#i joke about how much i hate him alot but thats not true

[gh0stj0y]

javert is just so compelling like the simple facts of his childhood bring so much nuance to his actions and beliefs like you just want to know more about him from the minute hugo introduces him as a dog-son of a wolf UGH i adore his character so so so much

[thedumestflower]

(DONT READ THIS ITS BAD)Boyfreinds webcomic criticism/rant

TLDR; boyfriends webtoon is lame and mid because its kinda icky and the writing sucks

Okay so yall hae heard about the boyfriends webtoon comic, and imma talk about why i personally dislike it

(DISCLAIMER: I MEAN NO HATE TO THIS WEBCOMIC OF ITS FANS, IF YOU LIKE IT , THAT VALID, IF YOU DONT LIKE IT, THATS ALSO VALID)

okay so the first main reason to why i dont like this webcomic is that, its well... icky,, niot exactly cringe (i mean yeah it is a little bit "cringe" but i think it just aged poorly, with it being made in early 2020) , but just, a little gross to me. Like the whole thing where the character nerd acts innocent but is actually a pervert, also the fact that hes 19 with the others are like, 20 and older, idk man just feels kind gross. also the fact that the charater goth keeps getting s3xualized even though hes asexual, with things like suggestive scenes to an actual fucking nsfw comic with him and nerd with, holy shit dude, the creator has stated hes a huge flirt but dosent like the s3x, but like, bro??????thats kinda gross to me to see a asexual character that keeps getting sexualized, and yeah asexual ppl can have the s3x but , it still rubs me the wrong way.

and the second reason i dont like this is because its fucking boring as sin to me. OK , ok , hear me out, webcomic being simply not my cup of tea isnt the only reason i think its mid, i also think the writing could be alot better, let me explain.

So the comic, the very beginning of the comic , it just starts out , literally with prep saying (im gonna be paraphrasing here for comedy but you get the pitcure) "omg im so over being single i want boyfren" and goth being like " haha, im gonna get boyfren befor you with my epic gamer rizz" and the nerd just fucking trips and falls, right infront of them, goth helps him up and they talk and make plans for shit. Now, notice how we get no fucking introduction? i mean, we get character cards for them but i think if you can do basic writing, and a simple, "oh im prep and im goth and we go 2 collage , and prep is singl and pathetic , but incredibly oblivious to goth crushing on him for like fuckn whatever years hes been doing this shit" ,like bro its that fucking simple, without setting up a basic background , we have no clue who these characters are and why we should care about them, we jut know that goth get bitches and prep doesn't(at the beginning of the series).

I also feel like more time should have been spent on the boys individual relationships BEFORE they become a official couple and not after , and to the comics credit, they kind do, but they fail to make me care because , again, no character introductions except for those character cards, witch don't really do much for the reader expect give us there name, age, and majors, witch also could have been told to us, along with more infromation about the character like, basic backstory and scene with a simple character introduction at the beginning.

Another problem within this problem is the characters themselves, you see, my problem is that they're stereotypes, witch, isn't bad, as long as its done well. But the creator doesn't do anything really interesting with them, no subversions of expectations , hell, its hard to even call them true to their original stereotypes, yeah prep is enough like a prep and sure i guess jock is enough like a jock, but goth isnt really even,, goth like, i mean character design wise, (im not a big fan of the gothy character stereotype where their just , edgey and shit) , i mean , if you go on Pinterest and type in "gothic aesthetic" you'd get somthing alot more like fancy suits and dresses and abandoned churches, not my immortal draco malfoy.(im sorry ill never make that joke ever again) . also the fact the nerd isnt even that much of a nerd, where the epic gamer shit, where the dnd handbooks, where the info dumping about your favorite obscure pieces of media? the most nerd shit that hes into is problem k-pop, or animal crossing, which, honestly to me, isnt really nerdy , . fucking hell, i mean jock isnt even a fucking himbo, like THE DUMB JOCK STERYOTYPE IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE THATS SUCH A MISSED OPPERTUNITY. So for me, either go big or go home

haha so yeah, thats why i dont like this webcomic, and my criticisms, if you agree with me, thats fine, if you dont agree with me and just want your silly brainrot pastel gays, thats also fine, i dont realy care if you like the webcomic or not.

But if you wish the boyfriends webcomic did something more interesting and cool with theyre characters and wish for a more "dramatic" story, with cool character designs and interesting and dynamics and also was made by someone who shouldn't really be making romance media and is not qualified to do this because they are aro ace but is really into shipping culture, well i do have an idea for a remake of it with all the things listed above, i might make a askblog for it teehee,

well thanks for reading and wasting your fuckn time on this earth

[academicweaponintraining]

ermm what the flip dude!! um yea so im starting this blog bc 2 of my friends have blogs but im too lazy to do coding stuff so im just gonna have a tumblr :3 anyway today was actually fun because m wasnt here today so i didnt have to sit with her! lunch was actually pretty fun today bc d sat with me since her table was full, and then k and z sat with us too bc mrs w is SO strict during lunch for literally no reason.. d and me talked for the whole time but k and z mainly just talked with themselves, but they talked to me a couple of times. i literally DONT know what to do bc i can not sit with m for the rest of the year. its so boring everyday. and literally no one gets that i cant just leave her, because she would be sitting all alone! like i cant just leave her to sit alone. p doesnt get it, every time i say something about not being able to leave her shes like "just leave anyway, its not your responsibility to sit with her" and i guess thats true but I WOULD STILL FEEL BAD!!11!!!!1!

tw sewer slide

ok im literally SO scared bc i just read a's blog and (1) she relapsed again and (2) shes seriously thinking of k ing herself. i LITERALLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. because even if i wanted to tell someone who would i tell? the school counselor would probably just call her parents and im not doing that to a, her parents are like bad... but if i dont tell someone its basically my fault if she goes through with doing it. Ughhh i wish there was some way to make her life better because i just care abt her alot. genuinely dont know how i would be able to live without her, shes like the only good thing abt school. i dont know what to do because i care about her so much and i realy really dont want her to go but at the same time i just want her to be free of everything shes going through. but that makes it sound liike i dont care if she does it?? and i do!!! UGHHH I HATE THIS dude. i wish i could make eveyrhting better but i cant.

end of tw i just dont want to think abt this

bruh i wish one of my friends would update their blogs bc i think a is mad at me bc i didnt talk to her for some of the time we were at a basketball game. dude i dont know why but im so paranoid all the time that my friends are talking abt me. like im scared of a and s's messages because what if theytalk about me. ughhhhhhhh. lemme talk about something bc i dont get why its annoying me. so bascially this girl in my grade, she has like so many guys who like her and shes already gone out with a guy in our grade. and theres another guy who likes her and she likes him back and i dont know why but it makes me pissed. idk why cuz i dont have a crush on either of them.. idk i dont want to be mean but its so annoying how many people like her. like i know if i was pretty like her people would like me more. that reminds me earlier i was talking to d about how i better glow up this summer ( i HAVE to you dont get it) and she said that she would bully me into it if i wanted her to. she was joking but likeee maybe ill take her up on that offer. not literally bc i dont want my head shoved dwn the toilet ro something but i wanna ask her what i can do to be prettier. d is a very no bs girl so i feel like shell tell me the truth and she wont be like "nooo ur so pretty stop". i feel like some girls would def do that. honestly though my main problems i dont think can actually be solved, but here are my issues:

fat face

bad jawline

thin lips

gappy teeth

glasses

assymetrriacal eyes

yea i can only really change the bad jawline one...

anyway this blog was prob speled really badly and i should go to sclepp. bye blog:3

[a-wild-things-rambles]

hi the post above finaly got me to wright down alot of my thoughts to do with john and the community's hes been part of and how that affects him [through my eyes as a younger person in alot of the same community's, looking at the people who have lead similar lives- minus the occult stuff[mostly]] its long but there is a tldr

[for context my tags on the post: #especialy “John wouldn’t probably own a bisexual flag ever or have any pride memorabilia”#that really made something click im my mind for john#alot of they way i approach john is through the lens of an old punk#idk how to explain but you have these people that are subtely off from the norm but normal people cant quite put a finger on#and you could never tell from looking that they say go to all the protests and riots and sing for the tories to die#theres people who wear it proudly#and people who hide it because of others reactions#or just cause its personal and not strangers buisness#i feel john grew up with people having enough reasons to put him down. hes not handing them more#but also theres a difference between pride in part of your identity and showing other ppl and strangers it#some stuff is very personal- im p out and proud queer but there are some other apects of my identity that im very proud of#but dont want to shout from the rooftops#cause its personal#and i think thats how john feels about his bisexuality#its part of him and i dont think he hates it#but its just. a part of him#sorry for the long tags tldr your right and i hadent thought about it like that but it makes alot of sense#john constantine]

I always feel it’s important to look at the character and the history, and not ascribe newer ideas and things to older characters- i think there is a lot of value in looking at how john would approach it differently than lot of people now- especially looking through the groups has been part of, the people I know like john [northern, working class, dysfunctional family situations, bounced around alternative groups and subcultures] sexuality isn’t really a big thing? people are accepting of queer people but. it’s just not a thing that’s announced, gender roles are being broken by most people anyway and there’s just this acceptance and disregard of labels that tends to come from being in the mixed community of all types of people who have all had millions of different labels - I found out that two of the people I consider my aunts are both bisexual cause my mum was joking about how they can pick anyone but neither have had a long term relationship. it’s just so casual, you love who you love, and you are who you are and it’s not really anyone’s business- i found out an old friend of both my parents was a trans woman- unfortunately I never met her before she passed- but I wasn’t told until years after I came out as trans because it wasn’t a big thing, just one part of the identity of an old friend. I think it’s hard for a lot of queer people to see someone talk about 'oh we don’t care about the labels' and how it’s not that important, but the way it is now and was seems to be the true ideal of that idea- no one cares about the labels- if they turn you down they turn you down, if they correct the pronouns they have corrected the pronouns, "be who you wanna be do who you wanna do". You’re the captain of your fate.

I mentioned bouncing around groups and labels, and it’s something I see a lot of irl and very much informs my view of john, I am part of a community of people who have all been through different subcultures and groups- rude boys and metalheads and hippies and punks and travellers- all having stood against the mainstream but found no one label fits them. most of the people I have met at the gatherings have very complex identities- rude boy to punk to post punk- hippie to punk and so on, the mixing and combining of subcultures to make something that’s the best of all the things you love and are- I know we talk a lot with john about him being punk/expunk- but he was a hippie for a while and has been part of many subcultures- to view him as a binary- punk and then post that, seems reductive- I know these days people have ideas more solid borders on subcultures, you’re a punk or a goth, rude boy or hippie- disregarding the long history of people being part of both or multiple groups- and the groups that form from those overlaps. so yea I think it important to acknowledge that john has been part of many subcultures and that informs him- especially the identity issues due to not being wholly one thing, it’s why my community is great- no one is simple, it always a mix- folk and punk, ska and folk, dub sets played on fiddles and banjos- it’s about celebrating our defences, and coming together in our differences to appreciate and celebrate the complexities and contradictions of others, and the things that come from that. one love and all that.

we are the sum of our experiences- and we should celebrate that!

but it comes to a point where you get tired of breaking down all the influences and your just you. are you punk? are you buy? are you a rude boy/girl? are you gender queer? you get tired of the labels and boxes and are just you- after all YOU are the sum of your experiences. other people can look at you and try an analyze you but that’s their thing- your you and the labels that used to matter don’t as much- your comfortable being you, you like some of the music some people do and some music others do- you dress like this but also like that. labels and trying to be a certain thing can get tiring, it’s easier to just be you. it’s a long road to get there- and a hard one to- but as much as I revel in being part of a group of people with the same experiences as me- it can get tiring having the only parts of my identity they engage with be the part we share- god knows I’ve made lots of friends through queer solidarity but sometimes I want to be me not the labels, to be looked at in three dimensions, its why there is a community of people whose best answer to most questions is 'it’s complicated'

ok that ran away from me but that’s why I think johns identity is complex and his queerness isn’t a big thing he shows of.

tldr: often people who go from subculture to subculture trying to find something that fits them get to old and tired to make themselves into the latest thing and no longer can be asked to care about labels and end up content being them and if u wanna try and break them down into all the separate identities then that’s your thing but it’s a bit weird mate. And that’s why I agree that johns not loud about his bisexuality.

[firstkokon0is]

good 4 u chifuyu x f!reader

summary: you liked mikey since you saw him, and chifuyu your bestie knows about it but the thing is he also has feelings for you, what is he gnna do? keep on supporting you for mikey or tell his feelings

w: swearings, lil bit of angst but fluff in the end

“y/n, y/n!! oh man ur spacing out again” takemichi throws a little tantrum because you’re not being responsive

you cant focus well, mikey is just close by, with draken as usual.

god what should i do, i wouldn’t ran away again like the last time he approached me

you mentally panicked as mikey slowly approaching your way making every second slow for you

and its like…..

just like….

“yo! takemichy where ya going after school hmm??” with that your whole moment was destroyed, mikey just passed you by like you weren’t even there

im cursing you hanagaki takemichi who do you think you are!! what even are you and why you attach these people so muchh!!

those words of yours for takemichi never came out, he didn’t know that he’s being curse by now just because of mikey.

“oi y/n we need to go to chifuyu he’s taking us to baji-san’s place we’re gonna eat yakisoba” you didn’t even realize that mikey already left, you simply agree and followed him to chifuyu’s

you guys arrived on chifuyu and baji laughing at something, even tho they’re aware of you presences, you sat down beside chifuyu and takemichi sat down beside baji.

“woah you didn’t bring hina?” chifuyu started

“no she said she got a lot of assignments so…” takemichi replied

“whatta great boyfriend bruh, cant wait to be like this in the future” baji laughed

“yeah me too, well y/n why so quiet today huh” chifuyu turned his attention to you

“today sucks, fuck takemichi” you replied with a pout, then chifuyu looked at takemichi like he did something so bad

“tell me y/n did takemichi hit you?” chifuyu asked seriously while takemichi is quacking, scared as shit with a mix of confusion because, how did he made you feel bad

“nope, mikey ignored me for him, its my moment then he’s there im jealous why do you attach good looking boys so much takemichi, thats sus” you complained

“takeeemichiii sussyyy little bakaaa” said the very great troll baji, trying to make the situation more funnier, you laugh at his comment then imitates the among us theme as baji do the same

“nah seriously because takemichi attached me too” chifuyu suddenly commented, really making the situation into something funny

“ayo?” you and baji said in unison, looking at him while takemichi is just done, just fucking done

you guys walk and talk about some random shit, some teas about the famous people in your school until you guys arrived baji’s place, he’s home alone today so he invited you guys and eat yakisoba

chifuyu once again realized how quiet you are today, aside from earlier when you’re joking about among us with baji.

“you must be thinking alot about mikey-kun huh” chifuyu said, leaning his face on his palm and a small smile on his face

as much as he’s happy that you’re happy about mikey, the way when you see a glance of mikey you will smile, your smile is different with mikey, your smile reach heaven when its mikey.

but he also hates, when you’re realizing that mikey is not really interested, when you’re realizing you dont have a single chance, its just when you’re realizing, and someone like mikey wont give you the time and affection that you expected, while he, chifuyu himself can give you everything

but you wont even look at him

“yeah…” you responded thats it for both of you, you immediately changed the topic then baji and takemichi joined in the conversation, until you guys call it a day.

chifuyu offered to walk you home because its kinda dark now outside, plus some gangs might pull up randomly then beat you up for no reason

well that didn’t really happen, what im saying is when there’s chifuyu by your side that’s impossible.

“hey chifuyu…….lets say you like someone….even for you is it possible to like someone else? like you know they dont like you but are you gonna settle for that forever until they pick you because there’s no choice?”

that question hit him like a truck, he doesn’t know what to say, what to answer. especially you’re the one who asked him which made it so hard for him because its you, the one he likes but doesn’t like him back because there’s someone more better than him

“the fuck is that question” chifuyu said along with a chuckle trying to brush the question off, but he was responded with a silence, you were really serious about the question he thought.

“well uh….yes? but no too, because when u really like someone and you’re addicted to them, you tend to look fo them in a another person then lose feelings for them when you find something that isn’t similar to the person that you’re into”

he paused when you suddenly took his hand to go in the playground, both of you sat on a swing and you gave him a hum signaling that he can keep going

“so thats that, but being the second choice for the someone that i like is not bad…..yet heartbreaking because she cant get what she wanted, while i get what i wanted but not as i expected to be, y/n i dont wanna be a second choice my love is true its just i am not mike-” he was driven by his own words and emotions, didn’t even realize what he had said

he quickly turned his gaze to you with widen eyes, while you just look up the sky while smiling

“i see chifuyu……so you like me” you said

there are now tears building on chifuyu’s eyelids, until fat tears dropped down his cheeks, he doesn’t want you to know how he felt about you….because you will change

“okay, i’ve made my decision i am banned to say no to you chifuyu, but you need to prove me that you’re better than mikey, prove me that you can and will treat me right than mikey ”

you get off the swing and stand up, saying those words while looking at his teary yet shocked eyes

“good 4 you chifuyu, i am the one that you liked, i am not giving this opportunity just because i pity you, i am doing this because i know deep in my soul that you’re gonna treat me right, so prove it”

after those words a strong air blew that wiped chifuyu’s tears off his eyes, then he smirked also standing up and looked at you deep in the eyes

“y/n…..i just know you wont last long” he teased

“oh look who’s full of himself right now, just crying earlier because he accidentally confessed” you teased back earning a laugh from him

maybe he’s right, its the first time in a while that you didn’t think of mikey, just chifuyu

and maybe he’s right too, because by just the difference between him and mikey you know who to choose.

chifuyu.

[halo-slime]

I hate how much people misinterpret cTechno.

"He never loses" yeah thats the point, for now.

CTechno has the self-awareness of a character like deadpool [with his 4th wall breaks] but the ego of a character like mcu!Tony Stark and theres a pretty good reason for that.

The amount of times people whe have fed into cTechnos delusion of grandure, treating him like a sudo god, someone above any law, the true bringer of justice, ect is alot if you think about it.

And with every one of thoes remarks it slowly builds up to a massive fall, a grand colapse of everything ctechno ever knew, loved and believed [with him most definitely losing a life to someone who would be considered weak]

And yes it may sound cliché but if you really think about it, that fall will most likely change all the characters perspective.

They all watched cDream fall, someone who was nutritious for being strong, but someone who'd they definitely expected at some point to fall

What about cTechno?

No one ever expects him to die, no one expects him to fall. Everyone fears him and knows hes to strong to deal with.

Wouldn't the fall of someone who is said to be the strongest make you rethink everything youd ever thought about how power works.

Also im sorry but cc!Techno is an English major, I dont think hed purposeful make a marry-sue if it wasn't for either complete jokes [which at this point his character does have an extremely serious part to play] or to be completely dramatic when everything goes south for the character

[boysl0vingboys]

EPISODE TEN THOUGHT PROCESS!! (alot of swearing!)

1/4

This is gonna hurt like a mother fcker

Ink x Paa in the recap.... hmmmm....

You two better learn how ot lie quick-

Did you just try to go back in the room?

Paa and Pat with the sibling signals

TELL HIM THE TRUTH!

NOT THAT ONE!

the father was too stunned to speak

Look at Pat smile!

garbage bin make their return!

Yes you are! so behave like adults!

HOLY SHITE HE ACTUALLY DID IT!

Save him? What he going to get shot too? Pretend it drown?

Stop acting cute! the neighbours have eyes!

nevermind, so does he!

And he does not give a shit!

Cuddling?

No, okay then?

Ohhhh, what is it? Something cute to do with them? PLEASE!

He tucked the doll in!

Is he activitely dodging people?

Time to test my theory I suppose...

Joke.... A person's name is Joke.... okay,

PRANINLOVE!!!!!!

Pran smile!

Pran's cockiness!

HEAD OVER HEELS!

fist bumps are now for the gays!

-what the hell are you eating? Is that a pancake?

Korn!!!!

Nooooo~ don't leave!

Tortilla?

YOU'RE BACK!!!

PAt arm so casually, like that!!!

Pran, you're nonan is showing-

did he just acccidentally hit him with the pancake?

Wai! Leave her alone!

I am with Korn-

Parn, you traitor!

Korn is the only true- Boy, your crush is showing.

INk! Of course it is Ink! You blind PANSEXUAL!!!!

Himbo boyfriends

Hello again, Don't snitch!

So, the family hate each other enough to lie together?... Interesting, but we knew that.

Look at those dimple

And their smiles,

The cannot even stand straight!

All gays eventually end up in a rainbow shirt, and here Pran is proving that fact.

2/4

Yes, ink did.

She is busy with her future wife.

Speaking of her future wife, look at the two of them!

Don't you to ruin this for us!

Pat and Pran, you fcking traitors!

ooooooh, ink don't like you.

ewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewewwwwwwwwww yuck!

she isn't dating anyone, she is married!

Ink! Throw! Hands!

So, Wai has the group brain cell today, I see.

Huh? Answer?

Don't avoid that question!

Paa!

All gay eventually end up in a rainbow shirt

CHALLENGE HIM!

THATS MY HIMBO!

Last time you two looked for something together, Pat broke it, remember?

Baby photos?

Beauty Queen? Of what? Satan's cage?

But hopefully this means bisexual moms theory is a thing!

Quiet? He was just shot remember?

No goodbye kisses?

3/4

oooohhhhhhhhhhhh, their high school!

i love the fact he always wears the case!

FLASHBACKS!!!!!

he was always looking cause you were always in trouble... obviously!

you cannot convince me the teacher didn't predict this! look at her face when pat said that.

ew, yuck, no,

am I suppose to know these little ones?

nevermind, they're little pat and pran

liar, liar, pants on fire!

but look at their arms

shit is about to get real adorable and I am about to loose my mind, i do not apologize.

LOOK AT PAT's SMILE!

LOOK

AT

IT!!!!

AND HIS RUNNING!

100% Pran liked Pat first!

'girls look quite simialr' bro, really?

couple that suspect together stay together

...

they made it straight

i love this siblingship

SHE FINALLY ADMITED IT!

PAA and PRAN OUT HERE ENDING THE BLOODLINE

you basically telling your brother you have the same taste in women...

'... but the sister can.'

His face and laugh of not caring !

tellhertellhertellhertellhertellhertellher!

no, paa don;t get the wrong idea!!!!!

paa communicate! PLEASE!

aaaaand kiss!

or break my heart instead!

paa cannot cry, if paa cries, I will weep as well

AND PUT MY HEART BACK TOGETHER AGAIN ALL OVER WITH TAPE AND TOO MUCH LOVE!

sister my ass

OHMY FUCKING HELL JESUS!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

(I am going to malifunction for a minute, I literally slammed against a wall because of those two)

Pat, no, ew, you really want to think about making out with your brother! ewwww

here comes his dad in 3... 2... .1.....

I SHOULD NOT BE THIS STRESSED!

Everything is about to be exposed and I am here for it.

4/4

deeeeeep breaths...

boy, fuck off

YOU DID NOT JUST HIT MY CHILD!!!

FUCK YOU!

Pat, the fuck!

Holy SHITE!

Pran face!

You should have talked to him first!

BUT HOLY SHITE! HE ACTUALLY TOLD HIM!

nooo, pran, i understand you're upset but don't do this...

THAT"S RIGHT PAT STAND UP TO YOUR DAD!

Pran, just turn around, trust me, just go

pran, just go... or turn okay then,

this gonna be blood bath,

.........................

are you fcking kidding me?

one more person puts hands on my child I will kill them

dont go barge into peoples houses!

evil things? I am intergued

I KNEW IT!

i still don't like her but it's making more sense

can you go find your boyfriend please?

i cannot handle these siblings crying!!!!!

Pat! just go find your damn boyfriend!

stop making him cry!!!!!!!!!

i'm fine

emotionally damaged but fine

i just wanted a cute beach vacation! I didn't need all this! heart break.

oh look, here's ink x paa getting together and oh whats that? HEART SHATTERING BULLSHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't get my vacay until next week? ... Assholes.

i did not register any of that trailer... fck everything!

[mojwisungie]

imgn | Restart (enemy to lover! jisung)

req (from: anon) ➥ :  hi, i really like your writings and! if its ok, can i request a jisung x reader enemies to lovers headcannon? jisung is always teasing and trying to beat the reader at everything and one day he was teasing her and she had enough of it that shouted at him and cried infront of alot of students, and this shocks everybody since the reader is always calm and soft spoken:( the ending can be up to you!💚

☄︎ with: park jisung ☄︎ lou.note: omg. i did not intend to write so much for this like idk i got carried away and i think its too long 😶 added the bonus part for context lol enjoy !!

your life is pretty sweet

honestly, you dont think of changing any aspect of it

youre good in school too

you have decent grades, great friends

but there is one thing that bothers you often

actually, one person

and its park jisung

and its not that you arent nice or something, bc everyone practically treats you as a friend actually 

and you dont hate him, bc thats such a strong word

but you dont exactly like him either

he pushes all your buttons

and usually you’d laugh it off

youre used to joking around with people and youre not that sensitive

but jisung... man does that boy have the  a u d a c i t y

you havent talked to him even once before he teased you for having a lower grade than him

so when he did that, you only smiled since it really wasnt that much of an insult to you

but then it got more frequent 

he would often poke at you for doing the most basic things

you get a score a point lower than his again? you’ll hear his snarky remark about it the second he knows about it

you got elected as an officer in the class? of course he’ll say youre such a darling

you dropped a pen? there will be a quiet under-the-breath “clumsy” as soon as you pick it up

he also has this weird habit of scoffing whenever you outdo him

bc he scoffed when you perfected that presentation in dance class AND when you also got a higher grade than him on another

all these mockery is always rewarded by only an eye roll for you

since causing a scene isnt like you so you often

and somehow in some way, you hope he’ll back off

but one particular day, you were really having not such a good time

you were almost late bc you almost forgot your due project

which caused you to walk back to your house and also caused you to miss the bus so you had to walk

the moment you enter the class, jisung’s eyes is already on you

you actually prayed for him to shut it bc you’d usually hear something from him the moment you step in the class

you thought you were safe

but when you sat on your seat, he said, “you look worse today y/n, and thats not nice bc you look awful everyday, dont you thi-”

you startle him as you loudly tell him to shut up

followed with “i dont know what ive done for you to make fun of me everyday, cant you just leave me alone?!”

you didnt know you were crying until one tear fell on your cheek

some of your friends tried to help calm you down immediately and ask if you were okay, while some tried to confront jisung if he has any problem with you

he couldnt answer them he’s so shocked to see you cry

before he could apologize, your teacher enters the class prompting you to wipe the tears away and tell your friends that youre fine

from the way that you look, everyone knows you arent but lets you be as the class starts

the day goes by surprisingly well for you after that

what you didnt know was everyone was trying to not let jisung get close to you bc he might make you cry again

but jisung feels so guilty :( he wants to say sorry before this day ends

or else it might be too late for him to tell you the truth

so at dismissal, he waits for you by the gates bc he knows you stay in the library for a few before going home

on your way out, he tries to stop you and says

“hi y/n, uhm, i-im sorry for today, i didnt know you were going to cry.. actually i didnt know i was going too far with the teasi-”

you cut him off saying “oh uhm, its fine. dont worry about it. i know you dont like me so-”

“what? no, its not that i dont like you! i actually- uh- i mean-”

you dont really know whats he’s pointing so you wait for him to find the right words to tell you

a few more seconds pass and he goes

“i dont dont like you... i actually like you. its just someone told me that maybe if i tease you, we’d grow close and it was partially true because you'd only notice me when i do so.”

he continues with “i know it’s too much for me to ask since ive hurt you, and im really sorry for doing that but i hope you could give me a chance. i hope we could...restart?”

seeing the incomprehensible look (for jisung) on your face, he stutters with saying how its totally fine if you dont want to and he’d be okay to distance himself from you

but you answer him with

“sure. i’d love to restart with you.”

and from then on, it would only be love from him to you

bonus:

you know who actually told jisung to tease his crush?

chenle. he’s his bestfriend who told him to do it so he’ll have a chance with you

the moment he heads home, he doesnt go to his house, he goes marching to chenle’s

he greets his friend with a punch on the arm

chenle shouts in pain and asks “what the hell is that for?!”

so jisung answers him “your dumb plan made them cry! and i had to say sorry and tell them how i really feel about them all in one day”

and chenle bites back with “you mean my smart idea made you confess and have a chance with her? youre welcome”

they talk about what happened for a while until jisung asks him if knows what good gift he should give you

so expect to receive a cute (and kinda expensive) necklace the next day lol

also expect for more adorable gifts and heart-melting moments as you and jisung get together for the years that’ll come

[char-lotteral]

I agree with Kishimoto never trying to use the girls. The hate they get is not fair. I used to defend Sakura back in the days because I hoped kishi would do her justice. When shippuden started I WAS SO HAPPY because I thought this was the start of something great for Sakura and the girls but NOOOOO. Every time, Sasuke showed kishi turned her brainless. If you compare Naruto's actions and Sakura's actions to sasuke, you'd see they're completely different. What's up with that weird fake love confession scene 😭? It makes her look like she was manipulating Naru. JEEZ.

Also he literally had badass Tenten and Temari with cool useful abilities and he didn't use them ?! TF ?! Thank god for modern authors who treat their characters with respect :)

okay2 you know how i am with these longass rants so click readmore and brace yourselves

The way I see it, Sakura's character development in shippuden was always one step forward, two steps back. She gets this really badass scene (like her fight with Sasori and those cool ass medical skills) but is then regressed back into a pining girl in love every time Sauce is on screen or Kishi just throws her in the background YET AGAIN.

I love Sakura's abilities actually. Her brute strength, intelligence, vast knowledge and skill as a medic nin. But what I dislike about her character is how kishi handled her feelings for Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura's obsession with Sasuke was so???? huh??? it was so damn toxic and i never once understood why both Nardo and Sak were so obsessed with him. They were a team for one year???? I mean its great that they care about him alot but Sauce's feelings were kinda valid. His freakin clan died. Id go batshit crazy against my own village too. BUT BESIDES THAT. Both Nart and Sakura's Sasuke obsession was so annoying. 80% of shippuden was literally Keeping up with the Uchihas or Naruto yelling SASUKEH. BUT what irks me so much is the fandom's double standards with both Naruto and Sakura. "Oh Sakura shouldve gotten over her Sasuke obsession" but then turn around and call Naruto's obsession cute and gush about how he's so in love with him!!

Hot take but the only reason why sasunaru is "the most developed ship with the most chemistry" is because theyre both male characters.

I guarantee you if Naruto was a girl and SHE would be the one to have this unhealthy obsession who was chasing around Sasuke, the fandom would shit on Naruto just as much. And if Sasuke were a girl, Sauce would be sidelined like the rest of the female cast and Naruto would have another male character to have a "brotherly bond" with, because thats the only bond Kishimoto is actually good at developing. Yey for male characters having all the screentime and cool assets <333

And about that confession scene, I get her intentions. I really do. I understand that she did that in order to bring him home and that she cares about him but honey, w-why?? Why lie to him about your feelings?? Supposed he DID believe her, then what? then what kishi???? huh??? Some of her fans point the blame on Sai or whatever but I personally dont see why that scene was at all necessary. Maybe to establish Naruto's feelings for her wasnt all that serious? or his maturity? idk man. That scene was such a clusterfuck.

In the end her development in The Last and in Boruto was immaculate. She had one of the best glow ups in the old gen and ironically enough, her character wasn't butchered in Boruto. She got badass scenes she was cheated from in shippuden. I also love how she's finally getting the spotlight she deserves. Unlike the other konoha 12 :,)))

Okay onto the next female character that Kishi completely wasted. My baby. My light. 🙈 AAAHHH HINATAA.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN OKAY2 DEEP BREATHS.

Let me just establish this real quick. Hinata's goal was to get stronger because of Naruto, her goal was never to be with Naruto. She wanted to become someone who is worthy enough to stand beside him, someone whom he can consider as an equal, as a partner. She NEVER once said "marrying Naruto-kun is my all time goal UwU" (if youre one of those weirdos who interpret her character that way, youre immediately invalid, go take a hike)

I personally dont have anything against their crushes but to the point of making their personalities revolve around these guys every time theyre onscreen is so fucking frustrating. And with the way he writes their dialogues is so.damn.cringey. Like that one scene in the war arc with Tsunade and Madara

"I mAy bE a WomAn but I aM nOt WeAAKKKK"

BAAHAHAAHHA WHAT?? Everyone else gets coolass monologues and one liners but thats the best you can come up with Kishi?????? Hilarious.

If im being honest. Hinata's character is actually kinda well written. Not well executed. Dear God no. But with the way he set her story, her personality, her chracterization. She's honestly one of the best written female characters on the show. IMO. By Kishi's standards of writing women ofc. She's hands down one of the most complex characters. Her shy personality wasnt out of the blue, it wasnt a cutesy waifu trait. Her abusive upbringing made her that way. Her trauma turned her that way. So yeah, sue her if she looked up to Naruto as an inspiration when everyone else in her family treated her like dust. Shit on her for having Naruto's love light in her dark when her own damn father wouldnt even look her in the eye and her entire clan shunned her because she was "weak." She doesnt owe her family shit so idgaf what they do with the Hyuga clan. Neji and Hanabi aren't included btw

Im not gonna deny that her role in the show was only as the love interest but tbh for a love interest, Im glad her character wasnt so one dimensional. It just pains me SO MUCHHH how fucking wasted she is. Every time she's with Naruto, they always make her into a damsel in distress. They always feel the need to turn Naruto into the heroic prince. How cute.

LIKE THAT ONE SCENE IN THE LAST WHERE SHE'S THROWN IN THE CAGE?? WHY??? LET NARUTO AND HINA FIGHT THAT FREAKING ALIEN GOD TOGETHER. QUIT WITH THE TOXIC MASCULINITY. WE GET IT. NARUTO'S STRONG. GOOD FOR HIM. NOW LETS SEE HINATA THROW HANDS AND PUT NARUTO IN THE CAGE GODAMMIT

Hnggggg dont get me started with her role in Boruto. She's as relevant as a damn houseplant in the manga. They made her into an invisible trophy wife and "the mc's mother" and we all KNOW what happens to the shounen mc's mother once mc is in need of character development :) Quit putting her in the background. Give us that scene where she won against Hanabi DESPITE being retired for years. Give us that scene where she trains Boruto. GIVE US ANY FIGHT SCENE OF HER WHERE HER POTENTIAL ISNT WASTED WTF?¿

Now if you say that Hinata didnt have development. YOURE INVALID. She came from an abusive household, the shyest girl in her class, her insecurities got in the way of her own confidence, had difficulty of standing up for herself now became a loving mother of two, has the guts to kick her husband out of the house(with whom she couldnt even keep eye contact with when she was a kid) became the strongest hyuga, most supportive wife and mother, and has given her kids the comforting childhood she never had as a kid.

She has one of the most beautiful stories in the show and if you think her personality is only Naruto-kun and big boobs, then im sorry that you cant appreciate such a heartwarming story.

And I agree, killing her would honestly make me feel more at ease than continue to see her suffer because of godawful misogynistic writers. But at least let her die in an epic fight. Please. PLEASEE. She got nerfed so bad, i feel a physical pain every time i think about it

Okay what else. I think Ino got pretty good development. Another wasted potential in shippuden but she's doing good for herself in Boruto. I dont know what Temari is up to. They basically made her into another classic angry mom who beats up her husband for comedy trope. Haha very funny and original! Im not sure with her career, im not that invested in the anime.

Tenten??

oh G O D Tenten. The dirtiest of all. Her jokes about her screentime is so mean and i hate that its true ahsjhs. She was the only female character in OG who's goal wanted to be as strong as Tsunade but what did Kishi do to her?? Sidelined. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Like every damn female on the show :D

Konan shouldnt have died. I blame plot armor. I know in my heart that Konan wouldve kicked Obito's ass if it weren't for Kishi's boomer mindset.

Tsunade had so much hype when she was introduced but died down in the war arc. Madara wiped the floor with the kages. Holy shit. Not only that, but yipee! Naruto is there to save the day AGAIN!!!!

AND UGHHHH If the female characters were given proper treatment then maybe MAYBE all the endgame couples wouldve made fucking sense????¿¿¿

I think that ends my rant. Im not sure how the female characters in Boruto are handled. Except maybe Sarada (she's pretty well executed in the manga imo). But arguably they are sooo much better handled in Boruto than how the old gen girls were. And thats because Kishi isnt anywhere near the new gen female cast. I cant formulate a solid opinion with the other new gen female cast since im not entirely invested in the anime. Not ashamed to admit that I only watch it for the sunshine moments and for Hinata :DD

[knicole0527]

How Did I Fall For Unwritten History?

So I’m in a whole relationship right? Like a whole fat ass relationship. Like me plus her equals nobody else . Its kinda dope and kinda like coccaine . If she was a drug I’d take it . She grounds me . She makes love to my mind , heart , and then my body . Her way of words sometimes makes me feel stupid because she uses words I cant imagine using . My vocabulary aint that big . But ask me about math or science ? I’m definitely ya girl . She was my missing piece . If that makes any sense at all . We definitely have our rollercoasters but I’ll killl anyone over her and I stand on that . Best part its with who I chose and not who my parents chose or approved of. I actually dont care whether they approve of me or not. Mom didnt want kids anyways. As she put it, she likes “ a return to sender kid “ I know she used to joke about it but I later found it to be true. So at this point either you like my happiness or you dont. But anyways, So we met the first time at work, Afni Call Center to be exact. She was a bet. By bet I mean with green money with coworkers. So I bet that I would get smashed by this girl and they would each owe me 50 bucks. I mean who can turn down money. Plus she was kinda cute and I know she was watching my little booty when I would walk away . I was 80 pounds lighter when we first met .

But here lately things have gone to shit . I can admit I fucked up . Well in the beginning . I cheated . She found out . But I was honestly gone tell her everything but she found out I broke her heart all that and then some . Since I put all my business out there . Only reason why I cheated was because I wanted a kid . I wanted her for sure but I wanted a kid . As time passed us by I realized she doesn’t want kids at all . So I had to make a decision , kids or stick around for my one true love in my adult life . So I looked her in the face , I probably had tears In my eyes and told her I chose her . She looked at me with confusion for a little and I dont think she anted me to flat out give up kids. But I was gone doe what I had to do to keep her by my side .

Now before we get to me cheating . I had an apartment on Old Morgantown Road . I loved that damn space man . Hard wood flooring . Storage unit . I had a w/d hook up . I had a good apartment and I could afford it and be able to live my best life . Rent was 475 a month . Utilities and water ran me about 80 . So I was well within my budget . But my dumb ass got involved with this man who I thought I could change . I was trying to hear from nobody about nothing . I wasnt trying to hear that he was cheating because I felt like I gave him no reason to cheat . I was giving him everything and then some . Hell I let his stupid ass cousin stay on my couch . So they were living rent free right , I know stupid Kendra always doing dumb shit . I should have opened my eyes but I didn’t .

Well he and I are definitely no longer together . He got my little cousin pregnant . I dont know whats worse . That she knew he was still living with me . That she knew we was kin . That he knew we was still together , fucking and living together and I never ask for a dollar . Or that my bosses had to call me in the office with another one of my cousins and sit me down to tell and show me that he was cheating and she was pregnant . It even shocked me that she tried to question me about my niggas car . Like girl he and I live together so yes maam I’m gone drive his car . and she was in shock to see me in the drivers seat . huh . Aint that funny how it all played out though ? But you know , karma got took his dick for a minute . He got the worst news of his life . His heart was just as shattered as mine . His trust was screwed if not worse than mine . He found out that while he was too busy cheating on me , she was getting knocked down by his cousin . LMFAO SERIOUSLY . He did all that cheating and got that girl pregnant and ended up getting played himself . So while I was his woman , he had a side bitch who had a side nigga , but THE SIDE NIGGA HAD A SIDE BITCH . I hadnt had sex with him in a while because things started getting to me and I was becoming very suspicious so I was still going to get checked anyways . But yea . What a fckd up love hexagon . Crazy how we all worked together . But when I reached my snapping point . I became a little on the ratchet side and called his mom and told her come get her sons belongings because he was homeless again . My cousin didnt have her own spot so somebody had to come take care of him because by that time I was done pretending .

Shit got bad for me mentally . I had me fckd up . I lost my job and went broke because I drank and popped it away . I know definitely wasn’t the right thing but I just wanted to feel numb to everything . I didnt really care how I got high just as long as I as high I was okay and at peace .

Alot of time went by and my past came back . She made me feel safe . And she saw me ; like the actual me . She knew something was up . Hell I gained 50 pounds since the last time we seen each other . But when she came back . I dont know if I was more so excited to see her or trying to fuck her right there on the floor at work . I walked in the door and the moment I seen her ... I didnt care who I was talking to , I think Wanda , I’m sorry boo but I seen my old boo and just had to do it . I could not help myself I had to hug her before I did anything else . I had a little more weight on me too because during our last encounter , hmm hmm , I was a bit smaller and hadnt grown boobs yet . So when she seen me running 90 mph to her ; baby girl was in for a shock .

Time went by and we started seeing each other a little more outside of work . Then she started to spend the night . But when she started doing that , I think I made things a little complicated for her at her moms . I had no intentions of doing so but it kinda got weird because she wasnt coming home very much any more . But yall , when I had her all to myself . Do you know how many times I undressed this girl with my eyes . I mean she standing there fully clothed and I seen EVERY INCH of her thru them clothes . It was bad yall . lol . She kinda eventually sorda moved in ; even though I thought she had already moved in . Time went by and things were okay ya know . We were just in the “ talking “ phase and just filling each other out . She started to grow on me a little more than I planned . and then I wanna say it was my birthday or after ? Baby girl was so drunk . She , our mutual friend , and I went to go grab food and drinks . Weeellllllll , I trapped her into drinking and drinking and drinking . We got home ? and she drank and and got funnier as the night went on . I remember that day like it was yesterday and the videos I have are absolutely the funniest videos I have ever recorded . “ butt clouds “ and the car honk that about gave her a damn heart attack .

Anywho times have went on . We decided to go to hilltop and live there . Who would have thought we would live together because I was stern on not wanting to live with her . It was weird living there . Always wondering if or when we were going to get a roommate . Then ? Thats the first time I ever broke a heart . See , she was always wanting to like distinguish a title. Meanwhile I am petrified of titles and labels and shit . Plus I have labeled myself for so long I didnt want to put a label on she and I . So I waited and waited and waited and decided to test waters . By testing waters meaning , I caught baby fever BAD . LIKE BAD BAD . I wanted a kid so bad I didnt think about talking to her first , I was just hoping one day I could be like , surprise baby we are having a baby ; butttttt I was gonna tell her how I got pregnant IF if actually happened . But she kinda beat me to it . She seen the messages on her tablet and as you know it went to shit from there . I broke her heart . I wasnt sure if or when she would or could ever forgive me . ( its JAn232021 ) and I know she still hasn’t forgiven me for anything . Not sure if she will ever get past it enough to love me love me .

We made it official , May 2019. By that time the only things that mattered to me were building a life with her. Come August 2020 . We got a place together and as time went on, I knew something was wrong but I would rather ignore it than have to go to the doctor because that just aint my cup of tea. I hate doctors.. they always wanna diagnose people with shit. I just didn’t wanna be one of those people so I held out as long as I could before it got to the point of being unbearable . I lost yet another good job . At first they thought it was covid and it wasnt . I tested negative for covid . Then I had like 5 appointments that following week . I was put on all types of stuff . I was throwing up everything . I was crying non stop . I was doing things not in my normal regimen . Thats when things fell harder on her . Harder as in bills , and stress and everything . I became that burden . I became the thing in the relationship that puts everything on the line . I became the complete failure in the relationship .

I wasn’t able to help like I planned . in fact my checks were so small that every pay day because I had all my bills and people I owed money to on auto pay and I kept making promises, put me in the negatives . I was in the negatives for 3 to 4 months . So imagine being the one in the relationship who didnt feel welcome . Who didnt feel like I deserved the love and things like that . All I wanted to do was help out and I couldn’t . Made me want to pack up and wait until I knew she was gone so I could leave . I didn’t know what to do . But I knew I was pretty much of no use . I knew that she resented me . I knew it pushed things back so far it may never come back to normal .

But now , Im better than I was still struggling though .  But I have this amazing job . I have a job where I can do my part and not hurt . I have a job where I can finally help out now . But its not enough . I’m not enough . The love is not enough anymore . I have became disposable . I have become the one who broke and shattered her heart and trust in her adult love life . How do I come back from it ? How do I rescue something that may have already died ? Am I worth it ? Am I better off without ? Do I deserve her ? She deserves the world and I want to give it to her I do .

But idk , maybe my mom was right . just maybe the only things I’m good at are singing and laying on my back . Havent accomplished shit yet . Got banned from a job because I tried to put my hands on someone . Got fired from 3 good fucking jobs because of my health .

Im crashing at this point . My future is on edge . I am on edge . this is not cool dude . But I will play the hand I’m dealt . Maybe I will win and marry the woMAN of my dreams . Or maybe I will just fck it up once again . We Will See .

[sofie-the-witch]

This is a storey about kindness that tought me alot and one i will NEVER forget. but I just wanna give a major trigger warning: mental illness, drugs, psychosis, abuse and internalized homo/transphobia and related suicidal thoughts.

When i was 16, i was dealing with a lot of harsh things, and i was what you would call "slightly problematic child" i was filled with rage and sadness, i had only a few good freinds and i HATED being told what to do. Im middle school i was bullied and physically abused alot by the other girls and their boys, and this left a lasting impression in the form of the word GAY in my brain. I also grew up with an unstable farther who couldn't control himself because he was sick and the medication made him agressive and angry (hes great now btw, love him to the moon and back❤) and because my household was also quite controlling i was happy that i was able to attend "efterskole" when i was done i public school, which is like college but one year and mostly for fun.

So i lived on campus at the time and i was struggeling to cope with my adhd, i was using drugs to try and cope with my depression.

One night at a freinds place i suffered a drug endused psychotic seizure. The seizure and the worst part of the psycosis lasted 12 hours but the psychotic state lasted almost three months. I stayed silent about it because i didn't wanna be sent home or shamed for my drug abuse. I wasn't unbarable to be fair but i was hallucinating mildly most of the time. My mind was breaking down and i started to spiral.

I entered a major depression before the psychotics was over and went on with my one year of freedom as a broken wreak, still smiling and laughing but drinking heavily to cope when nobody was looking.

One night as i sat alone in my bed and i had run out of vodka the night prior, my head started racing with memories of things i had repressed. My head was beating my ass with repressed memories. It was all flooding in.

That boy who asked me if i was a boy or a girl.

The time i cought myself thinking that i wanted a handbag i jealousy of the other girls.

The first boy i was in love with but had to make a joke out of to be around him.

The fact that even though i hated most people alot ofcause the one i hated the most was myself.

I was gay (trans as it turns out) and i didn't wanna be alive if that was the case.

I was debating it with myself and without even realizing i had grabbed my phone. In a moment of clarity i went to facebook and asked for somebody to talk to beleving nobody would come.

Ten minutes passed and I was going to kill myself then and there, but then sombody knocked on my door.

I knew her name and we hung out in circles that often passed by each other but i had never really talked much to her other than freindly pleasantries. But she was there in the door looking at me sitting there on the bed red in the face and crying my eyes out. She knew what was happening before seeing me it seemed.

She sat down next to me and gave me a hug and just told me that it was all gonna be alright. I was hysterical at this point but she just told me the same again, and again and again.

If it hadn't been for her id be dead. This kindness and warmth from what was essentially a stranger was something i had NEVER felt before.

I have never felt so vounarble and lost and she came to my rescue even though she had NO obligation to.

This kindness is the most influential thing thats ever happend to me, it showed me that i was worthwhile i a way that i couldn't see myself at the time.

And i hope she knows what she did that night, because she saved my life.

And the rest of my year btdubz.

In a small gesture she showed me the value of pure vounarble connection, and with out that i would not be who i am today. Because id still be pretending that i was a man.

Bumped into her a few years back at a park were students often come to drink, and we talkied about school and all the lovely stuff that had happened seince then. I never propperly thanked her but hell i dont even know how i would if i had the chance to!

So yeah thats a story right there of the time were imlearned the true value of kindness.

[ouchmaster6000]

RE that zim/anpanman post - while Anpanman doesn't get as dark in tone, Baikinman regularly tries to kill people and has done things like tear pages out of an anthropomorphic book and make food-based characters spoil and rot. Not as gruesome as doing it to "real people" characters but that's not the point really; the idea behind it is still there, so Japanese kids are just very accustomed to an alien being that sadistic within the context of their series

First of all, I should point out I agree that Japanese kids are probably used to seeing more intense stuff on TV than american ones. Alot of shows like Yu-Gi-Oh, One Piece, Digimon and even Pokemon occasionally are known for having stuff edited out of the english dub. A pretty decent number of shonen series just flat out get marketed to an older audience in the states (stuff for kids in japan being aimed at middle schoolers here, stuff for teens being aimed at adults etc.)

Hell, I’m fairly certain Dragon Ball Z and Tenchi Muyo probably would have been marketed to adults in the US if it came out today too (Former for the violence, latter for the sexual stuff) and only got away with as much they did because they were on cable, and the idea that kids anime could appeal to adults simply hadn’t occurred to most western producers at that point.

I just…. Dont really think Anpanman is a good example of this? I also dont agree with the original poster’s Zim comparison. Granted, I suppose I probably should watch the show, but from everything I have seen of it, such as discussions on Bogleech’s website, it doesn’t seem that much edgier than standard kids show? Definitely a bit weirder and more violent than most preschool shows in the states, but overall, I doesn’t sound like Baikinman is much worse the your average kids cartoon villain.

I mean for starters, its pretty standard in kids media for killing and mutilating for non-human characters to be allowed, especially if said characters don’t have blood or flesh.

The obvious example is robots. Star Wars, Transformers, Doctor Who, Superman, Green Lantern, Teen Titans, Xiaolin Showdown, Age of Ultron,  - There are way too many shows, comics and movies to list that eithor aimed at kids or families, that have robots and cyborgs being torn apart in ways that would be pretty graphic if it happened to humans or animals.

Digimon is a related example - The only reason the franchise is allowed to have as much death as it does is because 99% of the fatalities happen to digital lifeforms that dissolve into pixels upon death.

Hell one of my favorite movies as a child was the original Toy Story, and all the scenes where Sid was mutilating and blowing up his toys would have gotten a hard R rating if he was doing it to people. I’ve heard a lot of people compare Sid to Dr. Frankenstein, but with toys, but at least Dr. Frankenstein used parts that were already dead (as opposed to tearing/cutting apart still living people) and put them together in a shape roughly resembling a human. Really, Sid’s toys are less Frankenstein and more human centipede.

I also remember Fosters Home for Imaginary friends having a similar reoccuring theme of “food friends” meeting a worse fate than Anpanman. This included half eaten, traumatized anthropomorphic food dreamed up by kids in stuck in fat camp, or a talking pizza dreamed up by the bully character and eaten and killed just seconds after being “born”

So, although obviously dark comedy, Baikinman doing those things isn’t really anything new for childrens media. Neither, is trying to kill someone, since a lot of cartoon villains have made serious attempts to kill people, they just never succeed.

But Zim successfully mutilating and removing the organs and body parts of human children is definitely not normal for a kids show.

Another issue I took with Revretch’s post was that she wasn’t just talking about Zim the character, she seemed to me to be claiming that “Invader Zim” the TV series wouldn’t be seen as edgy just because the main character is similar to Baikenman… but thats not really how it works? You can’t necessarily tell the tone of a show, just from the nature of its protagnist.

Like, by that logic, Courage the Cowardly Dog should be one of the most light hearted and kid friendly shows out there, but in actuality the world he inhabits is much, much darker, scarier and more surreal than Courage himself is.

Its true that, though the writers/network let Zim do much worse stuff on screen, there are plenty of other childrens cartoon characters whose personality is pretty similar to Zim, or whom are a lot creepier and more threatening. Mojo Jojo and HIM from the powerpuff girls are good examples of both of these, respectively. 

In fact, Powerpuff Girls, Xiaolin Showdown, Codename: Kids Next Door, Danny Phantom and plenty of other childrens cartoons all have both villains that are similar to Zim, and villains that are considerably more evil, creepy or serious than Zim ever was, but the tone of these shows, overall, is a relatively more optimistic one, where the main protagonists have more or less happy lives and good always triumphs over evil in the end.

Hell, even Gravity Falls, with its use of creepy horror imagery, occasional forays into adult humor, and having one of the most infamous big bads in childrens animation (and easily my favorite from the last 10 years) remains a fairly optimistic show at its core, about family and summer adventures.

This is not the case with Invader Zim, which is a show where humans as a species are portrayed as so comically stupid and mean spirited that, even if Zim somehow successfully killed or enslaved them all, it probably wouldn’t come across as a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

A show where the Irkens are depicted both commiting genocide, and electrocuting a disobedient slave on screen, and whose society is such a dystopia they are forced to udergo intense military training from birth and generally assigned roles for life based on genetics.

A show where the elementary skool is portrayed as a collection of all the absolute worst aspects of public school, both in terms of how its run, and how the kids treat each other, exaggerated to an absurd degree.

A show where a reoccurring joke character is a homeless man, who got taken advantage by a fast food chain, paid in free pizza and a room in the back of a resturant, became morbidly obese (Yes, this is Bloaty’s canon origin story) and was last seen in the original show sobbing uncontrollably because he hates his life.

Also, although this was obviously changed significantly in the comics and the Enter the Florpus special, in regards to what was portrayed in the original show, its really not difficult to make the argument Dib’s own dad and sister don’t give a shit whether or not he lives or dies.

Of course, this was all done for very dark laughs, as well as to create a setting that was just the right balance of humor and nihilism that the viewer could choose to either root for, laugh at or sympathize with either Zim or Dib without really worrying about the actual moral implications of either sides goals.

I’m not saying Zim is the edgiest show out there, comedic or otherwise. With stuff like Warhammer, Berserk, Venture Bros, Metalocalypse and all manner of gritty 90s anihero comics, Zims pretty light hearted and goofy in comparison.

But for childrens animation? Aside from some of the 90’s “grossout” cartoons like Ren & Stimpy and Cow & Chicken (which varied a lot in quality, imo) I can’t really think of any others that come close (Maaaaybe Billy & Mandy, but I think its too tonally inconsistant, with a lot of episodes being pretty standard cartoon slapstick.)

Wow, I sure did type a lot. Sorry about that. But Invader Zim is one of my all time favorite shows, and fictional villains one of my favorite topics, so I feel like I have a lot to say about them.

[mariisauruslove]

Here's a tbh if you ever come across this

I think about you a lot, quite often actually. The feelings i shared are in fact real. I hate that i cant talk to you or that we dont talk, but i know its for the best.

What i posted in my snap does not pertain to you at all, mon chéri. You were an amazing thing i had, but because i respect you, i didnt want you to deal with the toxicity that i currently am. But also, im reflecting on my past relationships and i dont think you understand that. I would mold myself to what people wanted. I would make myself into something else just so i could be loved. I lost who i am for people. And now im finding myself. So yes, theres a lot to me that needs to grow.

Saying "So i dont know how to say this, but out of respect for you, i am. I have been trying to analyze my actions after my whole fiasco and i find that i need time to myself to improve. I need time to grow and process a better thinking. I also feel i need to focus on my education. Therefore, i do not want to waste your time. I think you're a great person, but i just need to work on myself. Thank you for everything, though."

Was in fact true. Im very naive, impulsive, and irrational. I have been spiraling out of control before you came along. You ask me to look in the mirror, and i have many many times. You can think about all the things im probably doing but honestly im not. I feel too much with you still. And you can question why I'd leave something as great as you behind. The answer is simple. I wasnt ready to recieve it. I wasnt ready because i have this incoherent mindset that does not work in my favor. I let people walk over me, i let things slide, for fucks sake, i was in an abusive relationship just over a year and a half ago. Like i need time to heal. I need time to grow. As much as i wanted you, i needed to focus on myself and I'm sorry it hurt. I knew it did. It hurts me too. It was really difficult for me, but i had to.

But at the same time, you dont tell me about you. Like i didnt understand why you wouldnt tell me your middle name. Like im not stupid. You dont just forget your middle name. Did you do something that you dont want me to know about? If so, just be upfront. Id rather you tell me than keep me in the dark. But also you wouldnt tell me where you grew up or your life. Like you dont just forget that. I moved around alot too but i remember every single city, school and place i lived. Ill admit, my roommate did help me see that this probably isnt safe. I told her about you and what you do. I told her about a concern i did have with you about you being in "a group" a long time ago, but even then what ensures my safety? What if they try finding you or finding a way to hurt you and they hurt me? I can't live in fear like that. If we were to have kids, what would ensure their safety?

Her father is in a gang so she understands that its not easy to get out of. She told me its not the kind of future i want. Even though you might be a changed man, your past haunts you. But even then, you belittle me before you can understand the whole story. You say remarks like "you must be new around here" and idk what else. I dont deserve to be belittled. Even if you were sick.

And then its not only that. I was seeing how i was willing to risk my sanity to help you find yours. I'm not a rehabilitation center and i shouldnt be one to fix you. You should be able to do that on your own. Go to therapy if you need it. I know you never asked for it, but thats what i mean. I shouldnt be this way. I shouldnt have this mentality. I've always been this mom kind of girlfriend and i shouldn't be. I need time to mature and change the way I am. I need to be okay on my own, completely happy with who i am and what i do before looking for the love of my life.

And i feel thats why God isn't putting him in my path yet. He knows i need time to mend myself and find my inner happiness.

But i wonder what made me cross paths with you. The reality is, i feel god wanted you to see that you are deserving of love and happiness. Why you pushed him away? You feel that you got the short end of the stick? Listen, god gives you everything at the right time. If its not now, you just wait. God has a plan and you need to trust him. God knows what he's doing. You will get what you deserve in time. If im honest, i feel thats why we did cross paths. So i can tell you that you are not your past or your mistakes. You are an amazing, kind-hearted person that has a lot of personal issues you need to go through. And not around. Or put them on the side. You need to go through it and face it. I feel that the day you do it and mend yourself is the day god will give you what you've been hoping for.

I wish i could give you more, but its not my place. I need to focus on myself, but thank you for crossing my way. I loved every moment we spent together, and every smile you gave me. I loved our deep conversations, our weird jokes and every time you took my hand. I loved being with you. But its not my place. Please never lose hope and find your happiness. I really sincerely hope the best for you. You deserve the world, Leo. You really do. You deserve so much love and happiness and i hope you find it someday. Thank you for being a part of my life, even if it was brief. Just thank you for everything.

~Mari 💛

[ravenaveira]

OK I just need to go off about KH3 again

Im sorry your probably gonna be seeing alot of these posts because I am friggin PISSED and no Im not saying this ONE THING ruined the game for me or that the game is bad thats not my intention I personally gave the game a 8.9 so clearly I enjoyed it I just didnt enjoy THIS shit

The romance between Sora and Kairi omg its just SO BAD it makes my danm blood boil because it didnt HAVE to be this bad but you wanna know why it was so bad this game and worse than any other game in the franchise?

Because Kairi was off the island

You heard me right, Kairi being off the island and put onto the battlefield destroyed this relationship for good and turned it into the biggest friggin joke its ever been when before there were actually some decent moments between them but this? this was downright laughable and so forced it felt like Sora was being held hostage and forced to say and do the BS that he was and it just felt uncomfortable to watch

Like him saying ‘Im strong with you Kairi’ which apparently in JPN he said ‘your strong Kairi’ which somehow makes it better to some people but bruh both are equally bad and equally laughable because neither of them are true

Kairi’s not strong and never has been, Kairi is just a love interest and has never been anything else from the moment she was introduced all she was is Sora’s love interest and that was literally all there was and all there still is to her character

Oh well without Kairi Sora wouldnt be alive she was the only thing keeping him tethered to the real world and lit his way back

So tf what? she deserves a friggin medal because she ‘believed’ ? dont make me laugh, wow Kairi’s one big moment of use was just ‘believeing’ in Sora which literally every single other character does but when Kairi does it suddenly its the biggest contribution anyone could give her because thats literally ALL she did so yea bravo Kairi, you believed

And then everybody proceeded to nearly get bodied all over again xD nice save Kairi, you literally almost made everyone die TWICE

Know who ACTUALLY did something to stop it a second time? Namine, Lingering will, The past keyblade masters, Yen Sid, those are the ones who actually DID something that made a difference and ACTUALLY kept them alive this time

Kairi literally barely kept him alive, brought him back to the light, just for him to nearly die all over again and her whole role ends up being a total failure that changed NOTHING

So yeah congratulations, her biggest moment amounted to nothing

Oh and dont get me started on that stupid hug Sora gave Kairi when she was about to get struck down by Terranort

Bruh dont give me that ‘he was moving too fast’ or some crap like that so he only had time to do that, BULLSHIT did you SEE how fast Aqua came at Riku in the ROD? Sora managed to get between them and shield Riku with his keyblade in literal seconds, but with Kairi he just hugs her?

You see now why I say this ship is laughable in this game and forced af? that made no danm sense, even if he would of pushed her out of the way it would of made more sense then just friggin hugging her as if thats really gonna stop anything

Bruh Sora and Riku had a more believable romantic moment in that entire ROD moment with Riku saying Sora’s name and then Sora appears to help him save the day and they summon a friggin rainbow keyblade, and then Aqua is about to friggin body Riku with literally only seconds to react Sora manages to protect him

Now I’ve seen people try to argue well everybody really was useless or needed saving in this game so its not just Kairi

BULLSHIT and lemme tell you why

Yea its true people like Riku and Mickey who are far more experienced still struggled and needed saving but guess what? they were DOING something, they held their own they didnt just friggin stand there they put up a danm fight and DID something that actually CONTRIBUTED

I mean bruh Riku and Mickey were literally fighting by themselves at the end of the game against THREE PEOPLE, again BY THEMSELVES holdin their own while everybody else had atleast 1 person helpin them, Aqua with Ventus and Kairi with Lea but Riku and Mickey? solo and doin the danm thing idc if they eventually get defeated or knocked out or struggle alot the point is their DOING something or atleast friggin TRIED to do something

Aqua gets roasted alot too but we’ve seen what she can do in BBS, she held her own and even fought and beat Vanitas, again even if she eventually was defeated or knocked out etc like her Vanitas fight in KH3 again she friggin TRIED and friggin DID something

Ventus got bodied but again we’ve seen what he could do in BBS and Ventus is no pushover, he unfroze himself with sheer will power and his glare was enough to give Xigbar [now Luxu] PTSD everytime he sees him or someone who reminds him of him, he too took on Vanitas and tied even though he didnt WIN he didnt lose either so his performance against Terranort in this game I agree was underwhelming but understandable given thats still his friend but he still did something in the end and wasnt totally useless

People raggin on Lea need to STOP because its thanks to him Kairi didnt get friggin smacked down early on because he took the danm hit for her and got sent flying instead of her defending her danm self

Keep in mind Kairi and Lea got the EXACT SAME TRAINING and even HE reacted with common sense but Kairi? even AFTER SEEING Lea get sent flying after defending her that STILL didnt make her defend herself and she just friggin STOOD THERE

Or how about when both Kairi and Sora got knocked back and Lea literally fought Saix and Xion and Xemnas BY HIMSELF to protect them

Gtf outta here man and put some respect on Leas name because he DANM sure deserves it for all the crap he took from Xemnas and the utter disrespect of having his keyblade I assume broken or damaged, being shot by multiple lasers AND having his hand stomped on by Xemnas this man was still TRYING even with all odds against him and being clearly outmatched he still TRIED

Meanwhile Kairi just gets her arm grabbed, I wanna make this very clear

She is not lifted off the ground like Sora was with young Xehanort, she was not pinned to the ground, she was not backed into a wall, she did not have both arms forced behind her back NO

Her feet are planted firmly on the ground, she has one arm being pulled above her head but she has another free arm which may not be her dominant arm but is still better than having none and she does NOTHING

She doesnt try to get her other arm free from him

She doesnt struggle or pull away from him

She doesnt try to turn around to lessen the pain of her arm being pulled behind her

She doesnt stomp on his foot to try and get him to loosen his grip on her to give her a chance to break free

Know who was in a similar situation and handled it way better with no battle experience?

So dont tell me it wasnt friggin possible for her to do anything in that situation because thats utter bullshit and you know it, Kairi didnt even STRUGGLE she didnt even TRY to get free

She used her free arm to reach out for Sora to ‘save’ her though, but not to even attempt to free herself

Yet THIS is who people are hoping is the main playable character next game to go rescue Sora?

Girl couldnt even save herself yet yall think she can rescue Sora? what a joke but unfortunately some people are actually serious about this and actually want a playable Kairi after this travesty of a performance

Before yall had good arguments, Kairi WAS inexperienced and she DIDNT have any battle training so she really COULDNT contribute or do much but that all changed in KH3, now she DOES have the SKILLS and the TRAINING and the means to be able to contribute and DO something and theres absolutely no more excuses why she shouldnt

Kairi says herself, this time I’ll fight too, this time its my turn to protect you

And when she fiiiiiiinally gets the chance to do all that, everything the fandom has wanted and waited years for her to finally be able to do, this is what she does

THIS is Kairi off the island, THIS is battle ready Kairi, THIS is Kairi DOING something and by doing something I mean NOTHING but getting in the way like Sora said years ago when he left her back on the island which now makes total sense because this is what happens when Kairi goes with Sora to the battlefield

Now we know what Kairi is truly capable of if you give her a weapon and the training to use it, absolutely nothing

And people actually want playable Kairi next game xD

Honestly I somewhat blame the fandom for this because I wouldnt be surprised if Nomura tried giving her a more active role because the fandom desperately wanted this for years and I guess this was his attempt at throwin them a bone but to be perfectly honest? he should have just left her ass on the island atleast then she had an EXCUSE to be useless but because he tried to give the people what they wanted and actually gave Kairi combat skills he just made Kairi 100% justifiably hateable now and I am so glad to see more people finally turn on this chick because the excuses for her has finally run out and its about danm time she got the hate she deserves because Sora deserved better

I think thats the part that hurts the most, I can accept Sora dying but its HOW he died that I cant accept and do you even need to guess how it was? thats right, saving Kairi

Seriously FDB

Listen Nomura, you tried and failed miserably, its time to stop, seriously, its time to stop, Kairi had her chance and she blew it and now its time to let it go and bench her ass on the island like you been doing out of everybodys danm way and leave the rescuing of Sora to Riku and everyone else who is actually of some danm use and knows wtf they are doing

Kairi can just stay on the island and ‘believe’ since thats apparently all shes good at doing, let her just ‘believe’ that Sora will come back while Riku and everyone else actually do the work of getting him back and she just be there to greet him when hes back

Im hoping the secret ending is hinting at us playing as Riku trying to save Sora because Im all for that, but if they really try to shoe horn playable Kairi in after all the negative reaction from this game Im not saying I wont play it but it will definitely make the game unenjoyable if majority of it has you playing as someone you strongly dislike instead of Riku whos actually a pretty popular and beloved character amongst majority of the fandom while Kairi is descending to one of the most disliked

So Im hoping Nomura has learned from this and just doesnt even try with Kairi anymore, just stop it

This game would have been so much better if he’d just manned up and took the risk and just abandoned Kairi in this game by letting her actually STAY dead and Sora accepts this and moves on [of course over time not instantly] but with the help of Riku and everyone else by his side Sora’s able to move forward and live on keeping Kairi in his heart forever and at the end instead of what we got hes just sitting on the beach watching the sunset while everyone else is playing and he takes out and looks at Kairi’s charm remembering how he didnt get to give it back to her this time but then all of a sudden a paopu fruit washes up near his feet which is unusual but he picks it up and as he does notices something in the distance but is blinded by the sun but he can vaguely see Kairi before she fades away, similar to how Axel saw Xion here

Lets say Kairi is holding the other paopu too, and once she disapears Sora cries for a moment but wipes them away and smiles knowing that Kairi’s still with him, he then proceeds to take a bite of the paopu fruit which would tie in perfectly with the title screen showing Sora with his back turned and a bite taken out of the paopu hes holding

This way Kairi’s importance to Sora is still in tact but shes no longer here to get in the way or need saving AGAIN, her character ends on a high note and Sora grows from the experience realizing that he cant save everybody no matter how hard he tries some people simply cannot be saved and he just has to let them go even if he doesnt want to

But nope, instead Sora dies saving Kairi like in KH1 and its just not sweet, its not even bittersweet, its more of a slap in the face than anything and Sora has zero growth from this, it just changed from Kairi needing saving to Sora needing saving and honestly we JUST saved everybody else and already we have to save ANOTHER person? its just ugh man I cant

Theres plenty more things I didnt like besides this but this is the one thing that pissed me off the most because I never expected it to be THIS bad

Also I know I use Sora and Riku as a comparison alot but that isnt because Im some salty Soriku shipper whos just mad my ship aint canon because honestly I dont give af when it comes to Kingdom hearts pairings I could literally care less about any of them hell Roxas could marry a tree for all I care or form a three way with Ven and Aqua I DONT CARE the only pairing I ever had a problem with is Sokai and thats because of my strong dislike for Kairi more so than the pairing itself and I think Sora deserves better than Kairi so this isnt just some bitter Soriku shipper because like I said I DONT care but I do somewhat ship Soriku, just like I somewhat ship Roxion and RokuNami and some older ships more out there like Sonami or Namitas etc no one cares but you get my point

I dont care about Kingdom hearts for the ships theres far more important things going on than to be worried about some stupid pairing, but Sokai just leaves a bad taste in my mouth everytime its even mentioned

And now no matter what they do with Kairi or Sokai in the future it wouldnt change a thing because after KH3 its irredeemable, the damage is done and theres no undoing it unless you give it one long ass arc like Riku to slowly redeem it but I doubt Nomura cares about the romance and Kairi enough to actually dedicate such an arc for it so yeah the damage is DONE

My bet for next games playable characters, Riku, Aqua, Roxas, Ventus, Xion, those are the only ones who make sense to me since they all have the strongest connection to Sora and are capable fighters and I feel Aqua although not having a strong connection to him like the others she would wanna repay Sora for saving her so thats my bet

If anyone bothered to read this whole thing then lemme know who do you thinks gonna be playable in the next game?

Also if you like Kairi and Sokai thats perfectly fine this isnt to bash the shippers or demanding you dislike it cuz hey to each their own, Im just saying I DONT

[dystopiandramaqueen]

You’ve mentioned your favorite toy before. What’s your second favorite toy? How many do you have? 😇❤️

Yes.

So my current favorite toy is Nick (the lifelike perfect phallus).

All time favorite / most used / life changing toy was Big Blue. *lifts black lace veil to dab tears away with black silk handkerchief* Let's take a moment to hold space for Blue. I hope he is at peace wherever he is, in this world or the next.

Second Favorite Toy rn: I'd have to say: any vibrator. I'm on pretty high dose SSRI's to keep me from killing myself or anyone else- and it makes it very hard to physically climax. Three things do it. Really nasty spanking porn, man sounds, and vibration. If I'm gonna edge, if I have a few hours to kill, I like my hitachi which plugs into the wall. That thing doesn't fuck around and it gets the job done. Problem is THAT MUCH vibration for that long is kind of numbing. So in a way, my bullet is the MVP- if I'm aiming to climax before the AA battery dies.

I have alot of toys. The things I get out when I want to play are:

Wrist Cuffs: good solid pair. I like velvet or fur lined thick ones that clip together. Having my wrists bound really enhances the feelings of helplessness and submission.

Butt Plugs of various sizes and shapes: glass and metal.

Lube

Impact Implements: really can't have too many laid out- erotic spanking is about changing up stimuli, implements, tempo, intensity to elicit pleasure. My favorites are the long handled bath brush, the double sided paddle, the paddle my partner made in his shop that I painted black and wrapped ribbons around the handle for sentimental value, I dont like the feel of it as much but jesus the idea of listening to your partner downstairs making something in their shop to beat your ass with..... LORD HAVE MERCY. I HATE canes, but theyre good for like- negotiations or lite punishment...I dont use belts it strikes irregularly/ asymmetrically and hurts too much on one side/ in one spot and not enough everywhere else.

Oil or lotion for massage to get things started

I like wearing high heels

But really- to get things going I just need to be spanked with someone's thigh between my legs so I can grind on it- and I will be dtf within a minute. I can't help it, it's my fetish, and it works like a charm. The rest is just icing on the cake. All I really need is a door that locks and a partner who knows I want them to slap my ass.

I'd meant to reply about finding quality toys. Appologize for not doing that sooner.

I like these sites:

Lovehoney.com

Adamandeve.com

Glass toys are easier to clean and there's something about the temperature options with glass I like- cool when you start, or you can warm it under running water.

I aim for the middle price range. Not the cheapest. Not the most expensive. That rule of thumb has done well for me.

To INTRODUCE a vanilla partner to your desires- I highly recommend writing it down- in a note or letter (true story thats how i did it with my partner), writing fic to explore your fantasies and letting your partner read it, showing them porn that "is what you want", or getting a deck of naughty cards- that's how we STARTED initially playing- "the card says I have to take you over my knee and spank you". You can go through the deck ahead of time and remove any you dont want to play, and add any you don't see in there. And the more you practice showing, telling, asking, listening, it gets easier I promise.

It's really important to listen, too.

My partner- actually was abused as a kid. When he was spanked by his parents it was... very traumatic. So I don't spank him, I don't joke about it. Bc it's not pleasurable. And he's also a huge feminist, who loves and respects me, so getting him to feel comfortable hitting me and roleplaying dominance took ALOT of conversations.

So my advice- write it down. Explore on your own, find what you like- and then share. Share your writing, share your porn favorites, watch it with them, then listen. Ask what they think, and see where things go.

This story: Undisclosed Desires: is pretty much my map. The spell I used to go from closet spanko to someone who gets what she wants when she asks for it. :)

Thanks for the question anon.

[teddy-feathers]

If you smack your child. Physically intimidate. Grab them too rough or force them to look at something physically...

You can't complain that they're not listening to you/ don't listen to you when you talk.

I just realized that despite appreciating every time my dad took the time to go over something and tell me what the fuck Id done wrong and why it was important - even if those were two to four hour lectures following loud rage tantrums on his part - the reason I did it again later, don't remeber what the hell we talked about, was basically zoning while trying to focus, have no clue days later about the whole thing is because

I'm waiting for the violence to start again.

I couldn't see/ find something obvious because I needed to keep my eyes and attention on him

I couldn't tell you what he was saying because even though he's speaking calmly now that doesnt take away from what happened earlier

I'm still upset about it even if I feel calm now or can laugh at jokes

Like it's not that talking didn't work with me - hell it worked really well just sometimes protecting myself meant choosing between "fuck ups" sometimes hoping you didn't get caught was the best you could do to deal with shit on your own.

Hell. Help has always seemed worse than doing it on my own BECAUSE help was so often treated like a punishment - sure my parents usually found out last minute but thats because I didnt want but was not allowed to refuse help ever.

I remeber distinctly in highschool my dad was reaching for something on a shelf while I was doing dishes - I saw him lift his hand out of the corner of my eye and flinched. He was very much I haven't smacked you upside the head in years - which looking back I dont know if thats true -

But it doesnt matter

You've trainned your kids into a threat response mindset.

It doesn't matter that it wasnt "hard" that I'm not hurt. Doesnt matter if grabbing my neck or shoulder and forcibly turning me to face whatever it was that I missed didn't hurt me. I was scared. I was upset. I wanted desperately to pacify you.

Kinda hard to focus on calm reasonable lectures after that so its not a big wonder that he had to repeat himself a lot when I was growing up

... My dad used to go on about how Id cry at the drop of a hat and make him the bad guy and...

I dont remember the exact science behind it but did you know your kids as infants all the way growing up largly adapt to you. They TRY and make it easier for you to take care of them. This breaks down into several... Parent handling traits. I think the acronym is SMART or something i only heard a little bit about it.

So like. I hated crying when upset but I did it alot. But I also could and can go from crying to laughing and totally "okay" five seconds later becauses not being okay was punished.

Not. Actually punished. Not grounded or yelled at. Just. Attitude, interpersonal conflict between parents, notice which made anxious....

Hell thinking about it - having Avpd is directly a response from my family. Both good and bad attention did not turn out ok it felt like.

Mom and dads arguments happened because of how dad acted but. Nobody likes screaming matches between parents. Violence can be words. And I was always good and understanding what they were fighting about and how itd circle back to me if it didnt start there.

I didn't get it exactly right. I knew mom would defend me to dad when I got in trouble only eventually that felt bad because I had done something wrong but that... Was never the issue. It was how my dad handled the situation.

And every argument came back to I was making the same mistakes or fuck ups telling the same lies whatever so obviously the only thing I "understood" was yelling and being spanked and smacks upside the head.

I didnt understand that. I just. Stopped doing anything besides reading. I was just cowed. I was afraid. And when you did speak instead of yelling or physical intimidation I was still afraid.

I wanted to listen but youd made it so I couldnt. I was a dumb kid and I learned a lot of my bad habits as a defense against you. Maybe I was a manipulative lying lazy child but I didn't make you the bad guy.

You saw your kid as a villain and then proceeded to treat them like one, make them into one, instead of dealing with your child as a child.

And you treated your wife like a child because she didnt agree with you, because if youte not going to be happy no matter what happens why not treat herself. If youre going to take away her right to make desicions by giving her like a child right and wrong answers she's not going to want to be invovled or participate or even bother trying to help you do responsible things and shes going to continue to do things to spite you.

You think youre being forced to be a bully. You think things are black and white and yours is the logical way and youre good at trapping people into either agreeing with you or being "wrong"

My Aunt and Dad are a lot a like and god almighty the Hyde family is fucked up.

They want to treat you like people but they dont know how and so they do this shit and still think theyre in the right. And we're judgmental as fuck and make our decision and expect the world to get in line.

Ffs I'm only now learning to shedd myself and my past I dont know how the fuck to help mom but looking back I can see she needs it now.