#i honestly started this blog as a joke bcs i was bored

[threefuckencrowsinaleatherjacket]

Had to stay true to my roots so…

Can we keep using “deny defend depose” as much as possible bc frankly I think that’s one of the hardest lines the assassin could have used. Elon posts on Twitter? Replies flooded with triple d. I think it should be everywhere. They’re scared. Keep it that way.

DENY DEFEND DEPOSE

[simpjaes]

HYPER-SEXUAL (s,jy)

If there’s anything in life that Jake wants, it’s to fuck. All day, every day, it’s on his mind. He fantasizes constantly, watches porn every free chance he gets, and ultimately has grown bored of his own hand to satiate his need. or the one where jake is inexperienced, incredibly perverted, and borderline addicted to sex but cannot, for the life of him, land a girl.

leave feedback and reblog to give jake another boner. 

minors do not interact. 

WORDCOUNT― 13.8k

PAIRING― jake sim x afab reader

CONTENT― smut, inexperienced but pervy and dominant jake, he kind of has an addiction to jerking off, im not joking like he has a boner every twenty minutes it’s probably a medical issue but, reader is really sex positive and lets jake go absolutely insane on her

NOTE― not proof read in the way it needed to be.  disclaimer: this is straight up just porn. it had a plot at one point but i deleted all of it and wrote this instead. also this is posted on my other blog [@ncteez] for mark lee. yes, i wrote it for both of them bc they both fit the shoe ok? ok.

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags― jake isn’t submissive– just a loser, loads of masturbation, also loads of loads lmfao, jake’s dick is 8 inches in this one, public humiliation, dirty talk, teasing, pussy eating / face sitting, mentions of free use, unprotected sex, wayyyy way too much cum, raw grinding, attempts at deep throat, accidental face fucking, finger fucking, suffocation, riding, squirting, implications to the fact that orgasms are not the end of the fic bc they just keep going, some say they’re still fucking to this day. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Feels so good! Harder! Fuck m-” 

Jake slams his laptop shut in an exasperated sigh. Frustrated, annoyed, fucking horny. 

Always horny. To the point that nothing excites him anymore. Not his hard-on being palmed at by his own hand, not the make-shift pocket pussy he’s made out of household objects, not the porn on page one or on page seventy-three. 

Honestly, even as hard as he is now, it’s arguable that he could just start punching his cock and he’d still remain in this state until something changes. And you know what sucks more than not being able to get off? Being hard so constantly that it’s just a state of living at this point. 

It’s sad. He could be washing caked ketchup off of a plate and his cock would still lend a little jump. A reminder that his hand is no longer enough. A fucking threat that if he doesn’t sink into a pretty hole soon, he might as well just kill himself. 

The idea doesn’t seem too bad anymore, as he lays flat on his back with his cock in hand on his messy sheets. He stares up at the ceiling with another long-winded groan, wondering why he has to have such an insatiable libido and probably twice as much stamina. If he could just get off he’d have at least a little bit of time in his day to feel normal before it takes hold of his brain again. 

It’s the fact that he’s grown entirely numb to his own hand and feels like he’s going crazy because he hasn’t been able to hook-up with anyone in nearly a year. Porn is boring, he swears he’s seen just about all of the good, bad, and bizarre. Post nut clarity barely exists because there is no clarity by the time he finally gets that hard-to-reach nut. Bad luck, maybe. Awful fucking miserable luck? That’s more fitting. 

For the sake of the girls in this city, perhaps it’s good that he can’t manage to land a hook-up. Surely they’d be unable to walk by the time he gets his fill, that is if he manages to get a fill at all. And it’s gotten to the point that Jake has almost entirely given up on finding a girl at all. One that’s willing to put up with his near-constant need to get his dick wet, anyway. 

Almost given up.

A thought crosses his mind as he lazily palms himself with a bored sigh, knowing he’ll end up locked up in an asylum somewhere if this doesn’t stop. The voice of Jay in his head doing little to make his cock soften, which is…not something Jake is proud to admit.

“Dude, you gotta put a stop to this shit. This is your third laptop this year!” Jay had said to him. “It’s only June!”

Maybe Jay was right, and maybe Jake should have downloaded the new app that was mentioned shortly after the scolding rather than immediately going to another, even more, shady porn site. “Heard this one was really good.” Jay had advertised. “Even got Jungwon laid.” 

Well, maybe it wouldn't hurt to try another app despite the immense amount of failure Jake has already faced regarding previous attempts with other platforms. After all, if it got Jungwon laid, surely it could get him laid too. 

Maybe this one really is better.

And at the end of the day, Jake does download the app. After all, creating a profile is easy, finding a girl though? 

We’ll see.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Ah. Okay. Nice.

Jake stays glued to his phone all night. He really had no hope that this app would offer him anything more than what the others did. But, oh. 

The app allows specific features, most of which are not aimed towards users looking for a relationship. Dick and body sizes are out in the open, there’s sections you can fill out regarding what you’re looking for in a sexual partner, how often you’re willing to see said partner, and if you’re looking for a regular fuck or a one time fuck. 

Safe to say, Jake’s profile went a little something like this: 

you can call me jake, im 24. just looking for a girl either for regular visits or a one night stand that’s willing to deal with a guy who literally suffers from chronic-boner syndrome.

LOOKING FOR: Female PREFERENCE: One Time Only, Occasional Meetups, On-call, Regular meetups, Permanent Friends-With-Benefits, Secret Meet, Virtual Meet, Audio Meet, Rebound C…[Click to see more] PARTNER REQUIREMENTS: N/A SIZE REFERENCE: 8 ½” hard, 4” soft, 5.6” circumference SEXUAL INTERESTS: Vanilla, Free Use, BDSM, Begging, Breeding, Dom/Sub, Dominatrix, CBT, Role Play, Public Humiliation, Edging, Spanking, Dirty Talk, Phone Sex, Virtual Sex, Group Sex, Humiliation, Cock Play, Cum Dump, Religion, Raw, Multiple Orgasms, Androgyny, Genital Piercings, Older Women, Body Art, Wax, Anal, Financial Domina...[Click to see more]

NOT INTERESTED IN: Cuckolding, Voyeurism OTHER: im not very experienced in most of these, i just watch a lot of porn

Embarrassing? Yeah, probably. 

Looks like a lot of women are into that though if his inbox is anything to go by, anyway. With him checking the app every few minutes to find ten new messages? Yeah, they’re feeling him. 

He can only imagine what the fuck Jungwon had on his profile to actually land a hook-up. Couldn’t have been any worse than his own, after all, Jake is desperate and so was Jungwon at one point. 

Apparently girls like desperate guys. 

Message after message, degrading comments and praise, all from either women clad in leather or sweet looking church girls who must have the app hidden deep within their phones. There’s barely anyone in between those two categories, actually. 

“Hi baby boy, you looking for a sugar mama?” 

“ur dick really that big? lol, what do you even mean by ‘chronic boner syndrome’?” 

“you’re so desperate to get laid, might as well just doxx yourself at this point…please.”

Arguably, these women are very forward and he has a great time sifting through the ones he’s interested in. Scrolling through all of these messages….does not help his case regarding his insatiable need to fuck something either so, naturally, he’s also 100% jerking off the entire time he’s doing this.

Still, never quite able to reach the orgasm he needs by this point.

Up until there’s a message that catches his attention. No degrading, no insults, no borderline-too-kinky insinuations. Which, given, Jake probably shouldn’t have selected the majority of the kinks just to pull more girls, but he did. 

And upon reading the message, he almost doesn’t know if this girl is real. 

“High libido, no girls around to help you out, I take it? Rough.”

One look at her profile spikes even more interest. Her sexual interests include a list of things he wishes he didn’t fit. But he does, though he’d never admit it. Inexperienced men, losers, virgins, micro-penis, big penis, praise (receiving), body worship–

Oh.

Fuck yeah.

He responds quickly, already feeling the orgasm within him bubble up as he tries to pretend he doesn’t go on a war path of responding to everyone after you, but still. Your message box with him remains in his mind as he awaits the response to his message of “you looking to help me out?” 

Every ping on his phone afterwards makes his cock twitch more, makes it dribble out little beads of pre-cum with each pass of his palm, only for him to sigh out of frustration that it’s just another person that wants to devour him whole. Which, he’ll take what he can get if his first choice never responds but still. He wants to get off to you.

He finds himself on your profile more often than anyone else’s too, looking at the same three photos you’ve posted, noting how you don’t seem super active on the app, but active enough to find him by some beautiful grace of God. 

You’re kind of perfect, honestly. Fairly mundane compared to most of the women in his inbox, but cool nonetheless. He can tell you have an eye for fashion but it seems to be more geared towards your real life self rather than the secret fetish/kink app you’ve got downloaded.

And that’s the thing. Most of these women, beautiful or not, are dressed in their best sexual attire just to message a possible fuck, while during their daily lives they probably wear conservative dresses and pant suits. Which….arguably that’s kind of hot. Then again, what isn’t hot to him these days?

You though. You have normal pictures posted just like he does. Your tits aren’t out, your legs aren’t open, you don’t have a pile of sex toys behind or beside you and yet still your pictures turn him on more than those who do. Insane how his cock twitches at just these three photos, fucking insane how he grows a near instant obsessed thinking about how you…uh, deal with the losers you seem to be looking for.  

Then again, maybe it’s the mystery of what’s under your clothes, or what’s in your stash of sex toys. Oh, whatever you’re hiding has got be so fucking hot. Naturally, he groans at the amount of sexuality you barely give. Thinking far, far too hard about it all, given the circumstances. 

Don’t get him wrong, he can get down with the hoes. In fact, he very much wants to get down with a hoe. But man, the way you stand out because you’re somehow….boring compared to everyone else?

Please.

Fucking pretty please, let him in between those thighs. 

And just as he scrolls again through your photos, that long-awaited orgasm hits him like a brick.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

A mere two days later you find yourself in the inbox with the self-proclaimed boner-god. He’s since proven his size with photos involving different objects beside said penis, and even a video or two of his frantic hands jerking off to you. 

Ah, he’s kind of perfect if you think about it. At first you thought that it was just roleplay for him or something. Where he plays a guy who can’t get enough, though he clearly probably does. It wasn’t until you were woken up at four in the morning with him spamming your inbox that you suddenly realized this dude is actually as desperate as he seems. 

Normally, being spammed awake by your phone pinging consistently would bother you. But goddamn was he needing it. Just three hours before now it was mostly casual conversation with him, albeit about hooking-up, but still. The two of you agreed to determine on the following day if you were compatible enough for a meet up. He said goodnight to you, and you said it back. 

Then you woke up to three dick pics, one voice note with a borderline pathetic apology (only because you could still hear him going at it), and then like fourteen messages of him trying to wake you up intentionally. 

JAKE_02 sent you a message: You awake?

Dick pic #1. 

JAKE_02 sent you a message: You’re so pretty, sorry lol

Dick pic #2 

JAKE_02 sent you a message:  Wake uppppppppppp! 

JAKE_02 sent you a message:  Please? :(

Dick pic #3, precum smeared across his fingers as he grips it. 

JAKE_02 sent you a message:  Do you already have me silenced?

JAKE_02 sent you a message: I’d let you silence me hahaha….

JAKE_02 sent you a voice memo: “Sorry about all this, I really meant it when I said I have a problem. You should probably just block me because I’m going to end up begging to see you otherwise”

Oh, he has an accent. 

JAKE_02 sent you a message: your profile says you like inexperience…..well i’ve only slept with like 3 girls, is that inexperienced enough?

JAKE_02 sent you a message: do you like to tease guys like that? like edge them and stuff? 

JAKE_02 sent you a message: oh damn, that’d be so hot 

JAKE_02 sent you a message: do you like it when guys beg btw? 

Etcetera. 

And, well, apparently he just has a lot to say. It’s cute how embarrassed he must feel basically getting himself off with a one-sided sext session with you as you were sleeping. At least, you hope he’s embarrassed. 

You let his messages simmer for a while, waiting to see if he sends anything else. And when he doesn’t, you respond. 

YOURUSERNAME: that was cute. 

It’s the way he’s instantly trying to respond that really gets you going. You chuckle first, knowing already that you’d probably help him out based on this situation alone. 

YOURUSERNAME: trying to wake me up because you can’t stop touching yourself? :( poor baby. 

JAKE_02: oh god please don’t say that

JAKE_02: im gonna end up awake all night trying to get it to go down again

YOURUSERNAME: that’s good to hear. so you can go for a long time then? 

Yes, you’re teasing him. 

JAKE_02: if you’d let me

YOURUSERNAME: you already got off tonight tho, didn’t you?

JAKE_02: i don’t think you understand just how bad it is. i’m already getting my dick out again

You lend yourself a sly chuckle after a deep yawn, knowing for a fact that you’re about to make him prove to you that he’s either still hard or really did get off only to get hard again by a mere few messages from you. 

YOURUSERNAME: show me?

And he does. Similar to the other three photos, only this time he sends a short video with his shorts pushed down his thighs and his cock raging hard and pathetic against his stomach. Again, he’s big, that much is true, but the fact that such a dick is always ready to fuck? To the point he’s desperate? To the point he’s embarrassing about it?

YOURUSERNAME: how bad do you wanna bury that in me?

Oh, shit. Jake could fucking die right now. You seem so willing, which is truly what he needs at this point in his sexual sickness.  

JAKE_02: i’ll come over right now. 

JAKE_02: let me come over and show you

YOURUSERNAME: let’s wait a bit for that, gotta meet officially before I let you fuck me

And you do intend to make him wait, knowing for a fact that you’re not meeting this guy tonight. There’s too much danger in that. Given how desperate he actually is, you can argue that if you changed your mind upon meeting, he very well may not care. Which, that’s something you need to worry about with any person you meet on such an app, but still.

Public meeting first. 

Always.

JAKE_02: right, right, that makes sense. 

JAKE_02: so can i see your pussy then

You stifle a laugh as if the man can hear you, he’d probably like that though. But yeah, no. As much as you know he’d enjoy that, it’s best to let him experience it for the first time in real life if all of this goes well. So, you settle with tits. 

Meaning, he has to settle with them too. 

And the photo is all but enough for Jake. The ping of his phone was far too exciting with the flash of the image sinking into his eyes. Sure, he wanted to see your hole open for him, he wanted to see your pretty hands spreading your lips for the picture, he wanted to see what he might get to fuck into someday– but…

This is good enough for him, honestly. Seeing your tits alone is hot enough, but it’s the fact that you only barely let him see. The plush skin of your lower breasts are peeking from under the shirt you're wearing, one nipple barely out, the other completely hidden. 

He moans out at it, holding his cock tight and painfully as he glares into the screen of his phone. God, he can almost taste it. 

JAKE_02: thats so hot…but….

JAKE_02: pussy….

JAKE_02: please show me your pussy

Another chuckle at how desperate he really is. You lower your phone just a bit, not at all intending to show him all of it but you do lend a panty shot with your legs spread. He’ll live with it, he doesn’t have a choice. 

And he does live with it because he cums almost instantly upon seeing just your thighs open. He wouldn’t have been able to hit climax so quickly had you already had this photo posted for all to see. It’s the fact that you sent it to him in the dms. It’s the fact that you presumably just took it for him. It’s the fact that he can almost see the outline of your folds, and the lines of your pussy that deserves to fucked open. 

When he doesn’t respond immediately, you know it was enough for him. Already you’re preparing to roll back over and get some more sleep, but your phone dings again. 

JAKE_02: tht was hot lol….um

JAKE_02: can u come to the mall tomorrow? i work at [redacted store name], u can come see that im actually very normal if u want

You stop for a second through another yawn, thinking long and hard about it. You shrug to yourself because tomorrow is a saturday and there’s plenty of public spaces to meet him in. And despite how fun it could be to tease him for weeks on end before officially meeting him, you, yourself, have been in a dry-spell lately. 

And he fits your interests perfectly. In other words, yeah, you could fuck.

YOURUSERNAME: you sure you’re not gonna take me in the back and fuck me on the spot? 

JAKE_02: ….would u want me to? 

YOURUSERNAME: no, i wanna bring you home if i think you could make me feel good

JAKE_02: hahah damn

JAKE_02: so you’ll come see me?

YOURUSERNAME: yeah, i’ll come see you

JAKE_02: ok cool :)

And then it’s silent for a long while. In fact, you’re nearly asleep again when your phone pings one last time. All you need to see is the notification to know that meeting Jake is gonna be fun. 

JAKE_02 sent you a message: for the record…i definitely will fuck you good

Sounds promising. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You knew he was cute but holy shit, he’s like, cute cute.

Fucking handsome and charmingly cute. 

Perhaps even, hot. 

You stand from around a shelf to check him out. That same accent you’ve heard previously rings loud and clear in your head, and his hair is definitely a stylistic mess, the type of hair you can imagine grabbing and tugging to guide a tongue between your legs. His eyes are pretty and piercing yet equally as filled with some sort of wonder. His hands, his body.

 Oh wow. 

On any other day, you’d think he’s just some poser emo-guy working a shitty retail job so he can buy his first guitar and play it totally out of tune. But on this day, you’re aware that this is a man with a need that you very much wouldn’t mind satisfying. 

 Seeing him go about his work tasks behind the counter is another thing. Checking customers out both through the register and with his eyes when they walk away. You know he isn’t aware that you’ve actually shown up, and it feels nice to watch him in his element before he attempts to play himself up as a totally normal, cool dude. Especially now that you can see him secretly be a pervert on the clock. 

Customer after customer, he smiles at them when he hands them their items, he offers small talk and little chuckles that ring in your ears, and every single time one of the pretty ones walks away, his head turns to watch them leave for a few seconds too long.

Anyone can tell he needs it if they watch him for long enough. 

You’re not sure why this guy is getting to you the way he is, but there’s just something about the way that he carries himself in public that turns you on. You already know for a fact that he’s a horny motherfucker. You know that behind those charming smiles and laughs, he’s got a neglected cock needing to be used. 

No one else in this store is aware of it. You’re the only person here who knows he was spamming a stranger last night with dick pics and begging to see her pussy. 

It’s hot. 

And when you approach, Jake nearly doesn’t even know it’s you at first. 

“Hi, did you find everything you–” Jake stops mid sentence. “Oh, fuck. You’re here.”  He adds, trying to primp his hair into a spot that may look a little better than it did already.

You watch as he studies you for the first time, nervously darting his tongue out and against his bottom lip just for a split second before shifting his eyes behind you, and then turning to look around to see if anyone is within ear shot. 

No one is paying attention to either of you, and no one is going to hear what you’re about to say to him. Good.

“Do you wanna see my pussy?” 

It’s a joke, mostly. Kinda. 

You chuckle at his stunned reaction. His hands move to the counter as he clutches it and continuously looks around to make sure no one just heard those lewd ass words from a girl so goddamn hot. Like, oh god, it’s you. You really showed up to see him and already he’s not acting normal. 

No, no. You’re the one acting out of pocket, not him.

“I’m–” He tries to start, but his voice cracks in a very, very, embarrassing way. You hear him clear his throat before continuing. “I’m supposed to be showing you that I’m normal.” 

You tilt your head at him playfully, leaning against the counter and pushing your tits together with your arms. You wore this shirt here for a reason, and boy are you glad you did. You watch his eyes go straight to your chest and stay there. 

“Public Humiliation.” You echo one of his sexual interests to him from his app profile. “Dirty talk.”

Jake swallows around his words in stunned silence, feeling his cock wake up immediately. Fuck, this is the only place he finds peace of mind from…that. Yet here you are, with that soft and pretty voice reminding him of everything he wants but hasn’t been able to have. Standing there like you know he can’t bend you over right now and make you stop talking.

“Eight and a half inches hard.” You continue, leaning in even closer and moving your hand to the collar of your shirt. Tugging down just a little bit. “Five point six inch circumference.” 

Jake squeezes his eyes shut as he leans back with a sigh, pressing his hips against the counter for some sort of relief. To think the “boring” girl on the app wouldn’t be like this? God, he knew there had to be a catch considering you were on that app to find him in the first place. 

“Please–” He groans as his ears redden, lazily opening his eyes to look at your tits again. “Please don’t do this to me.” 

“I can imagine you’d fit it in me just right, wouldn’t you Jake?” You continue briefly, noting the bulge he blatantly presses against the counter. “Can you say ‘please’ again? It’s kinda hot.” 

“Please–” Jake blatantly groans now, his voice sounding hoarse and low. As much as he wants you to keep going, he’s at fucking work. He can’t be doing this. 

“Okay!” You gleefully agree as you switch up like you didn’t just fuck him up, lending him a bright and innocent smile as you lean back and away from him. “So you don’t want to see my pussy then?”

His relieved face falls right back into that of pained frustration as he narrows his eyes at you. 

“Right now?” He asks curiously, nodding his head without realizing it. Sure, he’s at work but like….your pussy is also at his work place right now.

“Yeah! Can you show me to the fitting room, actually?” You ask, louder this time in case anyone has moved around within ear-shot by now. Can’t make him lose his job, or whatever.

Jake swallows thickly with a nod, his eyes still narrowed at you but his mind racing a mile a minute at the fact that you’re really here right now, and this is what you’re doing to him? Enjoying his pain? Enjoying his suffering? Making it worse? 

Five minutes ago he was perfectly fine. You’re using his need against him and god, he loves it. Yeah, maybe he will take you to the back and try to fuck you at this point. Even if you said that you wouldn’t let him…what the fuck is this then? 

Really, he expected you to show up with an awkward hello and irritating small talk. He wanted to show you that he’s not always thinking about sex. Except he is, and it seems you want him to. You want him to think about fucking you. 

You really just walked into this establishment and asked him if he wants to see your pussy.

Of course he wants to see it. You already fucking know that. He wants to fuck it too, like, right now. 

And as he walks you to the fitting room, he has to try his damndest to adjust his growing cock. He nods to each customer as he walks by them, hands repeatedly going back to his lap to hide what he’s packing.

“Here it is.” Jake says in an unfocused voice, nearly staring a hole through you. “Now show me.” 

You dip your head in a smile, heading for the room and opening the curtain. Cheap ass store, really, most places have actual doors, but whatever. 

It’s easy to step inside and leave the curtain skewed a bit, knowing that Jake is hovering around the room, knowing that it’s probably protocol that an employee assist this space when it’s in use to prevent stealing and to prevent others from walking in on naked customers. 

You like the way you see him take peeks, trying to be discreet. You like the way he keeps his hands in front of his lap, hiding that you’ve definitely made him a mess of him already. You love the way he whispers a curse to himself when you sit against the bench in this small room and spread your legs wide open. 

You bet he loves the skirt you’re wearing for him today too. Though this wasn’t exactly planned or anything, you didn’t expect to be this turned on upon seeing him act as desperate as he sounds. You wore this shirt so he can look, and the skirt too…but looking this much wasn’t in your mind originally. 

He’s hot though. The way he needs it is hot. 

“Hurry up.” He groans, trying to make it seem like he’s frustrated but you know it’s just because he’s anxiously horny. 

And, well, you’re not actually gonna show him your pussy, but at this point you feel bad because he seems really stiff right now, almost robotic in the way he likely feels uncomfortably aroused in his least favorite place.  

“Jake,” You whisper-chuckle. “If you wanna see it, you’re gonna have to come in here and take my panties off of me.”

You hear him sigh, and see his eyes flick back to you through the small open space in the curtain. 

“You’re insane. I can’t come in there, I’ll lose my job.” He argues with a hushed tone, eyes fixated on the very panties he wishes he could remove. 

Even against his protests though, he reaches an arm in as he looks away. As if on extreme watch of other customers and employees roaming around. Probably pretending to grab a garment that doesn’t work for you, probably just doing normal, good-employee things. 

And, well, it’s pathetic really, the way he hopes for more. The way you offer more knowing he can’t get exactly what he wants. You actually feel a bit bad for doing this, especially because it wasn’t entirely in the plan. 

You really were just coming to meet him. It’s not your fault that watching him work turned you on solely because you know what he needs. So, you stand and walk towards the curtain, grabbing his arm and holding it in place. 

“Well–” You start, pressing yourself against the backside of his fingers, feeling him move his hand slightly against your clit. “Touch it then.”

He goes entirely silent but you feel the way he fumbles his hand, immediately grabbing your panties and moving them to the side just to really feel. And you let him, finding it somehow cuter in the way he doesn’t even ask. He does it like he needs to, like it’s instinctual to touch it. He feels for a second or two, probably closer to about five seconds before you step back. Really, it’s enough for him to know you’re wet, enough for him to suffer, enough for him to want more. 

Jake’s brain is on fire at it. Touching it before getting to see it? Goddamn, you’re so fucking mean.

And it’s silent for a few more moments after that as Jake keeps his hand in place, seemingly searching for a pussy just out of reach when you slide the fabric down your legs and place them directly into his hand. 

“When do you get off work?” You ask slyly now, ripping the curtain open and moving his hand for him, forcing him to shove your panties in his pocket. 

“Uh–” He stutters, swallowing again around his words before clearing his throat of the moan he really needs to let out right now. “Seven– I get off at seven.”

You nod with a smile, leaning in real close before patting his pocket. 

“I’ll text you my address.” 

And you leave without sparing him another glance, knowing that by the time his shift is over, he’ll probably pounce the second you open your door for him. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Jake suffers through the rest of his shift aggressively trying not to suck on his fingers. Fuck, he wants to taste you so bad, but to go as low as sucking the remnants for several hours just to hold him over? Truly, he’s at his wits end. 

Mostly because he absolutely does suck his fingers any chance he gets. Tapping his lips with them as he sees a customer off, licking against them discreetly, trying to make it look normal for him to have his fingers in his mouth so consistently. 

It’s not doing anything to hold him over though. 

He keeps glancing at the clock, and then at the message that reads your address. Just one more hour and he can leave. Just one more hour and he can bury his cock so deep into you that you’d never think twice about letting him do it again, and again, and again.

Oh god, really, he feels like he’s going insane as he checks out customer after customer. Every word they say somehow reminds him that he’s about to finally get laid again. 

“Can you wrap this up for me?” One customer said to him, nodding to a set of candles. 

Jake wishes you’d wrap him up in that pussy. 

“Do you have this in a bigger size?” Another customer had said to him as they held up a plush sweater. 

Jake doesn’t think you’d ever need a dick bigger than his. He’ll fill you up just right. 

“69.99?!” One customer argues. “The sign said it was 30% off!” 

Jake would sixty nine you all night long if you asked. He bets you taste sweet, you probably get really wet too. 

And by the end of the night, rain pounding on the roof, his last customer unfortunately has to hear a low groan leave his throat at their comments. He’s very quick to cover it with a cough. 

“Sorry for coming in right before you close, the rain is bad tonight and I forgot my umbrella, thank god you guys sell them! I didn’t mean to drip all over the floor like this, I hope you don’t have to stay late cleaning up my mess!” 

“I didn’t mean to drip all over your floor like this” Replays in his head, over and over again. God, he’d make you drip. He hopes you drip all over the floor for him. He’d get on his knees and lick it right up, god.

He needs to leave. Right now.

“S’all good,” Jake shakes his head after the initial moan and cough cover, trying to remain casual. “It’s my job to clean it up, after all.” He smiles, his brain stuck on the feeling of how wet you were when he touched you. Shiiiit. “Have a good night, stay dry!” 

And finally, Jake can close out his register and lock the doors. That, he does. Performing his end-of-night tasks at lightning speed with a cock throbbing so bad that he worries he might have to get off in his car before making it to your apartment. He genuinely needs to get off, especially knowing these pretty panties are in his pocket ready to be soaked in his cum. 

He doesn’t though, no. He holds off, thrusting his hips up and against the inseam of his pants with every passing second as he drives. He’s practically writhing by the time he gets to your place. Honestly, he moans with each movement because he’s sensitive. It’s so, so fucking sensitive. Everything feels good, he could genuinely cum the second you open your door if he’s not careful. 

Careful isn’t something Jake can be at this moment though, not when he lands a single knock at your door and you’re immediately opening it, looking at him with that same fucking evil smile you gave to him while he was at work. 

He looks at you and instantly lets out a frustrated moan before stepping in without another word. You feel his hands grab you much harsher than you originally thought he would, but you let him as you laugh out in a nervous chuckle. 

“Hello to you too.” You pat him on the back as his arms wrap around your middle. You hear him kick back against your door, slamming it shut before his lips hit your neck. 

He isn’t talking but goddamn you can hear what he needs to say through the way he presses his lips against you. He’s rough with it, kissing all across your exposed skin before slipping his hand right between your legs from the back as if he doesn’t have to chase anymore. 

You were going to jerk your hips back to make him chase, but his grip is too tight and he’s nearly lifting you off the floor entirely to get a feel. You were going to force him to look at you and the outfit you changed into for him, but again, he’s not having it, it seems.  He moans when he moves his lips up and against yours, hot breath desperate and needy as he finally speaks.

“Did it turn you on to torture me like that?” He nearly growls against your lips. “Got me so fucking hard.” 

You’re genuinely surprised with how he’s acting and talking. Then again, he’s desperate, that much is obvious if that monster bulge rubbing against your leg is anything to go by. Perhaps he may be desperate, but you guess that doesn’t always mean someone will end up submissive as a side effect. 

“It did.” You smile against his lips, pushing yourself forward to try and plant your feet back on the ground, chasing the ability to gain control over him. “Did you like that?”

Jake nods before shaking his head, allowing you to push forward, loving the way your hands reach for him and run through his hair before tugging. He did like what you did, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was fucking torture to stand there at work like he wasn’t losing his mind. 

“I’d like it more if we skip all the bullshit,” He starts, hand still attempting to reach the spot between your legs and lips landing at the corner of your mouth. “Could go all night.”

You nod to him, gripping his shirt and pulling him back to your living room couch and spinning him around, only to shove him back. 

“Is that a promise?” You ask, looking at the lazy way he spreads his own legs and rests his head against your couch cushions, eyes staring straight at you and cock twitching in his pants. “You gonna fuck me all night?”

“Yeah–” He breathes as if he’s in disbelief, hand reaching between his legs just to grab himself and squeeze as his eyes trail your body. “You have no idea how bad I need this.”

“Show me then,” You nod your head to his length that’s hidden under his pants. “Let me watch you first.”

Jake groans, rolling his eyes back both out of frustration and arousal, but he does as you say. His palm feels better with you watching, at least. He doesn’t feel so numb to the pleasure with you promising your body to him, at least. He doesn’t mind proving his size to you by shoving his pants down to his thighs and presenting said neglected cock to you either. 

It’s heavy, dark in color due to the blood that’s likely rushing throughout every inch of it. He feels sensitive to even the air in your living room as he twitches and aches to hear you talk again, to see you in front of him watching how he pleasures himself, wishing his hand is yours. 

“You wanna watch?” He says in a low-rumbled voice, tracing his fingers along the head of his cock and seething out a breath through his now, bitten bottom lip. “Wanna know how tight I want you to feel?” He asks now, bold and in the heat of the moment. You watch him when he squeezes the base of his cock tightly, you can almost feel yourself choke at that alone. 

“How wet you need to be to take it?” He continues, dragging his hand back and licking his palm before spitting into it. 

The wetness against his hand is horrifyingly pornographic. So wet when he reaches back down to his length, allowing you to hear it squelch and slip with ease. His breath is hitched while he does it too, which nearly has you seeing him in tunnel vision.

“Yeah…” You tune into him entirely, swallowing around the lump in your throat and feeling yourself drip already. “I can’t imagine how good–” You cut yourself short to moan at the way his other hand holds his pants down while he jerks his hand up faster and faster. “Oh god, you’re–”

“Wanna see how fast I can cum just looking at you?” He continues, hand only moving faster and faster as his grip tightens more, shamelessly grunting proudly over how he could probably cum now if he wanted to. “I told you, I can go all night.”

You pause, because goddamn. You thought he would be embarrassing, pathetic, needy. You thought he would beg, plead, and cry. But…you feel like you’re the one who needs to do that. God, you’ve never seen a man so desperate to fuck yet be so powerful about it. As if he’s in your face whispering, “You’re gonna let me fuck you, right? You’re gonna love it too, right? You’re gonna let me use you to take care of this little problem of mine, right? It’s what you want, right?”

If he were to say those things to you right now, you’d nod without a doubt. But…he doesn’t. He simply looks at you now, heaving out broken moans that sound too sexy to be considered pathetic. His hips chase each movement of his hand and goddamn does he fuck his fist hard.

Your mind is spinning watching him, knowing that he’s probably going to fuck you twice as hard as he fucks himself. And it’s not surprising to you at least that you can feel your own clit swell and throb for touch too. You easily move your hand between your legs, standing right there in front of him, toying with yourself as if you don’t have the power to ask him to do it for you. 

“Ah, fuck–” Jake groans, thrusting his hips up into his hand one last time before strings of his cum make a mess on his shirt. And it seems to go on forever too, spurt after spurt of it pumping out of him alongside his pretty moans and open-mouthed expression. You can feel your body react to him more than it ever has for anyone else, especially in the way….

“God–” You moan yourself now, watching him spread his legs and slouch more against your couch with a relieved sigh from his messy orgasm. But…his cock doesn’t soften. No, it stays stiff and heavy against his stomach, twitching and dribbling more and more of his cum out in little beads. 

The proof of his issue is right here, he really can and probably will go all night. And you say nothing else to him after that. In fact, he wouldn’t be able to answer you if you did say something simply because you find yourself stepping up onto your own couch, resting your knees against the back of it, and gripping his hair. 

Jake lets out a half-moan-half-hum, as expected, when he feels your hand drag his face under your skirt. You didn’t have to do that, but goddamn does he fucking love it. He loves how he can feel your knees buckle and force you to balance on the couch, loves how your cunt is just as needy as he feels, fucking adores the way you drip all over his tongue when he pushes your panties to the side and starts licking you up. 

It’s the fact that he didn’t even have to ask you to put it in his face. The slight taste against his fingers all night at work is nothing compared to the way you drown him now. He needs to do this for you. Hell, he needs to do this for himself.

“Jesus,” You breathe, rolling your hips on his mouth. He’s truly eating you like his life depends on it. You can hear his muffled hums at the taste, you can feel his shoulder shake as he starts jerking off again, you can feel the way his tongue goes deeper and deeper, licking each clench of your walls, only to pull back and suck the wet from your panties in a deep breath. 

He coos at it too, as if he’s in love with the moment, as if he truly can’t believe he’s finally got a pussy to lick. And he swallows each mouth full of your slick before muttering curses and promises against your swollen little bud. 

“Please,” He moans, nipping and licking against you. “Been so long since I’ve eaten pussy, rub it on me- fuck-” he continues to babble, heat-of-the-moment-talk coming out as far more arousing than cringe if you listen hard through your ringing ears. “Come on,” He continues, now neglecting his own cock and gripping your ass with both hands, shoving you back and forth on his face in painfully slow and harsh grinds. “Come on, harder.”

As if you can function at all right now with how rough he is about trying to pleasure you? Fucking hell, the words ignite something in you as you pull back and away from him. For a split second, you see his blown out pupils and fucked up hair as he licks his lips and presents that shining lower-half of his face to you. 

You don’t look for long though, no. Because you’re too busy pushing him to the side and forcing him to lay back on the couch instead. You resume your position afterwards, straddling the couch on either side of his head with your knees and planting your pulsing cunt right on his eager tongue. 

“You’re too hot,” You moan, feeling his hands go straight back to your ass to force more of those harsh grinds against him. “If you could see yourself right now–” Your eyes roll back in pleasure as you feel his moaned out chuckle hit you right in the clit. It’s like he knows he makes you feel good, but does he really? 

Does he truly understand how fucking good at this he is?

 “God, if you could feel how good your tongue is–” You continue, now losing yourself in the heat of the moment, feeling his fingers nearly bruise your ass with the death-grip he has on you. 

He nods his head in what little space he has as he spirals into heaven behind his eyes. The smell of you suffocates him, the taste of you drowns him, the weight of you is nothing short of sexy as hell. This is all he could ever want. A pretty girl using and abusing his face, much like he wants to do to you. But oh, there’s so, so much he wants to do after so long of having no one but himself. 

Eat you out, finger fuck you, slide his cock down that pretty little moaning throat of yours, grip that hair and kiss those tits. God, he wants to do everything right now but he can’t bear to push this perfect clit off of his lips. He cannot fathom losing the taste of you and the way you clench around the tip of his tongue. 

Oh fuck.

“Ahh- '' Jake moans open-mouthed against your clit as his brain hits a wall, his cock standing stiff from behind you as he spills out against himself again. Untouched completely, he cums without any effort where as previously it took him hours just to get off because he’d grown so fucking bored of everything. 

You’ve ignited him. His drive is higher than it’s ever been after being neglected for so long. God, he wants to fuck you so full that you can’t bear to leave him. 

“Fuck–” He continues, trying to lend licks between his jerking body to keep your arousal peaked. “See how bad I need it?” 

He finally manages to pull back, feeling you lift from his face just for a moment after noting the way his entire body is shaking. He’s not having it though, as he cranes his neck in chase of your dripping hole once more.

“Where do you think you’re going?” He adds now, enveloping his lips around your clit again and using both hands to force you right back down on his face. 

There, you feel the way he almost passionately makes out with your pussy. As if he’s thanking you for a second orgasm within the past ten minutes. As if he truly can’t stop wanting to fuck something, someone, anything at all.

Goddamn, what a fucking deal. All hail the hook-up app that brought this insatiable sex beast to your apartment.

“Jake–” You start, grinding down for him and feeling his hands now move to rub up and down your back. “Keep your tongue in me.” You choke out, gripping his hair to hold his face in place as you sit his tongue inside of you, short and jerky thrusts forward to bump your clit against his nose. 

He’s gotten off twice now, it’s your turn. 

And you watch as he drops his arms from you and grips your outer legs through it, letting you use his face until he can’t breathe. Both of you are seeing stars through it, your orgasm bubbling up so quickly that you can barely warn him when your hips halt in a stiffened clench and he’s finishing the job for you. 

Your legs squeeze around his head, your fingers pull his hair, and still he manages to find the space to tilt his chin up just to tongue-fuck you deeper, just to rub his nose harshly against your clit, up until he feels your quivering pussy spill all over his chin, down his throat, stealing any breath or moan he could possibly give right now. 

You’re out of breath by the time you finally slide off of his face, your hands immediately shooting to both of his cheeks as your sensitive clit drags down his stomach for the easy position change. You wince when you lick against his lips at the sensitivity, being sure to seat yourself right against his cock. 

“Hah–” Jake lends a breathy laugh against the way you lick his lips, his hands going right back to your ass and landing a sharp slap to it. “Couldn’t even get our clothes off first.”

You take a second to pull back and look at him, noting the redness against his cheeks and nose, likely from your panties consistently getting in his way and then you chuckle back at him. You’re thankful for the short break the two of you seem to be taking at the moment. Still, you lift up from him just to remove your shirt, exposing your tits in an instant solely because you didn’t wear a bra for this exact purpose. 

He’s still hard, despite two orgasms. You feel him rubbing it against you every few seconds, right up against your saliva and cum-soaked panties which, mind you, are insanely uncomfortable right now. It feels as if they’re slicing through your thigh with the force of how Jake managed to keep them shoved out of his way. 

“Just lay back,” You smile at him, allowing him a longer rest for now as you take it upon yourself to remove the barriers. “Let me take care of you now.”

Jake has hearts in his eyes as he watches you. Normally, a girl would already be falling asleep after all that, leaving him with not enough orgasms and no actual fucking. It’s not his fault he could do foreplay for upwards of three to four hours before going for the finale. Which, arguably, can and will last several hours longer. 

Still, you appear to not be finished either, with your breathless smile and gentle hands. He bites his bottom lip through a smirk as he watches you, tits on full display to keep him satiated for now as you move around on the couch to get his pants off of him. He helps a bit with a little kick, his cock still so sensitive and pathetically weeping for more. He feels lucky to have found you, almost baffled that he may have met his match. 

You lend several glances at his cock, not quite realizing the way he’s blinking at you right now. To be fair, it’s only natural to have your attention on that thing right now. You swallow around your nervousness regarding the size but equally want him to fuck you senseless with it. You already feel entirely fucked out, but…that. Oh, that could change your life, probably. You can imagine he won’t be as gentle as you expected before all of this too. Would probably shove it in all in one go and lose his mind at the feeling. 

He’s probably going to split you open and make it feel good for you too. Somehow. 

Anyway, enough of that. You’ve still got to get his shirt off, your uncomfortable skirt and panties too. 

You make quick work of it, as you stand to your feet and expose yourself entirely to him. Jake just watches, humming and moaning at each new expanse of skin you show to him. He keeps his hands to himself though, likely so used to feeling of them that they’d bring no pleasure at this moment if he were to jerk off to you doing this. And you just…look right back at him.

“Come on,” You smile at him again, lending your hand out for him to grab. “Bedroom will be more comfortable.”

Right. Bedrooms exist.

Jake follows, cock heavy and sensitive against his thigh with each step as he tries to get up close behind you. His eyes stay on your ass as you walk in front of him, and it’s not hard for him to keep his hands on it. In fact, he’s touching you as often as he can, trying to remind himself that he’s with someone right now who actually wants him. 

You seem to be willing to let him do what he needs tonight, and hopefully it won’t be the only time. 

You feel him on you, clinging so closely, hands constantly groping, lips always trying to reach the back of your neck and shoulders, to the point it’s actually difficult to get to your bedroom because you want nothing more than to turn around and shove him against the wall, all to try and take him into your mouth just to see if you can.

He doesn’t really let you think about that for too long though, because the second you get to your bedroom, he’s grabbing you from behind and lifting you in his strong arms. You writhe in his grasp with playful giggles, feeling the strong hold he has on you, keeping you in place against him as he stumbles forward with a deep inhale into your neck.

He’s quick to make his way to your bed, dropping you onto it, flipping you over onto your back, and immediately slotting himself between your legs. He hovers over you for a minute, looking directly into your eyes as his hair falls forward. 

Somehow, you’re more focused on his face than you are of his cock that he’s sliding up and down your core right now. You reach up to his hair, brushing it out of his face and feeling the sticky sweat at his scalp. 

“Could eat you out again.” Jake mentions, hips thrusting against you but eyes calm and level with yours. “Could lock me up in here and just use me all day if you want.” He continues, partially being serious about it, but treating it as if it’s some kinky joke instead. 

Because let’s be honest. If there’s any job Jake could do better than anyone else, it’s be a woman’s fuck toy. Always ready to go, always stiff and horny, always willing to please. 

“Could slide in right now and let you feel how hard I am.” His voice gets breathier as he talks, and you can tell he’s just imagining everything he wants to do. He probably worries he’ll have to go home at some point tonight only to resume his search for potential fucks to keep his need satiated. 

He probably thinks he’s going to exhaust you. 

“Could let you do all of that and more.” You respond, lifting your hips just slightly to press his cock between your bodies, throwing your legs around his waist simultaneously with the way you wrap your arms around his neck. “You want me to lock you up in here?” 

Jake nods with a sigh, squeezing his eyes shut as if he can imagine it. 

“Do you work tomorrow?” 

He shakes his head with another sigh, focusing on the way you keep humping up against his length, sliding yourself in whatever way you can against him. 

“Maybe I’ll just have to do that then.”

Oh, damn. 

The heart eyes are back. The very thought of being in this room all night and all day tomorrow drives his cock to pulse and twitch. Foreplay can come whenever, fucking can come whenever, he can cum whenever. There’s no need for a to-do list. No need for a specific structure of rules on how this needs to happen. Foreplay, sex, sleep. Not with Jake. 

Sex. foreplay. sex. foreplay. for hours. He’ll keep you up all night if he can, fucking and sucking every part of you, into the morning hours straight into tomorrow night. 

Free use with you from now until you’re tired of him. You can do anything you want to him but for now…

“Yeah?” Jake breathes out in excitement, arching his back slightly to let his cock land against your hole, and then he pushes forward slowly. The bulbous head spreads your lips and stretches out your slick pussy with ease as he continues to speak. “Feel that?”

Your eyes flutter shut at the sensation, fingernails already digging into his shoulders at the anticipation as your legs loosen around him. He continues to push forward, inch by inch, painfully slow as if he wants you to feel the burn and stretch even while being as wet as you are. 

“Ah–” He confirms for himself as he watches your face, wincing, mouth falling open. “Yeah, you feel it.”

God, yeah. You do. You feel the weight of his size inside of you, stretching you open so good he probably wouldn’t even have to move for it to hurt. But he does move, he does continue to slide in, savoring every second of your walls quivering and suffocating his cock. 

“Goddamn,” He groans, lifting up on both arms and bracing himself as he looks down, only to find he’s only slid half of his dick into you, and already you’re about as breathless as he is. “Didn’t realize how tight you’d actually be–” 

He chokes when he says it, sliding out little by little before fucking back in, pushing just a bit more into you.

“S’okay.” You try to reassure him, but it’s more for you than it is for him. You really didn’t think a cock could feel so big that it actually hurts, yet, here you are. “I’m adjusting.”

Jake moans at your broken voice, no longer holding himself back to look at your pussy grip him when he pulls out slightly. He looks at your face instead, witnessing how you take all of it in one solid movement from him. All of it, until he can feel his pelvis rest against your clit and your entire body stiffens in a tight hug around his body. 

“Mhm,” He leans back down now, humming against your cheek as he tries to control the urge to fuck. “Taking all of it, aren’t you?”

With those words, he slides out slightly before pushing back in again, trying to force your pussy to relax so that he can stop holding his breath. One hand finds its way to your leg to hold onto, the other holding himself up beside your head, and he just…watches. 

Little by little, he thrusts. Plunging into you in short-tight snaps of his hips just to watch your tits jiggle with the movements, up until he really, really can’t hold back anymore. 

You feel his cock leave you almost entirely, only to slam right back in and cause your vision to go white with a pang of pleasure. Your loud yelp pairs well with his relieved sigh of a grunt, and it appears that this is what breaks him entirely. 

That single, full thrust, lets him fall forward and nuzzle his nose against your neck and his body just goes. Instinctually chasing the deepest parts inside of you, hitting your cervix with each thrust only to drag back and make your toes go numb at the way your g-spot feels entirely too sensitive with this alone.

And god, Jake loves the way you cling through it. The way you moan each time he bottoms out, the way your nails cut into his back and the way your legs continuously fail to stay wrapped around him. He…

Oh no.

“I can go all night–” He breathes out through his relentless thrusts, almost as if he’s pleading with you. “I swear, I’m not done–” He continues to cut off his own words with choked moans as he pulls back and leans up, frantically forgetting to apologize over the fact that he’s already about to cum again.

And you feel him try to slide out, that face he made twice before already alerting you that he really must have so much to pump out of himself at this point. You don’t mind if he’s about to hit a third orgasm, in fact, you’re glad.

Your legs hold him in place as he fights to pull out, his eyes snapping to you in realization after the second time he tries. 

“No fucking way, you– you want it?” His eyebrows fall into that of a relieved release as he, too, falls right back down against your chest and lets his hips fuck freely. 

He’s not controlling it at this point. You feel him stretch you open more through his orgasm, rolling his hips but not pulling out even in the slightest now. Moving back and forth, as if trying to stuff you impossibly full while he releases those thick ropes of cum. It…feels so good even with the way the base of his cock continues to swirl and loosen you up in a painful stretch that almost feels like he’s ripping you open. Still, the pain is gone as he shakes on top of you, in fact, you feel your clit throb at the feeling of how big he is, of how hard he manages to stay. 

He didn’t even fuck you that roughly before this, but it feels like you’re already ruined. Ruined enough to want more. Enough to need more. 

“Bet that feels good,” You chuckle against his hair, feeling each pulse of him and loving the way he pants against your ear. “Not having to pull out, knowing you can fuck me for as long as you want.”

That only pushes his orgasm to hit harder. He thought he was nearing the end of it, but instead, his body goes into overdrive as more pulses of cum shoot out of him at your words. There’s so…so much of it he can give you. And if this is what you want, he’s the perfect man to do it for you. 

“Don’t say that, oh god–” Jake mumbles through the end of his orgasm, keeping himself tucked nice and deep into you as he releases his body weight and makes you feel slightly suffocated under him. “Please.”

Well, he minds his manners well enough, you shrug under him, clenching around his length unintentionally and reminding him that you genuinely can go all night, just like him.

Reminding him that maybe you really will just lock him up in this room all tonight, all tomorrow. He seems into the idea anyway, right? Both of you just free-use sex dolls for the time being…Hell yeah.

And as Jake catches his breath, he finally lifts up, pulling you with him, and sits you directly on his lap now.

“Keep going then, don’t let it get soft.” He nearly whimpers, solely due to the sensitivity his cock is now offering and the fact that after that third orgasm, he truly is gaining the ability to go flaccid between orgasms. 

And you follow his direction, though not entirely how he wanted you to. Instead of rolling your hips, you slip him right out of you and sink your face down between his legs, loving the way his cum spills out of you all the while. You don’t even say anything, not that you’d need to. He watches you, a smirk forming on his lips as he raises an arm and throws it over his eyes. 

“Shit, You’re so my type.” He groans out of the sexual frustration that still bubbles within him. You look so good down there with his cock just inches from your mouth. God, no woman has been able to go down on him for too long despite really fucking wishing they would. 

His hips always lose control, they don’t like face fucking, he’s too big to fit, they’re gagging too much, their jaw is hurting. What the fuck ever. Look at you, blinking up at him like you want nothing more in the world than to take it all down your throat. Ah, fuck, if you did that…

His hips buck up on instinct, forcing you to hold him down with your arms as you lick your lips. 

“You really live up to your promise, you know that?” You smile with warmed cheeks as you speak, blowing air gently against the head of his cock. It’s softened up a little, but it’s no longer going flaccid. You’re sure that the second you work it into your mouth, he’s going to be blocking your airways. 

Good. 

“You say that like I’m not overwhelming you with all of this,”  He chuckles as he moves his arm from his face and down to yours. “Most girls would have already sent me home.”

You circle your lips around the bulbous head, tasting the remnants of both you and him as you gently suckle before popping off and licking your lips. 

“Well, Jake–” You look back down and lend his cock a little kiss. “I’m not most girls. Besides, most guys get their nut and leave me hanging. You’ve gotten, what? Three orgasms by now? And you’re still in my bed? Wanting me to lock you up tomorrow too? What a fucking win.”

Jake rolls his eyes because you don’t even know the fucking half of it. If he were a normal guy, he probably would have done the same thing. Maybe not to you, but to others? Yeah. The thing is, he’s not like most guys. And you’re right in saying you’re not like most girls either, considering…your sex drive appears to be just as insatiable as his.

“Fuck, let me eat you out again–” Jake groans now, needing to pleasure you again, aroused by the fact that he’s basically met a female version of himself. Even if he’s just exaggerating and making himself believe such a woman could exist close enough to him. “Let me– Ahh…”

You cut off his words, dragging a loud and sensual moan from him as you sink down. Mostly to shut him up, mostly so you can return the favor for him from earlier before letting him have another lick of you. After all, you truly do appreciate him for all of this. 

“Mmf–” You mumble unintentionally, feeling each inch of his length that you swallow up pressing your tongue further and further down in your mouth. Up until you’re entirely open mouthed on him, gagging yourself when he hits your throat only to angle yourself up on your knees to point it straight down your throat instead.

It hurts, but you close your eyes in concentration, breathing through each gag, ignoring the dribble of saliva that runs from the corners of your mouth and– you swallow.

Mostly because you can’t suck. Again and again, you swallow around him just to stimulate his length, the girth stretching your lips out to the point you feel your jaw could break, but it doesn’t and it won’t. 

Within an instant of taking his whole length down your throat, you feel his hands in your hair. Your ears are ringing, otherwise you would also be listening to him choke on his words at how you’re doing this to him. All of it. You’re taking him in full, not leaving an inch out, seemingly proving that your mouth can be fucked just as good as your cunt.

He’s in heaven, head spinning as you stimulate him through each gag and sputtered out chokes of a moan. He can’t help it when he grabs your hair, he really doesn’t mean it when he pushes your head down while pressing his hips up. Essentially choking you and suffocating you in full with a paused hold. 

You brace yourself on his hips when he does this, squeezing your eyes shut and continuously gagging from the way he abuses your mouth with just that small movement, and then– he pulls back.

“Ahh,” He groans, snapping his hips back and holding you by the hair to keep you from chasing. “You like that?” He continues, letting you breathe but not answer at all before he’s pushing your head right back down, holding you there again and fucking his hips up repeatedly into your throat this time. 

The sounds are pornographic at best, concerning at worst. You, searching for air somewhere between his thrusts, the sounds of wet sputters, drooling, whimpered groans from him, and desperate gasps and gags from you. Truly, Jake is in heaven right now. With you, specifically, you’ve brought him to heaven.

For you, it feels like he does this forever. You’re losing the ability to comprehend what breathing ever was in the first place, thankfully though, Jake can see the tears pouring from your eyes and feel the way you fall slightly limp, letting him do as he pleases before he realizes– he may actually be overwhelming you now.

He snaps his hips back quickly, pulling you up and off of the last remaining inches of his weeping cock before taking a good, long look at your gasped breath and abused lips. Tongue licking out and eyes stained. 

“I’m sorry, fuck, I–”

Instantly you press yourself down on him once again, resuming your original position of sliding him in until you can’t stand the feeling in your throat, gagging and swallowing around him time and time again. You feel proud of it, proud of the pain, proud of the suffocation. 

Fucking proud to not be finished with him compared to every other person, apparently. 

“Jesus–” He groans now, his entire body slouching against your bed as he slams his head back and starts petting your cheeks. “It’s like you were born for this. For me.”

You hum around the gags, growing accustomed to swallowing him up and feeling your jaw strain. And just a few moments later, you pull up with a deep breath, a smile, and you start rubbing your jaw. 

“Maybe I was,” You try to talk dirty, wanting to drive him insane. “You taste so good.” You add, dipping down again to lick a long stripe up the underside of his balls up to his tip. “Any girl should be proud to say you’d fuck her mouth like that.”

A twitch, he rolls his eyes back and clenches his jaw. 

“How are you so…” He breathes out, reaching his hands blindly for you, only to feel you shift on the bed and essentially sit your tits into both of his hands. “perfect?”

You shrug when he opens his eyes, you’re now hovering over him, both hands covering his on your tits as you force him to squeeze and grope. 

“Maybe it’s best to not ask questions.” You tilt your head playfully. “Besides, if I’m lucky maybe you’ll stop trying to find other girls to fuck. They can’t take care of you like I will, anyway.”

Oh, you damn fucking right they won’t. 

“You can have it any time you want.” Jake smiles, relishing in your tits warming under his palms, watching the way you hover over him tall and proud on your knees. “Could play with you every day and never get bored.” 

You feel him move his hand from under yours, going straight between your legs and sliding not two, but three fingers into you with ease.

“Still so wet too,” He hums, eyes narrowing at you with that same pretty grin. “You always this horny?”

You shake your head. 

“Not usually, you just turn me on.” 

Jake feels proud of that. He doesn’t feel like the odd ball with a dick that can’t be satiated no matter how many pussies he plows through in a night. Which, again, for the past year has been a total of zero pussy. You getting turned on by that makes him feel…capable. Makes him feel like maybe he can be put to use by a pretty girl. 

Makes him feel like his need is wanted and well taken care of. 

“So, I can keep calling you?” He asks now, fucking his fingers up, loving the warmth and slide, anticipating for when he gets to bury his cock in you again. 

“Mhm.” You hum, closing your eyes to enjoy the pleasure of how deep even his fingers reach. Kind of ready for him to stop talking and just focus on what he’s doing to you.

“Even if it’s every single day?” He continues to ask, now using his thumb against your clit. “Even if I need you in the middle of the night?”

Anything he wants if he can keep hitting your g-spot like this. 

“Yes, Jake,” You sigh out of aroused frustration, now wiggling your hips to chase that stimulation inside of you. “I’ll give you the fucking key to my apartment if you want. Just let you walk right in and start fucking me.”

His fingers move faster at the image, the implication of not just free-use, but true free use. Real free-use. 

“Yeah? Wake you up with my cock sliding into you?” He urges you to keep talking, now removing his other hand from your chest and circling it around his cock. “Just walk right in and get my mouth on you while all your friends are here?”

You lend a surprised chuckle, but pay no mind to his words past the arousal it brings to you. You’d tell him about how you have a total of like two friends, and half of the time they’re too busy to show up anyway. Still, the image is hot at the moment. All of it is hot. 

“You’d let me?” He continues pressing every button both physically and mentally, unaware of how easy it is for him to talk as if it’s a normal conversation solely because it’s kind of his general state of living at this point. You, on the other hand, are not used to having a full conversation while your g-spot gets abused. “Even if you’re not home? Let you come home and find me fucking myself for you?”

Oh.

“Fuck–” You groan out at the image, feeling his fingers reach so perfectly, thinking of how it would feel to walk into your apartment just to see this pretty man chasing that tight ring of fingers his fist creates. Probably so turned on and frustrated that you’re not home…so frustrated that all he could do is drop to the floor and start fucking. “God, yeah.”

So that’s what you’re into. You love that he’s that pathetic to fuck. And lucky for you, he’s more than willing to continue to be that fucking pathetic. 

“Does that feel good?” He hums now, watching how you fuck yourself against his fingers, lifting slightly to lick against your nipple. “Can I use my cock again?” He babbles almost, brain on constant loop of you actually giving him free reign of your apartment someday so he can come and–”Please, do this on my cock.”

This is the second time he’s asked you to ride it, and you think that may be one time too many. You almost feel guilty for taking him down your throat first, but then again, you don’t. Your body vibrates knowing you’re about to split yourself open on him again, only this time having full control. 

“You want me to sit on it, Jake?” You smile, thrusting your hips down and sinking his fingers into you so deep that you physically can see his brain malfunction. 

The frantic nod he gives is somehow less powerful than how he lifts his hips, forcing you higher on your knees as his fingers slip out of you and immediately land in his mouth. 

Man, this guy must love the taste of pussy. The image of him doing that alone is insanely arousing to you as you lend him a short nod and slide back, your pussy sucking in the head of his cock instantly as if the two of you move together so well, that it was only natural to not need a guiding hand for it. 

He sinks his head deep into the mattress with the way you try to sink down on him. He holds his breath with those same fingers in his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut at how tight you still are, how wet you still are. 

And he’s shocked, almost, at the way you just keep sliding down. Not letting yourself re-adjust to his size, holding your own breath and bracing yourself on his abdomen just to keep balance and you wince through the stretch. 

“That’s it.” Jake soothes your hips as you sit, clenching around each one of his twitches inside of you. “Doing so good.” He breathes out this time, trying to hold back his moan just for a moment as he awaits your moan first.

And it comes quickly when you lean back rather than against him, arms by his knees as you practically present his cock to him buried entirely into you with this position. He lifts his head and stares at it before reaching his thumb to your clit, immediately pressing hard circles against it. 

“Ride it,” He pleads now. “God, please ride it.” He loses his mind at the image, really, as you do start moving. 

Pained whimpers falling from your lips as you circle your hips, fucking just an inch of him in and out of yourself, forcing the deepest part of your pussy to take the abuse more than anything else. And you know he loves it with the way his thumb stops rubbing your clit, with the way he can’t decide on if he should look or throw his head back and fall into the sensation. 

It’s really cute to witness, and you’d lean forward to kiss him if you had the strength to do it, but you don’t. In fact, all the strength you have is currently bubbling up inside of you with a sharp, almost burning sensation. 

You know exactly what this is. You’ve practiced it time and time again alone in this bed. 

“Oh, oh shit, Jake–” You groan as you frantically start moving your hips through the full and splitting feeling of him inside of you. Your voice sounds so panicked, it almost scares him. And honestly? Had he not have finger fucked you against your g-spot previously perhaps you could last longer on him, but no. 

“What– What’s wrong?!” Jake’s voice is broken when he quickly leans up, hugging around you as you continue to ride against him, faster now, chasing, chasing, chasing. 

Pushing, pushing, pushing.

“No, no!” You moan out, shoving him back against the bed and now lifting entirely from his length before slapping your own clit, fast, rough circled motions before each slap. “Oh, shit!” You nearly yell, witnessing it squirt from your body straight against his abdomen and chest. 

Jake just watches, mouth agape and eyes wide. 

“Oh–” He stares. “Oh yeah?” 

And you’re not even done when he seemingly takes full control. Allowing all that squirt to fall out of you, ignoring your shaking legs, tipping you straight back and plunging his cock right back into that release of pressure inside of you.

“You just weren’t gonna tell me you could do that?” He grunts against your ear, fucking into you so hard and so fast that your orgasm just keeps coming. It feels too good to speak, too good to breathe. 

Even as it subsides and you’re trying to catch your breath, he doesn’t let you. He just keeps going, grunting incoherently against your ear, snapping his hips harder than you think he’s probably ever done before. 

Honestly, with each yelp you let out, your sensitivity goes from being unbearably painful to–

“Do it again–” He urges you. “Give me another one.” Babbling, cooing, fucking moaning all over your neck until his lips hit yours. 

Somehow, that gives him exactly what he wants as he feels your legs tense up and fall open around him. Your pelvis slamming into his so hard that it’s, quite literally, splashing out of you in loud and painful sounds. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” He nods and whispers against your tongue, sucking it into his mouth before licking into yours, nearly rabid with the way he’s both kissing and fucking you, he can’t help it. He forgot words the second he felt the gush rush past his length, trying to force it out of you only for him to go harder. Like hell he’s not going to feel you literally squirt on his cock. “So fucking messy.”

At one point, you think you might have actually died. You’re not sure but you swear you saw him fucking you in third person for two solid seconds before being slammed right back into your body. The pleasure genuinely is so overwhelming that…well, suddenly you understand why girls probably think he’s too much.

But goddamn he’s…so good. Like, you remember him mentioning his body count through his one-sided sext session with you and you can argue his inexperience probably made this that much better. He’s a fucking natural. 

And as he continues fucking into you, all you can do is lend him a distant smile. You’re definitely not experiencing real life at this moment, and you know he sees it with the way he lifts and keeps his eyes on your zoned out expression. 

“Look at you.” He echoes against your walls. “So, so pretty.” 

And he just keeps doing that, whispering praises, working you through his presumed last orgasm of the night because he genuinely can’t not fill you up with his cum one last time before letting you rest. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

The rest didn’t last long, but to be fair you didn’t need it to. All night, and all day. That promise was kept and Jake remained insatiable throughout all the time he spent with you.

To the point you very nearly felt strange about him leaving. Like you’d grown so accustomed to having someone literally attached to you at the dick that you knew the loneliness and silence would hit you a little too hard once he leaves. 

And, well, he does leave in a sense, but not completely. 

Though you never truly meant that offer in the midst of sex-talk, Jake seemed to have clinged to the idea of it. Lock him up, but still give him the key. 

Never in your life would have imagined giving a person the key to your apartment, and yet…there he goes. Backing out of a guest parking spot in front of your building with your spare fucking apartment key in his pocket right next to those fucking panties. 

[gabriels-roleplay-hub]

gabriel's rp hub

other names: gabi, gebby

pronouns: she/her

birth year: 2004 (so that I don't have to keep editing this every year)

time zone: pacific (gmt-7/8)

important details and sideblog list under the cut

rules:

I don't erp on tumblr or with people I don't know well, but I might occasionally discuss nsfw topics on one of my side blogs. if you want it, and you're 18+, dm me on here or on discord.

dni with those posts in particular if you're a minor (I'll be tagging them as "minors dni"). conversely, all my blogs except that one will be completely sfw, except for the occasional tame sex joke - which I'll tag accordingly.

pretty much any type of rp blog is allowed to interact. I'll probably only block you if we've had conflict in the past or if you meet basic dni criteria (bots, pedophiles, bigots, etc.)

don't nitpick at my hc-heavy intepretations of canon characters. ik they're canon-divergent, and I honestly couldn't care less.

when you send me ask games, always include the question itself in your ask, bc I won't be able to look back at the original post every time

I'm extremely averse to criticism due to a mix of trauma and disorders, and I tend to start thinking I'm boring and not worth others' time if my ideas don't pique their interest.

I am working on both of those, though, so I honestly don't wanna hear about it from anyone besides my therapist /nm

more rules

my pokeblogging universe:

on tms and hms

other important details:

my sideblogs' pinned intro posts will have lots of tags, just so that people can find them. all the posts afterwards will only have a few tags (mainly just #ic and/or #ooc).

if I reblog any rp invitations (ask & reblog games, etc.), it'll be on here and apply to all my sideblogs

I don't interact with "reblog if you support xyz" posts or talk about politics. that anti-elon musk post was an exception

pokeblogs:

(might be outdated sometimes since I'm forgetful. the ones I currently have the motivation for have stars next to them)

@catbirds-pokeblog (still not entirely sure what she is yet - might end up being a faller?)

@verityandzeke

@teamsocialism (joke evil team run by verity and zeke)

@her-name-is-teri (crossover au faller)

@ultra-spacey

@ubcore (pokehuman / sleeby - I'm still deciding which one I want him to be)

@sylvettefalls

@flying-type-artist (spiderverse au faller)

@students-of-ruin

@ultra-galaxy-ensemble

@futuristicheroine (eeby)

@mailcarriercore ⭐

@god-is-a-retail-employee

@gcsharp (fankid)

@miss-calla-lily (faller from hisui)

@suz1e-and-su2ie

@julie-dalton-nico-calico (fallers from a book)

@number-1-wailord-hater

@no-ones-pokeblog

@sancia-pereira

@broke-bba-student

@kai-and-ajax (pokehumans)

@hoshikos-pokeblog

@qingtings-pond

@cleo-cayce

@veran-and-veralia (fallers) ⭐

@rin-yukimura (faller from hisui)

@the-carnelian-twins

@mushroom-pokemon-enthusiast ⭐

@soprano-and-alto (pokehumans)

@my-love-dot-swf (faller)

@ayames-pokeblog ⭐

@minas-pokeblog ⭐

@ida-mora ⭐

@camellia-crane ⭐ (adaptable to any verse)

splatoon rp blogs:

@gabriel-tatsumi

@ultrasplat

@messenger-who-always-perseveres

@idol-group-supernova

other rp blogs:

@dr-ripley-hertz

[figurativepieceoftrash]

Can I ask why you hate Vacation? Don't have to share if you don't want to, I'm just curious.

I wrote Vacation specifically to appeal to fandom trends and create something popular. I noticed that bnha readers tended to gravitate towards ridiculous, non-constructive, low-stakes crack fic with fandom humor, which I personally dislike reading/writing and find quite boring, and decided to attempt regardless bc my work never achieves the kind of engagement I want and I thought the dopamine hits would be fulfilling

Initially the insane stats were really nice! I got maybe thirty comments in the first day of posting (INSANE for my work) and a higher kudos to chapter ratio than I knew what to do with. Big fandom names who had never engaged with my work before were leaving stellar reviews, and I finally felt like something I'd written had a chance of going viral. The only issue was that I felt absolutely nothing for the story I was writing and in many cases outright despised the tropes I'd engaged with

I hate the badass Inko trope, the clueless, incompetent dfo trope, the genius Midoriya Izuku trope, fandomized dadmight, etc. etc. etc. the list goes on, but I'd realized that each of these tropes enable a fic to perform better despite how inherently reductive they tend to be. Which would be fine except that it led me to despise the way I'd portrayed characters I know I'm perfectly capable of liking in the right depictions and thus absolutely loathe writing them

Beyond this crack fic is. Just absolutely, monumentally, most definitely, infinitely and forever Not My Thing™️. Fandom humor relies on warping the characters involved in ways I feel are reductive and sticking them in situations they'd never realistically be in for the sake of a type of tongue in cheek "haha isn't [character a] so smart and wisecracking and [character b] so incompetent?" farce that just in no way appeals to me. Call me a fun killer, but I've always hated ooc comedy imagines and characterizations (the Izuku stealing a dead nighteye's merch/merch hoarding in general, Uraraka being a money-grubbing mizor, Aizawa loving cats/constantly adopting kids, Izuku is snappy and sarcastic and dfo doesn't impact him at all he says so what, etc. etc. I'm sure you can think of many more), incorrect quotes blogs, big bnha blog joke aus taken as canon, etc.

I tend to prefer comedies like Arrested Development, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Curb Your Enthusiasm where the humor arises naturally from the characters being the way they were designed to be in natural situations rather than like,,, warped funhouse mirror versions of characters losing or gaining a skull's worth of braincells to adhere to ooc characterizations the fandom collectively deems as funny on some arbitrary, indiscernible basis. I get fandom humor it just doesn't amuse me at all, and honestly I've blocked way too many bnha blogs for constantly shoving it in my face. No hate, it's preference, I just really prefer not to engage with it

Vacation was me shilling out my values and preferences to be popular and it didn't even perform as well as it could've to boot. Frankly writing it was really tiresome and unfun for me and I personally don't vibe with the brand of humor it has at all. It was a slog from start to finish and it was only two chapters long

I'm definitely not judging anyone who likes it, but it probably isn't something I'll ever revisit unless I'm in a REALLY bad place mentally and need writing validation lol

[seriouslysam8]

I am sorry that I made you justify for something that was your opinion❤️ (I am the one that asked you ages ago about your hate/dislike)

Normally, I don’t read Hermione bashing because people make her a real bitch that is after Harrys money and that doesn’t care about him, which I think is weirdly non-canon. So reading the MiT was kind of a suprise to me. It didn’t have the tag bashing and you were definitely NOT bashing her, but wrote her pretty boring, distant and cold.

I shouldn’t have asked you… like you said! Its YOUR story and YOU decide who has more „page time“ and who deserves to be written about. But instead of being an asshole and ignoring my ask you were so respectful and said so many reasonable points that I understood and accepted your opinion!

I don’t agree with all, but I understood and tbh I still read through all those one shots and multi chapters 😅 You write too good, to just stop reading your stories 😅

The only thing that I can suggest so people stop asking about Hermione is to write a post or just a disclaimer that this blog is an anti!Hermione blog without bashing

Because you really don’t bash Hermione, you just don’t write about her more.

I am so Sorry that you needed to write this rant, because you felt like justifying your opinion and hate again and again and again! But I am also glad you wrote it and didn’t shut up about it. Because nobody cares if someone hates Drarry, Wolfstar, a feminin Sirius(which is so weird.) a skirt wearing Sirius (I- wtf), those blogs that post about TOMARRY don’t need to justify their ships, people don’t ask about why someone hates Ron or Ginny or the whole Weasley clan (seriously noone). So you should have the right too, to hate a FICTIONAL character that is not REAL

Again I apologize for my noisy self!❤️

———

And just to annoy you, bc I really do love this blog snd the person behind it:

Why do you dislike percy Weasley?💀😭

(Pls take it as a joke, I rarely care about him😂💀)

I don’t want you to feel bad. Some people are genuinely curious, and those people (like you) bother me a lot less. Because I get it. She’s not normally a disliked character. But there are those of us who just don’t have any interest in her or don’t like her.

It’s just a question I get asked often.

You are so right. Nobody goes to an anti-Ron or Ginny or Weasley tumblr or story and ask why or to shit on the author. Or if Ron is put in the background as a friend and Hermione is portrayed as the bestie, nobody bats an eye. I think that’s what bugs me the most.

I had someone who would rant on my page anytime I said something even remotely negative about Hermione. I blocked their account and their second account so I don’t have to deal with it. Most times, people don’t really argue. But I get a lot of reviews and asks asking questions or people who are upset that I underutilize her. A lot of the time I just delete and ignore, not giving it any attention.

I just got a shitty anon review today that I ended up deleting ranting and raving at me because of Hermione in Brumous and saying my portrayal of Harry and Ron was awful. And I just had enough. And I needed to vent.

But honestly, I remember your ask and you were kind and respectful. I don’t mind questions. It just gets exhausting sometimes. More often than not, they’re not respectful.

I am just trying to establish some good boundaries. Some people in the fandom need to learn how to respect boundaries. That’s very, very important.

So, friends?!?

….

But

Don’t get me started on Percy!!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

[epickiya722]

Honestly, i think there's a lot of people from twt who hates Tumblr bc they just, don't really know how to actually get used to using it, can't even. And I do kinda understand why.

Tumblr is a whackland full of inside jokes that operate in a way that ppl have to participate for it to be fun, and it requires even more effort to keep you and your friends out there so not to be confused for a bot or be completely invisible, and to set your preferences straight before you start.

A lot of them have really bad burnout and all of this is probably too energy taking, and i get it.

Very random, but I'll reply.

Honestly, even with all the advice posts on how to work with Tumblr and what to avoid, I think, yeah it does take a lot of energy to get used to it.

But that also can apply to any site that people are not used to.

I'm sure if I get a Twitter I'll get tired from getting started because I'm not used to having a Twitter. (Honestly doubt I'll ever get one.)

Really the most I have to say to anybody joining Tumblr, not just refugees but to anybody, is take two minutes at least changing your profile pic.

It's just me, but when I first got a Tumblr before I followed anybody, the first thing I did was change my username, created a header and icon and changed out of the default header and icon to them.

I just hate having a "boring theme" so it's always my first priority when having an account for anything that allows to me to have changes.

And I'm just at the point of giving up on repeating the same thing over and over.

If folks want to lurk, alright, fine. I personally don't care. You wanna continue having a default icon despite people saying don't, that's you. I already have my icon and header changed.

(By the way, these porn bots also now have the default icons, not just the sexy ladies as their icons. I blocked like five recently.)

If people want to have an empty blog, go ahead.

At this point, I just don't care.

Tumblr is indeed a whackland of jokes and whatnot, but it's also the user's responsibility to decide if they participate in those jokes or not. If they don't get a joke, that's fine. I didn't get some jokes despite never have left Tumblr.

Example, I did not care for the vanilla extract joke. Didn't hate it, but didn't find it funny either. It was "meh" for me. So I ignored it. Because it's not a requirement for me to participate in the joke. People I follow were reblogging the joke and all I did was scroll past. Took little effort.

Just... do whatever you want with your Tumblr, really. Yes, still figure out how the settings work, look at the posts that show you how to use said settings.

But if you choose not to participate in jokes, don't. It is not an obligation and anyone who says otherwise is either just being an asshole or just joking.

Don't feel pressured to have your Tumblr a certain way because everyone else does.

That's really all I have say. 🤷🏿‍♀️

[inchidentally]

some of my trickier asks or things I want to keep out of the tags

[link was a twitter post saying they wanted to get rid of Oscar to have car|ando back together at McLaren]

AFASFGHLASHFL babe even as a car|ando person I have to let you vent that out because that is possibly the most cringe thing I have seen since maybe 2016. I am fully expecting DTS to do another segment on car|ando and frame it so that McLaren and Lando want Oscar to leave because he doesn't touch Lando enough on camera or use nonstop gay innuendo. forget teammates valuing respect for each other and piling up McLaren's hardware cabinet, why oh why won't Oscar tackle Lando to the ground or talk about dicks and balls with him for fancams 😭

sorry anon I'm just cutting off that last part bc I don't want to attract any discourse about it to my blog <3 but yeah I honestly find it baffling that car|ando ended up being the larry ship for F1 fandom when Carlos of his own volition chose to leave after one season?? if they were real life a couple and wanting sex all the time surely staying on the same team would make sense and that he wouldn't go to Ferrari and immediately start acting more like a besotted, handsy husband with Charles than he ever did with Lando yet no one thinks they're secretly married. why didn't he do like Daniel and stick it out with McLaren even during bad times to stay with Lando if real life couple

and straight up they're not only disregarding everything that Oscar has brought to McLaren and promises for the future ! they're deciding that Pato is disposable too. I say this as a semi fake fan but even I wouldn't base my predictions about contract negotiations on rpf.

<3 thankfully it isn't all of us car|ando people who go too far but it feels like the other side are getting louder and louder

honestly I can boil my two main issues with the car|andoisreal brigade to three points:

misogyny and publicly targeted hate toward their real life girlfriends who they actually do have sex with/have romantic feelings for and who they openly choose to be around at the exclusion of their sports bromance friend

this particular brand of car|ando revolving entirely around Lando being conveniently stripped of a personality apart from giggling so he can be handy insert for women desperate to have Carlos for themselves

bringing 1D shipping into yet another new fandom and basically rinse and repeat with Carlos and Lando's names inserted in the [namexname] box

I know that a lot of us car|ando folks are nothing to do w this garbage and the good thing is that usually these people take themselves out either by pissing off the men involved in the ship or getting bored waiting for their fake ship to "become canon" finding a new rpf ship to latch onto.

oh and I do know that the person who made the office meme about Lando saying the podium thing intended it solely as a joke but it found the Other Side real fast and they genuinely put it in their dossiers of car|ando vs |andoscar. which I don't get for many reasons but also if they think Carlos and Lando are in a secret gay relationship and Lando doesn't even like Oscar then why the need to keep going seeee seeeeee he loves Carlos not Oscarrrrr aslfhsalfhslahf jesus christ why am I even trying to rationalize this

thing is I don't want any more of this on my blog or in our part of fandom so I'm going to limit how much of any asks I'll answer about it. I don't at all mind if people need to vent but jsyk I might not always post it publicly.

I'd recommend blocking and not engaging with it to everyone else too. I might curb how much car|ando is on my blog for a while just because it's so embarrassing to be associated with the grown ass women stalking Rebecca/Carlos content and flooding it with car|ando comments.

[correct-neo]

just wanna say thank you so much guys!! this really means a lot too me <33

[blue-jisungs]

hello! if this isn't too weird a request, could i request skz reaction to their partner really enjoying watching horror videos (like nexpo) or just horror in general, especially at night? still fluffy hehe, probably a kinda: those who join in, those who won't and those who are very hesitant hahaha :') like I just turn all my lights out at midnight and spend a few hours watching them because I find them interesting lol

I love your blog! your writings make me so happy :) and congrats on 500, you deserve it! 💞💞

you enjoy horror movies ♡

a/n. waah thank u so so much!! <33 it’s my first time responding to an ask so 1) sorry it took so long >-< 2) i hope you like it!!! 3) and thank you so much for sending it!!

personally i hate horrors and i don’t watch them so sorry if something’s off… but i had fun while writing it though!! :D

┆彡 BANG CHAN [ 방찬 ]

i feel like he'd enjoy them but not the type to watch them on a daily basis

so if you're watching one at night, he'll deffo join you!!

is there a horror movie with ryan reyndols...?

he'd talk a lot - about the characters or the scenery of the movie...

... but if the plot is tense, he'll shut up instantly

even though he's not scared he will make you cuddle him to sleep afterwards

┆彡 CHANGBIN [ 창빈 ]

pretends he's fine but he's not

same as chan - enjoys horrors but doesn't watch them often. especially at night.

but for you...

he'll watch it, arms wrapped around the pillow

screams at jumpscares and then plays it off

"i just choked... pass me that water, please..."

┆彡 LEE KNOW [ 리노 ]

horror movies fan #1

barerly flinches at any jump scares

loves to watch horrors with you and with the others - mostly because later he can scare them with your help >:)

guesses who's the killer at the beginning. 99% of the time he's right

you often hold horror movie marathons - with skz members too - and the one who gets scared has to buy all of you a meal. long story short - lee know never had to.

┆彡 FELIX [ 필릭스 ]

i feel like... he doesn't like them and hates anything scary related but if you insist, he'll watch it to the moment he feels uncomfortable (he's just like me fr)

knowing that, prepare for his fingers tightening around yours when the music gets slightly suspicious

he'll squeak once or twice but besides that he's pretty chill

and afterwards, he'd laugh off his reactions

pls cuddle him while going to sleep later!!

┆彡 HAN [ 한 ]

same as felix but he'd join you out of curiosity or boredom

comments if the character does something stupid and explains how he would do it

squeaks at jumpscares

makes a lot of jokes

tries to scare you (he fails)

hugs you firmly while trying to fall asleep while trying to convince you he's fine

┆彡 HYUNJIN [ 현진 ]

now... i'm sure we all saw that one skz code episode where they were in this "haunted house" (?)

yeah.

(if he has to watch, he's probably forced to)

"HYUNJIN THE MOVIE DIDN'T EVEN START WHY ARE YOU YELLING???"

couple of times almost broke the tv/laptop bc he tried to throw something at it...

he holds your hand tightly. if you don't end up with broken fingers it's a miracle, honestly

whines while falling asleep, clinging onto you like a panda under tones of blankets and every possible light turned on

┆彡 SEUNGMIN [ 승민 ]

same as changbin - acts cool but inside is freaking out

but his face and actions don't mirror it... he's still as a rock, sitting calm, eyes glued to the tv

will hold your hand though

but if it gets too scary, he'll just say it's boring and go away

if you go check up on him, you'll just see a sleeping puppy

┆彡 I. N [ 아이엔 ]

even if he's scared, he'll hide it

maybe isn't a big horror movies fan but will join you anyway

cracks jokes during it and tries to imitate the monsters/characters

if he happens to squeak, he'll play it off by letting out a even louder dolphin scream

will try to scare you afterwards but fails pt2

makes you cuddle him to sleep and threatens you that he won't watch more horror movies with you if you don't cuddle him...

[ masterlist <3 ]

[iaminjail]

Haikyuu!! Headcanons (because i'm bored)

im just gonna start off with my minimal gender + sexuality hcs bc those are the easiest to explain lmao

i'm sorry but kageyama is mega gay. like super gay. he's literally one of those "i've just never had time for girlfriends, ____ is more important" dudes like cmon

meanwhile i go with the (somewhat) majority and say hinata is bisexual, though i dont think he uses labels (half because he doesn't think they matter, half because he knows nothing about lgbtq terms lmao)

he just seems like the type where you show him a picture of a cute girl and he goes "oooo pretty!!!" and then you show him a picture of a cute boy and he goes "oooo pretty!!!" and you have to do a double take because you didn't know he liked men

kenma gives asexual vibes i can't totally explain it he just does

like the kinda guy to joke online about how he prefers eating cake to eating ass

anyways genderfluid kageyama is literally just self indulgent i have no reasoning for it so i'll just move on

ok anyways onto general hcs

the miya twins totally grew up with a bunk bed and would purposefully move around a bunch so the bed squeaked and it would keep the other awake

oh btw on the topic of sleeping; hinata's a hundred percent a starfish sleeper. at the training camp he'd wake up completely turned around on the floor on his stomach

honestly noya's probably the same too ngl

just with the added bonus of loud storing

tsukishima is a god at tetris. like absolutely a legend. he's literally one of those japanese players you always find on the leaderboard legit

kageyama doesn't play video games (this is just canon) but he does commonly play one. its called animal crossing baby

hinata visits his island all the time and sends him letters even though they could just text

speaking of texting; kageyama, sakusa, tsukishima, and osamu are the dryest dry texters in the history of texting. you could tell them they just got kicked off the volleyball team and they'd still reply "Ok."

bokuto has "i used to eat small objects as a toddler so now i'm basically 36% plastic" energy

akaashi probably reads classic literature in his spare time like a LOSER

that or those really depressing mangas that start with true love and end with somebody dying tragically

suga has definitely illegally set off fireworks at least ONCE in his life

yamaguchi still sleeps with stuffed animals specifically a 4 ft polar bear named pogo he had since he was 5 because one again he's just got that vibe

he hides it in his closet when company comes over tho. the only people who know are tsukishima and yachi (tsukki because he was there when yamaguchi was a kid, yachi because the bear accidentally fell out when she was there)

yachi, hinata, and kageyama are all besties sorry i dont make the rules

oikawa has probably worn makeup in public before (not like heavy heavy makeup tho just mainly like eye makeup)

on the subject of makeup stuff kageyama probably gets his nails painted by yachi sometimes bc he saw her wearing it and thought it would help them look better than he was already trying to make them

kita plays a game with atsumu and osamu where whoever starts a fight with the other gets a point. whoever has the least points gets free food on him at the end of the week

that's it for now. ik this isnt really a haikyuu blog but i just felt like putting down a bunch of my funny little thoughts about my favorite anime

[astroninaaa]

okay so i’ve been seeing around that ten fandoms, ten favorite characters, ten tags thing, and it’s really cool but i have. an idea.

ten fandoms, ten most hated/annoying characters, ten tags. i just think it’d be really funny. i’ll start i’ll also explain each one bc i’m annoying but you don’t have to do that just put the characters if you want lolol

(this is all a joke if you disagree with my most hated characters you can simply disagree on your own house your opinion has nothing to do with me good night)

1. BNHA — Gentle Criminal. that entire arc fucking sucked. i just wanted to see class 1-a’s silly little song and had to deal with a whole adult committing crimes for views. hated it.

2. Harry Potter — Severus Snape. he fucking sucks. he doesn’t deserve redemption. he doesn’t deserve atonement. i hope he’s having a terrible time in HELL bc that’s where he went when he died

3. Percy Jackson — Quiron. idk he just annoys me a lot. he is so unhelpful. like he’s supposed to take care of all these children and then he just lets them die???? sir i know demigods just Do That but can’t you at least send a goddamn responsible adult to help them a bit on missions instead of letting them go on their merry way to DIE. send a fucking satyr idk

4. The 100 — Clarke Griffin. i have made so many posts on this. so many posts on why i hate her. honestly just search “anti clarke” on my blog and you’ll find it. she’s the fucking worst and i’m GLAD that the show ended with the hopeful message of “everyone deserves atonement and happiness, except clarke”. loved that.

5. Friends — Ross Geller. i hope he chokes i despise him i just do i barely remember anything from friends i watched it long ago and didn’t even finish but he sucks

6. The Vampire Diaries — Elena Gilbert. i never finished it and i watched it literally like 5 years ago but so annoying. so annoying. so annoying. the victim complex? god i hate her. do i remember any of her scenes? no, i do not. does she annoy me anyway? yes she does

7. Stranger Things — Mike Wheeler. such an annoying, obnoxious child. i wish i could punch him in the face and break his teeth

8. The Hunger Games — Gale Hawthorne. i also have to reread this bc it’s been too long but just. gale deserves no rights. he simply doesn’t deserve them. he deserves to rot. terrible guy. annoying. sexist. terrible. jail for gale. it even rhymes, it’s meant to be

9. MCU — Hawkeye. i just Don’t Like Him. hawkeye from the comics is great tho, love the guy. but not the mcu guy. it’s just a gut feeling i can’t explain it

10. Game of Thrones — Jaime Lannister. he wasn’t even that bad it’s just that cersei was the greatest fucking character ever she was CRAZY and i loved her for it and then jaime just. he just seemed so bland next to her and he was next to her a LOT. like where’s the taste??? where’s the spice??? it’s nowhere. he’s just a stack of flour. obviously there were characters who were TERRIBLE people, but i liked them as characters, yk? jaime was just boring. poor guy

no pressure tags: @loversamongus @shegosato @catsmain @xxoperatexx @azucanela @alittlebitofcinnamon @randomfangirl82 @highpriestessrebek @dylanobrienisbatman @strawberry-tea and anyone who wants to do it!!! be salty y’all. be mean without any consequences. love it

[dilfdarthvader]

thanks for the tag @anakinfruit (:

1. Why did you choose your URL?

well, vader is a dilf and i want the world to know. and i want to use this time to clarify that this is not a joke. i am a simp for vader

2. Any side blogs?

no y’all just get to see all of my interests

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

uhh my first blog i got in 2011 when i was 14, but i wasn’t active for a long time after it got super toxic on here circa 2015.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

no and honestly? i don’t get queues. like why do they exist. why do they matter. like i maybe get it for like, corporations. but for a fandom blog? i do not understand.

5. Why did you start your blog?

idk bc i’m a whore for social media and like to look at art and shitposts

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

the background is the bi colors and darth vader is a bisexual icon ✨💕🥰

7. Why did you choose your header?

i made a joke in the tags and then @bauemily made a joke on discord about that, and then she made the header and i’m still laughing about it.

8. What post of yours has the most notes?

unfortunately, this post where i complained about ppl taking fandom too seriously 😭

9. How many mutuals do you have?

fuck if i know. 50? 75?

10. How many followers do you have?

i rarely check, but i think 251

11. How many blogs do you follow?

last i checked, 267

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

yea but they rarely get anywhere which is fine bc i usually regret them

13. How often do use Tumblr a day?

uhh i check it about 3-5 times a day, more if i’m bored and less if i’m busy

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

hmm no but i’ve been blocked and i have done the blocking

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

a terrible form of activism, toxic, bad for furthering any progressive ideals, literally hurts the left

16. Do you like tag games?

yea! i don’t always do them bc i forget, but i really do enjoy them!

17. Do you like ask games?

yea!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

tumblr famous is ridiculous, but i know a lot of mutuals have decent followings

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

no, but many are the lomls cough cough the mad server cough cough

tagging @sword-and-stars @annnesbonny @bauemily @burnt-oranges and whoever else!

[basket-of-radiants]

Okay finished section 2 and then some. A few general impressions.

Pattern arc pattern arc pattern arc pattern arc pattern arc pattern arc

(Honestly, I guessed Pattern used the cube from the moment she decided there were three specific suspects. It reminded me a lot of Vin and OreSeur/TenSoon in mistborn. How dare she suspect Vathah though, like I’m glad she brought him along bc I like him a lot, but how dare.)

But like, can we all just appreciate how great and perfect Pattern is?

His jokes are objectively the best. Sorry Hoid, you will never be as funny  or as charismatic as Pattern.

Still don’t know what to make of the Veil/Radiant stuff. I’m glad that Radiant has become more of her own thing, but man.

I’m sort of living for all this ghostblood stuff. It’s one of my favorite plot threads and I’m really excited to see it play out. Also like. Is Mraize seriously trying to murder Lift???? What?? I mean I guess he does do a lot of murder but come on Mraize it’s hard for me to root for all your nefarious schemes when you start doing that.

Adolin is great. I love Adolin. I missed him in section 1. I’m already missing him in section 3. This is so sad. I love his current relationship with Dalinar though. It’s a lot and it’s great. His arc seems to really be about him coming into his own right now, and also the power of friendship, and it’s all really nice. I think it’s great that he’s completely uncompromising on having murdered Sadeas, Adolin knows what he’s doing.

I’m so sad how short-lived Kaladin’s surgeon/therapy career was. I loved that.

Cool that the singers took over Urithiru though. #TeamSinger.

Honestly I’m...kind of vibing with Raboniel.

That’s not to say I don’t love the Sibling because I do, they’re so good.

And all this stuff with Taravangian?? Looking forward to seeing where that goes too.

Oh wait, I feel that, if for nothing other than the brand of my blog, I should discuss the Vyre interlude. Okay. 1) He and Khen were totally dating this past year and just had the most boring breakup imaginable don’t @ me. 2) Seriously what the fuck is wrong with him, he has 60% of his emotions instantly sapped away from him what the fuck? 3) Were it not for all the evil stuff, his character would be in kind of an adorable place right now. I just like how he has the authority to do literally whatever he wants and he chooses to personally complete every manual labor task in the city.

I saw the little graphic for the Venli/Eshonai flashbacks and it made me want to cry.

Spotlight moment: Szeth being tossed around like a ragdoll by Nale. Very aesthetic. (Honestly Szeth, Dalinar, and Nale grabbed each other a lot in that chapter.)

Speaking of, we’ve finally got Szeth hovering directly behind Dalinar at literally all times, like in my dreams.

Anyway a bunch of other stuff as well, sorry I can’t say every single thought here.

Wait did I mention how great Pattern is?

And how Pattern and Adolin have been total MVP’s?

Did I say that yet?

Why’s section 3 gotta not have them? :(

[babysizedfics]

my roman brain is zooming again so: what is the longest either of the boys have ever been little, and what would be a little roman/big virgil scenario??? im just imagining slightly perplexed caregivers because vee is clearly big and ro is clearly little and its New but they Vibe anyway and roman feeling cared for as part of the family and like his age dreaming isnt just asking for attent— heck i’m projecting like a lot of people on this blog but ?? also YAY im super glad you’re happy! —smallanon

here we go first hc of the day!!

firstly: the longest they've been little

for roman it was when he was preparing the garden wedding for his cgs! he was just full of childish excitement because he felt like a secret agent since he didnt tell anyone about it bc it was a surprise

and he just kept imagining how happy lo and pat would be and how proud they would be that he made all the decorations - so for pretty much the entire week before the wedding he was little!! he just had so much energy, he would direct that energy into making things and bouncing around and singing and dancing because if he had let himself be big the excitement actually might have spilled over into him blurting out the secret

so it was honestly a sneaky tactic to get himself to keep it secret

it was so long for him purely because he is very functional and can easily do adult tasks even when he is pretending to be a kid - like my friend duckie explained it, age dreaming is doing childrens activities and behaviours but with an adult mindset

so he could still do his chores and stuff and look after himself (though i think he would have hyperfixated on the wedding and maybe lsot track of time a lot) but it was all imbued with a sense of childish wonderment and hyperactivity

for virgil it's less of a happy scenario, at some point i am going to write this, it's honestly quite venty and completely projecting tbh

one week virgil is headed toward sensory overload but his caregivers are not aware of the signals and do not pick up on it - this culminates one day in them accidentally pushing vee's overload over the edge and he has a full blown autistic meltdown

the fic will explore the actual meltdown and how it is handled so i won't detail that here

but after such an intense and honestly traumatic experience virgil goes mute for a few days and to handle the distress of it all, his brain makes him regress and it doesn't let up for a few days

he is usually only regressed in bouts of a few hours, sometimes for a whole day but after that he usually won't need to regress for another day (the rule with him is roughly 50/50 for big/little headspace)

but this time he is completely in a baby headspace for several days and patton and logan are of course okay with that and offer him so much support and attention and love and are very careful not to overlod him again (because once you have a meltdown things do not go back to normal, you are very hypersensitive and are at risk of another one if you take on too much too fast)

but they are admittedly worried and saddened that virgil was so distressed to warrant such a long regression spell - they wouldnt have it any other way and are relieved now more than ever that virigl has such a healthy coping mechanism, they just wish he wasn't in so much pain

and virgil being around little roman

usually virgil had felt quite unsure and a little uncmfy being around roman while he is big but ro is little - it was a really really rare occurrence anyway though, it probably only happened once before because a) roman is usually omly little because he sees vee is little and b) if vee is big but sees ro little then his baby brother brain kicks in and he just wants ro to be his big brother again so he regresses

but during that week that roman was little before the secret wedding, roman actually had to let him in on the plan because he needed help with some decorations

and virgil is really awkward at first when he realises ro is little while they are sitting in his room while roman makes origami flowers and tries to show him how to do it

he feels a bit weird because he is used to roman being older than him even when theyre big - as much as virgil would never admit it, he does secretly like being the youngest side, it feels safe and comforting even when he's not regressed

but now roman is acting like a little kid and virge is definitely not regressed and he's not sure how to cope with it, his anxiety is hurtling thoughts through his mind about what if roman expects virgil to look after him? what if roman throws a tantrum? what if roman thinks virgil is boring or stupid? what if roman actually regresses and becomes a baby and hurts himself and it would be all virgils fault then everyone would blame him?? (yeah this is anxiety, none of this would actually happen)

but when roman sees that virgils hands are shaking too much to fold the origami, he puts his hands over virgils and rubs his thumbs over vee's knuckles softly and virgil sighs in relief

then roman says its ok if he cant do the origami because roman just thought of another thing that needs doing!! and he hands vee a pile of multicoloured paper and takes a sheet and rips it into strips then rips those strips into little squares

'petals for the flower boy!' he tells vee with a big smile, then wordlessly goes back to his paper lilies

and virgil tentatively picks up the papaer and starts ripping it and OH thats a rlly great sound rrrriiip rrrriiip

so virgil calms down a lot, it's a great stim to tear up paper and soon his fingers arent trembling and he feels a lot more comfortable because even when roman was little and virgil was big, roman was still looking out for him

and actually speaking to little roman isnt so different from speaking to big roman, virgil realises

they joke around a lot and are making lilies and petals for a couple of hours and feeling very relaxed

i do think this big virgil and little roman is really rare just because of how easily vee slips into his headspace but this one instance is very soft to me

[bakatenshii]

Shouto x Marquie HCs

It’s 00:48AM here so technically it is no longer your birthday, but let’s just pretend it is because it’s the 17th in some time zone okay.

I wish I could say I came up with this concept all by myself, but my other ovary @theygottheircages actually did, so you could say she co-wrote this. Anyways, don’t kill me for the first few bits, I promise it’ll get better! Happy birthday my love, my ray of sunshine @mindninjax you deserve all the love in the world.

Shouto Todoroki was never brought up like most children; childhoods filled with laughter and friends, aimless ambitions and whatnot.

He never had any experience interacting with others his age, or anyone really in general. Which brings us to:

Bullet point 1: Shouto Todoroki does not understand social cues.

Shouto Todoroki is a loser

It’s almost painful for us to see him stumble into conflicts in conversations he has no part of being in. (It provides some good entertainment, though)

But Shouto being Shouto, glorified hotter version of Zuko (I SAID WHAT I SAID), still has girls throwing themselves at his feet. No one is surprised. (Except maybe M*neta)

But Shouto also being Shouto means he has no fucking clue about how to treat a girl.

This boy can barely read the room, you think he can understand women? Madness

So as per, after Shouto’s third dumping, everyone came up with a game:

A bet; How long before Shouto gets broken up with this time?

Is it mean? Maybe a lil. But is it funny? It sure fucking is.

He doesn’t get it. Shouto? Cue the confused math lady meme.

He just doesn’t understand why these girls pursue him for weeks, spill their loves out to him, to... break up with him a week later? r/woosh

Anyways, the most recent break-up had him more confused than usual. The girl had said something along the usual lines of, ‘you just don’t get me, do you even like me?’, but then there was a comment slid in there about how she’d found another man who’d treat her better.

Another man? So she didn’t like him while they were dating?

Bullet point 2: Shouto Todoroki did not ask to be cucked.

Up til now, yall are probably like, this is just Shouto slander! Angel, where is protagonist!! We didn’t sign up for this!!! (Except you did, welcome to my blog where I make the rules hehe)

And for this crack headcanon, we throwin’ in a lil twist. In this headcanon, the hero’s not gonna save our protagonist. Our protagonist saves our hero.

Enter: Marquie

Well, technically, Marquie is exiting the building (Angel shut up you’re not funny) of her work when she spots a suspicious young man...

setting fire. To what? fuck knows. 

But there’s the distinct flare of flames that are lighting up the alleyway (yes! another alleyway!! sue me!!!)

and Marquie? Nah, she’s not having that. How dare someone commit arson, do they know how environmentally damaging that is? God

She marches up to the man, already preparing the script to tell him off:

“What are you doing? We can’t afford more pollution, not in this city—“

He turns around and she comes face to face with... 

a Zuko cosplayer. 

With duo-coloured eyes and duo-coloured hair.

It’s all a lil ridiculous because who the hell dyes their hair that colour, but also more concerning is that he’s setting fire to what looks like the iceberg that sank the Titanic. 

(cue a tomato being thrown on stage because that’s positively the worst joke I’ve made up to date)

He just stares at her though, because frankly, he’s a lil slow.

No, but genuinely the screws in his brain’s just turning tryna figure out why this woman’s just coming at him before—

oh.

and he proceeds to deadpan an explanation about being a hero and his quirk that frankly is a bit too convenient but he’s cute and Marquie’s a bit of a sucker for cute boys so.

Marquie!! do we need a bit of background info? Well I’m about to spoonfeed it to yall anyways.

Marquie is the human embodiment of a ray of sunshine, can make conversation with just about anyone, and honestly, you just subconsciously get whirled into it. Caught up in her flow and whatnot.

Which is precisely what happens, and yeah sure, Shouto’s not giving her much to work with, bc since when was he the talker of the century?

He’s still got the same expression on his face, but he’s enjoying it. He swears, can you not tell?

For once, he doesn’t feel as if the girl’s expecting anything out of him, doesn’t feel pressured to fulfill her image of him, whatever that is. He hasn’t even figured it out himself.

She’s so excited, as she always is. Soon as she realized he wasn’t harming the environment, in fact, staying behind to clean up his mess, he was in her good books.

And a hero? Mate, she’s got a list of questions the length of that Spongebob meme. You know the one. (no, not the ‘The’ one.)

It happens naturally, they’re just going with the flow. He’s still not giving out much input, but she’s more than content with whatever singular-word answer he gives.

It’s fun, and cute, blah blah, their personality just meshes, you know?

They’re grabbing food together because Marquie’s just got off work, and he’s off patrol, and honestly, why the fuck not.

The story’s gotta progress somehow, init.

And the story progresses like this:

They start spending more time together, because the area he patrols just happens to be where she works. 

(God! Angel pulling the strings of fate once again.)

He’s frankly surprised she’s not gotten bored of him, or been offended he seemed so ‘disinterested’ (even though he doesn’t think so, it’s just his face, probably)

She’s happy with him just the way he is, he’s good company, although Marquie could make anyone good company. She’s just that likeable.

She knows how to have a good time, and if she has a good time? You can’t help but also have a good time.

I knooow the motto of my blog is ‘fuck a slow burn’ but man, you want me to write fast burn Shouto? (I didn’t make a pun, everyone thank me for that.)

He’s surprised, you know? Never has a girl just spoken to him so casually, without any traces of ulterior motives (not that he could’ve picked any up, what even are social cues?) and somehow, she’s always managed to know what he’s feeling.

She says something like— I can tell by the expression on your face, it’s pretty obvious— to which we reply:

No, Marquie. That’s just you. Shouto’s got a total of 2 distinguishable expressions and it’s when he sees Endeavor and when he doesn’t.

So yeah, whatever, we all know where this is going. He’s blushing more around her, finding himself wanting to see her more and, what do you know.

Bullet point 3: Shouto Todoroki’s got a crush.

Not that he knows what that is. But Marquie sure does, so instead of the guy taking the lead (because fuck gender roles!! yeah!) she makes the first move.

And when she tells him he’s an idiot for not realizing, we’re all snorting because— now you realize he’s an idiot?

Yeah he’s an idiot, but he’s her idiot, you know?

(GAG, VOMIT)

And maybe he’s googling for the first time: Where to take a girl out on the first date? What to buy a girl for her birthday?

He can’t for the life of him figure out why he doesn’t want to fuck this up this time, but it’s okay baby, we’re all patiently waiting for you to grow up. It’s okay. (It’s kinda endearing)

And that leads us to our final point:

Bullet point 4: Shouto Todoroki will never be cucked again. Marquie has saved him from the cucking, congratulations.

You heard it here first: Cuck Wars 2020 has been ended by Marquie. 

tags: @enjifuckersupreme , @theygottheircages , @yukiimanic , @lookslikeleese , @rat-suki , @baku-no-alt , @blahkugo , @sanguinekeigo , @pomsuki , @zahrashallucinations , @saratour , @red-riot-girl642

[twoidiotwriters1]

Young Blood II -(PB/WITS Crossover)

A/N: Peter is also a non-existent character btw, or he never befriended the marauders doesn’t matter the point is that he isn’t here either lmao -Val & Danny

Warnings: Not proofread bc in this blog we don’t fear god

Words: 4,625

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Summer 1988

The day was warm and a little windy, it could’ve been peaceful as well, hadn’t been for the constant screaming coming from the garden.

“Ari! Come back!” The little girl shouted anxiously. “Mum told you not to climb that high, you’re too small!”

Mel ran around the tree desperately trying to reach for her little sister, but as an eight-year-old, there was a limit to the distance her arms could reach. She was whimpering and flinching with every movement her little sister would make; behind her, little Harry Potter and Perseus Black approached with curious expressions.

“What are you doing?” Percy asked.

“She’s up there!” Mel panted. “I’m trying to get Ariana, but she climbed all the way up! I don’t want her to fall!”

“You’re missing the games,” Harry complained. “It’s our party and you’ve been chasing your sister around, c’mon it’s almost time for cake!”

“Daddy told me to look after her!” She argued. “Your parents asked you to do the same with your babies! Where are they?”

The boys shared a look and then turned back to her with equal disinterest on their faces.

“The girls are probably in the kitchen trying to steal food,” Harry shrugged. “Who cares? It’s our party, I’m not going to waste it looking after the twins!”

“Mel,” Percy approached, he was usually the one to mediate between them during an argument. “If we help you with Ariana will you come and play? Dad bought us all new brooms!”

Mel didn’t want to disobey her parents, but the promise of a brand new broom waiting for her was tempting enough.

“Okay,” She sighed.

Ariana laughed hysterically above their heads, she hung upside down on the branch and Mel yelped, quickly hiding her face behind both hands.

“Hi!” Ariana waved at them. “You look tiny!”

“Get her down!” Mel pleaded in horror.

“Maybe if we lure her down with food..?” Harry offered, tilting his head.

“I already tried! She won’t come down!”

“Ari!” Percy stepped forward, an easy-going smirk instantly forming on his face. “Would you get off the tree now, darling?”

“Okay!”

With a swift movement and a short jump Ariana landed neatly in front of them, her lopsided grin mocking her sister’s pale face.

“‘Darling’,” Harry snorted. “You sound like our dads.”

“Dad told me we have to treat girls nicely,” Percy replied without an ounce of embarrassment. “Maybe the twins wouldn’t put shaving cream on your pillow if you were nicer to them.”

Harry made a face. “Whatever.”

“Is it time for cake?” Ariana asked, not really caring about what the boys were arguing about. “I’m hungry!”

She ran back to the house, Mel followed her with her eyes, mouth wide open.

“I hate her,” She pouted. “She always does this— Never listens to me just to make me cry!”

“Well, you cry all the time anyway, Mel,” Harry muttered.

The little girl narrowed her eyes and closed her fist ready to throw a punch, but her father’s head peered out the back door to call them in.

“Remus is here!”

The three children ran forward screaming their uncle’s name. The man opened his arms and the avalanche of children pushed him onto the floor.

“Dear god,” Remus grunted. “I swear your kids multiply every time I come visit.”

“Well, it’s like you said, Remus,” Persephone smirked, lovingly patting her belly. “We have to keep ourselves busy somehow.”

“This is why I hate rich people,” Remus teased, staring down at Persephone’s stomach. “So you’re going for the fourth, then?”

“And last,” Persephone sent a glare at her husband, but the man just grinned.

“What are you saying, you twat?” Sirius chortled. “Those books of yours have given you galleons over galleons! You’re rich, you just won’t admit it.”

“He might not admit it, but his robes speak for him,” James joked, picking up one of the twins from Remus’ chest.

“Kids,” Lily called over the yelling mass of tiny bodies. “Ivy, stop pulling your sister’s leg like that!”

“But I want daddy to carry me too!” The little redheaded girl whined.

“No worries dear, that’s exactly why I was born with two arms!” James said, happily picking up his daughter.

Sirius did the same with his younger son Leo, and Matthew carefully took Ariana away from Remus’ leg.

Seven-year-old Lyra Black approached her uncle and held his hand carefully.

“Are you okay, uncle Moony?” She asked quietly. “You fell.”

“I’m okay,” Remus smiled down at her. “Don’t worry, I’m very strong.”

“Can we eat cake now?” Harry asked in annoyance, the adults looked at him and laughed.

“Harry, don’t be rude!” Lily scolded her son while her youngest one, little Joshua, kept his arms tightly around her neck.

“Okay, gather round!” Emily called, placing three chairs together. “Where are the stars of the show?”

Mel, Percy and Harry sat, shoulders touching and squeezing together to fit as close as possible in front of the table.

“Make a wish!” Sirius said blithely.

Matthew flicked his wand and three huge cakes appeared, each with eight candles on them. Mel squirmed on her place excitedly, Percy eyed them with immense interest without making a sound, and Harry was practically hovering over his, ready to eat the whole thing alone.

“Happy birthday!”

Their families clapped at the sight of the three firstborns of the group blowing off the candles. While Sirius and Persephone started to hand out the cake to the guests, Matthew and Remus moved to a corner to chat.

“So, famous writer Remus Lupin is back from yet another tour around the world,” Matt smiled. “What now, Moony?”

Remus shrugged, his eyes fixed on little Mel, who was the oldest out of all the children.

“I have a new book in mind, but this one might be the last I’ll write in a while, I’ve missed most of the kids’ childhood, I want to be close when the real fun begins.”

Matthew’s smile faltered. “What do you mean?”

“Mel starts school soon,” Remus chuckled. “Harry and Percy as well.”

“Oh, but that’s years away!” Matt brushed it aside. “What does it matter anyway?”

“Oh please, don’t pretend you’re not worried,” Remus laughed. “The boys have all they need to be the next James and Sirius, and your daughter adores them, don’t you think they’ll drag her to their mischief?”

The young man looked at his daughter in sudden fear. Remus was right, Harry and Percy had the genes to charm his little girl into all kinds of mishaps, he couldn’t let that happen. He would not let that happen. Matthew was going to talk to Mel as soon as he had the chance.

October 1991

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?”

“I won’t help you with your stupid pranks,” Mel said.

Percy and Harry had managed to intercept Mel before she could go eat breakfast, and now they were trying to convince her to help with their plans before she could leave the tower. It wasn’t working.

“They’re not stupid!” Harry argued. “We just want to put Percy’s cousin in his place!”

“Not a real cousin—”

“Your dad and his mum are cousins, so you are too,” Harry rolled his eyes.

“I had never seen him in my life until he stormed into our compartment acting all stupid!” Percy made a face.

“I’m sorry boys,” Mel sighed. “I promised my dad, my uncle is the headmaster and dad wants me to make a good impression…”

“You’re such a bore,” Harry frowned. “What happened to you? You used to be funny.”

Mel’s face twisted with indignation, she slammed both hands on the table making the two boys jump.

“I am fun! It’s you two who turned insuferable since we started school! You run around with Ron and his brothers pranking people and annoying Malfoy, everyone melts at your feet because your families are rich and popular—”

“You’re rich too,” Percy pointed.

“But I, unlike you, don’t enjoy being the center of attention,” She scowled. “I thought you would be better than this, Percy, you’re supposed to be the sensible one.”

“I am!” Percy replied. “But it’s just… Malfoy, he really gets on my nerves, you know?”

“Well, if you ask me, I think Hermione’s right,” Mel turned up her nose. “You boys are being ridiculous.”

“C���mon, don’t be silly,” Harry let out a silly giggle. “You never say no to a good laugh, it’ll be fun!”

Mel’s brown eyes stared at him harshly, Harry felt a cold shiver ran up his spine.

“I have to set a good example for my sister,” She said. “Leave me alone — and Percy, I hope you think twice before actually doing this, I really don’t understand why you agreed to it.”

“I already told you, Malfoy gets on my nerves!” Percy rolled his eyes. “He’s an idiot and I hate him. I’m not repeating myself, honestly…”

“Idiots,” Mel rolled her eyes. “Both of you, your mothers will send you a howler someday and I for once, am glad I don’t have to be there to witness it. Have fun in detention.”

Harry was speechless. Never, in their whole eleven years of friendship, had Mel refused to help them or show up for moral support. He didn’t understand why she was suddenly acting like this.

“Mel, you’re overreacting,” Percy said, though he was losing his patience. “Even your parents misbehaved when they were here, you should relax, have fun…”

“I’m having fun,” Mel picked up her bag. “Hermione and Erick are fun. Clever too, I enjoy their company — now that I think about it, I don’t think I’ll be listening to you from now on, Paddie, since you clearly prefer to follow Harry around, if I’m honest,” Mel looked down at Harry with a bit of disdain. “Your cousin isn’t even that bad.”

Both boys gasped at her statement.

“He’s not my direct cousin!” Percy said.

Mel left the common room without saying anything else, Ron entered the tower at the same time and she briefly waved at him. He found the two boys there, seated in silent shock, and asked them what was happening.

“Mel, that’s what,” Percy shook his head sadly. “We’ve lost her... I knew I shouldn’t have let her spend all that time with Granger!”

“And Flint,” Harry said through gritted teeth. “She prefers Flint over us! I can’t believe he took away my best friend!”

Percy looked back at him with utter disbelief. “And what the bloody hell am I, then?”

“She’ll come around,” Ron shrugged. “Granger and Flint only care about studying, she can’t possibly love homework that much.”

“I’ll win her back, you’ll see,” Harry’s eyes narrowed. “Mel was my friend first.”

August 1993

“WHAT?”

“I won’t repeat myself, James.”

“Hang on, so you’re saying Dumbledore hired you,” Matthew intervened. “As the new defense against the dark arts teacher?”

“Yes.”

“Even though Snape has been trying to get that place for years?” Matt added, a little smile playing on his lips.

Remus smirked, nodding silently.

Sirius and James roared with pleased cackles, Matthew’s eyes shone and his smile widened, although he tried his very best to remain neutral, typical Dumbledore behaviour.

Emily walked into the room to say goodbye to her husband, the men usually picked a house where to hang out once a month while the women would all spend a whole day in London simply having fun and leaving their husbands to babysit their children for a whole weekend.

“Remus got hired to be our kids’ teacher, Mily,” Sirius said delightedly. “Guess what subject he’ll be teaching?”

Emily froze, her eyes widening.

“You got the job?”

Remus laughed, nodding once again.

“Snape must be having a seizure,” She replied. “Had it coming, the idiot — Mel says he likes to bully our kids, what kind of man is he?”

“Yeah, Harry says that too,” James said darkly. “I’m telling you right now, if that twat tries to bully my girls I’ll go to that castle and turn him into a weasel.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Remus said happily. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Do the kids know about this?”

“Nah, I want it to be a surprise.”

“I’m sure they’ll be delighted,” Matthew grinned. “Their favourite uncle teaching them how to deal with water demons and stuff, bet they’ll plan to cause mischief during your classes, Moony, so you better be careful.”

“There’s no way Mel will let them get away with it,” Emily shook her head. “She’s a good girl… even if she misbehaves a little during summer.”

“Hey, Moony, do me a favour,” Sirius leaned over to Remus, grinning. “Take a picture of good ol’ Snivellus once he finds out you’re the new teacher, I just need to see his face.”

September 1st, 1993

The night sky welcomed the children into the Hogsmeade station, the Potter twins ran away as soon as they left the train, following other first-years, Lyra and Ariana stayed behind with Mel, Harry, Percy, Ron, Hermione and Erick.

Ariana tried to remain as close as possible to Erick, she had a not-so-subtle crush on him and everyone except Erick knew it, or at least that’s what she thought. Erick was well aware of it, but since she was two years younger, he wasn’t interested. It wasn’t that she was trying to make a move anyway, whenever he was around, Ariana was uncapable of uttering a word.

Once they got to the carriages they had to split since the group was too big to fit in one.

“See you guys at the feast,” Hermione said politely.

“Sure,” Ron answered.

Mel made an attempt to follow Hermione, but a hand closed around her wrist and stopped her. She turned and met Harry’s eager eyes.

“Let Lyra go with them, you can come with us...”

“I never said I wanted to go with them,” Lyra frowned. “It’s rude to speak in the name of others, you know?”

Percy’s sister followed Ariana to the other carriage, Ron and Percy shared a smirk but didn’t say anything, climbing up the carriage first and leaving Harry and Mel last.

Harry didn’t know why he’d stopped Mel from going, he just knew that as soon as the school year started she was going to leave him and spend the whole year with Hermione and Flint, and he didn’t want that.

As soon as they got to the main entrance Mel tried to find her way to Hermione once more, but Harry stopped her again. Mel let out an annoyed groan and turned to face him.

“What?” She spat.

“Eat with us,” Harry said simply. “C’mon, Mel, just this once?”

Ron whispered something to Percy and he snorted, pulling the Weasley away from the conversation. Mel and Harry were left completely alone one more time.

“We sit at the same table every day, Glasses,” She replied patiently. “I don’t see the difference.”

“The difference is that we have tons of fun during summer and then here you ignore us,” Harry said.

“I don’t ignore you,” She crossed her arms. “I keep my distance. Which is what my dad asked me to do.”

“Ruddy’s exaggerating,” Harry rolled his eyes. “We don’t get in trouble that often!”

Mel raised a brow.

“You have no self-control. All Percy has to do is to dare you and then there you are, throwing firecrackers at Filch. You say I’m the one who acts different, but the truth’s that you and Percy turn into insufferable prats as soon as we walk into the castle.”

Harry’s mouth fell open in shock, he blinked and stammered a reply, something about lies and Mel’s lack of sense of humour when she was at Hogwarts, she sighed.

“Listen, I don’t care if you like the attention, but I don’t, so please don’t try to force me to get involved. You should reconsider your behaviour this year though, Cassia and Ivy are starting their first year, they need someone to look up to.”

“They have you, since I’m such a twat,” He scoffed.

“Very well then,” Mel said, straightening her posture and looking at Harry with just a little bit of pitty. “Have fun, Glasses.”

Once the sorting was over, Cassia and Ivy Potter (both Gryffindors to no one’s surprise) sat next to Mel, although they were doing just fine without her, they were loud and hilarious, soon Fred and George made their way to them.

Harry continued to stare at Mel from his seat, frowning as he watched her talk happily with Ron’s brothers, Percy was fed up with this and decided to address it.

“She rejected your offer again,” He said calmly. “Told you not to try so soon.”

“Well, why don’t you try it, then? Since you’re such a know-it-all?” Harry responded defensively.

“That was the original plan, you prat, but as usual your impulsive arse couldn’t wait,” Percy scoffed.

“I don’t understand why you want her around all the time,” Ron yawned. “I like Mel, she’s fun and everything, but we wouldn’t get as many attention from the girls as we do now if she were with us, right?”

Both Percy and Harry stared at their friend with the same shocked expression. Since they didn’t reply, Ron decided to continue.

“You guys are wasting your time, almost every girl from our year wants you to ask them out to Hogsmeade this year and you’re crying because Mel won’t help you light a firecracker!”

“I never asked them to follow me around!” Percy exclaimed. “I don’t know why they do it!”

“It’s because you’re ‘perfect’,” Ron smirked. “Girls melt at your feet when you hold the door open or offer your little sister your cloak so she doesn’t get a cold.”

“That’s the way Dad taught me to treat people, isn’t that how everyone’s supposed to act? It’s decency!”

Ron looked at Harry and raised a brow.

“See? That’s exactly what I mean. ‘Decency’ I tell you…”

“That’s not the point,” Harry brushed it aside. “I don’t want to date any girls, I just want Mel to admit that we’re fun! Either way she would atract more girls than any of us, she’s a people magnet— and I know she likes to cause mischief as much as us, but it’s just… this has to be Flint’s fault.”

“How is Mel calling you a twat his fault?” Percy snorted.

“He’s a stuck-up idiot, just like your cousin dearest, only that he hides it better,” Harry said. “Mel wants his approval for some reason, so she acts like she hates us when he’s around.”

“Yup,” Ron said in disbelief. “That settles it then, you’re off your rocker. You’ve lost it.”

“Harry, she would never pretend to hate someone to get a boy’s approval,” Percy shook his head. “You have to face it, mate, she doesn’t like to cause mischief, she… she likes being a good student.”

Ron and Harry both grimaced.

“Well, that,” Ron grinned. “Or she has a crush on Flint.”

Harry choked on his pumpkin juice.

“WHAT?”

“We know Ariana has a crush on him,” The young Weasley shrugged. “Who says she can’t?”

Harry’s mouth suddenly felt too dry to respond, at the teachers’ table Dumbledore stood up and everyone fell silent. It was time for his speech.

“To our new students, welcome,” He smiled. “To our old students, welcome back! A few things before you go to your rooms. This year will have two new Professors! I reckon you know them well by now, but still, formalities ask me to do this presentation. First, we have Rubeus Hagrid, who’ll be the Care of Magical Creatures Professor, since Kettleburn has decided to finally retire.”

The students clapped and cheered, Hagrid was loved by most of the school, Harry and his friends included.

“Second, I’m very pleased to inform you that your new Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts is none other than Mr Remus Lupin, who’s decided to take a break from writing to teach you about his discoveries during his years of research.”

The Great Hall erupted into loud and excited exclamations, Lupin was widely known in the wizarding community for his work, the Aurors in training would use his books as a guide, he was a legend. But to the Potter, Black and Dumbledore children, Lupin was their favourite uncle, and they were beyond pleased to have him around.

Remus walked towards the front of the table and smiled at the students in front of him with satisfaction, he gave a short speech thanking Dumbledore for this opportunity and winked at his nieces and nephews with a bit of mischief. He, of course, took the opportunity to send Snape a subtle smirk and nodded towards him, Snape pretended not to notice.

Once the hall started to be emptied, the group of children ran excitedly towards the table, their faces glowing with happiness.

“You should’ve told us!” Harry exclaimed.

“I wanted to surprise you,” Lupin laughed, softly patting his goddaughter’s shoulder, since Mel was currently hugging him.

“You’ll stay permanently?” Percy asked.

“As long as I’m allowed,” The man nodded. “Or at least, as long as there’s one of you here, which will be a long time. I’ve missed too many moments, I don’t want to miss any more.”

“Cool!” exclaimed the Potter twins.

“Wait, does that mean you’ll tell your parents if we get in trouble?” Harry frowned.

Mel scoffed, which didn’t go unnoticed.

“Nah,” Remus grinned. “I think Professor McGonagall takes care of that. Doesn’t mean I won’t send you to detention if I catch you cheating on a test or using magic in the halls. You won’t get any kind of privilege from me, you hear me?”

Harry, Cassia and Ivy all groaned. Percy sighed in resignation, Ariana and Lyra were just happy to have their uncle around. Mel finally broke the hug, she looked at the others ready to lead them like she always did.

“Time for bed, everyone!” She said. “Let’s go!”

As usual, the group obeyed and walked out of the hall after saying goodbye to Lupin, already looking forward to the classes with him. Lyra and Ariana wished the others a goodnight and left to their respective common rooms. Hermione, Erick and Ron were nowhere to be found, and when Percy, Harry, the twins and Mel got to the tower, Percy stopped her before she could go to bed.

Harry wanted to stay too, but the twins dragged him away while they excitedly begged him to give them a tour around the castle the next morning.

“Okay, this is the one time I’m asking you this year,” Percy said. “Harry’s driving me and Ron mad. Please, help us with one of our pranks so he can shut up.”

“You know my answer, Paddie,” Mel tilted her head sweetly. “I can’t. If I help you and then I get away with it people will think it’s my uncle turning a blind eye on me and then Ariana will try and follow along, you know how she is.”

“C’mon, Mel,” Percy implored. “Can’t you just pretend to be at least slightly interested? Harry’s losing his mind, I’m telling you — the twins will call you boring!”

Mel’s mouth twitched a bit and her eyes narrowed, she was adored by the younger girls, she didn’t want to lose that and Percy knew it. She pushed her hair back in exasperation and huffed.

“No. Stop asking.”

Percy ran a hand across his face tiredly and shook his head.

“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” He raised a brow. “Harry’s getting desperate, and he won’t play nice.”

“What do you mean?” Mel asked, but Percy was already halfway to the stairs. “Black! What do you mean?”

The boy merely looked at her over his shoulder, a cocky grin on his face as he shrugged without speaking.

“Oh, no...” Mel shivered, already sensing what was coming her way.

May 1994

Saturday mornings were usually peaceful around the castle, Remus enjoyed strolling around the empty halls, but today the peace and quiet was rudely interrupted by a bunch of shouting kids.

“HARRY JAMES POTTER I SAID STOP!”

Remus freezes immediately at the familiar sound. He’s heard that voice before, but he’s never heard it so angry, more so when pronouncing the boy’s name. He carefully turns the corner and looks at the scene:

Percy, Ron and Harry are all staring at Mel with exasperated expressions, behind her Draco Malfoy and Vincent Crabbe float above them, cursing and demanding to be let down. Hermione Granger stands at the corner, looking at the boys suspended in the middle of the hall and she’s between amusement and horror.

“Mellow, didn’t you hear what he called ‘Mione?” Harry demands. “He said—”

“I heard it,” Mel replies bluntly. “But hanging him upside down won’t make him stop, he’ll just want to get back at you like he always does!”

“That’s alright, we have all the time in the world to put him in his place,” Ron shrugs, casually twisting his wand and causing Crabbe to crash against Malfoy.

“Don’t you think this is getting a bit old?” The girl steps forward but Percy gets in the way, raising a brow at her as if silently saying ‘D’you really think you can stop us?’ “Ugh! This is so stupid! You’re acting like children, you’re too old for this kind of stuff!”

“You look so pretty when you’re angry,” Harry teases.

Remus almost wants to laugh at the absurdity of this, the story somehow is repeating itself, how did this happen? Mel and Harry were getting along just fine last July…

He then abruptly remembers that he’s a teacher and he’s currently watching three Gryffindor students attack two Slytherins, he can’t stand there and just watch!

“What’s going on here?” Remus asks in what he hopes is his most convincing angry voice.

Percy’s eyes widen at the sight of his uncle but he expertly recovers, he gives a step forward to the man and and speaks in a polite voice.

“Malfoy was insulting Miss Granger, Professor, he called her… well…”

“He called her a mudblood,” Harry made a face. “As if he’s made of anything better than dung.”

“Enough,” Remus looks up at the boys floating above them and raises a brow. “Well? What are you waiting for?”

Mel pushes Percy aside, he complains under his breath.

“I tried to stop them,” She says to the man. “They weren’t listening — Can you please tell them they’re being stupid?”

“I can’t tell them that, Miss Dumbledore,” He raises a brow. “I saw what you were trying to do, you and Miss Granger can leave, I’ll take it from here.”

Mel nods and turns around to take Hermione away, Percy’s eyes find Hermione’s and he tilts his head lightly, vaguely making a head movement as if saying ‘you’re welcome’, and he smirks a bit. Hermione doesn’t reciprocate, she frowns. Percy’s expression falls instantly.

Harry mumbles something to Mel as she walks past him and she stops, looks him directly in the eye, and responds:

“You are the biggest prat ever.”

Ron chortles beside them, Harry’s jaw tenses as he watches her leave.

“Better luck next time, Harry,” He grins.

Malfoy and Crabbe are already on the ground demanding Remus to send the three boys to detention, and he has to admit he can’t ignore this, he looks at Harry and the boy sighs heavily.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” He pushes his hair out of his face. “Detention for a week.”

‘I have to talk to the others,’ Remus thinks, watching the three boys leave the hall without looking even remotely sorry about their actions.

Next Chapter —>

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