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sup-hoes-its-me · 4 years ago

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Golden (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: you are in a relationship with kakaski, but after an accident, you have amnesia, and can’t remember him anymore. angst baby. Very feminine Civilian!reader (you own a bookstore, so cliche lmao) essentially, this series is mindless romantic indulgences i wrote mostly for myself, but if other people can enjoy them then i did my job as a fanfic writer.

A/N: im definitely not writing a fanfic for every song on fine line...haha

Word count: 5600

_____

He lay awake at night after the incident, imagining the moment he truly knew he was in love with her. Completely infatuated with this beautiful woman working at the bookstore. It was the only thing he could do now that his entire world had come crashing around him. With everything that happened in the hospital, this was the only way he knew how to cope.

He drifted off into the dream once again.

Kakashi stood by the front gates of the village, a paperback book he had just bought in his hand, folded over so he could read with one hand. One more time before he left for this mission, one he knew would last longer than anyone would like, he visited the old bookstore in town. He wanted to think he just stopped by to stock up on reading material, but that wasn’t it.

It was always about her.

When he saw Y/N running up to him, her apron nearly falling off and her hair in disarray, his eyes widened and he set the book down by his side. She was out of breath when she got to him, pressing her hands to her chest to get herself put together. Her brows furrowed deeply as she lifted her eyes to meet his.

“Kakashi,” she exclaimed.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?”

“I know you’re going on this long mission and you won’t be around for a few months, and I can’t stand the thought of you leaving without me telling you this,” she said, and he would be lying if he said he wasn’t insanely curious what she had to say. She was a sweet village girl, and he frequented her store, quite a bit actually. On occasion, he would drop by a few times in a day just to say hello. He definitely wasn’t slick.

He waited for her to continue and she didn’t hesitate. “Every time you leave, I get this pain in my chest. I worry about you day and night because I know the life of a shinobi is never guaranteed. I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t tell you this time, if I kept acting like the coward I am.”

“I see? Well, what’s on your mind?”

“I-I’ve never felt this way for anyone before, and I don’t know how to deal with it, so here goes,” she told him, taking a deep breath before her next words, “I think I’m in love with you, Kakashi Hatake. I think I’ve loved you since the first time you stepped foot in my parents store.”

“I…”

What was he supposed to say to that?

“You don’t have to say anything back. It doesn’t bother me, I know how closed off you ninja are. Just please, take my words and hold them close on your journeys.” She paused, clenching her soft fists by her sides. She wasn’t scared of rejection, not at all. She was only scared that Kakashi might not care about her words at all. “Please, don’t forget someone loves you.”

In that moment, he felt his heart stop beating, only for a second, but he felt it. Shifted awkwardly, not wanting to let off that he was getting even a little emotional at her declaration. He was tough as nails, the copy-nin. Not some lover boy, even if he wanted to be. Even if he wanted to swoop in right then and kiss her to pieces.

All he could say was, “I’ll keep that in my mind. Thank you, Y/N.”

“You’re welcome. Now, don’t fool around out there so you can come back to me in one piece!” she laughed, feeling tears bubbling up in the corners of her eyes.

He found himself smiling back at the young woman. “You got it.”

__________

Kakashi was never really one to express his feelings. Generally, he kept them inside to mourn alone. It was just in his nature, it was nothing personal with the people he knew and trusted. There was just something about Y/N that made him drop down some of those thick barriers.

His girlfriend was a normal woman, working long shifts in the village bookstore since she was a teenager. She never attended the academy, wasn't chakra sensitive, nothing in particular was so outstanding that she was noticed. Nothing on the surface, actually.

It was her smile and her laugh, the way she could make anyone feel like they were important and wanted, that attracted Kakashi to her in the first place. From the first time they met as teenagers in the bookstore aisles, he knew he was caught in some sort of trap. For a minute, he compared the feeling to that of a genjutsu, even though he knew that was far from a possibility.

To him, when she smiled, it felt as if everything was going to be okay. All the pain and suffering disappeared when she was around. He really couldn’t understand how that could be happening, with the world crumbling around him everyday.

That was a particularly rare attribute among ninja folk, whose lives led them to believe that happiness wasn’t achievable and death was common; pain was so normal for him. It was refreshing to have someone around who didn't think like that, that could change the tone of a room in a moment with just an ounce of positive energy. Y/N was innocent to the majority of these harsh realities that the ninja faced, for the most part.

As with most people in the village, her parents lost their lives during the invasion of the nine tails. She was alone for a long time, but despite that, she tried to find joys in reading, in stacking new books on shelves, in talking to unique individuals that would stop by. And as she aged, she realized her most favorite customer was one with a masked face, and a love of gushy, perverted novels.

She was even friends with some of his closest friends, Gai, Yamato, Sakura. She reached out to them, getting visits here and there while she worked during the day. After he informed his closest companions of his blossoming affair with the bookstore girl, they just had to get in an insider view. They kept visiting after the first meetings. Sakura bringing lunch, Yamato helping her with repairs, and Gai just bringing his brightest smile and a boatload of jokes and giggles to share at the front counter.

It was only a matter of time before they fell into some weird friendship, a civilian and one of the top shinobi of their village. He was gone half the time on missions, and sometimes, when he was ANBU, she wouldn’t see him for weeks at a time. Occasionally, when a mission was long and difficult, she would hear pawing at her window late into the night. When she pulled back the blinds, a small dog would be sitting there with a folded piece of paper in his mouth, waiting for her to take it.

She loved those letters, they became her prized possessions. There was nothing else she loved more in the world than seeing his kind words written out on paper, his declarations of love that he would never dare say aloud. To him, it was easier to say those things on paper, to not be around when she read about his feelings for her. He was still attentive and kind to her in person, but the letters spoke with a romanticism that he couldn’t.

Y/N practically glowed when she spoke to him, so in love with him she could barely keep it restrained. He knew this. He knew she was as deeply in love with him as he was entranced with her. It had been 5 years since they started dating, and he prolonged the inevitable path of marriage as long as he could. Having a girlfriend was one thing, but marrying someone felt like a burden he couldn’t shoulder. He wanted to, but it just seemed like too much work, too much risk.

After years, he realized the waiting just wasn’t worth it. They were only getting older as the time went by. She just warmed his empty heart, he knew that was something only she could do for him. He needed that.

And that's why he sat in the comfort of Ichiraku, Sakura by his side, sipping on some soup. She was the only one he truly trusted with this knowledge, the only one who could give him genuine advice. He just needed to tell someone what he was about to do. He sat there, his fingers hovering over his pants pocket, eyes trailed down at the table.

"What did you want to talk about, Sensei?" She had asked.

"You really like Y/N, right? Think she's good for me?"

She smiled with a small nod. "Of course. Y/N is so sweet. She makes you so happy I can tell. I think it's really good for you." It was true. Sakura didn’t know what her sensei was like before he met the woman. That was years ago before she was even born. What she did know is that someone with that much pain seeping from his heart could use some love in his life, a stable shoulder to lean onto. If anyone was stable, it was her. Without any cares in the world other than worrying for her boyfriend and keeping her business afloat. Her trauma was behind her, unlike some of the shinobi that carry those with them for the rest of their lives. Guilt, anger, resentment.

He pulled a tiny, drawstring bag from his pocket and fiddled with the strings between his fingers. "When I was in the Land of Fire last month, I picked this up from a merchant," he explained, pulling open the bag and pouring out the contents. A small ring clicked against the bar table. "Take a look, tell me what you think."

She dropped her spoon and reached over for the ring, holding it gently with the pads of her fingertips. It was beautiful. It sparkled like sunlight hitting clear blue waters. A stone rested in the center, flecks of lavender and blue floating in the sparkly gem. When she turned it in the sunlight, more colors appeared and changed, morphing into something spectacular in every sense of the word.

"Kakashi-sensei, it's gorgeous. Are you going to give this to Y/N?"

"After all this time, it seems inevitable really. Time flies."

"Oh my gosh. I'm so happy for you. She's going to be ecstatic, I just know it. She loves you more than life itself." He liked hearing that reaffirmed for him, even though Y/N frequently told him how she felt, daily ‘I love you’s. Unlike him, those words were not rare, but each time it filled his chest with warmth.

He smiled fondly, watching as she continued to turn to ring in her hands. He never thought this would happen to him: marrying someone. He didn't want to lose anyone else. He didn't want to put that risk on someone, especially Y/N. He had suppressed his feelings for her for a few years before he finally succumbed to the urge to tell her. Finally, after years of longing and avoiding the obvious, she became his, and he was undoubtedly hers.

It was a hard decision. He knew it was wrong to risk it, put her life on the line, but now he felt ridiculous sulking around waiting for something that was never going to happen. Nothing had happened to Y/N yet, and it had been years. She was gonna be fine. He was only being paranoid, he had convinced himself.

"Tonight. I'm going to help her close the store and do it then."

"You're a good man, Kakashi. She’s so lucky to have you protecting her and watching out for her, ya know? You two balance each other out perfectly,” the girl sighed. If only she could find a love like her sensei had with his significant other.

"Thanks, Sakura.”

They finished up their conversation, and he paid the bill for her, feeling so high that a bit of money from his wallet didn't even bother him. It was slightly later than he was supposed to go see her. The bookstore should have already closed by about 10 minutes.

All he could think about on the way there was how she would laugh about him being late, as usual. She would hug him to say hello, like she usually wound, and then give him a kiss on his masked cheek. He would help her quickly reorganize books before pulling out the ring. To him, it wasn't really about her saying yes at all so much as this moment, proposing to the love of his life, meant he could leave his curse behind and be happy for once with someone he cared about. She was his savior, an escape from a mindset so ingrained he couldn't fight it on his own.

But when he walked up to the front of the store. He noticed the lights still on even though she would have shut them off by now. The sign out front still flipped to open. He didn’t think it was too weird at all, he just thought maybe she was waiting for him to come along to finish up.

As he walked in though, he noticed the whole reams of paper strewn across the floor. Piles of books were aggressively thrown from the shelves, scattered around the floor like someone side swept them from the stands. Ink stained the checkout counter where she normally sat, inkwell tipped over the edge and dripped onto the carpet which she took care to keep clean. It was disastrous getting stains out of that carpet, she always said to him.

Most importantly, on some of the papers scattered around, he spotted blood splatter, drips of half dried blood present all the way from her desk to the back door. He felt panic rise up from his stomach all the way to his throat, and his heart raced. It was rare something made him truly terrified, and this was one of those moments.

He searched, god, he scoured that entire building over and over again for the woman. He checked every aisle and under every table. He ran upstairs to her apartment and checked in the few small rooms she had, scared she was cowering in her bathtub or hiding under the bed. He ran to the neighboring stores, asking if they'd heard from her, and received nothing but empty words. He just wanted her to be anywhere that he could find, anywhere but in the arms of someone evil.

His Y/N was gone, and he was hopelessly at the mercy of his curse once again.

______

He wasn't even allowed to go on the search mission for his girlfriend. Instead, Tsunade sent Yamato as well as a few chunin who knew Y/N enough to recognize her but not enough to fail at being objective. Apparently, the copy-nin wasn't in his right mind to go on a mission right now, especially one that was so personal to him. All his missions for the foreseeable future had been cancelled and another jounin was set to replace him. He could only sit back at home, guilt ridden and feeling useless, unable to help, unable to search. He did this to her. He knew that putting his heart into someone else's hands wasn't right, that it would only lead to her suffering but he couldn't listen to his own experience. He didn’t think it could happen to Y/N. he thought he could protect her.

But fate finds a way, it seems.

He trusted Yamato and the others to find her, but it was nothing like going himself. He wanted nothing more than to see the men who stole her away taught a lesson for what they had done. He wanted to cradle her in his arms and kiss her head, and promise something like this would never happen again. At least, that’s what he wanted to do. He didn’t know how he would react in the moment, despite developing quite good self-control over the years. How could he contain himself when the perpetrators caused his beautiful girl to bleed, and no doubt suffer?

Sakura felt the worst for Kakashi, knowing what she knew. She could imagine him heading to propose to his little girlfriend whom he loved more than anything in the entire world, and see only her blood splattered across the room and endless signs of a brutal struggle. Not to mention no one had a clue why they stole her or what was happening where no one else could see. The medical nin nearly shed a couple tears when Kakashi rushed into the Hokage's office without announcement, proclaiming that his girlfriend was gone, kidnapped from her own store where she worked alone all day.

Tsunade, despite barely knowing the girl, knew it was important; for anyone to be stolen from their village was serious enough. Although she felt for Kakashi, she had to keep him calm while she worked on finding the subject of his affection. She sent out teams immediately, and stressed that Kakashi was to remain in the village until everything was resolved one way or another. She didn't want any accidents because of a reckless, emotionally compromised shinobi faltering.

It only took the teams a single day to find their target.

Shikamaru and Choji were the ones to come back first, and in the larger boy's arms rested the limp, unconscious body of a missing woman. Ever so gently, he had her head tucked away against his chest the entire way home, trying his best not to hurt her anymore. Even if she was unconscious, he wanted to respect the body. From the moments they spoke before, she seemed like the nicest girl. He felt awful. She wasn’t the one putting her life on the line, she was the one that shinobi were supposed to protect. And they failed her.

When they walked through the gates of the village, Kakashi was already rushing up to the gates waiting for their arrival. He caught up to the boys and reached out to take her body from his arms, just to cradle her against him. It was the least that he could do was take her to the infirmary. To feel her faint heart beating against his chest. He was surprised when one of the chunin sadly shook his head.

"Kakashi, she's alive, but trust me, you don't want to see what they did to her," Shikamaru warned, and Choji flinched, just thinking about what her poor face looked like when they found her. Shikamaru knew for a fact that if his girlfriend was ever handed off to him looking so pitiful, he wouldn’t be able to control himself. He didn’t want the same to befall on his sensei. "Just trust me, I cannot let you see it, for your sake. Let Choji bring her to Tsunade."

He felt a burning in his stomach, pain creeping up in his abdomen like he was going to throw up all over the dirt path they stood on, but he did his best to remain calm despite the mix of emotions running through his head. He watched as the Akimichi carried her quickly off to the hospital. Kakashi didn't miss though, the blood stains on his tunic surrounding the area where her head was resting, circling her face. She had bled a lot in her time away, he realized.

God, he felt sick. So fucking nauseous.

"What happened?" he breathed heavily, words slipping through.

"Apparently, the guy had a grudge against your clan for something your father did to his family. Killed a criminal brother or some shit. When he heard wind of your girlfriend he knew he would take his revenge. Didn't want ransom, fame, nothing, just to torment you and torture her. Disgusting bastard."

There was one thing he wanted to know on top of his worry about her condition. He’d been thinking about it for the entire day she was missing. Obsessing even.

"What did you do with the man?" He hoped that justice had been served, and he couldn't imagine the two boys doing anything less.

"A man that would do that to a woman doesn't deserve his life," he muttered, his eyes trailed off to the village, “I made it painful.”

Kakashi nodded to him, and together they stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity.

“Sensei?”

“Hm?”

“I’m sorry.”

____________

When he got to the hospital, Choji was directly quickly to a special unit with particularly fancy machines around the room. Sakura was standing beside her own mentor awaiting the arrival of her friend. The moment she finally saw Y/N's exposed face, she cried. Tears fell from her eyes and she leant over the hospital bed to get a look at all her wounds. She looked alien, and the amount of blood that stained her hairline and cheeks was thick and heavy. Choji had tried to wipe it off, but he just couldn’t get it all.

"Y/N! Oh my God, what did they do to you?" She cried, running her hands shakily over the contusions and the cuts and the bulging areas near her temples. Her body was no better but her face is what hurt Sakura the most. It was hard to believe that all the life had been drained from her body after this one incident.

The light had left her body. Her familiar glow emanating from her soft skin was missing. She looked cold and dead. For the first time, Sakura saw her without her smile, without any bit of optimism. It felt like she was staring at an empty shell of the woman she knew.

"Sakura, get the IV ready. I need to get to work."

And so she did what she does best. Healers at work in their element fixing broken bones, burst capillaries in her head, torn skin. Everything they could. It took hours, and her face still wasn't completely healed in the end, just less swollen. She still had some bumps and bruises but those weren't going to be so bad. They could heal by themselves with a few days of rest and care.

She would be okay, they decided after a while of treatment, and moved her into a normal hospital room, under watch of nurses every so often, no visitors allowed either. Not for the first few days, much to Kakashi's displeasure. He was really getting irritated with the way everyone was keeping him from seeing her. Shouldn’t he be allowed? Essentially, the only family she had left? In reality though, he was scared.

But did he even want to see her again? He loved her, would do anything in the world for her. If only he had the guts to just give up on her and let her meet a normal man from the village, let her marry him and just forget all about their relationship. Then, nothing like this would ever happen again. She would be safer without having connections with him. He was so upset with himself for letting this happen.

He hated himself. It had been a long time since he genuinely thought those words. He hated himself more than anyone else. He let this happen, he was to blame for all this mess. A monster.

He headed back to his apartment that night and stared over at her tiny pile of belongings in the corner, ones she had left over his place as time went on. They still didn't live together so it wouldn't be the worst thing if he broke up with her. She would be hurt, probably cry for a few days, a week, maybe a month. He didn’t know. All he knew was that a little bit of crying was a lot better than getting fatally injured.

Just return her belongings in a box, and never go back to that fucking bookshop where he fell in love with her. He could get his novels directly from Jiraiya if he wanted them.

Tsunade already told him it would be days before he would be allowed to see her again, something about the healing process and that her chakra wasn't enough to fix everything. Based on what Shikamaru had told him, the way he acted- it must have been pretty bad. He couldn't even imagine her face beaten and broken.

All he knew was that in 2 days, he would be allowed to see her again, to possibly talk to her and apologize for what he had caused. It was the least he could do. At this point he couldn't imagine giving her that ring. How could she accept when he was the reason she was abducted and tortured?

He barely slept that night, but it didn't matter. He didn't have anything to do. He was given time off work until everything was resolved. He wondered if it would have been better to have a mission and forget all about the situation for even a couple fleeting moments.

He was just so tired of these feelings. He felt suffocated, and unlike himself. He was finding it hard to be cool, calm, and collected like usual. He just felt terrible. Too terrible to eat, too terrible to sleep, too terrible to do anything but stare up at the ceiling and wonder what could have been.

______

It was time to head to the hospital and see her. Yamato had come to his apartment so they could go and see Y/N. Tsunade gave him the green light first thing that morning when he reported to her. The wood style ninja wanted to see her as well, just to say he was happy she was recovering and even tell her that next time she needed help, if Kakashi wasn't around, to run to his apartment. He would always open his arms to help. So many shinobi of the village, after this incident, would be willing to drop everything and help. Her bookstore would probably always have eyes on it from now on.

Word travelled fast between the shinobi and soon enough almost everyone was giving Kakashi sympathetic looks, patting him on the back and apologizing to him for something they knew nothing about. He just wanted to get to her and say sorry for everything he had done. For not being there sooner, for his father and his clan causing this whole thing. He just needed to see her face. He couldn't get her out of his head.

Sakura was standing outside the room when he arrived. She was biting on her nails, which was oddly uncharacteristic of her. She rarely got nervous enough for habits like that to arise. She was normally so confident. That was the first of the red flags.

"Kakashi-sensei, Yamato. You're here to see Y/N, aren't you?" she asked, her voice quiet and hesitant.

She let him Yamato walk past her into the room but she raised her hand before Kakashi could walk in. She gave him one of the most sorry, pitiful looks he had ever seen, and her lip was quivering just a bit. It was barely noticeable but Kakashi was talented at noting the smallest things.

"Kakashi, I'm really sorry about everything. Lady Tsunade did everything she could. When you go in there, just please don't get upset. It's not as bad as you think. I'll explain everything later, but I want to see how she reacts to seeing you first," she bit out, her words mending together awkwardly.

He figured she was just nervous about her condition or maybe she was still bruised and bandaged up. If she was in a full body cast, he wouldn’t care. As long as he could see her. He couldn’t understand why Sakura was so worried. She would still be beautiful to him. She could never lose that shine that she carried regardless of her external features.

"Hmm. I'm sure it will be fine."

"I'm serious. Don't get upset and alarm her, it's very important you be careful."

"Gotcha."

She watched as he walked past her into the white room, sunlight leaking onto her bedside. The woman was fond of staring out the window since she woke, comforted by the familiarity of the village and the birds that flew by. That was the one thing she needed. Comfort.

Yamato sat at her bedside, and she seemed to be talking to him quietly. Her brows were furrowed deeply and she seemed strained, thoughts running through her brain.

"Kakashi-" the man began to say, desperate to say anything to his friend before the inevitable, but was interrupted.

"Y/N, I was so worried about you," he said, words tumbling out before he could even think. He just had so much to say. He continued, "I need to apologize for what happened. I know I should have been at the shop earlier to help you close, I just got caught up in something. It was my family's fault for your kidnapping. I cannot believe I dropped my guard and let this happen to you, baby-"

She looked at him, but without an ounce of the fondness he was so used to. Instead, his girlfriend just looked confused.

"I… I'm sorry but, Sir, do I know you?"

No.

Not this.

He pleaded in his head that this was not happening. That somehow he had misheard.

"It's me, Kakashi,” he replied softly, almost pleading for her to say something else.

She smiled sympathetically, peering up at him with a little glimmer of that kindness he knew in her eyes. He could tell she was confused, and he began to feel his heart break. "Uh, I'm so sorry but I don't remember you. We're we friends or something?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say something like that,” he muttered, his eyes turned to stare at the white tiles beneath his feet.He couldn’t look at her anymore.

"Yamato, you're friends with Kakashi-san, too?" She asked the brunette at her bedside, sitting in a chair wiping his sweaty palms on the thighs of his pants. He felt himself becoming nervous, especially when he felt Kakashi watching him. Why did she have to ask him that question? Why did she have to address him by his name so casually? He could feel Kakashi begin to bubble up emotions he hadn’t felt from him before.

"Yes. We are all very close friends, Y/N. You were closest with Kakashi actually."

"Then how come I can’t remember any of you?"

"I don't know." He felt fear creeping up his neck, Kakashi overwhelming his senses. The grey haired man just stood there, his eye flickering between the love of his life and his friend who apparently her brain thought was more important than him. Did he not look friendly enough to talk to? Was Yamato more inviting than he was, was that why she stopped talking to him? “I really wish I could help you there,” he mumbled.

She turned back to Kakashi and smiled, but it wasn't the one he knew from her. It was different. He hated it. He didn't even want to look at her anymore.

"I hope I remember you soon, or I'll just have to get to know you again, Kakashi-san," she chirped, reaching out to touch his hand which rested on the edge of her bed. The reaction he had was immediate and almost startling. The second her hand touched his, her warmth pressed to his cold fingers, he yanked his hand away and shoved it into his pocket.

He didn't want her to touch him. He didn't want anything other than to leave. Fuck getting to know him again. That wasn't an option.

"I need to go. I've got a mission I need to prepare for."

"Okay! Goodluck out there," she called to him as he turned on his heel to leave. He grit his teeth, feeling another wave of emotion overtake him. As he stepped outside the door, Sakura was still waiting there for him, her arms crossed over her chest sheepishly.

"Will she ever remember me again?" He asked simply.

"I don't know. She's got retrograde amnesia which can sometimes be permanent depending on the damage done to the brain. We couldn't fix it, no matter how much we tried. She doesn't remember me either. She doesn't remember Gai or Naruto or even Tsunade. She only remembers the village and a few bits and pieces that she can associate with it. Of course she remembers her name and her bookstore, but specific people and memories are essentially gone for now."

"So she's lost to us?"

"She can still get her memories back, but it will take time," she explained. "Sensei, I'm so sorry. None of us wished anything like this on you. I told Tsunade about the ring you were going to give her and the proposal, and we mourned for you. I'm so sorry." She felt so bad, and they did cry for him. They cried for the girl who got to keep her life but lost her soul.

"I have to get back to my apartment and clean up a few things," he dismissed, turning his head away from his student as well. He felt his heart clench in his chest as he walked away. The ring still sat deep in his pants pocket and he wanted nothing more than to throw it in the river.

He wished he was the one who forgot everything. Maybe this pain in his heart would subside. Maybe all the guilt would be washed away once and for all.

Part Two and Three are out.

#kakashi x reader #kakashi hatake #naruto x reader #kakashi oneshot #kakashi fanfic #naruto one shot #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi imagine #naruto imagine #fluff #angst #the reader is a vert sweet and feminine girl and i hope that doesnt offend anyone

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jimlingss · 5 years ago

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Sugar and Coffee [5]

Chapter 4 - Chapter 5 - Chapter 5.5 OR Chapter 6

➜ Words: 4.2k

➜ Genres: 99.5% Fluff, 0.5% Angst, Pâtisserie school!AU

➜ Summary: It isn't hard to be a pâtisserie chef, but it's not a piece of cake either. It seems like for you in particular, life keeps throwing in one wrench after another. It always finds ways to make your sweets bitter. The cherry on top is Jeon Jungkook — a rival with a sensitive sweet tooth who always finds ways to complain about you.

cr.

Life won’t give you a break. The moment midterms are complete, you have to begin preparing for finals. While the urge to bury yourself underneath your covers and pull the blanket over your head has lessened, you still don’t want to venture out into the world. But there’s no way to resist the inevitable. You can’t let your schooling go down the drain — it’s the only thing you’ve got going for yourself after all. 5:49 pm. Jungkook: where u at bitch? 5:50 pm. Y/N: im on the toilet asshole 5:50 pm. Y/N: call me a bitch again and ill kill you 5:50 pm. Jungkook: Gross tmi 5:52 pm. Jungkook: can i ask you for a favour tho pls You wash your hands after wiping, flushing and pulling up your pants. 5:54pm. Jungkook: dont leave me on read 5:55 pm. Y/N: clingy much 5:55 pm. Y/N: the hell do you want from me 5:55 pm. Jungkook: lovely as usual 5:56 pm. Jungkook: I need the notes for comm 209 You scoff as you re-read the message. He has some audacity asking for your notes for a class he skipped on a Friday afternoon, probably to hang out with his friends instead. But before you tell him to gladly ‘fuck off’, you’re stopped by an idea. He needs something from you and there’s something you need from him. Now’s the perfect opportunity. “Tempering chocolate?” “Yeah. You want to be a Master Chocolatier, right? This is a great opportunity to teach someone how to do it. They say you know your stuff when you can teach others.” Jungkook rolls his eyes at your shamelessness and how you’re trying to milk him to your advantage. “Somehow I think this far outweighs the favour of me getting your notes.” “Do you want to help me or not?” “Do I want to?” He looks unsure but gives in to your will anyways, or at least he's curious enough to hear your troubles. “What’s your issue with tempering chocolate?” “It just doesn’t temper right. There’s no snap or shine to it.” “Do you measure the temperature with a kitchen thermometer?” “Well obviously, Jeon. Noooo,” you pull out the syllable, voice dripping of sarcasm. “I dip my hand in to tell. Duh! Are you an idiot? What do you think?!” At once, Jungkook’s expression washes over, becoming impassive. He spins around on his heel to walk out the door, but you grab onto his sleeve desperately. “I’m kidding. It’s a joke. Sorry. Help me?” He shifts around to look at you. You’re busy batting your lashes with those eyes of yours, trying to appeal to him — it disgusts Jungkook instead. It makes him feel sick to his stomach that you’re trying to act cute when you’re obviously a brat in disguise. Yet somehow he finds himself in the kitchen on a late Tuesday night anyhow, despite having class early in the morning the next day. “What method do you use?” Jungkook asks with crossed arms as you pull out the right materials, silver bowls, chocolate, thermometers, and a cooking pot. “Which is easier?” “They’re all the same,” he deadpans. Jungkook’s arrogance irritates you but you’re not about to insult him and have him running out of the kitchen, so you restrain yourself and start with the seeding method. You chop the solid chocolate you have into smaller pieces while he watches you in boredom. After a minute, Jungkook pulls out his phone and scrolls through his social media so he can mentally stimulate himself and not have his brain cells dying on themselves. “Only three quarters of it goes into the bowl to be melted,” he says without looking up. If he did, it would occur to him that you’ve already got it prepared and on top of the double boiler too. “I know.” “Do you want me to help or not?” “When I ask for it.” Jungkook’s eyes flicker up. “Well didn’t you ask for my help?” “Not now, Jeon.” You sigh. It was quite profound how quickly the bastard could get under your skin for doing so little. “God, you can be so fucking—” He suddenly puts his hand up to silence you and he sniffs with that big fucking nose of his. “Why do I smell burning?” Jungkook looks over to your pot on the stove and notices it steaming oddly. You follow his line of sight and take your bowl off, hissing at how hot it is. “Careful,” he scolds and looks over. Jungkook nearly facepalms himself into a coma. “Oh my god, you forgot to add water into the double boiler?!” “It’s because you were distracting me!” you shout at him and run over to the sink to add it in. The water begins burning as it hits the hot double boiler, sizzling and smoking even more. Jungkook groans. “You’re supposed to help me, not look at your phone! Maybe I would’ve realized if you actually paid any attention!” “Fine, fine.” You add an inch of water to the double boiler. It’s an improvement. But then as it begins to steam properly with the candy thermometer in the chocolate as you agitate it with a spatula, you look down and your blood runs cold. “Oh shit.” “What?” Jungkook sighs. Frankly, it’s impressive you’ve made it this far into the program. He didn’t know you were such an idiot in the kitchen — you might as well burn the whole place down and he wouldn’t be surprised. “How’d you manage that?” You rush to grab a paper towel, trying to dab the water that got into the bowl. But Jungkook clicks his tongue. “Don’t bother. You have to start again. If you get water into the chocolate, it makes it seize and becomes unstable.” “How do you know that?!” “Do you even read your textbook?” He is appalled and you pull out the cutting board to chop chocolate all over again, starting from the beginning. Jungkook sighs, spinning around his stool as you repeat the steps and put the chocolate over the heat. “You know what the temperature needs to be, right?” “A hundred fifteen. I’m not an idiot.” “I don’t know about that,” he chimes. “You forgot to add water to a double boiler.” Your arm drops to the side, putting the spatula down. “Okay, fuck you. I haven’t seen you actually give me good advice or anything. I asked for your help, not for you to berate me.” “What advice do you need?” His brow cocks upwards. “It’s pretty self-explanatory. Just follow the procedure and you’ve got yourself tempered chocolate!” “I can’t believe I thought you could ever teach me!” you hiss at him. “You’re a condescending asshole.” “Excuse me? Guess who’s with you on a Tuesday night?! I’m an angel for helping you!” “No one asked you to!” you scream back at the top of your lungs. Jungkook scoffs. Any other time where he wasn’t being attacked, he’d recognize that you were returning to your former self, but he still doesn’t appreciate your brattiness. “Are you kidding m— God! What’s burning now?!” Him and that giant nose of his inhales and a delayed moment later, it hits you too. The both of you whirl around to where the chocolate is burning. “You forgot to stir!” “It’s not like you reminded me to! You’re a distraction!” It’s excruciating. Jungkook has a feeling he’s going to be here all night, so he helps you speed up the process. While you clean up the mess, he chops more chocolate. And this time, you both manage to get it in the bowl, stirring, without anything burning whatsoever. The chocolate goes to a hundred fifteen degrees before you remove it from the heat and add the rest of the chocolate you reserved on the side. The temperature is brought down to eighty six degrees and then you put it back on the boiler to melt it all at ninety degrees. A strip test is done, a streak of chocolate made on parchment. And for a whole two minutes, you wait for it to set. But it doesn’t. “What the hell…?” Jungkook is genuinely perplexed and finally, he gets what you’ve been talking about. “See? It just doesn’t work!” He shakes his head, refusing to admit defeat. “It must’ve increased in heat before we added the other chocolate in. Let’s try again.” The pair of you chop chocolate across from each other, silent in your determination. But when you glance up, you see Jungkook’s brows furrowed, thoughts probably lost. You don’t see him serious often — well you do, but you never paid much attention to him before. Not like now. The process is repeated. The chocolate is melted to a hundred fifteen degrees and then decreased down to eighty six as you add in the loose chocolate, and then it’s brought back up again…. But then the temperature begins climbing — faster than you and Jungkook can react. “Fuck, fuck.” The two of you help each other take the bowl off the pot in urgency and then press your burning fingers to your ears before running it under cold water. “It went to a hundred? Do you think it’ll be okay?” “I don’t know. We have to test it.” The strip test is done, but the chocolate never sets. It stays wet. Dull. “Mother fuc—” “We’ll try again,” Jungkook reassures you with a hand on your shoulder. It’s painful having to re-doing everything and going way later into the night than you initially intended. You feel like you’re being driven crazy, but you’re glad Jungkook’s here with you — you know you’re not going insane alone. You look back at your textbook and your notes, making sure you’re doing it right and you hope for the best in the next batch. “It set….but it’s so streaky.” You look up at Jungkook who’s an inch away. He hums and leans down to get a closer look. “It’s bloom. The lipids moved through the cracks of the chocolate.” “You think it’s because the kitchen’s too hot?” “Yeah, we should try to put it in the fridge to cool.” One last attempt is made. It takes twenty more minutes and then it’s put in the fridge. But after the chocolate sets, there’s no shine or snap. Jungkook finds slumped on the floor, spooning chocolate, one of the failed attempts, into your mouth. You’re hugging the silver bowl in your lap like it’s your anchor. “I give up.” It feels like you’ve gone through a thousand batches. The kitchen is an absolute mess — spatulas and tasting spoons littered on the counter, double bowlers and bowls, wasted chocolate everywhere. There’s a sink-full to wash and that alone makes you want to cry. You slurp up more chocolate in an attempt to feel better. “Fuck chocolate.” But why does it have to taste so delicious? “I don’t understand why it’s so hard,” Jungkook admits with a frown. It just doesn’t seem to work with you. “It’s not rocket science. It was fine when I did it.” “Fuck you. You’re not supposed to boast. You’re supposed to help me.” “Was the last two and a half hours not helping you?” he questions. “You just have to watch your temperatures and keep practicing.” “That’s helpful.” “Hey, I’m trying.” Jungkook pisses you off. Everything comes so easy for him. As chocolate destroys you, he’s out here wanting to be a chocolatier. But maybe it suits him — chocolate’s an asshole and so is he. “I’d like to see you try to caramelize sugar as well as I can, or better yet, pipe flowers.” The boy scoffs, looking down at you and your patheticness. You don’t even realize you have chocolate all over your mouth. “That’s easy.” “I worked at a cupcake shop for three summers.” You stand up on your feet, facing him head on. “You think you can beat me in piping flowers?” “I think I can do better than you can temper chocolate.” Jungkook smirks arrogantly, enough to push you off the edge. “Let’s bet on it then!” “Fine. How much?” You have a better idea than money. “Loser has to cover for the winner during the internship in May. Whenever the winner goes on break or makes a mistake.” He scoffs. It’s a big wager but it sounds delightful when he knows you’re going down. “Deal.” // It’s a busy Thursday, but that doesn’t stop any of you. Even after a long day of classes, sitting in lecture halls listening to theory to working in the kitchens, you find yourselves a spare kitchen space afterwards to finally put this all to rest. You won’t tell Jungkook that you practiced all of yesterday by yourself and actually got it to work once — you nearly started to cry out of happiness when the chocolate tempered. “You want me to make this?” Jungkook looks at the picture on your phone. “Yep. I made it last summer using buttercream. They’re peonies. Why? Think it’s too hard?” He scoffs. “As if. Watch, I’ll make it better than you did.” “Uh-huh. Keep talking, Jeon.” Jungkook eagerly takes on your challenge. While you take up half the kitchen, he manages the other half, and the two of you share the center island together. You get your double boiler ready, chopping up chocolate to melt while Jungkook mixes butter, vanilla, confectioner's sugar, and milk together. The fucker doesn’t even use a hand mixer. He simply uses a spoon to make it, blatantly showing off as his veins in his forearm pop. He smirks when he notices you staring and you roll your eyes. Jungkook makes a variety of colours, pastel pinks and baby blues, and puts them into the piping bag as you stir the chocolate over the heat. You focus on the numbers on your thermometer, but out of the corner of your eye, you watch him. He cuts squares of parchment, puts one on a flower stand, adds a small cone of thick buttercream to the paper, and then picks his tip. You muse that he must’ve been doing his studying when he chooses a one twenty seven tip. It’s a straight teardrop shape, and he squeezes while turning the nail wide ends towards the center, narrow end outwards. But he sighs after a moment, hands halting. It’s your turn to smirk. “Not so easy, is it?” His eyes flicker up to glare at you. “Keep a watch on that chocolate before you burn it again, brat.” You scoff, continuing to stir. You keep your heat low so the temperature climbs slowly. In the meanwhile, Jungkook switches his tip out for a one twenty and tries again. You take a glance, and it’s not too bad — still sloppier than yours and he knows it too. After a moment of frustration, he switches to a one twenty two. “You should check the consistency of that buttercream,” you sing-song. “Can’t be too stiff or soft.” “I’m fully aware.” “Are you?” You smile at him, mockingly so. “Just making sure.” Jeon Jungkook doesn’t appreciate you provoking him, but realizes it’s similar to how he treated you. It’s not his fault his forte isn’t in teaching. And yours clearly isn’t either. “A one twenty five?” You scoff. “Are you trying to make a rose or a peony?” Jungkook’s smile is stiff. “What do you suggest I use then?” “Go back to the one twenty seven tip or pick a curved teardrop shape. Also, you’re squeezing too hard too fast, muscle pig.” “I know something else I squeeze too hard too fast,” he mutters as he follows your instructions. “Go fuck yourself, Jeon.” “Didn’t need to spell it out, sweetheart, but that’s exactly what I do every night.” He smirks and you roll your eyes again. “God, you’re going to make me throw up all over my chocolate.” You take it off the heat once it reaches a hundred fifteen degrees, putting the rest of your chocolate in and mixing. You have a good feeling about this batch. Even if it’s your first try of the day too. Usually you’d rush, get too impatient, but it’s entertaining to see Jungkook struggle. Time goes by faster. You mix in your chocolate, bringing the temperature back up again, and you do a strip test when it’s all nicely melted, putting it in the fridge. All there’s left to do is wait a few minutes now. You come back, dusting your hands off, feeling confident. Meanwhile, Jungkook is still piping flowers with his thick brows furrowed, the tip of his tongue peeking out as he concentrates. “It’s taking you a while there, Jeon.” “Whatever.” He sighs, resting his hands on the counter as he rolls his neck. “You had a full three hours practicing with me on Tuesday. This is the first time in a while that I’m piping, alright? Give me a break.” “Uh-huh. All I hear are your excuses. Less talk, more work.” You grab some parchment and an icing bag he’s left abandoned in a cup. With a flower needle, you begin piping yourself to pass the time. It’s actually one of your favourite things to do — it’s therapeutic. You can listen to the sound of your own breathing and the crinkling of the piping bag while you make literal flowers from your hands. You break out of your focus to find Jungkook watching you intently. Your arm extends, showing off your flower with pride. “Pretty, right?” The icing flower has perfect ruffles and petals. It looks real, and by the expression he has, he’s already aware. Jungkook grumbles incoherently and returns back to work, making you giggle. You take another piece of parchment, but this time you steal a spatula-full of his blue icing and put it in the pink bag to make two-tone flowers. And you pipe them on, spinning the flower nail, as it comes to you with ease. You listen to the crinkling of the icing bag, your heartbeat in your own ears, the white noise of the quiet kitchen, and Jungkook’s breathing. You’re not sure what compels you, perhaps a sudden urge, but you quietly blurt— “I never stole your millie cake recipe.” “What?” His eyes flicker up and Jungkook finds you concentrating on piping, not paying him any mind. “The September incident,” you murmur out of the corner of your mouth. “I never stole your mirror glazed blueberry whatever millie cake recipe like you think I did.” Maybe you’re telling him because things are different now. You know he won’t jump down your throat and accuse you otherwise, for lying, or trying to cover yourself. Won’t denounce you. Bark out in laughter. Your relationship with Jungkook has become strange recently — you think it’s something other people would call a friendship. But you thought he should know. Just in case he still hates you for it. You know you don’t hate him so much anymore. “You threatened to go up to the Dean and expel me, remember?” Your pupils flicker up for a moment. Jungkook recalls it clearly — the confrontation in the kitchen, the fight that broke out, how you slapped him, how he was planning to do everything possible to get you expelled. How you were ostracized over the rumours for weeks until people forgot and moved on as they naturally did. But you and Jungkook never did. You always both remembered. “I went to Mrs. Ahn before she left on maternity leave. I was stuck — didn’t know what to add to my portfolio, so I asked her. And she gave me your recipe as a reference. Told me to give it a try. Gain inspiration from it.” You put your hands down, connecting your eyes with his. Jungkook is rendered speechless. “And that was when I saw you…?” “Yep. You busted into the kitchen without letting me explain and accused me of stealing your shit when I didn’t even know it belonged to you. I didn’t know you were the one who came up with it.” “Why…” He shakes his head, frowning deep enough that it hurts. “Why didn’t you say anything?” “You didn’t deserve it. The truth. I knew I was right and I was so….so mad that you could accuse me of stealing, that I could even be capable of such a thing. I wanted you to bring it up to the Dean. I wanted you to do it so you could be embarrassed when you realized what actually happened.” It’s all in the past now. Your anger doesn’t surge as much anymore, but you can still recall a time when you felt utterly enraged he could think so lowly of you — a time when Jungkook didn’t deserve your explanation, so you slapped him. In hindsight, it was probably a bad decision on your part. You escalated the situation when it didn’t need to and it spiraled out of control. You’re at fault for being rash and impulsive as much as he is. “It wasn’t like I was going to use it anyway,” you mutter with a sigh and pick up a new square of parchment to continue piping. “For inspiration or whatnot, much less add to my own portfolio. I swapped the blueberries for blackberries, and it turned out to be disgusting. I messed up on the glaze part too.” You muse, “Chocolate’s never been nice to me.” Jungkook absolutely baffled. Bewildered. All of this hatred against each other was caused by a misunderstanding. All of it which could’ve been avoided. “I—” “Wow, are you kids practicing your techniques?” Miss. Kang is at the door, visibly impressed as she regards you both. “And here I was on my way home. You two are so diligent! And look at you both working together like this! I always knew you put your differences aside and be friends.” “You have great timing, Miss. Kang.” You smile at her. “Jungkook and I were just having a friendly contest. Would you like to be our judge?” “Sure. I think I can spare a moment or two.” She steps in, looking around. “What are we doing here? Looks like someone was tempering chocolate and you’re….piping! Goodness, me. Did you make those, Y/N? They’re very lovely.” “Thank you.” You grin, beaming from the praise of your piping skills. “But the contest was me tempering chocolate against Jungkook piping.” You move over to the fridge, taking out the metal tray with your strip test. You hand it to her, and she hums. “Very shiny, and it slides right off the parchment!” she exclaims. For the final examination, the young female teacher bends the chocolate and it audibly snaps. You could burst out into cries of happiness. “Looks tempered to me.” You look over at Jungkook, head quirked to the side, wearing a big smile that’s infectious enough to make him grin too. “Here’s my piping.” He places the parchment on the counter and she leans over to study it, humming. “Not too bad, Jungkook. A little messy around the edges, but I’d say a job well done. If this was an actual exam, I’d give you full marks.” Jungkook cocks a brow towards you, sly smirk on his face. You step forward. “So which is better?” “Well, it’s very difficult to judge on tempering chocolate and piping since they’re two completely different things. I’d say it was equal.” “If you had to pick one?” you ask, desperate for a winner to be proclaimed. Miss Kang hums a long note. You and Jungkook are put in suspense, anticipating her final decision. She taps her chin, deciding to chew on your chocolate as she studies the flower. Finally, the teacher nods. “I can’t complain about the chocolate — it’s a hundred percent tempered. But I can say the piping needs a little more work, so…” “I win!” You give Jungkook a cheeky grin causing him to scoff lightly. “It was a stroke of luck.” “Keep telling yourself that, Jeon.” “It’s a tie,” he insists, “She said only if she had to pick.” “That’s true.” Miss. Kang backs him up before you can retort. But you still pout. “Sore loser. I win and you know it.” “Hmmm.” Jungkook playfully shakes his head. “Don’t think so. Let’s just call it even, Y/N.” “Nuh-uh. That’s not how it works!” The pair of you argue back and forth — yet there’s no real malice. It’s simply banter and it causes Miss. Kang to laugh. She bids her farewell and quips that you both better get the kitchen clean. In the end, Jungkook compromises. He still insists it’s a tie but he does the hard work of cleaning the dishes and you give into his will. As you prepare the mop water, he scrubs the bowls. “I’m sorry,” Jungkook pipes up after a second of quiet contemplation. He turns his head to look at you. “For the misunderstanding.” “You don’t have to be sorry.” You divert your vision elsewhere. “Not anymore. You’ve given me more reasons to be thankful. So we’ll call this even.” Jeon Jungkook smiles softly. “Deal.”

#bts fanfic #bts scenario #jungkook fanfic #jungkook scenario #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jungkook baking AU #jungkook baking!AU #btsboulangerie #Y'ALL THE FLUFF AND UWU IS SO MUCH I CAN BARELY TAKE IT

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dirt-grub · 4 years ago

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Dan and or chris for the headcannon thingy?

OKAY ONCE MORE FROM THE TOP CAUSE TUMBLR ATE THE LAST ONE

ahem.

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

Dan had a shit childhood and shit parents, and isn’t dealing with any of the issues spawned by that, hence why his life is kind of a disaster and his functionality as an independent adult is uh. subpar.

Having grown up together and witnessed some of it secondhand, Chris knows not to bring it up too much with Dan. They both have an unspoken agreement and understanding not to approach certain topics with each other. They’re very good at reading each other, so Chris knows exactly how much he can actually get away with prodding Dan to act like a people for once, and vice versa Dan knows when to actually drop an argument when it gets into a serious place. Its incredibly weird for Elise to watch, and as incredibly close she is with Chris they have a very close bond that’s difficult for her to understand with how far back it goes. Also, in the beginning of Chris and Elise’s relationship, despite very vocally objecting to the entire thing when Chris was around, Dan begrudgingly gave Elise advice on how to speak Chris essentially, telling her what to avoid and what to talk about with him. He phrased it in a condescending way but we all know he was being a softie because he knows Elise makes Chris happy :,)

(also bonus every single roadtrip with all three of them ends up like this)

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious

Dan is always visibly covered in cat hair. Trust me I’ve had a black and white cat before and you just can’t win. Whatever color you wear SOME of the fur will ALWAYS show up on it. You can always tell where Dan has been you just follow the trail

Chris’ gap/chip/whatever in his front teeth were the result of some dare. Based on a story from my childhood where we all dared a kid on my bus to lick the frozen bus window, and the bus jerked and he smashed his face on it and lost a tooth. Luckily irl it was a baby tooth but like that seems like a very Chris thing to happen even tho im sure its actually just genetic (also Brian if youre out there im sorry i laughed at you when you lost your tooth and im also sorry i stole your holographic staraptor pokemon card. id still have it if it wasnt for that miserable little troll bastard down the street who then stole it from ME a few years later. poetic justice i guess)

C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

*cracks knuckles* i was born for this

Dan’s never slept a full night in his entire adult life, and has terrible nightmares constantly. His hypervigilance directly comes from his awful childhood, and Chris is his one single source of stability where most well adjusted people would have an entire complex system of friends and family to rely on. Chris is his ‘safe’ person -which I think is primarily an anxiety term but oh boy trust me is it a post traumatic thing also- The two have fundamentally different outlooks on the world and relationships, so theirs is pretty complicated, with Chris not actually realizing that despite the poor treatment, Dan has him on a pedestal in his mind that no one else has ever been privy to before. He has a damn shitty way of showing affection, but its revealed through his constant dependency on Chris and Chris alone that he holds him in incredibly high regards and would likely be devastated into complete nonfunctionality without him around.

Chris has some self esteem issues with this and how it relates to his perceived importance in the lives of his loved ones. With Elise as well, he feels overshadowed by her talent and dependability, not realizing he’s the rock keeping both her and Dan grounded and relatively happy. Elise however is way better at communicating how much she loves Chris and genuinely both needs and wants him around. Also, I believe that Dan’s insane plots are some sort of an appeal to Chris in an outdated way- when they were younger they used to make those crazy plans together, as evidenced by the camp episode and mentioned a few times in passing (there was some line that stuck out to me in the gym ep along the lines of lets do it like old times, come up with a plan together) in Dan’s disconnected mind, he’s still in the past where Elise was never a participant in their lives and Chris and him were still immature and carefree, just the two of them against the world. In a misguided way, he thinks he’s inviting Chris to something fun and nostalgic every time he drags him along for something insane, not realizing in cases like the camp episode they were in the right and forced to fight back against something, and that stretching small grievances into huge meltdowns is an issue, the opposite of what would appeal to Chris now in his adulthood. Part of him is worried about him and that old bond being left behind if he doesn’t keep that very specific set of circumstances going.

that got too long and psychoanalyzey lets move on HKDAUSL

D: would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

TRANS TRANS TRANS T

this isnt as much a headcanon as an observation but dan has powerful new yorker energy (to me, the new yorker who never shuts up about new yorking). he just checks off a lot of the stereotypes and i wouldnt be surprised if the two of them had grown up around here instead of always living in cali like is canon. he checks all the boxes, rude, loud, opinionated, impatient, cant drive but complains about every other driver on the road, snobby in a weird despite living in a shithole apartment in a cesspool neighborhood, confrontational with complete strangers, colorful aggressive language, the whole thing. ive found personally that whenever im far enough out of state it is PAINFULLY obvious im from new york, given how im just naturally more aggressive in my speaking and mannerism completely unintentionally. Like, ive got a sailors mouth, i complain REAL hyperbolically, and until i noticed it it genuinley put people off who werent used to it HDUSALAS its just. the norm here. im not as angry as i sound lmfao i just talk real aggressive which is v dan

#long post #FINALLY god this took me an hour to write out #connor talks #dan vs #literally feel free to ask for more details on any of these ever im always talking about them in my head #answered asks

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ibitchytimemachine · 6 years ago

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Author Showcase

Ok so for this first Author Showcase, I decided to review four of my favorite fics from an author who writes mostly one shots. I love so much of what she writes, and am so excited when she posts something new because I know it is going to be in depth, emotional, twisty and just everything I want out of a fic. So we will be diving into four fics from @blacksheep1105, Fine, Royal Jewelry, The Sweetest Dream and her newest fic, Within. You can click each of these titles to read the fics, or you can click the titles in the post to go to the works!! Thoughts below the cut!

Fine

So this fic is absolutely my favorite story from Sheep. I love the whole message behind it. Bulma is feeling pretty shit about something doesn't matter what it is, cause people get pissy about serious shit and stupid shit so it's realistic. Yamcha is a total douche to her, blowing her off and then momma briefs just blows her off too. BUT then here comes Vegeta and he offers her what she needed, a sounding board.

So firstly, i love this idea of Vegeta seeking Bulma out when she's upset because he realizes she's helped him after the GR explosion just cause she's a good person. And he kinda liked that… and he kinda wants to share that feeling back with her. I can see that as a legit like canon reason their whole friendship turn relationship begins. Sure Vegeta is OOC in this fic, but he needs to be to get the moral across so it doesn't bother me.

Sheep has fantastic characterizations of Yamcha and Panchy too. Yamcha is completely oblivious, and carefree and douchey. Panchy is also oblivious and too happy and whatever…. She is like a stepford wife wanting and needing everything to be perfect.

This is the best thing ever. I have crippling anxiety/depression. Sometimes i freak out about seemingly stupid things. Sometimes i just need people to notice me. I'm not one to scream and make a big deal about my feelings (especially online) but sometimes i just try to tell people.. hey im not ok. If you run into someone who is not ok - let them vent. Please dont tell them its ok. And this is advice i need to take too cause i suck at people, but just be there for them. And go read this one shot cause it is fantastic.

The Sweetest Dream

So I think this is the fic most people know by her, and rightfully so. One thing that Sheep does really well is creating an atmosphere. From the very beginning of the piece you can feel the tension in the air, Bulma’s complete despondency. The way she fixates on certain objects in the room and describes how Bulma walks by them and thinks about them really adds to the idea of a great obsession or depression. I like the bookending of the scenes with words, helps drive home this obsessive feeling. And Bulma is very obsessed at this point. Vegeta is lost to war and her life is once again thrown into turmoil.

Each scene drives home the fact that Bulma is basically killing herself with grief. Between the details of things that happened in the past, and sheer world building that takes place all in one room of the palace (and the world feels so much larger than the palace which is really special) the story feels rich. One of my favorite details is when the servant comes in and she is wearing golden chains because she is going to be around the royals, but that she will go back to wearing the iron (or steel) chains when she is relegated to the kitchens in the upcoming week.

It is really nice touch that you need to pay attention to the passage of time. I have to admit I had to read the story a few times before I actually understood what was happening, but only because I didn’t pay attention to the time stamps. The utter horror that you feel at the end of the piece is so heartbreaking. Bulma gets her world torn away from her, then its given back and hell if it isn’t torn away again. The emotion in the piece is fantastic. Speaking of emotion…. This last scene with the Beeps… fuck it is heartbreaking. Like I cry reading it. She keeps this Beep throughout the scene and it helps build the tension and takes the emotion to another level by having the reader focus on this sound that is driving Bulma out of her dreamland… and the last beep reverberates so much because it is like a blackout scene at the end of a TV show and it just fucking rings in the audiences brain… Just very very intelligently written.

Royal Jewelry

So this piece is the first I read from her and there are several things I really love about it.

The first is the humor in it. It is not a serious piece and it is written in the way that reminds us that it is not serious. She was so smart in the way she chose words to elicit a humorous response in the reader. Even in some of the smut there is an irreverent humor that is just really special and I think adds exponentially to the charm of the piece. Bulma is in the IDGAF stage of dealing with Vegeta and his sex bullshit, hell even the name of the piece is a wink and its almost puny which I adore a good pun so that always good.

The next thing is the smut. Its just a fantasy, but it is written really well. Vegeta is imagining all these things and who the hell knows if it is actually gonna happen, but it is pretty damn detailed. Her choice of terminology is fantastic and really feels dirty in the best way. Her descriptions of things like the way Bulma is shaved and how Vegeta will push her deeper into the bed as he fucks her is really really hot. Also, I can’t forget to mention my personal favorite, when Vegeta is imagining how his dick will spread her lips as he puts it inside her. The imagery is just on point and really stellar.

The last thing I want to talk about is the tone of this piece and the growth that I see from this piece to her most recent fic Within. This piece is astoundingly different in tone from the other pieces I have reviewed here. She has a talent for writing heavier pieces, but she also writes humor and light things just as well which I really can’t say for everyone. This piece is good - I genuinely enjoy it, but it is quite a bit more raw feeling than her most recent pieces. I completely blame that on practice, she has been writing in this way a lot longer and the growth is astounding between this first piece of hers and the new stuff. This last piece is so well put together and I can see how her writing is just getting better and better and better with each piece she puts out. I am genuinely astounded by how good she was when she started putting pieces out there, but then I think about how fantastic Within is and there is such a difference in her writing. So I commend her on working at getting better.

Within

So this is Sheep’s submission for the Vegebulocracy Mini Bang 2019. It is absolutely fantastic and combines all of the best things she does into one piece (minus smut, there are a few hot scenes, but if you are looking for smut, its not here). The freaking tension she builds in this piece is fantastic. You really have no clue what the end game of the piece is until the very end. And then when the twist hits you, it is insane. The way she has Vegeta use his sexuallity against Bulma is fantastic. There are two places he freaking plays with her sexual attraction to him just for shits and giggles. And hell the last time he flirts with her, he does it simply to knock Bulma off her guard so he can get the information he wants out of her.

This is her best work. I say that knowing just how fucking good The Sweetest Dream is, but the range of emotions in this piece is really fantastic. She writes this wonderful sexual tension, humor, anger. And they all fit within the piece in a fantastic way, but also they are so in character. She uses the same bookending device where she repeats a phrase at the beginning and end of a scene and it works so nicely to anchor the main theme of each section. This is a freaking complex one shot and it was quite ambitious of her to write this for something like the Mini Bang.

If you don’t read anything else by her, read this one. She captures such an amazing range of emotion in it.It has this beautiful plot that feels meandering, but all of a sudden all the parts fit together and you see what is happening, which makes second read throughs so nice.

Something I really love about Sheep’s writing, is the uniqueness of her ideas. I would have never come up with the twists that she did in The Sweetest Dream or Within. They are truly fantastic story ideas and hell if they aren’t really really well written. One thing that I will say is that as I read through her pieces again, I see so much growth in her writing. She started with Royal Jewels, which is NICE, but then when you read some of her other pieces you see this wonderful Craftsman she is. Because she is not a native English speaker some words have contextual issues, but the main idea is always there. Some slight grammar things are in the pieces, but they are not issues that take away from the reading experience at all. It takes her a lot of time to write, partly because of the fact she is writing in English instead of German, but I whole heartedly believe that her pieces are worth the wait. They are super unique, the twists are fabulous, they are slightly dark (which I love), really well written and I gotta be honest, sometimes I want a really good story that doesnt take me a week to read cause it is 300,000 words. Please take some time to go read this awesome authors works, I 100 percent recommend the above ones, but she has others that are really really great too!!

If you liked this review, after you check this fic out, head over to my A03 and read some of my stuff!

#BTM Fic Review #blacksheep115 #fanfic review #A03 #fanfic recommendation #go read these cause they are awesome #happy birthday girl

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rontra · 6 years ago

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do you have any recommendations on how to like. Take In Umineko. I think it looks really cool and I’d like to get into it, but there’s a lot of things that are confusing (like all of the different games, the manga, the anime, ect.) and I’m not really sure where to start watching/reading it. Do you have any advice on where the best place to start is?

HOH BABY NOW THIS IS A GOOD ASK

Basically, a lot of this depends on you and how you prefer to take in media. People are different after all; some people like reading long novels, some prefer comics, u know! So let’s just go over all the avenues and how to get at them, and the rest is up to you!

I’m gonna make this post very long. VERY VERY LONG. IM SO FUCKn SORyr

First, I’ll talk abt what umineko is; then I’ll discuss the various media; finally, at the end, I’ll write down what I typically recommend to newcomers! SCROLL REALLY FAST TO THE HEADERS IF U HAVE NO TIME FOR MY RAMBLING LOL

So…here we goooo

READING UMINEKO: UNTANGLING THE WEB

OR: what the fuck is umineko and why do you want me to read it, diesel?

Since this is a general To Whom It May Concern post: Umineko no Naku Koro ni (Or Umineko: When They Cry, alternatively When The Seagulls Cry) is a murder mystery/fantasy/metafiction visual novel published between 2007 and 2011. I know “murder mystery” and “metafiction” sound pretty boring when you combine them, but trust me–Umineko’s unlike anything you’ve seen, and defies explanation. Still, I’m here to do my best!

Umineko is about a rich and complicated family, and their annual family conference–and the year it goes super duper badly. On an isolated island, in the middle of a typhoon, tragedy befalls the family–on a massive scale! Someone is killing them–all of them–and the only answer that seems to be rising is–

“Beatrice did it.”

But Beatrice isn’t supposed to really exist. Not for real!! No one by that name is on the island. It’s just a story! She’s made up–Beatrice is a legend. A witch who has lived for a thousand years–who loaned the family patriarch ten tons of gold, an insane amount of wealth, in exchange for his soul. Now she’s collecting on that loan, taking everything back, with interest–the lives of the family included.

Is the culprit a human, or not? Does the witch exist, or not?Is the culprit one of the 18 people? Does a 19th person exist? Or…?And, most importantly–when the typhoon passes, will anyone remain alive on the island?

[YouTube: Umineko opening]

I’d super-recommend Umineko if you enjoy: strong characterization, a solidly built mystery (with plenty of smaller mysteries to try your brain with along the way ;) ), complex and nuanced characters, hype magic fights, Logic-Based Combat(???), deep discussions of trauma and its consequences, large casts of characters, Genre Fuckery, coping, Meta™, and milfs Complex Lore

I would, however, NOT recommend Umineko if you are triggered by/can’t stomach reading about: body horror, gore, death, trauma, child abuse, bullying, discussion of suicide, discussion of sexual assault, etc (you can message me for a more complete list of warnings; I’m happy to provide super-specific ones if there’s something specific you’re concerned about, or even give you specific scenes to watch out for. I kept this vague on purpose, but if you message me off anon or via DMs here or at @aceyasu, I’ll be happy to answer anything!)

Overall it’s a pretty dark, emotional story, with a lot of Themes™–but it’s also full of love and genuine heartfelt Feelings. I don’t think any story has touched me the way Umineko has! Of course, everyone’s experience is very unique to them, but I think Umineko has something for everyone (provided, of course, that we’re taking into account the content warnings and excluding people who can’t/don’t want to encounter those things!). The characters, music, story and message–it all has a lot of heart and it all is very important to me as an individual. Obviously no media is flawless, but I think Umineko’s good outweighs its bad…YMMV though of course :p

Also, hype magic fights.

OKAY WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY

Umineko’s story is told over 8 arcs–styled as “episodes”. I use “arc” and “episode” sort of interchangeably! Specific ones I just call “EP#” though. All you really need to know though is there’s 8 of them, of varying length, and you have to read them all for the full story.

Thankfully they’re numbered, am i right?? HAFDmgkdfmg

Each episode has its own focus within the overarching narrative and comes with its own fun mysteries and harrowing developments just for you! yay! But basically, the important thing is that they’re divided into the Question Arcs (1-4) and Answer Arcs (5-8).

Sometimes, to make things confusing, the Answer Arcs are also called “Core Arcs” or “Chiru”. I will use “Answer Arcs” here, but if you encounter those two elsewhere, that’s what they are. :p

ACTUALLY EXPERIENCING UMINEKO

(now that im done YAPPING)

The anime

Generally viewed as a poor product. It’s a bad adaption that fails as a standalone, too, because of the amount of important scenes that are missing. Don’t watch the anime first if you really want to get into Umineko. It’s a fun watch once you know how it’s supposed to go, though :p Covers the Question Arcs only, ends with EP4–so even if it was good, it would only be half the story… press f to pay respects. The opening fuckin slaps though, and all the VAs are solid.

The manga

Each Episode has its own manga adaption, usually done by a different artist (with exception of EP1, EP3, and EP8, which are all by the same artist). Generally solid; gets the most important parts. For people who want to get through quicker, the manga helps a lot.

The primary cost is that a lot of characterization doesn’t get to shine AS bright, as there’s simply no time to get into the nooks and crannies (still a great cast, though). However, the art is usually fantastic–since the artist changes every EP, it’s easy to deal with even if you don’t like a specific one’s style. It’ll be gone by next Episode!

A lot of moments get punched up by the more visual format of the manga. You really get a better sense of the characters interacting physically with one another! You do, however, run into the Scanlation Problem…..

I know, I know–most people, when given the option to, don’t want to pay for things. So when given the choice between fan scanlations and the official release, a lot of people would choose the scanlations. And they’re fine…for the most part…except for the parts that aren’t. Some parts (notably in the Answer Arcs) are…bad. Really bad. Even I can’t really understand it sometimes, despite knowing this story inside out… LOL

If you’re good at parsing Scanlation SNAFU or can’t afford/don’t want to buy it, you can find Umineko on MOST manga hosts! I don’t know which you prefer so I’m not gonna link ‘em hahahafkgmfh I usually use Manga Rock but that’s because I usually am reading on my phone and I like their app. The episodes are all numbered, so it’s pretty easy to find your way around!

On the other hand, if you have a hard time understanding poor translations, reading inconsistent typesetting/fonts, or simply Can afford it/prefer buying media, the manga is being officially released in English by YenPress! As is standard nowadays, you can get them in both physical volumes and digital e-books! However, YenPress’ release is currently ongoing–the first volume of EP8 is slated to release in March.

[YenPress link]

The visual novel

Ah, here we are–the head honcho himself…! This is the original version of Umineko. These are the ones we call “games”, and why we sometimes say u “play” Umineko, but. Really. It’s just reading. They’re kinetic novels. Its literally just reading. So I don’t know why we complicate things like that.

(“if she an .exe, shes a game”, I guess… xD)

This is where the characterization and voice of Umineko really shines! The style is often simple to read, sometimes even comically casual, but it cuts deep when it wants to. Even really simple lines can have a really strong impact–it’s a really pleasant style to read, IMO…pretty easy to understand most of the time, but emotionally resonant all the same!

Reading the VN is somewhat of an undertaking, because of the amount of hours required…It’s a far longer read. Depending on your reading speed and whether or not you pause to think/talk about things as you read, people clock in 100-200 hours to finish it.

But, on the upside–because it has so much more time than the manga, the VN can really get deep into the characters, their dynamics, and their inner conflicts. You really get a deep sense for everyone’s character and it makes most of the cast feel fleshed-out enough that you appreciate all of them to some extent (whether positive or negative :P)

Oh, actually–the original Umineko branded itself a “Sound Novel”….as opposed to a Visual Novel, where the emphasis is on, uh–Visuals–Umineko leans more heavily on audio to create its atmosphere. And the music? Fuckin rips!! The Umineko soundtrack is huge and has tons of absolute bangers. It’s easy to see why it decided to market itself as a Sound Novel rather than a visual novel–the graphics of the original PC version are simple, but the atmospheric sound effects and BGM really shines.

Here’s some enticing tracks to pique yr interest (be careful about the comments/etc though, there’s Definitely spoilers in there xD)[worldenddominator] [dead angle] [dir] [system0] [hope]

The VN nowadays is split into the two halves; if you get EP4, it’ll include 1-3 as well, essentially. Picking up Question Arcs (or EP4) and Answer Arcs (or EP8) gives u the whole 8 episodes. Easy peasy! Because we live in the future now, and retroactive inclusion of past games is just convenient!

There is an official English release now, which is a brand new luxury. It’s even on Steam! Wow! That’s the easiest way to get your paws on the hands-on experience. The translation has been slightly updated as well! Also, they added a new set of toggle-able graphics that are…um…I mean they’re certainly new…#BarelyContainedOpinionAlert

If you don’t want to pay or can’t afford it…uhhh….I used to have torrent links but they’re all dead. :T still, you can probably just find them, if you know your way around torrents. For the translation, you’ll have to either get a pre-patched version of the game, or use the translation group’s instructions to patch it yourself.

If you can’t do either of those, or just don’t really have a preference, or…any number of reasons, you can also find all the games fully recorded and uploaded to YouTube (with or without commentary)!

As for the links, I’ve got them right h–

Wait–oh, sh–the graphics are bad?!? You think the graphics are bad? Or you think plain reading is boring? Y-you can’t understand what the background image in this scene is even supposed to be? Ah…the post-2007 struggle….

The visual novel, Part Deux: AH, THE JPEGS edition

OKAY SO I SPLIT THIS APART BECAUSE IT*S IMPORTANT

If you wanna spruce up your VN-reading experience, here’s the thing: they ported the game to PS3, with brand new graphics and–get this–full voice acting. Wow! There’s even CGs now…Jeez!

These are NOT the same graphics as the new ones from the official English release! That’s important!

SO, if you wanna spruce up the graphics a bit, or you enjoy voice acting with your novels, you can do that! People took apart the PS3 games and made patches for the PC version to enjoy the new graphics and voices. And now it’s available for the Steam version as well!

[SPRITE COMPARISON: ORIGINAL PC | PS3 | STEAM]You pick your favorite!

ALSO VOICE ACTING! WOW!! Remember how I said the anime got two things right and they were the OP and the voice cast?

SAME CAST, BABEY!!!! They are all excellent and do a wonderful job! It can really add some more interest if you struggle with staying focused on “plain” reading.

Okay so NOW the links:

You’ll have to dig up torrents yourself if you want those, bc its 6am and I’m too sleepy to… uzu

QUESTION ARCS[Physical Eng release] or [Steam page] +[PS3 PATCH]

ANSWER ARCS[Physical Eng release] or [Steam page] +[PS3 PATCH]

YOUTUBE[Non-commentated, with PS3 patch] you can find more just by searching but this one looks good to me :p

RONTRA OPINIONS / SUGGESTIONS

Personally, I favor the VN for most scenes, but the manga for my light casual reading. Y’know? The VN can be pretty…um…dense, at times.

Ironically, I think EP1 itself might be the biggest hurdle for total first-timers. It’s definitely paced as a “part 1 of 8″ for the first solid portion! By which I mean, it really takes its time establishing the cast and their individual situations. Which isn’t a bad thing–especially in the overarching scope of how long the story is–but if you aren’t sure about the premise, format, or if you’ll enjoy Umineko at all, it can be sort of…challenging.

It all really depends on the individual–things like attention span, investment, and personal preferences, imo. Some people just don’t enjoy reading that much text at once! And that’s fine! Some people love it and that’s fine! Some people think the intro is too long, some people think it’s intriguing from the start. Some really like watching character building, and some prefer to see action happening. Either way is fine, so it’s really up to you!

Usually, if someone isn’t sure, I suggest they try EP1 in manga form first, just to see if the general premise entices them; it’s fully possible to jump back and do the VN if you decide you like it! It sacrifices some characterization in exchange for exploring the main premise a little faster.

Similarly, if you just can’t get into the VN–you can read the entire thing with manga too, if you favor action over the deepest character lore. It’s still a good time and a good experience!

Though, in EP1′s favor–if you ARE sure about it, and are able to dedicate your attention to the first 10-13 hours of set-up, EP1 has one of the most rewarding escalations I’ve encountered! If you are able to sit and read a fairly long-winded introduction, you are rewarded with the most buck wild Popping Off you can imagine.

So there’s nothing wrong with jumping right in there with the VN, if you enjoy reading!

However, if you do find that the VN is dragging too much for you, you can go in reverse too–and finish EP1 by manga, then decide if you want to jump back to the VN or not. I promise, the novels pick up the pace too–it’s just getting all the introductions down that can be daunting, when the initial cast size is a staggering 18 people (plus the LORE has to be established too)!!

Just for you–if you want to get into Umineko, but struggle with EP1, I’ll offer my private archive of YenPress manga rips for EP1–read the manga, official english translation, for free thanks to your dealer friend, rontra,You will have to message me about it, though–off anon or via DMs, here or at @aceyasu.

My favorite setups when I play by myself are either Original PC Graphics + Voice Acting, or Full PS3 Patch. I personally really like the original PC graphics, but I understand some people think they’re kinda…um…Rough, to say the least xD PS3 graphics are a close second for me though.

I don’t really like the steam version’s new sprites. Some people don’t mind them, so it’s up to you what you prefer, but I think they don’t really convey the feeling as well as their counterparts sometimes… :/

But hey, everyone’s got their own opinions!

I also prefer the EP8 manga to the EP8 VN. If I have control over someone’s first playthrough, I always push over to the manga for EP8! In my opinion, it’s a rare instance where the adaption is better than its original. People have different opinions on this, of course, but since this section is My Opinions Central, that’s my opinioooon!!! :D

SO BASICALLY MY OWN PERSONAL PREFERRED STRUCTURE IS

->TRY EP1 (jump over to manga if struggling; if enjoyed manga ep1 until the end, hop back into the VN at EP2 and come back to EP1 if you want to later)

EP2-EP7 VN

EP8 MANGA(EP8 VN if desired afterwards, once the dust settles)

But you’re free to do what you want, of course. ;9

And then after that there’s some spinoffs that I didn’t talk about because that’s a post for another time. (There’s a fighting game! It’s packed full of spoilers.)

AFTERWORD

All in all, Umineko is…big. its very very big. it has a huge cast (the final count comes out to like, almost 70 characters!) and a huge story. and huge feelings.

The manga and the VN are the main avenues of getting into it. It’s easier than it looks at a glance; and yet, more daunting than it seems…

If you have the time and energy to pour hours of your time into it, Umineko is a super worthwhile story that tackles genuinely difficult material with a delicate but honest hand.

It clowns up sometimes and stumbles over its own demographic–see: Weird Vaguely Unpleasant Anime-brand Sex Comedy that springs up a lot in EP1, some in EP2, and then largely disappears save for a few dumb jokes here and there–but overall is a solidly built and solidly delivered story about trauma, love, loss, and getting your family ritual-murdered by a thousand-year-old witch who may or may not be real.

And if you have any questions at all (or just wanna talk Umineko), you can send an ask or IM me here or at @aceyasu–you can ask for my Discord too if you wanna really get into it. Or DM me on twitter! I’m happy to answer any question or elaborate on anything you’re confused about. I tried to go over this post quickly, so if I was too vague on something, feel free to ask!

The same of course applies to content warnings; if there’s something specific you’re worried about, I can answer it for you, whether it’s “does [specific thing] happen/appear” or “how much of [thing] is there, i can handle a little bit”! Anything! Of course I want people to read my favorite, but I also more than that want u all to be safe.

I’m very sorry that this post is literally three thousand words long. Umineko’s been my special interest for almost ten whole years. I get chatty! But hopefully my passion shines through and gets you excited!!!

LOVE, A BIG NERD

#Anonymous #long post #the umineko post

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bi-demon-ium · 2 years ago

Text

(via @mvshortcut) #GOING INSANE OVER THIS#any iteration of 'Nicholas tries to help someone else see [thing] wasn't their fault while completely missing the irony'#or having an 'oh' moment. anyway#Sticky being brave enough to tell Nicholas the truth of what happened even though the mission is over. it won't change anything#but he needs Nicholas to see who he really is and what he;s done and hope nicholas doesn't find him lacking#also sticky having been under curtain's control being able to tell Nicholas that he knows what it's like#it feels like suffocating. it was a terrible situation but he understands why nicholas relished the chance to breathe#not that Nicholas would place his burdens on sticky. he shares his story in an attempt to help Sticky only#but sticky makes some quiet observation or comment like that and it has Nicholas's whole world tilting#he only says 'hm' and offers sticky more tea#kinda off topic but. obsessed with the idea of Sticky and Nicholas writing to each other after this convo while he's at boatwright#I know stick has some issues with letter writing but just consider. consider#them geeking out and sticky telling about his new friends and he finally feels free but not alone. he knows he has a home to return to#and Nicholas is just so so proud of him#once again sorry for rambling but ohhhhh microwaving this high power

NO NO ALSO ROTATING THIS AT MAX SPEED LIKE

1. yeah.... nicholas trying to help someone and completely missing the irony or being forced to face self-love/healing through the other,,,

2. sticky telling him even though he, too, is afraid of judgement, of condemnation, even though it won't do anything, even though he knows if he asked the others would probably keep it to themselves for him, too, regardless of a love for truth, and like. he's so brave. and needing to show him the truth and still be found not lacking... ohhhh.....

3. and yes like. i think. sticky is one of the few people who can really understand what its like to be under his thumb--although nicholas, sticky, and sq all suffered in different ways (and to some extent, also reynie and constance, and although its complicated by other matters, jackson & jillson and martina, as well) like. sticky gets how charming and yet controlling curtain is, gets how he can just. undermine you and cut you down but also bring you up and make you feel special. so like. YEAH like. he gets it, he understands it, and likewise, he can see nicholas understands him, and like. yeah god ,

4. nicholas only tells him to help, to show him he's not alone, that he isn't selfish or bad, that it was a normal choice to make and he--he was even actively manipulated into it. but like. sticky just. quietly is like. you know it wasn't your fault either. you weren't being selfish either. it was a different situation, but... it wasn't your fault. and nicholas just. smiles, small and a little tremulous, not entirely whole, and offers him more tea. because it's not his burden to bear. but like. yeah just. part of him is like. i mean. it helps

5. OHHHHHH THEM WRITING TO EACH OTHER...OHHHH...... there's no pressure to respond and sticky knows that, he doesn't feel pressured to say the right thing or risk pushing him away, and like. mr benedict always responds, always understands what he's talking about in a way sometimes even his peers don't get--sometimes he can give helpful advice, other times he genuinely doesn't know about whatever sticky's telling him and is thrilled to learn--and them geeking out over boats and science....

(im now picturing later sticky casually mentions that nice sea captain who offered him a job during that whole uh. situation. what was his name, noland?? and getting the most harried handwriting hes seen from mr benedict yet as hes like PHIL NOLAND? CAPTAIN PHIL NOLAND? bc i still think the idea that he and mr benedict are still old friends in show canon it just didnt come up is extremely funny)

6. ALKFGJDFGAAAAAAAAAAAAAA just. sticky and mr benedict friendship. mr benedict being a good mentor and understanding him and being so so proud of him......ohhhhh

i think a lot about like. post s1 sticky and mr benedict. like. reynie and constance have their own dynamic with mr benedict, kate--well, she has milligan, and even though she's also not as connected to mr benedict directly, there's something there (and even so, she has an adult). sticky... doesn't. and not only that, but. he feels... guilty.

sticky's the one who doubted him when reynie had faith. sticky's the one who said they couldn't trust him, that his brother might be the good guy. sticky's the one who--oh god

oh god. sticky's the one who "betrayed" his friends for feeling safe. secure.

he just. he doesn't know how to face him, knowing he was wrong. that the whole mission could have failed because he trusted mr benedict's brother over him.

but like. can you fucking imagine when he tells him that. when he admits, falteringly, in his own words, what happened and why. like he tells him i just felt safe. i felt secure and safe in a way i never do, like i wasn't being suffocated and held back and isolated, like i could be myself. how could i have been so selfish as to choose that over my friends? my best friends?

and mr benedict just. visibly shatters a little.

like, obviously their situations are different. sticky was being actively manipulated by a villain intentionally manipulating him and using wibbly wobbly sciencey wiciency mindfuckery tech to do it. and like, how he reacted was different, too--little nicky always had doubt, always felt guilty, while whammied sticky (OUGH. NICKY AND STICKY. I HAVE CONNECTED THE DOTS--you havent connected shit--IVE CONNECTED THEM) was more confident, challenging them and saying he liked the way he was now (partly because of the differences in their circumstances--a anxiety-away magic machine versus a quiet home with books and lack of control are different) and like, just generally, nicky's was a little more. about escape? leaving behind? while sticky's is a little more about. standing by. idk how to word this.

but like. mr benedict trying desperately to be the sort of gentle mentor figure sticky deserves, to not show how much it hurts, but like. his voice cracks when he quietly tells him the story of what really happened, all those years ago. and like. i think maybe mr benedict kind of expects condemnation--sticky is a smart, wonderful child, and he will see the truth: that nicholas did a selfish thing, and betrayed dr. curtain, and that's why curtain is the way he is.

but like. sticky may not be reynie--empathetic reynie whose strength is, in many ways, emotional intelligence--but he's still a kind soul, too. i think while he would see how this might have shaped the bitter, manipulative person he met on the island, he would also see how it shaped the kind, sad person in front of him.

#sticky washington #nicholas benedict #mbs disney

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wanna-one-imagine · 8 years ago

Text

Wanna-One Hwang Minhyun Friend to Boyfriend Scenario!

Another part of the Wanna-One Boyfriend scenarios, enjoy! (You + Minhyun)

Let’s say you and Minhyun were longtime friends, bffs

Right now in college together, Minhyun is senior to you though

A completely playful and platonic relationship no question about it

Not that Minhyun would appreciate yet anoTHER girl chasing after him, anyway

You saw while girls liked him, he was nice, attractive and clean

(yes you admitted he was the epitome of beauty it’s not a crime !)

he doesn’t have to know that though

All the ladiez were jealous that you two were so close

Even though you two were literally just friends and that’s it

You don’t even hug or hold hands do skinship or anything (but you did know everything about each other)

(fears, aspirations, every embarrassing moment, secrets)

You did exchange “love you”s with each other though, but it was a family/friend thing not the othER THING 😏

He didn’t really date much, claims to have “high standards”

Went out with pretty, elegant women that didn’t overtly fawn over him

Your close friendship, however bothered most of the people he dated, leading a large amount of his relationship attempts to go up in flames

He didn’t seem to care much though, and never blamed you for that (even though you always felt bad)

“If they can’t accept my best friend then it wouldn’t work for me anyway”

You always gave him love and life advice (that may or may not be unsolicited but who’s keeping track hohohoho)

You taught him cute moves that he could use on his girlfriend, like brushing her hair behind her ear or conversation starters

He practiced on you sometimes because he is awkward and sometimes he got little flutters from the small actions but he always just thought it was because he was pretending you were the girl he was dating LOL

Very protective of one another, wanting the best for each other

You didn’t date much, for no reason really

Anyway coLLEGE

Lots of late night studying on your part

You would hang out in each other’s dorm rooms cause why not

friendship is beautiful

Minhyun was smart and always offered to help you, either by teaching you a concept or by making you a snack or coffee

You had done the same for him when he was stressed out or preparing for exams

wow look at this beautiful symbiotic relationship, mutualism at its finest

Anyway winter break rolled around, and you decided you would stay at the college in order to continue working, while Minhyun would go visit home

You both didn’t text/chat online much, so while he was away you didn’t contact each other that much

Anyway over the break one of your friends offered to set you up on a blind date (probably bc Minhyun wasn’t always hanging out around you) and you had no reason to say no

You called Minhyun for the first time over that break, and you guys caught up a bit before you remembered to mention that you were going on a blind date

Minhyun was silent for a bit, and then curtly responded:

“Good for you.”

ummMMMMM

You felt some cold air from him, but you brushed it off and just continued the conversation normally but he said that he had to go soon after

You didn’t think too much of it

But Minhyun?

He was startled because he had suddenly got angry, for no reason (so he thought)

He briefly wondered if it was because you said you were dating now

But he told himself he didn’t care

He paced around the house, muttering hypotheses and theories of why he was having this reaction

Literally convinced himself that he had a medical issue

weirdo

When he returned from his break, somehow you two seemed... different?

You started going on more blind dates, mostly to just meet new people

You thought it wasn’t causing you and Minhyun to drift apart, especially since you weren’t as bonded with the other guys, and it was just going on dates for you

You didn’t see it as anything more than that, just getting to know people, so it was no big deal

But to Minhyun every second you were with another dude it was hell

Every time you said another guy’s name or asked Minhyun for some advice, Minhyun felt his heart sink

He found himself caring about what you wore or if you looked too pretty or if you were out late

He was deadly curious about what you were doing but simultaneously didn’t want to know

Took him literally a month before he figured himself out (and it took a lot of internet searching)

Liking you had never occurred to him really

Not because you were not attractive or charming or even because you were best friends were so long

But because he had told himself for some weird reason that his ideal type was strictly someone more... quiet and classy

Not you, who was very free and open and lively with Minhyun

But that’s why you were so special to him

Because you two were comfortable together, and that’s what mattered

And Minhyun didn’t want you to be that comfortable with someone else

Suddenly everything became very clear to him

That how much he treasured you crossed the bounds of friendship, he wanted you for himself and he wanted himself to be yours

For a couple days, he kept these feelings hidden up in himself, because he was stressing over how he should act with you and what he should do about his emotions

But that didn’t last long

You were hanging out with Minhyun, watching a tv show in your dorm room one day when you suddenly remembered that you had a meeting with someone, not even a blind date lol

(but Minhyun didn’t know that)

You got up to go to your closet, about to get ready

When you suddenly felt arms snake around you, stopping you from moving

Shocked by the sudden contact that you had never felt before, you barely managed to sputter out “Minhyun? What... what are you doing”

Without thinking at all, Minhyun responded truthfully and bluntly

“I like you. Don’t go.”

Your heart sped up abnormally fast

For some reason, this confession of Minhyun “liking” you was impacting you more than all the times he had said that he “loves” you

You were shocked, but you prioritized Minhyun more than anything; you couldn’t just leave your best friend after that confession, that was just cruel

You quickly texted the people you had to meet that you couldn’t make it to the date, and just sat down with Minhyun while he clearly told you what had been on his mind for the past month and a half

How ever since you had told him you were going to start dating, he got sad and angry

How he thought he was sick but it was just jealousy (you laughed at that one)

How he couldn’t stand seeing you with other guys, but he felt as if he couldn’t do anything because you never bothered him in his previous relationships

And this was shocking to you, it really was

He was aware that you didn’t have feelings for him (yet) but he wanted you to objectively look at him and give him a chance

All this atmosphere made you somewhat awkward, a feeling that you barely got with him

It was like that for some time, for days he treated you normally as he did before but you were always self conscious now

But over time, you took notice of all the little things that he always did for you; from making you snacks and giving you massages to always knowing what mood you were in and knowing the right thing to say, all the time

And you started to realize of every time your skin brushed his, and how you would blush in response

Or how you would be talking to him and then just stop because he literally had the face of a god, making your heart speed up

And randomly one day you jusT HAD TO walk in on him changing in his room (hits self why are you writing about this illegal!)

You saw him changing out of a shirt (thats literally it you just saw his beautiful smooth back which you had seen before) but it made your mind turn into alphabet soup and you audibly gasped and dropped whatever shit you were carrying (because thats what happens right)

Minhyun turned around and that arroGANT FUCK smirked at you and freaking got all confident

“Like what you see? It’s yours if you want it”

Your mouth dropped open and you just blinked at him, making him genuinely smile

But that didn’t last long because you ran up to him and hit his bare skin asking if he was insane

“Could you be any more shameless Minhyun??? Seriously?”

Cue embarrassed “haha”s from Minhyun

Everything was pretty much back to normal in terms of awkwardness (except for the becoming-more-frequent heart flutters and butterflies and blushes)

And one day you two were just hanging in his dorm room and fell asleep on his bed while watching something

When you woke up in the morning, you were all snuggled together, his arms around you, who were facing his chest (im dead)

You were shocked and started getting up, but you realized that you really liked the feeling, thinking I could get used to this, as you laid back down on him

I like him, don’t I. (YES Y/N YOU DO JESUS CHRIST)

You giggled to yourself as silently as possible as to not wake Minhyun but surprise he had already been awake for an hour, unable to fall back asleep

And the fact that you had decided to stay there with him in that intimate position told Minhyun everything he needed to know

He signaled he was awake, opening his eyes, meeting yours

He raised his eyebrows at you, and thanks to the telepathy of best friends you know what he meant. Is this a yes from you?

And you nodded in response. Yeah, it is.

And that was that

Your relationship stayed pretty much the same, except some added cuteness and skinship ;)

You were obviously still best friends, but now you were best friends that liked kissing sometimes yaknow the usual

You both understood one another so well, and were already comfortable with another, already knew everything about the other person

Both of you thought you were very lucky to have been in this situation, to meet and be with the other person

hehehehehehehehe adorable

A/N: Holy shit I feel like this ended up being super long, hope that’s fine with y’all lmao.

also jesus christ he’s so beautiful this is ILLEGAL !

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ericvick · 5 years ago

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Mortgage veteran Roger Strecker on persevering via the pandemic

Editor’s Be aware: This is the ninth installment in the “Industry Warriors” series, a collection of profiles on veteran real estate pros and lenders who developed substantial volumes pre-9/11 and pre-2008, weathered individuals economic downturns and rebounded even more powerful.

In more than 25 a long time in the mortgage sector, Roger Strecker has been no stranger to agility. He’s maneuvered the wave of bank consolidations and closings through his occupation.

“A the vast majority of my career, I went from just one bank to a further as they had been absorbed or consolidated,” said Strecker, now regional manager, field mortgage functions for Navy Federal Credit score Union. “I worked 15 several years with Washington Mutual, left WaMu, went to a massive unbiased (bank) and then all of a unexpected, WaMu goes less than. The unbiased I went in excess of to, CTX Economical, they went beneath. I looked for the up coming major umbrella I could come across at Wachovia. I assumed, ‘I’m good to go this is Wachovia.’ Taken over by Wells Fargo.”

Strecker’s journey also incorporated operating at MetLife, Funds A single and PNC Bank just before he ended up at Navy Federal. Now six yrs into his position at the credit history union, Strecker’s location of Washington, D.C., Maryland and Virginia usually does about $2 billion to $2.5 billion in buy first-mortgage originations on a yearly basis, he mentioned.

HousingWire spoke to Strecker about the worth of agility in navigating today’s lending market place.

This job interview has been edited for size and clarity.

HousingWire: What are you carrying out in your lending enterprise to adapt to the present-day current market problem?

Roger Strecker: Our users are the mission, so for us, no issue what the lending ecosystem is, we are looking for techniques to be obtainable for them and to achieve them. We went from having it’s possible 10% of our workforce of just about 20,000 staff in a remote ability, and right away our ISD technology group carried out a miracle and place the 90% of us out, able to get the job done with laptops, phones, displays, MiFis. So just to get that established up for us to be readily available for the members was moving mountains.

Since all of this has gone down, we have appeared at retooling our workflow, and how do we optimize our availability for our members. For instance, we have 9 million users who are global in mother nature. They all know our telephone amount, our website address, and exactly where the branch is, so we have to be obtainable for them, and we at this time are operating by way of these dynamics now.

I was at the department past 7 days. One particular of them does not have a drive-through. They are physically assembly members deal with to confront, either with a mask or without the need of, but people employees are accomplishing that assistance for the associates, no matter of their individual individual health dangers.

HW: Has there been any alter that you’ve experienced to make to any of the procedures, in conditions of lending or applications?

RS: All the things, with all of us becoming remote or remotely situated now, just from getting in contact with our members. Not just about every employee is employed to remaining a distant staff. Not every staff has the equipment to be a remote staff. Not everyone would like to be a distant employee and operates in that ecosystem definitely effectively.

So we’re concentrating on employee engagement, member engagement. Really, in all of those people capacities, our get hold of centre is focused on 24/7 availability, accountability for our customers. They’re an vital section of the operation. Our department people are possibly doing the job the drive-through or executing drive-up company, handling files in and out of car or truck home windows with gloves and masks.

From a mortgage-specific adjust, it’s seriously acquiring our workers the accessibility to the users and letting them know we are offered and we’re in this article for you.

We are targeted on assembly the customers wherever they need to have us to, whether or not they’re calling into the center, no matter whether they want to go to the department — we’re attempting to continue to be open up and readily available. Our loan officers are not in the branch any for a longer time, but if they are desired by a member who comes into the branch, it is redirected to us.

We deal with all the web-site inquiries and purposes as normal, which is instantly filtered to our loan officers. We are also working with our associates, no matter whether they are Realtors, Navy Federal title expert services on the closing side, whether it’s our servicing group, we are building absolutely sure that the funding and the servicing are all taken care of seamlessly for the users.

From an staff standpoint, we’re often quite engaged. For me and my group, we have huddles, we communicate on the telephone, we’re on IM. We have each individual other’s personal mobile telephones anyway. Then we’re just seeking to be as comprehension as achievable with our staff members from a operate circumstance. All of a sudden the educational institutions have closed. A lot of of our workers have young young children so we’re getting proactive with functioning with them on a schedule, and we’re just becoming flexible with the membership and our workforce.

HW: How are you encouraging your team to stay good for the duration of this time?

RS: That is probably paramount for where by we are in the business correct now. For me, I consider being entirely clear with your staff members is selection a single. I adore to be open and truthful about what we’re doing the job on, what the firm is working on, how we’re going to tackle the members’ desires. And often I never have all the responses, and I enable them know that.

This environment is unparalleled, and in some cases you might have to fly a little bit by the seat of your trousers on occasion. I do not intellect sharing that with them. I feel also listening to their feed-back is critical. My workforce is aware that no matter is off the desk and that any strategy that would assistance us to improved serve the users is up for thought.

For me, I feel I have to product positive conduct, which is genuinely easy for me simply because I’m a glass-is-fifty percent-complete kind of individual. I feel for individuals who which is really not how they’re built, they have to have to come across their reason why they have to have to be upbeat and constructive for their men and women, specifically in this remote setting. Dealing with workers is a person factor working with workers that are now remote is a full diverse ball of wax. It is an supplemental skillset that you have to have or get the job done on creating.

HW: How are you staying favourable?

RS: I check out myself at the doorway every morning. I’m just designed this way. I really like existence. I appreciate what we do in mortgage. Simply because the place do you have an possibility like this to make these types of a massive impact on a member’s lifestyle? It is one thing I remind my crew about as generally as attainable. For me, for my group, I bring the pleasurable and maybe a minor radical habits, because I feel laughter is the drugs that we all require. It’s a excellent worry reducer.

(I do that) usually on the phone due to the fact I assume it’s faster and easier to join with people today. They can listen to my voice. They can hear the inflection. They can listen to when I’m backpedaling, or I’m laughing or whatever it is, but I also check out and give them tiny mind teasers and just trying to keep them engaged on IM.

I’m constantly partaking them in diverse means mainly because not everybody’s insane about the mobile phone, but they could enjoy e-mail, or they might like IM. Primarily our young people today, they like to text so I’ll place some textual content in there. I’m not worried to make pleasurable of myself, just to get them to just have a instant where by they are not apprehensive about what is heading on in their individual life or the life of our members.

HW: What did you do in previous economic shocks to effectively navigate the downturns?

RS: I attempted to just continue being positive. I tried to see the upside. I’m ordinarily quite real looking and trustworthy with myself and in dealing with many others, and I held telling myself: You can only regulate what you can command, but I can however make a large effect in an individual else’s life. So whether or not I was emailing an individual, a comply with up to a conversation about a attainable buy or refi, no matter if I was speaking with a Real estate agent, I’d say, ‘Hey, I’m continue to here. Hope you are performing properly. How’s small business?’

Back again in ’07, ’08, you just never ever realized sometimes protection showed up and they just shut your place down, or they just advised you, ‘Today is around,’ and they just moved good friends of mine proper out of the constructing. It was a crazy time.

You know, now I can study from history as I appear back. How can I carry out a little something today that’s good? I tried using to execute something just about every day. I think my advice to other folks would be never be scared to retool, how and what ever you are carrying out just about every working day. Re-search at your method stream for possibilities. Never be frightened to make blunders consider and try out yet again, take a look at it, then test it once again. And you have to collaborate with some others in like scenarios.

I have constantly been extremely related to the rest of the mortgage market, primarily in the DC location. I gained my CMPS (Accredited Mortgage Setting up Specialist) along the way I recently gained my CMB (Certified Mortgage Banker). So I depend on the CMB Society and other CMBs to form of retain me in check simply because that brain have faith in and what they have been by way of is amazing. I rely on the MBA (Mortgage Bankers Affiliation) a great deal, from a learning and training standpoint.

HW: What did you do in 2007-2009’s economic downturn to realize success for the duration of that time?

RS: In ’07, ’08, just about every put I went, they were being shutting the doorways. I truly considered it was me. The rubber actually achieved the road for me in ’07 and ’08 and which is when I genuinely experienced to variety of tighten the belt buckle down, keep on being optimistic and be real looking. I just experienced to maintain concentrating on, ‘There must be a way to do company.’ I went and requested other men and women who were being, in my intellect, productive and nonetheless earning it come about: ‘How are you doing that?’ I’m not scared to go and ask for assistance both. ‘Hey, can you show me that? Hey, the place did you get that merchandise from? Wherever did that loan occur from?’ But ‘07, ‘08 was rough. It was tough on a whole lot of us.

HW: Provided your background in individuals earlier economic downturns, what do you believe LOs need to know now that they may not be considering about?

RS: You nevertheless have an option now, even in this marketplace, to make a substantial effect in an individual else’s lifetime or their family’s life. You are included in the biggest financial determination a man or woman will ever make, and they require your experience. They have to have you to be engaged. They require you to keep centered.

I know it is difficult, but our users require that. Many of our members are energetic duty armed forces, so our intention of reducing their anxiety amount with our notice to detail, that is paramount for us. When you speak to a person whose husband just went down-variety, and she’s relocating the entire family, and I can hear the anxiety in her voice, and if we can make her get by the system of relocating a person much more time, you can appear home at the end of the working day and say, ‘You know what? I helped anyone today through some thing they by no means believed we could get as a result of collectively. But mainly because we are alongside one another, we got through it.’

HW: What piece of assistance from your history in downturns would you give to other people in your industry striving to navigate COVID-19?

RS: I would say you’re not alone. We’re all in this alongside one another due to the fact COVID-19 is not a fiscal disaster of ’07, ’08. It is a health and psychological disaster, which will drive a fiscal disaster. So we’re all in this jointly from a world wide point of view.

From a member point of view, I assume you need to husband or wife with a lender that you belief. Due to the fact there are likely to be some persons who applied to be mainstays for Realtors at the regional amount who do a amazing position that, in my viewpoint, could or may possibly not make it, based mostly on leverage and warehouse traces and items like that. So you want to make certain that your trusted husband or wife is likely to be in a position to fund your obtain deal.

From an staff standpoint, I would say you need to stay linked to your workforce. Give them the sounding board to be read. I feel it is significant to validate people’s thoughts, not generally to resolve the issue, just to pay attention. Which is most likely the most important detail, is to just pay attention to your personnel and just to know that background has shown us that we will get via this. We will be superior and stronger in the finish.

From a small business continuity standpoint, this is likely to be seemed at, I think, in my view, by means of MBA, graduate and PhD classes for several years to come — what we did correct, what we did improper, what we could have done again, how would we prep for a further probable pandemic. But in the stop, I believe items are heading to be ok. Just management what you can manage, which is you, your personal point of view, how you offer with your members, and just deliver your A-game every single day.

0 notes

5hfanfiction · 8 years ago

Text

Dash Into My Heart - 2

Vero unsurprisingly finds it hilarious when you text her later saying you ended up following your dad’s not-as-stupid-as-initially-thought advice.

[Vero]: WAIT U ACTUALLY ASKED HER BY SAYING SO U COULD PROVE UR NOT PSYCHO????

[Vero]: UR FIRST DATE WITH HER AND U GOTTA PROVE UR NOT DANGRROUS

[Vero]: IM W H E E Z I N G

You don’t get the chance to correct her in saying that it’s not a date. She sends you a seventeen second voice note and it’s literally just her laughing and you make sure to leave her on read for the rest of the night.

There are multiple messages congratulating you for not being as useless of a lesbian as before (which you strongly refute because you weren't entirely useless). They turn into messages of indignation when she realizes you really aren’t going to text back. You stop checking your phone entirely when she resorts to sending you gifs of Kim Kardashian crying.

The next morning rolls around and you’re kind of… giddy? In the least, you’re unusually chipper for someone who hates the mornings and you’re glad your parents have already left for work because you’re more than sure they’d tease you to no end. You obsessively check the time, even when you know that hardly any time has passed since the last time you checked but you at least finally text Vero back.

[Lauren]: sorry I was sleep

[Vero]: since 7 pM????

[Vero]: unlikely

[Vero]: guess u were right

[Vero]: friendship cancelled

[Lauren]: help me pick out an outfit for lunch?

[Vero]: friendship MOMENTARILY resumed

You laugh because neither of you could get rid of each other even if either of you tried. She’s been your best friend since you two could walk and you’re both practically family at this point.

[Lauren]: thoughts?

[Vero]: more like THOTs

[Vero]: ur really not going for subtle huh hoe-regui?

[Vero]: I support it

[Lauren]: ok so I’m changing

[Vero]: unfortunate

[Lauren]: this one?

[Vero]: screams broody hipster

[Vero]: “u prolly nevr heard of my fave band theyre really underground. theyre called the 1975”

[Lauren]: I’m going to ignore that and take my chances with broody hipster

[Vero]: not the worst choice to have made mija

[Lauren]: gee thanks ma

[Vero]: anything to help you impress your new lady friend :)

You roll your eyes at all of Vero’s responses, putting your phone away and checking your outfit once again in the mirror. Not that you’re trying to impress her though. You just want to look… non-threatening. And Camila is like, really pretty, so you want to not look like a hobo next to her. All this fluttering you’re feeling is just insanely high attraction. Yeah, that’s it.

You still had an hour to kill so you figure taking Dash out for a walk would be a good way to pass the time. You smile at all the breaks he seems to need to take because however much energy he has, his legs are just too short to keep up with all of it. He completely tires himself out after about half an hour and finally he just lays himself down under the shade of a tree and you just glare at him with your hands on your hips.

“Really? You’re gonna crap out on me now? We’re literally two blocks from the house, you lazy bum.” There’s no harshness to your tone because Dash is your lil baby and he could do no wrong even if he tried. He’s cute enough to get away with just about anything. So after another minute of him just laying there and blinking at you, you finally scoop him up in your arms and make your way back to the house.

You don’t expect to run into Camila again because it’s a quarter to noon and you wouldn’t think she’d be home yet. Except she’s currently in her driveway, arms resting on the open window of a car with a boy in it. They’re clearly talking and you hear them both laugh as your legs carry you closer. You don’t mean to stare but it’s hard not to because Camila’s back is turned to you and she has to bend over to lean on the car and- look, you can’t really stop your eyes from seeing it so you go ahead and sneak a look.

Your eyes focus back to the boy that Camila’s talking to and you try to stop your face from looking so sour. God, what’s got you all moody? You barely know this girl, she’s not that cute.

(Later you’ll find out that she really is that cute but right now you pretend you have your shit together.)

Still carrying Dash, you’ve made it to your own driveway and try not to pay any mind to Camila and whatever douchenozzle with the mustang that she’s talking to. But of course, Dash notices and barks, squirming in your arms. You set him down and he runs towards Camila, barking lightly in his approach, the younger girl immediately turning around and her face lighting up at the sight of him.

“My sweet baby!” She coos as she kneels to pick him up and Dash is quick to lick her face. You enjoy the laugh that it elicits out of the girl who finally notices you as she situates the dog in her arms.

“Hey Lauren!” Her smile when she sees you is literally so big and you can’t help returning it in kind, giving her a small wave. You hadn’t realized you were making your way towards her until you’re standing a couple feet away from her in her driveway and up close to the car with the boy she was talking to. He’s watching the both of you from the driver’s seat with an easy smile on his face but you insist he’s probably a douche anyways.

“Hey Camila, I see my dog likes you better.” You point at the way Dash is laying in her and arms and tail wagging against her hold. She laughs and kisses the top of his head and you almost audibly ‘aw’ at the sight because holy fuck this girl is cute.

“That’s because I spoil him,” she uses a baby voice as she literally coddles your dog and you hate how you smile as you watch them. It’s fucking adorable, okay?

“Oh, my bad! Lauren, this is Shawn,” she nods her head towards the douchenozzle in the mustang and he gives me a fairly friendly smile that I do my best to return.

“Shawn, this is Lauren. The one I told you about.”

Oh? She’s been talking about you?

“The one with the bat?” Shawn chuckles and you practically shrink because of course that’s why she’s been talking about you.

“I thought you were an intruder!” You insist, smacking Camila’s arm with the back of your hand. She just laughs, sticking her tongue out at you before turning back to Shawn.

“Are we going to hang out this break?”

“Yeah my parents are saving the trip home to Canada for this summer so I’ll be around. Text me whenever you’re free?”

“For sure. Thanks again for the ride home,” Camila nods as her hand scratches behind Dash’s ears. She waves at Shawn as he starts backing out of the driveway, who yells out what you think is a friendly 'nice to meet you’ before driving off. You don’t really want to say the same because 1) you’re officially the girl with the bat and 2) there’s a very petty part of you that wants to monopolize Camila’s time if only to prevent her from spending any of it with him.

Geez what the fuck is wrong with you.

You pull yourself out of your thoughts and face Camila who’s looking at you expectantly.

“So, lunch?”

You end up taking her to this Italian place because you thought taking her to your parents restaurant was just a little tacky (but the food would’ve been free so you keep it in mind for future lunches that may happen).

“Wow, you know the way to my heart don’t you?”

“What?” You stare up at Camila with wide eyes because no- that’s not- you aren’t-

“I love pizza, so you’re doing pretty well on the whole 'making it up to me’ front,” Camila gives you an easy smile and you ignore the way it makes you feel.

“That’s good. Now I have to work on convincing you that I’m not dangerous to be around. I promise I’m mostly normal.”

“Well that’s only mostly reassuring then,” she laughs and it does wonders to help calm your nerves.

“Welcome to Enzo’s, my name is Austin and I’ll be- oh! Hey Camila,” the guy who’s approached the table smiles down at the girl sitting in front of you and you do nothing short of glaring at him. Whom the fuck-

“Hey Austin,” Camila greets with a smile of her own. “I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Yeah, I started a couple of weeks ago.”

“That’s cool, I could never handle being a server. I’d trip and drop everyone’s food, probably.” She jokes easily and you aren’t the biggest fan of the way she smiles at him. He doesn’t even spare you a glance as he starts fawning over Camila. You just keep glaring.

After some more idle chatting that you tune out because this boy’s voice sounds like a drone, Camila reaches for a menu, seemingly to prompt this Austin guy to remember that he’s at work.

“Oh right,” he seems to finally realize that you’re also sitting there. “What can I get you two to drink?”

“Just a water for me,” you say with a clipped tone.

“Water for me too.”

“No problem, I’ll be right back with that.” He smiles brightly at Camila, probably forgetting that you’re also sitting right there.

“I’m sure you will be,” you mutter under your breath.

If Camila heard you, she doesn’t say anything about it. But she does raise an eyebrow at you but you press forward.

“Another one of your suitors?” You try to come off as teasing but you’re worried your tone makes it sound more as petty.

“What do you mean another?” She looks genuinely confused this time.

“That Shawn guy from earlier?”

The look she gives you says hilariously disgusted and you’re kind of relieved.

“Oh god no, Shawn’s great but he’s also painfully in love with his boyfriend. He’s just the Gay Best Friend, y'know. I mean we’re both the gay best friend so, yeah.” She finishes off her mini rambling with a timid smile and she seems too nervous to look at you. You let out a breath of relief because you hadn’t even considered the possibility that she was straight. But apparently, not an issue.

“And Austin?”

“Oh definitely a suitor, but no interest in that. Gay best friend and all.”

As if he’s just waiting around the corner for one of you to mention him, Austin comes back with your drinks and asking for your order. You realize you haven’t looked at the menu once and turn to Camila.

“Just a personal cheese pizza for me.”

“Yeah, for me too.”

“Great, those will be out shortly,” Austin assures the two of you. You hope he’s not around much more, glaring at him the whole time he’s walking away. When you face Camila again she’s smirking at you and you both seem to let the topic of Austin go.

Camila turns out to be easy to talk to, even if she does more of the talking. It’s nice, letting her carry the conversation because now you don’t have to focus on fucking something up by saying something stupid. She asks you about school and she complains about hers. She’s hoping to hear back from UCLA and Berkeley, along with NYU, she’s even applied to Penn State which you get a little more than excited about.

You tell her you’re majoring in business administration with a minor in music production. She practically squeals because she genuinely thinks that’s so cool. You give her a fond smile because hardly anyone is ever really excited about something like your major and it’s like, really nice to witness.

When your food finally arrives, Austin fortunately has more tables to tend to and doesn’t stick around to try and flirt with Camila. You’re entirely prepared to spill your drink on him at any given point.

Just in case.

But you’re soon distracted by how much Camila manages to eat. She’s not a slob in any measure and it’s not as if she inhales her food but- wow she can really put it away. Where does it fucking go? She’s so damn tiny. It’s only a personal size pizza but it’s still a lot for one serving and geez hers is practically gone and you’re still working on yours-

“Does your family have any plans this winter break?” Camila’s voice cuts through your thoughts and you’re momentarily caught off guard.

“Oh uh, I don’t think so? Unless they’re surprising me with something. But they’re pretty busy with the restaurant and I’ll probably end up helping them some weekends.”

“So I’ll be seeing you around during break then?” The way she looks at you when she asks is a little more than curious and you can’t really tell if she’s smiling at you because she took a bite of her pizza after asking. Is she…flirting with you?

“If you want me to be around, I’ll be around,” you say simply. You hope it comes off as reasonably friendly but also potentially flirty. You think it does when she smiles at your answer.

“Only if you’re unarmed.”

“Oh my gaaaahd,” you groan while laying your head down, resting your forehead against the table. “I’m never going to live that down am I?”

You almost bring your head back up at Camila’s laugh, loud and welcoming. Only almost. Because this is still embarrassing.

“Not in the foreseeable future, no.” Camila’s stopped laughing but you can practically hear the smirk in her voice. “I might stick around solely to patronize you about it.”

“If I knew you were such a jerk I wouldn’t have bothered to apologize, y'know.”

“You would’ve just gone ahead and swung, wouldn’t you?”

At this you finally raise your head again to face Camila and she’s still smiling because she’s not quite done laughing at your situation. But her smile is nice so you think it’s fine.

“I probably would’ve swung. Conveniently excused because I thought you were an intruder. Which is true,” you reason.

“Wow, who’s the bigger jerk here?”

“You! A nice person would’ve understood it was a mistake and that I misread the situation.”

“But it was funny and no harm done so it’s safe to tease,” Camila sticks her tongue out at you before returning to her last slice of pizza.

That’s not how I want you to tease me though.

You shake your head of your thoughts because totally not the time. And definitely not the place.

“You’re an ass. You’re paying for your own food,” you stick your tongue out to her in return.

“Woah hey, I was totally kidding. All jokes are done, no more teasing, I promise!” She gives you a toothy smile that is not at all convincing.

“Unlikely, but okay. Do you have any plans for your break then?” You kind of (really) hope she doesn’t.

“Probably just get dragged to a few parties my friends want to go to.”

“Not into parties?”

Camila scrunches her nose, shaking her head. “Not really. I don’t hate them but I need to really be in the mood for one and when it’s too crowded it stresses me out because I can’t be for sure about an escape route. And also the possibility of getting trampled.”

“I- oh.” It’s all you can say because you weren’t expecting that answer. “Well that makes sense when I think about it. I like parties better when I’m high.”

“Never tried at a party. Maybe I’d like them better if I were high too,” she muses.

“That can be arranged,” you offer. She simply gasps, dramatically clutching her chest.

“First attempted assault and now illegal substance use? You may be mostly normal but you sure are a bad influence, Jauregui.”

“You just said you’d try it!”

“I am a child of god, too good for the devil’s lettuce,” Camila says calmly, straightening her posture and turning her nose up at you. She looks and sounds a little ridiculous and you kind of want to kiss her.

“Devil’s lettuce? You’re so full of it shit. You’re probably a huge sinner,” you insist.

“I’m pure!”

“Lying is a sin and you’re also gay so you’re basically a huge heathen,” you smirk as her jaw drops in disbelief.

“I didn’t realize dragging me is your way of making it up to someone,” Camila grumbles and you’re so completely endeared when she pouts that you almost apologize. Almost.

“So you agree? You’re a filthy and impure sinner?”

“Anyways, where’s the check?

You might have been a little worried about how lunch was going to go because Camila is really cute while simultaneously being really hot and you’re kind of easily distracted. But she laughs the whole time and she’s easy to talk to in the way that banter isn’t forced and jokes don’t go too far. It went really really well and you may or may not be driving just above the speed limit to make the ride home as long as possible, short of making a giant ass circle around your neighborhood.

The ride is full of her dramatically performing each song on the radio and you’re almost upset that you had to drive because you want to be able to properly see her act like a complete idiot. At some point along the way you consider how at ease Camila seems to be, belting songs out in your car as if she hasn’t just met you. And you figure that yeah, she makes you a little nervous, but she’s also really comfortable and you haven’t felt like you needed to second guess yourself at all. You don’t realise it but you smile the whole way home.

When you park (in your own driveway), you decide to talk Camila to her door because that’s polite, right? No ulterior motives.

"So, how’d I do?” you ask as you approach her front steps.

“What?”

“Making it up to you. How’d I do?”

“Well considering you called me a filthy heathen earlier, I’m gonna have to say not so great,” she gives you a playfully disapproving look. “I guess you’re just going to have to make it up to me some more.”

She’s looking at you with a lopsided grin and you bite your lip because now you definitely want to kiss her. And honestly if you don’t get your hormones in check-

“Oh geez,” you start. “I have to spend even more time with you?” You pretend to be completely burdened with the idea and you’re pretty sure she sees right through you, if the excited smile on your face is any giveaway. She lightly shoves your shoulder but she giggles too so you know it’s okay. You’re both standing in front of her house now and you’re practically waiting for her to tell you to leave because you can’t seem to say bye.

“Well, do you maybe want to come inside so you can finish making it up to me?”

And you really hate yourself sometimes because you have no business turning her words into something they’re not. The innocent look she gives you makes it clear that she doesn’t consider how… suggestive her words are and you’re left with your mouth hanging a little and staring. Because you are very much aware of how suggestive it sounds and now your mind is so far deep in the gutter imagining Camila-

“Lauren?”

You realise you must’ve been staring for some time because Camila gives you a strange look and you immediately clear your head of those thoughts.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about if I had anything to do today.” You mentally high five yourself for avoiding looking like a complete ass.

“Oh, well if you’re busy we could just hang out another time-”

“No, I’m free,” you say a little too quickly. You clear your throat and speak a little slower this time. “Y'know, so we can get this over with,” you motion with your hands like you’re waving her off. She swats at your arm and rolls her eyes as she turns to open her front door.

“Oh whatever you already love my company, I can already tell.”

“Uh huh. Okay,” you nod dubiously, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Don’t be an ass, this is just like that time you almost swung a bat at me. Do you remember that?” she sends you a cheeky smile as you two enter her house you stop right at the doorway.

“Wooooow, I suddenly remembered that I have to go vacuum my…roof.” you say without conviction, glaring as best you can at her.

Camila throws her head back in a throaty laugh, reaching for your arm when you pretend to turn to leave (because you both know you’re going nowhere).

“Nooo, I was kidding. I’m sure your roof can stand to wait another day to be vacuumed.”

“Mm I don’t know,” you pretend to contemplate. “It’s kind of been a while since anyone’s done it.” You have to mentally hold yourself together when she pouts and you’re literally seconds away from taking it back when she speaks up.

“Okay fine then. I already love your company. So stay? Just for a lil bit?”

What she’s giving you right now is a practiced puppy dog look, you can just fucking tell. She knows- she fucking knows what it does to people. If you weren’t already going to stay anyways, this would’ve been what convinced you. Not that it would’ve taken much since you’re a sucker for a cute girl and Camila is downright adorable. Who loves (!!!) your company.

“I suppose I could stay then,” you sigh dramatically as if you aren’t mentally squealing. “You know, since you like me so much.” Nudging her shoulder with yours, you give her a shit eating grin and she’s back to rolling her eyes at you.

You figure it’s okay to admit to yourself (and only yourself) that you like Camila’s company just as much.

A/N

wattpad: @taller-smol

thanks for reading babes

#UPDATE #series #AU #camren #humour #romance fluff #submission #Dash Into My Heart

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shakespearerants · 8 years ago

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Why Modern Y/A Literature Is Shit - Five Lists, A Rant, And A Conclusion

Let’s start with the lists, shall we? First, we have the typical overused y/a protagonists. There are:

1) the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. I’m talking about that “oh I’m not like other girls I hate makeup and I’m sooooo clumsy and also a nerd because I don’t like to party” girl, the one that always says she’s ugly but is described as stereotypically attractive. Usually white. Always gets the insanely attractive guy in the end. Relatable ™.

2) the mysterious bad boy that every girl wants a slice of. Usually either rich, a supernatural being, or involved in some sketchy shit. Has a Tragic Backstory™ that is unlocked by the female protagonist after little-to-none probing, maybe some bambi eyes, when the story is at the point where he would look like a real douche if his shitty behavior was left unexplained.

3) the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually white. Fights for Freedom and What Is Good, would actually be pretty ok in my books, if there weren’t…

4) the male love interest of the female Leader of the Revolution. Usually very flat character. We know exactly two thing about him: a) He’s Sexy b) He’s In Love. Sometimes there’s a small bonus and we also know that he has a Tragic Backstory™, usually involving something that is supposed to show that he and the female Leader of the Revolution are Soulmates or at least that they have History Together. And then there’s…

5) the Love Triangle. Im counting this as “one” main character because, lets be honest, most (read: all that I know) love triangles don’t have enough depth to justify analyzing all three parts separately. It goes like this: girl was Normal and had Best Male Friend who was In Love With Her since Forever, but Never Said Anything. Then Something Happens and Guy Two (the mysterious bad boy) shows up, usually quite out of the blue. He is Mysterious and Experienced and Interested In The Girl, who is suddenly Very Important for a Higher Cause. Then Best Male Friend Gets Jealous and Confesses His Feelings when confronted by the Girl. Then all there of them go on an Epic Quest together. A common variation of this is Girl meets two boys. One is Nice™ and one is Sexy™. HOW WILL SHE DECIDE???!11?? (also epic quest in the backround)

And then we have the supporting characters. Who are usually either…

1) the gay OR the racially diverse Best Friend of the Protagonist. Especially if it’s a male protagonist. BUT CAREFUL!!!!!111! He has to be a) male b) EITHER gay OR racially diverse, and c) ok with casually used homophobic/racist stereotypes

2) the Nerd Friend of the (usually male) protagonist. Wears glasses. Doesn’t know anything about sports. Easily hurt. Thankful™ for their Cool Protagonist Friend. Usually bullied. Knows stuff about: a) Star Wars b) Comics c) Lord of the Rings. If the author is really adventurous he also cosplays, usually as a LOTR character

3) the Best Girl Friend of the incompetent-but-pretty female protagonist. Usually very flat character. Comes out of nowhere to Give Advice and disappears back into the void.

But the most annoying thing is that literally almost every y/a novel or series that you pick up in literally any bookstore/library can be assigned one of these general storylines:

1) the Your Are Different storyline. Girl is Normal™. Maybe has a Tragic Backstory™, but nothing too bad. Then Something Happens and she learns that she is Not Normal, by which I mean that she either has some sort of supernatural powers or that she is The Long Lost Princess or at very least The Chosen One. Then some love triangle comes to spiel, she has to Leave Her Old Life Behind and Save The World. Book ends with some sort of sappy love confession or her deciding which part of the love triangle she chooses. Sometimes seen with a male protagonist, but without the love triangle.

2) the Love Triangle storyline. Well. I think it’s self-explanatory.

3) the Supernatural Shit Going On storyline. Someone (usually a guy) is the Chosen One. Chosen One has to fight in order to save some recently discovered world/their own world. Meets some friends who are usually two or more dudes and one super badass girl who is only there because Equality™ and is either the one who gets Possessed By The Evil or is the only one who has to be saved at one point in the story. If we have a female protagonist then she and the girl Hate Each Other For Literally No Reason until the protagonist Saves The Girl in some very dramatic way and they realize that the other is Actually Not That Bad. Female protagonist usually teaches girl about Feelings and maybe sets her up with That One Guy In The Group that she’s had a crush on for Literal Years but never made a move because Feelings Are For Babys or she was Scared And Didn’t Know What To Say To Him.

4) the This Book Isn’t Like Other Books storyline. Some shit that doesn’t have anything to do with interpersonal relationships or at the most bullying is going on. Usually features a Controversial Protagonist™ (read: the one who started the deeply illegal or at least sketchy shit that’s going on and is also the muggle version of Voldemort, character wise). The (usually male) protagonist, who is also a social outcast, now has to work to Stop The Sketchy Shit that he started, but he Can’t Do It Alone. A group of three people (two boys, one pretty girl), who are also a part of the Popular Group At School, are somehow pulled into the shit and help the Controversial Protagonist™ Fix His Mistakes and Become A Better Person. Sometimes they become friends in the end.

AND, because I can, have some shitty shitty plot devices.

1) the Love Triangle. It’s shitty and unnecessary in every way because it always features at least 3 of these things: bad writing. Heteronormativity. Exclusively white people. Disregard of the feelings of the female lead by at least one of the guys. Use of past traumatic experiences of one of the male leads to justify predatory and/or dangerous/possessive behavior. Related to that: use of mental illness/trauma solely to gain sympathy of the audience. Characters’ (specially the guys’) lives and decisions revolve around romantic/sexual relationships. Related to that: romanticization of unhealthy relationships. Enforcement of gender stereotypes. Objectification of the characters (especially the male characters).

2) Miscommunication. I don’t even have to say anything, do I.

3) The One Friend In The Group That Betrays Them All And The Subsequent Fallout. WHY. WHY do authors feel the need to have one person in a close-knit group of friends betray everyone. I mean, it would even be THAT bad if most authors didn’t use it as a cheep method to create suspense for the final showdown, or kill off a character, or to distract from the fact that most villains in modern y/a literature are really flat characters with no real motives for their plans for world takeover or whatever it is they’re trying to accomplish by giving them a radicalized follower.

4) the Love Confession When The Guy Either Thinks She’s Chosen Someone Else Or Is Being Separated From The Girl. Like. NO. Just no. Thats like THE cheapest way to create emotional conflict. Or to subtly manipulate your readers. Because that is essentially what the author is doing: guilt-tripping you into supporting a relationship, because unless that guy was a real douchbag, and if he WAS, 99% of the people who read that stuff will be like “OH MY POOR BBY JUST GOT HIS HEART BROKEN” and BAM, no one’s gonna argue that his feelings aren’t genuine, or say that he doesn’t deserve her, bc bitch did you read this he confessed to her when he thought he was never gonna see her again

5) the Love Confession From Her Jealous Best Friend. Again, a cheep way to create emotional tension and gain sympathy from the reader.

6) the Vaguely Sexual Encounter. Usually something comparatively innocent, like a heated kiss or make-out session, usually used to intensify emotional dilemma, either because of a love triangle (I really can’t stand love triangles) or because she shouldn’t be kissing the guy or something. And the thing is, it wouldn’t even be a bad thing if it weren’t completely misplaced (like, a day away from the final battle misplaced) in most cases, or worse: slutshaming. Or, worse still: the cringey sex discussion that ends in either slutshaming or kinda just fizzles out.

7) the We’re Gonna Die But It’s Okay Because I Love You talk, usually delivered by the male lead to the female lead before all goes to shit. And honestly I have never read a book where this shit happened where they knew each other for more than four weeks. And lemme tell you there is nothing more unrealistic than a teenage dude giving a two-page talk about why he loves a girl that he’s known for a maximum of four weeks. I once read a book where this happened and they knew each other for three days and made out once and he literally gave that speech twice (no, I’m not taking about Romeo and Juliet). Like, do you authors understand the people you are writing books for? Do you have any idea how teenage relationships work?

8) Bulling That’s Used As A Plot Device But Ultimately Stays Unresolved or, even worse, The People Who Bully Me Are (A Part Of) The Group I Have to Join To Save The World And Suddenly We’re Best Friends. THIS. THIS is almost worse than the fucking love triangle shit. Because lemme tell you something: If bullying isn’t stopped, if the bullies don’t face consequences for their actions, then guess what? IT’S NOT GONNA FUCKING STOP, THATS WHAT. It’ll continue on and on and on until someone won’t take that shit anymore. Yeah, sure, it might seem like it stopped, especially if you’re seeing everything from the view of a character who was suddenly not bullied anymore, but let me tell you: that is an illusion. They just shift to the next victim. And it’s so so toxic to write it like everything is suddenly ok, oh my gosh. Because it’s not, it doesn’t stop, it just shifts to somewhere else, and thousands of bullied kids that read these books are gonna think that it does. And they’re gonna go and look at their bullies and start feeling sympathy for them because they read a hundred and one books where the bullies are actually good guys, so their bullies can’t be that bad, can they? And voila, thats the first step to excusing toxic behavior. The first step to make sure that these kids never speak up against oppressors.

Some things that I am really sick of in general but even more when seen in y/a literature:

1) bad and/or lazy writing, especially when it comes to character development

2) casual sexism

3) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of LGBTQIA characters

4) underrepresentation and/or stereotypization of non-white characters

5) lack of female supporting characters

6) little to no character development seen in male characters, especially love interests/supporting characters

7) reinforcement of stereotypically masculine/feminine character traits

8) little to no explanation offered concerning culture and other specifics of fantasy worlds (also known as WHY WRITE FANTASY IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA INCLUDE SOME ACTUAL FANTASY)

9) romanticization of toxic relationships

10) hypersexualization of teenagers, because no matter how good looking he is, you shouldn’t describe a sixteen year old boy the same way you would a twenty five year old porn star

And the thing is that this isn’t some kind of one time thing. I didn’t just finish a series that i really disliked or read a few bad books in a row. This rant is the product of literal year-long frustration because I literally cannot find anything in the y/a section of bookstores and libraries and publishing companies websites that doesn’t feature at least one of the above mentioned main characters, one of the above mentioned supporting characters, and some variation of the above mentioned storylines. And I am honestly so sick of it, and so are many many more young adults, because in the beginning you just read that shit, you know. And then it comes to the point where you get so sick of seeing the same stories repeated over and over and the same characters used over and over that you start really searching for books that are different. But these books are so rare, and so hard to find! And after some time you start feeling like you’re being bullshitted by authors and publishing companies. Because most of y/a literature is not only cliche and stereotypical and just plain boring after some time, its also often very badly written. And I’m not just talking language here, though that is a part of it. I’m talking major plot holes, complete lack of character development, period novels or novels that feature time travel being so cringe-worthily historically inaccurate that you actually start wonder if the author did it on purpose, a suspense arc that would, drawn, look like a squiggly line or, even worse but sadly even more common, just a downward sloping curve that maybe, if you’re really lucky, curves slightly upwards again in the last five chapters. There are so many y/a novels out there that I seriously can’t imagine ever having been edited or beta read. And lately it seem like most publishing companies out there just don’t care what they publish any more, you know? Its just one love triangle after the other. And honestly society is moving forward at an increasingly fast pace, the current generation of teenagers and young adults is becoming more tolerant and open minded by the second, and the literature that is written for us, marketed towards us is still dominated by heteronormativity, all-white characters, a lack of male protagonists in the romance and of female protagonists in the action/adventure genre, and sexism. Like, okay, if you think a love triangle is necessary for your story, why not write in a bit of representation for the LGBTQIA community and make it a polyamory in the end instead of having your heroine decide between two hot guys? Or just feature a bi protagonist instead of the cliche straight girl? If you wanna write that stereotypical high school romance why not feature a protagonist who is not white for a change? Also there is a huge difference between books written for boys and books written for girls that is honestly, in my opinion, incomprehensible. Especially if you factor that most boys between the ages of 12 and 20 just don’t read novels because they think reading in general is stupid or they can’t relate to the characters that are portrayed. And this is honestly so concerning because most boys are behind their female classmates when it comes to reading and language skills, which scientists say is a result of boys reading less for enjoyment in their free time, especially less fiction. (sources: (x) (x) (x)) And honestly I can see where thats coming from, there is a) very little literature written for boys, and lets be real, how many boys do you know that would voluntarily read something thats explicitly being marketed for girls and b) the literature actually written for boys is tremendously boring and even more stereotypical and redundant than literature written for girls, plus, you sometimes get the very paradox impression that sex is a kind of tabu theme in boys literature. Like in girls literature its ridiculed and treated in some sort of prepubescent giggly way even though most of literature written for girls revolves around sexual and romantic relationships, but it is addressed, even if its done in an immature way. But boys literature is all about action and danger and bros before hoes. Most books written for a male audience don’t even feature a love interest. And again, this is paradox and kind of weird or even ridiculous because boys are expected to be sexually active from a very young age and the teenage years are the years of (sexual) self-discovery, so in almost all media boys are portrayed as very experienced and sure in their sexuality, except for literature aimed towards them, where they are treated the same way little children are treated: you just don’t talk about sex. How can you expect boys to be sure of themselves when you just leave them in the dark about what they are supposed to be sure about? And don’t even get me started on hyper masculinity portrayed in almost every male character I’ve ever seen in a book (honestly, I won’t start on it because I think that a) my point is clear and b) no one would actually have the patience to read this till the end if I did).

So what’s my conclusion? Well, mainly that y/a literature is currently a lot of shit, and it needs to change to fit the needs and interests of the group that it’s trying to reach. The current development in literature aimed towards young women that features a growing hyper-sexualization of teenage boys and a shift to almost exclusively straight romance literature combined with a gradual decrease of writing quality is very concerning, as is the lack of development in literature aimed towards young men, which seems to be stuck in three genres: mystery/thriller, sports, and action/adventure.

#literature #books #y/a #rant #epic rant #im mad #booknerd problems #lists #everything wrong with #y/a literature

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