#i just feel like these songs capture the heartache and the pain but also the love aswell between the two esp what weve seen in s2

[impressionsoflonging]

Desperately in need of an aziracrow edit to Mitski's Pink in the Night or Two Slow Dancers or Once More to See You or I Want You. Quietly sobbing at my inability to make them a reality myself.

[kaiser1ns]

#. DIOSA FROM ORQUÍDEAS ꕥ @17020'S EVENT !

featuring 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 ıllı. umemiya hajime, togame jo, endo yamato

fluff. a celebration of self-love, empowerment, and confidence. he's always by your side, as if he's in a trance, spoiling you and always having you on his mind. he is more than willing to worship you like the goddess that you are.

i want to give my special thanks to the person to whom all this is due. amor, thank you for the wonderful opportunity, thank you for being such an amazing person, a real goddess! i hope you and everyone else, writing and reading, will enjoy the orquídeas shared with our favourites ♡

UMEMIYA HAJIME

The world could crumble, and the stars could fall from the sky, yet Umemiya Hajime would remain on his feet with a smile on his face and a bouquet in his hand. He'd walk through fire for you, dive into the deepest depths of the ocean, conquer every mountain, plant every seed, just to see his love grow and grow more for you. His eyes will never lose that warm flame, that spark, that burns only for you. You feel it in every glance, every whispered word and every touch. It's almost overwhelming, the intensity of his adoration, but you revel in it. You bask in the warmth of his affection, knowing that you are the center of his universe.

Hajime knows you better than you know yourself. He has memorized the way your eyes light up when you talk about your dreams and the subtle change in your voice when you speak of things that matter most to you. He knows what brings a smile to your face—a particular song, the scent of your favorite flowers, the quiet moments shared in the garden of Eden. He also understands what brings tears to your eyes, the memories that haunt you, and the fears that sometimes creep into your heart. But most importantly, he knows what makes you feel loved, cherished, and adored.

It might be daunting for some, the way he is always attuned to your every need, but for you, it's a comfort. You find joy in his attentiveness, in the way he anticipates your desires before you even voice them. His friends often tease him about how he spends all his time thinking of you, and how he seems to have little room for anything else in his life. But you find it amusing, a proof of the depth of his feelings. They don't understand the bond you share, the unspoken connection that ties your souls together.

You are used to getting what you want. The universe seems to have a way of bending to your will, of aligning itself with your desires. And in Umemiya Hajime, the universe has given you the greatest gift of all. He is the embodiment of love, the very essence of devotion. To you, he is more than a man; he is a force of nature, a manifestation of your deepest dreams and wishes.

Hajime treats you like a goddess, showering you with the kind of love that poets write about and artists strive to capture in their work. You see it in his eyes, a reverence that makes you feel like the most precious being in existence. He is your most fervent admirer. And you, in turn, are his goddess of love, the divine presence that completes him, inspires him and fuels his every action.

“You deserve the world, and I will spend my life giving it to you.”

You've faced heartache and pain in your life, moments that have left scars on your heart. But he has shown you what true love is. He has healed those wounds with his unwavering care, replacing sorrow with joy, and fear with security. With him, you feel safe, cherished, and above all, loved. His love is a salve, a gentle touch that soothes and mends, making you whole again.

Your belief in the law of attraction has never been stronger. You understand now that confidence and a strong sense of self can indeed bring about the desires of your heart. Hajime is living proof of this. With him, you feel empowered, as if the universe itself is conspiring to make your every dream come true.

Every moment with him is a treasure, a precious gem that you hold close to your heart. His love is a melody, a sweet, lingering tune that plays in the background of your life, making everything more beautiful, and more vibrant. You savor the way he looks at you, the way he holds you, the way he whispers your name with such tenderness. It's as if he has unlocked a part of you that you never knew existed, a part that is capable of experiencing the kind of love that transcends time and space.

As you rest your head against his chest, you think about how fortunate you are and how the universe, in its infinite wisdom, has brought you together, intertwining your fates in a dance of love and devotion. And as you gaze into Hajime's eyes, you know with absolute certainty that this is where you are meant to be — you have found your soulmate, your partner, your forever.

TOGAME JO

In his presence, you feel like you're dancing on clouds, weightless and free. The worries of the world dissolve as he takes your hand, pulling you closer. You gaze into his eyes, finding yourself reflected in their depths, and you know that he holds your heart in his hands.

Togame Jo’s love is like a long, beautiful dream, one that you never want to wake from. He tried to play it cool at first, but your presence ignites something within him. You’re so hot, so captivating, that he melts the moment he lays eyes on you. His smile, once reserved and composed, now breaks free with a joy that matches the intensity of his feelings.

You feel his heartbeat in the silence, a steady, rhythmic pulse that syncs with your own. The room fades away, leaving just the two of you in a moment of pure bliss. His wish was granted the moment he found you; the goddess he dreamt of is now in his arms, granting him the greatest gift of all – your love.

He whispers sweet nothings into your ear, his breath warm against your skin. You close your eyes, savoring the sensation, knowing that nothing can stop this. Nothing could keep you apart. He’s giving you his best, his all, and you accept it with open arms. The goddess within you recognizes his devotion, his unwavering commitment. It’s the least you can do to bless him with your fondness, to hold him close and never let go.

"Look into my heart, you’ll find only love there, love for you."

You know he speaks the truth. His love is evident in every gesture, every touch. There’s no need for him to prove himself, for the sincerity in his eyes says it all. The world seems to pause when he wraps his arms around you, holding you as if to shield you from anything that might come between you.

It wasn’t mere chance that you were brought together. The universe had a hand in it, orchestrating your meeting long before you were even aware. Destiny had plans for the two of you, plans that have unfolded beautifully, leading you to this moment. You, the lonely goddess, have found your true companion in Togame, a man who cherishes you beyond measure.

Heaven itself seems to be smiling down on you, as if acknowledging the perfection of your union. You fell from the stars, and he has caught you every single time, never letting you slip away. The temptation to love and be loved by him is irresistible, a sweet promise of happiness that neither of you can deny. You are captivated by the way he loves you, with a devotion that feels both ancient and new, as if you are discovering each other all over again with every shared moment.

In his heart, there is only purness and awe for the goddess who chose him, the one who made him feel and do things in ways he never thought possible. His entire world revolves around this precious connection, a love that feels as eternal as the stars. As he holds you close, he silently thanks the universe for granting him this unparalleled blessing, knowing that every moment with you is like falling in love all over again.

ENDO YAMATO

Endo Yamato’s eyes always seem to find you first. The moment you step into a room, it’s as if the rest of the world fades away, leaving only the two of you. His gaze is intense yet tender, a silent vow that he’s yours—body, mind, and soul. He doesn’t need to say it; it’s an unspoken truth that’s engraved into every touch, every look, every breath you share.

From the very first moment he met you, he knew his life had changed forever. Before you, everything was simple, predictable, almost painfully dull. He was a prodigy, praised and admired by everyone around him. He excelled in everything he did—whether it was academics or sports—leaving people in awe of his talents. But that admiration felt hollow, devoid of any true emotion. He lived his life on autopilot, going through the motions because that’s what was expected of him. He never understood what it meant to feel until you came into his life.

You were different. You didn’t look at him with the same awe-struck eyes that everyone else did. You saw him as an equal, a person with strengths and flaws, not just a prodigy on a pedestal. And when you smiled at him, it wasn’t because of his accomplishments, but because you saw something in him that no one else did. You saw the real Yamato, the one who had never truly been loved for who he was.

It was at that moment, when you reached out to him, that he realized what he had been missing all his life. Love. True, deep, consuming love. And now, he can’t imagine a life without you. He doesn’t want to. You are his muse, his guiding star, the one who painted his world with colors he never knew existed. 

“ I have fallen for you and I’ll never stop loving you. Not in this life, not in the next.”

Yamato is utterly devoted to you, in a way that transcends mere affection. It’s as if he’s in a trance, completely enchanted by you. He follows you with an almost reverent devotion, always by your side, always ready to do whatever it takes to make you happy. You’re his queen, his goddess, and he’s more than willing to worship you as such. Every glance from you is a command, every smile a reward he strives to earn over and over again.

He never hesitates to spoil you, to shower you with affection and gifts, to do whatever it takes to see that smile on your face. He lives for your happiness, and when you’re pleased, it feels like the world is exactly as it should be. They say you must have enchanted him, that there’s something otherworldly about the way he adores you. But you know the truth. It’s love, pure and simple, a love so deep that it has reshaped his very soul.

And in return, you adore him just as fiercely. You love the way he looks at you as if you’re the center of his universe. You love the way he always knows exactly what you need, what you want. You love how he’s always there, he is someone you can always rely on. With him, you feel cherished, and treasured, as if you are the most important person in the world. And in his eyes, you are.

You can see how he’s grown, how he’s learned to love, to care, to feel, all because of you. You’ve opened his heart, and now it beats only for you. He’s like a butterfly, drawn irresistibly to your sweet scent, caught in the web of your love, and he doesn’t want to escape. He’s fallen for you, completely and irrevocably, and he couldn’t be happier.

He believes he was born to worship you, to be by your side, to love you with everything he has. And you, in turn, have learned to accept his devotion, to revel in it, because you know it’s what you deserve. You are his queen, his goddess, and he will spend the rest of his life proving that he is worthy of you. You are his everything, and he is yours.

It’s not about ego, or power, or control. It’s about love, a love that is deep and true, a love that binds you together in a way that nothing else can. You feel him shudder slightly in your arms, as you pull back just enough to look into his eyes and see tears welling up, but then he relaxes, the tension easing as he lets himself be vulnerable with you. He cries, not out of sadness, but out of pure, unadulterated joy. Еach tear is real, showing how it flows into the deepest oceans of his devotedness, which overflows into the waters of true love.

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[maiochiruhanabiraaa]

GOODBYE ROAD (Pablo Gavi.)

"Goodbye Road" by iKON is a song that reflects on the bittersweet feelings of letting go of a past relationship. The lyrics describe the emotions of longing, regret, and sadness that come with saying goodbye to someone you cared deeply about. The road symbolizes the journey of moving on and accepting the end of the relationship. The song suggests that while parting ways is painful, it may also lead to personal growth and the possibility of finding happiness again in the future.

“Goodbye, if only I knew we'd say goodbye, I wouldn't have loved you this much,” whispered Y/N softly, her voice tinged with regret as she stood before Gavi, the man who had captured her heart so completely.

Their love had been a whirlwind of passion and laughter, but now, faced with the inevitability of parting ways, Y/N couldn't help but wonder if she had given too much of herself. Gavi gazed at her with a mixture of sadness and understanding, his own heart heavy with the impending farewell.

She couldn't help but reflect on the state of her relationship with Gavi, once filled with passion and tenderness, now reduced to a numbness that felt suffocating.

“Because our feelings for each other have become numb,” she acknowledged with a heavy heart, feeling the weight of their emotional distance like a chasm between them. The words they exchanged no longer held the power to stir emotions, as they seemed to navigate their days in a detached rhythm.

“Even emotionally hurting each other doesn't seem to phase us,” Y/N realized sadly, remembering the times when their words had cut deeper than they intended. Their love, once a vibrant flame, had flickered out, leaving behind only the remnants of sentiment that neither knew how to ignite.

“Whatever you do, we've become so nonchalant to each other," she murmured quietly, the resignation in her voice betraying the ache of realizing that familiarity had bred indifference. As Y/N gazed at Gavi, she wondered if they could find a way to rekindle what they once had or if their paths were destined to diverge, leaving their love as a distant memory of what could have been.

Their relationship, once a sanctuary of love and security, now lay in ruins, fractured by doubts and uncertainties that had seeped in unnoticed.

They couldn't shake the feeling of heartache and betrayal that had slowly seeped into their relationship. “Your interest became an obsession,” Y/N admitted quietly, recalling the times when Gavi’s once loving gaze had turned into scrutinizing suspicion. The trust they had painstakingly built together over years had now crumbled like sand slipping through their fingers.

“You were suspicious day and night,” Y/N acknowledged with a heavy heart, the memories of arguments and accusations weighing heavily on their mind. The insecurity and doubt had eroded the foundation of their love, leaving behind shards of broken promises and unspoken regrets. “You'll probably find someone new after we break up,” Y/N whispered sadly, a bitter realization settling in.

Gavi stood there, gazing at Y/N with a heart heavy with regret and longing. The words echoed painfully in his mind as he struggled to make sense of the unraveling of their once beautiful relationship. “I didn't mean to date you just to cry together,” he thought, feeling the sting of tears threatening to surface despite his efforts to hold them back.

They had started out full of hope and promise, sharing dreams and laughter, not foreseeing the tears that would eventually come. “I didn't mean to create memories to be left with pain,” Gavi acknowledged silently, his heart aching with the weight of their fading connection.

Each cherished moment now felt like a distant echo, slipping away into the abyss of forgotten promises. He wished he could rewind time, rewrite their story, and erase the pain that now overshadowed their shared memories. As he looked into Y/N's eyes, Gavi knew that despite the tears and the hurt, a part of him would always cherish the love they once had, even as they faced the inevitable goodbye.

He couldn't shake the feeling of disbelief and sorrow that had settled in his heart.

”I've once again become strangers with someone so easily,” he thought, grappling with the sudden distance that had grown between him and Y/N.

They had been so close, sharing dreams and building a future together, only to find themselves drifting apart like ships in the night.

“I didn't just love you to break up with you,” Gavi admitted softly, his voice filled with regret and longing. He had believed their love was meant to withstand any storm, but now he was faced with the reality of their unraveling bond.

“Getting used to,” he mused sadly, recognizing the painful process of accepting their new reality. Gavi wondered if they could ever find their way back to each other or if their love was destined to remain a bittersweet memory.

“Goodbye,” Y/N whispered softly.

“As we part towards the rough path,” Y/N reflected, feeling the weight of uncertainty and heartache settle upon them. They had shared moments of joy and struggle, but now their paths diverged, leading them towards separate futures.

“After you leave me, I hope you only walk on the path with flowers,” Y/N murmured with a faint smile, wishing Gavi nothing but happiness and serenity in the journey ahead.

Despite the pain of separation, there was a glimmer of hope that each step they took apart would lead them closer to finding peace and fulfillment, even if it meant walking separate paths from now on.

Gavi stood at the crossroads of their relationship, “Be careful as we part our separate lonely ways,” he thought, his heart heavy with the weight of impending separation from Y/N. Their love had once been a beacon of happiness, but now it flickered dimly amidst the shadows of doubt and sorrow.

“Forget all the memories of me as you go,” Gavi whispered to himself, his voice tinged with resignation and a hint of lingering affection. He knew that letting go of their shared moments would be painful, yet necessary for both of their healing.

“Please don't be hurt like the times you were with me,” Gavi whispered softly, his voice tinged with regret. He had never wanted to see her in pain, yet he knew that their time together had left scars that might linger. As he spoke those words, he wished he could undo the moments that had caused her sorrow, wishing instead for her happiness and peace. Gavi’s heart ached with the weight of their shared memories, now etched with the melancholy of their parting. He hoped she would find solace and healing, far from the hurt they had both endured.

Despite the ache in his heart, he knew that parting ways was the only way forward, each step leading them further from what they once were and towards a future where memories of their time together would gradually fade into the distance.

They had shared moments of undeniable happiness, but life's unpredictable turns had led them here, standing on the precipice of goodbye. They felt lost and each step echoing with the pain of letting go.

[silverskye13]

Kinda a random thing that I think that I'd like to see your opinion on. In terms of the Undertale soundtrack Wels has ASGORE vibes where as Helsknight has the vibes of the kickstarter version. The offical is in a higher octave (is that the right word??) and is slightly more fast paced, where the kickerstarter is in a lower octave and is slower paced. They're so so similar yet different. Just like Wels and Helsknight.

Ahaha oh anonnnnn you can't seriously be asking me Undertale related questions for my current favorite blorbos! Haha I don't even like Undertale! And I definitely don't still actively listen to the soundtrack because that's soooooo 2015 haha. I definitely am not in danger of falling back into my brainrot for it at even the slightest provocation whatsoever. Haha. Ha. Haa..............

[I'm allowed to lie, because I am not a knight.]

ANYWAY WHAT A GREAT PICK. Asgore definitely definitely carries their musical vibes. I will say! I would probably choose a little differently.

I would probably give Helsknight Asgore, and I would give Welsknight Heartache.

[a lot a lot a lot of Undertale song rambling under the cut, including songs for the rest of the cast, because I've maybe definitely thought about this before]

So! Why Heartache & Asgore in particular: they capture the same leitmotifs, thus keeping them thematically appropriate for each other. And alongside your idea that Helsknight's song would probably be a little slower, a little more ponderous and heavy than Welsknight's song, I think Asgore and Heartache captures that feeling.

Welsknight with Heartache: Alongside sharing leitmotifs with Asgore, Heartache also has an altogether more uplifting sound. For one thing, there is a longer lead in to the real start of the song, the idea of stalling, or performing. There is a lot of upshifting chords, a lot of cymbals to punctuate the ends of refrains. There is the sense that what is being done is inherently heroic and purposeful. This also pairs pretty well with Toriel's intent with the fight, where the song comes from. She's not here to hurt you. She's here to protect you, and this is the only way she knows how. It reflects Welsknight in the story [though we haven't seen much of him yet] as someone who is performing greatness, but maybe doesn't grasp the grim realities behind picking up a sword. He's protective because a knight is supposed to be, but hasn't hit the painful wall of actually having to protect something that might be doomed, that might take effort and still be lost in the end.

Helsknight with Asgore: Asgore's theme is heavy and ponderous. There is the implication of trumpets and timpani, homage to thunderstorms and marching armies. During the leitmotif it shares with Heartache, there is a heavy beat, like marching feet. It fuels the idea of inevitability, of marching towards a horizon that is unavoidable and necessary. It echoes Asgore's character, someone forced to fight, because in his world, there is no other way. Someone will die and someone will live. This is the way of the world. But there is still heroism there, a bridge that implies a greater good is at stake, if you can only figure out how to reach it.

Tango and Tanguish: Similar to the Hels/Wels special above, I think Tango and Tanguish would also have linked songs, so I pitch "Spear of Justice" for Tango and "Battle Against a True Hero" for Tanguish. Yada yada yada leitmotifs. But! The very fun and interesting thing about the leitmotifs for Undyne's songs in Undertale, is that they also include elements of Waterfall, the song for the area she's found in. In the same way, Tango and Tanguish are our main vectors for viewing both the world, and how the helsmet/hermit relationships work. They are our inherent tie to the world of the story.

Tango with Spear of Justice: Spear of Justice is a very brash, upbeat song, which matches the recklessness of his personality in the story. He is bold in his decisions, and bold in his use of Tanguish. Several times he puts his own physical needs and comforts above the comforts of his double, and recklessly ignores the cautions his other half gives. It's not that he's trying to be cruel, it's that in his world, things don't have nearly so high of stakes. He's allowed to be reckless, and doesn't understand why, because Tanguish is around, he can't. These reckless overtures do, however, cover up a cowardice that the descending repeats of the chorus and the bridge suggest. There is something guarded under the surface of this song, a vulnerability he doesn't admit to -- that by forcing his double to charge forward, he's giving himself an excuse to hide. [in the context of undertale, this song works to set up for you, the player, the idea that Undyne is a fight you can't win in a conventional way. She will chase you down every time you run. It's only when she's forced to be weak, and in that weakened state receive your help, that she realizes maybe she should rethink her actions in pursuing you.]

Tanguish with Battle Against a True Hero: This song is, at the outset, maybe a little strong for our best boy, but hear me out. The lead in to the song is a promise, the soft breath in before a hard and dogged commitment. Much like Asgore, there is a heavy beat to this song, but one that feels almost like an irregular heartbeat or running footsteps. There is a feeling of rush in this song, of heroism because there is no other choice, of dogged determination through hardship, because someone has to endure, and you're alive aren't you? There is also a soft, thoughtful bridge in this song, where everything slows down right before the final push, which is one of Tanguish's strong suits in the story. He is a thinker and a runner, and when he slows down to think, he can really cut to the core of people. This very thoughtful bridge also feels regretful -- no one likes it when the runner, the thinker, the peacekeeper must decide to stand their ground and fight. It means they're the last one able to. [In the context of the game, this song plays during your battle with Undyne the Undying, the darkest timeline, where you are trying to destroy the world, and Undyne is the last hope for monster kind. It is quintessential brick wall, I will stand in your way kind of music, because literally no one else can. If you kill her, you spend the rest of the game trivializing every other boss battle until you get to the final boss and Megalovania plays. Her death scene is the most tragic one you have to go through imo. Sans and his "Papyrus do you want anything?" line be damned. You watch Undyne fall to dust, trying desperately to pull herself together until she can't anymore, saying over and over again it can't be over. She can't have failed. She has to be strong enough. Why, why isn't she strong enough? Always felt like the fandom did her a disservice smh.]

Hi! Are you tired of me picking linked songs yet? Oh whoops too bad.

Dummy! for Martyn and Death by Glamour for Red: Both of these songs are for! Ghosts! Ghosts finding bodies in another place and, in some instances, ghosts using those bodies to start a new life. They also share some musical themes. There are undercurrents in Dummy!, a very jazzy song, that reappear in Death by Glamour as a more pop-rock vibe, so they're harder to hear but still share a musical link.

Martyn with Dummy!: This song is just. Such a fun romp. There's a little jazz, a little chiptune, and a little bit of spite. It has just enough "I'm chill I'm chill don't worry about it" and "It's on sight motherfucker!" to really zest up a song. It feels like the kind of music Martyn could knife fight to, or rant to, and carries that manic, barely contained energy he seems to always take with him. There is a bridge in this one, but the slow beat isn't thoughtful. Instead its the building jaunt into the next part of the song, a drum beat that gets louder and added onto, and it feels relentless in a fun way. The ending phrases almost seem to suggest this whole thing has been a joke, a little shrug off as the character walks away, in the same way Martyn uses jokes and nonchalance to shrug off the danger he projects at people. [In the game, Dummy is seeking revenge over a misunderstanding. It is protecting its cousin, who it thinks you've robbed of a corporeal form, something all ghosts want. It is a spiteful little goober who ambushes you just when you think you're free of a fight with Undyne. It's a bafoonish fight, with a character who says the iconic phrase, "Who needs friends when you have knives!!!" before throwing the only knife it has and ruefully admitting, "Uhm... I'm all out of knives..."]

Red with Death By Glamour: So, I'm gonna be honest, we haven't seen a lot of Red in the story, and we're not going to see too much of him, but I need you to understand, as soon as he hits the arena sand, he becomes as dramatic and over-the-top as his other half in hermitcraft. He isn't a drama king, he's a drama Red King. There's a difference. We won't see a lot of that. What we will see a lot of though, is his steadfast determination to protect the things he thinks are important. Checking in on the various cast members, being undaunted in the face of adversity, and also being the loud supporter of his right hand man. [In Undertale, Death By Glamour is Mettaton's theme, when he finally goes to fight you. Most of his fight is a performance, you're trying to survive while getting people to like you, because Mettaton's idea of saving the world is being entertaining as hell. Later, however, you learn another very interesting and hidden facet of Mettaton's character: he's Alphys's only friend. And while, yes, he is using her to get the body he wants, he is also trying his best to be a good friend, which includes making her the hero of her own narrative, until it grates on his nerves a little too much.]

Evil Beezuma with His Theme: There is something soft and hopeful about EB in RnS. We're still getting to know him, but what we have seen of him so far shows a character who cares very deeply, and who has enacted great change in himself. He's kind to newcomers, believes in hospitality and paying people in kind, and we can only assume if he's stuck by Helsknight this long, its because he's repaying something. He keeps reminding Helsknight he doesn't have to be a one man army, that he needs to remember there are people around him who care, and he sees in Tanguish a vector to remind the knight about that. Maybe he can't fix Helsknight's problems, but Tanguish might, so now Tanguish is one of his people. That's how the Colosseum works after all, we're all links in one big chain, holding each other together. His Theme carries that hopeful aura. It's an orchestral remake of a song whose throughline transcends many character themes and loading screen backgrounds. It's an idea that's deeply important, and it's not until you get to the end of the game that you find out why. EB also, has broken his cycle with his hermit. That's not something we know much about right now, but he represents a hope that is hard to achieve but possible, if we can just figure out how. [His Theme in Undertale appears at the end of the Asriel Dreamurr fight, when we're carding through flashbacks of Asriel as a child, and finding out just what exactly his deal is. We realize the reason his theme is in so much of the game is because he and his sibling are the reason the world is the way that it is right now. They were the last hope, and they failed. Now, maybe you can help them succeed, finally, after all the heartbreak their loss caused.]

The Demon with Your Best Nightmare MEGALOVANIA: wait waIT WAIT COME BACK HEAR ME OUT. We all know megalovania. We all know why it got so popular. We all know it probably fueled half of Sans's meteoric rise to Tumblr Sexyman status. But just, hear me out here, lets pretend for a second Megalovania hasn't become the meme of the century and really break down what it's got going on. Megalovania is, at its core, a fight song. This isn't even its first iteration. Toby Fox has used this song in just about every major project he's worked on -- for good reason. It's a heavy hitting song. There is a feeling of vindictiveness in this version specifically, the idea of someone very strong, and very angry, and very ruthless. The guitar riffs, the minor key, the many stair-step drops, make the song feel like a descent. You're going down, literally, musically, relentlessly. The song feels like dodging bullets, like you're sitting on a knife edge, and like the unpredictability of it might be the death of you. Similarly, the Demon is a dark, vindictive, almost one-note character. He probably has depth, he probably has a reason to be the way that he is, but it doesn't really matter to the characters in the plot. What matters is he's a known dangerous and vindictive person. Our first introduction to him as an idea, is the knowledge that not only does he kill thieves, he pursues them, makes their lives a living hell. And now, one of the main characters owes him a favor. [So, one thing I always thought was kind of underplayed with Sans, was just how vindictive of a character he was. For good reason -- if you get to his fight, you've done a lot of shit. You went out of your way to be evil, as evil as someone can be in a fictional world. And Sans, a character who's seen a short peak behind the curtain, even admits to you that he's pretty sure nothing matters and he shouldn't be here fighting you. So... why is he? He keeps insisting throughout his fight that this is pointless. You're going to win someday, sometime. He's just making it harder for you. But he's still here, still making you replay his fight a thousand times, for hours and hours. There's something to be said about deciding, in your final moments at the end of the world, that the only thing you think is worth doing, is making someone else's life a living hell. Even someone who deserves it.]

[helenhenny66]

Exclusive Interview with L-Velvet

We had the privilege of sitting down with L-Velvet, the R&B alter ego of Leonardo, the leader of the Mad Dogs. In an intimate setting, L-Velvet shared with us his inspirations, creative process, and the stories behind his soulful hits.

Q1: L-Velvet, congratulations on your latest album "Pain and Heartache"! How does it feel to have your music resonating with so many fans?

L-Velvet: Ah, man, it's an incredible feeling. I put my heart and soul into every track, and to see people connecting with it on a deep level is truly humbling. I'm just grateful that my music can be a soundtrack to people's experiences, you know?

Q2: Your music often explores themes of heartbreak and relationships gone wrong. What draws you to those topics?

L-Velvet: For me, it's all about authenticity. I've been through my fair share of struggles, and I know what it's like to feel like you're stuck in a dark place. I want my music to be a reflection of that, to let people know they're not alone in their struggles. It's therapeutic for me, too – getting those emotions out in song form helps me process and heal.

Q3: "Don't Make Me Wait" is one of your most popular tracks. Can you tell us the story behind that song?

L-Velvet: Yeah... "Don't Make Me Wait" is a very personal song. It was written during a particularly tough time in my life. I had just gone through a breakup, and I was feeling lost and alone. I remember being in the sewers, surrounded by darkness, and just pouring my heart out onto the page. The song is about the pain of waiting for someone to come back to you, knowing that they're never gonna come back. It's about the longing, the yearning, and the eventual acceptance that it's over. When I wrote that song, I was crying, I was screaming, I was hurting... but in the end, it was cathartic. It was my way of taking control of my emotions and channeling them into something positive.

Q4: Your vocal style has been compared to some of the great R&B legends. Who are some of your biggest influences?

L-Velvet: Man, I'm all about the classics! Brian McKnight, Tyrese, Ginuwine – those guys are the real deal. I grew up listening to their music, studying their techniques, and trying to absorb as much as I could. But I'm also influenced by the likes of Anthony Hamilton, Ray J, R. Kelly, Lyfe Jennings, and Sammie – those guys know how to bring the soul.

Q5: As L-Velvet, you've developed a distinct persona that's both charismatic and mysterious. How do you separate that from your life as Leo, the ninja turtle

L-Velvet: (laughs) That's a great question! For me, L-Velvet is like a character, a persona I can tap into when I'm in the studio or on stage. It's a way for me to express myself creatively without being confined by the expectations that come with being a ninja turtle. Leo and L-Velvet are two different entities, but they both share a passion for music and a desire to connect with others.

Q6: Your R&B albums often feature sultry, atmospheric production. Can you walk us through your creative process when it comes to crafting a track?

L-Velvet: Oh, man, it's all about the vibe. I'll usually start with a beat or a melody that sparks something in me. Then I'll start humming or freestyling over it, seeing where the music takes me. Sometimes it's a slow burn, other times it's like the floodgates open and the song just pours out. I'm all about capturing that emotional intensity and honesty in my music.

Q7: You've mentioned that your music is a form of therapy for you. Can you elaborate on that?

L-Velvet: Yeah, for sure. When I'm writing, I'm not thinking about hits or sales – I'm thinking about getting this stuff off my chest. It's a release, you know? When I'm on stage, performing, it's like I'm sharing my diary with the audience. It's a connection that's hard to explain, but it's real, and it's necessary for me.

Q8: How do you balance your life as a ninja turtle with your music career?

L-Velvet: (laughs) It's a juggling act, for sure! But music is my passion, and fighting crime is my duty. I've learned to prioritize and make time for both. When I'm not battling the Foot Clan, I'm in the studio, working on new material.

Q9: Your stage name, L-Velvet, is intriguing. What's the story behind it?

L-Velvet: Ah, yeah! So, when I was trying to come up with a stage name, I wanted something that reflected my personality and music style. I was messing around with different combinations, and "L-Velvet" stuck. The "L" is for Leonardo, and "Velvet" represents the smooth, soulful sound I'm going for. Plus, it sounds cool, right?

Q10: What's next for L-Velvet? Any upcoming projects we should know about?

L-Velvet: Yeah, I've got a few irons in the fire, so to speak. I'm working on a new album, which I'm really excited about. The sound is evolving, and I think fans are gonna love it.

Q11: Your fans love how open and honest you are on social media. How important is it for you to connect with them directly?

L-Velvet: Man, it's everything. I want my fans to know that I'm real, that I'm human, and that I'm going through the same struggles they are. Social media is a way for me to break down that fourth wall and be more than just a persona or an image. It's a way for me to be L-Velvet, the person, not just the performer.

Q12: You've had an incredible run of success, but what drives you to keep pushing the boundaries of your music?

L-Velvet: For me, it's about the art. I'm always looking for ways to grow, to experiment, and to innovate. I want my music to be a reflection of where I am in life, and I want to keep surprising my fans. If I'm not pushing myself creatively, then I'm not doing my job.

Q13: Your music often touches on themes of heartbreak and longing. What drives your creative process when writing about these emotions?

L-Velvet: I believe that vulnerability is key to creating authentic music. When I'm writing, I tap into my own emotions, memories, and experiences. I ask myself, "What would I want to say to that special someone if I had the chance?" or "How would I express the pain of losing someone I love?" Those honest emotions are what fuel my creativity.

Q14: How do your brothers react to your music career? Do they offer any advice or support?

L-Velvet: Oh, my brothers are my biggest fans! They've been incredibly supportive from day one. Raph is always giving me constructive criticism, which I appreciate. Mikey is my biggest cheerleader – he's always dancing to my songs and spreading the word. And Donnie is my go-to guy for technical advice; he's always helping me with production and mixing. They're my rock, and I'm grateful to have them in my corner.

Q15: What's the most challenging part of being a ninja turtle with a music career?

L-Velvet: (laughs) Definitely the scheduling! Balancing ninja training, fighting crime, and touring can be a logistical nightmare. But it's worth it in the end.

Q16: Can you share a memorable fan encounter or story?

L-Velvet: Oh, there have been so many! But one that stands out is when I met a fan who had been going through a tough time. She told me that my song "Don't Make Me Wait" had helped her through a breakup and gave her the courage to move on. Moments like those make everything worth it.

Q17: What's the best advice you've received in your music career?

L-Velvet: Ah, man, it was from my pops, Splinter. He told me, "Blue, the music is in your heart, trust it." That's the best advice I've ever received. It's about trusting myself, trusting my art.

Q18: Finally, what's the message you want to leave with your fans?

L-Velvet: I wanna leave them with a sense of hope, of perseverance. I want them to know that, no matter what they're going through, they're not alone. My music is a reflection of my own struggles, my own triumphs. And, if they can relate, if they can feel something, then I've done my job.

[keepalivebollywood]

Unraveling the Emotions: A Deep Dive into Bollywood`s Heartbreak Anthems

Welcome to a melodious journey through the heart-wrenching realms of Bollywood’s soul-stirring ballads! Brace yourself as we embark on an enchanting expedition into the world of emotions and unravel the hidden depths behind Bollywood’s heartbreak anthems. From tear-soaked lyrics to haunting melodies, these songs have been etching themselves into our souls for decades, capturing the essence of human pain like no other. So grab your tissues and prepare to dive deep into a sea of love lost, as we decode the magic that lies within these timeless classics.

Introduction to Bollywood Heartbreak Anthems

When it comes to heartbreak, Bollywood knows how to capture all the feels. From the initial pain of betrayal to the eventual acceptance of moving on, every stage of a breakup is soundtracked by some of the most memorable songs in Hindi cinema. Join us as we take a deep dive into the emotions of heartbreak with some of Bollywood’s most iconic breakup anthems.

From Lata Mangeshkar’s “Tere Bina Jindegi Se koi ” to Alka Yagnik’s “Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aayi”, there are plenty of timeless classics that perfectly capture the heartache and pain of a broken relationship. But there are also more recent hits like Arijit Singh’s “Hamari Adhuri Kahani ” and Shreya Ghoshal’s “Sunn Raha Hai Na Tu” that have become instant breakup anthems in their own right. No matter what your taste in music is, there’s sure to be a Bollywood heartbreak anthem that resonates with you.

So put on your headphones, pour yourself a glass of wine, and let these songs help you through whatever stage of heartbreak you’re currently going through. We promise, you’re not alone.

Exploring the Different Emotions Reflected in Bollywood Songs

There’s something about a heartbreak anthem that just gets us. They make us feel seen, understood, and most importantly, not alone. From the eternal classics to more modern hits, Bollywood has always had a way of speaking to our hearts and reflecting the different emotions we experience when going through a break-up.

Whether it’s the pain of unrequited love, the feeling of betrayal, or simply the sadness that comes with saying goodbye, there’s a Bollywood song for every type of heartbreak. And while they might not always offer up the best advice on how to deal with a break-up, they definitely give us comfort in knowing that we’re not alone in our feelings.

So, next time you’re feeling down about a break-up, put on one of these songs and let yourself feel all the feels. Trust us, it’ll make you feel better.

Analyzing the Lyrics of Popular Heartbreak Anthems

When it comes to heartbreak anthems, there are few things more cathartic than belting out a tune with all your might. Whether you’re wallowing in your sorrows or trying to move on, these songs always seem to hit the spot. But what is it about these popular tunes that make them so relatable?

Let’s take a look at the lyrics of some of Bollywood’s most popular heartbreak anthems and see what we can learn about the emotions involved in a break-up.

“Tum Hi Ho” by Arijit Singh

This song is all about the pain of losing someone you love. The lyrics talk about how the singer is struggling to get through each day without their loved one by their side. There is a sense of desperation and hopelessness in the singer’s voice as they try to hold on to any memories they have of their time together.

“Tum Hi Ho” Translation: Only You Are There, In My Heart I am trying, every day, without you living each moment, for you (only for you) my heart beats.. only for you.. my life is only for you..

“Tum Hi Ho” Lyrics Meaning: The lyrics of this song are quite self-explanatory. The singer is pining for their lost love and trying to find ways to cope with their absence. The chorus talks about how the singer would be nothing

Examining How Music Influences Our Emotional Health

In India, film music is an integral part of the movie-watching experience. The songs often play a pivotal role in furthering the plot and driving the emotions of the characters on screen. And while we may not always be conscious of it, the music in these films often has a profound impact on our own emotions as well.

For many of us, Bollywood heartbreak anthems have become the soundtrack to our own personal breakups and heartaches. These songs perfectly capture the pain and anguish of a broken heart, and they can often help us to process and deal with our own emotions

Interestingly, research has shown that listening to sad music can actually be beneficial for our emotional health. Studies have found that listening to sad music can lead to increased feelings of empathy and compassion, as well as decreased levels of anxiety and depression.

So next time you’re feeling down about a break-up or any other sadness in your life, don’t be afraid to crank up those Bollywood heartbreak anthems. They just might be exactly what you need to help you feel better.

Cultural Impact of Bollywood Heartbreak Anthems

The cultural impact of Bollywood heartbreak anthems is profound. For generations, these songs have been a source of comfort for those going through a tough break-up. They capture the pain and longing that comes with lost love, and offer a cathartic release for listeners.

These songs have also had a significant influence on Indian popular culture. They are often referenced in films and TV shows, and have become part of the country’s collective consciousness. Even those who don’t speak Hindi can sing along to these classics.

So why do we keep coming back to these songs when our hearts are broken? Perhaps it’s because they offer a sense of solidarity – we’re not alone in our pain. Or maybe it’s because they’re just so darn catchy! Whatever the reason, there’s no denying the power of a good Bollywood heartbreak anthem.

Understanding the Role of Music in Healing a Broken Heart

It is said that music has the power to heal a broken heart. And while this may be true for some, it is not always the case. There are many factors that contribute to the healing process, and music is just one of them. While it can be a helpful tool, it is not always the panacea that people make it out to be.

There are many different types of music, and each one can have a different effect on the listener. Some music is uplifting and empowering, while others are sad and melancholic. The type of music that you choose to listen to after a break-up should be based on your own personal preference and what makes you feel better.

For some people, listening to sad songs after a break-up can actually make them feel worse. If this is the case for you, then it’s best to avoid these types of songs altogether. Instead, focus on finding music that makes you feel good and helps you to remember the happy times in your relationship.

There is no right or wrong way to heal a broken heart. Everyone copes with break-ups differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what works best for you. If listening to music helps you to cope with your break-up, then go ahead and do it. But if it doesn’t, don’t force yourself to listen to it. Instead, focus on finding other ways to heal and move forward with your life.

The Top 10 Heartbroken Bollywood Songs That Tug at Your Emotions”

“Tadap Tadap Ke” – Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (1999) “Channa Mereya” – Ae Dil Hai Mushkil (2016) “Kabira” – Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (2013) “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil” – Ae Dil Hai Mushkil (2016) “Tum Hi Ho” – Aashiqui 2 (2013) “Dil De Diya Hai” – Masti (2004) “Phir Bhi Tumko Chaahungi” – Half Girlfriend (2017) “Tum Bin Jiya Jaye Kaise” – Tumbin(2001) “Baaton Ko Teri” – All Is Well (2015) “Dard Dilo Ke Kam Ho Jate” – The Xpose (2014)

These songs beautifully portray the pain, longing, and vulnerability experienced in matters of the heart, making them unforgettable heartbreak anthems in Bollywood.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Bollywood music has a special power to evoke all kinds of emotions with its heartbreak anthems. From joyous dance numbers to melancholic ballads, these songs have the ability to bring us back in time and remind us of our own experiences with love lost and lessons learned. While every song carries a unique message, they all share one thing in common—they help us come to terms with the pain that comes from breaking up or being hurt by someone we care about. So next time you feel down and out after a messy break-up, don’t forget there’s always some beautiful Bollywood tunes waiting for you!

[existentialmagazine]

Review: TAVVI’s new bright indie offering ‘Complicated’ layers in a pained narrative of heartbreak, feeling catchy but sincere

Starting to make music from his family home just last year, the Eastbourne based musician TAVVI finds his musical spark always starts best in the familiarity of his house before cleaning things up in a studio. Influenced by Lauv, Khalid and Quinn XCII, TAVVI’s bright indie sound is one known to the masses but still distinctly his own and his addictive flair shines through his latest offering ‘Complicated’, setting a new standard for his style and sound.

Led in by floaty beats and synth-soaked keyboard keys, ‘Complicated’ immediately flows into an upbeat tempo for the opening verse that you can’t help but get whisked away in, lost to the atmospheric highs of the sounds. Deeper beats switch things up for the first choruses introduction, adding a funkier intermission whilst falling into more of a bold styling that’s picked up by emphatic little electric guitar bursts, all-together simple but perfectly conveying both the catchiness of sound and heaviness of the message behind it. Despite the song’s constant cheery outlook, TAVVI’s vocals add a more emotional edge to every pulsating instrumental, capturing a saddened edge in his tone that you can’t help but ache along with in how every word so clearly seeps with an emptiness behind it. The bridge builds-up with each instrumental rising and tensely leaving you awaiting their peak, creating a moment of heightened emotion before one final chorus sees things out. Bearing a completely contrasting feel throughout, it’s hard to decide whether to dance or cry along to ‘Complicated’ and that’s what makes it so special, as TAVVI so effortlessly interweaves the two stylings so whatever you’re feeling, you can get in the mood for.

Penned straight from the heart, TAVVI found himself writing ‘Complicated’ amidst the lows of the same situation its lyrics drew inspiration from, expressing the difficulties that come with the ending of a relationship but finding yourself still deeply caring for them and having difficulty letting go of all the ways they changed your life. As he looks to progress forward but still finds his memories lingering, lines like ‘it’s not easy when you move on, ‘cause everything we’ve done, it never mattered’ encapsulate the woes of heartbreak, almost regretting the time spent that’s gone to waste and finding trouble in watching them from afar doing better. Still wanting the best for his ex partner while every word shows he’s evidently hurting, TAVVI sings ‘you moved on, I’m happy to hear… I know you’re leaving me behind, it’s complicated but I’m fine’ expressing the double-sided feelings at play all throughout, yearning for their happiness while still tinged in a heartache that they’re no longer a part of his life. Hinting towards his own struggles too, lyrics like ‘no one would like who I’ve become’ also offer a self-awareness of TAVVI’s own mental health issues, determined to be better and pull himself out of the rut he’s been feeling stuck in. As the title expresses best, ‘Complicated’ is very much a narrative and experience that has and always will be overtly complicated, with TAVVI wonderfully interweaving the conflicting emotions that fight between one another all throughout a period of such an immeasurable low.

Check out ‘Complicated’ for yourself here to unpack the sweet but saddened lyrical message and bouncy indie sound TAVVI has interwoven so beautifully!

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.

[cellythefloshie]

No amount of words that I could write here will be able to capture the appreciation that I have. Thank you so much Nicole for taking the time to write this for me! You can tell just how much effort you put into the creation of every scene, every character, the playlist and the story you wanted to tell. It was beautifully written all the way from the pining and the spicy scenes to the angst and the heartache. I feel absolutely spoiled to have received this from you this summer. I will reread it often and enjoy it every damn time (I saw as I’ve read it two times since I got home from work) - And that playlist that is absolutely perfect? Consider that on repeat or the foreseeable future. Thanks so much hun! Warning: Spoilers ahead as I “live-blog” the read.

I almost screamed when this popped up in my notifications today. I am not kidding you when I say that I’ve been listening to the playlist you made for this fic on repeat since you posted it. I am just breathing in the vibes. I AM READY.

Absolutely LOVE her name - and nickname Jules. It is one of my absolute favorites. 

The meeting at the grocery store is perfection

It’s like a meet cute with the twist of already knowing each other

And the tension of the interaction is so real and relatable

Instantly falling in love with Jules and her friendship with Adam

I’m absolutely dying over here in all the best ways

I love how you took the time for her to really process her thoughts and feelings going into the party instead of jumping right to it!

So. Fucking. Relatable. 

Elise and Evan are amazing. 

Love a good side-character. 

You have no idea how any laughs I had to hold back with Evan

“It’s like he’s the next coming of Christ.”

I fucking love him. 

We live for the denial

“That was just because someone heard if you mixed blue raspberry vodka with Mountain Dew of all things, it would taste like a Baja Blast.”... okay, but does it though? I will go get this right now LOL

Waking up next to you made it better. Jules and I are just going to be hung up on this forever. 

The subtle flirting is going to kill me 

Like he’s hiding something. I’m ready for the pain. 

AND I’m dead. 

the possessive switch has gone off in Adam and I’m just going to be a corpse by the end of this fic.

Dress is one of my favorite Swift songs, so to see the nod in this bathroom scene - I’m screaming

THIS

IS

SO 

HOT

The banter about speeding back to her place is absolute GOLD

She’s so damn happy

Until she isn’t

For fuck sake Adam

Loving every minute of it though

ESPECIALLY when she decides that they can have their affair

The way you write her guilt - and the avoidance of her guilt IS SO GOOD

I’m sensing more Swift nods!

“only giving into the rising temptation in the backseat of Adam’s car parked in a secluded spot by the lakeshore after all their friends had left.” HOT

OMG

Betty

Bitch what you doing

I love this

How is our girl Juliette not emptying her stomach right now

because I would be

Adam introducing them is like the absolute most gut wrenching feeling I’ve felt while reading in a long time

I’m dying over here

The sibling dynamic between Elise and Evan is perfect

Our poor girl!

This dream sequence is very well done! You went about including it so perfecting

It didn’t interrupt the flow of the story as most dream sequences seem to

And you can feel it slowly fade from a dream into her own personal nightmare

Also loving the brunette vs blonde dichotomy 

Either way I know the truth is going to hurt and I love it

I love how hopeful - and relentless she is with her love for Adam

She has waited so long for her moment

For when she finally got Adam

That he was hers and she his

It’s almost like a little villain arc and I love it

HE DIDN’T BREAK UP WITH BETTY? 

I am reeling

The drama and angst of this all

It’s just SO GOOD

If he couldn’t do it then, he never will Jules baby

She’s using his words FUCK I love it

“You can’t have both of us, Adam. If you want me the way you’ve said that you want me, then you have to choose me. Because I can’t do this with you anymore.” This is giving me such Meredith Grey Pick Me. Choose Me. Love Me. vibes (and I haven’t even watched Greys) and I love it

I AM LIVING FOR THIS ANGST

The loss of everything she never really had to begin with. THIS. THIS IS SO POWERFUL. 

OH the depression hit out girlie HARD

Jules is so wonderfully flawed

Her jealousy, her relentlessness, her desire to love and be loved - by Adam - you did such a great job developing her depth

AND HER FRIENDS. Like they couldn’t be any better. 

This last passage of that scene was so fucking poetic

Her realization that he wasn’t the teenager she grew up with any more

The acceptance it’s so pure and needed for her healing

OH SHIT ADAM SHOWED UP!?

AFTER 2 MONTHS!?

Girl you just spent 2 months healing, don’t let him in - but actually let him in

“I’m going to break up with Betty” - chokes - you mean you showed up here, 2 months later, having not broken up with her yet? THE BALLS ON THIS MAN

Excuse me while I channel Elise and throw something because I know that’s what she would be doing if she was there. She would so be putting a stop to all of this. 

Don’t go making promises Adam, she’s still got to take you back

You tell ‘im Jules!

I know a lot of people might not be satisfied with this ending

that they are believers in needing a happily ever after in the romance genre

but I fucking love this ending

you really see how much Jules has grown since he left

the she knows the Adam in front of her isn’t the one she loved

and that he will never be because of what he did with her that summer

you can feel her strength and her will

and you write it so damn well

so powerfully

breakable heaven

summary: when Juliette Lucas wakes up wrapped in the arms of Adam Lowry - the man that she had pined after for years - she should feel content. but instead, she feels guilty. she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. she never planned on becoming the other woman. but when it feels this good, how could it possibly be wrong?

playlist word count: 17.5k warnings: cheating fic, smut (explicit in the beginning, multiple vague references throughout), angst, bittersweet ending

written for @wyattjohnston's Summer Fic Exchange. to Celly (@cellythefloshie) with love.

Am I foolish for wanting this? It will end in flames, it always does. Maybe I like the way it feels to burn.

*~*~*~*~*

“Jules?”

Juliette Lucas can’t help but stiffen at the sound of the nickname. Not because of any traumatic memory or something of the sort. Unless you count the fact that the only person who ever called her that – her best friend from high school – left almost eight years ago without a word.

The person whose voice she could still hear in her sleep.

The same voice that was calling out to her from across the grocery store right now.

“Hey, Jules!”

She turns, muscles still tight with anticipation over seeing his face again. And there he is, Adam Lowry, jogging up to her from the other end of the breakfast aisle.

And, fuck, he looks hot. He was always attractive, even in high school but damn, the years had definitely been kind to him. Even in his simple joggers, plain navy t-shirt, and baseball cap, Juliette could see the muscle tone of his body. And the shadow cast across his face simply emphasized everything else: his strong jaw, the deep red of his facial hair, the bright blue of his eyes that were sparkling as he ran up to her.

“I look like shit right now.”

That irrational thought is the first clear present statement that echoes through her brain as she takes a quick glance down at her sweatpants and old tank top.

There is little time to worry however, because before Juliette knows it, Adam is front of her and the wind of his momentum ruffles her hair.

“Hey,” he says breathlessly, smiling down at her. “Long time no see.”

“That tends to happen when you move away to a different province,” she replies, trying not to give her words a cutting edge. Although, Juliette can see that she wasn’t entirely successful based on the subtle way Adam’s face falls.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to visit but, y’know, life,” he attempts to explain, his hand reaching back to scratch the back of his neck. Juliette can’t stop the small smile that tugs at the corner of her lips, his nervous ticks the exact same ones he had back in high school.

A lot of things might have changed. But that didn’t mean the person standing in front of her was a stranger. It was Adam. Her Adam.

“It’s alright, I get it,” she replies, her voice softening. “Anyway, you’re here now. What brings you back to Calgary?”

“My dad was finally able to convince me to come up, mostly to see all the finished renovations they made on the lake house. And it looks really good. Although, I almost don’t recognize it which is weird considering all the summers we spent there, growing up.”

“Life moves on around you, whether you like it to or not,” Juliette laughs, knowing the feeling of time passing her by all too well.

“Speaking of life, how have you been Jules?”

“Oh, I’ve been alright. Nothing super new or exciting. Work is work, life is life. Same old, same old I’m afraid.”

“Well, considering the last time I really talked to you was eight years ago at graduation, I highly doubt everything is the same,” Adam teases and Juliette’s eyes roll at his jab.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know.”

There is a small pause as the two of them simply look at each other. It had been years and that time seemed to stretch in between them like and ocean. One too expansive to cross right now, here, in the middle of a grocery store.

“Well,” Juliette says, being the first to break the silence, “I got to finish shopping. Need to get home and get ready a party later tonight.”

“Charleen’s party, right?” Adam asks. The statement sort of catches Juliette off-guard as she fixes Adam a puzzled glance.

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“She invited me too.”

“You still talk to Charlie?”

“More like my parents still talk to her. She helped them with the renovation.”

“Right, her interior design business,” Juliette nods.

“Yeah, she was visiting today, going over a few last-minute details with my parents when I arrived and she invited me.”

“Cool. Well then, I guess I’ll see you there?”

Adam replies with a small nod which Juliette returns, grabbing her cart. She starts to turn away before Adam’s voice calls out to her again.

“Hey, Jules.”

She turns her head to look back at Adam and the pang in her heart is sharp and sudden as she takes in that smile, the one that shot her back to nights on her parent’s couch, his laugh echoing around the family room at whatever ridiculous movie he convinced her to watch.

“It was really good to see you again.” 

Juliette just returns his smile before turning away, hating the feeling of heat that crawls up her neck. She attempts to smother the thoughts and emotions that had been lying dormant, just long enough to finish her shopping.

After checking the last things off her list, paying, and packing up her Jeep, Juliette starts her drive home. And as the scenery passes her by, the memories come flooding back as fast as the wind.

He was back. Adam was back, after all these years. And his presence had awakened the feelings that Juliette thought she had banished long ago. It was beyond cliché, falling for her high school best friend. But in her defense, she never expected to. There was just one day when she realized that she wanted him as more than just a best friend.

Unfortunately, that realization came too late, arriving right before Adam was about to leave for Winnipeg to start his professional hockey career. She should have told him then, before he was gone. But she didn’t, out of fear of ruining their friendship and losing her best friend to something worse than distance. Something that couldn’t be recovered from.

But… she lost him anyway.

Juliette sighs, snapping herself out of her reverie as she pulls into her apartment complex. Her mind is still filled with static on the elevator ride up and the static remains as she puts her groceries away and starts to get ready for Charleen’s party.

After a quick shower and some makeup, Juliette finds herself standing in front of her closet, flipping through her clothes, attempting to find a suitable outfit for the festivities. It shouldn’t be this hard; it usually isn’t this difficult. But Juliette would be lying if she pretended not to know why she was struggling. It was Adam, once again.

She wanted to look nice. Nicer than just nice. She wanted to look beautiful, gorgeous, eye-catching, stunning. She wanted Adam to see how she had changed. She wanted Adam to want to talk to her.

Or, simply, she wanted Adam to want to want her.

When her hand lands on a dress buried in the depths of her closet, one that she had almost forgotten about and yet was everything she could’ve asked for, she slipped it on over her head.

“This is a shit idea.”

That’s the thought repeating in Juliette’s head as she turns, checking out her reflection in the full-length mirror next to her closet, head spinning with the implications of what she was planning.

“Listen,” Juliette thinks, attempting to assuage the nagging voice in the back of her mind. “It’s just a dress. That’s all. I just want to look good for this party. No other reason.”

That was a blatant lie. This tight red summer dress hugging her frame was for one reason – or more accurately, one person.

After seeing him again, knowing that he was once again back in Calgary, back in her life and she felt just as strongly about him as she did in high school… well, how could anyone pass up the opportunity?

So, yeah, maybe she should wear the sexiest dress she could to the party at Charleen’s lake house. Maybe then her and Adam could stop tiptoeing on this fucking tightrope or at least, she’d know if Adam felt the same way about her that she did.

And, hey, if that didn’t happen and he left for Winnipeg at the end of summer … at least she looks hot.

A sigh escapes Juliette as she gently shakes her head, her mind once again reiterating how stupid of an idea this was. But she is nothing if not committed – even to her most ridiculous ideas. So, with another sigh, she grabs her white denim jacket and car keys and leaves the apartment.

The drive to Charleen’s is quick and even though Juliette isn’t ridiculously late, cars are already lining the street outside. She manages to find a spot off to the side of the house and hops out of her Jeep, her eyes flicking over the other vehicles, wondering which one is Adam’s.

If he’s even here yet.

There’s another quick shake of her head, another silent admonishment about how desperate she was acting, before she walks up to the front door, not bothering to knock, knowing Charlie would have left it unlocked for the guests.

As soon as the door swings open, Juliette is welcomed in with the sound of music being played over speakers and the chatter of other people. She slips into the house, kicking off her shoes by the front door before wandering deeper until she is on the edge of the living room, looking out at the scene of multiple friends and acquaintances, all laughing and drinking.

“Julie!!”

The screech of joy comes from Elsie, who bounces over to Juliette sweeping her into a hug, her own long blonde hair tickling Juliette’s shoulders. Juliette laughs as she is spun around by the sheer force of Elsie’s hug.

“I’m so glad you made it!” Elsie continues shouting, drawing the attention of a few people around them.

“Hi, Elsie,” Juliette giggles into her friends embrace, finally pulling away and meeting her bright gaze. “It’s good to see you too.”

“A drink! You need a drink!” Elsie says, mind going a mile a minute as it always did, grabbing Juliette’s hand and drags her to the adjoining kitchen. “Charlie stocked everything but people have also brought their own drinks so there’s plenty to go around.”

Elsie’s words are confirmed as soon as the two of them enter the kitchen, Juliette’s eyes almost bugging out of her head at the various alcohol cans and bottles lining in the kitchen island.

“There’s also a keg outside.”

“Oh, god, how long until someone does a keg stand?” Juliette playfully grimaces, turning to Elsie who shares her laughter.

“Corey already tried to convince some people to do one but thankfully, we aren’t at that point yet. I think we are trying to keep it somewhat classy.”

“Oh yeah, a bunch of twenty-somethings in a cabin with a ton of alcohol is definitely how we keep it classy.”

“Okay, the important word in that sentence was trying,” Elsie laughs. Juliette just responds with a shake of her head before grabbing a vodka seltzer and following Elsie back into the living room.

For the next hour or so, Juliette spends her time greeting and catching up with old friends as well as being introduced to some people that she didn’t know; mostly new romantic partners but some friends of friends. It seemed as if Charleen managed to cram almost all of their old homeroom into her lake house and everyone invited brought at least two other people with them.

Eventually, Juliette settled down on one of the couches, talking to Elsie’s twin brother Evan. It is in the middle of their conversation with when she hears a commotion. And when she turns her eyes towards the noise, she sees Adam walking into the room, the grin on his face and a six pack of beer in each hand, a bunch of people cheering around him.

She can’t help the roll of her eyes and the shake of her head at his entrance.

“It’s like he’s the next coming of Christ,” Evan jokes to her, reading her reaction.

“The local celebrity graces us with his presence,” Juliette quips back, causing a laugh to fall from the blond. Although, even with her snarky words, Juliette can’t stop her eyes from jumping back to Adam as he wanders back into the room, a single beer in his hand and the plain white t-shirt highlighting the warmth of his skin and the strength of his body.

“Have you talked to him?” Evan asks, pulling her attention back to him.

“We actually ran into each other earlier today, at the grocery store of all places.”

“And how was that?”

“What do you mean?” Juliette asks, her eyebrows furrowing at Evan’s question.

“Come on, Julie. You two were practically attached at the hip in high school. He came over to our house with you almost as many times as you did alone.”

“Yeah, but that was years ago. He’s off doing bigger and better things. Probably doesn’t think about me that much anymore.”

“Did you recognize him earlier today at the store or did he recognize you?”

“He did…” she replies, the words trailing off as she tries to uncover Evan’s meaning.

“So, he recognized you after almost eight years. That’s a long time, Julie. Plus, judging by the way his eyes have been attached to you since he walked in, I think it’s safe to say he remembers you well enough.”

“What?”

Juliette’s head spins towards Adam and is immediately met with his blue eyes locked on her frame. Eventually, their eyes connect and Juliette watches as a smile breaks out on Adam’s face as he tips his beer towards her in a silent greeting.

Juliette lifts her hand up in a small wave and as soon as the motion happens, her hand flies back down and she tears her gaze away, only to be greeted with Evan’s smug face.

“Shut up,” she mutters, taking another drink of her seltzer, the skin on the back of her neck heating up at Evan’s laugh.

“My god, you still have a crush on him,” Evan says. “Oh, this is hilarious.”

“Shut up Evan.”

“Nah, this is great. Eight years and you’re still pining over him.”

“I am not pining over him.”

“It’s okay, I get it. He was pretty hot back then and he’s only gotten hotter with age. Fine wine and all that nonsense.”

The look that Juliette shoots Evan is one of bemusement as Evan glances over towards Adam before jumping back to her.

“What? I’m gay as shit, remember? Besides, even if I wasn’t, I’ve got eyes.”

“Well, then, why don’t you go and talk to him.”

“Not my type,” Evan replies dismissively causing another snorting laugh to fall from her mouth. When she looks back up to Evan, the expression on his face is still teasing but Juliette recognizes the sincerity underneath his features. “Just go and talk to him, Julie. Even if it’s just as an old friend.”

Evan’s advice bounces around her skull, the proposition sounding so easy and so effortless. But perhaps it was that simple. Maybe Juliette was the one making everything more complicated than it had to be, adding to much weight to a moment that would end up being inconsequential.

For what seemed like the hundredth time that evening, a heavy sigh escapes Juliette as she glances back towards Adam, whose attention was now directed to Marina and her new fiancé. She looks back at Evan, sitting patiently to see her next move.

“You’re like an annoying younger brother, you know that?” Juliette says, the playful tone lightening the blunt words.

“I’m technically older than you.”

“Yeah, yeah, technically,” Juliette says, lifting herself up off the couch, stretching her arms over her head.

“Go get him, tiger,” Evan quips, to which she replies with a quick middle finger thrown over her shoulder, an action which elicits another cackle from Evan as she walks away.

As she wanders into the kitchen, Juliette’s eyes scan over the assortment of alcohol laid out over the counters. The smart thing to do would be to grab another seltzer and nurse that for as long as possible. But she promised Evan that she would talk to Adam and if there was one thing she knew about Evan, he would continue to nag her until she did.

But considering the fluttering of her heart at the mere thought of holding a conversation with the man she still harbored feelings for, she knew she was going to need a stronger drink to help loosen her inhibitions at least a little bit. Just so she wouldn’t embarrass herself.

Although, drunk Juliette could be an embarrassment all on her own. It was a calculate risk.

One that, after a minute of thinking, Juliette decides to take. She grabs some random mixer and pours it into one of the cheap plastic cups that were stacked nearby. She is halfway through adding the vodka when, for the second time that day, Adam’s voice sounds from behind her.

“Do you remember that time your parents let us make our own drinks?”

The smile that comes to Juliette’s face is automatic as she continues to focus on her current task, replying without looking back.

“During the Labour Day barbeque? Of course.”

“I think they ended up regretting that idea later,” Adam says, the edge of his words painted with a breathy chuckle. Juliette also giggles, grabbing her drink before turning to see Adam standing on the other end of the island.

“That was just because someone heard if you mixed blue raspberry vodka with Mountain Dew of all things, it would taste like a Baja Blast.”

“Well, I mean, it did.”

“Yeah, and that was the problem!” Juliette laughs, shaking her head slightly at the still blurry memories of her and Adam acting like complete fools. “I still don’t remember how many of those we managed to drink before falling asleep on the couch in the basement.”

“It sure was a night,” Adam sighs, his eyes darting away, looking down at the half-eaten plates of snacks that Charleen had laid out earlier.

Juliette watches as he reaches out to take a carrot, trying not to get distracted by how elegant his fingers looked. Her attempt was quickly derailed as it took Adam clearing his throat to get her eyes to snap back to his. She has to push away the blush that she feels rising, hiding her face behind her cup as she takes another sip of alcohol.

Juliette half expects Adam to call her out on it, never one to pass up an opportunity to tease her. But he doesn’t. Instead, he once again shoots her that gentle smile and Juliette stops herself from taking another drink to quiet the pounding of her heart.

“What do you remember about the morning after?” Adam asks. His question causes another sigh of laughter to fall, his return to normal conversation giving her some relief.

“That I couldn’t eat for like a full 8 hours. As far as hangovers go, I never want to experience that again.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Oh, I’m sorry we don’t all have the tolerance of a professional athlete.”

“Hey, I wasn’t professional back then,” he retorts.

“Still an athlete,” Juliette sing-songs into her cup, the action making Adam chuckle and shake his head.  

“Fine, I’ll give you that.”

There’s another small pause and Juliette takes the chance to think over Adam’s words. The conversation had been pretty normal, reminiscing over the past as friends would, specifically a memory that was similar to the current situation. But there was one aspect of it that nagged at the back of her mind – a loose thread of sorts. And Juliette decides to tug at it.

“So, did you not wake up still drunk the morning after that Labour Day?”

“I mean, I was definitely hungover. But, uh, waking up the morning after with you curled up next to me… it made the splitting headache a little better.”

It takes a minute for Adam’s confession to register but when they finally do, Juliette has to smother the immediate surprise that his words bring.

Waking up next to you made it better.

The words spin around in Juliette’s head, burrowing into every crevice of her brain and stoking the flames of that every present spark of hope that was still burning after all this time.

Waking up next to you made it better.

The critical voice in her head chooses to speak up, telling Juliette that he didn’t confess to anything. Waking up with a hangover alone, or even with a complete stranger, would absolutely be worse than waking up to a friend.

“Shouldn’t have been that life-changing,” Juliette forces herself to say, attempting to brush off his words and pretending that they didn’t affect her as much as they did. “We’ve slept in the same bed before.”

“I know,” Adam replies, his own voice non-committal, his eyes once again falling away from her.

Another silence falls but this time, there is a tension with it. One that is suffocating and Juliette hates the feeling of it. Hates how it hangs. But she isn’t sure how to fix it. So, she does the one thing that she knows how to do.

Leave. Before things take a turn for the worse.

“Um,” she begins, calling Adam’s attention to her again and her words stick in her throat for a moment at the way his blue eyes pierce into hers. “I better be getting back. Evan was just about to tell me about his most recent terrible blind date.”

“Okay,” Adam replies. His eyes stay glued to Juliette’s body as she starts to walk towards the kitchen exit. “Talk to you later?”

“Of course,” Juliette hums, almost at the threshold to re-enter the living room. She is about to exit when Adam’s voice once again stops her.

“Hey, Jules?”

The nickname makes her turn back to look at Adam and a small trill is sent down her spine as she watched Adam’s gaze shamelessly rake up and down her body before their eyes lock again.

“You look really… pretty, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Juliette says, the compliment warming her from the inside. “You don’t look half-bad yourself,” she returns. A deep chuckle rumbles from Adam’s chest as he shakes his head, a move that was familiar to her; it was the response she always provoked from him whenever she did something amusing or embarrassing. Or both.

Juliette hightails it away from the kitchen, internally cringing at her awkward words before taking another hearty drink from her now half-empty glass.

If the night was going to continue like this, she was definitely going to be refilling her cup multiple times before the party was over. She spies Evan still on the couch, now talking to Thomas and Kristy. She darts over before sitting down next to him, listening to their conversation, both in order to calm her spinning mind and to join in.

It’s only a few seconds until there is a small lull in the conversation and that is when Evan shoots her a glance, one eyebrow raised in a silent question that Juliette doesn’t need him to voice to understand.

“Don’t even ask,” she mutters into her cup. Evan just gently bumps his shoulder against hers in reply and that casual ease is what finally allows her to relax, focusing on the talk around her and reorienting herself to the party that was filled with her friends.

As the party continues into the night, it slowly dwindles down. People take off, heading back to their own homes and families. The later it gets, the more the party shifts, from its previous riot to a more relaxed get-together. Eventually, Juliette finds herself lingering with the remaining guests, all of them huddled around the firepit constructed on the sandy lakeshore out back.

Juliette takes another sip from her cup now filled with water as she relaxes, listening to the chatter of those around her, breathing in the fresh air of the pines and feeling the cool sand beneath her bare feet.

She is so focused on the present moment that she doesn’t even notice Adam’s approach, didn’t see the way his eyes softened at the sight of her. The sound of him clearing his throat causes Juliette’s eyes to fly open, meeting his gaze in the low firelight.

“Is this seat taken?” Adam asks, gesturing to the empty expanse of the wooden log she was perched on.

“Not at all,” comes her easy reply, scooting over to allow Adam enough room to sit down. And Juliette cannot suppress the shiver that runs through her when Adam’s knee knocks against hers.

They sit there is silence for a moment, just the crackling of fire and the chit-chat of the people around them being the only noise in the night until Juliette breaks the silence.

“So, I hear you got a dog?”

“Yeah, Banks. He’s a golden retriever.”

Adam continues to talk about his new puppy, even going to show Juliette videos of Banks and his adorable retriever smile. The icebreaker leads them to finally take the time to catch up on their respective lives; careers, pets – or lack thereof in Juliette’s case, homes, and all the rest. Almost every detail, from the menial to the major.

Throughout the conversation, Juliette notices a few pauses in Adam’s speech; that he sometimes takes more time to tell her things that don’t seem complicated. Like he’s hiding something. Like he doesn’t want her to see all of him.

She hates it. Because even though there was still a small flame of attraction for Adam, she would be fine with just having her best friend back – the one that was never afraid to tell her exactly how he felt.

Which is what leads her to press a little further.

“So, life’s been good in Winnipeg?” she asks, leaning closer to Adam to really hear his answer

“Yeah. I mean, haven’t gotten everything I wanted yet but it’s still pretty good,” he replies, shooting her a small smile. She doesn’t have time to pry more before Adam deflects the conversation back to her. “How about you?”

“Eh, still figuring things out. But I have plenty of time to decide where I want my life to go.”

“You were always really good at that; just letting things happen naturally.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Juliette laughs, shaking her head lightly. “I think I’m just really good at disguising my true emotions which makes it seem like I’m easy-going.”

“Really? How so?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Like… relationships or dating for example. It’s easy for me to flirt with people I’m not really interested in. It’s easy because I know I’m never going to let them get too close to me. I don’t have to try so hard to be the girl they want me to be because… I was never planning on being their girl anyway,” she explains, the lingering alcohol in her veins loosening her tongue. She looks at Adam, watching as her words sink in, his brow furrowing.

“Was that true back in high school?” Adam asks. “Like, when you were dating Pierce, you weren’t actually interested in him?”

A small shocked movement goes through Juliette, surprised that Adam even remembered the guy she dated back then. She doesn’t linger on the knowledge that Adam didn’t seem to forget, even after eight years, choosing instead to shrug her shoulders before replying.

“He wasn’t looking for anything serious. And it was nice to have someone.”

Juliette doesn’t tell him that back then, Pierce offered her more than just a warm bed. He was also a placeholder, someone to help her suppress her feelings towards Adam. In a way, she had been disguising herself for years.

Her eyes jump back to Adam, who is staring into the fire pit, seemingly deep in thought. Juliette waits for him to speak, even though every second that passes feels like torture and the anxiety starts to gnaw at the frayed edges of her mind. Eventually, Adam looks back at her and there it is – that pang in her heart.

Because he’s looking at her with those soft eyes. An expression that she had seen only occasionally back when they were kids. An expression she never thought she’d see again.

“You know you don’t have to try with me, right?”

Juliette hears the words but they don’t fully register, don’t fully connect at first. She lets out a somewhat dismissive laugh, nudging Adam’s thigh with her knee.

“Yeah, that’s why we’re friends,” she giggles, glancing away as she takes another sip of water. There’s another small pause and Juliette thinks that that is the end of it. But then she feels the warmth of Adam’s palm envelop her knee, the touch causing her eyes to snap back towards him. His expression had shifted – still soft but there is a hardened sense of earnestness underneath it.

“No, I mean, you don’t have to try.”

The words are repeated, nothing new said. But it’s the way he says it that causes Juliette’s heart to skip a beat. The chill from the lake disappears as the heat floods her body. But unfortunately, while the heat comes in full force, so does the anxiety.

Why was he saying this? Did he really mean it? Did he know how she felt? Does he feel the same?

These questions and more spin around in her mind, rendering her silent, her eyes just wide and still, staring at Adam. She barely registers the shift in his own expression, her silence no doubt causing some doubt of his own to enter his mind.

“Jules…”

“I don’t want to hear this.”

The thought comes over her in an instant, cutting through the rest of the static in her brain. Whether he was going to comfort her, or rescind his words, or try to explain them more, she didn’t want to hear it.

“I need to get more water,” she mumbles, the words fall past her lips in a jumble of syllables, barely coherent. But it didn’t really matter when they were accompanied by the speed in which she lifted herself up, retreating back into the now empty house and into the kitchen. And as she fills up her cup again, her confusion resurfaces.

What the fuck was happening?

Was Adam trying to pick her up? Is that what that meant? And if so, why was she so scared of it? That’s what she wanted. That’s the reason she wore this dress. The reason she was here.

So, if it worked, if her efforts paid off, why was she running away?

Because it had never worked before. Not with any of the guys in the past eight years. It didn’t even work with Adam back in high school. Sure, she didn’t tell him outright that she wanted more back then. But that didn’t mean that she didn’t drop hints to him, hoping that he would understand them and take that first step himself. But he remained oblivious for those last few months and then he was gone.

And of course, now – now after years of not talking – he finally reciprocates. And that was terrifying.

It was easy not to be wanted, to be casual, to be friends. Nothing was real; there was no risks and no consequences to unrequited feelings. But now… if she took that step with Adam, whatever tenuous strand of friendship that they were still clinging to would be irrevocably shifted and changed.

What the fuck was she going to do?

Juliette heaves a sigh, walking out of the kitchen, debating on what her next step should be. Should she take the leap? Pretend Adam’s words didn’t tangle her in knots like they did? Fully run away by hopping in her car without saying goodbye?

Perhaps unfortunately for her, Juliette doesn’t have the chance to make the final decision. Because when she enters the living room, looking up from her glass, Adam is standing there waiting for her.

“Jules,” he starts, taking a step towards her.

“Please stop calling me that.”

“Why?”

“No one ever calls me that,” Juliette explains, her voice dismissive as she takes another sip of her drink, still trying to settle the pounding of her heart.

“No one? Not one other person has ever called you Jules? A friend? A boyfriend? No one?” Adam asks, taking a step towards her after every single question until he is standing in front of her, his body towering over her.

“No one,” she confirms, her voice faltering with the nerves still thrumming through her body.

“Only me?”

Juliette takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the words she was about to speak, knowing that they would be more of a confession than anything else she could possibly say. It takes a moment before her hazel eyes open, connecting to him.

“That nickname has only ever been for you.”

The words hang in the air between them and Juliette watches as they register on Adam’s face and her heart pangs when that soft, gentle smile appears on his face; a smile that was always reserved for her. Her heartbeat doesn’t settle when Adam’s hand lifts up to brush away the loose curl from Juliette’s forehead, his finger twirling around the strand before placing it behind her ear. His fingers don’t stray far as they move to brush along her jawline and she knows Adam can see the goosebumps his touch causes.

“What else is only mine?” Adam questions, his voice dropping impossibly deeper as his face moves closer towards Juliette’s.

“Do you really have to ask?”

“I need you to say it, Jules. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

This was the moment. There was more delaying, no time for hesitation. It was time for a decision. One that felt impossible for Juliette to make. But then Adam’s thumb brushes against her cheek, pulling her attention away from her thoughts and back to him.

“Don’t overthink it, Jules. It’s okay,” he whispers, his voice as delicate as his touch. “You don’t have to try with me, remember?”

It’s those words that cause that last wall to come crashing down, a shuddering breath running through Juliette. She closes her eyes, digging deeply for the strength to speak the truth that she had known for a long time.

“I am, Adam. Only yours. I think I always have been.”

Juliette’s response is enough for Adam to finally close the gap between them, his lips coming to press against hers. And even though Juliette could see the kiss coming, the feeling of it – the reality of it – still made her almost drop her glass.

Because Adam was kissing her. He was actually kissing her.

It’s Juliette that deepens the kiss, pushing up on her toes to press her body closer to Adam, relishing the groan that escapes him as his hands fly to her hips in order to keep her body pinned to his. Somehow, Juliette manages to find some flat surface nearby to set down her cup and as soon as the cheap plastic is out of her hands, they fly up to tangle in Adam’s hair, kisses never ceasing.

It feels like an eternity before Adam finally pulls away from her and Juliette’s eyes reconnect with his, registering the dark black of his pupils almost swallowing the bright blue of his irises.

There aren’t any words spoken between the two of them as Adam steps back. There was no time to speak before he is taking her hand in his and leading her down the hallway. Juliette was still trying to piece her mind back together after the dizzying kiss that she doesn’t protest as Adam drags her along, doesn’t question when Adam leads her up the stairs and into the second-floor bathroom.

She definitely doesn’t complain when Adam locks the door behind him and pulls her back into his arms, their lips connecting again. Adam uses his strong body to push Juliette against the sink countertop, a chill rushing down her spine as the cool marble hits the back of her bare thighs.

Adam’s hands are all over her body, pulling her closer to him, pressing her frame against his. A gasp falls from Juliette when Adam’s hands cup the back of her legs, lifting her up onto the countertop with an ease that sends another rush of heat down to her core.

Eventually, Adam’s lips fall from her own and begin to move across her jawline, down the smooth expanse of her throat. Juliette can’t help the way her hips roll when Adam pauses against her neck, sucking a hickey into her pale skin with a fierceness that is exquisite in its sting. Adam moves again, his lips trailing down across her collarbones, dancing across the top of her cleavage, before he pulls away to flick his eyes back up to hers.

“What else is only for me, Jules?” he asks, reiterating the question that led them here. “Is this dress for me?”

There is no hesitancy as Juliette’s response comes in an empathetic nod of her head. A whine escapes her as Adam’s fingers deftly trace along the neckline and she can hear him moan at the sight of her nipples straining through the fabric.

“Only wore it so you could take it off,” Juliette murmurs, slightly shocked at how Adam was able to pull the truth from her so effortlessly. The only response Adam gives is a low chuckle, his hands moving up to momentarily play with the thin straps between his fingers before he oh so painstakingly slides them off her shoulders.

Juliette lets him pull the fabric down, exposing her bare chest to the harsh light of the bathroom, another groan falling from his lips at the sight of her.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he mutters before moving forward, his lips resuming their former place against her sternum, now free to roam further down. A soft moan escapes Juliette as Adam’s lips close around her nipple, teasing it and causing another involuntary roll of her hips. Adam pauses on her chest for a moment, to give both of her breasts an ample amount of attention before continuing to move his lips down, over the ridges of her ribs.

“What are you – ” Juliette attempts to ask as he sinks to his knees in front of her but the question is quickly cut off when Adam’s strong hands pull apart her thighs and his soft lips connect to the delicate skin.

“What do you think I’m doing?” he whispers again her inner thighs, lips slowly moving further up. “Tell me what else is mine, Jules.”

The shiver that runs through Juliette’s body is in response to Adam’s movements, her legs opening wider both to give him access and as a silent plea. If Adam notices, he doesn’t take the bait, his lips lingering just inches from where she wants him.

“What else?” he asks and a shuddering breath falls from Juliette as one of his hands sneaks up towards the soft grey cotton of her thong, the fabric flooding with her need as Adam presses a finger against her slit.

“Is this all for me?” he continues, his touch moving upwards to rub her clit, pulling a whine from Juliette as her hips jolt forwards once more. “Tell me Jules,” Adam softly demands, his movements never stopping. “What else is mine?”

“I am,” Juliette whispers, the words coming out shaky, not only due to the feeling of Adam’s fingers against her but also the lingering anxiety that laced itself between the syllables. Adam manages to hear that hesitancy within her voice and he tears himself away, looking up to lock his eyes with hers once more.

“I’m yours, Adam,” she continues, the gentle expression on his face calming her, allowing the truth to be spoken with ease. “All of me.”

Adam doesn’t give Juliette a verbal response but she can see the shift in his expression as he takes in her words, sees his lips uptick in a smile. He raises his body up slightly to allow Juliette to close the gap between them, pulling him into another kiss, her hands tangling in his hair once more. She moans into his mouth as she feels his hands sneaking underneath the hemline of her dress and finding the elastic waistband of her panties, pulling away from her lips as he pulls the fabric away from her core.

He shoots a quick smirk up at her before his large hands are pushing her thighs even further apart, the movement causing the bottom of her dress to slip up over her hips. Juliette barely has time to react before Adam’s head is ducking down again, his lips retracing their movement against her inner thighs until they finally, finally, connect with her core.

The sharp gasp that leaves Juliette’s mouth is the only sound that escapes as her hands tighten in his hair, pulling him impossibly deeper into her, an action that sends a chuckle rumbling from Adam’s chest, the vibration of it sending another jolt through Juliette.

The whines and moans only increase as Adam continues to move, his tongue dipping into her folds, groaning at her taste. His lips eventually wander up to wrap around her clit and the way he sucks, the way his tongue flicks over the sensitive bundle of nerves almost causes Juliette to come undone.

“Oh fuck,” Juliette moans, hips rolling up to chase Adam’s lips.

“Yeah? Just like that?” comes Adam’s questioning voice before he repeats the movement, another high-pitched whimper falling from Juliette. “Come on sweetheart. I want you to cum for me.”

His simple request and the repeated motion of his mouth against her is all it takes for that peak to come crashing over Juliette, thighs tightening around Adam’s head before his hands lift to hold them open as his mouth continues its movements, eagerly lapping up her release, the vibration of his own groans causing her orgasm to be prolonged.

The crest eventually subsides, leaving Juliette’s still exposed chest heaving as Adam’s lips move back to kiss at the apex of her thighs. But before the desire completely disappears, before Juliette is slammed back into the reality of where she was and what just happened, another moan is pulled past her lips as Adam’s hand sneaks between her legs, his fingers once again coming to press against her slit, this time unobstructed.

“Fuck Jules, you feel so fucking good,” he groans into her soft skin, a finger plunging into her core, the welcomed intrusion sending another flush of heat through her body, no doubt painting her chest a more mottled scarlet than before.

“Adam,” she whines, the hand still tangled in his hair tugging him upwards. He obliges, lifting himself off his knees but still keeps his hand between her thighs, one finger pumping into her core before he slides another in.

The moan that escapes from Juliette is swallowed quickly by Adam crashing his lips back to hers, kissing her deeply as he continues his movements. Juliette breaks away from the kiss when Adam curls his fingers within her, the motion causing him to graze over that one spot that had her seeing stars. Adam reads her reaction with ease and is smart enough to repeat the motion, causing another delectable moan to fall from her.

Juliette’s eyes jump down to stare at Adam’s arms, taking in the the way his veins became more prominent with every motion, her moans becoming erratic as Adam once again brings her closer and closer to her peak. Without thinking, the hand that had she had been using to support her body flew to wrap around Adam’s forearm, as if to silently beg him to keep it there. It was an additional bonus for her to feel his muscles flex as his fingers continued move within her.

“That’s right darling,” Adam sighs out, his breath hot against the shell of her ear. “Give me another one. Prove to me that you’re all mine.”

His sudden possessiveness is what drives Juliette over the edge again, her second orgasm crashing over her. The feeling of her clenching around Adam’s fingers pulls a groan from him, one he muffles by burying his mouth into the junction of Juliette’s neck and shoulder, his lips and teeth marking her once more.

It takes a moment for both of them to catch their breath before Adam is pulling away, his hands and body retreating from Juliette’s. He doesn’t stray far, only taking one step back and Juliette can’t help but bask in the way his eyes rake over her still exposed body.

Juliette appraises him similarly, eyes jumping down to the bulge in his jeans. That sight renews her hunger as she slides off the countertop, not bothering to adjust anything before sinking to her knees in front of Adam. Her hands crawl up his thick thighs towards his belt buckle. She barely has the chance to start to undo the leather when Adam’s hands reach down and halt her movements.

“No Jules,” Adam says. “Not here.”

“But I want to,” she replies, looking up at him, her eyes still blown wide in pure need.

Adam reaches down to cup her face and Juliette leans into his touch, his large palm almost covering her entire cheek. Adam holds out his other hand to her and there is only a moment before Juliette places her hand in his. He pulls her off the tile floor, not waiting even a millisecond before pulling her into him again, lips crashing together. Juliette wraps her arms around him, reveling in the way he touches her and kisses her until she feels drunk. Adam eventually breaks away, his warm breath fanning over her cheeks.

“Let me take you home, Jules.”

Juliette response is an assured nod, desperation still fueling her actions and Adam can’t stop the small laugh that escapes him. Juliette feels his hands moving against her but this time, it’s to pull the hem of her dress down, covering her. She pulls the top half back over her chest and reaches for the denim jacket, oh so carelessly left on the bathroom counter. But when she pulls the fabric back over her shoulders, her keys fall out of the pocket and onto the tile with a clatter, reminding her of a small snag in their plan.

“Wait, we came here separately,” she says, halting Adam at the doorway. “And I’m not about to try and explain why I’m leaving my car here.”

“Right. Fuck, um,” Adam says, pausing with his hand on the handle, his free hand coming to run through his hair. “Do you want to lead the way?” he asks, looking back at her.

“Back to my place?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I mean, only if you want to.”

Juliette smiles, slowly walking over to him. She slides between him and the still closed door before lifting herself up to connect their lips again. Adam happily melts into the kiss, pressing her against the solid wood. Juliette lets her hands wander down, once again dancing over Adam’s belt buckle before dipping a little lower and she can’t help the satisfied feeling that rushes through her when Adam breaks from the kiss with a groan as she gently palms him through his jeans.

“If we leave now, we can be there in 15,” she says, not halting her movements as she captures Adam’s lips in hers again. This time, Adam voluntarily pulls away, reaching down to stop her hands before grinning back at her.

“You gonna break the speed limit?”

“Are you?”

Adam’s immediately grabs Juliette’s hips, pulling her into his body before lifting her feet off the tile, spinning her away from the door. She gasps at the ease in which he could maneuver her, the heat once again moving through her body at the possibilities his strength could provide as the night went on. Adam leans in to press a quick kiss onto her lips before moving back, his eyes heavy as he looks down at her.

“I don’t want to be away from you any longer than I have to,” he says, turning the handle and holding the door open for Juliette. She steps through, looking back at Adam with a mischievous smirk.

“Just don’t get pulled over.”

*~*~*~*~*

The morning sunlight shines through the cracks in Juliette’s white curtains, hitting her closed eyes. The concentrated beam causes her eyelashes to flutter open, softly groaning as she burrows deeper into her sheets. As she does, the weight of another shifts and Juliette’s eyes open to see Adam sleeping peacefully, the sun causing his hair to alight in a beautiful auburn.

Last night…

It was everything that Juliette could’ve wanted; everything she could’ve dreamt it to be. Adam made her feel… everything. All those thoughts and emotions that she had been holding back for ages, he brought forth with the touch of his hands on her skin.

He made her feel desired. He told her as much. And she had told him that she was his.

But words said in the heat of passion may not hold in the harsh light of day.

They needed to talk. Actually sit down and have a conversation about everything that had happened, every word said.

The conviction in her mind makes Juliette sit upright in bed, the covers falling from her body as she stretches her arms over her head. Perhaps she would make breakfast, or order in, or something. Food always seemed to help hard conversations become a little easier.

Juliette swings her legs over the edge of the mattress and right as her feet hit the floor, she hears the vibration of Adam’s phone rattling against the wood of her nightstand. She quickly circles the bed, intending to hit the lock button to silence what she assumes to be an alarm, as to not disturb him. Let him rest a little longer. But when the screen comes into view, she sees that it is not an alarm, but a Facetime call attempting to come through.

And when Juliette’s brain registers the picture and caller ID on the screen, her heart stops beating.

She doesn’t move, just stares at the phone as it continues to ring, memorizing the face of the girl wrapped in Adam’s arms in the image plastered on the screen; the blonde of her hair, her smile. The two hearts framing her caller ID.

The phone eventually silences but before Juliette can take another breath, a text message pops up.

Betty You’re probably still asleep. I forget that you’re in a different time-zone. Hope you had fun at the party! Call me whenever you wake up! Love you! Message received May 27th at 8:41am

Juliette doesn’t move; her feet feeling like stone weights, her heart collapsing in on itself like a dying star. She is so stuck in the moment where everything she thought she knew shifted on its axis that she barely registers the rustling of sheets next to her, the gentle groan of Adam rousing from his sleep.

“Morning,” Adam mumbles and Juliette can hear him turn his body towards her. But she doesn’t look at him, just keeps her eyes locked to the phone, her mind racing with the truth that Adam withheld.

He lied to her. He made her an accomplice in his infidelity. Turned her into something she never wanted to be. The temptress, the mistress, the other woman.

“Jules?”

There’s that fucking nickname again, falling from his lips and Juliette doesn’t want to acknowledge the ache in her heart when she hears him say her name like that. Because she knows that she would do anything he asked if he would just say it again.

She clenches her jaw and finally tears her eyes away from the nightstand, moving to look at Adam laying in the messy sheets. And when her hazel eyes connect to his, she wishes she could erase the feeling of desire that comes rushing to the surface.

Because he is not hers to want.

She knows that now.

“Who’s Betty?”

The words echo around her bedroom and Juliette can feel them hanging in the air as she watches Adam’s brow furrow before the realization drops. And he looks as if he’s been shot.

“Good,” she thinks. He should feel disgusted for what he did. For lying to her. For leading her on.

“Jules, I can explain,” Adam begins but Juliette cuts him off with a scoff.

“You can explain? Explain what, Adam? That you –”

Juliette spins away from him, her hand coming up to her mouth. She didn’t want to say the words, didn’t want to speak the truth into existence. But there was no avoiding this.

“Who is she?” she asks again, not bothering to turn around to face Adam again, instead choosing to stare out the window at the rising sun, not caring if the light caused her eyes to water. The tears would’ve come eventually. Better to blame it on something else instead of the feeling of her heart shattering.

“She’s my girlfriend,” Adam confesses, his voice soft with defeat.

Another scoff falls from Juliette as her lips purse, her head slightly shaking. Her arms cross in front of her stomach as she continues to look forward. She tries to ignore the sound of Adam sliding out from underneath her sheets, the gentle sound of his footsteps crossing the short distance between them, the heat of his body behind her. She ignores it until she can’t, when his hands slide across her arms before stopping over hers, holding her in his embrace.

She should push him off her, throw him out of her house and her life. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, barely breathes.

She just waits. Waits for him to speak. To tell her. Tell her what exactly, she isn’t sure. Because she knows that any word out of his mouth would just plunge the knife deeper.

The silence lasts for a long moment, neither of them brave enough to make the first move. Until Juliette feels Adam’s hands shift, moving to her biceps, gently gripping them.

“Jules, look at me. Please.”

She tries to resist the pull of him, not just the physical pull but the tug of her heart, begging her to listen even though her mind knew better. Eventually, she turns, her eyes closing, wanting to hold off on staring into those beautiful blue eyes.

It’s the gentle touch of his fingers against her chin that finally forces her eyes to flutter open. She can see his expression shift as he registers the tears on her cheeks and the blankness in her gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he says and Juliette can’t help the small huff of laughter that escapes as her eyes move away for a quick moment before coming back to his.

“For what? Sorry for what?”

“For not telling you,” Adam begins and – in a reaction that was long overdue – Juliette feels her sad numbness finally shift into anger.

“You’re damn right you should’ve told me!” she says, tearing her arms away from him and pacing to the other side of her bedroom. “What, did you think I would be okay with this? Do you think I wanted this?”

“You wanted this last night,” Adam mutters and the words sink in, causing the fire in Juliette to blaze higher, another scoff falling from her lips.

“Don’t you dare try to pin this on me. I’m not the one who fucked someone else while they’re girlfriend was waiting for them two provinces away!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that! Stop apologizing to me like that’s going to fix everything. What the fuck were you thinking, Adam?”

“You want to know what I was thinking?” he says, turning towards her with a fierceness in his eyes that makes Juliette take a step back. “I was thinking; here’s this girl that I had been friends with for years, that looks more beautiful than she did the last day I saw her, and that looks like she wants me just as much as I want her.”

It takes a moment for his words to break through the fire that surrounded Juliette but when they finally do sink in, it smothers the blaze as quickly as it came.

Because it feelslike he is telling her the truth. The words he spoke… they don’t feel hollow. They don’t feel like words he spewed just to assuage her, to calm her. They feel real. But then again, so did last night.

Juliette doesn’t respond, just stays in place, letting her silence stretch until Adam takes it as a sign to continue.

“Betty and I…” Adam starts, the sentence trailing off as he tries to put his thoughts in order. “I care about her. I do. And I know it might not seem like it based on, well, everything. But when I saw you again… I don’t know if I can explain it. Something hit me, like I was seeing you for the first time.”

Adam takes a step towards Juliette, his footsteps delicate against the hardwood of her bedroom floor. He approached her cautiously, as if she was a wounded animal backed into a corner. Which she very well might be, based on how razor-thin close she was to shattering.

“I thought that I would die if I didn’t have you.”

Juliette can feel the tears start to well in her eyes and she tries to push them down. But it is futile as Adam’s voice continues to gently call, his hand moving to reach out to her.  

“Jules. My Jules.”

“Don’t.”

“Please.”

“Adam… don’t,” she repeats, the words growing thick with all the emotions that she had suppressed for so long. She feels the first teardrop fall the second that Adam grabs her hand, his touch pulling an involuntary reaction from her, like it did last night underneath her bedsheets.

“It’s always been you. I’m sorry it took me this long to see it.”

His confession finally causes the damn to break open and it is purely instinctive, the way she collapses into his outstretched arms, her tear-stained cheeks pressing against his still bare chest.

Juliette isn’t sure about the meaning behind her tears, her mind too jumbled to make sense of anything except the feeling of Adam’s strong arms holding her tight. He doesn’t speak; he just lets the emotions pour out, his lips burrowed in her hair. 

There is no denying how wrong this situation is. Nothing would erase the newfound discovery of Adam’s girlfriend waiting in Winnipeg, waiting for a call back. But right now, Juliette can’t seem to find it in herself to care.

Because although she isn’t sure what is true… this, here, being in Adam’s arms feels right.

And if it feels this good, how could it possibly be wrong?

Eventually, Juliette’s tears run out, leaving her only with small sniffles and red eyes. Adam is still holding her, one of his hands running calming circles against her spine. It takes a moment for her to gather enough to strength to push away from him, although she doesn’t go far, content to stay encased in his arms.

“So,” she speaks, brushing away any lingering wetness from her cheeks before looking up towards Adam. “What are we going to do?”

Her heart shouldn’t leap at the sight of a grin breaking out on Adam’s face. But like every reaction that Adam pulls from her, she isn’t sure that she would’ve been able to stop it.

“What do you want me to do? Or need me to do?”

“I mean, breaking up with your girlfriend would be a good start,” Juliette says, trying to infuse some light-hearted teasing into her words. An ease that is quickly squashed by Adam’s response.

“I can’t. Not now.”

“But you said –” she starts, her eyebrow furrowing in confusion before Adam cuts her off, an explanation waiting on his lips.

“I know. And I promise, you are the only one I want, I swear. But I do care about Betty. I can’t just break it off with her over a phone call while she’s a thousand kilometers away. That wouldn’t be fair.”

“So, what does that mean for us, now? Am I just supposed to go on with my life after everything you told me? Are we supposed to go back to how it was before yesterday; when I tried to forget you and you did the same?”

“I never forgot about you,” Adam says, his head ducking down to kiss her but Juliette turns her head before he can.

“You know what I mean, Adam,” she says, sending him a serious look indicating that she wasn’t about to let this go that easily. Adam sighs, shaking his head while shooting her a small smile.

“Always so stubborn,” he murmurs. “There is no way we are going back to never talking. I’m not letting you go that easily, especially now that I finally have you.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

Another sigh escapes Adam’s chest as he looks up towards the ceiling in thought. Juliette waits patiently, wanting him to take the reins in this situation. Especially considering that this… thing was his idea.

“I think it’s best that we keep this,” he says, pulling her closer to emphasize the meaning behind his words, “private. There’s no way I’m not spending another night in your bed for the rest of the summer.”

The sultry cadence of his words causes a rush of heat to rise to Juliette’s cheeks, her head turning away shyly. Or attempting to turn away before Adam catches her chin, pulling her attention back towards his.

“But we can obviously hang out together. Like we did back in high school. No reason that what we do behind these four walls would change how we act outside of them. How’s that sound?”

The question is directed towards Juliette and she lets the proposition sink in, tearing it over in her head. She would be lying if she said she didn’t have reservations. The proposal was an affair – there was no other word that better defined it. But Adam didn’t frame it like that. It was a necessary but temporary situation. Nothing more.

Juliette isn’t sure what makes her shake her head in agreement. If it was desire or fear or desperation. But she doesn’t get a chance to examine the driving emotion further. Because as soon as she gives her silent answer, that smile appears on Adam’s face, the fingers underneath her chin lifting her head up to meet his eyes.

“I promise Jules,” he whispers against her lips. “Just a few months. And then I can be yours completely.”

And when he seals his vow with a kiss to her lips, the only thing that Juliette can put into words is how good it feels to have him right now.

*~*~*~*~*

The summer drifts by and sometimes, Juliette finds her mind drifting with it.

Her and Adam continue their affair. Juliette hates thinking about it like that but there was no other way to describe it. She knew about Betty, about the girl waiting back in Winnipeg for Adam, about the girl who had claimed the spot of partner in Adam’s life long before she did. Juliette doesn’t like to think about Betty though, often banishing any thought of her from her mind. Because thinking about Betty would mean acknowledging her own role in this – the other woman.

But it’s easy to forget whenever her and Adam are alone.

Adam is intoxicating: the way he touches her, the way he kisses her. The hours she spends with him are exhilarating; stolen moments in his car, kisses shared in secrecy behind garden fences and in secluded hallways, evenings in her room with their hips moving in tandem, mornings when Adam dips beneath her covers and looks up at her, grinning like devil from between her thighs.

The voice in the back of Juliette’s mind remains, occasionally speaking up, telling her this is going to end – badly. That she is walking a treacherous path and eventually, she’s going to pay for the missteps that she is making.

However, that voice gets weaker and weaker as the summer goes on.

Because the way Adam treats Juliette… it’s not temporary. Or at least, it doesn’t feel like it is temporary. He doesn’t act like she is some summer fling, something to illicit excitement for a few months and then abandon as soon as the weather turns cold.

No, Adam treats her like this is it, like this is the one romance that he always wanted.

It was dangerous, falling for him again. It left her with nothing but heartache the last time, pining after him: the one that got away.

But then he came back. Fate brought him back to her and he was here now. He was next to her and he was telling her all the things she dreamed about hearing. His sweet words drowned out everything in her mind that was screaming at her, telling her this was wrong.

Because how could it be?

When she woke up next to him, watching the sunlight dance over his skin…

When he wrapped his arms around her and held her close…

When he told her that she was the only one for him…

How could any of that be wrong?

Yes, there were moments where she didn’t want to leave the comfort of the sheets that she and Adam were tangled in. Because leaving the privacy of her bedroom walls meant pretending that he didn’t send a fire burning through her with every look, every touch. And sometimes, she got tired of pretending. Juliette wanted to be able to hold his hand while they were walking down the street, wanted to kiss him in front of their friends, wanted to show the world that he was hers.

But Adam always soothed her, told her that this was the only part of their summer romance that was temporary. She just had to wait a little longer. Just until he saw Betty in person.

Just a few more months.

*~*~*~*~*

The cool breeze blowing in from the lake ruffled Juliette’s hair, the curls still damp and her skin still warm. Adam always loved to kiss the freckles that appeared on her cheeks after the hours she spent in the sun and Jules loved the feeling of his lips on her skin.

She wanted to feel them again.

They had spent the day at the lake with their friends and it was fun and enjoyable. It sent Juliette back to those high school summers where everything was simpler. Sometimes she still found herself wanting to go back there because maybe then she would be braver. Maybe she would’ve told Adam how she felt before he went away.

Juliette feels the warmth of a palm appear on the bare skin of her thigh and her eye dart from the passing woods to Adam’s profile, sitting behind the wheel as he drives her back to his house.

Maybe she could’ve been braver. But he was here now and that was all that mattered.

They had to pretend for the entire day, keeping a friendly distance from each other, only giving into the rising temptation in the backseat of Adam’s car parked in a secluded spot by the lakeshore after all their friends had left. Juliette still wanted more, not quite satisfied. Sometimes it didn’t feel like enough. But these stolen moments… they were enough right now.

And every touch Adam placed against her skin was weighted with the promise of something more to come as soon as the night took hold.

But they would have to pretend for a little longer – long enough to sit through a dinner with Adam’s mother, father, and brother Joel, along with Elsie and Evan. Just like old times.

Juliette is snapped out of her reverie by Adam pulling into his driveway, putting the car in park before smiling over to her.

“Ready?” he asks. Juliette lets out a hum, her eyes darting towards the front door, knowing as soon as they stepped over that threshold, their masks of ‘just friends’ would have fall back into place. Her eyes return to Adam, a playful glint reflecting in them.

“I don’t know if I want to let you go yet.”

Adam doesn’t hesitate in responding to her stalling by leaning over the center console, his hand coming to grip the back of her neck and pulling her close, pressing his lips against hers. She willingly surrenders to the kiss, pushing her body towards him, her hand lifting to grip his wrist and hold him in place. Juliette breaks the kiss, pulling away before nuzzling her head into Adam’s palm, looking up at him with her best bedroom eyes.

The shudder runs through her body as she hears Adam exhale, her lips twitching upwards in delight, loving the response that she could pull from him.

“We’ll stay for two hours, tops,” Adam says, his own darkening eyes dancing over her frame and Juliette can almost see the pictures flashing through Adam’s mind, her own body heating with anticipation.

“I’m holding you to that,” she whispers before fully removing herself from Adam’s touch, opening the car door and slipping out. She doesn’t wait for him as she walks up the front porch steps, swinging open the door and kicking off her slides before following the sounds of conversation, leading her to the kitchen.

When she rounds the corner, her eyes gloss over the scene quickly, noticing Elsie standing next to Adam’s mom by the stove and Evan talking to his dad Dave over on the couch. Juliette is about halfway into the room when the back door opens and Joel walks in, holding an empty platter and tongs with Elsie following closely behind him.

“Wait, Elsie?”

If Elsie was outside then who was –

“Adam! Guess who decided to pop in unexpectedly.”

It’s his mom Elaine that speaks and Juliette knows that behind her, Adam has just stepped into the kitchen. And when the blonde that was standing next to Elaine turns, the blonde that Juliette originally mistook for Elsie, there was no mistaking who it was.

Her face had haunted Juliette even since that morning in late May.

“Betty?”

Hearing her name fall from Adam’s lips feels like a gut-punch but Juliette forces herself to turn and watch as Betty jogs over to him. She tries not flinch when Betty jumps into his arms and Adam easily lifts her up. And it is only a moment before she presses her lips against his.

Juliette barely registers the scattered clapping coming from Adam’s family and their friends over the sentimental reunion and she shakes herself out of her shock just enough to politely join in. Her eyes stay glued onto Adam as he and Betty untangle, the smile pulled across his face, his blue eyes shining bright.

It looks so convincing.

“Surprise!” Betty giggles, holding her hands up in joy. “Miss me?”

“Of course, I did,” he replies, his hands resting on her hips pulling her into another hug, Betty’s head pressed against his chest. It is only then does his eyes dart over towards Juliette and she tries to keep her face as neutral as possible, not wanting to reveal any emotion that would complicate this now dangerous situation they found themselves in.

“How are you here?” Adam asks as Betty pulls away.

“A work trip. Not here, up in Edmonton but I decided to take an extended weekend to come surprise you.”

“Well, consider me very surprised,” Adam says and Juliette turns away as he leans into kiss Betty again.

She had to get out of this kitchen.

So, in the most casual movements that she could muster, Juliette walks over to the backdoor, pushing it open and wandering onto the Lowry’s expansive deck. She spies Joel standing in front of the grill, flipping the chicken breasts for dinner. Juliette goes to him for no real reason except for maybe distraction.

“Hey Julie,” Joel says once she stops next to the grill.

“Hey Joel. You got stuck with grill duty?”

“Looks like it. Dad didn’t want to today and you and Adam weren’t back in enough time so, here I am.”

“So, I’m partially responsible for your predicament?”

“Depends on if you were the reason Adam was late,” Joel jokes, looking over to Juliette with a smile on his face.

Juliette has to push down the heat that threatens to rise as the image of her and Adam in the backseat of his car with his hand between her thighs, flashes through her mind. Instead, she just laughs before her attention is pulled by Elaine and Dave walking outside, followed closely by Elsie and Evan. Adam and Betty appear last and she tries not to feel hurt at the sight of their hands intertwined.

She turns away, looking for another distraction, moving to the cooler placed in the corner of the deck. Juliette manages to fish out a beer and pops it open. But before she can even take a swig, she hears Adam’s voice sound from behind her.

“Hey Jules,” he says and she spins around and comes face-to-face with him and Betty. “Have you met Betty yet?”

Juliette once again must force a different expression on her face, one that disguises her true emotions (like the feeling of wanting to glare daggers in Adam’s direction) before turning to Betty with a smile on her face.

“I don’t think I have,” she says lightly, holding out her hand. “Nice to finally meet you, Betty.”

“Finally meet me? Oh no, please don’t tell me Adam has told you everything about me.” Betty laughs, taking Juliette’s hand.

“Well, we’ve been best friends since high school so he usually tells me everything,” Juliette explains, her eyes darting back to Adam knowing that he understands the insinuation behind her words. “But he’s only painted the best picture of you.”

“That’s good to hear. Want to try to make a good impression, y’know?”

“Totally understandable.”

Their conversation is interrupted by Adam’s dad calling everyone over to their outdoor dining table, ready to serve dinner. And as they all take their places, Juliette finds herself sitting next to Elsie and right across from Adam and Betty. Which means that all throughout dinner, Juliette is forced to watch the two of them.

She has to watch Adam with his arm so casually thrown over Betty’s chair, has to watch his head occasionally dip down to kiss her. She has to sit through a dinner filled with everyone talking about Betty and Adam: about their house in Winnipeg, about their golden retriever Banks, about their life together. An entire life separate from the world of this little Calgary lakeside neighborhood.

A life completely separated from her.

And when Juliette listens to Adam, hears his whispered words to Betty that float over to her on the late summer breeze… they sound so similar to the words that he whispered to her those early mornings, safe beneath her sheets.

Sometimes, Juliette focuses her attention onto Betty, watching as she effortlessly becomes a part of the moment, how she is so at ease with Adam’s family, and how she manages to make even Elsie and Evan laugh. And how in love she is with Adam.

Dinner ends as the night cools and after a few more drinks and a little more conversation, Juliette finds herself walking out the front door with Evan and Elsie close behind, catching a ride back to her apartment with them instead of Adam. For obvious reasons.

And it’s only a few moments until Juliette is curled up in the backseat of Elsie’s convertible, the night air chilling her to the bone as she watches the scenery pass her by, only slightly listening to the conversation being had by Elsie and Evan in the front. Until she hears Adam’s name.

“So, Adam’s girlfriend. What do we think?” Elsie probes, her question dancing on the air.

“She pretty cool. Although it seems kind of weird that this is the first time we’re meeting her but it feels like she’s already met Adam’s family,” Evan muses.

“Yeah, but that’s probably because they go to Winnipeg more than we do. Most likely they met her there along with the rest of Adam’s Winnipeg friends.”

“So, we’re just the less important hometown friends?”

“Well, maybe you are, Evan,” she teases before her twin brother smacks her arm. Juliette can’t stop the smile that tugs at her lips at their antics, a smile that is matched by Evan as he turns to face her.

“What do you think, Julie?”

“About you being less important? I suppose it’s debatable,” she laughs, joining in on Elsie’s teasing.

“No,” Evan says rolling his eyes, still hating whenever the two of them team up against him. “What do you think about Betty?”

Juliette’s smile falters slightly as she turns her eyes back out into the dark forest surrounding the street.

“She seems really nice,” she offers quietly, her voice almost lost to the wind. Juliette can hear a small hum emulate from Evan before he returns to face forward.

The conversation ends there, the rest of the ride to her apartment silent except for the thanks she gives Elsie and Evan when they arrive.

And when she collapses into her bed that suddenly feels too big for just her, she turns towards the empty side, picturing Adam next to her.

*~*~*~*~*

The next thing Juliette registers is her jolting awake from a deep sleep, with the feeling of bile building in her throat, the early morning light filtering through her windows.

She didn’t remember falling asleep. She had no recollection of when she finally drifted off after hours of tossing and turning. But she did remember her dream.

She was standing in her bedroom, separate from her body, watching over the scene like a fly on the wall. Her body was in her bed and Adam was next to her, facing her, that gentle expression on his face as he looked into her eyes. His hand brushed the hair away from her face and Juliette could hear him whisper those sweet words; telling her that she was the only one he wanted, telling her that he loved her.

Juliette watched as he leaned in to kiss her, his hand tangling in her hair, pulling her body close.

It was a familiar scene, one that had played out almost every night they were together in the past two months. But as Juliette continued to watch, the scene began to shift. The body lying next to Adam starts to change: her curls straighten, her dark hair begins to lighten, the freckles on her skin disappear. And when Adam breaks the kiss, the girl below him isn’t Juliette.

It’s Betty, looking up at Adam with her beautiful brown eyes.

Juliette couldn’t look away, watching as Adam brushes back her blonde hair before whispering that he missed her. That two months away from her felt like torture. That he thought he would die if he didn’t have her in his arms.

The same thing he told Juliette that first morning.

She watched the soft smile break across Betty’s face and Juliette had to watch as Adam leaned in, kissing Betty once again.

Juliette’s hands rub across her face, attempting to scrub the dream from her mind. But she knows it is an impossible task, knows she will never be able to forget it.

That dream was a sharp shock back to reality, an upfront confrontation of the situation she found herself in. The situation that she had perpetuated.

This was what Adam was doing to her. This was what they both were doing to Betty.

Adam’s girlfriend was no longer a face on the screen. Her name was no longer something said in passing. She was here. She was real. And the truth would destroy her.

But what was the truth?

Was it the life that Adam and Betty had built together in Winnipeg? Or was it every moment that he and Juliette shared?

Juliette had believed Adam meant every word that he said to her. Back then, when this whole affair first started, she had to believe it. It was the only hope she could hold on to. But she never stopped to think that perhaps that was all it was – hope.

Enough to sustain her but not enough to feed her. No where close to what she actually needed in order to survive.

That voice in the back of her mind – the one that had been silenced as the summer went on – was back in full-force now, screaming at her. Telling her that this would be a disaster, no matter who Adam chose.

If he chose Juliette, Betty would be devastated. The life that she had built in Winnipeg would be destroyed and was Juliette that heartless to not feel a shred of sympathy for the girl whose life she was complicit is ruining?

But if he chose Betty…

Juliette pushes the voice back, silencing it before it could expand on that possibility. Because that couldn’t be real. Adam couldn’t take back everything he had said to Juliette, he wouldn’t. And call her selfish, call her a bitch, call her whatever you wanted to, but Adam was hers.

And he would prove it to her.

Betty was here, in person. Adam could talk to her face-to-face. It was exactly what he had told Juliette to wait for, to be patient for. And the universe blessed them by allowing the moment to happen here, in Calgary where Juliette was, instead of in a city two provinces away.

All Juliette had to do was wait a little longer. And then Adam would be hers. Completely.

Just like he promised.

*~* 3 days later *~*

She’s gone. Can I come over? Message received July 30th at 5:28pm

Door’s unlocked. Message sent July 30th at 5:36pm

*~*~*~*~*

Juliette hears her front door open and it takes all her willpower not to move from her spot on her bed. She hears Adam lock the deadbolt before his assured footsteps move through her apartment towards her bedroom. It only takes a minute until he appears in the doorway, his eyes landing on Juliette sitting on top of her sheets, back against the pillows.

The way his face softens when he sees her makes Juliette’s heart flutter and before she can blink, his long strides cross her room until his shins hit the edge of her mattress. Adam leans forward, his hands reaching out and Juliette feels his callused fingers wrap around her ankles. A gasp is torn out of her mouth as Adam grips her tight, pulling her down the bed towards him. His broad body covers her and he crashes his lips onto hers, throwing her legs around his hips.

Juliette’s reaction is instinctual, following Adam’s lead, legs pulling his hips down to hers, her hands coming to tangle in his hair. The kisses that pass between them are fierce, desperate, and Juliette can feel the desire pouring from Adam as his hands constantly move across her frame.

They move in-sync, bodies rolling against one another as Adam’s lips drift away, moving to her neck as his hands sneak under her t-shirt. Small moans are all that Juliette can muster as Adam’s lips continue to move across her skin, the feeling of his touch after three days of no-contact making her head spin.

A sharp gasp rips from Juliette’s chest as Adam gently bites her throat before moving over the slight indents, marking her. Claiming her once again.

But was she his to claim?

That thought is what jolts Juliette back to the issue that still lingered unresolved between them. The issue of Adam’s girlfriend. And the remembrance of Betty – of her blonde hair and deep brown eyes – crashes over Juliette like a cold morning dip in the lake, dousing the fire of passion that had been steadily building.

“Adam,” she says, her voice a little breathless. Adam does not stop, his lips still moving against her skin and Juliette tries not to get lost in the feeling. “Adam,” she tries again, placing her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to push him away. “Adam! Stop.”

Juliette finally manages to shove Adam off her, her eyes connecting with his as she takes in his puzzled stare, his hands dropping down to rest on her hips as he remains standing over her. The way his hair is mussed and how his pupils are blown wide causes an ache in Juliette that she silences, keeping it at bay until she has the answers that she needs.

“Is it over?” she asks him, propping herself up on her elbows, staring him down.

“Is what over?”

“You and Betty. Is it done?”

Juliette watches as Adam’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, his mouth opening and closing like a fish and his reluctance is what causes Juliette’s frustration to take over.

“Jesus Christ, Adam did you break up with her or not?” she snaps, pushing Adam’s hands off her body as she sits upright, Adam retreating a few steps back, either in shock or politeness, giving her space. The answer seems to be shock when Adam speaks again.

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean ‘what am I talking about’? She was here, Adam. You were face to face with her. You could breakup with her in person. Isn’t that what you were waiting for?”

“Jules,” Adam starts again, moving back towards his, his hands outstretched. “I –”

“No,” Juliette says, lifting herself up off the bed and placing a hand on his chest, stopping his forward momentum. “You don’t get to avoid this. Did you or did you not break up with her?”

Juliette can feel Adam’s chest raise under her palm in a sigh, his eyes turning away from her to stare out the window. The pause continues to stretch between them and because of that, because of how long it is taking Adam to tell her the truth, Juliette already knows what the truth is before he says it.

“I couldn’t do that to her.”

However, even though she knew those were going to be the words he spoke, it didn’t mean they hurt any less.

“Why not?” Juliette asks, feeling the cracks in her heart start to form as she stares at Adam, trying to decipher his expression, trying to see into his mind and find out what he was thinking.

“Because… she was only here for a weekend. And if I told her, she would have had to go back to our house and pack up and do that all herself. Jules, it would be cruel.”

“Oh, so you want to hold her hand through it all?” Juliette scoffs and it’s her anger that pulls Adam’s eyes back to her. “What makes you think she would even want you around? Maybe, if you broke up with her, she would welcome the distance. Especially when you told her about me and you.”

“She can’t know.”

“She can’t know what?”

“She can’t know I’m breaking up with her because of you.”

“Because of me?” Juliette asks, her voice incredulous and it is only then do the floodgates open. “Oh, okay, so, this is my fault now?”

“Jules, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Adam tries to explain taking another step towards her but Juliette holds up her hand again while taking a step away from him.

“No, no, I see how it is. I’m the one that lead you into temptation and now I’m the one demanding that you break up with your girlfriend. Is that right?” Juliette rants, the tears building steadily, her voice getting thick.

“Jules – ”

“Because she’s all yours. She’s the one you want. You would die if you didn’t have her, right? Because it’s always been Betty. Hasn’t it?”

There is a pause as Juliette lets her words sink in, lets Adam register and recognize them. The words that he whispered in this same bedroom every morning he woke up here. And when Juliette sees that realization wash over Adam’s face, she doesn’t even try to stop the small satisfied huff of laughter that escapes. Even though it ends up sounding more like a sob as the tears finally start falling down her freckled cheeks.

“Or is that me? Are those the things that you told me? Back when you promised that all I had to do was be patient and then you would be mine completely,” she continues, not bothering to brush the tears away. “You think that breaking up with Betty is cruel? What do you think this is? What do you think about what you’re doing to me?”

Juliette holds Adam’s stare, almost forcing him to look at her, to see how much he was hurting her. She wanted him to know there was no hiding from this, there was no running from this. This is what he did and now he had to face it.

“You can’t have both of us, Adam. If you want me the way you’ve said that you want me, then you have to choose me. Because I can’t do this with you anymore.”

The ultimatum hangs in the air, awaiting Adam’s response and Juliette hangs with it. She watches as Adam tears his eyes away from her, his head ducking down in defeat. He speaks again, his voice so soft that under any other circumstance, Juliette might be straining to hear him. But the words he says ring loudly throughout the room, ricocheting right into her chest and shattering her already fragile heart.

“I’m sorry Jules but… I can’t. Not right now.”

The words cut like a shotgun shot to the heart and she collapses back onto the edge of her bed, the hurt clearly painted on her face. She continues to look at him, hoping he would glance up and maybe take back his words. But when he doesn’t – when Adam’s eyes stay locked to the wooden floor, she finally tears her own eyes away from him, pushing back the tears that were still coming.

“Then get out. Get out of my house. Get out of my life,” Juliette chokes out, trying desperately to put as much malice behind the words as she could. “I never want to see you again.”

The room is silent for a moment until Juliette hears Adam move and the sound of his footsteps retreat, the distance between her and him growing further and further with every step. She listens to the sound of them fading, his departure finally punctuated by the echo of her front door closing.

And when that sound hits her eardrums, that’s when the rest of her strength gives out and Juliette’s head collapses into her hands, the tears now falling freely. She sits there and weeps; she doesn’t know how long for. She just cries until the tears are gone, until she feels like she has properly mourned the loss.

The loss of everything she could’ve had.

The loss of everything she never really had to begin with.

*~*~*~*~*

In the aftermath, Juliette attempts to heal. Attempt being the opportune word.

It is difficult, one of the worst breakups that she had ever experienced. Even though she didn’t know if this could even be classified as a breakup. What was it called when you lost someone who was never actually yours?

Still, the lack of definition didn’t dull the pain. In fact, it just exacerbated it. Her heart felt like it was cut open and she had to try to stich it back together. She had to sweep up the ashes of the once blazing passion that had now been extinguished. She had to try and move on.

But moving on was easier said than done. Especially when Adam’s ghost came back to her every night and every morning, she swore that she could still taste him on her lips. It became so bad that eventually she would just lie in bed staring at the ceiling fan, picking apart everything; every word spoken to her, every interaction they shared to see if there was an indication that this would be the inevitable conclusion, until sleep finally overtook her.

She spends days alone in her apartment, drinking every bottle of wine that she owned trying to erase Adam from her mind.

She ignores messages from friends, inviting her out to parties and hangouts because she knew there was a possibility that Adam would be there. And she wasn’t strong enough to face him without being pulled back into his inescapable gravity.

But the solitude doesn’t help either. Because in the silence contained within her apartment walls, all Juliette had was her thoughts. And her thoughts are anything but kind.

They were filled with the memories of Adam and her. They were filled with the knowledge that Adam is going to go back to Betty. It makes her sick to think of Adam holding Betty close, of him never telling her about what he did this summer, about Adam lying to her face and Betty being none the wiser.

But it also makes her sick to think about Adam holding Betty to him and continuing to build a life with her. Leaving Juliette and everything he promised her behind.

Juliette’s distance is eventually noticed and one day, Elsie and Even show up on Juliette’s doorstep, demanding to know what was going on.

And Juliette tells them everything. Everything.

She is terrified that they would judge her, criticize her for willingly going along with something so immoral for months. But they don’t. Perhaps it was because they felt sorry for her. Perhaps it was because they understood that while she carried some of the blame, she was more so an accomplice rather than the perpetrator. Perhaps it was because it was easy to blame the man that had only reappeared after eight years of absence rather than the friend that had been by their side for almost thirteen years.

Whatever the reason, they threw themselves into helping Juliette heal.

It felt like high school again; sleepovers at each other’s houses, staying up all night watching terrible movies, talking until the sun came up. Going to parties together and staying by each other’s sides for the entire night. And whenever they corralled Juliette out of a party early, she knew in the back of her mind it was because Adam had shown up. But she didn’t mind because it meant that they were watching out for her. And for that she was thankful.

There were still times where Elise drank a little too much, the alcohol loosening her tongue as she trashes Adam, cursing him for what he had done. And Juliette has to stop herself from defending the man that broke her heart. But those moments were few and far between.

Juliette never pushed away Elsie or Evan’s support, regardless of whether or not they saw things differently. Because without them, she was certain she would still be waking up alone, hungover and heartbroken.

However, while Elsie and Evan were a great help, Juliette was learning to heal without them.

At one point, Juliette started to drive to lakeside alone, late at night. It was there where she stood out on the shore, watching the moonlight ripple over the still water. Sometimes she would dive in, letting the late summer waves wash away any lingering heartache.

It was there that her examination of her relationship with Adam and the words he had said to her yielded a harsh truth; she had never known him. Nostalgia and lust twisted Adam into someone he wasn’t. When he was lying next to her, twisted in her bedsheets, he was an angel, washed pure by the flame he had ignited within Juliette.

That was the reason losing him hurt so much. Because in that moment, on that day in July, he told her exactly who he was. And the illusion had shattered.

Some nights, she wished he remained unknown to her.

Some nights, she wished he never came back into her life.

That way she could’ve kept the memory of the sweet boy from high school. The one who was assigned the seat next to her in homeroom because their last names were only a few letters apart. The one who welcomed her into his friend group without hesitation. The one who quickly became her best friend.

The person she fell in love with all those summers ago.

But that wasn’t who he was anymore. And so, Juliette finally learned to let the fantasy go.

August slipped away.

And so did Adam.

*~*~*~*~*

The strong knock on Juliette’s door pulls her attention away from the oven filled with sweet potato fries. She glances at her watch, confused that Elsie had arrived almost an hour earlier than she said she would. But Juliette shrugs, moving from the kitchen to the entryway, ready to let her in.

Maybe it was a good thing that Elsie was early. After all, based on how this season of the Bachelor was going, Juliette thought that it might be a good idea for the two of them to chug a glass of wine before even starting the finale.

Juliette doesn’t bother looking through her peephole, unlocking the door and swinging it open. But when she sees the silhouette of the person standing on her doorstep, she realizes that she should’ve at least double-checked to see who was standing outside.

Because standing there on the other side of her threshold… was Adam.

The man that she hadn’t seen or interacted with in almost two months.

“Can I come in?” he asks, the baseball cap perched on his head, his piercing blue eyes peering out from underneath the brim.

Juliette knows that the right thing to do would be to slam the door in his face. She told him that she never wanted to see him again and he had done a good job at disappearing from her life, just like she asked. But now he was back, standing on her doorstep, asking to be let in.

And before Juliette can think better of it, she’s stepping to the side, a silent invitation for Adam to enter her apartment.

He accepts, walking in and taking off his hat, his hand coming to run through his hair as he takes in the scene of her living room.

“The Bachelor?”

“Yeah, the season finale is tonight,” she explains, closing the door behind her, her eyes never leaving Adam’s frame.

“Expecting someone else?” he asks, vaguely pointing to the bottle and two wine glasses perched on her glass coffee table.

“Elsie.”

Adam’s reply is a hum as his eyes continue to dart around the room. It isn’t until now that Juliette realizes that he has yet to look at her.

“What are you doing here Adam?” she asks, crossing her arms in front of her, the sharpness of her voice finally pulling Adam’s attention to her. She hates the way her heart still lets out a small flutter at the sight of his expression softening as his eyes land on her.

“I just want to say that I was wrong. For not doing exactly what you asked me to.”

“What do you – ”

“I’m going to break up with Betty,” he says, cutting off her question. The words are uttered so fast that it takes a moment for Juliette to fully register them. And when she does, she can feel her expression twist from confusion to disbelief. Adam reads her reaction before continuing.

“I go back to Winnipeg in a week and as soon as I’m there, I’m going to tell her it’s over.  But I just wanted to tell you first.”

“Why?” Juliette asks, feeling her heart start to pound in the anticipation of receiving Adam’s response.

“I was hoping that…” he starts, his words stilted and awkward as his gaze reverts to darting around the room. Juliette watches as he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as if he was readying himself to say the words he was about to speak. His eyes return to hers and Juliette can feel her breath catch in her throat at the fierce determination in his gaze.

“I still feel the same way that I did about you, Jules. You’re the only one for me and I’m sorry that I made you wait so long to hear me say this. I never wanted to hurt anyone but because of that, I ended up hurting you. I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

Every sentence, every declaration is punctuated by Adam taking a step towards her and Juliette doesn’t retreat, doesn’t move. Just lets him continue his steady approach until his hands are resting on her hips, holding her close.

“I want all of you, Jules,” he whispers, leaning down to press a kiss into the crown of her head. “My beautiful Jules.”

It was everything that Juliette had wanted to hear, everything she waited for during those three months of sneaking around, of stolen moments and pretty lies. And perhaps if the two of them were still back there, back in the heat of June, back at the beginning of summer with all it’s hope possibility, perhaps Juliette would take him back.

But now, in the September chill… it was too little, too late.

“Let go of me, Adam,” she whispers, keeping her body stiff in his hold. She doesn’t relax until she feels Adam’s hands withdraw and it is only when she feels the space between the two of their bodies widen that she looks up at him.

“I don’t – I don’t believe you,” she says and as soon as the words hit Adam, Juliette can see the distance appear in his eyes. There is still a small part of her body that aches as she can see the defeat wash over him but she continues, not willing to let him strip away the strength that she found in his absence. “I can’t trust you, Adam. And there’s no way I can know that you mean what you say. Especially when you’re in another city, a thousand kilometers away.”

Juliette lets her words linger in the air between them, willing Adam to listen to her, to understand how he hurt her the last time he was in her apartment, when he went back on the same exact promise. The pause lasts for a minute or two before a small sigh falls from Juliette’s lips.

“I can’t go through this with you again.”

The rejection feels like a slamming door, shutting out any lingering warmth from a summer love that seemed so real. But even though it hurt and even though there was still a part of Juliette that wanted to chase the sun and bask in its light for a little while longer, she knew that if she did, she would just get burned.

Both her and Adam stand there, appraising each other and she knows that one of them is going to break first, one of them is going to take back the words just spoken. But it wasn’t going to be her. Maybe she used to be willing to give up everything to keep him close – because even though it would hurt, she would get to wake up next to him every morning – but she couldn’t do it now.

Finally, Adam sighs, understanding that he lost the battle.

“I understand,” he says, moving towards the front door, passing by Juliette with a brush of his arm against hers.

But unlike the last time Adam left her apartment, Juliette turns to watch him leave. Her eyes track his movement to the front door, watching as he swings it open. But before he steps out into the autumn evening, he looks back at her and Juliette can see the ocean waves of sadness in his blue eyes.

“Jules,” he whispers. There is an exquisite pang that echoes through the chambers of her heart at the nickname, the nickname meant only for her. A name that she will most likely never hear again. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too.”

Her words are the final sentence spoken, Adam walking out and closing the door behind him. And Juliette expects that seeing him leave would hurt just as much as it did the last time.

But it doesn’t.

*~*~*~*~*

I think about us a lot. I don’t know if it’s the end of the chapter and you’ll return later on or it’s the end of the story. But I love you. I miss you. I’m sorry this is the way it became.

[onthecuterside]

BTS English songs

Bad Decisions prompted folks to rank their English releases/collabs yesterday.

I was going to reply off the cuff but decided to actually make a playlist on repeat and give them the attention they deserved. The results surprised me a bit. Criteria: mainly does the song move me some kind of way - eg to want to dance, or get in my feels? Are the lyrics, rhythm, melody, instrumentation etc interesting? Does the song stay in my head? How do BTS fare?

Who. This surprised me but it was the song in my head this morning, and in the playlist the first notes made my heart lurch with anticipation. It's a really pretty song and it brings back all kinds of heartache that I sometimes enjoy wallowing in. I love the pizzicato strings, the melody is interesting and builds so powerfully to the chorus each time. Jikook sound lovely (their English diction has definitely improved since then but their musicality is on point). Lyrics are OK, I don't cringe when singing along.

2. My Universe. Overall an uplifting bop, I definitely looked forward to it coming up on the playlist. The baseline is funky. The variety of sections and voices provide contrast but blend seemlessly, they keep the energy moving forward. BTS are at their best singing in Korean imo. My fave bit is the reprise at the end where the synths are staccato and everyone yells after the slight pause; I always want to slam dance at that point.

3. Left and Right. The song got in my head, it's well constructed pop, a catchy hook, the lyrics do "can't get you outta my head" in a more imaginative way than usual. I have a thing about lyrics that don't scan well (y'know, when the emPHAsis is on the wrong sylLAble) so JK's "how much more do I gotta do for the pain" grates just a smidgen, but that's not on him. Same for Charlie's "E-rase your body". That's just my personal bugbear, lol. The duet/harmony works well, imo. The bridge is a bit cheesy, musically ("did ya know you're the one...").

4. Bad Decisions. Also catchy, funky bass makes me want to bop. I like the oohs and aahs, I would have pumped the echo up, personally. Points lost for (1) my bare face making JK sick? Didn't come across as a compliment lol. Also JM wants my name. What? (2) The "I can't let you just walk away" bridge was a bit incongruous, musically. (3) Snoop's verses. Meh.

5. Butter. NGL this surprised me. Butter has a special place in my heart as the song in which I discovered that these guys had my soul (esp. hotter remix). But trying to listen objectively alongside the other songs, I winced a bit when the flat drum machine sound comes in. Otherwise the song hangs together well musically. The lyrics are... okay.

6. Dynamite. Truthfully this song captures the disco feel really well, but it's a cheesy sound. IMO the vocals are overproduced. Also, I just can't with the lyrics.

7. Make It Right. The original is one of my healing songs, okay, so how do I judge this version? On re-listening, I realise I'm just here for Jimin's voice, and Lauv's verse is simply a disappointment in comparison. Sorry, Lauv!

8. Permission to Dance. Unlike the members, this song just didn't know how to land for me. I won't say more.

****

I'm not sure @ the criteria for this list, because they are not all 100% English songs - like if Agust D's collabs were in there then Burn It would be #1 for me. I goddam love that song.

✌🏾Peace

[earnestly-endlessly]

Hiii could you rec any fics where Erik or Charles or both are vampires and or werewolves?

Thank you so much dear lots of love

I'm so sorry for being so late with this, but in compensation I do have tons of fics that should quench your thirst for some vampire/werewolf cherik. Enjoy!

Vampire

And the Gunslinger Followed – musical_emjay

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr hunts the things that go bump in the night.

He’s done so since he was a child, since the first time his mother put a knife in his hand and told him how to use it, told him why he should.

But ten years alone on the road has caught up to him, left him wrung out and longing for a place to rest, recharge, get his head back on straight. Though nowhere has ever truly felt like home, he heads straight for New York City, a place that’s always had more to offer him by way of warmth and comfort than any other. What he finds when he gets there, however, is several miles south of anything approaching restful. Old acquaintances, old memories, and a mysterious stranger who has him forgetting all his rules — Erik soon realizes there are decisions he needs to make, before circumstances intervene and make them for him. Otherwise, he might not like the result.

An Accident of Circumstance – manic_intent

Summary: Secret Santa, for azryal00, prompts: virginity, stalking or vampire AU. Decided to attempt all, in one fic. As part of a reward for his successes in border skirmishes, Sebastian Shaw allows Erik discretion to create a childe of his own, within reason. Erik rebels.

B-Negative – manic_intent

Summary: Written for the 5 Acts thing on livejournal, for toestastegood's 'Vampire AU' Act. This was originally going to be some sort of True Blood parody, but it somehow became a bit more serious. :/

Bloodbound – ikeracity

Summary: Finding himself strapped for cash at the start of his senior year, Erik decides to become a donor at TypO, a blood bar where vampires come to drink fresh blood from consenting donors, safely and legally. There, he catches the eye of Charles Xavier, vampire, telepath, professor at Columbia, and quite possibly the most alluring person Erik's ever met. Their first meeting sets into motion a bond much deeper than they can understand, one that neither of them had ever expected.

Old Metal (Blood, Memory and Rubber Ducks) – pprfaith

Summary: Erik is a vampire. Sookie, err, Charles is a telepath. Any questions?

Food Allergies – madneto

Summary: A bout of insomnia one fateful night leads Erik to Xavier's, the late night bookstore near Columbia University, whose owner Erik quickly decides is the best thing since... well, since maybe ever. Charles is brilliant, funny, passionate, handsome, and every other good adjective Erik can think of, and even though they've only been on three dates, Erik is convinced this is the start of something perfect.

Then Charles has a bad reaction to the food Erik cooks for them on their fourth date, leaving Erik to wonder if maybe he's completely botched his one chance at true love.

Series

The Price for Eternity – madneto

Summary: Erik and Charles are relaxing in the park when Erik decides to ask Charles a question that has long been on his mind, re: vampires. The answer is unexpected.

Series

The Boy with the Sigil Tattoo – keire_ke

Summary: Buffy AU. The story of a boy and his vampire.

Love and Other Secrets – Microsaur

Summary: Erik is a vampire that would much rather be left alone, Charles is a baronet that can't seem to accept that.

The First One – SassyDuckQueen

Summary: Erik Lehnsherr is a vampire living in a peaceful life in New York City, where he works as a night time security guard at the Pentagram. He's in a relationship with Charles Xavier, a young professor at a private university. However, his life is thrown upside down by the return of his wayward son, Peter, who informs him that an old enemy has resurfaced.

Series

Blood Bound – WaxRhapsodic

Summary: Charles is sick. Again. He decides to do something drastic about it and take a Blood Contract with a Vampire who turns out to be dangerously attractive.

Night Holds No Redemption – isabella

Summary: Vampire Hunters AU

When vampires roam the city at night there are also those who will hunt them down.

Charles Xavier and James “Logan” Howlett are vampire hunters part of the NIB – Night Investigation Bureau, in New York. When Erik, a vampire Charles failed to kill, comes back to haunt him Charles finds he no longer can run from his past and has to face the truth about the monster he created.

Pairing info: Flashbacks are Charles/Erik, present focuses first on the growing relationship between Logan/Charles, then on Charles/Erik.

Endgame will be Charles/Erik.

Night Life – Ook

Summary: he young journalist, or researcher, or whatever he is, is going to get himself in trouble around here. Erik can tell.

A researcher who doesn't know when to stop.

A man who doesn't take no for an answer.

A vampire that doesn't give interviews.

Werewolf

Dancing in the Rain – Pangea, velvetcadence

Summary: Werewolf alpha Erik found a human pup Charles alone in the forest and took him back to his lair. Erik protected and cared for the boy, though he was barely a mature wolf himself.

A few years passed, Charles grew up so pretty, and Erik was afraid he would miss his kind and go back to them, leaving Erik to be alone again - but Charles stayed and chose to be Erik’s mate.

Moon Song – ikeracity

Summary: Werewolf AU. When Charles is captured by hunters, Erik and his pack go after him. It turns out there might be some room for redemption left for both of them after all.

Loyalty and Obedience – Ook

Summary: A human rent boy working the streets gets rescued from a pimp by the Lehnsherr Pack Head and his Second on a recruitment trip. Werewolves, huh?

Who knows where this one's going?

Skin Deep – manic_intent

Summary: Written for the kmeme, Everyone-is-a-werewolf AU. Erik happens upon a seemingly abandoned mansion in Westchester during a full moon and finds an insanely clueless werewolf living in isolation.

In Escrow – manic_intent

Summary: Same 'verse as Skin Deep, between the final part and the epilogue. Charles abruptly realizes that he's unable to shift forms after a full moon. Which can only mean one thing.

Supernatural and the Scientist – Caradee

Summary: Charles Xavier is a upcoming geneticist and wildlife biologist who’s next big thesis reveals a little to much about the hidden werewolf community. Now Erik Lehnsehrr is suppose to figure out who it is feeding Xavier the information and put an end to it.

However, things are not what they appear.

Open Season – Caradee

Summary: Charles is a adorable omega wolf who has no sense for pack dynamics and wanders on his own. Erik is the exhausted Alpha of the pack who is unfortunately smitten with him. Its hunting season, nothing can go wrong. Right?

Only Hope – onaxe

Summary: According to werewolf law, an unwed Omega cannot legally hold custody of a child. When Charles is challenged for custody over his 17 year old sister, Raven, he desperately turns to the only solution available. He marries a complete stranger, Alpha Erik Lehnsherr, who is haunted by a mysterious past.

Note: Unfinished but a fun read.

Tooth and Nail – TurtleTotem

Summary: Erik is no longer part of Charles's pack. It's none of his business who he takes as a mate.

Vampires and Werewolves

For you, Eternity – gerec, lachatblanche

Summary: Erik still remembers the day he lost everything to a pack of werewolves; his family, his village, and the love of his life. Left with nothing but regret and pain everlasting, he turns to Sebastian Shaw - who promises revenge in exchange for loyalty eternal.

For centuries, he leads his clan of vampires in a war against their hated enemy, the same werewolf pack responsible for the slaughter of Erik’s village. But now Logan - the pack’s new leader - wants to make peace with their age old adversaries; an act that neither side particularly cares to pursue.

Adding to this volatile mix is one Charles Xavier, scientist and academic, drawn to the continent by his fascination for the supernatural and the locals’ tales of love, betrayal and never-ending war…

On the Scent – dedkake

Summary: The full moon is nearing and Charles decides to visit his neighbor.

Does not ebb – StarkMad

Summary: prompt: "...I would love a fic with Charles and Erik in an Underworld AU basically with Charles as Selene's character and Erik as Michael Corvin's character

and/ooor nonnie could do an Underworld: Rise of the Lycans and Charles as Sonja's character and Erik as Lucian (feel free and make me cry, dearest nonnie) feel free to do whatever you want as long as the AU still remains identifiable (and just kill me with tons of Chares and Erik drama and lurve and heartache and whatever.

Dear Neighbour Mine – issabella

Summary: Fill for the prompt by Lonelyparts: Charles is a telepathic werewolf living next door to a vampire who favours severe black turtlenecks and metal coffins.

Of course they have to annoy each other first, before dangerous circumstances bring them together.

[pacifymebby]

What is your favourite novel/story of all time?

Like what’s your favourite book story?

Like give me a list of ur top five books

or like ur must reads.

And then like most heartbreaking reads?

Most exciting reads?

Most liberating read?

Couldn’t put it down read?

Idk just fucking tell me what u like to read just fucking fuck me already

Even better- what’s ur favourite lyrical story like a poem that’s a song ygm.

It's taken me so long to answer these but!!! My favourite ask omg!!!

My favourite novel? Oh god so hard!!

I think one of my favourite books ever is Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

There's going to be more than 5! Sorry!!

1. The Birds - Daphne Du Maurier its a short story and the collection of stories is ace but this is just haunting and uncanny and I really really want you to go and read it outside somewhere you can hear birds because Holy Shit does that really make it!!

2. Greif is the Thing With Feathers - Max Porter, it's his debut, its inspired by Ted Hughes Crow and its divine. Poetic and moving and just ugh. Its a sit down and read all in an hour book too it's just ugh ❤️

3. Communion - Bell Hooks, it's non fiction, every woman should read this, it will SPEAK to your soul and like the inner 17 year old who is lost and obsessed with needing to find someone who loves you/will look after you. It's just wonderful. It talked me out of a really subtly abusive relationship too it's great.

4. Self Help - Lorrie Moore. Again these short stories will just speak to you. They're clever they're sarcastic and they're just wonderful. It's feminism but subtle and not like, the point of the stories isn't inherently feminist, it's stories that you can tell we're written by a woman. They could only have been written by a woman.

5. The Waves - Virginia Woolf is just so melodically written. The rhythm is hypnotic I love it.

6. Despair - Nabakov IT'S SO CLEVER AND UNCANNY AND subtly horrifying? Love it!

7. Anna Karenina - Tolstoy, tbh I love Tolstoy and this and War and Peace are two of my absolute favourite books ever!!! They're incredible, he genuinely was a huge genius.

8. Idk whether u know this but I'm a massive trot and everything trotsky wrote about the October Revolution is a big rec from me.

9. My Brilliant Friend - Elena Ferante

I really love how she captures girlhood and the pains of growing up. The class themes too, the whole thing is great and I've seen a lot of hate for this book but it's totally undeserved!!

💔💔Most heartbreaking reads 💔💔

Grief is the Thing With Feathers - I kmow I've mentioned this but I cried and cried and cried.

I also found Jack Kerouacs On the Road to be heartbreaking in many ways, sorrow is the main theme which really runs through the work of the beats. Bohemia was a heartbreaking world to be a part of. The reality of the lives of the beats were bleak and aching and full of yearning. Women were carted off to asylums for expressing themselves! The men were drug and alcohol dependent. They were hopeless and the hope in their writing flows directly from this defeated, down an out, beat attitude.

Anyway it's very sad actually, on the road is a tragedy and a celebration of tragic lives, a weak attempt at preserving doomed young men.

It made me cry anyway, I'll shut up now.

White Nights - Fyodor Dostoevsky

It's just sad ya know, I'm a big simp for loneliness. Anything with a lonely feeling to it is good, those heartache sorrow pains you know. Love it.

Little Women killed me!! I love this book but oh man the pain the pain in my fragile heart

Les Miserables - Victor Hugo + the phantom of the opera - Gaston Leroux

Both of these are melancholic and dark in a very French way and I adore them both but God are they sad. Phantom is darker and more tense than the musical but i also find it more sad? It broke my heart anyway.

Les mis is obviously heartbreaking, no one is picking that up and expecting happy.

Most exciting Reads

Dark Materials!! Philip pullman. Read these as a kid when other kids were into Harry Potter and like, I think it's the reason am how I am. It's more violent and the symbolism is great but also enchanting. The idea of having your own daemon and an alithiometer to ask whatever question u like. Be amazing!! Also the shitting on the church, I enjoyed the massive conspiracy about the Catholic Church. Love it.

The Hobbit /Lord of the Rings

I guess I don't really need to sell these because everyone knows these books but they're just such wonderful stories. Again I read them as a child and I just adore them! I used to spend all my days as a child thinking these books over and over and just ugh <3

Good Omens - Terry Pratchet/Neil Gaimen.

I read this in two days its so so gripping and good and funny and entertaining has to be one of my favourite books ever!!! It's about an angel and a demon who have been on earth since the end of time and they are best friends (gay for eachother) and they have to save the world from the antichrist who is born in a little English village. It is wonderful.

Lysistrata

So this is a Greek comedy, it's great. I read it for college and just loved it!! It's about a woman denying all the men sex in order to end a war. What more can you want.

The Secret History - Donna tart

This isnt so much exciting like a thriller but u do really get sucked in, I couldn't put it down once I got into it. Starts slow but the characters are brilliant wee antiheroes. You can't stand anyone but u really are invested and you need to know what happens. You get to the end of the book and they're still a little bit of a mystery. You wanna know them in depth but u can't possibly and I love that.

Most Liberating Reads

Communion Bell Hooks - this was liberating and beautiful it taught me so much about myself and about womanhood and the challenge of love in a modern world. Wanting love in a feminist world which teaches you love is about submission when it! Isn't! It was freeing to read.

Little Birds Anais Nin

It's a collection of erotic short stories, I just love that at the time if men like Henry Miller Anais nin was earning her money writing erotica and like, that's just cool ya know?

How to be an Other Woman - Lorrie Moore

Idk man there's just something about this short story it's just, men are trash but you will be fine. I think the way she describes how a man can ruin you but you can come out superior in a way, is just. There was something about it that was nice and freeing. I find freedom in knowing I'm not the only one going through heartache. Communion in ur suffering its a religious experience and its freeing as fuck.

Tropic of Cancer/Capricorn Henry Miller

The man was a cunt but, the thrill of bohemian Paris is just divine and I love how spirited a writer he is. I felt on top of the world and like I could go off and escape my misery after reading these!

The Second Sex - simone de beauvoir

I had read so many people who referenced this before I read it but God they were right, it's incredible. It's striking too.

Culture of Narcissism - Christopher Lasch

This is sick, and I know I sound like a Red Scare hoe reccing this book but it says so much about modern society considering how it was written at the end of the 60s. It just spoke to me and it did feel freeing, I felt freed from the constrictive kind of culture we now live in. I love it. Some of it isn't great, some of it is dated and u think "shit Christopher be quiet!!" but the bits he gets right are incredible.

Confederacy of Dunces - Liberating because its just funny, spent the whole time reading it giggling.just daft 💖💖

Couldn't put it down read

I very recently read In the Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami and it was really really intriguing and horrifying and just wow. Could not put it down, dreamt about it. Was nuts.

The Shining - Stephen King again just gripping and haunting ya know. Couldn't stop reading it for even a second.

I actually also read Lolita in like two days because it was gripping and I was horrified but also captivated by the whole thing!

The Turn of the Screw - Henry James haunting, gripping. Anything haunting I tend to have to read all in one go tbh.

So poems and lyrics and stuff, this is gonna be tricky but, Pushkins poetry is very lyrical and song like and I am a sucker for that.

My favourite poets are Dylan Thomas and Seamus Heaney and Sylvia Plath though. I find Seamus Heaneys imagery and story telling is gorgeous and it really conjures an image and like communicates it beautifully.

Sylvia is emotive poetry hers are like chaotic little lyrics.

And a lot of Dylan Thomas poetry is lyrical and beautiful. Some of the lines in his are gorgeous.

Thank you for this ask I would love to talk to anyone and everyone about books this is my favourite subject!! ❤️❤️❤️

[solactier]

This one’s for you @heytherestilinski

This is going to be quite the mixture of emotions, so I apologise in advance if my expression of said feelings is all over the place, but I simply must talk about the golden fanfiction that is Heat Waves and how it has swayed my soul with sounds of sweet bells.

To start, I should say, I’ve been in love with writing and reading for as long as I can remember. The ability to weave an entire world with mere threads of words is fascinating to me, always has been. I’ve taken in quite the number of books and fanfictions throughout my period of living, and considering so, I can confidently say:

Dakota’s writing is a force to be reckoned with.

But the force I speak of is the kind that is emitted from ember sunrises that one witnesses during moments between summer and autumn. They hold a certain glow that keeps a person sat there, for incessant hours, in pursuit of a special warmth that will leave them settled and content.

I have never been captured and pulled in by a descriptive style more than I was with Dakota’s, and I say this having read a multitude of her work. This author is admirable in a multitude of ways, and I’m genuinely excited for anything and everything they will produce in the upcoming future. 

I could ramble for a good bout of time about many of Dakota’s works, but that would result in a document longer than Dream’s 19 page rebuttal, so let’s focus on one (for now).

Heat Waves

Two words that hold a grand amount of weight and cause hearts to shift.

I have a lot to say about this prosperous and glorious story, but at the same time I don’t because upon finishing a chapter, be it one of the first or the last, I am rendered speechless. My words of explanation and admiration morph into vibrations of zeal flowing through my veins as I absorb beautiful descriptions and powerful dialogue.

Heat Waves chapters aren’t ones I find myself totally rereading often, and here’s why:

When reaching the end of whatever chapter and scrolling through the final notes, I am left satisfied, completely. Dakota’s style is captivating in a way that allows me to read their sentences and phrases carefully and attentively, making sure the picture painted in my mind is as accurate as possible. I will encounter a certain, strong line and read it again, and again, and again before continuing on as to ensure I consume the sentiment being served, and mind you, it was served.

I came here at first expecting the usual or normal plate-size of feelings, but oh was I wrong, I was quenched, fully fed, if you will lol.

The reason for that is this narrative is not your typical fanfic troupe.

Heat Waves is a story about messy, unpredictable love, and that’s what makes it as enthralling as it is. It is poetic as it is real.

It’s thrilling lust turned to excruciating yet oh so warm love.

Dream misses and wants to hold onto George’s presence regardless of the pain it causes him, of the internal conflicts that have suddenly surfaced, of the changes he must face and make, of the haunting dreams. 

Even if George’s actuality distresses and brings Dream affectionate confusion, he will still reach for him. He will hurt and hurt and hurt in order to grasp the heat he’s grown a little too addicted to because he prefers when George is around, rather than when he isn’t. 

Dream’s mind spirals and his feelings scatter over interactions due to him knowing George very well, yet not knowing him at all. The two could flirt and exchange the most ridiculous of dialogue and nothing would change, and that’s where a certain dilemma is contrived: How much of this is real? What is considered serious among the numerous jokes him and George make? How far is he allowed to go? All of these questions tug at the curves of Dream’s brain and heart, and he is unsure about much, but despite that, he finds himself thinking all about George, during late nights, in the middle of June. 

Dream undergoes a series of emotional disputes over whatever the fuck is happening between himself and George, and that, my friends, is the heartache that comes from truly having feelings for someone and wanting their every speckle. Of course, such strong desires can sometimes be unhealthy. Dream, at one point, is a bad friend to Sapnap (whom we all must agree to stan because damn sir your back must be hurting from carrying your two idiot friends’ passionate but disordered baggage. a king) by ignoring his calls and messages due to being caught up, tied, and trapped in the strings of yearning. This one guy is doing so much damage to Dream, but he’s fallen too far down the pit of affection to care, in fact, he luxuriates in it.

(I also honestly do not blame Dream for playing the song on loop, because same, really does make you feel things)

Dream loves George. He loves George so much that the simplest of phrases and statements set his nerves ablaze and sparks his soul with hope.

It’s so painful but so fucking invigorating.

Which is why, at one point or another, he must learn to let go, not completely, but enough to stop the analysing and obsessing and sweating and dreaming, and that’s what’s so enticing about this tale, that among the reaching, there must be patience in order to reach something stable. Dream has been going insane for far too long, pouring his heart out to the one he so desires, but with such want comes uncertainty and surprises. Who the hell would’ve thought George had feelings for Dream for a good while before reeling himself in, only for his emotions to be stimulated with affection all too unexpectedly.

and who would’ve foreseen the slap of pure angst that were chapters 9 and 10, George’s hopeful rejection.

We read the two flirt, smile and laugh until their chests ached, connect, talk and call for hours, send fucking snapchats to eachother, telling sentimental stories, and much more.

All for Dream to crumble, piece by piece, until he is on the floor and crying over missing a chance he’s been so desperately trying to take. After what felt like a blooming relationship, Dream is seen breaking.

Because George wasn’t ready.

Because George was hit by a sudden wave of emotion that is so confusing and overwhelming and what the fuck Dream.

Yet, not all has been lost. The blazing fire of yearning may have been rained on, but it has not gone out.

Because it’s not a no, it’s a not yet.

And I cannot tell you the power such a statement holds. It was such a simple phrase, yet it shook my core as it delivers something raw, something hopeful, something to look forward to and have you inhaling a breath of longing because embers are still sparking and maybe, maybe, that chance isn’t completely out of Dream’s reach.

He just has to work on listening, bettering himself, healing and reaching a point of self-contentment. A point where he knows: he’s right for George, he’s enough for George. And the same goes for the latter.

Everything is so messy and destructive and confusing, yet they still reach.

And that, that, is such a raw form of love that it left my chest tight. They both want to be the best for eachother. They want to work and try for eachother despite the pain it may bring. They wait, and with their patience comes progression, which slowly but surely, will turn into comfort.

And to have the ability to articulate and describe such a journey is insane in every sense of the world. This story takes your collection of emotions and rattles it, making you feel so much at once that when ending a reading session, you release a satisfactory breath.

It didn’t end with attained love, or accepting confessions, or a romantic moment during the visit, or promises of kisses, or whatever cliche closing you could think of.

It ended with two friends saying “see you soon”

And that was perfect.

Perfect enough leave me, the reader, content and in awe. Because this is a slow and difficult love, one that will simply need time, as time is what will heal.

I couldn’t have asked for a better ending. Dakota is truly an inspiration.

Thank you, for creating and sharing such a masterpiece of a story, and having your readers go through the entire spectrum of emotions.

I cannot wait for Helium.

:)

[shhhlikeme]

“Losty Aone” / “Losty Mountain Man🏔” Series:

Outtake Collection #12:

———————————

A/N: I miss you guys so much! Thank you for over 150 notes on my last outtake 🤯! If you haven’t read my life update already, please do and know that it’s hard for me to prioritize school and work before this blog. This outtake collection was originally supposed to be a multiple posting like the previous ones, but I reckon I was taking too long and thought to just post at least the part that was complete. Love y’all

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Songs for this outtake:

———————————

8 Days After The Breakup ⛓🥀

💤 😴 💤

“Leave her be. She’s having fun.”

Aone watched as the class-snitch Tsume Lian handed in his paper and hurriedly left the classroom.

I didn’t mean to scare him, thought Mountain Man. He shrugged it off, looking down to concentrate on his own assignment, going through the questions easily. I only have 3 left now, and the answers are fairly simple because-

“Hi! Thanks so much for defending me a little while ago!”

An angelic voice startled Aone out of his academic train of thought. As soon as the sound vibrations reached his ear drums all the nerves in Aone’s body stood at attention.

Is that......?! he questioned, but received his answer when he felt the magnetic pull to the voice as he always did—his eyes having a mind of their own and following the sound. Aone felt his heart halt when he lifted his head from his paper to be graced with something much, much, more beautiful. His crush, you, were standing next to him. Aone’s entire body and brain went out of commission when he looked up to see you, standing so close he could feel your body heat, your beautiful manicured hands pressed on his desk. Your grateful eyes were staring into his for quite possibly the first time in his entire life.

The eyes he dreams about.

Your Apple scent invaded his nostrils and Aone breathed in as deeply as he could subconsciously. He never wanted to smell anything else.

The scent that he dreams about.

You reached over to touch Aone’s arm in his uniform, shooting him an endearing smile. Aone’s eyes widened. Y/N IS TOUCHING ME, he thought. His heart tightened and he really thought he was at risk for a heart attack. The only thing that kept him from having that heart attack, in fact, was seeing you smile a second later. He wouldn’t be graced with that smile if he fainted now🥵. To Aone, when you smiled, oh god, when you smiled—You weren’t just beautiful like he always found you: you were unreal. It was your smile on top of the cheerleading pyramid that made him initially lock onto you, and it was your smile with your friends at school that made Mountain Man stop in his tracks every time just to take it in. It is captivating.

Aone couldn’t help but stare at your lips when the vibrations of your melodic cheerful voice reached his ears again.

“I’m Y/N! It’s nice to meet you!”

Nice to.....? What? Losty Aone connected the dots a bit, realizing that you were introducing yourself to him. He wanted to laugh. It is almost a comical quiet-boy-meets-his-crush scene, right? The fact that the female he spends most of his day thinking about, the female outside of the Takanobu’s that he probably knows most about, the female that he has spent the better part of the last two years pining after, was introducing herself—that she deemed it necessary to make him aware of who she is—is comical.

Dark Comedy.

Honestly, Aone couldn’t even stop for too long to feel bad for how pathetic this seemed for him: as he was too busy basking in your light. Whether you were introducing yourself or reciting the Arabic alphabet to him— he’d want to hear you over and over, no matter what, unable to think of anything else he’d want more.

Aone wanted to say something back to you, he obviously did. But he was just too in shock that the girl he wishes he could marry, the girl that is so completely out of his league that she doesn’t even notice his existence, is speaking him unexpectedly. It was like a dream. Aone’s throat was drier than the Sahara desert.

It was TOO MUCH. Your simple greeting made him TOO HAPPY—he was unable to respond.

Aone felt severe loss of sweet tingling skin nerves when you removed your hand from his burning arm. If he was thinking clearly he might have pouted. He mentally kicked himself for being too star-struck by you to dedicate one part of his mind to memorize what it felt like to have you touch him.

“Sorry.”

You said shyly, gifting Aone’s eardrums again. You looked down sheepishly, then met his serious expression again, appearing God-sent with the thankful expression you gave him. If Aone could speak, he would bloody PROPOSE.

“Um....”

Still frozen, Aone couldn’t tear his eyes away from you as you spoke.

“You probably don’t know this but you getting that pervert to leave me alone is quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone has done for me. And you did it for a stranger, no less. And ummm.........”

You tucked your hair cutely behind your ear, obviously wanting to say something else. Aone was eager to hear it. He loved hearing your voice! After all, witnessing your usually bubbly cheerleader-self so demure and cute-looking made his heart skip a beat. Or dozens of beats. All he could think of when he watched you was:

She’s Unreal.

She’s Perfect.

She’s a Dream.

Long shot, but she’s my desired Future wife.

He wanted to beg you to keep speaking. Your voice was his favourite sound... it has been ever since he first heard it.

“Ummmm........ also I wanted to say.....”

Aone put an effort to mentally block out all the white noise of the chatty classroom so that he could hear your beautiful voice more clearly. He wanted to remember this. He wanted to memorize every second of this, since you approaching his desk has unpredictably turned today in to one of the best days of his life. Please keep talking to me Y/N. Please.

Aone’s heart tightened again as your expressive eyes pierced into his serious ones. You took a deep breath before saying what you wanted to say next.

......Yes? Aone wish he could say. You can tell me anything, Y/N.

“....and.....”

you pushed on, leaning in closer so that Aone had an even clearer close up of your gorgeous face and your scent was even stronger. Yep, absolutely the best day of my life.

And......? Aone wanted to hurry you, but then he saw you opening your mouth:

“And do you mind not doing that again? It’s obvious you have a really intense crush on me obviously—but I don’t feel the same way. I don’t even know who you are. It’ll never work out in the long run because I’m in this league and you’re...in that one.”

Aone hearing what you said was like a knife—no, A SWORD stabbing through his heart. He literally felt wounded. He looked at his beautiful crush—still putting you first even in a state of pain like this— feeling terrible for making you uncomfortable due to his romantic hopes.

“I’m s-sorry, Y/N...” Aone was about to stutter out,

💤😴💤

But his eyes opened before then, kicking him out of his dream.

Takanobu’s heart ached as he stared up at his bedroom ceiling in the dark. Aone checked with his hand to make sure that he really hadn’t been stabbed through the chest, because that’s what he felt right now. Breathing heavily through his nose when he felt his actual hard chest there like normal, he wondered how the pain there could be so insufferable then?

Takanobu hasn’t been able to avoid these terrible dreams since several nights ago, when you had broken up with him on the Ferris wheel. He knows you are not as cruel as you are in his dreams but his depressive state of mind obviously only knows how to make him feel worse about everything. He doesn’t really remember much after you had called him your friend in the Ferris Wheel lot; shattering what was left of his heart by that word combined with walking away. Though, he does remember hearing his mom at dinner 2 nights ago talking to him about how it was Futakuchi who had to come get him, but he wasn’t sure.

To be honest, ever since the night on the Ferris Wheel, Aone has become a shell of a man that lost a lot of care for things he used to care about.

He can’t recall what his mom said at dinner or what Kenji said in the car or what really happened the days after you decided to leave him: The only feeling he could register is the overbearing heavy feeling in his heart. The only thing that captured his attention is the aching in his chest. The sound of his heart’s continuous shattering whenever he thought of you was louder than any words he heard and the all encompassing gnawing of heartache, was more tangible than anything else he could possibly feel.

If Aone had to describe in words how he has felt since that moment 🎡 (but he wouldn’t because he has subconsciously retreated back to his mute lifestyle), he would say his heart feels like it is encompassed by the heaviest chains known to man with an anchor on the end, hanging low and weighing down his whole heart.

If that wasn’t bad enough, whenever you crossed his mind, the chains would tighten and squeeze his heart. Therefore, since you basically never left his mind, that means his heart is continuously being squeezed by hefty anchorage. It is an awful feeling to say the least.

Sitting up on the side of his bed, Aone checked his phone for the time and date.

8 days since the anniversary...? He stated to himself.

Had I attended school in between? He doesn’t even remember.

All that was clearly registered is the feeling of loss.

Aone sighed. Must have, because knowing Futakuchi, he likely wouldn’t let him skip. Aone can now recall going to school and not seeing you there....no wonder it’s deemed insignificant in his brain.

When Mountain Man had gotten too worried about your absence on the second day and was about to check on you, his friends had asked your friends, discovering that you were currently sick and on bed rest.

Mountain Man felt terrible. You probably got ill from walking in the snow after the Ferris Wheel ride. If he hadn’t brought you there you wouldn’t be sick. You’d only had on a thin jacket that night...

Should I text Y/N? Ask her if there’s anything I can bring her so she can feel better? What would Futakuchi say?

‘ABSOLUTELY THE FUCK NOT.‘ Is what he would say, Aone thought, practically able to hear his friend’s voice.

In bed, Mountain Man sighed. Even if he did text you, you didn’t want to hear from him anymore. That’s the purpose of a breakup, no matter how much it gutted him. You were entitled to your space.

Through impenetrable mental torment, Aone rubbed his eyes and peeped at the time. While Aone would describe himself as a militant person, who always wakes up on time for school, leaves his house on time for everything; practically the most dependable human, and was very orderly his entire life—things have changed drastically as of 8 days ago. Not that he cared since time wasn’t really something he could focus on, but Aone now awoke several times a night, walked in late to class and cancelled his attendance to any and all social events he was going to go to.

He and Futakuchi were supposed to help Karasuno with blocking yesterday, but Aone just went straight home. He hasn’t even seen his friends for quite some time....or maybe he has, but the memory isn’t registering.

Broken-hearted Mountain Man would just avoid everyone in class (staring out of the window, looking incredibly unapproachable), and outside of class: opting to eat lunch alone (and by eating, it means just toying with whatever he was going to eat). Every lunch hour, this depresssed polar bear would find some corner outdoors to sit by himself: Sometimes it was at the bus stop down the street from the school where he’d sit and watch the passerbyers, his gaze staying a bit longer on the couples that passed by, wishing you still wanted that with him. Yesterday, he found a spot under a big tree and counted the grass patches. Even though you weren’t at school, as soon as the Date Teko cheerleaders came outside to practice a bit for the snowboarding team, Aone picked up his stuff and finished his lunch in an empty classroom...

6:38am.

So Aone had over 20 minutes till he needed to get up and get ready for school.

Usually, this white-haired man would use that time to do something productive: either review his homework, try to make breakfast for his mom or dad, read a book to his turtle, research new volleyball drills to help his team.............

But this morning was different. Of course it was. In the extra time he had this morning, all Aone could do in these minutes is sit up, propping his elbows on his knees and cradle his head in his hands, willing his heart to stop hurting so much. He had zero tears to cry, he isn’t a crier but they were probably all out after the first night that he tear stained his pillow...... So instead of crying, now Aone just spent his extra time in this position, thinking about you—the greatest girl he would ever know—and how he failed to make you happy enough that you’d choose to stay with him.

Aone:

He has no idea why he got his hopes up. Why did he think someone like you would want him? Of course you’d come to your senses eventually.

Faded beautiful black and white images of your moments together flashed through his depressed mind like a movie reel: triggering his heart to weigh his body down even more:

He saw you playing with Perdu on the floor of his room, trying to teach the reptile how to fetch.

He saw you cling onto his arm and hide your face in his shoulder when a jump scare hit the screen at the movie theatre.

In slow motion, He saw you waving and smiling at the supporters in the bleachers as you were cheerleading with your teammates, looking breathtaking

He saw you giving his best friends the middle finger and sticking your tongue out at them because they were teasing him

He saw you throw your head back and laugh as you sat next to him at the lunch table, leaning on him for support because you were laughing so hard

He saw you flip your hair back as you actually listening to his tutoring in his room... then he saw your face brighten, clapping when he told you your answer was correct

He saw you—

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

The sound of Aone’s weekday alarm jolted him out of his heart wrenching slideshow... He rubbed his temples for a moment in his dark room before turning the alarm off. He stood up slowly and took a deep breath before forcing himself to go through the motions again— slipping on his house slippers and making his way to his bathroom. He flicked on the bathroom light and Aone dared to look at himself briefly in the mirror: though what greeted his eyes made him instinctively turn the fucking light off.

Pathetic, anguished Mountain thought.

I look even scarier now. He tore his eyes away from the mirror display of his tired eyes and overall broken demeanour.

No wonder Y/N doesn’t want me.

Hearing your name in his mind for the first time since he had promised himself he wouldn’t mention it, sent a wave of immense devastation through this man’s entire body. It was so strong it caused this middle blocker to hang his head and use both strong hands to grip his bathroom counter so he wouldn’t collapse under the metaphorical pain in his chest.

He never knew it was possible to feel such emotional pain so physically.

He deliberated staying home, but that would worry his parents and friends even more, which is the last thing he wanted.

It’s almost the end of the week. Just keep getting ready for school, he told himself. It is only 4 hours until lunch, when you can be alone again.

Aone brushed his teeth while sitting on the edge of his bathtub, finding it easier to avoid his reflection in the mirror this way. He spat and rinsed, then reached for his floss, but realized it was empty.

Sighing, baby boy dragged his feet from his ensuite to one of his house’s main bathrooms where his mom left the extra toiletries.

Aone began flossing in his quiet bathroom. He heard the faint sound of the front door closing and locking since his mother usually left for work at this time. Takanobu finished flossing and washed his hands. He took a few floss containers and exited the main bathroom, shutting off the light and briskly turning the corner—before running right into another man.

“Shit!” The other voice yelled as their body fell backwards from the impact.

Completely startled because he thought he was home alone, Aone’s eyes widened but his fast reflexes caught the man’s arm before he fell to the ground. Aone’s eyes went back to normal realizing who he caught.

“Dude! Are you a fucking ghost?! You make zero sound when you walk around the house! How is that even possible for a man your size!?!”

Takanobu looked down at his best friend dressed in pyjamas like: ⁉️

Not uttering a word, he gave Kenji a monotone look as to say: What are you doing here?

Kenji—understanding his best friend without him needing to use words like he always did, answered him.

“What am I doing here?” Kenji chuckled. “Well, it’s been days and you won’t answer my texts or calls, big guy! I have no idea where you go during lunch, it’s cold as shit outside and we spend the entire time looking for you.... and then you go straight home when the last bell rings! You seem dead at school: like a zombie. So fuck, you forced my lazy ass to get creative. 💥 Boom. Now I’m here. Your mom said I can move in stay for the time being, basically. I’m sleeping in the first guest room and—“

Aone turned on his heels to peek into the first guest room beside the bathroom. Sure enough, he saw one big suitcase Futakuchi had used when he had come on a vacation with his dads side 4 years ago.

Aone turned back to his friend, grunting as if to say: 🤨 this is a lot....

“—No, it is not a lot. I’m worried about my best friend, man. Either way, I’m not asking you permission.” Kenji crosses his arms in response to his friend’s silent communication. “I told you it’s me and you.”

Aone frowned at his friend. He was pretty astonished by everything Kenji just said. First, Kenji is right about his own self analysis: Kenji is lazy. Which made this all the more alarming, because was Aone really that bad that his best friend felt obligated to move in temporarily?! Futakuchi was always welcome here and stayed over often, but nothing this drastic.

Second, Aone knew he was possibly moving around like a shell of a man—that’s why he avoided people unless it was in class regarding group work—but to be described as a zombie by his brutally honest friend? Ouch. What would Y/N think? Aone doubted you would regret dumping a guy like that if you were in good health and saw him at school.

Hearing your name again in his mind; Aone’s heart panged.

Takanobu’s gaze fell and shoulders sunk and Futakuchi noticed the drop. He knew his middle blocker was going through it like crazy.... and it made him sick. Kenji knew right then and there that he was right to come here.

“I know you don’t want to talk about her, Aone-san. We don’t have to until you’re ready. But I’m here, alright? Just two doors down when you want advice or you just want to watch a movie or play some volleyball. Okay?”

Still looking at his turtle slippers, Aone nodded. In his state, he couldn’t help but feel a bit better because his best friend cared so much about him.

Just then, Aone felt a sharp slap on his back that couldn’t have come from Kenji and an excited voice next to his ear.

“MORNING!!!!!! WHERE CAN I FIND THE FLOSS— OH! BOTH OF YOU ARE AWAKE!”

Koganegawa‘s eyes were barely open as he joined the two boys in the hallway, yawning in the midst of his loud greeting.

Startled that Kogane was in his house too, Aone gave him the same alarmed expression he’d initially given Futakuchi.

Kanji looked confused, so he nudged Futakuchi. “I’m not as good as you yet, dad. What does that look on Aone-senpai mean?” He asked, stretching his arms in fatigue.

In response, Kenji reached up to pinch his ear, yanking it down.

“OI! ITAI!” The setter cried.

Kenji spoke calmly.

“Takanobu-san is wondering what you’re doing here. And I’m wondering why you’re so loud in the mornings!!” Futakuchi let go and Kogane rubbed his now red ear, fully awake now. He glared at Kenji for a moment😡before his eyes met the middle blocker’s and softened.

“Hey, Mom. That abusive parent 👈🏻 mentioned something about staying here for a few days or weeks, and I begged him to let me come. I worry about you, too, you’re like a big brother to me, and I’m here for you just as much as he is.” Kanji smiled brightly at his older friend.

For the first time since you’d broken up with him, Aone felt his heart tighten for a different reason other than heartache. For one brief moment, Aone felt a few links in the heavy chain wrapped around his heart fall off. Albeit minimally, his friend’s endearing actions made him feel lighter.

————————————

Outtake #13: CLICK HERE

Sneak Preview of the next dramatic Outtakes:

A pissed off Kenji Futakuchi confronts Y/N upon your return to school 👁👄👁

Aone and Y/N must work together for a school project....... 💔 awkward, or an opportunity? The answer may surprise you.

Taglist: @crushzone @galagcica @chaichai-the-weeb @nairobiisqueen @bisasterrr @juminly @simply-not-the-same

[gauloiseblue]

The Man Who Stood By The Ocean

[Chapter 2]

June, 1992

"Come on, Bruno! We'll miss the show!"

You pull the boy's hand closer as you slip into the crowd, gently pushing through the sea of people. The grip on your hand become tighter as your friend exclaimed something to you, but it's too soft for you to hear it. Glancing to your back, you see Bruno groans when his head was accidentally being hit by someone's elbow, you look at him apologetically but keep moving forward. As you reach the exit from the crowd, your eyes lit up when you see the small parade in the center of the city park. Soldiers—or the men in uniform formed a harmonious lines, with one man in the very front, holding a ceremonial mace in his hand. Everyone who watched it was captured by the lines of well-organized parade, somehow it gave them a sense of proud to the nation.

As the green-white-red flag of Italy waving proudly in the air, a clear shout rings from the platform. With that, people cheers as Festa della Repubblica is officially reaching its peak, shiver runs down on your body as the spirit of the crowd leaking through your surrounding. Looking to your side, you giggle when you see your friend still rubbing the sore spot on his head.

"Stai bene?" (You alright?) You asked softly, reaching up to touch his head. He hisses when your fingers pressed the painful bump, but didn't move as you stroke his crown.

"Uh—yeah, I guess." He replied with a sulky face, "... I told you to slow down."

"I'm sorry," You kissed the top of his head, "There, it's all better now."

A wide grin betrays you as your lips cracks open when you see your friend become all flustered.

The park in the very heart of Naples is packed with people celebrating the national day of Italy, families are setting up their picnic blanket, and tourists nor civilians are admiring the afterglow of the celebration. The street has become as lively as ever, with many conversation happened at once. You follow Bruno as he walks towards the cotton candy stall, the man behind the cart beams when he saw his new customer.

"Benvenuto! Would you like a cotton candy for one Lira, young man?"

Your friend nods before rummaging through his pocket, taking out a silver coin with the side profile of il Buono printed on the surface. You watch in awe as the man works his magic on creating the fluffy treat, the pink fibers slowly entwined to one another and into a giant castle of cloud.

"Grazie!" Bruno chimes as he exchanged the coin with the fresh cotton candy, he'd then offers the first bite to you as the two of you walks down the street.

You pluck a heaping amount of sugary cotton before stuffing it into your mouth. The treat immediately melt as soon as you bite into it, Bruno just laughed as he wiped the stray sweet fiber off your cheek.

There's a street performance near where you stand, your ear perks at the familiar tune softly playing. As if your curiosity is written on top of your head, your friend just smile before he tugs your hand towards the source of the song. There's a small group of people surrounding the performers, but with the advantage of being kids, you and Bruno could make it to the front line.

A woman with red gypsy skirt taps her feet with the rhythm of the song before she swings gracefully, the floral print fabrics she wore flutters around her body—it reminds you of a gentle wave. With a sharp jingle of tambourine, the woman continues to mesmerize the crowd.

Bruno leaned closer to whisper in your ear, but you were too captured by the dance, you didn't quite catch it at first so you let out a small 'huh?'.

"Look at that sweaty old man across from us." He retold the thing he had just said, you squinted to see where exactly he's pointing at, "He's drooling."

And you found the exact man he just described, a middle-aged man with balding head has a slobber dripping from the corner of his lips while his eyes are still glued to the dancer. You instantly cover your mouth to suppress your giggle before smacking his back, he laughs.

—

"I had a lot of fun today."

"Me too."

You rolled your head to the side to see the raven-haired boy, and your eyes met with a small grin when you looked at him. The two of you have been laying down on the pier for quite a while, enjoying the rare weather where the sun is hiding behind the clouds. The wind calmly blows from the ocean, and makes his bangs flew gently off from his face. A sheer of pink tinted his cheek as a result of being exposed to the sun for a little too long, but you bet he could say the same to you.

"You know," You muttered, "We should've had self control."

Bruno breaks into giggle.

"Yeah, maybe we really should have." He replied before he groans when he tries to sit up, rubbing his belly. "Dios mío, I'm so full."

"Of course you are full, you ate so many zeppole and I could hardly got one bite!"

"And you ate my fried calamari more than half." He smirks when your face flushed in red, "I'd say we're even."

You pouted, "It's not fair..."

Joining your friend to sky gazing, you rose up and instantly regret for getting up too fast as it upsets your stomach just a little. You huffed, but complain nothing about it. Comfortable silence fills between the two of you as the seagull's call makes the most sound aside from the rolling waves. Bruno took a glance to your figure before his eyes fall to his lap, seemingly preoccupied by his thoughts. You asked him what's wrong, but he just replied with a simple 'I feel bloated'.

"Oh, it's almost 6 PM!" You blurted out when you see your watch, "I gotta go."

You missed to see a pang of dismay on his face as you were too occupied to get up and straighten your shorts, but it quickly vanishes when your eyes returned to him.

"Oh, I see." He spoke as he got up, "I'll walk you home."

"You don't have to," You shook your head, "My ma will kill me if she saw me with a boy." You smile sheepishly, "Besides, your father must be worried about you too."

Bruno didn't like the idea of you walking alone, but he has to admit that you were also right. His dad must be worried about him, and maybe he's already home by now. Although it's almost high season in Naples, there's barely anyone renting his father's boat so his father has been spending most of his days at home.

"Okay, be careful on your way home."

He hugged you in the way he used to when it's time to go home, you closed your eyes as you enjoy the warm gesture from your best friend.

"I'll see you tomorrow at the bookstore."

As you walked away from him, you look back over your shoulder. Bruno still stands by the sea with his eyes fixed on you, your breath hitched when you witness such adoration, determination, and chaste love pouring out from his gaze. Was the fondness in his eyes only shown whenever you said goodbye? Or has it always been there whenever you weren't looking?

You force yourself to smile and give him a little wave, hoping it'd be enough to mask your confounded heart. He returned your gesture with a gentle smile, so gentle that your chest tighten with fear it'd break once you turn your back on him.

And you went home that day with a daydream about you and him, not knowing it'd be the last time you'll ever see the innocent boy your heart longed for.

—

You waited at the bookstore just as you promised, yet he never came. You had read all the books you've been buried at the lowest in the pile, but the words slowly became inexplicable as your mind drifts to somewhere else. The first day without him made you stomping with anger as you curse him for not coming as he promised, but your head become clear once you calmed down. Tomorrow, he'll come.

And you told that to yourself the next day, and the day after, and days after until terrifying realization crashed into you. You didn't know where he lives, you didn't know any of his family member, you didn't know where to find him. You didn't know anything about him at all.

A horrified cry escaped your lips when you realized you might never be able to meet him anymore. You lost him, you've lost him.

The door of your room slammed open as your confused, but alarmed mother comes into your room. She was shocked when she saw you broke down on the floor, with your hands on your face as tears escape from between the gap of your fingers.

Your mother instinctively cradles you into her arm as she tries to ask you what's wrong, but her question only meets with incoherent wails. You want to speak, you want to tell her everything, but you're choked on your words.

In the arm of your mother, all of your fear, your heartache you've been holding bursts out like an open floodgate. Two weeks and three days after his missing, you couldn't bear to think that the tomorrow you both promised might never come.

[keepalivebollywood]

Unraveling the Emotions: A Deep Dive into Bollywood’s Heartbreak Anthems

Welcome to a melodious journey through the heart-wrenching realms of Bollywood’s soul-stirring ballads! Brace yourself as we embark on an enchanting expedition into the world of emotions and unravel the hidden depths behind Bollywood’s heartbreak anthems. From tear-soaked lyrics to haunting melodies, these songs have been etching themselves into our souls for decades, capturing the essence of human pain like no other. So grab your tissues and prepare to dive deep into a sea of love lost, as we decode the magic that lies within these timeless classics.

Introduction to Bollywood Heartbreak Anthems

When it comes to heartbreak, Bollywood knows how to capture all the feels. From the initial pain of betrayal to the eventual acceptance of moving on, every stage of a breakup is soundtracked by some of the most memorable songs in Hindi cinema. Join us as we take a deep dive into the emotions of heartbreak with some of Bollywood’s most iconic breakup anthems.

From Lata Mangeshkar’s “Tere Bina Jindegi Se koi ” to Alka Yagnik’s “Tujhe Yaad Na Meri Aayi”, there are plenty of timeless classics that perfectly capture the heartache and pain of a broken relationship. But there are also more recent hits like Arijit Singh’s “Hamari Adhuri Kahani ” and Shreya Ghoshal’s “Sunn Raha Hai Na Tu” that have become instant breakup anthems in their own right. No matter what your taste in music is, there’s sure to be a Bollywood heartbreak anthem that resonates with you.

So put on your headphones, pour yourself a glass of wine, and let these songs help you through whatever stage of heartbreak you’re currently going through. We promise, you’re not alone.

Exploring the Different Emotions Reflected in Bollywood Songs

There’s something about a heartbreak anthem that just gets us. They make us feel seen, understood, and most importantly, not alone. From the eternal classics to more modern hits, Bollywood has always had a way of speaking to our hearts and reflecting the different emotions we experience when going through a break-up.

Whether it’s the pain of unrequited love, the feeling of betrayal, or simply the sadness that comes with saying goodbye, there’s a Bollywood song for every type of heartbreak. And while they might not always offer up the best advice on how to deal with a break-up, they definitely give us comfort in knowing that we’re not alone in our feelings.

So, next time you’re feeling down about a break-up, put on one of these songs and let yourself feel all the feels. Trust us, it’ll make you feel better.

Analyzing the Lyrics of Popular Heartbreak Anthems

When it comes to heartbreak anthems, there are few things more cathartic than belting out a tune with all your might. Whether you’re wallowing in your sorrows or trying to move on, these songs always seem to hit the spot. But what is it about these popular tunes that make them so relatable?

Let’s take a look at the lyrics of some of Bollywood’s most popular heartbreak anthems and see what we can learn about the emotions involved in a break-up.

“Tum Hi Ho” by Arijit Singh

This song is all about the pain of losing someone you love. The lyrics talk about how the singer is struggling to get through each day without their loved one by their side. There is a sense of desperation and hopelessness in the singer’s voice as they try to hold on to any memories they have of their time together.

“Tum Hi Ho” Translation: Only You Are There, In My Heart I am trying, every day, without you living each moment, for you (only for you) my heart beats.. only for you.. my life is only for you..

“Tum Hi Ho” Lyrics Meaning: The lyrics of this song are quite self-explanatory. The singer is pining for their lost love and trying to find ways to cope with their absence. The chorus talks about how the singer would be nothing

Examining How Music Influences Our Emotional Health

In India, film music is an integral part of the movie-watching experience. The songs often play a pivotal role in furthering the plot and driving the emotions of the characters on screen. And while we may not always be conscious of it, the music in these films often has a profound impact on our own emotions as well.

For many of us, Bollywood heartbreak anthems have become the soundtrack to our own personal breakups and heartaches. These songs perfectly capture the pain and anguish of a broken heart, and they can often help us to process and deal with our own emotions

Interestingly, research has shown that listening to sad music can actually be beneficial for our emotional health. Studies have found that listening to sad music can lead to increased feelings of empathy and compassion, as well as decreased levels of anxiety and depression.

So next time you’re feeling down about a break-up or any other sadness in your life, don’t be afraid to crank up those Bollywood heartbreak anthems. They just might be exactly what you need to help you feel better.

Cultural Impact of Bollywood Heartbreak Anthems

The cultural impact of Bollywood heartbreak anthems is profound. For generations, these songs have been a source of comfort for those going through a tough break-up. They capture the pain and longing that comes with lost love, and offer a cathartic release for listeners.

These songs have also had a significant influence on Indian popular culture. They are often referenced in films and TV shows, and have become part of the country’s collective consciousness. Even those who don’t speak Hindi can sing along to these classics.

So why do we keep coming back to these songs when our hearts are broken? Perhaps it’s because they offer a sense of solidarity – we’re not alone in our pain. Or maybe it’s because they’re just so darn catchy! Whatever the reason, there’s no denying the power of a good Bollywood heartbreak anthem.

Understanding the Role of Music in Healing a Broken Heart

It is said that music has the power to heal a broken heart. And while this may be true for some, it is not always the case. There are many factors that contribute to the healing process, and music is just one of them. While it can be a helpful tool, it is not always the panacea that people make it out to be.

There are many different types of music, and each one can have a different effect on the listener. Some music is uplifting and empowering, while others are sad and melancholic. The type of music that you choose to listen to after a break-up should be based on your own personal preference and what makes you feel better.

For some people, listening to sad songs after a break-up can actually make them feel worse. If this is the case for you, then it’s best to avoid these types of songs altogether. Instead, focus on finding music that makes you feel good and helps you to remember the happy times in your relationship.

There is no right or wrong way to heal a broken heart. Everyone copes with break-ups differently, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide what works best for you. If listening to music helps you to cope with your break-up, then go ahead and do it. But if it doesn’t, don’t force yourself to listen to it. Instead, focus on finding other ways to heal and move forward with your life.

The Top 10 Heartbroken Bollywood Songs That Tug at Your Emotions”

“Tadap Tadap Ke” – Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam (1999) “Channa Mereya” – Ae Dil Hai Mushkil (2016) “Kabira” – Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani (2013) “Ae Dil Hai Mushkil” – Ae Dil Hai Mushkil (2016) “Tum Hi Ho” – Aashiqui 2 (2013) “Dil De Diya Hai” – Masti (2004) “Phir Bhi Tumko Chaahungi” – Half Girlfriend (2017) “Tum Bin Jiya Jaye Kaise” – Tumbin(2001) “Baaton Ko Teri” – All Is Well (2015) “Dard Dilo Ke Kam Ho Jate” – The Xpose (2014)

These songs beautifully portray the pain, longing, and vulnerability experienced in matters of the heart, making them unforgettable heartbreak anthems in Bollywood.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Bollywood music has a special power to evoke all kinds of emotions with its heartbreak anthems. From joyous dance numbers to melancholic ballads, these songs have the ability to bring us back in time and remind us of our own experiences with love lost and lessons learned. While every song carries a unique message, they all share one thing in common—they help us come to terms with the pain that comes from breaking up or being hurt by someone we care about. So next time you feel down and out after a messy break-up, don’t forget there’s always some beautiful Bollywood tunes waiting for you!

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Perry Ripley’s new alternative-rock single ‘Sinner’ infuses a darkness and theatricality that’ll hook you entirely

The Brighton based independant singer-songwriter Perry Ripley toes the line between alt-rock, indie-pop and sultry electric, marking his own distinct place in the music scene. After self-releasing his debut EP ‘Set Fire To The Roses’ in 2018, Perry has since been working on an array of singles and further EP ‘Cocaine Love’, all of which reaching audiences near and far. Now, Perry shares his newest offering ‘Sinner’ and looks to only further push himself to be a name you can’t escape hearing everywhere.

Resting at close to four minutes in length, ‘Sinner’ right away whisks you into its initial slow, sensual sound, hooking you between the realms of divinely catchy and tentatively lingering. Beautifully plucked electric guitar strings lead things in, heavenly soaring in a delicacy that’ll leave you believing ‘Sinner’ is a song both pure and to be cherished. A steady beat and keyboard notes then interweave for the opening verse, incredibly downbeat and at such a slowness you’ll be swaying along to its sincerity. Before you know it though, a more swiftly thudding beat makes the pre-chorus all the more tense as things begin to build, with the curtain finally falling for a theatrically delivered chorus. Thundering drums pick up to their most aggressive of performances, with emphatic electric guitar strums soaked into the background and atop it all is the rich vocal performance of Perry himself. Climbing into the higher ranges with ease, his clean tone and confident drive leaves every word thrust to the forefront of it all, hooking you on the most mesmerising lyrics and urging you get up and sing along at full force as ‘Sinner’ deserves nothing less. As things continue to evolve into a soundscape with more force and volume, ‘Sinner’ not only tells its lyrical journey through words but also through the development of the sound, erupting in one final conclusion of passion that interlinks with a journey you won’t be forgetting.

Loosely based around the seven deadly sins, ‘Sinner’ is a track with a narrative that fluidly weaves between both the light and darkness of life, capturing most centrally that of a relationship that proves to be toxic yet too enticing to walk away from. Declaring from the start that ‘I’ve got this hunger that I can’t seem to fight, it’s bringing me down’, Perry’s authentic storytelling achingly captures a sense of being at war with yourself, torn between right and wrong and battling whether to fall deeper or walk away when neither option feels fitting. As Perry writes with such a poignance that every line is sure to resonate, lyrics like ‘I picked all your roses, now I’m covered in scars’ so hauntingly capturing both the beauty and pain of this cursed relationship and the detriment of a foolish love. With the thrills running dry and no longer wrapping him in an illusion of grandeur, lines like ‘here comes my loneliness, it sings me to sleep’ seem to reflect on the reality of their relationship being too infused with passion, leaving him feeling alone when it’s burnt out and dwindling. Whatever way you choose to infer and pick apart ‘Sinner’ , it’s without a doubt a single that embeds not just a story of love and heartache, but also one that interlinks references to the differing sins and tells a real impactful, well-developed story that’s more than it appears on the surface: ‘God knows that I’m a sinner, that I cut off my wings for you.’

Check out ‘Sinner’ for yourself here to enjoy Perry’s thought-provoking writing and theatrically sculpted soundscape!

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator