#i just find the cat on googs

[sethdomain]

on a very important note, this is what tamr chat noir woudl look like

[pikapeppa]

Tiefling anatomy and headcanons

Someone else has probably done this already and in more detail, but ALAS, I could not find anything to fit my very specific smut-related needs. So I went ahead and labelled some diagrams.

Our handsome model for this post is Dammon! 🥰 SADLY, I don't know the source of the photos I used (they were sent to me by a friend and a Goog search did not help), so if anyone knows who I can credit the source images to, please let me know!

Terms and headcanons are mine. If they're well-established elsewhere/used by others, it's pure coincidence.

Within-image text will follow below, for those using screenreaders/if the font is too small (SORRY, I was in a rush). I also put a cut before the third image, since it's got Dammon's bum in it. 🥰

The first image depicts sternal ridges ("sternum" meaning "breastbone") and costal ridges ("costal" meaning "relating to the ribs"). I headcanon that the sharp-looking, pointed parts of these ridges are not actually sharp or hard, but rather, cartilage covered in skin (like ears!).

The second image depicts spinal ridges (prominences on the vertebrae) and wingtips, tiny little hooks of cartilage on the shoulder blades. I headcanon that some tieflings see larger wingtips as being good luck, or even a sign that you'll be able to fly in your next life.

The third image shows anatomy of the tail, which is grossly divided into the upper tail and the lower tail. The upper tail, also called the tail base or tail root, is where the tail attaches to the body, just above the bum. I headcanon that this area of the tail is a "private area", off-limits for being touched except by lovers or romantic partners. The lower tail, including the tip of the tail, is okay to be touched by friends and close family. Tieflings partners might link their lower tails together in an affectionate gesture, like holding hands. Siblings and friends might slap or pull each other's lower tails when they're playfighting (we're looking at you, Cal and Lia and Rolan). The tail tip might also be called a "tail-barb", depending on dialect differences.

Some other random tiefling-body headcanons, some of which are NSFW (be warned):

They have nails: not claws, not talons, but nails. 'Claws' and 'talons' are considered offensive terms, like equating tieflings to animals.

Touching a tiefling's horns is off-limits except for very close friends/family/partners. It's not necessarily romantic to touch or caress a tiefling's horns, but it often is, not unlike stroking someone's hair.

Tiefling tails are partially prehensile. Thus, they can use them during sex. 😏

Contrary to popular belief, tieflings are adept at giving and receiving finger penetration (i.e. finger-fucking SORRY TO BE CRUDE) with long nails, and don't need to cut them for sex reasons. They know their bodies, and they can easily learn how to finger-fuck without hurting anyone.

Tiefling tails can broadcast emotions, like cats' tails (though some tiefs may not like being compared to animals -- see above). I've seen at least two fantastic comics about this, here and here (MY FAVOURITE).

Thank you for reading if you came this far! And feel free to use these headcanons in fic writing, if you like, with a nod to yours truly if you're feeling kindly 🥰

If you'd like to read some tieflings fics where these headcanons come into play, you can check out my Karlach/Dammon fic here, and my Rolan/f!Tav fic here. Both are rated E for smut.

-- love from your friendly neighbourhood Pika! xoxo

[g1-skywarp]

dafuk why did i get scared looking at that one giygas cat image

[gougarpaw]

[Image Description: A digital drawing of four cat heads of Frostpaw, also known as Frostkit, from the Warrior Cats books. The first shows her as a light gray cat with a white muzzle, face area, and chest and a light pink nose with light blue-green eyes, and is labeled “Permafrost.” The second shows her as a light dilute  calico with gray tabby and orange tabby patches, a pink nose, and light blue-green eyes. This is labeled “Funky Frost.” The third shows her as a dark blue-gray cat with white spots on her face, a large white spot on her chest, a white left ear, a light gray nose, and light blue-green eyes. This is labeled “Tundra frost.” The fourth and last shows her as a dark gray tabby with a lighter gray muzzle, chest, and ear tips. She has light blue-green eyes, a dark gray nose, and is labeled “Slush Frost.” End Description.]

thinking about frostpaw and what she might look like! 

Permafrost: seems this style of her is pretty popular, along with the gray color point frostpaw (which i forgot to draw.) i’d say we have a 60% chance of it being her canon appearance.

Funky Frost: I was expected a lot more people to be drawing her as a calico, but wasn’t able to find a ton! it would be interesting and kind of funny, like the erins desperately trying to earn back favor after bristlefrost. probably a 10% chance of this being canon. 

Tundra frost: this is another popular design for her, not as popular as the permafrost or color point, but i saw a few designs for this. i drew this with the idea of maybe frostpaw has vitiligo? but again, probably not likely. 20% chance of canonicity. 

Slush Frost: I’ll be real if we get a boring gray tabby protag i’ll be very disappointed. 60% chance of canonicity.

Bonus frostpaw theory:

[Image Description: A screenshot of a discord message from Sketch (goog squad 2/3) reading “just like dovewing's eyes, she'll cycle through all those colors throughout the series /j” End Description.]

Which seems most likely? Who knows. 

[artificialqueens]

A Purr-fect Day (Branjie) - Athena2

Summary: Vanessa decides to adopt a cat, and finds herself instantly crushing on Brooke, the beautiful cat shelter volunteer. Featuring short cameo appearances from Rose/Denali and Raja/Manila. 

A/N: This is just pure fluff, and I really hope you all enjoy it! I also put in small cameos of Rose/Denali because I wanted to write them a little, and Rajila. Thank you so much to Writ for suggesting this idea, and for betaing! Please leave some feedback if you like. Sorry not sorry about the title.

Even with the fluffy cats running around and meowing, the blonde is still the first thing Vanessa notices.

She’s at the information desk, going over something in a notebook, pausing now and then to sip coffee and glance at the cats in their kennels—fluffy ones, big ones, little ones, striped ones, spotted ones—and Vanessa doesn’t know if the woman or the cats will make her heart explode first.

“Hi,” Vanessa says, approaching the desk.

The blonde’s green eyes widen and her teeth shine in a brilliant smile when she looks up to see Vanessa. “Hi, how can I help—no, Mr. Tibbles! We don’t attack our friends!” She runs over to an enormous gray cat who’s swinging paws at a frightened orange kitten. Vanessa can’t stop smiling as the blonde carefully scoops up the attacker and returns him to his side of the kennel, soothing the orange kitten with some gentle strokes before breathlessly running back to Vanessa.

“Sorry,” she says, fixing her hair. “We’re a little short staffed. It’s just me and Ida, and she’s on break.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Vanessa says, heart fluttering at how the blonde’s—Brooke, according to her slightly crooked name tag—cheeks are tinged bright pink.

“So, um, how can I help you?”

“I want to get a cat.”

Brooke nods. “Any kind in particular?”

“I was hoping I could just play with them and pick one,” Vanessa says sheepishly.

Brooke’s smile is huge. “Of course! That’s how I picked mine out.” She leads Vanessa around the corner, into a tiny room with even more kennels. There are so many kitties rolling around that Vanessa all but melts, dropping to the floor and opening her arms for the balls of fluff to run into.

Brooke grins, and then she’s on the floor too, gently petting a striped brown cat.

“Okay if I join you?” Brooke asks sheepishly. “I love playing with them.”

“Of course. They really like you,” Vanessa says, watching three cats fight for position on Brooke’s lap.

Brooke nods. “They’re used to me, that’s why. And I give them treats. Isn’t that right, Pepper?” She pets a chunky black cat and blushes. “Look, that one likes you, see?”

Vanessa looks down at a fluffy white cat that’s butting his head into her knee, letting out little mrrps.

“His name’s Thackery.”

“Thackery.” Vanessa tries it out, hand melting into his soft fur. He purrs beneath her, looking up at her in wonder, and Vanessa’s sold. “I’ll take him.”

She almost wishes it took her a little longer to find one, because now she’ll have to say goodbye to Brooke.

—-

Vanessa fixes her hair in the rear view mirror. It’s lame to be back at the shelter so soon, she knows that, and Brooke gave her paperwork on feeding and care instructions, but Vanessa has a question on Thackery, and who better to ask than Brooke? Sure, there’s Google, but every website gives her a different answer. Brooke is definitely a cat expert, and any opportunity to see her is one that should be taken.

There’s an older woman at the desk when Vanessa walks in, peering at her through pointy turquoise glasses that look into Vanessa’s soul. Vanessa wonders if Brooke isn’t here today when she turns and sees Brooke feeding all the cats, and breathes a sigh of relief.

“You need help, hon?” The scratchy voice comes from the counter, and Vanessa marches up to the woman, name tag reading Ida.

“Um, I just had a question for Brooke.”

“You her friend or something?”

“Kinda …” Vanessa sweats under Ida’s glare. Nothing like an old lady’s stink eye to steal her usual charm. “I mean, she helped me before, and we talked a little, and I wanted to talk to her about my cat.”

Ida nods. “BROOKE!!! Girl here has a question for you!! I’m goin’ on break!”

Vanessa checks her ringing ears while Brooke bounds over to the desk, and her face lights up when she recognizes Vanessa.

“Hi,” Brooke says.

“Hi. I’m Vanessa, by the way. I never told you last time. I mean, I know I signed my name on the paperwork but anyway–” She forces her lips shut to stop her rambling. “Just wanted to introduce myself.”

Brooke just grins. “I’m Brooke. Which you probably know because of my name tag. Um, Ida said you had a question?”

“Right!” Vanessa latches onto the thread that will save her from the awkwardness. “So, Thackery keeps sprawling out all over the place and rubbing his back on the rug? And I looked it up, and one site said he might have an itch, and another said he might be stretching, and I just wanted to make sure he’s okay.”

If Brooke thinks her coming here to ask a relatively simple, clearly Googe-able question is weird, she doesn’t show it. “Well, it could be either of those, and if you think it’s an itch, you might want to call the vet. But with most cats–mine too–stretching out like that means they’re happy and safe. That they trust you.”

“Oh,” Vanessa says softly. “So he–he really likes me then?” she asks, heart swelling at the thought of Thackery liking her.

“I would think so.” Brooke’s whole face turns fiery red as she adds, “It’s easy to see why.”

Now it’s Vanessa’s turn to blush, eyes flitting down to her feet. “I took this video of him the other day, you gotta see it. He got stuck in all the pillows, look–”

Brooke leans in close as they huddle together and watch the video, dissolving into laughs and squeals. Vanessa almost can’t breathe with Brooke this close to her, smelling faintly of strawberry shampoo, her eyes bright and shining. Vanessa scrolls through some more Thackery pictures on her phone, and Brooke shows Vanessa pictures of her two cats pouting in Santa hats, the whole thing coming to a stop when a couple comes in with their kid, wanting to look at the cats.

“Sorry, Vanessa,” Brooke says quietly. “Ida’s still on break.”

“Don’t worry about it. You do your job, get another kitty a nice home.”

Brooke smiles. “I will.”

“I’ll be back if I have more questions and stuff. If that’s okay,” Vanessa says, holding her breath.

“Absolutely.”

Brooke brings the couple over to the kennels, and Vanessa starts thinking of cat questions she might need answered.

—

Vanessa doesn’t even pretend to have a question in mind when she heads back to the shelter. It’s been almost two weeks, and though she doesn’t want to look desperate, every day is a day Brooke might forget her, even though Vanessa doesn’t think that’ll happen from the wide-eyed smile Brooke has for her all the time.

She can’t even think of a reasonable question anyway. Thackery has been great, really settling into Vanessa’s apartment like he owns the place. He eats all the food she carefully pours into his bowl, and he even figured out how to jump across the couch without getting stuck in the pillows, an act that means Vanessa has to vacuum cat hair off her couch a lot more often. But when he purrs when she holds him and falls asleep curled up at her feet in bed, it’s all worth it. She doesn’t know how Brooke manages to work at the shelter without bringing home every kitty she sees.

Things are quiet when she walks in. Ida is back at the front desk, filling out a crossword puzzle and cursing under her breath.

Vanessa walks closer. “Um, is–”

“You’re the girl who was looking for Brooke before,” Ida says plainly, sharp eyes peering out from her turquoise glasses.

Vanessa blushes. She’s definitely not as slick as she thought, if even Ida remembers her coming here to see Brooke. “Yeah. Is she here today?”

Ida nods. “She’s in the back. We have a litter of kittens ready to be adopted. Brooke’s been taking care of them.”

Vanessa rounds the corner and breathes out a soft aww when she sees Brooke on the floor, stroking five fluffy kittens, their fur swirls of browns and whites and oranges. She loves how much Brooke cares about the cats, how her affection comes through in her soft whispers and gentle pets. Her movements are so soft and delicate, so careful and caring, and Vanessa wonders what it would be like to have Brooke’s hands stroking her hair, rubbing her back.

“Five new kitties?” Vanessa asks quietly.

Brooke turns to her and grins. “Yeah. Come see.” She motions for Vanessa to sit at her side, and Vanessa does, getting down on the white tile. The kittens nuzzle against each other, tiny paws outstretched. “We posted about them online and there’s two couples interested. They’re coming by in a bit.”

“I love them!” Vanessa squeals. “Have you named them yet?”

“Not yet. There are five, though, so maybe we should name them after the Spice Girls.” Brooke blushes. “My friends and I did a group costume of them one year. Somehow they convinced me to be Sporty Spice.”

Vanessa squeals. “First of all, you have to name them that, it’s adorable. Second of all, there better be a picture of you in that costume!”

Brooke sighs. “There is.” She pulls out her phone and surrenders it to Vanessa, who actually gasps. There are four other people in the picture, but Vanessa only has eyes for Brooke: bright red sweatpants clinging to her hips, blue sports bra showing off her toned stomach and every curve and muscle in her arms, eyes shining in her cheesy smile.

“Damn.” Vanessa whistles, hoping Brooke can’t notice how hot Vanessa’s face is. “Look at y’all all organized and stuff. I tried a cowgirl group costume with my friends and A’keria misheard and showed up in a freaking cow costume.”

Brooke bursts into laughter at her side. “Is there a picture of that?”

Vanessa obliges, and then she and Brooke are in a comfortable silence, their shoulders touching as they watch the cats snuggle and pet their heads occasionally. Vanessa could stay like this all day, and she’s wondering if maybe she should ask Brooke out, get to know her somewhere without cats meowing, when a shout makes them both jump.

“BROOKE!!! The first couple for the cats is here!!! I’m goin’ on break!!”

The couple by the reception desk is a lesbian power couple if Vanessa’s ever seen one. There’s a tall woman with dark hair and bright blue necklace proclaiming her to be Raja, with a shorter woman with big black waves at her side. They’re both definitely in fashion or art or something—aside from their delicate hands that are built for sketching, Raja’s leather jacket is covered in hand-painted swirls and the other woman’s Hostess cupcake earrings are clearly handmade. They look like the cool aunts who’d let you have wine at the family gatherings, and Vanessa feels a surge of pride when Raja nods at approval at her jean jacket.

“Which one should we get, Manila?” Raja asks.

“We have to get Posh.”

“Of course,” Raja agrees.

“Do you think I could sew cat clothes? I could definitely sew cat clothes,” Manila answers her own question.

Raja grins. “We’re gonna have the best dressed cat in the city.”

“In the state, Raja. Maybe even the country.”

They’re barely out the door when the next couple walks in, and Vanessa does a double-take, because apparently it’s lesbian power couple day at the cat shelter. These two are a little shorter than the first two, but no less impressive. The one with brown hair glides across the tile floor and squeals when she sees the kitties, the blonde in the royal blue power suit behind her waving and cooing at all the other cats.

The brunette strokes one of the kittens. “I want to take all four!”

“Denali, honey, we really only have room for one,” the blonde says.

“Four.”

“One.”

“Four.”

“One.”

“Two?”

The blonde pauses. “Okay, two.” She smiles and grabs Denali’s hand. “We’ll get Sporty Spice for you, Miss Figure Skater, and then Ginger Spice for that time I tried to dye my hair pink and it came out red.”

“That was more like Scary Spice,” Denali mumbles.

“Denali!”

“It’s true, Rosie. But I love you anyway.”

Vanessa fades back as she watches the couple grab their cats and fill out the paperwork Brooke gives them. She springs back to Brooke’s side once they leave, and all she can think is what it would be like to be with Brooke in that way, to have stories and jokes between just them. As much as she wants to ask Brooke out, the moment is gone. Ida’s still on break, and Vanessa sticks around a little longer, passing Brooke the bags of food for the cats and watching her organize paperwork. Vanessa heads out, vowing that next time, she’ll make her move.

—-

Today’s the day. Vanessa’s red skirt is a little–definitely–too much for a cat shelter, but this is the day she’s really going to go for it. Even in just minutes at the shelter, Brooke makes Vanessa smile in a way no one has for a while. She wants to have time to be with Brooke, time to talk as long as they want without cats needing food or people asking questions.

Ida looks up expectantly when Vanessa walks in, a smile on her bright pink lips. “Brooke’s in the back,” she says, before Vanessa can even ask.

“Okay–”

“BROOKE!!!! Your friend is here!! I’m goin’ on break!!”

Ida shuffles off with her crossword puzzle book under her arm, and Brooke runs out breathlessly, grinning when she sees Vanessa. “Hey,” she says. “Everything okay with Thackery?”

“Will you go out with me?” Vanessa blurts, ignoring Brooke’s question before she loses her nerve.

Brooke’s cheeks are bright pink, but she’s still smiling, and Vanessa doesn’t think she’d be smiling if the answer was no.

“I–I’d love to go out with you, Vanessa. I finish up here at four, do you want to get coffee or something?”

Vanessa’s smile is so huge she can hardly get the words out. “That’d be great, Brooke.”

“About damn time!” Ida’s voice soars through the break room wall. “I thought I’d be on break forever waiting for you two to get together already!”

[inkribbon796]

Egotober Day 31: Boil, Boil, Toil and Trouble

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Prompt: Happy Halloween

Summary: It’s the end of the spooky season and the heroes and villains met up.

A/N: It’s J.J and Google’s birthdays.

And with that is the close of another Egotober. I’m glad you all could be here with me for this. I’ll be here on the third for another birthday post and then on Friday for my regular uploads. Have fun and stay safe out there everyone.

Warnings: none

Another year passed, another year come and gone, and it was the heroes and the villains’ meet-up, one of their only truce days.

Several people weren’t there that normally came every year. Logan was understandably not in attendance and Joan and Virgil had stayed at the apartment with him as they watched The Nightmare Before Christmas and the Addams Family movies. Oliver had stayed at the base to avoid Google, a good idea since Google only came to see if Oliver was there. Chase had stayed with Oliver to avoid seeing Dark’s face. And Nate was out of town with Mare on a tour.

Still, the tenuous truce remained.

The Host had pulled Illinois and Bim aside briefly before they entered the building that the meet-up was being held at.

There was an important matter that the Host wanted to discuss and Dark was reassured everything was fine before he let them hang back and enter the festivities shortly after.

But everything was not fine.

“This is completely absurd,” Bim told him. “How are you sure this is even going to work?”

“The Host is only certain that without aid, he and the others will fail,” the Host admitted.

“So what are we supposed to do?��� Illinois asked. “You’re a shit liar, how are you gonna get past Dark?”

“No,” the Host corrected. “The Host needs Illinois to lie to the Entity. Because he is the only one who could get away with.”

Illinois groaned, rolling his eyes,”Fine, I’ll think of something but if he gets pissed I’m blaming your cryptic ass.”

“The Host is not opposed to that, so long as things are taken care of,” the Host smiled. “Now, the Host and his brothers should join the others. Before the Entity gets concerned and comes looking for them.”

“But I have questions,” Bim reminded.

“Not while prying eyes can find, the three of them talk tomorrow,” the Host promised.

Bim protested a bit but the Host helped the three of them slipped back into the group. They came into the room while Dark and King were in the middle of an argument.

“We can’t get a cat, Kay,” King snapped at Dark. Dark rolled his eyes. “We can’t get a dog, Kay. It’s not safe. It’ll die.”

Dark pinched the bridge of his nose, “Kaylor.”

“And then what do you do the instant I leave?” King spat. “You get a fucking cat! And name it after yourself!”

“Wil brought him into the house and named him, and the thing was half-dead,” Dark defended. “You would have been angrier if I had allowed it to die.”

Wilford chuckled from where he was sitting next to Dark, “You know you love ol’ Damsy, Dark. The little scamp always tries to sleep in our bed.”

“Don’t undermine me in front of everyone,” Dark glared at Wil.

The madman just smiled at Dark, loudly scooting his chair closer. “Let’s just enjoy the party. Have a couple drinks with me.”

“I’m not done complaining at him,” King pointed at Dark.

Wilford was suddenly standing next to King, slinging an arm around his neck. “Come on my boy, you like bourbon right?”

“Not really,” King told him, glancing at Abe. “I wasn’t old enough to drink when I left.”

“Ahh, I know you and Illy stole some of Dark’s wine on multiple occasions,” Wil smiled.

“What was that?” Dark demanded.

“Nothing,” Illinois told him. “I’m getting a drink.”

Google had been watching the argument from a distance, and he noticed that Bing was walking up to him.

“Hey, Googs,” Bing greeted when he stopped next to the other android. “We need to talk.”

“I have nothing to discuss with you,” Google grumbled angrily at him.

“If we don’t do something about Green he’s going to kill Ollie,” Bing reminded sharply.

“Green is restricted from destroying Oliver’s central drive,” Google dismissed. “Oliver will be fine, even if I have to rebuild the rest of him from scratch.”

Bing glared at Google, “Either you do something, dude, or I will.”

“Is that so?” Google’s tone was suddenly far more serious. “Will you?”

Bing looked at the other android right in the optic cameras that served as his eyes. “Yeah, I will. He can’t keep terrorizing Ollie.”

“You won’t kill him, you’ve deviated so far from your objective that you aren’t even capable of it,” Google dared.

“Don’t need to kill him, but I will make him stop,” Bing warned.

Google stared blankly at him, before looking away, “I am leaving, I have work to do.”

Bing watched him go. Google left without a goodbye to anyone, not even to Dark. Bing left to go back to the base.

As the part continued, J.J noticed that Dark seemed to be watching the crowd. He wasn’t mingling like he tended to do, his usual attempts to get information about their civilian identities.

This year he was minding his own business, except when an increasingly drunk Wil was trying to climb into Dark’s arms.

“Looking for something?” J.J asked.

“Illinois’s boyfriend,” Dark said out loud, moving his hands to sign as he spoke.

J.J felt a bit of apprehension, “How do you know he has a boyfriend?”

Dark chuckled, “I’ve known Illinois for years. I know what the ‘Plus One tax’ looks like on my invoices. That and he labeled some of his expenses as “Cariño” and Illinois would never put the wrong gender to mislead me.”

“Plus One tax?” J.J spelled the word out like Dark had.

“When Illinois has someone who travels with him and he’s keen on them,” Dark’s signing got a little less precise with his words, “they become his travel partners and unlike another person in his travel team, the expenses for that person is sometimes double what it normally is. Or triple if Illinois is particularly taken. It’s fairly adorable and it’s his money so he can spend it how wants, but I always like to attach a face to the expenses.”

“Why are you looking for him here?” J.J asked.

Dark’s answer was a smile, “That’s the only thing I know about him. I have my suspicions, but so far I’ve only cleared Crank.”

“You are tracking him,” J.J began to ask, “how do you not know?”

“Illinois isn’t the only one who loves a good mystery,” Dark was looking at Illinois who was trying to tend to an increasingly drunk Bim who was overenthusiastic about being at the party. “When Illinois is ready, he’ll tell me.”

J.J did smile at that. The evening was relatively fun, if more than a bit tense. Dark sent Bim and Wil through a portal, taking Illinois with him and ignoring when Illinois left the Manor soon after to go and visit his boyfriend.

The party slowly began to disperse after that, the atmosphere less tense after Dark and Bim left, in the hope that less year the meet-up would be significantly less strained.

[thedarkeningdusk]

47 with Jackie and Marvin (aka the two dumbasses)

47: “This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.”

Jackie grinned at Marvin, his plan just needing the participation of the magician in front of him in order to be set in motion. Marvin ran over the specifics, thinking about what he needed for the spell, before a Cheshire smile spreads across his face. “This is without a doubt the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.”

“Woohoo!”

                                                     ---------

Dark closed the door to his office with a sigh of relief from escaping Wilford’s madness. He respected the man but Dark could only take so much insanity in one day. He puts his drink on the desk and walks to the window to enjoy the view. Dark suddenly did a double take at his desk.

There was a cat on his desk.

Not only was a cat on his desk but it had a scarf with the number five on it. Dark glared at the fur-ball. The cat swished its tail and lazily blinked at Dark. Dark sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before approaching the cat. “C’mon, off the desk with you.” The cat only stared at him before noticing the glass Dark had set down.

“Don’t you dare.”

The cat paused with its paw out, seemingly contemplating Dark’s threat.

Too bad cats fear nothing.

                                                     ---------

Bing walks into Google’s room, needing him to repair his arm. “Yo Googs! You here? I need a hand… Literally.” Bing sees Google sitting with his back facing him. “There ya are!”

Google turned his head but the rest of him was very tense. “I also seem to require your assistance, I can not remove this creature off of me.” Bing rounded the corner of the couch, seeing a purring loaf, with a scarf that has the number three on it, happily napping on Google’s lap. “Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!” The sound of a camera going off had Google looking up. “Bing! This is serious! I have things to do and this creature won’t move!”

Bing laughs at his predicament. “Just move her dude.”

“I can’t…”“Why not?”

“I can’t bring myself to disturb her…”

Bing smirks and moves the pick up the cat but she lets out the saddest meow Bing has ever heard when he touched her. “Welp, I guess you’re stuck here! Enjoy your downtime for once! I’ll go get Oliver to help me!”

“Bing, don’t leave me here! I can’t disrupt my schedule!”

“Bing?”

“Bing!?”

                                                    ---------

“The Host tries to calm down, panic on the edge of his voice as narrates. He is curled up on the couch of the library, trying to drown out the visions with his own voice. The Host is suddenly startled as… a cat jumps into his lap?”

“The fluffy cat purrs and rubs it’s cheeks against The Host, a common sign of friendliness in felines. The Host shakily runs his fingers through the cat’s thick fur and comes across a scarf tied around its neck. The Host touches the front of the scarf and can feel a one stitched into the cloth.”

“The Host, albeit confused, welcomes the company and listens to the lull of the cat’s purr. The cat seems very happy to be in The Host’s company as well and meows loudly, a very chatty cat. The Host realizes that the cat might want some food and picks up the cat, hoping there is something edible for the cat in the kitchen.”

                                                   ---------

Bim sneezed again for what felt like the 20th time in the past hour and groaned. “Jims! Jims?! What did I say about letting cats in here again! You know I’m allergic and their hair gets everywhere!” Bim looked around but he didn’t see the Jims, but he certainly heard them.

Bim followed the sound of strange chanting and soon enough he found the Jims.

More specifically he found at least ten of them in a circle around a cat with a scarf that had a three on it. The tuxedo cat sat gracefully in the middle, seemingly not bothered by the noise.

Bim turned around and left the studio.

Jackie and Marvin laughed as they sat in the security room, watching the madness go down. They saw Dark dive for the glass only for it all the dump on his face. They saw Google stuck in place, unable to move a cat. They both decided not to say anything about The Host, and they saw the Jims with what is now known as “Cat Bim.”

                                                    ---------

Soon enough Dark ordered that every cat be found and brought to the living room. All the Iplier egos that could went around and gathered what they could. The Host refused to let go of his cat though, so they just decided to let him bring it to the living room himself.

However, for many hours, no one could find cat number four.

Marvin grinned. “Where’s cat number four?”

Jackie smirked. “Never existed.”

Dark grabbed both their shoulders. “Oh really? I guess we’ll just have to substitute then.” Suddenly with a puff of black smoke Marvin was a white cat with a scarf that had the missing number four. Dark bared his teeth in a mockery of a grin and turned to Jackie. “As for you…”

Jackie gulped.

                                                    ---------

“Please Dark, I can’t take it anymore!”

“You brought this upon yourself.”

“Dark! Please!”

“While I love your begging, you deserve this.”

Jackie glared up at Dark, all five cats curled up on Jackie in various places. He couldn’t move without waking them up and his hero heart couldn’t take that. Dark was smiling down at him, “Good luck.” and then he walked off, leaving him there alone.

“Dark?”

“Marvin?”

Marvin only flicked an ear in his direction, far too comfy to even think about moving.

Jackie sighed.

…..

He really needed to pee.

[franklyshipping]

Happiest Day ~ A Markiplier Ego Fanfic

THIS IS FROM A PROMPT FROM THE DARLING 'PROMPT ANON' REGARDING AN EMOTIONAL OLIVER NEEDING COMFORT FROM HIS ANDROID BROS! Lets give the sunshine boy a happy time! LET'S DO IT!

TAGGING: @goog-ler-iplier @googlee-green @google-switchy-red and @googlee-oliver

There was a meeting in session, but not the integral, emo-led scheming meeting that you might expect. This was a meeting to determine something more important than anything else in the world. Google Blue, Google Red, and Google Green were stood in their communal study, facing each other in an equidistant triangle formation. The three of them were not known to be emotional, but this situation had filled them all with the same unpleasant feeling of concern. Because the one of them who did feel emotions, was not having a good time dealing with a select few of them right now. Emotions are gifts, but sometimes the wrong ones can just bury you. Oliver's brothers were not going to let that happen to him. 

The worst part was that there was no direct cause of the slumping melancholy that plagued Oliver's system, and because it was internally generated it couldn't be eradicated like a virus that had stemmed from an external source. This would need careful attention....so the brothers had made it their new primary objective to find a solution. They were at the idea generation stage of their objective, potential solutions being blurted out left, right and centre.

'Perhaps his favourite meal done to perfection could help?'

'We could watch the entirety of the Lord of the Rings, the extended edition, and discuss lore in-between disc changes?'

'A trip out to watch a film may be nicer, so he sees the outside world!'

'He adores all infant animals, perhaps acquiring some baby dog and cat ones for him to give affection to would improve his mood?'

Ideas a-plenty they came up with. And reasons against each idea they came up with too.

'He, like the rest of us, technically doesn't need food so the likelihood of rejection is too risky.'

'He already watches the extended editions of the Lord of the Rings regularly once a month, it's not unique enough.'

'The thought of leaving his bedroom, let alone the house, could be too difficult for him.'

'He may be too concerned with the ethical nature of how we sourced any animals, as well as what their foster-care structure is, it could spur more anxiety.'

The three brothers sighed and glared absently, collectively reprimanding themselves for not being intelligent enough to think of something to help cheer up their baby brother, whom they knew better than anybody. They linked their hard drives via their Cloud and decided to brainstorm together, almost as if they were one brain; it was more efficient than talking normally. So far they had concluded that the key to the solution would be a method that would enable Oliver to not think on his melancholy, since it seemed that leaving him to ''stew'', as others had put it, was not a good thing. For once in their lives, the Googles had encountered something with which thinking was partially making it worse. They needed to distract him. They needed to distract him into happiness, bring forth joy in a way that Oliver wouldn't be able to consciously repress. Something that could induce uncontrollable exhibitions of joy like smiling, something that Oliver wouldn't be able to escape.

'Wait....'

'Yes.'

'Of course....it's perfect.'

The three Googles shared smiles and shining gazes as the same idea came to them at once. It was appropriate for Oliver since they knew he wouldn't dislike it, and it would give him something nicer to think about for the next fortnight let alone the rest of the day. The trio set off with purpose. This was going to work. They reached his bedroom door, Blue taking the lead with a soft three-rap knock.

'Brother, may we come in?'

Blue inched open the door so he could pop his head in, the other two trying to peek over his shoulders as he did so. Blue hid the urge to clench his fists when he saw Oliver start to sit up in bed, his movements were sluggish, his face and eyes devoid of colour, his lips devoid of a smile. When Oliver saw his brothers though, he exhibited a little nod; there was that little spark in him that knew that if his brothers were with him, things would never be any worse for him. They all came in and automatically claimed places on his bed to perch on and sit on, Red was perched on the left, Blue perched on the right, and Green was cross-legged at the foot of the bed. After sharing some glances, they decided to get to their point.

'We came up with something.'

Red stated, his eyes warm like fire embers in autumn as he gazed at Oliver. Green followed on, his own eyes carrying the warmth of a forest in spring as he spoke.

'Something that could prevent the unpleasant overthinking and irrationality of the negative feelings you are experiencing.'

Oliver looked between his two brothers, blinking a few times. His curiosity had not completely disappeared from within him of course, but he just lacked the motivation to express it right now, so he stayed silent. His brothers knew they had his attention though, and that was all they needed. Red and Green looked to Blue who leant forwards and placed a gentle grip on Oliver's shoulder; a calming, reassuring grip as he spoke slowly, emphasising that there was no rush here in terms of Oliver's responses. The last thing they wanted was to overwhelm him with obligation.

'We....want to try it with you. Because we love you Oli.'

Oliver froze. That struck something within him. With how his brothers were, he knew that they loved him....but they never said it. Their programming had always been different to his, it was more unnatural for them to so explicitly express emotions, so they always tried to express their little ''feelings'' through actions. Embracing, making drinks and food, helping with projects, those sorts of things. Oliver couldn't believe that....they'd said it. His head had been bowed, but now he looked into Blue's eyes, then Red's, then Green's. Although the words had left Blue's lips, he knew that they were all essentially saying it.

'I....well um, I trust you guys.....s-so okay.'

Oliver spoke slowly, occasionally clearing his throat since he hadn't really managed to bring himself to speak for a while. Blue immediately pressed his forehead against one of Oliver's temples, Red doing the same at the other side of his head whilst Oliver felt Green's hands affectionately rub his ankles. With protective instincts like these it was honestly more accurate to compare them to a great pride of lions rather than meagre humans that they were meant to imitate. And, like lions, the three scheming brothers decided to initiate the first stage of their strike.

'Wh-....a-agh! S-Squishing out the bad stuff doesn't work, I'm n-not a bottle of mustard!'

A series of things had occurred in the process the Googles had devised. First, Green tugged Oliver by the ankles so that he was lying fully horizontal on his bed, after which Green and Blue rolled him onto his front; Oliver's utter confusion meant resistance was minimal. Oliver's words had been spurred by how his crimson brother had decided to also lie on his front....but not on the bed. On Oliver's back instead. Blue and Green maintained their original positions amusedly as they watched Oliver squirm weakly.

'Oh brother, we assure you, that is not our plan.'

Google Blue crooned with a wicked slyness that made Oliver have to repress a shiver; what the hell were they going to do with him? He tried to take his mind back to times when they'd somehow ganged up on him before....but those were happy memories. Oliver's mainframe wasn't quite ready to bring those to the forefront yet, since melancholy was still quite prominent. So Oliver was left in the metaphorical dark. Meanwhile, Blue's eyes were bright as he looked to Red, who was clearly impatient, but that melted into excitement when Blue gave him a wink. If you think that was a signal of some sort....then you're damn right.

'Th-Then wha-o-oho.....mmmnope....n-nohope....'

Oliver clamped his mouth shut as best he could, but he couldn't deny that the feeling of Red's fingertips skittering and scratching at the back of his neck was maddening for his sensors. Basically, not only was Oliver the most emotional Google, but he was also the most sensitive physically; as per tradition, his siblings often took advantage of his cute, quaint ticklishness. That's why they'd decided to use it here and now, they knew Oliver could never last long without crumbling.

'Tell me brother, in percentage form, how much do you want to laugh right now?'

Red's tone seemed innocent, but Oliver didn't have to see his brother to know that he was smirking and hoping to fluster him with a query containing feigned nonchalance. Of course, it worked, and Oliver started giggling almost immediately....but the droid found himself very much in denial that he had broken so soon, and tried to therefore sound strong.

'Z-Zeherohoho! Thihis w-w-wohon't wohohork....'

The added stammers only made his attempt at defiance all the more sweet as he squirmed and tried to scrunch his shoulders. As Red's fingers danced faster, the three captor brothers exchanged grins, before the two observing droids made teasy comments of their own.

'It seems to already be working by my observations....'

Oliver felt his cheeks heat up as he caught the voice coming from his feet, and thus a few whines slipped through his giggles; that spurred Blue to croon in his cool, unique tone that never failed to be shudder inducing.

'How strange, I have come to that conclusion too.'

Oliver screwed up his face and shook his head, the damned incessant scratches making him feel so tingly as he grumbled under his breath.

'Yohohou dohouches....'

Red narrowed his eyes at the insult, and as a subtle punishment moved his blunt nails to the sides of Oliver's neck, which coaxed out squeaks and much harder giggling. Oliver pressed his face into his blankets when he heard his brothers' chuckles all around him, feeling so embarrassed at their mocking. They always did this, and sometimes Oliver was annoyed at how they'd always band together against him to humiliate him and coax out his most extreme emotional responses....well....sometimes. Sometimes is a broad term I mean, now Oliver thought about it the ''sometimes'' was more like an occasional....time....and it wasn't really genuine annoyance that he felt for his brothe-

'Feeling any happier Oli?'

-malevolent teasy unnecessarily sarcastic buckets. Oliver's thoughts tapered off on a slight tangent when Red's taunt acquired his focus. Even amidst mirth, Oliver gritted his teeth; if they were going to be mean to him then why the heck shouldn't he be mean back?

'Ihihi wihill behe when yohou get yohour bIHIG BUTT OHOFF MEHEHE!'

.....now, Oliver's definition of 'mean' is probably different to yours or mine since he's uncensored and really very nice, and his brothers knew of this better than anyone. They knew that the correct term for when Oliver was being 'mean' was actually him being 'sassy', and thus if he was being sassy then his cheeky, vibrant attitude was starting to return, and therefore they knew that they were making the very best kind of progress. They couldn't stop now. If anything they had to increase their efforts so that this hard won progress would not diminish; it was really for Oliver's own good.

'Hmm, a statement of rude negativity, clearly there is more work to be done.'

Blue mused, nodding at Red who withdrew his touch, to Oliver's great relief. Oliver was about to ask what in the hell his cryptic, scheming sapphire sibling meant....but he didn't need to; he felt it.

'WOAH-Heyheyhey-nahahat the fehEHEHEET!!'

It was Green's turn to help is dear little brother, and he was going to put in maximum effort. Green was the master of strength and perfection in strategy. He knew his brother's ticklish spots well, very well, so he knew the exact places to stroke and scribble on his soles to make him squeal and laugh in a wonderfully high pitched voice. It didn't help that Oliver always inspected his synthetic skin and kept it well treated, because it meant Green's fingers could effortlessly tickle and tickle and tickle the soft skin. In terms of teasing, Green brought something more dramatic and playful to the table.

'Aha! The negative mentality feels threatened from attention here! This must be a prime weak spot!'

Green exclaimed with vigour, which made Oliver want to just curl and scrunch up his entire form to hide away from his brother declaring how sensitive he was. He knew that. He didn't need to hear it. Hearing it was just.....evil and flustering and gave Oliver those tummy jitters that always made his smile stay put. Oliver cried out as he scrunched his feet tight, since he couldn't do much else.

'IHIHIT'S NAHAHAT!!'

Oliver's laughter was loud as Green dug into his scrunched up soles, meanwhile Blue raised an eyebrow and leant down near Oliver's head, making sure he was in his brother's eye-line as he murmured.

'You know, as do we, that that's false....you just tried to lie to us, didn't you?'

Oliver's eyes widened as he opened his mouth to try and argue that no, he would never voluntarily lie to his brothers especially when they had him in a vulnerable position such as this. But Red and Green's successive speech meant he had no hope to make an excuse in an attempt for mercy.

'I can't believe our sweet Oliver just tried to LIE to our faces!

'I....I just can't believe it either. This just proves that negative emotions are truly catastrophic, they MUST be obliterated from our brother or his sweet kindness will be forever lost!'

As he emphasised the word 'must', Green decided to pinch and scribble at the vulnerable balls of Oliver's feet; needless to say, he shrieked.

'STAHAHAAAP STAHAHAPPIT!!'

His tormenting trio all cocked their heads at him with simultaneous fondness; if Oliver had seen it he would have probably compared them all to happy puppies, because they did all look exactly like happy puppies. Oliver was thrashing wildly as he laughed, the pitch varying constantly as the torture brought out his wild reactions. Also, along with wild reactions can come some pretty wild words too. 

'Hmmm, what's your happiness level at now-?'

'SOHOHOD OHOFF YOHOU RUHUSTY ASPARAHAGUHUHUS!!'

Green had been so smug....until that moment. Blue and Red couldn't hide their snickers, even when Green glared at the pair of them. Yes....maybe the waves in his hair were tighter than the others' and were more like curls, yes he liked the colour green, yes he was sort of skinny and somewhat tall but he WAS NOT A VEGETABLE! He set his jaw as he pulled back Oliver's toes, getting ready to be merciless as he growled.

'Why you little-'

Oliver gasped, eyes watery in anticipation of the merciless attack that he was sure would come. He'd regretted his words as soon as he'd said them and Oliver had been so sure that Green would go ballistic any minute now....any....minute....now? Oliver was left holding his breath. Green wasn't torturing him, why wasn't he torturing him? The answer to that, would be Google Blue. He'd swiftly shifted and placed a hand on Green's shoulder, eyes glinting to dissuade him from his plan. Green had momentarily glared at him....until he received a message from Blue's hard drive and grinned. Blue had a better idea for the finale of their evil-UM...cheer-up plan. Oliver gulped and nervously exhaled when he felt Green's grip on his ankles disappear and Red's form on his back slink away; he was tempted to make a break for it....but another weight had settled on him. Blue now straddled the small of Oliver's back as Red and Green sat on the bed, observing with impatient enthusiasm. Oliver jumped when he felt Blue rest his steepled hands at the centre of his back, and that icy voice rung out once again. 

'I think our true course of action is obvious now. The insults suggest that the adverse mood still persists and thus, he is not happy. We must go all out.'

This, whatever this was, was not good. Oliver found himself gently trembling in anticipation, his mind entirely focused on the possibilities of what was in store. Nothing else plagued his mind except the anticipation of being tickled more....I repeat, nothing.

'What d-dohoes that m-mean?'

Oliver jumped when the replies came from the brothers either side of him.

'It means-'

'-you're screwed.'

Oliver didn't quite understand....until Blue's fingers started scratching up and down his spine. Then he understood with perfect clarity.

'AAAHHHH BLUHUHUHUHUEEEYYY!!!'

Oliver's siblings all couldn't help but shiver at Oliver's hysterical shriek, even Blue, since this was a detrimental tickle spot that they all shared. They all knew exactly what Oliver was feeling...and yet they didn't even think about entertaining mercy; not quite yet.

'An affectionate nickname! Keep going keep going!'

Red gasped, smirking as Blue chuckled with a soft shake of his head whilst focusing his scratching between Oliver's shoulder blades; that made him hiccup through his bouncy laughter. The back can be the worst tickle spot if it is a tickle spot for you, because there's no way for you to squirm in a way that could ease the sensations. It's not like a tummy you can suck in, or like a set of little toes that you can curl. It's forever exposed, therefore making you forever exposed.

'NAHAHAHAHA MEHEHEHERCYYY!!!'

Saline fluid was leaking from Oliver's eye sockets as Blue dug into the undersides of his shoulder blades with methodical wiggling fingers, meanwhile Red and Green fidgeted; they found themselves becoming antsy at seeing Oliver cry.....but they trusted that Blue ultimately knew exactly where Oliver's limit was, he was the one tickling him after all. And Blue did indeed know that despite his mirthful weeping, their Oli had a few sparks left in him that could take some more taunting.

'I cannot stop until I'm sure all the negativity has been obliterated from your systems brother, this is for your benefit.'

Oliver wailed as he started using the remainder of his energy to thrash from side to side, oh he was so desperate.

'ITHASITHAS IHIHIT HAHAAASSS!!!'

Oliver trailed off with a loud whine when Blue raked up and down his back, right from the base of his neck down to the small of his back. Blue wasn't going to leave without being thorough, he's very specific and driven like that. However....now I'm looking at this situation...there is a slight difference between the stage of being a driven individual and being an ass of an older brother.

'Are you sure-?'

'PLEHEHEHEEEEASE!!! IHIHIHI LOHOHOVE YOHOHOHOU!!!'

Blue was in the process of crossing the line into the latter stage until Oliver's statement caught him off guard; even though Oliver said this to them a lot, here and now it seemed random....which made Blue realise that Oliver had more to say. He stopped his raking and glanced to his other brothers questioningly, but they merely shrugged; even when observing the scene carefully, they didn't know what Oliver meant either. Oliver's form shivered as he clenched and unclenched his fingers, squirmed, and pumped oxygen into himself....after which he exclaimed why he blurted out something so meaningful during such a goofy situation.

'Ihi.....l-lohove you guys soho m-much....I c-could nehever be sad when you're ahall here....'

That was what Oliver had originally wanted to say, but his powerful laughter prevented his vocals from being able to process six words or more. He'd managed to say it now though, and that's what mattered. It especially mattered because it was true. As soon as his brothers had come to see him, he'd felt less unpleasant. Yes the tickling had made him laugh and grin and forget, but because it was them doing it and they had a loving purpose behind it all....it allowed the nastiness inside Oliver to be properly purged. Oliver loved them so much, not just because they'd managed to help him, but because they'd put so much thought and effort into doing so too. He was about to wipe the generated tears from his cheeks, but before he knew it Blue had slid off of his back and pulled him into his chest. Red and Green had shuffled close and took a cheek each, dabbing away at the tears softly as they smile their smiles.

'We love you too.'

Red whispered, giving one of Oliver's, now dry, cheeks a soft pinch before snuggling into one of his shoulders.

'Always.'

Green ruffled his hair before nestling into his chest with a low hum. Oliver was blushing....wow, he didn't think he'd ever get used to them saying it aloud like that. He was about to hide himself in Blue's chest, before said droid took in a little sharp breath...and whispered.

'And even though there's less of it in the rest of us as there is in you....you bring out the happiness in all of us Oli.'

Aaaaand he was crying again. They all cuddled and nuzzled like a true loving pack until Oliver had cried his last and started whining about how they were crushing all his artificial organs with their death embraces....but they didn't stop. Not for ages. Oliver resigned to himself....that this was now the happiest day of is life so far, because it had started off as the worst day....then his loved ones fought to change it. For him. And won.

HOPE YA LIKED THIS ONE WOOP LEMME KNOW IF YA DID AAAAA LUV YOUS XX

[iamvegorott]

Undercover Love Ch. 1

Here it is! The hitman au story!

Summary: The Ipliers and Septiceyes are both groups of hitmen for hire, the do more than killing for money but hey find it easier to call themselves that. The Ipliers are strict, very organized and their leader is seen as stiff and professional while the Septieyes are more fun-loving and their leader is seen more as a parent. The two groups end up needing to work together for a job and after an incident in the Iplier headquarters, they end up in the same building and soon they have to learn how to accept and adapt to the other's style of work. 

Meet The Septics

Dark and Wilford stepped up to the silver building, the camera above the door told them that they were being watched. Dark just raised a brow before holding a piece of paper up to the camera. There was a pause and then a loud buzzer went off, the door popping open as soon as it was done.

“Fancy.” Wilford sang with a little shimmy. Dark only rolled his eyes before stepping into the building first, Wilford right behind him and then moving to his side the moment he was able to.

“We’re here to get the information we need and then we’re going home. That’s it.” Dark stated as they walked, both of them stopped when they found a purple haired man sitting on the floor, folding some brightly colored paper. The man was highly focused on his craft to notice Dark and Wilford. Dark tried to get his attention by clearing his throat but got nothing. “Hello?”

“Hi!” The man greeted with a large smile when he looked up at them and then went back to his folding. Dark made a face and stiffened but Wilford stepped forward before Dark could speak again.

“I’m Wilford, and this is my friend Dark, we’re here from the Ipliers.” The man perked up when Wilford said the last word.

“Oh!” The man scrambled to his feet and bounced a little. “I’m Robbie! Follow me!” He said cheerfully and walked off.

“He sounds like a child,” Dark said in a whisper to Wilford as they followed Robbie.

“I think it’s-oh my God, it smells like chocolate!” Wilford shouted when a large, iron door was opened, the strong scent hitting them both.

“Welcome to the Septiceyes!” Robbie giggled and ran deeper into the large room. Robbie went up to a wall that was covered with monitors and control panels that stuck out by several feet.

“Hey, Robbo, are they here?” A man with light green hair and a hat asked. Robbie nodded his head and took one of the cookies that were on a plate. The man turned his head and saw Dark and Wilford. “Hello!” The man greeted and went over to the two.

“Cookies?” Dark asked, raising a brow.

“You can help yourself if you wish.” The man offered.

“No thank-”

“Sweet!” Wilford chuckled and went to the control panel.

“I’m Chase, head of the Septiceyes.”

“Dark. Head of the Ipliers.” Dark took the hand Chase had held out and shook it. “And that’s our weapon’s expert, Wilford. Sometimes I hesitate to call him second in command.” Dark said the last part as a mumble.

“Marvin!” Chase called over his shoulder. “He’s my second in command.”

“What do you need?” A man with dark green hair and a cat mask asked. “Is this the head of the Ipliers?”

“Yes. I’m here for the information about our newest target. We were told to speak with you since it seems the target has had past relations with the target.” Dark stated.

“Anti.” Marvin and Chase said together.

“Who?” Dark asked.

“You’ll meet him later, he’s...resting.” Chase chuckled.

“You spooked me a little.” Wilford chuckled as Dark continued his conversation with Marvin and Chase.

“Sorry.” The man who had snuck up on him signed.

“Maybe you can make it up to me later? Mr…”

“J-A-M-E-S-O-N or J-J.”

“Well, Jamesy, I gotta say I do love your bowtie.” Wilford winked, pinching the end of JJ’s bowtie with his thumb and index finger. “I’m a fan of them myself.” JJ just went a little red and silently giggled. “If you’re not busy tonight, would you mind-”

“Wilford, we’re leaving.” Dark’s call cut Wilford short.

“Perhaps I could give you my-” Wilford stopped again when JJ took a marker from his vest’s pocket and wrote his phone number on Wilford’s arm.

“Text. Me.” JJ signed and winked. Wilford just chuckled deeply and awkwardly pointed as Dark called his name again.

“Bye,” Wilford said and followed Dark out of the room.

“Someone’s crushing~” Chase sang when the two Ipliers left. JJ’s face was a little redder and he placed a hand to his cheek. “I’m sure I can find some reason to get them to come back.”

“I’m sure the pink one would not complain.” A man wearing a red outfit and blue eyes mask giggled, bouncing over to hug the still blushing JJ.

“Pink one? Who are you talking about, Jackie?” A man with a long, thick scar across his neck asked as he entered the room. “Did I miss something?”

“The Ipliers were here just a moment ago and JJ here has a crush on one of them,” Chase explained.

“Oh~” The man looped his arm through JJ’s. “Does someone want some Iplier booty? And by the sounds of it, there were two and that sounds twice as fun.”

“I don’t like what you’re implying, Anti.” A man with a thick German accent called from a couch on the other side of the room.

“I would never imply anything, Henrik,” Anti said with fake offense, placing a hand to his chest.

“Your life is nothing but innuendos and then acting out on those innuendos,” Henrik stated.

“At least I have some fun, Mr. Stiff. Although I doubt you’re able to-”

“Don’t make me put you in time out,” Chase warned.

“But-”

“How about we change the subject?” Marvin suggested, handing Anti a piece of paper. “It looks like an ex of yours has gotten into some trouble.”

“Sweet.” Anti chuckled. “Let’s give her hell.”

Back at the Iplier’s headquarters, Dark was trying to read the information he had been given by the Septiceyes while Wilford told the others about what had happened.

“Dude! You got his number already!? It took Googs weeks to even speak to me.”

“It did not take me that long, Bing.” Googs, also known as Google, protested.

“It took a month for you to kiss him.” Wilford teased.

“I’m sorry that I don’t like rushing into things like everyone else.” Google huffed while Bing hugged his arm.

“It was worth the wait.” Bing giggled.

“You two are gross.” The man sitting next to the two stuck out his tongue.

“Bim’s just jealous that he’s too embarrassed to ask out-”

“Hush!” Bim cut Wilford off when a young woman with bright red hair joined the group. “Hi, Yandere.” Bim greeted with a nervous chuckle.

“Host would like to say that Dark’s annoyance is clear as he tries to read the report.” Host, a man with a bloodied cloth over his eyes, stated.

“I can’t read half of what is here.” Dark huffed, tossing the papers down. “Her handwriting is nothing but swirls and his looks like he took his pen and drew lines and dots all over it.”

“Shall Bing and I take a look?” Google offered.

“Be my guest. Wilford and I will most likely go back over tomorrow to get a clarification and no, Wil, you can’t spend the whole time flirting with that Septiceye.” Dark said as Google got up and gathered the report.

“You have to admit that he’s cute.” Wilford chuckled. “Although, you, Mr. Grump, don’t really do ‘relationships’.” He added with an eye roll.

“They’re a waste of time,” Dark said.

“Are you saying Bing and Google are wasting their time?” Wilford asked.

“Everyone else is free to do as they pleased as long as we get the job done. I just don’t think it’s worth my time.” Dark got out of his chair and started to walk off.

“You know you have a heart, Dark,” Wilford called after him, not seeing the downwards glance Dark made at the ground when he paused at the exit. “You do.” He added before Dark left completely.

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[kitkat1003]

OkAY SO @alcordraws ALL UR POKEMON POSTS INSPIRED ME SO Dark: Dark types duh, save for 1 fire and 1 ice Wilford: Fairy. That Jirachi he has knows everything Doc: Normal/Healer types. He's always got big pokemon he needs to look out for, and who can actually drag him to get some rest. Host: Psychic types, save for the Zubat. The Zubat was the first Pokemon to find him when he became the Host, and it helped Host find his way to Doc to treat his eyes(he secretly calls Zubat Zuzu) Bim: Grass, with a bit of poison. Just because our plant boi is cute doesn't mean he's harmless, after all! Bing: Weak electric types, save for Soglaleo. FOR CLARIFICATION, Bing has not actually caught said Soglaleo. They're just pals and Bing can call the giant cat for help in dire situations Google: Electric and Steel, Googs clashes with Bing bc he sees Pokemon as tools and not pals. It pisses him off IMMENSELY when he finds out about the Soglaleo Damien:Grass/Ground starter bc he is grounded and calm Celine: Water/Steel starter bc she's slippery with a silver tongue Mark:Fire/Fighting starter bc he's fired up for glory and he'll fight to have Celine to himself. Fire is also representative to his later burning hatred towards the Colonel William: He doesn't get a starter. While watching his friends play with their own Pokemon, he muttered "I wish I had a Pokemon to play with" and POOF! Jirachi.

[din-skywalker]

Kitties? Kitties

I ended up writing more of one of my personal ships: GoogleCent. My friend suggested the idea that Marvin just.... fills Google’s house with cats and I couldn’t resist writing it. I think it came out adorably! I really do think I’m getting better at writing fluff :3

It had been a long day of planning and scolding mixed in together for Google. And so, all he wants to do as he pushes into his home is to hook up to his charging station and go into rest mode. However, what he finds in his living room makes him aware that he will not be able to do either of these things.

There has to be at least five cats and fifteen kittens strewn about his living room and in the dead center of them all is the largest cat he’s had for quite some time. Marvin adjusts his mask and grins up at Google as a kitten crawls onto his shoulder and licks at his cheek, rubbing its face madly against his. Another much larger and fatter cat lays in his lap, purring in contentment. The other cats run around Google’s living room, tackling one another and meowing loudly.

“Marvin…” Google began, keeping his voice low because the rest of his systems need to share the remnants of his low battery. He glances around once more and then down when a cat slides between his legs, looking up at him with wide and adorable eyes as it meows. He swallows because oh no the cats are actually adorable but he needs to keep a stern face. “Why are there… twenty cats in my living room.”

Marvin laughs sheepishly, scratching at the back of his head- which is kind of hard because of the kitten climbing on top of his head now, lying down between the ears of his mask. “Well, you see, Googs…” he began and his voice is shaking a little bit and he looks a lot like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Google, despite trying to be stern, has to admit that Marvin looks adorable like that. Especially with the kitten on top of his head and the fat cat in his lap. Oh, and another cat now climbing onto his shoulder. “I um… I found all of these little babies in an alley….”

“All of them?” Google asked, eyebrows raising because that’s a lot of cats to find in a single alleyway, even for Marvin. Sure the magician has what seems like an aura that attracts other cats to him, but this is a bit much. Google glances down at the cat that is now leaning against his leg, rubbing its cheek up and down his shin. Another cat, a blue one, is prancing over to him and rubs against his other leg. He can feel and hear the vibrations of its purring on his leg. He looks back up at Marvin. “And why did you bring them here?”

“I couldn’t leave them there!” Marvin exclaimed, patting the top of the fat cat’s head and then the head of the cat perched like a bird on his shoulder. He’s frowning now, eyes widening to give his signature look… the “kitten eyes”. Google can already feel what he believes to be his heart stuttering in his chest and he wets his lips, trying to keep himself from falling so easily for the “kitten eyes”.  “Besides, I already have a pet. The others wouldn’t let me keep all of these little fur babies!”

Google sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Also to keep himself from look directly into the kitten eyes. That’s always a mistake he makes when they come into play. “Well, I can’t keep all of them, either,” he points out, crossing his arms over his chest now.

When he looks up he’s greeted by the sight of the kitten eyes with a frowning Marvin now and that makes the expression even harder to handle. Google presses his lips together thinly, clearing his throat and he can tell that Marvin knows he has him under his thumb. “Marv…” he tries.

“Please, Googs?” Marvin cuts off in a pleading manner and another cat is climbing up one of Google’s legs now. He reaches down and grabs it, holding it in his arms and the kitten- a tabby- butts its head into his chin. “Look, they like you, too!”

“You’re a child, you know that?” Google asked but he’s already given in and he hears Marvin make a noise of happy triumph. “But fine. I’ll find a way to keep them.” The cat magician claps in glee but stops when he disturbs the old, fat cat in his lap.

“Thank you, Googs!” Marvin exclaimed and carefully lifts the fat cat from his lap. It makes a noise of protest and he sets it on a nearby pillow. This seems to satisfy it because it curls back up, tail laying on top of its nose. The cat on his head doesn’t seem bothered by his movements and the cat on his shoulder merely readjusts how its sitting. Marvin walks to Google’s side, petting the cat he’s holding. “Here, I’ll introduce you to all of them!”

So Marvin gestures to each cat in turn, informing of Google of each of their names. The one Google is currently holding is named Apollo and the fat old cat- a long haired tuxedo- is named Midnight. The one on Marvin’s head- a calico- is named Bramble because she’s good at hanging onto things like the plant. The one on Marvin’s shoulder- a yellow cat- is named Parrot because he, well, sits on your shoulder and meows after you talk like he’s trying to talk sometimes. The others have more ridiculous names but Google doesn’t say anything about how Marvin named them because he knows the magician would be offended by this fact.

And even though Google hadn’t been wanting them at first, he comes to love each of them. They always follow him around his house like a large cat pack, meowing at him and rubbing against his legs every time he stops. Parrot clings to his chest and he carries Midnight around because the cat is too lazy to do so himself. When he goes into the kitchen some of the cat leap onto the cabinets, following him higher. Soon enough, Google builds them an obstacle course in one corner of his living room.

His favorite is probably Midnight, though. The fat and old cat has greying fur and whiskers, showing his obvious older age. Yet, he’s sweet and lays on Google’s lap while he works on the projects Dark had assigned him.

He loves each of the cats Marvin had dumped on him, however. And they actually love him back. Maybe he had been needing these cats in his life.

____

Tell me what ya’ll think ;)

@thanxolotl

@magic-marvin-protection-patrol

@alliedoesstuff

[unproduciblesmackdown]

heres the rest of thos asks

Macaroni and Cheese: What makes you think of your childhood?

i suppose its old shows i used to watch. wishbone

Spring Green: How do you relax when you’re stressed?

uhm i stop caring or listen to music or eat something lol

Asparagus: What’s an unpopular opinion you have?

uhhhh.....i dont like thomas sanders

Bittersweet: Has someone you loved ever hurt you?

of course

Eggplant: Explain your url and avatar.

my url comes from a sandwich board one of the local businesses put out back where i used to be; my avatar is because i like lars

Outer Space: Do you ever feel like you’re an outcast from others?

yeah but not in like a dramatic way, i just dont tend to easily find ppl in on a social wavelength with

Cotton Candy: What is your favorite dessert?

ice cream

Freckle: Do you have any marks on your skin? How do you feel about them?

i have freckles which are my pride and joy, stretch marks and scars which i also love. i still break out a bit which i dont mind horribly just coz im used to it, but i dont think i could ever Like that lol, best case scenario be neutral abt it

Shocking Pink: Is there a trait that you have that others don’t expect from you?

sometimes when you dont talk around someone i guess they think you have no thoughts at all? sometimes ppl seem surprised i have like opinions ever. onhere im obviously partially upfront abt what im passionate about, but in person i rarely entrust anyone w that

Robin’s Egg Blue: If you were an animal, which one do you think would you be?

a cat

Granny Smith Apple: What’s something everyone else likes that you don’t?

star wars...i dont Dislike it, ive just never been able to like....care in the least. rogue one was rad af tho

Dandelion: What’s a pet peeve of yours?

an easy one is that certain sounds bother the hell out of me, not the ones that are supposed to tho, like nails on chalkboard type stuff. certain kinds of audible eating noises are intolerable to me, i dont use some word ever b/c i hate the sound

Atomic Tangerine: What gets you motivated to do a difficult task?

uhhh.....getting it over with

Wisteria: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?

im nice to cats

Candy Apple: How do you think others view you?

on average i guess as quiet

Plum: Are you insecure about anything?

yeah, my enthusiasm in general, and my teeth/skin/fact that i exist

Sky Blue: Where do you feel the most at home?

fuck, uhhh...im pretty comfortable on a roller coaster lol

Tickle Me Pink: How do you try to cheer others up when they’re sad?

i really dont, but i suppose by giving them food

Wild Strawberry: Do you care what others think about you?

to the extent that they dont think im a complete asshole but not really

Glossy Grape: Recommend something to your followers.

a kentucky hot brown is a secret sandwich and theres a whole cheese sauce you have to make but its worth it

World Wide Web Yellow: What was the last thing you looked up?

my goog app says it was "whats the difference between sphinxes and manticores"

Shadow Blue: Do you have a darker side to you that most people are unaware of?

not in like, an edgy way, but ive never graced anyone with a true loss of temper or even anything close to it really. loss of patience tops lol

Electric Lime: What genre of music do you listen to?

generally some form of pop

Night Owl: Describe a very interesting dream that you had.

god have i ever had an "interesting" dream...i guess i have when im dreaming in like, video game format. but uhhh...recently i dreamt abt going to several beaches, thats abt as fun as it gets

Cornflower: What do you think about the most?

gay shit

Grasshopper Green: Describe the area where you live.

appalachia

Misty Moss: Is there anything you regret?

not really no

Tiny Toad Brown: Do you find beauty in something that people consider to be ugly or undesirable?

uneven skin tone, scars and stretch marks

Sunny Side Up: Do you like waking up in the mornings, or would you rather sleep in?

sleep in all fuckn day

Kitten Gray: Do you have any pets? If so, describe them.

not technically

Timberwolf: Do you give second chances when somebody has wronged you?

i guess

Freshly Squeezed: What excites you?

ooh...i dunno, birds? stars. boring things like that. snails.

Firefly Red: What gives you purpose?

i dont really consider myself having a purpose

Tiny Teapot Tan: Do you consider yourself to be attractive/cute?

im fairly average

Rain Drop Blue: Describe the weather outside.

its nighttime but i think its clear out

Sweet Pea Green: Do you have/want children?

god no

Pussywillow: Do you like being around others, or do you like being alone?

unless its good friends then i'd prefer to be alone

Jack ‘O’ Lantern Orange: What’s your biggest fear and why?

uh, needing some form of health care because i cant afford that

Baby Bunny Pink: Do you look young for your age, or do you look older than you are?

i used to look older than my age, now im not sure

Mystic Maroon: What confuses you, and why?

this question???? poetry coz its obfuscated

Cosmic Cobalt: What’s your zodiac sign, and do you think it’s accurate?

pisces. i do like the ocean, but otherwise not really

Petal Pink: Describe your fashion sense as well as what you’re wearing right now.

im not sure...in reality i think its kind of boring but i do like having some bright color or noticeable pattern/line or just contrast in general. im wearing skinny jeans and a graphic tee and warm socks

Mountain Meadow: Do you like taking care of others, or do you prefer being care of?

neither

Fuzzy Duckling Yellow: Is there something from childhood that you haven’t outgrown?

arthur on pbs is a dope show

Brussel Sproutlet: Do you have any unhealthy habits?

hell yeah

Razzle Dazzle Rose: Describe an ideal date.

again i dont date

Mauvelous: Do you think you deserve a better life than you have now?

i mean this implies i think anyone "deserves" a worse life than others. which in some cases is true in that they deserve to die or definitely dont deserve the life they have, but on avg...ppl dont Deserve the disparities in quality of life

Blueberry Blue: Do you get sad easily? not about personal stuff

Purple Mountains Majesty: How does someone earn your respect? be an actually decent person which i guess i have high standards for when it comes to random ppl you meet, but

[castielismyfavouriteangel]

As I slowly start to wake up again, I notice we aren’t in the car anymore. Not wanting Julian to know I’m awayke I don’t open my eyes and try to figure out where we are with my other senses, as goog as possible. The scent changed from the typical ne car and leather scent to something moldy and wet, maybe rotten wood. The rushing of cars on the highway changed to the soothing sound of waves rolling onto the coast. Are we in an old fishing hut? As I try to move a little I realize I got fixated onto a hard surface. Subconsiously I start fighting against my restraints. Now that I showed I’m awake I slowly open my eyes and see Julian standing above me. I try to scream, but I got a gag in my mouth that muffles every single bit of noise I could make. Starting to panik tears run down the side of my face. “Well then. We’re finally alone and I have you exactly where I want you. You know, I never liked competition. And it was hard enough fighting against other demons on my way to the throne. But now with you on his side and those bastards inside of you...this is a competition I can’t win.” I look at him in pure horror. What is he saying? Bastard inside of me? An I pregnant? But that can’t be! “You surely wonder how I know that. I bet you didn’t even know yourself. Well, your soon-to-be or maybe also not husband has this special ability. He can sense pregnancies. And well, it happens that I’m actually really good at reading minds. No one can hide anything from me. And as soon as I found out I knew I had to get you. Alone. And how happy I was when I heard you wanted to make this little road trip and Crowley was looking for someone to drive you.  Of course, knowing you’re pregnant he didn’t want you to drive yourself. So I offered to drive you in this pretty new car of yours. Oh how hard it was to play the nice, devoted demon for the two of you. You saw my eyes when you entered the cat, that was a mistake, That shouldn’t have happened, but you’re just soo trustworthy. You never even imagined someone could do you any harm, your precious fiancé would save you, didn’t you think exactly this?” The longer he talked the more I started to freak out and the tears just kept coming. There was no way to contact Crowley, praying to him won’t work, but maybe one of the angels could help me! “Oh don’t even think of praying to those precious angels of yours. I can read your thoughts, remember?” Now I really start to panik. What else could I do to make them get me. Did Crowley even notice I’m gone? Did he hear my plead for help? “Oh, I’m sure your precious ‘Darling’ noticed your disappearance already. But so far there’s no way how he could find you. Why don’t we scare him a little”

He holds up my phone and shows me the display which says he’s calling @666crowley-king-of-hell666. The moment Crowley picks up Julian starts saying something, but I can’t hear him over my desperate tries to scream, so my Darling knows at least that I’m still alive. Not knowing wheter he was able to hear me Julian ends the call. “Well, why don’t we get to the point why we came here in the first place. I’m really sorry sweetheart, but your precious little babies have to go!” What did he say? My babies have to go? NO! That’s so not going to happen! I feel him trying to get me asleep again, but right before I pass out again, I manage to get the tiniest piece of prayer out to our angels. @hellagayangelofthelord @hellabiangelofthelord @hellacuteangelofthelord @cadenthouseofcastiel @gnosticgabriel @deanismyvessel @fatherofdelinquentangels @gabrielthemessanger @heaven-get-ur-shit-together “Help me! Sea! Fisherhut! Julian! Abortion!!

[kookiekeys]

A List of 101 Jungkook/Jimin Recommendations

Since I began reading Jungkook/Jimin stories early last year, I’ve tried to keep track of all the ones that left a lasting impression. Unfortunately, I most definitely have missed out on other amazing stories that I have either not read or have not been able to recall (a lot of the ones on Tumblr I’ve unfortunately got no way of digging out of my 20,000+ likes). Regardless, I hope you find something in this list :) (List is in no particular order, and I’ve tried to include summaries as provided by the authors themselves. Also, please read the tags accordingly, as the list includes stories covering a wide array of topics)

Start a Riot by chihiro (Rating: E)

- Jeongguk and Jimin have been at this for a long time. The only difference now is that Jimin has grown up and Jeongguk sees no reason why he shouldn't have what he has wanted since a long damned time.

sweet like honey by graseun (Rating: M)

- we've been making shades of purple out of red and blue

Nowhere We Can Really Be Free by bangswing (Rating: E)

- Jeongguk is awakened to the supernatural walking beside him, wearing an ugly sweater and the sweetest smile.

Mine for the Taking by staycute1234 (Rating: M)

- Alpha Jungkook wants to mate Omega Jimin, but Jimin likes to play hard to get.

practiced by wordcouture (Rating: M)

- the fans have another thing comin'--but speaking of coming...

that spin i’m in by wordcouture (Rating: T)

- Open your mind, let your fantasies unwind. Welcome to the Moulin Rouge.

Blow Me Like Your French Horn by ohdizzy (Rating: T)

- In which Jimin undergoes a transformation from Cinnamon Roll to Sinnamon Roll and Jeongguk is a little too competitive, a little too tsundere, and a little bit too moony-eyed for his own good. “i see that you adore playing your loud ass trumpet at random moments in the middle of the night, well fyi i happen to be a master at the French horn so fuck u i challenge you to a brass off” AU

i guess you say (what can make me feel this way) by jungkooks hyung (Rating: T)

- in which jimin works at a country club at the pool and jungkook is a member

Rain All Day and I Don’t Mind by jams_and_suga (Rating: T)

- Jimin and Jungkook spend a rainy morning together. Inspired by the song "Banana Pancakes" by Jack Johnson

Sorry But I Need to Have You by eightninetwo (Rating: T)

- Jeongguk's never one to back down from a dare. But when said dare involves making out with Park Jimin, Jeongguk finds himself wanting it to be more than just that.

my only wish this year by atechamcham (Rating: G)

- jeongguk won't be back for the holidays, and that's fine with jimin. but on christmas morning he wakes up to a text saying he's got a present under his tree.

tying the knot by empressium (Rating: E)

- it's kind of a big fucking deal

star boards by wordcouture (Rating: T)

- "You should never dream about finding true love." "Why not?" "Because once you find it, the only thing that's left is heartbreak."

Little Pieces by Jikookiejar (Rating: Not Rated)

- My Jikook ficlets from Tumblr

lemme hear you beg for it by fatal (Rating: E)

- jeongguk's always been a tease, you'd think jimin would have caught on by now.

Who Let His Boyfriend Be so Fucking Hot? by Halottie (Rating: Not Rated)

- “I woke up early so we can have some fun before you have to go to class.” Jeongguk flashes him a sleepy smile, “I love you.” “I know.”

just one chance to make me blush by ninagum (Rating: M)

- Sometimes love is just a hand to hold and someone to listen.

i like how desperate you seem (in the way you look at me) by fatal (Rating: E)

- packs merge all the time. it's survival. jimin knows that, but what he's not prepared for is the attention he's getting from a certain jeon jeongguk, the alpha's son.

Picture Me With You by novilunar (Rating: E)

- Dealing with being in the same class as his favourite camboy is not an easy task for Jungkook

sugar, we're going down swinging by aborescent (Rating: T)

- modernsherlock!au - The first time Jeon Jungkook meets Park Jimin, the other boy is dissecting what looks like a penis.

Relax, Don’t Do It by yoongidontdoit (Rating: E)

- Jeongguk likes to party. Jeongguk likes to party hard. When he wakes up half naked in a Denny's parking lot, for the third time, he decides to commit to something for once and swear to be completely straight-edge for a full 90 days. That includes no partying, no late nights, and absolutely no sex. Easy until Jimin decides to crash land, literally, into his life.

talking body by empressium (Rating: E)

- "I'm a big fan of your work, author-nim"

Him by PinkBTS (Rating: M)

- “I mean a muse,” explained Yoongi, eyes traveling to Hoseok. “Someone that makes you feel the shots. Not only take them.”Jeongguk snorted. “You’re just whipped.” “Maybe,” agreed Yoongi, winking. “But it works.”

love exposure by pettey (Rating: E)

- “You’re in love with my brother. Do you know what he does?” “He dances.” In which Jeongguk is a soon-to-be journalist with a camera and Jimin lives in nightclubs, sort of.

officially by wordcouture (Rating: M)

- Jungkook usually fucks his interviews up the ass, figuratively speaking of course. Except for this one time when he literally did.

You're My Achilles Heel by miskeen (Rating: E)

- Jungkook just likes the taste of Jimin's cock in his mouth

nothing will be bigger than us by busan_brat (Rating: T)

- A fucking hypocrite, that's who Jimin is. A fucking hypocrite who makes sure that Jungkook is alive and as well as anybody can be in this concrete jungle made of too many broken dreams and too little hope.

Blooming Period by yourcupoftae (Rating: T)

- Jungkook learned, after years of studying them through his camera lenses, that flowers always flourished to their most beautiful blossoms right before they withered.

Ears by Usui (Rating: E)

- Jimin has been going through a dry spell. Taehyung decides the best way for him to get laid is dressing as a sexy cat for Halloween. Jimin meets Jungkook, a guy armed with bad cat puns who definitely approves of the costume.

listen to my heartbeat (it's calling you at its own will) by poplolli (Rating: T)

- Park Jimin has fluffy sweaters, green glasses, chubby cheeks and a smile what could make flowers grow. Jeon Jeongguk has Reputation (with capital R), a motorcycle, way more black leather jackets than necessary and a Secret (with capital S). And may or may not, Jeon Jeongguk has a teeny tiny Crush, too. (It's really tiny though, the capital C must be a mistake, okay.)

You Left This Here by RoxasJinsei (Rating: M)

- Red eyes, a shade or so deeper than blood, make Jimin's body freeze, a shudder racking his frame when a slow smirk makes it's way across the man's face.

I Promise, I Promise. Calm Down. by RoxasJinsei (Rating: T)

- Jungkook meets Youngbae, Jimin's charge. He likes him. Jungkook also meets Jimin's neighbors. He doesn't like them.

In the Line of Fire by bubbleteafics (Rating: E)

- For some reason, Jimin was everyone's favorite target.

A God's Star by TheHalesNyx (Rating: E)

And Back Again by novilunar (Rating: E)

- Jimin wishes he could stay away from Jungkook

underdressed and oversexed by gangbang (Rating: E)

- jungkook just needs the money. it’s kind of unfortunate jimin happens to be the porn star he's jacked off to for the past three years.

Flower Talk by soranosuzu (Rating: G)

- Jimin works in a flower shop and Jungkook is a delivery boy who drives a pastel pink van.

Captain Cuddles by goog (Rating: M)

- In which Taehyung learns that he is not entitled to call Jeongguk 'Captain Cuddles'.

Track one: I love you by dalliancee (Rating: T)

- Just way too close, just by the fingertips — and only by the fingertips. That's all they will ever be.

you're intoxicating (I can't stop) by astrochild (Rating: T)

- and what a strange love this is.

Dream Maker by graesun, Polkari Seuta (VeritasEtVita) (Rating: M)

- Oh, dream maker, you heartbreaker / wherever you're going, I'm going your way. Several days in the lives of Jimin and Jungkook living off instant ramen and lots of kisses.

check one two by gangbang (Rating: E)

- for the first time ever, camboy jimin has a couple of guests on his show. or: Local Twink Gets Fucked Hard and Raw by Two Hotties.

Hate the way I don't hate you by blt_prf (Rating: T)

- 10 things Jimin hates about the new kid in his dancing team.

Varsity by Noona (Rating: E)

- In which Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook are rivals.

Baby, Take Care of Me by rapmonstsr (Rating: M)

- Jeongguk wants to protect Jimin.

wet by wowoashley (Rating: T)

- Jimin’s arms flex as he pulls the top off and tosses it to the side, and Jungkook feels the sudden need to sit down. It’s suddenly too hot. He needs a drink. He needs something.

i’ve been drinking, i’ve been drinking by decompositionbooks (Rating: T)

- Jungkook tries to figure Jimin out with Yoongi's trademarked "What Your Drink Says About You" alcohol psychoanalysis.All he knows is that Jimin likes fruity little drinks.

Web of lies by untrueee (Rating: M)

- Weaving a web of lies I can see it in your eyes Jimin is a liar and a spy, but that's why Jungkook loves him.

Boy You Belong To Me by rapmonstsr (Rating: M)

- When Jimin tries out for the cheer leading squad, he doesn't expect to be humiliated in front of the entire football team. He certainly didn't expect to get closer to the handsome star fullback, Jeon Jeongguk, but it seemed his senior year was beginning to become a series of unfortunate events.

Mizu by renaihyung (Rating: T)

- Jungkook and Jimin grew close in high school through their swimming club. Eventually, both swimmers developed feelings for one another, but it isn’t as easy as one may think. Jungkook is incapable of voicing or showing his emotions, and he isn't sure why. When high school ends and the couple split, never getting further than lingering touches in terms of their relationship thanks to Jungkook’s doing, it’s no shock that Jungkook regrets his decisions every day after Jimin has left. All he has is the swimming competitions to somehow bring him closer to the boy he loves.

Move Your Body by novilunar (Rating: M)

- Jimin has nothing on his mind but practice, and Jungkook has ways of getting into places he shouldn't be. The dance department of Jimin's university is one of them.

if i get in, i just might drown by fatal (Rating: E)

- fucking jimin has always been jeongguk's favourite hobby. ruts just made it that much more special.

Hamartia by chihiro (Rating: M)

- Jimin mistakes Jeongguk for a siren and makes a promise to him he is not prepared to face the consequences of.

The Bet by jonghyunslisterine (Rating: T)

- Where Jeon Jungkook makes a bet that he can get the notoriously single Park Jimin to sleep with him by the end of the semester.Needless to say, things don't go exactly as planned.

Paths by novilunar (Rating: T)

- Jimin is the son of an inn keeper, Jungkook is an adventurer. They make it work.

Gods & Monsters by rapmonstsr (Rating: M)

- Jimin is not entirely human. Jungkook is a ghoul hunter. And someone is pulling the strings behind a curtain.

you're a hard soul to save with an ocean in the way (but i'll get around it) by namakemono (Rating: T)

- Jimin has the whole ocean at his fingertips, but for some reason he can't help but look up to where the humans are, and wonder what it’s like to be part of their world. (or: the Little Mermaid AU that no one asked for)

Training Wheels by jeonify (Rating: G)

- everything starts when jeongguk moves over, and jimin teaches him to ride a bike. everything ends when kim taehyung moves over, and jeongguk abandons his bicycle. +“they say that if you watch the sunset on that hill for 31 consecutive days, your unrequited love will be reciprocated.”

the waiting game by bonnia (Rating: E)

- It’s a waiting game. Jimin knows that Jungkook doesn’t have to come back, but with every little touch, every time Jungkook does, and every time Jungkook lies down right next to him, pressed up close, torturously warm and smelling like cigarette smoke and cologne, Jimin can’t help but feel like he could — would — wait years just for Jungkook to come back to him again. (Or: In which Jimin is a prostitute and Jungkook is his favourite customer.)

I Don’t Need a Map My Heart Points Me to You by busantanboys (Rating: T)

- “Well,” He paused for effect, throwing a wicked smile Jungkook’s way before continuing, “I’d like you a whole lot better if you’d untie me, sweet cheeks.” “Sorry, no can-do, sunshine. Cap’n’s orders. Looks like you're stuck with me.” - (In which Jeon Jungkook is enamored with tiny, pirate, Park Jimin.)

When You Look Here by jimjamgguk (Rating: E)

- In which Jungkook and Jimin are paired together for an assignment. Stuff happens.

flashing lights (you've got me faded) by bonnia (Rating: E)

- getting married to the heir of his father's rival company, multi-billionaire-playboy-sexgod jeon jungkook in a bout of drunken insanity and consequently being forced into a fake relationship with said asshole, is Very Low on jimin's bucket list. (actually, it doesn't even make the list.) but, jimin would grudgingly admit, at least the sex is good. (actually, the sex is better than good. but you didn’t hear that from him.)

yankee doodle by Hurley (Rating: E)

- Jimin’s fourth relationship is with a guy who wore a policeman uniform to happy hour at the local bar. (aka the fic where Jimin likes older guys.)

Soft Times by rapmonstsr (Rating: M)

- Jeongguk takes care of his Jiminie.

once upon a timeshare by namakemono (Rating: M)

- Jungkook is in desperate need of a vacation, but spending two weeks in Namjoon and Hoseok’s timeshare in Okinawa with his recently separated ex of three years was probably (definitely) not what he had in mind.

Glass Diamonds by GinForInk (Rating: E)

- Jungkook accidentally fires his skateboard through the window of a dance studio.

warm me up (with your lips) by graesun (Rating: E)

- Jungkook feels like maybe it should be a bigger deal that most of the population chooses a lifelong mate before they turn twenty-five. But truth be told, Jungkook has always been a sucker for love stories--for the story of his parents finding each other at eighteen and nineteen, for the promise of belonging to somebody, for the legends – old stories of alpha, beta, and omega instincts finding the one without any effort at all. Jungkook had been sure of his own hopeful love story not long after he met Jimin, the both of them imprinting on each other while Jungkook was still too shy to say more than a few stuttered words to him. It’s been a long time coming. And Jungkook can’t wait for them to finally belong to each other.

I’m Not Sorry by bananacookies (Rating: Not Rated)

- Jungkook never would've expected a text from a stranger to turn out like this.(A story in which Jungkook's lonely, Jimin's a sweetheart, and Yoongi's the cat)

Perfect by miskeen (Rating: E)

- jimin and jungkook get ready to go out. eventually

hypnotic (you got me talking in my sleep) by ninagum (Rating: M)

- Jungkook plucks off the icicles around Jimin's heart, one at a time, despite the continuous blizzard.

i am a good good boy by narrowrule (Rating: E)

- The ideal couple. Jimin was short and soft in all the ways Jeongguk was tall and hard. The stuff of highly rated KBS dramas, Taehyung supposed. Until recently.aka taehyung stumbles upon (more like into) the true dynamics of his best friend's relationship ft. power bottom jimin, eager to please jeongguk and thirsty taehyung

When the Sun Goes Down by rapmonstsr (Rating: M)

- “Yeah? You must feel like a god right now.” Jeongguk glances out to Gangnam’s sparkling nightlife and hums in agreement. At least Jimin is aware. “What does that make you?” OrJeongguk is a sad rich boy who falls in love with his best friend.

crush(ed) by fatal (Rating: M)

- jimin's been lost for so long, he's forgotten what it feels like to be found.

Rubies for a King by TheHalesNyx (Rating: E)

- Prompt: Twenty years ago, Jimin's father struck a deal with Jungkook, the dragon to ensure that the crown will remain in the family. Twenty years later, Jungkook has come to claim his prize.In return for Jimin’s life, his health, in return for an heir to the company throne, Jimin’s father had made a deal with a dragon.

Sleepy Cuddles by jimin_to_my_ship_we_got_kookies (Rating: G)

- Jungkook just needs his cuddle buddy back in bed.

100% success rate by bonnia (Rating: T)

- Legend has it, that whenever Kim Taehyung unleashes the ;) face, things do not bode well for Jeon Jungkook. But legend also has it, that Jeon Jungkook has a penchant for making terrible decisions. (or: in which jungkook has a crush the size of manhattan, taehyung is his alleged wingman, and jimin is only wilfully oblivious)

you make my heart saur by sugrpill (Rating: M)

- "'I gotta go.” “Go where?” Taehyung asks as he settles back into the couch, admiring his new ink. “Do someone,” Jimin says cheekily as he rises, clambering over Taehyung's legs. Taehyung shoots up, back straight, eyes pleading. “Don't fuck Jeongguk.'” (In which Jimin goes out looking for a hook-up, and they both get a little surprise.)

Guilty Pleasures by jimin_to_my_ship_we_got_kookies (Rating: G)

- Everyone's got a guilty pleasure, some sweeter than others.

Bloom by mnsg (Rating: T)

- Jimin has a soft spot for Jeongguk the size of Jupiter and it’s hard not to take advantage of that, sometimes. Especially when Jimin looks so good and sweet and happy Jeongguk could just…eat him.

if i can be with you by goldenhearts (Rating: Not Rated)

- collection of shorter stories originally posted on tumblr (@springjeon)

You Read Me Like a Book by dyegu (Rating: T)

- The university library has really really tall bookshelves, which kinda sucks for someone who's short like Jimin.

could you stop being so high up, please? by dyegu (Rating: T)

- If someone wants a kiss, someone is going to have to stop being so freaking high up.

Park and Recreations by miskeen (Rating: E)

- Jimin and Jungkook play laser tag. It's pretty much a fight to the death

Cuddling Misadventures by nutterbutterbisquit (Rating: M)

- Jimin wakes up in the middle of the night to give Jungkook the wake-up call he's wanted since they started sleeping (literally) with each other.

longing: a yearning desire by NaHe (Rating: T)

- The first words a person’s soulmate will say to them appears on their left wrist on the day of their 18th birthday. Unless, of course, their soulmate has passed away. Jungkook was a 21 year old with a blank wrist.

your body is a place to stay by jonghyunslisterine (Rating: T)

- In which Jungkook juggles a five-year-old daughter, Jimin the pretty bookstore employee, and coworkers who like to tease him too much.

Just a joke by pastelrainbows (Rating: G)

- Jeongguk pranks jimin. Jimin is not amused.

numbers by memechele (Rating: T)

- jungkook loves his job: after all, being a cashier in 7/11 isn't exactly rocket science, and it pays well. He starts to love it even more though, when the christmas exhibition a mere 25 metres away from the store gets a new santa, and jungkook has the best seat to ogle him. or jimin is the new santa in jungkook's local mall, and jungkook ends up on jimin's lap on christmas eve.

Share a kiss with me tonight by Themboybandsthough (Rating: Not Rated)

- It's a social experiment

drop our anchors in a storm by merrimint (Rating: M)

- In which Jimin and Jeongguk's last night together before Jeongguk has to leave for the military results in nine months worth of stress and the consumption of a frankly ridiculous amount of chocolate covered strawberries.

Of course, it had to be you by Rose_gold715 (Rating: T)

- Park Jimin is an Omega wolf who simply wants to find a mate who will accept him. Jeon Jungkook is a mysterious, devastatingly handsome Alpha who confuses Jimin.

promise rings by cupidsus (Rating: E)

- cliche friends with benefits problems with slight twists of some sort

Practicality by rapmonstsr (Rating: T)

- Jungkook manages to piss off his crush and Secret Santa all in one go.

hit me (with your best shot) by happy_tokki (Rating: G)

- The first time they meet, Jeongguk hits him with a snowball. And that is how it all begins.

Won’t Let You Sink by jikookie (Rating: M)

- Jungkook considers it his life mission to make sure his boyfriend doesn't let the stress and pressure get to him. Based on when Jimin lost his part in Autumn Leaves to Tae. Jungkook taking care of his precious boyfriend who is always there for him. With just a tiny bit of smutty goodness.

All the Way Home I’ll Be Warm... by Anonymous (Rating: T)

- Lately, it seemed like Jungkook was always running. Running to work, running to the gym, running from gallery opening to gallery opening, trying to network and make a name for himself in this city, and currently, tonight, running very, very late to catch the last train home for Christmas.

White T-shirt and Brown Timberlands by Rose_gold715 (Rating: G)

- Jimin is filing for divorce after eight years with Jungkook. He needs to let go, and yet, he wants to hold on a little longer.

Well Done! by annafeu (Rating: E)

- Running low on provisions to last them through the winter, wolf-pack leader Jungkook captures an unsuspecting rabbit to have for his Christmas dinner.

Return with the Tides by baepsaeved (Rating: T)

- Jimin has been to six different worlds, but he ends up falling in love with a boy from his hometown.

Metallic by snarcsics (Rating: E)

- Jimin is an elegant killer, he’s sweet and careful and he makes every slice feel like hell. Jungkook learns from him, watches him, moans out with him when Jimin’s eyes flutter in satisfaction at the agonized muffled screams he receives with every glide of Jungkook’s kitchen knife.

baby you got devotion in every little motion by automatic_dick (Rating: E)

- jimin's six months pregnant when his boyfriend leaves him: unemployed, nothing in savings, three months from having a second mouth to feed. he gets a job getting fucked. can't be that bad. he's been getting fucked over his whole life, might as well get paid for it.

In some cases, I’ve had to shorten summaries a little bit. Please let me know if that is not acceptable and would like that changed.

If there are any errors, or if you have any recommendations for a better way to organize this, let me know!

[newlaptopreviews]

Smart speaker showdown: Apple HomePod vs. Google Home vs. Amazon Echo

Apple’s Siri-powered HomePod goes head-to-head against its smart speaker competitors, but can’t quite keep up.

There was a time when buying a speaker just meant grabbing a boombox off the shelf of the nearest Radio Shack and rocking out in your room until your parents told you to stop blasting Kenny G, because the neighbors were starting to ask questions.

Today, if you’re buying a speaker, chances are it’ll also double as a smart assistant. And the standouts in this new age of smart speakers also happen to come from the biggest names in Silicon Valley. I’m talking, of course, about Apple’s (AAPL) Siri-powered HomePod, Google’s (GOOG, GOOGL) Assistant-powered Home and Amazon’s (AMZN) Alexa-powered Echo.

The HomePod is easily the best sounding of the group, but I wanted to know how smart they are. So I asked each one seven basic questions ranging from the weather conditions in my area to why my cats meow, and gave them three commands to find out which should apply for a Mensa membership, and which needs to go back to school.

Which one of these speakers gets no respect? (image: © 1986 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. All Rights Reserved.)

I also added in how many devices each speaker works with and whether you can use the smartphone of your choice with them.

First: the intelligence test!

The intelligence test

Google’s Home graduates with honors in this test.

Below are the seven questions and three commands I presented and my findings.

What’s the weather like? This is the most commonly asked question for smart speakers, so it makes sense that each device was able to provide the weather conditions for New York. Apple HomePod, however, also tells you the source of its weather report, The Weather Channel, which feels unnecessary. 

What’s on my calendar? Want to check what appointments you’ve got coming up today? Well, if you’ve got the HomePod, you’re out of luck. Apple’s Siri replies with a negative. For whatever reason, the smart assistant can’t access your appointments, so you’ll have to manually check on your phone. Google Home and Amazon Echo can both check your calendar and add appointments. 

How long will it take to get to work/ home? Running behind in the morning and want to know if you’ll get to the office on time? Well, if you ask your HomePod, Siri will give you an estimate for your commute via car, but not by mass transit. The Echo will also give you an estimate via your car, but you have to specifically ask, “What does my commute look like?,” instead of asking something like “How long will it take to get to work?” It also won’t give you mass transit travel time estimates. Google Home will give you both driving and mass transit options. 

Can you get me an Uber? Heading out to the bar with friends and plan to have a few drinks? You can try to ask Apple HomePod to call you an Uber, but unlike its counterpart, the iPhone, Siri on the HomePod can’t call you a car. Both Google Home and Amazon Echo can get you an Uber and to the bar with ease. 

Why do cats meow? This might not be a common question, but it’s something I’ve wanted to know since I got my two cats. The HomePod, however, left my fluffy friends and I in the dark. The Echo gave me a detailed explanation on the topic, while Google Home gave me an even more detailed answer and cited the source it pulled the information from. Unlike the weather question, for which HomePod provides its source, it makes sense for Google Home to provide you with a source so you can do more research on your own. 

Where is my phone? Think you’ve lost your phone between your couch cushions, but still can’t find it? You can ask your HomePod, but don’t expect Siri to help you find your precious handset. The Echo’s Alexa will tell you to download an app to find your device and walk you through the setup process. Google, meanwhile, will call your iPhone or ring your Android phone.

How is the stock market? Say you’re doing the dishes, but still want to check how your stocks performed for the day. The HomePod’s Siri tells you exactly how the Dow Jones Industrial Average, S&P 500 and Nasdaq performed by points and percentage, while the Echo’s Alexa tells you how the DJI, Nasdaq and S&P performed by points and percentage. Google Home, meanwhile, provides the DJI, the NYSE Composite, and S&P 500. Strangely, the Google Home told me the S&P was down the day I tested it, when the index was actually up, but the closing numbers were correct.

Play music on Spotify. Want to pump up the jam on Spotify with your HomePod? Then I’ve got bad news for you, because Apple’s speaker can only stream music from Apple Music. The Echo and Home can stream from multiple music sources including Spotify.

Add dog food to my shopping list. Need to get some food for Fido? You can ask HomePod, Echo and Home to add some savory treats for your doggo to your smartphone’s shopping list. It’s quick, easy and painless all around.

Set an alarm. Have to get up for work in the morning, but already in your comfy bed? No worries, the HomePod, Echo and Home all let you set your alarm using nothing but your voice. So you can stay safe and warm under your blankets.

Winner:

Amazon Echo and Google Home tie for intelligence, addressing all of the questions asked and commands given. Apple HomePod, however, was only able to complete half of the intelligence test.

Compatibility

Amazon Echo has all of the answers in this competition.

If you’re buying a smart home speaker, you likely want it to work with your existing smart home products. I’m talking about your smart thermostat, smart coffee maker, smart… blender? Whatever it is, you want your new speaker to work with it. So how do these three stack up?

Amazon Echo is compatible with the most devices on the market. The e-commerce giant says its Alexa smart assistant can communicate with 4,000 different smart gadgets in your home. Google says the Home’s Google Assistant can talk to 1,500 devices, a significantly smaller number than Amazon’s offering. Then there’s the HomePod and its Siri, which works with “hundreds” of accessories.

As far as your own smartphone, the Echo and Home work with both Android and iOS devices. The HomePod, however, will only work with iOS devices. So if you’re an Android owner, the HomePod isn’t for you.

Winner:

Amazon Echo is compatible with Android and iOS, and can communicate with the most smart home devices. That means it takes the top spot in compatibility.

The smartest one in the room

Amazon Echo not only completed all of the commands and answered all of my questions, it also offers the greatest compatibility with other smart home devices. Of the three big smart speakers on the market, Amazon Echo clearly has the biggest brains. Google Home comes in a close second. Sure, it matched Echo in the intelligence test, but it just isn’t compatible with as many devices to beat out Amazon’s offering.

Then there’s the Apple HomePod, which is, well… let’s just say it’s not too bright. The speaker was only able to successfully complete half of the intelligence test and supports the fewest number of smart home devices. So if you’re looking for the smartest speaker around, go for the Amazon Echo.

More from Dan:

8 must-have toys from New York Toy Fair 2018

What to do when you’re hacked

Hackers are using victims’ computers to mine cryptocurrencies

Nvidia is scrambling to graphics cards to gamers amid crypto boom

Email Daniel Howley at dhowley@yahoo-inc.com; follow him on Twitter at @DanielHowley.

Follow Yahoo Finance on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn

from laptop2 http://ift.tt/2sPQxmu Read More Viral News

[danielphowley]

Smart speaker showdown: Apple HomePod vs. Google Home vs. Amazon Echo

Apple’s Siri-powered HomePod goes head-to-head against its smart speaker competitors, but can’t quite keep up.

There was a time when buying a speaker just meant grabbing a boombox off the shelf of the nearest Radio Shack and rocking out in your room until your parents told you to stop blasting Kenny G, because the neighbors were starting to ask questions.

Today, if you’re buying a speaker, chances are it’ll also double as a smart assistant. And the standouts in this new age of smart speakers also happen to come from the biggest names in Silicon Valley. I’m talking, of course, about Apple’s (AAPL) Siri-powered HomePod, Google’s (GOOG, GOOGL) Assistant-powered Home and Amazon’s (AMZN) Alexa-powered Echo.

The HomePod is easily the best sounding of the group, but I wanted to know how smart they are. So I asked each one seven basic questions ranging from the weather conditions in my area to why my cats meow, and gave them three commands to find out which should apply for a Mensa membership, and which needs to go back to school.

Which one of these speakers gets no respect? (image: © 1986 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. All Rights Reserved.)

I also added in how many devices each speaker works with and whether you can use the smartphone of your choice with them.

First: the intelligence test!

The intelligence test

Google’s Home graduates with honors in this test.

Below are the seven questions and three commands I presented and my findings.

What’s the weather like? This is the most commonly asked question for smart speakers, so it makes sense that each device was able to provide the weather conditions for New York. Apple HomePod, however, also tells you the source of its weather report, The Weather Channel, which feels unnecessary. 

What’s on my calendar? Want to check what appointments you’ve got coming up today? Well, if you’ve got the HomePod, you’re out of luck. Apple’s Siri replies with a negative. For whatever reason, the smart assistant can’t access your appointments, so you’ll have to manually check on your phone. Google Home and Amazon Echo can both check your calendar and add appointments. 

How long will it take to get to work/ home? Running behind in the morning and want to know if you’ll get to the office on time? Well, if you ask your HomePod, Siri will give you an estimate for your commute via car, but not by mass transit. The Echo will also give you an estimate via your car, but you have to specifically ask, “What does my commute look like?,” instead of asking something like “How long will it take to get to work?” It also won’t give you mass transit travel time estimates. Google Home will give you both driving and mass transit options. 

Can you get me an Uber? Heading out to the bar with friends and plan to have a few drinks? You can try to ask Apple HomePod to call you an Uber, but unlike its counterpart, the iPhone, Siri on the HomePod can’t call you a car. Both Google Home and Amazon Echo can get you an Uber and to the bar with ease. 

Why do cats meow? This might not be a common question, but it’s something I’ve wanted to know since I got my two cats. The HomePod, however, left my fluffy friends and I in the dark. The Echo gave me a detailed explanation on the topic, while Google Home gave me an even more detailed answer and cited the source it pulled the information from. Unlike the weather question, for which HomePod provides its source, it makes sense for Google Home to provide you with a source so you can do more research on your own. 

Where is my phone? Think you’ve lost your phone between your couch cushions, but still can’t find it? You can ask your HomePod, but don’t expect Siri to help you find your precious handset. The Echo’s Alexa will tell you to download an app to find your device and walk you through the setup process. Google, meanwhile, will call your iPhone or ring your Android phone.

How is the stock market? Say you’re doing the dishes, but still want to check how your stocks performed for the day. The HomePod’s Siri tells you exactly how the Dow Jones Industrial Average, S&P 500 and Nasdaq performed by points and percentage, while the Echo’s Alexa tells you how the DJI, Nasdaq and S&P performed by points and percentage. Google Home, meanwhile, provides the DJI, the NYSE Composite, and S&P 500. Strangely, the Google Home told me the S&P was down the day I tested it, when the index was actually up, but the closing numbers were correct.

Play music on Spotify. Want to pump up the jam on Spotify with your HomePod? Then I’ve got bad news for you, because Apple’s speaker can only stream music from Apple Music. The Echo and Home can stream from multiple music sources including Spotify.

Add dog food to my shopping list. Need to get some food for Fido? You can ask HomePod, Echo and Home to add some savory treats for your doggo to your smartphone’s shopping list. It’s quick, easy and painless all around.

Set an alarm. Have to get up for work in the morning, but already in your comfy bed? No worries, the HomePod, Echo and Home all let you set your alarm using nothing but your voice. So you can stay safe and warm under your blankets.

Winner:

Amazon Echo and Google Home tie for intelligence, addressing all of the questions asked and commands given. Apple HomePod, however, was only able to complete half of the intelligence test.

Compatibility

Amazon Echo has all of the answers in this competition.

If you’re buying a smart home speaker, you likely want it to work with your existing smart home products. I’m talking about your smart thermostat, smart coffee maker, smart… blender? Whatever it is, you want your new speaker to work with it. So how do these three stack up?

Amazon Echo is compatible with the most devices on the market. The e-commerce giant says its Alexa smart assistant can communicate with 4,000 different smart gadgets in your home. Google says the Home’s Google Assistant can talk to 1,500 devices, a significantly smaller number than Amazon’s offering. Then there’s the HomePod and its Siri, which works with “hundreds” of accessories.

As far as your own smartphone, the Echo and Home work with both Android and iOS devices. The HomePod, however, will only work with iOS devices. So if you’re an Android owner, the HomePod isn’t for you.

Winner:

Amazon Echo is compatible with Android and iOS, and can communicate with the most smart home devices. That means it takes the top spot in compatibility.

The smartest one in the room

Amazon Echo not only completed all of the commands and answered all of my questions, it also offers the greatest compatibility with other smart home devices. Of the three big smart speakers on the market, Amazon Echo clearly has the biggest brains. Google Home comes in a close second. Sure, it matched Echo in the intelligence test, but it just isn’t compatible with as many devices to beat out Amazon’s offering.

Then there’s the Apple HomePod, which is, well… let’s just say it’s not too bright. The speaker was only able to successfully complete half of the intelligence test and supports the fewest number of smart home devices. So if you’re looking for the smartest speaker around, go for the Amazon Echo.

More from Dan:

8 must-have toys from New York Toy Fair 2018

What to do when you’re hacked

Hackers are using victims’ computers to mine cryptocurrencies

Nvidia is scrambling to graphics cards to gamers amid crypto boom

Email Daniel Howley at dhowley@yahoo-inc.com; follow him on Twitter at @DanielHowley.

Follow Yahoo Finance on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and LinkedIn