#plus this journal was only supposed to be like 4 paragraphs but i got caught up in the memories

[becausehesmyteacher]

Journal 03.07.17

LATE ASF IM AWARE So I dreamt of B again, we were sitting on the school bleachers just talking about anime and hockey and everything we havent been able to catch up on. It was amazing, so amazing i wasnt even sad when i woke up instead i was smiling while reminiscing about him. I attended classes as normal; nothing out of the usual happened. I mean during 9th period i stepped out to "go to the restroom" but i actually had to make a few calls to my dad and grandparents to make sure they were at school when it ended bc the school we were playing against was 30 minutes away and the game started 30 minutes after school. To make this clear, I was desperate to go to this game as it was where B is currently teaching and it was a chance to see him; Hes always putting it out there that he likes it way better at my school than where he was hired. Last year was his first year teaching so we were practically his first years. Too bad he got laid off at the end of last year so found a job at a nearby-ish school. So I took the long ride to the school, my grandmother doesn't like the freeway so we took the longest route possible. Luckily, I still got there on time, actually 4 minutes were still left before the game actually began when i stepped into the gym. Before that I was wandering around trying to find the gym since it wasnt labeled atop the door like my school and man the school is beautiful! I wondered how B could despise this place compared to my school. The quad was clean, the field was nearly 2x bigger than ours, and the gym is nicely set up. When I walked in there I saw the coaches who also happen to be my former teachers and right beside them on the bench was B! My heart swelled even if he was so far. I tried to act like i didnt notice when I sat on the far end of the gym. He got up and sat on the opposite end so I was staring at him for probably 30 seconds while asking myself "Am I gutsy? Am i gutsy enough to do that?" As i pondered the idea of going to say hi or perhaps even sitting besides him. I did. I got a burst of courage, Ill most likely never see him again I might as well take the chance. I stepped down from the bleachers and walked to the side that was closest to the doors. When my eyes landed on him I noticed he looked prominently different. When i had him last year he always kept his hair gelled up and his scruff shaved. But now he slicks back his hair and grew out his scruff to a beard. Not duck dynasty long but long enough for it to appear as a beard. I yelled him name and he looked over and he smiled. A smile i havent seen in nearly half a year. It was honestly the most beautiful thing ive seen in a while. I sat beside him and fist bumped him asking how he was doing. He say he was "eh" and in turn asked how Im doing as well. I said this year sucks, and that i hate it. His face contorted to look really concerned and asked whats the matter. I smiled and just wrote it off. Remember how I said this school was beautiful compared to my own? Well i confronted him about it and he went "Sure the school LOOKS nice but the kids are something else..." We both laughed at that and oh man I missed that. I missed us having moments together. The game started and he went "GO (my school)!!" His coworkers sighed, like theyve heard that repeatedly on a day to day basis. He turned to me and admitted that this was the first basketball game the whole year he attended. I asked him why if he always went when he used to teach at my school. He told me that he didnt care THAT much and its difficult since their games start nearly 2 hours after the end of school. At my school its only 30 minutes after. Kind of sad considering its a playoff game and its end of regular season. But Im glad he attended this one, its the only away game i considered attending for the sake of seeing him again. Throughout the game we talked about the players and how he had most of them, anime, and sports (ah fitting, no?). He remembered every single students he had on the team, he even texted the coaches to tell them to put his former students on the team. I couldnt tell if he was joking or not because he pulled out his phone and text messaging app but i turned away to keep from being nosy. I dont know how but i found a way to bring up how i finished a couple anime over a few weeks. He also finished a mutual anime and it turns out hes finishing up an anime i barely started. It has like 750 episodes fucken nerd i swear. I changed subject and poked fun at him and asked whats the difference between the students at my school and the ones over here. He sighed and was frank, "The kids here have no personality! They dont care about anything! Not sports, not video games, not anime! Like at your school you guys at least liked SOMETHING. You know how we have spirit week right? Well one of the days was sports day and barely anyone wore anything! Even on the Superbowl day no one cared!" I was surprised he cared that much about how students act, enough to be surprised no one cared for a sport he didnt enjoy. He rambled on and told me in highschool he used to play baseball and was the pitcher. He told me he hasnt really played since then so his aim must be bad but man that image of him as a baseball player is so cool. He is so cool. We talked about basketball (we were attending one after all) and i told him about how i played on an opposing team against these girls after school for fun and that theyre scary and aggresive even if theyre your friends. He laughed and agreed, he said that if he played these girls he would probably lose as well. That was the main points i could remember but we talked about miscellaneous things throughout and inbetween. I loved every second, his voice is the most beautiful thing ive heard in my life. And before I knew it the game was over, we lost by about 20 points, we were out of the playoffs. I shouldve been sad or frustrated but i wasnt! I walked down the bleachers with him with a smile on both of our faces. We stood in front of the bleachers and my current english teacher came up to us and joined our conversation. She laughed when she saw him and teased at him beard and hair. I wouldve been jealous but shes a middle aged woman that is married with children versus him whose single and in his 20s. I fist bumped her as well and i joked about "humanization" (a dumb joke about a meeting the teachers had about how if you interact with the students like handshakes or fistbumps will """humanize""" us students) B didnt get it so my english teacher explained and he was like "thats dumb lmao" and hes just the cutest man. We all talked for a bit before parting ways. He went out the side entrance and I went out the front entrance but just before we hit the door i saw him glacing at me before i looked back at him and waved my hand up high and yelled "It was nice seeing you B!" and he yelled back waving that it was nice that he saw me as well. I walked out and called my parents but couldnt come for another hour or so since they were at a casino that was a far distance. So i decided to explore the school since it was so pretty. I circled the building and i was singing loudly because i was so happy. I reached the back entrance and I made eye contact with a couple making out who was just staring at me because i was signing so loudly. I went silent for like 3 seconds then burst into laughter and yelled out "WHO CARES??" to myself and I began singing again. I never felt this content in my life. I reached the field and stood in one of the baseball fields they had and imagined B pitching a ball. I held onto that image for a while, there was no one in the field afterall so I was alone in my thoughts. I finally got up after a while and walked around the field and i was still bursting with energy due to being so overfilled with happiness i began running laps! Laps! You guys dont understand how un-athletic i am and to run laps voluntarily is rare. I ended up running 2 and a half laps. When i got tired i flopped down in the middle of the field and looked at the stars since it was practically night now. You could see more stars on this side of town than where i lived. It was amazing. I picked up one of those wish flowers and blew it with nothing in mind. This was the first time I couldnt think of anything to wish for. All ive been wishing for for these past months came true and i was the happiest girl alive at the moment. I whispered to him as if he were beside me, "I'm in love with you." I could swear my heart swelled 10x as big today. I havent seen him in months, 5 months to be exact, and seeing him revived feelings that were always going strong but just needed that little spark. Today the little spark was ignited. And i cant stop smiling now.