#i honestly think this was mostly a what the actors were comfortable with sort of thing

[alwayysblue]

I don't think I've seen someone point out/talk about this particular moment yet...

In the mirror scene, right as Pen's perfect breasts are shown, Colin is totally looking down in the mirror and boy does he look hungry for her. Like good Lord.

It's a difficult to gif moment since ya know, nudity and all, but my goodness his face during that moment.

Absolute perfection.

[arliedraws]

In the books, Sirius's devotion to Harry is of course very deep, but it never translates to something physical. He only shakes Harry's end when he leaves his bedside in book 4, and in book 5 there is something resembling a hug, like twice...? As a dog he stood up his hind legs and front paws on harry's shoulders and a half hug after Christmas. Idk it sort of drives me crazy, because in the movies Harry and Sirius are so affectionate! That first hug when Harry arrives in Grimmauld!! Gary and Dan had an amazing chemistry that other actors were jealous of, they mirrored the book characters, so it palpable on screen, the few scenes Gary is in at all at least.

So, what do you make of this? Do you in musing for art imagine a more affectionate relationship between Harry and Sirius? Maybe if Sirius survived the war? Molly's hug in book 4 was a poignant moment but imo that should have been a moment between Sirius and Harry. Sirius already says he expected something catastrophic to happen to Harry in the third task, that's what he stutters when Harry comes in with Dumblebore. So he is literally afraid of his godsons life and it still shows of course, Sirius staying at Harry's side was very beautifully written, like the devotion is clear, but I am foaming at the mouth for more affection between them in canon? Platonic, not shipping. So between the movies and the books Im just kinda torn what's better

It's more a rant than an ask, sorry lol, but if you have any input I'd he so stoked to read it. Not many peeps in the fandom even give Sirius and Harry any time of day, nvrmind even understand what they had (which also drives me kinda nuts but ok)

Ohhhh, anon, you’ve come to the right spot! Mostly because I love them. I would say that 80% of my fandom interest is just Sirius being a dad to Harry.

To your question, I don’t think one is better than the other. Each has their purpose. Let me share my thoughts:

1. I am soft for movie Sirius and Harry’s affectionate touching. However. The dynamics of their relationship were NOT mirrored from the books, which…is fine. Honestly, I just don’t think it was a priority for the filmmakers. This particular bit doesn’t bother me because the movies are not supposed to replace the source material—they are an interpretation. To me, watching the movies is like reading fic—fun to watch but not canon. Also, the filmmakers removed so much of their relationship in GoF that they HAD to make Sirius and Harry physically affectionate in order for movie audiences to see what losing Sirius would mean to Harry. Their complexity is completely unexplored in the films, and they had to do SOMETHING to get the audience to feel sad when Sirius died. This started in PoA when they really downplayed the context of their relationship. (Lol, see my rant on PoA. I really don’t like that movie hahahahaha.)

2. In the books, Harry and Sirius are not physically affectionate with each other despite their intense love for each other, and I think this is an effective way to show characterization. As I tell my students, this might have been intentional by the author, but it could have been an instinct that she followed (what feels right for the characters).

Here’s what I think: both are so terrified of losing the other that they won’t allow themselves to get too close, and, crucially, they both fear showing vulnerability. Touching someone and reaching out for a hug or comfort is an extremely vulnerable thing to do. If you reach out for a hug, you are showing your true feelings. To be rejected physically is sometimes more devastating than someone telling you to just “go away.” It’s a sign of trust to touch someone—you are trusting that they feel the same way about you, and you are trusting that they won’t pull away. Both Sirius and Harry understand rejection, and both avoid it. How do you avoid rejection? You distance yourself.

I’ll put the rest under a cut because I think this might get long…

Sirius and Harry, for all that they love each other, fall out of trusting each other by OotP. Part of this is trauma, but it is also miscommunication. Harry is worried that Sirius will do something stupid—either out of concern for Harry or because he wants to get out of number 12–but he’s worried he’ll lose Sirius. So by withholding affection (which I’m not sure if he knows how to give physically), Harry distances himself from Sirius which will, theoretically, keep Sirius safe (of course, it backfires). Sirius is…you know…going through stuff in OotP. He is already vulnerable—he perceives himself as being emasculated because he’s not allowed to leave his childhood home and he’s relegated to performing ‘uninteresting, domestic work’, and he must be inactive when he’s a man OF action.

When it comes to Goblet of Fire and the odd handshake… I think Sirius is reeeeeally holding back. Harry does NOT want him to go, and Sirius knows this. (Why DOES Dumbledore send him away? Literally anyone else could have “alerted the old crowd” and NOT the convicted murderer. This is clearly the author’s excuse to get Sirius away from Harry—and, I’ve spoken to this before, Sirius is too much of a miracle character—too smart, too loyal, too loving to support the story that the author wanted to tell.) Sirius, if he had stayed, would have been the emotional support that Harry needed. So if Sirius holds Harry, what if Harry doesn’t let go? What if Sirius himself can’t let go? A handshake will have to do.

So Sirius leaves Harry with that bizarre handshake. That Sirius leaves at all damages their relationship—it could have been repaired with time (if they’d been allowed time), but this moment makes Harry realize that he cannot rely on anyone, not even Sirius. This leaves Harry to be isolated in OotP, and it leaves him to feel like he cannot trust anyone. I’m not blaming Sirius for leaving, but I believe this action causes a rift between them that carries into the next book.

My point is, I HATE that they don’t touch but it is very important that they don’t, at least when it comes to the story that the author wanted to tell. I think it was the right move when we look at the story as a whole. Do I like it? NO! But it’s interesting, and it DOES feel right for them. Is it devastating? Yes!!!!!!!

TL;DR: I don’t think either interpretation is necessarily better than the other, but they both have their purpose. Both are effective!

Touch is…huge in HP. Consider Voldemort’s “I can touch him now” and causing Harry pain. Touch is a privilege, and to be touched without permission is a violation. Harry kills someone by touching them. He is only touched by his family when Dudley beats him up or he gets shoved in his cupboard.

Weirdly, one of my absolutely favorite moments when Sirius and Harry touch is in PoA when the Dementors are closing in on Sirius, Harry, and Hermione, and Harry, as he’s about to faint, reaches out to grab an unconscious Sirius by the arm, thinking something along the lines of “the dementors weren’t going to take him” and such. And this is about two seconds after Harry has accepted that Sirius is telling the truth! Harry physically tethers Sirius to him—this touch-starved teen reaches out to this man who is now everything to him, who is now his only real family, willing to risk death (or worse) to keep it. BUT THEY JUST MET!!!!! Devastating!!!

Also…another thought: the first time Sirius and Harry touch is the first time Sirius has been touched as a human in twelve years. And Harry is beating the absolute shit out of him…and then Sirius nearly strangles him…

Also, also, not to like…self-promote, but if you want some Sirius & Harry family feelings and a wee bit of affectionate touching, I wrote a one-shot where they talk about their feelings in OotP.

Anyway, this got longer than I thought. Thank you for the prompt!!

[venusjeon]

hi guys! not back yet but i feel i should comment on this given the type of stories i write and the fact i'm white.

i see fanfiction in a different light, personally. instead of using the boys' real personalities for my characters, i use them as actors—if the story demands them to be evil or dicks, i don't see anything wrong in making them be so because it's not how i'm claiming they are irl, but how the characters i've created and i'm "fancasting" them as are like. i honestly thought that's what everyone did. otherwise fuckboy fics wouldn't exist when the boys are sweethearts irl, and i don't think of them as fiction, but fanfiction. of course that is not to say my preference is the only acceptable one!! just that it's that, a matter of preferences.

now, because i mostly write historical fics set in europe, where i'm from, i make my characters be from there. a suspension of disbelief comes without saying here. you're supposed to imagine that both you and x member were born and raised in 15th century florence, 19th century london, or bronze age greece. i'm not from either of these places and european culture isn't universal, so i have to do a bit of imagining too just as i will when i set historical fics in south korea, my ocs looking like me in my mind and me being pale white. i've even had members be ocs' biological siblings, so that's even crazier. see it as fantasy if it makes it easier. but it would never cross my mind to portray the guys as white or any ethnicity/race other than korean! i occasionally write them naturally blond but i genuinely thought there was nothing wrong with that, like when other fic writers ask readers to imagine "agust d yoongi" or "wings era hoseok" etc, as the appearance of their characters.

in my fics, i expect you to take for granted that people of different races aren't "out of place" despite the time period and place, and that no one inside the story questions why there's an asian knight in medieval spain. you're more than allowed to consider all other characters as asian or black or whatever, sort of like in bridgerton or the witcher.

the reason i come up with more material for europe is not because i'm not interested in the boys' culture (i absolutely love it), it's because i'm more familiar with its history and the research is more accessible to me (checking primary sources without speaking korean makes that difficult). i couldn't set hysteria or angel in the marble in joseon as i would then be morphing korean culture to be more similar to mine and comfortable to me, and that i do find wrong.

these are my thoughts on the matter, by which i don't mean to invalidate anyone, just explain where my intentions come from. they're good, obviously, but i know that's not enough and it doesn't exempt me from partaking in racism. i will be more conscious from now on. if you see anything wrong with my fics regarding this issue, i welcome the criticism to learn from my mistakes (but please assume i made them unawares).

[v-anrouge]

I have come to draw parallels between Vil and Riddle! Cause I try to keep my main blog as mainly reblogs

Riddle and Vil both grew up in strict homes, while Riddle’s was more abusive in the strictness, we can’t forget how many celebrities children are forced by the public to jump through hoops just for who their parents are. Neither had many friends (someone pointed out Vil told the story of Jack taking him to see the northern lights, so Jack is a sort of friend at the very least!) but neither seemed to get close to others very easily. They mostly talked about their parents when they discuss their childhood, meaning both were very isolated, for different reasons yes, but still isolated.

They are both viewed as pillars by so many, they force themselves, they have both been forced to grow up so fast, to become leaders of their peers because what else are they supposed to do? Riddle’s parents are both well known doctors, while Vil’s father is a well known actor.

Neither can show much weakness, as they are pillars, but they also just don’t allow themselves to. Mainly because of judgment, from paparazzi and parents (though I think Vil’s father did his best, being a celebrity means very little time to one’s self, much less time for their family) the only weakness we truly saw in them was during and after their overblots.

Neither are selfish though! Strict, and sometimes ruthless but never selfish! Both are known to coach and teach their dorm members, Riddle keeps tabs on ALL of their grades! And Heartslaybul is said to be the largest dorm! Vil makes personalized skin care routines and diets for all of his dorm members! They both push their dorm members to be the best they can be, and while they may be a bit over the top in some cases, they truly care.

Both put MAJOR emphasis on outward appearances, most likely because of having been judged their entire lives, one stray hair can cause the house of cards to cascade down upon them. They want everyone to feel proud of how they look, Riddle putting emphasis to show pride in one’s dorm through the uniform, and Vil to show pride in oneself through EVERYTHING!

Both had basically single parent households. Nothing against single parents! Vil’s father I KNOW pushed himself so hard to provide for his son, working long hours, and helping Vil learn of proper healthcare at a young age! Riddle’s family dynamic is a bit more complicated as his mother kept him isolated from his own father is seems, though she was also trying to provide what she thought was best. (Honestly, I blame Riddle’s father for most of his issues because he never stepped up against his wife for the treatment of their son. Like, take your family to therapy dude! Can’t you see what is happening!?!)

Both are also SO proud! Head held high, just having that aura of authority. They know they are good at what they do, but going back to the weakness point, neither are comfortable with what they ARENT good at. Most people can say they suck at certain things; math, art, ect, while Riddle and Vil can’t bring themselves to admit that, if they suck at something they push themselves until they’ve mastered it (much like Azul)

I could keep going if I tried, but my cat is demanding play time…

GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOUR BRAIN IS JUST SK FUCKIMG BIG I WANT TO MAKE PIT WITH IT

[pennzance]

"I think we need a new book."

"This is your pitch, Gabriel? A new book?"

"Look, for the last few centuries we've had just this one book, right? I mean, it's a lot of little books sort of organized into a compendium of examples of what the message generally sort of used to be, all the way back when humans who could read words let alone wrote them were generally considered rare among the populace, but mostly its the ONE book, right?"

"And what is your problem with that?"

"Michael, have you ever read a book?"

"I'm comfortable with papyrus scrolls, honestly."

"Are you familiar with the phrase 'print is dead'?"

"I don't like where this is going."

"Come on, we HAVE to update our message! We're so out of touch with the world as it is, and it's causing some serious problems down there."

"I'm not... look, I see what you're saying, but this is really something you need to speak with the Metatron about. He's the voice and all."

"I'll get to that, but I need you and the others in my corner on this. If all the Seraphim present a united front, he won't be able to just blow me off."

"About a book?"

"Well... I mean, the new book yes, but also... the other... stuff."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just that the marketing department-"

"We don't HAVE a marketing department."

"I got some contractors, look-"

"From WHERE?"

"The mortal plane, it's no big deal, but they said we need to really expand to as many markets as we can-"

"Whoa, no, hold on, slow down-"

"Just let me finish-"

"This is a BAD IDEA, Gabriel!"

"At least let me tell you about the audiobook! We can get actors to play all the parts! I was going to get you Morgan Freeman, Michael!"

"Gabriel, this is- Morgan Freeman?"

"Uh huh."

"As me?"

"Yep."

"I... uh... well, I mean it's worth exploring, I guess?"

[ghostchasersmagazine]

I do wish Alex Super and his band were used more, they had some really unique designs, and a lot of character potential [especially Ray, he barely had anything to do] and it's a shame that Scooby Doo Frankencreepy just reduced them to a brief mention of the band breaking up. Which I personally don't like, as even though Lila betrayed the group, I feel like they would've been close enough that they could pull through and move on, maybe even find a new back-up singer. Back to Alex and Butch meeting, how would Butch and The Sundance Kids react to learning about how Lila and Roger betrayed Alex and his band?

I would have liked to see them pop up more often, yeah (though I think all of the Scooby gang's friend characters should be allowed to make appearances again in general.) Their designs have that sort of "time capsule" vibe I like, and I feel like could be referenced whenever the Scooby gang runs into a vaguely music-related mystery.

I personally feel like it was Deke who got the shortest end of the stick in terms of getting to participate in the episode proper. I don't think he got any lines until the very end of the episode and didn't even get to be in the group shot when Mamba Wamba first appeared. He nor Ray didn't really do much throughout the episode to be fair, but I always felt that Ray was used a smidge bit more.

I've never watched Frankencreepy since everything I've heard about it sounds pretty bad, but I don't like that ending for the group either. Partially because the ending of the episode itself goes against that idea - Alex was talking about merchandising the dolls at the end and showed clear signs of keeping the band going - but the other part is like you said, I do think Alex, Deke, and Ray would be close enough to want to keep going.

Admittedly, the concept of the events of the episode being so traumatic that the group decided to never play again could be an interesting path to take if it was written in a serious manner that genuinely looked at their emotions (and could even go further and look at the impact the music industry has on its young stars more generally, pulling Lila and how she was convinced by Roger to betray the band into the mix), but frankly I don't think that's what Frankencreepy was going for.

Getting back to the topic at hand, I think Butch's reaction to specifically Roger's betrayal is interesting to consider. It's shown throughout the show that Butch does have a strong respect for authority and, despite his independent nature, has no issue following orders, so I would guess that the idea of Roger, the one who had the power and essentially a guiding role, betraying the band would impact him more than the idea of Lila doing it.

As for the other Sundance Kids, I honestly haven't really thought about their reactions to the whole situation too much. The main reason they're even tagging along with Butch when he goes to meet Alex is as moral support of sorts, so they have to deal with both the awkwardness of meeting new people and figuring out how to try and comfort Butch who likely isn't going to be very open about it.

Really, the only thing I've really thought about in terms of the two bands interacting is that I think Wally would get along with the other group pretty well. Partly because he's an overall pleasant guy, but mostly because he's the one with the most genuine interest in music among the Sundance Kids, so I think he would enjoy hanging out with Alex + Deke + Ray and having people to share his interests with. (Plus, ya know, jokes about him and Alex having the same voice actor and him and Deke having similar designs.)

[just-the-cool-page]

Pen15

pen15 - Any introductory description will be... awkward and insufficient. It is awkward, the show, I mean. Watching it is awkward. Telling someone that you've watched it is awkward. Trying to explain why the show is worthwhile, despite the unavoidable and completely appropriate misgivings... awkward. It must be awkward no matter what age or gender you are. Every article seems to use the show's conceit as a way to avoid talking about the problems of carrying through with that conceit. I don't even know if I want to get into it, now that I've decided to talk about this show, but the two main (13 year old) characters are played by its creators, actors who are in their early 30s. Their friends are played by young teenagers, mostly from about 13-17. The difficult part is that their love interests are mostly teenagers as well. Kissing scenes are few, but significant. Viewers have probably had mixed feelings, discomfort, and worry over these scenes. Are... those women kissing... adolescents? As if they're both adolescents? Then in comes the research. The kissing scenes all used adult doubles, or the love interest was over 18. Ok, we still don't feel totally cool. And the "love scene" in the final episode? OK, adult actors. Who are very convincingly playing a thirteen year old girl and a fifteen (or sixteen?) year old boy. The sketchy age play does add to the overall, relentless feelings of "Oh no, this isn't okay."

Technically, nothing illegal happened on set, of course. Within the story, are there any crimes committed? Egging someone's house (not exactly, but you'll see. Please do see that part) might be the only crime. There are no assaults. But so much of it does feel wrong. And I can't say that feeling could have been accomplished any other way. Sure, we know, our at least say, that good art will make us uncomfortable. Great art will also comfort us. "But that's not- - what's going on with the audience isn't really the same thing as what's going on with the characters. It's different." True. Exactly. That's the "hidden" conceit. And it's one you'll find in a lot of great art, such as immersive installations. There's no way for an image or thousands of images (such as in a film) to make us feel the same complex feelings that are portrayed or captured on screen. Our feelings about something aren't the same as what's happening within that that thing, that work were being shown. But if we're pushed or drawn into parallel with it, one tension is replaced by a much more difficult one. But more effective. Possibly. Probably. Maybe, I dunno. What do you think?

No, I'm probably not covering new ground, but like being 13, we've got to sort out the very difficult things ourselves. What age is it okay to do certain things? How do I figure out how to do something I can't talk to anybody about? Are my body parts normal? Will anybody ever love any part of me for real? Now consider how many of those questions either come back again or never really go away.

"When will I be able to just run away, grow up, and not feel like this anymore?"

Aren't parts of ourselves still in middle school in some way or another? Often, this is honestly due to various levels of trauma. In 7th grade, my (only) best friend left school due to mental illness severe enough to put him into residential care. And I say "my only best friend" because I can't think of anyone I've known since then who would call me that. I didn't kiss anyone during middle school, or high school for that matter. So a part of me will probably always feel that level of alone. Middle school was decades ago. I guess, seeing best friends who are that committed to each other is bittersweet. If I spend all day with anyone now, I'll get sick to hell of them. But what if that kind of connection isn't actually impossible? This is where the more positive, and even comforting, aspects of the show come in. "Another show about friendship" wouldn't have gone far, or anywhere really, without taking us into the depths of these characters' weird, yet ordinary lives.

[thecleverqueer]

imma bombard you with questions for scientific research (don’t feel pressured to answer though)

what are your thoughts on ahsoka so far? how would you rate the show out of 10? what’s your favorite episode so far? what’s your least favorite? who’s your favorite character? what is your favorite scene? what are your thoughts on episode 6? 

please tag me if you answer so i get the notification! <3 

bonus: what’s your favorite star wars movie and character? 

Hi @byler-is-endgame7 !

I’ll gladly answer your questions for scientific research.

First, what do I think of Ahsoka so far?

So far, I’ve been quite pleased with the story… it feels like a spiritual continuation of Rebels which I though was a lovely series. Once more, it primarily focuses on three of my favorite characters in all of Star Wars media (Ahsoka, Hera and Sabine)… with that being said, I may be bias.

I have really enjoyed the lightsaber battles. I have enjoyed the world building aspect of the show. I think, visually, they’ve done a great job. I like the fact that they brought back Huyang. He was an underutilized character in The Clone Wars, and it’s cool to see him in live action. A lot of folks have complained endlessly about the actors, but I think they’ve done a great job translating the characters into live action. If I had one complaint, it would be that the dialogue has come off as sort of clunky and awkward at times. It’s not terrible. It’s something that I can look over mostly.

How would I rate the show?

Eh. I kind of hate to do that. My friends often ask me to do this, and my answer has always been, “so far, I’ve really enjoyed it, but I’m going to hold off my final judgement because Filoni still has plenty of time to blow the whole story for me.” So, I’m going to hold off on rating it overall.

Favorite and least favorite episodes?

Tell you what, I’ll rank the episodes out of 10 for you:

Episode 1: 9.0.

Episode 2: 9.0.

Episode 3: 8.0.

Episode 4: 10.

Episode 5: 10.

Episode 6: 8.5.

With that being said, four or five are probably my favorites thus far (I would probably lean towards five). The action sequences were fantastic, and I love that Ahsoka has turned a corner emotionally. Three was probably my least favorite. It wasn’t bad. The space battle was awesome.

My favorite character?

Ahsoka. Absolutely Ahsoka. I’m a self-proclaimed simp.

Favorite scene?

I honestly liked the entire sequence post-pulling Ahsoka out of the water in episode five. If I could chose only one scene though, it would be the moment Ahsoka hugs Jacen, and has the conversation with Hera about where she thinks Sabine has gone. Ahsoka’s really soft with both of them, and I think it’s sweet. I also like that Ahsoka is wearing those ragged jammies with that white shawl.

Thoughts on Episode 6?

It was okay, but not my favorite. I didn’t like that there wasn’t much Ahsoka in it. I do get why. I did think it was cute that Ahsoka had Huyang tell her a children’s story to try and get her mind off of everything. I’m honestly also sort of mad at Sabine. I wanted them to find Ezra too, but not like this. Once worse, I’m anxious because I’m starting to think that the heroes may end up getting stranded out there because how TF are they going to get home without the whales and without the hyperspace coordinates to jump back? I did like the fact that we got a little more character development surrounding Shin and Baylan. I think that they’re fascinating characters, and I want to know more. I liked the Noti. And, ultimately, I was happy to see Ezra again. It’s been a while.

Bonus:

Favorite Star Wars move?

Definitely the Empire Strikes Back. That’s actually my comfort film (despite it ending badly for the good guys which I don’t typically like).

Favorite Star Wars character?

My most favorite is Ahsoka Tano, but Obi-Wan Kenobi is a very, VERY close second.

[blackbird-brewster]

I was tagged by @meanderingandrambling -- (in 2020, but I just found this in my likes so I'm replying three years late~)

Let's get to know each other. Fill out the below & tag some of your followers ❤

Who are you named after? (Famous actor) - that's my dead name, and it sucks bc it's been misspelled my entire life because OF COURSE, they named me after someone who spells a common name with an 'A' instead of an 'E'. Why the fuck!? My name, Kit, was chosen by me -- age 7, because A League of Their Own was my favourite movie. And I was obviously already vibing on a lesbionic level.

Last time you cried? I dunno, Friday? I cry like once a week, at least, it's healthy! Get out all my frustrations in one meltdown, then I'm alright for a few days.

Do you like handwriting? Yes, yes, yes! Handwriting things makes me remember them better. I handwrite tons of plot work when I'm planning fanfic. I also prefer written to-do lists vs digital.

Favorite meal? Sundog Diner's french toast. (RIP to my favourite diner in the world, whose absence has left a gaping hole in my heart)

Longest relationship? Meh, my first wife and I were together six years. But that was a HORRIBLE relationship. Doom Them and I have been dating somewhere around five years, and by far, the longest relationship I'll ever have (bc they are my forever <3)

Do you still have tonsils? Yeah, wtf is up with that!? I've had so many organs removed. Yet, I still have these shitty guys and I have a habit of getting strep every fucking year. TAKE THEM OUT!

Would you bungee jump? 20 yr old adrenaline junkie me, yeah. My now? BAHAHAHAHAH not for a million dollars.

What’s your favorite breakfast? Refer to question 4.

Do you untie your laces when taking shoes off? I'm supes disabled, so I actually have elastic laces!! I can slip in and out of my shoes without having to tie up laces. Honestly, such a great accessibility aid.

Favorite ice cream? cookies and cream ice cream sandwiches

What’s the first thing you notice about a person? Mostly, I think I sort of gauge the likelihood of queerness and go from there

Football/softball? Rugby.

What color pants are you wearing? Pink

Last thing you ate? Just had some chili and cornbread I made! Winter comfort foods.

What are you listening to? [clever title pending] playlist, but specifically : Stop Desire by Tegan and Sara

If you were a crayon what color would you be? Cliche af, but cerulean blue

Tag You're It (no pressure): @gaelic-symphony || @unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix || @phantomhag-666 || @doctor-whothefuckknows * If you don't like being tagged in these let me know :)

[kinetic-elaboration]

September 24: Practical Magic

I didn’t do a lot this weekend, but I did write two more scenes of my fic, made a really good dinner by actually cooking, and finished out the day by doing some sewing and watching Practical Magic again.

Before watching, I looked up the run time, and also found the rotten tomatoes scores for it. It is hilarious to me that the critics’ and viewers’ scores are so different (something like 23% versus 78% or something) but it makes a lot of sense. Like, is this movie good? Uh…. I wouldn’t say it’s good. It definitely is a book that was translated as literally as possible to the screen and it suffers for that. I haven’t read the book, but I can tell just by watching because the structure would work just fine as a novel and it does not work in a 2-hour film format. There’s sort of a ‘prologue’ and an ‘actual plot’ but not really because it’s hard to figure out where the prologue ends and the plot begins, and I think the most generous, by which I mean shortest, reading of the prologue is that it’s a solid 20 minutes. There isn’t really a plot in general, so much as there are events that happen in a row and necessary story beats that are hit as efficiently as possible, and then moved on from. Many events happen for obviously contrived reasons. For example, when the aunts leave, they say it’s because the sisters need to clean up their own mess—and yet then the aunts return, when the mess is not cleaned up, specifically to save the day. Almost like the actual main characters need to be left alone for a while but there’s no clear reason why they should be, so we’ll just… make one up, and rescind it when we don’t want it anymore. The movie also switches around a lot between genres, sometimes a comedy, sometimes a romance, sometimes a horror, sometimes a sweet girl-bonding small-town story. If I were reviewing this film professionally, I’d have to harp on all of this as, like, objectively not good.

That said, I have such fondness for it. I would probably rate it at like 78 or 80%, won’t lie. I watched it for the first time during the pandemic (October 2020) and found it so soothing and pleasant. This time I needed that less, but I still enjoyed it for the same reasons. It’s just a nice place to be: the small town, the island, the lighting, the house (of course the house!!), the costumes, the actors, the female-centric narrative. I probably would have liked it more if it had less plot, honestly. Less distraction from what I’m really here for, which is 4 women dancing around the kitchen and making margaritas at midnight.

I don’t know that I found the romance very convincing. I actually remembered it as being mostly a romance but I think that’s because I had been sold the movie, from tumblr, as like basically Sandra Bullock and Nicole Kidman are witch sisters in a kickass witch house in the 90s and so the presence of any man and any romance was pretty surprising. This time, expecting it to be a bigger deal, it surprised me how little there actually was of the Detective or whoever. I mean he had more of a personality than the first husband/sperm donor but not that much.

As far as genres go, it was probably most effective as an allegory for abuse: that Gillian’s ex-boyfriend literally inhabits her, that he appears exorcised repeatedly but keeps recurring, and that it is a strong network of women that finally frees her from him.

But, also, if there had been no plot at all but just the three generations of lady witches hanging out in their awesome house, making potions, and taking walks around their picaresque little seaside town, I would have also been happy with that. I mean if one were to make the argument that this movie exists so that the shot of Sandra Bullock blowing a candle on could turn a generation of women gay, I’d be like, that checks out.

I just love, and find such comfort in, female-centric media. It’s not that the bar is lower, it’s just that the bar is different. I’m looking for different things, I think. Like, oh, something that centers the experiences and priorities of women? It’s already giving me something I get almost nowhere so I’m half sold.

So, anyway, I enjoyed it. I don’t think it’s every year watching but like every couple of years? Yeah. I think it feels nicer in a way to think about it than to actually watch but already I’m looking at it fondly for its soft color palette and pleasant 90s wardrobe choices.

[pickledpascal]

Elle, Why Are You Up?

Relationship: Benoit Blanc x Ezra Wayne

Word Count: 1.1k

Summary: Ezra comes home from his last press junket, only to find Elle and Benoit cuddled up while watching one of her favorite movies.

It was one of those days.

Ezra had been hard at work after the severeness of the pandemic died down. Movies were starting to come out more regularly, meaning some projects Ezra worked on years ago were finally coming out after being held back a year. So he had to go on press tours… leaving Elle and Benoit alone for weeks on end. They were fine as far as Ezra could tell. He face-timed them as frequently as possible. It was a little harder when Ezra was in another country and his morning would be their night. Elle and Benoit were getting along great, sometimes Elle would even go to Benoit’s office with him when she was free from college–mostly during the weekends or in the afternoon. 

It was nice to see them bonding, especially with the world starting to open things up again. It was slow–Ezra didn’t mind, he didn’t need to go out so it wasn’t the worst thing not to.

Thankfully, Ezra was going to be home for a little while. His last press junket for a movie titled “Death on the Nile,” a crime-mystery film that he realized was eerily similar to some of Benoit’s cases. Interesting…

“So, you’ve had an amazing career with such range between roles–from being Agent Tequila in Kingsman to playing alongside Lady Gaga as Jack Maine in A Star is Born–so what’s it like bouncing around all these character types?” A question he got a lot, really. It was somewhat tiring hearing the same sorts of questions over and over again but he did want to be an actor. This sort of stuff just came with the job. 

His answer usually went something like, “I think it’s fun. That’s what this job is for me, at least. I don’t get typecast unlike a lot of other actors. Which is great for me because when I started off I worried that I would be typecast in Indie or artsy films of being this depressed trans guy who deeply hated himself. Glad that didn't happen.”

"As far as celebrities go, you are far more mundane in your living. Is there any particular reason for this?" A different question, but a weird one all the same.

So Ezra would answer honestly, "I spend my money when I feel like it, I'm also not averse to spending it just because I can. My house–on the other hand–I don't need a big house. It's just me and my daughter," Somewhat of a lie but no one needed to know about Benoit yet. He wanted to keep him to himself for a little while longer. "I'd rather not have like five extra bedrooms I need to clean."

"So there's been rumors," Oh, this wasn't going to be good. Nor would there be much thought behind it. "About a special person in your life. Have you met someone?" 

Ezra could lie… except people were clamoring over him online. He wasn't one for social media, he had them–apps like Instagram and Twitter–and posted occasionally when he felt like it. Elle was the one to bring "thirst tweets" to his attention. He had to admit some of them were really nicely written. Perhaps it would squash some of them if he revealed he did have a romantic partner of some sort.

"Actually, I do. I won't say their name but I have a… romantic partner I'm currently trying to keep to myself as much as possible." He joked lightly.

Benoit was such a treasure and he didn't even know it. There's just something so special about him. Perhaps it was the way he dressed so nicely for any sort of occasion. Or maybe it's the way he'd come home from a particularly hard case and still joke around and have fun with Elle. Or just… the fact that he knew just how to comfort Ezra when he was feeling sad. A light touch on his thigh and a kiss on the cheek and it was like the brunet was healed. Nothing hurt anymore as long as Benoit was with him. 

"It's okay, darlin', you're alright. Breathe with me, hm?" Benoit would say, a gentle hand brushing through Ezra's hair. 

Ezra might have exuded confidence and strength for the public but, in private, he was just as traumatized as Elle when seeing the death of Duke. It was hard, having to be okay and be a father for her while also dealing with… everything. Benoit made it easier.

As soon as Ezra opened the door to his house, he could hear the faint voices of Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner. Hm, 13 Going on 30. A classic. Seemed like Elle was doing the usual. A rom-com and some pizza. 

Except he could also hear the faint sound of crying. That couldn't be Elle, she saw this movie dozens of times. The end didn't affect her like that anymore. Venturing further into his own home, Ezra could see Elle and Benoit sitting together on the couch. Elle was clearly still munching on some popcorn, bottom of the bucket while Benoit had a few tissues crumpled up next to him as he wiped his eyes. Not to mention the two pizza boxes sitting on the coffee table, open with only a slice or two left in either of them.

"This is such a beautiful movie, just the Razzles and the… it's wonderful." Benoit took a deep breath as he wiped his eyes. Elle let out a laugh in response.

She patted his back slightly and cuddled up next to him. "I know, dad." Elle hummed with a smile.

Benoit could be quite the emotional man. He got attached very easily to things which was not the best in his line of work. Half of his clients were now his best friends.

Ezra let out a light laugh as he made his way to the couch. He sat next to Benoit, pulling him into his shoulder. Elle smiled widely and climbed over Benoit to hug her father which caused both of them to let out a breath. Elle wasn't as light as she used to be when she was a kid. Either way, it was nice to know he was missed. 

Benoit kissed Ezra's cheek as Elle cuddled up to his side, making Ezra wrap an arm around both of them. 

"Missed you." Benoit hummed, burying his face into Ezra's neck. 

Ezra let out a small chuckle, "I don't know, it seems like you two were having a lot of fun before I came home." He teased softly.

"Don't be an asshole to your boyfriend." Elle hissed, crossing her arms as she shook her head. Benoit let out a laugh at her comment.

Yeah, Ezra was missed but it was nice to know they'd survive without him. Benoit and Elle made a nice team. 

[rainbowsky]

Hi, my favorite blogger,

Do you think there’s a turtle in BAH art direction team? I see date 05-10-2019, yibo and friend’s police badge number etc… probably coincidences. But as they made yibo’ s car and badge number include 85 .. probably they really consider kadians?? What do you think??

Aww, hi, Anon, and thanks so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying my blog. 💖

Honestly, I don't think so. I answered a similar question recently. I just don't read into these things at all. Even if they were true, it really wouldn't be exciting to me. Quite the contrary.

When it comes to their work projects, it feels a bit 'off limits' to me to clown about it. After all, their work projects mostly represent the work product of other people, and GG and DD's roles - while they might be high profile - are only a small part of the process. It's highly unlikely (I'd almost go so far as to say impossible) that anyone involved in a drama project of theirs - particularly one that's going to come under as much official government scrutiny as a cop show - is going to throw any candy in there.

I also look at it from the perspective of them as individual actors. I doubt they would want all of their work projects to be read as significant in some way to their romantic relationship. At least when I think about my own professional work and I imagine someone trying to connect it in some way to my partner, I would feel uncomfortable with that. My work is my own. There needs to be healthy boundaries about things.

Even if there were turtles working on a project like that and they decided to put in significant dates or kadian, I would be unable to cheer about it. It would - to me - really represent a huge breach of professional boundaries. It wouldn’t come across as cute or sweet to me, it would come across as unhinged and more than a bit creepy for a turtle to insert candies into their individual work projects without their knowledge or consent. It would be a violation of GG and DD’s individual personal and professional boundaries. In many ways it would be a violation of their privacy.

And I don’t think GG or DD would request candies be placed in there, nor would they be likely to consent to it. It would be very inappropriate for them to do so. They aren’t the sort of people who would feel comfortable with having their personal clownery brought into a project that involves so many other people.

People can experience fandom in whatever way works best for them, but I hope they can do so with a sense of restraint, and not cross boundaries like that for their own personal gratification.

So I would prefer to believe it’s a coincidence than believe it was intentionally done in these cases. And thankfully, I think it likely is just a coincidence.

Now, when it comes to their personal posts about a project, BTS moments at work, or to their interactions regarding the promo of a project - the accessories they wear to a promo event, kadian they might do on social media or something like that - that would be an area where I think we’d be more likely to see actual candy. Candid moments or things that are representative of GG and DD as individuals, outside of the actual work product. The Sauced Beef Saga is an example of that.

Or if the project were more laid back and involved people who GG and DD would be likely to have that sort of relationship with - that is another scenario where we might see actual candy.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with the SDOC3 Cameo Candy, but that’s a scenario where I find this sort of clownery more believable.

Anyway, I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but I have pretty specific areas where I feel clowning is OK and not OK. Everyone has to find their own lines in the sand, but those are mine.

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

Rambling About 1998 Casting

Having seen a ton old, Broadway-based productions, and a ton of newer, London-based productions, so I now have a general idea of what the differences between the two are, I’ve noticed just how much adding Broadway cast members to a mostly London-based show affected the VHS version.

Three Broadway actors were cast in 1998, one from the original cast, and two who were performing at the time.

Ken Page was the original Broadway Old Deuteronomy. Old Deuteronomy’s role is pretty much the same in London and Broadway versions, so there’s not much to comment on with him. But, Munkustrap and Mistoffelees are characters with tons of little differences between versions, so Michael Gruber and Jacob Brent changed more.

But, Michael Gruber’s casting actually didn’t change much. The biggest difference between London Munkustrap and Broadway Munkustrap is the Macavity Fight. Broadway Munk is taken out of the action much earlier. Someone cast as Munk in London would have to learn more fight choreography than someone cast on Broadway. But, the London version of the Macavity Fight was used in 1998. Michael Gruber learned the new choreography for the filmed version.

Mistoffelees is different. Virtually every time the choreography and staging of the character differs between London and Broadway, 1998 uses the Broadway version. Misto’s opening line is Broadway. A large portion of Jellicle Ball choreography (Fugue, Girls, Mungo Entrance, Boys Jump, Tours) is Broadway. Mistoffelees is absent during Skimble’s number, because Broadway had a longer break for Misto actors to change costumes for Misto’s number than London did. The pacing of Misto’s number comes from the Broadway variant where Misto sings the second verse, even though he doesn’t sing it in this version.

There are a lot more changes between London and Broadway with Misto’s stuff than with Munk’s stuff. Munk’s changes were one fight scene. I’m guessing there was too much London choreography for Jacob Brent to learn during rehearsals, so they switched it to what he was already familiar with. 

When Misto was given his Broadway role, if his London role was still needed, it was given to Tumblebrutus. This put Tumblebrutus in many places where I’ve never seen him appear onstage. In Broadway-based productions, “have you been an alumnus of heaven and hell?” is Plato’s opening line. In Broadway-based productions, Munkustrap holds the light at the front of Skimble’s train. In London-based productions, those are both Mistoffelees. Instead of just imitating Broadway and putting Plato and Munk in those places, which would’ve been very easy to do in Munk’s case, they swapped in Tumblebrutus.

Tumblebrutus was played by Fergus Logan, who played Mistoffelees in London at the time, so he was more familiar with these bits, though it must’ve been weird doing them as a different character. He also had to learn the rest of Tumble’s track, but only parts that didn’t overlap with Misto’s track, or with Pouncival’s track when those were swapped out.

Then there’s that reworking of the Jellicle Ball. In every version of the ball, we start out with the entire cast together, but eventually the crowd disperses. 

In London-based productions, Carbucketty/Pouncival has a ballet solo. He crosses the stage and one of the girls, usually Jemima/Sillabub, runs past him. They briefly acknowledge each other. Carbucketty/Pouncival reaches the other side of the stage and Mistoffelees runs out. Weirdly, this step is called “Mungo’s Entrance”, even though I’ve never seen Mungojerrie be the one who enters here. Anyway, Carbucketty/Pouncival and Misto jump around a bit and the Jerrie tumbles out (maybe this should’ve been called Mungo’s entrance), followed by Cassandra. Jerrie tries to hit on Cassandra and gets rejected. This is when Bomba’s section starts up.

In Broadway-based productions, the bit where Jemima/Sillabub runs by (literally named Girls) is cut and replaced with Alonzo. Mistoffelees gets the ballet solo, crosses the stage towards Alonzo, and they seem to dance the idea of making polite conversation. Pouncival runs out for the Mungo Entrance and the Boys Jump features three cats, instead of two. Tumblebrutus tumbles out and we have a bit that I’ve dubbed the Antagonistic Waggle, where Tumble gets in a bit of a fit with the other boys. The fight breaks up when Cassandra comes out and then Bomba starts up her section.

If you took a Carbucketty, cast them as Pouncival and gave them the Broadway choreography, it’d be easy. They don’t get their ballet solo, but once they get onstage for the Boys Jump, it’d all be pretty familiar. However, London Alonzo isn’t in this section at all, so this would be new stuff to learn. The 1998 version added a moment where Alonzo hits on Bomba and gets rejected, possibly to match the Jerrie/Cassandra bit that would have in London, and when Cassandra comes out, Alonzo is far more successful with her than Jerrie is, because Casslonzo is basically canon in London-based productions.

So, there was a lot of rearranging to mix some Broadway into the 1998 film, even though the Broadway cast members were outnumbered. 

This is all interesting, but I sometimes wonder why they made this decision. I’m not at all complaining, because it turned out great, but it wasn’t the most convenient decision. Since the filming was based out of London, you’d think they would’ve just gathered the London cast, reworked some of the choreography for film, and left it at that. Most filmed recordings of plays don’t mix and match their casts. I think they wanted the show they filmed to sort of represent all shows up to that point. But how did they pick which characters to use the current London cast for vs. the ones to get someone else for? And why cast several roles with actors who’d never played them before?

I honestly don’t know, but I have a few observations.

So, if they went to represent all of Cats, getting someone from the original London cast was vital. Since Grizabella is the character with the iconic song, the song that made the show a hit outside of theatre circles, casting the first person to sing that song in an official production makes perfect sense. Thus, Elaine Paige as Grizabella. Also, Grizabella is an older character, so casting someone in 1997 who first played the role in 1981 would mean casting an older actress. That works perfectly here.

In fact, most of the older characters were cast with older actors. Ken Page first played Old D in 1982. For Gus, instead of a casting an actor who’d played him before, they actually cast an old actor, someone who could represent a human version of Gus. This completely changed the tone of the number, but in a way that people liked. When watching bootlegs, I tend to skip over Gus, but it’s one of my favorite numbers in 1998.

The other characters on the older side of the cast are Bustopher, Asparagus, Skimble, Jellylorum, and Jennyanydots. James Barron (Bustopher) and Susie McKenna (Jenny) were playing the roles in London at the time. Tony Timberlake (Asparagus), played the Gustopher (Gus/Asparagus/Bustopher) role in London directly before Barron did. Geoffrey Garratt (Skimble) first played his role in the 1989 UK tour. Susan Jane Tanner (Jelly) was from the original London cast. So, there’s a mix of old and new.

I don’t actually know the ages of most of these actors, so I can’t give exact numbers of how old they were when they first played their roles vs. when recording for the VHS. Also, Garratt is not the only actor who came from the 1989 tour. Rosemarie Ford (Bombalurina) spent most of her Cats career playing Grizabella, but she began as Bomba in 1989. Aeva May (Demeter) started even earlier, being cast as Demeter in London in 1986. Both played adult, but younger adult characters for the VHS at 35. 1989 was still less than a decade before the VHS and 1986 only slightly before.

So, Grizabella, Old Deuteronomy, and Jellylorum were the three older characters cast with actors who’d played their roles a long time before the VHS, meaning that their actors were a bit closer to the age of their characters. I’m not sure why Jellylorum in particular got this emphasis, other than that it just works. It just does. But, this does cause this weird effect with my brain when actors played Jelly too young. I also get annoyed when Jenny’s played too young because she’s the OLD Gumbie Cat. It’s the title of the song. How could you miss that? But, neither Skimble nor Jelly have their ages made nearly as clear, so it should be understandable when 30 year-old actors don’t know how old they’re supposed to be and just play them at 30. This is easy to accept with Skimble, but not with Jelly, entirely because I can recognize from 1998 that she both aligns herself with older characters and is played by an older actress. She doesn’t look 30. If a 30 year-old is cast as Jelly, and has seen the 1998 version, they should probably know that. If Jellylorum was meant to be younger, they wouldn’t have cast the role the way they did.

Now, back to Misto. I called this “rambling” for a reason. I’m writing off the top of my head here.

Mistoffelees is a really weird case. They cast the Broadway actor, but still brought in the London actor to play a different character, one he’d never played before. Fergus Logan wasn’t the only actor playing a role he hadn’t played before. Rebecca Parker (Cassandra) began as a swing and then played Bomba. Frank Thompson (George) started off as Admetus/Macavity and then became a swing. As swings, they could’ve played their filmed roles before, but I have no proof of that. (As a side note, I wonder if Thompson being an Admetus has something to do with his George being credited as Admetus).

But, Parker and Thompson seemed pretty comfortable as Cassandra and George, while Logan struggled a bit with Tumblebrutus. I think this is because, half the time, 1998 Tumblebrutus isn’t even Tumblebrutus. He’s a stand-in for London Mistoffelees. Having to be a stand-in, and having more experience in his stand-in role, I don’t think Logan was given a whole lot of room to develop his Tumblebrutus, so the role felt reduced and inconsistent. Parker just had to play Cassandra, so she developed her Cassandra. Thompson just had to play George, so he developed his George. 1998 basically tried to have a Broadway and a London Misto at the same time and sort of lost Tumblebrutus as a character along the way.

Tumblebrutus isn’t a major character, especially in London-based productions, so this isn’t a major problem. Some tours and smaller productions actually cut Tumblebrutus in favor of Electra. Pouncival is never cut. He seems to be the preferred tom kitten in general. But, the reduced role of Tumblebrutus is the result of casting a Broadway Mistoffelees when it seems like they wanted a London one. But, they cast a Broadway Munkustrap and had him play a London Munkustrap with no one cast as a stand-in, while they made changes to Misto’s role to match the Broadway version. They wanted both versions so badly that they basically refused to choose just one.

With the casting of Michael Gruber, from what I can tell, Gillian Lynne just really liked him in the role.

(Interview tidbit is from Michael Gruber’s page on the Cats Wiki)

This might’ve been the case with Jacob Brent as Mistoffelees as well, but I think there was more to it than that. Technically, Brent and Logan were both great in the role. Seeing Misto and Tumble in the Boys Ballet, which Brent said Logan had the timing for better than he did, Logan might’ve actually been better at dancing the role. 

But, I think what decided Brent’s casting was his acting of the role.

The role of Mistoffelees evolved a lot over time and London and Broadway evolved in different directions. By the time Brent was cast, Broadway Mistoffelees was a mix of the very dramatic, theatrical character Broadway started with and the younger, more awkward version that Lindsay Chambers brought to Broadway from Zurich. Brent was Chambers’ understudy and their versions of the character are similar. There are no full recordings of Chambers as Misto on Broadway, but there is a bootleg from Zurich, so the two portrayals can be compared.

Zurich was Vienna-based. The 1983 Vienna production was mostly based off of Broadway, but with a few changes. One of these changes is that Mistoffelees, who had a large singing role on Broadway, became completely mute. Mute Misto soon spread to Amsterdam and Paris. In Paris, the character was aged down and given more of a character arc where magically recovering Old Deuteronomy becomes a coming-of-age moment. Zurich took this characterization and ran with it. Both Paris and Zurich opened with Tibor Kovats as Misto, but the bootleg was filmed after Lindsay Chambers took over. The younger, coming-of-age aspects of the character were doubled down on. On top of that, Chambers’ Misto is an outcast, often scolded by the older cats in the tribe for what appear to be misunderstandings. Munkustrap is particularly harsh with him, and after he brings Old D back, Munkustrap dances with him and leads him to the tire for Tugger’s “ladies and gentlemen” finale. Munkustrap took the lead in honoring Misto at the end. Gaining Munk’s respect in particular is Zurich Misto’s arc.

Jacob Brent also plays Misto as younger and prone to awkward mistakes, but the tone is different. His Misto is more Broadway theatrical, with a small singing role. This makes him seem a bit more confident, and he at times appears to have a bit of an ego. Most of the older cats seem to like him. Munkustrap, the complete opposite to his Zurich counterpart, is very patient with Misto and seems to understand him a bit better than some of the other cats. Instead, Misto doesn’t really seem to fit in with cats closer to his own age and it’s the entire tribe he has to impress, without focus on a specific character.

All in all, the storyline with Zurich Misto is a bit more obvious. But, Brent’s Misto is more energetic, more dynamic. He makes facial expressions that make for great close ups. The combination of the clear story arc, which can be made even clearer on film, and that energy and expressiveness, make for a character that works really well on film. He’s the ideal Misto for a recorded production.

So, it was less Jacob Brent as a dancer, and more Mistoffelees, the character as played by Jacob Brent, that they were looking for.

I’ve run out of things to ramble about for now. I’ll just add on at the end that all of these people are awesome.

[helisol]

dude im not sure you will get it after reading this either, but you Can read it now

okay so first of all do not expect me to adhere to rules of grammar or Proper capitalisation, I am writing from the heart

so it’s been said before by other people but if Quark and Odo didnt look like the aliens that they are but instead like two regular prettybois the fandom would do cartwheels over their dynamic and Not call them a crack ship. because really, their dynamic fucking SLAPS and I’m here to tell you Why.

their surface-level dynamic is “Respected and Talented Security Chief and Cunning Immoral Businessman who are in Love but pretend not to be” and that's just an off-brand version of enemies to lovers! which is excellent and for some people that’s all you really need to get invested in a ship.

but some people look at it and go “Hm, no, that’s not enough. I mean, they work as friends but it doesn’t really have to be romantic.” and to that I say you are Absolutely Valid, not everything has to be romantic.

it just so happens that these two fuckers have one of the most compelling romance stories ever, and it’d be a shame not to explore it.

so before I dive into the internalised homophobia and repression, I’d like to take a moment to talk about Quark as a character.

because if you have brainworms like me you can kind of see that its an honest to god greek tragedy.

this guy comes from a race of people where being kind, ethical and fair is considered Abnormal and Horrifying. and I’m not gonna call Quark out of all people kind, ethical or fair but,,, 

you ever notice how he’s A Much Better Person Than Pretty Much All Other Ferengi?

dont get me wrong, Quark is still a bastard, but every once in a while his True Character shines through. and I say True Character because guys,,, the way he behaves around other people is an Act. he’s pretending to be something he’s not.

he has to try so hard to be a good ferengi it’s honestly painful to watch at times. because he is a SHIT ferengi! 

he loves his friends- because that's what the ds9 crew are. they’re his friends! and it makes him miserable because that's not! normal! for a ferengi!

let’s compare Quark and Rom for a second. 

Quark reeks of self loathing because a lot of the time he just Doesn’t act like a ferengi is supposed to, and this drives a lot of conflict in the show. he knows how a ferengi should act, it’s just that he can’t!! fucking!! do it!! but he still tries and tries to fit into that mold, which straight up ruins his life on multiple occasions.

Rom is also not a Model Ferengi, but he lives without hating himself. and it’s mostly because he doesn’t care about how a ferengi Should act, he’s loved and cared for even when everybody knows that he’s a shit ferengi! because his non-ferengi-ness works to his benefit. it encourages and highlights his abilities as an engineer. the success and love he finds make it easy for him to be content with his true self. Unlike Quark, who doesn’t get unconditional love from anyone.

its so!! tragic!! because you can see what Quark is really like!! his true self!! he’s a nice guy who cares for people!

its right there all the time and it's so blatantly obvious. especially in episodes like “Body Parts”, “Bar Association”, “The Way Of The Warrior” and “Ferengi Love Songs���

his own wiki page literally calls him “a compassionate and generous man by ferengi standards” which pretty much translates to “not really a good ferengi”.

anyway so Quark is a tragic figure or whatever but we’re actually here for the REPRESSED! HOMOSEXUAL! TENDENCIES! that he and Odo both exhibit.

with characters like garak you don’t really need to have brainrot to pick up on those tendencies, because that was something andrew robinson chose to do, on purpose. 

and to be fair, Quark wasn’t intended to be Any kind of representation, not even by the actor. I’m just pointing out that he Does look and act and talk like a little gayman.

I will admit that he is Painfully Straight in the text of the show, but on a meta level he’s just. a dude who has a serious case of repressing his real personality. and taking it a step further- he also represses his feelings towards another man.

and that man is Odo.

a few things on him:

Odo is literally desperate to be a person. unlike Quark, who at least has the comfort of belonging to a society of people with a set of rules and expectations, Odo has never met anyone or anything like him in all his years of life.

like, we all know Odo basically grew up in a lab, right? 

with people who didn’t know anything about him. who he was so unalike that they literally called him “Nothing”

but he still learned to look and talk and act like them (because if he didn’t he’d feel *pain* which is very fucked up by the way?)

so we know for a fact that Odo wants to be recognised as a person- which is why he tries really hard to conform to the ideals of the society that raised him. instead of exploring his nature as a shape shifter he maintains a humanoid form, picks up a job and creates an entire personality around what he wants to be seen as. but not what he really is.

and that's the thing that causes all the conflict between Quark and Odo. the type of person odo wants to be seen as is the polar opposite of whatever the fuck quark wants to be seen as.

In the same way that Quark acts like a Normal Ferengi, Odo acts like a Normal Security Officer.  and in a cruel twist of fate, the Ferengi happens to be the antithesis of the Security Officer.

If you only look at them as the things they act like, and not the things they are, you might say they’re way too different to like each other, right? 

but,,, if you think about the fact that they’re both putting on this act,,, this performance of idealised versions of themselves,,, you can see that they are The Same. They Are Both Gay Repressed Loser Aliens Who Try To Act Like Things That They Aren’t!

Imagine you’re Odo. 

Imagine that you’re Nothing, because you’re not like anything anyone has ever seen- and because you are Nothing you don’t fall in love with anyone for years and years. since who could love something that isn’t like them at all?

But then one day this Thing shows up in your path and you just hate it. Because it’s not like anything *you* have ever seen. It’s disorderly and looks grotesque and it’s criminal to boot.

It’s all the things you learned would make a “Bad Person” It’s everything you aspire not to be, because if you were any of those things you would BE PUNISHED.

But the trouble is, eventually he’s not an “it” anymore, he’s “Quark” and you see him every day of your miserable little life because you live on the same damn station in space and it’s hard to avoid each other.

He also happens to be one of the only things in your life that are constant. He will never leave because he is stubborn and greedy and you just *hate him so much* that you’re convinced he must be doing all of it to spite you. And yet you also can’t seem to leave him alone.

So Odo Must Hate Quark. everything else is a non sequitur for him. he can’t not hate Quark.

because Quark is, and i’m sincerely sorry to apply christian fucking imagery to this, The Forbidden Fruit.

If he liked quark he’d admit some kind of moral failing. it would be the end of his act. but on the other hand...it might be a good thing, because at least he could have quark.

but Odo can never go through with biting into this apple because the consequences are horrifying to him. he could never have quark because, according to his performance, he would Never like quark to begin with.

and here’s a take for you: Odo's Brand Of Internalised Homophobia Doesn't Stem From Heteronormativity. It Stems From The Fact That He Was Kind Of Assigned Asexual At Birth.

and the show sort of alludes to this, for real! not just subtext! canon! except the writers used the wrong person. 

because instead of Odo having these Forbidden Feelings for Quark he has them for,,, Kira.

but since this is My Quodo Manifesto you’ll understand that i am 100% willing to just toss that part of canon out the airlock.

so Odo does canonically have that mindset of “no one could ever love me”  for decades he repressed any and all feelings of love to avoid getting hurt. in the show he breaks this cycle of repression when he takes a chance and enters a relationship with Kira. yay?

but we all know that aint it chief. and part of the reason why That Ship Ain’t It is the fact that Quark is Right There. and he is simply the more interesting choice for odo.

he and Odo literally share the same problem and have weird intertwined character arcs! they are both dreadfully afraid of not conforming to the ideal versions of themselves, so they reject everything that could challenge their Performance!

on some fucked up level they hate each other *and* themselves individually. and this hatred makes them reject parts of their real identities for the sake of protecting their image. which. yknow. in gay people. is internalised homophobia!

so you can see that they’re both repressing A Lot even if you view them as Friends, but the most important thing in this kind of romantic dynamic is usually,,, when the characters *stop* repressing.

and the thing is. the thing that Kills Me with these two. They Never Get That Moment. Thats Why You Need The Brainrot To See Them As Romantic.

The Ascent gives us an example of what happens when they both take their act too far. I mean, who could forget “Fascist!” and “Fraud!” That is what odo thinks of quark’s performance and vice versa, but we don’t really hear them adress the fact that they *are* playing these roles to a ridiculous extent.

We also never get an example of what would happen if they dropped their act instead of over-performing it. or rather we don’t get to see both of them drop it.

And the reason why we never get that moment is because there’s this one key difference between Quark and Odo. 

Quark knows that he’s constantly repressing his true nature and his feelings for odo. We pretty much hear him say so in the iconic root beer scene in Way Of The Warrior. he knows that he’s not a good ferengi but he keeps up his act.

So quark is aware enough to feel that sweet sweet self loathing. But Odo isnt self loathing as much as he is just self sabotaging.

and this subtle difference between them is why, at the very end of the show, we get “That man loves me, can’t you see? It was written all over his back!”

this moment is quark dropping his act and asking odo to do the same. he wants to hear a genuine Goodbye from him because they have known each other for Decades and they are Friends. but odo is so unable to express the feelings he’s been repressing all these years. that he self sabotages again and just walks away.

even though this is like. very anticlimactic. considering I just spent 2000 words talking about how Odo and Quark are Most Certainly Gay For Each Other.

The fact that their ending is so Weird is the reason why quodo is so engaging and appealing to me? especially post-canon quodo.

like, the amount of “what if’s” this ship has are Astounding.

What if either of them had dropped their act a little sooner? What if they both did, for just a moment, and it was the straw that breaks the camels back?

What if Odo comes back after a few years? What if Quark comes to get him?

What if, in that moment in the finale where Quark drops his act, Odo had returned the gesture? What if Gag-Reel Quodo Kiss.gif Real?

with the depth that I read into their relationship, those what ifs are really fun to think about.

anyway its 1 am and i’m not an english major so literary analysis is not like, my strong suit. plus most of this was written in a late night screaming session with a friend who has the exact same opinions as me. i just think aliens hot and in love. thats all.

[skaylanphear]

Hi there! Do you have any advice on improving traction towards a fanwork/fic? I love writing—and it's not for notoriety by any means—but having validation and feedback also feels nice (I hope that's not conceited). What would you recommend to someone without a large audience/follower base? I do "advertise" on tumblr when my work is written/updated on AO3. How did your journey start? Thank you!

This is an interesting question and I doubt most people are going to like the answers, but here we go:

So, first and foremost, you need to be realistic about why you're creating in the first place. If you're doing work in a fandom that is older, where content has stopped coming out, or that is simply smaller, you're not going to get much engagement, period. There will, of course, be activity in these fandoms, but it will be far less and the people involved—while they may view your work—will be less likely to comment/spread it around simply because there's not much going on. So if you're creating in that sort of environment (which can be a really good environment if you're looking for something chill with no pressure), then you have to be prepared for low engagement, even if the people you do meet and who are willing to talk about your work are more regularly in your sphere. You can probably make better/closer friends in these sorts of fandoms, if you're willing to try.

But, on the other end of this, if you're coming into a huge fandom late, it's also going to be harder to wade through the massive following to get your stuff out there. For example, in both the Miraculous and Sk8 fandom, I started work pretty early on, when the shows were still gaining traction, and so my "name" as a creator gained traction parallel to that growth, as opposed to when I started writing in the Voltron fandom. With Voltron, I came in super late and so what few fics I had that did gain traction took a lot longer to get there because people already had their fav content creators in the fandom, etc. It's not impossible to get popular in this situation—far from it—but it does take longer.

You'll also benefit from having finished works early on in a fandom's lifespan, at least with writing. This is because there's less competition for views and so more people will be filtered to your work, initially. This means that you have a better chance of getting those comments and kudos. Having a finished work increases this engagement because people look for finished works before works in progress. Generally, the length of a fic doesn't matter much for popularity, so long as it's DONE. When I was writing in the ML fandom, quite a few of my earlier fics were shorter, and they compete in popularity with my longer fics, because people care more about having a finished story, not a long story. That's why when it came to Only Practice Makes Perfect in the Sk8 fandom, I worked hard to get that shit done, because it was the most popular story I had in the fandom and I decided—like an idiot—to make it a long fic. Which, yeah, means people probably love it/remember it more in the long run, but if I hadn't finished it in 2 to 3 months, I'd have lost considerable traction as far as making a name within the fandom.

This leads into one of the most important points, if not THE MOST IMPORTANT point in gaining an audience—consistency. If you do want to be a successful creator, you Have To Be Consistent. This is the most difficult hurdle for all creators, and it is oftentimes impossible to make happen. If you want to aim for professionalism, which a lot of fandom creators don't care about (which is fine), then consistency is how you get there. Nobody wants to read a fic or follow an artist who doesn't stick to creating what they start (RIP all my unfinished works and the people who left me as a result, LOL). Using my most recent works as an example, I very, very, very consistently updated Only Practice Makes Perfect multiple times a week. To the point where people got comfortable expecting it, which is the key variable here. When people become comfortable that you will regularly create content, they not only stick around, but will be more interactive with you and your work. Nobody likes the disappointment of getting involved with a work only for that work to rarely get updates. Most people don't have the attention span to care. I'll admit, if I read a fic that's not finished and the writer takes one week to update, then one week, then THREE weeks, I probably will, like, forget about it. That's just life.

The best thing you can do is schedule. And again, this is the HARDEST thing to do, because it holds the creator to a deadline. Most people who create in fandoms don't want that kind of pressure—and that's fine. I go back and forth on when I have scheduled releases and when I don't, depending on what I'm aiming to do. But if you to retain your audience, telling them that you will update a work regularly on such and such a day and such and such a time, it creates something for them to remember. If they're invested in your work, they will think, "oh, it's Friday, that means such and such is coming out with something new." But, with that in mind, you also have to commit to a schedule that people will remain invested in. Which basically means you can't put things out more than a week away from each other, unless you're really, really famous, lol. If I told people I was going to go on a two week update schedule, I would lose most of my audience. But a week is long enough for people to both still remember and anticipate. That's just how the scheduling of the world works. And if you're an artist that's working on a big project, then you have to share progress, or pieces of what you're doing on a regular basis. That's what generates "buzz" and keeps you relevant. And, yeah, that's a really hard schedule to commit to, because it's a lot of work. BUT this consistency is where you see people being successful. Popular youtubers may not have gained their popularity by being consistent, but most sure do retain it that way. And again, there are outlying exceptions, but they generally ARE exceptions.

Speaking of hard work, here's probably the second hardest thing to accomplish—you have to be prolific. Especially as a writer. You have to write A LOT if you want to gain an audience. And yeah, that means you have to work, a lot. I love my work, so I enjoy that "grind," and I also have developed a lot of strategies to work around writer's block and every other obstacle that tends to catch people up. I work in a very professional manner—I do outlines, and drafts, and plan. I do a lot of stuff that people who do this kind of thing for fun can't be bothered with (and that's fine), but that's because I find it to be what works best in creating an efficient environment. I'm also very, very NOT lazy, lol. I was raised in an environment where you have to work for everything that you want. My parents didn't buy me my first computer, or snowboard, or what have you. We were tight on money and if I wanted something, they couldn't help me—I had to get that shit on my own. And I also grew up on a farm, where hard work was a staple of how you did things. You did things the right way, even if it was the hard way. You can't cut corners and it's the same with this. If you want it, you have to actually do the work, that's it. Some people get lucky with popularity, most don't. Most famous actors didn't become well-known off their first efforts, they had to keep trying and keep working and then they have to continue to do that to stay relevant. So if that doesn't sound great to you, then you might want to not focus on your audience and just create because you enjoy it, lol. Sometimes that's what I do too, when I don't wanna deal with the pressure.

Moving on, here's another point that nobody is going to like. Simply put, you also have to be good at what you do. I think some people don't realize that I've been writing fic for over fifteen years. I currently have nearly 2 millions words worth of fics on AO3 and that doesn't include a majority of the stuff I've ever written. I practice A LOT. I write every day. And I'll tell ya, when I started out in middle school, my stuff was not good. But I worked hard, I ignored the hate, and I kept going. That is the only way you will ever get better at anything. There's no quick way to become a better writer, or artist. And a vast majority of people are only going to pay attention to your stuff if it's quality work. Getting to that point is a process, on top of then creating stuff that fits into popular molds. Not only am I good at what I do (and I don't care how arrogant that sounds—I've worked my ass off), but when it comes to fandoms, I rarely write "rare pairs" and "crack ships." Generally, if it's popular, that's where I am. That makes a big difference and I honestly don't have sympathy for people who write rare pairs and such and then complain about lack of engagement. You knew what you were getting into (it's mostly the Miraculous fandom that gave me this bitterness). If you're not writing what people WANT to read, then your audience is simply going to be smaller. And that audience doesn't owe you their attention, no matter how frustrating it is or how good your work is. I could be the best writer in the world, but if I'm writing RekixCherry fic, I have nobody to blame but myself when nobody reads it. BUT if that's your passion, and writing a certain unpopular thing makes you happy, then, again, you need to not be concerned with traction and your audience.

The last point I'll make is that it matters HOW you present yourself online. A good chunk of the well-known creators in any fandom are, simply put, older people. And those that aren't, and are able to connect with those older creators, have generally created a bubble around themselves of maturity and, like, of being nice, lol. A lot of creators are skittish these days, and if you're an asshole (anti) or fight a lot over stupid shit, you may get a bigger audience, but you will isolate yourself from other creators. And this is important because oftentimes it is your exposure to other creators that will get your work circulating. The reason I got popular in the ML fandom? I wrote a short angst fic and a really popular artist shared it/talked about it and the rest was history. But if I'd had a habit of being an asshole, probably wouldn't have happened. And, granted, I'm not saying don't voice your opinions, but if you're loud all the time, it does turn people off. Especially creators because they are oftentimes the ones being attacked. They don't want to pull more of that negative bullshit into their lives. I'll admit, when I was in the ML fandom, I was down for a fight, but then that's what people came to expect, and it probably did turn others off, and then when I didn't fight, or didn't think the way my audience thought I should, it, again, turned people off. It's really not worth it unless being that type of person IS your platform.

So, that's all the advice I can give, I suppose. And even if you do all this stuff, that still doesn't mean you're going to be popular. At the end of the day, the thing that I stick to is this—I do what I want, I love what I do, and I work hard. If I'm in a position to worry about all that other stuff, then sure, I do, but otherwise… There's no easy way to become popular and, quite frankly, it's better to just "live" working hard and being a decent person than it is to focus on all this bullshit. I've created a working environment where I function within these "points" quite naturally, so it's not something I think about (except for schedules, lol). Sometimes I get popular in fandoms, sometimes I don't. At the end of the day, it comes down to how much work you're willing to do, because you will always be giving more than you are getting back, so you have to at least enjoy what you're doing.

Seriously, just do it because you love it. And if the pressure of everything above is something you don't love (I like a good, high pressure situation, lol), then don't do it that way—it's not worth the grief.

[dennou-translations]

Violet Evergarden: Booklet 2

Please feel free to message me about possible corrections. If you can, consider supporting the creators by purchasing the official releases. In case anyone is feeling generous, please consider donating to my Ko-fi or PayPal. ( ╹◡╹)っ’･*

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I wanted that star. I wanted to be the person who would piece through that star.

   Leon Stephanotis and the First Star

   I had once seen a comet that only came around every two hundred years together with a girl.

It had happened years ago. That was one beautiful evening. Even now, I can still vividly recall the twinkling of the stars we watched on that day while our bodies shivered at the coldness of the nightly wind. Like jewels scattered over a dark canopy, the starry sky was enough to make one forget to even breathe. As it passed by, dragging its white tail, the meteor looked just like a fairy in flight with insect scales scattering about from her wings.

Whenever I looked at a beautiful night sky, I would think many times over, “Aah, now that I’ve branded this moment into my heart, I’d have no regrets if someone reaped my life away”. Should I lose my life, I wanted it to be on a starry night like that. I wanted to die with the memory of witnessing something stunning.

“May the night sky be a beautiful starry one on the day I die,” I wished.

But that one evening was a little bit different. Maybe because I had someone to watch the stars with me. Maybe because that was my first love.

She was a gorgeous person. Even more than the stars. Her hair looked like the Sun when shining under the moonlight and her blue eyes were like gemstones created from a mix of the sea and the sky. With her porcelain skin and skylark voice, the way she walked was just as that of a well-cared maiden. In reality, she was an orphaned ex-soldier, as well as an Auto-Memories Doll from a far-away southern country, so the saying “don’t judge a book by its cover” was pertinent when it came to her.

She was most likely an once-in-a-lifetime kind of person, one that you couldn’t know if you would ever get to meet.

My chest throbbed even at the sigh that leaked from her when she was peeking at the telescope. When she looked my way and smiled faintly, I experienced an impact as if I had been hit in the head, giving in to a love that made me feel like my whole body would melt and crumble down.

“Master, astronomical observations are quite a wonderful thing.”

If, by any chance, my body were to be crushed by a star in that moment, only on that day did I want to keep looking at something, even if for just one second more. I wanted to keep looking at her. Forever and ever, I wished. That was what I thought.

This encounter had changed my life and decided my fate. I didn’t mind if people laughed at that, calling me a romanticist. I, Leon Stephanotis, whose destiny had been altered, would always look back on it.

On the day that I had watched the stars with Violet Evergarden.

   “There was a sea of gold in his land” – who was it again that had sung the praises of a desert like this?

“I’m beat.”

When bookworms read too much, their head’s capacity would exceed the limit, so they would automatically forget the things they had read in their early phases. I had confidence in my memorization abilities and yet I couldn’t remember this, so it was surely a passage from an adventure novel or something of the sort that I had read in my childhood.

——What a beautiful comparison.

When I actually stood in the middle of a desert, my impressions were drawn to the temperatures, sunlight and other such things regarding the environment instead, so this poetic expression hadn’t crossed my mind. In the destinations of my travels, I often reminisced to a certain someone who was somewhere in this world, as well as the things she, who spoke words as beautiful as that, used to say, as if borrowing them.

“So pretty...”

I liked the color of gold. I could observe the grains of sand moving smoothly for all eternity.

“Everyone, you did well; the books we excavated will be brought back by another group. Meaning that we from the starting line-up are finally off for the first time in months.”

As I was spacing out, I didn’t hear the commander’s words very well. I was only staring at the ground, missing out on everything. When I raised my head, the happy-looking faces of my bearded and somewhat dirty colleagues entered my eyes. All I understood right away was that we would get a vacation.

“After we get twenty days off, we’ll regroup in Iustitia, at Shaher’s headquarters. After that, we’ll go to that place in the south where the reconnaissance team was sent. Next will be our turn to bring back the luggage. Don’t let your bodies get weak.”

“Roger that.” Once everybody gave an agreeable reply in unison, we disbanded from the spot.

Iustitia, Shaher’s headquarters. The main office of my occupation. I was previously in a section called the codex department, devotedly working on the deciphering of documents and copying manuscripts, but now I had been transferred to a completely different section. It sounded good when we were called the leading actors, but it was actually a group of reeking adventure rascals, the literature collecting department.

I put my heavy baggage sack on the ground and heaved a breath. Wiping the white folk clothes that I had been provided with on-site, I dusted the sand off them. This clothing called dola – a long robe secured by a waist belt – looked flappy and inflexible at first glance, but it was surprisingly easy to move around in. It was made of a rather velvety silk material, so there would normally not be so much sand sticking to it, but since I was caught in a sandstorm until just a moment ago, there was no helping it.

We had returned from a thorough search in the ruins of an abandoned castle, once the dominion of a royal clan whose name was eminent in the past. A book burning movement had taken place in this land at a certain point, but we had received information that a scholar from those times, out of fear towards the situation, had hidden valuable books in the forsaken palace. The information was apparently right, so after wandering around all over the deserted castle, we had found dozens of books. The books that would be taken to Shaher’s headquarters were to be made into written copies and spread to the world.

Made for protection purposes, Shaher’s literature collection was also well-reputed in other countries. It was difficult to negotiate with the locals responsible for the abandoned castle, but we were allowed entrance this time as well thanks to our achievements thus far. Just like that, someone’s story, studies and feelings, which were supposed to have disappeared, would breathe once again. The books we had been looking for would be delivered to other people and comfort them during long nights.

——What a wonderful thing.

The working environment was awful, but I was proud of my job.

I sat down on my luggage and gazed at the cityscape while drinking water from my canteen. In this desert-zone city, everyone’s clothes seemed harmonized no matter what color they wore.

“Senior Leon, what will you do on your days off?”

As a junior who had not yet left the spot called to me, I furrowed my brows and looked at his face. He was a young man of masculine facial traits, which was enviable to someone as baby-faced as me.

“Hey, Sir.”

A rarity amongst the members of our unit, the man had not been born in Iustitia. If I wasn’t mistaken, he was a rich kid who had been born in a southern country and entered Shaher through connections with the foundation executives.

Getting a job at the Shaher Observatory was a daunting task even for those who had studied astronomy. It was hard to make it without learning in a good environment from an early age. Since Iustitia, the capital of stargazing, was the best place to study in, it was natural that the ones hired were mostly the locals.

——Well, this guy had connections, so this has nothing to do with him.

I pondered an answer. “Nothing in particular.” For the time being, I decided to be cold, acting as nonchalant as ever.

And this was also the same as always, but the junior took no offense in my crude response – rather, he laughed at me, looking happy. “Then that means you’ve got no plans. I was thinking of going home. If you’d like, how about we go together? We have a villa by the lake... If I go now, the schedule will allow my family to join in.”

“No, why do I—”

“Last time we had a break, I told my little sisters about your cool adventure story and they wouldn’t shut up about how much they wanted to meet you. Hey, hey, how about it?”

I was baffled. I had no idea what was good about me to this junior but he would oddly flock to me. The reason why I hadn’t told him about my plans right away was that I felt he would follow me if I did so. Honestly, he was a bother. Up to now, we had acted as a group. I wanted to be alone even if a second sooner.

“I’m not going.”

“No way... My family’s all pretty boys and girls! Sir, you like beautiful things, don’t you?”

“Do they look like you?”

“They do.”

“Then they might be pretty, but won’t be my type.”

“Sir! You’re horrible!”

“So loud. If your family’s waiting for you, hurry and go.”

While I gestured with my hand as if shooing a dog, the junior made a puppy-like sad face. Even though he had a big body, he was amicable and his display of emotions was richer than most people, making him look all the more like a dog.

“Then, if you ever feel like coming to see me during your break...”

“I won’t.”

“...could you contact a hotel called Varona in Leidenschaftlich?”

“I won... uh?”

“It’s a first-class accommodation establishment. It’s under my uncle’s administration, so you can get a stay there immediately, and I can pick you up as soon as you give me my name. Oh, you’re making an interested face, huh? Want to come with me right now?”

What piqued my interest was the word “Leidenschaftlich” – that was all.

——That’s where the CH Postal Company is.

And it was also where my first love worked at.

“You were from Leidenschaftlich...?”

“That’s right. I did say it in my self-introduction when I joined the department.”

“Well, I don’t listen to people I have no interest in...”

As expected, my junior gave a happy-looking smile with his whole face. “Sir, I like that you’re equally unfriendly to everyone. People only got close to me because of my title... and my family’s social standing... but Sir, you’re cold, and that feels nice.”

“Your suffocating actions are a pain in the ass to me. Besides, hum...”

“What is it, Sir?”

“Hum, say... is the CH Postal Company well-known?”

“Do you know Violet Evergarden?” – the reason why I couldn’t ask this was a literal embodiment of how much I lacked guts, I thought.

With an “aah”, my junior immediately made a face like the name rang a bell. “I know them. It’s the company of that businessman, Claudia Hodgins, right? They’re popular. Shocking that the name of a company would come from you.”

“I’m an adult, after all. I’d know the name of one or two renowned businesses at least.”

“That’s a lie, ain’t it? I already know you don’t have interest in anything but stars. Erm... if I’m not wrong, all the postal companies of Leiden got sucked into it. They also succeeded in company split-ups. Their president is a celebrity too. The newspaper series where he talks to other entrepreneurs is a trend... It got adapted into a book just recently. There’s a chapter in the extra edition where he talks to his secretary and the president of an affiliated company, and it’s so fun. The book’s in my room at the headquarters, so you can take it with you and read it all you want.”

“Is there nothing about business in that book? Like, about the Auto-Memories Doll field... Hum, according to my research, there should be a rather famous Auto-Memories Doll in it... Don’t know if she’s still there, though.”

I timidly attempted to ask, yet it seemed my junior didn’t know the details. That was expected. The number of people who could hire Auto-Memories Dolls was limited, so hardly anybody would know even the name of a famed Doll unless it was someone marginally acquainted with them.

“I wonder. I do sorta know that they apparently have one real beauty of a Doll. But I also have a good-looking face... so I don’t yield to beauties from here and there.”

“Got it. Thanks for the info. And for the nice conversation. Go home.”

“Sir...! If you get bored of being alone, please remember me!”

Leaving behind my clingy junior, I took off from that place. I strutted with a hand in my pocket.

My junior wasn’t a bad guy. He had a high-handed personality but fit into the category of good person. He must have talked to me like that because he knew about my background as an orphan who had lost his parents and got a job at the astronomical observatory by way of assistance from Shaher. Meaning he was worried about his senior, who would be spending his vacation alone with no lover or family. The reason why he had invited me to a house where his family would be was probably that he was exposing his intentions in his own way.

——But to hell with that.

I wanted to be alone. To say that the people who thought I was pitiful were the actual pitiful ones was my essence. I had always enjoyed watching the stars by myself anyway, and I enjoyed books about stars too. Book reading wasn’t meant to be done with two people, right? I liked being alone. This was also because I had lived a life of accepting solitude for a long time, but if anything, it was harder for me to settle down when I was in someone’s company.

When I turned the street corner and confirmed that he finally wasn’t following me anymore, I let out a relieved sigh.

——Alone at last. Time and space just for me.

The times when I was by myself like this were the ones I felt most comfortable in, and while I did have some things to reflect upon in that regard, unfortunately, I didn’t have a family to pester me about having children, unlike the rest of society. Because I was alone.

——I get that it isn’t a good thing.

There were things that you couldn’t get used to or change, despite understanding why you should. I was equal parts as obstinate as I felt inferior to those who had families. Only one person had ever made me want to be with her for a little longer when I was in her company.

——Only one.

Our circumstances were similar and we were also alike in that we were burdened with loneliness, but it wasn’t as if I liked her because of the similarity. It was because she seemed like she would be all right even if she were on her own, so I had wished to stay by her side. To get close to her. I “liked” her in that way. It wasn’t as if I wanted her to do something for me. I was the one who wanted to do something for her. It was that kind of “like”.

It had happened a long time ago.

After we had spent a little time together, she left. When we were bidding our farewells, I stopped her and confessed.

“Violet.”

I told her I was in love with her. I didn’t ask her, “I like you, so what do you wanna do?” – I simply told her I liked her.

“I’m... I’m... in the codex department now, but... I actually wanted to be in the literature collecting department like my father.”

She gave me this answer: the way that she cherished me was different.

“I had my hopes up that maybe my mother would come home one day if I waited here, bringing my father back with her... so I kept shutting myself in until this age, without ever stepping off into the outside world. That was possible in this place and I wanted it myself. But... just now...”

But if we ever happened to meet again, she wanted to spend time with me.

“I’ve just made up my mind. I’ll go around the world like you.”

In that moment, the woman who had said that she couldn’t feel emotions...

“I might face danger. I might lose my life without anyone ever finding my body, just like my parents. But—But that’s okay. I’m thinking of choosing that path.”

...smiled at me like a normal girl, looking happy, and told me something.

“If I do that, I’m sure we might get to meet someday, somewhere, under a starry sky. We’re both gypsies. And if that happens, will you...”

——...watch the stars with me again?

“Yes, Master.”

She told me that. She said it. This alone was already enough for me. This alone gave me the courage to come out of the world that I had been secluding myself in. Even if my love wasn’t requited, even if we never saw each other again, I was so happy.

She.

Violet.

Violet Evergarden.

Just that – just the fact that she had promised to watch the stars with me – had made me happy to the point of changing my life.

I kept making transfer requests ever since that day, finally earned approval and ventured myself into the outside world. The world other than Iustitia that I saw for the first time was bustling with a dizzying variety of things, which made me regret secluding myself. But surely, if I hadn’t met her, I would have taken a lot longer to go outside. No, I might have never left that bird cage to begin with.

That environment where I was allowed to wallow was terribly indulgent. After all, everyone was awfully nice to me for not being able to stand up, just because I was sad.

I didn’t simply think that I would definitely get to see her at least once. The probability of an astronomer and an Auto-Memories Doll, who had spent time together at work, meeting even once was surely the same as the meteor we had seen that day – once every two hundred years.

I was being ridiculous. If I really wanted to see her, I should just go visit her postal company in Leiden. The reason why I didn’t do it was that I was scared. That maybe her words were just out of friendliness, and that, if we did meet, she wouldn’t even remember me and I would be rejected. On top of being terrified of this, I also had a dream.

That if we ever happened to reunite, I wanted us to meet again truly by coincidence, under a starry sky.

If something like that really were to happen, just what would I do? Would I smile? Cry? Or ask for her love again?

I nodded at a passerby who had almost collided with me and started walking again. I had no particular destination. I could also go back to the headquarters just like this and be an idle bookworm in my own room, but going sightseeing around this city for at least a little bit was also good.

——I won’t get to see Violet if I stay in that place.

I had no free time to spend money, so I could afford the luxury of staying at a remotely nice hotel. Having made up my mind, I went into the main street and began looking for accommodation in the desert capital.

   Local idioms were honestly my weak point. Even though it was a common language, it was hard to catch because of the many dialects. When I talked to elders, I was done for.

However, I could perfectly understand that the inn’s owner, an old gentleman, had treated me like a “young lady”. Of course, I told him he was mistaken, but he didn’t hear it. He led me to my room with a hand around my hips.

The room was quite a high-class one, so I let it slide. If it were my old self, I would have been as furious as a raging fire. But I had grown up. By holding back my anger, I would manage to spend the night in a proper bed, where it didn’t seem like bugs would show up, so becoming an adult was for the best. Even if my self-respect decreased a little.

While I was chilling in the room and writing my diary, the sun went down in a blink of eye and it was getting late into the evening.

   “Heave-ho.”

It was the dead of night. I put on warm clothes and prepared myself to go out.

I wanted to observe the desert’s starry sky at my own leisure. As our activities had been limited to daytime ever since we had arrived here, I was now finally getting to do the things that I actually felt like doing. I had watched it together with everyone else from the windows of the cheap inn that the literature collecting department’s personnel had stayed at, but as expected, I wanted to see it from a spacious place with no noise or anything of the sort. As a scholar born in the so-called “capital of stargazing”, I obviously was going to have my fill of the desert’s night sky.

Unable to contain my feelings of excitement, I left the room after my lips relaxed a bit. For the heck of it, I greeted the innkeeper and told him I was going to see the stars. When I did so, he made a worried-looking face.

Apparently, women were forbidden of wandering outside at night in these lands. He couldn’t stop me from going out since I wasn’t a local, but warned me not to get too close to men. It wasn’t as if there were many ruffians among the people who walked around at night, but simply that this city had this kind of culture, so if the men suddenly spotted a woman, they might think badly of it. I had grown up in a men’s dormitory watching a bunch of idiots, so I understood what he was trying to say.

I showed him the retractable cane I was holding, and while I was at it, I also demonstrated with one swing that a blade came out from the tip as well. It was not for killing anyone, but it sufficed for making the other party recoil and holding them back.

Receiving the innkeeper’s applause from behind, I ventured myself outside.

The temperature gaps between nighttime and daytime was extreme in the desert. Having been raised in a mountaintop astronomical observatory, I was used to areas where there was a discrepancy in temperatures between day and night, but even then, I could bring myself to deem it as comfortable due to differences in humidity. The instant I stepped outside, I shuddered with a “brr”.

However, I forgot the cold as soon as I saw the sight spreading overhead. Surely, God must have dropped His jewel box. The starry sky unfolded in a way that made even someone like me come up with such a poetic saying.

Due to the fact that it was nighttime, there were few people out, but it wasn’t as if nobody was wandering about the city. Just as the innkeeper had said, it seemed that someone with a womanly appearance (I wasn’t a woman at all, though) walking around did catch people’s eyes, as they called to me countless times. I put myself on guard in each of those instances, and everyone withdrew with the same caution as the innkeeper.

Not letting the women walk around late at night was also meant for protecting them.

I had heard that there was a place for stargazing aimed at tourists somewhere a little far from the city, so I headed there, for safety as well. Several tents were erected around the sparse green area. In addition to privately built tents, there were also merchant tents selling drinks and food.

After looking through the signboards with the prices of the alcohol and warm soups that people of this region consumed and were familiar with, I picked the alcohol. I was an adult now and on vacation, so I told myself that it was okay to drink today and gave myself permission.

I went for a cloudy-colored alcoholic drink simmered in a large pot called the witch’s cauldron. It was warm and sweet, with a slightly spicy aftertaste. It warmed your body when you drank it and was the best delicacy to savor in cold weather.

Some people invited me to enter their tents, but I refused and steadily began setting up by arranging the astronomical observation tools that I had prepared. I assembled a demountable astronomical telescope over the sheets.

Even though this was said to be a place for stargazing, not everyone seemed to be astronomy freaks like in Iustitia – most of them were lying on the ground, enjoying a conversation with their companions while relishing in the jewels of the night. Everyone other than myself had simple handheld telescopes, so a few locals started appearing fussily around me, looking greatly interested. If anything, there weren’t just tourists.

A young father who had a child with him shyly came to ask me, “How much is it for you to let us take a look?” Apparently, he had mistaken me for a merchant.

“I don’t take money for it. It’s something for me to enjoy myself.”

The young parent made a bewildered face at my blunt reply, but nervously stepped in front of the kid and said, “It’s okay even if it’s just for a little bit, couldn’t you let this child take a peek?”

“Sure, it’s fine.”

He was also surprised at my ready consent. As he asked one more time if I really wasn’t going to charge for it, I declared that I wasn’t, swearing by this land’s god.

I beckoned the child. Our heights didn’t match since he was too small, so I lifted him by the hips.

“Can you see them?”

“Just a tad higher.”

“This much?”

“Amaziiing.”

At the child’s delighted look, the father and I locked eyes with each other and laughed. Then, other people who had been surrounding us at a distance came over one after another, asking me to let them see next. Whenever I said that I wasn’t charging any fee, they would ask me back, “Are you a saint or what?”.

In a land where you could see such beautiful stars, astronomical telescopes weren’t wild-spread among locals, enjoyed only by tourists and outsiders. That was probably the case. For them, this was an expensive item brought by outsiders. The stars were beautiful enough at naked eye, so if I had to say it, telescopes weren’t necessary. But if there was something that would help them see better, there would obviously be people saying that they want to take a look.

——Guess I’m gonna contact Shaher’s donors and indicate this place as a potential donation site.

If this pleased so many people, maybe it would be nice to have a telescope that everyone could look into, just as there were benches where everyone could sit on along the streets. I liked stars, so it made me happy even if just one more person fell in love with them.

“Having fun?”

“We are! You’re so generous!”

The figure of an elderly man much older than myself smiling like a boy, looking extremely happy, struck home pretty hard. It wasn’t like I wanted to hang out with anyone or that I had a preference for getting along with everybody. That wasn’t the case at all.

“This thing’s pricey, ain’t it? You okay with people touchin’ it without a care?”

“It’s not made for decoration; it’s something to look at.”

But these kinds of moments were nice.

——Very nice.

If these once-in-a-lifetime encounters would increase the proportion of stargazing in someone’s life, nothing could make me happier.

——When I get old, I guess I’m gonna run a rent-a-telescope or something like that somewhere.

I decided to take a few steps back and let everyone enjoy themselves.

This sensation that the joy of the surroundings was becoming more and more contagious. This feeling that people were gathering there only out of curiosity and adventurous spirit, not for profit. It didn’t seem fitting of my usual self, but something like this was also conceivable every once in a while.

With nothing to do, I naturally started looking around. Wonderful night, wonderful atmosphere.

The figure of someone standing still amongst it all entered my field of vision even without me wanting to. Everyone else had a companion.

The person was clad in dola like me and had a veil covering her face. From her physique, I could somehow presume that she was probably a woman.

Hoping that no weirdos would go talk to her, I worried about and kept watch over the woman, just like people had done for me. If she got caught up by anybody, should I intervene?

I used to hate women, yet here I was, concerning myself with one. I might have a misconstrued sense of justice, but I at least had to care.

I was just looking at her for a little while simply for that reason, but the instant that the wind blew strongly, all of my nerves became her captive. Her veil came off. It came off just slightly and I could see her face.

Her golden hair fluttered leniently. Her shapely profile was exposed under the starry sky. This beauty that could be discerned even in the nightly darkness was breathtaking.

It was really just a few seconds’ time and she immediately fixed the veil back on tight, but I had already seen her, so I knew. I knew.

I knew who that was.

Distancing myself from the telescope, I walked unsteadily towards her. Like winged bugs that gathered up to light.

This person literally shone like a lantern in my life. It was fire that wouldn’t disappear, no matter how much time passed. Time only strengthened the flame’s vigor.

That was why, aah, I... I...

“Violet Evergarden... is that you?”

That was why I called to her at that moment, with a shrill voice. As she looked at me, her eyes slowly crinkled, the corners of her lips went up and she smiled at me.

I felt like tearing up at that.

“It has been a while, Master.”

I had dreamed of this.

“Is it really you?”

I had dreamed of this day.

“Yes, Master.”

Always had been.

“Stupid, I’m not your master anymore... I have a name too... You’ve probably forgotten about it, but I... My name is...”

I had dreamed of this day and had always been thinking about what to say if we ever got to meet again.

“Mr. Leon Stephanotis. Is ‘Mr. Leon’ all right?”

If it were under a starry sky with not a single cloud, we could talk about its bare beauty. If it were on a rainy day, we could discuss the mythology related to the constellations.

“Did I mistake it? I have confidence in my memorization skills, but...”

If it were on a night where a once-in-every-two-centuries meteor were to pass by, we could share stories of the past in which we had observed the sky together.

“No... you got it right. You got it... Just ‘Leon’ is fine... Violet, the time you spent with me was so long ago, and yet, you sure... managed to...”

I had dreamed of this. You had no idea, did you, Violet Evergarden?

“You sure managed to remember.”

You were my first love. The first person I fell for. That day was the first time I confessed to someone.

“Leon, do you recall the promise we made?”

I opened the door to courage. I opened it thinking it would be okay even if I got hurt. But instead of hurting me, you accepted it. You broke my love to pieces, but still acknowledged it.

“Yeah.”

I had dreamed of this. Of this moment. You didn’t have to remember it. You could have forgotten what you had said to me. But if nothing else, I wanted to have one more look at you before I died.

“Have you memorized...”

One more time.

“...the names of a few stars?”

I wanted to see you one more time.

Violet Evergarden. I – the sixteen-year-old Leon Stephanotis – was in love with you.

He was in love with you. So was my current self. Now that you were in front of me, I could tell as much, even if I didn’t want to.

The flame inside my chest was saying, “This woman is the one who started the fire.” It told me that you were the woman who burned me up. You had burned me, and you still were. You melted everything that I had locked up within ice. It told me that you were the woman of my fate.

Violet wordlessly nodded in agreement. She nodded like a child. She was happy that I remembered what she had told me – I could tell by the facial expression she was making.

——You used to be so expressionless and doll-like – who was it that changed you so much?

You weren’t a doll anymore now. More like a girl who had someone’s love. You didn’t look like anything but that in my eyes ever since you were with me, though. But now, surely you had someone. This someone had changed you to that point, right?

“Violet,” I said, suppressing the pain of my sweltering chest. “If you have some time, won’t you spend it with me?” I asked.

I was attempting to open the door to courage again. Regardless of what awaited me beyond it, even if I regretted opening it. I asked nevertheless.

You changed me. You made me who I was. You probably didn’t know that. You didn’t have to.

“Yes, by all means.”

And this beautiful woman in front of me, too.

“I had been waiting for a day to come when I inform you about the fruits of my studies.”

Surely, she had also been made by someone.

“Should we ever meet, I had wanted to report them to you, even if you did not remember.”

Envy, affection and attachment ran through my body.

“That is what I was thinking.”

My sixteen-year-old self was screaming. “I was in love with you. I was in love with you. I was in love with you. I’m in love with you. Even now, I still like you,” he shouted.

I no longer had any of the youth and recklessness of those days. However, regarding my love for her, the me from back when I confessed to her was still here.

“I’m sure what I’m gonna say now will trouble you. But would you listen?”

I was still here. That version of me was still inside me.

Violet Evergarden, you...

“You can laugh if you want; you see...”

...to me, you... a woman like you was...

“You were my first love.”

Violet Evergarden, you...

“I still like you. Forgive me.”

To me, you were a woman of the stars.