#i honestly dont know why they kept it up after season 2 like i couldnt see a reason to but they made s3 and s4 somehow

[thebigqueer]

i know high school musical the series isnt even in my age range and i wasnt even going to watch the season but i did because i saw a video shitting on it and now i regret it how can you fuck up a show so bad it was so terrible

[campfam4lyfe]

So good to meet another Brookji/Kenlynn fan! What do you think that will happen between them in JWCT season 2 (or later seasons)?

YESSS ANOTHER BROOKENJI!!!!!

okay so, honestly, i have like. zero clue. of what i think will actually happen, because there could be so many different roads for them to take. i know what i want though, and that is a kenlynn endgame. i understand why they broke up, i do. but to see their faces as it happened. the devastation--neither of them wanted it. but kenji had to do it, and i dont blame him.

but guys! brooklynn loves the camp fam--she keeps their picture up on her mystery board. she kept it as her lockscreen. she loves them. i also have to say, that brooklynn loves kenji. as a boyfriend, as a lover--as her person. darius says she was real broken up about the breakup, and she clearly had regrets. she told darius about how and where it happened. she kept that video with the "brokwie bear" and "kenji wenji." she has that video because she couldn't help but film him bc she thought he was being cute. it was one of the first things they saw when they decided to look through her phone! she loves him!

and kenji loves her--his grief over her death, his anger at the people he suspected of being involved in her death--the constant "where were you's" to darius--he needed to know why he wasnt there. that bit where he says "be honest with me. if you loved brooklynn, and mean, really loved her, why werent you there?" broke me, absolutely, cause goddamn ouch. like. he loves her, so he couldnt imagine not showing up if she called him. to the extent where he needs to know why darius wasnt and its like. does he, somehow, blame himself a lot? is that a veiled, *i* could have been there, why didnt she want me there?? devastating stuff.

but. thats all s1 stuff. youre asking about season 2 and onwards! so. what i think will happen--okay, so, you remember how in the end of s1 cc they showed ben was alive? and then we got a ben&bumpy episode that spanned the near-month he was alone. im wondering if they'll do that with brooklynn at some point. truly, i dont know. its possible, but maybe there going to reveal it in pieces, like flashbacks.

i want to know how brooklynn survived. the extent of her realtionship with ronnie, and about all the stuff she'd uncovered abt the dino smugglers since she started till now.

but also, i want a reunion so so bad, and since CT was handling everything else so well, i think theyll do a reunion justice too. and that means i think they will give some of the characters space to be angry. obviously i think there will be relief--who wouldnt be, to find out your friend is alive? but then i think there might also be betrayal, or anger or both.

and maybe also a little horror. brooklynn lost her HAND. and those moments leading up to it must have been terrifying.

i want the fact that she has lost a hand to be addressed. for instance, she can't drive her motorcycle anymore, at least not without a proper prosthesis. and its clearly something she liked doing--her helmets! one for her and one for kenji. just. AHHHHHH you know???

i want kenji to be wooed, let brooklynn woo kenji CT writers, let them woo each other.

i realize i keep meandering and never properly answering your question. im so sorry! okay--i think things will be tense, probably, with relief mixed in, but also a lot of hurt, and some anger. i think brooklynn will have her reasons, its a matter of whether or not the camp fam can accept those reasons or not, after all, we cannot force anyone to accept our apologies. i think they will however, though it may be at different stages for different characters. i think kenlynn will be able to reconcile, and im hoping for a "i knew youd come around/dont ruin it" call back. (my biggest hope is for that ghost line callback tho) but i also think brooklynn will have to show kenji that she does value his time and being with him, and just, him. which, i think its clear she does, but she got a little too consumed with her mystery for a hot sec.

[ganondoodle]

couldnt fall asleep for at least 2 full hours bc i kept thinking about it, so ... more (i hope this is the last time)

what was the point of adding isha? no i mean it! i started to like her in act 2 bc i liked mute characters and her with vanderwick where pretty cute.. those episodes are still my favorite, but shes so?? she gets dropped into jinxs lap quite literally (WHY where cross's goons (the chembaron) even chasing her?? i thought thered be some reveal or soemthign or backstory idk but no she just came out of nowhere and got chased for no reason other than to end up falling on jinx and seeing her shoot the goons) and then is given some cutesy time with em only to die horribly for literally nothing except make jinx .... suicidal ... which SHE ALREADY WAS, the entire vi and jinx fight scene at the start of the season is about her wanting vi to kill her- using isha like that is such a waste and so cheap, it served no purpose other than to give jinx and the viewer i guess the hope that things could be better even after everything only to rip it all away again and make it all even worse, but it already was so bad that it falls incredibly flat, and aside from jinx being worse than ever mentally no one seems to really mind? (ALSO feels slimy bc she was mute, mute kid chaarcter only gets used as a cheap way to make mentally unwell character even more mentally unwell)

magma vanderwick ... how ... what was that then? i thought it was either singed who was left alone in the greenhouse with vanderwick using that serum on him that supposedly .. does something to prevent viktor from bringing vanders mind fully back (no other information on that?) or it was viktor 'dying' that made all other cult people flop over and get taken/into stasis, and bc vanderwick was such a strange creature it took vander or part of him but not the beast- but then in act 3 ..... singed uses that serum THERE, so it wasnt him doing anything and him standing ominously in the broken greenhouse was jsut to .. show singed was still alive bc that fucker cant ever die- AND when stupid viktor turns people into fugly robots (im pretty sure, unless im mixing up what mind erased him) you see his memories being burned, so hollowed out .. which means that he was still himself? so it wasnt that viktors 'death' erased vander and left the beast bc it was still both at that point .... what the fuck was up with him then at the end of act2??? why did he go all volcano??

AND then at the end with the weird vi getting emotional over fugly robo vanderwick scene the beast i guess is STILL there .. but when you get turned like that you just turn into a robot and your mind ceases to exist, he already had vander erased, but then gets taken and turned robo so the beast should be gone too?? no`??? even if i remember it wrong and it was viktor who mind erased just vander- again problem as before, why did he go volcano then?? AND why did he slump over dead eyed after it? shouldnt the beast take over immediately when vanders gone??

....did jinx even interact at all with sevika after the scene in stillwater?? i dont think so, what a joke honestly, sevika was pretty much part of the team, then she gets isha out and then next time its jinx isha and vi going to search for vanderwick, the fuck has she been doing until the last episode where she doesnt say or really do a single thing???

im sorry lesbians but that sex scene was rather missplaced, not agaisnt it in general but the timing?? (any sex scene there at that time would be missplaced imo) jinx pretty clearly told vi that she will kill herself "you wont have to worry about me anymore" "im breaking the cycle" HELLO??? and while we dont know how long it took for cait to find vi down there (whereever that prison even is? not stillwater thats for sure) shouldnt vi burst out the prison and go chase after jinx the second she was freed???? i get she says soemthign like losing hope of getting through to her BUT JINX IS GOING TO KILL HERSELF?????????? and then cait and vi make out and fuck in the LITERAL SAME CELL THAT JINX WAS JSUT IN?????????? and even after that doesnt go to check on her?? you CANNOT tell me vi just gave up on her and accepted she killed herself like that

ALSO did no one know what signed was doing with vanderwick (who was still alive .. so isha kinda died uselessly, if he died then as well at least it would mess up the plan .. the stupid plan, i hate viktor cocoon hivemind shit)? they had to get vi out of there so ?? and vi also didnt like .. check if idk vanderwick was really fully dead or just go there again? even if it was secured or soemthign i dont remember her askign anything about him just jinx ... bc there she still cared at least a little bit about her i guess

jayce ... why did act2 make him out to be all mad and like he was given a mission by ekko and heimer (bc he says "i wont fail them" THEM) but then its revealed it was old future viktor who send him back/gave him the mission- ALSO why was he so extreme and mad in act2 when .. yes in act 3 you see him go through that torture in the cavern but when he climbs up hes relatively calm and collected and ignores the weird crawly monsters and has a somewhat normal conversation with old viktor .. and then he returns and is suddendly all mad and going after present viktor- WHICH ONLY MAKES IT SO IT ENDS UP LIKE THE STUPID TIMELOOP??? did i miss something or does that makes no sense?? the only reason it not ending up like that being ekkos intervention- but jayce before that seems to just .. do all that like he wants it to end like in the loop .. i thought he was trying to stop it .. what was the point?

did no one question where the heck salo went? even if he fell from grace .. it feels weird to put him to viktor, make it clear on him how viktor isnt just healing people but taking their minds bc that wasnt salo anymore and no one seems to care?

kinda similar with mel bc her being taken only really matters to ambessa (and when they reunite i expected ambessa to break tbh ...) and one comment from salo and anyone else? who cares? wasnt she in charge? i mean yeah cait took over in a sense but it still feels weird; plus on the whole mel business .. she went from big important power figure of the enterity of piltover to uh .. mage lady in black body suit so quickly? political power figure to weeee blasting vaguely gold magic stuff all over yippiiiie (but in general all political stuff just went out the window with those last episodes)

i said before how i didnt like the whole getting put into other dimension bs with ekko even if the setting was somewhat neat, but similar how weird jayces end speech to viktor felt idk .. ekko having to see, interact and .. make out with a jinx/powder that was 'normal' to see that jinx in his time still had value felt slimy to me also he conveniently gets put right there when jinx is about to kill herself (bc neither sevika nor VI went after her??or did he find her? when did he show up again? idk tbh?) and then uses the z-drive just to try and say the right thing to not make her do it and at the end to through it in viktors face ....................... and jinx showing up at the end barely changes anythign except give her another outfit/look and put her up there in order to do her 'sacrifice' .............idk it all felt so cheap

also maddie evil reveal was so .... was that really needed, like that especially? just so ambessa can tell caitlyn 'told you lol' ?

caitlyn knowing that jinx isnt gone and keeping it a secret is played as if thats a cool thing bc jinx isnt dead yippiiee but to me it makes it even worse (aside from the whole 'our story isnt over' bleurgh ouch eughgnen line of teasing more bc big corpo likes to leaves things open in case they make more expensives shows to serve nothing but the world most overblown champion and skin trailers and in case they dont well who cares) bc its just so ... slimy, am i supposed to see it as a happy end or win for vi bc she gets to be with caitlyn?? bc that is more important than her SISTER THE RELATIONSHIP TO WHICH THE ENTIRE SHOW WAS BUILT AROUND?????? adding the trope i hate 'group of people splitting up at the end bc thats clearly the best for them' FUCK THAT! Vi should have joined jinx and sevika (add isha and non robo vanderwick best case scenario, also ekko and they all get cool jinx outfits and everything, let jinx be a hero instead of a lil crazy footnote in viktors god complex) and get caitlyn on her side to fight piltover to free zaun (maybe with ambessa taking over piltover, mel returning and joining the forces of zaun forcing her to fight her even though it breaks ambessa bc she cares too much about mel or soemthing and jayce and viktor can battle it out gay boi style somewhere else or later interupting the main revolution fight idk im jsut yelling but this whole viktor god thing and robo war and whatever really went so off the rails and out of propoertion i hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh also vanderwick should get to kill singed)

..........and the line of Vi calling herself the dirt under caitlyns fingernails? ... what a line to end this stupid episode with, what a line, a zaunite calling herself dirt under her noble piltover lovers fingernails

(so ... in the end ... what was 'the arcane'? its not the void? its not jsut magic? its something fucked they created when trying to create magic but ... what was it? what where those creepy crawling things? why does it work like that? taking peoples minds? healing their bodies with metal parts but also hiveminding them? what was the hexcore in the end? what the hell was all that? where did the crystals even come from? skarners lore got erased so not there? did i just forget that? and also mages exist but also seem like a very unknown thing in the show? and then mel just is that? and the black rose? like??? what was the point??? it all just feels so pointless? what was this all for? a cheeasy happy ending where they fuck with time more to fix it all would have been satisfying to me than this ... this nothing)

okay i do have to do a mini (i call it mini now.. this is just letting my feelings about it out, so its spelled agressively bc im just so .. frustrated ... also not hate to the studio or the people working on it .. obviously >_>) rant about arcane-

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR ARCANE SEASON 2

its the most beautiful show ever produced, i mean it, its style, fortiche's (the studio) style, is just .... impossibly pretty, 3d and 2d, the animation is just so GOOD, the designs largely (like 95%) are too, the acting and sound design, the voice acting (at least the english one) is so emotional and good, the show in general is just good ... until the last episode

i have my own problems with riot declaring arcane the new canon out of nowhere and for no good reason since it was, im very sure, never conceived to be that, its a reinterpreation and works best as such, now literally everything is once again completely messed up, no one knows whats real and what isnt, no champion or story is safe, especially with the weird hexcore bullshit potentially erasing the VOID (whish is like ... half on which the canon was built on tbh) AND hextech- multiple champions being impossible to exist now .... but thats not what i wanted to talk about

i was pretty on board with everything the show did, though i wasnt a big fan of the whole hexcore stuff, but it all spiraled so far out of control, it just kept making everything worse, also with bringing in the black rose and leblanc, it kept piling stuff onto the plate despite them already compressing everything so drastically; espeically regarding viktor, but i kept my hope up even after season 2s act 2 bc it still seemed 'fixable', though not easily so

what i liked about it (in its writing) despite its pacing issues was that it was rather .. self contained for the longest time, focused on the characters and the class struggle of piltover and zaun, and doing so rather well imo, like it did and said things i did not expect riot to let through

i was worried with the alternate universe stuff that came with the escalating hexcore bullshit but held onto hope even until episode 8 and then ...man .. the last episode ... the fuck was that- like i hate timetravel and multiverses and whatever but the thing with ekko was done rather neatly ... they made all those chaarcter models and sets just for that short stuff and really .. was of little use other than getting heimerdinger out of the picture as well lmao maybe he will get his own series to advertise for 200 dollar skins in league hahaaaa but i guess the main point was to give ekko the z-drive ... which feels alot like what i feared about them forcing it to comply with the characters in game ,,,, even though that wasnt for everyone like warwick was done SO dirty after giving me hope in act two

everythings focused on the hexcore/arcane shit, theres the black rose shit (honestly i think it was a mistake bringing them in too bc .. noxus is its entire own region with so many champs and story itself that got connected via ambessa .. which was a new character the show made up until they made her a champ now .. its just too much to put into this one show already going at a breakneck pace), mel doing her bit with them then bam she mage now which felt like a champion teaser more than an organic part of the story, especialyl with how hard it got pushed later (poor little riots gotta sell more game cosmetics uwu), jayce just taking over control again and everyone going with it, singed reviving stupid version victor via using vander/warwick WHO WAS STILL ALIVE AFTER ISHA BLEW HERSELF UP TO STOP HIM FROM KILLING EVERYONE (which was ALREADY pretty cheap, but i guess jinx had to be even more suicidal than she already was heehoo), dont even ask me HOW, viktor was just whoops from corpse to im a cocoon now, ambessa being so obsessed with it, the entire class struggle being """"solved"""" by piltover and zaun fighting stupid viktors weird ass robot shitheads together and then acting like giving sevika a seat at the council is the solution to it, half the cast just dying horribly for honestly no reason?? ORIANNA being now i guess some weird viktor robot but without the mindcontrol part and singed just kinda ... winning i guess by giving her cocoon some goo of stupid viktors cocoon

it just all ... turning from this so drama, character and class struggle thing into weird ass dimension hopping magical world war that all gets solved bc we fought together once uwu AND it being a fucking timeloop WITHIN what ONE episode? and that being the ENDING (i know i know the hexcore bs was building up throughout the show but it still felt so .. unearned and sudden ... )

also i got personal gripes with the 'ending' bc .. was it REALLY an ending like they kept saying?? was it?? viktor, jayce, heimerdinger, jinx are just disappeared i guess, mel going back to noxus- the fucking 'our story isnt over' tease???? the last minute appearance of swains fucking raven???? pecking at something blue and shining like idk a hex crystal??? SHUT UP i dont want more to come, this story should have had its self containing ending, not this open ended bullshit that just reeks of corporate meddling bc they want their game to connect to their popular show as much as possible now so we gotta bring in as many teases and connections to other champions YIPPIEEEEE (yelling)

also if jinx is dead, wow, what a way to end her story, the traumatized suicidal character being tortured and tortured especially after seemingly having something good for once (i liked act 2 except for its ending the most bc ... man jinx was so enjoyable there, i loved her dynamic with vi and isha and half wolf vander warwick with the beast and man struggle i love alot, that part was genuinely beautiful, i wasnt a fan of the idea of idk ekko doing time stuff and them having a happy ending bc i just dont like going back in time to fix everything kinda stuff, but i would have much much prefered that, not changing the existing story into the perfect world where everythings happy (though i liked that part ... vander silco being gay husbands like that is just so goood) but to fix what is fixable in the present- them still having gone through alot but being able to live with it, so act 2 setup was honestly my favorite way to not invalidate everything and still have something happy .... but no we gotta kill the kid to make jinx even worse and vander/warwick too while we are at it

if shes not dead (given you see a blimp(?) flying away and her scribbles showing up and caitlyn looking at the blueprints of the hexgates) then ... ??? oh yeah lets make her leave zaun and just idk go be the main character in noxus or soemthing for the next show they are gonna do bc jinx is popular so putting her everywhere is a good idea!!!1!!11

ALSO since vander/warwick is my favorite .. i thought maybe after isha doing that, if they dont reverse it, hed get taken by singed again or ran away and turned fully werewolf like he is in the game (though i would have liked if they were able to be a weird family like in act2)- but no he just gets used as fuel for stupid viktor cocoon and then mind erased and made into the ugliest weird robot thing that looks more like galio than him JUST and i feel like it really is JUST to have Vi at the end do the scene that gets jinx 'killed' .. to lead into the 'more to come' teaser.. idk about you but that scene felt so .. forced, the typical oh no platform is slowly falling down but Vi suddendly gets emotional about weird ugly robot warwick (who conveniently comes back to life as ugly robot beast since his human mind got erased but not the beast??? i guess???) and completely ignores jinx yelling at her to get to safety, it felt so WEIRD to me (if you gotta do him like that at least let Vi listen to jinx, them embracing and then watchign emotionally as robo vanderwick falls into the hexgate thing .. that was still active somehow i guess??)

(poor viktor got done so dirty too .. i liked him .. until it all went weird wit hthe hexcore stuff ....... ..... also jayce weird speech to him .. why the FUCK did you not do that back in the cult camp instead of blasting him to bits, i get it he was fucked up from seeing the future, but then later hes just ... okay???? pretty fine all things considered??? and pretty aware of everything?? also his weird speech being all like vitkor actually you were perfect in your imperfection BITCH HE WAS SLOWLY DYING AN AGONIZING DEATH???? idk ??? it all feels so weird to me, like there episodes literally missing- ambessa dying also felt so unnecessary .. just so mel can take her place and go to noxus and have more shows maybe- )

i just .... and just like how i cant enjoy botw anymore after them fucking it all up with totk ... i dont know if i will rewatch arcane knowing it ends like that, what was that for, the most beautiful show ever made just to do a game of thrones ending in a single episode?

im so tired of it all ..... im so tired of being disappointed and feeling let down over and over no matter with how little expectations i go in with

this willl be the only arcane rant unless theres some .. big stupid reveal that gets me more frustrated than i am now, which i hope there isnt .. im tired of being and feeling like this .. i just want to enjoy things, everythings going to shit IRL and i cant even find something enjoyable to watch

[frogboyandzombieface]

guess WHAT tilly the big brain asks are BACK.

okay so vol 2 was bullshit but I think there's a reason for it. we saw tons of bts and leaks that were never in the season (such as the scene with mike in that weird brown jacket) and I think they filmed too much and had to shove it into s5. the story isn't over yet and there has to be some reason for mike's odd behavior other than he's just a dick. If byler got together in s5 honestly it wouldn't feel rushed- it would feel the exact opposite, it's been built up since season 1, having it slightly delayed would make sense given the missing scenes, and the theory that a lot of parts got mushed into s5. Mike's monologue was bullshit so either byler is endgame or were being queerbaited like hell, and I think byler is endgame. there is absolutely zero explanation for why Mike couldn't hug Will at the airport, ignored him at the roller rink, only to have very emotional scenes with him later on. Vol 2 was still total fuckery but there is something Very Suspicious going on with the missing scenes and stuff.

yEAH holy shit dude declan ur so right. like idk, it feels like too much was spoiled and then they felt like they couldnt do it anymore in volume two, now that everyone knew about it - and decided to leave it for season 5, because people wouldnt think that theyd do it after it seems like they tricked us into thinking x and x happened ya know?? and yeah byler cant just like. not happen its been going on since the beginning ya know ??? but i will say like they did fuck it up a bit in vol 2 i dont like the way they handled that. but hey i have faith for season 5 us delusional bylers get hit and we just get right back up again <3333 THANK U for the ask tho !!! i missed these :)))) and abt mikes character fr !! he's so ooc from season 3 onwards, there has to be a reason for why theyd fuck up his character THAT badly. like he's not the same mike, and theyve kept the other characters relatively similar to their roots. why is he so different ?? i guess we'll just have to see...

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Tma season 2 notes baybeee

I made myself take several breaks so I could give my frie d who is listening to it at the same time as me a chance to catch up. Honestly just posting them so I have them saved somewhere but whatever.

ep 41: real graham wrote keep watching before he was replaced. Jon feels like he's being watched. But they werent replaced by things related to the eye. It's the web that's on the box that replaces them. Endless hallways and doors to nowhere. I bet nicholas will have ideas what entity this relates to. If it even does. They're like the tunnels in the one with the builder guy. Tunnels closing in etc. Also like the cave diving one. He's assuming it's just one

ep 42: so 100 gecs? (IM SORRY I LIKE 100 GECS BUT LMAO) so there's some entity related to music right? There's the piper episode and the 27 w/ the calliope. Ah yes, this season is gonna be the season of Paranoid!Jon

ep 43: section 31? fucking books. god no. smashed lights? cult lady did that. covered the lights too. she mentioned a spooky clown doll. thats not random.

ep 44: is this that same circus that got mentioned before? it is! the pipe organ! pop off organ! pipe off! mouth on the stomach! yes! mouths in unusual places my beloved!

ep 45: antiques! like that one ep!

ep 46: every time books get mentioned i sigh. hhh sus smells. it got brighter. I get the vibes occasionally that the dark and the eye are sorta at odds with eachother. GRRR BARK BARK LEITNER. ayyy ex altiora. entity go brr. which entity do we thing it is? my guess is The Dark. The book buyer's name is Mike. He has scars? Electricity? The childhood friend of the guy who got it later on perhaps? The Vast? its formatted like an entity idk. This happened before the other one. He got trapped in the wood carving. a win for the web lol spiders go brr

ep 47: did i hear spiral? ITS THE NOT THING FROM THE EPISODE WITH NOT GRAHAM "it didnt move, it shifted" is like the exact same sentence as before. ay john's starting to remember. the laughing woah thats weird. is "michael" one of the entities? "you make it seem like theres a war" supports my theory that theres a struggle between a couple of the entities. I said i thought it was the eye and the dark i believe but im not sure. its whatever entity michael is vs the worms? what did nicholas say the worms were again? The Corruption? still dont know which one michael is tho.

Had to take a break after that episode. smth about the quality of michael's voice makes me feel like im gonna slip into one of those states where it feels like nothing is real, so i got a nice cold glass of water.

ep 48: jesus ok this one's kidna corny. you're telling me love made the crowd go away come on now. Ur losing it big J. also shouldnt it be more sus that "sasha" is so unaffected by the worm incident/ finding of gertrude's body

ep 49: haven't we heard hector's name before? oh is he the crime guy? fucking jared... so it's a throat? chompa chompa. (it's just a little bit hot) the good part about these episodes is that we know whoever's telling the story isn't gonna die. even if it's a close call, they're not dead. hotworth? ok not jared keay. it bothers me how theres so many repeated names, can they not come up with other names? "sasha"'s computer is breaking... sus. Elias our favorite weed man! jon ur so paranoid lmao

ep 50: robert smirk, at it again. this is like that one episode with the old dude who locked his door. who said idle beforehand? was it smirk? fingertips. thats so weird lmao. bahahah tim

ep 51: simon fairchild. im sure jon will mention the name at the end i cant remember where we've heard it. this is just like the cavediving episode. a hand? there was a hand in the last one right? the scalpel! and an eye thing. she's trying to throw them off.

ep 52: thats the guy from before! with the hearts! god i hate this guy writing the statement hh. lights blowing, and brackish water. we know how this ends but its still tense. rainer? reigner? rain man. we've seen him before

ep 53: pls not a leitner. oh boy mans scratched out his eyes. rip skelly. why would gertrude have had this statement off the books? jon stabbed himself?? bruh im? big man are you okay

ep 54: cockney boys! ayy its our favorite delivery men. she cut out their eyes. she knew that the eye was a thing?

ep 55: oily residue like the retirement home!

ep 56: worms? no. spiders?? bruhh. aaah yelling :(( aww martin anyways yeah i called it about paranoid!jon he needs to take a nap and drink some hot chocolate and calm down for once please

ep 57: just remembered, i think theres an entity called The Lonely?? This feels pretty lonely idk. fairchild, lukas/ lucas, some spooky place in norway idk. "sasha" knew he was recordinig hmm suspicious cmon jon figure it out. Sasha and tom. hm sus. for records sake i feel liek i should note here that I did have it spoiled to me simply that that's not sasha, but thats really all. i assumed it was like the thing that happened to graham in S1

ep 58: i feel like i recognize the name eustice (?) wick. someone please tell me im not just watching jon's descent into madness over the course of this podcast. im hoping it isnt so but, (and pardon the dsmp reference) im getting real wilbur vibes from this one.

ep 59: oh dear ok account from the fielding house. swirling designs? Spiral time? oh boyy. oh wait! 6 inch hole in the middle! is it not a spiderweb type design on the table? thats what i had assumed but that description sounds more like a spiral thing. cobwebs is a Web thing. ayy nicholas was right! the box goes in the table! the place that she kissed him was burning. Raymond is an avatar of The Web and agnes is the burning one. Lightless Flame! Why did she save him? i guess she was against this guy eating ppl or wtvr but why was she at the halfway house then? I think she's like michael.

ep 60: the eye go brr

ep 61: breacon and hope once again. tom. sasha's boyfriend. vampires sleep in coffins. the guy just walking in seems similar to the mind control of the vampires

ep 62: bones! its that one leitner. is this mother keay? the mom of gerard? this is what happened to her right? her skin was found on hooks? oh yeah thats what i thought the pages are made of skin. yeesh. The End!! sounds like an entity. phrased like one, and i think i remember it. are the people trapped in the pages? or... kept?

ep 63: eaten by the darkness! cavediving episode! (just like eaten by the sky) did my brain make up one called The Vast? it feels like it should be one, and all these episodes have some similar description about their feelings when they do whatever chosen hobby they have. ok now this one kinda feels like the dark. lights going out and all that. ok so not really a The Vast thing, its more of a Dark thing. feckin smirk gah.

ep 64: dice! the death guy! the death game thing! the person tricked somebody else into becoming death and then they were immortal? but if the egyptians wanted to kill him or punish him or whatever couldnt they just kill him? it worked in the end when he had the person giving the statement stab him, that did the job and actually killed him

ep 65: finally jon is actually acknowledging something is wrong.

So we know Mary Keay was revived most likely with the book by gerard.

Gertrude was way more aware of the entities than Jon. mary keay referenced The End openly and she cut the eyes out of her magazines and all that which makes me think she was aware of The Eye

ep 66: please not buried alive pleeaase not buried alive. lukas of the tundra? didnt we hear the name lukas before? she wanted it to be difficult to find important files because that way bad people couldnt find them?

ep 67: agnes... the girl in the hilltop house? agnes poppin off!! he's really not gonna question how she knew where he lived?? oh no D: the tree. were they the ones working on the house? aww they kissi- OH DEAR. why did she kiss him? it seemed like she cared about him? also she could kiss that other dude on the cheek and he was fine, but maybe it was cuz she was younger? lightless flame go brrrrr.

ep 68: oh god books. yup its bitchboy leitner. mans said "this seems supernatural, its a werd book!" bruuh.

ep 69: heh nice. aw cmon jon listen to martin. gahhh spiders. is that the class we heard about in the other doctor one with the teeth apple? some kind of psych class? oh dear. fucking spiders. aaaah. web do be goin brr. it's like the girl in the homeless shelter! who made the guy leave and she took his bed.

ep 70: is this gonna be the book that mary keay had? Most likely a leitner no matter what. Oh boy latin. Why did it start in latin then become old English? I'm guessing people put them in the book? He cant burn it. Phrophecies go brr. He says eh it's a decade in the future it's fine. Its gonna have changed. Ayy called it. Just accept it, it's a magic book. His death is getting closer. Leitner didnt make them but just collected them? Gertrude burned the book! She burned them down there so no one would know.

ep 71: oh boy tunnels. Our favorite thing /s. is The Buried a thing? Idk this seems pretty buried. Oh dear he's trapped here isnt he. "Not enough space to move, never enough to breathe" is that from the computer episode? With the guy who uploaded his consciousness? Somebody living down there. Hmmmm. Guesses: tom, sasha's boyfriend. Gertrude herself? (Though I doubt it)

ep 72: sweeney todd moment. Meat. The slaughter? Idk we'll see what the supernatural part is. Meat is meat. Similar to the slaughterhouse episode. Is it fucking Jared I swear to God it better not be. Hooligan teenagers, you know how it is. Meat is me lmao. Is the kid gonna be in the freezer. Ok that's good. OWW. Oddly textured candles. Made from people? Human fat or smth? Tom from the meat processing plant!

ep 73: outer bay shipping. Bet it's a subset of breacon and hope delivery. The Dark go brrr. Uh oh mans is gonna die. Leo or whatever. Cult ppl go brr. The people's church of the divine host. Who is the divine host? Is it reigner or whatever his name is? I dont think Jon can quit tbh. Probably an anonymous tip but from who?? One of the entities?

ep 74: fucking teeth hhh. I dont know which entity is related to teeth. Spiral. Isnt the spiral an entity. It feels like it could be related to many things idk. Yeah this sounds like the spiral. Heart attack at 29? Jesus... michael! That's kinda what I was thinking. Sasha goin in the tunnels. Hmm sus. They move the floor. Wack. Bet its tom.

ep 75: Man with a lightning scar. Has one of the leitner books. The childhood friend of the one who first introduced us to leitner. Oh my god that sounds terrifying. Michael crew.

ep 76: scalpel? Hmm spooky. NotSasha... think jon think.

ep 77: another double! NotThem, The Stranger. Not related to the table?

ep 78: what was that at the beginning? Question mark?? Oh boy more NotThem. Decker... what is the deal with the table. Does it contain the creature? Fucking Michael. Bitchboi himself.

ep 79: yes pop off martin. Ugh fucking Michael just leave man. I hate that dude. New person. Hmm. No idea who it is.

ep 80: shitener himself! Ok sir tell us the entities. Ayy The Spiral. Ok we know what that one is. The Eye is the beholding! Oooh. The Stranger. Did elias just kill leitner? Popping off honestly.

[estellestarlightevergarden]

Playing With Fire

Title: Playing With Fire Part 2

Pairing: Luka Couffaine x Fem! Reader

Fandom: Miraculous: Tales of LB and CN

Genre: Angst and Fluff

Series: Part 1

Masterlist

Notes: There might be mentions from season 3 and maybe x Adrien!? Platonically Speaking.

Summmary:

Reader tells Luka she wants a break. Luka accepts but soon realizes that reader is the one he loves after playing Marinette his song. But is it too late?

Notes: THIS IS PART TWO OF THE SERIES!

----

Soon after the arguements there were no more excited exchanges but awkward moments between the two teens.

Their relationship still holding strong. The young female felt her heart belonged to Luka.

Followed him silently.

Not as many smiles.

No hugs only waves.

Those days of tension had began to aggravate the band mates of Kitty Section.

They knew they couldnt intervene or things would get ugly so they all remained quiet.

--

"Hey! Luka! Alya! Adrien! Everyone! I'm here!" Marinette grinned shouting towards the boathouse parked. Her smile brightening the atmosphere.

Her cheery attitude.

The way she was always able to smile.

Her beautiful face.

Everything about her seemed so.

Perfect.

To Luka that was what it seemed.

The girl that was hoping that she had held his heart felt her heart break at the sight of her beloved smile at another.

It pained her.

Y/n could only flinch whenever she was near or snuck towards the back of the steering wheel of the boat to sit quietly.

This is what she had always done as the weeks had gone by.

Looks of sympathy were thrown her way.

Adrien stuck closer to her.

Her boyfriend and Marinette had gotten closer.

.

Soon she had decided this was more than enough to be proven that Luka had thrown away the feelings for her.

She smiled sadly knowing what she had to do.

She sighed getting up from her spot and shuffled her way towards her beloved.

Her palms sweating as she kept a sweet smile.

The ones he had loved.

Her hand reached out to tap him on the shoulder as he was conversing with a certain blue eyed female.

It was now or never.

-----

I tapped the blue haired males shoulder. He continued with his conversation with the bluenette.

I mentally sighed at his love sickness for her.

I cleared my throat causing them both to jump. I sighed.

"Luka Can I talk to you? Alone?"

He nodded and we walked towards the park. My hands had started to sweat.

It was time.

"Luka.. I know we havent talked in awhile but Do you still love me?"

I had stopped walking. I smiles through my tears. He had stopped in his tracks a few steps away from me.

"Y/n.. I"-

"I knew it.."

"Are y"-

"I'm fine.. I promise just go be with her Alright? It won't hurt me as long as you follow your heart I know you'll make the right choices for yourself okay?"

"Gosh.. I'm so-"

"No dont ever apologize for your emotions it's okay really! I promise! Now go be with her okay?" I smiled tears streaming down my face.

His blue eyes filled with concern but, were soon replaced with pure joy.

"Thank you.." he whispered hugging me for the last time.

-----

While this breakup had occurred in the small park.

Up on the rooftop were the two heroes watching the scene unfold.

"I hope things are worked out between them!" Chat Noir sobbed.

Ladybug had rolled her eyes and hit him upside the head.

"Kitty! I think an akuma will appear soon.." She gasped watching the depressing scene unfold.

This had caused him to stop laughing.

---

I watched as he ran out of my arms and towards his new lover.

I wiped my tears and fell to my knees.

This had really happened.

It was over

In just

A few words.

Suddenly I heard my name being shouted. I look up and see Marinette.

Why is she here?

I wiped my tears looking at the bluenette. She panted and gave me a pained smile.

"Y/n? Are yo-"-

I cut her off with a glare. She jumped at my sudden look of rage.

I took a breath and looked at her with a smile.

"Look Marinette I get it You Like Luka and He Likes you now if you'll excuse me I'd like to be alone.." I mumbled getting up and walking away.

"Hey! Y/n! You okay?" I heard a voice call out. It was Adrien. He looked at me with worry.

I looked up at him with a smile but then frowned my eyes turning glassy.

"No everything's not okay! I loved my boyfriend but then he left me for another girl... I loved him with all my heart I just cant be myself anymore.. I cant do it anymore adrien.." I sobbed in not my own hands.

I felt hands wrap around my shoulders. Rubbing my back soothingly.

.

"Hey.. Luka is blind for letting you go like that.. honestly.. you can be yourself around me okay? It doesnt matter to me but please be your amazing sweet self okay?" He whispered.

..

[byuncock]

Time

Baekhyun x You

angst, fluff(?)

2.1k words & Not Edited

—

2 years. It took two years for you to finally move on. Finally, mature. Finally, be ready. Although it doesnt seem like a long time it sure felt like it.

You dont know how Baekhyun is holding up, but you dont care. All you care about now is that you are finally content. Happy should be the next goal, but the fact that you finally moved on and can face the tragic past means the world.

There would be times where memories of Baekhyun with women and your very last phone call with him would haunt your mind. Your heart still slightly ache at the memory, but it’s normal. People reminisce things all the time whether it’s good or bad. Feeling this is and should be normal.

It was a tuesday. The sun is shining, birds are chirping, and flowers are blooming. A very beautiful day it is. And to match that, your mood was uplifting.

Since you couldnt let this day go to waste going out and having some me time wouldnt hurt. It’s been a long while since you actually went out for fun and not just for errands or groceries.

Your friends would try to drag you, but they cant force you. Their efforts remain useless, but they end up spending time with you at your place anyways.

After freshening up you put on a casual, but nice outfit. Off to fun you go. Before heading to your actual destination you stopped by your favorite bubble tea cafe that you haven’t visited ever since the break up.

As you enter you take in your surroundings. The place didnt change much but they did revamp it to match the seasons. There were cute cherry blossoms adorning the place here and there. Cute stuffed animals holding a bubble tea plushie. So cute, you chuckled to yourself.

Heading to the cashier before even getting to say your order the cute girl smiled brightly at you, “We got your order so please take a seat and it’ll be right out!”

Tilting your head in confusion you let out an awkward chuckle, “but i haven’t ordered yet” you smiled politely.

“Oh right! There was a nice man in front of you who told us he was ordering for you and paid it” she smiled, her eyesmile showing.

You quickly scan the place to find a familiar face then turned back to the cashier. “Do you happen to know how he looks like?”. The girl nods and points over to the table in the corner of the cafe. Following her hand you take a look.

His back was facing you. He’s wearing a puffy gray jacket off the shoulder of his white top, some jeans, and a black cap. Still confused you turned back to the cashier and thanked her.

You contemplated going over to the mysterious person. Not sure if you should thank them for buying your drink or not associate with them at all just incase they were a creep. Shrugging it off that it was going to be creep you made it over to the person.

Putting on a small smile as you approached. He seems to be busy tapping away on his phone to notice you until he heard someone slipping into the seat across from him. Looking up his eyes widen.

Your smile falters a bit. Although he is wearing a cap and a mask you could instantly tell from those brown orbs who they belong to. The broad shoulder from when you examined his back earlier should of told you who it was but you ignored.

The two of you sitting across from each other speechless while staring straight into each other’s eyes. No words were exchanged, but the tension was there.

The both of you could of sat there staring for the rest of the day until one of the workers brought your drinks over. Small mumbles of thank you were heard.

Now that you have your drink you should thank him and leave. “I came by to say thank you for the drink” you gave a slight nod and got up to leave.

Before you could even take a step from your seat he reached out, “Wait” he says a bit too loudly with one of his arms stretched out to hold onto your arm.

You stared at him, waiting for him to continue only to have him stare at your face. Questioning him by giving him a look. His eyes moved to the arch of your brow and remembered why he told you to wait.

He calls your name out before continuing, “Ho-how have you been?” he tries to make small talk. Fidgeting in his seat from your intimidating aura. How could two years possibly be enough to change someone? he thought. He must admit he did change for the better, matured a lot and that could be verified by his members, but his heart still longed for you.

Licking your lips you sat back down. “Honestly, it wasnt the best two years of my life, but i eventually got better and now i am better than before” you give a smile.

The smile that doesnt fail to have his heart skip a beat. And to think he had the guts to even cheat on you. A fucking moron he is. “That’s great” he let out a breath he didnt even know he held.

“I just… i just wanted to let you know that i am still so sorry for what happened and what i did to you when we were together… I never once stopped loving you” he starts off. Feeling tears starting to come up to his eyes. He swallows the ball in his throat that is keeping him from talking and lets out an exhale to calm down. “I spent the last two years regretting my actions that fucked everything up and bettering myself. To be a better person for you so that once we meet again if you were to give me any type of chance i will prove it to you that i have matured. I will not handle my loneliness and longing for you for when i am not near you by being with another woman, but instead talking it out, making sure that you are the only woman i will be with the rest of my life. And that i will prove to you everyday until the very end that i love you and only you.” he confesses. Tears were making its way down his cheeks as he sniffed. Wiping his cheek as he looked at you with hopeful eyes.

Overwhelmed was an understatement. You were taking it in. You were slowly taking in everything he had just said, but you couldnt help but notice how when the tears rolled down his cheeks, they were no longer mochi. As you scan him you see how much he has suffered. You’d be lying if you said you didnt feel a tiny bit satisfied that he was finally suffering and it wasnt just you. but pushing the pettiness aside. You didnt even realize you were crying until your nose was clogged up, making you sniff.

The ache in your heart slowly coming out, though it’s faint it’s still there. Your mind was reeling for the perfect words to say. Baekhyun patiently waited for you to speak as he wiped his tears that slowly kept falling down and drank some of his drink to calm himself down.

Only when he saw you open your mouth to speak he stopped drinking and listened. “I dont know what to say truly… but i’ll start off by saying thank you. I accept your apology and forgive you, but i dont know if i am willing to give you a chance” you sighed. His face falters a bit, his eyes casting down to his cup. You continued, “You know we were friends before we were lovers right?” He looks up at you and gives you a nod. “Breaking my trust and heart as a lover ultimately means breaking my trust and heart as a friend too. Even if i were to give you a chance… being friends might be the only option” you say.

Understanding he nods, although the look of disappointment is showing, he sits up straighter now with a determined look, “Like i said. Any type of chance you give me i will prove it to you that not only have i matured, but my love for you never faded. Even though we wont be getting back together I will still express my love for you. Making sure you are loved and can feel my love for you even as friends. I am willing to take my chances if this is the only chance i get”.

You know for a fact that Baekhyun means it when he has that determined face. He didnt wear a fearless bracelets for years for no reason. Baekhyun is adamant to accept failure and thats one of the perks as to why you loved him and still love him. But he doesnt need to know that.

At least not yet.

“Being friends again would be a good start” you say thinking a little. “If you really want to be with me again you need to do more than just show your love. You need to earn everything back. Only then will i let you know if we are able to start again.” you say softly. Although you still love him, the way he hurt you in the past is forever remaining in your heart. Having him earn the trust and love back will soothe the pain of the memory, but not erase it. “I am warning you though. If you really want to be with me then it will take a long time until i accept you and let you in again.” you let out softly.

He hesitantly reached out to hold your hand, intertwining it. Looking straight into your eyes with love as the determination in his face has yet to leave, “I will do my best and will keep trying even after i already earned back your love and trust” he says while tightening his hold on you. “Even if it will take a long time for us to be together again. My love for you will never end.”

Now that some weight has been lifted off your shoulder, you lowkey is excited for the wild ride Baekhyun is taking you on again. This time hoping and praying he wont mess up again.

Giving him a big smile you havent given in awhile. You stood up. Grabbing your drink, you made your way out the cafe. Baekhyun was shocked by what just happened. One minute you guys were just making up and the next you acted as if you came here to order your drink then leave once you got it. Not letting himself freeze up he quickly slipped his mask back on and grabbed his drink to follow you.

You didnt walk far, letting baekhyun catch up. “So, what are you doing today?” he asks casually, like a friend would. Not like he just didnt confess earlier and is willing to pay the price for his dumbness.

Arching a brow as you look over at him. Seeing movement in his peripheral he turned to you only for you to turn back to face the front as you let out a chuckle. “Having some me time at the mall”.

“Cool! I was thinking of shopping today too. Maybe i can join?” he says while eyeing you. Still following you to what seems like your parking spot to head to your car. “I guess” you say nonchalantly.

Excited he hops into the passenger seat once you unlocked the car. “Oh guess what” he exclaimed once you got in. As you finally took a sip from your drink you realize that he ordered your favorite. Even after two years he still remembers, you smile at the thought. Forgetting Baekhyun is in the car until he continued talking, “I finally got my license” he smiles brightly while looking at you for a reaction.

Giving him a pat on his shoulder as you start the car, “Congrats, Baek. I should of made you drive instead” you joke. Baekhyun’s heart feeling at ease at how fast things are going, but not getting too comfortable since things are still fresh.

“I should of. So i can show off my car too you,” he playfully jokes back after he letting out a thank you, you began the silent car ride to the mall.

—

author’s note: it is currently 5am. i can not sleep. ive had this in my notes since baekhyun’s birthday. i also want to start writing again, but we’ll see.. anyways i hope you guys enjoyed it! i wrote this for myself honestly because i would read a baekhyun angst fic and get rly sad if it was a sad ending so i wrote this to come back to. this is mainly for ache by byunnings on tumblr (if yall havent read it, go read it!!) bc man that angst killed me and i just couldnt lmao. welp, good night!!

~admin B xD

[smthgavengersassemble]

Spoiler for the last episodes!

Right, here’s my post about the midseason finale, about Steve’s death, Tony’s lack of reaction, and the possible T’Challa arc. (Usual disclaimer of ‘ESL person is writing, sorry for all the grammar mistakes.)

I’ll copy/past what I already said about Steve’s death and why it may not stick:

There’s no body, after all, and Shuri is still searching what other powers the crown has. And it’s weird (unless it’s deliberate) to kill him the same way he was ‘killed’ in the pilot, where it brought the team together. I guess in some way, it did it again, but against T’Challa.

Beside Tony, the reaction of the team at ‘T’Challa killed Steve’ makes sense. The act himself doesn’t, so Kamala wants to know more. Clint, who’s already pissed off at T’Challa for losing someone else (for Wakanda) has no reason to doubt Natasha. No-one has a reason to doubt Natasha, so Carol’s anger makes sense. Just like Thor, who already acted like that when he lost Tony.

Tony being all ‘buddy?’ is just weird. He barely get angry at the end, and it doesn’t even last.

But he was angry in the first part. When he found out about the weapon and the team of bad guys. And Steve asked him to trust him when he said T’Challa couldn’t explain.

Steve: I trust Black Panther with my life.

Tony: That makes one of us.

The ‘buddy’ thing was already gone. Tony didn’t push for more for Steve, not for T’Challa. So maybe he’s like Kamala, it just doesn’t make sense, and Steve wouldn’t trust the wrong person. Maybe he’s thinking the crown is mind-controlling T’Challa. Maybe he’s doing what he thinks Steve would do. Or maybe he’s not letting himself feel anything for now. On the other hand, Steve didn’t react much at Tony’s death either, and we remember the reunion.

Now, everything blew up because Nat lied. And I’m 99 % sure it’s because she’s Zanda. (Clint and Nat got separated when they went after her as a bird, he came back alone, and she show up later with her bike. That’s why Clint react to the ‘move, you idiots’ line.)

I really hope they won’t go ‘aw, sorry T’Challa, we should have listen to you’ when they find out, because he broke their trust all by himself. But I think his arc is to realize that.

Explanation under the read more, because it get longer.

For a big part of the season, T’Challa was running and fighting, mostly alone, with five minutes of plot. It got old fast. His scenes with Shuri, Steve or Hunter were more interesting. The other seasons are full of the Avengers together doing various, mundane things.

But this isolation of T’Challa became a plot point, and not lazy writing. He’s alone, and does things alone, and decides alone, because he’s the king, and the only one who can take all the big and little decisions for Wakanda, and the one responsible of the consequences.

Even Shuri was included in those who don’t get it and don’t get to decide when he ranted about it.

And this, his vision of alone vs the world, took a bigger form in the finale, and end up badly, even if the world didn’t explode.

So why I think the next episodes will show that his philosophy is wrong, and he should talk to people, instead of giving orders:

1) Shuri’s reaction shot during the rant. It was quick and ignored so far. But she doesn’t deserve to be on the same level as Zemo, Hunter, Steve or the Dora Milaje. She’s the princess, and her responsibilities are also high. Which is a fight they actually had, more than once.

She apologized to Carol when she knocked her out, and she wasn’t happy about the weapon for Thor, or that he used the ‘two way trust’ line regarding the jet in the Avenger Tower.  Also, there are more than one scene where someone takes T’Challa’s arm to make him listen, he glares to them, and they take off their hand. When Shuri did it, he glared to her, but she just glared back. If someone can make him notice he’s wrong, it’s her.

2) The way he kept repeating he did nothing wrong, it’s all their fault, and trust goes both way, and why you don’t even listen to your ‘buddy’? When he’s the reason he lost them by doing all that:

- Going to Altantis and create a diplomatic mess, mess which end up being Tony’s problem.

- Using Kamala to get close to the Inhumans. He had a guilty look for a second, and called her a friend at the end, but never admit doing something wrong.

- Not sharing information with Clint and making Steve chose between them, losing Whitney Frost and breaking the links between Steve and his team. T’Challa admit that, but doesn’t change anything.

- When the Avengers joined the fight, they weren’t careful about the crown, because they didn’t know it was a weapon, they assumed it was just expensive and not the priority.

- They weren’t warned about the shape-shifter, so Clint and Nat weren’t ready for that and lost her. (Leading to Nat’s capture. Hopefully, not her death.)

- T’Challa, who mocked the idea of Tony being his ‘buddy’ until he found out the corporate espionage Wakanda was doing was mutual, is offended when Tony doesn’t want to listen to him over Nat’s word. Like if he wouldn’t believe Shuri’s word over Tony if she told him he killed Hunter.

- He created a secret elevator in the Avenger Tower, had his own system installed to take over, and hid a jet in the trophy room! It’s not something done recently. And when Tony point the lack of trust it reveals, T’Challa complains it goes both way, like if they already did something to deserve it.

3) And finally, this line to Tony: Some things are more important than friendship. You should know that.

Maybe he’s pointing the sacrifice a leader must make. Maybe he’s honestly feeling like Tony did break their friendship. Or maybe it’s a reminder of how Tony used to be. That’s how he dealt with Arsenal/Ultron, hiding important information, putting the Avengers in danger, expecting them to do as he say and trust him blindly. And it also cost him Steve.

TPTB said Black Panther’s Quest was about T’Challa searching his place between being an Avenger or the King of Wakanda. The first part was him choosing King and rejecting the Avengers, except the one who tried to mix the two jobs, and he ended up losing all his friends and closing Wakanda again. Maybe the second part will be how he doesn’t have to chose, but need to find a balance between them.

[werewolfmagic]

So, here's my playlist of my life as it has been so far. I may update it, but this is what every song on it means to me as of what was on it 30 June 2020.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9_zyjXfClT3ymeEbJNz-a3oWHgs_isWM

1. Lalasweet- So, this first area of the playlist is themed to be my foreign songs. This first one I first heard in college at Radford University. I spent a lot of my time in college walking around listening to music. This one means a lot to me because I can still feel myself walking around campus when I hear it. I see myself very clearly walking in front of the gym, heading to my sociology class in the morning with my fruity tea from Starbucks. I felt so calm back then, the pain from high school just evaporated as I listened to this song.

2. PEEP SHOW- So, this song took a lot of effort for me to find after I first heard it in college. It was written in characters and I couldnt for the life of me get it translated so I could find it on YouTube. But hey, here it is. I sang this song and the previous song to myself a lot as I walked around campus. The same image appears in my head whenever I listen to it.

3. Crossing Field- This one is a trip for me. So, Sword Art Online was my first anime way back when in high school. This is the first opening song to it. This song also got me into listening to japanese music! Sword Art still holds a special place in my heart. I actually read nearly all the books that have been published, and I've seen so much of it. Another sword art song is actually later in the playlist, and it captures more of how the anime makes me feel. This song and this anime mean so much to me. A lot of good came from anime for me.

4. Kakumei Dualism- I've never seen what this is from. But, in high school while I had to wait on my dad to pick me up, this was the first song I learned how to sing in Japanese. So, I couldnt ride the bus because people were dicks to me. I wouldnt get a seat, people would push me around and generally be assholes. So I waited in the lobby for my dad to pick me up after work every day. He got off around 5 usually, and school ended around 3:30, so I had time to kill. This song got me into trying to learn Japanese and learning how to sing!

5. Bye Bye Yesterday- Ahhhh this anime omg! The ending made me cry so hard I would highly recommend watching it. I used to listen to all of the songs from it on my way to therapy in college, so I learned how to sing this as I walked the 1 and a half mile walk I believe it was once every week after I got out of the hospital. This song and this anime give me so many good feelings and good memories.

6.Masayume Chasing- Again, great Japanese song from an amazing anime I love! I listened to this in my room a lot after my dad picked me up. I remember crying a lot while this song was on, I felt so isolated and alone. This song was beautiful to me though, and it got me into listening to BoA. I spent so many hours listening to her music in high school and college!

7. RE:make- This band was just epic to listen to. I forgot I ever found them, I just remember like jamming out to their music once I found them, and when I lost spotify premium, I sorta stopped listening to a great band.

8. Bloody Mary: I got into two bands because if Noragami. Helli Sleepwalkers was one. I used to sing Bloody Mary so often I still think I have it memorized. I sang it to myself in high school and in college, it's practically a mantra now. More on Noragami in a bit.

9. Let me hear- This is from another anime, Parasyte. Great anime, but I honestly like the band more than the anime. Two of my closest friends in high school, Rachael and Maria, I showed this song to them. I still remember sitting in Rachael's room with them, showing them this song. More on both of them when we get to some association songs, there's a lot.

10.Wagakkiband- Great band, I discovered them in high school. I actually dont know what my favourite song by them is, I cant read kanji so I could never find it. I just cried a lot to their music in high school. I would turn it up so my dad couldn't hear my cry, and I would just sob for hours.

11. History Maker- I'm not sure why, but this has always been a hopeful more lovey song to me.

12. Everything- This song means a lot to me. I discovered this band through Noragami too, I loved that anime I read so much of the manga too because season 3 still isnt out. The oral cigarettes got me through a lot, and I mean a lot. I've always actually wanted someone to sing this song to. It's a love song, I've memorized it so I can sing with the song. I've always dreamed of one day singing this to someone who means everything to me. If you ever get the chance to translate it, this song defined how I viewed love for a while. I still hope one day i can sing this song to that special someone,I just hope I get the chance to.

13. Anohona- This is a real cry song for me. Whenever I felt worthless, i would listen to this. The anime is a real tearjerker too. The line "Something must be wrong with me" resonates with me to this day. People who love each other drifting apart, and blaming yourself for it. I cried to this song for countless hours, I really feel like it defined me for so long. I'm actually listening to it as I write this and I'm already crying because of it. It just always makes me feel like there truly is something wrong with me.

14. God knows- This is a song like Everything. I really want to sing this for someone who means the world to me one day, I've practiced it so much! I hope one day I get the opportunity to sing this to who I truly love. Honestly, this feels like a song for someone who is struggling. I wish i could sing it to my love when she truly needs it most. Because yeah, "I will follow you, no matter what we go through." If you listen to this song love, please know that I feel it could mean something to you too.

15. Catch the moment- this is the other sword art song. I got to watch the movie this came from with my dad. It's one of the last things we did together before we drifted apart when I came out. We went to a super fancy restaurant that night, i had vietnamese food for the first time, and i watched an amazing movie with my dad. I really treasure that memory, and I always will. More on my dad later on.

16. Bebe- Time to change themes. These songs relate to my music career in highschool. I was in marching band, jazz band, and concert band. I played Alto Sax. I always worked towards playing this song. I got the Jimmy Dorsey Sax guide as a Christmas gift from my aunt. And I used it to get better. I never could make it to this level though. I always worked towards it but I fell short. My best in this song was the first few lines of music with no mistakes.

17. String of Pearls- My sophomore year in high school, I played the sax solo from this. It's the performance I'm most proud of. It took a lot of effort, and I fucked up when I finally did it, but I'm really proud of myself for accomplishing what I did. It made me really happy to get to do this solo.

18. Law and Order- I learned to play this on sax too! I actually wanted to perform it in concert, but I was never allowed to. This show means a lot to me. Growing up, I used to sit with my dad and watch it with him. This was way back in elementary school when we did this, and I have a lot of fond memories of watching this show with him and talking with him. It felt like we never really spent enough time together.

19. Pink Panther- I would say this song is what I'm most proud of learning on my own. I never performed it, but I did show off with it during jazz band. I was so proud of myself when I managed to growl with the song! I feel like I really nailed the style of this song.

20. Your latest trick- This is another solo I'm really proud of teaching myself! I never played it, but damnnnn I fuckin nailed it when I played it.

21. Deacon Blues- I would always suggest this song to my band director for us to play in concert. We never did do it though. I love the solo, and I spent so many hours learning how to play this song and just vibing listening to it.

22. Zoor Suit Riot- This is the song I listened to a lot during band camp one year. Band camp was always an experience, I have a lot of stories from it, but this one hurt me, and this song I associate with that pain. My dog, Jake, he was an Autralian Shepherd. He was attacked by a pit bull. He died while I was at band camp. I knew he was sick before I left, and I wanted to stay with him, but my dad convinced me I should go because if I didnt I wouldnt have been in marching band that year. I regret going. I wish I spent my dog's last day with him. He was the best dog I ever had, I raised him. My family didnt even tell me he died until a month later, they just kept saying he was with my grandfather. I really miss my dog, and this is the song that reminds me I shouldve stayed home with him.

23. Centerfold- This is the song I associate with the good side of marching band! This was a stand tune we played during football games, and I really could like dance and jump around while playing it! It was a super fun experience!

24. Radioactive- Heres the bad side of band. My junior year, there was a solo in this song in marching band. We were allowed to audition for it. I tried so hard to get an audition with my band director. He kept saying to ask him tomorrow during pre camp. I said I could come in early, or I could stay late any day, but he kept blowing it off. He said I could do it first day of band camp. I asked when I got there, he said wait until tomorrow. The next day, he gave away the solo to his favourite person, and nobody even got to audition. He just chose his favourite. That really fucked with me. My senior year of highschool, the band director picked on me a lot too. There were so many problems in band, and he always blamed me. I was yelled at because I told the drum major we had to move because the susophones would run into a car if we didnt. I was yelled at for reporting drug use. I was going to kill myself because what was my life at that point was making me miserable. This is the first time i ever cut, this was the first time i wanted to die and i was going to act on it. Maria saved me, and i quit band. More on maria below. This song just reminds me of how fucked up the whole situation was.

25. Honeybee- This is the first of my people association songs! This one is for Maria, my sister. You aren't the first person I made a list of songs for and got one from love. Maria and I had the idea first. I felt it would help us get closer as sisters! This was when we were house sitting for rachael that we did this. The first time I didnt have nightmares was when we shared a bed and snuggled together. Honeybee was one of her songs. She saved me from band. She saved me from myself. She never really understood my depression, but she always helped. Shes also who I came out to first when I came out as trans. She helped me learn how to pass as a girl, and she accepted me for me. I've always loved talking to her, she'll always be one of the people I'm closest to. Shes family. Emily is too, that's my other sister. I dont have a song for Emily sadly, but she means the world to me too. Hell, if you want to know more about any of what I'm saying or more about these people, just ask me love and I'll tell you everything. You still have my number, and you can always message me on here.

26. Mona Lisa- This is my first of two for Rachael's songs. Rachael is the second person I came out to, and she helped me along with maria. I actually ran away from home on Christmas 3 years ago. My dad's girlfriend started yelling at me and I just ran away. I texted Rachael on Christmas Eve and she came and picked me up on the side of the road. I spent Christmas that year with her family and her. I spent next christmas there too. Rachael has always helped me through a lot. She also never really understood my depression, but shes always been a good friend.

27. Fox on the run- This is Rachael's other song. She used to pick me up every morning and take me to school. We would listen to music and chill together on the car ride, and this was one of the songs. I always treasured my time with her, and I often think back on those car rides.

28.Tattered Banners- This song is for Kris. I played dnd at a shop called Mishap Games while I was in high school. Kris was one of my friends there. One of the times I ran away, she got me. I spent the night at her apartment, and she introduced me to her dad, lastweektonight, and amon amarth. When I came out to her, we traded clothes. I gave her my old boy clothes cause she liked plaid, and she gave me the clothes that were too femme for her, and it's because of her I was able to dress the way I wanted to when I came out in high school. I'll always appreciate her for that.

29. Peace of Mind- These next 4 songs are associated with my dad. This one is a positive song. I would vibe with my dad and listen to his albums when we moved out. My mom cheated on my dad while I was in high school, and I chose to stay with him. He introduced me to so much rock music. Boston was one of my favourite bands of what he showed me. I still listen to them to this day and smile and think of the time I spent with my dad. It will always make me happy knowing he chose to spend so much time with me to make sure I was taking the divorce okay.

30. Paperback writer- my dad introduced me to the Beatles too. This song struck a chord with me because I wanna write books one day lmao. I love so many more of their songs too, i had a saxophone book of their music so i can actually play a lot of Beatles on sax too!

31. Pinball wizard- Yet another good memory with my dad. He got me hooked on music from the British invasion, so the who, the stones, the animals, the kinks, so many good bands he showed me! I love the time we spent together.

32. Cats in the cradle- Heres the negative of my relationship with my dad. I feel like he never really had time for me once he met deana and before the divorce. He spent more time with me when he and my mom split up,but then he just stopped. I really hope I didnt do anything wrong. Dad, if you ever read this, I'm sorry if me resembling my mom ever hurt or anything. I'll always love you dad, please pick up and call me back dad, please? I miss talking to you, I miss my dad. I know you're busy, but please? Just 5 minutes dad, please just call me if you ever see this I miss you. I love you dad. I learned a lot from you dad. I hope I'll make you proud of me, I hope I get to see you one last time before August 14th. It might be my last chance to see you. I love you dad, I hope you're proud of me.

33. Fireflies- This is my Gillian song. She fucked me up for years. She changed me. She wanted me to be her Ashe, and Ashe wasn't me. I didnt want to be Ashe but I loved Gillian. I let her change me as a person so that I could be good enough for her, but all she ever did was block me over and over, and unblock me and insult me. I dont know why I loved her so much but I did. She just tried to change me and I didnt want to change but I did for her. There's still a part of me that struggles to remember who I was before Gillian. I hate Ashe, I hope I never become Ashe ever ever again. I really never want to struggle like that again.

34. Imitation of Life- New theme! Let's talk about periods in my life. This was the song I listened to on an up. It gave me hope surprisingly. It taught me a lot about how to approach life. If you watch the video love, it keeps focusing on different scenes going on in a clusterfuck that is life. It just looks like a normal party at first, but there's so many little stories going on as the camera focuses on different parts. This song taught me theres a lot going on I cant see, and I should approach life assuming I dont know all the details. I need to focus on different parts, and then I'll see all the little things that make life beautiful.

35. Mr. Brightside- This is another up song for me! This song really helped me learn to smile and bear it. Like, this song helped me figure out how to smile again, and that if I smile more, life gets better and better the more I smile. It was just hard sometimes. I still struggle to smile, ya know love? You made me smile again though. You really helped me love!

36. Toxic- Fuck me sideways this song. I never have been in a good relationship, and this song kinda defines that. Everyone I've been with is toxic, and I shouldn't have loved them, but I did. I just was under their control. If any of the people that hurt me read this, I forgive you. You fucked me up, but I cant hold a grudge against anyone.

37. Monster- I truly believe I am a horrible person. A monster. I have never been able to do enough for anyone. I have never been able to make everyone happy. I have never been able to help everyone. I'm a disappointment. I'm a disaster who let's down her friends. I've never done enough for people and i can never go back and fix it. I can never save everyone. I can never help everyone. I wish i could help the world, but i feel incapable of doing that.

38. Kiri- This is another cry song. I spent hours in my room after school just with this blaring and crying my eyes out. I wished someone would save me. You have saved me though, love. You saved me from myself.

39. Bad Day- Lmao this song. Every time I had a shitty day I listened to this. I listened to this song every day for at least a year straight. Every day felt like a shitty day. Every single one. I just wanted to kill myself. I'm surprised I didnt. I still dont understand how I'm alive to this day. I dont know if I'll ever know how I kept going.

40. 11 minutes- This is one of the songs I associate with being ghosted. It feels like it always happened. I would make a friend, then a week later they just left me. I felt like I would always be alone. This was my college ghosting song. I made so many friends in classes, swapped numbers, then just nothing. I never heard from any of them ever again. I really felt worthless.

41. Telephone Line- My high school ghosting song. I had so many people promise me they would stay in touch. The only people from high school that talk to me are Maria and Rachael. Everyone else just doesnt care about me. And I get it. I'm worthless. It just hurts still. One person promised we would get together next summer, then when I texted her she ignored it, and posted not even a week later how happy she was to be back with everyone from high school.

42. In love with a killer- My first of 2 link songs. It's because of him I might go to jail, but more on that below. This song I associate with the abuse from him. He held me down, and cut his name into my back. He threw me on the floor and pissed on me and made me clean it with my tongue. He beat me. He stole my phone and texted people pretending to be me and made what few friends I had hate me. I lost everyone because of him. He just beat me and belittled me. He made me use my area even though I was uncomfortable. He made me give him head on his period, this he posted on his Facebook calling me a sissy. He only referred to me as his f*gg*t or his sissy or his fairy, he never let me have friends, and he cheated on me. He told me he only married me so he could own me. I fell for him though and I dont know why. He always said if I didnt mess up he wouldnt have to hit me and it made sense. If only I was better he wouldnt hit me.

43.Designed to Kill- my second link song. I tried to leave him once before we finally ended things. He had hickies on his neck. Since I tried to escape him, he said those hickies were strangle marks. I never hurt him. Hes a fucking bodybuilder and I cant open a pickle jar. I spent a week in jail and they put me with the men because of my area. Now I'm facing felony charges even though I didnt do anything to him. I was the one being beaten. If I go to jail, I'll be going to one where the guards dont patrol. I'll be killed. I'm so scared hes going to take my life from me.

44. Because of you- This is my rape song. When I was 5 or 6 (I cant remember what age) I was molested by a high school boy named Ryan. I never understood what he did to me and I still cant unpack it emotionally. When I went to college, I was raped in my ass with a toy by a trans guy, and I was raped by a nonbinary girl. When I went to the police, they called me the rapist since a penis cant be raped, it can only rape. Someone I was with threatened to post my nudes online. This song is about all of them, and about link too. This is the song I associate with all the pain I've felt because of it, and the fear I have whenever I walk anywhere alone.

45. Call me- this is my treatment song. When I was in college, I planned to kill myself on December 15th, at 3 am, exactly 3 hours after my birthday. I planned to jump out of the window of the 5th floor of muse hall on radford campus. I told my friend mary one day and she reported me to the police. I was put under EDO and sent to a residential home. There I met some really great friends I have since lost touch with. There was a Wii with just dance there,and this was the song we did most often when we played it. That treatment place was horrible. They held me for so long, promised one on one therapy sessions every day but we never got it, and I started the worst medication. It was supposed to help me with my eating disorder by giving me an appetite. Well, I never felt full. I ate until I puked because of it. But my friends helped me, and eventually I left. I'm not sure if that place really helped me or not, but the people did. After treatment, I spent a month at Rachael's house, then a month at Maria's, then I went back to school and moved dorms. It was after I went here I was raped.

46. Bo peep- fuck this animation just made me laugh. I love creepypasta so much, and the scp foundation. Seeing my fav creepypastas made me laugh so much when I needed it. I discovered this video and song and the next one while i was with link, and this made me smile at least for a bit.

47. Bad end- the other creepypasta song. This one actually inspired a book idea! I really hope I get the chance to finish it one day, but I'm not sure if I ever will. We'll see though, right love?

48. Intergalactic- This song I just really vibed with in college. Honestly this song and the next one are grouped together. I have a hard time thinking of why i like it or what it means to me, but it does mean something to me.

49. Echo- I love this band, they wrote my all time favourite song. This is just another song I felt needed to be on my playlist but there isnt any other reason for it.

50. Drake and Josh- omg this show. I grew up loving this show! It really helped define some of my childhood and listening to this song really makes me smile a lot!

51. Take a hint- Victorious was another of those shows for me. Honestly though I included this for another reason. So, you know I'm trans. This show sorta helped me realize it when I was growing up, but I never came out or rationalized it until I talked to maria my senior year of high school. Fuck, one time growing up I was on a fashion site looking at dresses because I really loved them and thought they were super pretty and I wanted them! My brother saw and told my parents I was looking at porn. I said I was because I was embarrassed I wanted to wear a dress. I remember in kindergarten being jealous of Jaycee for wearing this really pretty purple dress. I remember growing my hair out so maybe a girl would braid my hair randomly like they did to other girls. I remember playing dress up with Samantha in kindergarten and my grandmother walking in on it and I felt so embarrassed for enjoying it. I remember wishing I could he a Disney princess. I remember taking scissors to my area and wishing if I cut it off I would be a girl instead. I remember coming out to my sister and being so afraid she would hate me for it. I felt so ashamed for how I felt. I remember being bullied when I came out. I remember being cornered in the bathroom by a group of guys and they said they would make me inti a real girl. I remember screaming and fighting until a student came in and gave me the opportunity to run. I remember going to prom and leaving in tears as people were getting dared to kiss me. I remember being driven to therapy by my friend's husband. I remember him telling me I should go back to his place cause he knows what's tr*nn**s like me like. I remember being chased to my dorm from dnd one night. I remember everyone who's ever grabbed my ass or my chest. I remember being outed to so many people by a psycho old woman and I couldnt even go pee because of her. I wish life was easier, but so many people hate me because I'm a freak.

52. Cantina- New theme! This is how nerdy I am lmao. I've always loved stuff like star wars and dnd and star trek. Honestly this song hits weird. I remember watching the original trilogy with my dad and loving it. And my best friend, colton, could play this song on clarinet. He, Andrew, and I were really close. I kinda associate this song with them. Their mom died and colton walked in on her body. They moved away and I just felt so useless to them. I could never be there for them the way they needed me, I could never help them.

53. Doctor who- I LOVE THIS SHOW SO MUCHHHHHH. OMG I GREW UP SO MUCH WITH THIS SHOW. This was my escape in high school. I learned how to play the theme on sax too! I just always resonated with this show and it means so much to me.

54. Moonquest- This is my nerdy theme still, but now with youtubers. I've loved the yogscast all through college. Watching their videos really helped me after I was raped. It helped me take my mind off of things. This song really makes me smile to this day because of what the yogs did for me.

55. Diggy diggy hole- this song did the same for me what moonquest did, but this group is just so important to me. I love their content and they really did help me a lot. I got to escape through their videos.

56. All the way- I grew up watching jacksepticeye, he helped me get through highschool. My Irish accent is because of him too, I still like to try and do an impression. I loved growing up watching his stuff.

57. I'm back, baby-markiplier, omg markiplier. This was my first youtuber. I subbed to him I think when I was in 6th or 7th grade, and I didnt miss a video until I lost internet after I moved to the apartment with my dad. I still watch nearly all of his videos. Hes an escape that I really appreciate. He really helps me every day, and I really wish I could meet him so I could tell him his videos helped save me.

58. Fly like a butterfly- Markiplier also inspired me a lot. He made me believe in myself, and his message really makes me want to be the best I can be. I want to accomplish my dreams, and his videos made me feel like he believed in me. I really hope I can keep striving to be the best I can be. If you've never seen his videos love, I hella recommend them, same to his other channel unus annus.

59. Everybody wants to rule the world- NSP. Ninja Sex Party. Lmao this band. It's a rock comedy group. This song means a lot to me. It felt really inspirational when I heard it. NSP also has a really wholesome message behind them, and I believe in myself because of them too.

60. Party of 3- another amazing song by them. After I was raped, I really escaped into their music. And when I had a rough go of it in high school, I escaped to their music. They've always been a sort of relaxation band for me.

61. Baby, NYC- I actually got to see TWRP, Starbomb. And NSP perform in silver spring Maryland. It was one of the last things my dad and I did together, the other being watch thr sword art movie together. This band just means so much to me. I could've only used one song from them and gotten the same message across, but they're so important I felt like I needed more than one. I hope that makes sense love.

62. Smash- starbomb also means a lot to me. I remember the mornings my dad drove me to school I would listen to them on the way there with him. Their music was always really funny to me too, and I love the games they parodied.

63. Rivers in the desert- time for my nerdy videogame theme! Persona 5 royal is my favourite game of all time. The story is really moving, the characters are really well written (yusuke is bae), and it was just such a great experience to play. If you ever get the chance to play it love, I highly recommend it. Fuck I cried so much while playing it, it just means so much to me it's so good, in my opinion it's the perfect game for me.

64. Fairest one of all- This song I heard from SCGMD4! It's a rhythm game, and I've always wanted to show this song to someone I love.

65. Hollywise- this song is from Super Crazy Guitar Maniac Deluxe either 2 or 3. It also means a lot to me. This game series got me into rhythm games, and I spent so many hours on Kongregate just playing games like this. Before steam, this was my gaming website.

66. Cat- minecraft. Oh minecraft. I have so many fond memories of doing a LAN party at a friend's house or just playing modded with my lil friend group in high school. It's such a relaxing game, I can just mine for hours and just chill talking to someone. I love building villages too!

67. Zelda theme- I can play this on sax too! I loved watching the game grumps play the legend of zelda games, and I've always had a soft spot for them. I just kinda grew up with this series.

68. Evil woman- This song I remember from GTA IV. That game got me through some shit too, I honestly loved the story in it and it made me feel really good going through the story. It felt so real in a way. I played through it so many times.

69. Top secret- I watched patrckstatic play Maize. It's a really funny game and it made me laugh so hard! I still think of it whenever I listen to this song.

70. Skyrim theme- I sunk so many hours into skyrim. It felt a little samish after awhile, but it was still a great game!

71. Halo theme- Halo 3 was one of my first ever games after the gamecube. Now, why did I include so many short blurbs from video games? I didnt exactly write paragraphs about these like my previous songs. Well, gaming was and still is how I connect with a lot of people. I made friends in Britain, Lousiana, Portland, New York, I still keep in touch with some people through games, gaming has just always been a social thing for me and I grew up playing video games with friends. This music helps me remember that.

72. Wolf blood- this is my dnd song. In high school, I ran dnd club. I taught so many people how to play! I also went to a store I mentioned earlier, Mishap Games, and I played all day, every Saturday, for about 3 years. I played online and I ran groups. I played in college at radford. Dnd was my escape from life, where i could pretend to be some hero or villain character. I didnt have to be eden, I could just play a game with friends. I felt really good playing with people! If you ever wanna learn how to play love, or play together or anything, definitely let me know! I'd love to share a game I'm in love with with you!

73. Finally, Jump Up, Super Star- This is my favourite song. I've always wanted to show this song to someone and tell them how much I loved them. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who's more important to me than anyone else in the world. I've always wanted to show this song to someone who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and make them happy. I want to show this song to someone I'll always be there for. I wanted to show this song to someone I wanted to jump up with, without a care, someone I wanted to go on the odyssey of life with! My first ever post was me dancing to this song. This song means the world to me love. I really want you to know I'll always be there for you for as long as I'm alive. You mean the world to me. Come on, jump up in the air. Jump up because you know I'll be there for you. Everything will always be okay. I'm here for you. I know you're going through a rough patch love, but I'm here for you.

EDIT: 74. The Last Unicorn- This is the song from the movie the last unicorn. It's my favourite book of all time, it made me cry so hard! It's an amazing fantasy book that turns some tropes on it's head. It is a fantastic read I would 100% recommend so I dont want to spoil anything it's just amazing.

Now, why did I decide to post all of this today? Well I want you to know more about who I am, and what defines me. I hope I can get some explanations on the songs from your playlist too if you're ever up for it. I just wanted to share with you who I am. And I wanted a record of how I've felt to live on after I'm gone, if I do go away in August. Maybe you'll look back on my playlist and smile and remember me? Maybe Jump up will give you hope like it gives me. Maybe you can smile and jump up and just not have a care in the world. I really hope that songs has some meaning to you like it has for me, love.

Love always,

Eden ♥️♥️♥️♥️

[tumblunni]

Ok just... just... GIVE ME A SECOND to talk about the spoilery monster rancher stuffs, okay? Why THAT ENDING hurt so much but also fit so well with the rest of it, and why the third season kinda sucked so much despite being the continuation we all desperately craved. And why its still gonna have a place in everyone’s hearts, even the haters, JUST because it gave a conclusion to THAT FUCKING ENDING! I dont care if people say it would be more deep or whatever to leave on the downer cliffhanger, I still think it SHOULD have had a third season, just that it should have been better. Or I mean... maybe it would have worked better as a movie or a short ten episode season or something. Just there should have been SOME sequel to that ending, but a very very lighthearted season about a goofy tournement kinda wasnt what it should have been.

OKAY THE ENDING THE SEASON 2 ENDING the giant and damn awesome subversion of everything about the genre, which fit so well with everything else the show ever did, GAHHH Like.. there were SO MANY subversions and just interesting detailed twists on common ‘mon show’ tropes. One of the earliest episodes begins with an asshole trainer treating his Worm monster the same way a lot of people honestly might do while min-maxing in one of these videogames. He’s disgustingly abusive and feels like he’s justified because he’s making his monster stronger, and that’s all that it’s good for. And the show establishes its tearjerker tone early on by having this guy only repent after his horribly abused monster sacrifices itself to save him from the baddies, even after how badly he’d treated it. And he’s begging apologies to its dead disc stone, while it’s too late to do anything about it. But the show STILL gives him a chance at redemption, because our heroes trust him to raise a new newborn Worm, and to do it right. That’s just... what the show is. It went really REALLY dark, but it did this with this kind of determined optimism! And even the funnier episodes could have high stakes, and there was always the reminder that we were living in this dystopia and just trying to keep our smiles during it, because otherwise how can we change it?

And thats why season 3 fumbled by like.. not introducing its stakes early enough. Or.. at all. it was good that they finally introduced some good comic relief villains and generally villains with more motivations and backstory, but it combined badly with the no-intial-high-stakes thing to give a season that just felt way too happy. In a show that certainly had happiness in it before, but I mean it never felt hollow?? It kinda felt disrespectful to follow up a super depressing cliffhanger with such a badly explained and rushed flip back to the status quo, and then such a sparse plot with so few incentives to keep watching. Its only initial good point was that it resolved the cliffhanger AT ALL, but it could have done it WELL, and also established a new reason to wanna watch the show now the one big huge main plot has been resolved. Following up after the bad guy is defeated is always a hard thing, you cant just put no effort into it... Tho I feel bad even saying that, cos seriously season 3′s villains were the best part. They just might have fit better in season 1, or just if the plot kept up the slack surrounding them...

BUT YEAH JUST THE SUBVERSIONS!! I could fuckin ramble forever about how great they were! Seriously it was just THE BEST ‘ending’ to a ‘stuck in another world�� story, ever! Having the main kid finally get back home, but at the ABSOLUTE WORST MOMENT, after all his friends have sacrificed themself to save that world and he’s the only one left alive. And he doesnt even get enough time to process the shock, he barely even sees the rescued world before he just wakes up home as if nothing happened. And he’s stuck feeling like he can’t adjust to being part of this world anymore, and he’s mourning people he can’t even talk to anyone about. Imagine how worried his parents must have been when he became depressed seemingly overnight and refuses to tell them why! And then it just ends on him crying in the rain and the ghosts of his friends trying to motivate him to get back up and find a reason to live again. That was ONE HELL of a cliffhanger, yo! So yeah OF COURSE people were cheering for a new season, but also OF COURSE that new season would fail if it insufficiently followed up on the emotional impact of the cliffhanger and then had a bazillion episodes of barely anything emotional ever happening again, when the first series had you crying your eyes out as early as episode 4...

oh and like DEAR GOD all the OTHER really good subversiony episode plots aaaaa like even down to little stuff like how genki actually fights alongside his monster pals. And he’s a total badass who does succeed in doing more than most humans could do, but still he’s just a human going against monsters. he knows what he’s doing is rash, but he does it anyway because he cares about his monsters and couldnt just let them die without throwing himself in front of the bullet. And every battle in this show is life or death rebellion against an oppressive regime like that! Random low risk tournement episodes used to be.. like.. FILLER in this series. It was a terrible idea for the entire third season’s plot... And I also loved how the team actually did help people along the way as they journeyed to defeat the baddies, and it wasn’t JUST fighting. They had a whole tearful episode about everyone struggling to hold back a dam that the baddies had sabotaged to wipe a village off the map, and it was INFINATELY MORE INTENSE than half of the things Pokemon has ever done, lol! (not that I dislike pokemon, just the anime in particular is a bit naff) God, how they were all strangers to this village and how they actually had bickering between the team members on whether they should really do this, and all the different ways they tried to save the dam and how they made it way too clear that they were gonna die from friggin holding this thing back with their bare hands. And how they organized the whole town to work themselves to the bone trying to divert the dam, and how a bunch of their attempts failed and they came so close to not having enough time! You had me weeping for the potential deaths of a hundred nameless faceless npcs just from putting me in the shoes of our heroes reacting to it! You made a little kid understand the complexity of civilian casualties in war! And OH MAN, Golem’s backstory! How he was a former war soldier who just shattered mentally after being forced to kill so many other monsters. And he was so gentle at heart, and he sat there guarding this church full of disc stones for god knows how many decades, blaming himself for what happened. Like.. it showed that even when you’re fighting villains, killing still breaks you. Dear GOD, his face when he came back down from his friggin ptsd flashback anger episode saving the heroes from the baddies, and he saw all the dead baddies, and just... you could not talk to that man and tell him that killing was justified just because they were BADDIES. Even if its in self defense, he still has to look at his hands that just murdered people. I’m so damn glad the heroes managed to befriend him and take him away from that place, cos that moment came so close to sending him back to his guilt spiral! If anything, I think that the dub calling them ‘baddies’ actually made all these moments way more effective. The childish terminology makes you think this is gonna be a paint by numbers story, so it hurts more when its anything but! Even in a world with a concept like ‘the bad guy magically turns people into his bad minions’, they still managed to deal with complex grey morality, and that’s one hell of a crowning achievement!

...plus it allowed for a happy ending after all. God, i cried for all those poor minor mooks getting brought back to normal in the end. Honestly, even though it hurt, I would have accepted it ending on all of the hero monsters being dead forever for the sake of bringing back all the dead civilians and brainwashed baddies. Sacrificing yourselves to save so many others! God, this show’s characters are too goddamn pure. AND COMPLEX TOO! man I loved how grumpy and selfish half of the hero cast is, yet they’re still heroes despite it, and god just HOW THEY ALL DIED TOGETHER AND OUR PROTAGONIST IS THE ONLY ONE FORCED TO KEEP ON LIVING that was such a fucking cliffhanger thank you terrible season 3 for fixing it man i can forgive anything you do because you did that baby mocchi lived and ate some mochi cakes and tiger and hare lived to bicker with each other once more and golem could find some peace knowing all the people he saved, even if he might never be free of the guilt of those he failed to save and suezo and holly didnt have to be apart again, he didnt have to end his life finally proving his ‘usefulness’ at the cost of everything else (SERIOUSLY SUEZO LOW SELF CONFIDENCE EPISODES KILL MY HEART) and genki didnt have to have his childhood completely destroyed by his ‘magical adventure’ plot ending on so much of a trope subversion even if still it was good that it happened it was a really fuckin good plot all that suffering just made the happy ending that much happier! GOD I miss this show very much...

[sunggyushines]

11 Questions

Rules:

Always repost the rules Answer 11 random questions posted for you Create 11 new ones Tag 11 people tagged by @leesungjongg​ @flowrsoo​ @infnthoya​  @sungyours​ and @star-hoya​. thank you so much guys!!! <3333333333 tagging: @leesungjongg​ @flowrsoo​ @infnthoya​  @sungyours​ @star-hoya​ @jjonghs​ @princesungjong  @wonyeols  @inpinitaize @namstar @woohyung a lot of you have already done it so you don’t have to do it again!! even if you haven’t done it its alright if you don’t do this :) 

here are my 11 questions just so you dont have to go through a bunch of my answers 1. if you had one question you could ask infinite (as a group or towards a single member) what would it be and why? 2. Have you been to a concert? Who’s concert? What was it like? 3. Your favorite live performance and why? 4. What infinite member do you think has the personality closest to yours? the member that has the personality most different to urs? 5. Do you like getting up early or late?  6. What’s something you feel super passionate about? 7. Lead pencils or normal pencils or pens?  8. Sparkling water or still water? 9. Grab the closest book, go to the 11th page and read the 22nd word  10. string instruments or band instruments? 11. 3 reasons why you stan infinite

leesungjong’s Questions:

1. Are you a chicken nugget?  wait have u called me one ? i think u hve so i guess i am. or did u call something else a chicken nugget. my memory sucks

2. Can you whistle with your fingers (bc I can’t and I think it’s pretty darn cool)?  no! but when i was younger i used to able to whistle through my hand in like a fist? i had watched this elephant movie and they called the elephant like that i think...its been a while. anyways its like this guy right here! except not that good i could only make one or two notes. 

3. Do you know how to read or write in another language? Yessssss

4. What color is your room? Very white

5. Favorite quote(s)? Favorite Spongebob quote(s)?

All of hoyas rap in footsteps

“i’ll sail through the pouring rain. of course i’ll get wet but who cares, i’ll dance in the rain”

i havent watched spongebob enough to have a fav quote from the show (on the list of many banned shows as a kid hahah now that im grown up im lowkey glad my parents didnt let me watch it)

6. Do you wear makeup? Nah

7. Can you burp the ABCs? i havent tried but its not something i think id want to do ;D

8. Are you an alien? Can you beam me up your spaceship? i dunno am i? 

9. Highlighters (the makeup kind) are actually stardust. True or False? idk what they even do where they go what they look like so i have zero answers. 

10. Did you drink water today? Hydrate yourself and then finish this questionnaire.  i have drank water!! 

11. Someone comes from another universe and tells you about their world. From what they’re talking about, it sounds pretty awesome (despite a few aspects) and you’re thinking about visiting this cool place. The person asks you to come with them, but there’s two conditions. 1) Only you can go. 2) If you go, there’s a 50% chance you might not be able to come back to this universe. What is your decision? Why?

idk that planet doesnt have kim sunggyu’s music infinite so no (it is not an exaggeration to say that infinite is my lifetbh)

flowrsoo’s Questions:

1) If you could live in only one season, which season would you choose? Probably spring

2) Favorite flower? hoyahoyahoyahoya

3) Have you ever prank called someone? If so, what happened? OMG this statement just brought back a truckload of middle school memories of sitting on the bus to go somewhere for some club or something and the kids prank calling people. i didnt personally prank call anyone but ppl near me have hahaah. dont quite remember what happened

4) Have you ever danced in the rain? not that i know of but i feel like little me might have

5) If you could stop what you were doing right now and be somewhere else, where would you be and what would you be doing? playing music

6) If you could live in a book/movie what would it be? hmmm good question. its been a while and i think i’ll cheat and put down a tv series. avatar the last airbender lolol just bc i always have wanted to bend stuff...but i wouldnt want to live in warring time

7) What was the last picture you took on your phone? well it wasnt my phone but a random old phone which has like zero pics so i commemorated it with a pic of my dog lolol but on my phone its a pic of hoya during kcon

8) If you could have a superpower, what would it be? well not invisibility bc i already have that power ;D maybe time travel?

9) What do you think is your best trait? i dont have one

10) What’s your favorite song atm? atm?? dunno. all time fav though is def shine by kim sunggyu

11) What is something that makes you happy? shine by kim sunggyu  infinite

infnthoya’s questions!

1. Let’s say superheroes exists. Would you like to be one who saves their people from inhuman enemies like those in the movies? Why/why not? probably not. i think ur life would be in constant danger like 24/7. although itd be nice to have super powers, its not nice to constantly worry about ur life or something idk?

2. A song that makes you think “I wish i was the one who wrote the lyrics to this”? hmm i tend to focus on musicality more than lyrics (and how the lyrics influence the musical decisions and stuff). honestly having a hard time thinking of a song where all of the lyrics really resonated with me. oh time spent walking through memories. i love the lyrical progression of the song. the imagery is so ridiculously pretty  3. An mv that makes you think “I wish i was the one who shot/directed/wrote the scenario to this”? hmmmmmmmmm again i spend wayy too much time focusing on music rather than filmography and stuff. i’ll just say white confession by infinite. bc its one of the few infinite mvs where they are just being happy i guess? like other mvs have gore and sadness and all that stuff id be very sad watching it. but the white confession mv had some genuine moments of ot7 and i think id love to have been the one to see that irl.  4. Is there a song without an mv that makes you create your own in your head? If yes, which song and what would be the mv like? shine by kim sunggyu. jkjkjk as much as i love the song im not sure if ive created a mv for it bc  i feel like the live version would be MV quality worthy honestly. now that i think of it, for a lot of songs i just kind of imagine ppl singing it? or rather the colors and feelings that are evoked by it. like habitual irony sounds like a sunset thats the imagery i get from it. so i’ll just say habitual irony with a sunset theme i have no idea.  5. Something that made you happy recently? HOYAS PERFORMANCE AT KCON I JUST KSDJLFKSJDLFK 6. Something you bought for yourself just for pleasure (not a necessary item) recently? (Pics if possible) recently? nothing but i did by the reality album + poster like when that came out (lol guess whos pc i got ;D)  7. Does your bias look better in formal or informal clothes? Convince us with pics! both??? 

8. Movie recs? i really don’t watch movies hahaha

9. If you could form a duo with someone (not necessarily a singer/celebrity) who would it be? Why? kim sunggyu  i have no idea maybe someone who could duet with me on an instrument thatd be cooll...except my instrument skills are so subpar. i honestly cant think of anyone bc i feel like id bring every partner down

10. Dream job? a musician but im already way off that track and i’ll never get there ever hahaha 

11. Something you’d like to say to anyone (just one person) right now? (Except for me. Since im the one who asked, i dont wanna sound like im forcing you guys to say something to me xD) recently flowrsoo gave me some awesome advice so i want to thank her for that <333

sungyours’ questions :) Are you more of a cat or dog person? i have a dog...but idk if i am more of a cat or a dog person Sweet or salty popcorn? idk i really like butter  Is tomato a fruit or vegetable? A FRUIT FRUIT IS EVERYTHING THAT HAS SEEDS. CUCUMBERS ARE FRUIT. AN AVOCADO IS A FRUIT  Your favourite subject at school? bio or chem probably (music is where my heart is though) An idol’s body you wish you could trapped into for one day? hmm eunji? shes a great singer i wantt os ing like her A social media you use frequently (other than tumblr)? nothingggghahaha ok twitter bc i have to keep up with the romeo fandom ;D A talent you wish you could have? EVERYTHING OH MY GOD i wish i was like brilliantly skilled an something but an instrument would be ideal so then i could major in music without hesitating. Something that could instantly turn you off from other person? being mean Your ideal weekend? sitting alone i guess What did you dream about last night? idk what i dreamt last night, but the most recent dream i remember was that there was some sort of musical that i had to rap the rap part in “day by day” and i kept searching for the song on my phone but i couldnt find it and i kept getting distracted by other things and then it was my turn to go on and the dream stopped. i woke up and realized a) there was no song called day by day that i knew b) the song i was thinking of was day after day c) that song does not have a rap part Any book(s) you would like to recommend to me and your followers? ive stopped reading books unfortunately :( so no :( 

starhoya’s questions

Are you usually early, right on time, or late? usually early!  Tell me who your 2nd bias is and why you stan him/her? 2nd bias in infinite? (sunggyu) i blame his music 100%  What was the last thing you ate? hmmm ithink salad?  Do you like spicy food and what’s your tolerance to spiciness? this might sound a bit weird to ppl who dont eat my cultures food on a daily basis like i do but i literally dump plain yogurt on everything and eat it. not bc its spicy but bc i need the calcium and i like the taste of how it tastes with everything...so over the years my spiciness tolerance has gone down a lot.  Recommend 3 songs to me please (it can be any language/genre). :) habitual irony~nell btob ~ spring day’s memory (remember that is the english title i think) house of cards ~ bts  tried to keep it to non infinite songs What concept are you hoping INFINITE’s next comeback will be? honestly infinite has yet to disappoint me with a concept. as long as it has the classic infinite flair i dont mind whatever concept it is...(though there is one concept that would give me hard time to get used to) Can you play an instrument and if so, what instrument and why did you learn it? yes! a bunch of them and all for different reasons! violin bc i wanted to play an instrument in 3rd grade and someone i knew chose violin so i chose violin lolol. then piano bc i got a keyboard for xmas one year so i picked it up. and then viola bc i thought it was such a pretty instrument. and then xylophone/vibraphone/bells/other misc percussion bc i was in the pit in our marching band bc i thought itd be cool to learn instruments  Is there any movie you’ve watched more than 10 times? oh wow maybe a miyazaki movie? i literally grew up on those  How many people do you follow on Tumblr? 270! Tell me about something you’ve achieved? hmm what have i achieved? lolol not much recently but when i was younger i got a black belt so thats cool :D Do you wanna build a snowman? :D COME On LETS GO AND PLAYYYY im p sure ive never made a sucessful snowman in my entire life so if u can teach me how to as well, that’d be great ;D 

[becausehesmyteacher]

Journal 03.07.17

LATE ASF IM AWARE So I dreamt of B again, we were sitting on the school bleachers just talking about anime and hockey and everything we havent been able to catch up on. It was amazing, so amazing i wasnt even sad when i woke up instead i was smiling while reminiscing about him. I attended classes as normal; nothing out of the usual happened. I mean during 9th period i stepped out to "go to the restroom" but i actually had to make a few calls to my dad and grandparents to make sure they were at school when it ended bc the school we were playing against was 30 minutes away and the game started 30 minutes after school. To make this clear, I was desperate to go to this game as it was where B is currently teaching and it was a chance to see him; Hes always putting it out there that he likes it way better at my school than where he was hired. Last year was his first year teaching so we were practically his first years. Too bad he got laid off at the end of last year so found a job at a nearby-ish school. So I took the long ride to the school, my grandmother doesn't like the freeway so we took the longest route possible. Luckily, I still got there on time, actually 4 minutes were still left before the game actually began when i stepped into the gym. Before that I was wandering around trying to find the gym since it wasnt labeled atop the door like my school and man the school is beautiful! I wondered how B could despise this place compared to my school. The quad was clean, the field was nearly 2x bigger than ours, and the gym is nicely set up. When I walked in there I saw the coaches who also happen to be my former teachers and right beside them on the bench was B! My heart swelled even if he was so far. I tried to act like i didnt notice when I sat on the far end of the gym. He got up and sat on the opposite end so I was staring at him for probably 30 seconds while asking myself "Am I gutsy? Am i gutsy enough to do that?" As i pondered the idea of going to say hi or perhaps even sitting besides him. I did. I got a burst of courage, Ill most likely never see him again I might as well take the chance. I stepped down from the bleachers and walked to the side that was closest to the doors. When my eyes landed on him I noticed he looked prominently different. When i had him last year he always kept his hair gelled up and his scruff shaved. But now he slicks back his hair and grew out his scruff to a beard. Not duck dynasty long but long enough for it to appear as a beard. I yelled him name and he looked over and he smiled. A smile i havent seen in nearly half a year. It was honestly the most beautiful thing ive seen in a while. I sat beside him and fist bumped him asking how he was doing. He say he was "eh" and in turn asked how Im doing as well. I said this year sucks, and that i hate it. His face contorted to look really concerned and asked whats the matter. I smiled and just wrote it off. Remember how I said this school was beautiful compared to my own? Well i confronted him about it and he went "Sure the school LOOKS nice but the kids are something else..." We both laughed at that and oh man I missed that. I missed us having moments together. The game started and he went "GO (my school)!!" His coworkers sighed, like theyve heard that repeatedly on a day to day basis. He turned to me and admitted that this was the first basketball game the whole year he attended. I asked him why if he always went when he used to teach at my school. He told me that he didnt care THAT much and its difficult since their games start nearly 2 hours after the end of school. At my school its only 30 minutes after. Kind of sad considering its a playoff game and its end of regular season. But Im glad he attended this one, its the only away game i considered attending for the sake of seeing him again. Throughout the game we talked about the players and how he had most of them, anime, and sports (ah fitting, no?). He remembered every single students he had on the team, he even texted the coaches to tell them to put his former students on the team. I couldnt tell if he was joking or not because he pulled out his phone and text messaging app but i turned away to keep from being nosy. I dont know how but i found a way to bring up how i finished a couple anime over a few weeks. He also finished a mutual anime and it turns out hes finishing up an anime i barely started. It has like 750 episodes fucken nerd i swear. I changed subject and poked fun at him and asked whats the difference between the students at my school and the ones over here. He sighed and was frank, "The kids here have no personality! They dont care about anything! Not sports, not video games, not anime! Like at your school you guys at least liked SOMETHING. You know how we have spirit week right? Well one of the days was sports day and barely anyone wore anything! Even on the Superbowl day no one cared!" I was surprised he cared that much about how students act, enough to be surprised no one cared for a sport he didnt enjoy. He rambled on and told me in highschool he used to play baseball and was the pitcher. He told me he hasnt really played since then so his aim must be bad but man that image of him as a baseball player is so cool. He is so cool. We talked about basketball (we were attending one after all) and i told him about how i played on an opposing team against these girls after school for fun and that theyre scary and aggresive even if theyre your friends. He laughed and agreed, he said that if he played these girls he would probably lose as well. That was the main points i could remember but we talked about miscellaneous things throughout and inbetween. I loved every second, his voice is the most beautiful thing ive heard in my life. And before I knew it the game was over, we lost by about 20 points, we were out of the playoffs. I shouldve been sad or frustrated but i wasnt! I walked down the bleachers with him with a smile on both of our faces. We stood in front of the bleachers and my current english teacher came up to us and joined our conversation. She laughed when she saw him and teased at him beard and hair. I wouldve been jealous but shes a middle aged woman that is married with children versus him whose single and in his 20s. I fist bumped her as well and i joked about "humanization" (a dumb joke about a meeting the teachers had about how if you interact with the students like handshakes or fistbumps will """humanize""" us students) B didnt get it so my english teacher explained and he was like "thats dumb lmao" and hes just the cutest man. We all talked for a bit before parting ways. He went out the side entrance and I went out the front entrance but just before we hit the door i saw him glacing at me before i looked back at him and waved my hand up high and yelled "It was nice seeing you B!" and he yelled back waving that it was nice that he saw me as well. I walked out and called my parents but couldnt come for another hour or so since they were at a casino that was a far distance. So i decided to explore the school since it was so pretty. I circled the building and i was singing loudly because i was so happy. I reached the back entrance and I made eye contact with a couple making out who was just staring at me because i was signing so loudly. I went silent for like 3 seconds then burst into laughter and yelled out "WHO CARES??" to myself and I began singing again. I never felt this content in my life. I reached the field and stood in one of the baseball fields they had and imagined B pitching a ball. I held onto that image for a while, there was no one in the field afterall so I was alone in my thoughts. I finally got up after a while and walked around the field and i was still bursting with energy due to being so overfilled with happiness i began running laps! Laps! You guys dont understand how un-athletic i am and to run laps voluntarily is rare. I ended up running 2 and a half laps. When i got tired i flopped down in the middle of the field and looked at the stars since it was practically night now. You could see more stars on this side of town than where i lived. It was amazing. I picked up one of those wish flowers and blew it with nothing in mind. This was the first time I couldnt think of anything to wish for. All ive been wishing for for these past months came true and i was the happiest girl alive at the moment. I whispered to him as if he were beside me, "I'm in love with you." I could swear my heart swelled 10x as big today. I havent seen him in months, 5 months to be exact, and seeing him revived feelings that were always going strong but just needed that little spark. Today the little spark was ignited. And i cant stop smiling now.

[yumenosakiacademy]

Me.trocon 2017 Friday

this is a Diary entry for future me, but feel free to read, as always. Cosplayed: Mik.an Tsumiki

Okay, so i woke up early to get there by 10 am, ate 3 bowls of cereal n dad helped me w my wig n the bandages n stuff then i went to the con and made it there at abt 9:40 am..? around then, and went downstairs to look around before going to the ouran or hs panel so i spotted the nice Ann from earlier along with a futaba that they were friends w and i hung out w them for a while talking abt stuff and tried spinning a spinner for the first time?? rly hard w nails tho so i gave up and gave it back to them and i heard “hey nurse!!” and turned around and a ruruka and komaeda w a big monob.ear plushie were riding down the escalator waving at me and i got a pic of them and they took a pic of me and ruruka gave me a gummy candy but i had to return it bc i dont eat gelatin but they were nice! i saw em a few times later too. so i told ann and futaba that i was gonna go to the hs panel and said goosbye 

and i went to the hs panel and it.. wasnt too fun?? idk it was just a small panel. they were eating ben boozled beans to see if they got the good or gross flavor and i asked nepeta what her favorite kind of cat was and terezi tried to rap and gamzee did shenanigans but after a while i wanted to see some of he ouran panel so i went in there but not much was happening so i stuck around then eventually left it bc i was kinda bored

and then!! the LL pep rally aa! it was major cute, and all of the dancers were amazing and it had me having LL songs stuck in my head esp the nico and nozo duet song aa and while they were dancing i think i almost teared up bc i started having Idol Feelings?? flrhknrfhb but ANYWAY the maki, after asked, mentioned en.stars but she didnt kno how to play + she ddnt wanna read a japanese walkthrough and u could literally see me STRAINING not to tell her i could teach her how and i couldnt after the panel but oh well! the panel was rly cute n fun aa and there was a halloween!yohane w a rly nice outfit and after taking her pic i was like “im ur fallen angel now, yohane-sama!” and she was like “yes you are one w me now or somefin it was cute!

After that, i forgot that there was an SU panel and i went to the ON.S panel and some of the jokes were funny but since im not major into o.ns (never was, altho ive seen seasons 1 and 2 and read some of the manga) i eventualy left bc i got kinda bored and they startedplaying games like “Honey i love u” (and a friend later told me that the panel got boring after that) and bc i heard there was a DR meetup going on, i decided to go since i had 30 minutes before the max mitt.elman q and a but most of the cosplayers were just standing around and talking waiting for a photographer and a juzo was rly nice to me and so was the mondo (who seemed to be running the meetup) but by the time they got a photographer, it was time for me to go and mondo’s like “u joinin for pics?” bc i was standing off to the side looking at the con map n i was like “ah.. no, the voice of ryuji is here n i wanna see him” so the mondo said they were gonna be morgana at the per.sona photoshoot on satuday and that max might be there and im so SAD that i cant go to it bc its at midnight aa..

but so i left and i went to go see max mit.telman and it’s! surreal seeing a celebrity and everytime he spoke all i heard was Ryuji honestly thats what i thought of almost everytime fhnkhn but a lot of the talk in that panel was abt voice acting or spi.derman but i managed to aask him a question abt per.sona (”whats ur favorite castle and character?”) and he said kamoshidas palace bc ryuji’s awakening is in there and that ryuji was his fav n when i said Of Course he said “oh, other than ryuji? hmm.. the subway announcer” and everyone laughed and i think someone else asked him abt per.sona before me and it was like.. what was the funniest ryuji line to do and max said “the line where hes eating and he goes ‘IT’S LIKE A MEATY EXPLOSION IN MY MOUTH!!’” and i was laughing aaa but it was so cool! but i left near the end of it and went to the DR panel at 1:30

and the DR panel was kinda boring, i stood in the back bc there were tall ppl sitting near the places i like to sit and stuff but hey did lil games and i asked mono.kuma “what his fvorite exocution was (”h-hopefully not mine!”) and he said terut.eru’s w the helicoptors and they had trivia but the only question i knew i dint raise my hand fast enough unfortunately but its okay and later in the panel i asked junko how she really felt abt mikan (and called her junko-sama aaa) and junko said “well.. i kill the people i love so.. haha!” but made a heart w her arms and i made a heart w my fingers

NOW FOR MY FAVORITE PART OF TODAY there was a dm.md dating panel and i was like “hhh clear is best boy im gonna wait until clear is called then take a seat as a contestant” so the panel was funny and virus was all like “how do you feel abt exotic pets” and contestant one was like “well i do love bigass snakes” and virus is like “oh yea? well i have 2~” n koujaku mentioned something like theyll have to be a snake charmer and one lady, when virus asked why he should choose them, she said her character (Foxxy) once put chicken up herself and it came out fried and her friend, who was #2, said “I CANT COMPARE WHEN HER P**** DOUBLES AS A MICROWAVE!” and the other girl went “easy bake oven” and everyone was laughing and #2 couldnt stop laughing and it was Wild tbh ekhrhflj AND THEN when they called cleae you could see me stand up SO EFFING QUICK AA and i sat down as contestant 3 and as i sat down i was like “aa i was waiting for clear hes my best boy” and clear (and kou i think) heard me and went “oh aww” and clear asked his first question of “what do you think of jellyfish” and #1 said they’re squishy, #2 said they’re pretty yet kind of delicious, and i said “they’re pretty and floaty.. and theyre soft- well, they look soft, yanno? and they’re swimming all free.. w how theyre floating, maybe theyre secretly fairies or something?” and everybody Aww’ed aaa and then clear asked his 2nd question “where you take me on a date?” and #2 said the obv answer of aquarium, #1 said a beach at sunset i think, and i thought for a sec abt how clear is soft ans sweet and said “i think something simple, like a sleepover, and we could have glow in the dark stars on the wall n all yanno, and maybe watch a movie w a pillow fort and lots of plushies?” and everybody Aww’ed harder and i just kinda shyly smiled and i heard the panelists Awwing too and koujaku turned to clear and said “so, do you need to ask a third question or do you obv already know who ur gonna pick” w an Obvious tone and clear nodded (rly cutely aa) and walked down n he was like “would you.. do me the honors of being my chosen one?” and holding out my bouquiet (which was what the winning contestant got) and i was smiling so hard and nodded (i think we hugged too?) and i said “only if i have the honor of giving you a lollipop, clear~!” and gave him a fake shot and a lollipop and i was like “if you need a different flavor u can have a diff. one aa” and clear was like “ah oh no that’s fine!” and koujaku was like “oh my god can we have her instead of these guys” (meaning the other dm.md panelists) and  was fidgeting back to my seat in jy and slight shyness but after that i asked clear 2 questions during the q and a and i asked if he would make his brothers Good and not on the side of toue if he could and he nodded yes and one of the panelists played jellyf.ish song and i was like aa and then later i said “um.. clear.. i think you’re kinda similar to that one robot.ic pokemon princess- um, i forgot her name bc of my memory but-” and clear was nodding and blushing and i was like aaa bc we’re both Shy so it’s just us both being nice and blushy and i couldnt hear it well but i think clear was like “we should see it later” and after the panel was over i was gathering my bag and the clear came up to me and they were like aa you’re so cute can i take a pic of you” and i was like “yea sure can i take a pic of you?” and so we talked abt how neither of us have seen the pok.emon movir i was talking abt yet and i gave clear a hug and they were so cute im gonna Cry aa... im Lov............

after that i walked around the dealers room and the female hajime from earlier that i saw at the meetup and at the DR panel asked me to pose w them and since they got a bouqiet from the dm.md panel too we posed w those like a marriage proposal and i was like “take that spike ch.unsoft we’re making DR Gay now” and we stood around and talked abt per.sona until i saw a ryuji and goro and hajime and i took pics of em and we talked w them for a sec (the goro was like “nobody likes goro they all want pics of just ryuji”) and they were Nice and i saw dm.md cosplayers that i saw at the panel in the dealers room and they kept complimenting me on how cute i was during the panel aaa AND i met the virus and trip who were in the panel and they complimented me too and we stood around and talked for a while and i was like  “is virus’ jacket green bc he’s Poisonous?” and they were like “..interesting though. maynbe! :o” and i was like “and trip is piink for sweets, virus is green bc of snakes maybe? and trip’s pink could be a lion tongue?” and i gave them both lollipops + fake shots (i was like “maybe oit’s heroine. OH or maybe i shot you up w... Morphine” and we all went aaayyye) and i left

the oso.matsu-kun ppl never showed up so ikept browsing the dealers room and while i was looking at en.stars blind boxes, i saw a naegi going thru the id.olish omanjuus but i thought they were en.stars ones and i went “omg are you an en.stars fan?!” and they were like “YEA are you??” and i was like “YAH” and so we talked abt the event and how he wants a wataru omanjuu even tho he kinda finda wataru weird and turns out hes a SwitchP and a rabitsP bc “he has self-care” and doesnt go close to Popular units and we talked for a while and he apparently didnt kno abt the en.stars panel on saturday so i told him abt it and led him to the idol merch booth n showed him the en.stars keychains and found atsumugi for him and he got a sora and some lady in a pink sweater (?) was looking thru the boxes too so i was like “ARE U INTO IT” n she was lieke “yea!” so we talked w her and shegot the shu christmas charm (i joked that it mustve been fate we met bc i got the mika one) and she said she likes valkyrie and she mentioned her artist alley booth has en.stars stuff (i couldnt fint eh booth) and that someone she knew was cosplaying mika (didnt fine em either) or maybe she said “was going to..?” but she said she was gonna go w a friend as leo and madara in vacation clothes on satuday n i was like “DUDE COOL” and naegi said he might cosplay nazuna at metro or just eventually and i was so happy aa but eventually i left the dealers room

the os.osan q and a wasnt much to talk abt so after that, the bn.ha q and a AND the bb dating panel were PACKED but i stood in the back of the bn.ha one for a while but thought abt leaving and dad called me so i took my chance to leave and answer him and after that i just walked around more and met an eg.gs benedict who hung out w me and we saw a nof.ace who gave them candy and we talked w an akira abt stuff before i left to walk again and after a while i met a Honoka and a Kamoshida and we talked abt en.stars and LL and aa it was fun they were Nice and i went to the mat.suno mixerfor the last half (i looked inside earlie, saw no one and didnt go inside but they apparently stated late) and got chosen to be a contestant for ichimatsu (which i found ironic bc i had already won a dating game today haha) (i was contestant #1, he couldnt see any of the contestant bc there was a rack between us) and ichimatsu asked “whats ur opinion on cats”and i said “well i love them!! and rin h.oshizora is my best LL girl so of course nya!” n for the 2nd question he said “my brothers r gonna hate me for this, but how submissive are you?” and i said “well.. technically i’m a switch, but i’m Mostly a bottom, ichimatsu-sama... And i mean.. i let junko-sama step on me so..” and some ppl laughed aa and for his third question he said “on a scale of 1-10 how much do you think im trash” so i decided not to say 10 or 11 and said “well i think you’re mosre like.. a recycling bin! nor fully trahsh, perse! but im p lazy too so we can be trash buddies together!” and in the end ichi said he liked #1 n #3 but #1 charmd him more so the rack was removed and i got a bouqiet of duct tape flowers from him and i said “i can be your kitty, ichimatsu-sama nya!” and he linked elbows w me and escorted me down the stage stairs and it was nice aaa..

after that was the pajama rw.by panel but it wasnt v interesting and some guy in he audience was loud and annoying and the LLpj party where i talked w the honoka and kamoshida from earlier and a different honoka and we talked for a sec abt en.stars and id.olish and the panel was okay but i was.. tired aa...

the DR panel turned out to be mostly party games not q and a and i was tired so i left midway thru once dad came to pick me up at like 11:30 and we got mcnuggets and a medium fry to share and!! con day overrr