#i hope i covered all of your concerns here but i am imperfect so let me know if i left something out

[atangledfate]

She smiled warmly at Poppy and curled her tail around the Possums in a gentle soothing way. As if she feared the thought of learning might scare her away, or unsettle her. But Blaze knew that there was alot more to this duty and life then simple reading, or writing. So much tradition and culture that Poppy would need to learn and understand. It would take time and study though she did hope Poppy would catch on quickly. In the end even if Poppy opted to step away from politics, she'd still love her all the same.

" Ah, i do fear there is much you will need to know. Much that Gardon and myself are not totally qualified to teach. Plus he and i have our own duties so, it is best we hire someone qualified to teach you. There are many traditions and cultures within Sol, and as my Consort you will need to be aware of each to better rule over each region "

She explained as her tail coiled more lovingly around Poppys own tail.

" As a Demi-Goddess i suppose i often overlook my own well being more then i should. I don't require food or water as often as others, my body heals quickly and there are few genetic imperfections... so i don't often consider things like rest... or exhaustion as i should... in a way i was engineered by my mother, so i would not have many failings though, i am still mortal a fact i... sometimes forget "

She admitted with a hand touching her cheek as if this was embarrassing for her to admit. She simply didn't want to admit to herself that she was weak in anyway. That her body had limits, as she was held on such a high regard by her people she had to be more then she was.

She was brought from her thoughts by that kiss and a light flush covered her cheeks. Even she could feel a bit embarrassed at times, as her thoughts got the better of her.

" I'm sure we can find a partner adequate to handle your physical strength. There are many martial styles within Sol, i'll happily find you a sensai to teach you one that fancies you, i'll have to find you a book to go over concerning martial arts. It would be good motivation for you to learn to read Solese. "

Her head tilted though when Poppy explained what she saw, and had to wonder what conditioning she might have endured. She knew the Warrior Monks of the temple underwent intense training both physical and mental. If these Iron Paws were similar there was no telling what she endured.

" Well let us keep an eye on her then, if you believe it is concerning i'll have a talk with her... or perhaps Lilianna would be a better choice. As a Warrior Monk herself she might have an understanding of what she's dealing with. Though let us hope that peace will calm her troubled soul "

She smiled down at Lilly and reached down to give her a gentle pat on her head. She was happy that she could give Lilly a life with out worry of persecution or hatred. That wasn't to say that kids could not still be cruel or mean spirited. That was likely simply a part of growing up and children being children. She hoped and prayed that she would find her days in school things to be remembered and adored, when she was grown.

" Yes you will not find those disliking you for simply being who you are here. This city is a great bastion of culture of all walks of life. I imagine you will even see other Possums there, though of the Solarian Variety. They aren't unheard of, though tend to mostly live in more rural areas "

He ear flicked at Poppys admission as she listened to her explain that she had killed someone. It did give her some pause and concern but more at how that must have effected Poppy. There was likely much to this story that she had not spoken on. Blaze wished to know the details but now was hardly a good time with Lilly listening in so close to there words.

" I See... We should speak on this in private later. I wish to know the full story--- Though this will not make me love you any less. I see a good loving soul within you Poppy. No matter what happened... i know you had your reasons. But i would still like to hear this story in detail if you are up to it, perhaps when small ears are not so close "

"I was thinking I could just wing it, though guess if ya think I should get some tutors then alright." Poppy only intended to have Gardon teach her how to properly read. Honestly, the opossum was surprised no one here had actually caught on to her poor reading skills. Then again, she had gotten pretty good at hiding the fact for the most part. She did doubt that Priestess chick will be fooled for long. "Take it from the lady with heart problems, health is very important."

"I can only promise to try not getting in a fight with any of your guards. Still getting used to authority not wanting to arrest me for just breathing," Poppy said then gives Blaze a small kiss on the cheek in return. "Though I wouldn't mind sparring with some of them from time to time. Help get me in shape. Maybe I should learn how to properly fight than the poor boxing I know." The opossum had the basics, though that's about it.

"I mean, I know she is, though I'm not joking when I said that Iron Palm training messed her up a bit. Saw her talking to herself rather aggressively this morning and she was super jumpy. Wasn't like that before joining the Iron Palm Temple. Though I hope you're right at the chillness of this dimension helps her chill out." Poppy did wonder just what training those lot put her sister through.

"That sounds like fun. I've been to school once or twice, then we moved. Mom never told me why, though she said it was important." Lily didn't question her mom too much as she was told that it was to keep her safe. "Make friends, though be careful of who you trust, right mom?"

"Yeah, though maybe you can ease up on it. Ain't no worry about folks disliking ya for just being an opossum here. Not that they should've done that in Flora either." Poppy was still so glad she didn't have to worry about the endless bounty hunters. "Cover ya ears for a sec," the opossum said, and Lily covered her ears.

"So, uh, figured I'd mention this as my mum has a habit of little things slip by mistake, though there's a specific reason I had to leave Trace. A lot of stuff happened, my friend joined some resistance, and by the end of it I tore a man's throat open with a flick of my wrist. That was a VERY bad day." Poppy might as well air out the last of her dirty laundry.

[dailytatsu]

Hello! I saw request were open so i was wondering if i could request some headcanons of the Archons and/or the Adepti meeting a God reader who is the God of Chaos and destruction. The reader is not a Archon tho and travels all over Teyvat cuz small bits of destruction were ever they go. They're pretty mischievous and somewhat smug but despite how they act they're actually a good person. They dont mean to cause problems(most of the time anyways) chaos follows them were ever they go. Idk if you have a character limit but if you do please tell me so i wont make a mistake again. And if there is you can just do Zhongli and Xiao. Optionally could you make them a dendro user, there not a lot of dendro content and if not thats fine. I understand. Could you make the reader Gn or Non-binary they/them pronouns please? If not male reader is totally fine. Im so sorry for the long post and I hope you have a good day/night!

Ohmy, it’s my first time just writing headcanons! I’m use to write a lot, so let’s hope I did it right (^ ^' )7

Thanks for the request! ✨

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[HC] God of Chaos! Reader and the Archons + Xiao

Characters: Zhongli, Xiao, Venti, Shogun Raiden (Ei).

Gn! Reader

I tried doing it with everyone but I’m no still that confident to try writing with some characters ＿|￣|○

Sorry for any mistakes!

Request are open!

Genshin Masterlist

Second part ->

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VENTI

To be honest, he didn't notice your presence at first. He had other concerns on his mind that day to perceive the chaotic (and slightly threatening) aura that Mondstadt was infected with that day.

Barbatos is a person of habit, so he couldn't help but be curious when the crowd in front of him began to look a little agitated instead of seeming to enjoy his lyre and his songs.

But then a series of domino events appeared in front of his very eyes.

The purity of the chaos was such that he felt overwhelmed, even without the white-haired boy around, if it wasn’t Bennett fault, then how was it possible for everything to be ruined in such a short time?

His patience ended when, out of nowhere, the strings of his lyre jumped close to his face as they snapped. Making that awful noise that couldn’t mean nothing good.

Okay, enough, who is messing around in here? No more joking in his nation!

He concentrated a little, a faint but unique presence kept his nerves on edge, as if he was being watched from afar. He moved away from the busy areas and then chased that ephemeral energy to the highest point of the church, where the bells were ringing in an irregular and stressful way.

Then he found you. Snoozing against one of the columns, somewhat tired because the trip you made to reach Mondstadt.

Surprisingly, Barbatos understood you since the first exchange of words. A god of chaos who was also a free spirit, you followed no rules ever written in Teyvat, and you had no plans to apologize for the mess you made.

Both of you were Zhongli’s worst nightmare, but that’s another story.

He managed to through your arrogance and your teasing nature that you, in fact, were a lonely spirit that liked to witness the life from above of everyone.

The difference between teasing someone accidentally and committing a crime was really visible, but he still couldn't help but feel like he should scold you after your mere presence messed up with the guild's baskets full of fish.

But hey! He also enjoy the company! Venti tried to teach you how to enjoy the calm and the whisper of wind, music can also contain chaos, feelings, old stories waiting to be told again, expressions and desire united, in a wonderful piece of-

As you yawned his lyre broke up again. Making clear the message.

Okay, not even God of Freedom and Wind can control chaos. Anyways, what a tragedy, but there’s nothing a simple bard can do, smh.

“Do you like kids, don’t you?” He said once, after a nice day of hearing him sing before your chaos reached his little concert. Again watching everyone from above on the hands of the statue, with your attention caught by some kids playing tag.

“… I don’t know what do you mean.” Once discovered you had no choice but to remain defensive, pretending to be disinterested.

“Heh, you aren’t a good liar.” It may not be the wisest thing to make fun of someone who could destroy the place where you were resting, but Venti was confident that he knew you well enough to know that you were not so explosive. “You know!, I just have some pieces, but I think it’s because they are little walking concentrations of pure and innocent chaos, am I wrong?”

He wasn’t, no at all. But you would never confess something that embarrassing.

This guy wrote a ballad about the days when Mondstadt got immerse with that strike of bad luck. Kind of an apology of not being able to handle the situation.

Now there’s the rumor that says that, every time somebody sings that song, something unlucky will happen in front of you.

The song is cursed.

One night when the moon was shining on the Cider Lake his well tuned ears distinguished a melody that was broken from time to time by the accidents of his performer, distracting him of his way to look for you.

It could be painful to listen to, but Venti could certainly feel the dedication of the one who was playing the imperfect song.

The ballad of the god of chaos, hummed like a lullaby that instead of making you sleep makes you question the events of the day. Wishing for the slightest thing to be different after an exhaustive week of peace and tranquility.

A lonely spirits cursing their existence, sitting in the highest point of a stranger’s palace, where you can reach the sky by only rising your hand.

The next day, Barbatos invited you to drink some wine, this time near Windrise to avoid accidents in the city.

As he almost dropped the bottle when a lot of slimes were attracted by your presence, he confirmed the theory about that the way to spend time with you would not be his personal definition of hanging out.

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ZHONGLI

Okay, there’s only two scenarios that could happened when you set a foot in Liyue.

Old man has a soft spot for you for being a relative young deity.

Or he’s always lecturing you for not having control of your aura and powers.

How u dare bringing chaos to the nation of order? It’s that a death wish?

Jokes aside, you’re not really a threat. And he could sense that after he saw how you tried to avoid having direct contact with the city. Rex Lapis found your silhouette jumping and crossing through the mountains until reaching the fairest point that allowed you to enjoy the view of the streets that were filled with life and light as the sunsets.

He even noticed how you sighed in frustration when a storm started out of nowhere. A rain dedicated just for the arriving of the God of Chaos. Not even bothering of getting shield, you stayed in your place to look at all the people who were getting back to their places.

The rain seemed to stop over your head, for a second was enough to stop you from being cruelly swamped by the very weather you had created. An elegant umbrella covered you, the long awaited surprise you expected from someone as outdated as Morax.

You looked up, and found his expression calm and attentive, watching you. As if he had made a great discovery that he could not believe

“May I have a moment of your time to keep you company? Letting out your sorrows in the middle of a torrential storm is not what I would recommend as way to spend a good day.”

“… What are you talking about? Get in your own business, old man.”

“Well, you should know that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved.”

Next time you knew was that he was helping you to dry your hair with a towel once you let him guide you to his place.

Zhongli picked you up like a abandoned cat that day. Even if having you near meant to deal with new the roof leaks.

Also kept you away from Hu Tao, if you two ever get along for being partners in crime he would seal himself underground-

For all the time you spend exploring Liyue, there he was. Like a little kid showing his treasures. But also like a worried father looking after his child for them not to stumble making their first steps.

Look at you! Almost crushing those Treasure Hoarders when a bunch of rocks fell down after you jumped at the edge of the cliff.

Wait, no- come back here! You should verify the surroundings and be aware of the weight of your power if you’re going to explore in that bold way. You, chaotic brat.

Another one who believed fervently that your mood was to blame for the constant chaos you caused. He also tried to show you the wonders of peace and calm, teaching you how to prepare tea while listening to the storyteller (also both being a little far away from the rest of them, just in case).

He couldn’t help but sigh when the teapot arm broke as soon as you tried to serve the tea. What a waste, he thought.

You apologized to him, kind of stressed with yourself after you took all the pieces with your bare hands to run away with them. Leaving a confused Zhongli behind.

Next day you were back, with the teapot repaired and just like new.

He let out a lot of thankful words, some flattering and a lot more cheesy things that you never had received before.

With that unexpected affection you couldn’t help but react flustered; then a cat that was chasing a bird jumped through a lot of decorations and merchandise, almost starting a fire as the chained events kept going.

Yeah,, uh, Zhongli got some useful mental notes about you and your chaos that day.

Hey, before you go, want to make a contract? You won’t regret it!

But as the wandering spirit you were you had no problems in reject his offer, but also promising that you would visit Liyue if he wanted you to.

Of course he wanted! But.. maybe next time you should stay in Huaguang Stone Forest instead of roaming near the city,,

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XIAO

Tried to kill you.

I mean, your aura is threatening and full of a destructive energy, how is possible that you weren’t a demon to eradicate??

Sorry, but he had a point.

Your first met was on your way to reach Huaguang Stone Forest along with Zhongli for introduce you with the Adeptus.

Xiao, in the other side, thought that you were about to attack Morax from behind, so he just struck against you. With his polearm near to go through your chest, just stopped because you felt him before.

Lifting your hand at his direction, summoning chaos, this time, on purpose. The wind gained a wrathful nature and the biggest roots that were hiding under his feet rose to caught him.

And when you were about to hit each other Zhongli’s shield appeared just in time to separate both of you. Preventing a real catastrophic event.

Now stop fighting and introduce to each other.

Nice(n’t) to meet u.

What if you tried to awake Azhdaha to bring chaos and destruction to Liyue? What if you wanted to summoned Osial? What if… ?

Zhongli had to confirm and promise to him that those cruel possibilities won’t be a near future for respecting the real reason of your travel.

No matter if he wasn’t comfortable with your presence, it wasn’t his decision to allow you to roam freely, so he had to get use to it.

He immediately knew after hearing about your nature that was your fault that lately there were a lot more demons and monsters. Even his karma was getting more painful than usual.

(If you ever meet Hu Tao, please think twice before doing Xiao a prank)

You both didn’t interact a lot, and being honest, it was better that way.

He hadn’t a single intention of talking with you again until the day you were practicing the song that your Anemo friend taught you. By the other hand, Xiao noticed that the melody had the same nature as the one he once heard before being consumed by the karma.

It wasn’t a flute, but a worn lyre that was still in one piece after weeks of being repaired again and again.

“That song… ”

“Do you know it?” Xiao just nodded, staying in silence, being your very first audience even if you still have a lot to learn about playing a lyre.

It wasn’t as effective as the original, but was still… nice, kind of nostalgic.

Next morning, the Yaksha called for you. Made you stay still in the middle of a plain and then he disappeared of your sight.

He abandoned y- wait, what’s that? Why those monsters has that weird dark aura?

You were about to defend yourself until Xiao appeared back just in time to defeat them.

That day you became his personal bait for demons and monsters. Naturally you attracted chaos, so anyway you were, there will be also something to fight.

I guess this is your way to pay for all the troubles you made for him and his duty, so no complaining about it.

If you ask for a unexpected experience to Ganyu she would said that once she found both of you fighting along against the catastrophe, looking after each other’s back and almost having a perfect synchrony.

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SHOGUN RAIDEN; EI

Also tried to kill you.

Well, the puppet tried to.

And then Ei tried when you had the opportunity of facing her.

But since killing a god just mean the releasing of a lot, pure, energy she couldn’t afford that risk, much less considering your “speciality”.

Who knows what would happen to Inazuma if your vital energy burst across the nation. Just like that old story about Sal Terrae and their goddess.

She just defeated you. Letting you rest and recovering in the midst of the plane of her reality within her mind. Your inert body in the middle of the battlefield as she kept meditating.

When you woke up she ignored your presence, but also denying your complaints about letting you go out back.

In her words, you were a burden, another enemy of eternity. Something as unpredictable as you and your “accidents” couldn’t get along with her utopia.

Ei could banish you from Inazuma, but she knows your type. Stubborn and not accepting the most simple orders to obey.

She knew that you would found a way to be back.

It’s better like this.

And in the hypothetical case of you being freed when she trapped the traveler (kicking you out) and then having a chance to see her again after the end of the war, then things would be somewhat different.

There’s not that much of civilization on some islands, so she allowed you to explore as much as your heart wanted. But if something serious happen, she promised that would end her work in the middle of the sea so your remains never be found.

Okay, message clear. Just do chaos near monsters and bandits, got it,,

Even if she wanted to spend some time with you and telling you some stories about Inazuma and other gods she couldn’t found the right time to call you at her presence.

As the current ruler of Inazuma she was busier than the rest of Archons you have meet. Maybe just some letters now and then like a way to keep a logbook, but not really a face to face talk.

Until she got the opportunity of a day off, just to found you messing around near some ruins. Trying to solve a puzzle before your speciality strikes in. The structure fell down after your fingertips reached the stone.

When the dust dissipated, you discovered her figure judging you from the other side of the remain ruins.

Give her a good reason for not errase you from the map, I dare u.

You felt the worst was about to come when Ei ordered you to follow her after a long sigh. Crossing her arms and starting to walk away from the bunch of old and worn rock.

Plot Twist, she actually invited you to rest under a tree, asking in her serene voice the reason for your journey and your origin. In such a direct way that it seemed more like a sentence than a talk to get to know each other better.

You answered what you could remember and then the silence stayed like the only way of interaction between you two.

Ohno, you know this pattern. Something’s about to happen-

“There is some strange beauty in the chaos, it may be the calm after the storm, but the catastrophe itself is seen as a necessary evil to appreciate the stillness. How much it would last until the lighting hit the valley?”

“So I arrived to keep order between the humans?”

Well yes, but actually no.

“… You see, if there is nothing but order and a lack of problems, mortals are likely to create them on their own. Their minds feels the need to be tested, to prove their worth, so I guess some of your chaos may be part of the history.”

“… then shall we take a walk in Inazuma?” You did not know if you were right, but you thought you saw a faint smile through his lips in the same way that lightning can be seen in the sky.

“I’ll allow it.” She said.

Her only condition was for you not to approach the huge boxes of fireworks down the street.

[llamagoddessofficial]

what was it like the first time Mc met Skull in the portal Au?

Is it story snippet time? I think it’s story snippet time.

The vent cover was loose.

You’d noticed, as soon as you’d rounded the corner. It didn’t matter that the facility was dark, quiet, deep in one of its night cycles... in the faint illumination of the safety screens and directional arrows left on, you picked up the silhouette of the cover. You were so familiar with the area of the lab around the room you slept in that you probably would’ve seen it anyway... but what immediately made all your attention snap to it was the fact that the glint of sleek metal in the darkness was, in fact, misaligned.

... Sans wanted everything neat. Sans wanted everything right. Red liked it that way, too, but Sans seemed to have the final say. And it showed- the entire facility was neat, angled, symmetrical and impossibly clean. It was so regimented and unnatural that you felt like an outlier yourself; a strange, curved, imperfect biological creature in a space that seemed to bleed robotic perfection from every corner.

... So... something about this one plating... this one vent cover, at a bad angle, tilted just against the grain...

... You were hyperfocused.

You moved over to it, bare feet cat-silent on the warm white floor, crouching down. You weren’t supposed to be out of your room at night, Sans didn’t like you wandering around when he was unaware, powered down for system maintenance and repairs... your fingers sealed around the loosened ends of the vent cover, and with the gentlest of tugs the whole thing came off, leaving a gaping hole in the wall large enough for you to crawl into. 

...

It was like you had a fog, separating one half of your mind from the other. Every day in this strange lab was confusing- and when you tried to ask yourself normal questions, like “where am I?” or “how did I get here?” or “why do I have no memories before this place?” your brain supplied you with absolutely nothing. And not only that, it couldn’t even supply you with the concern you knew you should be experiencing... the fear, the panic, it wouldn’t come. It was the most paradoxical and horrible sensation... the feeling of knowing something was wrong, of knowing you should be scared, but something in your head just not letting you access it.

... Maybe that was why the sight of the hole in the wall, the gap in the artificially perfect world around you, made your heart skip in excitement instead of fear. Maybe that was why you normally would have stuck to what was safe and not done stupid shit like going into vents...

... But this time, you got on your hands and knees, and crawled right in.

You weren’t crawling for a very long time; after what couldn’t have even been a minute of moving in a straight line through the smooth metallic system, the dark space opened up above you, more than enough for you to stand up to your full height in. Your eyes were wide, childlike in wonder- unlike the rest of the facility, that at least seemed to try and fake an air of safety, this place behind the walls... every surface around you was dirty, stained and rusty, there were tubes and buttons and tangled wires sticking out of the floor and ceiling, the whole place was lit up with an unnerving orange glow that was leaking through slits in the flooring. The air was filled with a nasty tang, metallic and almost blood-like, heavy and claustrophobic...

... It was like you’d crawled into hell. Like you’d gone from the head of the facility to the entrance of the throat. Another world...

...

As your gaze lowered...

... There was something in the room with you.

The hairs on the back of your neck bristled. Near the other end of the room there was a large, metallic box, most likely containing important wiring of some kind. From where you were standing you could judge that it was about your shoulder height... pretty big. 

... But it wasn’t the box that had your attention. It was what it was blocking from your view. A perfectly circular crimson light was peeking out from behind that box... a turret eye, bright and awake and alive, cutting through the murky coloured darkness. And the more you stared, the more you could make out, the more you could see the partially obscured hunched figure attached to the eye that was trained directly on you. 

...

“H-hello?” You whispered.

...

“sh-ouldn_t.. be.here.”

... The voice was like nothing you’d ever heard. Deep, deathly deep, you could feel it in your chest like standing next to a speaker- vibrating in your stomach, the palms of your hands, even tingling along your scalp. It sounded... automated, jittering and autotuned and with inflections no human would use, but so clearly with thoughts and feelings behind it, the unmissable edge of somebody who’s cautious, afraid... a downright uncanny mix of machine and man.

“... Should you?” Your voice sounded so... weak. So biological. Your heart was pounding.

... The eye noticeably changed; the dot in the centre became a fraction wider. It took an odd shape, too... from your distance it... looked like a heart...?

A soft, low “... no_.”

“... Then that makes two of us. Right?”

...

The owner of the eye stood up. 

He stood slowly, too. And as he did, the box he’d been crouched behind just got smaller, and smaller, and smaller... a beast, made of the facility’s leftovers. Large enough to crush you like a beetle. The dim orange light touched his silhouette to reveal thick tubes, misshapen metal plates, wires hanging off him like cut vines... a gaping cavity in his chest where a half-broken plasma motor was faintly humming and glowing. One of his hands looked vaguely humanoid but the other was just a badly affixed pincer claw... the plate on his face had been haphazardly cut away so his one red eye could see, and a skeletal nose shape had been carved into the centre. Everything about him was asymmetric, uneven, mismatched... 

You opened your mouth-

[Bleep!]

...

It floated through the room. A light noise, like a phone notification. You took note of the fact that you couldn’t hear it echoing through the rest of the facility... something that was only heard in the backrooms, perhaps? It was a very gentle little sound, nothing more than a light jingle...

... Except he flinched like a gunshot had gone off, eye blinking out entirely. Immediately, he turned around- you let out a little “H-hey, wait!” and raised your arm but it didn’t stop him. In a few giant steps he’d completely disappeared around a corner, clanging sounds moving so much deeper into the metalworks in such a short amount of time that you found yourself immediately disoriented. How... you were just standing there, how did someone that huge and heavy move so fast?

...

You wanted to pursue. You wanted to chase him deep into the bowels of the lab, down where you weren’t ever supposed to go, where no light would reach... you wanted to so badly you’d already moved a few steps without realising.

... But at the same time, you felt like you’d done enough for one day. Your nose stung from the strange smells in the air, your eyes were straining in the orange darkness... you wanted to go to sleep, back to your relaxation chamber, to rest for now and figure out what the hell you’d just seen.

What the hell you’d just spoken to.

... You turned, and clambered back through the vent. It took no time at all to re-emerge back in the regular facility... back to the whiteness, the cleanliness, the perfect and fake.

...

You had no idea why he’d reacted the way he had to that sound. What did it mean? You trailed your hand along the wall as you walked, making your way through the halls back to your chamber, the floor smooth and faultless under your bare soles. Was it... some kind of warning? An alert system? Was he running toward something, or away fr-

“subject.” 

- You almost jumped out of your fucking skin.

You were never sure where Sans’ voice was coming from. It always seemed to just spontaneously exist all around you, disembodied and impossible to describe, surrounding you on all sides as if emanating from the air in the building itself. No matter how hard you searched you could never seem to find any speakers on the cold, unfriendly white walls or floor... just further adding to the confusion and dream-like quality of this whole place. You clutched your chest, taking a little breath, trying to disguise the wild flinch that you’d just experienced.

“Y-yeah?” You said, smooth as always, and totally completely not-startled.

Sans always heard you, no matter how quietly you spoke- and judging by passing comments he’d made he always seemed to be able to see you and your expression. God, you hoped he couldn’t read the panic in your face.

“the facility is in night cycle.” Calm, emotionless, slightly autotuned, as per usual... but a little softer than the norm. “why are you out of your relaxation chamber?”

You glanced up at the nearest camera, a small black orb close to the ceiling with a gently blinking blue light.

...

“I-I can’t sleep.” Was all you could think of.

...

“... perhaps it will be easier to sleep... if you are reclined in a position, in which you can actually sleep. you should return to your chamber.”

“... I’m just walking around.” You kept moving, hoping he wouldn’t think about where you’d come from. “I mean... N-not all of us have a ‘go to sleep instantly’ button. I’m clearing my head. I’m fine, I'm on my way back anyway.”

...

“you’re stammering. your heart rate is elevated.”

Shit. Shit. No, it’s-

“... did you experience a nightmare?”

...

“O-oh. Yeah. Uhm...” You rubbed the back of your neck, eyes drifting down to the floor. “You know about those?”

“i have access to the combined entirety of human knowledge. yes, i am aware of nightmares.”

“W-well... yeah. Yes. I... had one. I’m walking it off.”

... A pause, on his part. 

...

“... i can turn the lights back on. if... you’d like to walk around.”

“No thank you. It’ll just make me feel more awake.”

“i see. ... well. i need to complete some more system reboots. i will be partially offline again. if... you need me, just call.”

“Okay. Sure. I will.”

[anotherbeingsworld]

Flashlight

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x F!MC (Casey Valentine)

Book: Open Heart: Third Year

Rating: General/Fluff

A/N: Helloooo, I am back into writing (somehow?) !!! This idea has been in my head for soooo long ever since the song Flashlight played and I can't stop thinking about it - and today, I finally finished it! Its a rewrite but with a twist, something about the last diamond scene with bryce - feels so :((( , so this happens and I hope all of you enjoy it! I might do another one tomorrow, but we will see! Enjoyyyy and, I hope you all have a good day! 💖💖💖

/Tags under the cut!

MASTERLIST

I got all I need when I got you and I

I look around me and see a sweet life

I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight

You're getting me, getting me through the night

Can't stop my heart when you shinin' in my eyes

I can't lie, it's a sweet life

I'm stuck in the dark but you're my flashlight

You're getting me, getting me through the night.

-

It seems to be a normal day, as she bumped into him at the hospital gym during the early hours of the day. He looks confident, excited, and happy – as she wished him luck with a sealed kiss before going their separate ways for the day.

The day went by in a breeze, as the diagnostics team managed to bond with Tobias as they formed a plan against Leland. Casey feels satisfied with the situation as she emerges from the lab, to be met with a dazed-looking Bryce who is hovering over the nurses' station. He looked worried, nervous as the confident façade from this morning was nowhere in sight.

She makes her way to him and asked.

“Hey, are you alright?”

He seemed startled by the sudden greeting, replying to her question with a bit of uncertainty which she knows all too well. He has done something – which has such a not good outcome from the expression that was plastered on his face.

“What? Oh, Casey – um, hi! I’m great…nothing wrong here.” He replies before turning away from her, suddenly facing the nurses' station as Casey raised an eyebrow was unconvinced by the whole act. She moves a few steps forward, as they were aligned – and his hands are shaking.

With a worried tone in her voice, she places her hand on top of his arm in an attempt to calm him down.

“Bryce, take a deep breath.”

He calms himself down slowly, taking a few deep breaths as the visible movement from his hands started to disappear. He looks around and immediately takes her hand in his moving away from the nursing station into somewhere private – an empty patient room.

She closes the door, as Bryce started to looked worried once more. Somehow, an expression that can be seen behind closed doors, somehow a vulnerability that can be seen through him at that moment. Casey moves on forward, taking his hand in hers giving it a squeeze of comfort.

After a few silent moments, she breaks the silence.

“Talk to me Bryce, what happened?” Her voice was soft as silk as he took a deep breath before revealing the situation her way.

“I….” There was hesitation, it wasn’t the Bryce that she saw this morning. It was something much deeper than that. She steps forward, as his head falls in shame.

She places a hand on his cheek, green eyes meeting his – as he lets it out.

“I messed up Casey. My hand slipped, I…nicked the arterial wall, and…there was blood. Everywhere…” His voice stops, somehow he felt himself slowly tearing up before he continues.

She didn’t say a word, as she places an arm around him – giving him the comfort needed he continues.

“How was the patient, Bryce?” She asked slowly, as he regained his composure after a while.

“The team stepped up, and thankfully – but, I froze today. Completely, it feels like the moment was flashed upon my eyes and there is nothing I can do about it. I froze Casey.” He paused before a sigh escaped his lips.

“The arterial wall was weak, and the blood..it was too fast…it all went blank. If the intern assisting the surgery didn’t step up when he did…I might have lost the patient today.” He buried his head in the crook of her neck, as they sat down on the empty bed, as she held him close. He had held her during her darkest days, and now it's her turn upon returning the favor. She places a kiss on his head before speaking up.

“Bryce, it’s okay; we are humans after all. Please don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“I can’t – I was responsible as the attending requested me for this surgery. I..I just, never felt this unsure of myself. After leaving home years ago, I thought the feeling has left me for good.”

Suddenly, both of their pagers beep at the same time – as they both stood up from the bed. Bryce still somehow looked quite somber, as Casey looks at him with a worried expression.

“Are you going to be okay?”

He places a small smile, a fake smile that she knows too damn well, and said,

“Don’t worry, I think I’ll be fine…I just need to get my mind off of this.” He replies and leaving a kiss on her cheek before he disappears out of the room as Casey started to make her way again to the patient’s room somehow still worried about Bryce.

-

At the end of the day, he was seen waiting for her at the entrance. Somehow, he looks a bit better than before – his smile was wide, but it doesn’t quite reach the eyes, as Casey scoots forward kissing him.

“So, where are we heading?” He asked as they walked out of the hospital doors.

“It’s a surprise.” She winks, as they walked excitedly to this secret destination.

After a few train rides later, they both arrived at a suburb area away from Boston. Away from Edenbrook, away from everything.

“Welcome, to our stay for the night.” She gestures upon the area, as it was somewhere a mystery to him yet, the sounds of the waves bring comfort his way.

“I know this is quite a huge surprise, I feel like – we needed some time away and I figured I need to get away from the diagnostics team as the whole issue is starting to give me a headache,” Casey states as she was met with a smiling Bryce, who looks genuinely happy for the day.

He pulls her into a hug, the first time that day – he looked calm, happy even. He feels much calmer inside, and she smiles upon the sight as they explore the place.

As the night falls, they sat together at the beach – which was an unexpected spot for the day for both of them makes him wonder.

“I gotta ask, how did you arrange this?” He asked genuinely curious about her smart thinking.

She lets out a chuckle before her eyes fall upon the waves.

“I used to come here before, and it was one of my cousins' homes and he was kind enough to let us stay for the night. I thought about bringing it up, so maybe we could take a day or two away from Boston – but, our daily work life said no. So, I made a couple of phone calls – and we have the place for the day.”

He smiles,

“Tell your cousin, I appreciate it a lot.”

“Don’t worry, he knows.” She smiles knowingly, as the wind started to blow giving a chill for the both of them. He places an arm around her, as the blanket covered them both from the chilling night.

The stars above were shining brightly, as the waves were crashing. It was a calming night for the both of them.

“How are you feeling Bryce?” She asked, with a bit of concern in her voice.

“I…feel a bit better being here. And, after I was dismissed – I did some reflecting, and I know we make mistakes, but…it feels weird to be making them especially with something we are so familiar with.” He states with a questionable tone in his voice.

“It somehow feels like med school again right? It’s the moment where we thought we knew better, but…at the end of the day, we are only human Bryce. So, when tomorrow comes – we can try again. Medicine, it's not an easy road – my mom warned me a million times before I submitted my college applications and the time where young Casey yelled in her dorm-room about a mistake on sutures! We will make mistakes, no matter how good we are. All the doctors before us even the famous ones misdiagnose, some even make the simplest medical mistakes an intern could make because we are human.”

“Bryce Lahela, we are human and imperfect. You will screw up a couple of surgeries, I almost lose my medical license. That’s the proof, we are imperfect humans, but to get where we want to be; the mistakes we make are a part of who we are. You are Bryce Lahela because of your victories, your mistakes. I’m Casey Valentine due to my victories and mistakes as well. You are a bright light to this world, don’t let one surgery dim you down. We just gotta fight in a different way?” She displays an all-knowing smile at him a call-back of their conversation years ago.

“We will fight it in a different way.” He says happily, somehow finally convinced. The smile on his face was worth it in the end, as they spend the night together – moments of running around the beach, quizzing Casey for her upcoming medical boards, and a moment alone with one another.

The night was magical, filled with insight and many new memories as they were each other’s flashlight – getting each other through the night, always there through thick and thin. As their small getaway ends, Bryce returns to the hospital with new renowned strength as the reminder was tattooed in both of his heart and mind.

THE END.

Tags:  @bitchloveskcbaseball , @mvalentine , @storyofmychoices , @princess-geek , @lahellacute ,   @annekebbphotography , @mrsbhandari , @dcbbw , @choicessa , @fantasyoverreality98 , @baltersome , @ofpixelsandscribbles , @thundergom @starrystarrytrouble ,  @kelseaaa  , @choicesficwriterscreations  , @lalizah , @drethanramslay , @eleanorbloom , @openheartfanfics , @brycesgirl  ,  @freckles-spangledvampire , @agentnolastname , @robintora , @adriansbiss , @appiomofchoice , @bratzlahela (comment if you want to be tagged or removed 💜💜)

[colderthancoldest]

The Perfection in Imperfection

Read on Ao3 Here!

Summary: It's the heist of the century- the 61rd century to be exact-

Or at least it WOULD have been if everything hadn't gone terribly wrong.

It feels like this is all your fault, however the Master knows there are more important things than a scheme going according to plan.

Prompt: "You hate me for that." "I don't hate you."

Pairing: Dhawan!Master x Reader

Rating: G

Word Count: ~3k

Other: fluff, emotion hurt comfort, hugs, wholesome, this was a request

(I hope this formats okay. Just tell me if it doesn’t lol) Enjoy <3

~~~~~

Days- weeks- of planning, preparation, reconnaissance, and every other synonym under the sun- all lead up to this moment.

It's a scheme like no other. A scheme involving a crashing government bringing the planet to a grinding halt as a distraction from what would be the greatest scheme of the 61st century.

Or, more accurately, what would have been.

It had taken ages to set up every detail just right. To calculate the change of guards on the craft you're about to help rob amidst all the chaos, to collect all the right keycards and make it through the security doors, to arrange the right uniforms and covers and information.

And at the last second-

You choked.

You were inside. Everything was going swimmingly. The military ship of riches and highly coveted intel galore was nearly within your grasp.

You only needed to flip a few switches to unlock a door for the others on your team when-

"What are you doing?" someone stops you forcefully.

The voice belongs to a guard. An armed guard.

There wasn't supposed to be anyone else down here in the massive ship's tiny radio room. You and the Master have combed over every detail of this elaborate scheme.

No one else is supposed to be here.

You freeze. You should be prepared to lie- but your mind is too caught up in following the pre-arranged series of events to remember what you're supposed to say if reality deviates from the script.

"Ch-Checking the- What's it called?" you fumble.

The guard immediately hits the alarm. It's sharp, and quick, and their angry military-taught voice threatens you harshly.

You're too afraid to move.

Just like that, it's all over.

You didn't realize the world could crumble so fast.

The team assembled to pull off this job shatters before they're meant to, each racing away out of self preservation. A few get away with a small handful of the many treasures, but you're no longer able to steal the entire ship from under the captain's nose as you had planned to. It's a mad scramble as everyone retreats before they can be taken alive.

They run- and you barely evade capture yourself- and suddenly it's over.

 When you get back to the Master's Tardis, he's already throwing a fit. The whole arrangement is in tatters, months of preparation gone. He has nothing to show for it and his momentary allies will certainly remember this failure.

He shoves all his carefully arranged papers off a nearby table. The blueprints and discarded replicas of security badges crash loudly to the floor. He paces about the main room as he attempts to rationalize what happened.

"Ages of compiling all of this- and not a gemstone to show for it! This is the last time we pull together a crew! I should have known we were better off doing this ourselves! This is unbelievable-" he shouts to the open air.

You simply look to the floor.

"It's my fault," you say quietly.

He spins on his heel to look at you. His head tilts, and he takes a step towards you.

"How?" he asks sharply.

He never talks to you that sharply, he never snaps at you the way he snaps at other people- but he does today.

You rub your arm with one hand.

"I... choked," you confess. "Someone was there that shouldn't have been there and... And I froze."

You immediately regret saying that. It's no excuse. It's not even a good explanation.

All this time traveling, and this is what messes you up? It's pathetic. This is entirely on you and you know it.

"You-" the Master nearly begins to shout- and then abruptly stops.

You don't have the nerve to look at him as he marches away. You keep your eyes on the floor and do your best not to show how heavy the guilt is.

It feels like you're standing there forever as the Master reaches for one of the papers littered about on the floor and picks it up.

He then trails off down one of the halls. You flinch a little as you hear him yell in the distance and the echo rings down the long halls.

You're not certain what to do as you wait. You're not certain what to do at all. You're still in shock that this could all fall apart so quickly. You aren't sure what to do next.

You wait, and eventually he comes back. He's grumbling to himself as he makes a lap about the main room.

"I can't believe this. I thought I had accounted for everything! I should have prepared for the unpredictable. Maybe I should have sent in someone else-" his harsh tone hisses to himself.

You suddenly interrupt.

"I know! Okay?" You nearly yell, tears brimming in your eyes, "I know I messed up! I know you must hate me for it-"

The Master turns to you, and something new is on his face. His brows press together somewhere between surprise and confusion. He marches briskly over to where you're standing halfway between the center of the room and the front doors.

You lift your head to face him, and stare him down boldly even as tears splash down from your eyes. They fall silently as you stand your ground.

"Just please, don't yell at me," you request firmly. "Whatever you have to say, I already know. I'm well aware that I messed this up."

His expression twists again.

You flinch as he raises a hand, an old fearful reaction, but he simply presses his palm carefully to your jaw and brushes away your tears with his thumb.

"I don't hate you," he says softly.

His eyes flicker all over your face as he examines you and waits for his words to sink in. He waits for you to believe that they're true.

You stare into his caring, concerned, and worried eyes and you slowly realize that you do believe him.

"I could never hate you," he says gently.

He takes a deep breath and forces himself to calm down. He shakes his head in dismay and looks to the paper in his other hand for a moment before he lifts his eyes to meet yours.

"I only meant that I should have accounted for there being strays about the ship. I should have taken unforeseen circumstances into account, and sent in one of the mercenaries ahead of us to check that the coast was clear.

I'm only angry that I should have been more thorough. This isn't on you."

You shake your own head, now more insistent.

"But it is. I should have known what to do.

But the guard was armed and I- I was scared-"

The Master discards the paper immediately. It floats lazily to the floor somewhere to the side. The Master instead moves his hands to your shoulders, his entire focus on you and you alone. In a second, he's already forgotten all about the failed theft.

"They threatened you?! Are you alright?!" he questions. His voice is gentle, but firm. He's clearly far more angry about the prospect of someone hurting you than anything else.

You chuckle a little and brush away another stray tear with the back of your hand.

"Yeah," you force a smile. It's always nice to know he cares.

"Of course I am. I'm just sorry I messed up the mission."

"It's not your fault," he assures you unequivocally. "You couldn't have known. We'll be more prepared next time," he promises wholeheartedly.

You give a small nod. "Right."

He flashes a reassuring smile, but there's still worry in his eyes. He pauses for a brief moment to think it over.

Then he suddenly grins.

"I have an idea," he promises, his eyes lighting up dangerously.

His usual energy comes flooding back and you can't not laugh at the way he's beaming away.

"Plan B. How about we enact Plan B?" he askes playfully.

"What's plan B?" you chuckle.

He's doing this on purpose, to cheer you up. You can see it in the way he acts and the way he peppers in that dramatic little swing to his voice.

"Plan B is my favorite anyway," he grins. "It's a way to get half the loot and revenge- all in one swoop! Plus the light show."

"Light show?" you chuckle.

He only grins. It's clearly exactly what he wanted you to ask.

The Master takes your hand, carefully, and only moves once he feels you squeeze his hand in return.

"Enough Ocean's 11- let's take the easy way out and call it a day."

 It's night. The next night.

The Master wound time forward to this moment for a very special reason.

The massive, reinforced tank of a cruise liner is floating innocently beside the docks.

Nearly everyone has gone home for the night and the ship is locked up tight. The only guards are the ones watching down from nearby spotlight towers.

You take a seat at the doorway of the disguised Tardis, and the Master soon joins you. The Tardis is hovering in the air a safe distance away, overlooking it all.

The Master offers you a remote. It's black with a large clear case overtop, covering the large buttons.

"What does this do?" you ask curiously as you take the remote. You turn the cold metal and glass around in your hands.

"Harmless revenge for one. But a means to complete our mission for another."

He waves a hand at the large red button.

"Feel free to do the honors," he insists warmly.

Knowing him, you already have an idea of what the button will do.

You look down at the massive ship floating below- and press it anyways.

The craft erupts in a fiery explosion fit for an action film. No expense is spared as a ball of flames is shot into the sky and bits of the ship are launched in every direction.

Whatever smoldering chunks of metal are left quickly begin to sink off the edge of the dock. Soon, there's barely anything left above water to see.

You grin.

There is something quite satisfying about erasing your mistake like this. Getting rid of it so completely feels like closure.

You realize you're chuckling and the Master watches you, rather than the explosion, as he smiles. You laugh even more as you realize he's watching you with deeply love-struck eyes.

"What?" You ask.

His gaze flickers away now that your eyes are on him, but his expression doesn't change.

"Nothing," he decides.

He quickly stands up and offers you a hand.

"Let's go get what we came for."

 He takes the Tardis to the ocean floor.

It's not terribly deep where the ship has sunk, but it's depths to which any diver would need an oxygen tank to survive the return trip.

Luckily for you, the Master expands the Tardis shielding to push away the water in the surrounding area. He clears a bubble of air around his Tardis and the water floods away from the nearby wreckage.

It's strange and beautiful beyond belief- to step out onto the sandy ocean floor and look up to see the moonlight sparkling down through the depths as the fish around you continue on their way without a care in the world.

You walk out, unafraid despite the millions of buckets of water suspended overhead.

It's beautiful. Like walking through an aquarium tunnel in the night.

It's easy to forget your fears now that they've quite literally gone down in flames and you're left standing in the beauty of a quiet night under the sea.

"Do you like it? It's a simple enough trick," the Master chuckles.

He strays after you now that the shielding is safely in place.

You beam a bright smile.

"I do. It's beautiful," you reply.

He smiles that soft little grin again, so gentle and bursting with love. It's a good look on him.

He finally tears his eyes away from you as you both approach the wreckage.

The force of the explosion has damaged the usually-impenetrable safes that had been hauling the highest valued items. Uncut gemstones and cases upon cases of nearly-priceless jewelry fall open across the ocean floor.

You pick up a crown among the wreckage and pull as many strings of red and green gemstones over your neck as you can carry. Every time you think that's all, there's more.

There's bags pouring open of partially-melted coins of gold and copper and platinum.

You happily pick up as many as you can carry until your pockets are filled and you're covered in enough jewelry that it's weighing down your shoulders.

You return to see that the Master's been doing the same. You laugh warmly at the sight of him- in 5 different tiaras, strings and strings of pearls draped over him, and multiple diamond rings on every finger.

He turns to the sound of your voice, and laughs warmly at you in return.

"Your highness," he jests with a small bow. One of many tiaras falls off his head.

"Your highness," you joke playfully in return with a duck of your head.

You both look like little kids playing dress up, but it doesn't matter. Nothing went as scripted, but you wouldn't exchange that moment for any other.

You pick up the tiara that fell from the damp ocean sand and return it to the others that sit atop the Master's dark, wavy hair. He laughs as you fit it into place among the several others of its kind.

"It's a good look on you," you comment cheerfully.

And there he goes again. Beaming away at you like you're more beautiful than the bright night sky overhead.

"Maybe we should crash a masquerade next, dressed in all this," he jokes. "Or perhaps a famous royal wedding."

You take his hands and spin him about on your heels.

"Maybe we should become royalty next!" you suggest.

He grins, countless ideas flashing behind those sharp eyes of his.

"I like the way you think," he grins.

You laugh and joke about the treasures as the two of you haul your latest loot back to the Tardis. It takes a bit of time to go through the wreckage of the sunken ship's storage room and pry out as many half-melted bars of precious metals as you can; but metal is metal and you'll still be able to make a pretty penny off of the haul.

It takes time, but you don't mind in the slightest. You have all the time in the universe to spend together.

 Once you're finally done, you both head back for the Tardis.

You're halfway there, still standing in the moonlight streaming in through the waters overhead, when you pause.

"Wait a second," you request.

The Master stops and immediately turns to you. The moonlight through water dances over his shoulders.

"What's wrong?" he asks at your nervous expression.

You only give a reassuring smile.

"Nothing's wrong," you promise. "It's just... this whole thing," you begin to explain.

He pauses and watches you thoughtfully. He can be harsh and jagged at times, but he always tries to be his best self with you. You always appreciate it.

"I just... wanted to say thank you. I know things didn't go as planned, and that I messed it up, but...

You didn't hold it against me. You found a way around it. And I've had a wonderful time with you.

I... don't think there's many people who would have handled this so well and I-

Thank you."

He looks a bit perplexed for a moment, and then he looks... almost... sad.

He steps closer and you move in to hug him. He hugs you tightly in return, almost as if he's trying to make sure you feel safe- almost as if he's trying to protect you.

"I've been the person who's messed up," he explains quietly and simply. "And it just happens. Sometimes through no fault of your own.

That's just the way of the world, to mess up, and I know what that's like to feel like a failure because you made one mistake in an otherwise perfect plan.

That guilt is a terrible thing- and I would never want you to feel that way because of me."

He pulls away from the hug, but stays close. His voice is gentle.

"So we didn't get away with the whole ship. So what? We got enough of what we came for and made the most of it.

All you can do is adapt to the new situation," he explains thoughtfully.

"People who expect perfection... they're never happy and all they do is hurt others when things fail to meet their expectations. So forget all of that. I won't be one of those people."

You give him a moment to settle down, and then hug him again. You bury your face in his shoulder.

"That's quite profound of you," you half-joke.

He smirks.

"Shut up."

There's a brief pause.

"Plus, now we don't have to share the loot," he observes.

You chuckle. That sounds much more like him.

 After a little while of laying on the Tardis floor among the piles of precious metals and gemstones, the Master decides the pair of you should get to have a bit of fun with the treasures of your mostly-successful heist.

You break into a famous celebration full of 23rd century royalty on some distant planet and pretend to be visiting rulers of a far off kingdom.

You dance the evening away- and get involved in a messy barfight when someone calls your bluff.

However, you quickly realize; it's all okay- even as you run, hand in hand, for your lives.

Sometimes this is just the way things go; and it's all perfectly imperfect as long as you're facing it together.

(Please Comment or Kudos on Ao3! Link here)

(More Dhawan!Master x Reader fics here) :)

[starsforbammie]

Wedding Bells

» MarkxReader » Angst » Honestly I just wanna thank Sex and the City: The Movie. Carrie and Big really know how to make a girl fall in love 

You walked through the courthouse doors, Jackson right behind you while you frantically searched the area, Bam rushing over. “You’re late!” He angrily huffed, making you laugh a little and pat his cheek.

“I know, I’m sorry, but I’m here so let’s get the show going.” The three of you rushed to the courtroom, Jackson fixing the last of your hair as the door opened, Youngjae walking out with Jaebeom.

“Great, you’re here. But, where's Mark?” Youngjae looked around, no sign of the man of the hour.

“Wait, he’s not here?” You asked, eyebrows furrowing and confusion on your face.

“He said he was going to get some air, but that was a bit ago.” Jaebeom joined in, the five of you silent for a bit as suddenly Youngjae began to guess what happened.

Mark had been restless, not sleeping the night before and questioning almost everything until he, Youngjae, and Jaebeom arrived at the courthouse. You were late and Mark couldn’t stop the continued thoughts until he announced he was going to get air, giving everyone a smile and walking out. Youngjae noticed how off he seemed, Mark trying his best to cover it up and Bam nor Jaebeom seemed to notice. 

“Let me use a phone, I left mine at home.” You presented your hand, Bam giving you his and you dialed Mark, listening to the ringing before it cut off. You listened to a car honk, a voice yelling before Mark’s hello made you smile.

“Hey you,” You sighed in relief. “I’m here, where are you?”

Mark sighed, rubbing his forehead and looking out the taxi window, squeezing his phone. “I’m sorry, I really am sorry but... I can’t do this,”

You hesitated on answering, your smile falling only a little bit but you let out a forced laugh, shaking your head slightly. "What? What are you talking about-"

"I'm just..." Mark squeezed his eyes closed, trying to find the right words as he beat himself up. "I'm not ready. This is happening too fast and I'm sorry." Mark listened to silence on your end, small mumbles but none of them was your voice, he called your name, making sure you were there before the line got cut.

You hung up the phone, staring ahead as your world began to crumble around you, the air thinning. When Mark proposed to you, you cried and said yes, but over the next couple of months, you voiced how nervous you were and how worried you were about being wife material. Mark would smile and give you a kiss on your forehead, assuring you time after time that he was ready to start a new chapter with you and over time, you began to be more confident. But it seemed now everything was for nothing, and you were left with more questions than answers. 

Did he want to marry me? Does he even want me? Was this all a lie? Every kiss, smile, and touch? Was his love all a lie? Am I really that much of a fool?

A choked cry left your lips and you only wanted to scream, Jackson rushing to hold you as your knees gave out and held you tightly. The rest of the group could only guess what happened and with you almost yelling that you wanted to leave, Youngjae and Jackson helped you out while Bam and Jaebeom collected everything, heading to inform the judge in the courtroom. When you finally made it out of the courthouse, Jackson had you wait for the limo on the stairs, Youngjae holding you as you cried into your hands. 

Youngjae tried to coach your breathing, trying to hold you tighter before you collapsed, ignoring the dirt stains on your dress and letting you scream into it. Youngjae held you close, people walking past the stairs and expressing their sadness and concern as Youngjae just ignored them. Jackson yelled at the few people that stopped to stare to keep moving, all while helping you up. 

Mark stared at the call that ended, thinking about how you must have felt when he realized how big of a mistake he made. "Please turn around," Mark pleaded to the taxi man, the driver beginning to complain but Mark repeated himself, voice louder while ordering the driver to turn around. He ran his fingers through his hair, worried about getting to you late and hoping, almost praying, that he would arrive just in time to catch you and apologize. Mark got ready to jump out of the moving car as he got closer to the courthouse, opening the taxi door as the driver slowed down. Mark stumbled out of the car, running after you and calling your name.

You turned around, eyes locking with Mark's as you gasped right as he reached you. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that-"

"You asshole!" You screamed, pushing Mark away from you as he reached you. "How could you do this to me? Why?" Mark tried to stop you, people stopping to stare at the scene as you continued to push him away. Youngjae held you back, Jackson rushing from around the car to Mark, pushing him back. 

"Mark, just go!" Jackson yelled, letting Youngjae try to get you in the car. 

"I'm sorry! I'm ready!" Mark stumbled as your bouquet hit him, Mark blocking his face with his hands but still feeling the pain of it. He watched as you finally got in the car, Jackson giving Mark one more glare as he made his way to the car, getting in. 

You laid on the floor of your living room, staring outside the balcony windows as the sun was rising. You sniffled, feeling as if you used up all the tears in your body, now only an empty shell. It had been a month since the supposed wedding happened, Bam unable to get a refund on the honeymoon vacation, but he convinced you to go with Jackson and Bam and Jaebeom joined in. The three tried to get your mind out of the memories, and at one point, while the four of you laid by the beach, Jackson made you laugh. It was like a huge tension left the group and the three men fully relaxed. 

But when you arrived back to your home, you forgot that you changed the locks to the apartment and you forgot that you informed the doorman to not let Mark up for any reason. So when you came back, the door closed and locked behind you, everything came flooding back. 

The pile of letters on the floor by your front door made you sighed, setting all the bills aside and tossing the letters from Mark away. Your home phone's voicemail was full of Mark's pleads to call him back. Your cell phone had over 100 unread messages and unheard voicemails from him. You ignored them, going to your laptop to work only to see your email also had unread emails from him.

The bedroom had a faint smell of the cologne Mark put on that morning. And the closet was slightly messy as he got changed, having misplaced his buttoned-up shirt and looking for it last minute. 

So, you went to sleeping in the living room to avoid traces of him. But it seemed like Mark was everywhere in the house. 

He was in the kitchen, complaining about how he keeps forgetting to fix the leaky sink. He was in the bathroom asking if you saw his razors to shave. He was in the bedroom asking for a warm body to hug while his sleepy eyes looked over at you. 

A knock on your front door made you slightly jolt, staying root to your spot before the person knocked again. You sat up, looking around the room taking in how clean it was. Jackson had come the night before to check on you and scolded you for not keeping everything clean. He ordered you to shower, all while he cleaned the living room and kitchen. You walked out to see Jackson had finished dinner, making you eat before he left, assuring you he would be back first thing in the morning. 

So, without any hesitation, you got up, blocking the third set of knocks as you walked over. You barely glanced at your guest as you opened the door, right away turning around and heading to the kitchen. "Don't ask questions if you already know the answer, Jackson." You grabbed on to kettle on the counter, filling it with water and setting it on the stove. "You're lucky I'm even in the kitchen-"

You stared at Mark who stood at the entrance of the kitchen, eyes set on you, taking you in. You felt exposed, wanting the ground to swallow you whole to get away from him. It felt like the world was against you, shoving Mark in your face and showing you how much better he was doing without you. With the way he stood there in a suit with his coat on his arm, his hair neatly set and without a single trace of any imperfection on him. 

You, on the other hand, were a mess. 

Your hair was a rat nest, tangled and wild from laying on the floor all while tossing and turning. Your eyes were red and puffy from the crying and your nose was also red with how many times you wiped it clean. Your clothes were wrinkled, and you were sure there were plenty of bruises on your legs from the hard floor. 

"I'm sorry, I needed to talk to you-"

"How did you get up here?" Your voice was cold and abrupt, taking Mark back as he set his coat down, taking a step closer but stopping as he noted that you tried to take one away, being blocked by the counter. 

"The doorman that works overnight doesn't know that I can't come up, so I thought I would come up to try to see you." Mark gulped the nerves, seeing you only stay quiet, continuing to stare at him. "I wanted... I need to talk to you, explain myself, and apologize." 

"There's nothing for you to apologize about, what's done is done." You looked away from Mark, focusing on fixing your coffee and trying to ignore the tears that were welling up. "Mark, get out," You sighed, eyes closing. "I don't want to deal with this so early in the morning." 

"Please," Mark pleaded, walking closer and only stopping when you turned to face him. 

He watched as you poured the hot water into your mug, carefully setting it down as you sat on the countertop, going back to holding your cup. 

"Please start to explain then," 

[choices-ethanramsey-4life]

Days with you make me feel better part 4

Pairings: EthanXMc

Warnings: very few, just angst

Description for part 4:

Ethan has returned to Boston to see Samantha. Only to try and put things together. With the questions in his head he follows after Samantha as they talk. One of the longest talks. One of the hardest talks they’ve had.

***Ethans POV***

I reach my place flicking the light on. As I head to my bedroom on my bed a jumper was there with the unmistakable scent of a light floral perfume.

“Samantha.” I quietly breathed out.

Heading to Donahues to see Reggie i hoped to see Samantha as-well. I walk in say hey and look over at a table outside. Samantha’s friends sat there all of them...but her. Dejected I sit as Reggie looks over at me.

“You seem glum.”

“Nothing.”

“Really? I was starting to think you were looking for that doctor. The small one with blonde hair.”

Damn it. He knew. And I knew.

“Did she come yet?”

“No. She started to come less after a while. She used to come alone at times sit in the corner and write often sketch at times. We talked at times. She hasn’t been coming for the past week.”

Why? Was it me? Was it something else? Why did she used to come alone?

Just then my eyes catch a glimpse at the girl who sat at a table outside. Her friends cheering.

“About damn time!” Dr. Varma exclaimed.

“Don’t listen to her glad your feeling better.” Dr. Trinh hugged her.

Feeling better? Was she sick? Is she still sick? Is she ok? Did I cause her pain? My mind tormented me. Reggie glancing at me.

“Speak to her.”

“What?!”

“You heard me. I’ve seen you two give eyes at each other all of last year before you left...”

“What! No we weren’t- I shocked by this. How many more ppl saw us like that?

Just then I got up and went outside and my eyes glanced on her.

She wore a black off the shoulders jumper with a sliver locket. With regular jeans and black ankle boots which was had heels on them.

The jumper which clung off her and her hair. Her beeline honey blonde hair which grew out longer... Her smile and the green emerald eyes which Emits pure joy and soo much love.

But under all that I see something else...pain, tiredness... loneliness. Her face despite the smile has both physical and mental fatigue.

She had also lost a lot of weight from everywhere. Which was shocking as it was concerning. But despite those imperfections she looks soo...

“Beautiful...” came out as a whisper.

I Walk up to the table as she hesitantly looked up and then says “hello Dr. Ramsey.”

Just like that we went back to Dr. Ramsey and Dr. Valentine.

***Samanthas POV***

“Hello Dr. Ramsey.”

“Hello Dr. Valentine.” He meets us and walks away. But how did I end up here? After staying in my room.

Some time earlier:

I sat in my room dejected. I looked out the window. Sunlight. Sitting on the seat next to the window I take it in.

A knock on the door.

“Samantha we’re going to Donahues come if you want. We really want you there. All of us.”

I flopped down on my bed. Elijah’s words ringing through my ears. He wants me there. They want me there.

Did I want to be wallowing in pain for ever? Is this who I want to be?

No. Of course not. Who wants to be like that?

I’ve been this person before. Broken. Alone. I’ve promised myself never to slip back into that again. But here I am. I’ve slipped back. I wasn’t going to slip back more.

Getting dressed for the first time in ages I curl my hair. To boost my confidence. I put on make up to cover the weeks, the two months of insomnia. Looking over at the mirror.

“I can do this. I’m Samantha Valentine.”

I hesitated as I walked in reggie giving me a smile.

“Hey Samantha.” Smile so genuine.

“Hi Reggie all good?”

“Yeah great. What about you? You seemed to disappear for a while I didn’t scare you off now?”

“No, no it’s not that. I’m fine. I’m feeling just fine.” I smile. Bryce comes from behind.

“Hey.”

“Bryce! Hey.” We hug as we go back out back to my place of peace. We sat in silence as he broke it.

“You feeling better?”

“Yeah...I feel better. I’m getting there.”

“Good. I’m glad your feeling yourself again. Everyone’s missed you.”

“Really?” He looks at me pulls me in for a hug as we sat on the grass.

“Yeah of course we did. You make Jackie more tolerable.” We laugh.

“Shut up.” As he drove back we made our way outside. Everyone cheered.

“Welcome back Samantha!” Elijah yells

“You guys are going to get us kicked out of here by Reggie with all the noise.” I laughed.

After that my eyes glance at a figure at the regular spot. Ethan.

He comes up to us as we all take in his new look. The beard, the green Jacket.

After pleasantries and moving inside and after an eventful hour, Reggie does his last call as my friends leave area waiting for me.

“Samantha all ok?” Aurora asks

“Yeah, yeah you guys go I’ve dropped my locket on the ground I’ll be out in 5 minutes you guys go.”

“Are...you sure?” Sienna asks.

“Yeah sure go don’t wait.”

“Don’t be too late” Sienna hugs me as Jackie pulls her arm.

“Come on! She’s not a baby. And you si need to get out more come on!” Jackie teases.

“But- Sienna tried to protest

“She’s right you know si, you can put your inner mom away for one night ok.” I pat a hand on her shoulder as they hesitatingly left.

I look on the ground as Reggie says “all good Samantha?”

“Yeah. Yeah I’m just about to leave. I dropped my locket I’m just going to find it and I’ll be gone.”

“Sure thing. Take your time.” He smiles and goes by cleaning the place.

Found it! I get back up and bump my head on the table. “Ow!” I rub my head as Ethan looks back at me getting up.

“You ok?”

“Yep.” As I turn to leave he holds my wrist and says

“Rookie.” That word causing my heart to beat faster. I turn to face him.

“Yeah.”

“Join me? For a little while.” I nod.

He smiles “want anything?”

“No. It’s ok.” We head outside in the cold which pinches my skin. Sitting on the bench in front of the fire he watched me stare at the fire.

“You’re cold.”

“I’m fine.” He comes closer arm around me.

“It wasn’t a question.”

“Ok.” We sat in peaceful silence my head on his shoulder. Nothing but the sound of our Breathing.

Just then he broke the silence.

“Samantha can I ask what happened? You didn’t write or call and Reggie says you rarely used to come with your friends. At times you came alone.”

“Nothing happened. It was simple. You left. Made it clear that you didn’t want this.”

“I didn’t say that or mean that. I had to clear my head.”

“Yeah. So did I. You don’t see me running off again. Maybe because at this point it’s too predictable.”

“What do you mean predictable? What happened Samantha I want to know. You’ve changed. Look at you it’s clear you over work yourself.”

“I’m going. I don’t need to say anything. If anyone should explain anything it’s you.”

“Samantha wait-

“For what? The next time you get scared and run away?” I walk off don’t turn back.

***Ethans POV***

I sit processing what happened as Reggie says “go after her! She’s right you know. She need an explanation.” He pushes me to the door before I could protest.

Driving I didn’t know where to go. I think and remember what Samantha showed me at the end of her intern year.

“This is my place of peace. When I come here everything feels right. I know that life is crooked. With it it can ruin or bring joy.”

Heading to the cliff area a small figure sat on the grass looking over at the city.

“Samantha.” She doesn’t look I sit next to her.

“Tell me.” She lays a head on my shoulder as she involuntarily shivers.

“Honestly rookie.” I take off my jacket which was huge on her small frame.

“I don’t need it you know. I have a jumper on.” She smiles

“It’s not doing a good job keeping you warm. Anyways tell me. Now.”

Her head on my shoulder my arms around her. She was crying.

“Rookie.”

“Just. Let me explain.” She calms down after a couple of minutes and says

“October 5th 2009. The day my brother died. I was 17 he was 21. He got in a fight with my dad they argued I couldn’t stop him from leaving. His car crashed into a bridge. His breaks failed for some reason.”

I understood her better a layer of her being exposed. I knew her brother died she didn’t go in detail. She never did.

“I couldn’t believe it. He was my support system. More of a family than my dad could give. When I came to Edenbrook a part of me never believed he died. I knew he died but I could never say it. After the case i thought that...that for a second I... I saw him.”

“Oh Samantha.” I held her a little tighter.

“He wasn’t there. I started to come to terms that he died.” Her voice breaks in between tears “and then you left me. I just felt alone despite having people around me.”

“I’m sorry it’s my fault. I shouldn’t of left i should of been here for you...”

“Don’t Ethan. Don’t. It’s not your fault. I would keep my self busy at work. Or I would sit in my bedroom and think about what i did wrong. Naveen took me to Seattle to see his grave my dad was at a conference with my aunt in LA. So chances of seeing him was none. I even got some of his things Naveen gave me.”

“Are you ok?”

“I will be. Don’t worry. I’m just glad you came back you didn’t leave.”

“Of course rookie why would I leave? I have you here.”

They sat watching the city lights and the stars twinkle above them. In an embrace holding each other. Taking it a day at a time. They though of only then and then. Ethan and Samantha. Samantha and Ethan. At that moment they were just that... and nothing else.

Thank you soo much for reading this fic Days with you make me feel better. I’m glad you’ve read until now and supported me, given I take forever to write😂😂. But Really enjoyed writing this mini series. If there’s any suggestions do let me know in the comments I’ll do my best to make it happen. ♥️

Tags: @schnitzelbutterfingers

[pinkja]

Insecurities (Ellie Williams x Female Reader)

You admire Ellie’s scars while she’s feeling insecure.

Tw for cursing

Angst with a fluffy ending

—

It’s late. It’s late and Ellie knows it. So why can’t she fucking fall asleep? Ellie stared at her ceiling as her thoughts went rampant.

She had been so tired lately, going on mission after mission just to occupy herself. And now that she’s finally done with working, she couldn’t fucking sleep. She felt awful.

Ellie could feel the sleep try to drag her eyes down, but for whatever reason she had been up for the past five hours.

She raised a hand to the ceiling and sighed heavily. Scars lined her hand and her eyes followed them down her arm. She eyed her tattoo and lifted her other arm to trace the outline. When her fingers reached the edges of her bite mark, she retracted her hand as if she’d been burned.

“Fuck…” Ellie whispered as she wrapped a hand around the mark. The mark that had changed her entire life. God, sometimes she really hated it. She hated all of these scars on herself, and it was all because of that stupid bite mark on her arm.

Ellie groaned again and rubbed at her eyes, turning over in her empty bed. Usually there would be someone next to her, someone who she could hug and quell her thoughts. But the bed was empty and cold, and it made Ellie feel the same. She reached out and grasped at the empty space before hugging the pillow for that side of the bed. Sobs left her mouth, muffled by the pillow she buried her face in. She could feel the soft fabric in between her fingers as she squeezed the pillow.

God she felt miserable.

Her wallowing was interrupted by the turning of a doorknob and the squeaking of the bedroom door as it slowly opened. In stepped her girlfriend (y/n).

(Y/n) slowly tiptoed in and gently set her keys down on the dresser. The door closed behind her with a soft click as she proceeded to take her shoes and coat off. She had been on night watch, and Ellie had thought she would be gone for most of the night. Ellie tried to wipe her tears away and turn over before (Y/n) saw her, but it was too late. Even through the darkness Ellie’s tears could be seen by her girlfriend from a mile away. Ellie sometimes hated it; this time, she didn’t.

(Y/n) quickly rushed over and climbed into bed with her. (Y/n) turned Ellie towards her with a look of concern plastered on her face. “Ellie, baby, what’s wrong?” Ellie sniffed and shook her head.

“It’s-It’s nothing. I was just going to sleep.” Ellie tried to turn over again but (Y/n) held her in place.

“Ellie please tell me what’s wrong. I don’t want you to shut me out again.” She gripped Ellie’s hands in hers and connected their foreheads.

“I…I” Ellie struggled to confess, “I hate them. I hate all of them…” Ellie couldn’t stop the tears from escaping.

“Hate who, baby?” (Y/n) asked in confusion. She had thought somebody wronged Ellie, and her tired feet be damned she was ready to go out and find them.

“These…These scars! I hate them all! All they are is a reminder of how much of a freak I am! Of how useless I am! I wished they’d go away!” Ellie snatched her hands back, only for (y/n) to grab them again.

“Oh Ellie. You’re not a failure, baby. What made you even think–” Ellie sat up, interrupting the other.

“It’s this stupid fucking bite mark!” Ellie almost shoved her arm into (y/n)’s face. “Why did I have to be fucking immune? Why did Joel have to take me off of that damn operating table? Why…why didn’t I die that day in the mall with…with…” (Y/n) let her rant, wanting all her emotions to be out in the open before she said anything. “My life would’ve mattered if he had just let me die! If he had just did that then all of these scars wouldnt be on my fucking body! I would’ve been… I would’ve been somebody…” Her voice simmered until she went silent. She covered her face with her hands, hands filled with the scars that she hated so much.

Ellie could hear (Y/n) sigh and get off of the bed. Thinking that she was going to leave, Ellie started to cry harder. That was until she felt the area in front of her dip from extra weight and hands grabbing onto Ellie’s to pull them away from her face. Ellie expected a look of disappointment, or pity, or something. All (y/n) had given her was a small smile and her patience.

(Y/n) said nothing at the moment, only brought Ellie’s arm up to her face to kiss her bite mark. Ellie’s face went warm at the contact. (Y/n) then proceeded to kiss all of the scars she could see. The one in the middle of her right hand after a dog bit her. The one on her right wrist after she got cut with a metal pipe. On her arms from numerous knife fights. On her cheek from falling down a hill and landing on a rock. She even kissed the one on her eye brow. She left no stone unturned, and when she was done she wiped the tears from Ellie’s face and caressed her cheek.

“Ellie, you are somebody.” She whispered it so softly and looked at Ellie with so much sincerity that Ellie thought she would melt. “These scars, all of them, is just proof of your journey, your growth. And I’m sorry that things didn’t turn out differently, but if you’d died in that hospital, hell, in that mall, then you wouldn’t be sitting right here with me. You would never be able to dance with Dina, or talk shit with Jesse, or go shooting with Tommy, or play the guitar with Joel.”

She stopped to rub her thumb over the bite mark. “This bite mark, you may view it as some kind of curse or imperfection but it caused you to be here right now. You, Ellie Williams, have changed so many people’s lives just by being here, and none of that would’ve been possible without it.”

(Y/n) pulled Ellie closer as the tears started to fall again. “You wouldn’t be you without these scars, baby.” Ellie latched onto her every word like a baby latches onto a bottle. Ellie didn’t say anything back. (Y/n) didn’t push her to. She just let Ellie stay in her arms and cry, rubbing the various scars that aligned her body. The scars that (Y/n) adored so much.

Scars that (Y/n) hoped Ellie would grow to love.

[timeforelfnonsense]

The Bargain

Astarion x Dafni

Rating: M 

Ao3 || Sunshine & Starlight: My on going bg3 series  

I want to add a TW up here: The first half of this fic depicts Astarion having a panic attack/being in fight or flight. The portrayal was informed by my own struggles with BPD and panic attacks. I think it's important to remember our responses to trauma are often flawed and imperfect. It was very cathartic for me to write tbh. I'm very proud of this one and I think a lot of Dafni's character really shines through! This one has a good bit of canon d&d lore mixed with some homebrew/folklore about the fey (WotC pls feed me more feywilds canon I am DESPERATE for it!). Elvish Translations (via candle keep): arael’sha: Heart-friend (used in contexts like beloved or my heart) The stars shining right through your eyes: A common elvish idiom referring to one's youth or naiveté.

A gust of wind blew through the putrid bog carrying the damp, acrid smell of rotten vegetation and sulfuric swamp water. The gray, splintered walls of the tea house groaned, the top half of the gnarled structure swaying. It was shocking the poor construction of the ramshackle hovel hadn’t killed the hag for them. Astarion had made his way to the small alcove hung above the crumbling foyer hoping to find his paramour. He felt his heart sink when he was met with nothing but the witch's clutter. Astarion rocked on his heels. There was something deeply wrong with this place, even with Ethel dead. Oppressive energy hung on the stale air. Filling the whole space with an undoubted misery that left him feeling raw and exposed.

Deep down you like being leashed, don't ya?

Gale and Wyll had begun to make themselves at home below him. He observed them as they languidly poked about, looking for anything of the hag’s that would be of use. Wyll had already summoned a raven to send back to camp, a note attached to its foot informing the others that they wouldn’t make it back for the evening. The old bat had not given up without a fight and they’d been left battered and exhausted. Astarion winced, his arm brushing against the wall.

He was bleeding. Fantastic.

He had been too preoccupied with the feelings this place drew out of him to notice the long gash running down the top of his forearm. Ethel had tried to drag him to the gaping chasm at the center of her abode when the fight was no longer in her favor. He had struggled and thrashed against her but she only dug her twisted claws in deeper. She’d nearly succeeded in pitching him over when a fatal arrow from Dafni’s longbow sunk into her eye with a wet squelch, exiting the back of her skull.

He already felt like shit from being tossed about by a hag and that discomfort was only compounded by the growing need for a drink. The scorch of thirst started to lick at the back of his throat. He must have been bleeding into his sleeve for some time. His body was eager to replace what was lost.

Is there still rat stuck in your teeth? Slave!

Perhaps Dafni would allow him a little nibble. Just the thought of the sweet strawberry wine in her veins eased some of the discomforts. Astarion pressed his back against a hideous wardrobe, sliding down until his backside hit the ground. He had made a point of exercising restraint when it came to drinking from her. He never wanted her to be under the impression she was only a meal to him. But he was famished and she was his favorite treat.

You're one thirsty night away from betraying everyone!

Or maybe not...

There had to be something else edible nearby. He took in a deep breath only to be met with the nauseating scent of an overripe corpse. He coughed and sputtered, forcing the repugnant smell from his lungs. Any thirst he might have had was chased off by the gut-twisting aroma. It seemed he wouldn’t be taking a breath for the rest of the night. While his undead nature freed him from the necessity of breathing he’d always been partial to it. The feeling of his chest moving up and down had served as a steadfast reminder he wasn’t  truly  dead despite all he had endured at Cazador’s hand.

Vampire? Ha! You’re nothing but a ravenous cadaver, spawn!

“You bastard! You ruined it- You ruined everything!” Mayrina squawked.

“Are you daft! I helped you!” Dafni spat back.

Well, he found her.

It would seem Dafni’s damsel in distress was none too pleased with her would-be hero. Astarion groaned, bringing his head to his knees. He was agitated as it was and the squabble happening outside was only making the tightness in his chest worse. He squeezed his eyes shut as he tried to tune them out. Astarion grit his teeth, the pain in his arm was growing more acute by the minute and the strange magic of this shithole had his nerves ragged. His body jolted at the crack of a hand against flesh ringing out across the yard outside followed by a string of elven cursing. A torrent harrowing memories shot through his brain as the appalling noise hit his ear. The simmering dread morphing into fury. A low growl fell from his snarling lips as he tore down the stairs towards the yard.

“The hag promised she’d bring my husband back from the grave if I gave her my baby! I just needed to wait a little longer but you had to stick your nose where it didn’t belong!”

“You promised your child to a hag? You do know hags devour babies, yes? They swallow them whole and within a week the child is reborn a hag daughter.” Dafni’s yelped as Mayrina‘s palm came down across her cheek. She brought a hand to the stinging flesh in disbelief. Foxglove bells dripped from her battle messed hair, hot summer rage threatening to boil over. She took a deep breath in attempting to soothe her nerves but her soundings did little to help. The magic that covered this swamp, was arcane and wild- Much the same as dark and forbidden places in her home plane. Hags often built their homes in places where the barrier between the material and faerie was thin enough for fools from both planes to seek them out. It was unsurprising the shadowy influence of the hag had mingled with the magic of a crossing to create a bubble of negativity. It was likely provoking more extreme reactions from the already distressed woman. “I understand you are upset, but my patience is growing thin. I am only trying to help you. I’m no stranger to hags. They are creatures of my homeland and I can assure you there is always a greater price. You’d do well to remember that.”

“Don’t you judge me! You can’t possibly understand-” Mayrina sobbed raising her open palm for another strike only to her wrist caught in the iron grasp of Astarion’s alabaster hand.

Oh no.

“You foul little wrench!” Astarion’s voice was acid, his teeth bared, “She saved your miserable life and you dare raise your filthy hand to her? I have half a mind to tear your throat out but that seems kinder than you deserve.”

Dafni’s heart was pumping a mile a minute. She’d seen Astarion cross but this was completely different. Astarion’s body was completely rigged. His shoulders forward, back straight. His red eyes glowed with ferocity as his grip on Mayrina tightened. Normally when he was upset he’d get stroppy or belligerent. He’d needle the target of his disapproval with snide remarks until they were as frustrated as he was. He could be rather rude and bab tounged when he felt like it but it was always a cool, controlled vexation. This was unfettered wrath far stronger than Mayrina’s actions had earned.

“I-I’m sorry!” Mayrina uttered with a shaking breath, “Please, let me go!”

“Why?” He snarled, cocking his head to the side, “So you can attempt to strike my beloved a third time?”

“Please, arael’sha, let her go…” Dafni wrapped her hand around his shoulder, her eyes soft and concerned, “I’m fine. She shouldn’t have hit me but I’m in no danger from her and you know that.”

“Fine.” He shot her a loathsome look but yielded to her request, tossing Mayrina’s hand with disgust, “You and your gods damned bleeding-heart. Let the shrew disrespect you if you’d like. I don’t care.” Astarion turned on his heels staking back into the tea house his fists balled tight at his side.

Dafni nibbled her lower lip, her fingers worrying the hem of her sleeves. Astarion had made himself scarce after the incident with Mayrina. It upset her to see him so distressed. Her instinct had been to tear after him when he stormed off. But, she knew him well enough to understand he would need space and time to calm down before they discussed it. Any attempt to talk to him before that would only serve to upset him even more. She made herself busy tending to her friends in the meantime. They had a few injuries but nothing she couldn’t patch up. She might have been too worn out for magic but Ethel had kept a decent supply of herbs and tonics for her less exotic ‘lotions and potions’ that would do nicely. She even found a few things worth snagging for her own medical kit back at camp. If they had to be stranded for the night, at least it was somewhere well stocked.

Gale had a burn on his arm she’d treated with a salve of aloe and quince. Wyll a nasty knock to the head, that while painful, by the Protector’s grace, didn’t appear to be a concussion. She’d put on a kettle of willow bark tea and instructed him to drink at least two cups of the stuff as soon as it was ready. She had done all she could for now. More than anything they both seemed fatigued. With a little rest, they’d be on the mend.

The worn staircase creaked under her weight as she made her way to the second level of the house. Astarion sat on the splintering floor, his back propped up against a cluttered cupboard. His scarlet eyes glassy and fixed on a far off point. He was clutching the top of his right forearm. Between his fingers, Dafni could make out a tell-tale dark stain of red on his sleeve.

“You are hurt!” She gasped racing to his side, “Why didn’t you fetch me! Let me clean and bandage that for you.”

“Don’t touch me.” His voice came out in a low growl as he twisted away from her.

Dafni took a step away, her hands held up. “I won’t touch you without your consent but I need to tend to your arm soon. I’m worried about you.”

“Why should I want your help?” He glared at her arm still held tight against his chest. “You certainly don’t want mine.”

Dafni let out an exacerbated exhale, “Is this about what happened earlier?”

“No, it’s about you and your compulsive need to martyr yourself at every chance! It is foolhardy, reckless, and incredibly selfish! You can be so juvenile- The stars shining right through your eyes! And I can’t always be there to mind you, Dafni! Today it was just a slap but one day you are going to try and save the wrong person and I’m going to find you bled out in an outer city gutter or worse!” He was scolding her in earnest now. His bottled-up feelings coming out in a torrid of icy words. “Is rushing into other people’s disasters to prove to mommy and the gods you are a big girl really worth it? ”

“I do tend to put the needs of others before my own” She admitted, “Oftentimes to my own detriment but, please, don't talk to me as if I am a misbehaving child.” Dafni kept her tone calm and even as she continued, “I care for you and I can tell you are feeling overwhelmed. I want to support you but I can’t do that unless you help me understand what’s going on?”

They sat in silence for a while. His lean frame was closed off and wound tight. As if he was prepared to bolt at the slightest disruption of his already fragile state. An anxious tremble coursing through him every few moments. He refused to face her but Dafni could have sworn she saw the wet shimmer of tears forming in his eyes.

“My patience was already rather thin and then I heard that insolent twit strike you…” He spoke at last, finally met her gaze with an absolutely despondent expression. “And something just snapped in me.”

“I’m sorry you had to hear all that shouting. I’m sure listening to her smack the daylights out of me wasn’t pleasant for you. Especially when you were already feeling uneasy.” Dafni said as she slowly brought her head to rest on his shaking shoulder. Astarion dropped a smidge of tension from his body as he buried his face in her roseate, satin-soft curls. His breathing grew more steady by the second. She could sense the storm of his disquiet coming to an end. “I want you to know I appreciate you standing up for me. I might not have agreed with the method but I know your heart was in the right place.” She hesitated, “Can I ask you a question?”

He gave her an uncertain look but nodded, “If you’d like to.”

“Do you feel like it’s your job to protect me?”

He shifted a bit his eyes darting away as his good arm rubbed the nape of this neck. His body language all but screamed the answer but he was clearly still trying to craft a response. “Sometimes. Is that a satisfactory response?”

“Hmm?” Dafni mused, “If you elaborate, yes.”

“Why?” The word came at a long, petulant whine. His brows were knit tight, “I answered the question, did I not?”

Dafni brushed a delicate finger along the straight line of his ear. She smiled as a shiver of delight ran throughout him. A faint flush made its way across the bridge of his nose and to his cheeks. So light you’d miss it if you didn’t know what to look for. “Humor me?”

“I don’t like seeing people hurt you.” He said toying with a stray tendril of her hair, “You always see the best in everyone and everything. The world is full of malefactors who would be more than happy to take advantage of that and for some reason, beyond my control, I’ve decided keeping you happy and whole is just as important to my survival as my own well being.” He groaned pinching the space between his brows with the hand of his unmarred arm, “So you see my motivations are far from selfless. Happy?”

Dafni tried to will the bright grin that threatened to take shape across her lips away. Worried she might frighten him off with her enthusiasm. “Your elaboration was sufficient.” She tittered, no longer suppressing her smile. Her eyes shimmering with mirth as she spoke, “I have an idea! How about we strike a bargain?”

Astarion’s mouth quirked with a warm smile of his own, “Wasn’t it the dangers of fey bargains that caused this mess in the first place?”

“Yes, but I am no hag and I’ll give my word to say only what I mean. No tricks. Creatures of Faerie are bound by our word, we never go back on a promise once given.” She explained, “Now, I respect you far too much to lie and say I’ll stop helping people when I think they need it but, I, Dafni Ríwen of Gwynneth, Daughter of Thesmia Ríwen, cleric of blessed Corellon Larethina give you, Astarion of Baldur's Gate my word that I will try to pick my battles rather than jumping in headfirst at every opportunity. In exchange, I ask that you treat me as your equal from now. I watch your back and you watch mine. We protect each other. Always. Do we have a deal?”

“I can agree to that.”

With a bargain struck between them she leaned in close brushing her lips against his cheek, a gentle tingle of magic, sweet as spring spreading through them both. “Now, I insist you give me that arm. You might like the smell of blood but to me, it reeks of iron.” With a half-hearted laugh, he relinquished the injured arm to her at last. Drat. Was nothing simple? The gash was much deeper than she’d thought it to be. “ Hmmm, this will need stitches, unfortunately. At least until I can rest and heal you with magic. I’ll need to boil some more cloth for bandages and find a needle in this mess.” Dafni procured a small flask of pale yellow liquid from her pack, a bit strong for such a simple procedure but with his, she didn’t want to retrigger his fight or flight by stabbing him with whatever dull needle she could scrounge up. “In the meantime take a  very  small nip of this. It’s a bit of poppy syrup diluted with dandelion wine for the pain and nerves. Drink up. I’ll be back in just a moment.”

Dafni made her way back downstairs creating a list of supplies in her mind: She’d need to boil some cloth in witch hazel for dressing, a steel needle, and thread, alcohol to clean the wound, something to keep everything clean and safe while she worked in the filthy alcove...

When Dafni returned she found Astarion lounging rather contently with a lazy grin on his beautiful face. She had told him to take only a small nip! Oh well, at least he’d sit still for her. She sat back down, carefully placing the silver tray of makeshift medical supplies beside her.

“This stuff is great, Daffodil!” He chuckled, swirling the remainder of her laudanum around the flask.

“A nip, Astarion. A nip! Now give me that.” She scolded, snatching the glass bottle from his loose grip. He only laughed, completely bemused by her annoyance. “Alright, I’m going to clean out the cut with some alcohol. It might sting a bit.” Dafni explained, rolling her eyes, “Though I hardly think you’ll notice in this state.”

He winced a bit as the alcohol came in contact with his flesh, his nose scrunching up in displeasure but he sat otherwise stone still. Methodically, she began the work of suturing his arm. He was very lucky she’d been able to bum a needle and thread off Gale otherwise she would have been forced to get creative.

“You are a cleric. Doesn't daddy Corellon grant you all kinds of healing power? Why did you bother to learn how to mend people without magic?”

“Ok, first off  please  do not refer to the divine being that created our people as ‘daddy’ ever again.” She shook her head with a giggle all the while continuing her task, “Secondly, I learned because of situations just like this one. Magic takes a lot of energy. I can’t just cast unlimited healing spells and the wilds can be dangerous. I never wanted to find myself in a situation when I was unable to care for myself or my sisters. Besides, I needed something to study while they and my mother worked on their wizardry.”

“I want to know something else. Why did you let that fool girl get away with slapping you?”

Dafni mulled the thought over for a bit as she finished the final stitch, snipping the thread with a pair of sewing shears she fully intended to steal. “Because I felt sorry for her. She had clearly already suffered enough without my vengeance. Humans live such fleeting lives, Astarion. They are over before our people even reach adulthood. They experience so much loss and decay in such little time. I think it can make them blind to the long term implications of their choices.”

“I still think you should have let me kill her for disrespecting you.” He shrugged, “But I suppose I can understand your thinking.”

“As I said, she’s suffered more than her fair share. But I appreciate the sentiment.” She gathered a length of linen, winding it snugly over his arm. “All done! You were a model patient!” She teased before adding with sincerity, “I hope that wasn’t too bad.”

“It wasn’t bad at all. Thank you. For everything.” He paused for a beat, his eyes falling to the well-worn floorboards, “You are the first person to treat me like a man in a very long time. You make it easy to forget I’m an undead horror. I’m eternally grateful for you even if I’m not the best at expressing that.”

“I wish you wouldn’t talk like that Astarion.” She scowled, “It hurts my heart when you say things like that about yourself. We might not always see eye to eye and I won’t lie, you can be an absolute pain in my backside. But you will always be a person to me. Never a monster.”

“Always so sweet.” He sighed, slumping against her shoulder, nuzzling his favorite spot in the hollow of her neck. “I wish I understood you. All that time and I don’t think I’ve ever really understood you- how you can be so... good. Yet, frustratingly you’ve always seemed to understand me better than I understand myself.”

He spoke with an unmistakable familiarity, far beyond that which they’d formed over the past few days. Their people lived many lives. Longing to return to Corellon’s side in Arvandor but unable to as punishment for confining themselves to a single shape. Two elves could find each other in more than one lifetime. It was far from unheard of.

The Feywilds did funny things to a person's memory if they weren’t used to its magic. Even affecting the reverie of those from other lands who spent time among their eladrin cousins. The crossing or the magic of her bargain could possibly have provoked things long forgotten.

Or he was simply three sheets to the wind.

Regardless it was refreshing to have such a candid conversation with him. Free of affectation or pretense. Even if he was almost certainly going to forget all of it and be right back to his cocksure self by morning.

“I disagree.” She stated, “I think you understand me better than you think. You’re just a little out of practice when it comes to letting people close to you. You didn’t ask but, as I’m positive you’ll forget this little talk by tomorrow, I also want to add that I think you are secretly very sensitive. I’ve also seen the puppy eyes you give me when you think I’m not looking. Totally adorable! You are just afraid to let people see that side of you.”

“Puppy eyes?” He chuckled nipping softly at her throat, “I think I preferred thinking you were scared of me.”

“Sorry to disappoint, sweetness.” She tuted placing a light peck on his forehead, “You need to rest. I’ll be here when you wake.”

“Oh, my darling, Despoena.” He muttered exhausted against her shoulder. “It was so lonely here without you. I’m glad you found me at last.”  

Dafni’s heart stopped dead in its tracks.

How?

He named her.

The memories of one’s primal life were lost after their first century. Leaving only glimmers and fragments behind. For the fey eladrin, true names- The names they had carried when they sprung from the blood of the Creator, were the most sacred and personal of those precious among them. Names held power in the land of Faerie but none so much as a soul’s true name. They were not to be shared with even the closest of loved ones, and yet in his haze, Astarion somehow knew?

“Astarion… I’ve never told anyone my true name. Not even my mother knows it. How did you know it? And what do you mean by ‘I’m glad you found me’? Are you having some kind of waking reverie or are you just high out of your mind? I’m a little taken back- And you are snoring. Great. You blurt out my only true secret and then it's off to Sehanine Moonbow with you.”

As desperately as she wanted to puzzle out the evening's events she was tired in mind and body. The others had already settled in for the night and she’d be wise to do the same. She settled herself in for trance, Astarion’s head on her shoulder, his hand intertwined with hers. Praying her reverie might provide some answers.  

[marjansmarwani]

The Boss’s Son (Part 4)

A 911: Lone Star Role Reversal AU

[Read on Ao3]

[Part 1]   [Part 2]   [Part 3]  

Firefighter Carlos Reyes and Officer TK Strand’s secret relationship is out in the open now, thrust into the spotlight when TK was shot.

They’ve taken their time to regroup and heal, growing closer all the while. Now the recovery period is over things are going back to normal and they’re learning that there is no such thing as business as usual anymore. This experience has changed both of them, and now they have to find a way to live in this new reality. Thankfully they have each other, and that is the one thing they know for sure.

---

Tarlos Week Day 7: Writer's Choice

Finally finished Day 7 of @tarlosweek2020 just in time! If you haven’t read the rest of this AU requested by @buttercupstrand that I started back in May and thought I was done with (I was wrong). Essentially, Carlos is a firefighter at the 126, TK is a cop with APD, they meet and hook up not knowing Carlos works for TK’s dad and then things happen from there. The first three chapters follow season 1 fairly closely, but this new one concerns events after the end of the season. 

Should I maybe not have written a 10k extra chapter to an AU for an event? Probably, but I did so here you go. It has been a pleasure writing for this week and seeing and reading what everyone else has put out. I am once again in awe of this fandom. I sincerely hope you have all enjoyed my works this week and that you enjoy this one!) 

------

TK tucked his shirt in neatly, before moving his hands to do up the last two buttons of his uniform shirt. If still fit just as well as it always had, but it felt foreign now; unfamiliar. It felt like a remnant of a different lifetime and in a way, it was. 

 It had been over a month since that night and that call; a month since TK had kicked open a door and been shot by an 8-year-old. He could still feel the ghost of the bandage on his collarbone, could still feel the phantom pull of the stitches. He noticed that his hands trembled over the last button and he let it go, forcing them back to his sides, willing them to stay steady. 

 He was fine, really. It was just desk duty. He wouldn’t be allowed back into the field until he had been fully cleared by a doctor and department psychologist. He could handle this. 

 The most ironic part, he thought to himself as he examined himself in the mirror, studying his uniform for imperfections, was that before this he never would have thought for a moment that he might have even a moment’s hesitation about jumping back into the field. He became a cop to help people, and he didn’t see how he could do that from a desk. (There was also the mountains of paperwork to consider, but that was another matter altogether.) He had never been a very sedentary person - his father had often joked that he hadn’t seen him hold still since the moment he was born and one time he had the flu when he was 8. He had never thought that given the chance there would be any hesitation, any doubt in his mind that jumping back into the action was the right thing - the only thing. 

 Now in the after, he was filled with hesitation. It wasn’t fear per se; and it had nothing to do with the actual pain and injury. It had everything to do with the people he loved and the hurt he had seen in them when he almost didn’t pull through. TK had always known the risks of his job, had always known there was a chance that something could happen to him. But until he had seen it, until he had known the effect that it had on the people he cared about most, he had never truly appreciated it. He didn’t want to put any of them through that ever again. 

 A voice from the doorway interrupted his reverie, “still fits, huh?” 

 He turned to find Carlos, also ready for work in his AFD uniform, sipping a cup of coffee as he leaned on the doorframe. 

 “Like a glove,” he responded glibly. Carlos set his mug down on the shelf by the door and crossed the room so he was standing in front of TK. He studied him closely before reaching out a gentle hand to straighten his badge. TK watched as he trailed his fingers up from the badge to his collar, pausing almost imperceptibly in the spot where just weeks before a bullet had ripped through his flesh and almost ended it all. Neither of them said a word as Carlos pulled himself back to the present and continued his journey up to TK’s collar, straightening it with a gentle tug. 

 “It’s just desk duty, Carlos,” TK said into the silence, “it’ll be fine.”

 Carlos blinked and seemed to come back to himself, “Of course it will be.” But the smile he gave TK didn’t reach his eyes. TK reached down to find Carlos’s hand, still resting on his collar, and covered it with his own. “It’ll be fine,” he repeated using his other hand to softly lift Carlos’s chin so he could look him in the eyes, “I promise.”  

 Carlos nodded again and this time his smile seemed more genuine. “Now that I believe in.” 

 TK returned the smile and leaned forward, capturing Carlos in a kiss. Carlos leaned into it and TK reached down to snake his arms around the other man’s waist, pulling him closer. He deepened the kiss, but Carlos pulled away, causing TK to let out a disgruntled sound. 

 Carlos chuckled, “Sorry babe,” he said as he pressed a light kiss to TK’s forehead,  “as much as I would love to keep going with this, we both have to work this morning. Personally, I don’t think your dad would find this an acceptable reason to be late and am sure Mya will be waiting not very patiently for you at the precinct. 

 “Spoilsport,” TK complained with a pout. Carlos chuckled again as he leaned forward to speak into TK’s ear. “Besides,” he began, voice low,  “it would be a shame to wrinkle that uniform before you go to work. We can save that for later.”

 Then he pulled away, walking back towards the door to pick up his abandoned mug and exited the room. 

 TK stood rooted to the spot, still standing in front of the mirror, dumbfounded. It was several moments before he was able to get words out. 

 “You’re a menace, Carlos Reyes.” 

 ---------- 

“How’s Lover Boy’s first day back in the saddle?”

 Carlos looked up from his phone to find Judd staring at him with raised eyebrows. “Must you call him that?” he asked drily. 

 “Since you knew exactly who I was talking about, yes, I think I do.” 

 Carlos rolled his eyes before returning his gaze to his phone. He could feel Judd’s gaze still on him. He ignored it for several long moments but when he realized the older man had no intention of stopping he sighed and looked up again, “I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “He hasn’t sent me more than a mention that Mya says hi all morning and I don’t want to bombard him so I’m just...waiting.” 

 “You’re not very good at waiting,” Judd noted. 

 Carlos shook his head ruefully, “Don’t I know it. I mean,” he continued, “it’ll be fine. I have nothing to worry about. It’s desk duty. He’s fine. It’ll be fine.” 

 “You know if I were to hazard a guess, I might say that you don’t believe a word you’re saying.” 

 “I don’t know,” Carlos replied wearily, “I just...I don’t know.” 

 Judd nodded sagely, “Glad we cleared that up,” he noted as he took a sip of coffee. 

 Carlos was debating whether he needed to dignify that with a response or if a rude hand gesture would suffice when Paul entered the kitchen. “How’s TK’s first day back going?” he asked Carlos as he reached for a mug. 

 “He doesn’t know,” Judd answered helpfully. 

 Paul paused and looked frowned over his shoulder at Carlos, “How do you not know?” 

 “TK hasn’t said much and he doesn’t want to keep texting him so he’s just waiting.” 

 Paul nodded solemnly, “He’s not good at waiting.” 

 “Do I even need to be here for this conversation to happen, or are you two good on your own?” Carlos snapped. 

 Both Paul and Judd gave him pointed looks, “Someone’s feisty today,” Judd noted as he took another sip of his coffee. 

 Carlos groaned, but forced himself to take a deep breath and put his head in his hands. After a few moments, he looked up again. “I’m sorry guys,” he said somewhat sheepishly, “I really didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m just…” 

 “Concerned?” offered Judd.

 “Worried?” Paul suggested. 

 Carlos nodded in agreement, “and I don’t really want to say anything to him about it because he looked a little freaked out himself when he was getting ready this morning. He doesn’t need my worries on his mind too.”

 “I hate to break it to you man, but he probably already knows,” Paul informed him.  

 Judd nodded his agreement, “You don’t exactly have the best poker face brother, especially not when it comes to your man.”

 Carlos ran a weary hand through his hair. “You’re probably right, but I wish he didn’t know. I wish I were better at hiding it. He has so much on his plate, he doesn’t need my irrational fear too.” 

 “I don’t know if I’d call it irrational,” Paul responded reasonably, “especially considering recent events.” 

 Carlos turned to him with a raised eyebrow, “So it’s normal to be worried about my boyfriend the cop getting murdered at his own desk in the middle of a police precinct in broad daylight?” 

 “No, I think that might cross into irrational territory,” Paul allowed. 

 “Good to know I’ve got that going for me,” Carlos responded drily. 

 He could see Judd and Paul exchanging looks, but they were saved the trouble of having to respond to his neurosis by the alarm. They set down their coffee cups in tandem and jogged over to the engine bay. 

 “It’s going to be okay man,” Paul assured him softly as they climbed onto the rig. Carlos gave him a tight smile in response but while he appreciated his friend’s effort, he just couldn’t move past this. Not yet. 

----------------- 

TK entered the bullpen to applause. He was so taken aback that he froze, trapped in the entrance like a deer in the headlights. When the familiar faces of his colleagues registered he felt himself relax and smile. He held up a placating hand as he crossed to his desk, smiling at his coworkers and receiving more than one affectionate pat on the shoulder. 

 He paused again when he reached his desk, or where he had at least thought his desk was. What stood in front of him now seemed more like the inside of a recycling bin on Christmas morning than any desk he had ever seen. Wrapping paper and bows covered almost every inch, save for about 8 inches on the front where a sign declaring “Welcome back Strand!” was visible. He raised a bemused eyebrow at his desk before turning his gaze the desk beside his own where Mya sat, looking like the cat that ate the canary. 

 “Your doing, I assume?” 

 “Why would you say that?”

 “Oh I don’t know,” he said mildly, setting his coffee cup down on a corner that was relatively level, “it has a certain kind of flair that reminds me of you.” 

 She chuckled, “I would be flattered, but the Lieutenant's kids were here last night and they helped. They may have gotten a little carried away,” she added with a ‘what are you going to do?’ kind of shrug. 

 TK laughed appreciatively, “remind me to thank her later.” 

 He located his chair between some particularly ambitious bows and pulled it out before taking a seat. Mya joined him, perching herself on the corner of his desk. She studied him intently. “How are you feeling?” she asked. 

 TK rolled his eyes, “You literally saw me two days ago Mya - I’m fine. I was fine then and I am fine now. It’s fine.”

 She peered at him suspiciously. “What?” he asked defensively. 

 “Just wondering if maybe you were a little too quick to say how fine you are.”

 “Why would I lie Mya? I’m…”

 “Fine?” she suggested. 

 “Yes,” he agreed firmly, “completely, totally, 100% fine.” 

 She was still looking at him with a doubtful expression, so he changed the topic in self-defense: “Don’t you have a partner you’re supposed to be patrolling with?”

 “Temporary partner,” Mya reminded him, “only until you’re back in the field. And that better be soon - I don’t know how much more I can take of Thad.”

 “His name isn’t really Thad, is it?” 

 Mya nodded solemnly, “While you’ve been out recovering I have been stuck with the latest rookie - Thaddeus Sterling, the third.” 

 “You’re making that up,” TK accused.  

 “I am not. I wish I was.” 

 “There are two more Thaddeus Sterling’s in the world?” 

 “It’s a ‘family name,’ apparently.” 

 “Ouch.”

 Mya rolled her eyes, “I’d feel worse for him if he wasn’t such a dense pretty boy.”

 TK raised a skeptical eyebrow, “that bad?” 

 “The man has been flirting with me for three straight weeks, TK. He does not understand the concept of a lesbian and the fact that I have zero interest in dating anyone of the male persuasion, let alone him. Not to mention that his entire personality revolves entirely around the fraternity he was in at UT. If I have to hear anymore about the Longhorn’s defensive game this year, I cannot be held responsible for my actions.” 

 TK winced sympathetically, “I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” 

 “Just get better so you can be my partner again,” Mya said with an exasperated sigh, “I can handle him, I just don’t know for how much longer.” 

 Any response TK could have made was cut off when a young guy with artfully spiked hair appeared at the side of his desk. “Ready to ride Esquilin?” he asked Mya, before sparing a glance at TK. Somewhere between the wrapping paper explosion that was his desk and his proximity to Mya, something seemed to click for him. “Oh hey,” he exclaimed, turning to face TK, “You must be Strand, right? The one who got shot!” 

 “Yep, that’s me,” TK confirmed. 

 “That’s intense,” the kid - Thaddeus Sterling III, TK assumed - observed. “But hey, you gotta have a cool scar now, right? I bet the chicks dig it!” 

 “I wouldn’t know,” TK responded drily, ignoring Mya’s dramatic eye-roll from behind Thad’s shoulder. Thad, for his part, simply looked puzzled. TK wondered if he should elaborate, but was saved the trouble by Mya slipping off his desk with a sigh, “Let’s get moving Sterling, we have work to do. And I am not ready to ride, I am ready to drive. Don’t think you’re going to pull a fast one on me.” 

 As Thad walked away Mya paused to glare down at TK, “You better get well soon.” 

 “You know, most people don’t make well wishes sound like a threat.”

 Mya gave a significant look at Thad’s back before turning her expression back to TK with raised brows. He held up his hands in surrender, “Fine, I get it. I’ll do my best.” 

 “That’s all I ask.”

 “Remember, murdering your partner is bad!” TK called to her retreating back. Her only response was a rude hand gesture thrown over her shoulder. 

 TK chuckled and shook his head fondly. It was nice to be back. He didn’t know what he was so worried about. It would be fine, really. 

 He was so lost in thought that the slamming of a desk drawer at a nearby desk startled him back to reality. It caused him to jump and sent his heart racing. He peered around the bullpen only to see that no one else had reacted: to the slamming drawer or his reaction. He closed his eyes and took several deep, measured breaths. 

 He was fine, really. 

--------------------- 

The ladder truck arrived at the scene of a multi-vehicle accident and the crew piled out, each taking in the scene with a practiced eye. There were some scenes that you pulled up to and knew instinctively that they were going to be bad. Full of pain and suffering and images that would haunt you for days or weeks to come. 

 This wasn’t one of them. 

 Sure there was an alarming amount of vehicles involved but the atmosphere radiated annoyance and anger, not fear and despair. A quick survey didn’t reveal anything beyond a minor injury - Carlos hoped that maybe that could hold true. 

 They split up and waded into the crowd and cars, checking in with each person, searching for anyone trapped or seriously injured. Thankfully the initial assessment proved correct and there were none. The scene still needed to be cleared and injuries needed to be looked at, but there was no immediate threat staring them down. They all got to work and Carlos found himself helping Michelle and her team with basic first aid until a familiar voice called his name. 

 He turned to see Mya, a younger guy with very deliberately styled hair at her shoulder. He grinned at her as the woman he had just finished with jumped off the gurney serving as his exam table. “Hey Mya, how’s it going?” 

 She raised an eyebrow as she drew closer, “My day is fine, but that’s not what you're asking, is it?” 

 He gave her a sheepish grin and she rolled her eyes but answered his unasked question: “He seems fine. He says he’s fine.” 

 “What do you think?” 

 She shrugged, “Too soon to tell, but I don’t see any reason not to believe him. If he says he’s fine, then he probably is.”

 The younger guy pulled level with them and looked between them suggestively, “Someone you need to introduce me to, Partner?” 

 Carlos’s eyebrows rose as Mya heaved an exasperated sigh, “Carlos, this is Thad - my temporary partner. Thad, this is Carlos - TK’s boyfriend.” 

 Thad looked puzzled and Mya rolled her eyes at him, “You know, TK. My regular partner: has been out on medical leave, you met him this morning?” 

 “Yeah, I remember,” he said “I just thought that you two…” he trailed off suggestively and Mya took a deep, measured breath. 

 “No, we are not. I don’t like men, remember? We’ve been over this like, 5 times.”

 “Huh,” was all he said and seemed to be seriously considering this information. Mya gave Carlos an exasperated look and gave Thad a nudge. “Go find something to help with,” she instructed with a gesture towards the accident scene, “I’ll be along in a moment.”  

 He obliged with a parting wave to Carlos and they watched him leave before Carlos spoke, “he seems like fun.” 

 “Oh yeah, a barrel of laughs,” Mya deadpanned. 

 “His name isn’t really Thad, is it?” 

 “Thaddeus Sterling III.” 

 “You’re making that up.” 

 Mya rolled her eyes, “I swear you two are the same person, it’s ridiculous.” 

 Carlos frowned at her, “Me and Thaddeus?”

 She swatted at him, “No! You and TK. I had the exact same conversation with him this morning. You two are so alike sometimes it’s scary.”

 Carlos laughed appreciatively before the mention of TK’s return to work reminded him of his concerns. “You really think he’s okay?” he asked Mya again. 

 She shrugged, “He seems to be. Only time will really tell, but right now he seems fine. Almost like nothing happened.” 

 Mya’s name was called and they both looked over towards the accident scene to see Thad waving his hands in the air and looking far too pleased with himself. Mya sighed again, “I better go see what he wants. Hopefully, he didn’t break anything this time. The faster TK is back in the field the better; I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” she flicked her gaze back to Carlos, “Catch up with you later?” 

 He nodded and gave her a smile that she returned before striding off to find Thad. The moment she was gone Carlos let the smile slip. He knew Mya would never put TK at risk and would never push him to do anything before he was ready, but their conversation had filled him with dread. 

 He shook it off and pulled himself up straighter. He had a job to do now - he could go back to worrying about his boyfriend later. 

------------------ 

“Please, take a seat, Officer Strand.” 

 TK sank into the chair indicated and watched as the department psychologist - a woman in her mid-40s - settled into one across from him, crossing her legs neatly at the knees and balancing a clipboard in her lap. 

 “Have you ever participated in any kind of therapy before, Officer Strand?” 

 TK nodded, “I have been seeing a therapist off and one since I was about 16.” 

 The psychologist - Dr. Said - nodded and gave a small smile, “Good, then you should be fairly familiar with how this works. That should make this easier - people who have never done any form of therapy often take a while to feel comfortable enough to effectively share.” 

 TK nodded and drummed his fingers, waiting for the doctor to lay the groundwork. As the silence dragged on he could feel his anxiety growing. “So how does this work?” he finally blurted out, caving to the crushing silence. 

 Today we are just going to have a chat. This is considered the beginning of your probationary period, for lack of a better word - of being cleared for full and active duty. We will meet once more toward the middle of this mandated time, and then once again at the end. Then my reports and recommendations, along with your doctor, and your Captain will all be reviewed and a determination for your fitness to serve - both physically and mentally - will be made.” 

 TK nodded, running all the steps and names through his head once again. “How long does this usually take?” he asked. Dr. Said shrugged, “somewhere between 2-4 weeks. Since your injury was severe I would say that your case will be pushed out closer to the 4 weeks mark so everyone can feel certain about their findings.” 

 TK nodded. He glanced around the office, avoiding the doctor’s piercing gaze as he asked the question he truly dreaded: “and if I am not deemed fit to serve?” 

 Dr. Said readjusted her clipboard and uncapped her pen, “Then alternate options will be discussed at that time. But let’s get started before you start jumping to worse case scenarios. It won’t do any good to dwell on them.”

 TK nodded and Dr. Said continued, peering at him over her clipboard, pen poised and ready: “Now,” she asked, “what can you tell me about the night of the incident?” 

 TK swallowed. This was not going to be fun, at all. 

-------------------- 

Carlos entered his house to find the light already on and upbeat music drifting from the kitchen. He smiled as he dropped his bag by the door, kicking off his shoes and heading towards the noise and his boyfriend. He turned the corner to find TK bobbing his head to the music as he pulled plates out of the cupboard, turning and setting them down beside a platter of food on the counter. Carlos crossed the room and found TK’s phone on the counter. He reached across and using the side buttons, lowered the volume. 

 TK spun around as the music faded, but his surprised look faded into one of pleasure when he noticed Carlos. 

 “Hey babe,” he said, crossing the room to give Carlos a kiss, “I didn’t hear you come in.”

 Carlos raised a single eyebrow, “I’m not surprised. I don’t know how you can hear anything with the music that loud. I am surprised the neighbors didn’t call to complain.” 

 TK waved off his concerns, “They’re fine. Besides, the windows are shut so there is no way they should have heard that. My phone speaker is not that powerful.”

 Carlos rolled his eyes and then narrowed them when he noticed the food. “You didn’t cook, did you?” he asked, glancing around the kitchen, “I don’t see any scorch marks.” 

 TK put a hand over his heart, “Ye of little faith!” he exclaimed dramatically, “do you really think I cannot manage even a basic dinner without property damage?” 

 “Yes,” Carlos deadpanned, “because I have extensive experience to prove that point. Do I need to remind you of the breakfast in bed incident?” 

 “That was not my fault,” TK said quickly, “but no, I did not cook. I ordered this from that Korean place you like.”

 Carlos chuckled and leaned down to place a kiss on the side of TK’s neck, “my hero.” 

 TK laughed lightly but reached forward to grab the food. “Can you grab the plates? We should get to this before it gets cold.” Carlos obliged and once they were settled at the table with full plates, he asked the question that had been eating at him all day.

 “How was your first day back?” he hoped his voice didn’t betray any of the anxiety he had felt all day. 

 TK shrugged and she scooped some rice onto his fork, “Pretty uneventful. Mya wrapped my desk in wrapping paper, and then I had to spend all day at it doing paperwork.” At Carlos’s raised eyebrow he added, “I took off the wrapping paper halfway through the day, the crinkling was driving me nuts.” 

 Carlos grinned, “I ran into Mya today actually. Met her new partner.” 

 “Temporary partner,” TK corrected quickly, like a reflex. 

 “Right,” Carlos amended, “temporary partner. Did you get to talk to him at all? He seems…”

 “Interesting?” TK provided. 

 “That’s one way to put it.” 

 TK nodded, “She can’t stand him. She keeps telling me I need to get back out into the field before she snaps and murders him.” 

 There is silence in the wake of the quip, as they both realize the elephant in the room has just been brought into the light. Back in the field is a statement that haunts both of them, for different reasons. 

 “I had my psych eval today,” TK blurted out, cutting through the silence. 

 Carlos looked up from his food, “You didn't say anything about it before,” he noted. He kept his face neutral while all the while his mind raced with implications. 

 TK shrugged, “I didn’t really know what to tell. I wasn’t sure if it was a one and done kind of thing of if it was a process. Turns out, it’s a process.”  

 TK’s voice was neutral, but Carlos knew him well enough to know that it was forced. He wasn’t feeling as calm about this as he was letting on, but Carlos wasn’t sure why. 

 “What kind of process?” 

 TK sighed, leaning back in his chair as he explained, “It’s going to take 3-4 weeks, at least two more meetings with the department psychologist, a recommendation from my Captain, and then they all have to agree on it. But it’s pointless, there’s nothing to agree on - I’m fine.” 

 Carlos considered that before he spoke. He noted that TK’s posture was anything but relaxed. His arms were crossed so tightly against his chest Carlos wondered about the possibility of bruising. He was tapping his foot against the floor in a light staccato pattern. Carlos liked to think he had come to know TK Strand fairly well over the past few months, and this was not TK Strand relaxed. 

 “Isn’t that a good thing though?” he asked eventually, “Isn’t it for the best to make sure, isn’t it smart to be absolutely sure that all the officers in the department are at the top of their game? Letting someone in the field who’s not ready to be there, that could lead to problems. It could be dangerous, for both the cop and anyone else involved. Isn't it better not to risk that?” 

 TK shrugged, but Carlos could see some of the tension leaving his body, “You’re right,” he agreed, “but it’s still frustrating. I’m fine.” 

 Carlos nodded. He turned his attention back to his dinner, but not before adding one last thought: “It’s okay to not be fine yet Ty.” 

 TK met his gaze for a moment before looking away quickly. “I know,” he replied softly, “but I am.”

 Carlos gave him a smile but as they turned back to their meal in silence he couldn’t shake the feeling that TK was lying.

[Read the rest on Ao3 - it was too long to post it all here!]

[thesextheorist]

External Male Genitalia

(Warning: One very shit side diagram of the male genitalia, and one computer generated image showing the difference between a circumcised and uncircumcised penis).

Hello my lovelies,

Sorry for such a long wait, I’ve been struggling with my mental health and motivation in general. However, I’ve had a mini holiday and I feel re-energised. I’m going to set myself a goal of posting a new ‘lesson’, if you will, on this blog every Friday. I just want to say another big thank you to all those who are supporting this blog and are wanting to learn more about your fun parts.

My first two posts were centred around the female genitalia (of which I am very familiar seeing as though I have one). We are now going to give some love to the guys and talk about male genitalia – I have done as much research as I can. Unfortunately with male genitalia it seems to be a case of…what you see is really all you get, externally anyway. I will do my best, but if something does seem off just let me know (remember this is a learning journey for all of us – myself included). Ok without further ado…

Mons Pubis – The area of fatty tissue that covers the pelvic bone, however it is not as prominent on males as it is females.

Onto the actual penis, which is split up into three main sections:

The root – this is internally attached to the wall of your abdomen, and connects the penis to the pelvic bones via ligaments to offer support. Colour coded Green (I’ve included some on the actual penis to help give the idea of how it supports the penis).

The shaft/the body – This is the tube like part of the penis. This is the area that swells with blood due to the three internal chambers which contain spongy erectile tissue (corpus spongiosum) which themselves are filled with thousands of gaps which fill with blood as the male becomes aroused. When the penis becomes erect, it lengthens and thickens, shifting positions as it lifts towards the abdomen – where the rather cringy term ‘standing to attention’ is aptly applied. Colour coded Orange.

The glans – this is the ‘blub’ or head at the very end of the penis, which can be covered with foreskin. There is the urethral opening at the end of the penis where both urine and semen are expelled from the body. Yes men only have ‘one hole’ and both urine and semen are expelled from the urethra. However, internal reproductive organs block off the ability to expel urine from the urethra when the penis is erect. The glans is also filled with thousands of nerve endings (4000 to be exact), meaning if you want a reaction – give it some special attention, don’t neglect the other areas, but this is the external pleasure centre. Colour coded Red.

Foreskin – This is a sheath of skin that is attached to the head/glans of the penis when males are born. It helps to keep the glans lubricated, mainly in older males. It is fully attached to the glans in these early days, meaning it can’t be pulled back. It starts to separate around age 2 but it can start partially detaching later in life. No matter what age you are, please for the love of God do not try to pull your foreskin back further than it will naturally go – you will hurt yourself. If you have foreskin it is important to gently pull it back and wash under it, if not a cheesy like substance delightfully known as ‘smegma’ can build up and potentially lead to infections. The foreskin can also be removed at a young age for religious beliefs. The removal of the foreskin is known as circumcision. There are also different forms of circumcision for different religions, but I am not qualified to talk about them. If anyone belonging to a religion that practices circumcision and the belief behind it would like to share their story please feel free (I will anonymise you of course and please do not post your experience unless you are 18+). Colour coded Red. There is an image below which shows the difference between a circumcised penis and a non-circumcised penis.  

Scrotum - The scrotum is the sac located behind the penis; it is literally a sack of skin to hold the testicles. There is a left and right testicle, and like female breasts they are rarely symmetrical – if there is one thing to learn about nature is that she hates symmetry with a passion. In fact, one side of the human body is bigger than the other. Anyway back to balls. The purpose of the scrotum is to hold the testes which produce sperm and hold them until ejaculation (the physical effect of an orgasm). Hormones, such as testosterone (clues in the name) are produced here. Testosterone is the main sex hormone found in males, it plays a key role in the maturing of the male during puberty – focusing mainly on the sex organs, secondly on bone mass, muscle and body hair. In some cases a male may be born with one testicle. This is normal, but I would always advise that you check with your doctors if you are worried about something (I’ll share a story about my asymmetrical tits and the doctors at the end to make you guys and gals feel better). Others may lose a testicle to a medical issue – remember all bodies are different and there is beauty in our imperfections. Colour coded Blue.

Perineum – Which is also eloquently referred to as the ‘Gooch’, which is located behind the balls and before the anus – it’s in-between the two. Much like on the female, the perineum can vary in size, between 1 – 2+ inches. It can also be stimulated during sex, again, just be careful. (see my second post on female genitalia for reference).

Right story time:

So I’m telling you all this to help with my own body confidence and to help anyone who may be going through the same thing either with their tits or balls, or anyone who may be struggling with body image in general. So during puberty my tits started growing in fairly even, until my left decided to be a bitch and outgrow the other. And this isn’t a ‘little’ difference – it is incredibly noticeable, and I have to wear special shaping and compacting bras to help with my shape and make it less noticeable. Now a lot of things can affect this, diet, hormones and genetics being some. I went to the doctors for two reasons, one to check that there were not any underlying health problems such as breast cancer. Thankfully that was a negative, but I still make sure to regularly check my breasts in the bath to be sure (I’ll include a post on this too). Two, to see if anything could be done to even them out, but the NHS said no as it wasn’t a real medical concern (which to be fair, it isn’t a medical concern if there is nothing causing it other than nature hating symmetry). I’m now in my 20s and still suffer with this problem. I’ll be honest with you, I’m self-conscious every day, I’m scared of getting naked and having someone laugh at me. However, at the end of the day, if someone laughs at your body doing something that it can’t control, then they’re a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve your time and you should wait for bigger and better things. No one is lesser because of their body, no matter what it looks like. Coming to terms with your body does take time, it is still taking me time, but talking to your loved ones (or complete strangers on the internet if you’re like me) is the first stepping stone to acceptance.

Alright, that’s a wrap on my external genitalia series! Over the next few weeks I’ll be covering erogenous zones, internal pleasure centres, masturbation, consent and safe sex (not necessarily in that order)! I will cover the reproductive systems at some point, but I will let you know that it is not my main concern as most education systems around the world teach sex ed with the purpose of reproduction. To say sorry for being so late with this post, I will let you guys choose what I next post about, just reply to this post and I’ll tally it up. Your choices are:

1 – Erogenous Zones

2 – Internal Pleasure centres

The runner up will be posted a week after the winner. I’ll stop counting the results on Sunday, 11th July at 9 pm (UK time/GMT +1).

The next post will also be a lot better than this one as I get back into the swing of it. I hope anyway. 

Take care and stay sex positive my lovelies!

-          Love, TheSexTheorist xxx

[flowerfan2]

Aversion

David x Patrick, 1500 words, A03 ***The first story in my new series of Schitt’s Creek Season 5 Episode codas.

Summary:  Instead of something useful like a sense of accomplishment, doing the ropes course leaves David with bad dreams.

David’s stomach is swooping, dropping out from under him.  There’s a rush of air on his face and he reaches with his hands, unable to get a grip, his fingers touching only empty space.  There’s nothing to hold on to, nothing to stop him from falling.  He can feel himself slip, and terror overwhelms him as he falls, down, down --

“David?  David, wake up.”

The voice cuts through David’s dream and he jerks and flails, this time colliding with Patrick’s strong arms instead of empty air.

“David, it’s all right.  You’re okay.  You were having a nightmare.”

This isn’t news to David – he’s had this dream three times since Alexis made him do that stupid ropes course last week.  He had hoped that some breathtakingly good orgasms and falling asleep in Patrick’s arms would keep the dream away tonight, but he clearly underestimated the power of a nice old fashioned bad dream.  There’s a reason they feature so heavily in popular media.  Nightmares are the worst.

“David, open your eyes, it’s okay.” David forces himself to comply, focusing on Patrick’s voice and the feeling of his hands on his shoulders.  He hears the click of a light switch and squints his eyes open.  Blinking, he sees Patrick, his eyes wide with concern.  He looks away, tracking around the room, each mundane piece of furniture and old knick-knack reminding him that he’s at Ray’s house in Schitt’s Creek, not flying through the air.

“Hey,” Patrick says softly, and David’s eyes find his again.

“I’m fine,” David says reflexively.  Patrick ignores him, scooting closer and rubbing his arms and shoulders.  The touch grounds him, and he leans into it.

“Were you dreaming about the ropes course?”  Patrick asks.

“More or less.”

Patrick tilts his head in question, and David sighs.

“You’ve heard the whole sordid story now.  I don’t have the best experiences with heights.  Sometimes I dream about it, that’s all.”

David has in fact had vivid recurring nightmares about falling ever since the Anderson Cooper debacle, usually triggered by something reasonably related to heights.  There’s more than one reason that he doesn’t ski, on top of the horrible weather and incorrect clothing.

“I’m sorry your attempt to do something fun for us brought the dream back.”

“Yeah, well, whose fault is that?”  David says under his breath.  It’s his own damn brain that caused this problem.  Then something occurs to him and he brightens.  “Actually, I blame Alexis.”

“Yeah, I can’t believe she forgot about your fear of heights.”

<i>“Aversion,”</i> David reminds him, trying not to think about how pathetic he sounds.

“Shall we call her up and yell at her?”  Patrick pretends to reach for his phone, and David lets a smile escape.

“Maybe we’ll save it for the morning.  She probably turned her phone off.  Too busy with Ted’s smoothly running generator.”

Patrick snorts out a laugh and settles back down on the bed.  He holds an arm out to David, apparently expecting that things are resolved and David will be ready to be soothed back to sleep.  But while that sounds delightful, David can tell from the way his heart is still racing that sleep is not on the agenda right at this precise moment.

“I’m just going to go freshen up,” he says, ignoring Patrick’s look of confusion as he untangles his legs from the blankets and slides out of bed.  He shuts himself in Ray’s hallway bathroom and splashes some water on his face, taking deep breaths in and out, and trying not to think about dangling far above the ground.

As often happens, David’s nightmare has left him feeling overheated and shaky.  He’d like to take a shower and wrap himself in a fresh set of pajamas, but he only brought the ones he’s wearing.  He sits on the toilet seat and wills the adrenaline rushing through his body to calm the fuck down.

By the time Patrick knocks on the door, it’s far past time when he should have gone back to bed if he was anything resembling a normal person.

“David?  Can I do anything to help?”

David lets out a long breath and opens the door, hoping he looks more composed than he feels.  “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”  Patrick tilts his head back towards his room.  “I brought you something.”

David follows him back in and sits on the bed, taking the mug Patrick offers him.  It smells like cinnamon and sugar.  “What’s this?”

“Warm milk, with a little spice and vanilla.”  Patrick looks at him hopefully, so David pushes away his knee jerk reaction of “milk, ugh” and takes a sip.

Surprisingly – or maybe not, since Patrick made it for him – it’s delicious, and he says so.

Patrick smiles.  “Good.”

“Where’s yours?”  David asks.

Patrick shrugs.  “I figured we could share.”  He holds out his hand for the mug, and David gives it to him as he gets back into the bed.  Patrick joins him, and they pass the mug back and forth silently, taking small sips and sharing hesitant smiles.

“I really am impressed by what you did for us, David,” Patrick says, kissing a drop of milk off David’s lip.  “Even if Alexis tricked you into it.  That tree walk was hard.  Especially given your aversion.”  Patrick says this with genuine sincerity, not even quirking a lip.

“You said that already,” David says, deflecting.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure you heard me.”

It should be perfect and relaxing, all this attention and care, but David is just feeling more overheated and uncomfortable.  Finally he can’t stand it any longer, and shifts away from Patrick, pulling off his shirt and tossing it on the floor.  He’s too strung out to even bother putting it away, which is really saying something.

“Do you want to borrow a t-shirt?”  Patrick asks mildly.

“I’m fine,” David says, pulling the comforter up under his armpits, ignoring the way his skin prickles with goosebumps.

“I’m pretty sure you left your black sleep shirt here last weekend, if you’d like that.”

David’s desire to play it cool wars with his need to cover himself back up.  “The Ralph Lauren one?”

Patrick gets out of bed, leaving the mug on the nightstand, and goes to his drawers.  The shirt is produced, and David gratefully puts it on.  He really doesn’t like to sleep unclothed, especially not when Ray takes such a casual approach to the concept of personal space.

Patrick picks up the discarded shirt from the floor and folds it without saying a word.  Then he gets back into bed and slides one hand under his pillow, gazing at David fondly.  

“What?”  

“You could have just said, if you wanted to borrow a t-shirt.  My clothes might not be designer, but they’re not going to bite you.”

“I know that,” David says sulkily.

“Then why didn’t you-”

“Do we really need to pick apart my every insecurity right now?”  David is embarrassed at how squeaky his voice sounds, and even more at his outburst.  What is <i>wrong</i> with you, he thinks to himself.  

“No, of course not,” Patrick says, and David chooses to think of his tone as simply accommodating, not patronizing.  “I’m sorry.”

“No, fuck, I’m sorry,” David says, rolling to his side and grasping Patrick’s shoulder.  “I’m being an ass, you made me warm milk, you’re perfect, I don’t know how to do this.”  His words spill out and make no sense.

“Do what?”

“Be – together.”  <i>Not be a disaster,</I> David thinks.

“You’re doing fine,” Patrick says.  “I’m not perfect.  And you’re not either.  You don’t have to be.  It’s okay.”

“Is it, though?  I’m a mess,” David says, unable to keep his thoughts to himself.

“If people had to be perfect to be together, everyone would be alone.”

David knows Patrick is trying to reassure him, but it isn’t helping.  David doesn’t know what to say.  David is well aware of his imperfections, and they don’t lend themselves to happy endings.

“David, I don’t understand what’s wrong.”

David’s pretty sure he isn’t imagining the hint of impatience in Patrick’s voice.  Patrick likes to take care of David, but he also likes to think he’s in control of every situation.  And David’s emotional turmoil is pretty hard to control.  He needs to get a grip, now, or Patrick’s going to head for the hills sooner rather than later.

“I’m fine, I just need some sleep.  Thank you so much for the warm milk, baby.”  David leans close and presses a kiss to Patrick’s mouth, then plasters a smile on his face and wraps his arm around Patrick.

Patrick snuggles closer, and David forces himself to make his body relax.  Even if he isn’t going to be able to get back to sleep, he can shut the hell up and let Patrick get some rest.

After a few minutes, Patrick starts talking, a soft whisper into his ear.

“I’m not trying to make you tell me all your secrets, David.  You can keep things private.  We can talk about this as little or as much as you want to.  But I’m gonna do whatever I can to make you realize that when you’re ready, you can tell me.  You can say anything.  You’re safe here, David.  You’re safe with me.”

David digs his face into Patrick’s neck, overcome with emotion and trying hard not to cry.

“And for the record,” Patrick continues, a mischievous tone lightening his voice, “Ted may think he’s a smoothly running generator.  But you, David Rose, are a goddamn Ferrari.”

[neocatharsis]

The Brilliant Members of World Renowned NCT 127 Share Their Thoughts Fashion, Music, Lifestyle, Favorite Things… What Their Individual Styles Are #004 DOYOUNG

Some Excerpts, Full Interview https://mensnonno.jp/post/41109/

What Is The ‘Relaxation’ That You Embrace, DOYOUNG-san?

MN: First, let’s have everybody look at this. It is a photograph you sent to us on our request for an image in which you are relaxing in a room, DOYOUNG-san.

D :  Yes, I’m often wrapped in a quilt like this at our lodging quarters.

MN:  From your responses to the pre-interview questions, our impression of you, if you don’t our saying, is that you are a person who embraces self-care and grabbing onto a pace that is most comfortable for you.

D : Wowー

MN: The reason being, you mentioned that you enjoy lying down, which left an impression. To the question, “What do you enjoy doing the most?”, you responded, “When I’m lying down.” To the question, “What is the one thing that makes you proud?”, you answered, “To lie down.” And that we found rather interesting… This type of conversation never came up with the others and it’s unique. Can you tell us how important it is for you to rest, DOYOUNG-san?

D : More often than none, my daily schedule is set up in advance. Once I do this, then I have  to do that, and when that’s done, there is always something else to do. That’s what my daily life looks like. So, to take the time to rest, means to step a little back from such plans to give myself a moment of relief. Whether that’s to actually lie down or just to relax a bit in my room, I believe that taking a moment for rest is a very important part of life. Of course, we live within our full schedule, but being able to take a break also means that you have time to reflect on yourself. Not doing anything in particular, eating freely when you want to, sleeping when you want to… I find it is lovely and quite vital to be able to live with a little fluidity in this way.

MN:  Is it easy for you, DOYOUNG-san, to switch on and off?

D :  I think so.

MN: Nowadays,there are so many people out there who overdo it and end up losing their pace. As such, they forget to take the time to breathe.

D :  I don’t know if I can give those people any good advice or not, but I do often find myself thinking about work even when I don’t need to be thinking about it. That’s probably why I think that it is better to find ways to minimize the time I’m overly immersed. The more I think about wanting to do things well or getting things right, it just makes it more difficult to switch on and off, and I wind up getting immersed in it all over again. Wouldn’t it be so much easier if we could consciously control when we do things and when we don’t? Even though it’s so difficult…

MN: Then, in contrary, when you go out and are switched “on” and in contact with people, do you have an ideal as far as how you want to spend that time?

D : Let’s see. When I’m spending time as an ‘idol’, an entertainer, I think it’s easy to forget to be considerate or to care about others, and yet, I want to be a person who can care about others right in front of me and around me as much as possible. So, I try my best to give back as much as I can to all the people around me who are there to help me. This may sound a bit no-nonsense, but I actually like to do things like that, and honestly, I also think it’s easier than to have others be concerned about you. Besides, by doing so, the atmosphere becomes serene and the air has a relaxed flow to it, so I believe to be considerate of others is something that is necessary for your own self. “On” or “off”, serenity is important.

As A Vocalist, What Is It That You Pour Your Heart And Soul Into?

MN: We’d like to ask you about the artist DOYOUNG. To the question, “Please list three things that make up who you are”, you listed, “Song, the fans’ hearts, those who constantly support me”, and you brought up ‘song’ first.

D : Yes, I did. Singing is very important to me.

MN: Could you tell us the NCT 127 song that you would like us to especially focus on for your voice, DOYOUNG-san?

D : I would be pleased if you would listen to the song “Make Your Day”. As you know, most of our songs are based on hip-hop. The lead track for our album is so, and the songs we perform on television shows are also so. As such, for those who don’t know much about our group, there may not be many opportunities for them to hear my voice in a ballad. Even though ballads are hard to sing, they are definitely worth doing, and I also think NCT 127 has beautiful ballads. We go through so much trial and error during recording sessions, challenging ourselves to a lot of things, like using different types of voices and different singing styles. We learn so much every single time. That’s why I would really like to emphasize this song for the readers, not so much for my voice alone, but rather the minute details throughout the song, like care that went into the chorus section and the feel-good atmosphere throughout the song we put effort into creating. Different from a laid-back song with a laid-back feel when singing each bar, I would love for everyone to experience the attention to sincerity and sensitivity that comes through the entire score.”

MN:  Your buildup of discipline as a vocalist shows through. It appears you have also uploaded a bunch of cover songs.

D : Thank you very much. If I were to select one of those songs, it would be “Mine” by Bazzi. It was the first cover song I shared with everybody. The reason why I chose this song is because even if I were to be asked to redo it, I honestly don’t think I can. Back then, I worked hard to train for it, because it was the first time ever for me to challenge myself to do a cover song. There were so many things I didn’t know about, including how to complete the visuals, and yet I feel like that awkwardness really makes it what it is. For that aspect, this song is unforgettable to me.

MN: How wonderful that you impress on what’s good at that time, even though you may have been less experienced than you are now. What points make you want to choose to sing a cover song, DOYOUNG-san?

D : I personally want to try all kinds of songs. You might say that cover songs are a content that allows me to personally and freely challenge myself. That is why I have the desire to try out all kinds of songs, and at the same time, show a different side of myself in comparison to the artist I am when doing our original songs. I also feel like I have to tailor how I sing when doing a cover song. So, I choose the songs while thinking, “How do I want to challenge myself to sing in a way that I can show the best of myself as an individual?

MN:  In addition to Bazzi, you have done cover songs regardless of whether they are by male or female artists, and you’ve given them all an originality. Perhaps everyone is waiting for a Japanese song…?

D :  Thank you very much. Actually… I was just thinking about that!

MN:  Now that’s something to look forward to. 

Please Tell Us What Is Important To You In Connection With Your Fans!

MN: With regard to your source of inspiration for creative work, you answered, “All the fans”. For the question earlier on what makes up who you are, you also brought up “the hearts of all the fans”. It seems like you have very strong feelings about their existence.

D : With the situation as it is now, we are not able to directly meet with our fans. Of course, the best way to feel their strong connection is to meet with them directly, see them, and listen to their voices as they cheer us on. However, even though we are not able to see the fans right now, they have continued to send us a lot of messages online, visuals of their support, sharing their thoughts with us in so many different ways. It is truly touching, and should I say, inspirational… or even uplifting. It helps us to keep going on. And their messages in support consist of truly beautiful words. You can tell that they have taken the time to carefully put together these words that give us so much strength. It is a beautiful method of doing so that we have learned from them.

MN: Now then, DOYOUNG-san, when you send out a message to your fans via SNS, what do you find is most important?

D : The fans send us messages full of beautiful words. Therefore, I always want to send back messages in the same way. So, even though it may be a subtle word here and there, I always want to make the words more beautiful as I share them with the fans.

MN: So, when you said earlier about your policy, “So, I try my best to give back as much as I can to all the people around me who are there to help me”, it’s all connected.

D :  Yes, it is. I want to give back as much of my genuine heart as they have shown to me.

MN: So, the next time we get to enjoy your concert offline, you will be able to share your feelings directly with the fans. What kind of staging are you hoping to share?

D :  For now, a simple one. I mean, what we really want is to see our fans face-to-face. So, when we are able to do a concert for the first time in a long time, it would be fantastic if we could create something together. Of course, NCT 127 will perform the actual concert, but, for example, creating an element of the staging with the fans… Mmm… maybe even collaborating on something.”

MN: So, you mean something like incorporating a corner for fans to participate in?

D : Yes, exactly! How fun it would be to do a concert like that.

What Is The Balance Between Challenging Yourself And Protecting Your Own Pace?

MN: You wrote the words, “I hope you are able to feel a sense of accomplishment” with regard to “a memorable piece of advice you received from somebody.” This is probably not something you are able to feel very often. What do you find is necessary in order to reach that state?

D : There is something that I find more valuable than the passion to keep pressing on or to continue to challenge myself. What I myself lack, what parts of myself are imperfect, and what I really need to work on… these are things I am already aware of. For example, “100 percent” is a basic numerical value that is placed on exhibiting what a perfect state is. I feel that to be a professional means that I must place my efforts on achieving that 100 percent if that number is lacking within myself. It’s only natural and cannot be taken for granted. It may be warranted, but because I am aware of how I lack in experience and where I fall short, I don’t just passionately push forward or frantically try to achieve something. My desire is to be someone who can fill in the gaps with a level head and protect the fundamental parts. In order to do so, I feel the right thing to do is to steadily accomplish what one needs to do.

MN: You have your own balance between the passionate and the sensible stance. Regarding your motto, you wrote, “To be yourself as you live your life.” This also seems to connect to the stance in which you value how important it is to find your own pace. What do you say to that?

D : Yes, I agree. I feel that someone who really knows who they are, or is able to fully understand oneself is what is called an adult, and that is also what I meant by writing, “I want to be myself as I live my life.” This also means to know what you are really good at and working hard as you bring that to the table. You can’t simply force yourself to do what you can’t do. I believe these words also exhibit the determination to live as your own self.

MN:  I see. That makes a lot of sense. Further expanding on being yourself, your response of “My room which is neatly organized,” in response to the landscape that symbolizes who you are… this has also left quite an impression. You also provided a separate photograph from the one in the beginning. You were the only person who mentioned your own room in response to this question, DOYOUNG-san. You appear to have a consistent emphasis on how to be comfortable.

D :  To be tidy and live in comfort… how do I explain this… it’s a tiny little wish of mine and I am willing to put the effort in order to achieve it.

MN:  In response to the question, “What types of places or atmosphere do you like?” you wrote, “A place where I can relax with a suitable temperature.” When we first read that response, we felt that mentioning the temperature really shows how you are particular about space. Having listened to you now, it all makes sense.

D : I’m sure it can get messy in the day-to-day, but I like to keep my room as organized as possible for my own self.

How Do You See Your Group Objectively?

MN: You responded, “to be as one and tread forward” to what is vital for NCT 127. Additionally, to “Please tell us what you find wonderful about the group,” you wrote, “The way in which we help each other as we work hard to achieve our goals.” It can’t be very easy to protect your own pace and maintain teamwork at the same time, which are very important to you …

D : With regard to the key in maintaining teamwork, more than anything, I think it is important to have the same dream. By having the same goal in the end, even if we have small arguments or fights in between because our methods are slightly different, I think we are able to put our efforts together in the long run in order to achieve that dream. Having one dream together as team members, this is very important.”

MN: Are there any memorable words/phrases or occurrences from spending time with your members?

D : I feel there is so much to learn from each and every member, respectively. I’m certain there are actual words from each member that have been wonderful, but more importantly, I think the way we subconsciously breathe as one while watching one another on a daily basis… this is bigger than any words I could bring up. This of course applies to dancing and singing, our areas of specialty as artists, but I also feel there are wonderful aspects of life that each and every one of us has, respectively. I mean, we all have different personalities. So, it’s like, this member may be better at this and that member may be better at that. All of this inclusive, from the way we all live, I believe that we all learn from each other daily, like at times like this, we should think this way or do things in this way.”

MN: For what has had the most impact on you other than the members of NCT 127, you also mentioned, “SM (SM ENTERTAINMENT＝NCT 127’s talent agency)”. In what way has it had an impact on you?

D :  I love music and have listened to SM’s music since I was a child. So, I can honestly say that it has been SM’s music that has had an impact on me in that it gave me the interest and guided me towards the path to entertainment, as well as helped to create the person that I am today. If we are talking about what made me interested in show business and entertainment itself, then yes, Korean music and culture has helped me to grow as an artist who sings songs. There are so many artists that I look up to from Korea. The way they live, the words they share, even a photo alone, I feel that the many things I can learn from are scattered throughout these aspects as I connect to the music as a vocalist right now.”

What Is Your ‘Authentic Self”, DOYOUNG-san?

MN:  Finally, we have asked this of all the members, but what would you say, DOYOUNG-san’s “My Own Style” is?

D :  That would have to be “My way”. When you hear the words “my way”, I think you get the image that you’re doing everything it is you want or living your life as you want. My current style is exactly that, “my way”. The reason being, as time has passed since our debut, there was a period in time when I thought, “why am I the way I am” in comparison to others. Like I was looking at myself through the basis of others. But after that period of time, and now, I’ve come to be able to think, “Oh, I’ll just do what I want.” I’ll do what I do best and what I’m good at… that it’s okay to show what I am able to show and that’s it. That I’ll live my “authentic-self”… I’ve been able to arrive at that point in the way I think and so, now, my way is my own style.”

MN: My way is my own style! What a great way to end. Thank you very much. Time’s up for the interview, so if we could close with a word from you to our readers.

D :  I would like to express my deepest gratitude to MEN’S NON-NO for introducing us to the fans and for giving us the opportunity to speak to our fans in depth.

MN: Oh, no, that’s way too kind of you; we too thank you…

D : “NCT 127 is so grateful to have this opportunity, especially since we are all under circumstances that prevent us from being able to go to Japan and see our fans in person, even though we really want to. Although we cannot see each other now, we are trying to find all the ways to make it possible to communicate with you. So, we hope that you will continue to expect more from us in the future, and I would like to end by saying that the more you expect from us, the more we will expect from ourselves, so that we use our efforts to be able to respond to all of you in the best way possible.

MN: We pray that NCT 127 and the fans can reunite soon. Thank you for sharing so much with us today.

D : (in Japanese) “Thank you very much and thank you for your hard work!”

What dream would you like to achieve in your life other than music?

I want to live in happiness with the good people around me.

[erics-meep-morps]

Stars in the Daytime Part 2

A self-ship fic with Lapis and Peridot

Part 1 here. 

Summary: I’ve always wanted to see space, and with the help of Peridot and Pearl they build me a spacesuit. Lapis carries me and Peridot comes along as we fly into the cosmos. I will note this fic isn’t quite scientifically accurate, but I hope it’s still a good story for you to read. 💙💚

We swiftly flew through up in the air, and I made sure not to look down so I wouldn’t get anxiety. I don’t have a fear of heights, but being so high in an open environment makes me a little tense. Of course it was highly unlikely I would somehow fall, and even if I did Lapis or Peridot could easily catch me long before I was anywhere near the ground.

“Doing okay,” Lapis asked me.

I looked at her and felt my heart jump a little seeing her hair blow gracefully in the breeze. “Never better,” I said with a smile and blushing.

Lapis blushed and giggled.

After a little bit we broke through some cloud cover.

“Hm, there’s a plane over there,” Lapis pointed out.

I looked in the direction she was looking and noticed it right away. It was a safe distance away, but still close enough that I could see what airline it was and the type of plane.

“Empire Airlines. Since it’s an Airbus A350 it’s probably on its way from London or Paris to Empire City.”

“Powered by two Rolls-Royce Trent XWB turbofans,” Peridot added.

Lapis and I were surprised when she said this and looked at her curiously.

“What? Eric’s interest in jet propulsion passenger carriers got me curious in them.”

“I just realized this trip will probably be boring for both of you since, you know, you two can easily fly into space anytime. Plus it’s going to take awhile with not much to see besides that plane,” I said.

“Oh it’s no problem. We’ve done long trips before, and there’s nothing wrong with peaceful quietness,” Lapis said.

“But feel free to start a conversation anytime,” Peridot mentioned.

“And obviously if something’s wrong let us know,” Lapis added.

“Will do,” I replied. I think they had said that a few times already, but I knew they wanted to keep me safe.

An hour later the sky was becoming darker. “Pretty soon we’ll be in space,” Lapis said.

“Technically speaking anything around us is space,” Peridot pointed out.

Lapis grunted. “Okay, we’re almost in the space above Earth with a bunch of stars and stuff.”

“That’s... slightly more accurate.”

“Doing okay, Eric,” Lapis asked.

“I sure am,” I replied while staring at the sky as it became darker. Soon after I could start to see stars, a slightly weird feeling since it was 12 PM. I then looked to Lapis, as I always enjoyed watching her hair flow through the breeze. She looked down at me and smiled, and I smiled back while nestling into her for comfort.

“Welcome to the cosmos,” Lapis said and kissed me on the forehead.

“I’ve been on many adventures before, but this is something entirely new,” I said.

“We’re happy to give you this experience,” Peridot said and kissed me on the forehead too. She then checked the oxygen level in the tank. “There’s enough to get a decent ways out so you get a good view of Earth.”

“I really wish I could kiss you both right now, but for obvious reasons I can’t do that,” I said with a chuckle.

Lapis and Peridot smiled. “When we get back to Earth you can give us as many kisses as you want,” Lapis said.

For a few hours as we gracefully flew through space we talked about all the stars, planets, and galaxies Lapis and Peridot had seen before they started living on Earth. For them it was like seeing other countries; far away but no problem to get to by flight, or sometimes in their case warp pad.

“When I was a kid I wanted to visit Saturn, but of course under the conditions on that planet I probably wouldn’t last a minute. The next best thing for me was buying a telescope so I could see Saturn’s rings from Earth, which is pretty huge for me in itself.”

“Even though we can’t get you to Saturn, we can show you planets that are accessible via warp pad and have hospitable conditions for humans,” Peridot offered.

“That would be amazing,” I said with a few tears starting to form in my eyes.

“You okay,” Lapis asked with slight concern.

“I just wish I could show you two something amazing, but I don’t think there’s anything that comes close to this.”

“Awww babe, what about Earth? You’ve seen many places there that we haven’t,” Lapis pointed out.

“Yeah! We’ve only visited a microscopic amount of Earth’s surface. I’m sure you can show us the diverse places Earth has to offer,” Peridot added.

“That’s true. I would love to show all the places I’ve seen and visit new places with you two.”

“We look forward to it, but right now we want to show you something,” Lapis said. Her and Peridot stopped flying and turned towards Earth.

There it was before my eyes, the blue and green ball that is humanity’s home and the only home we’ve ever known.

“And now you can be one-hundred percent certain Earth isn’t flat,” Peridot commented.

“Peridot, sometimes I wonder if you spend too much time on the internet,” Lapis said.

“Hey, I’m getting better at not debating people on the internet who are clearly wrong.”

“I suppose. Anyways, what do you think Eric?”

“I remember you two telling me about previously thinking Earth was a miserable rock, and to be honest... sometimes I’ve felt that way too. Earth and especially humanity are far from perfect, and I’ve done my best to accept those imperfections about the planet and humans including myself. I think seeing Earth from this perspective with my own eyes definitely helps for me to view my home more positively. I’m rambling at this point, but it’s just... beautiful. I don’t know what else to say about what I see right now.”

“I’m sure it’s a little overwhelming seeing something that only a small number of humans have seen,” Peridot said.

“It is. I’ve always seen my home planet from the ground or from a plane so it’s always been huge, but from here it’s like a grain of sand on the beach. From a universal perspective it’s insignificant, but for humanity it’s everything to us. It feels wonderful to experience this, and you know what’s more wonderful? The fact that out of all the places in the cosmos you two could’ve been, it ended up being Earth and we managed to cross paths.”

Peridot sniffled. “If your objective was to make us cry then consider it accomplished,” she said while wiping away tears.

Lapis let go of me for a quick second and then tightly hugged Peridot and I. “That was beautiful Eric. I had a rough beginning on Earth, but I came out of it smiling and feeling glad to be here. Thank you, both of you.” For a minute we floated in silence and embraced each other. 

“Not to break up this beautiful moment, but didn’t Pearl want us to take a picture,” Peridot asked.

Lapis and I laughed. “We might look a little gross after this emotional moment, but sure let’s do it,” Lapis said and took out her phone. With smiles and Earth in the background we took a picture.

“Want to record a short video so you can always look back on this,” Peridot asked.

“That’s a good idea, even though I’ll probably be awkward since I’m not sure what to say.”

“It’s alright. Just speak your mind,” Lapis said and started recording.

“Hello friends and family. As you can see behind me, that is Earth, and I’m in a spacesuit. No this is not a green screen, this is real even if you don’t believe it. With the assistance of my two wonderful partners Lapis and Peridot-”

“Sup,” Lapis said simply and then pointed the camera at Peridot.

“Greetings,” Peridot said, and then Lapis pointed the camera back at me.

“As well as the assistance of our good friend Pearl, I have achieved something I wanted to do at least once in my life, and it’s something not many humans have done. I’m in space, out in the infinite cosmos looking down at the only home humanity has ever known. It’s been an amazing and emotional experience for us.”

“I only cried a little,” Peridot mentioned.

I chuckled. “Anyways, thank you to them, and I hope this video finds you well. Take care.”

“Very nice,” Lapis said after stopping the recording.

“So uhh, now what,” Peridot asked.

“If you want we can just float around out here until you’re ready to go back to Earth,” Lapis said.

“That sounds good, as long as there’s enough oxygen,” I said.

Peridot checked the oxygen level. “Yep, you’re good.”

“You know what would be fun? Space cuddling,” I suggested with a slight blush.

Lapis giggled. “No matter where you are you’re in the mood for cuddling,” she said and held me. With me in the middle and Lapis and Peridot holding me, we looked around at the cosmos. There wasn’t any significant stars or planets to see, but it was still a beautiful view and the setting felt right for cuddling. Best of all was virtually no chance of our peaceful snuggling being interrupted.

It was so peaceful that we ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms. Peridot was the first to wake up, smiling at the fact all three of us were still holding each other. However, she suddenly became concerned and looked at my oxygen level. It took around 6 hours to get where we were, and now there was enough supply for 5 hours.

“Psst, guys, wake up,” Peridot said and shook Lapis and I.

For a moment I forgot we were in space, but it was nice opening my eyes to the stars and my partners by my side.

“I don’t want to alarm you but... Eric doesn’t have enough oxygen to make it back to Earth unless we fly a little faster and Eric is conservative with his breathing.”

“Oh jeez. Alright, let’s get you home,” Lapis said and once again held me tight. We sped towards Earth, and very slowly the planet grew bigger.

“See you later cosmos,” I said.

Lapis smiled. “Pretty amazing, right?”

“Oh my stars it was everything I could’ve hoped for. Well, besides my oxygen running low,” I said with a forced chuckle. I was slightly panicking but I knew I couldn’t breathe heavily.

“Do your best to remain calm, okay,” Peridot instructed.

I nodded, and nestled into Lapis to help myself remain relaxed. She took my hand and squeezed it gently.

The stars didn’t fade however, as it was night time when we were close to Earth.

Peridot checked the oxygen level again, and it was close to empty. We still had about an hour before reaching a level of the atmosphere where I wouldn’t need an oxygen tank.

Even though it was a scary situation, it was also exhilarating as we flew through the air at an incredible speed. If the human body could handle it I’m sure Lapis would be flying at supersonic speed.

“We’re almost there, buddy. Hang on,” Lapis said.

I nodded. “Not to be dramatic but I love you both so much,” I said calmly.

“There will be plenty of time to express your love for us when we get to a safe altitude,” Peridot said.

We were very close, but it was beginning to get difficult to breathe. Not terribly difficult, but I definitely noticed a change as the oxygen tank was nearly empty.

Soon after Peridot noticed a red light blinking, which indicated there was no more oxygen. “Just a little bit closer,” Peridot said nervously.

I tried holding my breath but it didn’t work for long, and I began coughing.

“Are we close enough now,” Lapis asked Peridot hastily.

“I hope so. Take his helmet off,” Peridot replied.

They slowed down and Lapis carefully took off the helmet. “Are you still with us Eric,” Lapis asked as she stroked my cheek.

I was still coughing a little but it felt relieving getting that helmet off. I nodded and tried to give a thumbs up but I was too weak. The further down we went the easier it became to breathe, and my cough eventually subsided. We were close enough to the surface that we could see Beach City clearly.

“Fuck that was scary,” Lapis said and sighed.

“Ugh, I knew we should’ve built an extra oxygen tank just in case. I could’ve easily carried it,” Peridot said frustratingly. 

“That was fucking incredible,” I said lightly with a smirk.

Lapis and Peridot looked at me with a surprised expression. Lapis giggled and then began to laugh. Her laugh was always contagious and I started laughing too.

“Are you clods out of your minds?! This was insane,” Peridot shouted.

After I calmed from laughing I took Peridot’s hand. “It’s okay. I’m here. It was a little bit of a close call, but we’re all okay,” I said and gently squeezed Peridot’s hand.

She sighed and hugged me. “If we ever do this again we’re bringing three oxygen tanks and one of us has to stay awake the whole trip.”

I chuckled and returned the hug. “Of course. Though I think I’ll take a break from space travel for awhile.”

“We should probably get you some food. Aren’t you hungry,” Lapis asked.

“Absolutely starving,” I replied.

Lapis chuckled. “Alright, there’s some leftover Fish Stew Pizza with your name on it.”

“Literally, since I wrote your name on it before we left,” Peridot said.

After landing on the beach Lapis set me down, but as I tried to stand my legs wobbled. I was hungry, dehydrated, and weak from the intense return trip to Earth. Lapis quickly picked me back up. “Let’s get you inside,” she said and gave me a soft smile.

After getting food and a lot of water in me, we chatted with Pearl about our space adventure. Although she was horrified when we told her about the close call coming back to Earth, she was relieved and happy that I still had an amazing experience. Even though I said I was going to take a break from space travel for awhile, I was still thinking about how amazing it’ll be to set foot on other planets. For now though, I just wanted to snuggle with my partners on the couch and have a deep and long sleep. With how exhausting the trip was it didn’t take long for all of us to fall asleep. 

Thank you for reading!

[brotbrotbrotlamb]

pocky

by breadandlamb

warnings: none

words: 1.6k

lamb, bread and their friends play the pocky game. meanwhile, xiaolongbao does not regret a single thing.

in case you are confused, the food names are pseudonyms for actual people. you can tell i was (and still am) hungry.

"what did you even have planned?" pudding asks xiaolongbao, raising her eyebrows. "you couldn't possibly have expected us to play mafia forever, could you?"

"dude, relax," xiaolongbao replies flippantly, disappearing from the room and reappearing with two boxes of chocolate pocky in her hands. she turns to the other nine people in the room and exclaims, "we're gonna play the pocky game now! aren't i such a genius, guys?"

there's a mixed response; half of the people, knowing what it was, either groaned loudly or demanded a change of game, while the other half just stared blankly at their host.

"what's," gelato finally asks, "the pocky game?"

"oh, it's like really simple—" "we're not playing that!" "shuddup, jalapeño!" "—spin the bottle—" "no way am i—" "—eat two ends of pocky—" "what the fuc—"

"what," gelato deadpans, before holding his hands out. "be quiet, you guys! i can't even hear xiaolongbao!"

"it's like spin the bottle but the two people chosen will have to eat a— eat a po— oh my god," jelly starts to explain, but doesn't get halfway through before facepalming hard. "xiaolongbao, must we really?"

"yes," xiaolongbao tells her, trying to hide the most devious smile on her face. "yes, we must. i am the host and you must listen to me, okay?"

"wait, so what happens after?"

"what do you mean?"

"what's the aim of the game?"

"whoever pulls away first will have to do a forfeit," xiaolongbao says, "which is decided by the other person." the room once again descends into chaos as the five boys and five girls attempt to talk over one another. "okay, guys, guys! if you can't stand it, we'll just play one round. one round, okay?"

"that doesn't really make it better, you know," durian narrows his eyes.

"xiaolongbao, i swear to god you have some trick up your sleeve!" lamb accuses, pointing an index finger at her friend. said friend's grin widens upon hearing her words, before she coughs conspicuously and denies it. "no, i really don't trust xiaolongbao."

"c'mon, guys, it's just one round," pudding persuades, "it won't hurt."

after three very loud minutes of arguing and talking over each other, they decide to play just one round by a majority vote.

(xiaolongbao is positively screaming on the inside.)

her lips trembling with the effort with which she's concealing her smile, she places the empty, opaque bottle down on the floor. resting her two hands on the opposite ends of the bottle, she pushes it in two different directions, sending it spinning wildly.

"oh my god, if it's me, i will leave this room."

"don't be a spoilsport, sorbet."

as the bottle slows down, the group of friends gathered in a circle tense noticeably, with some holding their breath as if awaiting a verdict. the tip of the bottle points at kimchi... at pudding... at durian... at bread...

it stops, pointing directly at bread.

said guy lets out a "WHAT THE FUCK" and slams his fist against the rug as the others around him either start cackling, patting his back while thanking god it wasn't them, or praying that the next one wouldn't be them.

"if the next one isn't lamb, i'm giving up on christianity."

"YOU'RE NOT EVEN CHRISTIAN."

"of course i'm not christian, i'm gelato."

"oh my god shut up."

"bread SPIN THE BOTTLE!"

all eyes are on the bottle as it turns, the atmosphere somehow tenser than before.

"bread, that was a really bad spin."

"what the—"

"oh my god oh my god it's nearing me!"

"shut up and watch!"

"fuck no make it move! don't stop! don't stop here!"

"wait, guys, it's moving to lamb!"

"no, it's not! it's going to stop at jelly!"

"daughter, stop lying!"

"you stop lying, mom!"

there's a moment in which the world itself seems to wait with bated breath as the bottle slows down, the tip pointing to a point right in the middle of jelly and lamb. then there's a small inch towards lamb— "NO, DON'T STOP AT ME! NO!"— another infinitesimal increment, before it finally halts, just a millimeter or two away from the centre. 

"HOLY SHIT, LEAD!"

"IT'S FATE!"

"KISS! KISS! KISS!"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"NO NO NO NO NO NO—"

"LEAD IS THE BEST SHIT— I MEAN SHIP—"

"LEAD!"

"I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU!"

"i'm leaving the room," lamb announces, getting to her feet and making a run for the door, only to nearly trip after xiaolongbao grabs her ankles. "what the HELL, XIAOLONGBAO! I COULD HAVE FALLEN!"

"you have to keep your promise!" xiaolongbao finds it too hard to even attempt to hide her grin. handing the other girl, whose expression is a strange mix of fury, absolute mortification and excitement, the bag of pocky, xiaolongbao hoves her lightly in the direction of the middle of the circle, where bread's desperately trying to crawl away from. "lamb! it was fate! just hurry up!"

"do it already!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA," lamb lets out an almost guttural scream, silencing the entire room immediately. she looks surprised herself. "oh. i didn't mean that. i just needed to let out my emotions."

"YOUR LOVE FOR BREAD, YOU MEAN!"

"SHUT UP, KIMCHI, I WILL STAB YOU—"

it takes a few more minutes of screaming and shoving before the two chosen ones are finally standing opposite each other, both of their eyes averted. lamb's cheeks are flushed and completely red, as if she spread crimson matte lipstick all over her face and left it to dry, while bread— the author would like to add a disclaimer at this point that she has never seen bread in person except 4.11 so she has absolutely no idea how he would react under these circumstances, but we can all dream and hope that he is internally dying while trying to be stone-faced.

"uh, just saying, no awkward feelings later, rig—"

"THEY'RE SO CU—"

"shut UP AND DON'T INTERRUPT THEIR MOMENT!"

lamb's face grows steadily redder while bread sends his best death glare at the person who had dared disrupt them. 

"duh, no awkward feelings," he says, before motioning to the pocky between your fingers. "let's just hurry up. i can forfeit if you want."

"okay, i'll just give you an easy forfeit."

"THAT'S CHEATING—"

"SHUT UP MAN!"

lamb shakily places the coated end of the pocky into her mouth as bread moves forward and takes the other, uncoated end into his. the "spectators" observe every single miniscule movement, not wanting to miss a single moment. hell, three people even have their phones out and recording.

the first bite sends a shockwave through the room. then another. and another. and another, until their faces are mere centimetres apart and lamb and bread can both see the tiny imperfections on each other's skin. 

lamb's eyes widen slightly, as if to say to bread, "your turn. you can forfeit now." she even starts to tilt backwards a little, fully preparing for the moment bread lets go and declares that he has forfeited.

(however, there's a little gleam in his eye that she catches far too late.

"i lied," he suddenly says, before smiling and placing his hands on her waist. he captures her lips in a searing kiss, much to the thunderous applause in the room.

he then leans back, leaving lamb completely blown away and breathless. "you're so sweet, baby sheep—")

SIKE, YOU THIRSTY LEAD SHIPPERS! THEY MIGHT BE EIGHTEEN BUT I AM NOT ABOUT TO WRITE A KISS SCENE BECAUSE WHAT THE HECK THAT IS SO WEIRD :no: DO NOT CROSS THAT LINE

in reality, bread lets go and announces that he has forfeited.

"NOOOOOO!"

"BREAD YOU WEAK ASS—"

"YOU SHOULD HAVE KISSED!"

"LEAD! LEAD!"

"shut up, you all," lamb forces out, somehow looking shakier than she did before she started. xiaolongbao supposes it's because the events of the day are starting to truly sink in. "anyway, bread, your dare… uh… is to pick up the rug and roll it around yourself."

"that's such a boring dare—"

"duh, they're lovers, lamb wouldn't hurt bread!"

"too soft!"

ignoring the commentary, bread reaches down to lift the rug up. suddenly, he freezes, narrowing his eyes at where he sat before.

" xiaolongbao..." he says slowly, almost menacingly, "care to explain why there is a magnet exactly where i sat just now as well as where lamb sat just now?"

eight pairs of eyes turn to look at the ground, where two objects, obviously magnets with their red and blue poles, lie on the ground, previously covered by the mat.

"holy shit, is that why the bottle—"

"OH SHIT, BYE, GOTTA RUN!" xiaolongbao throws the door open and storms downstairs, her footsteps echoing throughout the corridor like a raging herd of buffalo.

“XIAOLONGBAO I WILL MURDER YOUR STUPID ASS!"

"XIAOLONGBAO GET THE FUCK BACK HERE—"

xiaolongbao cackles while she slips on her shoes. "YOU GUYS STILL FELL FOR IT THOUGH!"

she's mildly concerned, seeing the faces of lamb and bread, both distorted from extreme fury, rushing straight for her.

but you know what? though she might be murdered in a few more seconds by a pair of raging lovebirds, she doesn't regret her decision at all. not a single bit. especially because it's lead.

taglist: @slippinglasses​ @danishmiilk​ 

[eatsleepandsupernatural]

No Second Chances

Part 2

Pairings: Dean Winchester! Dad x Reader

Warnings: self-doubt, negative body image, eating disorder, anxiety/depression, mention of suicide, fluff

Word Count: 1873

A/N: Hi everyone, this is the second and last part of ‘No Second Chances’. I’m so sorry about the delay, things haven’t been running all that smoothly here, and I haven’t had time to write. I hope you enjoy this little piece. XX

Read the first part here: No Second Chances

The words echoed through your head, reaffirming years of self-doubt.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“I said you weren’t ready.”

“You could have been killed.”

“You just aren’t strong enough.”

“What would you have done if you had been caught?”

Your Dad had made himself very clear when you had arrived back at the bunker. He was mad, justifiably so. For the past week, the two of you had been silently co-existing, too much tension remaining from the night of the incident to behave normally around each other. The morning after, Sam and Cas left to attend to the case that they had been forced to abandon, leaving you and Dean in the bunker to sort things out.

You had spent the majority of the week in your bedroom, only coming out to grab an apple when you were hungry and to use the bathroom. You expected today to be exactly the same. You stretched your arms as you step out of bed, the smell of cooked breakfast hit your nose as soon you opened your door. You approached the kitchen warily, unsure of what mood your father would be in. You stopped in the doorway and watched as Dean expertly flipped over pancakes with one hand and placed cooked bacon onto a plate with another. He picked up two glasses of orange juice, turning around to carry them to the table.

Your Dad smiled when he spotted you watching him. “Hey Kiddo, I was just about to call you. Have a seat.” Your Dad turned back to collect the plates as you sat down at the table. Your heart thumped, and your chest tightened, apprehension rolling off you in waves. You wiped your sweaty palms on you pyjama pants as you Dad sat down across from you with a big grin, one you struggled to return.

Dean made meaningless conversation while you eat, but your thoughts were elsewhere. You still hadn’t forgiven yourself and seeing him so happy just made you feel guilty for causing him pain in the first place. You threw him half-hearted smiles and nods when called for as he described a movie he recently watched in great detail. Once you had finished half of the food, your Dad had served onto your plate, you pushed it away and stood up.

“Thanks for breakfast, Dad, I’m full.”

Your Dad glanced up at you with raised eyebrows, “You haven’t been eating much lately, holed up in that room. Normally you eat bacon like you need it to breathe,” He leaned forward, one arm resting on the table in front of him while the other waved around in the air as he spoke.

You internally grimaced, his concern only heightening the guilt consuming you. “I really am full Dad. Gotta go take a shower.” You turned your back on your Dad and head for the bathroom, eager to wash away your feelings

You revelled in the feeling of the water hitting your face, washing away the tears as soon as they come. Despite the tears, you were at peace in the shower, it had always been a place where you would go to relax. At this moment you found yourself crying for your mum, craving the sound and caring advice she would always give when you felt less than human. Your mum always knew how to make you feel like you deserved to live.

After finally stepping out of the shower, you stood in front of the mirror and criticised every imperfection that you could see. You cursed at yourself for eating so much breakfast, you couldn’t risk putting on any more weight.

You got dressed and didn’t hesitate to take refuge in your room once more; however, you couldn’t ignore the anxiety growing in your chest. Your Dad making breakfast this morning was a clear sign that he was ready to clear the waters and move on. It wouldn’t be too long before he was knocking on your door asking to talk. You couldn’t stop the tears, and you curled up in a ball, wishing more than anything that you could be normal. Not only do you fail at being a daughter, but you also simply fail at living. You were constantly hurting your loved ones and yourself. You were so tired of making mistakes that you decided that this would be the last mistake you let yourself recover from. You were a burden on your family, and you knew that they would be happier without you anyway.

The knock at the door echoed through the room, and you froze in fear. Your Dad let himself in when you responded with a disgruntled yes.

“Hey sweetheart, thought it might be a good idea if we talked. You up for a chat?” Your Dad stood in the doorway of your room while he waited for a reply. When he didn’t get one, he moved closer to your bed and placed a gentle hand on your arm. “Kiddo, what’s wrong?”

You cried at the sound of his gentle tone and clenched your eyes shut. Now that he knew you’re upset, he wasn’t going to leave you alone until he knew that you felt better.

Just like you knew he would, your Dad slid onto the bed next to you and pulled you into his side. You immediately reacted, turning around under the covers to hide your face in his chest.

“We can stay like this for as long as you want, but we will have to talk eventually.” Your Dad said, rubbing his hand up and down your arm. You didn’t respond, just pressed further into his side, seeking the comfort he had always provided. The warmth your Dad gave you was enough to relax you, and you soon found yourself in a losing battle against sleep.

When you woke up, you were still curled up next to your Dad, one arm wrapped around you. Your Dad was frowning at his laptop and tapping the neck of his beer bottle with his index finger with a sigh, he placed it on the side table next to your bed.

“Another case?” You asked, raising your eyebrows when he startled.

“Could be. You feeling any better? You were out for five hours.” He closed the laptop halfway and gave you his full attention.  

You squirmed a little, but the arm wrapped around your shoulders is firm and held you in place. You took a deep breath and thought carefully about what you should say. He would know if you lied, so that’s out of the cards, but you definitely couldn’t tell him the truth. “I was just a little overwhelmed, and I still feel terrible about what I did, but yea, I’m okay. I’m sorry.”

You mentally crossed your fingers that your answer was good enough for him, but when you saw his eyes narrow, you knew that you were out of luck.

“I’m sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed, why didn’t you talk to me? I’ve been trying to talk to get you to talk to me for the past week.” Your Dad struggled to keep his voice even, and you worried that there was something else bothering him.

“It’s fine Dad, really. It was a one-time thing, nothing to talk to you about. I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me after what I did.” You turned away from your Dad, instead choosing to pay close attention to the duvet covering you. It was silent for longer than you had expected as your Dad decided how to reply.

“Do you remember that time you ate my pie?” Dean asked.

Your head whipped back up to your Dad’s face, his mouth pulled into a smirk; however, the dull emotion in his eyes did not match the smile.

“I remember you accusing me of eating your pie. It was probably Sam.” You replied without missing a beat, and your Dad let out a small laugh before his face rid itself of all expression.

“I decided that considering you’re my daughter, you would probably never admit it so the best way to get to the truth would be to install cameras in the kitchen.” You tensed, knowing where this was going, and he glanced down at you. “This week had me curious, so I have been watching the footage. Turns out that if Sam, Cas or I aren’t feeding you, you aren’t eating.”

You remained silent, ignoring the fiery gaze burning into the side of your face. You thought that maybe if you ignored it for long enough, it would disappear.

You were wrong.

“(Y/N), it’s okay, I’m not mad.” Your Dad broke the silence, his voice cracking.

You gave in and you told him everything. You told him about how you were ashamed of what you look like. Of how you weren’t strong enough to hunt. You told him that every time you let him down, it hurt more than you could ever put into words. You told him how you believed that you were a burden and that you thought his life would be easier without you in it and he sat and listened to all of it. He patiently waited while you blew your nose through snotty tears, and you couldn’t help but think that he was the best Dad in the world.

“Come on, sweetheart.” He stood up, pulling you with him and dragged you out to the kitchen. He sat you down at the table before moving away to make some food.

After watching your Dad prepare some food in silence for five minutes, you decided that you would rather be anywhere else. “It cool if I go and watch a movie in your room while I wait? It’s kind of cold in here.”

Dean furrowed his brow, considering the question before giving you a hesitant nod. You gave him a wide smile in thanks and left. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he had said no and you were incredibly grateful that he wasn’t too overbearing.

You put on Big Hero Six, your favourite Disney movie, needing a good dose of Baymax, and curled up in your Dad’s bed. Despite your state of mind, the film brought out a few giggles, and you felt your mood lift slightly.

Half an hour into the film, your Dad appeared with two bowls and passed you one, getting into bed next to you. You looked down at the bowl and up to him in surprise.

“You made Chicken Carbonara from scratch?”

“Just eat it.” Your Dad gruffly responded before shoving a forkful of pasta into his mouth.

You fell asleep not long after you finished eating and Dean was turning off the movie when Sam and Cas were walking down the hallway in search of him.

“How is she?” Sam asked as Cas walked over and placed his fingers on your forehead.

“Her body is weak, I don’t think she’s eaten more than one meal a day in a very long time. I’m sorry, Dean, I should have noticed this earlier.”

Your Dad looked up from where he was playing with your hair to meet Cas’ eyes. “Don’t worry about it, man, we’ll fix it, we always do.”