#i honestly feel like this one is so much worse than the first ughhhh

[m1d-45]

hidden blessings

summary: thoma takes you to the teahouse, but you two are interrupted. you don’t know whether it’s fortunate or not, but it will affect your trajectory within inazuma.

a/n: this one goes out to @shizunxie and @alexteea, who asked for a part two to small miracles. i now fear talking in the tags [/hj].

word count: ~2.1k

-> warnings: spoilers for inazuma archon quest, spoilers for ayato story quest, probably out of character ayato…. green tea?

-> lowercase intended!

taglist: @samarill

<< first part || < masterlist > || third part >>

komore teahouse is warm.

the moment the door opens, it’s the first thing you notice. the air smells of honey and spices, heated by some invisible fire. your hand is still in thoma’s, leading you behind him as he moves into the teahouse.

taroumaru sits up a little straighter on the counter as you two approach, but doesn’t seem on guard. strange, considering you’re not a member of the kamisatos, but since you have thoma with you…

“hey there taroumaru! is anybody here?”

the dog barks once. you don’t know what that means, but thoma seems satisfied, pulling you to one of the tea rooms.

“komore teahouse is owned and operated by the yashiro commission, so only those approved by the con can enter. whoever your hiding from-“ how did he know? “-can’t get in here, alright?”

he waves at a cushion and starts to fiddle with a tea set, lighting a small flame on the end of one of his fingers for the heating element. it’s strange to see such nonchalant usage of his vision… but wouldn’t that be normal here?

people with dendro visions selling herbs grown to order, hydro users automatically refilling their drinks, anemo wielders catching a dropped pen or paper before it hits the ground…

not for the first time, you wonder how you ended up in such a world.

“there! that should be ready soon. i’ve made you green tea, hope you don’t mind.”

you shake your head. even plain water would be fine to relieve the burn of salt on your tongue, and the fact that he went so far to make you tea when he barely knew you..

you lick your lips, “thank you.”

he waves it off with a laugh, sitting down himself. “oh, don’t worry about it. and please, save your breath, id hate for you to irritate your throat on my behalf.”

you swallow. salt stings. you’re quickly getting tired of the taste.

“that being said, i do have some questions, if you don’t mind. for starters, you are hiding from the shogunate, right?”

you pause, watching the fire flicker. yes, he’s with the yashiro commission, but he personally had to hide with yoimiya from the vision hunt decree, didn’t he?

you nod.

“thought so… well, the good news is that i can help you, but you have to tell me why they’re looking for you, alright?”

there it is. the fact that he went so long without asking why you were hiding is a testament to his character, but even he couldn’t trust fully when he’s so close to the kamisatos.

though, he did bring you into the teahouse…

“you stay here, and i’ll go get a notepad from the back room. if the tea’s done by then, feel free to pour yourself a cup!”

he stands up from his spot and exits the tearoom, hesitating for a moment in the doorway before undoing the string keeping the cover tied above the doorway. the mat rolls down smoothly, swaying, and you’re suddenly alone in the room.

though being ‘alone’ probably doesn’t apply in a tearoom belonging to the kamisato clan. you don’t remember seeing the girl at the front, nor have you heard the other two NPCs inside, but that must only mean there’s more security elsewhere.

and that the clan must have moved the prior personnel.

…like to hunt for the imposter running around teyvat.

no matter how kind they looked, they were still involved with the shogunate. there’s no way they haven’t heard of the situation, and have likely dispatched some of their best to find you.

and you’ve walked right into one of their bases.

suddenly the warmth in the room feels oppressive, the soft smell of green tea overwhelming. you shouldn’t have caved. you shouldn’t have agreed to come with thoma, shouldn’t have let his kindness pull at your bruised, beaten heart, you shouldn’t you shouldn’t you shouldn’t-

“-ot necessary, my lord, i-“

“-best for you. please, allow-“

words outside your room pull you from your thoughts, muffled by your heartbeat in your ears. it’s familiar but you don’t know why, footsteps and voices passing through the thin walls. three men are speaking, and are quickly approaching your room.

you tense, but settle for grabbing a spoon to try and soothe yourself. they won’t come in here, you tell yourself. you have to trust thoma.

the footsteps stop.

“is this the room?”

it’s not your room. it’s not. you’re safe in the teahouse. you have to be. thoma is on your side.

fingers fit between the mat and the floor, carefully curling the edge to roll it back up.

no.

three sets of shoes appear. two are dark, one dressier with a golden design on it, and the third are taller, heeled, with a buckle. the mat rolls higher, almost ridiculously slow, revealing details you struggle to place.

white pants. brown striped shorts. a black belt, a jacket lined with purple on the inside, yellow tassels and black gloves and you hate that you don’t know who it is.

the mat reaches the ceiling, hands you now recognize as thoma’s tying it back up.

to his side are two men. one is dressed simply, like the many NPCs around the city, and the other…

kamisato ayato.

his clothes are far simpler than his model, but he’s unmistakable. calculating lavender eyes, framed by deceptively soft eyeliner and baby blue bangs. the vision dangling off his hip, the set of his shoulders….

it’s only by sheer will that your terror doesn’t show on your face.

the unidentified man hums, crossing his arms, and thoma looked between the two of them with obvious unease. they must be the voices you heard.

“hello.”

ayato is the one who breaks the silence, and you almost wish he hadn’t. his presence is far more intimidating in person, very much so what you should have expected from somebody of his status. you clutch your spoon tighter.

“i don’t recognize them, my lord,” the unnamed man says, and something in ayato’s eyes shift. you can’t decide if it’s better or worse.

“so you’re the one that’s caught thoma’s eye.” ayato walks into the room, taking a seat across the table from you. “why?”

you shouldn’t be surprised he knew that. you still are, as information couldn’t possibly be passed all the way to him in time for him to arrive.

thoma walks in, taking off the pot you didn’t notice was boiling, attempting to break the tension by pouring out two cups of tea.

the pot hesitates over the third cup. “hisashi, would you like some tea?”

hisashi. why is that name familiar?

the man—hisashi—shakes his head, but does walk in to lean against the doorframe. “no.”

the teapot is set back down on the table, but ayato raises a hand as thoma steps away.

“please, stay. i have as many questions for you as i do for…?”

his eyes turn to you and you can feel the bitter taste of salt burn away any thought you have of responding. the tea looks too hot to drink, and you’re not sure if green tea would taste the same here anyway.

“ah, i never got you your notepad!”

thoma tries to leave for a second time, and ayato stops him again with a questioning look.

what had you gotten yourself into?

“they’re sick, and their voice doesn’t sound too good. i was getting them a pen and paper to ask my own questions before..”

a small smile crossed the commissioner���s face. “excellent job, thoma. you may leave; and please, take your time.”

thoma quickly bows before leaving with hurried steps.

ayato’s gaze returns to you, and he picks up his cup, swirling it twice before taking a small sip. his eyes sweep your figure, pausing momentarily on the hand with the spoon. you let it go, pulling your hand back into your lap, and he hums. after another drink, he sets down his cup.

“you should really try some,” he says, nodding at your untouched tea. “thoma always makes excellent tea.”

you don’t doubt it, but you’re not keen on drinking something still steaming. it may be wise to drink it, something something green tea has medicinal properties and the warmth will ease your throat…. you still don’t touch it.

his eyes flash, and you feel like you passed some sort of test.

“are the shogunate after you?”

you nod.

“do you know why?”

you hesitate. you technically do, as it’s likely the same reason you were chased out of liyue and everywhere prior, but you still don’t know why they’re accusing you of such things. you didn’t do anything initially, you’d barely gotten out your name before…

“interesting.” you look back from where your eyes have wandered, seeing his smile has grown. apparently your silence was answer enough. “you’re not from inazuma.”

it’s not a question, but you shake your head no anyways.

“and yet you know me.”

why wouldn’t you? he’s the head of the yashiro commission, a prominent figure in inazuman politics. even outside of inazuma, surely there’s people that know the yashiro commissioner, right? you know he stays out of the public eye most chances, and that ayaka handles that side of things, but still. it can’t be that rare.

ayato takes another drink of his tea. you wonder when thoma will come back. ayato told him to ‘take his time,’ but finding a pen and paper shouldn’t…

…oh.

kamisato ayato. what else did you expect?

“do you have any plans to stay in inazuma?”

you didnt have plans at all, really. you fully expected to die in the ocean, whether by the fall or the waves or the rocks below. perhaps even osial, if you were unlucky. all you wanted was food and maybe some clothes; you didn’t think you’d get this far.

you shrug.

“given your state, i doubt you can leave,” he points out. “do you even have any mora?”

the jab works better than you thought it would, the memory of the kind hilichurls sharing the mora from the chests they guarded for you to get things from marketplaces sparking defensiveness. of course you have mora, because you had friends.

“even if you did-“ oh, he is far too good at his job “-i don’t believe it’s enough for you to make yourself presentable enough to get a job.” he’s speaking to his teacup, watching the tea swirl. “so i offer you a deal.”

of course. of course he wants a deal.

“you tell me why the shogunate is after you, and i will protect you from them.”

what.

there’s no way he could do that. he couldn’t just go against the tenryou commission like that. there’s no way. there has to be a catch.

“i can see you’re confused.” if you weren’t certain it would hurt, you’d have said something sharp in reply. “thoma is an excellent judge of character. though he is sometimes far too kind for his own good, he still knows a criminal when he sees one. i am inclined to agree with his judgement, and this wouldn’t be the first time the tenryou commission has unwittingly accused an innocent.”

…huh?

the sudden tone shift sends your brain in a loop, repeating his words over in your mind. he was offering you an out? why was he willing to go so far from his duties for somebody he didn’t know?

ayato finishes his tea, setting down the empty cup on a platter. he seems to be waiting for your response, surprisingly, and the only problem is that you don’t know what to say.

you’re faced with the same dilemma again: trust, and get involved with people that could get you in severe trouble were you to be caught, or decline, and risk getting caught quicker by giving up that safety.

footsteps project thoma’s rearrival. he hesitated in the doorway, likely sensing the tension, but comes in anyway, placing down first a plain notepad, then a similarly simple pen on top.

“would you like anything else, my lord?”

“sit, please.”

thoma pauses again, and it’s comforting to know that not everybody here knows everything.

that point is driven further home when he chooses to sit next to you rather than ayato.

the commissioner himself seems shocked, his eyes widening slightly as he sits up straighter. beside you, thoma’s hands twist in his lap, and you wonder if even he knows why he chose what he did.

ayato clears his throat, catching your attention once more.

“do you accept?”

[lesbianloser69]

It’s such a simple thing really, but “do you want me to be alive?” is one of, if not the saddest, things written in the entire world of one piece. Although, maybe thats just because of my soft spot for found family tropes (especially siblings lol)

Ace is just a small little boy here, a fragile thing compared to the character we all know. This is a harsh contrast compared to Ace in his adulthood, where he’s fueled by his ache to prove himself and prove that he’s more than his father. You never would have guessed the reality of his childhood, considering the cheery and almost comedic relief he can be at times.

I guess I kind of expected this, though. Aces hatred for himself and feeling that he doesn’t deserve to be alive was first hinted through his self deprecative jokes, before we ever knew about his past or who he was. I noticed this myself, that through the facade of sarcasm and cockiness there’s just a guy who feels like his life is a burden to all those around him. And what does it all come down to? His blood, the last name that he refuses to bear out of his hatred for the man who gave it its meaning.

Ace going by his mothers last name isn’t just a testimony for his respect and love for her, but also an act of defiance against his father. I don’t blame him lol, but it’s honestly heartbreaking that Ace has no idea that Roger did love him, and Ace died not knowing this.

The result of Rogers actions on the world though basically fucked Ace over for his entire life, and that was what made Roger selfish.. to go and cause a war and then have a son? It’s no surprise that Ace is seen as the child of the devil, because that’s exactly what Roger was seen as.. the devil.

So for all of Aces childhood he’s taught one thing: that his father was the devil, and that he is the child of that monster. That he doesn’t deserve to live, and what’s worse is he has to listen to strangers talk about murdering Rogers son, if he ever had one. He’s barely even lived to know anything, he’s just a baby, and he already believes what the ENTIRE world thinks of him, he’s hated and worthless and a burden. That’s so much for a 10 year old to have to carry alone, and it’s even sadder to see how this causes Ace to be shut off and cold to everyone he meets.

But of course he is.. hearing people talk about murdering him if he did exist (not directly him because no one knows Ace is Rogers son, except Garp and the mountain bandits. Besides, the world believed Roger having a son was a rumor anyway.) doesn’t make his hatred for anyone he meets that unsurprising. For all he knows, they want him dead too.

When Ace meets Luffy, he’s completely baffled that this boy he’s never met before wants to be his friend! How can someone WANT to be his friend? No ones ever been like that to Ace before, except for Sabo. Even after Ace pushes Luffy away, and makes it extremely obvious he hates him and doesn’t want Luffy near him, Luffy doesn’t give up. He’s urgently insistent on being Aces friend.

So…

“You feel better when you’re around me?”

“You need me?”

Ace is almost at a loss for words here. Luffy feels better around him, Luffy needs him. He’s wanted, he’s loved and he’s cared for, someone notices him for more than just a mistake, that is both beautiful and heartbreaking. And back to this panel:

The way ace nervously fidgets with his hands here (I believe he is, anyway) and his head is tilted downwards.. he’s clearly asking something that means everything to him.

“Do you want me to be alive?”

And little Luffy just instantly, without hesitation, says of course is soooo fucking cute and sweet and UGHHHH!!! Luffy is the first person to EVER say he WANTS (fr gotta emphasize on the want) Ace to be alive. This changed the trajectory of Aces life forever.

I guess I’ll stop here but there’s so much more I could talk about and say.. but Ace and Luffy are very special to me

my small babies☹️

[mdhwrites]

Love your wenclair fic! Your meta about Enid's character arc is also really good. It was great reading your thoughts, but I wish you'd go into more detail on the failed allegory of it all.

I just absolutely can not get over the sheer ridiculous failure of an idea that was "lycanthropy conversion camp". What were they thinking????? It doesn't work on any level at all. Apparently being a "late bloomer" is a common enough issue they run multiple camps for it? But if it's that common why is it so stigmatized??? The show never seems to come right out and say there are wolves who never fully shift, and Enid's claws point to her shifting eventually, so it becomes merely a matter of timing before the person "converts". That's a disgusting thing to have associated with the fucking torture of queer youth to force them to conform. And the attempt to cash in on lgbtq+ sympathy through this is just gross.

Ughhhh. I really loved Enid and Wednesday's characterization, some of the dialogue was spot on, but it really felt like whoever wrote the overarching plot had no idea what they were doing.

Thank you! I'm really happy with everything I've been doing in Risk Life, even though I still wish I was getting more done. DAMN YOU MENTAL HEALTH! *sigh* I am curious how much having three different directors for the show caused some of the issues with the arcs honestly. Tim Burton seems to push more for the idea of puberty early on, thus the term late bloomer at all and the idea of never finding a mate. A werewolf that never 'grows up' can never be a part of their society is what it feels like effectively. It also makes the claws kind of make sense because it's such a minor and small thing that it makes Enid feel like she's almost playing at being a big bad wolf when she's got her claws out. Then, when it changes directors on episode 5, that's when we start seeing more of the LGBTQ+ allegory. Unfortunately, the two just... don't mix. As much as I would love the reality to be different, this is the only story I've ever seen where coming out as gay or the like is how you are MORE accepted by your society which feels disingenuous to the experiences I mostly see from LGBTQ+ youth. A lot of people do find comfort in Enid's plotline though so if they do, I say more power to them. Also, the directors theory doesn't really explain everything since I think the writers don't change between episodes? I'm not as certain about that. Oh, and for anyone who doesn't know: Tim Burton directed the first four episodes, then the last four were split between two other directors who did two episodes each. As for the camp stuff, I'm still on the side of it just being... dumb. Especially since yeah, you're right, there's MULTIPLE camps for this? How large is the werewolf population then that you can run multiple of these? That multiple of them are possibly profitable? These are outcasts and rare divergences from 'normies', right? And yeah, as you said, it'd s SUBSET of that race that then needs to go to these camps. It's just... It's impressive how many levels of failure this is, not just on an allegorical level but a world building level. The one saving grace I'll give it is that the show doesn't take its fantasy elements seriously, for better and for worse. It's very much so there more for flavor than substance so it makes a general audience less likely to care about the actual world building. And for some stuff that's fine. For something directly correlating to real life atrocities done to the LGBTQ+... Less okay. That's why from a general writing standpoint I'll give it a sigh and a roll of my eyes but as allegory, I still growl and hiss. I also want to shout out though one theory a friend of mine had for the camps. It's that you get thrown into the wilderness with nothing to survive with so it's wolf out or die. Not literally, as the people running the camp will save you but you're meant to be put in such a do or die situation that you do transform. How does that fit into anything allegorically? It... doesn't so it still doesn't work but at least from a fantasy perspective it explains what they are. It's more of an answer than we'll likely ever get from the show at this point.

And my final note for 'they didn't seem to know their overarching plot' is going to be to Crackstone. Not even how he's a hypocrite who only has power because of his staff. No, it's how we go from a show that has fairly light fantasy elements to "SHE PUT A BLOOD CURSE ON HIM, DOOMING HIS SOUL!" Lady, I think we have skipped about at least a whole season's worth of build up to this level of fantasy, thank you very much! When the fuck was this shit on the table!? But yeah, I could rant more but this is long enough as is and getting off topic. ^^; I'm happy you're enjoying Risk Life, Not Love so much and uh, I might have some original sapphics of mine being free in a few days so keep an eye out for that!

[chososcamgirl]

HIHIHIHI IYAAA SOOOO I JUST CAME BACK FROM HANGING OUT W MY FRIENDSSS AND I DIDNT BUY ANYTHINGG (was gonna spend @ Sephora but ended up reasoning with myself and put everything away YAY ME) BUTTTTTT WE DID END UP WATCHING JOKER 2 SOO IM GONNA RANT ABT IT (to make up for the lost check ins) 😈

HOW WAS WORKK??? HOPE IT WAS VERY SKIBIDIIII!!! TELL ME ABTT IT SIGMA ALPHA IYA🐺💪‼️

I FORGOT IF I SENT MY ACTUALLY DAILY CHECK IN TODAY (I write them in my notes) SO TELL ME IF U DONT SEE IT AND ILL PASTE IT OVER TO TUMBLR (im pretty sure I did but I THINK I FORGOT TO TURN ON ANON SO IF I ACCIDENTALLY DID A BLOG REVEAL KEEP MY IDENTITY A MYSTERY 🤫 BUT TELL ME SO I CAN RESEND MY DAILY ASK) 

OMG I RENTED A POWERBANK AND ACCIDENTALLY BROUGHT IT BACK WITH ME… ITS NEARLY 12AM HERE SO I NEED TO GO BACK TMRW (im gonna get charged about like $40 SOMEONE SHOOT ME OMFG) AT LEAST I GET AN EXCUSE TO GO TO THE MALL TMRW THO?? 

ALSOOO I FOUND A STORE HIRING NEAR MY SCHOOLLLL I RLLY WANT TO GET A PART TIME SO I MIGHTTT CONSIDER IT BUT THEN I WOULD NEED TO FIND THE TIME TO ACTUALLY COMMIT IF I DO WANT TO PURSUE ITTTT

OMGROIGOJIOJIR REMEMBER HOW I MENTIONED I WRITE IN MY SLEEP?? TURNS OUT THAT LIKE A WEEK AGO.. I FELL ASLEEP WHILE DOING HOMEWORK AND STARTED WRITING ABOUT MY RACE IN MY SLEEP.. AND I DIDNT BOTHER TO CHECK IT WHEN I WOKE UP ON MY DESK IN THE MORNING SO I TURNED THAT SHIT IN WITHOUT NOTICING I RANTED ABOUT MY FUCKING RACE ON MY ASSIGNMENT…. MY TEACHER WAS SO FUCKING CONFUSED ON WHY I STATED I WASN’T WHITE ON MY PAPER AND TOLD ME THAT THEY THOUGHT I MIGHT OF BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS MENTALLY… THE FACT I HAD TO ADMIT IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS SLEEP WRITING??? IM GONNA END IT PLEASEEE THATS SO EMBARRASSINMGGGG IT WAS HELLA FUNNY THO.. I WOULD POST THE PICTUJRE BUT I CANT </3 CUS OF ANON *sighs* 

ITSSS SJAPP WEEKENDDDDDD IM SO EXCITED ITLL BE 5AM WHERE I LIVE SO THAT MEANS I GET TO WAKE UP TO A NEW CHAPTERRRR

SPOILER WARNING FOR JOKER 2 ‼️‼️

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Okay I was a HUGE fan of the first movie which was why I was excited to see the second one with my friends but honestly… IT WAS SO ASSSSS

First, I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS GONNA BE A MUSICAL like I don’t mind musicals, they can be BANGERS and the first few songs were good BUT as the film progressed the songs just felt so unnecessary and awkward👿😭

UGHHHH OMFGGGG IM SOOOOO PISSED ABGT HOW DIRTY THEY DID MISS QUINN IN THE SEQUEL!!!! I LOVE HARLEY QUINN AND GAGA BUT LIKE HER BACKSTORY IN THIS MOVIE AND HER WHOLE PERSONALITY IS NOT ITTTTTT PLUSSS GAGA I LOVE UR VOICE BUT OMFGG I SWEAR THE SINGING WAS TOOOOO EXCESSIVE ARNTRJNSR THEY DID HER SOO DIRTYY.. GAGA WAS ROBBED.. SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SOOOO MUCH MORE BUT HER CHARACTER WAS JUST.. BLEH..

HONESTLY IF YOU TOOK OUT ALL THE MUSICAL FACTORS THEN THE MOVIE WOULD FEEL LIKE A 2HR LECTURE… AND THE RUN TIME??? TWO HRS IS INSANE FOR SUCH A PLOT 

THERE WERE NO PLANS OF A SEQUEL AND THEY SHOULD OF KEPTTT IT THAT WAYYY OMGGG THIS WAS SUCH AN OBVIOUS CASHGRAB.. THE FIRST ONE CLEARLY HAD PASSION, THIS ONE WAS JUST FOR MONEY THERES A REASON WHY THE RATING IS SO LOWWWWWW

STILL THO, THE MOVIE HAD GOOD SCENES AND ALL THE ACTORS HAD THEIR MOMENTS  .

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. OKKKK HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY SIGMA NIGHT!!! SWEET DREAMS I LOVE YOU DAWG 💪🔥

- 🐺

HI ALPHA!!🐺

responding to ur most recent ask sent on saturday night hello‼️‼️‼️

IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD FUN WITH UR FRIENDS!!! im glad🙂‍↕️ hanging out with ur friends always makes life better even if its for that moment it’s still very much worth it <33 HOORAY FOR REASONABLE SPENDING🎉🎉 u are stronger than me alpha.. sephora and i are in a current battle and i fear she’s winning😰

WORK THIS WEEK HAS BEEN SO GOOD!! i worked 4 days in a row all either opening or closing (or both) but they were all good shifts! i’m just very exhausted from this week though like mentally and physically😭 i slept most of the day away yesterday and im just trying to rest up again today because my throat is actually getting worse which KMS.

NO LMFAO UR FINE!! if u do happen to reveal urself don’t worry i’ll keep it a secret 🤫🤫🤐 WHAT? $40 OH MU GOD what the fuck that is SO EXPENSIVE TO RETURN IT i would just keep it at that point.. but atleast it’s another excuse to go to da mall🤗🙂‍↕️ YIPEE! oooo job searching! that’s exciting. though part time is a big commitment just bc you can’t change ur hours once it’s set in place but if you want to apply for it then i say go for it!! as long as u have the time for it 100%!!

OH MY GOD😭😭 NOT ON THE HOMEWORK TOO PLS that actually made me giggle please. don’t worry abt it though i’ve seen worse!! sleep writing is a talent that u should not be embarrassed abt, you’re good‼️🙂‍↕️

IVE HEARD SO MANY BAD REVIEWS ABOUT THE MOVIE LIKE the fact that they break out into song randomly etc😭 i wanted to watch it but the reviews are making me rethink spending $15 on a movie ticket… ill probably not watch it and watch the substance instead (apparently that’s fucked) BUT ILL LYK!!!

THANK YOU ALPHA!! I HOPE YOU HAVE A VERY SIGMA DAY‼️ ILY🫵🫂

[mageofseven]

Part 3 with Beel and Belphie is ready!

Part 1 | Part 2

~

Beelzebub:

The big guy noticed the changes with his girlfriend before she even mentioned them; the sixth brother is pretty observant with those he cares about after all.

Whenever he discussed how worried he was about her, about her lethargy and dizzy spells, the woman would just smile and say she was fine, that it was just her body being off and human bodies are just weird like this at times.

Beel didn't know much about the human body so he chose to believe his Muffin on this, even if he was still worried.

As the months went on, MC started to gain weight. The demon noticed this, but it really didn't faze him at first; he didn't mind it if his girlfriend was a bit rounder in her torso.

What he did mind however was how self-conscious his girlfriend got about it. She had been eating a lot more recently and she couldn't really fight it, but she also hated every pound gained from it all.

Beel always told her how beautiful she was and how her weight never changed that to him.

However, she'd glance down at how her belly poked out now and looked to her boyfriend, who was so incredibly strong and was practically the living definition of fitness and was so good looking... and she couldn't help but fall even deeper into the slow burning feeling of loathing with of her own body.

One day, MC asked if she could go to the gym with him. The Avatar of Gluttony was immediately tense because she still wasn't feeling well, but he knew it would probably make her feel a bit better if she was exercising and actively working on what was bothering her

So he agreed, but the man couldn't bring himself to do his usual workout routine with her there. The big guy was just too worried about his Muffin.

At one point, the man just noticed that something seemed off about his Human.

He set down the weights and walked over to the treadmill she was on-- and got there just in time to catch her as she fainted.

Luckily, the woman woke up fairly quickly, but her boyfriend had enough; no more exercise for her, not until she got her dizziness under control.

For the next few days, the MC was extra depressed and just found herself in bed more, usually snuggled up with either Beel or Belphie.

It was one such day when the cramping started.

She had gotten to lay with Beel for awhile, but eventually he had to leave for the game with his teammates.

Usually, MC would go and watch him play, but since her cramps were so bad, she didn't really have this option.

She was cuddled up in bed with Belphie when the redhead gave her a kiss goodbye and told her and his twin that he'd come straight home, receiving a nod from his Muffin and a thumbs up from his twin.

The pain just got worse while he was gone though and things evolved to MC gripping onto the Avatar of Sloth and heavily sobbing into his chest.

The seventh brother couldn't move and get help; everytime he tried, the human would beg between sobs for him not to leave her. He couldn't call for help either because he realized that he left his phone up in the planetarium.

Belphie was stuck with the sobbing human for over three hours until Beel came home.

Eventually, MC could feel something lowering within her and the need to push was unbearable.

"B-Belphie, help me up!"

The man did as he was told and helped her off the bed.

Beely came into the room just in time to see his girlfriend squatting and pushing out the head while his twin held onto her to help keep her balanced.

Eyes wide, the demon ran to girlfriend. His brain wasn't fully registering what the heck was happening, but his immediate reaction was still to rush to her side and help her.

MC immediately grabbed onto her boyfriend.

"B-Beely--uhhh... i-it's coming out."

Still deeply confused and concerned, the man's gaze dropped down between her legs, now letting himself focus on the head between them.

MC... his Muffin was having his baby!

Okay action then thoughts. Right now, the man just had to be there for her.

"Belphie, go tell Lucifer. We need a doctor."

The man was really trying to keep calm for his Muffin.

Without really pausing to answer, his twin rushed out the door.

"It's okay, Muffin, I'm here."

The redhead held onto his girlfriend and encouraged her as she pushed.

When the baby was finally pushed out enough to be freed from it's mom, Beel already had his hands around it so it didn't fall to the floor.

The demon forgot to breathe for a minute as he stared down at his daughter. His daughter.

Smiling, Beel lifted his gaze back to his girlfriend, but found that the woman was still crying in pain.

"Muffin?"

"I-It still--ughhhh, I think there's another."

The man's eyes widen.

Beel noticed his girlfriend's legs shaking and knew she wouldn't be able to keep herself up.

He adjusted his hold on his little girl before guiding MC onto the bed to lay down. He stayed between her legs and continued to give her encouraging words.

Since their sister already stretched the way open for them, the second baby was crowning in very little time.

A few minutes later, MC birthed the second baby, another girl. Both girls had his wings, horns, even his hair and eye color.

The man held both girls in his arms, already overwhelmed with his love for them, before looking up at MC, who was regaining her breath.

Beel sat down next to her and kissed her cheek.

"Are you alright?"

His girlfriend nodded, gaze falling to their girls.

"Beely... we're parents now?"

Beel smiled and nodded.

"I..." The woman sighed. "How did this even happen?"

"I dunno... are you okay with this, Muffin?"

"...Are you?"

His smile grew.

"Yeah."

She gave her boyfriend a small smile.

"Then... I am too."

Beel leaned down and kissed her.

"Good. I love you... I love our girls." The demon smiled down at the twins in his arms before meeting MC's eyes again. "This is... a dream. All at once, I got everything I wanted in life. I'll make sure to give you and the girls everything I can."

The doctor finally came a few minutes later, obviously late. Still, he checked MC and the girls to make sure they were okay and before he even left, the rest of House of Lamentation knew that the two were now parents.

Belphegor:

It took Belphie a bit longer than his twin to realize something was wrong with MC.

Sleepy boy... well, has a sleepy mind.

Not to say that it took him long though; while Beel noticed the human feeling off in his scenario on the first day, it took his twin about three days.

Honestly, he wasn't really worried about how tired they got. Hell, that just meant more naps they could take together so the Avatar of Sloth was winning in that regard.

He didn't really care about the weight gain either. Yeah, he teased her about it a bit, but it was always followed by wrapping his arms around her waist and if his words actually hurt her, which sometimes they did, he'd sleepily kiss their neck, their cheek, their lips

"It was a joke, Butthead." He'd tell them. "If anything, you're even cuter with a belly."

And the boy thrived off the blush that came after.

What the boy didn't enjoy, however, was her dizzy spells. The woman would go pale and suddenly have to grab onto him. Sometimes, MC would even full on faint and he'd have to quickly catch her before she hit the ground.

The first time that happened, the two were on their way to lunch at RAD and suddenly his girlfriend stopped walking. He turned around to ask why she stopped just for the woman to fall forward and for him to have to scramble to catch her.

Luckily, the woman was only out for a minute and was confused when she woke up in her boyfriend's arms, laying on the hallway floor at RAD.

Belphie took her straight home after that, not even giving the human the option to stick around and finish the school day.

The demon didn't understand what was wrong with his Human and whenever he'd ask MC, the woman didn't seem too concerned. Lightly, yes, but she said it'd probably correct itself and human bodies are just weird for the sake of being weird sometimes.

The seventh brother wasn't sure that he believed it, but he also didn't have any other answer so he just chose to leave it at that.

Basically, it was months of Sleepy Boy pretending he didn't care, but secretly hovering over his girlfriend.

After nine months of this hovering, it finally ended.

The two were upstairs in the attic, napping.

MC had been having cramps all day and Belphie suggested just sleeping through them, saying that eventually they will just go away.

Technically, he was right, just not in a way he expected.

He woke up to MC heavily sobbing his name. The man jolted awake and found his girlfriend gripping his shirt and burying her face in his chest.

"What's wrong--"

That's when he noticed the bed was... wet? Why was it wet?

"B-Belphie, somethings--gaaahh." The woman was panting through the pain.

The demon threw the blanket off of her and saw that the bed was soaked, as was her leggings, but there was also a slight bulge.

He pulled them down and saw that she was crowning.

His eyes went wide. She's pregnant? How the hell is she pregnant?

He looked back up at MC, who was still crying from the contractions, and knew he had to handle this before anything else.

He got up from the bed and positioned himself between her legs.

"You gotta push." He told her. "It's not gonna end if you don't push, Butthead."

His voice was firm, but tinged with some sympathy.

The woman was in too much pain to argue.

It took twenty minutes, but the MC managed to push the baby out half way, only to be pulled out completely by her boyfriend.

The demon stared down at the baby, a boy with his tail, eyes, and hair, and didn't know how to feel. He had gotten so focused on helping MC that his emotions felt lightyears away.

The human cried out and his head snapped up to look see her still writhing in pain.

Was there another one? The man quickly found out that there was.

And so it all repeated.

Once the second one was born, a little girl with his horns and eyes, but MC's hair, Belphie stared down at the twins on the bed, crying at the top of their lungs.

The man was already so tired of hearing cries.

"B-Belphie..."

He looked up at MC, who had a panicked expression on her face.

Leaving the twins laying between her legs, the Avatar of Sloth went back to his side of the bed and pulled her into his arms.

Neither said a word for a while. The only sound in the room were their twins' cries.

"I didn't know..." MC mumbled.

Belphie pulled back to meet her eyes, just staring into them for a full minute.

"Promise me. Promise that it's true and you didn't know."

"I promise. I swear on everything I have with you that I had no idea."

He sighed.

"Okay." He leaned in and kissed her.

After a moment or two, he pulled away and looked down at the crying babies on the bed.

"So... what do you wanna do with them?"

"I..." The woman stared down at her babies. "C-Can you bring them to me?"

Her boyfriend nodded and scooped up the babies one at a time to bring into her arms.

The woman brought them to her chest, causing them to finally stop crying in favor of feeding from her.

Belphie watched this quietly, not really sure what else to do.

After about a minute or two, MC spoke up.

"Belphie... would you be mad at me... if I said I wanted to keep them?"

The woman knew her boyfriend wasn't a fan of kids, a topic they always clashed with a bit. MC didn't think she could survive losing her twins in anyway now that they're here, but she worried about what Belphie would think of this.

The man pursed his lips. He honestly never wanted kids before, never liked them. Still though... he felt odd. Different.

Maybe it was seeing MC hold his children so sweetly in this moment, but he wasn't as against this as he always imagined himself to be.

Was he at the beginning of developing paternal feelings or was he simply not strong enough to take away something that his girlfriend obviously wanted so much? The demon wasn't sure.

"No. I'm not mad." He shook his head. "I... damn, I don't understand how this is happening but... if you want this then I'm here for the long haul. I'll take care of them; I'll take care of you. We'll do this together."

~

Part 1 | Part 2

[syndianites]

A Queen Serve and Protects

Chapter Six

First Chapter –> Last Chapter –> Current –> Next Chapter TBA! Summary:

Post-Style Queen, Pre-Queen Wasp.

Chloe finds the Bee Miraculous, but instead of finding an obliging, subservient Kwami, she finds the Kwami of Order and Subjugation, and Pollen is not about to let herself be used like Nooroo was.

Granted, the only danger in a teenage girl is the damage she poses to herself. Can Pollen shape Chloe into a hero? Or will she stubbornly refuse to change and remain the bitter, harsh person the city has long since known?

[My take on how Chloe’s character could have developed] ——————————————————————————————

Pollen tapped the tablet pen on the table. School had ended and the duo was officially home.

“Chloe,” Pollen began. “It has come to my attention that you don’t do your own work.”

“So?” Chloe nonchalantly replied, crossing one leg over the other from where she sat on the chaise in front of Pollen.

Pollen tried not to roll her eyes. “So, I want you to learn how to be self-sufficient.”

Chloe scoffed. “I am plenty self-sufficient.”

“Really?” Pollen had a sweet smile on her face. “Then prove it.”

:readmore:

Before Chloe could make any remark, Polle flew over to her school bag. It looked more like a purse, honestly, with how much makeup and accessories she had stashed away inside. Seriously, what did you need an extra pair of heels for?

Pollen shook off the thought and grabbed the binder Chloe used for class, as well as her homework folder. Brining both items back to the table, she flipped the folder open. She pulled out the first sheet of homework she saw- something math related- and waved a paw at it.

Chloe gave her a dumbfounded look. “You want me to do that? Sabrina normally does.”

Pollen raised an eyebrow.

“Ugh, fine, I get it.” Chloe grumbled. “What does doing my own work have to do with being self-sufficient anyway?”

“When was the last time you did your own school work.”

“Ughhhh!”

Letting out a little giggle, Pollen decided to make a compromise, “For every question you get correct, I’ll let you ask a question about the Bee miraculous and its powers. However!” Pollen held a paw up before Chloe could get too excited, “For each you get wrong, you have to listen to some history and background on the miraculous.”

“Ooo-kay? How is that a loss for me? I still get to know what I want to know,” Chloe replied.

If only the poor girl knew.

Pollen beamed. “I’m glad you asked! You know how much you love our ‘Bee Nice’ Sessions?”

Chloe groaned.

“Anything I tell you will come along with lessons. I will tell you tales that are important for a number of reasons. And you have to sit through all of them!”

Chloe’s eye twitched. That sounded excruciating. Buuuut, she did want to know more about what powers the Bee miraculous could give her. It was just a simple math worksheet. Surely, it couldn’t be that hard. So Chloe took out a blank sheet of paper and began working.

She was wrong. So, so wrong. Chloe was by no means a bad student. She got solid B’s and pleased her daddy enough with her grades to get by. Did she need to have a study session with Sabrina before each test or quiz to get the contents down? Yes.

But that was all pish-posh. She figured if she could pick up enough for a test or quiz a day before it, she could do homework with no problem. Apparently, she hadn’t been giving Sabrina enough credit. That girl made it so much easier than this.

It didn’t help that her notes were a total disaster. Half-finished sentences, unclear instructions, and a clear lack of interest in each page. For a moment Chloe cursed her own apathy. She wanted to know more, damnit! 

By the time she finished she felt exhausted. Pollen, ever chipper, hummed as she looked through each question. She procured a pen and started making marks. That was a lot of red. Oh GOD, there was so much red.

Pollen tapped the pen to her chin in thought. Giving a nod, she wrote a score at the top of her sheet.

6/15. 

That was just under half! And that meant she would have failed had it been a test. Chloe resisted the urge to hit her head on the table. She could not afford to be forced into tutoring. Again.

Despite Chloe’s despair, Pollen was excited. This was better than she was expecting! Sure, she had been hoping for closer to a 75% or 80%, but Chloe at least had the idea down.

Plus this meant she could drill some more lessons into her charge.

Rubbing her paws together, she addressed Chloe. “Alright. Since it is almost an even split, let’s go back and forth with questions and history. I’ll start with a history lesson first, since you missed more than you got correct. But since I’m feeling nice, I’ll give you a choice here: Would you rather hear some history about my previous holders first, or about all the miraculous as a whole?”

“Your past wielders, of course! I need to know who would be so lucky to use the same miraculous as moi.” Chloe flipped her hair back to accentuate her point.

Pollen huffed. Nonetheless, she thought back to her past holders, humming all the while. Who would be the best to start with to help Chloe learn? 

She smiled as someone came to mind. “Now, before we start, I should say that we aren’t always deployed to battle some great evil. Sometimes, we are let out into the world to help inspire something. For me, I either inspire Order and Control. Or, when that gets to be too much, I inspire freedom from Order and Control.”

“Wait,” Chloe interrupted. “Why would you go against your whole Order thing?”

“I thought you wanted to talk about past wielders first,” Pollen brought a paw up to her lips to hide a smile. “To get into that would mean I would have to talk about all the miraculous.”

“Ugh, fine, whatever. Tell me the basics about all the miraculous first. But! You better tell me about your past users after!” Chloe conceded, pouting at the little god.

Pollen started again. “Like I said, we don’t always need a great evil to fight. At their core, each miraculous is meant to balance out their respective aspects. Tikki- Ladybug’s kwami- is the kwami of Light and Creation, for example. She is largely put out into the world to inspire new ideas and innovation.”

Chloe scrunched her nose in confusion. “Didn’t you say you also get put out to stop Order and Control? Why would you ever want to stop Light and Creation?”

“Well,” Pollen looked off to the side. “You can’t endlessly create. Tikki works on a more individual scale. She inspires Light and Creation in people as individuals. I, however, inspire Order and Subj- Control in a much larger scheme. After all, a bee’s focus is on the hive, isn’t it?”

“In any case, sometimes people burn themselves out when creating too much or spreading too much light. If you give and give and give, what is left for you? Nothing. And those left with nothing often crumble and fall apart- or worse. Tikki, when she is needed to, can either help her holder ease off themselves or help their holder teach others to let go of such demanding responsibility.”

Chloe nodded slowly. That… sort of made sense. “So it’s like when Adr- a friend of mine kept being happy and smiling even after his mother died to help others stop being sad. Because he wanted others to feel ‘lighter’” She made finger quotes, “Despite the tragedy that happened?”

“Yes, that could be a good example,” Pollen agreed. “If your friend gave away all his light and such to others, it could burn him out and leave him feeling empty and cold. Though, in this case I would lean more into the Peacock- he worked to give good emotion to others to cover their grief. But we’ll get there in a moment.”

“Plagg, Chat Noir’s kwami, is Tikki’s counterpart. He is the kwami of Dark and Destruction.” Pollen stopped as Chloe seemed to ponder that.

“If he is all about dark and destruction, wouldn’t that make him more likely to be evil?” Chloe mused.

Pollen, for her part, wasn’t bothered by the question. “If I am all about order and control, wouldn’t I be more likely to use and abuse people?”

Chloe bit her lip, but shook her head no.

“Exactly. Just because that is what we represent it does not mean we are prone to be good or evil. In the balance of all things, there IS no good and evil. Really, it just comes down to what a certain group likes or dislikes, or how a person’s morals are aligned.”

“Okay, no, Hawkmoth is totally evil. There is no doubt about that. How could taking control of others and using their emotions to turn them into monsters be seen as a good thing?” Chloe didn’t like the idea of Hawkmoth being in the ‘right’ at all. It went against everything he had done to Paris.

“Well,” Polled offered, “Does Hawkmoth see himself as evil?”

Chloe sat back in her seat. If movies were anything to go by, he probably didn’t. She sighed and motioned Pollen to continue

Pollen pushed on. “In any case, Plagg is often put into the world to ruin things. Surprising, isn’t it? But sometimes the best things are made in the ashes of destruction. Growing from losing things is important for many people. Like how your friend lost his mom- he likely felt sad and lost. But if he grew from that? He could learn to see that others will have his back and he can lean on them. Even in the hard times.”

Chloe looked away from Pollen. She was right, sort of. When Adrien’s mom died, Chloe had been there trying her best to cheer him up. Did it really work? No. But she helped him escape the house and run around the city with her, and watch stupid cartoons and shows, and sometimes, just sometimes, get him to smile.

“But losing your mom isn’t a good thing!” Chloe snapped back. “That devastated my friend and his family.”

“I know, and I’m sorry I painted it as such. Loss is a horrible thing to endure. But I wanted to make a connection to something you mentioned.” Pollen bowed her head. “Destruction is rarely a happy thing. But, a more positive example would be something more metaphorical- the destruction of insecurities, or breaking a bad relationship, or- or bashing down a wall so you can open up a room to have more space!”

Sighing, Pollen shook her head. “It is far too easy to see Dark and Destruction as a bad thing. Darkness can be used to hide when you don’t feel safe. Or it can be used to tone down how bright something is when you feel blinded. It can also be used as a complement and give things more depth.”

“Of course, Plagg has also been put out to tame destruction. Have you ever heard the phrase ‘fighting fire with fire’? It’s the idea that you fight destruction with destruction. But he can also help people see their bad habits, or the things that hurt them, and get them to reign them in and stop themselves before it’s too late.”

“Okay, sure, that makes sense. But didn’t you just describe Tikki and Plagg as opposites anyway? Light and Dark, Creation and Destruction? Why do they need to get people to go against their aspect when the other IS the opposite?” Chloe butt in.

Pollen brightened. “That’s technically later in this lesson, but I can touch on it now. You’ve likely noticed that Ladybug and Chat Noir came together as a pair, correct?” At Chloe’s nod, she continued. “That is because they are like Yin and Yang- opposites that complete each other. While other kwamis do have opposites, none quite work the same as Tikki and Plagg. They were once a single being- one that was the kwami of Balance.”

“Well,” Pollen rubbed her cheek, “They weren’t a kwami, per se. But that is too much to explain for right now. You recall how Hawkmoth’s goal is to get the Ladybug and Black Cat miraculous?”

“Of course, that’s all he ever talks about when he akumatizes someone!”

“Well, that’s because when you combine the two into one you can have any wish granted.”

“What!” Chloe slammed her hands down on the coffee table, startling Pollen. “That’s horrible! I mean, the power is cool, but if Hawkmoth got his grubby hands on that wish who knows what he would wish for!” 

“Exactly! But there’s a catch with that- whatever you wish for will have an equal and opposite consequence. If you wished for someone to come back to life? Someone else must die. If you want to have all the power in the world? Everyone else must become powerless. These may sound simple, but the gravity is just as dire as the wish would be grand.”

Chloe fell back. “So, if I- well, if I wished for my mom to love me..?”

“It depends,” Pollen shrugged. “Maybe everyone else around you would hate you. Maybe your father would stop loving you. Or, in a more subtle fashion, she wouldn’t love the real you, just a facsimile of you. Whoever she thinks you are. Sure, there are ways to make a wish that has a mostly positive outcome- for the one making the wish- but the consequence will always hurt someone. Even if it has to be a lot of someones.”

The two fell into silence after that declaration. It was a heavy thought. What could drive someone to want to change something so badly they would be willing to suffer or let others suffer for it? How cold hearted must you be? 

The whole thing baffled Chloe. She could just ring her father and have what she wanted with no consequence. Could she imagine doing something so drastic as to ruin someone’s life to make hers better?

Instead of voicing any of this, Chloe leaned forward. “So tell me about the other miraculous…”

[script-nef]

First kiss | Kirishima Eijirou

Request: Hi! Can u do the prompt of when one stops the kiss to whisper “I’m sorry, are you sure you-” and they answer by kissing them more with kirishima from BNHA! My boy is a gentleman THATS ALL I GOTTA SAY UGH SO MANLY

Y'all see this? Y'all see this??? THIS IS CALLED THE TRUTH MAH BOY IS SO DAMN RESPECTFUL AND LOVING GO BABY GO

Sorry this took so long, I had an idea in mind but it didn’t seem to flow and boom, a new one came and this happened. I hope you like it!!

Category: crack? fluff

1.4k words; why doesn’t your loveable and affectionate boyfriend ever kiss you? It’s time to find out.

Eijirou is an absolute gentleman, easily the best boyfriend you ever had. He’s incredibly attentive, lively, supportive and patient. Always free to give out affection in the form of hugs and small gifts, he makes sure to shower you with his feelings. You couldn’t ask for a better significant other.

But he doesn’t really kiss you for some reason. Small pecks, yes, but just on the nose or cheeks. Even then, nothing really longer or deeper than that. It never comes up in conversations since his unending love for you is proven through practically every other type of physical contact, but it’s confusing. You’d think he would fall over himself for a chance to kiss you. 

Concerns ranging from “do I have bad breath?” to “is he not sure of our relationship yet?” plague your thoughts, and it’s honestly emotionally taxing. And the worse thing is that you can’t ask him about it! Whenever you try to bring the topic up, he gives you that brilliant smile and the words die in your mouth. 

Curse him and his stupid, adorable, heavenly and squishable face. Ughhhh, why am I like this. I need hel— hm.

So instead of stewing it over by yourself, you turn to your girlfriends for their opinion.

“Are you kidding me? He’s in love with you so much we can feel it radiating from him! I thought I didn’t see you guys kissing because you’re too shy or something like that!”

“No, he just doesn’t. I don’t understand either, we’ve been going out for over half a year! Does he just hate kissing or is something about me off-putting and he’s not saying it to spare my feelings?” Groans escape as you fall onto the bed with a soft ‘thump’. The room is filled with muffled sounds as you press the pillow against your face. They watch as you roll over dejectedly on the blanket.

“I don’t think so, [Name]-chan. I overheard him talking about you once, kero. He was screaming to someone in his room about wanting to. I think he’s just nervous, kero.” Heat shoots up your face at her words and you scramble to face Tsuyu-chan.

“Re-really? Should I talk to him about it? He shouldn’t be nervous, he knows I love him.”

“You really should if it’s bothering you this much. Communication is key in relationships you know.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I should, I should.”

Which is why Eijirou notices your fidgeting in your weekly study session. It’s been a tradition between you two long before moving into the Heights Alliance. It’s usually composed of a couple of hours of studying with lots of mini breaks, then eventually watching YouTube videos or movies before you return to your room. 

This week’s session is cut short as he finally puts his pencil down after watching you glance or straight-up stare at him for at least 30 minutes.

“[Name]-chan, is something wrong? Are you feeling unwell?” His hand seeks yours out, frown forming in worry. This face always gets you to open up. Even before you started dating, Eijirou had a special puppy-eyes-and-baby-pout of “please tell me what’s going on” that never failed to make you crack. Since he figured that out, he uses it relentlessly.

I have to say it. The words stop just before your throat but you force them out. 

“Don’t take this in a weird or wrong way, but why do you never, you know, kiss me?” He freezes at your question. His eyes visibly bounce around and the reaction is almost comical. You would have laughed if it weren’t for the anxiety gnawing away at every single cell in your body. “Is there something wrong with me, is that why?”

“Of course it’s not you, why would you ever think that? I love every single thing about you! It’s just…” Fiddling with your hand, he covers his face with the other and looks away. Red permeates through his skin and soon his whole face is the same colour as his hair. “I don’t think I’ll be able to stop once I do, and think about my teeth, babe!” He pulls his lower lip down to reveal his razor sharp teeth. “What if it hurts and it’s just horrible for you? What kind of a boyfriend would hurt his girlfriend?” He rambles on with other excuses but they just fade into the background.

Dumbfoundedness overtakes you at his exclamation. This was the reason? You were literally ripping your hair out for weeks because of this?

“Eijirou, why didn’t you tell me this? You just said it, I’m your girlfriend. You should be able to tell me these kinds of things before deciding by yourself that I won’t like it. A-and what if I don’t want you to stop?” Heat rushes to your face at the last sentence, and worsens as Eijirou’s head snaps to you, eyes wide in disbelief. Your ears feel like it’s on fire and there’s a sensation of something clogging against your throat. Suddenly your lap looks beyond fascinating, and you focus your line of sight on that.

An awkward silence fills the room. The faint ticking from a clock is nearly deafening and adds even more tension. But somehow your heartbeat in your ears is even louder. His eyes feel like it’s digging into your skin. Your hands are still linked together, the contact nearly uncomfortable because you’re both sweating buckets. He doesn’t say anything. You don’t say anything either. This stretches on for minutes, but it feels like hours—no years. Leap years. Unending years which is trying to choke the life out of you at this moment.

Mission abort, mission abort. Houston, we are having a major problem here. Houston, Houston are you listening oh my god I’m panicking why did I say that ughhhhh what if he thinks I’m weird now well that was never a secret but I am dying inside welp this is it I guess I’ll di— 

“Do you… want me to kiss you?” Eijirou’s grip tightens on your hand. Every muscle in your body locks into place, making you as still as a statue. “[Name]-chan? Are you— are you fine with me kissing you?”

When you slowly lift your head, Eijirou’s imploring eyes are staring right back at you, blazing red with a hint of… hope? His fingers gently tap on the back of your hand when you don’t respond, and he shuffles closer and closer to you. Until you can feel his hitched breaths against your face. His eyes shift nervously to yours. “Tell— tell me if you want me to stop.” And with that, he slowly leans in to close the gap between your lips. 

Wait what. Wait what? My mind is not functioning, is this happening? Is this actually happening right now? Wait no wait but don’t wait oh my god his face is so close this is it oh god my heart waitwaitwai— 

Eijirou’s lips finally connect with yours, and the feeling in your chest is… indescribable. He’s so soft, so much more than when he pecks your forehead or cheeks. He’s not very good at it, clearly stiff and frozen against your mouth, but since you’re the same, who’s to complain?

Eventually, he relaxes enough to press on more, emboldened by your lack of refusal. The sound of your lips pressing against each other intermingles with the clock’s ticks until it almost synchronises. His hands cup your face, thumbs lightly brushing over your cheeks. He gently nibbles on your lower lips, tongue gliding against the skin. You revel in the sweet sensation until pain pricks and the taste of iron invades your taste buds. 

Immediately detaching himself from you, Eijirou stares at your bleeding lip with horror in his face. You can almost see the regret and self-hatred screaming in his head. Apologies start spewing out but you really can’t care less right now.

“Eijirou, it’s fine! Come back here.” He doesn’t make any other moves than to continue saying sorry. It rushes out, rapid and nearly tear-ridden, so you take the initiative this time and press a kiss, ignoring the annoying taste of blood. He reciprocates for a split second but pulls away yet again. 

“I’m sorry, are you sure you-” His back thuds against the floor as your mouth reconnects with his arms coiling around his neck. His fingers dig into your ribs to stabilise your body on top of his before one slithers to your neck. 

The kiss fest lasts until Aizawa-sensei knocks on the door to remind the lights-out time.

[deadspace-babe]

Day 1: Temperature

2k words

I know I’m a day late but I should have day 2 out by tonight so don’t worry.

This is my first kinktober writing so I hope you enjoy. Based off the paid option in the tower with Julian

     It’s late one night and the two of you are simply lounging around half naked in each other’s company enjoying the fall air. The weathers finally gotten cold enough to lay on each other comfortably through the night. The breeze drifting through all the windows and through your hair as you read. You’re laid out on your back with Julian on top of you on his stomach, head on your chest. Next to you is a soft glowing orb radiating warmth to help you read. 

You notice he’s been staring at it for a while. “Do you like it? You’ve seen it before.”

He sighs, “I was just thinking about the heat coming from it.”

“What about it?” You ask, “is it too hot?”

He breathes out a small laugh at you, “no, nothing like that dear I’m simply thinking of all the ways you can use your magic.” He turns his head to look up at you. “You know, like in the tower” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. 

“Good gods Julian are you ever not horny”, you laugh ruffling his hair. 

“Ughhhh but how can I stay still with such a vision around all the time?!?” He says while rolling about like a child throwing a tantrum. You laugh at him and act like you’re ignoring him so he simply lays his head back down on your chest and pouts. You let your hand stoke up and down his shoulders for a few minutes to distract him then turn them ice cold which makes him jump about a foot in the air. 

“Ah you sly dog” he whispers, wiggling his eyebrows at you yet again. You roll yours eyes at him,

“Since you asked how about you lay back and enjoy yourself” you say running scalding fingers down the side of his cheek which makes him wince and squirm. You toss your books to the side and push at his shoulder lightly, gesturing for him to roll over, which he does, squirming desperately already. You giggle at him a little before climbing on top and straddling his waist. He’s turned such a bright red you wonder if it’s from the burn on his cheek or if he’s just this worked up already. 

“Which would you like first?” You ask looking deep into his grey eyes. He’s struggling to keep eye contact, looking quite embarrassed. 

“Surprise me love. I’m sure whatever you choose will be absolutely delicious” he says, feigning confidence. You take the cue getting a bit excited yourself running two very hot hands down his chest. He pushes upwards a bit like he’s trying to get away from it but also trying to push it down his body faster which makes you slow even more. He’s panting already. You watch the red marks on his chest fade and the mark on his throat glow. You reach up to kiss it with ice cold lips. He sucks air in hard through his teeth “damn”, you feel his excitement between your legs. 

“Hmh well that was fast wasn’t it?” You giggle at him and he can barely manage out a whine already. In response you send heat to your thighs. He bucks up hard. 

“Sorry love” he whispers between pants, his pupils already blown wide. You shush him rubbing circles at his ribs with ice cold fingers not letting up on the heat in your thighs. 

“Talk to me Jules. Do you like it or do you want something different”

“Ah! Ugh no it’s” he pant he can’t seem to finish his sentence well, “it’s perfect” he grinds up into you desperate whines getting louder. “The heat is making me feel like, like I’m going to cum. It’s so hot it’s-“ before he can finish your switch the temperature of your thighs to ice in a second causing him to gasp and shoot up. It honestly is making you a bit nervous at how intense his reactions are. 

“Was that too much you have to tell me I’ll stop if you need me too” you say concern clearly coating your voice. 

He grabs your face trying so hard to look at you while wincing. “Do it again” he pants. The arousal in his voice lights you on fire. You dive at his mouth, raising the heat in your thighs and grinding down. He hisses into your mouth. You pull at his hair guiding his head back and his mouth open plunging your tongue in making it cold. He moans as he kisses you deeper, seeming to like the chill of your mouth on his. You make your thighs switch to cold again abruptly releasing his mouth as he arches up gaping and moaning. You can feel his dick twitching beneath you. 

“Are you ready for a little more?” You ask softly running warm hands up and down his sides as you watch him desperately try to suck in air. 

“Yes please” he pants shakily, looking wrecked already. 

“As you wish” you say whispering into the skin at his neck. You trail cold kisses and licks down his body as you move your way down between his legs only to be met with a rather large wet spot on the top of his underwear. You look up at him but he seems to be too busying trying to breathe properly to notice you staring. “Cute” you whisper to yourself as you pull down his underwear. 

“Ah!” He shouts loud enough to startle you as his dick hit the air, the breeze causing it to jump and twitch. 

You snicker at him, “you’re really enjoying this aren't you love? Maybe we should have been doing this from the start?” All he can manage is some very aggressive nodding as he squirms and fists the sheets trying desperately to grab onto something. 

You start again, rubbing cold circles into the dip of his hip bones. You blow cold air softly watching his dick bounce and twitch dripping and swollen. You giggle then move forwards pressing your tongue to the base and dragging it up making it hotter and hotter as you reach the top only to flick his swollen head with the tip of an ice cold tongue. 

“Fuck (y/n)!!!” He yells thrusting upwards shooting cum up and across his chest. You grab his cock with hot hands rubbing him as he rides the orgasm through looking absolutely distressed. He’s still bucking upwards while shoving his hands repeatedly through his hair as if it could help him steady himself. You let go laying your head on his hip watching him struggle to breath gently tracing invisible patterns on his coated stomach. 

“How do you feel?” You ask after a minute of just breathing. 

“Euphoric” he says through breaths. “Where did you learn that anyways?” 

You laugh at him, “really I just use it to keep my tea warm but I think I like this use much more” 

“Ya” he sighs out shakily

“Do you want to keep going?” You ask bringing your head up to kiss his still hard dick with ice cold lips knowing he’s going to say yes. 

“Of course” he says smiling, his breath picking up again as he tries to prop himself up on his elbows to watch you tease him. 

“Ok but not I’m going easy on you” you tease crawling up his body to give him a lazy kiss. 

“Do your worse” he whispers into your mouth sitting up all the way to grab onto your lip with his teeth. You smile at him diving in and deepening the kiss, one hand in his hair and one hand moving your underwear out of the way then to guide him to you. You’re absolutely drenched just from listening to him fall apart. He’s just so intoxicating. He lights you on fire and you can’t get enough. Even though you feel as desperate as he looks all you can think about as you sink down on him is how much you love him unconditionally. You gasp into his mouth and tell him just that. 

“I love you I love you I love you I love you” its all you can think to say as you bounce on top of him your lips still so close you can feel his breath grazing them. 

“I love you more than life itself”, he says breathlessly kissing you deep and desperate. You moan into his mouth shoving cold hands up his scalp pulling at his hair and quickly raising the heat in your pussy. He grips your hips hard and tries to thrust in time with you. The heat is obviously getting to him. He can’t keep the kiss anymore instead focusing on trying to breathe. He throws his head back and lets out a raspy groan. “So hot. Too hot. I can’t-I cant” 

“You can” you get cold slamming your pelvis harder into his sending shock waves up your body the air vibrating with magic. He falls forward, head on your shoulder, hands on your hips. You stop bouncing for a second and let the cold drop even further feeling him twitch inside of you and the grip on your waist grow tighter. You hear and pop and both of your heads snap up and you jump a little. You look down to realize with the energy in the room Julian has managed to summon his own magic leaving large puffy red hand prints on both of your sides. 

“Did- did I???? Did I burn you?” He tried to separate himself from you panicking but you pull him in to hug him. 

“Do it again.” You say into his shoulder. 

“But but I hurt you, you can’t heal like me. I don’t want to hurt you” he’s freaking out now 

You grab the sides of his face hard and force him to look at you, “Ilya, I like it. You know you can take the marks away later and even if you couldn’t I’m a magician. I have healing spells. But I like it. So for me, focus on it and do it again” 

“Are you positive? I don’t know if I can do it again” he says, still seeming a bit nervous. 

“I am and even if you can’t do it again on purpose I’ll just have to get you wound up again, that’s all” you say winking at him as you start to move again. He hisses at you, still sensitive. The heat starts to rise again. He looks you in the eyes determined. This time he leans his chest against you grabbing you by the ass spreading you as you still bounce on top of him. He can feel the heat radiating into his palms and he focuses on it while trying to breathe properly at the same time. You start to feel the heat from his palms squeezing your ass and it’s getting hotter and hotter. “Yes!” You yell bouncing harder

“I can’t do cold yet but I hope this is good enough” he says hopefully

“It’s amazing!” You pant. You’re starting to lose your composure, the heat in his large hands, how he’s trying so hard for you, how he feels inside of you as the heat is still rising. It’s all lighting you on fire. Your ears are starting to ring and your hips start stuttering. He’s trying to help you keep the rhythm. His hands spark and pop. He runs them up and down your sides. Your cold hands doing the same to his back. The heat is becoming overwhelming, you don’t know what to do with yourself. You feel like all you can do is shake and rithe. Even though most of it is heat you’re creating you're no longer able to move your hips properly being so close to the edge and so so hot it feels like it’s eating you alive. 

“Lean back” is all he says as you feel your body hitting the sheets. He starts pounding into you. You’re not sure how he has so much stamina but you’re thankful. You use all the energy you can to drop the temp once more causing him to push so hard you fly up a few inches and he has to clench his teeth hard just to not cum on the spot. “Damn!” 

“Kiss me now” you say and he complies eagerly. His mouth is on fire this time. He’s getting used to it. He starts to move again. You both raise the heat between your hips so high you’re pretty sure your bodies are producing steam. He puts a hot hand on your breast, you arch hard into the air. Both of you move faster. It’s so overwhelming you can’t think. You drag your nails down his back just needing something to grip and he thrusts hard, cumming loudly. The heat in his hands quite literally burn marks in your skin causing you to scream and raise the heat in your core higher than you thought you could making him jerk into you once again sending you over the edge pulling desperately at his hair as if he were going to disappear. 

You sit there for a long while steaming and panting and shaking not sure if you could even hear anymore. A cool night turned hot and sticky handprints all over each other, sheets soaked. It took a long while for either of you to move as the magic drained all the energy you might have had left. 

When you finally got up you immediately collapsed to the floor leaning up against the bed, your limbs absolutely shaking. Julian rolled,  hanging his head over the side of the bed just to laugh at you. “Oh shut up, are you going to help me or just laugh?”

“Trust me dear I would but I’m positive I can’t even sit up” he says barely able to lift his arms to stroke your hair as you sit on the cool floor trying to work up the energy just to get up again. 

“God’s we’re going to be sore for weeks” you sigh.

[graaid]

After nearly 36 years of cold hard denial, Arthur Morgan realizes he likes men. Don't get him wrong, he likes women too, but he's been crushing over Charles since his arrival, and he wants to tell him that he likes him more as just a fellow gang member. But that requires a lot of mental effort.

(Entire fic (don’t worry it’s a oneshot) under the cut, but if you’d like to leave a comment/kudos on AO3 I’d really appreciate it!!)

There wasn’t a cloud in the sky over Clemens Point when the members of the Van Der Linde gang woke up. Lenny and Kieran were, of course, the first ones up and active, ready to prove themselves to the rest of the gang.

The smoke hadn’t even begun rising from the main campfire when Arthur got out of bed. Out of everyone in the gang, he was somehow the most and least punctual; he may show up to a robbery late, but he’ll always wake up at 6:30 am every day, even if he had gone to bed at 3 am that night. Thankfully, this early rising habit gave him the time to get his chores and other tasks done so he could have a little relaxation time later.

“G’morning Arthur, have a good night?” Charles called from his tent as he stretched and started to weave a feather into his long black hair.

“Ughhhh, as good as it’ll ever be,” Arthur groaned, hiding just the tiniest of blushes. Arthur knew he shouldn’t be so gruff with the other members of the gang, but being the no-nonsense uncle of the family had more or less become his thing over the past few years, especially with all the younger folk joining. He had been trying to cut down on the cynicism lately, but sometimes the jokes just write themselves. He figured he should probably leave the joke making to Sean, or at least the assholishness to someone like Micah.

Even though he would usually go straight to chopping wood or transporting bags of grain to Pearson’s wagon, Arthur leaned back on his bed and looked out over the camp. Strauss was nose-first in some ledger book, probably wondering where he could find his next victim to send Arthur after. Javier was tuning his guitar, no doubt readying it for another late night sing-a-long session at the campfire that evening. John was avoiding Abigail like the plague, but Arthur didn’t really blame him; it had always bothered him whenever the two of them yelled at each other. Obviously all couples fight sometimes, but the bickering had gone on so long Arthur wished he could just snap his fingers and have them become a happy couple again, if they had ever been one in the first place.

Arthur’s eyes wandered over to the tiny dock with it’s equally tiny canoe. Hosea had thought it a good idea to purchase the canoe for the camp a week or so ago, and the sight of Sean trying to stand in it and falling over comically into the lake made the purchase definitely worthwhile. It had also allowed the gang to get access to better fishing spots, which made Pearson’s stew almost edible.

That’s what I’ll do , Arthur thought, I’ll go fishing. A fish fry tonight sounds pretty good.

Getting dressed took no time at all, and walking down to the dock, making sure to give Micah an obligatory death stare was even easier. Arthur noticed John sitting on the edge of the dock, staring off into the distance, probably thinking of running off again. Probably.

“Hey John, wanna come fishin’ with me?” Arthur asked, untying the boat’s rope from the dock.

“Arthur, you know I can’t swim, right? If that little dinghy tips even a little we’re both goin’ in.”

“Then don’t tip the boat, dumbass.”

“Oh c’mon, you and I both know that’s not gonna happen.”

“Well if it does,” Arthur continued, stepping into the boat, “Your big brother Arthur will be there to drag your ass to shore.”

John rolled his eyes, sighed dramatically and stepped in the boat, shakily sitting down on one of the planks. “Fine, but if we tip… I’m allowed to look at your journal.”

“If we tip there won’t be much of a journal to look through,” Arthur chuckled, patting his back pants pocket.

Arthur, sitting in the back, pushed off from the dock and started rowing out towards one of the small islands not too far from Clemen’s Point. He’d been affectionately calling it “Bird Island”, on account of all the ducks and ravens that populated it. It was a good spot to think on any other day, but not when bringing John along.

“So Arthur, you did remember to bring bait, right?” John asked, trying not to turn around in the boat too fast, since he really honestly did not know how to swim.

“Nah, bait’s for rich folk, we’re using lures,” Arthur remarked, “Plus, it’s easier to see the shiny, pretty lures than some dumb worm.”

“You sound like a crow, Arthur.”

“Oh shut up,” Arthur replied with a hidden smirk, splashing some water with his paddle in John’s direction.

“Hey no fair, I can’t get you back there!”

“Then jump in the water and get me yourself, coward.”

Arthur didn’t need to see John’s face to know his friend was giving him the dirtiest glare. Thankfully before any revenge could be plotted, they pulled up to Bird Island.

“Alright, here we are, pick a spot and get comfy, we’re gonna be here a while.”

John grumbled in agreement and pulled a downed log to the beach so he could sit on it.

The two of them cast their lines into the water and began the waiting game, slowly reeling their lures back to the beach in hopes of catching some perch or trout.

As Arthur had imagined, John had somehow scared away all the fish. He didn’t know how, but he assumed it was something about his aura, or whatever Hosea called it, that just made it impossible to catch anything.

By the time it was noon, the two of them had only caught about 3 fish in total. Arthur didn’t especially mind though, he enjoyed days when he wasn’t robbing banks and killing innocent folk. He enjoyed his personal self-care days more, but he knew he should take what he can get.

Even from far away on this tiny island, Arthur could see some of the other gang members back on Clemens Point. He could easily make out Sean’s bright red hair as he chased after who must’ve been Mary-Beth around Pearson’s wagon, no doubt on another mission to woo her. Scanning over the edge of camp, he also spotted Charles chopping wood. Normally this wouldn’t be anything out of the ordinary, but Arthur couldn’t take his eyes off of the fact that Charles happened to be chopping wood shirtless. Which he normally never does. Arthur suddenly wished he hadn’t asked John to come fishing. He couldn’t make out anything specific, but he had seen Charles shirtless once and the guy was built like a brick wall. He’d seen him knock a man out in one punch before, and the witnessing of it both scared him and made him feel just a little constricted by his pants.

Arthur must’ve been lost in thought longer than he imagined, because before he knew it, John was kicking sand at him, yelling that he had a fish on his line.

Arthur quickly diverted his attention back to his line, reeling it in and trying not to glance back over at Charles. Eventually he pulled in a 5 pound trout, so at least that came of something.

“Hey Arthur?”

“Hmm?”

“You’ve never been married, right?”

Arthur laughed, “God no, John. This life ain’t really one that allows for much marrying and settling down.”

“But you’ve had… relationships before, right?”

Arthur reeled back his line and sat down next to John on the log. “Is there something you want to talk to me about, Marston?”

John scooted over a bit to give Arthur more room on the log and reeled his line back in as well.

“I… I don’t know Arthur,” John started, “It’s just that, like, I know Abigail and I have been fighting pretty much since we met, it’s just… I thought we would’ve figured it out by now, even just for the sake of Jack, but it just seems to be getting worse every damn day!”

Arthur grimaced. Relationship trouble was never his strong point, but he’d at least try for the sake of his friend.

“Well, you have tried talkin’ it out, right?” Arthur asked.

“Yeah of course,” John continued, “It just never seems to be the right time to talk. We’re just always doing something else, and when we do have free time to talk it just… never feels right, or we just don’t agree.”

“Oh c’mon, you must agree on something.”

“Yeah, that I’m a miserable no-good deadbeat dad.” John chuckled, resting his head in one of his hands.

Arthur sighed and looked out over the water. He knew John didn’t really mean that, even if Abigail’s point had some validity. It’s hard having a relationship in a life like this, you never know if the person you love is going to return that night. It must weigh pretty heavily on Abigail every time John goes out, not knowing whether to tell their son now or later that his daddy might not ever come back.

“Y’know John, I think I have the opposite problem from you,” Arthur observed, “You’ve got someone who cares too much about you, while I’ve got someone who I’m not even sure cares about me.”

John picked his head up from his hands. “You do? You mean that Mary girl?”

Arthur chuckled and looked back at camp where he spotted Charles, unsurprisingly hard at work, “No, this one’s a little different.”

“Is it one of the girls in camp? You know I’d support you but you are a bit… old compared to them.”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Close, but no.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. Arthur could tell John was really thinking hard.

“Jesus, Marston, I know I’m dumb but you’re really pushing the bar. It’s Charles, okay? Don’t think too much harder, you’ll break somethin’.”

There was another beat of silence.

“Charles, like the one working with us?” John hesitantly asked.

Arthur’s silence told John all he needed to know.

“Huh,” John began, “I uh… never thought you, y’know, swung that way.”

“Me either,” Arthur admitted, taking a drink from his water flask, “But it took me nearly 36 years to figure it out, so don’t go telling me it’s fake or nothing. I did like all those girls I dated, but I just never really clicked with them, I suppose.”

John chuckled. “Well I guess it makes sense you’re the way you are. You probably rubbed off on me, certainly explains the eyes I’ve been making at Javier lately.”

Arthur almost choked on his water. “Say that again cowboy, you’ve been WHAT at Javier?”

John picked up a stick and began drawing in the sand with it. “Eh, it’s nothing really, Arthur, nothing really at all, it's just that… sometimes when Abigail and I fight I just want to run away with someone new, y’know?”

“Oh no you don’t,” Arthur smirked, wrapping his arm around John’s shoulder, “I ain’t gonna let you run out on us again, you’d find me cold in the ground first!”

John beamed back one of his rare sunshine-y smiles. “Aww, I guess big old tough Arthur Morgan actually does have a heart inside afterall!”

“Don’t push your luck, kid,” Arthur replied, standing up to cast his line out again, “You ever gonna tell Javier how you feel?”

“You gonna ever tell Charles how you feel?”

“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Hey, maybe Charles can give you a little pain in the ass, if you know what I m-”

“Marston you shut your trap before I drown you myself!” Arthur half-jokingly reprimanded, kicking some sand at his adopted brother.

A bit of time passed. Arthur happened to catch 4 more perch, and John devoted the rest of their time on the island to picking some herbs and flowers, knowing that his skills as a fisherman were almost completely useless.

By the time the sun was going down, John returned with a bundle of burdock root and purple flowers.

“Hey uh, Arthur?”

“Hm?”

“Are you ever uh, gonna actually tell Charles or anyone else at camp how you feel?”

Arthur sighed and packed up his fishing pole. “Probably not. It took most of my effort just now to tell you because I knew I could trust you, so you’d imagine what it’d be like to tell someone like Micah, let alone Dutch and Hosea.”

“Aren’t Hosea and Dutch together?” John asked, packing his herbs and flowers into the boat.

“Haha, very funny Marston, they’re just good friends, they’ve been that way for a long time. I would’ve thought you would know that.”

“Well that’s certainly strange, I never knew “good friends” kissed each other on the mouth.”

Arthur stopped what he was doing. “Dutch and Hosea? They’re a… a thing? I thought Dutch and Molly… Hold on a second…”

John wholeheartedly laughed. “Jesus, Arthur, I thought I was slow to get things but I think you just broke the world record for ‘slowest time a man’s taken to figure out his adopted fathers are homosexuals’. All those smart reflexes went to your Deadeye skills instead, huh?”

“Alright now I’m going to drown you in your sleep instead.”

“I’d like to see you try,” John beamed, hopping into the boat, almost tipping it over, “Plus, if you kill me now, who’s gonna help you kick Micah’s ass when you come out to everyone?”

Arthur turned his head away so John couldn’t see his smile. “Let’s just get back to camp first and give these fish to Pearson. I’m almost terrified to see what he does with them.”

Arthur and John rowed back to Clemen’s Point with minimal water damage to their clothing, at least on accident. John, apparently moved by Arthur’s mini-therapy session, made a beeline to Abigail and gave her the bouquet of purple flowers he had picked. Arthur could see her blush all the way from the dock.

“Had fun on your fishing trip, Arthur? I’m surprised you convinced John to come out with you on the water.” Hosea, sitting under a tree, book in hand, called out to Arthur as he made his way to Pearson’s wagon.

“Yeahhhh it was alright; John and I got to talkin’ about some stuff, and we caught some pretty good fish, so expect them in the stew a few weeks from now.”

Hosea grimaced, scrunching his nose. “Can’t wait for Pearson to overcook them too. Oh well, at least we’ll have something to eat.”

Arthur cracked a smile and sat down next to his adopted father under the tree.

“Hey Hosea?”

“Hm?”

“Are you and Dutch, y’know…?” Arthur asked, making a lot of vaguely suggestive motions with his hands, none of which Hosea could gather meant anything literally, but he understood what Arthur was getting at.

“Heh, well I was sure it was going to come out at some point,” Hosea said, closing his book and resting it on his lap, “Yes, Arthur, the two men who have raised you since you were 13 are indeed romantically involved with each other.”

Arthur leaned back on the tree. “Huh, I guess it makes sense. I just… I just wanted to make sure Marston wasn’t lying ta’ me again, y’know?”

Hosea chuckled, brushing his gray hair back into its place. “Oh don’t you worry Arthur, John doesn’t need to lie; and I don’t mean any disrespect, but I’m surprised it took you this long to catch on.”

“Eh, well, I’ve got my mind on other things, I guess.”

“Oh? Do you need to talk about something?”

“Not really,” Arthur began, “I mean… it’s just that…”

Hosea placed a hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “It’s okay son, take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

Arthur felt a tear well up in his eye. Between his two adopted fathers, Hosea had always been the one that Arthur knew he could come to with his non-outlaw related problems. Maybe it was his calm, almost flamboyant mannerisms, but it made Arthur, and he was sure plenty of the other members of the gang too, feel like you could trust him like a father.

“I… I’ve been thinkin’. About… things…”

“What kind of things?”

“Well, love things, I guess. ‘Cause I mean… I’m getting up in years, and I look at people like John with Abigail and Jack, and you and Dutch, and I just keep wonderin’ when I’m gonna meet someone, y’know?”

“Ah, those kinds of problems,” Hosea mused, scratching his chin, “I remember being your age and thinking the same things. Even when I was with Bessie I was thinking those same things. It’s hard to know when you’ve found ‘The One’, Arthur. I loved Bessie, I really did, and I thought she was my One for a long time, but there’s something about Dutch that I just clicked with all those years ago that I could never get enough of. So now I’m here, with the rest of ya’ trying to make sure you all don’t make the same mistakes I did.”

Arthur nodded his head and started drawing in the dirt with a twig.

“But that’s enough about my sordid old past,” Hosea continued, “Is there something that’s happened that made you think about all this?”

“Well yeah, I told you, I’m getting up there in age and-”

“No, I heard that Arthur, I mean is there someone you’ve met that’s made you feel this way?”

There was a brief moment of silence. “Yes.” Arthur muttered.

“Do I know them?”

“Mhm.”

“It isn’t John, is it? I know you two are pretty close, but I’m not sure how… close.”

“What? God no, Hosea, it’s not like that,” Arthur proclaimed, looking around to make sure no one was listening in, “It’s… Charles. Charles, like the one we work with, the one over there.”

Arthur pointed over to where Charles and some of the rest of the gang were hanging around the main campfire. It had become dusk by now, and the gentle orange light from the fire made Charles’s dark skin look like it was glowing.

“Hm I see,” noted Hosea, “Have you told him how you feel?”

Arthur snickered, “Y’know, John asked me the same question earlier. I didn’t even know you and Dutch were together, so no, I haven’t.”

“Well whenever you want to, I’ll be behind you.”

“Thanks… dad.”

“Oh come now Arthur, you don’t have to get all mushy on me, just be confident and speak from the heart and you’ll have no trouble at all.”

Arthur sighed. “Thanks. I’ll… I’ll try to remember that.”

The rest of the evening passed normally. Pearson served everyone stew for the Nth time in a row and Uncle roused everyone’s spirits with another vaguely sexual song as they sat around the firepit. Charles was too invested in his dinner to see Arthur shooting glances at him. Arthur knew he didn’t have to tell Charles how he felt, but the constant burying of his emotions was beginning to drive him insane.

Arthur began thinking about ways he could confess his feelings. He could always ask Charles to go hunting with him, but it’d probably be a bit awkward to profess your undying love next to the corpse of a recently deceased deer, so Arthur scrapped that one. He could always just invite him to his tent and tell him there, but then Strauss, who’s tent was right next to his, would definitely hear them.

By the time Arthur came to a conclusion, everyone had settled down and were now just enjoying each other’s company around the fire. Even old Uncle, who was usually the first to a song, was silently leaning back on the grass, already half-finished with his second bottle of whiskey. Nearly everyone was there, and the thought of coming out to that many people at once frightened him, but Arthur knew he just needed to get it over and done with, then everything would be better, right?

Arthur set his mostly empty bowl down on the grass, stood up, and cleared his voice.

“Uh, everyone, I have a, uh, announcement to make.”

“You’re pregnant?” Joked Sean from the other side of the fire, causing a few giggles to be heard.

“Haha very funny Sean,” Arthur continued, rubbing his hands together, “But this is important. It’s, uh, something that I’ve been thinkin’ on for some time now, and I felt like I needed to get it off my chest.”

“Arthur, my boy,” came Dutch’s voice from behind as he sat down on the log next to his adopted son, “You aren’t leaving, are you?”

“No! No, god no, it’s not anything like that. I just… I just… I don’t know how to say it.”

“Well then just say it as simply as you can then,” Lenny piped up from next to Sean, “That usually works best for me.”

There was a short pause.

Arthur took a deep breath. “I…well… I like… men.”

The pause after Arthur spoke might’ve only been a few seconds, but to Arthur it felt like years. His eyes kept bouncing around to the other gang members, trying to read their expressions before they spoke. His eyes eventually fell on Charles, who’s expression hadn’t changed since Arthur’s announcement, although it might’ve been his imagination, but he could swear there was the faintest twinkle in his eyes.

After what felt like an eternity, the silence was broken.

“Same.” Came Bill’s hoarse but quiet voice as he took another swig of his drink. There seemed to be a collective sigh from the group.

“Jesus Arthur, I thought you was going to tell us that you were dyin’ or somethang.” Said Sean.

Arthur chuckled timidly. “Nah, you’re gonna have to wait plenty more years before you see me go down.”

“Well that’s good, son,” Came Dutch’s warm voice again, “I’m glad you got that off your chest.”

Arthur chuckled again, this time with a bit more confidence. “I mean,” he continued, “I like women too, I just wanted to say this ‘cause I didn’t want y’all to make a big fuss if you ever see me bein’ sweet on another man, y’know?”

There were lighthearted chuckles around the fire. It was pretty obvious that this whole situation was really awkward for everyone involved, but Arthur could tell that they were all at least trying to be supportive, so he sat back down and took a few more deep breaths.

Some time passed and most of the people around the fire had left to go to bed. Arthur had been feeling a lot more relaxed, now that his big secret was out, but at the same time he knew that once Micah heard about it there’d be a whole new line of harassment coming Arthur’s way. Arthur hoped that maybe, just maybe, if Micah was being an asshole to him about this issue now, that Dutch may finally come to his senses and kick the bastard out of the gang. But getting Dutch to go back on his word was like trying to tell a bird not to fly, so Arthur didn’t get his hopes up too much.

Soon enough it was nearly 2 am, and everyone figured that they may as well go to bed. As Arthur was settling down, he heard Dutch’s voice half-whisper from his tent.

“So uh, Arthur, about what you announced at the fire tonight…”

“Yeah, Dutch?”

“You mentioned bein’ sweet on a man. You found someone?”

Arthur felt his cheeks heat up fast and consciously moved his head so Dutch couldn’t see.

“No. I was just, uh, sayin’... like in the future, y’know?”

Arthur heard Dutch chuckle to himself. “Y’know Arthur, considering all the time you spend with Hosea I would’ve thought you’d be better at lying. I won’t press it though; take your time, I certainly took mine.”

Arthur heard Dutch’s tent close and breathed a sigh of relief. Coming out to everyone about his attraction to men was already a lot, coming out about which specific man he liked was just a little too much for one evening.

That night Arthur dreamed that he was looking down on three houses facing each other in a wide, open field of grass and lavender. Off to the side of the houses was a field of plants and other herbs and a small wooden chicken coop. There was a big lake not too far away with a dock and a large fishing boat. It reminded him of the area near Big Valley. Sitting on the porch of one of the houses was Dutch and Hosea in twin rocking chairs, Dutch just basking in the sun and Hosea nose deep in some book. Even from Arthur’s far away point of view, he could see a glass of something cold in Dutch’s hand. It was nice to see his fathers relaxing as opposed to what they usually have to deal with.

Sitting on the porch of the second house was John and Abigail. Abigail seemed to be showing John how to sew, who must’ve been doing a spectacularly bad job beforehand. Jack was there too; he was chasing some big golden dog around the field, throwing a big stick for the pet to catch and bring back. All three of them were smiling and laughing at some unheard joke. Arthur felt happy for them, and he wished he could be like them. Maybe someday.

Arthur looked to the porch of the third house and saw no one there. He came closer, and to his surprise, there was a tiny carving of a deer standing at the top of the steps. Next to it was a same sized carving of a wolf. Arthur felt a strange pull to the carving of the deer and he reached down to pick it up. As he did so, he saw a hand out of the corner of his eye pick up the wolf carving. As he stood back up with the deer in his hands, he saw that it was Charles who had picked up the wooden wolf. The two men were standing mere inches apart, eyes locked on each other. Arthur so desperately wanted to kiss Charles, even if this one was just a figment of an overactive and horny imagination. But instead of a kiss, Charles took Arthur’s free hand, led him up the steps of the house to the porch, and sat him down on a large wooden chair next to his own. Neither Charles nor Arthur spoke a word to each other, but the feeling of Charles’s large, warm hand on Arthur’s own as they sat and looked out over the lake together as the cool air wafted past them made Arthur feel an emotion he hadn’t felt in a long time: contentedness. The feeling was so comforting he even forgot that this was all a dreamed-up fantasy. Arthur wished he could skip having to tell Charles that he liked him and just go straight ahead to this perfect moment. But Arthur knew that he’d just have to get it over with, like with his coming out. But thankfully now, with the thought of (just) about everyone behind him, he knew he could do it.

[theonlyrealgod]

Hawks x Reader; Your Favorite

relationship: Hawks x Reader

warnings: some cursing

2k words

You sigh deeply as you flick a page again, your eyes following your index finger as you read and the other hand holding the book tightly. Your body is resting on a very comfortable chair, your legs on the other. You can bearly remember when was the last time you had time for this kind of thing, just relaxing without a worry in the world, taking your time with reading the book you bought last summer and were planning on reading it but never got to it. It was now mid-October but the weather wasn’t chilly at all, at least not during the day.

The sudden cold air that presses against your cheeks makes you look around and you are only now aware of the dark that slowly crept onto your balcony. It’s getting too dark to see words and you slowly give up and close the book rubbing its cover.

You reach into the front pocket of your hoodie for your phone and headphones, the old fashioned wired headphones. You’ve thought about buying yourself something better and newer, one of those wireless headphones and what not but always came to the conclusion that it’s probably not a good idea. It became a bad habit of yours to lose your phone on a daily basis and without something attached to it you could only imagine how much worse it would be. You’d probably left your phone at the store or work and only realize it later on when you’d get home. You chuckle at the thought of something so stupid yet totally something you’d do.

Just as you were starting to enjoy the breeze while jamming to the music blasting in your ears something caught your eye. Your eyes were half-closed looking up at the sky above the rooftops, it was dark blue and crimson- wait! what? crimson? You shake your head slowly as if it wasn’t even you moving, you got up from the chair and your body shivered without the warmth of the comfortable position you were in since midday. You unplugged your headphones and put them back in your pocket. Holding your phone in one hand and gripping the fence with the other, you look around wondering just what in the world was it you saw. A quiet shuffle came from behind the wall that was just bearly covering your view on the left. You lean forward, half of your body now over the fence and stepping on your tippy toes trying to see past it. Nothing, not a sound. So concentrated on what you heard or rather saw you were completely thrown off your track when just for a split second a large set of crimson red wings appeared in front of you, startling you to death. You screamed and closed your eyes in fear, the firm grip on your phone loosed up and before you knew it, it was already too late. When you managed to open your eyes, your phone was out of sight and it was way too dark to even see where it landed. It was hopeless anyway, you figured since your apartment was at the top floor and making it to the ground was quite the fall. Burying your face in your hands you let out an irritating sound and then another one when your hands violently ran through your hair. “You have got to be kidding me! Can’t I have one nice day? Just one ughhhh.” you complained. What were you supposed to do now? You had no one to call because of obvious reasons, you started to panic completely forgetting about the wings and what caused this in the first place.

You were pacing up and down your living room now murmuring gibberish that somehow made words and actual sentences in your head. “I should get a new phone. No - No way, I can’t afford it right now… But how am I supposed to wake up on time and call my family and friends? Ah man, I’m so fucked” you groaned and sat down on your couch, hands on your mouth as you were thinking.

Knock knock ~

Your head turned rapidly to the sight of wings, red crimson wings. Your eyes widen, it’s what you saw in the sky and what scared you enough to drop your phone. But there was something else or should I say someone else. A handsome blonde was leaning against your fence, he was wearing his hero outfit and there was no denying it, it was Hawks, the number 2 hero on your fucking balcony. ‘Holy shit’ you thought. In his hand something familiar caught your attention, it was your phone.

You were so shocked you completely froze and was only pulled back from your thoughts by a second knock. Your ears and cheeks turned light pink as you got up from your sofa and walked up to the balcony door, opening them with a soft thud. Looking up at the hero in front of you, you notice he was smirking. “I think you dropped this” he let out a low chuckle playing with your phone, the smirk never leaving his face, “uhh.. yeah, I did” you scratched the back of your neck awkwardly standing by the door. The cold air wasn’t helping the red that crept onto your cheeks and you couldn’t really hide the embarrassment you were feeling. He was definitely even better looking up close.

“I like your phone case,” he said breaking the silence. You make a weird sound looking at your All Might case you got for Christmas last year after telling your mom he was your favorite hero when you were like ten and now at twenty she thought it was a good idea to give you one. “I mean I’m not judging but you know he’s not a hero anymore and you should probably pick a new one,” he said teasingly, leaning back on your fence, his muscular body showing over the shirt, you couldn't help it, it caught your attention.

“Oh yeah? And who would you suggest number two?” you didn’t know where the sudden confidence was coming from but you liked it and besides two can play this game. “Oh no no, I really shouldn't. That would be very inappropriate, but I’m just saying, I did safe your phone” he grinned and gave you a look that almost made you weak in the knees. This one was a player, that much you knew. “And you're suggesting you should be my favorite hero? Isn’t that bribing, expecting me to repay you for your hero act?” You could see his eyebrows raise for a moment before looking away, he almost looked embarrassed by your words. He looked back at you a bit more serious this time but playfulness was still present in his eyes and tone of voice “I really did safe your phone though” he said and he almost looked like he was pouting waiting for you to fall on your knees and thank him. That made you realize, you haven’t thanked him yet and he was right you really should. “Your right, you saved me a lot of trouble Hawks, thank you” you gave him a sincere smile before adding “but I’m still keeping the phone case”

Hawks leaned forward from the fence, holding himself with one arm on the wall and the rest of his body almost in your living room, making you step back. “I don’t need to be on it to know that I’ll become your favorite,” he said with a smirk and a slight chuckle before he took your phone and gave it back to you. You almost felt like this meant goodbye but he didn’t move and honestly you didn’t want him to. It wasn’t every day a hero comes knocking on your balcony door. “Don’t flatter yourself too much number two” you gave him another playful smirk before he let out a sigh “It sounds way better when you call me Hawks you know? When you say number two, it almost sounds like your mocking me” he said crossing his arms which made his chest and arm muscles stand out even more. You flushed a little bit at how he made it sound like he likes it when you say his hero name “I’m just a normal citizen and you’re pro hero, I have nothing to mock you with” you said honestly. You had little to no clue why he was spending his time talking to you, not that you mind it at all. “Ah - Don’t say it like that” it was his turn to blush now. His face was more visible now when he was under your living room light. “I’m nothing special” he added and you raised your eyebrows “I don’t think someone not special would have fans following him around” you chuckle. It felt weird talking so casually with him, but it was the good kind of weird.

“Are you one of them?” he asked bluntly, pushing himself closer to you. Your face was red in an instant. Of course, you knew who Hawks was, but you wouldn’t consider yourself a fan, so why were you blushing so much? He stretched his wings while waiting for your answer and you couldn’t help it not to stare. He definitely noticed that and proceed to show himself off for the time being. You laughed a little “No I don’t think so” his brows furrowed but the smile didn’t leave his lips “Hm.. is that so?” his wings opened wider as he stretched his arms in front of himself, secretly looking down at you only to see you staring at his wings and than his arms.

You knew what he was doing but couldn’t keep your eyes off him. “Still not your fan, pretty boy,” you said playfully. Hawks raised his eyebrows at that a little surprised but quickly changed it into a playful smile “What are you then?” he asked curiously. “Y/N,” you said. “Hmm, interesting,” he thought for a while, “You think I’m pretty Y/N?” he said commenting on the nickname and bit his lip smiling down at you with a teasing tone that made you chuckle, but you couldn't deny it “Shouldn't you be on duty?” you asked. He scratched the back of his neck “Probably, but that would mean you’re distracting me” he grinned. You laugh loudly at that “What? Do you think I’m working with a villain trying to stall you while the villain escapes?” you said still chuckling. “I mean if that’s the case I might have to take you in. And why are you laughing? Do you want me to cuff you? Because that can be arranged whenever you want.” he smirked and glared deep into your eyes which made you shiver, not that his words helped anyway. Your mouth made an 0 shape and you blushed intensely.

Did he just -

“Ah! You can’t just say things like that!” you scolded him and internally yourself for thinking about it. “Why?” he pouted “Is it maybe because you secretly want me to -” “Goodbye Hawks,” you said laughing and blushing like crazy. You didn’t think you could handle the end of that sentence. “Aw that’s not even a proper goodbye,” he said frowning. “And what’s a proper goodbye then pretty boy?” you asked with a smile, even though you were sad he’s leaving already. Hawks leaned forward placing a soft kiss on your cheek. You were blushing so hard not expecting that at all. “Hawks!” you squealed and he just chuckled stepping back to the fence before jumping on it still laughing at your face. “See you around Y/N” he winked before he flew away and you watched until there were no more crimson wings and he disappeared in the dark.

When you finally calmed down you closed the door and sat down on your sofa chuckling. You pulled out your phone to see the time - 10:05 pm, it was so late already? You sigh unlocking your phone and furrowed your brows at the sight. You were expecting some new messages but what you found was a new contact saved in your phone 'Hawks'.

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#20)

YESSIR. WE MADE IT. I CAN’T BELIEVE WE MADE IT.

Final episode that I’m watching for the rewatch series. Ready to fuck some shit up.

S3 E20: The Tipping Point.

Episode description: Dr. Rhodes second guesses his decision to remove himself from the team of doctors who work to separate conjoined twins.

You’ve gotta be fucking joking right?

okay.

last ava ep that mattered. i’m so excited

let’s get into it.

- ava

- the way nat looks at connor when ava says that he will not be operating

- it’s like no one trusts ava at all?

- yes, he’s emotionally involved, but is that really that good of a thing?

- ava is of sound mind. connor evidently does not think that he is

- why is connor apparently the only one capable of the surgery?

- fuck off. this is why he needs to leave

- so many nat ava interactions. i never expected this. ( i should have. i am dumb)

- ava reminding nat that like, she’s here. right next to them. in this conversation

- nat, to connor: “The cronins are counting on you!”

ava: “They’re counting on the team.” like bitch?

- like it or not, nat also does not believe women should have rights. maybe it’s a manstead thing. no. it’s definitely a med thing.

- i like ethan’s jacket.

- april can shut the fuck up. hypocrite? i smell a hypocrite? (who am I kidding, they’re all over med)

- ethan has the best outfits

- april. the one who preached unconditional love. is like. ‘emily can get fucked. i don’t care.’ i can’t believe it. this is so fucking stupid.

- three weeks ago (literally) will and nat were not on speaking terms. now he’s gonna fucking propose?

- NOBODY ON MED HAS FUCKING BRAIN CELLS

- I always hated how on tv shows, characters get married super soon. it’s so fucking annoying.

- omg bert tried to kill himself holy shit

- ava sighing at connor trying to give input.

- sarah’s dad: “I don’t deserve you.” NO BITCH YOU DON’T. go die

- connor fuck off. stop having to give orders on everything

- yeah, sure. connor emotes in this episode. but what he’s emoting at is going in and fucking stealing a huge surgery

- i can’t believe this is the last episode of med with connor. can’t believes he leaves for mayo clinic at the end of the season... the world we live in...

- YESSS THEY FIND EMILY AT THE ENCAMPMENT. classic angst. honestly. i fucking love it.

- yeah april.

- god this is like. classic angst. old school. back to basics. this is fucking fantastic

- UGHHHH I LOVE ITTTT

- the fuck?

- the mayo guy, and the other doctors are surprised that connor, a surgeon, knows how to do surgery? EXCUSE ME? THE BAR IS ON THE FUCKING FLOOR

- why is everyone so fucking stupid. i’m being serious. watch that scene. it is so stupid.

- ava is... not surprised that connor cut in. i mean. is anyone?

- she almost has that scoffy grin, that she does, under her mask

- okay but like ava’s character growth. instead of being mad that connor’s getting in on the surgery (like she would at the beginning of the season), she’s concerned for his career.

- sarah’s dad is fucking pathetic. i can’t believe sarah’s stuck with him. she deserves so much better

- SHE HAD TO MOVE TO FUCKING TEXAS. COME THE FUCK ON.

- i can’t believe he fucking tricks her into walking him outside. fuck him.

- takes him for a walk and pushes him down a hill

- it’s taking all of my self control not to write something where ava does that

- the way ethan subtly flinches when emily apoligizes. brian tee is a god

- sarah’s dad’s dialogue really makes it seem like he’s gonna murder his own daughter

- the monkeys is a good bit

- HOLY SHIT ITS LANIK

- I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT OKAY DAMN

- he is way different than i remember. i literally never paid attention to him

- ava with her fuckinngggg rolled up sleeves is still fantastic

- ava’s disappointment at seeing connor meet with the mayo clinic guy. most rh*kker thing we’ve seen all season. and yeah, i’m including the one night stand. there’s a special kind of upset you get at seeing someone you love leave and move far away. it’s not really the same as losing someone who’s just a friend. that’s why i say it’s the most rh*kker thing.

- of course, i am still keeping them platonic, so going off of that. ava is thinking that she is about to lose the only person she’s gotten close to in the last seven months. of course she’s going to be upset

- (in the rewrite this loss is not as much of a problem bc in the rewrite she has reese)

- also that surgery was so anticlimactic fuck off. this episode is fucking boring. my favorite part is probably the emily reveal. i’m a sucker for some sibling angst

- is he really going to propose. off of that? her being mad at him. you’ve got to be fucking joking.

- HOLY FUCKING SHIT APRIL IS THE MOST ANNOYING PERSON. SO FUCKING CONDESCENDING? “She’s damaged, you can’t fix her.” SHE’S TALKING DOWN TO HIM. this is so fucking infuriating

- i cannot believe this i cannot believe this i cannot believe this she’s fucking breaking up with him bc he cares about his sister. the sister she told him to care about?? holy fuck, I can’t

- WILL IS SO FUCKING DUMB

- YOU CANT PROPOSE TO HER WHEN SHES MAD AT YOU

- YOU ALSO CANT PROPOSE TO HER BC YOU ARE FUCKING TOXIC

- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU???

- he is so fucking dumb oh my god

- connor looking out, pensive over the parking lot. why is everyone on this show so fucking extra

- tell me why ava’s casual clothes is a button up. ma’am.

- back at it with the snippy one liners

- she looks so sad? baby noooo.

- i can’t. my heart can’t.

- there’s a lot to unpack in this scene

- i don’t really know why she starts out looking so sad?

- let’s chalk that up to her being tired, and channeling her little energy into feigning annoyance at connor. but then, as she keeps speaking, keeps thinking, she taps into this deep seeded feeling of indignance. real annoyance at connor’s bullshit.

- connor returns ava’s initial comment, which at this point is still kind of light and teasing, with another sly line, trying to brush it off.

connor: “You give me too much credit.”

ava, tucking her tongue in front of her teeth in that way when you don’t believe what someone’s saying: “Do I?”

- next, she says “you’re ambition strikes me as boundless.” I really have no clue what to make of that/

- then she says “I don’t know what to think.” shaking her head, shrugging. at a loss. why? is it bc she can’t figure out what he is/was trying to do? she can’t understand him anymore?

i think it’s ‘she was surprised by what he did, but she’s mad at herself bc honestly, she shouldn’t have been’. she thought he had changed, when he pulled himself off the case. thought he had gained some humility (finally, finally given ava her one moment in the sun to shine). and then he goes back on it almost immediately.

yeah. that’s what it is. she’s surprised, but mad bc she shouldn’t have been.

- she says “but I’m sure you also secured yourself an attending position” as like a slight jab. not really meant to be cutting, but then his reaction ruins it and makes her realize that something worse actually happened. if connor had responded to it in kind with another snarky comment the moment probably would have been fine

- connor’s “ah, god, ava -” comes off as so fucking insincere.

- ava’s small little “what?”. my heart

- i also think it’s interesting that when she’s thinking things through in the moment really fast, her face changes with her thoughts/emotions, and out of some sort of reflex, she smiles. her first thing is to laugh at the situation, scoff at it

- she’s laughing out of disbelief

- why is she laughing (out of reflex)? because this is stupid. HE DID SOMETHING THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNFAIR AND RECKLESS. AND HE’S GETTING REWARDED FOR IT. LIKE HE ALWAYS HAS. and Ava is the only person to see how unfair it is. everyone else would congratulate him no questions. can’t fucking believe it

- connor asking ava if she would take the offer is so fucking pathetic. he’s asking bc he’s hoping she’d say no, and then he’d finally have his answer to ‘is she in love with me’. the stupidest thing is she says no, which basically means no, i’m not in love with you, AND HE STILL TURNS IT DOWN. WHAT THE FUCK

- boy get some fucking eyes.

- also holy shit i’m just now realizing how cool my idea of connor somehow passing the offer off to her would be in one of my alternate endings of s3. because, he literally asks her is she would take the offer and she literally says she would. so that would be completely in character

- for those of you wondering, in my version, the reason ava wants connor around is bc he’s her only friend. why would it make sense for her to take the mayo clinic offer? did you just trap yourself in your logic

- no, it’s okay, bc if she took the offer, it’s just a reset. it’s not any different, bc she’s in a completely new place, she has time to make more connections. the reason she clung to connor was bc over the seven months, he was the only person she connected with, so she valued him immensely. there’s no reason she couldn’t make another connection at the mayo clinic. it’s perfectly fine.

- connor’s such a fucking simp its so pathetic

- she’s staying for sarah

- why does she start crying? that’s a good question.

- well, for all the reasons we stated before. she’s losing the closest thing to a best friend that she has. it’s sad. it’s alienating. and she’s sad bc she thinks there’s no way that he wouldn’t take the offer

- (bc they’re just good friends. you don’t turn down job offers for good friends. and it’s true. in my version, they are just good friends, and connor takes it. and ava has to deal with being lonely again.)

- (of course, med took a different route.)

- i fucking hate this show. i fucking hate this show so much.

- the last shot of the season is sarah and charles and sarah’s dad and we get one episode of  wrap up. med likes their cliffhangers so fucking much.

okay, so. this episode is pretty good for like a branching off point. we see the anxiety ava feels at the idea of connor leaving, which is really good to work with moving forward. I feel like I’ve said enough on all these different topics.

That being said, I have a lot of thoughts, and now that I have the knowledge of what my canon will be, going forward, this is going to be fun.

When I have more ideas, I’ll make more posts.

we’ve set the grounds. this was the final episode. now we look ahead, towards the future of med.

thank you, so much, for sticking with it. <3<3

[tomiyeee]

finished the story quests for bl3 (but barely any of the side missions yet) and i got...Opinions(tm)

(sorry if this doesn’t cut on mobile! also if you want to hide spoilers i’m tagging all my bl3 posts as “bl3 spoilers” so ny’all can blacklist it)

in no particular order:

i honestly wanted to give gearbox some slack and try my best to like this game bc i know people had probably unfairly high expectations for this game given all the build up, but they really just kept letting me down in everything but the graphics

said this before but overall, the characters are all Quite lackluster

^^ tyreen and troy included. adding the word "bitch" to every sentence does not automatically make it funnier

that being said, i super love their backstory + relationship with typhon/nekofeyo-whatever

the character designs are equally boring. moxxi was the only one who got a real improvement imo. lilith and maya are okay. rhys...i dont think i have to explain. lia...i dislike her hair; the black felt like it balanced out her design better and the white streak was interesting and cool but full white just looks bad tbh. zer0 feels less sleek and more bulky which doesnt fit him much. tina lost her pretty color palette and cute outfit. where are all the bright pretty color palettes in general???? there are other colors besides brown and black???? use them?????

ending of pre-sequel: “you will need all the vault hunters you can get” me: “ooh does that mean all the vh’s from previous games are back? i can’t wait to see everyone meet each other! :D” bl3: only nine of them come back, 3 of them die, the rest are involved in maybe one mission at most

boss fights. super. boring. and tedious. i mean this could be partly because i was playing on ps4 which made it extra not fun but if the only reason the fight is difficult is because they have a lot of health...it's not fun or challenging. i want fights like handsome jack with interesting mechanics. i want fights like angel with emotional impact. i want fights like the pre-sequel final boss that i forgot the name of with variation that isnt just "now they have an attack that shines bright lights in ur eyes, covers the whole arena, and can knock you down in one hit im looking at you traunt and killavolt". tyreens fight was the only one that i somewhat enjoyed because of this. all the others were just like "ughhhh again?"

im really enjoying melee amara playstyle. taking out badass enemies in four hits is my jam. this is just my fallout 4 playthrough all over again babey heck yea

typhon just wanted to be a good dad!!! he called tyreen starlight which is adorable!!! he did the best he could and tyreen hated him for it!!! i don’t blame either of them for that tbh, it makes sense from both their perspectives. tyreen definitely should have been more understanding, but she’s a dick so :/ (not saying this is a writing flaw, just a character flaw)

hammerlock needs higher standards in men but i really appreciate the undeniably in-your-face "fuck you" to all gamer dudes

i really. hate. how little the player character seems to matter in the story. in pre-sequel the vh's all had unique dialogue AND npcs would respond, sometimes even with character-specific lines. even when it was the same across vh's, it still felt like the npcs were interacting and speaking directly to them. the player character felt like a character of their own, rather than just a vessel for the player to do quests and kill enemies with or an errand runner for the important characters. i thought that was the direction they were going in with bl3 too but this just feels like bl2 only worse. there’s a separation again between you and the story and it feels like you’re just watching things happen. now ur not just a silent protagonist, but instead your a speaking protagonist who gets completely ignored. whats the point of including unique dialogue if it's not even acknowledged beyond an "uh-huh, moving on"?

sometimes the logic just feels kinda dumb. the twins killed/disabled maya and lilith in a heartbeat, they can literally disintegrate the most powerful beings in the universe, but the vault hunters? absolutely not. they must fight them for 40 minutes and then die.

after the fight with troy, no one even touched tyreen. there's no way they could have thought "yup she's definitely dead, no need to shoot her in the head or anything just to make sure. we didn't do anything to even hurt her, we just assumed." turns out she's 100% alive and gets up to start the apocalypse. who'da thunk! i know they wanted the end to seem more dramatic but it just seems stupid that they could have stopped tyreen like 5 missions earlier had they even the slightest bit of common sense.

lilith was one of the biggest threats to tyreen and troy's whole plan. of course they should leave her alive and simply steal her powers. let's kill the monk siren instead.

i know they didn't include this to give all players a fair experience instead of favoring sirens, but it kinda sucks playing a siren character and it's just completely ignored outside of ur action skill. tyreen and troy are sapping siren powers left and right, but they choose to leave you with yours. when you enter the eridian place with typhon tannis starts glowing because it has "something to do with sirens". what about the one standing right next to her? this applies to bl2 as well...jack i would willingly charge ur vault key for u pls why do u take lilith instead :'(

oh yeah speaking of tannis! i LOVE that she got angels powers. for some reason it just makes me really happy. maybe it's bc i think it's sweet that part of angel survived. maybe it's because it makes for cool fanart. maybe it's just cool. idk. also like that we got a solid explanation of what angel's powers were (influence over technology). i always thought her having control over it in bl2 might've been cuz it was hyperion tech and she had access to it same as she had access to the satellite from bl1. it wasn't super clear since it seemed like she could also materialize things like the ammo during her fight.

that also reminds me: all the dramatic reveals in this game felt kinda badly done.

the very first one with zer0/katagawa. like the whole time i was walking around looking for him i was trying to think why he might've turned/something must have happened to him or rhys. everyone was saying it was undeniably zer0. i finally meet him and take one look at his bright ass maliwan armor and its like. really. you couldnt have made it anymore obvious that thats not zer0. and then his helmet gets knocked off and surprise! it's not him. i totally didnt already figure that out with one glance 10 seconds ago. (maybe even earlier when you got glimpses of him around the building but i always missed it cuz i was looking at the fish tanks n shit)

also the tannis reveal. she was speaking to me in the same way that only known siren characters could. weird unexplained things were happening and seemed to be related to tannis. i wonder if she's a siren? surprise! she's a siren.

tyreen and troy knew about the great vault through some unknown means. typhon was talking about having a son and a daughter who he told stories about the great vault. typhon calls tyreen his daughter a while later and lilith acts surprised like honey ur a little slow, i figured that out several lines ago.

basically i'm not saying they were so obvious that i knew from the beginning of the game; i only figured them out a little before they were outright stated. but it was enough that it kinda ruined the effect and the characters acting surprised only when it was blatantly spelled out for them just made it annoying.

i feel like most of this is pretty negative, but i don’t mean that i hate the game and was miserable playing it. it was honestly okay...like i said i wanted to like it, but gearbox hates me specifically and killed/ruined all my faves just to spite me sooo...*waves hand back and forth in a sort of “ehhh” gesture*. i think my opinion on bl games from most to least fav would be: tftbl, bltps, bl2, bl3, and bl1. so it’s not the worst, but deeefinitely not one of my faves. i mean jack’s not in it (or if he is he doesn’t have a big role) so it’s already at a huge disadvantage. the ending was ok, it was all dramatic n stuff and it kinda makes sense i guess, but it was just about as okay as the rest of the game really. i don’t hate it but it’s not great either yknow?

[putschki1969]

What is your beef with mistress of the obvious? I was surprised to read that you have them blocked

Oh boy…Why do I get questions like that? I feel like this is gonna be similar to the ask I received about the “supposed” war between CPM and myself. That caused so much turmoil on my blog…ughhhh….It’s like people are craving some sort of soap opera drama and this is why they keep asking questions like this.

I have to wonder if this is your intention as well, anon… Are you just here to stir up trouble or are you genuinely interested?… Oh well, I guess I will be giving you the benefit of the doubt and treat this like a serious question. However, I would like to point out that you didn’t really do your research properly before asking your question. I have honestly no idea where you got your information from but I am guessing it’s not from my blog because if you actually followed my blog you would have known that I have most definitely NOT blocked her. She has blocked ME, that’s a big difference. I will not deny that I have had my issues with her in the past but I am not going around blocking people for petty reasons.

Before I get into the thick of my “beef” with her - as you so eloquently put it - I want to clarify one thing. This is not meant to be a public bashing, in the past I have tried really hard to avoid any sort of name-calling. Even when I was throwing shade at the cpm forum, I never singled out any particular member. I would never stoop so low as to do that sort of thing since it would literally put me on the same level as them (certain members of the cpm forum very much enjoy talking shit and spreading lies about me). 

This is pretty much just a recap of the things that happened from my point of view. Nothing more, nothing less. Make of that whatever you will. If this does end up sounding overly spiteful at certain points then I apologise in advance.

Just putting this out there: mistress_of_the_obvious is a very dedicated fan. One could argue that she is more dedicated than me and that’s honestly quite a feat I respect her efforts and attention to detail a lot, she really doesn’t do things half-assed. At the end of the day, I believe that we are very much alike. Somehow I think that’s one of the main reasons we keep clashing. I don’t get along well with people who are too much like myself. Now keep in mind that I don’t have the greatest personality and I have many flaws. Someone once said: “The things we dislike most in others are the characteristics we like least in ourselves.” I think that’s very much true. Anyways, I am in no way shape or form dismissing her awesome contributions to the fandom. I am very much grateful for all the scans of FJC newsletters and other rare content she has provided in the past, I wouldn’t have reblogged her posts if I didn’t think they were absolutely amazing. As a matter of fact, I would still be reblogging her stuff if she hadn’t blocked me (with the exception of course of ALL the things she insists on scanning and posting AGAIN despite the fact that I already provided perfectly fine scans of it). 

Enough with fine words and elaborate introductions, let’s get to it〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

I guess I should start with a quick outline of the two incidents that most likely resulted in her blocking me.

Incident #1) Post about Keiko’s trademark registration

My original post

Her reblog

The first incident was in relation to a sort of update I made about Keiko’s trademark application. The news had occurred at night (in my time-zone) so it took me quite a while until I finally got the chance to upload my post. Everyone who has read my ABOUT ME post (I recommend you go and read it if you haven’t!) knows that I always try my best to provide content as quickly as possible and that I feel quite self-conscious about taking too long. I am a perfectionist at heart so I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself. On top of that I have to deal with the pressure other people put on me which makes things a lot worse. Since I run a public blog with a fair amount of followers and lurkers there are lots of people who have certain expectations of me and who do not shy away from voicing said expectations and making all sorts of demands. So whenever someone feels the need to point out my less frequent posts, the decreasing number of translations, my slow updates, etc, I feel a little “triggered”. I am self-aware enough to admit that I am usually not on my best behaviour when I react to such comments but I do believe it’s only natural to be a little defensive when confronted with something like that. Now here’s what happened: mistress_of_the_obvious reblogged my post with a comment of her own. What bothered me about it was the fact that she started her comment by pointing out that she had already discussed the issue with others hours ago on the cpm discord chat. I know, it probably seems like a harmless remark to the casual onlooker but for me it was a harsh reminder that I was pretty late with my post. The rest of her comment didn’t offer any new information, it was pretty much just a recap of everything I had already talked about but phrased in a fancier manner. So in my mind that comment of hers ultimately didn’t serve a single purpose except to highlight the fact that I was too slow. It felt like she was trying to one-up me. I asked her about it and let her know that I didn’t appreciate the tone of her comment. She denied having any sort of bad intention and accused me of overreacting…I will admit that I was probably overreacting a tiny bit but up till this day I strongly believe that her remark was uncalled-for. There was some back and forth between us in the reply section and via PM, I even confided in her and told her about the pressure I struggle with (knowledge she would later use against me to spread lies about me on the cpm forums) and then we eventually decided there was no point in continuing the discussion since neither of us was willing to budge an inch.

Incident #2) FBM Live post

My post

Her post

The second incident was related to one of my news posts regarding a Front Band Member live. This probably won’t make sense without some background info. I generally do not mind if my info posts get shared on other sites. However, I do mind if my content gets shared without proper credits. You know what happens then? The content keeps getting shared all over the internet and the source is completely forgotten (or even worse: others are claiming the content as their own). A few days after I had made a post about it, mistress_of_the_obvious made a post of her own with the exact same information. The formatting of her text led me to believe that the info was originally taken from my post and that it had somehow gotten to her via detour. I hate reposts with a passion (especially if the content of that repost was originally posted by me). At that point of time she was already in my bad books so that repost probably pissed me off more than it should have. I decided to confront her with it. While I obviously couldn’t prove it I thought it was VERY likely - if I hadn’t been almost 100% convinced I wouldn’t have broached the subject with her. She confirmed that she had gotten the info from someone on cpm but she refused to even consider the possibility that that person could have gotten the content from my blog. Instead she acted like I was out of my mind for accusing an innocent CPM user of such a “horrible deed” (as if it doesn’t happen all the time that people are taking my content and sharing it somewhere else without crediting me >_>)…she went on and on about me being crazy and that I would just have to deal with reposts. The thing went nowhere and that was pretty much the last time we interacted…

Aside from these two incidents there are some other things that have rubbed me the wrong way about her: 

The fact that she often insisted on disagreeing with me (even preparing entire essays to refute my arguments)

The fact that she kept mentioning the lackluster quality of the already existing scans in the fandom (most of those scans were provided by me so that did kinda annoy me)

The fact that she always seemed to want to one-up me

The fact that she told everyone that I am mentally ill

The fact that she spread lies about project Maiyaiya (which I organised) and made it out to be something it most definitely was not

The fact that she claims I only provide scans to spite her. That is ridiculous! I have always provided scans of content I owned (long before she even appeared on Tumblr - yes, the quality wasn’t the best but no  one except her ever complained about that). I started my heavy-duty collecting of Kalafina items back in 2016 and I made sure to always get the recent stuff so from then onwards my posts (including scans) increased immensely. I make it a point to share all of my new things so whenever a new pamphlet or Harmony magazine (or whatever) got released, OF COURSE I wanted to be the one to scan and share it…I don’t mind other people sharing stuff that I do not own but when it comes to things I actually have myself, I am really adamant about being the one to share it. If mistress_of_the_obvious happened to be faster than me then yes, it bothered me (because as I have told you in my ABOUT ME post, I like to be the one providing as much content as possible) but I sucked it up and reblogged her post. If I happened to be quicker, she simply ignored my post and posted her own scans at a later date. So yeah, if anyone was acting out of spite, it was HER! [And the worst thing about it is that there are a bunch of people in the fandom who very obviously belong to the “anti-Sarah-faction” and always like and reblog her scans and never bother to react to any of my stuff…Those people act super nice and lovey dovey when they want something from me but I guess they actually hate me and talk shit about me behind my back…this hypocritical behaviour has always bothered me but since I don’t really know how to deal with it I just let it happen]

So yeah, I think I will wrap up this post…can’t really say anything else…I tried to be as objective as possible in this but I probably ended up sounding a little bitchy. Sorry you had to go through this. This has seriously taken me SO LONG to write (which is why I am super behind with my asks - I am so sorry people, I will get to your ask eventually!!!)

[tumblunni]

Man, god, im just suddenly thinking about "ak/ur/oku" and like.. How the fuck did that even become such a huge thing in early 2000s fandom? Dear god so much early gay shipping in fandom was super unhealthy "sinful" bullshit made by straight people for fetishy purposes rather than genuine representation. But a/kurok/u was such a weird one because it was like.. Just globally accepted and never aknowledged to be problematic?? Man i still remember how lil 13 year old me didnt know there was anything wrong with it, like seriously when stuff like this becomes popularized it ends up sending bad messages to actual queer youth. Learning about your sexuality via the internet cos there's no sex ed irl for you, abd you end up stumbling into toxic fandoms before you have the critical thinking skills necessary to know that this stuff is bad and shouldnt be imitated. Like seriously one of the things i worry about EVERY NIGHT AT 2AM THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING is that stupid lil 15 year old me made a post on deviantart going like "are pedophiles really all bad? I mean it sounds like an illness. I mean maybe theyre just scared and they want help." Like im terrified constantly that someone will find that old thing and judge me as if i still believe that apologist crap, or as if it was actually an opinion i formed from a fully developed mind, rather than from a kid who (as far as i knew) had never met a pedophile, thinking about pedophiles in the abstract, while being influenced by fuckin pedophile-dominated fandoms and having NO IDEA. and of cooooourse i wanted to believe that i was mature for my age, i thought that was a compliment.. Uuuuugh...

Sorry, going a little offtopic there.

But anyway isnt it kinda weird how akur/oku was just.. Not even regarded as pedophilia? And when i was a kid it wasnt just me not understanding the gross parts of the fandom, i legit never thought axel was that much older than roxas. And it was one of the more popular gay ships cos at that point as far as we knew it was the only person axel had any sort of backstory with, and he cared so much about this guy that he was willing to sacrifice his life to help sora even when he knew roxas would never come back. At the time without further context it seemed like a reasonable assumption to make? And it wasnt until Days that i realized axel was intended to be an adult rather than a teenager, and even worse A LOT OF PEOPLE WHO MADE THAT SHIPPING ART KNEW THAT. Uuugh it was so gross in retrospect to go back and see all the clues i missed that these people were fetishizing roxas's inexperience and veey much writing him as underage. AAAAAAA!

Anyway im glad that shit is now recognized as shit and now we have canon evidence of this dude being old as balls. And honestly i love the relationship of him as a big brother/dad to roxas and xion a lot more, even though as a kid i was desperate for any kind of queer representation in kh. Like.. I never really actually liked the ship that much or felt any chemistry? I just latched onto a few bad writing flubs that could potentially be interpreted as Gay Evidence because i was SO damn desperate! Like i felt like i had to support all these gross abusive ships in fandom cos if i wasnt then i was being 'homophobic', i mean they were THE ONLY AVAILABLE OPTIONS, right? :( Its only now ive grown up i can see how wrong that was, and how people just used it as an excuse to make gross shit and get away with it. Like how in Black Butler all these 'yaoi fangirls' kept erasing the rarest of rare things, a canon trans woman, because 'its sexier if its gay'. Ughhhh. And seriously that discourse still exists for poor Grell, and there's still a lot of these shitty bigoted people pretending to be allies, but like seriously this was EVERYWHERE in 2005! And lgbt rights and even lgbt communities at all were way smaller and less available to the poor teenagers who really needed that positive influence while they were figuring out who they are. So man the abusive side of yaoi fandom was WAY more powerful, and wya more.mainstream, with barely any criticism. And the whole content of this fandom was creepy fuckin adults making pedo porn, and kids who just discovered they were queer and tried to headcanon their favourote characters as being like them. Fucking predator heaven! So yeh that ruined KH for me and definately made me scared of returning to Black Butler for almost a decade. And then i found out that the manga itself has none of that pedo shit and that one of the fandom's biggest abusive gay man archetypes was actually a trans woman this entire time, and just gahhhhh....

Also like seriously this is a tad offtopic but can we kill the anime trope of either everyone looking young or everyone looking old? Or creepy things where just one character looks the wrong age in order to fetishize pedophilia? I dont think kingdom hearts was one of those intentional ones, like i mean there's super bad shit where its like 'this 5 year old looking person is really 9000 years old/actually 18 and just hasnt had their growth spurt yet' (somehow its even more insulting when theres not even a magical excuse) Or the other way around and we have a character thats canonically underage but drawn looking sexually mature with big ol knockers so its somehow okay. The existence of those horrible things is why i end up feeling uncomfortable even seeing ambiguous ages as just a trope in completely innocent anime, yknow? Like in pokemon and digimon all the 10 year old protagonists are exactly the same height as all the adults, and all the female love interests for ash have to be early bloomers in terms of chest and hips, while notably Iris is the only one who actually looks her age and also the first non love interest. Its another reason why i prefer the new art style for the latest season, they make everyone look like kids and Lillie continues to look like a kid even though she's the main girl and has all the cute scenes with Ash. The girls even got very normal looking kiddy swimsuits in the beach episode! Why is that so uncommon, to find the bare minimum thing of underage kids not being sexualized at the beach??

Soooooo yeah, thats at least part of why kid me thought axel and roxas were within a similar age range. Like i thought roxas was maybe 16 and axel was 18?? Somehow?? I dont even know, kingdom hearts isnt even SUPER bad with the 'kids look like older teens,all adults look like age 20 at the most' anime syndrome. Its probably more because id been raised on games and anime that followed that trope, before i played kh. And as a kid you just dont really know the exact differences between 'old', like i mean i knew teenagers were tall and boys get a growth spurt, so somehow it made sense to me that axel could be the same age as roxas?? And man even if i knew he wasnt, i was barely educated at all about pedophilia and i didnt know the nuances of it. I just knew 'its bad for adults to marry kids' like man i was really behind the curve in general learning due to my undiagnosed autism and abusive parenting so like HERE'S 12 YEAR OLD ME NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE SEX ASPECT. And i didnt know that adults in relationships with teenagers was bad too, or like 16/17 year old teens dating kids... I was so fuckin dumb... I really cant believe that not only did i believe stupid adults saying 'pedophilia isnt bad if you're non offending, its okay to make cartoon child porn as long as you dont physically abuse real kids' but also i somehow just DID NOT EVER REALIZE that axel was an adult and roxas wasnt even a goddamn older teen...

So yeh im making a lot of excuses for why my stupid younger self was blindly parroting bullshit, but im not trying to excuse how goddamn wrong and bad it was. I still wake up ashamed in the middle of the night for crapoy decisions i made as a dumb kid, and in terrified that some shreds of it might still exist out there on the internet and maybe someone else could read it?! Gahhhh! Seriously could i have accidentally helped spread that bullshit brainwashing to other kids? And seriously when people say this shit is harmless they just need to look at this, look at how being into problematic yaoi is such a common 'phase' for ACTUAL CHILDREN. Like its not fuckin NATURAL for kids to fall into this stuff, they do it because they dont know any better but the people making the goddamn founding blocks of the fandom are fuckin grown women fetishizing gay men or grown men fetishing lesbians. There's people who do know better who actually conciously decide that a/kurok/u is a good ship while knowing all the goddamn details of what it actually is and exactly what theyre supporting by shipping it. Ughhhhh!

So yeh fuckin Please Stay Safe In Fandom, Kids

And pedophiles have absolutely none of my sympathy, please ignore that goddamn shit i wrote as a little kid being fuckin groomed by a fandom without even knowing it.

This also applies a lot to the rest of LGBT+ aside from just gay shipping, like seriously it took me til age 18 to find any positive representation of trans people or even a proper explanation of what being trans is, yet before i was even 8 years old i'd seen a million 'lol gross man in a dress who gets sexual gratification from wearing women's underwear' jokes in kids shows. And when i was 12 i'd already been exposed to the fuckin hell of m/pre/g thanks to its prevelance of untagged n/sf/w shit in the kh fandom. And by age 15 i'd been exposed to pedophile apologists arguing whether child porn was okay if they only got off to that and didnt personally abuse that kid with their own hands. All of that shit but actually learning about homosexuality and gender in sex ed would have been 'too much' for someone my age...

God what a fuckin mess. Fuck im really really fuckin worried that any of my ignorant comments at those ages could have been read by other ignorant kids and contributed to that disgusting fandom atmosphere. Fuck i think about this so damn often im so damn ashamed of how ignorant i used to be yet i know the adult fuckfaces making pedo shit never reel one lick of shame any damn day of their life. I used to excuse their shit as an actual kid cos i just ASSUMED they would be ashamed and want to seek help! Gahhhh..

[dandelion-girl]

Our first Valentine - Simbar

A/N: Hi, everyone! So to celebrate Valentine's Day, I decided to write a one-shot about this amazing couple! ❤️ It is kind of big because I am not good with short stories xD! Plus I took so long to post because I worse than Ámbar while choosing a drink. But it only 7 pm here so it's perfect to celebrate the evening of this day of love. Hope you like it! Please tell me what you think! Anddd if you have ideas of your own, feel free to tell me! 😉

Ámbar's POV I take another look in the mirror and snort, still not satisfied with how I look. My next step is throwing myself on the bed (yes dramatically). I have tried at least 100 outfits but all of a sudden they seem to have shrinked, gotten baggy, out of fashion or simply make me look bad. Ughhhh, I have absolutely nothing to wear.

I hear a knock on the door and hopelessly shout "Come on in!" I hear the door be opened, then closed and a pair of feet walking in my direction, but my eyes never open. I feel the mattress giving up and check who is here. "Heyyy!" Luna greets me, a strange smile in her face. "Hey..." I whisper, rolling my eyes. "What's happening? Isn't Simón picking you up in a bit?" "Don't talk about it... I think I am going to cancel!" "Ámbar, you cannot cancel Valentine's Day!" She exclaims giggling. I roll my eyes again and sigh, sitting. "I can if the other option is going out naked..." Luna laughs and I shot her a death glare, making her press her lips together, trying to control herself. "I am sorry, Ámbar but that's super super unlikely! You have so many clothes! I am sure there is one you like!" "I do but then I don't and then I like another one and the next second I hate it..." Luna shakes her head and for the first time I notice she is all dressed up. "See! You look amazing! Why can't I look that way?" I whimper, and yes I know for a fact I am being a drama Queen. But I like being a Queen of something. "Ámbar, this isn't about the clothes it's something else. Tell me, what's happening! I am all ears! Or will try!" I sigh and give in. "It's just I am really nervous..." "Okay, I already noticed that... But why? Is something going on?" "Other than the fact that I am going out on a date with Simón to God knows where because he doesn't tell me anything, being our first ever Valentine's Day which means I cannot mess up or be stupid or anything like that because it will completely ruin the whole relationship, and the fact that I couldn't find a gift good enough for him, yup everything is amazing!" "Okay! I see what's happening! Ámbar, Simón loves you, like really, really love you. So honestly he will think you look beautiful no matter what you are wearing. Which means that part is up to you and you only. Don't stress so much, I know you will love what he has planned!" "Oh My! Luna, you know where we are going? You have to tell me like right now!" Luna laughs and shakes her head. "No, way, Ámbar! I promised him I would not tell you!" "Please, I am desperate... I need something to guide me!" Yes I beg, because that was just how much this was affecting me... "Okay. Okay! How about I help you chose your clothes?" "I am not sure that's a good idea... No offense!" We both giggle and she sighs. "I know our styles are very different! So, what about this: I am giving you a clue! You should not wear something fancy, but more like something comfortable!" "Comfortable? Okay... I guess I can work with that." I get up and face my closet again.

Ámbar just make up your mind for once...

I start looking around the closet and after digging on some of my drawers, I feel kind of satisfied with what I have. After putting on my choice I turn to the mirror. I went for a light blue shirt, because I know much he loves seeing me in this color. For the bottom, I chose a silver skater skirt, which actually is a pair of shorts, with a little bow in the front. I added bracelets, earrings and, of course, the necklace we gave me with a piece of amber. I turn to Luna who is now facing me, hands covering her mouth. "Ámbar! You look... Amazing!" "Are you sure? Maybe I should change the skirt..." I start but she shushes me. "Okay, okay. I look at my watch. Just on time then. I only have to finish my makeup." "Great! Speaking of which could you borrow me a lipstick? I wanted to wear a red one but I don't have!" "Sorry! I forgot you had come here with a reason! Of course I can! Follow me! Trying to impress Balsano, hum?" She giggles blushing and we go to my makeup table. I help her give the final touches to her makeup and then finish mine, trying to keep my first plan going, without changing my mind a 1000 times...

When we are both ready, we get up and look at each other. We both look beautiful. Even though she clearly is all dressed up because she knows she is going to an Italian restaurant (typical Matteo) but I only know I should wear "something comfortable". For as far as I am concerned, as long as I am feeling beautiful, I am comfortable, but I know that's not what Luna means. "Any other advice?" I ask, after we made sure we had everything settled for when the boys arrive. "Yes! Relax and enjoy, Ámbar!" I take a deep breath and nod. I am trying. It's just really hard to be calm when the love of your life prepared a surprise for you. I am really not a fan of surprises... Just then, the bell rings and we both get up excited. Thankfully my godmother is away for some business meetings so she can't boss me around about what I can and cannot do. Luna heads outside and I tell her I will be right behind her. I just have to grab my purse and Simón's present. When I get to the top of the stairs there are two things I notice. One: Lutteo is already on fire. And most importantly, two: Simón is waiting for me at the bottom, looking super cute and hot, more than usually because he is looking rather fancy. He has a pair of dark blue jean and button up light gray shirt. Oh he looks nice. I am starting to doubt my choice of outfit, but throw those thoughts to the bottom of my mind. Simón has a smile from hear to hear, his eyes sparkling. I smile back and when we are finally just a step of distance, he grabs my waist and lifts me up, pulling me down in front of him. He picks my hand and leaves a soft kiss there. Oh how I love when he does that. I thenwrap my arms around him and peak him the lips, rubbing our noses together. "You look amazingly beautiful, Miss Ámbar." He whispers in my hear. I smile and whisper back. "You don't look so bad yourself, Álvarez. We match!" I giggle back. He takes my arm and after saying goodbye to Lutteo, we head outside to his car. He opens the door for me and after making sure I have my seatbelt on he says "I need something. I will be back in a minute. Don't move!" I follow him with my eyes and see Amanda handing him something that looks like a bag, but I cannot be sure. He then puts it in the truck and in a few seconds is sitting by my side. I have to bite my tongue not to ask anything. "Where are we going?" I ask, curiosity filling me, when he turns on the engine. "It's a surprise. You will see!" I sigh and roll my eyes. What can I do?

On our ride, we there is no moment of silence ever. Simón is one of those people which always has something to say. He rambled about how the day in Jam and Roller was, and by the way he is talking I understand he is probably just as nervous as I am. I grab his hand and squeeze it, making him turn to me and give another of his glorious smiles, I feel myself blush. He takes our hands to his lips and again kisses my knuckles. Making me smile like a fool. Oh, how I a love him. "What about you, princess? How was you day?" "Oh, nothing special, it mostly consisted in me freaking out about this. Specially because you gave me soooo much information..." He chuckles, while taking a right turn, letting go of my hand. "You did nail the outfit!" He winks and again I smile stupidly.

Is is going to be like this all evening, Ámbar?

"I had a little help..." I confess shrugging. "Well you won't have to wait any less longer because we are a minute away. Because close your eyes." I do as he says and in a few seconds I feel his turning off the car. "Can I open now?" I ask. "No!" I roll my eyes mentally. One second Simón is on the drivers seat, the other he is opening the door for me. He helps out of the car, and for one moment I wonder if I should have chosen high heels. I mean they are comfortable enough... We will see... "I am carry you not, if you don't mind." He whispers in my ear. If I mind him carrying me? Not a chance. I nod and he picks me up, bridal style. I wrap my arms around his neck, leaning my head in shoulder and notice his perfume is rather nice today. He always smells nice, like Simón, like home, but today he is all of that and more. Simón walks with me in his arms for no more than 1 minute and before he puts me down he says. "I am sorry but your shoes will have to go!" "What?!" He giggles. "When can I open my eyes? This is killing me!" "Now!" He answers and I cannot hold one second more. I open my eyes, still in his arms and gasp. We are standing on this cute little beach, so mini it could be a private one. In front of me is a super romantic scenario, one of those which you only see int the movies. There is a huge blanket on the floor, a basket decorated with a blue bow. Behind there is this enormous blue tent, decorated with fairy lights. A few pillows are thrown inside. I fell my feet reaching the floor, touching the soft and warm sand. I gasp and turn around, facing Simón. He is scratching the back of his head, meaning he is nervous about my reaction. I consider for a moment playing and pretending to hate everything but then I pity him. "You don't like it?" He asks, his facing reminding me of the disappointment and sadness it showed when I "rejected" his second kiss on our first date. I throw myself in his arms and kiss his, framing his jaw with my hands. He wraps his arms on my waist, pulling me up, since now that I don't have my shoes, we have quite a height difference. I let go of him and his eyes show that he isn't convinced with my reaction. "Simón? I loved it! Don't look like that! It's amazing!" I pick his hand and drag him with me to the blanket. I sit facing him and he smiles. "I know I could have taken you to a fancy restaurant. To something glamorous and the kind of thing you are used to, and I know you were expecting. But I decided I wouldn't do any of that. Every guy can take a girl out for dinner any where, but I wanted to do something special. Just for you. Just for us." I smile as well and nod, trying to control the tears in my eyes. He comes close and whispers. "Hold those tears, bonita. Don't get emotional just yet." "Now I am going to show what I have prepared for us! So, I have four options of everything from the starters to dessert." "Simón!" I pout, rolling my eyes and smiling at the same time. "Anything for my indecisive girlfriend!" He winks, kissing my cheek. He starts taking things from the basket and he wasn't kidding when he said he had four of everything. We start eating remembering all the good moments we have shared and he keeps making fun of how indecisive I am. "Ámbar, I am telling I counted. You changed your drink 7 times and then Nico, Pedro and I were discussing which one you wanted because you had said something different to each one of us." He laughs and I playfully hit him on the chest. "Maybe I changed my mind a bit but it's not my fault you guys didn't pay me attention!" "Not fair! I always pay the most attention to you! That's why instead of asking you, I just prepare a bunch of choices so that you can really choose which one you want." He says, squeezing my nose and I blush. "And that is one of the reasons why I love you so much!" I admit, giving him a tight hug. "I love you too, bonita! Now, I have a surprise for you!" "Another one? Please don't tell me you want to go to the water!" He chuckles and gets up. "No, no. I just need to get something." I follow with my eyes as he slides inside the tent and comes out with his guitar in his hand. He sits next to me, our legs pointing to the waves, our shoulders touching and he kisses my hair. "Sing with me, bonita?" He asks whispering in my ear. I turn my head to him, locking our eyes. "Always." I give him a quick kiss and then lean my head in his shoulder. "So what are we singing?" He winks and starts playing the guitar. I hear the first moments of the slow version of "Cómo me ves" and smile. He smiles, encouraging me and I start singing, being followed by him.

Lo que quiera puedo ser ¿Cómo me ves? Cuando piensas que me iré Todo al revés

Un espejo, una señal ¿Que pasará? Me preguntas que será Lo verás

Lo que todos quieren ser ¿Cómo me ves? Lo que siempre quieren ver No fallaré

Un espejo, una señal ¿Que pasará? Me preguntas que será

Nada cambiará Esto es lo que soy Mirarte a los ojos sin perdón Mi fuerza, mi destino, es mi canción

Voy a salir de tu espejo Tu voz que a lo lejos me encontró Palabras que envuelven mi corazón ¿Cómo me ves?, soy tu reflejo

Siempre estará en mi tu amor Quiero decirte Cómo me ves, yo soy

Voy a salir de tu espejo Tu voz que a lo lejos me encontró Palabras que envuelven mi corazón ¿Cómo me ves?, soy tu reflejo

Siempre estará en mi tu amor Quiero decirte Cómo me ves, yo soy

When we finish the song, Simón puts the guitar down and picks me up, sitting me in his lap facing him. I embrace his neck and pull him for a kiss. "I love singing with you." He says when I let go of him, still on his lap. "I know. Everyone loves singing with me." I mock, playing with my hair. "But it's with me you  sing..." He teases, placing his forehead in mine. "I do have a favorite singer. And to make matter worse he can play the guitar, skate, dance and prepare amazing dates." "Oh My... He sounds terrible! You should dumb him and stay with me..." "Hummm... No! I can't live without my Simón!" "I cannot live without my Ámbar as well. You know she has the most beautiful eyes in the whole world? Not to mention she is perfect in everything she does even if it's simple being indecisive!" I hit him again. "You were going so well..." "Sorry, sorry! Soooo do you want your other surprise now?" "No! First I give you my surprise!" I open my bag and take out a blue box. Yes blue it's Simón's favourite color. "Open!" I command, a bit bossy because I am super excited to see what he thinks about his present. He picks the box and starts unwrapping it slowly. "Simón! Open it for once!" He takes his hands up in defense and do as I said. When he finally sees what's inside the box, he picks his present and turns it in the air, examining it with a serious look. I am biting my lips, waiting for him to say something, anything. He frowns, and then gives me his golden boy smile. I let out the air I was holding. "Is this what I think it is?" He asks, his eyes never leaving his present. "Do you like it?" "If I like it? Ámbar, I love this so much! Thank you!" He pulls me closer and I hug him from behind. We both look at the silver chain with two blue guitar picks. Each one has the inicial S. and A. in the front. But it's the back that it's the most important part. One of them has written "#Simbar" because that's what they call us on the Internet and the other one has a picture of us, we took on my birthday a month ago. "S and A? Simón and Ámbar?" He asks, turning to look at me. I chuckle. "Actually it was Simón Álvarez. But I guess it can be that too." "I like Simón and Ámbar better!" He admit winking, making me blush. Simón puts the chain on and I nod, happy with what I chose. "I will never take this off!" He promises, wrapping his hand around the guitar picks and bringing them close to his heart. "I hope you do. Because I want to hear you play and sing again." "You know what I mean. Now, it's time for my gift!" He takes a pink box from the tent and I start wondering what else he has hidden in there. "Here. I hope you like it!" Curious, I unwrap the pink shinny paper only to reveal a silver box. I hope it, wishing that it isn't something rose gold and smile. "Simón!" I gasp turning to him. Inside there is a silver bracelet with a single charm, a pink heart. "This has a meaning! The bracelet is our story, so every meaningful moment we spend together, you will be adding new charms to your bracelet. That one is for our first Valentine's day!" "Simón..." I whisper, tears in my eyes and I cannot control myself so I start crying. "You are so good! What have I done to deserve you?" "What have I done to deserve you?" I giggle in the middle of my happy tears and hug him. He kisses my neck and I inhale his smell once again, feeling calmer. His kisses turn to my jaw, my cheeks, cleaning my tears and then finally to my lips. We share a sweet kiss which shows our love for each other. When we separate from one another, Simón picks the bracelet and puts it in my left wrist, placing a kiss there. "I cannot wait for more charms, because that means the future has so much planned for us." "It sure does and right now what the future has planned is for a first for you!" He tells me and I raise my eyebrows, not really sure what he meant. "Hum... Simón, I am not... We are not..." "Okay... Oh, I am sorry. This sounded really bad. That's not what I meant. I don't want that. I mean I want but not now and I was not going to force you. I would never force you. You know that. Right? Right?" He starts rambling, making me chuckle. "Simón, calm down! I know you and I know you would never do that. So what did you mean?" "You know when the guys and I were homeless and you said you had never camped and it didn't sound interesting?" "Yeah..." "Well, I am going to prove you are wrong. You, Miss Ámbar Smith are going to 'camp' with me tonight. Only we are not on the woods, we are on a beach because here there are no bugs, the humidity is way better andddd it's much more romantic?" "What? How?" "Well, Amanda prepared that bag over there for you so you have PJ's and a change of clothes for tomorrow!" "Simón... I can't believe you right now!" "You are staying with me, right?" "Of course, I am silly!" I kiss him and sit in front of him, my back against his and his arms around my waist, his head on my shoulders, kissing me on the neck. We stay like this for a while, not saying anything just enjoying each other's company, admiring the starts. Later that night, after attacking desert and having changed clothes with Simón on the other side of the beach, while I am lying with my head in his chest, and he is playing his the locks of my hair, I smile at how perfect everything turned up. "Thank you so much for everything, baby. I loved it all. Good night. I love you!" "I love you too, bonita. Sweet dreams." I tighten my arms around his dorso and plant a kiss on his shirtless chest, enjoying the warm and comfort of being in his arms. How I love this man... ❤️

A/N: So here it was! Hope you liked it! Let me know!!!

[maidenoftheforestlight-blog]

What plots/scenes do you dislike the most from GoT so far?

Well… there’re so many to choose from and each of my least favourite scenes/plots is awful for its own unique reasons. i’ll just list the first few that come to mind… 

For me, you really can’t get worse that the whole Sansa/Ramsay plot… It was all based around Sansa getting raped. The whole thing was written just so she could get raped and hang the logic! They were like, “Sansa needs to be raped” and wrote the story around that. ‘Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken’… just thinking about that episode just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I can’t express how much that plot upset me as a book fan and as Sansa fan… Also it totally ruined Petyr Baelish’s credibility as a player forever more. Just throw everyone’s characters out the window, why don’t you GOT?

On the same token, pretty much anything to do with Sansa since then has been linked to that plot and has thus been utterly ridiculous, including what’s going on in this current season (which has furthermore completely destroyed the character of Arya Stark in particular… omg). And that brings us to the fact that this current season’s Winterfell plot is also linked to Arya’s failed Braavos plot and that’s definitely another of my least favourite things the show has done. Most of it was boring and pointless and the rest of it was just stupid. I’m sorry… that bloody Terminator chase scene… ugh…

I could also be really obvious and just bring up Dorne… because everything about that was just a failure of EPIC proportions… But honestly, that was so bad that it doesn’t even feel right to critique it anymore. Too easy. It is overtly bad. It speaks for itself… 

So… moving on… I feel like Tyrion’s plot after season 4 has also suffered greatly. This has more to do with the showrunners trying to make Tyrion more uncomplicated and (typically) heroic than he is in the books because… let’s face it, Tyrion is reallyyyyy messed up  after he escapes Kingslanding. But the show is determined that Tyrion is just going to be this super cool, super smart, super funny (except not so funny without GRRM’s witty writing) saint of a man…. so we can’t explore any of that. Instead we got long awkward conversations and an aggravatingly patronising new role for him as Tyrion must now function as the irrational and childish Dany’s “head” and stop her from being a bad girl… ughhhh

I could talk about Dany as well and how awful her plot has been for a long time but as you can see, I can just keep going because one awful plot just leads to the next. To just round this all off, I think what really took the cake for me this season (and it’s not even one of my least favourite things, I just found it hilarious) was Sam/Jorah’s plot. So Jorah got greyscale, highly contagious fantasy leprosy thought damn near impossible to heal, and Sam cured it in one night… by cutting it off. And there were no repercussions. Jorah is fine. Sam is fine. Jorah didn’t even infect anyone. So why the hell did they even give him Greyscale then? Because apparently the actor wanted some time off or something… LOL! And then Sam, Sam who already knew about the WW killing properties of dragon glass and where to get it, having killed one with it already and having talked to Stannis about the fact that there’s loads of it at Dragonstone, goes to the Citadel to research this and… finds out something he already knew and then just leaves… So what was the point of all that then? Curing Jorah’s Greyscale in one evening? 

You can only laugh.

It just proves that this show can’t be taken seriously anymore. You can either watch it to rip it to shreds as a critic or, if you still want to find some entertainment in it, watch it to laugh at how much of a parody of itself it has become.