#i hope this makes sense. i have A LOT of thoughts about this and i was struggling to tie them all together

[ihatethecrowdsyouknowthat]

pillow talk - spencer reid x fem!reader

a night well spent fizzles out into soft words exchanged in pink sheets.

genre: fluff wc: 1019 warnings: mentioned sex, their first time together, casual nudity, inexperienced reader, insecurities, reassurance

It was soft, comforting even. Of course intense because how else could your first time together be? It was him, after all. As you lay, heavy pants finally returning to normal, steady breaths, a hand comes up to smooth down your hair and a kiss is gently pressed to your head.

"How do you feel?" Spencer asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

It proves to be a difficult question. A response seems counterintuitive, like it would demean the moment into something that has to be assessed. An answer has to come, nonetheless.

"I don't know." And it's the truth.

He hums thoughtfully and nods, running a hand down your shoulder. "Good or bad?"

"Good... like my brain's empty. If that makes sense," you answer.

Your head, on Spencer's bare chest, does, in fact, feel foggy. Before today, you were both too scared of the intimacy. Something changed the moment you felt him move his grip from your hip to your waist, like he was worried that he might make you uncomfortable. You didn't want that. It happened only after convincing him that you wanted to go further than the usual groping and hand stuff. Now you're unsure how you feel. Having someone you've been seeing for a while suddenly inside you is bizarre and always will be. You also can't seem to shake that voice that sounds a lot like your friends, telling you that he'll leave after he gets what he wants. Your mind is simply a flurry of everything that anyone has ever told you about intimacy. With Spencer, it was different, though.

Your hand finds his and you mindlessly toy with his fingers as you murmur, "you've done this more than me, correct?"

"Correct."

"How do people usually feel?" you ask softly.

"Everybody's different. You don't need to feel good." He takes a breath and explains in a matter-of-fact tone, his hand lifting above your shoulder to gesture while he talks, "the rush of serotonin and dopamine into our system can leave some people feeling sad or tired once those neurotransmitters decrease."

You nod, finding yourself understanding. It has been a while since you've engaged in any form of intimacy.

"That makes sense."

He nods as his fingers drop to continue the irregular patterns on your arm. His chin rests on your head. "So? How do you feel?"

Again, there's no correct answer to his question. It's a complicated experience with complicated feelings attached. But one thing is for sure, "I'm happy."

"I'm glad. I am, too," he hums.

A smile floats over your lips before a thought occurs and you have an inkling as to how he'll choose to reply to it. Your head lifts and you turn so you're now partly on your side, giving you a perfect view of his face in the soft glow of the afternoon. With the curtains closed, his skin was basked in pale yellow light, the pink of your sheets contrasting the pink of his cheeks.

"Did I do good?" you grin.

He finds you gorgeous, your sickeningly sweet smile making him gaze down at you in pure awe. It's the complete and utter truth when he responds with, "very."

You can't help but tease, "best you've ever had?"

"Yes. I don't think you could've fumbled that badge of honour if you tried," he smiles, his hand gently cupping your cheek, a rough thumb wiping away invisible tears.

Something about the sentiment gets to you. After all, you're nothing but a hopeful romantic. But you're also just a girl.

"So, even if I was bad, you'd still lie and say I wasn't?" you raise your eyebrows and bat your eyelashes.

His eyes narrow but the smile on his face shows you that he's not really upset. "No... I meant that I think I like you too much to not enjoy everything you do."

"Oh," you flush. Why does he have to be so perfect?

The hand on your cheek moves up to brush some of your hair back. "Yeah, oh."

Spencer's different than the guys you've interacted with. He's everything that little girls everywhere dream of. He's Prince Charming. That's why when your lips meet his and the sheet falls back, his eyes never once glance down. Perhaps he's an agent and an individual with three PhDs but he's a gentleman above all else. He never once wants to make you feel like he's not here for you.

When your lips break apart with happy smiles on both of your faces, you take in just how silly he looks. His hair is messy from your fingers, his cheeks are flushed and—your favourite of all—he's covered up to his stomach in pink sheets. The giggle that leaves you is unnecessary and unasked for.

He can't help the smile that comes from hearing your laugh. "What?" he mutters, brows furrowed.

"You just look... so very silly in my bed," you explain, a lovesick grin on your face.

"Oh. Well, I can't help what you choose as interior design."

You sigh dramatically, shaking your head like a disappointed teacher, "I suppose you can't."

The smile on his lips only grows as you act your ass off to seem sad by his comment.

"Perhaps I should also purchase pink sheets?" he suggests jokingly, tucking yet another stray strand behind your ear.

"I really think you should. It would complement your room and it would make you think of me so that's a bonus," you nod. You're unable to stay serious, though, the corners of your mouth lifting despite your efforts.

Spencer nods back, his bottom lip pushing up as he hums decisively. "I'm sold, let's go to the store," he says with an impressively straight face.

You laugh hard, beaming up at him with nothing but pure joy. You find his commitment to the bit amusing and, honestly, endearing. He points his thumb towards the bedroom door with his eyebrows raised in a silent question. Playfully, your eyes roll and rest your face in the crook of his neck.

"I'll get pink sheets if you want me to," Spencer softly mutters.

[fanfoolishness]

You’re welcome to disagree and can certainly make your own theories and posts. I think what you’re missing here is that these are side quests that the companions specifically ask Rook to come along for, and that a person can do things for multiple reasons.

The companions all have main side quests that Rook is involved with for important reasons - Lace’s shade, Emmrich vs. Hezenkoss, rescuing the griffons, ending the plans of people like Zara and Anaris who are clearly dangerous. These are big plotty quests that have little to do with Rook and everything to do with the companion in question, and aren’t what I was writing about.

We know the companions do many things together that Rook isn’t privy to. Harding and Emmrich go camping together. The companions meet for book club discussions that Rook doesn’t attend. Lucanis or Neve will be gone for weeks trying to help their city. They’re comfortable doing things that don’t involve Rook. So they don’t have to ask Rook along to smaller outings.

They also all have small side quests that they were *going to do anyway* - because they have lives, interests, and attachments - but they chose to invite Rook along. Yes Assan could use walks, yes Lucanis could use an ally, yes Emmrich loves the Necropolis. Rook isn’t their only consideration. Do I think that every time they invited Rook they were following a therapy logbook hoping to get them to grieve? No. But if they were going to do those things anyway (because they are richly written people with their own lives), and they care about Rook (and they do), and a lot of those things involve grief or calmness, it makes sense that they’d include their friend who they also know lost somebody and seems never to talk about it.

Do I think the writers intended us to think about 5 different funerary traditions for a good reason? Yeah I think it’s pretty likely. (Dalish, Tevinter, Nevarran, Trevisan, Qunari/Rivaini.)

This is the first DA game where grief has been confronted so openly since DA2, and even then, Hawke is the one who bears the grieving for their family. We can choose to kill Bartrand for Varric, we can have Fenris refuse to engage with his sister, Anders mercy kills Karl. None of those companions shows grief particularly for more than the immediate moment, despite these losses being huge. Aveline does mention needing time for her husband but never has a ceremony for him that we see. We do see in DAO that Alistair mourns Duncan, but we still don’t get a ceremony for him. We don’t get that same depth and richness specifically about the companions’ grief, and we definitely don’t see it in DA in general, where the companions simply don’t typically have those same struggles.

In Veilguard, everyone faces grief. Lace and Varric and the Titans. Davrin and Weisshaupt. Neve and Brom and possibly her city. Lucanis and Caterina and Illario’s betrayal and possibly his city. Emmrich and his parents and Manfred/immortality. Taash and their mother. Bellara and her faith and her brother, twice. Solas and his regrets.

It’s precisely because of the richness of these characters that there’s room for an interpretation that prescribes multiple motives to the small side quests that many thought were trivial. I’ve seen people complain about the “pointless” quests, even though there are many points to them - getting to know the characters, seeing different sides of different countries and factions in Thedas, and yes, looking at grief. I just really don’t think it’s a coincidence we go to so many funerals when the writers could have written the companions to have countless other storylines. Shathann and Cyrian could have lived. Brom could have been a living agent we meet. Heck Varric could have survived and helped talk down Solas at the end.

But instead grief permeates this game in and out, and that was very, very intentional.

Just losing my mind at the implications that the companions have all been trying to help Rook grieve Varric, and Rook doesn’t know

Emmrich, wise and long-familiar with grief, being told by Neve and Harding what happened; understanding why sometimes he overhears Rook’s muffled voice in the Infirmary, talking to no one. He takes Rook to the Memorial Gardens and mentions he talks to his parents, thinking Rook might be comfortable with the same. Rook lights candles and rings bells but Emmrich watches, sorrowed, to see Rook still seems in deep denial.

Neve takes Rook to the Wall of Light; a Shadow Dragon Rook knows just what this means but any Rook can understand the solemnity, the power of remembrance. Neve reenergizes Brom’s light and looks to Rook, hoping Rook will mention wanting to make one for Varric. Rook is kind and comforting to Neve, but Neve is lost in wondering why Rook doesn’t take the chance to open up. She can’t figure it. Maybe Rook just can’t face it, not yet. Maybe Rook does something privately. She isn’t sure but it nags at her.

Davrin’s not big on talking about feelings. He’d rather just move on. But he sees the way Rook seems a little hollow sometimes, a little distant; he sees how Rook takes so quickly to Assan. “Hey Rook,” he says, and invites them to come with him and Assan to safe places in Arlathan, where the woods are clean and green and growing, where real sunlight dapples through the trees. Rook always seems to love these outings, seems lighter afterwards. But Davrin feels a little confused in that Rook never seems to realize the outings are mostly for them.

Taash is another person not big on feelings. But they know how much feelings can twist you up and mess with your head. When Lace tells them about Varric they feel badly for Rook, and think to how they feel when they’re struggling. Epic fights, dragon fights, drinks with the Lords. Taash is perfectly capable of doing all that on their own. But maybe bringing Rook along will help get them out of their head a little bit. Does it help? Taash isn’t sure.

Bellara’s double-versed in grief after what happens to Cyrian. Rook helped her through trying to reach him, and Bellara wonders, in her own pain, if she can help Rook a little bit too. Especially if Rook is elven, teaching Rook about the braziers and the challenges is another tool she can share about her or their people, another way that might help Rook with their grief. Neve’s told her that the Wall of Light didn’t seem to help Rook much, but maybe a different funeral tradition could help them instead. Rook helps her light the braziers and Bellara feels her heart lightening, though she wonders at Rook, who seems more moved by Bellara’s reactions than anything else.

Lucanis is nearly as allergic to dealing with feelings as Davrin is, but he immediately clocks how Neve and Harding are acting, and asks what happened before he joined them. They tell him about Varric and that they’re worried about Rook, that Rook seems to just be shoving those feelings down without dealing with them. Lucanis is no stranger to that, but while it’s fine for him, he doesn’t want to see someone who risked their life to save him share that struggle. He brings Rook to Caterina’s funeral planning to show Rook it’s okay to admit the loss and honor it. When that doesn’t seem to make a dent, he falls back to his standard - lavish meals, small gifts, coffee. He knows it would help him. He just wishes it helped Rook too.

Lace hurts the worst after losing Varric and Lace is where Solas’ magic comes the closest to faltering. Rook can see Lace is down, she’s quiet, she’s afraid after what happens with the gods escaping; but Solas’ magic holds and Rook can still never see quite why. Lace would love to sit over drinks one night and share stories about Varric, but she sees that Rook doesn’t seem ready, and she doesn’t want to push. Instead she writes letters to Ma, to the Inquisitor, to Cassandra, to Aveline, maybe even to Hawke. She writes out her stories with Varric’s old quill and she carries a bolt of Bianca with her. A dozen times she goes to talk to Rook about him, and when she tries Rook turns away or changes the subject. It hurts, but Lace knows she can’t make Rook talk about him, and she hopes in time it will get better.

This just absolutely crushes me the more I think about it 😭

Edit: Varric’s death is Rook’s personal companion quest every other single companion tries to help them with, and can’t 😭😭😭

[requiemforthepoets]

it’s you that i’ve been waiting for, all of my life ⟢ LN4

final part of the crazy rich asians au ⟢ part one part two

PAIRINGS: lando norris x asian!female!reader

SUMMARY: with a lot of your family and friends are either getting engaged or married, it made you think about a lot of things—well, mostly marriage.

REMINDERS: this is purely fiction, the way how the character is portrayed in my story does not reflect the person that is portraying my character in real life. always separate fiction from reality, and do not repost or copy my work in any way.

WARNINGS: non-use of y/n, reader is asian, foul language, traditional family, asian culture & tradition, food, crazy rich asians inspired + plot, heiress reader, named characters (except reader, names are mostly taken from CRA), social status, high society, mentions of marriage, reader having a wedding fever, fluff, and minor typographical errors.

WORD COUNT: 9.6k

AUTHOR’S NOTE: finallyyyy, this is the last part of my crazy rich asians au. the rest of the updates for this series is already smaus—which will be updated sporadically. to all that read, commented, and reblogged, thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. tbh, i wasn’t even sure/confident with this three part series bc it was literally my first time writing this kind of fic, so thank you so much. as always, your reblogs/comments are highly appreciated, and i hope that you’ll enjoy this last part! also, happy new year, guys! 🥺❤️

You and Lando had just finished settling into your hotel, when your phone buzzed with an incoming facetime call from Nick. Surprised but not entirely shocked by his timing, you answered the call and held your phone up as you sat on the edge of the bed. Nick’s face appeared on the screen, expression tense and unusually serious.

“Hey, is Rachel with you right now?” he asked without preamble, tone laced with urgency.

You frowned, confused by the question. “No, she’s not,” you replied, glancing at Lando, who was sitting on the edge of the bef watching your conversation. “Lando and I already left Singapore earlier, we’re in Malaysia right now. Why? Is everything okay?”

Nick ran a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily before diving into the whole explanation. He told you and Lando about how your Auntie Eleanor had hired a private investigator to dig into Rachel’s background. Your stomach sank as he laid it all out—the dossier that your Auntie Eleanor had compiled, which included several Chinese news articles and missing person reports with Rachel’s mother’s photo. All these revelations had been shared with your Ah Ma at the wedding reception, and things had escalated from there.

You can slightly hear Nick’s voice trembling as he recounted how your Ah Ma had become mad and forbid Rachel from continuing her relationship with him, declaring that Rachel’s family background poses a threat to your family’s reputation. The words made your chest tighten, and you felt a mix of anger and sadness bubbling inside of you. Then it all started to make sense now—Rachel’s disoriented state, the way she fled from the reception without looking back.

“Wait,” you interjected, still processing everything. “Ah ma was at Colin and Minty’s wedding? I didn’t even see her, she rarely goes to events like that unless her presence is absolutely necessary.”

Nick nodded, confirming your thoughts. “She was there. It wasn’t planned for her to come, but I think Mom had managed to convince her.”

You sighed. “Well, that explained a lot. No wonder Rachel was running off like that, she must’ve been completely blindsided.”

He paused before continuing. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of her, but she’s not answering my calls or texts. I just—” he trailed off, his frustration evident.

Thinking quickly, you remembered something Rachel had mentioned in passing. “Maybe she’s staying at her best friend’s house? She told me once that she has a close friend in Singapore.”

Nick’s eyes lit up slightly. “That's a possibility. I’ll try to find out where her friend lives.”

“Do you need me to come back?” you asked, words spilling out before you could second-guess them. “Lan and I can fly back to Singapore tonight if you think it’ll help.” you glanced at Lando, who nodded in silent agreement.

He shook his head quickly. “No, no, don’t worry about it. I think I can handle it for now. But if Rachel answers your texts or calls, can you let me know right away?”

“Of course,” you said firmly. “I’ll text her again and keep you updated.”

“Thanks,” Nick said with a small, grateful smile.

“But hey, listen,” you said carefully, “if you find Rachel—in which I know that you will, you have to give her some time. Don’t push her, and don’t force anything.”

Nick was quiet on the other end, so you took it as a queue to continue. “She’s been blindsided, completely blindsided by all of it. Think about it, the information that Auntie Eleanor dumped on her, how it was thrown at her, none of it was easy for her to process. She didn’t even see it coming, and honestly, no one would’ve been ready for something like that.”

“I know,” Nick murmured. “But I just want to fix it. I want her to know that none of this changes how I feel about her.”

“I know you do,” you said gently. “But right now, Rachel needs space to process everything. Imagine if you’re in her shoes—finding out things about your family’s past in such a public and humiliating way. That kind of betrayal isn’t easy to shake off, especially when it comes out of nowhere.”

You paused, choosing your words carefully. “You have to be patient with her, Nick. Let her come to you when she’s ready. If you try to force her to talk or rush through it, it might just push her further away.”

There was another silence, then a resigned sigh from Nick. “You’re right,” he admitted. “I hate it, but you’re right. I just feel so useless sitting here, doing nothing.”

“Nicky, you’re not doing nothing,” you assured him. “The best thing you can do right now is respect her boundaries and be ready when she’s ready. Let her know you’re there, but don’t overwhelm her, and Nick…” you trailed off.

You briefly hesitated before adding, “Rachel was thrown into a pit of wolves. Our family, for all its grandeur and well, admit it or not, can be really cruel. She wasn’t prepared for it, but that’s not on her—it’s completely on us, and if you love her, you’ll help her navigate through it when she finally comes around.”

Nick’s voice softened. “I do love her, more than anything.”

“This might sound very cliché, but trust the process,” you said. “She’ll come back to you when she’s ready, and when she does, you’ll be there for her.”

“Thanks again,” he said quietly. “I really needed to hear that.”

“Anytime,” you replied. “Just keep me updated, okay? Don’t lose hope.”

“I won’t,” Nick promised.

“Alright, take care.” you said before ending the call.

As the screen went dark, you tossed your phone onto the bed with a sigh, staring at the ceiling in frustration. Your call to Rachel had gone straight to voicemail, and though you had sent her a message, you couldn’t shake the knot of worry in your chest. Flopping down beside your phone, you exhaled deeply. The fact that your Auntie Eleanor had gone so far as to hiring a private investigator made your blood boil. It was not just meddling—it felt invasive and cruel.

“Why?” you muttered to yourself, running a hand through your hair. “Why did she have to go that far?”

Lando glanced over you from where he was sitting, watching you silently for a moment before he laid down beside you on the bed.

“Hey,” he said softly, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. “What’s on your mind?”

“It’s just…Auntie Eleanor. Why would she do something like that? Nick and Rachel were happy, and Ah Ma already liked Rachel, so why did she have to ruin it all? What does it even accomplish?” your voice wavered slightly as you spoke, your emotions bubbling to the surface.

Lando listened patiently, letting you vent. When you paused, he gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I get it,” he said gently. “It’s frustrating, and it’s not fair to Rachel. But you know Nick, he’s not going to give up on her just because of this. They’ll figure it out eventually.”

You looked at him, brows furrowed. “But what if they don’t? What if this just ruins everything?”

“It won’t,” he said firmly. “They’ve come this far, haven’t they? Something like this might take time to work through, but if they’re meant to be, they’ll find their way back to each other. You’ve got to believe in that.”

His words were calming, and you found yourself nodding slowly. “You’re right,” you said, though the knot in your chest didn’t fully loosen. “I just want them to have the happy ending they deserve.”

“And they will,” Lando assured you with a small smile. “But right now, you’ve got to focus on what you can control. We’re in Malaysia, come on, let’s enjoy our time. Relax, and take a breather from all the chaos back in Singapore.”

You gave Lando a weak smile, appreciating his efforts to make everything better. “Yeah, you’re right. We should make the most of it while we’re here.” pushing yourself off the bed, you glanced towards your suitcase. “We’ve got dinner plans later, don’t we?”

Lando grinned, standing up and holding out his hand to help you. “We do. Let’s go have a great night.”

You took his hand, letting him pull you to your feet, and smiled at him. “Alright.”

The first day in Malaysia began early, with the rising sun casting a soft golden glow as you and Lando set off for George Town in Penang. The drive was long, roughly about four hours from Kuala Lumpur, where you’re staying, but the journey was as much a part of the adventure as the destination. Lando was behind the wheel, where one of his hands was steady on the wheel, and his other free hand was laced on your fingers. His eyes occasionally darted towards you while you admired the scenery as you passed by.

“So,” he started, glancing at you with a teasing smile, “are you going to be my personal tour guide for the day?”

You grinned, looking at him. “Of course.”

When you arrived, George Town immediately swept you off of your feet. The streets were alive with so much color and culture, with the British colonial buildings standing gracefully alongside vibrant Chinese shophouses and intricate mosques. The air smelled of spices and street food, and the chatter of locals filled the space with a sense of warmth and energy.

“Look at that one,” he said, pulling you gently toward a painting of a little boy riding a bicycle. “We have to take a photo here.”

Lando pulled out his camera and posed next to the mural, with a wide grin on his face. “Your turn, come on,” he said after snapping his photo, motioning for you to take his place. “Hold on,” he gestured for you to pose in front of the mural. You rolled your eyes playfully but obliged to his request, striking a simple pose.

“Perfect,” he said as he snapped the photo before lowering the camera. “Though the real thing’s better than the photo,” he added cheekily, leaning in to plant a quick kiss on your cheek.

“Smooth,” you teased, shaking your head but smiling nonetheless.

You wandered through the streets hand in hand, occasionally stopping every so often to admire the architecture of the small shops selling everything ranging from antiques to handmade crafts. At one point, Lando pulled you into a quiet alley where a local artist was painting a new mural. He tilted his head, examining the work.

“Think I could pull something like this off?” he joked, referring to the mural’s intricate design.

“Absolutely not,” you replied, laughing. “But I’d pay good money to watch you try.”

The day would not have been complete without food. You introduced Lando to char kway teow, a flavorful stir-fried noodle dish. He took his first bite, his expression shifting from curiosity to delight.

“Okay, this is incredible,” he said, nodding enthusiastically as he went for another bite.

“You have a good taste,” you replied, stealing a noodle from his plate.

“You mean you have a good taste,” he corrected.

The day continued like that—strolling, laughing, stealing kisses, and taking photos. Every corner of George Town seemed to hold a story, and every moment felt like it was just for the two of you.

As the sun began to set, the sky turned a warm orange, and Lando snapped one final photo. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget today,” he said softly, looking at you instead of the view.

You smiled, squeezing his hand. “Me neither.”

The second day began with the sun streaming through your window, casting a warm glow over the start of what you knew would be an unforgettable day. After breakfast, you and Lando set off for Paradise 101 in Langkawi, a private island that promised a perfect blend of adventure and relaxation, and just an hour away.

As soon as you stepped onto the island, the soft sound of the waves lapping against the shore and the salty breeze filled your senses. Lando reached out for your hand, giving it a light squeeze he looked out at the clear blue sky.

“Ready for some adventure?” he asked with a contagious smile.

“Always,” you replied, already feeling the excitement bubbling up.

The first activity on the list was parasailing, something you had always wanted to try. Strapped into the harness side by side, the instructor began counting down, and then, the boat picked up speed, lifting you and Lando off the ground, soaring above the waters. The world below looks so tiny, and the ocean stretches endlessly beneath your feet.

“This is insane!” Lando shouted over the wind.

You turned your head to look at him, his expression lit up with excitement. “Right? Look at that amazing view!” you replied, pointing towards the horizon where the ocean met the sky.

“Look something out of the painting,” then glancing at you, there was a mischievous glint in Lando’s eyes. “Though the view isn’t half as good as the one next to me.”

You laughed, swatting at him lightly. “You’re such a cheeky little shit.”

When your feet touched the sand again, Lando was already pulling you toward the ziplining station. The zipline took you across the island’s canopy, and each time you landed, Lando was there waiting, stealing quick kisses before moving to the next line.

“Race you to the bottom,” Lando challenged, a mischievous smile lighting up his face.

“Oh, you’re on,” you replied, determined.

As the two of you zipped down, the wind whipping past, the sound of your laughter had filled the air. Lando had beaten you to the bottom, of course, but he immediately pulled you into a hug when you joined him, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

The afternoon was reserved for a private yacht cruise, just the two of you. As the boat glided through the calm waters of Langkawi’s northern coast, you couldn’t help but marvel at the picturesque coastline, with the emerald-green water shimmering under the sun.

“Perfect, isn’t it?” Lando asked, leaning back beside you, his sunglasses perched on his nose.

“Perfect,” you agreed, reaching out to intertwine your fingers with his.

“You know,” he began, “we should bring the others here sometimes. They’d love this.”

“I was just thinking the same thing,” you replied, looking at him. “Though I kind of like it being just us right now.”

“Me too,” he said, voice soft, brushing a kiss on your forehead.

You decided to give kayaking a try, but knowing Lando, it probably would be a chaotic one. “You’re paddling the wrong way, babe!” you exclaimed as Lando’s oar splashed water everywhere. “Are you sure you know how to paddle?”

“Of course I do!” he argued.

Lando was just kept on paddling in circles, the kayak even refused to cooperate—or so he claimed.

“Babe! You’re just steering us into circles. You’re doing it wrong!” you called out, grinning mischievously.

“I’m not—hold on, are you gaslighting me right now?” he accused, realizing your game.

“I would never!” you said, feigning innocence.

Lando almost toppled over the kayak trying to adjust, and you couldn’t contain your laughter. But eventually, you found your rhythm, paddling side by side through the tranquil waters.

“Okay, maybe this teamwork thing isn’t so bad after all,” he admitted, voice softer now.

“You think?” you teased, glancing at him with a smile.

The highlight of the day came with the private UNESCO Geopark mangrove cruise. You and Lando had been transferred to a small explorer boat, where you were taken through a landscape that felt almost otherworldly. Sheer limestone cliffs rose majestically from the water, their forms resembling ancient temples.

“This is incredible,” Lando murmured, voice tinged with awe as he leaned over the side of the boat.

You nodded, eyes fixed on the towering cliffs. “It feels like we’ve stepped into another world.”

The guide led you through the Tanjung Rhu River, Kisap River, and Kilim River, each stretch offering breathtaking views. At one point, you visited a fish farm and even ventured into the crocodile and bat cave, marveling at the natural formations.

When the cruise ended, the day slowly gave way to evening, and you returned to the resort. Lando had made a reservation for an outdoor dinner at the resort’s restaurant, with the table set against the backdrop of the sparkling Andaman Sea.

You were sitting right across from Lando, the soft glow of the setting sun painted the sky in hues of orange and pink. “Today was really perfect,” you said, voice warm.

Lando reached across the table, taking your hand in his. “Well, that’s because I spent it with you.”

“To more days like this,” you said, raising your glass with your free hand.

“To more days with you,” Lando replied, raising his glass as well.

The waves whispered against the shore as you clink your glasses together, ending the amazing fun filled day in the most serene and beautiful way imaginable.

On the third day, which is your last day in Malaysia, felt like the perfect opportunity to slow down and enjoy a more relaxed pace with Lando. After having your breakfast at the hotel’s restaurant, you decided to explore Kuala Lumpur together and do some shopping, mostly picking out Christmas gifts for family and friends. Your first stop was Cartier, where the staff immediately recognized you and Lando as you entered the boutique.

“Welcome back,” one of them greeted warmly. “Please, follow us to the VIP room.”

The room was elegant and private, with plush seating and pristine glass displays showcasing Cartier’s finest collections. You scanned the displays carefully, selecting gifts that felt personal and meaningful. From time to time, you would turn to Lando for his opinion, holding a piece to show it to him.

“What do you think of this one, love?” you asked, turning a bracelet in your hands.

Lando leaned in to get a closer look, studying it for a brief moment. “It’s nice, but maybe this design suits them better,” he suggested, pointing to another piece that has more classic finish to it.

His input was reassuring, and you found yourself smiling more with every choice you made. So piece by piece, you finalized your selections and decided to have each of it engraved with the names. While the staff began the engraving process, you took the opportunity to explore the display cases further.

Your eyes fell on the iconic Love rings, their sleek designs catching the light. The delicate design, with its understated elegance and signature screw motif had drawn you in immediately. You paused, gazing at them a little longer than you had intended. They were very stunning, and the thought of having matching ones with Lando crept into your mind.

For a moment, you let your mind wander. The thought of having matching Love rings with Lando made your heart flutter. It would be such a sweet symbol of your relationship, a quiet nod to the love you shared. But as quickly as the thought came, doubt crept in. Would he even want to wear something like that? You had only been together for a year, and while your relationship felt deep and serious, you weren’t even sure if he’d see it the same way.

“Miss?” the associate’s voice gently pulled you back to the present. “The items have been engraved and wrapped. Would you like us to send them directly to your hotel?”

You smiled, nodding. “Yes, please. That would be perfect. We still have some plans for the day.”

The associate assured you that everything would be taken care of. You thanked them again and turned to Lando, who was casually leaning against the counter, watching you with an easy smile. What you didn’t realize was that he had caught the way your gaze lingered on the Love rings earlier. But he decided not to say anything, only offering you his hand as the two of you prepared to leave.

“Ready to go?” he asked, voice gentle.

“Yes, let’s go,” you replied, sliding your hand into his.

As you both left the store hand in hand, the shopping bags destined for your hotel, Lando’s mind was already working, his thoughts drifting back to the love rings and making a mental note.

Finally, Dior was your final stop, and as you stepped into the elegantly designed VIP room, the ambiance felt as refined and luxurious as always. The staff greeted you warmly, offering refreshments and giving you a moment to settle in before showing you all of the latest collections.

You browsed through the items thoughtfully, then occasionally turning to Lando for his input, yet again, on potential gifts and personal picks. He followed you closely, hands tucked casually in his pockets, his easy demeanor adding a comfortable balance.

As you admired a pair of beautiful heels, Lando leaned in slightly, tone light but teasing. “You know your luggage is already packed to the brim, right?”

You paused mid-reach, blinking at him as his words sank in. “Wait…really?”

He nodded, trying to suppress a grin. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’d have to sit on it just to zip it up.”

With the sudden realization, you glanced back at the shelves, and you turned to the sales associate with a smile. “Do you have any luggage available in stock?”

The associate’s face lit up. “We do, actually! Let me bring it out for you.”

As the associate disappeared into the back, Lando let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head slightly. “Only you would come shopping for gifts and leave with luggage to carry it all.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, nudging his arm. “Well, if you’re going to go shopping, might as well do it properly.”

The associate soon returned, rolling out a sleek Dior luggage piece in a design you hadn’t seen before that caught your attention immediately. Its understated design and impeccable craftsmanship stood out, and you took a moment to examine it closely.

“This is perfect,” you said decisively, a satisfied smile spreading across your face. “I’ll take it. I don’t have one in this design yet, so it’ll be a great addition.”

Lando chuckled softly beside you as you made your way to the counter. When the associate had totaled the purchase, he casually pulled out his black card and handed it over, placing it on the counter.

“Here, I’ve got this,” he said smoothly, the corner of his mouth lifting in a small grin.

“No,” you reached into your bag without hesitation, pulling out your own black card and handing it to the associate directly. “I’m paying for this, please. It’s my shopping.”

The associate glanced between the two of you, clearly confused and trying to decide whose card to take. You were sure that the associate would take your card, so you focused briefly on a nearby display of handbags, thinking which designs might fit into your collection. While you were distracted, Lando seized the opportunity.

“Swipe it on mine,” he said quietly, giving the associate a quick, reassuring nod.

By the time you turned your attention back, the transaction was already complete, and the staff were carefully packing the luggage and other items into Dior’s signature paper bags.

“What just happened?” you asked, narrowing your eyes slightly as Lando smiles cheekily at you.

“Nothing, babe,” he replied, tone far too innocent to be convincing. “Just making sure you’re not overworking your card today.”

You sighed, half-exasperated but mostly amused. “You’re impossible.”

“Just making sure your new luggage is properly christened,” he teased.

Shaking your head with a small smile, you turned back to the associate and asked, “would it be possible to have everything be delivered to our hotel? We’ve got a dinner reservation coming up, and it would be easier if we didn’t have to carry all this.”

“Of course, Miss,” they replied, nodding. “We’ll ensure everything is delivered promptly.”

“Thank you,” you said warmly before turning back to Lando. “Ready to go?”

Lando placed a hand on the small of your back, guiding you towards the exit. “Let’s go.”

By the time you stepped out of Dior, the soft glow of dusk had already begun to settle over the city, painting the sky in hues of orange and pink. The streets were alive with the hum of evening traffic, but your thoughts were focused on the dinner reservation at Akar Dining.

The drive to the restaurant was peaceful, with Lando’s hand resting on your thigh as the car navigated the streets. You arrived just in time, the warm ambiance of the restaurant immediately wrapping around you as you stepped inside, the host greeted you and guided you to your table. Lando, ever the gentleman, pulled out your chair, his hand lingering briefly on the back of it as you sat down.

“Thank you,” you murmured with a small smile, adjusting the hem of your dress as you settled in.

Lando took his seat across from you just as a waiter approached your table with the menus. The dimly lit atmosphere, paired with the sophisticated decor had made the evening feel intimate and special. As you scanned the menu, your eyes immediately caught a few dishes you knew you would enjoy, while Lando appeared slightly less certain.

“So, what are you thinking of getting?” you asked, glancing up from your menu to find him frowning slightly.

“Honestly?” he set the menu down for a moment, leaning back in his chair. “Most of these seafood dishes aren’t really my thing.”

You couldn’t help but laugh softly, shaking your head. “It’s fine, just pick something else. You don’t have to love everything on the menu.”

Eventually, he decided on the braised aged duck, and you ordered a seafood dish that intrigued you. As you waited for the food, you took a sip of your water, your gaze lingering on Lando. The memory of what happened at Dior earlier was still fresh in your mind, and you decided to address it.

“By the way,” you began, setting your glass down. “Thank you for paying earlier at Dior, but you really didn’t have to, Lan.”

Lando shrugged casually, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Of course I did. You shouldn’t have to pay for something when I’m right here.”

You sighed lightly, tilting your head at him. “Lan, I can pay for my own things. I don’t want to rely on you all the time, especially when it’s my shopping.”

“I know you can,” he replied, tone soft but firm. “But that doesn’t mean I want you to. It’s not about whether you can afford it—it’s about me wanting to take care of you.”

You opened your mouth to protest, but he cut you off with a playful grin. “And before you argue, I’m not budging on this.”

“Well, if you’re so insistent on paying for everything,” you said, leaning forward slightly, “then at least let me pay for dinner tonight.”

“Not happening, love,” he said simply, leaning back in his chair with an air of finality.

“Lando,” you started, but the waiter returned just then with your food, momentarily halting the conversation.

As you both began to eat, you couldn’t help but glance at him occasionally, trying to come up with a way to outmaneuver him when the bill comes. Lando seemed thoroughly engrossed in his braised aged duck, nodding approvingly after the first few bites.

“This is actually really good,” he remarked, gesturing to his plate with his fork.

“It was worth the try,” you said with a satisfied smile, enjoying your own meal.

When the plates were cleared, the waiter had returned with the bill, and you reached for it instinctively, smiling as you’re about to get a hand on it, but to your dismay, Lando was faster. He snatched it from the waiter’s hand with a smoothness that left you momentarily stunned, his card already out and ready. Without a word, he placed it on the bill and handed it back to the waiter before you could even blink.

“Lando Norris!” you hissed, voice a mix of exasperation and disbelief. “I told you I was paying for dinner.”

“And I told you that you’re not,” he replied, tone calm and unbothered.

You stared at him, incredulous. “You can’t keep doing this. I have my own money, you know. I don’t need you to pay for everything, my love.”

“I know you don’t,” he said, leaning forward slightly. “But I wanted to. A gentleman never let his woman pay. End of story.”

“But—”

“No buts,” he interrupted gently, gaze soft but resolute. “I know that you’re independent, and I love that about you. But letting me take care of you every now and then doesn’t make you any less independent.”

You sighed, leaning back in your chair. “At some point, you have to let me pay too. I don’t want to feel like I’m relying on you for everything.”

“I get that. But tonight isn’t the point,” he said, as his thumb gently caressed your knuckles and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. “Letting me take care of you once in a while doesn’t mean you’re relying on me. It just means that I love you.”

Your heart softened at his words, the sincerity in his voice melting away your objections. “Fine,” you murmured, though a playful edge crept into your tone. “But one day, you’re letting me pay for something. Mark my words.”

Lando chuckled, leaning back in his chair with a wide grin. “We’ll see about that.”

After an amazing dinner, you were finally back in your hotel. The moment you stepped inside the room, the exhaustion from the day’s adventures hit you like a wave. You slipped off your sandals with a sigh of relief, placed your bag on the vanity, and immediately collapsed onto the plush bed, letting the softness swallow you whole. Lando was not far behind, shutting the door with a soft click before walking over to where you lay sprawled out. He chuckled as he kicked off his sneakers, tossing them aside without any care.

“You look absolutely done,” he teased, voice laced with affection.

Without another word, he climbed onto the bed beside you, his arms snaking around your waist as he pulled you close. You didn’t protest, in fact, you just melted into his embrace—his warmth and familiar scent of his cologne instantly soothing your tired muscles.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” you murmured lazily, though you made no effort to move. “We still need to pack for tomorrow. I need to arrange the things we bought today inside the new luggage.”

Lando nuzzled his face into your neck, his breath warm against your skin. “Mhmm…packing can wait.” he said as he kissed your collarbone. “I just want to stay like this for a bit. It’s been such a good trip.”

You smiled faintly, tilting your head slightly to rest against his. “It really has. I think this was exactly what we needed, huh? Just us, no distractions.”

“Uh huh. No meetings, no interruptions…” Lando added with a sigh, tightening his hold on you. “I wish we could stay longer. Feels like I’ve barely scratched the surface here.”

You laughed softly. “You’re the one who extended our stay by an extra day. If we keep this up, we might not even make it to the UK in time for Christmas.”

He groaned dramatically, pulling you even closer. “Fine, you win. We’ll leave tomorrow, but I’m telling you, we’re coming back here next year.”

“Alright,” you replied, voice muffle as you buried your face in his chest.

For a few moments, neither of you spoke, content to lie tangled in each other’s arms as the city lights outside cast a faint glow into the hotel room.

“Okay, okay,” you finally said, breaking the peaceful silence. “We really need to pack, babe. I’m not about to start throwing things into a suitcase at five in the morning.”

He groaned again but rolled over, propping himself up on one elbow as he looked at you with a mischievous glint in his eye. “How about I do the packing, and you stay here looking all pretty?”

“Absolutely not,” you replied, swatting his arm lightly. “If you pack, I’ll end up with half my things missing and thrown with wrinkles.”

Lando laughed, sitting up and pulling you up with him. “Alright, fine. Let’s get it over with, but you owe me cuddles afterwards.”

You rolled your eyes playfully as you slid off of the bed. “Deal. Now, let’s get moving before you start whining again.”

He grinned, grabbing his suitcase and tossing it onto the bed with enthusiasm. “You know me so very well.”

As you were neatly folding a dress and placing it neatly in your suitcase, your phone rang, cutting through the quiet hum of activity in the hotel room. You glanced at the screen and saw Nick’s caller ID flashing. Your eyes immediately widened, and your stomach sank slightly—you had completely pushed aside the chaos from earlier in Singapore.

“Nicky,” you murmured, picking up the phone and quickly answering. Lando glanced up from his own packing, curious.

The moment the call connected, Nick’s face filled your screen, grinning from ear to ear. Before you could say anything, he shouted out, “WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!”

Your jaw dropped, and your heart leapt. “WHAT?!” you screamed, startling Lando, who immediately moved closer to check. “Oh my god! Nicky, are you serious?!”

Nick nodded excitedly, his smile growing wider. “Yes! I proposed to Rachel earlier, and she said yes! We’re getting married!”

A loud scream of happiness escaped you, and grabbed both Lando’s hands and jumped up and down, causing Lando to follow your lead, with you chanting ‘Nick and Rachel are getting married’ a couple of times. Both of you jumping like you’re in a cult, chanting to summon something.

“Nicky, this is amazing news! I’m so happy for you and Rachel! Oh my god, I’m going to cry!” you said, nearly dropping your phone in the process.

Lando laughed and leaned into the frame, resting a hand on your waist. “Congratulations, mate! That’s incredible news!”

“Thanks, man!” Nick said, grinning even wider. He turned back to you, clearly eager to share more details. “Mom finally came around, and she gave me the emerald ring to propose with. I actually chased Rachel to the airport, it turns out she was about to leave, already inside the plane and I just dropped on one knee and proposed to her. You should’ve seen Rachel’s face when I pulled out the ring, she was so shocked.”

You clutched your chest dramatically. “Nick, that’s so beautiful. I’m so, so happy for you both.”

Nick chuckled, his excitement very evident. “But wait, there’s more. I’m throwing a surprise engagement party for Rachel tomorrow night, and I need you both there. Please say you can come.”

You glanced over at Lando, your eyes silently asking if he was okay with changing plans. Lando, ever the supportive boyfriend that he is, nodded without any hesitation.

“We’re both in,” you said to Nick. “We’ll fly back to Singapore tomorrow.”

Nick let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you! I can’t wait to see you both, and don’t worry, it won’t be a massive party, just a small gathering of close friends and family.”

“We will not miss it,” you assured him. “But just so you know, we’ll have to leave right after the party. We’re expected in the UK before Christmas.”

“Fair enough,” Nick said, still beaming. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow then, and thank you, both of you, for being there for us.”

“Of course,” you replied, voice soft with emotion. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.”

After ending the call, you turned to Lando, who was smiling at your obvious joy. “Looks like we’re making another detour,” you said with a laugh.

“Well, wouldn’t have it any other way,” Lando replied, pulling you into a quick hug before returning to his packing.

The flight from Malaysia to Singapore passed quickly, only an hour long. You and Lando had decided to leave in the afternoon to allow yourselves some extra time to relax before the engagement party. By the time the private jet touched down at a private tarmac in Changi Airport, the sky had shifted to a warm, dusky hue.

You were already dressed for the event, adjusting the hem of your dress as you prepared to disembark. Your outfit for tonight complimented Lando’s outfit perfectly, a choice you both had coordinated without much effort. Deciding not to take your belongings off of the jet since you would be leaving Singapore immediately after the party. Taking one final glance at the jet’s sleek interior, you then stepped out.

Lando walked beside you, his hand firmly holding yours as he guided you down the steps of the jet. The heels you wore, though elegant, weren’t exactly forgiving, and his grip gave you the balance you needed. Once you reached the car waiting on the tarmac, he moved ahead, opening the door for you.

“Careful, love,” he murmured, holding out a hand to help you inside.

You gave Lando a small smile as you slid into the seat, careful not to wrinkle your dress. He followed right after, shutting the car door behind him. The soft hum of the car engine filled up the space as the vehicle pulled away, heading towards Marina Bay Sands. You then leaned into Lando slightly.

“You know,” Lando began with a playful smirk, “I think we’ve spent more time in Singapore lately than in Monaco.”

You laughed softly. “Tell me about it. It looks like we’ll be back here again sooner rather than later for Nick and Rachel’s wedding.”

He tilted his head in mock resignation. “I guess I’d better get used to the humidity then.”

“Oh come on,” you gave him a teasing nudge. “You’ve survived it so far. Besides, you look so good here, very tropical chic.”

Lando chuckled, resting his hand on yours. “Thanks, love. But seriously, it feels like everyone’s getting married or engaged all of a sudden. What’s with the December air.”

You sighed dramatically. “Tell me about it. First Colin and Minty, now Nick and Rachel, also don’t forget about my friend from Parsons! She’s getting married in Moscow next year and has already sent in the invitation.”

“Moscow, huh?” he mused. “Another flight for us?”

You glanced at him with a small smile. “If you want to come with me, that is. I don’t want to pressure you into attending all these weddings, I know that it can be really tiring.”

Lando tilted his head, pretending to think it over. “Moscow, a wedding, and a chance to see you again in another dress? Sounds like a total dream, so it’s a yes for me.”

You rolled your eyes playfully, nudging his arm. “You’re impossible.”

“And you love every bit of it,” he quipped, grinning.

As the car drove on, your thoughts began to drift. Weddings, engagements, proposals—it seemed like everyone around you was taking those big steps. You didn’t want to admit it, but that idea of marriage had been creeping into your mind more and more lately. It was not something you wanted to bring up, not yet, but still, it is a topic that had been occupying your mind.

You shook off the feeling, focusing instead on the city lights beginning to twinkle outside the car window. “Yeah, and I think that we’re going to need a bigger calendar,” you joked.

Lando laughed, resting a hand on your knee. “As long as you’re on it, I don’t mind.”

The car rolled to a smooth stop at the grand entrance of Marina Bay Sands, with the city lights reflecting off the sleek glass facade. The chauffeur had exited first, circling around to open your door, and before you could step out, Lando was already at your side, extending a hand to help you out of the car.

“I’ll be here at the agreed time to take you back to the airport, ma’am.” the chauffeur said as he tipped his hat.

“Thank you,” you replied with a polite smile.

Lando intertwined your hands, and you both began walking towards the entrance. The evening air was warm, and the energy surrounding the iconic building was palpable. A few people by the lobby immediately recognized Lando, and their eyes widened when they noticed you by his side.

“Excuse me,” a young woman asked hesitantly, clutching her phone. “Would it be alright if I can get a quick photo with you both?”

Lando exchanged glances with you and nodded warmly. “Of course, just a quick one.”

You stepped aside with him, pausing for a few photos, each person thanking you both profusely afterwards. Once the small crowd dispersed, you and Lando resumed your walk, making your way to the elevators that would take you to the sky deck. The elevator ride was smooth and swift, and when the doors opened, the familiar faces of your family, Nick’s closest friends, and your cousins scattered throughout the beautifully decorated space.

As your eyes scanned the crowd, you spotted your mother first. She stood near one of the seating areas, speaking animatedly with one of your aunts. You guided Lando over, and her expression shifted to surprise the moment she saw you both.

“Darling!” your mother exclaimed, pulling you into a tight embrace.

“Hi, Mom,” you greeted, smiling warmly before stepping aside so Lando could greet her.

Your mother opened her arms invitingly. “Lando, come here.”

Lando hugged her briefly but warmly, a soft laugh escaping him. “Hello, Auntie. It’s good to see you again.”

“Likewise,” your mother replied, taking a step back to look at you both. “I thought you’d already be in the UK by now.” she said, raising an eyebrow at you.

“We were supposed to leave after the day after the wedding,” you explained, “but we decided to make a quick stop in Malaysia for a few days. Then Nicky called last night and asked us to come, so here we are.”

She smiled knowingly. “Always the supportive cousin. But you’re leaving tonight?”

“Yes, the jet is on standby at the airport,” you confirmed. “We’ll head straight there after the party.”

Your mother nodded in satisfaction, and gave Lando a pat on the shoulder. “Well, you enjoy yourselves tonight. It’s a rare sight to see you two so relaxed.”

You and Lando exchanged a small smile before moving on to greet Colin and Araminta, who were just chatting near the champagne table.

“Hey!” Colin greeted, giving you both a hug. “I didn’t think we’d see you two again so soon.”

“Neither did we,” you replied with a laugh. “But here we are.”

You turned to Araminta, who hugged you warmly, then stepped back, smiling brightly. “It’s so good to see you again, and Lando, of course! You’re becoming quite the fixture at family events!”

Lando grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Colin smirked. “At this rate, uncle’s going to give him the talk soon, if he hasn’t already. Then we all know whose wedding we’ll be attending soon after Nick and Rachel’s.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Too late, Dad already gave him the talk, and even Ah Ma had given her blessing.”

Lando grinned, playing along. “Proud to say that I’ve passed all the tests by now.”

Araminta gasped dramatically, nudging Colin. “See? It’s official now. We’ll start saving the date!”

The four of you exchanged pleasantries and some laughs for a few moments before your attention was drawn to a surprising sight. Standing by the bar were none other than Bernard and Kitty, a pair you had not expected to see here at all. You caught Lando’s eye, and he gave you a subtle shrug, clearly just as a surprise.

Shaking it off, you turned your focus back, making your way toward your aunts. Auntie Alix, Auntie Eleanor, and Auntie Jacqueline, who were all chatting in a tight circle. You approached with Lando by your side, greeting each of them in turn with a polite kiss on the cheek and a warm smile.

“Ah, you’re here!” your Auntie Alix smiled. “I thought you were in the UK already.”

“Nick called,” you explained with a smile, “so here we are.”

“Well, we’re glad you made it,” your Auntie Jacqueline chimed in, “and you’re glowing tonight.” she added, her gaze flitting between you and Lando.

“Must be the Malaysian sun,” Lando jokes, earning a soft laugh from the group.

Your Auntie Eleanor gave Lando a sharp but playful look. “You’re certainly making yourself comfortable with this family, aren’t you?”

Lando smiled politely. “I’m just trying to keep up,” satisfied with his answer, your Auntie Eleanor waved you off with a chuckle.

Nick and Rachel hadn’t arrived yet, so you and Lando decided to take the opportunity to mingle with other guests. The evening was lively, with laughter and champagne flowing freely.

Several guests had approached you and Lando for photos, and you obliged, posing with ease. Lando kept a hand on your lower back, guiding you smoothly through the crowd as you moved from one group to another.

From across the room, you noticed your cousin Oliver weaving his way through the crowd, a bright smile on his face as he head towards you. As he approached, you and Lando turned to greet him.

“Oliver!” you said warmly, pulling him into a quick hug.

“Hey you two,” he said, giving you both a smile before continuing. “I want to introduce you to Rachel’s best friend. She’s dying to meet you.”

Curious, you exchanged a glance with Lando before agreeing. “Of course! Lead the way.”

Following Oliver, you navigated through the elegantly dressed guests until you stopped in front of a small group of people.

“Here we are,” Oliver said, motioning toward a striking woman with a vibrant smile. “This is Rachel’s best friend, Goh Peik Lin.”

You extended your hand toward her. “Peik Lin, it’s so nice to meet you!”

Peik Lin shook your hand warmly. “And it’s so nice to meet you as well!”

Your gaze traveled briefly over her outfit, a beautifully tailored dress that exuded elegance and sophistication. “I have to say, your outfit is incredible. You have such impeccable taste.”

Her smile widened, excitement evident. “Oh stop, you’re going to make me blush! But thank you, it means a lot coming from someone as stylish as you.”

Oliver then turned to the older couple standing beside Peik Lin. “And these are Peik Lin’s parents, Goh Wye Mun and Goh Nenna.”

You offered a polite smile as you greeted them. “It’s a pleasure to meet you both, Mr. and Mrs. Goh.”

Nenna’s eyes sparkled as she took your hand. “Just call us Auntie Nenna and Uncle Wye Mun! And my goodness, you’re even more gorgeous in person! I’ve seen photos of you, and they don’t do you justice! You’re very stunning, my dear!”

You laugh softly, feeling a light warmth rise to your cheeks. “You’re too kind, Auntie Nenna. Thank you so much.”

Then you turned to Wye Mun, whose expression shifted slightly as recognition dawned on him. He tilted his head, studying you for a moment.

“You’re one of Harrison Sr. and Elizabeth Young’s children, aren’t you? Their only daughter,” he said, tone a mixture of surprise and admiration.

You nodded, smiling. “That’s right. I’ve heard of your family before as well. If my memory serves me right, you’re the owner of Goh Developments, correct? One of Singapore’s most successful real estate companies?”

Wye Mun chuckled, clearly pleased. “Yes, that’s about right. I’m flattered you know about us.”

“Of course!” you said. “Your company’s work is extraordinary. Some of your developments are architectural masterpieces.”

The brief exchange shifted naturally into a short discussion about real estate, with Wye Mun enthusiastically sharing tidbits about recent projects. Peik Lin listened intently, Oliver and Lando conversing with each other, while Nenna just watched the whole conversation with a smile.

You then gestured towards Lando afterwards, who had been standing quietly beside you. “Allow me to introduce to you my boyfriend, Lando.”

Lando extended his hand towards Wye Mun, who shook it firmly. Wye Mun’s eyes lit up in recognition. “Ah, Lando Norris! I watched you win the Singapore GP last September. Quite an incredible race, I must say. You’ve got some serious talent.”

“Thank you so much,” Lando said with a polite smile. “It was an unforgettable race for sure.”

“And I didn’t know that you were dating the darling of the Singaporean social elite!” Wye Mun added with a playful tone, eyes twinkling.

“Oh Wye Mun, look at them!” Nenna interjected, her gaze moving between you and Lando. “They look so good together, a very beautiful couple. Perfect match!”

Wye Mun nodded in agreement, tone light. “Quite the power couple, I’d say.”

You couldn’t help but smile at their comment, glancing at Lando, who was already looking at you with a soft expression. “Thank you,” you replied simply.

The conversation continued easily, with the group exchanging stories and laughs. The atmosphere was warm, and you felt genuinely pleased to meet Rachel’s best friend and their family.

As the buzz of conversation faded into hushed whispers, Araminta stepped forward with a smile and announced, “Nick and Rachel are on their way up now! Everyone, take your positions.”

You and Lando stood slightly off to the side, his hand on your waist, caressing it softly and tracing shapes. The elegant lighting of the sky deck reflected off the cityscape, casting a soft glow over the gathered guests.

Lando leaned in close, his breath warm against your ear. “You know,” he whispered, tone teasing, “it was so hot watching you talk business with Wye Mun earlier. You looked so serious and confident.”

You glanced at him, barely suppressing a smile, and gave his chest a soft slap. “Stop being cheeky right now, Norris,” you muttered, keeping your voice low to avoid drawing any attention.

But it looks like Lando was not done yet. He grinned at you mischievously, his voice dipping lower. “I mean it, baby. The way you talked about developments and projects? Very impressive, very attractive.”

You rolled your eyes, though your cheeks warmed slightly. “Lando,” you whispered warningly, “behave. This is not the time.”

He bit back a chuckle, amusement evident. “Fine, fine. But you should know, I can’t help it when you’re like that.”

You shushed him quietly, your finger briefly brushing his lips. “Quiet now,” you insisted softly, glancing around to make sure no one was paying attention.

As you returned your focus to the party, your thoughts flicked back to your earlier conversation with Wye Mun. Real estate development has always intrigued you—the intricacies, potential, and stories behind every project. It was not just a polite conversation, it was a chance to learn and build connections.

“Besides,” you murmured to Lando, keeping your tone casual, “it’s always good to broaden your network. Even if I already have so many, there’s no harm in widening the circle.”

Lando nodded, his expression now a mix of curiosity and pride. “Well, you’ve got a point,” he said softly.

You let your eyes wander across the crowd, noting a few familiar faces mingling among the guests. “This place is full of businesspeople—major players in the industry, tonight,” you whispered to him. “I can recognize a few who could even be potential sponsors for McLaren.” Lando raised a brow at you, intrigued.

You turned to him, giving him a playful wink. “Who knows? Maybe I’ll help you land a deal or two.”

Lando smirked, leaning in closer to you again. “Now that,” he said, tone low and teasing, “is a kind of teamwork I can get behind.”

The sky deck fell in a hush as everyone stood in their positions, waiting for Nick and Rachel’s arrival. The atmosphere was buzzing, a mix of excitement and happiness among the crowd. The distant hum of the elevator announced their approach, and then, with a soft chime, doors slid open.

Nick stepped out first, his hands gently covering Rachel’s eyes as he carefully guided her forward into the middle of the crowd. Rachel, her posture both curious and expectant, laughed lightly, clearly amused by the surprise. The whole crowd held its collective breath, watching as Nick finally removed his hands from Rachel’s eyes.

The second her eyes opened, the silence of the crowd was replaced with an eruption of cheers and applause. Screams of happiness echoed across the sky deck, led enthusiastically by Colin and Araminta. Rachel’s expression had transformed into one of pure, radiant happiness as she took sight of everyone gathered for her. Overwhelmed with emotion, she raised her hand, showing off the stunning emerald ring that sparkled under the lights, then pointing to it with a grin.

People surged forward, surrounding Nick and Rachel with hugs and congratulations. You and Lando joined in with the crowd, your laughter blending with everyone else’s as you approached the newly engaged couple.

“Congratulations!” you said, beaming as you hugged Rachel tightly. “I’m so happy for you both.”

Nick grinned, pulling you into a quick hug as well. “Thank you for being here. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.”

Lando shook Nick’s hand before giving Rachel a warm hug. “You two are perfect for each other.”

Nick, ever the joker, glanced between you and Lando, a teasing glint in his eyes. “You know,” he began, tone playful, “I have a strong feeling you two might be the next one.”

Rachel, catching on, nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, absolutely! We’ll have to start planning your engagement party real soon.”

You and Lando exchanged amused looks, chuckling. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” you replied, though your heart skipped a beat at the thought.

As much as you adored Nick and Rachel, you did not need them adding more fuel to the fire—you were already simmering with wedding fever.

After the flood of congratulations, Nick took Rachel’s hand and gently guided her attention towards the infinity pool, where a group of synchronized swimmers began an elegant performance, their movements perfectly timed to the music. Rachel gasped softly, her eyes lighting up with wonder as she watched.

Then, from the corner of our eye, you noticed Rachel spotting your Auntie Eleanor standing a little way off. For a brief moment, the noise and excitement seemed to face as the two women exchanged a look, one of understanding and newfound respect. The warmth in Rachel’s smile and the subtle nod from your Auntie Eleanor spoke volumes. It filled your heart with joy to see that your aunt had finally come around, embracing Rachel in the way she deserved.

Nick then pulled Rachel into a tender kiss, earning a round of applause and cheers again from the crowd. Lando stepped behind you, wrapping his arms securely around your waist, holding you close. His chin rested lightly on your shoulder, and you could feel his warmth radiating through you.

The sound of fireworks exploding above pulled everyone’s attention upward. Bright colors lit up the sky, reflecting off the glass and water, painting the moment in vibrant hues. The cheers grew louder, people pointing and marveling at the display. You stayed like that, wrapped in Lando’s arms, watching the sky.

With fireworks still illuminating the sky and Lando’s arms wrapped securely around you, a quiet realization settled in your heart. It was not something sudden, it was something that had been building over time, piece by piece, moment by moment. The depth of love that you feel for Lando was staggering, overwhelming even, and yet it felt so natural.

You had dated before, countless boys who had seemed charming or interesting at the time, but none of them had ever come close to Lando. They never understood you the way Lando did. With him, there was no guessing, pretending, or effort to mold yourself into someone else’s idea of what love should look like. Lando saw you, truly saw you, in a way that no one else ever had. To be seen was to be loved.

This was what set Lando apart. With him, you never had to explain your silences, quirks, or the way your mind wandered to far-off places. He did not just tolerate those things, in fact, he cherished them. He loved them. With Lando, you felt understood in a way that words could never fully capture.

You thought back to the other relationships before Lando, the boys who had come before. They had their moments, but they always felt…incomplete. There had been a disconnect, a lingering sense that you were only partly there, only partly understood. They never have you the feeling that Lando did—feeling of being wholly, entirely loved. Lando was the man that you had been praying for, and for once, God had led Lando to you.

Sure, the way he loved you was not perfect, but it was honest. It was raw and real, and it made you feel more like yourself than you ever thought possible. Lando had this way of making you feel like you were the only person in the world, like his entire focus was only on you and no one else. That was the truth of it, wasn’t it? You had never felt this way with anyone else, and you knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that no one else could make you feel the way he did. Lando was not just someone you loved—he was the person you wanted to spend your forever with.

The thought settled deeply in your chest, filling every corner of your heart with an indescribable warmth. It was not just that you loved him—it was that he was home.

“I love you,” you looked up at him, smiling.

Lando looked at you, smiling. He then whispered, “I love you too, so fucking much.”

taglist : @sheblogs

[lialovesloa]

how to assume i have been in the loa community for 3 years and i still see sooooo many people flooding bloggers' inboxes (including mine) asking how to assume, and i feel like you guys just need one straight forward answer on how to actually feel the fulfilment you desire so much. this is a snapshot of everything i have learnt in the years i have known of the law.

lets start here: the 3d is truly an illusion. a mirror that we are deceived into believing is real with no escape. but the truth is, you can detach from the 3d whenever, because you already are detached from the 3d. the 3d is literally a dead reflection of whatever you as God have created for the inner man to experience in imagination (the 4d). you aren't actually experiencing the 3d, you are experiencing your reaction to it because you think that the illusion is real. i hope i am making sense so far.

so now that we know what the 3d is, lets talk about the 4d. the 4d is real. whatever happens in your head is real. and when i say whatever happens in your head is real, i don't mean every thought you have is real. whatever you feel to be true is real, because you can only experience what you accept. for example, if you are in the state (i.e. have accepted something to be true) then you might think opposite thoughts, but you don't resonate with them (in other words you know they are not the truth). your thoughts cannot affect you if you don't accept (feel) them. they are just empty words. you can feel completely opposite to how you think. so what use is affirming "i am happy. i am healthy. i am rich" if you feel the complete opposite? it will just make you feel worse and like you are lying to yourself. so what do we do? we change how we feel!

i know this is where a lot of you guys get really tripped up. but think about it like this. everything you could ever want already exists in imagination (aka reality), and it is already yours. otherwise how else could you desire it? you must have felt it to have even desired it. if you felt some sort of fulfilment or excitement from thinking about having your desires, you wouldn't want it in the first place. why? because you want the feeling of having it; the joy, peace, excitement, satisfaction etc. so if everything is already true and already yours all at once, all you have to do is accept what you want as already yours, because it is! and i mean this literally. this is not me trying to gaslight you into believing it, and nor are you trying to convince yourself that you have it. i mean it. it is quite literally yours in reality (imagination). if you have studied the law of attraction, you might have heard the phrase tuning your frequency. and honestly that is one thing that i liked/resonated with from loattraction. like a radio, all the stations are already being sent out in radio waves, you just need to tune into the one you want to listen to. so naturally, once you know that you are choosing what radio station you are tuning into (what state you are in/what you are feeling), would it not be silly to not tune into the one you like?

this realisation made so much sense to me, and honestly helped me understand how manifestation is so effortless.

hope this helps!

love lia <3

[helen-with-an-a]

My WIPs

My Masterlist

Hi everyone. So I've got a lot of WIPs and drafts and things and I'd thought I might share them so you can see what's in the pipeline for 2025.

A little disclaimer: these are in no way a promise to be written. These are just ideas that are in my head right now. I want to write them all but there are a lot and sometimes ideas come and go.

I'll try and update this somewhat regularly but yeh. I hope you enjoy looking through these.

Fluff | Angst | Suggestive | Angst/Comfort | Smut

Barça Femeni:

Baby (R comes to live with Alexia when she first moves to Barça and it's finally her last uni exam)

Withdrawn (TW: R*p* and coercion, repression of sexuality) (R comes back after the Christmas holidays withdrawn)

Kicked Out (R gets kicked out of her home)

Knight in Shining Football Kit (Alexia steps in to save R from an uncomfortable media interview)

Hyper (R's a little crazy at times and Alexia has had enough)

Tips (R wants to take the next step in her relationship with her gf, naturally she goes to the team for some tips)

That's a Lot of Blood (TW: medical incident; blood) (R cuts herself whilst making her dinner)

I'm Just Tired (TW: medical) (R's chronic illness takes a turn for the worse)

It's Ok To Be Sad (R is a ray of sunshine, but sunshine can sometimes hide the clouds)

Holidays (R doesn't feel too comfortable about going home for the off season)

AWFC

Hot Mess (R is Kim Little's younger sister and isn't living up to expectations)

I Don't Understand Her (R has undiagnosed ADHD but the team don't understand)

Alexia Putellas

Bratty (18+) (Alexia is a bit of a brat)

Winner Winner (R is a musician and wins her first grammy)

Beautiful Girl

Waking Up (Blurb) (Amor and Ale wake up on an off day)

Night Out (18+) (Alexia and R go on a night out with the team)

Talking Her Through It (18+) (Amor and Ale try to get Ale to squirt for the first time)

Notes in the Margin (Ale stumbles across some old books of Amor's)

Subspace (Blurb) (Ale goes into subspace for the first time)

I'm Sorry (Ale gets a little clingy)

First Time (18+) (It's Ale and Amor's first time together)

Mapí León

Sister Sister (R comes to join her sister at Barça)

Alessia Russo

Outshine (sister!R) (R has always felt outshined by Alessia)

Lena Oberdorf

Jealousy (18+) (R doesn't like the girl trying to flirt with Lena)

New (R and Lena's relationship is very new and they're still trying to figure things out)

Georgia Stanway

Something's Different (Keira notices something's a little different with Georgia)

Traditions (Georgia and R have their own way of celebrating big wins)

What About Me? (R has felt a little neglected by Georgia recently)

Ona Batlle

Broken (Ona challenges R to a game of football)

Lucy Bronze

Rivalry (Lucy plays for Chelsea, R plays for Arsenal, it's the LDN Derby)

Jessie Fleming

Senses (multi-part series) (Putellas!R) (R moves to Chelsea to get out of Alexia's shadow, in doing so she falls in love with Jessie)

A Person to Call Home (Jessie comforts R through not qualifying for the Euros)

Ingrid Engen

Nerves (18+) (2-part series) (It's R's first time)

Keira Walsh

Let Me Show You (When it hits home that Keira and Lucy are done for good, R offers Keira to show her what she's missing out on)

Aitana Bonmatí

Oblivious (R is a little oblivious to Aitana's advances)

Release Schedule

All fics are to be released at 9pm on Fridays

January

3rd: Something’s Different (Georgia Stanway)

10th: Beautiful Girl Headcanons

17th: Withdrawn (TW: R*p*, Coercion) (Barça Femeni)

24th: Waking Up (Alexia Putellas - Beautiful Girl)

31st: Rivalry (Lucy Bronze)

February

7th: Senses pt1 (Jessie Fleming; Putellas!R)

14th: Jealousy 18+ (Lena Oberdorf)

21st: Senses pt2 (Jessie Fleming; Putellas!R)

28th: Answering a few Beautiful Girl questions

March

7th: Senses pt3 (Jessie Fleming; Putellas!R)

14th: Outshine (Alessia Russo; sister!R)

21st: Senses pt4 (Jessie Fleming; Putellas!R)

28th: Beautiful Girl Headcanons and Moodboard

[iloveazzifudd35]

Shower Thoughts

okay I did another!! I actually really enjoy this so give me suggestions for more or things I can improve on!! 4.4k

themes: friends to lovers kinda they already lovers / angst

tw: smut they get a lil freaky like face sitting 😺sry got carried away ig

Convincing Azzi to come to UConn came with a price. If she came to UConn, they would not be able to date. 

It was obvious both girls had feelings deeper than just those of best friends to anyone who knew them. But being teammates and all would mean that they couldn’t date in case they broke up and jeopardize the team's chemistry. 

Paige and Azzi were not worried about breaking up in the slightest. They were 3 years strong at this point and even after having a more open relationship that allowed them to see other people they always came back to each other causing them to tie it off. But now, they are back where they started. 

At first having Azzi at the same school as her was worth it even if they couldn’t date. But she didn’t realize just how hard it would be to hide it until the time came. 

Geno had set a rule that most of the other college coaches agreed with. Teammates couldn’t date. It was a pretty common sense rule, unless if you were fucking gay and paige bueckers and Azzi fudd. 

Of course this would affect them. 

They decided it wouldn’t be that hard to hide it would be fine, no one would realize it. But they realized they would have to go a lot longer without touching each other and being together than they thought, so they vowed to not make it official until at least Paige's senior year so Geno couldn’t complain about them causing problems, even though they knew nothing would happen.

This would be a lot harder than they anticipated. 

—-

They didn’t room together, so it was already bad enough not getting to see each other at nights. 

Paige found herself lying awake at night Azzi’s profile the closest she could get to her

—-

Me: I’m gonna murder Geno for this istg😩

I miss u 

Az: you saw me literally 30 minutes ago not even p 😂

Me: I don’t care it’s not enough I miss touching u and sleeping next to u and smelling ur hair. 

Az: maybe next tournament we will get roomed together 🤷‍♀️ 

I miss u too tho

Wanna get food in the morning? 

Me: can’t 

 I have to meet with the trainer earlier  

Az: damn really putting in the extra reps huh 

Me: yuh tryna be like u what can I say 😁

Az: fuck 

I really do miss u 

Me: we will get through it together

It will be worth the wait trust

…

I’ll do u right Az dw 

—-

In addition to the pause on the relationship, they decided to pause having sex until they had a break to go back home. They weren’t freaks or anything- kinda- but going months without it was harder than they thought. 

So far they were holding strong. 

—-

The next morning Azzi was slow to get up.

The sun was blasting in through the windows. When she slept with Paige, there was always a blanket covering the gaps so no sun could sneak through the creases. 

But Azzi was not with Paige.

She hadn’t been for a while, or at least since the summer break. It was now November just 4 games into their season and they would have to wait all the way until Christmas break to sneak a sleepover without raising questions from their nosy teammates. 

You weren’t allowed to sleep in another dorm, it was just a college rule. No one checked up on it, but Azzi and Paige were still under class man so they didn’t have their own dorms yet, meaning not only did they stay in the suite with the rest of their teammates, but also shared a bedroom- Azzi with Caroline and Paige with Ice- meaning they had no way of getting a secret sleepover-their was simply no room. 

Azzi was annoyed when she woke up this morning. The sun was too bright, and Paige was busy. 

She glanced over at Caroline who was still asleep, looking at her phone. It was only 8 o’clock. They had practice at 1 and the weight room after. Azzi only had one class this morning at 11. 

3 hours. She had hoped she would get to spend with Paige, but for some reason Paige had decided to go meet with a special trainer to help her go over some new skills at like 5 in the morning.

Azzi rolled out of bed quietly walking to the bathroom to get herself ready. 

About an hour later she was about to get coffee herself when she got a text from Paige. 

—-

P: hey Az can u pick me up? 

Me: I thought you drove? 

How did u get there?

P: I’m not at the trainers anymore, I’m at the hospital. 

—-

Azzi froze, she felt her stomach drop all the way down to the floor. 

She felt sick. Her fingers hovering over the keyboard.

—-

P: I can’t drive cuz I broke my foot landing wrong on a layup 

Me: PAIGE WHAT???

ARE YOU SERIOUS ROGHT NOW?? 

GENO IS GOING TO KILL YOU

ARE YOU OKAY??

R U ON CRUTCHES????

CAN U WALK HOW BAD IS IT??

P: Azzi it’s okay I just need you to pick me up I have already talked to Geno don’t worry about me. 

Me: I’m on my way don’t move

P: yup don’t have to worry about that 😀 👍 

—- 

Azzi’s heart was in her stomach, they had only played 4 games together so far. Azzi came not just for Paige but to play with her. Their chemistry on the court was undeniable and was a big reason why they were doing so well. Without Paige there was no telling of how successful they would be as a team. 

As Azzi drove she couldn’t help the nagging guilt in her. She should have gone with her to practice this morning. She should have stopped her from overworking herself. 

She has been working so hard to make sure she is in the best shape, but it’s also because she can’t be with Azzi, working out is the only thing that gets her mind off of it. So Azzi couldn’t help but feel partially responsible. 

The guilt was also accompanied by pity. She knew how much Paige loved basketball, it was her whole life, and this was her first serious injury. 

When Azzi had torn her ACL in 2018, Paige had been the first one to protect her and take care of her, now it was Azzi’s turn. 

—-

Although Paige was upset and frustrated with herself she knew it wasn’t the worst case scenario. After watching Azzi go through the entire ACL tear and watching her resilience as she returned to the court, she had full belief that this would not be the end for her. 

The second she fell she thought of Azzi. Paige knew that Azzi would feel guilty for not being there. Paige knew that she pushed herself too hard. Paige felt this level of guilt when Azzi got hurt. Azzi shares a part of her heart and she knew that if Paige got hurt she would feel it too. 

When the doctor told her it was a minor fracture in her medial talus she was freaked out for sure, but remembering the look on Azzi’s face when the orthopedist told her she would be out for a year max and need surgery, she felt surprisingly grateful. 

She wasn’t expecting this reaction from herself. But knowing she would be back in as early as 2 months made her feel lucky more than anything. 

All she was worried about was Azzi. Sure it would be a setback. But she remembered what Azzi had told her after her knee surgery. 

“A setback is only a failure if you let it stop you from working hard.” 

And as Paige watched Azzi work tirelessly for those 12 months, she knew what the word resilience meant for the first time.

—- 

Azzi slammed the door of her car, racing into the building to find Paige.

When she saw her big blue eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying her own began to water. She quickly hurried over to her wrapping her arms around her. Looking down at her foot in its cast. 

“Oh my god Paige what did you do?” She says laughing out of shock with an obvious pain that showed Paige exactly how she felt. 

“I’m okay Azzi honestly, it’s just a minor fracture I’m only going to be out for a couple months.” Paige said squeezing her shoulder

Azzi reached out, touching the hard cast. 

“But you have been working so hard. We only just started.” Azzi said against her shoulder. 

“Exactly . We have so much time together it’s okay. It’s just a minor setback, but after watching you recover and work so hard- maybe I needed this- maybe I needed this setback to put in perspective how much this really means to me.” Paige paused, pulling Azzi away from her grasp to look her in the eye. 

“ I believe everything happens for a reason. Maybe it isn’t clear now, but I’m sure it will be soon. Who knows maybe I’ll have the comeback of the year or something.” Paige said with a laugh. 

Azzi felt a little better hearing her laugh and seeing a smile on her beautiful face. 

“Are you sure you’re okay? Does it hurt.” Azzi said worriedly, helping her to her feet and grabbing her some crutches. 

“Nah I’m okay don’t worry it only hurts a little.” Paige said wincing as she steadied herself, her face saying another story. 

Azzi gave her a knowing look and made her sit down.

Grabbing her crutches and helping her hobble over to her car. 

“I’m gonna pick up your car later okay?” Azzi said looking at Paige all comfy in her front seat, she always kept a blanket there, claiming it was in case she got cold, but paige was the only one who ever used it. 

“No, don’t leave. I want you to stay with me. Just today.” Paige pleaded, widening her eyes and fluttering her eyelashes. 

Azzi sighed. There was no arguing with her. 

As they pulled into their suite, the rest of the team was already there worried for her, including both Geno and CD and one of the athletic trainers. 

They spent about 45 minutes going over Paige's injury and talking about resilience and comeback and what not. 

Azzi ended up finding her unicorn arm cushions from when she tore her ACL and set Paige up with a nice comfy system. 

“Alright now for Paige’s sake I need someone to take good care of her while she is hurt.”  Geno started, looking around the room.

—

There were 4 suites for the team, 2 rooms in each one. The three were upstairs except for the one Azzi, Caroline, Amari, and Aubrey shared. 

—

“Ok Paige since you obviously won’t be going up the stairs for a little while, why don’t you stay down here and swap rooms with Caroline for the time being.” Geno continued. 

Paige and Azzi looked at each other. This would be the first time they slept in the same room since August. 

Paige couldn’t hide the smile that started curling on her lips, noticing Azzi having the same reaction. 

As everyone started to roll out of the room, one of the trainers paused. 

“Paige by the way, whatever you do u cannot get that cast wet. And you are going to have to get a bucket or something so you can sit in the shower. I’d recommend you get a teammate to help you clean yourself. You’re both girls, it's fine.” She said as she walked out the door. 

“Uhm so who’s going to literally shower paige.”  Aubrey said laughing. 

“I mean I guess it might make most sense for Azzi too since we are rooming…” Paige trailed off trying to hide her excitement of finally feeling Azzi’s soft fingers on her skin after all this time. 

“Wow, seems like someone knows exactly what she wants, I guess it’s settled, good luck Azzi…. And you should probably get on that cuz paige u smell like ass- must’ve been a good workout.” Amari chimed in laughing as Paige’s face turned bright red. 

Paige glanced at Azzi and watched as her lips twisted into a smirk 

“I have class in an hour but I guess if we make it quick.” Azzi said, looking  Paige up and down. 

Aubrey and Amari were completely clueless to the shift in the air. Paige on the other hand felt a warm sensation in her stomach as her panties dampened under Azzi’s intense stare. 

15 minutes later they were alone in the bathroom. The suite was empty except for them.

No one really suspected anything, if anything they felt bad for Paige having to be exposed like this. Paige on the other hand was both eager and nervous to be alone-naked with Azzi again.

Azzi locked the bathroom door.

“I feel like you got injured on purpose just so I would have to touch your naked body.” Azzi scoffed, creeping up to her. 

Paige had crutches into the bathroom and sat on the closed toilet as Azzi moved her crutches and set up a plastic crate in the shower for Paige to sit on. 

Paige's breath hitched as Azzi walked towards her placing her fingers on her shoulders running them up and down her arms. 

Paige looked up at her with needy eyes. 

“Missed you so bad.” She said taking in Azzi in front of her. 

“I can tell.” Azzi laughed watching the way her body flinched under her touch. 

Azzi leaned in and started to unzip her hoodie.

“I have missed you too.” Azzi whispered into her ear, pressing her lips against it as she slid her hoodie off her shoulders. 

Paige whined craving more, helping pull her arms out of the holes. 

“So much for not fucking while we are on campus.” Paige said in between breaths. 

“Who said we were gonna fuck?” Azzi questioned, teasingly laughing as Paige pouted.

“What? I'm just following the trainers orders, nothing wrong with this baby.” Azzi continued as she guided Paige to lift her arms, raising her shirt over her head.

Azzi’s eyes flicked over her abs, watching as Paige's nipples poked through her sports bra under her gaze. Azzi ran her fingers over the sports bra paying special attention to them through the cloth. 

“You didn’t hurt your arms, you know.” Azzi noted, as Paige raised her arms again, wanting Azzi to take off her other layer as she felt the heat throbbing in her pants. 

“Azzi come on. I’m crippled.” Paige whines. 

Azzi rolls her eyes dramatically, wrapping her fingers around the band of her sports bra and making a show as she takes it off of her, revealing Paige's breasts and pink nipples all hard for her. 

Azzi’s breath hitched as she saw her beautiful girl in front of her naked and on display for the first time in months. 

She wanted nothing more than to latch her mouth and rub her hands all over her nipples, but seeing Paige cocky smirk at her reaction made her want to make Paige beg for it. 

Azzi couldn’t deny how hot this side of Paige was, this desperately submissive side she had been hiding, she wasn’t about to give in just yet, she wanted to make it last. 

Paige huffed as Azzi moved down to her pants, ignoring her pink nipples longing to be sucked, and going straight to work.

Azzi looked up at Paige's desperation-filled eyes and wrapped her fingers around her pants. Paige lifted her ass clawing at Azzi’s back for support as Azzi slid them down her legs slowly paying extra careful attention to her hurt foot. 

Paige closed her legs embarrassed about how wet she was. 

She had thrown on grey Cotton panties so there was no doubt Azzi would see just how much Azzi was affecting her. 

Azzi looked at her with a smirk as she pulled her legs apart, her smirk growing as she saw the pool of wetness that had accumulated in her panties.

“Aw Paigey you’re soaked.” Azzi said teasingly as Paige's face grew red turning away from her, refusing to make eye contact with her. 

“I want you to look at me when I touch you.” Azzi said dominantly running her fingers along the waistband of her panties outlining the seam all the way down to the bottom of her ass. 

Paige shuttered, returning her glance to Azzi melting under her dominant brown eyes that would make her instantly release. 

Azzi ran her hands over Paige's face, pulling some of her blonde hair out of the way and back into the messy bun she had in.

“Let’s get these off and get you cleaned up… you’re such a mess.” Azzi said seductively wrapping her hands around the inner part of her panties brushing her fingers against Paige's folds. Paige let out a moan at the much needed contact. 

After her panties were removed and she was fully naked, Azzi helped her over to the shower, sitting her on the crate making sure her foot was still out of the way of the water.

Waiting no more time, Azzi grabbed a bottle of her soap- coconut and vanilla- the one that Paige would never stop smelling whenever she had it on, and began to massage it into her skin starting by standing behind her and rubbing it into her shoulders and back.

After a few minutes. Paige was confused why it was taking her so long, the need between her legs over powering her. 

“What are you doing?” Paige asked with a laugh as Azzi’s touch lingered against her back running up in back in a specific pattern 

“Writing my name.” Azzi responded simply, before leaning forward and clarifying, “I want you to know you’re mine.”

Paige let out a breathy moan at that, and shivered as Azzi, who was still standing outside of the shower, wrapped her arms from the back to the front of Paige's body blindly kneading her tits, rolling her nipples around in her fingers. 

“Just making sure I don’t miss a spot. Wanna make sure my pretty girl is done right.” Azzi said as Paige's breathing sped up. 

Azzi twists the bucket slightly so Paige is now facing her. She begins to spread the soap down, rubbing it into her lower stomach and passing the place Paige was craving to be touched.

Azzi rubbed her exposed foot and worked her way up massaging her calf and thigh slowly getting higher and higher on her thigh until she reached  her pussy. 

Mixing in some of the water Azzi began to move her hand closer to Paige's pussy, lightly brushing past her clit as she let the water wash off the soap. 

Paige moaned as the water pounded down on her clit, Azzi methodically worked the head of the shower so that it was lingering on her pussy, the warm water hitting her clit just where she needed it. 

Paige moaned at the contact and Azzi could no longer hold back any longer. She placed down the shower head back on the stand and she ran her fingers over paige’s pussy. 

“Need me bad huh.” Azzi whispered, staring at her pussy… 

Paige nodded desperately, thrusting her hips up balancing on her good leg, needing Azzi to apply contact. 

“Relax baby. Let me do the work.” Azzi said as Paige whined. 

She shoved Paige's hips back onto the bucket and began to run her fingers through her folds, rubbing small tight circles on her swollen clit. 

“You don’t know how much I have missed your beautiful pussy.” Azzi said, looking up at Paige as she thrusted 3 fingers inside her immediately, not giving her even a second to adjust to the stretch inside her. 

Paige yelped at the sudden feeling of Azzi inside of her that she had been craving for months. 

“oh god don’t stop baby.” Paige moaned, pulling Azzi closer to her, forcing her fingers deeper in until they hit her g spot. 

Azzi continued pounding into her curling her fingers upwards exploring Paige's cervix with her fingers while continuing to pound into her. 

Paige leaned up against the wall of the shower pulling Azzi towards her flexing her thighs as she began to feel her stomach tighten. 

“So close oh my god Azzi. Please.” 

Azzi, feeling her walls tighten, continued pounding into her, pressing on her lower stomach causing Paige to unravel underneath her. 

“Azzi oh god I’m coming.” Paige shouted as she moaned her wetness gushing out of her as Azzi rode out her high. 

Once Paige was just a pile of moans Azzi pulled her fingers out of her and popped them into her own mouth savoring her taste and making a show of herself sucking on them, refusing to make eye contact with paige.

Paige grabbed her by the hair forcing her tongue into her mouth moaning as she tasted herself in her mouth. 

“It’s not fair I’m the only one with no clothes on.” Paige noted, annoyed that she hadn’t gotten to see Azzi’s beautiful body yet. 

“Patience p.” Azzi said with a wink as she got up and grabbed a towel wiping off the rest of the water off of Paige's body.

She helped Paige hobble back to her room and got her situated, making sure her foot was elevated and she had plenty of Advil. 

“I’m gonna go grab you something to eat, I have class in like 45 minutes so I can’t be long.” Azzi said, taking off her shirt to change.

“Wait ow it hurts.” Paige said calmly to not stress out Azzi. 

But Azzi being how she is rushed over to paige. 

“Are you okay, do u need another pillow, more Advil?” Azzi started questioning, but was interrupted when Paige pulled her onto her lap so Azzi was straddling her. 

“It’s not fair that I was the only one who got fucked today.” Paige said smirking as she ran her hand over Azzi’s breasts that were poking through her tank top. 

“No bra? It’s like ur asking for me to fuck you. How am I supposed to focus on resting when I can see your pretty nipples through your shirt.” Paige noted pulling the straps of Azzi’s tank top down.

“Paige you need to rest come on.” Azzi said, but her breath hitched despite her and she let out a soft moan as Paige pulled her shirt up revealing her nice tits. 

Without saying anything Paige began to rub them, pulling Azzi towards her and wrapping her lips around her nipple. She sucked watching as Azzi moaned into her. 

Azzi could feel the wetness that had already formed in her shorts from when she finger fucked paige minutes earlier. 

“I don’t want you to over do it.” Azzi said between moans as Paige's fingers trailed lower on her stomach. 

“How bout u sit on my face.” Paige said with a smirk as Azzi immediately went red. 

“I’m too heavy paige oh my god that’s no I don’t think-“ Azzi started protesting but paige grabbed her ass squeezing it tightly as she pushed Azzi up towards her mouth sitting her so her legs were on either side of her head. 

At this point Azzi was hovering over her in just her pink Nike shorts. Without another word Paige pulled her shorts to the side and pushed Azzi down on her tongue. 

Azzi let out a loud moan in shock at the sudden pressure. Paige's nose brushed her clit as she dipped her tongue in and out of Azzi.

Pulling it out she began to swirl it around her clit flicking it up and down against her. 

Paige grabbed Azzi’s ass, grinding her against her mouth tasting her wetness. 

“Missed this pussy- taste so good” paige said against her pussy. The vibrations of her voice overstimulate Azzi as she feels her climax start to close in.

“Feels so good.” Azzi moans “gonna come oh god.” Azzi feels herself try to pull away but paige’s strong hand keeps her tight on her face continuing to fuck her with her tongue.

“Look at me baby. You can come for me.” Paige says without stopping. 

Azzi meets her eyes and instantly crumbles under the dominance of the blue eyes. She started coming her white syrup pouring into Paige's mouth as Paige used her tongue to shovel every drop of it into her mouth. Savoring the taste of her. 

“You taste amazing. I have missed this.” Paige said happily looking at Azzi who was folded over on top of her. 

Azzi moved to the side to look into her beautiful blue eyes. Laughing as she sees some of her come on her nose. She kisses it off smiling.

“To be honest I don’t think I can not do this for another month.” Azzi said, running her hand lovingly over Paige's face. Ya I don’t think that’s gonna be a problem anymore, Paige said looking at her phone seeing a text from Aubrey.

—-

Aub: Can u guys shut the fuck up. Like my ears are bleeding 😀

It cannot be that good Azzi

whole new meaning to that 69 joke you made. 

U held out well I’ll give u that, guess I owe ice 50 bucks. 

—-

Paige laughed, turning back to Azzi, who looked a little nervous. 

“What if Geno finds out and gets bad at us.” Azzi starts. “I don’t want him worried that we are going to mess up the team if we break up.” 

Azzi said worriedly as she snuggled closer to paige. 

“Baby don’t worry, that’s not gonna happen, we won’t break up, can’t even go a month without you so trust when I say I could never live without you.” Paige said, reassuring her, and touching her now messy, curly hair. 

“You have girlfriend hair.” She laughed trying to pat it down for her. 

“Ughh paigeee.” Azzi whines, flattening it with her hands and shoving Paige back before snuggling up into her chest. 

“I love you P.” She says muffled by her chest.

“Love you too Az.” Paige replies wrapping her fingers in her hair pulling her closer to her heart where she will keep her forever. 

[keeps-ache]

2024's last digital piece !!

happy new yeeear!! this year i'm gonna try to work on my writing a bit more lol 💫

2021's last piece of art from me

happy new year, my resolution is to set timers so i drink more water✨

[digonthis]

Catered Audience- Pt. 3

Spencer Agnew x f!Reader

2.2k words

( ᴅᴍ ᴏʀ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛ ғᴏʀ ᴛᴀɢ :] )

slow burn-ish, fluff, mutual pining, all that shit

part 1 part 2

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧♡‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧

You were honestly surprised by the amount of friends you’d made just from catering for Smosh. At Mythical you had a few people you’d stop and chat with casually, just regular small-talk stuff. But every time you showed up here you seemed to make at least a few new friends, the kinds of friends you could actually see yourself hanging out with regularly.

That day, you had caught some guy inspecting the order receipt. Thinking you’d messed up, a conversation started and soon enough it was casual chit chat, something like what old friends would do. He said his name was Alex, a good friend of Kiana who had apparently brought you up one or twice in conversation the last little while. He was happy to answer your somewhat silly questions about what his job was like as you finished up your work, but a question of his own stopped you in your tracks.

“Have you seen the little moments of fame you’ve had on the channel lately?”

He brought it up as casually as you would the latest news report or a change in the weather, but the topic had your heart beating a little faster. “I think it’s absolutely hilarious, and between you and me I did think that Spencer guy was super funny!” 

You lean on your cart as you bring Spencer up, the truth was that you’d been watching Smosh in the background during all your cooking lately, primarily videos where he’d been present. That was only a little bit on purpose. “I mean like- in the video I watched you guys film. I love Limp Bizkit, so the impression killed me. And he was so funny and full of energy, even if he sucked at darts! I was cheering for him the whole time, even though it was pretty obvious he wasn’t gonna win-” You cut yourself off suddenly, realizing you’d started to ramble about a guy you’ve never met to a complete stranger.

Alex, sensing he’d really caught your attention, proceeded to hype Spencer up. Coolest guy in the office, super nice, super fun to be around. Absentmindedly, he crumpled and uncrumpled the catering receipt in the pocket of his jacket as he spoke. You were pretty much hooked on every word, all the while trying and failing to keep a casual look about the whole thing. “It’s pretty impressive, you know. The amount of credit you’re getting without even being in the studio. If people didn’t already know you for the bangin’ food they definitely know you now…” He says, and you sense a small ulterior motive behind his words.

“Hell, you could come to the office Christmas party and nobody would even bat an eye…” He says slyly, sipping his drink as wheels turn in your head.

“Uh… I dunno about that much, hm. Wouldn’t want to cause a fuss or be out of place or anything…” You say, the social anxiety already creeping up on you. What would you even say? What would you do? Who would you talk to? What would you wear? You noticed your hands moving a little more quickly and messily as you packed everything up, barely listening as he continued. “I’m sure everyone would be happy to see you, you know. No pressure or anything, just an idea.”

He left the room after dropping that idea, leaving you alone with your thoughts. The idea of being nothing more to Smosh than a one-off joke was a little saddening, especially after enjoying conversations with people as much as you had. Fading to the background now would mean likely losing a lot of that interaction, but the alternative was arguably worse, crashing a company Christmas party and hoping people like that plan. If they didn’t… well, the idea sent a shiver down your spine.

You spent the next few weeks as usual, scolding yourself internally as the christmas party came to your mind more than a few times. You busied yourself in your work, prepping excessively and way too far in advance, just as an excuse to give your mind something to do other than think about it.

In one of the videos you watched as you worked, a ‘who knows me best’ starring Spencer, Angela mentioned you again. You refused to look at the screen, not even wanting to see how anyone reacted, but like any other video it was only minutes before you were rewinding the video, pausing and zooming and analyzing people’s reactions to you. Giggles were audible behind the camera and Angela had a big shit-eating grin on her face, but Spencer was what you really cared about. 

The way he pursed his lips, shoulders shaking to give away his quiet chuckle before he finally broke into a small smile. You told yourself the light blush across his cheeks was the lighting, and forced your eyes away. Back to work, a blush forming on your own cheeks as you continued.

As you finally sat down on the couch, you felt your phone buzz from your pocket. Fishing it out, an email from Smosh was the first thing you saw. You immediately perked back up, despite your exhaustion. and cracked open a redbull. A gigantic and fairly extravagant order, definitely meant for the holiday party. You were surprised at the quality of the ingredients they were springing on, nothing like golf leaf or caviar but a lot of high-ticket products that made you cringe when sending over the price quote. 

Within minutes they had agreed without protest, and the redbull had already been downed. You decide against watching any more Smosh for your mental health’s sake, so you throw on some vinyl and get to work.

After a few days of non-stop work, you were glad to have a regularly scheduled dinner delivery to Smosh, as a break from being alone and doing nothing but baking. The christmas party order had an insane amount of sweets, so you’d been making plenty of cakes, cookies, squares, bars… thinking about it too long makes your head hurt.Wheeling your cart into the studio as usual put a smile on your face quickly though, as you immediately met Angela’s eye.

“What’s for dinner today?” She asks, falling into step with you as she attempts to peek under the foil of the containers. “At least let me put them on the counters first!” You giggle, quickening your pace a little to tease her. “Whatever it is, it smells so good…” 

As the two of you walk along and chat, you lock eyes with the same guy you’d met last time. The one who suggested you come to the christmas party, Alex. He smiles, waving to you and Angela. “What’s up? Did you convince her to come yet?” “Come to what?” Angela asks. “I just tracked her down now, haven had time to ask anything yet…” She adds mischievously, a smirk on her face.

“I just meant the christmas party” Alex returns pointedly. It felt like there was something in this conversation you couldn’t fully understand, but you didn’t have time to ponder this as Angela’s hand shot to your shoulder, an excited glint in her eye. “You gotta come, it’ll be so fun! The girls are planning matching outfits and there’s always great drinks and people and something crazy always happens, it’s such a good time…” She continues her rant on and on until you’ve got all the food set up and people start making plates. The only thing that seemed to stop her tirade was the idea that something would run out before she’d get to eat.

You sigh and lean against the wall, finally having a moment of peace. You still found it to be a horrible idea, like crashing a party you weren’t meant to be at. Alex seemed to read your mind, leaning next to you.

“She has a point, somewhere in all that rambling. People would love to have you there, but… no pressure.”

He seemed apprehensive at the end of the statement, pondering something to himself before deciding to stay quiet. Needing to break it, you voiced your own opinion.

“It’s just so foreign to me, I guess. I’m not technically part of the company, or really ever been part of a company. It’s always just been me working for me, I have no clue how to act at a work party. It’s not my party to go to, and it’d just be too… weird.”

To your surprise, Alex didn’t argue your opinion. Just nodded and shrugged. “You’re not weird. Nobody would think you’re weird. From what I've seen, you have a knack for getting people to favour you, especially when you throw in a freebie with the order.”

With that strange anecdote he left the room casually, leaving you to think. What did he mean? At least it was good that people liked you but what freebies had you-

oh.

oh.

Why the fuck did he know about that???

You were a little glad he had left the room and wasn’t witnessing your little freak out, packing your things quickly and getting out of there as fast as possible. Selina caught you by the door before you can leave, your frazzled expression worrying her. “Who is Alex… close friends with?” You ask awkwardly as she tries to get you to spill whatever is on your mind. “Ah, he’s a super friendly guy but he’s definitely closest with Spenc-” “Nope!” You cut her off blankly, carting your shit out of the building without explanation leaving poor Selina confused and worried for you.

Alex must’ve talked to Spencer about you. Spencer must’ve talked about you to Alex. He took that receipt. How much does he know? What is there to know at all? Why did you tell Alex, a whole stranger that much the other day? You stand in front of your car door, weighing your options.

You could storm back in there, track him down and make him swear to secrecy. Search his office for the receipt, and threaten him for any information he had about you.

You could… drive all the way to Canada, change your name and start a new life?

You could grab a pint of ice cream and watch movies alone on your apartment until you fall asleep…

You went with the third option.

Ben and Jerry weren’t the best at giving advice but they sure did provide a comfort that you needed, until your phone buzzed with a instagram DM from Selina checking in. You assured her you were fine, but she wanted to know more. Within minutes you caved and sent paragraphs upon paragraphs of everything, from initially seeing Spencer to making the stupid cupcake to Alex and the receipt to the christmas party, and all Selina had to say in response was… laughing emojis. You threw your phone against the wall and fell asleep promptly.

Soon enough, it was the day of the christmas party and you were in a bit of a craze from all the cooking and baking you’d been submerging yourself in to forget about your feelings. You couldn’t help but feel proud as you looked over the vast expanse of food you’d made, the intricate and huge gingerbread house the star of the show. 

Once everything was packed into your car, you felt a slight pang of dread. It would be the first time going back to Smosh since Alex’s little comment and your realization that Spencer probably knew more about you than you thought, but you quickly shook the feeling away. You had planned for this, it would take you a long time to set everything up at the venue so you’d given yourself plenty of time, enough so that you would be out the door and gone before any partygoers even show up. Keys in ignition and brave face on, you headed out.

The venue was just as extravagant as the catering order. It took you a few trips to get everything in, the only other person already there was Ian himself, and you insisted you didn’t need his help bringing things in. You hadn’t had the chance to speak with him much prior, but he was really nice and very complimentary to your work, especially the gingerbread house and gingerbread cookie of himself. You were having a great time talking to him, pleasantly surprised with his interest in the process of making everything, until you were tackled from behind with a hug.

“Thank God you decided to show!” Shrieked a voice so energetic it could only be Angela’s. “I knew you would, I did! I should have got you the dress to match, shit! This is gonna be so fun, don’t even worry-”

Ian looked at you confused as you gently pried her off, trying to quiet the excitement down so you could get going. “Show… for what?” He asked, catching Angela’s attention. “The party! I told her to come but she insisted she wouldn’t, but I think Alex changed her mind…” 

“Um, no. Sorry… I was just dropping the stuff off…” You interject awkwardly, gesturing to the tables of food and dessert you’d just finished arranging. Ian took the brief silence as an opportunity to make you an offer that had your stomach dropping.

“Whatever we’re paying you for all this food definitely isn’t enough. The least I could do is let you eat some of it! Since it seems you’re friendly with the cast, it only makes sense.” He says casually, a completely oblivious smile on his face.

The only thing worse than intruding on a party was rejecting an invite once you’re already there. With Angela looking at you so hopefully and Ian sharing such a gracious offer, you really couldn’t say no without being insanely rude, so you nodded and smiled, your brain going haywire.

“Thanks, I hope I'm dressed okay, I really didn’t plan on staying…” You smooth your slightly wrinkled shirt down before Angela places a hand on yours. “Have you ever seen our costume department?”

The grin on her face tells you that you would be seeing it soon.

(A/N- ɪ ᴘʀᴇᴡʀᴏᴛᴇ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀs ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇ ɪғ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ғᴡ ᴛʜɪs ! ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴇɴ ɴᴜᴍʙᴇʀs ɢᴏ ᴜᴘ sᴏ ɪғ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴs ɪʟʟ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ᴍᴏʀᴇ! ɢɪᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ᴀ ʙɪɢ ᴊᴜɪᴄʏ ᴋɪss ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴇɴᴛs ᴏʀ sᴏᴍᴇᴛʜɪɴɢ ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ )

[blackenedsnow]

Hi! I just wanted to asked if you could make a fanfic of shadow the hedgehog and mobian!reader,

the reader has a huge fascination with death and everything morbid to the point they draw,paint,sculpture disturbing stuff like that and all this fascination comes from them seeing lots of tragedies and they use morbid content as a way to try and help themselves and try to desensitize themselves from what they have seen and shadow is not very aware of all of this but he slowly finds out about it and wants to confront the reader

beautiful darkness

WARNING: Mentions of death, morbid themes, trauma processing, emotional vulnerability

PAIRING: Shadow the Hedgehog x Reader

NOTE: Hello. 🖤 I love how you’ve woven the themes of tragedy and coping through art—it's such a deep and fascinating premise. I hope this hits the mark for you. Thank you for trusting me with this request! Take care of yourself.

SUMMARY: You’ve always used morbid art to process the tragedies you've seen, creating sculptures and drawings that pull beauty from the grim. When Shadow discovers the extent of your dark fascination, he struggles to understand—but he’s determined to confront you and offer the comfort he thinks you need.

The studio was silent, except for the scratch of your pencil against paper. You were deep in concentration, eyes narrowed as you worked on a sketch—a skeletal figure cradling a wilted rose, the petals dripping into a pool of ink-black shadows. To anyone else, it might seem morbid. To you, it was therapy.

Your hands moved with practiced grace, each line deliberate. These drawings, these sculptures, these pieces of darkness—they were your way of making sense of the chaos in your mind. You'd seen things that clung to your thoughts like cobwebs: tragedies that replayed in endless loops when you closed your eyes. If you could capture those horrors, render them into art, maybe you could take away their power. Maybe you could breathe again.

But you never told anyone why. Not even Shadow.

You weren’t sure he’d understand. Shadow was someone who carried his own grief quietly, wrapped in layers of stoicism. You admired his strength, his quiet resilience. But he rarely spoke of his pain. And if he didn’t share his darkness with you, why burden him with yours?

You didn’t notice him standing in the doorway until you felt his eyes on you—a heavy presence, like storm clouds rolling in. You startled, dropping your pencil.

“Shadow!” You quickly turned your sketchpad over, heart hammering in your chest. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

He didn’t respond immediately. His crimson eyes flicked from you to the scattered pages around the room: sketches of decayed flowers, statues of distorted figures, paintings of other extremely gorey things. His jaw tightened.

“I didn’t realize you were working on… this.” His voice was low, controlled.

You swallowed hard, suddenly self-conscious. “It’s just art,” you said, trying to sound casual. “It helps me clear my head.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “This isn’t just art. These… depictions of death and suffering—what are you trying to clear your head of?”

You looked away, fingers curling into your palms. You hadn’t expected him to find out like this. He was always respectful of your space, your privacy. But now the walls were down, and there was no hiding the truth.

“It’s complicated,” you whispered.

Shadow stepped into the room, his footsteps nearly silent. He crouched down in front of you, his gaze softening, though his intensity never waned. “Then help me understand.”

Your breath trembled in your chest. The vulnerability was like standing on a cliff’s edge, the wind threatening to pull you over. But the weight of keeping it all in was heavier still.

“I’ve seen things, Shadow,” you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “It’s like those memories are burned into my mind. So I create these… morbid pieces. It’s my way of trying to control it. To face it.”

His eyes searched yours, a flicker of understanding sparking in the crimson depths. “You’re trying to desensitize yourself,” he said slowly. “To make the nightmares less powerful.”

You nodded. “Yeah. And maybe it’s weird. Maybe it’s too much. But it helps me.”

He was quiet for a moment, his expression unreadable. You braced for judgment, for the cold wall of misunderstanding. But then, Shadow reached out, his gloved hand gently brushing your cheek.

“It’s not too much,” he said softly.

Your eyes widened. “You mean that?”

He nodded. “I’ve faced my own darkness. And for a long time, I thought I had to carry it alone. But seeing you… how you process your pain—it’s not weakness. It’s strength.” He paused, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want you to drown in it.”

You felt a fresh wave of emotion swell in your chest. “I don’t want to drown, either. But sometimes it feels like the only way to stay afloat.”

Shadow’s grip on your hand tightened just slightly. “I may not understand everything, but I want to try.”

The words settled over you like a balm, soothing wounds you didn’t know were still open. You leaned into his touch, a shaky smile breaking through.

“Thank you, Shadow.”

He nodded once, his eyes filled with a quiet determination.

[look-at-the-soul]

That’s the way it is

Cillian Murphy x reader

Word count: 2,615

A/N’s: ah this has been in my drafts for a while so I thought of finishing it to post it and clear my WIPS 🥰✨ I hope you like it!

And last but not least, I want to share a quote I came across the other day, in the middle of rush hour, in the middle of a hurry… and it made me stop on my tracks and stare at those words for what seemed like an eternity. “If it makes you happy, it doesn’t have to make sense to other people.”

You sighed as the document showed you the saved message.

“Y/N! Are you available?” Your boss texted you just as you had finished your work.

“Yes, everything alright Kian?” You asked right away. But before you had the chance to lock your phone, she called you.

“I know you asked to take the day off tomorrow, just wanted to check if you’d be able to save us for an interview?”

“Well I took the day off to arrange everything for my moving.”

“Let’s do this, you get the day off any other day you want and you don’t even have to register it in the system, if you say yes, you’ll keep your full holiday.”

You bit your lower lip debating how to organize everything.

“I had Craig for this interview but he had something personal coming up and isn’t available.”

“Alright, I’ll do it.” You agreed

“I know you’ll do a fabulous work darling, just like you always do.”

“Stop the flattering.” You joked. “So, what time should I see you at the office?”

“Oh no, you’re going to Dun Laoghaire.”

*****

Your heart had been beating so fast since last night when you heard you’d be interviewing Cillian Murphy, an Irish native, the man of the moment as some media called him. If anyone asked in Ireland, he was considered as a national treasure.

And he was for so many reasons.

Googling his recent work last night, you realized some of the comments of how he didn’t do photos, or how a lot of people mispronounced his name, he wasn’t a follower of trends either and answering the same questions over and over again made him uncomfortable.

You thought you had prepared enough material for this project. That’s why you arrived at the place your boss instructed you earlier to set up everything. But nothing prepared you for that ocean stare when he arrived holding his dog’s leash.

“Hello I’m Cillian.” He introduced himself and greeted you with a kiss. As an assistant informed him he’d attach a microphone to his jacket, he couldn’t help but joke. “You look a bit different, Craig.”

“Y/N, nice to meet you.” Y/N smiled and then bent down. “And who’s this.”

He nodded and whistled at his dog. “This is Scout.”

Greeting his dog with your hand you chuckled and explained Craig had some personal matters to attend. “Heard you couldn’t reschedule.”

“Yeah, there’s loads of events coming up.”

“You don’t sound excited.” The wind blew his hair.

You were surprised how he didn’t ask for an stylist or someone to assist him.

He looked down. “Don’t get me wrong, I am… but I’m not at the same time, it probably doesn’t makes sense.”

“I’ve never attended any, so…”

His hands were suddenly hiding in the pockets of his jacket. “You aren’t missing a big deal.” Then he laughed nervously. “What you must be thinking, what’s he complaining about? It’s just it’s a lot to take in, someone is always telling you where to stand, where to look, what to do…”

“We’re ready.” The camera guy approached you.

“Give me a minute.” You asked, looking at him, then you turned to Cillian. “Don’t worry, it’s not my job to judge anyone. I’m just here to have a chat.” You smiled at him.

That seemed to make him feel at ease with you as he started talking about the multi awarded film. He was sharing lots of personal insights of his preparation for this role in a way that made you feel as if you were having a conversation with a friend you haven’t seen in a while. He made you forget about all the questions you had prepared.

“Would you say there’s a Cillian before and after this movie?” You asked stopping to pet his dog.

“I’d be a liar if I tell you no. Because in a way, there’s a before and after.” He paused for a second to stare at the ocean, it was a beautiful and breathtaking sunset. “But then, I feel like I’m the same you know?”

You contemplated the way the golden hour highlighted his features, his voice made you feel like you were floating.

“I don’t want this to change me, to get it in my head.”

“I don’t think this will, but you definitely are getting more attention lately. Has it been hard to deal with that part of the fame?”

He smiled and pointed towards some rocks and you followed him. “For a moment it was, I mean I had a very publicly divorce in the middle of filming.” He chuckled and you gasped, the only rule your boss requested was no personal questions.

Cillian must’ve sensed your nervousness because he touched your arm. “It’s alright, everybody knows about that.”

“We can edit and cut it from the final version.”

But he shook his head. “It’s all part of what you saw on the big screen, Oppenheimer wasn’t a saint, he had struggles, his own battles. Just like myself.” He added showing you a side that he had never shared before.

“How do you keep this out of your characters? How do you draw a line between set and real life.”

Cillian raised his eyebrows. “That’s a good question… I don’t know to be honest.” He looked down at your parted lips and lost track of his thoughts for a second. “When I hear the word action, something deep inside me steps back and the character emerges. But then when I go back home Mum just sends me over to take the trash can.” He chuckled and a few lines appeared around the corner of his eyes. “It’s hard to explain, you must think this is crazy.”

Crunching down to pick up a rock, you shook your head. “It makes more sense than you can imagine.” He gave you a surprised look. “To me, I feel that way when I’m writing an article.”

Apart from this, you had a weekly column in a well known newspaper both, printed and online that was quite popular. Lots of people reached out assuring you the column described perfectly how they felt.

“I read your article about finding different kinds of soulmates. It was so interesting.”

You blushed at the thought of him reading your article. “It sparkled a debate. I got a bunch of replies and letters with opinions divided, some people agreed and the rest accused me of confusing them.”

Your phone ringing interrupted the conversation, but taking a look at the screen, you knew you had to take it. “I’m really sorry, it’s my grandma.”

As you moved a few steps away to answer the call, Cillian stared at you in silence. For the past hour you hadn’t been bombarding him with hundreds of questions, you had been making him talk freely about what he loved the most, about something much more than just his job.

“Oh no don’t worry granny.” He heard you say softly. “Yes, it’s the interview I told you about.”

There was a huge smile on your lips and the sudden wind blew the scarf you were wearing.

“Absolutely, I’m sure the weather fairies listened to your prayers that’s why isn’t raining.” You threw a subtle glance in his direction, he was staring at you. “Oh, Cillian says hi.”

He winked, pleased with the positive answer you gave him on your grandma’s behalf.

“I gotta go soon, but I’ll see you on Sunday. Love you.”

“Weather fairies? That’s new.” He pointed out before whistling at his dog.

“She swears there’s a fairy in her house hiding her something, so she might put her to good use asking for a good weather today.”

“Which seems to be working so far.” Cillian stared at the clear sky, it was a surprise there hasn’t been any raining.

“I guess she’s right, I wouldn’t want to piss off a fairy tho.” You stated jokingly resuming the walk. “What are you looking forward now?”

“Some time off.” Cillian answered right away. “All of this attention is mortifying.” He laughed out loud, feeling at ease with you.

“Completely away?”

“Loads of reading, cooking, some walks here and there. Ya know?”

You opened your mouth, but decided to not say anything.

“What?” He asked fixing his eyes on you. “Boring right?”

“No, I was going to say it’s a bit shocking… you’re the total opposite of a big movie star mold.”

“In other words… boring, I know.” He repeated.

And now you felt mortified by insulting him. “No, no I mean…”

“Hey I’m just messing with ya.” His palm came to rest on your shoulder. “To be honest I’m also looking forward to spend some time with my people, being away during filming it’s a bit hard sometimes, I’m not always around for birthdays or important moments.”

“What is it a couple of things that can’t miss during your breaks?”

“Music and food. I love having people over all the time… I’m not the introvert everyone thinks.”

“You’re an extrovert with the right people.” You stated lifting your face towards the sun. Take it in.

Cillian’s eyes followed you. There was something magical on your face.

“Exactly.” He let out in a whisper.

“How is it to work with Christopher Nolan? Everyone says he’s hard to please.”

Cillian frowned. “He always has a very clear idea of what he wants, he’s brilliant.” He’d work with Chris every time if he could. “He just expects the same high level and commitment he provides in return.”

That made you think how unfair people made him look, it’s easier to say he’s very picky when in reality he’s just steps ahead of everyone and lazy people prefer to say he’s difficult. Your understanding seemed to calm Cillian.

“He’s just like his mind is always ten steps ahead,” he explained with a smile. “Would you like to see something unique?”

“What, are you going to FaceTime him?” Your eyes opened wide at the thought.

“No, he doesn’t have a phone.” Cillian admitted. “Come on, I want to show yo something.” He motioned the crew and you to follow him.

As you were walking, he explained why he chose that place, he wanted to settle down by the beach, it reminded him of the holiday home he used to visit as a child and not only that, he shared a lot of his personal favorites of the neighborhood, it was as if he took over the tour guide role, sharing the best places to grab some food and the local antiques store after learning it was one of favorites things to do.

“So… what are you doing for the holidays?” Cillian asked hooking the lash on Scout’s collar.

“Driving to Enniskerry to be with my family. What about you?”

“Ah that’s beautiful.” He would be almost three hours away from there. “I’ll be down to Cork. Also for the family gathering.”

“That’s amazing, I hope you get to have some good time.”

“After you.” He held the door open and gave you a welcoming smile.

This wasn’t scripted, never in your wildest dreams you’d have imagined Cillian would invite you over to his house. This was his safe place, so intimate, and being honest with yourself you don’t just invite someone you just met.

He was incredibly kind and offered everyone something to drink, he was constantly moving his hands and explaining how he got that painting or the vintage piano sitting in a corner… he seemed so down to earth, your mind was just so full of everything that was happening, trying to register every little thing.

“Here it is.” Cillian announced after excusing himself for a couple of minutes downstairs. In his hands he was carrying the Oppenheimer script. “Go ahead, you can hold it.”

Your fingers trembled at the contact.

Time froze for an instant as you took in the handwritten note from Chris to Cillian.

“You left her speechless.” The camera man pointed out with a chuckle.

And you were definitely out of words as you went through the pages.

“Wow.”

“He printed it on red paper because if someone tries to copy it won’t be clear. It’s even hard to read as it is.” Cillian explained with excitement in his voice.

“I hope you get this framed.” You stated still in shock to be able to see something like that with your own eyes.

There were plenty of notes made by Cillian in literally every empty space.

“Oh that is actually a great idea.” He leaned back on the sofa staring at you for a little longer. “I’m glad you appreciate it as much as I do.”

“Are you kidding me? I mean… is there anything better than this?” You held the script on your lap as if it was some holy grail.

“Can we get a close up?” The camera man walked around the reading room but you gave Cillian a glance, to make sure he agreed.

He nodded, showing you some of the words he added, little notes like open eyes, walk slowly.

“How do you get over this? Seriously, you deserve every single award.”

Cillian seemed to blush after your statement. He really didn’t know how to get a compliment.

“Well…”

“No,” you quickly interrupted him, “that’s the way it is.”

“Thank you, I’m still not used to the attention.” He let out a nervous laugh, processing your words, letting the compliment linger in his mind.

“Would you change something?” Y/N asked taking Cillian by surprise.

“No,” he answered right away. “I’d do it all over again.”

Y/N nodded pleased with his answer. “That’s good, because if you did something differently, you’d get a different result. And everything happened just the way it should have.”

“Y/N.” The camera man tried to get your attention, pointing at his clock.

“Oh my! This got way longer than we expected.” You remembered he had a family affair to attend. “Thank you so much for having us, and for sharing this unique moment Cillian.”

Cillian studied the crew members, trying to buy himself some time. “Thanks y’all for the incredible work you did.” The camera man was gone and now only the microphone guy was around. “So how does it work now, do you’ve everything you needed?”

“We’ll send it to the editor and wait for a proposal, I usually change a few frames after they do the edition and I’ll send my final version to Kian and I’m sure Craig will want to take a look first.”

“Grand.”

You wrapped your scarf around your neck and bit the inside of your cheek. “I can send you the preview if you want.”

“Urm guys I need to catch the bus, see ya.” Paul the one in charge of the microphones waved goodbye.

“How about a pre-preview?” Cillian asked rubbing his arm. “Would you like to go for a drink?”

He saw a chance and decided to take the risk.

“Is this still part of the interview?” You had to ask, to see where you’d stand.

“No, it definitely has another intention on my part.” He flirted openly. “And maybe we could meet sometime between Christmas and New Year’s let’s say in… Kilkenny? Right in the middle.”

“Uh direct aren’t you?”

“That’s the way it is.” Cillian admitted.

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you got to enjoy this little silly idea ✨ please remember your feedback is the best gift you could leave, it keeps the inspiration rolling 🥰♥️

Master list

Inspired by these photos from the 60 minutes interview:

Tag list: (if you want to be added/removed please let me know)

@lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @cillmequick

@datewithgianni @garrison-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells

@fastfan @stevie75 @elk96 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd

@forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @winchestergirl22 @blondie-22 @allie131313

@elenavampire21 @already-broken144 @moral-terpitude @rangerelik @imichelle-l-rigby

@peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shaddixlife @sloanexx @cilliansangel

@adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @kmc1989

[joysansworld]

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆ hey lovely’s! This is my first time ever writing so bear with me on this one! I would love any and all feedback so feel free to share! (I’m also still trying to figure out how to use tumblr so I’d love some tips for that as well ._.) anyways here’s a a quick little story of an idea I had earlier I hope you enjoy! ⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Summary: You and Nanami Kento had been coworkers at jujutsu tech for a while. Overtime you had both developed a sort of friendship, you found that you both had a lot of the same interests and got along great, but your relationship never extended outside of just work friends. That was until everyone had gone out for drinks for Gojos birthday and he had a little too much to drink causing him to share some secrets he didn’t want shared.

₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ ₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊

It was 7pm. I was getting ready to go to a local bar to celebrate Gojos birthday with everybody from work. I put on a simple black dress and some black boots with a brown overcoat since it was cold out being that it was December. Once I was done getting ready I picked up my phone to text Nanami to let him know I was good for him to come pick me up whenever he was ready. We had decided to carpool there together since we figured it would be easier for the both of us since we could only handle so much of Gojo at one time and figured we’d both end up leaving early anyways. My phone screen lit up as I read the message i received from him. “Okay I’ll head over now. -Kento”. I headed to the living room in my apartment and grabbed my purse, getting one last look of myself in the entryway mirror, smoothing out my hair and making sure everything looked right. As I waited for him to pull up I couldn’t help but feel a slight sense of nervousness. Not that I had any reason to, but I had to admit that I grown fond of Nanami. We had been working together for a while and although we continued to stay just friends, I couldn’t help but begin to feel something more for him. We got along great and shared the same interests, talking about whatever books we were reading at the time never got old. And the coffee breaks we’d take together or the fresh bread he’d bring me every morning when he stopped at the bakery, it all led to me falling for him. But I had long since shoved those feelings down, not wanting to ruin our friendship and also not wanting to jeopardize anything at work, our job was dangerous after all and the last thing anyone needed was unnecessary feelings getting in the way. Just as I was about to go further into deep thought, the sound of a car door shutting brought me back to reality. I looked out my window to see Nanami approaching my from door. I smoothed out my dress hastily before I heard the doorbell sound, I opened the door and was greeted with his familiar warm smile. “Hey, you ready to go?” He asked. “As ready as I possibly can be.” I said with a sigh shaking my head slightly, stepping out of the doorway and closing it behind me. “You can never prepare yourself for Gojo unfortunately.” He said with a light chuckle.

As we headed to his car, he walked over to my side and opened the door for me. I said a quiet thank you before sitting in the passenger seat. Of course I couldn’t help the feeling of butterflies in my stomach as he walked around to his side of the car, but I shoved all of that down as he got in. “So how long are we planning on staying tonight?” I asked him as he pulled out of the driveway and began the short drive to the bar. “Well i figured we stay about an hour, that gives him enough time to get drunk and allows us to make our escape without him complaining too much.” He said with a small grin on his face. I let out a laugh as I responded “yeah no that sounds like a great plan, let’s just hope it doesn’t make him more dramatic and then we have to pry him off of us while he wails dramatically.” I said jokingly rolling my eyes. Once we reached the bar, Nanami had gotten out of the car to open my door and provided a hand to help me out. As we walked into the bar together we immediately spotted the group. Gojo, Geto, shoko, and haibara were all already there. Shoko waved us over eagerly, as we walked towards them Gojo finally spotted us, turning around with his massive grin plastered on his face. “Well look who finally decided to show up! I thought you guys forgot about me there for a second!” He said sarcastically as he raised up his arms in false offense. “Oh don’t worry Gojo we could never, you’re too unforgettable.” I said with a smile, rolling my eyes. “Aw you’re too kind.” He said with a grin. I wished him happy birthday and took my seat next to Shoko. Nanami had sat in the other side of me where he sat next to Haibara. Both of us had ordered drinks and began talking to our friends. I wasn’t really feeling drinking that night so I continued to sip on my one glass of wine throughout the whole night. Despite that I still had a lot of fun, me and shoko gossiped about a little bit of everything while Gojo of course had too much to drink and began terrorizing everyone close by. Geto following close behind him practically babysitting him. Nanami had walked off somewhere with haibara awhile ago, so me and shoko continued talking.

I was just in the middle of saying something to her when I felt a hand on my shoulder, I turn around to see a man I didn’t know standing behind me. A sleazy grin on his face and very obviously intoxicated. “Hey sweetness, mind if I buy you a drink?” He said slurring his words slightly. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and gave him a tight lipped smile as I replied, “no thank you, I’m actually all done for the night.” But that didn’t ward him off since his then leaned against the bar table and leaned in awkwardly close to me. “Oh come on, I’ve been watching you all night and you’ve hardly had anything, just let me get you a little something at least?” Scooting away from him, now visibly uncomfortable I grimaced at him as I replied. “Really I’m okay thank you.” I replied dryly as I turned back to shoko trying to ignore him. That was until he grabbed my shoulder again, harsher this time, spinning me around to face him. “Hey I don’t take kindly to being ignored especially by sluts like you.” He practically spat out in anger. Before shoko could even get words out of her mouth to defend me, there was suddenly a very large figure being shoved in between me and the creep. It didn’t take long for me to realize that it was a very upset Nanami standing in between us. “Hey what the hell man?” I heard being yelled out by the other man. Nanami had shoved him back, clearly infuriated. “You need to get the fuck away from her. Now.” He spat out in utter anger. “Listen I don’t know who the hell you are, but this isn’t your problem buddy so you need to get out of my way so I can finish the conversation I was having.” The creep said as he got in Nanamis face poking his chest. “It didn’t look like much of a conversation to me, so I think you should leave.” Nanami said almost too calmly. Wait was he drunk? The closer I looked the more I saw his flushed face, probably a mix of the alcohol and anger. He never acted like this either. “I don’t think you heard me clearly, I’m not done dealing with this bitch so you-“ he didn’t even finish his sentence before Nanami punched him right in the face. Everyone in the bar collectively gasping as they all looked over at the scene. “Don’t you dare fucking talk to her like that you piece of shit!” He yelled out as he towered over the man who was now on the floor with a very bloody and definitely broken nose, just as he was about to go for another hit, Geto and haibara got in between them and shoved Nanami back. Coming more to his senses after a few moments he turned to face me, placing his hands on my shoulders gently, looking me over. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” He said his tone laced with concern. My eyes were still wide with utter shock as I shook my head. “No-no I’m fine. Kento why did you-?” He interrupted me before I could finish, taking on a more serious tone. “He disrespected you. And no one should ever treat you like that, you are an incredible woman, someone who is only worthy of respect, and I’ll be damned if someone treats you like that.” I felt the blush heat up my cheeks. His words caused my own to catch in my throat. I then felt his hand on my cheek, his touch light. “You deserve only the utmost respect, and you deserve a man who treats you like the kind, loving, angel that you are. You are too wonderful, too great to be treated as low as that. And I’m never going to let that happen to you.” He said as he looked directly into my eyes, emotion evident in them. I was at a complete loss for words and still in utter shock as my body stayed completely still. I didn’t know if it was the alcohol making him say all of this or what, but it made my heart race.

Just as I was about to say something back the owner of the bar had asked us to leave, and rightfully so. The man who layed on the floor was being tended to staring daggers at Nanami. As we all walked out of the bar shoko wrapped her arm around me and began laughing “you know I think after experiencing whatever just happened, I think it’s safe to say Nanami has a little bit of a thing for you.” I immediately looked over at him to see if he heard that, he was to busy being surrounded by Gojo and the others who were all praising him for what he did. “Shoko shut up!” I said elbowing her playfully. “Hey I’m just saying I think it’s painfully obvious.” And with that we all stood outside by our cars. Geto was driving Gojo home and haibara was leaving with shoko, so that left me to take nanami home, since I’d definitely be the one driving tonight. The walk to the car was silent, as we got in and I adjusted the drivers seat and started the car, I could feel him looking at me. “I’m sorry for causing such a scene tonight, but I couldn’t stand how he was talking to you.” He said calmly. “It’s okay, don’t worry about it I totally get it and if anything I’m glad you did it. He was a huge creep and I don’t know what would’ve happened if you wouldn’t have come when you did.” I said keeping my eyes on the road ahead. “I care about you, I really do. Maybe more than I should.” I heard him say, the last part almost a whisper. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as i pulled up into my driveway. “I care about you too Ken” I said looking down as I put the car in park, feeling incredibly nervous. “I know I probably shouldn’t confess this now but I’m going to do it while I have the courage. Over time, I’ve learned that I have fallen for you. I know we’re just friends and I understand completely if you don’t feel the same but I can’t help it anymore. You’re kind heart and beautiful personality, the way you brighten up every room you walk into. Whenever I’m having a horrid day at work and you magically come by to tell me something stupid you saw Gojo do, it makes me feel better in ways that it shouldn’t. The work we do is awful and draining, and for awhile I didn’t have a reason. But then you came into my life, with your witty sarcasm and love for classic books which still shocks me to this day. But you gave me reason, and it was then, when I realized I had fallen for you and there was no going back for me. And I understand if you don’t feel the same but I had to let you know.” And for a moment there was just silence between us. As we sat there looking back at each other. Until I finally spoke up, “Kento, you have no idea how good it feels to hear that. Because I do feel the same way, I have for awhile I just, never wanted to say anything in fear it would ruin our friendship. But you did the same for me, you’ve become a light in this dreadful job and I, well I feel the same way.” I said quietly. I could feel my heart beating wildly against my chest as we just looked at each other for a moment. He reached his hand to cup my face gently, rubbing his thumb across my cheek lightly. I melted into his touch immediately, as i continued to look at him I moved without even thinking. Closing the distance between us as I placed my lips on his own. It didnt take long for him to kiss me back. Our mouths moving in sync with equal fervor and emotion. Once we pulled away from each other he rested his forehead on my own. “I hate that this all happened the way it did but I am thankful it happened. But let me take you on a real date, let me pick you up and take you to a nice dinner no bars or anything like that, what do you say?” He asked. And I couldn’t help the smile that stretched across my face as i answered him “yeah, id love that kento. How about tomorrow night?”

(This was terrible lmao, posting it because I spent way too long on it, feel free to flame me for this😭)

[aylacavebear]

Soulmates? Yeah, right, pft. - Ch. 33

When you turn sixteen, and your soulmate's name doesn’t appear anywhere on your body that you can find, you figure you had to be the only person on the planet who didn’t have one. Most of the town shuns you, so you stick close to family. Your Aunt Ellen raised you after your parents died in a car crash when you were two, but what happens when the Winchesters return to town and buried secrets begin to come to light?

Pairing: Mechanic Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You

Word Count: 8241

Warnings: Dean being Dean, Fluff (lots), EXPLICIT Sexual Content, Virgin(ish) reader, Loss of Virginity, More Fluff, Premonition. (Pretty sure that's it.)

A/N: This is my non-Supernatural fic I'm attempting. Please let me know what you think, as I always love hearing from my readers.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 33

The night had been blissfully relaxing. Things between you and Dean had never gone further than a steamy make-out session, but that had been enough to leave you breathless and wanting. Dinner had been a success—delicious and satisfying, with enough leftovers to carry you through the next couple of days. Falling asleep in his arms, you’d felt that sense of peace, a smile lingering on your lips as you drifted into dreams.

This morning, however, was all about him. His birthday. The day you’d been secretly preparing for.

Just after five, you slipped quietly out of bed, careful not to disturb him. Closing the bedroom door softly behind you, you padded to the kitchen, your bare feet brushing against the cool floor. You had plans and didn’t want to wake him early. While the coffee pot brewed, the aroma teasing your senses, you began gathering ingredients, a delighted smile adorning your expression.

Since you’d been practicing the bubble technique Pamela had suggested, you’d been able to keep some of your thoughts from him, like what your plans for today were. Everything you needed was already in the kitchen, even if you’d need to do everything by hand instead of using a mixer. 

By six, the cakes were in the oven, and you were on your second cup of coffee, contentedly washing dishes while humming softly to yourself. The bunker was quiet, safe for the gentle rush of water from the sink. You checked the bedroom door occasionally, but Dean was still sleeping soundly. 

With this particular cake recipe, it included a recipe for frosting. So, while the cakes cooked, you tackled that next, blending the ingredients by hand and whisking till it was nice and fluffy. You slid the bowl into the fridge to chill just as the timer went off. Pulling the cakes from the oven, you poked them lightly with a toothpick, nodding in satisfaction. Five more minutes. 

You set up the cooling wracks on the table, maximizing your limited space, and mentally debated blocking the small gap beneath the bedroom door to keep the sweet aromas from reaching him. In the end, you decided against it, figuring since it wasn’t pie, he’d probably sleep through it.

If you had had the stuff for pie, you would have made him pie, but hoped he understood. It wasn’t like you could make a quick trip to the grocery store the night before or even this morning. Not with Pamela’s warning, even with Cole in custody.

By the time the cakes were cooling on the racks, you’d moved on to breakfast: eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. Sadly, there was nothing you could use to make hashbrowns or would have done those too. Still, everything was falling into place. So far, so good. He’s still sleeping. 

The plan was simple—surprise him with breakfast in bed, complete with a steaming cup of coffee. Then, the cake. By then, you hoped your nerves would have settled. A leap of faith.

You weren’t too worried about breakfast dishes right away—they could wait. After making up a plate for each of you, you quickly frosted the cakes, stacking them carefully with a layer of frosting between them. The soft scrape of the spatula against the bowl was almost rhythmic, a small comfort as you smoothed the final layer. 

Balancing both plates and two cups of coffee, you took a steadying breath before heading back to the room. Quietly pushing the door open, you stepped inside, the warm aroma of breakfast trailing with you. A hint of sweetness followed from the cakes, mixing gently with everything else. Even in the dim light, you could make out Dean’s outline on the bed, the steady rise and fall of his chest. For a moment, you paused, watching him, letting the calmness of it all wash over you and steady your nerves. His relaxed form, the faint shadow of stubble on his jaw, the soft sound of his breathing—it anchored you. 

Carefully, you set the plates and cups on the nightstand before sitting next to his sleeping form. The mattress dipped slightly under your weight, and Dean stirred, rolling onto his back. One hand rested over his heart, the other loose at his side.

A small smile tugged at your lips as you looked down at him. Even half-buried in sleep, he looked so at ease, his features softened by the darkness. You reached out, cupping his cheek, the warmth of his skin grounding you further as your thumb gently rubbed over the faint scruff there. “Hey, birthday boy,” you murmured softly, “You gonna sleep the day away?” letting your emotions wrap around him while he slept, gently pulling him from his dreamless slumber.

The corners of his mouth curved into a smile before he even opened his eyes. “Someone’s up early,” he mumbled, his voice heavy with sleep, and your smile deepened at the familiar gravelly tone.

“It’s your birthday. Why wouldn’t I be up early?” you teased lightly, your voice lilting with affection as you reached over to switch on the lamp.

The warm glow illuminated his face just as the rich aroma of the breakfast reached his sleepy senses. Dean inhaled deeply, his eyes flickering to the plates on the nightstand before shifting back to you. His smile widened, slow and content, his expression laced with something that made your heart flutter. 

“You’re amazing, you know that,” he murmured, his voice still rough but filled with warmth. All he could think about was pulling you into his arms and holding you close.

A quiet giggle slipped out when your eyes met his, feeling what he wanted to do. “Breakfast first.” The look in your eyes and the smile on your lips betrayed just how much you wanted to give in to him right then and there, but you had a plan this morning. “Kiss first?” he countered, giving you the best puppy eyes he could, but you didn’t miss the mischievous glint hidden behind the plea. You bit your bottom lip, your heart skipping at the way his gaze lingered on you. “If I kiss you first, breakfast will get cold.”

Dean raised an eyebrow and, even still groggy from sleep, wondered what that might mean. He didn’t push the topic. Although he pouted at you when you refused him even a peck on the cheek, making you laugh softly. As he sat up, you grabbed his cup of coffee, handing it to him once he got himself comfortable against the headboard.

But then, without a word, you quickly got up and left the room, leaving Dean staring after you, puzzled. He sipped his coffee, his brow furrowed slightly. You hadn’t given anything away, and now you’d left him wondering all sorts of things. 

It wasn’t long before you returned,  a tray in your hands and a soft smile on your lips. Dean’s gaze locked onto you and every movement you made, his tiredness forgotten. There was something about you that felt different, and it was making him think things he didn’t want to focus on just yet.

You set the tray gently over his legs, then placed his plate in the center of it, arranging everything with care. “Happy birthday, Dean,” you said, your voice warm, your smile reaching your eyes.

For a moment, all he could do was stare, his breath catching in his chest. The growl of his stomach finally broke the spell, earning a soft laugh from you. He couldn’t help but grin back at you, still at a loss for words. 

You’d cooked for the two of you before, but this felt different, you felt different, it all felt different somehow, and he had no idea what to say. While he was distracted, you left a soft kiss on his cheek, his stubble rough but welcome against your lips. 

He chuckled, his cheeks warming as he looked at you. “That’s cheating, kissing me when I’m not paying attention.”

“All’s fair in love and war,”  you quipped, settling beside him and retrieving your own plate. “I hope you like it. Plus, there’s a surprise for after if you still have room.”

Your focus shifted to your plate, but Dean’s stayed firmly on you. His gaze softened as he took you in—the way a few strands of your hair fell across your face, the slight flush in your cheeks, the way your smile lingered as you picked at your food. You were so damned beautiful it made his heart swell with love. How the hell did I get so damn lucky? “Are you gonna at least taste it, or just stare at me while I eat?” you teased, looking up at him with a playful glint in your eyes as you took a bite of bacon.

Dean shook his head in amusement, deciding this was, by far, his favorite morning ever with you. “Just admiring the view,” he said smoothly, a smirk tugging at his lips.

When he did finally start eating, the happy groans and moans of satisfaction that he made filled the room, and had your heart speeding up a little at a time. “This is amazing,” he mumbled through a mouthful of food, pulling laughter from you with how adorable he got.

During breakfast, there was laughter, stolen glances, and both of you felt that anticipation for different reasons. There were also no interruptions, letting the two of you memorize how it all felt and enjoy the intimacy of breakfast in bed together. He loved the way your eyes danced with your laughter. And you loved how he looked at you when he thought you didn’t notice.

When he polished off his plate, Dean set the tray on the floor next to the bed. He drained the last of his coffee and set the cup down on the nightstand. “I know it’s my birthday, but you didn’t have to cook,” he told you, his voice soft, but he had savored every bite he’d taken.

You popped the last piece of bacon in your mouth, savoring the crisp, smoky flavor before moving your plate to the nightstand. When your eyes met his, a soft smile curled your lips. “I know. If I didn’t want to do it, I wouldn’t have. Just like when you cook for us,” you pointed out teasingly, your tone light. “Would you like your surprise now?”

Dean leaned back slightly, tapping a finger on his chin in mock contemplation. The playful gesture made a quiet laugh bubble out of you. “What if I just want that kiss now?” he countered, his eyes glinting with mischief. But beneath that, something deeper lingered—a yearning that made your breath catch. “I am supposed to kiss the cook, right?” The smirk that found his lips parted your own as your breath quickened.

It took a beat too long to shake off the pull of his gaze, to force yourself to think clearly. Your thoughts tumbled over themselves as you steadied your voice. “Will you at least look at the surprise I have for you? Then I’ll give you that kiss,” you bargained, hoping he’d be patient just a little bit longer.

Dean couldn’t quite put his finger on the look in your eyes or your emotions as they mixed with his. His green eyes searched yours, unable to formulate the question he wanted to ask you. “Yeah,” he sighed, relenting on pushing you further. He wanted to tell you that all he wanted to do was hold you close, kiss you with everything he felt, but he wasn’t about to push you.

You saw and felt it all—hope, longing, and the faintest threat of worry—frowning only for a moment before you smiled and pecked him quickly on the cheek. “It’ll be worth it, I promise,” you told him quickly, then got out of bed. 

Again, he watched you go, then rubbed a hand through his still-messy hair, trying to figure out what else you could have possibly done in the early morning hours while he’d slept. In the kitchen, your hands trembled as you studied the cake. The word ‘Yes,’ carefully traced in icing, stared back at you, and your stomach twisted in a knot of excitement and fear. After a shaky breath, you grabbed two small plates and forks, then carefully balanced his cake in your hands.

“Close your eyes,” you called from just outside the doorway, standing just out of view.

Dean grumbled lightly but obliged, his lids shutting as he shifted on the bed. “Alright, they’re closed,” he muttered, though the faintest smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. You could feel his anticipation humming through the connection, a low buzz that matched your own, even if they were for different reasons.

First, you peeked your head into the room to make sure, then bit your bottom lip as you slipped inside. The plates clinked softly as you set them on your side of the bed. Then, carefully, you placed the cake on the bed in front of him and settled down across from it, the mattress dipping beneath your weight. “Okay, you can open ‘em,” you said, your voice bright with excitement, though your hands fidgeted in your lap.

He opened one eye first, locking onto you. His other eye followed, slightly confused. A moment later, he looked down, finding the cake. His brow furrowed as he tilted his head, reading the single word scrawled on the cake. It made his mind race with what it could mean. The longer he stayed quiet, the more your smile fell. When his gaze finally lifted back to you, the frown that tugged at your lips made his chest tighten.

“Talk to me,” he said gently, his hand reaching out to cradle your cheek. His thumb brushed over your skin, a grounding touch as he tried to unravel the sadness now bleeding through the bond because you’d been so happy all morning. “What’s wrong?”

Your eyes flicked between his, searching for reassurance. “It’s the answer to the question you asked me, that I never answered,” you admitted, your voice small, too shy to say it out loud. About being your girlfriend, your whispered words drifted through his mind.

Dean’s face softened with joy, his thumb brushing over your cheek before his hands cupped your face gently. Without hesitation, he leaned in and kissed you, his lips brushing yours with a tenderness that made your heart skip. You tilted your head just a bit so you could be just that much closer, reminding yourself that the cake was still between the two of you. Dean had had plenty of birthdays, but this was definitely at the top of the list as his favorite.

The kiss deepened slowly, a dance of lips that was all warmth and affection. With careful hands, you moved the plates and the cake to your side of the bed. Without breaking the tender rhythm of the kiss, you moved closer, now on your knees in front of him, as close as you could get with how he was sitting. But that didn’t stop Dean. He let his hands find your waist, gently pulling you to straddle his lap.

There was no rush as he held you close, enjoying the warmth of your embrace, the softness of your lips, and the love that wrapped his soul in a blanket. His heart was pounding, but he wouldn’t push anything this morning. He never did. Even if all he got to do was hold you like this, he’d consider this the best birthday ever.

Instead of wrapping your arms around the back of his neck like you typically would, you slipped them beneath his arms, around his back. The anxiety tightened a little around your chest, but you focused on Dean, on the love he had for you, and his hope for the future.

With your eyes closed, you let your hands explore him, like they had done several times before, but this time, your touch was a bit more intimate. He tried not to get lost in how your hands felt, even over his shirt, but a quiet groan slipped past his lips, consumed in the kiss. Gingerly, you slid your hands down his sides, feeling how his muscles flexed under your touch. It made you smile against his lips before you took that leap of faith, finding the hem of his shirt.

The moment your fingers touched his skin, he took a sharp inhale. He’d only been holding you, not wanting to push you that morning, truly being grateful for what you’d already done. However, the way your fingers teased his flesh sent warmth through his body, making his heart quicken. Dean didn’t pull away, though, deciding to go only as far as you’d let him, slowly allowing his hands to slip along your back, then take a moment and rest on your hips. 

You never pulled away, even when he slid his hands under your shirt over your thighs, finding your hips again. This time, though, he let his thumb brush against your skin just above the waistband of your sleep shorts. The sensation made your skin tingle and your body warm. A leap of faith, you mentally reminded yourself but didn’t share it with Dean.

There was no rush for either of you. Sure, the two of you had made out a few times, but both your hands always stayed above clothes. The one time Dean had attempted to, you’d stopped him, so he never pushed again, respecting your boundary. Right now, though, feeling your soft hands tentatively exploring his muscles was more than he thought he could take. It was when you slowly tried to take his shirt off that he gently stopped you, placing his hands on your arms. “Sweetheart, if you do that, I’m gonna have to take care of myself, or it’ll be painful,” he told you softly, his breathing a little heavier, knowing how difficult it would be just to pull away. Then there was how his body responded to you when he would attempt to control it.

You did understand what he meant. He had explained it before to you. Instead of saying anything right away, you reached up and cupped his cheek, a soft smile on your lips. “Dean, I want to be with you. I’m your birthday present.”

For a moment, all he could do was look at you, somewhat puzzled. He didn’t want to assume anything, even with feeling your emotions through the connection. Yeah, he could tell you were nervous, but he’d also completely forgotten about the cake too.

Seeing and feeling his confusion, you chuckled a little, then gently moved his head so he could look at the cake on your side of the bed. “You did still want me to be your girlfriend, right?” you asked softly as he read those three letters on the top of his cake before looking at you again.

“Well, yes,” he replied, still slightly confused.

“I’m your birthday present,” you repeated just as softly as before. “All of me. I want to be with you, mind, soul, and body.”

Dean tried so hard to contain the rush of emotions—excitement, desire, love, passion—but you felt all of them like a tidal wave through the connection. He set his hand over yours, then kissed your palm as you took a shaky breath. It almost felt hard to breathe as you looked into his eyes.

“Then I’m going to unwrap you slowly and enjoy every inch of you,” he whispered, sending goosebumps down your entire body. The thought alone made his cock twitch in his sweatpants.

He helped you off his lap, so you sat on the bed near where he was. You watched him as he got up and moved all the foodstuff to the top of the dresser. His movements had a purpose, and you couldn’t help but watch how his muscles flexed with each of them. The moment he turned and looked over at you, his breath caught in his chest.

The innocence in your eyes mixed with so many other emotions that swirled through the connection had his heart pounding and his breathing shallow. God, you’re so beautiful. His whispered thought brought a light blush to your cheeks as you ducked your head a little. Dean could tell you were nervous, but he could also tell that you really did want this.

Before he returned to the bed, sitting in front of you, he had removed his shirt. So, when you looked back up at him, your lips parted at the sight, unable to stop your tongue from wetting them. You’d never seen him without a shirt before, and it took your breath away. The movement caught his attention for a moment before his gaze returned to yours.

A soft smile found his lips as he reached down to the hem of your shirt, his eyes never leaving yours, slowly sliding it up, his fingers teasing your skin in feather-light touches along the way. A quiet chuckle made him smile when you shivered, seeing the goosebumps dance along your skin from his touch. 

Dean had played out plenty of fantasies in his mind, especially since the day he had found you on the bathroom floor, naked. The moment froze when he tossed your shirt somewhere on the floor, and your hands rested on his chest. 

You could feel his heart beating as quickly as yours. His breathing was both shallow but a little faster. Every time that fear and anxiety tried to wrap around your chest, you focused on him and the emotions he was feeling that danced with yours. Just as his hands traveled slowly down your arms, his lips found yours again in another tender kiss. He inhaled deeply through his nose the moment your hands began exploring him again, and it took everything in him not to just devour you. With one hand on the middle of your back, he gently laid you back, onto the mattress with him half lying over you, half next to you. 

The way his skin felt against yours was comforting in a way you needed, warm and reassuring. It was the way he touched you that took your breath away. He hadn’t been kidding when he said he was going to unwrap you slowly and enjoy every inch of you. Everywhere his hands explored left your skin tingling and your body wanting. This was far more intense than any makeout session the two of you had had.

His lips eventually left yours, trailing kisses down your jawline, then your neck. You’re so beautiful, his whispered words soothed you further, the fear slipping further away as hope began taking its place within you. Dean found a spot on your neck that made your back arch slightly off the bed, pushing your chest against his as you held onto him. I’m going to find all those spots.

When the quiet moan slipped past your lips, he sucked gently on that spot, your nails digging slightly into his back. He couldn’t help but smirk against your skin, knowing there’d be a mark where his lips were. Then he slowly trailed kisses across your collarbone and shoulder, letting you catch your breath for a moment while his hand rested on your hip. 

Fantasies were nothing in comparison to the feeling of his lips, breath, and hands on your skin. The further down his lips went, the warmer your body got as you felt your walls flutter the moment his tongue found your nipple. You gasped, not quite prepared for how different the sensation would be from when you would please yourself. Breathe, Sweetheart. I’ve got you. Again, his whispered thought helped you take a shaky breath and focus only on him and the moment.

Dean shifted his body so that he was more over you, propping himself up on his elbows before he gently took a breast in each hand. He wasn’t rough. This was your first time, and he wanted you to enjoy it just as much as he was enjoying you. When you tried to keep quiet out of embarrassment, his whispered words were comforting you again. It’s okay to be loud. It’s just us. I love those sounds you make.

He swirled his tongue around your nipple, your nails gently raking across his back, and this time, didn’t stifle the moan. It felt better not to try to be quiet, almost like it allowed you to enjoy the pleasure more. Dean groaned happily, hearing your moan, feeling your nails on his skin and the way your body pressed against his. 

After he felt he’d given one side plenty of attention, he kissed his way to your other breast, teasing that nipple how he had the other. He used his thumb and forefinger on the nub he had already teased with his tongue, relishing in the sounds that you made. 

It almost felt like it was too much but also like it wasn’t enough. You could feel his hardening length against your thigh, since he was lying over one of your legs. Instinctively, your hips moved against him as your walls clenched around nothing, and that coil within you began tightening. 

“Dean…” you moaned semi-quietly, begging for something you weren’t entirely sure of but knew you needed, wanted.

He looked up at you, releasing your nipple from his warm mouth, letting his hand continue to tease you. The way your emotions danced with his made everything that much more intense for him. He’d been with women over the years, but this was something he knew he’d never get tired of—feeling your desire mix with his.

Dean reluctantly slid his hands down your sides, his lips leaving a trail of fire down your abdomen as you again attempted to catch your breath. He slowed down a little more when he reached the hem of your sleep shorts, his fingers teasing just under the waistband as he looked up at you. May I? 

You looked down at him, then bit your bottom lip at the sight. The love and desire he felt for you was evident in the way he was looking at you. You took a shaky breath as he rested his chin gently against the area just above your mound, bringing a small smile to your lips. I love you, your whispered thought brought a smile to his lips that matched your own. You knew he wouldn’t go any further unless you let him know it was okay. Yes.

He licked his lips, pulling his bottom one between his teeth for a moment as he steadied himself. His cock was already hard, twitching with nearly every sound that you made. However, you were his present, and he was going to do exactly what he’d stated earlier. With tentative hands, he began removing your sleep shorts, groaning at the fact that you weren’t wearing underwear.

Again, he shifted as he removed your sleep shorts, letting his hands explore your body as he did so. He made a mental note of places that made your breath hitch, and once your shorts were off, he explored those with his mouth. You knew you were going to have hickeys in several places, but the thought made you smile as he mapped every inch of your body.

Before he went further, he rocked back on his knees near the foot of the bed and looked down at you, taking in your beauty. Then, mentally thanking his mother for packing the condoms in his bag she had all those months ago. “Don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right back,” he told you softly before heading out of the room.

Your brows knitted together in slight confusion as to why he’d need to leave. The thought of protection hadn’t even crossed your mind until he returned with the box in hand. You instantly felt bad for not even considering that part, which had him lying next to you the moment he set the box down on the nightstand.

He pulled you close, then tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “None of that. My mom packed those when we first came down here. She had really high hopes back then,” he chuckled softly, kissing your forehead. “You’re amazing, and you don’t need to feel bad for not thinking of everything.”

Let me love you, his whispered words drifted through your mind as his lips met yours, tenderly helping calm the storm that threatened to take hold. You allowed his emotions to wrap around you like a warm blanket, but the moment you felt his hand slipping between your legs, it was like an explosion of colors in your mind.

Dean moved slowly, lovingly, intimately, paying attention to how your body responded to his touch. The sounds that left your lips as his finger gently teased your clit were music to his ears and gasoline on the fire in his body. He gently pushed your thighs apart to give him more access as his lips trailed down your body again. As he moved lower, your fingers tangled in his hair, your nails gently scraping against his scalp. He nipped your skin near your hip lovingly, your body seeking his touch as he continued down and along your inner thigh. With this being your first time, he wanted you to be comfortable, so he was going to stick to simple things. The two of you could explore other things another time.

He positioned himself between your legs, gently spreading your thighs a little further apart as he watched the expressions on your face. At first, he licked his tongue along your folds, then over your clit, your grip tightening in his hair as a more guttural moan left your lips. My god, you’re delicious, his whispered words teased your mind as your walls clenched around nothing.

“Dean… please…” you moaned, needing more with the raging inferno he’d lit within you. 

His happiness pulsed through the connection, mixing with his desire took your breath away almost as much as what he was physically doing to your body. The moment he wrapped his lips around your clit and gently sucked it into his mouth, there was no keeping quiet in any way. Your eyes were closed, but his were on you, watching the way you responded to everything he did.

He made light, gentle movements over your clit. Then, he would swirl his tongue in a figure eight. Dean also noticed one spot on the side of your clit that if he added just a little extra pressure and moved his tongue in an almost lapping motion, you quickly became a squirming, moaning, whimpering mess. With his right arm, he put it over your thigh, then snaked his hand up to find your nipple, tweaking it just the right way. He allowed your pleasure to guide his movements as it danced with his own while he watched you come undone.

You were close, so close that it was driving you almost crazy. Dean… Please… So close… It was like you couldn’t make words anymore, but your thoughts drifted through his mind. He doubled his efforts with his mouth as he slid two fingers deep inside you as that coil snapped instantly, his fingers barely brushing against that spot deep inside.

When you screamed his name and your walls spasmed around his fingers, he moaned deeply against your clit, wanting to feel that around his cock. But he would wait and ride you through the waves of pleasure as they coursed through your body. As you began to come down, he slowed his movements, taking care to be gentle with you, but god, he wanted to be inside you. You were breathing heavily as your grip in his hair slowly loosened, and your hand fell to rest on your thigh. When you felt him rest his chin on your abdomen again, you looked down at him.

There was desire in his eyes, but the love there was what made you want to cry. In an instant, he was back beside you, just holding you close as you fought back tears. “Shhh… It’s okay. I’ve got you,” he whispered, cradling your head against his chest as you curled against him. “I’m sor-,” you almost apologized, then sniffled a little. “I never thought I’d have this,” you whispered.

Dean held you for a few moments, soothing the overwhelming emotions that coursed through you. He was just thankful that the fear you typically battled wasn’t among them. When you slowly pulled back to look up at him, he smiled when he saw that you were smiling up at him.

You reached up and gently pulled his face closer to yours, closing your eyes before kissing him. It was just as tender and intimate as the kiss that started this. I still want this with you, your whispered thought danced through his mind as his hands began exploring you again, soothing the tension that had found your muscles.

This time, though, your hand moved down his side, and, without warning, slipped past the waistband of his sweatpants. He moaned into your mouth when your hand brushed against his cock. Even with your inexperience, your hand felt amazing wrapped around his shaft. Dean bucked his hips gently, urging you to move your hand, so you did. 

As you awkwardly attempted to touch and please him, he expertly teased you. Although, you moved your leg so he had better access as he slid two fingers inside you, his thumb rubbing circles over your clit. Please, I want to be inside you, he mentally pleaded when he couldn’t take it anymore and felt how close you were again.

You pulled away from his lips as your hand stilled, making his cock twitch. You didn’t even need to ask him to be gentle or go slow. It was in his eyes and his emotions, soothing any worry or doubt that tried to creep up. For a moment, you bit your bottom lip, trying to hide a smile, but he hooked his fingers inside of you and pressed on that spot that arched your back and pulled a deep moan out of you.

Dean leaned closer, “I can hit that spot with more than just my fingers,” he whispered before nibbling on your earlobe, making you groan at the mere thought. 

“Tease,” you mumbled playfully, making him smile wide.

He teased that spot a bit more, loving the way you squirmed and tried to pull him closer. This was something he knew he’d never get tired of seeing. With one last tease along your neck, he finally removed his fingers before he slipped off the bed. You watched him as you rubbed your thighs together and turned to where he stood. When he slipped his sweatpants off, your lips parted slightly at the sight of him, unable to keep from licking your lips. Dean chuckled, wondering briefly if you’d be up for learning how to suck cock, but pushed the thought away. Today, you were his present, and he was going to enjoy you as much as you’d let him.

He grabbed a condom out of the box, expertly opened it, and then rolled it over the head of his cock and then down his shaft. You made a mental note of how he had done that, wondering if you could perhaps have him show you so you could put one on him another time. But that thought didn’t last long before he was lying over you again. You hadn’t even realized that you had spread your legs instinctually so he could nestle himself between them.

Dean propped himself up on his elbows as he kissed you tenderly, his cock pressing against your folds, the tip against your clit. He slowly rocked his hips, teasing the both of you further. “I’ll go slow,” he whispered softly against your lips, kissing you tenderly. 

Technically, you weren’t a virgin, having broken your own hymen with your fingers years ago. You’d just never been with anyone, and the last thing he wanted to do was accidentally hurt you. He wanted you to enjoy this as much as he was, more if possible. With one hand, he reached down between your bodies, lining the head up with your entrance.

When he pulled back from your lips, he looked into your eyes, searching again for any hint of hesitation or fear, but found none. It was just that nervousness of inexperience. Slowly, he slid the tip inside, leaning his head in the crook of your neck. You weren’t tight, not like a true virgin would be, not painfully tight.

You felt like a warm, welcoming hug. Dean had to take a moment so he didn’t just bury himself deep inside you in one swift motion. God, you feel so damn good, his words weren’t so much a whisper in your mind. You took a shaky breath, wanting to feel him deeper. Slowly, you slid your hands down his sides to his hips, pulling him closer to you. You both groaned the further inside you he slid. He was far larger than any toy you had used, but god, did he feel amazing. 

“I’m okay,” you whispered, just holding him close. His face still nuzzled in the crook of your neck as your walls fluttered around his cock, getting used to the feeling of him inside you. Dean was utterly thankful for the condom, as it took away some of the feelings, or he swore he would have come the moment he had bottomed out.

When he caught his breath, he looked down at you, love and adoration mirrored in each other eyes before his lips met yours in another tender, loving kiss. Then, he began moving, slowly, letting you get used to the feeling. He swallowed your moans and whimpers, relishing in the feeling of your body pressing against his whenever your back arched off the bed.

The coil was still wound tight and only got worse with each thrust. Dean gripped your hip gently, encouraging you to move your hips like you had when you straddled his lap in the past. When you did, it pushed him just that much deeper, and he hit that spot in just the right way, making you gasp.

He sped up, just enough to heighten the pleasure, and he had to pull away from your lips just to be able to take a deep breath. Your walls clenching and unclenching around his cock was the most intense feeling he’d felt. Then there were the sounds coming out of your delicious mouth, utterly erotic and like music he wanted to play on repeat.

So… close…, your thought played through his mind as if you had moaned it out loud, making him nearly come in that instant. Dean leaned back, both his hands on your hips, and angled them up a bit more. You rolled them against him with every thrust, and after three strokes, you were screaming his name as colors exploded behind your lids.

Dean could barely keep a rhythm when your walls began fluttering around his cock, milking him. There was no holding back as he spilled his seed into the condom while he tried to help you ride out the waves of your orgasm. He partially collapsed on you but held up most of his weight.

The two of you were breathing heavily, hearts pounding, but neither of you wanted to move away from the other. So, you wrapped your arms around him and just held him close for now. Time stilled as you focused on him and the connection between the two of you. Love wasn’t a strong enough word for what wrapped around both your souls.

“I hate to do it, Sweetheart, but I have to take the condom off,” he half mumbled, half grumbled, and wondered how you would feel about possibly getting on birth control. He wanted to feel you.

You giggled, then kissed him on the cheek just as he managed to make his body move so he could look down at you. “It’s okay, and I don’t mind getting on birth control.” Dean’s eyes went wide, then his brow knitted itself together, the need to remove the condom forgotten for a moment. “Did you just…” he practically whispered as more half-thought questions raced through his head.

“Throw the condom away and come back to bed,” you replied with a slightly giddy smile.

He huffed a little, gave you a quick kiss, then slipped out of you, both of you already missing the feeling of being connected like that. You watched him, happier than you had felt in your entire life. His confusion, curiosity, and intrigue all danced through the connection, but it was his half-questions in your mind that made you giddy. 

You’re adorable.

The moment those words danced through Dean’s mind, he came back into the bedroom, the condom discarded. They hadn’t been whispered. It had been as if you’d spoken them out loud. “That’s new,” he chuckled, sliding into the bed beside you.

“Looks like I’m gonna have to practice that bubble thing Pamela told me about more. You might want to practice it too, or you’ll never be able to keep a secret from me,” you replied as a smirk found your lips.

A devilish smirk found his lips as mischief danced in his eyes. “Perhaps I will. But for now, I think you seeing and hearing what goes on in my head might just be okay,” he replied in a low, seductively teasing tone before his lips found yours again.

You giggled as you returned the kiss, your arm snaking over his shoulder and into his hair. The playful moment stretched for the two of you, just enjoying being this close. When he did pull away, he was still smirking.

“Since you’re my birthday present, I think I’m going to spend the entire day enjoying you,” he whispered, his voice low and teasing. Your eyes widened, but the flush that bloomed across your skin betrayed the thrill his words sparked. By now, the cake was long forgotten, at least for now.

The two of you spent most of the day tangled in each other, the world outside your door fading into irrelevance. Dean took full advantage of you being his birthday present, though he was never anything but loving and attentive. When the two of you weren’t in bed, you were wrapped in one of his shirts, the fabric soft against your skin, while he roamed around in boxers. It was the most relaxed the two of you had been around each other since you’d met so many months ago.

He would playfully tease you, being far bolder now that your fear was gone. So, you would do the same, and he relished in it. The way you threw his words back at him with playful smirks and quick comebacks only made him grin wider. Or, when you’d sneak up on him and rake your nails over his bare skin, sending a tantalizing shiver down his spine. 

Dean took time and taught you things you didn’t fully understand due to never having experienced them, and you listened with rapped attention. It was a little easier now, though, since you could see images or things that played out in his mind, and he could do the same with you when you shared them with him.

Dean eventually got around to his cake, but he wouldn’t let you get a slice on your plate. Instead, he fed you bites from his as the two of you sat on the couch that evening. Some movie was playing in the background, but your attention was on him, and his was on you. There were a few days he had wished would last forever or that he could relive over and over again. However, today took the top spot, and he knew he’d never forget it.

He made love to you that night, tenderly, using the bubble technique so that your desire didn’t push his over the edge. Hell, he had enough trouble trying to control his own. Adding yours to the mix made him feel like a damned teenager going through puberty when he had no control over his cock at all. 

Afterward when you had curled against his chest as the two of you laid on your sides, you kissed just above his heart. You knew that fear was an emotion you could never get rid of. Some fear was healthy, but you’d never be afraid like you had been before. Afraid to love. Afraid to hope. Afraid to let go. Dean had taught you how to do all those things, just by being himself and loving you.

Drifting off to sleep, you briefly wondered why Pamela had told you and Dean to stay in the bunker for three days following his birthday. If Cole was in custody by the PP&P, what did the two of you have to worry about? What else had Pamela seen that she didn’t say? Dean pulled you just a little closer, tightening his arm around you. 

“Relax. We’re safe down here. Get some sleep,” he murmured sleepily.

It was dark. The air felt heavy, the kind of weight that pressed against your chest and made it hard to breathe. You blinked, trying to orient yourself. The first thing you noticed was the faint rumble of an engine beneath you, steady and low. It felt disorienting, like you weren’t really there, just watching. You were in the front seat of some sort of truck, though everything around you seemed oddly muted, like watching a grainy old film. You furrowed your brow, confusion creeping in as you took in your surroundings. There were two men in the front seat, one on either side of you, both decked out in tactical gear. Even with the dim light of the dash, you couldn’t make out their features, like they were cloaked in shadow. It was an odd feeling, like you were only half there, observing another place entirely.  Turning, you noticed a small window with bars on it and a glass window covering them. Slowly, you leaned closer, peering inside, nearly gasping when your eyes landed on the figure in the back. Something in the back of your mind told you it was Cole, even if you couldn’t make out his features in the darkness. He was sitting halfway down the bench seat along the driver's side, leaning against the wall. His head was tilted forward slightly, like he was contemplating his fate. It was hard to make out details, but you could see that he was cuffed. Then, somehow, you were back there, sitting opposite him. Further details came into focus. His wrists were bound with heavy cuffs, the chains attached to his ankles rattling faintly as he shifted. One chain was bolted to the floor, anchoring him in place, while the other tethered his wrists and ankles together, the cuffs there just as heavy as the ones on his wrists. The restraints looked brutal, as though designed to break any illusion of freedom. Light began filtering in through the window in the back doors of the vehicle. You still weren’t sure what kind it was. So, you stood up, going to the glass windows to see what you could. Nothing seemed to be in sharp focus, not like things had when Missouri had looked through your memories, and it was clear to you this wasn’t a dream because you were more of a spectator instead of being a part of it. Just as you looked out the window, the scene changed, and you were outside, on the side of the road. The air was crisp, biting against your skin. The large truck you had been in was on its side, smoke coming from the engine, but it didn’t look very damaged. There was another vehicle parked near the back of it, its headlights cutting through the darkness. You didn’t see the two men who had been in the front of the truck, so you moved to go look in the back. That was when things came into focus: the vehicle parked nearby, the figure in the back that was standing over the shackled man. A moment from the courtroom flashed in front of you of the same man who was now standing over the shackled man. You’d seen him there, sitting on the side for the Vaughts.  You didn’t know his name, just his face. He had been the only dark-skinned man in the courtroom that day. He loomed over Cole, his posture brimming with purpose. The man then looked through the glass to the cab, moving quickly from the back of the truck and to the passenger side door since that was the only one accessible.  Then, there were red and blue flashing lights in the distance. You heard the man cuss under his breath before getting in his car and driving away quickly, the license plate in sharp definition: TRI 208 with Michigan plates. 

Slowly, your eyes opened, the darkness of your room coming into focus. Dean’s steady breathing, warm body, and gentle embrace kept you grounded as you took slow, deep breaths. “It’s not over,” you whispered, more to yourself. 

----------------------------------------- Chapter 34 - Will be up as soon as I have it written. Thanks for being patient everyone.

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[twilight-orchid]

The Genesis of Evolution - Jason Todd x Reader part 1/?

Words: 7’000

Warning!!! Content warnings for this series will include mental illness, reference to past trauma, smoking, cursing, drinking, kidnapping, drugging, torture, expirimentation, murder, and gore. If you're under 18 or don't like dark stories I'd sit this one out. Also there's a lot you have to take as fact for yourself in regards to past experiences for the story to work, enough that y/n is almost their own OC, but I still thought most people would prefer to read it in an x reader format. So, sorry about that! However, the reader is still gender neutral.

Also, writing like this is a newer hobby for me so I have no clue how fast I'll get parts out or even how long it'll be. Kinda just rolling with it rn, but I’ll try to be fast. I REALLY was not expecting this part to be 7,000 words, I hope it's not boring!

Overview: You had always struggled with mental illness, and when you saw an opportunity for experimental therapy promising positive results, you want to jump on it. Your boyfriend of several years, Jason Todd, doesn’t like it from the get go. But unfortunately the truth is deeper and darker than either of you ever expected or dared imagine.

Jason stands atop a neighboring apartment building after patrol, muscles aching from the fights of that night and the several days prior with sweat clinging to his skin and suit. He has his helmet slid up enough to reveal his lips, taking a long drag of a cigarette in an attempt to quell the shaking in his hands and pounding heart. He closes his eyes as the smoke fills his lungs, listening to the music of the city that was Gotham. Even at 3 AM, it was a conglomeration of honking cars, the yelling voices of civilians, the squealing of police and ambulance sirens, and the never-ending cooing of pigeons that hung around the apartment. It was familiar, grounding, and he was thankful for the distraction.

This had been a problem for months. He knew he needed to go home. He needed to change, shower, tend to the gash on his side, rest, and the dog needed to be taken care of too. He had to be at the garage in the morning and his commute bike was parked out front of the complex. It didn't make sense to go out of his way to a safe house. But fuck, he didn't want to step foot in that apartment.

Being home had been difficult since you went missing 3 months ago. The space was full of pieces of you; photos, trinkets, decor, even the damn dish set you two bought together last year made him think of you. He felt your absence in every square inch, every corner. Though he could easily fill the bed if he sprawled out on it, without the sound of your sleep and your weight at his side it felt too big, too empty.

“Dammnit.” He muttered, letting the nicotine numb his frayed mind and nerves. It was like you dropped off the face of the earth. He looked everywhere, but you were gone like sand slipping through his fingers in the desert wind. He had always sworn to protect you, but he failed you, like he should have guessed he would. He could still remember the excitement in your expression as you ran up to him about 5 months ago while he was making dinner in the kitchen.

You had an ad for Biolite Psychiatric Hospital on your phone, which you explained to him was a nonprofit Metropolis-based psych ward that was looking for volunteers for its experimental hypnotherapy research. Patients who had been accepted and come out of the program gave the facility great reviews, and spoke highly of both the hypnotherapy and Biolite’s specialized EMDR therapy. However, something about it bothered Jason.

☆☆☆

“Babe.” He said softly, taking your phone and placing it on the counter. He lowered the heat on the stove to give you a bit more time to talk, then gently layed his hands on your shoulders.

“You don't need to go off to some in-patient facility and do bullshit untested therapies alright? You're perfect just how you are.” He didn't miss the irritation that crossed your features but he couldn't help it. He liked you here at his side, not an hour drive away in Superman’s territory where he couldn't watch you. His green eyes were pleading as they look down at you, begging you not to fight him. Luck was not on his side that day, however.

“I’m a mess, Jason. We both know that. I can barely leave the house without my anxiety becoming crippling, I have almost no control of my mood swings, I have panic attacks at work, I can’t focus, I'm just tired of it. Aren't you?”

“I love you how you are, no matter what.” He responded automatically, not needing to think about it but meaning it with every fiber of his being all the same.

“But wouldn't you prefer to love me without needing to drop everything to help me when I have an episode? Holding me when I sob over something I created in my head or walk on eggshells when I'm irritable and snapping at you? Go on patrol without worrying what my mental state is like at home? I'm a fucking nightmare, Jay!”

“First of all, you're not a nightmare. Loving you is a privilege I'm thankful for. Second, may I remind you, you ain't talkin to the most stable person himself. I don’t see you holdin me to these standards you set for yourself for ‘ease of interaction’. And that’s not what this relationship is about baby.” He said with a strained smile. “Third, I don't get tired of it. I'm glad to be someone you trust, happy that I can help you.” You didn't meet his eyes, and he could tell you were still not convinced. Damn.

“We’re in a relationship, we’re supposed to be partners. You shouldn't have to baby me and my emotions as much as you do.” You argued stubbornly, your eyes growing glossy.

“Hey, don't put words in my mouth.” He said sternly, his thumbs drawing circles into your shoulders where he held you. “You're not a baby. You're not a burden, you're not pathetic, you're not a bad person or a bad partner or whatever you're telling yourself that I know you've told yourself in the past. None of its true. What is true is that I love you, exactly how you are.” Tears finally tip over your cheeks and he lifts a hand to your face, touch feather-light as he wiped them away.

“I appreciate you, and thank you for saying that, but… I want to do this. For me. I'm tired of feeling like this. If there's a chance to overcome my issues and just exist contentedly… or even just find some level of peace beyond what I have now, I want to pursue it. Their slogan is that you'll ‘leave a better version of you’. I need that Jay.” Your glimmering eyes meet his, silently begging him to understand. And while he didn't like it, he did get it. He really did. He sighs, his grip dropping back to hold your arms.

“Then… let me look into it a little bit first. Hardly a corporation in Metropolis Luthor hasn't dipped his dick in, lemme make sure they're clean. Please?” You nodded immediately, knowing that was a smart idea and wanting to ease his mind.

“Of course. Thank you Jay.” You gently broke free of his grip to wrap your arms around him. You held him tight and buried your head into his chest, the steady pounding of his heart a blanket of familiarity. “You’re always looking out for me.” You mumbled. He wrapped his arms around you in return, laying a kiss on your head.

“I’ll always be here for you baby.”

☆☆☆

The memory stings like acid to a fresh wound and he pushes it away, taking another drag of his cigarette. He watched the smoke curl around his head, and for the millionth time tried to imagine what happened to you.

He'd looked into Biolite Psychiatric Holdings, a nonprofit enterprise owned by Metropolis philanthropist, billionaire, and apparent altruist Howard Miller. He opened Biolite Psychiatric Hospital in 2021 and, while it started out as a regular psychiatric hospital, it's doctors began working on specialized therapies shortly after opening, gaining them quite the reputation rather quickly. Miller gained his fortune through his pharmaceutical and research company, Biolite Labs, which had made several breakthroughs in the medical field since it's founding in 2011. It seemed squeaky clean, and people who went through the therapy gave it outstandingly positive reviews. He even checked Miller as much as he could and saw no red flags, beyond what he expected to find in a billionaire’s dirty laundry. All in all, a good company doing good work.

He didn't know why he felt reluctant to share his findings with you, or rather the lack thereof. He chalked it up to being overprotective again, something he'd promised you he'd work on reigning in. This was a reputable facility, where you'd be under 24/7 surveillance. Hell, you'd probably be safer there than in the apartment.

Despite this, he remembered how even your excitement to his findings didn't lift the weight in his chest. He hid it behind a smile though, and you didn't seem to pick up on it. You called their number that afternoon, and were set up for an evaluation later that week. He considered asking you not to go, forgetting this mess, ordering takeout, and watching movies tangled in each other's arms all night instead. But he knew that wouldn't solve anything, and he didn't want you to think he didn't support you. He wanted to, he really did, but the thought of you being gone for “an undisclosed and variable amount of time” doing experimental treatments really rubbed him the wrong way. However, he'd kept his mouth shut as this was the most lively he'd seen you in a while. You really thought going there would make you better, and you really wanted that for yourself, so damnit if he didn't want it too.

You'd returned from that meeting hopeful and excited, gushing about the state-of-the-art facility and how kind the staff was. They had said you were exactly the kind of person they were looking for and they believed they could help you. To his dismay, they also already had a bed available. Thus, a few days later he was helping lug your bags into your car. You'd packed about a week's worth of clothes, some books, a notebook, a sketchpad, approved toiletries, and soon were on your way to Metropolis.

Jason drove, he'd requested to come with you wanting to see you off and look at the building himself. He kept a hand on your thigh as he drove, thumb rubbing circles absentmindedly. He tried to keep his face neutral as you rambled about what they'd told you at the eval for the hundredth time. He wanted to be supportive, but he was struggling to hide the stress that was overcoming him. He attributed it to separation anxiety, not wanting to be apart from you for long.

"…they said they only medicate enough to help you function. The majority of the work is in therapy and coping skills. They have an experimental form of hypnotherapy, which is what the ad was for, but they also do specialized EMDR therapy…” You stop talking, noting the crease in his brow. “Jason.” His brows shoot up, eyes darting to you for a moment like he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar before returning to the road.

“Yeah babe?” He asked, feigning nonchalance.

“I’m gonna be fine.” You assured softly, placing your hand over his where it lay on your knee. “You yourself said they were safe, the facility was really fancy when I did my intake, the staff was super nice, this is our chance for a fresh start.” He nodded and forced a smile on his face.

“I know babe. Just gonna miss ya is all.” You gave him a sad smile, squeezing his hand.

“I'll miss you too. But they said we're allowed to make calls before lights out. I promise I'll call every night.”

After 2 months Jason once got a late call, around 9:00. He'd been pacing in the apartment when 8:30 passed, then 8:45, each minute dragging like hours. Logically, he knew nothing had happened as he was your emergency contact. If you were hurt, they'd call him. But the feeling of dread he'd felt before you left had only compounded and intensified as time had gone on. The more nights he went to bed alone, the more he wondered if he made a mistake in not putting up more of a fight in letting you go. Even if it was helpful, it was experimental therapy. What if it did more harm than good long term? He picked up the phone the moment the hospital number popped up, his heart frozen in his chest as he dispelled his thoughts.

And you had. Every night around 8:30 he got a call from their landline. You’d talk about your days, trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy despite the situation. From what you told Jason, at first it had seemed like regular psych ward stuff. Basic CBT and DBT with med management. After about a month you began EDMR therapy with the specific combination of medication and talk therapy that they had become famous for. While that was helpful, it was after a month and a half when they introduced the hypnotherapy that you told him you were really seeing a difference. You said you walked out of the first session feeling lighter than you had in years. They would utilize a mixture of the two, desensitizing you to a memory then bringing forth the root of the associated behavior and thought patterns through the subconscious.

“Hello?”

“Hey, hun. I'm sorry it's late. I had a really weird therapy session so they were checking me out and asking me follow-up questions.” Relief floods him like water from a spout as his shoulders sink when he hears your voice and not that of an employee. However, you sound slow and tired, your voice low and rumbling.

“It's alright, you know me, not like it’s my bed time. What was weird, you okay?” He asked as he finally sat on the sofa, body exhausted now that he had some semblance of relief.

“Yeah, I just don't remember the hypnotherapy, or much of the EMDR if I'm going to be honest.” Jason furrowed his brow. He’d done some research into both methods once you’d left for the therapy, wanting to be informed about what you were doing. And forgetting the session was abnormal on both fronts.

“None of it?” He clarified, sitting up.

“Nope, not at all. The doctor said it was a normal one, like all the others, but I just can't recall it. And EMDR I remember to a point but then it fades, kinda like recalling a dream.” Jason's brows furrowed.

“That’s weird.” He mumbled, not liking what he was hearing.

“I know, but I guess as long as the subconscious is getting worked on right?” He didn't respond for a moment, a scowl that would make Batman jealous carved into his face.

“They say if the memory loss is related to the experimental therapy they’re doing? Were they worried when they checked you out?” He asks finally, wanting to gather information without throwing up your defenses thinking he looking for something negative to latch onto.

“They said it’s abnormal but it happens sometimes. The head psychiatrist was fascinated by me, something about memory retention in limbic distress.” He furrowed his brow, lips hardening into a scowl.

“Did they say anything else?”

“I don't know, I think I'm just tired. I'm gonna go lay down, they said that's most important. I love you, Jay. I'll talk to you tomorrow.” You mumbled, indeed sounding exhausted. He cursed internally, he wouldn’t get anything else out of you.

“Alright, love you more, babe. Get some rest.” He pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a while after the line went dead. That bothered him. Memory issues had plagued you in the past due to your psych stuff, but full-blown amnesia? Something wasn't right. But there was nothing he could do. You were there voluntarily, as much as he detested it.

The following days call you sounded better, but not normal. The sluggish fatigue in your voice that had been present the night before was replaced with energy and a chipperness that wasn't quite like you.

“I feel great. Honestly, the best I’ve felt in a long time. The therapy is really working, I feel like a better version of me.” Jason’s brows furrow. That's Biolite’s slogan you'd said, ‘A Better Version of You’. You repeated it enthusiastically but almost… robotically.

“Baby… you feeling okay? You don't sound… like yourself.” He asked.

“I feel great. I'm just eager to return home to you and Bandit as a better version of me.” Jason swallows heavily at your melodic tone but nods.

“Yeah babe, Bandit is missing you awful. You're not here to let him sneak up on the bed.” Jason muttered eyeing your 2-year-old German Shepard that was curled up on a dog bed by the couch. “And I’m missing you like crazy too.” He says softly.

“Let him up one night, for me. I’ll see you both soon. I love and miss you more than anything.” You finally sounded a bit more like yourself, and he closed his eyes, savoring the sound. “It's about to be lights out, I have to go. Sleep well.”

“Alright babe, get some rest and kick some ass in therapy tomorrow. I love you too, goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” He'd tossed his phone on the sofa with a sigh and got up to feed Bandit. He cleaned his guns, ate, and suited up before going on patrol. Your strange voice lingered in his mind, and it was odd, but maybe you were just going stir crazy from being in a psych ward for 2 months. He shook off the concern, there was nothing he could do about it now. However, he had no clue that would be the last call he'd get from you.

☆☆☆

He sighed as he he took a final hit of his cigarette then tossed it on the ground, crushing the embers beneath his boot along with the guilt and memories of those last few calls. He'd procrastinated long enough. He needed to take care of Bandit and change, even if he stayed at a safehouse again tonight. He clicked his helmet back in place before vaulting from the neighboring building to your apartment rooftop. He scaled the side, the gash in his torso stinging and oozing fresh blood but he gave it no mind, easily slipping through the unlocked window and ducking inside.

Bandit was at Jason's feet the moment he was in the apartment, tail wagging as he whimpered excitedly.

“Hey buddy.” He groaned as he kneeled, body protesting the movement, taking off his helmet and tossing it on the sofa while he petted and patted the dog. He licked his master's face, tongue hanging happily out of his mouth. Jason took a moment to look up, eyes scanning the apartment, but Bandit would have let him know if there was an intruder. No, as dense as it was, he was looking for you, as if waiting you you to pad sleepily out of the kitchen or bedroom like nothing had ever happened. Foolish fantasy, he chided himself.

“Alright buddy, come on.” He gets to his feet and heads to the kitchen, grabbing the bag of dog food from the cabinet and feeding the dog before walking into the dark, empty bedroom, and changing out of his suit. Each movement was methodical and intentional, and once he was down to his boxers he could see just how much blood was gushing down his side. It was a superficial wound, but he kept irritating it with his movements.

“Shit.” He muttered, examining the hole in his armor that would need to be patched before hiding his suit away in the secret compartment tucked into the corner of their closet. As he was about to head to the bathroom his comm rang. Oracle. He grabbed the phone and answered as he came to stop before the bathroom mirror and grabbed his first-aid kit from under the sink.

“Hey Babs.” He greeted casually, holding the phone with his shoulder to free up his hands.

“Hey Jason. You doing okay?” He clenched his jaw, a brief flare of fire licking his nerves. He knew the whole family was just waiting for him to lose it, to fall back into darkness in his quest to find you. But he wouldn't. He couldn't. He knew that was the last thing you would want for him.

“Hangin in there. Taking one day at a time, focusing on the things I can control. You know, the bullshit everyone preaches.” Barbara sighs on the other end of the line and Jason barely registers the sting as he squeezes a bottle of alcohol directly on his wound, cleaning the gash.

“I’m sorry, but hopefully I finally have something for you.” He froze, hope igniting like a flame. He forces his heart to calm and his voice to remain steady,

“About y/n?” He asked hesitantly, not wanting to be disappointed if that's not what she meant. He pats the wound dry, his lip twitching from the sting.

“I think so. I've been keeping an eye on Biolite and Howard Miller since we lost track of y/n, and Miller just messed up. He wired a large sum of money to a dummy account which then sent the funds to offshore account. Looking at their finances, Biolite has been shelling money to several similar accounts routing it through different sources for over a year. And the company taking the money? A corporation called Gentec.” Jason furrows his brow, applying butterfly stitches to the cleaned wound.

“Gentec? I take it you already looked into them?” He asked.

“I did. While Biolite looks squeaky clean, Gentec is anything but. They're a biomedical research company, but they've had lawsuits in the past for unethical expirimentation, rumors of aggressive therapies, and notably, possible disappearances linked to them from Jersey, Metropolis, Gotham, Washington, and New York. Nothing that anyone’s been able to prove though, they cover their tracks,” Jason almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. It was a lead. An honest to god lead.

“They have physical holdings?” He asked as he cleaned up the mess he'd made in the bathroom, ignoring the hopeful pounding in his chest.

“They have a lab in Brooklyn marked as a research facility. They're not a large corporation, only about 140 people on their payroll, security included. I found a layout of the building online. It's small, nowhere they could hide people, but there looks like there may be a hidden basement level that was left out of the plans.”

“Send me everything you have Babs.” The sound of his own heart was the only thing that greeted him before she spoke after a while.

“Jason, we don't know if they have them. This could be-”

“Babs please.” He hated the tone his voice took on but he didn't dwell on it. He sounded needy and weak, but he was right now. He needed you safe. She sighs, pausing for a moment to weigh her options.

“Fine, it's on its way to you. Just promise you won't go there without backup. I know they don't have a large security detail, but you're…” She paused, trying to find the right word.

“Erratic, impulsive, contentious? As volitile as a loaded gun?” He offered sarcastically as he left the bathroom, pulling on sweatpants and a hoodie and grabbing Bandit's leash to take him on a walk. The dog began running in circles and yelping excitedly the moment the leash was in his hand.

“Emotionally compromised." She settled on. “Just take care of yourself, Jason. And remember that we’re all here for you.” He fought the huff that wanted to pull from his lips. Since you went missing, his whole family had indeed stepped up to try to help find you, and those who were a bit more in touch with their emotional side had tried to be there for him. He shut everyone out, though, preferring to look for you on his own without having people hover around him, waiting for him to snap. However, he knew with a word that the support was there, and that meant something.

“Thanks Babs. I find something I’ll get Dick to go with me, I won't try to do this alone. Keep you updated too.”

“Alright, thank you. Get some rest Jason.” The line went dead, and Jason let out a long breath. He opened the door, Bandit bounding down the stairs as he took hi m outside. Gentec. That was something he could work with. But a biomedical facility? What were they doing to you if that where you were? He remembered the night he realized you were gone, the night everything came crashing down.

☆☆☆

The night after your odd call he waited, and waited, and waited by the phone until 9:30. Something felt wrong, a twinge in his gut that logic wouldn't quell. First, you forgot your session, then you sounded strange on the phone, and now you're not even calling? Maybe he was overreacting, maybe you just wanted to go to bed after therapy. However, he decided he couldn't handle not knowing, the possibility that something was wrong.

Finally he called their after-hour line, asking if you were okay. The nurse pulled HIPPA of course, all they could tell him was if you were admitted or not. He was about to fight and give the poor graveyard shift employee hell before they said you were no longer with Biolite facilities, making him freeze. That's not what he expected to hear.

“What? They check themselves out or get discharged? I drove them there, how are they supposed to get home? What time did they leave?” He hears a heavy sigh from over the phone.

“Sir, all I can tell you is y/n l/n is not admitted to our facility.” He grits his teeth, muscles aching with the need for release as his fear quickly morphed to frustration.

“Fine. Thanks.” He hung up and checked the location on your phone. Your battery was low, but you were still in Metropolis. Holed up in the thick woods west of the facility. He called your phone, staring at the profile photo as it rang on. It was taken on your 3rd anniversary, you had the cutest smile on your face as he kissed your cheek from the side. He hadn't liked the picture at first, his facial scar on display. But he loved how happy you looked, how much love was etched into your features. The picture grew on him. You were both broken people, but you were stronger together.

The line went to voicemail and he cursed, hanging up then calling again. You weren't moving from your position, but you weren't picking up the phone either.

“Come on baby.” He muttered to himself, dread boiling in his gut. Nothing. The line went to voice mail. He texted you, ‘hey, y/n, you alright? Hospital said you're not there anymore.’ At this point he didn't wait for your response. He walked purposefully to the closet, trading the civilian clothes of Jason Todd for the brutal ensemble of Red Hood. Each piece of gear that clicked on and slid into place furthered his determination, the cold analytical detachment he relied on when he patrolled the streets settled over him. You never texted him back, further compounding the concern on his conscious.

He slid out the window and jumped from the ledge to the neighboring building’s fire escape, quickly and gracefully scaling the side until he reached to rooftops. He navigated the alleyways adeptly, these streets as ingrained in him as his own blood, until he reached his hidden garage nearby where he kept his weapons, computer, and Red Hood bike.

Within minutes he was on his way to Metropolis, ignoring the speed limit as he weaved between honking cars and obstacles. He dared a cop to try and pull him over tonight. He tried to think of scenarios that could have occurred, but nothing explained why you would have left the building and not called him immediately. Nothing, unless of course something had happened to you.

He was jealous of Clark and Barry, able to make the trip from Gotham to Metropolis in minutes. While the pit had given Jason several abilities, superhuman speed was sadly wasn't one of them. His mind was a rampage of terror and anxiety the whole hour drive there, completely consumed by what-ifs and worst-case scenarios. Finally, he pulled up by the woods where your phone location showed you.

It was dark, the moon hanging high above as he parked his bike a bit away, not wanting the engine to spook you if you were hiding. It was a cool night, fall wind making the air nippy as auburn leaves crunched under his boots. He moved through the grass as quietly as possible, activating the night vision on his helmet. He combed the woods near your location, hoping to find you but praying to whoever may be listening that he didn't find a body. Instead he found neither, coming across your belongings dumped deep in the woods hidden amongst some foliage. Everything he'd helped you pack into the car was there. Your clothes, your books, your phone, and there was no sign of a struggle around them. He felt a strange hollowness he couldn’t describe creep into his heart as the fear that had been lingering in his mind came to the forefront; you were missing.

His first thought was Biolite. He’d had bad feelings about them from the get go, and they were the last people who had you. That was stop #1. He tucked your phone into his pocket, hiding your bags among leaves and dirt to come back for them. He couldn’t fit them on the bike, he’d need to come back with the car. That was the last of his worries right now though, despite the anxiety and stress now rampant in him from the scene. The dumped items were a bad sign, one that concerned him greatly. He ran back at breakneck speed to his bike and hopped on, the engine roaring to life beneath him as he sped off to their facility.

He parked a few streets away, tucking his bike away and slipping into the shadows. This wasn’t his territory, but he wasn’t some rookie reliant on the environment to survive. He weaves through the streets before he grappled to the top of a neighboring building and looked down upon the modern complex, eyes narrowing as he analyzed the environment. There were 2 guards stationed at all 3 ground level entrances, guns tucked into their belts. They were obviously bored on shift, talking, playing on their phones, lounging in chairs and leaning against the walls. Clearly, nothing had disrupted their night, but that didn’t mean nothing had happened to you.

He grappled to the Biolite building, pulling himself up on the roof. There was a single entrance on the roof with building access, one guard posted at the spot. He wasn’t paying attention, lost in thought as he stared blankly into the dark city night. Jason moved behind him with the quick efficiency of a predator, hovering behind the unknowing guard in moments, grabbing him and cutting off his air supply. In a swift motion Jason took his radio and key card off his belt, making sure he couldn’t phone for help, then lowered the body to the ground after a few moments once he went limp, unconscious.

Jason studied the blank key card for a moment; it should give him access to the whole building. He let himself in, the door buzzing as the lock disengaged, and silently moved down the stairwell to the facility. He just needed to get to an unlocked terminal, there he could copy the patient files to a hard drive to go over at home. He slinked through the facility, mostly empty at this level at this time of night. The building was a modern complex made of mostly of windows and white walls, splashes of blue and yellow thrown into the decor to make it feel less like a psych ward. He could hear voices approaching, one deep and rumbling and the other soft and melodious. He looked around, using the key card to sneak into an office while they passed. He strained his ears to see if they were discussing something important, but it was idle chatter about each of their children at home.

Once they passed he left the room, quickly moving through the halls like a ghost hovering over the ground. He would take a more direct approach if he was discovered, demanding the data instead of stealing it, but it’d be a hell of a lot easier if he could keep hidden.

First things first, he needed to turn off the cameras. Trying to avoid them in the halls would be impossible and he needed time to work. He kept eyes on the rooms as he passed on the top level until he found what he needed, security room. He used the keycard to let himself in, the door unlocking with a small click. He gently pushed it open, unsure if it was occupied, as sure enough there was a security guard inside reviewing the cameras on a looping feed. He’d need to shut down the cameras, but something told him she wouldn’t let him do that. Too bad for her.

He snuck behind her, moving agilely despite his size. She didn’t notice him until he had her in a chokehold, mimicking the treatment of the guard on the roof. Once she was unconscious he headed to the security terminal, looking over the controls and cameras. First he looked over the monitors, wanting to see if there were anything nefarious on the screens. However, it was as expected so he scrolled through the terminal until the cameras were blacked out. He stood and took a deep breath before slinking back into the hall, seeking a way to go deeper. This was going well so far, but he’d long learned long ago not to count chickens too early.

Once he reached the level below, he found a monster expanse of labs, a single scientists still working despite the time. He wasn’t expecting Biolite to have labs on the site of the psych ward despite their parent company being a pharmaceutical lab. However, this was exactly what he needed. The scientist had her computer open as she worked, and Jason stuck his hand in his pocket, feeling for the flash drive like a reassurance. This was good, he could grab patient files and see what they were working on in one swoop.

He walked behind her silently before grabbing her and cutting off her air. She reached for a panic button so he pulled her away from the desk until she fell unconscious. He laid her down and stepped over her, plugging his flash drive into the computer. He scrolled to files and copied over everything indiscriminately. Anything could be important.

As the files downloaded one folder caught his eye: patient records. He clicked it open and scrolled through until he found your private records, including paperwork indicating that you had in fact signed yourself out of Biolite Psychiatric Hospital that morning. He scrunched his brow, he wasn’t expecting that.

Why the hell had you checked yourself out early when the day before you said it was the best you’d felt in years? Why had you dumped your shit? Why didn’t you call him? Where did you go? The questions were only met with frustration and confusion, each answer he came up with worrying him more than the last. However, he didn’t have long to mull over it.

As the largest file was 87% done copying he heard voices down the hall, several sets of footsteps anxiously shuffling his way. Shit.

He turned to greet them with his pistols in hand as 4 guards poured through the lab doors holding guns with shaky hands and frantic eyes. Pathetic. “Red Hood! Drop your weapons, you’re outnumbered!” He barks a laugh in response.

“Hardly. I’m not here for trouble, leave before I have to hurt you.” He snuck a look back at the computer. 93%. Shit. The guards met eyes with each other, before raising their arms to aim. Jason reacted instantaneously, jumping back behind the table and tossing a smoke bomb on the ground. The room erupted into a dense smog as it discharged, the four men coughing and fruitlessly fanning their hands in front of their faces. He moved behind a large glass and metal structure of lab equipment as they shot haphazardly his direction, hoping to hit him. He, on the other hand, turned on the night vision on his helmet, easily seeing the guards through the dense smoke.

He jumped from behind his vantage point and sheathed his guns, needing to move quickly before the fog dissipated and he was outmanned again. They didn’t know where he was yet, and he’d take advantage of it. He moved to the guard closest to him on his left, quickly disabling the man with a strong jab to the back of the neck and a blunt blow to his temple. He fell like a sack of potatoes, and by the time the noise alerted the others Jason was already on the second.

He’d heard Jason’s footsteps approaching and raised his gun. Before he could fire Jason disarmed him with a kick to his hand, his body turning around fully and landing another kick to his jaw on the 360. He sprawled out with a cry, unconscious. The fog had cleared enough that the last two could see Red Hood’s silhouette as well as the bodies of their comrades on the floor. They cursed, raising their guns. However, two was basically an even match for Jason. He threw a batarang at one man, it circled around him before impaling the back of his head. He cried out, falling to the ground grasping the back of his skull. His buddy was distracted by the scene and didn’t notice Jason running up on him before it was too late.

Jason grabbed the gun from him and tossed it to the ground, dodging as the guard threw a punch at his head. He grabbed the outstretched arm, overextending it behind his back with a twist until it popped out of socket. He screamed, and Jason put him out of his misery with a strong elbow to the back of the head. As he fell to the ground, the man with the batarang got to his feet, obviously dazed and dizzy based on how drunk he looked. Jason scoffed, and pulled a gun from his hip, shooting the man in the chest with a non lethal round. It wouldn’t kill him, but it would put him out for a bit.

His shoulders heaved, breath ragged as his muscles shook, coming down from the high of a fight. The guards subdued for now, he turned back to the computer. 100%. He pulled the drive and placed it in his utility belt, safe and locked away in a compartment. Good, now to get the hell out. He retraced his steps through the lab and hallways, enhanced ears listening for every movement around him, moving quicker now that there were bodies in his wake. He could hear footsteps and yelling as their guards swarmed the levels, trying to find him. His mind kept tracing back to you however, barely caring about the danger he was in. Where did you go?

He’d escaped as the guards had begun to regroup and swarm the building, just in time for him to leave. He reluctantly begun to return to his safe house in Gotham, hating the idea of leaving Metropolis with you still possibly in the city. However, you very well could have left by now too, and he needed to get somewhere he could analyze the data. He’d raced away, heading to his safe space, a hidden dilapidated house on the outskirts of the city with a computer tapped into the bat-computer network that would allow him to reference what Bruce had access to as well. He barely remembered the drive back, like highway amnesia, but paid it no mind as he swept into the safe house, setting up at the monitor before diving into Biolite’s files. And after what he’d done to get it, what he got was… disappointing.

Your files indicated you’d signed yourself out that morning at 6:23 am. Reading the notes of your presiding physician, Dr. Joseph, it was notated that she felt you would benefit from further treatment despite your departure. Furthermore, there were extensive notes on the event you’d told him about, where you forgot your session. Your doctor noted that once you seemingly came back to your senses, you behaved oddly. More amenable and apathetic. Your interview after your session was looping and disjointed, with it taking you almost a full 30 minutes to get you back to responding entirely coherently.

However, they weren’t surprised by the behavior, it was a phenomenon they had observed in a handful of patients that they called Dream Walking. It was a reaction to the mix of therapies that caused amnesia and temporary cognitive modification. They considered it a notable but harmless symptom of the experimental treatments, something that went away some time after the session ended and was inconsequential compared to the progress the therapy made.

That had sent fire through his veins. You forgot a combined almost 2 hours of your life then woke up like another person and they called it “inconsequential”? At the time he had wondered if the behavior changes were why you had checked yourself out, maybe the therapy had jumbled something up in your head and you were still confused. At least, he hoped confused would be the adjective to describe your state of mind when he found you. If he finds you.

☆☆☆

He sighed as he reentered the apartment with Bandit, already making his way to the computer to go over the files on Gentec that Babs had sent over. He felt so goddamn useless. He was a detective, a vigilante, a fighter, a rescuer. Yet when it came to protecting and finding the person who mattered most, he failed. However, it only steeled his resolve further. He settled in for what was sure to be hours of reading. And as he dug further into Gentec and Biolite’s files, he made a quiet promise to both you and himself.

“Just hold on baby. I’m coming for you.”

[cellophaine]

Chapter XII: DEUCE

Masterlist

Pairing: Art Donaldson x F!Reader.

Warnings: Fluff, brief description of smut.

Author's Note: AHHHHH I can't believe this is the last chapter of A Languor Spell!!!!!!! Truly insane!!! Thank you to everyone who have stuck with the series to the very end, who have been so patient throughout my inconsistent schedule, all of the mental gymnastic I made you go through, and all the angst. I'm grateful for those who have liked, reblogged, commented and given me your thoughts on the series! You are amazing and you keep me going. You're the reason why I work through my sickness.

With all of that said, I'm feeling bittersweet as this series comes to an end. This is probably one of my favourite works, and a completed series at that. I've learned a lot from working on this, and I feel like it has given me a better sense of my voice as a fanfic writer. Still, I'm excited to move on with ALS completed, and I'm happy to say that I have another idea for Art at work atm!! (more details on that later)

I hope you will enjoy the last instalment of A Languor Spell 🫶

GIF Source

2021. San Francisco.

In a room full of people, amongst the comfortable quiet and the rain's patterned knocks on the window panes, your voice gave sound to the words you wrote. The rain was fitting for a reading of your newest novel, considering how it was inspired by what had transpired after that fateful day fifteen years ago. You still remembered how it felt, walking away from Art in the aftermath of the storm, feeling intrigued by the possibility of your future, none the wiser about the way things would turn out.

The indie bookstore was small, but it made it easier for you to look at your supporters when you took occasional breaks from the pages. Everyone's eyes were on you, but instead of discomfort, you felt at ease. Reading these words to the readers who had supported your works still felt unreal after four releases and all these years since you first became a published author. Your heart swelled in your chest as your eyes swept over all the people who gathered here for you. They looked up to you, they found solace and comfort in your books. That made you realize you weren't alone in your feelings, despite the perpetual solitude that you chose for yourself after Isaac.

Your reading ended, followed by answering questions, and signing. You got to meet wonderful people who expressed their love for your books and talked about your newest release. No one knew the idea was drawn loosely from your own experience. It was the truth that you held close to your heart. The idea of being capable of loving more than one person in literature wasn’t new. And like most, it usually tailspinned out of one's control. You knew it well, and you put it into your own words. In the end, your protagonist walked away from everything, freeing herself of the entanglement. It stemmed from your understanding of your own role in the circumstances. Loving Art and tolerating everything that was attached to him was an inescapable loop once your connections had intertwined so deeply that neither of you could unravel. You accepted that you and Art were nothing more than a missed opportunity, and maybe, in another lifetime, you would find each other again. But in this one, you chose to move on.

Avery helped you wrap up the signing, and when you were about to walk away from the table, a familiar voice caressed your ears.

“Do you have time for another autograph?”

You could recognize him from the first consonant he uttered. You turned your head and were greeted by his warm and familiar gaze. There wasn't a need to run, to hide like you did two years ago. You felt nothing but a quick skip in your heart before returning to its normal pace. From this distance, you could see the subtle fall and rise of his chest that made him look slightly out of breath. The white tee he was wearing was speckled with raindrops, making it cling to the definition of his torso better. He had let his hair grow out since you last met, the damp curls held tension at the nape of his neck. His eyes held yours, and you were taken aback by its intensity and familiarity. The colour was a muted blue under the artificial light of the bookstore, and the speckle of light brown remained.

Avery spoke up before you could.

“Sorry, but signing hour is over.“

You touched her shoulder.

“It’s okay. I can do it. I’ll be done in a minute.”

Avery gauged your face, looking for a sign of uncertainty or discomfort. You nodded and assured her you'd be alright, only then, she left you alone with Art. You lowered your voice, not wanting other people to hear.

“Sure, I can sign your book.”

Art blinked as if he didn't expect you to actually indulge him. He retrieved the books from the bag on his side and placed them on the table.

“I wasn’t sure which one I wanted to get signed, so I brought a few that I have.”

Four copies of your books, from the debut to your newest, spread out before you. You took your time flipping over each of them, your eyes tracing over the faint underlines on the sentences you wrote. You imagined Art's own hand turning the pages, carefully underlining what he liked, what resonated with him. The books looked like they were read over and over with frayed edges, worn pages, and slight curls on the corners. You quieted the voices in your head, questions echoing in the chamber of your mind and picked up a pen. You opened your new release and looked at him expectantly.

“What do you want me to write?”

“Anything you want.”

“When you say that, do you mean the literal sentence ‘anything you want’ or …”

You trailed off, watching a smile slowly make its way to his lips, mirroring yours.

“Anything your heart desires.”

“Alright. ‘Anything your heart desires’ it is then.”

You placed your pen on the page and made a move to write it, but he stopped you by touching his fingers on the splayed book.

“How about ‘yes, I would like to go out for dinner with you’?”

You considered him. The playful smile was still on his lips, but from where you were standing, he seemed pretty serious.

“Is that a real invitation?”

He nodded.

“I mean it.”

You straightened up and looked at him fully for the first time since he made his presence known.

“I came to San Francisco just to see you.”

“Why?”

“Because I can’t seem to get over you.”

His unexpected honesty was so brutal that it almost took your breath away. You parted your lips in bated breath, not daring to say another word that could ruin the trance he seemed to cast over you.

“You're always on my mind. I haven’t stopped thinking about you ever since you left.”

“Art …”

You swallowed the lump of emotions that had gathered in your throat, unsure of how to respond to his admission. Art looked at you with an understanding, telling you that he didn't expect you to say anything back. The boy you fell in love with years ago, now standing in front of you, had stripped his soul bare and laid it out in front of you. The downpour of your emotions swirled together, seizing your heart in a tight grip. It made your skin bloom in heat. You saw Art's mouth move before you could process the words themselves.

“I will be here for another week. Please, I would like to see you before I leave.”

He extended a piece of paper towards you, and a sense of deja vu hit you. History had the tendency to repeat itself, and here you were, with the man who once was your everything. He looked at you like his sole purpose was to please you, to do whatever you wanted him to.

“Are you here because I’m the second best thing you can get?”

You asked in a self-deprecating tone.

“No, I’m here because I want to. And you’ve always been the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

You blinked at the sheer honesty in the way he said it. No hesitation in his voice, and no humour in his eyes. But words could only mean so much. Actions eclipsed everything else.

“What about Tashi?”

“We’re not together anymore.”

You nodded, feeling that there was more to it, but it was neither the time nor the place. You took the folded piece of paper from him, and before he let you have it, Art said.

“Anytime. Anywhere. We can meet up and just talk.”

You stayed silent. Art continued.

“And if you don’t want me, I will leave in a week and never come back or contact you again.”

You nodded, showing your understanding. You crouched slightly to sign his book, and when you gave it back to him, your hands touched, and it sent a touch of thrill down your spine. You left the table and not once looked back at Art. He didn’t know it then, but you still had his number saved on your phone. After your encounter two years ago, you couldn’t bring yourself to delete it.

/

The next two days were spent with you thinking about Art’s offer and pondering the outcome of your choices. What would your decision say about you as a person? Going back to the man who had hurt you wasn’t something you wanted for your character, that was why you ended your book the way you did. But you also knew the matter of the heart was more complicated than that. Not everything could be sorted as black or white. The definitive decision to choose one over another, because it was viewed as the right thing to do, was a conformity of normality and a complete rejection of nuances and consideration for perspectives that didn’t align with what was deemed morally right. What you ultimately decided would be the culmination of your experience alone, of the connection you had with Art, Tashi, and Patrick, and not a reflection of your morality. What applied to others might not apply to you, and vice versa. Each person in a collective could have wildly different experiences, none were the same. And you didn’t have to justify yourself to anyone.

You opened your contact and scrolled until you reached Art’s number. After a deep breath and another moment of waiting for the rational part of you to scream profanities at your decision, you clicked on his contact and pressed call. You waited patiently, listening to the calming beat of your heart. Anxiety perched at the corner of your mind, ready to jump in at the idea of Art not picking up his phone, and him showing up at your book signing event was his way to toy with you. But Art shut out all of the background noises when he picked up at the fourth ring.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

He sounded out of breath, and in your head, you imagined how he must have run to his phone and hoped it was you who called. You bit the inside of your cheek at the image and realized that he was waiting for an answer from the other side of the line.

“Where are you staying?”

“The Ritz.”

"Between Pine and California?"

Art confirmed with a quiet 'yes'. You wanted to tell yourself no, that this was a bad idea, but these thoughts wavered the more you wanted to look upon them further, to dissect them into bits and pieces. The absence of the self-loathing that you were so used to was noticeable. After a moment of contemplation, you breathed out and said.

“I’ll be there in an hour.”

"I can pick you up."

You shook your head before realizing he couldn't see you.

"There's no need."

“I’ll wait for you in the lobby.”

You went through the motions, getting dressed, and getting into the car and backed out of your apartment's complex's parking lot. Your fingers drummed on the wheel restlessly as you imagined what might happen, what you would say to him, what you would ask. Should you feel shame? Guilt? In the empty vastness of space between you and Art, you tried and tried to fill it up with excuses. Anything that would make you turn around. Yet, the car still moved forward, and it didn't stop until you reached the Ritz-Carlton hotel.

/

You found Art waiting in the lobby, just like he said. You went to the bar of the hotel together and ordered yourselves drinks. You sat in the plush chair across from each other, the distance between you comfortable and not at all suffocating. You took your time, taking notes of something new about him that you hadn't noticed before. And Art seemed to have the same idea. Finally, you broke the silence first.

“Did you actually read all of my books?”

“Of course. It was the only way I could be close to you.”

You remembered what Tashi told you, and tried to tame the bashful smile that tugged at the corner of your lips. At that, an amused expression touched Ar's face.

"What?"

"About two years ago, the night before your match against Patrick, Tashi told me that you read my books, even annotating them. I didn't believe her at first. Then, I realized that she must have told the truth because even though she didn't gain anything from telling me, she did it anyway."

Art nodded, his eyes looked away as if to contemplate the thought.

"Did it make a difference for you?"

"A little bit. But it didn't matter. You were still with Tashi."

You admitted in a casual tone and took a sip of your drink. Art looked down at his, turning it in his hand.

“How did you know I was at the bookstore?”

Art looked at you through his long lashes.

“Your website. It said you'd be there for a reading and signing event.”

You inclined your head. Art, in his own way, was guileful and at times manipulative, but this time, you couldn't blame him. Your participation at those events was public information, and Art used that to his advantage.

"Why now?"

"I had things that I needed to sort out first before I could be good enough to reach out to you."

You thought about what Art said at the bookstore.

“When you said you and Tashi were no longer together …”

“We're divorced. Been that way for almost two years.”

“Was it mutually agreed upon?”

“Not at first. I … initiated it.”

You took a moment to absorb that information. Finally, you said.

“I’m surprised.”

“Why?”

“You loved her a lot. And yet, you were the one to ask for a divorce. You stood up to her.”

Art shifted in his seat and leaned on the table, touching the outside of your hand on the stem of your drink.

“You made me realize that I was always second to her. Tennis has always been her first love.”

You allowed him to take your hand fully in his. The warmth of his palm spread to yours, and it made your heart pound. Art picked up where he left off.

“I believe that at one point, she truly loved me. But it turned into something else, with all of the buildup of resentment and time she couldn't take back and mistakes she couldn't undo. And you were right. Her shortcomings weren't mine to bear."

Art told you about what happened during the match in 2019. Patrick's signal, serving like Art, was a way for Patrick to rub it in Art's face that he slept with Tashi the night before. Your heart broke for him, having to find out about it that way. You reached out with the other hand, rubbing back and forth along the length of the arm that was holding you slowly. You stayed like that for a while, until the weight of the moment had dissipated into the air, only lingering on the outside like a distant memory. Art's voice was rough when he spoke up.

“In the end, your protagonist …”

“What about her?”

“She walked away from everything. And … here you are, with me.”

“I am.”

“What does that say about us?”

You took a deep breath and mulled over his question. The answer surprised you, even though you were the one who made it real.

“That our story doesn’t end there, two years ago, when it should.”

The two of you had shifted closer to each other, and from this distance, you could see the beautiful swirl of colours in his eyes. He closed them when he pressed a kiss into the palm of your hand as if to savour the sensation. You caressed the smooth skin on his cheekbone as he whispered.

“I meant what I said at the bookstore. I have never stopped thinking about you ever since the day I met you. You're constantly on my mind.”

You felt your body go weak at his words. You murmured, afraid of the quiver in your own voice.

“It's been a very long time.”

"I know. Even though I was with Tashi, if you called, I would've dropped everything to come to you. I will always be at your disposal."

“Even now?”

“Especially now.”

/

The ride up to his suite was quiet, and it stayed like that until you were tangled in a passionate embrace like there was an invisible force that drew your bodies together. Art took his time in exploring you, reacquainting himself with your body, and you with his. You needed each other's touches and heat as if everything could end right then and there. His lips trailed all over your body, paying extra care to your sensitive spots and laving up your scent, leaving faint love marks on your skin. You glowed in the attention he bestowed upon you. Your nails scratched up his back, complimenting the loving bites you left on his pale skin. You gave into the throes of euphoria, neither of you holding back. When he slid home inside you, you felt a relief like never before.

Your blissful moans and unabashed grunts of pleasure last for hours into the night. Later on, you lay in Art's arms with your head on his chest, listening to the gentle beat of his heart and the muted sound of the world from the other side of the window. A sense of tranquillity washed over you, and in your mind, there was no doubt or regret. But you had to make sure that he felt the same.

"Are you regretting this, yet?"

You asked with a small touch of humour, trying to mask your worries. Art tilted your face up to look at him, and you could only find earnestness in his eyes.

"Never. I've never felt happier. Do you … regret this?"

You placed a kiss on his chest, your hand squeezed at his side.

"No, I don't. I can't think of a time when I felt like this with someone else."

And you didn't hate yourself for admitting that out loud. The look he gave you was pure adoration. After everything with Isaac, being here with Art felt like everything had finally clicked into place. Art sighed, trailing his hand along the side of your arm.

"Me neither. I mistook competition for love and worthiness, and accepted the constant stress and worries that I'm not enough as something that just came with it. It should've been like this."

You cradled his face in your hand, your eyes locked and intertwined in the pool of emotions.

"You've always been enough for me."

Art moved his head to kiss you deeply, and you relaxed into it. After everything, you had become different people who found their way back to each other. When you were together, there was no expectation. You didn't have to be someone else for him, and he didn't have to fulfill the role others had expected of him.

You lost yourself again and again in Art's arms. Just like your protagonist, you were free in the end, albeit in a different way. But that was the beauty of it. Your happy ending didn't have to be like hers. It was yours to mould and shape. And you chose to have it with Art, the only man you had truly loved, who had always known you in the way nobody else had.

Your future with Art was an unknown territory, but you thrust yourself into it. You knew you would be okay, with him being truly yours at last.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated! I'd love to read your thoughts on the story!

For updates, please follow @cellophaine-archives

[tinyfantasminha]

Hi op! Just wanted to say I love your art and your oc, and of course your brainrots over Jack  🫶 they made me like and appreciate Jack a lot more! If it's okay to ask, how did you ended up liking him? Was he already a fave from the start or did he worm your way into your heart gradually? And (if you're comfortable ofc) what made you decide to yume with him?

Hope you have a good new years!! 💕

AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH CRYING ON MY KNEES.....!!!!! This makes me so jkgjgjfkdjkfkh,,gfhfgjddjfh ...... thank you so much 😭💕

No matter how many people still say to me they've come to appreciate Jack more because of me I can never get used to it but it's still a wonderful feeling!! Like YES that's what I want !! Love Jack Howl!!

Anon, you just opened pandora's box...... I wished I could answer that in a few words, but I can't. Too much thoughts, too much words I need to get out of my chest. FINALLY THIS OPPORTUNITY HAS COME... *rubs hands*

I might as well put up the whole Jack-loving saga from start to present in chronological order. This is gonna be a VERY long post. (a lot of spoilers and thoughts on book 2 and 3)

To tell the truth, no, Jack was not an immediate fave! I remember seeing the official promotional art for the dorms back in 2019 before the game even released. The ones that immediately got my attention first were Leona, Ruggie, Malleus and Silver. HJDDHHGNJDSD I remember being immediately excited seeing savanaclaw cause they tick a lot of boxes I like… ''ohh??! furry kemonomimi dorm with edgy biker aesthetics?!'' <- is obsessed with leather jackets. But I regret to say that Jack didn't catch my attention, aside from the wolf ears. I-It makes me sad to remember that I judged him at first… 😭 Since Leona and Ruggie are smirking in their official sprite, and Jack looks so overly serious and closed off. BUT BOY, IF ONLY YOU HAD TOLD ME BACK THEN THAT I WOULD HAVE A 4+ YEAR OBSESSION WITH THIS WOLF GUY…………

I had missed the game's launch (march 2020) and only got to know they had already released it when I saw an user on facebook sharing screenshots of their game. Before downloading the game, I decided to watch all of the released main story segments on youtube (god bless Shel_BB's channel). I got invested right off the bat, and as I watched my faves basically fluctuated every week or every a few days... I remember my first (?? was it actually first? I don't remember anymore) fave being Ace because of course hE'S THE FIRST CHARA OF THE MAIN CAST TO APPEAR... that is, until Leona's first appearance in book 1 it ruined my life. I was like ''ah, there he is. Hot lion guy. He's my fave. Can't wait for his chapter'' I SEE A HOT KEMONOMIMI I PRESS LIKE but after book 1 ending, I was so moved by Riddle's backstory that he also became one of my faves?! DAMN GIRL DECIDE

OKAY SO HERE COMES THE GOOD PART, which is book 2. Nowadays I think that book 2 is in fact not good from a writing perspective, Leona's plan is dumb, Ruggie and Jack never got the closure they deserved, it felt too rushed etc. But I wasn't really thinking about it in a critical way, I was just excited to see new characters and how the story would go (good for me ig?? at least I had a good experience). Anyway, I remember taking an immediate liking to Leona and Ruggie but I was still super neutral about Jack throughout most of the chapter. I remember admiring his sense of justice and willingness to betray his dorm, so he was already getting on my good side. sfgsdkjgs I think the first... spark... was the moment when Jack came into ramshackle to personally wake up Yuu. ''I wanted to make sure you didn't mess everything up by oversleeping'' OKAY LIKE BUT WE JUST MET...? I wondered why he'd go that far for a nobody he just met? Then it occurred to me, could it be that he... CARES.... 😱

I thought him being a tsundere was cute. I always had... a thing for characters that look stoic and edgy but are actually big softies. I blame Lucario from the movie Lucario and the mystery of mew for starting my obsession with canine stoic ''I need no friends'' energy characters when in fact they DO need friends And I was also both amused and surprised that he could transform into a literal wolf?! JKDSJKFGSJK I STARTED TO THINK AAWW THATS CUTE FOR HIM... I love fuzzy animals so this was a bonus for me. And then after Leona's overblot there WAS... THIS SCENE--

Something about Yuu pointing out that Jack genuinely smiled and him going all tsun about it stirred a warm feeling in me... I just thought it was the cutest moment in the game so far. This was the point where I realized Jack is a genuinely sweet and caring character. After book 2 ending he had already ranked a lot higher in my tier list.

But it was only during book 3 that ACTUALLY started my spiral to madness made me realize he was gonna be more than just a character I liked.

I want to clarify that when I was watching the main story, I was self inserting as Yuu the entire time, meaning I was trying to imagine myself in their situation and how I would react if I were in said situation. There wasn't anything of substance directly affecting Yuu in book 1 and 2, but book 3 was when it got a lot personal for me. Right off the bat in book 3, adeuce and Grim got separated from Yuu and were forced to be Azul's slaves alongside a bunch of other... idk 100+ students? (or was it 200?) this was the first time since the prologue that Yuu was completely alone, and it made me feel a pang of dread. I'm not proud to say I was never the most independent person, (must be from neurodivergency + always being the pampered youngest sibling of other 4 older siblings 💀) and being socially awkward, I'd completely freeze in this situation. It's just a very stressful and scary situation to be in. That's why I was immediately relieved when Jack appeared. He refused to help at first but all it took was ONE phrase (either tease him or make him feel pity for you) to convince him.

''You've gotten pretty used to how things work in this school. Can't be helped. I'll tag along with you for a bit.''

He said he would tag along FOR A BIT... AND HE LOYALLY STAYED BY YUU'S SIDE THE ENTIRE TIME, UNTIL THE END OF THE EPISODE. I was SO deeply moved by that, you have no idea. When I was in middle school I had really bad social anxiety, like Idia-level. I was the type of person who had to cling on every possible chance of being helped and escorted around in social situations, and I couldn't vocally ask for help, so I had to wait until an extrovert took pity on me and helped me. Once in a school trip, we had to take a train at the metro station and everyone else seemed to have a magnetic card but not me... I thought I was gonna be left behind so I started to panic real bad and have an anxiety attack, and when I pleaded to my extroverted 'friend' for help, they turned their back on me. It was an awful feeling that still makes me feel helpless every time I remember it. So that's why at first I thought Jack wasn't actually gonna help Yuu, and when he... changed his mind so quickly and decided to tag along, it was a very special moment to me. I thought, ''you have no reason to be helping me but you're doing it anyway.'' Feels like in twst most of the characters have an ulterior motive when helping others, but not Jack. He claims he's not worried about adeuce and grim, but he's too easy to read. He cares, even though he gets no compensation, or any kind of reward for this. It made me feel safe around him, like I could rely on him for everything. This was the first heart arrow.

Every time spent with Jack in book 3 I fell more and more in love with him (even though I wasn't aware of it yet). He's a lot more nuanced here than he was in book 2; he shows more sides of him like his silly puppy side (when he was excited to see that octavinelle was underwater and gushed about it like an excited puppy and then got self conscious and awkward about it STOP HEWASJSGJKGSOOSOCVNSMDOSO CUTE) his caring, worried, nervous sides… He also totally did NOT NEED to accompany Yuu in Mostro Lounge's VIP room since Azul had business with Yuu only, and yet Jack was ALWAYS on their side, like a loyal guard dog. Feeling safe and reassured around a person is EXTREMELY important to me. No matter what happens, Jack is not the type to turn his back on you. If you're nice and genuine with him, he will help you with anything and never let you down, it's what I thought.

AND THEN UH.... THERE WAS THAT ONE SCENE WHEN ADEUCE + GRIM + YUU + JACK HIDE UNDER AZULS TABLE IN THE VIP ROOM... THIS IS A SCENE I THIN K A LOT BECAUSE UH... SQUISHED-UNDER-A-TIGHT-SPACE-TOGETHER-TO-HIDE MAY BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES..... AND I CAUGHT MUYSEFL THINKING NOT SO FAMILY-FRIENDLY THOUGHTS LIKE....DOESS THAT MEAN I'M PRESSED AGAINST JACK HERE,,?!??'/? AGAINST HIS BIG, WARM... tibbies... WHERE I CAN FEEL SAFE AND PROTECTED.... ADNW WE HAVE TO STAY QUIET AND VERY STILL SO AZUL DOESN'T CATCH US OOOooooHHHH....... LET ME REMINGD YOU I STILL DIDNT CONSIDER MYSESLF A SIMP FOR JACK BUT MY CHEEKS WERE AFLAME I WAS RED IN THE FACE AND IT GOT ME THINKING '''''''N-NO WAY I DONT LIKE HIM LIKE THAT RIGHT??? (This was the second heart arrow.)

AND THEN AND THEN AAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaAA…… WHENB YUU AND GRIM ARE KICKED OUT OF RAMSHACKLE AND HAVE NOWHERE TO SLEEP AND SINCE ITS LIKE NOVEMBER IT MUST BE COLD AS FUCK OUTSIDE….. THIS IS BY FAR THE SCARIEST SITUATION FOR ME, I LIVE IN A WARM PLACE IF I HAD TO SLEEP OUTSIDE AT A TEMP UNDER 10 DEGREES CELCIUS WITH ONLY A SCHOOL UNIFORM I WOULDNT JUJST ''CATCH A COLD'' ACE TRAPPOLA I WOULD GET HYPOTHERMIA AND FUCKING DIE PROBABLY, GETTING KICKED OUT OF YOUR OWN HOME WITH NO PLACE TO SLEEP? I'D JUST GIVE UP CURL MYSELF INTO A BALL AND CRY……. BUT TJEN BUT THEN JACK LIKE AN ANGEL DESCENDED FROM HEAVEN OFFERED YUU AND GRIM TO TAKE THEM TO SAVANACALW?????????????? AND HE CLAIMS ITS CAUSE EVEN THOUGH HE SAID HE'D HAVE THEIR BACK, HE DIDN'T FEEL LIKE HE ACTUALLY HELPED THEM UNTIL NOW…. AND ACE AND DEUCE AND GRIM ALL SMIRKED AND TEASED HIM ABOUT LIKE ACE'S VOICE TONE IS VERY REMINISCING OF THE TONE SOMEBODY USES WHEN THEY TEASE SOMEONE ELSE ABOUT THEIR CRUSH I FELT IT IN MY BONESSS… LIKE HEY JACK WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE TO THEM IF IT DOESN'T BENEFIT YOU… COULD IT BE THAT YOU'RE (GASP) CRUSHING ON THEM…?!?!? YOU KNOW THIS IS THE ENERGY I GOT FROM THIS SCENE AND IF ONLY THIS GAME WAS ROMANCE-INCLINED THATS EXACTLY HOW THIS SCENE WOULD GO I FEEL IITTTTTTTTTTTT DSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJGNNJNJCFNJBCVÇ;CV;/VC;ÑCV~]DF.ÇHFDMHFDNJDHFJHBNDFJ

……..That was the third heart arrow.

My mind is hazy after this. I don't know what else to say for the climax + ending of book 3, I really enjoyed Azul and the tweel's characters, but my mind was still on Jack and how I came to love him after this. I remember hoping that… we would get to sleep in Jack's room (this was before I realized that all of first years room were a shared 4-person room, I thought only heartslabyul was like this 💀) but I was not disappointed to find out we'd sleep in Leona's room instead 😋 is bonked

While Jack was super high in my tier list at that point, he had to share first place with some others for a while… I downloaded the game in july 2020, but it was only during august that I started to actively post art here on my blog and engage more with the fandom. And during that time I was passing through a octavinelle + scarabia phase which was especially strong during august and september if you follow me ALL THE WAY back then…… congrats soldier my faves fluctuated between Jack, Jade, Floyd, Jamil and Kalim constantly and there was even a time where I considered the Ja-trio (Jade, Jack, Jamil) my favorite characters and couldn't choose between them. So what made me ultimately lean towards Jack? Uh, to sum it up it's because he was the least popular. I was in a somewhat big twst discord server back then and although I'm super grateful to have been part of the server and met wonderful people there who are friends till this day, I also had a few unpleasant experiences. Jade, Floyd and Jamil were super popular in the server I was in, so whenever I tried to talk or gush about them, I was talked over. The server was also yume-friendly but I was still figuring out this whole yume thing and who I'd yume. The more I was talked over and ignored in favor of the louder and more popular tweels/jamil stans in the server (I think there was AT LEAST 5 yumes for each of them...) the more I felt unmotivated to keep gushing for them. Whenever I made art of them, people would immediately tag the popular loud stans to gush other THEIR reaction, and suddenly the conversation was immediately shifted towards them. I know this sort of thing is expected in a big server since people already have their circles but man… It made me a lot insecure to yume them.

But whenever I talked about JACK I was actually listened to, and my opinions were validated. Simply because back then there were little to none Jack stans, so most of them looked up to me as reference for a ''Jack enjoyer/simp''. I started to think how unfair it was that the other characters had plenty of love, plenty of attention already while Jack had almost none. No one hated him but no one quite loved him either to consider him their #1. I was baffled because he's genuinely one of the sweetest characters. I know it sounds silly, but I felt compelled to be his advocate. I WANTED people to see just how sweet he is, how he's more than just a big, uninteresting jock that only talks about working out.

I always sympathized with the odd, with the outcasts, with the ones that weren't chosen because they were not like the majority because they remind me of what I went through as a socially anxious aspie kid (I was never really comfortable revealing my diagnosis online but there you have it, autistic vic reveal lol as if that wasn't obvious before ig) do you know the feeling of being in PE class and the two kids forming groups are choosing who they want for their team and you know you'll be dead last because no one wants you in their team? So you end up in a random team not because someone chose you, but because you were the only one left and they needed to fill the space. They don't necessarily want to kick you out of the team, but they don't want you either. You're indifferent to them. This is how I imagined how Jack must have felt like in the fandom. Always ''he's such a good boy'' ''he's so sweet'' but never someone's favorite. I've lost count of how many self proclaimed ''savanaclaw stans'' I met that are just solely Leona stans who talk 90% of the time about Leona, the other 10% about Ruggie and outright IGNORE Jack.

After getting Jack's first birthday card in the first 10 rolls, I decided, well he's gonna be MY favorite. The other popular characters have enough fans, enough people to make art and writing for them. It wouldn't make a difference if one more fan is added or removed. But for Jack, at least back then, it DID make a difference. Finding people in the eng fandom who would do fanart of him (like just HIM, not him being part of a group like savanaclaw or first years) was so rare. And especially finding accounts or blogs dedicated entirely about him…?? I don't remember seeing any of it. This…erasure, this indifference towards him made me feel even more connected to him. I want to keep supporting him, to keep giving him the love that he deserves.

In these 4 years he's been a massive source of comfort to me, if I feel anxious or stressed I imagine his big, warm hand on my shoulder, on the small of my back, patting my head etc… I imagine him motivating me to work harder, to push myself out of my comfort zone, telling me to stop moping and to get up and try again. I imagine him giving me his tail to hold and pet when I need to keep myself grounded. I imagine his disapproving look when I have dishonest thoughts or think about taking shortcuts.

I don't know how to finish this, but if you read ALL of this congrats and thank you for bearing with me lol it took me almost 4 hours to write this entire bible...... if you DID read all of this, I hope I could, if only a little bit, change your perspective on Jack Howl for the better.

I love Jack Howl.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi. Here's a lot of words that y'all don't have to read and I have a question that y'all don't have to answer. I think you all make a lot of great points. I'm sorry if this is on the blog already.

I think I might be what you call an egg. I just try not to think about it. I'm going through a lot of stuff right now that needs processing and I can get to the gender thing when I can get to the gender thing. That said, I'm trying to let myself exist in queer spaces and it feels like everyday women are bashing men without batting an eye. Actually, that's happening not just in queer spaces. Nobody says anything except to agree. Even people that I've known for a while and know that I'm married to a cis man whom I love and respect (and who actually got me interested in feminism). I told one friend that I was uncomfortable by her comments and she flipped it around, pouted exasperatedly, and said, "I thought you were a safe space!" I didn't know that there was a safe space for sexism!

What the fuck do I say to people? I'm autistic and have an extreme sense of justice and can't just let things go but I want to be at least somewhat respectful-sounding because when you yell at people they shut down and think you're wrong/the problem. I also don't want to talk their ears off/write paragraphs like this. 😬

🌀

jesus, i'm so sorry people are treating you like that. it really hurts my head to see people do this. you don't deserve that kind of behavior, you're not a shitty person for trying to figure out your gender. you're not shitty for being happily married to a cis man. i have so many words so i hope i won't give you a reply that's too long to parse

no matter what people's beliefs are, everyone is reinforcing that women need to hate men. like you're right it's just everywhere. not just queer communities. it's weird. it's like, i get it, the way we force men to act is absurd. we need to focus on helping men snap out of the shitty things we force them to do and support them in growing and changing. also like i don't get how people dont see how terrible it is to openly admit that they see trans men, queer men, gay men, bi men, disabled men, men of color, intersex men, multigender men, and so on. there are so many groups of men affected by this i dont get why people don't care

this "safe space" thing has gotten abused to hell and back. it's out of control, now it's being used as a gatekeeping tool. it's weird to me but people are defining things like this:

general lgbt/queer communities = women's safe space

lesbian community = women's safe space

nonbinary community = women's safe space

butch, gender non conforming, genderqueer community = women's safe space

genderfluid, bigender, multigender communities = women's safe space

bisexual, pansexual, polysexual, & polyamorous communities: women's safe space

like it's gotten way out of control. people think that every experience that doesn't outright say man is a women's safe space. and even then, we see entitlement there in the transmasculine and trans man communities as well. the thing is is like. these are intended to be communities. not safe spaces. like

women's groups exist. there are groups dedicated to providing safe spaces for just women, irl. a lot of the time they're based out of crisis and sexual assault survivor clinics, but there's also ones for homeless women, and so on. like i honestly guarantee you that if you googled "women's safe space" you'd find some local, brick and mortar places designed to be there for women and only women. like. those. exist.

we don't have to turn the entirety of queerness into a women's safe space. i feel like women who have been hurt by men are running to the wrong place a lot of the time. or they expect every other queer person to have the same trauma as them. like i think people in general are very queerphobic and assume that most queer people are women, for some reason?

i don't know why people view this as the "running away from men club". that's how terfs define the lesbian community. if you want to show people why this is dogshit, it's because that's literally how terfs define lesbianism. that's how rad fems define lesbianism. the "we hate men, we never want to be around men ever again, men are inherently dangerous" club is the lesbian separatism club.

people often say "why is there a lot of talk of lesbian supremacy lately?"

it's because so many people got indoctrinated into rad feminism without ever realizing it. queer communities are not the "we hate men" communities. those are rad fem communities.

so many queer spaces need to involve men, because men are very important in so many queer experiences. erasing their experiences and denying them the right to be in those spaces isn't helping anyone. if people want to be in all woman groups, they need to search specifically for that. if someone defines "lesbian" as "women's only safe space," they're looking for a women's space. honestly, maybe people just need to be nudged in the right direction. maybe not enough people know there are literal all woman safe spaces irl that help women with homelessness, sexual and domestic abuse, childcare, substance abuse, mental health, and many other resources.

sometimes there are behavioral health and crisis centers that accept just women. some psychiatric hospitals have spaces for just women. it really is possible to create, nurture and participate in womens only spaces. people are just trying to take over something they personally don't belong in, and it's insane that that's the norm right now. people are obsessed with going backwards in terms of progress in accepting diversity in queer lives.

anyway, i hate this shit, so i hope things improve for you soon, people are just. so proud of being mean right now. people are proud to be assholes and they take it out on disadvantaged men. isn't that sad? people are pissed off about patriarchy, the establishment ABOVE us, so they attack poor, mentally ill, disabled, neurodivergent, intersex, trans, queer men and men of color, as if that'll solve anything.