#i just cant help myself from spoilering every little thing i do

[aquared]

cant draw these stupid fucking horns for the life of me

[starvingnarcissistmusic]

Happy one year anniversary to In Stars And Time! tldr; i wrote a song about it. if you wanna skip all the gushing and just listen to it, click here. (spoilers for act 5) If not, behold this big rambly mess of a thing i wrote:

So funny story, I kind of wasn’t planning on releasing anything for the rest of the year. The album wore me out, and the only other idea I had sort of fell through, so I was content on just letting the album be the only thing of note I would make in 2024.

… and then, in September, I played a little RPG called In Stars And Time. beat the whole thing over the course of three days, then spent the next couple weeks ravenously consuming all the fan content I could get my hands on. my friends have been forced to stare at my siffrin pfp every day for two months straight at this point and frankly i think they are tired of me talking about it.

i love the art, i love the story, i love the music, i love the characters, i love the world. siffrin sort of immediately became one of my favorite protagonists like,, ever. and it definitely did not help that i am also a scrawny forgetful person who has to regularly fight off the part of my brain that convinces myself that All My Friends Secretly Hate Me.

I’ve never really been so called out by a character before. The spiraling, the deflection, and the agony of being a stranger to yourself. the yearning for something you cant even name, because how could you? you cant even find the words on your tongue. not being able to tell anyone how you feel because its just easier to live with it, easier to let it eat you from the inside out then to bother anybody else. its easier to keep the mask on, stick to your lines, let the show go on.

all that hit just a bit too close to home. so i did what I usually do When Things Hit and wrote about it.

(like i said, spoilers for Act 5; It’s pretty devoid of context but they’re spoilers nonetheless)

MAL DU PAYS (Monophobia) is a song about cyclical burnout, self-estrangement, and homesickness. It’s half about Siffrin, half about me, but mostly it’s a rumination on loneliness and the hell that is the self.

Out now wherever you listen to music.

“How can you be homesick if nowhere is home?"

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 164 spoilers and thoughts that are totally not late what are you talking about this is on time for sure <- writing the day that 165 drops

.

.

.

JAVIER WAS THE ACTUAL MVP OF THIS WHOLE EPISODE HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA HAHAHAHAH GOD I LOVE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH

THAT SIGNATURE SLIGHT SMIRK, THE MENACE IN HIS EYES. YES!!! SAVE UR MAN FROM GRIEF!!! GO KNIGHT BOY GO!!!!!!!

oh how he's grown, oh how he's learned from lloyd,,, truly using all the skills hes seen and putting them to the test. ITS SO FUNNY HOW EFFECTIVE THIS IS HAHAHAHAA THE EXPRESSIONS ARE SO SO GOOD THEYRE SO UNHINGED I LOVE THIS SO MUCH

back to the top!

lloyd trying to bargain and figure out loopholes only to realize there really is no other way besides losing it all over again makes my heart ACHE. OOOWWW. OWWWWWWWW.

just. watching that shutdown happen is so so so cruel why would u do this to me. the way the artist shows the energy and life just leaving his eyes and then subsequently showing how. tired he is. makes me so so emotional

it fucking HURTS. and by god ive been there before - certainly not to this extent ofc, but ive also been in tough spots where all the work ive done for my engineering projects ends up being,,, pointless. it is VERY real, how demoralizing that feels and lloyds reaction to that, and i cant imagine the scale of how that despair increases when its related to the work you did to simply just live in peace. god. ow. ow ow ow ueueueuuee

like he just essentially got told that it didnt matter how hard he fought to live, to survive, it doesn't matter that he's "lloyd" now; kim suho is destined for an ill-fate. and considering we know him as someone who lives almost entirely for others? it's basically "hey, all this stuff u did for other people to make urself not a burden, became a burden. tough luck!" GOD THATS SO. GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHH

and he's trying so hard to think of himself as lloyd frontera still but like. whats the point? his association with lloyd frontera became the thing that doomed him

this panel in particular is INSANEE AAGHGHGHHGGG the colors washed out, how limp he looks, the blankness of the background like nothings there. this is where lloyd is right now, hope ripped from him, this reflects that really well. it HURTS.

is dissociated the right word for this? in despair? either way he's emotionally and mentally going THROUGH it, and essentially back to isolation considering how he ignores javier

i also wonder now if lloyd has already made a choice, to let javier live? we dont get to see more of his thoughts beyond this point, so its hard to say whether or not he's already made the decision of which protagonist lives,,, god im so worried for him. a part of me suspects that maybe he already chose javier to live,,, IM SO SCARED,,,,

speaking of javier,,, we see him talking to arcos and marbella!! and AGGGHHH AAAHHH MY HEART i really really think that javier was being completely genuine here. i think he really believes this. javier in general has a tendency to be incredibly genuine in the things he says (examples i cant think of off the top of my head but this episode has a lot of em LOL). he's asserted multiple times that he believes lloyd can save their estate, and its clear he means it every time. the faith javier has in lloyd is so so strong and it makes me so fucking EMOTIONALLL im getting ahead of myself a little bit sorry

but then the stare that arcos gives to javier,,, i think silent was the one who mentioned it but its as if arcos isnt sure if he should believe him, and if u take into account the last time they asked about lloyd's status,,, it's very much possible that he doesnt believe javier, but javier has so much faith in lloyd that he leaves them alone anyway. god,,, gghh,,, mmy heart,,,,

AND JAVIER ASKING LLOYD TO WAIT FOR HIM AND THAT HE'LL HELP LLOYD GET BACK TO HIS FEET GOD GHGHGH HE LOVES HIM SO FUCKING MUCH GOD FUCK GOD DAMMIT YOU!!! YOU!!!!

lloyd doesnt even respond but javier doesnt need to wait for a response bc he'll do whatever it takes now to protect this noble he's come to care for and love and gone on so many adventures with GOD DAMMIT GOD DAMMIT FUCK

and now we reach the second half of the episode and it made me giggle SO FUCKING HARD HAHAHAHAHAHAA

LIKE I SAW THIS PANEL AND MY JAW DROPPED PLEASE JAVIER ALDKJFLSKJDF

ppl were posting that apparently someone in ORV does this too and like thats so fucking funny . if i had a nickel for every time there was identity fraud in a manhwa id have two nickels

POOR RAPHAEL GETTING CAUGHT IN THE FIRE TOO HAHAHAHA HE LOOKS SO NERVOUS

some more panels of javier harnessing all that unhinged lloyd energy IT'S SO SO GOOD. it feels like javier's now a really really strong prosecutor i think he'd do a good job as a lawyer. THIS IS SO SO FUN

LIKE HE LOOKS SO MENACING GOD ITS SO FUNNY AHHAHAHAHA while making entirely good points he's so golden i love u sm javier. yes save ur man. outargue the FUCK out of these angels u clever little knight.

THE BITS WHERE ITS REVEALED HE'S TRULY GENUINE TOO ARE SOOOO FUCKING GOOD

ITS FUNNY ON TOP OF BEING SO REAL OF JAVIER

i talked about it above but like. when javier really truly believes something, when he really truly wants something, it's so fucking obvious. this boy does not lie or pretend about how he feels, point blank period. hell we've seen his behavior when he lies/is not telling the truth; his words are stiff and out of character, and his expression is either menacingly tight or stiffly robotic. he has so, so SO much faith and such a deep desire to save lloyd, and it shows in how he's genuinely fucking thankful that the angels agreed to (or well, were coaxed into agreeing) with what he asked for. i think it's a really interesting character trait and it completely tracks that javier was the protagonist of knight of blood and iron. genuine, emotional characters who love and lose, who have hope and can believe and can also experience despair, can make for an extremely compelling story. javier nails it right on the head

i also think that this character trait completely influenced the way javier used the tactics that lloyd uses. like yes, this is something that lloyd could do, but he also would never be able to pull it off because he doesnt have that same protagonist heart and honest-to-god (pun intended) genuineness that javier has. this inherent authenticity that javier seems to just naturally possess is what allowed him to make these statements and demands, because the sincerity he wears on his sleeve makes it all end up feeling reasonable. only javier could have done something like this, and no one else. i think thats REALLY fun!!!

that is all for this ep for now,,, i am SUPER excited to see where this'll go. hopefully we will hear from alicia abt the eye of summer!!! god javier u clever lil thing im so glad he was able to do this SAVE UR BOYF!!! AAAAHHHH

see y'all next week! aka tmrw! today? whenever 165 drops!

[sock-devdiary]

how do you outline and plan the story of a game? ik you cant show the outline of the game due to spoilers but could you share a little of what the process is to help other people trying to write their own games?

Thank you for the question! This is a great question omg ok so

Now I'm definitely very new to this and I don't know if this is like... the PROFESSIONAL way to do it, but this is how I did it

Before writing anything, I had a basic idea of what I wanted to do with the games story. The first thing that I did before even starting an outline was writing a basic summary of the plot, explaining it to myself simply to get the basic idea across from beginning to end. The summary wasn't TOO detailed, I obviously didn't have every story point figured out by then.

When I finished writing the summary, THEN I moved onto creating the plot outline. I knew how I wanted this to start, I knew how I wanted this to end, but I needed to figure out the specifics of that start and end- It's like I'm making a sandwich. I know it needs to have bread holding it together; the start and the end. But what KIND of bread? And then I had to figure out what was going to go INSIDE that sandwich.

Your sandwich needs something in the middle, the juicy bits, the meat of the sandwich, the filling, the reason you're here for this sandwich in the first place. This is the EXPERIENCE of the sandwich. When you know your start and end, you just need to outline your start and then move onto figuring out what fills out the rest of the story!

This is often the hardest part but I managed to have pretty good success with outlining Red Leaves' story. I still go back to edit and rearrange things from time to time but it's set up just right for the most part.

There are definitely more organized ways to outline but for myself I went with simple brief notes. I write my outline in little chunks for what happens in each scenario where Red time-loops until it reaches the end point. This is a bit subject specific considering this is easier to do with a story that's about time loops and is able to be segmented like this in your notes but LOL

I just write out basic notes of what's supposed to happen during each cycle, finish the end section of the game, and move on to actually properly writing things out! Woohoo!!

That was basically my whole process with planning the story. I hope this helps!! :D

[lavandaea]

*inhales deeply*

There's spoilers ahead so, yeah, be careful.

This weekend episodes have actually broken my soul.

He didn't even need his feelings to be reciprocate, HE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH HER.

Dear writers, some things to ask, why so much screen time to second male lead? Why create such chemistry? Such backstory? (Spoiler alert: that will make us sympathize with the supposed villain) To just fuck*ing rip his heart out and pulverize it like Grandma with the cow bones, yes, just like that.

Let me get this straight, after having been raised in an environment of violence, pain and God knows what else for God knows how long, he falls in love. He experiences ✨feelings✨ ,he puts all his trust in her like never before, he shares his past and then he gets betrayed.

I swear I never seen someone cry so with so much meaning, feeling, with so much back there.

We made progress for the last (at least) five episodes TO JUST END IT IN A SINGLE ONE.

This could have been handled a lot better in a lot of ways and about a lot of topics that I could actually write an essay.

Let's begin the the main leads.

So, in order to have some sort of feeling about ML and FL loving eachother you need to put screen time ON them. Yeah, they support eachother, they have known far before Si Oh, they are funny and a lot of things more. They even kissed and very passionately, wow.

Just one thing, Why didn't I even blink during that scene but found myself hitting the pillow and blushing when Si Oh did such mundane things as taking her home, opening doors for her, fixing her purse, hair, looking at her with those "I love you" eyes,👏feeling👏guilty👏about👏making👏her👏uncomfortable👏 with👏his👏feelings👏for👏her HELLO??, WAVING HER BACK WHILE HE WATCHED HER GO, SMILE EVERY DAMN TIME HE SAW HER?

I´ll tell you why. Because I know, thanks to you, that Si Oh was experiencing for the very first time what it's like to have human interaction that doesn't involve violence or having to be wary of everything and everyone all the time.

Even after having lived a life of shit, even after still living a life of absolute shit he still wanted to be connect, to be happy, to make her happy, to love and be loved. Moreover, I couldn't help just to feel happy for him, sad, angry, fucking rageous (not more than him, obviously).

Meanwhile, I barely know Hee Sik aka the male lead.

I remember seeing his mother once and I think that's what I understood about his private life. Sorry, I forgot about his deceased brother, that could have been a good topic to develop if it wasn't just mentioned once somewhere in the sixth chapter and left there to rot. Other than that, I know he is a cop, loves his cops friends and loves Nam Soon, also he is really loyal and good person.

Nice👍, very nice. But that's not personality or backstory, that's a job and some general traits everyone should have to live in a society and have a job where you usually do the teamwork thingy.

So, what else??

Or does the man just exist for his job and girlfriend?

It is just I simply don't understand it, you create a seriously complex character that has all kinds of potential and you want us to root for...Yeah, no. He literally could be an extra with how little and simple information we receive about him.

Even Shi Oh had some time to box being a drug dealer and full time whipped for her.

I'm just saying that you want me to suddenly dislike someone you took a considerable amount of time explaining but I have to like this good guy because you just pointed at him 👉🧍, and said, "here's the good guy, please love him"

Sorry, I cant do that.

If you haven't noticed, you just made a character I fell obliged to sympathize.

If you wanted to make him evil and hot you should have just made him evil and hot.

It worked just as well with Jang Han Seok from Vincenzo.

Not have him have "REDEMPTION" written all over him just to go with "Actually, no. He has no chance. 😃". It is for lack of a better term, frustrating. (Pointless)

Instead, maybe you should have dedicated that screen time for the construction of the main leads relationship.

Oh, yes. Another thing since we are talking about the matter.

ML and FL relationship progress got weaker and weaker since she had started to spy on Si Oh. And then one episode it was like "Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you, they are actually dating by now" Bom, a kiss. If I need a kiss to know they are in love, there's something going on back there. If a great amount of people are rooting for a couple that is not the main one, something is going on there.

Something lacking.

Scenes of them in love: well acted, nice, cute, cool, okay. But it is like picking a random romance book and start reading it ten chapters ahead, they are in love, but how did this happen??? Last time I check, they were in a friends-catching-fealings-zone.

Where's their development?

I know where is it. In the fake relationship, that it was being used just to turn Si Oh into a complete monster with probably not chance of going back.

"You have suffered a lot, yeah, I see. Anyway here's more pain. Suffer more and go cause some trouble because if not, there's, apparently, no plot"

Nice job.

I have been saying this and I will say it again, kdrama writers/directors are not ready for traumatized villains. They are afraid of them.

[emerxshiu]

tw: slight body horror, not much but it still is kinda there (also forgotten land spoilers)

Gemini Reunion

rlly long ramble next cuz i love talking why i did this and that and every detail unfortunately---

WAAAAAAAAHH this is definitly going into my top 3 favourite drawings i made, i didnt think it would end up like this!

i originally had a very simple idea, and well, i can never help myself with overdoing it can i? bad thing is i finished it around 5 am aka i barely slept, but i dont mind it at all, i just have been stupidly motivated to draw like i cant just put my tablet or pencil down for too long. fun fact: this was inspired by a fanart for something unrelated, but it reminded me of fecto and elfilin, and it ended up looking nothing like the inspiration lol

also if you've seen my other posts, yeah, that orb up there is indeed reused from another of my drawings, albeit edited to fit more here, the wings were just sketched as a silly thing, i wasnt planning to keep em but i really liked them. and those dots and lines at the very bottom are morse code indeed.

the two like, things that are between orb and fecto forgo are inspired by the weird like tentacles it uses to absorb the beastpack and elfilin, and also from antares, elfili's spear/cadaceus.

i really need to learn how to actually draw feet, ok i know that the only there is elfilin's with the sock but i actually drew the other one before i decided to make it melt into forgo, talking about melting, i only was going to do around the face, more specifically that chunk you see between its right arm and elfilin's hair was the only one i was really going to have, but then, i made it so the other side of forgo's face is also merging a bit with the hair, and then have one of the fingers of the other hand melt into the neck, and then the end of the tail and then parts of elfilin's legs.

elfilin is doing sign lenguage, it means help, poor guy.

also i really like changing elfilin's hair a bit to show how he feels, like, for example, i sketched him full so the little ahoge he has was also there, but like more stiff to show his fear, but had to erase it due to forgo, i also like doing this with the braid he has, if its like how i tend to draw it, then he a-ok! but here its very much almost undone to show his discomfort, and if its literally not even resembling a braid anymore, just like fully loose, either he was sleeping and the braid was anoying (i cant undestand people who sleep with their hair tied up, its way too uncomfortable), or he's like, really really like not there, like, um bad. i also made his tail a bit sharper and messy than usual.

that light orang-y thing sprouting from elfilin's forehead is based on the horns that fecto elfilis has, fecto forgo also has one here on the opposite side, but that one is more inpired from the horn coming out of leongar's head in the fecto forgo bossfight (yknow the chimera with like amalgamation and stuff)

also, forgo's tail is usually like, folded just like game but sometimes i like to like, extend it? (dunno how to explain) to have more expression and also for it to take more space cuz if its was like normal, it would only really have the upper part and a bit more visible since most of it is behind elfilin. also its not very visible but elfilin has the veins forgo has two in his chipped ear.

i was also going to use the blue eye scheme from when it fist opens its eyes for forgo but decided to go with the ones it has in isolated isles when morpho appears, mostly because they resemble the eyes of the beast pack when it absorbs them, and this drawing is very much inspired by those two cutscenes (Sudden metamorphosis and Gemini reunion ^▾^) i honestly dont know wich one to use for all forgo drawings ill make next, since in that cutscene it looks blue, but its body also looks blue, but its actually pink as indicated by the figurine and cutscenes in isolated isles and the chimera form, and also if you go out of bounds, lab discovera just has an effect that makes it all more blueish, so i dont know if the yes were actually like that or just the effect. i might alternate between them since i still like the blue option, it matches with elfilin.

also talking about forgo, i think it came out particularly very cute here, wich might add to the somethings off feeling, i mean it depends on who you ask.

the part at the bottom with like green and blue is based on the eternal capsule, it doesnt have bubbles in game, but it was to make it more obvious, and also because it looked nice to me.

you can probably decipher what it says at the sides without having to say it, i think its very much engraved into every kirby fan at this point, or at least, fecto elfilis/forgo/elfilin fans

i also made a version with the text in red cuz i couldnt decide, but now i like more the whiter version

i even made a version in yellow, but i stopped liking that one before i even saved it.

also elfilin still has the id-f87 in his neck, its just hard to see, forgo too has the 86 but you cant really see its neck, because i didnt draw it lol

fun fact 2:

i saved it up to 7 times in different files cuz i DID NOT WANT MY PC TO GO KABOOM. im still a bit scared to have lots of layers in a big canvas since the anniversary drawing for forgotten land, it did not explode but it went extremely slow, here at least the canvas was much much smaller, and the reason was mostly in case i need to delete something to not have as many layers or in case i wanna go back, i like to have backups of my drawings, aka a version with all layers that i can edit (.mdp, the file for firealpaca, for example for sai 2 it was .sai2, ah im remembering my sai days now) and a png file to post and also if i wanna look at my drawings.

if you are wondering why its called devilstrain [number] its because i was listening to that song while drawing and didnt know what to name it, in fact im actually listening to it rn as i write this, i really like it

i have some drawings started, mostly a chaos elfilis one, i think i already mentioned in a past post, i think im gonna stop that list i mentioned too since im feeling really motivated, maybe next time i feel bad about my drawings i can continue it, ah my eyes are hurting since yesterday wah

thank you if you decided to read my very unnecessary and annoying long ramblings, and also thanks if you didnt and just looked at the drawings, its undertandable (mucho texto i know)

Jambuhbye!

[jazzzzzzhands]

Ok FOR REAL Theory Time!!! Gonna be massive spoilers plus mention of bugs/fungus! So I'm calling this the Mold Theory And what is the Mold? It's the black stuff under Home! (Mold under a house is very suiting, right?) The Mold has contaminated Every single thing that the Restoration team has found! The team talks about the envelopes, the antiques, and the artwork found for Welcome Home and how it is alwasys Wet and covered in Grime. The stuff that is "Growing" all over the found items... Staff must wear gloves or they will get covered in it

You can see it all over the gloves, the Walls, and even the Website Itself! It's also been shown on the restored art prior to the update. But one unfortunate person seems to have touched it. and that is.. The Question Answerer! (The head person of the Restoration team is also most likely infected) Now what this Mold does is, It seems to have an effect of the person's mental state. Causing them to see and hear things, as well as having lucid nightmares and an overwhelming urge to draw spirals. From the very moment of contact, it seems to have effect "When I Unwrapped the first letter, I felt it. I heard it. Open Open Open. I want it out, I'm Going to get it Out" Instant Hallucinations and Obsession! Now I'm going to be Comparing this Mold to a Real fungus called Cordyceps, or the Zombie-Ant Fungus. It is a fungus that can control BUGS (familar themes right?) and take over their minds, forcing them to act unnaturally and wander far in order to spread itself! ~Similarily~ this Mold can take control of the Host's mind as well. The "Spores" that it is trying to spread are the drawings of the spirals/eyes. And the more eyes are Drawn, the more Wally can SEE. Wally has made it truly apparent that he can see us through any rendition of his eyes. "I've seen you every time you've looked into my eyes" "I have more eyes than I did before, you know how to draw eyes You draw mine, many times. I know it is thanks to you, Neighbor.. That I can see.. but it is still.. I can't see" He is giving us instructions.. "You have work to do" -Giving us instrustions on how to draw an eye... "Please Open, Let me In" Now I find this last instruction very funny He doesn't say "Let me Out" No... He says "Let me IN" Into What? What are we Opening? Our doors?Our EYES? our Mind? our Heart?? I think that could be exactly it!!! Letting him.... into You!!! (The collective You) Isn't that Funny? A Funny little thought?! The Puppet becoming the Puppeteer! ooh hee hee hoo hoo I think I'm very clever about that! But there are so many themes of Strings/Control/Scripts That I simply couldn't help myself! Now does that mean I think Wally is Evil? Absolutely NOT I LOVE Wally, and hey, what's a bit of mind control between Neighbors? <333 I'll borrow a cup of sugar and you can borrow my sanity! That's what Neighbors are for! <3 Jokes aside, No I Do NOT think Wally is Evil!! No, he might become a Puppeteer over the Real world... (and It might be for good reason, to save his friends and himself) but he is still very much a Puppet himself. Literally and Figuratively, And the Real Mastermind behind the strings is... Home!

Afterall? Isn't that where the Mold is coming from? From Down Below? Below Home?

This image gives me BIG TIME Obediance vibes Reporting/Worship/Subjugation I very much see Wally as the Lure of a very big Angler Fish.. The bait, the perfect little puppet that has captured our hearts and led us by the hand into Welcome Home. Isn't that very much how it has gone in real life? (Oh I KNOW I got the Mold BAD!!! ahahaha) (I can't stop drawing himmm!!! :3c ) But this is where my rambling stops, Until Next Time! I will just say that: The Relationship between Home and Wally (And by extension, YOU) Is a Strange one for sure! And I cant wait to see it further! And Just one more extra note on this whole Fungus thing.. Did you know that the BIGGEST Organism on the entire Earth.. Is a Mushroom? It is because they are connected through their Roots... (Down Below) and Houses kinda are shaped like musrooms... I will Leave it at That! Ahahahaha!

[iantimony]

a tuesday

listening: bionicle nostalgia playlist. ur welcome.

reading: mostly help forums for my dogshit software.

watching: olympics!! specifically fencing and a smattering of gymnastics. i think we all knew that lee keifer would win women's foil but it was so satisfying to watch happen. she really is a fucking steamroller, have not had one like her before and probably won't again for a very long time. her whole situation is insane - father was duke fencing captain and now a medical doctor, and now all three of his kids including lee are ALSO that and international fencers which is. insane. - and i am in awe of her etc. i did bring my fencing gear back to my apartment with me and i'm looking forward to starting that again, it's been like. at least five years since i last did anything with fencing and i miss it.

the other night i watched shaolin soccer with my boyfriend and roommate's bf. insane fucking film. they had both seen it already (my boyfriend saw it at least 20 years ago as a young kid, in the original canto/mandarin (which he does not speak) with no subtitles which i'm sure was a fucking experience) and . film of all fucking time, i think. insane plot and premise, makes absolutely no sense, overall story has confusing holes, but i'll be damned if i didn't have a great time watching it.

saw new house of the dragon on sun. i cannot bring myself to care about ulf. blacksmith guy is a little better but clearly still not great considering i cant remember his name. some of the writing this season has me like. squints. which beloved mutual pngjpeg reminded me that this one was written during the writers strike which does explain a lot i think. i'm still enjoying it, i really loved alicent's decision to just fuck off to the woods for a bit. she's so real for that. ophelia-coded lake float and all (which is ironic, because, fire and blood spoilers, i'm pretty sure alicent is one of the few people to make it out of this alive).

finally, roommate's bf has been putting on modern family every night in the living room so therefore we have also been watching modern family. brainrotting type of content (derogatory)

playing: soooo much pokemon go. it has become a vital part of my workout routine. i catch pokemon in between weight sets and also when im doing cardio LOL

making: made some coaster blanks in pottery for Secret Gifts ... hopefully they are done in time, gonna really grind them the next week or two!

eating: because i am back in my home base: many many good things. pictures courtesy of my boyfriend. we really said Protein Over Rice. in order:

harissa chicken thighs with shallots, this time with real harissa instead of gochujang - that shit is SPICY goddamn. it's really good though. my roommate's bf has an immersion blender and is in his Homemade Mayo era and i used some of that to cut the spice on my portion and my god that was so fucking good. this was followed by chicken and egg bowl (leftover chicken thighs with scrambled egg) and gyudon.

misc: on one hand i'm really glad to be back in my place! on the other i'm losing my mind a little bit because my roommate's boyfriend has moved in and i don't move out til aug 8 so i'm going a little insane with how disorganized my everything is right now. like i can't unpack anything because it makes no sense to so im just living out of my big ass suitcase. it's fine i'll be fine but like aaaa. also he re-organized all the cabinets and pantry so i don't know where anything fucking is any more !!! agony. i can't wait to have my own space for real.

my work ethic lately has been .. not great ... my advisor also is kinda leaving me on read which isn't my favorite. shrug. onwards and upwards i suppose. look at this crayfish hole and swallowtail butterfly from a walk in a park yesterday

[noellashes]

hiiiiiiii! feel free to ignore this ask but what do you like about noelashe? :0 I really like them too but I don't exactly know why myself... the parallels perhaps? the care? the potential? either way, I'm asking you how you feel about them! And I hope you have a wonderful day! :)

so so sorry for the late response but

anon you don't understand how long ive been waiting for someone to ask me this exact question

this may be extremely long depending on how much i feel like talking about so i apologize

spoilers inbound after this point!!

there are many, many reasons ive fallen in love with them and their dynamic, but ill try to condense them into a more readable format

the sections will be as follows:

 their parallels and how they compliment each other

their kindness and affection towards each other

how they treat the other differently to the others in the mansion

more surface level dynamic things i like

the things that got me attached to them in the first place

parallels!

i feel like every noelashe fan understands their parallels somewhat but im insane so im gonna go in depth

they match and contrast each other in so so many different ways, down to even design (i actually made a post about that before it shouldnt be too hard to find)

their personalities are one thing, energetic and tired, extroverted and introverted, loud and shy, cruel and kind, fake and genuine, manipulative and naïve, i could go on but thatd be WAY too long so i'll just mention these

but thats just on the surface, they actually match each other a LOT more than you think

how ashe is more introverted than what meets the eye, not liking people out of distrust, and noel being tons more talkative and social, adoring people and barely being able to hate anyone

noel being smarter than he appears, willing to lie and manipulate for what he wants, and ashe being really easy to fool sometimes, immediately believing anything he thinks can bring back his family

and of course the obvious, their wishes

the same wish, the same pain, they go through such similar trauma with different ways of dealing with it

or so you think, their coping is very similar and this is acknowledged in sirius's conclusion, the only real difference being if theyre violent or not. noel, has sworn off harming people but he's still not above using backhanded methods for his goals. ashe, despite doing awful things for his wants, still has noble(ish) reasons for why he does these things

neither are entirely innocent, but neither are completely guilty

they both just want the people they care for to live peacefully, alive

but both do some pretty fucked up things for this wish, noel lies to sirius and uses dorothy as a ploy, ashe well- i think we all know. ashe commits multiple varied crimes that range from theft to murder and noel's own negligence can be considered a crime in some cases.

they have an understanding no one else does and it creates a lot of interest towards them and develops them as individuals too

kindness

they care so much for each other its insane

noel has trouble seeing ashe as anything but kind and ashe cant help but feel attached to noel even if he doesnt want to, which makes them get close each time and it makes them feel for each other a LOT more than they need to

the times where noel is sick and ashe takes care of him, ashe saying he lied so noel wont feel bad, noel letting ashe confide in him and ashe even trusting him enough to say his worries in the first place, the list goes on

they just have an instant bond bc they want someone to care and help them (even if both have trouble admitting it) and they want to help each other, which just makes them care more

it always ends in kindness between the two and it's one of the ways we get a happy ending

special treatment

i could put this in the kindness section but i think it deserves its own section bc its so damn cute

it does have a little less to go over tho as it doesn't happen much

im also gonna start adding screenshots and such

noel seems to really admire ashe and his abilities so much more than anyone else its adorable

hes so amazed by him literally just cooking and he doesnt comment on anything to do with precise stuff that isnt smth ashe does, i may be wrong but i dont think ive ever seen him comment on smth like sirius drawing talismans which is highly specific but will ALWAYS think about how impressed he is with ashe

he also just

treats ashe in a similar way to claire, like he just casually says ashe saved him which is such a strong word to him with no thought and he LITERALLY SAYS HE TRUSTS HIM UNCONSCIOUSLY BC HE REMINDS HIM OF CLAIRE if that doesnt say smth i dont know what does

and ashe always opens up to noel so much more than anyone else like noel has gotten ashe to talk about himself unlike anyone else, the only other character he talked to about things was claire (technically sirius too but he was drunk off his ass so im not counting it) and that was like once he doesnt even say anything that isnt surface level

ashe also just refuses to harm noel and i dont think anyone has noticed this before

it makes sense if his killings are during the day bc noel literally just isnt there but some other times he has no excuse

HE MOVES TO THE SIDE HERE EVEN IF WHERE HE WAS STANDING GAVE HIM A CLEARER SHOT TO CLAIRE YOU CANT TELL ME IT WASNT SO HE DELIBERATELY MISSES NOEL

ALSO HE COULDVE TRIED AGAIN OR GONE AFTER HIM BUT NO HE JUST GOES "missed one!" AND CALLS IT A DAY IF THATS NOT PROOF HE DOESNT WANNA HURT NOEL I DONT KNOW WHAT IS

surface level things

as much as i love the incredible lengths of their relationship, i also like more simple things that im just gonna put into a little list

theyre so sun and moon guys

BLACK CAT AND GOLDEN RETRIEVER BFS

their color palettes look nice together

babygirl and wet cat

loves to cook and fucking awful at cooking

smartass x dumbass

mutual healing

their symbols being hearts and stars those look so cute together

"i care about you!!" "why??", mutually

little bitch and sweetheart

both are affectionate but neither can handle it

emotionally repressed x the one who wants them to grow again

bfs who rant about their interests

same trauma

very strange guy x doesnt care

"im a disgusting monster" "HOW?"

the black and white good evil thing is very aesthetically pleasing for them

angel and devil (kinda)

why i fell in love with them

theres a lot of reasons why i love them but theres a few very specific things that got me attached

most obvious is that theyre both my favorites, im extremely attached to ashe and i loved him from the start, i didnt start liking noel until a tiny bit later but he very quickly gained my love

i also relate to them both heavily so seeing them care so much for each other gave me comfort

its a huge pattern that most of my ships are of the character i got immediately attached to and relate to and other character i relate to who cares about the first character

the fate line. its just so gay i was like "thats kinda gay" and while i didnt always think of it like it was super important it always stuck in my head like "yeah i could ship them"

but the real thing that started this all was the wine scene

its when i realized how much they cared for each other and then the floodgates opened, and here we are now!!

its still by far my favorite scene of the two it just makes me so happy its so adorable

conclusion

i have an extreme love for noelashe and just seeing them can make my entire mood better

i dont think many people have analyzed them as much as me so its sad to see how much stuff with them goes unnoticed

theyre genuinely so great for each other, platonic, romantic or anything in between, they deserve to be happy with each other

im so sorry for this being so long and maybe really hard to understand but i adore them so much

if you read this all thank you so much!! have a great day

[naughtless0000]

i played and beat mouthwashing for the first time yesterday. here's how that went..

to start off, i wanna say there's MAJOR spoilers and im gonna be yapping so here we go

-

-

staring off with cool screenshots i took, just so we dont immediately jump off into the depressing yap fest

immediately said "oh boy i love playing fnaf" when i was here (i saw fanart of daisuke and it was him saying 'cmon, its just like among us, you can do this' while crawling though the vents) -

despite the implications i found this to be really fucking cool, but thats just me. and the more you think about it the more games you remember that have a scene where youre going into/coming out of a giant open mouth from the head of a character -

i still cant entirely wrap my head around the fact that swansea has this custom swan key just for him. like, haha, i get it, "swan"sea, swan key.. but where did he get it from? not the key, but the custom holder? makes you wonder how long he's had it for.

-

i couldnt find my own screenshot of him, i dont know where it went, but yimpy........ yimpy.. i have a feeling daisuke drew it, who else would it be -

-

ok, now its time for the depressing stuff

god. let me tell you about the genuine distress i felt. i had the isopropyl before it was even mentioned, so the first time i had to clear the foam to get to the medicine cabinet. i was just fucking around a little bit when i was stuck in the game (for a stupid reason might i add) so i just mixed it with mouthwash cause i was like "hey, this will make it actually better to use as real mouthwash, right?" (am i an idiot? out of game, like, am i stupid? do you understand what i was thinking though? the disinfectant? anyways..) and when it made the plain mocktail.. i was like "haha this is funny." and then it quickly became NOT FUNNY. when daisuke NEEDED IT, so i had to take the LONG ROUTE TO GET SOMETHING ELSE. AND I BLAME MYSELF FOR HIS DEATH

i know that there probably arent any different routes in the game and it was meant to happen.. but i feel like i should play it again BECAUSE COME ONNNNNN. - i got it spoiled for me that anya was pregnant when i was looking for the solution to helping her out of medical. which, by the way, i was a complete idiot during that part. all i needed to do was click on a different part of the door to continue the game, so im just stupid. you wont believe my face when i realized how dumb i was. so when she said she was pregnant i didnt have a genuine reaction to it, cause i got it spoiled. kind of the same thing for when we get to see what curly looked like before the game, but it wasnt really a spoiler to me because i had no intention of playing the game when i started seeing content for it. i was seeing fanart, and friends posting about it, but i really had no clue. so i knew of curly, and i started to recognize who daisuke was in fanart, and i knew anya but not her name, but i never saw swansea before i went onto the steam page. daisuke ended up being my favourite character.... we can all just WONDER how im FEELING NOW. technically speaking, everybody but curly does die in some way. so if you have a favourite character besides him, forget being happy- actually, scratch that. if you play mouthwashing AT ALL, FORGET BEING HAPPY. BUT ITS SO GOOD!!!! genuinely!! another 10 dollar indie game that completely ruined me!!!!!! mouthwashing is genuinely such a wonderful game, and i wonder if we could be getting another one? but i dont know how a second game would go. does curly ever get found? since he's in the cryo pod, but also (like i just saw someone say when i was looking up the word for cryo pod..) his injuries alone could end up killing him, right? maybe? he is frozen for 20 years, would that stop the bacteria from killing him? i dont know for sure. -

-

before writing this blog, i had another where i was updating as i played the game. here are a few things i said, and i'll be adding my thought now after the fact. -

I HAD EVERY RIGHT NOT TO. I NEVER WANTED TO GIVE HIM THE AXE IN THE FIRST PLACE. -

well. when you show a giant, sharp knife, its gotta be used for something other than cake. time to feast. (IM SORRY.) -

youre just an idiot. click on the door and not just the handle. -

this pretty much sums up my experience playing the game after a while (especially being a daisuke fan) -

-

anyways. two more screenshots i took

and thats pretty much it i feel like playing the game again after writing this, so maybe i'll do another post about it take this thing i made before i go

sums it up................

[the-vibes-are-off]

The Stormlight Archive Volume 1: The Way of Kings’ Review: Chapters 20-23

link to contents page - https://at.tumblr.com/the-vibes-are-off/hey-hey/96xd9ohihrzs

Hello my dear sweet angels, it is me, I am back after a stressful ass week - final essay deadlines, dumb ass uni reading, consuming of alcohol, the touching of grass (pictured above as evidence to myself and everyone else that I do, in fact, go outside). While TWOK is definitely a reprieve from working, I have been so tired that I have found it difficult to muster up the energy to do read more than necessary so I have had to pick and choose days and only had time to write this up today.

Fret not! I am for sure still enjoying the book and these reviews will continue on :) I am thinking of writing up reviews weekly, every Sunday as it tends to be a more relaxed day of the week for me so expect these every Sunday unless stated otherwise (not as late in the day as this tho, I was napping ;P).

Spoiler Free Zone:

This part was majority Kaladin, including a cheeky flashback which you all know I love!

Its nice to see some wholesome bridge four interactions after so much indifferent to one another too, my little heart ;-;

I also got more of Wit, whose presence I will always be ready and waiting to receive. He reminds me of the vibe my friends and I have when were together and I think that’s why I love him so much as we dont see each other often with studying in different cities :((

***SPOILERS AHEAD***

Spoiler Zone:

Chapter 20 really had to start by ripping my heart out and dancing on it still beating with young Kaladin crying and the whole like was there a salve that stopped the tears thing after failing to save that kid. Like bro the chapter was like 2.5 pages long you cant be doing that Brandon :’’’’’)

To go from that to like giving me more reason to hate Sadeas even tho its not necessary by trying to make further example out of bridge four. Like ugh people who treat other humans as less than really boil my blood more than any other like villainous archetype bc its such a real thing and there is fully no excuse for it. Its becoming why I like Dalinar more and more as he is changing to become more progressive in his treatetment of others. Not to mention him roasting Adolin’s serial dating thats also a plus 

At least I had Wit in the next chapter to put more pep in my step. As a frequent roaster of the upper class with being a povo northerner, nothing delights me more than seeing others with the same sentiments as me :)) Plus the classis “oh *insert god or deity here*” “no just me” exchange is one of my fave ever since watching the shadowhunters movie as a kid so that was a welcome addition too.

The highlight tho has to be the bridge four relationships like by far. Rock and Syl friendship? iconic. Teft giving into helping and acc enjoying it to an extent? love to see it. Rock putting chull dung in Sadeas’ food? Literally cannot be topped ever.

P.S: This literally took so long to write bc I still had residual sleepiness from my nap omg this is to my future self to NOT write a review part just after waking up xD.

Tab Count:

Cute <3 - 0

Fights - 0

Sad ;-; - 1

Death - 0

Cool - 0

Wtf wow - 0

Wtf Why - 0

Slay Quotes - 4

Love this! - 3

Hate this >:( - 1

Lore - 1

Tab Total:

Cute <3 - 8

Fights - 8

Sad ;-; - 5

Death - 4

Cool - 6

Wtf wow - 3

Wtf Why - 3

Slay Quotes - 14

Love this! - 13

Hate this >:( - 4

Lore - 6

[postwarlevi]

Thank you! Well unfortunately it's a chronic thing but I'll manage. I'm taking a lot of supplements, too. How yre you? Oh really? Wow, I'd probably go there every month until I'm broke. So like...1-2 times lol. But I cant wait to see it. Haha, visit you? I'll just move into the cottage next to you two. Yea I have way oo much stuff. Yesterday I was organizing my bathroom - so. much. shampoo! Honestly, I won't have to buy any new shampoo for at least 6 months. It's ridiculous. Again, a full bag of trash (expired products) and one back I'm going to donate (to a women's house). Yes I do self-shipping now too. IDK if I'll be writing a lot, but it's fun. (guess I'll write mostly Levi x reader). I used to dislike it, too. But I think that was because in my old fandoms everybody else hated it (and did it secretly - lots of jealousy). As for Levi there are just canon-character ships I really despise. I don't care about self-ships. Let people have fun. Also you are the first person here, do call me moot <3 <3

Awe good luck with the supplements and everything! I hope it helps!

I have a late work day, I'm eating lunch and will head in shortly. I let myself take a nap and now ran outta time to do extra things, oh well, it was a nice nap lol.

I hope you enjoy the park! I had a family member that just went and had a blast and showed lots of pictures. I bet it will be lots of fun!

Yes yes move in to the next door cottage. We'll share land and make bread and raise farm animals!

Thats great you're donating your stuff! I've been giving things away or tossing things that are just too old and things like VHS tapes. I'm going through a pile of papers to shred that have been in a box and there's tings that are from 2018 in there! I've also found I don't need toothpaste for a year haha.

Honestly I didn't know character x reader was even a thing before I joined tumblr, but I like that it's then more open for people! I had to adjust my writing a little but it's good! There's at least one thing that I am still debating doing an original character for, because the character is deaf. Maybe once I get polls and am actually up to writing it I'll ask haha. It's a long story that the draft is completely written cause I couldn't stop myself. Here it is if you want to read. Spoilers of course but it's still open to changes!

Yeah, self shipping is just fun, and generally pretty harmless. I like supporting my moots ship and getting in on it by inviting myself over to their fictional world LOL.

I look forward to more of yours stories! I do think x reader stories get more views than OCs here on tumblr, at least from what I've been. Happy writing!

[lizze919]

My Honest Review of: Bendy and the Dark Revival

as someone who sold their soul to this franchise

Okay so the game overall is good, maybe a little flawed but every game will have some short of glitch, plot hole, or just a bad level design. I want to nitpick alittle as well as praise the game for some things so heres a review.

The combat is a little funky. After a while you get the hang of it, but its definitely not the best; Enemies will attack you even if you just hit them. It isnt necessary, but I think most of us can agree the tiniest little stun could be nice.

The game handles stealth pretty well in my opinion. Most of the time after you get the gent pipe you dont really need to be sneaky, but it does help when you just dont feel like using that funky combat system. Though stealth is mandatory in the Keeper levels, but They're kind of blind, and death, so you can pretty much just walk behind them.

The Ink Demon is the big bad of the game, and while playing with my friend, she literally just told be "yeah dont worry you'll know exactly when hes here" And she was completely right. the absolute warning doesnt make the game bad, but I feel having to sneak around the Ink Demon could help with establishing him as an actual threat.

That brings me to another point: the ending. It's not bad, the idea of Audrey and the demon becoming one plot wise is epic, but gameplay wise.. in short I wish the Ink Demon took damage because those lost ones do nothing, or make it where you have to fight against the demon for control.

I ran into a couple glitches myself: There was the Keeper after the Alice fight that kept getting stuck, which was just kind of helpful for me. There was another one that just annoyed me, sometimes objects I'm meant to pick up dont glow, and dont let me get them. At first I thought it was simply me not grabbing the objective first, but that wasnt the case, eventually I just loaded my save and it let me pick it up. (if you're interested in more glitches I recommend AstralSpiffs video on glitches)

Plot wise, The game is actually super cool, It made sense, and wasnt hard to follow. I have dedicated a lot of my time to this franchise, and there wasnt any plot holes I noticed.

The game did a good job of making me go "WOAH that changes everything" I wont spoiler any of the plot twists, but they're definitely awesome.

Another thing I wish to see in an update perhaps, is a reason for collecting memorys, I havent exactly checked but from what I can tell the only profit of getting them is an achievement. It would be cool if collecting them changed Audrey's stance on things. small spoiler so skip to the next point: Maybe collecting them would make Audrey less upset learning about her childhood.

I wish Allison was in the game more, they really wanted her front and center in the trailers and teasers early on, and I just feel like there should've been more of her, we see her 3 times the whole game.

The game isnt very scary, I did get jumpscared, but other then those it's not scary, the ambience and environment isnt spooky. It's not a bad thing, actually the game is almost better not being spooky, but for being a horror game I thought I should atleast mention it.

I cant think of anything else I want to talk about, so yeah hope you liked my review

[crowreans]

trails in the sky - kevin i love kevin so much hes my guy of all time while im hyperfixating. i already know all that happens in the 3rd but im running through it myself just to get all of the achievements and i cant wait to put him in the deepest part of the therapy box again and shake it violently. i love his self-loathing and mental issues and guilt its like looking in a mirror. i love the complete switch that he had at the end of sc. i love how his "weird way of talking" is the kansai dialect in the japanese version. i love how he still just feels like a complete dork despite everything. i want his gender and the way he talks in both en and jp and his personality. hyperfixation to the highest degree. i should write him. i should learn kansaiben.

trails of cold steel - (has only played through cs2) crow :) i like to pretend i hate him for stealing my name but im enamored with him. i wont give explicit spoilers bc i have friends following this blog that im trying to drag into trails but he was so right at the end of cs1. he should do it again

ys - geis hes so funny to me. in one game he goes from "stay away from all of this and mind your business" to "youre the only one that can help us all" in the span of like three conversations. im so obsessed with him. i should go back to ys 7 just so i can see him again

the world ends with you - i like rhyme a lot. it seems like she gets put to the side a lot which makes sense since she had so little screen time in the first game but shes my daughter. to me

rune factory - kiel !! hes so little i want to hug and squish him so bad i like how gullible he is and how much he spreads rumors and its not even malicious or on purpose. i married him on my second rf4 playthough and hes my favorite in my little comfort therapy game

.hack// - silabus is my favorite. in the whole series. dudes like the nicest dorkiest guy ever. he gives me dopamine and i wish he didnt get set to the side as g.u. went on. i could only ever dream of being this nice and friendly and dependable but unfortunately rabid and unhinged and weird fits my personality way more. i still want his gender

hi-fi rush - korsika shes so cool dude. i play it in japanese sometimes and her boss fight singlehandedly got me into actually parrying. but also i would totally let her kill me

samurai warriors - hanbei was my favorite since like day 1 since i pretty much immediately mained him. i like how hes a really formidable strategist but he just drags his feet and wants to be lazy all day every day. me too my guy. massive L to his irl counterpart tho

disgaea - christo ! disgaea isnt really known for anything like Top Tier Storytelling or Character Development but well. i like how hes a horrible liar and manipulator but winds up helping the rest of the party despite them being demons and him being an angel. d5 is also my disgaea game of Ever since the ones after that are. not great

your turn to die - keijis probably one of the more interesting characters ive seen out of a rpgmaker game. he gets so close and pushes everyone else to put their trust in sara but it takes nearly the entire game for him to say a single word about himself but he Still has things he could be hiding. hes so interesting to me i want his life story

Tagged by @g1ngerbeer 10 fandoms/10 characters/10 tags ok let's see if I'm doing this right yeehaw

Trails of Cold Steel - ITS SO HARD TO PICK JUST ONE but well if I have to its gotta be Rean. The guy ever. He's done absolutely nothing wrong and the universe hates him. I love him sm. Shakes him in a snowglobe.

Star Wars - Anakin is the problematic fav ever. He's just the worst. God awful. King of bad decisions making. Virtually a demigod but is exceptionally stupid about it. Icon.

Splatoon - Does Captain 3 count. The fucking, faceplanting after doing something cool. The Booyah. The peace sign. They're so funny.

Monster Hunter - I LOVE UTSUSHI he's just so funny. Uses the word bodacious unironically. His pupil's No. 1 fan. He sparks joy your honor.

The Magnus Archives - Jon is so poor little meow meow. Just, so meow meow. Incredible character arc of bastard to pathetic to soft marshmallow with god powers and a martyr complex. Immaculate.

Legend of Zelda - Every single iteration of Impa is the GOAT. Guardian, protector, friend, she's got it all. BIG fan of Skyward Sword and Hyrule Warriors iterations specifically.

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint - YJH IS SO. Local man having depression and mental illness due to regression, and then some asshole comes around and throws approximately 50 wrenches into his plans. Unfortunately, he becomes immensely attached to said asshole. His life is a nightmare and it's funny to watch.

Pokémon - N Harmonia was baby's first blorbo and I miss him sm. We love a cult survivor learning about how the world actually works, good for him.

Percy Jackson - SPECIFICALLY the Lightning Thief Musical especially the production I watched understands Luke Castellan better than anyone ever will and I am spinning it in my head all the time

Fantasy Life - Yuelia my daughter light of my life dearly beloved she's an angel she's grace she's done nothing ever wrong and I would die for her

Ok ok can I tag 10 people. Let's see. @foolsbangle @harasharaved @dracolunae @ashenknightt @the-carrotella @rosenmarille @ephemeralcemsilee @crowreans @charxan @kulvefaggoth

[aiz-tea]

Advice on manifesting:

1. Don’t throw away your whole life on it.

Stop revolving your whole life around it and instead use it around your life. I’ve seen this thing where people start procrastinating everything to get into the void or make it a job to affirm. I’m not saying it won’t work but you’re complicating a very simple process. And this also makes you very tense about deadlines as you’re manifesting and you’re half thinking about the things you have to do and how you’re not doing it. Basically, it helps very little.

2. Stop over-consuming resources.

Reading the same thing 4 times doesn’t help. Half of the people on this blog already know the basics which is ‘whatever you assume comes true’. Assume ANYTHING YOU WANT, and persist. It’s that simple. Assume you’re amazing at manifesting and you are in that moment the best at manifesting, your 3D reflects your desires in seconds. Again note that the word used is ‘assume’ not ‘believe’. Circumstances don’t matter. Circumstances. Don’t. Matter. Circumstances don’t matter. IT DOESN’T MATTER HOW YOU’LL GET SOMETHING. YOU’LL GET IT.

3. Stop doubting.

Stop diving into doubt every second you get. I know it’s difficult sometimes but think ‘what am I gonna lose if I believe in the law and it doesn’t work?’ a bit of disappointment at worst? Meh that’s worth all the amazing things I’ll get if it is true (spoiler: it is true).

Again this thought process is easier when you’re not skipping everything you have to do and gambling on it. The lesser stress and anxiety you have while manifesting, the better. [i am not saying you can’t manifest with anxiety or stress but it increases the chance of you guys spiralling into a ‘omg why do I not have this’ black hole.]

4. Persist.

*punches your face* violence is not okay but omg you there PERSIST IN YOUR THOUGHTS. You don’t have to believe, just assume and persist. Keep persisting in your delusion. You can say something different from your assumption (though not recommended) but persist in your thoughts.

5. Don’t look for perfection.

You don’t have to do a 10 step manifestation routine. I barely meditate or script or anything. I can’t remember the last time I did some complicated routine thing for manifesting. I do lullaby method but it’s not a obsessive repetition of the affirmations like a robot. I imagine myself in scenarios when I’m about to sleep and then if I’m tired of imagining I randomly affirm whatever comes to my mind like ‘I am so amazing, damn b*tch I really got it all. The world revolves around me. I cant believe I earn tens of thousands of dollars a day; slash that I can. I absolutely deserve the best’ and so on. I affirm I get thousands of dollars one day, another day I affirm I get tens of thousands of dollars. None of that affects my manifestation. You don’t have to consistently have the same one affirmation, just the intention has to be similar to a point. Only your thoughts matter.

And best thing? Even that doesn’t have to be perfect. You can have a bad day and doubt it. It’s fine. Just revise it. And lord you don’t have to do a whole thing of sitting down for SATS then visualising for half an hour to revise. If you like that, do it. But if you do it like a job, please don’t. Just say oh that never happened, I never spiralled, I never doubted the law. You can either do this in your head or out loud. And boom that’s it. One thought revised.

So to summarise on how to manifest:

- assume it’s true and it’s true

- you make the rules, don’t make it too complicated. Everything works for you. All methods work perfectly no matter how you do it.

- just do whatever you’re comfortable with, wherever it be sats or scripting or meditation

- you can revise in seconds by just thinking that never happened or something else happened even just once

- STOP READING TOO MANY RESOURCES AND METHODS AND OBSESSIVELY TRYING THEM. ITS SIMPLE. THINK YOU HAVE IT GO DAMN UWU IM SO HAPPY I HAVE IT NOW LIVE IN YOUR IMAGINATION. DONE.

- special mention for you idiots who put void on a pedestal and keep trying it twice a day forsaking everything else, honestly just manifest through something else. You’re stressing yourself out. 😭 I’m not saying you can’t get in but GOD YOU ARE THE VOID. Stop putting it on a pedestal and making it this super difficult thing. You are assuming it’s difficult and your god self is manifesting that for you. Use that energy to manifest something else honey. Like all day everyday every second you are the void. You can’t be IN it at only one time cause you’re always it. You are the void. But you might have an assumption that it’s difficult to get what you want instantly. Revise that. You can get it. You’re always in the void and you can get what you want in seconds as long as you assume that. You’re a living walking God. Believe in yourself.

[kur0m1bab3]

-The diaries of the boy in the atheneum | B. Katsuki

-Bakugo x Gn!Reader

-Wc:5.9k

-pt(1/4)

Cw: strangers to lovers, very slow burn, very cliche, canon typical lifestyle( ie. hero’s and villains), Both katsuki and reader are in college, eventual smut so MDNI,themes like depression, anxiety and loneliness are going to be heavily implemented throughout this story, this story is heavily character driven from both perspectives, themes revolving around the stigma of male depression as well as the societal views of therapy,depression, addiction etc, an analysis into the hero system, mentions of death, mentions of an serious illness(cant say yet spoilers), a deep dive into katsuki as a character.

A/n: Before I start this off I want to say Thank you sm for taking the time to read this story. It took a lot out of me both mentally and physically, considering such heavy topic were presented throughout this story. Thank you to all the wonderful people who took the time to beta read this, I don’t have many moots on this app, but to everyone who did help, thank you so much. This story is essentially a character study of my beloved bakugo katsuki. He’s such a diverse and complex character regarding personality and I wanted to dive so much deeper, since I see his qualities in myself. I had a lot of fun writing this, and of course there will be multiple parts for this, I’m trying to cut it down to three to four. This project was heavily HEAVILY inspired by ‘The liminal space between love and lonely’ by the amazing @prettyboykatsuki . I kid you not I read this piece almost everyday. Words cannot even begin to describe how eloquently, ari wrote this piece. His writing is some of the best I’ve come across on this app, they never fail to leave me speechless! So please make sure to go check out her blog and writing! Feedback,reblog and likes greatly appreciated!

Bakugo Katsuki really liked the library.

There wasn’t anything inherently special about the quaint library that peeked his immense infatuation. It was normally dim in the building, rows of old, poorly lit overhead lights casting a flaxen hue about the space. Old papyrus and hints of coffee permeated the area, the smell distinct and earthy, clinging desperately onto every fiber of everything there. The furnishing in the building was fairly old, if katsuki had to guess he’d say it hadn’t had a change in about 25 years. It reminded him of the Hogwarts library in a way, a phantom of a smile gracing his features every time he thought about it, making a mental note to re-read the Harry Potter series. The library was always cold; katsuki absolutely hated that fact though, the only thing he detested about his newfound sanctuary.

Katsuki frequented the library weekly, his visitations even warranting in the familiarity of the old librarian named Lilian, who always greeted the ashen blond with a sweet smile and butterscotch. The library had become his safe space, his little corner of the world, an escape so to say; though he’d never use that verbiage. There wasn’t anything specific katsuki would do at the library, some days he’d study, read and check out a poetry book or two or even take a much-needed nap in the corner of the building, tucked away behind the large oak shelves. Then there were days where he’d just…sit. He’d sit for hours on end. Thinking. Staring. Pondering. There wasn’t any specific thought in his head on days like this. He’d guess that on days like this his mind resembled something akin to the beginnings of a thunderstorm. Grey, eerie, foggy; loud with the buzzing of thoughts that seemed to jumble into white noise.

Today was one of those days. Katsuki skipped class today, a heavyweight resting on his shoulders he couldn’t quite put a finger on. His mood was

Somber; desolate fragments of his already broken psyche crumbling like a fall leaf. He had no desire to deal with the antics of college and life today; His Hero courses he’d been skipping; The phone calls from his mother he’s been ignoring for about a month straight now. so he grabbed his stuff and headed to the library. The train ride to the library was always nice, watching scenic valleys and rolling hills fly past his half-lidded eyes as a random playlist played in his ears. It was about a 10-minute ride to the library. Katsuki really could’ve walked, which reminded him to start going to the gym again, considering the last endurance test he took came back with the shout-worthy grade of a 70.

The library was empty per usual, a handful of cars parked sporadically across the parking lot. Vermilion eyes flitted over the grey landscape, as he lackadaisically strolled into the building. If there was one thing Bakugo katsuki absolutely hated, it was change. Everyone, even himself could attest to that fact, which is why the moment he stepped through the threshold of the library his jaw ticked in irritation. Lilian, the sweet little librarian, who katsuki started to grow quite fond of, was nowhere to be found. Instead, in her place stood you. You didn’t notice him at first, your attention being alarmingly captivated by the frog plushie dressed as a librarian that sat perched on the reception desk. Katsuki huffed a breath, his mood exacerbating even more as he shuffled his way to the desk, a deep scowl forming on his hard features.

His presence startled you, him making himself known by dropping two poetry books onto the wooden desk, the thud resounding through the library. You jumped with a squeak, eyes finally gazing upwards in both surprise and slight irritation.

“O-oh! Gosh, you scared me sorry...Uh hi.. what can I-“

“Where’s Lilian.” The blond huffed, his voice rough and on edge, completely cutting you off like a hot knife through butter. A bewildered look flashed across your face for a split second, the slight furrow in your brows not going unnoticed by the blond.

“..um..vacation..her son just had a baby..” you mumbled, grabbing the books he tossed onto the desk. Katsuki clicked his tongue the ‘tsk’ sound vibrating in your skull rapidly as anger slowly began to fester in your gut from the stranger's attitude.

“She’ll be back in a month or two. For now, I’m the temporary bookkeeper, y/n.” You said matter of factly, watching as the blond finally turned to fully look at you. Your eyes met in a heated stare, the tension running thick through the area. Katsuki snarled, nostrils flaring slightly before he turned his back and walked away.

“Fucking asshole..” you mumbled to yourself, the weird and sudden interaction making a dull ache spark behind your eyes as you watched the back of the rude blond descend the aisle of books.

Katsuki Bakugo really, really fucking hates change. That sentiment was driven even further home as he glared at the table in front of him. He usually sat in the back of the library, the table he sat at was a little hard to find, cloistered behind two rows of shelves sitting snuggled deep in the corner. From here no one usually bothered him, he’d have a few students that would venture to the back, jumping slightly at his presence; them normally scurrying off at katsukis obvious disdain for their company. Lilian came back there sometimes as well, katsuki assumed it was to check to see if he was dead or not, a relived little smile gracing her aging face to see him still breathing, as she’d set down sweetly a cup of coffee or a nicknack or two, a smile and gruff thanks being given in gratitude.

There were well over 100 books piled onto the table and chairs katsuki mentally marked as his territory. Multi-colored sticky notes, tape, pens, and pencils were scattered about the table, him watching with a twitch as a lead pencil rolled from the desk, dropping to the carpeted floor with a small ‘clack’. He stared at the pencil unmoving, clenching and unclenching his fist. He no longer decided to ponder over why his table was currently a mess, instead choosing to let his anger consume him as he quickly turned on his heels, heading straight to the front.

You heard his heavy footsteps from a mile away, angry thuds hurdling quickly towards the desk. You looked up, being met with the intense heat of the blond staring you down, it almost made you back up in defense.

“Could you please go pick your shit up from my table?” Katsuki snarled, his pearly whites on display as he glowered down at you. Your eyebrows shot up in surprise, mouth slightly open as a scoff left your mouth.

“Excuse me?” You asked bewildered, as you watched the blond's face twist in disdain even more. He took a step closer to the desk, his shadow cloaking you in shivering darkness, as you swallowed shallowly his presence making your mouth run dry.

“I said get your fucking books and pens and shit off my table you shitty fucking replacement.” His voice was cold, low, and brewing with rage. He had the decency to keep his voice to a hushed harsh whisper, the sound causing chills to run down your spine. You studied the blond for a minute, taking in his appearance. You know for sure you’ve seen him around before. Campus you’re pretty sure. Based on his overall build alone you came to the conclusion he was a hero-in-training, his clothing doing a horrible job of hiding how brawny the scruffy blond really was. He was wearing a dark forest green sweatshirt, the color contrasting with his eyes well. The khaki pants he decided to wear complimented the sweatshirt well, though you could tell he didn’t iron them. On his feet were a pair of green shoes a little off-kilter of the green in his sweatshirt but, it still sufficed. you couldn’t tell the brand, but you could tell they have been thoroughly worn. A creme-colored tote bag was hung across his body, with further inspection you could tell just like his shoes, that the bag had some semblance of wistfulness to the man.

He did a great job over covering up his exhaustion that much you could tell. Your eyes finally examined his face. He was awfully attractive, with hard-cut features, searing eyes, and soft-looking hair; if he weren’t so much of a dick you probably would’ve crumbled under the intensity of his gaze. The longer you stared the more you began to notice. His lips, albeit soft-looking, were dry and slightly chapped, his bottom lip looked like it had been gnawed on for quite some time, the flesh there looking a little raw and bloody. His eyes, pretty saffron; looked dull, sunken in almost. His bags were dark and heavy, his eyes puffy with the obvious lack of sleep. His skin looked pale, not sickly; but pale perhaps due to the dreary winter weather. You could spot no blemishes on his face only a scar running from the right side base of his jaw to the middle of his right cheek. His hair looked a bit oily it had probably been a while since the last time he washed it. It had the slightest curl in it, a strand curling prettily in front of his eye.

His relatively put-together appearance was immediately foiled by the tired, and almost slightly desperate look on his face.

“Are you just gonna fuckin’ stare at me or go get your shit?” Katsuki sneered, his barely-there patience already running thin at your inquisitive gaze. You looked like you had snapped out of your trance from his voice, a ‘tch’ leaving the blond's lips.

“I’m guessing you’re referring to the clearly occupied table in the back.” You quipped back, eyebrow raised as the male huffed a breath.

“Of course, I’m talking about about the fuckin’ table in the back. Do you see any other tables out here with your stupid office shit on it?” Katsuki rumbled, his brash words seeming to have little to no effect, as you kept your face neutral to his tirade.

“No actually-” You began, deciding not to humor his snippy rhetorical question, arms crossing over your sweater-covered chest in defiance.

“I’m in the middle of doing book inventory. You’re more than welcomed to sit anywhere else though.” A triumphant grin spreads across your face at the blonds deepening scowl. An incredulous puff of air left his lips as he stared at you for a moment longer, before turning on his heels, disappearing behind a few shelves.

Katsuki was pissed. His mood shifted gear to irritation and anger rather than somber as he sat on the dark carpet floor, close to his old table, a longing look on his face before he stubbornly leaned back against the bookshelf, snatching up the book he picked up and began reading. It had been about two and a half hours since the last time you saw the hot-headed blond. You began to wonder if he left while you had your back turned, upset with the fact you took his table. Your thoughts were immediately halted as you made your way back to the table. He was sitting a few feet from the table you had occupied, on the floor. His large frame looked bunched between the narrow walkway between the shelves. His legs were sprawled out a slight bend in his knees due to the finite amount of room he had. His back was pressed up against the bookshelf behind him, his head leaning slightly back as the book he was reading rested in his hands, eyes dancing across the page.

He looked peaceful, there were no scowls or creases on his face; the semblance of a pout caressing his bubblegum pink lips. He looked pretty like this, almost like a character straight from a novel.

“You have a starin’ problem.” The blond mumbled, his sudden voice making you jump in surprise. His eyes glanced up at you momentarily before returning back to the book.

“Sorry…I didn’t realize you were back here…” you said carefully, trying to gauge his mood in order not to piss him off. He let out a sound of an acknowledgment as you slowly made your way towards him. He didn’t even bother to look up as he moved his legs, allowing you to get to the table still piled high with books. You mumbled out a feeble thanks, a grunt being responded as you began to go through the stockpile of books. The air was quiet, the hum of the heater and sounds of pages flipping filling the area. It was a calm air, unlike the hostility from earlier.

“Sorry about earlier,” Katsuki grumbled, keeping his eyes downcast on the page, not daring to look up. His voice caught

You off guard again, body immediately turning in the wooden chair, a loud creak sounding throughout the space at your sudden movements.

“Huh?” You answered back dumbly—an irritated look flashing across the blond's face as he glanced at you, taking in your appearance. You looked to be around the same age as him, hair up and messy, a pair of glasses perched on your nose as gazed at him with a dumbstruck expression.

“You deaf or somethin’? I said m’sorry about earlier-“ his eyes flickering away from your momentarily.

“…was in a bad mood..took it out on you” Katsuki finalized, Turing his attention back to his book as he saw you straighten up your posture from his peripheral.

“S’alright…I uh...I could tell..” you trailed off, fiddling with your lanyard as you peeled at the blond through your lashes. He grunted again in acknowledgment, seemingly ending the conversation there. You stared at him for a while, curiosity clouding your mind as you watched him.

“So uh...I take it you come here often?” You asked, awkwardness seeping through your voice as you scanned another book, placing it where it belongs. It took him a while to answer, you thought he maybe didn’t hear you as you went to open your mouth again.

“Somethin' like that,” Katsuki said shortly, no longer paying attention to the book, but keeping his eyes roaming around the page. A soft hum left your mouth as you slightly turned, facing the man.

“Whatcha readin’?” You asked mindlessly, a strange comfort casting over you at his presence alone. A dark blush radiated the tips of Katsukis ears as he cleared his throat.

“Uh..the sorcerers stone..” he mumbled. An amused smile graced your face as you giggled.

“Harry Potter?” You snorted as you watched the blond's face turn into a deep scowl.

“Fuck is so funny about that?” He growled, his cheeks dusting a hue of pink out of embarrassment.

“Nothing nothing…it’s just…You don’t strike me as a Harry Potter kind of guy.” You hummed continuing to put the books away. Katsuki stayed quiet, his mood neutral as he carefully got up, cautiously making sure he didn’t accidentally kick the books as he dusted himself off. You turned at his sudden movement, watching as he gathered his things along with the book.

“You gonna keep fucking starin’ or come and check out my book?” Katsuki snapped, you rolling your eyes a bit at his attitude as you mumbled a small ‘right’, watching as he made his way to the reception desk. He didn’t stick around after you checked him out, barely responding to the farewell you administered before hastily making his way out into the cold. You watched after him, leaning across the oak desk to see him stop in the middle of the parking lot. He was looking up towards the sky, blond locks whipping in the nippy air slightly. He seemed to be thinking, a faraway look on his face as he huffed out a breath, the air being visible due to the cold, before walking off disappearing into the darkening night. You stared at the spot he stood at for a bit longer, mind replaying the events of today as you tore your gaze away from outside, beginning the process of locking up the library.

As you were locking up you made a mental note to re-read the Harry Potter series.

————————————

Katsuki was a creature of habit. He didn’t necessarily have a schedule so to say, more so a vague picture of what he does on a day-to-day basis that revolved around the things he enjoys and necessities.

Lately, though, it seems as though he never even bothered to attempt to try and regulate his life like how it was before. The days seemed to be shortened and the nights seemed to drag on in sheaths of rolling darkness… or maybe it was just daylight savings—He hadn’t been keeping track of the days and time lately.

Katsuki didn’t want to go to class today, thankfully it was only two classes, both fairly bearable and easy. He really couldn’t afford to miss another day, his emails being bombarded by his advisors ‘bitchin' about some shit’ as he’d put it.

He believes it said something about 2 more unexcused absences and he’d be kicked out of the hero course, or something like that; he always just threw those emails in his junk folder anyway.

Today was cold, colder than it had been last week when he visited the library, it didn’t help with his mood, sluggish and a little disoriented from the mere 2-hour sleep he got that morning.

The ride to campus was as mundane as it could get, an elderly couple holding hands chatting quietly amongst each other, smiles gracing their faces. There was a mother, clearly exhausted, but nonetheless smiling and engaged as she listened carefully to her son explain some over-the-top extravagant story.

Katsuki smiled softly, painfully. He always found kids amusing, so blissfully unaware of the sins of the world. It was about 20 minutes to his campus bus stop, Katsuki deciding to take the tranquil peace of the bus as his chance to finally get a well-needed rest.

20 minutes wasn’t nearly enough time for katsuki to sleep, it felt as though he blinked and was suddenly thrust back into the reality of the real world. It took him a minute to orient himself again, giving the bus driver a tight-lipped smile as he paid his fare and stepped into the nippy winter air.

There was a familiar tune playing throughout his campus, wracking his brain for the name of the tune, mindlessly strolling to his class. There were stringy lights hung everywhere, green and red orbs of ordainments decorating the trimmed trees surrounding his school. Then, it dawned on him.

‘Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..’

“Fuck..” Katsuki murmured, the Christmas song ringing in his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He couldn’t believe he lost track of time to this extent. It was December 1st, the dragged-out year he had, began to come to a close more quickly than he had originally anticipated. He knew his mother was probably ringing his phone off the hook, trying to reach out.

It’d been a while since he last talked to her…he missed her..a lot. He hurried to his first class of the morning, anthropology. He doesn’t know why he decided to take this class, if he remembers correctly, he’s pretty sure he let Mina handle his scheduling for this semester gruffing out a ‘knock yourself out pinkie’.

It took approximately 10 minutes and 54 seconds to reach his anthropology class, mumbling complaints to himself as he sniffed harshly, cheeks and nose a cherry red from the sharp winter air. Katsuki heard Kirishima before he saw him.

“Kacchan! Dude where have you been?” Kirishima asked hurriedly, watching as Katsuki grumbled and cursed under his breath as he struggled to take off his coat.

“Home. Library.” Katsuki mumbled, finally getting the garment off as he sat down in his seat, a satisfied sigh leaving his lips as the warmth of the room began to envelop him.

“Next time text us or something! We were worried we haven’t seen you in like a week and a half!” Another voice chimed from directly behind him, as he glanced up, coming face to face with bright yellow pupils. Katsuki let out a hum of acknowledgment as Mina handed him a cup of coffee an appreciative hum given in return.

“Sorry..just been busy,” Katsuki said, as both Mina and Kirishima shared a collective look, noticing the fiery blond's current docile and introspective disposition.

“Bk…if...if you’re going through something—“

“I’m fine.” Katsuki cut off, putting on his best smirk as he sipped the hot beverage at hand.

“Don’t go all fuckin’ mushy gushy on me dumbass” he countered, hoping they couldn’t see right through him. Kirishima chuckled, throwing an arm around the blond as Mina rested her head atop katsukis beanie covered head as the two laughed. A wobbly smile sat on Katsukis face, it was an eerie smile, unsettling you could say. A blank owlish look masked by a faux grin. As Katsuki sat in silence, letting the warmth of his friends, and their laughter flutter past him he came to realize two things:

Katsuki Bakugo was alone and scared.

______________

It had been almost two and a half weeks since you last saw the blond-haired male with a pretty face and fiery attitude. You hate to admit that you were a little dejected not being able to see him. Despite his temperament and god-awful vocabulary, he was interesting.

You couldn’t quite put your finger on what it was, but he intrigued you nonetheless. The chime of the door opening broke you from your thoughts, you didn’t bother looking up, as you automatically and almost robotically called out a greeting.

“Welcome, if you need any assistance just let me know.”

“Got your fuckin’ junk on my table again? Or can I go back to my rightful place?”

Your head snapped up embarrassingly fast, taking in the sight of the blond male who’s been on your mind for days now.

“Hi..” you breathed out softly, eyes taking him in. Today he was in all black. Black sweatpants, black sweatshirt, and a black beanie covering tuffs of blond that peeked from underneath. His cheeks and nose were dusted a raging pink from the harsh winds, despite the winter glow he still looked exhausted, maybe even more so than last time.

“Do you sleep?” You blurted out before you could even think, a hand coming up to cover your mouth as you stared at him wide-eyed. His expression never changed; giving you the same blank look as before.

“What’s it look like?” He asked rhetorically, an eyebrow raised in question as you cleared your throat. There was a brief silence as you took the Harry Potter book from his large hands.

“So-“ you began awkwardly, glancing up as the blond awaited your next statement.

“How was the book?” You asked, coughing awkwardly at his stoic face.

“You’re shit at small talk.” Katsuki deadpanned, as he watched your face morph into embarrassment as you mumbled out a small sorry continuing to check his book in.

He watched you silently, eyes observing you catching little things he hadn’t noticed the first time. You were wearing an ugly Christmas sweater, assuming you were already in the Christmas spirit. Your nails were painted, the tips a bright jolly red; which Katsuki actually took a great liking to. Today, your hair was down a stupid Santa hat clip pushing back the shorter pieces. Katsuki thought you looked tacky, like a kindergarten teacher. He watched as your earrings, which were in the shapes of little snowflakes jingled with every movement.

“You look like a hallmark catalog…tacky as shit” Katsuki murmured, a slight quirk to his lips as he watched your face morph into horror.

“Well, I’m sorry I’m just in the Christmas spirit!” You piped back, voice defensive and high pinched as you flared at the blond. Katsuki gave you an amused scoff, letting his eyes roam around the library. It looked like you had just began to decorate it, flashy tinsel being hung from the shelves and tables. The normal library-themed plushies, replaced by little elves and Santa plushies. He could hear the distant hum of a Christmas playlist playing throughout the library reminding him of his campus.

He glanced behind you, gazing at the messy storage boxes of Christmas decorations and a box that seemed to hold an artificial Christmas tree. Katsuki shook his head, your temperament reminding him of a toddler, as he turned around wordlessly, wandering off into the library.

You let out an abated breath as you peered down at the sweater you were wearing, a frown etching upon your lips.

“Do I really look tacky..?”

_____________

It was about 3 hours when you saw the ashen blond next, toting his bag and two books, one being the next installment of the Harry Potter series, the other being a poetry book.

“…The teeth of the world are sharp….huh? Kinda dark don’t ya think?” You commented jokingly, handing him the book only to be met with silence. You looked up, his expression throwing you off course as you looked into his solemn eyes.

“S’ a beautiful book…” he trailed off, as he grabbed his things leaving without so much as a word. If you didn’t know any better, you could’ve sworn you saw him walk out with the remnants of tears stains adorning his flushed cheeks. After that he came back the next day, same unreadable expression adorning his face as he waltzed in with the poetry book in one hand, his tote bag nestled under his arm.

“You’re back early.” You greeted, a small smile on your face as you watched the blond watch you, eyes scanning over your appearance before handing you the poetry book.

“Yeah. Finished it last night.” He replied as you hummed softly, checking in his book. He was still standing there, analyzing you closely, his burning gaze finally enough to tear you from the book, an eyebrow cocked upward.

“…what?” You asked eyebrow raised.

“No Christmas sweater?” He spoke, eyes peering at you curiously as you bit your lip, clearing your throat.

“Uh..well..” you began as he watched you, expression blank and almost bored.

“You..you said yesterday it was tacky so I uh…I don’t know…you were probably right it was a little over the top..” you mumbled out, embarrassed you care so much about the aloof blonds opinion. Katsuki watched you momentarily as he kissed his teeth.

“Yeah, it was tacky.” He spoke, watching as your face dropped even more.

“But…it was cute.” He grumbled before walking off, hoping to the gods above you didn’t see the burning blush dusting his cheeks.

You began to see the ashen blond more frequently from then. Him coming in every day, giving you a small greeting before descending back into his little corner. You couldn’t help but smile, cheeks warming every time you saw him, heart beating just a bit faster at the first of a phantom smile he’d give you every now and then.

At a point, you even began to bring him lunch or snack if you had the extra change to spare, which the blond would happily accept, with a grunt as the two of you would eat in comfortable silence. It was the week before Christmas, the library being reasonably empty due to Christmas break, that had actually started on the 6th day of the month.

You were surprised to still see the blond poetry lover still visiting the library despite the holidays. It had been a little over a month since the first interaction with red-eyed mystery, as you began to see yourself crave his presence. Your friends thought you were ridiculous, crushing on a guy you didn’t even know the name of.

You hurried back into the library, teeth chattering as you hugged yourself carefully, the bags in your hands making an ample amount of noise through the deserted library. You shuffled to the back, a smile gracing your face as you spotted tuffs of unruly blond hair.

“Sorry It took so long, there was a line.” You mumbled, shivering in your coat as you sat down in front of the blond. A tiny smile graced his face as he looked at you, tired eyes shining with thanks.

“S’fine..” he mumbled as you smiled.

“So I didn’t know what to get you at first, but I remembered you had said something before about liking Chinese food so I got us some lo mein, fried rice, and generals chicken.” You finished, a giddy smile on your face as Katsuki watched you search through the bag of food. He gazed at you, watching as your mouth moved a mile a minute, an amused grin on his face.

“-But anyways do you want-“

“Bakugo,” Katsuki said simply, watching your face twist in confusion.

“What?” You asked curiously as the blond scoffed a laugh, reaching for the bag of food.

“Bakugo…my names Bakugo..” you stared at the blond with wide eyes, you couldn’t stop the giddy smile that crept on your face even if you tried as you nodded, biting your lip.

“Bakugo…”

_____________

“Why are you still on campus for the holidays? Does your family live around here?” You asked absentmindedly, eyes focused on the cheap chopsticks that were slightly splintered. There was a small silence in the air, causing you to look up curiously at bakugo. He was leaning on his hand, a small frown on his face as he childishly picked at his food.

“Could ask you the same question.” He cut off, his retort rendering you wide-eyed, as katsuki mentally applauded himself for deflecting the uncomfy question.

“Well…money’s tight right now….I live off-campus, I have books I need to pay, extra courses I need to take…I wouldn’t be able to afford to see my family…” you answered, katsuki couldn’t quite place the emotion on your face. If he had to guess he’d say you had a look of content, acceptance almost.

“Why not ask your old folks for cash or somethin’ “ he murmured, stuffing his face with an ample amount of overly greasy lo mein. You shrugged, leaning back onto the small wooden chair you were currently sitting in.

“Doesn’t feel right…they’ve done enough for me already…plus it’s only this time, I should be able to make it back home for spring break though” you said a matter of factly.

“What about here?” Bakugo pushed, raising an arched eyebrow as you mimicked his expression, head tilting in curiosity.

“What about here?” You parroted only for katsuki to click his tongue in annoyance, irritation bubbling in his eyes.

“Ya work here right?” Katsuki replied obviously, as he watched you chuckle a bit, your nose scrunching up as your giggles reverberated throughout the library.

“I’m just a shitty fucking replacement remember?” You giggled, watching as Bakugos face morphed from confusion to a bright cherry red.

“I said I was sorry didn’t I!?” He snapped back a bit louder than intended, the obvious hints of embarrassment lacing through his voice as the tips of his ears burned crimson.

“I’m fucking with you-” you gasped through giggles as bakugo sneered at you, averting his eyes in embarrassment as you began to calm down your laughing fit. There was another brief silence that encased the room, comfortable and warm.

“….you should stay..” katsuki murmured through the silence, his eyes briefly cutting up to you before averting his gaze quickly as you turned to him a little stunned.

“Finally warming up to me huh?” You teased as the blond finally looked at you. No sneer or glare present in his face, only the aloof emotionless expression you’ve gotten used to and the smallest semblance of a grin.

“Yeah…something like that.”

____________________________

“Let’s take a walk.” Was the first thing Bakugo had said to you the very next day. At first, you laughed, not taking his outlandish request seriously, only for the blond to sneer at you, asking the question once again with an array of colorful words.

“Bakugo I’m in the middle of working..” you replied slowly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“You dumbass who else is in here besides me and you? You’re like a fucking hermit crab in this damn dusty place” katsuki replied, watching you as you weighed your options. You finally looked at the blond, a sigh falling from your lips as you rolled your eyes, grabbing your coat.

“Fine; but if something goes down while I’m gone I’m blaming you.” You warned eyes narrowed on the blond as he rolled his eyes waving you off.

“Whatever. Hurry the hell up before I change my mind.” He snipped, hastily walking back out into the snowy terrain. You followed closely beside the blond, hands dug deep in the pockets of your coat teeth clattering due to the chill.

“Can't believe I'm out here in below-freezing weather..” you whined as katsuki looked at you. Katsuki had grown to accept his attraction to you a couple of weeks ago. You were pretty; no…that wasn’t it. You were gorgeous, beautiful warm; the embodiment of everything he wasn’t. He couldn’t quite figure you out; curious as to how you were able to handle him, like a flame to wicker. You were all smiles, pretty lashes, soft lips, horrendous boasts of laughter; it made him feel warm and gooey; like honey stuck to the bottom of a teacup. He hated it. He hated how, in such a short amount of time you managed to wiggle your way into his life, sticking to him like a stubborn stain.

“You wanna celebrate Christmas with me?” You asked curiously, eyes staring at nothing in particular as you continued your pace. Katsuki raised an eyebrow, silence taking over as you finally looked up.

“-if you’re staying on campus I mean…I…I really don’t want to be alone this year” you chuckled nervously, scratching your cheek as you tried to bury yourself deeper into your coat.

“I could be a serial killer,” Katsuki replied, staring at you intently before you smiled, bright and amused.

“I would guess that if you were a serial killer, you would’ve already killed me considering how easily I seem to annoy you.” You smiled as katsuki scoffed shaking his head.

“What’s in it for me?”

“You speak as though celebrating Christmas is a chore.” You hummed.

“I’m not getting you anything,” Katsuki said simply as you shrugged, unbothered by the blond's apprehension.

“S’okay…I’m not asking you to” you chuckled as Bakugo rolled his eyes shaking his head, mumbling something incoherent under his breath. A comfortable silence elapsed the two, until katsuki finally spoke up, the gnawing question he had festering in the back of his throat.

“Why?” He whispered, the word being lost among the snowfall as you looked at him momentarily.

“Why what?” You hummed, as you watched Bakugos face turn a deep red.

“Why do you wanna celebrate Christmas with me?” He answered rather quickly, as you averted your gaze, pondering the question momentarily before smiling softly.

“I like you Bakugo.”