#i jest but honestly this story makes me very sad lol

[thewritingpossum]

Litterally how I imagine this scene tbh

[caterpellas]

munich nights • harry styles

summary: touring inseparably as best friends and musicians, yours and harry’s relationship takes a cruel turn in munich.

warnings: smut (oral m recieving) 

genre: bestfriend!harry, friends to lovers(?), angst, smut

pt 1/? (two is here)         word count: 4k

a/n: this is my first time writing in like a year so some feedback would be amazing, pls be kind and show some love to my crumby attempt lol

chapter playlist :D

harry.

he was sort of your anchor. unspoken, of course, that he had taken such a high profile role in your life. he didn’t need to know, to know. you were certain it worked in reverse, that you grounded him just like he did for you.

you’re not sure of the timestamp on the beginning of your friendship, sometime 3 years ago after mindlessly chatting in a shoreditch bar, at the sort of venue you were both cackling over after a couple of overpriced gin and tonics.

“i’m not sure why i came here, it really isn’t my scene,” you said after calming your laughter down.

“me neither. i’m not all that into £18 cocktails made with organic fruit juice,” he jested back, although you felt a hint of sadness in the next, “it makes me miss home.”

after that you clicked instantly.

you both bonded over being musicians; your styles contrasted entirely though. his band, who you met a few occasions later, were the antithesis to yours. mitch and sarah looked and sounded like they were fresh from a 70’s pop rock band, whilst your bassist and drummer, both twins, had buzzed heads and black dr martens on 24/7. the differences between you and him didn’t matter in the slightest. which is why, after 18 months of building the strongest friendship you’d had in your life, he asked you and your band to come on tour with him.

touring with your best friend and now biggest fan was the single greatest experience of your life. you would admit to the apprehension you first felt about opening for harry as your music wasn���t exactly in keeping with his genre- you were a little grungier then his soft style. i suppose the opposites between you is what enhanced everything about your relationship, musically and personally. in articles harry was always praised for his effeminate fashion choices, and since gaining some recognition as his opener, the articles were now mentioning how you dressed too, hyping up your more boyish, ‘can’t be bothered’ clothing taste you’d developed over your years in the band. your shoes were always chunky and platform, your top or bottoms usually oversized and always with the same thick chain around your neck. to some, your style seemed intimidating but it couldn’t be further from the truth. harry knew that best of all.

3 months into the tour now, you had made it to munich for the 1st night of your european portion of the tour. you and harry were sat next to one another on the plane, sharing an earpod each, playing music from your playlist titled “h”. you hadn’t been able to sleep on the overnight flight, after reading a particularly disturbing article about harry’s recent paparazzi shots. “harry styles’ player ways making a comeback?” it read, and pictured him with a couple models you’d met in new york together after going out for the night. you couldn’t place why but the article made you feel sick. you put it down to seeing such a close friend’s name slandered in the press, and you hoped he hadn’t read it yet. harry was often disheartened after reading the gossip people like to spread about him, occasionally involving you as well.

“you seem very deep in thought.” harry’s morning voice could be heard over the sound of steely dan in your ears. turning to him, one of his eye’s peering at you, you reply, “not really- just thinking about the set list.”

“you need to switch off your work brain sometimes,” he grins up at you, “have a little more fun! munich will be great, lots of beer to try.”

“of course that’s what you look forward to most. you know munich is filled with some beautiful architecture and history right?”

“that’s great and all, but you know what else they have?” harry questions you and you shake your head.

“oktoberfest.”

-

you arrived at your airbnb not long after- harry’s band and yours all preferred staying in a large house or apartment then some posh hotel that didn’t feel quite as welcoming. harry’s manager picked the place out, opting for a villa that sleeps 10 people, filled to the brim with oak panelling and a big fire place in the centre of the room. there was a hot tub outside that would probably never be used in your short stay there. the kitchen had a large island in the middle and a big aga keeping the place warm in the late september weather. his manager really outdid herself this time.

“this is place is so beautiful,” you still weren’t over all of the beautiful places this tour had taken you, the short time you’d been travelling had been a sensory overload.

“you’ll really like munich, y/n,” harry said yawning, grabbing both your shoulders from behind. his touch took your mind back to the article.

“harry,” you started, reluctantly turning to face him, “i know it’s none of my business who you, you know- fuck, but i was just wondering what happened with those models after i left?” harry’s calm expression never faltered as he answered, “me and camila kissed in the taxi but then i went back to the hotel. why?” you didn’t have the strength to answer honestly, and tell him it was because the thought of him having a threesome with two supermodels made you physically wretch, but you felt an obligation to give him a somewhat truthful answer.

“i saw an article about it, the paps caught a glimpse of it,” you white-lied. if you were going to be honest with yourself, the reason him with people like camila and gina bothered you so much is because of the way you compared yourself to them. you were overall confident, you were proud of your style and “gives no fucks” attitude you’d built up over the years, but these were literal models. women who were paid, like paid a lot, because they were beautiful. harry’s dating history has had a lot of women you could never measure up to be as good as and that was a real confidence breaker.

“well anyway, are you ready for tonight’s show? we were thinking it would be cool if you guys came on with us and...”

-

harry, as per usual, performed with all of his heart and soul and yet again amazed you. he had been doing this for three months, playing at least three shows a week and his energy levels were still unmatchable. you were back in your dressing room, taking off your stage clothes and putting on an almost identical outfit, wiping the sweat off your brow and upper lip. the monitor in your room played harry’s set, and you had to find any way you could to distract yourself from his performance before you ended up fantasising about the way his sweaty curls cling to his neck and how you wished he was sweating like that just for you, for an entirely different reason.

“thank you so much munich!” you hear harry’s accent through the small tv, and look up to see him panting and grinning, before running off stage. you had no idea why, but tonight there was a small amount of nervousness about you. since reading the article, you’ve had to address the gnawing idea that you could possibly have feelings for harry that were more than just your deep set friendship. would you act differently about the man you loved more than anyone in this world? you didn’t want things to change- they were perfect with him. he’d jest with you when you became too much of a perfectionist about your latest song, telling you to stop thinking so hard or you’ll have an aneurysm. if people commented on his style or yours, he’d laugh it off and tell everyone he’s “the woman in the relationship” sarcastically, and you’d be in awe at how he essentially said a huge “fuck you” to gender norms. he made you comfortable being you and you coveted his ability to be so happy being him. the thought of this bond being broken frightened you to your core. the knock at your door was a good signal for your thoughts to end.

“you coming y/n?” the group of you were all headed to a german beer bar, since harry was so eager to try the world famous pilsner. finding a large lounge space with sofas inside the bar, you all sat and ordered a round, celebrating a good night’s work.

“to the first night in europe,” you toasted, “cheers!” all your glasses clinked together and the nervous feeling started to fade finally. sat next to harry, you discussed the tour so far, he told a story about being in one direction and it reminded you of a hilarious story from when you were 15, when you used to listen to emo music and swore how much you hated one direction, and they all laughed at the irony. if you had told your 15 year old self this was where you’d be at 21, you’d have snorted and laughed till you cried. but life works out in strange ways and you wouldn’t change it for a second. a few drinks in and any of those nervous feelings about what harry was to you had evaporated like alcohol till you eventually had to remind yourself that whilst your hand was on harry’s knee, it meant nothing. and the way he leans forward to you as he laughed at your not-so-funny joke. but those reminders were getting weaker the more his touch started to linger after he went to go and grab his pint the same time you did.

“we really must stop meeting like this,” he jokes as your hand rubs against his for the 50th time that might and you laugh at him because your afraid if you don’t play it off as a joke you’ll lean over and kiss him. you find yourself in need of a distraction from his low buttoned shirt and endless black ink drawn across his chest that you can see in high definition when your this close to him.

“i’m going to get another round,” you exclaim dramatically, telling yourself more than the rest of the group. making your way over to the bar, you can feel harry’s vision bearing into your back as you lean against the counter to get service.

“another round of pilsners on the table’s tab please,” you ask as soberly as you can. you’re not off your face yet, but the alcohol is definitely present, surrounding the corners of your vision.

“i’d rather by you a drink.” a slightly german accent crowds your ears and you look over to see a man, not all that different to some of the guys in harry’s band, smirking at you.

nervous, you reply, “no you don’t need to do that we have a tab here.”

“i insist.” afraid to be impolite you quietly thank him, and turn back to the bar. you can’t even think of chatting to guy at a bar whilst the man you love is sat so close by. even though it’s not returned, the pain of giving him up to flirt with a stranger is too much to bare.

“so what brings you to a local’s bar like this one?”

“me and my friends are working here for the night.”

“just here for the night? such a shame,” his smile, although attempting to seem unthreatening, is making you uncomfortable. the bartender seems to be taking forever with your order.

“i’m staying in a hotel a few minutes away, come and join me and their bar for a real drink?” your heart was pounding. you rarely got hit on so you were a little out of practice on how to deal with persistent assholes like these ones.

“i can show you how the germans like to do it.” that was it- he’d gone too far and you were so embarrassed by this point you were too humiliated to even reply to him. your neck was getting hotter and you could feel your cheeks reddening.

“you okay?” harry’s voice took you out of your panic-stricken state, “you were taking a while.”

turning to harry and preparing to tell him how this man won’t get the message, the german creep pipes up, “she’s fine mate. we were just discussing a date.”

“listen mate, i suggest you back off. alright?” harry grabbed your hand, tightly, and guided you out of the bar.

“harry where are we going?” you could barely comprehend what had happened in the last five minutes to even realise he was hailing a taxi.

“back to the house. i’ll text the others.”

“harry i’m fine honestly it’s no-“

“who said i was fine? i wanted to leave and i thought maybe you did too.” he was angry, which wasn’t something you saw in harry often. he was a happy guy, and optimistic about most things in life.

“is this because of that guy?”

“of course it is y/n.”

“i’m sorry i didn’t realise he’d be an assho-“

“why’re you apologising?”

this shut you up. you didn’t know why. this wasn’t the first time a guy had been slightly predatory towards you and you doubted it would be the last. after the first couple times your in situations like this you tend to see yourself as the problem and not the guys doing it.

“i don’t know, harry.” you climbed into the cab together and harry gave them the address, seeming somewhat cooled off from earlier. your head was buzzing from the alcohol and the fact that harry had essentially rescued you from what could have been a scary situation.

“harry?”

“yeah, y/n?”

“why did you kiss camila?” alcohol had made you more outspoken and you asked the question that had been driving your nervous energy all night.

“why are you asking?”

a little more honestly then last time, you answered, “i’m just curious.” harry shifted in his chair, slightly unnerved by the question. his whole demeanour had shifted entirely from earlier. he was close and warm with you, the friend you’d become addicted to being with. now he was closed off and moody- a rare sight for anyone who knew him well. you could have picked a better time to ask the question, of course, but you had to know. you had other questions too, like why he was so angry right now, and why did he care that i was chatting with a guy at the bar, even if he was a creep.

“because she wanted to kiss me and i wanted to kiss her. the same reason most humans kiss,” there was a slight element of humour back in his voice now.

“and that was it?”

“yep.”

“hmm.” you tried to ponder this, but your attention span was limited when you were this inebriated. your thought process had quickly moved from harry’s sex life to harry in general and his outfit of the evening- a personal favourite. he’d worn white cream trousers with a vest top and an unbuttoned short sleeve shirt, along with the necklace you’d given him last christmas. you could see his two swallows peaking from the straps of his wife beater and your mind wandered to the thought of having your mouth against them. against all his tattoos, individually placing a kiss on each and everyone that you had grown to fall in love with.

you remembered the memory of harry coming with you to get your largest tattoo,  a greek statue on your upper arm.

“harry you know this isn’t the first one i’ve gotten?” you laugh at how hard he was clutching your hand in the chair next to your seat.

“i know but i’m so excited for you. i want you to know i’ll be sat here the whole time to hold your hand,” he squeezes your hand to emphasise his point.

“harry i’m getting another tattoo not going into life-altering surgery.”

but inside, you were squealing at his words.

“y/n?”

harry’s less chipper current voice took you out of your memory and back to the cab in munich.

“you’ve been staring at my chest for a couple minutes,” his brows were furrowed as he studied your face.

“i want to lick it.” if someone had asked you why you answered with that, you genuinely couldn’t give them a good answer. alcohol didn’t do much to you, except allow you to have fun, and lose any sense of a filter. now was a perfect example of the effects. harry’s eyes widened at your candour- and so did yours. his calm expression only faltered for a few seconds though, before it returned to his neutral, warm face.

“what else?”

“i-uh- what?”

“what else were you thinking about?” your heart was beating so loudly you were sure harry could feel it across in his seat. why was harry asking this? you didn’t want him to know about your thoughts- they were far too embarrassing and far too private.

“i was thinking about all your tattoos,” you confessed.

“i was thinking about yours too.” you thought about all of your tattoos and remembered the dog rose you had on the back of your thigh, as well as the koi carp on your hip bone.

“which ones?”

“the flowers and the fish.” you gulped, knowing he was thinking of your most risqué tattoos.

harry, unusually, was completely serious as he said, “i thought about licking yours too.” you didn’t know where you stood with harry now. you were sat in a taxi, having the conversation with him that you thought would never happen. he wants you the same way you want him. he may not want you the same way a nagging voice told you. he could just be looking for an easy fuck, and you thought to yourself that even if that was all he wanted, you’d still give yourself to him.

“harry-“

“maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore, yeah?” you felt like you could cry- how could he not want to talk, and you were on tour together? this was the most gut wrenching feeling to have him tell you not to talk anymore. harry studied your face as you lip began to quiver, “jesus y/n i meant about the current conversation. of course i want to keep talking to you, i love you- you know, like a friend.”

“like a friend?” you couldn’t ever begin to describe how your heart felt like it fell to the pit of your stomach whilst the acid slowly burnt it away. friends is it. harry isn’t yours to have and he never will be, he just had to remind you in words of this.

“well we’re both a little drunk and clearly turned on- maybe just this once it could be more than friends? just for tonight, i mean?” harry’s clear green eyes didn’t stop looking into yours, and he seemed, i’m not sure, hopeful? as if on cue, the taxi took you back to your villa which was warmly lit from inside and you felt a nervous excitement crawl up your arms and legs at what could possibly come next. harry gave the driver the cash and you dashed quickly to the door of the house, the cool september air cutting through you both dressed inappropriately for the time of year. it dawned on you that your outfit- a big vintage men’s shirt with your oldest and favourite pair of dr martens with sheer tights- wasn’t the wisest choice. harry fumbled with unlocking the door and opened it to find the fire lit and the lights dimmed. it was more romantic than either of you would ever mention out loud but it felt like the house was routing for you. you weren’t sure where harry wanted this to go next, the air beginning to stiffen and feel awkward.

turning to face him, you started, “harry i-“ his lips met yours in an instance and any of the awkwardness left in the room had been dissolved by harry’s soft kiss. he tasted good, despite the beer you’d both been drinking and had you not been intoxicated by the pilsner and harry’s gentle touch, you’d probably care about things like breath. harry grabbed you by the shoulders, much like he did earlier that same day, and guided you into the room further, finding the large sofa and pushing you onto it. falling back, you glanced up at his towering figure. harry was already tall, but his powerful presence added a less literal height to him, and his shadow looked over you. you couldn’t help but stare at him as he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders, exposing some of your favourite tattoos of his. you got to your knees so that you were closer to his body and you finally relaxed in his presence, touching all the places you’d dreamed about. your hands raked up his torso to his chest and his head leant down to kiss you again. his lips were perfect and seemed made to be against yours so tightly, and made for the crook of your neck as well as they kissed and sucked there too. the fire in the corner of your eyes illuminated the small amount of gold in harry’s hair and he looked as angelic as he always did in your dreams.

“am i better than him?” harry murmured against your neck. the question caught you off guard. he’d only known one other person you’d had a sexual relationship with since you two became friends and that was a sound tech from one of his old touring groups that you had a small fling with. him and harry never got along and harry even accused him of purposely messing his sound up during a performance once. harry has walked in on you giving him head in your dressing room once and it was incredibly awkward but you both moved past it.

“who are you talking about?”

“you know, that arsehole sound tech from the american tour. do i kiss you better than him?” you could hear the layers to his voice- he was asking with a confidence that you felt straight in your core, but there was another layer to it- insecurity.

“god yes,” you gushed, he had to at least know how he physically made you feel even if you can’t admit your feelings, “you kiss far better then he ever could.”

an idea came into your head at this, “in fact, i bet you’ll feel better in my mouth then he did.” harry jaw slacks slightly and you give him a shy smile. talking like this wasn’t something you ever tried when you were having sex, but harry made you want to be honest. it was the closest you could get to confessing your love to him, and you’d take what you could get from harry right now. stunned into silence, you continue to undress harry, removing his vest to expose his lean stomach and small trail of hair from his belly button, that you kissed all the way down. he let out a sharp breath as soon as you got to the top of his pubic bone, and you finally noticed just how hard harry already was. with a little fascination, you dared to take it to the next level and cupped his length through his trousers, causing harry to groan at the contact. he felt big in your small hand, you couldn’t wait to reveal him, impatiently struggling with his zipper.

“woah, y/n, slow down,” harry puts a finger under your chin and you look up under your lash at him, knelt below him. his smile is a classic harry smile and for a brief second this feels like more than a casual fuck.

“you’re still wearing too much clothing.” harry bends slightly to get to the bottom of your shirt and speedily pulls it over your head, revealing your black cotton bralet and tights. harry’s mouth watered at the sight of you in nothing but your underwear and boots, your long hair falling in messy waves around your minimally tattooed arms. your sure your black eyeliner is smudged and your gloss practically jin existent but harry’s eyes make you feel like he wants nothing more then to fuck you.

“that’s much better,” he smiles again at you, and you take that as a good cue to continue on his member. eagerly, your hands go straight back to his flies, rapidly undoing them and letting his loose fit trousers fall from his hips, exposing his form fitted boxers and you get a much better idea of just how big harry’s cock really was. without realising you mumble, “i want you in my mouth so bad,” under your breath.

“fuck say that again.”

looking under your lashes again, you repeat, “i want your cock in my mouth so bad.” harry groans as his eyes roll back, his words almost being enough without your touch. but your hand still went back to his dick, pulling it out from the restraint of his boxers. it was thick and bigger then you had been with before. without missing a beat, your hand pumped him a few times, and his hips reacted instantly. as if beckoning for your lips to surround his cock, his hips thrust towards you again, and you obliged, licking and then parting your wetted lips for the head of his dick. the pre-cum touched your tongue and it urged you to take more of him further, swiping your tongue on the underside as you push more in. harry moans, gripping your scruffy hair in his large hand, and had to restrain from pushing your mouth around his whole length. as your mouth got acquainted with him, you started to move up and down the length, as harry’s moans got higher and louder.

“y/n your mouth is fucking magic.” the praise went straight to your clit and your underwear was dampening at the knowledge of the dirty things your mouth was doing.

“can you- fuck- can you grab my balls?” you responded immediately and cupped them lightly whilst continuing to bob your head on his cock.

“didn’t know you could you use your mouth for such dirty things, y/n. do i fill you better then he did?”his jealousy fuelled you to go even quicker, this time switching up to concentrating on his swollen head, your tongue lapping against it feverishly, whilst your hand pumped the rest of him. the combination of your hand and mouth was enough to drive harry insane.

“you do so good y/n, i’m gonna cum soon okay?” you release him from your mouth, and keep stroking him, eager for him to orgasm. you couldn’t describe the desperation you had to see the way he looked as he climaxed. if you were to die after this, you knew you would die happy, if only to have seen harry in that state of euphoria that only you could bring him to.

“fuck y/n i’m gonna cum,” harry pants, his thighs tensing and his eyes glazing over. you aim him over your chest and feel his load fall all over your breasts, soaking your bralet as he lets out a breathy moan. his breathes are loud and aside from the fire crackling are the only noise filling the space of the living room. you let his now soft cock go and fall back onto the sofa, too tired to think about all of what just happened, the only thought on your mind is of harry’s moans on repeat. your chest is sticky but you’re too exhausted to care. harry has slowly crept over to sit next to you on the sofa, and you’re unspokenly thankful he hasn’t distanced himself afterwards.

“i need to clean you up.” harry disappears as quickly as he arrived and comes back with a warm flannel. wiping your chest, you watch his face as his brows furrow delicately on his forehead and his mouth is slightly crooked in concentration. you loved every single portion of his face, and suddenly it meant something different. you had seen his face at it’s most real and vulnerable and you had that memory forever.

unfortunately moments like the one you and harry had finally shared don’t last forever, and once harry’s done wiping your  breasts off, he leaves a kiss on your forehead, grabs his clothes and leaves you on the sofa.

[readerinsertfanfiction]

Hi! I was wondering if you can do Kakeru Manabe dating Momiji’s twin sister. She was also born with the zodiac curse, and like they tell everyone and are ready to tell Akito and he doesn’t improve, how would everyone react? Including Manabe. Would they defend her and try to make him agree to them dating? Thank you if you read this have a good day or night sjsnsnsj 😅 ALSO IM SORRY IF ITS TOO MUCH DJDKWNDK

Heya! While I do write for Fruits Basket (thank heavens for another fandom in my inbox for once lol) I write reader!inserts not the story of your OC that you don’t feel like writing out yourself. So what I will do is write a Kakeru Manabe x reader story with a character that has the zodiac curse, but otherwise there will be no Momiji’s twin, because I sure hope that the OC has more of an identity than just being a copy of Momiji.

A/N: Of course I write a Fruits Basket piece on the eve of Lunar New Year. 😅😅😅 HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR TO THOSE WHO CELEBRATE. 🐮🐮🐮

Fandom: Fruits Basket

Character: Kakeru Manabe

Prompt: Sohmacursed!reader

He slept in the flowerbeds without a care. Earning complaints from many. The school council president dared to roughen him up in public, earning a surprised look as the image of prince charming broke. He did everything differently and earned no ire, only more fans for the actions he took. Kakeru Manabe was a strange individual that went against the grain and that had your attention. Someone who was capable of pulling out a different side out of everyone.

Affable was a word that would suit him. Along with attentive, for he always thought and minded the rest first, even while he slept in flower beds, or did something silly that earned Yuki’s fist once more. Kakeru Manabe was, by all accounts a charming young male that had deserved his spot in popularity despite his ditzy outer appearance, if only because of something dark hidden beneath. It was attractive, for a Sohma at least. For they often lived under a façade as well, for they often craved the genuine attention of those surrounding them.

And here was the danger for you, for a Sohma was not supposed to interact with those from the outside. For they were not allowed to be with those uninitiated and you were very much not an exception. In fact, you were a reason even.

“We can’t be together,” you had stated, and Yuki had solemnly nodded, understanding the why but not willing to accept it just like that. However, as a fellow Sohma what was he to suggest else? The outsiders wouldn’t understand and as much as Kakeru was someone of great understanding and acceptance he was just another outsider. After all, it wasn’t unheard of from their own mothers to abandon their children once they found the curse, what obligation had he not to do the same?

“Ahaha, please don’t be like that,” Kakeru had responded, first thinking that you were jesting. Your humour had always been rather outlandish, it was why the two of you got along so well. Just last week you had been the one confessing to him, albeit covertly, but now it was him who returned the words to you, openly. Surely feelings couldn’t have changed that quickly?

“Oooh, is it because you’re actually the heir of a throne in a foreign country? It is fine, I will be your Prince Charming!” the male had exclaimed, thinking that you truly were playing a game with him, but at your stern expression Kakeru’s bright shimmering light dimmed a little as he eyed you and then Yuki and then you again.

“Is it because of my family?” he questions, a pensive look on his face as he recalls the complications his own family came with. The difficulties Machi had to suffer from. The things he fought so hard to break away from. Was it all fruitless in the end?

You shook your head once more, a soft smile on your lips as you took a step away from the male, creating distance between the two of you. It was regrettable that Yuki was here, when it was supposed to be a private moment, but also fortunate, for you were sure that he was needed to pick up the pieces of his friend that you were to leave behind.

“It is mine,” you answered honestly, remembering the way Akito had reacted to Rin and Hatsuharu, recalling the story of why Hatori’s fiance had suddenly left him, the heartbreak, the pain, the inevitable tragedy that was to come, but above all the lack of what you wanted to give him the most; the curse holding you back. And that was all you had been willing to say as you turned away, leaving him with only your rejection.

But Kakeru was amongst the many traits of affableness and charm also determined, unwilling to let go once he had understood that this went against yourself as much as it went against him to let you go.

Kakeru knew himself not to be as kind and as empathetic as he would like to be, often needing others to explain to him what the perspective of the other was. But he understood family and especially complicated families as a member of one himself. Or so he had believed when he tried to dive into yours and tried to figure out what it was that had made you say what you had.

“Have you tried to embrace a Sohma? Have you ever pressed their body against yours and felt its true form?”

The mysterious head of the Sohma family had left Kakeru with even more questions as he wondered what it was that Akito had meant. Kakeru had, without a fear, approached the head to put the hierarchy of the Sohma into question. An inquiry that had earned him a cold and callous ire in which he was challenged to do the one thing you had always avoided. Was it in there that your secret laid?

He had considered it, Kakeru had, but the thought disturbed him as he realised the implications that Akito had so carefully suggested. Was he able to disturb your boundaries as such, to force out your secrets to him so casually all for the sake of starting a relationship?

“You will destroy it before you have it,” were Yuki’s words when he tried to seek counsel from his friend. Yuki’s grey eyes had been so sad, back to that gloomy cold prince he had been before they became friends. It was a loneliness that Kakeru had come to recognise in all members of the Sohma, which he sometimes saw in you as well.

“Whatever it is,” the male decided to tell you instead, “I hope one day you will come to see me as someone that you trust enough to share your secret with,” he had told you after relaying the story of his meeting with Akito. He regretted his own noisiness, lamented his curiosity, but had satisfied himself with patience. Patience that he was willing to use to wait for you to be ready, or for his feelings to die out, though Kakeru had a feeling that was going to be another long while. He was after all, quite stubborn.

[ryssabrin]

i'm still organizing my thoughts about cr2 but overall my feelings are pretty positive! spoilers below

so on the one hand i feel a little disappointed things like caleb taking down trent and fjord finding vandran/dealing with uk'otoa and yasha confronting her tribe weren't longer form arcs but i get why narratively they felt defeating lucien and cognouza would be where to end it. both caduceus and veth had very good reasons to leave the party after that and it would have been awkward to work around it. they did the best they could and it worked okay overall.

fjord, cad and jester were my faves so while i'm less interested in the others i'm pretty happy with everyone else's endings. i feel like liam and matt could write a book on everything else caleb had going on but i'm fine with it being as open ended as it was.

i'm split on taliesin's decision to end molly's story the way he did. i think a lot of people (myself included) really wanted to see his reunion with yasha and what molly would have become but what tal went with is nice too. i was never super attached to molly so i'm good with either choice tbh.

the one goodbye that we didn't get that i'm sad about is beau and fjord's. their dynamic was one of my faves and they never got to have their moment. i imagine they stay in touch regardless but still.

the ships are honestly less important to me and i would have been fine with whatever (except wido/jest sry not sry it weirds me out on too many levels) but i loved the way both fjorester and beauyasha played out. i'll always love yasha's "i fell in love with you in kamordah. i'm so proud of the person you've become" love confession and it was exactly what beau deserved. and even though i knew it was coming, the way travis played fjord catching feelings for jester really felt like he was planning on holding off until much later to initiate anything until that one random encounter. him choosing to take the plunge early despite it being well outside travis's comfort zone was a great rp moment and i loved it and they're rly cute.

i think people might be a bit? disappointed that it seemed jester's arc didn't have a definite trajectory outside of fjord but i don't see it that way. her arc started with her being alone and with the traveler as her only friend. she had so many romantic ideals about the world that she had to learn weren't always true but that they can sometimes be better. that showed in her developing friendship with artagan and his lack of godhood, her sweet but slow build relationship with fjord, and even her parent trapping her parents lol. she accomplished everything she set out to do (and i choose to believe she had a much larger part in the redemption of essek than she realizes) and she just wants to adventure! even if her and fjord weren't a couple i think she would have likely ended up traveling with him in the end.

the one moment that really made me tear up was caduceus's goodbye. he had such an impact on everyone in the nein and he was really the piece that they were missing (sorry molly) and it was lovely to see that shown in how everyone said goodbye to him.

and then ofc fjord had my favorite arc i really loved it a lot and travis makes all the best rp choices and that's my hot take thank you

[attack-on-kiwi]

what are your thoughts on the manga ending?

I feel like I’m one of the few who didn’t mind it. Yeah, there were a couple things I had issues with, but there were just as many components I really enjoyed. I’ll talk a little about it under the cut in order to avoid spoiling.

Attack on Titan 139 spoilers below

I thought that the vision of Armin meeting Eren and Eren explaining his plan was intimate and emotional. Though I don’t agree with some of the steps taken (justifying Ymir’s curse as a consequence of her love for King Fritz) I don’t think it’s done bad enough for it to warrant much of the hate it received. I think with stories like this, it’s extremely difficult to end it on a note that everyone will be happy, and it’s important to respect that the writer is influenced by editors and people on top who might suggest or cut their intentions. Isayama might have wanted it to end like this or be justified like this from the beginning, and I think people are allowed to have their opinions, however I find the crying and threatening I’ve see due to the ending to be quite childish lol.

A point that I’m iffy about is Eren’s sudden confession about Mikasa. A lot of people think it was out of nowhere, and whether you ship them or don’t, it could have been nice to see more development between the two. I don’t think it was out of nowhere. By the end, Eren was so used to lying to his comrades and himself as a way to convince himself of his mission. It was natural for him to repress until Armin finally knocked some sense into him. 

As we know, a good portion of Mikasa’s character is being unyieldingly loyal towards Eren, which is a quality he could easily take advantage of to further his own goals. I also believe that within the setting of Attack on Titan, it’s unreasonable to expect a lot of romantic scenes. We get a few panels of characters blushing around one another, and it should be taken with a grain of salt. I wouldn’t say the two didn’t hae development, it just wasn’t emphasized. Though, you could see Eren’s declaration of wrapping her scarf around her as his most potent confession to her. I thought that was a really good scene that showcased that even though he felt inferior to her in the beginning, he still wanted to ensure her safety. Small (but notable) moments like that are what I think count as development for them. I’ll talk more about Mikasa in a bit.

Personally, I absolutely loved this shot of Armin and Eren embracing one another. There’s a lot I could say about what it represents, such as the two finally finding common ground. Their ideals and missions both led them to the same end, though Eren would be taking the extreme fall for it. I also wonder how long the two of them had gone without a hug or form of physical affection. From a human standpoint, I imagine it must have meant a lot to the two, and I’m happy they shared the hug. I don’t really have a way of properly expressing myself in regards to this, so I’ll just leave it at that. 

Though it was in death, I was glad Mikasa and Armin were finally able to reunite with Eren. This scene honestly gave me chills.

One thing I’d like to mention is the development of comradery between Reiner and Jean. Yes, Reiner eventually ends up gaining the trust of the others as well, but the relationship between these two has always been interesting to me. It was nice to see Reiner presumably check in on Jean out of everyone. 

I would have liked to see snippets of everyone else’s visions of Eren since it seems he visited them as well, but I can see why they would stick to just Armin. However, leaving what he said to Mikasa out of the story leaves room for interpretation. Is the reason she seems at peace due to Eren finally confessing his true feelings, whether they were his intimate romantic feelings or simply his true intentions? Regardless, I would have very much loved to see that, but leaving it a mystery is acceptable as well, since we can form our own conclusions.

The final salute of the scouts. I don’t really know what else to say about this. It felt like a genuinely good conclusion to their mission, and was one of the few conclusions I have no complaints about. 

I thought the reunions were really short and to the point. Seeing Gabi nearly kill Falco was a nice way to lighten the mood and give a sense of normalcy. For me, the scene where Gabi throws Falco cemented that kids could be kids again. 

I might be reaching here with how this scene parallels Armin’s first time defending Eren against the Garrison back in season one. Where Armin was panicking and ran out of the smoke to try and convince them of Eren’s innocence. Seeing how he’s able to power through it now and with the utmost confidence express himself made me really proud. Armin’s character had to be one of the most heart-wrenching yet powerful stories of Attack on Titan. The way everyone looks to him as their leader and the way he accepts his role readily though he knows he still has a lot to learn would make both Eren and Erwin proud. 

I’m glad that winning against the titans didn’t suddenly fix everything. It would be really great to see a possible sequel or even a one shot epilogue showcasing the political climate of the world. Since Eldia seems to be it’s own nation now, I wonder how they’re going to manage backlash and adversity from other nations. As we see with Armin and the others on the boat, it seems they want to get their story out there, but how much will that actually solve? 

I’ve seen this panel get a lot of backlash. There’s even a petition to get signatures to remove Reiner commenting on Historia’s letter. I thought that was a bit much, honestly. I think it’s done in jest, and that Reiner might be reverting back to his old self, whoever that might be. He’s obviously much more relaxed, and it looks like he’s taking care of himself now. I think this is his way of joking around and maybe even poke at Jean and tease him. He knows Jean’s going to bite back at anything he says. I did think that out of all the comedic panels we could have, going back to a crush that likely meant nothing was strange. But again, it was a crush that meant nothing, and it’s the butt of a long running joke at this point, so they’re humoring it. After this one panel, he’s back to his usual serious self, though. You can’t say much, I suppose, but i don’t see him as latching onto this or it meaning anything deeper. I’ve heard Isayama is planning on adding a few pages to the last chapter, and I wonder if he will be convinced to redo this particular panel. I can see why other’s would have an issue with this, though.

I’m happy to see that these four were together. I wonder if Onyankopon works closely with Levi. I can see him in contact with Armin, especially since the two have an interest in engineering. Seeing Levi with Gabi and Falco made my heart happy. I’d like to know how exactly Levi decided to let these two in. Again, we don’t get much from a single panel, but I personally like to assume they visit him or even stay with him sometimes and he’s become something akin to another father or uncle figure for them. Levi seems to be doing well, and it’s nice to see him able to relax. I imagine being with the two kids is revitalizing in a sense,

The last thing I wanted to mention was Mikasa’s end. She’s still mourning Eren and has seemingly secluded herself. Though I understand that she’s grieving and now that there’s no need to fight, she can do as she pleases, it’s a bit sad to see her like this. She misses him dearly, and I would assume that takes a toll on her health. Hopefully she sees the others regularly. I know others aren’t too happy about her conclusion, and I was personally underwhelmed. However, I think that she’s not stuck. She’s looking towards a future and a world that Eren sacrificed himself for. It’s a world where she can live as herself- someone who is kindhearted and peaceful. She never wanted to become an aggressive fighter, but that was the hand life dealt her. One could say Eren saved her from that fate. 

This is all just word vomit in the end. All of this to say I’m content with the ending.

[you-are-my-neverland]

nano 2020 final update

                now playing: a playlist for yourself sad (slowed down songs)

final wc. 57, 114 words

general thoughts:

let me try to keep this short: i won!!! honestly, it was very exciting, considering this is like my sixth nano and the only one i’ve cracked an actual 50k on - ahead of schedule, too! (and on that - congrats to everyone who wrote this month! you all did awesome, even if you didn’t make your goal <3). 

my writing pace slowed a little, which was fine - we did have thanksgiving break, but honestly that was just for me to further relax (& upon return the stress of school slammed full force hhhh). it’s been a bit tricky because i do have a large ensemble cast of varying importance whose relevance will likely cycle around, but incorporating them into the story is difficult. i’m trying to build relationships for further chapters, but without forgetting or sidelining anyone too much. it’s been a bit crazy, especially since my outline is not super detailed and i didn’t ever get around to writing my character arcs for book 1 like i was planning on. oh well.

we did hit the first little conflict hill though!! 

the future:

honestly, i don’t know where i’m going with this - not my wip, but like with writing it and posting updates. this is technically my final nano update, but like i don’t plan on stopping writing this regularly because might as well ride with it, you know? anyways. i think when i have a title, i’ll make a wip intro about it. hopefully my writing doesn’t peter off - i’ll have to try to police myself, like that ever works out (well it did this year but. you know).

if you want to be on a taglist for future possible updates, let me know! right now it’s just @semblanche <3

also here’s the pinterest which i am still building and organizing (i’ll create a spotify playlist in due time)

some scenes:

(beneath the cut because i went a little overboard)

“You jest,” Eden said, looking amused. Ophelia noticed he wasn’t wrinkling his brow as much anymore, as if the headache had finally gone away, or at least she had distracted him from it, which she took as a win.

“I am only ever perfectly serious,” she said. 

“I don’t doubt it,” Eden replied.

They looked out at the ocean a while longer.

notes: ophelia and eden (& sebastian) as friends with a certain vibe that i really like ... they’re kind of cute okay <3 but insofar platonic

“That’s fine, I always keep elastic ones on me,” Luce replied, continuing to chat as she began to braid after dividing Ophelia’s hair into a neat part. “Your hair is so nice and straight. It does whatever I want it too. I usually practice hairdos on Laurie, but both of her hair never wants to obey the laws of gravity or force, you know? I’m not pulling too tight, am I?”

Ophelia, who had actually sunk into a relaxed state and felt rather as if she had transcended—it had been so long since someone had touched her hair, her mother stopping brushing it long ago—almost missed the question, before quickly saying, “No, it feels really nice.”

notes: trying to build and integrate ophelia, luce & briar friendship so ophelia can have actual good friendships, also because healthy girl friendships are necessary for any good work xD

Asriel glanced at her over his shoulder, the flames casting a sharp outline across his narrow profile. “It’s not my fault if you take offense to every small thing. Maybe you should think about why you consider that to be a personal attack on you. Perhaps you’re doing something wrong?”

Ophelia exhaled sharply and looked away from him, her fist dropping to her side. She could feel tears pricking at her eyes, and it was so infuriating that she almost wanted to cry—cry over the fact that a single sentence made her want to cry to even begin with. 

“Forget this,” she said, forcing herself to speak slowly as to not betray the tightness of her throat she felt all of the sudden. “I don’t need to go with you. I’ll make it out on my own. Have fun in the dark.” She stormed past him, shoulder checking him into the wall, and focused on her feet and surroundings carefully, not willing to embarrass herself any further.

“Ophelia,” Asriel said. Just her name. Nothing else. It was enough to make her stop, even as she insistently told her feet to keep going. She looked just barely over her shoulder at him and saw his body sigh with the sound of it leaving his lips. “Let’s go together,” he said, coming up to stand next to her. 

“No way,” she said. “You  might ‘need’ me, but I definitely don’t need you.”

notes: anyways ophelia & asriel are supposed to be like rivals and the reader isn’t supposed to like asriel that much, but also my personal bias shines through in my writing and i once again make my intentions obvious (enemies to lovers hghjskjs)

She opened her eyes and looked up to see Asriel staring back at her, sitting on the ledge and dangling his feet, a hand still over hers, despite the flames that had started to dance across his skin as well. He didn’t so much as flinch, though Ophelia could make out the slight reddening of his skin beneath the fire. She frowned at that and considered reeling it back in, but who was she if he wanted to risk his life? People got burned. It wasn’t anything that a healer couldn’t solve.   

She was struck by his gaze. Not that it carried much intensity, but by the fact that it didn’t—he looked at her as he looked at everything else, with a gaze that simply swept by one momentarily and deemed it not worth his interest. Nothing was worth his interest. Nothing made him smile or laugh; he only frowned, slightly, at some things, sometimes at Ophelia, but he never looked at her with the burning hatred she felt he must see on her face every time they made eye contact. 

notes: uh oh this rivalry might have been one sided the entire time? hm.

“You could have killed me.” When she looked up, her eyes were rimmed with red and her voice was raw with some unspoken emotion.

Asriel didn’t flinch. “It was a risk I was willing to take.”

“You don’t get to gamble with my life,” Ophelia said, spitting out each word as if they hurt her to say.

“It wasn’t even real,” Asriel replied, unbothered and unfazed.

“Merlin,” Ophelia whispered, looking away and then staggered to her feet, hands clenched into fists at her side. “I hate you so much. I wish I had made all of you burn alive.” She turned and slammed through the door, letting it bang shut with an echo that resonated throughout the room.

notes: oh yeah. this is why she doesn’t like him lol. 

“How classy,” Bell drawled. “Ruel, do you think he should be allowed to rebel with us?”

Ruel shrugged her knobby shoulders, popping her bubble and swallowing the gum back between her teeth. “We shouldn’t invite people.” They exchanged a look with weighted emotions in their eyes that felt much too serious for the current situation. Asriel felt his fingers tighten around his arms, cutting off the circulation, as he waited.

“True enough.” Their heads turned in unison to blink at a still standing Asriel: Ruel’s heavy lidded pale gray blue ones and Bell’s dark brown eyes with the thin double eyelid crease.

“See you around, then,” Bell said. “If it’s fate, we’ll meet again.”

Asriel bit back a scoff, a short huff escaping his lips instead. “If that’s that you believe.”

“Ah, so he’s a skeptic,” Bell remarked, voice cold and eyes narrowing.

Asriel gave them both a long look, feeling slightly amused at the conversation and somewhat curious about what a further one would entail.

“I don’t believe in fate,” he said. “And even if fate does exist, it’s far from impartial.”

“Is that your way of saying you doubt we’ve made fate’s favorites list?” Bell asked, looking like they were half joking and half actually interested in what Asriel had to say.

“I don’t know,” Asriel said. “Do you honestly believe fate has taken any notice of you at all?”

“I’m not one of the Divine,” Bell said. “So I couldn’t say, honestly. Could you?”

Asriel let his hands drop to his sides, where he tucked them into his pockets and ignored the burn and pain that came with the movements. 

“I would hope,” he started softly. “That fate has no plans for me at all. Good day.

notes: asriel pov asriel pov asriel pov! the way he’s one of what i like to call the core four (not me writing cour fore rip omg, but also that’s sebastian, ophelia, vincent, and him - our mcs if i ever had such a thing) but this is his first pov in 50k. bell & ruel are two minor characters that kind of wormed their way into my heart and now i think i’m attached - maybe they’ll all be friends. 

[lifeisjustanotherstory]

W/c 21/01/2019 - the week in anecdotes and not-shower shower thoughts 

Monday

Aytaj went to Milan for the weekend. MILAN. Beats my weekend. 

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I just found out that “Royals” by Lorde came out 6 years ago this year, and time suddenly seems to have flown past. I mean...6 years? Really?! It’s probably been a year since I heard the song, and listening to it feels very nostalgic. The Youtube playlist moved on to “Team”. I used to like a particular chorus in that song - and still do - it lent itself to story ideas, and great character adventures in my head. I need to write again soon - it has been too long. 

We live in cities you'll never see onscreen

Not very pretty, but we sure know how to run things

Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams

And you know we're on each other's team

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Waiting for allocation of tasks from the US team. Currently have to chase Chase for our scoping file. 

(chase Chase...once you hear it, you can’t unhear it...)

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Tuesday

I wore my jumper on Tuesday, as I had planned. Getting up early, I hadn’t thought much of not seeing the brand logo on the front - it crossed my mind, only to be replaced with the thought of catching my train.

I went through the day - a good 95% of it - before one of the Managers called me as I made my way to my locker to put away my things for the day. Her name is Amy, and she lives near one of the towns that my train stops in on my way home.

“Deepa? I think your jumper is on back to front.” I lifted up the item of clothing in question, and to my deep embarrassment I was faced with the jumper’s label. I nervously laughed and headed to my locker as she made her way out to the bathroom. I was walking around with a silver pheasant on my back all day.  

Mortified doesn’t cut it.

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I accidentally put Sahil’s coffee cup in my locker yesterday and now he’s got a huge white label on it, with his name in block letters. Oops.

But at least he’s sitting next to me again. Or maybe that’s just because I always let people use my chargers. 

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Wednesday

I’m trying to make my way up the stairs without stopping, which causes me to huff and puff (no houses are blown down, however), go red in the face and get a pain in my lower abdomen. No pain, no gain eh. Anyway, my eyes met Jasper’s on the way up, and we exchanged “Morning”’s. He knows I come in early, and vice versa, but we never seem to interact any more than that.

Anyway, he held open the door for me on the 10th floor, which I felt was very considerate. He didn’t have to, but he heard me coming (granted, I wasn’t that loud) and waited. I can’t say I’ve heard all good things about this guy - but his action today spoke a lot.

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Finally relented and chose to get a breakfast from the canteen today. Still haven’t decided whether I’ll expense it though. Mushrooms were my favourite kind, wide and flat - like I’d never seen before, the egg nicely poached and the beans tasty. The sausage was all the more succulent for the guy forgetting to charge it to my total bill, which came in at a round £3.00.

Back up in the audit room and I was in mid-conversation, with my breakfast box hanging dangerously close to the edge of the table. Indeed, if not for Fahim’s hand, it could have ended up on my (suede) dress or on the floor. Credit to his reflexes for saving my day.  

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Thursday

My dad remarked that the jumper I chose to wear today doesn’t have a very obvious logo on it. What cruel irony is this?

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Did 11 year old me ever think of her 21 year old self deciding to take a 6:11 train, instead of the 6:20, just so she could catch some z’s onboard? #10yearchallenge

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Aytaj offered me some of her chocolate. It’s milk chocolate with a hint of toffee, but it looks like dark chocolate. Azerbaijani chocolate has exceeded my expectations. 

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Had to reach out to a guy from our Swiss team in order to get some accounts that the UK team needs. No need to fear - Emanuel is here (!!!)

He is also up for the weekend because let’s be real, as if that isn’t what everyone is thinking.

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Oh my gosh, just filled up my bottle and that is some.fresh.water.

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I enjoy sitting next to Aytaj. No one else would have such fun trying to solve an IT issue. Or have cool client names (Sandwich, Hong Hong...and my personal fave; Jing Jing). Or laugh about their half-eaten chicken leg on the floor. (Thankfully, it was in a box). 

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Managed to return the favour to Aytaj and gave her a chocolate biscuit. Matt H had one too. 

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Friday

Does Nick even know my name? Of course, there is no reason for him to address me by it when it’s just the two of us in the audit room. 

He promised not to rub his fancy breakast in his face as he left the room to go the restaurant. We’re approaching banter stage. 

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Fahim looked shattered, and I told him as much.

Me, over Skype; You look so tired

Fahim: my face speaks 1000 words about my tiredness lol

Me: Where’s a painting emoji when you need it?

Earlier we’d gone to get drinks from another floor today. I remarked that I don’t drink coffee, and he was really surprised. Shocked indeed. I must be one of the few people who don’t in this job. Coffee is like water for the majority of finance professionals. (I jest, but I have honestly seen people drink as much coffee as water, if not more.)

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Sahil knows I get in early, so when someone said that I’d need to go and do something at 11:30am, he joked and said “That’s like evening for her.”

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“Deepa, who you Skpying?” I could feel my stomach fall as I heard Jits ask. “You always put on your privacy screen when you’re not doing work?” I wasn’t Skyping, I was updating this blog. My thoughts will live on, as I hope them to, in this manner. Even if my currently healthy sleeping pattern doesn’t make it. 

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Nick (Dorn as opposed to Daws) asked Jits which song the line “It’s electrifying” I was. I responded “Greased Lightning” without a second thought. Jits remarked that it must have been a favourite of my parents’ in their teen years. He wasn’t right about them liking it - but they were both 19 at the time of its release. Wow.

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Watching a comedy programme and I just sat through the comedian mentioning the word ‘cunnilingus’ without any change in my facial expression whatsoever. I deserve a pat on the back for making it. Thank god my parents didn’t ask me to explain what it was...

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Saturday

Four months till my exams, with busy season yet to really start for me. Cripes.

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Attempted to read. Attempted being the key word here. Made my revision timetable though.

A bit sad about my lack of weekend social life over the next few months, as if I even had one to miss?

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Steak was worth forgoing my nap for. Only just. It’s been too long since I’ve had pure meat like this. I don’t think I could ever be a vegetarian.

Asked for a different kind of salad and got served the wrong one, only for them to bring a new one instead! Free salad, yay! (Green leaves are gr8, what)

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This new car is too clever for us. One tyre goes under the set pressure and it sets off a warning sign in the car. Ignorance really is bliss.

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To write or not to write, that is the question.

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Sunday

Lifted my stuff off the floor and found Ayana’s letter underneath.I’d completely forgotten about it. It’s nearly a month after she sent it to me, and she deserves a lengthy reply. I’l take it in my bag to work and draft a reply to write next week.

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Revision is going rather fine, if I do say so myself. Of course, I am not even one day in. Time will tell. 

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You know when you can sometimes taste what you had earlier? My cod liver oil capsule obviously broke on the way down, because my mouth has just been flooded with a fish taste. If someone kissed me right now, would they taste it?

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I wrote, and it was liberating. 

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Less than an hour to bedtime and the first edition of a week in anecdotes and not-shower shower thoughts was a success. Here’s to next week and many more.

Deeps 

[falsebooles123]

Diary of a Horror Buff 8.26.22

Ok so I did some car shopping and we've definetly clarified a few things so thats good so lets relax and watch a bunch of short films because we cool cool like that.

Whistle and I'll Come To You (2010) dir. Andy de Emmony

Ok so this is probable one of my favorite adaptations so far. If you haven't ever whistle and I'll come to you then your in for a treat.

Also Please Read this Great adaptation if you want a taste.

the basic story is that a man goes to investigate some ruins and finds a strange whistle, he in jest blows in it but soon he is haunted

BY A SPECTER WHO COMES TO HARINGUE YOU FOR YOUR cRiMeS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

This version is a modern adaptation which is honestly kinda refreshing. In this one an old pensioner checks his catatonic wife into a nursing home and spend some time at a seaside hotel that they had previous spent time in in there youth. He finds a curious ring in the sand and the story plays out roughly the same with nightly visits by a mysterious specter.

I loved this because it touched a bit close to home. I have been a caretaker for both my mother and grandmother and caretaker horror if it can called that calls apon a very poignant level of emotion that goes into that dynamic.

Watching somebody you love slowly die before they ever truly stop breathing is the real horror. Being Trapped in a failing body and mind is the real horror. why should we care about life after death when we have to live with death during life.

Ok so thinking of this movie made me sad again so lets watch somebody saw there head off of something.

Midnight Story (2017) dir. Jinanavin Veerapatra, Chaloempong Balpala

Ok so I kinda love how her mother like look at all these scary pictures of you being scared by monsters under the bed lol.

oh god did that get fucked up real quickly.

so we go from a third person perspective to a first as the little girl creeps down the stairs. Her parents are fighting and that fighting becomes violent. The parents morph into hidious creatures and began fighting again until they see there daughter and start chasing her.

this is an absolutely amazingly shot film and it is terrifrying and fucked up thank you for that.

Woman Who Stole Fingers (2010) dir. Saori Shiroki

CW: Body Horror, stealing peoples joints

ok so this is a animated short film about a women who steals a little boys fingers and toes and as you can imagine kinda fucks up his life cause he kinda needs those to balance and grab things.

I'm not really sure what this movie is about child abuse??? but it is definetly bizarre and uncanny.

Be Your Own Dentist dir. Jon Sims

Oh god I think I might be sick.

CW: Teeth gore.

Ok so this is a 7 minute meditation track were Katya, the only high-class russian whore, teaches us how to pull out our own teeth with a surgical grade titanium pair of pliers.

It makes me gag it makes me choke and as someone who has had very bad teeth in my life hits way way way to close to home.

100.000 Acres of Pine dir. Jennifer Alice Wright

so as a PNW Bitch you know I love a good spooky forest vibe.

In this one a ranger goes farther in the woods while struggling to understand the mysterious death of her brother.

Shenanigans, (eldritch forest locations), ensue.

I of course love everything about this, the PNW Forest Aestetic, The Sap Blood, the music, the Casette Tapes. This is everything I love in movies and they are serving it.

Uncle Josh's Nightmare (1900) dir. Edwin S. Porter

OK I mean I kind had to look at that name.

So this is a pretty straightforward. Uncle Josh wakes up one night and Mephistopheles, (are favorite stock character), shows up to hang out. Uncle Josh aint much for wise guys so he trys to give old splitfoot here a pugilist potion. Mephi didn't care much for that so he pulls some Melies Jump Cuts to fuck with him and then reappears everything???

Honestly its not anything we haven't seen before to be honest. But not to be a bitch but its not like Edwin S. Porter has shown a large amount of originality in these shorts.

Uncle Josh in a Spooky Hotel (1900) dir. Edwin S. Porter

This time its a sequel and this time it involves some ghosts and some slapstick. the more i watch these the more I'm convinced that Porter had a Gay Ass crush on George Melies and this was his way of getting his attention.

The Pit and the Pendulum (1913) dir. Alice Guy-Blaché

Ok so another poe adaptation.

so the original story is pretty simple some dude gets inquistitioned and is casually tortured by the spanish catholic church by a giant axe blade on a pendulum that swings back and forth and gets ever slightly lower and lower. Oh and by the way this is told in first person.

but no serious its pretty fucked up.

also this was hard to get into because it has a really fucking famous clasically piece playing over it which is a little weird cause this is a horror movie and this shit is very clearly Waltz of Flowers which is such a fucking bizarre choice like out of all the classical music out there your gonna play some shit called a waltz of flowers.

anyway in this one some dudes fight over some chick and one of them is a doctor or a monk or something. to be honest I have no Idea.

Sredni Vashtar by Saki (1940) dir. David Bradley

ok so I was not famalier with this story which is a literally ironic giving the font of knowledge that I have been with these things. So Saki was basically a british dude and here is the synopsis from wikipedia.

"Conradin, a sickly 10-year old boy, lives in the care of his despised, overbearing and controlling cousin Mrs De Ropp. He relies on his vivid imagination not only to keep him strong enough to survive, but also to serve as his escape from the real world. Rebelling against Mrs De Ropp's oppressive care, Conradin secretly keeps two animals in an unused garden shed: a hen, which he adores, and a polecat-ferret, which he fears and keeps locked in a hutch. Gradually, Conradin begins to venerate the ferret as a god, naming it Sredni Vashtar. He worships it weekly, bringing offerings of flowers and berries, and stolen nutmeg for special occasions."

So yeah this is the story of a sad lonely boy who worships a ferret. honestly based.

David Bradley is a rather unknown figure to me but apparently he also directed THEY SAVED HITLERS BRAIN, which we all know is a wonderful and not problamatic film.

This was honestly a lovely little gothic story and I'm glad that old crone was a lovely sacrifice.

Porky and Slyvester in Claws for Alarm (1954) dir. Chuck Jones

so this is a much later looney toon short. We've seen early porky pig and honestly the production is so much higher. we have full voice acting, its in color and while for me very little ever truly manages to match the whimsy of the fleischer shorts this one is alright.

Basically Porky and Slyvester find a mysterious hotel but instead of some spooky japes these ghosts are here for blood. like they little ar trying to hang, shoot, slit there throats. Like these ghosts don't fuck around there serving H.H.Holmes realness.

Also porky pig is kinda an asshole for no reason in this short. Slyvester keeps literally saving his life and hes like what are you a Schizo, (which is totes not chill just saying.)

The Alphabet (1969) dir. David Lynch

Ok so it turns out that David Lynch has actually made quite a few fucked up short films goody for me.

Do I understand anything about this absolutely not but am I glad that it exists of course.

OK Whores thats everything that I have for today. thanks for watching with me.

[reasonablespeculation]

Chris Evans/RSDR compilation... my thoughts in bold. (NB: I used to really crush on him and I honestly do not think he’s a bad person in any way, he has good intentions but has also failed in certain ways.)

           I've always been dubious about Cevans being woke. I think he's probably a decent guy overall, but the "woke" thing seems to be more about trying to impress certain women he's into, IMO.             I think he’s woke about certain things but in a very surface-level white male liberal kinda way. He doesn’t put in the work of trying to get beyond his gut-level reaction and it shows.

           I kinda get why CE would be quite about some issues because of A Starting Point and technically has to play the middle man for a bit but it’s also a little hypocritical because I remember him saying in an interview that if you have the power to speak up but stay quite about issues that it’s was gross him which is what he is doing at the moment. I think this is his team’s doing too, they want him to have this image and don’t want anything to tarnish that which again a sad take if you ask me.             YUP

           Chris has to have known that RSDR didn’t sit well with some people which might be the reason why he never promoted the movie like other cast mates. One thing that I really dislike about Evans, as much as a love him, is the fact that he uses pictures of Dodger whenever theres some controversy involving him. Like that tweet about “a beautiful moment” between the killer and brother of the victim, people tried to explain why and soon after pic was tweeted. Some CE stan were so gross during this too.             very yup

           "Could you explain why other than it being a white savior movie that movie was zionist/Israeli propaganda, please?" How is that not enough? There's nothing wrong with white people being heroes, but people are very tired of seeing that myth when in reality POC play the key role in saving themselves--it just gets wiped out of history. And Israel has devolved into an apartheid state, so while no one wants to be anti-Semitic, stories with Israel as the "good guys" don't play well now.             Yeah

           people were upset by his involvement in the zionist/Israeli propaganda movie>> He must not even know what Zionism is. He signed for thinking it was a beautiful story to tell. People give celebrities a lot of credit, they are not as smart as we think. Chris is not as smart as people think. He still has a lot to learn. Celebrities may have a say in everything, but they don't know what the real world is, and they never will.             Chris uses big words which makes people think he’s smart you gotta lol a little bit.

           I think he's not talking because of his website. I saw somewhere that his website is supposted to be imparcial >> I see, but his site is about American politics, he could show support for what is happening in Australia. I don't know about you guys, but with everything that is happening, I don't think the idea of this site is a good one, and it's coming at the wrong time. How to be impartial about politicians who are supporting a possible new war?             I don’t think you can be, which is why I think the project is utterly flawed from the start

           I don’t even think it’s because of his impartial bs political website that his has stopped engaging in political tweets, he got a lot of (and well deserved) flack for that as well. Impartiality doesn’t work when one side is rooted in bigotry. Being an American it’s so hard because by default Democrats are the ‘better party’ and yet there are so many spineless representatives on that side as well. The only white celeb using their platform in the best way imo is Mark Ruffalo, take note Chris             My fave Misha Collins is also a great example of someone really using their platform & mobilizing their fanbase to do good in the world

           I know this is mostly a Seb blog so forgive me for bringing up Chris again but I completely agree, I’ve been so turned off by him. The political climate in the US is so tumultuous, people’s lives are literally at stake everyday both at home and abroad by the mindset and decisions of this current administration, you can’t take a passive or impartial stance anymore. And if you choose as a celeb like Chris to use your platform to be ‘involved’ politically, there needs to be more accountability             Agreed & no need to apologize, it’s obviously something a lot of people wanna discuss

           Cardi B does a better job at taking an actual political stance and uplifting the voices of those marginalized and discriminated against than someone like Chris who does the actual bare minimum TRUST NO WHITE MEN, and yes sadly I include Seb in that (he’s still soft and pure and can colonize me), but that doesn’t mean they deserve to be held to a lesser standard just because they don’t or can’t recognize their privilege             100%

           But here’s the thing, you and I can quietly delete tweets or opinions posted in jest or ignorance because we don’t have a ginormous platform that can validate another individuals ill informed, not that us regular folk get a free pass either but celebs have a bigger responsibility than us             I agree

           I'm just about done with Cevans and his fans. He's still deleting tweets (don't know which ones, but the number went down again), and his fans are just... ugh. The people who ship him with ScarJo are crazier than ever since the Golden Globes happened, and her publicist or whatever had to go and make things worse by liking a manip someone created of Chris and ScarJo (whyyyy would you do that?!). Are their PR teams actually encouraging people to ship them when she's engaged to another man? Classy.             Yike