#i just keep reminding myself
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#i just keep reminding myself#whenever this happens#i feel better eventually#i just have to get through to the better#it's okay#it's okay it's okay it's okay#IT'S OKAY!!!!#personal ramblings#depression#depressive episode#mental health#mental illness
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it is 80F. with 85% humidity. at 9 pm. it is barely MAY summer is going to KILL ME
#poopeh.txt#i live in the southeastern united states#i hate to be hot#make it make sense#i just keep reminding myself#2 acres no mortgage no HOA#extended growing season and room for chickens and goats#honeysuckle and the wind in the pines#seasoned food#but gd whys it got to be so damn HOT
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It doesn't matter if that fic has been in your drafts for years and is now self-indulgent to the point of parody. If Steven Moffatt is allowed to do it professionally, you are allowed to do it for fun.
#every time I write I take a peek at my brain and it's just Steven Moffatt in there yes-anding himself#and I have to remind myself that that's okay#I don't know how he got in there but if I am responsible for keeping him captive so be it
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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going to bed at 9.30 :((((( because i need to wake up at 5am :(((((((( to get a train to london :(((((((((((((
#a triple badness#i just keep reminding myself#in 12 hours i will have consumed a delicious mcdonalds breakfast
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summore misc NU doodles
#nicktoons unite#danny phantom#jimmy neutron#spongebob squarepants#the fairly oddparents#dewdles#i didnt forget to post on tumblr this time i just..... procrastinated#i keep reminding myself all the time but id always be like 'ill do it tomorrow' *does not do it tomorrow*
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my love for palestine is stronger than my hatred for zionists. my love for palestine is stronger than my hatred for zionists. my love for palestine is stronger than my hatred for zionists.
#i keep seeing horrific videos and i just feel so much rage and hatred boil up in my chest against those who are supporting this suffering#but i have to remind myself#my love for palestine is stronger than my hatred for zionists#palestine#free palestine
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maknae line + gestures of love 🫰🏼💋🫶🏼🌹🤟🏼 happy birthday @jkvjimin! ♡
#jungkook#jungkook*#tae#taehyung*#jimin#jimin*#btsedit#btsgif#dailybts#userpat#underbetelgeuse#trackofthesoul#usersevn#annietrack#usersky#usersan#usermaggie#*gifs#comp#happy birthday darling pat!!!#just a reminder that me and vminkook love you!#i hope you have the best day full of even more love than this bc you deserve it#you put so much of it out into the world yourself that it should only ever come back to you tenfold#i actually made something kinda cohesive?! at least in the first half...feels like it loses its steam a bit after the 10th gif lol#this was only supposed to be 12 gifs but i had more time to keep it going so it ended up being 18 whoops#this is scheduled so i hope it's posting at the proper time (zone ahem)#ALSO at first i arranged this in their age order but i switched jimin and jk's place so it would spell out jk + v + jimin like your url :)#i hope you like this! i'm kinda jealous even tho i made it lol it's quite pretty if i do say so myself#yes i put a heart overlay on the gifs against a white bg to keep the color scheme going..idk i TRIED#p.s. to anyone seeing this and thinking you can't rb it bc it's dedicated to pat for her bday....WRONG! PLEASE REBLOG IT IF YOU LIKE IT! ty
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THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES
PROBLEM
The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?
SOLUTION
You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.
#disco elysium#thought cabinet#suicide tw#smth a little different#this is actually smth i would like to include in a full length one shot#but i think it’s gonna get edited p heavily for the fic this is just a first pass at it#but. i like this draft of it and i want to archive it#feels like me and all my loved ones have death on their minds most of the time lately…#reminding myself that keeping myself and all the ppl i care about on this earth is what everything is about#always and forever
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so I finished side order recently
#splatoon#pearl houzuki#agent 8#marina ida#acht mizuta#my stuff#inktober piece 2 :)#shoutout to my brother who reminded me i could replay the credits whenever because i had to get some extra refs for eight's model#and saved me from having to slog up the tower again#now if only splatoon could do that for every cutscene eh. please#i want to relive a lot of cutscenes and youre killing me for it splatoon#anyway did you know splatoon's official art has. well it wildly varies from piece to piece#they all follow like a very loose guidelines but also they all split off into their own things half the time#me with seven tabs of art trying to figure out if i want to do lines to separate pearl's fingers: so this one has lines but this one doesnt#'this one isnt relevant to this issue all fingers are splayed'#so in the end i just did whatever i wanted. i think that's a core tenet of art. do whatever you want. forever#also spent an inordinate amount of time trying to figure out what was etched into marina's headphones#im 98% sure it is the off the hook logo. but nothing save from booting up splatoon and checking myself would say for sure#and i didnt wanna boot up splatoon cause if i did then id inevitably be down a couple hours because 'oh well im here already. one run maybe'#but regardless!! im proud of how this came out even if i was supposed to have finished two days ago to keep with my schedule#especially the bg :) i think i did really good on that.#and eight's little smile i think thats the charm point of the whole piece and it took me about ten drafts to get it properly#i think i did good on that too.#im so enamored with splatoon rn help
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today i volunteered at a historic home gut rehab the local habitat for humanity is doing and got to scooch around in the crawlspace and cut bits of wood and use a nailgun. at one point the Head Guy asked if i knew how to use a table saw and i said "yes but not with confidence" and actually? i do know how to use a table saw with confidence. but confidence that the table saw hates its users and thirsts for blood
#theyre soo nastly they just keep going even when your hands are off the trigger and the wood is out of it#must treat them with respect#i did a wonderful job cutting wood and shed no blood to its thirsty maw#this reads like im afraid of them. I'm just calmly reminding myself it hates me and wants to kill me as i feed wood through it.#the chop saw however is mainly my friend
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I have read Fellowship of the Ring more times than I have cared to keep count and every time I read Boromir’s, well, possession for lack of a better word, I have read it in fear, in discomfort, in horror, indifferently.
This was, I think, the first time I read it in pity. I looked at all the plans Boromir was making, how he would save his beloved city, how obstinate he was in his belief that the men of Minas Tirith would not be corrupted when wielding the Ring against Sauron —and I felt sad. He’s waving his hands and hollering and part of him is desperate just for the Ring, of course he is, he’s been traveling beside it with no hope for months, but he’s also desperate for hope. He’s desperate for a chance to save his people, save his brother, save his city.
Moreover, every time he calls out the Elves or the Wizards, you have to remember that he doesn’t know them. All he knows is that he traveled almost a full year to get their advice and they send him on, in his eyes, a hopeless venture. The one hope they give him is Aragorn, who promises to return and help save Minas Tirith with him, but even that all changes once Gandalf dies. They come to Lothlorien and of course it’s a welcome break, but they cannot, or maybe in Boromir’s eyes will not, help his people. And once they leave, Aragorn assumes his role as leader of the Fellowship in Gandalf’s stead more permanently and suddenly even that one, brief, uncertain hope of his is gone. Aragorn will follow Frodo. And it’s almost certain that Frodo will not go to Minas Tirith.
So is it any wonder, really, that tired, desperate, hopeless Boromir, out of his realm, out of his depth, already hanging by a thread when he joins the Fellowship and having been gnawed on by the Ring for months upon months afterwards, finally snaps once it’s clear that he will have to return home empty-handed and almost certain that somewhere far away Sauron is capturing the Ring and killing the companions that he had bonded with? Of course part of the Ring is making him lust for power, but it’s also his only “reliable” (in his mind) source of hope left to save his city.
And so I read Boromir’s (intelligent and thought out, mind you) raving and I don’t feel scared for Frodo, not after reading it so many times and knowing what ultimately happens, but sorrow for Boromir.
#hey yeah sorry if I keep repeating myself in this#I can just never seem to find the right words to properly express what I want to say#So I ramble on until I think I’ve thoroughly covered it#So sorry about that#but also friendly reminder that Boromir is an intelligent military leader#Whose fatal flaw was deeply loving his city a bit too much#And an inability to accept hope after so long being denied it#I’ll probably make a separate post after I read his death on his relationship with hope and how Aragorn “Estel” Ranger factors into that#but for rn it’s sad Boromir hours :/#the lord of the rings#kiki re-re-re-reads the lord of the rings#just yelling into the void#boromir#the fellowship of the ring#minas tirith#aragorn#gandalf#frodo baggins#elves#the ring
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Okay now where's the Seb teddy bear so I can make them kiss each other!?
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#okay btw you can credit the last frame to suzuki#bcs she brought up the pig stuffed animal that seb kept as a good luck charm when he was karting#and suggested the same with fernando's bear :DDD#also feeling weirdly sappy abt the fact that theres pics of fernando in the ferrari garage w an almost identical pig like ??????#anyways please yes have this random vettonso comic 🥰🥰#im working on a bigger vettonso drawing rn so i made this quick in the meantime!#icl i saw the fernando teddy bear. and i made the eyebrow post and whatever#but there was also just this image in the back haunting me of him gifting one to seb#I AM DELUSIONAL!!!#its just so cute to imagine it as like 'heres a memento of me to keep you company' 🥺🥺🥺🥺#funny tho cause i had the same exact imagine for my ocs and i never drew a comic version for them yet drew this real quick#the power of vettonso takes hold of me sometimes.....#tfw you take a break from your vettonso painting youve been working on for a wk+ to go draw a vettonso comic#i have a problem.#ANYWAYS THIS IS SO CUTE WAAAHHHH#drew it as cope bcs in trying to restrain myself from buying the fernando teddy bear#if i cant have it ill make seb have it yknow 🤭🤭🤭#wah this reminded i should draw more little comics theyre not too hard tbh#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#catie.art
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I went to see an opera about the jazz age and then, while biking back home, stopped dead to listen to some performers at a street fair sing "Dust in the Wind"---at least, before they lurched into a laughing "Happy Birthday" at the crowd's request. I pedaled the rest of the way home singing to myself, so actually, everything in the world is wonderful and good. I can't believe my brain repeatedly tricks me into thinking otherwise.
#you know how I wrote that post about the pit of despair?#what that post doesn't explore is how giddy and joyful you feel once you're out of the pit.#once you're in the sunshine listening to someone play the electric violin it's the highest high you can imagine#it's better than drugs. it's better than sex. I am only just keeping myself from weeping out of sheer abject joy.#I got drinks with old handsome boss; I met with a former coworker for breakfast#I went to museums. I went to the opera. I cleaned my apartment. I even did work!#(also I finally got a drink at the schlitz tied house! that's been on my bucket list for a while now)#to live in the world and occasionally be reminded of how much there is in it is......well. it's all and everything.#celestial emporium of benevolent knowledge
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shares part of my angsty fic with no context
Bruce didn't give a speech at his parents funeral. Alfred had offered it to him, crouched at the threshold of his parents wardrobe, peering through the trousers and dresses and long coats Bruce had hidden himself in.
In those days Bruce often hid in his parents wardrobe. He'd been a people-shy child, had often spent dinners and events hidden in his mothers skirts or clutching his fathers pant leg. Martha used to gently tug his hair, tell him to 'go say hello bumblebee' and always welcomed him back to the shelter of her skirts with a laugh and a cloud of rich perfume. Thomas used to haul him up by his jacket, tuck him under his arm like a football and gently squish him until Bruce was laughing too hard to be shy.
Years later Bruce will remember the texture of his fathers favourite dress pants clenched under his hands better than the sound of his fathers voice.
So Bruce hides in the wardrobe, pretending that it's just another boring dinner and he's safe in the shadow between his parents.
#bruce wayne#thomas wayne#martha wayne#alfred pennyworth#all u need to know is im putting bruce in the fucking blender#if u get the parallels of bruce hiding in his mothers skirt/his parents shadows and the robins sheltering in batmans cape i love u#its 1am i NEED to go to bed but i wrote 17 pages of fanfic tonight. everyone please clap#martha calling bruce bumblebee is just for me... kids need silly nicknames#(reminder to myself ->) figure out a writing tag so u can keep track of this shit
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You know for comedians, you're all a little out of touch.
HACKS Season 3, Episode 4 "Join the Club"
#tw homophobia#hacks hbo#deborah vance#tvfilmgifs#tvgifs#tvandfilm#lgbtsource#tvedit#so many things i wanted to gif from ep 3#AND THEN EPISODE 4 HAPPENED#so much to unpack here friends#this was so personal to her#even when ava asks if she was defending her#she redirects with a joke#ahhhhhhhhhhhhh#ALSO THE STUFF ABOUT HER DAD AFTER THE DJ EP#JPL LOVE LOVE LOVE TO DROP INFO THAT IMMEDIATELY RECONTEXTULIZES WHAT WE'RE BEING SHOWN#and just the way i have to keep reminding myself she went a YEAR without ava's influence#she is so cut off and cold to those around her especially dj#because ava was the one that challenged her to open up#ava is the catalyst#and with out her it was SAFE and she regressed#AND NOW SHE'S BACK#the way she simultaneously can't be vulnerable enough to say she was defending ava and cares about her#but also absolutely the INTERPRETATION for more is there#and i actually can't handle people acting like they KNOW it's difinitively not that
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