#i hope this is the right list bc tumblr is shitty with asks

[biwifeenergia]

4-7, 10, 13 & 15 🙃

4. favourite dish specific for your country? asado but more than anything choripan with chimichurri 💕

5. favourite song in your native language? el señor - la vela puerca

6. most hated song in your native language? celebra la vida

7. three words from your native language that you like the most? cariño, pendorcho, diluvio

10. most enjoyable swear word in your native language? la concha de la lora bc it makes no sense

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders? kissing the mate for luck, and touching your boob when saying m*nem's name bc he's bad luck

15. a saying, joke, or hermetic meme that only people from your country will get? atiendo boludos

[folklorebae]

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐦 𝐀𝐔 - 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐

𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐥𝐞  𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟏 𝐅𝐢𝐜

Cast(s): Actress!Reader & Actor!Suna Rintarou

Warning(s): Swearing, a bit suggestive at the end, reader is using she/her pronouns, girls in pics are just for references, all of these pictures aren't mine (I just edited some of them)

A/n: This is the longest insta au I've ever made. Bcs I just discovered that you can upload more than 10 images on tumblr's web. But I hope it's not boring tho😭

Liked by sadiesink_ and 8,274,815 others

yourinstagram wanna take this downtown?

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nikizefanya This liquid courage got me way too honest

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ynfan13 WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!?

rintarousuna We should explore europe together, wdyt?

↳yourinstagram Ofc, you're the Boots to my Dora❤️

↳rintarousuna Okay, princess

↳aquariusuna WTF AAAAAA!!! SO YOU GUYS ARE OFFICIAL NOW?!?

↳sunafan15 Y/N, I'D DIE IF RIN CALLS ME PRINCESS. TELL ME WHAT BLACK MAGIC ARE YOU USING?!?

↳ynfan14 LITERALLY JUST DIED. FUCKING FINALLY!!! YOU GUYS ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER❤️❤️❤️

rinynfloral I KNEW IT. I FUCKING KNEW IT

antiyn2 Just a week ago he said he wanna keep the relationship private and now look at his "girlfriend". This is definitely for pr

↳ynfan15 I smell jealousy😌

↳cinnamon.ln You need to realise that he got interviewed months ago, darl. People change. Just be happy for them, you're so negative lmao

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Liked by aranojiro and 7,527,941 others

rintarousuna あの通りを散歩して街灯の下で踊った

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atsumumiya That's it, I'm gonna log out from this shitty app

↳yourinstagram You're just jealous, Miya

↳rintarousuna You're just jealous, Miya (2)

↳osamumiya You're just jealous, Miya (3)

↳astumumiya SAMU?!?

↳atsumumiya @aranojiro Help mee

↳aranojiro No

rinyn.crew OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!

ynfan16 idc what yall gonna say, THEY ARE THE IT COUPLE

↳ynfan17 AGREED

rareyn Go to Paris for PFW❎️

Go to Paris bcs is a big simp✅️

↳sunafan16 LMAO YES, I JUST REALISED HE GOT NO REASON TO BE IN PARIS😭

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48,926 likes

therinynpost RINYN STANS!! HOW ARE WE FEELING RN???

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ynfan18 SO YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT THEY'RE IN LONDON RN?!?

↳sunafan17 RIN WASN'T JOKING WHEN HE ASKED HER TO TRAVEL AROUND EUROPE TOGETHER😭😭😭

ynfan19 THEY LOOK SO CUTE TOGETHER

sunafan18 FINALLY THEY FEEL COMFORTABLE TO BE SEEN IN PUBLIC. IM SO HAPPY FOR THEM

sunafan19 MY SHIP IS FINALLY SAILING

ynfan20 Love is in the air😭❤️

23,846 likes

dreamyyn GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!! Y/N WILL PLAY FOR A MOVIE DIRECTED BY THE ONE AND ONLY SHINSUKE KITA!!

View all 752 comments

ynfan21 OMG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!! HES ONE OF THE BEST MOVIE DIRECTORS

ynfan22 OMGG WHERE CAN I READ THIS ARTICLE???

↳dreamyyn I just put the link in my story!

ynfan23 Y/N, RIN, KIYOKO, OSAMU IN ONE MOVIE?!? IM DEAD

ynfan24 OMG I'VE READ THE BOOK!! HE'S RIGHT! Y/N DEFINITELY WILL KILL THIS ROLE

ynfan25 You know you're a good actor when you could impress him😩

31,825 likes

tmz_tv Love is in the air for the newest A-list couple. Just a day after made their relationship Instagram official, they were seen together at The National Gallery in London. Link in bio for all we know about their romantic museum date.

View all 1,027 comments

ynfan26 They're melting my heart😭❤️

sunafan20 I want them to last forever

sunafan21 M-museum date?!? I'm done. This can't be real. They're so in love

ynfan27 Rin, could we switch? Please, I BEG YOU

ynfan28 Parents 😩❤️

Liked by osamumiya and 927,619 others

yourinstagram *gasp* can you guys believe that now I'm part of these amazing casts?!? Thank you so much @.shinsukekita for cast me in this film *cry*

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kiyoko Yayyy, here we go! See you on set, angel<3

↳yourinstagram AAAA SEE YOUUU QUEEN<33

rintarousuna I'm stuck with you, ig

↳yourinstagram You can't get rid of me, baby

↳rinandyn.daily I WANT WHAT YOU TWO HAVE🥲

sunafan22 OMFG AAAAA YOU GONNA KILL THIS

ynfan29 Mr. Kita ain't playing with the casts😩

lndaydream IM SO PROUD OF YOU!! YOU DESERVE IT❤️❤️❤️

Liked by yourinstagram and 10,275,737 others

rintarousuna Let’s celebrate the day you gave up on finding anyone better than me for the third time!

All jokes aside, I love you and thank you for being a good mom to our baby

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yourinstagram She's a beauty, no wonder you keep her all this time

↳rintarousuna Yeah I do gatekeep

ynfan30 IM NOT SURPRISED THAT YOU'RE TOGETHER. BUT 3 YEARS?!?!

sunafan23 PLEASE... I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH😭❤️

ynfan31 God, when is my time🥲💔

sunafan24 MOM?? BABY??

↳rintarousuna I– not a human baby. You haven't seen the third pic, have you?

Liked by rintarousuna and 11,374,916 others

yourinstagram Everyday I am grateful to have you. But here’s a post to prove it.

(Alternative caption: 26.280 hours and still counting✨️)

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tooruoikawa *gasp* I thought we were married? I'll make @primevideo fire you. Alexa, play traitor by olivia rodrigo

↳yourinstagram #ynisoverparty

↳rintarousuna Get lost, shittykawa

↳tooruoikawa HEY

↳ynfan32 PLS YOU GUYS... IM CRYING😭

hitokayachi love love looooveeee

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ynfan33 YOU TWO ARE THE CUTEST OMG

rinxyn Pls get married, I'm begging

sunafan25 Ramen date and flowers??? I'M CRYING. HE'S SO ROMANTIC😭

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↳sunafan25 SHUT UP. Y/N LIKED MY COMMENT?!?

385,819 likes

voguemagazine @yourinstagram is our November cover star! For this month’s issue, Vogue sat down with the actor in the middle of her busy schedule. L/N shared details of her quiet life in suburban areas and across Surrey during the filming of “I Know Places 2”, her unique way of dealing with fame and protecting her mental health, rumours that she's dating her co-star, her tricky teen years, and her upcoming films.

Head to the link in bio to get a sneak peek at her cover story in our upcoming November issue, on sale on Monday, October 24.

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ynfan34 @yourinstagram Girl... get some sleep

↳sunafan26 Ikr, new series, film, photoshoot, interview, and now magazine? 😭

↳yourinstagram I need to secure the bag, baby😔

↳ynfan34 AHSHSBDB OMGGGG PLS TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!

itsyn.update We are so proud of you❤️

ynfan35 You're the coolest😩❤️

Y/N via Vogue's website

Academy Award winning couple Y/N L/N and Rintarou Suna have become one of our favorite celebrity couples; the two have been secretly dating for three years. The reason behind it is because, according to Y/N, she wasn't so sure about their relationship at the beginning.

She admits her initial concerns about dating the Japanese actor. “I was scared. I never dated anyone ever since I started my career. Which means, I’ve been single for almost a decade,” she confesses. “I had this thought like, ‘Are we going to get paparazzi’ed all the time? Should I be worried? What about our job and friendship? Am I not being professional?’”

L/N tells Vogue how grateful she is to have a boyfriend that understands how she felt and always supports her no matter what. However, as times goes by, she is letting the cat out of the bag since she doesn’t feel anxious anymore about “what people may say”.

Y/N also reveals that working with Rintarou makes her feel comfortable and one of the best things she has ever experienced. “I can not imagine anyone could replace him as my co-star. Besides, we’ve been friends for a year and have worked together as Coach brand ambassador.”

Then, the (H/C)-haired actress describes her relationship is as beautiful as daylight. Love to her is “golden”, it’s save, warm, and peaceful. “He doesn’t really enjoy going out too much. He loves to stay at home and feels secure. So when we have a free time, we just cuddling while watching a film,” she shares. “The rest? I’m just gonna keep that one a secret.”

Another a/n: Pls keep in mind that I’m not a journalist or whatever. So if the “article” is cringe or not good enough, I’m sorry lol.

Taglist: @alienvarmint @iwaizumi-chan @rivaiken @tenaciouswritersheep @whorefornoodles @ssc7514 @jeanskanojo @jtaimeurmom @pinksilk @yachisupremacy @33765 @bukopandansalad @jjikyuu (some accounts can not be tagged, sorry)

[bluewinnerangel]

I'm the drama anon (I think? I dunno if you meant me specifically) and I swear, I didn't mean it as a bad thing! It's just, you guys come up with such strange stuff and then it kinda becomes a chaotic trend in the fandom and everyone freak out over it and I'm sitting here like "I was here when this took form at three in the morning so randomly that you'd wake up the next morning and go 'nah, it must've been a fever dream' and now it's so big". Anddso randomly that you'd wake up the next morning and go 'nah, it must've been a fever dream' and now it's so big".

And then there's this stray feeling that Tumblr is being watched? I mean, I dunno, I'm not saying it actually happens or larry has burner accs, but some stuff happen that just... It's a tumblr thing, why is this getting something like a confirmation from them? Like the other day I saw the invert thing during lights up and ??? It doesn't prove anything, heck maybe it doesn't even mean anything, but it's just... Weird. Everything here is weird, even I'm weird and I'm making zero sense but I wanted to make sure that you like, didn't misunderstand me, I love your blog, and you're such a nice person, but like... The general crackhead energy around here (I love it). Like what's the deal with that series you keep making book covers for (it's literally a random anon and you genuinely take the time, no hate to that anon, they write good, but what I wanna say is that you're so kind for actually humouring that? Is that the right word? Or the arm thing? The hare thing? What?!?) It literally came out of nowhere, and it's a thing now. I dunno. For ppl who figure out the most cryptic stuff, on free days we're just... So random and odd, I guess. That's what I meant. In a nice way God this is long and awkward I'm so sorry I love you <3

I'm actually cracking up over this. I honestly feel you're mostly talking about that wholeass Cars thing we had going on a month (already wtf !?!?!) ago bc that was an absolute furious feverdream but also that didn't really take off unless you were just watching me like it took off for me bro it did like the end of Grease that TOOK OFF. But then it's in the context of drama? And being watched? Help. Where does this come from where does this go cotton eyed joe just all over the place asdasd

But I guess about this space I just post whatever I think is funny and I have fun making and sometimes that means just less theories or larrie discourse and more utter nonsensical relevant-to-this-and-this-post-only-deepfried-childrens-book-covers and way too extensive arm collections or detailed ask game answers, because it makes me happy and even happier when it makes someone else happy too. Whatever makes you laugh bro, with me or at me (hi antis hope you're having a great day).

Then as for the confirmation thing, it's not impossible they actually for real lurk here and respond to it with subtle shit, but I hope the fuck not because bros you're celebs I'm sure you have better ways to spend your time pls, I think 9/10 things that get "confirmed" aka things that some blogs JUST talked about and then it just... comes back (we make a shitty little laurel masterpost and suddenly laurel clothing are back, a pink floyd x harry post is birthed and next thing the AFH poster has PF links and bap harry shows up in PF shirt, we make hare stylist puns and then harry makes hare stylist puns, theres all things must pass x louis fan art and bap harry wears all things must pass merch, the list just goes on and honestly the things I just mentioned are mostly Leo, Meg, and me with our 2 gay british boybander voodoo dolls that we dress up in things we just referenced on our silly little bloggies so we can bring it back for clout and that's because people already picked up on it already being a pattern (the inverted colors for one), or already knowing it's within their personalities and behavior to do/reference/pun that way, and so your "prediction" or whatever gets reaffirmed when they continue to be... themselves. This is also why I think it can look like they're referencing fan fics, because those fics are already based on accurate observations of them and what they would and wouldn't surround themselves with. Then there's other bits where I am like well at the very least his ass knows what he's doing because the whole WHOLE fandom freaked over it and there's no way he didn't get notified if he didn't already lurk himself and that's Louis wearing the H shirt AGAIN or Harry bringing all the blue bandana's back to the yard. I mean they do know we know, but, different scales, I guess. Like there's a difference between niche tumblr things getting "confirmation" and fandom wide phenomenon's. That said Harry, grandma wants 2 croissants ok that's my sentence that's my brand if you ever reference 2 croissants I know your ass is reading into things on a chaos blog alright thank you very much.

[i-did]

hi hello i couldn't sleep last night so i was scrolling thru all ur asks and stuff and ur opinions and analyses are so interesting!!! and then afterwards i was thinking about what u were saying about mlm smut and i'd also been thinking about such things a little bit recently bc like.....at a certain point it becomes quite clear that the vast majority of smut-writing is just imitation. like there's the sex noise verb list and all and the whole general mechanics of the sex and those things just .... replicate over and over. and the whole thing w people writing mlm vs wlw smut regardless of their own sexual orientation..... like i feel like a big part of that is just a self-perpetuating thing. like if u have not had sex and u r getting all ur (pleasure-related) sex ed from fandom (even if u do watch porn, that doesn't rlly tell u how to describe stuff? idk) regardless of What fandom , the majority is going to be mlm smut. which is itself majority imitation of other mlm smut, imitating and imitating back to whoever knows what the first smut fanfic was etc. there's just way More to mimic than there is on the women side of things. which then becomes a self-perpetuating thing, bc the mimicry continues and generates more and more. and---if there are fundamental misunderstandings of anatomy involved---those self-perpetuate as well. and maybe even exaggerate. and yeah. does this all make sense? idk i was just thinking about it. like all the stereotypes and stuff continue bc writers are getting their inspo from other writers rather than their own brains. or something. idk!!!!! it's just all... divorced from reality? bc words. or something!! i hope u get what i'm trying to say. just thoughts i've been thinking. anyway i think ur thoughts are cool. and ur writing. ok bye have a good day!!

Okay yeah this is kinda messy but hope u see this, uhh yeah I think you're right about the echo chamber effect fr about stuff. I think it's a mix of projecting too sometimes. talk more under the cut and also link to a video essay since I love video essays.

Here’s a video that sort of touches on this topic: 

“Gay fanfiction” by Sarah Z. (has CC)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8E_C00dKwI

This video begins to talk about fetishization at the end, but also… not really. The words “gay fanfiction” is used as a catchall, when really gay fanfiction is largely mlm written by non-mlm.

Fandom is a largely women's space dominated by the female gaze in a media industry world that is dominated by men and the male gaze. I'm really glad women have this space to explore creativity and queerness, and I don't expect the female gaze to go away, but I am still ultimately bummed out I can’t read most fanfic or interact with most fandom spaces without having fetishization in my face. 

So about 80% of fandom is women, and most of those women aren't straight, but 90% of those women prefer mlm ships. Why don’t they prefer wlw ships? Well definitely part of it is the fact that queerbaiting is centered around white straight men, and then there is also the fact that women tend not to be written as well charcter wise. But the fact still remains that you get jerjean getting priority over Layla and Alvarez who are in canon just as much and are a canon wlw couple who actually interact as well as Alvarez could likely be a woc because of her Hispanic last name. Korasami doesn’t get nearly as much hype as zuko and saka, despite the fact that they are 2 fully dimensional characters who canonly kiss and hold hands, something the creators fought for and ended up having to sacrifice another reboot for. 

I do believe the fandom echo-chamber is largely responsible for… a lot of things, like you're saying. But what's interesting is that the complaints I've heard about visual porn from non mlm in the fandom space is that they can’t get off to it because its for the male gaze and misogynistic usually. But they also don't seem to notice how the mlm smut circles has the female gaze and is also… almost always mlm. If it was a pure anatomical not knowing thing, I get that, but I also think that leads to the question of “then why the male body for porn, and not your own? The one you know and are familiar with?” 

I know some people want to get outside of their own body for porn and don’t want to think of their own anatomy at all, but overall I'm still uncomfortable. If an anglo said “well I watch porn of only Mexicans so I don't self insert” I'm gonna be like … hhhh in a similar way. I understand people “like what they like” but I wish they also noticed said patterns in the first place. I understand the t4t tumblr porn circle, and how it's different from cis people who only watch trans porn. 

I actually wished that instead of fandom focusing on mlm ships where some asshole guy hits on bottom troupe charcter for top troupe character to save, was instead… a wlw character experiencing said shitty getting hit on and other wlw swooping in. what's interesting is fandom writes a lot about misogynistic experiences without often realizing it. Ive read fanfic where guys get called sluts for sleeping with people or called bitch for speaking their mind, these arent things men usually experience, but rather women. Fandom has a lot of internalized misogyny and also queerphobia imo. Women characters often get pushed to the sidelines and men become the canvas for female fans to project onto. 

There is this natural inclination to mlm. When people are talking about “gay shipping” or “gay books” or “gay feels” or even just “gay” mlm is what’s largely in mind. I honestly am kinda saddened by this because if gay fanfiction was really solely about writing more to feel represented, then you would see a lot of bi and ace and lesbian rep, but this isn't the case. Queer women are seriously underrepresented, and I want to hear their stories and read them in fanfiction as well as published. 50% of lgbt literature is mlm, and of that its largely written by women. Becky Albertalli, Rainbow Rowell, Maggie Stiefvater, are the YA big names and are all women writing mlm. Red white and royal blue is written by Casey McQuiston and Captive prince (which is not YA) is written by C. S. Pacat, who is non-binary, but is also TME and not mlm. These are all the big names in mlm lit, behind them is some gay men, but honestly their stories aren't preferred, they're not the right “flavor” for the consumers usually, who are largely women. In general YA consumers and authors are women, but I wish that they… just wrote about women too. I think there is a certain… snowball effect to the overrepresentation of mlm representing the whole LGBT community that leads to fetishization, as well as misogyny playing a factor in: less women characters being written well to write fanfic on, when they are written well they're taken less seriously or the audience struggles to relate to them, they're less marketable then men. 

Idk I never feel “seen” or “represented” by any of the books above, which don't address boyhood and manhood and queerness intersecting really, and AFTG doesn’t either. I relate to AFTG as a trauma victim who has experienced a lot of what many of the characters go through and have gone through in the EC as well as them just overall being very well written characters, but I don't relate to it as a mlm really. I've never seen like.. gay voice or being straight passing or femphobia or how boyhood can be affected from a young age by those around you sensing you're ‘other’ or if you didn't experience this you feel outside the mlm community. Let alone sub cultures like bear and leather and pup, at most you see the word “he's such a twink” in fandom which... i fr hate non mlm using that word because it's usually used to replace the f-slur essentially, used derogatorily or to call him “such a bottom” and stuff like that. It’s like a joke or an insult.

Long story short, idk mang this was a ramble and I think I'm coning down with something. I wanna see more queer women rep and women authors writing about being a queer woman too. I think it's a complex web of fetishization and a bit of forbidden love yaoi culture (or it used to be in the BOYXBOY days) as well as misogyny on an industry level, creator level, as well as reader/consumer and fandom level. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to explore other peoples stories and what we read has to be segregated, “only mlm are allowed to read and write mlm, only wlw are allowed to read and write wlw,” but I also think author’s intent and audience and background is telling, as well as overall statistics. Like about an hour ago I was looking for cookbooks in spanish or in english, and I was looking for some mexican food cook books, but I had to look for them using words in spanish because otherwise what came up was a bunch of “fiesta party, easy as uno dos tres authentic cooking!” and I was like… hm. Since I could tell they were marketing to anglos. (also the author’s last names were like michelle smith, james cooper, and this could be for a variety of reasons, but I trust Hispanic names more tbh and deadass would look at the authors pictures and if they had other books in Spanish or what their specialties were.)

anyways. not sure how to end this. uhm if anyone has any book recs (my to read list is like 500 books tho no joke) preferably not YA white mlm written by a white lady, hopefully queer women written by queer woman, LMK, I need more wlw and queer women stories on my list. I have a decent amount but always looking for more. I kinda wanna link my goodreads or my storygraph but I also don't want to get doxxed and it has my legal name on it so.

Also, I'm dyslexic and using spell check but if there's like some wild typos my b.

[bitchiha]

✎ Hinata With a s/o Who’s Personality is the Opposite of Hers

A/N: this was a request from  a very sweet anon and I worked on it for such along time, but Tumblr did not save the post so I had to retype it.. but its okay, I am fine and here is the second attempt: 

Request: Hi! I hope you're doing well. I was wondering if you could make some relationship hcs for hinata with a s/o who's the opposite of her? My baby deserves everything and I don't see much of her and am sad bc I love her 😢 Thank you you talented person who warms my heart💿💗💿

Warning I did not proofread this <3 I am too ducking lazy bye

Gosh okay Hinata needs a s/o that’s loud and slightly obnoxious lol, like she needs that type of person to push her out of her shell. She may be shy at your advances at first, but let’s be real she actually really loves them.

99.9% of the relationship is Hinata stuttering your name. “Y-y/n!!”

She likes when you make a big stink of any small gesture she does for you. It makes her feel super confident and even if she’s walking away blushing just know that she’s going to be thinking of that moment for a good month afterwards. Like she brings you food one day after you’re training with Naruto and you’re so happy that you mow it down in like 2 seconds. Then you smother her in hugs, kisses and praise and she just turns beet red. “Y-y/n!”

Your compliments help push her out of her shell even more and she cherishes every single one. Even if your compliments are kinda shitty, it’s the thought that counts. “Wow Hinata, youre eyes look like marbles, they’re so cute.” And Hinatas blushing so fucking hard and Shino and Kiba just scratch their head like?? “Uh why did you blush at that weak ass compliment?”

You’re basically her cheerleader. Make sure to give her pep talks. Like if she’s feeling down about herself for whatever reason, you always go up to her and give her the best inspirational talk you can, throwing in all the cheesy shit you know and she’s always grateful. You’re probably half screaming the pep talk because you’re just so riled up to make your girlfriend feel energized and the effort alone is comforting. “Don’t worry about what anyone else says, I believe in you Hinata! I know you can do this.”

Whenever you two are on missions together she always makes the effort to try and show her powers off to you. She sees how protective you are of her in the village and she wants to show you that she can take care of you too. That just gives her the extra drive she needs to kick the enemies ass <3 She loves when you stare at her wide eyed and shocked after she whoops their ass. Like leaving you speechless is such an accomplishment because you hardly ever shut up. “Holy shit, Hinata!!! You’re the coolest girlfriend ever, you totally kicked their asses!”

Brag about her!!! Please just flex about your girlfriend. She does the same for you but she gets super shy afterwards. Like when she talks to Shino, Kiba and Kurenai about you she always does the little finger thing with her hands and turns beet red. Kiba loves to tease her about it when you all hang out, “Yeah, Hinata always talks about you with us. She’s always rambling about how—“ then Hinata proceeds to clamp a hand over his mouth with her eyes bulging out of her head. “K-Kiba!!”

You’re a tease so you like to get her flustered. So sometimes you join in on Kibas teasing, afterall it’s just fun and games. It’s not like Kiba wants to hurt your feelings. However, if it’s anyone else in the village they will not get the same treatment. Oh someone wants to shove Hinata as they walk past her in the village? Want to say she’s not strong? You will openly challenge them to a battle. “Hey you jerk! You wanna disrespect my girlfriend again? I’ll kick your ass right now!” And she’ll hold you back, “Y/n! It’s okay! Really you don’t need to do this.”

Honestly as you two get closer in the relationship, she starts to develop some of your mannerisms and little by little she bursts into “y/n fits.” That’s what kiba calls them. It’s basically where she does something bold and totally un-Hinata like. Like someone’s talking crap about you in the village and she goes from little shy girl to “who do you think you are talking about y/n like that?!” Kiba tells you about the fits later and you just sit back with a grin, “that’s my girl.”

She also doesn’t mind PDA — to an extent. You’re an affectionate person so you can’t help the PDA sometimes, but you know when you’re overstepping. There’s 3 levels of Shy Hinata. First level is with light PDA, like gentle little touches that you don’t even notice you’re giving her. Light brushes over her arm as you walk, or your fingers thrumming against her thigh as you two sit down at a restaurant. There’s a little brush of pink across her cheeks and you normally don’t notice it unless someone *cough cough* ( Kiba ) points it out.

The second level is with intentional touches, like hand holding, wrapping an arm around her etc. Her face turns bright red and you have to ask if it’s okay, she nods eagerly, she actually likes it a lot. It just takes her a while to adjust to it.

The third level is emergency level. Like this is just borderline she is going to evaporate. It varies from touches you didn’t mean to be so intimate, to jokingly slapping her ass when you pick her up from training. She just immediately turns red and starts stuttering and you can almost see her head overheating.

It’s kind of funny lol and you have to apologize afterwards because she’s literally over heating for five minutes afterwards. As the relationship goes on she will end up getting you back at least once, even if she’s blushing the whole time. It’s worth it though because you’re blushing just as hard at her sudden boldness.

Also loves nicknames, even the tacky ones you give her. Call her a whole list of nicknames and she adores every single one of them. For real, like you can call her: princess, peaches, love, cutie pie, sweetie, etc and they will all make her smile.

Saves like every card you give her. They’re the most extravagant yet horrendous things that ever came into creation, but she loves them all and ignores Neji’s blatant dislike for them. Like sure, they’re decked out in glitter and they look like a five year old made them, but you tried your best and the thought that you spent your time on her in such a sentimental way always makes her gush. Keeps them all in a shoe box under her bed with all the other trinkets she collects from dates and hang outs with you. She definitely wears the gifts you give her too, even if they are a little too crazy for her, she likes how humbled you get when you see her wearing them.

Also she’s 100% a pillow princess and you will not and cannot change my mind <3

[mono-kookieficrecs]

Hey! I haven't sent you an ask in a while. I've had the worst day ever! If your highness would shine some mercy on me 😂😳💜💜💜, please recommend a fic that gets me out of the shitty day I've been through. Something that helps you relax. Anything. You are always a queen to me with your power to share the best fics on this website. 💜💜💜 Baby anon 💜

Hey baby anon I’m sorry you had a rough day crumby mental health is kinda going around these day so please take care of yourself ;-; thank you so much for your patience I hope these recs help you feel better ^-^ 

As always I don’t rec anything unless I’ve read it therefore these fics can all be found on my fic rec mlist so I’m sorry if you’ve already read some of these 😣

Relaxing/self-indulgent fics:

check out my ot7 x reader fic rec mlist

okay honestly I love reading ot7 x reader series so I would seriously check it out & see what you like I usually read to take my mind off things so most of these should be long-ish series but most of my self-indulgent reading is in this area

KOC by @luxekook​ (ot7 x reader, series)

The Seven by ^ (ot7 x reader, series)

these two series are ongoing but I’m really really liking them the smuttttttt 👌👌👌👌 but yeah they’re very very self-indulgent but I like what I like sue me

Tainting Purity by @sevenincubistolemyheart​ (ot7 x reader, series)

I love vampire bts & I love ot7 x reader need I say more 

Edit: forgive me I am a tired dumbass they’re incubi not vampires but my sentiments remain the same: I love incubi bts & I love ot7 x reader need I say more (honestly tho demon aus are up there for me 👌)

Veins of Moonlight by @lunaandhertrashheap​ (ot7 x reader, series)

I love werewolf bts & I love ot7 need I say more 

Too Sweet by @justoneday-namjoonii (low key ot7 x reader but mostly yg & jk x reader centric, series)

I’ve been reading this series for a long time it was probs one of the first fics I read on tumblr but it’s hecka good dude like I’ve been reading it for like a year & no regrets I’m always ready & waiting for more

Ethereal Orbit by @interludemoonchild (ot7 x reader, series)

although I love all of the fics on this list this one definitely fits your ask more bc this series is so good & although I love a good porn with very little plot this series has a well thought out plot with plenty of good smut to accompany it the story is so trnnjagibhntrh & it definitely takes my mind of off things bc all I can focus on is the story (& the smut hehe)

STS by @gimmesumsuga​ (ot7 x reader)

where do I beginnnnnn I read this series for almost 2yrs & it’s finally complete there are like 90 ch it’s a fucking beast but it’s soooo gooood plus um hello vampires & smut fuck yeah this fic is so popular & iconic so I’d honestly be surprised if you haven’t read this one yet it might’ve been the first series I read on Tumblr but that was so long ago but yeah read this bad boy

A Drop of Heaven by @curly-bangtan​ (ot7 x reader)

Moth to Flame by @bang-to-the-tan (ot7 x reader)

okay I think it’s been well established I love vampire bts fics but like they’re all so good & just kjsnjinaergibathijthsrt please just read vampire ot7 fics I just can’t & the writers on here do such a good job of making them diverse & not all the same bc no vampire ot7 fic is the same on here I’m telling ya

Dig Deep by @johobi (yg x reader, series)

listen LISTEN tentacle porn is one of the superior porns on here & no one can change my mind DD is one of the few tentacle smut series I can find on here (tentacle fic in general wtf man ya’ll cowards bc this shit is great & we need more so if anybody know where to find more pls hmu) but this series ignaibrgsiejhtst so goooooood

Pink Glow & Pink Glow pt. 2 by @jungkookiebus (jk x reader, one shot)

okay this is INCREDIBLY self-indulgent bc PG is actually a request I made to @jungkookiebus to write jk tentacle smut & it was a motherfucking delight & people loved it so they made a pt 2 which was also motherfucking delight so people learn the lesson: tentacle smut always wins

When the Planets Align by @mintedmango (yg x reader, jm x reader, jk x reader, series)

I loooooved this series this is another series that I read not only for the smut but also the plot you won’t be disappointed with this one it was gjnaerjngebaeribaeh like just oof you won’t be thinking about anything but this while reading

Any of @mintedmango​’s hybrid fics

they’re one of my fav writers on here & I LOVE their hybrid fics bc they’re so good & I know I can always find something sinfully amazing on here to feed my obsession with hybrid bts

Concentric by @gingerpeachtae (jk x reader, series)

this is another plot filled series that I can’t get enough of 🖤🖤🖤 it’s ongoing & I can’t wait to see how it ends (but I’ll be sad at the same time bc this story & world & THIS JK fucking infrbgrehth) it gives major lord of the ring vibes but it’s okay if you’re not familiar with LOTR bc it’s amazing & it’s bts 

Flower by @readyplayerhobi​ (hs x reader, series)

this is honestly my fav hobi series on here it’s so well-written & the hobi in this is  *sobs* I want one 😍 it might be a tad sad at times bc y/n has depression & poor mental health but it’s very real & accurate & hobi is there to support her so it’s very sweet & it’s definitely not sad all the time it’s incredibly fluffy (& smutty hehe)

Falling Skies by @fortunexkookie (jk x reader, series)

idk if you’re the type to want some sadness & angst with some fluff/comfort & a happy ending to help make you feel better but this fic really helped me grieve when I lost my dog exactly a year ago on the 22nd of this month I still think about this series often bc it’s so accurate in how grief feels & it hits so close to home but it really did help me get through sad times & jk comforting y/n comforted me too this is probs the saddest & angstiest thing I've read but it really did make me feel better 

Clair de Lune by @gukslut (th x reader, one shot)

I remember reading this one-shot & just feeling so warm & uwu & fluffy inside bc this hit right in the feels like I can’t explain it I read this a while ago but I still think about this one bc I remember it made me feel really ^-^ & happy when I was done reading it idk does that even make sense?? 

I hope this list helps & you find something you like ik it’s a lot (oops) but I read a ton for the exact purpose of finding an escape & to feel better when I’m feeling down so I really do hope this was helpful baby anon ^-^

as always if you have your own recs please leave a comment

[tangerinefluff]

before i can freely dive back in on tumblr after being gone for a long time, i just wanted to address some asks i got during my inactivity: 

where do I start lmao. so i���m not sure if I understood the asks the way the anons intended to communicate them. could be because of a little language barrier? and im actually having trouble deciphering hate or disrespect because i have almost never in my life been hated or received serious hate in any form (i was THE good girl, on the outside that is, my entire life no one messed with bc i dont really do anything hateful like it’s just not in my nature to respond in that way 😅 anw very besides the point) so you may talk to me again if that’s not what you (anon) intended.

to the first one who said this: 

hi! i get ur suggestion but maybe word it differently? bc that was kinda rude. first off, this one (garbage) writing is for you too. second, i appreciate the cute hearts at the end to go with the insult in the beginning 😅 (but also) third, you’re on MY blog. i mean,,, with the first words i agree? LMAO. i apologize i don’t have the best thoughts but no i won’t change things. this is literally my own space and im sharing a little of what’s on my mind and they don’t have to be useful and significant and a WOW moment kind of post to everyone lmao. fourth, you can locate the unfollow/mute button yourself. im not actually sure what writings you meant, if it’s the unrelated or personal posts/asks, or the blog-related shitty posts. and i’m not very tidy with my tags either so i’ll try harder on that! will tag unrelated texts as “garbage.text” and blog-related texts as “hq.text”. fifth, that’s what i keep my following tabs open for actually. i follow a lot of even betterrr blogs with content like mine and esppp amazing artists you should check out yk instead of sending people ask like that..haha. lastly, i hope you don’t go around sending blogs asks like this one and just filter out the stuff you want to consume yourself. let’s be careful with words bestie! (edit: also my blog now is 90% reblogged art so.... why the big issue).

candidate #2 who quoted a tag on my post and said: 

aah what i meant there is that i am actually having a hard time remembering.. in general. (cue the victim card script) yes dramatic but i feel like my memory’s deteriorating. can’t remember names of people i just met or friends from a long time. things i just did or the phone i just put down 30 secs ago. conversations and with whom. read somewhere that it could be due to mental health problems. and i cant keep track of all the interactions here so i mess things up sometimes which is why i’m less active. and its not bc my friends here are insignificant!!! lmao. dw i remember, i have my close friends’ UNs and names listed on my notes too :D

yk i wanna bite harder than this bc im a real B on the inside and i wanted to make light of this (somehow funny to me because ik i shouldn’t respond bc it feels like twitter behavior) &&& i wanted to show off my clean record that i haven’t ever been hated before lmao until this moment that is. im just super shocked cause i’m 22 and JUST realizing, oh so this is the dangerous stuff on the internet! like i thought i could’ve avoided them because im.... literally... nice that i’m almost boring here and unproblematic and trying my best and just talking about stuff i like. bestie is not special over here.

to those who have been following me from the first (cringe) days, would know i post reallyyyy randomly. it was more original posts rather than reblogs. and i minimized on that when my following increased. there’s 4.4k amazing people following this blog in just a little over a year. so i toned down the personal stuff right away. honestly got conscious and i didn’t like it because the blog started to feel less like it’s mine. i can’t openly switch to a different content/media or just scream nonsense. i can’t answer personal asks freely. can’t interact with mutuals. then i just decided that i won’t mind anymore. as long as my post isn’t offensive and/or rude, i will post as i wish. i don’t normally engage in hateful posts because it bums me out. like a minute into reading these asks they really upset me then writing my response and letting this sit in the drafts made me think i won’t bother anymore because i could just let the asks get lost into the void and it’s not like i did anything wrong, but i guess i had a little energy today. and yes, will be turning off anon asks from here on out.

i hope this one won’t get dragged out and i’m not expecting any interactions from this because i just wanna talk about stuff i’ve been getting into lately, back to regular programming.. AAAAHHHHH!!! not sure if this will reach the anons (expected they unfollowed because that’s the smart thing to do) but I still wish them a good day/night and a peaceful tumblr experience! (^^)

[jensungf]

heelloo! do you have any tips for new writers and how to get your works more known? thank you!!

hi there bub! haha i’m flattered you even asked me (bc i’m not qualified whatsoever) but i hope these tips help!

write what you want, and don’t focus on trying to write to gain notes! the whole point of wiring should be to enjoy yourself, and while every content creator’s goal is to get feedback through posting and sharing their works, the most important thing is to do it for yourself and have fun!

i just said this LMAO but rly don’t focus too much on notes! it can be hard but i think it’s healthiest to just want to post whatever makes you happy!

use the right tags. for me, i tend to use tags with the group name, member name, and genre pertaining to the actual story to avoid the risk of ppl blocking me for clogging up tags (yeah unfortunately i found out that happens :/) so like #jaemin scenarios #nct fanfiction #jeno fluff and so on. but also tumblr has been rly shitty as of lately and tags tend to disappear depending on certain elements of your post, so if you hit any obstacles, please feel free to send in another ask and i’ll gladly try to list out any tips to make sure your posts don’t disappear from tags

join networks! i think it’s a great way to get into the community and be able to share and spread your works.

along with that, talk to other writers! make connections with other amazing, talented writers who definitely help in not only learning from one another but it makes the whole process a lot more fun! you help each other bounce ideas and get inspo, and just have fun and get to know everyone. don’t be afraid to talk to people and slide into their dms! everyone is super friendly on here for the most part and are willing to get to know each other (me included! 🥺)

have a nice, simple blog layout/navigation. for me, personally i think having links such as a master list/about/rules or faq posts makes it easy for people to go through my blog to find my works or more info about me.

have an aesthetic header and layout if possible! it’s okay if you’re not into editing headers, but if you’re willing to, i definitely think it helps with drawing in readers. having the title name + a picture of the member works for me! and just setting up the story with a title, summary, warnings, word count, pairing, genre, etc really helps in informing the reader of what they’re going to read.

use the read more option, but leave cut it off at an interesting part in the beginning to pique the reader’s attention!

if you’re willing to — do request games! this will draw in a lot of ppl by taking requests and writing what they want, but only if you want to write it. i did this when i first started out but i realized i had trouble fulfilling requests in a timely manner and decided against it because i wanted to write for myself and post for others. but if you decide to, make sure to specify a genre/trope/member and specifications to make it clear! you can also use a prompt list as well.

post at a good time if you can! most time zones vary haha but for me personally i prefer posting during my night time around 10pm cst but this is sorta a small factor.

also other tips i have would be that if you’re writing reader-inserts, please try to be a reader inclusive as possible! it’s really important to keep this mind even if you’re writing for yourself because if you’re posting then a lot of people will not read if they have specific physical features that don’t pertain to them, y’know? it’s our job as writers to at least give that (but if you make it an oc, that’s okay as well!)

and personally as an avid reader myself i really prefer if stories had good grammar and were easily organized! if you’re interested in catering to readers in depth, here’s a fic preference resource post my friend jia aka @longassride made to help fanfic writers.

i really hoped this helped! i’m not sure if i covered everything so if anyone else has any more tips to add, please let me know and i’ll gladly add it. if you have any more questions, please don’t hesitate to send an ask or slide into my pms! i really want to support new writers out there and i believe in you bub!!! you got this!!!!

[threecrowsinacloak]

Rules: Answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you’d like to get to know better

Thank you so much for tagging me, @nightshadeowl!!!

Name: Charlie

Nicknames: none really, sometimes ChaCha

Zodiac: pisces

Favorite musicians or groups: Slaves, Hands Off Gretel, p!atd, fob, mcr, cavetown, beabadoobee, and so many more. If I listed them all, this would become way too long.

Favorite sports team: I don’t have one, I have 0 interest in sports

Other blogs: @science-kiwi (I’m one of two mods), @brighter-place (which is kinda dead), @becauseidontwannaspam (also dead because I’m not really active on tumblr anymore), @cllpsngstr (on which I sometimes post very shitty writing), and a vent blog which I’m not going to tag

Do you get asks?: like twice a year

How many blogs do you follow?: 135

Tumblr crushes: @telefixwritings (if you know you know)

Lucky numbers: 8 possibly? idk

Wearing right now: jeans, cat-patterned socks, a t-shirt with a cat poking out of the pocket, and a flannel

Dream vacation: hmmm... London with my friends (I hope that’s goiing to happen), also I really wanna go to Okinawa and/or do a roadtrip around Japan

Dream car: I always wanted to have a beetle as a kid, idk why. Now, I don’t know. Something that drives, preferably

Favorite food: I really like good ramen, my grandma’s apple pancakes, and something my mum makes, but I have no idea what it’s called in English

Drink of choice: Dr Pepper! Always Dr Pepper. Otherwise, tea

Instruments: I’m trying to learn how to play ukulele

Languages: German, English, whatever I retained from 5 shitty years of school Spanish, and like 5 words of Japanese

Celebrity crush: I don’t have one

Random fact: I dislike birthday cards and christmas card and stuff like that. They make me unreasonably anxious.

Favorite ecosystem: lakes are the ones I know most about (thanks, highschool biology), but... rainforests.

Favorite cat species: SANDCATS they’re so damn CUTE

Tag 21 people: I’m not tagging anyone. I don’t want to randomly annoy people I’ve never interacted with, and I know some people really dislike being tagged in things like this (but I do appreciate being tagged bc it means someone thought of me). Except maybe @telefixwritings if u wanna do this? (No need to, I can totally understand if u dont want to, or possibly leave out questions)

otherwise, anyone who sees this may feel tagged <3

[loplainlointhemorning]

Omg your tags... Can you talk more about your songwriting pls? I'm at that point now where I'm just trying to finish as many songs as I can, not caring so much abt the quality bc otherwise I will never finish one. I still only have a few, I'm trying to learn the process and what works for me. But it's so encouraging to hear someone else talk abt this like I keep comparing myself to famous ppl I listen to and it feels like they just have a gift and I don't

dude, I have been comparing myself to artists I look up to constantly, ever since I got into music at fourteen, wondering why I’m not good enough. I think it’s normal. The truth is, when you stop listening so much to beginner’s self doubt, perfectionism, and in my case, chronic anxiety, everybody is the same. The people who are really good are really good because they sat down and fucked around with instruments long enough to understand them, the people who are really good are really good because they love what they do, and all of them wrote shitty songs in their late teens/early 20s/whenever they started out. I have(and still do) beat myself up for everything from writing too fast to writing too slow, for taking months long breaks because of mental health issues, for lyrics that my band laughed at, for only knowing how to play one instrument, the list goes on...But I comfort myself with facts like these:

PJ Harvey was asked about her first ever song in an interview from 1995 and that’s the closest I’ve seen her come to blushing; She said it was about a girl going on an adventure and that it was awful. She reiterated in a magazine that most of her earliest work was ‘terrible’ and heavily influenced by Irish folk music, meaning, apparently, that it was full of tin whistles. It took her years before she was comfortable playing her orginal music in front of other people(and if you watch her early Dry performances, she’s not even all that comfortable in the first place.) The important thing is, PJ Harvey hated her early songs.

Nick Cave said that he was ashamed of the Birthday Party’s discography up until Junkyard and that he didn’t like to think about those albums. Nick Cave hated his early songs- And Nick Cave is partially famous DUE to these early songs, go figure.

Courtney Love bashes Hole’s first album Pretty On The Inside nearly constantly, calling it ‘unlistenable’ and saying it was more about her persona being established than making good music. Courtney Love hated her early songs- and, once again, her band was given its name and image because of them.

I BEG you to listen to five seconds of David Bowie’s first album, which he doesn’t discuss.

If these people, who mean the world to me and have saved hoards of others from personal destruction, had given up bc they were Bad at a young and inexperienced age we wouldn’t have their music and it’s not an exaggeration to say that that would have ended in suicide for a big number of people. If you can get your ego in place, you can believe the same about your music, and the thing that’s going to keep you motivated more than anything else is Ego.

We live in a world right now where popular music lacks human hands and clumsiness and rawness and so the fact that both of us are, against the odds, composing music that still reflects those things is a rebellion. It’s important that we keep writing, not just because we deserve to be good songwriters because we care about it, but because for music to evolve there needs to be a constant underground of young people with limited skills trying their best. Plus, if we’re both lucky, we’ll end up saving people the same way we were saved and if it takes a few notebooks of three note trauma songs to get there then fine(besides, who doesn’t love a good three-note trauma song?).

But beyond the ‘glory’ of it(and I think to do anything artistic you have to romanticize it to a certain degree), I started songwriting seriously at the end of a bad relationship when I was sixteen, nearly seventeen. When that relationship ended, I wrote constantly. I wrote about everything. My main influences were Bikini Kill and The Runaways and I hadn’t developed my seriousness towards lyrics yet so anything went. I’d write three songs in a week, realize that two were bad and play the third one for my band only to get laughed at for writing something like “I swallow Clorox” which was a confessional thing about suicidal thoughts that hurt my feelings, but wasn’t articulated well.

I wrote Nirvana knock-off songs and I wrote Hole knock-off songs and I half finished at least one hundred different things and I have three notebooks filled with them, the latter half being the worst fake-Nick Cave writing I have ever read. From all of 2018, during which I probably wrote 30-35 songs, I have two that I would actually put on an album and three that I can remember/still like. Once I got my mental health under control, I did the same thing for the bulk of 2019. This stage you’re at is NOTHING TO FEEL BAD ABOUT. It’s like making stuff out of Play-Doh or fingerpainting. It’s FUN and you’re learning, Extremely Quickly, a million different skills that you’re going to need over the course of your life. Lyric writing, the classic verse/chorus/verse, how to invert that, experimental tactics, particular playing styles that you like, playing styles that you HATE, etc.

And the best part about it is that some of your songs are good! Some of them have good parts that you’ll take out later to put into better songs! You’re probably sitting on two or three good songs at the moment, maybe even more, maybe you’ve got a whole album of brilliant material and you just don’t know it. In thirty years your demos could work like Vashti Bunyan’s and be the proto-whatever of a new genre. I really don’t want to make you think that all your material right now is bad, because that idea has actually been super detrimental to me and is a shitty narrative pushed to push beginners. I’m saying that it’s OKAY for you to be bad, that even experienced people write bad shit, but that if you think you’ve written some bangers they deserve to be recognized as such.

To close, new phase that I was talking about, the quality over quantity phase, is definitely something I had to work up to. 90% of it is taking in enough new music to understand what you really want from yourself, and the rest of it is gaining enough confidence to willingly let other people hear what you do. I only started taking my shit this seriously in late December of last year because I knew people would be hearing it, and that has its set backs too: My perfectionism is crazy right now and I have to kick back against it all the time. The perks of getting to the point where you can hone yourself are that you build real relationships with your songs, and that you have some idea of what you want. But I also think that it’s healthy to go through the quantity over quality phase over and over again throughout the course of your career, because there’s no way to really write in a new style unless you keep going back to frenzied experimentation. If we both end up pursuing this long term, we’ll probably have to work on Finishing over Perfecting a million times over, and its best to make peace with it now.

I am so sorry that this is like. A million paragraphs but another important aspect of songwriting is procrastinating by being on tumblr so!!! You’re doing just fine. Keep up the good work, and feel free to talk to me or share music with me anytime. I hope this helps, or at least isn’t a boring read.

[violetintheroses]

I’ve 0 idea who you are, tumblr recommended your post about drabbles to me, and I noticed rwby was not on your list and now I’m kinda hoping for an absolutely terrible Drabble about bumbleby bc I probably would enjoy that kind of bullshittery based on tumblr assumptions.

First and foremost… I’m now emotionally invested in a ship I know nothing about so. Great. Anywho, writing shitty fics of shows I know nothing about is apparently more difficult than I had initially anticipated! Nevertheless, I powered on for uh… this. Enjoy (or don't). Remember, this is based off of assumptions I make based on a few minutes of Tumblr research, reading the first chapter of the first fic I could find, and a quick Google search (also watched a RWBY Bumbleby Crack vid on YouTube, and to answer your question: No, I don’t have a life). But, forreal, I hope you like it, it's easily the worst thing I've written in years and I'm a little proud of that tbh. (Also I may actually watch this soon so, perhaps more accurate writing options in the future? We’ll see)

Additional notes before proceeding:

I was unsure as to the functionality of Blake’s cat ears, so I’m gonna assume they function like regular cat ears. (If they don’t, lmao, sorry my guy)

In my research I have identified that: they both have the energy of someone who is very intelligent but also a complete dumbass- an extremely compelling character description

This is bad, like really genuinely deliberately bad. Like if I were to actually write an original work even remotely like this I’d probably throw up. It makes me sick, haha

A bit of this was written for the pure absurdity of it (as you will see)

Me writing this: Hope this doesn’t awaken anything in me

I assure you this is nothing like any of my other writing

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

“BLAKE”

My eyes dart around the semi-crowded room, searching for the voice that called my name. I spin towards the entrance behind me and see Yang running towards me full speed.

“Huh?” Is all I can manage before the girl takes me out, knocking the wind out of me and throwing me to the ground, killing me instantly.

“Blake?” She says as she stands slowly. She kicks my corpse gently, like a child trying to get a dog’s attention. “Blake, stop being dead, we don’t have time for this and I have news”.

I stand, staring her down the entire time. She is right, we probably don’t have time to be dead, and also she has news.

“Okay” I say

“Yay, your alive. Okay cool, I have news”

“I believe you mentioned that you have news. What is it?” I ask, referring to the news she claims to have.

She tosses her hair over one shoulder, beaming at me.

“My news is that-“ she pauses, looking about the room, before grabbing me with her hand- not the flesh hand, but the hand that is not made of flesh, this detail is unimportant, of course- she pulls me to the edge of the room (with her hand) and continues in a whisper “my news is that I Am A Gay”

“You what?” I whisper yell “bu- but I wha- Gay?”

“Yeah”

“Oh”

“Yeah”

“But that- that’s gay?”

“Yeah” she looks into the distance, wistful “I know”

I scrunch my eyebrows at her and one of my ears twitches drawing her attention to my face. She is gay.

“Well,” I begin “now is as good a time as ever to mention that uh-“

“Huh?”

“Well I-“

“What?”

“I just”

“Hm”

“I’m also… A Big Gay”

She remains silent for a moment, quietly being silent. She silently looks at me and we quietly share a look, silently taking in our words. She responds, breaking the silent silence.

“Yeah”

I gasp. I do not know why. She continues, ignoring my gasp.

“We’re both gay”

I nod, because we are indeed, both gay

“So,” She continues again “we can also be gay… together”

I arch my eyebrow and take a step back, noticing the large number of people in the room not looking in our direction, going about their daily lives, as though we were not gay.

“Be gay… together? Is that some kind of threat, Yang?”

“Huh? No I’m asking you out?”

“But- But that’s gay?”

“Wha- yeah I was trying to be”

“But you- ohhhh. Yeah lmao yeah let’s Gay”

She smirks smirkily and grabs my arm again. She leads me out of the building. We have exited the building. I see her motorcycle. She climbs onto her motorcycle.

“Get onto my motorcycle”

“Okay”

I get onto her motorcycle. We drive off. I hold my arms around her waist, both for intimacy and for my safety, as one does in this kind of situation. We reach what appears to be our destination. An empty field with a small pond. She dismounts her motorcycle.

“Thank you for holding onto my waist, that was both safe and intimate.”

“Yes I thought so too”

“Cool”

“So why are we here?”

“Oh, I just wanted to be around fewer people”

“Ah”

She made a good choice, there are significantly fewer people here than there were in the building, considering there are no people here at all, except for us.

“Well,” I continue “if you want to be around fewer people I can also leave”

It is true, I could leave

“No I want you here”

“Oh, okay, why?”

“To be gay”

“Oh yeah, right”

I walk to the edge of the pond and she follows. We stand there for a moment and she grabs my hand. We look at each other for a moment. Another moment passes as we look at each other momentarily. After yet another moment she begins to move towards my face and I close my eyes, readying myself for a kiss. I do not get a kiss and when I open my eyes she is crouching on the ground grabbing a rock. She stands back up, now holding the rock.

“Wanna see how far I can yeet this rock?”

“Oh” I say, wishing she had kissed me, because I am gay “yeah sure, go ahead”

She releases my hand from hers and steps back. She pulls her arm back, presumably to throw the rock.

“YEET” She screeches as she yeets the rock. The rock goes extremely far, on account of her yeeting it. She is a talented yeeter.

“Impressive yeet, Yang”

“Thanks,I want to impress you” she says, grinning

“You did, I am impressed by your ability to yeet that rock”

“Cool”

Silence washes over us for a moment and she looks at me.

“Can I kiss you now?”

“Gayly?”

“Yeah”

“Okay yeah”

She smiles again and kisses me, softly. The kiss is soft. Her lips are soft. I hope mine are too, but that's not what my focus should be on right now. As the kiss deepens her hand moves to my hair, brushing the edge of my ear. It twitches violently at the touch.

“Hey,” I say, moving away from her slightly, “can you stop that please, I’m trying to enjoy this gay kiss”.

“Oh yeah, sorry”

We move back into another kiss and she does it again, deliberately this time I think. I choose to ignore it though, as I’d rather kiss her than deal with my twitching ear. We separate from the kiss but don’t move very far from one another, as she is holding me by my waist.

“Blake?” She asks, questioning.

“Yeah?”

“I like you a lot”

“Same to you”

“Cool”

“Cool”

We smile at one another, signaling that our wedding shall be in the spring. Gay.

[phan-of-the-pen]

I Dare You To Stay: Chapter 2

Whatup! I’m serving you guys this chapter via queue bc I’m snowed in here on the east coast and probably at this point have no power knowing my powerlines lmao ty @ tumblr for having queues

Tags for Chapter: fluff, themes of depression

Words for Chapter: ~2.6k

Fic Summary: Dan Howell is a barista working a shitty job, frequenting his shitty apartment, and living a shitty existence, hiding his asexuality and going for a PHD in self-depreciation and depression. Phil Lester is a part-time intern, part-time employee at a local weather station, trying to get experience in his field and make a name for himself, while juggling a second job at the nearby Tesco’s to give him some financial breathing room. Their paths were never supposed to meet, but what happens when they do anyways, one rainy day in Manchester?

(ao3 link)

<-- Previous chapter Next chapter -->

~~~~~~~~~~

Three days later, Dan was walking down the street, uniform on and not too far from the front door of his flat.

He already wanted to go back inside.

The first day had been the worst. Dan hadn't eaten, hadn't showered, hadn't even gotten out of bed. He hadn't had anywhere to be besides work, and with him texting Jaime the night before that he wasn't going to be coming in, he was off the hook as well from that societal obligation.

Not that he would have been able to even get there if he hadn't.

Dan had awoken deep into that well of darkness that he knew so well that morning. And he had known, could feel it that night before, that upon the lifting of his eyelids nothing was going to get done. And he was right.

The whole day was a blur really, an unidentified mass of time that consisted of nothing but Dan's rapid thoughts and crushing numbness.

The second day was better, if only slightly. He had dug himself out from under the weight of depression enough for him to choke down a piece of toast. He had even had a few sips of water, ending up taking the nearly-still-full glass back with him to his bedroom. The glass found itself on his nightstand, and Dan back under the comfort of his duvet. He slept some, exhausted beyond belief. By the end of the day Dan had sipped from the glass a few more times, and he even got himself up a few hours after the sun had gone down to struggle through a few crisps.

This morning, Dan was better than he had been, though he still wasn't perfect. It had still taken him close to half an hour to manage to stand and exit his cocoon of warmth. He had still been overly weak and undermotivated. He had still just stood there in the shower for an undefined amount of time, staring off into space, the water streaming down his naked body. The shower brought some feeling back into his fingers, which had (predictably) become frigid like the rest of his body with the most recent depressive episode that Dan was working through. He had also ended up crying. Sobbing, in fact, big hiccuping breaths and choking on his own tears, curled up in a ball on the floor of the tub, knees hugged to his chest and his arms desperate for purchase on his own body so he could hold himself together, releasing all of the emotions that he had lacked in the past few days, all of the anguish and sorrow and numb. The crying was the most productive thing he had actually done all day, and suspected that he probably will do all day.

But Dan was resigned to that. If he had cried, then he knew that he was almost out of under his depression's shadow. He was almost out of the lion's den.

Dan brought himself out of his head when he turned down a corner, one that was particularly more striking than normal. Dan's head throbbed as if his concussion remembered the incident with a pretty stranger well, too. His grimace of dull pain was partially hidden by his face turned to the ground. He should probably look up, seeing that walking like this was what got him a splitting headache in the first place. Well. He should. Just like he should have done a lot of things. Oops.

Dan's head hasn't gotten much better. Maybe a tad less throb-y. Maybe. He hoped that Jaime would go easy on him; it already felt like his brain was seconds away from melting out of his ears.

It probably didn't help that he had been out of commission and unable to take care of himself at all.

Add that to Dan's list of "oops".

Just like the last time that he had taken this path, Dan let his thoughts wander and trusted his muscle memory to take him to the little coffee shop he worked at. He didn't even fully comprehend that he was opening the glass door and stepping inside, only vaguely registering the rush of warmth and the scent of coffee, that was how deep he was in his head.

"Daniel James Howell I swear to god, I'm going to kill you" a stern voice boomed. Dan had just enough time to look up to see Jaime vault the countertop before she was crashing into him, wrapping his entire body in a giant hug. Dan didn't know how she did it; she was so much smaller than his own giant frame.

She already smelled like a latte even if Dan knew that she would have only been here for less than half an hour at this point. The store hadn't even opened yet.

Dan wrapped his arms around her too, not even trying to be discreet at how he melted into her embrace, soaking up all of the contact.

It had been a lonely few days.

"Dan, look, I know that you struggle with stuff, I know, but Dan I'm your best friend and if you ever disappear off the face of the Earth again I will personally strangle you. Never do that again, please." she said, and with her on her tiptoes, the words were spoken right next to Dan's ear. He swallowed abruptly, a sudden lump forming. He knew that Jaime cared for him, but hearing just how much always fucked with him. Especially after such an emotionally draining past few days. He felt that if he tried to talk his words would come out distorted and shaky.

So Dan didn't say anything, just pulled Jaime closer, burying his head into her hair.

She didn't say anything about how she could have easily found him in his flat. She already knew that he didn't want her to help him.

She didn't say anything about how Dan had been ignoring her texts and calls. She already knew why.

She didn't say anything, for that matter, just hugging all of Dan's frayed pieces back together. She already knew that that was what he really needed.

They pulled away, slowly, but with smiles on their faces. Jaime looked behind her, frowning, muttering something to herself about "telling him to leave" and then she was shouting to the back of the store:

"Steve! You're off today! Go home!"

Dan's heart seized a little, admittingly at the mention of Steve. He was working today? No, hell no, there was no way that Dan would be able to handle Steve's blatant hate for him on top of recovering from a depressive episode.

But wait...Jaime was telling him to go home?

Dan turned to Jaime, no doubt confusion blatant on his face, but she was facing the counter at this point and didn't see him.

Steve emerged from the back, a brush of coffee grounds on his shirt. He first looked at Jaime, an infamous "are you kidding me?" on his lips, when he caught sight of Dan, and scowled.

"Are you kidding me?" There it was. "Why are you sending me home? You just called me this morning and asked me to fill in for him. Now he finally decides to show up and you tell me to leave?" He snapped, incredulous, eyebrows raised. Jaime glared at him fiercely.

"Yeah, I am. Dan was supposed to work today, not you. He's here now, so he can take over the shift he was supposed to work. You can have your day off like you were supposed to."

They continued to glare at one another, a stare off unfolding right before Dan's eyes. However, Steve was no match for Jaime (in any way, really) and he backed down, nodding and walking off to collect his jacket from the employee's lounge. He was back out in no time, visibly pissed off. He stalked out of the store, pushing past Dan as he did.

Dan, struggling as he was to handle the day already, just let it happen. He didn't want to deal with a confrontation. Scratch that, he couldn't deal with a confrontation. Not in this condition.

When the door closed and Steve was gone, Jaime cursed him out, telling him to go fuck himself in her mother tongue.

"Stronzo!" she finished with, continuing to glare at where Steve had exited the store. "I hate him so fucking much. If he wasn't the owner's nephew I would have fired him from from day one! He's insufferable!" She threw her hands up in the air, exasperated and annoyed. Dan didn't say anything. He didn't really have the energy to be angry today. Besides, Jaime was the one out of the two of them with the most negative interaction with Steve. She complained religiously about him to Dan (who was more than happy to listen and partake).

Huffing, Jaime walked over to the counter and started one of the many coffee machines to get a brew going in time for when they would open. She looked back at Dan, who saw the anger fade in her eyes and her whole posture soften.

"Dan, you look like hell warmed over. Come here; it was bad this time wasn't it?"

Dan nodded, making his way to her like she asked. She hummed her understanding. She didn't give him pity or sympathy, which he was grateful for. He didn't want to be pitied.

She stood on her tiptoes and ran a hand through his hair.

"You washed it, feels like, but you didn't straighten it; didn't have the energy?" Her tone wasn't accusatory, just soft and gentle, trying to figure out just how little Dan had looked after himself over the past few days. Dan once again shook his head no.

"Alright, go sit at a table, I'll be right over with two coffee's and a comb I'm almost certain I have in my bag."

Dan felt a bit like a little kid, and normally it would bother him a little, but he was still drained from the past few days and having someone take care of him felt good enough to override any ill feelings that small part of him may be having.

Soon enough, she slid into the corner booth Dan found himself in, two coffees as promised, a comb in her pocket, and a large pastry precariously balanced on top of the lid on one of the coffees.

"Here, one caramel macchiato, just how you like it, and your favorite pastry in our case—I'd bet every cent I have that you haven't eaten anything at least today, and you are not passing out on me if I have any hand in the matter. Scooch over."

So Dan sat in the booth, nursing his coffee and eating his pastry, reveling in the care Jaime was giving him, and letting the warm feelings blossom through his chest from his core out. He wasn't quite happy—it was too soon after a depressive episode for him to be happy—but he was close. And if he let a tear or two slip no one had to know.

Jaime made quick work of Dan's distressed hair, gently pulling the wild curls apart with her fingers and working out the smaller knots with the comb. Her fingers felt good running through Dan's hair, and she knew it, knew from the countless times that this scenario had been acted out by the two of them. Dan emotionally wrung out after sometimes days of hell and Jaime applying the bandages he received after his most recent battle.

When she was done, she handed him her phone so he could look at his reflection on the dark screen. His curls were full-out after a few days of not being dragged through a straightener, but they did in fact look a bit better than he remembered his curls last looking, and that was because of Jaime's skilled hands. The entire mop was pushed in his usual fringe's style, several waves of curls blending decently enough.

"I think that's the best I can do with just this comb and my fingers, but I think that it looks good. You look good with curls, Howell. They suit you."

Dan made a face.

"I'll stick to my emo fringe, thanks."

Jaime shrugged, but a grin was tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"I'm telling you; you're already handsome as hell, if you just adopt your natural curls, you'd be unstoppable. A force of attractiveness that no one would be able to resist. You'd have like, seven boyfriends."

Dan snorted before he could help himself, and for the first time in a while his thoughts stopped for a few moments. He didn't even notice their absence.

Jaime pulled him out of the booth and gulped down her coffee (no doubt with way too many shots of espresso, knowing Jaime) tossing the empty cup into the bin as they passed it. Dan helped her finish up the last of the prep-work they needed to accomplish before the opening of the store, dancing to the music she played on her phone.

The day was a slow one. Dan would stare off into space more than normal, every once in a while his thoughts haunting him. There were times in the day where he would feel as if a part of him was shattered, or all emotion would just be sucked out of him, but overall, things weren't too bad. The store wasn't too busy. It rained outside for a few hours, making all of the windows unreasonably steamy. On his lunch break, Dan ended up telling Jaime the story of how he quite literally ran into a stranger, hitting his head horribly on the pavement and possibly giving himself a concussion. Jaime asked him if he had gotten checked out, and when he said no, she berated him, calling him an idiot, and telling him that she was going to drag him to the nearest doctor to get him checked out the moment they were done their shifts.

Dan didn't even try to tell her that she didn't need to worry, that it was probably nothing, but he did smile at her concern.

"Daniel Howell, the bumbling buffoon that runs into strangers and doesn't get himself assessed afterwards—what am I going to do with you!"

And true to her word, when they had clocked out later that evening, she grabbed him by the arm and did in fact, have him get an evaluation. And—surprise surprise—he had a concussion. The doctor had shaken his head at Dan's anecdote on how he had injured himself and gave him a list of things to do and not to do to properly care for himself. Dan internally balked when he was told to try and avoid screens; he lived his whole life on the internet how would he be able to distance himself from it?

He was also told things that he should keep an eye out for to try and assess if his concussion was getting worse, because apparently these things could end up serious. Dan told Jaime what the doctor said after the appointment was over, but she had only linked their arms as they walked and nodded.

"Yes, Dan, concussions can end up bad. That's like, Basic Medicinal Knowledge 101. Now you know why I insisted on you getting checked out?"

"Well now, yeah. Maybe if you just, I don't know, explained yourself?" he jabbed, smirking.

She huffed.

"You're insufferable."

"You love me."

"A fanabla."

[mercurialsmile]

What are your top 5 notps

tHANK YOU for asking me I woke up this morning still kinda salty so like. 

These are gonna be in no particular order btw so ye! Also Ma/bill and Mab/ifica aren’t gonna be included as I already talked about why I don’t like those ships and why are they are part of my ever-growing notp list. 

1. D/rarry (Harry Potter)

Honestly? Just don’t like it. Like... that’s it. I like Dramione well enough, it was actually one of the first ships I started reading fanfiction for (as I just so happened to find a fic that sounded interesting that had it, read it, and was hooked) and I am a multi-shipper with certain characters, so by all means I should like d/rarry but I just don’t?

My theory for why I dislike this ship is easy: I find protag/antag ships kinda boring now after doing like. Everything with bill/dip. Don’t get me wrong, bill/dip and d/rarry are. Very different in numerous ways, but d/rarry reminds me of bill/dip and I already played and read about the dynamics of a protag/antag ship like this, so trying to get into d/rarry, which is similar, was boring for me. 

Also, in general, I don’t ship Harry with anyone? Like I dislike h/inny too, but that’s more of “I don’t like it, but it’s canon, and I have to deal with it so might as well just Not Care” instead of outright hating it. And though I say I would’ve preferred Harry to end up with Hermione, I don’t ship those two together either!

The only ship with Harry I kinda sorta like is Harry/Luna and even then, I see them as being something really low-key. No sexual relationship, just them being good friends and being borderline, what they would consider “romantic” once in a blue moon. And that’s it? 

Anyways, I find d/rarry boring and I feel like there isn’t anything new to the ship for me and shipping Harry w anyone sexually or in a heavily romantic way makes me kinda uncomfortable and I Don’t Like It so yeah. 

2. Amenadiel/Linda (Lucifer) 

God. Idk how many people who follow me watch Lucifer but this ship is. No. No? Nooooo?

They’re just. So awkward together. They’re kinda awkward together as friends but their awkward friendship is more kinda cute than anything. But together like... romantically? No? Pls no?

I also ship Linda with Maze like. A lot. A lot a lot. I ship Linda w Maze more than I do Chloe w Lucifer at least like. I am actively talking to the TV when I see Linda and Maze together to PLEASE KISS PLEASE YA’LL ARE SO GAY FOR EACH OTHER ITS OBV PLS KISS 

Hasn’t happened yet but. But. It could happen. I am really hoping this ain’t q*eer/baiting tho. I r r r hope so. I mean. Maze and Lucifer are both confirmed to be bi/pan basically (tho Lucifer seems to have a pref for women) so there are technically lgbt+ characters in the show already but like. But. B u t. 

Anyways. Luckily for me, it looks like Amenadiel/Linda won’t be canon at ALL and I really hope it stays that way and they stay kinda awkward friends. That’s cuter and a lot more interesting than shipping them together in my book. 

3. Hermione/Snape (Harry Potter)

Is anyone surprised this is a ship, really? I mean if you’ve been on tumblr for any length of time you’re prob sayin’ nah. Thing is, I found about this ship years before I had a tumblr and on ffnet so I was kinda. Shocked? As I didn’t realize how. Weird ships could get. 

And I can’t really say much about adult/minor ships or teacher/student whatever. I really can’t. But this is just so. Fucking random? Like. I guess bill/dip is random too.... but also i feel Hermione/Snape is even more so. 

And idk most the fics I’ve seen of this ship is just standard student/teacher shit nothing all that. Interesting I guess to me? which is if you like standard student/teacher whatever I guess but that doesn’t cut it for me.

But again. Why? Is it because Hermione is muggle-born and Snape an ex-magical na//zi? That’s.... even I wouldn’t touch that can of worms Jesus Christ. Like. I don’t get it. I don’t get it, I don’t wanna get it, and I’m gonna continue disliking it from my own corner and mind my own business ‘cause I don’t even wanna know.  

4. Kat/aang (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Z/utara should’ve been canon

No really I grew up watching A/tla and like. It was my fav show and I. Really liked Katara and Zuko together esp as I only shipped canon ships at that time for the most part (or if I didn’t like it I’d just ignore it but not actively ship those characters with anyone else) as I was young and didn’t think you could. Ship two people who aren’t together in canon I guess. 

But then. Kat/aang happened and I went “Wtf” and “that’s not right Zuko and Katara should’ve been together wtf wtf” I felt really cheated. And so Z/utara was the first technical non-canon ship I ever had.

Another reason I dislike kat/aang is that, for me, it felt forced, and the kat/anng episodes (like cave of two lovers or whatever its called) are just. Boring. And dumb. And not that good. I felt like they ended up together bc protagonist and deuteragonist not because I felt they went well together.

Idk! I felt like Aang and Katara had a more sibling relationship together! Like she was more of an older sister to Aang than anything else! And his crush on her was more like the young boy who has a crush on his older babysitter sorta thing but obv that would never go anywhere and it’d fade. 

That’s the general vibe I got so when they got together I was. Kinda uncomfortable. Because I felt they had a sibling relationship. And I felt it kinda came out of left field, was forced, and just. Stereotypical? Boring?

I mean I still enjoy the show and it’s, again, kinda like a “well it’s canon so whatever” but I still dislike it a lot and still feel like z/utara should’ve been canon. 

5. Ma/korra

I liked Korra well enough, but lets be real, the first season had some MAJOR issues trying to include a stupid love triangle like they were adapting some shitty YA novel. And even tho the second season was kinda blah as well, the third and fourth season made up for the previous two in my book.

But... ma/korra was just. A fucking mess. I hate this ship as I hate the things is stands for. 

The girl hate between Korra and Asami, Korra being a fucking asshole to Bolin (WHO IS A SWEETIE PIE HOW COULD YOU) and just. Me sitting there. Going “Are we really doing this. Are we really. How could you write a series as amazing as a:tla and think that a short sequel series needed something as complex as a LOVE TRIANGLE. 

(and yes: proper long triangles are very hard to pull off, very complex, could be a plot in itself, and that’s why most everything fails when incorporating one as a subplot lol) 

When the love triangle popped up, I just. No. No. Mako isn’t a bad guy ‘cause he liked Asami instead of Korra. Asami isn’t a bad guy ‘cause she liked Mako back. And the narrative kinda painted both of them as being “bad” because... idk Korra didn’t get the guy? Like Christ. Please stop. Please stop characterizing Korra as a fucking asshole and some sort of girl version of a Nice Guy TM. 

And though I think Korra and Mako did get some nice moments between each other once together, and though overall their relationship, on paper minus all the other shit wasn’t like. Pure garbage or anything, I def ship Korra with Asami a hell of a lot more. And the entire love triangle bullshit just. Ruined Mako and Korra, at least in my opinion. (Bolin and Asami came from that unscathed for me). It took me quite a while to start liking Mako again ‘cause of the love triangle and same with Korra.

So I guess for ma/korra it’s less the ship itself (tho imo the ship itself isn’t that special and kinda whatever) I hate the ship for what it did to the show and what it reminds me of. If that makes any sense. 

THIS IS SUCH A LONG POST I’m sorry but. Yeah I was salty last night and had a LOT to say. 

And I have more notps for sure but I have to... remember them. I tend to kinda forget my notps as well. I don’t like them. Why remember them?

Anyways, thanks for the ask!! 

[lightspren]

Year End 2017 Wrap Up

I’m gonna be straight up honest with y’all, I almost didn’t do one of these for this year because this year has sucked horrifically and I just didn’t see a fucking point. But I’ve done one every year for like, at least four years now, and it’s tradition, and I for some reason feel it’s important, so by damn I’m gonna look back on my text posts from the year and my memories of what I was doing and see what happened this past year.

Jan 2017 - Was beginning my last ever semester of undergrad this month. At this point I still thought I’d be going to grad school hahahah so much can fucking change in a few months. Started my AC sideblog so that’s cool. and even this far back (: we still see me struggling with debilitating pain (: which has been a trend ever since I’ve been doing these year summaries I think, is seeing how bad my pain was throughout the year. jfc. looks like I was struggling with some depression symptoms here too, go fucking figure. I had an interview for grad school too and we know how badly that went…

Feb - Here’s where I decided I thought i might be on the autism spectrum. I now think I was wrong on that self dx, but you know, journeys of self discovery are important and all that. but here’s lots more pain and tired and “brain not working” which was lots of depression symptoms I believe, sigh I let that get bad for a while there. Oh and then I learned I didn’t get into that grad school I got the interview for.  so yeah that was Feb in a nutshell l o l

Mar - Breath of the Wild came out this month and dominated my life for a month or two, I still love this game very much and it’ll always hold a special place in my heart, ti’s just so good and sweet and lovely. I still haven’t even really beat it LOL and I need to but. still. that’s never been the most important part of Zelda games to me. OOO THO I had beginnings of existential crises this month!! cause I was getting so bogged down in my thesis research and didn’t know if research was what I wanted to do forever and ever anymore!! isn’t that fun!! (it was not fun). but the rest of this month seems like. a whole lot of bitching about pain. paaaain pain pain. like holy jesus bitching about pain. maybe if I printed off all these posts and gave them to my doctors they’d believe I have a problem LOL.

Apr - So I had shitty dr appointments that further hurt my chronic illness identity, and then other Ongoing Identity Crisis because of not getting into grad school and wanting a job in which I could help people. this is the month I in earnest started applying for jobs; research tech jobs mostly, but some adjacent jobs too (don’t remember what exactly). I didn’t branch out very far at this point though cause I was still McFuckin Terrified. and then I realized that I didn’t want to leave hundreds of miles away for work, cause as much as a lot of the culture of southern Appalachia can suck sometimes, it’s still home, /my/ home, and I don’t want to abandon it. I know I freaked out a lot about getting my thesis done and presented this month too bc I was soooOooOOoO unmotivated to do that shit LOL like. whew. did not want to, did not care any longer, but still had to do it.

May - GOT MY FIRST EVER TICKET LOL THAT FUCKING SUCKED SO BAD. sigh. otherwise I was mostly vague as SHIT with stuff this month. I know I graduated, didn’t walk though cause I could not give less of a fuck at that point. I applied for every job I could find that I remotely qualified for that was close enough I was willing to move to. I even had a Skype interview for one, either this month or in April. it fell through, of course.

Jun - One of my very first June posts is “who the fuck am I/how do I become who I want to be” LOL so that identity crisis was still rip roaring obvs. then that time when I tried to explain disability stigma to one of my previous (cishet white male) bosses. Had another phone interview this month for another job I didn’t get lmfao. Pretty sure this is the month where I started applying for mental health case management jobs, like a bunch of them, at different locations all in the company I’m currently in.

July - So I think it must have been around the beginning of this month that I had my first in person interview? I bombed that one hardcore. didn’t stop another location from interviewing me though, and I got a second interview with them, which I then proceeded to fail because I had no prior experience. It was brutal LOL. and the new person started at my old job, and I had to start training her, and that whole situation was just awkward and weird and Undesirable. to the maaax. it was this whole ordeal too where they’d scheduled my last day to be the 28th of July, so that’s what I was planning on and like, focused on… but then it turned out my coworker got national guard orders and had to be gone two months, so instead of having newbie there by herself, they were like (to me) “hey… just wanna… chill for two months longer or until you find a job…” which was admittedly hella cool of them.

Aug - Lots of blogging about pain, lots of general vagueblogging. I did announce publicly on tumblr that I’m intending to convert to Judaism so that’s still cool, and still a thing, even if life has been repeatedly crotch-punching me so I haven’t been able to make much actual progress on it. but then, I had the interview for my current job. that i somehow passed with flying colors. And my asthma started getting worse, and I started getting soooooo so done with my old IT job, but I /got my new job/. ALSO THIS MONTH WE GOT RADS MY SWEET NEW BABY so now our family is made of me, my husband, and two kitties.

Sept - September. Oh, September. started out so innocently, with starting orientation for my new job. I was all starry eyed and hopeful for the new job because I thought that it was a perfect home for me. then I got there. started doing things. realized that I was terrified of trying to meet my new coworkers and learn their dynamics. realized I was terrified of trying to meet my new supervisors/superiors and learn their expectations. realized that in general I just didn’t know the culture of the place at all and that fucking /terrified/ me. and then the job itself, the job itself was something I’d never done before, had no experience in /whatsoever/, had no FUCKING clue what I was doing. I was a fish out of water with no bloody idea where I was going, and hoooboy. I almost quit by the end of September, I truly did.

Oct - tw: miscarriage at end of month I started therapy for my anxiety!!! yay!!!! I had a lot of adapting to work in this time too that I didn’t really talk much about on tumblr too I think. I mean I was learning a lot, I was meeting more of my clients, some even time. I was still terrified, especially of my other coworkers because I didn’t know them or understand them, but even at that, I was learning. [Stop reading if you need to avoid tw miscarriage and skip to Nov.] The other horrifically sucky thing to happen in Oct happened not to me, but to my sister. She’d found out a few months perviously that she was pregnant, at 37 years old. they’d just recently gotten all the genetic testings back and found out they were going to have a girl. unfortunately though, the baby stopped developing at 15w. my sister discovered this at what would’ve been 17w. she had to have surgery to remove the baby. she’s still recovering from this trauma, she’s heartbroken and just. very upset. I’m still upset for her too.

Nov - Last month I was doing ok I think. I was doing pretty well at work, kinda just coasting along but mostly getting the hang of things. Therapy had been helping I think; it’d been teaching me somethings, mostly only small differences but I think having someone to talk to had been helping frankly. Work was going well, and we’d decided to start looking for a house to /buy/ (realtor.com) but hadn’t hired a realtor yet. probably for the best. as it turns out now…

Dec - Fuck you, December. the good news is, my new job’s health insurance kicked in Dec. 1st. which is great, considering I got admitted to the hospital  Dec. 7th, a Thursday. the Monday prior I’d tried to pop a zit, no big deal. WRONG. it got infected. not just any old infection, though, oh no. FUCKING MRSA. so I got cellulitis in my face, my whole right side of my face swelled up three times the normal, I got MRSA/pneumonia in my lungs, I had MRSA in my bloodstream. when I came in the ER I had very low blood pressure and heartrate of 130, so I was septic. like. shit was going down. I stayed in the hospital 6 days, and they released me with a PICC line and having to do vancomycin (really strong IV antibiotic) twice a day via the line. I went back to work too early for two days, but saw my PCP on the third day and he put me off that again. /Then the chest pain started/. I assumed it was a side effect of the vancomycin, since back and chest spasms/pain are a listed side effect, but NO, apparently NOT, at least not to this DEGREE. The home health pharmacy, who I called to ask about it, called the on-call at my PCP, who advised to go to the ER to get checked for a “pulmonary embolism.” Doesn’t sound scary at aaaaaaaaaall. Get in ER, go through the whole terrifying ordeal, CT scan, x-ray, shit and shebang - what do you fucking know. I have a septic embolism. very rare. much wow. fuck me. so here I am, once again, in a fucking hospital room, tied up to IV antibiotics, at the end of Christmas day. At least they’re keeping the pain meds going now. Oh at one point my kidney function tried to drop, then it turned out I had a pleural effusion so they drained 550cc (half a liter) of fluid off my lungs (painful as fuck let me tell you). Ended up spedning 5 days total in the hospital, home now, but still in like. the same amount of pain as when I went in. Having to fight with so many things to get medicines sorted and shit. while feeling like shit too. everything is awesome.

So that’s it. 2017. That doesn’t even get into the way 2017 has sucked on a global, non-personal scale, that’s just how it’s sucked on a mostly-immediately-personal scale, and I’ve even left out some of the immediately personal ones I think. and that’s just the shit I remember LOL jesus christ. I really need to do an effigy burning of this year.

[naysaltysalmon]

Nay’s tags Masterlist

Hey, my dudes! I went through my entire blog A G A I N, so I thought I would reblog this once more for anyone who’s interested before the Tumblrocalypse of December 17th, 2018. Only now do I realize how pointless all this was, considering Tumblr’s a dying platform, but... gotta have a hobby, right?

My Fics/Inspirations:

nayraider : links for my fics (on FanFiction.net & ao3) -- plz read them

settings : fic inspiration tag

fic inspo : fic inspiration tag based on fanart

Things I Don’t Understand inspo : posts that allude to my current HxH/KilluGon fic Things I Don’t Understand in some way

Moondust inspo : posts that allude to my current HnK fic Moondust

The Spirit of the River inspo : ditto/etc.

Heart’s Desire inspo

Ebony & Ivory inspo

Here With You inspo

Two Hearts inspo

Hidden Palace inspo

Blood on My Hands inspo

A Puppet on a Lonely String inspo

Singin’ in the Rain inspo

Stars inspo

Closer inspo

Just a Game inspo

Personal Tags:

Nay talks : every original post I’ve made

Nay rambles : me saying nonsense on posts made by other people

Nay’s art : my shitty drawings posted on dA as well (@NayruElric)

about : abt Nay (most abundant tag bc I’ve recently become a self-centered asshole lmao)

personal

self reminder

dharma : Buddhism & Zen tag

i’m gay

ref : shit I want to use later

fav : random cool fandom posts/sayings

relationship goals

dream home

Follower Tags:

Nay answers : asks sent to me that I’ve answered/posted

important : includes topics such as racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, environmentalism, & animal cruelty

save the ocean : separate tag to promote ocean healthiness

reminder

reference : iconic/cool Tumblr posts (category: all)

legendary : uberly iconic Tumblr posts

list of underrated characters

list of underrated movies

nsfw : not much here, mostly MikaYuu (possibly empty after Dec. 17th)

gore : trigger tag for excessive blood/violence

Fandom Aesthetics:

Greek myth aesthetic

Assassin’s Creed aesthetic

Gatsby vibes

Breath of the Wild vibes

Tomb Raider vibes

HxH vibes

no one misses HxH like Niuya : art of HxH animators (not just Niuya)

anime aesthetic : basically my Studio Ghibli tag, with some other stuff

Song of Achilles vibes

Aida vibes

Carmen vibes

Madama Butterfly vibes

Lakmé vibes

Real Life Aesthetics:

Eastern life

Western life

nature aesthetic

plant aesthetic

ocean aesthetic

food aesthetic

robot aesthetic

aesthetic : miscellaneous

gems

astronomy

rain

spring

summer

winter

autumn

~(˘▾˘~) : my cat tag

tsuki no kirei da na~? : my moon tag

fishy

snakes

tiger : my Chinese Zodiac

sakura

amazing cosplay

metropolis

I hope you enjoy!

[wonhuis]

hey! sorry for not being that active, i got one final! i didn’t expect it tbh but since subjects have a limit of 3 years i was “forced” to take at least one if i wanted to keep my regularity. so yeah i prob didn’t pass but i just need a 4 to keep it cool. ah yes! exo m had a lot of potential, i still like exo tho, they are one of my first groups. i read you put seulgi in one of your tags, do you like rv? 1/? 🍰-sss

i feel your struggle is like i want to multitask but at the same time just for a little while. the game had a 80% discount i think, it was like woah steam and its christmas spirit came early this year. fbkjsfsbk gta betrayed you! can you change it tho? thank you! my stomach didn’t help me these few days but the stress didn’t help as well. I haven’t watch it but it’s on my list? would u rec it? 2/? 🍰-sss 

idk a lot abt dramas, animes on the other hand💕 do u have any fav anime/s?jun in denim jacket is everything! it suits him very well, the red sweater he wore on going seventeen was amazing too! tbh everything he wears + black hair is my fav look. black hair suits him so well! but brown hair is my close 2nd fav. for clothes: sweaters, like a nice cream colour. i love when he wears jackets or big coats, he looks so cozy and my heart goes *boom* ¾ 🍰-sss 

question: who would get along with the most in svt? also the whole mess thats going on bc of twitter and reposters, smh. people have no shame to not only steal content but believe they have the nerves to say “it’s just a gif”, then do it yourself. a lot of ccs spend time and effort doing it. twt is pure clownery. i hope u started well this week! (besides twt drama). also vernon + bugs lmao!!! i’d have done the same ngl 4/4 🍰-sss

oh sweetie don’t worry about it!! i’m not a consistent person myself so i tend to be inactive out of nowhere for a few days as well lmao but omg hope u at least got that 4!!! what are u studying, if you don’t mind me asking?

ah yes i still do love exo as well!!i mean baekhyun is still my ult lmao if ur a cheol stan are u also a suho one? oh but u said u liked exo m better lmao i just know so many ppl that are suho stans and also stan cheol lmao (and taeil from nct????) so i’m curious about it!! 

and i do!!! we’ve been fighting a LOT recently because i really dislike the songs they dropped after bad boy but oh well, they’re still cute and i rlly like them!! not my fave gg of this generation bc twice exists, but they’re somewhere there with a few others lmao 

oh i multitask all the time it’s an addiction honestly kkdskdj if i don’t do at least two things at the same time i absolutely can’t concentrate for some reason, but one of the things can be listening to music so it’s all good, like right now i’m answering this and listening to some glee performances LMAO but omg 80% is a reallyyyyy good discount!! i think i could still return gta but i paid it rlly cheap and i’m still planning on getting a new laptop so i don’t rlly wanna get rid of it lmao also i play it when i’m at my friend’s house sometimes 

ah it was a really cute drama, but some things rlly annoyed me lmao i’d rec it because it’s cute and i’m hella biased towards jinyoung and jisoo lmao also i didn’t suffer that much but the final ep disappointed me a lot bc it felt rlly rushed :/ like the two seasons went at a certain pace and then the last ep felt too much, but it was still good!!

and i looooooooooove animes lmao my all time fave is fullmetal alchemist!!! for anime and for manga! i reread and rewatch it every single year and i’ve been doing it for 10 years lmao (i do the same with percy jackson because i’m crazy like that!!) but i also love haikyuu, bnha, tokyo ghoul (rip), kimetsu no yaiba, bungou stray dogs, kuroshitsuji and i’m a huge fan of shoujo too!! my fave is fruits basket, but i love gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, kimi ni todoke, ao haru ride, akatsuki no yona, ore monogatari, ouran high school host club, kaichou wa maid sama and others! AND ALSO!! i love those cute slice of life ones like barakamon, tanaka-kun wa itsumo kedaruge, kyoukai no kanata and hyouka!! i’m always watching new anime but i also rewatch most of the animes i’ve watched, some that i really like to rewatch (besides the ones i’ve already said, that i have rewatched a few times lmao) are karneval, yamada-kun to nananin no majo and servamp! they all only have one season of 12 eps and they’re rlly easy to watch, that’s why i watch them a lot lmao 

ANYWAY

omg yes black hair is everything to me i’m the biggest black hair suppremacist lmao BUT the brown comma hair he had during clap? AMAZING! his mansae brown hair was also REALLY nice, i rlly did enjoy the dirty blonde one from very nice too! and the pink!!!!! i love pink hair sO MUCH, I LOVE JUN IN EVERY HAIR COLOR LMAO HE LOOKS AMAZING IN ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!! (but black hair is def my fave for anyone lmao except minghao bc i loved his clap hair the most)

CHEOL IN BIG AND WARM AND COZY JACKETS/SWEATERS/COATS YESSSSSS I LOVE IT TOO!!!! big and fluffy sweaters are my fave looks ever bc it’s just so cute my heart combusts always 

also i think wonwoo? we have a similar kind of humor and we also like the same things, but even though i talk a lot i’m never the one to start the talk and neither is he, so we’d basically never talk LMAO but it’d be all good we could just hang around together in a comfortable silence while we read and pet my cats!! i’d also like to say minghao and vernon bc i love them but they’re kinda too deep for me lmao i’m a shallow person and i don’t like taking things too seriously so it’d be a problem sometimes i think… oh!!! there’s jeonghan too!! we’d definitely either love or hate each other LMAO i’m rlly similar to him when i’m comfortable with someone i think, like his sometimes devilish personality is 100% me with my close friends lmao but what about you?????

and ah yeah… the reposters…. see i get PISSED over reposters i really do despise them SO MUCH!!!!! see from 2011-2013 i had an anime blog and i used to make a lot of edits and gifs there and i always had these two accs that reposted me all the time and i got so pissed bc u couldn’t report for this back then so i just deleted my whole acc (it had over 20k followers lmao) so i still get pissed!!! this one set of mine from my nct blog got reposted and it got almost 2k notes when mine had like 500 (it now has almost 4k but still) and i HATE that lmao like nowadays ppl aren’t even supporting content creators anymore u know, the likes to reblogs ratio is RIDICULOUS. i have this one post from 2011 in my old blog that has 1800 notes and only 100 are likes, but now it’s the exact opposite and it kinda :// i always say that i don’t care about numbers bc i LOVE to read to tags and stuff like that is what matters to me the most, but if people don’t reblog there’s no tags for me to read and that’s what saddens me the most :/ i never rlly cared about notes, but it’s kinda shitty to spend a shit ton of time doing something just for fun and people don’t even appreciate it :/

also the way content creators literally are the ones that keep this plataform up and running and it means NOTHING to have a big following here, like ppl on twt and ig get sponsors for their numbers even if they do NOTHING. i hate twitter so much lmao ppl out there only stealing jokes and posts from tumblr and acting like they’re the shit, then getting 100k followers and sponsors like?? i’m sorry?? also there’s SO MANY artists on twitter that get absolutely no recognition but only those shit ass people that tweet about their foot fetish get followes, same with ig if ur rich and take nice pics of urself traveling then ur famous i HATE

I’M SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH BUT I GET SO ANGRY LMAO 

FUCK reposters and fuck tumblr and fuck twitter too 

but not fuck you sweetie, sorry pls come back ksdjnakjsd