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abbysfrenchbraid · 4 years ago

Text

Daring - Chapter 2

This is part two of my Abby Mordern!Au, you can read Chapter 1 here.

Masterlist

Abby and the reader have dinner at Abby's place. There is music playing and referenced, so I'd recommend you listen to this playlist with all the songs playing in order as soon as the date night begins. About 10k words.

CW for alcohol consumption, mention of death/murder, mention of dubious consent (and possibly terrible grammar. It's 10pm, I just finished this, I don't have a proofreader atm)

Thyme and Tree Bark

“Don’t mess this up, airhead. Take care!”

“Yeah, yeah. Bye, idiot!”

You closed the door behind Mark as he vanished down the stairs and headed straight for your bed. Though you were less wobbly on your feet after devouring half of a perfectly cheesy pizza with just the right amount of jalapenos, it had thrown you straight into a food coma. Your angel of a brother had come over at noon with two chilled cans of coke and a large pizza from your favorite Italian place and not even ripped open the curtains as he usually did. Instead, he had thrown himself on the bed right next to you, handed you a slice, and demanded you start talking.

Of course, he already knew about Abby and your embarrassing shyness when it came to the buff blonde, so he was extremely proud of the progress you had made with your excruciating crush. You both agreed that Abby had definitely invited you over for a date this week - alone, without Manny there - and that it had to mean she was interested, too. He had laughed about the little bar stint when Abby had shut down your flirt with the hot waitress in an instant and was now 100% sure this was going to go great. As long as you kept it together and didn’t ruin everything. As you often did. This needed some tactical planning.

Mouths full of cheesy delight and laughing at each other’s stupid ideas, you and your brother had come up with a fairly foolproof plan. You would text Abby in 1-2 days, keeping it cool and asking when you should come over. Then, you would suggest making cocktails at home, already granting a fun activity and something to loosen the mood. You would keep it casual and bring over some nice liquor and maybe a bag of chips, perfect for watching a movie. You’d try to keep the conversation casual and try to speak mostly about Abby, asking lots of questions so you didn’t get tangled up in speaking about yourself. If you steered the conversation toward movies, you could watch something exciting and maybe even scary together so you could cuddle up on the couch together. And well, if you got that far, things would probably fall into place naturally. Foolproof. Y/N-proof.

You groaned as you reached over to grab your phone from your nightstand. You had a message from your mom asking if you wanted to come over for dinner next weekend and an email from your professor who wanted to submit your last essay to some kind of grant application. You’d have to answer her later, your head still felt like it was filled with cotton. Instead, you sent Leah a message.

-Hey, you still alive? There’s leftover pizza and coke over here.

Five seconds later, there was a delighted squeal at the other side of the wall and you heard the click of your roommate’s door before yours opened and Leah tiptoe-danced inside, beaming at you. She was wearing nothing but an extremely tight-fitting cropped wifebeater and a khaki thong, accentuating her long legs as she leaped right onto your bed and almost made you fly as her weight hit the mattress. You tried not to stare at her perfectly toned abs as she opened the gigantic carton and held up a slice of pizza over her head, letting the tip dangle in her mouth before biting down with a moan that made you snort awkwardly.

“Good morning, you animal.”

Leah just moaned again, making a grabbing motion with her hand and pointing toward the second can of coke on your nightstand. You laughed silently as you handed her the cold can, condensed water running down the sides and wetting your fingers. You wiped them on the blanket. The tall brunette swallowed hard and took a sip of coke.

“Good morning, womanizer.” She grinned widely. “I’m so proud of you, man. This is the first time I’ve seen you in action and I can safely say Abby was just as surprised as I was.”

You buried your face in your hands.

“Oh god, was I that obvious? Did I do anything inappropriate? I thought it went well, but now I’m not so sure.” You spread your fingers to peak at your roommate who was currently chewing on a ginormous bite, tomato juice running down her chin. No manners, that girl. She just shook her head and made a noise somewhere between protest and encouragement.

“No, you were fine,” she said with a full mouth, “very tipsy, but cute. I hope you remember Abby inviting you to her place.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

You ran your fingers through your hair, immediately getting stuck in a tangle of knots. God, you needed a shower.

“Yeah, I already went over it with Mark. We made a plan so I won’t embarrass myself.”

“Good. I hope it goes well, you two would be cute together. Hot, even. I mean, no one can deny the allure of those biceps. And her ass?! Godly.” She easily evaded the kick you aimed at her ribs, laughing and slapping your shin away.

“Come on, let’s not act like you’re not ogling her every chance you get. I am, too - the woman looks like a greek goddess!”

“That’s enough,” you giggled, aiming another playful kick in her direction but only lightly hitting her in the thigh. “I know what she looks like.”

“Right. And soon, you’ll hopefully see a lot more of her.” This time, Leah jumped off the bed before your toes could sink right into her side. You tried to suppress a grin as you two stared at each other for a moment before Leah sat back down cross-legged and began eating the last slice of pizza.

“I mean,” she said casually, “you have seen more of a woman before, right?”

You grabbed your coke and turned it in your hands before answering.

“Yeah, I have. It wasn’t… It wasn’t all that, though. Just one time and we were both so nervous it was just awkward.”

Now Leah looked at you with a mixture of shock and pity.

“Come on, Y/N. Only once? You’ve never seen stars because of a woman’s tongue? Never screamed into a pillow because of some skilled sapphic strap game? Never lost your mi-”

“Leaahhhh!” You groaned, feeling blood shoot into your cheeks. “No, okay? I… I made the other girl cum, but for me, it was just… it was too unfamiliar and I didn’t know her well enough to really let myself enjoy it.”

Suddenly a thought crossed your mind and you felt your eyes open wide.

“Wait. Has Abby…? Is she..?”

Leah paused mid-bite and thought for a second.

“Well, she does have experience with men, obviously. As far as women go… I honestly don’t know. She’s dated a few, but it never went longer than a couple of weeks. I don’t know how fast things go with her and she’s never gone into detail with me. I have to ask Nora about that.”

“Don’t you dare! She’ll know this is about me and tell Abby!”

“Oh come on, I’m interested, too.” She rolled her eyes. “I’ll tell you so you know what to prepare for, win-win!” She nudged your foot and gave you a mischievous half-smile.

“For god’s sake, do what you must.” You finished your coke and threw it perfectly into the bin beside your desk. Leah gave you an impressed nod. “And now I desperately need a shower. There is a literal nest on top of my head.”

“True,” Leah said and stood up, stretching her limbs as she walked to the door. “Thanks for the pizza. I’m gonna ask Jordan if he wants to come over, so don’t walk out naked if you don’t want a threesome.” She winked at you before closing the door, but a small part at the back of your brain knew that she wasn’t completely joking. You sighed and swung your legs off your bed. No point in lying around, it was past 3 pm anyway.

Grabbing your phone, a shirt, and some clean boxers, you headed for the bathroom. You took your time showering, detangling the mess on your head with lots of conditioner, humming along to Marika Hackman’s cover of I Follow Rivers as you stood under the hot stream of water and brushing your teeth for at least five minutes while waiting for a hair mask to do its magic. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was filled with hot steam and you felt like a whole new person. You slipped into your fresh clothes and held the blow dryer to the mirror until your reflection was clear.

So. Here you were. Finally, you had spoken to the woman of your dreams and even flirted with her. She may have even been jealous of your short conversation with Ellie, the bartender. Tomorrow, you would text her, you would be brave and cool and not at all awkward. As you collected your clothes off the floor and took your phone, you suddenly realized something that would destroy your entire plan. You didn’t even have Abby’s phone number. Why hadn’t you asked her? Of course, you could ask Leah for it, but Abby would know because she knew she hadn’t given it to you. It would be a lot less cool and casual. Fuck.

You stepped into the hallway and ran straight into Jordan. Perfect. Good thing Leah had warned you.

“Oh, hi Y/N! You doing alright after all those tequila shots?” Jordan’s face was open and kind. You immediately relaxed. Just a guy, not a threat.

“Better than I thought I would, actually. What about you?”

“Well, I sent them back out the way they came as soon as I got home.” He grimaced and shrugged. “Just glad I’m still alive, to be honest.”

You had to laugh. “I’m glad, too. Leah would have been devastated.”

“I hope so.” He grinned back. The silence between you stretched a little bit too long.

“Anyways, I’m gonna see what she’s up to. See you later?”

“Yeah, sure!” You said, relieved that he didn’t make it awkward. You quickly slipped into your room and sank down on the bed, composing a text to Mark.

-Minor hiccup - I don’t have her number.

His reply came immediately.

-Shit. What now?

You let yourself fall back on the mattress and covered your face with your arm. Your phone vibrated again and you lifted it up, hoping for a brilliant idea.

-Hey, this is Abby. Are we still on for next week?

You almost dropped your phone on your face. For a minute, you just stared at the message. Then you rolled over onto your stomach and screamed into your pillow.

-Hi Abby. We absolutely are. Y/N.

You tried to suppress a fit of giggles as you texted your brother.

-Nvm, she just texted me.

-Omg what!! Play it cool, don’t answer yet. What did she say???

-Oops already answered. Still on for next week.

-Incredibly casual lol. Whatever, good for you!

-Shut up!

Another text by Abby came in and you actually started drumming your feet on the bed with excitement.

-Tuesday? I could cook for us

-Very impressive, I’ll bite. What time should I come over?

-Very clever. 6pm? Any allergies?

-Vegetarian, hope that’s okay. 6 is great, text me your address?

You watched the little text bubble pop up and vanish again for a good minute, getting more and more nervous for her answer.

- No problem. 2425 Constance.

There was nothing else to do but scream into your pillow again.

The next two days went excruciatingly slow. You spent the rest of your Sunday in bed, watching a terrible zombie movie and later ordering curry because you couldn’t be bothered with preparing any food. As it got late, you suddenly heard a knock on the wall. At first, you thought it was accidental, until the knocking started to continue in a steady rhythm. With a death glare that you hoped would reach through the concrete, you plugged your headphones into your laptop and continued watching your movie.

On Monday, you threw yourself into art history coursework and caught up on your studies, emailed your professor, and spent three hours on an essay about the depiction of blood in paintings of Judith beheading Holofernes. Lovely subject. Even though you got through a lot of your tasks for the day, you couldn’t stop yourself from looking at your phone every 10 minutes to see if you had missed a message. Of course, nothing came up. Around 4 pm, your phone buzzed and you leapt for it only to find out it was Leah asking you to buy toilet paper later. At 6pm, you shut off your laptop and grabbed your backpack to go grocery shopping.

Standing in the liquor store you realized you hadn’t asked Abby about cocktails.

“Looking for something in particular?” the elderly lady behind the counter asked. It seemed to be her own shop and to have been hers for a while, judging by the elegant wooden shelves and the warm, nice feeling of the room instead of neon lights and rows of white metal.

“Uh, yeah, actually. I have a date tomorrow and I thought we could make cocktails, but I forgot to ask what she likes. So now I don’t know what to bring.” You gave her an apologetic half smile. She stood up from her seat behind the register, growing not even 2 inches standing compared to sitting and made her way over to you. Her eyes twinkled behind thick glasses that made her look a little bit like an owl.

“Well, dear. I don’t know if I would go straight into the hard liquor on a first date. On my last first date, we had a delicious red wine, a Merlot. Couldn’t that be something? Are you going to eat anything?”

“Oh yes, she said she’d cook for us, but I don’t know what exactly.”

The shop owner gently put a hand on your arm and guided you to a shelf of dark bottles.

“Well, Merlot goes well with any food, so I think it would be perfect. Cocktails come later, when you dress up and go out together or after a night of theater.” You felt a surge of warmth spread through your chest. Theater? Well, why not? For a second, you began to trail off, imagining Abby in a perfectly tailored suit, you at her arm just as dressed up, every head turning as you entered the room and ordered Gin Tonics at the bar during the break. The voice next to you pulled you back to the present.

“If you’re cooking at home, wine is the thing to bring, trust me.”

“I trust you,” you said with a smile as you took the bottle she handed you. The label was a creamy white, with beautiful golden letters. Hopefully this wouldn’t bankrupt you. “Thank you for your help.”

The shopkeeper sat back down in her chair with a sigh and typed into the cash register. 15.99$. That wasn’t so bad. You paid and gently put the bottle inside your backpack.

“You know, you should come by soon and let me know how it went. I think that Merlot will bring you good luck. My wife and I still have it every Sunday.” Your head snapped up and your eyes met that charming, smart twinkle again, flashing at you out of dark brown irises. For a moment, all of the things you wanted to say were stuck in your throat, then you just broke into a smile.

“That’s wonderful, ma’am. I hope I can have that, in the future.”

“Of course you will, dear.” She really sounded like she meant it. A small lump suddenly appeared in your throat.

“Thank you so much. I wish you all the best.”

“Go get her!”

You laughed and waved at her again as you exited the shop, taking the warmth and comfort of it with you and tucking it right beneath the bottom of your heart and the top of your stomach where you knew it would fuel you for a few days. You had already decided that you would come back and make it your mission to befriend that old lady. What a wonderful woman.

Only 23 hours to go. That night, it was almost impossible to fall asleep.

You got through the next day by once again banning any thought of the evening from your mind and diving head first into your assignments. You were going to lead a discussion on different planes of language or communications in women’s art and literature and reading up on the historical differences between male and female narratives, beginning with the ancient poet Sappho. It was an exciting topic, something you were extremely thankful for. Otherwise you might have been looking at your phone every 3 minutes instead of every 20. Of course, no message from Abby.

The bottle of wine was standing on your nightstand, reminding you of your plans with an exciting tingle in your stomach. At 4pm, you gave up on doing anything productive. You spent forever in the shower, stealing some of Leah’s expensive pink body scrub, shaving everywhere and regretting it immediately because you felt stupid for assuming anything, entertaining the but what if thoughts while you thoroughly lathered your entire body in Leah’s shampoo and shower gel and spending a good 10 minutes just standing under the hot water because you weren’t ready to leave that fantasy yet. When you stepped out of the shower, the bathroom was an actual steam bath and you could hardly see the door through the thick waves of wonderfully scented fog. You took your time stealing some more of Leah’s skincare products, having come to the conclusion that if she noticed anything and scolded you for it, you might as well try out the whole arsenal.

When you finally opened your closet door, feeling luxurious and clean and fresh, it was 5.10pm. What the hell were you going to wear? You and Mark had agreed on casual, but what the hell did that even mean? You decided to ask him.

-Help!!! Freaking out over my outfit, need a definition for casual

-Jeans and T-Shirt, just your standard outfit. Imagine meeting me for sushi.

-I’m bringing red wine. It seems wrong to bring wine in jeans and a t-shirt..

-What happened to cocktails?? Trust me, keep it simple. You don’t wanna turn up in a dress and she opens the door in sweatpants.

-I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in sweatpants. Ughh fuck I don’t have time for this. Jeans and t-shirt it is. Lesbian grandma recommended wine, I’ll tell you about it tomorrow x

-Go get her x

You quickly slipped into some black jeans that were just the right amount of tightly fitting around your ass and a white shirt with a tiny pomegranate embroidered on the front. Then you put on your jacket and quickly threw your wallet, phone and keys into a tote before grabbing the wine and putting it in as well. With a last look into the hallway mirror and a yelled goodbye to Leah, you rushed out of your apartment.

The evening air was not as cool as you had expected and the sun was just about to set. On your way to the train station, you typed out an on my way! message to Abby and quickly deleted it again. No sense in sending it now when you hadn’t spoken since Sunday and were about to see her. The train ride was annoying, the wagon stuffed with commuters and some guy trying to convince you the apocalypse was upon you all. Zombies, not the last judgement - something different at least.

During the walk from the station to Abby’s house, you were sure it wouldn’t take much more for you to actually start levitating. Your heart was pounding in your chest and your throat was so cramped up it was hard to breathe. When you pulled out your phone, your fingers were actually shaking. Jesus Christ, get a grip. 5.58 pm.

And there it was, 2425 Constance. Just a normal suburban white house, like any other in the street. It actually seemed a bit weird, Manny and Abby living here in the midst of what seemed to be a family neighborhood with real adults . Then again, they both weren’t in college, so you supposed they actually were real adults. When you walked up to the front door, you could hear faint music from inside - jazz? You wouldn’t have guessed she was the jazz type, but then again you knew almost nothing about her. Right. Ask questions, keep the conversation about her. Be cool.

You knocked.

Abby opened the door, a wave of warm air hitting you from inside. It smelled delightful. Her face was slightly flushed, her lips parted as she took in a deep breath. She had tied her hair back in a low bun, but a few strands had fallen out and framed her face. One was standing up in a funny angle.

“Hi, Abby,” you said, trying to keep your voice level and not stare at her body. Fuck, she had dressed up. And she looked hot.

“Hi!” A smile slowly grew wide on her face. When she realized that she was blocking the door, she quickly shook her head and stepped aside. “Come in! Can I take your jacket?”

Oh God, this was hopeless. You already knew you were hers. Thanking her, you took off your jacket and she hung it in a closet next to the entrance. When she turned around, you got a chance to admire her fully. She wore wide dress pants that perfectly accentuated all of her muscles, topped with a loose white shirt with wide sleeves, reminding you a little bit of a pirate. Her jewelry rounded off the pirate look and you had to bite back a grin. She raised her eyebrows at you.

“What?” Her cheeks were still slightly red, but you attributed it to standing in a hot kitchen for probably the last hour, judging by the variety of smells overlapping and mixing together, already making your mouth water.

“Uh, I brought wine,” you said and held out the bottle. Eloquent as always. Abby took it and whistled through her teeth as she inspected the label.

“That looks classic. The sauce I made has some wine in it as well, this is perfect. Thank you, what a great idea!”

You were overwhelmed with her generous praise and didn’t know where to look, so you settled on her hands. You had always sneaked looks at her hands, at the way she held a glass or drummed on a table or clasped them when she was intently listening to someone. They looked strong and rough from work, but there was also a delicacy in their movement and you were sure her touch could be as gentle as the brush of a hummingbird flying past. Realizing you were staring, you tore your gaze away.

“It smells delicious in here, I can’t wait to see what you cooked.” You followed her into the kitchen, where she placed the bottle on the counter and took a corkscrew from a drawer. A big red pot was standing on the gas stove over a tiny flame, the lid still hiding its contents. Your stomach suddenly growled loudly into the silence.

“Someone’s hungry.” Abby gave you a side glance and an amused smirk as she screwed the silver device into the cork. “Everything’s already set, we can get started right away.”

You covered your eyes with your hand for a second before laughing.

“Yeah, I kind of forgot to have lunch earlier and then I figured I’d just wait so I could really savour this.”

“Smart thinking. I made patates au vin , a vegetarian version of coq au vin which is chicken in wine. It’s basically potatoes and vegetables in a thick brown sauce, served with some good rustic bread.” You couldn’t stop your eyes from rolling back at the thought of getting to eat home cooked french cuisine made by Abby in a few minutes.

“Oh my God, say that again.” You could barely stop yourself from moaning. Abby laughed and opened the wine with a loud pop.

“Here, take this over to the dinner table. I’m right behind you.” You took the bottle and followed her nod into the dining room. The wooden table was beautifully set with big and small plates, glasses for water and wine, candles, two blue glass bottles of water and a bowl of salad topped with what looked like apples, pomegranate seeds and feta cheese. You carefully placed the bottle of wine next to the water bottles and stepped aside for Abby, who came out of the kitchen carrying the heavy pot and placed it on a cork coaster in the middle of the table.

“Wait, let me just…” she trailed off as she grabbed her phone from the sideboard and changed the music. A saxophone led a jazz band into the song before a beautiful female voice set in, soft as butter and filling the room like the smell of roses. The voice was familiar to you, but you couldn’t quite place it. As Abby sat down, the music came to a crescendo before breaking off, the voice setting in again with a soft

is it a crime?

“Who sings this?” you asked as Abby opened the water bottle and filled your glasses.

“Oh, it’s Sade. She was my dad’s favorite.”

And I want you to want me too, the woman sang, and your eyes met over the table. You swallowed. Was? Not the right time.

“Sade? Oh, she sings Smooth Operator, right? I know that one, but I never checked out more of her music.”

Abby smiled at you and opened the lid of the pot.

“Yeah. This is the Promise album, my favorite. She is a force.”

A wave of steam erupted from the pot and you bent forward to look inside. Thick, roasted wedges of yellow potatoes lay in a bed of orange and purple carrots, mushrooms and tomatoes in a thick brown sauce, a stalk of thyme on top and a bay leaf poking out from the sauce. You weren’t sure if you were drooling, but you didn’t care.

“Abby, oh my God! This is fantastic.”

A spark had lit in her eyes when she heard you say her name. She elegantly stood up again, grabbed a serving spoon, and held out her hand for your plate. You watched her hands again as she plated an array of vegetables for you and used the spoon to draw a little sauce heart on the rim of the plate. Your ribs felt two sizes too small around your chest. This woman was actually going to be the death of you.

“Thanks,” you quietly said and waited as Abby helped herself to a plate. She sat down and gestured toward the small basket with thick slices of grey bread with a dark brown crust.

“Help yourself. Bon appétit.”

After a few moments of eating in comfortable silence before you showered the blonde in an array of compliments, this time not able to refrain from moaning when you bit into a tender, sweet purple carrot, the conversation began to flow. Abby complimented the wine, you talked about your studies, Abby told a few work stories in which both she and Nora were involved, you told her about your close relationship with your brother and she bittersweetly reminisced about her upbringing as an only child with a single dad. It had just been the two of them, moving frequently because of his changing jobs in different hospitals. He had been a neurosurgeon, and a brilliant one at that, but always humble and ready to help wherever he could. Abby sat up straighter when she talked about him, her chest actually swelling with pride when she told you about one time they had rescued an injured horse that had run away and been hit by a car in front of them.

“I think I was 16 back then. It’s one of my favorite memories of him. It actually wasn’t long before…” Her eyebrows moved into a frown and she bit her lip, pushing a small piece of onion around her plate. Fuck, maybe it would have been easier to talk about you, after all.

“We don’t have to talk about it. You can tell me when you’re ready.”

She looked up and you expected to see tears, but her eyes were full of love and her face smoothed out into a gentle smile.

“No, it’s okay. I’m still working on it, and part of my therapy is telling people who don’t know yet. You know, I don’t really have a lot of friends.” She suddenly laughed, easing the tension at the bottom of your lungs. “That sounds stupid, of course I do. I have Manny and Nora and Leah and Jordan and Owen, I guess. But the thing is, they all knew me before. I haven’t really made friends ever since my dad.. passed away. The idea of needing to open up to someone about all this so I can develop a real connection and friendship with them is just a lot to bear.”

“The mortifying ordeal of being known,” you mumbled, more to yourself, crumpling up your napkin in one hand.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, it’s this quote from a New York Times article that has been floating around the internet for a while. ‘If we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known’.” You looked up at her and inhaled deeply. “It’s something I’m also terrified of. Although it seems kind of stupid sometimes, because compared to you for example, I don’t really have a good reason.”

Abby looks at you like she’s just discovered something extremely interesting. She takes a sip of her wine before answering, her silver rings blinking at you in the candlelight.

“It’s not at all stupid. I’ve always been very careful with who I open up to, even before my dad died. It’s horrifying, laying yourself bare for a person, putting yourself on a silver plate and handing it to them and saying there, now do with it what you wish. Maybe they’ll look at it and say no, thanks. Maybe they’ll call everyone and say hey, look at this mad woman with her twisted insides, isn’t that funny? Maybe they’ll see it and think, I can do this, and then after a few years they suddenly realize they actually can’t and you’re way too much and so they leave for someone with a more simple, prettier silver plate. Maybe they’ll even take a few pieces with them as they go.”

She didn’t sound bitter as she said it, and she didn’t look terribly sad either, more as if she was making an observation about something she was mildly interested in. You didn’t know what to say except for show me your silver plate, please show me your all, and I will devour it, savor it, keep it with me forever. But you stayed silent, your tongue stuck to the roof of your mouth.

“I’m quite the handful, am I? Sorry, I shouldn’t have thrown all this” - she gestured toward herself - “at you during our first date.” Then her eyes widened as she realized what she had said. “Fuck, sorry, I just assumed… you probably don’t…”

Finally, movement came back into you. You jumped from your chair and were next to her in a few paces. She lifted a hand and you took it in yours.

“Of course this is a date,” you said gently and smiled at her. “Otherwise why would I have been this nervous for the past three days, thinking of nothing but you, constantly checking my phone to see if you texted me? And I brought red wine, come on.” That brought a smile to her face. She chuckled lightly.

“So I haven’t just ruined everything?” The hope in her eyes was mixed with real, honest fear.

“No, of course not. I’m glad you’re being open with me. You know, I planned not to reveal too much about myself tonight, fearing I would scare you away or say something stupid and make you suddenly lose interest.”

The current song ended and a soft, funky beat came on. There it was again, that twinkle in Abby’s eyes. Your hands were still clasped around hers and she made no move to pull back.

“Well, now I can’t wait to see what you have in store for me. Lay it on me. Over dessert, maybe?”

You raised your eyebrows.

“There’s dessert? You’re going to have to roll me out of here later.”

She laughed, warm and genuine, and the pride you had felt back in The Closet filled your chest again. You would do anything just to be the one to make her laugh every day for the rest of your life. She got up and you both started clearing the table together.

Never going to know

What fate is going to blow

Your way, just hope that it feels right

Could that Sade lady be any more on the nose? You risked a glance at Abby, who was smiling to herself. You followed her into the kitchen and she opened the fridge to produce a large glass dish, showing the several layers of biscuit and white cream, topped with dark cacao.

“Tiramisu? Seriously Abby, how much time did you spend in the kitchen today?”

She gave you a crooked grin before exiting the kitchen.

“Took the day off.”

You just sighed and went back into the dining room.

Such a fine time as this

“Here.” Abby handed you a small plate with a piece of her gourmet tiramisu. Your fingers brushed against each other and you both paused for just the blink of an eye.

What could equal the bliss

The thrill of the first kiss

You sat down and grabbed the small fork left next to your wine glass. On second thought, you took another sip of Merlot. It really was exquisite.

“Buon’ appetito,” you said and sliced off a perfect edge of tiramisu. The soft, coffee-drenched biscuit fell apart on your tongue, mixing with the heavy vanilla-flavored mascarpone. “Did you know where the name tiramisu comes from?”

Abby lifted her fork to her mouth and softly closed her lips around the piece of creamy dessert. You were entranced, watching her hand sink down to the table again, then her jaw moving and flexing as she chewed. She raised her eyebrows questioningly and you cleared your throat, taking another piece on your fork.

“ Tira mi su is Italian for ‘pull me down’. It’s the last thing you eat after dinner and the thing that makes you tired, pulls you right into the food coma. In restaurants, it rounds off the meal and guests will probably leave in the following hour because they feel they’re ready to go home.”

Never as good as the first time

Natural as the way we came to be

“Oh,” Abby said, her voice quiet. She looked up at you through dark lashes. “And are you going home after this?”

“No.” You said it without thinking, only knowing what was true in your heart. “I don’t want to.”

“I’m glad.” Taking a deep breath, Abby straightened up, then reached a hand across the table, her palm facing up. You stared at it for a fraction of a second before placing your hand in hers, feeling something fall into place inside you. The glances you exchanged said so much more than you could possibly dare to say out loud right now.

You used your free hand to stab the last piece of tiramisu. This time it was Abby who was watching you with hungry eyes as the fork vanished between your lips and emerged clean.

“This tiramisu could be the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life,” you said after swallowing and Abby’s fingers twitched ever so slightly around your hand.

“Thank you. I’m really into French and Italian cuisine, as you may have noticed.”

You leaned back in your chair, careful not to pull back your hand.

“I couldn’t do it, honestly. Spending so much time in the kitchen. Especially not with a job like yours, on your feet all day. I’d probably survive off of pasta and takeout.”

Abby smiled and began slowly drawing circles on the back of your hand with her thumb. You were already hyper-aware of how your blood rushed through every vein of your body, a side-effect of the red wine, but now it came to a roar in your ears.

“I guess I need some kind of hobby besides lifting weights. It calms me down. And it’s not just about the end result, about getting to eat something, but also about picking the right ingredients, taking my time cutting them up, trying new recipes with new flavors, and learning more about food and culture, and honestly about myself. It’s like meditating.”

“That sounds…” you were at a loss for words, “unbelievable? I’ve never heard someone talk about cooking like that. And I’ve never felt that way about it, too. I guess I’d like to, though. It sounds nice.”

Abby brushed her thumb over your knuckles.

“Well, I could show you.” You tilted your head slightly. “I mean, we could cook together. Next time. If you want to?”

Sade’s voice, smooth as polished wood and dripping with honey cut into the moment.

How could I have doubted

Honey, it's with me that you belong

“Yeah, I’d love to. What do you have in mind?”

“Do you like lasagna? We could make a vegetable lasagna and substitute the meat for soy. I could show you how to make a béchamel.”

You laughed and squeezed her hand.

“I love lasagna, although I have no idea what a beshmel is.”

“You’ll just have to wait and see.” Abby’s face was glowing with happiness.

As the last two songs of the album played, you helped Abby clean up the table. You got into an argument about doing the dishes - Abby said she’d do it later but you insisted you would do them now or at least help because so far you had not lifted a finger.

“Come on, Abby, please let me help?” You tried your best doe eyes at her. She grinned and playfully slapped your upper arm.

“Okay. But I’ll put on different music.”

She vanished to the dining room while you began filling the sink with water. A high note filled the room before a man spoke.

You broke my heart / 'Cause I couldn't dance

You didn't even want me around

And now I'm back / To let you know

I can really shake 'em down

Abby stepped into your field of vision. The music set in, a delightful 60’s rock and roll melody, and Abby began dancing toward you with tiny steps and shaking shoulders. She was lip synching to the coarse voice of the singer and reaching out her hands for you. Snapping out of your frozen position, you shook your head, grabbed her hands, and were immediately twirled through the kitchen. A squeak escaped you as Abby pulled you back toward her and with another pirouette, you almost slammed into her chest. You both laughed out loud, continuing to dance through the kitchen with big, overexaggerated moves, flailing your arms and shuffling your feet across the tile.

I can do the twist

Now, tell me baby

Do you like it like this?

You quickly began singing along to the simple lyrics and both of you were giggling at each other’s dance moves. The next song was Stand By Me and you both settled down, beginning to clean the pots and dishes. You did the washing while Abby dried off the pieces you gave her and put them back into the right cupboards. Both of you were swaying and humming along to the music.

During the second chorus, both of you began belting along, filling the kitchen with the wonderfully familiar sound of slightly drunk women singing together. As the song ended, you both comically froze and waited for the next song to set in. When it was La Bamba by Ritchie Valens, you both continued singing along and showing off some probably terrible salsa moves. You were done in no time and Abby took your hand, pulling you into the dining room and sliding across the wooden floors with you. Your stomach hurt from laughing and you couldn’t stop smiling.

Next came the bittersweet Be My Baby by the Ronettes, a song you remembered from your childhood, vague memories of your parents slow dancing together after another terrible fight. You swallowed down the hint of bitterness creeping up from your stomach. Instead, you looked up at Abby, almost a full head taller than you, and dared yourself to step forward. You placed your right hand in Abby’s and your left on her tricep, coming unbearably and exhilaratingly close. Abby put her hand on your back, right below your shoulder blade, warming you through the fabric of your shirt. Your faces were incredibly close, her breath warm on your nose, and you could have counted every single freckle on her beautiful face. There was a slim ring of gold around her pupil, complimenting the green of her iris. She was breathtaking.

You couldn’t take this any longer. Should you kiss her? Everything inside you wanted to, but you couldn’t bring yourself to close the last inch of distance. It felt like wanting to do a handstand but pulling back at the last second every time because of a deep fear of failing and hurting yourself. It was terribly frustrating.

Instead, you leaned your head against the round muscle of Abby’s shoulder, turning your face toward her chest and pressing your temple to her collarbone. You could smell the herbs she had used to cook earlier in the fabric of her shirt, but her skin smelled like pine and something else, earthy and dark, like tree bark or wool. Abby rested her chin against your forehead and her low hum of contentment vibrated against your cheek.

A light waltz melody began, Unchained Melody, a song you knew from some commercial and had listened to for a few weeks straight after.

I need your love

God speed your love to me

You smiled to yourself and could sense Abby was doing the same. You kept slowly turning, dancing through the candle-lit room and swaying side to side. The band set in louder and you lifted your head again. Abby’s eyes were fixed to yours, but you couldn’t stop yours from wandering lower, finding those perfectly pink lips, hanging open ever so slightly. Your hand wandered upward, along her shoulder, and to the back of her neck. As the last verse of the song began, you stood on your tiptoes and brushed your lips against her. Abby inhaled sharply, her fingers spreading on your back and pressing against your skin. You gently pressed your lips to hers again and this time, she kissed you back. You dug your fingertips into the back of her neck, desperately wanting to come closer, to pull her down to you, hell, you would climb her like a tree if you had to.

Feeling courageous, you stuck your tongue out and ran the tip upward over her lips. Abby instantly reacted, opening her mouth for you and greeting your tongue with hers. She tasted like wine and cacao, and faintly like thyme. Releasing your hand, she wrapped her arms around your waist. You reached up and buried your hand in her hair. She gasped into your mouth. You tucked that sound away for later, swearing to yourself you would make her do it again as often as you could.

A few seconds of silence between songs were disrupted by your wonderfully frivolous wet kissing sounds and a small whine that escaped you when Abby’s hand wandered lower to cup your ass. The first guitar chords of Nights In White Satin vibrated through the air and Abby grabbed you tightly before lifting you off the ground and wrapping your legs around her hips. She carried you over to the dining table and set you down.

The dramatic crescendo in the song you loved so much began.

And I love you

Yes I love you

Oh, how I love you

The singer’s voice filled every corner of the room, his declaration hovering above you, the high voices of the background singers ringing in your ears and Abby’s hands everywhere, her body leaning over you, her hips pressed between your legs. You flexed your legs to pull her in closer, almost falling apart when Abby let out a low moan and rocked her hips forward against you. Then she suddenly slowed down and broke the kiss.

“Wait, let’s talk for a second.”

You kept your legs clamped around her, but relaxed back a little, brushing back a strand of hair from her forehead and giving her an encouraging nod to go ahead.

“I haven’t… I’m not that experienced with - with women. And generally. And I don’t want to rush things and do something wrong and lose you. I don’t really know how this works and I want to do it right.”

Her hands on your waist tightened slightly. You gave her a shy smile.

“Me neither. I’m scared, too.” You surprised yourself with your openness. “How about we take this slow, then? Talk about everything openly? And just go one step at a time?”

Abby nodded and pulled you closer again.

Holding Back The Years began playing.

“One kiss at a time.” She gave you a gentle peck on the lips.

“Oh, really? I would have never picked you as the sappy type,” you laughed against her lips.

“You wouldn’t?” She acted shocked. “Let me remind you of how I took the day off to cook a gourmet french dish for you.”

“True.” You shrugged and pulled her in for another kiss. “It’s probably the muscles. With those guns, you can do anything and still be taken seriously.”

Abby snorted and you realized that had been the wine talking. For a second, you were mortified, then she scooped you up again, holding your body with one arm as she ran her free hand through your hair.

“Oh, those? You know, they’re specifically for carrying you around all day. Anything for my - princess.” You had very well noticed the little pause there, but you decided not to say anything yet. Instead, you lifted your chin and eyebrows, imitating what you thought a royal would look like.

“Well, what does that make you? You’re obviously not a prince. My lady knight?”

Abby nodded solemnly.

“Sworn to protect and defend you. And to carry you wherever.”

“Well, do you have a sofa you could carry me to?” You tightened your hold on her shoulders and leaned in closer again.

“Of course, my lady.”

Abby carried you through a doorway at the back of the dining room into a cozy living room, equipped with a large sofa and a gigantic flatscreen tv, two vintage armchairs, a wooden bookshelf with at least 100 books, and a desk facing the window, medical books spread across the surface. The blonde sat down on the sofa and you knelt left and right of her hips, straddling her as you gave her another soft kiss.

“You know,” you began, “I’ve been crushing on you for months now. I thought you had absolutely no interest in me. I didn’t even know you liked women.”

Abby’s eyes widened at your confession.

“Shit, I had no idea. You weren’t exactly forward, you know. The first time we met, you already had this pull on me. But you were so shy and I didn’t want to jump you or annoy you, so I tried to keep my distance and wait if you would come around.”

“You have Leah to thank for that. Me coming around. I kind of forgot to come out to her until karaoke night and she told me you were dating women as well. She knows I’ve been a hopeless case when it comes to you, but she wanted me to figure this out on my own.”

Abby thought about this for a second.

“Yeah, Leah probably only told you because she knew I liked you, too. I haven’t been that open about dating women in the past, just because talking about dating in general was weird with Owen and Mel around and I also just don’t like everyone knowing my personal business.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “As I said, I hadn’t even been out to Leah. Mostly because I haven’t dated anyone in forever and the last time was a disaster not worth talking about.” You winced at the memory.

“You wanna tell me anyway?”

You thought about it for a second, then you climbed off Abby’s lap and laid down on the sofa, resting your head on her thigh. Her fingers immediately began brushing through your hair and massaging your scalp.

“Well, I met this girl during a freshman party at a sorority house the weekend before my first semester in college,” you began. You had felt weirdly out of place, but were determined to speak to at least one person. A few hours and an almost-lethal amount of tequila later, the girl you had talked to all night had dragged you into one of the bedrooms. You both had no previous experience, were extremely drunk and it was already 5am. You had fun making out and were both eager to try more, but it had been more out of curiosity than desire for each other and so the experience had not ended in the expected bliss of lesbian sex. Rather, she had come pretty quickly and afterward she'd begun crying and told you she had a boyfriend, and you had gotten dressed and fled the house. After that, dating in college was not really something you thought about much.

Abby listened to your story with interest and sympathy, laughing at a few parts and stroking your hair as you told her about the end of that fateful night. She felt deeply sorry for your experience of strangeness and betrayal, immediately promising to you that she would always tell you what was going on inside her head and what she wanted.

“Like you just did,” you smiled at her. “That was brave. It’s what I should have done that night.”

“I mean, I had a few weird moments, too, before I learned to speak my mind.” Abby’s gaze unfocused and she frowned as she clearly recalled some not very pleasant memories.

“Wanna tell me, too?” you asked, keeping your voice light. She nodded, looking down at you again.

“I mean, there's Owen, obviously. That didn’t work out well and now he is with Mel, leaving me wondering if he was interested in her while we were still together. After we broke up, Nora and I went on a little bender.” Your heart jumped into your throat. Did Abby and Nora...? A wave of jealousy rose from the bottom of your stomach, but you forced yourself to keep your calm, smiling at Abby as she continued.

“We spent every weekend at a different bar, and one of them was actually at The Closet. Nora was making out with a woman in actual overalls” - she snorted - “and I just hung out at the bar, drinking Long Islands and not brave enough to make eye contact with anyone. And then the bartender started talking to me.”

Suddenly realization dawned on you. You sat up and stared at Abby.

“Wait, Ellie? The short-haired one?”

Abby grimaced.

“Yeah. We talked for a while and I came back the next week with Leah and Jordan. They didn’t even notice I was spending a lot of time at the bar. Ellie and I met for coffee a few days later and I mentioned my dad and she got really quiet and strange. Turns out, she’s related to the guy that murdered my dad, so...”

You were pretty sure your heart stopped for a moment, all the air in your chest building up pressure as you tried to figure out how to breathe out. Abby noticed and gently guided you to lay back down, continuing to weave her fingers into your hair.

“It’s okay, Y/N. I’ll tell you the whole story another time. So yeah, Ellie and I. It was horrible, but we still stayed and talked for a while. She couldn’t tell me a lot about what happened, but she had no idea that I even existed and she was about to have a panic attack over it all. I helped her calm down and then she felt terrible for reacting so badly when it should be me panicking and I just told her that there’s nothing any of us can do now and we should probably leave it at that.” She sighed. “I hadn’t been to The Closet until a few days ago. I only came because I knew you’d be there.”

“Fuck, that’s terrible,” you mumbled. “I don’t think I could have gone back there. I’m still glad you did, though.”

“Me too,” Abby said, her voice gentle and honest. She leaned down to kiss you, deeply and passionately.

You stayed on the sofa for the next few hours, talking about school crushes and gay awakenings, about women constantly hitting on Abby and her being confused for a long time. She told you more about her relationship with Mel and you started to actually resent that woman. Who did she think she was? You told Abby about living with Leah and about your current research projects and she listened intently, asking a lot of questions about the art you were analyzing. You began diving into queer art and Sappho and your theory on the different languages of different social groups. Abby actually gave you some great new ideas and some good questions you couldn’t yet answer and you were actually beginning to look forward to writing tomorrow.

As the clock moved past midnight, it became clear you would have to leave at some point soon. Abby had to get up at 7 in the morning for a 10-hour shift, and you had stifled one too many yawns. You were cuddled up on the couch, kisses interchanging with long, deep conversations and more kisses.

“I can accompany you to the station,” Abby suggested as you looked up the departure times on your phone.

“You don’t have to. That’s sweet of you, but I’ll find the way.” You kissed her for her generosity, but she pulled back.

“Honestly. I don’t want you walking alone. I’ll go with you.” A sheepish smile appeared on her face and she did a tiny bow. “My lady.”

You rolled your eyes and got up, making your way to the entrance hall. Abby gently helped you into your coat and put on a black bomber jacket, a strange but hot combination with her fancy pants. She opened the door for you and you stepped out into the cold night together.

You held hands on the way to the station, stopping at every corner to make out, laughing together, and making plans for your lasagna night. You would come over on Thursday, promising to yourself you would finish all your coursework until then. Manny would come back on Friday, so you’d have the house to yourself again.

You arrived at the station way too soon, but your train was announced to arrive in two minutes. Heavy-hearted, you flung your arms around the tall blonde and she wrapped hers around your waist, lifting you up for another deep kiss.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” she whispered against your lips.

“I’ll even dress up next time,” you mumbled and she grinned at you.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in anything but jeans and a t-shirt. I’m excited.” Well, now you had to go shopping. Leah would be delighted to go with you.

You pressed a last kiss to Abby’s lips before unwrapping yourself from her arms as the train rolled into the station. As you stepped away, she caught your hand and pulled you back for another one, cheekily running her tongue over your bottom lip. You sighed and kissed her hand, wrapped firmly around yours, before stepping back and boarding the train. You waved at her through the window as you departed and watched her stand on the platform until she was out of sight.

Letting yourself fall into one of the seats, you pulled out your phone and texted your brother.

-We kissed!!!! Call me when you can

Then you texted Leah about shopping tomorrow, just able to send the text before your phone vibrated with a new message.

-You looked beautiful tonight. I’m the luckiest person in the world.

You tried to keep your squeal as quiet as possible. A woman a few seats ahead of you briefly looked up from her phone.

-Can’t believe I have a personal knight who will carry me wherever I want to go

The reply came in seconds.

-Anywhere and anything you want. Text me when you’re home!

-Can I text you before I’m home? I miss you already :(

You had to wait a few minutes before your phone vibrated again. This time, Abby was calling.

“Sorry, I was cleaning up and getting ready for bed.” She sounded a bit breathless.

“No worries,” you said. “What are you wearing for bed?”

Abby let out a surprised laugh.

“Really, now?”

“I’m serious. I want to imagine being with you.”

“Well, I’m wearing a gigantic black t-shirt with a ton of holes and boxers.”

You closed your eyes, envisioning Abby’s thighs straining against the hem of her shorts and the soft cotton of her shirt that you could bury your face in. She would smell like nature and like home somewhere far away.

“I wish I was there.” You noticed you were sounding desperate. Fucking hell, were you about to turn into a 13-year-old? You could hear the smile in Abby’s voice when she spoke.

“I wish you were here with me, too.” She paused for a moment. Then, “Do you want to sleep over on Thursday?”

“Uhm -” you had to think for a second, remembering you only had dinner plans for Friday with your mom. Before you could answer, Abby cut in again

“Fuck, am I rushing you? I didn’t mean - I just thought it would be nice, falling asleep together. But I totally get if that’s -”

“Abby! Of course I want to stay over!” You clenched your free hand into a fist, punching your thigh a few times in order to divert the explosion of energy inside your chest.

“Oh, thank god,” Abby’s shaky laugh was heart-wrenching. “I thought I messed up already.”

You stood up to exit at your station.

“No, not at all. I’d love to fall asleep with you.”

The way to your apartment was over faster than you wanted it to be.

“I’m home now. I think I should hang up, Leah is probably sleeping.”

“Yeah, don’t wake the monster.” Abby chuckled.

“Good night, Abby. Tonight was incredible.”

“Good night, Y/N. You’re incredible. Sleep tight.”

Author's note: Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! If you'd like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here

#abby anderson #abby tlou #abby tlou2 #the last of us 2 #tlou abby #abigail anderson #abby fic #abby anderson fluff #abby anderson fanfiction #ellie #ellie tlou #leah tlou #jordan tlou #owen moore #owen x mel #mel tlou #owen tlou #abby x reader #abby anderson x reader

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unprofessional-bard · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 3 - To Have and to Hold

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Warnings: Depressive episodes + some suicidal thoughts... mostly angst but some fluff?? :")

Summary: The reader gets better and better each day, fitting better into her new life in Jackson, while Joel and Ellie continue their journey. The reader, after over five months, is greeted by unexpected visitors during patrol one day.

Word Count: 6.034. Grab a snack maybe?

Author's Note: As I mentioned in the previous chapter, I don't have PTSD or depression, but I do a lot of research about these mental illnesses before I write; once more, my last wish is to offend any of you, so my deepest apologies if I do! ! I do hope you like it!

Enjoy!

"(Y/N), you up?" You heard Tommy's voice as he and Maria peeked into the room.

"Thanks to you, yes." The edges of your lips turned up, eyes still closed.

"You've been asleep for almost five hours, we got worried." Maria said. "Tommy wanted to talk to you."

You opened your eyes, watched Maria leave and Tommy sit on a chair beside your bed: "How you doin'?"

"No nightmares," You sighed and pulled yourself up and leaned your back on the wall. "The bed was pretty comfortable, I'd say my body's rested at least. You found Ellie?"

"Yeah, about that," Tommy scratched the back of his head. "We found her, she's alright but..."

It turned out that Ellie and Joel had been on the road for awhile and that Joel and Tess were tasked with carrying her across the country because she was a potential cure, a way to save humankind. Joel apparently wanted Tommy to take her to the Fireflies and convinced him to do so too, but just after they found Ellie and brought her back to town, Joel had a change of mind and took off with Ellie to Salt Lake City. You felt sick again, finding out that Ellie was immune and she was gone now, without saying a goodbye. You zoned out and stared at your hands resting on your lap.

"But uh, Maria arranged a house for you," Tommy smiled softly.

You nodded, still feeling numb and shocked: "Appreciate it..."

Tommy reached out and gave a firm squeeze to your shoulder: "They're going to be okay, (Y/N)... Now Maria told me what kind of a bond you shared with Ellie and I know you're upset, but she's capable of taking care of herself. Now Joel, much of an asshole he is- he's going to protect Ellie and they're gonna be just fine. They'll be back, don't you worry."

You nodded again and looked at him when he told you to get up so he can show you around and to your new house.

It had been so long since you'd seen lights and so many people together, people who didn't attack or yell orders at each other. They were just happy, minding their own businesses and, according to Tommy, headed to the 'theatre'. But for some reason you couldn't truly feel happy about it- getting a random headache instead. You could really use another nap right now.

"Here you go," Tommy led you to a small, cabin-like house. There was a salon and a kitchen to the left, and a bathroom and small living room to the right and right across the hallway, a bedroom; there was also a small balcony and garden connected to the bedroom. You couldn't have asked for anything more from neither Maria nor Tommy. "Take a bath and get rid of your clothes - Maria got you some new ones. We're going to have dinner in an hour or so, I'll send a guy to pick you up. That okay?"

"Yeah," you sucked your lips in and sighed, wrapping your arms around yourself. "Thank you Tommy. Really-"

"Don't mention it," Tommy patted your arm. "Think of this as a repayment from that last time, or just... humanly behaviour, you choose."

You sighed and felt your eyes water again, quickly wiping it with your palm.

"I'll leave you to it," Tommy said and walked away. You gulped and let out a shaky breath, entering your new house and closing the door. You walked around slowly, taking short looks at the rooms as you approached your new bedroom. Maria had left a pair of jeans, which at first looked too small for you, a black undershirt with black, normal panties along with a dark red, turtleneck sweater. They smelled as if they were fresh out of a washing machine. You dropped your backpack on the floor next to your bed, then lurked back to the bathroom to start the water.

You came back to the bedroom to take out some stuff from your backpack when you noticed a note left on the bed next to the sweater:

Hey! I hope these clothes are okay. Neither of us knew what size you wear, so I took a few guesses and, if they don't fit you or if they're too warm/cold, just let me or Tommy know and I'll try to find something else for you. You can put your dirty clothes in the bin outside the entrance, someone will come and pick them up. I hope you like it here :)

Maria

You smiled briefly, then picked up the gas lamp on your nightstand (which worked with a candle) and put the note under it. Your fingertips lingered on the lamp as you felt a great amount of guilt and grief settle in you. I don't deserve this, you thought to yourself and bit your bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

Too much to think about...

Too many people to grieve...

You almost forgot about the bathtub and went back to the bathroom, to find it almost completely filled. You saw a pink soap at the edge of the bathtub which you didn't notice- or forgot? Whatever, there was a goddamn soap you could clean yourself with.

You took off your clothes and threw them into a pile and slowly dipped yourself in the warm water, sighing at the contact. Dry blood immediately changed the colour of the water a little but you couldn't bring yourself to wash your body just yet. Instead, you pulled your legs to your chest, wrapped your arms around them and placed your chin on your knees. This gave you a moment to think: To think about everything you've done, everything you've seen, everything you've been through; Why me? I don't deserve this. were the only words echoing through your mind, convinced that you truly didn't deserve to be alive. Your chest felt really tight all of a sudden and you forced yourself to calm down again, only to remember that you can cry, sob, whine and grieve your loved ones now. You were safe and sound, no one was around and you didn't have to stay strong for anyone anymore. You could put your guard down and be fragile, like a porcelain doll.

Tears began streaming down your face.

You closed your eyes tightly, pulled your knees closer and held your arms tighter as you bewailed; like you'd simply die if you dared hold it in any longer.

Felicity... Kurt... Maxim... Amanda... Robin and Cole...

They deserve this- they deserve a good life, I don't.

I let them down, get them all killed and get a fucking reward for it? Unbelievable.

Your fingers brushed your hair back as you cried and whined, leaning back on the wall to your right. You covered your face with both of your hands, dry blood around your body dissolving into the water in the meanwhile.

You had no idea how long you'd been crying, but you immediately stopped when there was a knock on the door.

"(Y/N), sorry to bother you," It was Maria. "I brought you some shoes, socks and some other stuff I thought you might need."

Your chin trembled as you panicked in the tub, water now cold: "I- I'm in the bath right now!"

"Okay, I'll just-" You heard the door open after you noticed how your voice cracked. "I'm leaving these here... are you alright?"

"Yeah," you nodded, wiping your tears aimlessly. "Is someone gonna come grab me for dinner or are you it?"

"Oh, no, there's still less than half an hour. I'll send someone when the time comes, don't worry."

"Okay- erm, thank you," You replied and she left with a sincere not a problem.

You started washing yourself with the soap, which felt really nice. You were actually going to smell nice for a change. It took you around ten minutes to wash yourself whole. Although you were still hurt and sad, Maria's brief presence had unintentionally calmed you down and you convinced yourself that it was enough for one day. You now had the rest of your life set in front of you, you could practically grieve whenever you wanted, right?

You dried yourself with the towels beside the sink, wrapping your head with one of them as you got dressed. Your wrists were healed for the most part, leaving behind marks which would be the reminder of your survival, but they didn't sting anymore. Now you had to worry about your waist which surprisingly didn't hurt as much. Probably because of the proper treatment and medicine you were provided with.

The weather was cold and the day was going darker by the minute. You put on every piece of clothing that were given to you, grabbing the stuff Maria left for you off the ground and finally dropping on the bed, laying down on your back, arms spread across the mattress. You suddenly had this terrible feeling that you were going to have trouble sleeping alone at night: Back in your FEDRA days, you always shared a bunk or a room with your teammates, always slept around a fire together when you were out of the base. There was always someone with you, which made you sleep better even in your worst days. Before you came here, you didn't have your friends but you had Ellie... and Joel.

Oh how you had missed them already.

The worst part was, you almost didn't know anybody here. Tommy was the closest person you could call a friend and you didn't even want to talk about Maria. As sincere as she was, you got to know her just today. You felt uncomfortable sharing your story with her, you knew you'd feel even more uncomfortable when it came to sharing your emotions.

You didn't realise a few tears had forced their way out of your closed eyelids and down your face until there was a knock on your door.

"Uh, hello? Maria sent me to come and get you..." You heard a deep voice laced with a southern accent, which reminded you of Joel's a little but it wasn't as heavy as his.

"Yup, coming," you huffed and got up, wiping at your eyes with the back of your hands.

You were really torn between wanting to be alone and wanting company, so you decided to let other people take over.

You also grabbed Kurt's knife before you went to the door, just in case.

"Uh, hi there," The man greeted you. You felt like you'd seen him before but you weren't sure. He was tall and slender, a lot taller than you were; he had dark red, wavy hair and green eyes, freckles splattered around his face and forearms. Looking into more detail, he had a tall, turn-up nose, light facial hair and lips which reminded you of a model's - they weren't chapped and they were quite plump. His cheeks and nose were reddened, probably because of the cold but his lips had a natural redness to them.

"Hi," you sighed, taken aback. "I'm, uh, (Y/N)."

"I know. I'm Walt," He smiled softly and handed a piece of cloth over to you. "Maria told me she didn't have a jacket with a hood, that I should bring this so you could cover your hair."

It was a slouch beanie with a pompom attached to it. Your face scrunched up, you never thought you'd be wearing these and you didn't want to, but your hair was wet and you really weren't in the mood to add more to your headache.

"Uh, thank you." You muttered awkwardly and put the beanie on.

"Here," Walt reached out for the beanie, making you flinch. "It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you..." He smiled sincerely and adjusted the beanie. "Better. Shall we?"

"Let's," you sighed, not really knowing what to say to him. He was quite handsome, you were expecting someone old and grumpy to come get you, not a cute guy with-

Cute?!

Goddammit.

"It's nice to see a new face," Walt commented, putting his hands in his jean's pockets. "Maria told me you were spec ops- I never thought I'd meet another outside a QZ."

You halted and looked at him: "You're spec ops too?"

"Yup, that's why she sent me, thought maybe you'd need someone who relates to you?" Walt explained. He visibly tensed when you didn't respond: "I'm sorry, was I too forward?"

"Oh- not at all, I'm just surprised is all. Where did you come from?" You asked as you two kept walking.

"I was born in Denver, grew up and enlisted there too. I served under FEDRA in Denver for a few years before being sent to Boston... What a pain in the ass."

"Yeah, I was in Boston for- ever. I knew I'd seen you somewhere." You sniffed and tried to smile.

"Boston was hell," He groaned. "We were new and there was this team, they were looking for new recruits and I wanted to sign up, I don't know what I was thinking but..."

"Oh," you sighed loudly, looking at the ground. "I know, some stupid sonofabitch named Gabe 'bought' his way in."

"You were at the training too?" Walt asked, surprised.

"I..." You tried to speak and get over with it, but decided to take your time. "I was uh, I was the team's leader."

This time Walt stopped: "Get outta town."

"I'm serious," you gave him an apologetic smile, reaching for your knife in your pocket slowly.

"I'm- I'm sorry," he let out an awkward laugh. "I thought you were the person who picked the new recruit, I might have cursed a little too much behind your back."

This time you laughed too, relaxing: "Oh it's fine. They never really liked me at the Boston QZ, I do have a fair share of curses on my behalf."

Just when the both of you chuckled, Maria opened the door. When did you even arrive?

"Perfect timing!" She smiled. "We were just about to eat, come in."

"After you," Walt took a step behind and motioned for you to go in. You smiled and walked in, Maria sending a quick wink your way before Walt could see and you just rolled your eyes.

There was a big table and three men sat around it, Tommy across them. They were filling their plates with, by god, delicious looking food. Tommy waved at you and you smiled as the three of you sat down around the table, Maria at your right and Walt on your left.

"This is (Y/N)," Tommy introduced you. "(Y/N), these men are the leads of our patrol. I wanted you to meet them because I reckoned you might wanna do patrols, is that okay?"

"Well," you sighed. "I know a couple of more things other than how to shoot a gun, y'know."

"That so?" Tommy grinned. "If you wanna do something else, that's fine. But I still want you to get to know them. You already met Walt, but not sure if you remember him..."

Eugene Linden. Of course you remembered him.

"Eugene?" Your eyes widened.

"Hi there, commander," he tipped an invisible hat your way and smiled.

"Goddamn," you sighed with a grin and chuckled. Then, simultaneously: "Still not dead, huh?"

Eugene and Tommy were absolutely despised and were the talk of the base when you were sent to Denver for duty. You had mixed feelings toward them at first -well, you were sent to kill them after all- but not because you followed orders blindly, because of the attacks and the terror caused by them. They were reckless and they killed civilians, you weren't sure if they were the promise keeping type.

You were outnumbered and genuinely scared that you may not get to see another day (not that you wanted to anyway) so you changed tactics and surrendered. You promised them that you'd help them escape FEDRA in return of your team's and civilian safety. They kept their promise but a few months later, both of them left the Fireflies and you were sent back to Boston. You never saw either again until now.

A night went by with no stressing out over when or how you were going to be attacked. You already made 'friends' with the lead patrol men: All of them were army men, Walt being the only spec ops. You already knew Eugene and Tommy and were now acquainted with Walt and Maria. The other men, Robert and Bruce seemed to like you too; Robert was around Eugene's age, you assumed as he looked a little old but Bruce was around your age, maybe younger.

Tommy walked you back home, as much as Maria secretly tried to make Walt your escort, you didn't mind him.

"How are you liking it so far?" Tommy started as soon as you were outside and on the way back to your house.

"I- I absolutely have no words, Tommy. I can't thank you both enough, I guess I owe you one?"

"Stop with that nonsense," Tommy chuckled. "Those days are over, you're not a FEDRA puppet and I'm not a 'terrorist' anymore... Those days are behind us. Let's focus on what we have now."

"You're right," you nodded, stuffing your hands in your pockets. "It's just- I want you to know how grateful I am for the both of you... I don't deserve this, you know?"

Tommy gave you a worried look when your voice wavered a little: "'Course you do, don't say that stuff now..."

Tommy turned to you under a streetlight and held your shoulders: "You deserve this more than anyone, (Y/N). Joel told me about what happened to your team and I am truly sorry for that-" You sniffed and tried to hold back your tears to no avail. "Hey, hey, it's alright... Look, even without after everything you've gone through, you deserve this. Everyone stuck in this world survivin' does."

"But I'm the reason they're dead!" You sobbed: "If I was faster, none of them would've been captured! If I had been more careful-!"

"(Y/N)!" Tommy shook you. "None of that was your fault, you hear me? I know you think it is but it ain't. I'm sure that if they could, they'd be the ones to give you this life. You were a good leader, you treated them kindly and helped everyone out- even your enemies. I know that as much as you want to trade places with them... what's happened, happened. It's gonna take some time, but you're gonna have to come to terms with it and move on. One way or another."

"I know," you whimpered. "I know but, I never had the time to... I didn't even get to bury them. They're out there, rotting in an old building and I'm here, eating actual food and taking a bath. With a soap."

"Well, if that's what you're worrying about," Tommy dropped his hands to his sides and began walking with a grin. "I can assure you they're in a far better place right now than you could ever be, alive."

You stared at him walk away slowly and let his words sink in. He was right, they no longer had to deal with the bullshit this world had to offer anymore. They were properly resting now.

Although it was a nice first night you spent there and as much as Tommy's words left an impression on you, the moment he said goodnight and you closed your door, a feeling of uneasiness settled in you. Sitting at the table with your new neighbours itself pained you at first, reminding you of your team... Your family...

You still struggled to believe this place was real. There was actually a place for you, a place amongst lovely people who had no bad intentions toward you. There was a new life for you here, you knew you had to move on from your past one, but you also knew it wasn't just going to happen over night. There was still so much guilt in you. And, well, the attack today didn't really help your hopes for this place, you knew better than anyone that all good things come to an end.

But that didn't mean that you wouldn't fight to keep this place going as far as it could.

----

"Aw man," Ellie sighed as Joel finished explaining the basics of baseball to her. "I wonder if (Y/N) ever played it."

Joel's expression relaxed and turned into a thoughtful one. He thought about you, wondered if you were okay and how you were getting along with his brother and the others in Jackson. He was mad at himself for getting angry at you for no reason and he knew, if he ever went back to Jackson, he'd have to make it up to you.

----

Your first few weeks went by resting and helping everyone with everything as much as your wounds allowed. You were fatigued and didn't really want to talk to anyone but Tommy and Maria, who checked up on you almost twice a day when you didn't show up for too long. You were mostly in bed, either doing nothing or sleeping. You had constant headaches and refused to take medications because you didn't want them to think there was something wrong, but sometimes you'd get sick to your stomach from not eating. You lost weight in your first week and a half which didn't escape Maria. You kept complaining about how you couldn't get used to sitting in bed and doing little to nothing for hours, your sleep schedule was absolutely fucked but you also didn't have the energy to get up. You were alone by yourself most of the time which didn't help and by your second week, Maria and the lady from the nursery, Katherine, who was apparently a medic, insisted she did a check up on you.

"I'm no psychologist, but I think she's depressed." Katherine had said when you had fainted because you got up too fast after your examination. "I read a book on it some time ago and she has most of the symptoms... Someone needs to keep an eye on her- she can't stay alone. She's grieving and she's going to need help going through it."

Maria had nodded with sad eyes, uncertain about what to do and Tommy held his wife as they looked at your sleeping form. Your face was way skinnier comparing to when you first arrived in Jackson.

"She doesn't just need a companion per se," Katherine had whispered. "We, as a community have to look after each other and will look after her too, but she barely talks to anyone other than you two. She needs to be more involved with us."

Maria's brows raised: "We can sign her up to patrols with the boys for a start. I'll pair her up with Walt, they seemed to be getting along."

"Well," Tommy had sighed, hands on his hips. "We could try the school? She always had a soft spot for children, maybe it'll help distract her for the most part."

"Offer her whatever you want, but just do it." Katherine nodded worriedly. "And make her eat, for god's sake. She won't survive like this any longer."

----

"You gotta tell me what to do!" Ellie panicked as Joel's vision began fading. "Come on, you gotta get up! Joel?"

Shit, what would (Y/N) do? Joel finally heard Ellie ask herself before he let the darkness take over his pale body. Really though, what would've you done if you were with them right now?

Joel thought back to the time where he was wrapping up your wrists in that house where you all took a shower. How you didn't even flinch when he applied the alcohol and just kept calm through every situation for the whole month you all travelled together. He thought about that one time where you treated a wound on his leg. It was just a bullet which whizzed through the side of his calf, not doing much damage but it still hurt a little. You had attended to it without any complaints.

"This won't take a minute, just sit down and let me handle it," You insisted. Ellie was already passed out on the couch in the next room. "If it gets infected you're never gonna stop bitching about it. Sit. Down."

"Yes ma'am," Joel's brows furrowed at your demanding tone. He sat on the ground and extended his leg on the floor. You carefully rolled the sleeve of his pants up and cleaned the wound.

"Come now, it's over, see?" You smiled gently when he hissed, then wrapped a bandage around his calf. Joel just nodded with an almost displeased look as you got up and moved to go to the other room to check on Ellie.

"Uh, (Y/N)?" Joel turned around before you disappeared into the next room. You gave him a quizzical look by the door: "Thank you."

You just smiled at him genuinely and somewhat shyly, then walked away.

----

You got more used to your new life each day, a full month had passed but you still struggled to come to terms with yourself; but there were some improvements too. You began eating more (by your own will) and you were just a little confused at why you were surrounded by people all the time, except for when you were in your house or at the makeshift gym with a lack of tools. You had only fainted once, it had to be about that, otherwise you were way past the welcoming phase. You still thought often of Ellie... and Joel. And Felicity and others. You found yourself crying some nights, but most nights you felt numb. You missed all your companions dearly - you knew you'd be with them sooner or later.

Walt had turned out to be excellent company, although you were sure his old patrol partner Bruce wasn't entirely fond of you anymore, with you made into Walt's new partner. You usually didn't go outside the walls as there weren't too many infected in the area, but now with you guarding the walls with them, the raids started to take less of a toll on the residents of Jackson. You were liked and your presence was appreciated, something you couldn't really bring yourself to believe.

Tommy and Maria were understanding of your condition and, as much as you had insisted otherwise, they urged you to stay at their place from time to time when you weren't feeling too well. You were grateful for them and for everything they had done to make you feel better while adapting to life in Jackson.

Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months as Jackson developed further into an actual town. Although winter was harsh on the people, a true sense of community had settled into everyone living there. Diners and schools were built by the end of January and more shops like tailors were being built every day.

Walt and you, on the other hand, were a different story. He was so calm and cool and you couldn't help but get flustered whenever he was around. He treated you nicely, with a more welcoming manner and he was an outright gentleman. The small compliments he'd give you, the way he'd make you laugh... You weren't sure how he'd react if you opened up to him though, so you kept it to yourself.

A better developed relationship comparing to yours and Joel's, you thought. You wondered then how he was doing, if he was even alive and all that.

----

"It's okay, it's me- it's me." Joel turned Ellie around as she tried to get out of his grip. "It's me, look..."

Ellie gasped, taking in a shaky breath as Joel held her face between his hands, like that time you had an attack before reaching Jackson.

"He tried to-" Ellie sobbed, struggling to speak, then Joel pulled and pressed her shaking body against his chest.

"Oh, baby girl..." Joel whispered as he held her close, heart breaking over and over again at her state; the situation they were in reminding him of Sarah over and over again but there was nothing he could do. He had already lost one daughter and he knew, then and there, that he wasn't going to lose Ellie too.

----

With April's arrival, many pretty flowers you had never seen before (or didn't remember seeing pre-outbreak) blossomed throughout the town. Your garden was quite colourful, which brought joy to you. After the cloudy, gray winter days, you greatly appreciated the sun with occasional showers. The weather was mostly chill and windy but not like it was back in January. You had made amazing process with your health conditions - it wasn't perfect but process was still process. Walt had been of great help, talking about your past experiences and venting to each other from time to time had brought you two even closer. He was requested to look after you by Maria and Tommy, but he didn't mind and gladly did so.

Speaking of Tommy: One night while the three of you had dinner, you helped Tommy clean the dishes while Maria went out to give the leftovers to some newborn puppies. Joel was made the topic of your conversation all of a sudden and he revealed a very upsetting detail about Joel's past.

"He," Tommy began, gulping. "He used to have a daughter. Sarah."

You stopped washing the plate in your hands and gave him a look, his movements slowing down as a great set of dark clouds settled over him: "On the outbreak day, the three of us were in a car and it crashed. Sarah broke her leg, so Joel carried her. We ran but Joel and I got separated, when I reached them..."

Tommy sighed through his nose: "Sarah passed away in his arms... I'm thinking, maybe that's why he changed his mind about Ellie? He's- he won't tell you this, but I just thought you should now."

You just nodded with a worried look on your face. After finishing the dishes, Tommy went to their room while you waited on the couch in their living room. He came back with a small frame in his hands: "That's her..."

It was a picture of Joel and Sarah which appeared to be taken after a football match. They both looked so happy, your expression softened immediately and your heart broke: "How old was she?"

"Twelve, I think," Tommy nodded as you examined the picture. "She would've been a whole grownup by now."

Your eyes widened at Joel and Sarah's age gap: "He was so young when he had her..."

"High-school sweethearts," Tommy shook his head and smiled bitterly. "I had no idea what was goin' on. I was around her age when I found out my brother was gonna get married and that I was gonna be an uncle. I don't really remember those times but, Joel managed fine on his own after Sarah's mother left."

You never could've imagined this was the brothers' story before the outbreak: "You miss him, don't you?"

"Me? Miss Joel?" Tommy mocked offence as you handed the frame back to him. "Nah, never... Anyways, he could be back any day, might as well enjoy it before he becomes a pain in my ass again."

You had both laughed about it, but you knew he was worried about Joel and that he missed him. They were pretty close, although worldviews separated them, they were still brothers who cared for each other.

You had also built up the nerve to confess your feelings to Walt. Maria was great at encouragement, so with a deep breath, one night after a patrol in the woods, you knocked on his door:

"Oh, hi there Dolly," Walt smiled. He was looking rather handsome today - as if he put in extra effort to his looks. He looked like as if he was about to go out.

"Oh stop calling me that," You smiled shyly. "I sing once and suddenly I have a new name..."

"It suits you though," he smiled charmingly. "Hey, you'll never guess where I'm about to go right now."

"I'd say on a date, but-"

"Ding ding ding!" He chuckled excitedly. "You know Bonnie, right? She invited me over to her place for dinner."

You just stared, utterly dumbfounded.

"It's a little awkward, I should've been the one to ask her out, but I guess she got tired of waiting!"

She got tired of waiting and shot her shot... and succeeded.

"Oh," you nodded, quickly regaining your composure. "Uh, that's nice- when did you two even get that close?"

"Well," he closed the door to his house, making you take a step back. "You should pull your head out of work from time to time. You've been working so much, you may have missed it."

He smiled genuinely: "Anyways, I have to go now. I'm afraid I can't escort you back this time, I'm running late. You're okay though, right? I hope you didn't come all this way for something important?"

You nodded, words stuck at your throat, then he gave you a brief hug: "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow, goodnight!"

You just stood there and watched him leave, mouth agape, hopeless and disappointed.

"So?" Maria asked as you rested your chin on your hand, frowning at your plate. The both of you were having breakfast on your back yard: "How did it go?"

"He's seeing someone else," You sighed after an unnerving moment of silence and put your fork through your food.

"Oh," Maria's excited expression dropped. "Are you sure?"

"He said he was on his way to Bonnie's when I went over to his place."

You both sat in silence, your expression was soft but as much as you tried to hide it, there was a hint of sadness in your eyes. I got everything I didn't deserve after moving here, maybe I pushed my luck too much. You weren't angry, just disappointed.

"He said it himself," You chuckled. "Bonnie apparently got too tired of waiting for him to make a move, so she took matters into her own hands. I was too slow."

"Don't say that," Maria reached for your hand but didn't touch it. "How could've you known? Even I didn't notice they had a thing going on."

"It's okay," you forced a smile and took her hand in yours. "Maybe it wasn't the right time."

Maria was happy that you weren't taking it too heavily - you knew you'd have another chance. After breakfast, you both went your separate ways. Walt greeted you at the stairs which led up to the walls, your heart skipping a beat when you saw him - it was anxious skip however, you were not excited to see him.

"So," You forced a smile as you approached him. "How was your night?"

"Pretty good, thank you," he smirked as you two climbed up.

"Just pretty good? Tell me more!" You laughed. The situation was odd, but he didn't have to know.

"Well," he smiled like a teenage boy after his first ever date with his date. "We began with dinner. She had cooked the most amazing meal- You should definitely eat some too, I suggested that the three of us should have dinner sometime and she's totally down."

You flinched as you approached the notebook on the counter then wrote down your names, your back to him as you felt like jumping off the side of the wall and into a hole where the ground would swallow you whole rather than having dinner with them.

"Yeah, we'll see, I don't wanna be a burden on your new girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend, Dolly, she's-"

"Stay where you are!" You suddenly heard Cedric, one of the patrolman who's shift was over, shout.

"Hold it!" You yelled at Cedric from where you were, then immediately ran out to where he was, Walt behind you. Your heart dropped when you saw the duo who were stood by Jackson's doors.

No way.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel x reader #joel miller imagine #tlou x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us x reader #tlou fanfic #the last of us

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thebtswritersclub · 4 years ago

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Happy birthday Eva!!!

Today’s a very special day in the net. We’re celebrating our admin and founder Eva’s birthday!!!! We all love you so much and we wish you a really good day, Momma 💜 Here are some messages from the staff and members to wish you a great day:

EVAAAAAAAAAAA! MOMMY! Happy birthday! This year has been A YEAR! And you've ROCKED IT! You're so amazing! I'm so glad we're friends. Talking to you and playing games together really makes my weeks and I'm so thankful that I've had the pleasure of being friends with you and an admin with you for so long! Happy birthday! I love u. -Lillia @moccahobi

Eva! My platonic soulmate, my braincell sharer, my Jin-biased comrade in arms! Though we only met less than a year ago, you have quickly grown to become one of my closest friends and confidants. I always find so much joy in our conversations and having you in my life brightens my world in so many ways. I love you and I hope we stay friends for a long, long time. Have a great birthday, you deserve it and so much more. -Dean @eternalseokjin

Eva, queen of multitasking and mom extraordinaire, I hope you know how much I and everyone else loves you. I have always been a fan of your writing but the last year has given me the chance to get to know you as a person and it is both my privilege and pleasure to be able to say that I am your friend hope this year brings you all the love, joy and luck in the world u r adorable and ily. happy birthday luv. -Aditi @ditttiii

Happy birthday, love of my life!!! I can't believe that we've made it this far, honestly. Your friendship is one of my most valuable possessions in life. Thank you foralways being there in the good and bad moments. Know that I'll always have your back. Eva, I'm so incredibly proud of you and all the amazing things you have accomplished, in and out of the net. You're far stronger than you think, never forget it. I wish you nothing but the best, you deserve no less. Have the happiest of birthdays, my love. -Danna @unoriginal_username15234

Dearest Eva! One year older and one year wiser! I want you to know that no matter how much stress you have and how much you ever doubt yourself, I'll be here to build you up with talks about werewolf aus and bias (wreckers)!! You've become such a good and supportive friend of mine and I love our talks, be they about school or thirsting over the boys. Thank you for being there and reminding me and everyone else how much we are worth - thank you for building up such a great community, my partner in angst. Happiest of birthdays and I love you so much. -Rid @taegularities

Happy Birthday, Eva! I’ve only been knowing you for a short while, but it feels like decades. You’re such an amazing person and writer. You’re so intelligent, talented, and funny. Oh, and your writing is mind-blowing! I wasn’t lying when I said that you inspire me; you are beautiful inside and out. We’re all so lucky to have you, and thank you for being here for us. We love you!!! Stay awesome, sweetie! And have a Happy Birthday!! You deserve it! Love, Dee Dee. @sugasbabiie

Eva, Happy Birthday! Thank you for being so kind with welcoming me to the network. I hope your day is surrounded by the things and people you love! - Lou @sujigguk

Hey Eva! Happy birthday! You are one of the most wonderful, kind and supportive people that I know. It’s honestly a privilege to call you my friend. Thank you for all you’ve done for me, and here’s to many more happy moments to come :) -Elle @wheresmymoniat

Eva, You're a lovely person and have created such a wonderful little safe haven for so many BTS writers on tumblr. It's hard to put to words how happy I am to have met you and be able to call you my friend. It's not something I take for granted and I hope that we can continue to be friends for a long time. You mean a lot to a lot of people and I'm sure that whatever compliments I have to give you, someone else has said much better than I could lol. I hope that you have a wonderful day and take some time to relax and maybe do some self care! You work so hard and you deserve it! All my love, Keri @kerikaaria

eva! wishing you the happiest of birthdays! You’re one of the most amazing people I’ve met in bwc and on tumblr in general, and i’m so lucky to be able to know you. I hope your birthday is as wonderful as you are. Sending you so much love and so many good vibes!! -Carese @honeyj00ns

Happy birthday eva, the greatest team mom, amazing writer, DM and wonderful friend!!! I really hope your birthday is amazing as you are, you deserve it. I am so happy to know you through the amazing net you created. Thank you so much for being your incredible self and I hope you can feel as much happiness today as you bring to me and all of us at the net xx -Ru @btsmosphere

Eva! The happiest of birthdays to you my emo soulmate! I hope you have a wonderful day full of cake and cuddles and happiness! I'm so happy to have gotten t know you. Thank you for always listening to my rants about people who annoy me and ideas i cant get out of my head, but most of thank you for creating a space where i could meet other fantastic people such as yourself! i hope last year treated you well and that this year brings all the growth and fulfilment you desire! :3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! -Mars @joheunsaram

Thank you for being our mum, thank you for entertaining us, thank you for being so kind and including everyone, thank you for giving me a place where I can be safe. Don't ever change and I hope the day is filled with bright lovely moments and I hope this day brings you lots of happiness, fun and most importantly love! Ilysm and thank you for being you! <333 Have a great day Eva! -Ellie @jungkooksbroski

#happy birthday #admin birthday

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fangirlovestuff · 5 years ago

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Holding Out for a Hero- Steve Rogers x Reader Pt.9

a\n-Hey lovely people! This one is very much self-indulgent fluff & smut. (If you don't like smut just consider the part where you reach your room the end of the chapter) Enjoy <3

summary: date night ;)

part 8

Steve caught up with you when you all left the meeting room. "Hey," he said softly, "You okay?"

You put your head on his chest and he wrapped your arms around you. "I just don't get how I let that happen. Why did I not ask about him more?" Steve rubbed his hands on your back soothingly. "How could I have been so blind? This man was double-crossing the team and I was playing scrabble with him, not knowing a thing. I just-" you sighed, "I just wish I would've done better."

Steve lifted your head from his chest and looked at you, his brows furrowed gently. "You couldn't have possibly known if he passed the security check. These things are super thorough. You did the best you could," his gaze softened, "and that's enough."

You smiled at him and pecked his lips, not needing words to express your gratitude. "So, now that this whole thing is over, how about that date you promised me?" you said teasingly. "I seem to recall something about a real date that included 'leaving the house', which seems very exciting." Steve smiled. "How about tomorrow night?"

"Why not tonight?" you pouted, mirth shining in your eyes. "Because I need time to plan." You rolled your eyes. "You had two whole weeks to plan. But whatever," you said mock-annoyedly, "I guess tomorrow night must do." Steve laughed at your antics and gave you a sweet kiss.

You practically ran to Julie's room. You thankfully heard her and Bucky talking, which meant they weren't busy doing… other activities. You knocked on her door. "Come in!" you heard Jules call. You barged in, not even caring Bucky was there, "Steve and I are finally going on a date tomorrow!" you exclaimed with a huge smile on your face. "Oh my god! That's great!" Jules smiled as well. "Bucky, I'll talk to you later." Bucky tried to protest but Jules glared at him and he meekly left the room.

"Where is he taking you?" Jules asked once Bucky left the room. "I don't know yet, he'll probably keep it a surprise," you replied. "Well," Jules said, "it doesn't really matter as long as you get laid later," she smirked. "God Jules," you laughed, "sometimes I think you want me to have sex more than I do. Just in case, would you do me a favor and take Lola to your room tomorrow?"

"I just want what's best for you," she winked. "And of course I will. But seriously, I know how much you were looking forward to this date. You must be bursting with excitement!"

"I nearly am," you admitted, unable of keeping your smile off your face. You stayed in Julie's room for a while after that, having your girl talk and laughing until you cried at Jules' ridiculous jokes.

Tomorrow night couldn't come soon enough. You were antsy the entire day, your mission report taking a lot more time than it should.

Finally, tomorrow night came. Steve told you to be ready at 7, so you showered and got dressed. Steve refused to tell you where you were going, so you didn't really know what to wear. You ended up going with a simple, comfortable dress. Nothing too elaborate, but it showed off your curves very nicely.

At exactly 7 pm, you heard a knock at your door. You opened it and Steve was in front of you, looking extremely handsome in a navy polo shirt and black jeans. He looked at you in awe. "You look beautiful as always," he complimented and pulled his arm from behind his back revealing a small bouquet of red roses. It was so cheesy, and you couldn't help but beam at him. "You look great too." You took the bouquet from his hand and kissed his cheek. "I'll just put these in a vase and then we can go."

After you put the flowers away, Steve took your hand and led you towards the elevators. "So, are you finally gonna tell me where we're going?"

"No. Be patient," he smiled at you.

You got to the Avengers garage, if you could call it that. It was a big underground parking lot, filled with cars that belonged to the residents of the compound. Some, like Tony, probably had more than one. Steve led the way to a black Audi. He opened the passenger door for you and got into the driver's seat. "Where are we going Steve?" you asked again, unable to contain yourself. "You'll see," he said with a mysterious air. "Come on!" you pouted, "Can you at least tell me what we're going to be doing? Cause I'm actually pretty hungry."

"Well, you're in luck," he smiled, "We're going to eat." You whooped, making him laugh heartily.

After a pretty short ride, you stopped at a little Italian restaurant on the side of the road. Steve quickly got out of the car to open your door for you, his hand extended for you to take. "Always the gentleman," you smiled and rolled your eyes at him as you took his hand. You liked being "treated like a lady", or "courted", or whatever old-fashioned thing it is Steve was doing. You had to admit, you felt properly wooed.

You entered the restaurant hand in hand. "Mr. Rogers, we were waiting for you," said the hostess at the entrance, and let you to a small, secluded niche at the back of the restaurant. There was a candle-lit table for two waiting for you. Steve thanked the hostess and she left you to your own devices, saying someone will take our orders in a few minutes.

"What do you think?" Steve asked, looking you softly. "I really like it," you said honestly, eyeing the restaurant. It was a pretty fancy spot, but because of its small size and dim lighting, it still achieved a cozy atmosphere. "I probably couldn't have picked a better restaurant myself," you voiced your thoughts to Steve. He beamed at you, clearly pleased with his choice. "Well, you haven't had the food here yet. It's delicious."

You looked at the menu, noticing the variety of delicious kinds of pasta, having a hard time deciding which one you wanted. A waitress went by your table, carrying a big dish of excellent-smelling pasta. "Steve, are all the dishes in here this big?" you showed the size of the plate you just saw. "Yeah," Steve said casually and your brows shot up. "Didn't you say you were hungry?" he smiled, amused at your reaction. "I am, just not That hungry. Do you mind if we share?"

"Not at all. What do you want?"

"Well, I don’t know. There are so many fancy things here, some of them I don't understand. You've eaten here before, what do you want?"

"Not to insult the fancy dishes, but the best thing in here is probably their spaghetti and meatballs."

"I know what it is, so that's good enough for me. Could you order? I'm just gonna go to the bathroom for a minute," you told Steve, who nodded at you.

You made your way across the restaurant to try and find the bathroom. One of the waitresses directed you there. You did your business and was halfway back at your table when you heard a familiar voice calling your name. "Hey! Is that you?"

You turned around and saw the medic who took care of you your first mission. "Hey!" you smiled and went to his table, where he was sitting with a girl that seemed a little older than you, but still beautiful. "How's your job going? Better than it was the night we met, I hope," he said cheekily. "Yeah, it's going very well. Actually, I didn't catch your name back then." You smiled. "It's Eric," he smiled back, "And this is my fiancée Ellie." She smiled at you in greeting. "I almost thought you were going to say Ariel," you chuckled. "I get that a lot," Eric said and you all laughed. "She's my Disney princess nonetheless." He took Ellie's hand. "It was nice seeing you again," you smiled at them. "Have a great evening!"

"You too," Eric said, "and try not to get into trouble again."

"Will do," you waved at them and went back to your table.

"There you are," Steve smiled, "I was starting to worry you ditched me," he said jokingly, but you caught the glimpse of relief in his eyes. "Never," you smiled reassuringly and took your seat. "Oh, you'd never guess who I just met here! Eric! He's the medic you took me away from on that first mission," you explained. "Nice guy," you continued, "was sitting here with his fiancée. I never did hear the explanation as to why you basically dragged me away from him that night," you said teasingly. To be honest, you didn't really know why Steve pulled you away, but you were willing to bet it was a tease-worthy reason. "What a nice coincidence," Steve ignored the last part of what you said, feigning indifference. "Come on Steve, aren’t you gonna tell me? Please?" you smiled. "You're nosy, you know that?" he said teasingly. "Fine, I surrender. I did it because I was jealous."

"Jealous?" you giggled, "of me and him? Steve, he's a medic who was bandaging my blood-filled leg. That's hardly an attractive scenario."

"I know," Steve sighed, defeated. "But you were laughing with him about something. Besides, you already know I was angry that night so I hardly could rationalize it like you just did," he said sheepishly. You blushed, remembering his romantic speech from that night in the training room. You're wonderful, and my worries shouldn't stop you from kicking ass, he told you. You smiled at him. "Yeah, guess you're right."

Your food arrived, a big hot bowl of pasta and meatballs. Steve and you dug in happily.

"Mmm, That's so good!" you exclaimed. "Told you so," Steve smiled. He had a little sauce in the corner of his mouth and his tongue slipped out to clean it. You swallowed your spaghetti. This man is unbelievable. Who gave him the right to be so goofy and hot at the same time? And he's mine, your brain supplied.

You went on eating in relative silence, except for the occasional sound of slurping. At one point you got the end of a really long spaghetti in your mouth. You continued eating it as you looked up at Steve to show him how absurdly long the pasta was. He looked up at the same time, realizing the other end of the spaghetti was in his mouth. You laughed with your mouth still around the pasta. Eventually, your heads came closer together, and your lips touched as you finished the pasta. You laughed wholeheartedly now, holding Steve's hand from across the table. "I can't believe we just had a Disney moment in real life." Steve looked at you quizzically. "Don't tell me you don't know what Disney is!"

"I know what it is!" Steve laughed, "I just don’t understand what movie that's from."

"I'm totally making you watch that soon. It's Lady and the Tramp, it’s one of my favorites. It has dogs, you'll love it," you gave Steve no room to argue and he laughed.

Your dinner went by like that, talking about Disney movies and other things. When you were waiting for your bill Steve had a far-off look on his face all of a sudden. "You okay there?" you asked, a concerned look on your face. "Yeah, I'm fine." Steve shook from his reverie. "It's just… my mom used to make 'spaghetti and meatballs' on special occasions. Obviously, it wasn't as good as this one, because she didn’t have the ingredients to make it. The spaghetti was pieces of bread she cut in stripes." He reminisced with a smile, "but she put her love into it, so it was the best thing ever."

"She sounds great," you smiled at him. "She was. The greatest." He smiled sadly. You squeezed his hand in yours, trying to comfort him. You knew he lost his mom before he even went in the ice, but these things never really heal.

You got your bill and left the restaurant, waving at Eric as you left. If he was surprised to see you with Captain America, he showed no sign of it, and waved back at you.

You got back into the car. "Ready for the next thing?" Steve asked. "Sure," you said. You didn't realize there was going to be a next thing, but you weren't complaining.

Steve drove you both to a mall close by. You sent him a questioning look but he just smiled at you and led the way into an arcade that was located inside the mall. It seemed closed, but a staff member was inside and opened the door for you.

"Didn't want anyone interrupting us," Steve said, making your way to the token machine and getting some tokens. "What do you wanna do first?" he smiled at you.

You spent the next couple of hours playing most of the machines, and unsurprisingly Steve won almost every time. Damn his reflexes, you thought as he won yet another match of table hockey. But you destroyed him in the Dance Dance Revolution machine.

"Not fair!" he said as you executed the moves perfectly, "You know this game!"

"I knew all of the others as well," you laughed, your answer satisfying him.

You won a small teddy bear as a prize and beamed at Steve. You named him Pooh. "I understood that reference!" he exclaimed and you both laughed.

At last, you thanked the employee that stayed to close after you and made your way to the car, Pooh in one of your hands, the other holding Steve's.

The drive back to the compound was filled with comfortable silence, as you both reflected about the wonderful evening. You reached the compound and Steve escorted you to your room like the perfect gentleman he's been the entire time. "Thank you," you told Steve when you reached your door. "I had a lot of fun tonight."

"Me too," he said, kissing you softly, "Goodnight."

"Oh no, you're not goodnight-ing me!" you pulled him back by his shirt. "You can't keep a girl waiting that long Steve-" you came closer to him and circled your arms around his broad shoulders, whispering in his ear, "-that wouldn't be very gentlemanly of you. And we both know how much you like being a gentleman." You smirked at him, pulling him in for a sensual kiss.

After a few seconds Steve caught on, grabbing your hips. The kiss turned hungry and almost desperate and you moaned into Steve's mouth. You pulled apart from him to unlock your door, you and Steve stumbling in, taking your shoes off and locking the door hastily. Steve caught your lips again in a heated kiss as you guided both of you to the bed. Your hands tangled in Steve's hair as you landed on the bed, Steve in top of you, placing open-mouthed kisses on your jaw and neck. Your hands reached the small of his back, bringing his shirt up to his head and tugging it off his body. Your mouth went dry at the sight of his chiseled chest. You placed wet kisses along his collarbone as he tugged at your dress, helping him get it off of your body.

"God, you're beautiful," he said in a hoarse voice that made you wet instantly. He kissed your collarbones, making his way to suck the tops of your breasts, probably leaving a mark, as he unhooked your bra and threw it away. He took one of your nipples in his mouth, teasing it with his tongue as he did the same with his hand on the other. "Steve," you moaned at the sensation and ran your hands on his chest, reaching to undo his belt and push his pants off his legs. When his pants were off you felt his erection against your leg as he ground against you involuntarily.

You slipped your hand past the elastic of his boxers, gripping him and moving your hand along his length. He breathed heavily. "tease," he murmured in your ear, kissing your neck as he took off the rest of your underwear, and his own, leaving you both naked. His mouth found yours once more in a heated kiss as his hand traveled down and teased your clit. You moaned into his mouth. "I need you," you whispered in his ear as you kissed down his neck.

"Wait-" he started, but you reached over to your bedside drawer and pulled out a condom before he finished the sentence. He raised his brow at you, and you rolled your eyes at him. "Shut up and fuck me," you kissed his collarbone. "I never said anything," Steve chuckled, lining himself up with your entrance, "but as you wish," he whispered as he pushed his length into you.

You gasped at the sensation, nails digging into his toned back. He filled you up completely, groaning. "You feel so good around me baby," he whispered huskily and bit down in your collarbone. You took a couple of seconds adjusting to him stretching your walls and then rolled your hips against his.

You moved in sync, grinding against each other. You wrapped your legs around him, allowing him to go deeper, hitting your g-spot again and again. You were so close when Steve's thrusts started faltering, and he brought his hand to your clit one more, bringing you over the edge with him. Your walls contracted around him as you felt waves of pleasure coursing through your body. As you both got down from your high, he pulled out of you and you almost whined at the loss. You knew you'd have a hard time walking tomorrow, but right now you couldn’t help but wanting him inside you. He came back to bed after he disposed the condom and wrapped his arm behind you, moving your hair from your neck and kissing your shoulder sweetly.

"That was…" he trailed off. "Amazing," you finished his sentence and he chuckled. "Exactly." "If we're in agreement, then there's something I wouldn't mind," you said seductively and ground your butt into him. He groaned behind you and bit your neck. The night was still young, and you were so ready for round two.

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagines #steve rogers imagine #Steve Rogers x Female Reader #steve rogers smut #avengers imagine #avenger!reader #Avengers #MCU fic #chris evans

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temilyrights · 5 years ago

Text

in this space with you

Summary: Jack Sloane x Reader. Ellie and Reader stumble across Jack on a date. Jack assumes that Ellie and Reader are on a date themselves.

Word Count: 4422

A/N: This was meant to be angsty and then became fluffy and cute and honestly that never happens with my writing...Light angst, fluff, emotions, the usual. As always, feedback is welcome and appreciated:) Enjoy!

Read on AO3

“This was a great idea.” Ellie praises between a mouthful of food. It was Tuesday evening and you already couldn’t wait for this week to be over. You’d caught a case in the early hours of the morning, and it’d been nothing but hell. Lying witnesses, cryptic descriptions of what the Lieutenant was working on. It just seemed like no matter what leads you followed someone was blocking your path. Everyone was frustrated but when it hit 8 o’clock and the leads were dying out, Gibbs had sent you all home.

Apart from home didn’t sound like the best idea, not when your mind was still spinning from the case. You’d noticed Ellie’s hesitation as well. Alcohol would usually be your go-to, but it was Tuesday and you needed to be sharp for tomorrow so, instead, you’d agreed on dinner. You hadn’t realised how hungry you were until you arrived at the restaurant and the smell of food filled your senses. Your mouth was practically watering by the time your lasagne arrived.

“So much better than drowning myself in alcohol.” Ellie laughs at your quip, placing her fork down to take a sip from her glass of wine, the glass stops inches from her mouth as her jaw hangs open in shock. “What?” You frown.

“Ok, don’t look now but Jack’s sitting at a table by the side of the room...I think she’s on a date.” Ellie’s voice drops to a low whisper and you swallow roughly as an odd feeling rushes through you, a mixture of disappointment and jealousy which has no right to appear. Ignoring Ellie’s ‘don’t look’ you turn around and feel your heart drop into your stomach when you see Jack’s hand entangled with a man’s as they sit across from one another. You kind of recognise him but don’t know where from and the fact you could only see the left side of his face wasn’t helping. You know you’re staring but can’t seem to get your head to turn away. Her hairs tucked behind one ear allowing you to see the smile on her face. She’s wearing the same beige blazer from work but instead of the matching slacks, she’s paired them with blue skinny jeans. “Y/N?” Ellie’s voice is full of confusion. You take one last second to take in the scene before plastering a smile on your face and turning to face the concerned blonde.

“Do you recognise him?” You ask, hoping Ellie will just pick up the conversation and let your odd reaction go.

“He works at the NSA. He’s the analyst we worked with last month.” You nod as you think back to the case. His name was Matthew? Michael? Marshall? Something boring and easily forgettable. You couldn’t imagine why Jack would ever even consider a date with the man. He was nice looking, sure, but he’d been dull and pompous as hell and definitely not good enough for Jacqueline fricking Sloane. “What’s happening here?” Ellie’s watching you closely, eyes examining you as she tries to work it out.

“Nothing.” You try to sound unbothered, shrugging as you return to your food but Ellie’s eyes just narrow staring at you until suddenly her eyes widen in surprise.

“You like Jack?” It’s said in a terrible attempt of a whisper. Panic rushes through you as you jump further upright in your chair.

“No.” It’s said too quickly, and your voice is like 3 octaves too high for it to be believable. “I-I’m just surprised Jack’s on a date with him of all people. Didn’t he drive you insane on the case? He was so far up his own ass I’m surprised he could see anything.”

Ellie snorts a laugh. “Sure, he was annoying but he’s handsome,” Your face scrunches up and Ellie rolls her eyes playfully. “He is! And maybe he’s nicer outside the office.”

“Yeah, maybe.” You sigh, dropping your fork onto your plate suddenly no longer hungry.

“Oh wow, you really like her.” It’s a statement, not a question. The sympathy in Ellie’s voice makes your voice catch in your throat.

You cough in an attempt to clear it. “It’s just a crush. Harmless, I’m basically over it already.” It’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told Ellie. You’d had a crush on Jack since the moment she’d turned up to NCIS 3 years ago and it’d only grown since so there was definitely no chance of you just getting ‘over it’ anytime soon (but you could dream).

“So, if I was to tell you that Jack and Mark were currently kissing,” Your head swings around, a blush covering your face when you realise the two of them were not kissing and were instead just chatting. “It wouldn’t bother you at all.” Ellie’s voice is full of mirth, a shit-eating grin on her face that just earns her a glare in response. “I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“No, I’m not, but that’s only because now I’m thinking about it, the two of you, It makes sense. There’s always been something between you both, none of us really understood what it was, but this makes sense.”

“You’re reading too far into this. I don’t even know if Jack likes women, and even if she does...She doesn’t like me, not like that.”

“How can you-”

“Can we just drop this? Enjoy the rest of our dinner.” Ellie wants to protest but instead, she sighs and goes back to her food. You smile, taking a bite from your own food which is now slightly cold. “How was karaoke night with Nick?”

Ellie doesn’t try to protest again, instead, describing Nick’s terrible re-enactment of ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’. It’s not long before you’ve both finished your meals and begin to make your way out of the restaurant. You’re too preoccupied telling Ellie about the lunch you’d had with your mother the previous weekend that you don’t notice that Ellie’s led you around the long way just so you have to pass Jack’s table until it’s too late.

“Jack, fancy seeing you here.” Ellie’s voice is gleeful. You glare daggers into the back of her head but she only smirks when she turns to face you. You were going to kill her.

“Ellie, Y/N.” Jack’s voice is full of surprise, her cheeks heating up as she looks between the two of you and her hand slips away from Matthew’s? Michael’s? You couldn’t remember his name and truthfully you didn’t care. Your glare has subsided, instead replaced with an awkward smile as you try to think of a way to hurry out of the restaurant and to the safety of your car. “What are you guys doing here?” Jack’s eyes narrow.

One of your brows raises, a smirk tugging at your lips. “We had dinner like one usually does when at a restaurant.” Ellie snorts. Jack’s eyes are still flicking between the two of you as if she’s trying to put together a puzzle she doesn’t quite understand. A waiter goes to pass you, your arm comes to rest on Ellie’s back as you move her closer to the table to allow him to pass. Jack’s eyes zero in on the contact, her lips pressing into a thin line.

“Mark, Hi.” The man who you’d half-forgotten about speaks up, extending his hand to Ellie to shake.

“Right sorry, Yes this is Mark my-” Jack clears her throat. You shake his hand, probably gripping it a little tighter than you should as you plaster a smile across your face.

“Date.” Mark grins and honestly, you want to punch him.

“Yes. Date.”

“Well, we don’t want to intrude,” Ellie says as if that isn’t exactly what she was doing. “We’ll see you at the office in the morning.”

“Bye Jack, Michael.” It’s petty, and Jack will see right through it, but it’s worth it for the way he stutters to correct you. Jack’s eyes are narrowed but you just smirk at her.

“I’ll see you both tomorrow,” Jack says. Mark’s hand reaches out, tangling their fingers back together. It makes your chest ache and you quickly avert your eyes, all your humour gone as you follow Ellie from the restaurant making sure to never turn back around.

Ellie starts talking the second the door shuts behind you. “I mean she totally likes you right? There was no other-”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” You cut her off, really no longer in the mood for this and cursing yourself for ever even suggesting tonight. You should have just gone home, maybe alcohol would have been the better option, probably would have hurt less.

“Wait, Y/N.” Ellie starts to follow after you, distress filling her voice.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You manage a small smile, which Ellie returns, before turning back and making your way to your car.

You ignore the pit in your stomach. Try to block out the images of their hands intertwined and Jack’s smile. Try not to think about them back at the restaurant, about the possibility of them kissing, about Jack settling for some mediocre man that definitely doesn’t deserve her. You take a long shower, allowing your tears to mingle with the water and then put on your comfiest pyjamas, wrapping yourself in a blanket and settling on the sofa. You pick out a movie on Netflix and hit play, snuggling further into the pillows as you allow the film to distract you from your thoughts.

You wake up at 5, still on the sofa, having fallen asleep at some point during the movie. You chuck on your gym clothes, pack your stuff for the day and make yourself a cup of coffee before heading to work. It’s barely 6 when you arrive. You head straight to the gym, dumping your bag in the corner as you put in your headphones and crank your music up high and let loose on the punching bag.

You head up to the bullpen a couple of hours later, freshly showered and now donning a work-appropriate outfit, one that left you feeling confident and ready for the day. “Morning, Gibbs.” You say, smiling when you notice the man sitting at his desk. You put your bag away and take your own seat.

“You’re here early.” He comments, looking at you from his desk.

“Not really it’s already 8 o’clock.”

“And your car was already here when I arrived an hour ago,” Gibbs smirks, eyes curious.

You shrug. “Wanted to get in some exercise before work.” You walk over to Ellie’s desk, grabbing the case file you knew she’d had the night before. You flick through it as you sit back down, focusing on the folder and finding new leads instead of Gibbs’ interested eyes and the fact you could hear the elevator opening and the familiar click of heels making their way to the bullpen.

“Mornin’ Jack.”

“Good morning, Gibbs, Y/N.” You look up long enough to flash her a small smile before returning to the folder in front of you. You can feel Jack’s eyes flicking to you as she speaks to Gibbs. “Is Ellie in?”

That gains your attention, the way Jack’s trying to sound casual but it’s anything but. You look up just as Gibbs responds. “No. Why?” He’d noticed as well then.

“Oh, just wanted her opinion on something.” Jack swings on her heels, her voice too light. The elevator doors ding open again, Ellie and Tim make their way over, laughing.

“Good morning.” Ellie sings, she heads straight to your desk and hands you a cup of coffee. “Sorry for last night,” Ellie speaks quietly so not to be heard by anyone else.

“It’s fine, really.” You smile softly. “But thank you for the coffee.” You take a sip of the drink, humming in delight. Jack’s glaring at Ellie the whole exchange, watching your soft smiles and quiet words makes her blood boil, her hands grip so tightly on her bag that her knuckles turn white, but by the time you look at her she’s got a slightly strained smile on her face.

Jack points in the direction of her office. “Well, I should get to work.” She waves goodbye and starts to exit.

“Jack, didn’t you want to talk to Bishop?” Gibbs calls after her, halting Jack’s steps and causing Ellie’s head to perk up in interest.

“Oh, right yes, uh, are you alright if we go to my office?”

“Sure.” Ellie shrugs, getting up from her desk and following Jack from the room. Both you and Gibbs watch them leave, both confused by how Jack was acting.

Ellie returns about 15 minutes later. Her eyes are filled with determination as she hurriedly makes her way over to you, grabbing you by the arm and dragging you in the direction of the elevator.

“Ellie? What’s happening?” You try to protest, eyes wide in shock. Ellie doesn’t respond, just pushes you into the elevator as Jimmy exits.

“Hey, guys-” Ellie slams the close button, cutting off Jimmy’s words before hitting the emergency stop.

You cross your arms over your chest. “Ready to tell me what the hell that was about?”

“I think Jack thinks we’re dating.” Your mouth drops open and you can’t do anything but stare at Ellie in shock. “She got me to look over some paperwork, but she kept asking questions about last night and just us in general.”

“Like what?”

“Like if we did anything nice after dinner and if we have plans together anytime soon. She was trying to be subtle but when I told her we were planning a weekend away she looked about ready to snap the pen in her hands in half.”

“We aren’t planning a weekend away.”

“I know that, but she didn’t, and I wanted to see what her reaction would be,” Ellie smirks, shrugging. “I know I said I’d drop this, but Y/N I really do think she likes you.”

“She was literally on a date last night. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t.” You roll your eyes, trying to stamp down the hope that you could feel brewing.

Ellie’s smirk only widens. “A date which I asked her about, and she said she wasn’t seeing him again!”

“Doesn’t mean she’s interested in me. What’s his face was dull as hell.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “Mark! And are you serious? I swear to god if you don’t go and see her, I’m going to go tell her myself.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wanna bet?” You both stare at each other, waiting for the other to back down. There was just no way Jack liked you. Surely, she would have said something if she felt anything for you, she’s not the type of person to wallow in her feelings. Although she was more touchy with you, you’d always put that down to the fact you were good friends. You think about the way her head had rested on your shoulder when you’d been around her house the week before watching some shitty tv show she loved. You think about the way even at the office she always touched you in some way, a hand on your back, on your shoulder, on your arm and even occasionally a small grip to your hand before she let go. She didn’t do that with anyone else.

If you went and talked to her at least there was a chance to gauge the situation without admitting anything. You sigh, dropping Ellie’s gaze. “Fine.”

You glare at the blonde as she grins. “Yay.” She disables the emergency lock and presses the button for the next floor. “Now, go talk to her.” You get off the elevator, Ellie descends the stairs and you avoid looking at her, and the curious eyes you can feel on you from the bullpen as you make your way across the landing and down the corridor to Jack’s office.

You stop outside, wringing your hands before knocking on the door. “Hey.” Your small, unsure smile is reflected back at you when Jack lifts her head.

“Hey. Everything ok?”

You take a couple of steps into her office. “Yeah. I just wanted to speak to you about something.”

“Sure. Take a seat.” Jack signals to her sofa. You make your way over, kicking your shoes off as you bring your feet up, wrapping your arms around your legs and resting your head on your knees. Jack shuts her office door before making her way over, she pauses by the chair opposite you. “Are you here to speak to me as a psychologist or as a friend?”

“Friend.” Jack nods, bypassing the chair and taking the seat next to you on the sofa. A smile tugs at your lips. She isn’t wearing shoes, probably kicked off somewhere behind her desk like usual, so she crosses her legs, sitting sidewards so she’s facing you. You shuffle round to face her two, putting your head back on your knees. Jack’s eyebrows are furrowed in concern and you want nothing more than to lean over and kiss the worry away.

“What’s up?”

You chew your lip, noting the way Jack’s eyes momentarily focus on the action before she’s meeting your eyes again. It gives you a little confidence. “Ellie told me if I didn’t talk to you, she would.” At the mention of Ellie’s name, you see Jack’s walls slam up, her smile faltering and you realise Ellie might have actually been right. A smirk tugs at your lips. “I’m not dating Ellie.”

Jack’s eyes widen in surprise. You think you see a glimmer of hope shining in them but she’s looking away before you can be sure and when she meets your eyes again her walls are back in place. “Ok?” Jack says, prompting you to continue.

Your nerves come right back. The next step was going to involve you admitting to Jack that you liked her in some way and once that happened there was no going back, no matter if she returned your feelings or not. You don’t realise you’re fiddling with your fingers until Jack’s hand reaches out to cover them.

“Hey.” Jack’s smile is soft as she waits for you to meet her eyes, only continuing talking once you do. “You know you can tell me anything.” Jack’s thumb rubs soothing circles on the back of one of your hands.

You take a deep breath, lifting your head from your knees and moving to copy Jack’s crossed leg position. Jack pulls her hand away from yours but before it can retreat all the way back to her lap you cover it with your own and then very slowly link your fingers with hers, watching closely to see her reaction. Jack’s mouth hangs open slightly in surprise, her eyes darting between your eyes and intertwined hands.

You chuckle awkwardly. “You know, I was so content just suppressing these feelings...but then I saw you at the restaurant with your hands interlocked with his and suddenly my heart was in my stomach and all the feelings that were under lock and key came bursting out and all I wanted to do was steal you away from the douche, that by the way, totally doesn’t deserve to even be in like 10 feet of you let alone on a date.” Jack releases a watery chuckle along with a playful roll of the eyes. “But I couldn’t do any of that because I’m your friend, and friends aren’t meant to get jealous of their friends being on dates.”

“They aren’t?” Jack’s lips twitch into a smirk, her voice barely above a whisper. “Guess I missed that memo.”

“Yeah, I think Ellie would agree.” You tease, voice as quiet as Jack’s. Her cheeks prickle with heat but her eyes don’t leave yours. You don’t know when it happened, but you’ve moved closer to each other, Jack reaches out and cups your cheek. You instantly lean into the touch, loving the way Jack smiles and her eyes twinkle.

She hums. “I guess friends probably shouldn’t want to kiss their friends either.” You swallow roughly as Jack’s gaze falls to your lips before slowly making its way back to your eyes. “I suppose we aren’t just friends then.”

“Hmm...That seems like a theory that needs testing out.” Your eyes darken, tongue darting out to wet your lips in anticipation. With a laugh, Jack tugs you closer, your breath catches in your throat as she stops centimetres from your lips. Your heads are titled, her heavy-lidded eyes darting between yours and your open mouth in question. Your hand goes to the back of her neck and you close the last bit of distance. The kiss is soft and slow and, despite your slightly awkward crossed-legged positions, better than anything you’d ever imagined. Your hands tangle in the hair at the nape of her neck as you explore one another’s mouths. It’s over too soon, Jack pulling back slightly to rest her forehead against yours. You’re grinning like a maniac but you’re too happy to care.

“You’re so beautiful.” Jack breathes. Your cheeks heat up from the combination of her words and the intensity of her gaze. You pull her back in, placing a soft peck on her lips. Jack stops you from pulling away, releasing a breathy “Nuh-uh.” and bringing you right back to her lips. The kisses heat up as she pulls a throaty moan from you, tongue seeking entrance to your mouth. She finds her way into your lap, moans erupting from both of you as she grinds her hips down and cups your breast through your shirt.

You pull your mouth away, both of you breathing heavily. “Work.”

“I really don’t care about work right now.” Jack grinds her hips again to prove her point and you’re so tempted to say screw it but you know this case is important.

“You will when I inevitably get a message telling me to get my ass back to work.” And you weren’t about to start something you couldn’t finish. Jack sighs, knowing you’re right. She goes to shuffle off your lap, but you stop her with a hand to her waist. Jack brow raises, smirk back on her face. You take a moment to admire her. Her slightly ruffled hair from where your hands had been, swollen lips from your kisses. She was stunning.

“Y/N?” Jack asks, eyes softening as she reaches out to cup your cheek. “What are you thinking?”

“I like you a lot, Jack. I just need to know if this, us, is something you want.” Tears build behind your eyes as your insecurities rush through you. You needed to be sure that she felt the same things you did before you let yourself fly away on cloud 9...before you got hurt. Jack clicks her tongue, eyes unbelievably soft and full of emotion as she places a hard, passionate kiss against your lip. When she pulls back, she makes sure your eyes are open and on her before she speaks.

“Yes Y/N, I want this. I want you.” A tear escapes your eye and Jack wipes it away, leaving a kiss in its place. She moves to your other cheek, placing another kiss before capturing your lips again.

Jack’s office phone starts ringing, and she groans, placing one last peck to your lips before getting off your lap and making her way to her desk. “Jacqueline Sloane.” Your eyes trail over her body as she perches herself on the edge of her desk. She’s wearing one of her fitted pantsuits. It’s dark green with a white shirt underneath and honestly, it should be illegal to look that good. You couldn’t wait to get her to your house, have the time to explore every inch of her skin, see her laid out underneath you with messy hair and a satisfied smile. God, she was-

“Hey!” You jump as a lollipop hits you in the chest. “What was that for?” You pout, taking the lollipop out of its wrapper and placing it in your mouth. Mm, your favourite.

Jack puts the phone back in its holder. A brow raised as she huffs. “Oh, Please. As if you weren’t just undressing me with your eyes.” Your cheeks pink, as you make your way over to Jack. You pull the lollipop from your mouth, twiddling it between your fingers as you smirk.

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I know you too well to let your innocent act fool me.” Jack pulls you to stand between her legs, hands resting on your hips.

“Oh no!” You fake gasp, humour seeping into your tone. “Can’t have you knowing all my secrets.”

Jack hums, her voice lowering to a sultry tone that makes your legs wobble. “Baby, I already do.”

“So not fair.” You mutter. 4 words, a sultry tone, and her smirk and you were already putty. Jack’s office phone rings again. She leans over and grabs the phone, keeping a hand on your hip so you don’t move away.

“Jacqueline Sloane.”

“Tell Y/N to get her ass back down here. She’s not getting paid to make out with you.” Gibbs' gruff voice rings through the phone. Jack’s head tilts back, pure laughter escaping her throat as your face heats up.

“I’ll send her down.” Jack doesn’t wait for a response, just hangs up the phone. A devilish smirk on her face when she faces you. “I think we should make that a game, how many times in a day can we make out without getting caught.”

“Make it a competition and add in how often we can distract each other as well.”

Jack’s eyes darken. “Are you prepared to lose? I happen to have quite the competitive streak.”

“Oh, I know. All the more fun.” Jack’s toes curl as you capture her lips, drawing moans from her throat as you nip at her lip. Jack’s hands tighten on your waist as she tries to pull you closer, but you pull out of her grasp, breaking the kiss with a smirk. “Got to go to work.” You place the lollipop back in your mouth, leaving Jack as her swollen lips hang open in shock.

“You play dirty.”

“Oh, baby.” You grin as Jack’s eyes darken, nostrils flaring. “You’ve got no idea.” You close her office door behind you, basking in her frustrated groan as you walk back to the bullpen with a skip in your step and a smirk on your face.

#jack sloane x reader #jacqueline sloane #jack sloane #ncis #maria bello #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #but i'm in this space with you #light angst #fluff #fem!reader

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redheadedrenagade · 4 years ago

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Wicked Game

Chapter 3: White Winter Hymnal

Chapters 1 & 2 can be found here and here.

No warnings. This takes place one month after the second chapter. Hope you enjoy. :)

The town is bustling in a flurry of wintery solstice and chattering teeth. Snow had just started to fall lazily from the sky, blanketing the grass thinly. Charlotte looks out the window at the passersby anxiously, dying to finally be cleared of house arrest by Maria. She loves and appreciates her with her entire heart for keeping her sorry ass alive, and she knows that she wants to prepare something truly special for her this Christmas. Something that she can look at and hear the words “thank you, I love you” every time she sees it. There would be time for that soon enough, because today her plans consisted of something she’d have previously sworn she’d never miss: patrol.

Oh, god, I’m going to drive everyone crazy…

She has so much pent up energy, and far less fear than before her survival against death, (she was kind of a certified badass now, obviously), and all she can think about is having a bow in her hands again, hunting in the forest, eating at the mess hall, spending time with Ellie and Jo-

Nope. No. We’re not going there.

She brushes the thought off like a snowflake and gently pulls on her coat, making sure Maria sees her being careful with her almost healed arm as she walks into the room.

“Well, you ready to face the outside world yet or what?” Maria smiles warmly at her and walks forward to embrace her in a warm hug.

“I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for you. You…you really are the best leader,” Charlotte says and pulls back to hold Maria’s shoulders and look her in the eyes, “the best friend anyone could ask for. Now that I’m out of that bed I can get back to convincing you of that.”

Maria’s blushes and waves her off, but not dismissively. She’d always been relentlessly modest about her leadership in Jackson. “I’m just doing what anyone else would. Now, listen, I know you’re excited to be back in action, but I need you to promise me that you won’t – “

“Maria, I promise I won’t put all your hard work to waste. You literally saved my life. Anything you say from here on out, I’m gonna’ do, no questions asked,” Charlotte assures her with a signature crooked grin, patting Maria’s shoulder.

Maria snorts loudly and walks to grab Charlotte’s bag with her essentials and hands it over to her.

“You’ve never listened to anyone a day in your life, Char.”

Charlotte can’t hold back a loud laugh that instantly feels so good after such a painful month. “Okay, you have me there. But there are exceptions. Well, one exception,” she replies with a wink.

Maria escorts her out the door, already making dinner plans for this coming weekend after the mandatory optional but highly encouraged Christmas celebration, and Charlotte starts the half mile walk back to her tiny cabin. The cold, brisk air feels like heaven against her face, the crisp feeling of snowfall bringing her immense comfort. Winter had always been her favorite season, even now that it was admittedly much harder to handle since the world went to shit.

It was lunchtime in Jackson, so she didn’t run into anyone on the way, which she was secretly grateful for. As excited as she was to re-enter the world, she needed some time to just be home for a moment. She stops short when she sees a large figure sitting on her porch steps. Cautiously, she walks on and as she gets closer comes to the shocking realization that’s it’s Joel of all people.

She shoves the hand not holding onto one of her backpack straps into her jeans pocket, looking only at the ground until she gets to the porch, where she’s forced to confront him. He’s just as handsome as she remembers. His cheeks are tinged pink from the cold, and his black hair peppered with grays is slightly unkempt from the wind. His hands are clasped together, elbows resting on his knees.

And those eyes.

How the fuck do you make me feel like this?

She manages to give him a quiet hello, nervously re-adjusting her backpack and letting her eyes fall to the ground.

“Hey. Heard that – Maria told me you were – just thought I’d come say, well, I’m glad you’re doin’ better, kiddo,” he manages to stutter out, and it makes her heart jump a beat at how…nervous? And unsure of himself he sounds.

“Oh! Well, yeah. Um, that’s – thank you. It’s really great to be out of that damn bed. Was going a little koo-koo for Cocoa puffs in there,” she replies, laughing nervously and kicking the ground lightly with the toe of her boot. When she looks up at him again, he has a bemused expression on his face that she can’t help but chuckle at. “What’re you smilin’ about, sir?”

He breathes out through his nose in a laugh and shakes his head a bit, giving her a subtle once-over from head to foot, then back again. Charlotte feels her stomach flutter and her face becomes suspiciously warm for a winter day.

“I forget that other people remember things from back then. Sometimes I even forget I’m not the only one alive that had a life of some kind before it happened,” he replies, his eyes not leaving hers and her eyes not leaving the half-smile on his face that she caused.

“I…well, yeah, I feel like that sometimes, too. It happened to the whole world but it still feels like no one understands, somehow. It’s weird,” she says, tucking a lock of long red hair behind her ear and lingering a moment too long on the past. Her face darkens as her own memories of horror and loss flash across the forefront of her mind before she can push them back.

He clears his throat a bit as if he understands what she’s thinking and pushes against his knees to stand up and walk down the steps to her. She feels her heart pounding annoyingly hard in her ribcage as he approaches. He always had a way of snapping her out of her thoughts.

He’s so tall. And damn, does he look amazing in that sweater. Oh, jesus, get ahold of yourself, woman!

“Listen. I – well, I ain’t never been a man who knows the right things to say, or when to say ‘em. Just wasn’t born gifted with words like you, I guess.”

She opens her mouth to protest and tell him that she can’t articulate things for shit either, but he holds up a hand telling her he needs to say more. His expression is almost pained as he awkwardly struggles to share what’s on his mind.

“I didn’t act right. That night, when you…when we brought you back. I’ve been kickin’ myself over it and I just wanna’ set the record straight.”

She nods gently and for once, revels in not being the most nervous person between the two of them. He scratches the back of his head sheepishly before continuing.

“It ain’t just because of Ellie. Not just because you bein’ okay is what’s best for her. I’m very…glad, that – Charlotte, when we first saw you, I was sure you were just about gone. I thought we were too late, and I…”

Charlotte is starting to feel bad for him at this point and decides to end his misery. She lets her backpack slide down her arm onto the snowy earth and even as he looks at her with confusion, she leans into his broad chest and wraps her arms around his neck, pulling him hard against her. This is her second thank you for that night.

For a moment he doesn’t even budge; just a solid wall of concrete Joel. But he quickly rights himself and lets his strong arms enclose around her, allowing his chin to rest against her shoulder. Her face is nestled into his neck, just like before, when the world was fading into darkness. In the back of her mind, she remembers one thing as she was fading that night, a low voice saying something to her, comforting and calm as a sunset.

Sweetheart.

She blushes fiercely into his sweater and pulls back a bit to smile up at him shyly with her lop-sided grin. Looking directly into his hazel eyes is liking staring into the sun, and she swallows thickly in her nervousness. He, however, seems calmer now, with his big hands now resting lightly at her waist from pulling back from their embrace. Then, he smiles back, and Charlotte feels a burst of warmth bloom inside her belly. She's thankful to have her hands on his shoulders to anchor her.

“I don’t regret any of it. I’d do it all again if I had to,” Charlotte says, her voice soft and sincere as she struggles to maintain eye contact. Her face feels like it's on fire. He chuckles then and takes a step back, and she immediately misses the warm presence of his body against hers.

“I’ll make sure it won’t come to that, darlin’.”

She feels a pang of something in her heart that feels completely foreign and somehow as natural as breathing. The same feeling she felt when he called her sweetheart.

People who are just friends don’t usually say things like this…do they?

Before she can think too deeply on it, a youthful voice all but bellows her name. She knows instantly who it is and turns around just in time to have Ellie barreling into her chest, hugging her so hard she might’ve broken a rib, and Charlotte laughs joyously despite the pain.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were out today?! And you went to see Joel first? Like, c’mon, dude, I'm way more important,” she declares with passion, and it makes Charlotte smile even harder and hold her closer yet.

“Wanted to surprise you. Thought we could walk to patrol together in a bit. God, I missed you, girl!” Charlotte exclaims, swaying them side to side and enjoying every second of having the girl in her arms, safe and happy.

“She didn’t come to see me. I, uh, I had something I needed to talk to her about. An’ now I have, so I’ll let you two be. Ellie, careful of her wounds, your bein’ too rough,” says Joel, shaking his head slightly but he grins, nonetheless. Ellie finally parts from Charlotte to narrow her eyes at him suspiciously, a hint of mischief in her expression.

“Yeah, it sure looked like you were doing a lot of talking with all that hugging you two were doing.”

Oh my god, Ellie. If I didn’t love you so much, I’d strangle you!

Much to Charlotte’s surprise, Joel’s smile widens as he opens his arms to Ellie, advancing on her quickly, “Yep, and now it’s your turn, kid. No need to be jealous.”

Ellie shrieks and tries to escape, but he’s too quick as he grabs her around the middle with her back to his chest, and Charlotte can’t help but burst into laughter at the tiny girl kicking her legs in the air as he spins her around. Joel’s rich laughter fills the air amidst Ellie’s slew of curse words, but when he puts her down, her cheeks are tinged pink and she’s got a big, toothy smile on her face.

“Such a jerk!” She fake pouts and punches him lightly in the shoulder.

“That’s my job,” he replies with a wink, and Charlotte can’t help admiring the relationship and love between the two of them. She wonders if she’ll ever have something like that of her own one day.

“Well, I’ll see you ladies later. Have to go help set things up for that damn Christmas party next week,” Joel sighs, rubbing his forehead in an annoyed fashion before turning to leave.

“C’mon, where’s your holiday spirit Joel? There isn’t anything you like about Christmastime?” Charlotte enquires, eyebrows raised in surprise.

How can someone not like Christmas? That’s like not liking puppies…or chocolate…

He looks at Ellie with a soft expression, and then his eyes flicker back to Charlotte’s. She feels an electric current rushing through her veins as his expression subtly changes as he studies her face, and his eyes hold something very different within them than just moments before.

Joel turns back to look at her and pauses, his expression neutral and unreadable. He then crosses his arms with a wry smile forming on his lips.

“Well, I guess there’s a couple things that ain’t too bad about it.”

Then, as if nothing had transpired at all, he breathes a small laugh out of his nose and takes his leave. Charlotte stands rooted to the spot, feeling like she’s just been wacked against the head with a frying pan. Her heart is still stuttering at the memory of that look in his eyes.

That look he gave me.

Charlotte huffs out a laugh and shakes her head incredulously before picking up her backpack and slinging it over her shoulder. She looks down at Ellie and sees that she’s looking up at her with an eyebrow raised and a slightly smug expression on her face. Charlotte shoves her lightly and can’t help but chuckle as they make their way into her cabin.

Ellie snorts loudly and elbows her in the side, bringing her swiftly back to reality.

“What the hell was that all about?”

“Honestly, Ells? I have no fuckin’ clue.”

#wicked game fic #tlou #the last of us #ellie williams #joel miller #joel miller x oc #tlou fanfic #tlou fanfiction #tlou fic #my posts #wicked game

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the-queer-dungeoneer · 5 years ago

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Not Alone (Crowley x Fem! Reader) - Ch. 3/?

Previous / Next

Characters: Reader, Crowley, Aziraphale, Gabriel and likely more once we get into the thick of it.

Relationships: Crowley x Reader, Aziraphale x Reader, Aziraphale x Crowley

POV: First-person

Warnings: Death of a family friend

Tags: @curse-brekker, @oopstheregoesmysoul13

*gif is not mine and neither are any of the characters or source material!

Y/N = your name

Y/N/N = your nickname

Y/L/N = your last name

H/C = Hair color

E/C = Eye color

F/C = Favorite color

A/N: Chapter three is here, my loves! Yay for relationship development! Honetly, I think being close friends with Aziraphale would be such a wonderful experience. I hope you enjoy!

Thank you to my lovely editor @aka-ellie ❤️

Lots of love! - TQD

October, 2018

We went to a small Indian restaurant about half a mile from the shop. The food was impeccable, but it was shoved into second place by the lovely conversation.

This time he seemed much more interested in my upbringing. I told him about how I’d grown up with my grandparents, and how I still called my grams every day. I talked about how I had grown up in art and theatre classes, which had helped me with my anxiety and depression. I also explained that this was my motivation for working towards arts as a form of healthcare. I had experienced the benefits upfront, and they could be so helpful for so many people. I left a lot of the more unsavory details of my childhood out because it didn’t seem like the time to bear my uglier scars.

He asked me all kinds of questions about growing up in Seattle. He wanted to know all about if the seafood there was as good as he’d heard (I hate seafood, so I was the wrong person to ask about that) and I told him that I thought it might be. We talked about the interesting bookshops around the city, and I gushed that his was far better than any of them, which made him grin like a schoolboy.

I was content wandering arm in arm with Aziraphale. I hadn’t had a meal that delicious or filling in weeks. I’d been subsisting off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and instant noodles because of my limited budget. It was great to not feel hungry, and even better to not feel lonely. I was smiling despite myself, and there are few memories I treasure more than that one.

He walked me to my apartment and cordially held the door open once I’d buzzed myself in. His gentlemanly demeanor never seemed patronizing, always completely genuine. It was sweet.

“Would you like to come in? I have coffee and tea.”

“Oh goodness dear, it’s rather late. I do not want to take up any more of your evening,” he responded. We seemed to be caught in a dance of wanting to spend time together, but not impose. The best part was, it wasn’t just me.

“Really, Aziraphale, it’s no trouble. I stay up this late all the time. If it sweetens the deal at all, I can dig out some hot cocoa? Oh! You can even meet my bunny!”

“Well you didn’t tell me that you have a rabbit! That is all the convincing I need.” He giggled happily and followed me up the stairs.

My living space was quaint, and by quaint, I mean incredibly small. But it was all the space I could possibly need. After all, it was just me and Penelope, and I wasn’t entertaining much.

Penelope had a small hutch with a litter box and a bed, but I never closed the door. She hopped about the apartment most all day and night. I did lock her up when I was sleeping though. I had this nagging fear that she would hop into bed with me and I’d suffocate her by accident. Dark, I know, but real. Also, locking her up at night and covering the cage with a blanket meant she slept when I did, so we were on relatively the same schedule. It made life easier. Penelope had been my best friend for two years. She was a graduation present from my grandfather when I finished high school. I had hidden her in my dorm room secretly during freshman year, and against my family's wishes, I had paid the extra fees to have her travel with me all the way to London. She was more companion than pet. I read her all my papers and textbooks, I let her pee on the papers I’d gotten bad grades on, she cuddled with me on bad days and hopped around my feet in celebratory dance parties. We were inseparable.

I smiled unlocking my little red front door. The number fourteen was crooked. I should have told the landlord by now, but it added character, so I didn’t really mind.

“Where’s my little fluffernutter?” I called in a sing-song voice. I was answered with the skittering sound of bunny feet and Penelope made her way into the kitchen and slid across the tiles to greet me. She jumped straight into my arms and nuzzled against my chest. She often acted more like a dog than a rabbit. I wasn’t sure who was more co-dependent, but I didn’t care. It was nice to be needed. “Oh, hello darling! Mama missed you so much!”

“My goodness! That is the most affectionate rabbit I have ever seen! What is her name?”

“Oh, where are my manners? Aziraphale, this is Penelope,” I said hiking the small furball into the crook of my elbow, “And Penelope, this is Aziraphale,” I finished, grabbing a hold of her paw and extending it in a mock-introductory handshake.”

Aziraphale went right along with my dorky antics and shook Penelope’s paw. “It is lovely to meet such a refined lady as yourself Miss Penelope, I marvel at the pleasure.”

I couldn’t hold back my giggles. I knew I could laugh freely with Aziraphale. However, when I inadvertently snorted I stopped short and my cheeks flushed red.

“Oh well that was simply adorable,” Aziraphale giggled. “Don’t go getting all embarrassed, I have heard centuries worth of embarrassing laughs, and yours doesn’t even come close.”

I exhaled and continued my giggling fit. As I made my way into the apartment kitchen. I slid my shoes off and left them to the right of the door before padding across the outdated linoleum tiles the grab a few mugs. My kitchen, while small, was lovely. The cabinets were all a shade of robin’s egg blue and the countertops were a subtle white tile. It was the first thing when you saw when you entered and added a calming air to the room. It wrapped around into a small bar with matching blue bar stools to the left, and the rest of my studio sprawled out behind that. There was a large window facing north, which my couch (also my bed) sat underneath on the far wall. I had photos and cards from my family and friends back home as well as art pieces I’d collected over the years hung up all around. The coffee table perched in front of my couch/bed - we’ll call it my bouch - was covered in textbooks, papers and highlighters as well as a few empty bowls and a smattering of silverware. Across from the bouch was my television on top of my bookshelf. I didn’t watch much TV, but I had a Gamecube that I liked to play occasionally, to relax. At the far end of the apartment from the kitchen was my small bathroom. It was decorated all in lime green. Definitely a product of the 70’s when these apartments went up. Penelope’s hutch sat on the wall next to the bathroom door. It was just a basic black wire hutch with a hidey hole, a water bottle, food bowl and wood shavings.

I only had enough serving ware for two people, thankfully I had done most of the dishes. Usually, two-people’s-worth just meant I could eat another bowl of soup before I actually had to consider pulling out a sponge. I busied myself with tea while Aziraphale settled down on one of the barstools watching the odd dance I did to prepare everything with one arm occupied by my small rodent best friend. When she got squirmy, I set her down.

“I know it’s past your bedtime you little monster. Give me one second.” I huffed before walking over and grabbing her small blanket from the ground next to the couch. I laid it out in the hutch under the hidey hole cover where she liked to sleep and gestured at it with playful annoyance. “How’s that, your majesty?”

Apparently, it was fine because she hopped right in. I gently latched the door and flipped down the quilt that was folded on top of the hutch. She’d likely be asleep in minutes. She, like her human, loved to sleep. Naps were only second to food.

The kettle started to whistle, causing me to whip around and slide back to the kitchen. I had become an expert in the Olympic sport of sock-on-tile skating in my time, though I did smack my hip on the oven handle during my graceful finish.

“Oh, dear! Are you alright?” Aziraphale winced.

“Yeah, yeah! I am a bit of a klutz. I do stupid stuff all the time. Now! Your tea, sir. Be careful, it’s hot.” I smiled, placing a mug on the counter.

“Oh, thank you! Your apartment is beautiful. You’ve made it very welcoming. There is a lot of love in here.”

I settled down on the barstool next to him, and he started asking about all of my pictures. I pulled one of my favorites off the wall, a glossy 5x7 of myself and my grams in matching skeleton costumes. I was seven, and we went trick-or-treating around the police station where my grandpa worked. One of the officers picked me up shouting “Who left this skeleton out on the floor?! All human remains should be sealed in the evidence locker!” He tossed me over his shoulder and carried me all around the precinct. I laughed until I couldn’t breathe. He slapped an evidence sticker across my forehead and gave me a full-sized Twix bar.

Officer Peterson was a good man. He had passed away in the line of duty two years later. I was too young to really understand that. I remembered though, my grandpa had sat me down and talked to me for a long time about death and how it worked. He told me it wasn’t something bad. A lot of times it meant people weren’t hurting or scared anymore. Grandpa never backed away from the hard conversations. I was lucky for that.

This is how the evening went on. Each picture had so many memories and smiles attached. Aziraphale never ran out of questions to ask. He was so curious, as though domestic life was the most interesting thing in the world. I don’t know when three o’clock rolled around, but that didn’t stop anything. Neither of us considered wrapping things up until well after the sun started to peak through the window and Penelope started to stir in her hutch.

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #good omens crowley #good omens aziraphale #good omens x reader #good omens fic #good omens imagine #crowley x reader #aziraphale x reader #ineffable husbands #reader insert #reader

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raybansandcoffee · 5 years ago

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Adventure of a Lifetime: Chapter Thirteen

You aren’t imagining this. This is a real chapter. Brand new. 10,440+ words in fact. It’s been a long process and an emotional one to write this chapter as well as the last few. I am excited to start chapter 14 which will be a MUCH lighter chapter. Happy things. Cute things. Not all of the emotions of this last section. Thank you for sticking with me while I took an extended break to take care of myself. At the beginning of November, I got sick with influenza b, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. After 3 rounds of antibiotics and 2 rounds of steroids, I am alive. I have been in the midst of a migraine from hell (today is day 16 in a row) so it’s been hard to sit at my computer for longer than a workday. But this week I did it. My word for 2020 persist. I’ve got a ‘Nevertheless, she persisted’ sticker on my planner and the full quote on the letterboard by my desk. This week I persisted and got this chapter DONE. And now I can go to sleep for the first time in 36+ hours (I didn’t sleep at all last night). I hope you enjoy this chapter.

If you need to catch up, want to refresh yourself on Chapter Eleven or read the entire story up to this point you can find it here.

**********

“You look really pretty, Mom,” Ellery said. She was sitting on the vanity in my bathroom as I curled her hair. Between myself, Frankie, Mandi, and Savannah we had four curling irons going in the bathroom to make sure Ellie, Ava, Aria, and Harlow had their hair done for today.

“Thank you, Ellie Belle.” I’d opted for a soft pink pleated maxi skirt that was very flowy thus making it very comfortable for today. It was the perfect shade to match my hair. Instead of opting for a fancy blouse I put on a white graphic tee that in black read ‘where words fail music speaks’ in a script font. It was a quote that Sam and I had painted on the wall in the lobby of our studio as it meant a lot to both of us. I knew she’d have loved that I was wearing this with a skirt and sandals today instead of being extremely dressed up. She would be even happier that I had tied a knot in it causing a slight bit of skin to be showing. I’d already done my own hair and makeup so I was completely ready. Our little beauty shop for little girls was the perfect way to relax this morning.

“You do look good, sis. The tee was a good choice,” Frankie said. “I was convinced you would decide today was a day for cut off shorts and a vintage band shirt so I’m rather impressed that we ended up with this. Where did you get that skirt?”

“I ordered it online from a boutique. I have it in three colors. I’ll send you the link.” I finished the final curl on Ellie’s hair. Her dark brown hair was the exact same shade as Sam’s. I’d spent my fair share of time curling Sam’s hair for a night out so doing this today and curling Ellie’s hair felt like second nature, even though we’d only done this a handful of times in the last year.

“Are all of you ladies decent in here?” Jeremy called from my bedroom. He walked in with his hands over his eyes.

“Dad!” Ava yelled as she giggled. “What are you doing?”

“Just wanted to check and make sure all of you were doing okay.” He smiled at me and I felt the butterflies in my stomach flutter.

“We are,” Frankie answered. “We actually have all of the little ones ready.”

“You have perfect timing, we just finished,” I said as I picked Ellie up off of the counter.

“And you all look beautiful. Grown-ups and tiny humans included.” We all started to file out of my bedroom. “You doing okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good. Time with all of the girls this morning was helpful. Did you get Axel covered?” He’d offered to make sure that Axel was ready so that we could all have a little girl time this morning. He knew that I’d had a rough night and hadn’t slept well. Unfortunately, I’d had a nightmare, this time I didn’t wake up screaming but I did wake up in a panic. Having someone there with me to comfort me was completely different and helped me calm down and be able to go back to bed in less time than it normally takes.

“I did. He’s all dressed and ready for today in the outfit you’d picked out for him.”

“Thank you,” I replied before leaning in to kiss him now that my bedroom was empty. “I appreciate you a lot.”

“No worries. I’m happy to help. I have a good feeling about today,” he said.

“I’m glad one of us does. I have a pit in my stomach and feel like I might puke.” He hugged me to him, kissing the top of my head as he rubbed my back. “I’m sure it’s just the way last night ended and then the nightmare. It all adds up to me feeling on edge. I hate it.”

“You’ll be okay. You’ve got me. Then tomorrow is a day of rest and relaxation by the pool with Monday being my day to spoil you.”

“I am so ready for that.” He squeezed me tightly in a hug before we filed out of my room and down to the kitchen. The house was already busy with people. Everything from the catering staff to my family and friends running around. We’d have guests arriving within a half hour for today. It would last well into the evening as it was meant to be more of an open house rather than a sit-down dinner like last night. I made my way through the crowd of people to the pantry and my coffee pot. I made myself an iced latte in there with the door shut so I had a little quiet time.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were in here,” Alex said as she opened the door and found me with my head on the counter.

“It’s okay. I just haven’t had enough caffeine this morning so I thought I’d hide in here and make another coffee. Want one?” I asked.

“Sure,” she replied. I knew exactly how she took her coffee so as soon as mine came off of the pot I started to make hers. “You look tired.”

“I am. I had another nightmare last night. Thankfully it didn’t keep me awake as long as normal.”

“I wish you’d told me you were still having them.”

“I don’t like talking about it. Jeremy only knows because I was so tired from one a couple weeks ago that I didn’t even realize I was telling him. I just blurted it out.”

“Still, I wish you’d told me. I worry.”

“I know. It’s why I don’t really talk about it with anyone. No one needs to worry about me. It’s my life, it’s the hand I’ve been dealt. I’ll be fine.”

“How did Jeremy handle it last night?”

“Like it was nothing. I woke up panicked, thankfully not screaming, but as soon as I came out of the haze from the nightmare I started crying. He just held me until I fell back to sleep. He’s a great guy. I’m very lucky to have him in my life. He’s incredible and so kind.”

“I’m glad he was able to help.” She needed to give him a chance and put her own bullshit behind her but I was not going to make that suggestion today. I didn’t want another blow out with her, at least not today. Once her coffee was done I handed it to her and walked out of the pantry. My few moments of peace and quiet weren’t peaceful or quiet and I knew this was how the entire day would go. Maybe at some point, I’d get a chance to just breathe for a little while.

“You okay?” Jeremy asked as he snuck up beside me.

“As okay as I’m going to be. I’m going to wish I’d put booze in this coffee in a little bit.” Jeremy laughed before he placed a soft kiss on my temple.

“We will get through today and tomorrow and then it’s just us time.”

“I can’t even tell you how excited I am for that. Peace, quiet, and maybe a stiff drink or twelve.”

“You’ll get to drink tomorrow. I’ll make sure that you don’t have to drive.” I laughed. Before I knew it my driveway filled with cars and my house was inundated with people. It was a good thing I’d mastered the fake smile over the last year because it was getting a lot of work today. I wished I could just go hide behind a keyboard or guitar with my little brother. No one would talk to me there but this was my house, I was the host, hiding wasn’t allowed.

There were so many people. The estimate my sister had given me was a low ball, by a long shot. I don’t know if it was that people hadn’t RSVPed or maybe had last minute decided a weekend in Tahoe sounded fun. I don’t know what it was but there were a lot of people in my house. Jeremy had stayed by my side as much as he could but the number of times I’d had to introduce him to people was growing and I knew he needed a break so I told him to go play with the girls, which was where both of us would’ve much rather been. I went over to the bar, where my sister was standing.

“Need a drink?” she asked. I nodded.

“Desperately.” I turned to look at the bartender and ordered a drink. We’d had a lemon, lime punch with sweet sparkling white wine and vodka made in larger batches. It was a concoction that Sam had come up with when we were on vacation in Italy after our freshman year of college. She’d made it the signature cocktail of every birthday party, bridal shower, or basically any party since then. It wasn’t my normal speed but today it would have to do. We’d tamed down the alcohol content in it by leaving out the limoncello Sam usually added. We weren’t looking to have guests hammered but it wouldn’t have been a Sam party without it. Once I had my drink my sister and I walked away from the bar.

“I’m really sorry about how many people are here. I didn’t think there would be this many people here.”

“It’s not your fault. You were trying to help with this and wanted to make sure that anyone who wanted to be included was included. I appreciate you for this. It’s just a lot.” I glanced at the back deck of my house at the moment that he walked out the door. Dark jeans, tight white shirt with a blazer over it, looking almost exactly like he did the first time I laid eyes on him. “You invited him?” I asked as I turned to look at my sister, the panic of the approaching moment setting in.

“I swear I didn’t. Are you okay?”

“I have no fucking clue.” I took a gulp of my drink and a deep breath as he approached us.

“Charlie, Frankie, lovely to see you both,” he said as he hugged us both and kissed each of us on the cheek.

“Same to you,” Frankie replied. “I need to go check with the caterers on something. I’ll let you two catch up.” And with that my sister disappeared from the awkward moment leaving me alone.

“Hi,” I said softly. “I didn’t realize you were coming.”

“Did you not get my RSVP?”

“No, I didn’t manage the guest list. Look around. Do you think I had anything to do with this?” He laughed as I acted like Vanna White.

“You had nothing to do with this at all. I should’ve known.”

“Yeah, my idea was the dinner we had last night. This was all Frankie and Alex, the only part of the decision I made was that it was here instead of LA so that I didn’t have to travel with the kids this weekend.”

“The house looks beautiful. You’ve made some changes to make it more you.”

“Only small ones, though if my step-mom gets her way she’s coming back later this summer and redoing the entire thing. Everyone thinks that because it’s been a year I need to overhaul it, make it my house instead of theirs. I don’t know.”

“You’ll figure it out. You’re one of the most decisive women I’ve ever met. I am sorry that I didn’t call to tell you I was coming. I guess I mistakenly thought it was you sending me the invitation and that you knew I’d be here. It was wrong of me not to make sure my presence was okay.”

“Your presence is fine, welcome in fact. You were one of Michael’s best friends. It would be unfair of me to say that you couldn’t be here.”

“Still. It’s been almost a year. I should’ve called.” I looked into his blue eyes and saw sympathy and compassion.

“You’re fine, Patrick. I promise. It’s been almost a year. It’s in the past. We don’t need to rehash all of that. You deserve to be here as much as I do.” He didn’t, but he had become one of Michael’s close friends because of how long we’d been together. “How have you been?”

“Good. Almost done with my next novel and working on a pilot based on the series I’m writing. Netflix is interested in picking it up.”

“That’s awesome. They are great to work with. I just finished up the score for an original show and sent it off this week.”

“Congratulations. I’m happy to see you haven’t stopped composing.”

“It’s harder now than it used to be. Though this one I had some help.”

“Really?” Patrick asked. I’d only ever composed with Sam and he knew I had a very particular way of writing so finding someone to write with would be hard.

“Yes, Tony moved in with me earlier this summer and has been writing with me. Go figure, the kid gets himself through college to live in my guest house and write music with me like we did when he was in high school.”

“That’s great. He sounds great today.” He nodded towards where Tony was standing and playing guitar. I saw the look in my brother’s eyes as they locked with mine. He was worried. I hadn’t seen or spoken to Patrick in nearly a year. Despite our relationship ending for completely understandable reasons, it had been far from easy on me. I lost my life partner and my soulmate in the span of a few weeks. The man I was planning to spend the rest of my life with and the person who meant more to me than anyone else in the world. The two people who knew all of my secrets. Both of them gone, even though one was still here. I’d tried at first to text him, call him, email but it was too hard. My whole life became the kids and just trying to survive, he was moving on.

“He sounds great every day. It’s frustrating.” I laughed before taking another drink. That was when I locked eyes with Jeremy and smiled the big smile that he always elicited from me. He was dancing with both of the girls in their tutus and flower crowns.

“You’re smiling your special smile,” Patrick said. I turned to look at him.

“What special smile?”

“You have this smile. I’d see it when you were with your family, around Sam, and occasionally it would be directed towards me if I did something spectacular. You’ve got it on right now.”

“Really? I didn’t know I had a special smile.” I was trying to play it off. I knew what it was. I’d seen pictures of me with the stupid grin, usually at weddings or in the background of a photo when the kids were doing something great. I also knew why it was on my face today, seeing Jeremy with the girls all surrounding him made me so unbelievably happy, even on this horrible day.

“You’re still a terrible liar, Char.”

“You know I can manage to lie to some people, you can usually see through my poker face which is completely unfair. So how has life been outside of work? It’s been a year, are you dating?” He seemed stunned. “Oh come on, you know I’m not good at beating around the bush. Let’s just get the awkward out.”

“I was in a relationship with someone for a few months, it ended recently so I’m starting to get back out there. Just pretty focused on finishing up the pilot and proposal for Netflix.” I heard the giggles as they grew closer and looked down just in time to grab Ellery as she jumped into my arms.

“Mommy!”

“Ellie! Were you having fun dancing?”

“I was. Jeremy spun us in circles. Lots of circles.”

“Hopefully not enough that you’re gonna get sick.”

“No getting sick,” Jeremy answered. “I know better than that.”

“Hi Uncle Patrick,” Ellery said.

“Hello there, Ellie. How are you?”

“I’m good, Mommy let me wear a tutu and sequins but she wouldn’t let me wear my unicorn onesie. I would’ve been better if I was dressed like a unicorn.”

“Of course you would’ve. How unfair of Mommy.” I laughed and rolled my eyes at him.

“Patrick this is Jeremy.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jeremy said as he stuck his hand out to shake Patrick’s. He had Ava balanced on his hip in the exact same way I had Ellie on mine.

“Nice to meet you as well.” Patrick looked back to me and smiled. ”I am going to get a drink and go mingle. I’m sure I’ll see you in a little bit.”

“Of course. The whiskey you and Michael loved is behind the bar if you’d like some.” I smiled before he turned to walk away.

“Hey girls, why don’t you go over and play with Aria and Harlow,” Jeremy said. We both put them down before he grabbed my hand. “You okay?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Patrick is here? You didn’t tell me he was coming.”

“I didn’t know that he was coming until he walked out the door. Frankie didn’t invite him either so that leaves Alex. But it’s okay. He was one of Michael’s closest friends. It would be unfair to keep him from today, though warning about my ex-boyfriend walking into my house after nearly a year of radio silence would’ve been nice. Not that I should expect something like that. I’m sorry that I didn’t do a better introduction. I didn’t really know what to say. Just calling you my daughter’s best friend’s dad isn’t accurate and I don’t know that calling you my friend is either.”

“I am so not worried about that. Your ex knowing that we’ve gone on one date isn’t necessary. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine for now. Though trust me, when there aren’t a billion people in my house Alex is gonna fuckin’ hear it.” I rolled my eyes. “I don’t know why she wouldn’t tell me other than it’s a way to manipulate me.”

“It’s all gonna be okay.” He squeezed my hand in his before kissing my temple.

“Thank you for being here. I know I sound like a broken record at this point but thank you, thank you, thank you.” He laughed.

“No need to thank me.” Within a few seconds the quiet moment we were having ended as I was pulled in a new direction. It was probably another hour of me feeling like a ping pong ball between guests. I needed a minute by myself. I need to have a second to just breathe. I snuck past guests making small talk like I needed to go to the restroom before sneaking into my studio, closing the door behind me. I walked over to the couch and laid down pulling the pillow over my face and screaming into it.

“Screaming into the pillow already? It’s still early, Char.” I moved the pillow to look at Patrick as he shut the door and came into the studio. I sat up so there was room on the couch.

“It’s not early. It’s day four of the hostage situation. My family showed up a day early to surprise me.”

“I’m sure that went over horribly,” he said laughing. “You don’t handle surprises well at all.”

“Nope, I don’t. They thought it would just be great.” I rolled my eyes. “And add to all the stress that when Alex and I got here we got into a full-on Real Housewives style screaming match it’s been a fucking banner week.”

“Which Real Housewives? Like were there tables flying Jersey style?”

“No, just insults and years of pent up anger. Very Beverly Hills.” He had watched a lot of Bravo with me over the years so this conversation made me laugh.

“Pent up anger? Let me guess, she’s not happy you’re dating an actor.” I am certain my eyes just opened wider than I’d thought humanly possible. “He was what prompted the smile, I’m not an idiot. You look really fucking happy despite today being the anniversary of the worst day of our lives.”

“I am really happy and it was totally about me dating an actor. Which like saying I’m dating an actor has the word dating doing a lot of work. We’ve been on one date which ended with him meeting my entire family in my kitchen because they thought showing up a day early was the best idea ever.”

“If he didn’t run after meeting your family you’re dating. Your Dad and Ryan still intimidate me all these years later, fuck Frankie scares me more than them combined.” I laughed again.

“He gets along with them. It’s great and scary all at once. He’s pretty amazing though. Ava, his daughter, and Ellie are best friends.”

“She calls you Mommy.” His eyes softened. The moniker was one we’d never imagined for me so to hear it was probably as much of a shock to him as it was me the first time. And while it had been startling it was the most wonderful sound I’d ever heard. I almost teared up just thinking about it, he looked like he might as well.

“She does.”

“You wear it well. I am really sorry about how things ended.” He was facing me on the couch. We’d spent thousands of hours of our life sitting on a couch in this position talking.

“You don’t need to apologize. If the reverse happened I would’ve left too.”

“You wouldn’t have. You’re the kindest and most giving person I know. If I’d ended up with two kids I wasn’t expecting you would’ve stuck by me. I wish I could’ve been strong enough to do that for you.”

“Don’t. It’s not the life either of us saw for ourselves. We didn’t see marriage or kids in our future. It was a shared desire. Me going and agreeing to take the kids if something happened changed that. Just because I said yes to being their Mom didn’t mean you had to say yes too.” I reached my hands toward him and grabbed his in mine. “Patrick, I haven’t felt any ill will towards you for the decision you made. Have I missed you? Yes, it was hard to lose you because I loved you and thought I’d spend forever with you. But my life changed, yours didn’t have to.”

“It did though. I’ve missed you. I tried to call, but it was too hard. Missing you wasn’t going to change our circumstance.” I felt a lump at the back of my throat. “You know why I didn’t want kids. I wish I could’ve been that person for you, for them, for us.”

“It’s okay. You needed to be you and I don’t blame you for a single second. I wish life had turned out differently for so many reasons. People look at me with sad eyes because I lost two of my best friends but in reality, I lost three.” He broke the eye contact we’d had and looked down at where our hands were still interlocked. “I tried to call too, but it felt unfair to us both. Like me calling to celebrate the things with the kids and the life, I’m living now would just remind you of the life we aren’t having because I said yes. I picked them over you.” I felt a tear escape and was immediately grateful that I’d opted for all waterproof makeup today.

“You did the thing you needed to do. Those kids are lucky to have you and honestly, motherhood looks really good on you. The kids are lucky to have you. Seeing how well you’ve taken to this role, I feel like I would’ve cheated you if I kept you from being a mother because I have unresolved issues from my childhood and didn’t want to be a parent.”

“You weren’t the only one with unresolved issues. Notice my mother is nowhere to be seen, partially because I told her not to come.” I laughed. “You know how this would’ve gone with, Stevie here.”

“Yeah, she’s safer to have stayed away. I ran into her about two months ago. She said you were doing well and that made me happy.” He paused for a minute, squeezing my hands in his. “I should’ve called.”

“The phone works two ways, Patrick. I could’ve called too. I am glad you’re here though. You were a huge part of my life for a really long time and you were my friend even before you were my boyfriend. At some point in our lives, I hope that we can work our way back to that but it might take a long time. The end of our relationship was traumatic and abrupt. It’s not like we gradually fell out of love with each other or one of us cheated. If we’d fallen out of love it would’ve made it easier, instead, it was just the circumstances of our lives. I never wanted to force you into parenthood with me. It wasn’t what you wanted and I didn’t want to do that to you. Things went the way they should have. It will all be better someday, it just won’t be the life we always pictured and that’s okay. I’ve learned that the new normal in my life is that the unexpected will always happen. I never imagined that our relationship would end even though we had our struggles. I never dreamed I’d be a mother to two kids or that I’d be doing any of this without Sam. I didn’t imagine I’d have my baby brother running away from home to come live with me. I didn’t imagine I’d meet a guy in the school parking lot. I was always the girl with everything possible planned out. The universe has other plans so I’ve stopped trying to predict what comes next and I’m working on just letting it happen.”

“That’s impressive for you. You are an over-planner. You’d give me lists of what I needed to pack for a trip a week in advance.”

“Because you’d throw clothes in a suitcase when we needed to leave for the airport in five minutes. You gave me so much anxiety.” We both laughed. I dropped his hands as it was starting to feel awkward that we were still holding hands.

“You really met him in the school parking lot?” I nodded. “That’s crazy. I mean you’re a hot mom so I’m not totally surprised.” I flipped him off. “What? You are hot. As you so eloquently pointed out, our relationship didn’t end because we fell out of love with each other. You’re one of the most beautiful women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing in my life, you becoming a mother didn’t change that.”

“Whatever. I’ve been the conductor on the Hot Mess Express for the last year. I was not looking my best the first time he and I talked. But he’s pretty great. Okay, this is weird, isn’t it? I shouldn’t be talking about it to you.”

“It is a bit weird. I mean I am happy you’re happy but it’s still weird.”

“Okay, then we should get back to this shindig that my sister and Alex planned before people notice that I’ve run off to hide from it.”

“We should.” As I stood up he pulled me into a hug. “I am so glad we talked.”

“Me too,” I replied. “You’ve been one of my favorite people for a long time. Someday life won’t be so weird and we’ll be old friends. Fuck, this summer I’ll be in LA we should grab a coffee. I can help you scope the hot chicks that hang in the coffee shops you write in.” He laughed. We’d met in a coffee shop when he was writing and I was taking a break from the studio. There were no tables left in the place and I needed somewhere to sit so he offered me the other chair at his table. I thought he was cute the first time I met him so I, of course, came back every day for the rest of the week and sat down at his table. He taught me about his rankings of LA coffee shops which were all based on the women that hung out in them, not the coffee. We were friends for a long time before we finally went on a date with each other and our relationship transitioned. At some point I was positive our relationship would be able to transition back but if we rushed it we could ruin any chance of it.

“I’d like that a lot. Someday I’m going to teach Axel about the coffee shop rankings.”

“Oh god help the world when that boy is old enough to date. He’s gonna be a heartbreaker I can tell. He flirts with every woman no matter where we are. He’s Michael to a fucking T.”

“I am so not surprised. I’m glad nature is winning there over nurture.” I slugged him in the arm.

“Honestly, so am I. I live with miniature versions of Sam and Michael. Ellery has Sam’s goddamn eye roll down. The first time she did it to me I was so blown away I couldn’t even discipline her for rolling her eyes at me when I told her she had to eat her dinner.” I opened the door and we both walked out of the studio before I shut and locked the door again. Once outside I made a beeline back to the bar and Patrick stopped to talk to one of the guys he and Michael hung out with that had come.

“Did you just come out of the house with Patrick?” Alex asked. I almost jumped because she’d snuck up on me, I had honestly been avoiding her since the coffee run-in this morning.

“Yes.”

“And?”

“And what?” I turned to look at her clearly not hiding that I was less than pleased with her at this very moment.

“Well, you haven’t talked in almost a year. Did it go well?”

“I mean as well as a conversation between former lovers can go in the middle of a party celebrating the death of their friends. It’s not like I jumped him in the house while everyone was out here. That’s not going to happen. We’ve both moved on.”

“Well, you haven’t moved on that much,” she said.

“I’ve moved on enough that it would be way out of bounds for something to happen between Patrick and I. Also, the situation of my life hasn’t changed and Patrick still doesn’t want to have kids so despite whatever scheme you dreamed up in your head based on some rom-com you’ve seen we will not be getting back together. I have kids, he doesn’t want them. I found someone who makes me happy and not only is okay with kids, he has one. He’s back to cruising coffee shops for dates. The end.”

“I just think it’s so sad that your relationship had to end.”

“So do I, which is why I don’t really want to relive it. I loved him, he loved me.” I saw her frown. “I know you think there’s some magical thing that’s going to make him change his mind the same way you thought someday I’d decided I wanted kids, which at that point in my life you couldn’t stand Patrick because you thought he was the person keeping me from joining your Mom group. It wasn’t him, it was both of us. My life has changed, I have the kids to worry about and I’m not willing to change his life and neither is he. Sometimes love isn’t enough and for us, it wasn’t. It’s time for you to come to terms with that. Also, I’m moving on with a wonderful man who loves kids, but more importantly, loves my kids. Patrick and I are never getting back together. Can you just be okay with that?”

“I guess.” I rolled my eyes.

“You guess? As a reminder, this is MY life, not yours. I’ve dealt with the heartbreak of losing him for nearly a year, I don’t want to relive it. You should have not only warned me that he was coming but also probably not invited him. It was rude and hurtful. He and I didn’t need to do that reunion in front of other people. You are a meddler and need to stop before you hurt me so badly that I just opt to never speak to you again.”

“You would never!”

“Try me,” I said. I wanted to dramatically storm away but I also wanted to get my drink. “This conversation isn’t over but I’m not having it with you while there are all these guests in my home.” I turned to order another drink and walked over to where Jeremy was standing with Ryan.

“I saw you and Patrick come out of the house together,” Jeremy said as he gently rubbed my back. “Did you have a nice talk?”

“We did. How did you know?”

“You hit that point that I knew you’d need alone time and as I went to walk towards the house knowing by your body language that you’d snuck in there I realized he caught it too. You haven’t talked in a year, I thought you might need that.”

“I did. Thank you for letting us have that moment. He said you’re braver than him because Frankie still scares the shit out of him.”

“I’m married to her and she’s scary sometimes,” Ryan said. “He also did get a black eye from her the last time he saw her so I’d be afraid if I were him.”

“True fucking story. I intend to never get on her bad side,” Jeremy added. “I’m glad things went well. They didn’t look like they went as well with Alex.”

“Oh, definitely not. She thought inviting him that somehow he’d forget that he wasn’t going to have kids, fall back in love with me and decide to spend forever with me and the kids. She’s delusional. She doesn’t know the whole story of why he doesn’t want kids, I do. It’s not changing. Not for me. Not for the kids. He loves Ellie, always has, but he doesn’t want to raise her. She was the one who always thought I’d change my mind and give up my no kids plan in life, she blamed it on him for a long time. So it’s funny that now she wants me to plot us getting back together like some bad romcom. It’s just her meddling like always.”

“I’m sorry. The end for you two wasn’t easy and her doing this has to be hard.” Jeremy’s eyes showed how much he meant the words as he said them.

“Thank you, it is hard. But it’s how it was supposed to go. I mean if it hadn’t you wouldn’t be here and you’re a pretty damn fun addition to my life.” I smiled at him.

“You’re gross.” Ryan reacted with fake vomit noises.

Eventually, the crowd started to clear out after every single moment of the day that was planned to happen happened. I knew in my mind I still needed to go spread what was left of their ashes. We’d had a small portion interred at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery, it was oddly a favorite place of Sam’s. We’d seen so many movies and bands there over the years. She also loved to go get lost in the cemetery when she needed time alone. She figured that she wasn’t really alone if she was surrounded by dead people. I knew I wanted a physical place the kids could go to visit their parents as they got older but that it felt odd to not leave a little bit of them at their favorite place in the woods in Tahoe. Stevie in all her weirdness had discovered that you could make jewelry out of ashes which seemed weird and creepy but I went with it. We had something made for both of the kids, Sam’s parents, aunt, and cousin, as well as me, the women in my family, Savannah and Alex. It had surprisingly brought comfort to all of us, though I rarely wore the pendant that had been made using their ashes, I wasn’t there yet.

“Thank you, everyone, for everything you did today. It was a beautiful day that Sam would’ve loved and Michael would’ve tolerated for her. It was filled with love, people, cupcakes and rainbows, all her favorite things. The kids and I are so lucky to have all of you in our lives. We are also all lucky that you were okay with pizza delivery tonight because there was no way I had the energy to cook after today.” Everyone laughed. We were spread around the deck at various tables because there were too many of us for one and with the tent gone the big table that we all fit at last night was gone. It was amazing how fast the party got torn down and my house returned to normal. “Now everyone eat.” I slumped down into my chair and took a bite of my pizza.

“You seem to be doing better,” Frankie said.

“I am. It’s been a long few days. I’m ready to sleep for a day. I need a little peace and quiet.”

“You’ll get it before too long,” Jeremy said.

“I can’t wait.” I smiled. Alex and Max were sitting at the table with me, Jeremy, Frankie, and Ryan. My parents, brother and Savannah had opted to sit with the kids. I think secretly they were all hoping it would make Alex and I talk about what happened without a table full of people to get hit by any flying objects.

“What do you have planned for your recovery day?” Alex asked.

“She has nothing planned,” Jeremy answered. “Savannah and Tony are going to take all three of the kids and she’s going to have a day of quiet at my house. I told her that if she wanted the house to herself I’d take everyone at my place or she could have my place to herself. Currently, it looks like I’m going to be invited to recovery day.”

“You’re totally invited. You’re cute and willing to mix me drinks while I lay in a raft in your pool.” Everyone laughed. “I’ll probably just sleep though. It’s been a long week and I haven’t gotten much decent sleep. I just want to sleep and not worry that I need to wake up with Axel in the middle of the night or something. Sleep is a precious commodity these days.”

“That sounds like a dreamy day,” Max added.

“Right? It’s gonna be perfect.” I smiled as I replied.

“Did you get a chance to say goodbye to Patrick before he left?” Alex asked before taking a bite of her pizza. She was still meddling about this.

“I did. I’ve promised to call when I am in LA next so we can grab a coffee. But as a reminder, he and I will not be getting back together and it’s disrespectful to suggest that in front of Jeremy.”

“I wasn’t suggesting that. Just that you hadn’t seen each other and he snuck out as a lot of Sam’s family was leaving, I wasn’t sure if you’d had a chance to say goodbye.”

“I did. So you can stop asking.”

“I didn’t realize you’d invited him,” Frankie said. Here was my sister who enjoyed stirring the pot as much as Alex but was much sneakier.

“It just made sense. He and Michael were always super close. They had done some work together. I thought it seemed like the right thing to do.”

“It was,” Frankie answered. “I don’t disagree with that and clearly Charlie doesn’t either. It just seems so odd that you did it in such a secretive manner. His name didn’t appear on a single invite list. I never got an RSVP from him. You mentioned nothing about his attendance. Why?”

“I wasn’t sure how you’d react. You punched him the last time you saw him.”

“For good reason, I was angry. He was an easy target.”

“He didn’t deserve it,” I said. “He also didn’t deserve me being shocked that he was in my house. Next time you think you’re being Lindsay Lohan in Parent Trap think clearly through that and then don’t do it.” Everyone at the table, including Max, laughed. “He felt so uncomfortable at how you handled that. Yes, he and I needed to talk. Today was not the day it needed to happen. We are both hurt by the hand life has dealt us. How we proceed with our friendship is for us to decide, not anyone else.”

“He seems like a nice guy,” Jeremy said. They had gotten a chance to talk for a while and as he left Patrick told me that Jeremy seemed like a great guy and he was glad I’d found happiness. In fact, he sort of quoted Harry Potter as he said it. ‘I’m happy that in the darkest of times you found happiness. You remember to turn on a light.” It was perfect and made me smile. “I mean selfishly I’m glad he’s not in the picture anymore but he seemed nice enough.”

“He is nice,” I agreed. “Things just didn’t work out for us which left the door open for you and I am also pretty happy about that.” Jeremy smiled and because the kids weren’t able to see leaned over and kissed me softly. I looked back towards the table to see Frankie and Ryan both smiling. “Outside of being surprised at his attendance and the sheer number of people in my house it was a nice day. But I am going to say we are NEVER doing this again. A funeral and celebration of life were enough. I’m done. We can all choose to recognize or ignore this day in the future, however, each of us wants to proceed. But no more large gatherings. I’m over having to go through this.”

“Agreed,” Frankie said. “Today was perfect though. It’s just what they both would’ve wanted.”

Once we were done eating we got the leftover pizza put away in the fridge before cleaning up the kids and tucking them all in bed. After two long days and a lot of playing bedtime went easier than expected. The bigger kids all agreed to put on jammies and watch a movie in the theater before Savannah would put them in bed. I knew that Axel would likely be up in the middle of the night because his schedule was so thrown off today but that was okay. Today had gone relatively well and I’m glad he’d been there for the whole thing. We all ended up back in the living room and kitchen with the leftover punch, whiskey, and wine. The sun was starting to set, I knew it was time to go.

“Do you want any of us to go with you?” Frankie asked.

“No, I’m okay. This is something for me to do.”

“Are you sure? We can come with,” Alex said. I knew that depriving them all of this moment was selfish but I wanted to do it alone. In my head, I heard Sam tell me to not be selfish and to share this moment.

“I guess, you can come with. Both of you. We were her sisters, we should all be there.” I grabbed the two boxes with the remaining ashes from their hiding spot and walked out of the house with Alex and Frankie. I wanted to do this alone, I’d planned to do this alone and wasn’t really sure how to proceed with other people there.

“Do we need flashlights?” Alex asked. “It’s starting to get dark.”

“No, there’s enough light I can still see. It’s not too far really.” I lead the way through the trees on a path that had been well worn by Sam and Michael over the years. We came to a clearing that had a perfect view of the lake where a little bench sat.

“How did I not know this was here?” Alex asked.

“You didn’t like wilderness hikes,” I replied. I sat down signaling for them to each sit on one side of me. We watched the last of sunset in silence. “This was their favorite spot at their favorite time of day when they were here. I sneak out here sometimes when I need to be alone and talk to them. I feel them more here than I do anywhere else, it’s why I felt this was the perfect place to spread their ashes.”

“It’s a beautiful spot,” Frankie said.

“It is. That sunset was amazing,” Alex added.

“I had thought I’d get out here and have something thoughtful or inspiring to say. The only thing that comes to mind is that I miss them both so much. I’ve lived 365 days without them and yet it feels like it’s just been the longest day of my life and not a year.”

“Well if you normally talk to them here, talk to them,” Frankie encouraged. Alex nodded.

“Sam, Mikey, god I fuckin’ miss you. This has been the longest and hardest year of my life and I’m so angry that you weren’t here to live it with me. I hope that whatever you thought you saw in me as the person who was supposed to raise your babies was real. I’m not sure that I’m doing it right but I’ve never tried at something so damn hard in my life. We all miss you every day. Ellie becomes more and more like you every day Sam. She’s your spitting image and has your personality, I’m scared for what the rest of my life is going to look like. Michael, Axel is you in the best way. He’s sensitive and intuitive despite being a year old. He has the capability to stop me dead in my tracks and remind me to slow down, something only you had ever been able to do. Life without you is hard but we are doing the best we can. We sing show tunes and hair metal too loud. We watch nerdy movies. We have snuggle time. We tell each other how much we love each other every day. Everything I can do to give them a normal life, a life you would’ve given them I do. They are the best thing that ever happened to me and I love them so much. But fuck I miss you.”

“We all miss you,” Frankie said as she rested her head on my shoulder. “Watching Axel clap along to Happy Birthday without you both there sucked. Seeing how they are growing into themselves and developing personalities without you hurts all of us.”

“It’s been such a hard year,” Alex started before she paused. “Each holiday, special moment without you has been painful. I know that it will get easier to face those and we are lucky to all have each other but we aren’t the same without you.”

“Just so you know, Chucky is doing a great job being Mommy to those babies.” My sister’s voice cracked with tears. “She’s incredible. You made a great decision in leaving them with her. She watches out for them, cares for them, and lets them be whoever they want, just as you would have. Although today she wouldn’t let Ellie be a unicorn which Ellie told every person who came to the house. Seeing Axel and how bonded he is to her, it’s beautiful. I wish you had both been able to get to know him more, he’s an amazing little guy.” At that moment a cool breeze blew past us.

“We let Charlie decide where we were doing this. She said this is the place where she feels your presence most. I understand what she means by that now. There is a sense of calm here that in the life of chaos we all have is very needed. The view is beautiful, it will be a great place to spend eternity together. Wherever you are I hope that you’re together, happy, and watching over all of us,” Alex added. “We miss you.” I stood up from the bench and went to the spot in front of us that I wanted to spread their remains. I opened both of the boxes and looked down at the gray ashes.

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living. And above all, pity those who live without love,” I said. I poured the ashes out as a breeze came up from behind me and assisted me in spreading the ashes out farther. Frankie and Alex stood up as I closed the boxes and we ended up in a group hug. We stood there for a moment, all quietly crying knowing this was goodbye in a way that nothing else had been in the last year. We eventually wiped our tears away and headed back to the house.

“Why did you choose the Harry Potter quote?” Alex asked.

“By nature, we all fear death. But honestly, Michael never feared death, he was the person I knew that was most comfortable talking about it. Losing his parents as young as he did he always told me he related to Harry Potter in a way, only he was still waiting on his Hogwarts letter. One weekend Michael and I binge-watched all of the movies. Sam had gone home to visit her parents so it was just the two of us. We lived on the couch in sweatpants. He told me that was his favorite line in all of the books. That he didn’t fear death because even though he wasn’t sure what he believed in he knew that whatever came next would be wonderful and that even if it wasn’t he would die knowing he was loved. His parents loved him, Sam loved him, we loved him. That was all that mattered to him.”

“That’s beautiful. He was always sort of our Harry Potter wasn’t he?”

“He was, Alex. He was. I mean he never slept beneath a staircase but he got passed around his family and made to feel like he wasn’t worthy. Living through that knowing that his parents loved him even if they weren’t there and even if the places he lived weren’t filled with love. The way he loved Sam was something I aspire to. She was the first person since his parents that loved him unconditionally and so affectionately. That quote has stuck out to me for the last year so it just seemed like the most appropriate thing possible for today.”

“It was, sis.” We got back to the house and found everyone in the living room with drinks, snacks, a fire going and the TV on. I climbed into the oversized chair that Jeremy was occupying and rested my head on his shoulder.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, as hard as that was it was probably the best part of this weekend. It’s another step closer to them being completely at rest and maybe then I can find peace.” We were talking quietly as I didn’t really want to get into the whole conversation with everyone. Jeremy moved the blanket that was on the arm of the chair so it covered both of us. The weather had been so beautiful here all day but as the sun disappeared it got much cooler and I got pretty cold on the walk back. I rested my head on his shoulder and remained quiet until I felt my phone vibrate in my lap.

New Message from Patrick

It was good to see you today. I’m sorry I didn’t think to contact you in advance.

You are fine. I’m glad you were here. You were an important part of Sam and Michael’s lives. You will always be important to me and the kids. It was really good to see you.

It was good to see you too. You look happy, really happy.

I mean most days I’m a miserable old hag who is angry at the world for stealing the things she loved most. But happiness is starting to fill more and more of my days. It feels nice. Thank you for being there today. I have missed you.

I’ve missed you too. Call me when you get to LA. We’ll get together.

I will. Have a safe trip home. Do me a favor and text me to let me know you made it back. Okay?

I will. Keep doing what you’re doing, Char. Whatever it is, you’re doing great.

I smiled as I slid my phone back into my lap under the blanket. I rested my head back on Jeremy’s shoulder and felt his lips press a soft kiss into the top of my head. This day couldn’t have been any crazier. He met my ex-boyfriend and handled Alex trying to rekindle the love I had with Patrick in a manner that I never could’ve handled. I had a short fuse and a temper that no one deserved to deal with, even when they were the focus of my anger. He’d somehow not walked out on today. I turned to face him and kissed his cheek.

“Did you know that you’re amazing?”

“I mean, yeah of course I do. Just wait, you don’t even know how amazing I am yet.” I giggled a little bit knowing he was trying to flirt.

“I can’t wait to find out…when all of my family is not in the same house as us.” He laughed almost a little too loudly drawing some attention to us. People quickly went back to their conversations.

“I really have come to love your family but I am also counting down the minutes until they leave Tahoe. They sort of threw a wrench in the whole getting a second date in a timely manner thing.”

“They really did. They’ve always been good at cramping my style.” We all stayed up later tonight than we had the previous nights and all drank a little more than we had the previous nights. Knowing that tomorrow was just a pool day made us all a little more relaxed. It was finally around 1:00 when Jeremy and I crawled into bed. I was fearing that Axel would be awake in about an hour and knowing that Savannah needed to sleep as much as I did I told her she wasn’t allowed to wake up if he did.

“You did great today, babe,” Jeremy said as he pulled me into him, my head resting on his chest.

“Thank you for your help and support. It was a fucked up day for so many reasons. I feel like I need to apologize for the whole Alex/Patrick thing. I didn’t see that coming at all.”

“It’s probably good that it happened here. It was on your turf. He saw you with the kids. He was able to see that you’re doing well and happy.”

“He got to see us together.”

“I mean that’s nice, but not necessary. I want him to see how capable you are of doing this on your own. I can only imagine how hard that break up was on you both. To know he made the right decision for himself and for you has to feel good for you both.” God, Jeremy was so fucking reasonable. Most men I’d dated would NOT have handled today with the grace he did. Fuck, Patrick would’ve gone ballistic on Alex for inviting an ex to something to try and fuck with our lives. Jeremy handled it in stride.

“It was good for both of us, though admittedly very hard. I appreciate you not being jealous or anything. Patrick would’ve been so you handling today the way you did remind me of the not so great part of our relationship and how this, whatever is happening between us, how much more natural it feels.”

“There’s no need to get jealous. I’m the one that gets to see you in the old USC t-shirt tonight.” He leaned in and kissed me. I felt it like a jolt of electricity shooting through my body. My toes curled and my heart raced. The newness of everything was great but it didn’t matter how many times he’d kissed me like this, each of them felt like the first time, possibly better.

“I am so excited to not be in a house this full.” Jeremy laughed.

“You do know I was just kidding. We can move at whatever speed you feel comfortable. You set our pace. You’re the one going through all of this from a new place in life.”

“I appreciate that. You’re very kind. You’re also very hot and I very much want a house alone. No kids.” I leaned in to kiss him. “No siblings.” I kissed him again. “No parents.” I laughed this time. “Fuck, I feel like a teenager. This is my house and I just want them out so that I can get handsy with the hot guy.”

“Monday. It’ll be here before you know it and we’ll have my house all to ourselves.” There were a few more kisses before we drifted off to sleep. Tonight it wasn’t a nightmare that woke me up or an unsettling feeling, it was the baby monitor from Axel’s room. I turned the volume down a bit and snuck out of bed. I tiptoed through the house down to his nursery.

“Axel Christopher, what are you doing awake?” He giggled as I walked over to the crib where he was standing up holding his blanket. I picked him up and started to dance around the room with him on my hip. “You just didn’t get your normal nap today and you’re just exhausted to the point you can’t sleep aren’t you, buddy?” This was a normal occurrence when I’d come in here at night. I’d talk to Axel knowing that the response I would get would maybe be babbling or giggling. Never actual conversation but I didn’t baby talk him at night. We just talked.

I went over to where the stereo in Axel’s room sat. I’d canceled the cell phone plans that Sam and Michael had but kept their phones. Sam’s was in Ellery’s room to play music on for her and Michael’s was in here. I’d made sure that every one of the playlists they’d made for the kids was still on here. I hit play on the playlist Michael made for Axel when he found out they were having a boy. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers filled the room. I started to sing along to ‘Learning to Fly’ as I danced around the room with Axel. Nights like this I hate that this kid needed to dance to fall asleep. I just wanted to crawl in the rocking chair and hold him. Partway through ‘With or Without You’ by U2 I turned to see Jeremy standing in the doorway.

“What are you doing up?” I asked quietly as Axel had finally drifted off to sleep in my arms.

“I woke up to you gone and your voice singing INXS through the baby monitor.” He was whispering at the same level I was.

“Yeah, Axel woke up. He’s finally back asleep though.” I went over to the crib and laid him down. I had managed to not wake him up. I felt arms wrap around me and Jeremy’s chin rest on my shoulder. We stood there for a moment in silence both staring down at Axel. “How is it that someone so small can hold so much of my world in their little body?”

“It’s the miraculous part of parenthood. Eventually, he’ll grow up to be the girls’ age and you’ll miss these moments. They want to snuggle less. They disobey more. They aren’t calmed just by the sound of some ‘80s rock songs. Enjoy this while you can.”

“I definitely am. Ellie snuggles more than I know the average kid her age does but she’s had some major trauma in her life.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. Axel makes me miss the little phase.”

“Axel is an enigma. I want him to grow up because diapers suck, middle of the night shit like this sucks. But he’s this tiny little person that has relied on me for everything for so long and someday he’s not gonna need me and I hate that idea. It has to be so much harder when they are biologically yours.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Jeremy says. “You’ve protected him through more than most parents, biological or otherwise, have to in the first year. Most of us just hope they eat, sleep and grow. You had to make sure he ate, slept, grew, and survived losing his parents before he was even a month old. You’re one of a kind, Charlie.” I leaned my head towards his so mine rested on his. “You ready to leave him?”

“Yeah,” I replied. We’d been standing here in the quiet watching him sleep for at least 10 minutes. I was exhausted, I knew Jeremy was exhausted and that Axel wouldn’t likely wake up until morning. It was safe to leave him. We quietly made our way out of Axel’s room and back up to my bedroom. Jeremy climbed in bed and I followed, burying myself in his arms. I took a few deep breathes in and out. A year ago I had crawled into bed at my Dad’s, unable to sleep and proceeded to not sleep for several days. Tonight, it was much easier to fall back to sleep. I was safe, I was happy, and I knew that the world wasn’t going to come crashing down any minute. Today, we all took a big step towards finally finding the peace we all needed. That peaceful feeling started to wash over me, calming me with each deep, cleansing breath. I would never feel completely whole again but I was moving forward and that was all I could ask for.

**********

Okay.

That chapter was a lot.

I know.

It was far from easy to write. It was another one where I found myself crying while I wrote it. But I wanted the emotions to be fully expressed. I wanted to allow Charlie to feel the day, the good and the bad of it. Oh and how there were both.

Okay, first things first. The big surprise of this chapter. The appearance of Patrick was not something Charlie was expecting, clearly. For those curious, Patrick is Tom Hiddleston. I mean he’s hot, he’s got a great accent and I never imagined Patrick being American. I feel like their reconciliation with each other was something that Charlie needed to be able to fully move on. He was an important person to her, despite the faults they both had in their relationship she loved him and intended to spend forever with him. Losing her two best friends and the love of her life in one swoop was a lot for her to take on. Reconnecting with Patrick and building that friendship back up will be a big part to her fully healing and being able to have a healthy relationship in the future.

The first scene in this chapter was something I could picture in my head and made me smile. All of these women in the bathroom with these little girls getting them ready for a party that was meant to be fun while still being a very solemn and sad experience. Charlie allowing herself to forget about impressing people and just embrace herself for who she was at that moment. To remember that ‘where words fail, music speaks.’ That’s a quote that has stuck with me throughout my adult life. I am clearly good with words but sometimes, when I struggle to find them, I can find a song that perfectly encapsulates the moment or feeling I’m trying to express. Music is beautiful in that way and it’s something that Charlie clearly believes in.

Alex continued to sir the pot throughout this chapter. I partially believe that she is incapable of allowing people to just live their lives, that she constantly believes that she needs to guide people to the path she knows is right, even when it’s not. It was big of Charlie to allow her to go into the woods with her at the end of the day. To see the way she still communicates with Sam and Michael. I can tell you if I were in Charlie’s shoes I wouldn’t have been that kind. I have friends (and family) that believe they know what I need better than I do. Hell, today I had a family member (my step-mom’s step-mom) tell me I needed to keep cooking so I could find a man to cook for. When I replied that I didn’t need a man she acted like she knew better. While my step-mom is 100% my mother and I openly speak about the wonderful relationship I have with her, the relationship she has with her step-mom is not like ours, which makes the statement even more ridiculous because the woman who said it isn’t really a part of my life and has no idea what she’s talking about. I had a traumatic 2019, partially because of the last relationship I was in. I prefer life alone. Do I miss the companionship of a man occasionally? Sure. Do I miss sex? Yes. Do I “need” anyone in my life? Absolutely not. I’m fiercely independent and have no desire to get married or have babies. I’m Charlie where she was before Sam died. I quote Gloria Steinem, I rant about how societal pressures on women to procreate and care for men are ridiculous. I am not the girl who is ever going to be the domestic housewife for a man. There are a lot of Alexes in my life. Today I was reminded of that so I felt I needed to channel some of my feelings into Charlie. Her opinion on her life or Patrick’s never changed, her situation did. If I was put in her shoes, I don’t know that I’d have been brave enough to say yes.

Jeremy and Charlie’s relationship development makes me so happy. They still aren’t at a point where holding hands and kissing in front of the kids is a thing they are doing. They are still keeping things secret from some people. But that ‘special smile’ has shown up for him. She’s happy and enjoying it. She’s allowing herself to be happy, knowing that just because Sam’s life ended it doesn’t mean hers has to either. I am so proud of how she stood up for Patrick and his feelings to Alex. That she wouldn’t dream of bullying him into reconciling with her and rekindling their relationship because it is altering the life he dreamed of for himself. But more important than that, she’s found someone who wants the same things in life that she does, which makes the idea of a relationship with Jeremy that much more appealing.

Chapter 14 I promise will be fun! No tears. No emotional Harry Potter moments. 14 will be much MUCH happier. For everyone. And we are getting close to Charlie’s recovery day with Jeremy which could end up a lot sexier than her sleeping the entire day. We need to stay tuned and see how things go!

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and can’t wait to hear from you. If you have questions, comments, concerns, or any criticism (be gentle - writing about the grief process is still very hard for me as the death of my grandfather is still completely fresh and the wounds are still very much open) I’m happy to accept it. I’d love to hear your favorite part or what you’re looking forward to. Thank you for allowing me to take the time I needed to get through this chapter. I hope that the time between 13 and 14 is much shorter.

Thanks so much!

XO. Annie

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wolfpawn · 5 years ago

Text

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 56

Chapter Summary - Sarah asks Danielle's opinion on something, sometimes being brutally honest has a risk of going against people, other times, it can be fun. Tom talks to his niece about her ideas of himself and Danielle as well as more talking between the loving pair themselves and plans for the future as the family sit down to a lovely Christmas dinner, but Christmas can have it's ups and downs in the best of households, including then Hiddleston's.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @lys-syl @youcantcatchafallingstar

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

"Elle, I need your opinion on something," Sarah called over.

"Will you ever just be honest, I know that tone you are using. What you are really saying is 'Elle, I want to say something incredibly bitchy, but haven't the balls to do it myself, so I am hoping you will do it for me'." Danielle laughed as she came over. "Right, what is it?"

"Listen to this." Sarah handed her headphones, while she, Emma and Jack waited, seemingly with bated breath. After Danielle put them on, Sarah pressed play and no one said anything.

"I like the backing music and singers, but your man is no great shakes," Danielle stated as she listened to the song. "God, it's shit."

"It's the title song for the new Fifty Shades movie," Sarah informed her.

"Well, at least they're honest, starting with a shit song for a shit movie, I..." She froze for a moment before taking off the headphones, wincing. "Who is that attempting to sing?"

"Zayn," Jack informed her.

"Huh?"

"Guy from One Direction," Emma explained further.

"One of them was Irish, wasn't he?" Danielle tried to recall. "Well, like, he's still Irish, obviously, never mind. Someone send this guy some help, they seem to have crushed his balls. Is that part of the movie?"

"Put on the headphones again." Sarah laughed.

Warily, Danielle did as she was told. "Right, so some generic chick now."

"Opinion?"

"I am not sure she's actually good or is it after crushed balls she sounds good, no wait, she's shit too." she looked around at the grinning faces as she took off the headphones. "It's Taylor, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sarah admitted.

"I knew it, it's genius, have some fella get a crushed bollix so for once, she actually sounds mediocre as opposed to all-out shite. You've to give it to her, she knows how to work it."

"You are evil," Jack shook his head.

"Are you saying you actually like her music? I mean, whatever you're into but, you know, you may need to get a doc to check your oestrogen levels if whiny 'I can't get anyone to put up with me' songs is your thing." Danielle stuck tongue out through her teeth as she smiled at him, knowing she was irking him.

"You are such a bitch." Sarah laughed.

"This is known," Danielle shrugged. "Where's Tom?"

"He, Yakov and the Duchess are out bringing Mac for a small walk," Emma stated. "Speaking of which, why is she 'the Duchess' now?"

"Because she acts like one, she stole Tom's room." Sarah rolled her eyes. "It actually suits her."

"I shall take credit, as per usual." Danielle beamed. "Your mam is in mine, isn't she?"

"Yeah, getting up the pudding and stuffing," Sarah stated. "I better call Yakov and tell them that dinner is nearly ready."

"I better go get the rest of Tom's present." Danielle walked out of the room and to her home.

"Are you two alright again?" Sarah asked her younger sister as she unlocked her phone to call her husband.

"I think so."

"What did she get you?"

"That jacket I couldn't find anywhere that sold out on fashion week." Emma swallowed, readying herself for what she knew was coming.

"And what did you get her?" Emma did not respond, instead, she looked guiltily at the floor. "Are you serious, you got her nothing? What did you get Tom?"

"A new suitcase."

"Wait, you got our brother, the same brother who declined a huge film because they weren't going to give him time to go to your wedding a fucking suitcase and your supposed best friend you got nothing for?" Sarah growled angrily. "What the fuck, Em?" Emma said nothing and meekly left the room. Sarah stated at Jack for a moment. "You knew about this?"

"No, I just asked if she got everything she needed for Christmas and she said yes." He sighed. "I didn't realise she had done this."

"This has to stop, seriously, I know Danielle is not the sort to care about presents, but that is a slap in the face to anyone." Sarah declared.

"Look, they are clearly sorting things out, so I am not going to say anything," her brother-in-law stated. "This got blown out of proportion, yes, but I am there for Emma, no matter what."

"We all are, but we cannot condone her being like this either. Danielle is the only decent woman Tom has looked at as a long-term partner since he first stepped out on a Hollywood red carpet, and I am not letting some spoiled brat ruin that for him, or for this family."

"Tom nearly caused a lot of issues last summer." Jack reminded her.

"Tom was in a desperate place last summer, we all thought he was losing his mind, especially when he brought home the fucking Prom Princess and threw my daughter in front of camera's like a show dog, but he has copped on, all because of Elle, and she cares for him, not his money, not his name, him and that is what matters here. She was there for my daughter, she defended my daughter, listened to her woes when she would not open up to me, and as a mother, I will never forget that. And if you and Emma have kids, there front and centre to protect them from any of this bullshit, will be Elle. Tell me I am wrong."

Jack barely took a moment to respond. "Even if we tell her not to, she will be."

"She cares for this family, she sees it as her own, she was always part of it and now, with Tom, even more so. When this all hits the newsstands, she will need us, and we have to be there for her."

"They are going to try to tear her apart." Jack shook his head.

"She's too normal for them." The pair turned to see Emma in the doorway of the room again. "She's not Hollywood pretty, Hollywood skinny, Hollywood rich, she's too normal, they will want to cause her to break."

"Is that what you want?" Sarah asked her younger sister.

Emma shook her head, tears in her eyes. "Never."

"Then cop on and make sure you make her see you are her friend because you are acting like you are going to be leading the charge against her. If anyone ever found out, they would run that story before we even sat to dinner." Sarah ordered. "That she used you to get to Tom and tore the Hiddleston family apart, that is what it would say, and your behaviour would act as the confirmation. It could not be further from the truth, but trust me, I have seen the cesspit that is the journalistic world and to get ahead, they will try and make destruction, and the summer and subsequent bullshit with Taylor just confirmed that lower than some normal journalists are the paparazzi ones; we make sure that doesn't happen, agreed?" Her sister and brother-in-law nodded their agreement.

"Uncle Tommy?"

"Yes, darling?" He looked around, watching as his niece held onto the fur on Mac's neck, the dog slowing his pace to keep in step with her.

"Are there going to be cameras around again?"

"I really hope not."

"Oh." There was more than a hint of disappointment in her tone.

Her father and uncle looked at her. "Why, do you want there to be?" Tom asked.

"Well, before, with Tyler."

"Taylor." her father corrected.

"Yeah, her, they were here and all wanting to take photo's of you and her, but not with Ellie."

"Well, Elle doesn't like camera's."

"No, Aunty Emma gives out that she never likes them, she has to force Elle to take photo's with her."

"Why would you want to have Elle in front of a camera?" Tom asked.

"Because I like her and you do and you are always smiling now, and that is what you should take photo's of; except yesterday, what happened to her yesterday?"

"She fell off her bike and hurt her hand."

"Was she wearing her helmet?"

"She was, and that is why her head is okay," Tom stated. "See why your mum and dad get you to wear yours?" The child nodded enthusiastically at him.

"Ellie would be mad if I didn't."

"Elle would lose her life if she thought you were going to get hurt." Tom agreed.

"Are you and Ellie getting married like Emma and Jack?"

Yakov simply laughed. "That is officially everyone making comments about that topic in the past two days, I think you are under some pressure, Tom."

"I am not even thinking of anything like that at present. Poor Elle would run like a racehorse in the opposite direction." Tom shook his head. "Not yet sweetheart, perhaps in the future, I am not able to say now."

"I'd be the flower girl again like with Aunty Emma's though, won't I?"

"It's good to see her staking her claim in early." Yakov laughed.

Tom brought Mac back to Danielle's as his brother-in-law and niece went into his mothers, walking into her kitchen, he was somewhat startled to find Elle there. "Hey."

"Hi." She was facing the window, looking out on the garden.

"What are you doing over here by yourself, has Emma said something?"

"She said a sincere sorry and explained herself," Danielle informed him. "But no, that's not why I'm here."

"Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, I just came to get something and got sidetracked by birds."

"Birds?"

"Yeah, look." She indicated to the garden, where sure enough, due to the few bird feeders Danielle had placed out there, there were several birds foraging for food. "I forgot how nice it is to have some around."

"Well, how about we get a few feeders for London and put them in the back garden?" Tom suggested, kissing her neck.

"I actually would really love that, you don't mind?"

"Elle, it's a few bird feeders, not a six-story extension." Tom chuckled.

"You forget how many pretty colours they are."

Tom looked at her for a moment. "How strong of a painkiller are you on?" She nudged his ribs with an elbow.

"Stop it, I just miss seeing little animals, they are just so nice and calming to look at."

"Do we have these sorts of birds in London?" Tom had never really paid proper attention to such a thing before.

"Yes, of course." Danielle laughed. "It's not exactly a million miles away, though, I'd say they are tougher, like the Underground mice."

"Underground mice?" Tom looked at her with concern. "Are you sure you are not after taking too many tablets at once?"

"No, I have not. Wait, you never noticed the mice?"

"Mice, on the Underground? No, I cannot say I have, what do they do, take the Northern line to Camden to the street markets, hop on the Central to get to St Paul's?"

Danielle giggled. "No, they scuttle around on the platforms, usually black with dirt from the trains and look for tidbits of food. How have you not noticed them?"

"How have you?" He retorted.

Danielle merely shrugged. "I just love watching them all."

"Did you ever want to be a vet?"

"Yeah, sort of; I wanted to take dad's practise for a bit when I was in school, but I never excelled in Chemistry and that is a requirement for Veterinary in Ireland." She explained. "I know my weaknesses, so I just decided to enjoy animals instead."

"They really are therapeutic to watch actually," Tom noted as he too became somewhat transfixed on the birds too.

"The Great Tit over there is a bollix, watch how he is bullying them all." She pointed out.

"I'm sorry, the what? That's actually a real thing?"

Danielle rolled her eyes. "Yes, there is actually a bird called a Great Tit."

"I thought that was just a joke. How do you know it's male?"

"Boys are bright coloured to attract females, didn't you speak at a thing to commemorate Richard Attenborough, haven't you watched any of his brother's documentaries?"

"Only a few."

"Shame, shame." she joked. Tom just chuckled back. "I got you something, by the way. The other part of your present."

"It's not new shoes?" Tom asked warily, "I was given a new jacket from Sarah with the comment, 'For a change'."

Danielle laughed, "Well..." She handed him a small bag, somewhat perturbed, Tom took one look at the content. On seeing what it was he gave her a scowl, to which she grinned proudly back.

"Really?"He asked holding it up.

"Could be worse, could be an 'I Heart DH' tank top, or what else do they call them, 'wife-beaters', but I thought to myself that you lost enough dignity with that crap earlier in the year." She laughed. Tom looked at the t-shirt in his hands and nodded, knowing there was actually some truth in that statement. "It's actually sort of funny." He grinned, looking at the t-shirt which had a picture of a pencil saying 2B, then an 'R' a picture of a knot and another pencil saying 2B.

"Glad you like it." She smiled, kissing his cheek and walking off. Tom frowned for a moment, looking at the t-shirt as he did. A few moments later Danielle came back into the room and began to laugh. "You poor thing, you honestly thought that was the second half of your present." she got out between fits of giggles. "You are so cute." Tom gave a bemused grunt in return. "Here." she smiled, handing him a small bag.

"So this isn't the present?"

"No, you twit. I just did that to get a funny reaction from you." She laughed. "Open your real one."

Tom opened the bag, took out the little box inside and frowned. "I..."

Danielle grinned. "I took time off from paperwork a few days ago to get a fresh coffee and you were on the phone ranting to someone about how hard can it be to find one decent pair of cufflinks to match your burgundy suit, that you searched everywhere." She smiled. "So, due to no designer having one to match, because of the shirt, you were going to have to try and scrap the idea to wear it, but you were effectively dying to wear, so I thought if I got something that would match it, you would be happy, since you like it."

"I....I was not ranting."

"You were being your version of it, you don't rant like others do." She grinned. "I know it's not as nice as anything you got me, but I wanted to get you something that actually had a use, they are personalised" She smiled, showing the engravings of 'TWH' on them. "And there is one last thing." she reached into the bag and took out a little envelope in the bottom of it, handing it to him.

"Is this another spa weekend?"

"Nope."

He took it and opened it, as his eyes skimmed the lines and he processed the words, his brow raised, "Really?"

"Yep."

"That's absolutely wonderful, exactly what I wanted." Tom beamed, folding over the piece of paper again. "And thank you for the wonder cufflinks, I am so delighted with them. You are too good."

"I know, I know." She laughed in false modesty.

"So, when do I get to see the item that this receipt is for?" He asked cheekily.

"Well, it was going to be tonight, but considering," She looked at her wrist. "It's sort of hard to pull off sexy underwear when you are wearing this."

"Well, I mean, your left hand is still functional..." He grinned.

"Tom!" She laughed. "Incorrigible."

"Oh, darling, that is nothing new." He gripped her ass as he leant down to kiss her again. "I am dying to eat you up."

"Okay, throw some cold water on this, right now," Sarah ordered as she walked into the room. "Dinner is ready, so come on Elle."

"What about me?" Tom asked indignantly.

"You need to make sure you can walk into a room with our mother and my daughter present before you consider coming back over." She made minor hand gestures to him without looking at specific areas. "And the best way to do that is to remove the eye-candy."

"I have too many strong women in my life, I'll never catch a break." Tom shook his head, embarrassed by his sister's comments.

"Nope." Both women responded simultaneously before they looked at one another and laughed, then left the room. Tom followed after grumbling to himself.

"I am stuffed." Jack declared as they finally finished the pudding. "Where are Elle and Tom?"

"Commandeered by the Duchess to watch a DVD I think," Yakov answered. "Elle got her Zootopia for Christmas, so she is demanding that Elle stay with her and watch it, and Tom seemed interested in joining them."

"I haven't seen that it's up for a load of awards so it has to be good." Emma grabbed the last of her wine and rushed to the sitting room before she missed anything. "Ooh, it's just starting."

Diana looked at the washing up for a moment. "I'll help you with that later mum, come on." Sarah smiled, knowing what her mother was thinking. With a nod, the two women grabbed their own drinks and followed.

"I think we are watching Zootopia." Yakov chuckled, grabbing his drink.

"It would appear so." Jack agreed.

The sitting room was considerably packed with seven adults and a child, but on seeing they were being joined by the rest of the family, Tom got up from where he was sitting and went to Danielle, taking her out of the armchair she was sitting in before sitting down himself and pulling her down on top of him. The pair getting comfortable again immediately. Diana was the only adult to get any bit of comfort as the others found different ways to fit in the room, Sarah instructed her daughter to get her beanbag from her room to relax on the floor with. In five minutes, everyone was watching the movie and relaxing.

"She's unconscious." Yakov pointed to his daughter at the end of the movie.

"Since half an hour in," Tom informed him.

"So why did we still watch this?"

"Because it's good." His wife stated. "Get her up to bed."

"It's only half eight."

"She had the house up at six, I think it is safe to say she is tired." Emma reminded her brother-in-law.

"Tom." Yakov requested. Danielle got to her feet to let Tom off the chair. Between the pair, they gently were able to manoeuvre her into her father's arms and upstairs to bed.

"What about her pj's?" Tom asked as Yakov put her into Tom's old bed since Tom had said she could take the room while he stayed in Elle's.

"She'll wake then, we'll just take off her shoes and she will be comfortable, that's all we have to worry about." He stated, doing as he said and placing the covers on his daughter. "Do you honestly not mind taking her for the conference?" He inquired when they had left the room.

"Danielle was going to mind her here, but in London, there is so much for her to do. She will have a great time, and regarding suggesting it, I wouldn't do so if I did not want to see her. I barely get any time with anyone these days, I have to take what I can get."

"You will be a good father, someday."

"Just someday?" Tom asked, slightly hurt at Yakov's words.

"You spoil her too much, wait and see, my daughter will be sugar filled and spoiled the entire time at your house."

"Elle won't allow that."

"Look me in the eye and tell me you will not sneak her some sweets when Danielle is not looking because I know you enough to know you will. Sarah told me of that time in your cousins where you stole the entire cake."

"Sarah saw nothing, snitch." He growled, not liking that his sister was still reminding him of his childish messing.

"Who's a snitch?" Danielle asked as the two men reentered the sitting room, the three other women gone.

"Sarah."

"Older siblings, I hear that's a trait of them alright." She smiled, getting out of the chair.

"Where are mum and the girls?" Tom asked.

"Kitchen, doing dishes."

"And you're in here?"

"I was booted out because I kept trying to help. I have a fracture, not an amputation," She declared indignantly.

Tom chuckled and kissed the side of her head. "I'll give out to them for you, shall I?"

"You, give out to your mam? I need to watch this." she walked passed him into the kitchen.

"Out you get, you are not to be trusted," Sarah ordered.

"See what I mean," She turned to Tom. "I'm not wanted."

"You keep trying to use your hand," Sarah stated in defence.

"Well, if she is not wanted, we are going to bow out," Tom stated his arm around Danielle's waist. She looked at him offended. "She is still not caught up on sleep and is recovering from injury, so I am taking her home." He pulled her to the door.

"You are trying to get out of your portion of the cleaning up." Emma pointed out.

"Yep, and this is the perfect excuse," Tom grinned.

"You are on duty tomorrow so," Diana ordered before something caught her eye. "Elle..."

Danielle figured out what caught her eye. "Tom found it and got it for me for Christmas." She beamed, pulling the necklace out properly to show her. "Just like mam's."

"It's perfect." Diana smiled, noting the happiness in both her son and his girlfriend's features. "What else did he get you?"

"A book I have been searching high and low for, bath bombs, and a gorgeous scarf."

"What did you think of Elle's presents?"Sarah smiled.

"You are not stealing my spa weekend." Tom declared, having been warned by Danielle of what Sarah had said.

"Well use it so," Sarah warned. "Did you give him the t-shirt?"

Elle began to laugh, "He honestly thought that was a proper present. It was so funny, he looked so dejected."

"Poor Tom." Sarah laughed. "And the cufflinks?"

"Perfect," He grinned.

"Who would have guessed I had such good taste?" Danielle grinned.

"Anyone that has seen that hidden section of your wardrobe knows you have taste, you actually just need to wear something other than jeans and hoodies for fifteen minutes to see it." Emma joked, flicking sud bubbles at her.

"You make that sound so dodgy, I don't have a hidden section in my wardrobe, it is just towards the back."

"Narnia is closer than those clothes, I said it a thousand times, you need to wear them more, they are really nice on you."

"I don't like dresses, you know that." Danielle dismissed. "Anyway, I am going to bed, I am seriously tired," She walked over to Diana and hugged her tightly. "Thank you for dinner, and letting me invade your home for another Christmas."

Diana swatted her arm gently. "Stop it, you know I could never leave you over there by yourself at the best of times, this year even less so. I think Tom would have boycotted dinner if I did, not that I ever could." She cupped the younger woman's face in her hands. "You mean so much to us, darling; all of us."

"Thank you." Danielle smiled and when she turned to Tom again her brow furrowed. He and Sarah seemed to be silently discussing something with facial expressions.

"Is there something you two wish to share with the rest of the room?" Diana asked in a motherly scolding manner.

"Sarah knew about something I had planned to ask Danielle over Christmas and was wondering if I chickened out," Tom explained. "Elle never mentioned it, so Sarah thought it had been either shot down or not asked, the answer is neither." Danielle looked at him curiously. "The key."

"Oh, right."

"Key?"

"I asked Danielle to stay with me in London rather than a hotel while she is working there for the next few months," Tom explained.

"So, wait, now you're moving in together? After what, three months?" Emma asked in disbelief. "You're kidding, right?"

"Emma!" Sarah snapped.

"Tom doesn't live with people, he gets pissy after a week sharing this house, his home with others, much less someone from outside it."

"Well, we lasted nearly three before this and no issue," Tom interjected, Emma stared at him, confused. "Elle has been in my house in London for the past what, two and a half weeks, and we are staying together here too, and there has been no issue, we are actually very comfortable around one another, so I asked her to bring Mac and stay with me in London." He took a step forward, his anger rising. "If you actually meant any of your apology, then you would be happy about this, Elle will be a forty minute Tube journey away from you, meaning you could actually meet up more."

Emma swallowed hard. "Em," She turned to face her friend. "I know you're still not comfortable about all of this, but..."

"It's not my business." Emma declared. "I, um...I need to go to the bathroom, excuse me," she walked out of the room without a backwards glance, causing everyone to say nothing for a moment.

"I think it a good idea." Diana smiled, as though nothing had occurred. "Sensible, and who knows, if there is one woman in the world that can train Tom in the art of a washing machine, it's you," Diana stated to Elle.

"Wait, you still can't use your washing machine, how have you been washing your clothes?" She asked him.

"Dry cleaners," Tom stated as though very obvious.

"Well, that's about to change." Danielle declared, much to Tom's concern. "Come on, before I get annoyed enough at that little tidbit of information to do a lesson here and now about it. Good night."

"We'll see you both tomorrow, good night." Diana smiled, watching as they went through the two gardens to Danielle's.

Tom left the door open long enough for Mac to come back in after going to the bathroom before closing and locking the door and following Danielle upstairs. On reaching her bedroom, he noticed her sitting on the bed and staring at something in her hands. "Do you regret it?" He suspected what it was she was looking at.

Danielle placed the key on her nightstand and took off her clothes and got into bed, Tom following suit. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"This necklace, did you only get it because it was like my mothers?"

"I don't follow."

"When the store clerk told you it was a Celtic love knot, you researched it, didn't you?" Tom nodded. "It that make you feel odd or anything, getting me something with such a meaning?"

"It was odd, sure."

"Not exactly a word I wanted to hear you say."

Elle, I want this to work, and it is not going to if I am always overbearing."

"Tom..."

"When he explained it to me, he told me what it meant, and I thought to myself that yes, I now want to get this for you for two reasons, happy?" He asked, slightly flustered at having admitted that. "I knew your parents were married a long time, and I hoped getting you that would perhaps be a good omen for us and this relationship." Danielle looked at him, her face emotionless. "Is that the sort of answer you were looking for?" He waited, somewhat fearfully, for her answer.

Danielle remained silent for another moment before leaning over and kissing him chastely. "I love you, Tom." She declared quietly before kissing him again more passionately. Tom, for his part, kissed her back, before pulling her against him.

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 56 #tom hiddleston fic #tom hiddleston

15 notes · View notes

foxyotomelady · 5 years ago

Text

Another love, Chapter II (JuminxReader)

Author’s notes:

I don't really have anything to say, lol.

Just be aware of: strong language, slightly angst, my poor grammar, many emoticons, I love creating these chat rooms, lol.

Buy Me A Ko-Fi Have a nice reading!

Jumin woke up earlier than usual to take care of a few things regarding Y/N’s residence in his apartment. For some reason, which he did not fully understand yet, he really hoped she would stay for longer. When she hugged him last night... It was a strange and new feeling. It was nice, but also... horrifying. He did not want her to stop. He wanted her to stay with him in the room, he wanted her to sleep in his bed, in his embrace... His thoughts began to escape into very dangerous areas. He had to control himself not to become the beast of which Zen spoke.

When he was ready to go to work, he could not help but look into the bedroom. Y/N was still asleep. His heart twitched at the sight of her slender body sprawled loosely on his bed. His shirt in which she was dressed curled up around her waist, her thighs were completely exposed. His heart started pounding as he moved his gaze over her shapely legs. He felt that he shouldn't be doing this. It was very inappropriate. But he could not stop.

The meowing Elizabeth the 3rd snatched him from his thoughts. She came to him and brushed against his legs, "Shhh ... You wake her up," He whispered to the cat and scratched her behind the ear. Then he left a note - that he had prepared earlier - on the bedside table. He really did not want to go to work…

Your POV

When you woke up, you were in shock for a moment. Slowly, however, you remembered what happened yesterday and why you are in Jumin's apartment and in his shirt... When you regained your mind's cleanliness, you noticed the note on the bedside table. You took it in your hand, curious what may it say. I'm sorry, but I had to leave you, though I do not feel like going to work today. I informed the chef to prepare anything you wish. I'm leaving you his number, so do not hesitate to call him as soon as you get hungry. I also informed the bodyguard that you are in my apartment and that he is to make sure that nobody worries you. I've ordered clothes for you, I hope I've guessed your size well. Please stay until evening and wait for me. Then we'll talk about what you want to do next. Jumin. You read it all in great shock. His generosity overwhelmed you. He treated you like some kind of princess... But you could not stay here. You did not want to abuse his courtesy, and besides, you had to decide what to do next with all this situation. Elizabeth jumped onto the bed and meowed.

"What should I do?" You asked her. Jumin really did a lot for you, maybe it would not be polite to ignore his request and just leave without saying goodbye.

Suddenly you heard a knock on the door. You quickly got out of bed, fixed your shirt and ran to the door. You opened it with hesitation. The bodyguard who stood there looked at you with wide eyes, but immediately assumed an indifferent expression on his face.

"Ms. Y/N, a package for you."

"Thank you ..." You mumbled, embarrassed when it reached you, what this man must have thought of seeing you in Jumin's shirt and in your messy hair.

You closed the door and carried the package to the bedroom to put it on the bed. It was quite big but not too heavy. You opened it and again your jaw dropped a little in surprise. You started to pull clothes out of it, one after another... Elegant shorts, blouses, skirts... Everything looked very expensive. And this dress... Was it silk?! There were also two pairs of very nice shoes in the package... Were they decorated with diamonds?! You got hot when you discovered that there is also a set of underwear at the bottom of the package. It was modest underwear, but still…

You sat down on the bed and tried to collect your thoughts. Why Jumin was so... Maybe he wanted you to feel better after what happened to you, and the only thing that came to his mind is to solve this problem with money. You got a little sad, this man did not know how to deal with comforting friends... You could not just reject his efforts, but... it was too much. You opened the chat room, but no one was logged in. You did not want to disturb Jumin at work, you've used enough of his time already.

[Y/N has entered the chat room]

You: Jumin, when you’ll read this message: thank you very much for your generosity, but it's too much. These clothes look very expensive. I can't accept them. My own clothes have already dried up. Please, send back all these beautiful things.

[707 has entered the chat room]

707:

707: oh my!

707: Juju!

707: You get to the point quickly!

707:

707: She has not even broken up with her boyfriend yet

You: Seven, stop fooling around

You: besides of course it's the end between me and Yuwoon

You: I do not want to know him

707:

707: but it is not fair!

707: Jumin got to you first and did not give us any chances

You: -_-

You: What do you not understand, Seven?

[Zen has entered the chat room]

Zen:

Zen: He bought you clothes?

Zen: And what does it mean that your clothes have already dried up?

You: Sigh... I was running in the rain yesterday, Zen. Of course my clothes were soaked. I had to dry them.

Zen: Oh, I understand ^^

Zen: WAIT

Zen: Does it mean you had to take off those clothes?!

707: oh, my my

707:

You: yes, I had to -_- ' isn't it obvious?

Zen: so what did you wear to sleep?!

You: Jumin gave me his shirt.

Zen: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

707: This is getting more and more interesting lolololol

[Jumin Han has entered the chat room]

Jumin Han: good morning, Y/N

Jumin Han: How was your sleep?

Jumin Han:

Zen:

Zen: Are you going to ignore everything we just said?

Jumin Han: Yes.

Zen:

You: I slept very well, but Jumin, these clothes... I can't take them.

Jumin Han: Of course you can.

Jumin Han: Have you tried them on yet? They fit?

Zen: dude ;;; how do you know her size?

Jumin Han: I don't. That's why I'm asking.

You: Jumin... This is really too much...

Jumin Han: I must admit you looked cute in my shirt

Zen: the hell

Jumin Han: But you can't wear it all the time.

You: ahaha thank you Jumin ^^

Zen: THE HELL

Zen: do not thank him, Y/N!

Zen: He's acting weird!

You: no, he's not

Jumin Han: I'm just trying to be nice to the lady :3

Zen:

You: Maybe I should try them on...

707: send us a picture! >.-

Zen: you two are perverted!

Jumin Han: What do you mean perverted?

Jumin Han: What kind of weird thoughts are you having in your mind right now?

707: lolololol

707: it's you who are perverted Zenny!

Zen:

Zen: That's not true!

You: ahaha, I'm starting to feel better

You: thank you for making me laugh, lol

You: but Jumin, how can I repay for your generosity?

Jumin Han: I already told you: you don't have to

Jumin Han: but I would like to ask you for something

Jumin Han: Can you feed Elizabeth the 3rd? I forgot about that.

707:

Zen:

You: Of course I can ^^

707:

707: my poor Elly ~

Jumin Han: It's Elizabeth the 3rd.

707: How could you forget to feed her?!

707: Juju, you monster!

Zen: You forget to feed your damn cat?

Zen: It's unlike you...

Jumin Han: she will be fine, I entrust her to Y/N.

Zen: WHAT IS HAPPENING

Zen: moreover, why are you even still there, Y/N?!

You: I didn't decide what I want to do next yet. I think I'll stay here till the evening at least.

Jumin Han: oh, so you're fulfilling my request.

Jumin Han: I’m glad.

Jumin Han:

Zen: REQUEST?

707: oh oh oh, how bossy, Mr. Director

707: I got chills >.<

Jumin Han: Excuse me, I must leave

Jumin Han: I'm in the middle of the meeting.

Jumin Ham: Make yourself at home, Y/N.

[Jumin Han has left the chat room]

Zen:

Zen: are you sure about all of this, Y/N?

Zen: He's acting really weird... ;;;

You: I think it's rather you two who are acting weird -_-

707: it’s because

707: we’re jelly T-T

Zen: There is nothing to be jealous about!

You: You two are taking this whole situation the wrong way

You: Jumin’s just trying to be nice

You: btw, when are you planning to apologize to him, Zen?

Zen: Ugh

Zen: He didn't look like he still care what I said yesterday

You: But it doesn’t change the fact that you behaved like you know who?

You: Like a jerk!

707: lolololol nagging~

You: He deserves to be nagged

Zen: I'm so sorry ;;;

You: TELL

You: THAT

You: TO JUMIN -_-

707: Defender of Justice must log off now!

707: I can't let my brother Saeran be lonely!

707: Kiss Elly for me, Y/N ( ˘ ³˘)♥

[707 has left the chat room]

Zen: I must go too

Zen: If this creepy man will try to do anything

Zen: CALL ME!

[Zen has left the chat room]

Jumin’s Pov

He came back from work, enjoying the strange feeling that someone would be waiting for him at home. And it will not be a cat. How long did he lie to himself that the presence of a cat would be enough for him?

When he came to his apartment, Y/N was there to meet him. She looked captivating in the red dress he had bought for her. She also put on her new shoes, flat heels, her feet must still hurt.

"Hello, Jumin. How was your day?"

He stared at her and barely took his words out of his throat, "It fits."

She looked at herself, embarrassed, "Yes, you have a good eye. Thank you again."

"No problem. You look wonderful."

"Who wouldn't in that dress?" She laughed.

"That's not true. I chose it, because I was sure it'd be perfect just for you," Why are you saying this? But it's true, He was arguing with himself in his mind and she was looking at him with wide eyes. His comment certainly surprised her. Jumin cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, I got carried away. Have you eaten yet?"

"I've been waiting for you. I thought I would repay you for everything with dinner together."

"It's very nice of you. I will be happy to accompany you. "

"You're always so formal, Jumin," She giggled as they headed to the kitchen. "But it's cute."

"Cute?" Nobody ever spoke about him this way.

"Yes, I've always considered you cute."

"I... do not know what to say."

"Oh, I made Jumin Han speechless! Thank you will be enough."

"Then thank you." Before they sat at the table, he contacted the chef to prepare a portion for two. For this reason, it took him more time than usual to prepare the proper meal.

"Have you thought what you want to do?" Jumin asked. "I just want to tell you that it won't be a problem for me if you stay here longer."

"Thank you, Jumin, but-" Her phone, which she's been holding on her knees, vibrated. She frowned. "I don't know this number. Hello? Who is it?" Her face suddenly became pale. "Yuwoon?" Jumin gulped, clenched his hands in fists. Anger overtook him. "Who's number it is? I've blocked yours. No, I don't want to talk to you. It's not your business where I'm." Her voice was icily but started to crack. "I... Please, stop..." Jumin could not stand it. He got up from his seat and took the phone from her hand. She did not protest.

"Hello, this is Jumin Han."

There was silence on the other side of the phone. Jumin frowned, sighed irritably, "Yuwoon, yes? What do you want from her?"

"I'm her goddamn boyfriend!" The man suddenly shouted loudly. "I want to know where she is!"

"I believe that you stopped being her boyfriend when you cheated on her," Jumin answered calmly but harshly.

"Bullshit, and it has nothing to do with you! Let me talk to her! She ran into your arms to cheer herself up?! "

"I advise you not to try to contact her anymore, otherwise, I will have to take certain steps, and it will not end well for you. Have a nice evening."

He hung up and gave her the phone. Her hands were trembling, her eyes dull.

"I'm sorry, Jumin... I think I'm going to cry again."

He crouched opposite her so that he would look at her, "Please, don't."

"I know he doesn't deserve my tears... But when I heard his voice ...Everything came back... We used to be so happy together... And then... No, damn it! I have it in front of my eyes again!"

Jumin approached her slowly, and just as she did it for him yesterday evening, he hugged her gently. She immediately returned his embrace and buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing.

Jumin stroked her hair, drawing more pleasure from it than he should. He pressed her closer to himself. His hands touched her skin, which was revealed by the cut of the dress on the back. Y/N shuddered in his arms and withdrawn her head away cautiously. She looked at him with eyes that were red from tears. Their faces were so close to each other that their breaths were mixed into one. He took her face in his hands and wiped her tears with his thumbs. Her gaze went to his lips, her cheeks flushed. His breath stopped in his lungs for a moment. He also glanced at her lips and then at her eyes, seeking permission in them.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Jumin squeezed his eyelids, exhaled with irritation and anger. Y/N almost jumped from him, clearly did not know where to look.

"It's probably food," Jumin announced and straightened up.

Your POV

Your heart was pounding wildly as Jumin moved away to the other room. Did you just... Did he just... You almost kissed. You sat back in the chair at the table and rubbed your warm face with your hands. What did you think? It could not happen! Your heart still ached, wound after Yuwoon's betrayal hasn't healed yet. You could not use Jumin kindness to fill the hole that your ex-boyfriend left behind in your soul. It just was not fair. His generosity, care, and kindness quickly overwhelmed you. It was hard to resist him when he was like this. But why did he want to kiss you? Did he get carried away by the moment and emotions? Did he have feelings for you? If that was the case, then all the more you couldn't use him like that!

Jumin came back with a tray of food that he placed on the table in front of you. You could not bring yourself to look at him. The dish that you had before you looked wonderful and smelled wonderful, but you knew that you would have to force yourself to swallow anything.

Jumin sat down on the opposite side of the table, "Shall we eat?" He asked as if nothing happened.

You nodded and you both started to eat in silence. In such a deep silence that you were afraid that he could hear your heart, beating loudly.

"Would you like to drink wine with me?" Jumin asked suddenly, and without waiting for your answer, he got up from the table. You watched him reaching for the wine hidden in the top cupboard. He also took two glasses and after a while, all this was on the table.

He poured the wine into both glasses and returned to his seat. You heard him raise his glass, felt his intense gaze on you, "After what occurred, I think it'll be wise for you to stay at my apartment for a while," He stated.

You blinked and you finally looked at him. You felt shivers on your back. His face was different than usual - there was something dark and cold on it.

"What... What do you mean?" You asked in a trembling voice.

"That man... Yuwoon. He is quite persistent. I do not think he'll leave you in peace soon. You'll be safe with me. He will not reach you here."

"Jumin..." You started carefully. "He has hurt me, it's true, he broke my heart, it's true, but he's not dangerous, he has never hurt me physically."

Jumin frowned, "You are sure that it will not change now? You can not know it, he has already failed your trust, and you may be mistaken about this case too. Besides, do you really feel ready to go back to that apartment of yours?"

You sighed, "No. But I have to go there eventually, to take my things at least."

"I can go with you, you will be safer if I accompany you."

"Yes, thank you." You smiled and looked into his eyes, looking for the warmth and kindness that you always saw in them. "But Jumin... Is it really okay for me to stay here longer? Others are already seeing it in a strange way."

"I don't care," He said sharply.

"That is not true. I know you, Jumin. I know you care about them all."

"I care about them, yes. But I don't care about their opinion. All the more if it concerns you.”

You sighed again, resting your chin on your hand, "Zen will be furious if I stay here."

Something twitched on Jumin's face, his features sharpened, "I do not care," He repeated emphatically, "Zen simply cannot understand."

"And what should he understand?" You took a sip of wine to give yourself some courage.

"How deeply I care about you, how much I want to protect you, I think I don't even understand it myself, but I know I want to have you close to me." After these words, he also drank wine, and you stared at him, your heart beating hard. You had no idea what to say. You both have always been close, from all of RFA members he was your best friend. But you did not expect to hear such words from him.

"I don't want to impose on you," He continued. "I don't want to destroy our friendship. After V left, only you can understand me, I always thought Elizabeth the 3rd could do it best, but I only lied to myself, and I understood it when you appeared in my life. "

"Jumin-"

"Can we make a deal?"

"A deal?" You raised your eyebrows.

"I know it may sound selfish, but can you stay here until I understand my feelings? And you also need time to feel better, at least I guess so."

On his face, in the way his hand trembled, clenched on a glass of wine, you saw that Jumin was not himself. That something is happening to him that he can't quite deal with.

You reached across the table for his other hand. He looked at you in shock, "Okay, I'll stay with you here if it's going to help you sort your thoughts."

Jumin slowly put down a glass of wine and grabbed your hand in both of his, "Do you really want to stay? It will not be uncomfortable for you?"

You shook your head, "But tomorrow I would like to go for my stuff. I appreciate that you bought everything for me, but-"

"Keep these things for yourself, please, of course, we will also go to your place for your clothes and other stuff tomorrow, but keep what I gave you as a gift."

You took a deep breath. Of course, all he bought for you was beautiful and you would be lying if you said it did not fit your taste, but... it was so expensive, so luxurious!

"Alright, but I do not want you to buy me anything more."

"Shall we continue?" He ignored you, pointed at the food and picked up the glass again.

***

After eating dinner and a few glasses of wine, you took a shower and went to bed. Elizabeth was accompanying you again, Jumin was in the guest room. There was a race of thoughts in your head. Lying on your stomach, you looked at the phone. Yoosung was in the chat room. After what happened to Rika, it took some time before the boy became a happy version of himself again.

[Y/N has entered the chat room] You: Yoosung! You're still up? Playing LOLOL?

Yoosung:

Yoosung: Yes! I just got a very rare item!

Yoosung:

Yoosung: but Y/N, you're at Jumin's place?

You: Yes.

Yoosung: I read what had happened.

Yoosung: I'm so sorry T-T

Yoosung: Yuwoon is so stupid, cheating on someone like you!

Yoosung:

You: Thank you, Yoosung, but can we please don't talk about it?

Yoosung: sure, I understand ^.-

[Jaehee Kang has entered the chat room]

Jaehee Kang: Y/N, you are still at Mr. Han's apartment?

You: Here we go again...

You: Yes, I'm still at his place. What about it?

Jaehee Kang: Don't you think it's a little unwise?

You: You’re all just overreacting.

You: Jumin is my friend, like all of you.

You: I feel good here, I'm not ready to go back to my apartment yet. Tomorrow, I will definitely go there for my things, but only for this, only for a moment.

You: Besides, Jumin asked me for a favor and I'm going to fulfill it because he deserved it after he helped me.

Jaehee Kang:

Jaehee Kang: I hope you know what you're doing

Jaehee Kang: You are both adults, so…

You: Yes, we are both adults, so can you let us make our own decisions?

[Jumin Han has entered the chat room]

Jumin Han: Y/ N

Jumin Han: How strange to talk to you here when you're right behind the wall

You: hahah, you're right, Jumin ^^

Yoosung: So why don't you just go to her?

Jumin Han: I do not think it's wise at this hour.

You: Um... ^^ '

Yoosung: Oh, you're such a gentleman, Jumin >.<

Jaehee Kang:

Jaehee Kang: Mr. Han, are you sure that it will not affect your work? And the company?

Jaehee Kang: You know how media are these days.

Jaehee Kang: If someone sees you in a company of woman, moreover, if someone sees that this woman sleeps in your apartment...

Jaehee Kang: Gossips will spread immediately.

Jumin Han: Y/N, how about pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?

Yoosung: lol, he just ignored you, Jaehee

Jaehee Kang:

51 notes · View notes

spnjediavenger · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 9: Something’s Wrong With Sam

Disclaimers: I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters, I also do not own Jenny

Time frame: Mid S6 (SPOILERS FOR S6 AND ANYTHING BEFORE), after “Live Free or Twi Hard”

SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING: short implication of past sexual assault

Notes: If you read, please give a comment and let me know what you think! I really love writing this!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 5.5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Elliana’s Journal, Chapter 8

A/N: So i’ve had these next couple chapters written for awhile but were put on pause while collabing with @sarimaposthumous and then i kind of dropped writing for awhile. So i’m gonna hopefully put up a chapter a day for the next couple days. Please give me feedback if you read! Much love xx

THE ROAD SO FAR… (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2X_2IdybTV0 listen while reading)

“Who are you? Are you an angel?”

“I’m more of a…guardian if you will.”

Gabriel handed Elliana a small necklace. She took it and laid it over one of her hands and examined it. It had a silver chain with a silver crescent moon, a circular pendent with a white wolf hanging in its center.

“Wolves are strong and tough and smart. Just like you. I believe in you, little wolf.”

“I know you won’t quit hunting, and that you’ve been doing it for awhile now, and you’re fully capable of taking care of yourself – but why don’t you come with us for just a few hunts? Give you the chance to get to know us and maybe come with us from now on,” Sam said hopefully.

“All right. I’ll come with you. But,” she said, catching the victorious smile on Sam’s face. “Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Look, kid – whatever else happened to you, you’re safe. And I know you’ve only known us a couple weeks but you’ve grown on us, squirt,” Dean continued, earning a quiet chuckle from Ellie. “If you decide to stay with us, we’ll always protect you.”

“We promise,” Sam came in, confirming Dean’s words.

“Nooo! Gabriel!!” Ellie shouted, jumping up from her chair, only to be pulled back by Sam. “No!” she cried, fighting against the younger Winchester, who only held her tighter. She eventually stopped fighting but stared at Gabriel’s body as tears streamed down her face.

“Sam, Dean. Good to see you again. And who’s this with you?” Lucifer asked, tilting his head in curiosity as he looked at Elliana. “New travel buddy? I’m Lucifer - though I’m assuming you already knew that.”

“After all this time, you weren’t even hard to catch. It’s a bit disappointing, really,” a voice said from beside Elliana, in an almost bored tone.

“Damon,” she said, trying her hardest to keep her voice from shaking. The demon she had been running from for a year. The demon that possessed her brother. The demon that came back years later to possess her father and kill both her parents.

“Lucifer,” Ellie said a bit distastefully. “What do you want?” she snapped.

“Now now,” Lucifer tisked. He leaned down again to grab a handful of Elliana’s hair to pick her up by. “Damon, here, wanted to just kill you. But I had him bring you here instead. So you should really be thanking me,” Lucifer said, nodding.

“You said Ohio was your ‘adoptive’ home,” he mused. “Let’s see what happened at your real home.”

Ooooh, what’s this? Lucifer’s voice practically purred in her mind - and Ellie could hear the smirk in it. Let’s play with this a little.

“You’re too weak. You’re powerless. There’s nothing you can do to stop me,” the vamp had smirked. He fed off her until she passed out. The rest of that day was filled with feelings of fear, powerlessness, and struggling. Her body being overtaken by his. Whatever innocence she had left from Ellie’s last run in with him being stolen from her.

“Ellie, what happened? Are you ok? What did he do to you?” Ellie collapsed into Jenny and squeezed her eyes shut, not even bothering to try and stay strong. Sobs shook her whole body as Jenny held her.

“Thank you guys,” she said. “I know I’m gonna be going through hell with this stuff but…thank you for giving me today. I had a great time.”

“No problem, kiddo,” Dean smiled.

“You’re family, Ellie. And we’ll be with you through this thing; every step of the way,” Sam said, placing a kiss on her temple. She smiled.

“You guys promise?”

“Hunter’s promise,” Dean said.

Chapter 9: Something’s Wrong With Sam

Elliana remembered Sam telling Bobby he came across his deceased grandfather and was going to start hunting with him; and she remembers feeling hurt he didn’t ask her to go too. Though she didn’t think she would even say yes if he had offered. She felt something was off with Sam. And she didn’t trust Samuel or the others.

Elliana remembered the long months of finding herself again; going on hunts with Bobby, visiting Jenny from time to time, Jody helping her with her panic attacks and flashbacks, and having to hide Sam’s resurrection from Dean.

Elliana remembered when Dean arrived with Sam when he came to drop Lisa and Ben off for protection. And how angry he was that they didn’t tell him Sam was alive. How she tearfully explained to Dean she had wanted so badly to tell him but Sam and Bobby made her promise not to.

Elliana remembered turning down the offer to hunt with the boys again. She didn’t tell them the main reason – that she didn’t want to be around the new Sam. Part of the reason she did tell them was because she wanted to stay away from the Campbells. She was relieved that Dean shared her suspicions.

Thinking back on all these things, Ellie missed how things were before Sam was in the cage. When they just hunted.

When they were together.

Now it was mid-October; a little over a year since “Sam” had been back. Elliana was hunting more regularly again but still wouldn’t go on her own. She either went with Bobby, occasionally Jenny or Jody, or with Garth.

Right now, Elliana was walking into Bobby’s place after taking Anaya for a walk with Jody. She heard Bobby on the phone in the kitchen and quietly crept to the doorway, staying out of sight for the moment.

“We tested him. Salt, silver – everything…Well, then he’s something we ain’t ever seen before…Did you call Cas?...Look, I get it. You’re rattled. But let’s be professional-…What you saw..are you sure that’s what you saw?...Well, “you know” ain’t the same as proof. ‘Cause we’re talking about-… …Alright. I’m with you…Yeah. I’ll hit the books. Hard. Just don’t shoot him yet, all right? Watch him. We need facts. ‘Cause if it ain’t Sam…we don’t know what it is. And if we’re gonna put him down, we need to know how… Get in the car. He’s your case.”

Bobby sighed as he put his phone down. He wiped a hand down his face and looked over to see Ellie standing in the doorway, holding her crossed arms.

“That Dean?” she asked absently before Bobby could get a word in.

“Yeah. We were-“

“Talking about Sam?” she interrupted. Bobby nodded. “I told you something was wrong, Bobby. I could tell practically the second he got here. So could Anaya. I tried telling you, Bobby! But none of you believed me! And then it goes and puts Dean in danger and lets him get turned into a freaking vampire!”

“Alright, alright, calm down, girl,” Bobby said. He gently placed his hands on her shoulders, only for her to shrug them away.

“This is getting so messed up,” Ellie said, voice cracking. “Jenny, Garth, and I went through so much to get Sam back and it’s not even him…I just want my brothers back.”

With this, Elliana turned and ran up the stairs to her room, shutting the door and plopping on the bed with Anaya and letting tears slowly spill from her eyes.

A couple hours later, Bobby lightly knocked on Ellie’s door. “Ellie, I know you’re upset, alright?” No answer. Bobby sighed. “Garth is comin’ around soon. Said he wanted to see you.”

Ellie couldn’t stop the smile that crossed her face. Her heart felt a little lighter as she thought back to first meeting Garth and how she quickly became close with him.

“Elliana, this is Garth. It’s ok, you can trust him. Wouldn’t hurt a fly,” Bobby said soothingly as Ellie somewhat hid around the corner of the wall.

“Well, not unless it has fangs,” the younger man joked with a wide smile on his face.

Ellie let out an airy laugh and a small smile crept onto her face; she moved into the living room, feeling comfortable enough to leave the wall.

“Wow – you already got a smile,” Bobby said, impressed. “Takes a lot to get one from her these days.” Elliana threw Bobby a Winchester bitch face. He knew the reason she didn’t. But Ellie knew he was only teasing her.

Garth simply shrugged, smile never leaving his face. He then turned to Ellie. “Elliana is a beautiful name,” he said kindly.

“Thanks,” the girl said, blushing a bit. Elliana quickly grew comfortable around Garth, his demeanor friendly and lighthearted. How was this guy a hunter? she thought.

“Noooo!” Elliana’s scream pierced the night air, echoing through the trees. Garth turned from the vampire he just beheaded and ran in the girl’s direction.

This wasn’t supposed to be a vamp case; so when the two arrived, nothing went as planned.

Garth finally got to Ellie to see her pinned to a tree by the vamp nest’s leader. He quickly ran over and swung his machete. The vamp’s head rolled off and Ellie fell to the ground, hyperventilating. Garth’s eyes widened a bit when he remembered Bobby mentioning she had past trauma with vamps (though he left out any other details).

Garth wasted no time in crouching down and helping Elliana through her panic attack. After she had calmed down enough, she lightly pulled away from the older hunter.

“I’m sorry,” she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I must look so weak.”

“You don’t look weak,” Garth replied, confusion written on his face as he didn’t know how Ellie could think that. “You look like a girl who’s been through more than anyone should have. And who needs love and compassion. For people to be there for her and remind her how strong she really is.”

Elliana’s tears ran again as she collapsed back into Garth, hugging him tight. She had only known him for a few weeks now and he was so caring with her.

Garth rested his chin on top of her head and wrapped his arms around her protectively. Ellie had grown on him quickly as well.

Ellie and Garth just finished a hunt in South Dakota and Garth pulled his car over to a grass field so they could eat before going back to Bobby’s.

Ellie sat on the hood with him, just staring at her plate, pushing the food around absently. Garth noticed and gently nudged her with his elbow.

“What’s up?” he asked caringly. When she didn’t say anything, he spoke again. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. But it’ll feel better if you let it out.”

The girl sighed and looked out at the long grass, which swayed lightly in the wind. “Sam and Dean took me here once,” she said quietly. “This exact field.” Ellie looked back down at her plate, though not at all interested in her food. “They took me out for a fun day since I was still really off after…Lucifer got me…”

Elliana looked up to meet Garth’s eyes now. He stared intently at her, taking in every word. “They promised me they’d be with me through everything. That they’d help me every step of the way.” Ellie’s voice started quivering now. “They promised me,” her voice cracked. Tears quickly filled her eyes and she couldn’t stop them from spilling over. “Why did they have to leave, Garth? They promised me. They promised.”

Garth placed a caring hand on Ellie’s arm and pursed his lips. “Ells, I know it sucks not having them here. But they didn’t leave things like this on purpose. Did Sam go to the cage to hurt you?”

Ellie’s brow furrowed in confusion. “No,” she said. She knew he wouldn’t.

“He did it to defeat Lucifer, right?”

Ellie nodded.

“Did Dean leave to hurt you?”

Ellie shook her head, starting to see where Garth was headed. “He went to keep his promise to Sam. He offered for me to come but I said no.”

“See? They’re not trying to make things bad. But sometimes, the ones we love and who love us the most, can hurt us the most. Even if they don’t mean to. But you have others around who care about you, too. Including me.” Garth finished with a kind smile that Ellie returned to the best of her ability. They had known each other for a couple months now and to Garth, she was already starting to feel like his little sister. And Ellie was beginning to see him as a brother, too.

Another soft knock brought Elliana out of her thoughts. She wiped her tears away and sat up. “Yeah?”

“You don’t sound too happy to see me,” Garth said jokingly as he opened the door, letting a goofy grin spread on his lips.

“Garth!” Ellie exclaimed, jumping off her bed to run into the hunter’s open arms. Garth’s goofy smile turned into a warm, happy one as he hugged her back. As soon as Bobby told him Ellie was feeling down again, he hurried over to try and help her in any way he could.

“So what’s on your mind?”

“I mean, Jenny and you and I almost died to get Sam back, ya know? We spent so much time, did so much research.”

Garth, as always, kept his eyes on Elliana while she vented to him. He wanted her to feel and know that he was listening. That he truly cared about her and what was troubling her.

“And I was still afraid of going out with everything that happened only a month before…but when we finished the job, I was so excited to see Sam again…and when I did…it wasn’t him. Not really. He didn’t smile. Didn’t really hug me back. Nothing…

“And I tried to tell Bobby. Then Dean when he found out Sam was alive. But they brushed me off. Said ‘he’s just in shock’. They let it go and Sam let. Dean. Turn into a vampire! Only now do they realize there’s something wrong with him!” Ellie let out a big sigh, her feelings exiting with it. “I just don’t know what to do now,” she said, meeting Garth’s eyes in a softer way.

“Well, what do you want? If you don’t know what to do, start by figuring out what you want,” he said simply, giving a small shrug.

Elliana looked at the ground, thinking for a moment.

“I want Sam back,” she whispered. “I want my brothers.”

“Ok. So what has to be done to get him back?”

Ellie sighed. “Research. Lore. Try to figure out what might be wrong.”

“Well, there you go,” Garth said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Another sigh.

“But what if…what if it doesn’t work?” the girl asked meekly, looking back up at Garth.

“What if it does?”

Silence.

“Ells,” Garth placed a brotherly hand on hers. “It’s one thing to look back and say ‘I wish I could’ve found a solution.’ But you don’t want to look back and say ‘I wish I would’ve tried.’* Look, I know you love those guys. I know you love Sam. I also know you’re really hard headed.” Garth smiled when he earned a small chuckle from Ellie. “And you won’t let yourself off easy if you don’t try to get Sam back.

“Either way, you know I’m with you,” Garth finished with a reassuring squeeze of her hand.

A few days later, Ellie was in the library with Bobby and Garth, reading through lore to see if they could find out what was wrong with Sam – if it was Sam. Ellie just picked up a new book when the sound of fluttering wings came behind her. She turned around to come face to face with Castiel.

“Elliana, come with me,” he said, reaching a hand out, which she promptly shoved away.

“What the hell, Cas?! I’ve been praying to you for a year, trying to get you here, and after all the dead silence, you just appear out of nowhere and expect me to go with you when you don’t even greet me or give an explanation or an apology for ignoring me during the worst year of my life?!” Ellie shouted angrily at the angel.

Cas looked to Bobby and Garth, who held their hands up, not wanting to join the argument. Though they were siding with Elliana anyway.

Cas let out a partially impatient sigh as he looked towards the windows then back at Ellie. “I am sorry for not responding to you. I can explain later but time is of the essence,” he said, holding out his hand again. When Ellie still made no move towards him he spoke again. “We’re going to find out what’s wrong with Sam.”

Ellie’s eyes finally shot up to meet Cas’. She looked over to Bobby, who looked equally as shocked, then to Garth. She wanted to find an answer, but Garth had come all the way to be with her and help her with this.

As if reading her thoughts, Garth smiled reassuringly. “You need to be with him,” he said. He didn’t mind if Ellie left; he just wanted whatever would help her. He was glad Cas came, though he had no idea who he was. Elliana needed to be there when they found out what was wrong so she could get her brother back.

Elliana ran to grab her bag and whistled twice to signal for Anaya to follow her. She gave Bobby a hug, then Garth, whispering a ‘thank you’ to him as she squeezed him a little tighter.

Then Cas transported himself, Elliana, and Anaya from Bobby’s house.

“Hey, kid,” Dean’s voice said. Ellie quickly turned around to see Dean and ran into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“I’m sorry about Lisa,” she whispered, truly feeling bad that Dean had lost her and Ben (metaphorically). “I’m so sorry.”

When Dean stiffened a bit, she hugged him tighter before leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek. Anaya came over and pressed herself against Dean, wagging her tail happily, making the older Winchester smile.

“You’re right, he looks terrible,” Cas said. Ellie and Dean turned to him and Ellie’s face dropped. “You did this?” Cas asked.

“Jeez, Dean, what’d you do to him?” Ellie said, looking at a very beaten and bloody Sam.

He began to grunt and move his head, regaining consciousness. “Cas?” he said, confusion written on his face; even more so when he realized he was tied up. Cas began inspecting him, asking questions about how he’s been feeling to try and determine what was different. Anaya stood stiffly by Ellie since Sam came to, not taking her eyes off him. And Ellie couldn’t help but jump a little when Dean snapped at his brother, sick of him beating around the bush.

“How much do you sleep?” Cas asked Sam.

There was a pause before he answered. “I don’t.”

“At all?” Dean asked, eyebrows raised.

“Not since I got back.”

Now it was Ellie’s turn to jump in. “And you didn’t think there was anything off about that? You just keep going like everything is normal?!”

“Of course I did, Elliana. I-I just never told you guys.”

“Sam… What are you feeling now?” Cas came in again, narrowing his eyes a bit at him.

Sam huffed a bit. “I feel like my nose is broken.”

“No, that’s a physical sensation. How do you feel?”

“I think-“

“Feel.”

“I don’t…I don’t know.”

The other three in the room looked at each other. Cas removed his belt, confusing everyone at first.

“This will be unpleasant,” he said, then placed the belt in Sam’s mouth. “Bite down on this. If there’s someplace you find soothing, you should go there…in your mind.”

Sam looked at Dean for help, but Dean stared straight at him (though Cas’ actions confused him as well).

Cas reached down and put his hand inside Sam, making him shout in pain. Ellie looked away and Dean pulled her into his side, running a comforting hand down her arm. After a few moments, Cas pulled away and looked around a bit contemplatively, putting his belt back on.

“Did you find anything?” Dean asked. His brother’s pained gasps not going unnoticed.

“No,” the angel replied, eyes downcast as he rolled his sleeves back down.

Dean raised his brow, turning his head to look at Cas. “So that’s good news?”

“I’m afraid not.”

He paused again.

“Cas, please,” Elliana said exasperatedly. She was sick of everyone avoiding giving answers today.

“Physically, he’s perfectly healthy.”

“Then what?” Dean asked.

“It’s his soul,” Cas finally met his gaze. “It’s gone.”

“What?!” Ellie snapped her eyes to him.

Dean cleared his throat, taking a few steps away. “I’m sorry. One more time – like I’m 5. What do you mean he’s got no-“

“When Sam was resurrected, it was without his soul.”

Everyone looked at said man, and Sam looked almost lost.

“So where is it?”

“My guess is it’s…still in the cage with Michael…and Lucifer.”

The mention of Lucifer sent an involuntary shiver down Elliana’s spine. And this whole thing was already making her very on edge. How could Sam be taken back, but his soul wasn’t?

“So, is he even still Sam?”

Cas looks over his shoulder to Sam, still addressing Dean. “Well, you pose an interesting philosophical question.”

As he, Sam, and Dean get into a conversation about getting his soul back, keeping him tied up, and Elliana didn’t even pay attention to the rest; she just began pacing the room as she ran her hands through her hair. Things just seemed to be getting more and more complicated.

“Samuel.”

Ellie’s interest was torn back to the boys’ conversation.

“Alright, let’s go then,” Dean said, grabbing his things together.

“Wait, what?” Ellie said, crossing her arms as she went to stand in front of him.

“If Samuel was brought back too, then he might know what’s going on. It’s the only lead we have right now.” Dean paused from his bag and looked at Ellie. “I know you don’t trust him, kid. But I know you want Sam back as much as I do,” he continued in a hushed tone. “Now, you don’t have to come with us if you don’t want, but something tells me you do.”

His eyes searched hers and she sighed reluctantly, looking down at the ground. Dean patted her arm and gave her a quick kiss to her head.

“It’ll be alright. We’re gonna go in, get what we need to know, then we’ll be gone. Ok?”

Ellie looked to Dean’s eyes again and, seeing his reassuring smile, nodded and grabbed her things as well. She still didn’t like it. But after all that’s been done to get Sam back, and being this close, she guessed now wouldn’t be the time to throw in the towel.

Chapter 10 ->

Forever tags: @bellero

A/N: *This is a quote I used and modified a bit from Fuller House (spoken by Aunt Becky). Credit goes to the Fuller House people.

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #Sam Winchester #sam and dean #Sam and Dean Winchester #dean winchester #oc #original character #castiel #cas #bobby singer #Garth Fitzgerald IV

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julia-highstorms · 7 years ago

Text

The Third Park (Damien x OC (Ellie)) - Part 3

Summary: Damien Nazario’s is about to turn upside down when he meets Eleanor Zhou.

Note: (most) characters belong to Pixelberry Studios. Damien is 100% human in here and Male!MC (Allen). Damien’s fc (Santiago Cabrera) gifs by @flynnomalleys and Ellie’s fc (Ni Ni) by @ivywrites (the gif used in Part 2 is @ileftthebuilding’s creation). Has anyone noticed that Ellie shared her surname with Aiden (HSS)? Yep, they’re cousins too (and Ellie is from Cedar Cove) Link to previous parts

Pairing: Damien x OC (Ellie)

Rating: PG-13 (language/alcohol)

Tagging: @flynnomalleys @boneandfur @damienazariostan @client327 @never-ending-choices @dangerous-capri15 @goirishsunshine @walkerismychoice @laniquelove @parkerattano @bluediamondsapphire @wa-reva @her-imperial-hangman-s @endlesswoods @confessionsofabrokegirl @odetomars @suckmydestielobsessedassbutt If you would like to be tagged, tell me!

Word count: 2780

“Uh...” – Damien looked back at her, a little surprised by her sudden bluntness. – “I beg your pardon?”

But he would be lying if he said that he didn't like listening to her cursing. Oh, he liked it, and more than he should. Seeing the swear word coming out of that pretty mouth of hers was hot.

God dammit, Damien. Get ahold of yourself, man.

"I mean, I've always known that they were both a little crazy. But not crazy enough to marry…" - she quickly glanced around, making sure no one could hear her. - "...robots."

"Oh." - he simply said. - "Don't ask me. I don't understand it either." - Eleanor let out a low sigh, looking above her shoulder to the newlyweds outside, laughing about something.

"I just hope they know what they're getting into." - she muttered, a worrying expression on her face.

"Don't worry. Hayden and Steve are great people. And they truly care and love your cousins." - she nodded, but he could see that she was not fully convinced yet.

“I believe in you. It all just sound too surreal to me. I don’t know, what if they turn into evil robots?” - Damien snorted. - “Hey, this is serious!” - the woman had an angry expression on her face and their eyes locked for a moment, before they both burst off laughing. - “Okay, this sounded a little silly, I confess.”

"Yeah, it sounded.” - he agreed, still chuckling. “But I assure you that you have nothing to worry about. They're their Perfect Matches, after all." - he said the last sentence with bitterness in his voice.

Ellie stopped laughing instantly as her eyes suddenly shined mischievously:

"Someone sounds a little hurt..."

...What?

"I'm not." - he stated, frowning.

"Well, your behavior says exactly the opposite." - she said with a sly grin spreading through her red lips.

"What do you mean?" - he crossed his arms and stepped back.

"This. First, drinking as if there was no tomorrow and now acting so defensive."

Damien was wordless. That was one of those rare times that he didn't know what to say. Who was this woman who had just met him but could read him like an open book? Why he felt like he was under some kind of spell?

But before he could say or do anything, they heard Nadia calling for her:

"Ellie?! Where are you?! There's someone that I want you to meet!"

Eleanor shouted back to her cousin saying that she was coming, before turning back at him.

"It was a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Nazario."

And then, Eleanor Zhou turned around and Damien watched - still paralyzed by her - the woman in red walking outdoors to where her cousin was waiting for her.

...Jeez, he needed another drink.

Damien spent the day after the double wedding on his bed, completely hangover. After Allen's and Nadia's cousin had left him alone, he decided to leave the party. He knew that he was supposed to stay until the end - as their Best Man -, but it was being simply torture watch Allen all happy in Hayden's arms.

But of course he couldn't leave before saying goodbye to him. So he wished Allen and Hayden a safe honeymoon and told his best friend that he was happy for him one more time (and he truly was), before excusing himself. He left before Nadia had the opportunity to complain his early departure - thankfully, she was too busy introducing her cousin to one of her artists friends. Eleanor didn't see him left the party too, thank God - and Damien went to his favorite pub, Archer and Hopps. And he spent the rest of the night there drinking. He wasn't sure how he got home, but he suspected that his good old friend Flynn helped him to come home.

As soon as he felt a little better and less dizzy, on Sunday night, he took a quick shower and ordered Thai food for dinner. Damien opened his drink cabinet and pulled out a Bacardi before settling down on his couch and turning the TV on to watch the news while he ate (and drank some more).

He passed out on the sofa, wasted again.

Although she was on vacation from her work, Eleanor woke up bright and early on Monday. She was in New York and she would enjoy every single minute while she was there. She had already gone to Central Park the day before, reviving some of her childhood memories - Nadia's mom would always take the three of them to spend a whole day there when she came to the Big Apple on holidays with her parents - and today she would go shopping!

...After she took Dipper on her morning stroll.

That was another reason why she took that one week vacation. Allen asked her to take care of his dog while he was away. Usually, he asked Nadia to take care of the dog, but she had her own honeymoon too, so he had to ask this favor to his other cousin. And Ellie gladly accepted it, since she herself had a 4 year old yellow Labrador Retriever, Freddie. She considered bringing him to NY, but he and Dipper could not get along and that would be a problem. Freddie didn't like to share, especially Ellie’s love and attention. So she left him home in Northbridge, under the care of her best friend, Lucy.

Eleanor had just came back to Allen's apartment in Brooklyn after taking Dipper for a walk, when she received an email. It was her boss asking her the layouts of the pages with the photoshoot pictures that Poppy sent the week before.

"Shit!" - she cursed, before running to her cousin's bedroom to grab her laptop. She kept swearing, calling her boss names (she was on vacation after all!) as she tried to connect to Allen's Wi-Fi…

...But she didn't know his password. She searched for it throughout the whole apartment, any sign of what could be his password, but she found nothing. She tried a lot of combinations, but none of them worked.

Ellie cursed again and texted Allen (and Nadia) asking for it, but she knew that he wouldn't answer her. He was on his god dammit honeymoon! He was busy. He wouldn't be looking through his phone.

"Fuck!" - she yelled, after almost an hour trying to log on.

Then, she remembered something. She grabbed her phone again and scrolled through the contacts, stopping by a new name, listening to Allen's words inside her head:

"If you need any help, Damien is the man! He'll help you with anything! All you need to do is call him."

And, without thinking twice, she pressed "call".

Damien woke up with a terrible headache. He slowly sat up, rubbing his hand on his sore neck. He slept on the couch, again. And he was wearing the clothes from the day before and the TV was still on. He turned it off, realizing that the reason why his head seemed that it was going to explode was because someone was trying to knock his door down.

"Ugh… what time is it?" - he thought to himself, wobbling towards the door of his apartment. - "Is it Nadia? Why didn't she simply came in? She has my key anyway..."

But the woman outside wasn't Nadia.

"Finally!" - she yelled when he opened the door. It was Allen's and Nadia's cousin. The Third Park. And then he remembered that his friends were away on their honeymoons. Fuck. - "Oh my God, are you hangover?!"

"Uh… what? What are you doing here? How do you know where I live?" - he asked Eleanor, who looked disapprovingly at him, her arms crossed.

"Unbelievable." - yep. She definitely was a Park. Her reaction was the same as Nadia’s. - "Don't you have a little of self-love, Nazario?"

"You didn't answer my questions. What--"

"Allen told me to call you if I needed any help so, just in case, he gave me your number and address. And I need help right now, so here I am." - she shrugged. He didn't move a muscle. - "Are you going to stand there and look at me the whole day or what?"

He gave her space to enter his apartment. She quickly glanced around. It looked… not a completely mess.

"But what are you doing here? In New York, I mean?" - he asked, still acting a little defensive.

"Allen asked me to take care of his dog while he's away, so I'm living on his apartment this week." - he opened his mouth to say something, but she interrupted him: - "Listen, if I knew that you were too busy sleeping, I wouldn't have come here. But I really need your help. Of course I tried to contact him, but he won't pick up, obviously. And I need your help, Damien."

They looked at each other's eyes for a few seconds, before he let out a sigh, crossing his arms.

"Alright. What can I do to help you?"

"I need Allen's Wi-Fi password."

Damien blinked a few times.

"...Do I look like someone who knows this?"

"No. But you've been to his house before, so I bet you have his Wi-Fi saved on your phone. All you need to do is come with me so, as soon as we get there, your phone will automatically connect and you'll tell me what his password is."

"...This actually makes sense." - he confessed after a few seconds staring back at her. Eleanor rolled her eyes.

"Of course. I have a brain too, Nazario. And mine is not drowned on alcohol." - she answered him, before opening the apartment door. - "Now, shall we?" - she said, with a grin.

As Eleanor said, as soon as they stepped on the hall of Allen's apartment, Damien's phone connected to his Wi-Fi. Dipper happily greeted them when they entered, the woman quickly typing the password on her laptop.

"YES!" - she yelled when it connected and soon opened her email.

The man looked around the apartment, feeling a little uncomfortable. It was strange being there with no sign of Allen.

"Uh… so I guess I better go now..."

"And drink until you pass out again? No! Stay here!" - Ellie said, her eyes glued on her computer. - "Make yourself comfortable, I know that's what Allen would have said."

Shit. She knew exactly what to say to convince him.

Hesitantly, he sat down on Allen's couch, with Dipper following him, her tail wiggling.

"Hey girl, calm down." - he awkwardly patted her on the head as she licked his hand. Damien never cared much about pets, but Dipper was a good dog.

He watched Ellie working on her computer sitting by the dinner table, speaking to herself, cursing her boss.

And then, Damien slowly fell asleep.

“Finally! Now I’ll see it only next Monday, when I go back to work!” - Eleanor spoke to herself as she turned the computer off. It took more time than she expected, but at least she was finally free.

And then, she remembered that Damien was there. He had been so quiet that she almost forgot about him.

She looked over her shoulder and saw the man sleeping on the couch, his neck on a strange angle, with Dipper sleeping on his feet. Ellie admired the view for a few seconds.

Yes, Damien Nazario definitely was handsome, even hangover and sleeping.

She carefully sat on the couch next to him. Dipper immediately woke up, her tail wiggling at the woman, who stroked her fur.

“Uh… hey, Damien…” - she said softly, trying to not startle him. - “Damien…?” - she gently squeezed his arm, finally waking him up. He blinked a few times, getting on his surroundings and then his sleepy dark brown eyes fell on her. She smiled. - “Hey. You fell asleep.”

“I… uh…” - he still was tongue tied. It was not every day that he was awakened so gently by a beautiful woman next to him. Eleanor stood up, walking around the living room.

“Why don’t we go grab something to eat? It’s 2 p.m. already and we still haven’t eaten.” - she grabbed her purse. - “Let me pay for your lunch. You know, for helping me. And I feel that we started off on the wrong foot. So consider this my redemption.”

He stood up too and walked towards her.

“You don’t need to; it was the least I could do. And I’m sorry if I was a little rude to you.”

“It’s okay, I was being a little rude myself. Showing at your house like that and demanding for your help. I would be in a bad mood too if I were I your shoes. But I thought Allen would at least had told you about helping me…”

“Well, he was head over heels because of the wedding. I bet he just forgot.” - he saw that mischievous grin on her lips again. - “What?”

“You do like him, uh?”

Damien said nothing, but the shade of red that suddenly raised on his face spoke to him. He simply turned around and opened the apartment door.

“Lunch. Let’s go grab some lunch.” - he said, stepping out on the hallway. Ellie let out an evil laughter before following him.

Damien took them to eat some kebab from a food cart.

“I love how you can find every piece of the world here in New York.” - Eleanor said, eating her own lunch. - “Especially on street food!”

“If you haven’t eaten something from a food cart, then you didn’t have a full New Yorker experience.” - Damien said, feeling satisfied. The kafta was great. - “Thanks for the lunch by the way. I forgot my wallet at home when someone came and kidnapped me.”

Eleanor giggled. He liked the sound of her laughter.

“I’m sorry, okay?!” - he chuckled back. - “But you’re not from here, are you?”

“No. But I’ve been living here for almost seven years. I’m Puerto Rican. And you… you’re not fully Korean, are you? Because of your surname.”

“No, I’m not. My father is Chinese, so this is why my surname is different from Nadia’s and Allen’s. Their fathers are my mom’s brothers.”

“So you’re half-Chinese and half-Korean.” - she nodded. - “Interesting. Nadia is mixed too. Only Allen is fully Korean. Although his parents met each other here.”

“That’s right. What an amazing thing is the globalisation, uh? I love it. Getting to know new places, new cultures, new people.”

They walked down the street, and Damien couldn’t hold back a smile listening to Ellie’s excitement. The more he knew her, the more he was intrigued by Eleanor Zhou, as he first felt when he met Allen and Nadia, six years ago... And the more it was confirmed that she was a Park. She had that cheerful view of life that he always admired on the Parks, even though she seemed more down to earth than her cousins.

“So. Where are we heading to now?”

“I’m going to work.” - he answered her. Those cases weren’t going to solve by themselves.

“I thought you were going to give me a fully New Yorker experience!” - she pouted.

“And I just did. You ate from a food cart. You should go eat a bagel next.”

“Jerk.” - she said and they shared a laugh. Damien felt like it’s been a while since he laughed this much. - “Alright, I guess I’ll have to carry my bags alone. Sigh.”

“You didn’t just said ‘sigh’. Who does it?”

“I do, when I am frustrated. Sigh.” - he chuckled. Eleanor was a little weird, but she was cute too.

Was it another Park trait? How could all of them be so adorably weird?

He hesitated for a second, wondering. Should he do it?

Damien knew that he should turn around and go away.

Don’t get involved with another Park.

“But, uh… maybe we could… go drink tomorrow night. If you feel up to a night out in New York, I mean.” - the words simply came out of his mouth before he could hold them back.

And then, he saw that sly grin on her face again.

“I don’t see why not. Pick me up at nine? On Allen’s apartment.”

“Okay. Uh, I better go now. You have fun shopping.”

“Wait, I better give you my number. Just in case, right?” - she said, stepping closer to him, before he walked away. Her brown eyes shined mischievously.

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” - he grabbed his phone and she told him her number. - “Okay. Uh… you have my number, right?”

“Yeah. See you tomorrow night, Damien.”

And he watched her walking towards the nearby subway station.

He looked down to his hand, her number still glowing on the screen of his phone.

Fuck.

Damien Nazario knew that he was screwed up.

#the third park #damien nazario #damien x oc #perfect match #playchoices #perfect match fanfic #perfect match au #pm #choices fanfic #choices fanfiction #long post

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