#i just have a lot of rambling thoughts on this

[bookshopsbizarreblog]

I don't normally care to get involved in Tumblr discourse, but ik you prev so I'll share my thoughts <3. The first set is more in relation to your comment than the root post, but it's your comment that got me thinking.

While your argument makes some sense on paper, and the fundamental core of it is trying to affirm folks trans identities (always a good thing), it still rings a bit.... not necessarily gender essentialist, since that has connotations™, but rigid in terms of what gender means. There is no universal set of features, internal, external, experiential, or socially mandated, that encompass what it means to be any given gender. I'm sure this is something we agree on, barring possible quibbles about how self identification functions. If someone says they're a certain gender (or not, for that matter), you believe them. How they identify is in their hands.

But identifying one way now doesn't necessarily mean that all of their past experiences align with them as their present gender going through that. For some people, I'm sure it does. There is a whole lot of utility in recontextualizing one's past in that way, in, as you put it, declaring that they "[were] not experiencing it as women, they[ were] experiencing it as men who are being treated as women." Or whatever other gender is relevant for the given situation. But it's not necessarily universally true. Case in point, genderfluid people. Someone feeling nonbinary one day and like a man the next doesn't mean that their experiences within the self-identification of nonbinary are all retroactively male experiences. Again, I'm sure that's preaching to the choir here.

For binary trans folks, I can't imagine not applying a similar principle. If someone believed and was treated as though they were a specific gender growing up, and later discovered otherwise, how they choose to relate to and understand their past is their call. The root truth is that gender and identification is a complicated mess, and we are all constantly shifting in our relationships to society and ourselves. Even cis people can experience dysphoria and disconnect from their preferred gender. There's no one unified story for what it means to be any given person. We get to make those ourselves. It'd be completely valid for a trans man to look back at when he thought he was a girl, along with everything that came with it, and pick out the early signs that would lead to them deciding that being a girl didn't suit them without invalidating their previous experience with that gender. We don't have to understand ourselves as always having been one way or the other, even within a binary identification. We can, if it serves us. But it's an individual's decision.

Anywho, that's just my rambling thoughts on what you said. TL; DR - I agree overall with you but think there's room for individual nuance and different self-concepts.

Now to actually address the disconnect I see between you and OP lol

I don't feel like your two claims are contradictory, and the linking factor is empathy. Let's set aside everything else I said, just work with a spherical trans man in a frictionless vacuum someone who has always known they were a man in the wrong body, with all the frustrations and dysphoria that entails. As OP said, they will not have always passed, and will thus have first hand experience of how society treats women.

Now, does this make them a woman? Obviously not. Does this mean they experience it identically to how women do? Again, no (though I'd also argue against any one universal experience with sexism and harassment). But they can still get it. They can still understand how it feels to go through all that due to society's perceptions of women. And I think that's closer to the point OP is making. They're not arguing that being on the receiving end of misogyny makes trans men women.

They're just saying "we experience it too. We understand how painful it can be. Don't discount our pain, or our knowledge of it, just because we're men. You're ignoring a very real struggle many of us have gone through, and that also hurts."

At least that's my reading, prev. Feel free to disagree, and I'd love to hear your thoughts! I'm sure I've missed some things and have points people might quibble or clarify. Learning is a constant process and I'd appreciate feedback!

i think im going to lose my fucking mind actually.

this little make believe game that yall are playing where ur all pretending that we have always been passing as cis men is honestly just really sickening to read. as if trans men have never been sexually harassed or abused because society perceives us as women. im genuinely of the opinion that u all just do not believe trans men face misogyny and thats so unbelievably fucked up and just not based in reality. its actually disgusting and vile.

[sainz100]

Daniel Ricciardo and Max Verstappen in Tokyo ahead of the 2016 Japanese GP | x

[suzukiblu]

Day seven of “obligatory sugar baby Kon” behind the cut. tw: implications of past grooming/abuse and the inherent problems in someone who was in that situation trying to flirt with someone actually age-appropriate. prev: (( chrono || non-chrono ))

“. . . ‘fast’,” Kon echoes awkwardly, glancing down at their hands. Tim tries not to wince. He definitely sounds like an idiot or a prude or–whatever. Just incredibly, incredibly uncool. 

He has actually never felt less like a prude since getting to know Kon well enough to notice things like how good the bastard looks soaked in Kool-Aid, but now is just . . . really not the time for thoughts like those, yeah. 

“I, uh–I’ve never actually, um . . . with anyone, actually. Guy or not,” Tim half-admits, though it feels stupid that being a virgin is something to admit instead of just a statement of fact. Normally it wouldn’t be, is the thing, but he just really doesn’t want Kon to think he sounds lame or antisocial or . . . whatever, exactly. “I actually would literally not even know how to, uh . . . give you ‘tips’ or anything. Unless I had like, the prep time to do some research, I mean. It’s just, uh–I don't date much, to be honest. Or, uh. Pretty much at all? Like, you're definitely more experienced than I am either, uh, either way, like that's just–I don't do much of this stuff. Any of it. I have in fact gone out with exactly two girls in my life and they both were definitely, um–also the ones who were making the moves and all.” 

It's not that he never want to make a move, just usually he's too busy being way too in his own head about it or something else entirely or–

God, he is rambling so much, Tim realizes, repressing a cringe when he realizes how blankly Kon’s currently staring at him. Because it is very, very blankly, that Kon is staring at him. 

Crap. 

“Uh,” Tim says with a grimace. “Sorry. Um. If you were expecting something . . . faster, I mean.” 

Kon should definitely not have anything that fast if he’s thinking of himself as a product, Tim’s basically positive, but also that’s actually not any of his damn business, but also he definitely needs to look into Kon’s dating history just to add a few names to his list for when he finally goes supervillain and just maybe look into–

. . . Kon is still just staring blankly at him. 

Tim fails to repress the cringe this time. 

“Uh,” he attempts again. “Kon? Are you . . .?” 

Kon turns literally crimson and ducks his head, but also doesn’t actually stop staring at him. 

. . . alright then, Tim thinks. 

“I do like you. I like you a lot. Like–I like-like you a lot, if I have somehow managed to not be embarrassingly obvious about that at this point,” he tries, borderline flailing in the conversation now since Kon is apparently no longer willing to use his words and he was already not doing that great with it when Kon was using his words, and he can’t even talk with his hands or anything because he’s holding Kon’s hands like an actual grade schooler, except probably no one ever has held Kon’s hands like–no, no, he is not far enough down the supervillain pipeline to be able to finish that thought process and deal with the psychological consequences of having to not burn down the system about it, he really cannot do that at any point in the next ten to fifteen years whatsoever. “This isn't–I'm just–it's not me not wanting to . . . take some pictures, eventually. Just . . . maybe we could wait a bit on it. Stick with the streets and buildings for a little while longer, maybe?” 

He tries for a smile and also tries not to cringe again over how weak an attempt it feels like, and then has the uneasy and uncomfortable thought that actually doing anything like that isn’t even really–is that ethical, even? Even the idea of doing something like that? Kon doesn’t really know Robin all that well, no, but they’re on the same team and the same side, and they’re teammates and at least arguably friends, and Kon also doesn’t know he is Robin, and– 

“Um,” Kon says, his hands tightening just a bit around Tim’s and his face still blazingly and borderline inhumanly red as his head ducks a little lower and his mouth curves into what is, in fact, the most unfairly soft smile that Tim has ever seen on the bastard’s face. “We could do that, yeah.” 

Tim was thinking about something, probably? Which hopefully wasn’t something important, considering just how ruthlessly Kon just fried his brain out of his head. Which is not even reasonable or logical, because all Kon did was . . . well, imply he was fine taking things at Tim’s pace and not actually going to get immediately bored if he didn’t put out and was actually interested in just being together, and also did it while smiling at him like that. 

Alright, fine, Tim knows exactly why his stupid brain got itself fried. He’s still apparently embarrassingly easy, though. 

Well, that’s not exactly new information in regards to Kon anyway. 

[blossoms-phan]

tit summary/thoughts/spoilers under the cut!! <3

hiii wanted to make one of these just so I can ramble about everything bc what a crazy night LMAOO gonna make another post about the day so this is just about the show

my soul left my body when the lights went dark omfg, that is literally one of my favourite parts about concerts/live shows. the smoke and lights was a lot but the second they came out it’s like everything cleared up, i loveee how they come out with their backs to us and then the happy silly music when they’re running around saying hi hehehehe

the whole intro/beginning part was so fun i just loved the bits when they were just talking to us, canada love, the history of dnp/why we're all here etc etc. the dolls/diorama is such a fun little phistory recap, though i will say it was not as wild as i was maybe expecting or what they've done on other nights lol. they "wrestled" in the first one, nothing in the manchester apartment, "kissed" (69-ed lol) in the london one and that was it but they were all SO well made (shoutout pj and sophie), i loved phil's hoodie for the 2 apartment era hehe

role model or no-le model: very fun section, i wish i could tell you all the fill in the blanks we did but i can't remember for the life of me lol i shouted yaoi so loud for all of the lawyer dan ones but alas :( but i do remember lawyer dan writes erotica about timbits, then when the side by sides came up on the screens after it had been changed to "Phim Phbits" which made them both genuinely laugh it was so sweetie. we killed regular dan and doctor phil

phanspiracies were: toilet, clothes, tour bus and wedding. honestly very solid picks, it was so surreal seeing those "phan proof" comps of them wearing the same clothes on the screen down to the zoomed in picture of the underwear from the christmas cookies video 😭 the tour bus clip will never not be crazy but it was SO funny bc we cheered so loudly after phil said it was true that they shared the bed and dan was judging us but all i could think about is the stunned silence from phantwerp day one, i will never forget listening to that live and it's probably been so entertaining for them to see the shift from that lmao. the wedding edits were so funny dan was like "i know you had that as your desktop background for 6 years" and someone behind me was like "YES I DID", dan's little kick and cheeky smile at "i'm just opposed to anything traditional" ok sure

i can't remember which section this was during it was something to do with discussing a past era but phil said "maybe I was just horny" and i screamed lmao

the boxing segment ajdjkskjsf i have been waiting for it my entire goddamn life tbh and it was so fun. no one told me about the visuals on the screen ok why do they look so GOOD in them?? i wasn't actually expecting them to knock each other out or anything but it did seem a tinyy bit tamed down from what i've seen before, like they were being very gentle with each other lol but it was cute, the bite was still bite-y and the run around the theatre was craaaazy, the camera following them is so good lol

they yapped for moose. meese. meeses for a minute straight and i forgot it was supposed to be a bit it was so natural they're good at it whether they like it or not

oh yeah that's the other thing. they are fucking INCREDIBLE performers. like, they are so good at what they do and it was one of the highlights of my life getting to experience it irl. the show is incredibly well paced, the script is funny, the audience participation makes it but it's so insane to see how well they work together. the comfort and familiarity after so many years plays a huge part (there was a solid like 7 shoulder touches btw) but their dynamic is soooo good, they play off of each other so well. literally everything @cheekyvank described to me about dan as a performer is true. he was ALWAYS moving, he moves his mouth and bends and grooves and does the absolute most but it's soooo natural, like he has so much fun doing it. that man is a theatre kid all grown up and it's incredibly endearing but he's also a master, like he was MADE to be on a stage, he's so fucking good at balancing between roasting and teasing us and pointing out at people and winking and he called out someone filming without actually saying anything and it was so smooth and lowkey hot but also like jesus i didn't even risk TRYING to take a picture i am sooooooo scared of him. also thanks to you @jonsaremembers i was looking forward to the 4 g's all night, i am their geeky girlie forever and ever 🫶

and phil. oh my sweet precious baby angel. my heart was burstingggg with phil love all night. he is so, so so so good literally everything right with this world tbh. you can tell he has SO much fun on the stage as well, there's moments where his smile softens or he just looks out onto the audience and i want to shower him with love and affection (and we did! i honestly think one of the loudest screams was for "normal phil" during role model hehe). he is so effortlessly funny, the silly little run over to the microphone every time for the "hiatus" was one of my favourite bits of the show. i absolutely loved his getting real with us bit, it reminded me so much of his youtube videos- and i hope he knows how powerful and meaningful that "light entertainment" is for us. his voice was soooo soft and gentle it was like we were his children he was talking to which i guess we kind of are in this context. i love him forever and ever

sister daniel. INCREDIBLE follow up. i knew it was coming and nothing prepared me for Her. another part of the set design/production that is so well done, the visuals and the bass dropping when she comes out is SOOO fucking good. i have never screamed so loudly in my life. i would do anything she asked me to. the underwear were so fucking short i could not see a THINGGG like. fucking hell. lots of pulling the dress down and legs crossed/staying sat the whole time though lol which fair but the confessions and water spraying was fun, it will never not be funny when dan shames people for opening their mouths after they say it's sister daniel's bath water lmfaooo

the SONG!!!!!!!! the most fun. in the entire world. it's so good it's so fun. the lyrics, them going FULL boy band mode, the hands folding over and doob grab was infinitely more devastating irl. dan is so fucking good at the dance i love you forever terminal theatre kid and i think phil has reached the peak of how well he can do it and i want to give him his flowers for trying his damn best every time you keep doing you baby. the part where it kinda slows down and they're just doing the geekiest moves ever like those are my BABIESSS dfjksajdks standing up to rave with dnp in a room full of phannies was the highlight of my entire fucking life.

this was SO much longer than i anticipated and i'm probably still gonna go on about things as i remember it but it was genuinely the most fun and memorable night of my life. i love these two silly little guys so much, it was so surreal seeing them in person after over a decade and i would do anything to experience it again but i'm so, so grateful i got to do it once and i will cherish the memories forever. and this has only made me more insane about them and cemented the fact that i wholeheartedly believe they love us, this new era, and that they're not going away anytime soon so i WILL see you guys back on the internet and hopefully outside of it one day again too <3

(i lied here’s the one picture I took aka far from dan’s prying eyes during the part where they’re not there being gay getting out of their clothes)

[gingersnapwolves]

so I had some thoughts on the burnout post but didn't want to hijack it so this is just my own rambling attempt to process the feelings I've been struggling with for two days which obviously not everyone wants to read, thus my putting a read more

I've been crying off and on for the past couple days which is really no surprise, and I've been trying to avoid political news and political posts. In fact, after this I plan to hide the political tags for a while, heavily curate my Reddit experience, and then do I don't even know what with all my new free time

because I don't talk about it a lot here, this is my fandom space, my casual space, and I'll sometimes post about personal stuff but almost never politics, but I am actually very political. 'member of multiple political mailing lists, have marched in many protests, write postcards to swing state voters' political. and I want to talk a little about why this defeat feels different. because this crushed me in a way that 2016 did not.

the thing is. over the past few days I've seen a lot of people talking about how if you didn't realize Trump was going to win, you live in a bubble. and I think to a certain extent that's true. we all have our little echo chambers. but for me, at least, and a lot of the people I know, it wasn't just that. it was this core certainty that Trump would not win, could not win, because surely our country wasn't like that. surely our fellow Americans were not like that. it wasn't about competency or about policy. it was about basic human decency. and that's what I feel like we lost. not an election. but any remaining belief we had that people are basically good.

because it seems they're not. at least not around here. the cold hard fact at the end of the day is that the majority of our country looked at a senile, racist, fascist criminal grifter [eta: how could I forget rapist in that description?] and either actively wanted him to hold the highest office in the land, or just didn't care whether or not he did. they know exactly what he's going to do, and they're fine with it. and that hurts so much that it is nearly unbearable.

how do you move on from that? how do you cope with the fact that there's something so deeply rotten at the core of your fellow man? how do you deal with that? how do you fight back?

I am full of so much grief that I literally don't know where to put it.

so I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired. I'm nauseated. I'm angry. But most of all, I'm sad. I can't do it right now. and I think that's probably okay. I think in six weeks or six months I'll feel differently. but right now I just can't do it. and I think the most important thing really can be to take a step back and focus on something else. because I know these feelings are not productive. I know that there are still good people out there and there are still things worth fighting for. but right now, all I feel is this aching chasm where my faith in humanity used to be.

so I'm unplugging - not from fandom or tumblr, but from politics and news - for at least a little while. sometimes that's the most important thing to do if you want to still be able to get out of bed in the morning.

[reds-skull]

The frames of the video from the comic in the previous post. I experimented a lot with this, it was really fun to work with this chunky brush I found. Also the first time I draw the Reaper of Destruction as it was before Lumity!

More comments under the cut+a frame I ended up scrapping!

I'll go by order of appearance, because it's basically a chronological retelling of the events of part 1.

So the first frame is the least fancy because it was the first and I didn't nail down a style for this yet lol. It shows Ghost and Soap's first true meeting, in chapter 1, where Ghost helps Soap when he gets impaled by a rebar.

The second frame jumps to chapter 8, when Ghost first put Soap in Limbo. The triangle around them was a later addition, taken from the next frame. I love this scene, it's so fun to see it drawn out now :)

The third frame was the most important one to nail the style. I painted a whole frame, only to come back to it the next day and restart from almost 0.

This is the original third frame

They both show the same event - chapter 21, the second time Soap is thrown into Limbo. The difference is, one shows a more literal image of what happened, and the other is more symbolic.

And by now I think you know how much I love symbolism lol

What also bothered me with the scraped painting is that the composition isn't central, and the entire pose, while more dynamic, isn't fitting the mural feel the rest has.

There's an even earlier version of the scrapped painting, with Soap's face, but nowhere else there are faces in these series, so I went wild with it and covered it with flames. He had them behind him already, as the description of this scene in the fic says Soap had a helo of fire behind him.

(also hated how Limbo's victims looked in the scrapped version like... ew lol)

There wasn't a real reason to add the circles around Soap. I just wanted to lean more heavily into the mural style. But I took that circle motif to the end, after that, and added it to Ghost as well, hence the triangle.

Soap has one skeletal hand, and one palm. That one is on purpose, to show he's hanging in between life and death.

The fourth frame is pretty self-explanatory, it shows the part in chapter 21 where Soap gets the dark marks on his forearm. If the colors look weird in that one, it's because I messed with them so much I couldn't tell if they look good anymore on not

The fifth frame shows another favorite moment of mine, the moment Ghost gets his marks, the white tear tracks, when he finally notices Soap fighting in the void.

The sixth frame is my favorite of the bunch. Soap and Ghost, the triangle and circle combined. The moment they killed Graves, Ghost in full control of his subjects, Soap with his sword of white fire and army of burning moths. They look so scary in this one I love them

The seventh frame shows Void and Destruction. Void was straight forward, I've drawn it a few times before, but I had to make a more detailed design for Destruction, and I only had the very first sketches I made for Revenant AU to go off of, as well as Lumity's design. Idk why I designed Lumity before Destruction, but that's how it is. I wanted Destruction melting, like it can't handle its own heat.

The eighth frame is of Void and Destruction combining. In the fic they had in-between states, it didn't look like this, but for the sake of the video I thought it'd be nicer to have a clear frame of them combining.

The ninth and last frame is of our beloved Lumity. Their design is a little more detailed than the drawing I made a while back. This frame is also the only one that interacts with the foreground, aka Makarov. I think he was jump-scared, don't know how much that comes across.

Damn I had a lot to write. Well, when given the opportunity to ramble...

[a-chaotically-small-lunta]

Oh! I actually love this idea and thought about it way too much. And you NAILED some important points. Cause the only borrowers that wouldn’t be affected by this apocalypse would be those deep in the wilderness, like in super dangerous parts of the jungle or even deep into caverns that human’s hubris can’t reach.

Also I’ve always thought about when borrowers would be found cause time periods could impact that. Like ancient centuries would see them as a status symbol among humans. If you caught one that would mean great luck or fortune, or perhaps it meant you were smart enough to catch them. Go a little further into closer centuries and you have borrowers being sold as pets or slaves or even worse possibilities.

But then you get to this century, today, and everything you said would most likely be true. However, I can hear the debates over them. How one side would say they are humans and deserve human rights, while the other would say they are less than human and don’t deserve respect because they can’t do Real work, or something. Then there would be an argument about what makes something a human. Is it DNA? Size? Looks? Etc? Which that opens a whole new can of worms where ethics, ancestral history, eugenics, morals, religious contexts, and so many other things would get involved and that would be one hell of a shitstorm.

However if borrowers were found, we know there would be a whole community of people wanting to protect them and their way of life. It wouldn’t be the same as before, like you said their world would be gone and completely different, but they do have a small group of people who would, at least I hope so, fight for every borrower out there. I’m just saying that the g/t community would probably go and steal from places keeping borrowers prisoners. I would at least. I’ll go into a petsmart and break all the borrowers out of there. They can arrest me but that won’t stop me from doing it again when I get out!

*ahem* probably shouldn’t ramble too much eheheheh, anywho I have really thought about this concept a lot and I really like it cause it’s so complicated!

G/t Concept: Borrower Apocalypse

Borrowers are revealed to the entire world. Everyone, everywhere suddenly knows about them.

There are a lot more than the Humans expected.

A cheap, reliable "Borrower Detector" hits the market almost overnight.

In less than a month about 80% of domestic Borrowers have been found by homeowners, completely at their mercy.

Now, a decade later, The species has been scattered to the winds...

Borrowers got their rights far too late. And they're nothing but empty words on a piece of paper.

Kidnapping a Borrower is laughably easy. Anyone can do it. And the police response is mostly dependent on whether or not they gave a shit. The laws are basically unenforced.

So, half the species has fucked off into the wilderness, and the other half takes their chances with Humans. As 'equals', as pets, or as one of the lucky few who were able to stay hidden.

The Humans live another day in a changed world.

But Borrowers? Their 'world' ended a long time ago…

Basically: What if Humans suddenly gained an ability / technology that makes it impossible for Borrowers to hide? And what if they all get found at the same time with no real warning?

(Also trying a new format here. Less fluff / theatrics. I'm hoping a simple bullet-pointed list will make the concept more adaptable and open-ended. Please let me know your thoughts)

[writingescapades]

Another aspect of Rafayel that I like is how his character depicts trust. Trust is weird. As humans we do easily trust people. For example, you trust that your coworkers will do their work. You trust that stranger you pass by to not harm you. Similarly, Rafayel trusted the MC. Not just because she saved him but because she was there. When he was stranded, he said he thought he would die until she came along. There is always, always, the high possibility that your trust will be broken, but we always trust first.

But, when that trust is broken and when we are taught to be wary of people, we end up using trust as both a weapon and shield. We still do have to go around trusting people, but we cautiously trust. We never fully give our complete trust. We watch others for the slightest hint of their true intentions in order to run away before we get hurt.

I love how Rafayel depicts this complex relationship with trust because he really does want to trust MC / player but he can't. It's not just because of their past. Rafayel's hesitation speaks to another fact, we're not really taught how to trust people. And since every person is different, gaining someone's trust and feeling trust is difficult to define.

I also enjoy his back and forth behaviours around trust because it's not easily gained. There isn't one action or one saying that makes a person completely trust another person. At least not for everyone. MC / player can't just say "I love you" for Rafayel to think "Oh, I wholly trust you now". He questions and challenges these cello-tape solutions, and in that process, he develops, or is attempting to develop, an understanding of what trust means to him.

I lot of the dialogue he speaks in his tender moments, I often wonder if there is an echo, like Rafayel is advising himself. For example, when he tells the MC / player to rely on him more and not be perfect around him, I feel he's also telling himself to do that to the MC / player.

I'm rambling, but I just enjoy how the devs decided to play with trust in Rafayel. It's not just your standard, all humans are evil and incapable of goodness except that one person who is only capable of goodness trope. It's, how do I trust someone even if they carry the potential to hurt me? And this is something all humans struggle with, which makes Rafayel's journey all the more realistic.

[yourladyem]

Late Night Ramblings:

A Beetlejuice 2 Press Tour Observation

I noticed in several interviews Michael Keaton didn't really spend a lot of time with Winona Ryder and barely spoke about her compared to how he spoke about Catherine O'Hara at times. I watched him in one interview where he barely acknowledged her when she kept blatantly looking at him trying to make a point about something.

He kind of distanced himself a bit from her outside of the film. I noticed there weren't really any pictures of just them at events and they barely interacted together.

The cute BTS moments between them threw me off compared to how he was acting during the press tour and premiere. He clearly enjoys her and loves working with her. Loves making her laugh, too, and she does have a high opinion of him even after all of this time. She says she's completely comfortable around him, and he makes her feel safe. Probably more so than anyone else the way she talks about him. He calls her Noni, too, and says she's the sweetest. And the way he gently kept touching her in those BTS clips. The ETalk Canada one was definitely an exception. I think it showed more of his actual relationship with her.

Thought it was interesting compared to how he was acting in other interviews.

However, whenever he was asked about the romance between their characters in other interviews, he perked up and was slightly defensive of her only being his. 😅

Interviewer: "You're both fighting to be Winona's husband."

Keaton out of nowhere: "Yeah. Yeah. She likes me more a little bit!"

Immediately shoots his hand up saying he's better husband material for her than Justin as Rory. No debate.

"Ask her, she'll tell you. She said secretly wants to marry me!"

"Secretly we're kind of in love with each other! Secretly she wants to marry me!"

Admits they have incredible chemistry together and that Beetlejuice does anything she asks because he's in love with her. Keaton acted like it was his favorite subject.

Suddenly he was acting like, "She loves me! Only me! Nobody but me! We've wanted this for years and no one is taking this away from us including Tim! Nobody touches her! She's mine!"

The contrast was hilarious. Maybe he just hated some of the interviews. 😆

[goldbug127]

Spoilers for Transformers One!!!

And a warning for a lot of rambling that many will consider "looking into it too much" but this movie has infested my brain and I will have my say, whether you like it or not.

Anyway, I was thinking recently about how Orion Pax's first reaction to being shot by D-16 isn't sadness or anger or even pain, but shock, and how much deeper that makes this scene (and how much more heartbreaking✨️)

Lots of people have analysed the scene before and said that, though at first glance Orion looks to be jumping in the way to heroically sheild Sentinel, his real intentions were likely to try to get through to D-16. I agree with this wholeheartedly, but I think it adds several extra layers to realise that Orion wasn't expecting the blast.

There is a huge difference between not wanting to save Sentinel and not meaning to save him. The first implies a level of choice that I don't think Orion had. It implies that he willingly risked himself, knowing that D-16 would be effected by his death, in order to make a point. But that's not what happened.

As Orion moves in front of Sentinel, not to sheild him but to try and temporarily refocus D-16 away from him, he is talking. Orion calls out a "Stop!" that is actually cut off by D's blast. This shows to me that he was trying to do what he always had before, talk to his friend.

Orion wasn't expecting a blast because he was still holding on to what used to work for them. He wanted to have a conversation with someone he had known for so long and he thought he would have time.

Taking the hit in Sentinel's place wasn't a heroic gesture, it was a desperate attempt to call out to his friend one last time. And it served no purpose but to show how little they had come to know eachother.

It's why, when D-16 is frantically asking him why he would do that and he is likely asking himself the same question, he realises what's coming. He doesn't try to talk or explain himself this time because he knows now that there won't be time. Instead he just pleads.

But, like the first time I watched the movie, D-16 didn't see his shock. He only saw someone that should have been fighting with him step in front of their shared enemy - one of the only things still tying them together - to save him.

And so Megatron lets him fall.

[aliesbienish]

A study of wolves: part six

chapter one ✩ chapter two ✩ chapter three ✩ chapter four ✩ chapter five

“I’m sorry, but that’s not going to happen Lauren. I’m not interested in you like that,”

“Are you kidding?” She hissed, “and you’re interested in her?” Pointing a sharped clawed finger in your direction.

You prepared yourself for a polite no, but when Paul opened his mouth you thought you had misheard him.

“Absolutely.”

“Absolutely?” You queried as Lauren gaudy heels clicked away. “You didn’t have to say that, I’d have understood if you wanted to see her. We’re done with dinner anyway,”

“Trust me I didn’t say it because we’re busy, my answer would have been a no regardless.”

“And the other part?” Paul cocked in his head in confusion. “Telling her you’re interested in me? Was that just to get her off your case?”

It was amazing how insecure you were feeling, but you couldn’t help compare yourself to the blonde who just departed. The girl, while maybe a tad over the top, was clearly your typical small town beauty queen. Her platinum blonde hair, shiny clothes and pointed nails were of a stark contrast to your mud covered khaki and plaited hair littered with twigs. It felt like you were back in high school and that thought made you nauseas.

Normally you were more sure in yourself, but despite knowing Paul only a few days he seemed to destroy your sensibilities. For some reason your heart, despite your brains best logic, seemed to think that Paul could change the course of your future. You weren’t sure you were ready for the answer.

“Sorry, sorry. You absolutely don’t have to answer that. We can revert right back to before Lauren came over and pretend none of this happened if you like! I totally understand I’m probably not the type of girl you are usually in to, so don’t worry no need to let me down gently,”

“[Y/n],” he stated ending your panicked rambling. Grabbing onto your hand, he used his other to turn your blushing face so you were making eye contact. “Why wouldn’t you be the girl I’m typically interested in?”

“I know you don’t know me very well but this is it. I don’t have a girly, giggly side. I’m not the typical girl guys go for, especially guys like you.”

“Like me?”

“Well yeah. Attractive, smart, funny guys like you. I’m not their go to type,”

“You are assuming a lot about me, while simultaneously undermining how amazing you are. You aren’t doing either of us any favours.”

“What assumptions am I making?”

“My type in woman. Why did you think I was lying? I said nothing but the truth to Lauren.”

“But that means you’re…”

“Absolutely interested in you.”

“Oh. Can I ask why?”

“You can, but just know that it hurts me that you think it’s a valid question. I am interested in you because you are amazingly witty, so much so prior to the last five minutes I haven’t wiped the smile from my face. I’m interested because you are so insanely intelligent and passionate about what you do. I’m interested because you are openly kind and caring, and I can see how interested you are while still carefully respecting my boundaries. And I’m interested because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve seen, mud and all,”

“Right, is that all?” You gulped trying to make a joke, but instead your voice came out shaky and high pitched.

“Not even close. So now that I’ve made it abundantly clear how I feel, just tell me if I screwed up by clueing you in.” It was Paul’s turn to look anxious as he tried to pull back his hand still locked in yours.

You grabbed onto it, linking your fingers together. “No, you didn’t screw up. Quite the opposite really. I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since we meet. But don’t you think this is crazy, we have known each other for a few days? I’m not sure we should be feeling like this,”

“Just because it seems fast doesn’t mean it’s wrong.”

“I can’t imagine this ever feeling wrong,” You declared, biting your lips in anticipation.

“Me either, so who cares if some arbitrary rules say this is too fast. At risk of sounding like a cliche - if you know you know - and it sounds like we both know,”

“So does that mean we’re all in?”

“Absolutely,” Paul muttered as he placed his hand on the back of your head, gently pulling you towards him while giving you ample time to stop. Instead you leaned in pressing your lips gently to his. You could swear you felt sparks, and somehow kissing over discarded plates of chips in the corner of a small dinner was the best moment of your life.

“Well let’s hope we follow our subject matter.” You muttered as you reluctantly pulled away, “did you know wolves mate for life?”

Paul chuckled, you have no idea he thought.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆���₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

"That's hilarious," Jared chuckled moments after Paul shifted for parole and his day came spilling out through their connection. "You couldn't even make it a day without falling head over heels in love with her"

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Hi all, sorry for the delay - but I hope this absolute sap will get me back in your good graces! I am finally finished with uni so actually have some time on my hands now.

Ali x

[ask-the-colony-tree-siblings]

How did Riv find out about Saint's third eye? Also I find it kind of wild how they think the colony would care about their 'unusual features' when Riv is literally some kind of salamander hybrid slugcat or something like that lmao (not that I blame Saint for it, given their anxiety) ... though hypnotizing their way into the colony on the otherhand...

The first question will be answered later, (I’m too lazy to draw rn sorry lol) but I’m gonna ramble about the second thing you said now! I love rambling ✨

They think that the colony would hate them for not looking like normal slugcats because of things like in these two examples (from an old comic featuring one of Inv’s flashbacks) that were said to them when they were younger.

In the comic (don’t go look at it the art is so old lol) Inv says that they’re going to run away and find a nice slugcat family to adopt them, and Bountiful’s response is to basically call them a freak. When the thought of being driven out or killed for their odd appearance doesn’t scare Inv enough, she turns to posing the question of if Inv will leave Saint alone with her (not safe) or take them out into a dangerous world that will hate them (also not safe). By making Inv think that running away will get Saint hurt just as much as leaving them unprotected with her would, she makes it so both Inv and Saint stay with her.

Of course, eventually they both ran away anyways, but the idea that they’ll be hated for their appearances is still firmly implanted in their heads. Despite the colony’s obvious diversity, they’re still scared that they’re too different.

But, they’re starting to grow away from that internalized idea of “we’re not normal (derogatory)” and are heading more in a “nobody’s normal (positive)” direction! Inv’s best friend, Riv, was the first to know about the siblings’ true appearances, and had the polar opposite reaction to what Bountiful had said would happen. Riv though that they both looked very cool, and was confused as to why they’d ever hide that. The siblings are starting to question what they were taught, but still think it’s too risky to be themselves.

The growth is visible in the banner change btw! In the current banner, Saint is wearing a bandanna instead of a hat. The bandanna shows a lot more of their face, but it still hides their third eye. Inv’s wearing their sunglasses on their forehead in the new banner, not covering their eyes. It isn’t that big of a change, but you can still see that they’re not hiding quite so much of themselves anymore. :3

(Inv doesn’t realize they were ever manipulated by Bountiful, by the way. They think that Bountiful was crazy manipulative with Saint, but never bothered with them. While it’s true that she manipulated Saint more, Inv wasn’t spared from her influence. It’s definitely something that will be part of their arc later, so I thought I’d throw this part of their character out there, since I’m not sure if people have picked up on it yet lmao)

[beelanddiavolosimp-blog]

How the brothers would react to a Fem MC on their period

I tried to include most of what happens during periods here. I myself have heavily painful ones that make me throw up and they cause me severe mood swings and break outs on my face (and severe horniness). But I know others can be light and only have certain aspects like breaking out or just mood swings instead so I tried to make it more inclusive.

Lucifer

He didn't know at first what a period was until you explained it to him. Once you did he decided to prepare ahead of time with chocolate, medicine, and heated pads/blankets. When it hit though with your mood swings and severe pain he was not so prepared. He internally panicked and took your attitude to heart but after everything was over he understood. He definitely didn't expect you to attack him or watch him with such lustful eyes. Again he knew you'd become like this but he still was overwhelmed not uncomfortable just surprised.(He is actually very afraid of you when on your period)

Mammon

His dumbass didn't know what a period was either. Explaining it to him is a long drawn out process but he eventually got the concept. He did forget though so when it did hit he panicked completely. Your mood swings made him bratty and he ate your snacks by accident causing more fights. When you are in pain he actually sits and holds you resting his hand on your lower stomach which helps a lot. He does love the amount of attention he receives when you get that horny hormone. He loves loves when you're handsy and won't stop talking about everything sexy he does. But gets just as confused when you yell at him randomly.He still doesn't like your periods.

Levi

He panics immediately he knows about them from looking them up online after an anime talked about them. And he for some reason thought you'd attack him from anger and hormones. You actually are quite content just definitely uncomfortable. He helps to the best of his ability providing you your favorite snacks and warm blankets even his warmth. What he isn't prepared for is your horniess. since your hormones are off the charts you are basically all over him and he cannot take it without blowing up. He does love it tho if we are being honest.

Satan

He read books on human anatomy then went on a whole rabbit hole of human reproduction then the human organs just a huge loop hole. He does know but never dealt with it in person. Once it hit you though he never understood how vast the reactions could happen. One day you'll be completely fine the next you'll look so drawn out and tired barley moving or awake. The next day be completely glammed up and the next sad and covered up completely. He gets thrown through it with you. He does however help with the pain hating seeing you in such a state. The horniness he also wasn't prepared for. He didn't mind being attacked and kissed all over but the aggressive horniness took him very off guard. (The fucker enjoys it)

Asmos

Of course he knew he knows all he could of the human body. He feels awful anyone with a uterus has to go through so much discomfort or pain. He has a period bag ready more so a whole corner in his room for you. He hates seeing your skin break out as well from the incoming headache. He even buys cotton underwear for you to wear. He has to keep his diva down with your mood swings or it'd be a hissy fit. The horniness is completely welcome and he knows the big O can definitely help with period cramps so of course he helps with no complaints.

Beel

He did actually know of this from Lilith since she was an angel she didn't exactly get them but she found out about them and rambled on about it to him. He knew comfort and understanding was what was important during that time frame. So he got the comfiest blankets from belphie a fan for if you become too hot and even medicine and a trash bag and can in case the pain is too bad you get sick. He is perfect for cuddling and getting warmth so he doesn't protest when you drag him down to cuddle. The horniness wasn't something Lilith said would happen tho of course he helped but still a shocker. The mood swings he genuinely didn't know what to do besides sit and wait for you to calm down a bit with puppy eyes (they usually work)

Belphie

Oh god does he know about it. Same with beel he learned from Lilith but he just hoped he would never have to deal with it. He of course was the king of comfort so anything soft and warm was right up his alley. The pain he had medicine for you but he also just suggested letting you sleep through most of it with his powers. The horniness wasn't unwelcome and he wasn't grossed out either just surprised you became that heavily attracted to him all of a sudden. He didn't enjoy the mood swings since you two already bickered It just worsened. He still cuddled you even if it was after a fight because he's too in love with you to stay away.

[in-death-sacrifice]

Pleasant Suprise's

Lucanis Dellamorte x GN!Rook

(Antivan Crow Rogue)

Warning: Violence, Slight Angst, Hurt/Comfort (not proof read)

Summary: After a year of thinking he's dead, it's time to save him and bring him back only he's different this time

The mention of his name had made your blood run cold as the group were fangirling over the infamous assassin made you uneasy. That part of your past had to be buried after you joined Varric, using his work as a base to move forward from him. Treviso was never really the same once he disappeared the coffee shop visits with Illario didn't hit the same as the ones you did with him. You held onto hope that anything could happen that he still could have been okay despite everything. I mean the sky was ripped open in the south by a blighted self made god a few years ago...literally anything could happen.

You sat on the edge of Varric's bed as he rambled on about whatever information he could offer or the book he was thinking about writing as he healed. "You alright kid?" His rough voice startled you, breaking you out of his trance. You blinked at him, trying to get your brain to catch up with the conversation. Varric only chuckled, groaning lightly as he adjusted himself against the cushions. "Yeah...no I'm good, I think" you rambled looking over to the dwarf, your chin now resting on your hands. "Spit it out kid"

The sigh that left your lips was comical, earning another laugh from your companion. How could you just explain the situation? You weren't going to leave him in the prison they were keeping him in you knew that much, but so much had happened since then. You spent a lot of time mourning him, wishing there was something you could have done that made him listen to you when you asked him to stay away from the boat. " 'The Demon of Vyrantium'...I know him from the Crows" you began. Only to be cut off by another laugh, "I assumed that much kid, you are also a Crow or have you forgotten"

You scoffed, but his charm was working, the words felt easier to release in the peacefulness between the two of you. The trust and bond you had created with Dwarf often felt like it ran deep than hired help. "We have a past, we grew up together. Trained together. He was more than a friend" you said. Varric didn't chuckle this time, his eyes scanning for any signs of discomfort that you might have. "He's meant to be dead. I mourned him with his family- he was ambushed in the middle of the ocean before I could say anything"

Varric smiled sadly as you, his perception was something you were grateful for as you could see him reading between the lines of your admission. "I don't know if I'm ready to see a ghost" you whispered. Varric's heart broke looking at you, someone he's always admired for finding the humor in situations, keeping moral high and helping anyone they can. He's seen you walk through the streets handing out money to the unfortunates or having to wait for you to catch up as you pet one of the many cats that roamed the streets. It was like he was seeing a different person. "You've stopped a ritual, fought and entire group of antamnn 20 vs 1. You'll be able to handle it."

"It's not about handling it, it's just...weird. I worry he thought that I wasn't coming for him. Or worse...he's actually dead, and I'd have been given this slither of hope for it to be ripped away from me" you admitted. He didn't reply to that, he had no idea. Varric had seen so much, lost so much over the years. You knew he was understanding, listening to you but we didn't have a choice. If was alive you all needed him no matter what. Your footsteps echoed as you began to leave the room only pausing after Varric spoke your name. "You've got this kid...no matter what". You didn't reply, only giving the man a small nod before the door shut behind you.

The Venatori that greeted you was a welcome distraction as you and Neve passed through the compound with ease. "It's going to take weeks to get the sand out of my boots" you whispered under your breath as you began to break the crystals that held the barriers in your way only to then be met with yet another small group of Venatori. You were part way through peace talking, not that it was going to make a difference your hands itched to sink your blade for revenge - for either taking him away from you or killing him. The sound of feathers was loud as they whipped around the Venatori in a purple flash, you recognized the fight pattern your body freezing on the spot as you observed him work. He was there, right in front of you. You watched as the purple wings disappeared before he turned, holding your breath until your eyes fell upon his face.

Your legs wobbled as you finally made eye contact desperately trying to hold in the sob that threatened to be released. He has changed, you could tell. His body is leaner than you remembered, his eyes and skin having a slight purple glow...and that all without mentioning the new wings that he created moments ago. "L-Lucanis?" You whispered stepping forward. His eyes flashed with recognition his own body stiffening as they scanned your face taking in every detail. The new scars that littered your skin, the way your hair fell now. "Is it really you?" He whispered, his hands tightening around his daggers as he watched you creep closer. He had dreamed of being with you again, the feeling of your comfort as your hand held him. Your smell of that expensive perfume you insisted on buying at the markets. You nodded smiling brightly as you were finally in reach with him. His arms enveloped you first, his head buried in your neck as he took in your scent. "You're really alive?" You whispered. You felt him nod against you, his arms tightening not wanting to let you go. "Let's get you out of here"

The fire crackled as you sat in the common room, the flames dancing heating up the space. The stiffness in your body was the need to go through the door on your right and talk to him, say all those words you wanted to tell him when he returned from that trip a year ago. But he had changed, he wasn't your Lucanis anymore. Demon or no demon you weren't going to ignore him, you just needed to follow his lead. You didn't react when the door opened, or when his footsteps approached the other chair. The two of you stared into the flames finding comfort in the silence. "I never thought I would see you again...nor did I expect you to be the one to rescue me finally" he spoke. You almost felt hurt at the accusation from him about how much you cared. "If I knew where you were a year ago, that bitch would have been long dead" you spoke, venom lacing your tone. He looked at you again, spotting the bags under your eyes, the weight of expectations that now laid heavy against you with the looming threats on Thedas. "I'm happy to have back, there's no one else I'd want by my side during this than you Lucanis"

"Even with spite?"

You smiled at him sadly. The guilt and fear over his possession is laced throughout his features. "Even with spite" you whispered. His hand touched yours as he laced his fingers through yours, he felt himself needing the connection. "Does spite like coffee?" You questioned enjoying his touch. Lucanis chuckled, squeezing your hand. "Yes we can still go on our coffee dates"

[tendermiasma]

Hey, if someone did want to write a fic, what sort of characterization would you, as the creator, most want to see in Clover? I can think of quiet/untalkative, skittish, and delicate, but surely, there’s more?

And in what ways would you say that your Halsin most importantly differs from basic game Halsin?

I mean part of the fun for me is getting to see how people make inferences about him from all my drawings and ramblings. He's my guy, he obviously has a canon, but it would never be exactly as I'd write him because I'm not the one writing it! Fic is transformative etc etc. I've also witheld parts of his story because I want to draw them first lol (massive scar on his cheek? that old thing?). He's a hedge wizard who learned magic under great stress and his tether to the Fey gives it a strange tilt with a bunch of holes where basic things should be and nuance and knowledge in disturbing areas. His masterpost talks about that stuff especially in the Magic and Post-game life sections.

Also my job is to yap about him so if you have a burning question you can see I'm happy to answer.

Halsin-wise I guess honestly I've gotten people asking me how Halsin handles the poly situation but I don't really do anything with it because I care so little about it-- as in it barely crosses my mind lol. I suppose that's the main difference? If you have a great urge to add poly stuff, Clover wouldn't join is the extent of my thoughts. He's deeply attached romantically to one person and that was a hard road. I adore Halsin's character a lot so I wouldn't say he's vastly different nor do I claim to be 100% canonical because I love getting to interpret him working with what I have and my own biases. He's a guy I like to turn around in my head like a 3D object. You're going to write him how you see him too and again it's just fun to see.

[lovscb97]

synopsis: nerd!chan headcannons. that’s it. that’s the tweet.

tags: nerd!chan x cheerleader!fem!reader, fluff, meet cute, nerd!chan being in love, mentions of alcohol and drinking, kissing, nerd!chan being an inexperienced cutie, etc

wc: 1.48k

add. notes: while you guys wait for nerd!chan pt. 2 as i need to complete writing it and cannot really Do that w/ my current busy schedule (im nearing the end of first sem so i have lots of assignments #sad), i thought i’d treat u guys to some headcannons about him in the nerd!chan universe :3 enjoy!

pt. 1 / pt. 2 (coming soon!)

. . . 

#one. meeting you for the first time

chan has always been a shy kid. he doesn’t stray from his introverted bubble of close friends that he’s either grown up with or gotten to know through extra-curriculars, nor does he ever participate in social activities like parties the way most people in his university do. it’s his firm belief that he has no means to engage in stuff that will, in his words, lower his intelligence and distract him from his studies. he’s perfectly content remaining the way he is; a social outcast (according to changbin at least), because at the least in that sense he’s gaining something from not wallowing in alcohol every other night.

you, on the other hand, are actively always taking part in gatherings as such, having fun with your cheer girls and drinking to drown out the bitter reality of life (although you’d never admit that out loud). it’s your firm belief that college is for letting loose and having fun before entering the corporate world, and what better way to do that than to grind against strangers and throw away all your responsibilities for a night (or ten)? you don’t have too much regard for your studies, but you do have a strong policy on your social life.

it’s because of these reasons that in terms of both hierarchy and hobbies, you and chan couldn’t be any more different. you’re two sides of two separate coins, and if you were to swap lifestyles, you’re sure neither of your friends would recognise you both. what he likes, you loathe, and what you like, he loathes. so why did you do mesh so well? why did you two even begin this charade? 

and how in the everloving fuck did chan even get to know you in the first place? 

it all started before the first day of the first semester. orientation was about to finish right around the corner, and everyone was obviously buzzing with excitement on commencing their first term in university. one guy made the mistake of mentioning throwing a party at some nearby club, and it quickly spread to the entire group of first year students. naturally, it spread to you and your friend group, and it also just happened to spread to the small circle of chan’s best friends, who dragged his ass to the party the day of despite his incessant complaining that he wanted nothing to do with what was happening.

that was, until he saw you.

you’d had one too many shots to drink, stumbling into the balcony after having been separated from your friends and coincidentally landing up where chan just so happened to be admiring the scenery. he’d caught you in his arms as you lost your footing, heart racing and ears reddening at the sound of your drunk giggles. “i bet you’re a ladies man.” you’d teased him, raising a finger to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose, which only made him stutter even more. 

your friends eventually did come to find you and take you back with them, barely even batting an eye at chan who tried to make sure you were being cared for properly as his pleas and tips on handling a hangover the next day fell upon deaf ears. and when jisung and changbin came up to find him, he was completely out of it, stuck in a daze as he repeated all the random information about yourself that you’d rambled to him in his head. he’d pressed a single hand to his chest whilst ignoring his friend’s questions about what the hell he was doing, instead focusing on the feeling the rapid rhythmic beating of his heart under his palm.

it was that night, that chan's love for the moon transcended to his love for you.

#two. kissing you for the first time

chan is just as much of a nerd as they come in every cliche. 

when he met you, when he got to know you, and when he first began whatever twisted relationship he currently has with you, he was completely inexperienced. he knew next to nothing about pleasing a girl that wasn’t acquired from his knowledge of scouring the internet, and he also knew next to nothing about the world of pleasure he was in for. when you’d first leaned in to initiate a kiss, he’d merely pushed you away gently, gasping over his words as he tried to explain to you how new this was all to him.

but you didn’t mind. you didn’t mind that he’d never even gotten close to holding a girl’s hand unless he counted his elementary school crush, and you didn’t mind that he barely knew what to do with you. you didn’t mind that you had to teach him the ropes of everything (mostly because it fed into your corruption kink), and you didn’t mind it even when you had to reassure him you weren’t going to judge him as you got him to relax before leaning in once more.

and when your lips had touched his for the first time, chan swore he felt sparks fly. you were soft, and sweet, and real. instead of being a mere figment of his imagination or the skin of the back of his hand, your presence was electrifying. the way your mouth had moved against his, the way you’d let out a soft sigh at the feeling of it pressing back into him, and the way you’d pulled away and flashed him the prettiest smile he’d ever damn seen in his life before, it was all so dizzying. 

“you’re a pretty good kisser.” you’d winked at him afterwards, and he felt himself flush under your gaze which only made you double over in laughter. you’d even leaned in once more to plant another soft kiss on his lips before motioning for him to continue with whatever demand and supply topic he was teaching you about. chan didn’t give a fuck about that anymore though, the only thought on his mind the entirety of the rest of your study session how to get better at kissing you, and when he could look forward to doing it the next time.

#three. what he likes about you

if anyone asked chan what he likes about you, he’d be at a complete loss for words. not because there’s nothing he can come up with beyond superficial reasons, but because there’s too much that he has to say and isn’t sure of where to actually start.

chan isn’t even sure when he fell for you in the first place. yes, when he first met you that fated night on the balcony at that premature freshmen party he caught feelings for you, but those feelings snowballed and grew into something much larger as the days went on. each night was filled with replaying your conversation (although he barely spoke out of his shock upon seeing you) and wondering what it would be like to be in your presence once more. it got to the point that his friends began asking him why he was spacing out so much during classes and staring at one specific section of the lecture hall, but he didn’t have the courage to admit it was because of you sitting there. 

to simply put it, chan likes everything and nothing about you. he likes the fact that you’re nobody like he’s ever met before, you have a fire to yourself that nobody comes close to claiming, but you laugh sweet enough to extinguish that flame at the same time. something about you draws him in, tantalising and captivating in nature but all too consuming to the point he can’t get you out of his brain no matter how hard he tries. the time you came up to him to ask if he’d help you with tutoring, his mind almost short circuited because holy shit, were you actually talking to him in real life instead of the made up interactions he plays out with you before going to sleep? and you knew his name and who he was on top of that? it was too good of a dream to be true.

that’s precisely why chan can’t let go of you now. even if it hurts him, even if it’s painstakingly hard to be hidden from the public eye whilst being together with you, he doesn’t want to let go of you. because letting go of you entails that he’s giving up on his aspirations of being with you, and chan is nothing next to a quitter. he’ll have you in any way he can, even if that means not abiding by his friends’ requests to just let you go and being kept in the dark by your lack of confrontation for your feelings.

at the end of the day, chan is head over heels for you, and that’s something that’ll never change. 

. . .

comments and reblogs are always appreciated! <3