#i hope this all makes sense in the way ive explained? if anything is still unclear let us know!! 🫶🏻💖💖

[jokeroutbigbang]

i've been waiting for something like this to be organised and i'm definitely joining :D but i think some of the rules should be revised

as an artist i think it is totally doable to create a piece before the deadline, but it feels like too much work for the writers? the minimum word requirements for writers might scare a lot of people away from joining and readers will be overwhelmed by a bunch of long fics (not in a good way) when they're all posted :(

another thing i think is a bit weird here is that artists start working on their part before the writers have to submit a complete fic/they have to work with just the rough idea and that doesn't give room for the writer to maybe change their mind about their initial idea or add something, and again as an artist when i've participated in big bangs before it's been with finished fics and i feel like that gives me the ability to really create something *for* the writer's fic and it's not like we're both just working off the same rough idea i don't see anything bad in extending the creating period, more people will join and we'll only get better works at the end :D

sorry for such a long message but i just wanted to share my opinion, ty for organising this anyways and i can't wait to participate <3

Hi, thank you so much for your interest, we can't wait to see what you create for this event! 🫶🏻💖

And we hear your concerns, don't worry – but we do think this is all very manageable within the set time frame.

For a Big Bang, the word count is on the lower end, in most ones that we've seen, 10k was the Mini Bang and the bigger ones would be around 20-30k words. Granted, a lot of Big Bangs also have a creation period of 3-4 months, but thats why we think that for a 2 month writing phase, 10k for a BB and 6k for a MB is very achievable. (It is supposed to be a bit of a challenge after all)

We've oriented our expectations based on what we've seen in this fandom and what we've seen is that we have a lot of talented and very engaged writers!

For a direct example, look at the Secret Santa gift exchange: The timeframe there was a little over a month to create from when everyone received their matches. That means, a little over a month to think about a fic that matches the plot and then also to write it. If you look through the fics posted in the AO3 collection, over half of them exceed 5k! (Absolutely incredible work, can't say it enough) And a lot of them even reach 6k or 7k, some even higher.

So that is also what we're using as our reference to set the writing goals.

With our timeframe, writers will have two full months to write a fic (starting february) and already have time now to think about what they want to write and take notes etc. They also don't have to write on a promt basis but have complete creative freedom, so maybe they have an idea that's been sitting around for a while and now is the opportunity to take on the challenge and write it!

So with all of that in mind, we think 6k or 10k is a realistic goal for this fandom. :)

As for the artist concern – we do hear you and you do raise a very fair point that we'll definitely keep thinking on.

At the point where artists come in and start working with a writer, the fic should already be much more than just a vague idea, don't worry. The artist's creation phase begins after the first check-in for the writers so there's already a first word goal that's being met. Plus, from the beginning the fic should already have a set plot that's being shared in the summary, including start, conflict, resolution, etc. The summary will be as detailed as possible. So at the first check-in, you should already know everything that is going to happen in the fic. You and the writer have all the freedom you want, maybe they write the fic around a specific scene that's the most important one and you can make art for that, maybe there's a specific setting you both want to capture, maybe more something purposely vague, we do encourage a lot of communication here! (Both in the interest of the event and to perhaps even make some new close connections)

However – and this is very important – as with everything, there is always room for improvement and adjustments!

If we do notice that the matches, the start for the artists, or the word requirements do not work out – we will of course do our best to adjust the event as necessary!

We do want this to work, after all, and we do want everyone to have a fun creating with each other! We want this to be fun! So if we notice that things don't work, we will make adjustments 🫶🏻

And this is a first for us as well haha, as you can tell, there hasn't been a Big Bang for this fandom so far. So as much as we of course want this to work perfectly on the first go, it probably won't. Which is okay! This is as much as fun project as it is somewhat of a test run to see how a Big Bang can work in this fandom, so that the next time it runs even smoother! :D

As for being overwhelmed by a lot of big fics, unfortunately or fortunately (whichever perspective you see it from), that is kind of the point of a Big Bang. If the word count was higher (let's say minimum 20k), the posting period would also be longer to space them out more. However, if we get around 15 - 20 works with 6-10k, we think it's still possible to enjoy them all. (You don't have to read them all on the day of posting, not everyone might want to read every ship or every AU setting, and so forth)

And once again – Thank you so much for reaching out, and thank you even more for wanting to participate!! We can't wait to see your work! 🫶🏻💖

— mod fruity

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m not homophobic, but your bio is really confusing me…

If you can do that, can you break it down for me? Explain it like I’m five, iykwim (i just discovered that im abrosexual so im kinda new to the whole lgbtqia+ schtick)

yeah sure!

I'm intersex and have a complicated identity because of it. i don't fit into just one box, i fit into multiple queer identities. I've had to transition into gender itself, as an intersex person, because I've been told I'm "too masc to be a woman" and "not a real man". i haven't been allowed to be a man OR woman for most of my life, I've had to transition into gender itself

I'm bigender, and im a woman and and a man at the same time. both my manhood and womanhood are trans identities because I've had to transition into both. im also both transfeminine and transmasculine, for the same reason. they don't cancel each other out, or anything like that. I've had to transition into masculinity and femininity as well, as both have been held away from me just out of arm's reach

I'm a multigender butch lesbian! there's no rules that state that lesbians can't have more than one gender, and can't be men. many lesbians are also men. many transmascs start in the lesbian community and like to stay there because it still suits them. for me, ive always resonated with lesbianism. the way i love other people is very sapphic. i dont have to change the words i use for myself because people believe lesbians can't be trans or multigender. there's no rules. a lesboy/guydyke is a lesbian who's also a man or vibes with manhood

I'm also a gay man, which is why i also identify as a fag. I'm both a gay man and a lesbian at the same time, and i really resonate with both the terms fag and dyke. they both suit me! I'm bisexual, because i have 2+ modes of attraction. gayness and lesbianism are 2 different modes of attraction i experience

I'm genderqueer. I'm not a gender conforming man or woman. im a feminine man and a masculine woman. i do not fit into binary manhood and womanhood. the term non binary doesn't suit me. it doesn't feel good when applied to myself, but genderqueer is perfect!

im aromantic and on the asexual spectrum. i do not like romance or romantic relationships at all. i dont experience crushes or the desire to cuddle, kiss, go on dates or anything else associated with romance. I'm also on the ace spectrum. i don't get horny when i see attractive people. and i do not want to have sex with them. i can find people attractive but I don't want to have sex about it

hope that helps somewhat! it really isnt that confusing at all once you realize you can do what you want forever. queer identities don't have to make sense. they're identities, not scientific theories. queer people are as broad and varied as anyone else! the definitions of queer identities are suggestions, not boxes to shove people into

[sockeye-station]

Wait is your four the captain? How did that happen?

YES! YES!! I GOT SOMEONE TO ASK ABOUT IT! I WIN!!!!

CLEARS THROAT. OKAY OKAY OKAY IVE HAD THIS ROTATING IN MY HEAD FOR A HOT FUCKN MINUTE AND ILL TRY MY BEST TO EXPLAIN IT IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE

OKAY. LETS REWIND ALL THE WAY BACK TO OCTO EXPANSION!!!

so! octo expansion goes all normally, we have our agent 8 fighting through the entire structure to escape, agent 3 gets brainwashed, they have to fight, yadda yadda. you probably know how it goes by now. But here's the thing.

what if i went ahead and changed a tiny thing. just the teensiest detail.

what if instead of spamming splashdowns, tartar decides to use one big fuck off booyah bomb.

"but, didn't booyah bomb come out after octo expansion?"

yes. yes it did. and that's why i chose booyah bomb specifically.

tartar whipped out the idea to use a booyah bomb from some prototypes it found out about after abducting god-knows-who, and used it despite its unstable build. No one, at that moment, knew whatever that was, what it did, how dangerous it was, or anything of the sort. This was some sort of last hurrah, as it knew that this was its last shot at stopping this failure from escaping the facility. And so it exerted Agent 3 into giving it everything he's got. Quite literally, even! It pushed him so hard, he too became unstable while trying to mantain and boost the energy ball.

The Booyah Bomb is thrown with as much power as Tartar could muster out of that creature, pretty much covering most of the arena. Once the ink settles, and Agent 8 gathers his senses, he looks around. Agent 3 is nowhere to be seen.

at no point in canon is sanitized agent 3 properly splatted throughout the fight — you only break their shield, they superjump back to their platform, and you eventually knock them out. you never splat them. so who's to say that, just like agent 8 during the ascent, they don't have a respawn anchor?

That's what I decided to play with here. Agent 3 is splatted with no respawn anchor. Agent 3 is dead.

The rest of octo expansion plays as normal, only that there's no passed out Agent 3 waiting at the helicopter.

Starting from here, Agent 8 becomes affiliated with the NSS through Cuttlefish after breaking the news, feeling like he needs to make it up for the loss they suffered as he feels responsible for it. He grows closer with Agent 4, and eventually they become closer friends, even staying at her place after she invited him once their friendship was more developed. This paragraph is mostly to explain how they know each other and how their friendship started, also explaining why my Agent 8 gives OtH Agent 4's number instead of Cuttlefish.

Okay! Now, back to the point of this ask. I actually had a bit of this typed out in a server I'm in!

[Agent 4] didn't really have a choice when it came to becoming Captain, being the fifth longest-standing member of the NSS after craig, the squisters and agent 3. craig was retiring, the squid sisters were still busy with their inkopolis celebrity scene, and [Agent 3] was dead. so she was the next best option.

she didnt really ask for this in the first place, and yet she accepted out of hopes of being acknowledged. When she was just an agent, the rest of the team didn't keep in touch with her much (except for Agent 8) after the events of OE, and at one point even stopped being called for whenever Callie got the shades on again. Whenever she patrolled, she did it without any previous call, and was rarely acknowledged by the others. She still kept visiting the canyon whenever she could after everyone else had moved on.

even after becoming the "captain", the others didnt usually reach out to her for assistance, and instead tended to act on their own. they never really took her as captain, rarely listening to her. so obviously this whole mess made her feel like absolute dogshit, questioning why she even decided to go through with this.

that title was meant for [Agent 3]. not for her. he was the one that came before her, and was better than her in so many ways. at least that's what the others kept repeating around her.

as much of a punch in the gut being constantly compared to someone else was, she kept pushing to try and make herself known, separate from the other's achievements. which is why she ended up accepting marina's request.

[ugly-pickle]

wait!- ☆ scara

CHARACTERS: idol!scara x gn!reader

SYNOPSIS: scara had always promised you that he will always love you and will always have time for you, but he never confirmed that hes a man of his word…

GENRE: angst 🦢 (comfort from another at the end)

W/C: 1.3k

C/W: cheating, moaning, hinting of intoxication, kissing, toxicity, and cussing (if theres anything that i missed let me know!)

A/N: a lot of people liked my previous post so it motivated me to make another! im still new at this so please keep that in mind if a few bits are off (IT’S REALLY REALLY REALLY CRINGY). most grammatical errors are also intentional!

your boyfriend, scara, has a performance today and youre really excited. you received flowers, theyre beautiful. maybe this is an apology for the lack of affection and being more grumpy towards you lately, i mean to be an idol certainly is tiring, isnt it? so it makes perfect sense why he’s acting like this… right?

as always, he gave you tickets to his concert. you couldnt get the chance to say goodbye to him because he left so early in the morning, so youll make it up to him when you meet him backstage.

you got dressed and headed out the door, youre excited to see your beloved scara preform, because he looked happy while doing his job, you were excited to see his smile because… well, he doesnt smile at you anymore… but you quickly brush it off, i mean, being an idol is very stressful.

youve arrived, you tried to enter backstage but some bodyguard stopped you, “hey! what do you think youre doing missy?” you sigh, he must be new, “scara is my lover, i just want to see him,” you try to explain but the bodyguard cuts you off and says “thats what they all say,” he rolls his eyes. “no! really, i am!” you show the bodyguard a picture of you and scara together kissing, “oh” the bodyguard grunts, “so youll let me in?” you look up at him, he looks a bit uncomfortable, “well uhm… ive been given specific orders to not let you in… im sorry,”

“w-what?...”

you heard him loud and clear, the world around you begins to spin, but you quickly ground yourself by comforting yourself with false hopes. maybe hes just planning a surprise for you back there, i mean, it might explain why you got flowers, yea! that must be the reason… you hope.

you found your spot, perfect timing too! the concert begins, you see scara. you melt when you see a smile on his lips, he looks so happy. the crowd screams, theyre chanting 5wirl (the name of their group). venti, xiao, kazuha, heizou, and scara is greeting the audience with warms smiles and kind words.

after a while, the performance ends, it was quite long actually, but it felt so short, time does fly when youre having fun. you head to the backstage doors, hoping that the bodyguard lets you in this time. as you make your way to the backstage doors you see scara’s back in your peripheral vision. hes in a secluded place, he looks like hes trying to be hidden from the crowd, makes sense. you decide to scare him, as you get closer you can see a beautiful lady’s lips pressed against scara’s. you hear the sounds of kissing and soft moaning coming from them.

your heart shatters into a million pieces, it broke so bad that you swore you heard it make a shattering sound. tears fall down your face, youre so stunned that you cant even form words, instead, a pathetic whimpering sound escapes your lips. scara turns around to see where the strange sound is coming from.

his eyes widen a bit, but he immediately regains his composure. “stop crying like a baby and get over it, youre just a nuisance in my life,” now scara was just stomping all over your already broken heart. these simple actions somehow drained all of your energy, just standing was exhausting, not wanting to waste time or energy you give him an “ok,” and you turn around and leave.

you arrive at your shared apartment and decide to eat and rest for a little, so when he comes back you can properly confront him. but, he comes back the next day, hes wasted and the smell of sex is clinging onto him. he walks past you and immediately collapses on the couch and knocks out cold.

when he finally wakes up, youre making dinner. he remembers the encounter from last night. his eyes wander, wanting to look at anything but you. something in the trashcan catches his eye, the flowers. theyre pretty but it didnt come from him.

youve finished cooking, you see scara sitting at the table. you sit down, and placed your meal in front of you and you start to eat. “…what about mine?” scara asks you with a quiet voice. “oh wow, youre initiating a conversation with the nuisance. well, if you must know, that having to take care of you is quite tiring and ive realized that youre quite troublesome and it would be better if you werent in my life. so, kunikuzushi, im breaking up with you.”

hes taken aback when you use his birth name, “h-hey y/n, i didnt mean what i said yesterday… i regret it, it was just the heat of the moment,” he says, his voice trembling a bit. you sigh, “that still doesnt change the fact that you cheated on me, pack your bags and leave, this is my apartment after all,”

his trembling demeanour quickly turned aggressive, “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH LOVE AND TIME IVE SPENT ON YOU?” you scoff, “WHAT LOVE? WHAT TIME? SURE, YOUVE PROMISED ME THESE THINGS BUT HAVE YOU EVER FULFILLED IT? EVER SINCE YOU BECAME AN IDOL, EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU CHANGED,”

the two of you are now yelling. “WELL, BEING AN IDOL IS TIRING, AND BEING BOUND TO ONLY YOU IS TIRING. ANEMO RESEMBLES FREEDOM, I CANT JUST BE BOUND TO YOU. A-AND SHE LOVES ME FOR WHO I AM” youre hurt, you stop yelling, “she loves you for who you are today, but will she when you have nothing?” “NO ONE LOVED ME WHEN I HAD NOTHING, WHEN I WAS NOTHING-“ “I FUCKING DID”

your voice begins to break, “i loved you when you had nothing, i was the one who helped you get back on your feet,” you sigh, hot tears now spilling down your face, “im gonna take a walk, and when i come back your things better be packed.” you leave the apartment, “you didnt even get to enjoy your meal,” he mumbles to himself. he begins to pack his things.

youre walking towards the park, youre tears making your cheeks glisten in the sunlight. you spot kazuha admiring the scenery, hes sitting down on a bench with a pen and notebook in hand, you assume he was making song lyrics or a haiku. you walk up to kazuha and wipe away your tears, “u-uhm hey kazu,” you sit down beside him. “oh hey y/n! nice seeing you here!” his voice is warm and comforting.

“im surprised that you arent swarmed by paparazzi yet,” you giggle, “me too, the quiet is very relaxing. my day has become better now that youre here. wheres scara?” you can feel your eyes watering up “we broke up… he cheated on me,” kazuha hugs you, patting your back, tears are now falling down your face. “you dont deserve that, you really dont, youre one of the most amazing people that i know.”

tip tap tip tap tip tap

you hear the sound of footsteps running, it’s probably someone jogging. kazuha tucks your hair behind your ear while looking you in the eyes.

“WAIT!-“

kazuha presses a gentle kiss on your forehead. you turn your head to see who had just called out, it was scara, he was standing there in shock, tears slipping down his face. “YOU BITCH KAZUHA,” scara yells at him. the bouquet of flowers you threw out earlier was now in his hands. “YOU LIKE Y/N, DONT YOU? YOU HAVE HER THESE FLOWERS, RIGHT?” scara scoffs, “and what if i do? theres no harm in having a crush, unlike cheating on your lover. and, i did give those flowers to her, so what?”

scara turns to you “b-baby you still love me right? a-and not this bastard, right?” his voice seems desperate, “kunikuzushi i-”

A/N: UHMM I LITERALLY HAD NO IDEA HOW TO END THIS- I AT LEAST TRIED LOL ┐༼ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°༽┌

(ngl i wanna make a part 2 because the ending was so messy ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º· )

TAGLIST @justaxiaosimp @mommykukki @xdrin @midnight-pluto @boomie-123 @scaramochies @dnsuhwr874y @hopefulceladon @yukinenikora @akusiapaakudimana @mai-yay @uhfhfhfhf

[mickeyswhore]

Runaway

Request: hello! ive been having MAJOR house of wax/vincent brainrot....im wondering if you can do a vincent sinclair small fic? or something like that, im not used to fic terms,,,,,, it can be anything you want to write abt :3

A/N: Vincent Sinclair is so pookie, having brainrot about him is so valid and I totally get you, I hope you like it, let me know. 🫶

Summary: After suffering a mental breakdown, you decide to go on a road trip. You stumble upon a small town called Ambrose, and things escalate from there.

Vincent Sinclair x Reader

Warnings: just your run of the mill murder mentions, nothing much and dark undertones, this was low key fluffly.

GIF by @coppoladelrey

After you had a mental breakdown for being too overworked, you decided to go on a road trip so you can relax and just see new places. You avoided the highways because driving on those was extremely depressing so you were in country roads, now you were in Louisiana. It was hot and you were so thankful for your A/C being so powerful.

You decided to stop in a small town that you stumbled upon, it was around 1:00 PM and it was time to get more snacks and water, you parked your car in front of the small shop and you left the car. When you tried to enter the shop, it was locked. You found it odd since it was 24 hours, but you decided to wait to open again, you were in no rush so you decided to wait in your car.

Losing track of time playing games on your phone, you heard someone knocking at your window, you yelled and put your hand on your chest. You looked and you saw a man in a suit, you smiled tightly at him and left the car to be able to talk to him.

“You alright, sugar?” Bo thought it was extremely odd that not even Lester was able to see where you were coming from.

“Yeah, just passing by. I needed to buy some snacks for the journey, but it seems to be closed.” You pointed at the shop and Bo smiled at you.

“I think the owner had to leave for a few hours, you’re than welcomed to wait. But you shouldn’t in the car, come on I’ll walk you around the city, we have a wax museum that’s really cool. I’m Bo, by the way.” He raised his hand for you to shake and you did, you also introduced yourself.

The two of you walked towards the museum, and Bo kept asking questions such as why you were travelling, where you were heading and why you were by yourself. You didn't like the fact that he was almost interrogating you but you tried to keep your answers to a minimum. You weren’t to divulge the state of your mental health for this trip to be possible, you didn't resent Bo, you simply blamed it on southern hospitality so you remained pleasant and polite.

“Here we are, I have the keys to it so I can show you around.” Bo opened the door and allowed you to enter before him and he started telling the story about the museum. “Trudy was the woman that started it all, she had great talent we try to keep her legacy alive.” You looked at the the wax figures and they’re amazing, you’ve never seen anything like this before.

“It’s beautiful, who’s the current artist?” You asked whilst still looking at the statues, it was like nothing you’ve ever seen in your life before.

“His name is Vincent.” Bo informed you, he was watching you admiring Vincent’s work with genuine wonder and that made him smile.

“I’d love to meet him.” That was the only outcome for you, meeting the genius behind these sculptures, you felt a connection with him even though you have no idea who he is.

“He’s, well how do you say it? A recluse?” Bo explained to you and the way you deflated made his heart clench, why was he so affected by your sadness? He already looked at you with this sense of protection, he didn't want to kill you, it was strange.

“That’s a pity, it would be great to meet him.” You looked so sad, and Bo couldn’t have that. Vincent would kill him but if it was a bad idea Vincent was going to kill you anyway.

“Well, he lives down here. You can try to talk to him, can’t make any promises though.” Bo showed you the way and so you did, it was dark and you could tell that candles were lit.

Vincent was freaking out, why would Bo do this? Vincent didn't want to kill you at all, and you seemed very interested in his art. Ever since you and Bo entered the museum, Vincent was admiring you and he wanted to make you his muse.

“Hello? Vincent? I was looking at your art and it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and I’d love to meet you if you want.” The hope in your voice was the most amazing thing for Vincent, you were so respectful and you loved his art Vincent’s heart was skipping a beat, he wanted to get to know you but you would scream and run away as soon as you saw him. “I hope you can hear me, your art is amazing.” Vincent took a deep breath and showed in your field of vision and he couldn’t even look up to your face of disgust.

“Hi! I’m so glad to meet you, Bo said that you were more of an introvert so it’s an honour.” You got close to him and raised your hand to shake Vincent’s, he reluctantly raised his and looked at you and you had the biggest smile Vincent has ever seen. He didn't say anything and you assumed that he was a man of few words. “Well, I think that I should leave you be. You’re probably very busy and I didn't mean to intrude, so I should get going.” Vincent started panicking, he didn't want you to leave.

Vincent grabbed your arm and guided you to one of his almost finished figure, you were admiring Vincent’s work and he was admiring you, your eyes, your cheeks, your complexion. He didn't want you to leave, and he didn't want you to die, he needed you.

“That’s amazing, Vincent. Thank you for showing me this.” You put your hand in his arm and smiled at him warmly, you couldn’t deny that his shy nature drew you in. You wanted to learn more about him, maybe you could stay a bit longer in this town. Vincent nodded and in a bold move, he put his hand on top of yours. “I hope that you can say yes, but totally alright if you don’t…would you like to go out for a cup of coffee with me?” You internally cringed with how awkward you were but Vincent couldn’t help but love it. He nodded and he was glad he did, because he was able to see the biggest smile he has ever seen.

“Great, well I better find a hotel. Do you know any?” Vincent nodded his head, he would need Bo’s help to keep you here. He doesn’t want you to leave.

You’re his, his muse, forever.

Bo already got your car broken when he didn't hear any screams he realised that Vincent didn't want you to leave, at all. Meanwhile, you and Vincent were spending this time contemplating art and talking about it, you were so excited where this was taking you, and Vincent already knew that you weren’t leaving at all.

[the5thcellar]

I actually think Luke is serious about A. That age gap is typically what men marry these days. I think he's crazy about her and was taking it slow after a long term break up before going official. That shows intention, planning, and wanting her. I wouldn't be surprised the official IG couple post is coming soon.

I'm just upset that they took it this far with promo. Tom and Z were meeting each other's family outside of work early on, so to say you are officially brining him to meet the fame was a bit much. Closing your eyes when she touches your face? Grade A acting. I hate that it makes me believe he was never attracted to an amazing woman like Nicola. I feel dumb for falling for it all. I hope Nicola finds a handsome guy who will love her proudly.

that's a really interesting take tbh! ive actually never considered he was serious about her in the sense of marrying - but of course this is purely based off the vibes I get and is entirely my own view.

one of the reasons i say this is because luke doesn't seem too inclined to keep a completely friendly distance between himself and nic - i heard that the QC leads india and corey were shipped really hard by fans as well and he had a gf during the whole press run - and towards the end india and corey started posing separately on carpets (i.e. no touching, no friendly hand around shoulder even during photos etc) because they wanted to emphasise that they were really just friends.

luke in contrast seems to have no qualms about blurring lines - and one of the reasons the more rabid fans kept insulting Antonia was a direct result of the fact that he kept stating his "single" status to press. I think he could have helped Antonia avoid a lot of the flak she drew by just stating that he's seeing someone. but maybe he felt it would draw even more attention to his private life and her? idk. i don't want to puzzle over his motivations because I don't believe they are too complex - I've said this many times before and I'll keep saying it - no matter how good a man seems (and I do believe Luke is very good and sweet), trying to justify anything they do is still a sure path to disappointment.

more importantly: please don't feel dumb for falling for the hope that nic and luke could be together! i really don't think they were being deliberately disingenuous - i actually think the opposite - i think they themselves are often confused about what they really are and it's just easier to define it as being great friends. it's strange but i get the feeling that they see each other as a source of potential - it's simultaneously impossible and also the easiest thing in the world for them to envision a reality where they're together - there just seems to be many barriers to it happening for real. they're comfortable living in the liminal space between great friendship and great romantic love - it definitely explains why nic said she doesn't have a relationship in her life that's anything close to what she has with luke. I think there just needs to be a decisive push for them to ever move out of this grey area. it'll have to be something massive for it to ever happen... and it's not something I hold out hope for (again, just to avoid disappointment!)

this got really long; I wish nic and luke all the best and I think they have something very special with each other. I think life has many many stops along the way and I don't think luke has found a final stop in his romantic journey with antonia - they are both very young and they don't have the vibe of "together forever" couples - if they did (since luke is such a big believer in love at first sight) - he'd have laid down a commitment a lot sooner.

again I want to emphasise that this is all MY POV - it's the vibe I get. I'm WELL AWARE I don't know these people irl. There's always criticism of how parasocial fandom and stan behaviour are but I think most fans - myself included - are very conscious of the fact that the way we perceive and interact with celebs is completely one sided. I'm also not a psychic or clairvoyant or anything of the sort. i just strangely feel a lot of things all the time and ive never been chill a day in my life 😂

sending you lots of good feelings and healing - I feel your hurt and unease and disappointment because I feel the same, but it gets easier to accept with each day that passes.

[idontactuallywherepjs]

pt. 1

So. I started reading The Rangers Apprentice last night, and I only got up to chapter six i think (Will's just arrived at Halt's cottage for his first day of training and Halt remarks that at least he's on time and already had breakfast). And. I'm in love. Im buying the first three books today.

Anyways, assorted thoughts.

I really like the dynamic all of the wards have with each other. Like yeah these are kids who grew up together and love and get on each other's nerves in equal measure.

Will and Alyss being the only two who don't remember their parents is both heartbreaking and makes perfect sense in a weird way? I don't really know how to explain it but it just fits.

It also makes them confiding in each other about what craft their aiming for that much more impactful.

But it's also infinitely funnier to me that Alyss didn't look up. They've known each other their entire lives, literally, and she didn't. Look. Up. Comedy gold.

I just about cried at Will's reasoning for battleschool.

For whatever reason, Martin reminds me of a rat. I want to hit him with a frying pan. He's delightful.

I loved all the Craftmasters. Yeah their personalities and descriptions aren't groundbreaking or anything but they still seem neat.

Chubb's wooden ladle.

Jenny and Chubb's entire interaction. Him hitting her on the head. so great.

Will being able to feel Halt's eyes on him is so good. Like yeah! He's a natural! (I hope he falls on a face a few times while training but I love the detail that he was chosen because of his potential, not because he'll be perfect out the gait, and I like that his potential as a ranger is in obvious to him.

Will's pranks and mischief is so good. I love that detail. And the bunnies oh my gosh. I was laughing with Lady Pauline.

The second that paper was mentioned in knew what Will was going to do.

I did however think that the paper would be blank.

Will just causally doing. All of That. to get up the tower. Holy shit. Horrifying. scaling the wall especially.

I hope someone told the guard on duty what was happening right above his head i think his reaction would be funny.

My heart stopped when Halt grabbed Wills hand. Like I could tell it was coming there was no way he wasn't getting caught but i was still startled for some reason.

I hope nobody told the guards outside Baron Arald's office anything about what happened that night. Let them be confused.

Baron Arald is the funniest character so far and nobody laughs. "This time, use the stairs." Hilarious! that was so funny. poor guy is taken way to seriously i love him.

I really like the pacing so far. just something ive noticed. I takes it's time and lingers on certain scenes where other books would jump ahead. I like it.

I think ive forgotten how much i love this part of a story. it's the beginning. Ive just met the characters. I've got no idea what happens next. The plot hasn't really kicked off. The big bad is just in the distance. It's nice. It's relaxing. I love it.

[aidlyncanon]

this is my first actual tumblr post since idk what to do but ive had this idea in my head for a while and I wanted to share 🤗

so heres what I think each sbg characters love languages are. I wanted to include both the love language they express towards other and the type that resonates? with them when expressed by others. i dont know how to word that but I hope itll make sense 🙏

if it's inaccurate im sorry im not great at wording but i did try and make it at least a bit accurate which is hard when im unsure to most of these

𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐋𝐘𝐍 𝐁𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐑

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄/𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄?

— I feel like this may be the only one that properly fits Ashlyn. I could see her maybe also liking acts of service but i cant exactly explain why.

Maybe its because I think its also what she would do for others that I think it would fit. Like I said maybe acts of service like people doing little things to make her life easier.

I have a headcanon that Taylor or Ben has things in their bags for the others (total mom friends) so imagine her shock when she found out someone had ear plugs in their bag incase she needed them?

you get where im going with this?

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄

— I take little to no criticism on this. I can't imagine Ashlyn's being anything else. If she tried getting a gift she'd probably take too long wondering if theyd actually use it. Physical touch is a meh, she doesnt hate it but it wouldnt be her favourite. She said herself she isnt the best with words.

Her gift to people is just her presence. She'd be the type to occasionally need quiet but wouldn't mind being in comfortable silence with someone she likes. I feel like quality time would be her way of showing she cares for someone.

𝐀𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐊

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: ???

— This is an idk because im basing these off of what we know about their background and character but we know like nothing so everything about this is based off of pure theory.

The only canon part i can mention is that during his conversation with Ashlyn at the school he mentioned how since he moved around a lot he never really had a true bond with anyone.

"You seemed like the type to only get close with people who mean something to you."

So Aiden didnt just want someone he could feel attached to, he also wanted to feel cared for. Its a two way street with him.

While I could see him loving physical touch as I doubt he got enough of that as a child and he clearly loves being touchy with people I feel like with what we know I could argue really any love language. He'd probably take anything if it makes him feel cared for.

I found a picture of a chart saying "your love language may show what you lacked as a child" and he checked every box so he's fucked.

I ultimately want to settle with physical touch as he seemed shocked when Ashlyn initiated the hug likely due to being the one to always initiate them. Like above he probably just wants his efforts reciprocated.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇

— Self explanatory we see him being touchy with Ashlyn. He also put his hand on Tyler (idk if this is still fast pass if it is my apologies).

"he did that as a stay away from my girl" stfu. 🤗

𝐁𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐊

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— I take ZERO criticism on this.

Were all aware how bad his bullying was so I doubt he heard anything nice about him.

The main thing that makes me believe this is that every time he gets complimented or something nice said about him he gets sort of flustered and blushes.

This ^ was ben after Ashlyn complimented his bandaging job. A small compliment I know but even after what taylor said about him opening up he blushed there too.

You can't deny it means a lot to him he probably thought about those for a while.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐆𝐈𝐅𝐓 𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆

— I talked about this in a discord server briefly but I want to share it here. You know the quote "the quieter you are the more you hear"? Well thinking of that ive come up w the idea that Ben likely is more observant compared to most people.

Hed be the one to notice if someone was looking at something for a while in a store or hear it pass in conversation. Make a mental or physical note of it and get it for them.

I just imagine him being the type to be like "i know you like this" or "this reminded me of you". I feel like he wouldnt be the greatest at expressing it in many other ways so he resorts to getting people things.

Hes also pretty artsy so I can also just imagine him making people little things for them.

Like, tyler taught him guitar? gets tyler a new pick. Logan looking at something in the store? need to remember that. and so on

𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐀𝐍 𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃𝐒

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— Similar to Ben's. I could maybe see quality time being important to him as he hasnt had many people want to stick around him.

I mean his parents didnt want him and barrons group are just assholes so spending time with someone who genuinely cares for him? Doing an activity he enjoys? Hes over the moon.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄

— I can see him wanting to help people, i mean he helped Noah (the guy who barron replaced him with). I can imagine him doing little things for the group and people he loves.

He might get a bit embarrassed if confronted about it but ultimately hed do it again.

𝐓𝐀𝐘𝐋𝐎𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐙

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐑: 𝐐𝐔𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄???

— This is up in the air but I feel like it fit her the best? I imagine after her dad dying at a young age she grew up knowing that time with people is limited and can end at any moment.

So i can imagine her really appreciating someone spending one-on-one of just personal time with her. But i can also just see her appreciating any type.

My thing is I can imagine her being happy with receiving anything as long as someone had her best interest at heart then she'd become the happiest girl ever.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

— Another give in, she does it ALL THE TIME. Its literally her defining feature. Shes very good with words and likes making others feel better about themselves. Seeing people perk up from her words would be enough to make her own day better.

I imagine she too, like tyler, had to be there for her mom a lot. So she probably learnt it from that experience. I also imagine her want to make people happier stemmed from seeing Tyler slowly lose interest in everything around him and wanting to be able to be the person who could make his day just a bit better.

Though like above I could see taylor doing things she knows mean the most of others. Like the moment she realized Ben likes words of affirmations she made sure to compliment him a bit more. After realizing Ashlyn likes quality time she would find a way to do that while also not overwhelming Ashlyn, say a movie or just going on a walk. Shed make an effort to make people happy based off of what they love the most.

𝐓𝐘𝐋𝐄𝐑 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐙

𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐈𝐌: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄

— Tyler spent his entire childhood taking care of people so imagine how he would react to being taken care of for once.

I figure like at first hed be a bit reluctant however I think ultimately it would mean a lot to him to not have to always be rhe one taking care of others but being able to rest for once.

Like idk how to word it but I think it fits him, I could also see MAYBE words of affirmation? since he did want that when Logan Ashlyn and Ben found him but then again I dont blame him he was literally sitting bleeding.

𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒: 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐈𝐂𝐄?

— This one has a question mark since im not sure. Taking care of others has just became nature to him, its his factory settings. Its not something he like goes and does to get people interested its just natural to him.

I dont think its something he'd do specifically to express care, he'd likely be unaware how much it could mean to someone since its just life to him.

Im not too sure what his would actually be MAYBE quality time again similar to Taylors in the sense that he knows just how fast someone can lose their lives so he likely would appreciate someone wanting to actually spend time with him.

Even if he wouldnt admit it.

If these are inaccurate then I apologize I did try to make them as accurate as I could but wording my thoughts isnt something i'm great at.

Most of these im unsure of but I wanted to talk about anyway so idk gimme ur opinions on them id love to hear them esp since im unsure for half of these :)

[gor3sigil]

hi i dont really know how to introduce myself, so i hope you dont mind if i skip that part.

i just wanted to ask about that post you made a few days ago. in one of the last paragraphs you mention how hatching is painful. but is it supposed to feel like my entire world is cracking apart around me?

what you mentioned in the beginning of the post, about how the people around you felt about masculinity, that very aptly describes a lot of my fears of reactions to me identifying as masculine, which is what started me crying and ultimately spurred me to message you.

im just so scared

i have lots of trans people in my life, i just dont know how to talk about this with most of them (see: Very Scary :C) ive spent my whole life using femininity to take down peoples walls and help them feel comfortable around me. what the hell am i supposed to do as man? can i even still behave that way? will people even still trust me? will they like me? will they feel safe around me? its unbearable. every time i think about it my brain tries to run away, there's just so much fear.

is this normal at all? to be scared like this? i mean, considering i too struggle with the radical feminist narrative you mentioned? i dont believe the narrative, but i fear it. and then i get insecure and i cant stop thinking the insecurity an indication that manhood is the wrong direction for me.

am i making any sense?

Hi, it must've taken lots of strength to write all this so congrats to you. My answer will be based on my own experiences so take it with a grains of salt. Yeah, your world will definitely shatter too. Because even if you're just socially transitionning, if you do so while being surrounded by trans friends, most of them will change the way they percieve you so your interactions may change. I know that's scary, but you have to trust the process. If they're good friends, they won't like you less or anything. That's the hardest part I think. As you read in my post, coming ot made me lose tons of friends, most of them trans, because they treated me badly after I came out.

And yes, you are making sense. I went through the exact same fears as you. The fear of not being deemed as safe anymore. Unfortunately, I don't really have any solutions to offer you, appart from building your own community, online and/or IRL. Like I said, most of my trans friends were kinda crappy about me being masc and I struggled for years to feel comfortable in my masculinity as a result. Because I did the same as you, me being a "woman" was my way of saying that I understood the struggles of others and was safe. Let me stress one thing. You are still okay, you're not a bad person. Even if you discover new things about yourself, even if you're transmasc, even if you're transitionning (if you do), you are still very much the same person as before, with your understanding of a number of issues, with your own pas experiences.

It's a point I really can't stress enough. As I said in my post, you are still worthy of love, support, tenderness, being understood, being heard, being listened to, being comforted. One thing I noticed is that my previous friend tended to dismiss my feelings and/or be "rough" with me thinking that it was "affirming" because I was a man now. Let me tell you that that's BS and don't let anyone treat you this way.

Maybe try to test the water, idk if you came out already or not but maybe in your presentation or just by talking about transmasc specific issues with them, see how they react. That being said, I really do hope that your friends will be understanding. Or that by explaining to them how their behavior is wrong they will understand and act differently, because sometimes people so shit cause they don't know any better. I hope this helps, and I really wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out again. Take care.

[not-handsome-enough]

DICK KNUBBLER MAYE STILL BE ALIVE

Kinda

Alright before I do anything take this with a grain of salt, cause it’s probably a continuity error / can be easily explained away BUT if you all would like to hold onto some hope please just hear me out. And also it offers a question for yall.

Alright! So!

On twitter someone had asked Brendon and Gene about Murmaider III and its placement on Dethalbum IV ( which btw shoutout to Gene’s wife that was brilliant ) and Brendon had mentioned that what sets 3 apart from the other two was that it was more dreamlike, and that it was made AFTER Army of the Doomstar. Now since Brendon and Gene weren’t the ones to make the order on the Album we can’t set a timeline for the songs ( though they are set in Brutal to Dreamlike order once again shoutout to Genes wife you goddess ) we can at least say that some songs were made post Army. In fact we could also make some assumptions about what songs were made DURING army. So I’ll separate that list here.

NOTE : YALL DONT NEED TO READ THIS PART THIS IS JUST ME RUNNING WITH “ some songs were made post AOTD which ones could they be teehee “ JUST KNOW MURMAIDER AND SOS WERE AFTER KUBBLER DIED OK SORRy I’m not deleting that whole thing I like it

Songs with “ * “ are canon, the rest are personal interpretation.

DURING ARMY OF THE DOOMSTAR:

* Aortic Desecration ( the first song of salvation but obviously not )

* SOS ( song of salvation )

Gardener of Vengeance ( Nathan directly references this during the scene where he confides in the band and Knubbler that he doesn’t write songs about hope and he’s just doing what he knows. I believe he wrote and recorded this but felt it wasn’t good enough to be the song of salvation and moved on. HOWEVER the language he used could place this as post AOTD because it sounds more like a thrown out there example kinda like how he figured out SOS in the cave )

Poisoned By Food ( Again I think this is a scrapped song of salvation since besides the actual poisoning of food a lot of the imagery feels like the what the metalocalypse was described like )

BLOODBATH ( guess what another scrapped song of salvation. This one feels like a ‘you don’t scare me I’m going to confidently stop you because if I go down you go down with me’ song. Also it could be Nathan trying to reach out to Magnus since he was one of the people on his list. Also quick note I’m going song by song so I don’t know if I’ll notice if any other songs would reflect the list I just got out of work so I’m not gonna catch it all rn )

Horse of Fire ( this is tricky because lyrics like star still blazing allude to this being written before aortic desecration but also Nathan didn’t have the talk with the whale until the deadline came up in which he had to go with aortic desecration <he wouldn’t have had time to write about the fist or the hand.> But the lyrics don’t have the <we should reach out to the fans> revelation that SOS has. Maybe this was a draft for SOS but I think once Nathan figured out what SOS was meant to be it just came to him naturally. I’m not sure. HOWEVER since the doomstar is referred to as a star that is still blazing and not a portal that’s been destroyed it’s safe to say this is not post AOTD. Either way this is an important song to keep in mind if you look at this speculating )

POST ARMY OF THE DOOMSTAR:

* Murmaider III ( stated by Brendon Small in the interview. He said he feels that the boys would have written this after AOTD and based off of interviews he’s had in the past about his songwriting process it’s hard to not take this as canon so. )

DEADFACE ( I think this is post because while the song plays during the movie only Skwisgaar knew about the possession so the lyrics wouldn’t quite make sense yet. It’s a tricky placement but I can see Skwisgaar playing around with it since he does play the notes during the movie )

Mutilation on a Saturday Night ( this feels so much like a we survived so now we’re gonna party song I can’t see Nathan Skwisgaar or Pickles make an argument for this being a Song of Salvation. Also all the fucked up shit they talk about references what happened during the metalocalypse but it’s spoken in past tense like a ‘hey we fucked shit up but we fixed it so now we’re just gonna keep fucking around haha’)

I am The Beast ( simply cause I don’t see this as something Nathan would write during AOTD but the ‘ I am a beast this is my domain and when I speak you scream my name ‘ could work as a salvation line but it feels too much like a Mutilation Saturday Night ‘I can write whatever I want cause I lived and I’m not gonna hold back’ vibe )

Satellite Bleeding ( this feels like the first song they would have written and recorded after the doomstar died. Kinda like watching the sky clear up after a storm. )

Now despite me rambling on about this I would like to draw attention to what’s canon. Specifically SOS and Murmaider III. These songs came out after Knubbler died. Yet Dethalbum IV credits Knubbler for production.

Drawing your attention to how crediting in the Dethalbum works, each album has a little section for Dethklok to get musical credits and thank whoever and whatever. There’s also production credit and location credit. On ALL of the Dethalbums Knubbler is credited as producer. Cause he’s the producer makes sense yeayeyaeyah. But whenever there’s a change in location or production, there’s additional credits.

ANOTHER NOTE: I DONT HAVE THE KLOK OPERA CD I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE CREDITING SYSTEM LOOKS LIKE ON THERE but if someone happens to be selling that cd outside of eBay please let me know

Let’s look at them.

Dethalbum I ^

Shit ton of credits right, and on the other page which I didn’t take a picture of and can’t because I’m not home at the moment there’s credit to Snakes N Barrels for “Kill You” with each member listed. Take note that songs that are considered exceptions are credited differently and locations not at Mordhaus are credited.

I lied I have the other page. For those without the dethalbum cds the actual credits are usually on another page and “Kill You” got mixed in with it

Anyways

Dethalbum II

Hey Knubbies gets to thank someone this time! Anyways once again Knubbler is credited for production, but also Dethklok. Keep this in mind. Also the fact that different location credited for Murmaider II but it’s recorded at Mordhaus

Dethalbum III

Knubbler credit AND Abigail credit along with Dethklok AND once again location credit is Mordhaus and another fuckass place. Only thing that’s not really credited is Magnus with The Hammer but idk if he was like Toki and William where they play the songs but don’t really write or if he actually wrote The Hammer. I’m not a HammerHead, I’ve seen people interpret him as both, but at the end of the day idrk.

So what about Dethalbum IV

Knubbler is credited. At Deus Keep. Only Knubbler. Only at Deus Keep. “But he’s not credited as a Producer” True! If the album was released in universe it would probably be a producer credit. Especially since Brendon and Ulrich have Producer credit on the page prior. Maybe it’s because Knubbler didn’t make it to the final production stage. Or maybe he’s staying hidden undercover..

Remember earlier. He canonically was not around for two of these songs on this album. He could not have recorded OR mixed SOS or Murmaider III. Even if you don’t fully think that Murmaider III was made Post AOTD, SOS was done post Knubbler death. Hell, the song was dedicated to him by William! But there’s no separate credit for SOS.

If we went on the same basis as previous albums SOS would have been credited to that part of Norway where they traveled to that I forgot the name of and I’m not gonna look up but you get the point. Or even Dethklok would have been credited as production. I could also say something about how Murmaider III wasn’t recorded in the Mariana Trench and how the whale isn’t calling to Nathan anymore but that’s for another day. Right now though, it’s just Knubbler. Just Knubbler and Deus Keep.

Which leads to 3 possibilities.

Knubbler Lives: Knubbler survived ( the flashing things on the ground were teleporters ) and Deus Keep is rebuilt. To celebrate their survival they make Dethalbum IV but don’t release it

Knubbler Died: The band recorded the last few songs on the album at the remains of Deus Keep. Knubblers presets aren’t changed so credit remains to him. Once again not releasing it.

It’s not an album: Dethalbum IV doesn’t exist in universe. That’s why there’s no producer credit. That’s why Nathan doesn’t thank the klokateers ( he thanks the army of the doomstar which is just him thanking fans ). Dethklok recording it post AOTD is more to do with how Brendon records dethalbums than in universe writing.

I like to think that this is just an unreleased album in universe since the record label is more than likely destroyed, but it has the possibility of releasing one day if society is rebuilt to what it once was. But it really depends on if you think the album is canon to the universe. Cause there’s no Mordhaus credit on Dethalbum IV and there’s no way for SOS to have been recorded at Deus Keep and blablabla

something fun to think about tho yk?

TLDR: two songs on dethalbum IV were made after Knubbler death yet the credit doesn’t change for him in the dethalbum so there’s a chance that he recorded and mixed those songs cause he is alive and well horray

[oldiesstationlover11607]

YOU WRITE FOR WATERPARKS NOW????!!

may i pleaseeee ask for an awsten fic where reader is geoff or otto's sister and they dont really get along but when awsten goes out somewhere and gets into a fight while theyre traveling (theyre staying at a hotel) he goes to readers room and she takes care of his injuries and they make out up and end up sharing a bed. maybe could turn into a secret dating thing but yeah.. hope this makes sense <3

ps. happy early/late birthday (depending on when you read this)

pps i will aboslutely FILL you inbox with parx requests. ive been foaming at the mouth for them. youre an angel !!! 🍊

Secrets - Awsten Knight x Geoff's sister!reader

Word Count: 1552

A/N: Sorry this took so long! please request more awsten pleaseeee bc i love waterparks hehe

I never thought I’d find myself in this situation. It was past midnight, the hotel hallway was eerily quiet, and Awsten, of all people, stood at my door with a split lip, bruised knuckles, and a sheepish look on his face.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, voice low but sharp enough to cut through his usual bravado.

“Good evening to you too,” he quipped, his words slurring slightly as if he’d been chewing on them before spitting them out. “Can I come in?”

I leaned against the doorframe, crossing my arms. “Not until you explain why you look like you lost a fight with a garbage truck.”

Awsten’s hand went to his lip, dabbing at the dried blood as if he’d only just noticed it was there. “Some guy at the bar was being a jackass,” he muttered. “Said some stuff, shoved me. So, I… shoved him back.”

“And then?” I pressed, raising a skeptical brow.

“And then he punched me.”

I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. This wasn’t exactly out of character for Awsten, but it didn’t make it any less ridiculous. “You couldn’t go to Geoff? Or Otto? Why are you at my door?”

“Geoff’s asleep. Otto’s…” He gestured vaguely, like Otto’s absence was a problem too complicated to explain. “And, I don’t know, okay? You were just the first person I thought of.”

That surprised me more than it should have. Awsten and I weren’t exactly close. Sure, I was Geoff’s sister, and we saw each other plenty whenever I tagged along on tours, but our relationship mostly consisted of bickering, sarcastic jabs, and the occasional begrudging truce.

“Fine,” I said, stepping aside to let him in. “But if you bleed on anything, I’m sending you the cleaning bill.”

“Noted,” he said, brushing past me into the small hotel room.

The room was cramped, with barely enough space for the bed, a tiny desk, and a chair shoved awkwardly into the corner. Awsten collapsed onto the edge of the bed with a dramatic sigh, cradling his injured hand like a war hero nursing a battle wound.

I grabbed the first-aid kit from my suitcase, setting it on the nightstand. “Stay still,” I ordered, pulling out a cotton pad and a bottle of antiseptic.

“Yes, doctor,” he said with a smirk, though it faded the moment I pressed the cotton to his lip.

“God, that stings,” he hissed, jerking away.

“Stop being a baby,” I said, grabbing his chin to hold him still. Up close, I could see the faint shadow of a bruise blooming along his cheekbone. His eyes—usually sharp and mischievous—were softer now, a hint of vulnerability peeking through.

“What happened to the guy who hit you?” I asked, dabbing at the cut.

“Got kicked out,” Awsten muttered. “But not before landing a solid punch. Lucky me.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “You really are a magnet for trouble, aren’t you?”

He grinned, even as I pressed a fresh pad to his lip. “What can I say? It’s part of my charm.”

“Charm isn’t the word I’d use,” I muttered, though I couldn’t entirely suppress a smile.

We fell into a rhythm after that—me cleaning up his injuries, him cracking jokes to fill the silence. Despite my annoyance, there was something oddly comforting about the banter. It was familiar, easy in a way I didn’t expect.

“There,” I said, stepping back to admire my handiwork. “You’re semi-presentable again.”

“Thanks,” he said, flexing his fingers experimentally. “You’re pretty good at this.”

“I’ve had practice,” I said. “Geoff isn’t exactly a stranger to dumb injuries.”

Awsten chuckled, the sound low and genuine. “Guess it runs in the family, huh?”

I rolled my eyes, but before I could retort, he shifted awkwardly on the bed. “Uh… actually, can I crash here? Just for tonight?”

I blinked at him, caught off guard. “What?”

“I just… I really don’t want to run into that guy again,” he admitted, his voice quieter now. “And, I don’t know, it feels safer here.”

The vulnerability in his tone was unexpected, almost disarming. I hesitated, my instinct to say no warring with a pang of sympathy. Finally, I sighed. “Fine. But you’re sleeping on the other side of the bed.”

“Deal,” he said, already kicking off his shoes and flopping onto the mattress like he owned the place.

I shook my head, climbing in on the opposite side and pulling the blanket over myself. “No funny business, Knight.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he said, though there was a teasing lilt to his voice that made me wonder if he was lying.

I woke up to warmth.

At some point in the night, Awsten had shifted closer. His arm draped over my waist, his face nestled against my shoulder. My first instinct was to shove him off, but… I didn’t. There was something oddly comforting about the weight of him, the steady rise and fall of his breathing against my back.

“Awsten,” I whispered, my voice groggy.

He stirred, mumbling something incoherent before his eyes fluttered open. When he realized where he was, his face went red, but instead of pulling away, he smirked. “Morning, sunshine.”

“Don’t start,” I said, though my cheeks burned.

“Too late.” He propped himself up on one elbow, his grin softening as his eyes met mine. “You know, you’re kinda cute when you’re not yelling at me.”

“Don’t push your luck,” I said, but there was no bite to my words.

For a moment, neither of us moved. His gaze flicked to my lips, and before I could overthink it, he leaned in. The kiss was soft, tentative, like he was waiting for me to shove him away. But I didn’t.

When we pulled apart, his grin was back, full force this time. “So, does this mean you don’t hate me anymore?”

“Don’t get used to it,” I said, though I couldn’t hide my smile.

That should have been the end of it. A one-time thing, a weird blip in the universe that we’d both laugh about later. But it wasn’t.

The rest of the tour passed in a blur of stolen moments. Glances that lingered too long, hands brushing when no one was looking, whispered conversations in dark corners. It was maddening, infuriating, and completely intoxicating.

We didn’t tell anyone—not Geoff, not Otto, not anyone on the crew. Part of me liked the secrecy, the thrill of sneaking around. But another part of me knew it wasn’t sustainable.

One night, a week before the tour ended, Awsten showed up at my door again.

“This is becoming a habit,” I said, though I stepped aside to let him in.

“Can’t help it,” he said, grinning as he plopped onto the bed. “You’re just so beautiful.”

I rolled my eyes, but my heart did a little flip anyway. “What do you want, Awsten?”

He hesitated, his usual bravado faltering. “I wanted to see you.”

Something in his tone made my chest tighten. I sat down beside him, the bed dipping under our weight. “What’s going on?”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just… scared.”

“Of what?”

“This,” he said, gesturing between us. “Whatever this is. It’s… different.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Part of me wanted to agree, to admit that I was scared too. But another part of me—the part that had grown used to keeping people at arm’s length—wanted to push him away.

“I get it,” I said finally. “But maybe it doesn’t have to be so scary.”

Awsten looked at me, his eyes searching mine for something I wasn’t sure I could give him. Then, without a word, he kissed me. This time, there was no hesitation, no waiting for permission. It was messy and desperate and perfect.

When we pulled apart, he rested his forehead against mine. “You know this is gonna get complicated, right?”

“Yeah,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. “But maybe it’s worth it.”

The tour ended, and life went back to normal—well, as normal as it could be when you were secretly dating your brother’s bandmate.

Awsten and I fell into a rhythm, sneaking around whenever we could. It wasn’t easy, especially with Geoff constantly hovering, but somehow, we made it work.

One night, as we lay tangled in each other’s arms, Awsten turned to me, his expression uncharacteristically serious. “We should tell him,” he said.

“Who?”

“Geoff,” he said. “I mean, he’s gonna find out eventually, right? Might as well rip the band-aid off.”

I hesitated, my stomach twisting into knots. “You really think that’s a good idea?”

Awsten shrugged. “I don’t know. But I don’t want to keep hiding, either.”

I sighed, resting my head against his chest. “Let’s wait a little longer. Just until things settle down.”

He nodded, though I could tell he wasn’t happy about it. “Okay. But promise me something?”

“What?”

“Don’t let this be a secret forever,” he said, his voice soft. “I don’t want to feel like I’m hiding you.”

I looked up at him, my heart aching at the vulnerability in his eyes. “I promise,” I said, though I wasn’t sure if I believed it myself.

For now, the secret was ours. And for now, that was enough.

//

REQUESTS OPEN

[sdv-rants]

Leave Shane alone :(

Thinking you should be able to "fix" him misses the entire point of his story. He's still recovering and probably always will be. People with serious mental health issues don't just randomly get better and turn their life around by getting married. Shane can be in love with the farmer and still struggle with his mental illness and relapses as an addict. People who don't struggle with this stuff constantly get mad that he can't just magically be fixed or get better. Have you considered that maybe his story just isn't for you

CW for mentions of mental health struggles and alcohol abuse

tl;dr ,, i dont at all think shane needs to just be magically fixed, i just would love to see more in his post-marriage story showing him sobering up and visibly changing a little in a positive way. i dont want him to immediately change and be “perfect”, nobody is perfect, i just think it would be really cool to visibly see changes in his character after marrying him.

(full rant under the cut)

actually after posting that rant made me think about this a whole lot more, and i dont like how i worded some things and i can totally understand and relate to him most likely always going through recovery, my only problem is i wish there was maybe more actual dialogue and story to build that if that makes sense?? but honestly i could say that about sooo many of the marriage candidates. now, maybe their story feels slightly unfinished so you can sort of fill in the blanks yourself, and i totally can understand that being the case.

i completely see where you’re coming from, and i don’t entirely like how i worded my last rant. i think i only said the things i did because with shanes story it kind of hits a little close to home, having a lot of people close to me who ive watched go through similar situations as this character, and i think i was just projecting a little bit.

as someone who also struggles with mental health and other forms of addiction not in the form of substance abuse, i think i also relate to shane a lot, and seeing him go through the things he does within his story, it sort of reminds me of myself and reminds me of how much i wish i could be “fixed” in a way.

i also dont at all think people who struggle with any sort of addictions or mental health problems should be “fixed” or need to be “fixed”, i was referring to how a lot of people quote “i can fix him” and phrases like that when talking about shane, i definitely shouldve worded everything much better though. i meant that in that position if you’re someone who thinks you can “fix” anyone, yeah, you cant. and people dont need to be fixed. i do think people who struggle with addiction can be given support to recover though, and i guess i just wish that was more prominent in shanes story. i suppose im projecting a bit of my own personal life onto his story, cuz i would love to see portrayed in his story him sobering up and there being more visible changes in his life and his character. obviously i dont think he should just immediately turn into the “perfect” man overnight, nobody is perfect and yes, he will always struggle with certain things, and thats okay. i hope i’ve clarified my viewpoint on his story a little better, but im very bad at putting my exact thoughts into the proper wording, so i do apologize for anything ive said that may be confusing, feel free to ask for clarification and i can try my best to explain. :)

thank you for the input btw anon!! shanes character is one id like to talk about more in a much more positive light too, but when i typed yesterdays rant i had just been thinking about his story a lot and what i personally wished it looked like post marriage, but obviously we all have our own opinions on how each characters story should’ve looked, and thats ok.

i personally kind of think all of the characters story should’ve looked different after marrying them, just because i feel like it feels sort of stagnant once married obviously. but yk this is a small indie game with a solo creator, i cant imagine how difficult it would be to flesh out these characters anymore LMAO, but thats why i like this community so much. i like seeing every individuals perspective on each character and their stories throughout the game.

sorry this rant was so long LMFAO and i also apologize for my first two rants being about shane (and not being in the most positive light). i’ll definitely try and talk about my thoughts on shane and his story more soon though, trying to look at all of the things i love about his story.

ive been typing for way too long so im ending this here LMFAO, please feel free to leave input or any other questions, feedback, etc etc

[rintarousgirl]

i wanna be yours -- 8. 505

✦ - Y/N is a small business owner, offering her services not only as a designer but an at-home makeup artist and cosmetic producer as well. She's perfectly content with her small life when she's approached by the manager of the INARIZAKI band, asking for her to fill the position of backstage artist on short notice. Needing the money, and wanting the experience, Y/N agrees. Little does she know of the fatal attraction she will share with the band's lead, Suna Rintarou.

a/n: so, this is late ik, but i was writing a fic on ao3 so LMAO priorities ig. i have literally no other excuse than that and i am so sorry. it's also my best friend's birthday week, so ive been running ragged trying to plan her birthday. i hope this doesn't seem too rushed and short, i just really wanted to give y'all smth.

When you see Rintarou again, he kisses you.

You reciprocate, of course, but when his hand drifts down your side, you push him back lightly. He steps away immediately, hands by his side in surrender.

"What's wrong?" he asks softly, but he doesn't touch you. You take in a deep breath, hands tightening on your purse strap.

"We moved too fast. Like, way too fast the other night. We...we need to have a conversation. Not over the phone," you explain calmly, eyes glued to his neck. The bruising had mostly faded, but there's still an obvious discoloration staining his pale skin.

Rintarou licks his lips and rubs the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah, let's go upstairs."

You follow him silently through his house, and the two of you come to the same sunken-in living room you'd been sitting in last week. You sit facing each other, your knees tucked beneath you. You reach out and grab his hands, thumbs running over each vein on his forearm in an attempt to soothe him.

"Going into this, I thought I was going to take it slow," you admit softly, looking up to him. His full attention is on you, and you feel your confidence shrink under the gaze of his hazel eyes. "I didn't, clearly, and you were right when you said you didn't want to mess this--us up. I don't want too either. So, we really have to take it slow, despite it all."

Rintarou nods. "There are...a lot of things that could go wrong if we don't." You hum, leaning into the plush fabric of the couch.

"I agree. And I don't want to force you into things, especially if they make you so uncomfortable but...communication is key and how am I supposed to learn what I'm not supposed to do if you never tell me what happened between you and Kiyoko?"

He clearly wasn't expecting it, seeing as his hands twitch in your hold and his eyes go wide. He almost pulls back, but then his fingers curl into his palms and he closes his eyes. "You're right."

"I'm all ears," you whisper, and Rintarou's voice drips with hurt as he begins to share the story not only you had been curious of, but thousands of fans had been too.

"Kiyoko Shimizu was the makeup artist before you. Brilliant at her job, and such a caring person. Kind of like you. I fucked up with her. I wouldn't say there were...romantic feelings between us, but I did care for her a lot more than I reasonably should've for just another friends with benefits situation."

You let the lead settle in your throat, and doubts begin to flood your mind. Were you just a Kiyoko replacement in more senses than one? Were you supposed to be another heartless fuck to Rintarou? You bite down on your tongue to keep down your questions and let him continue.

"It went on for a while, I think it was almost a year. Yeah, about. We weren't exclusive or anything, so I wasn't upset that she met other people. Actually, I encouraged her to date others, because I knew she deserved better than a quickie in a dressing room."

Your brain kind of lagged. Had Kiyoko sought out other men, while actively having sex with Rintarou? Did she stop fucking him if she decided to go on a second date? There were so many minor questions that made your head spin. A sick part of you also tried to imagine them, sharing secret smiles and touches under the table. You quickly shake away that thought.

"Two months ago, Kiyoko was offered a job in the States with a performance company. Very famous. She'd do good there on a team of artists, and she wouldn't be over-working herself. She's probably putting makeup on famous artists as we speak, actually."

You knew Kiyoko was good, you'd be stupid not to. You weren't directly involved with all the drama surrounding makeup artists before joining the band, but you had heard her name. She was known for her signature smokey eye, and talent to apply "messy" makeup that didn't run during performances. Very good for bands with...a more sexual appeal.

"She didn't want to take the opportunity, or at least, she told us she didn't, but we all knew she did. She just didn't want to feel like she was 'betraying' us or something. Eventually, Kita just emailed the company back for her and sent her off, I guess. He was always looking out for her best interests, like he does for you."

It almost made you smile. You knew Kiyoko was nice, she was friends with Yachi after all, but it still had you thinking. She wasn't going to take the opportunity of a lifetime, because she didn't want to leave some silly boys? ... Would you end up like that too? Would you jeopardize your future?

Rintarou hand drags down his face, and your own hands settle uncomfortably in your lap.

"I didn't like her...not like I like you. I like you a lot more, Y/N," you blushed, and you could tell what he meant, under those awkward heavy words was a sweet 'i love you'. "But I still cared for her, deeply. I wanted the best for her, but it still hurt. For a while, she was my best friend, and I know it wasn't her choice to leave, necessarily, but she left, and she never looked back."

Your head rose, confusion clear on your face. With furrowed brows, you ask, "She...never called or anything?"

Rintarou shrugs. "She did the first few times, to let us know she was settled in but then she never called again. She's come back and visited her other friends, I know that, but she hasn't said a word to any of us. I...I can't help but think it's because of me, in some way."

His eyes are a bit wet, and you know he's trying to hide a lot of how he feels. You cup his face, rubbing beneath his eye and catching a tear on the pad of your thumb.

"It's okay to cry. You have the right to be upset. I don't know...why she stopped talking to you, but I'm sure she has her reasons. However questionable they may be. But I'm here now, and I don't want to be a replacement. I'm Y/N, not Kiyoko."

He groans, burying his face in your palm. He lets out a wet shaky breath against your hand, hands gripping your wrist. "I-I know you're different. I don't want you thinking you aren't," he lifts his head, hazel eyes finding yours and searching for something, "I don't want to lose you. Ever."

"You won't," you say, "we just gotta play our cards right."

<- previous | next -> | masterlist

★ - kenma isn't a "tsundere" or anything, in my head, he's just not good with words and regrets what he says as soon as he texts it

★ - rintarou and you end up watching a movie together, so that's when you begin texting your friends

★ - kiyoko lore !! i am genuinely so sorry. you all prolly like hate me for this chapter being so lame for having such a big "reveal" or smth idk, but i have just been Burnt Out but this was the deal-breaker chapter and i promise you there will be more with her over the finale

✦ - Y/N is a small business owner, offering her services not only as a designer but an at-home makeup artist and cosmetic producer as well. She's perfectly content with her small life when she's approached by the manager of the INARIZAKI band, asking for her to fill the position of backstage artist on short notice. Needing the money, and wanting the experience, Y/N agrees. Little does she know of the fatal attraction she will share with the band's lead, Suna Rintarou.

taglist:

@mannaornot \ @gojoscumslut \ @sunarots \ @alienvarmint \ @tojirin \ @tkooooop \ @cheriesdear \ @shotenvinsoot \ @wolffmaiden \ @riiceandsoup \ @thebrownemo \ @vivian-555 \ @effmigentlywithachainsaw \ @rukia-uchiha-98 \ @weird0o0 \ @seiamor \ @rory-cakes \ @blue-violin \ @reveusecherie \ @hellokittylover9 \ @yourlocal-bunny \ @keniza \ @cerberuspuppy1 \ @baramii \ @kirbyscreeper \ @rioiio \ @noideawhothatis \ @ris-krispie \ @noideawhothatis \ @venusinx \ @arminseas \

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry bout this thing but I kinda wanted to tell my thoughts about your stuff. Im kind of hoping this will get drowned in your inbox honestly, since this is just a really long unsolicited rant of mine.

Sometimes when i scroll through your account and I encounter csa, incest and mentions of suicide in your posts I get uncomfortable but then I remember that one phrase that goes something like "Art should comfort the disturbed and disturb the comforted" and I just feel kinda bad bout myself.

When I was a kid my nannys bf forced me to kiss him in the lips whenever we met. I was 6. It was uncomfortable. I never did tell my nanny about it. My parents are both police people and my mother had long explained the concept of rape and how unconsensual touch is bad and you shouldnt allow that but something prevented me from telling anyone what was happening. I dont know why. I know they would immiedietly jail that guy if they did but somehow it felt like no one would believe me. I never told them until now, then when I was what, 6-8 years old? I cant even remember. Yeah somewhere around that, he molested me when my nanny was few feet away and asleep and for the next 4 years of my life i felt dirty. Desecrated. Stupid. I couldnt even look down at my naked body when i shower back then, but somehow I managed to trudge on living by trying to forget the fact it happened. Its been 8 years since Ive last seen him. Ive told anyone who I knew who doesnt care enough to be friends with me but cared enough to listen about it but my Parents are none the wiser and i plan on keeping it that way.

Also. Im a year away from being legal now. Ive thought about killing myself or just generally not wanting to exist anymore many times since then, cuz lifes equipped with motolov cocktails of "get fucked dumbass" and i somehow managed to get a coupon for at least a million of them.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

Coming back to the phrase i mentioned earlier, it feels weird whenever i feel something similar to the feeling of being triggered while looking at csa being depicted. By definition, i would be considered a victim, and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont. I see your art and it guts me. It guts me and the fact that it does also guts me, because what does that mean? I am supposed to be the comforted? Despite the fact that I was taken advantage of as a child and spent night after might thinking how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equiped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children? So i do I correspond more with those who are defined as comforted then, was i not disturbed after all? Was i victimizing myself all along? Am I a bad person for thinking i was? No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

And then it repeats.

I still go through your blog because well, i love tmnt, i love your artstyle, i love the way you tell stories, I love how you dont sugar coat csa, incest and other darker topics like body horror, erotism and sadism, i hate how much it haunts me, i love the fact i can relate, i hate how much you hurt them, i love the fact that you dont hold back, i love how you show the ugly sides of healing, i love how you depict how much people can change and struggle. Its comforting to me. Its discomforting to me. I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

And i like it. I like it somehow, like taking a nice smoke break when you have mild asthma, but like, better. Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

But yeah. Tldr. Sorry for the trauma dump and your art makes me feel complicated. Its neat 👍

lot to reply to here! also, unfortunately for you, i check my inbox obsessively and dont get nearly as many asks as you seem to believe i do.

so firstly, no snappy saying is meant to encompass all of human experience, and you certainly shouldn't judge yourself for not fitting into it. easier said than done, i know, but still. i'm gonna try to address some things here, not gonna touch on all of it, but just know that i appreciate you sitting down to write me this.

(I hope that line made you laugh if you read this).

it made me smile, but i laughed at this, because it's a very sweet look into you writing this. puts into perspective how, even though this is public, it was written TO me. like a letter in victorian times or something. that's sweet, i like that.

and id of course would be comforted by seeing similar experiences happen to people because relating to something usually induces a positive feeling. I dont.

you're making a lot of assumptions here that are kind of wild in that "this thought process was clearly designed by your mind to upset you specifically" sort of way. I mean, would you say this to literally anyone else when they feel uncomfortable or triggered about viewing media that relates to their trauma? There's really no telling what a survivor will feel comforted by and you aren't Doing It Wrong by having a different reaction.

there's a reason i tag it as "csa tw" and that's so people can AVOID it as well as search it up.

how stupid i was and why I let that happen to me even when I was equipped with the information that makes me less vulnerable than other children?

i know you recognize at the end of the thought process that this is not true, but i feel the need to reiterate: there is no such thing as being less vulnerable than other children through your own actions. you can try to equip kids with knowledge that might protect them, but that doesn't make them any less vulnerable.

my dad told me about rape and molestation all the time, but he never accounted for the kinds of scenarios i was actually the most likely to fall victim to, partly because i don't think he actually knew much about childhood sexual abuse, and partly because he was more obsessed with the idea of me being kidnapped and raped/murdered than he was about forms of sexual abuse he'd consider more "mild"

No wait, that doesnt make any sense at all. Its all wrong. Why am I so guilty about this? Why am i subjecting myself to this?

i can't answer that one, unfortunately. personally, i like to feel gutted, it's cathartic to me. might be something like that to you, based on how you go on to describe it, but you might also be doing some kinda self harm.

I stick hand into the fire knowing I would be burned, then I do.

saaaaame. i triggered myself into a breakdown in class once cuz i'd been reading fucked fanfiction before class and i got SAD lol.

Its a nice change of pace to feel so conflicted like this, its a nice change of pace to feel anything at all really.

we are shaking hands over this.

anywho, no need to apologize! i am glad, if nothing else, to provide you with a strange and upsetting experience that is not entirely bad.

I really do adore hearing how my stuff makes people feel. it's like, a solid one third of the reason i do this. i still make stuff that doesn't exist to be shown off but WOW showing shit off and getting a response feels FANTASTIC. like, i'm in your head now!! you have been CHANGED by my ART. it's maybe the best part of being alive.

[wewillbeseen-butnotbeheard]

in a non-hateful way… (please don’t take this to heart because it’s going to be hateful)

sometimes i just look at people on the internet in certain spaces and think “…stay in your own lane.” i used to lurk around transformation stuff for a while. only now does it seem really hard to not run into therians there.

maybe there’s a significant overlap, but i still think like… “…you don’t deserve this. you don’t get this. go away”. there is a lot of space for you, go act like an animal or something PLEASE god, let us engage with this without you. them being there feels like bragging somehow.

i feel like mourning the kind of body i can never have sometimes. them being around kills the mood so bad (not like i’d ever do anything but lurk in the space in question) some stuff would be mildly comforting but you see the artists profile and it’s like… this is useless now. fuck them i guess.

i bet this sounds like “HYPOCRISY” somehow but it’s really not. at all. moments like this make me realise that. i’m not a therian, if i was i would (see) myself as an animal and i do not. i SEE myself as being very fucking offended.

i feel like i take this a lot more seriously than a lot of people that are therians either way.

i approach the subject with a mild sense of somberness (I HAVE TO) i am rightfully discomforted when therians in specific interact with it with clear euphoria and wish fulfilment. i don’t think you deserve this, i think some of US normal human people take this infinitely more seriously than YOU ever will. find another medium for wish fulfilment.

i’d put this in the therian tags but it’d be interpreted as me trying to attack that entire community. but if you really have an opinion on anything i’m saying then come and fucking get me i don’t know.

i’m putting this out there with hopes that you can see where i’m coming from. i’m not spewing out random shit. ive noticed this for months and its been on my mind and i’ve PROBABLY mentioned it before. this is me explaining it properly and this is NOT me trying to harass the therian community. don’t take it to heart but do try and understand what i’m saying. (I’M RIGHT)

the overlap between them and furries is OKAY! but it goes too far and it fills me with the most searing hate. stay away from our shit you don’t deserve to touch it.

i was saying something similar a few months ago but that was more trying to antagonise furries than ACTUALLY talking about an issue that affects me. this is real

i’d be lying if i said ALL therians are annoying but THESE ones are. i bet its even more prevalent on here than it is on twitter/bluesky, i can just smell it

[lovesick-nagi]

okay, so ive made this throw away account to be able to respond to this,, will delete it once everything's worked out i guess?? not entirely sure,, and firstly id like to say that everything we're going to say isn't us trying to defend ourself,, what we did was fucked and wrong, end of story,, also im not actually going to comment on some of the things we did because i just genuinely dont know how nor do i remember any of it, and so i feel its safer this way for everyone im specifically going to be talking about our ex and why what they show isnt exactly,, trustworthy ( I am not calling them a liar however I do have proof from multiple sources that they aren't great and so I do not trust them in the slightest ),,, aswell as us trying to insult your identity also you only need to respond to this if you are comfortable, i truly dont wish to pressure you into anything you may be uncomfortable with

with our ex, specifically one of them however i truely don't wish for any harm to come to them so i will not be naming names, we have multiple people vouching on the fact they aren't a great individual,, aswell as us ourself having screenshots ( however it is just what i could get my hands on, as we closed our dm with them,, which does mean there is more that i cannot get ),,, if you'd like to learn more about this with screenshots and such id be happy to share if you reached out to us, as we physically cannot reach out to people

and with us trying to insult your identity,, that's not the case at all, we were trying to look out for you as fae/faer pronouns are extremely disrespectful to the fae and should be considered closed pronouns,, we were trying to look out for you so other people don't get aggravated with you for using them in the future,, the best way i can describe it is think of it as using a closed cultures practice with witchcraft, its extremely disrespectful and not something you can do, if that makes sense,, another example is how it's like shi/shir pronouns are only for intersex people,,, i do hope im explaining this well, if not i apologize for the confusion

i appreciate you for saying you forgive us, even though deep down i don't fully believe you,, nor do i even think you should forgive us as we really did hurt you,, we would be willing to get in contact to either talk this through or to showcase some proof we have, however yet again we ourself are incapable of reaching out

( also, the reason we may say things like "from what i've heard" or "what i understand" is truly because we don't remember anything but like,, one thing,, from our entire friendship )( also i should probably say that i didn't proof read this or anything, i definitely should have but i unfortunately didnt and its a tad to late for that now )

Hello again.....

So,, these two points to me are not really effective at all. First of all, you can provide any attempt at defaming your ex but that does not invalidate their experiences with you, which they have already provided proof of. Those are not lies or twisted in any way, it is just what you did. There is no denying that. Even if they were "untrustworthy", the proof is literally right there. I don't need to trust them to believe the factual proof they have presented.

I'm confused about how providing said proof of them being unreliable would prove anything,,, they've already provided logs and everything so they're not lying, and there are now four people having expressed their abusive experiences with you,, so what does trying to slander one of them do to make you look better ?? /gq Frankly, it's working more to do the opposite, because it shows you are still actively trying to blameshift and villanize others.

The reason they were not infact, "the best person", was because they were heavily impacted you and the terrible situation they were put in, and who wouldnt be ? They have since apologized to everyone they legitimately hurt during that time, the affected people accepted the apology, they made actions to better themselves, and have gotten into a better place. I cannot say the same for you.

No one has ever gotten "aggravated" because of my pronouns, which, for the last time, is because i have never used fae/faer in the first place. There was nothing TO be angered by, and there is no logical reason you could have ever said that as a mistake, as my correct pronouns are literally everywhere. It was just a purposeful misrepresentation of my identity, especially because you purposefully spelled them the wrong way. That spelling has never been listed anywhere on any of my socials and no one ever said them verbally. There was never room for misinterpretation.

Please do not try to mansplain closed things within being pagan or intersex, because I am both. If these are, as you say, "closed culture pronouns", even if I did use them, what culture are they closed to ? Pagans ? People who work with the fae ?? Hell, people of Irish heritage ???? I'm all of the above. This is ridiculous. I never even used those pronouns in the first place and there is literally nowhere you could have gotten that information from besides ignoring what my pronouns are actually listed as. There was literally no reason or justification for any of this.

Overall, these aren't even my main gripes with you. I'd say the main ones wereee...maybe getting physically abused for a year and sexually assaulted. Which you have still never apologized directly to me for, nor do I think any apology or excuse you would come up with could ever make better.

To my knowledge I have never claimed to forgive you. I said I forgive your exes, because they were also your victims, and their actions were influenced by that. I can understand were they came from, because we dealt with the same things from you. You are right to believe we wouldn't or shouldn't forgive you, we didn't ever claim to, and we never will.

You say you are physically unable to reach out, which confuses me as that is literally what you did by sending this. This ask is also not an anonymous one, meaning you can send images here, which you are free to do. I am interested in what you think would vindicate you in this situation, and would like to see.

You,, still could have proof read it, because you actively wrote down that you should have before you sent it, but okay. A small bit of advice, but as many of your askers constantly said, and you still have clearly not learned, you really should be more careful with what you say, especially in a situation as,, critical for you as this is. I look forward to seeing the supposed proof you have, feel free to try and prove me wrong with whatever you send in.