#i hope you’re having fun learning I have always been this weird about fallout

[kyngsnake]

sometimes i forget how old this blog is until a piece of art from 2015 status circulating again

[lovingmyselfcore]

Skate Into My Heart

Chapter Three; Uh oh

BESTIES

I'M ALIVE AND I DID THE WRITING THING

@ciaraloves (or @perseusjackson-jasongrace ig) LOOK AT ME DOING THE THING

As soon as Nico left the locker room, Piper pounced on him. Literally.

He was forced to take a step back and caught her by the shoulders, “What’s up?”

She was practically vibrating with excitement, “Annabeth’s back!”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Come on!” She grabbed his hand and yanked him through the hallways and into the main rink where a crowd of people had formed next to the bleachers.

It was the rest of the team and in the center was Annabeth, a duffle bag slung over one shoulder, looking exhausted as all hell but she was grinning as the team peppered her with questions and play-by-plays of the practices she’d missed.

Piper shouldered them into the center so Nico was directly in front of Annabeth, Piper on one side and Calypso on the other.

“Hey, Nico,” Annabeth said, still grinning. She stepped forward for a hug and he let her, burying his face into her neck and breathing, already feeling the responsibility leaking from his tight shoulders. Annabeth was like a big sister to him, not that he’d ever admit that, but still.

“You want to get out?” Nico whispered into her neck.

“Yes,” She whispered back emphatically. Nico could barely stop himself from laughing but as they pulled apart he saw the genuine relief in her eyes and felt himself worrying. He needed to talk to her, about the team and skating, about Will and of course, if she needed to talk about why she’d been gone for so long, he’d do that too.

Apparently, Calypso recognized that too and, bless her heart, muttered something to Leo, and together they captured the team’s attention, allowing Nico to tug Annabeth away from the crowd and out of the rink. She sighed as soon as they were ejected onto the city streets. Nico stuck an arm out and she smiled and linked their arms.

“Where are you headed?” Nico asked as they walked the short distance to the car garage.

“Oh, probably just my apartment.”

Nico nodded, “I wasn’t sure if you’d be staying with your dad or not.”

She shook her head, “He doesn’t even know I landed yet. I’ll head over in the morning.”

Her voice was stiff and Nico took that as his cue to change the subject. “So I have something to confide in you.”

She perked up almost immediately and he swallowed hard. But she just looked at him with those gray eyes and he reminded himself that this was Annabeth. That she wasn’t going to get angry with him.

At least, he hoped not.

“I’m talking to one of the hockey players,” He said casually.

Her grip on his arm stiffened and he braced himself but she was still just looking at him.

Finally, she grinned, “So when you say ‘talking to’...”

He groaned and felt himself flush, “Oh, shut up! Just friends.”

She hummed and released his arm to dig for her keys in her jacket pocket. “Is he nice?”

“No, he’s a dick,” Nico said sarcastically.

Annabeth rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. “I don’t know why I even bother.”

“He’s blonde,” Nico offered.

“Oooh,” Annabeth drawled.

He rolled his eyes and she burst out laughing, her voice echoing off the stone walls of the parking garage.

“Is he gay?” Annabeth asked.

Nico nearly flinched and passed it off with another eye roll, “I don’t know, Annie, that’s not something that’s come up in casual conversation.”

She glared at him and Nico, being the mature adult he is, stuck his tongue out at her. She did it back then shook her head. “Too much time with Percy,” She muttered and Nico snorted. She grinned at him.

“So he’s okay?”

That sobered her immediately. “Yeah. Well, as okay as he can be. I’m only here for like two weeks because he insisted I come back, but I’m leaving as soon as possible,” She glanced sideways at him, “Not to leave you alone again, though.”

He shrugged off the flash of selfish hurt he’d felt, “I’m good, Beth.” But he wasn’t good. He’d just told her about Will, and not even the start of the way his stomach would twist when he saw a new text from the hockey player and not the same twist when he panicked. And that also meant his chances of performing solo again were climbing. He didn’t know how to feel about that part.

“Stop that!” She exclaimed, halting once they’d reached her car.

“Get some sleep, Annabeth,” He said genuinely then smirked a little, “It looks like you need it.”

She threw a balled-up receipt she’d found in her bag at him, “Dick!”

~~~~

“Hey, Nico.”

Nico nearly leaped out of his skin, spinning to see Persephone in the living room.

She snorted, “Didn’t mean to scare you, sorry. Did practice go well?”

His phone buzzed in his pocket, “Yeah. Annabeth’s back.”

Persephone hummed, reaching up to untwist her hair, sending it cascading down her shoulders, “That’s good. I know you’ve missed her,” She said with a knowing look in her eyes that made him shift uncomfortably.

“Yeah, definitely, um, I’m tired we learned some new moves for Regionals today, so,”

“Yeah of course.” She was still smiling.

“‘Night Persephone,”

~~~

Nico flopped face-down onto his bed with a groan. He knew Persephone though he had a crush on Annabeth; he didn’t blame her, he’d never really made it a point that he didn’t. He wished he could come out to her and his dad, he didn’t really have a reason why he hadn’t besides the weight of anxiety on his lungs.

His phone buzzed again, and he wriggled upright to yank it out of his pocket.

Will: Distract me

Will: My mom is driving me insane

Nico grinned to himself, both of them were dealing with mommy issues at the moment.

Nico: idk how you expect me to distract you

Will: Just tell me about snakes or smth

Nico: you think i just have fun facts about snakes on hand?

Will: Yeah?

Nico: good

Nico: cause i do

Will: :)

Nico: snakes can slither 12.5 mph

Will: Good lord

Nico: snakes have internal ears but not external ones

Will: ??

Nico: they can’t create their own body heat which is why theyre in the sun all the time

Will: Hmmmm

Nico: they smell w/their tongues

Will: I thought they had nostrils??

Nico: they do

Will: what

Nico: it’s their Jacobson’s organ my dude it works in mysterious ways

Nico: not really but yk

Nico: sCieNcE

Will: ok….

Nico: if you get bored of snakes i’ve also got a bunch of random cheetah facts

Nico: i love cheetahs

Nico: very cool

Nico: fast cats

Will: Lmao go ahead

Nico: but first

Nico: why’s your mom driving you insane

Nico: if you want to tell me ofc

Nico: not trying to be weird

Will: Nah you’re fine

Will: She wants me to focus entirely on med school and not hockey

Will: She’s trying to get me out of it, actually

Will: Do something ‘respectable’

Will: Not turn out like my dad

Will: Even though dad has literally NOTHING to do with hockey

Will: And in my opinion he’s not bad. Not great. Not awful yk

Will: But hockey’s what’s putting me through med school so

Will: Gods, I really just burdened you with that I’m so sorry

Nico: med school huh

Nico: now i can say i know a doctor

Will: In training

Nico: close enough

Nico: you’re a great hockey player and you're going to be a great doctor

Nico: and you can always talk to me, will

Nico: you’re not burdening me with shit

Will: thanks <3

Nico didn’t understand why he blushed. It was a goddamn emoji. Calm down, Di Angelo.

Will: So we’ve been talking for a few weeks now. Can I call you my friend yet?

Nico snorted, feeling like he was fifteen again, sprawled on his bed, in the dark (because for some reason he didn’t turn his lights on) late at night, texting his- well, anyway.

Nico: yea dumbass

Nico: we’re friends

Will: Nice

Will: Now give me cheetah facts you adorable nerd

~~~

WILL

“Will? You good?”

Will blinked, Jason coming in to focus in front of him. “Uh, yeah.”

“That was believable,” Clarisse said sarcastically from behind Jason.

Will attempted to shake the fog from his head, “Yes,” He repeated.

Jason just blinked at him and Will was formulating an excuse for why he was so tired besides the fact that he’d spent all night talking to a cute figure skater with a ridiculous amount of animal facts stored in his small body when Coach Hedge’s voice boomed from his seat on the bleachers, “Solace! You alive?”

“Yes, coach!” Will shot back.

“Then why are you just standing there? Get back to the game! You too, La Rue and Grace!”

“Yes, sir!” They all barked back.

Clarisse gave him a once over before skating back to her goal and Jason went over to Will’s spot with him, “You sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah, just tired.”

Jason opened his mouth, probably to question why the mom friend of their group was tired enough he nearly tripped over his stick but Will just said, “It’s fine, Jase. It’s not a big deal.”

“Grace!” Coach Hedge screeched.

Jason gave up on trying to interrogate Will and skated back over to his spot.

~~~~

“Mama, please,” Will tried, but his mother cut him off.

“Willaim. Hush. How’s that girl you said you were dating?”

What?

He was silent for a beat too long.

“Oh, baby,” His mother’s thick southern accent drenched her words. “You broke up? I’m so sorry.”

Oh gods, Lou Ellen Blackstone.

Will and Lou Ellen had dated for two months a long time ago, and when they were still dating he’d told his mother about her to get her to back off of his personal life a little. Their break up hadn’t had a huge fallout, Lou Ellen had told him through tears in his living room that she was aromantic. They were still friends, had been even before they dated, actually, and talked to each other pretty regularly.

But the problem was, that had been three months ago, and he hadn’t told his mother about their breakup. He knew she’d ask why, and he didn’t want to out Lou Ellen or make her a devil in his mother’s eyes. So he’d procrastinated coming up with a reason until he’d forgotten about it entirely.

And now it had come back to bite him in the ass.

“Yeah we broke up a little while ago,” He forced himself to sound choked up, which wasn’t hard, giving the way his panicked brain was now sprinting in circles on his lungs. “I just didn’t disappoint you.” Probably the most honest thing he’d said in weeks, but that’ll be unpacked later.

“Honey,” She sighed sadly and Will didn’t know whether or not that was on his behalf or hers.

“Well, it’s okay, because I’m dating someone new.”

“Oh?” He could hear her spine straighten. “Is it someone I know?”

No, mom, it’s not one of the country girls I grew up with.

“No,” He winced at how southern he sounded. He’d been talking to his mother for five minutes. “You don’t know him.”

HIM. Good Gods, Will. Yeah, you came out as bi to your mom, but still, you haven’t actually mentioned a guy to her yet.

She was silent for so long his heart joined his brain in the track meet happening on top of his lungs. “What’s his name?”

He was so she’d spoken that he blurted, “Nico.”

What. The. Fuck. Willaim.

Apparently, his heart had won that damn track race.

“Well, what I was leading up to before you told me about what happened,”

Will hummed non-committally, trying not to sound like he was taking relieved breaths as she spoke.

“The family’s come for a reunion and you should bring that boy!” Will choked on his spit.

“Mom, I don’t know about-”

“No, William. There isn’t a set date yet so we can work around your schedule,” Fuck. “I insist, Will. I need to meet this boy you clearly like very much, even though all you’ve said is his name, a mother knows.”

Umm, what.

“Sure,” Will said, sounding a little strangled. “But we have a game this weekend.”

“Alright, William.” She sounded the way she always did when he brought up hockey. “But as I said, we can work around your schedule and his. Talk to him about it, and let me know.”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Will repeated. “I’ll do that.”

She hung up and he was left staring at the wilting daisies at his kitchen table.

What had he just done?

[youngjusticeslut]

Only Us

Fandom: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power Characters: Adora, Catra Ships: Catradora Rating: G Word Count: 3,025 AO3

“I want to say something. It’s been sitting on my chest all day, and I want to tell you. I do. I’m just…” She looks down at their hands again and swallows. “I’m scared.” 

“Horde Prime is gone,” Adora says, caressing Catra’s knuckles with her thumb. “You don’t have to be scared, anymore. He isn’t going to hurt you, not ever again.”

“It’s not him I’m scared of. It’s this,” Catra confesses, her voice cracking. “Us.”

-

After the war, Catra and Adora still have a few things left to talk about.

With everything at peace, Glimmer suggests they return to Bright Moon and celebrate. They avoid the castle and camp out at the edge of the Whispering Woods, and everybody scrambles to put something together. Micah conjures a fire. Perfuma, Scorpia and Frosta forage the woods for berries, and Glimmer takes Bow and teleports back to the castle to prepare something a little heartier. Entrapta wanders off with Hordak not long after they arrive, and Mermista and Sea Hawk take care of the immediate fallout with the clones so that they don’t have to worry about it.

No one lets Adora do a thing, even though she insists several times that she wants to. Every time she tries, Spinerella shoots out a gust of air that turns her right around, and Netossa threatens to trap her with a net. Catra gets a kick out of watching it all go down.

The party isn’t anything elaborate. For the most part, they mainly sit around the fire and just share stories. Thoughts. Ideas on how to rebuild and recover and learn. Adora doesn’t let go of Catra’s hand, not once. She stays by her side and laughs at the jokes, shares her own ideas.

At some point, Catra excuses herself for some air. Between all of the tears, and the hope, and the laughter, she finds her throat going thick and is unable to breathe. Melog follows, and Adora calls out to her to hurry back soon, lest Bow start singing again.

Finally alone, Catra wanders. She strays into the woods that once scared her, searching for refuge. Thoughts have been plaguing her for the better part afternoon. Not sappy, tearful thoughts like the ones shared between the rebellion. Loud thoughts. Painful thoughts. Catra needs some time to process them, without all the added noise of the party.

“You get it, don’t you?” Catra says to Melog as she nestles herself on the grass. Melog presses their head to the palm on her hand. They do. She doesn’t say much to them after that. In the silence, her thoughts run wild, eager for attention.

She isn’t alone for long, though. Melog gets to their feet and leaves Catra, so she knows that Adora’s here. Catra lifts her head from atop her knees, her tail swinging slightly back and forth as Adora comes up beside her, carrying a plate of sweets in her hands. “What are you doing?”

“Eating dessert.”

“No, like, here. What are you doing here, with me?” Catra grimaces at how bitter the words sound outside the context of her mind; she isn’t bitter, or upset. Not in the least. “I mean, I thought everyone would be kind of all over She-Ra, wanting to celebrate and stuff,” she adds, quick as she can. She doesn’t want Adora to think she’s reverted.

“They are.” Adora takes a seat beside her, butterfly-style, and sets the plate to the side. “But you were gone for a while, so I went looking for you. And well, here I am,” she concludes, tilting her head to the side so she can better look at Catra. “Are you partied out?”

Catra collapses back on the grass, staring up into the night sky. “Something like that. It’s a nice celebration, though. You should go back.”

“Nah. To tell you the truth, I’m exhausted,” Adora admits with a shaky chuckle. “Which is weird, you know? After everything, I just got this rush of energy. I felt like I could do anything. But now… now it feels like I’ve been run over by a tank, and all I want to do is sleep.”

“Me too.” The exhaustion has been nibbling at Catra’s stomach for hours, now. Like Adora, when the dust settled, she couldn’t stop smiling. With Adora holding onto her hand, she felt like she could take on the world. It didn’t take long for her thoughts to start ruining things. A crisp breeze comes through and ruffles her fur, and she takes a deep breath. “Not just yet, though.”

“You look like you’re lost in thought. Something on your mind?” Adora pauses, and laughs. “Sorry, that’s a dumb question. After the day we’ve had…” she trails off, blowing out some air.

Catra shakes her head, keeping her eyes away from the stars in the sky. “I’m okay.”

“Hey.” Adora takes her hand. “Don’t do that, don’t close up. Talk to me.”

The words are so innocent, so simple. Talk to her. As if it’s the easiest thing in the world. A few hours ago, it was. Catra had felt like everything was different, that it would all be clean, and fun, and easy. That was before she let her insecurities take over. She always finds a way to ruin everything good, why should this be any different?

Still. She has to try.

After a deep breath, she tears her gaze away from the sky and looks down. First to their hands, and then to Adora’s face. “You said you loved me,” Catra forces herself to say, even though every instinct in her body yells at her to hold it in. “Why?”

Adora’s eyes narrow in confusion. “What do you mean, why?”

“I mean…” Catra’s ears tilt downwards and she huffs in frustration. Yesterday, she might have shoved everything down and walked away from it all. So much has changed since then. She doesn’t want to go back to the way she was before, so Catra forces herself up from the grass and turns towards Adora. “I want to say some stuff. It’s been sitting on my chest all day, and I want to tell you. I do. I’m just…” She looks down at their hands again and swallows. “I’m scared.”

“Horde Prime is gone,” Adora says, caressing Catra’s knuckles with her thumb. “You don’t have to be scared, anymore. He isn’t going to hurt you, not ever again.”

“It’s not him I’m scared of. It’s this,” Catra confesses, her voice cracking. “Us.”  

The worry lines on Adora’s brow appear as her perplexed look deepens. “You’re scared of us? I… don’t understand. We love each other. What’s there to be scared of?”

Catra makes an attempt to start several sentences in response, but none of them come to fruition. The words lodge in her throat each time she tries. She pinches her temple with the hand that isn’t holding Adora’s and tries to calm the frantic thumping of her heart. Adora’s going to hate her. She’s going to think she made it all up, and leave her, and—

“It’s okay,” Adora breathes. She places her other hand on Catra’s thigh, giving it a warm squeeze. “You can tell me. Take your time.”

With Adora’s blessing, Catra does just that. She can hear the faint sound of Bow’s guitar and what she can only assume is some type of accordion playing in the distance. The party must have calmed down a bit. Focusing on something else, something other than the choking feeling in her throat, helps her breathe again.

Once her words have returned to her, Catra takes a deep inhale and looks in Adora’s eyes. “I want to try something. I want to say my piece, and I don’t want you to say anything until I’m done.” She laughs nervously to herself. “Because if you do, I… I don’t think I’ll be able to push myself and say everything I need to.”

Adora nods and pulls her knees to her chest. “Of course. I’m here.”

“So… today happened. We said we loved each other, and we kissed. It was incredible,” Catra begins, her tail curling up by her side. “And everything I said today, it was true. I do love you, I love you so much that my heart jumps out of my chest just about every time I look at you. But never, not once, did I think there was a possibility that you could love me back.”

Catra buries a hand in the grass, refusing to let herself pull at the blades. Instead, she sets her palm on the ground and lets the energy of Etheria ground her. “Because how could you, you, love someone like me?” she continues. Adora is silent, beside her. She waits for her to cut in, to say something, but she never does. “Don’t you remember everything I’ve done? All the pain I’ve caused…” Her stomach lurches as she thinks about it. Salineas, in ruins at her very hand. All the people she’s hurt, physically, mentally. Entrapta. Glimmer.

“Glimmer’s mom is gone because of me,” she rasps, her voice hardly above a whisper. “Glimmer told me, when we were on Horde Prime’s ship. And I almost destroyed Etheria. So I just… can’t wrap my mind around how you could ever love me back. I’m not worth loving. Not yet.”

Adora grips her hand tighter, and she moves to say something, but Catra shakes her head and stops her. “I meant what I said, on the ship. I’m done hurting people. I want to be better, I want to be a person worthy of your love.” She narrows her eyes in determination. “I’ll help rebuild Salineas, and I’ll talk with Perfuma and learn to work out my issues. I’ll let Scorpia hug me, and… and I’ll even let Frosta deck me again, if she wants to.”

She means to finish here, but Adora stays quiet. Another breeze wafts in Catra’s face and gives her goosebumps that only intensify the cold pit in her stomach. It’s not enough. She has to do more. “Tell me what else I can do,” she all but pleads. “I’ll do it. I’ll do just about anything to prove to you that I’ll change, and become someone you’ll be proud to love.”

More silence.

Catra lets go of Adora’s hand and buries both of hers underneath her thighs. She can’t let her see them shaking. If Adora feels bad for her, she might forgive her. Catra doesn’t want it to be that easy. Melog sidles up next to her and nudges her arm until she forfeits a hand and wraps it around their head. It helps.

“I’m done,” Catra exhales. “Please say something.”

Adora doesn’t. Not right away, at least. She stares ahead, arms wrapped around her knees, her mouth in a hard line. Melog leaves Catra and shifts attention to Adora, wandering over and plopping down by her feet, mewling softly. Finally, the hard line dissolves into a tender smile, and she scratches Melog’s head. “Now who’s being the idiot?” she asks, turning to look at Catra.

“What?”

“You heard me.” Satisfied with the scratches, Melog closes their eyes and relaxes by Adora’s feet, allowing her to put her full attention on Catra. “Now it’s my turn to talk, okay?”

Catra nods.

“You act like you’re the only one who’s made mistakes,” Adora reveals with a sad smile. “I’ve made them too. I have so many regrets, Catra. I don’t belong on such a high pedestal, or any pedestal at all.”

“But—”

“No, my turn,” Adora reminds. “I’m not going to excuse the things you’ve done in the past. They were bad. It makes me really happy to hear that you want to keep taking steps to fix things. I’ve seen you trying, and I’m so proud of you.” Catra’s breath hitches in her throat as Adora reaches for her hand again. Once she has it, Adora presses it tight with both her hands. It’s a warm feeling, one that Catra never wants to end. “I meant what I said before, at the Heart of Etheria. I love you. You don’t have to convince me, or prove anything. I want you now, as you are.”

The way Adora says those words, it sounds so clear. Effortless. As if the thoughts that had caused Catra such agony for hours are completely unsubstantiated.

“It can’t be that easy.”

Adora takes Catra’s hand and places it on her cheek, smiling fondly. “Why can’t it?”

This time, it’s Catra who’s unable to respond. She can’t even allow herself to enjoy the feeling of Adora’s cheek in her palm. Didn’t Adora hear her, before? Why is she being so calm, so blasé about it all?

“I can see what you’re thinking, you know.”

Catra snatches her hand away and blushes. “No, you can’t. Shut up.”

“Sure I can. It’s written all over your face.” Brazenly, Adora pushes herself to her knees and takes Catra’s face in her hands before kissing her swiftly. Catra squeaks in surprise, the blush deepening. The spark is there, just as it was before. Adora’s lips are still soft, and they taste sweet, like everything she imagined. After a few moments, Adora pulls away and grins. “Stop thinking. Do you love me?”

“Yes,” Catra answers without a second of hesitation.

“Great. I love you, too. Can we go to bed now?”

“You go ahead.” Despite the weariness that hangs heavy on her body, Catra doesn’t want to leave just yet. If she goes with Adora, she accepts that everything is normal and they move on. The thing is, she doesn’t accept it. Not just yet.

Adora pouts, catching on. While out of tune with her own feelings, she’s pretty good at deciphering Catra’s. On a surface level, at least. She holds out her hand for Catra to take. “Come here.”

The invite is too tempting for Catra to resist, so she takes Adora’s hand and allows her to gently tug her into her lap.  Almost immediately, her frantic nerves and restless thoughts start to calm. Adora’s hold is warm and strong, and for the first time, there’s no potential threat looming over their heads. No more Shadow Weaver, or Horde Prime to think about. Just them.

“Today was scary,” Adora says, squeezing Catra’s thigh as she talks. “I almost… we almost…” she bites her lip and shakes her head. “But we didn’t. You helped me save the world.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Stop.” Adora grabs her chin, forcing Catra to look at her. “Stop minimizing yourself. You said you loved me and that brought me back. You helped me save Etheria. Catra, you did everything.”

Catra clenches her jaw to stop the tears, but her eyes well up anyway. Not once, in all of her thinking, did she consider it from that angle.

“We can sit here, and pick apart the past few years until we’re both broken on the inside, but I really don’t want to.” Adora strokes Catra’s chin with her thumb, a feeling so soft that Catra isn’t entirely sure that she’s awake. It doesn’t feel real. “I’m done living in the past. We can’t change anything that’s happened. All we can do is try to do better, and move forward.”

“I want that, too. More than anything,” Catra mumbles, craning her head closer to Adora as she starts scratching behind her ear. The purring that follows is immediate, and loud. She’s content like this. “It’s just hard, I guess. I’ve been thinking this way for so long, even when you said you loved me… I don’t know, I don’t think I let myself believe it.”

Adora chuckles, changing the position of her hand so she’s scratching under Catra’s jaw with a tenderness the feline hasn’t felt in years. “Do you believe me, now?”

“I think I’m starting to. What if I mess it up, though?”

“You won’t. We might make mistakes, and it’ll probably take time for us to figure out how to do this—”

“A lot of time,” Catra cuts in. “There wasn’t exactly a relationships course in the Horde.”

“How would you know? It’s not like you actually attended the courses,” Adora teases, yelping when Catra shoves her with her elbow.

“Whatever. All I’m saying is yeah, I agree.”

“Good.”

Catra expects Adora to pull her up and ask her to come to bed again, but she doesn’t. They just sit there, in the peacefulness of the Whispering Woods, taking it all in. She doesn’t know about Adora, but she can spend forever like this. She wants to spend forever like this, with her.

“Hey, Adora?”

“Yeah?”

“I like this,” Catra says, looking down at her fingers. “Us, I mean.”

Adora looks down at her and nods, pushing some hair out of Catra’s eyes. “Me too.” With a content sigh, she makes herself more comfortable in the grass, holding Catra tighter. “I didn’t even know how long I’ve been waiting for this. I know things are going to be crazy as we start to rebuild Etheria, and then we have that interplanetary road trip to plan… but, for now, I want to just focus on us. To hold you, and kiss you, and make up for lost time.”

“Only us?” Catra asks, moving her hands to cup Adora’s face. 

“Yeah. I want to be happy with you. Can we try that?”

Catra’s purring grows louder. She leans forward and kisses Adora, just like she did in the Heart. The rest of the world falls away, and she sees what Adora means. It’s just the two of them there, and nobody else. “We can.” She leans her head on Adora’s shoulder, closing her eyes. “I think I’m ready for sleep, now.”

“Well don’t fall asleep on me.”

Her eyes closed, Catra smirks. “Why? You’ll carry me.”

“Will not.” Without ceremony, Adora tosses her to the floor, instinctively backing away as Catra hisses.

“I hate you.”

With a wink, Adora turns around and starts heading back. “No, you don’t. You love me,” she teases with a sing-song voice.

Right. This is so going to become a thing, and it’s going to annoy Catra until the end of time. But because it’s true, she can’t be too angry. So instead she just catches up to Adora and slings an arm around her. “Guess I do. But you’re still an idiot.”

“I know.”

That line will grow old, too, but Catra has time to think of some better ones. Plenty of time.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 268: Please Don’t Tap on the Glass

Previously on BnHA: Dabi revealed his true identity to Hawks! His real name is actually [sound of semi truck horns blaring]. What’s that? You didn’t hear me? I said it’s [sound of dolphins chattering]. You really need to listen better. Anyway, so Dabi set Hawks on fire a bunch of times, and Hawks had some flashbacks indicating that Endeavor saved him when he was a small child, and just when it was starting to look like we might get our second tragic death chapter in a row, Tokoyami showed up to defend his mentor! Meanwhile in Jakku, Miruko remembered that even though kicking ass is fun and she’s really good at it, she still had a job to do, so she sped off toward Ujiko’s little hideaway, getting stabbed and impaled a bunch of times along the way and losing an ear and shit (I very much look forward to the cyberpunk robot-limbed Miruko 2.0 that we had better fucking get once this arc is over). Fortunately Endeavor showed up to help her out! Anyway, so absolutely no one was talking about this last week, but the chapter totally ended with Miruko about to bust open Tomura’s bacta tank with a badass roundhouse kick, so, uh. Shit might be about to go down you guys.

Today on BnHA: Shit does indeed go down, but at a very languid pace. Ujiko apparently built Tomura’s holding tank out of Nokia phones and kevlar, so even though Miruko gets a few good kicks in, she ultimately doesn’t do more than just crack it. So now the tank is just standing there leaking ominously while Ujiko sobs for no reason and we all ponder whether or not a 75%-charged Tomura will be any less doom-harbinging than the full-fledged deal. In the meantime we’ve got Girl Noumu thinking strategic thoughts and chucking acid at peeps; Crust still doing absolutely nothing; Endeavor not doing that much better to be honest; and Mic and Aizawa ready and raring to go kill the old man who turned their dead buddy into a sentient Einstein-Rosen bridge. Obviously I’m all in favor of this last bit, but I’m also on team “Mic and Aizawa not dying horribly” though, so. I do have some concerns here.

full disclosure, I’m very sleep-deprived for various reasons related to various things which can be broadly summed up as Just 2020 In General. so anyway, I’m dealing with it, but I’ve noticed that my rate of typos and errors and such has shot waaaaay up in this past week or so, so I’m just putting that out there that you may find some weird shit in this post! maybe I will write the same sentence maybe I will write the same sentence multiple times, or or the same word twice in a row by mistake, or use the completely wrong word. you are more than welcome to point this out and I will not take any offense and will indeed be grateful because I’ve apparently gone blind to it all! anyway so how are you I hope everyone is well

anyway! the chapter is early (god for all I know it’s been out for hours already. HOW FAR BEHIND AM I) so I’m recapping it early so that I will have more time to play Animal Crossing and fish and craft all of my troubles away. speaking of which Horikoshi, you had better not bring me any troubles this week, I am not in the mood do you hear

good fucking lord

is all of that Miruko’s blood??!? god, she’s even better at bleeding than everyone else. now hold up all you excited vampires, you all can get in line, I was here first

by the way Endeavor, I gave you a pass last week because your entrance was so fucking raw and you saved my girl’s life and that was really neat my man. but now that I’ve recovered from my shock and awe and am ready to be sarcastic once more, I just want to say... welcome to the party, guy. did you stop for drive-thru on your commute from the other side of the planet. were you simply not immune to the bizarre 5th dimensional time-stands-still effects of March 2020. are you curious at all how your son has changed during these past 20 years, and by “son” I am referring not to Dabi, but Shouto. are you looking forward to meeting all of Shouto’s children. are you excited to be a granddad. anyway thank you so fucking much for finally making your way down to this lair with all the speed and haste of a federal appeals process

and I see Crust is still fighting this guy after six decades

(ETA: I would be more upset about the scan quality here, but let’s face it, nobody actually cares about seeing this in HD. I’m sorry Crust.)

and we’re really expected to believe this is the very next ranked hero below Miruko. could it be that the hero ranking system is actually flawed. don’t tell me. I’m just as shocked as you are

seriously??

are we really going to stop and chat with Geriatric Hero: Crust over here. really. far be it from me to tell you how to do your job, Number One. but I’m just saying, I’m pretty sure he does still have... let’s just check... one... two... yep, two arms. not that I’m saying your system for prioritizing which of your fellow heroes to help out should be based off of the number of arms they have. but also I am saying that

OH SONNY BOY

is that a two-page panel of Aizawa Hatake Kakashi Shouta and his loyal husband Screaming Man leaping into the fray to take on some high end Noumus with their bad and sexy selves. I think that’s exactly what it is. are we blessed or are we blessed. Aizawa I’m pleased to see you haven’t aged a day and are looking just as fine as ever in this the year 2045

oh wow Endeavor I thought you had incinerated it

why wouldn’t you incinerate it. please incinerate it. did you not learn your lesson. please don’t start taking your cues from Dilly Dally Hero: Crust over here

oh wow

and yet Miruko was kicking all of their asses like they were made of plywood. really though guys. only number five. okay

Aizawa’s shouting that he wasn’t able to erase that last Noumu who was impaling Miruko because his vision was obstructed. that’s okay Aizawa, that’s why Endeavor is hopefully about to incinerate him

oh snap here we go

again, one has to wonder what kinds of interactions with rabbits Horikoshi has had in his troubled young life so as to influence his writing of Miruko’s quirk in such a way. did you at some point get rabbits confused with... I don’t even know. polar bears?! not that I’m fucking complaining holy shit

anyway, so just a friendly reminder that if Miruko dies here I will in fact push the button which triggers the hidden ejector seat built into Horikoshi’s office chair. he will be missed. but he had a good run

ho lyyyyyyy shit

so... Miruko I love you but... then why would you break the fucking vat apart with your moon-powered legs. Miruko. Miruko are you listening. oh shit she’s missing an ear I forgot. oh shit. oh shit

MIRUKO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU JUST KICK THE BALD MAN IN THE LAB COAT INSTEAD goddammit well it’s been nice knowing y’all

well then. so this is happening. this is really happening. at least she saved us all from having to face the 100%-charged world-ending Tomura somewhere down the line. instead all we have to do is face the 74%-charged Tomura right fucking now. so that’s. ...I wonder how Tokoyami is doing

holy shit!

leave it to Girl Noumu to be the smart one. for a minute I thought maybe Ujiko had given her Ragdoll’s long-lost quirk. but then I realized that this isn’t a quirk at all, this is just her being smart and using her Big Noumu Brain. anyway so I’m preemptively sorry for having to root against you, Girl Noumu

so now she’s pondering how to disable Aizawa’s quirk. meanwhile I just remembered that we haven’t seen her quirk yet I think. please let it be something good

oh snap she ran away and made it out of Aizawa’s sight range oh fuck

the fuck is up with this thicc fucking Girl Noumu page I can’t tell wtf is going on

LOL OH SHIT

NOT TO WORRY GUYS SHE’S JUST SHOOTING BIG GIANT GLOBS OF ACID AT EVERYONE. can anyone tell if Endeavor has incinerated this Noumu yet down in the middle panel on the left. what is the fucking holdup

and now there’s a big double page of Miruko shattering Tomura’s Noumu Vat, and I can’t quite tell, but it looks like her eyes might be rolling back in a way which I decidedly do not like

(ETA: nah on closer inspection we’re good.)

didn’t she just do this like four pages ago. and how the hell did Tomura suddenly jump from 74% to 75% in like .2 seconds

oh thank god she’s still awake. but now she’s being dragged back now by the Noumu’s bone appendage things because Endeavor SERIOUSLY CANNOT GET HIS FUCKING ACT TOGETHER LONG ENOUGH TO FUCKING LIGHT ITS BRAIN TO ASHES ALREADY, LIKE SERIOUSLY THOUGH. WHAT HAPPENED TO ALL OF THAT TALK ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING FAST AND THE DIFFERENCE A SPLIT SECOND MAKES

Miruko if we make it out of this alive, I’m promoting you to number one. Fatgum will be number two. the only two pro heroes in this arc who have actually impressed me at all. shame on the rest of you. shame

so now somehow or some way Miruko is being flung into Endeavor at the speed of light

I don’t understand this at all. did the Noumu retract those bone whips back into its body superfast while dragging Miruko back with them and somehow it managed to avoid being hit by her projectile body but Endeavor took the impact straight on. this doesn’t make any kind of sense to me with my admittedly rudimentary understanding of physics. but then again it is a fucking manga so I’m not about to call NASA and ask them if this could really happen. so this was a waste of a paragraph I guess!! my bad!!

swear to god this is like the fifth panel of Ujiko just screaming. please just stop. what do you have to be worried about anyway? although if Tomura suddenly went crazy upon awakening and just straight up killed you for no reason, that sure would be delightful! that wouldn’t happen, though. or would it

WHAT IS THIS FUCKING FISH TANK MADE OF

IS THIS A TUBE OF GLASS OR A FUCKING FALLOUT SHELTER

ENDEAVOR I’M GLAD YOU’RE CONCERNED ABOUT MIRUKO BECAUSE I AM TOO, AND ALSO IT’S ALWAYS NICE TO SEE THAT YOU DO HAVE A HEART, BUT ALSO MAYBE JUST LEAVE HER FOR NOW THOUGH, SERIOUSLY??

though on the other hand it’s already too late to stop this inevitable tide, so maybe at this point they should all just get the fuck out of there instead. at least Miruko did her fucking job and saved you all from having to face the invincible unstoppable version. that’ll be a real comfort to everyone when he’s out laying waste to the countryside, I’m sure. but still

-- oh no

the boys heard that. listen you guys, I want Ujiko to die as much as anyone, but I’m gonna need you to not go anywhere near Shigaraki fucking Tomura now or ever. please. do you hear me?? you two still have both of your ears goddammit I want some acknowledgement

-- NO!!!

(ETA: is that. a fucking Tomura dialogue bubble. something stirs in the east. a sleepless malice. the eyes of the enemy are moving.)

THE MANGA GIVETH AND THE MANGA TAKETH AWAY nooooo from 20 pages last week back down to the usual 17. I got spoiled. I expected too much. sob

so now we settle in to wait two weeks to see if Mic’s piercing tones can shatter this fucking adamantium tank like a wine glass. I’m not sure I’m ready for the Noumuraki Tomuracalpse you guys. then again by this point I’m braced for just about anything though so bring it

[umbrellasource]

my thoughts on season 2

or rather, a list of things i didn’t like about it and a few things i did. spoiler warning, of course :~)

hello friends, thank you for joining me on my journey to convince the world to hate season 2 - I’M KIDDING LOL i liked season 2, but there are quite a few things i wasn’t that happy with and i’m going to cry about them like a baby now.

1. my second biggest disappoint with this season... NO HAZEL!!! i’m devastated!!!! i absolutely love hazel’s character and the depth cameron britton brought to the role.. i can’t believe they killed him so quickly :( maybe cameron had other work commitments but man i’m so sad. i seriously felt the lack of his presence this season and it was a dynamic that was sorely missed imo. the swedes could never.

2. the plot moved slower than i’d like. season 1 was very well paced, it felt non-stop, and like they were always working towards a goal, moving somewhere. some parts of season 2 felt slow or like things had come to a standstill and we were just watching them live rather than seeing them work towards something. which is fine if that’s what you’re into, but for me i think TUA works best when it’s GOGOGO like in season 1, and when it wasn’t, we had really intimate character moments, which i felt season 2 lacked.

3. the music didn’t hit as hard :( when i think of season 1 i can immediatley name a multitude of iconic scenes with the soundtrack - five murdering everyone in the doughnut shop, the bowling alley fight, i think we’re alone now OF COURSE, the slowmo montage to all die young, hazel and chacha burning the prosthetics building, gerard’s cover of happy together, five walking through the apocalypse to noel gallagher, run boy run, etcetcetc. those all just came off the top of my head. when thinking about season 2 i can only name two scenes off the top of my head (frank sinatra and backstreet boys). which is pretty sad.

4. the characterisation felt weaker overall. it didn’t feel as complex or deep whereas i felt season 1 really delved into each character and explored them a lot more. they all felt slightly watered down, especially luther, oh my god!! they turned him into a characeture whose only purpose is to eat a lot of food and pull silly faces. that was really disappointing. i’d hoped we’d get some scenes with him where he’d discuss all the pressure put on him by their dad, the guilt he feels for screwing up, insecurity etc. the scene with him and five in the club only scratched the surface. plus, allison only mentioned her daughter two times? it was really bizarre to me, it literally seemed like she’d forgotten about her. and speaking of forgetting family members... 

5. why does nobody give a shit about ben. i’m fuMING. they all saw ben in the season 1 finale and then they didn’t even care to mention him other than five asking if ben was there once, only once the family were all back together mind you, and when klaus said no, none of them even questioned it. despite the fact that klaus very clearly is talking/bickering with a spirit in front of them several times. none of the are like ‘uuhh klaus are you talking to ben or like...’ and that is really goddamn sad. ben deserved so much better.

6. ben’s arc in general! this is my biggest disappointment with this season. personally i’d really hoped they’d go the route that klaus would learn to control his powers and manifest ben in the real world for limited periods of time, like when ben punched him in the face or when ben pulled klaus and diego out from under the falling roof of the academy. and then eventually, when the show ended, ben could ~move on~ and go to the afterlife after being able to spend time with his family. but nooo. he’s back to being invisible, uncared about, forgotten and miserable. i like that they let him possess klaus for a bit and experience the world again, that was nice. though when it turned out klaus had already slept with his crush and she called him d*ddy i did my bigget sigh ever. and he’s just gone now. he doesn’t even get to go to heaven. he’s just. nothing. and vanya is the only one who even acknowledged it (other than klaus obviously). i swear to god, if season 3 doesn’t do a scene where klaus ~dies~ for a bit and goes to the afterlife again and sees ben there, i will RIOT. 

7. didn’t much like klaus’ storyline this season either. the cult thing was a bit weird and wasn’t done in the way i’d expected them to do it at all. i thought klaus would be a lot more sombre and serious this season too without the drugs to distract him, but he still acted high and Quirky the whole time, which is a shame, i’d love to have seen some more depth added to his character. plus, i thought he took the drugs because the ghosts were always bothering him.. we literally didn’t see any other than ben. also the stuff with dave was... Not Good. the kid they cast as dave had zero chemistry with klaus/robert, and he looked super young so it was.. kind of weird to see klaus be all like I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. and i don’t think it even went anywhere. it just seemed pointless to me.

8. i felt like the fallout from the previous season was really glossed over. like vanya just forgot everything and everyone else is kinda like *shrugs* ah well. idk man i feel like there would’ve been a much bigger emotional cost and internal turmoil than there was. 

9. i hated the ending. sorry. it felt really ~generic superhero story~, as did the siblings vs commission thing in the last episode, which TUA isn’t supposed to be. and emo ‘ben’ made me cringe gfhjskkdfj. plus the oopsy we did a timeline fucky thing is getting a lil old now but whatever. plus the sparrow academy means a bunch of new characters which means screentime will get even more split from the main siblings, which i don’t want. 

so yeah.. i have some gripes with season 2. that said....

i did like some things!! i loved vanya having a female love interest, hell yeah. i loved five meeting old five, their dynamic was really fun and the dude who played old five was great, i feel like he really delivered his lines the same way aidan does. lila was cool too, i really liked the actress, she did great. seeing the siblings get closer was really nice too. 

overall, i’d give the season a 6.5/10, so yeah, i did still enjoy it!!! i just don’t think it was as good as season 1, by quite a long way, and i have some things i didn’t like. feel free to disagree with me tho, i’m just a big dumb idiot. and thanks for reading :~)

[toooldforfandom-liveblogs]

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power S02E05 - White Out

White Out makes me think of snow and blizzards but Google is telling me that it's also the name for the liquid used to fix mistakes when people wrote with pen on paper. Y'know, prehistory. So. It could be something related to Frosta or it could be someone trying to tape over a mistake? Or maybe both. Or none of those at all. I don't know, so let's do this!

This explains why neither of these two appeared in the previous episode. Apparently they are in... a mountain? Or one of the planet's poles?

When the... "beast" attacked the Best Friends Squad back in the first episode of the first season, I really thought they'd be more prevalent that they'd been. I think the horse has done more damage through the show than the local wildlife.

It makes sense that they'd mostly ignore that threat considering the focus of the show has been firmly in the confrontation between The Horde and The Rebellion, but now that Catra and Entrapta seem to be alone in the snow... what a perfect opportunity for a winter horror episode plot.

Hey, I think I already watched this episode! They are going to find an iceberg with a glowing kid inside.

Well, that's a coat.

They burned down and sank to the bottom of the ocean, Bow. Haven't you learned anything about Seahawk?

Yeah, have to agree, Fire would have been a better fate.

The only man in the entire alliance with a boat.

It's always surprising when a cartoon character shows up with different clothes because it's so uncommon.

oh no my continuity theories

I'll forgive the wonky eyes this time because they are very appropriate.

SCORPIA IS ASKING CATRA OUT IN A DATE.

To think all that effort and cute bumbling is being wasted on Catra.

oooh, evil virus shard is back

I'm not sure why that's a surprise.

I was hoping she wouldn't mention that tiny tidbit of info but nope. And I doubt Catra is going to have any doubts about using it

But She-Ra didn't lose her powers, she lost them because they had to take out the sword from her hands before she continued her rampage. Is the monster of this winter horror movie actually going to be She-Ra? Because I want to watch that. Good characters turned evil are always fun.

Also Scorpia being the protagonist of her own romcom is also very good.

no

Every time Sea Hawks appears I fear it'll be the episode where he starts getting annoying but nope, still great.

Now I'm thinking that Catra is going to disable She-Ra with the murder-virus and immediately after they'll all get attacked by a snow monster. Because, y'know, Catra can't win.

...I can't take them seriously when most of them look like marshmallows.

Adora's biggest character development moment in this show will be when she realizes that chasing Catra is always a bad idea.

There goes my theory from last episode that Scorpia didn't want to kill Glimmer. Dead, like Glimmer.

She's already falling to her death, there's no reason to stress over some creepy monster eyes.

sending thoughts and prayers

First meeting in person! I expected more from everyone else but I guess they are busy.

You know the writers have done a good job with a character when you hear something like that and you go "yup, that's entrapta"

Welp, now she'll have the guts to murder Catra. Unless she drops the sword.

As awesome as I hoped.

Catra right now.

I was thinking that this episode seemed to be moving a bit fast since they were already fighting a third into the episode but the teams separating could be interesting. I wish one of the "bad guys" was falling with them though, that dynamic is always fun.

She says, seconds before Mad She-Ra turns and notices them there.

And Entrapta is loving it, of course.

This could have some interesting consequences, if it shows Catra that she can only win against She-Ra because Adora can't avoid going easy on her. Catra knows this deep down, she even takes advantage of it but that doesn't mean that it wouldn't hurt her pride to actually lose.

"puny cat"

On one hand I'm loving this. On the other, I'm worried because the biggest reason why Adora feels so overwhelmed is because according to Light Hope, Mara went crazy and did a bunch of bad stuff. What if Adora starts feeling guilty about what's happening here? But, the virus could also provide an alternate explanation for Mara's rampage (if she indeed went crazy instead of just acting against Light Hope's orders because of attachment~)

what... what did you think she was?

Catra, excelling at shoving down traumatic experiences and hiding them with a devil-may-care attitude since... I dunno, how old is she again?

that's not good

Noo, don't destroy the murder-virus.

I'm glad they are actually talking about this possibility because it was the first thing that came to my mind after the episode the virus appeared. It's such a Catra plan.

Of course, the fact that they are talking about it probably means it won't happen, unless they are setting up the season finale early?

Is Scorpia going to get jealous and set Adora free?

I was starting to get a bit eye-rolly at Sea Hawk's weird issues but the shanty brought him back to awesome. Really walking the knife's edge with him.

I love angry hulking out She-Ra but Drunk Adora is the best side effect of that virus.

oh my god

You can see Scorpia's soul leaving her body.

Adora, the dignified and elegant owner of the sword of protection.

She did need a break

I don't know, Scorpia doesn't seem to be in the closet about anything.

Oh no, she's turning into the worst type of drunk: the weepy drunk

The monsters have been in the background of every fight scene, that's the opposite of a twist!

An example of how well this show nails the characters's expressions.

And one more. I complain sometimes about the animation and the wonky eyes but these jokes show how the animators can do a lot with very little.

Sadly, childhood friends always win, the one trope to beat them all.

I didn't sign up for Scorpia feels.

I didn't see this coming at all. Of course the two joke characters would empathize with each other.

WHY WOULD YOU TELL THAT TO ENTRAPTA? You're just giving her more ideas.

Light Hope did mention how everything in Etheria was part of their system. Does that include the fauna?

This is weirdly heartwarming.

getting real

That was way cuter than I expected. Nothing like getting some validation from a drunk lady to reboot their self-esteem.

They are getting slightly better about this but they still like some drastic mood swings between scenes.

Adora should always be drunk.

Can't wait for the fourth season episode where Adora struggles with her addiction to the virus, the one thing that lets her forget about her worries in a world consumed by war.

And now it's back to heavy. Does she save Catra, risking her anger? Or keep the disk? I think she's is going to destroy the disk, it's the right thing to do for Catra even if she can't see it right now, and that's the type of character Scorpia seems to be.

Wow, I didn't expect this. Catra is seeing Scorpia for the first time.

Right there with you, Sea Hawk.

Look at Scorpia's face! Look at her! She's so happy!

I'm not sure if it's because I haven't watched She-Ra in so long but this is the first episode I remember feeling long. Not in a bad way, it's not like I couldn't wait for it to end, but it's the first time that made me think "huh, only X minutes in." Part of it is probably because the first third/half felt like it could have been an early season 1 episode, with a setup, some chatting and a fight. Then the turn happened and it switched to something more complex.

The conversation between Sea Hawk and Scorpia was cute and wholesome, and I'm glad they both found someone who could understand them, but I'm not 100% happy with Scorpia's resolution to she won't leave Catra. It was very... I'm not sure how to explain it without making it sound way more problematic than I actually think it is. It shifts the responsibility about Catra treating her like crap to Scorpia.

It did work out by the end when she actually stood up to Catra and did what she thought was best, so maybe I'm worrying about nothing.

I'm somewhat sad by the death of the virus as a plot device, I liked the idea of the plan Catra had for a Mad She-Ra rampaging through the rebellion but at least we got a brief glimpse of what could happen. Curiously enough we didn't get to see the fallout for Adora so I hope it doesn't get glossed over the next episode. Losing control like that was a big deal last season and it should still be considering all the new baggage Adora is dealing now.

It was a great episode, it went places I didn't expect it to go and the show keeps building up the characters in interesting ways. Only two episodes left! Until next time!

[bumble-lee3]

Not what it seems

Summary: semi- Ron Weasley x gender neutral!reader (it never really goes anywhere). When Ron goes to a muggle school to learn new things, he had no idea what to expect. He definitely didn’t expect y/n. A late entry for @can-youimagine ‘s Disney write-a-thon that I wrote instead of doing my drama assignment. Also, I don’t think I’ve ever written this many words for fun.

Word count: 1357

Warnings: kinda a rushed ending, nothing else I can think of

Prompt: And you’re watching Disney channel - something inspired by your favourite Disney channel show/movie (wizards of waverley place)

On Ronald Weasley’s first day at a muggle school, he was extremely uncomfortable. He was the new kid, he didn’t know anybody, he had gotten lost three times within the first hour, and most importantly, Ronald Weasley was not allowed to use magic. The thought of not being able to do any magic for fear of exposing the wizarding world was almost impossible to face after seeing people use magic every day of his life so far.

His one saving grace was being allowed, after much argument with his mother, to bring his wand with him on the condition that he hid it in his clothes.

Actually, scratch that, he had two saving graces. The other, though he would not know until just before lunch, was another student from one of his classes, something called ‘kalkulas’.

Y/n was undoubtedly the most notable student in the class, with an outlandish and eccentric style of clothing, jewellery that would practically blind anyone unlucky enough to be caught in the reflection of the harsh classroom lights, and a tendency to say whatever thought came to them no matter the audience or potential consequences.

The first instance of this barely registered to Ron. He was too consumed in trying to grasp any concepts more complex than simple multiplication and division (Hermione had helped him with the basics of math). Nevertheless, the professor - no, they’re just teachers in the muggle world- had made a mistake, and y/n had taken it upon themself to point it out and give the correct answer. No big deal, right? Right.

The real trouble came with the third instance of y/n’s tendency to disregard any boundaries of their peers (the second instance was y/n telling a girl in their class named Alex to stop gossiping with her friend). Ron definitely noticed this one. In fact, he wasn’t entirely sure that it was possible for anyone to not notice the moment that y/n pointed out (quite loudly mind you) his ineptitude for maths.

“How on earth did you manage to get that so wrong? I mean, I understand that it’s the first day back, but surely you haven’t forgotten your times’ tables!?” The seemingly shocked questions rang out through the quiet din of chatter that had filled the room, closely followed by muffled snickers from various students as they turned to look at Ron.

As he felt the heat creeping up past his shirt collar, Ron attempted to cover his work from view before turning to y/n and mumbling out an excuse. “I used to go to a school where math was an elective… I only know the basics.” Technically, he hadn’t told a lie. Arithmancy had always sounded boring compared to Care of Magical Creatures and the easy pass of Divination.

Quickly realising Ron’s embarrassment at being called out in front of the class, y/n moved their seat closer to his before replying in a hushed whisper.

“Really? That sounds so cool! But if you didn’t learn maths, what were you learning?”

“Umm, history… cooking,” brewing potions is kind of like cooking, right? “We learnt about caring for animals once we were old enough.” Finding muggle equivalents to Hogwarts classes wasn’t as hard as Ron had thought it would be.

“Oh wow, your old school sounds either really traditional or really modern and I can’t decide which. Either way, I wish I could do classes like that without having to do dumb stuff like calculus. Like, really when am I going to use this?!” Apologising to the surrounding classmates who were quite surprised at the sudden increase of volume, y/n continued questioning Ron. But this question didn’t have such an easy answer. “Which school did you go to?”

What to do, what to do. Ron had three options: lie completely and come up with a random school name (which could easily be disproven), tell the truth that he went to a school for wizards with a boy who saved the world (absolutely not), or give some vague answer that, while it may raise suspicion, would not break the Statute of Secrecy. Ron went with the latter.

“I went to a boarding school in Scotland. And, yeah, I guess you could say that we weren't the most ‘normal’ school, but it’s pretty fun living with all your mates for seven years, so I think that makes up for it.”

“Woah.” Y/n didn’t say anything for a few moments, just sat there contemplating something completely unknown to Ron. He was about to try and fill the silence before they piped up again. “I honestly don’t know how you survived bunking with a bunch of boys all going through puberty at the same time. That sounds like a nightmare.” Ron might have felt offended (hey, he was one of those pubescent boys) if it weren’t for the playful half-grin that y/n was giving him.

“I mean, yeah it was a little bit weird sometimes. I’ve never really thought about it that much before though.”

“Oh god, I have so many questions now. I sincerely hope you’re ready for this.” The grin had grown across y/n’s face, quickly spreading their excitement to Ron as well.

By the time calculus was over, the two were chatting like old friends. They had formed a new friendship, and neither could be happier to have someone else to spend their time with.

~~~

Ronald Weasley hadn’t meant for this to happen, it just did. Well, he hadn’t meant to be caught. But hopefully, it would be okay and y/n wouldn’t hate him. In fact, it might make their friendship even stronger.

Ronald Weasley had just broken the Statute of Secrecy by performing unnecessary magic in front of a muggle.

It was stupid, really. He was only trying to make y/n laugh. His plan was to make Mrs Moss drop the pile of papers she was holding - relashio is a relatively simple spell - without being noticed. Obviously, that last part hadn’t quite gone as planned. And now, Ron had to deal with the fallout.

Taking advantage of the laughing class and the shock that had taken over y/n, Ron quickly whispered that they could talk at the end of the lesson before turning back to his work and ignoring the feeling y/n’s stare burning into his face. The wait was excruciating. The two both spent the entire lesson with scenarios ranging from good to catastrophic racing through their minds.

Y/n was sure that they’d gone crazy. There was no way that plain, funny, awkward Ronald Weasley had made Mrs Moss drop those papers. Because magic didn’t - no, couldn’t - exist as far as y/n was aware. But then why had Ron been waving that stick around? And why had the papers only dropped after he said something? The only reasonable solution was that y/n had officially lost their mind.

But no, that’s not what happened at all according to Ron. But what he said didn’t really sound any more plausible than madness in the beginning.

When the conversation finally came, it was brief and full of disbelief. Ron had pulled y/n over to an empty hallway where he would risk his, and the entire magical world’s, safety with a single interaction; “I’m a wizard. The school I used to go to is a school for wizards, and I can do magic.” He wasn’t entirely sure why he spilt his biggest secret to a muggle he’d only known for a few weeks, but it felt safe. He trusted y/n.

“No. That- that can’t be true.” The shock and confusion across y/n’s face was as plain as day. There had to be another explanation. But what if there wasn’t.

Ron couldn’t bear the look he was being given, y/n had to believe him. “I swear, it is. Let me prove it.” His soft tone dropped to a whisper as a glowing silver Jack Russell Terrier burst forth from his wand, lighting up y/n’s now smiling and awestruck face.

“I believe you Ron. I have so many questions”

[rp-meme-central]

Fallout 4 - more lines from audio clips I found - sentence starters

1. “All right! Let’s go kick some... er... shell.” 

2. “Oh god, put some clothes on, will ya!” 

3. “If my boss says you’re out of business, then I’m taking you down.” 

4. “Don’t get too far ahead of me. I like being close.” 

5. “Should that thing on your wrist be clicking that much?” 

6. “Nice job. But can you do it blindfolded?” 

7. “Holy sh-, we’re rich!” 

8. “Nothing I love more than standing out in the open, waiting to get shot.” 

9. “Hope you’re ready to party. Just scrounged up some liqueur.” 

10. “If I have to walk down more than a few flight of stairs, I’m gonna be pissed.” 

11. “Ooooh. _____ like big boom.” 

12. “Don’t tell me you were shocked when you found out _____’s a ______. That ______ has about as much emotion as a bag of hammers.” 

13. “Hey, have you heard this one? Its about the ______ who wondered why a rock kept getting bigger. And then it hit him.” 

14. “It takes a lot to impress me, but watching you kill that ______? That was something else.” 

15. “Next time we get the chance, we should swap road stories. I’ll bet you’ve got some good ones to tell.” 

16. “It’s quiet out here... too quiet. Ha ha ha ha! Oh man. I’ve always wanted to say that.” 

17. “Achoo! Damn dust is going right up my nose.” 

18. “This is a pleasant change. I can hear myself think in here.” 

19. “I’ve always been better at taking than giving. Maybe one day I’ll learn to get my priorities straight.” 

20. “I’ve heard of this sport. You’re supposed to roll a ball down these lanes and knock over those pins. Weird.” 

21. “I can see my house from here! ...Sorry. I always wanted to say that.” 

22. “I knew there was a reason I’m traveling with you.” 

23. “Maybe I’m just another human with people back home he/she/they want(s) to protect. Then again, maybe not.” 

24. “We’re great. We’re freakin’ fantastic. Songs will be sung about our sheer awsom - awsomenicity”

25. “I call dibs on any hats. I love a good hat.” 

26. “If you believe anything, believe this: I’m in your corner. Always have been.” 

27. “If we run across anyone, remember, you do the talking. I can be your mute friend.” 

28. “You are just one big, beautiful distraction. Plenty of opportunities to learn secrets while moving around in your shadow.” 

29. “Since we’re a team, you think maybe we could use a code name? ‘Red orchard’, or ‘Code Violet’, or - oh! - the Death Bunnies. That’ll confuse ‘em.” 

30. “I know I can be a hard read, but I really enjoy traveling with you. No bullshit.” 

31. “Okay, I don’t say this often, but that was badass!”

32. “And here I thought I was getting out of one more bloodbath. Surprise!” 

33. “It’s an honest-to-goodness ______. And here’s me without my autograph book.” 

34. “Back before I met you, I would go whole days without massacring a bunch of things. Honest.” 

35. “Did I have you going? Don’t take it personal. I lie to everyone.” 

36. “I like you already. Walk into a place, make a show of dominance. Nice.” 

37. “Like it? I think it gives me a sexy king/queen-of-the-zombies kind of look.” 

38. “Sexy pirate was always going to be my fallback if sexy ______ didn’t pan out.” 

39. “Disobeying a direct order. Knew you had it in you.” 

40. “You have some serious thrill issues.” 

41. “So a _____ walks into a bar. Bartender says ‘We don’t serve ______ here’. The ______ says ‘That’s fine. Is the human fresh?’

42. “Moments like this, I know all that karma stuff is bull, because no one like me should be this lucky.” 

43. “Shame this teleporter your building only goes to _____. Could have some serious fun with that kind of tech.” 

44. “And here I thought a baseball bat was just a fun way to say hello to a guy.” 

45. “You spend too long in here, and you’ll come out looking like me. Though, you would make one hell of a ______.” 

46. “Not a lot of folks would travel with a ______, even one with my kind of charisma.”

47. “Guess you’re the piece I’ve always been missing. That and that ______ I still can’t find.” 

48. “Hey, chin up. I know the night just got darker, but it won’t last forever.” 

49. “You are a scientific marvel, ______.” 

50. “I know its grizzly, but what choice do we have? We’ve got no leads. Nothing. That ______’s brain just might have all the secrets we need to know.” 

[magmahurricane]

A decade of friends - in no order, here’s to all the amazing people in my life old and new!

@shinkumancer : I remember following your work waaay back in the Archie Comic days. I had always been too shy to approach you, but I loved your work. I still remember so much of your Egg Boss art and it’s insane how far you’ve come. You’re still one of the sweetest, kindest people I know and I always enjoy the little drawpile sessions we have! 

@zlatis-art : We haven’t been friends for very long - it’s roughly been a year, now, but it feels like we’ve been friends longer. Something just... clicked when we met, and god I came on strong looking back! I don’t regret it tho - taking the plunge and letting you into my life was such a good call. You’re super patient and you strive so hard to treat everyone fairly and give people so much love. You’ve come such a long way with both your OCs and your art, and our calls are always so much fun! 

@sege-h : Would you believe I actually don’t remember exactly how we met...? I know it had something to do with the Sonic RPC iirc. But you’ve always been such a wonderful source of optimism and joy, and I love our talks! You’ve always been so supportive of me and I don’t know how to thank you for it?? I need to draw Storm and Carey doing more shenannigans when I get better!

@rainingautumn : I also don’t recall how, other than vague recollections of the Sonic RPC I think. I feel like I learned so much from you - you’ve provided me with different perspectives, which really helped me open my eyes to a lot of things. You’ve always been such a warm, positive presence while still standing firm and speaking up for yourself, which is so hard to do. I love your little messages, even if I don’t always know how to respond to them!

@boy-of-silence : You’re legit one of my oldest friends around and looking back on where we started it’s honestly kind of insane? We met on dA and we were practically babies like??? It’s insane, I remember so much and it all blurs together like mad, but we’ve always just sorta stuck by each other and I’m always so happy to see you on my dash. You got me into Homestuck, and you made me curious about Bioshock (I still need to finish Infinite), and I still remember the little art collabs we used to do...! I got nothing but good memories!

@kismeti : We don’t talk much, but I’m hoping to change that soon! I love your work, and you’ve put so much into your OCs. Seeing you tweet about petsites makes me think about Neopets and I age 500 years every time,, You honestly seem so sweet and kind and I can’t wait to see what more you’re gonna share with us in the new year!

@fini-mun : I don’t talk with you as much as I should (purely because I’m shy as all get out) but you’ve honestly been such an inspiration to me. You’re so incredibly kind and patient -- I still have that doodle you sent me while I had been down in the dumps. I remember I found you so intimidating when I first met you on dA, when I first tried to commission you -- and watching you grow as an artist and getting to know you has been so great! You don’t know how much I smiled that night when I expressed how I knew nothing about BatIM and you up and streamed the entire game live. I know we were both excited to play FO76 together and that was a let down for like, the entire fandom. But we should definately hang sometime and do stuff! Give your ratties my love!!

@oddpastrys : JAAADE,,, I vaguely remember meeting you in one of Kaden’s streams,, and then in Joan’s weird campaign. You’ve always been such a fun, energetic person and you always bring the best jokes. Deadass, watching RWBY with you both ruined it and enhanced it. You’re so much fun to be around and you always work so hard to cheer everyone up and please everyone, and we don’t say thank you often enough - I don’t thank you often enough. You’re so sweet and fun to be around and I’m 100% not sorry about all the horrible, horrible things I’ve made you see. 

@calderscauldron : Kaden!!! You’re another one of my oldest friends, and it’ll never be wild to me how insanely lucky it was that I happened to move to the same state as you. I remember when we were dumb kids on dA, and how you used to joke about kidnapping me -- and how my first thought when getting to Texas was “I should see where this guy lives and meet up!” sjkfdjkfs It’s been a helluva ride and I don’t regret it. We had our bumps and fallouts but we’ve always worked through it all -- and your art has come such a long way. You’re always so sweet and so much fun to be around.  You deserve so many nice things and I can’t thank you enough for sticking by my dumb ass for so long!

@haunted-pixel : Yet another decade-old friendship! Bronwyn it’s been such a fucking wild ride. I still remember your old OCs from back in the day; I remember our gryphon friend group, and our lizard group and screaming about digimon, I remember getting really into Kimba/Jungle Emperor Leo cos of you and your OCs, I remember all the drawings of Z and Miki. I remember Nuki and the others. It’s been such a long time and so much has changed around us both. We don’t talk as much anymore but I’m always thrilled when we do hit eachother up on twitter!! I seriously gotta draw more Carey x Zanity sometime. You’ve also just, improved so much as an artist and branched out so much?? Your plushies and your fursuits are absolutely amazing and I can’t believe how far you’ve come! I also still have the sketches you and your sister did for me when I was technically homeless and stuck in the hospital and I’ll always treasure them - and the Nack you made for me is still sitting cozy on my shelf, along with the yeen and Sonic you sent!

@nuttyrabbit : My absolute best friend!!! And probably most unexpected friend! I remember seeing your posts in the Archie Sonic tag way back when, and how my asshole ex used to rant about how she hated you for w/e reason. I used to be so intimidated by you because you told it how it is, and I respected your opinion so I was always lowkey afraid you thought I was stupid and hated my ideas/OCs. But even before we got close, you stuck your neck out for me when things got bad between my ex and me. And in 2018, we finally just started to click with our OC stuff.  Lady Luck became a huge comfort dynamic for the both of us. You always argue against it but I still say you’re one of the kindest people I know. You always try to look out for me and find ways to lend a hand when things get tough, you’re always trying to help me when I’m down and you go out of your way to cheer me up and I can’t thank you enough. Meeting you at RTX this year was incredible.  Thank you so much for being you. <3 

@finitevus : We don’t talk much but I can’t not add you!!! You’ve been so kind and supportive to me, and artistically you’ve always been such a big inspiration. I love your character designs and your writing is so so good, and you always strive to be so positive and warm to others and I promise I’m not ignoring you when you reach out; I’m just very shy and dumb ankjdjkfs I need to,,, say hello on discord sometime. And draw you many things!

@lightdax : You’re always a whole lot of fun and I refuse to apologize for your eyes with half the shit you’ve been exposed to by proxy. You’ve always been really sweet and you’ve really been pushing to improve this past year and it shows! Take time off your mayoral duties for the town of Cuckoldia and put up your OC bios tho! @nvllspace : I,, gotta tag ur RP blog cos IDK ur personal but JACKKIIEE. You’re so sweet and fun and your art is always such a treat. You came through with helping me realize just how toxic a certain person I needed to cut out of my life was, and you’ve always been so kind and supportive. You’re always a blast in our calls and I love your AUs so much! Also you need to stop having so many gorgeous characters cos holy shit,,,

@frecklefacefromouterspace : Nixe!  You’re usually busy these days but whenever we do catch you it’s always fun. If it wasn’t for your old server, the current server wouldn’t have even existed and you brought us all together! You’re always so sweet and bubbly and you have one of the cutest, most distinct styles I know.

And to all my other mutuals - thank you all so much for sticking by me!  I’m having difficulty typing now so I’m sorry I couldn’t get to everyone but sincerely: thank you, all of you, for making these past years such an amazing ride. I’ve learned so much from each of you and I can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2020!

[docfuture]

Princess, part 7

     [This story is a prequel, set several years before The Fall of Doc Future, when Flicker is 16.  Links to some of my other work are here.  Updates are theoretically biweekly–next update is scheduled for February 16th.]

Previous: Part 6

     Full intragroup and intergroup relative advantage simulation run started.  Estimated time for results: 6 hours at current background priority.       Flicker finished her third high speed assessment of Practical Power Dynamics and supporting information on people and organizations that had used it.  It had sparked insights--it was full of interesting social science--but it was also full of traps.  Many of them seemed to be associated with naive scaling--the book's advice seemed unusually hostile to the incentive structures of large organizations, such as major corporations, government agencies, and international organized crime.  She didn't yet have the context to follow the social changes the book had inspired, other than the notable de-fetishization of gratuitous killing.  A long model run would help, but it would also take a while.       Flicker's focus was more on the personal.  Some of the advice on managing anger was intriguing, but it was unclear how applicable it would be for someone whose emotional processing was not entirely human.  What she had found most useful was the window into the thinking of a smart, astute human who had done serious work on the problem of long-term functioning with a large personal reservoir of anger.       She slowed down, moving herself back into squishy brain again, with active senses other than sight and touch.  Human senses, hearing and smell, for the sound from the high speed workstation fans and the cooling pumps for the server room, and the faint smell of the oil she'd used on a stuck robot earlier in the day.  She flexed her hands, which tingled as the normal flow of blood returned after a long bout of speed typing.       Her emotions shifted back to as normal as they ever got as well.       Journeyman was still watching.  It had been about a minute for him--and almost a day subjective for her, some of it spent thinking on her own while she waited on resource intensive bits of Database analysis.  She stood up from the high speed workstation and moved to the other end of the couch.       "The book's perspective on anger is useful," she said, "and there are some techniques that may end up helping with management--but that will probably take a while.  DASI is analyzing it and running simulations.  There is lots of subtext, and quirks because it wasn't really intended for someone with my level of power.  And we still have to sort through some of the traps, so I'll take my time, and it's securely recorded and backed up."       She handed the book back to him.  "Thank you for the loan."       "No problem."       Flicker exhaled slowly, releasing a bit of the tension she had built up.  "My level of background anger seems to be pretty high compared to most humans.  But not compared to the author of the book, apparently.  The way she talks about normal humans getting angry and calming down sounds like an anthropologist documenting weird alien behavior.  It's kind of funny because I find some of the same things weird.  So I can see why someone with normal human anger might find mine scary.  Like you do."       Flicker waved a hand.  "It's hard to explain because a lot of it isn't conscious.  It's just what I do, I don't know any other way.  But I can tell you something I know I do differently.  A lot of the things I see at high speed make me angry.  How could they not, if I care at all?  And my speed mind is wider than my squishy brain--it has way more short-term memory.  That's why I need to forget so much when I sleep--to keep the human part of me sane.  But some of the anger from the memories stays.  Only a little for each one, but it adds up.  More than anything I can do to calm down does.       "I have ways to dump that kind of anger, but only down to a certain point.  So I tend to be at or above my background anger level most of the time, unless I'm completely concentrating on something.  And new things can interact with the background and make it seem like I'm reacting disproportionately when I'm really not.  Does this help you understand better?"       Journeyman glanced down at the book, still in his hands, then put it back into his vest pocket.  "A bit.  I hope you're ready for some things that will make you angry, because I can't put them off any longer."       Flicker studied him.  "Speaking of traps and subtext, there was a bit in the book about not setting traps for yourself with unresolved conflicts.  We have one.  Have you been avoiding it to sustain your load-bearing social fiction?  Or because you were worried I'd be angry?"       "Both.  The spying you did the next time I was gone after scrambled memory day had some serious consequences."       "It was research on your background I needed to do because you didn't leave me any other options, and you never elaborated."       "You'd already stopped by the time I found out about it, and I didn't want to have that fight while you were my backup for the dicey mess I got myself into."  Journeyman spread his hands.  "You uncovered information about a fair number of my contacts.  One of them was a Diviner.  Doesn't matter how careful you are if you hit a canary secret from a prepared Diviner.  If the number of people who know it is small, and goes up, they can tell.  After I got back, I found a message from her telling me it had been fun, but she didn't want to die finding out the hard way that my new girlfriend was the jealous type.  She'd already disappeared.  I can't blame her--she knew you were my partner and correctly guessed you were the one digging.  Diviners that aren't paranoid about being hunted don't generally live to get old."       "But I wasn't--never mind."  She planned ahead based on plausible assumptions.       "Yeah.  My contacts don't know everything, and neither do you.  And that's the way it has to stay."       Flicker frowned.  "Okay, but I still don't understand the rules for how your magical communities function.  The information quality about them in the Database was really low:  A lot of implausible junk, some weird and disturbing stuff--most of it probably untrue--and occasional records of conflicts that left a body or bodies.  I wanted to find a good enough set of connections and opinions of you so I could see where you fit.  I was not trying to endanger anyone. That was why I put so much effort into preserving anonymity for everyone but you when I was digging.  And stopped when I realized it would fail.  I learned a lot of things I didn't expect.  Including how justified so many of the people you know are in fearing databases.  But only the Database knows who they are, I don't."       "They don't know that.  Limiting access to personally identifiable information can be a matter of life or death for them."  Journeyman smiled humorlessly.  "The torches and pitchforks crowds and burn-the-witch-itis have always interacted with privacy loss in ugly ways.  One consequence is that internal safety is an issue, and yes, that's something I have to balance.  I try not to make things worse.  But I did, when I became your partner.  I needed backup for too long, and you stopped waiting and started spying."       "I wanted to know about you, and if you'd been willing to sit down and talk to me--"  Not productive.  Redirect.  "I use the Database as a social prosthetic to keep from screwing up even worse than I do already.  You were being evasive.  I didn't know enough to tell if you were trying to get me to take a hint, so I used it to try to find out if I was taking the right hint.  There were Database privacy blocks keeping me from finding out what I wanted, and that stupid superhero social taboo against asking directly.  How else was I supposed to find out?  Telepathy?  Osmosis?  It was OSINT, active hacking and monitoring, or ghosting around to spy in person, and I picked the least intrusive option."       Journeyman nodded.  "That's what the Database told me, when I learned about the urgent trust hazard you'd created.  I understand.  But even open source intelligence is qualitatively different with your level of Database access.  Perceptions count for what I do, and it doesn't matter what you or I think, if my contacts start avoiding me because they're worried about a frighteningly powerful 16-year-old with high level Database access who is perceived as immature."       "How did this become common knowledge?  Did the Diviner tell people?"       "I did.  I knew there would be others, so I asked the Database for a list, got in touch with those I still could, and apologized."       Calm.  "Without telling me."       "I told you I'd handle the fallout--that it was a social problem, not a speed or power problem.  Remember?"       "Yes, but this was something I needed to know to correctly evaluate consequences.  And isn't it still a problem, just from us being partners?"       "At the moment, yes.  It's going to take time for me to rebuild trust."       Flicker shook her head.  Staying angry at him for concealing an apology would be both unhelpful and unfair.       "I see," she said.  "Any other unpleasant surprises you want to get out of the way?"       Journeyman clasped his hands and looked down at them.  "Several.  I've had time to think a little more about Doc not telling you things.  And you make assumptions based on what you think he must know.  But there is something I've picked up as a magician that you probably haven't.  Diviners tend to be paranoid and secretive, for good reasons.  A lot of Seers have serious trouble staying mentally healthy.  And true Oracles have to take extreme measures to stay sane and alive, and be really careful how they talk."       "What definitions are you using?  The Database says 'Seer' is used so broadly and vaguely it's almost meaningless."       "Ah, sorry.  Magicians can be sloppy with terminology, but what can you do?  A Diviner is a magician who specializes in information magic.  Seer is a catch-all label for anyone who sees or perceives things not accessible to normal senses that are at least sometimes accurate--they don't have to be trained and Seeing often isn't voluntary.  Breakpoint is an example of a Seer who isn't a magician.  An Oracle is a Seer who can see the future, know it's the future, and possibly affect it.  They are frickin' dangerous.  And rare.  And Doc comes across to me as an Oracle doing a very good job of hiding it."       "He isn't an Oracle, he's just good at long term extrapolation.  He does do some pretty weird analysis and debiasing tricks with Database projections, though."       "I think there's more to it, but it might not matter.  There are quirks he has, ways he talks about certain things, that make me wonder if he has a future-vision-o-mat down in the vaults.  And a way to stay functional as an Oracle is extreme compartmentalization--literally putting some things completely out of your mind.  That's risky if you get attacked, and I think Doc has been.  But he does have the Database, and the support for the kind of compartmentalization he would need was already there when I needed some of it, for the data I just put in escrow."       Journeyman looked back at her.  "So don't assume he has to know something because he knows other things.  And be careful about dismissing warnings if he can't share direct evidence.  Oracles can know without being able to show."       "That sounds pretty speculative," said Flicker, "but I'll keep it in mind."       "That's all I can ask."  Journeyman nodded slowly.  "And now for something else you'll probably consider speculative, but sure doesn't look that way to me.  Did Doc ever tell you how an Oracle duel works?"       Flicker sped up briefly to check the Database, then slowed again.  "No, but it sounds like something theoretical called a dual loop virtual time travel instability.  Does it involve nothing you can really see except strange apparent coincidences?"       "Yeah, that's what Doc called them.  I'm pretty sure now that the entire mess I got dragged into over a year ago--the deciding factor for my agreement to become your partner in the first place--was tangled up with a long running Oracle duel involving at least two sides.  And that's not even counting whatever indirect effect Doc's projections might have.  When I started to realize something was weird, I didn't think it had anything to do with you.  Aaand... I was wrong.  Figured that out last night, but it doesn't help much.  Even if you know you're caught in the gears, it's way too easy to tie yourself up in self-delusion, seeing things that aren't there..."       "Confirmation bias?"       "And a bunch of other kinds.  Multiply the problems in Doc's rant about using Bayesian analysis to catch a probability manipulator by a hundred.  And I'm fairly certain I was targeted to get at you."       Flicker frowned.  "Why?  Why am I not targeted directly?"       "You are--that would be Hermes.  There are multiple things going on, which is what makes this such a pain to try to unravel.  But you have a lot of protection from direct probability manipulation.  A bunch of older magicians that lived through the Cold War still cast regular little blessings against nuclear annihilation.  You get part of them because you can--and would--rip apart a nuclear war with thrown rocks.  And Doc and I still argue about the origin of some less obvious buffers for you that definitely exist.  But there's lot of hostile probability manipulation, too.  Like, everyone who can do it who wants to destroy the world or part of it, because you're pretty good at stopping that, and the easiest way to get it to happen is to trick you into doing it for them.  Now I'm not defenseless.  But it's like..."       Journeyman paused to think, then looked up at her.  "Suppose I'm somewhere with bullets and shrapnel flying around.  I'm better off than the average bystander because I have an anti-bullet ward.  But if I'm standing next to Armadillo and a bunch of machine guns are shooting at her, I'm in danger, because bullets miss and bounce, and my ward can only handle so much.  And if some of the gunners get the bright idea to shoot at me instead, I'm in real trouble, because what might only annoy her can kill me.  I'm the weak point."       He pressed a hand to his forehead.  "I think I'm your weak point.  In more than one way.  And yeah, there are things we could theoretically do to try to handle it all, but you know what those machine gun equivalents are very effective at preventing?  Calm, uninterrupted consideration of anything personal or contentious."       "I think we're managing okay," said Flicker.  "I mean, it's not exactly fun, but..."       "We haven't gotten to the contentious part.  And, uh... I'd kind of like to move somewhere neutral for that.  This is your home, and you may suddenly prefer I be elsewhere."       "I may even more suddenly need to talk to the Database, and the latency is lower here.  If I want you to leave I'll tell you.  And you can port out any time, if you stop feeling safe."       "I'm not feeling particularly safe now.  But I promised I'd stop evading, so...  Do you still want to go ahead?"       Flicker briefly consulted her reminder list, much of which now seemed outdated or inappropriate.  "I had a plan, but you derailed it by bringing up other stuff--important stuff--like you're afraid we won't ever get another chance to talk."       A steadying breath.  "So I'm wondering if I even should, with everything you say is getting in the way.  And you aren't acting or sounding okay.  When you came back to Earth yesterday, you'd been through something horrifically bad.  Forgot you'd been stabbed in the back bad.  Paranoia turned up, reliving things under cover, not all the way back yet bad.  I changed the subject to Hermes, then later botched my sleep-fuzzy attempt to help.  Partner, can you tell me what's wrong?  And how we might go about fixing the Oracle thing if you think it's interfering with you too much?  Because I can wait a little longer if I have to."       Journeyman laced his hands together behind his neck and shook his head.  "You're right that I'm not okay, but waiting isn't going to make it better.  I think bad shit would just keep happening.  And I know you hate incomplete answers, but I've told you as much as I can about what's wrong.  As for fixing things... I don't think there is any quick fix.  I put details in Database escrow just in case, but I sure don't want you going off on a rampage in another dimension because I suspect some of the inhabitants might be responsible for some of our problems."       "Then why bring it up?"       Journeyman smiled wearily.  "Doc's old rule:  Tell you what not to do clearly and first, because there may not be a chance for a 'wait, stop'.  And with the way things have been going..."       "Fair.  So you think we're just going to have to live for a while with incomplete information, bad luck, unfortunate misunderstandings, inconvenient interruptions, and so forth for everything we do together?"       "No."  He took a deep breath.  "We aren't going to live with it because we aren't going to be together."       "...Until?"       Journeyman spread his hands.  "Don't wait around."       Flicker stared at him with a hollow feeling in her stomach.  "What does that mean?"       He looked down, then back up at her.  "First:  You're 16.  I would not be okay with starting anything before you're 18.  Next:  Even if all the interference went away, I still couldn't be Make-Everything-Better Man for you," he said.  "I'm glad I was able to help you as your partner.  But it's not a healthy basis for a relationship.  And those aren't the only problems, but going through a list with the implication that the goal is to find a way around them all would be a bad idea.  Some of the issues are mine.  Getting together with you would not work, and I don't know when, if ever, that might change."  He shook his head.  "You have your own life.  You should feel free to grow, and learn, and become... whoever you're going to be.  And right now there's too much I can't tell you, you have too many good reasons to be angry with me, and I don't want to be used as a weapon against you."       Flicker stood, and looked over at the entrance to the server room.  "So you'll just blow everything up yourself.  It sounds like you want to drop our joint duty shifts, too?"       A pause.  "I wasn't kidding about the load-bearing thing.  At least for a while, I think they would just make things worse for both of us."       "Now that makes me angry.  I put a lot into our partnership, and trusted you to maintain it.  But okay.  It's not like you need your partner's backup anymore."       The hollow feeling had given way to the grim disgust of seeing a tangled mess she couldn't possibly have helped, because it was wrecked before she even started.  But it was best to be sure.  She sped up.       DASI?  Does Journeyman appear to be suffering from mental sabotage, mind control, or anything else relevant?       I do not have sufficient data to judge the soundness of his decision process, but his actions are consistent with his prior behavior.  He is showing signs of prolonged stress.  As are you.       Thanks.  I knew that last part already.       Amelioration measures are still in progress.  Please do not do anything precipitous.       Yeah, yeah.       She slowed back down and shook her head.  "I just don't understand your thinking.  Why even agree to our partnership, if you were going to do this?  And if your model of an attack on me is right, and not just a paranoid overreaction, why pull away... everything I thought we had, without even trying to help?"       "I do intend to try to help, after I spend a while recovering," he said.  "I'll stay in touch through the Database.  But first I need to see if I can track down some Diviners, because half the ones I know are indisposed or missing, and the other half are getting 'future not found' errors or disturbingly ambiguous signs of some sort of global catastrophe that may or may not be happening the day after tomorrow."       A sudden frown.  "You weren't planning on doing anything drastic to the planet that day, were you?"       "Not particularly.  I'm not even going to be on Earth for some of it."       "What."       "I'm going to the Moon to run Speedtest, finally.  Scheduled it with Doc this morning."       "Ah," said Journeyman, his face noticeably paler.  "I don't suppose you'd be willing to reschedule?"       "No.  As you said, I have my own life, and things to learn.  If you are seriously convinced some entity is actively trying to sabotage something specific that I've put off for too long already, tell me where they live, and I'll visit them with some physics.  Before catastrophe day.  Then you can find those other Diviners and see if the problem has cleared up or there is someone else who needs a visit.  An Oracle should be able to tell if their personal future is about to become very short, right?"       Journeyman looked down.  "I... don't think that's a good plan."       "Then maybe you should have raised your concerns before dumping your partner?"       "Priority interrupt," announced DASI from the wall speaker.  "A candidate psychological expert has been located."       Flicker sped up to read a summary on her visor.  It was good news that DASI had managed to identify and contact someone.  But she had conditions for her help and an unusual background...       Flicker puzzled over some of the details, then slowed down to frown at Journeyman.  "All right, if you really still want to help, the Database profile of this person is weird.  There seem to be rumors that she has some kind of magic resistance.   Have you ever heard of a Dr. Stella Reinhart?"

Next: Part 8

[dcomposing]

jumin route rewrite???

ive had.... Issues with jumin's route since the first time i played it and im waiting out a 3 hour layover which means its time to self indulgently fix all of those problems right now in excruciating detail

for the record, i dont mean any disrespect towards cheritz -- i love mysme dearly and this is purely a self indulgent experiment to see what my ideal jumin route would have been! if you like his route as is thats totally fine! it just wasnt for me lmao

this was super fun to write and if this picks up i might do another route rewrite (and i might do it even if it doesnt because it was just that fun lol)

anyways this is REALLY long (literally its like 3k words all in outline form) so its gonna go under the cut lol

okay so: issues i had with jumin’s route that i want to address:

it moves WAY too fast — i mean all of the routes do to a certain degree; they’re only 11 days long but like... you’re literally engaged to him by the end of it which iirc, is something that is only replicated in seven’s normal ending (and even then i think its only implied?) and i get that the point is that jumin goes all out for the people he loves and is VERY certain that he loves you but it just feels... way too soon for my liking ESPECIALLY because you’re his first love! it just makes it feel like he’s caught up in the rush of being in love for the first time and isn’t thinking things through which... isn’t exactly the making of a great relationship lol. so for this re- write we’re gonna slow it WAY down because... oof. 

the sarah and glam plot line happening concurrently with the mint eye/possessive jumin one makes the route feel overly busy. i actually have a similar issue with the echo girl/mint eye overlap in zen’s route but that’s a topic for another day lol. so i’m gonna try to delineate between the two a bit more so there’s less overlap.

SPEAKING OF possessive jumin lol... maybe its just my Personal Background bleeding in, but possessiveness is a really big red flag/trigger for me and i felt like it went WAY too far in his route. dgmw, i understand that its meant to be a character flaw and something he’s meant to overcome but i just feel like there are simpler ways to show that side of him without it becoming... as scary as it got. i wasn’t sure how to deal with it though -- i think it would best be expressed through smaller actions and the minutia of dialogue with the others (e.g. jumin refusing to send a photo of you into the chat room when zen asks if you’re alright, locking up elizabeth, etc.)

the canon first kiss with jumin happening both without your explicit consent AND just to drive sarah away is.... icky to me. especially because he MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH SARAH while kissing you??? i hate that cg lol. it just takes what should be a moment about the two of you and turns it into him using you to prove a point and i don’t like it at all. it’s not romantic and it feels... out of character for jumin to use someone he cares about like that. i have similar issues with the proposal happening right after he exposes glam and sarah. so lets make the kiss more genuine and nix the proposal entirely because it happens too quickly for comfort anyways.

with all of that in mind, i decided a fake dating plot would probably work best (and like i said, this is self indulgent and i’m a SUCKER for fake dating stories sooooo). it makes sure we hit all the beats of the glam/sarah plot line without shoving him and the mc into a relationship too quickly. it also means we can keep their first kiss as a big “fuck you” to sarah, but this time mc gets to be 100% in on the joke AND they get to have a “real” first kiss later on! that’s two (2!) kisses for the price of one folks.

i also decided that in order to streamline the plot a bit, the glam and sarah plot should end earlier, allowing for the mint eye plot to take center stage instead of being shoehorned in around a larger love triangle plot line. also glam and sarah are annoying and i don’t want to deal with them for six full days. the only downside is we don’t get to see v dunk on sarah at the party :-(

in lieu of a proposal for the necessary Big Romantic Gesture at the party, i thought it would be nice if jumin whisked you away from the party to paris or somewhere far away for a ridiculously extravagant first date literally in the middle of the party. not only is it ridiculously grandiose in and of itself, but in abandoning the party halfway through, it shows that jumin has grown into a more relaxed and spontaneous person through knowing you! he’s ready to throw caution to the wind and have fun with you (plus, Big Romantic Date cg!!)

day 5:

VN mode where we essentially get the exact same scene of chairman han telling jumin he wants him to marry sarah to make the merger with sugar round go more smoothly BUT this time jumin blurts out that he’s already with someone and that he didn’t want to go public with it yet. he assumes his father won’t press further, given that they’ve always had a mutual respect for one another’s privacy, but at glam’s insistence, chairman han says he wants to meet jumin’s partner. oh no!

jumin laments his situation to the rfa, resulting in pretty typical responses. zen laughs, yoosung is sympathetic but also kind of wishes it were just that simple for him to meet a wife. jaehee is worried that the inevitable fallout of this will result in more work for her. everything is business as usual until seven is like “ur so rich why don’t you just pay someone to pretend to date you lolol” and jumin (being, well, jumin) runs with it 100%. because they don’t have time to vet candidates (they’re supposed to have dinner with his dad tomorrow night!) he decides it should be someone he knows, but the majority of the other rfa members are already acquainted with his father via rfa events, making it more likely that he sees through the ruse. mc, however, has never met him, making them the perfect candidate! who would have thought lol

so they decide to move you into the penthouse that evening BUT before that can happen, they have to clear it with v because bomb, hacker, mint eye, etc. (yes this is how i’m choosing to do the bomb reveal lol). bonus, v gets to chide jumin about his dumb lie and we get a fun bff conversation with them!

final VN where you show up to the penthouse and you and jumin establish the parameters of your “relationship”. you decide that you’ll both sleep in his bed, just in case a cleaning staff member walks in and notices that he and his partner sleep separately and it ruins everything. establish what physical contact is and isn’t cool, etc, etc. you also decide that when the time comes, you’re going to tell his dad that the entire debacle with sarah put so much strain on your relationship that you had to break up. the hope being that chairman han will feel so bad about ruining things for jumin that he won’t try to force him into something like that ever again.

days 6-8:

you have dinner with his dad and answer pretty typical “meeting the parrents” questions. he asks what you guys did for your first date and jumin tells a 100% fake story about taking you to dinner on top of the eiffel tower and kissing you beneath the stars and the chairman is satisfied. that doesn’t mean that glam and sarah are though. they decide to do some sleuthing to prove that you guys aren’t really dating.

this is the fun part where we get to hit most of the beats of ur typical fake dating story! you and jumin get to know each other really well, albeit kind of superficially (favorite foods, fun childhood stories, etc. etc. nothing too heavy yet.) you guys cook together for the first time, cue cg of jumin with like... idk tomato sauce on his cheek or something. you watch a movie together and elizabeth falls asleep on your lap and jumin dies on spot idk

this is also where your first kiss happens, and pretty much in the same way except its much more mutual and he doesn’t look at sarah this time because his focus is on trying to make it look like he doesn’t even care that she’s there because you’re the only thing he cares about. (which.... isn’t actually hard for him to do at all)

chatrooms are pretty typical for this timeframe — you guys all know the drill. the other members are like “wow they seem really close” and speculate on whether or not you guys are actually together. zen is worried that jumin is going to force himself on you (wolves, etc.). yoosung is jealous that jumin gets to hang out with you. jaehee is upset that jumin is neglecting his work.

VAGUE mentions of weird activity on the messenger, but nothing too serious sounding. just enough to make jumin nervous -- esp with sarah and glam on his back still. this is when he locks elizabeth up. 

 day 8, the chairman learns that sugar round is worthless and that glam and sarah have been duping him the whole time. they’re disgraced and are never heard from again so... problem solved but this also means that you and jumin no longer have a reason to stay “together”... and you’re both kind of falling for each other so obviously that’s no good. you spend one last night in the penthouse before resolving to break things off officially in the morning. the other members talk about how sad you guys both seem to be parting.

BAD STORY END 1:

if you shy away at the fake intimate gestures (hand holding, hugging, etc), and pointedly answer incorrectly when asked a question about jumin that you should know the answer to, your ruse fails and you guys are caught faking the relationship. to avoid the scandal breaking to the press, jumin winds up marrying sarah anyways.

the branch point for this one would be right before the kiss scene, if you’re on track for the good end then the kiss happens, if not, you’re forced to shove him away when he goes in for it, revealing to sarah that you guys are frauds.

the cg would be him and sarah at the press release for their engagement announcement. sarah’s all smiles and jumin is... pretty understandably miserable looking. a reporter asks him about the other person he was in a relationship with prior to his engagement to sarah, and he reads off a line about how sarah captivated him like no one else ever could in an emotionless voice.

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 1:

if you do fine during the VN portions, but aren’t active enough in the chats, then the fake relationship plan works, but afterwards its just... really awkward. once the whole mint eye thing ends you’re pretty much just excommunicated from the rfa since you... didn’t really seem to like them all that much.

day 9:

a huge attack on the messenger happens, coupled with explicit threats directed at mc, sending everyone into such a panic that ending your fake relationship is the last thing on anyones mind. jumin is so fucking scared that he’s going to lose you, and muses in the chatroom about why he’s more scared for your safety than he would be if it were, say, yoosung being threatened (cue yoosung’s crying emoji lmao). everyone else is like “well clearly its because you’re in love with them”

anyways. they decide its for the best if you continue to stay at the penthouse and in spite of everything, you’re both... kind of relieved lol. 

everything is all fine and dandy until elizabeth III runs away, ramping jumins anxiety up to 11 like... right away

this is where we really start to see behavior more along the lines of what happens in his route, you suggest the two of you leave and search for elizabeth, and he refuses to let you go, etc. etc. 

it sort of turns into a fight, but it all works out in the end. he tells you about rika and elizabeth and why she means so much to him, and you guys talk about how fear of losing someone important to him can’t rule his life, and that its one thing to be careful, but another entirely to try to control someone else’s behavior because of fear. 

you convince him to get some sleep, assuring him that elizabeth will turn up soon and that he’s going to be alright. you guys fall asleep next to eachother without even thinking about it. its not until jumin mentions something about waking up next to you in the chat the next day that the rest of the gang is like “uhhhh,,,, why are you guys still sharing a bed”

MEANWHILE lol seven and yoosung arrive at mint eye and find elizabeth, just like what happens in canon. they decide to bring her back tomorrow.

BAD STORY END 2:

obligatory mint eye ending. if you’re too aggressive and forward with jumin and don’t give him time to properly process his feelings, he doesn’t offer to let you stay at the penthouse, relying on seven’s assurance that the apartment is totally secure (it’s not). saeran breaks in and takes you away.

this branch happens pretty early in the day, before elizabeth escapes.

i thought about a cg for this one but tbh... there are so many saeran and mc at mint eye BE cgs that idk what i could come up with that wouldn’t be super derivative lol

BAD RELATIONSHIP END 2:

again, because you’re only talking to jumin and not the rest of the rfa, he assumes that you don’t like being in the rfa very much BUT he still likes you... a lot and is very worried about your safety re: hacker, AND because he still hasn’t really dealt with his issues regarding v/rika/emotions, you guys decide to just straight up leave lol. you move to a different country where he can pretty much continue doing his work remotely while keeping you safe.

the cg for this one is the two of you in a different cushy apartment somewhere. you’re making dinner while he works. its... stable, but noticeably stiff. neither of you are talking much and his dialogue is pretty stilted. its pretty clear that he regrets abandoning his friends and is unhappy.

day 10:

3AM chat with zen where he speaks entirely in thinly veiled hypotheticals about you guys. (“well, if i thought i could have a shot with someone i really loved, i think i would take that chance and tell them, even if i might get shot down. and even if that person was a huge ass who my sexy white-haired best friend hated. i would tell them how i felt”)

seven secures the messenger again and the threat is declared neutralized! you’re safe to go home but neither you nor jumin want that at all.

yoosung brings elizabeth back around 9, and it proceeds pretty similarly to what happens in his route: he’s wary about taking her back because he feels that he’s mistreated her, you’re like “whoa buddy you’re going too far in the opposite direction here” and you and v have to convince hm that its going to be okay. the only real difference is that v doesnt also have to convince him to let you go. he just says something about how the two of you seem to bring out the best in each other, and that jumin is brighter when you’re around. 

later, jumin (tries) to make you lunch using the cooking skills you taught him a few days ago as a final payment (since you refused actual money) for all of your help, both with his father and with elizabeth, but he winds up ordering in instead. its very cute BUT its super awkward because neither of you has said anything about not wanting to leave.

finally you have to face the music and pack your bags. you hug jumin goodbye and make him promise to still get lunch with you sometime before heading back to rika’s apartment sadly.

everyone is like “yo what the fuck???” and its actually yoosung of all people who is finally like “this is ridiculous. you two clearly have feelings for each other and you need to deal with it” 

jumin is absent from most of the chatrooms for the rest of the day  though, so he doesn’t really see anything until he forces himself to log on later that night and is like “oh”

and YES of course this is going to culminate in a typical romcom scene where he has driver kim race to the apartment so he can pound on the door and apologize to you and tell you how he feels!! maybe it even happens in the rain just to maximize romance. the important thing here is that you finally kiss him for real this time and its perfect.

BAD STORY END 3:

pretty much jumin’s BE2, if you werent assertive enough with him re: his possession/control issues on day 9, he never gets over them. when elizabeth is returned he locks her back up and insists that you continue to stay with him as well, canon BE2 ensues.

i gotta hand it to cheritz. its a really good bad ending and theres not much i wanna change about it. its so scary in a calm sort of way, which i think is the perfect vibe for a dangerously unhealthy jumin. if only people would stop fetishizing it lolol

party (GE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first

date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he then decides that the two of you have been there long enough to fulfill your obligations, and that no one could really begrudge you if you “took off” a little early. you guys fly to paris that night and have that dinner on top of the eiffel tower.

the ending cg isn’t a kiss one, but a more simple, sweet one of the two of you in a dimly lit restaurant, jumin listening to you talk with the most tender, loving look in his eyes.

party (NE ver):

you and jumin mingle with the guests and the other members for a bit, but as the evening goes on, jumin gets restless. he pulls you aside and tells you that, while you did a wonderful job planning the party, he can’t help but regret that your guys’ first date is technically a work function. especially when the fake first date you told his father was so perfect. he laments the fact that if he was caught shirking responsibilities to take you on a real date, the press would have a field day with it, but promises to make it up to you, and take you out on a proper one tomorrow.

this cg is the two of you dancing at the rfa party, jumin resting his chin on the top of your head and daydreaming out loud about everything the two of you could do on your real first date.

[viewfromthevault]

Fallout OC Interview

Thanks to the lovely @tarberrymentats for the tag 💜

Rules

Choose an oc

Answer the questions as that oc

Tag 5 people to do the same

I’ll tag @nonbinaryrobot @rogue-lavellan @drneverland @commonwealthcommoner and whoever else wants to do it because I never know if I’m bugging people by tagging them or not 🤣

Gonna do this with Lesley

Okay so I got waaayy carried away and thought maybe I should throw this under a read more for the sake of your dashboards.

1. What is you’re name?

“Lesley Elvira Mathews. Not a real fan of Elvira so don’t call me that unless you wanna get whacked.”

2. How old are you?

“Shit, I dunno. I was nineteen when I got the boot. How many years ago was that now?”

(Lesley’s timeline is a bit funky at the moment. I wanna say this takes place after main story stuff and before fo4, so she’ll be in her early twenties)

3. What do you look like?

“A fucking legend.”

4. Where are you from? Where do you live now?

“See, I thought I was born in Vault 101, but actually I was born somewhere in the wasteland then grew up in the vault. Not a fun environment to grow up in, to tell you the truth. A lotta assholes livin’ there, except Amata.

“I’m happy to say that now I live in my very own house in Megaton. It’s not a super private place, though. Gotta few couch surfers.”

5. What was your childhood like?

“Could’ve been better, actually. Like I said before, there were a lot of assholes in 101. Had a real hard time making friends. People liked to call me the problem kid because I got in a lot of fights, but I didn’t start all of them and those fuckers had it coming. Grown-ups complained about me all the time and the Overseer hated my guts, but that’s ok because I hated his about the same.

“I guess it wasn’t all bad, though. My dads were pretty great, even when James was too busy being James. Granny Palmer used to look after me when they were both busy, she was really nice. And then there’s my best friend, Amata. If it weren’t for her I probably would have went nuts in there.”

6. What groups are you friendly with? Are you allied with any factions?

“I currently do work with Reilly’s Rangers and the Regulators. I get to run around the wastes and kill bad guys for money?? They had me at ‘caps.’

“I used to be part of the Brotherhood of Steel, though I don’t remember actually signing up or anything. They dropped my sorry ass as soon as they thought I wasn’t useful anymore. Bastards.

“This one lady also said I could be part of this Railroad group if I didn’t tell this fancy suit where this android person went. Still waiting for them to call me back.”

7. Tell me about your best friend.

“It used to be Amata, but we went our separate ways. Good terms, though. The fella that fills that role now is the bee’s fuckin’ knees. Tall, knows his way around a gun, kinda cranky, but he has a secret softy side.”

8. Do you have a family? Tell me about them!

“Well, the family I told you about earlier kinda fell in on itself when James fucked off. Jonas was murdered and I got stuck with the blame, James zapped himself with enough radiation to ghoulify a super mutant. Last I checked, Granny Palmer was ok, as okay as you can be when your only grandson is killed. I don’t know if she’s still around. I also had a mom once, she died about five minutes after I was born.

“The family I got now? Pretty bomb. There’s aunt Cross, though I don’t get to see her much anymore, Butch who surprisingly is like a brother to me, Fawkes the coolest meta human around, Dogmeat the goodest boy, that little urchin from Lamplight that shows up now and then to drink all my Nuka-Cola, and Charon of course. I’d say Wadsworth, too, but he’d take offense to that.”

9. What about partner or partners?

“Oh man he’s fuckin’ great. Lots of people are scared of him, but he’s real sweet when you take the time to know him. A complete badass that I would absolutely die for. A lot smarter and funnier than people give him credit for. He’s one of the few people who actually listens to me and doesn’t get mad when I get to yakking too much. Is willing to stick his neck out for me, not that I want him to do that, mind you, but it’s real nice to know he’d never throw me to the wolves like others would. Nice ass... what were we talking about?”

10. Have you ever heard of the Brotherhood of Steel? What do you think about them?

“Uh, yeah? I just told you I was with them once. To be honest, though, they’re far from perfect. Sarah and the old man are pretty great, and Cross of course. But there’s a lot of shit that goes down without the old man knowing about it. I wouldn’t be surprised to hear the guy died under ‘mysterious circumstances’ and they put up some wet mop in his place.”

11. Who are your enemies, and why?

“Jeeze who isn’t? I don’t know who’s paying them, but the Talon Company is dead set on killing my ass. Their client could be slavers since they hate me with a passion. Arefu doesn’t like me for some reason (ooc: thanks for the gitch, game). I don’t have enough fingers to count this shit out.

12. What about the Enclave?

“Those motherfuckers are lucky I wasn’t at Adams Airforce Base. I’d teach them the meaning of the word slaughter.”

13. How do you feel about super mutants?

“They’re real fun to fight with, but it’d be nice if they didn’t always try to shoot you on sight you know? Why can’t they be more chill like Fawkes?”

14. Have you ever fought a deathclaw?

*points at stump* “The fuck do you think?”

15. What’s the craziest fight you’ve ever been in?

“Me and a bunch of folks took over a spaceship once.”

16. Do you like fighting?

“Does a yao guai shit in a landfill?”

17. What’s your weapon of choice?

“I’m a real fan of stabbing shit, so I mostly work with swords. I have this neat ass one I made myself from schematics I got from vampires, don’t ask, I like to call Shishkebab. That baby has a funky little function where the blade catches fire, which is pretty damn cool if you ask me. I also got a neat sword with an electrified blade from a weird pre-war bunker thing.”

18. How do you survive? Your wits, your charm, your skills, brute force, some combination? (a.k.a. what’s your S.P.E.C.I.A.L.?)

“I’m fast, strong and I talk real good.”

[S-7 P-5 E-7 C-7 I-5 A-6 L-5]

19. Have you ever been in a vault? What do you think of them?

“Yes, I grew up in one. Keep up! As for the others I’ve seen, I guess I should consider myself lucky that I was stuck with the one I was. Vault-Tec is fucked, man.”

20. How do you beat all the radiation around here? Has it effected you?

“Rad-X and Radaway are pretty expensive, so for the most part I just try to stay away from it. I did intentionally get super sick from radiation once, but as far as I know it didn’t have any lasting effects.”

21. What’s your favourite wasteland critter?

“Dogmeat. He hasn’t tried to eat me yet.”

22. What’s your least favourite wastelad critter?

“Fucking mirelurks. With their big meaty claws and their gross shells, swimming arounf waiting to get you by the ankle. I hear they have more legs in other parts of the country.”

23. How do you feel about robots?

“I guess they’re ok. I wouldn’t put a whole lot of trust in them, but if they don’t bother me then I won’t bother them.”

24. How many caps do you have on you right now?

“Not enough for you to wanna mug me for after this wraps up if that’s what you’re asking.” (she’s fucking broke)

25. Nuka-Cola or Sunset Sasparilla?

“Sunset Saspawhat?”

26. Do you do chems?

“Only when I need to, they’re too expensive otherwise.”

27. Do you ever think about the pre-war world?

“What is there to think about? They fucked up the world and now we have to deal with the consequences.”

28. What’s your deepest regret? What would you do differently?

“Maybe if I got to Dad sooner he wouldn’t have died. Maybe neither of them would have died. I don’t know.”

29. What’s your biggest achievement? Or what do you hope to achieve?

“I guess my biggest achievement would be getting to where I am now, finding a place and people who like me because I’m me. Learning that I can be loved. Mushy shit.”

30. What do you want for the future? For yourself? Your friends? The world?

“To be able to live freely and happily no matter how you look or act. To always have an adventure waiting around the corner. I just want us all to have a good time, you know?”

[salvatoreschool]

‘Legacies’: Danielle Rose Russell on Miss Mystic Falls, the Finale, and All That Screaming

In the latest episode of The CW series Legacies, entitled “Let’s Just Finish the Dance,” the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, and all of the competition and stress that accompanies it, forced Hope (Danielle Rose Russell) to deal with all of the emotions that she’s been trying to compartmentalize for some time now. And with the fallout of her actions leaving her and Landon (Aria Shahghasemi) on the outs, Hope will turn to Lizzie (Jenny Boyd) to help her make things right.

During this 1-on-1 phone interview with Collider, actress Danielle Rose Russell (who has given a terrific and beautifully nuanced performance this season) talked about Hope’s participation in the Miss Mystic Falls pageant, what she thought about the meaning behind the special dress that Hope wore, the dynamic between Hope and Lizzie, why she only screams once per season, Hope and Landon’s relationship, her reaction to learning about what Landon actually is, why she loves the idea of Hosie (Hope and Josie), how she feels about the season finale, and what she’s most enjoyed about Hope’s journey this season.

Collider: Clearly, Hope has been having a rough time of things lately, with everything that she’s been going through. So, do all of those bad things help make the fact that she has to be in the Miss Mystic Falls pageant seem a little less awful, or does it just feel like the cherry on top of the awfulness cake?

DANIELLE ROSE RUSSELL: I think she thinks that it’s gonna help her, which is why she even agreed to do it and doesn’t put up much of a fight because, more than anything, she really needs to be distracted. But, it definitely is the cherry on top of the awfulness cake.

As much as she protests all of this, do you think Hope also is at least a tiny bit secretly happy that she decided to do this pageant?

RUSSELL: I think that there’s a part of her that allows herself to pay tribute to the Mikaelson way. The Mikaelsons were always throwing balls and parties and extravagant get-togethers, or whatever you want to call them, so there’s a part of her that allows herself to be into that a little bit. Of course, she is very much a girl, and I think that she does like to get into a dress and put her make-up on and do her hair. But honestly, she probably mostly wants nothing to do with this. It’s just that, with all of the things that have happened recently, she’s almost forced to do it. She has no other choice.

In order to win this pageant, she finds herself taking advice from Lizzie (Jenny Boyd), which just doesn’t seem like it can go well. What did you enjoy about getting to explore what the two of them can accomplish together, when they’re not annoying each other?

RUSSELL: You see how they do help each other. It’s definitely an interesting dynamic that has mostly occurred off screen. When Legacies picked up, we never really saw the history between both of the twins. There are definitely more developments that need to happen, with both of the twins, though Hope’s relationship with Lizzie does become significant and they do help each other out, in the face of danger. I always think it’s really nice to see characters band together and fight for what they all believe in.

It’s certainly cathartic, any time you have a lot of stress and things going on, to just go into a wide open space and scream. What was it like to shoot that, and how many times did you have to scream?

RUSSELL: Well, I did a lot of screaming in The Originals, and I hurt my voice so badly that I said, “I can’t scream, if you want me to be able to work, for like the next three days.” So, what I usually do is that I scream once in the season, and we’ll just use that scream, all throughout, or extend it, or do whatever we need to do. And then, I open my mouth and pretend like I’m screaming, the whole time. So, it’s a little secret, but in order to save my voice and work, I couldn’t actually scream.

I love that the dress Hope wears for Miss Mystic Falls turns out to have more meaning than even she realizes. What was your own personal reaction to learning about the dress that you’d be wearing and what the meaning was behind it?

RUSSELL: I was definitely surprised. I did a lot of thinking about it because, to me, it didn’t really seem like something that would cause the reaction that it did. I realized that it wasn’t just the dress. It was so many more things that had happened to Hope, between Landon and all of these different things that had happened that really forced her to just cry. The dress is just a literal reminder of the fact that she doesn’t have her dad, who is the person that she probably would have gone to about something like this. She doesn’t really have anyone, so it’s like seeing a little girl just needing her dad. The dress just happened to be playing that role. But it was definitely a process to try to get the dress to work because, obviously, it was made for someone seven inches taller than I am. I’m actually very short, so it was definitely a struggle. Our fashion department spent countless hours trying to make it work, and it did.

When you’re doing a Miss Mystic Falls episode, because it has played such a role in the lifespan of this universe, do you feel an extra sense of responsibility, in doing your version of that?

RUSSELL: Yeah. On the day of shooting it, I was like, “Oh, I’m Miss Mystic Falls.” I watched that episode of The Vampire Diaries when I was 11 years old, so on that day of shooting, I was like, “I’m Miss Mystic Falls. This is a little weird.” How life comes full circle, sometimes. Our director, Geoff Shotz, has done three other Miss Mystic Falls episodes, so I was jaded about the dress and he was jaded over doing the episode. He was like, “I can’t, with Miss Mystic Falls. This just never dies.” It was very funny, and we had a lot of fun.

What do you think about the relationship between Hope and Landon, at this point? Are you optimistic for their future, or are you just sort of always waiting for the other shoe to drop, especially on this show?

RUSSELL: I’m definitely always waiting for the other shoe to drop, but I think it’s the relationship that makes the most sense for Hope. Their journey together is gonna be one of ups and downs, but I have a lot of hope and faith in their love, and I know that they care for each other. We’ll see what happens with that. It definitely will play a huge part in how the season ends, but for now, just stay tuned.

What was your own reaction to finally learning what Landon actually is?

RUSSELL: I read that script in the hair and make-up trailer, literally seconds after production delivered it to everyone. I skimmed through it and got to the very end, and I literally started to scream. I was like, “Oh, my gosh, you guys aren’t gonna believe what Landon is!” I got everyone so excited about it, and I called Aria because he wasn’t on set. He had gone home because he wasn’t in the episode before that one, and I was like, “You have to call me back, as soon as you can. You’re not gonna believe what you are. It’s so cool!” I’ve been holding in this secret for so long. I’d do interviews and be like, “We’re gonna explore what Landon is, and we’ve never explored it before, in this way.” Now that it’s finally out, I can take a deep breath because everyone is experiencing what I’ve been experiencing for months.

It’s so cool that a universe like this, that’s been around for so many seasons and three different shows, can still find so many new aspects to explore. There’s been so much new stuff, this season, that I never expected, that’s made the show so cool to watch.

RUSSELL: Yes, I think so, too. What was important for Legacies to actually be a successful show is that we had to introduce new mythology. We definitely have, and it still lives in the same world, but these mythological creatures and beings and magic have also existed for millenniums, and they’re now revealing themselves in Legacies. It’s been a lot of fun to explore new mythology.

Are you surprised at how much “Hosie” has become a thing, and how much people are loving the idea of Hope and Josie?

RUSSELL: Yes! We’re very surprised. We talk about it, all the time. It’s funny because Kaylee [Bryant] and I call each other our wives. It’s why we started the whole Hosie thing, and it really caught on with people. We wanted to see that relationship happen when it was right, so in the alternate universe, you saw Hope and Josie get very flirty, I guess you could say. That definitely felt like the right time for that. If it doesn’t make sense, then obviously we would never want anything that doesn’t make sense to be in the show. But I think it definitely fit into the story, as well as it could.

Without giving anything away, what was your reaction, the first time that you read the season finale script? How did you feel about where Hope will be left, at the end of this season?

RUSSELL: I had heard rumors about how our season was gonna end, since the middle the season. We all talked about it and said, “Oh, my god, if the season ends that way, that would be so cool. It makes total sense.” Like everything, so much information had already been revealed, at that point, so it was something that made the most sense, for Hope and this entire world. So, when I finally got the script, I was very, very happy to see that that’s what happens, and I can’t wait for the audience to see it, too. I think it’s gonna really, really shock people.

Over the course of this season, Hope has gone from being totally closed off, emotionally, and pushing everyone away, to having friends, having a boyfriend, and opening herself up enough to actually care for people and to let people care about her. How do you feel about her evolution, this season? What has been your favorite thing about telling her story?

RUSSELL: I’ve really loved her evolution this season. I think that the only way for the character to develop properly, and to do justice to her and her process for what she’s gone through, was for her to love, and to develop relationships and friendships, so I’m happy that she’s beginning to do so. In the beginning of the season, she goes on a journey from being vengeful, and having vengeful reactions to people that have hurt her, to forgiving and to seeing her be loved, and that’s really been beautiful. I hope I can continue to do that. I have a lot of hopes for her, for Season 2, and I’m really excited to see what everyone thinks about how the season ends.

[cptsrogers-archive]

@shellheadtm said:five times kissed - i realized i didn't send this to steve, so now you have to suffer again ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

one.

It was weird, right? That they were dating now, it was weird? Kind of? Maybe? And yet, at the same exact time--it just made sense. Nothing really changed. They were still completely in sync--more, maybe, now that they knew each other’s heart’s fully. Had taken the time to talk things out. Was actually talking about things--hard things. His disappearance. Tony’s coma. The fallout from both.

It was the closest they’d been in years. Maybe since the beginning. And yet... he was still hesitant at kissing him. So afraid of messing it up. He knew he was a good kisser, logically, that physically he was fine, desirable, that really wasn’t the issue. They’d both had lovers, this wasn’t anything to do with that it was just--just that nagging voice in the back of his head that said what if. What if, after all this time--after everything they’ve been through--after longing and waiting and doing his damndest not to think about it--

What if it wasn’t good? What if he wasn’t enough?

They had dinner. Quiet, small, local. Italian. Candle lit. Full romance, brought to you by Steve Rogers. Because if he did this, they both knew what was going on. They’d both be on the same page. A nice evening. A lot of staring. A lot of slow smiles, hand holding, feet brushing against calves.

So it really wasn’t a surprise when Steve was pressed up against the elevator wall, Tony’s fingers running up his sides, holding onto his hips, angling his head slightly, lips hovering just slightly off of his. Tony’s want was clear. Steve was more than interested. He just had to close the distance.

Slowly, hesitantly, he leaned in, lightly brushing his lips against Tony’s. The mustache tickled. His lips were still sweet, from the dessert. Cherries and some sort of chocolate mousse--the name escaped him right now, with the flavor right on his tongue. Dessert had been good the first time around, but it was so much better now, with Tony. Everything was always so much better with Tony.

two.

He’s learned a lot. He already knew a lot about Tony, about his tics and habits. His tells. But now it was all about learning the physical. How he liked to be touched. His boundaries. What places thrilled him more than others. And it was fun learning. As fast a learner as Steve was, he liked taking his time with this.

One of Tony’s--and his--favorite spots was his neck. So sensitive. Delicate. And vulnerable. Tony was open, trusting, with him. The few times Steve took control--because, all appearances to the contrary, he much preferred handing over control to someone else in bed--it always stared with the neck. Fingertips trailing down Tony’s jaw, right along the side of his neck, feeling the pulse, the bit of sweat. His lips were always sure to follow, on the other side, gentle, at first. Just lips, soft, trailing from just below his ear to the fine line of his collar bone, the hollow of his throat, tongue dipping, and that’s where he’d take his first nip. Not hard, not enough to bruise, not yet.

Usually, by that point, Tony had gotten handsy and things escalated, and soon Steve wasn’t being quite as careful, sucking messy marks into his neck, hand pressing against his chest, feeling the smooth skin, feeling his heartbeat. Steady. Strong. Good.

“So beautiful. So beautiful.”

three.

"Ow, shit.” He looked back at the lamp he’d just knocked over with his elbow, sending it shattering to the floor. Oh well. Not important. Tony could buy a new one.

As if to emphasize the importance of now, Tony’s fingers scraped up Steve’s abs, a particular favorite of his that had his hips rolling and his attention snapping back to Tony. He could feel Tony’s mouth, hot on his neck, and he moaned, hands blindly reaching for Tony’s shirt.

sshhhrrriiip

“You know. That was my favorite shirt.” Well shit again. He looked at the two halves of the shirt now in his left and right hands, eyes flicking up at Tony who just shrugged.

Dropping the cloth, he pulled Tony close by the hips, leaving a line of kisses down his throat and over his shoulder. “I like you better naked anyway.”

Tony turned them, pulling Steve along as he backed towards the bed--which was a touch closer than expected, sending them both toppling, all limbs tangled together--

CRACK!

Steve pushed back away from Tony, eyes wide. He’d hit his head on the headboard, and while it certainly wasn’t the worst injury they’d ever had, and not concussion-worthy either, it was still enough to give them both pause. Steve slowed, his fingers coming to hold either side of Tony’s face, laughing quietly. “Maybe we should slow down a bit.”

He slid down Tony’s body, pressing him gently to the bed, running his knuckles against Tony’s cheek as he leaned in, kissing him slowly, deeply. There was no rush, not in this. The need, the want was still there--always had been, always would be--but he could let it simmer. Let them have their slow, easy love. This was their time. They were going to make the most of it.

four.

Meetings all morning. Avengers budgets and investing, the charity programs they funded, then scheduling--which hero was going where and when. Briefings. Phone calls. To say he was busy would’ve been an understatement.

Then the call went out--not Avengers, but for him. Crossbones, doing some stupid shit again, like holding up a bank with Sin. He suited up and jogged towards the hangar, knowing it’d be much, much easier if he flew to the spot rather than tried to drive.

As he moved down the hallway, he passed Tony--then stopped. “Hey, Tony.”

They’d seen each other that morning--early for both of them. Board meetings and project reviews claimed Tony’s schedule, and he’d probably just come up to raid the fridge for lunch. This would probably be the only time he’d get to see him all day.

Tony paused, looking up from a file. “Need me to suit up?”

The hope there was enough to make Steve chuckle. He really did love being Iron Man. So did Steve. “No, I can handle this. Besides, don’t you have that big acquisitions meeting?”

Tony’s nose wrinkled, and Steve smiled again. But instead of turning to leave, he took a few long strides back towards Tony, reaching up with the hand that wasn’t holding the shield and cupping the back of his neck, bringing the other in for a hard kiss.

“For good luck.” Steve licked his lips, still sharing space with Tony, giving the back of his neck a little squeeze. “I think you’re gonna need it.”

Tony snorted and Steve’s grin widened as he turned away. The quick slap to his ass had him dancing away, turning back with his eyes wide, only to receive a rather lewd wink from Tony.

Steve was grinning all the way to the quinjet, and his face didn’t cool off until after take off.

five.

"So my assistant says you cleared my schedule for a ’national emergency’?”

Steve closed his eyes and sighed, head tipping back towards the sky. “I asked if she’d block out your dinner time slot, so we could have a rooftop dinner.”

He gestured to the spread around him--picnic blanket and basket, pasta salad, roast chicken, potato soup, a dozen other greens and vegetables, and mulled cider to keep of the encroaching cold. Nonalcoholic, of course, just simmered over the stove all day. “And before you worry--no, I didn’t cook a single thing here, it was all Jarvis. So, it’s--it’s actually edible.”

He held out his hand, waiting for Tony to kick off his shoes and lose the tie and jacket before sprawling on some of the cushions he’d brought up here. Steve huffed, then pulled Tony towards him, so his back was pressed against his front, laying between his legs. It was, obviously, the best way to keep warm.

“You’ve been working hard, lately. I just thought we could... I don’t know, enjoy a sunset. Figured if I kept it close to home and without telling anyone we might actually get to do it.” Their last three dates had been interrupted--honestly, he’d probably broken a few of Hyde’s ribs on that last one out of frustration--and he just wanted a quiet evening with his partner at this point.

Tipping Tony’s head back, he brushed their noses together with a grin, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Love you.”

The smile didn’t fade, instead growing as he kissed his way down towards Tony’s ear, wrapping his arms around his chest and holding him close. “I love you, Tony.”

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x14 I’m Finding My Bliss

Click here for previous recaps!

 Stray thoughts

1) Get yourself a BFF like Rebecca…

2) Will the theatre be yet another… art form… that breaks her heart? Or will it help her find herself and be who she is supposed to be?

3) Why do I have the feeling that Valencia is going to get dumped?

4) Oh, Other Rebecca, at least we now know one of the reasons you’re all fucked up…

5) So… Greg, Nathaniel, and Josh are all acting somewhat unlike themselves in order to be close to Rebecca. And they get called on it. By Heather, a prison inmate, and a fish respectively. Makes sense. And it can’t possibly end well.

6) So, Valencia didn’t get dumped, but she definitely didn’t get what she was expecting. And her first reaction is to flee… I’m sorry but I can’t see how this is an issue? Why doesn’t she propose to Beth? Why does she need to be proposed to?

7) I know I probably say this every other episode, but seriously, BLESS VALENCIA. She’s always the voice of reason and she always speaks her mind and says what needs to be said. Case in point:

REBECCA: I'm home. This. This is where I'm meant to be.

VALENCIA: Hmm, you've never actually done this before. Are you sure it'll be everything you want it to be?

REBECCA: Correction, I have done it before. In camp, in college, and in prison. But those times were different, because I was doing it for fun not now. Now's real. And whatever this turns out to be, I think it can make me happy. Truly happy.

VALENCIA: But what if it doesn't? And I'm telling you from experience, sometimes the thing or person you think will make you happy doesn't.

Rebecca has this tendency to place this huge HAPPINESS label on people or things – just on this ONE person or this ONE thing that is meant to work out and deliver her Bliss. And I just wish she’d learn once and for all that happiness shouldn’t depend on only one thing or person in your life. First of all, that’s a recipe for disaster because the fallout when it doesn’t work out is catastrophic. Second of all, that’s a tremendously unrealistic expectation. Happiness is fleeting and it comes in different shapes and sizes and it’s brought about by so many different things and people in our lives. I guess what I wish for Rebecca is for her to stop and look at her life and realize she’s surrounded by things and people that bring her joy in different doses and that she’s been wasting so much time looking for the One Thing that would deliver True Happiness that she’s been missing out on actually being happy right now.

7) Oh, sweet untalented Rebecca…

8) Oh my god, I adore her?

Is Greg also going to get involved in this play somehow?

9) Oh, the wonderful meta…

10) How exactly did Rebecca get the best song…? Did Nathaniel meddle?

11) Oh, they brought this boy back!

I was rewatching season 1 a while back and I kept wondering why they never even mentioned him again.

12) I wonder if Rebecca’s newfound perspective on this song will mirror her own so-called passion for musical theatre? She’s seeing this song in a new light, and as it turns out, she doesn’t feel about it like she used to because she’s changed. She’s not the same person who wanted to “lasso a husband”, and she’s not the same person who used to sing musical theatre songs to cope with her harsh reality.

13) And I’m glad that she’s quickly questioning this same thing herself.

14) She’s rewriting the song! I love her!

15) She should just write her own play, tbh. She might not be a good singer, but we know all the songs she’s sung in her head and they’re freaking awesome.

16) Awww, Darryl is so heartbroken that Paula might accept another firm’s offer… but like, she’s earned it and she deserves it!

17) Oh my god, these songs were definitely problematic…

He hits me but he don't mean no harm

Those slaps are part of his Piratish charm

Sometimes I say "Stop it," but deep down I know

If I didn't like it I would have left long ago

18) The character song is about apples, wtf is this weird show, I love it.

19) OMG

DARRYL: That is it, April. I'm an apple man. Paula is my apple, and I need to try new fruit but I can't, because I'm afraid of all the change at work. Nathaniel came in and Karen left, and then Bert came in and Jim left. And then he came back and then Rebecca left. And through it all, Paula has been there, and that's why I'm so upset.

APRIL: You got all of that from "Apple Man"?

DARRYL: Yes, of course.

APRIL: But you didn't get it from the song, "Good Bosses and Friends Let Their Employees Soar Elsewhere If Need Be"?

DARRYL: No, I, I didn't connect with that one.

She’s his best friend, so why would he want her to go?

20) I cried…

I don’t know why this line delivered such an emotional punch for me. It just brought back the memories of Rebecca at the beginning of the season when she felt no one understood what she was going through and what she was feeling, and now she said this and I was overwhelmed by the layers of meaning. What a beautiful moment! She’s not singing the song, she’s not in the spotlight, and someone else is singing her song, and it’s perfect.

21) Greg’s restaurant opening went great, and I feel so proud of my dysfunctional baby!

22) Oh my god, is he going to sing a reprise of “What will it be”? I might die!

23) I cried, again. What is this episode doing to me?

I wasn’t expecting that, and it was perfect and beautiful and all I’ve ever wanted for Greg. He’s made peace with his past and with this town and he’s made something of himself, and I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this – I’m actually crying as I write this. I think it finally hit me that this is it, this is the last season, this is the last we’ll see of these wonderful, weird, messy characters and I don’t think I’m ready.

24) Rebecca and Nathaniel almost kissed, and I don’t know how I feel about it.

25) Oh, fuck and now the music for “You’re my best friend (and I know I’m not yours)” plays while Darryl and Paula talk about their friendship and I’m crying again? What the fuck is wrong with me today?

26) Valencia just gave Beth and all-tomato.

27) Greg is bringing Rebecca some lasagna and she’s singing about lassoing a husband and…

28) What an unexpectedly emotional episode, at least for me. Was I overreacting? Did all of you get all teary-eyed like I did? I can’t believe this show is almost over!!!

29) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[svartalfhild]

2018, I Won’t Miss You

A.k.a. I call out this year for all the ways it fucked me over and reflect on a few good experiences.

This year was the first year I’ve ever had a smart phone, which ended up being pretty damn useful, even essential at some points.  However, the counterbalance was that I had to go through finding out how to live in a post-school existence, and that was not pretty, because it put me at all new levels of social isolation and uncertainty.  I stressed super hard about finding a new job.  I ultimately didn’t get one and lost hours at my current job because I thought I was going to be transitioning to a better job at a toy store, but they laid me off only a few weeks after hiring me to replace me with someone with better availability.  They said I could stay on as a “seasonal worker” but it’s past Christmas and I haven’t been asked to fill a single shift since they benched me in September, so saying I still work there is kind of a joke at this point.

The good news is, despite the stress of failing to get a better job, I’ve added art as an occasional source of extra income, starting with doing the cover illustration for a short story my mother published earlier this year and later with opening commissions to the online community.

My mental health didn’t have a super great year, though, especially in the first half.  On top of the job bullshit and the dealing with not knowing how to live life without school, I was feeling intensely bleak about my existence.  I was in an excruciating amount of emotional pain because of things I couldn’t control, and it festered because I had the free time to ruminate about how lonely and dejected I felt.  I hadn’t felt quite that bad in several years, actually.  It’s hard to compete with the shit I was going through in middle school, but this came alarmingly close. 

I think my biggest mistake was trying to force myself to be fine again as soon as possible when it took me a couple years to get past the shit that plagued me when I was 12.  I honestly think, though, that there was a little while there from about July to late September when I was coping pretty well.  I don’t know what happened in late spring to make that happen, but I was in a state of higher functioning for a bit in the summer.

The sad thing is that here at the end of the year, I am once again struggling with the same shit; I’m just a whole lot better with how that affects my behaviour towards other people now.  I do feel like I’ve learned how to better interact with people and shield those I love from the worst of my mental health nonsense.  In turn, I think that has greatly improved my relationships and made me less prone to beating myself up over the things I say.  Progress.

And hey!  I did manage to do some pretty rad things this year, despite all the crap my physical and mental health were hefting onto me.  I got on a plane for the first time and traveled by myself to Oregon to be with some of my closest friends, who I’d only ever known through the internet before.  We went to a convention together and had a really awesome time getting our asses kicked at AtlA themed dodgeball dressed as our DnD characters.  I went through a haunted house for the first time and found out that I’m too rational to be scared by a lot of that sort of stuff (but it was still fun).  I got to go to huge bookstore and see a first American edition of Fellowship of the Ring.  I think the best part of that whole trip, though, was just living with friends and getting a taste of what life without my family’s control could be like.  For once in my life, I trusted that everyone and everything was going to be okay, and for a few days, I was really happy.  Because of that, though, I spent a lot of the day that I left crying or trying not to cry.  Having so much of what you want and then having to leave it is...really upsetting, as it turns out.

But anyway.  I also managed to complete an application to grad school, so even though my whole Find A Good Job plan didn’t work, I still took a step towards some kind of life goal and I don’t have to have a total existential crisis just yet.  I don’t have high expectations about being accepted, but I do have some hopes and that’s something I can hold onto going into next year.

A lot changed with my family this past year.  Dealing with the wake of my grandfather’s sudden death was a major issue all year that seemed almost handled until my grandmother died just a couple months ago, which threw everything back into chaos and despair.  Death and loss have been an awful theme for me this year in general.  On top of my grandparents’ deaths, my dad’s best friend committed suicide, and a friend of mine, who I know to have been suicidal in the past, completely disappeared from the internet when I wasn’t looking, and I was unable to track her down to find out if she was okay.  Other friends lost people who were dear to them as well.  The world was ravaged by increasingly terrible disasters on top of that.  Needless to say, my empathy circuits are fucking fried.

Thankfully, life handed me some pretty great distractions from its bullshit, like an awesome DnD campaign and lots of time with assorted other TTRPGs, or numerous video games like Pillars of Eternity II: Deadire, Fallout 4, and Overwatch.  Netflix brought me countless hours of enjoyment, and my brother got me to watch all of Stargate SG1 with him, which I wasn’t super into at first, but it grew on me.  I started knitting again for the first time in years, because I love knitting scarves for people.  I did a lot of fic writing, but it wasn’t really fanfiction so much as additional content for my tabletop games.  Same goes for art. 

It’s been over a year now since I’ve posted any proper fanfic or fanart, which feels weird, but I think I’ve become so exhausted with the politics of being a fan content creator that I haven’t had the motivation for it.  It’s much easier to keep your passion for something going when you don’t hope to attract the attention of thousands of people, and instead you’re making things for a story you made up with your closest friends.  The only people whose attention you need to care about then are a handful of people who are already inherently invested.

Of course, that’s not to say that I don’t get sad about my work sometimes anyway, regardless of what I’m creating and for whom.  Depression is and has been a real dick this year, and it made me procrastinate on my grad app manuscript to the point where I had to stress years off my life cramming the creation of a 10k word original short story into a single month just before the deadline.  I managed it, though, and that’s the important thing.

I don’t know what to expect from 2019 except more nonsense, because there’s always copious amounts of nonsense.  Having high expectations, given what the past few years have been like, seems rather silly at this point.  I suppose what the new year shapes up to be will largely hinge on whether I get accepted to grad school in March or not.  If I do, then it’ll be a year of big change in my life, going away to live on my own in a different state.  If I don’t, then it’ll just be More Of Same, still living with my parents, working part-time at a shit food service job, looking for a new job, and tearing my hair out trying to get everything together for more grad school applications. 

One way or the other, though, I intend to try to finally get treatment for my mental illness.  I am tired of being like this and I’m tired of having my memory and focus abilities steadily destroyed by this shit.  If anything goes right next year, let it be that.