#i just might not be here liveblogging even though it's so fun to see everyone reacting on the dash | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nono-bunny · 3 days ago

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Thank Starkid for uploading VHSCC to Youtube, albeit temporarily, because their site doesn't work for me so I couldn't buy it or any other digital ticket (including Cinderella's Castle for which I was a kickstarter 🥲) and I'm so glad I can still watch it now!!

Anyway here are my thoughts/liveblogging post from watching! I didn't think to do this until I reached the second part and realized I had a lot to say so everything about the new material is retroactively written

I. Hate to say it, but I can't remember a single new song. One reason I love VHSCC so much is because it only took me one watch to remember the songs, they're incredibly catchy and iconic... And the new ones did nothing to me.

In general I didn't really vibe with the new material? I think it's important to note that I don't celebrate Christmas, like, it's not even the main wintertime holiday of where I live so inherently theres a level of disconnect for me with that angle, but I still find some Christmas stories charming- case in point, I genuinely love A Christmas Carol! I know these two stories outside of the lens of Christmas- I'm fairly certain I heard a different holiday version of Gift of the Magi as a kid, and I had the book of The Little Matchgirl as a kid and didn't uh. Really touch it after reading it once because I found it senselessly sad. So like? I'm familiar with these stories, but this version of them really didn't hit me in the way I think they're meant to or in the way the original versions do. I didn't really find Gift of the Magi touching or funny, which I feel like is what they should've gone for at the end, and I felt... Nothing with Little Matchgirl, which surprised me because I was fully prepared to cry.

Actually it. Felt really preachy while also somehow being just completely empty of meaning to me? Little Matchgirl in particular. Idk. The tragedy of it just... Completely failed to land for me when Clark immediately starts singing about uh. Activism essentially? It's like, bro, you didn't even give me enough time to process it or to get sad before you just started preaching at me??? Idk, I just. Really didn't like it. Clark's parts in general were the worst parts of the new material in my opinion, which surprised me, because I did like them in Christmas Carol! Idk, it might be a matter of the stories being too short, so it feels intrusive for the detached narrator to cut in to fill in blanks that weren't there or to hammer down the message, instead of letting the characters and story do it themselves.

I genuinely don't enjoy shitting so hard on the new stuff, but. I didn't really like them and kinda just wanted them to be over so I could watch a show I knew I DID like. I don't think it was all bad, I mean, the acting was fun and everyone's obviously mad talented, but in terms of musicality and story, which are the two things I really loved about Christmas Carol, it felt like a big step down for me. Also, I did like how Scrooge was just. There though, that was really funny

OK! Moving on! From here on its probably gonna be way more positive lmao because I love VHSCC and this is it now!

The smaller cast feels weird with how big the OG one was, in general the different casting is gonna be interesting. The stages configuration is a pretty big difference, but it does feel like, intimate which was probably really fun in person, and I like how they're playing around with it! I'm also less of a fan of this screen so far, it basically added nothing but uh. We'll see ig

Scrooge actually screeching after Clark narrating him doing it was a fantastic addition lmao. It caught me (and seemingly the audience!) so off guard and it was hilarious!! AJ has generally been way less physical than Dylan so far, which I kinda missed, but ngl he completely won me over with that one lmao

Meredith is so pretty, she's nailing it!! As I knew she would but. Still felt noteworthy lol

OK ngl given how Jaime was just. Not in the first half but still credited I was 100% sure she was not gonna be there physically, just through the screen similar to Ali in the OG, so I was actually really fucking surprised when she came out??? Where were they hiding her for the entirety of the first half!!! Travesty!!!

God the spirits are just as attractive a year later (two technically by the time of me watching this, but shh), they're SO good. A stark contrast to Clark's awful wig, actually, my god what is up with that thing???

Fuck yeah, physical chains!!

I wonder why they changed some of the interstitial lyrics? I mean, the snore was hilarious, but this isn't the first change and the previous one didn't have a comedic element added in.

The new choreography is excellent, I'm actually really happy with the stage for facilitating these changes

I'm sorry Curt is too much of a sweetheart and I'm really having a hard time buying him as post-money Scrooge lmao. He eats the singing though! Brian did too, but weirdly enough only on stage and not in the recorded version lmao

Janaya is fr so talented, I'd love to see her in other Starkid stuff!

I miss Corey. Unrelated to where I'm at in the musical rn but I forgot to mention it at the start. Brian is just. A completely different Fred and it feels weird

Best song incoming! VHSCC is what made me fall in love with James- it was the first time I saw him in a bigger role, and I can't wait to see him in Cinderella's Castle

Just wanna clarify: Brian's Fred is still fun, he's just like, different from Corey's? He's more... Sarcastic, if that makes sense?

Every year that goes by makes Brian playing Tiny Tim funnier

Thief Brian is giving Junior vibes lmao

I knew about Della and Jim replacing the gay couple so that wasn't surprising, but a nice cameo nonetheless, especially with how Scrooge bought Jim's watch lmao

Okay the "screen" aka what seems to be a sheet of fabric being projected onto is just. Completely pointless and useless aside from minor ambience. Not only have they lost the VHS aesthetic it had, the actually fun and cool effects just don't seem to be possible with it and it sucks

I do love the rest of the vast staring at and then dragging Scrooge down, that was cool

Is. Is that the ghost of the Little Match girl orrrr...? Are we dealing with an AU situation? I mean, the Della and Jim resolution doesn't necessarily conflict with what we saw and is very sweet too but. This sure raises some timeline questions lol

Matching uncle and nephew sunglasses 🥰

I wish more Starkid shows included the curtain calls, those are always so fun and they feel important to recreate the feeling of watching live theater, even through a screen.

Anyway, I'm done watching now! Final thoughts? Might warm up to the first half upon rewatching (not like it hasn't happened to me with some shows before!), but initially I'm not the biggest fan. I can't say that this rendition of a Christmas Carol is better, but it's absolutely not worse either, and honestly that's all I wanted really. It was still tons of fun, and I liked it a lot! There's for sure a disconnect between the two halves though- heck, even between the two stories in the first half- and they feel... Too different to me, so I can't exactly say doubling the length was exactly... Worth it? One advantage of the OG is that it's short, which results in me frequently rewatching it, and this doesn't really have the same advantage, especially not considering I'll probably only really wanna rewatch the second half Anyway... Regardless, I still wish I could've paid them to watch this last year, it sucks that their site just. Doesn't work for me, so I'm glad that they made it accessible for me here. And now I'm eagerly awaiting Cinderella's Castle!

#starkid #team starkid #vhs christmas carols #vhs christmas carol #vhscc

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hottakehoulihan · 3 months ago

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"My Hero Academia", otherwise known as "Boku No Hero Academia" or BNHA, is a story about a world where EIGHTY PERCENT

(what the fuck)

of people get a super power.

In Worm (the story that matters. ...but I'm trying to be nice here and to have an open mind) powers end up with about one person in FOUR THOUSAND.

(oh, and for those of you on the outside? Wildbow has brain problems when it comes to math and numbers. I sympathize.)

Right, so I'm liveblogging this shit.

I mean stuff.

I'm five minutes in. Holy holy fuck but the dub is unendurable I had to stop and websearch to figure out how the new version of Crunchyroll lets you switch to Japanese language (which might also suck but I'm insulated by not actually knowing the language very well)

Somehow people are treated as being special for their powers even though....like everyone has them?

At least in "The Slime Tamer Goes On A Journey To Pick Up Trash" (or whatever it's called) it wasn't treated as unusual when a hugely normal thing was hugely normal.

Yeah; already I'm seeing some major logical flaws. Right now we've got a "Spiderman" fighting a "Big stompy" who is raging because he (I feel bad for him already) was stealing a *purse* and got cornered and ended up entering big stompy changery form.

Good luck to him, I wish. But I don't think it'll happen. I need alcohol for this. I might have a problem.

--------

Nope. Before spidey's web could wrap the big guy up some other giant butt-lady jumped in and KO'd him. Looks like villains are an exception to the post-scarcity situation.

Episode one, and the biggest, stupidist, most unforgivable flaw is this "80%" bullshit.

Okay, classroom scene and...well the kids are all prima-donnas and maybe that's power-related but I think it's just because they're kids.

This series would at least pass the "guess who the protagonist is" test. Because the protag is no more odd-looking than anyone else.

That wasn't praise, but it wasn't a damn either.

I am NOT gonna judge how quality the drawing or animation is, BTW. That would be unfair. Even though the fan-animations Worm has (including "A Completely Normal Amy...") are better. Because Wildbow is a writer not an animator or sketching artist.

We're just looking at the story here, folks.

(Except for me, alas.)

(Sorry. I really don't want to hatewatch this.)

(There's a spiky-headed blonde guy being framed as a villainous hero-wannabe and...I bet our hero will be best friends with him eventually.)

No seriously, if only two out of ten don't have powers, why is it that ANYBODY is revered as amazing? That's like being amazed at people who can put their hair in a bun!

Thing is? 80% is also flawed because it's too SMALL. Boyo is treated as special at the moment because he didn't get anything, but that's also absurd given how he's in the 20%. That's like being "Whoah! A boy!? With BLUE EYES!? Fuuuuck. Wildbow's struggles with numbers are small potatoes compared to this stuff. ...and this stuff? Had a team of editors and assistant writers working on it.

Fail. Sauce.

But no. I must be strong and give it a chance and try to like it.

Boyo is crying because he isn't getting powers. Well. It does suck to learn you rolled a ...shit, we don't even have a good metaphor for a this. This ain't rolling a one on a 20-sided die. This isn't snakeeyes. This is more like getting a spade when you wanted any other suit and no game works like this.

Bleh.

He's getting tentacle-violated and I'm bored.

I have watched every Urotsukidoji movie ever made. This is unlike me.

A new hero has stopped it before it happened. I won't bother remembering them. They won't come up again. So to speak.

I'm not wired to care much about porn, but...shota ain't my thing and I can't remember the plot of Boku no Piko. And

No, actuallly I'm having fun now. Some goofy hero has the power to suck people into small bottles and imprison them. And before the protag can ask for an autograph, he finds out he's already got one. That's actually cute.

This is 100% the best part of this episode. It's pretty great.

This is a goofy gag anime like Love After The End Of The World or something.

And...the first episode doesn't count.

Nothing I've said so far counts.

Because the story hasn't started yet, really.

And this isn't the same genre as Worm no this is a gag anime. Like "Love At The End Of The World" (bad camel-case but I'm drinking and IDC) (Also it's called 'Proper Case" in this context)

Okay, episode end. Still bored, but I know from pre-reading the Wikipedia analysis that this weird boring hero will give powers to the kid-protag maybe?

#HHH.txt #HHH on BNHA

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thisisevenharderthannamingablog · 5 months ago

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Well that was entertaining. Liveblogging notes for episode 1 below.

Lot of mirrors in this scene (often signpost deception). Kinn is executing a "betrayer," is there other stuff happening here? Opening scenes set up both characters at ease in their respective domains. Porsche has everyone at the bar eating out of his hand. Kinn is in control in the scene with the Italians (at least for the moment). Otherwise a study in contrasts and unbuttoned shirts.

And now presumably the Italians are trying to kill Kinn. Big, WTF I thought you were supposed to be the competent one? J/k I've been spoiled for this whole show and I feel bad for him and now he's gotten shot. Motorcycle guys not messing around. Kinn is a pretty good shot though? I like that perspective spin on the hallway!

Porsche, meanwhile, is having an excellent evening which gets very exciting. And lucrative!

The hairstylists on this set must have had fun arranging those stray wisps just right on Mile.

15 minutes into this, and Kinn's watching him ride off like Cinderella leaving the ball at midnight. All the bodyguards pull up like "oh thank god you're okay, we aren't going to get killed for failing at our job."

The Kittisawat house looks nice! Thank you for the slow pan, I love examining set dressing details. House plants, knick-knacks, and family photos. This is not the bachelor den one might expect from a household headed by a 23-year-old bartender/street fighter; someone has standards. Porsche's otherwise excellent evening has been dampened. Family has money troubles, can either pay school or rent - or, implied, food - but not all three.

Uncle lost all his money on CRYPTO? I was not expecting that. Everybody in this family is lying to each other, yikes.

More fancy camera angles! Character establishment! Porsche is a badass but he's also fighting a losing battle against The System to keep his little brother housed and fed. Bro's shirt says "today is a good day" in case we didn't realize that he is Innocence personified in all of this.

How does Uncle know where to move stolen watches? Kinda sus. Seriously Porsche you won't let your brother have a beer? The internet tells me that the drinking age in Thailand is 20.

Halfway point. Kinn's dad is doing pottery and giving Kinn a hard time. Kinn appears determined to keep handling the Italians his own way, and also to find Porsche.

Wait, Porsche is still in school TOO? At least occasionally? Also he is a brat. Also maybe don't give your friends' names as yours to Mafia people, dude. I mean, you were obviously lying, but still.

Uh-oh, busted. Kinn is way too amused about this whole thing. LOL we get it you are in fact high-class Mafia. Porsche is out of his depth and knows it. Not too high-class for straight-up threats.

This has to be the weirdest recruitment pitch I have ever seen. Just saying you could have gone with the money first rather than the kidnapping? Good on Porsche for not taking this bullshit lying down. Good on Kinn for being willing to get messed up. Good on Porsche for fighting dirty. Kinn what is your angle here?

Wait this was KORN's idea? Because Korn is thinking a bodyguard who can't be bought might be valuable? Kinn looks so thoroughly annoyed LOL.

Porsche's day keeps getting shittier as he has escaped but the house is busted up and rather than paying off their debts Uncle lost their money gambling. Uncle is a real asshole? Porsche is in a bind.

Chay is crying. :(( Porsche is crying. :((((( Oh no. This is great, you can see Porsche's terrible decision coming a mile away. More lying! Fantastic!!

Porsche has been there a hot minute and Big is already like "I do NOT get paid enough for this." Unfortunately for him both of the Theerapanyakuls appear to appreciate a gutsy smartass. Kinn is perplexed by whatever his father is up to? Korn seems satisfied. Love me a symbolic chess game.

#b watches kinnporsche #ktps

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vynegar · 1 year ago

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anniv3 card liveblog dump. updated as i go. spoiler warning!

luke

i’m gone TT (it’s actually all still pretty fluffy and sweet. barely a hint of angst)

YEAHHHHHHHHHH HIGH SCHOOL!ROSA MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ah i forgot to show you guys her new outfit in this card, she’s v cute, i’ll screenshot after this flashback scene)

agh. this expression. always so cute TT rosa it is an honor to be able to play as you 🫡

a;dlfjadkl okay i know the card wasn’t hitting (yet) but like. now with the new bgm i’m really feeling something :’) perhaps we will be budgeting for anniv3 after all

HADFJA;LDKJF;LAKJERLAJLEKRJAKLE

omg poetry reference. truly the bread and butter of this blog’s analyses

ok the interactions: i mean, they’re nice. the animation is very fluid and there’s definitely more motion and more variety than in normal card art animations (though those have been advancing over the years too!) lol i think the knowledge of how purely-fanservicey this is kinda limits how excited i get over this part

overall: i mean it’s a good card but doesn’t make me lose my mind over it like luke’s previous anniversary cards; like this is closer to the caliber of a birthday or top-up card. nothing necessarily bad about it but... i think the most emotion i felt was because the combination of a new bgm (or at least new to me) + high school era lukerosa which i have a soft spot for.

anyway. off to watch vyn’s, which is my last hope for this anniversary really delivering on the card stories :’) also based on my quick glance at his interaction video they might have fixed the piano keys...?? BIG if true

ahhh almost forgot the keepsake!!

BIGHEAD ROSA!!! ahh i was wanting to draw her but mhy beat me to it lol

vyn

omg already >100 comments on his video. yes. my brethren. we are all broke and watching the video instead of getting the card 🤝

55 other people are watching the video literally right now. hell yeah

omg. they really did fix the piano keys XDDDDDDD

me trying to zoom in on the sheet music. LET ME PLAY IT

wow. reference to a very famous and iconic vyn card moment in this story. hint it has to do with water

what the fuck dude extreme weather even showing up in the tot cards TTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

whoaaaa okay worldbuilding: svart has its own language i guess? there are labels written in it, and the narrative calls it svart language and not like english or french or whatever

i think a fun thing about backgrounds being reused is that everyone probably has different scenes that they most strongly associate each background with. for me, this is the winery from food for thought. vyn infodumping about how to cultivate wine grapes. mixing wine with sprite. that’s MY reference to a previous vyn card for this story

VYN HAD HIS MOTHER SEND OVER THE PIANO FROM HIS CONFESSION AS THEIR MOVING IN GIFT????????????

VYN WROTE THE SHEET MUSIC!! NEON MELODY CALLBACK????? (HUGE WIN FOR ME PERSONALLY)

ok only halfway through the card rn but i Need to sleep. back tmrw to finish this and to watch marius’s (even though i’ve barely seen any of this recent cards... whoops)

WAAAAAAAAIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT HOLY SHIT THIS FUCKS SO HARD ACTUALLY??? THIS REFERENCE THEY’RE DOING?? WITHOUT STATING IT OPENLY AAAAAAHHHH THIS IS SO POWERFUL TTT

ok here’s vyn’s illustration. wet rain-soaked little meow meow

rosa forgetting about the instant noodles she’s cooking. just like me fr

hmmmm kinda criminal that they’re supposed to be playing piano here and the bgm is one of the ones that DOESN’T have piano

ok yeah they definitely fixed the piano keys. just compare this to the original anniversary PV you’ll see. NOW FIX THE SSS CARD SYSTEM NEXT

one comment saying the sheet music is liebestraum which i was kinda also suspecting since structure is very similar but some of the measures don’t match up exactly (at least not against the copy of sheet music i have). however, the section behind vyn’s right shoulder is pretty much measure 25 and the part behind his left shoulder is close to m35-36. (which... is not a song that vyn wrote xDDD we’ll say he’s alluding to or remixing it for their purposes)

you’re telling me his hand accidentally hits the piano and there’s a “pleasing sound”??? he’s falling backwards onto it and playing chords???

ok back to checking the sheet music (my priorities are exactly where they should be)

i think the two sheets here (behind his left shoulder and under his left hand) are the same page (which we said before was m35-36). it’s the only place in the song where the key signature change looks like that (in the upper right; it’s definitely the sharps pattern and not the flats) and the following sections match as well. so i think that pages goes like this:

line 1: m34-36 (and key change where five sharps are made natural)

line 2: m37-m39

line 3: m40-m42

line 4: m43-44 (not sure if that last note should have a slur tho)

it was kind of throwing me off earlier since some of the chords that would be octaves didn’t seem far apart enough on the card art, but maybe it’s a combo of perspective + shrunk down + artistic license

ok i can’t rly find a keepsake investigation video yet and i’m still just watching the interaction in the bg but this card is fine. i know i got really excited at one point but it’s because i’m especially interested in the plant motif (still have not fully stated what the exact reference was bc i’m sure i’ll point it out later). so far the cards feel like nice top-up cards (since those always make sure to have spicy/fanservice-y parts) that are trying hard to reference previous events. i checked the comments of BOTH vyn and marius videos and there was someone (different people!) asking which of the cards had a better story (because what they’d seen so far was disappointing).... does NOT bode well ufnfortunately

edit: i will say that these even feel a bit worse than top-up cards since those usually try to grapple with substantive potential issues in the relationship, while these anniv3 cards don’t. also still haven’t watched marius’s yet but yamashina jin just translated artem’s card and even she’s disappointed by the writing quality so like... widespread disappointment i suppose 😔

marius

ok yeah this is a very good continuation/evolution of the idea from tideborne romance. unfortunately i was also meh on that card

omg... marius is gonna make himself the present isn’t he....

OKAY THERE’S AT LEAST ONE (1) THING I LOVE ABOUT THIS CARD 🥺🥺 (doesn’t even get a mention in the story it’s just a visual easter egg in the bg)

artem

halfway through pt 2 and i’ve figured out how to describe how i’m feeling. you remember marius’s 1st birthday card when they were just kinda doing random things to fill up time in the plot? it’s kinda like that. (though it doesn’t have the weird ooc-ness of that card and it’s not as long)

the bear from his bday event and the eyemask from wandering heart!! actually maybe my favorite part of these cards will just be the little easter eggs in them

ok so after the “reveal” of what artem is Actually up to, i do like the card more. i really like what his true plan, i just kind of dislike how MC is kept in the dark again. it’s not even bad this time around, like it’s very much a cute surprise between lovers, but i think that stuff in his engagement left a bad taste in my mouth about it and i didn’t want to see it again lol. also, i feel like it would have been cute if mc was the one to propose moving in together (just a random thought since for all the these, it was p much the LI bringing it up)

ok this is one of the better illustrations for anniv3 cards tho.

alright. finished the card. umm nothing more to say xDDD

on the keepsakes tho; these genuinely fuck so hard. also artem's a protective charm from cloudbreak temple and red beans and he recites The Lines again.... literally why can’t we have this kind of energy in the actual card story TTTTT

#tot liveblog

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halt-kun · 2 years ago

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Hunter x Hunter Chapter 192 - Human Dog

let’s pick up a bit on the liveblog

So we can see Gn’s jajanken clearly did some damage

Rammot really vomited blood everywhere

It’s really satisfying to see

With this title I clearly now where we’ll end up urghhh

You clearly need a psychiatrist in your nest

Like they need healthier ways to deal with anger outbursts or strong emotions

Colt is able to enforce his authority thank god

A rift is being created in the ant nest

Cheetu was written Djido in french, I get it, they might not have made the link with the english name, it’s called a “guépard” in french

I really don’t get people who enjoy hunting, like can’t we have a ant that just enjoys taking pictures of humans on their free time

That’d be fun

Hagya is clearly a hedonist and only focuses on what brings him pleasure

Cheetu is more logical at least

TRUE

there is a bunch of humans even in the little country you’re in

probably one of the most abundant species among the macrofauna

I’m wondering if the feline parts of Cheetu and Hagya are responsible for their enjoyment of the hunt. It probably mixed with the human personality too

Hagya is a liar

If only Rammot could die right now

Colt really wants an oligarchy

I agree that if most people just act selfishly, it’s really annoying to find a common ground

but still a lot of opinion is always better

Colt is also not a fool, he knows you weren’t very serious, he’s just not calling you out in front of everyone

They’ve already organized a work rotation system

NICE

Colt is a nice guy

Who’s dead ?

OH NGL soldiers

one of them got crushed

ouch

I really love open spaces in Hunter x Hunter

I would love to eat with some friends here

too bad there are deadly ants and soldiers around

Yep it’s no an ants nest

This is a MINECRAFT BASE

beware of the miner here, very dangerous

They make drugs yep

I’m trying to imagine the quiproquo I could get if some of my friends took this drug

Me : “What do you mean you want some D²”

Him: Well, I’ve kinda been missing it lately, I don’t have enough money”

Me : “WHAT ?!? Since when do you go to sex workers ?”

Him: “UHHH! I usually go to my dealer”

Me : “you HAVE SEX with your dealer ?!? Is he hot ?”

Him: “What, no it’s just for the drugs”

Me : “You have sex for drugs ? Aren’t you and your boyfriend monogamous too ?”

...

ANYWAY

This is so sad

Of course NGL wasn’t the happy nature reserve they advertised.

Still sad

all these clueless people

Kite En is impressive

I like when skills vary a bit from mental or physical fatigue

I’d probably never be able to train En, I’d be overwhelmed by the sensitive input. I could definitely train it in my apartment though or in a field and feel the little insects all around.

Let’s talk about all basic and advanced nen techniques then

Ten : pretty chill to train, I’d probably do it all the time

Ren : I wouldn’t enjoy it as much but a few times a week, no problem, definitely tiring

Zetsu : I’d love to train it, erasing my presence and making my aura disappear

Hatsu : I just need a glass of water and Ren so a few times a week would be cool

Gyo/Ryu : I’d probably do it all the time, like moving your aura around seems fun

Ken : I like to do the plank and it seems to be similar so I guess I’d enjoy doing it

Shu : Maybe sometimes with some objects but it wouldn’t be very regular

In : Pretty fun to train I bet, like Zetsu

I forgot this was next

ASSHOLE your treatment of dog is horrible, if you think this is how we treat dog you’re really lower than the lowest of scum

DOGS are GOOD BOYS

and puppy play needs mutual consent too you sicko

It was also supposed to be a trap for nice people, really rotten ants here

Poor Gon

Kite is right, you don’t have the luxury to be sentimental here

Poor guy, I hope he didn’t suffer too much

Centipede and Mosquito time

Thanks Kite, immediately estimated who was the strongest and how to fight efficiently

I won’t be sad when you die you assholes

There is a limit to who I want to be empathetic with and you’ve reached it

I’ll probably do a little break and continue later today

#hxh c192 #hxh liveblog #hxh manga

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real-life-senshi · 2 years ago

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Happy new year, everyone! In trying to think about my 2023 goals for this blog, I had to look back on how I did in 2022, which had me realize 2022 had been a year of progress and brand-new content on this blog! This means I have many things I need to keep track of and work to continue on, and I had to go through my blog to do some record keeping. This led to me writing this 2022 highlight.

1. Continuation and expansion of PGSM Liveblogs!

In addition to completing the liveblog of Act 14 - Act 17, on Feb 26, 2022 I also woke up at 3am to liveblog PGSM's Director Suzumura Live Guest Talk with Komatsu Ayaka! What a blast that was! And I can totally die happy knowing I was able to actually interact with Ayaka (PGSM Minako) through the live chat!

Using the live chat as a catalyst, I fully dove into doing some fan-translation work as well. In addition to completing a translation on the aforementioned guest talk, I also started doing more detailed translations embedded in my analysis and general liveblogging.

Then, out of nowhere in September, Sawai Miyuu started doing a live broadcast of PGSM viewing party, a hilarious and fun time where she rewatches PGSM, and we audience get to see her live reaction and interact with her! (And she actually reads and speak some English too!)

2. More Fanart

I haven't done too much fanart, my long-time followers knows drawing takes much more time for me since I don't do it enough. Still, 2022 featured some of my best pieces so far!

My personal favourite is Reinako in onesies! The Nako Nako took me forever to figure out how to draw! Additionally, I had my first time drawing something a bit smutty. I also discovered transparent art on Tumblr, and it is my new favourite thing to work on! (Though challenging to figure out.)

I can say without a doubt my latest art that celebrates the anniversary of PGSM Final Act has been the best I've done so far, and I am still incredibly proud of it! I experimented with so many things making this piece - format, composition, layering (& the transparency), coloring, etc. It was also my first time drawing Makoto, Ami, Usagi, Princess Sailor Moon, Mercury, and Jupiter in such detail!

3. More Reinako

Of course, there can never be too much Reinako! In fact, my love for Reinako colours everything I do - even when liveblogging and making fanart. :D

2022 saw me making NINE Reinako gif set in a year, an all-new high! 6 of them are from the new series(?) I started called PGSM Reinako Things I want to Yell About, which basically is just me talking about all the things PGSM does that make me love Reinako and me analyzing the shit out of the smallest hint I can see, because I have zero self-control.

4. Fanfic Writing

2022 also got me back into writing for 4 months, where I've successfully rewritten 8 chapters of my old unfinished story - Echoes of Times. I hit a slump again in April and only wrote a paragraph here or there since... :( But the fact I've written more than I've ever done is a great sign that I can indeed get back into it!

Hopes for 2023

So it’s been proved that I’m not someone that can stick to a “new year resolution” at all, so instead, I’m gonna share what I HOPE to do and see where that takes me.

I will definitely continue liveblogging. This includes keeping tabs if Director Suzumura might invite any other PGSM cast member to his guest talk, and also joining Miyuu's viewing party where possible! I'd also like to see if I can get my PGSM rewatch liveblog to progress into Darkury Arc within the year! I'd be too ambitious to say finishing the arc, since that's over 10 episodes away, but I def want to get into episodes in the 20s.

Keep writing fanfiction! And actually start publishing the rewritten chapters onto AO3! (I will upload on FF.net as well). Year after year I say this, but I would LOVE to publish a new chapter...

I've not finished any fanvideos since 2020, even though fanvideo is actually the first form of fandom content I've done. Here's hoping I can get something done and posted this year!

I definitely have a bunch of WIP fanart and gifsets waiting to be finished. My hope is to finish and share make more Reinako fanart, and dabble more on the transparent art format!

Continue on the PGSM Reinako Things I want to Yell About gif sets. I've done 6 last year, let's see if I can get another 6 done this year? (That's on average 2 per month, doable, right?)

#me #personal hope #plan for this blog

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bread-tab · 1 year ago

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#i was just liveblogging my therapy progress lol #did not expect this

i'm putting my tags in the post because the above addition happened when the post was at, like, idk, a few hundred notes??? and the one above that when it was at, like, a couple dozen. and that's the version that popped off, where i was thanking people for that dozen notes. lmao

and i'm pinning this so if you clicked my blog you can see that fun tidbit, and because i want to remember what an incredibly positive experience this has been. this is my second viral post (on any website, ever), and my first one was a shitpost about the frustrations of being sleep deprived. every single tag i see on this post is like "i've been doing this too and it improved my life" or "i want to get better at this" or "nice job OP."

this has, as you can imagine, been ridiculously validating.

and honestly, you know, i was just posting about a subtle habit i'd picked up that i'm not even that consistent at yet. i'm not good at this! the word "mindfulness" still makes me go eww. but here we are. turns out it still matters

the overwhelmingly positive response has really encouraged me to keep at this and continue finding little ways to bring more agency in my life.

so, seriously. thanks

💖

if you're wondering how to start this kind of habit for yourself...

someone in the notes recommended an app called OneSec which helps remind you to think about whether you actually want to open an app or website.

anything you can use to create a little friction or pause before you zone out works in the same way; isolating those apps in their own little folder, deleting the app so you're forced to use the web version, logging out of things, etc.

i use a launcher app called Minimalist Phone which, among other things, lets me decide how long i want to spend in an app and then prompts me to stop using it after that time. i encourage you to experiment with these kinds of tools and fight back against the mechanisms that exist to exploit your attention.

my own journey to this point was long and complicated and basically added up to millions and millions of small choices, decisions to try out ways of thinking and strategies to get better. those are going to be different for everyone. we all get these opportunities but they're very specific to our own lives. the principle behind it all, though, is that every little choice you make means something. every little experience you have. even if that's just looking at memes.

if you're feeling helpless, you can take the power over your own life back starting in really, really tiny ways.

start by making a specific choice like "instead of just opening an app and scrolling, i'm going to specifically search for 'cute orange cat photo' and feel a moment of satisfaction when i find one i like."

come up with your own teeny tiny goal that aligns with your interests. do that once to open the door. do it twice to establish a pattern. do it three times to make it a habit. do it again just because you can.

if making a goal feels too big, you can start with asking yourself questions. be casual about it. "what's fun about this?" "am i seeing things i like?" "what's keeping my attention here?"

it doesn't really matter what you ask as long as it gets your thoughts stirring. it's even okay if it's not a question you can actually answer. starting to notice what you're doing builds up the awareness that allows you to make choices.

the thing is, our brains don't really understand the difference between a little decision and a big one. under the emotional baggage, it's all just decisions. if you want to get more confident overall, you can trick yourself into it by practicing with these little things.

the practice counts. it starts with daring to try a new chip flavor even if you might not like it, or deciding you want to learn something today and googling "fun animal facts," or realizing "this youtuber pisses me off" and closing the video...

and before you know it you've slipped into applying the same thought process to bigger decisions and your life is changing for the better. it adds up. but you can start here, with small steps, where only you can see it and it's low-pressure. you have the power. you have unlimited chances to make it work. give yourself an opening, even if it's just a pinhole

somehow, amazingly, i have hacked the impulse that makes me mindlessly scroll on my phone. it's not gone but i've paired it with a conscious thought process that goes like, "what's my goal here? i'm looking for entertainment, for information, for something that makes me feel more optimistic and interested in the world i live in..."

and because that kicks in between apps, too, i'm not doomscrolling as much. i'm intentionally seeking out posts or videos or whatever that actually mean something to me. when i'm not satisfied i walk away or pick up a book instead. most subtle yet impactful change i've gone through in years

i did not intentionally set out to change this. i've just been working on my mindset in general. hey, turns out having a good therapist again helps

#coping #recovery #habits #i need to go to bed now i just #needed to reciprocate the energy #it's been a funny thing having my notifications destroyed by this post and constantly being grateful for the reminder #who needs therapy homework when you have this kind of feedback #and i really enjoy seeing the reblog balls graph #the ways it spread are widely outside of my circles in a fascinating organic way #these things take on lives of their own #it's humbling to see a thought plucked out of your own head grow wings and fly away to places you've never been #and touch lives you've never met and will never intersect with again #doesn't really feel like it's about me anymore #as long as the impact is positive i'm happy to sit back and watch #(now edited to have a readmore link)#(because i have to scroll past this every time i look at my own blog lol)

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valentinaonthemoon · 1 year ago

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Now that I'm home I can finally watch all the #GMMTV2024PART1 videos with audio 🥹 or:

A liveblog reaction

(or or: everyone else is doing this so why can't I?)

Peaceful Property: Let me start with the TayNew one because I am so happy about them having a new series together!!!! (it's very unclear if it's a bl or not, but I love to see them play together and it seems like a fun concept either way!)

Pluto: The trailer for Pluto giving me Not Me and Heart/Li Ming vibes. 😭😭😭 My girlies look so cute, but I don't know if I'll be watching this if it makes me cry though. I'm very fragile.

My Precious: I don't understand the My Precious series!!! I am very curious about the movie, which is the remake of another movie, which is taken from a book. But???? Will they change the ending in the series then? As if it's a parallel universe? Because otherwise, why making one if there's a movie already. I mean. I will be watching because I love Film and Nanon, but that whole cast (Chimon? View?) would be amazing in another original series as well, idk.

Ploy's Yearbook: Ploy's yearbook reminding me of the sisters in Kiss Me Again and the Tees in I'm Tee, Me Too. Love all the female protagonists keeping the spotlight this year, though! Can't wait to see this! (even if some scenes make me think it might be a bit trash like The Jungle before it) (but hey, I'm sure it'll be entertaining and I am seated)

We Are: We Are looks way too confusing somehow????? I have no idea. I don't get it.

The Trainee: The Trainee looks fun! I love the aesthetic of it. I'm not a fan of work romances when a character holds power over the other, but this looks like it might be nice??? Idk, obviously OffGun cute, but Pompam was hilarious, please.

My Golden Blood: oh my gosh????? JossGawin slash Twilight fanfiction, I'm crying. I need this to be so trash, you guys. I can't wait.

My Love Mix-Up!: Aw, this looks cute! I didn't know the manga before, but it seems like it will be a sweet story. I'm actually intrigued by love triangles, if they're well-written, and GeminiFourth are very promising.

Wandee Goodday: This looks like a fanfiction trope in series form (friends with benefits to fake (?) boyfriends to lovers), but to be honest I don't really care for it???? I'm not sure why. I wasn't sold. We'll see.

Summer Night: i have to laugh every time two people fall on each other and accidentally kiss (aka the PeteKao fall) because it's so unbelievably unrealistic that I can't help but laugh at the situation for 10 minutes. But wait! this is also a love triangle??? Wait, it's a double love triangle?? Wait, it's a love pentagon?????? That is definitely too ambitious, but to be honest I don't know enough about high school romances to have an interesting opinion about this whole geometry situation.

Only Boo: this seems nice, but I am afraid it will be too sweet for my taste! But !!! Book?? Out of nowhere??? :O

High School Frenemy: Fight! Fight! Fight!

Kidnap: (what says of me the fact that I immediately recognised that safehouse as Kao's house in KMA??)(anyway) the premise is interesting, but honestly this will be too stressful for me. Just a lil gay Breaking Bad, though. Good for them!

Ossan's Love Thailand: ????? This promo just made me curious about the Japanese version and gave me nothing else. I don't even know what the series is about. People running in an office? People standing very close? Genuinely no idea. Also the general consensus here is "GMMTV shouldn't have done this", so I'm just confused.

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cina-full-moon-xanadium · 2 years ago

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are you guys asking if im gonna rewatch new gen ultra bc. you wanna see my thoughts through a liveblog or something? well to go for it briefly:-

Ginga: Not as huge into this as others but I REALLY liked what it was going for and in retrospect how different it was to other Ultra productions and stands out as very memorable and distinct because of that. Everyone always talks about how this is back when they had no budget but literally I never noticed aside from the re-used Kaiju suits (which is a thing in every New Gen Ultra anyway). And uh that one goofy Dark Zagi sequence in da movie. Otherwise it's very visually stunning between Ginga himself and the consistent nature-based sets. Taro sequence in the last episode is the best thing ever made. Solid series, highly recommend!

Ginga S: Find it a little bit lame because it's very clearly made in response to fan complaints that Ginga wasn't like every other Ultraman (I especially don't like Hikaru becoming a military boy and that defining him in every re-appearance) but there's still a lot to love here and there's definitely some standout episodes like Gan-Q. Would find this one of the hardest Ultra series to recommend of the ones I've seen, but if you're already interested then yeah sure it's pretty harmless

X: BEST BEST BEST BEST SHIT EVER. WATCH THIS FUCKING SHOW. Maybe the funniest thing for me to say when it's not even top 3 for me but god if it doesn't feel like it sometimes, this is basically THE way to do a modern update of Ultraman and keeps a very strong balance between episodic plots, interesting character development & focus and a serialised plot and themes. Cannot recommend enough if you're interested in Ultraman

Orb: My first Ultraman so I've got a bit of a soft spot... like Ginga I'm not as into this as others but it's ultimately a very good show, and quite unique among Ultraman in how it sets up its characters (we basically never see the defence team outside of one representative; the main character is a distanced loner). It also has Juggler in it which, like, yeah; Juggler! Definitely recommend this one

Geed: BEST BEST BEST BEST SHIT EVER. WATCH THIS FUCKING SHOW. If your sensibilities are more attuned to Kamen Rider stories when it comes to Toku then this will be right up your alley as it shares in common a similar backstory for the hero's powers and is in general much more on the superhero side of things than the sci-fi anthology that Ultraman usually is. It's hard to get into exactly why without major spoilers but it's a wonderful series with a very charming cast that you can't take your eyes off. I was very excited for this one when I started Ultraman and I definitely wasn't disappointed. Highly recommend

R/B: Fucking fantastic! This one I feel gets overlooked quite a bit and gets treated as a bit of an oddball, but it's wonderfully weird and has so much going for it. It's a much more comedic take on Ultraman and very meta on the entire idea of what it means to be Ultraman, all wrapped around a very lovely focus of family and an honestly pretty fun plot as well. The first arc's villain is Kuroto Dan if he was toned down to be a lot more bearable and then the second half's can be a bit slow but has a fair bit to say. Just super recommend

Taiga: I unfortunately couldn't get into this one. Definitely a lot I think it wants to say about the nature of aliens integrating with humans and all the dynamics that contains but I just never found any of the characters terribly compelling enough to get into it... I fully admit I might have been giving it a harder time than it deserved though, and @biomic has recently had a LOT of good to say about it in their liveblog and I recommend you go to them if you want to know its strengths. Not one I can recommend personally, but it's one of those shows that seems to either hit hard for you or doesn't; so I can't say to avoid it or anything like that

Z: BEST BEST BEST BEST BEST SHIT IN THE WORLD WATCH THIS FUCKING SHOW GO TO YOUTUBE RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!! My experience with this one might have a bit of bias due to enjoying it along with everyone due to the simulcast but MAN what a fucking good time with all the strengths of X and more. Really went from a show that was pretty fun but due to unfortunate things behind the scenes could have gone so wrong but absolutely kept things steady to be a consistently great show with a lot to say. Can't recommend enough watch this thing right now it's literally officially subbed on youtube for free

Trigger: Did not like this show at all unfortunately, I find this easily the weakest of all the Ultraman shows I've seen and it definitely doesn't seem like there's a lot of people willing to stick up for it. It's one of those shows that's difficult to find anything to enjoy and you're left just scrounging for SOMETHING to like which you'll forget the moment the show is over. Really wants to be Profound and hit in a similar way that the show it's imitating - Tiga - did but can barely even dream of succeeding. Absolutely can't recommend this show for a second

Decker - It's only been three episodes but I'm finding it surprisingly solid stuff, and can certainly recommend you watch along too! Just a decent Ultraman show with a solid cast at this point. It's literally only been three episodes so I can't say anything more but it's hard to see this going terribly wrong and that at minimum it'll be decent. Recommend, it's on youtube officially with subs for free!

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completeoveranalysis · 3 years ago

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Warning! This post contains spoilers up to chapter 170 of Tsubasa (and Chapter 71 of xxxHolic). Please skip this if you have not read that far.

Please also make no comments about what happens after that point in either manga.

SO here is the other splash image that really stuck out to me:

This time not because of the Seresu arc but because of how the Infinity arc itself ends.

Here's the link to the original post the image is from if you'd like the full context, but the particular quote from that post I want to use as a reference is here:

"Syaoran also sits on the throne - which as far as I can tell, isn’t his. ... The only one ever wearing the crown they’re all wearing [on their clothes] is Sakura. Now, does it make sense that Syaoran has usurped her throne? Heck yeah! He’s stolen everything from her. He’s stolen her journey (they’re following him now, always a step behind), he’s stolen her feathers, and he’s stolen the person she’s in love with."

Where I was kind of on the right track but couldn't have possibly guessed what all the chess imagery was ultimately feeding into. Looking back now the initial liveblogs for all of these Chess-related splash images are such a big mix of different iconography, so it’s very fun reading through all my old guesses back then. I think I did a really good job of trying to decipher some of it, especially the Cinderella and Snow White imagery in Chapter 140, but the Chess was a bit trickier.

Which, like, understandable, because the chess game that was happening in the chapters was stressful as heck and did not end well, but there is a nice conclusion to it with this image which is easier to read now - especially in regards to Sakura. Because it's made very clear to the viewer that the symbol of the Queen piece is in reference to her; both in these splash images (where she wears the crown at one point, and every character wears the symbol in ways that reflect their allegiance to her) and in the plotline, where she functions as the Queen of the battles taking place. Here is another good example of the symbol being used for Sakura with it right there on her throne, and the two Syaoran's wearing the symbol in smaller ways to represent their relationship to her. But with that all in mind? I had no idea what it was really getting at with Syaoran on Sakura's throne here.

BUT NOW I DO.

If you go back to that example I just gave with Sakura sitting on her throne? It's a different throne! It still makes it very clear that she's undeniably the Queen piece, with the symbol in gold actually being a key part of the throne itself.

And the throne Syaoran sits on? It has the crown symbol as part of the decoration, but it's not representing him, it's just a small symbol to show that matches Sakura's throne. This throne is his own.

He's the King piece.

(And, important distinction; the throne is not Lava Lamp's, but our original plotline Syaoran who is now in Autopilot mode.)

This wouldn't have occurred to me the first time through because I was focused so much on what this might mean for Sakura, and how she related to everyone else, but the way the Infinity Arc ends really hammers this home. After all, Sakura is the mastermind in this arc - everything that happens is according to her plan. She's not playing chess just during the literal chess matches, but during the entire plotline, moving every character and circumstance into place to enact her final plan; to activate both Chi's at once, absorb both their feather's, and trigger Fai's curse - resulting in her pseudo (if purely physical) death. But like we see in the plotline, this isn't a loss - it's a win. It's exactly how she planned things to unfold, and it will lead her to winning the game.

Just in case anyone isn't familiar, in Chess the queen is the most powerful piece capable of the widest variety of moves - but the queen is not the endgame goal. You can lose the queen piece in any game and (besides losing a powerful piece) it's not the end of the world. You can still win the game without the queen piece. It's the King piece that's the Win/Loss condition. The King is the piece you have to keep safe at all costs, even if you lose other pieces in the process. The second the King dies, the match is over. You've lost.

And this matches exactly how Sakura played the series events. She was the Queen in control of every move, and Syaoran was the Win condition she was focused on. She foresaw Fai killing Syaoran in the future - which, for her, is the Losing Scenario. She planned everything to avoid this, and she succeeded! She lost the Queen piece (ie, her physical body) but won the ultimate goal of keeping the King safe. She won the 3D future chess game that she was playing by herself, and positioned herself in the place that would have the most benefit for the victory at the end. (Which I still haven't seen, but she was VERY confident about this having a better result than Fai killing Syaoran.)

I'm also super happy that this ties in really well with the fairy tale allusions I talked about back in Chapter 140, but in ways I wasn't aware of back then either.

I talked about Snow White and how the apple (that shows up in a lot of the splash images in Infinity) may have been referring to Sakura's tendency to sleep a lot. What I didn't realise was that Sakura was essentially about to pull the Big Brain Snow White maneuver on herself to ultimately win her chess game. While in Snow White the poison apple is a trap, here Sakura sprung the trap intentionally. Fai is the apple she bit into deliberately - she arranged it so that killed her body, breaking his own curse, and sent her to the World of Dreams (and thus, she is asleep) which also placed her in a Glass Coffin (aka The Jam Jar of Dreams - Im sorry I have no memory of what it's really called). So the Snow White metaphor is now complete.

But also Cinderella! In the image for 140 Sakura is trying on a glass slipper - so she's Cinderella figure as well. But at this point in the plot the clock hadn't struck midnight just yet - like Cinderella, Sakura knew the exact time limit she had to work with, and for her the timing had to be PRECISE. She spent all of Infinity stressed out of her mind about this plan she couldn't trust anyone else with, knowing full well that if she missed the window even slightly it would ruin absolutely everything and they would all lose. Which, funnily enough, makes Yuuko the fairy godmother, since she provided Sakura with the magic she needed to make her plan happen (via wishes). This also means that Fai stabbing her with the sword is the exact moment the clock struck twelve - and like the spell finishing, Sakura could finally drop the act and explain what she had done, even as all the magic disappeared (ie, her luck being traded away). There's even a detransformation sequence of a sort, with her body and soul going in two different directions. But either way, the Cinderella metaphor is also complete!

And with all that done the last part I want to talk about is back in the image of Syaoran on the throne. He's framed on either side with the curtains that portray the chess board, and they're tied back by chains with him in the very centre. He is visually chained to the board - which, like, of course he is. With his Autopilot programming in place he's essentially just a chess piece without any will of his own - a winning piece, for sure, but he's still being moved around without his choice. He's playing the game on auto, making the moves that will lead him to the winning gambit, but without his individual soul he has no choice but to keep playing until the game is over. The goal he's working towards isn't even his - it's Evil Wolverine's. So in the same way that everyone else was a chess piece in Sakura's strategy (if, sort of, willingly), including Sakura herself, Syaoran is a piece being moved around in Evil Wolverine's favour - though if he dies, it's game over for Sakura's side as well.

I'm unclear if Syaoran dying would be a game over scenario for Evil Wolverine, but at the very least it would end the game he is currently playing.

So, in the hyper future 3D chess game that Sakura was playing by herself she couldn't properly win the game for her side by taking out Syaoran because he's her king piece too. Syaoran is the piece at the centre of everything, and will be the key to winning the game for either side. We just have to wait and see if Sakura's gambit will pay off in the way she thinks it will.

#For the record I THINK IT WILL #I believe in her #This has been: a lot of imagery #Tsubasa Catch Up Chronicle #Catch up T144 #Catch up T145 #Catch up T140 #Tsubasa #Ok so Sakura is confirmed Chess Genius y/y?#Sakura #Syaoran #and CHESS

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aranarumei · 1 year ago

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finished reading thru summer as well so heres some notes:

mm, it was inefficient, but i think choosing to do this by reading through the story instead of checking the wiki was worth it! even though i'm only not looking at the wiki because i'm spoiler avoidant, haha.

still, there's some interesting stuff. i'm keeping a page for extra notes that ended up just becoming a half-liveblog document... so yeah, i've got Tenma Thoughts.

first off, after his outburst in ch 15 when he yells at everyone and calls kazunari shallow (ouch. thats gonna have long-lasting consequences), in ch 16 he refers to everyone by their last names while discussing their pros and cons. at their closing night performance in ch 35, however, he calls everyone by their first names and confesses he thinks of them as friends. so its very cool to see that progression. muku and yuki also call each other sakisaka and rurikawa-kun before transitioning to a first name basis, and i'm glad i got to note that down. yknow in case i ever need to write pre-joining natsugumi fic that includes them... it was also helpful to see how exactly yuki uses his nicknames and with what frequency.

i also, like, hate tenma's parents... so much. like he has this outburst when they tell him to quit the play that goes something like "they've spent so much time neglecting me and NOW they decided to meddle!" (very masumi in act 2. they should bond.) but it startled me so much because when tenma gets literally punched by his dad after he's like... way calmer abt the whole situation, and he's very like. blase abt getting hit? to the point that he even explains to izumi like oh no it wasnt even going behind their backs that made my parents mad it was the movie offer rejection. which is So... anyways in this situation here tenma's gotten permission to stay in the play. so he's secure in that. before, i think he was like, kind of panicked about having this chance taken away from him, which is why he allows himself to get so resentful and like bitter in the first place. (seriously, the fact that his parents are just fully un-contactable when they're overseas, but when tenma goes to paris for a WEEK he calls yuki during a break on set...?)

i've got quite a few holes in the chart (what does masumi call ANYONE whos not sakuya, for instance) but i'll dig thru the other chats after to fill those, i assume.

izumi's got some fun stuff, too, like muku calls her kantoku-san while kazunari calls her kantoku-chan, which rly reflects on both of their personalities... i dont catch every single way each person calls her, so... that'll mb require a second read or something, we'll see. or i could look into some of the mini chats which might be easier to find the answer from.

*flexes fingers* time to put in an inefficient amount of effort and make an a3 name chart!

#kiri plays a3 #kiri.txt

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neuxue · 4 years ago

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The Untamed Liveblog: Episode 42 – Stabbing As A Fun Family Bonding Activity (Reprise)

It’s not a real Jinlintai party without insult, injury, a murder investigation, and a tearful conversation in the rain.

1. Evidence Hidden and Names Revealed

If Lan Xichen turned on me the smile he turns on Su She, I would simply run away.

Lan Xichen can and will wreck your shit but instead he smiles that polite we both know I could ruin you :) but it’s not going to come to that :) is it:) because you’re going to behave :) smile.

Meanwhile Lan Wangji is just. Glaring murder at him. Lan Wangji also can and will wreck your shit but you’re more likely to see it coming.

Jin Guangyao is doing a classic ‘My secret room? Why yes of course I’ll show it to you; there’s nothing incriminating to see here; I just recently had the place cleaned!’

No, Wei Wuxian, he’s not afraid Qin Su might say something, because she can’t speak right now. (Please someone help Qin Su)

Yeah why am I. Not even remotely surprised that the head’s not there anymore.

I’m honestly more surprised that Wei Wuxian expected it to still be there, given that he knew Jin Guangyao saw his paper figure. Come on Wei Wuxian, you’re a better tactician than this.

It’s left to Lan Xichen to ask the question, and he does it with a soft “A-Yao”—a name filled with trust, but a question that implies suspicion. His two roles: Lan Xichen who trusts A-Yao, and Zewu-jun who must consider the suspicion cast on Jin Guangyao.

Qin Su!

No no no!

Held frozen in this room, unable to speak, to accuse or to call for help, unable to move, and her single and final act of agency is to draw the knife on herself.

That’s. Wow. Okay. So that happened. Fuck.

Jin Guangyao: “What is going on?”

It’s a good move, on his part, to turn the suspicion around, to use this as a kind of accusation, to garner sympathy. And it has to hurt Lan Xichen, to see Jin Guangyao’s loss, to fear that he is somehow responsible, to fear that his suspicion is unfounded and that this is the price of it, but he also can’t just drop this completely—

Jin Guangyao: “Is there something you haven’t told me?”

And again we cut to Lan Xichen’s face, and it’s his own unasked question turned back on him; it’s Jin Guangyao looking at him as if he might be the one who has betrayed the trust between them.

And yet again it falls to Lan Xichen to be the one to calmly explain as Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang arrive. He’s the one who most trusts Jin Guangyao, the one who most likes him, and yet he has to be the one to ask, to push, to try to offer comfort, to explain, to remain calm and detached, and I just really need someone to give him a hug and no one is going to.

At this point I am almost certain Nie Huaisang suspects Jin Guangyao, and probably has something to do with this whole situation. And I’m less but still relatively certain that while this might put an understandable damper on Nie Huaisang’s friendship towards Jin Guangyao, Jin Guangyao still on some level cares about Nie Huaisang.

Friends! To! Enemies! This is my entire jam! People who know each other, and so know best how to twist the knife. Who play out their friendship even alongside their enmity, and the betrayal hurts everyone, and—

Oh. Nie Huaisang taking Lan Xichen’s hand in a gesture that seems almost like kindness, and certainly like grief, but also a little bit like cruelty (though the kind that would hurt them both) when he asks “You’re speaking of… my da-ge? Your da-ge?”

Every time we cut to Lan Xichen’s face, which is often, it breaks my heart. We’ve seen so many characters watch their world collapse around them, but Lan Xichen is so… quiet, so absolute in the way he hides his own feelings away in the name of his duty and his role. It’s self-sacrifice so quiet and well-hidden that those around him may not even notice it beneath his gentle smiles and unimpeachable skill and perfect decorum.

Jin Guangyao: “The clues disappeared? So… you came to search my place? You wanted me to open the vault because you suspected that da-ge’s head was at my place?”

The way he looks up at Lan Xichen as he starts to say this, softly, as if pleading with him! As if looking at him and saying er-ge… you suspect me too, don’t you? And Lan Xichen just having to remain steadfast in the face of that!

And Jin Guangyao did it, yes, but still it hurts him as well, I think, to see something like suspicion from Lan Xichen. To know that if he fails here he might lose even him. That even if he succeeds here, he might still lose him.

But I also think he knows something of Lan Xichen’s conflict, and so focuses on him, perhaps hating that he’s using the bond between them but using it anyway, because Lan Xichen is the one he might be able to persuade, and the one with the power, in this room, to protect him.

And for the first time Lan Xichen doesn’t answer, and looks away.

Su She: “Why Hanguang-jun, a person known for his grace and righteousness, would keep such a notorious person by his side is hard to understand.”

The words are intended for Mo Xuanyu, but to Wei Wuxian they could just as easily be about himself. He wonders the same thing—he asked Lan Wangji why Lan Wangji was helping him. He has never… quite understood why Lan Wangji stood beside him, followed him, visited him, reached for him on that cliffside. Oh, he could understand that they were friends, could say “I once thought of you as my lifelong zhiji,” and offer his life to Lan Wangji for the taking, could trust him… but I don’t think he ever really considered himself worthy of the same from Lan Wangji, and so never quite… understood it. Wei Wuxian’s terminal inability to understand that other people care about him.

But then Jin Guangyao draws his sword and Lan Wangji immediately, instinctively, moves to shield Wei Wuxian, to parry, to protect.

The running theme of ‘people stepping between Wei Wuxian and danger, when as far as he’s concerned it should always be the other way around, and Wei Wuxian not entirely understanding what’s happening’ continues.

So he sets a hand on Lan Wangji’s shoulder and pushes him aside. Makes himself the target again.

SUIBIAN!!!!

SUIBIAN IN WEI WUXIAN’S HANDS!!!!!!!

WEI WUXIAN DRAWING SUIBIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have. So many feelings about this. Most of them are just WEI WUXIAN! DRAWING! SUIBIAN! AGAIN!

What a moment.

And everyone’s face.

Jin Guangyao: “Yiling Laozu. You’re the Yiling Laozu!”

I know I mentioned this already last episode, but the irony here is fucking spectacular. The sword whose relinquishing represented the turning point that led him to that title, is now the one that, in its reclaiming, names him the same. Not Wei Wuxian, who wielded Suibian once, but the Yiling Laozu, who didn’t. Suibian’s absence then, but presence now, both causes of distrust.

If you wanted to you could even extend it to a kind of… there was so much focus on his sword, on bringing him back to that path, but even if he had, even if he could have, they would have found something else. Because it’s not about the sword; it’s about the target.

Sorry, I’m just losing my mind over how perfect this whole moment is.

Oh, Jin Ling. Speaking of characters watching their world fall apart in front of them.

And Nie Huaisang, who I am certain knew who Wei Wuxian was already, is the one to try to cast doubt on that name, as if to… cover for him. Or to force proof. Could go either way, and I am as ever kind of fascinated by post-flashback Nie Huaisang.

Jin Ling: “So he isn’t definitely Wei Wuxian, right?”

Oh, kid. He wants so badly for this person he has come to like to be anyone but Wei Wuxian.

Several times he said “I don’t care who you are” to Wei Wuxian, and he meant it, but he meant it so long as it was anyone else.

Because he cannot like Wei Wuxian, cannot accept ever having liked Wei Wuxian, because that would mean betraying himself, betraying his parents—

Jin Guangyao’s like ‘oh yeah Mo Xuanyu saw some of the Yiling Laozu’s notes I had lying around, specifically the Sacrifice Summon’ and no one responds with the obvious ‘Jin-zongzhu why the fuck did you leave that lying around?’

And I wonder if him seeing it was… not an accident. But then the question is who, and I don’t see why Jin Guangyao would want to bring Wei Wuxian back, and there’d be easier ways to get rid of Mo Xuanyu, so. That leaves…hm. Hmmm.

Did Wei Wuxian not know Suibian sealed itself? Huh.

Also. If the sword is connected to the spirit. Is Wei Wuxian. The only one who can draw it?

And then as Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get the fuck out of there, Jin Guangyao turns to Jin Ling with this look of absolute gentle sympathy, and twists the knife:

Jin Guangyao: “A-Ling… […] He tricked us all. So I don’t blame you for treating the murderer of your father as your friend, and protecting him”

I mean first of all it’s the classic ‘I’m not going to mention [thing that I now describe in great detail], but…’

But mostly, Jin Ling is already blaming himself, hating himself for this betrayal of himself and everything he believed; this betrayal of his parents’ memories, that he could befriend their murderer without knowing.

This, right here, is why I love that trope so much, of someone meeting their sworn enemy out of context and liking them. This moment when it’s revealed, because how do you reconcile that? How does he reconcile the monster of his childhood with the friend and teacher? How does he face the fact that he likes the person he most hates, without breaking?

2. On The Steps Of Jinlintai (Again)

When it looks like they’re not going to be able to escape, Wei Wuxian pushes Lan Wangji away. Again. As always.

Because Wei Wuxian, as ever, cannot accept or anyone he cares about being hurt because of him. Because Wei Wuxian, as ever, will make himself the target, because he deserves this, doesn’t he? And he can take it, and so he should take it, right? And if he can’t, well, at least he’s not bringing anyone he loves down with him.

But the look on Lan Wangji’s face is that of someone who has watched Wei Wuxian do this too many times before, never considering that maybe he shouldn’t have to. Face a ring of swords like it’s only right that they point at him, but unacceptable that they point at Lan Wangji. Value his life, again and as ever, as less.

I don’t think it hurts like a rejection or a lack of trust, exactly, but it hurts Lan Wangji that Wei Wuxian still… thinks Lan Wangji would accept being pushed away while Wei Wuxian faces those swords alone. That Lan Wangji would accept doing anything but standing by him.

Once again Wei Wuxian lowers the mask, because he will make himself the target, face their hatred of him if it will protect the ones he loves.

Wei Wuxian smiles the smile he gives when he’s pretending pain doesn’t hurt, the smile he gives when he hates himself a little bit for bringing pain to those he cares about, when Jin Guangyao says “Not only Jin Ling, but Hanguang-jun was also fooled by you,” and says yes.

Except.

Lan Wangji: “Not so.”

Loudly, clearly, and in absolutely unequivocal words.

Like, even more so than when he spoke out against Jin Guangshan’s accusation in 27. There, his response to “everyone heard” was more or less analogous to “I didn’t.” Here, it’s more like… ‘that is incorrect’, but formally and with emphasis. Lan Wangji is not fucking around.

Wei Wuxian is not going to face the world’s hatred alone; Lan Wangji won’t let him. This time Lan Wangji is going to make his allegiance utterly, exquisitely clear.

Lan Wangji, Second Jade of Lan, with his reputation for righteousness, steps up to Wei Wuxian—without looking anywhere but directly at Wei Wuxian, because it doesn’t matter who the rest of them are or what they say or how they look at him; nothing matters more than standing beside him—and says “I already knew he was Wei Ying.”

Wei Wuxian: “Lan Zhan, you don’t have to do this. I’m long used to this.”

“You don’t have to,” Wei Wuxian says, but Lan Wangji isn’t doing this out of obligation, which Wei Wuxian has always struggled to understand, because it’s how he sees so much of his own life (and because he always sees himself as the one who owes). “I’m used to this,” he says, but to Lan Wangji that’s part of what makes this so intolerable to watch: he shouldn’t have to be. Wei Wuxian shouldn’t have to do this either.

It’s like this post-flashback sequence is just trying to grab Wei Wuxian’s face in both hands and say you matter, damn it, and one of these days it’s going to work.

Wei Wuxian: “Just say you were deceived by the Yiling Laozu”

Calling this one out because the Netflix subs don’t include the title, but I love it because It’s About The Names, and when Lan Wangji said he knew Wei Wuxian’s identity, he said he knew he was Wei Ying. Not Wei Wuxian, not the Yiling Laozu, not even some form of ‘I knew who he was’. Whereas Wei Wuxian is invoking his own title, his reputation that has been made infamous, trying to get Lan Wangji to… reject that knowing of him, reject the intimacy of his name, at least for the sake of performance.

Lan Wangji: “Wei Ying. Do you remember what you asked me in the Cloud Recesses?”

DO YOU TRUST ME!!!!!!! DID YOU TRUST ME BACK THEN!!!!!!!

LAN WANGJI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He doesn’t just say ‘I trust you’, which could be read as just a statement applicable to this single circumstance, but instead recalls that entire conversation, which itself was about… everything they are to each other, and everything they were to each other, and why Lan Wangji stands beside him now. It’s I trust you but it’s also an explanation and apology and beneath that this sense of I will make myself clearer now than I did then. I will stand by you now as I wish I had then. All in the space of a single question.

Lan Wangji: “The feeling of walking a narrow bridge into the dark is not so bad after all.”

And here he invokes their last farewell before everything went wrong! The last time he walked away! The last time he left Wei Wuxian to walk his path alone!

But this time he steps up to him, and turns towards him, and smiles, and says with that one phrase, recalling a memory to serve as a contrast and therefore an explanation, you’re not alone this time. Says I questioned the path you chose, once, but I trust you now, and I will walk it with you.

And Wei Wuxian, still surrounded by this ring of swords and accusations and hatred, smiles a true smile back at him. Says his name with fondness and helpless laughter of, like, love and astonishment. He can’t keep from smiling, laughing, because he can hardly believe, and yet. Here Lan Wangji is, saying this.

(The cut to Jiang Cheng’s face, though? Watching his brother smile again, but not at him, perhaps never again at him… Jiang Cheng just watching again as Wei Wuxian chooses someone else over him, and why wouldn’t he? But there’s no anger there; just this bittersweet acceptance that his brother may be lost to him, but… but his brother is smiling).

And then these two face the world together, back to back, fighting in perfect unison as they always did.

Oh Jin Ling.

And Jiang Cheng, watching as the last of his family face each other, as Wei Wuxian causes pain for the one person he has left.

I don’t think Jiang Cheng wants to stop Wei Wuxian right now, not really. Certainly not like this; he’d confront him in private but what lies between them is more personal than a political stage. And while Jiang Cheng might not call it loyalty, he’s not going to go out of his way to hand his brother over to Jin Guangyao.

But he also knows what Jin Ling is feeling, and he can’t stop Jin Ling either, can’t deny him the chance to confront the one responsible for his parents’ deaths. Also it would be political suicide (and I think there is a part of Jiang Cheng that hates himself a little bit, and hates Lan Wangji more, for the fact that Lan Wangji can stare the world in the face—or rather, gently look Wei Wuxian in the eyes—and say fuck my reputation. That Lan Wangji can stand by Wei Wuxian, and that he can do it with such certainty, when all Jiang Cheng has is grief and anger and doubt and far too much pain).

All he can do is watch, and there’s no making it out of this night without being hurt one way or another, which. Jiang Cheng’s familiar with that feeling, at least! He could use a hug as well.

But oh, Jin Ling. Jin Ling shaking, as he holds out his sword and asks “Are you really Wei Ying, Wei Wuxian?” as if still desperate for the answer, somehow, to be no.

He’s just hurting. So much.

Oh.

Ow.

I mean.

You know what, I can’t even blame him.

Like, no, stabbing is probably not an ideal solution here, but he has had a day. And his entire world is falling apart in front of him and he doesn’t know what to do and he’s barely holding himself together and he’s so hurt and so angry and so… of course he stabs him.

Wei Wuxian doesn’t even look surprised. He accepts this, too, as no more than his due.

(Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, looks… horrified).

(He wants to shout at Wei Wuxian, wants to hurt him, maybe, but he doesn’t actually want him to bleed)

Lan Wangji, as always, catches Wei Wuxian as he falls.

And Jin Ling, ah, Jin Ling.

Jin Ling, who stabbed Wei Wuxian in the same place as Jiang Cheng once did, and probably got just as much satisfaction out of it, which is… none.

And so he just stands there trembling, in the wreckage of everything he thought he knew, sword falling from his hand, because it doesn’t help, doesn’t make the hurt go away, why does it still hurt—

3. A Little Fall Of Rain (Can Hardly Hurt Me Now)

Oh it’s these two in the rain again, but this time they’re walking together rather than away from each other.

Though Wei Wuxian is also barely walking at all.

Is it bad that I think bleeding and exhausted and barely able to stand is a good look on him? Don’t answer that.

His blood is staining Lan Wangji’s clothes. And Lan Wangji does not care. I see what you did there.

Oh good yes let’s remember this first cliffside scene; that doesn’t hurt at all. The time when Lan Wangji questioned him about the Yin Tiger Seal, pressed him for answers, didn’t trust him as he wishes he had. The time when Wei Wuxian said “You doubt me too, don’t you?” and Lan Wangji didn’t answer. The time when Lan Wangji said “You promised to let me help,” and Wei Wuxian replied “But if you don’t trust me, how can you help.” The scene I have seared into my brain (among… many, but still). Good times.

And as if that weren’t enough we get a third rendition of the… other cliffside scene. When Lan Wangji tried too late to hold on, to say come back.

(But now. Now he has stood by Wei Wuxian. Now he gave him that trust, stood at his side on that single-log bridge)

(Now Wei Wuxian is moments away from bleeding out in his arms. Now Lan Wangji is terrified he’s about to lose Wei Wuxian again—)

Lan Wangji: “Why are you laughing?” Wei Wuxian: “It’s nothing. Just… It’s funny. When everyone admired my power and wanted to flatter me, you’re the only one who scolded me. But now, when everyone hates me and wants me to die, you’re the only one standing at my side.”

I am. On. The floor.

This is TOO MUCH!

But it’s perfect. Because… because, Wei Wuxian, he sees you. Has always seen you, cared about you: not the power you wield or the threat you pose or your reputation or your capability or what you can do for him or what you could do to him. Just you. Just Wei Ying.

And so before, Lan Wangji was the only one to scold him because Lan Wangji was afraid for him, rather than of him. Because Lan Wangji saw the person beneath that power, and feared that he would be lost to it, and cared about that more than anything Wei Wuxian could do. And now they hate him, but all that matters to Lan Wangji is that he’s there. Because to Lan Wangji he is still, as he ever was, Wei Ying.

And that was what Wei Wuxian never understood, but… perhaps, maybe, could begin to.

Also it hurts, the way his expression falters just a little when he talks of how they all hate him. He has spent so long deliberately not caring, making himself immune to wound and insult, or at least pretending hard enough to convince himself it was reality, but sometimes… it does hurt.

They see him as so terrifying, so powerful, as invincible and something not quite human, someone who can’t bleed the way they do, hurt the way they do; and he played into that image even before he really stepped into that role. He has always shrugged off pain, the better to serve as a shield. But here, alone but for the one who sees him, and knows him, he is just… hurt, and tired, and sad.

He’s not hiding his wounds, here. He lets Lan Wangji see him hurt and tired and vulnerable. Lets Lan Wangji see him bleeding, literally and metaphorically. A return of that trust. And his own kind of apology, perhaps, for pushing him away all those years ago, for hiding his pain then.

4. Just A Casual Family Music Recital

Of course now Wei Wuxian is back to trying to hide how badly he’s hurt, but I think it’s more… instinct than true reluctance. Instinct and that kind of… tentative question in the face of new vulnerability, after their conversation on the stairs, and in the rain.

Meanwhile Lan Wangji just pulls back Wei Wuxian’s robe and Wei Wuxian has to recalibrate his entire understanding of the world.

Wei Wuxian’s conjecture around someone leading them to investigate Nie Mingjue’s death, and that person being probably the same as the one who gave Qin Su the letter and maybe let Mo Xuanyu discover whatever the secret was… and hates Jin Guangyao…

It makes me wonder again how exactly Mo Xuanyu found the Sacrifice Summon notes. How he thought to call Wei Wuxian.

(And Wei Wuxian’s expression as the Sacrifice Summon is mentioned… his last days were blow after blow of watching first Wen Qing and Wen Ning sacrifice themselves and then Jiang Yanli, and he was always the one who was supposed to sacrifice— and now someone he didn’t even know is dead because of him and he’s here in his place. It’s not the absolute self-loathing we’ve seen from him at other times, but there’s a kind of regret, perhaps, or sorrow, like when he handed the bag holding Xiao Xingchen’s soul to Song Lan).

Still Many Feelings about Wei Wuxian holding Suibian again. And whispering “thank you” to Lan Wangji as Lan Wangji hands it to him, rather than tossing it aside, or telling him sharply enough, or leave it.

I absolutely love the shot of his face mirrored in Suibian’s blade. The identity of it all!!

I absolutely will not make any kind of innuendo about Lan Wangji tugging on the hilt of Wei Wuxian’s sword while they sit in bed together.

Wei Wuxian did you only now realise you were at Cloud Recesses? Too busy staring into Lan Wangji’s eyes as he held your sword?

Wei Wuxian: “What if your brother finds out?” Lan Xichen (from outside): “I already found out.”

Have I mentioned how much I love Lan Xichen and the fact that he is not-so-secretly a massive troll?

And he’s smiling as he walks in here, having probably been waiting outside for the most entertaining or dramatic opportunity to make his entrance. As he offers the safety of Cloud Recesses and his protection to Wei Wuxian.

But. I’m still just. Remembering his face in the previous scenes. (He just hides that away, buries it, because his pain should not be anyone else’s concern).

And then there’s Wei Wuxian, who smiled in overwhelmed disbelief and joy and surprise as Lan Wangji stood beside him against the world, and now is being offered protection with a smile from Zewu-jun, and it’s just a lot for him to process, okay?!

But maybe, if it keeps happening, he’ll get it through his head that he’s worthy of being protected, that it’s okay to need and accept help, that it doesn’t make him a burden, that he doesn’t have to continually pay down the debt of his existence.

(Well. Once he’s paid off the sacrifice summon scars, anyway…)

Lan Xichen:“Now that Wei-gongzi is awake, Wangji, isn’t it time you gave me an account as well?”

Oh that is the Older Sibling Smile of and now you will do exactly as I say or I will tell uncle who ate the last of the sweets.

And then! Lan Xichen smiles a little at Lan Wangji and goes… Netflix subs give “You’re really more than I can handle” but it’s also kind of like… a fondly exasperated “What am I going to do with you” and don’t mind me I’m just sitting here screaming about the Twin Jades and how they’re brothers, and how Lan Xichen teases Lan Wangji, when almost no one else in the entire world ever does or has or would—

How to each other they’re people, when to the rest of the world that is so overshadowed by their image. How they’re so close, when so few would ever want or be able to get close to them. How important it is that they have that, in each other.

But their next exchange… hurts.

Lan Xichen: “Did you see it with your own eyes?” Lan Wangji: “He saw it with his own eyes.” Lan Xichen: “You believe Wei-gongzi?” Lan Wangji: “I do.” Lan Xichen: “And Jin Guangyao?” Lan Wangji: “He is not trustworthy.”

This feels… sharper in the original, like the back-and-forth and trust-and-distrust flows better, but the point is, it comes down to who they trust. The two of them trust each other, I think, but here they have to trust not just each other, but the one the other trusts.

And it hurts, to find themselves in this kind of conflict. To each want to trust the other completely, and trust the other’s judgement, but have to question it. Lan Xichen has to either doubt Jin Guangyao, or doubt Wei Wuxian and by extension doubt Lan Wangji’s trust in him. And Lan Wangji… well. Lan Wangji has made his choice, but it still can’t be easy to stand at conflict with his brother.

Lan Xichen: “Ah, Wangji. Then how do you judge whether someone is trustworthy or not?”

The wording isn’t the same but it reminds me of their conversation in 21, when Lan Wangji, lost and uncertain, asked his brother “are there set rules for everything in the world” and “then how can we judge a person?” (or “how can we know a person’s heart”) and Lan Xichen gave him the most thoughtful answer he could. This, right after Lan Xichen asked, gently and without using Wei Wuxian’s name, about the Yin Iron, and the Yiling office, and accepted Lan Wangji’s statement of “He would not do something like that.” Trusted his brother, despite his doubts. And ultimately… well. I’m not sure what came next would have really… felt like confirmation that that trust was well placed, is all I’m saying.

And now we get something of a reversal of that, and I can’t help but think they probably both recognise it.

Lan Xichen: “you trust Wei-gongzi; similarly, I trust Jin Guangyao.”

And that’s it, isn’t it? Lan Wangji’s trust in Wei Wuxian, as we have seen, as he has said in so many beautiful ways, is absolute. But Lan Xichen trusts Jin Guangyao the same way, and just as Lan Wangji regretted not trusting Wei Wuxian fully before, and remembered that cliffside conversation, I think Lan Xichen hates that he had to show suspicion to Jin Guangyao in that room. That while Jin Guangyao held Qin Su’s body and looked at all of them in anguish, Lan Xichen couldn’t be entirely by his side.

Lan Xichen: “You believe in your judgement. Am I not allowed to believe in my judgement?”

This is… close to the harshest we’ve seen Lan Xichen, especially with Lan Wangji. And this shift from a fond ‘what am I going to do with you’ to this question that cuts to the heart of who they are and who they trust…

They both know the feeling of trusting someone whom others suspect or hate, know that not everything is black and white, but now it pulls them in different directions.

And the problem is that there’s no way to square this circle, no way for someone to not end up betrayed.

On another note, I have to respect the absolute power move in Lan Xichen having this conversation in front of Wei Wuxian. It’s. Hm. I mean. It’s not quite a shovel talk.

But it’s very in keeping with the way Lan Xichen plays politics. He’s not cruel, or underhanded; he has this quiet power that he uses with great care, this gentleness he can wield like a sword. It’s turning honesty and openness into political tools, which. Is pretty impressive.

It’s Wei Wuxian who finally cuts in, with nothing more than a “Lan-zongzhu” and Lan Xichen immediately falls back into that perfect Lan sect leader deliberate, detached calm and promises that he will not endanger Wei Wuxian. Which. That’s not even remotely near the top of Wei Wuxian’s list of concerns, if it’s on there at all.

(And watching Lan Xichen withdraw back into that cool neutrality hurts almost more now that we’ve seen what is beneath it, heard him almost angry and almost pleading with his brother, the one person with whom he can show even that much of his true feelings).

But Wei Wuxian’s offering proof. He knows this isn’t going to be resolved with mere trust, and wouldn’t even feel justified in asking Lan Xichen to trust him; it’s strange enough for him to realise how unwavering Lan Wangji’s trust is.

Netflix. I am begging you. Please can you just. Choose a translation for 走火入魔 and stick with it?

Lan Xichen’s smile now is one of ‘I am about five seconds from losing the last of my very great reserve of patience; do not test me’.

Song of Clarity, Minor Variation is pretty good evidence, considering what they have to work with.

Because thing is, Lan Xichen, Wei Wuxian is rather absurdly talented, which I’m sure you remember from his Gusu days; he didn’t play a portion of this incorrectly because it’s difficult. He played perfectly, from memory after hearing it briefly in a high-stress Empathy flashback that made Lan Wangji concerned enough for his wellbeing that he started playing music for him, the variant that Jin Guangyao played Nie Mingjue.

But then, Wei Wuxian has always had an excellent memory for this kind of content. It’s other things he forgets. Like his own kindnesses. Or pain. Or Jin Zixun’s name.

And now Lan Xichen is not just humouring them with quickly-thinning patience. This is not the Song of Clarity he taught to Jin Guangyao, so either Wei Wuxian is embarking on a particularly elaborate lie, or.

(I also love that this is all happening with Wei Wuxian in, like, loungewear).

It’s Lan Xichen who leads them to the library. He trusts Jin Guangyao but he is doing his absolute utmost to be fair, to consider their evidence and their suspicions, and not shut them down when there is evidence to follow. Instead he leads them to where they can all try to learn more.

And this for someone he feels more or less the same way about as Lan Wangji does about Wei Wuxian. Like. Lan Wangji knelt steadfast in the snow for his trust in Wei Wuxian, but Lan Xichen instead has to do this.

And it is Lan Xichen who finds the Collection of Turmoil, and hands it without a word to Lan Wangji.

Lan Xichen who explains the origin and purpose and power of the Collection of Turmoil to Wei Wuxian.

Can he have a hug now?

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#love how this whole episode is just.#theme and variation on the past.#the untamed #neuxue liveblogs the untamed #cql

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