#i hope hes well + getting lots of rest or ill lock him up

[catboyrome]

유바롬

[mxnhoo]

like it (h. hj)

"a no-label relationship, how thrilling can it be?" | cover preview ׂ╰➤ hwang hyunjin x reader (ft jay, jake and jungwon from enhypen, chan, seungmin, jisung, minho) genre angst, toxic relationship, reader has long hair, toxic LAWL, aruging crying kissing in the rain (we love to see it), reader enjoys photography w/c 17.2k warnings toxic relationships (ig), arguments, manipulative, aggressive kissing (gasp!), a lot of kissing (I HOPE I DID OKAY FOR THE KISSING SCENES), hyunjin is possessive, hyunjin invades reader's privacy, hyunjin takes things without permission, hickies, slightly suggestive ig?, occurrence where the reader gets harassed/assaulted physically, fighting, cheating, THERE IS MORE BUT ILL UPDATE WHEN I WAKE UP COS I JUST WANNA POST THIS ASAP, semi-proofread

a/n finally, the fic is out! it came out later than expected, and i apologise to yall for that. this is the first long fic i've ever written and ive learnt that long fics arent for me LOL. cringed so much writing this, i literally have a love-hate relationship with this, but i seriously hope yall enjoy this because i spent so much time on it. likes comments and reblogs are appreciated, and once again so sorry it took so long!

now playing i like it - stray kids

It was getting dark outside — the sun slowly setting, roads having slight traffic due to it being a little after peak hour, and your window blinds were closed, your living room being dimly lit from the lamp on the table and the ceiling light that was barely working.

"Don't tell me you're still going out with Jay?"

You finished tying your hair up in a ponytail before averting your gaze to Hyunjin, an expression of grimace on your face. He was resting on your couch, legs were in a manspread, his arms crossed and his head thrown back on the cushion. He returned the sour expression and all you could do was turn your head back to the mirror to touch up on your make-up, picking up the different brushes.

"Why can't I?" you retorted back, your annoyance towards him gradually growing as you start to dab the brush on your face, focusing on the small details. You two just had an argument moments before, a big reason was because you had plans with other males — well, just one, your best friend, Jay. You two also bickered about other small things, nitpicking each other’s small habits, and it all led to this.

"Because I'm here?" He sat up on the couch, his posture straightening as he locked his gaze onto you, his eyes showing fury as you remained unphased, putting down your brush and holding up your eyebrow pencil, drawing over your eyebrows. His sentiment sounded contemptuous, but this wasn't your first rodeo with him.

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?" you taunted, clearly not intimidated by him as you fully turned your body to face him. The corner of his mouth curled up, raising his eyebrows as he set himself up from the couch, walking towards you until he was in front of you. Considering you were seated, you had to tilt your neck upwards to maintain eye contact with him, your eyes showing no remorse towards him.

"What will I do?" He leaned forward, his face mere inches away from yours. On the outside, you remained nonchalant about it, but on the inside it felt like your heart was going to burst out. "What do you think I'm going to do?" he threw the question at you, and you could feel your heart skip a beat. The way you two were holding eye contact so intensely made your eyes linger over his lips, admiring how plump and captivating it looked, and it didn't go unnoticed.

He leaned in, smashing his lips onto yours with no warning and you gasped. He took the chance to slip his tongue inside your mouth, two of your muscles dancing strongly against each other with strong passion. You closed your eyes and your hands slowly wrapped around his neck. His hands cupped your jaw, manually tilting your head so he could gain more access to your mouth. The passion in the kiss was so evident and it fueled the fact that you both despise yet yearn for each other so much. You slowly felt as if you were running out of breath, so your hands snake down to his chest and you attempt to push him back, but your attempt is fruitless.

This only made him kiss you more aggressively, and this was a way of expressing his frustrations and jealousy to you, since you obviously didn't want to obey him. You gradually started to feel light-headed, and he finally pulled back from the kiss, his forehead resting on yours as he looked at you with the same fury in his eyes. You panted, desperate to catch your breath as you could physically feel your heart racing. His gaze averted to your lips and he chuckled at the sight of your red lipstick being smudged, bringing his fingers up to smudge your lipstick even more.

"Forget Jay, Y/N. How could you think about him when I'm right in front of you?" his eyes softened and he pleaded, causing a pang of guilt to hit your heart. You released a sigh, your hands falling back down to your sides as you leaned back from him, looking around the room to avoid eye contact with him. "I'll cancel, okay?" you muttered, feeling guilty for making Hyunjin feel that way, as well as for cancelling plans with Jay extremely last minute.

You and Jay originally had plans to go see a movie, and you had been looking forward to it for a week, but guess things just don't go accordingly sometimes.

Upon hearing that you'd cancel, his face lit up and a wide grin spread across his face. He brought you into an embrace, his broad frame perfectly wrapping around yours as you nuzzled your face into his neck, enjoying his warmth. 

“Thank you, baby,” he mumbled, hugging you tighter and you shook your head.

“I’m still mad at you,” you replied and he only laughed it off.

You felt so complete with him, so many moments when you wanted to rip your hair out because of him but it always ended up like this. Always ended up in his arms, and no one else.

"You signed up too?!" you exclaimed, nearly choking on your food as you kept your focus on the boy in front of you. Jay lightly grinned at your reaction and nodded his head. Loud chatters fill the cafeteria as you stared at the boy in front of you with a wide grin. Bliss filled you as you processed that you wouldn't be alone in the photography club; it's always nice to have someone familiar around.

"I didn't know you were into photography too, Y/N!" he chuckled, taking a bite out of his sandwich afterwards and glancing at you. You were so excited to finally have a mate that you could talk about photography with. Even if he was your friend for a while, you never knew he had the same interest as you. You were experienced with it, having bought your own camera a little while ago and playing around with it whenever you had free time. Unfortunately,

"Yeah! I actually bought my own digital camera a while ago but I recently lost it.."

Jay pouted upon hearing the news, sharing the sorrow you felt when you first realised you had lost it. "But it's okay! They provide cameras in the club, don't they?" you added on, lightening up the mood.

Jay chuckled and nodded, admiring how you could quickly light the mood up. You took another bite of your meal, munching it down and took a sip of your chocolate milk from the plastic straw.

"Actually, I've already been in the club for a while, I could introduce you to a few of the members right now if you want?" he offered, and your eyes instantly lit up, your face leaning closer to his. "Seriously?! Right now?! You would do that?" you jubilantly expressed, feeling euphoria run through your veins. Jay gave you a small smile and nodded, and you stood up from your chair immediately, creating a loud dragging sound from your chair which caught the attention of a few others in the cafeteria, but you could care less.

"Let's go now then!" you exclaimed, taking Jay's wrist with your left hand and your right hand still holding your half-eaten burger. Jay looked surprised at your excitement, but went along with it regardless. He was more than happy to lead you to the club room. On the way you kept telling Jay about your experiences with photography, and he shared some of his experiences too, helping you to realise that Jay was really interesting as well.

"Well, here we are!" Jay stood in front of a door, glancing at you and realising you had the brightest expression on your face. He chuckled at the sight of you being so eager and he nodded at you, opening the door and gesturing for you to enter first. You slightly bowed and mumbled a small 'thank-you' before stepping in and realising how the room was filled with about 5 people. All of them were new faces, or so you thought.

"Hey guys, we have a new member!" Jay stepped in and closed the door after himself, glancing between at his club mates and at you, flashing you a welcoming smile. From the way he spoke, you could somewhat tell that he was already close with the members, and it reassured you since it would be easier for you to make friends through him. You looked at each person one by one, noticing how each of them were at their own individual spots and giving them a friendly smile until you looked at the last person.

Hyunjin.

And he was holding the camera you mentioned about, angled at the corner of the room closest to him. The one you had lost.

"Oh?" Hyunjin said, his tone sounding amused as he eyed you up and down. You looked at him with widened eyes, not expecting him to be here out of all people. You cleared your throat and averted your gaze away from him, feeling his eyes burn a hole on you from his intense gaze. It was true you and Hyunjin had something, but you two never revealed it in public.

"Do you know her, Hyunjin?" Jay questioned, your sudden awkward behaviour not going unnoticed. Hyunjin smirked and raised his hands up as if he were surrendering, "Who knows?". You bit your lip, feeling uncomfortable at this situation and feeling like anyone would be able to infer that you and Hyunjin had something, but your thoughts were interrupted by Jay's laugh.

"You're scaring the poor girl, at least be more welcoming," Jay laughed out and walked over to the side of a boy who had silky straight hair, his hair slightly over his eyebrows and partially covering his eyes, and a black hoodie nicely fitting over his torso. You formed eye contact with the boy and he flashed you a small smile, a dimple forming on one side of his cheeks.

"Y/N, this is Jungwon, the president" Jay gestured to Jungwon, and Jungwon slightly bowed down. "Hi Y/N! I remember seeing your name in the list; just didn't expect to be seeing you so soon!" he spoke, his voice sounding like honey. He extended his arm for a handshake, and you nervously walked towards him and took his hand, firmly shaking it. You were slightly taken aback to how casual Jay was with the president of the club.

"Hi Jungwon! Nice to meet you!" you greeted him. You felt as if you were walking on eggshells, knowing very well that Hyunjin was watching your every move, and you were familiar with his outbursts after seeing you interact with other males. After the handshake with Jungwon, you quickly pulled your hand back and fidgeted with your fingers, already imagining the argument with Hyunjin in your head.

Jay helped to introduce to the rest, initiating friendly small-talk and helping you to getting to know the members. They were all pretty friendly and lovely people to get to know.

As you reached the last person, Hyunjin, you formed eye contact with him, biting your lip as the tension between the two of you became increasingly unbearable.

"Y/N, this is Hyunjin, and Hyunjin this is Y/N!" Jay introduced. You felt a lump in your throat, suddenly losing the ability to talk.

"Hello, Y/N. Nice meeting you," he extended his hand and flashed a smirk, his gaze on your hand and waiting for you to take his. You cleared your throat and nervously raised your hand up to take his hand until the loud school bell rang. While everyone else looked at the clock or at their wrists for the watch, you immediately pulled your hand down. Hyunjin watched you and slowly put his hand down.

While everybody else was distracted by the school bell and packing up their belongings to head to the next class, Hyunjin took the chance to lean to your ear and whisper, "Meet you after school".

You stumbled back, a shiver running down your spine and you were aggressively shaking your head and shooting a glare at him until he raised his occupied hand. The hand that was holding your camera.

"Unless you don't want this?" he mouthed, not voicing anything out.

You scoffed and scowled at him, giving him a single nod before turning your back on him to leave the classroom. Your eyes immediately met Jay's and you both started to converse while leaving, knowing that you two share the next class.

"Like Jay more than me?" he shot out, swinging the straps of your digital camera as he walked. You walked beside him, keeping your eyes on the camera to make sure he didn't accidentally drop it and he suddenly came to a halt, catching you off-guard and almost causing you to slip.

It was currently late evening, considering that your school ended later than usual today. You and Hyunjin were walking around in a more secluded area in the city that was still near the school, the place being dimly lit and fewer people being present.

Suddenly his body fully turned to yours, his hand lifting your chin up so you could look at him. Your eyes widened as you realised what he was doing, forming eye contact but remaining completely still.

"I asked you a question, darling."

You blinked your eyes at him in confusion, not realising that he had actually asked you a question after cautiously watching your camera that he was holding. You stuttered, "Huh? What? What question?".

"Do you like Jay more than me?" he questioned once more, his face darkening as he stared into your eyes and leaned closer. You gulped, wanting to jump off the earth as you immediately closed your eyes as the proximity increased. The weight of the question hung heavily in the air as the silence grew to be more unbearable. You slowly opened your eyes and were expecting to be met with an angry expression, but you are met with the opposite.

His eyes looked sad, and his eyebrows furrowed upwards. Your heart broke at his expression and you finally answered.

"No."

"Really?" his face lit up, his eyes blinking at you in elatedness. You were shocked to see that he wasn't angry or asking it repeatedly for reassurance but you weren't complaining. "Yeah. I like you more than Jay," you stated.

He flashed you a warm smile and cupped your cheeks, placing a soft kiss on your lips which caught you off-guard. It was almost a switch inside him flipped and he was happy all of a sudden. You felt as your heart started beating in a frantic rhythm, and blood started rushing to your face. You started to feel nervous and you flashed him an awkward smile, avoiding eye contact afterwards.

"Tell me more!" he leaned backwards, still looking at you. "Am I more handsome than him? More attractive?" he continued, clearly wanting your validation and you honestly found his jealousy adorable.

"Yes, you're more handsome than him, okay?" you reassured him, the warmth in your heart growing as your gaze went back to him. You took the time to notice his attire, his straight curtain hair parted into two different sections and a few strands of hair over his eyebrows. His looped silver earrings and necklace nicely complemented his skin tone, and his strong perfume filled the air.

He seemed overjoyed at your response, clearly wanting to hear more. "Am I the only guy in your life?".

Oh.

You blinked at him, slightly taken-aback to his sudden question. Was he the only guy in your life? I mean, technically yes, from how you two acted, but you two never.. had a label. You wanted to agree to his question, but you were reluctant. You answered back with a question, "Are you? You tell me."

He chuckled at your response before pecking your forehead and letting go of your face.

"Let's go."

You looked at him, feeling confused to where he meant but he took your wrist and started dragging you. "Where are we going?" you questioned, feeling genuinely clueless but he continued to drag you, not looking back to answer you.

"Nowhere."

You ended up in the subway with him, walking around the station as you both waited for the train to come. Your hand was interlocked with his, your arms swinging back and forth. There weren't a lot of people since it was starting to be late and the day after was still a weekday. You wanted to ask him so many things, like — when did he take your camera? When did he join the photography club? Since when did he actually know Jay?

"What are you thinking about?" he questioned, breaking your train of thought and causing you to gain back consciousness and look back at him. He had a soft expression, sincerity evident in his voice as he softly grinned at you.

"I have a lot of questions about today."

"Oh yeah? Spit."

"You had my camera the entire time?" you shot out the first question that had been at the back of your head for the entire day after you saw him in the club room. You were happy that your camera was with someone you knew, but you were confused about how he even got it. Sad too, that he practically stole it from you.

"Yeah. Took it while you weren't looking when I came over," he confessed, his tone showing no guilt or remorse. "So.. you deliberately took it without asking me?" "I guess so."

You weren't surprised, you were already used to this, just slightly upset that he didn't tell you first.

"But why?" you asked the part you've been eager to hear the most. "I wanted to make sure there weren't other guys."

'Is that so?' you thought to yourself.

"So did you find any other guys?" you asked. You knew you didn't have any photos of other guys in your camera, but you wanted to hear his response. "You're in the clear," he tilted his head upwards, giving you a downwards smile and his hair fell down to his temples from his forehead. "Must be fun invading my privacy, huh?" you wried, but at the same time you felt thrilled at the thought that he was being possessive.

He simply laughed at your comment, feeling guilty about your statement. He asked, "Shoot more questions, bet 'ya have more".

"You were in the photography club?" "Yeah." "Why didn't you tell me?" "You never asked."

Fair point.

You sighed at his comment, now realising that you don't know much about Hyunjin but it was a stark contrast when it came to Hyunjin's knowledge about you. It felt almost as if he knew everything about you, and it made you feel so vulnerable to him.

"You knew Jay?" you asked the final question.

Hyunjin hummed, indicating he was thinking before he nodded.

"You never told me you and him knew each other personally." "Once again.. you never aske—" "I know that, but you could've just said a simple 'Oh, him and I are club mates' or whatever."

You thought that Hyunjin only knew Jay because you brought up Jay multiple times and that you and him hung out in school. Jay and Hyunjin knowing each other personally was the last thing you expected, especially in a photography club.

"Well, now you know."

The train arrived, the sounds of the train railing in filling up the atmosphere in the train platform. You glanced at Hyunjin and he nodded, both of you walking at one of the doors where the train would open.

Both of you sat in the train, talking to each other and resting on each other. With your hand interlocked with his, his thumb slowly caressed yours and you felt at ease with him, forgetting about all of the relatioship's toxicity. Time passed by, both of you just sitting in the train accompanied by each other's presence as the train stopped at every stop, the cabins slowly emptying out as it became later.

There was endless chatter, laughter and bickering and before you realised, your train eventually reached the last station, the clock already striking past midnight. It was already time to go home since it was a school night, and you two had classes to attend to the following day.

Before you two parted ways, he spoke up, "Hey, about my question, what's your answer?". You flashed a perplexed look, trying to recall what question he had asked.

Oh, that question. You took a few seconds to think about it, feeling like your answer weighed heavily and required sincerity, possibly impacting whatever relationship you had with him.

Am I the only guy in your life?

"Yeah. You're the only guy."

Your response made him smile, and he took your hands into his, bringing you closer.

"It's the same for you, okay? You're the only girl in my life". Your heart melted at his words and you felt truly percepted. He continued while planting a kiss on your cheek "Goodnight, Y/N".

You watched as he walked away from you towards the opposite end of the station, entering the train which was practically desolated and your heart clenched as the doors watched, your eyes on him even as the train moves away. (You didn't want to admit it, but you were feeling upset that he wouldn't take you home, but you tried to brush the feeling away).

By the time you've reached home, it was already 3am. Upon opening your front door, you didn't even bother to turn on the lights, just heading straight to your room and flinging the door open. You felt exhausted, but recalling the quality time you spent with Hyunjin warmed your heart up (but a pinch of sadness because he didn't take you home).

You carelessly drop the bag onto the floor beside your table, a loud thump echoing through the room and you immediately shuffle your feet towards your bed, falling on it, your arms and legs widely spread as you stared at the ceiling, not even bothering to change your clothes first. Your room was completely dark, but the moonlight that entered through your window made certain areas in your room visible — though barely. Not only did you get to spend time with him, but knowing that your digital camera indeed didn't get lost assuaged your worries.

Wait.. Talking about your camera.. Did he even pass it back to you?

You immediately sat up, setting your feet on the floor before walking towards your light switch, making extra effort not to accidentally kick or trip over anything. Upon flicking the lightswitch, the sudden bright light caused you to flick your head downwards and shut your eyes. You slowly opened your eyelids as you gradually grew accustomed to the different lighting and you looked at the corner where you had placed your school bag when you reached home.

You quickly shuffled your feet towards your bag, unzipping the front pocket to see if there was anything, followed by the biggest pocket. Your anxiety grew as you slowly unzip, peeking your head into your bag. To your relief, your camera was resting nicely inside the big pocket on top of your school materials. You quickly snatched it out, inspecting the camera to ensure there were no scratches or dents, and luck was on your side because your camera was in perfect condition from the last time you saw it.

You released a sigh of relief and slouched your back, feeling as all the worry inside of you disappeared. You turned on your camera, wanting to quickly get the feeling of using your camera again after being so sure that you had lost it, and you wanted to quickly take a random shot.

Your bedroom could be considered neat. You were sitting beside the table that was at one corner with your laptop on it, a lamp and at the other side of the room was your bed, but your sheets were all ruffled up from a moment ago. You quickly shot your bedroom, hearing the camera click and a flash shooting through the room.

You pulled the camera away from your face, pressing a few buttons and quickly looking at the photo you took and smiled. You clicked buttons to see your other shots until you realised that there were photos that you don't recognise at all. And that's when you realise that Hyunjin has probably taken a few shots himself from when he deliberately stole your camera.

The first photo was a photo of.. you? And it was a shot of you talking to Jungwon and shaking his hand. This must've been when Jay brought you to the club room earlier.

Second, third, fourth shots were all him taking mirror selfies. There were more photos where he was intentionally making a stupid face and you giggled at his stupidity, your heart feeling warm that you had these photos for yourself, and you continued to click until you reached one photo.

It was a shot with the flashlight on, the photo slightly blurry. A girl could be seen raising her hand up to the camera, probably to block her face and as you inspected the photo more, you realised that there were purple marks visible down her jugular, causing you to gasp. You could physically feel your heart shatter as you continued to scan the photo, now zooming in and realising that the background of the photo seemed familiar.

You could make it out that it was Hyunjin's bedroom, and the girl was sitting up on the edge of his bed. Her hand had fully covered her face, leaving her identity unknown to you but all you could care about were the marks down on her neck.

You felt as nausea washed over you and your heart dropping. You knew that unless Hyunjin was a dickhead and shared your camera around, it had to be him who took that photo. You instantly turned off your camera and dropped it to the floor, not caring about the potential damages done to it and you just flicked the lightswitch to turn off the light. You threw yourself on the bed and nuzzled your face into your pillow, feeling as tears form in your eyes.

Tears slowly start to escape your eyes, feeling deeply betrayed by your discovery. The fact that that photo took a while to reach in your camera gallery just tells you that it's been a while since it's been in your camera, so how could Hyunjin treat you so nicely and restrict you from seeing other people when he goes out to meet people other than you? Heck, you didn't even have the thoughts to go down on Jay on the day you were supposed to go to the movies, but here Hyunjin was, marking others.

"'only girl in my life' my fucking ass, bro" you thought.

"Fuck you....." you mumbled weakly to yourself and your voice cracked as the image of Hyunjin's face appeared in your head when you closed your eyes. You whimpered, feeling as if the whole world just came crashing down and you continued to cry yourself to sleep until you eventually drifted into a deep sleep.

The bright sunlight crept into your room from your window without warning, and your eyes fluttered open as your nose felt congested and your eyes puffy. You groaned, feeling your body score and you rolled over to the other side of your bed where your phone was laying, and you checked the time.

11:28a.m.

You missed class, and typically you'd be panicking and immediately getting yourself ready for school, but not today. Today you were tired and you just needed the day to yourself — a day without school, interacting with people, and also a day without seeing Hyunjin. You picked up your phone from the nightstand and tried to turn it on, spamming the turn-on button repeatedly and realising that your phone was dead probably since you forgot to plug in your phone before going to sleep. That was probably why you didn't wake up, your alarm didn't even ring to wake you up —but it wasn't like you were going to get up anyways.

You sighed and turned to lay on your back, your arm resting on your forehead as you closed your eyes, recalling the reason you were even upset in the first place. It was such a lovely hangout with him last night and it felt as if you two became even closer, but now it felt like he was a completely different person to you.

Still holding your phone, you took a moment to reflect upon everything that has a moment and a bittersweet feeling ran through your veins. You sat up from your bed, looking around and still realising your digital camera on the floor. You set your feet on the floor and shuffled your feet towards the camera resting on the floor and picked it up, inspecting it for damages. Luckily for you it was still in perfect condition, but for now you just didn't want to use it — for now, you could only recall bad memories with it.

Walking to your table at the other corner of the room, you gently placed your camera down and plugged in your phone, seeing the charging screen. You released a heavy sigh and turned away from the devices, stretching your arms in the air and letting out a loud groan.

Did he take that photo intentionally? Were you not meant to see that photo? Would he message you and reassure you out of nowhere?

You slapped yourself for thinking about these questions. You didn't want to see him physically yet he was implanted in your mind, and it pissed you off.

Today, you were going to spend it on yourself. No one else, just you.

It was a nice day outside, beautiful even. The sun was out shining, the breeze brushing against your face and the streets being lightly occupied since the majority of the people were busy in school or work. You skipped down the street, feeling your hair blow as you smile at the different people you form eye contact with. Sometimes when other people return the smile it almost makes you forget how much your heart had been hurting. Keyword — almost. You look down at the pavement, releasing a loud sigh as the road beside you had cars driving past you at steady speeds.

You weren't just going anywhere, you were going to your comfort place. Your favourite cafe — Chronos Brews. You always bought the same pair of items, but maybe today you were going to get something different.

As you pushed the glass door open, the bells attached to the door chimed and while forming eye contact with the worker at the counter, you grinned at them. You strolled towards the counter and went face-to-face with the worker.

"Hey, what can I get for ya?" the male greeted, his Australian accent strong and your eyes shifted to his nametag that was hanging above his left chest pocket.

Sim Jaeyun.You have never seen him before, perhaps he was a new worker?

"Hey! Uhm.." you greeted and you trailed off, looking at the menu to search for something new. Once your eyes found an item you found interesting, you continued, “Could I get a New York cheesecake and a..” your voice trailed off as you eyes continued to scan the menu, “passion yoghurt smoothie?”. 

The male smiled at you and nodded, proceeding to press buttons on the cash register and looking up again afterwards. “That’ll be 11.90, cash or card?”

“Card.”

“Okay.” He smiled.

You sat on a vacant table, the cafe being emptier than usual since everyone else was at work or school. You never realised how calming it could be when you were in your favourite cafe with barely anyone else inside. Just you, the apparent new worker - Sim Jaeyun as well as another girl, sitting at one corner busied by her laptop. As you heard footsteps approaching you, you looked up and you were met with the worker holding up a glass cup containing yellow slush with a straw poking out, and a small plate which had your cheesecake accompanied by a mini fork. He set the food down on your table, and gave you a warm smile. 

“Good choice,” he suddenly spoke up, causing you to raise your eyebrows, “as in, your food choices. I like the passion yoghurt smoothie too.”

You smiled at him, “Just wanted to try something new today. I hope it’s good.”

“It will be, no worries,” he reassured, watching as you lean closer to the straw, sipping up with the drink. Your face immediately lit up, your eyebrows raising, your eyes slightly widening and a smile plastered onto your face, “You’re right, this is good”.

You continue to sip on the drink, the liquid level quickly dropping as he laughed at you. You lean back on your chair, and look at him again, “Say, I come here often but I’ve never seen you before”.

He quickly nodded his head, “Yup, just started a while ago. Usually take morning shifts, do you usually come in the afternoon?”.

You nodded your head, “Yeah I do. Makes sense why I’ve never seen you before”.

He suddenly raised one eyebrow, humming in thought. He asked, “No school or work? It’s a weekday morning” and you quickly shook your head. “I mean, I do still have school but.. Today’s my day.”

He nodded, understanding what you meant, “Well then, could I give you my number?”. You shot your gaze at him, caught off-guard by the sudden question and you raised your eyebrows. He continued, his face growing red as his eyes widened

“A-ah, not for any particular reason! You just kinda.. Seem cool, y’know? And if you need anyone to talk to..”. You laughed at him as you watched him aggressively shake his head and hands.

“Okay, sure, why not?” you giggled, handing your phone and watching as he nervously tapped his phone number, his hands slightly quivering.

After you got the new worker’s number, you left the cafe and went to different places, walking in a mall and buying things, walking in a park. It was a day out with yourself.

Must be fun, huh?

You came back home just a little bit before you ate dinner, and dropping all your bags from shopping, you immediately found your way to your room, picking up your phone and turning it on with high expectations. Your hope only crumbles when you realise that you do have notifications, but not from him. Not a single ‘Why didn’t you come to school today?’ or a ‘Are you okay?’ or if you were lucky, an ‘I’m sorry’.

Before you knew it, you were already grabbing your jacket from your closet, picking up your personal handbag from the floor and putting on your slippers, preparing to leave your house with one goal in mind - confronting Hyunjin.

He first wronged you by taking the photo of the girl, maybe it was intentional to make you jealous? Maybe it was unintentional, but you don’t know which one was first, but at this point you didn’t care. You were mad and wanted to hear it from himself, and if he wasn’t even going to reach out to you, you’re going to reach out to him first.

Standing in front of a door you’ve been in front of so many times, you anxiously knock on the wood, folding your arms as you wait for a response. Seconds felt like hours, and you felt the anxiety in you growing. Sweat rolled down your temples and you bit your lip, suddenly forgetting the words you rehearsed on the way to confront him when you actually saw him face to face.

Your head shoots up as you hear the door unlocking, watching as the door swiftly opens, revealing the man who has you wrapped around his finger. The man who puts you on an emotional rollercoaster, never once getting a break from how unpredictable he is. He looks bewildered at the sight of you, his eyebrows raising, eyes widening and his lips slightly parting, clearly speechless.

He takes a few seconds to process that you were right in front of you and finally breaks the silence, “Y/N? Why are you here?”.

You immediately frowned at his question.

Was he not going to ask how you were? Where were you instead of school? His words pricked your heart but you kept your head high, folding your arms as you lifted your head, “I saw the photo”. Features of confusion washed over him as he looked at you as if you were speaking alien language

“What phot-” “You have another girl you’re fucking with.”

His eyes immediately widened, blinking at you repetitively as he tried to find words to respond to you. “Y/N, what are you-”

“Don’t fuck with me, Hyun. I saw it in the photo in my own camera. A girl, on your bed, with hickies. You can’t tell me I’m hallucinating.” you emphasised ‘with hickies’, your chest finally feeling light as you finally let out the words you’ve been wanting to say ever since you saw that photo in the morning. 

You watch as he gives you a confused look, and it makes you feel stupid about yourself, almost doubting yourself.. “Y/N, do you seriously think of me like that?”.

“Hyun, don’t turn this around on me. I literally saw-” “Y/N,” he interrupted, his gaze softening as he tilts his neck, “you do remember I told you that you’re the only girl in my life, right?” “How the fuck is that relevant in this?!” you yelled. You quite literally couldn’t believe what you were hearing.

His shoulder relaxes, folding his arms, “I genuinely have no idea what photo you’re talking about. I did take photos on your camera, yes, but it was all photos of me, Y/N. Trust me, I never had a girl over, and if anything, the girl would only be you.”

“So you’re saying my eyes are lying to me?” “Yes. I genuinely have never taken any photos of girls, or even girls on my fucking bed. You know me Y/N, I only have eyes for you.”

“No Hyunjin, I literally saw-” “Y/N, please? I know this is serious but I’m really busy right now. Can’t you just forgive me?” He steps forward towards you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him, his body now pressing against yours as he looks at you with a pleading expression. 

You want to pick up a fight against him. You want to stand your ground, and tell him that you know that what you saw was right. But the way he was pleading, the way his voice sounded so soft, the way he was looking at you so softly and holding you so gently, it made you think otherwise. You averted your gaze, suddenly having a pang of guilt hit you as you sucked the insides of your cheek, not daring to look at him.

“Look at me, please?” he used one of his hands to hold your chin and lift it up to meet your eyes. You looked back at him, your jaw tightened as the guilt grew. You notice how he eyes your lips and how he was gradually leaning closer and you shut your eyes, almost afraid for what was coming.

Before you knew it, his lips were on yours, however, the feeling was different. Typically, kisses with him would be intense, greedy and passionate, but this time it was slow and gentle. He was taking his own time as he slowly cupped your jaw to angle your head. His mouth moved slowly with yours, and you could feel yourself meaning.

As the kiss continued, you felt your anger for him slowly dissociate, your stomach being filled with butterflies and your chest feeling fuzzy as you finally wrap your arms around his neck to pull his face closer to yours. 

You had thoughts that you never wanted this to end, or that he was right, he would only pick you, but suddenly the image on your camera appears in your head again and it causes you to push him aggressively, breaking the kiss and his hold around you.

He looks at you flabbergasted, evidently bewildered as to why you suddenly pushed him away and you just spoke weakly, “We can’t do this..”. No matter how hard he tries, you know your eyes weren’t playing with you and that the photo was real, and you can’t kiss him or the greed for him and the pain would be worse.

“Hyunjin?” a high-pitched voice spoke out from behind Hyunjin, causing your heart to drop and your blood to go cold, already knowing what was about to come. As you averted your gaze from Hyunjin to the voice behind him, you saw it. You saw the girl in the camera, the same girl in your camera on Hyunjin’s bed with hickies all over her neck.

She had the same blonde straight hair, bangs that were slightly uneven and she was wearing an oversized shirt that you hated you recognised. It was a shirt you yourself wore multiple times.

You could now confirm that the girl was definitely in Hyunjin’s bed, and that all her hickies were definitely from Hyunjin herself. You were speechless, frozen, you were unable to do anything as your mouth remained agape, not being able to form words as your mind goes blank.

The silence between the 3 of you became extremely uncomfortable, and though no words were spoken, each second was like a knife piercing your heart and being twisted. 

You couldn't do this anymore. You can’t deal with this bullshit anymore. Without thinking, your palm swiped across Hyunjin’s cheek, a loud slap echoing the atmosphere as you scowled at Hyunjin.

You were done and you weren’t going to feel like you were just one of his toys he can use and throw away once he was bored. “Fuck you, Hyunjin,” was the last thing you said before you readjusted your bag on your shoulder and stormed away, not looking back. You could feel both of their gazes on you as you walked away, but you couldn’t care less, not wanting to face them again, or anymore. 

The only thing you could think about was Hyunjin and that girl. You were feeling so many emotions to the point it was overwhelming - humiliation, betrayal, anger. You felt so ashamed for actually believing that you were going to be the only girl in his life. So much for a relationship with no actual label, right?

Anger grew inside of you as you replayed the scene in your head repeatedly, wishing that you didn’t just slap him, but also yelled at him and put him in his place. Who was he to throw you around and treat you as if you were nothing? 

Fuck him. Fuck Hyunjin. He’s a fucking dickhead. 

You slowly tried to regulate your breathing, staring at the ceiling and occasionally shutting your eyelids as you tried to put your mind to something else. That girl can have him all she wants, and you were just done with him.

You needed to take your mind off of this, put yourself out there to forget about him, but what is there to do? Maybe you can hang out with a friend, listen to music, talk to new people, and what’s a good way to do all at once? A fun night at the club, of course.

Loud music plays through the speakers that surround the entire room, people being able to be spotted in every single corner, everyone having their different reasons for being there. Some want to hit up with others, some want to bond with their friends, some wanna have a drink, and some want to forget their miserable ex. In your case, it was all of the above.

You were walking past the crowd, trying to get past people and constantly angling your body to get through, and once you were finally at a corner with lesser people, you released a breath you didn’t realise you were holding in. You were enthusiastic at the idea of going to the club, but now that you were actually here, the atmosphere was quite overwhelming.

There were people who were literally all over each other, making out with each other as if they weren’t surrounded by a hoard of people, people vomiting and drinking, and people who were just there to dance and vibe to the music. You took out your phone from your purse, nervously checked the chats with your friend and typed to ask them what they were.

Just as you sent a message, you felt a tap on your shoulder, causing you to jump and immediately shoot your head at the person tapping your shoulder, and you release a sigh of relief once you realise it was your friend. Sim Jaeyun, the worker you met at the cafe a while ago. He nervously laughed and scratched his neck as he blinked at you, “This was the last thing I expected when you asked me to go out.”

You laugh at his comment, his presence being a sense of reassurance in an atmosphere of people you didn’t know. You smiled at him, “Is this your first time at a club?”.

He ran his hand through his hair, huffing his breath and blowing his fringe, “I mean, no, but the last time I was here I was just stuck to my friend ‘cause I had no idea what to do..”.

Your eyes lit up at his response, “Right! Like you have no clue how to dance, or if you should talk to someone new, y’know?”. You felt even more comforted that someone was exactly like you, clueless on what to do when you were in the club.

The club was famous for letting people forget their emotions, but you only felt like you confronted your feelings more in the club. He shook his head aggressively, snapping his fingers and pointing at you “Exactly that!”.

As time passes by, you and Jake start to get to know each other, like how he owns a pet dog named Layla and how he loves building legos. You also learnt that he came from Australia (which was kinda obvious from his accent) and that he’s a music-freak - he knows how to play so many instruments that you can’t even name all. You two had bought drinks and were sitting on a table, just chatting as you both got to know each other.

“Hey, I gotta go to the toilet real quick, yeah?”. You gave him a quick smile and nodded, watching him as he stood up and left for the toilet. You relaxed on your seat and sighed, feeling happy that you had a night to get to know someone new, and it felt like forever since you’ve done that considering how much Hyunjin had restricted you.

As you folded your arms and stared into blank space, you felt an arm wrap around you and you immediately flinched, trying to shift away but couldn’t. You turned and saw a man, probably in his late 20s and your stomach drops, suddenly freezing and being unable to do anything. You could tell that he didn't have good intentions, his smug smile telling you everything as he eyed you up and down.

“What’s a pretty babe doing alone in a club like this, hm?” the man said, his tone confident yet sounding so suffocating and your breath hitched, unable to form words as you just stared at the man. 

“Why do you seem so uncomfortable?” he laughed out loud and you nervously laughed, your eyes constantly blinking as you looked down to your feet, feeling so small as he pulled you closer, feeling his warmth against your body.

You wanted to push him away, you wanted to scream at him for touching you but for some reason you just couldn’t do anything. Your heart was rapidly beating as your breathing picked up the pace, anxiety starting to grow inside you as you got nervous about what the man would do to you. 

“Baby, do you like this?” he suddenly put his hand on your thigh, making you gasp and hold your breath. Tears were forming in your eyes as you bit your lip hard, not realising the cut that formed.

“S-stop..” you softly cried out.

“Why baby? Don’t you like it?” his hand slowly traced up your thigh, and you were regretting wearing a skirt to the club. You felt the tears break free from your eyes and you shut your eyes, not being able to fight back. That was until you heard a loud thud beside you and his arm on your thigh being hastily removed.

You shot your eyes open to see what happened and saw the man holding his face as he was forced to turn to you. You looked up further and saw Hyunjin, panting and his face full of fury as he held up his fist, his position as if he just punched the man.

“H-Hyunjn..” you weakly called out, and for a second his gaze softened as he looked at you but was quickly averted to the man. You suddenly forgot all your hatred for him when you saw him again.

“Get. Your fucking hands. Off of her.” Hyunjin commanded, his eyes full of rage as his jaw clenched and his fists shaking, his fingers white from how tightly he was clenching his hands.

The man simply turned his gaze back to Hyunjin, chuckling slowly as he looked at Hyunjin’s expression, scoffing at the sight in front of him, his hand touching the spot on his face that got punched. “And why should I?” the man taunted and leaned back to you, his arm remained wrapped around your shoulders and you stiffened up further.

Hyunjin smirked and cracked his neck, the sounds being loud “You better listen before things get fucking messy, old man, now get your hands off of her. I won’t repeat myself again.”

The man shook his head and laughed, “Look man, I’m not trying to-”.

And before you knew it, the man got punched again and you gasped at the sudden action, your hands flying to your mouth. You noticed how there was now blood flowing out of the man’s nose, and that Hyunjin was tilting his neck and pulling up his sleeves, his eyes almost looking psychotic as he rubbed his fists, his gaze fixated on the man and watching his every move.

You looked at the man and he looked like he lost his mind, his grin so wide and he started to laugh uncontrollably, his head slowly turned back to Hyunjin. His arm slithered away from you and he stood up from the chair, walking up to Hyunjin. “Do you fucking know who you’re messing with?” the man threatened, his head tilted and Hyunjin simply stared down at him. 

Suddenly, Hyunjin grabbed his collar and heatbutted him, “Look, I don’t give a fuck about who you are, you touch my girl again I’m fucking killing you, got it?”. You were afraid that a fight was going to break out, but the man simply pushed away, lifting his hands as if he was surrendering and he shook his head, “I got you man, no need to be so fucking sensitive”.

The man was about to pat Hyunjin’s back to form a truce but Hyunjin gripped his wrists tightly and only glared at him, his glare being enough to tell him to fuck off and the man simply went away, glancing once more at you before he disappeared into the crowd.

“Y/N” he called out to you, his eyes still being full of fury as you stared at him. Deep down, you still hated him, but given that he just saved you from that situation, all you could think about was how grateful you were to him, how much you wanted to go back to him, how much you wanted him again. You stood up from your seat and walked towards him, saying nothing and pulling him into a tight embrace.

Upon coming into contact with you, he froze but after a few seconds you could feel his hands rest on your back, slowly caressing you as you found comfort in his hands, almost wanting to burst out crying from the situation you just experienced.

“Sorry, is this your boyfriend?” a voice spoke out and you immediately pulled back from the hug to see Jaeyun. Your eyes immediately widen and you start laughing nervously, not knowing how to respond. Hyunjin stepped towards the guy, clearly feeling threatened, “And who could you be?”. 

You immediately step in, “Hyunjin, this is Jaeyun, Jaeyun this is Hyunjin”. You nervously smiled and scratched your neck. Jaeyun was smiling at Hyunjin while Hyunjin was glaring at him. You realised that you needed to thank Hyunjin, and also that you and him needed to have a talk.

“Ha..ha.. Jaeyun, let's meet again another time, thanks for tonight,” you said as you grabbed Hyunjin’s wrist and started to pull him out. You looked over your shoulder as you started to walk out, watching as Jake smiled and said his goodbyes.

Once you and Hyunjin were out of the club, you and him stood under a streetlight, and you were now face to face with him. As you looked at him, you noticed his stern expression still being present. “Who is he and where did you meet him?” he questioned, his tone evidently displeased.

You were taken aback by how pissed he sounded, your anger for him slowly returning and overpowering your gratitude for him, “Now why does that matter when you literally had a girl over just a while ago, huh?”.

Hyunjin groaned while running his hand through his hair, biting his lip, “Look, I know you might not believe me but I broke it off with her?”.

“And how am I supposed to know if you’re lying or not?!” you yelled.

“I swear this time. I kicked her out that very day you saw her, blocked her and even broke it off.” he said, his tone sounding serious but you had no idea if you should trust him or not. 

“Look, you’ve lied to me once and you can do it again, Hyunjin,” you stated, your heart aching.

“No, please, I understand why you’re mad at me, and I’m a fucking dick for it, Y/N, but please just trust me this one time,” he pleaded, his gaze softening as he took a step towards you, his hand moving upwards to hold you by the waist but you slapped his hand away.

“Hyunjin, trust me, I really want to trust you, but I don’t want to constantly get disappointed and hurt again,” you spat out, “Do you know how hurt I felt when you literally lied to my face and that girl just appeared right behind you?”.

“And do you know how angry I felt when I saw you with that guy?!” he snapped, causing you to flinch. He noticed and his gaze softened, “I-I’m sorry-”

“I don’t give a fuck Hyunjin, you hurt me so much, do you think I care if you’re angry?” your voice cracked and you could feel tears welling up in your eyes as you relive the pain you felt just a while ago.

“Please Y/N, give me another chance, I promise you I won’t hurt you again,” he pleaded, sounding desperate as he took another step closer, your bodies almost touching as he looked at you. 

He continued, “Don’t.. Walk away from me.. Don’t walk away from me.. please..?” 

You shook your head, biting your lip, “Hyunjin.. I really don’t know..”. He cupped your cheeks and his eyes softened as he saw your hurt expression. He caressed your cheeks with his thumbs, his eyes looking at your facial features. 

“I’ll do anything it takes to earn your forgiveness again, please?” he pleaded once more and all you could wish for was your heart to stop beating so fast so you could think straight.

“Okay,” you replied, but it came out as a raspy whisper. “Can I.. kiss you?” he questioned, his eyes already on your lips as he slowly started to lean closer to your face. You nodded your head, afraid that you were making the wrong choice, but your heart longed for this, your heart longed for him, and at this point you weren’t even thinking about the consequences.

As his lips finally landed on yours, you felt the tears break free from your eyes. He angled his head for more access to your mouth and your hands grabbed his shirt, slowly pulling him closer. The kiss was hesitant, Hyunjin probably afraid you would’ve pushed him away or reacted negatively, but once you responded, he released the breath he never realised he was holding in.

His mouth moved so tenderly against yours, mouths moving in a similar rhythm as he tries to show you how much he loves you without any words. His hands slowly slithered down to your waist and pulled you impossibly closer, feeling his warmth against you and you could slowly feel yourself losing to this kiss.You knew you’d only get hurt over and over again if you were with him, but being with him just feels so right. His lips complemented yours so well, and the way you both always ran back to each other just proves that the feeling was mutual. 

You felt yourself growing breathless so you tapped his chest, signalling to pull back but he interpreted it different and only kissed you harder, causing you to form a muffled whimper as he kisses you more passionately, his lips moving more vigorously and he ran his lip on your bottom lip, silently asking for entrance and you obey. Your head was feeling fuzzy as he continued, slipping his tongue into your mouth and your tongues fighting in a fiery battle for dominance. He finally pulled back, panting heavily as he rested his forehead on yours and stared into your eyes intensely.

“Tonight, stay with me, okay?” he pleaded, his eyes soft as he continued to pant, his lips agape. You nodded, your heart about to burst from how fast it was beating. You stared at him, noticing the bruised spot on his cheek from your slap and you caressed the spot lightly, feeling guilty for it

Few days after the incident at the club, you and he became close again, reverting back to your old non-labelled relationship, your kisses being more passionate and your greed for each other being increasingly evident.

Today, he wanted to have a game-night with his boys and also invite you over, wanting your presence around him even as he hung out with his friends.

Maybe he was improving, since back then he wouldn’t even want to bring you near his friends from the fear of them finding out that you two were a thing.

Maybe now that he was more open to his friends seeing you and him together, he was serious about you, and maybe he’d be asking you out soon. Who knows? 

Your heart flutters at the thought, thinking about all the different ways he would ask you out. Maybe he was going to do it while the other boys were around. Maybe another day, and he’d gift you a bouquet of flowers? Maybe a romantic dinner - the list goes on and on, but you just couldn’t wait to make it official with him.

Game night he said. His friends were sitting around you on the couch as 4 of them hold up Switch controllers, all of them yelling at each other as they stare intensely at the screen, trying to get the task in the game done.

In the room there was Chan, Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and of course, Hyunjin himself. Since there were only 4 controllers, everyone but you and Seungmin was playing, and you just awkwardly watched as they continuously shout random call-outs to each other. Seungmin was to your left, and Hyunjin was to your right, your legs in physical contact.

Being aware that Hyunjin was too occupied with the game, you looked at Seungmin who was attentively watching the screen, and feeling your gaze on him, he quickly looked back at you to form eye contact. He gave you a small grin and greeted you, “Hey Y/N”.

You knew Seungmin but never really talked to him even in class since he was always around other people. At other times, he was around Hyunjin, and you and Hyunjin never really talked publicly for.. many reasons, of course. This was the first time you actually had the opportunity to talk to him properly, and you mirrored the smile, greeting him back.

“Hey, Seungmin”.

You knew that even if he hung out with Hyunjin who could be a bad influence, Seungmin’s kind heart still remained, and your impression on him always remained positive from the times you see him in class. “How are you?” you questioned, feeling less awkward as you finally find someone to chat to while the others are busy with their game.

“Been okay, just been having my usual baseball practices, class been tough lately, you?”, he replied, the soft smile never leaving his face. You looked around the room and hummed like you were thinking and you shrugged, “Just been the same, I recently managed to find my lost camera so that’s great”. Upon saying that, you glanced at Hyunjin who was still chaotically playing his game, holding his fist up to cheer once they managed to finish their mission. 

“Is that so? Must be nice finding something you lost,” “I agree,” someone to your right voiced out, feeling an arm wrap around your shoulder as they pulled you closer. You looked to your right and made eye contact with Hyunjin, him giving you a smug expression as you glared at him since he was the culprit.

“Say, wanna play Y/N? I bought a new game earlier this week, I think it’s pretty fun” Hyunjin questioned, his smug expression never leaving his face as your eyes softened, and you slowly nodded your head, “Why not?”.

Next thing you knew, you were holding the console and chasing after Hyunjin in the game. Apparently, the game name was 'Cops N Robbers’, and you scream at him from all the tactics he uses to juke you. The game setting was in prison, and you were the cop while he was the robber. There were snickers from the other boys who were also playing, finding it hilarious how naive you were to games and how Hyunjin could easily trick you. 

“Y/N, don’t you think this reminds you of us?” He suddenly blurts out in the middle of his laughter. Still furious, trying to chase him, pressing the buttons aggressively “What the hell do you mean? Just get back here!”.

Hyunjin continued to laugh, “Like how you always chase me, y’know!”.

Your fingers stop moving on the console, taking the time to straighten your posture and look him in the eye. He sensed your gaze on him and he did the same, leaning back on the couch to give you his mischievous expression that you had a love-hate relationship with. Your face turned sour as you immediately understood his implication, and the corner of his mouth curved up while raising his eyebrows.

“It’s not one-sided, Hyun, it’s mutual,” you stated, your tone dead serious.

Hyunjin simply smiled, his eyes practically lighting up, “I know.”

You excused yourself after a while to use the restroom, needing a moment to yourself and as you finished washing your hands, you walked down the hallway and heard the other’s voices while wiping your damp hands on your shirt. You felt uneasy as you recalled the conversation you had earlier with him. ‘Like how you always chase me’  ‘I know’

So he knows that the two of you are after each other. Wouldn’t that mean that there is something special then? Maybe.. there is a need for establishment?

You stared into blank space, their voices gradually getting louder as you get closer, their words falling on deaf ears until you heard something that stood out to you. 

“Are you guys seriously not going to get together?”

You feel your body turn cold and you instantly halt to a stop. You stopped breathing as if they would be able to hear you, and you slowly shuffled your way closer to be able to hear their conversation better. You peeked into the living room, seeing the back of their heads while seated on a couch, still playing. 

You saw Seungmin avert his head to Hyunjin, “Yeah, seriously, the way y'all look at each other is insane.”

Seungmin wasn’t wrong. Your eyes then went to Hyunjin, though it was only the view of the back of his head, hopeful that his response would be something you wished for.

“Why do we need a label?”.

Oh. He continued, “Her and I are fine as we are now, we don’t need a label.”

Your heart dropped, shattered, sunk. His words were like a knife that just stabbed you in the heart, and it definitely was the opposite of the response you desired. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t hurt, but maybe he was right. Maybe a label is not needed, maybe you were just too expectant.

You instantly turned your back and sprinted back to the toilet, not caring if you were making noise. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you were not about to cry. Not now.

The boys had probably noticed your presence from the sounds you made as you shut the toilet door shut, looking into the mirror and turning on the faucet to wash your face.

One half of you was telling you that you should stop hoping, while the other half was telling you to establish what the both of you were,, and it was the only thing you could think about.

Fuck it. You’ll ask him later. 

You stared at your own reflection on the mirror, the features of worry taking over as you bit your lip, praying for the best. If not, you were praying you’d be able to take his response well. You didn’t know which was scarier - losing him or yourself in the process.

“Hyunjin, don’t you think you’re too obsessed with that camera? It’s literally all you ever hold nowadays..” Seungmin grumbled, holding onto Hyunjin who was trying to pull his arm back. Seungmin pulled Hyunjin into the crowd of people, loud music blasting from the speakers that were placed at every corner of the place, people dancing and getting all over each other.

It was a sight that Hyunjin wasn’t unfamiliar with, but a sight that he wasn’t that uncomfortable with. The room was slightly dark, the disco lights flashing rainbow colours and Hyunjin sighed, wishing he was anywhere else but at the club. 

“Now why’d you drag me here again?” Hyunjin grumbled, looking around the room, probably finding something he could photograph. He brought the camera to his eyes, angling it around to find something that could be photographed, whether it was the crowds of people dancing, or the sofa area where people were getting messy with each other.

“You’re such a fucking loser, y’know? Stuck in your room all day, get a girlfriend for fucks sake,” Seungmin hissed, sick of his best friend having an image of a loser. 

“What’s the point? Relationships are so troublesome,” Hyunjin complained, still shifting his body to find anything to photograph until his camera is directly pointed to you, standing at one corner, talking  to one of your girl friends and he accidentally snapped a photo, the flash turning on and he immediately tried to cover the flash with his hand, bringing the camera down frantically.

“Who’re you taking a photo of?” Seungmin followed the direction that Hyunjin was looking at, his eyes landing on you laughing with your other girl friends and he sighs.

“No one, it was an accident,” Hyunjin spat out, clearly flustered that he almost took a photo of a stranger. 

“Are you interested in her?” Seungmin suddenly questioned, causing Hyunjin to choke on hair, putting his hand on his chest as he tried to stop coughing. Seungmin shook his head and patted his friend’s back, helping him to let all the air out.

“It’s okay to be interested. I’m kinda grateful you found something else other than your camera interesting for once,” Seungmin teased, watching Hyunjin recover and stand back straight.

Hyunjin cleared his throat, “Who is she?”. Seungmin smirked at his question, “That’s Y/N, she’s in the same class as me.”

“Is that so?” "Yeah, you like her?" Seungmin turned his neck to him, smirking at the boy. "Yeah."

After Hyunjin said goodbye to the boys at his apartment door, the sounds of the door closing and feet shuffling towards you could be heard. Your eyes were closed, head resting against the cushion of the couch as you folded your arms for extra warmth, and you felt a weight sink you down on the couch beside you. You felt an arm wrap around your shoulders, pulling you to lay on their shoulder and you inhaled a familiar scent, a scent that drove you crazy without fail.

You opened your eyes and looked up at Hyunjin who had his gaze locked onto you, his gaze dark as he scanned your features slowly. Your eyes, nose, lips, and he also studied your behaviour, noticing how you mirrored his actions and how your chest was rising up and down at a slow but steady pace.

His expression was unreadable - as usual, and the amount of thoughts that fill your head became overwhelming. No words were spoken, and you had no idea what was going to happen now that you and him were alone. So many questions you wanted to ask, and you were so afraid that if you said the wrong thing, he was going to slip away. 

“What are you thinking about?” he spat out, finally breaking the silence between the two of you.

You hum in thought, thinking about the right words while looking into his eyes, your eyes flickering to his lips every once in a while and you finally respond, “Us”. It took a lot of confidence for you to confess that, and you bit your lip anxiously, almost instantly regretting it as you thought about how he would react to it. 

The way your eyes constantly flickered to his lips didn’t go unnoticed, and the corner of his mouth curves up, his hands snaking down from around your shoulders to your waist,  bringing you to closer proximity as he leaned in, “What are you talking about, Y/N?”. 

His hot breath hits your lips, his eyelids halfway closed as you finally shoot the question that you’ve been dying to ask, “What are we?”.

In almost an instant, you could feel the mood of the atmosphere change. Hyunjin's breath hitched, leaning backwards and he looked at you, his expression still unreadable.

You loved how handsome he was, but you absolutely despised how you could never read him, never predict how he felt or what he was going to do next. Your eyes fell on his lips, watching how it was opening and you were anticipating his answer.

“It’s late, you should go home,” his tone shifted, sounding cold and distant. “What?” you looked at him, your eyes widened as you felt bewildered at his response. Is that even considered a response?

“You must be tired, let’s talk soon, yeah?” He moved back, removing his arm around your waist as he folded his arms, his gaze averting to the light above the two of you.

“Hyun-”

“I’m tired, Y/N, I can’t bring you home, sorry, I’m going to sleep now, goodnight.”

You watched as he stood up from the couch, the weight beside you disappearing. He was so evidently avoiding eye contact and he started to walk towards his room. Before he could step into his room, you stood up and blurted out, “I heard your conversation earlier!”.

He suddenly freezes, a few moments of silence before he turns around, his eyes finally meeting yours. “It’s not important, I don’t want to talk about it,” he firmly stated. This time, you could tell that he looked uncomfortable, angry even. His eyebrows were furrowed and he was sucking the insides of his cheeks, his jaw clenched.

This sight of him was like another knife added to your heart, and you bit your lip as you slowly nodded, “Okay.”

You didn’t know if it was appropriate, but you spoke up, “Goodnight, Hyun.”

You turned your back on him, picking all your things on the couch before pacing for the door, and as soon as you stepped outside, you slammed his front door shut. Once you were outside, you exhaled as if you were holding in a large amount of air and you leaned against the door, rethinking about what you just asked.

The thing you just asked may have just potentially ruined your entire relationship and you wanted to beat yourself up for it, wanting to turn back time and keep your mouth shut, but whatever’s been done is done, and you just have to wait and see what happens.

Before you knew it, it was the start of a period where he didn’t contact you. Like, at all.

Heck, he even avoided you like the plague. On campus whenever you’d see him, he’d notice you then turn the other away, pretending like he didn’t see you at all. You’d go to the photography club to see him more often and on days you were lucky, he was there, but he’d be occupied talking to someone else.

You’d patiently wait until he was finished conversing with the person but when he was done, he would find an excuse to leave as soon as possible. And every single time he did, he had this unpleasant expression on his face. It was the same one you saw the night you dropped the question on him, and you watched him slip away from you.

With Hyunjin practically gone from your life, you had more free time to hang out with Jay, but everytime you were with Jay on campus, you’d always catch Hyunjin staring at the two of you in your peripheral view, immediately looking away once eye contact was formed.

If you were going to be honest, you felt like shit. Were you seriously in the wrong for wanting to establish something? Wanting to make things official?

The first few days, you cried your eyes out, burying yourself in your blanket and feeling regretful for asking him in the first place. You constantly checked your phone for any notifications from him and reread your past chats to relive the past emotions. Once you even called him on accident, your face going cold but before you could drop the call, he had already rejected it.

Talk about brutal. 

When Hyunjn was gone from your life, your life became peaceful, but was it really peaceful when he intentionally did it without warning? You eventually accepted it, limiting the amount of times you open your chats with him and looking out for him in the hallways. 

3 weeks fly by, and you were so convinced that you’ve moved on from him - except you didn’t.

You tried finding the spark in other guys, like Jay, but your heart never melted for him the same way it did for Hyunjin. Your eyes never scanned the room for him like you did for Hyunjin, and you never checked your phone for his notifications like you did for Hyunjin. 

What made it worse was that even with Hyunjin avoiding you, he was always somehow around you. Always. 

In your favourite cafe whenever you were about to leave, you’d feel someone’s gaze on you and when you look up, you'd accidentally make eye contact with someone and it would've been him. He was definitely watching you the entire time you were there and you remained clueless about it.

Another time when you were eating lunch with Jay, you saw him at the corner of your eye, watching as he sucked his inner cheek and clenching his jaw. 

You felt so many emotions. You felt upset and humiliated because you realised you were being toyed with, longing because you missed his touch and also satisfaction from the way he seemed jealous whenever you were with someone else and that he was always watching you.

It was as if you won the game, having him wrapped around your fingers and following you around like a dog, watching your every move. No matter how much you were in love with him, you were satisfied that you were getting under his skin and getting a reaction out of it, you loved seeing him pissed. It was difficult, but it used up every muscle in you to not lose self-respect to contact him again, whether it was by approaching him in real life or texting him.

You were sitting in front of your mirror, the air conditioner on, windows shut and the room dimly lit as you do your skincare, your thoughts drifting to Hyunjin when you suddenly get a notification.

As you swiped up a fair amount of moisturiser from the container into your index and middle finger, you looked at the direction of where your phone was facing downwards and shrugged it off, thinking that the message can be attended to after your self-care session. You applied the cream on your face, ensuring that each area on your face had equal amounts of it when your phone ding-ed again.

And again.

You raised your eyebrows and rushed to spread the cream evenly on your face, curious to who could be messaging you at this time at night. You hurriedly wiped the remaining cream on your neck as you quickly picked your phone up. You were expecting a spam notification from one of those brands you forgot you subscribed to, or maybe a message from Jay or Jake, but it was one you were never expecting.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : hey im outside

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : open the door 

Your eyes widened as your head shot forward in disbelief. You didn’t know if he was joking and was about to just turn your phone off until another one came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : please

Next thing you know, you swung your apartment door open to reveal a Hyunjin who was panting, probably from running, his leather jacket wrapped around his wide figure and you eyed him up and down, not believing the sight in front of you. You knew that you were going to see him again, but you never expected it to be at his own accord. Your jaw dropped slightly, your eyes scanning his entire figure.

“I’m cold, can I please go inside?”

Still slightly confused, you nodded your head slowly and moved aside, gesturing for him to go inside and he gave you a small smile, stepping in and you closed the door as he entered. You watched as he removed his shoes and placed it at the rack at the spot he usually places it.

Without looking back, he stepped into your living room as if he hadn't ignored your existence for  3 whole weeks.

You quickly followed behind him, watching his every move. It almost felt unreal that Hyunjin himself was in your living room, walking around. He set himself down on your couch, a loud sigh leaving him and he pursed his lips, looking up at you. Eye contact with Hyunjin wasn’t new, but with the thing of him ghosting you, you almost thought you were dreaming. You stared at him with your mouth slightly agape, your eyes not blinking even once as he chuckled.

“Why.. are you here?” you finally mutter out the question that confused you the most.

“I missed you,” he replied with no hesitation.

You were taken aback at how easily he could just show up at your place out of nowhere and just admit he misses you after ghosting your entire existence for a long period of time. 

“What the fuck?” you blurted out, features of disgust taking over you.

“Look, I know I ignored you, okay? But-” “Yeah, you better have known you fucking did.”

He sighed, looking down and leaning forward, his arms resting on his knees and hands clamped together before continuing, “I just needed time. Time for myself.”

“For what exactly?” you shook your head in disbelief.

“I don’t know, my head was just.. Kinda all over the place,” there was a moment of silence before he continued, “I’m here because I want to make it up to you.”

“I’m not forgiving you so easily, Hyunjin. You threw me away too easily for 3 whole weeks.” “You’re counting?” “Of course I am, dipshit!” you shot and he only shook his head, a playful smile on his face indicating he wasn’t taking you seriously.

“I know it won’t be easy, but just give me another chance, hmm?” he pleaded, his eyes lighting up as he looked up at you, flashing a small pout. 

You cross your arms, biting your lip as your mind gets flooded with so many thoughts. You wanted to forgive him, but you were afraid he was going to throw you away again. You wanted to shut him out, but you feel empty without him. “You can’t just leave and expect me to accept you into my life so easily,” you shot, feeling overwhelmed that you had to make a decision.

He stared at you in silence, so many thoughts behind his eyes before he suddenly held his hand up, “Let’s go on a walk”.

You tilted your neck, “Are you crazy?!’. You turned your head to look at the clock hanging near you, “It’s literally past midnight, Hyunjin!”.

“I know,” he replied, with no emotions in his voice. “I’ll bring you to eat your favourite,” he added.

“It’s cold outside,” you gave another excuse. He immediately unzipped his jacket, discarding it from his body and offered it to you. You shook your head in disbelief, “I just can’t-”.

“Please? Pretty sure your favourite cafe is still open, and I know a few photography spots if you wanna bring your camera along,” he asked again, his words so tempting. You sighed, not believing what you were going to say next, “Fine”.

That night, he brought you out to Chronos Brews, treated you to anything you wanted and you two eventually started to talk again, though you had your guard up.

You brought your camera and he really did bring you to a few photography spots that were amazing despite it being night time. You did this once.

And twice.

Thrice.

A fourth time wouldn’t hurt right?

He was now the one frequently messaging you, double-texting (sometimes even triple) and calling you at night just to hear your voice, and facetime you just to see your face. He even brought you flowers on a random occasion and you two went to school together, frequently heading to the photography club to chill together afterwards and hanging out afterwards. It was like how it was before, but you saw him even more frequently and you had no idea if it was a good or bad thing. But as long as your heart feels happy, right?

Frequently when you were with him, you’ve always felt a bit scared that he would just slip away again, part of you thinking it was because you asked the question but you tried to brush it off, thinking that you were just overreacting and that you should just be happy with whatever you have now. 

Everything is so perfect now, why ruin it because of your overthinking?

You laid in his bed, his arms wrapped around you as he gently caressed and patted your back, his touch making you feel sleepy. The past few days have been amazing. Hyunjin was now doing everything that a boyfriend would do - bringing you more flowers, playing songs on his guitar for you, calling you every night just because he wanted to hear your voice and see your face, acting intimate with you even in the public eye.

He surely seemed more serious about you, wanting to show everyone that you belonged only to him, glaring and threatening anyone else who showed signs that they wanted to hit on you or even befriend you. You looked up at him, the way his eyes were closed and his bangs were covering his eyebrows, looking so peaceful.

You could tell that he was gradually falling asleep from how his hand movements got slower and weaker, and you only stared at his features, softly giggling to yourself about how cute he looked. His chest rose up and down slowly, his body completely relaxed with you in his arms and you could only wish that you and him could stay like this forever.

Sitting on his couch, your eyes were glued to his bare back as he stood at his kitchen sink, washing the dishes after you and him had eaten dinner together. You softly smiled, feeling comforted by his presence, finally feeling like he wanted you as much as you wanted him.

“Hyun,” you softly called out, and he hummed in response, his head slightly turning over his shoulder as he continued to wash the dishes.

“Come here, quick,” you pleaded, wanted to feel his warmth again and he chuckles, nodding his head but not sparing a glance at you. You observed as he finished washing the dishes, placing the plates on the drying rack and washing his hands before he turned his back, eyes forming eye contact and he approached you with a small grin on his face.

He sat himself beside you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder and pulling you to his chest, “Miss me that much?”. You giggled and nodded your head, ruffling your head into his neck. 

“Hyun,” you softly called out, your heart starting to beat faster as you mustered up courage to shoot the question again.

You continued, “Can I ask you a question?”. He hummed, caressing your shoulder with his thumb, and you shot your gaze at him, looking at him with doe eyes. 

“What is it, Y/N?” he smiled down at you, his eyes filled with affection. Looking at how comfortable he was, it warmed up your heart and made your chest feel fuzzy, butterflies filling your stomach and you couldn’t help but feel that your feelings were being properly reciprocated. 

“Promise me you won’t get mad?” you asked, suddenly feeling hesitant. You had faith that he wouldn’t get angry anymore from how much the two of you have been bonding the past few weeks, but you still felt dubious since you remember how fast he switched up the last time you asked him the question. You were afraid he was going to slip away again, but you were hoping that this time he’d react differently.

“As long as it’s not that one dumbass question, I won’t,” he chuckled and your heart instantly dropped. Your smile started to fade and you blinked at him in confusion,

“What ‘dumbass’ question are you.. Referring to?”.

“That stupid ‘what are we’ question or whatever you asked last time,” he spoke, the smile on his face remaining which caused your heart to shatter. Even after all this time with you, he still didn’t want to establish anything and even called the question ‘stupid’.

You immediately pulled away from him, features of hurt on your face as it was now his turn to be confused, the warmth he felt from you slowly disappearing. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked, and the way he was so clueless made you feel so irritated, “Oh..” he now understood your reaction, “Don’t tell me you were going to ask that shit again..”.

“I don’t see what’s so ‘stupid’ about it, Hyunjin” you spat out, frowning your eyebrows as you felt a knife stab your heart.

“No-” he seemed flabbergasted by your response and scoffed, “I don’t see what’s so important about knowing what we are, Y/N,” his words twisted the knife in your heart, and you clenched your fists, your fingers turning paper white from how tightly you were clenching them, “Can’t we just be happy as we are? Don’t you think it’s fun?”

“It’s not fucking fun, Hyunjin!” you snapped, and his eyes widened, taken aback that you raised your voice at him. He stared at you, his jaw dropped and his eyes darkened, his eyes expressing how infuriated he felt.  You continued, “I’m worried every single fucking day that you’re going to just suddenly slip away one day, Hyun,” you bit your lip and your voice started to crack, “Why don’t you want the same thing? After everything?”.

He took a deep breath and turned away for a second, huffing air afterwards and causing his bangs to fly up. “Do you realise how much of a clingy, annoying bitch you sound right now?!” he yelled, causing you to flinch. Your eyes widened as you realised what he said, bewildered that he could say such degrading words to you. You both stared at each other, the weight of the air being heavy and the knife in your heart twisting even more now.

“Clingy.. Annoying.. Bitch?” you repeated, your voice soft and in disbelief as you still needed to process what he said to you.

“I thought you were different, Y/N, it was more fun when you weren’t worried about all these shitty things,” he continued, and you shook your head. “Since I’m not so fucking different, then I can just walk out right now, can’t I?” you stood up from the couch, your body still fully facing him as you kept your guard up in case he tried to do anything to you. 

“Fuck, just go! I don’t give a fuck!” he yelled and you could feel tears forming in your eyes, but you weren’t crying. Not right now, not in front of him. You weren’t going to let a dick break your heart and make you feel sad. You flashed him a hurt expression and almost in a snap, his facial expression softened, “Wait- Y/N- I didn’t mean tha-”

“I’ll go since you want me gone so bad,” you stormed to his room to take the bag that was laying on the floor, looking around to ensure you left nothing behind. He quickly followed behind you, trying to get you to look at him, “Y/N, please look at me”.

You ignored all his pleads, not even sparing him a glance as you walked past him out of his room, already heading straight for the door. He grabbed your wrist and you stopped moving, “Please, I didn’t mean that Y/N and you know that”.

You flicked his hand away from your wrist, turning your body to look at him, tears already breaking free from your eyes as you shouted, “I’m fucking sick of being treated just as one of your toys! I’m done Hyun, I don’t wanna see you anymore!”

“I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean it-”

“I’m done. I’m done with.. whatever we have!”

You turned your back to him, heading straight for the door. This was the moment you’d never thought you’d be experiencing so soon. You were so afraid of the day that this was going to happen, and now that it happened, you had no idea how to feel. You opened his front door and looked at him one more time before stepping out and slamming the door shut. 

The day you left, he tried to contact you multiple times, whether it was call, text, going to your house, approaching you in school, but you brushed him away every single time. You didn't want to deal with his bullshit anymore, but he wanted you to let you understand his perspective. The last time you saw him, he mentioned a time, date and location. You had the choice to go, but you didn't know if you were going to meet him. You didn't know if you were ready or if it was worth hearing it.

That day eventually came, and you were just hugging your pillow, all cozy in your bed. Your phone vibrated and you lazily rolled over your bed to pick it up and see what notification you received. Your heart aching when you realised it was from him, a feeling you were so familiar with.

hwangjin : hey

hwangjin : you remember we're meeting up right?

You knew that if you went, it could possibly be the end of everything. A part of you was so afraid of what he was going to say. You were about to turn off your phone until more notifications came in.

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i'm really sorry, okay?

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : i really hope you come

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : give me a chance to explain myself

hwangjin ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ : okay?

You received another notification which broke your train of thought.

Weather Alert: 🌧️ Heavy Rain Expected! 🌧️ Get ready for showers! Rain is expected to start within the next hour and continue throughout the evening. Make sure to carry an umbrella and stay safe.

"Y/N!" the familiar voice called out to you, and you scanned around the cafe until you spotted the figure that was aggressively waving his hands and looking at you.

You sighed at the sight of him, not looking forward to the conversation you two are going to have. You took your time to walk to him, dragging the chair opposite of him and sitting yourself down, his eyes locked onto you and watching your every move.

You set your eyes on the table, realising how all your favourite items from the menu were nicely set down and you looked up at him, noticing his guilty expression.

"I.. bought your favourite!" His voice sounded nervous, and you looked at the classic New York cheesecake that was served on a nice small rounded plate, accompanied by the usual passion yoghurt smoothie that was packaged in a plastic cup, a small amount of whipping cream overflowing from the hole of the dome lid.

You raised your eyebrows at him, praying that whatever explanation he had would be convincing enough and make your anger for him perish.

You pick up the small fork that was resting on the plate and stab the cake, putting the cake to your mouth and chewing. You didn't say a single word, you wanted him to do all the talking so you could evaluate to see if he was even being serious about wanting to clear up the misunderstandings you both shared.

You savored the sweet taste that filled your taste buds as you continued to eat on the cake, patiently waiting for him to speak up.

"Y/N..." your eyes travelled to his, raising your eyebrows as you anticipated what he was going to say. "I love you."

You dropped your fork to the floor, creating a loud metallic sound across the entire cafe. You received glances from other people, but they quickly went back to their business. You blinked at Hyunjin in disbelief to what he had just confessed, and your mind that was overflowing with thoughts suddenly cleared up.

His confession didn't particularly make you feel overjoyed, just shocked. You'd be lying if you said you would have expected this.

"You.. love me?" you blurted out, still feeling taken aback by his sudden confession when you were expecting him to do anything else, like apologise or whatever.

"Yes. Yes I do," his voice sounded serious. You were never expecting the day that Hyunjin, your situationship, was going to be direct with his feelings and not fucking around.

"How so?" you shot out, curious as to his reasons on why he 'loves' you. A soft thunder accompanied your question, adding more suspense to the situation.

He looked slightly taken aback by your sudden question before he cleared his throat and looked around, blood rushing to the tips of his ears and a hint of pink flashing.

"I.. love the way you look so gorgeous" he hesitated, but he looked relieved after mustering up the courage to voice it out. You didn't feel satisfied one bit. You only felt annoyed at his answer, scoffing upon hearing it. "Okayyy? That's all?".

He seemed slightly puzzled as to how the first reason wasn't sufficient, but he cleared his throat and continued, "I like the way you kiss me.. hug me..". You rolled your eyes, not feeling a pinch of sincerity in his words and you sat back, folding your arms.

"Are you serious right now?" you scowled. Even a kid in elementary school could show more sincerity than Hyunjin, and this thought made you just want to slap him and leave him.

"Why wouldn't I be, Y/N?" he asked, giving you the puppy eyes before you roll your eyes once more, the annoyed feeling slowly turning into irritation. You spat out, "Let's be serious, Hyunjin. You're only with me for fun". A louder thunder was followed by your words, the sound of rain dropping commencing.

His facial expression immediately showed that he felt offended, and he defended himself, "If I was only with you for fun, I wouldn't be thinking about you every fucking second!".

'Now that's what I'm talking about.' you thought.

He continued to rambled on, "I wouldn't be imagining you while messing around with other people, or—"

"Okay, so what are we?"

He fell silent but he continued to stare at you, noticing the grimace on your face. He finally spoke up after a while, "We're friends".

'Ouch,' you thought.

"So we're friends that hug, kiss and get jealous over each other?" you contradicted his statement, your tone filled with sarcasm.

"Friends with benefits?" he stated, almost sounding confused and it made you want to scream at him.

"No.." you stood up from your chair, taking your belongings and he mirrors your actions, immediately standing up and panicking and feeling puzzled as to why you were preparing to leave. "Y/N—"

"No. I don't want to do this anymore." you stated, tears slowly forming in your eyes as you shot a glare at Hyunjin. He bit his lips and seemed unsure of what to do, and this sight of him broke your heart even more.

You picked up your bag, storming out and upon opening the front door of the cafe, you soon realised that it was pouring heavily, but it was the least of your concerns. You stepped out into the rain, feeling the cold water hit your skin and you shivered at the contrast in temperatures from inside and outside of the cafe.

You heard a voice behind you, "Wait, please!". You knew it was him, and it took every part of you to just not turn around and just continue walking, but you were forced to a stop when he gripped your wrist tightly to prevent you from walking even further. "Please.. can we just please talk?".

"I'm just.. so fucking confused! What the hell are we?!" you cried out, throwing his hand and turning your body to him, your tears continuously running down your cheeks but blending with the raindrops that fell onto your face. Your face wrinkled up, feeling so furious yet the emptiness in your heart yearning so much for Hyunjin.

Hyunjin's gaze softened at you, his eyes showing remorse as he cupped your cheeks, pecking your forehead before resting his forehead on yours. You continued, "I don't see a point in this, you already stated clearly that we're just friends with benefits, you don't want a label, but that's exactly what I want, Hyunjin".

"You love me, and I love you, so I don't see why it's so hard to—" you rambled on but your words were quickly put to a stop when he placed his lips on yours. Your hands immediately snaked up to his scalp, grabbing his hair while he cupped your cheeks, pulling your face closer to him. The kiss was slow and intimate, and it was almost like all your problems and misunderstanding vanished in one second.

The rain continued to pour, both of your bodies getting increasingly drenched but it was a problem that didn't bother you and Hyunjin. The warmth that was filling your bodies was sufficient, and the burning desire for each other only brought the two of you closer.

He tilted his neck in desperation to gain more access to you. He softly nibbled on your bottom lip, silently asking for permission for you to open your mouth, and without any reluctance, you opened your mouth.

Your tongue is immediately met with his, and they are swirling against each other. He took this chance to explore your mouth, your heart slowly melting at the passionate kiss. Blood rushed to your faces, both of your faces being a bright red as you both were desperate to sate your desires for each other.

It was obvious, you two were made for each other. Regardless if there was a label or not, you both always ran back into each other.

He softly pulled away, his eyes locked onto yours as he beamed at you. You returned an annoyed smile, and you ran your hand through his dripping hair, slicking it back.

"Please just tell me, I don't want to just be your 'maybe', Hyun," you stared into him, your gaze intense.

"For all I know, you aren't just a 'maybe', Y/N," he replied.

There were a few moments of silence before he continued, "I'm scared, Y/N, I really am," he tucked a hair that stuck to your face behind your ear, the raindrops never stopping to drench your bodies, "But I wanna figure it out with you, please".

You shook your head, not feeling completely satisfied but you were feeling happy that he was honest. He finally opened up to you, and you felt like it was a big improvement.

You two stared at each other for a moment, and you chuckled at the sight of him, warmth filling your heart as you felt like everything had changed. Realising that you were chuckling at him, he stuck his tongue out at you, and pecking your cheek afterwards, holding you oh-so-gently.

"Don't hurt me again," you said, but it came out as a raspy whisper and he slowly nodded.

"Of course," he replied. "I love you," he blurted out and it caught you off-guard, but you quickly composed yourself and chuckled at him, squeezing his cheek, "You're so adorable, you know?".

"Don't tease me, god,"

"I love you too," you replied. "I know you do"

And he pulled you into another kiss.

taglist! : @chwesuh-imnida @hyunlvrs @aft2rsexs @laylasbunbunny @neosracha @axhyyy @zennnnny @superbbananananana

@tsunderelino @skzdedgf (just thought you'd like to get tagged!)

[megalony]

Doctor Diaz

This is an Eddie x reader x Evan imagine, based on a lovely anon request with lots of fluff. I hope you will all like it, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem@sj-thefanthefan@hellsdragon@im-an-adult-ish@crazylittlethingg@allauraleigh@onceuponadetectivedemigod@ceres27@avyannadawn@sleepylunarwolf@coverupps@justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii  @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth

Eddie Diaz Masterlist

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: When all three kids and both his partners are unwell, Eddie stays home to take care of them all. Even if they aren't the best patients in the world.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sigh burned past Eddie's lips when he walked back into the bedroom. His hands found his hips and his jaw locked as he stared over at the bed with an unamused expression.

What was he doing? Evan had one leg hanging off the side of the bed, his arm stretched out on the bedside table and his face squashed into the pillow as he laid on his stomach. He was supposed to be getting up for work, not going back to sleep. Their alarm had already gone off. Eddie had gotten up, showered and dressed whereas Evan seemed to have forgotten all about their alarm and dozed back to sleep.

"Buck, come on we're gonna be late." Moving across to the bed, Eddie jolted Evan's leg and gave him a shake to gain his attention. But his eyes kept drifting across to (Y/n).

She wasn't well. For the past two days (Y/n) had been feeling sick and now she'd developed a cough. Eddie was pretty sure she had the flu but (Y/n) was stubborn. She would carry on as if nothing was wrong until she dropped. But right now, (Y/n) was curled up on the other side of the bed, arms and knees drawn up to her stomach and a sick bowl on the floor in case she couldn't make it to the bathroom.

"Hm?"

"We've got work today, remember? Buck you gotta help me here I haven't even got Chris up yet or the twins."

"I'm up, I'm up babe." Evan pushed up on his hands and managed to get himself sitting up on the side of the bed. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes with the base of his hand to try and wake himself up.

With a groan, Evan pushed up off the bed but the moment he was on his feet, it felt like someone tilted the room ninety degrees to the side.

His head tilted to the left and suddenly the rest of his body was following until he felt a pair of tense, strong arms binding around his waist. Evan's head crashed into Eddie's shoulder and he felt the way Eddie's chest rumbled as he held Evan up and stopped him from hitting the floor.

"Fuck, babe you're burning up. You two are out of action today, you gotta stay home." Eddie almost smiled when Evan huffed but he didn't protest when Eddie gently shuffled him back and laid him down on the bed.

Evan had picked up whatever flu or illness (Y/n) had gotten.

That meant (Y/n), Evan and one of the twins were now all bed-ridden.

Reaching into the top side drawer, Eddie found the thermometer and gently cupped Evan's jaw and tilted his head to the side. He smiled softly at the confusion on Evan's face when the thermometer pressed into his ear but when it beeped, Evan weakly grabbed Eddie's wrist.

"What's it say?"

"Thirty-eight point eight. You're sick." Eddie kissed Evan's temple before he moved to leave the room. He needed to get Chris up and ready and take him to school, then he could call Bobby and say both he and Evan weren't coming in today.

There was no way Eddie could go to work when both his partners were ill, it wouldn't be fair to leave them bed-ridden but needing to look after the twins.

"Chris, you up yet bud, we need to get ready." Eddie knocked on the door before he walked in and opened the curtains, but he sighed when he turned around. Chris pulled the cover up over his head and grumbled.

"No."

Eddie's teeth punctured down into his bottom lip and he slumped down on the side of Chris's bed and gently pulled the cover down. He pressed the back of his hand against Chris's head and when he felt a sheen of sweat, he got the thermometer out his back pocket and pressed it into his ear.

"Oh God, you too. Alright, no school today, everyone's staying home. Do you feel sick?" Chris had a temperature too. He couldn't send Chris to school with a temperature when he had been exposed to whatever flu (Y/n) and Evan had. He would spread it on and it wouldn't be fair to send him when he clearly wasn't feeling well either.

Reaching up, Chris pressed his hand to his forehead before he pulled the cover up over his head and curled up on his side. He had a horrible headache, he felt cold and his stomach was now churning up. He wanted to snuggle back down in bed and go to sleep.

He felt Eddie pat his back before he got up and closed the curtains again and headed out of Chris's room. He would give him a few minutes to settle and relax and then he would get him some medicine.

"Are you two awake?" He wandered down the hall into the nursery and flicked the light on.

A soft smile took over Eddie's features as he looked around the room and made his way over to Nate first since he was already sitting up. Eddie leaned over the crib and scooped the toddler up, settling him on his chest. He rubbed his hand up and down Nate's back and listened to the way he croaked and coughed as he tried to take deep breaths.

As soon as (Y/n) got sick, Nate was the next one to get it. All day yesterday he had been coughing and had gone off his food the same as (Y/n). The pair of them spent most of the day yesterday in bed while Evan looked after Robin and tried to stop her from getting the sickness too.

Eddie quickly checked Nate's temperature which wasn't as high as Chris or Evan's, but it still wasn't where it was supposed to be. And with him still coughing up a storm, it told Eddie that most of his family were now ill.

"Mummy."

"You wanna go lay with mummy and pops for a while?" When Nate nodded, Eddie turned round and made his way back into their room.

He wasn't surprised to find Evan already fast asleep and he carefully eased Nate down into the middle of the bed. He watched Nate wriggle around and flop onto Evan's chest since he was laid on his back and (Y/n) was curled up on her side.

Eddie wandered back into the nursery and moved to go and get Robin. He leaned over her crib and gently scooped the two year old up and his heart fell down to his stomach when she began to cry. Her eyes were puffy and sore, her nose was runny and she was burning up. When he checked her temperature, he threw his head back and groaned.

"Oh, not you as well baby girl."

Eddie was officially the only one in the house who wasn't sick. Yet.

He turned around and started to sway Robin from side to side as he fished his phone out his back pocket and scrolled down for Bobby's contact.

"Hey Cap… I don't think me and Buck are gonna be able to come in today. Everyone's got the flu, I mean everyone. Except me. I think I'm gonna be playing doctor today."

Eddie was in for a day full of fun.

***

"What are you doing?"

(Y/n) tried to swallow down the cough building up in her chest and scratching the back of her throat. She tilted her head forward and merged her face into the side of the bed as her arms dropped down at her sides and she tried to take a deep breath.

She didn't bother to lift her head or look up when she felt Eddie's hands on her shoulders but she smiled when she felt his lips merge with the back of her head.

"Stripping the beds." Her head flopped back on the bed and she opened her blurry eyes enough to look up at Eddie hovering behind her. "Chris threw up." She added quietly and gestured to the wash basket she had in front of her.

When she and Evan finally gathered enough strength to leave the bed, (Y/n) thought it would be a good idea to strip the bedding and wash it. And then Chris came through to tell her he'd thrown up in bed, so (Y/n) came into his room to change his bed too. Halfway through stripping the sheets, (Y/n) lost momentum and all the energy she had tried to gather up.

She sat down on the floor and finished stripping the bed down here, but now she didn't have the strength or the willpower to get back up. She felt like falling asleep here, slumped against the bed.

"Okay, and why're you doing that when you're sick?" Eddie pushed the wash basket away from her and knelt down at her side with a pointed look that made (Y/n) shiver.

"Because we have three sick kids and Evan-"

"And you. I'm not sick, so you leave this to me. Go sit down." Eddie slipped his hands beneath (Y/n)'s arms and carefully lifted her up but he could see once she was on her feet, she felt even worse.

(Y/n) took a moment to grip Eddie's arm and gather her breath back and her strength before she slowly shuffled out the room. Once she was in the hall, (Y/n) leaned her weight onto the wall and shuffled along the wall to keep herself upright.

Her head started to spin when she reached the hall but she tried to smile when Nate toddled up to her. He held his beaker out towards her, silently asking for a refill and (Y/n) nodded. She took the pale lilac sippy cup from him and let him guide her into the kitchen. He was wearing his Fireman Sam pyjamas and his hair was toussled and stuck up in all directions.

"What do you want, baby?"

"Milk."

"Okay." (Y/n) slumped her weight onto the fridge but the bottle of milk felt like it weighed a ton when she tried to pick it up. She flopped the bottle onto the counter and her hand shook so badly when she tried to pour it into a mug that half the contents spilled on the counter instead.

She shoved the mug into the microwave and flopped her elbows on the counter so she could slump forward.

She could feel Nate wrap his arms around her leg and cling to her and (Y/n) groaned quietly when her head felt like it was being stuffed with cotton wool. Slowly, (Y/n) let go of Nate's beaker and lowered herself down until she was knelt on the floor in front of the washing machine.

Her legs spread out in front of her and she let Nate climb onto hr lap and cuddle up into her stomach. He bound his arms around her waist and burrowed into her, coughing and grumbling into her chest.

"Mummy, milk." Nate whispered when the microwave dinged, but he was already half asleep with (Y/n)'s arms wrapped round him and her lips smothering the top of his head. He snuggled his face into her chest and closed his eyes as they stayed cuddling on the kitchen floor and (Y/n) hummed into his hair.

She didn't like feeling unwell. (Y/n) didn't like having zero energy like this or feeling the need to sit down every five seconds. When she was pregnant with the twins she had felt fine, right up until she hit thirty weeks. Then she could barely walk around the house without feeling like she wanted to be sick or like her back was about to break.

(Y/n) was used to trying to power through when she wasn't well.

They had Chris and twins who were all unwell and needed looking after, and Evan was coughing up a storm and coming down with vertigo. (Y/n) couldn't be out of action as well when all the kids needed love and comfort. And the house needed tidying, the beds needed changing, washing needed to be done and drinks needed to be made. She couldn't leave it all for Eddie.

"Baby what are you doing down there?" Eddie dumped the wash basket down at his side and crouched down in front of the pair of them with an unimpressed look. He wanted (Y/n) to go and sit down in the living room, not here on the floor.

"Making a drink," (Y/n) mumbled back, but she could scarcely open her eyes to look over at Eddie. And when she tried to lean back and look up at him, her body swayed and slumped back into the counter.

"Yeah, from down here?"

She didn't have the energy to answer back or the time to think up some snappy response. All (Y/n) could do was close her eyes because her head was pounding and she felt like she needed to be sick again. Her limbs were too heavy to move, but she needed to get up and make Nate and Robin a drink each and put the washing on that Eddie had brought through.

"You are a very bad patient. You know that? Come here, mi amor." Eddie didn't like how stubborn (Y/n) became when she was ill.

He leaned out and slipped one arm around her back and the other beneath her knees. He made sure she still had her arms around Nate and that he was stable on her chest and abdomen before he pulled (Y/n) into his chest and carefully stood up.

Her head flopped on his shoulder and Nate snuggled up against both their chests while Eddie turned around and walked out the kitchen and head into the living room.

His eyes glanced around and he smiled softly. The curtains were closed, the lamp was on and both his other boys were in here. Chris had reclined the armchair and was curled up, snuggled under a fluffy blanket as he was now fast asleep. And Evan was on the sofa, slouched down with his feet up on the coffee table.

Evan was only wearing his boxers. He was feeling the heat his body was giving off, unlike (Y/n) and Chris who were feeling the cold. And he was still sweating out his fever so he decided to forgo clothes and a blanket today.

Walking across to the other side of the sofa, Eddie bent down and carefully eased (Y/n) onto the sofa, trying his best to be gentle. He smiled when (Y/n) flopped onto Evan, resting her head on his shoulder as she brought her knees up and cuddled Nate into her chest. Eddie was about to pull back until Nate reached out and gingerly grabbed his wrist.

"Daddy, drink. Please?"

"I'll get you a drink, baby. You're all having your medicine now, anyway." He kissed Nate's head before he pulled up and looked around.

Where was Robin? She had been sat with Evan when Eddie went to look for (Y/n) and see what she was doing. All morning, Robin had clung to Eddie and been his little shadow. When he went into the kitchen to get meds for everyone, Robin had followed behind him. When he tried to tidy up, she had clung to his leg until he picked her up and carried her around for an hour doing odd jobs around the house.

She barely let Eddie out of her sight this morning while Evan and Chris stayed asleep in bed and (Y/n) tended to Nate.

Eddie made his way back towards the kitchen but he stopped midway and looked down the hall. His hands found his hips and a small smirk lit up his face as he watched his daughter.

Robin waddled out of her parents room, her blanket clung to her chest which also draped around her feet and almost tripped her up. She had a pacifier between her teeth and tears were slowly trickling down her face. She was looking for him. He had left her in the living room with Evan and now she was scouting round the house to find him.

"I'm over here, baby girl."

As soon as his voice hit her ears, Robin whined and began crying as she stumbled over her blanket and trotted down the hall. Her arms stretched out and she waited impatiently for Eddie to scoop her up. He wrapped the blanket around her, obscuring the Fireman Sam pyjamas she was wearing which matched Nate's.

Eddie settled her on his chest and soothingly rubbed his hand up and down her back as she croaked, coughed and whined into his neck.

"It's okay, you're okay baby." He smothered his lips against her temple and made his way into the kitchen, cuddling Robin close as he hummed against her temple.

He took the mug of milk out the microwave and slowly poured it into two beakers and handed one to Robin. He pinched the pacifier from her lips and tucked it safely into his pocket so she could have a drink before he turned to rummage around in the cupboard.

"Alright, take this for me please." Eddie filled a syringe with medicine and hovered it near Robin until she took the medicine. Her nose crinkled and she coughed, shaking her head before she began to cry again. "You're fine," He murmured softly as he chucked the syringe in the sink and filled another one for Nate.

Eddie knew when he got into the lounge that if he tried setting Robin down, she was going to scream. The way she clutched his shirt in her hand told him she wasn't willing to be parted from him yet. So he bent down in front of the sofa and juggled his little girl in his left hand, bouncing her on his hip to try and keep her settled and happy before he nudged Nate.

"Medicine, then your drink." He took the medicine without a complaint and smiled tiredly when he finally got his beaker of milk. "Good boy."

Eddie headed back into the kitchen and found one of the twin's trays that he set out on the side. He found a handful of small medicine pots in the cupboard and laid them out before he looked around for the meds he had gotten out earlier. Suddenly, Eddie felt like he was working in a hospital going on a medication round.

"Okay mummy, pops, Chris… and me."

Eddie popped some painkillers into a medicine pot for (Y/n), then poured some of Chris's medicine into another as he didn't take tablets. They were hard for him to swallow so they always got him soluble in case he choked. He poured cough syrup into three small pots for each of them, and dissolved some high strength painkillers in a glass of water for Evan.

He then popped some more painkillers for himself and downed them with a glass of water. There was no chance Eddie was taking the risk of getting sick himself. He was surrounded by sickness. He was helping (Y/n) and Evan move about the house, the twins were coughing and sweating on him and he was constantly moving and cuddling Chris. If Eddie didn't take painkillers, he would definitely come down with whatever his family had.

He was surprised he was the only one in the house left standing who hadn't fell down with the flu yet.

With a few glasses of juice and a pack of cough sweets on the tray, Eddie nodded that he had got everything. He juggled Robin in one arm and the tray on his other hand and headed back into the living room where his sick family were harbouring.

"Chris… wake up buddy, you need your medicine."

Chris tiredly opened his eyes and uncurled his arms from beneath his blanket. He didn't look best pleased about taking more medicine, but he never complained. He knew it was easier to take the medicine than spit it out like Robin had been prone to do quite a lot.

He downed the small pot of medicine, then the cough syrup, then gladly took the cough sweet he was handed and watched Eddie set a cup of juice on the side table for him.

"Babe, your turn." Eddie patted Evan's leg and crouched down beside the sofa, watching intently as Evan groggily opened his eyes and cracked a small smile.

When he was handed a cup of dissolved meds, Evan gave it a swirl before he closed his eyes and downed it in one. His lips curled in distaste and he shook his head but managed to keep it down. Dissolved medication always tasted horrid and made his throat tighten up and he felt the urge to throw it straight back up. But Evan could keep it down, whereas (Y/n) threw it up instantly if she tried.

It was better to take because dissolved meds got into the system quicker and acted faster, but (Y/n) would take the risk of waiting longer to feel better.

Once it was gone, Eddie swapped Evan's glass for a pot of cough syrup and put a glass of juice down on the side for him. He grinned when Eddie hovered over him and pressed the back of his hand against his temple. And his smile turned cheesy when Eddie cupped his neck and felt his pulse.

Evan had been the one who could barely walk this morning. Vertigo took over him within seconds and Eddie had to heave him down the hall to get him from the bathroom into the lounge.

"Am I good?"

"You're still burning up."

"Hm. Is there Lucozade in the fridge? That's good for glucose and energy levels, right?" Evan scratched the back of his head and tried to lift his head up from the back of the sofa but it only made him feel dizzy. He slouched back down and leaned his head back into the cushion as he watched Eddie give him a certain look.

"I'll have a look later, you don't need glucose you need rest." Eddie wasn't hyping Evan up on an energy drink that was meant to keep him active and moving about. Evan needed to rest and sleep right now, not try and boost his levels and hurry about the house.

"You should take some painkillers too, so you don't get it."

"I have, babe. I am a medic, you know. And I'm not getting sick, not because of any of you."

"Wanna bet?" Evan pushed his head forward before he had the chance to feel dizzy and stole a kiss from Eddie. He loved the unimpressed look in Eddie's eyes and the way his lips rolled together like he was trying not to frown or be stern. And just to tease him, Evan stole another kiss and sank his teeth down into Eddie's lower lip to make him groan.

His head flopped back and he lazily reached an arm out to brush Robin's cheek as she finished the last of her drink.

Turning his head, Evan looked down at (Y/n) and gently moved his elbow she was leaning on to gain her attention. It was her turn for meds. "You haven't got the soluble stuff for her, have you? She'll puke it back up-"

"I'm the doctor, you're the patient Buck. I know what I'm doing." Eddie grabbed the pot of painkillers and gave them a shake in front of Evan to make his point. He knew their girlfriend just as well as Evan did, he knew she wouldn't take dissolved painkillers and she couldn't take normal painkillers without a drink either.

A tired, weak smile flooded (Y/n)'s lips when she opened her eyes and found Eddie holding out a pot of meds for her. She took them without complaint and swigged half the glass of juice he held out, grimacing as it felt like the tablets got stuck halfway down her neck.

She downed the cough medicine Eddie handed over before she snuggled back down into Evan's side and tucked Nate higher up on her chest. He was dozing back off to sleep now that he'd finished his drink and taken his medicine.

"Can you go to pops for a while so I can tidy up, hm baby?" Eddie bounced Robin on his hip and looked over at Evan who already had his arms stretched out for his baby girl.

Robin let Eddie ease her down onto Evan's bare chest and she instantly snuggled down into him when she realised how warm he was. But she held out her beaker to Eddie and started to whine until he swapped it for the pacifier in his back pocket.

Her head tucked down beneath Evan's chin and her arms looped around his neck as she curled her legs around his waist and burrowed down into him. Her weight on Evan's chest was comforting but it also made him cough and wheeze, which he did his best to smother so he didn't upset her.

"Can you all stay in here now please? I don't wanna find anyone collapsed in the hall or disappearing around the house. Stay here and rest." Eddie gave them all a pointed look as he planted his hands down on his hips and looked around his family.

"Yes doctor Diaz." (Y/n) whispered softly as she moved to lay her head down on Evan's lap and laid out across the sofa with Nate cuddled into her chest and stomach.

"Diaz-Buckley." Chris corrected, eyes half-lidded as he shimmied back down in the chair and bundled back under the blanket.

Eddie nodded when they all seemed to understand his orders and he smiled before he trailed back into the kitchen to put the washing on and tidy up. He started humming a tune quietly to himself when he heard the music from the tv. He wasn't sure what movie they were all watching. Eddie wasn't so sure any of them were even watching it anymore, they were halfway to sleep and by the time he went back, he knew they would all be fast asleep.

That was what he wanted. He wanted all his family to be asleep and resting so they could get better. Eddie loved each one of them to pieces, but they weren't the best patients in the world when they tried to do too much and didn't listen to him.

"Ooh no… oh baby." Evan closed his eyes and groaned through a cough as his lips curled up in distaste and his nose scrunched up.

Robin threw up on him.

He wasn't wearing a shirt. He was sat in his boxers radiating so much heat that he could warm the whole house up. And one of his twins just chucked up all her milk and medicine right down the left side of his chest.

The feeling made Evan want to be sick and he coughed when he opened his eyes and looked down at her.

Robin tilted her head up and the moment she looked at Evan, a cry burst past her lips which made her begin to cough and croak. Evan ran his hand up and down her back as (Y/n) moved to sit up next to him, grimacing when she saw what had happened.

"I- I'm sorry," Robin blubbered before she let out another cry when Evan unravelled her blanket from her waist and swiftly swiped it across his chest.

"S'alright girlie, not your fault." Evan kissed her burning temple before he slumped forward and set her down on her feet. "Go find daddy, tell him we're gonna get a bath now."

Evan watched her scurry away, tears streaming down her face and cries loudly wailing past her lips. Now she didn't have her pacifier or her blanket that Evan had robbed her of and she still felt sick. She wasn't happy and it was clear in her high pitch cries.

A grin pulled at Evan's lips, despite the coughs he couldn't hide, when he felt Nate tug on his wrist and mumble "Bath?" Quietly while he looked up at Evan with those tired doe eyes.

"You wanna join?"

When Nate nodded, (Y/n) kissed the back of his head and helped him scurry down to the floor. She reached her hand out and rubbed Evan's shoulder and leaned down to kiss the back of his neck. (Y/n) didn't have the energy to join or help, she just wanted to sleep. She would rather stay in here with Chris and finish the movie while Evan tried to relax in the bath with the twins.

She smiled when Evan tilted her head back to kiss her before he used the coffee table as leverage and tried to stand up.

Vertigo hit him like a truck and had him stumbling past the sofa, leaning from one side to the next and he figured the fluids in his ears were unbalanced. Affecting how he held his head and if his head went one way, his body was sure to follow that direction.

"Shit! Eddie…" He whined, feeling like one of the kids when he crashed down to his knees and flopped his head down when his eyes rolled back.

Eddie threw his head back and tried to take a deep breath. He tossed Chris's cover down on his bed and walked out the room to try and see what everyone was doing. He could hear pattering footsteps and he found Nate stood in the doorway to the bathroom and Robin standing close by, her arms bound to her middle as she cried and croaked horribly.

"Daddy!" Her arms stretched out for him but Eddie shook his head when he saw Evan on his hands and knees a little further down the hall, clearly failing at trying to walk.

"Let me get pops first baby-" Eddie cringed and rolled his lips together when Robin screamed.

A high pitch, bubbling scream tore past her lips and she stomped her foot, her arms still held out in front of her. She wanted Eddie and she wanted him now.

"That's not nice." Eddie chided and walked past her to go and get Evan. All the kids knew they couldn't stomp their feet or shout and demand whatever they wanted. None of their parents would give in if they did that and it didn't matter how sick Robin felt, she couldn't scream at Eddie for his attention.

When he walked past her, she cried out and flopped down on her bum on the floor. Deciding she would sit and cry until someone picked her up and decided to comfort her.

"I told you to stay put."

"Robin puked on me… and we all want a bath. Help me up?" Evan braced one hand on the wall and stretched his other hand out to grab Eddie's shoulder when he stood in front of him.

Evan managed a small smile when he felt Eddie's hands on his waist and he carefully reeled him back up and let Evan lean his weight onto him. He smiled and leaned forward, resting their temples together as he brushed his fingers across Eddie's neck.

"Are you joining us?"

"I can't exactly leave you all unattended, now, can I?"

[youreallyshouldtalkmore]

Closeted Theories 

A.N: Was finishing up my other Neuvillette series and this one just dropped into my head. Mighta have something to do with the fact I finished the Neuvillette storyquest the other day and he’s still on the brain. That was an awesome quest!! Definitely one of my hallmark favorites!

Genshin Impact MasterList

------

Picture this scenario: 

You were currently locked in a storage room closet, in the Palais Mermonia with Monsieur Neuviellette by your side.

Got it in your head?

Hard to picture, wasn’t it? 

Yeah, it would have been hard for you too, only a scant five minutes ago. 

But right now, this is your reality. 

You heard a gaggle giggling on the other side of the door as it shut. You dimly heard the lock as well. Then the voice of Sedene spoke over it, “Don’t worry, we will relieve you in an hour!” 

Then you heard the giggling and paddling of feet retreat. You just blinked at the door for a bit before finally looking up at Monsieur Neuvillette. It was a rare sight to behold, actually. He had frozen like a statue as he stared blankly at the door in front of him. 

“Check back with me, when you processed this.” you stated, “This is a lot even for a human.”  

You looked around the store room which was filled with mostly documents and books. It was big enough for two people to fit just so and had a single light on the ceiling. Thinking back you weren’t sure how you managed to get in this predicament but before you could try to analyze it further, Neuvillette stirred. Ahh, looks like he was coming back this way. It only took about five minutes. 

“Ahh, Miss. Y/N, I’d like to apologize for them. I don’t know what they hope to accomplish by this but I promise they mean no ill will.”

“Of course not. Those little younguns couldn’t do ill will if they tried, mischievous on the other hand is another matter. Anyway, can’t you break down the door or something?” 

Monsieur Neuvillette held his chin in thought, “Yes, easily. Though I hate to destroy such workmanship. It’s hardly the doors fault….” 

You smack your lips together, “Well, unless a Hydro Dragon suddenly knows how to pick a lock, we don’t know exactly how long we will be here for. Besides, isn't this getting in the way of your business to attend to? 

“Sedene clearly said they’d be back in an hour. My next meeting is scheduled for then. I don’t have any pressing matters right now. However, I would usually be using this time to get ahead on paperwork.” 

“...Hm. So they planned this down to the letter. I mean can’t have the Chief Justice of Fontaine and its Iudex, missing important functions over….being locked in a closet, now can we?” 

Neuvillette shook his head, “No, sounds quite lucidious to say it out loud like that.”  

“Equally as ridiculous as our reality. However they should be lucky I’m not claustrophobic.” 

Monsieur Neuvillette swung his eyes around to you, “Claustrophobic?” 

“Yes, some humans will start panicking in a tight place. They begin to feel the wall closing in on them and such.” 

Monsieur Neuvillette eyes widened at this, “Truly?! I hadn’t realized. And you are alright? I’ll break down the door immediately!” 

You reached out a hand in front of him, “I said I was fine! I’m not claustrophobic, only mildly amused and mostly annoyed. The only thing I worry about is how dus…” You paused in the process of wiping a finger over a shelf, rubbing them together, “Not so much as a speck of dust. Most impeccable.” 

“Of course not. I have learned that if left unattended a room like this will begin to rot. To take care of that, we have those hired to routinely clean spaces like this.” 

“Nothing escapes you, does it?” 

“Except for this.” He let out a sigh, “Rest assured, I shall have to give them a stern talking too.” 

You head bobbed up and down once, as you managed to find a reasonably comfortable spot to lean on the wall. 

Silence floated for a while before Neuvillette finally heaved a deep sigh, “Try as I might, I cannot see the reason for this insipid affair. Whatever possessed them to attempt this thing?” 

You snorted once making lavender eyes lock with yours. When you didn’t say anything more Neuvillette asked, “Why do I feel like you have an idea? Can you not share it with me if that’s the case?” 

You looked away then, “It would only be a theory at this point. I’d hate to paint them with conjecture.” 

“Let us hear it anyway. We have nothing else to do, until then and besides I’d like a better picture of what is going on before I speak with them on this matter. Perhaps there are some critical clues I am missing.” 

“....” 

Neuvillette watched as you absently began to “arrange” the books on the shelf next to you, your eyes not meeting his. Meanwhile his lavender eyes did not depart from you.

A lull prolonged itself until…

“Miss. Y/N are you….embarrassed, perhaps?” 

You snapped your head up, “What the-?! What makes you say that?” 

“Well, you have…” 

“I don’t want to play by play.” You interrupted knowing that Neuvillette was going to literally tell you all the actions he observed to arrive at this conclusion. It was bad enough that he was looking at you the entire time in expectation and equally bad that there was only room between you for a person to barely slip through. 

You cleared your throat turning away, “Actually I was thinking about it and it might be kinda, slightly my fault.” 

“I hardly doubt that but what do you feel you have done?” 

“.....read….scene….idea….” 

“Excuse me? Could you speak up?” 

“I said….” You jerked your head up only to stop when you realized that Neuvillette had closed the distance between you and was looking down at you with furrowed eyebrows. Clearly he had gotten closer to hear you better but still. 

You swallowed, snatching your eyes away from him, “I read the Melusines a story a little while ago.” 

“Yes, that doesn’t sound so horrible. In fact, I thank you for taking time out of your day to spend with them.” 

“Yes, yes, you're welcome. It’s fine. It’s just….they may have taken a story a little too…..realistically.” 

“In what manner?” 

“It was a romance story. One scene…the couple was trapped in a storeroom, you know?” 

“I see. And what does this have to do with our predicament now?” 

You almost banged your head on the shelf. You did not want to explain it in detail. Most humans would pick up and put two and two together. However, given that Neuvilletter wasn’t human, you couldn’t and didn't expect him to have two and two much less know to put them together in this instance.  

You heave a sigh. That still didn’t mean you wanted to explain this. 

“...I’m sorry. This is making you uncomfortable. We should cease talking about this then.” 

You felt Neuvillette put as much space between you as he was able. Part of you was grateful. Being locked in a storeroom with Neuvillette of all people was doing nothing for your nerves although you pride yourself in comporting yourself regardless of the situation. You knew it really wasn’t fair to keep Neuvillette in the dark, especially when he genuinely did not have the pieces needed to put together the puzzle. 

“It’s a common plot device in romance stories. When a couple is locked in a confined room it’s used to further their relationship.” You said this in one breath not looking up. 

“....” 

You could practically hear the gears in Neuvillette’s head turning. 

“I see. They had hoped that our relationship would progress and that is why they did this.” 

You hoped your laugh wasn’t forced, “What relationship? We don’t have one. We are just friends.” 

“Yes, we are friends.” 

You bobbed your head absently and just when you were beginning to find your footing, you felt Neuvillette move. Looking up, you startled to see him looming over you.

Wait, why was he even closer than last time?

Your throat went dry. 

“Rest assured, I will still express my displeasure at such extreme methods but I shouldn't let their goodwill go to waste. I suppose they were getting tired of my lack of courage.” 

“.....W-w-what are you talking about?” 

Neuvillette lifted his arms and trapped you within, his hands holding onto the shelf in front of you.

Hold on! What is this situation?!

You were pretty sure that Monsieur Neuvillette had never read such a scene before so why was he an accomplished actor now?

You knew you were looking up at him like a trapped boar. 

“I think I finally understand what message they were trying to send. I suppose they were getting tired of me taking my time. Had I had my way, I would still be taking time. Although I have an abundance of time, the fact is you do not. It’s unfair of me to continue to make you wait.” 

By now your head and eyes were spinning. Why did it seem like this went from 0 to 100 real quick? You weren’t even following anymore. 

“Miss. Y/N, when this is over, will you accompany me to dinner at Hotel Debord? Ah, I suppose I should convey my feelings first, shouldn’t I? Forgive me, allow me a minute to gather my bearings.” 

You turned so your back was to the shelf, looking up at Neuvillette, “H-h-hold on! Aren’t you…? What are you even doing? We are friends…” Your eyes dart back and forth, “...aren’t we?” 

“Of course, I am loath to lose our friendship but I confess I find myself thinking about…deeper things when it comes to us.” 

“Y-y-you do?” 

Of course you always like Monsieur Neuvillette but you’d never in your wildest dreams thought that a friendship with him could turn into more. You were just happy that he trusted you enough to become friends with you. The two of you had met through the Traveler actually. And being a Descender yourself, you had become privy to the fact that he was the Hydro Dragon. As the Traveler moved on to other nations with the goal of finding their sibling you lingered in Fontaine finding the nation agreeing with you. Fontaine eventually became your home base even as you travel to other nations. Unlike the Traveler you had no lofty goals in mind. 

“I confess this is so. However perhaps I’ve been spending too much time pondering on the idea instead of acting on it. The Melusines must have picked up on my feelings.” 

Ah, now that might explain why the Melusines went through a period of forcing you to read just about every romance book they could come across. Was this all research to help Monsieur Neuvillette?  

Your previous annoyance at being locked in a storage room was quickly dwindling even from the little bit you had. You hoped that you hadn’t displayed any odd tendencies when Monsieur Neuvillette was concerned that the Melusines picked up on. You thought you had had an impenetrable shield. 

“They had urged me to at least talk to you about it but I had refused. I wanted to ponder this a little more and see if it had merit. However, although I have learned more about humans, the complexities of this kind of thing still perplexes me. Sedene did present to me a list of findings about your behavior that made me think that perhaps you might feel more on the subject than you let on.” 

You stiffened and replied in which you hoped with a coolness that belied your feelings, “Such as?” 

“You have brought me meals when unasked for.” 

“We are friends. I’m interested in your health and you are busy.  Thought I’d help out here and there. There is nothing untoward about that.” 

“You made some of them yourself.” 

“Again, friendship.” 

“I have no basis for such things. Perhaps friends do make each other meals. This was a thought I came to as well. Next, they have observed that when I leave, your gaze lingers.” 

Your right eyebrow twitched, “....I’m making sure you leave.” 

That sounded lame even to your ears but you challenged it by looking Neuvillette straight in the eye. You would not bend first. 

“....and they have heard you give a…and I quote, ‘an heartrending sigh.’” 

You would have spat at this and your face showed. You looked away folding your arms, “Denied!! What does a ‘heartrending sigh’ even sound like? I didn’t swoon like a maiden.” 

“So you admit that you did in fact sigh?” 

Your whole face twitched this time, “Denied! You need to do better than this! It’s all circumstantial at best!” 

“Very well then. I’m not sure I should reveal this but….apparently, there were some Melusines in earshot when you and Navia were having a private conversation. They heard Navia ask when you were quote “going to make your intentions known.” And your reply was, and I quote, “When a boar flies and all the water in Fontaine is set on fire.”” 

Given that they were Melusines, in earshot was probably a generous term. You couldn’t help but to slap both hands over your face. Everything within you wanted to deny it but you couldn't very well make a liar out of both the Melusines and Navia. 

Checkmate. 

“Not to worry, I did admonish them about listening to private conversations such as those.” 

“I should find the nearest volcano in Natlan and jump in it.” 

Monsieur Neuvillette’s eyes widened as he placed his hands on your shoulders, “Don’t even joke about such things Y/N!” 

You still hadn’t raised your head. 

“Miss. Y/N, would it be wrong of us to try to see if our relationship can grow deeper?” 

Your voice was muffled by your hands, “Why, you want it to?” 

“Hm, I believe I would. You?” 

“....I’m amenable to it.” 

Monsieur Neuvillette’s mouth quirked, “I’m pleased to hear this. Won’t you look at me?” 

“Maybe after we get out of here.” 

Ahh, you were being shy about this. A chuckle escaped the Hydro Dragon. You reached one hand to slap him in the chest, “Hydro Dragon, Hydro Dragon, please be silent!” 

The chuckle turned into a laugh then. 

Then you felt him stepping away, “Very well. I know the benefits of having to gather oneself. We will have plenty of time to address this. Ah, what did you say to dinner?” 

You turned away from him, as you dropped your hands from your face, once again “arranging” the books.

A small smile made its way to your face as you replied softly, “Sure. I’ll be there.” 

[memmemmemoww]

"What happened to our love.. it used to be so nice...it used to be so good"

Reader x Simon Riley | A Call of duty fanfic

Summary: Simon Riley and reader used to date but had a falling out which lead to them breaking up. Years later 141 and the 274 (readers task force) have to team up on a mission to locate the missing missiles. A lot of memories get re-opened for good and bad.

warnings: TW cursing, TW cheating, TW talks about in game terrorism

pt 1

| I will try to follow the og plot of mw2 but ill add a little bit of my own ideas|

You and Simon met on the 141. You were a new recruit but you two quickly grew fond of each other. This slowly turned into a relationship, a very lovey and caring one. Even your task force members knew about it...and supported it even your Captain let you guys keep together in secret. That all changed one day when you walked in on him with another recruit...an image you could never seem to get out of your head. You never even gave him time to explain. Maybe that was on you. You put in a transfer which Price accepted, as much as he was against it. Then you left and didn't look back.. or so you thought. Now your in the same room with the man who broke your heart five years ago and your old team...the 141, Johnny, Kyle, and Price. There was some underline tension that all of you ignored. They needed help on the mission that involved stolen missiles which you Captain, Captain Anderson decided to lend a helping hand...yay. You all stood around a table while Price spoke, debriefing the team.

"We have a lead on Hassan's phone. It leads us to location on the west coast of Galicia Spain." he spoke as he passed out files onto the table. You grabbed one and opened it. Hassan. You heard about him and the Las Almas. A terrorist group. "We will be infiltrating this location tomorrow. So rest up. Captain Anderson as agreed to let us set up shop at the 274." he spoke to his team. "Yes yes" he said as she looked over to you, "{reader} can you show them to your rooms" she asked. You sighed...great...back with your old team.. once again. You nodded, "Yes ma'am" you spoke as you set down the file and made your way out of the room, 141 slowly following behind you, "So how are you these days." Garrick asked as he walked up to you, walking side by side. You looked over at him and answered, "I'm good. How about you" You asked which he made a sarcastic sigh, "Ill be better when we catch this guy" she said which you nod in agreement.. That's when Price spoke up, "We at the 141 missed you." he said. Well you knew that wasn't true for Simon.. Given how silent he was. You just chuckled as you stopped in front of a room, you opened the door and stood to the side.

"You guys can rest up here for the night. If you need anything Captains room is right down the hall" you said with a smile. Garrick and Price made their way into the room, checking it out. Soap was about to enter before he looked over at you, "It was really good seeing you, hope you are doing well" he said before he went it. Simon just stood there like he wanted to say something but you could care less, you turned and was about to walk back to the briefing room when his hand grabbed your wrist.

"{reader} listen... the way things were left" he started but you cut him off, "forget it Simon. I'm over that" you spoke which you knew wasn't true but as long as he believed it that's what mattered. With that you pull your hand away and walked back to the briefing room. Your captain was cleaning up the files and she noticed you and quickly spoke, "{reader} I know-" but you cut her off, "Next to you decide to bring that team back into my life. Tell me. As much as I love them I cant... I cant stand seeing him.. knowing what he did." You spoke before grabbing one the files for the upcoming mission. You then walked out of the room and made your way to your private quatres. Entering your quarters you let out a groan and locked the door behind you. This is going to be okay. You told yourself... just get the mission over with you thought as you placed down the file on the table. You flopped down onto the bed sighing.....fuck

a/n: HELLOOOOOO I hope y'all enjoy this cause I know I'm having fun writing it! kinda of a messy and rushed start but I just need it so I could get to the good bits :D

[notakugelblitz]

YOUR POWER • THE UMBRELLA ACADEMY

A/N : hi ! here is a series of a few preferences (well i think that’s what they’re called). I really hope you’ll like them even though they’re short sometimes ! i’m planning on posting character x reader stories too so stay tuned. first post here on Tumblr so let’s see how it goes ! oh and English isn’t my first language, i’m sorry if you spot some mistakes. enjoy :)

no trigger warning, all safe ;)

PART 1 : YOUR POWER

You were born on October 1st 1989. You are the eighth child adopted by Sir Reginald Hargreeves. Welcome to the Umbrella Academy, number 8.

LUTHER • TELEPATHY

You have the ability to establish a connection between your mind and another in order to carry on a silent conversation. There wasn't a day when you weren't in communication with Luther when he was on the moon. You missed him like crazy, and it was mutual.

DIEGO • SEE THE FUTURE

You can get a vision of the near future by touching an object or a person. There are many opportunities to annoy Diego and cut him off at every turn, knowing exactly what he is going to say. It drives him mad. But that´s something you relished as soon as he got over his stammer. Before that, you preferred to apply this mischief to your other brothers and sisters, much to the delight of Diego, who was always by your side.

ALLISON • WATER MANIPULATION

You have the ability to manipulate water to your heart's content, melt or liquefy it, create tsunamis, shoot jets from your palms and breathe in the depths. Diego teases you a lot and calls you "The Fish" all the time. It gets on your nerves a little, but Allison is always there to cast a rumour when Number 2 isn't already being sprayed with cold water.

KLAUS • ANIMAL METAMORPHOSIS

You have the ability to take on any animal form. When Dad locked Klaus in the mausoleum, you'd transform yourself into an insect and crawl into the grooves to join him. One day, you found yourself crushed under your father's foot. Seriously injured, Grace took care of you for a while. Dad then decided to take control of your powers : thanks to a little gadget, he could control your metamorphoses. And that was quite a burden for you but Klaus never stopped trying to find it and break it for you.

FIVE • HEALING

You have the ability to heal and to give of your energy. During your trainings back at the Academy, you only went into battle when someone was seriously injured. If your brothers and sisters needed you, Five would teleport to pick you up and bring you back. The first few times, these trips made you vomit, so Sir Reginald Hargreeves trained you for a long time until you were no longer ill. It pained Five, but he had to obey. Unfortunately, when he disappeared, you were forced to stay with Viktor and your father : close to the mission but inactive.

BEN • INVISIBILITY

You have the ability to disappear completely. When you were sad, you’d become invisible and cower at the bottom of Ben’s statue. Before he died, you used to play hide and seek with him. The rule was that there wasn’t any. Often, you’d stand right in front of him, invisible to his eyes, and he’d surprise you with his tentacles, tickling you until you’d surrender. Dad often punished you for this but you never ever regretted it.

VIKTOR • SELF-MULTIPLICATION

You have the ability to clone yourself ad infinitum, but it takes a lot of effort. Reginald Hargreeves always pushed you to the limit during missions, which finished you off far too quickly. Most of the time, you'd fall over from exhaustion before the criminals had even been arrested, resting as much as you could with Viktor who took care of you, away from the battle scene.

[frenchkisstheabyss]

☾ Wild Horses ☽

☾ Pairing: boyfriend!bang chan x reader

☾ Genre: angst & fluff all stirred up in a pot

☾ Summary: Your boyfriend comforts you when your depression sneaks up on you during a night out with friends.

☾ Word Count: 924

☾ Warnings: themes of depression/mental illness and the feelings that can come along with them

☾ A/N: I wrote this because having depression has led to a lot of loneliness for me lately and I needed some comfort. I hope that by sharing this someone else having similar thoughts/feelings to mine might find a little comfort too 🖤

☾ "No sweeping exits or offstage lines could make me feel bitter or treat you unkind and wild horses couldn't drag me away" - The Sundays, Wild Horses

People can’t imagine what you go through. It’s not a case of bad nerves or run-of-the-mill sadness. Too often you’ve found yourself sitting alone wishing that you could find the words to make them understand that depression is so much more than that. Depression is a parasite that’s wormed its way into your brain wholly consuming you.

The consumption’s gradual sometimes, ravenous at others, but exhausting all the same, stealing little bits of you that you aren’t quite sure how to get back. Everyone says, “I hope you feel better. Hang in there. Keep your chin up” but it’s not simple. And maybe they mean well, maybe that’s all they can say because they don’t know how to fix it, but it only makes you feel lonelier.

The thing is, you’ve never wanted anyone to fix it. You don’t need bandaids to cover the bullet holes in your heart. You just want someone to hold your hand through the pain. It’s why the tiniest flame ignites in the darkness that haunts you when the kind, comfort of Chan’s mahogany eyes lock onto yours, honing in on the most vulnerable parts of you.

“I know sometimes you feel like you have to pretend you’re okay,” he says, the warmth of his palms shielding your cheeks from the autumn breeze, “But you don’t have to do that with me. I’m here for you no matter what. You know that, yeah?” You nod, sucking back tears as you notice the small group of late-night partiers crossing over to your side of the street.

With your back to the wall of a closed restaurant not too far from the club you just left, it’s impossible not to be nervous about the faces that pass you by. Even with Chan somewhat obscuring the view, your stomach churns at the possibility that people might see you falling apart like this. “Hey, look at me” Chan whispers, using the sleeve of his black hoodie to catch the tears that drip down your cheeks like water from a leaky faucet.

The gentle act brings your attention back to him. He cracks a tight-lipped smile, happy to have you back with him. “Don’t worry about them. Come here.” He takes you into his arms, offering you his shoulder to rest your head on. You accept the invitation, nuzzling against him to bathe in the comfort and safety that comes with his embrace. There’s a woodsy scent to his cologne that feels like stargazing by a campfire at night. It puts you at ease. Everything about him does.

“I’m sorry if I ruined your night” you sniffle, playing with one of the strings that dangles from his hood. Tucking his hands under your jacket, he massages your lower back, soothing the tension coiled around your spine. “Baby, you could never ruin my night. The guys were too busy drinking to notice anything and even if they did, who cares? You’re what matters to me.” The emotion in his voice leaves no doubt that he means it wholeheartedly.

You are what matters most to him in this moment and the next. It means nothing to him that a night out at some club had to be cut short because the mask you put on to conceal your pain had begun to crumble, the synthetic laughter and forced smiles becoming too much to maintain. Chan gets it, hiding behind a mask with a happy face painted on it, he does it sometimes too but he doesn't want that for you. He’d rather be out here with you baring this beautiful, teary-eyed face of yours than in there where you feel the need to hide.

“I just,” you take a deep breath, slightly trembling at the truth about to roll off your tongue, “I’m afraid I’ll scare you away one day.” “Scare me? Do I look like I scare easily?” he asks, putting on a brave face the way that a child might. It gets a weak giggle out of you, even at times like this he knows how to get to you in the best way. “No, but I know there are times when things get really dark for me and I can get so lost in it...” He kisses you on the nose, a cute little wet one that turns icy when the wind blows across your face.

“As long as I’m here, and I always will be, you’ll never get lost in it,” he promises, “I know I can’t drag you out of it but you can always call me and I’ll come running in after you.” You need time. A second or two, maybe even a minute, to take in what’s been said. He gives it to you, patiently rocking you in his arms as he lets you process it in silence. A year into your relationship and it still feels strange to be loved in the moments where you feel most broken.

Chest to chest, his heart beats in sync with yours, reminding you that, even in the absence of words, you're cared for. “Where’d you come from?” you ask, fingers tracing the contour of his jaw. “Sydney. Don’t tell me you’re just noticing the accent” he teases, summoning his best pouty face for extra effect. He gets another giggle out of you, still faint with an air of sadness but he’ll take it.

Chan hugs you tighter, kissing your fingertips. “I love you” he whispers. You close your eyes, letting the world around you fade away and your insecurities with it. “Love you too.”

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hello hi! Jumping in with a tadc request!

When you have time and/or motivation, could I get a scenario with Jax where his s/o has a nightmare about him abstracting? (assuming people in the digital world can dream)

Again, only do this if you feel up to it! Thank you and have a good rest of your day! :)

Jax x reader who has a nightmare !

on the off chance that the person who requested i elaborate on the giant spider idea with kinger sees this, i see your request! i intend to answer it soon, i just need to come up with some ideas; namely ideas for the IHA itself and why there would be this giant spider in the first place !! asides that, im all caught up on requests at the time of writing this! ill probably write some other stuff throughout today if no new requests come in, im having a lot of fun writing TADC stuff! hope you enjoy!

depending on how far along you two are in the relationship, you guys start sleeping together more and more often; usually in jax's room because he prefers it that way

so imagine one night the two of you decide to share the bed again, you both go to sleep.. and todays incident happens

its not often that you actually get dreams in the digital world, but that may be because you wont sleep all that often due to not needing to

digital dreams tend to be... weirder than real world dreams, but tonights dream was. horrifying, really

it started off strange, it was you alone and looking for jax. he wasnt in the tents common areas, or by the lake or at the carnival. you ask around, but no one knows where he is. finally, you decided to check his room. the door wasnt locked, despite jax always locking the door..

weird

in a sight not too dissimilar to how pomni had told you they found kaufmos abstracted form, you found jax

twisted and corrupted and writhing in pain. his body jutted out unnaturally as dozens of eyes darted around

before all suddenly focusing on you

then he charged

you woke up, or rather you jerked awake. you couldnt even register what just happened for a few seconds, before whipping your head to look down at the sleeping bunny lazily strewn out on the bed

you reach your hands forward and grip his side, shaking it, to make sure he was real

he was, and now he was awake

and honestly kind of annoyed that you woke him up, but his look of bitterness softens just a touch when he sees the tears in your eyes

before he can get a word out you wrap yourself around him, babbling about the nightmare you just had; about how you couldnt find him and when you did, he had abstracted

for once, the rabbit didnt make any snarky comment or say anything that could've made you feel dumb for being scared

well not for a minute

"you dream about me? cute"

you slap his arm, but he continues

wrapping his arms around you, he just tugs you back down in bed; but not to go back to sleep. no, this is for comfort, though he wouldnt say it

"jeez you really think im gonna wuss out that easily?" he pulls you closer

you guys stay like that until the following day

[samwinchesterpuppy]

Boy do I have a promt for you,

Hear me out, a wincest sickfic — where Sam is sick while on a hunt and Dean has to stop entirely because of Sam’s illness to buy him medical supplies for him (he’s also sick AND wounded), but he tells Dean he’s completely fine and okay when in reality he’s actually doing horrible with the flu and a wounded body part, he’s vulnerable; groaning in the passenger seat as he rolls around in his sleep. Deans jacket wrapped around him wherever they go, it’s more of a possessive thing than anything really.

I'm sorry if this isn't the best. I hope you enjoy anon ❤️

"I told you not to come on this hunt! You got hurt!" Dean looks in the mirror at Sam angrily, who's laying across the back seat, holding a cloth to his bleeding arm.

"I'm fine, Dean!" Sam coughs out, rolling onto his side. Sam hasn't been feeling well the past few days. He's got a cold, and Dean's been trying to keep him locked in his room.

Dean sighs, wiping a sweaty hand over his face as he drives them to the nearest town. He needs to get some medical supplies, bandages for Sam's arm, and some cold medicine to help Sam get rid of his flu faster.

As Dean's pulling into the parking lot at some store, he turns around to check on Sam, who's passed out. He pulls off his jacket and places it over Sam's body. Hopefully, that'll keep him warm till they get back to the bunker.

Dean comes back from the store with a bag full of bandages and cold medicine, some snacks as well. He gets into the car, looking over at Sam, who's still passed out in the back seat. He doesn't look good.

Once they're back at the bunker, Dean gently takes Sam out of the back seat, it's a bit of a struggle as Sam's so much bigger then him, but he manages to get Sam inside and into his bed. Dean cleans Sam's wound, wiping the blood with a cloth before applying antiseptic cream and wrapping Sam's arm in a bandage. Luckily, the cut wasn't bad, it'll heal fully in a few weeks.

Sam's starting to wake up now. He opens his eyes to see Dean, who's cleaning up the bloody clothes and bandages. He starts coughing, curling into himself as he coughs and coughs.

Dean grabs the cough medicine he picked up at the store, opening the lid and pouring a small amount into the medicine cup and handing it to Sam. "Take this, it'll help." Watching as Sam swallows the medicine, handing the cup back to Dean, who sits it on the bedside table. Sam lays back down, he looks so sick, Dean hates when Sam gets sick.

"Get some rest, Sam, you need it." Dean pats Sam's leg, pulls the blanket over Sam, tucking him into bed, placing a soft kiss to Sam's forehead who's already falling asleep, before turning the lights off and closing the door.

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 5: March

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! So uh, this chapter is a lot. In a lot of ways lol. There's some fluff, there's some slight angst. Overall, there's finally some explanations that I hope ties the whole story together. I hope y'all like it because I've been kicking myself over this chapter ALONE.

☾ Word Count ➼ ~9.1k (please don't hurt me)

You can’t help but tug at the thin fabric that scratched at your skin as you pull yourself out of the driver’s side of Hange’s car. The red dress trailing down your figure sat pretty loose, but it was not comfortable to you in the slightest. Come to think of it, it wasn’t just the fabric that made you uncomfortable, it was the fact that Hange had talked you into dressing up in the first place.

While Hange spent many days gathering the things needed for her costume, you opted for something you already had shoved in the back of your closet from a Halloween party a couple years ago. And now, you were about to meet Erwin and Levi in said costume when you didn’t even know if they were into this kind of thing. You pull on your flowing sleeves in anxiety as your sister gets out of the passenger side, fixing their eye patch to sit better on their face.

“We made it!” They shriek in the cool, early spring air. They were donned in a casual pirate get up with a loose brown tricorn resting on their ever-frazzled hair. A fake cutlass hung from their hip as well as other colorful bits and bobbles. They look confident and energized as they look over to you with a wide eye.

“Well, let’s go find them! Erwin just texted me that they’re waiting by the admission booths.” You both close the car doors at the same time and you make sure to lock the car with the keys before shoving them down into your small cross-body purse.

Your heart flutters as you're reminded again of the two men waiting for you, of the specific one you were nervous about seeing again. Or was it excitement? You weren’t certain. Yanking on your dress again, you follow on Hange’s heels as they trek to the front gates of the Jinae Renaissance Faire.

Not long after do the admission gates show themselves to you both. As you step up to the line, you start to open your purse to pay when Hange grabs your arm and tugs you out of it, muttering something about it already being taken care of. When you give her a disgruntled look, she’s looking off to the side as she screams.

“There you are! I barely recognized you two!” They start pulling you in that direction as you struggle to zip your bag up through the rough bouncing of your running. When you look up, you see two figures, one tall and one short. Erwin and Levi. Your heart practically stops as you realize why you didn’t recognize them at first.

Erwin is dressed as a knight, his helmet tucked under his arm. You’re not sure if the silver reflecting off the sun is from real metal or not, but it’s quite the look regardless. He’s grinning down at you, and it made him look like a very handsome, well, knight in shining armor.

Levi stands next to him, arms crossed over his chest and he’s staring straight at you with a look you couldn’t discern, you don’t notice the way his eyes widen in recognition for a second. His stark gray eyes are covered by a black mask. He’s also wearing a solid black pirate-esque costume, gloves included. You gasp because you knew this costume. You knew it because you had dressed up as his character’s counterpart.

“Well, well, well. Look at what we have here!” Hange exclaims as they stop short in front of them. You wave to them with a wavering smile and then point to Levi’s get up, flicking your finger up and down his body with a furrowed brow as a way to ask, ‘Did you know?’

“I did not choose this.” Levi states briskly. He curls his right hand around the sword hilt that rests on his hip, the sound of leather squeaking as he does so.

“You can blame me for that,” Erwin’s deep voice cuts in, amused. “He wasn’t going to dress up, or even come for that matter, but I finally talked him into it.”

“Oh yeah? What did it?” Hange’s eye widened in faux surprise, a smirk playing on their lips.

“Are we going or not?” Levi starts walking in the direction of the entrance, not bothering to look behind him to see if anyone was following. Erwin chuckles and goes after him, and you and Hange are quick to follow.

The fair took place in a campsite deep in the forests of Jinae. The afternoon sun peeked its way through a canopy of tall evergreens. Fresh early spring air breezes through the trees as well as your flowing hair and you can’t help but breathe in deeply. What a gorgeous day, you think. Fallen foliage crunches underneath you as you all make your way deeper into the festivities. Plenty of people mill past, many of them dressed up to the nines and chattering away happily. You pick up the pace in excitement as your eyes wander.

The smells of smoked meat and various vegetables filled the air as you drew closer to the heart. There also lie a variety of stalls selling trinkets, fake weaponry, and leather goods that lined up parallel to the path you walked on. You couldn’t keep the grin off your face as you stare at it all in awe. An elven woman with antlers covered in sparkling gems bounces up next to you with a big smile and holds out a white lily for you to take.

You hesitate but take it from her fingers delicately and sign a ‘thank you’ at her with your other hand. Her eyes go wide and enthusiastically signs back ‘You’re welcome.’ You can’t help it, you giggle in delight. She waves goodbye and flounces away, the assorted chains that littered her body twinkling in the sunlight as she does. When you turn back to your group, Hange and Erwin are already far ahead, but Levi has stopped and is staring at you.

You inhale the flower’s scent as you saunter up to where Levi stood; he hadn’t moved an inch as he waited for you to catch up. His eyes are dark as they study your face. His mouth opens like he’s about to say something but then immediately closes it, turning away from you swiftly and starts off in the direction of the rest of the group. You purse your lips as you trail behind him, slightly annoyed.

Ever since Hange’s Valentine’s party last month, Levi has been really strange around you, even through your text messages. It’s not like how it was after the gala, it felt more isolating. Like he wasn’t allowing you into his space. Which granted, is pretty normal for anyone trying to get to know him better. But it didn’t really feel like you were just anyone, at this point. After that night on the patio at his apartment, it really felt like you two were getting along better. But now it felt like he was shutting you out again. It was all so frustrating.

Your group spent the next few hours bouncing around different activities; Everyone took turns deciding. Erwin had chosen a jousting match to kick things off. It wasn’t really your thing, but Erwin was captivated the whole time. Even Levi’s eyes never left the rough sport for a second, but his face didn’t give off a single emotion. It ended when one of the riders got knocked off so hard that they didn’t even get up from the dirt. Considering the lack of urgency to get him off the field, it must have not been a life-threatening injury. Still, you can’t help but feel bad for the guy.

After that, it was Hange’s turn and they decided on a play that was showing in the amphitheater. They were doing some sort of homemade play about a princess being held hostage from bandits and a knight that goes on a journey to save her. It wasn’t half bad, you thought.

Your favorite part was when the savior got their almost doll-like blonde-haired princess to safety, they took their helmet off to reveal it was actually a lady knight; She has choppy brunette hair that was pulled into a low ponytail and freckles that dotted along her nose. The way the knight and the princess stare toward one another makes you really feel the love that they held for each other, and you had to admit the ending got to you because of it. You applaud loudly as the cast takes a bow, the knight and princess both holding onto each other with wide smiles.

A half hour later, you all find yourselves standing outside of the amphitheater trying to think of what to get for a late lunch. There were so many food stalls that it had started to overwhelm you. You fidget with your sleeves as you watch Hange and Erwin talk, while Levi stays quiet as always.

You glance at him with a side eye in hopes he would meet your gaze. However, he keeps it averted from you, appearing to people watch instead. It’s not like he had ever ignored you in the past month, but his abnormal stoicism towards you was really starting to get under your skin. His guard was up, and you didn’t know why. What had changed from that night of the party to now?

“I think we passed a stall back that way that sold pizza. I want that!” You hear Hange say in excitement, pointing down a dirt path to your left.

“You are more than welcome to do so but I think I’ve decided on one down there. I saw something about meat pies, and I’m intrigued.” Erwin stares down at a map of the grounds as he speaks.

“What about you two? Does anything stick out to you?” Hange spins on you and Levi.

“Whatever.”

You just shrug with a small smile.

“Great input, guys.” They roll their eyes at you and go back to looking over Erwin’s shoulder at the map.

“Well, we could all split up for a moment to get our respective lunches and reconvene at the axe throwing and archery area in about an hour or so? I think you wanted to do that for your turn?” Erwin pipes up as he looks behind his shoulder at you. You nod vigorously at it all, mainly at the choice of activity. You’ve always wanted to try both sports and were ecstatic when you saw it on the list of available stations.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. There are a couple of other booths I wanted to check out earlier, this is a good opportunity.” Hange says as they stare down the path where the supposed pizza stall sat. You wave to get their attention.

‘I’m going to wander around myself then, if that’s cool with you?’ They give you a skeptical look and purse their lips.

“Will you be okay alone?” Levi’s head jerks up to Hange’s question then to you.

“She’s going alone?”

“She asked if she could.” They shrug their shoulders and Levi scoffs but says nothing else.

“Make sure your phones are on you and we’ll meet up in an hour.” Erwin cuts in, nodding to each of you before turning on his heels and disappearing in the crowd. So businesslike, you chuckle to yourself. Your sister grabs your hand then squeezes it before running off down the other way. Then it’s just you and Levi. You both look at each other. You’re about to offer if he would like to walk with you but he turns his back to you before you can get his attention.

“See you in an hour.” He says and walks into the crowd without looking back, leaving you alone. You blink hard at the empty space. Even after spending hours together, he’s still distant with you. You can’t help the hurt from seeping into your chest. You bite your cheek as you turn and start off in a random direction with no idea of where you’re going.

.

See you in an hour? Levi couldn’t stop the cold words from sliding out. He almost asked if he could tag along with you but he forced himself to walk away because he couldn’t dare to look you in the eyes. He’d been so careful around you in the last month but it’s like he couldn’t hold back anymore.

If he put himself in a position to be with you alone, there’s no telling what else might come out of his mouth. Levi was afraid it wouldn’t come out the way he wanted. He needed more time to figure out how he would approach you about the past, your past. And how his guilt was suffocating the life out of him.

Levi shoves his hands in his pocket as he weaves through the crowd in the direction of their rendezvous spot. There wasn’t anything he needed at this place so he decided he would give his leg a break while he waited for everyone else.

That is until something sparkling in the late afternoon sun catches his attention. His good eye snaps to it immediately and he can’t help but take a couple steps closer to get a better look at what it was. There hanging on a small jewelry stand is a delicate gold necklace. It was simple and modest despite its shine.

“Ah, I see this has caught your eye.” A soft voice rings out from behind the counter, belonging to an older lady that he had not noticed before. She has short blonde hair that had started to gray at the roots and light, kind eyes that crinkled in the corners. A warm smile lights up her face.

“No, I was just going.” Levi’s eyes trail back to the necklace before turning around to leave.

“It’s my last one for the day. Since it caught your eye, I’ll let it go at a special price. Who is it that’s on your mind?” Levi’s steps falter then he looks back at the woman with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry?”

“Forgive me, but you seem to have that look on your face that only someone gets when there’s a person on their mind. So, who is it?” The lady leans over on the table she sat behind, propping herself up with her elbow and stares at Levi with earnest.

“I- that’s not any of your business.” He clicks his tongue and starts off in the direction behind him again.

“Whoever it is, they must be causing quite a storm inside you!” She shouts out.

“You don’t know anything about me.” Levi digs his heels in the dirt and stalks back over to the booth where the lady sits, his hands clenched into fists as he stares hard into the accuser’s eyes.

“Oh, no? There isn’t someone in your life right now digging up your past?” Levi reels and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

She continues, “Humor me, son. This old woman is getting bored of the hustle and bustle out there. What’s on your mind? I’ll give you the necklace as payment if I find it entertaining enough.”

“Ma’am, not to be rude but I literally do not know you. And my life story isn’t some story for you to gawk at.”

“Strangers make the best confidants I find. And you look like you’re about to burst at the seams.”

Levi considers this for a moment. He hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about what’s been plaguing him all month. Since that night in your bedroom, seeing those picture frames. It had shaken him to his core and the only person he actually wanted to talk about it with was you, and, well. This woman was indeed a stranger, what could it hurt? He’s never going to see this woman again, he hopes.

“Tch, fine.” Levi sighs heavily and starts from the beginning.

.

It had been about an hour since your group broke up when you found yourself trekking to the rendezvous spot. You had a great time wandering around by yourself, making sure to double back to a couple stalls you had passed earlier in the day. While you focused mainly on window shopping, you couldn’t help but buy yourself a tiara inlaid with the most spectacular fake gemstones.

They glimmered off the late afternoon sun as you passed underneath the spotty shaded canopy with a cup of hot liquid in your hand. Even though Levi had brushed you off earlier, you were not going to let that bother you. Maybe he was going through something right now and wasn’t ready to talk to you about it, you hope.

When you make it to the clearing, you smile as you see Levi sitting at one the benches massaging his leg. There’s a small paper bag next to him. As you get closer, his gray eyes look up to meet you and pinches his lips together into a thin line.

There was something different about his aura now, it didn’t feel as hostile as before. Though you could tell there was something still bothering him. When you’re right in front of him, you offer him the cup. He raises an eyebrow at you before taking a tentative sip. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Is this black tea? Where did you find this?” He takes another drink the way he does with his fingertips. You hold up a finger to him and grab your phone out of your purse.

‘A stall all the way on the other side. I did a lot of walking in the last hour.’

“I couldn’t find a drink stall that had anything I wanted. Thanks.” You give him a nod and drop yourself down next to his side on the bench to wait for the rest of your party. Levi says nothing else, but he does give you a side eye and glances up at the shining headpiece you adorned. You can’t help but smile widely at him and strike a lazy pose to show it off. You really did feel like a real princess even with the itchy dress. He turns his head away quickly and you fold your hands onto your lap, your smile slowly fading. You wish you could read minds.

“Ah, there you two are!!” A voice shrieks out. Hange comes practically skipping over with a grinning Erwin right behind her. “Sorry we’re so late. I have no excuses.” You can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh as you stand up to meet them. You hear Levi shuffling to do the same, the paper bag crinkling in his hand as he grips it tightly.

“I hope you all ate well because it’s time for some axe throwing and arrow nocking.” Erwin says with a slight chuckle. You nod vigorously and start off under the archway leading into your next activity.

Archery was not your forte, you quickly find out. You couldn’t stop holding the bow in a way that would keep the string from snapping back into your forearm. You had to stop after a couple tries because you feared if you tried any more, the bowstring would slice right into your skin. There will most definitely be a bruise there by the end of tonight. Erwin was phenomenal with the bow, and you could not help but stare in awe as he basically achieved a bullseye with every other arrow.

Axe throwing on the other hand was cathartic in all the best ways. You were not very accurate at it, but you achieved hitting the hard wood and that was an accomplishment all in its own right. Everyone had taken several steps back when it came to Hange’s turn. The wicked gleam in her eyes was enough to warn every one of her potential.

Fortunately, she was actually fairly good at the sport. One of her axes only bounced back once. Levi, of course, was great at both sports, hitting the targets with deadly precision. You shudder at the thought of anyone on the receiving end of Levi’s wrath given the opportunity to use weapons like these.

The sun was just starting to lower in the sky when it was time for Levi’s choice. Like you, he went with something a little more physically exerting. He opted for sword fighting. You could tell that Erwin was just as excited for it as well because his smile had not left his face the entire time you all made your way down to the field. Hange wasn’t exactly thrilled about it because she worried what might happen even with wooden swords, so both of you decided to sit on the sidelines to watch them closely.

They must have been sparring partners in a past life because the way they moved around each other in the field was mesmerizing. Every hit was met with a perfect parry. There were dodge rolls and feint attacks. Even with Levi’s physical limitations, he was still keeping Erwin on his toes, neither one going easy on the other. You had to admit that it was fun to observe them go at each other.

In the blink of an eye, you watch as Erwin twists his body in a way that grants him access to punch Levi in the face with the hilt of his sword. You stand up quickly, about to jump over the guardrail to make sure Levi was okay but he doesn’t even falter. He staggers back for a moment but goes right back into a defensive stance. From here, you can see the left side of Levi’s face has a small dribble of blood running down it. It’s coming from a cut above his left brow, and he’s not even batting an eye.

Levi comes at Erwin so quickly that you’re barely able to keep up with it. In a flash, he’s right behind Erwin and about to kick his legs out from under him but Erwin throws himself into Levi to knock him back. And then they’re at it again. You lean over the rail in anticipation, glancing back and forth between them and the sword instructor in hopes that they would come over and make them stop before things got too rough. But they did nothing, in fact they were staring at them in awe just as you were at their movements.

“Shit!” You hear along with the clattering of a wooden sword against the hard dirt. You stare in panic as you see Erwin holding his right wrist as he grimaces in pain. You and Hange immediately start running to them.

“Oh fuck, Erwin I’m sorry. I didn-“

“No, no. We were both going too hard. I should have seen this coming.” He says through gritted teeth as he holds his hand to his chest.

‘Are you okay? What happened?’ You sign to him quickly, your face no doubt flushed with anxiety. Levi is horror stricken as he stares at his best friend, who as always remains calm. The instructor is nowhere in sight when you need him, of course.

“A simple disarming maneuver. It’s just twisted is all.” Erwin nods down at you in reassurance, adding a warm smile with it. You’re most definitely not reassured.

“Alright boys, let’s take you both to the infirmary.” Hange sighs as she grabs Erwin by his other arm and tugs him along. You take a step forward to follow but Levi just huffs behind you, no sign of movement comes from his direction.

“You all go ahead, I’ll be fine.”

“Levi, you’re literally bleeding from your head.” They snark back.

“I’m fine, just go.” Levi turns and walks back to the benches where your and Hange’s things sat currently. You look over to Hange with bewilderment but they just give you a cheeky grin.

“Stay with him, we’ll be right back.” They shout as they continue to pull Erwin away in what you guess is the direction of the medical tent. You click your tongue, a habit you accidentally picked up from Levi, and spin back around. Levi’s trying to dab at his wound with the bottom of his black costume shirt, his lower abdomen peeking through and you force your eyes back up to his face as you make your way towards him. You grunt to get his attention, cocking your head to the side when he looks up.

“What?”

Sliding your phone back out of your purse, you type quickly, ‘You’re not doing a very good job at that.’

“Tch, I can’t exactly see what I’m doing.” He looks away as he lets go of his shirt. You pull yourself up the stairs to where he sat and straddle the bench so you’re facing him. Grabbing a couple of napkins from Hange’s bag and a water bottle you had purchased at the start of the activity, you then wet them carefully so as not to spill too much. Levi’s staring hard at you.

“What are you doing?” He asks in apprehension.

You only stare back at him, softening your gaze as you lift your hand up slowly to his face. He doesn’t flinch back, which you take as a good sign of him trusting you. You use your other hand to pull his hair back a little and start dabbing at the cut carefully with the wet napkin. The gash isn’t bleeding anymore, thankfully. Most of it had already started coagulating. The spot had also started to swell with heat and when you press back down on it gently, you feel him wince with a hiss.

You then rub at the dried blood that had trickled down his face. When you do so, your eyes flicker over to him and he’s staring at you in such a way that makes you falter. He looks away quickly after you both lock eyes for a second. It was only for a moment, but it was such an intense look. You’re suddenly aware of how close you are to him, so you sit up straight and scoot back.

‘Be right back. I’m going to get ice for your welt.’ You type as you pick yourself up from the bench. He clears his throat and sits back as well, nodding in acknowledgment. Tossing the blood stained napkins into a trashcan on your way out, you pick up your pace as you feel your face warm up. He was so close to you; you could smell his signature fresh laundry and body wash. And it was almost as if his stormy gray eyes were a magnet, drawing you into them. You shake your head at the thought as if to clear them out of your mind.

When you finally find a stall that would give you a cup of ice without charging, you make your way back to where you left Levi. It takes you a minute, but you finally spot him pacing back and forth frantically. When he sees you, he stops in his tracks then sprints over to you. His black mask is all forgotten and you’re able to see his full features; His face is full of fear, eyebrows knit and eyes wide.

“I- we need-” Levi breathes out. Even his voice is wavering with panic. You set the cup down and type faster than you ever have before.

‘Levi, breathe. What happened?’

“I need to get out of here, but I don’t know where Erwin and Hange went. Erwin is my ride. But I need to go.”

‘Go where? What happened?’ You grab onto one of his hands in hopes to ground him. His eyes are darting around wildly. When you squeeze his hand hard to get his attention, they finally land on your face and you take a deep breath, hoping he would follow. He attempts to but it’s fairly shallow.

“Sh-she’s back at the hospital. Something happened and she’s there and I…” Is all he manages to get out. His eyes are frantically looking around for the others. She? You grab all of your belongings as well as the things left behind from Erwin and Hange and tuck everything under one arm. With the other, you pull out your car keys and reach for Levi’s hand. He jolts back, staring at you with alarm. You reach for it again and clasp it with keys tucked in between both of your palms, then you start running for the entrance of where you all came from.

With the evening drawing near, there were not nearly as many people here as there was before, but it was still enough to be a nuisance to run through. You gripped onto Levi’s hand so tightly, afraid of losing him in the crowd. You don’t notice but at one point, he starts to hold on with both of his hands for dear life. When you finally break out, you dash down the aisle where your car was.

There was no time to let Hange know where you two were going, you would have to do that when you got to where you were heading. Just as there was no time to ask Levi what the hell you two were doing, you would get answers later. All you knew was that he was panicking, and you had the power to help him.

When you eventually find the car, you toss in the things under your arms into the back seat then throw yourself into the driver’s side. Levi does the same on the passenger side and you don’t hesitate to back out before checking to see if he was buckled in. In mere moments, you’re zooming down to the only hospital in town.

.

The car ride was filled with Levi’s panicked heavy breathing as you did your best to weave around the end of day rush hour. Every once and a while, you would hear Levi cursing at a red light or a stop sign, his hands gripping the dashboard so tight that his knuckles turned white. One of his knees was shaking up and down so fast you’re surprised the car doesn’t bounce with it.

Without thinking, you reach over with one of your hands and place it on top of his knee gently. It stops. You spare a glance at him and he’s staring straight ahead, but he makes no move to throw your hand off him. You both stay like this for the rest of the ride.

After what feels like an eternity, you drop Levi off at the front so you can find a place to park. It takes a couple minutes but you’re able to find a spot near the back, though you don’t get out of the car right away. Instead, you take this time to send Hange a quick text about your situation as well as collect yourself. Levi’s panic is not something you’ll soon forget. It hurt you to see him so distraught. Multiple heavy breathing exercises later, you unbuckle yourself and head out into the now cool evening, the Emergency entrance in your sights.

You deal with communication issues at the front desk but finally you’re able to find where Levi headed off too. It was the waiting room of the surgery wing and you felt your heart sink to your stomach. What happened? When you make it through the doors, you find Levi pacing back and forth with his hands tightly knitted in his hair. He looks up to you with hollow eyes but says nothing. He maintains his pacing so you decide to sit in a chair near him, watching him as he does. This continues for a bit until a woman in gray scrubs comes out of the surgery ward, a clipboard in hand and a neutral expression across her face.

“Ackerman?” She calls out. Levi stops dead and he’s quick to bound over to her with you right behind.

“What’s going on?” His voice is gravelly and dripping with anxiety. She eyeballs the two of you and only then do you remember that you both pulled up in matching costumes, now sticking out like a sore thumb in comparison to the white, sterile walls. You wrap your arms around you self-consciously and shoot her a weak grin.

“She’s in stable condition right now. But I’m afraid your mother suffered an extreme heart attack earlier this evening. We had to perform an immediate PCI. The blockage was found and taken care of in time, fortunately.” The nurse states calmly. Mother?

“How did this happen?” His words come through gritted teeth.

“I was not told of the specifics, I’m sorry.”

“Can I see her?”

“You may but she won’t be awake for a while. She just got out of surgery.” She murmurs as she takes a close look at her clipboard.

“I don’t care, I need to see her.”

She looks up from the board to take a look at Levi’s face closely, her eyes trailing up to the cut on his eyebrow before asking, “Would you like us to take a look at that wound while you’re here?”

“No. Can we go now?” Levi clips impatiently.

“Very well. Come with me.” And she starts off to the double doors behind her, pulling her badge out to unlock them. Then she sees you following Levi’s steps and stops to speak to you. “I’m sorry, are you family as well?” You don’t see it, but Levi’s eyes narrow at the nurse.

“She’s with me.” Is all he says but his choice of words makes your stomach flutter. With me. The nurse just sighs and taps her badge to the scanner causing the doors to open with a beep. You’re led down a maze of halls until you get to a room with a big glass window. As you pass it, you’re hit with a fleeting feeling of familiarity at the face that belonged to the woman in the bed. After following Levi into the room, the nurse then closes the door behind you with a click.

The room is silent all besides the beeping of the monitors next to the bed. Levi is already at the woman’s, his mom’s, side. He’s holding her hand and his expression has already gone from dread to worried relief. Your eyes trail over to the woman’s features, and you gasp audibly because this face was indeed familiar. But your mind feels like it’s hitting a wall because you can’t recall exactly why she was so familiar and it frustrates you.

Taking a couple steps forward, you eye the beautiful face trying to rack your brain still. Nothing. Levi’s staring at you like he wants to say something but thinks better of it and shifts his gaze back to his mom. Not this again.

You pull your phone out of your purse and type a quick message to him. A notification ping goes off, but he makes no effort to check it. You wave at him to get his attention and when he looks over, you point to your phone and then towards him.

‘I’m glad to know your mom is okay. Are you?’

“I’m fine.” Short and to the point, as always.

‘You looked like you wanted to say something a minute ago. What?’

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

‘Don’t shut me out. What is it?’

“I’m not shutting you out.” His voice straining.

‘You are. What’s going on with you?’

“There’s nothing going on. Leave it alone.”

‘No. Ever since the party, you’ve been distant with me, and I deserve to know why. What happened that night? Did I do something wrong?’ You stare hard at Levi, but he continues to stare down at the screen. His grip on the phone is tight.

“This is not the time for this right now.” He mumbles coarsely. You huff loudly and slap your hands down to your thighs. His gaze finally cuts over to you, his eyes dark and tired more than usual. Both of you lock eyes for a moment, and you can tell he’s thinking of something else to say to you but then the room is filled with the noises of your stomach growling violently. Your cheeks are quick to flare up and you’re the first to break away from the staring contest.

“Hungry?” Levi quips in a dry tone. You’re quick to frown at him. But you are, you’re severely hungry. In the hour that you were supposed to feed yourself, you ended up window shopping the whole time. Even when you stopped to grab Levi that tea, you didn’t buy yourself food. You were just too engrossed with your surroundings.

“Just go get some food, you’re not useful here.” He’s right, but you can’t keep the hurt look from flashing across your face at his words.

‘Neither are you. Besides, I don’t want to leave you.’ Only after you hit send are you aware of what you just said and you quickly type out, ‘Since I’m your ride, and all.’ Nailed it.

“I can call Erwin.” He could, but you wanted answers and you had him cornered for once.

‘Just come get dinner with me. I’ll take you right back here after. The nurse said she’d be out for a while anyways and that she’s stable. You know they’ll call you if anything happens.’ You glance back over to his mom to study her face again. She was just as beautiful as his son, her features just the same as his. Her familiarity still itched at you.  When you don’t hear a response, you look over to Levi and see that he’s eying you with thought. You offer a small smile, and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine. But here right after.” You swear you hear his stomach rumbling as well.

.

After a brief drive, you both find yourselves sitting in red booths at a diner down the street. The smell of greasy food permeates your senses and you’re drooling already. The multitude of options were too overwhelming, so you went with a simple burger and fries. Levi orders the same without even looking at His menu. His mind was clearly far away at the moment.

‘Spill.’ You shoot at him.

“Really, right here?” He clicks his tongue and looks out to watch the cars passing on the street.

‘Yes, really. Why are you being so distant with me? What did I do?’

“You didn’t do anything.”

‘You could have fooled me.’ You use your straw to stir at your soda mindlessly.

“Tch, it’s nothing you did, okay? I mean it.” He mutters as he takes a sip of his water, eyes still focused on the street.

‘Okay, then what is it?’

There’s a pause.

“How much of your childhood do you remember prior to the fire?” Out of all the things you thought he would say next, this is not one of them. It was so out of left field; it takes him staring you straight in the eyes to be able to respond. You blink down at your phone.

‘Not much. Just warm feelings, an older brother and two parents. Why?’ You can’t help but frown.

“There’s no way to say thi-“ He’s cut off by the waitress coming over to set down your plates of food with a wide grin. You don’t miss the way she looks at Levi. There were practically hearts in her eyes.

“Anything else I can get y’all?” She asks, looking between the two of you.

��No.” Levi remarks dismissively, not even bothering to look up at her.

“Oh, well. Holler if you need me!” She chirps then walks away leaving the two of you to stare at each other. You nervously pick at your fries as you send Levi another text.

‘You were saying?’  

“We used to be neighbors when we were kids.” The fry you held in your fingers drops back to the plate as you process what he just said. Neighbors? No, you’re certain you’ve never seen him before. You look up at him and shake your head.

“We were. I used to come over and play with your brother every day. My mother adored you.” Levi mumbles as he pokes at his burger with a fork. You suddenly feel dizzy as you feel that wall from earlier start cracking. Is this why…? A memory of warm cookies and long raven hair zooms through your mind.

“I’m sure all the trauma you’ve endured for years erased many of your memories. I know for certain you don’t remember me, but I guess that would make sense. I’m not the gangly kid you once knew.” He chuckles darkly. You’re still having a hard time processing what he just said but you definitely can’t recall many memories prior to the time you were with the Zoë’s. You continue to blink hard at him, your dinner all but forgotten. After a moment, your fingers start typing again.

‘I’m sorry I don’t remember you.’

“Tch, that’s your takeaway here?” He rolls his eyes and drums his fingers on the hard table impatiently. He was still holding back.

‘Just say it, Levi.’

“I just didn’t know you were alive, is all.” Alive? Did he think… how did he…?

‘How did you find this all out?’

“The pictures on your desk. I did some searching when I got home that night and found the articles about your family. Mom and I heard about the fire about a year or two after it happened from a stranger in passing.” He leans back in his seat, eyes now falling on your pallid face.

“You know, we moved when I was around nine, so it was strange to hear about something so far away. We assumed the whole family died, no one knew about a survivor. So that’s why I didn’t think anything of it. Also, because, well, you look different now compared to when you were six.” He averts his gaze and takes a drink of his water as he thinks. You’re glad for the pause because this was enough to make your head go reeling. You sit forward and shove your head in your hands to keep yourself from falling over in the seat.  

A couple minutes pass before you’re able to form coherent words, ‘Is that why you’ve been so distant? Because you remembered we had a past together?’ You look up at him through eyelashes, his gaze soft on you. He shifts in his seat uncomfortably. There’s more.

“No.” His hands that sat on top of the table are clenched in fists so tight that you wouldn’t be surprised if his nails drew blood from his palms. You reach over with shaking hands to hold on to one of his to get his attention. With pleading eyes, you stare up at him. He doesn’t shake off your touch, in fact he clasps his fingers over yours and holds on tightly. They were soft and warm and very much needed.

“My dad was a drunk, a very mean, abusive drunk. My mother worked hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table while he stayed home and drank the day away. I always had to clean up after him since he wouldn’t do it himself, leaving half-drunk liquor bottles and lit cigarettes all over the place. And my poor mom, she was already so tired when she came home that I couldn’t bear to see her do more work.” He grips your hand tighter as he looks away.

“One day, my mom came home while I was gone. I didn’t clean that day because I was out so late. So he starts yelling at her, screaming that she was lazy and never picked up around the house." Levi swallows hard.

"When I came home, I see this fucker slapping my mother in the face so hard that she fell backwards, and I snapped. I threatened him with a knife and everything, telling him if he touched me or my mom ever again I would kill him. The bastard laughed in my face. My mom was afraid I would follow through with that threat so that’s why she made us move. God, you were so sad that day.” He takes a deep breath and fixes his gaze back to you. His expression is pained and so full of guilt.

“I’m the reason your family is dead.” Levi’s voice is so soft, it was almost a whisper. You knew that to be a lie considering everything he told you. He moved away before the fire even happened, so that’s not possible. You scan his face, your eyes searching for anything other than remorse and guilt but that’s all there was. You shake your head at him furiously. It’s a lie, you know that.

“I am. I don’t know how it happened, but the dirty bastard died in the house fire of his own doing. But then it caught onto yours and… I just,” He pauses, thinking about his next words. “I can’t help but think that if I never threatened him then my mother and I would have stayed. And I could have been there to clean up after him. I could have stopped the fire from ever happening. I could have kept your family safe, and you would still be with them.”

There’s a very physical pain in your gut as you slowly understand why he was so distant with you, why he was shutting you out. Levi blamed himself for everything. The speed at which you snatch your phone and type away would have been impressive, had you cared at that moment.

‘Not your fault.’

“Yes, it is.”

‘You did not start the fire. He did. Nothing you could have done.’ You reach over even more to look straight into his stormy gray eyes.

“You don’t understand, I could have stopped it.” Levi repeats.

‘Levi, listen to me. There’s nothing in the world that you could have done to stop it. I know more than most how much I wish it didn’t happen but it did. And knowing that even despite my unfortunate circumstances, you were able to get out of such a shitty situation. And that makes me happy. No one deserves someone like that in their life. Especially not you. I’ve made peace with this. You should too.’ You squeeze his hand tightly and stare up at him with what you hoped looked like a reassuring smile. He doesn’t say anything from behind his phone screen.

‘I don’t blame you for anything and that has to count for something.’ He glances up at you again. It’s like the life had deflated from his body and he looked so small. A part of you wished you could hold him and tell him he was okay.

“Thank you.” His voice is hoarse, causing him to clear his throat. “I should have said something sooner, but I was afraid.”

‘Afraid of what?’

“That you would get mad at me or stop talking to me.” He mumbles. You’re not sure if it was the dark talk or the suffocating tension but you laugh, really hard. It feels foreign to you since you do your best not to laugh out loud usually but you don’t care, his simplicity was so funny to you. He furrows his brows at you and starts to pull his hand away but you grab onto it and don’t let it go.

‘I would never. There’s nothing to be mad about.’ Levi’s shoulder’s slump and you can tell a lot of the stress he held in his tiny frame had finally dissipated.

“That’s not funny.” He complains, but a small smirk twitches at the corners of his scarred lips.

‘Thank you for telling me. Really.’ You squeeze his hand once more before letting go of it, the warmth of his skin lingering on your fingertips. A moment of silence ensues, and you take this moment to take a bite of your surprisingly still warm burger. It was delicious and you’re reminded again of how hungry you really were. Levi hesitates but does the same. It’s like this for a while. Comfortable, yet again.

There was no room in your heart to be mad at Levi, especially for something he was not responsible for in any capacity. You were not lying; you really had made peace with it all years ago. If anything, it was reassuring having answers of what had happened that night. And you were grateful for Levi, even if he didn’t believe it. Something else stirs in your chest but you swat it away.

A couple bites later and you can’t help but ask the most important question yet, ‘What was I like back then?’ His scoff and eye roll intrigues you right away.

“You were such a troublemaker. A little shit, if I might say.” You choke on your soda and stare at him with a dumbfounded expression. “It’s true. You got your brother in trouble a lot. Always having to chase after you. There were a lot of times I had to carry you home kicking and screaming because you didn’t get your way.” He exhales in what almost sounded like content. Something flashes in your mind.

‘Was there a frog?’

“Good god, out of all the things you remember, it’s that incident?” He bites into a fry but there’s a smile behind it. It’s not big or anything but it’s enough to warm you from the inside.

‘Well now you HAVE to tell me.’

“There was a pond down the street that you loved to play in. It had started storming and your brother couldn't coerce you into coming home so I picked you up and flung you over my shoulder while you kicked and screamed. All because you wanted to take a frog home to be your new pet.” A visual of pouring rain and staring down at the wet pavement crosses your mind. You can’t help but smile at the memory.

‘Mr. Froggy.’ You giggle at the memory.

“Yes, I believe that’s what you called him.” Levi wipes his mouth and sits forward to look at you, his mouth open to say something else but he closes it just as fast. You tap your finger on the table and shake your head at him, as if to say tell me.

“Okay, okay. I saw something at the fair that I thought you might like.” You sit up quickly and gawk at him. You then point to yourself to make sure that he meant you. He pulls the small brown bag you saw earlier out of a pocket you didn’t even know existed. Clapping your hands together, you smile brightly at him. He places it in front of you. You waste no time tearing into the bag.

Inside is a thin and dainty gold chain necklace with a small pendant hanging off it. It’s a pink, crystal cherry blossom surrounded by the same gold metal. It was simple and elegant and perfect. You stare up at Levi with wide eyes and he has the brightest pink flush dusting his cheeks. He’s not looking at you.

Without even thinking about it, you quickly stand and move to slide into his booth with your back to him, holding the necklace up behind you. You don’t see it, but he is flustered to no end. Though, he understands because he takes it from you and carefully reaches around your neck to clip it on. It sits perfectly and you can't help but turn to him with a wide smile. He's a lot closer than you thought he would be. Silver eyes stare into yours and your smile falters.

“Will this be one check or two?” A chipper voice rings out, making you both jump away quickly. Your face is matching the same flush on Levi’s.

“One, please.” Levi says after clearing his throat. You look back at him with your most offended expression. He just clicks his tongue and pulls out his card from his wallet to hand to the waitress. She runs off to charge it but not before making a face at the proximity of the two of you.

“It’s easier this way.” He mutters quickly. You jump back over to your side, still feeling the heat of your face radiating.

‘Thank you so much, Levi. I love it. How did you know I liked sakuras?’ You cock an eyebrow at him while you fiddled with the small pendant in between two fingers.

“Your bedroom door. It’s a fitting flower for you.” He’s fidgeting with his long sleeves.

‘Something else bothering you?’

“Not really. It’s just, the necklace reminded me of something that’s happening next month and since you love cherry blossoms so much I thought maybe you’d be interested.” He flicks his eyes over to yours quickly before looking down at his phone for your response.

‘Well, what is it?’ It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. Is he asking you what you think he’s asking…?

“It’s a cherry blossom festival. You know, carnival rides, food stalls, rubber duck racing. Would you… like to go w-with me?” He pulls at his collar nervously. You pinch your lips together in hopes it would keep the gigantic grin from forming. You start typing a response but then he quickly cuts in with, “Hange and Erwin are invited of course.” Oh.

‘Yeah, that sounds like fun. Let’s do it.’ You offer him a small smile instead, afraid your disappointment would show.

“Well. Great, that sounds… great.” He sighs.

Yeah, great.

You spend the rest of the evening recalling the last couple of hours in your head over and over again. Hange and Erwin ended up meeting you both back at the hospital and after a quick overview of what happened, both parties went their separate ways with Erwin and Levi staying at the hospital for a little longer. He said he would update you on news of his mom’s status when he got any. It was a very awkward goodbye, to say the least.

Thankfully Hange had not asked any questions of what had transpired but you notice their not-so-subtle glances at the new accessory adorning your neck. You had spent a couple hours of tossing and turning in your bed as you replayed every word that was said tonight until finally you were lulled asleep into the late hours.

☾ Previous Chapter: February ☾ Next Chapter: April

[thexsanctuaryx]

ʚ♡ɞ I'll Follow You Into the Dark ʚ♡ɞ

{ CHAPTER THREE }

Summary: Emma's first meeting with the doctor goes about as well as you'd think and Marc gets firsthand experience of what it feels like to be Jake. Pairing: { eventual } Original Character { Emma Harper } x Marc Spector, Emma Harper x Steven Grant, and Emma Harper x Jake Lockley Contents: mental hospitals, psychiatric hold, Emma meets the doctor, angst { I guess? I don't know what else to call it. }, hurt/comfort-esque vibes Warnings: severe mental illness { psychosis, hallucinations, depression }, main character is actively in psychosis, I've done my best to write it in the least triggering way but there are a lot of heavy themes that will take place in this series, so forewarning. Marc is a danger to himself here but it's only really alluded to in this part. mental hospitals. toxic as fuck doctor, typical misunderstanding and misinterpretation that comes with psychosis. due to the nature of Emma's psychosis, things are very unhealthily skewed in a religious context. triggering themes related to the aforementioned. Author's Note: I recently finished reading Tear Down My Reason by @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction and it inspired me to work on an idea I've been playing with about Emma and the Boys meeting while both in a mental hospital at the same time. I wanted to write a series that would help other people with severe mental illness feel seen and heard as there really AREN'T works out there like this, especially not actually written by people with firsthand experience of things like psychosis. This series is being written with a lot of love and care so I truly hope that it can be cathartic for those who read who might also live with mental illness because you DO matter and your stories DO deserve to be told. Word Count: 1,016 Taglist: @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @sub-aro

She’s quiet on the way back to their wing, a soft scowl seemingly forever over her features.

Marc wants to say something, but doesn’t.

He isn’t sure what she’s hearing as they cross through the locked doors but he knows she’s more caught up in her mind than she is present in the goings on around them.

While the rest of them file into the day room to receive their meds, she’s escorted through another door.

Marc feels a spike of anxiety.

He knows she’s going to see the doctor for the first time and having been to this particular hospital more than once, he knows this doctor.

A harsh and cruel man who deals out diagnoses like poker chips and always loads everyone up on too much medication, that their usual psychiatrists then have to sort out after they’re discharged.

He finds himself pacing the hallway like a caged wild animal, tense and binding their time.

Meanwhile, Emma is taken outside to a sort of courtyard and seated at a table in front of a heartless looking man with a massive binder in front of him.

She shifts nervously on the bench across from him taking in her surroundings and reminiscing on how bright it is and how much it makes her think of the garden of Eden.

The man folds his hands on top of the open binder and gives a menacing smile. “Alright Emma, I like to make deals—do you like to make deals? If you take my medication for three days, I’ll let you go home…”

And just like that, the proverbial serpent seems to take her into a chokehold. Her throat tightens and she finds it hard to breath despite being outside in the fresh air.

She forces a swallow, unable to find her voice.

“Sign here if you agree…”

The man – who she’s now sure is the devil himself – turns a contract around and reaches out a pen with the same sickening smile.

Emma feels like she’s signing her soul away but he gives no other option other than to do so. It feels like a trap, another test that she can’t help but fail.

She doesn’t even remember how to sign her whole name in the confusion of her brain, but she scribbles a ‘signature.’

“Wonderful…” The doctor says, “you can go back inside now.”

Emma stiffly gets up from where she sits, walking back toward the door where they wait to let her back in.

When she’s led back into the wing she can see Marc at the end of the hallway near her room. As if by some latent telepathy, he looks up, locking eyes with her.

She feels trapped now more than ever, like she doesn’t know what to do. So her feet carry her toward him, his own moving to meet her in the middle.

As soon as he gets closer he can see her trembling, tears welling up in her eyes.

He doesn’t know what to do because he can’t hug her but he can tell she’s terrified.

“How’d it go?” He asks, winded and unsure.

Emma shakes her head quickly, falling into a sob that rakes through her body as the tears spill over.

‘That bloody doctor,’ Steven curses.

‘I’ll kill him myself…’ Jake adds.

Marc, on the other hand, feels like he’s never wanted to hug somebody so badly in his life—the one time he can’t.

He wishes he could take her somewhere quiet so she could calm down—but going into each other’s rooms are off limits and the day room is crowded this time of day.

“I’m so sorry…” is all he can say, giving her a soft look of empathy.

Emma, on the other hand, not knowing any better—rushes forward to wrap her arms tightly around Marc’s middle, clinging to him.

It startles him, a little surprised she’d be comfortable enough to do it in the first place.

Risking hell from the hospital staff he does what he instinctively wants to, what feels right—and hugs her back. He can’t help but keep an eye out for prying looks and of course, the staff.

Emma sobs softly against him, feeling safe for the first time in the last 24 hours, as she shakes in his arms.

He holds her as long as he can before it becomes too risky, and withdraws. He gives her a soft look fighting every urge to wipe away her tears.

“We—we’re not really…supposed to do things like that here—I don’t wanna get you in trouble.” He explains gently.

Emma nods quickly even if she misconstrues his meaning for being about what’s appropriate in this liminal space.

She wipes furiously at her eyes.

“Why don’t we sit here for a minute?” He suggests, sliding down the wall along the hallway and reaching his hand up for hers, risking reprimand again.

As if sensing a thought Marc hardly has, Jake speaks up in their headspace, ‘Let them yell at you for helping her—I’ll gladly give them a piece of my mind…’

Marc doesn’t need to see his face in a reflective surface to know the malice in his eyes, the threat that’s far from empty.

Emma takes his hand, moving to sit next to him on the floor. She instinctively rests her head against his shoulder, and he feels as though he suddenly knows exactly how Jake must feel when he protects him and Steven.

He releases a heavy sigh and conceals their clasped hands between them if only for the sake of being able to continue holding hers a little longer.

It occurs to him that the next 80 some odd hours would be crucial for her, and he’s not sure it’ll be long enough to make sure she’s okay.

“You thinking what I’m thinking, boys?” He mutters to the other two in his head. Emma doesn’t seem to mind the way he talks to them in the least, only squeezing his hand tighter.

‘Think we’re gonna need to make an appearance…’ Jake suggests darkly.

‘Most. Definitely.’ Steven agrees.

[sevasey51]

how about chris looking after reader who's got a cold xx just a super fluffy comfort fic! love you xxxx

It started with a sniffle

Paring: Chris Evans × Daughter! Reader

Summary: reader has a cold that turns into a chest infection so she definitely isn't feeling well so Chris is always there to give all the super fluffy comfort she needs.

Warnings: illness, medication, antibiotics, feeling nauseous, dehydration, health anxiety, crying and just feeling like rubbish.

(This is basically a self indulgent type fic because l'm still getting over my chest infection that is definitely clearing so I hope you enjoy!)

It all started with a fever, a stuffy nose and your body feeling like it’d been hit by a truck or dodger coming at you full speed. Whichever you wanted to say was worse.

Your dad was concerned of course because you weren’t someone to get ill, not like this of course - you had been picking at your food at best and it kinda all just went down hill from there.

When you slept you’d wake up in a fever of sweat, shivering the next minute and going back to sleep soon after. Coughing turned into hacking and having multiple coughing fits a day, even after taking a very hard deep breath since they were a struggle at best so your health anxiety wasn’t the thing that wanted to come out right now. Because anything at the moment of doctors can trigger it.

So when you coughed up a little more than some phlegm that was normal for how bad you were coughing… let’s just say that health anxiety was very much triggered at that point your dad just wanted to take you to the doctor or the hospital but you flat out refused.

Locked yourself in your room refused. Because your anxieties can rub off on eachother so sometimes your eachothers worse enemy.

After a lot and I mean a lot of convincing and talking Chris finally managed to get you to agree to go to the hospital because you hadn’t been really eating or drinking so he just wanted to get you checked out for piece of mind.

“Bubba I’m sure they’ll just have a check up and send us home with some stronger cold medicine okay” dad whispers in my ear whilst I’m buried in his chest clinging on to him, whilst sat in the doctors room at the er.

All I can do is wince back at him because talking whilst coughing before or after and where we are isn’t the best for me, so I had an AirPod in with noise cancelling to try and help the anxiety.

A little time later the doctor came back in and zoning out was all I did, even slightly when the doctor was trying to talk to me but dad knew what and how I was feeling, we ended up having to stay in for rehydration and some stronger antibiotics and meds because they had found out I had a chest infection on top of flu.

Scott did his uncle duty of dropping by with all of my comforts to help whilst I was in the worst place I could think imaginable, the peds team I had were the best, my nurse Emily was so sweet - she made sure I was as calm as I could be and even made sure dad was okay and she even played mario kart with me.

So the three days I spend in hospital all in all weren’t that bad because of the nurses and doctors who were looking after me and dad was there every step of the way even if I was worried about getting my flu that I was anxious about passing on.

Coming home was the best feeling ever, even with all the home comforts that were with me there is nothing like my room, my own bed and just mine and dads space with dodger of course!

I was on strict rest and fluids with what I like to call a toddler diet because Emily told me just to eat what was considered safe food for me since I’m still trying to get my appetite back so I’m eating chicken nuggets and strips with ketchup. And blueberries with kinderlyte for rehydration.

So it was snuggles and movies with dad until I was feeling back to my normal self, but I could go see people in about 3 days when most of the ickiness should be cleared and we’re going to see grandma so I’m happy.

And to think it only started with the sniffles

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Reblogs, feedback and asks are appreciated <3

[17snifflesandsnzes]

🤒😔🤝

For Woozi, maybe? Pretty please 🥰

If you have time I'd love to see 🗒 too, but no pressure 😇

Thank u

-🐮

Hi! I just did small descriptions for this bcuz that's what everyone was doing, but I hope you like it!! 💕

🤒: How often do they get sick? What kinds of illnesses do they tend to get most often? Colds, flu, sinus infections, stomach viruses?

🤝: Do they like to be taken care of when they’re not feeling well? Or do they hate it when people fuss over them? If they do, what’s their favorite thing about being taken care of? If not, why don’t they like being taken care of? How bad would they have to be before they’d let anyone take care of them in any capacity?

😔: What are their “tells” when they’re not feeling their best? Do they sleep more or less? Do they become easily irritated, aggressive, snap at little things? Or do they withdraw and become quieter, cry at the drop of a hat, stay in the background? What’s the one surefire way that one of their loved ones would be able to tell that they’re sick?

📝: Quick! Come up with a scenario for them! It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something you think would be cute or something you’d like to see with them!

Lee Jihoon (Woozi):

🤒: Jihoon gets sick at least every comeback. It's mainly bcuz during comeback season, he starts neglecting his health and locks himself up in his studio, which causes him to usually get sick. He usually gets a lot of colds, but his symptoms are worse. He'll usually get a moderately high fever with a cold.

🤝: Jihoon absolutely hates anyone fussing over him when he's sick. He just doesn't like to appear weak in front of his members. He also doesn't like people fussing over him for something so insignificant like getting sick. But if he has a high fever, he'll be incapable of working anyway, and if someone catches him like that, he'll be more willing to be taken care of.

😔: One of Jihoon's tells when he's getting sick is definitely how snappish he'll be. He'd get angry at whoever's trying to get him to rest and get infinitely more stressed about everything. He'll also lock himself up in his studio to avoid having to talk to his members. This is exactly when the members know that Jihoon's sick.

📝: Something I think about often is Jihoon getting sick during Nana Tour. In Italy, he won't have anywhere to hide, and with all his members there, I think he'd actually let himself be cared for. Mainly because Nana Tour made him more open as a person, I think if he caught a cold after the "hot-air balloon," he would actually let Mingyu or Soonyoung take care of him.

I hope you liked this!! Feel free to request more, this was really fun!! 🫶

[sgt-morgan]

Mine all mine. 🌙🦋

Joel Miller x OC

Summary: late night ramblings.

Warnings: angst, pure unadulterated angst. Death of a character. Illusion to illness or cancer. The unnamed OC is AFAB and female identifying.

A/N: This is so fucking sad. It’s depressing. Do not be mad at me if you read it and are sad, I cried while writing it. I was listening to Mitski and Neil Young and I accidentally made this. I’m so sorry. Read at your own risk. I’ve been going through it so I needed this outlet.

Joel senses it before it happens. He knows all her little tricks and tells. Hell, he should, after about four years of sleeping next to her every night. Her every tick is tattooed on his brain, he can practically read her every movement behind his eyelids. She shifts a bit, and curls up on his chest and then he can feel the weight of her eyes on him, her chin digging into his chest. She’s staring at his face, and here any moment now, she’d run her fingertips down the bridge of his nose, over his lips, down his cheek, then she’d rest her hand on the side of his neck. She can’t sleep, or she won’t, doesn’t matter, if she wants him awake, he’ll be awake.

She traces her favorite path with ease, and he sighs into the calm feeling of sweet contact. Her little sweet, familiar, touches as she debates whether or not to bother him. She, of course, is not a bother, but she wouldn’t believe it. So he just waits as she plucks up the courage to start speaking. He gets impatient though, always wanting more of her, as much of her as he can get, so he decides to cave.

“Baby, can I help you?” He cracks an eye open to see her staring up at him with tired yet adoring eyes and he grins.

“No, I just love you.” She shakes her head and keeps staring. He stares right back, wanting to keep every bit of her he can locked away in his heart. He’s been trying to do that more, he knows he needs it he guesses, he still thinks there are pieces of her his memory will never properly replicate. He hopes he’s wrong.

“Ok,” he nods, running a hand up and down her back in a soothing motion. “You’re still awake?” It’s a rhetorical question, he knows she’s awake obviously, he just hasn’t picked up on the why yet.

“Yeah,” she nods, gently rubbing her cheek on his chest and inhaling his scent. “I’m tired, but I’m not sleepy.”

Joel peeks at the alarm clock to see its 11:50. Not terrible, it’s not 3 am, he figures she’s probably in pain, so she’s not sleeping well. He forgets the clock, it doesn’t matter, he’d never sleep again if he thought she needed him.

“Ok,” he nods again, pressing a kiss to her hair. “ whatcha thinking about?” He runs a hand through her hair and scratches the base of her scalp. If she could purr he thinks, she’d be as content as a cat, she loves when he plays with her hair, always has.

“When we get married, I wanna do it on the beach.” She mumbles, lightly biting his arm before kissing him in the same spot. “I wanna go out of the way of a lot of people so people who I’m obligated to invite won’t come to my destination wedding.” She starts running a finger up and down his face again and he just nods and listens to her start talking about everything and nothing. “I also think it would be really funny to make Ellie and Sarah the flower girl and ring barer. I want my sister to officiate, and I think that we should make my brother an usher, just to piss him off. June can be the made of honor. Also? I don’t wanna wear shoes under the dress. I just think they’re uncomfortable.” He hums in approval.

“Yeah, that way I can wear boots and it won’t seem weird.” He nods.

“Exactly,” she shifts again, laying flat in his arm next to him and stares up at the ceiling, silent for a moment. “I think pink would look really ugly on me, so we can’t use that as the wedding color.”

“Yeah, we should do green, looks good on you.” Joel nods.

“Yeah, sold,” she nods. “Harvest moon by Neil young is out first dance.” She says, wrapping an arm around Joel’s again from this new position on her back. He turns his face over to look at her, her eyes are a puffy purple color, and her lips are cracked. A cough wrenches from her chest, and he doesn’t say anything, just watches her. Soaks up the tone of her voice and the color of her eyes, even though they’re bloodshot and exhausted.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll make Bill play it on the piano. He’s got the talent.” He nods, listening to her breath rattle in her chest. He breathes in the smell of her, it’s muffled by sweat and sickness, but he wants it imprinted in his skin and on his brain.

“We should do a bonfire instead of an actual afterparty or reception or whatever.” Her breathes keep getting shallower and shallower, her words are slurring. He can feel the tears press behind his eyes, but he won’t acknowledge them, and he damn sure won’t let her see them. “Couple coolers of beer and someone’s car radio. That kinda thing.”

“I like it, casual but fun.” He nods, pulling her closer and burying his nose in her hair.

“Do you think she’ll like me?” She wonders, the words are getting spacey and unintelligible, but he doesn’t mind, he knows what she’s asking.

“Oh sure, she’s gonna love you.” Joel nods, running a hand up and down her arm. Then everything is quiet and he just lays there, soaking her in, he wants to scream for Ellie, but she saw her this morning, Ellie already knows everything she needs to hear from her, so he decides to be selfish, wants her to relax into this. Her eyes drift around seeing things he can’t, but god does he wish he could.

“My sister, she looks so much like my mom now.” She mumbles. “And my brother is tall, I didn’t think he would be tall.” She laughs. “My mom always fussed with his clothes, I wonder if she’s gonna fuss with mine, think my dress is gonna fit?”

“Course, it’s gonna be great, you’re gonna be the prettiest bride out there.” He nods, letting a tear soak into his pillow. He pulls her that much closer, trying to memorize the press of her against his skin.

“Oh wow, my June is so pretty.” She says breathless. “She doesn’t look a thing like her daddy thank god, she’s gonna love you.” She laughs, but it’s a wet,rattling thing. It hurts his chest. “I bet she and Sarah are gonna be best friends.” There’s that silence again, he lets her think. He would t dare interrupt whatever she’s seeing right now. Then she gasps.

“She’s got your eyes.” She says with such conviction, and he looses his last bits of restraint. He knows who she’s talking about. “Joel, she’s beautiful. You were right, she’s sweet.” Joel can’t help the sobs that wrack his body now, but he knows she doesn’t notice them, he wouldn’t be crying if he thought she could. She turns to him suddenly, and it would be startling if her eyes weren’t so radiant and happy.

“Oh hey there cowboy, I love you.” she grins as if meeting him that first time all over again and he beams at her and mouths it back through his tears. “What’s a girl gotta do to get a kiss?” She teases and he can’t help but grin.

“All you ever have to to is ask.” He sniffles and kisses her with every ounce of love he can find in his body. He breathes every last piece of his soul he has left in him into that kiss. It’s a wretched thing, torn up and sad, but it’s her’s. He wants her to have it, to take it with her. She’ll know what to do with the pieces, she’ll mend it and give it back when he sees her again. When he pulls back her eyes are closed, she looks peaceful, he won’t try and wake her. He’ll spare himself the false hope. He doesn’t want to disturb her anyway.

“You just get ready up there, you hear?” He whispers, tucking her hair behind her ears. “You get all dressed up, and you practice your dancing. I’ll see you on the beach. I’ll wear my boots, and my tie for you ok? You just stand at the end of the aisle and look pretty. I’ll see you as soon as I get there.” He looks miserably at the window where the breeze floats into the room, casting moonlight over the sill. A little butterfly is on the sill, he smiles when he sees it.

“Thanks for coming to get her Sarah.” He huffs a laugh and lays there holding her a while longer. It’s the last chance he’ll get after all.

When morning breaks, Tommy finds Joel sitting under the tree behind his house. He’s got her jacket across his lap and her locket curled in his fist. The dirt is piled up neatly and a little wooden cross is on top of it, her name neatly carved into it as well as a little moon. Tommy knew this was coming. Knew it from the moment Joel came barreling out of the doctors after you inexplicably collapsed on a patrol. It was awful, watching her suffer like that. It nearly killed them all, but she was a trooper. Through all of the pain, and sickness, and loss of function, she stood strong. She smiled and laughed and reminded them all they would be ok. Hell, she was so damn cheerful throughout the whole thing he almost believed they would be. He didn’t believe it now.

“She had to go get ready, we’re getting married yah know?” Joel sniffs and raises to dust himself off. He pats Tommy on the shoulder. Tommy knew about this, the planned wedding in the spring. She talked about it when she felt her worst, planning a wedding that would never happen, but if it made her smile they would plan her a wedding on mars. It was whatever got them through it, that was the rule, whatever made the day go by.

Tommy doesn’t know what to say, what to do to make it better, so he doesn’t say anything. He just sheds a tear and nods, patting his brother on the back. “I put the stuff that’s useable in a box on the porch, get em to who needs em. That’s what she wanted. Hope you don’t mind me keeping this though.” He runs his hands over the fabric of her coat and shakes his head.

“Of course not Joel, that’s fine. Keep whatever you want. I’ll take- um.” Tommy clears his throat and sniffs. “I’ll take the box to Maria.”

Joel nods. “I’ll uh, I’ll just go give this to Ellie.” He runs a thumb over the locket he’s holding. “She’s got her other jacket.” Tommy nods and his eyes are suddenly drawn to a set of rings on a new chain around Joel’s neck.

“She told me to hold onto em till the wedding. Says she would loose them.” Joel sniffs. “I’ll just. I’ll just go see Ellie.” Tommy hopes Ellie doesn’t give him a hard time, they may not be on speaking terms, but she is their only level ground. They don’t fight when she’s involved. He hopes that the kid lets him back in, he looks bitterly at the grave and presses and hand to his lips. Joel whistles a tune as he walks away, and Tommy’s eyes press closed when he recognizes it. He can’t help the bitter sob that wracks through him, heartbroken once again for his big brother, unable to fathom how one person can keep loosing so much and still keep going. Still, Joel’s tune wraps around him like a hug. It’s their song.

“Because I'm still in love with you

I want to see you dance again

Because I'm still in love with you

On this harvest moon.”

[detective-and-dreamer]

Lenora returns from the world's worst vacation with some papers, a knife, and guilt (mostly h/c with some Nemesis spoilers):

"There!" a zailor calls, leaning over the rail and pointing. Other shouts follow; Emory barely hears them. He's already halfway down the gangplank.

It's been days hours months some time since they saw her off. In that time, he has lost three crew members - more than he had hoped and less than he had imagined. Two have abandoned them for any ship they could find heading back to London. One has willingly gone ashore despite everyone's protests (what madness, he thinks, just as he had when she'd told him of her plans).

But he has not lost her.

Between her staggering and his sprinting, both of them nearly fall from the dock as they meet. She clutches his arms and leans against him while he steadies them both.

"Em'ry," Lenora slurs into their collar, and then her full weight is upon them.

Cursing, they carry her up to the ship, heedless of their stitches. The Meticulous Doctor plucks her from his arms with a glare while the rest of the crew rushes unbidden to their posts. No glass rain falls. None of the deck's boards turn to paper. Nobody suffers any sudden changes of anatomy. The Iron Republic, it seems, is willing to let them leave without a parting shot.

"Just get us out of here," says the Meticulous Doctor when he tries to follow her. A few locks of hair have escaped her tight updo, as much a testament to anxiety as their own disheveled state.

The work, at least, is easy as breathing. Emory runs up their mother's flag to hold off all but the most daring or idiotic pirates; they'll have to remember to take it down again when they leave Shepherd's Wash. Orders and warnings fly back and forth across the deck. He doesn't think they've ever pushed the Aegis this hard, but everyone just wants to be home. They want it so badly that nothing will stand in their way. Corsairs? Zee-monsters? Hardly threats at all. He lets himself get lost in it until the Taciturn Explorer elbows him in the side.

"Doctor's waiting," he mutters, practically ripping the wheel from their hands.

"Change out the flag before the Navy-"

"-spots us, aye. Go."

Lenora's eyelids flutter when they enter the cabin. She murmurs something he can't quite catch, and then she's out again. The Meticulous Doctor rises from her bedside and squeezes Emory's shoulder on her way towards the door.

"Someone apparently patched her up before she left," she says. "She's just exhausted. Come find me if anything changes, or she asks for anything when she wakes up." Emory nods and takes her place in the ornate wooden chair. Joining Lenora in sleep would be better, but he knows he won't be able to relax until they've made it to safer waters.

He starts playing cat's cradle to distract himself. The thin string is worn and will need replacing soon, but it doesn't snap as they lace it back and forth between their fingers. Zailor's bed to calm Zee. They glance at Lenora; she doesn't toss and turn with nightmares or even shift around in her usual manner. He hates that stillness, but she's still breathing and doesn't look ill, so it's not as bad as it could be. They refocus - diamonds to cat's eye to -

A soft rustling of blankets and small hands slipping between their own to take the string. Fish in the net.

"Nora," they breathe. "Are you-"

"I'll be fine," she says flatly. "They...took a lot of the pain somehow, both physical and emotional. I can't remember it very well. How are you and the rest of the crew?"

"...There's three gone. Not dead, far as I know, just left. Hadn't been with us before, aside from the Prim Engineer...'course, there were a lot who never came to begin with." He reaches out to retrieve the string for two crowns before coiling it and shoving it into his pocket. "Everyone else is all right."

"You're injured," she says, glaring as if she can see the bandages and stitches through his shirt.

"I'm fine. I think we're damned lucky, to be honest."

"...I suppose you're right." Lenora sighs nonetheless as she sits up fully. "I hated the idea of subjecting anyone to this, so if they wanted to return home I can hardly blame them. I'll still pay them, even, simply for enduring it." She looks over at him and narrows her eyes suddenly. They have no idea what minute change of expression she's caught, but they know they can't get away with any further omission.

"One of the deckhands didn't go back. They're..." He gestures the way they came. "Tried to convince them otherwise and they just snuck off soon as they could."

"God," Lenora groans, burying her face in her hands. "Why? That place is..."

"Hell?" they offer with a weak smile. It gets her to laugh, at least, even if it sounds half like a sob. "I don't know what they wanted. Not sure they did. Should've tied 'em up, maybe."

"I don't know if they would have thanked you for it or not," she says with a shake of her head. "If it was our doctor, or someone like her, I would have been able to say with some certainty that it was just a temporary madness, but...as you said, we had picked them up not long before our departure. Perhaps it was always their goal."

"Could be." Emory says. Normally the two of them are much more stringent when it comes to evaluating new recruits, but when several of their usual crew members had understandably declined to join this particular voyage, they'd had to take what they could get. It doesn't make things any easier, but there's nothing to be done about it now. There are plenty of pirates in that area; hopefully they'll join up with someone instead of staying in the Iron Republic itself.

A dull thud startles them both. Lenora's leather satchel is laying on the desk, papers threatening to spill out. Something wrapped in rags is already on the floor. She stares at it, taking a long and shaky breath, and when Emory picks it up a bit of fabric falls away to reveal the hilt of a knife.

"Fuck," she says, which is rare enough that they nearly hurt their neck with how quickly they turn to look back at her. "I don't - I don't know why I picked it up, I just - I couldn't leave it, but-"

He wraps it back up and drops it into a desk drawer. They can hide it somewhere later, or throw it into the Zee if she'd prefer. The rest is put away neatly for her to study later.

"...Come here?" Lenora asks in a small voice, worrying a stray thread on her blanket.

Emory doesn't bother to strip to his undergarments, but removes his belt and shoes before slipping into bed and pulling her into his arms. She curls into them immediately, resting her head on their shoulder. They press their cheek to her hair. It's devoid of its usual bergamot scent, instead uncomfortably metallic and smoky. He doesn't turn away.

"...I'm sorry," she says after a minute, tracing a soothing pattern along the side of his neck. "You shouldn't have had to go there. None of you."

"We all agreed," they remind her.

"I know, but..."

"It's over now. Besides," he says in another attempt to lighten the mood, "you did say we'd be well-paid."

"Of course." She doesn't take the bait; he can feel her frown. "In fact, I'll double what I promised, since it was so much worse than I could have imagined. You all deserve it."

"You don't need to, but I'm sure there'll be no complaints," Emory says.

Any response is cut off by a sharp knock on the door. He extricates himself and returns to the chair as a concession to propriety.

"Come in," Lenora says after lying down again. The Meticulous Doctor is hardly fooled, judging by the arch of her eyebrow, but then again their...involvement is an open secret. She's already given him a lecture that still embarrasses him to think about, despite having spent his life around zailors (it's the clinical tone, he thinks).

"How are you feeling?" she asks.

"I'm all right. I wasn't very wounded by the time I left."

"I know that, but it's impossible to tell what might have happened to someone in a place like that. No symptoms of illness, no lingering changes?"

Lenora shakes her head, but still consents to another examination. Emory puts on his discarded pieces of clothing and slips out while the two are occupied.

"All good?" the Taciturn Explorer asks as they return to the helm.

"Good as it can be, I think," he replies. A longer and more painful discussion is in their future, he's sure, but it can wait.

For now, he just needs to get them home.

[chaotic-on-main]

Chapter 5: March

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, romance, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse, smoking and alcohol abuse mentions, domestic violence (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! So uh, this chapter is a lot. In a lot of ways lol. There's some fluff, there's some slight angst. Overall, there's finally some explanations that I hope ties the whole story together. I hope y'all like it because I've been kicking myself over this chapter ALONE. If you missed the last chapter, you can catch that here!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~9.1k (please don't hurt me

You can’t help but tug at the thin fabric that scratched at your skin as you pull yourself out of the driver’s side of Hange’s car. The red dress trailing down your figure sat pretty loose, but it was not comfortable to you in the slightest. Come to think of it, it wasn’t just the fabric that made you uncomfortable, it was the fact that Hange had talked you into dressing up in the first place. While Hange spent many days gathering the things needed for her costume, you opted for something you already had shoved in the back of your closet from a Halloween party a couple years ago. And now, you were about to meet Erwin and Levi in said costume when you didn’t even know if they were into this kind of thing. You pull on your flowing sleeves in anxiety as your sister gets out of the passenger side, fixing their eye patch to sit better on their face.

“We made it!” They shriek in the cool, early spring air. They were donned in a casual pirate get up with a loose brown tricorn resting on their ever-frazzled hair. A fake cutlass hung from their hip as well as other colorful bits and bobbles. They look confident and energized as they look over to you with a wide eye.

“Well, let’s go find them! Erwin just texted me that they’re waiting by the admission booths.” You both close the car doors at the same time and you make sure to lock the car with the keys before shoving them down into your small cross-body purse. Your heart flutters as you're reminded again of the two men waiting for you, of the specific one you were nervous about seeing again. Or was it excitement? You weren’t certain. Yanking on your dress again, you follow on Hange’s heels as they trek to the front gates of the Jinae Renaissance Faire.

Not long after do the admission gates show themselves to you both. As you step up to the line, you start to open your purse to pay when Hange grabs your arm and tugs you out of it, muttering something about it already being taken care of. When you give her a disgruntled look, she’s looking off to the side as she screams.

“There you are! I barely recognized you two!” They start pulling you in that direction as you struggle to zip your bag up through the rough bouncing of your running. When you look up, you see two figures, one tall and one short. Erwin and Levi. Your heart practically stops as you realize why you didn’t recognize them at first.

Erwin is dressed as a knight, his helmet tucked under his arm. You’re not sure if the silver reflecting off the sun is from real metal or not, but it’s quite the look regardless. He’s grinning down at you, and it made him look like a very handsome, well, knight in shining armor.

Levi stands next to him, arms crossed over his chest and he’s staring straight at you with a look you couldn’t discern, you don’t notice the way his eyes widen in recognition for a second. His stark gray eyes are covered by a black mask. He’s also wearing a solid black pirate-esque costume, gloves included. You gasp because you knew this costume. You knew it because you had dressed up as his character’s counterpart.

“Well, well, well. Look at what we have here!” Hange exclaims as they stop short in front of them. You wave to them with a wavering smile and then point to Levi’s get up, flicking your finger up and down his body with a furrowed brow as a way to ask, ‘Did you know?’

“I did not choose this.” Levi states briskly. He curls his right hand around the sword hilt that rests on his hip, the sound of leather squeaking as he does so.

“You can blame me for that,” Erwin’s deep voice cuts in, amused. “He wasn’t going to dress up, or even come for that matter, but I finally talked him into it.”

“Oh yeah? What did it?” Hange’s eye widened in faux surprise, a smirk playing on their lips.

“Are we going or not?” Levi starts walking in the direction of the entrance, not bothering to look behind him to see if anyone was following. Erwin chuckles and goes after him, and you and Hange are quick to follow.

The fair took place in a campsite deep in the forests of Jinae. The afternoon sun peeked its way through a canopy of tall evergreens. Fresh early spring air breezes through the trees as well as your flowing hair and you can’t help but breathe in deeply. What a gorgeous day, you think. Fallen foliage crunches underneath you as you all make your way deeper into the festivities. Plenty of people mill past, many of them dressed up to the nines and chattering away happily. You pick up the pace in excitement as your eyes wander.

The smells of smoked meat and various vegetables filled the air as you drew closer to the heart. There also lie a variety of stalls selling trinkets, fake weaponry, and leather goods that lined up parallel to the path you walked on. You couldn’t keep the grin off your face as you stare at it all in awe. An elven woman with antlers covered in sparkling gems bounces up next to you with a big smile and holds out a white lily for you to take. You hesitate but take it from her fingers delicately and sign a ‘thank you’ at her with your other hand. Her eyes go wide and enthusiastically signs back ‘You’re welcome.’ You can’t help it, you giggle in delight. She waves goodbye and flounces away, the assorted chains that littered her body twinkling in the sunlight as she does. When you turn back to your group, Hange and Erwin are already far ahead, but Levi has stopped and is staring at you.

You inhale the flower’s scent as you saunter up to where Levi stood; he hadn’t moved an inch as he waited for you to catch up. His eyes are dark as they study your face. His mouth opens like he’s about to say something but then immediately closes it, turning away from you swiftly and starts off in the direction of the rest of the group. You purse your lips as you trail behind him, slightly annoyed.

Ever since Hange’s Valentine’s party last month, Levi has been really strange around you, even through your text messages. It’s not like how it was after the gala, it felt more isolating. Like he wasn’t allowing you into his space. Which granted, is pretty normal for anyone trying to get to know him better. But it didn’t really feel like you were just anyone, at this point. After that night on the patio at his apartment, it really felt like you two were getting along better. But now it felt like he was shutting you out again. It was all so frustrating.

Your group spent the next few hours bouncing around different activities; Everyone took turns deciding. Erwin had chosen a jousting match to kick things off. It wasn’t really your thing, but Erwin was captivated the whole time. Even Levi’s eyes never left the rough sport for a second, but his face didn’t give off a single emotion. It ended when one of the riders got knocked off so hard that they didn’t even get up from the dirt. Considering the lack of urgency to get him off the field, it must have not been a life-threatening injury. Still, you can’t help but feel bad for the guy.

After that, it was Hange’s turn and they decided on a play that was showing in the amphitheater. They were doing some sort of homemade play about a princess being held hostage from bandits and a knight that goes on a journey to save her. It wasn’t half bad, you thought. Your favorite part was when the savior got their almost doll-like blonde-haired princess to safety, they took their helmet off to reveal it was actually a lady knight; She has choppy brunette hair that was pulled into a low ponytail and freckles that dotted along her nose. The way the knight and the princess stare toward one another makes you really feel the love that they held for each other, and you had to admit the ending got to you because of it. You applaud loudly as the cast takes a bow, the knight and princess both holding onto each other with wide smiles.

A half hour later, you all find yourselves standing outside of the amphitheater trying to think of what to get for a late lunch. There were so many food stalls that it had started to overwhelm you. You fidget with your sleeves as you watch Hange and Erwin talk, while Levi stays quiet as always. You glance at him with a side eye in hopes he would meet your gaze. However, he keeps it averted from you, appearing to people watch instead. It’s not like he had ever ignored you in the past month, but his abnormal stoicism towards you was really starting to get under your skin. His guard was up, and you didn’t know why. What had changed from that night of the party to now?

“I think we passed a stall back that way that sold pizza. I want that!” You hear Hange say in excitement, pointing down a dirt path to your left.

“You are more than welcome to do so but I think I’ve decided on one down there. I saw something about meat pies, and I’m intrigued.” Erwin stares down at a map of the grounds as he speaks.

“What about you two? Does anything stick out to you?” Hange spins on you and Levi.

“Whatever.”

You just shrug with a small smile.

“Great input, guys.” They roll their eyes at you and go back to looking over Erwin’s shoulder at the map.

“Well, we could all split up for a moment to get our respective lunches and reconvene at the axe throwing and archery area in about an hour or so? I think you wanted to do that for your turn?” Erwin pipes up as he looks behind his shoulder at you. You nod vigorously at it all, mainly at the choice of activity. You’ve always wanted to try both sports and were ecstatic when you saw it on the list of available stations.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea. There are a couple of other booths I wanted to check out earlier, this is a good opportunity.” Hange says as they stare down the path where the supposed pizza stall sat. You wave to get their attention.

‘I’m going to wander around myself then, if that’s cool with you?’ They give you a skeptical look and purse their lips.

“Will you be okay alone?” Levi’s head jerks up to Hange’s question then to you.

“She’s going alone?”

“She asked if she could.” They shrug their shoulders and Levi scoffs but says nothing else.

“Make sure your phones are on you and we’ll meet up in an hour.” Erwin cuts in, nodding to each of you before turning on his heels and disappearing in the crowd. So businesslike, you chuckle to yourself. Your sister grabs your hand then squeezes it before running off down the other way. Then it’s just you and Levi. You both look at each other. You’re about to offer if he would like to walk with you but he turns his back to you before you can get his attention.

“See you in an hour.” He says and walks into the crowd without looking back, leaving you alone. You blink hard at the empty space. Even after spending hours together, he’s still distant with you. You can’t help the hurt from seeping into your chest. You bite your cheek as you turn and start off in a random direction with no idea of where you’re going.

.

See you in an hour? Levi couldn’t stop the cold words from sliding out. He almost asked if he could tag along with you but he forced himself to walk away because he couldn’t dare to look you in the eyes. He’d been so careful around you in the last month but it’s like he couldn’t hold back anymore. If he put himself in a position to be with you alone, there’s no telling what else might come out of his mouth. Levi was afraid it wouldn’t come out the way he wanted. He needed more time to figure out how he would approach you about the past, your past. And how his guilt was suffocating the life out of him.

Levi shoves his hands in his pocket as he weaves through the crowd in the direction of their rendezvous spot. There wasn’t anything he needed at this place so he decided he would give his leg a break while he waited for everyone else. That is until something sparkling in the late afternoon sun catches his attention. His good eye snaps to it immediately and he can’t help but take a couple steps closer to get a better look at what it was. There hanging on a small jewelry stand is a delicate gold necklace. It was simple and modest despite its shine.

“Ah, I see this has caught your eye.” A soft voice rings out from behind the counter, belonging to an older lady that he had not noticed before. She has short blonde hair that had started to gray at the roots and light, kind eyes that crinkled in the corners. A warm smile lights up her face.

“No, I was just going.” Levi’s eyes trail back to the necklace before turning around to leave.

“It’s my last one for the day. Since it caught your eye, I’ll let it go at a special price. Who is it that’s on your mind?” Levi’s steps falter then he looks back at the woman with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry?”

“Forgive me, but you seem to have that look on your face that only someone gets when there’s a person on their mind. So, who is it?” The lady leans over on the table she sat behind, propping herself up with her elbow and stares at Levi with earnest.

“I- that’s not any of your business.” He clicks his tongue and starts off in the direction behind him again.

“Whoever it is, they must be causing quite a storm inside you!” She shouts out.

“You don’t know anything about me.” Levi digs his heels in the dirt and stalks back over to the booth where the lady sits, his hands clenched into fists as he stares hard into the accuser’s eyes.

“Oh, no? There isn’t someone in your life right now digging up your past?” Levi reels and opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

She continues, “Humor me, son. This old woman is getting bored of the hustle and bustle out there. What’s on your mind? I’ll give you the necklace as payment if I find it entertaining enough.”

“Ma’am, not to be rude but I literally do not know you. And my life story isn’t some story for you to gawk at.”

“Strangers make the best confidants I find. And you look like you’re about to burst at the seams.”

Levi considers this for a moment. He hadn’t been able to talk to anyone about what’s been plaguing him all month. Since that night in your bedroom, seeing those picture frames. It had shaken him to his core and the only person he actually wanted to talk about it with was you, and, well. This woman was indeed a stranger, what could it hurt? He’s never going to see this woman again, he hopes.

“Tch, fine.” Levi sighs heavily and starts from the beginning.

.

It had been about an hour since your group broke up when you found yourself trekking to the rendezvous spot. You had a great time wandering around by yourself, making sure to double back to a couple stalls you had passed earlier in the day. While you focused mainly on window shopping, you couldn’t help but buy yourself a tiara inlaid with the most spectacular fake gemstones. They glimmered off the late afternoon sun as you passed underneath the spotty shaded canopy with a cup of hot liquid in your hand. Even though Levi had brushed you off earlier, you were not going to let that bother you. Maybe he was going through something right now and wasn’t ready to talk to you about it, you hope.

When you make it to the clearing, you smile as you see Levi sitting at one the benches massaging his leg. There’s a small paper bag next to him. As you get closer, his gray eyes look up to meet you and pinches his lips together into a thin line. There was something different about his aura now, it didn’t feel as hostile as before. Though you could tell there was something still bothering him. When you’re right in front of him, you offer him the cup. He raises an eyebrow at you before taking a tentative sip. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Is this black tea? Where did you find this?” He takes another drink the way he does with his fingertips. You hold up a finger to him and grab your phone out of your purse.

‘A stall all the way on the other side. I did a lot of walking in the last hour.’

“I couldn’t find a drink stall that had anything I wanted. Thanks.” You give him a nod and drop yourself down next to his side on the bench to wait for the rest of your party. Levi says nothing else, but he does give you a side eye and glances up at the shining headpiece you adorned. You can’t help but smile widely at him and strike a lazy pose to show it off. You really did feel like a real princess even with the itchy dress. He turns his head away quickly and you fold your hands onto your lap, your smile slowly fading. You wish you could read minds.

“Ah, there you two are!!” A voice shrieks out. Hange comes practically skipping over with a grinning Erwin right behind her. “Sorry we’re so late. I have no excuses.” You can’t help but roll your eyes and laugh as you stand up to meet them. You hear Levi shuffling to do the same, the paper bag crinkling in his hand as he grips it tightly.

“I hope you all ate well because it’s time for some axe throwing and arrow nocking.” Erwin says with a slight chuckle. You nod vigorously and start off under the archway leading into your next activity.

Archery was not your forte, you quickly find out. You couldn’t stop holding the bow in a way that would keep the string from snapping back into your forearm. You had to stop after a couple tries because you feared if you tried any more, the bowstring would slice right into your skin. There will most definitely be a bruise there by the end of tonight. Erwin was phenomenal with the bow, and you could not help but stare in awe as he basically achieved a bullseye with every other arrow.

Axe throwing on the other hand was cathartic in all the best ways. You were not very accurate at it, but you achieved hitting the hard wood and that was an accomplishment all in its own right. Everyone had taken several steps back when it came to Hange’s turn. The wicked gleam in her eyes was enough to warn every one of her potential. Fortunately, she was actually fairly good at the sport. One of her axes only bounced back once. Levi, of course, was great at both sports, hitting the targets with deadly precision. You shudder at the thought of anyone on the receiving end of Levi’s wrath given the opportunity to use weapons like these.

The sun was just starting to lower in the sky when it was time for Levi’s choice. Like you, he went with something a little more physically exerting. He opted for sword fighting. You could tell that Erwin was just as excited for it as well because his smile had not left his face the entire time you all made your way down to the field. Hange wasn’t exactly thrilled about it because she worried what might happen even with wooden swords, so both of you decided to sit on the sidelines to watch them closely.

They must have been sparring partners in a past life because the way they moved around each other in the field was mesmerizing. Every hit was met with a perfect parry. There were dodge rolls and feint attacks. Even with Levi’s physical limitations, he was still keeping Erwin on his toes, neither one going easy on the other. You had to admit that it was fun to observe them go at each other.

In the blink of an eye, you watch as Erwin twists his body in a way that grants him access to punch Levi in the face with the hilt of his sword. You stand up quickly, about to jump over the guardrail to make sure Levi was okay but he doesn’t even falter. He staggers back for a moment but goes right back into a defensive stance. From here, you can see the left side of Levi’s face has a small dribble of blood running down it. It’s coming from a cut above his left brow, and he’s not even batting an eye.

Levi comes at Erwin so quickly that you’re barely able to keep up with it. In a flash, he’s right behind Erwin and about to kick his legs out from under him but Erwin throws himself into Levi to knock him back. And then they’re at it again. You lean over the rail in anticipation, glancing back and forth between them and the sword instructor in hopes that they would come over and make them stop before things got too rough. But they did nothing, in fact they were staring at them in awe just as you were at their movements.

“Shit!” You hear along with the clattering of a wooden sword against the hard dirt. You stare in panic as you see Erwin holding his right wrist as he grimaces in pain. You and Hange immediately start running to them.

“Oh fuck, Erwin I’m sorry. I didn-“

“No, no. We were both going too hard. I should have seen this coming.” He says through gritted teeth as he holds his hand to his chest.

‘Are you okay? What happened?’ You sign to him quickly, your face no doubt flushed with anxiety. Levi is horror stricken as he stares at his best friend, who as always remains calm. The instructor is nowhere in sight when you need him, of course.

“A simple disarming maneuver. It’s just twisted is all.” Erwin nods down at you in reassurance, adding a warm smile with it. You’re most definitely not reassured.

“Alright boys, let’s take you both to the infirmary.” Hange sighs as she grabs Erwin by his other arm and tugs him along. You take a step forward to follow but Levi just huffs behind you, no sign of movement comes from his direction.

“You all go ahead, I’ll be fine.”

“Levi, you’re literally bleeding from your head.” They snark back.

“I’m fine, just go.” Levi turns and walks back to the benches where your and Hange’s things sat currently. You look over to Hange with bewilderment but they just give you a cheeky grin.

“Stay with him, we’ll be right back.” They shout as they continue to pull Erwin away in what you guess is the direction of the medical tent. You click your tongue, a habit you accidentally picked up from Levi, and spin back around. Levi’s trying to dab at his wound with the bottom of his black costume shirt, his lower abdomen peeking through and you force your eyes back up to his face as you make your way towards him. You grunt to get his attention, cocking your head to the side when he looks up.

“What?”

Sliding your phone back out of your purse, you type quickly, ‘You’re not doing a very good job at that.’

“Tch, I can’t exactly see what I’m doing.” He looks away as he lets go of his shirt. You pull yourself up the stairs to where he sat and straddle the bench so you’re facing him. Grabbing a couple of napkins from Hange’s bag and a water bottle you had purchased at the start of the activity, you then wet them carefully so as not to spill too much. Levi’s staring hard at you.

“What are you doing?” He asks in apprehension.

You only stare back at him, softening your gaze as you lift your hand up slowly to his face. He doesn’t flinch back, which you take as a good sign of him trusting you. You use your other hand to pull his hair back a little and start dabbing at the cut carefully with the wet napkin. The gash isn’t bleeding anymore, thankfully. Most of it had already started coagulating. The spot had also started to swell with heat and when you press back down on it gently, you feel him wince with a hiss. You then rub at the dried blood that had trickled down his face. When you do so, your eyes flicker over to him and he’s staring at you in such a way that makes you falter. He looks away quickly after you both lock eyes for a second. It was only for a moment, but it was such an intense look. You’re suddenly aware of how close you are to him, so you sit up straight and scoot back.

‘Be right back. I’m going to get ice for your welt.’ You type as you pick yourself up from the bench. He clears his throat and sits back as well, nodding in acknowledgment. Tossing the blood stained napkins into a trashcan on your way out, you pick up your pace as you feel your face warm up. He was so close to you; you could smell his signature fresh laundry and body wash. And it was almost as if his stormy gray eyes were a magnet, drawing you into them. You shake your head at the thought as if to clear them out of your mind.

When you finally find a stall that would give you a cup of ice without charging, you make your way back to where you left Levi. It takes you a minute, but you finally spot him pacing back and forth frantically. When he sees you, he stops in his tracks then sprints over to you. His black mask is all forgotten and you’re able to see his full features; His face is full of fear, eyebrows knit and eyes wide.

“I- we need-” Levi breathes out. Even his voice is wavering with panic. You set the cup down and type faster than you ever have before.

‘Levi, breathe. What happened?’

“I need to get out of here, but I don’t know where Erwin and Hange went. Erwin is my ride. But I need to go.”

‘Go where? What happened?’ You grab onto one of his hands in hopes to ground him. His eyes are darting around wildly. When you squeeze his hand hard to get his attention, they finally land on your face and you take a deep breath, hoping he would follow. He attempts to but it’s fairly shallow.

“Sh-she’s back at the hospital. Something happened and she’s there and I…” Is all he manages to get out. His eyes are frantically looking around for the others. She? You grab all of your belongings as well as the things left behind from Erwin and Hange and tuck everything under one arm. With the other, you pull out your car keys and reach for Levi’s hand. He jolts back, staring at you with alarm. You reach for it again and clasp it with keys tucked in between both of your palms, then you start running for the entrance of where you all came from.

With the evening drawing near, there were not nearly as many people here as there was before, but it was still enough to be a nuisance to run through. You gripped onto Levi’s hand so tightly, afraid of losing him in the crowd. You don’t notice but at one point, he starts to hold on with both of his hands for dear life. When you finally break out, you dash down the aisle where your car was. There was no time to let Hange know where you two were going, you would have to do that when you got to where you were heading. Just as there was no time to ask Levi what the hell you two were doing, you would get answers later. All you knew was that he was panicking, and you had the power to help him.

When you eventually find the car, you toss in the things under your arms into the back seat then throw yourself into the driver’s side. Levi does the same on the passenger side and you don’t hesitate to back out before checking to see if he was buckled in. In mere moments, you’re zooming down to the only hospital in town.

.

The car ride was filled with Levi’s panicked heavy breathing as you did your best to weave around the end of day rush hour. Every once and a while, you would hear Levi cursing at a red light or a stop sign, his hands gripping the dashboard so tight that his knuckles turned white. One of his knees was shaking up and down so fast you’re surprised the car doesn’t bounce with it. Without thinking, you reach over with one of your hands and place it on top of his knee gently. It stops. You spare a glance at him and he’s staring straight ahead, but he makes no move to throw your hand off him. You both stay like this for the rest of the ride.

After what feels like an eternity, you drop Levi off at the front so you can find a place to park. It takes a couple minutes but you’re able to find a spot near the back, though you don’t get out of the car right away. Instead, you take this time to send Hange a quick text about your situation as well as collect yourself. Levi’s panic is not something you’ll soon forget. It hurt you to see him so distraught. Multiple heavy breathing exercises later, you unbuckle yourself and head out into the now cool evening, the Emergency entrance in your sights.

You deal with communication issues at the front desk but finally you’re able to find where Levi headed off too. It was the waiting room of the surgery wing and you felt your heart sink to your stomach. What happened? When you make it through the doors, you find Levi pacing back and forth with his hands tightly knitted in his hair. He looks up to you with hollow eyes but says nothing. He maintains his pacing so you decide to sit in a chair near him, watching him as he does. This continues for a bit until a woman in gray scrubs comes out of the surgery ward, a clipboard in hand and a neutral expression across her face.

“Ackerman?” She calls out. Levi stops dead and he’s quick to bound over to her with you right behind.

“What’s going on?” His voice is gravelly and dripping with anxiety. She eyeballs the two of you and only then do you remember that you both pulled up in matching costumes, now sticking out like a sore thumb in comparison to the white, sterile walls. You wrap your arms around you self-consciously and shoot her a weak grin.

“She’s in stable condition right now. But I’m afraid your mother suffered an extreme heart attack earlier this evening. We had to perform an immediate PCI. The blockage was found and taken care of in time, fortunately.” The nurse states calmly. Mother?

“How did this happen?” His words come through gritted teeth.

“I was not told of the specifics, I’m sorry.”

“Can I see her?”

“You may but she won’t be awake for a while. She just got out of surgery.” She murmurs as she takes a close look at her clipboard.

“I don’t care, I need to see her.”

She looks up from the board to take a look at Levi’s face closely, her eyes trailing up to the cut on his eyebrow before asking, “Would you like us to take a look at that wound while you’re here?”

“No. Can we go now?” Levi clips impatiently.

“Very well. Come with me.” And she starts off to the double doors behind her, pulling her badge out to unlock them. Then she sees you following Levi’s steps and stops to speak to you. “I’m sorry, are you family as well?” You don’t see it, but Levi’s eyes narrow at the nurse.

“She’s with me.” Is all he says but his choice of words makes your stomach flutter. With me. The nurse just sighs and taps her badge to the scanner causing the doors to open with a beep. You’re led down a maze of halls until you get to a room with a big glass window. As you pass it, you’re hit with a fleeting feeling of familiarity at the face that belonged to the woman in the bed. After following Levi into the room, the nurse then closes the door behind you with a click.

The room is silent all besides the beeping of the monitors next to the bed. Levi is already at the woman’s, his mom’s, side. He’s holding her hand and his expression has already gone from dread to worried relief. Your eyes trail over to the woman’s features, and you gasp audibly because this face was indeed familiar. But your mind feels like it’s hitting a wall because you can’t recall exactly why she was so familiar and it frustrates you. Taking a couple steps forward, you eye the beautiful face trying to rack your brain still. Nothing. Levi’s staring at you like he wants to say something but thinks better of it and shifts his gaze back to his mom. Not this again.

You pull your phone out of your purse and type a quick message to him. A notification ping goes off, but he makes no effort to check it. You wave at him to get his attention and when he looks over, you point to your phone and then towards him.

‘I’m glad to know your mom is okay. Are you?’

“I’m fine.” Short and to the point, as always.

‘You looked like you wanted to say something a minute ago. What?’

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

‘Don’t shut me out. What is it?’

“I’m not shutting you out.” His voice straining.

‘You are. What’s going on with you?’

“There’s nothing going on. Leave it alone.”

‘No. Ever since the party, you’ve been distant with me, and I deserve to know why. What happened that night? Did I do something wrong?’ You stare hard at Levi, but he continues to stare down at the screen. His grip on the phone is tight.

“This is not the time for this right now.” He mumbles coarsely. You huff loudly and slap your hands down to your thighs. His gaze finally cuts over to you, his eyes dark and tired more than usual. Both of you lock eyes for a moment, and you can tell he’s thinking of something else to say to you but then the room is filled with the noises of your stomach growling violently. Your cheeks are quick to flare up and you’re the first to break away from the staring contest.

“Hungry?” Levi quips in a dry tone. You’re quick to frown at him. But you are, you’re severely hungry. In the hour that you were supposed to feed yourself, you ended up window shopping the whole time. Even when you stopped to grab Levi that tea, you didn’t buy yourself food. You were just too engrossed with your surroundings.

“Just go get some food, you’re not useful here.” He’s right, but you can’t keep the hurt look from flashing across your face at his words.

‘Neither are you. Besides, I don’t want to leave you.’ Only after you hit send are you aware of what you just said and you quickly type out, ‘Since I’m your ride, and all.’ Nailed it.

“I can call Erwin.” He could, but you wanted answers and you had him cornered for once.

‘Just come get dinner with me. I’ll take you right back here after. The nurse said she’d be out for a while anyways and that she’s stable. You know they’ll call you if anything happens.’ You glance back over to his mom to study her face again. She was just as beautiful as his son, her features just the same as his. Her familiarity still itched at you.  When you don’t hear a response, you look over to Levi and see that he’s eying you with thought. You offer a small smile, and he rolls his eyes.

“Fine. But here right after.” You swear you hear his stomach rumbling as well.

.

After a brief drive, you both find yourselves sitting in red booths at a diner down the street. The smell of greasy food permeates your senses and you’re drooling already. The multitude of options were too overwhelming, so you went with a simple burger and fries. Levi orders the same without even looking at His menu. His mind was clearly far away at the moment.

‘Spill.’ You shoot at him.

“Really, right here?” He clicks his tongue and looks out to watch the cars passing on the street.

‘Yes, really. Why are you being so distant with me? What did I do?’

“You didn’t do anything.”

‘You could have fooled me.’ You use your straw to stir at your soda mindlessly.

“Tch, it’s nothing you did, okay? I mean it.” He mutters as he takes a sip of his water, eyes still focused on the street.

‘Okay, then what is it?’

There’s a pause.

“How much of your childhood do you remember prior to the fire?” Out of all the things you thought he would say next, this is not one of them. It was so out of left field; it takes him staring you straight in the eyes to be able to respond. You blink down at your phone.

‘Not much. Just warm feelings, an older brother and two parents. Why?’ You can’t help but frown.

“There’s no way to say thi-“ He’s cut off by the waitress coming over to set down your plates of food with a wide grin. You don’t miss the way she looks at Levi. There were practically hearts in her eyes.

“Anything else I can get y’all?” She asks, looking between the two of you.

“No.” Levi remarks dismissively, not even bothering to look up at her.

“Oh, well. Holler if you need me!” She chirps then walks away leaving the two of you to stare at each other. You nervously pick at your fries as you send Levi another text.

‘You were saying?’  

“We used to be neighbors when we were kids.” The fry you held in your fingers drops back to the plate as you process what he just said. Neighbors? No, you’re certain you’ve never seen him before. You look up at him and shake your head.

“We were. I used to come over and play with your brother every day. My mother adored you.” Levi mumbles as he pokes at his burger with a fork. You suddenly feel dizzy as you feel that wall from earlier start cracking. Is this why…? A memory of warm cookies and long raven hair zooms through your mind.

“I’m sure all the trauma you’ve endured for years erased many of your memories. I know for certain you don’t remember me, but I guess that would make sense. I’m not the gangly kid you once knew.” He chuckles darkly. You’re still having a hard time processing what he just said but you definitely can’t recall many memories prior to the time you were with the Zoë’s. You continue to blink hard at him, your dinner all but forgotten. After a moment, your fingers start typing again.

‘I’m sorry I don’t remember you.’

“Tch, that’s your takeaway here?” He rolls his eyes and drums his fingers on the hard table impatiently. He was still holding back.

‘Just say it, Levi.’

“I just didn’t know you were alive, is all.” Alive? Did he think… how did he…?

‘How did you find this all out?’

“The pictures on your desk. I did some searching when I got home that night and found the articles about your family. Mom and I heard about the fire about a year or two after it happened from a stranger in passing.” He leans back in his seat, eyes now falling on your pallid face. “You know, we moved when I was around nine, so it was strange to hear about something so far away. We assumed the whole family died, no one knew about a survivor. So that’s why I didn’t think anything of it. Also, because, well, you look different now compared to when you were six.” He averts his gaze and takes a drink of his water as he thinks. You’re glad for the pause because this was enough to make your head go reeling. You sit forward and shove your head in your hands to keep yourself from falling over in the seat.  

A couple minutes pass before you’re able to form coherent words, ‘Is that why you’ve been so distant? Because you remembered we had a past together?’ You look up at him through eyelashes, his gaze soft on you. He shifts in his seat uncomfortably. There’s more.

“No.” His hands that sat on top of the table are clenched in fists so tight that you wouldn’t be surprised if his nails drew blood from his palms. You reach over with shaking hands to hold on to one of his to get his attention. With pleading eyes, you stare up at him. He doesn’t shake off your touch, in fact he clasps his fingers over yours and holds on tightly. They were soft and warm and very much needed.

“My dad was a drunk, a very mean, abusive drunk. My mother worked hard to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table while he stayed home and drank the day away. I always had to clean up after him since he wouldn’t do it himself, leaving half-drunk liquor bottles and lit cigarettes all over the place. And my poor mom, she was already so tired when she came home that I couldn’t bear to see her do more work.” He grips your hand tighter as he looks away.

“One day, my mom came home while I was gone. I didn’t clean that day because I was out so late. So he starts yelling at her, screaming that she was lazy and never picked up around the house. When I came home, I see this fucker slapping my mother in the face so hard that she fell backwards, and I snapped. I threatened him with a knife and everything, telling him if he touched me or my mom ever again I would kill him. The bastard laughed in my face. My mom was afraid I would follow through with that threat so that’s why she made us move. God, you were so sad that day.” He takes a deep breath and fixes his gaze back to you. His expression is pained and so full of guilt.

“I’m the reason your family is dead.” Levi’s voice is so soft, it was almost a whisper. You knew that to be a lie considering everything he told you. He moved away before the fire even happened, so that’s not possible. You scan his face, your eyes searching for anything other than remorse and guilt but that’s all there was. You shake your head at him furiously. It’s a lie, you know that.

“I am. I don’t know how it happened, but the dirty bastard died in the house fire of his own doing. But then it caught onto yours and… I just,” He swallows hard. “I can’t help but think that if I never threatened him then my mother and I would have stayed. And I could have been there to clean up after him. I could have stopped the fire from ever happening. I could have kept your family safe, and you would still be with them.” There’s a very physical pain in your gut as you slowly understand why he was so distant with you, why he was shutting you out. Levi blamed himself for everything. The speed at which you snatch your phone and type away would have been impressive, had you cared at that moment.

‘Not your fault.’

“Yes, it is.”

‘You did not start the fire. He did. Nothing you could have done.’ You reach over even more to look straight into his stormy gray eyes.

“You don’t understand, I could have stopped it.” Levi repeats.

‘Levi, listen to me. There’s nothing in the world that you could have done to stop it. I know more than most how much I wish it didn’t happen but it did. And knowing that even despite my unfortunate circumstances, you were able to get out of such a shitty situation. And that makes me happy. No one deserves someone like that in their life. Especially not you. I’ve made peace with this. You should too.’ You squeeze his hand tightly and stare up at him with what you hoped looked like a reassuring smile. He doesn’t say anything from behind his phone screen.

‘I don’t blame you for anything and that has to count for something.’ He glances up at you again. It’s like the life had deflated from his body and he looked so small. A part of you wished you could hold him and tell him he was okay.

“Thank you.” His voice is hoarse, causing him to clear his throat. “I should have said something sooner, but I was afraid.”

‘Afraid of what?’

“That you would get mad at me or stop talking to me.” He mumbles. You’re not sure if it was the dark talk or the suffocating tension but you laugh, really hard. It feels foreign to you since you do your best not to laugh out loud usually but you don’t care, his simplicity was so funny to you. He furrows his brows at you and starts to pull his hand away but you grab onto it and don’t let it go.

‘I would never. There’s nothing to be mad about.’ Levi’s shoulder’s slump and you can tell a lot of the stress he held in his tiny frame had finally dissipated.

“That’s not funny.” He complains, but a small smirk twitches at the corners of his scarred lips.

‘Thank you for telling me. Really.’ You squeeze his hand once more before letting go of it, the warmth of his skin lingering on your fingertips. A moment of silence ensues, and you take this moment to take a bite of your surprisingly still warm burger. It was delicious and you’re reminded again of how hungry you really were. Levi hesitates but does the same. It’s like this for a while. Comfortable, yet again.

There was no room in your heart to be mad at Levi, especially for something he was not responsible for in any capacity. You were not lying; you really had made peace with it all years ago. If anything, it was reassuring having answers of what had happened that night. And you were grateful for Levi, even if he didn’t believe it. Something else stirs in your chest but you swat it away.

A couple bites later and you can’t help but ask the most important question yet, ‘What was I like back then?’ His scoff and eye roll intrigues you right away.

“You were such a troublemaker. A little shit, if I might say.” You choke on your soda and stare at him with a dumbfounded expression. “It’s true. You got your brother in trouble a lot. Always having to chase after you. There were a lot of times I had to carry you home kicking and screaming because you didn’t get your way.” He exhales in what almost sounded like content. Something flashes in your mind.

‘Was there a frog?’

“Good god, out of all the things you remember, it’s that incident?” He bites into a fry but there’s a smile behind it. It’s not big or anything but it’s enough to warm you from the inside.

‘Well now you HAVE to tell me.’

“There was a pond down the street that you loved to play in. It had started storming and your brother couldn't coerce you into coming home so I picked you up and flung you over my shoulder while you kicked and screamed. All because you wanted to take a frog home to be your new pet.” A visual of pouring rain and staring down at the wet pavement crosses your mind. You can’t help but smile at the memory.

‘Mr. Froggy.’ You giggle at the memory.

“Yes, I believe that’s what you called him.” Levi wipes his mouth and sits forward to look at you, his mouth open to say something else but he closes it just as fast. You tap your finger on the table and shake your head at him, as if to say tell me.

“Okay, okay. I saw something at the fair that I thought you might like.” You sit up quickly and gawk at him. You then point to yourself to make sure that he meant you. He pulls the small brown bag you saw earlier out of a pocket you didn’t even know existed. Clapping your hands together, you smile brightly at him. He places it in front of you. You waste no time tearing into the bag.

Inside is a thin and dainty gold chain necklace with a small pendant hanging off it. It’s a pink, crystal cherry blossom surrounded by the same gold metal. It was simple and elegant and perfect. You stare up at Levi with wide eyes and he has the brightest pink flush dusting his cheeks. He’s not looking at you. Without even thinking about it, you quickly stand and move to slide into his booth with your back to him, holding the necklace up behind you. You don’t see it, but he is flustered to no end. Though, he understands because he takes it from you and carefully reaches around your neck to clip it on. It sits perfectly and you can't help but turn to him with a wide smile. He's a lot closer than you thought he would be. Silver eyes stare into yours and your smile falters.

“Will this be one check or two?” A chipper voice rings out, making you both jump away quickly. Your face is matching the same flush on Levi’s.

“One, please.” Levi says after clearing his throat. You look back at him with your most offended expression. He just clicks his tongue and pulls out his card from his wallet to hand to the waitress. She runs off to charge it but not before making a face at the proximity of the two of you.

“It’s easier this way.” He mutters quickly. You jump back over to your side, still feeling the heat of your face radiating.

‘Thank you so much, Levi. I love it. How did you know I liked sakuras?’ You cock an eyebrow at him while you fiddled with the small pendant in between two fingers.

“Your bedroom door. It’s a fitting flower for you.” He’s fidgeting with his long sleeves.

‘Something else bothering you?’

“Not really. It’s just, the necklace reminded me of something that’s happening next month and since you love cherry blossoms so much I thought maybe you’d be interested.” He flicks his eyes over to yours quickly before looking down at his phone for your response.

‘Well, what is it?’ It feels like your heart is about to burst out of your chest. Is he asking you what you think he’s asking…?

“It’s a cherry blossom festival. You know, carnival rides, food stalls, rubber duck racing. Would you… like to go w-with me?” He pulls at his collar nervously. You pinch your lips together in hopes it would keep the gigantic grin from forming. You start typing a response but then he quickly cuts in with, “Hange and Erwin are invited of course.” Oh.

‘Yeah, that sounds like fun. Let’s do it.’ You offer him a small smile instead, afraid your disappointment would show.

“Well. Great, that sounds… great.” He sighs.

Yeah, great.

You spend the rest of the evening recalling the last couple of hours in your head over and over again. Hange and Erwin ended up meeting you both back at the hospital and after a quick overview of what happened, both parties went their separate ways with Erwin and Levi staying at the hospital for a little longer. He said he would update you on news of his mom’s status when he got any. It was a very awkward goodbye, to say the least. Thankfully Hange had not asked any questions of what had transpired but you notice their not-so-subtle glances at the new accessory adorning your neck. You had spent a couple hours of tossing and turning in your bed as you replayed every word that was said tonight until finally you were lulled asleep into the late hours.

☆AN ➼ This chapter was so long that I won't be surprised if I missed anything lol. Anyways, I hope y'all liked it despite it being so long (my b) and I appreciate you taking the time to read my delusions. ALSO We're getting closer to the end. I'm aiming to end it on June but we'll see how it goes. The next chapter is going to be all fluff and I am SO excited. Have a great day/night and as always, please like and reblog so I know I'm doing something right. Love y'all k bye. ☆

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