OKAY im posting this crappy wip kubosai one-shot because ive been lagging severely on writing... sorry if its cringe, its completely unedited rn</3
this is roughly 1800 words.. the actual wip is about 4000 LOL but i skipped a couple parts so this is about half the wip i guess..
Kusuo was sitting at his desk with his legs curled to his chest, glaring at nothing, when his phone dinged next to him. Already not in the best mood, he sneered as his eyes snapped over to the device. The noise had disturbed one of his favorite pastimes; being moody for no reason and doing nothing, and the bright light was equally disturbing. When he looked over, it also shone the time as "1:36am" which ruined his blissful unawareness of how long he'd been brooding. His unusually accurate internal clock could have told him that, really, but Kusuo would never pass up an opportunity to be mad about something stupid.
His eyes softened significantly when he caught sight of what the notification actually was. A text from contact name "Kuboyasu Aren" with no contact picture. Yeah, that was how Kusuo kept all his contacts. Super boring and super normal.
He clenched his teeth, trying to bring his anger from before back after realizing how much and how easily his mood lifted just reading his classmate's name.
His phone had gone back to a black screen before Kusuo could read the actual contents of the message, so he begrudgingly unfurled himself from his position with a heavy sigh. He planted his feet back on the floor just a bit too aggressively and swiped up his phone as he stomped over to his bed to flop himself down on it.
When he finally turned his phone back on, the notification read “3m ago” and he clicked on it.
The message read, “hey princess when u wake up do u wanna hangout ??!? could i come overrr tomorrow please”
Annoying lack and misuse of punctuation, but Kusuo has learned that this tends to be the norm in texting, especially with other teenagers. In all fairness, the way Kusuo texts isn't very conventional either. He made fun of Toritsuka’s severe overuse of emojis once, and then immediately got ganged up on by all of the self proclaimed ‘PK psychickers’ because he tends to overuse emoticons in the same way. He doesn't know how else to express himself over text, alright? He learned to text only from his mom, Akechi, and Aiura and this is just how it turned out.
And for your information, the stupid princess pet name was just some silly thing Kuboyasu had gotten in the habit of doing lately. Trust Kusuo when he says it's much more embarrassing when he says it out loud, especially at school, than when he texts it, though knowing that his name in Kuboyasu’s contacts was “My Princess :)” was probably even worse.
Anyway, Kuboyasu had clearly made the assumption that Kusuo would be sleeping at this hour. Well, usually he would be. Kusuo LOVES getting his sleep in, but he just so happened to have taken a very long nap earlier that day, so he had a late dinner, and subsequently a late dessert. So, his usually abnormally fast metabolism hadn't quite been rid of all the sugar and caffeine he'd consumed not long ago. A series of unfortunate events, really, which culminated in him not being tired enough to sleep yet. At least he got to get in his usual ‘angrily staring at nothing for no reason’ time that he accidentally skipped because of his nap, although that did just get interrupted too.
So finally, he responded to Kuboyasu with, “I'm awake. (-.-;) Sure, I guess.”
Kuboyasu read the message and began typing unnervingly quickly after it was sent. “really ?!?!? also y r u awake lol i thought u would be asleep hours ago”
The poor guy probably wasn't expecting him to say yes immediately. Kusuo usually would argue about it for a bit before giving in to the teasing and pleading of his self proclaimed friends. It was way too late (/early) to play that game right now though, he knew he would just say yes in the end anyway. It had nothing to do with him actually wanting to see the dumb former punk who he had been unusually close with lately.
The taller boy just GOT him in a way other people never did. His undying loyalty and honesty was a refreshing contrast from many of the other people the psychic was often forced to be around. Loyal, honest, strong, romantic, protective. Not that those last few things affected the way he interacted with Kusuo or anything…
Kusuo replied again, “Yes. And I usually would be, but… too much caffeine. ( ̄^ ̄)”
Another quick response, “lol thats totally something u would do.. since ur up, r u down to call right now ?”
“To call? It's almost 2am. ಠ_ಠ Why are YOU awake anyway?”
“lol i know i know but im so bored… i just cant sleep.. we can be quiet on the call, but id like to hear ur voice right now :)”
Good grief, ew. How disgusting. “Hm… okay. ∩(。-_-。)∩”
(Don't you dare ask Kusuo why his internal monologue is so different from what he actually replies with. It's definitely not because he's an unreliable narrator who doesn't want to admit to himself or anyone that he actually wants to talk to a boy. Why would that be the case? Don't be dumb.)
Kusuo forgot to turn his ringer off before Kuboyasu could call him, so despite entirely expecting the phone call, the loud ringing startled him into dropping his phone on his face. How embarrassing, all-powerful psychic drops his phone on his face at almost 2am.
He scrambled to pick it back up and answer it so that the noise wouldn't wake up his parents. It would be really easy for him to just lull them back to sleep with his telepathy the second they wake up, but it would be inconvenient and his dad might complain in the morning. About either remembering waking up or just about not getting a good night’s sleep.
He finally clicked the answer button, luckily before his parents could wake up, and held back a sigh as he held the phone up to his ear.
“Hey, princess!” Kuboyasu was speaking in a whisper yell, probably also a room away from his sleeping parents.
“Hello.” He tried to speak in a way that wouldn't give away the fact that he was recovering from a smack to the face. Phone calls were a bit awkward for Kusuo, since microphones didn't pick up on his telepathy so he had to use his actual voice to speak over the phone. He always just hoped people wouldn't notice the extra rasp to his voice, but the late hour might work in his favor in this situation.
“So what have you been up to?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing? Up at 2 am and you're just sitting there, doing nothing?”
“Yes, that's exactly what I've been doing. What else is there to do at 2am?”
“Well, I've been making the most of MY time, personally.”
“And how have you been doing that, exactly?”
“Thinkin’ about you.”
“...”
“...”
“... *snort*” Okay, how could that NOT make him laugh? He took the phone slightly away from his face and laughed into his hand.
“What?? It's true!” The idiot couldn't hold back his laughter either.
“Yeah, yeah, okay… whatever, you're such a pain…”
“Yeah? Am I?”
“Yes.”
“And yet, you're here talking to me at 2 am just because I asked you to? Admit it, you love it.”
“Tch. You really need to get over yourself, you know that?”
“Well. Humor me for a bit longer, will you?”
“You're desperate.”
“For you.”
Kusuo muttered into his hand, “Oh my god.”
“I wish I could see your face right now, I know you're blushing.”
“Yeah, right. Not like you can prove that.”
“You want me to?”
“What do you mean?”
“You want me to come over there and check?”
Kusuo could hear the smirk in Kuboyasu’s voice. The jerk knew Kusuo couldn't say no to him. They both knew this game. Kusuo would deny him just for show, even though they both know he wants to say yes, and Kuboyasu would tease the truth out of him. Well, fine. Kusuo could play this game.
“You want to sneak out of your house and into mine at 2am just so you can check how successful your teasing is?”
“Mhm. Not just that, I would do anything to see my pretty princess’ face right now. I'm bored, you're bored, the only solution is for the knight to rescue the princess from this ailment, obviously.”
“You're an idiot.”
“You want to see me, I know it.” And he did. Kusuo could hear shuffling over the phone. That asshole was probably already putting his shoes on, knowing Kusuo would say yes. “What, you scared to prove me right? You don't want me to see your pretty pink face right now?”
… Kuboyasu was good at this game. He knows that husky voice is fucking irresistible. To Kusuo, at least. “... Okay, okay. Only so I can prove you WRONG.”
He knew Kuboyasu was smiling, but then the mood settled a bit. “You serious, Saiki? I know I'm messing with you, but I won't pressure you if you don't wanna sneak me in. I mean, that's kinda a lot to ask now that I'm thinkin’ about it. I really wanna see you, but I wouldn't make you do that.”
“Yeah, yeah, shut up, I've already made up my mind. Are YOU sure? You realize how late and dark it is, yeah? You can't just stroll the streets at 2 am, you're gonna get hurt.”
“Awee, you worried about me, princess? No need, your knight in shining armor can protect himself just fine.”
"... Fine. Just stay on the phone with me."
"Hm? While I walk?"
He figured Kuboyasu wouldn't want to have a conversation over the phone in favor of paying attention to his surroundings, but... Kusuo couldn't help but be nervous about his friend's safety at this hour. He just wanted to make sure he was fine the whole walk.
"We don't have to talk, just... stay on the phone with me..."
Kuboyasu snorted. "What, you gonna miss me in those, what, ten whole minutes?"
Kusuo scoffed quietly. "Don't be so full of yourself. I'm just making sure you don't trip and fall or something at 2am on the way to my house. Wouldn't want the blame to fall back on me." He somehow still managed to convey snark in his almost monotone voice despite his whisper.
Kuboyasu chuckled softly, as he snarked back teasingly, "You know I can take care of myself. Can't believe you're still worried about me~."
Kusuo did know that. It didn't change anything. And he WASN'T worried, he just knew that his various nuisances tended to get into trouble when he wasn't there to monitor them. He was always getting them out of trouble even in broad daylight, so there was absolutely no reason to think that walking alone in the middle of the night would prove to be an exception.
"Just shut up and don't hang up, alright?"
He heard the quiet creak of a door closing and shutting, barely drowning out Kuboyasu’s attempt at muffling his laughter. "Alright, sweet boy. I'm right here."
-
EWWWW CRINGEE EW THEY HAVE COOTIES
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I have so many characteristics that make me feel like dating would be absolutely impossible to do and navigate, because they're such undesirable things that no one wants. i
if someone DOES want/are ok with them, there's so few of those people that they either already found someone, or they're out of my reach/we'll never meet. and that's if THEY match what I want as well, which then makes that pool even smaller.
i'm autistic. i'm asexual/aromantic. i'm trans/nonbinary. all things that make dating extraordinarily difficult to begin with.
i'm also not smart, rich, socially acceptable, or conventionally useful. i'm not physically attractive/don't match societal standards. i'm not likable to most people and can't even make or keep friends. my interests are very weird and niche, and it's hard to find people who share them.
if I can't figure out how to make and keep friends, how am I ever supposed to date? that's many levels ahead of where I am, almost end game. i'm at level 0. the tutorial level. except my tutorial glitched out before I even started and won't work. so I can't advance.
yes, I have good characteristics that people would be lucky to have (like loyalty, willingness to communicate, honesty, going out of my way to be there for people I care about, etc) but those things don't overshadow the ones above. first impressions kill me. my most noticeable traits kill me again. I can't lie or mask. no one gets to the smaller "good" traits or they simply aren't ever enough.
this is why I never tried to date and never even thought about it until now. I gave up before even starting because I knew it would be a dead end, a waste of time and energy.
i'm going to complain further under here, despite already making like 10 posts about the exact same bullshit:
"until now." so, I need someone who lives in canada to date me so I can move there from US and be with the only supportive people I have in my life lmao. my closest friends, my found family, who meet my needs, respect my boundaries, go out of their way to help me, and reciprocate everything mutually and equally. they actually want me in their lives. it's not one-sided, for the first time in my life. I don't question their motives or loyalties like every other friend I had in my life. it's genuine and real and they've stuck with me for like idk 5 years now? meeting irl (which usually ends my friendships for some reason...I guess people don't like me after meeting me outside of my internet persona?) it was solidified even more that we are the found family i've been wanting and needing my whole life. why do they have to be in a different country that has an extremely strict policy for being allowed to move there?!
so back to the dating thing a big problem is that I have too many barriers that I can't hide that make people uninterested or dislike me. I also can't control other people. people are unreliable and difficult as hell.
throw on top wanting to date someone specifically to move countries and they might question MY loyalties and think i'm only using them. when actually, I genuinely also want someone who can be part of our found family and be my life partner.
unfortunately, I know it will probably never happen, since it's not even about "trying" or "not giving up." I literally don't know how to try to find someone. like where to look?? social medias are collapsing and I get ignored everywhere. dating apps are for more hookups, polys, cheaters, and bots/catfish than real partnerships. I have no clue how to make people like me because who i am hasnt done me any favors ever in my life. waiting around for someone to come to me first just wastes my time! plus i'm picky as hell and can't accept just anyone.
people keep telling me "keep waiting you'll find The One! don't give up! I was in a similar position and i found someone!" that doesn't help me. it doesn't give me hope or whatever. I prefer actual helpful things like "I'll help you get there!" if you want to "help." I prefer to look at things realistically and live in the moment. not a future I can't see. and in this moment i'm stuck in a shitty anti-lgbt state with unsupportive and unaccepting family who don't treat me very well and no irl friends i can trust and rely on. no one can say that will for certain change in the future. things don't always magically change for the better and if you aren't prepared for that, you'll always be stuck in one place, waiting. i'm not being negative. it's more dynamic than that. it's more "I need an alternative in case this truly is a dead end." i'm simply not getting my hopes up for disappointment and fooling myself into believing that doing nothing and waiting will help, while life passes me by.
but I also can't do anything. because I don't know how/what to do
and by can't do anything I don't mean in life in general. I mean about getting out of my parents house so I can be free from them and fond a safe and comfortable place. I can't afford it alone obviously. I unfortunately need other people on my life, as much as i wish i could be a lone gremlin human and never need others. and that's the part I have no clue how to do. if the only humans who want me aren't attainable, then what? i've tried for over a decade and only had failures because people are unreliable and turn on me without warning, after i'm the only one who puts effort into trying to help us escape our situations. i'm TIRED. I can't keep trying to do everything alone and end up hurt and betrayed by fake friends. i'm so tired.
(if anyone reads this, don't try to comfort me because it won't work. if you relate, you can share that because that's fine. if you want to help me by being a candian who can sponsor me to move there then that's even more acceptable 🤣 if you find you cant stand me after im permanently there, i'll appreciate your help and let you go lmao)
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