#i hope you had time to play video games | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

w1tchybusiness · 7 months ago

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i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.

#ive been playing on and off since 2019 but its only recently when i dumped destiny 2 (probably for good) and picked it up #to fill the grind-shaped hole in my heart #that i have uncovered just how FUCKING INCREDIBLE warframe is #everything about it makes me incredibly autistic #from its masterful utilization of an incredibly styled and individual soundtrack full of absolute bangers #to its seemingly unique understanding of how and why an MMO is special to and because of its players #and its truly special story- a uniquely human take on the “post-ruin scifi” tale #it knows exactly how and when to yank on your heart to make you weep like a baby #and it knows exactly when you're going to get angry and want vengeance #and it knows when to let you let loose and unleash hell #SPOILERS FOR THE NEW WAR AHEAD #IF YOU THINK YOU COULD PLAY THE GAME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO #SPOILER WARNING #i think the narmer corruption of fortuna was genuinely one of the most gutpunchingly horrible moments ive ever experienced in a video game #i started playing when fortuna was already in the game but the story of fortuna and vox solaris was really what made warframe stand out 2 m #i would drop into the orb vallis as gauss and dash around doing bounties and fishing and mining because i really loved everything about #fortuna and wanted to spend as much time there as possible #for me vox solaris was my proudest achievement (in warframe.) to say “i helped that! i did that!” was an incredibly good feeling #the story really spoke to me on a deeper level #and vox solaris has always been my favorite faction as a result #so to do absolutely everything that i could #to lift together with my tenno brothers and sisters and yet STILL fail?#and to have it rubbed in my face by the corruption of the greatest shining pillar of hope in the warframe universe?#felt like i got kicked in the stomach #i felt sad and angry. but most of all i was DRIVEN.#which is GOOD. because RARELY does a video game present you the “you lost” scenario and have it feel not only satisfyingly painful #but MOTIVATING.#my only complaint with the new war is that i didnt get to hack ballas to pieces by myself #i had real flashbacks to running around helping people as gauss while approaching the final boss with erra #and to step onto the ballas arena as gauss prime. i nearly came from the narrative significance

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lickithrice · 2 months ago

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:)

#I had a great weekend #was taken on a convertible joyride #treated to a canoe ride #a fire pit on the beach #watched two movies today #played video games with bestie #yeah just a great time #now I’m gonna blog high and listen to music #thank you for reading this #I hope you’re well

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thebuttsmcgee · 7 months ago

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Man. I just get so actually legitimately sad each time I remember that toh ended and that we live in the post-toh world. Like it really is over.

Ms Dana Terrace has said that she'd like to do more given the chance (and after some quality time off of bigger projects, just to chill), but as far as we know, it's the end.

Heck, we barely got anything after the final episode, no books, no special merch, no dedicated little chibi shorts, nothing really, aside from the, thankfully fun, get-togethers of the cast and crew!

Idk. Ah well actually nah, I do know, that this show just meant an enormous lot to me. Incredibly huge, the kind that you can't break away from and wouldn't want to anyway. The kind that feels like, man, where would I be without it.

Happy 1 Year, to the end of The Owl House. Thank you, The Owl House.

I hope the future is bright, for all of us.

#The Owl House #TOH #Owl House #and tbh. its also why I havent exactly been posting as much!#I just. really miss it man.#and thinking so hard of how great it all was. gets me choked up for real lol.#I do hope theres more for us in the future. I really cant say for certain.#Cause to be less sentimental and more analytical for a moment #TOH was d1sney's biggest original ip hit that wasnt a movie for both such a long time and in a good long time!#Yes yes the internet doesn't always entirely mean the reality of things (which is why financially bcg is their biggest hit technically)#but to actually think back upon it all #TOH always had news articles and video essays and huge followings on tons of communities #especially on youtube! which isn't that easy! Youtube will always be dominated by bigger named things so the fact that toh DID get trending #number 1 more than once? Was incredibly impressive. And not just that but the viewer demand and count were through the roof! Huge in general #television numbers. All to say that is is that toh was an enormous hit. both financially and to people. so. yeah. It's. kind of in the air?#I guess? that no one really knows what could happen. I mean hell amph1bia is still getting books.#Granted....lets not forget ofc that disknee really. really. reaaaally doesnt. like. toh. ×^| but who knows!#personally? still hoping for a save the light styled game someday. or just some game that I can play on my switch someday.#but yep! Enough of my rambling. Thank you for everything The Owl House. really. Truly.

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your-local-uwu-artist · 1 year ago

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sleepover~

had a lot of fun with this, I wanted to practice poses, character interaction, and composition: + I wanted to try out a softer color scheme ...well as soft as my endless love for super saturated colors allows

#south park #stan marsh #eric cartman #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #kyukyudraws #what if i shared some drawing notes in the tags :o #dnfjka #okay well for starters the video game cases are supposed to be mario kart 8 deluxe cooking mama 2 and pokemon sun #I was gonna do the dinosaur pjs for cartman but then i was like “what if cats”#considered having kyle's book be one of those unofficial minecraft novels but then i remembered now they have official ones and that stunte #my thought process so instead he just gets vague purple book #kenny gets a loz shirt because of princess kenny's resemblance to zelda #sketches had like at least 5 different kenny pose ideas sketched out #some abadened kenny poses include: having him upside down : having him sideways laying on top of everyone else #anyways i evuentually found the pose i settled on #i had to adjust stan's pose slightly to balance it out #before kenny's was decided stans just had it so his spread out leg didn't go sideways #hope you know that while i drew those uno cards that one audio played in my head the entire time #the 1 where it's the angsty 'in the back of my mind' song then 'hey you guys wanna play uno real quick so i can make that my upload tonight #i saw a version where it was count bleck and nastasia for the back of my mind than mimi and mr.L for the uno bit #mr.l was the one with the oldest xbox known to man btw #i actually referenced that before on that mimi and mr.L doodles post

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darthyolk · 17 days ago

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I've finally finished my first boss for my demon hunting game Judgement Nights! A guard dog for a much stronger demon, Grub keeps their secret safe and hidden from all mortal or demonic eyes

#I hope the notes help to understand what I was trying to go for hehe #Judgement Nights as a system hasn't really been tested by players yet. Just me.#I haven't played enough ttrpgs to know if something like this has been done before or not but something like it probably does lmao #think original fallouts if all of your allies shared one turn instead of being sorted into a turn order. If it was all just your guy's turn #And you had to balance using your AP wisely because whatevers left over you can use to counter the opponents turn!!#I hope that makes some sense I've been writing for a minute now and am kinda tired I'll probably go more in depth in another post #this post was supposed to be abt Grub but now its abt the combat as a whole woopsie :3 #Grub needs just a bit more polish but I'm really happy I've gotten this far. Used to kinda be a far out idea but now that a Demons characte #sheet is right in front of me it feels almost surreal #First time designing a Tabletop game from the ground up and not basing it off an existing ip/ converting a video game into a tabletop #(even though its still very video game inspired taking a good bit from Devil May Cry)#indie ttrpg #Judgement Nights #ttrpg

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mad-hunts · 4 months ago

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tw: cannibalism, (slightly) graphic depictions of violence and HEAVY elements of horror will be ahead, so i'm going to put this under a 'read-more' if you'd rather skip out on this one.

so they looked around for a bit, and that's when they found it. this blood trail going down the floor of the hallway, which was already kind of scary, though it was nothing compared to the sound of someone's ringtone suddenly resounding from one of the rooms in the back (think one of those love songs with sort of creepy vibes to them like ' unchained melody. ') so, once your muse gathered enough courage, they decided to proceed down it even though something inside of them was screaming that something seemed wrong. and it seemed like they were right because once they reached the back, they found a dead body just... pressed up against the wall with blood spattered behind them. and there were other spots of the wall spattered with blood as well.

i feel like, for a character that's supposed to be pretty horror-oriented, that this account has been kind of lacking in content related to that lately, SO imagine this scenario, y'all. your muse is friends with or just cares about barton in some way. and thus, whenever they find out that he's attracted the ire of someone dangerous + that he's been missing for WEEKS, they assume the worst and try to find out his location. which leads them to this already creepy, dilapidated, and abandoned mortuary. and they honestly didn't know what they were expecting once they entered it, but it certainly wasn't this deafening silence, and there seeming to be... no one around?

so, you try to circle around to find out what the hell is going on, but then you see the thing that barton is hunched over is a body and a third one on the autopsy table in the room. and your muse can't help but blanche + feel like they've just stumbled into the lions den, because barton is not only SO beat up, but he's eating the person below him. and it's absolutely horrific because whenever they gasp at the sight is when barton finally looks up at them.

it was ALL over this corpses' face, though, as it appeared like they died from some sort of brutal blunt force trauma. but there's also another blood trail that is smeared across the floor up and under one of the doors in the back, which they are REALLY questioning whether they want to open now. they choose to do so with their eyes closed after remembering that barton would do the same for them (and by that, i mean he would want to save them JSJSJ), and all they can see when they open them is the back of barton hunched over something, or someone as you discover while getting closer to him. and it's like he is either ignoring you or hasn't heard you enter the room because he's still focused on whatever he was doing.

and there is just NOTHING behind those eyes even though he's got a copious amount of blood dripping down from his lips and dripping down his chin + neck. like JSJSJ i don't know about you guys, but i would be sooo scared because not only is this NOT normal behavior for him at all, it's god damn terrifying to see someone cannibalize you someone else. and so if he were real, along with me being in this situation, i probably wouldn't talk to him for a while because i wouldn't even know where to begin AHHH

#tw: blood.#like OMG. just the concept of not knowing exactly what happened but seeing that barton looks pretty much completely broken here-#tw: mentions of murder.#tw: (slightly) graphic depictions of violence.#tw: disturbing content in general.#tw: horror.#tw: cannibalism.#i just... i blame myself for playing video games like outlast whenever it comes to me creating frightening stuff like this JSJSJ #and is EATING someone while he's at it is... i have no words. i hope i didn't scare any of you guys with this scenario building-#thing of mine bc i would feel really bad if i didn't NGL. i'm obviously not trying to condone violence or cannibalism here-#i just think that it's important to show just how horrific barton can really be as a character and how even villain's have a breaking-#point though OFC that doesn't make anything he did justified. once again barton was just using something he knew would help him-#regain control of the situation which would be violence in this case even though it's not right AT ALL and is so chilling #that it may or may not make him look monstrous 😬 though like i was saying before whatever they did to him had somewhat contributed-#to him becoming like this though barton still has to take responsibility for his actions and so... yeah. IDK how y'alls muses-#would deal with something like this but i know i would be wanting to nope out of there as soon as i saw him hunched over someone NGL #and quite possibly time for at leasttt a psych eval because something happened and it was NOT good like i was saying before

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icewindandboringhorror · 5 months ago

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Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...

#Definitely not going to be able to stick with it just due to like... being realistic about my energy levels and etc. ESPECIALLY as we #enter the Evil Summer and it becomes hot all the time. But... one can attempt.. at least...#I'm also a very slow writer since I tend to re-read and edit while I write. and only move onto the next section once what I'm writing #seems okay. Which is easy for visual novel type stuff. since ''sections'' of a conversation are more clearly marked (like if you #have a menu option with 5 different dialogue choices. finish the character's response for choice 1 before moving onto 2. etc.)#Especially since when I'm done with a whole quest I always follow it up by playing through it and picking every option and making sure it #actually all works okay and etc. So I am already going to see it all a second time. Then I can go back and reorder a few words or remove #certain sentences that don't sound natural when I read them out loud (I always read it all outloud to myself since it is... just peple #talking.. it should sound like natural dialogue in their voice. etc). But my ''first draft'' is kind of not as first drafty since I pause t #edit a lot as I go along. So it also takes longer probably than it would take other people who I think treat a first draft as more #of a loose guideline or something. AANYWAY...#80F in my bedroom right now again... huzzah... I did end up finishing and recording that sims build video before the heat wave (or is #it really a heat wave if it's just summer..?? lol) came in.. but now... augh.. the editing... plus the costume photos and all else... Much #to do as always.. Often such a long todo list.. a giant scroll hung upon the walls of the evil hermit wizard tower..#Anyhow.. I hope I can finish getting ready for bed early in time to reward myself with a game of tripeaks solitaire whilst I snack on #cheddar cheese and some of those preserved artichokes in a jar. hrgm... I actually have nasturtiums (ultimate best flower) on the #deck again this year but I had to move them all into a corner today because the leaves were getting burnt by the sun lol.. Also am now more #cautiously weaving through social media to ignore all dragon age news. NOT bc of spoilers (I actually love spoilers/literally never play #any game until there's full guides on it I can read to plan my entire playthrough based on knowing exactly what I want to happen lol + mods #and etc.) but just because I'm so busy with my ownprojects I simply do not have the brainspace to dedicate... Yes I love to think #about elves and fictional universe lore. but no.. I pretend I do not see it. Does not exist to me actually. ghgj.. OHH also took som #cool pictures of flowers in the garden section of a store and I wanted to do like.. character designs based on the colors of the flowers o #something. but that might just be another unnecessary project to add to the pile.. I want to commit to the daunting task of dyeing my #hair again some time.. hrm.. this is all of the updates I can think of. As if a bunch of random tags make up for never posting anything for #weeks on end lol.. alas.. too warm to think properly I suppose.. .. I neeeeeed a long lost relative to leave me some million dollar #estate in their will so I can have the resources to move to a colder climate or something ..augh #.. but for now.. I shall toil away in my little wizard tower trying to write 2000 something words a day whilst sweating and such ghbj

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herssian · 2 years ago

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i think all humans are capable of creating and do create even when they don’t realize they are, in various frequencies, forms, and across different mediums or aspects of life, but i truly believe there are some people who were made to create first and foremost and everything else comes second. i don’t know what the percentage is and i don’t know how many were taught to put it on the back burner because “that’s not how life or society works”, but it’s always sad to see the general public, especially those in charge, unwilling to give support to their creatives and help them flourish. it’d be a boon for everyone in the end, we all partake in art to be entertained or soothed or healed :(

#throughout my school years art was always seen as a childish subject and was never part of education #when it was it was treated as wasted time unless you were hoping to become an architect #and even then it was never as important as those who went for the humanities or STEM #ever since i started interacting with creators who are in it professionally i realized that we've all had the same experience #no matter what part of the world we grew up in #and if you want to find a way to eat as a creator you need to hustle 24/7 and make others support your work or you're homeless #no support from the governments no real way to even attempt to make it unless you're fortunate enough to afford the necessities #while you're hoping luck will be on your side and others who may be struggling themselves manage to support your work #i often feel selfish for having these thoughts and i know i'm not alone in this #there's no creator who doesn't have their own self doubt in the back of their mind constantly reminding them #if they'd chosen a more convenient profession this wouldn't be a problem #thus you and your art in itself are what's wrong here #if everyone who created had followed that voice we'd have no books or films or songs or plays or video games or or or or #much love to all of you

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automatonknight · 1 year ago

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i <3 2fort forever yay ^__^

#had so many fun interactions today and also learnt how to group taunt :3 baby's first kazotsky kick #i'm a pyro main usually but since everyone was fucking around i decided to switch to medic to see how it is and had not one but TWO heavies #call for me and then killbind/explode upon reaching a certain point. one of them even head an enemy intel and was a-posing the entire time #<a-posing and spinning! even #we got to the intel room and he just turned back. went upstrairs. started eating a banana and then killbinded. never change heavies i love #you. the other one did the go kart taunt and then tried to taunt kill me?? we were on the same team. well and then he exploded #i already mentioned pyro sewer party that was super cute :3 also like my first group interaction. special moment not to get cheesy #AND. and. yet another heavy with a wilson weave tried to teach me how to group taunt. like y'know. do the conga together #<i was convinced i couldn't do it since i didn't have it unlocked and stuff but i could!!! thank you heavy :]#i hope they was me eventually figure it out. had no way to check since they were on the enemy team and that doesn't display names #sorry about the wall of text i'm just!!!! well i just had a lot of fun :]#people also kept standing in those little towers? like y'know blu team player jumps on a red player and then a blu jumps on top of that one #and bam. tower right. there was also one pyro who had the minion fit AND the sign with a minion picture as well #i'll never get those people who make those 'strange people of 2fort videos' like the fuck you mean strange. they're so fun #GOSH. sorry about the wall of text again anyways um. download the game and play on 2fort ok? super fun

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dany36 · 1 year ago

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famous last words after the crystal bearers was released :(

#junk #final fantasy crystal chronicles #ffcc #too bad they butchered the multiplayer from the original ffcc in the remaster and was widely criticized by fans u_u #otherwise i'd have hope that this underrated series would get picked up again and have new games come out for it T_T !!!#what i actually wanted to talk about before i got distracted by that yt comment in the sacred haven video #was how it's such a shame that the sacred haven song is so short #but unfortunately it works SO WELL because it IS so short #just so fucking delicious. like. it's so soothing to listen to if only for the less than two minutes that it plays for.#and ALSO i really can't stop thinking about how this song plays at the title screen and you hear it every time you are about to play #and then!!!!! it fucking plays at such an intense and emotional part of the ending!!!#like FUUUUUUCKKADLFKJASLDFKJALSKDJF i was so shocked at the emotional impact that part had on me aaaaaaaaaaaaaa #this game is so short i really should just do a new game+ of it and cry some more about it #anywaysss just randomly thinking about the cc series again sigh!!!

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flamboyant-king · 2 years ago

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Magfest was fun! Walked around as Cammy, made a lot of “merch,” talked to a bunch of cool dudes, traded wares, met new friends and finally met old ones, got a jello shot from a Raccacoonie cosplayer, ate so much awful food, learned of new games, and got inspired.

I made so many buttons of cammypus and other funny creatures, folded 50+ origami boxes for the perler bead crafters, and drew on any paper I can find. It was nice and now I have no money.

#magfest #i may not have partied played video games all day or whatever but fun is diff for everyone #my fun is just seeing everyone having a good time. All the colors and being surrounded by folks who enjoy the same things i do #also i got to meet an online friend of over a decade. We played games and watched anime and did what friends would do #true friendship. But now. I gotta uhh fix the things i eat because we ate nothing but carbs #i have gained five pounds. I am squishie. But iv been inspired to try and fail because hey not everyone wins on their first try #we got a free hamster plushie for a game dev company whose game HAMSTERDAMflopped #im sure making so many pkushies hey anticipated a hit. But we cant have it all #and it inspired me to just believe we’ll have a hit and do our best. And if it flops. We can try again with something else or improving #on what we had. Thank you funny hamster plush named pim. Support their new game WILDMENDER #failure isnt the end of the world. And sometimes we’ll lose time money or effort on something that wont succeed #but thats jsut a step towards actual success #so heres hoping we get the balls to table at a convention and sell silly little trinkets we made #akso i want a button maker now #shoutout to zack viet and matt. I appreicate yall talking to me and your smallest support. Anything is everything.#watched everything everywhefe all at once. All that combined is tingling my brain towards thoughts

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wasabikitcat · 2 years ago

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the loneliness of not having close friends vs the desire to not Be Perceived

#im not an especially closed off person. at least not intentionally.#i just intensely fear violating peoples boundaries to the point where i only speak when spoken to.#which becomes a problem once you reach adulthood and are no longer obligated to speak to anyone #and therefore no one speaks to you. so instead of speaking when spoken to you just. don't speak.#for my entire life all of my friends have been made by other kids at school reaching out to me to talk. not the other way.#now that doesn't happen anymore and i haven't kept up with my childhood friends for various reasons so i just. don't have friends.#i would say i have online friends but I don't know if they consider me friends and im too afraid to ask... because i speak when spoken to #I guess my biggest regret is that after a certain point in my childhood i have never had a friend that i could just call on discord #or Skype or whatever chat service at the time and ask if they want to play a video game with me.#because I've never had a friend that shares those interests with me that I was close enough to to feel comfortable asking.#sorry tumblr is my therapist now. i just needed somewhere to say this. pretend you do not see.#(thus reinforcing my 'desire to not be perceived' point again sghdhsk. do not perceive me but also do but don't. hope that makes sense.)

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opheliac · 2 years ago

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yeah so apart from a small assignment a professor gave me an extension for, i am all done this semester and thank goodness for it.

#wrote my last exam this morning and you know what? even if i fail i really did do my best given my circumstances #which were INSANE these last few months and constantly changing too #idk im just im so proud of myself for surviving through this far its been really difficult and its still all difficult but yeah #celebrate the victories you do get #attempting positivity and bright thinking is so hard after being so sad and bitter for such a long time but also refreshing #already today i got myself yummy treats and watched a movie under my blankets for fun and it was so nice to just watch the movie and #not have to check my phone to sew if i was needed or to get back to working on a deadline or some task #and i actually have time to play video games now and i always say ill play for 12 hours but i usually get a headache after like 3 hours bu #but the point is having fun i just want to have fun i have not had any fun in months im not exaggerating #everything really has just been so grim and bleak for me but hopefully dedicating some time to forcing myself into an activity will help #i really need to shift gears and focus on recovery now because i let things get so bad #yeah sometimes i experience hope and various types of positivity #ezra.txt

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gynoidgearhead · 8 months ago

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[Image caption for original post: live-action ad of a preppily dressed young blonde woman in a spring green blouse with daisies, spring green jacket tied around her shoulders, and pink skirt, headband, and purse showing up with a plate of red gelatin dessert to a party with two gothily dressed young women. around her head, The Sims-style interaction bubbles read, clockwise from bottom left: "flee", "cry", "faint", "die", "show tattoo". Text in the bottom left corner reads as follows: "Popularity. One of five new reasons to live. A whole new generation is in your hands. Satisfy their social ambitions, or pursue less pretentious life goals like Romance, Family, Knowledge, and Fortune. The choice is up to you. Come to think of it, pretty much everything is. Take charge at eagames.com." End text.

Comment in @boggmann's addition by @tacticalannoyance reads: "I can't believe no one said it but IT IS GAY CULTURE BC YOU COULD GET GAY MARRIED AND EVERYTHING AND THAT WAS HUGE BC THIS SHIT WASN'T EVEN LEGAL FOR ALMOST TEN YEARS AFTERWARDS!!! The Sims let you how GAY with zero repercussions in game and it was so fucking NORMAL. People lost their shit over it. they still do. This game was out and added content from 2004-2008. This game is older than most legal rights for LGBTQ+ people in the entire world." End captions.]

More than ten years, in fact - Obergefell was 2015.

Also, in case anyone hasn't heard this story, a gay employee quietly implemented same-sex romantic interactions into the first The Sims game before it was shown to the public, and reportedly, a spontaneous kiss between two female Sims during a public stage demonstration pretty much cemented the fact that the game was going to feature gay content.

this sims 2 ad has like such deep gay energy to it. Like this feels like queer history to me

#kinda sucks that the sims 4 is so like. anodyne and anti anything interesting in life though? esp. given how daring the first several were #like yeah you can get gay married. and there are some rad gender options i sorely wish they had in the sims 2/3. but you can't go anywhere #and they took a lot of the humor out of the game too. it's like silly and sterile rather than wacky and occasionally grim #anyway yeah like. the sims has always been a trailblazer in video games - both for women in gaming and for lgbtqia+ rights #really hoping project rene or life by you or paralives is good #because i really want to recapture the magic of playing the sims 1/2/3 for the first time but the actual games are often painful to play #like i downloaded ts1 complete for s&g's and to try simitone but i don't remember it actually being that good by modern standards #ts2 has an annoying lack of body diversity (less so than ts1 but still) and a lot of other annoying limitations and generally feels crusty #ts3 is cool but kind of A Lot. plus it runs slow but that's less of an issue for me personally. (might merge all my hair cc)#also i am kinda dissatisfied with all current ts3 neighborhoods #my favorite is the custom hood bridgewood but it annoys me that the sun's the wrong way. but fixing this would require totally remaking it #i might do that? but that's too gigantic a project for me to undertake right now #i started looking at doing some hex editing and s3pe hackery to basically just turn the whole thing around but. yeah #the sims #representation #the sims 2 #media #video games #gaming

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autumnoakes · 4 months ago

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i'm scared i'll be called out if i talk about having OCD because i don't have a diagnosis and have no plans to get one (i cannot figure out where the first place to go to for a diagnosis is and i don't want treatment for it since it seems like the primary form of OCD treatment is exposure therapy which is a hell no for me) but at the same time i feel like it would be helpful to a lot of people (which is why i usually talk about being audhd because i want to help people)

#like i cannot find anything wrt autism or adhd about intrusive thoughts like these and i feel like its forbidden to talk about #especially for me because my brain separate self-diagnosed and clinically diagnosed and i hate that it does that #but it feels like a solid and distinctive DIFFERENCE you know?#and its been like 5 years total since i first self dxed with ADHD and i never shook the feeling of “you'll be called out for faking it”#(professionally dxed now but i still cannot shake the feeling)#it doesnt help that youtube is one of my lazy pastimes and they're HORRID to self-dxed people on youtube #like countless videos on why self-diagnosis is bad actually #whereas in my experience it was genuinely necessary to be diagnosed with ADHD. and it was genuinely necessary to be assessed for autism too #(maybe not a full self-dx but i had to have a solid suspicion at the very least and a willingness to spend $2500 per assessment for it)#i'm hoping once i get a job i can seek out therapy for everything but i dont want OCD treatment if it means exposure therapy #(i genuinely think it would make things worse for me because i'm really bad with masking everything and so i do genuinely expose myself #to a lot. and it hasn't really helped unless i know exactly what im expecting and even then it doesn't help at all)#(like i've seen re8 played through several times and still some scenes catch me off guard (especially in house dimitrescu))#hence why i only really play heavily animated games right now. even the intro to totk was almost a trigger #(but totk is still rated like e10+ so it wasn't too bad. it just almost set me off because of the intensity of the scene)#(the rest of it was fine. including the gibdos)

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exerlin · 8 months ago

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my life would be so much better with a 2nd non-bathroom room and a bunny rabbit

#bnuny thoughts #i think im getting burnt out on splatoon and it's making me sad #idk what else to do i wish i could pursue my hobbies but without space or meds i can't muster the strength i need #also i tried looking for a job today and wow. you even need a food certification to be paid minimum wage??#i just can't deal with this shit at all still #job hunting irl doesnt work and neither does online #too many barriers to entry for the simplest of things #i don't understand how anyone functions under these conditions #im not good enough at anything to be paid for it i guess #this system thinks i should die i guess #food is taking up all my extra money nowadays #and im still running out of food stamps #im eating 2 cups of ramen a day ($3 each) because i keep gagging on the $1 maruchan cups of ramen #i ordered a copious amount of noodles on amazon hoping to keep my food costs strictly on my EBT this month #trying to go out by myself as little as possible so that I can afford to be able to *insert literally anything that isn't play video games*#im so so deeply tired of video games i wish i could experience the wonders of life and reality but that costs money each time #video games cost money 1 time and can be played over and over again #sometimes they dont even cost money #but a drink that isn't prepackaged costs at least $5 #and food is even more than that #and no loitering because everything is actually private property #and also i feel extremely uncomfortable in public places like parks because strangers have always been hostile to me (in georgia)#and i have not had any experiences that conflict with that trend as i avoid public spaces (which is easy because you have to seek them out)#i want to be in one but i won't feel comfortable because i will feel like i don't belong #also i wouldnt know what to do #and anything like “daydreaming” or “relaxing” would probably result in my dazed ass accidentally staring at someone for too long #i just don't know how to deal with such an intense fear #at least not by myself

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