#i hope this makes sense I just woke up

[schizosupport]

hi glitch! no pressure about answering, but I don't have any other schizospec people I can talk to, and I need some support

recently I got diagnosed with Other Specified Schizophrenia Spectrum Disorder/Psychotic Disorder, and I'm starting weekly therapy to get a specific diagnosis and treatment, and I have an evaluation with a psychiatrist to look at meds next week.

the thing is, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around this. I've gone through my whole life up to this point trusting my sense of reality, and only had a brief period of time when I self diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (never confirmed).

AND I've started to look into medication, and the one i'll probably be prescribed is Ablify, which seems to have a ton of scary side effects. I'm still in school, and while I'm almost certain I can get accommodations, I can't be sure, and adolescents can be cruel.

truth be told, I'm just scared. I see posts about the opportunities taken away from schizospec people, and I haven't been living under a rock, I know all the stigma that surrounds what I know now to be my community.

like I said, no pressure to answer, I just want some advice and support from a more experienced member of the community.

Hello there!

It's been a while since you sent this message. I hope you are feeling at least a bit more settled in the situation?

It's always wild to get a diagnosis that you didn't necessarily expect. For me, my initial "psychosis not otherwise specified" diagnosis also completely blindsided me, and so did the later schizophrenia diagnosis.

It's true that there's a lot of stigma and bullshit surrounding the schizo spec disorders, but I also want to highlight that schizo spec people are awesome, and we're strong and we got each other's backs. In my experience the psychotics and schizos are the underdogs of not only the psychiatric community but also the mental health community. But that also means that you get a unique opportunity to learn who's a true ally, and to practice your own understanding and acceptance of other marginalized experiences on the edges of life. In my experience our community is one of the most compassionate and accepting communities around, probably bc we know intimately what it's like to have weird experiences and be judged for it. Try to navigate towards a place in your head where you align yourself with other marginalized people and don't get caught up in bitterness about a uniquely fucked situation, but instead take it as a sign to be kind above all else and to think about who else in society might be in a similar position, to find your allies and take comfort in unity.

In terms of the stigma, I think something to keep in mind as a newly diagnosed person, is that to the extent that it's possible, you are the owner of the information about your mental health. And you don't owe anyone disclosure. I'm not saying to necessarily always try to be vague, there ARE safe places and safe people and there ARE situations where you might genuinely broaden someone's horizons by introducing them to the notion that "we are here. We're one of you". But there are also plenty of situations where you don't wanna share that information. You can let them assume, you can omit, you can even lie.

People frequently assume that I'm autistic, and I don't correct them. Maybe I'll respond with "something like that" if they ask. Especially in professional settings. Unless you want someone to know, it's none of their business what exactly is your deal.

In terms of medication, the important thing to keep in mind is that it helps some people, but it is also not (shouldn't be) mandatory to take meds because you're schizo spec. You can give it a try, but if it isn't doing anything helpful for you, you are not obligated to take it. The psych might act like you have to and like it would be completely irresponsible not to. Try to take it with a grain of salt. Think about your life so far, the symptoms that have led to this diagnosis. Can you live with that? Do the meds help with that? Are there side effects and are thet worth it?

I take a low dose of antipsychotics myself and I've tried without and with higher doses too. For me at this point in life, a low dose of antipsychotics are helpful to me.

I'm happy to hear that you've been offered therapy!! I hope that it's any good, and that it's been helpful. I definitely think that therapy (with a good therapist) can be instrumental in dealing with psychotic symptoms.

In the end I just wanna say.. it's gonna be ok. I know it's a big scary new thing, but it is also actually "just" a word that's descriptive of symptoms that you already had. This doesn't mean that you are bound to get worse. Try not to panic about looking for new symptoms or symptoms you might've missed. This can make you worse, as you start questioning all of your experiences and whether they are psychotic. It can be little things like questioning every little sensory input. Try to remember that hallucinations aren't inherently harmful and sometimes you don't have to know if it's real or not bc it literally doesn't matter.

It can often be tumultuous when you've just gotten this diagnosis, before you get used to the thought and reestablish your sense of identity and reality with this in mind. But there is a point of peace coming up. It does normally get easier, as you settle into this new understanding. And you can help yourself along by reminding yourself that the only thing that changed is that you were given a word to describe your existing experience.

I hope any of this is helpful. Best of luck, anon,, and welcome to (knowingly being a member of) the community!

[scribe-of-monsters]

The thing about the aftermath of the creation scene in Frankenstein is that it's a tragedy that can't really be avoided. There's no real feasible outcome of that situation that is good for everyone.

Being abandoned was definitely a terrible thing to happen to Adam, of course, but unfortunately due to the circumstances, it's unlikely that anything else could have happened. Even if he had stayed, Victor still would have gotten sick and wouldn't have been able to care for Adam, whether he wanted to or not. After the creation, Victor is extremely sick, close to dying. He was bedridden for months afterwards and needed to be taken care of himself. His illness wasn't caused because the creature was "too ugly," either, it was caused by him spending two years barely eating or sleeping and being exposed to constant stress and isolation. He was sick before the creature even came to life. There wasn't much parenting he could have done.

The best case scenario in this situation would be for Clerval to care for both Victor and Adam, but Clerval is also a struggling college student with no medical or parenting experience. He wouldn't feasibly be able to give them both all the the care that they needed, and it wouldn't be fair to ask that of him anyway.

It's a very unfair situation for all of them. It isn't fair that Adam was abandoned, or that Clerval had to spend months nursing Victor back to health, but it also isn't fair to blame Victor for getting sick or not caring for Adam, something he wasn't physically able to do. There wasn't really a good outcome here, and tragic as it is, that's kind of the point of the story. Sometimes situations aren't black and white, and there really isn't anything you can do to avoid them.

[cousinshipper]

I was looking at your rentry with the emoji combos and I was wondering what the “underage” one meant. Is it like two underage characters or is there something more to it? Sorry I am an overanalyzer and overthinker to the fullest 😭

(when used on a blog) means someone who enjoys underage ships or (when used in a fanfiction or smthn) means there's underage ships in the fic!! ^_^

[wc-confessions]

(hawkash anon) i think im starting to get it. one more thing that confuses me is i see a lot proshippers say similar things about their bad ships where they say they don't condone it & acknowledge it's bad but think the ship dynamics are interesting and that's why they draw it or make fanfic of it. what would make acknowledging hawkash's actions different from those certain proshippers? also im not trying to argue im autistic and a lot of things have to be spelled out for me and i say stuff bluntly ;~;

the main difference is their approach to it. if they really acknowledged that their first instance wouldnt be to endorse or create smut of these characters and romanticize the toxicity involved. a proshipper will convince you bc they know its bad its fine, its common for them to say that, but what determines if they handle it wrong is how they treat it.

normal people wouldnt just do that basically if they acknowledged it was bad. ive never seen proshippers respond to the ship the same way as a normal person would. if you feel like someones interaction with ot crosses a certain line youll recognize it.

"these two guys suck but theyre interesting bad guys i wanna make silly fan art" ≠ "these two guys suck and im going to focus on the abuse in their relationship and make nsfw/suggestive content bc i think its hot"

[housewifebuck]

Hi! I saw your beer post and i love it but i also dont get like in the first pic buck is drinking from a green bottle and the ones that eddie keeps on his freezer are not the same and then the one buck is drinking on his house is also different i think? Am i missing smth?

HI so in the original post they’re at bucks apartment drinking two separate types of beer. And in the addition, Eddie has another type of beer stocked in his fridge, which is the same as what Buck has at his apartment in the next episode (and possibly on other occasions that I haven’t noticed). This beer is different than the two they were drinking in the original post.

[imaredshirt]

Give me a Stan who thinks Fiddleford doesn't know how to throw a punch, much less defend himself in a fight with your average goon, so one morning he takes it upon himself to show the nerd a few basic jabs and hooks and maybe an uppercut or two behind the cabin, because let's face it, there's gonna be a time when Stan can't be there to take a hit for the guy or defend his nerd butt. So he's gonna teach him some stuff for his own peace of mind.

Fiddleford just kind of genially goes along with it, following Stan around the back of the cabin and watching with hands on his hips and a smile as Stan gets into position.

"This is one of the most basic punches in the world, so pay attention, 'cause I'm not gonna show you again," Stan says, knees slightly bent and fists up.

Fidds nods. "You've got my full attention, Stanley."

Stan isn't sure if he's imagining the way Fidds is eyeing him up and down, but he automatically flexes his arms a little more than he needs to. Up ahead, Ford is sitting on a tree stump and taking samples of the air or something (Stan had stopped listening to Ford's explanation once his words went from interesting to Big Science Shit that Stanley Does NOT Care About) and he's watching them with this amused grin, rolling his eyes skyward when Stan won't stop flexing and showing his arms off.

Stan ignores him and rolls his shoulders before jabbing his fists forward in a quick one-two. "There - you catch that?"

Fidds has got his arms crossed now and gives Stan a thumbs up. "Sure did!"

"See, just like this," Stan says, and shows him again despite saying earlier that he wouldn't.

He shows him a few more punches, going over each one a couple times before telling the engineer to mirror him, even getting in close to adjust the guy's scrawny arms and balled fists. He's being real professional about it and everything and doesn't understand why Ford keeps grinning and shaking his head at them, which is making him a little incensed but he stamps it down because Fidds is watching him with this nerdy, dopey smile while letting himself be maneuvered around and he's gotta learn to defend himself 'cause Stan can't stand the thought of some jerkwad wiping that smile off the nerd's face.

"See," he says near the end of the lesson, tapping his fist right against Fidds’s chin. "Do it right and your fist'll hit right here."

Fidds tilts his head a fraction at the touch. "Well alright then, seems easy enough."

"Yeah, like I said, if you do it right. Gimme your hand-" he takes Fidds’s wrist and taps the guy's balled fist against his own stubbly jaw. "Right here. You got that?"

Fidds nods. "Sure do!"

"Good." Stan drops Fidds’s wrist and gets into position again. "Then come on - lay one on me."

Fidds pulls back and blinks at him. "Come again?"

"Hit me!" Stan taps his jaw. "Right here!"

The guy suddenly looks nervous and galnces over at Ford for help. "Hit you? Stanley, I don't think-"

This is what Stan means. Fidds isn't always gonna be able to look to him or Ford to save him. He gets this weird, uncomfortable feeling in his chest at the thought of Fidds facing off against some asshat on his own, and that alone is enough to keep him from letting the guys off easy, if only to get rid of the weird feeling. Maybe a bit selfish but he doesn't care.

"Ah, come on, one little punch ain't gonna hurt ya, Fidds."

"I'm not worried about me," Fidds says, and then frowns when Stan barks a laugh.

"You think you're gonna hurt ME?"

Fidds is still frowning when Ford calls over in an amused, warning tone, "This is not a good idea, Stanely!"

"Just worry about your air test or whatever and leave us alone," Stan calls back. Ford shrugs and scribbles something in his journal, and when Stan turns back to Fidds, Fidds is finally getting into position.

He looks unsure, watching Stan nervously as Stan stands before him with his arms crossed.

"Hey, not bad form - you ready?"

"Well, I suppose so," Fidds says, accent coming in a little thicker than before. "Stan, if you're sure, I should probably warn ya-"

"Don't tell me nothing, just punch me!"

Fidds presses his lips into a line and throws his fist - and jabs Stan on the chin just hard enough to tilt Stan's head half an inch to the side.

"That's it?" Stan guffaws and shakes his head. "That was barely a tap!"

"I don't wanna hurt ya!" Fidds says, sounding so conflicted that Stan gets this urge to pull him into a headlock and ruffle his hair and drive the worry away.

Instead he riles him up.

"Please," he says. "Fidds, look - one of these days I'm not gonna be there to take a hit for you, and then what're you gonna do? Just let some jerk punch ya around?"

Fidds looks slightly perplexed. "Where is this all comin from? No, Stanley, I am NOT gonna just let some jerk punch me around."

"Good! So you gotta learn to defend yourself!" Fidds still looks unsure, so Stan tries a different angle. "Okay, how 'bout this - what if some jerks are beating up on me and Ford, huh? You're just gonna let em?"

Fidds looks up. "What? No, I am not!"

"You're gonna defend us?"

"Dangnabbit, Stan - of course I am!"

"Not gonna let us get our teeth kicked out?"

"What!? No!"

"Then show me!" Stan slaps a hand against his own chin. "Right here, come on! I'm some jerk who just threw your friend Stan to the ground and I'm about to kick him in the gut, what're ya gonna-"

The blow lands hard. Stan's head jerks to the side and he's thrown off balance, and he sees actual stars before his vision clears again and he realizes he's crumpled on the ground. His head swims as hands pull him around onto his back.

"Mother o pearl!" Fidds gasps. He's got his hands on Stan's face, careful touch at complete odds with the punch he'd just landed in the same place. "Are you alright? I am so sorry! I hit ya and you weren't even ready and - you just got me so riled up and I tried to tell ya and I shoulda said earlier instead o just lettin ya show me all those moves, but I just wanted to, well - goddangit, Ford, this ain't funny."

Ford's laughing as he comes up behind them, looking down at where Stan is staring kinda dazedly up at Fidds, who's kneeling by his side in the cool grass. "We did try to tell him, Fiddleford."

"Tell me what?" Stan demands. His jaw is already aching but Fidds’s hands feel kinda good so he doesn't tell him to move.

"Fiddleford was a boxing champion back back in his hometown," Ford says.

Stan blinks. "Bwuh-?"

"Not much of a champion," Fidds says with a wince, but he's blushing a bit as he goes on, "It was never anythin official, but - well, I did win more than a few matches at some backyard parties, see, and - well, people usually don't think I got any hittin power or can defend myself, but my Ma's been all too happy to teach me since I was little, and-"

The guy's rambling, and Stan quits being able to understand what he's saying half way through cause the accent is coming in thick and Ford’s chuckling and standing there looking proud of his best friend and Stan’s a little worried that he's still jarred from the hit, cause when he looks at Fidds kneeling there, one hand one Stan's chest and the other bashfully rubbing his neck while he rambles on - he's still seeing stars.

Later, while Stan sits in the living room with an bag of ice in his jaw and Fiddleford sitting next to him, still rambling about all the times he'd knocked a few guys into the mud in some backcountry hoedown get-together or whatever, Stan can lean back and relax and grin, knowing Fidds is gonna be just fine.

He can't wait to teach him wrestling.

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

i... wrote a smol fic (っ´▽`*)っ

also!!!!! If you haven't seen it - shoutout to first ever published fic in Ninja Showdown/My Immortal Soul tags - Lustrous Red by @missadmyre !!!

[problemcore]

like yea when i was. freaking 16. i saw buccellati as a very parental figure to the passione kids. but im 20 now and im overcome with dread at how the entire world is at his shoulders the entire season. its terrifying. and you reduce him to the mom friend? whatever is actually going on with him is much more intriguing

[marblerose-rue]

i may be a bit too late but here's squilf playing with her tail for the squilf anon!!! i hope they see this :,-)

[transmascutena]

Good evening (or morning, depending on your timezone).

Absolutely no hate, but I want to ask how you reconcile your enjoyment of the show with the reality of what Ikuhara has (most likely) done?/gen

I understand Death of the Author, but what drew me to Utena in the first place was its theme of critiquing the patriarchy and calling out abuse, which feels somewhat hypocritical now. I resonate with this show, and many of Ikuhara's other shows, on a personal level, which is why I am especially disappointed with the accusations since I now have to wonder how that reflects onto me as a person...?

Obviously I don't know you personally, but you seem to spend a lot of time and care on your analyses (which are great btw) so have you also struggled with this?

Again, there is like zero judgement when I say this and I'm absolutely not trying to come off as hostile (in case that is how this reads). And, there is no pressure on you to answer this and I'll completely understand if you want to ignore the ask.

Thanks.

hi, i've been thinking about this as well since yesterday, and it is kind of tough to figure out how to feel about. i think it's important to remember that ikuhara did not make revolutionary girl utena alone, for one. he had a whole team of writers and animators and producers and so on, that it would not exist without. obviously ikuhara played a big part in the show's creation, but far from the only one (if it was, i have no doubt it would be very very different), and . idk what my point really is here but i don't think his actions reflect on the show as a whole. it still is what it is, it still says the same important things about our society's systems of abuse that we've always talked about, even if the director didn't understand it or didn't want to understand it or however you want to put it. and by extension i don't think it reflects on to all the people who have enjoyed the show, who have seen their experiences in it, who have learned from it more about how this kind of abuse works and so on. and i think we need to be aware of what has (allegedly, but again, i believe it) happened, but i don't necessarily think we need to write off the show just because he had a hand in making it. because it is just as important as we've always known it to be, you know? though i think there are (as there has always been and there always is in anything) elements of the show to be critical of, and maybe some new things as well in light of this. i'll have to think about it more.

[devflamme]

im so tired of people talking more about the "w. maximoff" in the trailer than agatha herself. like oh my god theres leaks saying that joe lockes character will be using a book throughout the series and that fucking piece of paper is from westviews LIBRARY. if joe lockes character is actually billy, im 100% sure thats his name there - william maximoff, not wanda maximoff. in the day wanda died, WILLIAM went there and got a book about magic. thats it. thats not fucking wanda. shes dead

and about the body in the woods: thats actually agatha. its a spell that rio is using to take agatha out of wandas own spell. rio even says "is that how you see yourself?", as if she had taken that from agathas own mind - as if agathas identity was erased, killed because of wandas spell and mind control.

does this make sense

[zukosbangtan]

that whole "zuko is a bad firebender" jabbering is honestly so funny to me even if it's turned into "zuko was a bad firebender before he actually found himself yadda yadda" bc like..that's not true?

i mean yeah zuko definitely became a much better firebender after he figured out who he really is and what his actual destiny is. he literally learned about firebending from the original firebenders lol. (which also refutes that "azula would've won the final agni kai if she hadn't turned crazy" argument imo but we move)

but have these people actually seen zuko firebend in B1?? like from his training sessions to him literally winning the agni kai against Zhao, a grown ass man with several years of firebending experience as a literal war admiral and who learned to firebend from a firebend master. zuko had also already mastered martial arts and sword combat at like..16 (which is crazy impressive if u actually think abt it lol). the former which he uses a lot in his firebending as well.

idk i'm just ranting a little rn cause this is a discourse that has always bothered me a lil lol. and that argument seems to stem from the fact that his sister azula is a firebending prodigy but he is not and from the fact that he's a way better firebender at the end of the series (which...duh?) which means he must have been a bad firebender at the beginning of it?

ig what i'm trying to say is even if he hadn't mastered firebending in the earlier seasons yet and even if his firebending used to come from the wrong emotions back then, he was always a good firebender (who then became even better). he always had such a strong raw firebending power to him.

like u don't have to be a prodigy or master at something to be considered "good" so i wonder where that "he used to be such a bad firebender haha" came from lol. but maybe that's just me idk.

RANT OVER! (for now at least. stay tuned!)

[limonjarritos]

The wine bottle and symbolism

this is personally my take on the symbolism of the wine bottle/bottle opener as based on a post by galaxitic

The wine as a symbol for obsession for a loss of control. For how Vincent feels about his fixation with Rody. Of even in a way a symbol for Rody himself.

The wine opener being Vince's semblance of control over that obsession. That he believes he has control on his feelings about Rody. But when he goes to open that bottle its not in a semblance of control but that of panic, that of impulse but he still tells himself that it's something, not realizing that with a sip of the wine he's consumed back. His rational is consumed. Just like how this whole time Rody has made him drunk with impulse.

How the wine is admittedly what does him in.

Vince breaks the bottle, breaks 'Rody' through a lack of control. He uses the bottle opener to try and open the real thing, drunk and searching for more, willing to truly give into his impulses and be intoxicated.

Vince has for the most part up until this point been bottling up his feelings, playing the part of mild mannered and in control (though his control isn't perfect. The rat, the watching through the peep hole-)

Rody taking that broken bottle in hand, takes said obsession and kills Vincent with it. Because a broken bottle is going to hurt you. Because Rody is so broken right now, shattered, reeling from the revelation that Manon has been killed. The love bleeding from his body and a hot demand for revenge coming to him that results in the burning of Vince.

[marsdeathdefiances]

Modern au Alcibiades doing get-ready-with-me story time about how he fucked his teacher (Socrates) while Socrates is sitting not far from him grading papers

[margokesses]

Okay so in the lightining theif book (if I remember correctly) grover is essentially just comic relief. Which makes sense the book is for 12 year Olds and they gotta stay engaged somehow.

So when aryan got casted I was nervous bc I feel like in western media when it comes to South East Asian males... they're usually just the butt of the joke anyways.

But when the show came out I was pleasantly surprised that he wasn't the comic relief. Sure he has a few funny moments but for the most part he feels like an actual character. He's worried about failing another quest. He's super passionate about nature and animals in a more serious way. The diner scene with ares could have gone completely differently but I'm glad that it showed grover choosing that time to manipulate ares.

And like idk I saw a post earlier on tik tok by a book purist complaing that he's not acting like book grover and it lowkey rubbed me the wrong way. Like do you not want actual depth? Or do you just wanna see a little brown boy made into a joke again like you're used to seeing in western media?

[rogueddie]

what if steve calls eddie baby boy and it started as a way of countering the big boy thing but it just ends up sticking because steve loves taking care of people and eddie likes being babied