#i hope this makes sense what i wrote here i am actually very tired

[sygneth]

Echoes lore time! (And also my random DE thoughts about Harry's place!)

Reading the last page, you might have had a feeling we're going to see the inside of Harry's place soon, and you were right!

So to make everything clear (and because, in the first place, I had a place with a very specific plan in my head when I've been writing scenes at HDB's) i drew a lil cheat sheet.

(Yes. I like to make building plans. A lot.)

I believe Harry inherited this place, and thus he owes it. And also, this is why it's in a not-the-worst of tenement houses and in not-the worst standard. It was a place where they used to live with Dora, and I think he made it a sanctuary of a kind after she left. He never moved anything from its original place deliberately, and so the place slowly started to become a decaying memorial of a nonexistent relationship.

Harry's place is a whole big meta topic to explore and I feel like there is a lot to it in terms of the psychology of a place.

Assuming that he is still living in the same place as he used to when with Dora, oh boy. The bad days, when every single thing reminded him of her. The remorse, the memories, the past. A scratch over the floor, where she tripped while dancing. Her favourite mug, or rather the few pieces of it, after he broke it in a fit of rage. An empty space after a painting that she loved so much. The scratched wall over the bedhead. The bed itself.

Then, the better days, when he tried to take care of his apartment, but some things were already damaged beyond repair. The plants died, he could buy new ones, but he knew that, sooner or later, they'd share the previous one's fate. The ripped carpet, stained furniture, cracked tiles. Could be replaced, but sooner or later they'd share the previous one's fate. A scratched floor. The scratched floor.

And then, rather sooner than later, the days become bad again.

I don't think Harry liked to spend time at his place. Especially in the bedroom. Especially when he wanted to quit. There was too much past in there, staring at him from every corner, every crack of the floor. I think a good deal of his past relapses might have been caused by this place. Sometimes a forgotten something he found while cleaning it up, sometimes just the space itself, soaked with memories.

(And to all my faithful readers of Echoes, I just want to let you know I read every single one of your tags and comments and it always makes my day <3 Thank you for that everybody, and if I don't always reply to the comments, I want you to know I do read them and I do appreciate them a whole whole lot, life is just very overwhelming sometimes)

[random0lover]

Johnny ‘Soap’ Mactavish Head Canon’s - dad edition (kinda)

This all occurs some time after mw2 so I think Johnny would be about 27-28 (this is just my opinion so you don’t have to include this part if you don’t want.

Here’s a Pinterest board I made to go with this… kinda struggled with this one tbh

Notes: kinda got carried away and gave a backstory… this is messy af. Wrote all of this while I was super tired and my brain was only half computing so I hope it makes sense. Oh this also is not edited *cries in exhaustion*

Word Count: 3,500 (damn I got carried away)

Warnings: I don’t really think there are any, SFW, afab!reader, pregnancy, marriage, children, fluff.

- you two definitely had a whirlwind romance and probably met through a friend. Would love to say that you were a friend of Gaz.

- You knew he was on leave for almost 2 months (him and Soap were pretty messed up after a mission gone wrong) so you called him and he invited you out to a pub that he and his friend were going to that night.

- Once you got there and introductions were out of the way, Soap spent hours trying to make you laugh and trying to get to know you.

- The night ended with you helping a very drunk Gaz and Soap stumble back to Gaz’s flat. You spent the whole walk trying not to laugh when Soap would trip over his feet or when Gaz would start belting out lyrics to random songs.

- The next morning you woke up to a text from Soap- he had insisted on adding his number to your phone after his sixth drink- the contact name was a bar of soap. He was asking if you wanted to hang out again.

- You ended up spending everyday day together even if it was only for a few hours.

- It was the second week of his leave that you shared your first kiss. Gaz had gotten in contact with some of his other friends and you all went out for the night. You were standing out on the balcony of the little restaurant just staring at the view of the town below you.

- He joined you quietly- Johnny was never quiet unless he’s deep in thought- and it was a comfortable silence. Everything was comfortable with him and you’d honestly never gotten this close with anyone so fast and it kinda scared you.

- You know the whole situation where the girl says “beautiful isn’t it?” While she’s staring out at their surroundings and the guy says “yeah it really is” but he’s staring at her instead? Yeah that’s what happened that night on the roof.

- You felt his eyes on you so you looked over at him. He cupped both sides of your face while staring into your eyes and slowly leaned in to kiss you. You completed the kiss though.

- You didn’t sleep together that night but he did come home with you. You spent the whole night together just laying in bed with your head on his chest, sometimes just laying in silence, other moments were spent kissing and laughing. Just really enjoying each other’s company.

- It was the day before he and Gaz had to go back to base that you two finally made love. I don’t mean fucking I mean actually making love. There were tears sometimes coming from both of you but mainly you. You spent hours in bed getting to know each other's bodies.

- You woke up at about 2 am to him laying awake staring at the ceiling- he was confused tbh he’d never felt like this for anyone and he’d been with his fair share of people but no one had ever made him feel like you did-.

- You laid there with him just rubbing his chest when he told you he loved you. At first you didn’t know what to say. You knew the feelings you felt were more than just liking someone. So you told him you loved him too and made him promise to come back to you.

- He held you in his arms until you fell back asleep and when you woke he was gone. An old set of his dog tags lay on the pillow he slept on.

- You wore them around your neck only taking them off to shower and that’s it.

- It was four- almost five- months before you saw him again.

- You were rushing around your flat trying to get all your stuff together for a doctor's appointment when you heard a knock on your door. You opened it to find a fidgeting Johnny.

- Your mind was racing and you were trying not to panic. You honestly didn’t know if you would ever see him again. Your hand comes down to rest on your stomach, a habit you developed after finding out you were pregnant.

- You just staring at him with a slack jaw wasn’t helping his nerves one bit and you knew that but you couldn’t help it.

- “Bonnie?”

- As soon as the word left his mouth you let out a sob and leapt into his arms.

- He held you for a moment before pulling back to look at your tear streaked face before giving you a teasing smile, “Can I come in?”

- As soon as you stepped away from him your mind started racing but you let him in while you went to the kitchen to get yourself a bottle of water.

- You heard him go into the living room and didn’t think anything of it until you heard the duffel bag he was carrying fall onto the ground with a hard thump.

- He was standing by your coffee table holding an ultrasound picture that you got from your last doctor's appointment and you felt your mouth go dry.

- You didn’t know what to say. Today you were supposed to find out if it was a girl or a boy. You also knew for a fact that it was Johnny’s. He was the only person that you hand slept with in months and you didn’t get with anyone after he left.

- “It’s yours.”

- He didn’t say anything, just kept staring at that damn picture.

- You were starting to panic. You wouldn’t force him to stay, you promised yourself that if he wanted nothing to do with the baby that he didn’t have to stay. You made the choice of keeping the baby yourself. Once you found out you did try calling his phone but of course it went directly to voicemail as he kept that phone off when he was deployed.

- “Johnny,” you let the words start flowing, “You don’t have to stay, I don’t expect you too. I know with your work you were hesitant even getting into a relationship nevertheless having a baby so I’ll understand if you want to leave.”

- He’s frozen for a moment before he takes three long strides across the room and he’s kissing you.

- “Don’t say that, I could never leave you.” He’s covering your face in kisses and you can’t help but giggle and he smiles down at you with tear filled eyes.

- “You’re pregnant.” He whispers against your lips and you giggle again before nodding.

- “I was actually supposed to be finding out the gender today,” you look down at your watch covered wrist, “my appointment is in 15 minutes if you want to come.”

- He gives you a wide smile before giving you another kiss, “Then what are we waiting for?”

This is where the actual hc’s start if you want to skip the mini story above.

- This man could absolutely not hold still while sitting in the little plastic chair beside you. His eyes would be bouncing around, he’d be drumming his fingers against your hand, and he would be readjusting himself constantly.

- When he found out you were having a boy he was shocked. (Mini hc) He lived in a family of girls, no brothers just sisters so to think he would have a little mini him made him ecstatic.

- Feel like he would be the type to jump up and hug the doctor quickly lol (since you are laying down on the bed)

- He tried to bring up marriage but you didn’t want to get married just because you were having a baby. Instead you wanted to just keep dating until it felt like the time was actually right instead of just jumping into it.

- He had a flat back in Scotland which is where you end up relocating to since he has family there that could help while he was deployed. It had two bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms.

- He would be supportive of whatever birthing plan you choose as long as you and the baby come out safe and healthy.

- When you’re further along he does the thing where he stands behind you and lifts your belly to take some of the weight off your back.

- Will massage your feet whenever you ask.

- Before the baby is born anytime he goes out shopping he’ll come back with something for the baby to the point that you had to buy a shelf with cubbies to start putting it all in.

- The further along you get the more worried he is about you doing too much to the point he won’t even let you make it off the couch before he’s gently pushing you back down into the cushions saying he can do whatever it is you were needing/wanting to do.

- Calls his mom all the time to ask questions and if it’s too late to call you’ll often find him either on his phone or computer scrolling through articles.

- Definitely talks to the baby all the time. Sometimes he’ll crouch down and push his forehead against your stomach and start whispering things you can’t hear.

- Read somewhere that putting headphones over your belly and playing music can help the baby.

- Would love seeing you walk around the flat with just his shirt on, definitely gets turned on by how your stomach pushes the shirt out.

- You had spent hours ordering things for the baby's nursery and as things slowly got delivered you’d wake in the middle of the night and find Johnny sitting in the baby's room surrounded by empty boxes and random parts to things.

- It was a month before your delivery date when Johnny had to ship out again and for once he was scared. He knew he needed to come back to you. No matter what he couldn’t let the little boy in your stomach grow up without a dad.

- It took hours of reassurance from you and his family before he felt slightly okay with leaving. He honestly felt guilty, his job was insanely dangerous but when he first took the job he never saw himself being in an actual relationship, never mind having a kid.

- He left that night with his heart in his throat and a promise that he would be back as soon as possible and that he would be there when the baby was born.

- He almost didn’t make it. You had been in labor for hours though trying your hardest to wait until your baby’s father was there to hold your hand and cut the umbilical cord. He stumbled in still in all his gear other than his guns, he was frantic hoping that he made it in time.

- When he came in you let out a sigh of relief and within 20 minutes your little boy was born.

- Johnny cried. Idc what you have to say I totally believe this man would cry once he heard your baby’s screaming cries.

- The whole time he would be smothering you with praise about how good of a job you did. His hands would be shaking but the moment he held his little boy he had never felt more grounded in his life.

- Would definitely want to pick a name that had meaning to you both.

- The only time he moved away from you was to cut the umbilical cord and to go to the bathroom, otherwise he never left your side. Not once.

- He did absolutely everything he could to help with your healing after the birth.

- When the baby would cry at night he would be out of bed before you could even hear it. Sometimes though he would wake to find your side of the bed empty. He would rush into the nursery feeling horrible for the fact that you had to wake up but it would all be washed away when he would see your happy little smile.

- If you had PPD, he would do anything he could to help. Even offering a few good therapists.

- Once you were okay with being alone he would try to find a day where he and the baby could be out of the flat for a few hours so that you could have time to do whatever you wanted to do. Showering, napping, gaming, reading, anything you wanted to do. He just wanted to make sure you had the time.

- Bath time is his favorite.

- Buys a bunch of little water safe toys and would sit in the tub with your precious baby and spend so much time just playing.

- Nap time. Would totally fall asleep just holding your little boy.

- Baby boy is a carbon copy of him when it comes to energy so by the end of the night they're both exhausted.

- Fast forward two years and Johnny thought it was time to propose. He decided to take you back to the little restaurant where you shared your first kiss. Before that though you spent hours having fun, walking around town and even went back to the pub you met at.

- As the night got closer to an end he became super nervous. You could tell something was up because he kept talking too fast and some moments would become dead silent.

- For his sake though you were going to pretend you didn’t notice.

- Totally wanted to do the whole ring in a champagne glass thing but was scared you would swallow it lmao.

- Instead he opted to get you a little puppy and on its collar the name tag said “will you marry me?”

- When you looked up you found Johnny down on one knee with a beaming smile.

- Stumbled through his speech and completely abandoned the one he had planned and written.

- You decided to go with a traditional Scottish wedding just a few months later.

- Once you were back from your honeymoon you and Johnny decided that is was time to find a bigger place as your son was getting bigger and bigger as the days went by.

- It was an older two story brick country home that had been renovated by the sellers. 4 bedroom 3 bath with an attached garage, it was on 4 acres of land, leaving plenty of space for the kids to grow into.

- Johnny is kinda a pain in the ass to pack with. He would be going through things to pack and would get so easily distracted, telling the stories behind each item.

- He would also have the role of distracting your son so that you could pack stuff without getting side tracked every two seconds.

- Would probably call Gaz and make his ass come help lmao and this leads to you having the whole task force lugging boxes and furniture around like it’s nothing. They would all insist that they didn’t need your help but would be ecstatic when you called into the back of the house that you made sandwiches.

- Fast forward about two years. Your son is 4 now.

- You had the whole group in your home. Johnny liked to have them all over for a meal the first week they were back from a deployment (he likes to tell them that you’re the one that’s asking them all to be there)

- That’s the night you tell him you’re pregnant. Zoom forwards some months and you find out it’s twin girls.

- Johnny passed out 💀

- This was a planned pregnancy 100%. You both wanted this pregnancy to be different from the first. Not that you weren’t grateful for that pregnancy, you both just didn’t want any surprises.

- He would make jokes about it being a two for one deal all the time.

- Would totally be willing to get a vasectomy after the girls were born.

- You were both happy with the amount of children you had and honestly didn’t want anymore.

- Playful dad completely. Can be serious when he needs to be though which is honestly not often but as the kids get older his stricter side would have to come out.

- Totally the type of dad that would wander into the kitchen to see what the kids are making and when they’re not looking would snatch some of whatever it is.

- Would be the dad to offer your kid a drink of beer because he knows they wouldn’t like it and it makes him laugh 💀

- Would build a tree house for them and as they get older would add more to it.

- When trick or treating he would secretly be eating the kid’s candy.

- birthday parties are so important to this man. Literally goes all out with a theme of the kids' choice. Like the house or whoever the party is being held looks like it got pulled out of the game/movie/book.

- Family game nights and movie nights.

- He would be so happy if any of your kids got into football as he loved it himself when he was a kid.

- Handles tantrums with distractions. Like handing them a glass of water or just helping them reload focus. King at handling tantrums. (He almost cried every time until he learned what to do.)

- Anytime you leave them all alone you know they’d be up to some mischief. One time you came home to see them all covered in paint in the backyard.

- Laser tag enthusiast. Your kids 100% got their competitiveness from him.

- Big on encouraging your kids to follow their dreams.

- He’s super amazing at science (mini hc 🤷🏻‍♀️) but when it comes to Language Arts he is like no help.

- Would go all out on science fairs and honestly just loves to help the kid with school projects.

- Had so much fun teaching them how to ride a bike but is the type to make them wear full gear complete with knee pads, elbow pads, helmet, and maybe even shin pads.

- Super protective dad.

- Would hold the same standard for all of your kids, doesn’t matter if they are a girl or a boy they are not dating until they turn 16.

- When introduced to girlfriends/boyfriends he would be completely welcoming but would have the underlying tone of “istg if you hurt my kid”.

- Would be accepting if any of your kids were part of lgbtq+ community. Would probably tell them about his “adventures” of his early 20’s *wink wink*

- Would teach all of them self defense and even how to use a few select weapons like knives, guns, and how to form a weapons out of “nothing” (what you have around)

- Would get tears in his eyes on prom night but would joke about using protection.

- Would not be ashamed about teaching your kids about safe sex. He knows at their age he was having sex and he would prefer for them to be safe and aware rather than being lost and making bad decisions.

- Patient dad energy fr. Would not yell at the kids when they're having to hold a flashlight for him but instead would try to keep a calm tone and maybe even show them what exactly he needs them to do.

- Teaches them how to make harmless little rockets. Nothing too serious and would only shoot a few feet into the air.

- First aid. Would make them take actual classes to make them become certified if for any reason they would need it.

- Would do spa nights with your daughters. Meaning face masks, letting them paint his nails, and would let them convince him to wax his nose hairs (only one time though cause it hurt like a bitch)

- Would want them to know that they can call him about anything. Even if it’s something they're scared of getting in trouble for. He would ensure them that their safety and well being tops everything so making sure they're okay would come before any punishments.

- Honestly, I don't think he would be too keen on punishments. Would prefer to sit down and talk about why they did what they did and would have a punishment that would focus on making sure they understood why what they did wasn’t okay.

- Chill dad until he’s not. Don’t fuck with his kids… that’s one way to get on his bad side

- Was super emotional when dropping them off at Uni.

- If they chose not to go to uni he would be supportive but would want to know their plans.

I think that’s it… this was a mess and I feel like it was more of a story type thing rather than hc’s *sigh* my brain is scrambled. I’m sorry if this is bad 😭

Requests are open but can’t guarantee when or if I’ll write them. I prefer more specific requests as I find them easier to write. Thanks for reading my loves <3

[perpetualproductions]

If We Were Vampires (Pt. 1)

(name wip) (yes, pt.1 does imply more than one part. I wrote more than I thought I did.)

-Jordan Li is turned into a Vampire. What now?

-A Limoreau fic, with a focus on Jordan Li as a vampire.

-Did you read the part about Jordan Li being a vampire?

-NOT edited by any means. This was written at 4 am, so pls forgive any spelling/grammar errors

~ 2k words

CW: mentions of alcohol, mentions of drugs, descriptions of blood (can't think of any other, let me know if there are).

Masterlist | Next->

When Jordan came too, they had no idea where they were, but wherever it was, it was cold and dark, and they were laying down on a hard wet surface. Which they realized was the damp concrete ground. They went to move, but their eyes shut quickly as they winced in pain, hand quickly going to massage their neck. Who knew laying on the ground gave you a very sore neck. They slowly sat up, opening their eyes and taking in their surroundings. They were in some back alley way, laying against some trash bags and discarded cardboard boxes. The only thing providing Jordan with any light was the moon that hung above them. They rubbed their eyes, hoping they would better adjust to the dark, as they ran their small hands through their bob and let out a breath.

How did they get here? How long had they been out? They tried their best to recall their day, but it was all foggy. They remember waking up this morning in bed. It was cold so they decided to stay cuddled in the covers and… Marie was there, as she had been for a few mornings now. They had their first class together, but had to split off for the rest of the day. They planned on meeting up at a party Emma had mentioned to them taking place in some rich kid’s apartment in the city (well, their parents fancy ass apartment, but they were out of town or something). This is where things got foggy…

They vaguely remember driving to the party, excited to see Marie and the rest of their friends there after a long day of school work. Then, something happened… they don't remember what exactly, but it had grabbed their attention. And now, here they are, seemingly hours later, sitting in a dark alleyway with a sore neck.

Had they gone to the party and just partied too hard? No, that didn't sound right. Whatever caused Jordan to black out must have been serious, cause they do not black out easily. They were really worried now. They needed to get back to campus, figure out what the hell happened, and they needed to find Marie, make sure she was okay. They hope whatever happened to them didn't happen to Marie too.

They quickly pat their pockets down, trying to find their phone, but nothing. No phone, wallet, keys… maybe they were mugged and they were too drunk to do anything? Who fucking knows at this rate.

Tired of just sitting there and letting their thoughts spiral, Jordan pushed themselves up to their feet, needing to grab the wall as they swayed a bit. They did feel a bit woozy, but not in a drunk sort of way. It was more of a “they haven't eaten all day” kind of lightheadedness. Speaking of… they actually found themselves feeling very hungry. Their stomach felt empty like they hadn't eaten in days. It was almost painful. How long were they even out here? There were too many questions and not enough action. They needed to get back to campus.

—

Jordan had been wandering for a while. It must have been real late, cause not many people seemed to be out. They were definitely on the sketchier side of town, opting to switch into their male form after some looks thrown their way by the city night dwellers. Their iconic bomber jacket wasn't doing much to stave off the cold night. It usually did the job, but for some reason they just couldn't stop shivering. On top of their pained stomach, they developed a pounding headache. Every light was too bright and every sound too loud. It's like their senses were being overwhelmed, even in the relatively still night. They were really starting to think they got whammied by some supe and dumped out in an alley as some fucked up prank. Whatever or whoever was behind it was gonna be in for it once Jordan finds out.

They finally came across some streets they recognized and followed them to the main road that would take them back to Godolkin. At this rate, they were really hoping to hitch a ride, cause that walk was gonna be excruciatingly long.

As luck would have it, after walking along the road for about 20 minutes, they heard a car coming up from behind them. They looked back and caught what looked to be a red pickup truck. They quickly brought their thumb up, displaying the universal hitchhiking sign.

They breathed a sigh of relief as they watched the truck slow to a stop right next to them. In the driver's seat was a young woman with dark blonde hair, wearing a simple white shirt with a red coat over top. Jordan admits that they were a bit surprised, definitely expecting some creepy old dude that would offer to drive them up to his farm just to be murdered. But Jordan should know better than to stereotype.

“Hey there, what are you doing out here so early?” The woman asked kindly. Even though one could see the tiredness in her eyes, she spoke with a polite smile on her face.

Jordan slowly approached the car window, keeping a fair distance just to be safe. Sure they were currently indestructible, but God were they still in pain. They really tried to not let it show though, as they returned a similarly polite smile. “Hey, I uh, sort of got ditched by my friends at a party, and I don't have a ride. Do you think I could catch a ride to Godolkin University? It shouldn't be too far ahead… please.” Jordan added, making sure they were being polite. They were really getting tired of walking.

“Godolkin University? That's the Supe college, right?” She asked.

Jordan just nodded tightly in response, the pounding in their head still persistent.

Whether she noticed they were in pain or not, they didn't know, but she did give them a slightly sympathetic look. “Alright, hop in. It's only a ten minute drive or so from here.”

Jordan breathed in relief as they made their way to the backseat of the truck. They thought about sitting in the passenger seat, but sitting in the back felt a bit safer, like this was just an Uber ride and not a stranger picking up a hitchhiker. “Thank you so much, ma’am.”

“Oh, please don't call me ma'am. I'm only 32. Rebecca is just fine, thank you.”

“Right. Sorry. Thanks, Rebecca.” Jordan reiterated.

“No problem. I was heading in that direction anyway, so it's really no trouble. You also don't look to be doing so well. Should probably take it easy on the partying.” She commented lightheartedly.

Jordan gave a tight smile. “Yeah, you're probably right.”

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Well, it was silent for one of them… For Jordan, it was almost torture. The pounding in their head was getting louder and louder, echoing in their ears. They could barely think straight. They thought about Marie in that moment, and her ability to hear heartbeats. Was this what it was like? The constant thrumming in your ears? Marie had mentioned once that she had to learn to tune out all the noise, learning to hone in and focus on one at a time. They weren't sure why, but Jordan tried to do just that, closing their eyes and focusing on their heartbeat. And that's when they noticed it… there were two sets of beating. It wasn't just coming from their head. Jordan opened their eyes and almost immediately they were drawn to Rebecca. More specifically, her neck.

It's like they could feel her pulse beating from there, their eyes focussing on the feeling. Suddenly, they felt their stomach growl, reminding them of their hunger. The world around them started to blur. All Jordan could focus on was this woman's neck. It was almost animalistic, the way their mouth slowly fell open, salivating when a slight breeze wafted her scent towards them.

It took a while for them to register that they were being spoken to, being pulled out of their trance when they realized the car had stopped moving.

“Hey, did you hear me? If you're gonna be sick, puke outside of my car, okay?” The woman spoke seriously.

Jordan's eyes flicked between her face and her neck, the pull still there. They swallowed as they tried to compose themselves. “I- sorry. I just… need a minute.” Jordan mumbled as they stumbled their way out of the car, cause they did feel sick, but not from any hangover. They felt sick to their core, like if they didn't satiate their hunger they would die. They got out of the car as fast as they could, the feelings were overwhelming, they felt as though they couldn't breathe.

They bent over, resting their hands on their knees as they tried to breath, trying to focus on anything else than the alluring scent coming from the woman in the car. Suddenly, they felt a hand on their shoulder. Jordan jerked away from the touch, turning around only to be face to face with Rebecca. She was about the same height as they were in their current male form, which meant their eyes didn't have to travel far to reach her neck.

She had a worried look on her face as she watched Jordan seemingly dazed as they stared at her neck. “Hey kid, are you sure you're alright?” She spoke slowly as she leaned in a bit closer to grab their attention. And that was her last mistake…

Before Jordan could even register anything, they found themselves leaning forward, grabbing Rebecca and bringing their mouth to her neck. They felt their teeth ache for a second before diving in and biting down on her neck. They felt her skin break as their teeth sank in, releasing what they didn't even know they were craving till now. Blood. It was sweet and tangy, the most delicious thing they've tasted. The second it hit their tongue, they knew they needed more. So they stood there, clinging onto this woman's body as they sucked more and more of her blood out of her body. Jordan felt them slowly go limp in their arms, having to hold them up as they continued feeding. It felt so good, so invigorating. The hunger and pain they felt moments before faded away and was replaced by pleasure.

Before they knew it, there was no more blood to drink, as they finally pulled away from her neck. That's when everything came crashing back. The hungry haze they were previously in lifted, yanking them back into reality. They looked down at the body in their arms… cold, limp, lifeless. The clear bite mark on her neck that looked like it came from an animal shook Jordan to their core. They froze in horror. They couldn't believe it, this couldn't be real. This had to be some fucked up dream they were having and they'll wake up any minute now, in their warm bed with Marie cuddled up with them. But no. No matter how much they tried, they weren't waking up from this.

After a minute or so, they snapped out of their frozen state. They couldn't stay there, they had to do something. In a panic, they dropped the woman's body, watching it fall and hit the ground with a graceless thud. Just then they saw just how much of a mess they made. The woman's previously white shirt, now stained red like her coat. Jordan looked down at their own clothing, their own white shirt also stained red with blood. They look up and catch their reflection in the car window. They stand there stunned, staring at themselves, their entire chin stained with blood, their lips now a deep red. In a panic Jordan tries to wipe the blood off, not being very successful. Their heart was racing, their mind going into overdrive, and without a second thought, they switched into their female form and began to run away.

--

Hope you enjoyed!!

Might also post on AO3, haven't decided yet.

🫢 (part 2 is already written. Could probably release it later today. Who knows.)

[wordbunch]

hopeless (Pippin x f!reader) pt. 2

PART ONE HERE

a/n: MY PRECIOUS FLOWERS the fix-it fic is here!!! i'm sorry i made you sad with the first part, but i'm grateful for ALL the love it got, seriously! i hope you enjoy this fluffy piece and that it heals the heartbreak i've caused... please be so kind to reblog, and definitely let me know your thoughts abt it!!!

fsr these lyrics were on my mind as i wrote: yeah i showed up at your party / will you have me? will you love me? / will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? / if you kiss me will it be just like i dreamed it? / will it patch your broken wings? / i’m only 17, i don’t know anything / but i know i miss you

The world was blurry, but felt a touch more kind when [y/n] gradually started coming to her senses, happy to feel a pillow under her head instead of dirt and pebbles. However, she was only slightly scared to fully open her eyes, not knowing what she would be met with after everything that happened… how many days ago? Hours? She could not tell. Her surroundings were quiet, but not eerily quiet, grayish sunlight seeping through a singular window and- someone’s hand enclosed around her own.

Despite the pain and tiredness, her curiosity got the best of her and she finally dared to open her eyes and learn where she was - and apparently who she was with. A small makeshift bed under a window was where she found herself, and Pippin was slumped half on it, half on the floor, one hand folded under his head and another one holding her own. He was facing the direction opposite of her, so he didn’t see when she opened her eyes, but as soon as her free hand went to her side to check for bandages, his head shot up, and he looked simultaneously very awake and very tired.

For a few moments they just stood blinking at each other in confusion, but as soon as he moved slightly in order to inch closer to her, she anxiously gripped his hand.

“Please don’t leave me,” she pleaded with a desperate crack in her voice. Regardless, it was his favorite voice that he had ever heard. He squeezed her hand in return, settling closer so that they were eye to eye with each other.

“Am I dreaming?” Pippin wondered aloud, as he looked her up and down, and then to their joined hands. [y/n] felt her heart swelling. 

“I think not,” she replied, touching the tip of his nose with her finger, “or we both are dreaming. what concoction did you heal me with?” she joked, and he still looked as if he was in a daze. Was she actually awake and talking to him and not removing her hand from his?

After a few seconds of stunned silence, he answered her. “Aragorn was the one who healed you,” he fiddled with her fingers, “I was just- just there. But I can leave you be, now, if you want.”

“I most certainly don’t,” [y/n]  replied, figuring it was finally the time to gather her courage and her feelings and make something out of them, and not wait for another brush with death. “I never want you to go, and I never did, I-I just didn’t know how to say it without risking ruining one of the most precious friendships in my life,” she confessed. “I’m afraid I don’t know how to say anything more beautiful than all those things you told me the other day.” she looked up sheepishly at a very wide-eyed Pippin, whose cheeks were starting to heat up rapidly.

“Y-you remember what I said?” he inquired hesitantly, not sure what kind of answer to prepare for. Sure, he was always an optimist, but did he really think [y/n] would be in love with him? Partially he braced himself for a kind rejection, but the stubborn part of him already went ahead with planning how to perfectly kiss a perfect person. Either way, he couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze.

“I remember everything you say,” she smiled, resting a hand on his cheek and snapping him out of his spiraling thoughts. “Well, most of it anyway, you can talk a lot,” she chuckled, and he responded with a short, nervous laughter. It was strange to see him, of all people, being tense. “But yes, I remember,” she paused, looking down for a split second before meeting his eyes, “I love you… and you still need to show me the Shire,” she grinned at him, very amused by the absolute shock that was evident on his features. 

“B-but you can go to Rivendell afterwards, or-” Pippin stuttered, as he mentally cursed himself for not being more prepared for that conversation - he’d had quite some time while [y/n] was in a deep sleep - but he always got carried away with his daydreams of living happily ever after by her side. He didn’t consider that any of that might be a real possibility, and for goodness' sake, why was his brain now actively trying to make him reject her first, so that he didn’t have to get heartbroken? 

“I have been to Gondor, I have been to Rivendell, Lórien, all those magical places,” she spoke with a dreamy, faraway look on her face, and he began to think that was the moment in which she would turn him down once and for all. Surely she didn’t romantically love him and she was just being cordial, as per usual. “And they are truly beautiful. But I was never happy in any of them as much as I am with you. Even here, on this terribly uncomfortable bed, even back there after the battle, when I thought I’d never get the chance to tell you that I am in love with you. I have been ever since that one night when we stayed up talking until sunrise and Gandalf looked as though he would end us both.”

At an absolute loss for words, with his face on fire and a racing heartbeat, there was only one thing left for Pippin to do - lean in close enough to press his lips to [y/n]’s, who responded instantly, one hand winding up in his hair. He had no idea what to say to all the heartfelt words she had just spilled, and even less how to properly kiss, which didn’t mean he wasn’t going to give it his all. He thought his heart was going to give out when he felt [y/n] smiling into the kiss, and he pulled away just enough to lean his forehead against hers. 

“I must be the first person ever to leave you speechless,” she joked quietly, brushing her nose against his. “Quite an achievement.”

“I think you said more beautiful things than I did,” he confessed sheepishly.

“Oh, shut up,” she playfully smacked him on the shoulder, making him laugh, finally relaxed. The way she was looking up at him made him weak in the knees.

“Do you want me to speak or do you want me to shut up, then?” he teased back, fighting an urge to crush her in the tightest of hugs but too scared of hurting her already injured side. 

“First, I want you to kiss me again,” she replied, pulling him closer once again, “and then I want you to tell me about all those things you promised to show me when I go to the Shire with you.”

taglist my beloved

@starlady66 @queenmeriadoc @entishramblings @sweetpea-thoughts @thesolarangel @silversword7000 @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @averys-place @valkyriepirate @emmaarenstarr @noldorinpainter @asianbutnotjapanese @adamgetawaydriver @fenharel-enaste @ironmandeficiency @starryeyedrogue @dinofromspac3 @wisheduponastar @lady-of-imladris @frodo-cinnamonroll @unethicallypleistocene @deadlymistletoe @suncran @high-sea-husbands @asianbutnoteastasian @aidansloth

[108garys]

Little Hope 1692 puritan dialogue

Okay so I've been working on this for the past few days and it was just as painful as it looks, in an attempt to figure out the way the puritan's speak so I can actually write fic set in their era that would come off as authentic to the games depictions of not entirely accurate to life, I have transcribed all of their dialogue across the 15 1692 scenes and compiled them here. There are instances where scenes of parts of scenes are repeated to include variations and places that may not make sense as I wrote exclusively 1600s character's dialogue, I don't claim there are no typos or stray line of dialogue missed(I ignored Mary singing ring around the rosey as its a commonly known song for example), I found the whole process to be educational and painful I feel that it helped me get to my goal and hopefully I'll be able to write something in that era I feel confident in and I truely hope the rest of you can also benefit from my very autistic labour of love

(Edit: added a few missed lines)

Well that's enough of that, get to it 😁

Scene one Amy and Mary Mary: What is your name sir? Mary: Ann-drew. Mary: And your name lady? Mary: I am called Mary. Mary: I fashioned her with my own hand. Mary: She looks just like the one beside you! Mary: would you kindly come play with me? Mary: Come play… Mary: Come play with me. Amy: What witch's trickery is this now, Mary? Mary: I have done nothing. Amy: Hold your tongue! I see what you truly are, Mary. Amy: Reverend Carver's affection for you will be shaken loose when he learns of your infidelity with the Devil! Mary: Amy, come back here!

Scene two Amy(curious) Amy: Who are you? Amy: What is it you want from me? Amy: These are most troubling times. Amy: Stay away! Amy: Please Lord I beg you. Amy: Rid me of these apparitions. Amy: Fix your gaze elsewhere! You are no husband of mine.

Scene two Amy(aggressive) Amy: Who are you? Amy: What is it you want from me? Amy: Hell…? Amy: Strangers are not welcome in Little Hope. Amy: Stay away! Amy: Begone demon! Your spells will not work on me! Amy: Please Lord I beg you. Amy: Rid me of these apparitions. Amy: Fix your gaze elsewhere! You are no husband of mine.

Scene three Mary and Carver(intervene) Mary: Quiet now! I will not be caught! Mary: Get away or he will find me! Carver: Come on out, Mary. I know very well you are in there. Mary: Please no, let me go! Carver: I will release you once I am sure you will not speak of our secret. Carver: Your childish games tire me. Carver: You will respect me and say nothing. Mary: No. Carver: What spell have you cast? Carver: I am frozen to my marrow. Mary: I have done nothing. Amy is the caster of spells. Mary: She is the one in league with the devil. Mary: I saw her in the forest together with her familiars. I am innocent! Carver: I will have the truth one way or another. Carver: You come with me girl! Mary: Thank you kindly… Carver: Be silent child.

Scene three Mary and Carver(don't intervene) Mary: Quiet now! I will not be caught! Mary: Get away or he will find me! Carver: Come on out, Mary. I know very well you are in there. Mary: Please no, let me go! Carver: I will release you once I am sure you will not speak of our secret. Carver: Your childish games tire me. Carver: You will respect me and say nothing. Mary: Do not abandon me here, please. Carver: Who are you pleading with? Carver: evil clings to you. That is plain to see. Mary: You are mistaken, I am a child, the devil has no time for me. Mary: Amy is the one who he craves, I have seen it with my own eyes. Carver: I will have the truth one way or another. Carver: You come with me girl!

Scene four carver and the Lamberts(confront) Joseph: The back door is locked. What troubles you? Joseph: Tell me, what is happening? Amy soon they will come for me. Joseph: Calm yourself wife. Who is coming for you? Amy: They are taking about me. There are accusations. Joseph: Accusations of what sort? Amy: There is talk I am in league with the devil, that I am guilty of witchcraft. Joseph: There is no sense in that. Who would say such a thing? Amy: I, I cannot rightly say… Joseph: Stay where you are. Joseph: Hold your tongue. Joseph: You are privy to the rumors about my wife Amy? Carver: Open the door Joseph, this instance. Joseph: Enough of your foolishness, tell me precisely what you know. Joseph: Tell me about her. Joseph: Reverend Carver? The one now beating on our door? Amy: Mary… Joseph: Come now Mary! Mary? Amy: Mary saw me in the woods a day or so back. I was about my daily business, nothing more. Joseph: There is more to this. Amy: Mary does not like me chiding her, perhaps she has spoken out against me. Amy: She has a temper. Joseph: You suggest the rumours are Mary's doing? She is a troubled child for sure but this is beyond her. Carver: Joseph, this ends badly if you do not open up. Carver: You will be in contempt of our warrant. Amy: What plan do we have? Joseph: I will resolve this, my word on it. Amy: Do not admit them! Joseph: Reverend Carver, Marshal. Carver: I have here a legally written warrant for the arrest of Amy. Joseph: My wife has done nothing wrong… Carver: There is a witness to your wife speaking in tongues. Joseph: who accuses my wife? Carver: Mary. Joseph: The word of a child condemns my wife! Carver: You will deliver yourself into the Marshal's hands, for your own good. Joseph: Then I must accompany her, she will not leave my sight. Carver: Such actions will not aid your wife's cause. Trust in justice. Joseph: Do not fear. I will find a way to resolve this…

Scene four(do nothing) Joseph: You are privy to the rumors about my wife Amy? Carver: Open the door Joseph, this instance. Joseph: Enough of your foolishness, tell me precisely what you know. Joseph: Something ails you, what? Joseph: You seem changed, even your attire. Carver: Joseph, this ends badly if you do not open up. Carver: You will be in contempt of our warrant. Amy: What plan do we have? Joseph: I will resolve this, my word on it. Amy: Do not admit them! Joseph: Reverend Carver, Marshal. Carver: I have here a legally written warrant for the arrest of Amy. Joseph: My wife has done nothing wrong… Carver: There is a witness to your wife speaking in tongues. Joseph: who accuses my wife? Carver: Mary. Joseph: The word of a child condemns my wife! Carver: You will deliver yourself into the Marshal's hands, for your own good. Joseph: Then I must accompany her, she will not leave my sight. Carver: Such actions will not aid your wife's cause. Trust in justice. Joseph: Do not fear. I will find a way to resolve this…

Scene four carver and the Lamberts(leave) Joseph: The back door is locked. What troubles you? Joseph: Tell me, what is happening? Amy soon they will come for me. Joseph: Calm yourself wife. Who is coming for you? Amy: They are taking about me. There are accusations. Joseph: Accusations of what sort? Amy: There is talk I am in league with the devil, that I am guilty of witchcraft. Joseph: There is no sense in that. Who would say such a thing? Amy: I, I cannot rightly say… Joseph: Stay where you are. Joseph: Hold your tongue. Joseph: You are privy to the rumors about my wife Amy? Amy: Please sir, do not open that door. Joseph: Do not let them take me, I beg you husband. Carver: I am hear to arrest your wife, Joseph. Carver: I have the legal warrant here. Joseph: My wife has done nothing wrong… Carver: There is a witness to your wife speaking in tongues. Joseph: who accuses my wife? Carver: Mary. Joseph: The word of a child condemns my wife! Carver: You will deliver yourself into the Marshal's hands, for your own good. Joseph: Then I must accompany her, she will not leave my sight. Carver: Such actions will not aid your wife's cause. Trust in justice. Joseph: Do not fear. I will find a way to resolve this…

Scene five Amy(phone section, all versions mixed) Amy: As I walked, a man and a woman appeared at my front. Amy: I had not seen them approach. I reached out in fear. Amy: I did not know them. Their clothes and manner of speaking were not familiar to me. Amy: They spoke of things that I could not make sense of. Amy: I swear I do not know where he came from or what he wanted of me. Amy: I could not make sense of the things he spoke of, you must believe me I beg you! Amy: I stand falsely accused of crimes I know nothing of. Amy: You are not my husband! Amy: You have no authority over me! Amy: You are mistaken if you believe I am cowed by you!

Scene five (proper)Amy, Joseph, carver, Mary, wyman, David, Tabitha Carver: Come here girl. I would speak with you. Carver: You cannot talk of our secret. Carver: Eternal damnation awaits you if you do. Carver: We have an understanding do we not? Mary: No evil words shall leave my lips. Carver: Should you breathe a word, or the edge of a word, about… the other things… Carver: Then I will come to you in the black of some terrible night and bring a reckoning that will shudder you. Wyman: Come now Reverend let us begin, time has gone begging. Carver: Go be with your kin. Carver: I beseech this court and good Judge Wyman, do not be fooled by the protestations of the accused. Carver: The devil is the master of deceit, all his servants feign innocence. Carver: They can do little else. Amy: I solemnly swear before God, I am innocent of all accusations against me. Carver: Hush now, Amy.

Scene five(apprehensive) Amy: I mean no offense Reverend Carver…but I do not believe any of my neighbors, those who know me best, will speak out against me. Amy: They know who I am, that I side with the righteous. Carver: I will not be caught in the web of your deception. Carver: the devil hides himself where he is least expected. Joseph: My wife is no devil's plaything, Reverend! Joseph: I beg the court's forgiveness, but I stand by my statement. Joseph: My wife Amy is innocent. Carver: I respectfully ask this good court to pay no mind to the words of a man whose very home is foul with the stench of brimstone. Carver: I beg you good judge let us conclude our business here without further ado. Carver: Lest we afford the forces of darkness the opportunity to bend these proceedings to there will. Mary: No! David: Mary?! Tabitha: Mary, my sister what ails you? Carver: What have you done to this child? Mary: They are here among us! Carver: You have bound an innocent girl into a pact with the Devil himself. Carver: the poor creature seems possessed, no doubt your doing. Amy: Its not true Reverend, why have you taken against me so? Carver: We will see the truth of it! Carver: Amy, lay your hands on Mary, let us see what occurs. Carver: If I am correct your touch will release her from this affliction. Carver: It must be so if you are the one who bewitched her. Mary: They are here among us… They are here among us… Amy: No! Carver: What more proof is needed that the Devil walks among us in Little Hope! Carver: Take heed and pray, the Devil is here in this very room, protect yourselves, seek out the Lord…

Scene five(intense) Amy: I beg you not to abandon me. Wyman: By all that is holy, with whom are you conversing, woman? Wyman: Even though I have seen this with my own eyes, I scarcely believe it. Carver: Amy is lost to us. Carver: Even now she pleads for evil spirits to remain by her side. Amy: You must help me, I beg you… Carver: I would ask the court to hear direct testimony, a witness who saw with her own eyes the accused take part in some unspeakable satanic ritual, in the woods outside this very town. Joseph: Reverend Carver you mislead us all! Joseph: Forgive me good Judge but it is my wife who stands accused and I know her to be innocent. Carver: I would not be so quick as to cast stones at others, Joseph. Carver: Not when your own conduct does not bear scrutiny. Amy: Please hear me good Judge, all accusations against me are false, they are founded only in malice. Wyman: If there be darkness among us I will shine- Mary: No! David: Mary?! Tabitha: Mary, my sister what ails you? Carver: What have you done to this child? Mary: They are here among us! Carver: You have bound an innocent girl into a pact with the Devil himself. Carver: the poor creature seems possessed, no doubt your doing. Amy: Its not true Reverend, why have you taken against me so? Carver: We will see the truth of it! Carver: Amy, lay your hands on Mary, let us see what occurs. Carver: If I am correct your touch will release her from this affliction. Carver: It must be so if you are the one who bewitched her. Mary: They are here among us… They are here among us… Amy: No! Carver: What more proof is needed that the Devil walks among us in Little Hope! Carver: Take heed and pray, the Devil is here in this very room, protect yourselves, seek out the Lord…

Scene five(enraged) Mary: No! David: Mary?! Tabitha: Mary, my sister what ails you? Carver: What have you done to this child? Mary: They are here among us! Carver: You have bound an innocent girl into a pact with the Devil himself. Carver: the poor creature seems possessed, no doubt your doing. Amy: Its not true Reverend, why have you taken against me so? Carver: We will see the truth of it! Carver: Amy, lay your hands on Mary, let us see what occurs. Carver: If I am correct your touch will release her from this affliction. Carver: It must be so if you are the one who bewitched her. Joseph: Who speaks? David: Who is there? Tabitha: God preserve us. Amy: Please help me! I beg you! Carver: Your master cannot help you now, it is too late. Mary: They are here among us… They are here among us… Amy: No! Carver: What more proof is needed that the Devil walks among us in Little Hope! Carver: Take heed and pray, the Devil is here in this very room, protect yourselves, seek out the Lord…

Scene five( approach Joseph) Joseph: I beg the court's forgiveness, but I stand by my statement. Joseph: My wife Amy is innocent. Carver: I respectfully ask this good court to pay no mind to the words of a man whose very home is foul with the stench of brimstone. Wyman: I feel a chilll in my bones. What manner of evil is this? Carver: The beast has his malevolent gaze upon us, his servant is among us. Amy: The supposed evidence against me is little more than spiteful imaginings. Wyman: If there be darkness among us I will shine-

Scene six Amy, Carver and Joseph(confused) Carver: In this year of our Lord Sixteen Hundred and Ninety Two: We are here present to bear witness to a just execution. Joseph: No! Carver: Amy is declared guilty of consorting with the Devil… and is to be drowned as a witch and a Sorceress. Carver: Let us pray in silence for her soul. Amy: I have done no wrong… I am no witch… I do not deserve death! Amy: …I beg you! Amy: Your words have little meaning to me but I beg you, help me. Carver: The Devil is in the wind, seeking to help his own. Carver: He would release her from the chains! Carver: Isaac, let us conclude our business here swiftly. The will of the court must be imposed before its too late! Carver: The devil fortifies her. You must bind her tightly. Amy: You cannot do this! Carver: Isaac, fulfill the will of the court! Amy: I am innocent! Help me! Carver: Send this witch back into the lap of her master, lest he come for us all. Amy: Too late! Amy: Little Hope is already lost, shrouded in evil. Amy: But not as you claim, from witchcraft or outside demons, we are poisoned from within. Carver: You will not save yourself with riddles. Amy: There is no riddle. Amy: The devil takes many forms, you know that better than any. Amy: In Little Hope, he has his himself under a shroud of innocence. Amy: Taken the form of a child, my accuser! Amy: While Mary still draws breath, Little Hope remains beyond salvation. Amy: There lies your evil, Reverend! In your very midst. Carver: Isaac.

Scene six Amy, Carver and Joseph(confused) Carver: In this year of our Lord Sixteen Hundred and Ninety Two: We are here present to bear witness to a just execution. Joseph: No! Carver: Amy is declared guilty of consorting with the Devil… and is to be drowned as a witch and a Sorceress. Carver: Let us pray in silence for her soul. Amy: I have done no wrong… I am no witch… I do not deserve death! Amy: …I beg you! Amy: Please sir… Amy: You must help me… you must! Carver: The Devil is in the wind, seeking to help his own. Carver: He would release her from the chains! Carver: Isaac, let us conclude our business here swiftly. The will of the court must be imposed before its too late! Carver: The devil fortifies her. You must bind her tightly. Amy: You cannot do this! Carver: Isaac, fulfill the will of the court! Amy: I am innocent! Help me! Carver: Send this witch back into the lap of her master, lest he come for us all. Amy: Too late! Amy: Little Hope is already lost, shrouded in evil. Amy: But not as you claim, from witchcraft or outside demons, we are poisoned from within. Carver: You will not save yourself with riddles. Amy: There is no riddle. Amy: The devil takes many forms, you know that better than any. Amy: In Little Hope, he has his himself under a shroud of innocence. Amy: Taken the form of a child, my accuser! Amy: While Mary still draws breath, Little Hope remains beyond salvation. Amy: There lies your evil, Reverend! In your very midst. Carver: Isaac.

Scene seven Joesph, Mary, Tabitha(unsettled) Joseph: Shh Quiet, I beg you. Tabitha: Mary? MARY! MARY!!! Mary: I am over this way. Joseph: Mary, the fountain of all evil is here. Joseph: You speak to me of death? This day I have pulled my wife's body from a watery grave and buried her with in the ground with my own hands. Joseph: And all this because of her, Mary. Joseph: I have no answers for you. Perhaps I am already under a witches spell. Mary: There it lies! I have found it! Tabitha: How did you come by this? Mary: Fashioned with my own hand. Tabitha: I take it to protect you. Suspicion and betrayal walk side by side in Little Hope, no one is safe. Mary: Please Tabitha, let me keep it…

Scene seven Joesph, Mary, Tabitha(dubious) Joseph: Shh Quiet, I beg you. Tabitha: Mary? MARY! MARY!!! Mary: I am over this way. Joseph: Mary, the fountain of all evil is here. Joseph: My beloved Amy declared it so with her dying testimony. Joseph: If the evil here is to end, Mary must be stopped. Joseph: I have no answers for you. Perhaps I am already under a witches spell. Mary: There it lies! I have found it! Tabitha: How did you come by this? Mary: Fashioned with my own hand. Tabitha: I take it to protect you. Suspicion and betrayal walk side by side in Little Hope, no one is safe. Mary: Please Tabitha, let me keep it…

Scene eight Tabitha's arrest(confront Mary) Tabitha: You must help me, I beg you. Isaac: Only God can ease your plight now. Isaac: This court has heard from Joseph how Mary has in her possession a devil's plaything, a poppet. Isaac: It is clear to me that you, Tabitha are the one who gave the child this monstrosity. Isaac: You must come with me. Tabitha: Mary tell him about this poppet, how you made it with your own hands. Mary: You are mistaken dear sister, the doll has never been mine. Tabitha: Do you see now why I must have your help? Please. Isaac: The child is possessed! This is witchcraft! Mary: The poppet is not mine, I swear it. Isaac: Your master can help you no more. Isaac: Cast aside your false idols and pray to the one, almighty Lord for forgiveness. Isaac: You will pay dearly for bewitching an innocent child. Tabitha: I beg you Mary, speak the truth before it is too late! This cannot be undone! Isaac: Silence woman.

Scene eight Tabitha's arrest(grab doll) Tabitha: You must help me, I beg you. Isaac: Only God can ease your plight now. Isaac: This court has heard from Joseph how Mary has in her possession a devil's plaything, a poppet. Isaac: It is clear to me that you, Tabitha are the one who gave the child this monstrosity. Isaac: You must come with me. Tabitha: Mary tell him about this poppet, how you made it with your own hands. Mary: You are mistaken dear sister, the doll has never been mine. Tabitha: Do you see now why I must have your help? Please. Isaac: What trickery is this? Witchcraft! Isaac: Your master can help you no more. Isaac: Cast aside your false idols and pray to the one, almighty Lord for forgiveness. Isaac: You will pay dearly for bewitching an innocent child. Tabitha: I beg you Mary, speak the truth before it is too late! This cannot be undone! Isaac: Silence woman.

Scene nine Carver (disembodied voice in 2020) Carver: This woman must pay for all the wickedness she has brought among us. Carver: The innocent here are now corrupted and she is to blame.

Scene nine Tabitha, Mary, Carver(Tabitha's execution/burnt) Mary: This is not my doing. Tabitha: You must help me- I beg of you! Tabitha: Please help me before its too late! Carver: Hush now, woman. Carver: Only the almighty can forgive your sin. Carver: That is your only hope of salvation. Tabitha: Listen to me! Tabitha: I have committed no sin. Tabitha: The poppet I am condemned for is a child's plaything. Nothing more. I swear it! Carver: You will not sway me. Carver: The sickness you brought into our midst must be purged. To free all of us, and you, from evil. Carver: You must burn! Tabitha: I beg you! Stop! Do not do this! Tabitha: No a- please no! No stop! Carver: I pray, Lord, for you to take the soul of this our sister Tabitha… Who has been led astray by the Devil… And do with it as you will.

Scene nine Mary, carver, Tabitha(Tabitha's execution hanging) Mary: This is not my doing. Tabitha: You must help me- I beg of you! Tabitha: Please help me before its too late! Carver: Hush now, woman. Carver: Only the almighty can forgive your sin. Carver: That is your only hope of salvation. Tabitha: Listen to me! Tabitha: I have committed no sin. Tabitha: The poppet I am condemned for is a child's plaything. Nothing more. I swear it! Carver: I will not be deceived. Carver: I see the evil in you! Carver: My duty is to cleanse our two of your sickness. There is no other way. Carver: You must hang! Carver: I pray, Lord, for you to take the soul of this our sister Tabitha… Who has been led astray by the Devil… And do with it as you will.

Scene ten David, Mary, Carver (aggressive+ dubious) David: I never thought I would lay my eyes on you again… Tabitha… David: All I want, all I desire, is to protect Mary. David: These are difficult times, the town is set against us but I will not flinch from keeping her safe. David: I see your trickery. David: You would tempt me into betrayal in exchange for your hollow words. David: I will not abandon Mary. David: Mary! Thanks be to God! Carver: I heard talk David, but you are without company. Carver: Were you conversing with the same evil spirits who took hold of Amy and Tabitha? David: There are no spirits here. David: Can you not see these people standing alongside me? Tabitha among them. Carver: Except for Mary, we are alone, David. David: Tell me you see Tabitha here? How can you not? Mary: If Tabitha is by your side then it is her ghost. Mary: I am certain he was trying to ward off any evil spirits, not conjure them. Carver: Enough! Carver: Tabitha was justly executed as you well know. Carver: Perhaps guilt has clouded your senses. Carver: Tabitha is gone but the evil she brought remains! Carver: You will come to no harm from David, my word on that. David: I am no danger to Mary! Nothing in heaven or hell could tempt me to harm her.

Scene ten David, Mary, Carver (Curious+Intense) David: I never thought I would lay my eyes on you again… Tabitha… David: I ask myself the same question. David: Something is happening which has changed us all, even young Mary. David: Some days Mary seems the gentle kind hearted young girl I've always loved. David: Yet she's changed also, there is a malice in her so powerful I dare not name it. David: God forgive me but my heart wishes you here with me Tabitha, not Mary… Mary: Even from death she has hold of you. David: Mary… Mary: Her spirit has held you so tight you are still blinded by her. David: You twist the meaning of my words. David: Our sister lives, she is here next to me. David: I know you see her too. Mary: No devil abides here. Mary: David is stricken with grief. He is confused. David: I am not confused. I am speaking the truth! Carver: Judge Wyman will decide who speaks the truth here. Carver: You will come to no harm from David, my word on that. David: I am no danger to Mary! Nothing in heaven or hell could tempt me to harm her.

Scene eleven David, carver, Mary Carver: It pains me to say these words but your punishment today will protect us all… Carver: Keep our town safe. Mary: Can you spare him? I beg you. Carver: This is hard for you child but one day you will understand and you will thank me. David: Go from this place Mary, your pleas cannot reach him. My fate is not a memory you should carry. Mary: Who will be my keeper if you are gone? Carver: Judge Wyman has instructed Abraham, he will be your keeper. Carver: A decision not all are in agreement with. Carver: Every man will face his day of judgment. Carver: Yours is today. Carver: (shock) Carver: Look child, see who you would have me spare. Carver: See he is no longer of this Earth! Carver: Only the damned and the devil can resist in this way.

Scene twelve Abraham and Joseph Abraham: No, this cannot be. Abraham: my own eyes deceive me… Abraham: My apologies for the lateness of the hour, but I must speak with you. Joseph: What ails you my friend? Abraham: It is Mary, I am troubled by her, by the part she has played in these trials. Joseph: Those trials trouble us all. Abraham: There is more to this. Abraham: I saw her smile as her own sister was executed. She took pleasure from it. Joseph: Are you certain? Abraham: I am. Abraham: But now that she speaks of guilt and remorse, it is hard not to believe her. Joseph: Keep away from her Abraham, no good can come from being with that child. Abraham: Too late… With her brother and sister gone, Mary now lives under my roof. Joseph: Your charity places you in grave danger. Abraham: What do you advise? Joseph: Tell the court you suspect she toys with us all. Joseph: That you saw her delight in her own sister's death. I implore you. Abraham: I am torn. Mary seems full of remorse. Joseph: Keep your suspicions to yourself, and it is our community which will suffer. Joseph: None of us is safe from her wild imaginings. Abraham: Very well, if the court will listen, I will speak. Abraham: I am bewitched. Abraham: How else can your presence be explained? Abraham: She has conjured you to defend her, to press me into silence! Abraham: Only the devil could create a demon who so resembles me. Abraham: What do you want from me? Abraham: I was decided to speak to the court. Now I am not so sure… Abraham: The devil has sent you to tempt me. I must not succumb. Abraham: Little hope is no longer the town I knew. Abraham: Strange and disturbing events have become commonplace. Abraham: You -whatever you are- are but one of these. Abraham: Revealing the truth about Mary may save my friend, but it does not sit easy with me that in doing so I condemn a child. (blame carver) Abraham: Reverend Carver is a man guided by God, no one can doubt that. (say nothing) Abraham: the balance of my heart tells me it is right and just to reveal what I know about Mary. (blame Mary) Abraham: You are cursed, a sure sign of the devil!

Scene thirteen Abraham, wyman, carver Abraham: Now is my time to speak before the judge. Abraham: I am filled with dread. Abraham: I cannot know how my testimony will be received. Abraham: The devil has blinded so many to what is real and what is not. Carver: Nothing good will come of this! Carver: … His words will seek to twist the truth. Wyman: Allow me to judge what is true. Carver: Abraham and Joseph are allies in this deception. Carver: And lest we forget you condemned Joseph to death only yesterday. Carver: Or do you now question that decision? Wyman: I have heard nothing today to sway my conviction. Wyman: Joseph consorted with the same malicious force as his wife. Wyman: For this the court thanks Reverend Carver who faced the devil's wrath to present the evidence. Carver: Tis only my duty judge. Wyman: However this court is duty bound by law to seek out the truth. Wyman: We must therefore examine these claims made by Abraham against Mary. Carver: If I may speak briefly, Judge Wyman. Wyman: Time is short Reverend, be indeed brief. Carver: Mary has shown great fortitude to speak out against the evil here. Carver: Many would have lacked her courage. Carver: Yet her reward for exposing this brooding coven in our midst is to be besmirch. Wyman: Her courage is not in question, it is her intent we must be certain of. Carver: Her accuser is the very man entrusted to care for this innocent child! Carver: Plain to see he is not fit for such a task… Carver: And I would ask the court to have Mary placed elsewhere. Wyman: Who would you have be her new ward, Reverend? Carver: I am prepared to take responsibility for the child, if the court agrees. Wyman: First the court must hear what Abraham has to say. Wyman: No decision can be made on the child until then. Wyman: Abraham! Abraham: What am I to do? Abraham: Some would have me speak against Mary, but could a child truly be capable of such evil? Wyman: Tell the court what you have come here to say. Wyman: Speak up boy, out with it! Abraham: Mary has spoken of evil spirits, devilry and witchcraft. Abraham: Things many cannot believe could exist here in Little Hope. Wyman: I'm not here for history and hearsay, get to the point boy! Abraham: Mary is tormented. Abraham: The apparitions she has seen, they have plagued her, stolen her innocence. Abraham: Some have suggested she is in league with these creatures but no one can be certain… Abraham: Myself least of all. Abraham: Can any of us truly know a child's mind? Wyman: You claim I lack the ability to see the truth? Abraham: I beg forgiveness, I would never suggest such a thing. Wyman: My time is not for wasting, you and the priest have irked me enough for one day. Abraham: I have more to say… Wyman: I have already given you enough time. Wyman: Furthermore Mary is to be placed into the care of Reverend Carver. Now stand down.

Scene fourteen Joseph, carver and mary(confront) Carver: No one in Little Hope is safe while you still draw breath, Joseph. Carver: You must die today. Carver: Not even your wife Amy was spared your lust to serve Satan! Joseph: Damn me if you must. Joseph: You're not fit to speak ill of my late wife! Carver: There is still fight in you! Carver: I must drive the devil out for the safety of everyone here. Joseph: No one is safe! Carver: Joseph, do you renounce the devil and all his teachings? Joseph: I carry no sin… I'm no disciple… of the devil. Joseph: Our town is infected with madness, bought here by… Satan's servant… Mary! Mary: Get away! Carver: Look! Carver: See how this poor child is tormented! Carver: Joseph still clutches her with the devil's hand! Carver: More stones! Carver: The devil must be crushed from within him! Carver: Do not flinch! Carver: The fate of Little Hope rests in your hands.

Scene fourteen Joseph, carver and mary(help) Carver: No one in Little Hope is safe while you still draw breath, Joseph. Carver: You must die today. Carver: Not even your wife Amy was spared your lust to serve Satan! Joseph: Damn me if you must. Joseph: You're not fit to speak ill of my late wife! Carver: There is still fight in you! Carver: I must drive the devil out for the safety of everyone here. Joseph: No one is safe! Carver: Joseph, do you renounce the devil and all his teachings? Joseph: I carry no sin… I'm no disciple… of the devil. Joseph: Our town is infected with madness, bought here by… Satan's servant… Mary! Carver: Look! Carver: There can be no more doubting… this is witch craft! Carver: More stones! Carver: The devil must be crushed from within him! Carver: Do not flinch! Carver: The fate of Little Hope rests in your hands.

Scene fourteen Joseph, carver(do nothing) Carver: No one in Little Hope is safe while you still draw breath, Joseph. Carver: You must die today. Carver: Not even your wife Amy was spared your lust to serve Satan! Joseph: Damn me if you must. Joseph: You're not fit to speak ill of my late wife! Carver: There is still fight in you! Carver: I must drive the devil out for the safety of everyone here. Joseph: No one is safe! Carver: Joseph, do you renounce the devil and all his teachings? Joseph: I carry no sin… I'm no disciple… of the devil. Joseph: Our town is infected with madness, bought here by… Satan's servant… Mary! Joseph: Fool! Can you not see she'll take you all? One… by one… Carver: See how this poor child is tormented! Carver: Joseph still clutches her with the devil's hand! Carver: More stones! Carver: The devil must be crushed from within him! Carver: Do not flinch! Carver: The fate of Little Hope rests in your hands.

Scene fifteen Mary, Abraham, wyman, carver Mary: He knows I was about to confess all to the Judge. Mary: Will you protect me? You must… Carver: I assure all gathered here today that our town will be free of the Devil's grasp. Carver: Together by God's Grace Little Hope will prevail. My word on it! Wyman: This court is hastily convened but with good reason. Wyman: If we are to finally rid ourselves of the evil which has infested Little Hope, then we must act today. Wyman: I accuse you, Mary, of witchcraft! Wyman: What say you Reverend? Carver: The evidence, as discovered through my investigation, is beyond question. Carver: Mary uses her poppet as a familiar to summon and serve the Devil! Wyman: We have been deceived by a child, by her guise of innocence. Wyman: This poppet, was mistakenly used to denounce Tabitha. Wyman: But it has always belonged to Mary alone. Wyman: She allowed her own kin to be executed as she watched in silence. Mary: That is not so! Liar! Carver: Now this tainted creature of Satan has the marrow to accuse me Carver: - a man of God - of wrongdoing! Mary: It was never my intention to bring harm to this town, or it's people. Mary: Can you not help me? Carver: Now in her hour of greatest need, this child of the damned pleads once more for the Devil's help

Scene fifteen(blame carver) Abraham: Wait! Abraham: I beg the court's indulgence. Abraham: Please guide me at this time, I seek your council. Abraham: We have been swayed by malice. Abraham: The truth hidden from us, but not by Mary. Abraham: Reverend Carver is the one urging us to believe in the Devil. Carver: Be silent! Abraham: This is all his doing. Carver: Do not deceive us any longer! Carver: Your true purpose is plain to see! Carver: I will see this town purged of all evil! Abraham: What must I do to bring Little Hope back into the light? Abraham: I know what must be done here. Carver: Be still! What is the meaning of this outrage? Wyman: What I have just learned sickens me to my core. Wyman: There are serious questions which must be asked of you. Wyman: How can a 'man of God' conduct himself in such a way? Wyman: Mary, your suffering is at an end. Wyman: You are free to leave. Carver: Fools! Misled by a child! Carver: Do you not see what she is? Carver: The truth stares at you from the depths of hell yet you see nothing! Carver: The devil's daughter has deceived you all! Not me! Carver: I see her! I see her!! Carver: Satan's whore! You will pay heavily for your crimes. Carver: I was one of the first to fall under your spell. Carver: Now all of Little Hope is mesmerized by you. Mary: I have not the words. Without you I would be dead. Mary: You saved me, I shall remember you all my days.

Scene fifteen(blame the doll) Abraham: Wait! Abraham: I beg the court's indulgence. Abraham: Please guide me at this time, I seek your council. Abraham: There can be no doubt that Little Hope is afflicted. Abraham: That darkness has taken hold of our town. Carver: There is not a man, or woman, here today who does not already know the Devil is in our midst. Carver: The sole purpose of this court is to remove evil, not indulge it further. Carver: Our time is not for wasting. Abraham: How do I make my decision? Abraham: If I am wrong I condemn an innocent to die… Abraham: The poppet must be cast asunder. Abraham: It is the cause of Mary's affliction. It holds her in its thrall. Abraham: Destroy this poppet and the devil will depart Mary. Abraham: She will be restored, an innocent child. Wyman: Reverend, burn the poppet. Destroy it! Carver: We must not act in haste. Carver: The girl must face the full consequences of her deeds… Wyman: My authority is not for questioning. Do as I ask.

Scene fifteen(blame Mary) Abraham: Wait! Abraham: I beg the court's indulgence. Abraham: Please guide me at this time, I seek your council. Abraham: There can be no doubt that Little Hope is afflicted. Abraham: That darkness has taken hold of our town. Carver: There is not a man, or woman, here today who does not already know the Devil is in our midst. Carver: The sole purpose of this court is to remove evil, not indulge it further. Carver: Our time is not for wasting. Abraham: How do I make my decision? Abraham: If I am wrong I condemn an innocent to die… Mary: Traitor! Go and leave me be! Mary: Abraham ignore his words, he is no friend to us. Carver: She pleads with her evil spirits! Carver: What more evidence of guilt does the court require?! Wyman: The sentence I must pass is for the good of the town and all who live here. Wyman: There is no other way to rid us if the evil you have brought. Wyman: Mary you will be taken from this court and burned at the stake as a heretic and witch. Mary: This is how you care for me? Mary: You are no different to any of the others! Wyman: The sentence to be carried out immediately! Wyman: We cannot risk further attempts from the devil to rescue his disciple. Mary: No! Mary: This is all on your head! Carver: Eternal damnation awaits you 'Sister of Satan'. Carver: You will roast in the fires of Hell

@kassiekolchek22 @delurkr @tatjana-fantasy @blubary @tinynightmarewoman @wacem @ctrvpani @unhingedlesbear

(my brain is liquefied and I can't rightly judge who would want to be tagged into this lol)

I'm curious about anyone actually reading this start to finish tho 😅

[triplexdoublex]

Where did Megan say "it was a very emotional video for her to film"? I am in no way doubting you or your words. I love your blog, why would I? But I am trying to understand if she "speaks" in private with her fans (or at least if that's what they claim to). Or if they already wrote an article about it.

If she was, a lot would make sense. If she is actually was leaking infos, telling stories and possibily even starting rumors with fanpages, imagine what else she could actually be doing through her PR team!!! I would hope not this for her, imagine being a 38 yo woman with three sons who is supposed to be an A-lister trynna rage bait her man's fandom and stir shit up. Even local SoundCloud rappers side-chicks don't do this shit. I expect this behaviour from Nicky/ Nikki quoting his songs every 5 business days, not from her, "THE" MF, the 2009 bombshell. The only solution in these cases, would be to ignore them. Eventually they'll stop.

We already saw what she has done with her platform last year. God knows how many "fake friends/right people" she purposefully is speaking with just so they can leak stuff. If this was actually true, she would be a total menace, a ticking bomb waiting to explode. I am scared for his ass if he ever wakes up from the spell and decides to break up with her for good. It seems like she can leave him whenever she want and take breaks from him, but if he were ever to do the same, she'd make it her mission to destroy him and his image forever. Getting Amber Heard 2.0 vibes. He's living by the words "YOU'VE MADE YOUR BED, NOW LIE IN IT". His decade long player career is coming back to haunt him, tenfold. What kind of karmic debt is this? The only way I see him escaping unharmed (IF he ever wanted to or came back to his senses) is to tire her enough she just gives up... which I don't see him ever doing because he's love-starved and she love bombs him everytime she's back. I think weaponized "incompetence" (IDK how else to call it) might actually be his ticket out. Come on Kells, you can do it, "Just Do It" like shia labeouf did! Just Do It!

Virtual kisses and hugs to you and your lovely fam! I just know M. will be the most beautiful bride! Love.

First I just want to correct myself “she was very emotional when she LISTENED to the song” not filmed the video .I’ll only say every once in a while some limited anonymous info floats my way on here. but I did hear (I think somewhere on insta ) that she was in the music video.

Also thanks so much! Excited for the wedding!

[scribblingplace]

Bite Night Part 1 - Baldur's Gate 3 Fic

Dirk spends too much time as a prey animal not to know when a predator is approaching. Finally wrote out a dramatized bit about how Astarion attempting to Bite my Tav would go, mostly it's just awkward.

Dirk spends too much time as a prey animal not to know when a predator is approaching.

Some rustle, some shift in the air, it's all it takes to have Dirk's eyes shooting open and she's scrambling back and away before she can even process who or what is looming over her.  The air around her is buzzing with necrotic magic and the smell of rot.

It's a good thing Astarion is already scrambling backwards himself, cursing under his breath.

“It's not what it looks like,” he starts when there's enough space between them that inhaling won't have him choking on necrotizing spores.

She's reaching for the dagger tucked into her boot, over all this could be going a lot better.

“It looks like you were about to bite me.” 

“Alright then, it is what it looks like, but I wasn't going to hurt you.  I just needed, well, blood.”  

“Biting usually hurts.”  Dirk answers flatly. 

She's not sure why she needs to point out the obvious like this.  But she's very hung up on the idea of someone putting their teeth in her neck and she is in no way willing to move on to the next- hold on.  Blood?

Dirk gives him a once over.  Pointy teeth, red eyes, fop, bloodless boar corpse. His complete inability to shut up about vampires.

It's the only logical conclusion to reach here.  Of course it is, but-

“How can you walk in the sun?”

“What?”

“You are a vampire right, this isn't- some kind of other thing.”  

“Vampire Spawn, technically,” as if it really makes much of a difference at the moment. 

“So how are you in the sun.”  She thinks it's a good and deeply relevant question, she's not letting it drop.  

“Honestly I have no idea, I've been chalking it up to our little worm friends and leaving it at that.”

Okay, that makes sense, or at least as much as anything recently makes sense to Dirk.  

She takes a deep breath, chewing on her lip as she does and watching him as carefully as he's watching her.  Trying to figure out what to do here, staring down an apex predator that has made it very clear he considers her on the menu.

At least she's figured out why he reminds her of a cat.

Dirk opens her mouth to say, well, something, and then a whole lot comes out.

“Did you think I wouldn't wake up if you bit me?”  After her moment of consideration it's the next most pressing question, because honestly, is he stupid?  

“You aren't a mosquito, I'd notice your teeth in my neck!  What was the plan here.”   

“I'm hungry!”  It's the simplest, quickest answer,  and he is, starving really. And finally in the position to eat something satisfying.

It's an enormous feat of restraint not to continue snapping at the scrawny druid in front of him.  But that, tempting as it is, won't get him what he wants.

He can still salvage this. 

“Normally I feed from animals, boar, deer, kobolds-”  

“Kobolds aren't animals, they talk.”  

He's going to tear her throat out.

“Yes, well you talk to rats.”  He settles for being dismissive and hoping she'll let this drop.

“But kobolds talk,” she repeats, “out loud, they use tools.”  

Of course she doesn't.  

Of all the things he thought he'd be doing when he snuck up on her in her bedroll, he was prepared for stakes, and violence, and threats, not debating the personhood of kobolds.  

Hard to say if this is an improvement on what he'd feared.  Maybe a lateral move. 

“Whatever!” Astarion snaps, ending this entire stupid tangent. 

And Dirk flinches a little still on high alert. She knows it's pedantic to pick apart everything he says right now.

But it's two am.  And she's tired.  And he wanted to bite her.  

He cringe inwardly at her flinch, at the ways she pulls back, the dim flicker of magic over claws.

Back to playing nice, or stalling for time, or whatever he's actually doing at this point.

“Look, I’m not some monster! But animals aren’t enough.  Not if I want to fight.  I’m just too slow right now.”  There it is, a little crack of sympathy on Dirk's face.  She's so soft sometimes.  

Not that he's proud to play on that obvious weak point, like he's a stray dog, or one of those mewling tiefling brats.

Still.  Needs must.  He's done worse.  

“Too weak.”  

This is pathetic, he's going to put himself off the concept of eating if he has to try and tug on her heartstrings anymore.

And it's hard to tell if it's working, he watches the druid's shoulders untense a little, her clawed fingers drumming along the hilt of her knife as she tries to decide what to do with this information.  “If I just had a little blood, I could think clearer.”  

If pity doesn’t work, then perhaps the promise of a better ally will.  

“Fight better.”

She is agonizingly quiet.  Still coiled to spring, that horrible fungus crawling all over her as she chews on her lip and thinks.

She's entitled to a moment to weigh her options.  In her opinion at least.  Because To put it bluntly, she doesn't trust him at all. He can look as sad as he damn well pleases, but he’s still an apex predator. 

Really, the smartest, safest option, is to ram a stake through his ribs.  Since he doesn't have any qualms threatening her neck.

But he is useful.  Handy with a knife, and a lock pick, and quicker in fight than most of them.  It was a smart choice to play on that.  They need whatever advantages they can get.

And she's worked with more insufferable liabilities. 

There’s a wriggle behind her eye, a tremor, between the two of them.  She’s felt it before, Astarion’s mind on the other end of that line, it would be so easy.

And they do need every advantage they can get.  She pushes on the link, something instinctive in the action, something clawing in her brain, she hates every minute it.  But she’s used to it.  

He freezes, shudders as she forces the connection, “What’s this, what’s happening?” She can feel just a moment’s resistance as he speaks, an attempt to raise his guard and then his mind falls open.  She’s getting very good at this kind of thing.  Or maybe he just thinks it’s safest to play along.

Not that she gets anything useful out of it.  What she wants is a clear sense of his intentions here.  

What she gets is a couple minutes of absolute misery, and fear and a mouthful of fur and blood.  She stops short of spitting the blood out, remembering it’s not her memory.  “You only drink animal blood because you have to! Not because you wanted to.”  

“I-yes.  Yes. I ate whatever disgusting vermin my master picked.  You can see now why I’m slow to trust you.  But I do trust you-” he doesn’t, not really, but what choice does he have have- “and you can trust m-” “No I can’t.  You were going to bite me.  In my sleep.”

“We don’t have a choice.”  He can’t deny that she’s correct, but so is he, best to refocus things on their larger shared problem.  “Not if we want to save ourselves from these worms.  I need you alive, and you need me strong.”  

She’s making the thinking face again.  At this point Dirk has chewed a hole straight through her lower lip and he can smell the blood.  He’s being a saint right now, the amount of restraint he’s showing.  But he lets Dirk have her moment to think.  Her claws flexing.  “Okay.”  What an absolutely infuriatingly neutral statement.  What is he supposed to do with ‘okay.’?  He tries a tentative step forward, sees Dirk tense again and gives up that approach immediately.  

“Please, it’ll only be a taste, I swear,” he tries, attempting to sound casual.  “I’ll be well, you’ll be fine, and everything can go back to normal.”  “No!”  She snaps.  Taking a quick step back, the air Around her churning again.

He can't actually expect her to do that! She doesn't even really think before speaking. 

“Of course, silly of me to even ask,” he says, deflating as he speaks, at least the topic is being dropped, Dirk lets out a breath, managing to relax, just a moment.

“I’ll go find something on four legs to eat.  See you in the morning then.”  The look on his face before he turns to go is so…sad.  She feels like she's stepping on a small animal, or just told someone their dad is dead.

Dirk groans, already regretting what she’s about to do.  He's already stalking away.

 “No.  Wait!”  She buries her face in her hands, lets out another frustrated sound.  “It’s- fine whatever- I have lots of blood!”  Astarion stops, turning to stare at her.

“Really?” Surprise, confusion, a tentative flicker of hope.  “I- I won’t take a drop more than I need.”  “Lets uh, get comfortable shall we?”  He’s still a bit stunned as he gestures to her bedroll. Dirk drops into a sitting position sticking her arm out for him, rolling her sleeve up and trying to rub away some of the fungus that is building on her skin.

He takes a seat beside her.  “I’d thought-” 

“My important veins are in my neck.  You get the wrist.”  

“I suppose beggars can’t be choosers,” he won’t push, it’s astonishing she’s giving him this much.  He takes her wrist carefully, finding a relatively clean spot as he does.

He looks up briefly, watching Dirk stare at him, bracing herself like she’s about to have a tooth pulled, digging her claws into the dirt.  This isn’t at all what he expected.  It’s supposed to be more…grandiose?  It’s supposed to be something.  Not just crouching in the dirt with someone he wouldn't even have considered bringing back to Cazador on his most desperate nights.

But he can smell her bleeding lip and feel her pulse racing under his thumb, and thinking about anything ceases to be a priority.  He buries his teeth in her arm.

All misgivings fall away at the first drop of blood on his tongue. It doesn't taste all that different from the rats he’s used too, but gods, there’s such life in it, he can taste the vitality, feel it seeping into him.

Something smacks him in the side of the head.

“Oi! That's enough!”  

“Huh?” Astarion's voice is muffled by the fact that his teeth are still lodged in Dirk's wrist.  

“I said that's enough, don't make me hit harder!”  

She's trying to tug her arm back and he releases her, straightening up, a little stunned.

“Ah! That- that was amazing!” He can feel himself grinning, his eyes flicking back to the puncture wounds. It wasn’t nearly enough.  But still.  He could run a marathon, everything is brighter, clearer, is this what things are supposed to be like?

“My mind is finally clear, I feel strong, I feel happy!”  “Good for you, I feel like shit.”  She grumbles, mumbling a healing spell as she rubs her wrist, the puncture wounds scabbing over at alarming speed.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” if only because her griping is doing a lot to kill his fantastic mood.

“This was just a little transaction between friends.”  He tries, back to his usual flippant tone.  Even if he's still thinking about all that blood in her.

Really, he barely took any.

“And look what you’ve gained, together we can take on the world!” Well, he could, he's not sure about Dirk. 

“Now, as invigorating as you were, I'm off to find something a little more, filling.”  He says, not quite keeping the smile off his face.

“Good idea,” Dirk says, giving him a little nod, still clutching at her wrist, it doesn't hurt, more nervous habit, she's already scratching at the fresh scab.  He's got blood on his face and she can't tell if she should point it out.  Like it's tomato sauce or jam instead of her blood.

Honestly she has a lot of follow up questions, but he seems just a little dazed.  And if he's still hungry, best to let him handle that far from her.

“Have fun?”  Is that the appropriate thing to say here?  He's leaving anyway, but he pauses, briefly to look over his shoulder at her.

“Oh, I'm sure I will,”  Astarion says, he turns to leave, ready to stalk and kill, and maybe do A backflip if he feels like it.

He pauses for just a moment.  Turning back to look at Dirk before he disappears into the woods.  

“This is a gift you know.  I won't forget it.”  

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 3.5.2024

So, Polynya, did you finish the fanfic? Well...sort of? No. No, I guess the answer is actually no.

Last week, I said I had two and a half scenes left, one of which was the epilogue, and one scene I wanted to rewrite. I wrote the scene and a half that were not the epilogue, and then I tried to do that scene re-write. It came out better than it was, but I still didn't love it. I figured I would just go ahead and write the epilogue and then maybe come back and try again. 3/4 of the epilogue went great, and then I just couldn't manage to end it, and got stuck for three days. I went back and tried to re-write that scene I didn't like *again*, and barely got into before realizing that the way I was hoping to make it better did not, in fact. Yesterday, after Much Struggle, I managed to pull together an end to epilogue with is...okay...but I don't love it. So the current state of things is: 107,408 words, and it is strictly speaking, A Whole-ass Fanfic, but with two half-scenes that I hate.

It's really frustrating, because I had a bunch of productive weeks in a row, and my brain has just utterly collapsed on me in the eleventh hour. I've been trying so hard to push it over the finish line, but it's one of those things where I can't just brute force it, I need to somehow have a good idea. I am also so so tired this week. I know, logically, that probably I just need to relax and rest up for a few days and this will be easy to fix when I am feeling better, but it's hard to relax when I have this stupid almost-but-not-quite-done fanfic hanging over my head.

Here are some other stupid facts:

The scenes in question are important and I want them to be good, but they aren't exactly load-bearing, in the sense that nothing else depends on them

I don't even *need* the epilogue, and in fact, after I realized that I end all my Heart is a Muscle fics with people drinking (not on purpose, I'm just unoriginal), it made me want to drop the whole thing on principle (except that I also don't because it's sort of a thematic lead-in to the next story in the series and also Ukitake is there)

The two problem scenes are way at the end of the fanfic. When I do start posting this thing, I plan to post one chapter per week like I often do, meaning that I have literal months to fix these

Chapter 1 is beta'd and ready to go and literally nothing is stopping me from posting it this very second

BUT I don't want to post Chapter 1 until my beta has seen the whole fic because what if she notices something in Chapter 12 that needs to be fixed back in Chapter 1

AND literally nothing is stopping me from just sending my beta the last few chapters with a little note on the scenes I'm not happy with. It's highly possible she might have some ideas! Or just be like "you are insane these are fine"!

EXCEPT I don't want her to see my bad writing that I am embarrassed about

And so, here we are. I am probably going to give it another day or two, and if I can't manage to fix those two scenes, I'll just suck it up and send the rest to her.

I guess I also should re-do the banner, except I don't feel like re-doing the banner. It's....okay. I don't know. I just kind of slapped it together based on a thing we were doing at Art Club. Maybe I don't even want a banner.

Speaking of Art Club, it's March now, which meant there was a new theme at Art Club (nature) and I decided to try to get back into my daily drawing. I think this is possibly what killed my momentum on my fanfic. I am just literally only capable of having one priority at a time, even if it's a little tiny one, otherwise my brain just plays tug of war with my priorities and it's hard to manage either of them.

Anyway, I've been in kinda rough shape for the last few days, but I am sure it will pass. It's got some good bits, but I think I just never really managed to fall in love with this one, and I'm really worried about it getting a cooler reception than I'm used to, since the fandom seems to have quieted down significantly since the last time I posted one of these. On the other hand, I've worked too hard on this to not post it. Also, it's got some stuff in it that had to happen for the series to progress. And maybe other people will like it! Who knows! Not me!!

I had hoped to be able to start posting it this week, but that's not looking likely at this point, so I guess you can have another preview.

--- from Ch 3

"You really didn't have to go to all this trouble," Rukia pointed out, as she methodically piled her bowl with a heaping serving of everything on offer.

Renji grabbed a big pinch of the shirasu before passing it over to her. "It's fine. I'm not sure when I'll be up for cooking again, so I'm trying to clean out my fridge."

"Oh, so I'm helping?"

Renji grinned. "Sure."

"I love helping! If you need me to take this pickled ginger with me, I could take it off your hands."

"I think the pickles will probably keep for a bit."

"Hmmph," Rukia replied skeptically, and scooped some more into her bowl.

It was always difficult not to just sit and watch Rukia eat, in part because she truly did have an extraordinary talent for shoveling food into her mouth, but mostly because it reminded Renji of why they had come to the Seireitei in the first place, of how lucky he was these days. You have to go to work, too, this morning, he reminded himself, and dug in.

"You know, speaking of helping…" Rukia said a few minutes later, once she'd managed to eat enough to shave the edge of her morning ravenousness. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

The pleasant feelings in Renji's chest abruptly turned cold and gloppy. He frowned, and raised one eyebrow skeptically. “Yeah?”

Rukia looked up at him with her big, stupidly blue eyes. “Do you remember when we talked about how important it was for you to have a comfortable and peaceful recovery from your surgery?”

“I do. I distinctly remember asking you to drop it and not bring it up, again, actually.”

“Right, well, I never actually agreed to that. I think that you should come stay at my house.”

Renji gave her an incredulous look. “Your house? Kuchiki Manor, you mean? Your house that is actually my captain’s house?”

“It’s very nice there, as you know. The food really is very good and we have a million servants with nothing better to do--”

“I am sure they have better things to do, Rukia.”

“--and you can sit in a sunny spot in the garden and I’ll read you books and it will be so much nicer than staying in the Coordinated Relief Station!”

Renji heaved a huge, exasperated sigh. “It’s a nice idea, Rukia, but think about the look on Captain’s face if you even--”

“He said it was okay.”

Renji felt all the blood run out of his face, possibly out of his body entirely. “You asked him?”

“I know you’re only getting it done because he ordered you to. He obviously wants you to do your best to heal up well. He cares about you, too, you know, in his own way.” 

Renji stiffened, his fingers tightening on his chopsticks. “You probably told him the whole story, then? How I broke my arm in the first place?” His voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere far away.

“Not the whole thing!" Rukia shook her head vehemently. "He knows you broke it saving me, that's the only important part.”

Renji drew in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut. All he could focus on was the sound of his own blood pounding in his ears. “Why do you always have to do this?” he finally managed through gritted teeth. “I asked you to just leave it, but you never can.”

Rukia shoved out her lower lip. “Maybe if you took care of yourself half as well as you take care of everyone else, I would!” she protested. “Just let me spoil you for a few days, would it be so terrible?”

“Yes.”

[cata-strophes]

I just found you and im like in love with all your art!!!! Do you think you could like catch me up on your ocs? Like a little introduction to them? Cause I am invested! I hope that's not too much to ask!

(Funny story, i was writing this and wrote a lot and then my power went off and i lost what i had written L)

Thank you!! :D And of course!! Im sorry this took so long, when i saw your message i realised i dont have a lot of actually-colored drawings of my ocs (that arent dante), so i ran to do some quick sketches (and got busy in the middle of it)

In the world of my OCs, some people are born with powers, but they have consequences and drawbacks if they're overused.

There is an Evil Bad Guy(tm), who, of course, wants power, and so when a kid is born with a strong enough power, it's more than likely they will be taken to join the ever-growing brainwashed army of Evil Dude(tm). Evil Villain Guy(tm) also carries forward... tests and experiments, to see if it's possible to evolve these powers and overcome their drawbacks.

This guy is my poor special little guy, Dante, and by that, I mean he's the one that I make suffer for my own amusement, i'm sorry, Dante.

He doesn't know his age, but he guesses he's in his mid-20s.

He was one of the child soldiers the Evil Villain Man(tm), and has been with him since he has memory. Now all he wants is revenge against him, and doesn't care about much else.

He was a favourite, because he was the first one to survive the tests and evolve the powers he has. (drawbacks are still a work in progress)

His power allows him to create limbs made from shadows, he specialized in wings. Altho he started only creating two wings, with the tests, he started calling more and more wings to his control, and they eventually stopped looking soft and feathery, and started looking more and more leathery, and he stopped using them to fly, more like spider legs to help support him and that he can turn into extremely dangerous and sharp weapons.

This guy over here is Nicholas. He is *drum roll* Evil Villain Guy(tm)'s older son!

Nicholas is in his mid-20s. He also has a younger brother, Theo, who is in his early 20s.

He was raised in blissful ignorance until he was a teenager, where he started figuring out his family's dark history. He started questioning his father's authority more and more, until, when he was around 16 years old, his own father commanded his assassins to get rid of him.

He was left for dead, but little did they know he had been hiding self-healing powers, and managed to survive and ended up joining a rebellion against his father, meeting Dante again ten years later, when he escaped. His brother is still with his father.

I'm very bad with names and can't choose, I have at least twenty options for each, but these are also some very important guys for them. All of their designs might change!! I'm still playing around.

The woman to the left is the leader of the rebellion, she took Nicholas in and knocked some sense into his head when he was pushing his body and powers farther than he should. She has electricity on contact powers, she uses it for the most shocking punches, or for charging whatever metalllic weapon shes holding to make it Hurt. Her drawback tho, is a loss of fine motor skills, her hands shake a lot because of this.

The guy in the right is Dante's uncle. Dante's uncle was a renowned knight, when he learnt that his brother, sister-in-law and nephew, his only family, were all wiped out in an attack, he lost his control and threw himself to battle with no second thoughts. His power is something of future visio; it doesn't go too far, just a few seconds or minutes (although he might get a few days or weeks worth of it in dreams), which made him unstouchable in battle. The drawback is the lost of his own eyesight. He is blind because of the overuse of his powers, and can really only notice light and very blurry shapes if he focuses (he usually doesn't). When he got tired of fighting he up and left, trying to forget and be forgotten, finding a village in the middle of nowhere and staying there to pass his days.

UNTIL his war-buddy, mister-in-the-center-drawing, came looking for him. They used to be the closest friends and he spent years looking for him after he vanished from the face of the Earth. He doesn't have any powers, but he is very much to Dante's uncle's levels of swordmanship and whatever-knights-do-ship (with the exception of. you know. literal future vision powers). They are boyfriends now.

Also Dante and his uncle meet later on, and this meeting is the reason Dante doesn't go off the deep end as it was very much looking like before. Dante's uncle knows Dante's real age and birthday, he never forgot.

[bleachbleachbleach]

9/24/2023

WOW HAHA the last two weeks have involved many things, some of which were really upsetting!! And irrespective of those, I am so tired! So very tired! And I wanted so very badly to give myself writing time this weekend; that desire is what kept me pushing through and working and working, but seeing as it is 10pm on Sunday and I remain extremely behind on work, I was unable to make this happen. But due to losing the will to live and procrastinating, I did organize the tea cabinet, the pantry, and the car emergency kit, and went to Costco, so not a total loss. And I did catch up on many Tumblr posts I wanted to write tags for, which was very nice. And just now, I wrote down some shower thoughts for the fic that would follow the WIP I'm writing now!

There isn't really an "intentional" sequel, in the sense that I've planned for there to be a written-out fic after my current WIP and have committed to writing it. It's mostly "scene bleed stuff I know exists in the universe of this fic but is not actually IN this fic." The notes I wrote tonight ended up getting a bit more specific, though. They also feel incredibly campy, so we'll see if that ever ends up being exciting to me, but I WILL say that Rukia's storyline in the would-be sequel would make Kira's having a chapter in my current WIP make a lot more sense. How Rukia's and Kira's storylines would connect practically in addition to thematically, god only knows. XP It's also very unclear to me who the primary characters would be in such a fic. There's a version of this post-WIP that is narrated solely by Hinamori and Matsumoto, though if Rukia has one of the main storylines that's not going to make any sense unless they all suddenly become much better friends. Which (and not I'm just free associating right here as I type this post) could be kind of fun, if the three of them were narrators. I don't know if I'd want it to be a straightforward adventure plot like this one is, or something weirder, though.

Before I decided I wanted to write a reasonably straightforward adventure story, there was a version of my current WIP where instead of 8 characters telling sequential parts of a long story, 8 characters told the entirety of the story eight times over--except it was never actually the same story because their experiences/foci were so different. I don't think that specific conceit would make sense for a Matsumoto Hinamori Rukia story, but feel like I could get behind some kind of other weird thing for them.

BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER

THAT IS SO FAR INTO THE HYPOTHETICAL FUTURE

IT LITERALLY DOESN'T MATTER

FIRST THINGS FIRST

I'm going to try again this week. Work on Renji chapter. Wednesday night, maybe? Friday night, maybe? Sunday, I hope!!

[viharistenno]

Hey, I'm super tired right now and can't decide which of the unpublished fic asks I wanna ask most, so I'm gonna give full rein to you and say, answer the ask you like best about the WIP you like best! (Hoping for W13 but even if not, I'd like to hear about your writing!)

My dear Friend, have I got news for you. You asked for WH13 and I will give it to you. It's gonna be personal, but I am totally okay with sharing it when people ask, as all my writing is really personal for me in the end and I love all of them.

It was 6 and a half years ago, in April, 2017. An idea of a scene bugged me to death, my mind said THERE IS NO WAY Myka saw coffee in that dreamlike state with the red light in Buried. It had to be Helena somehow. That was the base. What made me actually start it (as always) was a feeling. At that time I was in a relationship for ~5 years and felt the wobble. I tried every thing I could think of at that time but in a lot of sense I was young and inexperienced. This was my therapeutic wishful thinking fic where I sort of made her Helena at the end of Instinct and wrote down what I wanted her to do and/or say. I did not expect I'll actually predict part of the situation but here we are (whoops). So on a sunny April afternnon I sat down and wrote 6 pages in 2 hours which is I think my all time record still. I would have written more but I had to go for a meeting. Later I wrote some more in the coming days / weeks, I got somewhere around 7k words but I think I only wrote the scene which I thought about a lot later (I do have it, I checked now!). 7 months later we broke up and against my hopes she never found her way back to me. She is better at moving on than I am and when she go together with a guy, I was devastated and even left tumblr and writing for a while. (But not before I wrote the prequel because I am very dramatique and I honestly love this about myself.)

I came back though but my relationship with B&W in reading and especially writing is only starting to recover (hence my decision to participate in the advent) but I do love the people in this fandom.

I have 10 119 words written, the longest I ever had in one fic and I had an idea about a plot that was just forming and I am so sad I wasn't able to write it down but for years it was too close and then at one point it became too distant. I think if I get myself to rewatch WH13 I might be able to continue it but I am gathering the strenght for that :) I think if I ever continue I'll post it in parts where stuff is resolved at that moment and when I finish another plot point I' upload those again. I wanted Helena to start sorting some stuff out with Myka before I throw them in some seriously angsty (but it would be fun too, cause it's me) Warehouse shenanigans and I didn't exactly get there yet.

I hope this satisfies some of your curiosity, I honestly feel I wanted to talk about it so thanks for "making me" :)

[kim-poce]

10. Witches Are Meant to Burn: Something is Wrong

On Patreon (two weeks earlier release)

First | Previous | Next | Masterlist

I’m Tina, and I’m a scholar. I have been Professor Ernestine Ruos-Aliene de Patry’s pupil for quite a few years now and I intent to keep on being her pupil until she gets bored of me and tell me to fuck off, which since I am a lovely student —and since I can do the boring part of her job for her— I don’t think wil happen anytime soon.

We have been in many many projects, usually they are more centered on something very specific, what one surely could guess, as my professor’s life obsession is a niche word in a saying so she lends a lot to details. She loves witches, I admit I am not as interested in the subject as she would like but I admire her love for it, it’s such a pure love. She doesn’t know what they were, but she loves them anyway.

The Podium Library Project is different, there is not a way to be specific about it. There is just too much going on, too much work, too many languages, just… this whole place feels like a mess in time and space. We —as a group— are working hard to catalog everything so the details won’t be studied in depth until we are done.

There are many out of place things, and I’m not even talking about the eight unknown languages. That's to be expected at some level, we don’t know much about the Fog Age but we do know that it erased many cultures, that’s not the point. I’m talking about how this place shouldn’t exist as it is. It's like, centuries ago, the whole continent joined forces to carve Podium, and pass on whatever knowledge they left on the works in here. Which, summing it up, this makes no sense.

I won’t lie, this is a very tiring project, and it has been really frustrating since we are far from cataloging everything and much less actually decrypting something. It’s fun too, after all Fog Age, I don’t think I need to say more than that! Still, more than the project I am worried about Professor Ernestine.

I know her very well. I first met her when we were teens, but we truly just started talking when she was graduating. Ernestine is a young woman, just two years older than me. She  has the light, almost blonde, shade of hair that the Aliene often have, cut short over the shoulder, and her eyes are gray as the Patry, she is short as her mother, and fat as her father. One can never not see her coming, because she wears extravagant clothes as if she was a vampire nobleman out of a novel, well, sometimes she wears things more regard like June, but that’s another point.

Weird things have happened with my professor since the start of the project. I think she might be sick. First of all, she passed out at the entrance of the library during a field job. It was so unlike her, she is very used to being underground, and there is nothing wrong with her health. The doctor said there was nothing wrong and honestly this worries me even more, Professor Ernestine de Patry, obviously dismissed it and told us not to worry about her.

She also has been slower. I don’t think she noticed it, but she is taking a bit longer to read and write things, and she spaces out more frequently than she used to. The other day she wrote down the same sentence three times in a row because she forgot she had already done it. I didn’t tell her about it, as a Patry having someone to worry about her would only make her mask her true feelings with the ‘everything is fine’ mask.

The fire didn’t help at all, from all things for these terrorists to pick they just fucking need to pick fire. At very least it was in the academy rather than her house, but I sure as hell won’t be grateful for it. I believe Podium is the safest place for now, they don’t seem to want to damage the archive, I hope they keep up this will, because a fire down here would be a nightmare.

“Tina, whose turn is it next?” Professor Ernestine asked, not taking her eyes out of the copy she was making. She ran her finger over the writing as is her old habit.

“Roman Igor,” I said, giving her a small smile even when she wasn’t looking at me. If it was before Podium she would know it, she has a better memory than everyone but Hector.

“Oh, yes,” she smiled, “He is so young, I'm curious to see him working. You will help me teach him, right?”

“Of course, but where did you find this child?” I asked.

“He is an adult,” she said with a shrug. She was wearing Giland’s —this region of Portia— traditional white dress, it doesn’t really fit her vibes but that’s on her. “He is older than you were when you became my student.”

“That’s different.”

“Of course it is,” she looked up at me and smiled again, “You are my favorite one. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

I didn’t answer, but she wasn’t wrong wrong.

We copied the books in silence for a while, partly because there were many books, but also because Professor started spacing out too often to allow us to work and talk. The cave was silent, our area of the library was wide enough not to hear the other groups, it was also very bright. One of my favorite things about the whole ‘oh no! Fate will kill children if we build houses when the caves are just there’ thing is that humans managed to make really good light devices due to this, including these ones that do not damage the old archive. Something about it is very funny to me.

“Tina,” Professor Ernestine called all of sudden, making me jump and draw a line on the copy. Spiders!

“Yes?”

“Whose turn is next?” she asked, again not looking up from her copy.

“It’s Roman Igor, professor,” I answered slowly, narrowing my eyes at her.

“Oh, yes,” she smiled as she did before, “He is so young, I'm curious to see him working. You will help me teach him, right?”

“...I will,” I looked her up and down, “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah?” she looked at you with a puzzled face. “I’m normal. Why?”

“No. Nothing,” I said. I wish I could just tell her that she has been weird. Spiders! These damn Patry and their damn pride.

We got back to writing, I admit I was more watching her than coping down the book —it was an easy book, since it’s from an old version of a current language— Luca will scold me later for coping so little and leaving the rest to him, but I was worried so all must be forgiven.

Professor Ernestine was coping uncharacteristically slowly, she ran her finger on the writing every time she finished a page. I watched as she suddenly stopped writing, staring down, more than lost in thoughts she seemed not to be thinking of anything at all. It scared me, but I just kept quietly watching. I counted. It was two whole minutes before she, just as suddenly, continued to write as if nothing had happened.

“What were you thinking about?” I asked, with the more nosy and casual tone of voice I had.

“What? When?”

“When you stopped writing just now,” I tried.

She tilted her head, “I didn’t stop anything, Tina, stop teasing and focus on your copy,” she rolled her eyes and continued, “Also, Tina.”

“...Yes?”

“Whose turn is next?”

I just looked at her, as if whatever was wrong would just let itself be known, as if she would stop joking and laugh at me.

“Tina? I asked you a question,” she frowned.

“It’s Roman Igor,” I said quietly.

“Oh, yes,” she smiled, “He is so young, I'm curious to see him working. You will help me teach him, right?”

“...yes,” I said. There was something very wrong with her.

—

@kathea, @extemporary-username, @wolfeyedwitch, @blu-jay-2779, @rose-pinkie, @latenightcupsofcoffee

[trans-axolotl]

for OCD anon

replying in a post so I can reply to all the asks at the same time again. 💜

You don't need to apologize for anything you've shared-I'm glad you're still reaching out. My inbox is a safe space to vent, and I can completely understand why you're so upset right now. It sounds like you've been dealing with so much for so long, and the challenges you've described sound exhausting and overwhelming. I hear you and understand your grief and fear about your experiences right now. I think it makes a lot of sense that you would be grappling with these feelings of loss, missing the way things were before, and feeling really tired and scared of the way things are right now. The memories you shared about going to art musuems seem very special, and I appreciate you sharing them with me.

I know that when I'm feeling this much pain, it can be really hard to access any sense of hope for the future. And that's okay if feeling hope about the big things feels just too hard right now. I'm holding a lot of hope for you right now--I am really proud of you, anon, for everything you're already doing to get through the day, for still being here, for being open to trying things, and for sharing and being vulnerable. Those things are so hard to do when everything in your brain feels like chaos, and I just really want to acknowledge that. Anything that helps you stay in this world is worth holding onto, whether it's small things that bring you hope, whether its another emotion like anger or stubbornness, whether it's because you know that there's things that have brought you joy and you refuse to leave until you can have some of those moments of joy again.

What you're living through right now is not easy and you are so allowed to feel upset, angry, scared, and overwhelmed about it-it's understandable and you are absolutely allowed to express those emotions. And I do really believe there is going to be a way through this for you that will allow you to have a future, even if things don't look exactly the same as they did when you were younger.

I wonder if it might feel valuable to think about what things might make it possible to reach out to support in your life, whether that's friends, your parents, other family, other adults in your life, chosen family--whoever feels safest to you. Sometimes writing things out felt easier for me than actually having a conversation where I had to speak, and I wonder if it would feel easier to reach out to someone if you wrote out a message to them, or even if you screenshotted the ask you sent and shared it with them. Maybe if there's a certain time of day that would feel easier, or trying out any of the new coping skills to try to create a brief moment that could make it more achievable. I compeltely get why it's been so hard to reach out to people--I felt the same way and it truly can feel impossible, and I don't want to minimize what you're going through at all. I also want you to be able to access any support you can that would help you get through this really rough time, so that you don't have to carry this whole burden alone.

Overall, want to just say again that I'm really glad you're still here and reaching out, that I really do hear + empathize with what you're going through right now, and I'm holding this space for you to share whatever you need to about the depths of your pain right now. Please know that I'm here to listen and provide support in the ways I can online, and that my inbox is always open to you.

💜

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary366

9/21/24

saturday

read more today.

i wrote this earlier because of the reading:

waking from dreams with visions of hanging gardens over white countertops, my home(s), grandmother’s house, my stepfather’s house, conjoined and mine, i am tending to things, cooking cleaning, great vines of ivy and the white tile, a gel film over a lens, a blooming green, terracotta and the ceiling’s hooks, the blues of the chains, visions years in the past arriving once again, a cycle of waves: 

hours later, reading mad love by breton, the image appears:

it is from now on perfumed, as if tiers of gardens were to be raised above us. 

an earlier notion in the book, desire wavering the preconscious shallows (knee-high water, in the night, nothing standing but in the reflection, intercut by the darkness of moonless night, a body, staring, pointing) all its methods of showing the object of desire, dreams and the encounters with objects, the answers to thirst and tomorrow will be other, or some such thing.

the book is very good, he's hit an incredible stride at the point i'm at, recounting this night/day he had with this woman, walking through paris, he says at one point, pleading with himself it feels like, let me have faith in my new sun, the page prior he said something about how it's only in fairy tales where doubt does not creep in, about love, the fact he makes space for both of these feelings, the restlessness, is incredibly beautiful. it's all very much though, the sense of longing, following someone through conversations, the city, the absence of this kind of... it's about the being there with her, the sense of everything, movement especially, movement speaking to the feelings, it's become more physical now but not less complex, it's taking all these ideas and placing them in the body now, it makes it hurt almost, how lovely it is. so it is of course becoming a favorite, a book where i have to earmark 3 pages in a row.

i keep thinking, should i try joining this vc i see going on? i guess i can try, i keep feeling tired then un tired and all over again, plus i'm anxious, but what for? the book proves to me, i have a new sun in my life, or less new than breton's, she's been here for years with me, both of us encountering the other (i am her moon, at least, i hope so (this describes our dynamic well (it is the sun which chases the moon))), i have this beating heart within my life, in it we live together, all fear can melt away, we offer to the other the well of potentiality every day by breathing, not for the other but around the other, we are plants supporting each other in roots. so why fear anything?

interesting to read this thinking of bataille because he proves the same things, in ways, but he is more about exhaustion, mania, sprinting to the edge and the sense of irretrievability, falling off the face of a cliff, infinite abjection, transgression and the return of the walls which one transgressed, always being painted as such though, the social forces and tensions which drive lovers to greater intensities and greater manias. the two, rejoined, breton and bataille, my gf and i said to eachother, would once again birth lautreamont into earth, or rimbaud.

but i do know what i fear, i think, i'm scared of being dull maybe, but... who cares, if i am dull i will be a dull blade, torturous, drawing blood by constancy over anything else, some pleasure to be had.

my gf is also out rn which is why i am contemplating this, she's with her friends making kpop charms, for ateez.

maybe i just don't want to, though, it doesn't matter, i should just hang out w/ these people when my gf is gone anyways, i also feel bad thinking about it because i haven't talked to some of my closest friends in a while in vc. this would be mostly like talking to strangers.

i will just not... yeah...

i also worked on music today, i did something to make a synth sound better, a couple songs actually, i think i need to do one last little thing to one, or get a better kinda sound out of it, and then i need to go back to an older problem song and figure that out... i want that to sound more grotty...

um, otherwise today, i've just been kind of sitting around, i'm very sleepy now, i keep waking up a little too early. but now i'm gonna sleep, oh i need to edit writing tomorrow... defininitellyyy,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[arlecchno]

IM SO GLAD YOURE ALSO LOVING SUMMERS FIC IM LIKE ACTUALLY SO IN LOVE WITH IT (insert me going batshit insane) alsooo do look forward to more stupid banter in the middle of supposedly serious situations , they are the best and there are more . stan mcs little water creations tbh

bleh , honestly all my other writing works are old and i think pretty shitty at this point but i can link you to some if you really want (or i could write you a short story / drabble , i feel like thatd be less embarrassing on my part lmao , lmk if you want that) about my games though ... 1 2 3(WIP) the first two are well over a year old now , plus primarily unedited , so dont mind any possible grammar mistakes or generally terrible story flow (i swear ive gotten better since these 😰) and the third was also created last year (for a school project) , im slooowly chipping away at finishing the code haha ...

I ACTUALLY COMMENT ON MY OWN DOCS AS WELL !!! there arent much of them because .. well i havent wrote much outside of my private dms LOL

i also think it is insanely fun to comment on my own work

aand ive contacted my friends (aka my two and only true loves /p /hj) about the kinnie thing .. and one of them sent me this to fill out

youre not wrong actually haha , am i that easy to read ?

im an ambivert , i dont like seeking out social interaction irl unless its one of my close friends or im just that bored , but i do get really loud / energetic when i am comfortable (i think you can tell that by how much goddamn energy i put into these asks) but my "social battery" still drains relatively fast i cant handle people very well lmao honestly , my and cynos reasoning for making our terrible jokes align a bit , although most people (apart from my irl friends apparently ???) dont find me intimidating , my main motivation when i slip in puns is to get people to laugh at how terrible they are , because im well aware theyre pretty bad (or all my friends just have the same broken sense of humor i do) . but yeah , i guess now theres two people on my genshin kin list now why do i kin both of the artificial humans in the game -

lets play a game where we ask eachother random questions , so its easier to end things off lol , got a window in your room ? if so , rate the view it has !

- jellyfish

yes the summers fic is so good thank you very much for recommending me it 😖🫶

AND YOOO THOSE GAMES ARE CUTE HAHA i liked nel and akira!!! also impressive how you did 2/3 of them in scratch,, i've had very little experience with it from like a few years back when i took a computing class and damn was it hard as hell 😵‍💫😵‍💫 so kudos to you man

glad i'm not the only one who comments on my own fics on docs LMAO and like you said, it's insanely fun!!!

the way that you're technically all of the above in the bingo ��😭😭 and that drawing is sooo pretty!£8483£!!£! is that you or an oc of yours? (either way i've been eyeing it ever since i started typing here, hehe)

sooo i basically predicted what you're like irl?

i think for the most part it's because i'm a bit similar to you in some sort of ways, i'm only ever close with my closest friends and can get tired by interacting with people sometimes 😞 but the downside is that everyone finds me scary HAHA 😭😭 my friends had told me a bunch of times on how intimidating i look, when i really just have a normal expression on my face... apparently they said i always look like i have murder on my mind 🚶‍♀️

you now have another addition to the kin list, congrats 🤗

GREAT GAME!!! i do have a window in my room but it doesn't really have a great view... i'm currently living in a shitty apartment for the time being and the only thing i see from the window of my room is my neighbour's unit from my apartment complex 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ so i'd probably give it a 3/10 T-T

now, a question for you! what's the most silliest thing that you currently own? (it can be a purchased item, a gift you got, etc)

hope you're having a great day jellyfish ^^

[justfor2am]

2-8, 16, 17, 23, 26, 29, 37, 47, 49, + 50 for the ask game 4 writers or whatever the name is? u rbed it like .5 hours ago i think n i was gna send questions when u originally did but ive had a shit day so i didn't get to until now 😓 don't feel pressured to do them all btw since theres a lot of them!! n also for any of them w specific fics feel free to do whatever fic u want :3

HELLO you are my favorite ever. actually. omg. i hope you feel better soon, i answered all of them btw so i hope this helps

2 not rpf, not beta read, angst, hurt/comfort, yeah that all tracks 100%

3 touching…. big on non-verbal communication acting as whole conversations, big on flowery language (i'm trying to cut back so as to not seem pretentious lol) also scarian. i just wanna write about scarian. they are my everything i must put them into every scenario ever.

4 in 7th Sense how i named all the andriods. scar is GT-2319, numerical code for GTWS. doc, pearl and ren all have similar naming themes lol

5 i'll befriend you in reverse, why the hell is scar stuck in the woods? despite being a powerful fae, he can't leave the enchanted woods, they're like a physical part of himself that has its own sentience and desires. essentially, a deal he made when he was young turned sour, and now the forest follows him everywhere. the woods want scar to live as long as possible, because he's what keeps the woods alive.

6 so soon enough, you'll find you never knew me at all this fic could be seen as a companion to another i wrote, where grian's the second ever Watcher to be "born" and not "chosen". the "void" scar sees in grian? it's a Watcher-side effect.

7 a million dreams for the world we're gonna make, again lmao. this was my first ever HC fic, and i sometimes find myself thinking about that lonely citadel grian's floating on in the middle of the void, akin to a giant bird cage for him to grow up in, alone.

8 It's Never Enough by we are the dirt, i'm really tired rn but i'd be happy to go into why this BANGS if you'd like tmmr

16 idk if you can tell, but i am in fact an enjoyer of actor au!s. give me more, actually.

17 this is a fic i've been TRYING to write but chapter 2 eludes me still: grian's an avian in a world that fears and despises hybrids, he grew up raised by vexes because the rest of his nestmates and mother were slaughtered before he was born, he grows up causing minor problems for human villages to pass the time until he's eventually caught by a trapper, scar. here's chapter one

scar's a vex hybrid himself, but hides it in order to scam his way through life. grian, trapped, is now at the mercy of a mad scientist who, in his desire to quell society's fear of hybrids, wants to dissect him. grian blackmails scar into helping him stay alive and tries to escape, eventually the two finding common ground.

oh, also mumbo's the mad scientist. he makes dioramas of mobs and decorates his lab with them for fun.

23 honestly, a proper superhero au. at least a one shot, but specifically for the romantic tension.

26 no dialogue, easy. honestly i kinda wanna write one with no dialogue just as a challenge.

29 i made a couple of playlists for my actor au, here's some notable songs from grian's and scars':

grian: Don't Assume What You Don't Know by Grace VanderWaal jealousy, jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo You Stupid Bitch by girl in red

scar: SCOOP by Lil Nas X feat. Doja Cat Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High by Arctic Monkeys Boyfriend by Dove Cameron

(again, very sleep, happy to go into more detail later)

37 skeleton is the best fucking fic i've ever written and i will forever stand by that. yes it's short. yes it's a one-shot. please don't let that deter you, it's the best scar characterization i've ever done in my life. read it. please.

47 though i've closed my eyes, i know who you pretend i am is a pair of steel-toed boots. once perfectly shined and polished, a seemingly important royal crest stamped on the outer skin of the tongue, but the silver has seen better days, worn down from exposure to the elements. still, they are well loved, the original, now somewhat ratty laces tied in double knots, a bow on each shoe still low enough to threaten tripping. these shoes are still in continual use, despite being told a fancier pair would be a smarter choice. no, he quite liked these ones, thank you very much.

49 i'm meant to be working on chapter 19 of my actor au, butttt i've not started so have some bullshit i just came up with instead:

The pair had set up rules for a good reason.

"You're staring again."

One of them had a inclination towards a poor memory.

"Is that a crime?"

Grian could only hope Scar would try and remember.

"It's about to be."

50, answering 25 as a cheeky bonus: https://www.onelook.com/ is a GODSEND. the thesaurus page? heavenly.

[got a question?]