#i just feel so Wrong and ugh
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i actually all of society to just stop for the week i’m on my period im being so serious rn i can’t do this
#i am just one small and lonely girl with adulting on her shoulders#got home from the first half of my shift and just!? feel like crying?? and idk what’s going on??#i just feel like i made so many decisions today and im trying to make so many things happen#and i just feel so exhausted and i hate doing this#I DONT KNOW WHY IM CRYING#i’m gonna ruin my makeup !!!#i just feel so Wrong and ugh#I WAS FINE 30 MIN AGO#i just wish i had someone to do this with or talk to idk i hate doing this all by myself
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remember how in dao there were always like multiple flirty options u could just spring on ur love interest and it wasn't something that was brushed past it would stop a conversation dead in its tracks to have a cute secondary flirty offshoot with small variations dependent on the flirty option u initially chose with a unique course correction to get back on topic after...... yeah.
#sorry i'm about to be a hater#romance in datv is like. a vaguely flirty line met by an even vaguer response that has no impact on the conversation#in the beginning at least#only once your relationship is like 6 or 7 does it get a little more receptive#and the whole time it's like okay i completed a main quest. time to talk to the love interest. okay i did another main quest. time to talk#to the love interest. BC YOU CAN'T TALK TO THEM OUTSIDE OF DESIGNATED CUTSCENES. U CAN'T HAVE RANDOM CONVERSATIONS#A LA HAVE YOU EVER LICKED A LAMPPOST IN WINTER!!! THAT IS SO LAME!!!!!!!! SO COOKIE CUT!!!!!!!!!#there's so few references to your relationship at all really. the romance cutscenes could be removed and u would never know they're in love#the romance doesn't exist outside of designated cutscenes. you can't choose to randomly flirt you must wait for The Cutscenes because#there's only one way to romance everybody. even dai was better with this imo even though the formula is similar#partly bc u can get to know everyone outside of exclusive cutscenes?? you can just approach them at anytime and get to know them?? and find#a chance to flirt?? and there's teeny tiny special romance-specific moments carved out. like the dance after halamshiral for example#and again people TALK about your romance. it's present in the narrative#bioware is so known for their romances but they dropped the ball hard here and i'm sooooooooo disappointed#and actually?? companions barely ever interject during main quests too?? or quests at all?? just as a side note#companions should be voicing their OPINIONSSSSS when i make choices????#davrin should have had so much to say during weisshaupt cutscenes. like what the fuck was that#and why wasn't there a one-on-one conversation discussing his mortality with him beforehand?? would have liked to see that??#relationship growth in this game is purely waiting for the next milestone and it feels so stale and lackluster and upsetting and ugh#the fact that giving your companions gifts strictly results in approval gain and one measly thank you is indicative of everything wrong#anyways.txt#jasmine plays datv#da4 spoilers
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Okay I've witnessed it happening enough in Queer Internet Circles that I think I can confidently say something about it.
Can we PLEASE stop picking arbitrary lgbt+ demographics out of a hat and having entire conversations about how they 'aren't actually queer' and 'taking valuable resources' for the crimes of 'some of them are cringe' or 'some of them are assholes' or 'they have a nebulous privilege over the rest of us so they're the oppressor, actually'.
Like look, some conversations are absolutely worth having. There's a lot of transmasc shitheads who latch on to toxic masculinity or seem to completely forget what it's like to navigate a world that considers you a woman, or completely fail to realize that being transgender yourself doesn't suddenly mean you don't have to examine yourself for internalized transphobia or transmisogyny. And that should be addressed, every community has its issues, no community is a monolith, no demographic is made up of entirely good smart righteous people or evil bad oppressive abusers. Obviously.
But I'm not talking about that!
I'm talking about people bringing up the same tired rhetoric they used when they tried to claim that nonbinary people are clout-chasing attention seekers who will keep cishet society from taking the rest of us seriously, that people used when they decided asexuals were actually cishets who co-opted our movement for their own personal gain, which was recycled from when people tried to claim that bisexuals are het-passing fakers and if a REAL queer has sex with one they'll be left for a cishet because that's what bisexuals do, which is the same as the shit they spewed at whoever the target was before that! It's paranoid nonsense all the way down, people looking for an acceptable target to take their shit out on!
Can we stop doing this, please?? Can we stop picking demographics within our own community that people arbitrarily decide are fine to bully and mock and kick out of the spaces they helped create because you think that they're cringe or that speaking about the issues they face is privileged whining? Can we stop giving bigoted cishets free reign on already vulnerable communities because someone arbitrarily decided that THESE queers are evil and cringe so its okay to make shitty comments and jokes about them? Can we PLEASE stop the cycle in its tracks while we can still see the crosshairs moving onto tranfems and trans women? We can stop this now before it starts getting uglier and deadlier, but we HAVE to be aware and do more than complaining about it online.
#spitblaze says things#and im ESPECIALLY worried because i have an extremely bad feeling that the next target is gonna be transfems and trans women#so KNOCK THAT SHIT OFF! ALL OF YOU!!!#long post#i have been wrong before! i will be wrong again! im not a spokesperson or an authority im just noticing trends#THAT HAVE ME VERY FUCKING CONCERNED#ugh. i feel like i should stop making posts about queer community stuff. i probably should for my mental health#but mostly it feels like i dont have any place to talk. unsure if thats true or anxiety brainworms but.#its never brought me anything except frustration and anguish anyway so. dont expect more original posts on the subject
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deeply glad that Anthony and Kate fucked off to do their thing and weren't their for Lady Whistledown reveal because if they'd been their the show runners would have also made them react in a way that is so Out of Character for the sake of whitewashing Penelope and getting their unearned pay off and it's fr so unrealistic that she wrote the nastiest shit about everyone and was not shunned 😭😭😭 like what happened to stakes and consequences
#like loves peneloise down bad in s1 and s2 and was looking forward to their reconciliation but it also felt so rushed and unearned#like the writing was saur bad this season#anthony bridgerton#kate bridgerton#anti penelope featherington#anti polin#the writers should have tried on redemption arc route for Pen instead of acting like she did no wrong & every1 else is just overreacting#not a pen hater but the way most of her fans paint her as a saint pisses me off so much#this season could have been good but everything feels like a downgrade from last two seasons#from costuming to makeup to cinematography to the quality of writing#like dont get me started when subplots didnt get their ending and were left hanging#ugh i have so many thoughts#kanthony#bridgerton season 3#💭
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THEYRE NOT gonna reprint the books...
they're reprinting the damaged ones but apparently it's TOTALLY matte so. whatever... sorry if the texture being a bit different is bothersome...
#Im so sorry#this is so frustrating...#they feel extremely different to me#but APPARENLTY its a 'natural variance in the laminate'#like. wrong. I HAVE soft touch books#and it feels like those.#it's not matte..#but it would be 3000 dollars to reprint with matte#so.#we're taking it#sorry#I really hope this is okay#ugh and I already told everyone that this was happening#if I hadnt said anything no one would NOTICE#ITS JUST ME AND MY WEIRD TEXTURE STUFF#book saga
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random thought, but what if this was also apart of apology tour? and that this is just stolas telling his version of what went down as he’s singing?
#helluva boss#stolitz#it could very well just be blitz’s perspective tho#the thought just came to me because of stolas’ expression during the sequence?#i feel like if this was blitz’s version of the events stolas wouldn’t have looked so /sullen/ about it?#like we know that for stolas this was a very difficult but very necessary decision#and if what people were saying about him portaling blitz out of the palace were true#then he might not have witnessed how blitz truly reacted?#and that he filled in the blanks#and to him blitz was angry about it and ‘stomped away’#but then again blitz’s ‘heart’ breaks so fbdksk#ugh gosh i hope i’m wrong#mine
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okay im still on my rat grinders/kipperlilly redemption arc bullshit tho. like, jace and porter have been evil since freshman year, they targeted those kids, manipulated them and promised them easy leveling.
plus, brennan makes it very clear that the rat grinders only became obsessed with revenge after they were brought back wrong. when the bad kids find jace's texts about not antagonizing them, brennan makes it clear that all those texts came after spring break.
my question is: did the rat grinders know they'd be killed? did they agree to it? ruben, in his puka shell necklace, was scared when he went to the clearing. when he went to his death. they've essentially formed a cult dedicated to their teacher who has heretical goddamn aspirations. how high control is the group? who's the leader among the rat grinders themselves? i still have so many questionssss
#look. the rat grinders evil plan being so incredibly complicated and dramatic has only made me love them more ngl#like you give me??? noted jason todd apologist a came back wrong narrative?? and i am going to go insane about it#this last episode..... ough#like are the rat grinders to some extent looking for revenge because oisin had a connection to kalvaxus?#did oisin notice manipulate kipperlilly's outlook on the situation because she already thought things were unfair#like no no we don't hate them because they killed the friend of my great great great grandma#we hate them because they had an unfair advantage in that fight?#ugh i don't knowwww but specifically ivy and oisin feel like shit stirrers to me at this point#i just. NEED to know their dynamics#it feels like kipperlilly's 'in charge' but oisin and ivy are pulling the strings#rat grinders#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high junior year#kipperlilly copperkettle#oisin hakinvar#ruben hopclap
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someone saved my fic "slipping mask" as a bookmark noting that they're all out of character and now i never want to publish anything ever again 🤠
#idk it feels extremely weird#like i spent sooo many hours writing that one#and you save it as a bookmark just bashing it?#like it's not even constructive either so it can help me get better for the future lmao#personal#ao3 bookmarks#sorry i didn't know you were the batman expert!!!!#and ofc they don't have any published fanfics of their own#like you do it better yourself then :)#:))))))))#IT REALLY RUBBED ME THE WRONG WAY#no but i'm certainly not considering deleting my whole profile and just posting on tumblr instead for the future#def not#totally not#im not dramatic#i know bookmarks are “the readers space” but if you're going to be rude then set it to private lol#it just hits so much harder because that is like one of my main struggles as well#what i'm always worried about when i write#and then having them point it out :(#ugh
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side eyeing people who ship dany and robb (or really any other non canon ship) but draws the line at aegon the third and jaehaera?? acting like an alt universe and a rarepair are gonna kill them
#don’t get me wrong i LOVE dany x robb#but its just interesting to see how people treat actual made up ships with a canon one#like yeah aegon and jaehaera barely have any content and probably didn’t care about eachother#but its fun to imagine elsewise!!#also the hatred towards the artist is absolutely disgusting#like i’d understand if they did anything problematic but they just made some fanart for side characters#so sad they left because i wanted to see what they’d cook up with visenya and daenera#daenaera velaryon#sorry misspelled it and didn’t want to retype it#ALSO wtf is it with people pitting jaehaera againdt daenaera??#like they literally could’ve been besties in this au or something#i feel like aegon and jaehaera both could’ve benefited from her friendship yk#ugh this fandom can be so annoying#especially team black….#aegon iii targaryen#aegon iii x jaehaera#jaehaera targaryen#fire and blood#house of the dragon#hotd#f&b
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Persona 5 Royal Crossover events stop calling Sumire, "Kasumi" challenge (Impossible). 😮💨😭
#starchild rambles#minor rant#and yes it's about the IDV Crossover skin for her#don't get me wrong I love it and I'm gonna try and get it 'cause it's a freebie for participating in the event#but UGH#i'm so tired of it#sorry I just get a little miffed whenever crossover events use that name.#Back when the game just came out it was fair along with the Tactica DLC but it's been a while now#let her be her actual self dammit!#idk it can feel tone deaf sometimes when it probably wasn't intentional on the devs' end so I'm not super sure#persona 5#p5#persona 5 royal#p5r#p5r spoilers#sumire yoshizawa#kasumi yoshizawa
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why do i love the conflict more than anything else . the misery . the incompatibility that spreads like oil slick . wanting so desperately for resolution that never comes . hmmm
#its the allure of like . mismatch btwn right person / wrong time . maybe in personal development and such#or wrong person / right time and trying 2 make it work but the circumstances are set 2 separate you#i think the guilt ford harbors over his relationship w fidds is good and i think hes had a lot of reflection . 30 yrs at least#but i dont rly care for like a . HELPP SRY IM LIKE talking to myself#i dont rly care ‘if’ they got back tgether in the end#fanon wise or whagever obviouslyy . no avrually emma-may kicking fidds out over the xmas thing its over HELPPPP#i feel like i always hve to clarify bc then theres that one guy whos like ‘smth smth you cant read . ooc loser .’idgaf . not gaffing today#i think mcguckets decision to forgive him is rly sweet And i do like the recognition of .. the whole incident being a misstep on both their#parts ykwim ? like ford was an ass for sureee but also mcgucket + memory gun was his own autonomous detriment#but#no i cant read the other tags i was writing i forgot where i was at#anyways im so obsessed w like . this being such an imperfect event with imperfect equals#ford theory and fidds the mechanics . which brw im also obsessed w how That is revered in canon .#but yeah like imperfect event imperfect people who shared an incredible connecfion in my freaking mind#that was ultimately squandered to fords pride and fidds reticence#ugh like i love the rise and fall i love the strenght of their connection generally corroding over time#its just such a cool motivator for both themselves and like its a history they share together and post weirdmageddon get to finally think a#knowing now what they didnt have the tools to recognize then#idk.^__^ they r so crazy to me . playing w them like dolls in my head#fiddleford mcgucket#stanford pines#gravity falls#every time i think ab this wrt every challeneged dynamic i think ab mars in the discord#talking ab x and y charas epic divorce arc#and im not even saying this to discredit Good relationships in media#bc those have a wealth of fun and interesting concepts or dynamics to dive into#its just something ab like . poetry of anger bro . and how love and hate can feel so similar and be borne from the same place#how one can transform into the other and back again due to . idk whatevee the hell theyve got going on^#prev post got me wishing we had more meat to the fallout#or that it was extended in content or scope . i want 2 see how they dealt with losing the other and then
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thinking about Jevin and xB and how they both bully Hypno, and, in the context of ships, interpreting it kinda as… Jevin is mean to Hypno because he has romantic feelings for him, kinda like the stereotype of “he’s bullying you because he likes you and has a crush on you” in school children. Meanwhile, xB is mean to Hypno because it’s funny, and any romantic feelings he has are purely coincidental. Is this making sense
#posts inspired by in jevin’s episode: etho suggesting something smart and jevin accidentally going “wow hypno’s so smart” LOL#technically because hypno was in his chat at the same time. BUT. i think its funnier if c!jevin just assumes anything cool is hypno’s doing#a subconscious bias that goes into everything. saying “ugh hypno smells” but secretly believing hypno is handsome smart funny etc#also: don’t get me wrong i think hypno and xb bullying each other is a way of displaying affection for them. but it isn’t xb#trying to respond to his own internal feelings. hypno is just bulliable#on a serious note the “he bullies you because he likes you” concept annoys me a lot irl as an autistic person who was bullied#i think people just bullied me because I was the nearest “weird” kid and they were unhappy with their lives so wanted some control#BUT in fiction + where its more of a mutual teasing where nobody is too upset. love that trope#hermitshipping#hermitshipblr#hypnotizd#xbcrafted#ijevin#jevno#hypxb#hhf#these aren’t the only hypno ships i have but they’re the two most common for him and the ones that fit the point i was trying to make
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you know as a neurodivergent person I only have two fucking requests of anyone I consider a friend: 1) do not cold shoulder or get aggressively angry with me for something you didn't bother to communicate you had a problem with and 2) do not fucking infantalize me and treat me like a naive fragile broken child who is a burden on everyone in my life. shouldn't be too hard right??? insane how many neurotypicals are fucking incapable of doing the bare fucking minimum
#literally the only prerequisites i have for someone to be my friend#like if I love you legitimately everything else is a non issue. it doesn't even occur to me to get mad#and it's not even in a “sigh i will look past this for you” way. genuinely there's very little you can do to bother me if you're my friend#ill just assume you had good intentions#because i trust that you wouldn't intentionally hurt me if you're my friend so getting angry is pointless#but i genuinely don't know how to handle it when people i care about get mad at me. it scares the shit out of me#ugh i can't explain what i mean#but god some people really just don't give a shit once they dont need me anymore huh#it's the way they go out of their way to make me feel like a helpless 13 year old who can't do anything right again#vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com#i swear if you manage to lose ME as a friend 9 times out of 10 there's smth seriously wrong with you#because i virtually have no standards and will put up with everything#and am the person who cares too much in almost every relationship in my life
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Regarding previous post about disco horse: I really appreciate that everyone is actually talking for once, but a kind of jab happened on my mental health so I have to step away. It isn't from this post, but the reason is sort of connected
Again, I personally find no problems with the DLC except for how Radahn ship came from nowhere and can justify how that comes. But regardless of how many things anyone else dislikes about the DLC: you are valid to hate it as much as you want, but when you start insulting people who loved/accepted/justified the DLC as "media illiterate fromsoft dickriders who keeps coping even after the honeymoon phase passed" and variation I draw the line. There are many ways where other fans can find reason where you didn't and there is potential in new lore that you won't use. Absurd how some people are still willing to support illusory narrative that Radahn Redditor simps are the "worst" part of the fandom when not even at their most arrogant and annoying they can dream to reach HALF of the toxicity cultish Miquella/Malenia fans have, over the awful crime of having different readings, opinions and priorities.
And yes, I know it is inevitable that Tumblr and Twitter fans WOULD make a moral/intellectual/maturity contest out of how people feel about the DLC (🤡🤡🤡), but it hurts when people I actually don't want to butt heads with who start to approve of this mentality. Like, okay cool. Wallow in your elitist toxic pool of Ledas while we, "pathetic dickriders" go and "cope" somewhere else, hope everyone is more comfortable this way 🤦♂️ I am tired of getting hurt through endless passive aggression and I have my limits. It is just always hurtful to finally rip the bandage, even IF it is to the better. I need a hiatus for a longer time, albeit for a different reason now
#fandomry rambles#personal#/vent#like no anon haters or even harass campaign can really hurt me#it is just people I consider my pals who can#back in april I split with a guy who likewise was miquella fan of a certain kind#and the worst part is that with him it was triggered by the SAME toxic user's antics#stupid how people were trying to gaslight me that they are 'merely sharing their opinions'#when they are clearly cultish freak cultivating toxicity of 'right and wrong' fans based on their HEADCANONS#screw you guys you are way too naive#I just can't accept this#even if I slipped a few times in THREE YEARS SPAN saying mean things abour gehrman haters#ive improved and above all it wasnt consistent but just bad days and reacting at THEIR insults#when someone *consistently* and deliberately mocks every fan that dares to feel differently?#this is just abhorrent and I don't understand people who accept this behavior only because-#-they happen to share headcanons and opinions with the op#there are more important things than agreeing on hcs and opinions! like climate in fandom!#ugh!!!#in any case it is clear what some people REALLY think of me isn't it!!!#now if you don't mind me I'll go 'cope' and elaborate 'shitty miyazakis writing' in my carians headcanons#if I can walk after 'riding fromsofts dick' so much -_-#I swear the worst chadahn stand can say is that you are overthinking because there is no evidence
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#talkys#delete later#(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before#and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party#because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth#from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened#i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result#ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way#and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.
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oof other people doing their selfship is so wholesome and romantic and cute
and im here like,,,, yea they're like two wet cats and it's funny
#ik there isnt a 'wrong' way to selfship#but sometimes i do wonder if i should make it more romantic focus#even tho its super ooc for both of em#like imagine them smiling and calling each other sweetie--#ugh no no no oh god no 💀💀#im not saying they dont care abt each other or that theyre toxic to each other#its just that i feel like slowburn fits them more#love at first sight isnt my fav trope so i cant imagine any of my ships being that rlly#uhh anyway tee hee#ignore these weird insecure rant oops#.txt
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