeply misleading line and doesn’t really mean anything. Also confirms btw that James IV’s kids were absolutely just set-dressing, since they had an opportunity for Moray at least to show up in 1524, but it seems that they have no relevance to the plot whatsoever so I have no idea why they were onscreen so much.

- “With English gold”- WOW ok, Margaret you really need to explain how you got that because otherwise it just looks like you’re acting on behalf of Henry VIII. Also did nobody consult their ‘Collected Works of Robert Burns’ before writing that line. But ‘assured’ Scots are a complex concept that I definitely didn’t expect the writers of TSP to understand anyway (and really more a feature of Mary I’s minority not James V’s).

- Anyway sorry Frost & Graham if there was any reasonable explanation for the ruined castle, the barbaric Scots stereotype, and the ‘English gold’ in this scene, I’m afraid I found it difficult to hear over the sound of your raging political agenda

- Also they’ve gone with a rather confusing motivation shift for Margaret here. Certainly, in 1523-4, Margaret was trying to discreetly recover control over the Scottish government while at the same time keeping Albany on side, but she couldn’t just march in there with the Earl of Arran and his pals and take it back. Her letters from this period (to Englishmen though, so maybe suspect) indicate that she was hoping that, while Albany was out of the country, the Scottish political community would get fed up with him jetsetting off to France all the time, decide that he had forfeited his rights to the regency, and support her aim of having James V declared an adult monarch in his own right (the ‘taking furth’ of the king). 

But in the context of this tv show, where nobody has indicated that Albany’s support is wavering at all, and where they have declared for the last few episodes that Margaret’s big problem is Angus (who, btw, from 1521 until early 1524 seems to have been sitting in a prison in France thanks to Albany) and that Albany is her ally, it is a very confusing character shift. Unfortunately it shows more clearly than ever that they really did not have enough space in their allotted ‘ten minutes of Fake Scotland per episode’ to cover the complexities of Scottish politics and indeed the enigma that is Margaret Tudor.

- That being said *now* I understand why they keep referring to James as the ‘heir’ to Scotland instead of the king. They’ve mixed up the ‘taking furth’ of the king which was supposed to bring the regency to an end, with an actual coronation and declaration that he was king. Once again, these are not the same thing. James was crowned within a fortnight of Flodden on 21st September 1513, in the chapel of Stirling Castle, with the support of all the leaders of the political community who mattered. In November 1524, by contrast, he was theoretically declared an adult ruler, which meant that his regents could be dismissed (and it helped that Albany, who had not returned from France by the date he said he would, had technically forfeited his rights). And if James happened to take his mother Margaret Tudor as chief counsellor on his ‘secret council’ well that was just his royal prerogative, done with the support of the political community as recognised in parliament.

- But still, contemporary rumours about Albany’s shady intentions aside, *to the best of my knowledge* nobody openly/directly challenged James V’s right to the Crown either in 1513 or 1524. James was the king from 1513, and any ensuing squabbles centred more around who should have responsibility for his upbringing and safety, not his rights to the throne.

- See what I mean about a two minute, ridiculously inaccurate scene being educational though? I could discuss the implications this nonsense would have had for sixteenth century Scottish politics for DAYS and when I go back to check my references for this rant, I learn even more. So like well done to TSP in that regard I guess. Maybe all historical tv shows should be horrendously inaccurate, and then they should do a behind the scenes series alongside it where they get actual historians (not like me) to go nuts and rant about the real history.

- Huge LOL at Mary in the next scene saying that Henry VIII supports Margaret’s annulment from Angus by the way. Not like, historically, Angus has just escaped France and arrived in London or anything. I imagine their conversation would have gone something like this:

Henry: Ah Mary, good to see you. You will be happy to know that I have had a change of heart and I support our sister’s annulment from Anguish, so you can write to Meg and tell her not to worry about him.

Mary: Oh that’s good to hear, I was always rooting for her, I- what’s that behind your back. 

Henry: What? Nothing.

Mary: Looks like the earl of Angus.

Henry: What? Er no, it’s er it’s just my Fake Beard. Lots of people get them mixed up.

Mary: Riiight. And you haven’t got a Scottish earl behind your back?

Henry: Not at all! Why would I have our brother-in-law behind my back? I hate that guy. Isn’t he in France anyway? Now would you go and get Wolsey I need to speak to him about, er... my beard. Yes my beard. It’s definitely not about a letter to Lord Dacre or anything.

Mary: Ok, absolutely believable, I will see myself out.

- Ok I’m getting carried away and actually, this rant is getting very long again even thought we’re only a few scenes in, so maybe I will split it into two parts so as not to clog up people’s dashboards. BRB.

[sanababes]

Requested by: anon

Mine

Pairings: fem!reader x Choi Sooyoung / Joy

Warnings: nothing much, just some (not really) mafia au scenario

/ it's my first writing about this so yeah, please bear with it and I couldn't really stick to the plot hehe /

-----------

Park Sooyoung, the youngest underground mafia boss in Seoul had been keeping her eyes on a one specific woman. But due to the conflicts in her schedule, she couldn't have time to arrange a proper meeting with you, Kang Y/n. She also has a small knowledge about you that makes her more excited to meet you personally.

Meanwhile, you're the daughter of Kang Seungwoo (just a random name lol) who is one of the prestigious individuals when it comes to political status. The Kang family haven't been involved in unnecessary rumors or news, in other words they are strict and timid with their actions. You really didn't care about it and you despise people who show their interest on you for their own sake or for money.

Your cold and ignorant attitude had been your own bestfriend when interacting with people which you hate the most. When your family is invited in an event, you would keep a reserved aura. Luckily, your cousin Hyewon is there to accompany you for the whole time.

Today is a rather interesting day since it's your 21st year of living in this unwholesome world.

You were awoken by Miss Choi, your beloved nanny since you came out of your mother's womb. The older tapped your shoulder gently that made you slur inaudible sounds.

"Goodmorning, young master. It's already 1 o'clock in the afternoon. Your father is expecting you in the dining room as fast as possible"

(Bruh does that even make sense lol, morning then noon i-)

After a few seconds of adjusting your sight into the bright lighting, you opened your eyes then brushed your hand through your ruffled hair. Miss Choi prepared a warm bath for you to freshen up and start your special day. You got up up from your bed slowly then entered the bathroom sluggishly. You removed the pieces of clothing on your body then dipped yourself into the water. A sigh escaped from your lips as you closed your eyes from the tranquilizing feeling sipping through your skin.

It took you roughly 20 minutes to get yourself dry and dressed up casually. You strutted gracefully downstairs and saw your parents chatting as they ate lunch peacefully.

"Hi darling, happy birthday to you!" Your mother hugged you tightly then gave a kiss on your cheek.

"Thanks mom" you smiled lightly.

"Happy birthday, Y/n" your father greeted.

You thanked him then joined them for lunch. They talked about business things and you would occasionally answer their questions, stuffs like that.

When you're all done, they left immediately for a quick meeting at the city hall with 2 bodyguards guiding them to a black Mercedes.

You looked around your spacious living room and decided to call your bestfriend Yujin to come over. The latter agreed quickly and was on the way already.

You sat comfortably against the classy couch and waited for Yujin to arrive. You fished out your phone then scrolled through Insta then you saw Sooyoung's recent post.

"Hmm, she's cute..." you mumbled nonchalantly.

"Who's cute, Y/n/n?"

You flinched and almost fell when you saw Yujin peeking behind your shoulder.

"Bitch! When did you even got here?" You asked.

"I just came in a minute ago. Miss Choi had let me in" the latter smiled cheekily.

"You almost gave me a heart attack..." you grumbled while putting your hand over your chest.

"I'm sorry, so who's cute?" Yujin sat beside you and waited for your answer.

"Uhh, no one" you managed to say.

The girl looked at you suspiciously then glanced at your phone.

"Ahh I see, so Park Sooyoung aka Joy is your type now huh?" She teased while nudging your shoulder.

A blush crept into your cheeks as you tried to deny what your bestfriend said.

"What? I don't know what you're talking about" you pressed the home button of your phone nervously.

"Yeah yeah, don't worry I won't tell anyone"

Yujin looked at you, trying not to laugh at your priceless reaction. You just shook your head and grabbed the remote of the TV.

"Oh! Happy birthday you jerk" she added.

"Yeah, I thought you wouldn't remember" you said sarcastically.

"Oh come on, how can I forget my baby's bday" she pinched your cheeks while making some cringy noise.

You whined and tried to pry her hands off.

"Yah! if you don't put your hands down imma kill you" you threatened.

"Fine, fine. So why did you called me over? Your party will not start until the sun sets though"

'Oh right, the party yey...'

"Ughh, I dont want to goooo" you complained like child.

"Duh of course you need to go, it's your own celebration for fuck sake" Yujin stated with an 'as a matter of fact' tone.

Your parents prepared a party for your special day. Many influential people are invited and Sooyoung was one of them. You had seen her before from fashion events that was held by her own company.

She was pretty popular and has been known as an independent woman. You also by the way, is interested to know her more which is quite rare.

"What are you going to wear Y/n?" Yujin suddenly asked.

"Uh just some suit that I bought recently"

You weren't a fan of girly stuffs so yeah, you're wearing suits frequently.

"Hmm, what should I wear then?" The latter said while scratching her not so itchy chin.

"Just say that you want to borrow my clothes again" you chuckled as you smacked Yujin's head playfully.

"Oh man, how did you know?"

You just snickered at her antics .

"I know you so well Yujin-ah" the latter started to pout like a child.

"Shall we get ready early instead? I'm bored" you yawned wearily.

Yujin agreed as you both walked upstairs towards your room.

---- time skip ----

You're currently sipping a vintage Vinfolio wine as Hyewon and Yujin kept blabbering between you. Your parents in the other hand, are talking with some acquaintance from what you can see in your peripheral vision.

Meanwhile, Sooyoung has been glancing at you from time to time with some of her 'secretly' mafia members chatting beside her. The gorgeous woman decided to muster up her courage and strutted towards your table. You noticed her in a short red-sparkled dress which hugged her toned body perfectly. She had confident smile on her lips, determined to make you fall for her.

"Good evening Y/n-ssi, I've been wanting to meet you for a long time" Sooyoung greeted and lend her hand out for a hand shake.

"It goes the same for me, Joy-ssi" you showed your signature smile and held her hand gently.

"Wanna talk somewhere else? It's pretty crowded in here..." the latter suggested as you shared a meaningful look with Hyewon and Yujin which they understood quickly.

"Yeah, sure" you nodded and guided Sooyoung to the nearest balcony within the ginormous event hall.

"So I heard you're planning to collab with the Kim's corporation next month"

"Hmm, we're still discussing about the terms of the company so it's not sure yet" you answered politely.

"I didn't know that Sangwoo is your father" Sooyoung stated while staring at your side profile.

You looked out into the distance and agreed timidly. The latter bit her lips then went closer to you.

"You know what, can we hangout sometimes when you're free?"

You chuckled lightly while swirling your wine glass in a circular motion.

"Are you trying to hit on me Miss Park?" Sooyoung smirked while dragging along your shoulder.

"I mean who wouldn't with someone attractive like you?" She flirted casually.

"Fine, meet me on Friday at Han River park. 6pm sharp Missy" you said while glancing at her.

Sooyoung smiled victoriously and kissed your cheek.

"I'll make you mine soon Y/n, mine..."

~the end~

I didn't sticked to prompt too much, sarry

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #265

“all is fair in love and war, i’m still rotten to the core.”

What's the latest youtube channel you've discovered and binge-watched? Ha, a WoW channel that basically gives advice and tutorials on stuff. She doesn't have many videos, but she's pretty successful already and chill as hell. Kraken Latte. Does it snow where you live? Occasionally. Very rarely does the snow stick, though, because the ground will be too warm. Do you think your hair looks better long or short? Short. Do you look best with or without bangs? Bitch I loved my emo bangs fuck off. Well, they weren't technically bangs, my hair was just parted far to the left. Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? Well, my phone doesn't have GREAT camera quality, but I usually do some subtle edits if I take a pic on it. What's your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Pokemon GO REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Which season do you wish would last longer? Shit man, fall. At least here, the phase of colorful leaves is VERY short. Goes from green to totally bare in what feels like just a couple weeks. How many outdoor birthday parties have you had? Hell if I know. How much taller or shorter are you than your mom? We're the same height. Who is your favorite sibling? Lol wow that's mean. Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah. Do you like sushi? I've actually never tried it, but I'm quite certain I wouldn't like it. Have you ever tried seaweed? Actually yes, I believe in the 4th grade? We had I think authentic Japanese (or Chinese, idr) food, and I recall there being seaweed. I didn't like it. The only thing I liked was the white rice, I think. Do you have an actual pig-shaped piggy bank? No, but I think I may have as a kiddo. Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? No. Have you ever been to a gynecologist? I actually haven't because I've always said I wasn't sexually active (back then it wasn't a conscious lie, I just genuinely didn't realize what we were doing was just shallow sex). I'm absolutely terrified to go anyway because I'm just very very very private about this sort of thing and honestly think I'll have a panic attack when I do have to for the first time anyway. Name three games that you are good at. Shadow of the Colossus, Silent Hill, World of Warcraft. What was your favorite board game as a kid? Ha ha, somehow, it was this shopping game called "Mall Madness." Veeeery unfitting of who I was and what I enjoyed as a kid. Do you get on Facebook every day? Pretty much. Did you watch the Kids Choice Awards when you were a kid? No. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Spice Girls, I think. Do you have memories that still make you cry? Yes. Have you made your own mask to help prevent the spread of the virus? No, considering I don't leave the damn house like ever. Do you know anyone who has the virus? Yes. Not personally, but distantly. Are you proud to be an American? (if applicable) Sometimes. What countries have you visited? I haven't left America. Have you ever had a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend? No. How many true heartbreaks have you had in your lifetime? Romantically, I only consider one to be a *real* heartbreak. Have you ever cut yourself? Yeah. Do you feel like everything is falling apart around you? BOY DO I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was your first kiss romantic? Yes. Do you miss any of your exes right now? My PTSD has been awful awful AWFUL the past few days, so yes. A lot. Have you ever overdosed on anything? Yes. What would you say if you found out your last ex was in a relationship? I'd be happy for her of course, but I'd also be very confused. She's made it clear she doesn't believe a relationship is the best idea for her right now. Who was your date to prom? Jason took me to his senior prom, and I took him to mine. Do you still talk to your first love? No, I haven't spoken to him in over three years now. Wow. Whose wedding did you go to first? I don't remember. I'm sure it wasn't the first, but ONE of the earliest that I do remember was when my friend Summer's mom got remarried. He sadly passed away a long while ago though. Are you ashamed of anyone you've dated in the past? Tyler, yes. It was so pointless and a "let's see how this goes" versus a "I really like this guy and really want this relationship" thing. I honestly think I only said yes to dating because I didn't want to hurt his feelings and I was lonely. What about anyone you've been friends with? There were certainly times it felt very weird calling Colleen my best friend with how bitchy she could be. Especially when you consider how non-confrontational I am, while she charged like a goddamn bull into arguments. Have you ever made out with someone in a pool? Uhhh I think that one night when I lived at the apartment and it was just us out there late at night. He and I went back inside before Jacob and Amanda TO hardcore make out because we both way too obviously wanted it so I wouldn't be remotely surprised if we snuck in some action at the pool oof. Who’s the last person that slept over your house? Sara. Do you still talk to the last person you kissed? Yes. Have you ever kissed someone with a tongue ring? No, I was the person with the tongue ring. I actually took it out a little while back because I was tired of accidentally chomping down on it when eating and chipping teeth. I'd already told myself if I did it one more time I would, and especially right now, we can't afford to keep filling cavities that have come from it. I don't at all regret getting it and it'll always be one of the cutest piercings I think I've ever had, but it was just time for it to come out. Is it hard for you to get over a lover? I THINK I'VE MADE THAT!!!!!!!!!!! O BVIO US S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever tried making someone jealous? Not to my recollection. Did your last relationship end because of you or the other person? Both of us really, but she initiated the breakup, you could say. Who is the last person you flirted with? Sara. Who's the most racist person you know? Jesus Christ, I live in the South. I know dozens of racists. I guess the worst is uhhh OH the aforementioned Colleen, holy fucking shit. I highly highly highly doubt that has changed at all since we last associated with each other. If you could be a film character, who would you be? Let me be Alice Liddell. Crunchy peanut butter or smooth? Smooth is the only way to go with pb. Would you rather always be in a crowd, or be the only person on earth? "Always be in a crowd. It wouldn’t be fun, but I think it’d be better than being that alone." <<<< This. I legitimately think I'd wind up killing myself in the other case. Would you rather be rich, or famous? Why? "Rich, because...what’s the point of being famous if you’re not rich? Just everyone knowing all of your business?" <<<< Also this. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the top or the bottom? "I start off from the top until it gets used enough that I have to squeeze up from the bottom." <<<< Lemme just steal all this person's answers lmao. How many children do you want? Girls or boys? None, but if I was to have kids, I'd definitely want a girl. Is there a story behind your name? What is it? No. What was one of the most fun things you and your college roommate did together? I didn't have a college roommate. Well wait no, during my first college attempt is when I lived w/ Jason, Jacob, and Amanda. I'd honestly prefer to not think too hard back on it to answer this. Does anyone know your bank pin number other than you? Who? I don't even have a bank account. Have you ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend who was depressed? Yeah, multiple. Would you be embarrassed to buy pads/tampons/condoms? Which one more? Pads or tampons, nah. I'd feel awkward buying condoms though. Are your parents gullible? Dad probably is; he has very little common sense. I got it from him lmao. Mom, heeeeell no. Do you still own a VCR? No. What color is the computer/laptop you’re on? Did you buy it yourself? It's black. No. Does the smell of cigarettes, weed and beer repulse you? All three do. Was the last person you kissed younger or older than you? Younger. Have you ever purchased Girl Scout cookies? Yeah. How often do you drink Monster? Never, because I don't like it. Have you ever made totally pointless videos with your friends? HAHA I was a cringy teen once, my friends. Do you like sitting on the inside or outside of a restaurant booth? Inside. I feel safer. Do you own a nightgown? No, I haven't worn those since I was a kid. Have you ever worn fishnets? Fishnet gloves. I WISH I could pull off fishnet pants. Would you rather go out to eat or be eaten out? In times like THESE???????? Bitch I wanna go eat out at a yummy restaurant. Do you always wear your seat belt? ABSOLUTELY. I get so stressed out when I see people not wearing one. Have you ever liked someone much older than you? Not much older. Have you ever been in a play? Just school ones as a kid. Is there ice cream in your freezer? No, but there's popsicles from when I couldn't get my tongue ring out and it was massively swollen and in terrible pain. Thank God I finally got it out. Have you ever liked the lyrics of a band but hated the music? Probably. Does your bathroom have a window? Yeah, but it's very small and up kinda high. Do you go somewhere to get your eyebrows done? I used to, but I don't anymore. I just leave them be. Do you believe prayer really works? Nope. Have you been on a date in the park? No. Are there any diseases/health problems that run in your family? A whole. Fucking. Lot. To just name a few, depression, high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer, diabetes... Do you have asthma? No. Last person to take off your pants, besides you? Jason. Least favorite alcoholic drink? Mother of God, this white wine I tried at Colleen's forever ago. It was fucking repulsive. How did you meet the last male you texted? I mean I literally came from his balls so like Have you ever had an embarrassing email address? Ha ha yeah, the one I've always had. It's not very adult-ish or "serious"-sounding, but I don't want to change it now. Do you put shampoo in your left or right hand? Left. I squeeze with my right. Do you have a bull ring through your nose? No, I don't feel that would look good on me. Do you and your dad get along? Yes. When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? My last year of art in high school. I made an anatomical heart for Jason. I wonder a lot if he still has it after how much work I put into it. Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I adore art. The world would be so much more boring without it. If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12hours or sharp for 2? Ew, dull. Two hours with sharp pain sounds awful. Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? Yeah. Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? Scientist, probably. I'd love to be a biologist anyway, and that's a type of scientist. Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? Ohhh, crime scene investigator. Does making others happy really make you feel happy? Yes! Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? No. Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another ‘sharp’ plant? Yeah. Have you ever written your own short story? Yes. What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn’t finish? "I started writing several novels, but abandoned them all." <<<< Same yo. Either of the above, if this was the case, place short synopsis here: The first one was about a very close meerkat family, divided into elemental "breeds," and the prince falling in love with another of his kind. His father had a stray brother who constantly aimed to destroy the family, but he was converted towards the end. That's all I can really remember about that one. There were others like two species of animals I made also falling in love, despite being predators and prey of each other, and fulfilling some sorta prophecy with their offspring. The other two I recall- yo fuck it I keep remember more and more okay I wrote a LOT. Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? I'm guessing you mean in books, given the last three questions? I have a strong preference for fantasy. What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? Hell if I know. Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? High flying job, easily. I don't want kids, nor do I need a large house, especially considering I hate cleaning even this tiny one. Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? Yeah. What did it look like and what were the circumstances? It was this really old, mostly dilapidated shack full of cool stuff. It was by the field near our old house. Me, my sister, and our friend hung out there and explored all the time until this freaky woman showed out and told us we shouldn't be there. Do you know a Jack? What’s he like? Yeah. I don't him that well though, so idk. How about a Lisa? What’s she like? Yeah, she's one of my WoW friends that I've become really close with. She is an absolute sweetheart, but talks about herself way, way too excessively to the point it's hard to have a conversation sometimes. I know she doesn't realize it, though. When you have children, would you like twins? I say enough that I don't even want kids, SO FUCK NO. Do you know any twins? If so, what are they called? Yes. Tyler and Taylor. I know others, but idr their names. What personality trait does nearly everyone in your family seem to have? We're stubborn as all fuck hell. Do you have any nicknames that aren’t derived from your actual name? Yeah, some online ones and then my mom has called me "Twinkie" since I was a baby. Do you have any allergies? Yeah, of pollen and silver. What is the longest your hair has ever been? To or maybe even past the small of my back. Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not my jam. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it? I really don't kn- oh yes I do. I have these oooold old thin and sewn-back-up-fifty-times Batman pj pants from when Jason and I were together, so maybe like... seven years? Thanks PTSD, I'm attached to them because Batman was his thing. How often do you eat out at a fancy restaurant? Just about never. Nutella or peanut butter? UGGGGGHHHHH I've been on a nutella thing lately. Have you ever hosted a wild party? Definitely not. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it? Wings of Fire: The Lost Heir by Tui Sutherland. Yes, it was very good. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually hang with? Besides my immediate family, like... none anymore. Have you ever donated blood? Yes. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays? This is hard to gauge. I've never seriously done it myself, and I don't really have the motivation to do it just to take it all down a month or so later. I love it in concept, but yeah. Favorite animated Disney character? Probably Kiara from TLK2. Have you ever cooked a big family meal by yourself? Ha, no. Favorite winter activity? TAKING PICTURES IN THE SNOOOOOOOOW. Do you consider rapping singing? I mean I guess? Does your home have a fireplace? No. Do you listen to any religious music? No. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite? Ugh... soda is my weakness. I'd probably lose weight easier if I just stopped drinking it. Mountain Dew Voltage is my favorite, and I've also been on a serious strawberry Sunkist thing lately. How easily do you cry? I cry very, very easily. Can you handle spicy foods? What is your spice limit? Oh yeah. The only way I know how to gauge this one is that I enjoy the "hot" sauce at BWW lol. I've actually kinda cut back on HOW much I enjoy it, though; like I'm more into enjoying my food thoroughly lately than the adrenaline of spicy food. What day of the week is laundry day for you? I personally don't do the laundry because Mom prefers to just do ours together, so. It varies, I think. Have you ever played spin the bottle? No. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer? If so, what are they of? Not on mine, but the one I currently have to use has tooons. I don't feel like looking at the lid trying to list what they are tho. How often do you say "y'all?" It's pretty much in my normal vernacular due to where I live. Do you believe in evolution? Yes. I have questions and curiosities about it, but when you consider how truly short it has been since considerable natural selection has been observed, why couldn't it exist on a bigger scale? Do you live in an apartment or a house? I live in a house. How long have you been at your current job? I'm unemployed. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship? Yes. Phrase you say the most? Probably "oof" lmao. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it? Yes and yes. Have you ever given anyone CPR? No. Have you ever learned to do anything from a how-to video on YouTube? Yes, mainly just editing stuff. Have you ever auditioned for a reality competition show? No. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a TV show? No. I've been at hockey games with Dad, but I don't consider those "TV shows." Have you ever given money to a street performer? I've never even seen one. Do you own any homemade clothing? Not that I know of. Have you ever bought anything from a flea market? Yeah, decorations 'n trinkets and stuff. I love flea markets. Have you ever quit a job? Yes. Are your birth parents together? No. Do you or have you ever worn glasses? I've worn glasses for years now. Have you ever been broken up with? AKA died in spirit? :^) Have you ever been the victim of a nasty prank? Not to my recolleciton. Favorite fandom? Y'all been known, the Markiplier fandom is a goddamn family. Can you surf? No. What motivates you to do well in life? The knowledge that I've most likely only got one life to make something of. How lucky do you consider yourself? I mean, ALL things considered, I'd say I'm at just below the baseline, maybe? I mean I could be homeless or dying of malaria or something. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? No. Favorite summer activity? Swimming! Have you ever lived on a farm? No. I wanted to for years as a little kid, though. How often do you get mad at yourself? I've lately been in an almost constant state of anger regarding myself, honestly. Have you ever gotten any stitches? Yes. Favorite YouTube channel? The Marker Plier guy. Do you have a pool at your house? No. Last thing that made you laugh? Something on Game Grumps. Earbud or earmuff headphones? Earbuds. Earmuffs hurt my head and ears. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman? Yes. Have you ever gotten a New Year’s kiss exactly at midnight? I don't think so. Have you ever voted for a reality competition show? The only time I did that I remember is when Landau Eugene Murphy Jr. won America's Got Talent. I adored him and voted like mad. Does anyone in your family currently serve in your country’s military? Ummm maybe distantly? I don't know anyone off the top of my head. Are you comfortable with watching rated R movies? Well yeah.

[xserpentlife]

Wrong Turn

Requested: @cokecola4211 : Riverdale imagine being from the Northside and from an uptight family that hates the southside and stuff way of life strict upbringing and the only time she can let loose is when she party's at the Wyrm in secret and dresses in black unless she gets home on time before curfew and stuff like that and she has a major crush on Fangs who she walks home w/ every night.

A/N: I am so sorry I have been gone I will hopefully be back completely now but I do go on vacation next week so we will see. I hope you guys like this story I absolutely love it. Thanks to my beta @wayward-river

Warnings: None that I can think of. Cursing?

Word Count: About 2688

Your parents kept the southside hidden your entire life, only ever going through town on the Northside and never once crossing the line. The Northside was all you ever knew, well at least for a while until the day you went for a run around the whole town. That was the day you met your best friends.

That one day you did was the day you met some of your best friends in the entire world. You were never one to hang out with many of the Northsiders you only really ever got along with Jughead who you soon learned was actually from the Southside. From the beginning, you connected with everyone so much more than anyone you have ever met. The Southside was like a second home for you maybe even the home that meant the most.

*Flashback*

Your morning run was the one thing that could keep your mind off of everything, you decided to take a different route than you were used to. When you started running your dad would always go with you, following behind keeping an eye out. You remembered back to the time that he told you not to make a turn because it leads to Sweetwater river which was dangerous. You followed his rule every morning never making that turn even when he didn’t go with you, but something was different this time you wanted an adventure, so you took the turn.

You never saw water wherever you were, your dad must’ve lied it looked like you were in a town much like the Northside, just less prissy. You continued your run looking around at where you were taking in the new sights you were seeing. Until a guy stopped you. You were deep into what you soon learned was the Southside.

“What are you doing running around here alone”

“I uh I just took a wrong turn thought Sweetwater river was down here”

“No, Sweetwater is up around the other edge of the Northside”

“I’m sorry my dad must’ve gotten it wrong”

“What do you mean”

“He told me never to take the turn and run down here. He told me that Sweetwater was dangerous, but I wanted an adventure so I took the turn. I didn’t expect a whole other town.”

“Wait you’ve never seen this side of town”

“What do you mean this side?”

“You're from Riverdale right?”

“Yeah”

“This is the Southside”

“What’s the Southside?”

“Well you’ve probably heard your side of town being called the Northside, well this is the Southside”

“Why would my dad lie?” “Eh, Northsiders tend to hate us. They don’t understand us”

“Oh well I’m sorry for intruding”

“It’s not a problem”

“Then why did you stop me?”

“Well most people wouldn’t run around the Southside with headphones in and no protection”

“Protection?”

“Yeah… you know what nevermind”

“No, tell me I have nothing better to do”

“Alright well why don’t you come to the Whyte Wyrm with me”

“The Whyte Wyrm?”

“It’s a bar”

“You want me to go to a bar I’m not even…” “What? Old enough? Don’t worry about it no one is”

“But my parents”

“Tell them you're at a study group or you took a trip to Greendale or something”

“Alright”

“Really?” “Yeah why not”

“You trust me just like that”

“Eh you seem cool plus if you wanted to kill me you would’ve taken me down the alley right there… so unless that’s your plan I’d say I'm pretty safe”

“Touche”

“Wait…”

“You alright Princess?”

“First of all, I am not a Princess. Second I just wanna know what your name is?”

“Oh it’s Fogarty but you can call me Fangs”

“Wow and just when I thought you weren’t cringy…”

“Hey… if we play our cards right we could be endgame”

“Oh my god let’s go Fangs” You started walking away realizing that you didn’t know where you were going before he forcefully pulled you back. “Hey! What was that for!”

“Uh, it was nothing just uh… you're going the wrong way is all”

“Oh well, then you lead the way” It was the end of the afternoon at this point. You talked as you slowly made your way to the Whyte Wyrm. You eventually walked up to a building with a bunch of bikes parked outside, and guys wearing black with beards and leather jackets. You felt out of place… at least your outfit was a black sweatshirt and leggings though.

You spent a few hours at the Wyrm losing track of time during the whole thing. You talked to Fangs, and he stayed with you through it all. He even introduced you to his friends Toni and Sweet Pea. You looked at your phone hearing it ring a few times. You saw 10 missed calls from your mother and father so you stepped outside. You called them back and as soon as they picked up the yelling ensued. You apologized saying you fell asleep after watching the movie after you finished studying and lost track of the time, and you promised to be home soon. You didn’t want to leave Fangs or his friends. You got along with them so well and you hadn’t had that for a while. But you knew you had to leave, it was too good to be true. Fangs came out as you were about to start walking home.

“Hey… wait!”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m sorry Fangs, I need to go home”

“Let me walk you”

“I can’t what if I get caught”

“Say I was from the study group… at least let me walk you to the end of your street, please. I can’t let you walk home alone”

“Okay”

“Wait…”

“What Fangs I gotta go”

“Your name…  you never told me”

“It’s Y/N”

“Eh I think I’ll stick with princess”

“I’m not a princess Fogarty”

“Whatever you say, Princess”

“You are impossible… now let’s go I gotta get home”

“Alright”

*End Flashback*

It had been three weeks since that first day that you met Fangs Fogarty, and your life had changed so much. You finally felt like you had friends who actually cared about your friends you could hang out with a feel normal. The Southside became your home. You knew the people there… you held conversations walked with them places. You were as much a part of the Southside as they were a part of you. At first, it was hard you felt like you didn’t belong. Hell, you didn’t think you would be invited that night a few days later but Fangs had surprised you. You learned he watched all day from afar till your parents left just so he could invite you to go dancing and hang out at the Wyrm. Of course, you said yes. Now a few days a week you would hang out with Fangs, Toni, and Sweet Pea whether it be at the Wyrm or the quarry it didn’t matter. Every Friday the Wyrm is where you were dancing in your tight black outfit and heeled boots. You remember that first night you went dancing like it was yesterday… because that is when it all started.

*Flashback*

A knock on your bedroom window scared the shit out of you making you stop the dancing you had been doing. You looked over to see Fangs knocking. You ran over opening it and letting him climb in.

“Fangs what the fuck!”

“Well hi to you too”

“You scared the living shit out of me Fogarty!” You smacked him on the arm before crossing your arms over your chest.

“Stop, Y/N…” “Why are you here”

“What not happy to see me?”

“Really…”

“Look I just… I wanted to talk to you again I tried asking around seeing if anyone had your number cause ya know I didn’t wanna be a weirdo and come here but of course no one knew you, and Jughead didn’t have your number so I just decided to come here”

“Okay but that doesn’t explain to me why you’re here”

“Well everyone wants to hang again I just wanted to see if you wanted to come dancing at the Wyrm tonight. Friday the Wyrm turns more into a club then a bar figured maybe you'd like to join”

“I don’t dance”

“Really because I saw you dancing in here about 5 minutes ago and I’d say you can dance Princess”

“You… you saw that”

“I did which means you can dance, and you are coming with me tonight”

“Oh am I”

“Please”

“Fine Fogarty I’ll come. Wait downstairs while I get dressed”

“Okay” You went into your closet grabbing out the things you never god to wear. Being from the Northside it was constant color. You never wanted to be the weird girl so you wore as much color as you could stand, but at the Wyrm you knew you could be yourself. So you chose to throw on an old large ripped Metallica t-shirt and some maroon thigh high boots. You walked downstairs and looked for Fangs seeing the back door open in your kitchen. You walked through and saw Fangs standing looking out and watching a bird in a tree.

“Hey, you ready Fogarty?”

“Yeah I’m... “ He turned around slowly pausing in the middle of his sentence just staring at you.

“You alright”

“Yeah, yeah I’m good sorry uh I’m ready yeah follow me” “To where aren't we walking we can just go out the gate”

“Not this time” You followed Fangs out the front door of your house locking it up behind you. You watched Fangs walk down to a bike.

“Your kidding”

“Nope”

“Great well I’m gonna die tonight”

“Princess you aren't gonna die”

“Fangs! Again with the Princess shit”

“What! You can’t yell at me when you literally look like a fucking princess tonight”

“Get on the fucking bike Fogarty… now, before I change my mind alright”  He quickly mounted the bike and you followed swiftly behind. He turned the bike on the engine revving.

“Hold on tight Y/N” You did as you were told no complaints coming from you. You realized how nice it was holding onto Fangs, how much you enjoyed it

*End Flashback*

Your phone buzzed as you finished getting dressed for the Wyrm.

I’m here get your ass out here. I don’t got time to wait, Princess, let’s go we’re already late

You walked outside to see Fangs sitting on his bike waiting for you.

“You’re late not me Fangs”

“Okay I was just trying to get you out of the house faster, also all this doesn’t get done very quickly” he motioned to himself.

“You are so cringy, Fogarty”

“You know it…. Now get your ass on this bike”

“I’m coming, calm your ass down” You slowly made your way to the Wyrm the night already started considering you guys were a few hours later than usual. You walked in the music already blaring and Toni handing a drink to you. After a few drinks and talking with everyone you started feeling a buzz. You wanted to dance so you went to the floor when Fangs went to the bathroom. The music taking over your head as you danced. Fangs slowly joined you grabbing you from around the back. You often danced together but you were both slightly tipsy on a night you wouldn’t usually drink. You both got closer and closer as each song came. You hadn’t realized your foreheads were pressed together until you opened your eyes and stared straight back into Fangs’. The feelings hit hard. You didn’t wanna be without him after that first night. You liked Fangs, and you liked him more every second you were with him. You tried for weeks to push them away but nothing was working. You liked him and the off chance of him not liking you back killed you. You knew he cared about you as a friend, but you knew that was most likely the only way he did. So you ripped away from him running out of the Wyrm for air. You had to get home.

You didn’t care that he was the one to always walk you, all you cared about was getting away from the Wyrm and the feelings that crowded your mind and your heart. You started your walk home and soon heard steps and screams from behind you.

“I thought we were over you just leaving after that first night”

“I just… I had to go. I need to get home”

“Again with this… So you were just gonna leave, not say goodbye”

“I’m sorry Fangs. I didn’t wanna say goodbye”

“You didn’t have to you know I like walking you home”

“I can’t Fangs I’m sorry to get your bike or go back to the party I am going home I don’t need you to walk me”

“What is going on with you. I am not leaving”

“Why can’t you just let me fucking walk home on my own I am not a fucking damsel in distress, that is gonna get captured and need saving or some shit!”

“ I fucking know that Y/N. But I care about you too much to just let you leave. I fucking love you and if I wasn’t there and something happened to you that I could’ve prevented I couldn’t live with myself. That is why I walk you home. I walk you home cause I fucking care okay!”

“Wait… You said…”

“That I care, yeah cause I do”

“No, you said you loved me”

“I… I, uh I’m sorry just call me when you get home” He started walking away but you had to know if it was true.

“Fogarty wait”

“Is it… are you… do you… I mean, do you love me… nevermind there's no way” He turned around and ran towards you his hands cupping your face and before you realized his lips were connected with your own the heat running through his hands and through your body. The warmth you felt every time he would hold your hand, or when you wrap your arms around his body while on the bike. Everything with him felt warm… this was your warmth, he was your warmth. He pulled away slowly his forehead laying flat against your own.

“Do you believe me now?”

“Eh kind of” He kissed you again his lips passionately almost harshly pressing against your own.

“Can I walk you home now?”

“Of course” You walked to your house hand in hand. It felt right with him. Everything was always right with him and you knew that. Not before long you are stood in front of your front gate. He looked at you and you looked up into his eyes his hand coming and resting on your cheek before he pulled you in while landing a chaste kiss to your lips.

“So maybe we really are endgame Fogarty”

“We definitely are Princess and you know it”

After a quick passionate kiss on your lips, he looked into your eyes and told you he would pick you up tomorrow for your first date. You were stoked. Fangs was the one person you could be your complete self around. You are so grateful you felt adventurous and kept running that one day cause if you didn’t you never would’ve met him.

[rogerina-yee-haw]

“at least I’m one”

chapter 3: “- the broken rules and true affection”

sd!gwilym lee x reader

[the goodbye] [the sadness & tenderness]

summary: you and gwil met ten months ago; and he offered you to be his sugar baby almost immediately. you agreed at that exact moment, not knowing where it would get you.

warnings: badly written smut (again) sorry y’all; angst, fluff, cursing, cringy behavior, author’s spelling and grammar errors, typos

a/n: hey y’all ily!!! thanks for waiting!! i love you all!! I’m sorry it took me so long!! I’m dying at uni!! 

also, I wanted to thank you for 350+ followers like??? how did it happen?? I don’t deserve all of your pretty souls?? but seriously, you all are amazing and wonderful, and I hope you have a beautiful day <3

I :) hope :) this :) chapter :) isn’t :) a :) complete :) piece :) of :) garbage :) (it is imao sorry)

P.S.

there are three chapters left. 

As you follow your parents through the long and silent corridors of the hospital, you can surely say that you feel much better.

Becca gave birth to a beautiful baby boy; and you have never seen her happier. She and Jackson looked so felicitous with their newborn in Becca’s arms, that you couldn’t but shed a tear. For the first time during this day it wasn’t a sad cry; you were really happy.

Your sister needed rest after the tough night of labor; so you and your parents decided it would be better for you to leave. And now you are going home, back to your apartment, April and sorrows.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” your mum lightly touches your hand; you give her a fake smile in response. You can’t tell her the truth; and was there ever even a slight bit of truth about you and Gwil? Everything your parents know about this relationship is built on lies. You can’t tell her that you fell in love with your sugar daddy but he proposed to another sugar baby, and that’s why you’re heartbroken. You simply can’t.

“Just tired”, you smile weakly. “Can’t even imagine how Becca’s still able to talk and, y’know; behave as a normal human being after having such an experience”. Your mum lets out a laugh.

“Becca is strong. And she likes being the center of attention, so her desire to talk is quite understandable”.

“Put it this way, love”, your father joins the conversation, “Becca just wants everyone to praise her. That’s her character”.

“She deserves that praise”, you say.

Your father smiles. “Of course she does. She’s a hero”.

When your parents offer to give you a ride, you refuse, saying Janet is supposed to pick you up; you lie, once again. You’re not ashamed of yourself – you wouldn’t survive if you never lied. That’s just another deception. Just another delusion for your parents and you to believe in.

No one’s here to pick you up. Janet is probably having fun at that party, Billy’s sleeping, and Gwil… You sigh deeply. You just can’t continue doing it to yourself anymore. One more thought about Gwilym, one more memory – and you’re sure you’ll jump off of some building. You won’t make it through the night if you continue thinking about him.

He’s gone. He’s engaged to Alice. He’s not yours. He has never been yours. That’s all that you have to know for moving on.  But you simply don’t know how; Gwil has been a part of your life for ten months, you can’t just move on. That’s not possible.

When you get into the cab, you’re on the verge of crying again; all the bliss, given by Becca’s baby boy, is gone. You look through the car window – the streets of London are full of people on this Friday night. All of them are having fun, laughing and just enjoying themselves; and even if they have some troubles in their life, they simply forget about them while drinking tons of alcohol. If you do the same thing, you’d end up on Gwilym’s doorstep. You know that for sure.

Almost twenty minutes later you come back home; it’s silent there, as usual. You don’t even turn the lights on – you don’t want to see what kind of mess your flat is now. “Probably as messy as I am”, you think when you sit down on the couch.

On the floor, right in front of you, there is a bag. The bag. You take a deep breath before reaching your hand to it; you have to look through the stuff you took from Gwil’s apartment. You had to do that to cope with your feelings, to try to move on. You can’t let yourself drown in your sorrows, not being able to throw away everything related to him. You need to get rid of the memories. You have to do that just in case. Just to realize if the pain is still that strong.

The red flannel shirt is the first thing that you put out of the bag.

And you can’t even comprehend how much pain it causes you. It makes your chest ache, and you feel like your heart is going to explode.

And there you have enough of your weak attempts in moving on.

You burst into tears, squeezing the shirt in your hands; it still smells like him. Because it’s his, it’s his shirt. The one he says he hates so much, that he didn’t even protest when you borrowed it. The memories of this day are still fresh, and you let yourself drown in them, you give in. You can’t fight, you’re not that powerful. You can’t move on, you’re not that strong to do this. You want to drown in your sorrows, because it’s the only way to be with him now.

Still crying, you put the shirt over your shoulders. “Looks good on you”, Gwil used to say when you wore it. “It was a lie”, you whisper while curling up on the couch; you keep sobbing and wrapping the shirt around yourself. “Another lie to play with me”, you say under your breath, tears still streaming down your cheeks when you doze off. Your sleep isn’t peaceful; you dream about Gwilym, again and again.

                                            ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

                                                     September.

“So you agree?”

You looked into the contract one more time; you furrowed your brows just to seem focused. To be honest, you’ve lost the ability to concentrate the moment you saw Gwil inside of the restaurant. He looked like the fucking Adonis in his dark-grey three-piece suit, and you couldn’t get the image of him roughly lifting you up from your seat and fucking you right on this table till you see the stars. You kept reminding yourself that it wasn’t right, that you just met him seven hours ago. You had no idea who he was until he approached you in that posh shop.

At one point you started doubting whether you needed that or not; but then you realized one simple thing. This beautiful, heavenly looking man was offering you the life you could never afford. Alright, maybe if you worked yourself to death – maybe then you could afford buying expensive clothes and jewelry. Also being alone for a year and a half had its own influence – and by that you certainly meant a badly hidden desire to have sex with Gwilym right there and then.

You sighed deeply, as you looked through the rules. They weren’t bad; as they weren’t, by no means, crossing any lines in any way. They were normal. They were adequate. You couldn’t ask for more. That was your chance to get free cash and hook up with a pretty dude. You couldn’t miss such an opportunity.

“I do”.

                                           ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

rule №7. no contact with each other’s families and friends.

                                                        March.

“Someone get this goddamn door!”

Your mother’s scream was able to bring dead back to life; but now it only made you realize that you might lose your hearing, if she shouted like that one more time.

“Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?” Billy seemed to notice the way you winced when you heard your mother’s loud voice; and that’s why he decided to proclaim the song’s lyrics right into your ear. It made you growl, and you turned around to hit him on the shoulder.

“Idiot!” you said. “Go get the door”.

“I’m too busy to do that”.

You raised your eyebrows at him in disbelief; Billy was just messing around while his mother and you were helping your mum with preparing food and guests. Your dad and Becca with Jackson were of great help, too; everyone was doing something except for this dumbass. He grinned widely, seeing your frustration. “Besides, t’s not my house. I’m not allowed to open doors and, y’know, behave wildly”.

“Swift, for fuck’s sake, you’ve spent more time in this house than anywhere else”, you sighed. “And you certainly opened the doors for, like, million times”.

“But-“

“Billy!” his mother stormed into the kitchen “Stop wandering around and go get the door!” she took the bowl with fruits into her hands. “Or I’ll make you chat with Zelda!” she added before heading to the dining room. Billy’s eyes widened and he seemed to start trembling the second he heard your aunt’s name; so he left the kitchen immediately. You chuckled; this day was already a piece of work. Every time such a big family gathering happened, you knew that something would eventually be fucked up. Today was no exception, as it was your mother’s fiftieth birthday.

She wanted to have both her sisters, three best friends with their children and, of course, her own family present at such an important event. Three best friends included Mrs. Swift with her dumbass of a son Billy, Mrs. Johnson, and Mrs. Raymonds with her daughter Alexis and son James. 

James had been a pain in your ass today since the moment he entered the house. You expected to successfully avoid talking to him, but it seemed as if he wanted to speak to you more than anything. You couldn’t really understand why. You hadn’t communicated properly for four years, right since your breakup, and you didn’t really want to; firstly, because before you were too invested in your relationship and split with Luke, and now because of Gwilym.

You closed your eyes and let out a sigh. How you wished to have Gwil here now; you knew that with him everything would be so much better. And, moreover, if Gwil was here, James wouldn’t be bothering you. You couldn’t tell him to fuck off; you were too nice for that. Besides, you didn’t want to ruin the “normal” relationship that you two had – if it was possible to call it like that. 

He was not only your childhood friend, but your ex, your first kiss, your first sex and your first heartbreak. Every “first” that happened to you was connected to James; and no matter how much thankful you were to him for giving you a necessary experience, you couldn’t but regret your decision to date your mum’s best friend’s son at the age of fourteen. If you never saw him again, everything would be so much easier. All just because he was awfully clingy and tedious; it seemed as if he had never grown up and was still stuck in high school. And he was an idiot in high school.

“You need help?” As your back was facing the kitchen’s entrance, you couldn’t miss the opportunity to roll your eyes when you heard James’s voice. It took you everything not to tell him to fuck off, as you put a fake smile on your face and turned around to see him standing near the fridge. A couple of steps more – and he would be right in front of you. Disgusting.”No; but thank you for the offer, James”.

“Oh, Y/N”, he smiled and moved a bit forward; your fists tightened and you clenched your jaw, still smiling. “You’re always welcome”.

Please, dear God. Save me from this monstrosity.

Billy was humming the song about the poor groom and his whore-bride as he approached the door; he was happy enough to avoid talking to aunt Zelda for a while. She was the most annoying person he had ever met, and she also hated him to death; so opening the door was quite a good opportunity.

A tall dude in a suit with bouquet of flowers on Y/L/N’s house’s doorstep surprised Billy; as he was 5’6” himself, everyone taller than that seemed like a giant to him. And this really handsome pal was certainly intimidating. “You alright, mate?” Billy examined him from heat to foot; the suit was totally expensive and the man himself looked like a fucking duke.

“Is Y/N here?” his voice was deep and a bit husky; Billy furrowed his brows – he had no idea you were aquianted with someone from the Royal Family.

“Y/N!” he screamed. “That’s for you!”

When James was almost standing near you, Billy’s voice saved your day. “Thank God!” you shouted in response and flew out of the kitchen; no matter who was there, you were happy enough it happened. You saw Billy standing in front of the open door; leaning to the doorway, that was leading from the hall to the living room, you let out a sigh of relief. You didn’t even see who was at the door; and at the moment you didn’t care, as you stood there, panting, with your eyes closed.

“Fucking James”, you breathed. “I hate this fucking wanker so much, you don’t even know, Billy”.

“Oh no, I do, trust me, Y/L/N. ‘Cause I hate him more”.

“If I hear his fucking voice one more time, I swear-“

“Who’s James?”

You couldn’t believe it; did the voice that you heard belong to Gwilym? Your eyes went round; and when you finally saw him, standing on your parents’ house’s doorstep, your eyes lit up and your mouth curved into a smile. He was there.

“Gwil”, you mouthed. He beamed, and his whole face lit up when he saw you. Or maybe it just seemed to you that it did.

“Y/N”, he said, “hey”.

“I’m Billy!” he chimed in, resting his chin on your shoulder; your smile faded as your rolled your eyes at him.

“Swift, go to the kitchen and help our mums”, you said quickly. He huffed.

“And talk to Raymonds? No, thank you.”

As you kept maintaining eye contact with Gwil, you couldn’t but close your eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. “Billy”, you said through gritted teeth, “go and help our mums”.

“Y/L/N-“

“Billy!” you turned around; if it was possible to burn someone down with just one simple gaze, Billy would have been dead already. “Go and do it, while I’m asking you nicely!” you pinched his shoulder so strongly, that he jumped and let out a squeak.

“Alright!” he raised his hands. “I’ll do anything if you stop hitting and pinching me. Bloody woman”, he mumbled, while leaving.

“Sorry about him”, you looked back at Gwil; he was still smiling at you. “He’s just twelve, really”. 

“Is that your best friend you told me about?”

“Yeah”. Only then you noticed he was holding a bouquet of lilies.

“That’s my mum’s favourite flowers”, you said quietly. “How’d you know?”

His gaze was fixed on your face; and you couldn’t but look away because you felt extremely flustered.

“You said it once. I remembered”.

You melted like an ice-cream under the scorching sun. He remembered that? It took your father twenty-seven years of marriage to memorize his wife’s favorite flowers, and here was Gwil – remembering about it for some time. You didn’t even know how to react.

But then you realized one thing. He was not supposed to be here. He was your sugar daddy; and one of the rules was not to have any contact with each other’s families of friends. What exactly was he doing here?

“What are you doing here?” you asked. “You said you gonna have a business trip”.

He smiled. “I deferred it to the next weekend. Couldn’t leave my girl alone with her, as she says that, crazy family”.

My girl. Of course, you heard him say that million times; but something was different now, you could feel it in your bones.

You smiled like an idiot, while he was taking off his coat; he beamed at you back, and there you were – two grinning idiots, who stood in your parents’ house’s hallway. That was so much you wanted to tell him; how thankful you were that he came, but mostly you wanted to kiss him softly and whisper “I love you” in between kisses.

“You’re gonna regret it”, you say instead. “They’re embarrassing”.

He chuckled and took your hand; Gwil pressed a sweet kiss to your knuckles. “I will never regret a minute spent with you. Even if your family is embarrassing”. He pulled you closer, and you were perfectly safe and sound in his arms. The flowers, lying on the little sofa in the hallway, were long forgotten, as well as guests, food and the world. Gwil was warm and lovely, and you closed your eyes, resting your head in the crook of his neck. You would stay like this forever. You didn’t need anything, anyone else, but him, just him, only him. You had no idea why he was there, when he could be somewhere else, with another sugar baby, having sex and buying jewelry. But he was there, with you.

“You are stunning”, he whispered in your ear. “Red looks good on you”. You let out a chuckle against his neck. God, that was so silly.

“You bought me this dress, after all”, you answered quietly. Gwil hummed in response and kissed your hair; you pulled away from his neck, catching him staring at you in awe. You lost yourself in his blue eyes, lost yourself forever in his mesmeric gaze. Was this love? For you, yeah. For you, it was everything you ever wanted – it seemed that Gwilym walked into your life in that dark-blue suit at the end of the September right from your dreams. You didn’t even know when exactly you fell in love with him – but you knew it was more than just a simple arrangement now. At least for you.

“It’s not the point, baby”, his fingers traced different shapes on your back and Gwil could certainly feel you shivering under the dress. “You look good in everything”. He pressed a kiss on your forehead, and you both smiled. It was perfect.

“You must be the mysterious guy Y/N always talks about!” You let out a squeak and jumped back from Gwilym in an instant; your sister was leaning onto the doorframe and grinning impishly. You pressed a hand to your chest and cursed under your breath. “I’m Becca, her elder sister”, her and Gwil shook hands and you couldn’t but roll your eyes; Becca was up to something. You didn’t like the thought of it; any idea of your sister always turned out to be a disaster.

You all walked in the dining-room; and the whole place went from a loud chat to complete silence. Aunt Zelda, as you noticed, was examining Gwil thoroughly. You furrowed your brows and rolled your eyes; your aunt was evidently interested in a good-looking man who just walked in with you. You let out an exasperated sigh and rolled your eyes once again, this time thinking that they may just stay inside of your head if you do that one more time. You saw Billy barely holding back his hysterical laugh, when you sat down at the table; you stopped yourself from slapping your forehead and throwing something at Swift. Your attention was drawn to Becca and Jackson as they were having whispered conversation, while looking at you and Gwil. James looked confused, when you gave him a brief look; his opinion was the last one you were interested in. You were so invested in observing everyone’s reaction that you missed the main one – your mum’s.

“….boyfriend?”

You frowned hearing the scraps of the conversation; you turned your head and caught your mum and dad talking to Gwilym. You looked at them, being disoriented, as you heard him saying that. “Yes, I am. I’m Y/N’s boyfriend”.

You tilted your head, still furrowing your brows. Boyfriend?

“I’m Y/N’s boyfriend”, for fuck’s sake, what?

“Holy shit”, you almost mumbled, still staying bewildered; he didn’t just say what he said, did he?

Boyfriend? No. He was not your boyfriend. He was the exact opposite. He bought you expensive shit and fucked you into oblivion. He was your sugar daddy. He was providing you with money and taking you to luxurious resorts to spend the weekend there. He made an arrangement, came up with rules for both of you to follow. He had other women as his sugar babies, whom he fucked too. He was a boss in the huge ass company. He was a literal Disney Prince. He was this, and not your boyfriend.

But he took care of you when you were terribly sick after your romantic getaway in Aspen. He held you tightly when you were crying. He cuddled you until you fell asleep in his arms, both of you beaming. He praised every part of your body. He wrote you cute letters every day, saying how much he adored you. He told you he was proud of you when you got a promotion. He made you a bubble bath with candles lit around and sweet music playing on the background. He did facemasks with you while watching your favorite shows. He told you he didn’t want to let you go. He made you feel valued and protected, for the first time after two failed relationships. He made you feel as if it wasn’t just an arrangement. He made you feel like he loved you.

Your heart skipped a beat at this thought. Loved you? No, that was ridiculous. Gwilym couldn’t love you; he could love Alice, a small pretty thing with her piercing gaze and gracious movements; or his other sugar baby, Zoe, with her husky voice and plump lips. He could love someone much more skinnier than you, someone not that tall, and someone not that awkward. He was way out of your league; and still, somehow, he was there, at your family’s gathering, talking to your relatives and resting his hand on your thigh.  He was there, with you, not anywhere else. He was there. 

You exchanged glances, smiled at each other; throughout the whole evening he never stopped whispering into your ear about how beautifully you looked. He held your hand and kissed it, when there was an opportunity. Gwil was talking to your dad about science and business, like your father had a clue about any of those things; he even chatted with Billy for a moment, which made you smile lightly. It seemed to you that every time he looked at you, his eyes lit up.  And for a moment you knew - he was yours. Only yours.

                                          ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

rule №2. accept every gift that is given.

                                                     February.

It was so good.

The sound of Gwil’s skin clapping against yours, the way he gripped your hips and sucked on the skin in the crook of your neck made you arch your back, your breasts pressing into his chest. He growled, and it sent shivers down your spine. His thrusts were now faster, as he was as close as you.

“You like it like that, right, baby?”

You were clinging onto him as if it was the matter of life and death; and it was, indeed. He was giving you what you needed. Finally. “Yes, daddy”, you mouthed. “I’m so close”, you were breathing hard and saying these words wasn’t very easy as well; but it was what he wanted – you spoke. Gwil thrusted into you harshly, burying himself inside of you so deeply that you could only scream his name in pleasure. It seemed that you both had forgotten about the little game you played. You were more than happy to realize that; even though you were terribly wrong about Gwilym.

He started moving slower in you and then pulled out; your eyes were wide open the second he did that. What the actual fuck?

You rose on your elbows; your brows drew together as you watched this asshole slyly grin. “You said…” you were panting. “You said…you…”

“That I’ll let you cum in the bedroom?” he replied. “That’s true”, he shrugged his shoulders. “But you didn’t catch one little thing, love”, Gwil was hovering over you again. “By that I meant master bedroom. And this”, he pressed a kiss on your lips, “This is certainly not the master bedroom”.

You looked at him with wide eyes and sighed loudly. In a master bedroom? “There are seven bedrooms in this house”, you mumbled, when you head fell back onto the pillows. He was kidding, right? He didn’t let you cum neither in the kitchen nor in the living room, and promised you’d come in the bedroom – but now, turned out that he was just messing with you? You covered your eyes with your hand and sighed deeply. This was going to be a long ride; and with Gwil’s desire to edge you until you were begging and telling him exactly what he wanted – you knew you would be exhausted as fuck.

“This can end very quickly, y’know it, love”, he hovered over you, you could feel it; your eyes were still closed and jaw clenched tightly. You didn’t want to give in. You didn’t start playing this game just to let him win in the end.

It wasn’t exactly a game, though. You were just rejecting his gift, and that’s all. The only thing was that not accepting the present was another violation of rules. And, also, that his gift was a fucking three-storied house. A freaking mansion with a huge garage, a back garden, and, like, fifty rooms. He just said, “It’s a simple gift, love”, and you jaw fell open at his words. Simple fucking gift; the one you never asked for. That was too much. Money, Cartier bracelets, diamond necklaces and designer clothes were great and amazing, but the house? You knew Gwil couldn’t get enough of spoiling, but he crossed the line here, even for a sugar daddy. Even for this type of relationship buying a house was too much.

But he, apparently, didn’t think so. He kept on insisting it didn’t mean anything, that he didn’t even spend that much money on it. Your blood was boiling, and you could feel your ass burning with anger. 

Now your ass was burning too, but because of how much Gwil was spanking you. You were ready to come undone just cause of it, but this asshole didn’t let you. He wouldn’t let you come until you accepted the gift. And even though you really liked the house, you couldn’t just agree on his terms and take it. No. It was too much. Even for such a rich dude like Gwil.

“I just have to accept your gift and shut up, right?” you said through gritted teeth. Gwil furrowed his brows, and took your hand from your face. Your eyes were open as you were looking at him irritably.

“I never told you to shut up”, his tone was serious as he was staring you in the eyes. “And it’s not what I meant. You know that”. He sounded offended; you suddenly felt guilty about your behavior. You were acting like a bitch the second you saw the house, and said some stupid shit, like “I hate this fucking house". He shouldn’t have bought it, but you shouldn’t be a brat about it either. He did  it not 'cause he wanted to buy you, no; he did it because that’s how he showed his affection. And it was part of your arrangement, part of then rules after all; he always sticked to them, unlike you.

“I do”, you cupped his face in your hands, looking at him softly. “I know that you don’t mean anything like that”, you pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. He kissed you back eagerly, putting his hands on your waist and pulling himself lower, closer to you. You both were naked, aroused and hungry for each other. You pulled away trying to catch your breath. “But I still can’t accept this gift, Gwil”.

Gwilym let out a loud groan as he rolled over to another side of the bed. “Why’s that, Y/N?” he tried to sound neutrally but you could feel irritation coming out of his whole body.

“Baby, I told you already”, you sighed tiredly. “The house’s too big, too expensive. I can’t accept it”.

“It’s a gift, love”, he ran his fingers through his hair. “You don’t have to think about its price”.

You rolled over to face him, but he wasn’t looking at you; he lied on his back, breathing heavily with eyes closed. Too annoyed to even speak to you. And even though he wouldn’t speak to you through his mouth, you knew through what he would certainly answer you. If he said “no” to it, you would never insist on keep going. You were both keeping each other comfortable, always.

He was still rock hard and you had to restrain yourself from moaning. He might have been a huge ass with the whole edging thing today, but you wanted him like crazy, always and constantly.

 He let out a groan when you straddled him. You tried your best to keep a straight face, but you were so fucking wet that no facial expression could save you.Gwil felt that; thinking that you were insisting on continuation of the sex, he put his hands on your hips, trying to make you move; but you had other plans for him. You took his hands off of you and put them on his sides. “What will people say when they learn I’m living in such a big house?” you traced circles on his chest with your fingers; he drew in a long breath, gripping the sheets. “No one would believe I’m able to even rent it. I’m not really rich, baby”, you kept maintaining eye-contact; him inside of you and neither of you moving.

“Fuck them”, he whispered. He made you feel like a goddess just by looking at you that lovingly and hungrily. You moaned at the thought, and Gwil took this chance to putting his hands on your hips again. You raised an eyebrow and brushed his hands off. He didn’t let you cum. Now you were going to torture him for a little bit as well.

“No touching, Gwil. You can’t do that unless I say so”.

He licked his lips and grinned, surprised by your sudden dominance. He liked seeing you like this: confident and naked. Gwil’s favorite moods of yours.

“Shit, Y/N”, he grunted. “You feel amazing. So tight and beautiful”.

You gasped; Gwil was well aware of the effect his words had upon you, and he smiled, no, he fucking grinned, looking at you, almost twirling in ecstasy already.

The smug look on his face vanished when you started rocking your hips against him. Moving up and down his cock, you moaned and clung on his chest with your nails. He hissed, gripped the sheets tightly but never touched you. You rode him fast and needy, trying to reach your climax sooner than he noticed. “Feels so good”, you whined. Sweaty, greedy, whimpering, with head tilted back and nails digging in his chest – just the sight of you like this could make Gwil lose control. He wanted to thrust into you harshly, touch you everywhere, run his fingers through your hear and caress your face as you rode you both to orgasm – but he followed your rules. Not only 'cause he liked that, but also because he wanted to show you that obedience wasn’t too bad. Although he would certainly disagree with it right now, when he couldn’t even kiss you. “Touch me”, you breathed, needing his hands on you. God, you needed him in so many ways.

“Finally”.

He squeezed your breasts immediately; you moaning echoed in the room, making him even more turned on than he already was. Your walls clenched against him, and no matter how much he wanted to continue your little game, he wanted to fuck you properly more. He wanted to hear you screaming, wanted to see your face when you cum. God, he wanted all of you just to him.

You felt your orgasm coming in any moment, and you bit your lip to hold back moans, so that Gwil wouldn’t stop. But he didn’t even intend to. Not this time. “Come on, baby”, he whispered, caressing your sides, “come for me”.

Gwilym’s words made you lose it, lose all the power you thought you had. You fell onto him, burying your face in the crook of his neck, as he was fucking you now, hitting that exact spot inside you that drove you crazy. “Gwil”, you panted against his neck; and  your hot breath sending shivers down his spine and making him thrust into you harder. “I’m gonna cum”, you said in an unsteady voice, while gripping his shoulders and digging your nails in there.

“Let go, baby”.

He let out a pure animalistic growl and suddenly flipped you over, so you were underneath him. He attacked your lips with his, giving you the most heated and loving kiss in your life. You wrapped your legs around his waist so that he could have a batter access to hit your g-spot; with your hands on his neck, you didn’t let him to break the kiss, deepening it, trying to fight for dominance. But dominance was his thing in bedroom.

He buried himself so deep inside of you that you two could only moan into each other’s mouths; you both reached your highs together, skin to skin, in unison, screaming one another’s names and grabbing the sheets. You both needed that.

Some minutes later, when you came down from your high Gwil left a delicate kiss on your forehead and got up; throwing the used condom into the trash, he turned around and saw you lying down with your hand covering your face. The blissful smile on your face and steady breathing told him that you were ready to nod off.

“Falling asleep on me, aren’t ya?” he lied down next to you; Gwil took your hand and pressed a kiss to it.

You took a deep breath. “Just give me a couple of minutes”, your reply was weak; Gwilym chuckled and smacked your ass playfully. You giggled and turned your face to him; you struggled to even open your eyes.

“Let’s get some sleep, love”, Gwil said quietly. He adjusted your pillows and put a blanket over the two of you; after he pulled your closer, your back on his chest, and his arms wrapped around you. He kissed you hair and you smiled sleepily.

“I still can’t accept your gift”, you continued your almost long-forgotten argument. Gwilym took in a deep breath and buried his face in your hair.

“I can’t argue with you anymore”, he mumbled, “I’ll accept any decision you make, Y/N”.

“Thank you”, you whispered. “But I love this house”, he chuckled at your words.

“I know. I did everything here like you love it. Just for you”.

You smiled lightly and hummed in response. “Wake me up in ten minutes”, you said leaning in closer to him. “I’ll be ready to continue till we get to the master bedroom”. Gwilym pressed a warm kiss to your shoulder.

“This is the master bedroom now”.

As you nodded off, feeling warm and safe in Gwil’s arms, you were beaming; when your mind was drowning in drowsiness, you felt a warm breath on your neck and heard Gwilym’s voice saying softly, “I love you so much, Y/N”. But you knew it was just a dream. Reality couldn’t give you something like this. Never.

                                         ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

rule №6. no contact with other sugar babies.

                                                December.

“When you’re gonna be home?”

You locked your phone after texting Gwil; you didn’t want to bother him, but it was Christmas Eve and you weren’t amused by spending it alone in his empty penthouse. He was called for work, and promised you to come back in three hours. The clock struck five in the evening. Gwil left at ten A.M.

You sighed deeply as you looked at the served table. You wanted to surprise him by cooking a festive dinner; it wasn’t like you were a chef, on the contrary – you couldn’t cook for shit. But, as you planned this thing, you googled some recipes and tried to cook something simple, but yet delicious. You had strange desire to be domestic with Gwilym – to cook food, do laundry, clean the house, and take kids from school… You didn’t even know when you first started imagining you two living a happy, suburban life in a pretty house with three children. Before Gwil you didn’t want kids. Now you were questioning all of your life choices. You were never able to have hook ups and not catch feelings. And this was certainly just a “hook up”, as you thought in the beggining. Only now it was much more.

“Soon, baby. I promise”.

His text gave you hope; his “soon” could be in ten minutes. You looked over the table in panic, quickly lighting candles. You ran to the nearest room; looking yourself up and down in the mirror, you twisted a ring on your index finger nervously. This green dress was exactly what Gwilym liked: it was tight, giving a perfect opportunity to observe all of your curves, and also very short. The color wasn’t exactly in the style of Christmas, but red lace lingerie underneath the dress was quite in the mood of the holiday. You knew Gwil would have gone crazy the second he came back home. He gave you  so much during those months and you just wanted to get him a pleasant reward; and you were also head over heels for him. That was pretty simple.

Suddenly you heard heels clattering on the marble floor of the living room; you frowned, trying to understand who was there. Was Gwil wearing heels? You wouldn’t be surprised at that. Or was it Gwil’s sister again? Not that you didn’t like her, you just wanted him all to yourself tonight; even though you weren’t against spending time with his family.

“Heather?” you called while heading back to the living-room.

It wasn’t Heather.

It was a girl in a coat and high-heeled ankle boots; her eyes were gleaming in the dark as she was reading the note she took from Gwil’s plate.

“Unwrap your gift”, she said; she raised her head and looked at you haughtily. “Who are you?”

“And you?” you asked in confusion. “How did you come in?”

“The door’s was open”.

“No, it was not”.

You stared at each other, trying to burn yourselves with your glares; you had a strong feeling that it was one of Gwilym’s other two sugar babies.

“I assume you’re Y/N”, she sat down at the table, at Gwil’s place. “You got a nice dinner here”.

“Thanks”, you squeaked. You already felt helpless and hopeless in front of her; she was this black-haired goddess with a sly grin on her face. She was confident. You weren’t like that. “That’s actually…” you were speaking quietly. “That’s for Gwil”.

She huffed. “Of course, it is. I’m Alice, if you don’t know that”, it felt like you were supposed to know her name and whom  she was. It seemed like she was the one who was supposed to be there. You suddenly felt really uncomfortable in her presence; her whole behavior was telling you to get out.

And here you were again. Feeling unnecessary, needless, unwanted.

“I’ve been with Gwil since I was twenty-three, like you are now”, she took a sip from the glass with champagne. “We’re having three-year anniversary this year”, she said with a smug smile.

“You sound like you’re dating”.

“We do”.

“No”.

The sound of his voice was something you craved for. It was like oxygen in the room with no windows and doors. It was like a light in the darkness.

“Daddy!” Alice jumped from her seat and beamed. Oh god, you already wanted to leave. She was looking at him so hungrily that you didn’t even know what you were doing there. You were an extra one. Unwanted. “You’re back! Y/N was just leaving”, she glared at you and raised her eyebrows, giving you a silent order. And you, with your zero self-esteem and very high level of shyness, obeyed.

“I’ve gotta go”, you muttered, heading to the door. Gwil, who stood not so far from you, immediately reached out and grabbed you by the wrist.

“Y/N, no. Please. Don’t go. Please”. He begged you to stay. Gwilym wanted you there, with him. You. Not Alice. The realization of it hit you suddenly, as you looked in his eyes.

You nodded, and he let go of your wrist, now intertwining his fingers with yours. “Alice is leaving”.

“Now, I’m not!” she tried to object, but Gwilym had none of her bullshit.

“You’re leaving. D’you remember what rule number five is about?”

Alice lowered her head and mumbled, “Never visit each other without calling beforehand”.

“Exactly. You broke it. Now you’re staying without your monthly supply. And getting the fuck out of my house”.

You could have sworn she muttered “Bitch” under her breath as she was passing by you. When she slammed the door, Gwil went to close it quickly; then he approached you and pulled you into a hug. “I’m sorry it happened”, he whispered.

“T’s alright”. You were silent for a moment. “I made you dinner; was afraid she’s gonna eat it”.

Gwil laughed and pulled away, his gaze fixed on you; “Did ya, really?” he sounded surprised. You smiled and nodded; then you took his hand and leaded him to the table. “Wow”, he gasped. “You didn’t have to, Y/N”, your gazes met and you smiled at him one more time, your eyes sparkling like diamonds.

“I wanted to, Gwil”.

He pulled you in a desperate kiss; it seemed as if he tried to show his whole affection and gratitude through it. “Thank you, baby”, he whispered against your lips. “I don’t deserve you”.

You rolled your eyes, ruining the moment and walked to your seat at the other side of the table. “Don’t start this”, you said, sitting down. Gwil chuckled as he took his seat; some seconds later you caught him staring at you.

“What’s for dessert?”

You looked at him with raised eyebrow and a smirk on your face. “You will find out later”, you winked at him.

                                                         ***

                                                        May.

“Y/N, stop apologizing. I’ve already told you everything’s alright”.

You couldn’t stop saying “Sorry” and nervously play with your hair the entire time you were sitting in your flat with Zoe; it was the first time you met each other and you were extremely anxious. She looked dazzling, like a star; she was smoking already a third cigarette in the last fifteen minutes.

“Alice’s the one who has to apologize, if to be honest”, she looked at you. “This bitch fed me with ugly lies about the sweetest person I’ve ever met”.

“Are you talking ‘bout me?”

“Absolutely”.

A small smile settled on your lips; Zoe was really sweet and nice, despite what you had been thinking about her. There was something charming, mysterious about her. You could certainly say why Gwil liked her, even if it broke your heart completely. “So, where were we?” Zoe asked.

“You were telling me about what Alice told you”.

“Oh right”, she nodded. “Alice has like a friend, a source in the company, where Gwil works. This “source” finds out everything about him, dunno how. This person told Alice about Gwil’s ex, Stefanie. I was fucking heartbroken after I heard that story”, she lit another cigarette.

“What’s about it?”

“Oh, Y/N, there’s so much. They were engaged, been together since school. Apparently, he loved her too much to notice that she started getting expensive jewelry and clothes. He believed every word she said, when she lied, telling she bought it herself. It turned out that she had three sugar daddies. And if he could forgive her just getting the money from them, he certainly couldn’t forgive her sleeping with all of them. It’s been like seven years since it happened and he’s still too eager to spoil us so much so that we wouldn’t even think about having someone else”.

You sat down on your couch, looking at Zoe in a state of complete shock. But she continued her story. “Gwil talks too much when he’s drunk; that’s how this source knows all of it”.

“You are his first sugar baby, right?”

Your question hung in the silence of the room. “Yeah. Been for four years”.

“And he never told you this?”

Zoe furrowed her brows and she took another drag. “No. We don’t talk about stuff like that. We usually just have some kind of small talk. He just gives me money-“

“In exchange for sex”, you interrupted her, voice thick with jealousy. Zoe chuckled.

“No. Not anymore at least”.

Your eyes widened at her words. “Why?”

Zoe shrugged her shoulders. “I dunno. He called it off several months ago, actually, with both me and Alice. He still gives us money, yeah, but nothing more than that. And if for the reason why – I think it’s ‘cause he’s just as in love with you as you’re with him”.

You gasped; you didn’t expect her to say something like that. You frowned and crossed your arms over your chest. “I don’t-“, you stuttered. “I’m not-“

“Yes, you are”, Zoe huffed. “Come on, Y/N, you know it’s true. He wouldn’t call off two opportunities to fuck whenever he wants just ‘cause he’s bored. No. There’s something more. He loves you, you dumb bitch”.

“He doesn’t, Zoe. He doesn’t and he never will”.

                                        ╰╮✾╭╯✯╰╮✾╭╯

You are awoken by a loud, non-stopping knocking on your door. You take in a sharp breath, struggling with getting up; your head is throbbing violently, as you stand up from the couch. It’s already dark outside; and you wonder how much time you have spent sleeping. Twelve hours? Fourteen? No matter how many of them – you are still sore, sad and hurt. Everything hurts so badly.

But you’re still wearing Gwil’s shirt. The feeling of its fabric on your skin makes you somehow feel better. Warmer. Makes feel a little bit alive.

The loud knocking proceeds as you walk towards the door. You think that it’s probably your mum coming to see you; you don’t answer your phone as you’ve been sleeping for so long.

When you open the door you expect to see a middle-aged woman with brown hair and angry voice, who’ll start lecturing you immediately as she always does. But your expectations are nothing compared to reality.

With red swollen eyes (like he’s been crying), messy hair and a backpack, which is slowly falling from his shoulder – that’s what  he looks like standing at your doorstep. You don’t understand why he’s here, what he needs from you. You look at him as if he was a ghost, a phantom, a shadow, that will disappear at any moment. You can’t believe he’s here.

“Gwil?”

________________________________________________________________

wtf just happend am I right haha

“alio” taglist:  @majesticdiscodeaky @heartsarecompatible @all-my-friends-are-german @magicwithaknife @longing-hiraeth @thelondondreamer5 @roger-taylors-drumsticks @runningoutofwordstosay @chlobo6 @you-and-i-deserve-the-world @queenficarchive @murydedeus03 @alis-volat-propriiis @deacycomics @hollandspcter @gwils-bitch   @crazylittlethingcalleddub-step @painthatiusedto @kaylaylaylayla @rogerinastolemyheart @broken-pieces 

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 3: They deserve to be heard too... well. Some of them.

Spoiler: Sans is finally here.

You are welcome. 

*Your POV*

After agreeing with Mr. Dreemur and W.D. Gaster, my work partners just watched them go, then they stared at me. Those looks, the hate in their eyes, and their whispers made me uncomfortable. When I'll be able to do something without being criticized.

But at that moment, I didn't care. I nervously laughed, then went to my office to take care of some business, that including the cleaning. It's not as bad as my apartment, but it's not the cleanest place in the world either. And that's how it went; cleaning and typing. Lots of fun, of course.

I arrived at my apartment and... I don't remember clearly what I did. Probably the basic. Or well, maybe not the basic, since I bet I didn't sleep that much.

'Cause after that nap I was eating fucking cereal at 5 am, not to say I was already showered.

"Stupid brain" I muttered, feeling tired yet excited. Today marks the day I sold my soul for the monsters and to show humanity that these creatures aren't freaks. Well, I'm not sure. I haven't met enough, after all.

After eating, I put some makeup in my i-want-to-die-but-not-yet face. Just a bit, since society asks for it. I really hoped it wasn't like this but, hey, I can't change everything! Besides, a lot of girls like makeup, so I feel obligated to at least look "presentable" in that aspect.

And then, my day started. At 5:15 am. Just great.

Since I'm just a young person who's still dealing with college, my money it's not enough to actually buy a car. But hey, I have a bike. And public transport. And that's what I picked.

The underground subway was somehow a quiet place, mostly because everyone's still craving for their beds. I strongly relate to these people, if I'm honest. Everyone's minding their own business, too tired to talk or to make a strong scene.

I silently put my headphones for a bit, listening to those classics of rock. Yeah. This is pretty much my life. Hell, even my ringtone is a rock song, that being "Sweet Child O' Mine" from Guns N' Roses. I was thinking to change it into something more... professional. Then I remembered that nobody should give a damn, so I shrugged it off.

A whole playlist was enough to make the trip more bearable, trying to not lose my adulthood on those legendary guitar solos or in Bon Jovi's wonderful voice. Those little yet powerful details on each song reminded me why I still had faith in this world. And the sign indicating my destination brought me back to reality. I sighed.

I walked a short distance and finally arrived at that living hell called the Congress. Being part of this greedy government it's completely out of my standards, but now, I wasn't regretting it at all.

I took a seat in the non-workers area, looking like I was a mad teenager coming to reclaim her rights. Except, that I was looking pretty calm and patient. I checked quickly my phone and see it was 6:10 am. Oh well. At least I can play Mario Run for a bit; it has been ages since I did.

While a simple yet pretty loading picture showed up on my screen, my mind only had one thought: "What if they decide not to show up?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Frisk's POV* (lol)

I was giving my hair the final touches when I heard Goat Mom shouting my name. I rushed down the stairs and met with everyone- well, almost everyone...

"SANS! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE IF YOU DON'T COME!" Papyrus screamed in a horrified voice, looking at the clock for the thousandth time.

"gimme a sec bro, k?" Sans answered lazily, not even making an effort to raise his voice.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID TEN MINUTES AGO!" Papyrus cried, again, looking at the clock.

And then Sans teleported, wearing the same freaking clothes.

"Are you serious?!" Undyne exclaimed, visibly angry for such a waste of time, then we all rolled our eyes when he just winked and shrugged it off.

"Now that we all are ready, let's go!" I exclaimed enthusiastically, carrying Flowey's pot while I tried to forget that episode with Sans "We are still in good time! We have exactly... HOLY COW! FIVE MINUTES?!"

"welp, shit" Sans muttered like it wasn't his fault, getting some glances from his brother.

"Let's run, then!" Undyne cried out, carrying Alphys and starting to run.

I ran after her, Papyrus with Sans in his shoulders following me. Hell, even Mettaton was running like crazy. We can't miss this opportunity; this is our only chance!

We ran between students and boring workers, most of them with a hint of hate in their eyes. However, there wasn't any time to feel intimidated. God. If humans weren't so inconsiderate, we could have just teleported thanks to Gaster's powers. But nope. They are not allowed to use any freaking magic.

Well, I shouldn't be thinking like this. I need to be positive for everyone's sake. But still, I feel confused. Is this what hormones do? But wait, they only act like this when you are- oh. I'm twelve years old. I somehow forgot.

We ran and ran until we arrived. "Congress", the sign read. The building had an old look, but it seems it was purposefully done that way. The place itself looked pretty boring, so I just secretly prayed to don't fall asleep.

The door was slammed open, and people's stares gave us an uncomfortable welcoming. Sans climbed down of Papyrus's shoulders, realizing how bad it looked.

"*About time you take things seriously" I signed to him, with a teasing smile on his face. He looked like he was about to give me the middle finger until a young lady approached us, with a kind smile on her face.

"Hello," she said sweetly, making me relax for a bit. "My name's (Y/N) (L/N), and I'll be the one helping you through this".

Oh, so she's (Y/N)? I never thought she would be THAT young. She's really pretty, I must say. Bright (e/c) eyes that match perfectly with her skin tone. (h/c) hair not too long neither too short. She was tall, yes, but not a giant. She looked really fine. I wish I look like that at my twenties.

"Hello, Miss (L/N)" My mom intervened my thoughts, bringing me back to reality. "I'm really pleased about your kind behavior. I just hope we won't bother you that much..."

"Nonsense!" she exclaimed with a cheery tone, trying to put any awkwardness aside "I am more than open to receiving all of you in my office. Just follow me, we'll discuss everything more privately upstairs".

She guided us to a place where two elevators remained. Since we were too many people, we had to divide into two groups. Lucky thing there were elevators in the Underground, so this wasn't anything new to anyone.

When she made sure everyone was on the fourth floor (asking us how many we were), she started to guide us through the hallway. Everyone was mumbling while looking at their surroundings, staring at some paintings of famous politicians. Well, I don't think they are that famous. I've only heard of them thanks to my history books and those cringy contests on TV. Like, knowing who was the president at 1895 doesn't make you the smartest kid in class. You are just a freak who talks too much with an old man, mostly being your grandfather.

Suddenly she stopped, then opened a door with the number '486' on it.

"You can come in now" She sighed sheepishly. Wonder why. "Let me know if there aren't enough seats".

The room was quite huge, actually. She had at least ten chairs in front of a dark chocolate desk, that had an intimidating and elegant seat behind it. That must be hers, that's for sure. She had a plaque with her name on top of her desk, a small glass with pens, and a Lenovo laptop. Strangely, she had no photos of her family.

It turns out we had enough seats for everyone, but we all couldn't be in front, so we ended up doing two rows. It looked like a really small cinema. One problem, though, was that Asgore couldn't fit comfortably on his seat.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Dreemurr?" (Y/N) asked worried, watching the embarrassing scene of Asgore shifting into multiple positions. Oh God, why me? Before he or anyone could answer though, she went for her fancy chair and started to move it.

"Oh, Miss (L/N), you don't need to-" He was cut off by the impotent seat in front of him, with a slightly panting girl a few inches away.

"You can seat here, Mr. Dreemurr" She smiled widely, probably 'cause of the King's shocked face. And yes, I just remembered I should think of him as the King. Then, (Y/N) took the other chair. "I'll sit on here, don't worry".

After making that move and putting the big chair in the center, she finally took a seat. She looked insecure for a brief moment but smiled anyway. That kind of reminds me of someone...

"Now that we are all settled up, I guess we can start" She stated. And with that, our talk began...

...

It was less boring than I thought. Yes, she asked us a lot of how life was in the Underground, but none of us seemed to mind. What we mind, though, was Sans's stupid puns which, surprisingly, made her giggle quietly. He seemed to notice this, so he kept them going. It's not like I don't like puns, but this was just too much. (Y/N) didn't seem to bother at any moment, though.

But, hey, everyone felt comfortable. She made some comments now and then, most of them full of irony and sarcasm. It was fun and for a moment we forgot about our problems. It just felt like meeting an old friend again, but that's impossible. I mean, I hadn't met her before, so... yeah.

But, as soon as the conversation started, it ended as well. Everyone shook hands with her, including me.

"*Are we going to see you tomorrow?*" I asked in signs, not thinking at all.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

"*Are we going to see you tomorrow?*" Frisk signed with a smile that immediately made me feel shivers down my spine. That's not something I see often, that's for sure. Frisk looked at me worried, though. Guess I did some expression that wasn't supposed to be there.

"...sure thing, Frisk," I said, way quieter than I wanted it to be. Quick, change your tone (Y/N)! "We have a lot of work to do, after all!"

She let out a sigh of relief, along with other few. It was a nice feeling. Knowing that they wanted to see me again made me ridiculously happy. And I didn't put it away.

We were already out of the elevator, on the main floor. The sun was setting, painting beautiful colors in the sky, like always. The thing is, monsters couldn't say that before. Heck, some even didn't get the chance to look at this. Whole generations, I bet.

"Miss (L/N), is it okay if we have your number?" Mr. Dreemurr asked, and smiled wider once he probably saw my shocked face. It just caught me so off of guard I didn't have the words. A short skeleton just smirked at my reaction, then I could finally talk.

"S-sure thing!" I exclaimed, which made the skeleton laugh. Just great, I'm being shamed by a skeleton shorter than I am. Way to go, (Y/N).

I reached for my presentation card, and with hesitation, I wrote down my personal number on the back. Wow, it's been ages since I've done that.

"Here it's my business number, and in the back, you can find... m-my personal number" I reluctantly said, knowing it sounded really weird. Why I wrote it down, again?

I looked away slightly, only to notice that skeleton smiling again. Oh no. I swear to God if he says anything weird, I'm going to-

"kinky" he chuckled, containing laughter. I want to kill myself so bad right now.

"SANS, WHAT'S KINKY?!" A taller skeleton asked, and I mentally cringed. And I quickly took note of that name, since it's familiar as fu- oh wait.

"Sans? Like, Comic Sans?" I asked bluntly, forgetting the whole other topic.

"oh, so now catching my name?" he joked with a wink, making me feel worse. "nah, just kidding. but, yeah, that's my name. it's 'catchy', isn't it?"

I sighed, while he just chuckled- again. This Sans guy is making me look bad. And Asgore just watched this whole scene. Great.

"Great! We can add you to our group chat, sweetie!" Mettaton (who I learned their name in the middle of the 'celebrity topic' conversation) winked. What's with the winks today? I feel like they are kink-shaming me (which it's probably what this guy and that skeleton are doing).

"And we'll just call you with the business number if it's something more serious" Mrs. Dreemurr added, obviously unaware of Mettaton's intentions. I gulped. I just hope he doesn't spam me with lewd stuff or something like that. Already happened at high school, and honestly, I feel like an immature teenager again.

Then they all gave their quick goodbyes. Some shooked my hands. Some hugged me. Some smiled. And others even cried.

"Thank you so much for giving us hope." A female (judging by her voice) skeleton said, sobbing quietly on my shoulder. I froze in shock, but I eventually returned the hug.

"It's no problem, believe me" I muttered softly, while a soft smile made its way to my face. "After all, you deserve to be heard too".

[sweetpxsin]

Park Jihoon || Fuckboi

I wanted to try a new way of writing theses imagines and I lowkey hope its good ^^’’’’

I’m also open for request if you have any❤️

*Firstly obviously is probably pretty popular in your whole class, matter of fact whole school

*Legit every guy, girl and teacher knows who the hell Park Jihoon is

*I mean he’s literally part of student council and everything he says goes

*Also is pretty notorious from making girls think they have a chance with him

*But still they can’t hate him so like that matters, just his little jeojang can heal their “Broken hearts”

*He literally thinks every girl has been or is in love with him because of his adorable charms and talents.

*That was till one day he noticed you never reacted to him at all, Like he can literally enter a room and everyones eyes will be on him with the occasionally yell of JIHOON OPPA

*matter of fact your little annoyed face that showed every time he was near you, kind of interested him.

*Cause he’s literally got his head up his ass and thinks it’s weird you haven’t fell for his charms (I’m sorry Jihoon Stan’s he sounds like a douche bag now but I’ll make it better just wait)

*He wanted to get to know you better but he didn’t know how to so he swooned one of your friends again and broke their heart when he realized it wasn’t gonna get him anywhere

*But that was the 5th friend of yours that cried over Jihoon and you had just about enough of this punk

*So one day during lunch you went up to his table and grabbed him by his collar and said

*”Break one more of my friends heart and you can save my fist hitting your face in our heart.” And you left like boss

*Oh and Jihoon he was SHOOK LIKE NEVER IN HIS LIFE WAS HE SO SHOOK, but he couldn’t help but smirk while watching you leave

*And so from that point on he literally made it his MiSsiON to get to know you.

*SO the next day he literally sits next to you in every class he has with you and your like

*UuHHm can you like not and you were annoyed for most of the day but honey this ain’t the end of it.

*he’d start to act super sweet with you since like the whole school is literally in love with the sweet Jihoon

*he’d get a little irritated though that you’re not falling for his charms but he’ll keep going CAUsE WhO KnOW hOW TO QuIT

*He’ll still kept up his sweet tactics and even stopped messing around with girls JuST FoR YoU

*literally helps you in class if he sees you're struggling to grasp a concept

*Might just even carry your books for you

*Sweetly asks you for some advice with student council but only for “the better of the school”

*He would still be trying to sit next to you in class if he got the chance too he’ll leave you cute little notes. Like legit the CutEST

*”I’m not playing twix when I say you're perfect for me” Rip at Jihoon if you dislike twist

*”I wanna be a superhero so can I be your man?”

*”I heard you were sick I think you're lacking vitamin me.”

*lol rip those weren’t even cute

*ANYWAYS to be honest you kinda found them pretty cute but hella cringy at the same time

*You also noticed how he stopped flirting with literally every single girl he saw so you thought your threat finally got to fix his act. Lol nope

*But you weren’t gonna put your guard down just yet not matter how nicely he was treating you

*Oh and Jihoon noticed and was lowkey about to give up on you but decided to bring sexy manly Jihoon to the table to melt away all your second thoughts lmfao what am I saying

*So basically one day you were just walking in the hall like a normal person and like Jihoon’s walking too but like walking towards you but not really cause he got places to be too

*You were gonna just walk pass him but NOOOOO Jihoon gotta be a lil fuck boi

*He kinda like brushes past you and grabs your hand before whispering “Since I just can’t make you mine, I’ll save you in my heart instead”

*And he doesn’t just say it in his normal Jihoon boy voice no it’s his Jihoon hit puberty hello sexy velvety smooth voice

*Afterwards he just kinda leaves you AND yOUR LiKE ShoOKE

*You even looked back at him before shaking it off and heading to class

*Of course that wasn’t the end of it though.

*When you were at your locker and you were about to leave. Jihoon would slam your locker shut and spin you around and pin you against it looking k you straight in the eye

*”There’s just something about you that I can’t figure out.” He’d be mostly saying that to himself but you like hearing his “manlier voice”

*He’d stare at you a bit frustratedly and you couldn’t help but enjoy the visuals cause like “Wowowohaveyouseenjihoon”

*Once he’d notice how much you’re staring he’ll smirk and lean in a little closer.

*”Hey come to one of my practices I wouldn’t wanna miss your pretty face.”

*He’s so close you think he’s going to kiss you but he kisses your forehead and just leaves que shooketh reader pt.2

*so you go out of curiosity and sit the corner with a small group of people also watching them dance.

*your lowkey starting at Jihoon in the mirror and he catches your gaze and smirks and winks at you

*will occasionally look your direction and if he catches you staring he’ll smile or make a silly face at you

*bascially at the end of practice he started teasing the shit out of you but eventually slipped a peice of paper in you hand before leaving with his friends

*btw the a paper had his number on it

*soooo you both start texting each other and Jihoon has named you as his favorite and his baby girl

*honestly he calls you baby girl so much he’ll forget your name sometimes , like what was your name again lmfao

*honestly you knew you started to fall of Jihoon you were just to stubborn to acknowledge it

*but when you became the only girl he’d mess around with it melted away your worries slowly but you were still on that never trust/fall for a fuckboi thing.

*BUT HONEY DID JIHOON CHANGE

*like he honestly cares more about how you think of him than his own grade

*like honestly all this lil fuckboi needed was a girl that just made his thoughts run wild and made him feel like he truely had feeling for them

*whoops I got off topic BUT ANYWAYS one day Jihoon saw Seongwoo trying to flirt with you and once he saw how you were smiling and reacting

*on came the jealous overprotective Jihoon instincts

*he’d honestly be to jealous to think and say something you weren’t meant to hear BUT HE JUST WANTED TO ACT COOL IN FRONT OF HIS BABY GIRL

*”Hey hyung I thought I made it clear she’s mine.”

*seongwoos face would just contort into a little smirk before he looks at you and leaves

*only than would he understand the situation and start to freak out

*”H-hahaahah I didn’t mean that.”is a literal mess please save this boy

*”aw really I though you’d like me back after how hard you’ve been trying.”

*”pshhhh me like you whaaa-WAIT NO NO NO DID YOU JUST CONFESS???”

*”well since you do-“

*honestly He’d be to excited to know you like him and would probably end up cutting you off by kissing you.

*”you honestly have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that.”

*”your so weird

*”I’ll save this moment in my heart”

*”Park Jihoon-“

*”shhh I know I love you too.”