#i just just kind of love everything about this image
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so long (worst!wolverine x reader)
warnings: +18 minors do not interact, smut, fluff, female!reader, worst!wolverine, change of events, after d&w.
a/n: hi! since d&w got on disney+ i just had to rewatch it and had this idea. please note that this is my first fic ever and that english isn’t my first language. also, i can’t write wade accurately so here is my messy attempt. sorry in advance for any mistake (or if this seems to messy) and feedback is much appreciated. love, carol ♡
you and logan had a life together, both teacher at charle's institute. your relationship with him blossomed through late sleepless nights in the kitchen, when you listened to the older man, appreciating the little he shared with you everyday.
it was evident that you two grew close as each day passed. after lingering touches and stares, stollen kisses in empty classrooms, you eventually got together and boy, were you happy.
you had it all, you knew each other like the palm of your hand. you were logan's harbor and he was your safe haven. you saw how he would get when the nightmares were too much, feeling the urge to drink his worries away. you saw his flaws and his sins and still you stood by.
that's what made logan wonder at first. it made him wonder how a girl sweet and kind like you wasn't terrified by the thought of him. he would often even wonder what kind of good thing he did to have you only listening to him in the first place.
so, when that tragic night came, logan got reminded of how he didn't deserve any good, how everything of his always had a way to be taken, ruined. he was coming home from the bar, a solo mission went wrong, he decided to stop to drink it away before collapsing in your arms. he knew you would be home, you were always home.
until you weren't.
he got to the mansion to find it filled with dead bodies, jean, scott, storm, hank... everyone, it was a blood bath. logan's first thought was you. running into your shared bedroom, he searched, spent days looking through the damn corpses but there were no traces of you, nothing for him to mourn over.
logan turned to alcohol and self hatred, his healing abilities now appearing as a curse, as if nothing was hard enough to numb him from the pain of it all.
the day wade (or whatever was his name) came in saying that he would take him out of there, logan didn’t even flinch. if he didn’t have you, there was nothing holding him back to his timeline.
here he was now, storming in to help deadpool, the guy who gave him a second chance, stoping cassandra with the time reaper. his mind was filled with memory of the journey he had gone through, but not only.
through his head flew images of you. your smile, your eyes, your small almost unnoticeable freckles, the way your nose scrunched when you laughed and the way your cheeks always seemed to turn a warm pink shade around him. images of you underneath and on top of him, holding him or sleeping tightly in his embrace. memories of slow mornings tangled on each other and late nights spent panting.
after all was safe and sound, after wade’s world was no longer endangered, logan gave himself a second chance too. he let himself be friends with wade, agreeing to live with him until he figured something out. he always did.
wade, cheery as ever, took logan to his building, wanting him to meet blind al, the so infamous roommate. after climbing up the stairs logan feels a perfume he hadn’t felt in years. he turned to see you shuffling through your keys, trying to enter the apartment. you didn’t even have to turn his way.
it was you.
logan stood frozen, trying to figure out if this was another one of life’s tricks to him.
“peanunt, that’s y/n, she’s a sweet girl, but you’re literally drooling you nasty dog” wade says, and that’s when you turn to the two men, hearing your name coming from the mouth of your chatty neighbor.
the sight in front of you made your heart stop. was it your logan? could it be? or was it just another nightmare about the love of your life, just for you to wake to an empty cold bed?
your brows furrow as you look at him. he was older, thinner even despite his still very defined muscles. you were sure this was your logan from the way he looked at you, his hazel eyes seeming worn over but with the same love inside of them.
“lo-logan?”
“y/n?”
your breath hitched on your throat as tears fall down your face. you run to logan, wrapping your arms tightly around him. if this was a dream, you wanted to hug him for one last time, to atleast try to feel his embrace, his touch.
logan hugged you back, bringing your smaller body to his chest as he crouched to whisper, crying too. “is this really you? y/n, oh god”
you pull your head back to look into his eyes, meeting his hazel orbs.
it was your logan.
“i-i can’t believe…” your voice comes out shaky, small even as you look at the man. dirty, rugged and with stains of blood everywhere, but he was your man.
“oh darling… god darling girl” his voice is small too, contrasting with his own appearance. you wrap your arms securely around his neck once again, crying in pure bliss as his large arms came to wrap around your waist.
“i missed you so much” you say between sobs against his neck. “how-how did you get here?” he asks, finally finding all of his worries dissipating in your embrace.
“on the night of the attack… a portal opened and I came here, I had no idea how to go back, how to go back to you lo-” you say almost out of breath, feeling his hand now softly combing through your hair.
logan pulls back to look at you in the eyes, his fingers brushing softly against your cheek as he whispered “beautiful” and brings his lips to yours.
there’s no point in denying the hurry of the kiss, the desperation and the longing cursing through your veins. of course there’s always someone to wreck the party.
“peanut? honey? am i missing something or are we starting to make out with greasy strangers in the hallways now?” deadpool’s voice interrupts.
logan grunts and turns back to him, giving him a glare. “she was, is, the one i told you about” the wolverine says surprinsingly soft.
you smile and add shyly “he’s the one i told you about”, logan looks at you tenderly, a reminder of the love still in him. the love that he had burried deep down after that night.
“honey? you had no will to tell me that THE MAN YOU WERE FUCKING NASTY BACK IN YOUR TIMELINE WAS THE WOLVERINE?” wade adds excitedly.
you and logan both roll your eyes, you blush and turn to your neighbor. “i don’t know if he was going up to meet blind al, but i’m going to keep him for the night”
“don’t make too much noise”
before you pull your long lost lover inside with you into your apartment he turns back. “hey, wade… thank you”.
after that he was on you, door closed as he pinned you against it, arms wrapping around you, your own traveling down the hoodie he was wearing. your lips meet in a searing kiss, his tongue not taking much time in entering your mouth, joining your own in a slow and long known dance.
this was home.
“my bedroom his down the hall” you say between kisses and logan pulls you to wrap your legs around his torso, bringing you to your own bedroom. once you’re there he lays you against the bed gently, taking off his hoodie and moving to remove the tank top you were wearing, nothing underneath.
“what a fucking sight” he whispers, the rough tone contrasting with the love his gaze held, his eyes turning a deep shade of forest greeen now. reaching down, he kisses your neck, bitting and nibbling on the tender skin under his mouth.
"i- i need you logan" you say gravely, voice filled with need and passion. you remove your jeans and panties, laying bare under him now. "what a sight, princess" he hums against your hear, letting out a soft groan as he feels your desperate hands fumbling with his pants.
not longer after that, logan was moving inside you, his movements desperate as your manicured nails dig into the flesh of his back. his hands travel sloppily down your body, massaging the soft skin.
"i love you logan, i love you" you manage to say between moans, head thrown back in pleasure as you feel your high approaching. his hips grew more erratic, your words making his need grow "you'll be the death of me darlin' " he says between pants.
you feel the familiar stretch of his large cock on you, the familiar pleasure his calloused hands bring you. but you also see the depth of his eyes. the love and longing they carry. he shifts, now kneeling as his hands grasp at your hips, tight enough to bruise.
from the new angle it all feels too much and you can't even begin to process it until it's happening. "oh logan..." you almost scream in pure bliss, your whole body convulsing as your eyes roll to the back of your head, your juices spilling all over him.
the sight is too much for logan as he cums inside of you, the feel of his warm seed filling you up, making you squirm. he collapses on top of you, his hands anchoring his body as he looks you in the eye, still inside of you. "i love you so much princess"
you can only smile, new tears threatening to roll down your cheeks as you looked at the man that was, is, everything to you. in that moment you know it'll be alright, and he knows, feels it too.
as long as you've got each other, it'll be alright.
#worst!logan howlett#worst!wolverine#worst!wolverine x reader#worst!logan x reader#logan howlett x fem!reader#logan howlett comfort#logan howlett fluff#logan howlet x reader#logan howlet smut#deadpool and wolverine#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#logan howlett x you
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Y'know, I may have an idea of why Janus hates Roman so much.
(besides the whole name reveal incident of course)
It always seemed that Janus kinda looked down on Roman even from the very start, but didn't make it clear until flattering him didn't give him what he wanted.
So he doesn't like Roman, and likely never really did, but why? They have a lot in common: dramatic flair, love of theater, fashionable and a fan of gossip, i think they'd at least have a friendly rivalry like pre-aa prinxiety did, so why not?
I think it's because their one key difference is too much to ignore (and no, I'm not talking about their hero/villain aesthetics, if anything they'd appreciate the banter they'd get from it).
Roman has an image to maintain. Janus does too, but his is much more based on personality, not perception. People want him to be the bad guy, and since it gets things done he'll play along.
Roman's the ego, his image is much more important to him.
Roman needs to be seen as the good guy, the hero. The only reason he's split from Remus is because Patton wants him to be a representation of everything good and pure about creativity. He's built his entire role around being a prince, knight, and hero, all of which are expected to prioritize honor, integrity, and altruism. He can't allow himself to be selfish, or it'll risk destroying the persona he has built for himself. Patton taught him that the right thing to do is put others before yourself, and he's already learned by now that his arrogance is a flaw that people disapprove of, so of course he'd think that committing to total selflessness would remedy his past mistakes (i.e. focusing on himself).
Janus, however, knows that Roman is holding himself back by doing this, and that if he were to stop caring so much about his image he'd be way better off. He also knows, though, that Roman won't realize that. He's too worried about maintaining his princely role to let himself be selfish, and Janus has no time for that.
What this leads to is Janus wanting Roman to stop caring what everyone else thinks and start caring about himself, and Roman going "you know what? I'm going to start caring about my image even more" and Janus just calling him an idiot for it.
This of course doesn't help, because when Janus is seen as the bad guy/villain to Roman's good guy/hero, it only makes him even more resistant to align himself with those ideals. What kind of hero agrees with a villain, anyway?
TLDR: Janus hates that Roman cares so much about his pride without realizing that he is Pride, and that not caring about it would be like not caring about himself.
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“You made yourself a different person than the one I loved” – on Kit’s letter, his projections & idea of Ty
aka where i try to make sense of kit’s letter in the context of who ty was to him. basically i think that understanding that kit may not have had an accurate image of ty in his head helps to contextualise why kit believes the things he does, regardless of whether they’re fair to ty or not. it makes more sense reading lines like:
“in all the world, kit had never met anyone he believed to be so incapable of evil”
“all his energy had gone into ty, all his devotion and hopes for the future”
because you can see so clearly how much kit was projecting onto ty. ty, more than a friend—or whatever you might call it—was also the personification of this new world and all it meant for kit. kit saw him as this overwhelming force of good, beautiful as an angel, someone who not only wouldn’t do evil but was “incapable” of it.
so you can kind of see why everything was lost for kit once ty went through with the necromancy: because by doing so he was breaking the image kit had of him. of ty as a saviour of sorts from kit’s previous life, the person who convinced him to stay, who made kit feel like he was really a part of something, something magical and exclusive that not everyone got to be.
further evidenced by other lines:
“he had been too fixated on losing ty to tell him what he needed to hear” -> kit knows he should have told ty much sooner how he really felt about the situation. kit knows he deflected and in various ways lied to ty about trying to bring livvy back. but kit had wanted to stay by ty’s side, stay included in ty’s plans, more than his desire to tell ty the truth that he hated the idea.
“you made yourself a different person than the one i loved” -> ty as a person being shaped by kit’s projections of all his hopes and dreams, the face of this new world kit was drawn into, the first person he really got close to after he was pulled from one world to another, the person who convinced him to stay.
was the “person [kit] loved” an accurate reflection of who ty really was, flaws and all? unlikely. and the image of ty in kit’s head didn’t allow room for the real ty’s complicated, overwhelming grief, either, and the ways he would try to cope with it: and i believe this is part of why kit was so shocked by what happened and why he’s still so angry at ty. because ty proved to him that he wasn’t what kit believed him to be, and so all of kit’s hopes for his new life came crumbling down.
do i think it’s fair to ty? no, i don’t. but i think both can be true: that kit is upset and had gone through a traumatic situation, and has valid feelings about it while also understanding that he had a very skewed perception of ty that wasn’t fair to him.
mostly i think we need more room for understanding ty’s feelings*. how it must have felt to lose his twin sister in a horrifying way, devised a plan that (to him) seemed completely reasonable** only to have his best friend switch up on him last minute, tell ty he loved him mid-ritual, later say he wished he’d never met ty and basically tell ty that he was selfish and then on top of that leave without saying goodbye.
i also stand by my belief that “how long do you think it will take you to forgive me” is something both ty and kit could/should be asking each other, not just one way around. i honestly don’t understand why both kit and ty would think only kit needs to forgive ty and not both ways. mostly i just don’t think the narrative that ty’s the only one who needs forgiving is very fair, or makes much sense with their characterisation + the context + what actually happened.
in sum, when kit says “you made yourself a different person than the one i loved”, the person he’s referring to is an idealised version of ty whom he had projected all his hopes and dreams for the future onto, and by going through with the necromancy ty completely shattered kit’s understanding of him. this is consistent with other lines in his letter: “you wanted that more than you wanted me”, “when you brought livvy back, you changed yourself” (did ty really change? or did he just prove to be different from kit’s idea of him? genuine question), and perhaps most strongly evidenced by this line: “i don’t know the person you are now. you took yourself away from me. i can’t forgive that.” i don’t understand why he can’t forgive ty for not being the person kit thought he was, nor how on earth ty was supposed to know this, but i digress.
* i hope this is addressed in TWP because between TDA and now, we’ve had FAR more insight into kit’s thought processes than ty’s and as such we’re only really seeing one side of the situation.
** i also think part of the glaring misunderstanding between kit and ty can be understood from their respective backgrounds. obviously for kit, growing up away from the shadowhunter world, something like necromancy is completely out of the question. the way it would be for you or me. but ty grew up in a world where bringing people back to life was something that could and had actually happened. so it’s a far crazier, more impossible idea to kit than it would’ve been to ty.
#kit x ty#kitty#ty blackthorn#kit herondale#tbh – i could write a LOT more on this as it’s something i’ve been wrestling over in my mind since the letter came out#but i’ll stop there for now!#the more i go back and reread bits from tda coupled with kit’s letter and newer content#the more i think he wasn’t really seeing ty as Ty the Real Person with flaws etc. and more of#this dream and a personification of everything good about the shadowhunter world + majorly putting ty on a pedestal#so no wonder kit was so violently shocked by this not being true. but equally idk how it makes sense to be so angry at ty for that? but#maybe that's just me lol#the dark artifices#tda#twp#cassandra clare
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I saw your twt about holding back on telling stories with serious and deep tones and it reminded me of an issue I had a while back. Im a south park fan and I loved reading deep analysis of the characters. and south park being south park, people dont take it seriously and think its just funny so it doesnt deserve deep analysis like other forms of media. I always came across comments saying "its not that deep" or "doing all of that for south park" and I used to hate that so much because why are you commenting that under the authors post? In media there is like a "spectrum" of how deep you are in it as a fan, and it doesn't make you less of a fan if you like to binge watch the show when you feel like it because its funny. Someone who makes fan fiction and psychoanalyses the characters doesnt make them a better fan than you. I hate "it's not deep" because it is that deep to me, I enjoy it, but it dismisses critical thinking and discourages deep discussions about our interests. I want to learn more about the turning point for eric cartman and the friendship dynamics between the main 4. I want to read psychoanalysis of the characters and understand why they do the things they do. I loved reading fan fics with an author that understood how the characters work and put them in situations while making it believable. Whether the content was deep and serious or lighthearted and silly. I don't see those as cringe at all. What I see as cringe is trying to downplay someones time and effort. you dont care for it. cool, just dont make it our problem.
I believe in recent years, this cringe and its not that deep mentality is linked to media literacy/reading comprehension issues. On top of the fact, that fandoms right now has been "normalized", so alot of mean and rude kids and adults are in this space not having a mature and respectful conversation and discussions, as well as zero fandom etiquette. (I understand the past wasnt this magical respectful place but this behaviour has increased compared to past years).
Please don't worry about making deep content, its super fun and there will be fans of what you write/draw that will definitely be into it.
GOSH anon you are absolutely right. cringe culture has done some serious damage to people's creativity and freedom of expression. doing things in earnest is now cringe to so many people (specifically that 18-21 age where they think they're better than everyone else and everything is cringe to them, image is everything) and they actually give you shit for it?? it's crazy. the most harmless thing in the world. whenever my hey arnold comics would leave my target audience on instagram i would get the meanest comments for no fucking reason, because i was taking hey arnold "seriously" (nevermind that hey arnold is probably the nicktoon with the most emotional depth and moments besides ginger but i digress) but hey at least i'm not the one losing my marbles over some random cartoon comic on the internet.
i think rudeness in general has been too normalized not just in fandom, but in social media in general. it's sad. the only thing you can do about it is be kind as much as you can to counterbalance it. i'd like to think that rubs off on people just like how being rude rubbed off on them.
i said that thing about holding back because i'm admittedly too hard on myself sometimes. no one is calling me cringe or making fun of me for what i do, thankfully, people have been super cool and supportive. and it means a lot to me because i'm very earnest about everything i create, even when i try to hold back. i literally cannot help being myself. it's all i know how to do. i'm just glad i was able to grow a platform where i'm free to be openly passionate about the things i like, talk about them and why i like them, the little things that i find fascinating, the emotions they make me feel, all of that shit is awesome and i wish more people did that.
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more modern AU
Halfway through the episode, there’s a faint beep of a keycard and the door clicks open. Gale turns down the volume and stands up just as someone appears past the corner with a single duffel slung over his shoulder.
"Gale! Holy shit!" Bucky greets loudly, dropping the duffel onto the bed and pulling Gale into a hearty hug. All the action coalesces into a big blur, but he's solid and warm, the first person Gale's touched so closely in months.
"Hey there," he manages, face held tight against the ribbed collar of Bucky's t-shirt.
Bucky smells like everything comforting: clean laundry, low-profile deodorant, a freshly sparked flint. And it has to be Bucky -- who else would have a keycard to the room? -- but Gale is just about knocked sideways by the sheer physical presence of him. Back then in Afghanistan, on truckloads of ephedra pills, Bucky had almost been thinner than even Gale. The person who stands before him now is hulking, both taller and broader than that rangy kid. Even his voice has thickened up rough with whatever he's been sucking through his lungs for the past few years. Which, judging by the Marlboros peeking out of his shirt pocket and Parliaments tossed onto the dresser, has been varied and plentiful.
It takes a second to overwrite his memory of Bucky with this current iteration, and another second to react. He pats at Bucky's back, then drops his arms when Bucky grabs him by the shoulders and pushes them apart so they can look at each other.
"Been awhile, huh? How've you been?" Bucky shakes him a bit. His expression is familiar, open and happy, the kind of smile that doesn't have to be earned, and all his other features fall into place around it.
"John," Gale says. Even to his own ears, he sounds genuinely delighted. "You grew up."
Bucky laughs. "Pretty sure I was grown back then, but I know what you mean. You too, Buck. You look good."
Gale is about to say, not as much as you, or nah, not me, but maybe that would seem like he's too fascinated with this transformation. So he doesn't.
"Do I still look psyops good?" he asks instead.
He can spot the moment Bucky processes this reference and connects it to the correct memory. "Even more so," he confirms, eyes crinkling up with another wide grin. "They need to start putting this mug on recruitment brochures, I've been saying that for years."
He gives Gale a final squeeze before turning too soon to unpack his bag. A wrinkled suit emerges, followed by a dopp kit. "Can you believe Croz is getting married?" he asks with his back toward Gale.
"Half the guys at Bagram got hitched before they even deployed," Gale points out, distracted, studying how Bucky's hair is still shorn down close, tapering to a dark point on his nape. The paleness of his upper arms peeks past his sleeves when he stretches out to toss a charging cord onto the pillow.
"Love," he crows. "What a beautiful journey."
He heads over to the bathroom, hanging his suit on the door hook and emptying his kit by the sounds of it. "We got like an hour, right? Do you mind if I shower? Need to get some steam going to unwrinkle this thing."
"Go ahead," Gale calls back.
"We'll catch up after!" Bucky hollers.
The door shuts and the water turns on. Gale punches the TV volume back up, though he's already forgotten what myth they were busting in the first place. Something on screen gets smashed with a hydraulic press before exploding and he watches vacantly. Finds himself thinking again about how much Bucky has changed; marveling at it, almost, that this man had somehow burst forth from that cocky little grunt, sharp-chinned and dwarfed under his helmet, turning to face him in the dark the first night they'd met. The image is still clear in Gale's mind, revealing itself as a core memory that's been lodged in there this entire time without his knowledge or permission.
Gale rubs at his eye, tries to override it with the static of pressure, but it doesn't do any good. The real thing is right on the other side of that wall.
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Death was inevitable.
You knew it, you felt it, you experienced it. All these years your existence as if was borrowed. Changing places, changing people, changing lives.
You didn't age. You didn't feel. You were stuck in the the neverending loop of lies and deception. You forgot who you were and where you came from.
Your jobs were unremarkable, your entourage - dull. No personal belongings, no memorabilia. Even your memories were almost gone.
It was a usual thing. You were spending your evening at work. For the last few months you were working at the restaurant. Blessed time. You could be on your own.
You heard the door open. But you did lock it.
"We're closed."
One look was enough to recognise her. Just a second and your heart almost burst from your chest. It was her. The inevitable, the dark, the devouring.
"Well, I opened the door. I hope you don't mind."
She was weirdly normal. No skull, no greens, no crown. She could fool anyone with this disguise.
"What are you doing here?" You were ready to protect yourself. Your magic was almost palpable.
"That's a weird question." She crossed her arms. "I came to see you."
"How did you find me?" You were hoping tables and chairs could slow her down. Even a second could be valuable.
"What kind of question is that?" Her amused laugh was an insult to the reality itself. "I never lost you."
"No. no. no." You shook your head in disbelief. "I am protected from your sight. Sorcerers..."
"Oh, those idiots..." She was adorable with her barely hidden disgust. "Noone can be hidden from me. And..."
With the wave of her hand all the obstacles disappeared.
"'... we're bound, my love. remember?"
With a flick of a wrist her way to you was covered in flowers. She made the first step.
"Stay where you are."
"Fine, fine." She looked around. "Nice place. You like working here?"
You couldn't believe it was really going on. Rio was almost polite. You were almost broken. What if she was telling the truth? What if you were never really hidden from her?
"Not much of a choice."
"Really? Sourceres lied to you about protection and they made your existence unbearable? And people call me evil."
"You are."
"How?" Rio was offended. Childish reaction to an unpleasant truth.
"You manipulate people into bringing you more souls."
"Oh, I do hope you're not being serious. I'm the guide, not a murderer. People always make their own choice."
Now it was your turn to laugh. Comedy indeed. With Rio having the main role.
"How dare you..." you took a few steps towards her. "When it comes to you, there's no choice at all. Not even an illusion. Not even for the living."
You were boiling with anger. You were shivering with fear. For so long you tried to avoid this.
"You're not being fair..."
"What are you doing here Rio?!"
"I want us to be together." She pointed to your heart. "I want you to come home with me."
Of course. Why even for a second you believed that you could be free. An illusion, your life without her was nothing more than a dream. She could easily shatter it with one word, with one move.
"We never had a home. We never..."
"Of course we did..." Images of your past appeared.
Yes, Rio did create a world for you. Just and simple. You could do whatever you wanted, you could be whoever you wanted. Everything was easy. And you were loved. Your home was with her.
"Rio..." Everything that was sleeping inside of you suddenly was awake. Yes, memories were appearing again. You felt overwhelmed. But then you gasped. No, you wouldn't allow her to trick you again. "... I won't allow you."
"I don't understand." Rio said under her breath. "I gave you the time and you're still angry."
Genuine confusion. A triumph for you.
"Time?"
"Yes, I gave you 100 years and you still don't want me..."
"You gave me?" lamps started flickering "I ran away from you!"
Oh, this was torture. Rio tried to get closer, but you raised your hand. A warning. The air itself started vibrating.
"The important part is..."
You invited the wind, it was silencing Rio.
"You wanted me to be trapped in your pocket dimension. You don't remember this? Veins of your world that were holding my wrists." You rolled up your sleeves. "Your creations always leave scars!"
"I made a mistake. I gave you the time...."
Rio's words were just an echo. You were once again reliving your worst nightmare. You were trapped. You were betrayed by someone you loved.
"What do you know about time?" You were so stupid to believe that you had a chance. You left the world you loved just to be dragged back in by someone who cursed you.
"I can heal them."
In a blink of an eye your scars disappeared. Painful reminder of your dreams, hopes and stupidity. How soothing it was to feel Rio's black power on you. Where the fuck was your survival instinct?
"It doesn't change anything. I left you."
"I wanted only to protect you."
"With a cage?" Now it was your time to show illusion. Shackles appeared around Rio's wrists, pulling her closer to you. "Do you feel protected?"
Where was her confidence? Where were her tricks? Those shackles were the weight of her guilt.
"I didn't want you to leave me like the others. It was the only way."
It was so simple for Rio. She didn't hesitate, she didn't think. It wasn't a game. It was so trivial.
"You broke me." You were choking on your tears. "You took away everything. Why tonight?"
"That day I broke the rules for you." Rio once again pointed to your heart. You remembered how her touch felt.
"I didn't ask you to."
"No." All the restraints disappeared. "You never had to."
One last step.
"You cursed me."
"I gave you the only thing I had." She touched your cheek. "And then I've made the worst mistake I ever could."
You hated her. How she was capable of showing deepest love and greatest disdain. Mistake? You were the one who had to pay for it. And now she was calling you back.
"We are bound." You shared the same black blood. Immortality. Her gift. What was the point of denying it?
You took the last step. It was so easy to find comfort in her embrace. There were tears in her eyes. Clouds of loyalty and promises.
Years of suffering were erased only because she called you. How could this be possible? Her breath on your skin was enough. It was so easy to give in. You shared the same life. It was so easy to convince yourself of her good intentions.
"Rio..."
"Let's go home my love."
Death was indeed inevitable.
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MOUTHWASHING SPOILERS !!
Ok I need to talk to someone about this so this poor innocent person is getting it in the reblogs.
THAT SCENE PUT ME OFF BUYING MOUTHWASHING ENTIRELY. NOT BECAUSE IT'S A BAD SCENE, IT'S NOT, IT'S BRILLIANT.
First of all, everything the person above said. It's just unsettling as a concept and it's really just like everything I don't like about certain aspects of body horror but I still think it's great as a segment. And idk, I think it's just the fact you have to do it over and over if you mess up and just the imagery of bro's organs getting rotated even though thank GOD I think that particular bit is just J*mmy hallucinating so while the other bad stuff happened that didn't, but that does also kind of imply that he just kept feeding curly The Thing and the resulting consequence just kept happening over and over again anyway until it didn't, which I don't want to think about! Also something about the static taking over the monitors right before if you mess up is also deeply unsettling but I guess it's better than what would've been on the monitors if they DIDN'T white out and the fact like curly's so fucked up already and he's in so much pain and can't really schmove because like pain but he still like leans forward a bit just EAUGHIGGJGJFJDHDHDJSGEK
Anyway, here is the problem. Gang, I am severely emetophobic.
Gang, I really love Curly and already wasn't a huge fan of the degree to which you have to hurt him to progress through the game but obviously that is the entire point of the game so I'm not saying that's a bad game choice or anything.
CHAT, I WATCHED A CLIP OF THE VALVE PUZZLE EARLIER AND DID NOT KNOW OF THE CONSEQUENCES SHOULD YOU GET IT WRONG.
my mutuals or just anyone who's reading this, please find a way to provide images of cute cats or something, im traumatised. pretending everything that happens in mouthwashing is a nightmare sequence bc an asteroid went past them at a safe distance the day before and curly was like "haha imagine that was close to us". none of what I've just said is meant to take away from or be a criticism of the game it is AMAZING. i just Do Not Want It Anymore
'eyy I am very much a body/gore/visceral horror person and I declare the Valve Puzzle segment in Mouthwashing to be the first scene in a horror piece to spur me to go "i dont like this :(" out loud in a long time.
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do you have any advice on like getting better with writing?
hey! i definitely do!! i’ve talked about this before but i have a lot of new readers, so ill start off by saying i’ve been writing for my entire life, and im 30 so thats a lot of years. if you’re a new writer, trust me i used to be there and good god if you guys could see the stuff i published in old fandoms 💀 really, really bad haha
i only say that because i by no means consider myself a great writer, there are fic writers in this space alone that i’m always so floored by and look up to…. but people have been very kind about my writing style and it’s something that took time to develop it’s not something i just “had”. outside of fic, i was a literature and creative writing major, and got very used to writing and workshopping pieces.
now! onto some actual advice —
1. read a lot and read more, but read stuff you actually like and not stuff you feel pressured to read. i love high brow litfic as much as the next pretentious english major, but i started writing a ton after reading a bunch of kindle unlimited romance because it was fun and it got me inspired
2. watch well written television for dialogue and pacing. people do not talk in proper english, they don’t say things eloquently, and there’s a lot of filler and fluff. that’s good! that’s real, so i love well written tv to show me how it’s done
3. get comfortable writing in weird ways. for years i used to sit down and be like “ah okay so chapter one” and then i was stuck, stalled out, and just felt bad about the process. when i started writing both aurora and tnt, i started in the middle. i had an image of a scene in my mind (for tnt it was actually the claim attempt) and i just wrote it out and then bounced around later
4. outlines are your friend! sometimes i’ll get a random line of dialogue in my head or an image but that doesn’t mean i’m ready to write it. i throw it in one big outline so i don’t lose it.
5. if you’re wanting to write really good smut i have two suggestions but please only do this to your personal comfort level. this is what works for me but do not make yourself uncomfortable— for good smut, i watch porn for reference and for good dirty talk, i listen to nsfw audio. i like to really write the visuals for smut and make it immersive but lol i haven’t experienced everything ive written about and logistics of the body are hard!! i usually find a video or an audio and let that help guide the imagery im writing.
6. be comfortable with the editing process. i know the temptation to post something the minute you finish it is there, but sleep on it. come back and edit it, read the dialogue out loud if you have to. i swear you’ll make the piece better just by leaving it and coming back.
7. don’t be afraid to post. most people are kind, and the worst thing that will happen is you don’t get a lot of notes. that’s okay, it’s a process.
8. research! as i’m writing anything, even a silly little oneshot, im doing research on something. i am hyper aware that im not korean and have never spoken korean or lived in korea, so for my fic i try my hardest to ground elements of that in reality. i truly cannot tell you how many hours ive spent reading like korean case law on revenge porn just for like 3 lines of dialogue. and you don’t have to go that crazy, i’m arguably too intense, but i do think some of that helps the story and the dialogue feel real.
9. describe something real- every place in my writing is based on something real. every apartment, hotel, cafe, venue, etc., they’re all either something i’ve found online or drawn from my life and use that to my advantage. i use apartment listings and save photographs, i do google map walks to see what neighborhoods look like, anything to get the feel of a place or an experience. for the christmas chapters of aurora, i watched hours of gwangju walking tour videos on youtube while i was writing just to understand how to describe their walk in the snow. it really helps me to have a visual that i can put words to.
10. find your weak points and see what other writers do differently. if you want to improve, you should find a small place to start. is it dialogue? overall plot? smut? etc. - i’ll never forget being on a creative writing retreat, and a very important writing professor said to me “everything you write is very pretty but you haven’t said anything. you have to decide to say something.” that feedback hurt, but sent me down a much better writing path when i realized where i was falling short and not challenging myself.
okay i hope some of this was helpful and if it’s a mess im sorry im on mobile. i really just love writing so deeply and will always talk about it, so i hope this was helpful 💗
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Tamaas (eventually Tamara)
Addressed as: Madam* (she/her)
Age: 23
Height: 5’0”
Occupation:
Main Skills: Shadowy, Watchful
Prominent Quirks: Melancholy
Closest to: The Urchins
*it's a form of address that feels strange compared to its Varchaasi equivalent, but she no longer has any claim to that title.
Backstory below the cut:
She never questioned her life, much like she never questioned her love for Mihir and her native Varchas. One rarely has to when all is well and life is easy.
She doesn’t understand why her brother did not share this contentedness. Fraternal twins, they were ever-close, sharing everything, but his interest in the Jewel-Turbaned Youth and his fanciful club was something that she simply could not get her mind around. The rest of the family paid it no mind—they’re harmless anyway. Let him have his fun.
She doesn’t know what it was that stopped her from retiring to bed that one fateful evening, a nagging in the back of her head that something was off. When she stepped back out into the yellow evening lamplight, a familiar shape slipping down the streets confirmed her intuition. Her brother made it as far as the Mirrored Gate before she clamped her hand around his wrist. Was he mirror-mad? What could he possibly be thinking? Who would want to leave the light, and to set sail on a steamer with a Tamaas captain he’d only met that morning? She’d argued with him, begging him to see sense, until they were both shouting. Deep in their quarrel, she’d barely noticed the shape in the mirror pressed up against his back until it was too late. It struck and he screamed, jerking to the side. Hand still latched around his arm, she slipped in turn, down the slope beyond the gate and both of their lives ended in an instant.
She’d later piece together what had happened from The Sympathetic Captain, most of her memories a blur, and Mihir knows, she’d had enough time on that ship to play her retelling back in her head in endless combinations. Before her brother had even met the ground, before his head had hit stone and his heart had stopped beating, he was Tamaas. As was she, not a fraction of a second later. The Captain had heard the commotion and was not far from the bottom of the cliff. She had insisted that the Captain take them both, that no one in the city would help them anymore. She had to get him to the next port where he could recover.
How his body had disappeared a day later, on a ship miles from the coast, was not one the Captain could answer, no matter how much she raged, how many objects in the cabin she smashed in her fugue. The Captain could only offer a sympathetic ear and a cup of tea.
When the ship finally docked in London she disappeared into the darkness, too ashamed of her grief to say goodbye. Her life was over, but somehow she would have to keep living, Tamaas or otherwise.
#my art#anyway new blorbo just dropped#tamara#also very normal about the sun#but differently#i haven't gotten there yet but she's going to meet ockham very soon#and are about to have a great time first overcoming the language barrier#and then the everything else#she initially thought ockham was mirror-mad#but as soon as they could understand each other well enough to learn hishertheir actual deal you bet she nearly had an aneurysm#coming from a culture where you fear what lurks in the Is-Not#only to become closest to a creature of the Is-Not#specifically courting the creatures she fears the most#ockham was also the one to ask her name and when she said she was simply tamaas#ockham said absolutely not try again and she eventually landed on tamara#initially it was a reminder of what she lost#but eventually simply was her name#there are also a lot of my notes on what i imagine varchaasi fashion looks like in that second image#based on a lot of older SE Asian clothing specifically cambodian#but with the added touch of living in perpetual summer heat and humidity#and a culture that does not do shadows#and doesn't have to deal with UV radiation#but if anyone wants to join me on the non-London fashion train#please talk to me i love this kind of worldbuilding
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might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.
any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc
#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by)#though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments#talkys#inspired by recent me and friend events#and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me.#and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect#but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person#and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes#its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio#but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being#ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly''#or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real !#just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em#long post#delete later#sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late#but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different#people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people#this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the#time. you can change yourself at any time.#ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling#part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info#like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life#but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em#some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things#and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^
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I love how this is essentially an old timey 'character working companionably in a creative workspace' picture AND how the perspective makes you feel like you are a spider up in the corner who is there to share in the productive energy so you can finally just get your homework done.
“Please excuse the sorry state of my cabin.”
#art#gorgeous lighting#and then!#you get noticed#0oo0'#and then this well pressed individual#rather than being concerned at your presence#is both hospitable AND apologize for their space simply looking as if it's actually used for its purpose#i bet there aren't even any old cobwebs in the corners of this immaculately dusted room#i just just kind of love everything about this image#i guess we could also be someone tall who is standing over the subject#but i like being a tiny spider better
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There's always a slight yearning in the back of my mind wishing I had been born in the right place, time, family situation, income level, etc. to have just lived in one single house for my entire life. Imagine being born in a place that still suits you, even through all of your personal evolutions and etc. The idea of deep familiarity with an area because you've lived and explored it for 40+ years, being encased in a web of memories and connections. Being able to clean out your old childhood bedroom and find personal artifacts, to dig in the yard and remember. I know those lives can still be plenty imperfect, but there's just something so seemingly solid and stable and Grounding about it that I sometimes wish I could have.. (At least from my outside perspective as someone who's moved around a bit geographically and even within the same area, never lives in the same house/ apartment /etc. for more than a few years usually.) Like... having a place that is printed upon, fully your own, rather than chronically a visitor, every thought of a space always tempered with the notion that one day soon you'll have to pack it all up again, etc. There's something peaceful about the permanence.
#I think also because I'm a very nostalgic person - THOUGH not in the way that somep poeple mean when they say nostalgia because I've realiz#ed that to some people apparently it means like.. more of a sad emotional thing? Or when I talk about being nostalgic they say 'me too' and#then describe how they're always depressed dwelling on the past wishing they could revisit it and replaying it and feeling sad and etc.#Whereas for me - it's not in a deep or emotional way at all. It's very detached - kind of like someone who is doing like a scientific#cataloguing of something? I don't feel any remorse or sadness or longing or sitting there sobbing for hours over people/pets I've lost or#etc. It's more like a fun contemplative excercise and extension of self analysis plus just documentation. Like I know your memory fades as#you get older OR even as stuff is actively ongoing humans have terrible recall - even the ones who are less emotional/more focused on#accuracy our minds still twist things or etc. SO I looove to have documentations of everything possible so that in the future I will have#as full and complete of a view of myself as I possibly can. sure the image will undoubtedly be a little distorted but having real evidence#of how something was at a time is very valuable. You look through old messages or letters or something and you always find other alternate#versions of yourself. Not in a worse way like inherently inferior Previous Models Of You who haven't yet been perfected but even just in a#neutral way like 'what they're saying is not a BAd thing but also is not how I would say that today.' etc. ANYWAY I find it really interest#ing to document and remember things and love revisiting the past - not in a sad way - but just like. curiosity. reminiscing and recalling#and filling in gaps. or trying to have the same feeling I felt at a previous time so I can remember what it was. Collecting information for#documentation purposes. Like for example - I would love to go back and tour all of my old childhood houses/apartments. Not to like#sit in the middleof them and cry and go 'ohhh my childhood waughhh' - but literally because I want to take detailed photographs so I#can remeber exatly what they looked like and recreate them in sims or some other digital way. Why? idk. just to gather the information. If#I ever live to like 80 years old and I'm still reflecting on my life curious about the dteails of it. I want to be able to fire up my#ancient windows 10 laptop I've kept all these years and open up the sims 4 and tour my old home with accuracy etc. ??#Not sure why really. Maybe an extension of how I generally care a lot about having an 'accurate' view of things? Like I would rather be#accurate than be happy. I don't understand 'ignorance is bliss' because I would always rather know. I always always in any situation am mor#focused on 'what is the well researched practical truth' than about 'how does this make me feel' or etc. Truth above ALL else even if it#were to make me miserable. Aka why I'm a 'boring' 'annoying' 'UM actually..' type of killjoy lol because it's very hard for me to understan#that some people can enjoy something or have a good time even not knowing the full facts of a situation or etc. BUT anyway. since that is#some core driver of my personality for whatever reason (just the plague of ennegram type 5 perhaps lol) maybe that also drives me to my#kind of minor obsession with like 'I must have a complete view and calatoguing of my life that is as accurate as possible within the means#i have' . Is it REALLY important for me to know the exact layout of on of my first childhood bedrooms? no. materially it does nothing for m#in life. BUT hey. it would make a great addition to the Accurate Life Story Catalogue lol. ANYWAY.. But I think a lot of wanting to live in#one place forever is not just the ease of documentation. but the sense of having a constant. Much of what i crave most in life is stability#& familiarity &routine bc of how my brain works. And it just would feel so good to be Settled. Never uproot again. One little place FOREVER
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i think one of my biggest (and only) gripes with procreate is that they dont have like. a masterlist of features their app has to offer. a full thorough ui navigation. because ive been using procreate for a couple years now and im still discovering preexisting features because they just. dont mention it anywhere
#like being able to drag and drop an image into the color pallette area to create a unique pallette from that image?#had to find that out through an instagram reel#procreate has a habit of compressing things almost Too much to make it less visually busy and more “beginner friendly”#which definitely works to an extent. its the easiest art program I've used to date. and that includes ibispaint#but they have an annoying habit of simply not Labeling Things#so they will have a lot of super cool and useful features that you wont even know exist because they dont tell you about it#and their app tutorials are very vague and don't actually seem to show you have to navigate the app.#they feel more like an ad than a tutorial#this is why procreate dreams has gotten flamed so bad i think#its not even that bad is the thing. its got tons of good features. but the ui is simply TOO simplified#everything is hidden in a dropdown of some kind#to the point that its not beginner friendly OR professional quality#because its equally unnavigatable for both#ANYWAYS im just yapping for the sake of yapping#i love procreate. its affordable and user friendly. theres just some very small inconveniences with its ui#i know nothing about developing and do not know what im talking about. for the record.#this is simply the ramblings of a humble artist who loves nothing more than to complain ❤️
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Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
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you ever like a piece of music so much you predict the events of the next few centuries and the end of the world in-between adulating the artist who made it?
#hes just like me fr#but also:#i wonder how *exactly* the harnankur was going to utilise the pale against the nuclear armaments of the bourgeoisie...#now i'm thinking like.... half-life and the resistance using the Borealis against the combine lol. what was rodionov doin there.#but... the deepest part of the pale named after rodionov... idk. some kind of entroponetic entanglement that transported the harnankur#into the deep pale also ate away memories and images of itself in elysium? bc nobody could recognise it anymore?#and people moved on and forgot - so everything about it vanished? beyond the love and the light there is nothing?#one man loved the music so much that when he was no longer furiously complimenting the artist... the artist vanished? screaming about#how much he is loved? that shit the phasmid said about not blinking or else they will disappear?#yeag. yeah .yeahehaeyhayehhafuafehnfo9aw3hr3ew#ion rodionov#txt#pjõl#disco elysium
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like no other to you, what you've done you cannot undo
#rahhhghfj#got this idea in my mind about like#hrmm#ban hammer risks everything for medkit#they cant be together and both know that#scy/the would not stand for it bro/ker would not stand for it win/dfo/rce would not stand for it#medkit would be risking evrything for him too#but after that after medkit is long gone ban hammer is left in the ruins of his decision his indulgence in regular mortal pleasures like#romance#i'd imagine he starts to lose himself a bit#he let himself become weak and he stopped doing his job properly just for medkit#probably disappointed the hell out of his momma!!#idk. some kind of image of him being completely alone and almost reverting to a feral state#clinging on to the remains of who he threw everything away for#lazing in what banland has become and turning into more of a myth to society#im articulating this way better than i did on twitter because i dont have the stupid character limit#i love them. i love my doomed forbidden enemies to lovers yuri where nothing goes well and theyre happy to have each other but the tragedy#is still inevitable#phighting#character death#tf i tag that with#major character death#medkit#medkit phighting#ban hammer#banhammer#roblox#ban hammer phighting#banhammer phighting#medhammer
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