#i just finished my 12th book this year

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

[willowsnook]

Can I get a Carlos one where they lowkey hate each other bc they constantly fight on track but there’s a bunch of tension between them. Maybe something happens on track and afterwards she goes to bitch him out and then he just kisses her or something ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

yesss just a little different

carlos sainz x williams driver reader

-----------------------------------------------------

You had been nervous when you joined the grid a year ago as the first female driver but everyone had been pretty welcoming and treated you the same as the rest of the competition. You honestly were glad to join Williams because it was a lot less pressure on you than it was for your friends Oscar and Kimi at McLaren and Mercedes. Last season you had finished 12th in the drivers standings which was pretty good in your opinion. This year had been a lot different thanks to the new arrival of Carlos Sainz.

He didn't want to be here, that was very clear. Honestly you didn't blame him, with his record he should have been in a top car but when the 8 time world champion comes knocking...what can ya do?

It seemed like he definitely expected to easily be driver #1 and to be treated as such. Most people probably shared that same opinion but you didn't. You weren't going to be a supporting actor in this kind of cut throat sport. Things had started cordial in the offseason with the two of you doing a lot of PR together but you just didn't really have that same bond that you did with your former teammate Alex. It only got worse from there.

First race of the 2025 season, you had out-qualified Carlos heading into race number one sitting P8 while he was behind at P12. He was not pleased. While everyone congratulated you after your run, he stood in the garage with his arms crossed, anger radiating off of him. This escalated the next day to him trying to overtake you resulting in both of you spinning out into the barriers. Instead of jumping out of the car and heading back to the paddock like a good girl, you stormed over to him as he was getting out of his car.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You yelled, pulling off your helmet.

"What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" He yelled back glaring up at you. "You are supposed to let me pass?" You scoffed.

"Oh I'm sorry, I forgot who I was talking to," you retorted. "I'm so sorry Mr. Sainz I forgot that I have to let you win even though I'm faster and you're washed."

He stomped over from his car putting his finger in your face.

"Watch your fucking tone," he said angrily.

"Or what?" You spit back. The two of you spun around and barged back towards the garage.

As you headed into summer break, the two of you had crashed into each other three more times with probably equal blame in total. It was a disaster for team points and a PR nightmare. At this point they couldn't even get the two of you in the same room without it ending up in you trying to bite each others heads off. You had fun with it though, because by now you knew all the Spainard's tells. Like how he clenched his jaw when he was starting to get annoyed, or fisting his hands when you were close to pushing him over the edge. It's like the two of you were magnets, you'd always find each other no matter how hard the team tried to keep you separate.

---------- Last week of summer break------------

You were lounging by the pool with Oscar and his gf Lily at an airbnb in Australia trying to enjoy your last couple of days of freedom before having to be back.

"Have you talked to Carlos at all this break?" Oscar asked nonchalantly and you saw Lily shoot him a look.

"Why would I waste my precious breath?" You replied not even looking up from your book. Oscar sighed.

"Don't you think you guys should fix whatever this thing is that's going on?

"He's the one that fucking started it," you hissed shooting him a glare. He put his hands up in surrender.

"It's just like I've gotten to know him, and he's a great guy," he said. "I feel like you guys could be friends if you just sat and talked like normal people."

"I think that is literally impossible," you said. "We can't go longer than 2 minutes without him swiping at me."

"Hmm, and do you think he's unprovoked?" Oscar asked and Lily laughed. You flipped both of them off.

"Look, I tried to be nice at first but it's kind of hard when he came in and just expected me to roll over because he's been racing longer," you admitted. "It was offensive and things just went from there."

"I know how he came in was wrong," he said. "But I think you should give him some grace looking at it from his perspective. He should be in a faster car, we both know that. So it was insulting for him to have to come to Williams but that has nothing to do with you." You sighed, knowing he was half right.

"I don't know how to fix it Oscar, I really don't."

---------Dutch Grand Prix--------------

Things had been going well in Zandort so far, you and Carlos had been mostly avoiding each other and when you were together you kept it civil. You'd had good free practices and now were gearing up for qualifying.

You'd easily sped into Q2 and then jut inched by Fernando to make it into the top ten. The car felt good and you were feeling pretty confident you could get even faster in the last session. You were flying on your fast lap, on track to make it to P5 but heading into the corner you could see another car not getting out of the way. Of course it was none other than your teammate. He moved away but it was a little too late as you already had to slow down to swerve around him, losing time.

"What the fuck is he doing?" you screamed into the radio.

"Uhh he said he didn't see you coming, sorry y/n." Your engineer replied to you and you slammed your fist into the steering wheel. You managed to get one more lap in but the loss of focus put you in P9.

You didn't say a word to anyone getting out of the car and the garage was tense, a lot of engineers shooting you sympathetic looks. You stormed off towards your driver room and were a step away before you heard him call your name.

"Y/n," Carlos called out and you turned to see him walking towards yo you down the hallway. Instead of your rage boiling over you felt your eyes fill up with tears as you just felt defeated. You put your hand up to stop him from getting any closer.

"I just don't understand why you hate me so much," you yelled, your voice breaking. "Do you know how hard it was for me to get here? How hard it is to listen to the media constantly tell me I'm here because having a female driver is good PR? I have worked so hard for everything just for you to try time and time again to take it all away."

Tears were starting to leak from your eyes as you shouted and Carlos's eyes were wide with panic. He tried to take another step towards you but you moved back.

"No, I don't want to see you and I don't want to talk to you," you got out before turning and slamming your driver's door in his face. You sunk down to the floor crying and heard a loud bang, as if someone had punched a wall.

You laid in your driver's room for what felt like forever just staring at your ceiling before changing into a pair of sweats and a tank top. As you were collecting your stuff you heard someone knock on your door and open it. You looked over to see Kimi's sympathetic face which caused your eyes to water again. He opened his arms and you walked into them burying your head in his shoulder.

"Come on, let's go get dinner," he said leading you out of the garage.

You spent the rest of the night hanging out with him and his friends before heading back to the hotel to get a good night rest. You stepped out of the elevator onto your floor and saw someone standing by your hotel room. As you got closer you could see it was Carlos. He had changed too into a pair of Williams sweats and a tight fitted tshirt. His right hand was wrapped up with gauze, explaining the noise you heard earlier.

"Here to rub more salt in the wound?" You joked weakly as you came closer to him. His head snapped up and his raked over you getting sadder.

"No, I came to apologize," he said and you rolled your eyes motioning for him to move so you could unlock your door.

"What did PR promise you in order to get you here?" You bit back as you stepped inside, him following close behind.

"Nothing y/n, we need to talk," he said his tone more firm.

"Well I don't really feel like talking," you said turning to him, throwing your hands up. "Now why don't you go back to James and figure out how to get me off the team, I'm sure whatever plan you have will work."

His jaw clenched and you knew that one landed. You should have stopped there but something about him brought out the fight in you.

"I'm sorry that you're washed and the only way for you to beat me is by taking me out," you started, not even believing what you were saying, just wanting to hurt him like he did you. "That's the only apology I want to hear from you." Carlos took a deep breath, running his hand through his hair.

"Or maybe you should go back begging to Mercedes to get a seat to get away from me."

"Do you ever shut the fuck up?" He asked glaring at me and I crossed my arms.

"Make me," you replied daring him.

Within two seconds your back was against the wall and his lips were on yours. When your brain turned back on you found yourself wrapping a hand around his neck pulling you closer. Your lips fought for dominance but you both were clinging together like you could never let go. Your other hand was tangled in his hair as you slightly pulled causing him to groan into you. He pulled away, resting his forehead on yours and you brought your fingers up to touch your swollen lips.

"If I knew that was how I could get you to stop talking I would have done that a long time ago," he said smirking and you shoved him off.

"You caught me in a moment of weakness," you grumbled before flopping onto the bed. He came over to where you were and pulled you up so that you were facing him as he towered over you. His eyes softened as he looked down at you.

"You are a good driver, one of the best I've ever raced again," he started and you stayed quiet. "I should have came in as a leader to make the both of us better and this a competitive team. Instead I was too wrapped up in how I got burned and acted like an ass. It should have never gotten this far and I'm sorry."

You didn't know what to say as you'd never really seen this side of him. He pushed a piece of your hair behind your ear as he met your eyes again, waiting for a response.

"Was that a real answer or a PR one?" You joked with a small smile causing him to relax.

"A PR one cariño, the real answer is that you're too hot when you're mad at me so I couldn't stop," he said and you laughed. He pulled you off the bed and you wrapped your arms around him.

"This is so weird," you said. "I'm so used to hating you."

"I know, but we got to go be seen in public as friends," he said. "That's an actual request from the PR team."

"Yeah yeah, you can buy me ice cream and I'll forgive you for today," you said heading to the door.

"And then we can start over?" He said hopefully.

"If you let me pass tomorrow too," you said smirking at him. He kissed your forehead as he passed you holding his hand out.

"Not a chance."

[myemuisemo]

In approaching the first chapter of The Hound of the Baskervilles in this week's Letters from Watson, I initially felt that I was sort of cheating as I know I've read this more recently than middle childhood. Then I read the first chapter and realized my memory of the story consists of a vague impression that it has a moor and a dog. Oh well.

Mortimer's staff being referred to as a "Penang lawyer" reminds us that when you live in a colonialist society, the mindset is everywhere. The staff is presumably made from Licuala acutifida, a sort of cane native to China, southeast Asia, and Pacific Islands. By 1889, when the novel is set (five years after the date on the walking stick), British Malaya had been under direct crown rule for a couple decades. The Brits had owned Penang since at least the secret Burney Treaty of 1826.

Dr. Watson's initial wrong guesses provide a window into his world and preconceptions. My first reaction was "how did he think hunt rather than hospital when he himself has medical training?"

Growing up in the genteel countryside would explain "hunt." But Charing Cross Hospital, then located just off the Strand, would have been only about two miles from Baker Street. How do you miss a large hospital?

There might be a titch of snobbery in play, as Watson did his residency at much, much older Barts (St. Bartholomew's). Barts dates from the 12th century, while Charing Cross Hospital was an early 19th century upstart. Watson also went for additional training at the military hospital at Netley.

Watson really puts up with a lot, though.

James Mortimers' publications focus on the idea that illness stems from throwbacks to a more primitive state, an idea also applied to criminology of the day. Through 2024 eyes, this is unlikely to be a good thing, but let's see where Doyle goes with it. I have faith in Holmes due to his love of that book that attributes much of human civilization to non-white world cultures. (Coveting Holmes' skull reeks of phrenology, but I can't believe this was meant as an appealing trait.)

After being informed that Sholto was based on Oscar Wilde, I'm wondering which of Doyle's acquaintances was the pattern for James Mortimer (who is not addressed as "doctor" because he's a surgeon; it's a British thing).

While Holmes describes Mortimer as "amiable" before meeting him, he does not find being described as "the second highest expert in Europe" all that simpatico. There's some impatience in Holmes' chapter-ending request that Mortimer explain why he's there.

At this early stage, I dislike James Mortimer. It's partly the nature of his publications, but also the false humility of calling himself a "dabbler in science" when he in fact has publications, an award, and a degree. It's dabbling to collect bones or bugs or whatever and be perpetually working on a treatise that never gets finished or published. It's not dabbling when you have official recognition within your chosen career for your research.

So what is Mortimer here about?

[scrollonso]

First Kiss (Race 10)

A strollonso AU where 18 year old rookie Lance Stroll falls helplessly in love with the notoriously mean world champion. (1.4k words, slight description of car crash) [@v3lnys @biancathecool] {I KEPT ADDING TO THE BIRTHDAY CHAPTER INSTEAD OF WRITING THIS,, SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG}

last part - masterlist - next part

Fernando and Lance made their way onto the paddock together, laughing as they spoke. Their teams having booked the same hotel for the first time all season. Before arriving at the hotel the day prior they hadn't seen eachother since their dinner in Canada two weeks ago, it was nice, Lance knew all the good places (that were both ridiculously expensive and ridiculously beautiful.)

"No, Lancito, I swear, am convinced someone else has a key to my hotel room!"

"Nando, I don't think that's allowed" Lance laughed, Fernando complaining about losing a handfull of his things since arriving

"Exactly! Is not allowed, so how am I losing stuff if no one else is in my room?" He asked, not giving the Canadian time to even process his words and answer "Is not possible! Am being stalked."

"Okay, Nando, Stalked is a little much" Lance rolled his eyes, arm finding its way across the World Champions shoulders

"I think your hotels are bad luck, Lancito, maybe this is why we never have the same one, is cursed!" He spoke enthusiastically, purposefully being more dramatic in an effort to make the boy laugh.

"I'll protect you, Nando," He hummed, patting the Spaniards shoulder "If you win"

"Ay, will be no problem! You know I am good" He winked, watching as Lance rolled his eyes, moving his arm to slightly push the Spaniard away, both exchanging looks that truly should've revealed how they felt right then and there but both drivers were far too oblivious to even consider the reality of how their eyes shined as they stayed so close, practically beaming with joy on the way to their garages.

Quali was over almost as fast as it started, Fernando upset with himself because of a p5 finish, knowing he could do so much better but for some reason hadn't.

"Nando, good job" Lance said from behind him, absentmindedly patting the Spaniards ass

"Ha ha ha" He laughed dryly, shaking his head at the rookies words

"What! You did good, Nando" Lance frowned, not meaning to sound sarcastic

"Thank you, Lancito, am just not happy" Fernando shrugged, aware Lance got 12th but not hesitating to express his disappointment with 5th.

"I know you'll do better tomorrow, you always do" Lance smiled, moving his arm to ruffle the Spaniards freshly cut hair "You look nice, by the way" He added before wandering back to his garage, leaving a very flustered and messy haired Fernando standing alone.

The race finally started, Lance managing to make up two places right away, ending up behind Kimi. The tires were already decently warmed up from the formation lap so all he had to do was pass Kimi and points would be one place closer.

He stayed behind him through turn 1, then turn 2, and turn 3. It was annoying. Kimi was good so it wasn't surprising that it was hard to overtake him.

As they came up to turn 4 Lance saw an opprotunity and took it, Kimi hitting the brakes earlier than Lance had expected and the two collided, Lance completely losing his front wing and helmet being smacked with debris from the underside of the Mercedes.

Kimi's car was practically thrown into the grass, Lance sliding the opposite direction into gravel, head pounding and ears ringing as he quickly exited, the race continuing without them.

"Who crashed?" Fernando asked over the radio, he didn't usually care as long as it wasn't him but this time he was curious.

"That was Räikkönen and Stroll"

"Lance crashed?" Fernando asked, the gap to the car behind wide enough for him to lose focus for a second

"Lance crashed."

"Mierda" The Spaniard muttered, the word barely picking up on the radio as he moved his focus back to the track

Fernando had another disappointing result, managing to make up no places by the end and finishing 5th. It was weird, not going to the cooldown room right after, not looking forward to the podium and seeing Lance's eyes on him.

He debriefed with his team, annoyed at the outcome of the race and acting colder to the Renault engineers than he meant to, he just couldn't help it. It was a very disappointing result.

Lance had been waiting all race to see where Fernando ended up, seeing him finish in 5th was a shock but part of him was excited. He left his garage a few minutes after the race ended and headed to Fernando's, hoping he was done debriefing by now.

As he reached the blue and yellow garage he spotted Fernando right away, his now short hair poking up sporadically.

"Nando" He spoke, smiling as the Spaniard turned his head, face lighting up as he confirmed the voice was Lance's

"Lancito, mi sol" He stood up quickly, rushing over to the boy and grabbing him by his shoulders, turning him in a full circle before placing both hands on his cheeks "Are you hurt? Is everything okay? I haven't rewatched the crash, was it bad?"

Lance smiled softly, leaning into the touch as Fernando asked him questions "I'm fine, Nando. It was my fault, I think Kimi's car is more fucked up than mine anyways."

"The engineers were saying he saw you and moved over on purpose, did your team report him? Are they talking to the FIA about it?"

"I'm not hurt, Nando, the car's fine too, we just needed a new front wing but besides that theres no damage, we don't want to cause unneeded problems"

"Is not fair, should be looked at, you were close to the points, no?" Fernando was more frustrated with the outcome of Lance's race than his own, his team behind him surprised at how adamant he was about Lance saying something because as long as Renault did good Racing Points places didn't matter.

"Shush, let's talk about sonething else, I'm fine, you finished the race, and now you aren't on the podium so let's get something to eat."

"Again?" Fernando asked, not protesting the topic change

"Wow, Nando, do you not want to eat with me?" Lance frowned, pouting slightly at the Spaniard

"Ay, Lancito, I never said that, let me treat you." He smiled, more than happy to return the favour.

The two didn't go far, they just decided on something easy and not insanely priced that they could only have in Texas, Whataburger.

Lance had never had Whataburger before and Fernando was shocked, changing his plans of going to a nice sit down place to just going into the drive-through and eating in the Spaniards car.

"Still cannot believe you have not had Whataburger before, is so good" Fernando gushed as he ate, Lance not being able to help himself as he gazed lovingly at the man

"Well I'm glad I'm losing my Whataburger virginity with you" Lance laughed, not fully thinking about his choice of words

"You are a virgin?" Fernando asked, sounding genuinely shocked

"I'm not talking about sex, Nando" Lance laughed awkwardly, wondering if it was obvious

"You poor boy" Fernando shook his head, hand leaving his food to pat Lance's shoulder "You really should spend less time racing and more time looking for a girlfriend"

"I'll have to pass on that" Lance rolled his eyes, lips slightly curved up as his eyes fell back on Fernando, their eyes locking as the Spaniard moved his arm, his eyes flickering down to the Canadians lips then back to his eyes.

Lance felt his heart skip a beat, licking his lips slightly, wondering if maybe there was sauce on his face, how embarrassing.

As he did so Fernando looked again, his eyes lingering this time, slow to find their way away from the Canadians narrow lips.

"Is good, no?" Fernando spoke, desperately changing the topic to stop his mind from wandering farther, not wanting to have such thoughts about a boy who was as innocent as the one in front of him.

"Si" Lance responded, nodding as he took a bite of his sandwich

"Si?" Fernando smiled, pleased with the random Spanish response from the boy

"It means yes, Fernando" Lance teased, explaining the Spaniards language to him

"Ahhh" Fernando nodded, a smile still on his face as he pretended the boy taught him something.

It was nice, this, whatever this was. Both of them enjoyed it, eating together, speaking together, they hadn't realized just how attached at the hip they'd become since Bahrain but neither man was complaining, they loved eachothers company.

[yumeka-sxf]

1-year anniversary post and future projects

My blog turned 1-year old today! 😃 (I also have a new blog banner and profile pic for the occasion!) I was lowkey hoping I'd hit the 1,000 follower milestone before then, but I got close - about 890 followers as of now! I'm very humbled that so many people enjoy my SxF content ❤️ Thank you all so much for your Likes, Reblogs, and kind messages~ Even though I wish I had joined the SxF fandom sooner, better late than never! The series has been around for about four years now, which is still a relatively short time for a popular shonen manga. So I'm hoping there will be plenty more SxF content to indulge in for years to come!

As you've probably seen, I've been reblogging my Twiyor analysis posts as a build-up to my continuation of that project for season 2 of the anime. And I'm happy to report that my planned start date for new analysis posts will be Tuesday, December 12th! On that day I'll post the new installment, Part 19, with a new post each Tuesday after until I finish covering the season 2 episodes. I know it seems like I'm dragging it out, but it takes a long time for me to not only write each post, but to revise and proofread them as well...the more chances I get to proofread my posts over time, the better they turn out. I also want to make sure I don't get too far ahead of the current episodes (since I still want to make the posts manga-spoiler free as much as possible). Since season 2 is only going to be 12 episodes, there won't be as many posts as last time, but the topics are just as compelling! I've been so excited to finally delve into analyzing the cruise arc 😄

I should also mention that late December/early January are going to be very busy times for the fandom: there's the movie release, the game release, the season finale, another art book that I'll want to scan, and the light novel being released in English! Of course I'll be making posts covering all of this, as well as my usual merch and chapter/episode review posts. I'm also planning to do some kind of post mini-series for the game where I write about my experiences with it in a daily journal kind of format. We'll see...there's going to be so much to cover at the end of the year, I hope I won't get overwhelmed 😅

Anyway, thank you all again for a wonderful year of SxF goodness~ Here's to many more years of joy from our beloved fake family!

[skzhua]

Can I request Minho and y/n having a really heated argument and she says something she doesn’t mean and he gets really emotional and y/n feels really bad and he leaves to go for a walk to think and when he comes back she makes it up to him 💕

MASTERLIST

Pairing: Office worker!Lee Minho x Company Heiress!Reader

Genre: Aftermath of runaway from arranged marriage, angst, fluff.

Word Count: 2,925

Warnings: Swearing and sad asf.

A/N: I was totally supposed to do my essay due for Monday but I gave up because Minho is on my mind 24/7.

You married for love. You had to remind yourself that, you married for love and not for business. So how come did you feel like your marriage was falling apart?

Lee Minho was his name. He started to work at your company only a few months after you became team supervisor as you were slowly going up in status to be prepared to become CEO. Your mother was one of the rare women to have built her own business without the need of a man and you admired her for that.

But back to Minho. He was attractive, there was no denying that. You caught on quickly that he was sleeping around with the other female workers. You didn't despise him per say, but you definitely held a dislike to him as an employee. But as you worked together more and more often, you discovered a broken man who wanted nothing more than to work his ass off to build himself up from the lower-class part of the city.

That was how you fell in love with him. Being in position of authority, you kept it secret for months with a few steamy sessions done in the corner of your office. And when your mother announced you that you'd be married to the almighty heir of the Seo company, you had no choice but to comply. It was good for your image and good for your numbers to rise.

But like any typical story about a business heiress falling in love with someone with a lower status, you ended up walking away from the altar to run back to Minho. All of your future that was planned out for you was gone and given to your younger brother instead. You got married with only your close friends who approved of your relationship as your guests and had been for almost five years. Since then, you lived happily a few miles away from the city and worked as an accountant. It was definitely a shift from your previous life but you managed. As for Minho, he worked in a law firm as a secretary. Nothing extravagant, just enough for you to pay the bills.

Or so you thought.

"Good evening, my love." Minho greeted your with a kiss as he stepped into your house. "How was your day?"

"I got more paperwork due but I think I can manage to finish it if I keep working extra tomorrow evening."

Minho paused from putting his things away. Loosening his tie, he approached you and grabbed you by the waist.

"Tomorrow is our anniversary, though."

"It's the 12th, no?" you asked, placing your arms around his neck.

"We got married on the 11th, honey." he chuckled and then placed a peck on your lips. "You could ask your boss to give the work to someone else, no?"

"You know I can't do that." you sighed. "We can celebrate it tonight or the day after instead."

He scoffed. "No, I don't think we can."

You cocked your head to the side. "Minho, please."

With a heavy sigh, he shook his head in exasperation. "I wanted it to be a surprise but I reserved at the best restaurant in the city and I even booked a night at the hotel for us to relax. With the spa included."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh indeed." he noted, pettiness in his voice.

You felt bad, so bad. But at the same time, you weren't going to leave out work for you to have a romantic getaway. You had bills to pay and you actually found it unreasonable for him to be paying something you knew you couldn't afford.

"I'm afraid you'll have to cancel."

His hands automatically left your body and he removed your arms from his neck. His jaw clenching, he headed to your kitchen and pulled out a bottle from your refrigerator. Not any bottle, the exact bottle of champagne you drank at your wedding ceremony.

"Min..." you exhaled. "Where did you get that?"

"I bought it last week, actually. My boss was kind enough to pay me double for a day only so I can get you this." he explained before placing it on the counter. "My point is that if I can compromise with my boss, you can do the same."

You shook your head. "Mrs. Moon is not like Mr. Bang. She doesn't sympathize like that, especially if it's about that aspect of our personal lives."

"Be reasonable, Y/N. We haven't gone out on a date in months and you work like a slave for that woman. All I'm asking for is a day off for us to spend quality time together."

It totally made sense what he was saying. However, you couldn't do that for him. Deadlines were approaching and you were afraid you'd get fired if you didn't meet your boss' expectations.

"I'm sorry."

He scoffed again and put the bottle back in the refrigerator, slaming the door shut. "I'm sorry for wanting to spoil my wife. I guess I have some calls to make tonight."

He left to the study room, not even wanting to look at you. All of these years, he worked his ass off to show you that running away with him was worth it. Every extra penny he made was saved for you. He had done so much for you and so little for himself.

"Minho."

He looked up from his phone. "What is it? I'm making calls to cancel because I can't even get one night with the one I love."

"Okay, now. Drop the attitude."

He chuckled sarcastically. "I'm so sorry for being disappointed, really. You truly have no idea how much I put into this relationship."

It was your turn to huff at his words. "I'm sorry but I'm the one making sacrifices for us. I gave up an entire life for us to be together. Maybe you should remind yourself that sometimes."

He walked closer to you, now hovering your small figure. "I'm well aware of what you did which is why I thought doing this would be worth celebrating our union. Turns out it doesn't mean that much to you as it does to me."

"I never said that. I appreciate it, I really do. But you know very well that we simply can't afford it."

"How come was I able to pay for it, then?"

"By cutting off on our groceries. Don't think I didn't notice you stopped spending for your lunches."

At that point, the both of you were fuming and Minho was hovering you more and more as to seem like the bigger person. "And then you say I don't do enough for us, sure."

"We can't keep living like this. I love you, I swear, but working is more important right now. We need money."

"We have it."

"We would have had it if we didn't leave everything behind five years ago."

You saw him gulp. "Are you saying you would have prefered staying in that toxic environment?"

"Maybe. Marrying Seo Changbin wouldn't have turned out like this, that's for sure."

Another gulp made his Adam's apple bop. This time, he didn't have anything else to add. You had crossed the line and it hurt. You couldn't believe that you let yourself say those words. This was the exact thing Minho was afraid of and here you were, making his nightmare a reality.

"If that's what you want."

He stormed out of the room and went to the kitchen. You followed him and watched as he grabbed his keys and his blazer he had previously gotten rid of minutes ago before it all went downhill.

"I'll be at Jisung's."

"Minho, I'm so sorry."

"Whatever. You said it, the harm is done."

Before you could say more, he was already out the door. Dropping on one of the dining room's chairs, you let the tears flood out of your eyes. You cried and you kept on crying, you didn't know for how long. When you started to come back to reality, you forced yourself to make a quick meal since you had not eaten for the entire day. You really did force yourself as the hunger was close to nonexistent.

You tried to work a bit, but with it being the cause of your argument, it only made you feel worse. You didn't even know why you told him that as you never regretted leaving the business to be with him. If anything, this was the best decision you had ever made.

After hours of trying to forget about what happened, you checked the time to see it was a little past midnight. This was a good 5th anniversary for sure... Helpless, you took out your phone and dialed the first number that came to your mind.

"Y/N?"

"Hey." you said, your voice still shaky.

"Are you okay? What are you doing up so late?"

"I could ask you the same." you chuckled but your tone remained the same. "Am I bothering?"

"Of course not. What is it?"

"I..." a sob took over and interrupted you.

For the nth time that night, you were crying. Jeongin was lowkey panicking from the other side of the line. He, himself, still had work to do but he wasn't going to leave his big sister in her sadness. He was one of the few people to keep contact with you despite your mother having cut ties with you. He offered to help you financially many times but having grown up with the independence your mother taught you, you refused each time.

"Do you want me to come over?"

"No, I know you have a lot to do." you sniffed. "I just need to rant I guess."

"I'm listening."

You told him everything: from the start of your financial arguments to your indecent comment. Jeongin said nothing and let you talk for what seemed to be hours. At some point, you heard him closing a door and you felt bad he had to leave the office without having finished his work.

"I'm so sorry for bothering."

He sighed. "I told you, you're not bothering. And if there is anyone you need to apologize to right now is your husband."

"If he still considers me his wife." you scoffed. "You have to admit, though. Spending so much just for one night is crazy."

"He loves you, Y/N. Of course he wanted to treat you a night for yourselves."

"But we can't afford it." you repeated.

"Are you going to understand he doesn't care? He'd be the poorest man on Earth and he'd still buy you flowers when he could."

You bit your lips in shame. Jeongin was right, you were the one being unfair here. Minho had told you on many occasions that you could get a better job with your reputation but you told him you didn't want a job for being known and for your skills instead. But you were more worth than this stupid accounting office job. And even your brother offered you side contracts that paid well, but being the stubborn woman you were, you declined. Looking back, you realized you were the problem.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

You sighed. "Even if I do understand now, he won't take me back for saying that. I hurt him so much, Innie."

"You'll manage, Y/N. You always do."

The conversation ended with these words as he needed to go to sleep. As for you, you were more awake than ever. Going back to the study room, you noticed Minho's agenda was still opened. Luckily, he had noted down the place and time he reserved for the two of you. Not even worrying about the fact it was 2 in the morning, you called Minho's boss to ask for a week off after briefly explaining your situation, Mr. Bang was more than happy to help and he crossed off Minho's name on the schedule for the rest of the week. You then wasted no time to call the hotel to book the room for extra nights, making sure that breakfasts and others were included. The last thing you had left to do was to quit your horrible job. You were more willing to accept your brother's contracts than to come back to see Mrs. Moon's face again.

As morning arrived, you hurried to pack your things in a luggage and make yourself look nice although you hadn't had one minute of sleep. To your surprise, you received a text from Minho. It was very brief and distant as he only informed you that he'd come around 7 to get his things to move temporarily to Jisung's.

Seven o'clock was nearing and you were nervous. You wanted everything to turn out perfectly and you certainly hoped he wouldn't walk away again. You needed him, more than anything.

Seeing the car pull into your parking lot, you instantly got up from your seat and grabbed your bags. You looked as if you were ready to leave for a while, which was the case.

Minho unlocked the door and stepped inside the house, not expecting to see you. But when he did, his eyes immediately got darker. Then, he studied you for a little longer and saw you holding firmly onto your luggage.

"You're leaving?"

You kind of wanted to mess with him for a bit but with your literal marriage being at stake, you didn't and shook your head instead.

"We are leaving."

He didn't look any better than you. His eyes had bags under them and his disheveled hair was a sign he didn't even shower. He still had the same buttoned shirt he usually wore at work but it was much wrinkled.

"What are you saying now?" he sighed.

"You are right, I'm not being reasonable. I blamed all of my problems on you because I was so used to succeeding by myself. I didn't realize that you booked a night for us because you care much more about our relationship than I do."

He exhaled loudly. "At least you're admitting it, good. You're leaving me now?"

You shook your head vigorously. "I could never leave you, Minho. I'm terribly sorry for what I've said because I didn't mean one bit of it. I love this life with you, I am just too much of a stubborn to enjoy it like I should."

He frowned from your words and uncrossed his arms, a sign that he was more relaxed. "What do you mean like you should?"

"I resigned from my job."

His eyes widened. "No, Y/N. I never wanted you to quit for me... again. I was only mad for having to cancel everything, that's all."

He walked up to you, now holding your face so carefully, almost like he was scared you would break in his grasp. This made you feel so much better, it was a sign he still cared.

"I'm not doing this for you, it's for me. You were right, I'm not happy there."

You didn't realize tears came out of your eyes once more until he started to rub your cheeks. "So what is this we are leaving thing about?"

"I booked the hotel room for the week."

His grip on your face tightened slightly. "I'll have to be the one to tell you I can't now."

"I called your boss, he's fine with it."

"You're actually so fucking stupid." he huffed.

You saw a small smile forming on his lips. Still brushing off your tears, he leaned closer slowly. Until he kissed you. Not sure if you were still on bad terms or not, he did pull away quickly.

"You do realize we really are broke now?"

You laughed. "Not exactly. I'll take Jeongin's contract and – or – get an actual good job."

"Damn you and your stubborn ass." he shot at you with a grin. "You're finally making logical choices."

"I'm sorry it took us fighting for me to snap back to reality."

More tears falling, more of him brushing them away. "We're okay now."

"I really thought you hated me now."

You suddenly broke into more sobs again. The lack of sleep was definitely apparent. Minho held you closely, stroking your head as he shushed you calmly and peppered your forehead with kisses.

"I could never hate you. You get on my nerves sometimes, but it'll never be hatred."

You looked up at him. "You still love me?"

He chuckled. "Of course I still love you. An argument isn't going to end everything we build for the past five years."

You cried some more, of happiness this time. Minho laughed at how sensitive you were but didn't let go of you. He kissed you again, wiped your tears off for you again... He wanted nothing more but to protect you at that moment. You were rarely this vulnerable in front of him and he was simply honoured you trusted him enough to let yourself loose.

"Happy 5th year, my love." he whispered into your ear.

"I love you so much." you said, hugging him tighter.

"I love you more." He pulled away and grabbed both sides of your head. "How about I go pack and we enjoy our week together?"

"I'd like that."

He excitedly ran to your shared room and you let out a chuckle as you watched him. Your life was far from being perfect, but what you had with him was. You weren't going to take it for granted, not when he still loved you albeit your stubborness.

taglist: @lenilla15 | @muddy-waters | @nanaspalette | @nattisbored | @popcatx0 | @vanblack95 | @aestheticsluut | @thanxxskz | @minhoino | @taetertotsv | @luvscrazy | @lethallyprotected | @foxinnie8 | @jisuperboard

Copyright © 2023 skzhua. All rights reserved.

[docholligay]

DOCDOC BIRTHDAY WEEK EXTRAVAGANZA

HELLO AND WELCOME! For my birthday, i am getting to do things that *I* want to do, but I hope that you will love as well! Stuff we don't normally do, stuff I don't always have time for, etc. I hope this looks as fun to you as it does to me: BMuch of this I have handpicked as "Fuck I would love to do that if I had the time"

Saturday, August 10th: That evening, we'll have a lovely fun stream. The movie that won the draw out of the pitches was:

I FUCKING LOVE THE QUICK AND THE DEAD I HAVEN'T WATCHED IT IN YEARS THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME IT EXISTED. It's so bad, it's so bad. It is so very much a shitty modern girlpower type fucking movie, it has NOT ONE IOTA of subtlety, it was basically a 60s-70s Western made with A Girl but trying to do business with the grittier Westerns of the 90s AMAZING. I CANNOT WAIT to tell you everything that is wrong with this movie, it is so fun and fucking stupid.

Sunday, August 11th: I'm running a race Full Send because this is how I have fun I guess but then, that evening, Jackbox games!

Monday, August 12th: The Patreon release of some more of Justified Episode one, and then that night, the movie club for The Lucky Mill! There's a separate post on that, I'll make sure to reblog it again a few times.

Tuesday, August 13th: First of all, It's Lena's birthday! According to my canon, the only one that matters. Weirdly this is not related to it being close to my birthday--I picked it out of a book about birthdays that I use for that sort of thing. I 'found' her personality and just made that her birthday. It's how I did it for all the Overwatch characters. ANYWAY.

It'll be a 'liveblog' (More like a series of long posts) about Season 2, Episode 9 of Vinland Saga. I streamed this show, and really really liked it, but Oath was, I think, my favorite of a series of very good episodes, and I can't wait to really talk about it.

Wednesday, August 14th: IT IS MY BIRTHDAY SHOWER ME WITH AFFECTION. I am going to the fair all day. It is also, no joke, Doc Holliday's birthday. How's that for fuckin kismet?

Thursday, August 15th: A series of unhinged essays about the television show Interview With The Vampire, deeply informed by the fact that the Vampire Chronicles were akin to my Harry fucking Potter when I was a deeply weird 13-16 year old. HUGE spoilers for the books, but honestly the TV show has been so different that it might NOT be a spoiler for the show ahaha. (I do very much like the show, in case anyone is worried it'll be a hateblog.)

That night: @keyofjetwolf and I will be watching S2E5 of Interview. She will have only seen UP to that point, and it's one of my favorite eps (I am sure all of you who have seen it know why)

Friday, August 16th: We finish off with a drunken stream. I will be asked to identify anime and what they are about in what I can only assume is some kind of Who Wants To Be A Weeaboo Piece of Shit, while I am drunk. May include audience participation. For any more detailed instructions/explanation, @ultrace is the main runner of this, with a heavy assist by @keyofjetwolf I think it will be very funny and I will do badly ahahah.

And that will be it! a full week of fun celebration! PLEASE JOIN ME AND HAVE FUN

[queensilber]

Supernatural: Nevermore

Review time! I actually finished reading this a while ago and just didn't get around to posting the review, but here you go!

.

Summary:

Sam and Dean go to New York to help a friend of Ash with a ghost problem. Said friend is a rocker with a music collection that Dean totally freaks over (further down in this review I have a songlist of the mentioned music, too) and they get to stay at that guy's place while taking care of the problem. There is also a murder spree based on the works of Edgar Allen Poe going on in the area and the boys are solving two cases parallelly.

My experience:

I loved this. It was so fun, the vibe was great, i had a great time! This is actually the first book in the series and I should have read it before witchs canyon, but it doesnt matter too much.

Also, the book starts on a 12th of november, wich is my birthday, so thats cool.

Music list:

Okay, so, because of the plot with the Band, there is a LOT of music in this. I‘m now just and only gonna list the things Dean either has on tape or said that he loves it. Some are songs, some are Bands and some are albums, its listed chronologically after appearance rather than what it is… (sorry)

Deep purple „smoke on the water“

Metallica

Led Zeppelin "Whole lotta love"

Van Morrison "Caravan"

Jethro Tull "For a thousand Mothers"

"Cocaine"

"Ramblin' man"

"Rock on"

"Freebird"

Queensrÿche "Operation Mindcrime"

Dark side of the moon

the Animals

House of the holy

Dressed to Kill

The who "by Numbers"

"Thick as a brick"

"in-a-gadda-di-vida"

the Big Pink

Great so let's continue,

Quotes and Random Facts

"Then again, Sam sometimes thought he didn't have the same attachment to his late girlfriend Jessica that Dean had to the Impala"

"In fact, Sam's skills at lying - both in therms of pretending to be someone else and also misleading people as to the true nature of his life and of the world itself - had been one of the things that attracted him to the law" < in reference to why he studied law at Stanford.

"Squirming in the passenger seat, Sam thought, 'I swear to god, if he starts petting the Dashboard again, I'm walking to New York" < in reference to Dean and the impala

there is also a reference to Sherlock Holmes and my post-it to that was like "Superwholock?" so yea, do with that as you will.

Sam and Jess once went to San Fransisco and did all cute tourist stuff there.

"Cassie was a Subscriber" < Dean telling Sam why he know stuff about animal magazines. he is referring to Cassie Robinson.

"He loved his brother more than anything in the world" < Dean about Sam

Dean had nightmares about people burning on ceilings like his mom did and those people were: Mary, Jessica, Cassie, Sarah, Ellen, Jo and Sam.

"Sam (...), he'd drunk hot sulfur once, by accident during a job, and he wasn't eager to repeat the experience."

"'I assume you took so long 'cause you were hitting on the bartender' he grinned. 'He didn't strike me as your type.'" < Sam about Dean, referring to the male bartender. Deans answer: "Funny boy."

"Dean looked over at his brother. Now he had on his instant face. Dean hated the insistent face, because Sam only used it when he was arguing with him. As opposed to when he argued with Dad. That was always the angry face"

Sam likes Gin and Tonic. Dean is appalled by that.

"Sam looked at Dean. Without any sign or facial indication, Sam knew that his brother agreed they should check upstairs next"

Dean just takes random pictures of Sam sleeping

John actually signed all the paperwork Sam needed to go to Stanford for the first year and Sam got them to declare him independent for the next years. Dean is in absolute shock over that and so am I. that conversation is too long for me to put in all in here, but damn it made me cry.

"'my life is seriously screwed up', he thought with amusement" <Dean, obviously.

"When he was a kid, about eleven years old, he used to go looking for cars that had 'no Radio in car' signs on them. He'd take a removable radio, of a type that was very popular at the time, and throw it as hard as he could at the car window with a note wrapped around it that read 'Now you have one'" < I love Dean so much

Dean hates rubber gloves

"'I just love Mexican Standoffs,' Dean thought"

Sooo that's about all I got for you about this book, can highly recommend it, it was better than Witches canyon, even though I liked that one too very much.

I will link the next one, once I'm done with it!

<First , Next>

[maximoffcarter]

The story of us.

Pairings: Casey Novak x Alex Cabot.

Summary: Alexandra Cabot was a nine year old that loved books, privacy and nature; the best way she could spend her time alone, was at the park reading a book. Casey Novak was a seven year old that enjoyed softball, playing around and nature; the best way she could spend her time, was at the park playing softball. Once they crossed paths, it was the beginning of their story, a kids love.

A/n: This was requested by bestie @saurgaeee, everything started with a silly cute conversation about Alex and Casey being kids and meeting, and then the rest just came up as we talked about it and we thought it would be cute to write a fic about it, so this is specially dedicated to my bestie that keeps giving me ideas and keeps me writing hehe. I hope you like this, at first I doubted so much about posting this, but I thought it turned out cute. Keep the requests coming you guys! Enjoy and leave your comments, reblogs, hearts, whatever you'd like, will be very much appreciated🫶🏻

*not my gif*

Age 7/Age 9.

It was summer vacation, just a week away from starting school again, and Alexandra Cabot was in her 12th book, just about to finish it. Yes, it was probably unusual for a nine year old to want to read that much and spend her whole summer reading books that not even a fifteen year old would want to read, but that was Alex’s favorite hobby. She could get lost in fantasy land, or learn something new, there was no in between, though she had to admit that her favorite ones were those cheesy fantasy books where the girl always ended up with the handsome guy; though she sometimes questioned herself why it always had to be the girl falling and had to be with a guy, not exactly a question that a nine year has in mind, but it was in Alex’s.

People could say that Alex was the loner of the school, not because of how Alex acted, but mostly because Alex didn’t feel comfortable acting like other kids did, they were messy, they were too childish for her liking, and they wanted nothing more than to play. Of course, she enjoyed playing with her dolls, she enjoyed playing tea party, she enjoyed basic kid things, but being an only child and in a house full of diplomatic people, it was hard to want to be childish.

After returning from her house in the Hamptons, she had asked for a full day of reading in the  outside world; meaning the park. She had felt like she had spent too much time surrounded by her parents, so she decided to have a small break and be able to enjoy the park and the fresh air of the summer. Not that she wasn’t excited about school, but she enjoyed quiet summer days where she could enjoy the fresh air and the sun hitting her skin while she read a book. She tried to always be in the farthest tree of the park, knowing that people wouldn’t be around, and she’d be able to peacefully read her book, just enjoy some alone time. But it seemed too good to be truth. Alex had been lost in the words of her book that she hadn’t noticed a redhead just a few feet away from her, that wasn’t until she felt something hitting her arm that made her lose her balance and fall to the side, making her whine at the impact.

“Oh no! I’m so sorry!”

Alex whined as she sat back and leaned over the tree, looking at her left side and noticing a bruise already showing up. “It’s fine.” She whispered softly.

“No, it’s not! I should be careful, dang it. Are you okay?” The redhead knelt beside Alex and placed her bat on the grass.

Alex looked up and frowned slightly, looking at the redhead girl in front of her, her heart skipping a beat. The first thing she noticed was the beautiful red hair, long and messy, a cap a bit too big but the girl didn’t seem to care. Then she noticed the green eyes, people could confuse them and think they were blue or a bit darker, but those were definitely green. And then she noticed the worry on the girls face, she noticed the girls hand trying to figure out if she should touch Alex or not.

Alex shook her head and chuckled. “Guess you’re good at baseball.” As she rubbed her arm.

“Softball, actually.” The redhead chuckled as she sat down with Alex. “I really am sorry. My mom told me to be careful and I swore I will.”

“Would.”

The redhead frowned. “What?”

“Would. That you would be careful.” Alex smiled. “Orthography.”

“Oh! Yes. Sorry. Mom says I’m still learning how to talk.” The redhead chuckled as she looked at Alex.

Alex smiled softly as she noticed her dimples, she had never seen someone with dimples, and it was cute. “I’m a bit more advanced than I should anyway. I’m only nine, but I have been told that I seem older.”

The redhead shrugged. “Looks like it. You sound like you’re a big girl.” She smiled. “But you seem nice. I’m 7, and I’m Casey.” She extended her hand for Alex to take.

Alex looked down at her hand and noticed some dirt on in and also some cuts, probably from the bat. She sighed and took her hand, preferring to be polite. “I’m Alexandra, but you can call me Alex.”

Casey nodded. “Nice to meet you, Alex.” She smiled as she let go of her hand. “Why you reading when you could be playin?”

“I don’t know. I enjoy it. I like reading.”

“My mom wished I read more. But I prefer to play.”

Alex shrugged. “Not weird for your age.”

“A bit weird for yours.” Casey chuckled. “I’m sorry about the bruise.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. It’ll go away.” Alex smiled.

“Here.” Casey looked into her pocket and got a lollipop out, handing it to Alex. “I get these whenever I go to the doctor, maybe it’s gonna make you feel better.” She smiled.

Alex looked at it and took it, smiling softly and looking back at Casey. “Thank you, Casey.”

Casey nodded as she smiled. “You welcome. Can I sit with you?”

********************

“C’mon, Alex! We just need more kids to play.”

Alex rolled her eyes again as she looked at the kids. “I said I didn’t want to play.”

“You never want to!”

“Then you already know the answer, why are you still asking?”

The boy sighed. “Why you never want to play with us?”

“I just don’t like to play tag. And you’re noisy.”

“Oh, but you get alone with Casey.” One of the girls said as she shrugged, looking at Alex.

Alex stared at her. “I actually like her, she’s nice.” She looked back at her book as she sighed. “Besides, you won’t let me finish my book, and I’m so close to-“

“Lex! We’re gonna play tag! Do you wanna play with us?” Casey appeared all of a sudden and smiled as she stood in front of Alex.

Alex stared at her for a moment, her eyes then looking at the rest of the kids who were waiting for an answer. She sighed softly as she looked back at Casey. “I guess a game won’t hurt.”

Casey jumped and looked at the kids. “Let’s start then! Tag!” She touched one of the girls and started running away.

Alex placed her book on the table and then looked back at the kids. “You better not hurt Casey.”

The kids looked at each other before they started to run. Ever since Alex met Casey, they had become pretty close, something that was a bit odd for Alex since she really didn’t have any friends, but after meeting Casey, she felt attached to her in a way she had never felt about anyone. She came to find that Casey was an extrovert while Alex was definitely an introvert, but she knew that opposites were attracted to each other, so it made sense that Casey and Alex fell into a quick friendship even if they were the whole opposite from each other. They had met at the park the whole week and then came to find out that they were in the same school, just different grades, but still had the chance to see each other at lunch -when Casey was not running around with the rest of the kids-.

She definitely didn’t like tag, not like she didn’t run or anything, because she liked to run, she liked to exercise but she didn’t really like to play any sports, but if Casey wanted to play, who was she to say no? She mostly moved to the same places, not having to run much since whenever she was touched, she quickly found a kid to tag next and that’s how it went on for a while, until Casey noticed that no one was tagging her, frowning slightly as she stood beside Alex.

“Do I have the plague or something?”

Alex turned to look at her. “What do you mean?”

“No one has tagged me. I know I can be fast but like…I’m right here?” Casey raised her brow as she looked at Alex.

Alex sighed as she looked at the kids who were fast to give them both attention as they felt Alex staring. “You’re seriously not gonna tag us?”

One of the kids looked at the rest and then back at Alex. “But- you said…”

“Follow the rules, kids! It’s tag!”

Casey laughed as she looked at Alex and then at the rest of the kids. “You guys are lame. C’mon, Ali, let’s go get some fruit before the bell rings.”

Alex looked at them and shook her head. “You wanted to play and don’t even know the rules? Like she said, you’re lame.” She went for her book and then followed Casey.

*********************

Age 8/Age 10.

Alex was leaning back on a tree with a book on her hands while Casey was practicing, another sunny and hot day of summer. Alex looked up from her book and smiled softly as she saw Casey putting the ball back in the stick she had made to hold her ball; Alex had made fun of her cause Casey had told her that she broke her last set and she was saving to buy one, so she had to get creative and grab some sticks and build something steady to be able to hold her ball as she practiced. After a little over a year of getting to know each other, they had made it a routine to meet at the park and just spend time with each other, while Alex read, and Casey practiced.

It was still fascinating to Alex how she had come to have such a good and nice friendship with someone like Casey, the age didn’t matter much, but the fact that Casey actually wanted to hang out with her, perfectly knowing the kind of kid that Alex was. She thought Casey would want to find kids like her that would want to practice with her, play in the dirt, do any other activity than reading, but Casey seemed to enjoy Alex’s company, even if she was just sitting there reading and watching her practice. Casey yelled as she finally accomplished her goal, jumping and celebrating.

“You go, Ali Cat!” Alex chuckled as she clapped.

Casey frowned, tilting her head as she walked to Alex. “Ali Cat?” She chuckled. “That’s silly, I’m not a cat, Al.”

Alex chuckled. “Well, you are like a cat, Casey. Very fierce.”

Casey rolled her eyes as she sat down beside Alex. “I don’t have any whiskers or paws, y’know?” She smiled.

Alex shrugged. “Still think you’re a cat.”

“Okay…if I’m gonna be an animal, then you’ll be one too.” Casey grinned.

Alex frowned as she grinned. “Oh, yeah? What kind of animal am I?”

Casey chuckled softly. “A bear!”

“A bear?! Do I look like a bear to you?” Alex growled like a bear then, making Casey hysterically laugh, Alex joining right after, a faint blush on her cheeks.

“You’ll be Ali Bear.” Casey laughed as she looked at Alex.

“Still funny?”

Casey shook her head. “The fact that we’re both Ali’s is kinda funny. You’re the only one that I’ll ever call me Ali or Ali Cat.”

Alex nodded. “And you’ll be the only one allowed to call me Ali Bear.”

“Sounds like a deal.” Casey bit her lip as she smiled, leaning on the tree, sitting close to Alex.

********************

Age 11/Age 13.

“Case, I’m sure you’ll make it in the team. You’ve literally been playing since I know you, and it’s been quiet some years.” Alex chuckled as they got to their spot and sat down.

Casey sighed as she placed her bag down and then sat down beside Alex. “I know, just…”I guess I’m nervous.”

Alex chuckled. “You’re overthinking it.” She smiled. “You did great, Ali Cat.” She grinned.

Casey tilted her head as she smiled. “It’s cause you were there, Ali Bear.” She chuckled.

Alex smiled softly as she looked down at her book. “You know I’ll always be your #1 fan.” She looked back at Casey with a faint blush on her cheeks.

Casey nodded as she bit her lip. “I’ll hold you to that.” She smiled. “Oh! By the way.” She opened her bag and looked inside it, getting a book out and then handing it to Alex. “I noticed the other day that you were looking at this book at the store and I remember my mom bought it for me a few weeks ago but…it’s not really my thing. So I wanted you to have it.”

Alex stared at it for a moment before grabbing it. She smiled softly and looked up at Casey, who was staring at her with that adorable smile she so loved. “Case…this is so sweet of you.”

“I just thought you’d enjoy it more than I would. It’s your thing after all.” Casey smiled softly. “And I’ll be waiting to listen to the end of it. I’d love to hear it from you other than reading it.”

Alex nodded softly as she smiled. “I’ll definitely tell you about it.” She chuckled. “Thanks, Casey.”

“You’re very welcome.” Casey smiled before she started to talk about something else.

That was the moment when Alex started to look back to all these years since she had met Casey and before that. She had always considered herself to be the loner kid who really didn’t fit in any group or fit with any other kid, but it turned out that fate had chose to put Casey in her life in the most unexpected way, and it had been her decision to help grow the friendship that they now had. She couldn’t imagine having another friend, she thought that there couldn’t be anyone better than Casey. And that’s when it hit her; it wasn’t only a friends love she felt for Casey, it was more. It was what she had read in all those fantasy books, the love they described as unique and wonderful, something unexpected and beautiful, a love that not anyone could feel. She thought it was just a fantasy, something to catch the readers attention, but now she was coming to te conclusion that she was starting to experience it. It was silly, because she was only thirteen years old and anyone would tell her that it was just a kids love, and maybe it was, but it was everything for her.

It was now crystal clear why she acted the way she did, always blushing around Casey, always trying to look over her -even if Casey was basically her same height, maybe a little taller, and she was braver than Alex was-, always the need to see Casey smile or hear her laugh, being able to spend every day with her even if it was just for a moment. Alex had a cush. She had a crush on her best friend. She had a crush on Casey Allison Novak. Was that even right? She didn’t know. Her parents had never said anything about it, and they knew Casey. The question she had in her mind years ago had made its appearance again. Why in the books they always had the girl falling for the handsome boy and not for the best friend or someone else? She knew people weren’t too open about it, she had heard a bit, but it had never crossed her mind that she could be that person, but now everything made sense.

After the new discovery, Alex tried to hide it as best as she could, she had tried to act as she always did and just keep the friendship going. She went to every practice Casey had after getting in the team, she waited for her while she read the book that Casey had given her, every now and then looking up at Casey, and at time catching Casey staring back at her. She went to every single game that Casey had, never missing one, and it had become their tradition to go for milkshakes after them. But just like every perfect story in the books, there had to be some angst to it. Casey had showed up at her house one time and told Alex the terrible news that she would be moving, and she was not sure she was coming back. It clearly broke Alex’s heart, but she made it seem like things would be okay and that they’d see each other again at some point, maybe call each other every now and then, and they’d find each other soon. It worked for the first year, until it didn’t anymore.

********************

Age 27/Age 29.

It was insane that sixteen years had passed since she had last seen Casey, it haunted Alex every single day how she was stolen from her life, and she never had a chance to see her again. Last she had heard was that Casey still played softball, and that she’d be going to college somewhere in New York, but she was not sure yet what she wanted to do, after that, in her last year of high school, they just lost contact and never spoke again. The calls had worked for a while, Alex had even been willing to visit Casey, but school and extra classes wouldn’t let her, just like Casey being involved in softball barely gave her any time to socialize or do anything else in her life. Alex thought maybe that’s why they lost contact, their lives had become so busy, it wasn’t like they were kids anymore, they had responsibilities and sometimes life worked that way, people come and go just like that, and sometimes there is nothing else they could do about it. As unfair as it sounded, Alex was a realistic person, and she knew better than to pretend that she could’ve avoided what happened between them. And even if she never saw Casey again, that crush had never vanished, she thought every single day about Casey that it was painful. But they were just kids, how could she go to Casey and tell her that she had a crush on her when Casey was focused on softball and she was 2 years younger than Alex, it felt so wrong, but she couldn’t have helped it.

She tried to move on the best she could, she tried to focus on her career, she tried to focus on her future, because the more she looked into the past and what could’ve been if things were different, the more she felt sad and it drained her at some point, it haunted her dreams, it haunted her mind whenever she got nothing better to do and that’s why she preferred to drown in work over letting her mind go to thoughts that would not help her. Even with that heartbreak, she was thankful that she got to have Casey in her life, even if it felt like it had been for a short time, she was thankful and proud to say that after thinking her childhood was nothing more than books, Casey made it bright and fun, and she’d always be thankful for that.

Now, working at SVU, between the paperwork, motions, arraignments, and trials, she had more than enough to keep herself busy. She had also become close with the squad, spending part of her time in her office, in court or in the squad room, helping Alex to fill that hole in her life. She had been working on a rape with the squad and they had gone through all evidence and possible suspects that they had, but it seemed like nothing would be able to bring these little girls the justice they deserved, and that broke their hearts. Growing up, Alex tried to be this ‘cold’ persona to try and keep her emotions in, even if sometimes she failed, she knew better than to break this persona in front of people. She had chosen this career to bring justice and to help those who felt helpless, so if she had to be a serious and determined person in everyone’s eyes, she was in for it.

“The thought of them losing their childhood for this asshole, and we can’t connect him to anything.” Elliot shook his head as he sighed.

“There’s still hope that they can at least work through it and enjoy their childhood but…it’s a work in progress.” Huang shrugged. “What they went through…it’s not something they’ll easily forget.”

“Every kid deserves to have a happy and nice childhood. It’s a shame.” Munch looked back at them as he sat in his chair.

“You had a nice one, Munch?” Fin grinned as he looked at his partner.

“I did. Can recall every bad thing I did.” Munch grinned.

“Can only imagine that.” Olivia laughed and then looked at Alex. “How about you, counselor? Was your childhood okay?”

“I can only imagine Cabot being a serious kid, hiding from everyone with a pile of books by her side. I’d like for you to tell me I’m wrong.” Elliot raised his brow as he looked back at Alex.

Alex offered a faint smile as she looked at them. “It was a bundle of light and joy.” She grabbed her briefcase and then made her way out, leaving everyone with a confused look on their faces, everyone staring at each other.

********************

Alex felt like she was back to being nine years old when the squad asked her to go with them to a softball game and support Elliot. It had been years since she had stepped a food on a softball field, she had no reason to go to and it brough back many memories that she really didn’t want to be reminded of it would hurt too much. But, she had promised that she’d try to go out with the squad more often and that she’d do better to socialize and be a more open person, so she pushed herself out of her bed, dressed up in comfortable clothes and went ahead to meet the squad. She knew she’d get bored at some point, so she took a book with her just in case; she carried one  special book either in her briefcase or in her purse everywhere she went, that book that she hasn’t finished in years, and she couldn’t bring herself to do so. She didn’t have that person to tell the end of the book after all.

She sat on the stands beside Olivia, smiling slightly as she noticed everyone being so excited to support Elliot, they even had shirts with his name on them, which Alex had refused to use. Once the game started, she once again prepared herself mentally to spend the next hour or so to see nothing but sweaty people batting and running around. She didn’t tell them that she understood the game a bit, spending a lot of time with Casey had helped her to understand the game enough to know when she was either winning or losing, that with Casey in the team, they always won. For a moment, she had decided to grab the other book she had brought to keep herself a distracted and then be able to go back to the game, but in that same moment, her eyes suddenly fell on a redhead, a woman. She frowned and stared with intent at the woman, there were about 3 or 4 women in each team, but that was not any woman, she recognized her, she knew her eyes weren’t lying to her; that was Casey Novak.

Her heart sank for a moment as she had a hard moment to catch her breath. It was impossible. It couldn’t be her. But she would recognize those eyes, that hair, those cute and adorable dimples of her anywhere she went, even if she hasn’t seen Casey in years, she could never be wrong about recognizing someone, and more now that it was Casey. Her Casey. Suddenly the game became interesting as she saw that Casey was going to bat next, smiling a bit as it brought her back to those years when she’d be first on the stands, and she’d be cheering for Casey. Casey had joked so many times calling Alex her cheerleader, and even if Alex had hated it so much, she couldn’t help but agree, she’d always be her number #1 fan. She completely forgot that she was with the squad and people she knew were around her, her eyes never looking away from Casey. Next thing she knew, Casey had made a homerun, and she was running, making Alex stand from her place and clap louder than anyone around her.

“Go, Ali Cat!” Alex screamed before her mind proceeded with her words, not noticing at first but then figured out what she had said. Her heart stopped as she looked back at the squad who were now staring at her.

Alex tried to say something, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to make up words to justify what had just left her mouth, but nothing came out, and now she was not only speechless, but her face felt as warm as the sun, and there was no way she could escape from this. So, the only thing she could do was say that she had to run away, not giving them time to say anything to her or joke or laugh at what she had said, soon enough, she vanished from the place.

Casey was running for her life as she heard screams and clapping, but as she got to the last base, she almost tripped as she heard the unfamiliar yet so familiar name that she had not heard in years. She stopped in her tracks as she looked at the stands and tried to find whoever had screamed that name, almost thinking that she was delusional and that maybe she was dehydrated or something. But just as her team ran to her to celebrate the win, her eyes landed on a blonde that seemed to be leaving in a hurry, not giving Casey any chance to take a good look at her to see who she was. She smiled at her team and tried to focus on what was happening, but she was stuck in thought. It couldn’t be, could it? It’s been sixteen years. She was probably just tired.

********************

“You’re kidding me.” Alex whispered softly as the elevator doors opened and just a few feet away from her, there she was; Casey.

It had been around 2 weeks since the softball game accident, the squad knew better than to mention what had happened back there, but now their curiosity to know more about Alex had grown and they were paying more attention to Alex than before. They knew that Alex was a private person, and she didn’t talk much about her private life, just like any of them, but after what they had seen that day, that bright smile on Alex and the excitement which had taken over her entirely, something…no…someone had brought Alex to act that way, and they wanted to know who.

And now, Alex had the reason why right in front of her, just a few feet away. She would be lying if she said that she didn’t see Casey in the law field, Casey was great with arguing and didn’t settle for just any agreement, and Alex knew because they had been stuck in many ‘arguments’ and took their time to settle for a decision that benefited the both of them. Alex always thought it was cute because she always thought that because she was older, Casey would listen to her, but she was wrong, and she’d literally do anything for her. So, seeing her here, in the same building as she was, dressed in a pretty black suit with high heels and her beautiful red hair, it was both surprising but not weird at all. It now made sense why she had been playing with the attorneys in the softball game.

Would she recognize her? She didn’t think she would. It’s been so long, they completely lost contact and maybe Casey had forgotten about her, maybe she didn’t even remember who she was. So she couldn’t just come up to her and say hi, not after what had happened in the game, she didn’t think she had heard her or maybe she did, but even then, she wouldn’t recognize her. She stopped the doors of the elevator as they started to close, not even noticing that she had stood there just staring at Casey, hopefully no one noticed. She cleared her throat and looked down at the floor as she walked to her office, trying not to get noticed.

Later in her office, she had tried to focus on her paperwork, but her mind couldn’t stop thinking about Casey and her being in the same building as she was. Was she supposed to just pretend that nothing happened and that she was not there? That she didn’t know her? I mean, she could try, definitely, but she knew she would fail. Her anxiety just wouldn’t forget it. But go to her and say hi? She couldn’t do that. She didn’t want to be a creep, she didn’t want to make a fool out of herself. She had already done that once and she regretted it so much. She looked at her briefcase and sighed softly as she opened it and got the book that Casey had given her years ago. She smiled as she looked down at it, her fingers tracing the wrinkles that the cover now had. Even though she had taken good care of it, she took it everywhere with her, unfinished, and being in her briefcase or her bag, caused the book to have its imperfections now, but still meant everything to Alex. She didn’t notice that her boss was standing on her doorframe, just staring at her, and wondering what was going on in Alex’s mind.

“Alex?” Elizabeth asked as she raised her brow.

Alex looked up at Elizabeth and offered a shy smile. “Hi. Is everything okay?”

Elizabeth nodded and walked inside the office. “Yes. Just came to say hi.”

Alex raised her brow as she grinned. “You never just come to say hi. What did I do?”

“Why do you think you did something? Did you?” Elizabeth smirked.

“I don’t think so, not yet.” Alex placed the book in front of her and smiled as she leaned back in her chair.

“Those detectives are definitely changing your mind, they’ll drag you down with them.” Elizabeth smiled.

Alex chuckled as she shook her head. “They’re not. And if anything, I’m willing to. They have a good heart.”

Elizabeth nodded. “I know you’ve been loads of work, not only from SVU cases, so…Branch and I decided to bring a new recruit to help you out.”

Alex frowned as she looked at Elizabeth. “I don’t…I don’t need any help, Liz. I got this.”

“I know. Trust me. But I don’t want you to be drowning here, Alex. You also need a life outside of the office and the courtroom. Don’t worry. She’s good. I know her and I gotta admit that she’s almost on your level. Branch and I believe that she can definitely work with you and the squad.”

“You bet your money on her?” Alex grinned.

“I could.” Elizabeth smirked. “I’ll send her your way later. She’s with Branch right now.” Elizabeth walked to the door but was stopped by Alex.

“What’s her name?”

Elizabeth looked back at Alex. “Casey Novak.” She then looked at Alex’s desk and smiled. “I read that book years ago. So cliché but cute.”

Alex looked down at the book and smiled. “I uh…haven��t finished it.” She looked back at Elizabeth.

“You should.” Elizabeth smiled before she left the office.

Alex felt like her mind had started spinning around at the name, deep inside she knew it could be Casey, but part of wished that she would name someone else, that it wouldn’t be her. What was she supposed to do now? Was she going to pretend that she didn’t know her? Was she going to tell Casey who she was? Would she even remember her? The question spiraled on her mind once again, playing various scenarios in her mind as she tried to focus back on her paperwork, putting back the book inside her briefcase. This would definitely be torture; the what ifs, the scenarios playing in her mind, the millions of ways that this could play out. Anything could happen, but she couldn’t possibly deal with that ‘anything’.

Before she knew it, an hour or so had passed, she had gotten a call from Liv, telling her that some redhead had showed up at their scene and asked Alex why she couldn’t take the case. Alex didn’t know how Casey was as an attorney, but the fact she went to the scene with them made a lot of sense. Alex just explained to Olivia that if they needed anything, she’d be there for them, but to trust Casey in what she was doing, and things would be okay. After that, her anxiety was back taking over her body as she tried to focus back on work, but once again, it was interrupted by a knock on the door, and that is when, once again, Alex’s heart stopped just like the very first time she laid eyes on Casey.

“Hi. Liz told me to stop by your office.” Casey smiled softly. “Can I come in?”

Alex nodded as she cleared her throat. “Y-Yeah! Come on in.” She offered a small smile as Casey walked in and sat down. What was supposed to happen now?

“I heard you’re the ADA of SVU. Sorry that you gotta work with me now.” Casey chuckled softly.

Alex shook her head as she huffed a chuckle. “According to Liz, she doesn’t want me to drown in work and you’re here to save me from it.” She smiled as she looked at Casey. “Heard you already made yourself present with the detectives.”

Casey scoffed as she nodded. “I don’t think they like me much.”

Alex shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, Case. They just need to get used to you. I know they had to get used to me.”

Casey frowned at the mention of her name, even if some people had called her Case before, it felt different coming from the blonde in front of her. And then it hit her. This was the blonde that she saw in the game. She was not delusional, this had been the girl that yelled that nickname that she has not heard for the last sixteen years. And everything made sense now. She looked so mature, even more than she did when they were young, and now she was wearing glasses, which fit her so perfectly and made her features stand out. Her hair was shorter, it was as beautiful as she remembered but now it braced her face just perfectly. And those eyes…how could she forget those blue eyes; she always thought that those stood out over anything else, and she loved looking into them. This was Alex Cabot. Her Alex Cabot.

“Ali Bear.” Casey whispered softly as she stared at Alex.

Alex’s heart stopped at the nickname, staring back into green eyes. “You…you remember me?”

Casey’s smile widened as she huffed a laugh. “How could I forget you? We…you were my best friend in my childhood.”

Alex’s heart warmed at her words, her smile widening too. “And you were mine.” She chuckled softly as she shook her head. “I uh…I was afraid maybe you…you wouldn’t recognize me.”

Casey tilted her head as she smiled. “You’re the only one I’d ever let call me Ali, remember?” She shrugged. “It’s been that way ever since.”

“So, no one knows your middle name is Allison, huh?” Alex grinned.

“Nope, and I hope no one knows.” Casey laughed softly as she looked down at her hands for a moment, and then her eyes went back to stare at Alex. “I always wondered what you were up to.” She smiled.

Alex smiled softly and nodded. “I wondered too.”

Casey smiled. “How about we go for a drink to update each other?” She bit her lip softly as she tilted her head.

Alex felt butterflied on her stomach as she looked at Casey, always been fascinated by the way she bit her lip. “Sounds good.”

********************

Alex was talking to Olivia and Elliot about a case that had been assigned to her, trying to go over what they could and not do to not screw the case. As always, Elliot tried to get under her nerves trying to get her to do as they pleased and basically telling her to ignore the law and her bosses, sighing loudly as she looked away. Elliot kept going on and off about how Alex didn’t think about the victims and more shit, and in that moment Alex stopped listening to him as she noticed Casey walking out of Cragen’s office, making her focus on her and literally ignore Elliot. She smiled softly as Casey’s eyes landed on her and she smiled back at her, trying to get her attention back to Cragen.

“Alex!”

Alex turned to look at Elliot as she sighed. “I told you already, and I won’t repeat myself. Either you get me a good reason, or I won’t be doing anything. I’m not about to do your job, Elliot. And you know that.” Elliot sighed as he shook his head and walked away from them, leaving Olivia and Alex alone. Alex turned to look at Olivia and raised her brow. “Anything you’d like to say, detective?”

Olivia shook her head as she grinned. “You got lost there for a moment.”

Alex frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, c’mon. You’re really gonna tell me that you were not just staring at Novak.”

Alex turned back to look at Casey and then back at Olivia, shrugging. “Not sure what you mean. I just didn’t know she was here.”

“Oh, so the smile she gave you was…nothing.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Your point?”

Olivia grinned as she tilted her head. “She was the bundle of light and joy, wasn’t it?”

Alex stared at Olivia for a moment, and against her will, a smile appeared on her face, rolling her eyes as she looked away. “I-“

“You know better than to lie.” Olivia raised her brow.

Alex looked back at her and smiled. “Yes. It was Casey.”

“And you hadn’t seen each other all these years?”

Alex shook her head. “Sixteen years. She moved away, we tried to stay in contact but…it only worked for a bit.”

“And you had a crush on her.” Olivia smirked.

Alex rolled her eyes again as she grinned. “What is this, 20 questions?”

“I’m curious.” Olivia smiled.

“You better not tell the rest of the squad.” Alex raised her brow.

“Oh, they been curious for a while now…Ali Cat.” Olivia grinned playfully as she laughed.

Alex hit her arm playfully. “Shut up. I thought you guys would never mention that, and please, do not bring it up to Casey.”

Olivia chuckled. “C’mon. It’s cute. Childhood nickname?” Alex nodded. “What’s yours?” She smiled.

Alex sighed. “Ali Bear…” she whispered softly.

“That. Is adorable.” Olivia laughed again. “Better than ice queen.”

“You know what, I’m out of here. I’ve got work to do.” Alex grabbed her briefcase and shook her head.

Olivia laughed again and patted Alex’s back before she left. Alex hadn’t noticed, but the whole time she had been talking to Olivia, Casey had been staring at her and trying to figure out whatever she was talking about to Olivia. She sighed softly as she focused back on Cragen and offered a small smile before she too left. It had been a long time since they both had seen each other, even if Alex had recognized her and they were now spending time together again, she knew better than to think that Alex had been thinking about her this whole time. Casey had only been her childhood best friend and now they were colleagues, trying to form a friendship again. That was it.

********************

“C’mon, Casey. You really don’t believe that.” Olivia sighed as she shook her head.

“Olivia, you cannot hold her here when we have no reason. If you get her to confess right now, you can definitely book her in, but otherwise, we have nothing.” Casey said as she looked at Olivia.

“She killed that kid, and you want her to walk away?!” Olivia raised her voice as she looked back at Casey.

“Olivia…it’s been almost 24 hrs. You got nothing on her, and I don’t see her confessing any time soon. She’s not under arrest and soon enough, she’ll lawyer up. Unless she already did, and you haven’t told me about it.” Casey stared at her with a serious look.

Olivia shook her head. “You’re unbelievable. You rather her walk away and get back home, and maybe, she’ll go after another innocent kid. But no, we cannot arrest her. It’ll be on you if another kid dies in her hands!”

“Olivia, that’s enough!”

Both Casey and Olivia turned to find Alex at the door, staring at both women. Alex was now directly staring at Olivia, and Olivia could feel the tension and figured that she had upset not only Casey, but Alex too. After a moment of silence, Alex finally sighed and spoke up, cutting the tension of the room.

“You know better than to argue and blame Casey for something that is not in her hands. Cut her loose and try to find something.” Alex tried to sound as calm as possible, her eyes never leaving Olivia’s.

Olivia nodded softly as she looked between Casey and Alex. “Okay.” She whispered softly and walked out of the room, leaving Alex and Casey alone.

Casey crossed her arms as she sighed, looking back at the suspect. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“There’s nothing you can do right now, Casey. I know better than anyone that it’s their way to intimidate you, so you do something. And honestly, that’d only get you in trouble.”

“I’d get in trouble, not you. So why does it matter?” Casey looked back at Alex and shrugged. “Olivia is right. She’ll go back to the streets, she could get another kid and…” she sighed. “It’ll be on me.”

Alex walked to Casey and placed her hand on her shoulder, rubbing it up and down. “They’ll find something, and you’ll get her. Do not start blaming yourself for this now, Case. Olivia is just upset.”

Casey scoffed as she looked away and licked her lips. “Yeah, well. Maybe you should calm your girlfriend down.” She said almost in a whisper as she went to get her briefcase.

Alex frowned as her eyes followed Casey. “What?”

Casey looked back at Alex as she shrugged. “She listened to you. I could’ve said the same to her and she’d still be all over me here, yelling at me, telling me how I’m heartless and prefer to let her walk free.” She shook her head. “But you walked in, and suddenly she agrees.”

“Casey-“

“No, seriously, Alex. I get it. They have to get used to me but…maybe you should tell your girlfriend that I’m only trying to do my job here, and that’s it. I’m not looking for enemies or anything.” Casey sighed as she shook her head again. “I’ll see you back in the office.”

Before Alex could say anything else, Casey walked out of the room, leaving Alex alone with a confused look on her face. Her girlfriend? Where did she get that from? Why would she say that and why did she seem to be so upset? A lot of questions crossed Alex’s mind as she stood there. Was…was Casey jealous?

********************

The unfinished book had been laying on Alex’s bed for a while now, Alex had gotten herself to finish some paperwork at home since it was a chilly night in New York, and she preferred to finish all of it back in the comfort of her house. She was now making sure that the paperwork was done and making sure there was nothing left to do before she closed the file and put it back on her briefcase. Her eyes landed on the book for a moment, Liz’s words suddenly showed up in her mind as she smiled. She had only left two chapters, around forty pages left. The reason she had never finished the book had been because it reminded her of Casey, and reading it only meant that she would know the end of it, and she wouldn’t be able to tell Casey about it. Of course, she could’ve just told her over the phone, but it wasn’t the same. It wouldn’t be the same. She sighed softly as she grabbed it and placed it back in her briefcase, deciding it was time to sleep.

A few days later, Alex had just arrived at her office after a full day of motions and trials, feeling defeated as she sat down on her chair, leaning back and throwing her head back as she groaned. For the second time that week, her eyes landed on the book that was peaking out of her briefcase, almost as if it was calling for her. For a moment, it made her think back to what had happened with Casey a week ago, she had not been able to talk to her because they both had been pretty busy and Alex had not seen her around the office, but something also told her that maybe, Casey was avoiding her. Even if she was still confused and a little sad over it, she smiled a little and grabbed it, opening it for the first time in god knew how long. Her eyes studied the whole page and finally, she decided she was ready to finish it.

She figured that it had been somehow silly that she never finished it, but it had honestly meant so much for Alex when Casey gave her the book, that the thought of finishing it without her, broke her heart and it made her feel as if she was betraying Casey in some way. Now, Casey seemed to be mad at her, but something told her that she had to finish it, that she could now finish it, and maybe this could be some sort of closure for her. An hour or so went by and Alex had been leaning back on her chair, moving it side to side as she read the book, lost in the words; she had missed how fantasy books made her feel, and it so happened that this book had come with a twist that she had not expected but it made her smile ear to ear. A knock on the door made her look up, her smile fading slightly as she noticed the redhead standing at the door.

“Hey.” Casey said softly.

“Hi.” Alex offered a small smile. “I thought I was the only one in the office.”

Casey huffed a chuckle as she shrugged. “I had to do some paperwork and I thought it would be better to finish it here.”

Alex nodded. “Heading out?”

Casey nodded. “Yeah.” She nibbled on her lip as she looked at Alex. “But…I was hoping I would find you here.”

Alex grinned slightly. “It’s your lucky day.”

Casey chuckled softly as she nodded, closing the door behind her even though she knew they were the only people there. “I uh…I wanted to apologize, for the other day. You…you were protecting me and I just…took it out on you.”

Alex shrugged. “The squad gets on your nerves at some point.” She offered a sympathetic smile.

“But not you.” Casey shook her head. “And you didn’t do anything other than speak for me.”

Alex nodded. “Apology accepted.”

“I’m also sorry about the Olivia thing. It was out of line and-“

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Casey frowned as she looked at Alex. “She’s…not?”

Alex shook her head. “No.” She chuckled. “We’re just…close friends but…she’s not.”

“Oh.” Casey blushed slightly, trying to look away. “I- made a fool of myself.” She chuckled nervously as she looked down at her hands.

Alex frowned as she had a playful grin on her face. “Did you really think we were together?”

“I just-“ Casey shrugged as she looked back at Alex. “You…you were laughing and…I thought-“

“We were talking about you.” Alex snapped as she smiled.

Casey stopped for a moment and just stared at Alex. “What?”

“She…” Alex huffed a laugh. “That day…of the game. I was supposed to go in support of Elliot. They had invited me, and I had said that I wouldn’t go but they insisted. I got there, and I knew that I was going to bored. I had not been to a game since I went to yours.” She sighed. “When I screamed for you…they stared at me with a face…” she laughed. “With a face that could clearly tell that they were so confused. They were so confused, and I ran away. And then, one time, we were talking about this case, they mentioned out childhoods, and when I was asked how mine had been…I said it had been a bundle of light and joy.” She smiled. “I meant you.”

Casey’s whole body warmed at her words, a faint smile on her face as she listened to Alex. “She figured it out.”

Alex nodded as she smiled. “She did.” She shrugged. “She asked me about you, and I told her. She was making fun of my nickname.”

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “It was only fair that you were Ali Bear.”

Alex chuckled as she nodded. “Of course, you were my Ali Cat.” She smiled.

Casey smiled as she placed her briefcase on the chair, walking to Alex and leaning over the desk. “What else did you say?”

Alex looked up at Casey and smiled. “I didn’t let her say or ask anything else. I just left.”

Casey nodded. “Was there a question you didn’t answer?”

Alex stared at her for a moment and nodded. “There was.”

Casey smiled softly and then looked down at Alex’s desk, noticing the book in front of her. Her smile widened. “You still have it.”

Alex looked back at the book and smiled. “I just finished it.”

Casey looked back at her and smiled. “Tell me the end?”

Alex looked back at Casey and smiled, a slight blush on her cheeks. “It’s a love story with a twist. She thinks she had her whole future planned, fell in love with someone. But…she ended up with her best friend.”

“A girl?” Casey raised her brow.

“A girl.” Alex smiled as she shrugged. “I’ve never read a book like this one. They always end up with the handsome guy.”

“A bit cliché, anyway, don’t you think?” Casey grinned.

“Maybe. Still nice to see a different ending.” Alex smirked. “Haven’t read a book like this in years.”

“And why did you never finish it?” Casey asked softly as she crossed her arms, looking at Alex with a curious look on her face.

Alex looked down at the book and smiled. “Because you weren’t here to tell you the end.” She looked back up at Casey and smiled. “But now you are.”

Casey wetted her lips and nibbled on it, staring down at Alex. “What was the question, Alex?”

Alex took a deep breath and stood up from her chair, standing in front of Casey. She didn’t know where all this confidence had come from, but she would take it any day. “She asked if I had a crush on you back then.” She took a moment, knowing that Casey would ask about it. “And I didn’t answer it. But the answer is yes…I did.”

Casey smiled. “A kids crush?”

Alex chuckled as she shrugged. “Figured until I was 13.”

Casey stared at her for a moment as she took a deep breath, grinning. “I figured when I was 10.”

Alex frowned. “What?”

“I might’ve been a little too young but…” Casey shrugged. “I had heard other girls talking about crushes. I heard about their crushes and…I tried to read about it anywhere, what a crush was and how could you tell you had one.” She smiled. “I figured when I was ten. But we were kids. I thought…it would just go away. But all I could think about was you.”

Alex’s heart stopped for a moment as she looked into green eyes, taking off her glasses out of nervousness, not knowing where she could put her hands or what to do at the moment. She then started playing with them, not knowing what to say. “And…was it just a kids crush?”

Casey shook her head. “No.” She smiled. “It became more than a kids crush. You never left my mind. And I waited for the day where I could finally see you again, and I hoped for so long that I would.” Alex tilted her head as she brought the temple tip of her glasses to her lips, biting it as she nodded. Casey slowly took the glasses from Alex and put them back on Alex, her hand landing on Alex’s cheek while the other put a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. “I always wondered if you’d ever end up with glasses.” She smiled. “They fit you so well. I like it.”

Alex stared at her, her breath hitched as she felt Casey’s stare literally intimidating her without intention. “Casey.” She breathed out.

“It has not gone away, Alex. After all these years.” Casey smiled. “And I finally found you.”

Alex smiled softly as she nodded. “I found you too.”

“So…Ali Bear…” Casey chuckled. “Do you have a crush on me?” She grinned.

Alex chuckled softly as she bit her lip. “Ali Cat…I do. I’ve been in love with you for the longest time. As cheesy as that sounds.”

Casey tilted her head as she smiled. “So.” She stroked her cheek softly. “Should we give it a try?”

Alex smiled as she placed her hands on Casey’s waist, making her stand up and move closer to Alex. “I don’t want to miss another chance, not when you’re back in my life.”

“You’re so cheesy, Ali Bear.” Casey chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around Alex’s neck and pulled her closer, closing the gap between them.

Alex smiled against her lips before kissing Casey back, her arms wrapping around Casey’s waist and bringing her impossibly closer to her body. Of course it wasn’t her first kiss, but it felt like it was the kiss that she had always dreamt of having, and with the perfect person. She laughed in her mind at how cheesy this whole conversation had turned, but after all, she had ended with the cliché finale that she had read so many times, but this time, that finale included Casey and not some lame, stupid guy. It included the girl of her dreams, and she knew this was just the beginning of their story.

[freddiemercurylegendabovelegends]

Today - March 12th, 1974 - Queen Story!

Interview with Freddie Mercury – NME

by Julie Webb

It was clear for all to see that Queen’s Freddie Mercury wasn’t in the best of health. His hair lacked the recent attention of heated curling tongs; a cold sore was erupting above his upper lip; and horror – seems he’d not been able to summon enough strength to apply Biba black nail polish to more than one hand.

Mercury was worried as the camera lens zoomed in on him. He beseeched us to “touch up the picture to remove the cold sore if you can.”

I know it sounds like we’re setting the guy up, but he takes it all in good heart. Why, last time we met he stated he was “gay as a daffodil” – and here he was, willingly holding a daffodil in hand, outside Buckingham Palace. He posed regally, shirt temporarily coming unhitched from his trousers, revealing a hairy chest.

The British tour sapped most of the Mercury energy. Bedridden with laryngitis when it finished, he had just a few free days to repair any mental or physical damage before Queen joined Mott The Hoople on their two-month tour of America.

He is, in short pretty knackered – and if the American tour seems to be happening too soon after Britain, there’s no way he can change things.

I’d like a couple of weeks off, but you’ve got to push yourself. But we’re at a stage in our careers, my dear, where it’s just got to be done. I shall be resting on my laurels soon…”

He stops, considers the last remark and realises he may have said the wrong thing. Hurriedly he comes in with, “To put it another way, I shall try and reap my profits. I’ve worked my ass off these past few months. I’ve worked till I’ve dropped and after a while you physically can’t do it.”

Didn’t he think the British tour was a bit too busy, what with so many gigs included. “Yes it was a heavy tour, but it put us in a different bracket overnight. It’s a tour we had to do and I think now we’ve done it we can do the next British tour on our own terms, exactly how we like.

“With this tour we were booked in well beforehand at semi-big venues and, by the time we came to doing them, we had the album out, we’d got a bit of TV exposure and everything escalated. I think if we’d waited we could have done all the big venues – it’s just a matter of timing. But I’m glad we did the tour when we did. Even though there was a lot of physical and mental strain – so many things to worry about other than the music.”

A situation not improved by the fact that all members of Queen are, according to Mercury, “very highly strung”. Add to that his admitted bad temper. “I’m very emotional. Whereas before, I was given time to make my decisions, now nearly all of us are so highly strung we just snap. We always argue but I think it’s a healthy sign because we get to the root of the matter and squeeze the best out. But lately so much is happening, it’s escalating so fast that everybody wants to know almost instantly, and I certainly get very temperamental.”

“You’ve got to know where to draw the line. But the public always come first – it’s a corny thing to say but I mean it. Lately I’ve been throwing things around which is very unlike me. I threw a glass at someone the other day. I think I’m going to go mad in a few years time; I’m going to be one of those insane musicians.”

It’s at this point that I begin to wonder about Mercury. On stage he lords it around like some old slag. Offstage, he’s vain, camp – yet a nice enough dude.

He just has an unfortunate way with him during interviews, coming out with quotes and stories that are bound to be misconstrued or lay him wide open to mickey-taking. This could well account for some of the unkind press the band have received.

“I think, to an extent, we are a sitting target because we gained popularity quicker than most bands and we’ve been talked about more than any other band in the last month, so it’s inevitable. Briefly, I’d be the first one to accept fair criticism. I think it would be wrong if all we got were good reviews – but it’s when you get unfair, dishonest reviews where people haven’t done their homework that I get annoyed.” Unlike many British bands, they’ve waited until the time was right and are appearing on the same bill as Mott, who will assuredly pull in large crowds.

So the present and the future seem well assured I enquire about the past – like, what kind of family background does a guy like Mercury have?

“Middle-class. Musicians aren’t social rejects any more. If you mean; Have I got upper class parents who put a lot of money into me? Was I spoilt? – no. My parents were very strict. I wasn’t the only one, I’ve got a sister, I was at boarding school for nine years so I didn’t see my parents that often. That background helped me a lot because it taught me to fend for myself.”

Boarding school… if we are to believe stories that circulate about boarding schools – brutish behaviour, homosexual goings-on – well, the mind positively boggles in Freddie Mercury’s case.

I broach the subject…

“it’s stupid to say there is no such thing in boarding schools. All the things they say about them are more or less true. All the bullying and everything else. I’ve had the odd schoolmaster chasing me. It didn’t shock me because somehow boarding schools… you’re not confronted by it, you are just slowly aware of it. It’s going through life.”

So was he the pretty boy who everyone wanted to lay?

“Funnily enough, yes. Anybody goes through that. I was considered the arch poof.”

So how about being bent?

“You’re a crafty cow. Let’s put it this way, there were times when I was young and green. It’s a thing schoolboys go through. I’ve had my share of schoolboy pranks. I’m not going to elaborate further.”

Oh dear. And just when we were doing so well.

📸 Pic: 1974 - Freddie Mercury posing

[shrimpsalot]

Oh gawd I dreamt of quite a weird AU(?) last night so yapping ahead!!

So for whatever reason instead of getting a full ss3, we just get random episodes here and there about their 11th-12th year? Randy and Howard's relationship r still ride or die but they managed to form a bigger friend circle with Theresa, Debbie, Julian, Bucky and Rachel and often have lunch together in a more darker gloomier version of the cafeteria (think it's just my irl school cafeteria that got projected into my dreams 😭 but for shits and giggles let's say Slimovitz ran out of budget to fix it completely after another monster attack). Unfortunately there was an assignment in class that put Howard and Debbie in the same group, idk about everyone else, and they have to research about stuff like Ninja's Japan origins, tactics, fighting techniques, types of weapons he used etc. Ofc no one knows it better than randy (and kinda howard) so when they were fighting about it during lunch, Randy just casually went "no actually because if you maneuver your body like that you wouldn't ensure a safe landing and might twist your ankle, also the chain sickle is used more as a defensive weapon such as blocking a sword, locking the opponent's weapon in place and potentially yanking it towards you, and did you know smoke bombs are crafted wit-" accidentally yapping about things Nomicon taught him until Howard cuts in to save his butt "see Debbie, even Cunningham's more knowledgeable about the ninja you sure you've been studying him properly for your reports?" which re-enabled their argument and divert the attention away from randy(which he's gonna thank Howard for later). A bit of time later an attack happen in town while they were working on the assignment in the cafeteria after school, Randy ofc had to leave but it'd be suspicious so he made an excuse maybe smth along the lines of they can learn more by watching the ninja fight and everyon agreed. Again he separated from them mid-walk to do some ninja-ing, which worried theresa that he's nowhere to be seen while Howard and Debbie is still fighting about their research. Howard couldn't take it anymore as well as lowkey bothered by Theresa so he called randy to prove that he's safe, AND to call for backup on his ninja knowledge. The phone call was the same vibe as ones in the show and while Howard was too engrossed on the convo, Ninja!Randy holding the phone answering while fighting got launched backwards to the front of the alleyway where the group was but randy didn't see them so he was unaware that they heard the phone convo. When he was finished and transformed back, he immediately ran into them after turning a corner and the first thing he said is "heeyyyy uh so I got a lil lost where were you guys? Ahaha" all for Debbie to respond with a shocked expression "YOU'RE the ninja?!?"

"what?? Nooooo I I am definitely not the Ninja psshh what makes you say that? I'm just a lil ol me Randy that's right there's no ninja here-", Theresa then explained they overheard his phone call and Randy gave in, only to be slightly offended to see Bucky looking defeated and handing Rachel $5. Cartoon scene cut and we see randy on his hands and knees in front of debbie(nothing too serious its like those comedy anime gags type of pose)

"What a sight. An 800 year old ninja vs the power of journalism." Bucky tries to lighten up the mood. Randy is begging Debbie not to write about this (for the second time) and she's having a hard time accepting (again) so she asked "what if I do write it? What would you do?" making randy look up at her with a serious face without saying anything, causing slight misunderstanding

"y-you're gonna erase me?!"

"what?? No ofc not I was just gonna mind wipe you!!!"

"mind wipe?"

"uh I mean-"

"what, by using that book that you sometimes drool on while being unconscious?"

"W-what book?-"

"is that like an 800 year old ancient ninja book of wisdom?"

"HOW ARE YOU STILL GOOD AT THIS???"

"wait 'still'?"

"CUNNINGHAM WILL YOU STOP TALKING SHE FEEDS ON YOUR ANSWERS" Howard shouted from the side

"do you mean you've mind wiped me before??"

"huh is it that time in 9th grade where you broadcasted to the whole town that he's the ninja which turned out to be false?" Rachel questioned

"I did what in 9th grade?????"

"... Debbie please" Randy pleaded

"Randy this is ridiculous" Debbie pinched her nose bridge "then why don't you just mind wipe us this time?"

"um..."

"because you can't or because the book will get mad at you?"

"enough with the mind wipe how did YOU know he was the ninja Rachel?" Howard saving randy once again

"well that time I got turned into a monster and the Ninja made me an apology song, it sounded awfully familiar to randy during music class so I just guessed, plus whenever we hang out and there's an emergency he's always the first one to disappear on us"

"and you gotta admit Randy's jokes are as bad as the ninja's " Bucky chimed in

The mood between them improved so debbie eventually agreed because they're friends for the past year or so, and that's when I started to wake up :') one more weird thing is the ninja in my dream didn't have a red scarf around his neck, it's more like black-blue color and idk maybe he looks cooler that way? At least it is in my dream

Thank u for reading I'll think about whether to make this into a real AU or not 😭😭 Edit: i just realized i dreamt of Julian but the entire time he was standing behind theresa, also worrying about randy but idk why he didnt do anything else :')

[celestialcrownsvn]

August 6th 2024 Update

Hello all,

Writing

I've written around 1000 new words for Aalam's route, about halfway through a new scene--minus the branches. I think it will be the only entirely new scene, the other edits are just tweaking existing scenes to make sure everything fits right. Here's a little preview:

Backgrounds

I also just got news that the Andromeda library bg is done. You guys are not ready for how beautiful it is. Here is just a small preview. Kickstarter backers will be able to see the whole thing in the update on the 12th.

Every time I see a new BG done, I cry. they're just so pretty ;;

I've set new deadlines for myself to try and get back into a groove:

Aalam's route edits: end of September

Sahi's route edits: end of October

Lune's route edits: end of November.

Full game edited and programmed: end of December.

I'm not totally positive about the programming being done by December, but we'll see. I'll be programming most of it while I edit anyway, but there's a lot of small touches and polishing I know I'll want to do.

There's still plenty of time though.

Music

The composers have gotten their marching orders and are starting on the new songs for the LIs. I should have something to show for that by early next year.

Tumblr

I am going to start doing these weekly updates again, sorry again for the long hiatus. I'm not going to say things are calming down for me because every time I do some new terrible thing happens, but at this point i"m just trying to power through.

Weekly Drawing Stream

The weekly drawing stream is tonight on Twitch: https://twitch.tv/harlevinvns

Beauty Kills the Beast

BKB will be updating weekly from now on. Even if you can't afford to support me by buying the premium content, I hope you'll still check out the game and have a good time with it.

Kickstarter Rewards

I will be working on the guide once I finish the game edits, so probably starting in January.

I've been slowly chipping away at the lore book, and I'll work on that in earnest once the guide is complete.

Conclusion

Your support means everything to me. Every like and reblog on here genuinely makes my whole day. Thanks so much for having faith in me and I promise I won't let you down. Celestial Crowns is close to the finish line guys, let's push it over the edge.

[stjohnstarling]

I just wanted to say, I recently started to read WMOM again as the first time I stopped around the 12th chapter due to stuff. But I always knew I would come back. Let me tell you this is an incredible story. I am compelled to read and read and read. The vivid images I get from each chapter that nourish my imagination and my heart are so welcomed. How long since a piece of writing brought such feeling to me? Too long.

I am so grateful you brought this story to life and shared it. It is incredible. Thank you.

Do you ever plan to make it as a book we could buy? I want to keep it in my home and hold it in my hand til the world's end. I would pay a lot for that.

I wish I could express in better words how moved I am with your story. In case it's not clear I adore it.

Be well and successful in everything you ever set your mind to.

Wow, this is such an amazing thing to hear about my own writing. Thank you so much!! I don’t really know what to say, but I’m touched.

And yes I am absolutely planning physical editions. They will happen once I have a cover together and have finished editing and expanding the novel! Hopefully later this year.

[demontime09]

Faded - Chapter 2

Alr posting the second part 😈

____________________________________

Chris never came back. But that's normal now, I guess. I've curled myself into my bed, my reading glasses on, carefully turning pages so as not to rip it.

"Wha' youu readin?" I don't even look up as I immediately recognize the voice.

"Old yeller." I reply softly. I finally look up to see him teetering on my window sill.

"Can I uh-" He stumbles and holds himself up on the wall. "Comeee in?" He finishes.

"Aren't you already?" I reply, placing my book back on the nightstand. He stumbles over and falls on top of me. His gaze lingers on my chest before looking at me. His eyes desperately try to focus to no avail. "Mm, you're so purtty," He mumbles before yawning and beginning to snore on me. I run my fingers through his hair before turning off my lamp. This has become our nightly routine, and who am I to break it? If Chris enjoys it, I do, too.

11:35am

I wake to no Chris. No warm embrace, no pillow talk, no making coffee for each other. But again, that's how it is.

I walk downstairs to see him reaching into his pockets and desperately searching for something. He's dressed, his wife beater and jeans hugging him perfectly. Sometimes I wish i could take off his clothes in a sexy manner but its almost always to wash vomit stains out.

Instead of it smelling of sex, it smells like weed and booze. Instead of moans and happily praising eachother, it's him mumbling profanitys at me or passing out on me. Like last night. I'm glad it wasn't the latter.

He turns suddenly and notices me. He finches slightly. "Oh, hey. Thanks for letting me crash here last night, ma, " He says awkwardly. "Of course, anytime." I smile a tiny bit, which seems to affect him in some way, and he immediately looks away and rambles about losing his keys. I nod toward the bedroom and tell him they're on my floor. And by the time I'm in and out of the bathroom, Chris is nowhere to be found.

_______

I guess I should give you some background. I met Chris at a highschool party in 12th grade. Before he had any of his issues, back when he only dabbled in weed and only drank at parties. I thought he was cute, funny. The type of guy I'd see myself being with. He ended up driving me home, kissing me goodnight, and that was that. I was hooked. I knew I needed this man.

I spent the next couple months trying to get close to him. I'd invite him over, ask him out, and he would most of the time. By month 3 he was canceling dates, but would always somehow make it up to me. By month 6 he was high 24/7, making excuses, and starting to sell bud. Before I knew it, a whole year of knowing Chris had passed. And the chris i met at that party, the chris who bought me flowers at graduation, the chris who told me he'd wait for me when I wasn't ready, the Chris who used to blast rap music in my house without my input. It was always him choosing the music, but I never minded. All of those things, all of that chris, was pretty much gone. Now I only ever get affection if Chris is drunk enough.

I know this sounds like I'm just throwing a pity party for myself, but I really don't mind it. I've always been on the passive side, things don't bother me too bad. That's why me and Chris work so well. He wants to get high and drunk, that's his business. And I'll always be here for him. And even though everyone tells me to leave him, I can't bring myself to. Who will be here to take care of him? To hold his hair back when he's sick? to get him water and advil for his hangovers? This has become somewhat of a purpose for me and I'll never give it up, I don't care what my friends say.

I snap out of my daydream and start getting ready for work.

(Time skip, I am not writing abt her working who gives a flying fuck)

After hours of work all I really want is a joint. And I know I know, but I used to dabble in weed too, and I developed quite the liking to it. Ever since I saw chris and his problems, I got scared off from it. But if he gets to get faded every single day, why should I not get to have a bit of fun?

Only problem is, I don't have any weed, it's super late, and I'm itching for the sweet sweet smell of bud. I have one choice.

I call chris, and thankfully, he doesn't sound drunk. "Hey ma, what's up?" "Can you come over, please?" I hear him hesitate and sigh. "I dont-" "I wanna get high." I blurt. "Oh. Uh, um yeah, gimme 15 minutes." He hangs up.

I'm about 20 minutes I'm sitting on my bed with Chris, his wife beater has gotten a little dirty and his jeans are scuffed up.

He clears his throat and fixes his hat.

"Why don't you change chris?" "Wha- I don't have any clothes here. "Yes, you do. In that drawer, I had you bring some over a couple of weeks ago." "Oh I um, forgot." Chris always,"forgets." I think it's cute.

He changes into some pajama pants and white shirt. Classic chris.

I look closer at his eyes, they're red, he doesn't seem to be drunk at all, just high.

"Would you like some eye drops?" I ask camly. "Fuck ma, are we gonna smoke this or not!" He snaps. I immediately flinch away a bit. "Fuck, I'm sorry Char, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Chris." I smile softly. "Really, it's okay, you're right, let's do it." He looks away, "You sure you don't mind it in your room? I can blow it out the window." His voice is low and calm. "It's fine." I don't wanna inconvenience Chris, he's come all this way to smoke with me, I don't wanna ruin it.

He lights it, the smoke slowly drifting up to my ceiling. His hit is huge, and he holds it in, zeroes it, with not even a flinch. I am in awe. Chris hands it's to me. I look at it nervously. "Hey ma, don't worry." His eyes shift slowly towards me. "You've got it. You've done it before."

I take a deep breath and take a hit, hold it in, and cough it out. My chest burns And my throat is raw. God I've missed this.

As I'm coughing and covering my face from embarrassment, Chris reaches out for my hands and holds them gently in his. He focuses right into my eyes. "You did so good mama's, hey, hey look at me." I haven't seen chris like this in a very long time. Its just like the old chris, the one who kissed my lips softly before typing his number into my phone and driving away in his little rinky dink Honda. God I've missed this.

He blows more smoke up into my ceiling.

"I'm sorry, ma." He looks in my vague direction. "Hm, for what?" I saw reaching for the joint. He rubs his eyes and clenches his jaw. "I'm just not myself anymore, am I?" I sit with that statement for a while before I exhale and cough a bit more, he reaches for me almost like it's a reflex, only for him to retreat his hands back to his sides. "I like you how you are, Chris." He flicks the joint over my ashtray and puts his head back, his adams apple bobbing as he thinks. "I'm glad, char." Is all he says. It's a miracle he's even over here at this time of day. Usually, he's off with his buddies doing God knows what, so I don't push it.

After 4 more hits, I'm really feeling it. I'm closer to chris, laying on my bed. He's right here, finally. God, he's warm. My vision blurs and focuses on his features. "Ma.." he trails off when I touch his jaw. He holds my hand away, his breath quick, "I gotta.." I don't hear the rest of what he says. I hear the creaking of my bed, and feet hit the floor. "This was fun ma, I'll see you." He reaches for the door handle, hesitates. "Fuck.." He cusses under his breath. I hear his footsteps again and feel his breath on my face. He kisses me quickly, turns on his heel, and with one door slam he's gone.

Authors note

Goodbye. How can I ruin chars life any further bro 😭 this poor girl

[heartsmadeofbooks]

[Preview] New Fic: Cause and Effect

Hi everyone! It’s been a while but I’m finally, finally back with a new fic.

This story is structured around the Keane album of the same title, and each chapter focuses on one song from it (sometimes one song spans two chapters, but you get the drill). I had a lot of fun when I wrote Sing to me instead with this same dynamic, and since the moment I first listened to C&E, I knew it had to be turned into a story, so I was just waiting for the right time, and the right plot.

And here it is, at last.

The story isn’t yet finished, I’m still working on it, but I’m close enough to the end that I feel good about starting to post it. But first, I thought I’d share with you a little preview :)

Cause and Effect will begin on Wednesday, July 12th, and it will update every Wednesday. My wonderful beta @christinejaneanderson​ is once again the one in charge to help me see my silly typos and fix my prepositions, and the beautiful artwork featured below was made by @nerdishedits​. 

Without further ado, here’s the preview of the first chapter of Cause and Effect.

See you all on Wednesday for the rest of it ♥

The house was quiet, but it wasn’t going to last long, because it never did. The alarm hadn’t gone off yet, and Blaine wasn’t sure what had woken him up – he didn’t even notice the sound of traffic or ambulances driving past his window anymore, and he was still tired enough to sleep for another hour or two. He rolled to his side, hoping to get comfortable and slip back into dreamland, his hand settling on his husband’s chest. Jack was deeply asleep, and he was snoring quietly (maybe that was what had woken Blaine up, after all), like he always did after a particularly long and difficult surgery. He had spent too many hours alert and focused the previous day, and that always exhausted him.

Blaine sighed. Now that he was awake, his head was already making an automatic list of everything that needed to be done that day. From taking the trash out to booking a dentist appointment, from restocking the pantry to buying a birthday present for Jack’s secretary. It was usually Blaine who made sure their home life ran smoothly, who took care of all those little details Jack had never been quite able to bother himself with. When they first started dating, Blaine had found that actually charming: Jack was a genius in his field and all he cared about was saving lives.

Ten years into their marriage, he wasn’t exactly sure the word charming had been the one he had been looking for.

It wasn’t that Jack was a pompous asshole. What he did was noble and even heroic sometimes – even if his bank account saw the reflection of it, so it wasn’t entirely selfless. Blaine loved that he was passionate about his job. He certainly didn’t want to need surgery and find that the guy performing it couldn’t give two shits about doing his job. He knew that a life filled with passion was a life worth living.

He just wished that passion was present more than in just their careers.

It kind of would have been nice to find it in the bedroom.

Blaine groaned a little and then paused to check he hadn’t woken Jack up, but he was still snoring quietly. He didn’t want to sound ungrateful for the life they had. It was just that, at thirty-six, he had thought they still had a few ardent, sexy years ahead of them. Blaine still felt young, was still healthy, and he was very much human. There were itches he wanted to scratch. And it wasn’t that Jack was uninterested – it was just that half the time, when he was home, he was either too exhausted from work, or too distracted with the children.

Having children also kind of put a damper on their sex lives.

Still worth it, Blaine thought. He wouldn’t change his kids for anything. But just because he was a father, it didn’t mean he stopped being a husband. He wanted adult conversation, he wanted to go on dates that didn’t involve the children, he wanted to look at his husband and feel like they were still those young men who had fallen in love and hardly kept their hands off of each other, who found it impossible to. He knew it wasn’t as easy these days – sometimes they couldn’t get a nanny, or the baby started crying at the worst possible time, or their daughter puked her dinner all over the couch. It wasn’t easy to feel sexy, to want to be sexy, when you were covered in snot and the remains of SpaghettiO’s.

But sometimes he couldn’t help thinking that he had stopped being desirable to his husband.

It shouldn’t have made him feel so miserable, and yet… here he was.

What was their life going to be like when they were forty-six? And what about at fifty-six? Would they have to wait to be a couple again until the children went to college? Would they even be able to get back what they had postponed after so long?

Blaine opened his eyes and took a quick glance at the clock on Jack’s nightstand. The alarm wasn’t going to go off for another ten minutes. Some other time, ten minutes wouldn’t be nearly enough. Today… it felt like a little blessing.

He scooted closer and started kissing Jack’s neck, hands already roaming over his chest, fingertips catching on hair and the peak of his nipples. Jack made a low sound in the back of his throat but didn’t wake up, so Blaine decided to be a little more drastic.

He let his hand go further south and he was about to curl his fingers around him over his underwear when a loud scream carried through the apartment.

“Daddy! Can I have chocolate milk?”

Blaine deflated and let his head fall momentarily on his husband’s shoulder. It would only be ten more seconds before Lena started pounding on their bedroom door, demanding his attention. And that would amount to waking up Jack in a lot less sexy way than he had planned.

He sighed and got out of bed.

[nia-academia]

How to Choose a Stream?

With boards ending, a lot of you guys are wondering what stream you should choose, and a few people have hmu in my dms asking for advice, so i figured I'd make a post about how I suggest choosing a stream. Fair warning, I am a PCMB student so my advice will be a little science-stream focused because, obviously, I don't know what problems other streams might face, so additions are welcome from other people who have more to add <3

First off, this is one of the most important decisions of your life. This decision determines what the next two years of your life will look like, and it plays a strong role in determining your career for the rest of your life. So don't make this choice lightly.

Make an informed decision. I cannot stress upon this enough- do. your. own. research. Don't trust people who say there is no job opportunity in abc stream or that xyz stream will make your 'life set', all of it is bullshit. Half the time the people giving you these advices finished their schooling 20-30 years ago, respectfully- they have no idea what they're talking about. So sure, listen to everyone's inputs but check everything for yourself.

Websites are your best friend. And no, not "Top 7 High Salary Careers' type websites, I mean college websites. The best way to choose your stream is to explore various careers. For this, start with exploring the type of courses and degrees available, then head to the college's websites and check out the curriculum, the eligibility and the entrance exam requirements. Of course you don't have to choose a degree from now itself, in fact even if you have chosen something 9 times out of 10 you will change your mind by the time 12th ends, but knowing what options there are other than NEET, JEE, CUET and stuff will help you understand if you're more inclined towards science, commerce or humanities.

Subjects change after 10th, for example- what you think physics is and what 11th-12th physics is are two completely different things, so if you are more inclined towards a particular stream, go through the books. Either borrow from your seniors or go through the free NCERT pdfs (ncerts are the easiest versions of science subjects, at least, so your actual material will be 1-2 levels higher in difficulty, keep that in mind). Going through the material is not that efficient because everything seems easy at first glance but it still gives a general idea about the type of stuff you will learn so whatever piques your interest most should be a good choice to consider. I would suggest going through the books of all the streams if you have time, that way you can check which is the best fit for you. (Also go through multiple chapters, not just the first few ones)

Work on attraction rather than elimination. Dismissing a stream just because you don't like one subject in it is not a good way to go about it. Choose the stream which has a majority of subjects you do like, rather than choosing one which has the least number of subjects you don't like. Overall the purpose of a stream in 11th-12th is to get you into your desired course in college, so your biggest indication of stream will be the degrees you like, not the subjects you don't like.

Remember to prioritize yourself and your choices, trust yourself. People might have all sorts of opinions about what stream you should take and what career you should pursue. Of course some people have your best interests in mind, but ultimately it is you who has to go through with it. Being pushed into making certain choices is really harmful because there is absolutely no motivation to keep going once it gets hard (and it will). So it is best to choose your own poison so that when times get hard you know that this is something you actually really want and that way you will genuinely feel like working for it, rather than being forced to work hard for something you aren't even sure you want to do.

Don't stress too much. I know I said this is a super important decision, and it is, but it is not life ending. You can only do so much and there is no guarantee whether what you choose today will work out for you two years down the line. And that's okay. Remember that there is always an option to change plans, no matter how far along you are. So don't bind yourself to the choice you make today, you always have more options. Try your best to choose what feels right for you, and if situations change later in life, so can your plans.

If you don't know what exactly you want to do with your life, stop blaming yourself for it. I promise 90% of us had no idea what we were doing when we were your age either, even if we thought we knew what we wanted, we didn't. It's okay to not know what you want to do for the rest of your life when you're 15 or 16. Trust your gut and try your best to be informed about the stream you're choosing. As you go along, you will find your calling when the time is right. It's never too late, you'll be fine

lots of love to everyone starting on this really tedious path, the next two years will teach you a lot about yourselves and I hope you all make the best of it, all the best <3