#i hope i was coherent enough here i'm not awake enough to know

[kaibutsushidousha]

What do you like so much about Zepia?

Good question. A madman who lost himself to the daunting task of saving the world is probably the most common Nasu villain archetype, so I have no shortage of characters to compare him to. So what makes Zepia's tragedy stand among so many like it?

The first and most shallow factor to consider is that Zepia is more aesthetically interesting than most if not all of his peers. The vampire imagery, the theater imagery, and the possibilities brought by his status as rumor land malware are all super cool stuff that meshes well with each other and ties in neatly with the themes of Melty's narrative.

The other key factor is his relationship with Sion, the other natural information vampire of the Eltnams. Due to Sion's unique talents, the creeds of the Atlas Institute, and the beliefs and upbringing that naturally form when the two are combined, Zepia takes a very "you are me" approach to his interactions with Sion. He knows where she's going because he walked that same walk. He knows what becomes of Sion when she loses her hopes. Sion was a TATARI in the making, until Actress Again where she actually became Zepia's TATARI successor like he sorta wanted at first. Because Sion is a new hope Zepia found some 500 years after losing all that he previously had.

Most other members of Nasu's fallen hero archetype don't have this personal and involved connection with the protagonist they confront. Sion and Zepia are thoroughly defined by their relationship with each other and FGO thoroughly and consistently proves that Sion can't be interesting with him removed from the picture.

There is one exception. Archer is the one Nasu madman wrecked by the task of saving the world who has even more of a "you are me" relationship with his hero. If ask me which other Nasu antagonist is the closest to Zepia, my answer is Archer. They even share the powerful heartwarming moment of happily accepting that their enemy has found something better in life than following his doomed footsteps. But Zepia stands out more as the undiluted version of this idea since there is so much more stuff happening in UBW while Melty Blood is only Sion and Zepia (arguably Shiki and Riesbyfe too, but be honest, they're accessories to Sion's character more than anything). It's a prime example of how less can be more.

[luimagines]

Reader confronts the boys about the events of loopy from a poisoned plant.

But everything turns out okay because reader likes them too :)

- glitter ✨

The aftermath of loopey plant? Got it!!

Masterlist

You can read the first part right here!

Content under the cut!

Four

Long day finally over with, you get ready to end it as you crawl into your bed roll.

Four was busy sleeping off the rest of the poisoned pollen and whatever antidote Legend had all but shoved down his throat. You're not sure you're willing to deal with the aftermath but the morning cannot come fast enough.

You lied. The morning came too fast.

You wake up quickly and try to figure out what to do next. You turn in your bed roll and see that Four is already awake.

He sees you before you can pretend to still be sleeping and you curse your luck. Internally, of course. Outwardly, you smile at him and sit up, trying your best to stay causal despite everything he said into your ear the day before.

"Good morning." You grin.

Four winces. "Too loud."

You flinch in return and lower your voice. "Whoops. Sorry."

"It's ok."

"How're you feeling?" You whisper and move to sit next to him. You're suddenly not all that tired. You wait on baited breath to hear his answer and if he's retained any memories from yesterday at all.

Four bite his lip and knocks on his own head gently. His own voice is quiet. "I have a headache but that's about the worst of it. I wasn't too bad yesterday, was I?"

You smile. "You slept most of it off. It wasn't so bad."

He sigh and nods in relief. "Good. I was worried I might have made you uncomfortable."

"Why would you have made me uncomfortable?" You lean forward, trying to keep your smile innocent and less shark like.

Four blushes and looks away. "I have the vague suspicion that I was speaking out loud for a good part of that but I can't seem to tell if I actually did or not."

"Oh." You tilt your head. "That's not so bad. I don't think you were."

"Really?" Four looks back at you, relief flooding his gaze. "Thank goodness."

Your grin turns sharp anyway. "So when do I meet your dad and grandpa?"

Four stills and curls his lips into his mouth. "...Come again?"

"You wanted a summer wedding, right?" You tilt your head. "I was thinking about it and I think you've got the right idea, but I've always my wedding to be outside and the summer might get too hot. So an early summer or late spring wedding might work best if we got that route."

"Oh my god." Four covers his mouth as horror begins to step in.

You giggle and kiss his cheek. "Think about it, yeah? Let me know what you think. I'm not opposed."

".....thanks..."

Wind

Warrior carried Wind back to camp in record time.

Wild returned with Legend, Hyrule and Four and sicked them all onto the groaning and pained boy in front of you.

You tried to stay closer but word spread fast and soon everyone had a hand in helping Wind get back on his feet. Even if that included distracting you in the process.

The day ended before you knew it and everyone was settling in for the night since Wind was now stable and more coherent than he was hour before.

You crept close to the boy and laid nearby, just in case Wind tried calling out to you again. Feeling a little brave, you grabbed onto his hand and let your eyes close shut.

Wind tightened his grip on your hand, calling you name weakly into the air. Your eyes were open in an instant.

"I'm here, Wind." You answer him, crawling a little closer to the boy. you sit up, hoping that the angle would allow him to see you. "I'm here. I never left."

He groans and turns in your direction. "Really? I thought you wouldn't come."

"No." You don't let your voice waver. "I was always there. You just didn't see me."

Wind doesn't seem too convinced but he's also exhausted, no doubt from the treatment everyone had painstakingly shoved down his throat. "I'm tired."

"I know." You smile softly. "It's late. You should sleep."

"What happened?" He asks you instead. "I don't remember what happened after the plant. It was pretty."

"Pretty poisonous." You grit. "Don't go near that thing again. It hurt you really bad."

"Ok." He doesn't fight you on this. "Is that why everything hurts right now?"

"Kinda, yeah." You tell him, because it would be mean to lie. "And everyone freaked out when you were poisoned, so the guys might have been a bit rougher on you than they should have been. I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive them."

"They owe me."

You laugh. "Sure, buddy. Sure they do."

"Stay?"

"Of course. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Hyrule

You managed to get Hyrule to the group camp with less damage than you thought would be needed.

Hyrule wasn't helpful in the slightest, but you're thankful to the shadow that has been helping you thus far.

He comes to his senses a few hours later, after you've filled the others in the situation. The Traveler groans loudly and rolls over. "My stomach hurts."

You don't have it in you to feel sorry for him. "Probably because you literally ate the dirt." You shake your head. "Let me get you something to drink; maybe that'll help."

"Thank you." He looks your way but doesn't move from his spot on his bed roll.

You get him some water and mix in some white power Twilight said would help him with any stomach problems. He had a bit of humor to his voice but you're willing to bet that was just because he was holding back laughing at your rendition of the earlier events.

You were a bit dramatic about it but Hyrule doesn't need to know that.

You come back and give it to him with little fanfare and sit nearby. "Here."

"Thanks." He starts to sip it closely. "Why does my everything hurt?"

You smile a little, amused that your little turn of phrases were making their way through the group. "You were literally dragged all the way back here. Not dignifying, but I didn't have many options."

He hums and continues to slowly drink the water. "....That would explain why it feels like I fell down a mountain."

You see the shadow tease Hyrule's hair in the distance. It's subtle but Hyrule visibly relaxes. "What damage did I cause?"

"None." You shake your head again and move to sit closer to him. You can at least pretend that the shadow is you, just so no one asks questions. "Unless you count damage to my psyche from the strange things that came out of your mouth."

"Oh god, don't tell me I confessed." He whines and drowns the last of the glass to avoid eye contact.

".....what?"

"I said it, didn't I? I told you I loved you. Crap. I'm sorry-"

"No." You stop him before he can continue with that train of thought. "...But you did now."

Hyrule freezes.

You're also left staring at him.

The shadow acts quickly and pulls your head down so that your lips touch Hyrule's head. You pull back quickly with a bright blush.

"We'll talk later." You steal the glass away and scurry as fast as you can to busy yourself with something unimportant.

Hyrule will be fine. Right? Right.

Time

You were absolutely correct.

Twilight and Sky had found you and had tease you relentlessly once they managed to pry you away from Time. The Old Man didn't seem to want to let you go.

It would have been a little more humorous if he hadn't looked on the verge of tears at the thought of you leaving him.

You stayed with him, because anything else would have sent the poor man into a panic.

It took a total of two days for the effects of the pollen to calm down and for Time to be restored to his quote unquote, former glory.

Luckily for him, he didn't seem to remember most of it. Only that he kept looking at you in a way that had your chest clenching and your breathing coming out in short bursts of pure emotion.

It was maddening. ...And the boys weren't helping you in the slightest.

You had to clear the air at the first chance you got. You didn't want to continue this strange dance you've found yourself in with the Old Man.

You pulled him aside and were ready to interrogate him when your words died on your tongue. There he went again, looking at you with the most tender and adoring look you had ever seen on a man, let alone him. "...Link. What is it?"

You can't bring yourself to be accusatory. Something about the flower changed him. He's never been this vulnerable on this journey. What had he gone through?

Time raises a hand and runs the back of it on your cheek. "...I thought I lost you."

"Never." You grab his hand, holding it close. "You could never lose me."

"I found myself powerless." He takes in a shaky breath. "Tell me. What changed between us? What did I do?"

"N-nothing." You gulp, feeling your legs go a little weak at the sheer power he carries in his voice. "You called me a flower... and then wouldn't let me go. It was innocent."

Time doesn't seem convinced. But he doesn't have enough in his memory banks to dispute this. "Very well."

"Link?" You hold his hand a little tighter. "....It was the most romantic things anyone has ever said to me. I... should thank you."

"I hardly doubt something said in the midst of confusion and loss of cognitive function would be considered romantic." Time glares at the ground. "I could do much better now that I'm sober."

Your breath hitches in your throat and you decide to get a little brave and reckless. You lean closer and nearly poke your nose with his. "Prove it."

Something ignites in him. A wicked grin blooms on his face. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." You whisper. "Because I would have said the same thing about you."

Wild

You ended up needing to change your shirt.

Wild was apologizing profusely and on the verge of tears afterwards.

Legend was kind enough to help you with the mess and steal one of the Captain's shirts for you to wear while Four and Sky helped Wild get himself situated and settled.

You sighed and fixed the way the clothes clung to you. It highlighted just how skinny Warrior was but you didn't want to think about that when you were more worried about Wild and his current state.

You rushed back quickly. Wild was sniffling and whining like a kicked puppy while Hyrule brushed his hand through the Champion's hair, trying to calm the other boy down.

"How is he?" You whispered as you got closer.

Hyrule looked up at you and cringed. "I'm sure you can guess. He might have ingested some of whatever it was that made him this way. He says his stomach hurts a lot despite not eating anything. I'm inclined to believe him."

You sighed and copied the movements the resident healer performed on your friend. You lean in and kiss Wild's forehead. "I'm sorry, buddy. You'll feel better soon."

Wild looked up at you and swallowed harshly. "Promise?"

"I promise." You smile tensely. You look to Hyrule for confirmation and he looks just as lost as you feel. You repeat yourself anyway. "I promise, Link."

He groans against and curls up tighter. "I'm sorry...'bout your shirt."

"Soap and water exist." You wince, trying to keep your voice light. It was your favorite shirt, but you don't want Wild to feel worse. "Legend is taking care of it."

"Oh... ok."

"You've been very nice and good to me." You whisper. "I don't think I have the capacity to be mad at you. Much less for this. I like you too much, Wild."

"I like you too." He tries to look up at you. "...I didn't like that plant."

"I don't like it either." You agree, if only to make conversation. "Let's not get close to it again, yeah?"

Wild nods and closes his eyes, reveling in the way your hands feel in his hair. "I'm never cutting my hair."

You giggle slightly. "Good. I'd miss it."

He smiles.

Twilight

It had taken many hands to get Twilight to behave enough for him to be treated.

You didn't think he would be as possessive as he was. He growled in ways you didn't think was possible and nearly tried to bite Time.

It was... fascinating, if a little scary.

You watched him and tried to calm him down with the others. Eventually he fell asleep.

Only to wake up less than hour later.

You wanted to yell and scream. He had just calmed down. What mess do you have to deal with now?

"Ow my head..." He sits up in his bed roll and hold his head in his hands. You step closer to him and poke his shoulder. "How're you feeling Rancher?"

"Like I got kicked in the head." He mutters under his breath. "What happened?"

"You got poisoned." You smile softly, gathering that it was more or less safe to be next to him now. "And then hugged me. And smelled my hair. And I think you kissed it."

Twilight had gone completely still in the time that you had begun talking. You noticed but decided to keep going if only to save yourself from blushing at the reminder of his not-quite-kiss.

"You also tried to punch Warrior in the face, bite Time and wrestle Wild." You shrug. "Sounds normal if you ask me."

"I won't." He rubs his forehead. "...Did I do anything else? ....To you?" He adds hesitantly.

You feel just as hesitate but honestly? He wasn't all that bad, if a little too honest. You shake your head. ""No. You were well behaved."

"Thank Ordana."

"I like you too by the way." You blurt and lean closer. "And you don't have to be scared to talk to me, ok? I like talking to you too, Link."

You kiss his cheek, if only because it's fair- implies your traitorous brain. You don't see Twilight short circuit, but you do see Warrior and four give Twilight some thumbs up from their corner of the camp.

"Get better soon, ok Darlin'?" You copy his subtle drawl and watch in gremlin delight at the way he completely flushes red.

"YeAh." He clears his throat, unable to meet your eyes. "I will. I will."

"Good."

Warrior

The loud curse that slips past your lips was enough to get the group to look over to where you were.

Legend and Twilight naturally started laughing at the sight of Warrior face first in the dirt before you called out for help. Wild and Sky responded quickly, helping drag the unconscious young man to the middle of the camp where it was safe.

You instantly started explaining what you say and how he reacted, giving your own ideas about what might have happened without actually being there to witness it.

Time and Four got to making a spot to put his body where he would be comfortable until he slept it off.

You hovered around like an anxious hummingbird. You had all this energy and no where to spend it. Feeling your plight, Hyrule and Wind took it upon themselves to keep you occupied before you started to mother hen the Captain while he was unconscious and unable to defend himself against it.

Thankfully, it didn't take that long for Warrior to wake up- complaining quite loudly that he'd swear off drinking for the rest of his life.

You had the sudden suspicion that it wasn't the first time he had woken up such a manner- even though you knew that there was nothing alcoholic in the vicinity. Still, you decided to commend him for the attempt. "Good. We'd hate to deal with you hung over as it is."

He groaned and rolled over in his bed roll.

No one bothered to correct him in his incorrect assumption that he had been drinking with the boys.

Time had snorted at the claim and at his reaction but there was a subtle wince to his face that you couldn't help catching. Was Time familiar with the feeling as well?

You shake your head and make your way next to Warrior. "Hey."

"Hi." He grumbled, clearly not happy with his current predicament.

"What do you remember?"

Warrior tenses up before he can stop himself. He clearly remembers something but he doesn't to tell you, less you confirm it for him.

You smirk. "Do you remember the kiss?"

He shoots up. "What?!"

Given that you're not entirely sure what going through his head, you're willing to make a bet and let his own mind fill in the blanks for you. Besides, fireside cuddles sounds nice- but if he had something else in mind you don't think you're inclined to turn down that offer either.

You giggle and kiss his nose to tease him further. "There wasn't none but you mentioned it. If you ever want to follow through with what you told, just let me know."

Warrior looked horrified.

"Let me know." You repeat yourself to get through to him. "Ok?"

His voice is small and disbelieving but he nods slowly. "...ok."

Legend

It took a while for Legend to cooperate enough for you to bring him back to camp and get him checked up on. He wouldn't stop going on and on about how you were one of nicest people he's ever met and that he never wanted to leave you and the thought of leaving you made him sad-

Honestly, you had to tune him out for the most part. If you continued to listen to him talking and rambling you would have probably started crying. You never would have guessed that Legend was incredibly sentimental underneath it all.

You had to leave him to the care of the other boys while you went to collect yourself off beyond the forest line.

With time, when you no longer felt all mushy and soft for the boy had to grow up way too fast just to survive, you made your way back to the camp where Legend was looking properly hung over.

He groaned and maybe vomited a little given the looks Wild and Four were giving him as Time cleaned his face. You're a little ashamed that you more or less ran away from him but you doubt he would have wanted you to see him like that anyway. Right?

Eventually, you gather up the courage to get close to Legend and sit next to him where he would actually notice you. He sees you and rubs his face. "I was told you brought me back."

"Yeah." You admit quietly. "I found you first."

"I already told everyone to stay away from that stupid flower."

You pale slightly. In your attempt to rid yourself of the embarrassment, you had completely forgotten about the plant that got Legend into this mess to begin with. "Oh. Good."

Legend nods and rubs his head a bit. Warrior steps in to give the Vet a glass of water. He drinks is greedily.

"Do you still want to braid my hair?"

Legend chokes.

You bite your lip. "I wouldn't mind it."

He looks at you with a scarlet face and with wide, almost scared eyes. "Oh my god, what did I tell you?"

"I lot of things," that you don't think you have the strength to go into right now. "But it's really not that bad."

Legend smiles, but it's not like he believes you.

You'll just have to prove it to him.

Sky

After you successfully managed to drag Sky throughout the unmarked trail back to the camp, you started barking out order to the boys to help him. They rushed to put their hands to work.

Hyrule first went about healing any injuries he may (read: absolutely) have obtained.

Four and Warrior went about making a tonic to help rid the pollen slash poison out of his system while you went to clean yourself off and pretend everything Sky said to you didn't actually happen.

When you returned feeling better about yourself and the current mess, you found that the boys had managed to corral the chaos of the camp as well. Sky was stable and dinner was already over the fire. It would be ready in a matter of minutes.

Luckily, Sky didn't stay asleep for long and soon it was as if nothing had ever happened.

But you decided that you still needed to get some answer out of the boy.

The following morning, after everyone's morning routines were done and over with, you found yourself guiding Sky away from everyone else just to see how much of yesterday he actually remembered.

He seemed unable to meet your eyes.

"Good morning." You bump your hip against him. He nearly falls over but catches himself. Sky's blushing. "Good morning."

"Sleep alright?"

"As good as I could given the pollen from that weird flower." Sky scratches the back of his neck.

"Oh perfect, you brought it up first. I was going to ask you about that."

Sky blushes harder. "Yeeaaah? What about it?"

"What do you remember? Do you remember what you told me?" You tilt your head, not bothering to acknowledge how awkward he no doubt feels. You feel a little vindicated since he made you drag his dead weight all the way back to camp on your own.

Sky looks away.

That's all the answer you need.

"Did you mean it? Truly?" Hope enters your voice before you can stop it. Sky catches it because of course he does.

"Yes. I did." He mutters. "I also recall that you said... you said that I was pretty too."

"You are!" You kiss his cheek, taking your shot. "Ok?"

"More than ok." Sky takes your hand softly, lacing your fingers together. "....Do you really think I'm the good child?"

"....you're one of the best ones here."

"I broke a chandelier on purpose to get an item."

"....my statement still stands, honey. But I'll remember that."

[butch-reidentified]

do you think it’s possible for a lesbian to be somewhat attracted to a trans woman (who passes well) if the only place she sees the tw is online/in videos/in pictures? i’m gender critical and i believe attraction is based on sex, but if somebody strongly resembles the same sex and you’re only seeing them from a physical distance, wouldn’t it make sense for somebody attracted to that sex to be able to find them attractive? (not referring to pursuing a relationship with them)

its almost 4am at the end of a long work week, and I'm still recovering from covid, so I hope this is coherent lmao

ik this will be controversial but I urge people to really mull over this before reacting in anger, though I really do understand the impulse:

honestly, as a (former) neuroscience researcher and someone still deeply passionate about neuroscience who likes to read neuroscience journal articles in her spare time... I think it's fucking complicated and there's a bit of intellectual dishonesty on both sides. the TRA side claims you can (only!) be attracted to someone's internal identity or ~gender feelings~ while the gc side claims that there is NO circumstance in which a person could pass well enough as the opposite sex to be perceived as attractive by someone whose orientation includes that "passing" sex.

and yet, I've had the experience of being at an lgbt bar or club and seeing someone I thought was a cute masc woman initially, only to realize it was an androgynous or slightly effeminate-appearing gay man - and many many lesbians I've told this to have shared similar experiences with me. I know a male transitioner online who is really cool and calls himself a eunuch rather than a woman or anything, and while I don't find him attractive, I have to admit that in the ~100ish photos I've seen of him (incl many candid full body ones taken by other people), I've not been able to "clock" any distinct male characteristics. maybe that would be different in person, but we live on totally different continents so idk.

I've known a TON of trans people irl, likely far more than most people on radblr or anywhere. this is partly because Florida has the second highest # of trans people in the country, and partly bc of where I went to college, and partly because my life is just strange like that. but I'll admit I've known a couple mt"f"-transitioned folks who I truly had no idea were male for quite some time - physically or behaviorally.

the reality is that your brain only knows what it perceives, and if it perceives a male as a female without your knowledge, and your orientation includes females, then it could be possible to feel attraction. however, I'm preeetty damn sure that would not persist beyond learning that person's sex is male, at which point you'd probably suddenly start noticing whatever male traits you were able to overlook initially. but I don't think it makes rational sense to claim that it's never possible to experience "mistaken" attraction for a period of time. there are known cases of historical women who lived as men who were flirted with by straight women who believed them to be male, for instance.

this is one of those situations where the truth (what I've said above) could be twisted and deliberately misinterpreted by the opposing party, which I believe to be why so few, if any, are willing to acknowledge this. but it's a question I've pondered a lot and this is the only logical conclusion I've reached. and it simply is not rational for anyone to act like anything I've said here implies that homosexuals can/should be open to dating/sleeping with the opposite sex. anyone who could come to that conclusion from this response needs a seriously intensive review of reading comprehension.

like I said I'm not fully awake so I'm sure I could have made my points here more clearly and I'm sure I'll get retaliation from people who want to nitpick my wording or whatever, like usual, but o well.

[sorrowandchartreuse]

A writer's guide to describing passing out

Because i just passed out (again) and the second thing i thought of upon waking up was that glazed donut no mark save it for your art post, here is a list of what you could use when writing about characters passing out:

Beforehand:

you're going to feel really, really lightheaded. for me, that's what starts it all off. it's going to feel like when you stand up too fast, but it never goes away. your head doesn't clear

eventually, that lightheadedness feeds into a tv static sort of fuzziness. your head is whirring, almost. it's like a really drawn out buzz. you feel it in your forehead, in your jaw, in your ears.

your mouth starts to get thick, too. that tv static moves in there. your teeth start to feel fuzzy, especially the front and back ones.

by now, youre shaking and your limbs are heavy. at this point, i know to sit down, but it depends on your characters! is this regular enough of an occurance for them to know to sit? are they going to reach out to another character because they know what's going on? or are they going to reach out because they don't know what's going on? do their knees buckle and they fall while all alone?

it's all very disorienting at this point in the process. you have enough sense to form thoughts, but they're not all that coherent. words? not going to be that coherent either

During:

you can't pinpoint the exact moment you pass out. at least, i can't.

when you're passed out, there can be certain degrees to alertness. for example, i've had times where it feels like years pass but it's only a few seconds. i've had it feel almost like im in a really foggy dream. i've had times where i dont remember anything from it. most recently, i didn't remember passing out itself, but i remembered waking myself up from it. it was a very conscious struggle, where i knew i was passed out and i needed to wake up now

does your character remain somewhat alert? do they enter a dream-like haze? what's waiting for them there? i've seen faces and shapes there.

i personally can't feel when someone is touching me while i'm passed out, regardless of degree of alertness

do they know that being passed out is Just Not Right? do they wake themselves up?

Afterward:

you pee. that's just the deal. your bladder is going to release. i know this is not romantic, but like man thats just what happens.

peeing, like most things, could hold a plot point. who cleans your character up? or if they're on their own, how do they clean themselves up?

youre also drenched in sweat. just absolutely sopping in sweat. passing out loves the release of excess body fluids. its sexy like that

mention sweat on their neck, their forehead, their hair pressed down by it. do they wipe it off? do they have the strength to? if they don't, does someone else?

your face will have no color. describe this, but don't stop at the face. your character's lips will also be drained of it.

you will be wobbly. standing up, even sitting up, is going to involve a lot of shaking.

when you first talk, it won't be loud (fuzzy tongue, remember?) so it takes a couple tries to get what you want to say out. or if you do get it out right away, it surfaces extremely weak

it's important after you pass out to get fluids in you. not just water, but orange juice, cocoa, anything that will get you awake again. who gives this to your character? if there are multiple characters present when your character passes out, who won't leave their side and who runs to get something for them to drink, knowing it will help them?

your hands will shake lifting anything

it takes 3-5 minutes for me to regain color again

it takes about 5-10 minutes for me to feel normal again, but this likely depends on the person and how often passing out occurs for them

Please keep in mind this is based soley on my own experiences! also please feel free to add on! i hope this helps!

[randaccidents]

GIVE ME YOUR PLAN FOR RELASPE

GIVE IT TO ME

GIVE IT TO ME

GIVE IT TO ME

GIVEY NOWYYY

evil hands rubbing together emote

SO RELAPSE. THE PHASE DIRECTLY AFTER HOPE.

Remember when I said in the PSA that Heartless gets worse? This is that worse. This is that deepest part of the pit the au gets. So that means TWs for: suicidal ideation, themes of attempted suicide, self harm

Its a little long because of the main event in focus BUT I can still give you the summary (proceeds to write the longest thing possible this arc is MASSIVE and I have SO MANY THOUGHTS to keep it coherent)

Relapse starts with the first argument between Heart and Perseverance since Apathy. Heart has been awake consistently for awhile, but his progress has been stagnating and Perseverance has Suspicions. Especially with how hungry Heart has gotten for affirmation that he is needed and wanted.

And like the Mind that he is he uses a brute force approach. Straight up demanding to know what's going on, because they have tried everything so clearly the problem must be Heart. (metaphorically he relapses into old habits of being too cold and inconsiderate)

While Penitence does smack him over it (overprotective smh), this brashness is more familiar to Heart than them tip toeing around him and he responds in kind (and anger. A Lot Of Anger.) Hilariously, Perseverance is pretty thrown off by the argument because its been MONTHS since he's been in one, while from Heart's perspective its only been a couple of weeks.

During the argument, Heart accidentally lets slip some concerning views he holds about himself, and when he tries to backpedal Perseverance grabs ahold of the words and goes "nope. dealing with our problems right here and now", so Heart lets loose with ALL of the emotions and negativity he felt in Apathy. YOU told me emotions weren't needed. I'm just doing what you told me to do and left the unwanted part of myself in Apathy.

And this admissions HORRIFIES Penitence, who had never asked about what Heart and Mind talked about during Apathy. Perseverance meanwhile is desperately backtracking and trying to take back words said months ago, but Heart just presses down further in his anger. Penitence attempts to break them apart and gets Heart's anger turned on him. YOU abandoned me in the pit and allowed Mind to insult me. You're equally at fault.

It's a rough argument. I also intend for Perseverance to unintentionally be manipulating Heart's emotions and guide him towards giving them a solid answer, and that Heart would notice this and get angrier. Because Perseverance is using the logical "if I can push him into messing up" and deliberately saying the most pointed little things. This is the WRONG THING TO DO because he triggers Heart, and its just like the pit again with Mind insulting and ignoring his emotions again. Although to be fair to Perseverance, Heart finally yells at him about how he doesn't want to be the Emotional Side anymore.

And Penitence jumps in with a YOU ABANDONED YOUR ROLE? It's mostly generalized horror at the very physical side effects on Heart, but to Heart it reads like a rejection of his autonomy and decisions. Because oh, he fucked up, now they know he was weak enough to give up. Part of the stagnation was that he doesn't feel like they've changed at all, and now his stupid emotions are getting him judged again. So, he doubles down. And also restarts the process of rejecting the Emotional Side. WHILE PERSEVERANCE AND PENITENCE ARE IN THE ROOM TALKING TO HIM. Heart is a really good actor when no one is paying attention to him properly.

This argument makes it pretty clear to Perseverance and Penitence that for all the progress they think they made, they forgot to make sure Heart experienced the same progress. Because Heart still doesn't think the Emotional Side is necessary.

Perseverance and Penitence try to argue Heart down from his decision. Perseverance's desperation makes him more blunt and cold, while Penitence keeps asking what rejection of the Emotional Side accomplishes. And boys, that is not what you want to tell a suicidal person. They're all falling into old habits of arguing with Penitence trying to break them up, and none of them notice Heart begin to physically fade as the argument drags on.

The argument only ends when Penitence bodily drags Perseverance out of the room. When he returns he finds Heart having relapsed. Not fully: they did leave a spark of hope in Heart that he is wanted. But enough to slip into random bouts of unconsciousness.

Yall read the chicken plush story yeah? This is a devastating blow to their progress. Penitence blames Perseverance for going with a brute force option. Perseverance blames himself for doing that instead of thinking things through. Heart refuses to meet Penitence's glance or willingly talk to him. It's a massive disaster.

Perseverance wants to apologize. Except. Penitence won't let him. Or talk to him. Or willingly interact with him. Or looking after him.

Penitence is using old tricks: when Heart and Mind argue, separate them and ignore the one at fault for a week (in a metaphorical sense relapsing into old habits). He blocks Perseverance from Heart's room even when he wants to apologize, look he tried with a plush even.

It is very similar to how Penitence physically separated them during ROE and after via Apathy, and how he ignored Heart then. I hope you see where this may be going.

Perseverance inevitably runs out of things to do, having fallen out of habit in the weeks Heart has been awake, and Heart believes that Mind hates him. Because while separation of the halves is a tried and true method, this is not a normal situation. Perseverance feels bad enough already and it fuels his already bad overwork and lack of self-care, and it leaves him alone with his thoughts because he needs to find a solution, this is his fault so its his problem to fix, and he finally has the correct information.

And when he runs out of things to do the only thing left is to sit in his room and think. And as he feared from the start, thoughts turn to emotions turn to tears. And Penitence isn't there to help him through the messy explosion of grief and guilt that has been bottled for months that he feels as physical symptoms. He tries to redirect himself towards logical thinking, but the last thing he was thinking about was Heart rejecting the Emotional Side, and it sends him careening down the entirely wrong spiral of thought, including a lot of questions that a less vulnerable him would have stopped dead in its tracks before he could ponder on them.

You know, questions like, say, "what are the benefits of rejecting something that fundamental to you?", or "is it really such a bad thing? he still fulfills his physical purpose.", or "can I do that too? its not something limited to Heart is it?"

Yeah. The Wrong Path Of Thought. With a disturbingly Logical Conclusion. If he rejects the Logical Side, replicates Heart's decision? He will have peace from his thoughts, it will prevent him from making another mistake with Heart, and he will be less of a burden on Penitence by removing the need to look after him. Three birds, one stone. He mentally frames it as protecting his halves from himself. He ignores that it would probably shatter Penitence the same way Heart already did.

He doesn't make the decision immediately, but the thought plagues him. Penitence doesn't notice his changed behaviour and continues to block him from Heart. There A Thought: Penitence might not notice if he does go through with it. Another Thought: did Heart also consider that when he rejected the Emotional Side?

(Ironically, Perseverance reaches a similar conclusion and reasoning that Heart did in Apathy from a different angle. It would help the other halves if I was only my Physical Function, because my Metaphysical Function is harmful because I am harmful. And no one would notice when I do fade away.)

And he might have done it that night, if not for a misshapen chicken plush sitting on his desk. Perseverance wants Heart to have his apology. It takes another day to figure out the time to sneak into Heart's room, leaving the plush behind with a kiss to its head.

He doesn't lock his door when he returns to his room, Penitence hasn't checked on him in nearly a week now and he's confident they won't come now. He lies down in bed and tries to reject the Logical Side.

Key word being tries. Like Heart he struggles for awhile against the instinct to shy away from internal rejection, and then another while longer struggling to actually commit the rejection because he keeps approaching it logically. It takes time for the emotions of loneliness and sadness and tiredness to actually take hold and begin hollowing his brain.

You read the chicken plush fic right? This is a reminder that you read the chicken plush fic. That Heart, feeling more accepted because of the plush clearly made for him, demands Penitence let Perseverance in. Penitence, sent by Heart to bring Perseverance, walks in on his attempt. He notices that something's different both because Perseverance has become a light sleeper and because Penitence has spent the last few months recording and becoming familiar with the relevant vital signs, and panics. He slaps Perseverance awake (left the trident in Heart's room and didn't want to waste time or worry Heart grabbing it), interrupting his attempt. It is its own shock when Perseverance, scarily slow to realize he's failed and been discovered, only responds to being shaken by rolling over and hiding his face, refusing to speak.

Perseverance remains hollow, flipping violently between blankly staring at a wall and quiet mutterings of his logical justifications for his actions, all seemingly without recognizing Penitence's presence. Penitence has to shake him out of bouts of too long zoning out, much too similar to Heart's unconsciousness and growing closer each time.

Penitence is left to make up excuses for Heart and attempt to prevent BOTH his halves from falling off the edge into rejection. Heart may be getting better, but Perseverance is getting worse at the same time. He starts struggling where before he had Perseverance's help, not quite knowing where some things in the house are kept as the house gets messier and messier. Heart keeps bugging him about Perseverance, and everything is falling apart around him faster than he thought it could. He's going through bandages and gauze faster than before and his arms are starting to tremble from how often he's cutting and tearing open wounds. He's caught himself considering his legs as a new canvas at night. He unlocks his drawer and stares at the bloody noose he buried inside every night before locking it away again. The smile he puts on for Heart grows frailer by the hour.

(and here's the part that I'm a lot more unclear about whoopsie)

Inevitably, Heart grows frustrated at Penitence's lies and dodging around the question and yells at him, starting another argument. Except its less of an argument and more shoving Penitence headfirst over his own edge (again) into a major mental breakdown because everything is falling apart and its all his fault for being neglectful and ignorant and now they both hate him as much as he hates himself and he can't handle the stress of two terminal patients alone and the noose is looking incredibly tempting right now doesnt Perseverance rejecting himself means he's given up and they can finally die?

Heart picks up that something is deathly wrong when Penitence crumples to the floor like a wet rag sobbing and clawing blindly at his throat. Because the Soul he remembers is much more resilient than this and can take being yelled at. The Soul he remembers doesn't break down in front of him in pained screaming and turn violent hands on themself.

Heart shoves himself off the bed to stop and comfort Penitence, and finds out what's been happening in the house over the past few days from their shattered whimpers. With some difficulty, Heart manages to convince Penitence to let him try something, calming him slightly, and Penitence carries Heart (and his chicken! the chicken is important) to Perseverance's room.

A little bit mentally unclear on this sequence, but I want Heart to sit next to Perseverance and hug him, chicken placed in its lap, to apologize for being cruel and ask him to come back so he can properly thank it for the gift. I want Penitence to sit on Perseverance's other side at Heart's insistence and quietly apologize to them both for neglecting them all like that and promising to do better. For Perseverance to slowly, with their encouragement and love, come back to them and start crying, quietly apologizing for starting another argument with Heart and all the insults he threw during Apathy, and for abandoning Penitence. For them to promise to do better by each other and help each other get better, because all of them almost shattered alone.

That this collective trio of support is going to be what breaks them out into the Recovery phase of Heartless. Because they were never going to heal without being a trio. It had to be Heart, Mind and Soul together helping each other.

(and of course, Heart asks Perseverance if it used one of his dang hoodies for the chicken, to its quiet embarrassment. yes it did. it got them all laughing as Heart shoved the chicken plush into its face in revenge.)

Oh and fun fact! This was the original ending of the AU, not inclusive of the healing. Before I decided I wanted the AU to involve healing, this was where the AU deadended. Heart fully relapses, Perseverance entirely gives up, Penitence upon discovering both of these hangs himself. But the healing is SO much more satisfying :D

[roo-bastmoon]

Fractured and Adrift

I was going to write a big huge post with lots of screen shots and chart data and analysis that I'd saved on my phone, but honestly I'm too sick right now to sit up and organize all that. If you go on twitter, you see in real time what is happening, anyway.

Bottom lines:

it's very clear to me that ads, payola, pay to play, vpn and other "networking" tactics that go against what BTS has always been about have pretty much come into play--for a catchy, but ultimately impersonal and generic, pop single that was given to only one member.

I'm not just disappointed, I'm gutted. I don't know where to go from here, as someone who used to take pride in being an ARMY and stanning artists who made it to the top the organic and hard way, by being genuine and talented and real with us.

As always, I look to my ult-bias, Jimin. His debut album was abandoned the moment he hit #1, yet he continues on with this company and to be a team player. He was with JK on private time during a couple's holiday. He's been filmed with and is likely working on some sort of project with JK right now. These are my cues. So without any further information about what is happening, I will continue to follow Jimin's lead.

I am a person who believes in the potential and the very best of others until I just can't any more. But I also cannot hide from the glaringly obvious. Jimin was mistreated, and Jungkook was prioritized in ways I personally find dishonorable.

I don't know how much, if any, input JK had in this. He's got a Masters in Communications, a decade of industry experience, and owns stock in his company; but I also know that talent are very rarely given complete insight or say over sales and marketing strategies--that's external, executive business decisions. I don't know what conversations, trade-offs, or internal pressure came into play here.

At this point, I would say I'm very adrift.

I'm a good soldier. I bought the CD, I bought each version of the song, I added it to my playlists. But I no longer feel needed as a fan for Seven; I feel replaced by Scooter's dollars. And I don't feel any personal connection to this particular song, as catchy as it is. I was excited when the styles JK helped choose seemed to be an homage to Jimin's Face, but... now a lot of the elements of this work seem rushed and disjointed. I just don't know.

I'm very worried about what this rollout means for our 7, especially how they are supposed to come together in a fair and equitable way after military service. I'm trying to read through their book when I can stay awake long enough. Trying to trust and hope and manifest the best.

I wish there was more transparency, more communications around what the game plan is, and if the members are all on board with everything.

All I can think to do is to keep loving Jimin and the people who are good to Jimin, keep working hard for what I want and not invest energy and time into what I don't. I do believe that Jungkook and Jimin love one another.

But I'm... fracturing... inside. It hurts.

I'm very ill. Maybe I'm just too emotional right now because I'm so sickly. Maybe I just need more time and more data to have a more rational perspective.

All I can think to do is hang in there and wait to be more anchored in facts before I can decide what all this means--for Jikook, for BTS.

I'm sorry if this post isn't very coherent. I'm on a bunch of steroids until I can get to a specialist and the brain fog is immense. I'm gonna go rest now. I think I might stop posting memes and thirsts and other things for a bit, while I just focus on getting well. But I'm sending you all so much love.

Hang in there. Deep breaths. We will find our way. We will make our way, if necessary.

[abeinginsand]

i'm just resting today and yeah hehehehehehhe i am still thinking about swiftli hurt comfort i want more mmmmmmm yummmmmmerrsssssssss

gotcha, hope you have a nice rest :) Hmm let's see well, other ideas... maybe Taylor and Lincoln are exploring a cave for some reason. Searching for a magical item and its gotten very dark in there. Now, given Taylor's darkness spell and him using it pretty often--I assume he isn't bothered by the darkness on its own. However, they can hear plenty of noises within the cave. He's on alert incase of an ambush. The two walk close together and Link uses his like glow spell thing to make his gun a beacon of light for them both.

They go further in and eventually have to walk in a line due to the smaller space. Link even has to duck slightly due to height. The duo talk to fight off silence, but the cave seems to go for so long that they run out of things to talk about. At one point, the cave shakes intensely and Link loses concentration. The glow poofs out for a moment and then he quickly casts it again. Anxiously, Link asks if Taylor is still there (much like he did with the baby monitor in canon).

Taylor takes a moment to respond, voice a little hoarse from the earlier chatter. His voice sounds confident and energetic which is comforting to the paladin. Taylor reaching out to squeeze his free hand is even better. Link also feels how sweaty Taylor's hand is though but doesn't comment on it. Thinking that Taylor was trying to stay calm for the both of them. They continue moving. Eventually the teens arrive at the end of the cave, a big and circular room of earth and stone. There's the shimmering item floating at the center. Taylor tells him to head inside already but Link figures that's odd. He knows the survivalist is keen on checking for traps at any opportunity, especially in shady places like this. Maybe he was that tired after their tense walk over here? Link decides he'll look for him and his gaze wonders from the rounded wall to the ceiling. When he looks above, Link sees a net on the ceiling of the cave room... ...With a tied up Taylor who looks furious. Furiously gazing behind Link and so he turns, trying to get back. This other Taylor--no some other creature--shifts its hands into big claws and attacks. Taylor, still above, finally manages to break out of his restraints and the net as his companion falls back, clutching his chest in pain. The survivalist uses the net to slide down to the floor and the two manage to defeat the enemy together. Link's about to heal them both, starts with Taylor much to his dismay and then faints before he can heal himself. He awakes to Taylor calling his name first. Then, there's the sound of footsteps and a bag opening. Some of the bleeding is stopped as Link gets a bit more coherent, enough to muster some soft words. More time goes by like that until Link says: "I uh...been thinking that...Maybe I hate Garfield?" In Taylor's frantic focus, it takes Link telling him something nonsensical to realize Link's actually talking again. He has stopped letting out pained breaths. The shorter boy pauses, the current bandage now abandoned. Taylor tries to find some words but more of a noise comes out. Link winces and smiles, might even laugh a little, "that's a joke...ngh...this really hurts."

Taylor doesn't laugh or smile, staring at him with wide eyes, a little glossy. Lincoln goes ahead and asks Taylor to help move his hands so he can heal himself now (or attempt too). Atleast enough so the two can walk out of here. His friend jumps into action when given the request. With the minor healing finished, Taylor hugs Lincoln really tightly. The dark-haired teen apologizes for letting the enemy get the jump on them. Link can feel tears dampening his shirt while he hears him continue to apologize. He starts to cry too. That was terrifying, and it is setting in more now that its over. Voice wobbly, he says that Taylor did his best, they both did, and he's glad they are ok. That Taylor is the reason he's okay right now.

[iguana-braces]

Y'all, I've been thinking about this fic all day and I finally ironed out a bit that was giving me so much trouble so--

Finally, here's a snippet of Chapter 3 of Tales from the Danger Zone!!!!

It felt like he had just fallen asleep when some kind of horn blared through the room. Just as Pete lurched awake, the room was flooded with blinding fluorescent light and he had to fight back the youthful urge to pull the covers over his head. 

"On your feet, cadets!" barked a voice from the doorway. Still partially blinded, Pete felt his way to the floor from the top bunk and stood at the end of the bed next to Nick, who looked like he was still asleep standing up. The clock at the end of the room read 0300 hours. 

Jesus, it's still the middle of the night. 

Strangely enough, slouching against a pillar in the middle of the room with a clipboard and a stern expression was– "Chuck? I thought you were one of us." 

The former veterinarian merely shrugged. "Never said I was." 

"You didn't say much of anything coherent last night."

Another man was at the other end of the room, also carrying a clipboard, who Pete vaguely recognized as having also been at the bar with them mere hours ago. Once all the men were on their feet, he scribbled something on his clipboard before he began speaking. "Good morning, gentlemen. My name is Ranger Williams, callsign Sundown. And this is my co-pilot, Ranger Piper, callsign Chipper." 

"Oh, great," Nick muttered beside him. "They have callsigns." 

So Kazansky and Kerner weren't the only Jaeger pilots in California. How many more were there? And how’d they get to be there? 

"For the next eight weeks, we will be your squadron leaders, your mentors, your brothers, your confidants. But anything we say is law. We say jump, you say how high.” Sundown circled the room, sizing up each of the cadets like a seasoned drill sergeant. Despite his resentment towards the ranger for being woken up so suddenly, Pete liked him already. “Hope you enjoyed your last taste of freedom last night, because you won't be leaving this base for a while. If you make it past the first training cut, you get a whole week off. Besides that, you get one free weekend per month. When that weekend occurs is up to you, but you have to get permission in advance."

"What about extenuating circumstances?" Nick asked, raising his hand. 

"Like what?" Sundown replied, backtracking to stand in front of the querying cadet. 

"Well, my wife's having our baby in a few months. I won't know when exactly until it, you know, starts happening. I’d like to be there if I can." 

Sundown glanced towards his copilot, who merely shrugged his response. Continuing his promenade around the room, Ranger Williams decided, "Exceptions can be made, but you better have solid evidence of those extenuating circumstances. I don't want to hear that all of a sudden, twelve of you have wives giving birth at the same exact time."

"Of course. I'll bring back the umbilical cord, sir." 

Pete, and a few others, couldn't stop a few snorts and chuckles from escaping. 

"Yeah, alright, jokers. Take it away, Chip." 

Ranger Piper straightened up, but remained rooted where he was as he addressed the room. "A kaiju attack can happen at any time, as evidenced in Cabo and Manila. These creatures do not adhere to business hours. As a Jaeger pilot, you need to be ready for action at a moment's notice. There will be more drills like this in the future and you will be graded on just how quickly you can become functional. Seeing as you’ve all managed to stay awake for the past few minutes, you’ve passed your first drill. Congratulations."

Clapping his hands together loudly, startling half the room, Sundown concluded, "That's all we have, folks. Y'all sleep tight now."

Lord knows when the actual chapter will be posted cuz I'm about to move and then I'm going to back to school 🙃, but I need all 3 members of the audience for this to know that I'm still here!!!!! Still thinking about this AU!!! Constantly!!!!

Tags for those audience members 😅 - @redfurrycat @milficeman @superioraxolotl @salemfrogtrials @film-in-my-soul @sadpetalsstuff @all-time-fanatic @worldsoldestpizzaslice @katieshook02 @oababy @goobieboobie @fantasias-creativebubble @straightforwardly @queenbbarnes @stilledimperfections @slutforfics @xofangirlthingsxo @cool-ultra-nerd @blue-aconite @joaquinwhorres

(let me know if you want to be tagged or want to be removed from the tags!! ❤️)

[callofdooty]

Somehow I Feel Hopeful

Also posted onto AO3

Fandom: Call Of Duty: Ghosts

Summary: Written for Whumpril Day 11:Nightmares | Bedside Vigil | "I'm right here."

"Despite the pain tearing him apart, both inside and out, he held onto his confused anger, his disbelief. Rorke, who held himself so high, was now something he'd once hated. Was it too far to call him a hypocrite? Clearly, they'd done something to him, morphed him into a monster (the one he was always capable of becoming) but Ajax couldn't help but feel angered by it. Betrayed. They trusted him. Believed in him.

And they left him to die.

No. They looked for him for weeks. They'd searched high and low for him. Elias would have turned the whole world upside down looking for him, and Ajax would have followed suit.

But they didn't. Rorke (and his own mind) reminded him coldly. And so, there he was. Holding onto threads of hope. Hope that his team - his family - knew where he was. Hope that they'd get there in time."

OR: Ajax survives the events of Struck Down; he and Keegan find comfort in each other.

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Alex V. "Ajax" Johnson/Keegan P. Russ

Warning/labels: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Vaguest allusions to torture, talk of death/dying

-

He barely made it. 

If they’d gotten there an hour, a minute, a second later–

But they didn’t. He reminded himself. They’d gotten there in time. Ajax was here. Ajax was alive. And Keegan had been driven up the wall with every agonising moment he wasn’t by his side. Just knowing wasn’t enough. He needed to hold Ajax’s hand in his, needed to see Ajax alive and awake and not seconds away from dying - he wanted to see anything other than that.. Dreadfully resigned look he’d had back at the stadium. 

That… That’s a sight Keegan knew he wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. It’s already been the subject of many nightmares. Well. As many as you could get when your idea of “resting” was intermittent naps between busy work and fretting endlessly over the well being of another. 

Now that he was here, hunched over in an uncomfortable chair, he’s started to realise just how exhausted he is. It always seems easy to just keep going - burning the candle at both ends - when you’re kept so occupied. But after sitting there, doing nothing but waiting… The Nothing started to feel less like nothing, becoming a weight that fell and pressed onto his head and shoulders, draping over him like the world’s shittiest weighted blanket. 

He can’t stay awake forever, though. And waiting until Ajax finally woke up was a gamble. So he rubbed his hands across his face with a sigh before leaning back into the (still uncomfortable) chair, arms folded across his chest. It wasn’t so much being lulled to sleep as being dropped off of a canyon into it. He was out like a light before he could even realise. 

It was a welcome surprise that he wasn't plagued by vivid, morbid visions this time around. At least, not any that he could recall. When he came back around sometime later, he wondered briefly whether it was a lucky break, or he’d become desensitised to them already. How long he was out was any guess. Maybe an hour, maybe twelve. No part of him seemed any less exhausted and weighed down. 

The lingering grogginess threatened to pull him back to sleep. He's not exactly sure what drew him awake, or at least he wasn't in the moment. But then, his attention was drawn quickly to Ajax, who twitched, flinched. Almost immediately, it was followed by unsteady, panicked breaths that pulled Keegan right out of his chair to stand at Ajax’s bedside, mind already whirring with worry. 

Ajax's mutters were hardly coherent, barely understandable, but it doesn’t take a genius to know what - who - Ajax was muttering about.

Before Keegan could do much else, Ajax shot awake with a small gasp and Keegan was quick to carefully push him back down, holding his shoulder to keep him from moving too fast; from hurting himself. The muttering continued, with Ajax continuing to plead with someone that wasn’t there (anymore.) A rush of anger attempted to choke Keegan right then and there, but he swallowed it back, pacifying it with concern and love rather than the seething hatred collecting in his chest like smog. His touch remained gentle despite the internal struggle. 

Ajax. Focus on Ajax.

“Shh… Shh, Ajax, it’s okay.” With his free hand, he gently cupped Ajax’s face, lightly running his thumb over his cheekbone. The broken pleas stopped, but the panicked heaving didn’t ease up just yet. It’s hard to watch. Hard to stomach. Ajax shouldn’t be going through this. He doesn’t fucking deserve this shit. All Keegan can do is hope his efforts are enough. “I'm right here, sunshine. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

“Keegan…?” Ajax’s eyes  finally opened, watery and red and tired. The sight of Keegan seemed to be a relief, if the tension that melted off of him was any indication. Wasting no time, he reached up and pulled Keegan in, the both of them instantly wrapping their arms around each other. 

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. Noone’s gonna hurt you here.” Keegan rumbled, holding Ajax as close as possible, as protectively as possible. Whether it was the words, the touch or the sight; Ajax's panic receded, slinking away to hide and wait out for another time to strike. It wasn’t a fix-all, but neither expected it to be. The momentary reprieve was enough, at least for now. After the shit they’ve gone through…

“Keegan…” Ajax whispered again, voice hoarse and barely anything above a whisper, “I… It’s…” A pause. The words escaped him, too heavy to hold onto. His brows furrowed for a moment. He tried again. “It was him…” 

Rorke. The enraged beast inside Keegan’s chest yowled, clawing at his lungs, his heart, the prison bars of his ribcage. It was a wonder how he kept it at bay; a hitched breath being the only thing to show for its frenzied efforts. Placated with future bloodshed and justice, the fleeting rampage stopped and he refocused, waiting for Ajax to continue at his own pace.

“I- H-He…” A shudder, “He’s not… He’s not the same…” As Ajax spoke, he seemed to struggle with himself, teetering on the edge of despair. Whatever they did to him, Keegan doesn't even want to imagine. To have Ajax, of all people, in this state... Ajax, who sees the light in any situation, Ajax who's always fighting back... “They did something. They changed him… He…” A spark flashed in Ajax’s eyes, and the panic rapidly returned, tears falling as his words fell apart again. “F-Fuck, Keegan, I-He-... I told him… I-I told h-him– I’m s-so sorry…” 

Fear lurched inside Keegan’s gut. As much as he didn’t want to admit, those words were nothing short of terrifying. The more the Federation knew, the more fucked their chances became. And now with Rorke on their side...

No. Not right now. No panicking. There's still time.

“Hey, easy sunshine. You did your best. It could’ve been any of us.” At least, any of the original Ghosts. Even hearing the name - the desperate, choked out warning Ajax had given at the stadium - had him feeling like he’d been submerged in Arctic waters. His blood froze - the world froze - in an instant. He could only imagine what it was like to experience it first hand. Alone. He’s pretty sure even Merrick wouldn’t have been able to walk away from that bombshell unscathed. "We'll figure it out, alright? Like we always do. We can talk about it when you're doing better." 

As Keegan spoke, he resumed the small, soothing movements of his thumb from earlier, wiping away the tears that fell into its path. And Ajax looked up at him with a look so broken yet so filled with trust and love and hope. A look that simultaneously broke his heart and put it back together again. A mix of adoration and relief - sweet, sweet relief - surged through him, and he gently pressed a kiss to Ajax’s forehead; an action that proved comforting to the both of them. In the fragile, quiet moment, they looked one another in the eyes, wordlessly communicating as much. The love there was less like a feeling; more like an indisputable fact. Logic. Common sense. Not in a way that felt mandatory or forced, but in a way that felt… natural. Like breathing. Grass is green, the sky is blue, Ajax and Keegan love each other; more than words could ever truly describe. “Get some rest, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Ajax was hesitant, and Keegan couldn’t blame him one bit for it. After going through all of that - torn down and hurt by someone once thought to be safe, someone held in such high regard - it’s only natural the idea of sleeping would be off-putting. He looked like he had so much to say, but each passing moment only seemed to drain him further. Struggling against his eyes that were closing against his own will, he gave a weak tug to Keegan's shirt.

"Lay with me, please?" He muttered quietly, hopefully. And who could decline such a thing? It was a tight fit, and a delicate dance around all of Ajax's injuries, but they made it work, carefully slotting together in the way they always did. Ajax buried his head into Keegan's chest, shakily sighing. "Never been so... scared before..." The confession is hushed and fragile.

...

And, above all, it's enitrely, terribly honest.

Nothing could quite compare in Ajax's mind. Even the memory of Sand Viper didn't feel as foreboding as this. Getting caught was one thing, it already had his nerves going. But getting dragged out there, surrounded by the enemy, only to come face-to-face with the man he once considered an ally? Not just that. He'd been a guide, a leader, a protector. A man that fought with righteous fury over his teammates getting hurt, now looking down at him with that brutal, seething hatred. A hatred he only ever directed at his enemies. A hatred that very few survived the receiving end of. 

'You look like you've seen a Ghost.'

His blood ran cold. Anxiety and genuine fear dropped in his chest, several tonnes constricting his lungs, making his heart skip. But in the face of his world being flipped, in the face of a nightmare, Ajax pushed back. He had to. He held himself strong, defiant, all traces of fear shoved deep down in favour of something stronger. 

And a prideful part of him wants to say that it lasted quite a while. Despite the pain tearing him apart, both inside and out, he held onto his confused anger, his disbelief. Rorke, who held himself so high, was now something he'd once hated. Was it too far to call him a hypocrite? Clearly, they'd done something to him, morphed him into a monster (the one he was always capable of becoming) but Ajax couldn't help but feel angered by it. Betrayed. They trusted him. Believed in him. 

And they left him to die.

No. They looked for him for weeks. They'd searched high and low for him. Elias would have turned the whole world upside down looking for him, and Ajax would have followed suit. 

But they didn't. Rorke (and his own mind) reminded him coldly. And so, there he was. Holding onto threads of hope. Hope that his team - his family - knew where he was. Hope that they'd get there in time.

Rorke probably felt the same way all those years ago. But that didn't matter anymore. 

With time, the threads broke. The pain was too much. The information was bare bones but enough, forced out of him at his breaking point, and the second it was, he was cast aside. Left to die in a room tinted red, his hazy thoughts wandered to Grim and Torch, their faces crossed out on the far wall. A sinking feeling hit him. Had this been their fate too? Were they just as scared as he was? Trapped, knowing so much but unable to do anything except lie there and tremble, nerves set alight by an unending agony, not all of which was physical.

This is it. I'm going to die here. He'd thought to himself.

Terrifying that he became so resigned to the idea.

"Ajax!" The call had brought him back a little. It seemed distant at first, but then Keegan had been there, pulling Ajax up and into him immediately after. Amongst the overwhelming, foreboding sense of doom, he was comforting presence, and even now, Ajax knows that if there was any place in the world he'd want to die, it would be in Keegan's arms.

Is such a thought selfish? Maybe it is, but Ajax is only human. 

The sight of Keegan and Merrick gave him one last valiant rush. With a newfound desperation, he tried to warn them. Rorke is behind it all, Rorke was hunting them all down, Rorke knew too much, too much and it was all his fault and--

"Ajax...!" he was pulled from the memory by Keegan's soft yet urgent voice. He's still shaking. He's still in pain. But the looming sense of dying ebbed away as he, once again, grounded himself, holding on tightly to Keegan's clothing. The front of Keegan's shirt had been soaked by tears, and it took a minute to register that they were his. Far too lost in his memories - dreams? - that he hadn't even noticed the next wave of sobs tearing through him. Keegan pulled him closer, muttering more assurances that Ajax melted into, exhausted and shaking.

A dull sense of frustration trickled creeped up inside him as well. He hated feeling like this, hated feeling so fragile. Shattered into pieces that barely even reflected everything he thought himself to be, everything he aspired to be. Everything that he was. He's been through many horrors, unknowable horrors that noone should ever have to witness, and yet this is the thing that tears him down the most. The thing that renders him to ashes, and it was someone he thought could never hurt him.

Fuck.

He could feel himself spiralling again, so instead he held onto Keegan tighter, trying his best to banish the thoughts that plaguing his mind, latching onto the last scraps of positivity he had.

Alive. Safe. Here. With Keegan. 

Here. Alive. 

Another chance. A fighting chance. 

They'll figure it out, like they always do.

He can't do much else in the moment, other than bury his face into Keegan's chest and take comfort in the contact (contact that he thought he'd never have again.) So that's exactly what he does. He lets himself have the comfort.

"We're gonna be okay..." he feels the statement more than he hears it.

"Everything's always okay when you're around." He replied sleepily. Keegan huffed.

"I'll do my best to live up to that." A promise. One that neither of them were sure they could fulfill, but would try their best to nonetheless.

"Already are." A few moments passed, and Ajax settled down once more to sleep. The ache of his body was getting to him, but before he dropped off, he muttered one more declaration, yet another thing he thought he'd never be able to do again. "... I love you."

"I love you." Keegan whispered back, tracing soothing patterns across his back, "Love you more than anything else in this world. 'nd we're gonna make it that son of a bitch's problem as soon as we can."

"'s that you asking me on a date?" Not the response he'd been expecting, judging by the way he laughed.

"Yeah... Yeah, I guess it is."

"Good... Looking forward to it..."

"Get some rest, Sunshine."

Yeah. Pain. Aching. In the comfort of Keegan's arms, Ajax finally lets himself rest again.

[chungledown-bimothy]

LoL Worlds 2023 Finals Reaction Post

instead of a million text posts, i'm gonna just make this one extremely long one.

oh my god t1's first draft. they are not here to fuck around. but also if they don't get a solid early game advantage then uh. fear.

if that was damn near any midlaner other than xiaohu, that would have been first blood for sure. but SO well counterplayed by weibo wow

if i have to watch t1 lose worlds finals to jayce again i'm going to delete that goddamn champion from the entire game.

weiwei is doing WORK keeping weibo in this.

t1's neutral objective control my god

eyyyy atlus ty for the cloud soul

weiwei didn't die???? just maokai things jfc

what does this literally perfect neutral objective control mean if you can't fuckin win a skirmish though

XIAOHU DIDN'T DIE????

yeah okay lost the dragon and the stacking delay isn't great but the won fight is big. both gold wise and mentally

bengi isn't here D:

keria. the love of my life. guma looked dead to rights, but keria simply will not allow that.

i was so afraid zeus wouldn't be able to stand up to theshy. that really was my biggest fear for this series, and it is so reassuring that he absolutely is

god it's only 28 minutes into game 1 and i'm already struggling to stay awake

zeus fucking melted that dragon holy shit

hell yeah boys, 2 more games of that <3 <3 <3

DRAVEN!

yeah okay there's the yone ban lol

nocturne? oooh oner is feeling himself today

this is such a fun draft omg. still very scared about top lane, but the big picture t1's put together is fantastic. looove watching t1 play that clean, clean macro.

hmm don't love that start for the bot lane. not idea.

holy shit theshy (impressed) holy shit theshy (my dude you're throwing)

THE EXECUTE zeus is the only god i worship actually

wow i've got way fewer thoughts this game. the time is catching up to me and i'm too eepy for that much thought lol

lmao guma just looked at crisp and he exploded. and oner's ults have been so, so good this whole game

i know it's hope that kills you. and it's been very, very rough to watch t1's finals appearances these last few years, so i've not really let myself hope. but i can't help it at this point

zeus series mvp, but oner deserves it too

MATCH POINT LET'S FUCKING GOOOO

i really hope they stay together if they win. i don't want to have to divide my loyalties.

...oh god what if they win and then faker retires.

BENGI'S NOT THERE OH NO i'd forgored D:

xayah rakan ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

brad is fun but like. weird choice so early on imo

akali! lee sin! you fucking love to see it

lmao imagine picking kennen into zeus. the aatrox is a ballsy choice, but he's absolutely earned that at this point

oner and zeus own this series.

awww man that grand entrance was so good it's tragic it wasn't quite enough

i have so many more thoughts about this game than i have the energy to make coherent let alone type oop

damn that herald just isn't gonna die good for them

FAKER TRIPLE KILL and he's so focused it doesn't even register on his face

and he just. keeps. going. then zeus cleans up with the double kill.

fuck i have to pee so bad but i can't miss a second of this live

that should have been a pick onto keria. but no, 2 kills for t1. jfc

this is it. they've done it. oh my fucking god.

we've hit hitting them with their wallets territory. idk maybe there's some miracle somewhere but not really. not with t1 playing like this. not with their lead.

HOW DID ZEUS NOT DIE

oh my god they did it they're so cute i cannot see what i'm typing through the tears

the first professional league i ever watched was the last time t1 won worlds.

AND THEY'RE IN KOREA FUCKING HELL

holy shit they did it. fuck i'm so fucking proud of them

faker was so casual about the win, too. that boy i swear to god i have never wanted to suck a dick so bad in my life

[cryoexorcist]

"I might... need a bit of help..." Tighnari murmurs, his words noticeably sluggish compared to he normally sounded. It's not uncommon for the Forest Watcher to use himself as a guinea pig when it comes to testing the effects of the local flora and fungi, and such is the case here as the fox lowers himself down to sit, normally bright eyes blinking up at Chongyun blearily. In this particular case, the unfamiliar mushroom that he's sampled has quickly left his head feeling rather foggy, a sensation akin to drunkenness leaving the botanist feeling quite dizzy compared to but a few moments ago.

"'s... a good thing you came 'long," he slurs, struggling to piece his thoughts together and form them into coherent sentences. The sudden heaviness of his eyelids doesn't help matters either, and Tighnari shakes his head in an effort to dispel some of the sleepiness.

It really doesn't do much. In fact, he looks as if he might be dozing off then and there, despite his best efforts. "Mmmmm..."

Good lord Tighnari is adorable like this. The circumstances are unfortunate, but Chongyun can't help the quiet giggle that slips out when Tighnari is clearly struggling to stay awake. Sitting down next to the fox, Chongyun recalls their own lessons on how to handle the effects of drugs.

Chongyun's clan isn't well versed in the use of incense or drugs, but Chongyun's heard of clan members dabbling, as though such practices would help them reach spiritual enlightenment. Chongyun's had a passive interest himself, but no steps had been taken to actually get to that point, more satisfied with the path they're on.

But regardless, Chongyun has a faint idea on how to get aid Tighnari. First, Chongyun checks his pulse to see if there are any irregularities. A ltitle on the slower side, but nothing that is overly alarming quite yet. With a sigh, Chongyun then grips Tighnari by the chin and pulls his head up, pushing one eye open. The fox is clearly sleepy, but Chongyun hopes he isn't too out of it.

"You still with me?" Chongyun asks, giving him a shake, then letting go of his face. "We're going to have to walk back to your home." Chongyun wonders if there would be any side effects to this later, and he makes a mental note to talk to Collei to see what she can help with. Given Tighnari's affinity to eating strange plants, Collei's bound to know something that can help, unless what Tighnari needs is to just sleep it off.

"Alright you." Chongyun hauls Tighnari to his feet, looping one arm around his waist. Chongyun grabs Tighnari's arm and drapes it over their own shoulder, angling the fox so his head is resting on Chongyun's shoulder. He's not sure if Tighnari is awake enough to walk, but Chongyun can carry him anyway. "One foot in front of the other, alright? Just like that."

They keep their pace slow and steady, so as to not drag the forest ranger, but also trying to keep him awake, as well, so he can at least focus on taking small steps.

"When we get back, we're going to have a sit down with Collei and talk about not eating every random mushroom we come across, alright?" Chongyun's tone is light, teasing, and he's not even entirely sure Tighnari can hear him anymore. "And I'm officially grounding you for the day."

[mejomonster]

I finished Justice in the Dark eps 7 and 8 and uh

Expect more later when I'm more awake and coherent

I think it's a cosmic joke, somehow. That the show eps stop at exactly where I last read up to. Way before edanglars made a translation, back when I read 15ish chapters by a group then mtl translation looking up words until I got to the scene. The scene where the girl is interrogated. I read through that chapter. It's the freshest scene in my mind and the one I most anticipated. I read a bit past that case's end and into the start of the next one i think. But the girl being interviewed is the big memory I have. Her internal monologue in the novel. How terrifying it was. How Much it was. How I felt entirely on a new level about priests writing and use of pov after that. And that's the scene presumably the next episode (whenever that will be) may start on. What an odd match up.

I mean it's certainly compelling me to reread and read further like that'll tempt the universe or something lol.

Unrelated I once Said to myself Immortality will air when I heal from this long term health issue so. Um expect April or May at earliest if that somehow magically comes to pass. I have a specialist appointment in April which I'm hoping somehow I'm already healing by then enough they'll be able to tell me "keep going on ur treatment u should be back to normal by X month" or "here this is the cause since no one figured it out yet" that'd be nice. Then I predict lol you know. Immortality and it's intensive amounts and me marathoning it before subs come out so I'm too busy to use feeling better to idk go hiking for a few weeks ToT (why yes I am trying to be an optimist lol)

Next post will have actual episodes commentary >o<)/

[herobrinezombie]

Alright, I said I would start writing, but then I got taken by some other shit. So uh, here's a short story I wrote for a school assignment a while back that I'm proud of. Prolly is my first actual attempt at writing a coherent story like this. Hope you guys enjoy it

Drifting,

It had been a long night for John. Work had been rough and taxing on him. After pulling an all nighter, he's on the road to resting. The road has been smooth and stiff for the miles driven. The air, old, dry, and stale. John's eyes and mind weigh heavy on him as laboring at two jobs hasn't earned enough to pay rent next month. Wishing he could just live in the woods for the remainder of his days. As his thoughts dwell on his situation, his wary state takes hold.

He jolts awake as he feels his truck drifting too far to the side and into the tree thicket lining the road. Quickly and with a yelp he grabs the wheel and twists the truck back onto course. Adrenaline pumping through him, he stares, thinking for a moment about what just happened. He turns on the radio to keep himself awake, but it doesn't last for long. Sleep slowly enveloping his vision he drifts off into slumber.

John is walking into his boss’s office. “Hey there John, how's it going,” Coran cheerily spouted upon John entering. “Been doing okay,” John replied.

“You know what’s been doing better than okay?” Coran asked. “The amount of lumber we’ve been selling.” John tenses up as he starts to speak, “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.” Coran raises a tentative eyebrow. “Since the company is doing so well, Could it fit into the budget for a raise?” John anxiously suggested. 

He awakes to metal ripping and tearing around him. Thrown around from the impact, John's mind is muddled. As his thoughts groggily reform from sleep, he opens the truck door, stumbles out of his car and into the woods. Before long, the adrenaline fades and he realizes he's forgotten from which direction he came from. Shadows creep near his feet, noises dance around his ears, the moon's light playing tricks on him.

Then a scent hits him, a light and smokey scent, and he freezes. Anxiety building from within, scrambled pieces of thoughts swell in John’s mind. Realizing more and more, dread builds in him. As a distant wolf howls, John is sent spiraling a panic and bolts. Almost sprinting through the woods John's head is swiveling around at every tree's rustle, every croak of a toad, every distant twig snapping.

His mind still spinning from the crash, the darkness, the noises, the fear, he bolts toward where he thinks the smell is coming from. As he sprints a root from a nearby tree wraps around his foot. In his frenzy John failed to realize this. His ankle trapping his leg, he falls. His body smashing against the ground leaves John defeated. Once more he begins to drift off into slumber.

Coran looked at John for a minute before responding. “I don’t know John, there's a lot to balance with that,” Coran started. “If we gave you a raise we would have to give everyone a raise and we can’t do that. It would take money away from expansion we have planned.”

“But I do a lot more work then th-” John is cut off by Coran. “How about this, we provide a pool table for the breakroom, you get a fun activity to do over breaks and the company can still expand as planned.” Coran looks at John with a clear expression that this debate is over. John tries to speak, “But that’s no-,” Coran glares at John. “Nevermind then,” he says dejectedly and walks out of the office.

He’s awoken by the sound of falling trees. As he comes too eyes gaze over an orange flicker in the distance. Trying to pry himself from the ground, he pushes up from it. Almost standing now, he starts running from it. Sprinting through the forest unimpeded. The light blazes behind him.

As he makes it through the forest, a limb hangs low out and a loud “Twack” rings out, and John falls from the impact. Dazedly, he tries to get up, feeling the heat approaching. His arms give out. Days of long work and nights of short rest have taken their toll on him. Unable to resist the allure of sleep any longer, John's eyes shut and he drifts off into the warm night.

[your-sweet-cookies]

🎲

The kiss roulette

And your lucky number is... 35!

A kiss against the wall

It was unusual for Kukki to have an outburst of anger like the one she had just now, but even she had a patience limit that if crossed, she wouldn't have been able to hold back her emotions any longer. This must've been the hundredth or thousandth time Niragi came back badly injured from one of the games, acting as if nothing was wrong or bad in the world, worrying her sick in the process, and Kukki kind of reached her limits with his soo uncaring demeanor.

When was he going to finally understand that his carelessness towards his own safety and life was hurting her? Couldn't he see how much he meant to her and how worried she was every time he'd be running late from one of the games or when she saw him coming back covered up in blood?! Even if she was still shy about it and she didn't really know how to express her feelings that well, Niragi meant the world to her and Kukki felt that if she were to lose him, her life would lose all its meaning too! So it broke her heart seeing him like that or knowing how little he cared if he'd die or not.

But this time... This time he had went too far! When the last car of the night returned and Niragi was still nowhere to be seen, Kukki's anxiety and desperation reached such a high level that she felt as if her world was going to start crumbling down before her eyes. All she could do was fall to her knees, staring blankly at the now empty car, while hearing the other militants, who'd just returned, talking in passing that tonight's games were incredibly brutal: an 8 of Spades, 9 of Clubs and a game of hearts she couldn't remember what difficulty they mumbled about. What if... What if Niragi had lost his life in one of these games?

The question still lingered in her mind as Kukki stood there, frozen in place, for what must've been hours. She couldn't scream, she couldn't cry, she just felt extremely... empty. And in the end, when the fatigue caused by all that anxiety finally reached her, the silver-haired woman fell asleep, still propped against the giant metal gates of the resort.

And thus, the first rays of the morning sun found Kukki still in the same place, but at least the dawn of the new day brought with it the good news she was starting to lose hope of ever hearing. "Morning princess! What's up, decided to camp outside for the night?" The familiar sound of the deep, raspy and husky tone of the voice she knew oh so well startled Kukki awake, as she blinked confused and stared baffled at its owner.

Staying now in front of her, leaning on his rifle as a makeshift cane for support, was none other than Niragi. A pretty roughed up and beaten up Niragi, but an alive one nonetheless. "S-Suguru?" Kukki's voice trembled when she finally recognized her lover and realized he was indeed real and not an illusion created by her heartbroken psyche, her eyes now filling up with tears of happiness and relief.

"Yours truly." Niragi snorted and tried teasing her, as Kukki didn't wait any additional second and jumped up, throwing herself at him for a very tight hug. "I-I am soo glad you're finally back! I-I was so worried! When that car came without you... I... I..." She could barely form coherent sentences in her erratic speech as she sobbed, squeezing the man even tighter as if she was afraid he'd disappear from her grasp if she didn't hold him strong enough.

Hearing her say that and feeling her trembling little body pressed like that against him brought a slight smile to Niragi's tired features. "It's okay princess... Now I'm back here, so you don't have to worry anymore." His roughed up hand pat her gently on the head, while the other rested on her back in a half hug. "I'm sorry I made you sad... Last night's game was truly one hell of a bitch! Got a broken leg after falling in a fucking ditch and the idiots I was with didn't even bother to check if I was still alive! They just upped and left. But fortunately, I don't have any intentions to meet the Devil yet, so I made my way back on foot, limping, but still in one piece." The man explained and let out a slight chuckle, anger laced in his words remembering about his useless teammates.

"For fuck's sake Suguru! You should've used that goddamn walkie talkie to call for help!" Kukki snapped back at him, rendering Niragi confused. "Walkie talkie?" It took him a slight moment to remember that indeed, Hatter required of them to have one of those on hand in case something were to ever happen and they'd need assistance, but he never gave a fuck about what that crazy bastard had to say. No one told Niragi what to do! So he never bothered getting one for himself. "Ah, that... I don't give a shit about Hatter's stupid toys, so I never got one."

A loud thud could be heard as Niragi's tall body got slammed with rather surprising force into the wall opposing them, as his answer seemed to have really rubbed his girlfriend the wrong way. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! DO YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE?! HOW CARELESS CAN YOU BE?! YOU COULD'VE DIED! AND FOR WHAT?! BECAUSE YOU DON'T WANT TO FOLLOW HATTER'S RULES?!" Kukki screamed at him in a way he'd never thought her capable of. Not that Niragi would have ever thought her capable of pinning him to a wall either, but looks like Kukki really kept true to her promise of always being unpredictable.

"Oh wow... I never thought you had this much force in those delicate arms of yours..." Niragi laughed nervously, still a bit in shock from her reaction. "What if you wouldn't have been able to make it back?! Or worse, what if your wound would've been much worse and the lack of medical assistance could've costed you your life?! Don't you care if you were to die?! DON'T YOU CARE ABOUT ME?!" Kukki continued on, her eyes filling up with a new stream of hot, bitter tears.

"Why can't you understand that your life means much more than you think?! And that your death would break those who care about you, especially me?! Can't you see your actions are hurting me deeply?! When will you understand how much I love you?" With those final words and the tears rolling down her cheeks, Kukki grabbed his collar and pulled him into a deep, messy and sloppy angry kiss, but one in which she tried her best to encapsulate all her feelings and strong emotions she harbored for him. The young woman then didn't let go of him until they both ran out of air. "I don't want to fucking lose you! If you'd die, I'd lose the only thing that keeps me going and the only person I've ever loved and loved me back... If you leave me, there would be nothing else worth fighting for anymore! What would be the point? I love you more than anything!" Kukki then continued crying and buried her face in his chest.

[omg-just-peachy]

Omg this was sooooo cute.

…and now I’m thinking of times the rest of the team lets Steve and Tony get away with breaking the “no kissing during missions” rule: when one of them is hurt and they can’t get to safety right away 😈

Imagine Tony being hurt and Steve cradling him and giving him gentle little kisses to try and make him feel better while the team is hiding out. No one would dare try and enforce the rule (maybe Clint does jokingly and gets scolded lol), Tony appreciates Steve rebellion in this regard💔💔❤️💔

ahhh ty <3 here is another snippet, this time of a mission gone wrong and everyone worrying...

****

"Tony? Sweetheart, it's just me, okay? I'm going to set you down over here, alright?" Steve's words were blurry, sounding just far enough away that Tony knew it was Steve, but very little else. He heard himself groan, the sound followed by more muted words.

"He's... He's going to be okay, right? Isn't that what the doctor said?" Natasha that time, and Tony was feeling more awake by the minute.

"He said he hoped that would be the case. It won't be until we talk to Helen that we can really know for sure. The arc reactor shouldn't sustain that much water damage and he was already so..." Steve stopped, his voice thick.

"He'll be okay," another voice chimed in. "It's Tony, he's always okay." There was an edge to that last part, broken and breathy in a way that Tony was unfamiliar with Bruce being.

"Our Man of Iron will be right as rain as soon as we're home," Thor said, and Tony could almost picture the uncertain frown creasing his eyebrows.

Clint cleared his throat. "Yeah he's... he'll be..."

A silence hung thick and heavy throughout the room, and Tony wanted to tell them not to be so fucking dramatic, that he was right here in the room, but his head was so heavy, his chest felt like it had an elephant or five sitting on top of it, and he was fairly sure he couldn't string a coherent sentence together if his life depended on it.

His life probably did depend on it.

There was a quick squeeze just then, a pressure at his wrist followed by more muffled words. "I'm not going anywhere, okay? I love you." A lighter pressure, more sure this time. Steve, again, Tony knew, deep down, that only Steve could pair words so heavy with a kiss so light.

There were more words after that, muttered, muted conversations that Tony's brain couldn't focus on, followed by silence. Then, the sound of Steve's voice, always Steve, every time Tony could maintain consciousness long enough to focus.

It wasn't until he felt something hot and wet on his face that Tony was able to muster the strength to finally, finally pry his eyes open, blinking up at Steve from beneath a haze of heavy medication.

"Damn Rogers, no need to cry over spilled superhero," Tony heard himself say. There was another long silence, followed by the sound of more sobs, relieved this time, he was almost positive. "That was terrible, even for me. Dad joke dumpster fire."

"...Tony? You're... You look— You're okay?" Steve fumbled to get the words out, exhaustion and worry painting his beautiful features.

"Someone got to me just in time," Tony said, and did his best to grin charmingly up at Steve.

"Tony, it was so close, I almost... you almost..." Steve stopped himself.

"But I didn't, and you did," Tony reassured him. When Steve reached over to cup his cheek in his big, warm palm, Tony couldn't help but lean into the touch. Couldn't help but let Steve kiss him all over, from his lips to his cheeks and his nose and forehead, like he was cataloging every part of Tony, looking for some missing piece.

"You're okay," Steve said, more sure this time.

"M'okay," Tony agreed. "Little banged up, head's too fuzzy for me to be my usual charming self."

"You're always charming," Steve said immediately, making them both smile.

"S'why I love you. Hey, no one better give us any shit for kissing this time," he added, leaning up and pressing a quick kiss to Steve's lips.

Steve looked confused for a minute, then shook his head in disbelief. "You're not really still talking about—"

"I wouldn't be if you would get over here and kiss it all better," Tony quipped.

Steve kissed him, long and slow and full of enough reassurance for the both of them, the hospital machines beeping all around them, a sigh of life, a promise that Tony would be just fine.

[deememm]

21 Questions

XOXO Fexi Party DAY 3: Protective AU Notes: Helloooo, it's a day late but better late than never! Decided to write a fic on here because I love incorporating visuals and gifs with stories. :) Tell me if you life this and enjoy!!

*PING*

*PING*

Fez was driving back from a pick-up when he felt his cell phone buzz in his pocket. Lexi had gone to some drama kid's party with Rue and some of her friends. He was planning to chill back at home with Ash, waiting for her to text him and complain about how bored she was.

They had been seeing each other after the party on New Year's Eve. They'd been texting each other frequently and she'd come by his store and house more than often. No one really knew about their relationship and they both never really cared what anyone would think if they did find out. Just as long as the people he dealt with kept far away from her, he was good. With Lexi, he never had to keep his guard up. He truthfully speak his mind and she'd listen, vice versa. The way she'd smile shyly at him when he'd compliment her, the taste of her lips, the curves of her body when she'd press up against him. He never related to what addicts felt like but it was like he couldn't get enough of her. One taste of Lexi and he'd been hooked.

Sliding his phone out of his pocket to check who texted him. He felt his blood rushing as he swiftly pulled over to read the rest of the messages.

Ash had quickly sensed something was off by the change in Fez' calm demeanor and almost frantic look in his eyes and he watched him call someone on his phone.

"Yo what's wrong?"

"It's Lexi."

Fez rarely got angry.

It was an emotion he hated feeling. It made him do things he didn't want to do and say things he had no control over.

The thought of someone pulling shit on Lexi and potentially doing something to her made him see red. She was his family. He'd die to protect anyone who was family. She was his girl.

His mind was running at a mile a minute, thinking of all the scenarios he could potentially walk into.

Pulling up to the large house, Fez slammed open his car door and tossed his keys to Ash.

"Be ready."

Ash quickly stepped out of the passenger seat and into the driver's side, keys in the ignition, waiting. He'd never admit it but a small part of him was nervous and hoping that Lexi was ok.

Walking through the house, Fez scanned his eyes through the crowd of drunk and high teenagers. All he wanted to see was Lexi and know she was ok.

"Just tell me what you slipped her, get the fuck away from us and stop harassing her!"

The sound of Rue's voice caught his attention. He looked towards the dining room to see Rue fighting off a lanky tall teenage boy leaning far too close to Lexi who was sitting at the table, barely coherent and noticing the commotion above her.

Fez walked with long strides towards his girl. The primal need to protect what was his coming over him. He watched as Rue stared at him with wide eyes, scared of the look on his face. Something she had never seen and was used to. The closer he got the closer he realized that he was walking on a thin line between keeping his cool and blind rage.

"Yo Rue, who's this?"

"This is the fucker that gave Lexi her drink!" Rue exclaimed as she pushed the guy further back.

Fez took a step closer, stepping up to the guy face to face, putting space between the motherfucker and Lexi.

"Word? What the fuck did you slip in there?" Fez asked calmly teetering back and forth between his thin line.

"Fuck off, dude. I'm just trying to get some pussy."

Line crossed.

Blind rage came over Fez as he smirked at the guy one last time, grabbed his drunken body, and slammed his fist into his face multiple times.

He was going to murder this guy and he didn't give two fucks.

"....Feezzzz? Issthatyouu?"

Hearing her voice through the screams coming from the crowd. It was like he snapped back into his body as he stopped and looked back at his girl, more awake, locking her brown eyes with his blue.

Standing up and walking away from the bloodied body on the ground, he stalked back to Lexi and gently lifted her chin up with his bloodied and bruised knuckles.

"Baby, you good?"

Giving him a small smile, the smile that he loved, she nodded slowly and giggled at him assuringly.

Slowly lifting her up, he helped her walk slowly out of the house, kissing her forehead every so often, with a speechless Rue shockingly following in tow, to his car with Ash.

This was his family and he'd do anything to protect his family.