#i hope you like bl and depression

[ra-vio]

Recovering from sickness. It snowed recently.

[the-bloody-sadist]

in case no one else has asked, please list your top 10 BL manga/manwha? 👀

i am. very interested in what other media you enjoy, especially BL

Combining these two bc I didn't wanna leave the second out!

(I wasn't a big fan of Blood Bank personally but I'm so glad it helped you with your world building Lil Whale!!)

I'm hoping some of these are unheard of for you guys because THERE ARE SO MANY BL/YAOI AND I READ THEM CONSTANTLY BUT NOT SO MANY ARE FANTASTIC AND MIND-BLOWING AND SPECTACULAR AND DEEPLY PSYCHOLOGICAL! I'm pretty sure I'll end up listing WAY more than 10, mainly because I want to highlight ones I feel like a lot of people haven't read. ALSO because I read so fucking many of them that I've collected a stash and NOW IS MY CHANCE TO YELL ABOUT THEM.

Just a disclaimer, these are not in any sort of order, as they're all about the same level in my head, just grouped. I'll list the "big name" BLs that I adore after these! First up are the ones that either have a quiet fandom or aren't well known! Since there'll be so many, I'm not going to say much about them, just know that usually no BL/Yaoi is perfect to me, since there are many bad psychology tropes here and there or unnecessary cruelties that aren't exactly realistic etc., but overall, I like the way that the story and characters are handled and/or love the art.

Here's the top five of my top ten that's not a top ten bc there are so many (I just said I wouldn't group them but I lied my ass off apparently):

Jealousy [Scarlet Beriko]: This is one of those that emotionally hits so hard that it will stick with me forever and I will usually tear up just a tiny bit when I think back to the moments that made this one so beautiful. A lot of times a story with major hurt, angst, and tragedy won't wrap up with enough to make me scream and cheer at the end. But THIS ONE DID. And I stopped reading for a while when a big event happened because I thought it would end horribly and I'd have to suffer three weeks of fiction-induced depression for a man who wasn't even real. BUT NAY. The themes you get in this one revolve around loneliness (huge draw for me, it always hits), mafia-connected characters and the rivalries from that, self-destructive prostitution, and characters who have difficulty receiving love without freaking out. Are those even themes idk. OH WELL. YOU GET THE POINT. I want this one on my shelf. You might've heard of it, but the fandom is silent so I never did. T_T OH ALSO THE ART ON THIS ONE IS GORGEOUS I FUCKING LOVE IT.

Hitori to Hitori no 3650nichi [Hitomi]: First of all, favorite manga artist. FAVORITE MANGA ARTIST. I'm never exactly sure if the artist is also the writer or if the writer is never the artist or...BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER. Anyway! I listed this particular title because it was the first that I found by this person - but then I discovered it was a part of a bigger series, and there are like I DON'T KNOW FIVE DIFFERENT MANGA?? OR SOMETHING??? Related to this one. I don't know which order, I just know that I read them all in a frenzy. THE CHARACTERS. OH! OH THE CHARACTERS! Oh my gods, it's so good. LMFAO. The arcs these characters have are fantastic, and I loved the fact that the abuser in one is shown to be the victim of abuse in a prequel story, and that his anger issues and other elements of his personality came about to affect him and destroy him. Just...I don't recall the details, READ IT. That's all. Spectacular depictions of nuanced trauma within abusive relationships.

The Beast Must Die [Lee Hyeon Sook]: This remains one of my favorite depictions IN ANY MEDIA of a psychopath, because it's SO accurate and I'm SO fucking proud of the author for doing their research and OH MY GODS YOU GUYS IT'S ABOUT TO GET A DRAMA CD LET'S FUCKING GO! This story is so good. It's so evil. It's so psycho-thriller. It's so WELL DONE. It features a dark academia-ish secret society within a college setting who hunt people for sport, sometimes. LIKE. Come on. And the psychopath (dark hair) IS THE MAIN LOVE INTEREST! You could literally hear the summary and go "oh this is for Sadist". And I don't get a lot of those that deliver this well. SOMETIMES the art makes me twist my head a little but YOU KNOW WHAT I DO NOT CARE OKAY? It's just SO good. There's murder, there's kidnapping, and - most importantly - a main character who doesn't just DEAL with whatever the psychopath does. He's smart, he fights back, he learns to understand psychopathy to determine if he should remain with the love interest...it's fantastic. That's all. I will stop. *BANGS THE WALL*

Aporia [Seontae]: ALL HAIL THE HEALTHY BDSM RELATIONSHIPS THAT STILL HOLD TENSION AND EMOTIONAL WEIGHT AND SPEAK TO ME!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!! This is my favorite BDSM-themed story. Everything is consensual, but is everything safe??? Not when it comes to the main character's emotions and tendency to sacrifice his wellbeing for a partner. BUT NOT TO WORRY, HIS SADISTIC LOVE INTEREST IS CONSIDERATE AND ATTENTIVE AND CARES ABOUT HIS FEELINGS!! This is, perhaps, one of my favorite depictions of a REAL sadist. A real one as in a realistic, irl BDSM-relationship sadist. Someone who is just as worried about taking care of his partner as he is about hurting him JUUUUST right. ANYWAY! THAT'S ALL! READ IT! HE'S LITERALLY ME!

Royal Servant [MasterGin, Chungnyun]: Okay, we were talking about healthy BDSM in the previous one, now let's talk about TOXIC BDSM-THEMES THAT I LOVE. Lmao. DO YOU LIKE MASTER/SLAVE DYNAMICS? DO YOU LIKE STORIES WHERE THE ARC LEADS TO THE ABUSIVE MASTER EVENTUALLY LEARNING TO NOT BE ABUSIVE AND LOVE THE SLAVE? YEAH ME TOO. I DON'T NEED TO DESCRIBE THIS ANY FURTHER. AUTHOR OF ANGEL BUDDY, THIS IS THE ONE THAT I KNEW HER FOR FIRST.

A bunch of other good ones you may or may not have heard of (I won't describe every one of these unless I have something particular to say, so enjoy the pictures from them that I snatched):

Love me in the Wilderness [Wang Tao]

Neon Sign Amber [Ogeretsu Tanaka]

Zetsubou ni Nake [Shinou Ryo]: Guys. This story is UNIQUE AS HELL. I had to say something about it. The premise is that a man who was raped turns around and goes back after his rapist and rapes him back, and then they fall in love. IT'S....the amount of times my jaw dropped was insane on this one. SOMEHOW IT'S WRITTEN SO WELL. SOMEHOW THEY NAILED THE STRANGE REALISM OF IT AND HAD ME TEARING UP OVER THE INTENSITY OF THE RAPE SCENES. VERY WELL-PACED, VERY TRAUMATIC IN A GOOD WAY. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. The way they come to love each other after this crazy foundation of mutual rape is IMPRESSIVE. Kudos to the writer.

Love or Hate [Yeongha]: This is a very well-known one but there's like zero fandom so I think it fits here. Also a lot of hate going around for it? Which I never understood, fuck those guys. This remains one of the most beautifully-written that I've ever read, and I mean that purely in like...the ACTUAL writing on the page. I'm talking poetry, purple prose. I just recall being blown away by that, and no manga before or since has ever reached its level. For once I felt like the writer was also a novelist because of the way that they put things, and had a clear voice in the style. Did the main boy end up with someone I didn't want him to end up with at the end? Yes. But I felt like it fit pretty well, and it was sort of a tragedy, and it was supposed to hit you painfully in the gut. A lot of people were mad at the main character for that and I don't really think it's fair. In any case! A beautiful story with complex characters and intriguing dilemmas. Highly recommend it.

Shangri La no Tori (Birds of Shangri La) [Ranmaru Zariya]

Two in Six Billion [Denzou]

The Pizza Delivery Man and The Gold Palace [Upi]: Great story and character-building so far! I will say that once it became porn, it dove a little too heavily into it for me. Like I only needed one scene of the porn, I was enjoying the panic attack scenes much more. BUT YEAH, IT'S ONGOING, SO WE'LL SEE WHERE IT GOES! But the panic attack scenes were the reason I read it and yes, I did tear up.

Sleeping Dead and Living Dead [Asada Nemui]: I RECENTLY FOUND THIS ONE AND ADOOOOOOREEE IT SO MUCH. I DO NOT CARE THAT IT'S AN OLD SCIENTIST AND HIS ZOMBIE PATIENT. NORMALLY THAT WOULD HOLD NO SWAY OVER ME, BUT OH GODS, THE ART IS SO PRETTY AND THE STORY IS SO GOOD. I LOVE THE LITTLE ZOMBIE MAN! I LOVE THE LITTLE ROMANCE THEY'VE GOT!

Private Lessons [ANCO, Mongya]: It's cuuuuute what can I saayyyyy it has BDSM and threesomes and I liked it. Very entertaining. Scratches the BDSM itch and the little SUB WAS SO CUTE. Anyway.

Kingyo no Ubugoe [Gontaku Nido]

From Points of Three [White Eared]: Threesome dynamics!!

Silent Lover [Qiang Tang, Bai Li Jun Xi]: I STOPPED THIS ONE AT A CERTAIN POINT BECAUSE IT DIPPED INTO WEIRD M-PREG AND STUFF I CANNOT READ. But BEFORE all that, I was deeply ingrained in this one. It has a main character who can't speak (a particular weakness of mine) and he's OH SO CUTE and he's given as a sex slave basically to the emperor (emperor? idk he's a kingly man, something like that), and the emperor is evil but learns to be soft and yet it takes a LONG TIME SO I WAS BAWLING HYSTERICALLY OVER SOME OF THE HEARTWRENCHINGLY PAINFUL SCENES IN THIS FOR THE POOR YUU-ER. A good read until it decided to go the omegaverse-by-magic-potions route. I didn't stay to figure out where it actually ended up.

Yoru wa Tomodachi [Ido Gihou]

Toumei na Ai no Utsuwa [Hitomi]

Re:Birth [Misuaki Asou]: The singular omegaverse story in existence that I actually liked. Hopefully that says a lot. Mostly because it's about the omegaverse elements NOT being present for the main character and him trying to fake it because he's lonely and afraid that his partner (an alpha *shakes off the disgusting label because who the fuck thought alpha was a cool word*) will leave him if he finds out he's just a regular guy (aka beta I guess? ABO is weird idc).

Sahara no Kuro Washi [Soutome Emu]: MASTER SLAVE MASTER SLAVE---

Haru ni Kaeru [Kunieda Saika]

Incorrigible [Bbong]

Well Done! [ANCO, Mongya]

Nemuri Otoko to Koi Otoko [Zariya Ranmaru]

Even If You Don't Love Me [Pando]: It dropped off SUPER hard (it's ongoing still) but damn was it good in the beginning. I am sick and tired of where it's at currently but the psychological manipulation and the horror of a certain twist in the storyline was CRUSHING to me. I only wish that it would have gone a better way after it happened, because it slowly destroyed itself and became like a lot of tropey rape stories. The asshole just keeps being an asshole and it's not really where the story seemed to want to go with that. But otherwise, it started off strong and I'll give it kudos for that.

Bigger titles I'm pretty sure everyone has heard of that I enjoy:

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai [Yoneda Kou]: Is it a little unrealistic that literally everyone in this story is gay apparently and wants to fuck one man apparently and/or rape him? Yes, absolutely. Does that matter once you're in the story and it's so good and all these unrealistic cruelties make a really strong bond between the main love interest and this self-destructive masochist who's probably not really a masochist but only interested in hurting himself because he doesn't know how else to handle his trauma from childhood? Ummmm yeah. Anyway! This one had a lot of inspiration and a lot of tears and a lot of obsession from me. I re-read it all the time, I watch the movie over and over, I listen to the audio drama and cry at my favorite scenes. Do I care in the end that it's a little unrealistic at times? No but I do laugh sometimes when I'm about to share it with a new person. Because BL is just like that generally and you've got to put up with a little of those tropes to find your favorite stories. THIS IS ONE OF THE TOP FAVORITES OF ALL TIME FOR ME BTW, IT'S ONLY SO LOW DOWN HERE BECAUSE PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IN YAOI KNOWS ABOUT THIS ONE ALREADY, AND WE'RE ALL AWARE OF HOW GOOD IT IS.

ENNEAD [Mojito]: I will say that this is basically the best manga/comic/manhua...what's the Chinese word idk ANYTHING OF THIS MEDIA TYPE that I have ever read. It's not done, and people have been complaining that it's starting to fall into the common BL tropes but you know what I do NOT care. Mojito is a genius, Mojito is a master storyteller, Mojito is beautiful, Mojito is strong - I just love Mojito and this work. So much. The action, the horror of rape, the deep-set character conflicts and dilemmas and internal turmoils. Everything, nailed it. Nailed it. And not to mention it's set in FUCKING EGYPTIAN MYTHOLOGY AND THEY'RE ALL GODS AND THEY HAVE SUCH COOL BATTLES AND COSTUMES AND DUDE???? I'm so hooked. That's all.

Killing Stalking [Koogi]: OBVIOUSLY. I don't really need to say anything about this one except that yeah, some of the psychology is a little off and some of it is just super shallow. But I loved the characters and that's what mattered in the end. I fell in love with Sangwoo too and it ripped my heart out when I read the ending. I was depressed for like two weeks and it was the first story that had ever affected me that way, but I was also younger and this was one of my first yaoi/BLs and yeah. GREAT story though, fantastic storytelling, very lovable characters. Sangwoo was handled so much better than most "asshole/kidnapper/rapist" characters and I will never stop appreciating that, because a lot of writers tend to forget that your villains have to have redeeming qualities if you want us to like them (????). Jinx, I'm fucking coming for you. Suck my dick. KOOGI FTW.

Missing Love/A Married Man [In Hyerin]: Some of the DESCRIPTIONS of how trauma works especially of the sexual nature in this story are SO. SO. GOOD. However, I am beginning to grow VERY ANNOYED at where it decided to go with the most current updates of the story. The author did enough trauma to the main boy, now it's getting so incredibly excessive that it's overdoing it and the author's kinks are showing through. LIKE I GET IT. Okay? I do. But this one became too much and I need him to return to the actual story arc of going through that trauma so he can HEAL with the right person taking care of him.

MadK [Ryo Sumiyoshi]: I am into NONE of the kinks that would lead to me picking up this manga. I hate demons, I'm not a monsterfucker, I can't do extreme guro, and yet I SAW CANNIBALISM. THAT WAS THE ONE THING THAT I THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT A TRY FOR. And then accidentally I got obsessed because the plot is AMAZING and the writing is SO GOOD and who cares if I hate demons and monsters ALL OF THEM ARE BADASS AND HOT (??) AND IT CEASES TO MATTER. Good on the writer for making them appeal by personality alone and expressions and whatever else you signed a deal with the devil to make me like because it worked. Also the guro is beautiful, so it doesn't even matter. Hannibal levels.

Warehouse [Killerwhale]

Painter of the Night [Byeonduck]

Viewfinder/Finder [Yamane Ayano]

Given [Kizu Natsuki, Gusari]

Nii-Chan [Harada] (and basically every other work by Harada)

Sadistic Beauty Side Story [Geumsan Lee, Woo Yeonhui]

Dine With a Vampire [Pangin, Pinko]

Angel Buddy [Mastergin, Chungnyun]

My Partner's Tastes and Fetishes [Deok Hwa]

Interview with a Murderer [KJK]

On or Off [A1]

Steel Under Silk [Snob]

The Pawn's Revenge [Evy]: It was going to be SO GOOD! And then it dropped off harder than a boulder from a balcony and I have absolutely no idea why the author took it the way that they took it, but go off I guess. It's boring as hell now but it started off with promise and I enjoyed the art and character designs. Too bad, I suppose.

Caste Heaven [Ogawa Chise]: An old classic with all the sticky sometimes icky mostly ridiculous BL tropes but hey, it's cute. It's sexy. It's fun. I don't care.

Wet Sand [Doyak]: We're still in the beginning stage of this one but I'm excited to see where it goes! Plus the art SLAPS ASS like nobody's business.

19 Days [Old Xian]: I hate comedy, I hate fluff, I hate buddies that never become lovers, but none of that mattered when I picked this one up. The duality of man. Bite-sized chapters and ACTUALLY AN EVENTUAL ROMANCE that none of us thought we'd ever get.

Legs That Won't Walk [Black Apricot]: Although this one dropped off hard for me and I'm really just following it to see if it picks up again and does something interesting (it probably won't) I did enjoy it in the beginning. I just get tired of the "asshole just keeps being an asshole and nothing else but woobified slut keeps coming back to him??" without the strong and realistic undercurrent of Reasons Why Someone Would Come Back such as manipulation or threats or unhealthy attachment. Perhaps it was sorta there in the beginning with them but now I'm just like why are we still continuing this story.

Pearl Boy [Inking, Zoy]: *Awkwardly scratches neck* It's not the best okay? It's not. It's really not. I don't like half of the things that occur in this one, but the ART, bro. THE ART, BRO? That's what got me into it and what kept me into it, PLUS I do like little Jooha. I stayed for Jooha, too. Dooshik drives me a little batty most of the time and looks ugly for half the story to me, but when he's badass, he's pretty badass, so I can forgive him. I really don't know why he has such drastically changing appearances because I thought he was someone completely different for a bit LMAO. In any case, I have to admit I like the uhhhhh danger that Jooha gets himself into and the crazy things that make no sense but you know what he gets hurt and then there's comfort and rescue and they cry and I cease to care that it makes no sense. (Sorta, I don't actually cease to care I just laugh awkwardly and go okay sure that's how it works because it's so hard to find stories that don't do this LOL I'm beating a dead horse) BUT WHY DOES HE CUM PEARLS? WILL WE EVER KNOW? WHO THE HELL THOUGHT OF THAT AND WITHOUT A SUPPORTING MAGIC SYSTEM IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THAT MAKE SENSE? IT WENT DOWNHILL SO FAST AND THE ENDING IS TERRIBLE BTW. THE VILLAIN SUCKS.

That's it. I can't talk to much or I'll run out of words but HOPE YOU GUYS FIND SOME NEW READS!!

[mikuni14]

Jack & Joker - Ep 7

This episode was extremely hard for me to watch, because it's like someone took the tropes I hate the most and decided to put them here one by one. Lack of communication, misunderstanding, saying something horrible about a loved one when don't mean it and they hear it, a love triangle, a love triangle with a girl in a BL series, noble sacrifice, noble, stupid and unnecessary sacrifice, being mean for a "noble" purpose to protect a loved one by rejecting them, heartbreaking fights, jealousy, the pain of rejection, suffering alone. I hate every single one of these things and a series that I like so, so much decided to throw them all into one episode, at once. So it's easy to imagine that I'm not having a good time 💀

So many bad things happened in this episode that I started crying at the end, it was just too much. What really depressed me was that many of these things were unnecessarily bad, and there was a kind of malice in them that was hard to watch on screen.

I had some understanding (not excuse - understanding) for Save in the last episode, but then I didn't know all the facts. Now I have only contempt for him, because he is simply stupid and cruel in what he does. Save didn't even arrange something specific for Hope, or even for himself, which is exceptionally stupid, since he literally sold his soul to the devil - as it turns out, for nothing. On top of that, he didn't have to include Joke in his schemes, my jaw just dropped when after everything he did to Jack and his grandma, he himself, without being asked, says to Boss that there is one more dude who can mess with your plans, like bitch fr? Save dangerously plays god, messing with people's lives (in grandma's case - her LITERAL life) and for whom, for his boyfriend who works for the mafia and openly says that he actually likes doing it and unlike Jack - is a real loan shark who beats people (his behavior radicalized Tattoo). Hope was beaten, which is a risk of the profession he does, he wasn't beaten up randomly on the street for money, or bullied at a regular job., ffs! But what Save will never earn my forgiveness for is that for the sake of unclear privileges for his boyfriend 1) he could've killed an innocent person 2) he destroys the lives - and I want to emphasize this - LITERALLY DESTROYS THE LIVES of 3 innocent people. And not that I like Rose, but it also affects her life. Thus, grandma, Jack, Joke and Rose are just pawns, a colateral damage in his plans, for his own personal gain.

SAVE IS LIKE TEE FROM DFF. Sorry, but just as I had no sympathy for those guys, I have no sympathy for Save. He doesn't have to do this, he doesn't have to do such cruel and plainly evil things, he doesn't have to be so zealous, such an "employee of the month doing 200% of the norm" lol. It's very interesting that Save, instead of persuading Hope to leave this job and even run away, since he's oh so worried about him, directs his efforts to protect him, by harming others - others who are in the same or worse situation as he is.

..........

This whole marriage plot is so silly and soap opera and that's how I decided to treat it, so that I could still like this show 😅. Gods, it's just so stupid and when Jack initially didn't agree, I was so happy that finally, a voice of reason, and yet.. I don't know how Boss and Jack imagine doing this? I mean technically and.. just… generally???? How Jack plans to marry a woman he doesn't care about (with potential sex? children????) and at the same time follow Boss's orders, while being, you know, himself??? Not to mention that there is a whole ass person in this puzzle: Rose? And I'm not even mentioning Grandma, who is not stupid - how will she feel knowing that Jack literally sold himself for her health? From Jack's words in this episode, I gather that he is more or less aware of Joke's feelings. And I'm a little upset about the fact that Jack hurts him so much, knowing this. And his "noble motives" do not excuse him, because Jack leaves scorched earth behind him, destroys people around him and HIMSELF. And it will get even worse, because there will be no way out of this situation, in which he is digging himself deeper and deeper, which is what Joke was trying to tell him. Jack does something I particularly hate: he "sacrifices himself nobly" but he is really selfish in this sacrifice, because he doesn't ask if anyone actually wants his sacrifice it's The Sign all over again, fuck. And the fact that he does all this alone, officially, to protect his loved ones, shows that he really doesn't trust those close to him, that they can either help him, or that they could decide for themselves. And although I don't like Rose, Jack is ready to marry her without love, for his benefits, which is... suddenly not so noble, right Jack?

I know that all this is the law of slightly exaggerated TV romances, because if Jack had trusted Joke and his grandma and talked to them, maybe together they would have figured out another way to get money for her treatment, but then again, there wouldn't have been all this drama 🙄

But Jack didn't even try.

And he's really getting to the point where even if he wanted to stop, he wouldn't be able to, and even if he somehow managed to, there would be nothing to save, because everyone would be too hurt by him to forgive him. And he's so blinded by fear and the belief that he's doing the right thing that he doesn't even see it.

The approach of Save, Jack and Joke to situations when they feel they have no choice is very interesting. Save sacrifices others without hesitation, Jack sacrifices himself (consciously) and others (unconsciously), Joke sacrifices himself. Joke is truly selfless in all of this, because he is able to humiliate himself in front of his father for someone he cares about, work for pennies, but legally, as Jack wants, when things are very bad, he still feels duty towards the grandma - a person, who was kind to him. Whatever he does, he's alone in it, he doesn't involve others, any harm falls only on him. Apart from that, he blames himself for everything...

...........

Despite everything that the series has shown in tis ep, and which I actively hate, I cannot but praise the series for a few things:

the actors gave it their all in this episode, especially in the micro-expressions on the faces of Jack, Joke and Save, when you can see that they are trying to hide what they are going through

as always, I have to praise the incredibly accurate socio-political-economic background of the series. That there is always a bigger shark in the pool, the total detachment from reality of the rich and that they do NOT WANT to know this reality and that they don't really care. How easily the poor fall into a spiral of debt, a system of dependency, passivity caused by constantly hitting a wall and helplessness in the face of constant adversity (how Jack did not even consider other methods of obtaining money, but went straight to Boss)

that in reality it's so easy to manipulate the poor, who ultimately harm themselves and each other, which is exploited by the elites. The elites know that it's enough to set people against each other and they will jump at each other's throats, doing all the dirty work for them, while they feast on exquisite dishes in beautiful interiors, in expensive clothes. Tattoo, Save, even Jack, do what is expected of them on their own, and their actions negatively affect… themselves and people like them. This is a very brutal and gloomy conclusion to this series, unfortunately also very realistic. Because the rich, the elites know that a divided, depressed society that lives in fear is easier to manipulata and control. Becasue if Jack, Joke, Tattoo, Hoy, Save and Hope joined forces, they would probably be able to oppose Boss, to come up with something for themselves. And so from the beginning we see how their various selfish actions throw themselves and others like them under the bus. Because really, as sad and awful as it may sound, neither Boss nor even Rose could have done anything if not for the significant "help" from Tattoo and Save

the unexpected, but weirdly compelling het ship 😆

Finally, the most beautiful scene. I really appreciate the choice of shots in this scene, especially when only the hands are framed and the focus is on them, without showing the face… 💖

Why can't they be like this all the time 🥺

[firstkanaphans]

if i have permission to be a bit of a bitch in your inbox (feel free to ignore this if not), the dichotomy people build between bl and queer media is sooooo fascinating. and of course by that i mean it gives me hives. the universalizing of 'real queer experiences' is obnoxious as hell, but how its been applied to ofts has really shown me why i find it so obnoxious. most of the people who hold this dichotomy would never classify a bl that ignores homophobia as 'authentically queer' media. but i definitely saw people who hoped that the 'authentically queer' ofts would exist in a bubble without any slutshaming, or that it would be resolutely shut down in show. but in my aroallo experience? that would be as inauthentic as the no homophobia bubble, so where does that leave us?

also the circular logic in the bl vs queer media arguments is mind numbing. 'bl doesnt cover these types of themes' yeah dude because you forcibly remove everything with those themes from the bl category in your head. 'queer media must acknowledge homophobia' the idea that a story by queer people about queer characters isnt really queer because it chooses to focus on joy or discovery or any other facet of queer existence is so fucking depressing. go hug a queer friend and think about why you feel queerness is defined by suffering before anything else.

Oh, hey, you found my soap box, Anon! Let me just step on up there with you for a minute.

So, first off, let me just say how much I hate the term “authentically” queer. It seems to suggest that in order to be queer, you have to be queer a certain way. As an ultra femme lesbian, the queer community often makes me feel like I’m not queer enough. That I don’t understand the hardships that come with being gay because I am “straight-passing.” This is the same thing people do to BLs. News flash: if you’re queer, you’re queer. Period. Congratulations, that’s all it takes to be authentic!

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that a large percentage of the people I see using this designation are straight women who think that queer suffering is a necessary part of the queer experience, but a lot of “authentically queer” people—me included—don’t want to be reminded of our real-life suffering every time we turn on the TV. Heartstopper is triggering for me. Bad Buddy is not. As a queer woman currently living in Ron DeSantis’s Florida,  I deserve to be able to turn on the TV every once in a while and not be reminded that there are people in the world who want me dead.

I’ve learned that when people describe a BL as “authentically queer,” what they actually mean is “This BL feels more Western”—the racist insinuation there being that Western media is inherently better.

I feel like The Eclipse is a good example of this hypocrisy. No one has ever called The Eclipse “authentically queer” despite the fact that it delivers one of the most nuanced takes on the dangers of systemic homophobia that I have seen anywhere. The writers of both the source material and the script are gay men. The director is queer. That seems to meet all of the qualifications these people set for “authentically queer” and yet no one has ever questioned that The Eclipse is a BL. Why? Because it incorporates traditionally Asian/yaoi humor tropes such as the pratfall and the accidental kiss. 

Are you sensing a pattern? It’s not the queer-ness of a piece of media that determines whether it is seen as “authentic.” It is its “Western-ness.”

Let me be very clear: All BLs are “authentically queer” media because the only requirement needed for a piece of media to be “authentically” queer is for the characters to be queer. And if you don’t like that, then maybe stop watching BLs.

If the people who were producing these shows had a problem with the term, that would be another discussion, but they don’t. P’Jojo has never advertised Only Friends as anything other than a BL. The fandom did that for him. And with all due respect, if the people making the fucking thing are calling it a BL, then it’s a fucking BL.

So, yeah. Not liking BLs doesn’t make you cool. It makes you a bigot. The fact that the term has become so derogatory is rooted in both racism and misogyny because this was originally a genre created by women, for women, and the hobbies of women are so often infantilized.

BLs are queer media. Die mad about it.

[williamrikers]

okay. fuck. i need to talk about be my favorite. because jesus christ, this might be THE smartest show currently airing, which is a miracle at a time when la pluie is also airing.

so, this episode we learned more about kawi's and pisaeng's family backgrounds, and oh boy, is there a lot to unpack there... and it all works to explain why the original timeline was the way it was, why everything turned out so fucked up for both of them in the beginning.

(very rambly thoughts under the cut)

first of all, it's important to note how much of an impact kawi's father's death had. it was always clear that this was a traumatizing event in kawi's life, literally the first thing he did when he went back in time was to ditch the (supposed) girl of his dreams so he could be with his father, tearfully hug him and tell him "i love you, dad".

now, we're learning that after his father's death, kawi completely gave up on himself. he literally didn't see any reason to pursue a better life or his dreams because his father would never get to see it and be proud of him. i think this also explains to some extent why kawi has so much trouble accepting help from others: he has internalized the idea that he somehow has to do everything on his own, so his father (and others) can be proud of him. it's interesting that kawi obviously loves his father a lot but they're not really close: they don't see each other very often and in the first episode, it's established that they don't usually talk to each other about their feelings, either.

so. everything else that happened to kawi in the og timeline (knot making fun of his singing, pisaeng "stealing" his spot as pear's secret buddy, his falling out with max, kawi being too much of an introvert to make any new friends at uni) was compounded by the fact that after his father's death, kawi saw no hope for himself any more, and he ended up alone, isolated, friendless, depressed and deeply unhappy.

and now that we're learning more about pisaeng as well, it's becoming clear that something similar happened to pisaeng in the og timeline as well, only for him it was not a single event but more the reality of him being gay and having a crush on kawi (come on. nobody can tell me he DIDN'T crush on that cute awkward nerd as soon as kawi dropped his lil notebook in front of the seniors on the first day of uni), but kawi never even speaking to him and completely ignoring his existence... while pisaeng's own mother was adamant about pisaeng staying as deep in the closet as possible because it's bad for her political ambitions to have an out gay son. she basically tells him "you can feel whatever you want to feel but telling people about it is something that you should only do with my permission".

so, pisaeng has been getting told by his mother to stay in the closet since he was 15 years old (JESUS!!!), and since his crush is obviously unrequited and hopeless, why should he risk anything by being honest about it? his family is rich, pear's family too, their marriage is one of convenience for pisaeng, who gets to keep living his good life while placating his mother and spending his life with a person he's friends with, even if he can never love her romantically. from his mother's perspective, pear and pisaeng must be a good match, and pisaeng has no real reason to fight any of it. because coming out as gay would do nothing but cause him trouble and make him unhappy.

but in the new timeline, kawi is there as pisaeng's friend. and pisaeng falls for him so much deeper than he ever could have done in the og timeline. and now he HAS to figure himself out, HAS to confront his own queerness, not for kawi or even with kawi (utterly brilliant choice in the last episode to have pisaeng go on this journey alone!) but for himself, because it is becoming clear that he is living a lie and that he can't go on like this. having kawi in his life changes everything for pisaeng -- even if they weren't in a bl and were simply friends, this storyline would still be incredibly compelling because even while they're not in a relationship, kawi and pisaeng keep challenging each other, keep changing each other, keep making each other better, more honest people.

when they're in bed together and kawi asks why pisaeng likes him, he says much of the same stuff he's said before: that pisaeng is better, richer, more handsome than him, that he can't understand what pisaeng sees in him. but he says it differently this time, not with anger or defiance like in the beginning of their friendship, but so honestly, he's able to open up to pisaeng in a way he never could before just because he has had pisaeng in his life and they have had an impact on each other.

i keep coming back to this because it's something i rarely see in stories and bmf is doing it AMAZINGLY. both of the protagonists go on a journey of growth and self-improvement through knowing each other, they literally make each other better. and even though kawi is not at a point where he can see them as equals, he can honestly talk about this now, can voice his feelings of insecurity in a way he was never able to before -- and so, pisaeng can say, well, i think you're cute, does there have to be anything more to it than that? he doesn't try to talk kawi out of his self-perception, merely states his own perception of him in a way kawi can't argue away. i think this is a smart writing choice because kawi has to accept that pisaeng finds him cute, he can't say "no you don't" without accusing him of lying.

and oh, my baby kawi being so incredibly deep in denial is tugging at my heartstrings. there's a very interesting parallel happening with kawi's singing, something he was obviously dreaming of as a career when he was a child but completely gave up on -- until pisaeng and pear helped him gain confidence to put himself out there once again. i think something very similar is happening with his sexuality: he has shoved the truth of himself so far back in his own mind that it takes a long time and the knowledge that pisaeng is into him for kawi to even entertain the thought of maybe also being into him maybe. there's a certain safety in that, just like there's safety in having pear there while he reads his song lyrics to a room full of people. and that's not a bad thing! this show has consistently shown (and outright told) us that people need to help each other, that literally no one is capable of making it on their own, that everyone deserves love and support. and kawi needs a lot of love and support to be able to even let himself think of pisaeng in romantic terms. i am seriously excited to see what happens next, now that kawi has crossed the line between them, now that he got a taste of what he could have if only he let himself.

there are probably a million things i haven't said that i can't think of right now. but every single episode leaves me more impressed than the last, the story is written SO well and presented in such a smart way, later revelations recontextualizing things we already know, and with every week, everything makes more and more sense. and learning more about their families really explains a lot about all three of them (god, i haven't even mentioned pear's rich upper-class alcoholic father, a lot to unpack there as well!), and how they got where they were in the og timeline as well as in the current timeline.

thanks for reading 😘

[watchingblsnowandforever]

We Are Ep. 14: Part 3/3

Hello again!! =D

Part 1 and Part 2

Warning: long post 😊😅 (also, I'm so sorry for the delay, I've been sleep deprived for the last two to three days because my insomnia and depression made comebacks, but I'm better now)

She reminds me so much of my own mom-

My mom adopts my friends, and no one has any say in it, while my dad encourages her 😭👍🏼

I absolutely love her relationship with all of them. While it's given that Peem will talk about Phum, Q has talked about Toey too, and it's quite obvious that Peem and his og group of friends have visited quite often before. She asks no question, and is so comfortable with them that they don't hesitate for a second to introduce their boyfriends. This is maybe not realistic (I'm pretty sure my mom while very similar wouldn't be this accepting) but it's very in line with this show, and I really like it.

GIVE ME MORE ACCEPTING PARENTS IN BL!!!

I am 100% sure that for a moment there, Phum's brain short circuited 😭

I mean, just look at it from his perspective. The boy he's head over heels for talks about him like this to his mom. If it were me, I'd be having an existential crisis right there, he has much more self control than me.

I'll be living here, in this moment for the next 1000 years, thanks for asking.

Listen, I'm a big fan of domestic fluff, BUT THIS???

Also, I don't usually talk about these, but on Phum's t-shirt, it says "ALWAYS FORWARD NO TURNING BACK" which is very relevant here because Peem helps him see a future, and to enjoy the present as it comes back. He's slowly but surely leaving his scarred past behind.

I have so many fic ideas smh

And yet, I don't really see you, complaining, Peem.

He says while sipping from his own glass. Very convincing, Peem.

THIS WAS SO CUTE OH MY GODS 😭😭🫶🏼

Btw, Peem? Phum is calling you "meow" for the rest of your lives. Just like you'll be calling him Puppy Phum. <3

oh-

These few seconds spoke so much.

The realization that this is what a real family is supposed to look like, that he'll probably never have this with his own parents.

But then- then he realizes that now he can have this. He can have Peem, and a family full of love and sit in the midst of his brother and his friends and Peem's friends and be accepted and loved.

Maybe he can't have this with his own parents, but he can have this with Peem, and that for him, is already far more than he could have ever imagined.

I just love that addition 😭😂

Peem is absolutely incapable of not calling Phum some version of "idiot (affectionate)" and I adore him for it. <33

Oho, violent Fang is back.

But seriously, let the others sleep, Pun and Toey 😭

THIS LOOK. ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL US??

There's only two eps left (?!!!!!), so I really hope that the next one is when they get together

The small thumb soothing his tummy 🥺🫶🏼

All we got are crumbs of ChainPun throughout and they still managed to make us go insane. Mad respect for their friends who have to deal with them on a daily basis 😭👍🏼

Also, when Peem got up to ask what they were doing and Phum pulled him back to sleep, did y'all see that tiny forehead kiss? My man never misses a chance to kiss Peem, and I am so proud of him.

This reminds me of such a funny story-

So. We went to visit this historical building (note: historical) and the stairs leading up were naturally kind of steep and broken. It was very crowded, so it was four or five teams/families to one guide. We went up slowly, but since the guide was obviously very used to it, he went up faster, and was waiting for us at the landing. So one couple asked how he got there so fast, and he jokingly said "I took the lift" and the man was like "Why didn't you tell us before?? One of us [I don't remember who he said] just had knee surgery!" and the rest of us were just staring at him like ???? are you listening to yourself- 😶

My parents and I laugh about it to this day 😭😂 (this was almost 8 years back OH GODS SAYING THAT MADE ME FEEL SO OLD-)

What next ep looks like:

What I looked like after watching the trailer:

(In that order.)

That's it for ep 14! See y'all in 4 days (I fear for what will become of me after I watch ep 15).

If you got this far, thank you so much for reading! 😊

Here have a croissant 🥐

[absolutebl]

hi there 🖐🏼 what are your recs for bl movies with great acting?

BL Movies with GREAT Acting

Specifically Movies? Do KBLs that were cut into movies count? Hum, I'm gonna make a judgement call given how few actual movies I have to work with and say if it holds as a "movie going experience" I can count it. I should say in order to really push this into the superlative acting space the BL aspect on many of these is... light.

His

Japan 2020 Viki

His is about being a grown adult and still struggling with coming out as gay. It addresses the consequences of life choices disingenuous to identity. Nagisa turns up on Shun’s doorstep with his precocious daughter in tow. This is a touch confusing to Shun since they were each others first love and ended badly. Shun has retreated from society, rejecting the world before it can reject him, already brokenhearted because without Nagisa he never had a reason to fight. Nagisa went the opposite way, tried to pretend to be something he was not and ended up with a daughter he adores and a wife who hates him. The acting is killer, Miyazawa Hio is sulky in the best possible way, the filming is beautiful and the setting unique and interesting...

I'm not wild about the ending. Moody arthouse smackdoodle is going to pretend that "ambiguous" is somehow unique and special rather than bog standard commonplace for narratives of this type. But endings are my hangup, not yours?

This is not really BL (the prequel was), so few of the tropes are used. You do not need to have watched the prequel.

Your Name Engraved Herein

Taiwan 2020 Netflix

This movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing. It’s a self acceptance journey that goes emotionally array on the alter of history, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. I would say it's not really BL, no real trope drops at all.

Okay those two I chose more on the strength of the acting than BL. These others are not going to be at the same standard/style.

If you want moee of the above level of drama, things get very sad in the BL world, so Love of Siam, Dew, Eternal Yesterday, Goodbye Mother, etc...

Restart After Come Back Home (Risutato wa tadaima no ato de)

Japan 2020 Gaga?

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy, grumpy/sunshine. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth the patience, low heat, low angst, and stunning. The acting is a touch stiff, in that Japanese reserved way.

This is the only BL movie, as a movie, that I could pull. There are others, I jsut don't think the acting is good enough.

So here are some highly rated short bingable series that are movie length (1.5-2.5 hours) but not really movies - BUT with killer acting. So they still might satisfy the itch. I places them in order of acting and filming quality, not my own personal preference.

From Japan

Old Fashion Cupcake

Tokyo in April is...

Life: Love on the Line (director's cut)

My Beautiful Man

I Cannot Reach You

Seven Days

From Taiwan

Red Balloon

We Best Love (esp part 2)

About Youth

HIStory 2: Crossing the Line

From Korea

To My Star

Long Time No See

The New Employee

Where Your Eyes Linger

More like this?

I want to shout out The Eighth Sense here too. It's longer than movie length but so well acted.

(source)

[cornyonmains]

Do you guys remember how RTD ran Torchwood into the ground trying to force everyone to like Eve Myles as much as he did?

This is literally what has happened with 4 Minutes. Someone with a lot of creative control hyper-fixated on Ton Kla's character and nobody was there to reel that back in.

I think the show got scared of how fans were going to receive Bible with a new scene partner, and they fell back to what was safe, a standard BL couple operating within the confines of established tropes and aesthetics.

This was a mistake, because what I truly think bought BOC out of this world success with KP was their willingness to lean into an attractive ship that defied a lot of aesthetic conventions with Mile and Apo. They had the chance to that again with Bible and Jes, who are an incredibly striking pair, and they wussed out because they thought fans were going to be mad about *checks notes* Bible taking it from an absolute smoke show.

The most popular ship that has ever existed on the face of this earth is Destiel. One is a clinically depressed middle aged man who looks like an incredibly attractive extra from Roadhouse, and the other is a clinically depressed middle aged angel that looks like a fed from a porno and talks like he ate sand for most of his formative years. BOC needs to give its audience more credit. People flocked to KP because it was different. They should have let 4 Minutes be different. These days, it's not hard to find explicit QL dramas operating within the binary. Now that they've seen what kind of money that shit pulls, there's whores in every house. I really feel like people are coming to BOC because they want something new, and I hope they acknowledge that with their next project.

What 4 Minutes could have been versus what it turned out to be is kind of disappointing. As much as I love Sammon's stuff, I have to be honest. I never hold a writer or a studio to a standard they can't reasonably meet, and I think BOC and Sammon is capable of much better than we got with 4 Minutes. The last episode could change my mind, but I don't think it will. Things have moved too fast. This project needed more episodes than it got.

[izartn]

On Blue Lock, Episode Nagi movie:

It was like one of those outsider pov fics from a secondary character pov but official. Given that's one of my fave genres of fic amd I knew that about the movie coming in I enjoyed the perspective it offered, and also the melodrama of NagiReo xD

Also why was the ost so much better than in the anime itself? Did I blitz too quickly through the episodes? It made the kinda recap this was, entertaining as it got, much better. Why XD I hope that ost is in season 2.

Liked how NagiReo were the last ones to cross that door and that Ego had to bait Ngi into it. Would have messed up his 300 teens plan for Blue Lock is these two refused lol though I think he was absolutely prepared for that. Funny how Nagi is the one who gets the Blue Lock mentality despite being the reluctant of the pair.

I loled at how little the other guys in V mattered though, and at the replay of the match against Z, Nagi getting more and more fixated in Isagi and football for himself, to Reo alarm and happiness respectively.

I am not the only one who thinks Nagi is/was depressed due to a lack of challenge and isolation in his life, right? That whole, leave me I don't want to even try, just want to stay in my comfort zone idling the days away....

Going to other matters....

Also. Why did that Isagi and Bachira separation at Stage 2 look 100% more gay than it was in the anime? I swear it was the typical Shonen friendship on the season. Ah I know. Because Nagi, BL character that he is, was there remembering himself and Reo in rosy flashbacks. Hilarious taking what happened just before between them. But then Nagi is confident on their friendship in a way that Reo just isn't.

The contrast between their mental states re:change are so fucking funny in a sad way too. Reo is so insecure, compared to Nagi, I guess it comes from his family reputation and money being all he was before he meet Nagi and so he's insecure about his own merits but really. He's coping about as well as my bestie in HS did to her situationship with another girl collapsing when she was 14, that's the level of gay ass failing were talking about. That Nagi just didn't voice aloud the emotional reassuring parts to Reo during the breakup was so teenage boy of him, he just thinks he's being clear enough and then, everybody else can see Reo is just. Not manging it well. Love that they just fucking went pass Nagi being brutal to Reo on the 3vs3, like. Yes this is Nagi PoV the movie no you don't get to see what the fuck was he thinking. I personally imagine he was trying to like, do a reverse psychology on Reo, but it didn't work(?) (except it kinda did) bc Nagi has a 0 in interpersonal communication. Who knows though. Maybe the manga?

Anyways I'm really happy about that post-credits and additional time! So season 2 is gonna start from the jump after the 50 days timeskip, huh? Not surprised at all by who I saw there as the starting 11 for the U-20 match, of course our protags and company are there.

That after all the movie they end up bringing it back to NagiReo kinda having maked up, and Reo having friends/rivals telling him to quit the sad face, they're gonna be the best is soooo funny. Yes Reo you have friends, you're there on the 25 of 300 even if you're on the sidelines right now, relax XD Happy for him he seems to get friends other than Nagi, he needs more than a (boy)cough(bestie) friend.

And that was it!!! Thanks to @ashen-sky for telling me to wait for the post credits! Very appreciated given almost my whole sala walked out.

[ppeonppeonhan]

2023 BL Breakout Actors

I really hope to see more of these actors next year.

Louis Chiang | Kiseki: Dear to Me

He played a tiny lovesick tyrant who pined for his childhood bff and fellow gang member. I could've watched an entire drama just about him and his journey from impulsive orphan thug to feisty romantic. He was simply electric.

Suggested Role: There's a sports trend in BL right now, and he's so good at the physicality of acting that I'd love to see him play a competitive professional tennis player who's conflicted when he's forced to partner with his nemesis.

Lim Ji Sub | The Eighth Sense

He had to play such a heavy character -- a college student and surfer suffering from depression and survivor's guilt -- and his heartbreaking performance made you want to reach through the screen and give him a hug.

Suggested Role: South Korea does slice of life SO well that I'd really love to see him switch it up and pine for someone in a quasi comedic role. He could play a young real estate agent who starts to fall for one of his picky clients, and they learn together that the perfect home is one you make and not one you find.

Film Thanapat Kawila | Laws of Attraction

I honestly did not enjoy this drama, but I did enjoy his performance. He is so captivating as Charn -- this scenery-chewing, maniacal, traumatized, good-boy-turned-bad lawyer -- that his romantic love interest could not manage to keep up.

Suggested Role: I dunno. I feel like I'd happily watch him play this role again, and take down another corrupt politician.

An Jeong Gyun | Love Class 2

It's so easy to get lost in an anthology when there's three couples and when you're not traditionally attractive, but his character stole the whole damn series. He was so bold and upfront about his emotions in a mature and refreshing way that it made you ignore the beige flags of playful manipulation that comes with courtship, and root for him to win his crush's heart.

Suggested Role: He's actually older (30), and I appreciate that South Korea is exploring more love stories between older men as Thailand conquers the under 25 demo. So for him, I'd say a divorced storyline. Maybe explore the story of how two ex-husbands rebuild their lives apart and rediscover their friendship while they fall for other people.

"Silvy" Pavida | The Warp Effect

Speaking of bloated casts, this series had like a million people in it playing characters of a variety of genders and sexualities, because it was intended to be -- in part -- a modern sex guide that pushed against traditional constructs. But in the midst of all that was a brief performance by Silvy, who was only tasked with playing an aspiring "plus size" actress, but managed to leave a lasting impression, making you want more.

Suggested Role: She's a singer and she's half-Italian. There's gotta be something we can do with that. Maybe the story of a shy singer, who is often hired to record tracks for rising tone-deaf artists, and is encouraged by one to make her debut as her opening act and help her write a romantic duet in Italian for her international audience.

***

Now...most of us agree that Step by Step was...not great. But it did have a lot of Thai actors that I hope to see again soon -- in an entirely different storyline far away from whatever the hell that was.

"Saint" Paramee Matthanadul | Step by Step

Was his character a whiny little shit? Yes. Is he so gorgeous you almost forgot how hot his big brother was? Also, yes. The fandom was pissed his romantic subplot did not get a resolution, because there was so much he could've done with this character if given the opportunity.

Suggested Role: I think he has baby girl potential, so I really want to see him either play a spoiled mafia kid who falls for his mentor OR a rich kid pretending to be a working class waiter at the restaurant he owns, marinated in gay panic every time the head chef scolds him.

Zorzo Nathanan Akkharakitwattanakul | Step by Step

I have yet to watch a proper GL series, but if she was starring in it, I'd clear my TV schedule. There's something so femme fatale about her and her features. She had no business stealing scenes from the nearly full cast of dudes, but she did. Every time.

Suggested Role: I really want to see her in a mystery produced by whoever is doing The Sign right now. Maybe she could play an undercover cop trying to solve a missing person's case in a small town, and her love interest is married to her prime suspect.

"Ben" Bunyapol Likhitamnuayporn | Step by Step

Last, but not least, is the adorable Ben. Who, in spite of wasting our time with the most anticlimactic drama ending, played a character that was an inspiration to every office employee who has been dying to tell their ungrateful and abusive boss to step back and let a bitch cook. He played him with such naiveté and earnestness that it made you want more for his character than a lustful boss who struggled not to abuse his power.

Suggested Role: It's so easy for him to get sucked into passive roles opposite the zaddys of BL, so I'd like to see how he fairs against an equal. Maybe another workplace ensemble comedy where he plays a reporter posing as an intern at a new social media company run by an unhinged mogul spreading fake news, and falls for another intern who helps him take the company down.

[sour-ggrapess]

RED MEANS I LOVE YOU

kim namjoon x fem reader

summary; The towns serial killer comes to fu!ck and manipulate you every night.

A/n; Ik joon is so sweet and would like never but ghostface and billy loomis turn me on and so dose joon so.....here we are ig. this is rushed tbh. Tumblr hates me

warnings; blackmailing, knife play, unprotected se!x, bathroom se!x, hair pulling, bl!ood , Violence.

Water running as you put on your new fenty beauty skin wash. Self care made you feel like a bad bitch. Your pink night gown that you could see your boobs in but who cares. Forgetting all about the crazy man that comes to fuck you every night. You knew he was a crazy dickhead that killed your boyfriend and your enemy. He wanted you to his-self and no one else.

A loud noise coming from your living room making you jump out of your skin. You know not to act like those stupid hoes from the horror movies so you lock your roo m door and hide in your bathroom .

"Y/N! I KNOW YOUR HOME!" your crazy boyfriend yells out through the house. You were scared of him but if you were to shut him out you knew he would kill you just loved him back. "In here baby." you respond as you unlock your door to go greet him. He meets you at your door as he pulls you in for a deep kiss, you couldn't deny the dick was amazing and his touch did make you feel loved in ways you couldn't explain.

He pulled away from the kiss looking you directly in your eyes. "I hope you dont think I will ever hurt. He looks as if hes depressed, "Are you scared of me, y/n?" He questions you with a little twinkle in his eye that will make you feel like a dick if you say the wrong thing.

"I would never be scared of you, I know you love me." You say knowing you were. Placing a peck on his forehead as you walk back into your ensuite. Joon follows you and grabs your waist as you lean over the sink. "can I show you how much I love you?" He groaned against your ear. You nod your head giving him consent to do whatever. You didnt just only let him, you liked every bit of the way he pulled you hair and sliced up your thighs to leave little scars.

Joon was already leaking precum from the way he could see your boobs and ass very clearly through the night gown. Sliding his hand up your dress as his hand roamed and explored your skin. Finding your nipples he starts playing with them making your back arch and your ass press on his hard dick. Undoing the string on his sweats you could see his print very vividly in.

Shoving the dress up to your upper back as he shoves his long cock into your hole that was dripping for him. His head shoots back and high pitched whimpers escape his lips. His cock rubbing on your soft walls, shit you could cum right now. Grabbing his knife out his pocket flinging the blade out to carve his initials into your lower back like a tramp stamp. Whines and whimpers running off your tongue as the blades sinks into your skin, knj now carved into your waist with blood running down it. "See my pretty girl look. Red. The color of love." He groaned against your neck as he cock ran deep in your walls.

Joon grabbed a fist full of hair pulling your hair back so you could look at him. "if you ever leave me ill kill you and me so we will never be apart." He grunted as he looked straight into your twitching eyes. His sick twisted words making you release on him. Hands moving to grip your neck as he rams his cock into you even harder.

His cum shooting into your pussy as he slashes a wide gash into your stomach.

"Red means I love you"

[pink-heart-jam]

Ten BL titles to make you cry

Special thanks to @ghaniblue who inspired this reclist!

If you’re like me and enjoy your BL occasionally sprinkled with trauma & heartbreak, I got you some good food. As you can probably tell, these BL stories are not for the faint of heart so make sure to check the tags before jumping in. Apart from Momentum - which compiles both happy and sad shorts - these are really tough reads that tackle heavy themes such as depression, prostitution, sexual and psychological abuse, addiction and the likes. Some of these are just a series of unfortunate and painful events, really. But I promise that all the suffering comes with moving love stories about healing, endurance, redemption and hope; so if you enjoy complex characters, complicated relationships, amazing world building and compelling plots, you can’t go wrong with these. Completed works are marked with an *. Stay safe and enjoy!

*Dark Heaven by Juns

Conor, a Korean-American, lives in a city where same-sex marriage has been legalized, but where racist and homophobic hate crimes are still frequent. He joins a band with Simon and the two go on to create their own “dark heaven” in an abandoned church. Feelings develop between the pair, but light cannot dwell with dark, and their time together will soon come to an end.

*December Rain by Kimon

Fresh out of the army, Suchae decides to take some time off and travel around the country by himself. On the first day of his trip, he spots a guy who looks totally his type at a rundown bus terminal. Despite the possibility of him being a creep, Suchae is drawn to the mysterious stranger. Cw: tragedy

Given by Kizu Natsuki

The series follows a group of four students in an amateur rock band, and the dual romantic relationships that form among them: between electric guitarist Ritsuka Uenoyama and vocalist Mafuyu Satō, and between bassist Haruki Nakayama and drummer Akihiko Kaji.

Missing Love by In hyerin

While celebrating his engagement at a reunion, Lim Wooyeon encounters Lee Geom, who has gone missing for eight years. In a dark alley, Lee Geom, who disappeared after suddenly kissing him, awakens the regret buried in his heart.

*Momentum by Park ji-yeon

“Momentum” is a series of beautifully drawn vignettes that glimpse into the life-altering moments of several couples as they fall in and out of love. This BL features a series of characters learning how to love, understand, and forgive one another – and in some cases, the world – at different moments in their lives.

*Ouroboros by Songhyel

Woo Hyung’s life has hit rock bottom. He’s traumatized after several days of being imprisoned and abused by his brother-in-law, an event that eventually left him both wifeless and jobless. His only way of coping is sex, and two very different men who can provide exactly that show up in his life.

*Pearl Boy by Zoy, Inking

Dooshik is in a bind. After making off with the takings from the gay bar where he worked, he seeks refuge in a small, coastal town. As his funds dwindle, he desperately needs a way to make ends meet.

Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai by Yoneda Kou

Yakuza Yashiro who only ever loved Kageyama, meets his new bodyguard, Doumeki Chikara. The masochistic, lewd and beautiful Yashiro and his silent, clumsy, impotent subordinate, Doumeki. This is the story of a man who has never known happiness and a man who is reborn by getting to know him.

*Stigma by Marloong

In the dark alleys of the city, there's no hope for trash like Sehyun. Having sex with strangers in the cramped stall behind a bar is just a typical Thursday night. But after a chance encounter with the brash and violent Boris, he begins to dream of living a normal life and putting an end to his restless nights.

Under the Plum Blossom Tree by Bori, Baekha

As the son of a prestigious political figure in Joseon, Hajin has only ever been interested in studying to become like his father. That is, until he meets Kim Namwoo, a young man who takes on various odd jobs as he struggles to pass his exams. As they overcome hardships together and learn more about each other's history, they soon realize that their lives are intertwined in more ways than they thought.

[bengiyo]

I Became the Main Role of a BL Drama Ep 2 Stray Thoughts

Last week, this became probably my favorite show of the year. We have a depressed former child actor who has been selected to star in a BL alongside an up and coming idol. He worries he will hold back the idol, but it turns out the idol is secretly his stan. Hijinks ensue. We have actors playing actors in a BL as a BL. I am living my best life.

Akafuji seems so disappointed about this female ex he didn't know about.

Of course I was denied the kiss by the method acting. You better not let me down, show.

Thank you for appreciating our short run time, Akafuji, and realizing you were in love on your own.

NOT A LEG KABEDON

Okay, I really like this show acknowledging that you shouldn't be suggesting rehearsing kissing scenes outside of work like this.

Wow, Aoyanagi is picking up on this really quickly, too.

Somebody please tell Aoyanagi to stop reading comments on Twitter.

I like this scene with Kuromiya. Just because of his public persona, he shouldn't be harassed by girls. I like Aoyanagi also commenting that their fame, while appreciated, also makes them suffer.

Okay, I really like Aoyanagi interrogating his own relationship with Akafuji and spending a day with him. Sucks that Akafuji's interests are basically just work.

This embarrassing man immediately got up for a mint at the suggestion that he might kiss Hajime.

Denied again. I will fight them. Just let the damn phone ring! Call them back later!

Kuromiya is so correct: You are filming the show. Do not mess up the dynamic and fuck up the BGP.

Where is Aoyanagi's manager? Take his phone from him.

Oh, this is making me sad. Akafuji is trying to maintain effective distance and Aoyanagi is spiraling in self doubt about his work.

Yes, Kuromiya, please meddle. Fix this.

Why is this show teasing me about the managers! I want it so badly!

Oh, poor Hajime. His loneliness got me.

He asked him out directly on a date OMG

I am going to cry over Hajime getting to experience simple pleasures with a friend for the first time.

The inherent homoeroticism of a photo booth.

What an incredible use of silence.

Few things get me more than characters having specific things about a character they like about them.

Uh oh, the lighting and camera have gone soft.

HERE WE GO, BESTIES.

Oh, that was a very Japanese BL kiss. I'm so excited to see where the truth takes them in the next episode.

They're removing the kiss! Terrible decision! What k. The Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice But to Kiss! is this???

Oof, the managers have caught on.

This show is moving at an incredible clip without feeling rushed. I am having so much fun. I really hope they kiss for real and as themselves.

[owl-at-home-28]

Just read Traces of Sun and wanted to come here say that I love it !!

It's so good especially the way it handles relationships, trauma and character developments like damn I genuinely cried in like nearly a year , not many books can make me tear up but this one really played with the feels . It's just a really good read ! Very well written and love the way characters develop and the author works with mental health subjects , it's just done well and it has a hopeful happy ending !!

This book was just something I need right now !!

Just an age warning:

this manhwa deals with dark and heavy, just mainly mature stuff , please be over at least 17 while reading it ! Things get pretty heavy there's also a scene of an attempt so yah take care of your mental health !!

Trigger Warning:

depression, suicide ideation, suicidal thoughts , self injury , child abuse , c-ptsd and trauma things including panic attacks , flashbacks , problems with relationships (platonic and romantic) etc . there's a lot .. it's pretty heavy in the that aspect

Plot summary by a unprofessional:

it's a dungeon type manhwa with bl or shonen ai as canon , very cute relationship, even when ml feels like a red flag I insist keep going this emotionally repressed and traumatized man turns out to be a big BIG Green flag .

The MC is just amazing his journey with mental health, suicide ideation and thoughts , survival guilt (with loosing loving amazing friends) and c-ptsd are beautifully depicted with the story progression .

I think I personally love the end where it's " I'm not better yet but I will get there someday with this amazing new friends/family I have found ".

Though I wouldn't recommend it for people who only read dungeon , hunter type manhwa for action alone .. it definitely has its badass moments but not something the plot focuses on it's main focus is around its people and their journey focusing a lot on mental health aspects , also has suspense and cliffhanger moments . Would definitely recommend it if you like manhwa like :

S class that I raised , trash of count family, regressor instructions manual , etc though there's way less occurrence of mc plotting things , and no time travel or regression going on , but the characters hold similar complexities in nature and development, it's different but good ! Also a good and small read for people who like mdzs and tgcf .

Trigger Warning again I guess and plot point : just a reminder this deals heavily around suicide, thoughts and ideation .

If you're looking for Bl, angst with happy ending, especially around the suicidal thoughts, ideation , attempt(albeit a little doubtful one) with hopeful end !

I would highly recommend

P.S specially wanted mention to these amazing friends who die. cause there's a chapter that had a choke hold on my feels for a while ! This chapter was definitely something I didn't know I needed in my life until I found it !!

[essentiallykpopandbl]

Like most people, I am not over Love for Love's Sake. And it will be a while before I move on from this amazing little BL. But I needed to word vomit about this show and get it out of my head.

When I was watching the show, what really stuck out to me was the willingness to show these characters be truly depressed. I talked about this when To My Star 2 came out and made us wallow in pain for weeks on end, that representation of mental health and depression is so important. It was the way that we knew Myungha felt that he had a miserable life, but somehow had a smile on his face for a large part of those first few episodes. As someone who likes to plaster a smile on my face to hide the pain, I connected with Myungha on a deeply personal level. Its the way in which he was able to change from emotional to joking around and smiling at Yeowoon that proves this is not a new thing for him. He has mastered the ability to hide his emotions from years of doing that. And as the story goes on, we see that slip. His face can't hide everything as well as he would hope. But feeling those emotions are not bad. They are a part of life, and feeling depressed does not make you any less deserving of happiness or a good life or love. And I really think more people need to see that. More shows should let us watch an entire scene of a character sitting for hours in one spot contemplating a difficult decision. Or show more characters who spend a lot of time drowning in their thoughts. Because there are a lot of us out in the world that experience those same problems. That need to be shown that there is nothing wrong with you and while the world might seem against you, there will always be people that can help raise you up. That can give you stable ground to walk on. That life is made up of moments. And we need to hang onto those moments that bring us joy and make us feel good. Because those moments will carry us through the darker ones. And I just think this show did such an amazing job of caring for their characters enough to show the ugly sides. Because it made them being together in the end that much sweeter.

[rottenzone]

Rhys 5 and 22? :))

YAAAAY thank you for asking! (sorry for the late reply! I was busy preparing for the exams...)

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them? ! ! ! Dorian Electra - Career Boy ! ! ! 22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like? hmmm I often read fanfics that continue Rhys's story. I find it very interesting to explore the aftermath of everything that’s happened to him, especially considering his newfound position as Atlas CEO. The game leaves plenty of room for various interpretations. I simply adore how versatile and complex Rhys is. On first glance, he’s such a silly goofball, terribly naïve at times, but in actuality, he’s still an ambitious prick, eerie and sinister in his own way… I greatly respect any author who can capture that. ...tbh, I usually read fanfics that have Rhys and Jack in them (either romantic or not; it’s not that important for me). A deep dive into characters whole essence is what really piques my interest, and I'd love to see more pieces of media that go all the way into unraveling Rhys’s subtle, darker aspects of life. For example, tftb hints at Rhys’s PTSD and possible depression, and it’s obvious that he can’t possibly recover from all these traumatic events that easily. I think it might not have been right away, but over time, the triggers took their toll. Moreover, the warlike situation, the loss of the closest of friends with no way of reaching them, and constant mundane work within four walls with little to no free time don’t seem like a perfect happy end for Rhys now, does it? Both in new tales and tftb, Rhys feels like he's all alone, isolated, with only his suffocating thoughts lurking, unable to deal with them, and finding solace only in escapism (work, etc.). Oh, I absolutely love it when fanfics dive deep into such grim topics… (I hope that doesn't sound too weird. Rhys deserves everything good, and I love light stories, too, but my all-time favorite tropes would be those described above)

About the things I don’t like…ohhh...i honestly don't like character infantilization and turning him into an obedient dummy, cutesy baby boy, as if he didn’t work for Hyperion and didn’t act douchey in order to climb that corporate ladder??? …ANYWAY, it’s hard for me to dive into any specifics. (I generally am a bit scared of the bl fandom…yk?)