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j-1z · 3 years

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xdinary heroes personality/vibe check reading & channeled songs

disclaimer: all of my readings are for entertainment purposes only and should be taken with a grain of salt, as these idols are strangers.

this reading was done on jan. 17th, 2022. i used the ‘tarot of a moon garden’ deck for this reading. i also pulled up their birth charts as extra guidance

GROUP VIBES seven of swords, judgment, high priestess REV, two of cups, ace of staffs, empress REV

- vinta - crumb i stay inside of this pale white room / i feel trapped, my mind, the impending doom - we looked like giants - death cab for cutie and i held you closer than anyone would ever guess - love song for the haters - fleece something 'bout today / makes me feel okay / that you're gone

Xdinary Heroes is a very fresh-faced and bright-eyed group - understandable because they literally just debuted. They are being very closely watched at this time and it’s likely to be a positive outcome if they are working hard, and it really seems that they are working their asses off behind the scenes. Evaluation to make sure they are doing well - trial period. They’re all incredibly enthusiastic and creative - if they are allowed to work together and create their own music, it will point them in a great direction, careerwise. They are all more than capable of doing so.

The dynamic within the group, overall, is one that is very close, almost Stray Kids close - everyone gets along, despite occasional conflicts of interest. Everything they do is out of love for each other and because they really want each other to succeed. They have all found a group of people that they can lean on - there’s a real give and take, they all support each other through their hardships, and they have all been through a lot.

I believe they have already been made aware of how corrupt the kpop scene really is and didn’t exactly realize just how bad it really is. I picked up on a lot of dishonesty and manipulation - “get-rich-quick” schemes - I wonder if that is how they see their debut song and have seen exactly what netizens have been saying about it. I think Studio J might have already screwed them over as well. Some members desperately want to say something about it, but because of contract and whatnot, they can’t. They are in a state of figuring out if this is really what they want to do. They have been so busy and neglecting their own needs and it almost feels for naught - XH wants to perform and showcase just what they have, they’re giving their all on one song, and I think it irks the shit out of a lot of the members.

GUNIL ace of swords REV, nine of swords (side), five of swords, the world, six of cups REV, temperance, queen of cups, seven of staffs what is the conflict he is so stressed about? justice, three of swords. betrayal? ten of swords

- my year in lists - los campesinos!! my year in lists / stomping on your fingers as you're clinging on to the abyss - you wouldnt know - zac crook i got mad but i didn’t tell you / i’ve gotten real good at that - different state of mind - kid bloom i'm swimming in my head / mouth so dry, I could crack my tongue / jaw hanging like an accordion / let's hope nobody stares

Gunil is super cut out to be a leader - he’s incredibly caring and nurturing and wants what’s best for his members, a really great team player. Very likely to put others before him and make everyone feel at home. The members, in return, make him feel like he belongs, it’s a real nice give-and-take. Very sensitive to others needs - you know that meme where there’s a couple at McDonald’s and one of the orders are wrong? And the boyfriend is like “it’s fine, I’ll still eat it” and the girlfriend is like “HE SAID NO PICKLES.” Anyway, that’s any of his loved ones and Gunil. He’s good at getting people out of their shells and is very patient.

He’s dealt with a lot in his life, a lot more than he has already mentioned, I believe. It’s made him grow up considerably, he’s very mature about most things. It’s also made him almost hyper-independent, some feel that’s a fault, but I think it’s what’s most comfortable for him at times.

Already, Gunil is so stressed, it’s kind of crushing him. I think he is the most pissed off about what he has already witnessed and he fears confrontation, but it also kills him to not say anything about it. He also has a hard time with communicating his feelings and I think it’s because he’s very blunt and leans towards “tough love,” but it comes off as being a bully. It doesn’t help that he has a very strong presence and can be intimidating without even trying. He’s more likely to stand up for others than himself - he’s incredibly protective of those he cares about, but is afraid to rock the boat for himself and will then kick himself because he didn’t advocate for his own needs. He also tends to take on others' emotions as his own - he’s very sensitive to a fault and needs to learn how to differentiate between what he feels vs. what others feel.

I believe he mentioned that he is very self conscious and that is super apparent here - he really is his own worst critic, which comes up often in people who are very creative and talented. He overthinks to the point where he misses out on opportunities, self-sabotage is a huge theme here. He’s a little too self aware and it gets him in trouble. Gunil is also nostalgic, but to a fault - the type to ruminate on past problems or on when times were “better” and it makes him spiral at times. He can really benefit from cutting himself some slack and also advocating for himself.

I picked up on some of the stress being related to feeling betrayed and someone not being honest. I elaborate on this in one of the other readings, but right now he is really heartbroken over something and is hoping no one notices.

JUNGSU death, the moon REV, temperance, chariot REV, the world, five of cups REV. why lacking motivation? queen of swords REV

- what you know - two door cinema club and I can taste it / it's my sweet beginning - i follow you - melody’s echo chamber i need someone / to be close remember / my own demons / sneak under my pillow - soft sounds from another planet - japanese breakfast that's not the way to hurt me / i'll show you the way to hurt me

Everything Jungsu does has a purpose - he has a lot of gentle power within the group. Truly lives up to the mom nickname. He’s really kind and nurturing, an incredibly good team player - really enjoys being a part of a group and thrives when he can work with others. Jungsu feels like he really belongs in this group - they help him figure himself out and he does the exact same in return. I pulled the World for Gunil as well - I believe the two of them help each other the most, but both of them make others feel like they truly belong and really bring the group together.

It feels like he’s been through a lot and he was not lying about being anxious LOL. He relies way too much on the opinion of others and he’s well aware of it, but it’s hard for him to break out of it because he seems to have been dealing with it for a long time. It’s getting to the point where he is avoiding basically living his life because of everyone else’s opinion - he has no motivation and is losing the determination he once had. He needs to be a bit more assertive and remember that everyone is going to have an opinion, doesn’t mean he has to take it to heart. Jungsu has a lot of opportunities ahead, regardless of what people say about him - keep looking forward and the anxiety will continue to dwindle with time.

GAON queen of cups, seven of swords, hermit REV (why? five of swords REV, two of swords REV), knight of staffs, eight of staffs REV, four of staffs REV

- c u girl - steve lacy i wanna please you girl - lebanese blonde - thievery corporation a half a million thoughts / are flowing through my mind - art school crush - nnamdii - i love a girl who doesn't care for me / i'll still tell the world that we were meant to be

Gaon has such a big heart and is very romantic - if I remember correctly, he has a Pisces mars and it is so apparent. The type to romanticize the shit out of his life LOL. He has a lot of warmth and compassion for those around him, very sympathetic. Another one who will patiently wait and encourage someone to open up when they’re ready. He’s also quite the go-getter, very charming and self-confident, he knows how to get what he wants.

Needs to be really careful with being manipulative and using his charms in a not good way - he’s very capable of doing so. The type to exaggerate how great things are when he feels really poorly about it, in order to avoid rocking the boat, so manipulative without necessarily realizing it. I picked up on him feeling lonely and isolated as of right now - he is holding a grudge over something because he had to compromise. I feel like this is another Day6 sitch where a member was told to learn a new instrument because someone else is playing the instrument he already knows. I don’t think it was decided until their debut that he would play rhythm guitar vs. lead and he was quite pissed about it, but simply didn’t mention it, everyone thought he was fine with it. This came to a head recently and everyone found out just how upset he was over it (maybe he went over everyone’s heads and complained) and they’re all like “ok literally why didn’t you say anything we could have worked this out.” And now there’s a bit of a rift within the group, more so between him and Gunil - Gunil feels he should’ve just come to him and spoken to him, especially since it has been made clear among all of them that they can do that.

Now, he’s very frustrated because his complaining created a lot of delays and at this point, he needs to just get over it and learn to work with his team. I don’t believe he has ill-intentions towards the members and if anything, he feels pretty bad about it, especially since no one’s really angry with him, just disappointed. This was a moment of being a bit self centered and jumping the gun. He’s feeling super unwelcome - in the future, he needs to communicate and trust that his members only have his best interest in mind.

O.DE ace of cups, six of pentacles REV, seven of staffs REV, hanged man REV, queen of staffs REV, five of cups, four of swords, queen of swords

- the body is a blade - japanese breakfast the body is a blade that moves while your brain is writhing / knuckled under pain you mourn but your blood is flowing - venus as a boy - bjork he's Venus as a boy / he believes in a beauty and gentle - cult of dionysus - the orion experience yesterday I heard you say / your lust for life has gone away / it got me thinking, I think I feel a similar way / and that's sad

Currently, he is definitely basking in their debut, he’s really excited and in good spirits about it, looking forward to what’s to come for them in the future. O.de is very much a free spirit and has grown to be very much the way that he is - he won’t allow anyone to change that. He’s very encouraging to those he cares about, I feel like he’s the second mother of the group LOL, or maybe the wild aunt. Very gentle and considerate, super good listener, he tries his best to boost the morale of those around him who are sad. He can be a bit hot-headed and has a tendency towards jealousy, specifically towards people who seem to get things handed to them - he feels like he has to work extra hard to get what he wants.

I get this feeling that O.de is an incredibly complex person, more so than he will ever let on. On the surface, he can appear really aloof, but when you get to know him he’s incredibly warm and caring to those around him. I think he can be really obvious about how he’s feeling deep down if you look close enough. Has a tendency to give way too much of himself without meaning to - people take advantage of his kindness and he’s in a cycle where that keeps happening. He’s a mediator kind of character, I think others rely on him to make peace in group situations and it gets exhausting. O.de has gotten to a point where he stalls and just won’t make a move to help out because he’s kind of sick of being the mediator.

He deals a lot with chronic stress and anxiety - he focuses on the negative a lot, another one who is their own worst critic. He’s fiercely independent and withdraws into himself when he’s upset, which leads to him feeling lonely. I think at times he can feel like a machine, where he feels so upset but has to keep going for whatever reason, without dealing with how he feels. He can really benefit from letting others in when he’s overwhelmed and allowing himself to actually feel as optimistic as he lets on.

JUNHAN strength, seven of pentacles, queen of cups, knight of cups REV, knight of swords, nine of staffs, eight of swords REV (flew out, saw it upright but landed in REV)

- get up - sleater-kinney (bunch of sleater kinney songs played) and when the body finally starts to let go / let it all go at once / not piece by piece / but like a whole bucket of stars / dumped into the universe - little miss - bôa she's gonna scare you with her passion - recently played - crumb try to relate, predict your fate / now is the time, passing you by

4/6 cards all relate to perseverance - I get this feeling Jun Han has been through a lot, but has learned to believe in himself and simply keep going, it’s really admirable. I think he’s well aware of just how much he has grown and he’s reaping the benefits of all the hard work he’s put into himself. I don’t think anyone really expected him to open up as much as he has, but he realized that sitting and doing nothing and staying in the background wasn’t really going to get him anywhere. He seems rather “all or nothing,” so slowly opening up just wasn’t an option.

A lot of inner, quiet strength from this kid, he works hard and well under pressure. Team-player, very open minded and compassionate, the type to bring others up when they’re down, a really, super warm energy. I think it’s hard to shake his optimism these days. Jun Han has a big heart and it doesn’t seem like others take advantage of that, mostly because he doesn’t always let people in. He just seems to have an understanding of what everyone is going through, whether he’s experienced it firsthand or not. Very focused on what he wants and will stop at literally nothing in order to get it.

He‘s very sensitive and caring, almost to a fault - can be a little moody and will avoid conflict heavily when he’s in a bad mood. Generally, he has no issue with being assertive and can sometimes be a bit overkill, but if he’s upset, he just shuts down. Jumps to conclusions a lot, which also adds to his moodiness, can really benefit from healthy confrontation if something really bothers him. Has a tendency to romanticize life a little too much and can seem very disconnected - living in daydreams.

I also picked up on the feeling of betrayal here, but he has a lot of hope that things will get fixed. Very forgiving.

JOOYEON knight of staffs, three of cups, page of pentacles REV, five of pentacles, knight of cups REV, sun REV (first three cards came out in rapid succession)

- i feel fantastic - riovaz and it's awful / you're not the samе like you were - cat & dog - txt (THIS MAN IS GOOFY) feels like Cinderella i change / from a kitty I turn into your own Jindo dog - end of the road - noga erez i did it for the PR, i did it for the fear i did it knowing there's a D'animal pack in the back of the fridge - sensitive - dreamer isioma i'd never sell out for a check, you stupid motherfucker

Jooyeon is very much who he is and is unwilling to let anyone change his mind. Others might view him as reckless or impulsive, but he sees himself as someone who just keeps moving and grabs the bull by the horns. Very cut out for being in the public eye, incredibly charming and self-confident, a lot of how he acts on camera is just a played-up version of how he is. He’s very creative and capable of doing whatever he puts his mind to. He’s really enjoying working with the group and they return the sentiment - they give him a chance to really be himself and share his ideas and all in all, it’s a lot of fun for him. Jooyeon feels like he has found a group of ride or dies, essentially.

He is probably the least mature out of the entire group in most aspects - he’s quite vain, very aware of just how attractive he is and will use that to his advantage. Another one who tends to overly romanticize life, head in the clouds. Procrastinates a lot, believes he can pull it together at the last second and usually he does, but that’s not a good way to function, especially within a group setting. I think it irritates the people around him. Also a bit lazy, which leads to him procrastinating so much. He needs to strike while the iron is hot and take advantage of the opportunities that are presented to him.

I get this impression that the excess enthusiasm he exudes is how he copes with heavy emotions. Underneath everything, he is struggling with something akin to a blanket of snow, heavy and suffocating, but incredibly quiet - he keeps it under wraps well. He has a Scorpio moon and based on what I believe his rising sign is, he also has Pluto in the 1st house; his emotions are huge and it makes both him (and certain people around him) rather uncomfortable, and he can be quite moody. At times, he feels alienated and it’s really just his own feelings - the members do nothing but include him and he enjoys their company, but I don’t think he’s ever quite felt like he belongs anywhere. He could really benefit from not making himself smaller (or in this case, larger than life) to make everyone comfortable - the more you give to others without doing for yourself, the more you will suffer.

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usernamesuggestionsarefunny · 3 years

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“Imagine” thinking we need to explain ourselves for enjoying different things in fantasy. It is almost as if all people were different and had diverse tastes or some crazy shit.

Personally I couldn’t give less of a fuck about dragons and battles and action and whatever the fuck repetitive violent stuff that also happens in real life either way if there was not an aesthetic/romantic/poetic archetype of it all in the world to balance it out, which Sansa represents better than any other ASOIAF character, albeit with realistic flaws and substance to make her more interesting. She is in fact something a lot of modern fantasy is missing because characters such as her are considered “insipid”, “less serious”,“childish”, “too Disney-like to market to adults and fantasy dudebros” or whatever, but this lack of “cutesy hopeful dreamers” per say just makes fantasy nowadays soulless and generic as hell for me. There are, on the other hand, no shortage of characters like @rya or J@n in fantasy, so a better question would be why are their stans so cliché? Except I know there is more depth and substance to them both.

Also, imagine being such of a piece of shit lmao

Sansa stans talking about @rya’s future: “I hope she travels the world/has lots of adventures/maybe marries Gendry/has a job where she advocates for the small folk etc etc.”

@rya stans talking about Sansa’s future: “Oh, I can’t wait to see Sansa fans suffering as they watch their favorite character and all they love about her completely ruined by having her murder a child in cold blood, which she totally is about to do in canon” (Sure Jan) “I can’t wait for her to be stuck in a loveless marriage and become an adulterer, that will teach the Jonsas, muah ha ha! I can’t wait for them to see how horrible she totally canonically is!”

Like, calm down you insufferable assholes.

#anti arya stans #sansa stark defence squad #pro sansa stark #sansa stark

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ellewriteswrongs · 3 years

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picking favorites (a @tsbandau drabble)

if y’all aren’t emotionally invested in @underdog-arts ‘s band au, idk what y’all are even doing /j

anyway, here’s a wholesome family drabble insp. by the band au and my (not-so) subtle obsession with remus and janus. also subbing to their patreon is the best $5 i’ve probably ever spent, no joke

“Honey, you can still pick up Ry, right?” Janus called down the hallway, carrying a basket of laundry on each hip before depositing them in the hallway to put away later. Remus was seated in their shared office catching up on emails as Janus began packing up leftover pasta into containers to take to their show scheduled that night.

“I told you I got ‘em,” he agreed, banging the last clumps of his protein shake into his mouth with the heel of his hand. “I’m gonna’ jog to V’s and grab the van.”

Janus nodded to themself out of instinct before faltering, their brow furrowing.

“Wait—Re, that’s like three miles,” they challenged, dumping the dirtied dishes into the sink. “Just take the fucking car.”

Remus’ snort laugh was audible from down the hallway.

“They asked for the van!” Remus cackled. “And I, for one, do not disappoint. Apparently making my kid’s friends think they’re cool is worth a three-mile jog.”

Janus rolled their eyes, albeit fondly. This was, unfortunately, not news.

Riley was having an…interesting phase. It wouldn’t be abnormal for kids their age if it weren’t for the fact that their parents were ridiculously competitive, and all of their parents’ friends were eager to get in on it.

As soon as Remus attended career day in Riley’s first grade classroom, resulting in the entire class of six-year-olds marveling at the fact that their friend’s dad was a “rock star.”

Janus loved that conversation over dinner that night.

They weren’t jealous. No, in fact, it was probably overdue for Riley to have a bit of a “Daddy’s kid” phase, considering how joined at the hip they were with Janus for multiple years now. But they wanted to win.

Riley could make their own decisions about picking a favorite parent. As long as that decision was Janus.

“You’ve gone so-oft,” they sing-songed, smirking as Remus appeared in the kitchen behind them, wrapping one hand around their hip and pressing a kiss to their temple. “Ry’s got you wrapped around their finger.”

Remus have a flash of his crooked grin.

“Yeah, well…at least I know where they get that from.”

Janus rolled their eyes, trying to hide their reddening face.

“Sap,” they grumbled fondly. “Hurry up and get on with your run before you’re late to pickup. And tell V I said hey.”

Remus gave an exasperated chuckle and affirmation, but pocketed his keys and wallet nonetheless.

The jog to Virgil’s apartment wasn’t a particularly strenuous three miles, being downtown and all, and Remus was far from out of shape. Still, three miles was three miles—especially in the late afternoon sun. Needless to say, Virgil wasn’t thrilled to have a giant sweaty man on his doorstep, but he handed over the keys nonetheless.

The van was old, still clinging to its axels from when Remus himself purchased it from an old neighbor and declared it the band’s “tour bus.” It was nice enough at the time, especially for the price he paid, but it certainly wasn’t still around for anything more than sentimental value.

Mainly just Remus refusing to get rid of it.

That, and the fact that, for whatever reason, Riley thought it was the coolest thing ever.

The drive wasn’t long, only the sitting in traffic of other parents in minivans trying to get into the school parking lot. He…wasn’t a fan of that part of being a parent, that’s for sure. He could do without any other parents, thank you very much, but at least it was fun to see how obvious all of them were in their distaste of both him and Janus, compared to how much their kid absolutely adored them.

A fact that was only proven when Remus eventually made it to the parking lot and exited his van, only to be met with ear-splitting squeal of “daddy!” and an armful of six-year-old.

He can’t deny how, even after all these years, the title still makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Like…he is a dad. That’s his kid! How fucking rad is that!

He happens to spot a few other parents, along with some of Riley’s friends that he recognizes, and he offers a quick wave with the hand that isn’t mussing up his kid’s hair.

“You brought the van,” Riley points out with a toothy grin that Remus can’t help mirroring. He can’t help the knot in his throat when he spots the gap in their teeth from their first ever lost tooth—which only meant they were getting much too old and Remus would really appreciate it if they would slow the fuck down.

“I told you I would, didn’t I?” Riley nods, bouncing on Remus’ hip just a bit out of excitement. “I gotta’ warn you though, JJ’s getting pretty jealous.”

Riley laughs before sticking out their tongue and making a fart noise in Remus’s face.

Remus is, for the thousandth time, bewildered at how Riley couldn’t possibly be more like Janus if they tried. And mostly smitten. He has the coolest kid on Earth, after all.

“They can suck my butt!” Riley squeals and Jesus Christ, Remus is going to have a heart attack right there in the parking lot. He’s gonna’ have to grill Jan again to make sure those two aren’t secretly biologically related.

“Hey, your words not mine, squirt,” he smirks, opening the van door and strapping them into the car seat. “And your early bedtime if you let JJ hear any of that.”

He finishes with a pinch on their nose before closing the van door and getting back in the driver’s seat.

Riley, as soon as the radio turn on, starts protesting very aggressively to listen to “your songs, daddy! Play your songs!”

Thankfully, he has a CD burned with some of their…cleaner songs for that exact purpose.

Riley, for lack of a better word, was ‘singing’ along at a volume that Remus would’ve otherwise found hilarious and impressive if it wasn’t right in his ear. Still, there was a certain fondness that came with watching his kid’s excitement over his work—something that, as usual, was paired with thrashing within the confines of a car seat and headbanging their little heart out.

Along the drive Remus made every attempt to stop the barrage of the screamo singer in the making, but all were ultimately unsuccessful. At least…until he pointed out one particular building out of a strip mall assortment.

“Hey, you see that store right there? The one with the red sign?” He spoke up, catching Riley’s eager attention in an instant. They placed both hands on the van window to look out.

“What is it?” They asked, squinting to try and read what was on the sign.

“You know the snake on my leg?” Riley nodded, quieting down. “That’s where JJ took me to get it.”

They paused, seemingly putting some pieces together in their head.

“How come you only have one?” They asked, still kicking their legs against their seat. “JJ has lots, how come you don’t have lots too?”

Remus chuckled, continuing along the road as the light turned green.

“‘Cause I don’t need another one. They’re very expensive, you know.”

“Is it ‘cause you’re a wimp?”

Remus choked on his own spit.

“N-no,” he choked out, laughing. “No I’m not, I just think it looks better this way.”

He didn’t bother looking into the backseat to see what Riley thought of that answer, but if the return to karaoke that followed was any indication, they were not impressed. Still, he’d probably take the teasing over the screaming, but kids are kids.

Even as they pulled into their driveway, Remus had to strategically dodge Riley’s flailing limbs in order to un-fasten the seatbelts on their car seat and actually get them in the house. Apparently the music was not as vital to the ‘sing-along’ as he’d hoped it was when he turned the car off.

“Alright, alright, calm those legs down before you knock my teeth out, will ya’?” Remus teased, placing Riley on his shoulders where they instantly took fistfuls of his hair to hold on. Riley toned down the velocity, but otherwise did not stop. “Careful, squirt, if you wanna’ kick so bad, I’m signing you up to play soccer.”

Riley stopped almost instantaneously, gripping Remus’ hair even tighter as they headed back inside the house, Riley’s tiny backpack slung around Remus’ forearm.

“Nooo,” they wailed, half punctuated by laughter that echoed through the house.

“What are we complaining about?” Janus spoke, leaning against the doorway across the room with a fond smile.

“He said if I kick him in the teeth I have to play soccer,” Riley whined, attempting to climb down from Remus’ shoulders on their own. Janus snorted a laugh before swiftly crossing the room to collect their child and place them on their hip.

“Wow, your daddy’s so mean,” Janus agreed, raising a challenging eyebrow as they stood in front of their husband. Remus pouted before bending down to steal a kiss.

“Gross,” Riley giggled, pressing a hand on each of their parents’ faces to separate them.

“Gross?” Janus smirked. “Well in that case, maybe your dad was being a bit unfair.”

Riley turned to Remus to stick out their tongue at him.

“I mean, soccer? That’s just ridiculous,” Janus continued, a mischievous glint in their eyes. “We’ll obviously have to sign you up for football instead. A punt like that has got to be put to good use.”

Riley immediately went back to their dramatized complaining, this time reaching desperately for Remus to get him to take them back from Janus—to which Remus just held up his hands in mock innocence.

“No can do, kid,” he smirked. “The punishment has to fit the crime, after all.”

Riley continued their attempts to wiggle out of Janus’ unyielding grip.

“Never!” They declared, trying a different approach of reaching over Janus’ shoulder to escape from behind. “I won’t! I won’t do it, I promise!”

Remus and Janus both knew they wouldn’t actively try to hurt either of them, but sometimes it was just more fun to assert rules when it came with shrieking laughter and climbing their parents like a jungle gym.

“Well, now you know where we stand,” Remus spoke in false authority, reaching for one of Riley’s tiny shoes and holding it up to address it as if it were in control of their legs. “I better not see you around these parts again, ya’ hear?” He added in an over-the-top western accent, gesturing to his face.

Riley squealed with laughter as he held out his hand for a handshake and they shook it with their accused foot.

“Alright, alright, you two,” Janus intervened with fond exasperation. “Snacks are on the counter, take it or leave it.”

Riley whipped their head around to peer into the kitchen, cheering when they spotted two plates on the kitchen counter, each with a toaster waffle piled high with blueberries.

“Second…breakfast!” They cheered, drumroll-ing on their leg before whooping and slinking out of Janus’ grip and climbing up onto the kitchen barstools. Remus, giving a fond eye-roll at the enthusiasm, turned to drape his arms over Janus’ shoulders from behind, perching his chin on top of their head.

“They get it from you, you know,” he mumbled, smirking at the scoff it earned him.

“Shut up,” Janus grumbled, the smile evident in their voice. “That is all you.”

“Babe, sports are a threat in this house,” he teased. “You’re telling me that came from me?”

“Yeah, I’ll take that one,” they chided, turning around to face their husband. “As long as you’re aware that the energy, the volume—honey, that’s all you.”

Remus quirked his brow with a proud smirk.

“Or maybe it’s the fact that they sleep for fourteen hours and we haven’t even had eight in the last six years,” he challenged knowingly. “You know, I happen to remember that back in the day…that bed was hardly even for sleeping.”

Janus snorted, their face reddening slightly.

“Is it bad to think of those as the ‘good old days’ already?”

Remus swept a piece of their hair out of their face.

“Hell no, dude. We lived like kings back then,” he chuckled. “How ‘bout this—I’ll get Ro to take ‘em to the park or something this weekend and I’ll dick you down just like old times, ‘kay?”

Janus sputtered out a cackle, smacking Remus on the chest before covering his mouth with their hand.

“Fucking christ, they’re like two yards away,” they hissed, still laughing. “I am not going to be the one fielding questions about what getting dicked down means, oh my god.”

“You say that like they listen to anything when there’s food in front of them,” Remus countered, nodding in the direction of their kid as Janus rolled their eyes with a chuckle.

“Now that, is from you,” they grinned, jabbing him in the side with their elbow.

“Hey, it’s not my fault you’re serving up delicacies like toaster waffles,” Remus said, raising his hands in mock defense.

Janus gave him a look before crossing their arms.

“Yeah, well, you’re lucky I know you can’t go two hours without food. Go on, there’s one for you, even if it’s probably cold by now,” they teased as Remus excitedly kissed their forehead before practically running to the kitchen. He hopped up to sit on the counter, folding each toaster waffle like a blueberry-filled taco before funneling them into his mouth.

Janus followed close behind—at a normal pace, thank you very much—and took the actual seat next to their kid, sipping at the cup of tea they had left on the counter before the two had returned home as they listened to Riley regaling their day at school.

———

Realistically, Remus probably should’ve seen it coming. He was a couple days past his previous record of days as Riley’s “favorite” and he knew he likely didn’t have much longer before Janus dethroned him again, but he certainly hadn’t expected the scene he walked in on that night.

He had heard hushed laughter coming from one of their house’s bathrooms that evening, assuming at first that Janus was just handling Riley’s bath or something like that, but as he cleaned up the mess from their dinner and finished washing the rest of their dishes, he was surprised to find they were still in there. So obviously he had to investigate.

He knocked on the door, rolling his eyes fondly as shushing and giggles came from within.

“Everything good in there?” He teased, leaning against the door. “I gotta’ say, I’m a little hurt I didn’t get invited to whatever club this is that hangs out in the bathroom.”

More giggles followed by the oh-so familiar sound of Janus’ shushing.

“I guess I’ll just have to find out for myself what all the fuss is about,” he sing-songed, slowly creaking open the door before letting out a snort laugh at the scene before him.

Janus was seated on the edge of the bathtub, wash cloth in hand, as Riley sat on the sink counter, covered on all limbs with temporary tattoos. At least the pieces of tape that Janus had cut into circles and colored black to look like ear gauges were admittedly cute.

“Oh, I see how it is,” he smirked from against the doorframe.

“JJ said you’re a wimp,” Riley proudly announced. “I was right.”

Janus stuck their tongue out and made a spitting noise and…yeah, that was their kid alright. Not that Remus would have it any other way.

#anyway.......i would die for them #my writing #tsbandau #sanders sides #ts remus #ts janus

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1d-discourseoftheday · 4 years

Text

Sat 9 Jan ‘21

LP Show Act 4, the Final show was today! Liam told us over and over it was gonna be a long event today but honestly it flew by? It was so good! The show opened right into an absolutely blistering 1D set and just kept going strong from there. The little commentary he had in the first part was to say again that he has a different understanding of the 1D songs then he did when younger and about how when he's doing those songs he gets flashbacks of being onstage with the band and where he'd be and stuff. Only You & I gets a different treatment, with a cute title card intro about the hard year, thanking us for providing a livlihood for his team by supporting the shows through the past year and saying “we can do this together... You & I”, plus it has footage of fans lip syncing along spliced in during the chorus. The highlight there though is when Liam hit that high note, and thanks to his recent comments I think we all know he was thinking about Zayn when he did; way TMI but that's Liam for ya! ANYWAY there's an intermission and then the hits just keep on coming, including Nina Nesbitt coming out to do Rita Ora's part in For You, plus an interlude where they chat and play some of her tiktok content (but with a lot of bleeping-- it WAS a family show!)

I have been a big fan of his chaotic format in the previous streams, with all the interaction and mixing it up with different parts- I feel like it both played to his strengths and was perfect for 2020 and I wouldn't have traded it- but this was very cool for the big last show and it felt like... more serious? It was straightfowardly just Liam and the music and the songs- TBH it felt very influenced by Louis' stream, with the format and also the lighting and set design. The sets were prerecorded, but aren't really edited; he's playing the songs live and back to back, just not TODAY. Plus with the prerecorded version we got Liam joining in with us (and his sisters) to also post about how great the songs were as they aired and interact with fans a bunch, so that was lovely. Anyway it's awesome to get these versions of Liam's songs (I would say the best ever version of some of his solo stuff honestly), especially as it seems like this will be the last time we hear some of them as he moves on to new things- as he says at the end of the stream, “I'm gonna take a little bit of time out right now but next time you see me I'll be singing some brand new music.” Fans hoping for new music TODAY were disappointed but he's gotta go write the songs first! Something to look forward to! He finishes it all on one last high note: “Thank you. Here's to the future.”

But that's not quite all the Liam! Before the big event, he did a live from home, with Maya and Winston the puppy present. He upset some by saying that Zayn wasn't in the 1D chat “because he isn't in 1D”, I mean...yes? He quit? It is what it is guys. Well, I'll also upset others by saying that Maya was very funny! I agree with Liam that her answer to his question- what kind of trend he should start about fans saying looks like Jesus- being “LPhasRisen” is, in fact, hilarious, and I also agree with Liam about Zayn's videos-- “he goes to town on the videos doesn't he?” (and that Vibez is lovely.)

Zayn meanwhile is doing Vibez promo and it continues to be a TREAT. Today we got late night instagram “answering” questions over a backdrop of Homer Simpson decked out in Nobody Is Listening gear, GOOD TIMES. Do you ride a horse often, “eh what?!” do you celebrate, “in general? or for specific reasons?” fave song “the next single” tell us more about it? “yeah it's me ft me” but does he really love yoga or was that just snark? The world may never know.

Also online, Louis! He tweeted during Liam's show “Hope everyone's doing alright! Stay safe”- but was he watching the stream? “Of course!!”

And the JHOlivia love triangle tabloid soap opera continues-- if they're trying to get people talking about Jason Sudeikis it's working (I had to bite the bullet and look up how to spell his name! It's that bad!); unfortunately for him despite the tabloid reports everywhere you look that suggest that he was the victim of H and O 'becoming close' before he and Olivia's breakup (which is weird given that until like yesterday we'd been told for months that O and J broke up at the beginning of 2020 and he never saw fit to correct that), what rumors are saying is that in fact he really did cheat (as opposed to her pretend thing). So why would Olivia sign on to this charade to make him look good at her expense? Who knows man but if the players' priority is publicity there's no denying that's working.

Anyway Niall posted from his bike ride, and Trump's deletion meant everyone went up a notch in the twitter “most followed” rankings, with Niall having most out of our five and the only account coming between Harry and Louis being Real Madrid (football club) which is all right I guess, I feel like they're probably good with that.

#1ddiscourseoftheday #saw people talking about how the house H and O were papped at belongs to Jeff like I said yesterday #but that it was in Harry's name in some temp way- I'd assume this is to give H residency so he can come and go #with the constantly changing lockdowns in both the US and UK #speaking of twitter rankings that AIMH tweet is sinking in the list! make yourself useful twarries and boost her back up!#Liam @ Nina- 'that one tiktok you did about demolishing a bottle of gin really spoke to me'#in case anyone is wondering I have a support ticket open with tumblr so that's good #except so far that means every couple days someone who clearly hasn't read it responds to be like #maybe the problem is that someone has you blocked read this copy paste about blocking on tumblr #to give an actual example of a response I got to my detailed ticket with screenshots etc about how tumblr logs me out #every time I try to use that account to do anything at all so what I'm saying here is that it's... slow going #later developments have caused me to question if it's an account shutdown after all like maybe it's just a glitch?#but I will wait until there's a resolution and then see what I think and let you all know #9 jan 21 #do we think Liam named that dog after winston churchill: unfortunately I feel it's VERY likely

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hannahdra-ws · 3 years

Text

and now (you’re hyper paranoid)

Summary:

hypochondria; n; abnormal anxiety about one's health, especially with an unwarranted fear that one has a serious disease.

(or: Janus has a very bad time.)

Romantic, established dukeceit

TWs: hypochondria, covid-19, panic attacks, unspecified eating disorder, coughing, crying

----------

Through the uneasy feeling, Janus knew he was being a little unrealistic.

He's perfectly healthy, he rarely gets sick. He hasn't even had the flu before. He's double vaccinated, and he wears his mask everywhere. He's certainly never gotten food poisoning before.

So he doesn't know why he's freaking out so much.

read on ao3

Janus stared at the plate in front of him, heart thumping so loudly he was almost sure the others at the table could hear it. It wasn't anything major, it was just meatloaf with a side of mashed potatoes and corn, and Patton and Logan (mostly Logan) spent a lot of time on it, so there's no reason he shouldn't eat it.

The others are enjoying it too, bantering and joking across the table without a care in the world. Roman was basically sitting in Logan's lap, and Four Idiots (as Janus and Remus dubbed them as) kept sending each other equally besotted expressions. Remus was next to him, gesturing animatedly while he talked with one hand and the other hand tightly gripped in Janus's own.

He felt off kilter and shaky, watching everyone eat their food. Janus knows he should be eating too, and logically he knows that there is a very small chance of him getting food poisoning. But that doesn't make the debilitating anxiety welling up inside him go away.

Oh God, he's going to get sick, somethings wrong with the meat he'll get sick and vo-

Ugh. Virgil's the one that has the anxiety problem, not him. Why did his brother have to give him his mental illness? Bitch.

Suddenly, a loud noise happened, forcefully dragging Janus out of his mind. It was Roman, coughing loudly. He kept hacking, and hacking, and Janus abruptly felt faint.

The others were watching with concern, and Logan was patting Roman on the back to get whatever had lodged in his throat out. Eventually, he did clear his airways, after a long breath in and a particularly violent cough.

Patton inquired if he was okay, and Roman nodded, face red and tears streaming down his face from coughing so much. "Sorry, I choked." His voice was scratchy from coughing. But he was smiling, and that should have been an indicator that he was okay, he just choked, he's fine-

Remus made some comment, and Virgil flipped him off while still looking worriedly in Roman's direction, but Janus suddenly couldn't hear through the ringing in his ears. Remus must have noticed either the way he abruptly went still, or the fact that he had barely eaten anything, because he squeezed his hand in question. Janus abruptly stood up from the table, almost knocking his chair down in the process.

Remus frowned, a small, confused thing, "Jaybird? You alright?"

"I'm sorry, if you'll excuse me," Janus managed to choke out, before quickly ripping his hand from Remus's and stumbling away, ignoring the protests and calls from the table behind him.

He hopes no one noticed that he didn't finish his meal.

----

Janus stumbled to his room, heart beating out of his chest, thump, thump, thump. He quickly locked the door and slid his back down to the floor, digging his gloved hands in his hair and pulling.

Roman's dry hacking wouldn't leave his head, oh God he sounded sick, but he's not he just choked he's fine, he doesn't have covid none of you do you're all vaccinated, fuck-

Janus was acutely aware that he was crying, now, his chest tight and his throat sore from the tears. He was trembling, small and terrified against the back of his door, and he couldn't stop thinking.

Janus had to go back to school in a week. School, with its crowded areas and unvaccinated people and possible removal of masks. The very thought of it makes his heart jump into his throat, dizzy with terror.

What if one of them had covid, and we just didn't have any symptoms, what if the vaccine doesn't work against the variant, fuck, he's going to get it, maybe he already has it, he's going to die he's going to die he can't breathe-

He suddenly had the image of his own funeral in his head, his boyfriend and his friends and his brother at his own funeral, crying softly and holding each other. He envisioned himself in the afterlife, waiting for them, watching Remus suffer alone because he wasn't there-

And that horrifying image in his head is what turned his soft crying into desperate sobs, shaking and pulling his hair so tight it stung.

And that's also when he finally registered the frantic knocking on the door, how long has that been going on? and Remus's panicked voice coming from the other side.

"Jan? Baby, I can hear you crying, fuck, are you hurt? If you want me to fuck off, tell me, but- Oh, Jay, please answer, even a knock, just let me know if you're alright-"

Janus reached with trembling hands to unlock the door, even as his mind went no don't he could be sick, and he quickly moved away from the door a little so Remus wouldn't smack him in the face with the door when he came bursting in.

And burst in he did. In a flurry of motion, Remus quickly came in and shut the door behind him, then sat on the floor with panicked, worried eyes looking at Janus.

"Janus? Can you- fuck, I'm not good at this- can I touch you?"

Somewhere, in the back behind the panic, Janus found his stumbling endearing.

Janus debated for half a second, social distance 6 feet apart you'll die you'll die you'll die, before crumbling to his desire to be held.

"Pl- Please, hold me, I- I can't-" Janus's voice came out absolutely pathetic, broken up in sobs and small and trembling, but Remus paid it no mind. He quickly scooped up Janus in his arms, and Janus held onto him for dear life, like he'll be swept away if he doesn't. He cries so hard he's almost heaving, shaking like a leaf in Remus's strong, tattooed arms.

Oh, Remus, make it go away, He thought, and then cried harder because what a childish thing to think.

"Shh, shh, you're alright, I've got you. Can you breathe with me, darling? In and out, you're okay," Remus's voice was calm and soothing, the panic deliberately gone from his voice, probably to not make him feel worse. He breathed in deeply, over exaggerating his breaths so that Janus could follow along.

Janus tried to follow the rhythm, hiccupping through his tears. He stumbled a few times, and it took a bit, but he eventually was able to settle his breathing. His tears had started to slow, and he suddenly felt overwhelmingly childish.

He just had a breakdown over something so stupid. It's not like he's the only one affected by covid, they're in a fucking pandemic, and he has no right to panic when he's not even sick. He's fine.

Janus and Remus had only been together for a few months, so Remus hadn't seen this side of Janus yet. This was sure to make him leave. Fuck, he's so stupid.

"There you are, baby," Remus crooned with a soothing voice, and Janus flushed despite himself. Remus wiped away one of his lingering tears, his palm cupping Janus's cheek, and Janus leaned into the warmth, suddenly exhausted. He felt boneless and hollowed out inside of Remus's arms, like his limbs were made of lead.

"I'm sorry," Janus croaked, and Remus was shushing him before he could get more words out.

"No, shut up, you're not allowed to apologize for having a panic attack. You have nothing to apologize for." Remus was strong and steady, and Janus opened his eyes that he didn't mean to close. For some reason, he wanted to deny that what just happened was a panic attack. "You're okay, love, we're okay."

Janus gave a small laugh in spite of himself, and Remus huffed, indignant. "What?"

"Nothing, just- you use a l- lot more cutesy nicknames when you're calming me down." Janus noted, and Remus puffed up like a peacock, but he was smiling.

"Would you rather I use my normal names? J-anus? Two Dicks? Hot ass? Da-"

Janus cut him off with laughter and a smack to the arm, "Shut up, you awful man, that wasn't an invitation-"

Remus was laughing too, grin blinding. When they both stopped laughing, they just sat there for a while in comfortable silence. Remus traced the vitiligo patches on Janus's back through the clothes (Janus flushed at the fact that Remus just knew where they were) and Janus traced the tattoos on Remus's brown skin.

After several long, quiet moments, Remus's quiet voice broke the silence. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Instantly, Janus went tense, before shaking his head no. He couldn't explain it without sounding stupid, and he didn't want Remus to leave.

Besides, there was nothing Remus could truly say that he hasn't heard before.

Nothing will make it go away.

Remus nodded, content with not pushing. "Well, I say we move the cuddling to the bed and not the floor, how does that sound?"

Before Janus could respond, Remus just scooped him up, effortlessly in the air. Janus squeaked and held onto Remus before Remus just dumped him down unceremoniously onto the bed, bouncing a little on the springs.

Remus laid down on his back, and Janus immediately crawled to him and curled up next to him, laying his head on Remus's chest and Remus wrapping an arm around him.

"Nap time," Janus mumbled into Remus's shirt. Janus felt more than heard him chuckle.

"Well, if the king says it's nap time, then I have no choice but to obey." Janus swatted at him lazily, and he couldn't see it, but he bet Remus grinned. Remus laid a quick kiss to his temple and his heart swelled.

The worry still pricked in the back of Janus's mind. He was sure that later, he was going to freak out over this moment, that the sudden contact made him contract an illness.

But right now, at this moment, he's fine. He's with his boyfriend, and his other friends and his brother are in the house somewhere too, no doubt worried about Janus. They're all vaccinated, healthy, and safe.

I'm okay, he thought, the thought not panic induced this time, and fell asleep next to Remus, and dreamt of nothing but warmth.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #janus sanders #janus sanders angst #tw covid #tw hypochondria #dukeceit #fanfic #janus sanders fanfic

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clearlynotjanus · 3 years

Photo

Moceit Appreciation Week :: Aftermath

Read on Ao3

Art by @nonchimerical

tag list: @sanderssidesangsttrash @catalinaacosta @whatishappeningrightnow @the-snekwhisperer-world @varthandi @the-dead-and-the-decaying @serpentinesomebody

CW: Alcohol/Wine mention, food mention, insinuated swearing Word Count: 5646 Genre: Hurt/Comfort Rating: Teen Ships: Moceit, implied Loceit, implied Intruloceit, implied Dukeceit, implied if you squint Prinxiety

To support my writing & get access to exclusive content not posted anywhere else, consider subscribing to my Patreon.

“Well,” Janus started, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Seems like things worked out after all,” Here it comes, he thought, another round of the Blame Game. “Guess I was wrong about everything,” It didn’t matter that they had just come to some sort of understanding; after years of passing the buck between them, Janus was awfully accustomed to Patton saying his input was wrong -- Especially in a situation like this, where evolving circumstances made his advice seem moot.

“You and I both know …” Patton’s soft voice interrupted Janus’ bitterness. The tone caught him off guard, though as far as he knew, the sentence would end in a crushing you’re wrong. It was best not to get his hopes up, but the silence dragged on too long, and Janus’ defenses fell with his racing thoughts. “That’s not true,” Patton finished finally and Janus couldn’t help but to look over at the wistfully pensive expression that accompanied Patton’s admission. Perhaps it was just a sense of victory he felt, but humorlessly, his lips reciprocated.

“Is that--” Janus began only to be comedically interrupted by the vagrant and imaginative impression of Leslie Odom Jr. With a heavy sigh, the specter was dismissed and the sounds of Thomas with his friends began to fill the apartment.

Awkwardly, Janus and Patton stood next to each other. Sidelong, Janus caught Patton’s expression softening as Thomas laughed loudly at something Lee just said.

“Well, even if things did work out,” Janus started again, chin raised like he expected a fight. Patton blinked and turned his head, wearing a curious expression as though he had actually been content standing in silence together. “You should still consider what Logan and I said today.”

“Oh, well, yeah,” Patton said like that was a given. The sentence trailed off in an unusual and nervous way that made it feel like he had more to say, but more never came. Janus resigned himself to being content with that. Patton had seen the repercussions of his actions; there was little more he could do now besides press the issue when need be.

“Good,” He paused, nodding slightly. Speaking of Logan, the thought crossed his mind that he should check on him, given how their bargain had gone. “At any rate, I suppose I’ll … see you another time.”

Patton forced a smile, pulling at the fabric of his shirt anxiously. “Yeah! See you around, Jan,” The old nickname slipped out and Patton cleared his throat.

A week later, Patton squeaked an, “Oh,” as he walked into the Light Side kitchen. “Hiya, Janus,” He greeted in a pitchy, nervous voice. A weird feeling blossomed in his stomach and he thought he might be getting sick.

“Hello, Patton,” Janus gave a half-lipped smile as he finally reached into the fridge, having stood here for the better part of an hour.

“Didn’t expect to see you over here,” Patton’s anxiety was evident; just holding the cup he had come to place into the sink was a gamble given how shaky his hands were suddenly. “Everything okay?”

“Oh, just peachy,” He responded sweetly, tipping the freshly retrieved carton of milk into his now cold cup of tea. “We were just out of milk you see,” He explained, holding the carton up as evidence before sliding it back into the fridge.

“Oh, okay,” Well, that made sense, as long as Patton didn’t think about it too hard. Brushing his hip against the counter on the far side of the kitchen, Patton placed his cup into the sink and promptly turned back around. “Well if that’s all, I’ll--”

“There was one more thing actually,” Janus interrupted, absentmindedly opening a drawer to borrow a spoon. He turned to face Patton, expression unreadable. “Just while I have you here, of course.”

“S-sure!” Patton stuttered. “What’s on your mind?” He gripped the lip of the counter he leaned against, knuckles soon going white.

“Well I was just wondering,” Janus continued slowly as he stirred his tea unnecessarily. “If you had any, oh I don’t know;” his tongue clicked with a shallow, one shouldered shrug. “Dilemmas, problems, maybe some quandaries of poor Thomas’ that you needed to … bounce ideas around for?”

Patton gulped and quickly shook his head. The lively feeling in his stomach suddenly felt unpleasantly warm. “Nope!” He laughed humorlessly as he pushed himself forward and started to stumble backwards out of the kitchen. “None at all! Thomas has, hah, Thomas has been doing just great lately! No problems here!” The air sweetened and Janus lost his appetite for his overly sugared cup of tea. “If that’s all--”

“Yes, yes, whatever then,” Janus raised the spoon out of his cup and waved it dismissively with a sigh, flicking drops of tea on the floor.

Patton hopped the last two steps out of the kitchen and was hardly down the hall when he heard a new voice. High pitched and nasally, it was unmistakably the Duke’s. Patton’s body froze in fear.

“Janny! What’s taking you so long?” Janny? Patton questioned internally. That’s … actually kind of a cute nickname…

“Remus,” Janus sounded annoyed and surprised. “I told you to wait.”

“I was waiting! For like, a whole hour! How long does it take to get milk?” The frustration in Remus’ voice grew and Patton’s brows furrowed. An hour? Janus was … in their kitchen for an hour?

“However long it takes,” Janus mumbled and Patton got the sense he wasn’t talking about getting milk anymore. Suddenly the clattering sound of Janus carelessly tossing his teacup into the sink rang in his ears; until then, Patton didn’t realize how hard he was listening, or how quickly his heart was beating. He squeaked, too loudly, and then the voices in the kitchen stopped as he threw a hand over his mouth.

“Who the fu--” Remus abruptly stopped. Patton’s ears twitched, going red. He could almost make out the sound of a whisper. Fear set adrenaline lose in his blood and he silently sank out.

Later that month, Patton and Roman sat on the couch, watching some show together. Between Roman becoming distracted with the notebook in his lap and Patton dreamily staring out the window, neither of them really knew what was happening on screen; but that much didn’t really matter. Patton enjoyed sitting there, listening to Roman’s scribbles, and Roman enjoyed not being holed up in his room, burning his candle at both ends. It was a pleasant afternoon, for all intents and purposes.

“I’m going to grab a Coke,” Roman said with a stretch, setting his notebook aside. “You want one?”

“Huh?” Patton blinked, “Oh yeah, sure. Thanks!” He said with a typical smile.

The cushions had hardly risen from Roman’s absence before the couch was jostled again. “That was fas--” Patton started before registering who had actually taken Roman’s place. “Oh, J-Janus, hello,” His voice hitched and the television suddenly felt muted.

“Hello, darling,” Janus greeted warmly, an arm over the back of the couch.

“What’s up?” Patton questioned, taking a deep breath. Nerves wracked his stomach familiarly and a warmth made the back of his neck itch. “Everything alright?”

“Splendid, of course, thank you,” Janus charmed and paused. With curiosity, he reached for Roman’s notebook between them.

“Oh, you shouldn--” Patton started but it was too late; Janus had flipped open the cover and started admiring the haphazard yet beautiful doodles on the first page.

“So I was thinking,” Janus began, thumbing to another page. His eyes glazed over the curly cursive writing. Patton glanced anxiously behind Janus; if Roman walked in right now… “Have you noticed anything … off about our dear Thomas lately?”

“Off?” Patton echoed. He tried to think; ever since the reconciliation he had with Lee and Mary-Lee, things had been … better. Patton had been trying to lay off of reacting to things so quickly and he thought he was doing well with it. “N-no, I don’t think anything specific’s been wrong,” He surmised slowly. “Why do you ask?” Had Janus noticed something he didn’t? His stomach tightened uncomfortably now.

“Just wondering is all,” He dismissed with a curt smile. A pause ensued and Patton could hear Roman hum-singing to himself in the kitchen. Janus placed his palm on the couch and stared at Patton from under his lashes after a moment. “Though that brings up an interesting question, don’t you think?” His voice was low and provocative. Patton had to listen closely to hear anything at all, which made him lean towards Janus unconsciously. He felt like a useless fly; did that make Janus something dangerous? Something that’d burn him or swallow him up if he got too close?

“D-does it?” Patton stuttered, trying to keep his voice as quiet as Janus’. Admittedly, he wasn’t exactly following; too paranoid about Roman coming back, too nervous about what Janus was about to say, too flustered from suddenly being this close. Butterflies cut up the inside of his stomach.

“Mhmmmm,” Janus exaggerated, “Tell me,” He batted his eyes and Patton’s cheeks warmed. “Would you even let me know if something was wrong? ... Would you let me help in that case?”

Patton’s mouth opened like he had a response immediately, but no words followed; only a rush of warm air that blew sweetly in Janus’ face. He didn’t have an answer to that question, and thankfully, he wouldn’t need one.

“One Coke for the Marvelous Morality~” Roman sang as he rounded the kitchen corner, two filled glasses in his hands.

Patton blinked and Janus was gone, making him wonder if he had imagined the entire thing. Roman slid the drinks onto the coffee table and plopped heavily back on the couch with a gruff sound. Patton straightened his back as Roman reached for his notebook.

“Hm?” Roman’s brow furrowed, “Did you open this, Pat?” Patton struggled with his words for a second before Roman laughed. “If you wanted to read what I was working on, you could’ve just asked! Here,” Roman flipped through the pages, ignorant to the dumbfounded expression on Patton’s face, “I’ll read this much to you, but prepare yourself; it’s a little rough,” Roman said with grandeur before clearing his throat several times.

If asked, Patton couldn’t recall what Roman had read to him then. Janus’ words kept repeating in his ears until Patton was so dizzy, he felt faint.

The warm month of May shifted impatiently towards the sweltering Flordian heat of June. Even as the sun set, the summer continued to loom with heavy, humid air. Realizing that the apartment showed no signs of cooling off any time soon, Patton went to his room with the intent of changing into something lighter than his usual khakis. His heart stopped and all traces of a coherent thought process came to an abrupt halt, however, as he spotted someone on his bed.

“Oh hello, dear,” Janus purred as though this was a chance meeting. He was lounging back, head resting against Patton’s pillow, one leg crossed over the other. His hat was placed on his stomach, revealing a crooked hairline that seemed to be pushed back by the encroaching scales on the left side of his face; a sight Patton had caught glimpses of by now, but not one he was altogether familiar with.

“J-Janus!” Patton managed through the shock, a hand clutched the fabric of his shirt at his chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack!” He panted, forcing himself to take a gasping, deep breath.

“Apologies,” Janus offered a half smile, but hadn’t yet looked at Patton for more than a glance. Instead, he was focused on flipping through the rectangle shaped memories in his hands. Patton recognized them, once he gathered his senses enough to register the scene fully.

“You ... came to look at those?” Patton assumed, leaning to the side with a raised chin to peer at the one Janus was now staring at. It was an old memory that had begun to go grayscale at the edges. From Patton’s point of view like all of them, it showed Janus; smug at all of ten years old in an oversized hat that fell lopsided on his head. He looked as smart as any actual lawyer might as they won their case. Janus could tell Patton had been smiling when this memory became dear enough to actualize here, in his room.

“In a way,” Janus admitted. Unlike prior conversations, his voice was soft and now he, too, wore a rather endeared smile -- at least for a silent moment, as they both appreciated the memory. Soon he sighed and flipped to the next. The color of this one was vibrant and tinged in an idealistic, soft pink; the color of a schoolboy’s blush. Janus, now perhaps thirteen, reached over with a puzzle piece in hand. It was one of the last few Patton needed to finish the border he had been working on all afternoon. He remembers having begun tearing up, frustrated at not being able to complete something like that. But then Janus walked in. He had simply blinked between Patton’s watery eyes and the pile of pieces, sat down, and began to rifle through them for a moment before locating the one Patton needed. He pressed it into place easily and smiled. It hadn’t been his usual egotistical or knowing smile. It was one that made Patton’s little teenage heart race.

Janus sighed with finality and placed the pile of memories on Patton’s bedside table. As he sat on the edge, he put his hat back on. “Mostly I wanted to see if my own memories lined up,” Janus said as he stood, busying himself with adjusting his clothing. “You’ve been so obstinate lately, I had begun to think we never worked well together.”

Patton’s heart sank and so did his head. “We used to,” He whispered at the floor.

“We did,” Janus said, bittersweetness on his tongue. He shrugged and took slow steps around Patton. “It’s a shame you won’t just let us be like that again,” Janus shrugged a flimsy wrist, sounding mockingly disheartened. “But,” He amended as he reached the door behind Patton. “You’ve had everything handled without me for years now, so,”

“Yeah,” Patton agreed, instantly regretting how loud his voice was. “I have had everything handled! This whole time!” He spun around and Janus’ hand froze on the doorknob. “Without you! and now you’re trying to be around, acting like we can just go back to how it was, assuming that the others will just -- just -- get over it or something,” Patton’s voice gained an exasperated and humored edge despite finding absolutely none of this funny. “Roman nearly had a breakdown at just the idea of trusting you! Virgil can’t be in the same room with you! I just -- I don’t,” Patton’s anger began to fizzle out into despair.

His breathing caught up with him, now heavy and quick. The hand that had been pointing with accusation at Janus’ back fell with the intent of gripping his shoulder, but as though Janus saw that coming, he pulled away.

“I see,” He said, after a silent moment with an unreadable tone. “You have a lot to worry about,” Janus released the door knob. “Don’t let me keep you then,” and as fast as Patton could blink, Janus was gone.

One night, a little over a week later, Patton couldn’t sleep no matter what he did. Supposing he deserved a cookie for his trouble, he wandered into the kitchen, only to find the light already on. He froze and blinked sleepy eyes at the scene; was that … Janus? and Logan? Sitting at the small table by the bookshelf together? Patton gulped and the pair noticed him before he could digest much more.

“Patton,” Logan greeted curtly, sitting up as he seemed to notice how far over he had been leaning. “It’s late. What are you doing up?”

“Well I could say the same thing to you!” Patton joked, but his tone was off. The three sat in awkward silence and Janus busied himself with retrieving the nearly empty bottle of wine from the floor between them. “Wh--What are you guys up to?” Patton asked conversationally, pressing his knuckles together nervously.

Janus and Logan exchanged a look and Patton’s face became feverish. He had never felt so terribly out of place before. He shifted on his feet, realizing how uncomfortable his skin was.

“Well if you must know,” Janus answered, refilling Logan’s glass before meeting Patton’s eyes. His gaze was lidded, knowing, and it set Patton on fire. “We’re trying to find a solution to a problem you insist doesn’t exist.”

“Oh now, that can’t be true!” Patton objected eagerly, taking a half step forward only to receive a dubious expression from Logan.

“And why’s that?” Janus asked as he refilled his own glass. “Because you know everything?” His voice was heavy with sarcasm and wine. Janus could feel Logan’s gaze on him now; curious, wondering how he had gone from laughing demurely at something one moment to passive aggressively reproaching Patton the next. Janus wondered in turn what Logan would think of him for his words, but figured the judgement wouldn’t be too harsh. Patton annoyed them both most of the time. “Or because you think we’re too inept to solve anything for Thomas?”

Patton’s hands shook as they anxiously balled fists in the fabric of his shirt. Why would Janus say something so mean? His stomach twisted into intricate knots. Is that how Janus thought he felt? Did he really think Patton thought he was inept? His eyes stung as he stared at the ground. He couldn’t cry here, that’d just add more shame to this horrific, nightmarish moment.

“N-neither, really,” Patton whispered, not trusting his voice to be any louder.

“Why then?” Janus pressed insistently, staring Patton down with hands folded atop the haphazard papers. Logan shifted uncomfortably in his chair. This felt like a grotesque mockery of their court scenario the other day...

Patton sniffled quietly, trying to keep from snotting all over himself. “I didn’t realize anything was wrong…” His voice pitched and broke with the effort he extended to keep from sobbing on the spot. How awful it was, to be misinterpreted this gravely, to not have the words to explain himself, to think Janus hated him for not knowing how to ask for forgiveness.

Janus swallowed a lump in his throat and forced himself to roll his eyes. “Well that’s your mistake then,” He mumbled, sitting back in his chair. As he reached for his freshly poured glass of wine, Logan hesitantly pressed feather-light fingers against his sleeve.

“I think that’s enough,” Logan whispered without much tact before looking back at Patton. “We were almost finished here. The kitchen is all yours in a few moments,” Janus scornfully met his serious gaze and soon clicked his tongue. This time, his eye roll was genuine.

“Yeah sure,” Janus snarked to no one in particular as he stood. “Let’s leave it all to Patton. As usual.”

“Thank you all for joining us today,” Logan began professionally, briskly meeting everyone’s eyes.

“Yes, thank you all so much for taking the time out of your very busy schedules,” Janus snarked in good humor from his position next to Logan; an easel with a balanced poster board stood between them. The information on the board was utilitarian in design; flat colors with thick black lines. Altogether, it was very easy to read and especially clear that Janus, with all his dramatic flair, didn’t have a single hand involved in the writing of it.

“Sure thing,” Patton interjected from his usual spot near the sliding glass door. He raised a finger like one would raise their hand in class. “But uh, I’m a little confused. What’s this all about?”

“I’m glad you asked, Patton,” Logan began, immediately getting cut off by Virgil, who had shoved himself in the very corner of the stairway.

“This is a waste of time, why am I here? I have nothing to do with stuff like this,” he gestured at the poster board, clearly not actually reading anything written there.

“You’re here so we can get your input,” Logan gestured between Patton, Roman, and Remus, who seemed to be fidgeting with some wires behind the television, “Along with everyone else’s.”

“I say let him go if he wants to,” Janus mumbled cynically, adjusting his capelet. “He’s not at all capable of providing helpful feedback.”

“You mean I don’t feed your ego,” Virgil replied bitterly with a scowl. His mouth opened to continue but no sound was produced as Logan met his eyes expectantly. Virgil sighed and shifted stubbornly against the wall. “But fine. If Logan has something to say, I guess I’ll listen. For a bit.”

“Thank you, Virgil,” Logan said, offering a small smile.

At some point during Virgil and Janus’ bickering, the twins began to argue. The quarrel increased in volume and Janus cleared his throat.

“Darling?” Janus called, brows and chin raised. Remus’ head poked up from behind the television; black, blue, and red wires were between his lips like thick spaghetti noodles. Roman crossed his arms with a loud huff and a dramatic roll of his eyes. “Care to clue me in on what’s going on over there?”

Using his tongue, Remus maneuvered the wires to the right side of his mouth. “Roboat thinks he can stop me from eating these wires,” He explained with his mouth full. Janus scrunched his nose delicately and shook his head.

“Leave their wires alone, dear,” Remus deflated and opened his lips, letting the spit-soaked things fall out and back onto the floor. Patton went visibly queasy at the display, pulling at the hem of his shirt nervously.

“Okay,” Remus pouted exaggeratedly.

Janus turned and smiled pleasantly at Logan, who adjusted his glasses with a hint of exasperation, though both Janus and Remus knew the irritation was only ever meant with fondness for the Duke.

“If we’re ready to begin,” Logan started and everyone fell begrudgingly silent. “For several weeks now, Janus and I hav--”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Virgil interrupted, sitting up again and waving his hands hastily. “You and Deceit have been talking for weeks now?” Patton chewed his lip and tried to look at anything but the inevitable fight currently breaking out.

“Hey, yeah!” Roman agreed, pointing in Logan and Janus’ direction. Anger creased his expression. “I haven’t even seen that Sneaking Snob around here at all! Wouldn’t we have noticed if he was stalking around here like some B movie villain?”

“Maybe you would have if you were more perceptive,” Janus mumbled to himself, looking busily down at his gloved hand as though to inspect his nails. Remus snickered and whispered an oooo, like Roman had just gotten called to the principal's office.

“I’m plenty perceptive, thank you, Boa Bitch-stricter,” Roman dropped his arm heatedly.

The bickering continued for several more minutes, insults flying towards Janus from both Virgil and Roman. He took them in stride, giving his own snide and sarcastic comments back that only served to fuel both of their tempers. Patton’s nerves grew with each passing second; he shifted on his feet, pushed his knuckles together, debated sinking out silently but figured he’d better not cause more tension than there already was. Eventually, Logan spoke up above the roar.

“If you would all just listen,” He said, managing to gain everyone’s attention. “I promise we’ll be through in just a few minutes,” Everyone mumbled a respective, incoherent comment each as they shuffled and settled back to their original positions. Remus gave a cheer in support of Logan, which was followed by a whispered curse and apology as the latter gave a pointedly serious look.

To a silent and mostly attentive room, Logan explained what he and Janus had been discussing and planning for the last two months. Thomas’ financial situation, they all agreed, wasn’t spectacular. To that end, Logan had asked the newly accepted Janus if he had any ideas or solutions. Despite Janus’ surprise at being asked for input (and being considered ‘accepted’ at this point), he offered to go over the issue in detail with Logan; something none of the others had done to date. Over late nights of tasteful wine and the occasional dinner beforehand, they had crunched numbers, mapped solutions, and thought up lists of pros and cons to a multitude of different fixes.

Hearing this, gears clicked into place for Patton; the time he had stumbled on them late at night made a lot more sense now. Though even with the explanation, Patton’s stomach continued to knot painfully. He would really rather not recall that moment. It was filled with such shame and guilt and suspicion, he almost refused to believe it had even happened.

“And so after all that,” Logan approached the end of his explanation, “We settled on a very reliable and doable solution; Thomas and his team should, by all means, open up a Patreon.”

The audience’s eyes went wide as they stared at each other. The fact that the numbers had gone over their heads was clear on their faces, but the conclusion was easy enough to understand.

“So wait,” Virgil said, sitting up slowly, “Basically, what you’re saying is, we should ask the viewers for money, for something Thomas already gives them for free?” He asked incredulously.

“I don’t see why we couldn’t provide them with a little something extra every now and again,” Janus chimed in with a flourish of his fingers and an enigmatic grin. “The amount of things Thomas keeps hidden...phew, let me tell you,” His brows raised dramatically.

“You’re considering airing out his dirty laundry? For money?” Roman interjected, tone fantastically offended. “Preposterous! Who do you think you are, treating Thomas’ classified secrets like they’re some measly prince being sold for ransom!”

“Like that isn’t what our series is already based on?” Janus asked skeptically. Roman fell silent after a few sputtered and disjointed, rather useless words. “The point is,” Janus continued after a moment, meeting everyone’s eyes seriously now. “Thomas can’t afford to keep making videos if we don’t do something. I know you’re all against me, but you could at least extend the courtesy of considering it for Logan.”

Again the room became hushed, but only for a moment before Remus decided to speak up.

“It’s a great idea. Lolo! But I think he could make even more money if he did an OnlyFans!” Remus said too loudly for the room’s atmosphere. Patton flinched and grimaced distastefully, beginning to regret not making a bigger fuss about letting the Duke attend this meeting.

“No one asked you,” Roman snarked, turning slightly to glare at his brother.

“Actually,” Logan interrupted, “We did ask him, all of you,” He gestured with an open palm. “We’re asking you to consider it, as Janus said. No big decision needs to be made right now, even if I don’t quite understand what the hold up could possibly be,” Logan glanced at Janus with a hint of aggravation, “But something bad will happen if we don’t do something.”

“Alright,” Patton said quietly, nodding. “I think we get it, so,” He looked sheepishly around the room; Roman and Virgil had perked up significantly at Patton’s words. They both clearly waited with expectant expressions for Morlaity’s opinion. The twisting in his stomach grew uncomfortably hot. “So,” He repeated before drawing in a breath through his teeth, “Why don’t we all take the night and think about it. We’ll talk more about it tomorrow after … after we’ve all had a little while to think.”

“Very well,” Logan responded immediately, almost cheerfully -- at least cheerfully for Logan’s standards. “That’s quite alright with me, though please try to be quick about it.”

Janus’ brow pinched subtly as he stared at Patton for a moment too long. Logan had called his name twice before the third reached him through his thoughts.

“Janus?”

“Oh, yes,” He cleared his throat and nodded shallowly a few times, “By all means, do drag this out.”

Logan nodded, agreeing with the true intent of Janus’ sarcastic comment as he removed the poster board from the easel. As he collapsed the set up, Patton sunk out silently; the twins began fighting again and Virgil had somehow gotten pulled into their bickering. “That went well,” Logan summarized quietly to Janus, who was still staring distractedly at the space Patton usually occupied. “You were right unfortunately,” Logan paused, waiting for Janus to respond, only continuing when he realized no immediate retort was coming. “About them needing time to think about it?”

“Huh? Oh, yes,” Janus mumbled. Logan frowned; did it not go over as well as he thought? “You have all this handled, correct?” Janus gestured vaguely at the room, taking steps away.

“I suppose…?” Logan answered slowly. He started to say something else, but Janus had already disappeared.

Janus knocked on Patton’s door three times, the sound muffled by his gloves. From his bed, Patton flinched and instinctually squeezed the pillow in his lap tighter.

“B-be right there!” Patton called out, forcing his voice to sound cheerful. He inhaled a ragged breath and scrubbed at his face with dry hands. Please let it be Roman, please let it be Roman, please let i--

“H-hey Janus,” Patton greeted, swallowing his disappointment as he opened the door.

“Hello, dear,” Janus’ voice matched the serious tone he had used in his closing statement at the meeting just a few minutes ago, though the edges of it were softened. Patton thought his brow was creased and wondered what he was worrying about. “How are you?” He asked, and Patton had a hard time believing the question was genuine.

“Oh, I’m fine!” Patton said and Janus’ mouth watered. “Was just getting ready for bed,” he gestured behind him with a thumb and hoped that was enough to deter Janus from any kind of conversation. “S-so if you really don’t mind,” He continued, taking a half step back and starting to close the door slowly. “I sure am wiped from that meeting,” Patton forced a yawn.

“I know you’re lying,” Janus said pointedly, tone deliberate and unamused as he reached a hand to stop the door in its tracks.

Patton frowned, almost pouting as he stared at the floor. Janus’ eyes were too severe just then, and meeting them made his chest hurt. The silence dragged on as Patton found himself in an impossible situation; Janus knew he wasn’t okay, but that didn’t imply he was concerned enough to hear what was on his mind. Even if Janus did want to know, Patton wasn’t sure he could manage to sound coherent. To make matters worse, if all that weren’t true and he did get his feelings across to Janus, they felt silly and inconsequential in the face of Logan and Janus’ idea. They spoke so surely, so convincingly, and all Patton had was … feelings.

“Patton,” Janus said softly, letting his hand fall from the door, “How are you?” He asked again, sounding more insistent.

“I’m,” Patton started to repeat himself again but looked up to see Janus’ face. He wore such a distressed expression, Patton almost wanted to ask if he was okay. “I’m,” He began again, voice shaking as he clutched his shirt. “I’m scared,” Patton admitted in a whisper after a long pause.

Janus’ posture relaxed with a quiet sigh. He remained silent, knowing Patton well enough to predict that he would continue of his own accord now that the dam was open.

“I’m scared that I’m doing the wrong thing, but I’m … I’m not even sure what I’m doing. I’m scared that the others will hate me if I … If I,” Patton swallowed, “If I start letting you help again. B-but I’m also scared that,” His voice quickened, gaining speed like a rushing torrent of unstoppable water. “If I don’t let you help, I’ll just keep hurting Thomas. I’m scared that Virgil will lose himself again and leave us, I’m scared that Roman won’t be able to help Thomas if--if Remus is around, I’m terrified that Remus will hurt Thomas, and,” Patton inhaled a ragged breath. When he continued, his voice was a slow whisper again. “I’m scared of you, of--of not knowing how much selfishness is just right. I know you don’t want to hurt Thomas, I do, but …” He looked up with teary eyes finally, meeting Janus’ patient gaze. “But what if we get it wrong?”

“Then we’ll fix it and get it right together,” Janus replied instantly, like he knew exactly where Patton’s words were going to end up. “Like we always have,” He affirmed calmly, his tone and expression implying that, while this conclusion was obvious, Janus didn’t mind saying it as often Patton needed to hear it.

Patton gasped and the tears in his eyes fell. Hastily he reached up to brush them away with mumbled apologies. Janus rolled his eyes and muttered a sarcastically impatient, “Come here,” as he reached to hug Patton with both arms.

“Just because you’ve done it alone all this time doesn’t mean you should continue to, darling,” he said as Patton gripped the front of Janus’ shirt, letting himself be selfishly consoled, for just a second he told himself. “You can rely on me, that’s all I’ve been trying to say,” He chastised gently. “The others will get used to it again. Thomas isn’t giving them much of a choice on that one,” His tone gained a humored edge and Patton whined softly. Janus chuckled and gave him a final squeeze before gently pushing him away with hands on his upper arms. “As for everything else,” He continued as Patton sniffled, “We’ll figure it out,” Janus said nonchalantly, with a fond smile.

“Together?” Patton whispered, his voice cracking.

“Together.”

Chapter One || Chapter Two

#moceitappreciationweek #moceit appreciation week #moceit week 2021 #moceit #sanders sides

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writingsoftheghost · 4 years

Text

Caught up in a bet

Tw: cursing, sexual innuendos and references (Remus)

“Nobody else does it right,” Remus says softly, “It doesn’t hurt when you do it, you have a gift.”

Patton stops bandaging Remus’s hand, his face is tinted red, “Thank you, Remus. I’m happy to help.”

Remus nods as Patton finishes up, he waves to Patton before ducking out of the bathroom to go wreak havoc somewhere else. He’ll probably be coming to Patton for more bandages before dinner time.

Patton heads back into the living room, Janus is sitting on the couch reading a novel. He looks up when he sees Patton.

“Hello, Patton. You’re looking very nice today.” He says nonchalantly.

Patton feels heat flood his cheeks once more, he’d worn a nicer shirt than usual and had a new pair of khakis,“Th-thank you, Janus.”

The deceitful side only hums in response before returning his attention back to his book.

Several more instances like that would occur throughout the day. Remus and Janus discuss it after everyone else has gone to bed.

“Patton is so easily flustered! You show him the slightest hint of kindness and he blushes! He makes it too easy!” Remus cackles. “I bet I could cook an egg on his face with a few words!”

“Yes, he is rather susceptible to compliments, especially when delivered by me.” Janus smiles.

“What do you mean by that?” Remus asks in a challenging tone.

“Well, it’s obvious I’m the more suave of us. And you’re, well...not as adept at making others feel good.”

“Oh I think I’m rather good at making people feel good,” Remus says suggestively.

“Eugh. That’s exactly what I’m talking about, you cretin. That’s why I make him blush so much and you only see it in passing.”

“Is that a challenge?” Remus asks, a dangerous fire already lighting up behind his eyes.

“Care to make a bet?” The snake smirks mischievously.

“Oh hoho, I very much do.” Remus grins devilishly.

“I bet I can make Patton blush more in a week than you can,” Janus says dryly.

“Whats the stakes?” Remus asks.

“Hm...I’ll make your favorite cake. Now what will you do when I win?”

“What do you want?”

“Take a bath, please,” Janus says without hesitation.

“Why do you always bet that?!” Remus whines.

“Because you never do it,” Janus says with an eye roll.

“Fair enough,” Remus sighs.

And so the bet began.

It started small enough, Remus telling Patton his hair looked good that day, Janus telling him his smile was especially radiant that day, and Patton blushing at all of it.

Then things escalated, Remus telling Patton his eyes were stunning, Janus telling him his dimples were cute. By Wednesday things had gotten way out of hand. Patton couldn’t go more than an hour without Remus telling him that he looked especially fuckable that day or Janus saying that his nose scrunched in the cutest way when he laughed.

Quickly though, both had decided to kick it up a notch, Janus began kissing Patton’s hand in greeting, Remus stroked his hair while they watched tv. The physical touch left Patton absolutely exhilarated.

Patton didn’t know what he’d done to bring this all on but he was loving it, no one had ever complimented him like that before! And Patton hadn’t realized how much he craved someone saying positive things about him. And the hugs! The hand holding! It was all so awesome. But no matter how often it occurred, Patton couldn’t help but blush as red as a tomato each time.

By the next Sunday his face was almost always tinted a shade of red, it was hard to catch him without a smile on his face. Everything has started to feel a lot better.

Then the next day, something changed. He’d run into Remus who smelled clean, which was odd. But Remus only said hello and goodbye to him. No compliments. Patton wasn’t worried, he knew he couldn’t expect Remus to call him pretty every time he saw him.

But then when he sat down on the couch next to Janus, there were no kind words. Only a brief glance of acknowledgement. Patton frowned, but quickly blew it off. He couldn’t always be the center of attention, and he shouldn’t always expect to be.

But as the day goes on, and he doesn’t get any compliments from Janus or Remus, Patton starts to worry that maybe he did something wrong. Did he upset them? Were they angry with him? What had he done?

He didn’t say anything to them that day, they spoke to him at dinner like they always have. They didn’t seem to be upset with him. But there were no kind hands on his back telling him his smile was beautiful or that his laugh was music. No one was brushing their hands through his hair while they watched tv.

The next day was the same, neither of them spoke to him like they were angry, but they didn’t compliment his hair that he’d spent a lot more time on today. He received no hugs when he went to bed. And Patton felt horrible. He couldn’t figure out what he’d done. He let it go on like this for two more days, but on Thursday night it all became too much.

Remus found him crying in the kitchen while he made brownies. He quickly walks over and takes the pan from his hands and places it on the counter.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong, Daddy? What’s got your sweater in a bunch?” He takes Patton’s hands and sets him down at the kitchen table.

“N-no-thing, I’m so-o-o-rry,” he chokes out.

Remus shakes his head, “Don’t do that, Patty. Come on, tell me what happened? Do you need me to kill someone?”

Patton shakes his head.

“Then what is it?” Remus asks him, his voice is far too gentle to belong to Remus.

Patton finally breaks, “Wh-hat d-did I d-do wrong?”

Remus frowns, “What do you mean?”

“Why don’t yo-you and J-Janus talk so nicely to me anymore?”

Remus cocks his head to the side, “What do you mean? We don—”He pauses as it dawns on him, “Oh. Oh, Patton, I’m so sorry. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Patton looks at him, tears still streaming down his cheeks, “But w-why else w-would—”

“Oh, god, Pat. I’m gonna go get Double D and we’re gonna have a nice talk, okay? Please don’t cry anymore. I’m so sorry.” He gently brushes his fingers across Patton’s cheek. Patton grabs his hand before he can pull away.

“P-please. Don’t leave.” He looks at Remus with pleading eyes and Remus can’t bear the thought of him being left down here alone again.

“Okay, how about you come with me? Is that okay?” He tugs Patton into his arms and quickly scoops him up, Patton wraps his arms around him like a koala. He buries his face in Remus’s shoulder. Remus can feel tears seeping into his shirt and he feels guilt seep into his body with ever one of them.

He knocks on the yellow door, “J, get out here. We have a situation.”

Patton grabs his hand before he can knock any louder, “What if he’s asleep. I don’t wanna upset him.”

Remus shakes his head, “He’s not asleep, and we upset you.”

Patton shakes his head insistently, “I don’t want him to be mad at me.”

“He won’t be, cookie. Just relax.” Remus runs his hand up and down Patton’s back a few times before he knocks again.

“What have you done now, Rem—” he stops as soon as he sees Patton in Remus’s arms.

“What happened? Is Patton alright?” He quickly tries to examine Patton, but the fatherly trait keeps hiding his face in Remus’s shirt.

“We did a bad thing, Jan. A really bad thing. You gotta come downstairs.” Remus says quietly.

Janus only nods and let’s Remus lead him downstairs and to the couch. Remus gently strokes Patton’s hair and whispers softly to him. “You wanna tell him, Pat? Or do I need to?”

Patton only shakes his head and ducks back into Remus’s shoulder.

“Alright, then I’m gonna tell him.” He turns to Janus, “Our bet, Jan. We didn’t realize what would happen to Patton after it ended. He thinks he did something wrong because we stopped being sweet to him.”

Janus’s eyes widen with realization. “I...I should have realized this would happen. I’m so sorry for involving you in our petty bet. We shouldn’t have done that to you, Patton.” He places his hand on Patton’s back.

Patton finally shows him his face, tear tracks evident all the way down his cheeks. “So you were only being nice because of a bet? You didn’t mean any of it?” His voice shakes.

Janus is quick to rectify it, “No! No, of course not. I didn’t mean any of it.” He lies. “Remus and I care for you deeply, and would like to continue to show you if you’re comfortable with that.”

Patton nods, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.”

Janus shakes his head, “I want to, Pat. I’m so sorry we stopped. We shouldn’t have ever stopped showing you we cared and we definitely shouldn’t have started sooner.”

Patton giggles and Remus’s chest loosens, hes gonna be okay. They didn’t break the little guy, he’s laughing.

“How about you come stay in my room tonight?” Janus says as he brushes Patton’s hair away from his eyes.

Patton nods and starts to get up, he freezes and then runs back to the kitchen.

“Patty? You okay?” Remus asks as he follows him.

“My brownies!” Patton exclaims. “I gotta finish them!”

“Oh,” Janus chuckles from behind Remus, “You want some help?”

Patton smiles and nods, “That would be great!”

So the trio spend the next hour making brownies and cleaning up the kitchen. It’s almost one in the morning when Remus carries a sleeping Patton to bed.

I got this prompt from this post made by @kawaiikat54 and I really hope they like it.

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 3 years

Text

Out of the House

Series summary: Ever the paranormal enthusiast Remus is excited when he finds an abandoned house creepy enough to have ghosts in it with no chance of being caught trespassing. He quickly finds himself in over his head however when his fantasies come true, fighting to solve a mystery with the only possible outcome being losing someone he comes to love.

Platonic dukexiety focus

This series was created for dukexiety week 2021. I’m posting after but here is the list of prompts!

Chapter 1: I’ll be Here by Day

Chapter Summary: When Remus gets them kicked out of the library, he takes Logan and Janus with him to an old, abandoned house as a new study location. This don’t go to plan as Remus is confronted with something he didn’t think was possible.

Pairings: Platonic Dukexiety (Remus & Virgil), background Lociet (Logan x Janus)

Day 1 Prompt: Myths/Supernatural

Warnings: mild swearing, mild sexual innuendos, injury mention, paranormal events. If there are others please let me know!

WC: 2873

AO3 link

Main masterlist

“Do you mind?” Remus grinned as his platforms were slowly but surely nudged off the chair, Logan's nose scrunched in disgust as ze examined the dirt on zir pencil. “Highly unsanitary.”

“It’ll help your immune system.” Long fingers reached over to flick at the pages of whatever book Logan had had zir nose buried in for the better part of an hour. He snapped them back with a yelp however as his knuckles were rapped hard with the pointy end of the No. 2.

“That's if you eat it Remus, and such sentiments are usually reserved for children to placate parents when they can’t keep their spawn from shoving every little thing into their mouths-”

“Well if you wanted to lick my boots Logan you just had to ask.” Remus waggled tiks eyebrows suggestively, grinning wide as the other turned beat red.

“I AM NOT-”

“Logan, honey, volume. And Remus stop being gross we invited you here to study not air our desperation.” Janus’ quiet drawl diffused the situation immediately as both parties screwed their mouths to the side and looked away. Remus heard the librarian huff and stalk away with furious clicks of his heels, no doubt miffed at the missed chance to kick them out for the third time that week.

“Jannie Jan. J-anus. Jan-ass. Jan-assist me with this b-”

“Afternoon Remus. New piercing already?”

Nodding excitedly, Remus leaned over Logan’s books, ignoring the put upon sigh behind him and staring at the redhead with wide eyes. Janus smirked as he watched the other’s eyebrows jump up and down, the fluorescent bulbs of the library catching the two studs placed right at the end of the left brow that morning.

“Looks nice. I like the green.”

“Remus if you keep doing those yourself you’re going to get an infection. Please, I’ve told you so many times I know the tattoo artist down the street, I can get you discount piercings.”

Remus craned his neck nearly all the way around, a manic grin thrown over tiks shoulder as Logan stared at him in horror. “Awe you like meeeeee.”

Shooting Janus the “it’s your turn look” while being bumped repeatedly in the shoulder by Remus’ swaying hips Logan pressed zir mouth into a thin line as the return eyebrow raise of “you owe me for last time” was shot right back. Rolling zir eyes Logan shoved back with zir shoulder sending Remus right back in the chair.

“You.” Logan hissed. “Are going to get us kicked out again. I quite enjoy this library, so take this and for the love of god stay relatively quiet!”

So saying a silicone sword on a string was pressed into Remus’ hands, who inspected the obnoxiously green object for a moment before shrugging and shoving it into his mouth. “Long and thick, I like it.”

The undignified snort Janus didn’t quite manage to cover followed by a shriek as his shins were kicked from under the table was enough to teleport the librarian over to them. Glaring down his nose at the two properly chastised of the group and the one currently grinning like an idiot he pointed aggressively towards the door in a way that dared them to argue.

“Out.”

“Yes ma’am.” Logan and Janus muttered as they collected their things. Remus jumped up with a salute that received an icy glare stern enough to freeze if Remus had actually been paying attention- as it was tik merely swung his pack up and over tiks shoulder nearly hitting the man in the process. A final self satisfied huff and a slammed door later found all three of them kicking pebbles on the sidewalk, put out and annoyed but certainly not surprised.

“Remus, I care for you a great deal but at the moment I would like to yeet you into the road.” Logan turned to Janus slightly. “Usage?”

Ignoring Remus’ giggling, Janus nodded. “It’s correct.”

“We could go to your flat?” Logan asked hopefully, wilting as Janus shook his head.

“Roommates are having their own study session and between Remus’...” Janus paused and watched as the other tried to snap a bug into his book, nearly snapping his nose as tik tripped in the process. “...Remus and my more distracting noises I don’t think we’d be welcome back just yet.”

“They could just wear headphones.” Logan muttered, clearly annoyed.

“Yes well, not everyone understands vocal stims and I don’t want to get into another argument with them about it. I rather enjoy my flat and if I could continue to live in it that would be lovely.”

“I know a place!” Remus jumped suddenly between them. “I found it last week looking for-”

“Remus we are not studying in a graveyard or a morgue or a house you think is haunted. I understand your love of ghosts but-”

“This one’s really nice I promise!” Remus interrupted, giving Logan puppy eyes that had zir rolling zir eyes yet again. “It’s in that weird in between of broken down enough that no one wants it but not enough that the government or whatever wants to step in yet...so I think technically no one owns it?”

“Is that how that works?” Janus turned to Logan curiously.

Logan opened zir mouth to argue, finger already in the “in fact it isn’t” position before pausing to consider. “I- I’d like to say no but I don’t know enough about property rights in this state to argue.”

“In this state?” Janus’ question was ignored in favor of Logan blocking Remus’ book from slamming into zir nose.

“It’s safe?” Janus asked instead.

“Yeah! Well-” Remus mumbled around tiks chewelry, tugging the book out of Logan’s grip and stuffing it uncaringly into tiks bag. “Just don’t go on the second floor I guess...stairs look a bit not great. But! It doesn’t have a basement so the first floor is safe! And most of the windows are broken so it doesn’t smell or anything.”

“....and we’re taking those as good points and moving on. Logan?”

Pinching the bridge of zir nose and pushing zir blue tinted hair out of zir face, Logan eyed the man currently bouncing up and down in excitement and nearly jostling the papers out of tiks open backpack. Smiling fondly ze shrugged. “If it's quiet I don’t see why-”

“Yes! Come on, I know a shortcut!”

Janus and Logan watched as Remus took off at a sprint, using the momentum to throw his pack over the fence and picking up half the papers that flew out of it before hopping it tikself. Scooping most of his things back up he continued running across the residentials backyards and turning out of sight around the far corner.

Holding his hand out Janus smiled wryly. “I know which house he’s talking about, it isn’t far. Sidewalk or yards?”

“The sidewalk is better- I can’t hold your hand trying to hop a fence.” So saying Logan slipped zir hand into the others’, but not before smugly observing his reddening cheeks.

“Sap.”

“No, a flirt?” Holding in his laughter, Janus tugged Logan along, walking faster than normal in the hopes that the wind would cool his face.

-----

“Ta-da!” Remus twirled in the entryway, flinging his bag to the side of the hall as tik did. Sneezing in the resulting dust he quickly shuffled back further into the house. The space had probably been a living room before the previous owners moved, though as it stood now it seemed even the house had forgotten what it once was. Old, warped floorboards held only water damage as memories, groaning and giving slightly when anyone stepped on them. As it was they protested heavily as Remus uncaringly rocked back and forth on his heels, waiting for the others to actually step inside.

“You’re sure this is safe?” Logan cautioned as ze stepped gingerly around a pile of plaster that had long since crumbled off the wall by the door.

“Oh absolutely! Nothing’s fallen on me yet that wasn't already on the floor when I got here.” Tik paused as tik glanced towards the stairs- rickety, broken things that looked like blowing a fan in their direction would collapse them- and winced. “Just...don’t use the stairs. I put my foot through the first one by accident trying to explore the other day.”

“Of course you did.” Janus sniffed, looking them up and down before he stopped to squint at the top. It looked like they led to a hallway that turned a corner to the rest of the second floor, a small window letting in a meager amount of sunlight through the dirty glass. The hallway and resulting corner was shrouded in half shadow that made shapes dance around the edges and goosebumps race up and down his arms. Only half paying attention to whatever Remus and Logan were currently arguing about, he took a step closer to the staircase, back tensing even if he couldn’t make anything out that could be triggering such a response.

Squinting harder he tilted his head trying to get a better angle from his vantage point at the very bottom of the steps. The shadows seemed to shift every so slightly right at the turn of the wall that would lead into the hallway, making him blink and step back in surprise. Hackles raised in earnest now he frantically searched up and down the stairway and everywhere he could see of the upper landing but there was no more movement in any direction. The top of the steps however was brighter now, as if the dirty panes had only been a trick of dust in his eyes. Now it was simply slightly smeared glass- nevertheless letting sunlight through cheerily and letting it shine halfway down the steps- hardly a trace of shadow to be found in what he could have sworn was a dingy landing only moments before.

“Hey Jannie Jan you good? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“...Remus, you’re sure this house is empty? You never heard anything or saw any- I don’t know empty wrappers or anything?” Stepping fully away from the stairs Janus turned towards Remus and gripped the straps of his backpack tight enough to bruise his fingers.

“No, why? I mean- no one else is here. I’ve spent a few days exploring this place and hanging out, there’s just the first floor which is pretty clean other than well,” he gestured around at the wallpaper, plaster and dust littering the floor, along with the broken glass shoved carefully back underneath the windows. “And the second floor I already said I couldn’t get to and I doubt anyone else could even if they wanted to. I never heard anything other than what I think is a mouse or squirrel or something in the wall over there.”

“That doesn’t completely eradicate the possibility of squatters in the building but considering the state of the place I’d say it’s very unlikely.” Logan nodded at Remus before turning back to peer at Janus curiously. “I would assume that was what you were implying, Janus. Are you alright?”

Janus screwed his mouth to the side, considering just dropping the subject or lying to save face somewhat. Just as he was about to snark out something about watching too many of Remus’ cheesy ghost hunting shows, a wave of dread so solid it left him breathless slammed into him. Ice filled his veins and his legs tensed as every reflex in his body told him in no uncertain terms to run before it was too late.

“I want to leave.”

“What, why?” Remus quickly jogged over to where Janus was reaching for the door handle, Logan hot on his heels.

“I don’t want to get arrested for trespassing! And this place-” He turned around and glanced to the stairs again. “It doesn’t feel right. I’d rather brave my roommates.”

“Are you scared?” Remus asked incredulously.

“No!” Whirling around the other man locked eyes with Logan. “You agree with me right?”

Logan twisted h=zir fingers for a moment, not looking at either of them. “It does feel odd I suppose.”

“Then that’s that then! Stay in your creepy house if you want Remus, we’re leaving.” So saying Janus grabbed up Logan’s hand and bag, practically dragging zir out the door.

Remus stood inside the doorway for a moment before tiks shoulders slumped and tik turned back inside. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy to fix them getting kicked out of the library...again. The house was creepy sure but it had been abandoned for who knows how long and was falling in on itself, what had they expected?

Idly he kicked at a loose nail and sent it skittering across the floor towards the stairs. Tik hadn’t ever felt scared in this house- not even when his weight snapped the first step and he thought he’d be stuck in the house until tiks body rotted through the hole he’d made. A less favorable thought sure but not one tik wasn’t familiar enough with to hold it against the house. Huffing he flopped down against the far wall and drug tiks bag over to tik, fishing around for his phone so he could apologize to Janus and Logan and hope they weren’t too mad at tik...again.

He nearly dropped his phone when something bounced off the back of it, clattering to the floor between tiks feet. He leaned forward to see...a nail? Raising his eyebrow tik looked up to the stairs while flicking the nail towards them, searching for the one he had kicked but seeing nothing other than dust. The one tik flicked bounced off the bottom step and spun for a minute before stopping suddenly just a few inches away. Remus slowly lowered his phone and watched it curiously, the hairs on his arms standing in alarm but refusing to eat tikself actually be scared. It was a nail- an old rusty one at that- and the house was old with its windows smashed through. The air currents were probably playing around with-

There was a slight pain in his outer ear and tik flinched to the side to see what bug had bit him. Instead he saw a nail embedded into the wall, still quivering slightly with the force it had apparently been shot with. Swallowing nervously tik glanced back to the stairs searching frantically for the one he had seen not five seconds ago only to see nothing but dust once again.

“Okay.” He exhaled shakily and stood up, pocketing his phone and grabbing up tiks bag. “Yeah, okay. So- ghost right? Listen, I love being nailed as much as the next person but-”

He was cut off with small, unassuming jingling sounds, almost sounding like hail hitting the outside of a window. The sun was still shining brightly however, despite the rapidly declining temperature inside and he began to look around in earnest to make out what the sound was. Tik had always told himself that if tik ever had an experience like this he’d be sure to catch it in camera- and none of the shaky handed blurry footage shit everyone else tried to pass off thank you very much Logan- but at the moment his phone was forgotten in a white-knuckled grip. He watched as bits of glass slid over the worn floors with enough force to gouge the wood, jingling merrily on their way to a rapidly darkening staircase with shadows dripping like black mold from the second floor above.

Tik could do nothing but stand frozen even as every instinct and shred of common sense he had ever had screamed at tik to turn and run while he still could. The glass whirled around a shape in the middle of the stairs, a ball of shadow descending step by step that seemed to stare through him though tik couldn’t see any indication the thing had eyes. His vision tunneled and distantly he was aware tiks breathing had picked up- mildly concerning considering the microscopic pieces of glass ripping through the air- everything narrowing down to this one moment. This one entity that without a shred of doubt in Remus’ mind he knew wanted him dead.

“G̸̮̗̘͔͔̖̕E̴̛͚̣͖͇̗͙̺̭̔̈́̂̀̈́̔̕͠͝͝T̵̨̜̹̲̬̦͕͇͒̓͒̀͑ ̵͕͖̳̱͎͕̝̥̐̉͗̃Ǒ̵̡͎̥̣̳̙̜̜͓̠̲͍̿̐͐̎́̓̽̊͘͘͜͝͠Ṷ̶̢̟̠͙̯̱̝̠̹̪͚̠̽̇̄́͌̔̀̌͠͝T̸͎͐̆̐!̵͉́̅̋̑͑̈̀̈́̄!̷̰̈́̀̑̾͌̊”

The force of the distorted voice rattled the walls and sent plaster raining down onto Remus, who finally felt his legs twitch just as tik felt the first pinpricks of glass against his face. Wasting not a second more he turned on tiks heel and tripped tiks way through the entry hall and out the door, hearing it slam shut behind him as he hopped the fence and took off down the road faster than tik had ever run in his life. Shocked gasps rushed past his lips as tik just kept pumping his legs and let tikself be led on autopilot all the way to his apartment, bursting through the door and slamming it behind him. Heavy breaths filled the short hall and he slumped to the floor, mildly surprised when his phone thunked to the floor in front of tik.

“Holy shit.” He whispered, tiks head thumping heavily into the door behind him.

“Holy fucking shit.”

If you liked this, please reblog. Reblogs help creators share their work.

#false writes #dukexiety #lociet #remus sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #ghost au #platonic dukexiety #tw swearing #tw minor injury #tw injury #tw paranormal #out of the house #ooth

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lovelivingmydreams · 4 years

Text

The blame game

@sanderssides-secretsanta for @averykedavra

Rating: PG

Pairings: whatever you want. Any actions can be read as platonic or romantic I’m not telling you how to enjoy this fic. Aka I couldn't pic.

Hurt comfort

Triggers: hospital, injury, pain, burns, coma, mention of abduction

Summary: A couple of years ago people disappeared. And then months later they started showing up again. Some escaping, some being freed. No one knew what exactly went on in those months. All evidence was destroyed before answers could be found and the victims were unwilling to testify. Until one group, the first to break free, showed up when a building collapsed and used incredible abilities to save the day. They spoke out about what had happened, and swore themselves to serve and protect the public interest.

Time went on and now the victims that all had gained some type of power are accepted into society. The team is still doing what they can to save others and protect each other. This story takes place during what should've been a routine mission.

“We have to finish up. Under current circumstances we have 3.4 minutes until the building collapses.”

“I did a sweep, I didn’t hear anyone calling out and no heartbeats. Pat can you feel anyone?”

“No kiddo, it seems all clear on my end too.”

“Marvelous. Jan how is our cover holding up?”

“I’m fine Roman. I can hold it for a few more minutes.”

“Remus do you have yourself together?”

“All bits and pieces accounted for Bro! Though Jan can always check later to make sure.”

“And that’s enough. I’m taking you first.”

“Virgin! So forward!”

“If you upset him Remus, I swear to god!”

“Relax RoRo…”

…

“I’m back. Come on popstar. They are getting closer, we have to hurry.”

“Maybe take Lo first… If I’m too far I can’t…”

“It’s just for a minute Padre.”

The connection fell away. Indicating Virgil had indeed brought Patton out of range.

“Two more minutes,” Logan stated as he joined Janus at the street side of the shop they were hiding in.

“I am sooo glad the looters came to cause extra chaos. I was just thinking that evacuating the citizens from earthquake shaken buildings wasn’t enough of a challenge,” Janus grumbled annoyed.

“We shall deal with them once we are all outside,” Roman assured him as he too joined them.

“Next passenger please,” Virgil announced as he came to a halt right behind Roman, making him jump.

“Stop doing that!” he demanded.

“Only if you stop being funny when I do,” he teased while picking up Logan.

“This never seizes to be mildly embarrassing,” Logan huffed displeased. Being carried out bridal style by their youngest member was a little awkward for everyone. Well except for Remus. But he wasn’t bothered by anything. “Do you prefer a piggy back ride?” Virgil teased.

The circumstances that led to the formation of their team had been far from pleasant. Virgil especially still had nightmares and flashbacks. But they all enjoyed the power sets they were given. Though if they could choose they’d do without the trauma. The only thing they wouldn’t give up for that was each other.

“And you all secretly like being held,” Virgil insisted before taking off. Roman and Janus exchanged a glance wondering if Virgil was just teasing or if he actually could tell that they appreciated the rare opportunity to have Virgil actually welcome physical closeness.

They all were pretty close after everything. And any awkwardness about being emotionally vulnerable around one another had gone out the window long ago. Still Virgil felt the need to act tough to make them not worry about him. It didn't work, but he still tried.

“I better get going. I’m not fond of Logan’s ticking clock,” Roman stated.

“Yeah, I’ll give us a little more cover. V only needs 10 seconds to get me out anyway.” Jan didn’t want to risk the rioters seeing them now. There was no telling what they’d do.

Roman nodded and started to sprint to the exit.

Janus turned away, but then his heart stopped when he heard a crashing sound and a pained outcry.

“Roman!” Virgil gasped behind him.

“I’m fine, get J. I’ll-” Roman cut himself off with a loud curse.

“You hurt your ankle,” Virgil concluded. Janus looked back and watched as the young hero gathered Roman in his arms. “J I’ll be back for you soon okay?” He didn’t wait for an answer.

Janus considered just dropping the illusion of an empty trashed store with faulty wiring and make his way to the back to meet Virgil halfway. But the rioters were hot on their heels now. He couldn’t risk anyone following them. Not that anyone would be able to once Virgil had him. But if anyone was inside when the building gave out…

Suddenly something flew through a window. A flaming bottle? Janus could see it heading to an isle with cleaning products. He realized what was about to happen at the same time that he saw Virgil return and hesitate upon detecting something moving in his peripheral.

Janus acted without thinking. He dropped the illusion and tackled Virgil to the ground.

Janus moved to cover Virgil’s body with his own. There was an infinite fraction of a second of blinding pain. He never even registered the sound of the explosion. Just pain and then darkness.

He heard the murmuring and the zooming and beeping of machines. He felt disoriented. What happened…?

“Come on J. Please wake up,” Patton? He sounded like he’d been crying.

“Patton I… I don’t think…” Logan’s voice. Not quite as steady and certain as he normally sounded.

“Don’t finish that sentence! He has to wake up! I don’t know what we’re supposed to do if he… If he…” Patton started sobbing, the sounds muffled by something. That wasn’t right. Janus tried to open his eyes but it was hard.

“I can’t… We are supposed to stick together… and he… And then Virgil…”

Virgil? Suddenly Janus remembered. No. Virgil had to be fine. He made sure of that right?

Janus forced his eyes open and found Patton clinging to Logan’s frame on his right. Remus sitting uncharacteristically quiet and still behind them.

He blinked a few times. Something was off. His sight… And why did his face feel weird… Everything felt weird.

“Hi,” was all he was able to force out of his throat.

Remus perked up, Patton and Logan nearly jumped at the unexpected sound. All of them had bloodshot eyes. He’d expected as much from Patton. He was in a hospital and something was going on with Virgil. But it took a lot for Logan and Remus to cry.

“Janus,” Logan breathed as they all gathered at his bedside. Logan grabbed his hand to squeeze it. Janus squeezed back and felt Logan relax instantly.

“Wha…” Janus tried, hoping he managed to bring across the pleading tone he intended despite the pain in his throat keeping him from saying much.

“You’ve been unconscious for the past month. There were several operations and you have only been breathing on your own for the past 21 hours and 28 minutes.” That explained the pain in his throat.

“Pat? Eyes…” he asked. He was burned. He was no idiot. He just wanted to know how bad and Patton could show him.

“I don’t know Jan…” Patton bit his lip looking at Logan for help. Their academic friend nodded in agreement.

“There is… Someone like us on staff. We were to alert her once you’d awoken so she could heal you up some more. It is probably best not to distress you until she has,” Logan urged.

So it was really bad. “Call…” he managed. Maybe then he would be able to talk better afterwards.

“Very well…” Logan pressed a button.

“Re… V…” Remus didn’t do sugarcoating. He would tell him no matter how bad…

“Roman is watching the Emo. We’ll all go to see them together soon,” Remus murmured. Now Janus was getting really worried. What was going on? Remus was never this… restrained.

“Remus. We have all repetitively told you, you did not delay Virgil in any way,” Logan insisted sternly.

“Yeah Rem. None of us think you did anything wrong that day. And I’m sure Jan and V would agree.”

Wait, why hadn't. Virgil told him to stop moping yet? Why wasn’t he here? Why did he need someone to watch over him?

“I should have sat still. I knew we had little time left. Instead I made Virgil slow his step to make sure he didn't drop me.”

“We all delayed him in our own way Remus. It was a collection of circumstances. If anything, I should have taken the violent nature of the rioters into account and adjusted my timeframe accordingly.

We all relied too much on my prediction and…”

“Don’t you start that again. I could have tried to get a feel of the crowd and told you. Then you might've known there was a risk too consider!” Patton protested.

“Patton you couldn’t have possibly…”

“It’s my job Lo! I should look after all of you guys. I’m the one who keeps us happy and together and now everyone is sad and… and…” Patton was shaking with sobs again. Only now did Janus remember that when Patton was tired (physically or emotionally) his empathic ability played up without him wanting to. His telepathic link on the other became much harder to establish under such circumstances. Which meant that while Patton couldn’t find comfort in linking with the others, his usual coping tool for anything bad going on, he felt his own feelings on top of everyone else’s unfiltered.

Logan seemed to realize this too. “Patton, I’m sorry. I should have realized. You need not burden yourself with our guilt as well as your own. Please, please forgive me this oversight?” he asked with a comforting hand on Patton’s shoulder, the other still holding Janus’.

Patton gave a small tired smile. “It’s not your fault Lo… You guys don’t have to repress your own feelings just for me. We are all a bit stressed out and…”

“Pardon me?” Everyone immediately looked to the door. Well everyone except Janus who couldn’t turn his head very well. But he got there.

His left eye still was not right but he could discern a figure at the door. Hopefully this person was the one who could get him out of this bed so he could finally get answers.

“Ah. Doctor Laffeye. Thank you for coming. As you can see Janus has woken up. Could you…?”

The figure came closer and seemed to look down at Janus.

“Hello. Elena Lafeye, she/her… Your eye isn’t doing so well it seems.” She sounded kind and disappointed by her observation. That wasn't good.

“No See…” he croaked.

“And your troath probably feels pretty painful too. I’m going to do my best to help the healing process along. But I find that I get the best result in several sessions rather than one go. You just tell me when it starts to feel painful. That might indicate that I am rushing some stitches or something like that. Sometimes the body just protests being forced to heal. It is important that you are honest, or it’ll be worse in the end okay?”

Janus felt frustrated, what was the point of a healing ability if it couldn't get him back to normal right away? But, if he could get well enough to get out of the room to wherever Roman and Virgil were... Then that was enough right?

“Kay,” he promised.

“Good. I have told this to your friends, but I’ll repeat it to you. Thank you. For speaking out about it all. You guys make life much easier for the rest of us. Thank you.”

Janus thought she sounded sincere, but he could not see her face clearly enough to be sure.

“No prob…” No, that was as far as he got.

“Top to bottom then,” she said. It was not a question.

Janus expected Remus to laugh or make a joke, but he didn’t and that was terrifying. Did he really feel that responsible? Or did he look so terible that even Remus couldn't make light of the situation?

“Here we go.”

It started with a light tingling sensation in his left eye. It became warm and then it was kind of like a static… “Stop,” he croaked as he forcibly shut his eye when the first sting occurred.

When he opened his eye though he could see improvement. It wasn’t as sharp as he was used to. But he no longer felt like he was half blind.

“Wow, it looks a lot better!” Patton exclaimed, probably trying to assure Janus. Sadly Janus could only think about how Patton didn't say he was back to normal.

“I am going to focus on your face now,” the doctor warned and the tingling started again.

“Stop,” Janus rasped again when it started to feel like a web of glowing hot wires was put against his skin.

“Okay. I’ll move on to your throat. This shouldn’t hurt as much considering most of the trauma from the accident has healed on it’s own. Any damage left now is from the breathing and feeding tube. This is just to make you more comfortable with speaking.”

This time the doctor stopped before Janus got even a little uncomfortable.

“How’s that?” she asked.

“Well…” That didn’t hurt. “Better. Thank you.”

“Good. Now… Let’s see if we can get you well enough to leave the bed alright? I’m sure you’d like to check in on your other friends as well.”

Yes! Please, let me see them. “Okay.”

The doctor took in a deep breath and the warm sensation kept traveling up and down the left side of his body. From his fingertips to his shoulder, through his torso, down his leg to his toes and back.

Up and down, over and over again.

“S… Stop please,” he gasped when the warmth started to burn.

“Okay… how does that feel? Can you try and sit up?”

Janus blinked. Right, he’d stayed put so far. To be fair even moving his head had been exhausting a few minutes ago.

“Um… Yeah,” he murmured as he carefully moved his arms. His left stung a bit, but it was manageable. He’d deal with it if it meant they’d go to see Virgil.

“Carefull Jan!” Patton pleads as he frantically flayed his hands around wanting to push him down but scared to touch.

“It’s alright sir. I think he’s got it,” the doctor stated soothingly. Once Janus sat up the doctor nodded satisfied and left with the promise of checking on them again in an hour.

“Patton. Will you show me now?” Janus asked as soon as they were left alone.

“I…”

“Please. I need to know,” he pleaded. He could feel something wasn’t right with his body. He was too much of a coward to simply look down though. He told himself he wanted to see the full picture. That he wanted to see what the public would see when he inevitably would be swarmed by reporters. But honestly, he hoped that if he looked through Patton's eyes he wouldn't hate what he’d see as much.

Patton once again turned to the others. Remus squirmed, avoiding his eyes. Logan sighed and squeezed Patton’s shoulder, encouraging him to turn to him.

"He will only get more stressed by not knowing. We can hardly keep him away from reflective surfaces. Best he sees it when he has a chance to mentally prepare." With that Logan's steady gaze directed itself towards Janus.

"You were burned on the entire left side of your body. There were many skin transplants performed to help save your life. Are you really ready to see yourself?"

Janus wasn't sure if he was. But he knew he had to see.

He gave them a firm nod.

Patton sighed resigned to the decision "Ok... 3, 2... 1."

Janus struggled not to scream out in horror. The man he saw trough Patton's eyes wasn't him. The left side of his body was an awful patchwork. It couldn't be. And this was after accelerated healing?

"Is... is this why Roman and Virgil aren't here?" he asked with a shaking voice. He wasn't sure how he'd feel if the answer was yes.

"No! No of course not!" Paton exclaimed. It should have been a relief. But if they weren't avoiding him...

"Then... why? What happened?"

Silence filled the room.

"Patton was linked with the rest of us," Remus started, his voice unnervingly... normal.

"When the explosion went of... you know how we sometimes link up subconsciously. We all blanked for a second due to the pain." So he'd sent out an SOS...

And everyone had felt what did this to him...

“But Roman… He shot in action. By the time we realized you two were in danger he was already back at the building. He told us he found you two buried under some rubble. You were on top of Virgil who wasn’t burned at all, but he was unconscious. Roman managed to wake him up though and… Well we finally found out what happens when ‘survival’,” their nickname for Virgil’s power set, “Is pushed to the limit. Virgil told Roman to pick you up and next thing Roman knew you were all back with us and Virgil collapsed from overexertion.”

Patton and Logan nodded. “The doctors say he pushed his muscles so hard that they broke a few bones. There were hairline fractures all over. And… He still hasn’t woken up,” Patton explained sadly.

“Roman aggravated his injury going after you two, but he couldn't be made to care about his own recovery. He has refused to leave Virgil's side unless he knew one of us took his place. We’ve been taking turns to let him freshen up and visit you. Well Patton and Remus have. Apparently my care was unsatisfactory. Who knows what is going on in his head,” Logan added. Clearly still a little hurt by whatever had led to that decision, and frustrated by what must have been countless fruitless attempts to get Roman to listen to the doctors.

Janus could easily imagine why their theaterloving friend might be acting that way. Roman had declared himself to be their leader. Despite not being the oldest or most experienced in anything. It had been his idea to save people thought. And they all understood that he felt responsible for putting them on this path.

His guilt must run deep.

“I have to go see them,” Janus stated. This time everyone nodded without even a second’s hesitation.

“You won’t be able to walk on your own just yet. Even without your injuries, your muscles haven’t been used in a month. They will have to rebuild strength through physical therapy,” Logan informed him while Patton pulled up a wheelchair.

“I have used the past month to learn how to help you get settled without hurting you. I assumed you would prefer that over a nurse,” he added.

Janus smirked. “Oh no, I was totally hoping some random person would be yanking my body around.”

The other chuckled. “We missed you Jan,” Patton smiled warmly.

And Janus could feel how sincere he was. He could only really smile with his right side, so even when he tried to do it sincerely it probably looked like a smirk. So he gave his friends more of the humor they’d been missing. “I’d say I missed you to. But… I didn’t.”

He could feel the chuckle vibrate trough Logan’s chest as he carefully maneuvered him into the wheelchair.

Patton put himself in charge of steering him while Remus and Logan walked on either side of him, like they were escorting someone powerful or famous. And technically, Janus was both. They all were. They just tended to forget that around one another.

But it became rather apparent when they left the room and there were two armed police officers stationed in front of the door.

“We are going to see Instinct now. You may try to stop us, but it’ll only waste 13minutes and 29 seconds of all of our time before we convince you to let us trough. At the most.” Logan stated. He said it so firmly that anyone who didn’t know him would assume he knew this as a fact thanks to his predictive reasoning. But Janus, and the others surely too, could tell that he was lying. Meaning the guards might be able to stand their ground if they chose to do so.

But as no one bet against Logan’s predictions the guards stepped aside and let them trough.

There were guards in front of the room next to them too. These two however stepped aside right away.

Remus opened the door and they could hear Roman’s voice.

“I’ll let you pick the movies for a month. I won’t ever complain about your loud music again. I’ll admit I’m a big idiot! You can even have that in writing. Just please… Please V… I can’t… We can’t lose you.”

Janus’ heart ached. Their friends had gone through hell the past month.

Patton rolled Janus inside and he felt tears jump to his eyes. Well at least his tear ducts worked.

Roman was holding Virgil’s limp hand in his own. His head resting in the crook of his arm on the bed as he gazed up at their friend’s sleeping face. He was sitting in what looked like a very uncomfortable chair and had yet to realize he had company. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair was a mess.

Janus and Roman were easily the vainest in the group. They knew this and accepted this about themselves. They often bonded over fashion and the sorts.

Logan came closest, though he did not care for fashion or anything like that. He just carefully maintained a professional appearance at all times.

The others didn’t seem to live in the same world when it came to caring for ones appearance. Except for Remus he was from a different universe.

And yet here both theatric, normally impeccably groomed men were. Absolute messes.

“You look terrible,” Janus drawled casually. Because there is no right way to draw attention to your presence in these circumstances.

Roman looked up, his eyes wide, a small ghost of a smile, a tiny spark in his eyes as he took him in.

Well at least his new look didn’t gross him out. Then again, he had apparently seen him look worse.

“I mean, so do I. But I was in a coma for a month. What is your excuse?”

Now the smile did break free, though the spark turned into silent tears. Janus would take it.

He could see Roman was struggling with the desire to come over and check on him and the need to stay close to Virgil.

Luckily Patton rode Janus over to be right in front of Roman so he wouldn’t have to choose.

He turned in his seat, switching Virgil’s hand from his right to his left so he could place his now freed hand gently on the scarred side of Janus’ face. Janus gasped in awe. Leave it to Roman to know, to understand, that Janus needed someone to treat his ruined half as if nothing had changed.

Roman angled Janus’ head and his own so that their foreheads touched.

“Welcome back,” he whispered.

“Good to be back,” Janus responded, feeling an immense weight fall of his chest.

Roman sat back up again, now holding Janus’ hand instead of his face.

“I hope, though I do not deserve such a gift, that you can find it in yourself to forgive me.”

And there it was. “For forgetting how to use a brush?” Janus scoffed.

Roman’s eyes flashed in annoyance. “This is no laughing matter! If I hadn’t tripped you and Virgil would have both been out of the building when that bomb went off! If anyone had ended up in the hospital it would have been me and rightfully so! I have no right to be left with nothing but a fractured ankle! It even healed over by now. Virgil however won’t be fully better for months! Even if he wakes up! And you… You could have died! We were told to prepare for… And the doctors don’t know why Virgil hasn’t woken up yet… and… and… I should’ve protected you both I…” Roman was full on sobbing now.

“Kiddo, no…” Patton whispered weakly.

“Don’t be stupid Romano. Anyone else would’ve waited for the V train and ended up caught in the blast as well or something,” Remus argued.

“Indeed. And there is always a chance that Virgil would have stopped to pick you up anyway and took a moment to tease you before taking you away. You know he likes carrying ‘the prince’ like a princess. You are his favorite to ‘whisk away’. There are an infinite amount of things that still could have gone wrong,” Logan reasoned earnestly.

Roman looked around at them in surprise. “But… I…” Then he stopped himself and allowed himself a chuckle.

“I guess… You all have some good points,” he sighed before letting go of Janus’ hand and turning back towards the bed. Switching his hands once more before dragging his left trough his hair and rubbing his eyes. “Now if only…”

“Tell me someone took a picture of the prince as a pauper.”

When they heard that everyone shot up in attention, except for Janus who didn’t have the strength to do more much more than hold his position right now. But he too turned his head to the bed where Virgil was blinking his eyes as he tried to take everyone in.

“You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he chuckled. Then his eyes landed on Janus and widened.

Janus prepared himself. Last time Virgil saw him he didn’t even have so much as a freckle to tarnish his complexion. Now…

“J? Are you… Does it hurt?” he asked tentatively.

Well… No point in lying. “I’ve felt better,” but he didn’t have to be too honest either.

“Well… For what it’s worth, I think you look wicked. And anyone who has a problem is going to have to deal with me… umph!”

Roman had had enough of sitting around and was embracing Virgil.

“You are awake!” He exclaimed in relieve.

“Okay… Um… How long…?”

“A month,” Logan supplied as he came to stand at Virgil’s other side and ran his hand affectionately trough his hair. “You have a few broken bones that have yet to fully heal and a lot of physical therapy ahead, but now that you are awake, rest assured that you will make a full recovery.”

Virgil nodded in understanding.

“Princey? Can you let go of me now?” he asked.

“I don’t think any of us are ready for that kiddo,” Patton stated trough his happy tears as he sat down on Logan’s side of the bed and placed a hand on Virgil’s knee.

“Yeah! I finally have my creep and horror buddy back!” Remus exclaimed with glee, finally back to normal now that everyone was awake and together it seemed.

“Virgil, I… I thought….” Roman gasped as sobs threatened to overtake him yet again.

“Relax Princey. You don’t get rid of me that easily…” Virgil chuckled. Then he looked at Janus with some sadness in his eyes.

“Thanks. For saving me. I wish it hadn’t been needed though.”

Janus met Virgil’s eyes earnestly. “Of course Virgil. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

“And you have nothing to be sorry over okay kiddo? You did nothing wrong!” Patton insisted.

“Indeed...” Logan started probably about to do the same rational breakdown of Virgil’s actions and possible consequences of other decisions on his part as he’d done for everyone else but himself.

“I know,” Virgil chuckled with a roll of his eyes. Surprising everyone. If there was one member of their group they could assume would find a way to blame himself for everything wrong with the world, it was Virgil.

“What? You all have been helping me with my negative thinking remember? Hindsight 20/20 in this case. There is no use in dwelling on what happened if in the moment you acted with the right intentions and to the best of your ability. No point in playing the blame game,” he droned off the last part with a fond smile to Logan, who stared at him for a moment and then let out a single laugh. Followed by another , and another.

Patton joined in with giggles. Remus started cackling and Roman finally had to let Virgil go in order to laugh fully with tears in his eyes.

Janus had to settle for a warm smile on half his face and a slight shaking of his shoulders.

“Um… What did I say?” Virgil frowned.

“Nothing. It’s just that we have all been playing the blame game ourselves without even realizing,” Janus informed Virgil. “And now you, out of everyone, have put things in perspective again.

We are all here. And everything else, we can deal with.”

Virgil smiled at that. “Yeah… Yeah we can.”

Many challenges were still ahead. But that didn’t matter. They were all together again and all was right in the world.

Virgil=Instinct

Survival: he can choose to heighten his senses and increase his physical strength and speed to super human levels. His tolerance for pain is also heightened. Usually needs a nap and food after missions. Occasionally he'll discover he has injuries once he deactivates his power.

Roman= Prince

Equip: Basically full metal alchemist. If he can imagine the object clearly he can make it using molecules in the world around him. But for, by example, a working radio he'd have to know how all the parts fit together and work. So he has only a few of these complex objects in his arsenal.

Remus=Ragdoll

Asemble: Mr potato head from toy story. He can disassemble himself like a doll and put himself together again. If he pulls of a hand he can still use said hand as if it were attached. He lost his right little toe once and since then they all make sure Remus is in one piece before leaving.

Patton=Father

Connect: Can establish a telepathic bond with others and feel their emotions. The better he knows you the stronger both powers work. The team often uses this for group discussions, Patton shares his empathic powers with the rest through telepathy and that usually calms everyone right down. Hard to be mad when you feel how loved you are by the one your fighting with. Everyone agrees that if Patton wasn’t the cinnamon bun he is he'd make for a master manipulator.

As mentioned in the fic, his empathic abilities flare up when he is tired while his telepathy becomes harder to handle. He can connect briefly to one person at a time under those conditions.

Logan=MasterMind

Predictive reasoning: he can basically tell the future. Short term predictions are more accurate than long term. You can ask him the most likely outcome if you do action a as opposed to action b by example. He is still learning to take emotions into account but Patton helps him with that.

Janus=Fantasm

Mirage: he can create illusions. They work better when sight is limited by darkness fog or limited thinking of the spectator due to high emotions or the like. It does require more focus the more complex the vision is. He also can't move if he wants to keep it up. He usually takes care of distractions or hiding them.

#sanders sides #ts sides #sanderssidessecretsanta #fic #hurt comfort #roman sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders

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