#i havent used the blog since the last time i updated it

[marunalu]

Hey guys

I need to make a quick update of my whereabouts and why I havent answered any asks or messages lately. But first, I want to apologiese to everyone who worried about me. It wasnt my intention to make you worry, the last few weeks (months actually) were just quite stressfull for me and Im barely online anymore. I want you to know that you guys dont need to worry and Im really sorry if you did. Life is just quite difficult for me in the moment. I bother with some health issus right now (its NOT life threatening though!) both physical and mental and I have to take a few meds every day. These meds make me very tired and unmotivated to do anything Im not forced to do. I also had a lot of doctor appointments in the last few weeks and need to visit my doctor regulary. Again, its nothing life threatening but it tires me out and I dont feel very well in the moment. Most of the time I just want to be left alone so I can rest. Plus my private life is also quite messy right now and that doesnt help to increase my health. Since my health issues also have mental consequences I decided to stay away from any social media as much as possible, because the internet can be a toxic and stressful enviroment and I have realized that I feel worse if I lure to much on social media sites. I even try to avoid world news because they make me feel depressed. Even writing this short post is difficult for me, because I dont want to think or talk about my problems.

So again, Im very VERY sorry that I worried you guys, but it also warms my heart to see how many of you asked about my whereabouts and if Im okay! Thats so very sweet of you all! ❤️ And just a quick comment about mha. Im not lying to you, but right now Im not really invested in it anymore. The manga turned into a big dissapointment for me and I pretty much lost all my interest in it. I will still check out the last chapter and Im still positive about dfo to be revealed in the last chapter. But I already mentioned in the past that I dont think anymore that dfo will have an satisfying conclusion. It would be hilarious if it turns out the afo clone theory is indeed true though, because I was JOKING when I came up with it! I think its possible that hori will not confirm the theory right out, but just give very strong clues and hints like giving us a glimpse of the holes in hisashis hands. I heard, in a recent interview hori mentioned that he likes to leave things vague so people can come up with their own interpretations and conclusions, which I cant say is a smart move. Still, Im positive about dfo. I will eventually drop a post about the last chapter and talk about dfo if it turns out canon!

You are still welcome to send me asks but it will take me time to answer them. Im also not sure what I will do with this blog when mha is done, since its a mha/dfo centered blog. Eventually I just start a new one at one point.

A lot of hugs to you guys and see ya 🥰

[neon-junkie]

hi. a life update

im being oldschool and using this blog website for its intended purpose - blogging.

so, heres the goss. to start off with a banger, i am in a relationship!! ive not had a healthy relationship since i was 17/18 with my high school boyfriend, so to finally have one, at 26, is pretty kewl. my ex was abusive, and when i finally managed to get away from him, i remained single for almost 5 years. relationships/intimacy has been really hard since him, but ive finally found someone who is so calm and patient with me. he really understands the extent of what i've been through, and hes quite clearly sticking around, and not giving up on me.

and oh my dayyyyyssssss, hes so my type!! ive always set 3 firm criterias for dating: nerdy, alternative, and childfree. he ticks them all!! hes heavily tattooed, skates, has a mullet, stretched ears, piercings, loves metal. oh my starrssssss. if 16 year old me could meet him, i think she'd just melt on the spot. he'd be like my ideal teen dreamboat, and im so glad that that has continued into my adult years. honestly, he's a gem.

minus dating, i'm moving cities! ive been wanting to move to this specific city for a few years, and im finally doing it. bonus points that my partner lives there, which is more motivation to move yanno? like our second date happened after i did some flat viewings. oh, did i mentioned that we first met up at download festival? and our first date was watching limp bizkit together? siiiiiccckkkkk. he also asked me to be his girlfriend in a sick way too!! he purchased a cameo of mark anthony austin (dude who plays boba fett in a new hope,) to ask me out in the boba gear. it was so cute oh my stars!! this guy really knows what i like, plus hes a massive star wars nerd too yayaayayayyay!!!!!

anyway. moving cities hopefully early next year!! tbf i was going to move last year, but then i got promoted at work, but work has been.... omg. like i am so on the fence of rage quitting. work hasnt upped my wage, despite me asking multiple times. they havent helped with any training. in fact, i havent been trained on anything. they just expect me to do this job role with fuck all support. i just need to stick at this job until i move, but i think i'll quit before christmas, move, and then find a new job.

anyway uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. yeah i havent been writing much, its really sad. i love writing, but i just... dont get the urge or craving for it much anymore. i dont know whats killed my spark, or how to gain that spark back. i really thought bad batch s3 would help me out, but here i am... one post every few months... idk guys. like i get comments/praise every so often, but definitely not as much as people might assume? like it genuinely sparks joy whenever i get a little comment on my work, but sadly, thats quite rare. idk, im sure i'll find a new interest to ignite that spark once again. we'll see.

i guess thats it lol. update posted. neon out x

[basil-appreciation-comic]

IMPORTANT UPDATE!!

the comic is cancelled. you probably already assumed that since i havent posted anything about it in a while but yeah the things dead now lol. mainly because i dont care much about omori anymore, the comic sucked, and it was too much effort. i feel kinda bad about leaving you guys in the dark for this long tho, so i thought id go ahead and include all the scrapped stuff for the comic that never got finished

while i was writing the comic i started a google doc that laid out ideas i had for future pages. heres that if you wanna know how the story ends

it was written over several months and (most) things are in order of where they go on the timeline not when i wrote them so it might be a little hard to follow

also some art i never posted

(at least i dont think ive posted the last one)

i quoted not liking this comic as one of the reasons i stopped so let me explain that with a list of things id change about this if i were to remake it (which i wont)

remove the swearing that was so stupid

make omori mute (and probably use sign language)

omori does not express fear or stress in-game, thats sunnys job. quit it

he also does not cry and generally shows emotions (even the big ones) in more subtle ways (which i think i was trying to shift towards later in the doc) idk why he was so emotional all the time

literally everything about how i portrayed omori actually that was all just awful

the panic attack scene is fucking embarrassing i have no clue what i was thinking. im so sorry for writing it like that i did 0 research beforehand

make it shorter why did i think that would work out

id probably just make it a fic, comics take way too much outta me compared to just writing things

it does not need a big epic ending and probably shouldve ended not long after they escaped black space

the romance is horrible but thats the foundation of the comic so idek what id do about that

stop making everyone talk like therapists 24/7

and yeah it has a lot of problems but i still do care about this due to the ammount of effort and love ive put into it, i just cant and dont want to continue it

so yeah thats where this story ends ig. i had a lot of fun along the way, and thank you so much for all the support. bigger thanks to that one sunflower discord server (if you came from there you know which one) for being my main motivation and support throughout this journey. sucks this comic never got to see its full potential but im relieved to finally lay it to rest. the blog will stay up for archival purposes but i will not continue the comic any further obviously. the ask box will remain open if you wanna say anything or if you have a question about the story or whatever. thanks for reading.

[mourning-star-daily-comet]

UPDATE: the offical police report of the wilson/claire case has finally been released. i'll link it here, but i don't think it explains everything, since a good amount of the details have come from witnesses and locals that havent been contacted by the authorities regarding the story. so, for continuities sake, i'm gonna give a final summary on here before i close out their case on this blog.

the timeline i've put together relies partially on an official statement released by claire (who still refuses to provide a last name to the public, and has no official documents connecting her to any identity living in mourning star), who has initiative to lie. however, i matched her story up as many other sources as i could, so i'm pretty confident on this being correct but just keep that in mind.

after meeting him in september at a party, she and nicholas began spending a lot of time together. claire states that he faced severe struggles with his mental health including attachment issues- he was "so sad, all the time. he couldn't stand to be alone. i didn't know why."

claire had always had many dreams of what she calls 'a bigger life', which she often told him about but he did not share. but due in part to his anxious attachment disorder, she was eventually able to convince him to run away with her so they could be 'together, away from their small town', as she claims.

the details are fuzzy at this point, as she seems to contradict herself often in regards to the actual murder, but she claims she had reason to believe that Sears was attempting to attack her, and that she alone acted on self-defense. there are no witnesses to this other than nicholas who is not providing a statement; however, the lack of a murder weapon points to the idea that it was not premeditated, as the death was caused by sudden blunt force trauma.

she then claims that, very soon after the murder, Wilson started to fall sick and needed lots of treatment. this allegedly led claire into a cycle of systematic robberies, which she used to 'care for him'. this is also proven by the fact that he was found to be suffering from an unknown illness, in addition to his various injuries, upon rescue. she also claims that she stole a car belonging to a local, who does not want to be named at this time, because nicholas's had been crashed and the winter was too harsh for them to survive in the cold.

her story then details their living in the woods and how he was "barely concious through the whole thing. like- [she didn't] even think he realized he wasn't at home". this leads officials to believe that the entirety of their time spent running from the police was planned and carried out by claire, without wilson's discreton at all.

when questioned about his injuries, she states that she returned to the car they had been staying in to suddenly find him in his current condition. from there, she tried to drive him to the hospital, but he alledgedly attempted to climb out of the moving car. "he had been hallucinating the past few weeks. i think it was from fever, or dehydration? something. probably a mix of things. but he'd been really sick. [...] i think he saw something and left [the car], i found him away from it. i really don't know what happened." she never mentioned any plan of hurting him in her confession.

nicholas, however, has refused to speak on his side. he has recently been discharged from the hospital, but despite being questioned he has not made any statements.

so there you go, that's all i know. if you have any last questions, you can ask me, but i'm not sure how many more answers i can give.

[dominic-sessa]

life update!!!!

hi hello friends good morning good afternoon good evening its that time of the month again! this isnt really a big life update like the last time bcs i just thought id list down a bunch of things ive had on my mind.

first of all, im very happy to announce that i was able to watch 16 movies last march !! exciting!! i know ive said the last time that i quit the bingewatching thing but HONESTLY im in a work from home setup and the only way to keep me inspired is by watching a movie ... i am yet to find other ways to stay inspired so watching movies will just do for now... ALSO im gonna try to update my newsletter for the first time this year and itll probably be about the movies that i saw this march that i liked ! im now comfortable with turning the newsletter to be more about movies bcs nothing major has been happening in my life lol . so pls stay tuned for that newsletter post if ur interested!

another thing is ive decided to make this blog more personal! for the past year ive made this blog to be more about movies and gifs and stuff, and as much as i love getting the notes and reading ppl's tags, im going to try and make this blog work for me this time :) hope it doesnt get annoying or something... im also in the process of fixing my about pages and tags and all. ive used tumblr since 2012 so im still struggling with the setup. LIKE yes i want to maximize the fact that you can edit html pages and its cute and lets me be creative but at the same time, im on my phone majority of the time . and i dont like being on my laptop after work because ive literally just been using a laptop the whole day. for work. im rly shy to post some stuff about me (bcs i havent done it before fr insert the tom hanks dialogue from joe vs the volcano abt doing some soul searching and coming to the conclusion that hes just boring so he stops doing it) so if u see me doing it as an attempt to fix the personal pages on my blog, im sorry! AAAND as for the gifs thing, im thinking of changing my film diary tag, one thing i really enjoy is taking note of dialogues i love from a movie so i might just do screenshots. i really miss making gifs even though most of the gifs i end up with are LQ , but it just really isnt feasible now . (also some movies are just so tempting to gif LIKEEE valley girl and everytime we say goodbye 😭😭 it physically hurts me that i cant gif josh whitehouse and tom hanks in those movies....)

ALSO im really very very happy that ive gained new followers recently. i enjoy chatting with you guys and get so happy whenever i get the notif that someone sent me an ask/message!! ive been idle on stan twt/fandoms in general so its been a really long time since ive actually... talked to people... it makes me really happy talking to u and im sorry if my happiness doesnt show in my replies/posts. as i said, its been a while since ive done this and i usually go on here as soon as im off work (when my brain is semi-fried and the words are not wording anymore) . i hope i dont come across as bored/uninterested :(

and it isnt just about fandoms too, im genuinely insterested what u guys are up to lately and all... (in a non stalker way). it just feels nice to have friends in general ^__^

SO YEA, i think thats about it :) if u've read this all until here ilysm! thanks for ur interest and lmk how ur day was! or just send me something u want to talk about !

have a nice day :)

[cadence-will-cry]

YALL IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING

here's days 3-11 to make up for it!

day 3 ~ a picture of my fav. thinspo

i LOVE LOVE LOVE this thinspo and any thinspo like it. when people take the picture from the side and you can genuinely see how skinny and flat their stomachs are 😍 i also LOVE any thinspo where you can see somebody's collarbones/neck/shoulders (so like upper body thinspo i guess??) and you can see how skinny they are

day 4 ~ biggest fear about weight loss

i'm terrified that people will catch on to my ED. recovery sounds absolutely terrifying. speaking of recovery, i'm also terrified of recovering, as well as dying from starving myself (dramatic, i know), and people just never noticing my progress.

day 5 ~ why do i want to lose weight

partially to prove people wrong and partially to gain control. i know people think im fat and i want to prove them wrong. i also have ocd and i want control, so if i cant control anything else in my life, i know i can control my food and my weight.

day 6 ~ do i binge and why?

i only "binge" when people catch onto me. my last few binges were because my mom pointed out my unhealthy rate of weight loss and that i havent been eating and i was so scared she'd try to make me recover or she'd fully realize i have an ED. most of my binges are still 1000 cals max, usually less, but since my normal cal count is around 300 thats a LOT for me.

day 7 ~ do my parents know im losing weight?

im pretty sure my mom has caught on, but im pretty sure i've been able to mostly avoid anymore suspicions since she hasnt brought it up in a few weeks.

day 8 ~ my workout routine

it's normally crunches, lots of walking/steps, and also marching band. i play snare drum in my school's marching band and band practice alone burns so many cals that i dont have to worry too much about workouts.

day 9 ~ did people ever make negative comments about my weight?

yes, a good bit. people in band said i'd be the "prettiest girl if i would just lose weight" and my ex boyfriend used to constantly bring up what he thought about my weight and the fact that he wanted me to go to the gym more. he claimed he didnt care about my weight, but it was obvious he did by the amount of times he'd bring it up.

day 10 ~ what was the hardest thing i gave up during weight loss?

mostly just eating whenever and whatever i wanted. i gave up a lot of my few safe foods for weight loss. also due to my ocd, i cant eat a lot of foods and i had to give up so many of my okay foods because they were too high cal.

day 11 ~ fav. thinspo blog and why

i dont really have a favorite, i mostly just save whatever random thinspo i really really love that i see on my feed. i will say i LOVE @honeysugarfree's diets and anybody who sees this should totally go look at them. it makes things a lot easier to get into a character (if that makes sense??) and the diets on their blog makes things SO much easier.

[stars-and-guts]

hey guyz its star or panic welcome back to another youtube video

im kind of a dude think of me as a diet man, they / he / star, a little bit bi. contrary to popular belief you are not allowed to call me by the name "sus" yet my friends do so anyway and i cannot stop them as we are all eldritch beings who can eliminate each other at any time

im 99.9% sure i have adhd and depression but im still on the journey of getting diagnosed, i reblog about those things fyi i am diagnosed with ocd and anxiety but those two things manifest less recently and are instead me being normally plagued with my not so normal actually kind of awful life

i like a lot of stuff my interests always change CURRENT BIG INTERESTS (last updated august 20 2024): PROJECT SEKAI, OSHI NO KO, POKEMON, VTUBERS ESP NIJIEN

i wont be interacting that much with nsfw seriously but there will be some freaky jokes !!

also the point of this blog is for me to find tumblr posts i found a few years ago at the peak of my tumblr usage (i didnt have an account then) and reblog them here because theyre funny. and i dont like having as many screenshots in my storage as i do rn. those posts will be in the archive set to roughly the date that i found the post but those dates are before i made this blog so you cant navigate to them- instead you get to scroll through my struggles in reverse chronological order

what else idk i joke about mental illness and suicide i block for petty and small reasons and i think the concept of cringe is dumb because why are we suddenly shaming people for expressing themselves im sorry are we actually a hivemind

ALSO. IF YOU ARE ON MY CUSTOM URL. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CLICK THE INFO TAG ON EVERY POST I AM FUNNIEST IN MY TAGS BUT DIDNT KNOW MY TAGS GET HIDDEN LIKE THAT IN THE THEME I PUT IN UNTIL AFTER I ADDED A LOT OF CUSTOMIZATION

pinterest: starsxandxguts youtube: stars-and-guts anything else i either havent touched since i made the acc OR its related to vtubers and doesnt have anything to do w/ this blog

IMAGES USED IN MY BLOG: piplup forgot are you lost background sorry i dont remember where my pfp of piplup laying in the sand is from

[eddie-rifff]

not that anyone gives half of a shit but update on my stupid gums bc its my blog!!!!

i went to the dentist which i should have done like a month ago but oh well. anyway i have severe gingivitis on the cusp of early periodontitis which is absolutely not a good thing but supposedly reversible with better oral care and maybe other things being addressed (read further)

as for why this happened, though, theyre not totally sure, which is what i was worried about. i thought it was a mono flareup initially but im not really that achy anymore so i dont think it was that. the dentist thinks it could be a number of things piling up - dehydration, stress, vitamin deficiency. but like ive had all of those things for years and this (gum issues) only started a month and a half ago. so. idk. hoping the professional cleaning and medicated rinse she gave me puts me back on track and that if i take better care of my gums from here on out it'll take care of it for good....

the tiny bit of good news is that they havent bled AT ALL since yesterday which hasnt happened since this started. she told me to take ibuprofen 2x a day for two days to reduce the inflammation and gave me a chlorahexadine (sp???) gluconate mouthwash that tastes like straight up household cleaner infused with mint to use 2x a day for 2 weeks. and supposedly my teeth themselves look pretty good. a couple spots on the xrays where i might get cavities eventually but they havent progressed since last time i had xrays like a year ago. i went through years of braces and retainers and other weird orthodontic treatments including cartoonish headgear i had to wear at night (the discomfort of which i can still vividly recall 15+ years later) to get my teeth physically in the right place and the drs are always impressed with that lol

but ya. theyre gonna call me in 2 weeks and see if things have gotten better and if not ill go in again and discuss next steps and possibly get blood work done but im reeeeally hoping i dont need to do all that.

[sushiwt]

website update blog #12 (May 22nd, 2022)

hello! i'm back with some actual changes to the site now!

i apologize if the last website update blog was like...

hold on lemme check my tumblr-

wait a minute...

ALMOST 1 MONTH???

damn. well, i got some changes to show yall anyway sooo lets start!

last time i discussed my website, i told yall that i will remake the whole thing over, and THAT, is going to be my main focus.

so i moved the old files to a new folder called /legacy and made a new html file and css file.

i then thought of how im going to go about organizing this thing. i thought about it for an absurdly long time, and then i had an idea.

what if we organized it as such where the style of an html element can be changed just by using the "class" attribute?

its hard to explain so ill just show you what im talking about: (if you dont want to read this part just scroll down until you see the word SKIP HERE!)

ill give you a div element:

but i want to change how it looks, since its just bland text on the preview shown.

that's where these classes come in!

these classes are basically just there to change how any html's look! (with the help of the class attribute)

turning the div into a black rectangle with a shadow

turning the div into a white rectangle with shadow

turning a div into a white rectangle (no shadow needed (although it looks like the rectangle isnt there anymore, but trust me, it still does)

and more! you can do a whole lot with these combinations, and theres even more classes i havent told you yet, like the button and flex classes, but to put it simply, button adds a transition where the rectangle changes color from white to black and and animation that makes the rectangle slightly go up and flex is to arrange the rectangles in rows and columns.

SKIP HERE!

anyway back to the website...

this was the breakthrough idea that made recreating the website SO MUCH EASIER.

aaand after only 10 days, i finally finished!

i will now explain the changes i have made with the website (compared to my website before i recreated it)! it should be obvious but i will do it anyway.

- i added a github button!

this button serves two purposes:

its a button to redirect you to the github repository of the website!

its to get the /section buttons to actually look like they are centered. the main problem of the old navbar was that it did not look centered AT ALL, so i couldnt really center the thing without looking off and weird...

and now, with the github button, everything looks decent!

- changed the footer to look like a simple (rounded) rectangle at the bottom of the page.

this was to "solve" the problem which i had with the footer thingy which was that:

if i wanted the footer to fix on the bottom of the textbox,

but when i zoom out theres so much visibe dead space at the bottom.

and another thing, if i want the footer to stay at the bottom of the screen, it doesnt look like theres dead space, buttttt

the damn footer takes up 10% of the total screen space

so i had an idea...

what if we just contain it in a small rectangle instead of looking like the navbar?

it clearly does not solve the dead space at the bottom problem, but atleast it looks nicer than before and it doesnt look like the navbar anymore :D

oh and also

- I FINALLY FINISHED THE SLOOSHI PHOTO IN THE SIDE OF THE TEXTBOX AFTER LIKE 1 MONTH

YOU CAN SEE THE CHARACTER ON THE IMAGE I JUST SHOWED YOU IF YOU HAVENT NOTICED YET

THIS SHIT TOOK ME SO LONG TO ADD ARMATURES AND POSES AND I FINALLY FINISHED ITHBHRDJ FNJKCKXLM<

i just hope yall like it :>

aaaaaaand thats all that i have changed while recreating the thingy!!!

now the new stuff (theres only one):

- I added a new section on my website called sushiwt/lite!

based on @pagerorgy's sc36.net (and by based i mean i downloaded the html file of the website and edited it), this WAS a temporary home while i was remaking it, but now its just a place where you can see EVERYTHING the site has to offer (in only 1 table)!

i apologize of the fact that this blog is so long, so heres a tl;dr

i remade the website with a convenient way to change the look of an element

i changed the footer's look, added big slooshi, and

added sushiwt/lite, everything in my site in one table

ok goobai :D

- sushiwt <3

[kaatiba]

A Look Back - September in Review

i no longer intend to run this blog as a writeblr, but rather as a more informal blog as compared to my site. essentially this means i'm doing away with taglists and anything i share will be primarily for myself or in answer to questions, rather than to gain readers/interest. this is theoretically gonna help me feel less miserable and under pressure to succeed by the metric of interaction.

but i like these little update posts, they encourage me, so i'll keep them going.

in september, I wrote 12,984 words throughout 29 writing sessions and wrote for 13 days out of 30 (same amount of days as in august). but considering that this month absolutely wrecked me emotionally....go you, sumayyah.

—legends of mourra

i want to focus solely on this wip for the last three months of the year so that by the end of 2023, i'll have finished 2/3 of this first draft. but there are fics calling my name, so i will probably end up splitting my time between this and two other fic wips instead. this month i:

decided my warrior characters' preferred weapons

broke new earth, writing portions of this wip i never have before. specifically featuring a hammam and a caravanserai, which was a thing i learned about while teaching my ESL student

added some spiritual/religious conflict between halah and raoul that properly grounds the layer of drama between them that i've wanted for years now

re-remembered that im gonna add the background political drama via pov shifts between halah and nur

—rivener

decided im taking worldbuilding too seriously and not having fun with it. inspired by the wheel of time show (bc i havent read the books yet) this is a post-apoclyptic fantasy with 0 connection to our world, because it's more fun that way

apocalypse event was, i've decided, a really ruinous war with a rivener (as remembered) and a looper (conveniently and tragically not remembered). so besides wren's personal trauma w her power, there's also historical precedent for her to be terrified of

cormac....is a looper maybe. or wishes he was? who knows.

im so glad im using the term looper, as a call back to the film which inspired this wip. i think i can get away with it since my loopers do something completely different lol

gave wren another hobby: whittling. it helps her learn to control and channel her power in non-destructive ways.

renamed cormac's hunters to wrangles

(i love coming up w names for things this is so fun)

—misc

I GOT FANART. OF MY FANFIC BASED ON FANART. BY A REAL AND MAGNIFICENT AUTHOR AND ARTIST. truly peak of my writing life so far. emily bee martin has blessed me in ALL the ways. i wish her the MOST success

the comments on my boromir lives fic are SO lovely and flattering

joined a prompt challenge w ragewrites, managed to have the first prompt relate tangentially to oracle wip

wrote a pretty piece for reaper wip

envisioned reaper as a librarian of souls which...i love that idea actually go me

ok october, please be kinder to me.

[roseriot2191]

Entry 1/Introductions

hey!

so i really havent used tumblr before really so im not sure if this is the best place for what im doing but regardless im posting it here

~welcome to my blog~

the purpose is to document my life as a whole but its also my senior year so even more reason to record it!

this blog will be my safe space to spill anything, the good and the bad, of my upcoming life. in all honesty im not sure how well ill keep up with posts or how much effort ill end up putting into them but i will try to update at least once a week for sure.

ok so now onto me :)

hello again! im rose, i use he/they pronouns and i am 17. for anyone wonder, which i dont know why but i guess i can just state it to get it out of the way, im a cis queer guy. i use queer as my label because i very much dislike labels for myself lmao. im attracted to men way more often than not but if the right person for me isnt a guy the im not going to let gender/sex get in the way of love and im not sure pansexual really fits the way i feel. queerness ill say is a part of me but not something i identify with as much as i did in middle school. ill make a separate post about this perhaps. (ill mention that my name isnt actually rose irl and its just my pen name for the blog. i have no reason to be secretive really besides to hide my identity from friends, family and people who think they might know me, especially with the topics i might write about, but also i didnt put too much effort into disconnection rose and myself so if youre one of my irl friends, hi :p ) i am a high school student, but i am mostly taking college classes at a community college. im a photo major! photography is a recent thing that i started basically the same time i started college. i sorta took a leap into photo classes and decided that i might as well major in it since ive always been a creative person and since my high school was paying for my tuition. honestly college has been really fun but its school and sometimes i get burnt out really easily which sucks. ill probably talk about this more some other time. i havent really decided on a style of photography that i prefer yet but this fall ill start a portraiture lighting class as well as a color theory class, both im really excited for.

recently ive found myself changing or perhaps growing into a more typical "teenager" recently. this growth is a drastic change from who i was as a kid and that sort of scares me but i think i like the idea of who i can become. i started taking an interest in cars which sort of came out of know where. it might be because i got my license last december and have been driving a lot more but its also rooted in my ex too. (at the begging of this summer i got into a relationship with this guy who was my first everything, and we also ended it in july which hurt hella but again this is a topic for another post later) he was a total car guy and it was something we were bonding over. he would teach/talk about cars and i listened and started to take an actual interest. we went to a few car shows and it was honestly a prefect date/hangout for us because he liked cars of course but i also got to bring my camera and take photos. definitely something i miss doing. my first car was a 2004 honda pilot. it was a manual and i tried learning how to drive it and i got the gist but ended up selling it and getting an automatic 2006 honda pilot lol. this car ive had since february and its lowkey dying now which pisses me. my grandpa was the one who ended up buying it for me which i appreciate very much dont get me wrong but he bought it off these sketchy guys and didnt get it checked out right away for any problems and now im paying extra money in repairs. currently im trying to save for something more "extra" like a mustang or a bmw or honestly an older honda like a prelude or accord, though on my salary as a host in a small restaurant i have barely $4.5k saved and i started work about the same time i got the 06 pilot. i know these cars are a bit on the pricey side but im giving myself till new years to save for something and if i dont find anything by then, ill keep my money in savings for college after i graduate. (that is with the hopes my 06 pilot lasts me through that long :,) )

so yeah. i work as a host at a restaurant. its my first job and i honestly really like it. i get paid $16.50 an hour and i get tipped out by the waitresses on top of that. on average i make about $500 in a pay period which is two weeks. i wish i had more hours but also i dont. i usually use work as an excuse to procrastinate or completely ignore school work which is really self destructive because i convince myself that im productive but in reality i need to be more focused on school. my work ethic is pretty good though i think. i always say yes if someone needs a cover or if i need to come in ealry/on a day off. after the break up i took a bunch of extra shifts and started taking caterings for longer hours and to keep me busy. in the past 2 pay periods i clocked about 50 hours each and made $850 each. this has again been really nice for savings but not for my summer classes. this pay period i had a double catering and i should clock in about 40 ish hours. ill have one more pay period after this one before i will talk to my manager about scheduling me only friday-sunday and see about scheduling me caterings more rather than hosting since i make more that way. theyre pretty good about accommodating hours/days which is really cool but my manager always complains. i feel bad but also i really shouldnt because i need to do better in school first and i already do so much more than what i get paid for honestly so she really doesnt have any reason to say anything. (especially since we just hired 3 new girls after the summer hires left) all my coworkers love me but also everyone shit talks eachother behind their backs so i always wonder if they say anything about me lol. if they are then they should put that energy somewhere else because how are you guys gonna shit talk a 17 year old when you all are 25+???

my music taste is the opposite in regards to changing drastically. i find myself returning to the music i grew up with and even expanding with similar artists. for a quick family overview my step dad who raised me since i was three was/is a tattoo artist and very much in the punk scene. my mom was in the artistic performance and alternative scene. both these adults raised a very punk baby with all the classics and now like i said, after not really interested or listening to music often for awhile, im back to my roots. this is very comforting however when me and my ex were dating he was a big influence in the reintroduction. so do i corrilate some music to him? yes. does it hurt? im not sure. its very confusing but i listen to it on blast regardless and will most likely have hearing problems by the time im 30 T~T a lot of what ive been listening to on repeat is radiohead which was "our band" and i still think it is. im a very sentimental person and cant/wont diconnect these feelings probably ever. i do this a lot. this time though i havent had the urge to stop listening which is a reliefe because i enjoy the music but also because i think itd hurt me if i found hate or sadness in the music rather than the love and bond we once shared through these songs. something ive been considering is posting a song with every post or at the very least at the end of the week. maybe even a playlist at the end of the month? not sure yet. i think music tatse is something that changes with me all the time so its something worth recording here. oh also i def will post cd hauls here too! i have a small collection started but definetely wanna get more.

lets see i dont read often but my favorite books are alice in wonderland, the warden's daughter, they both die at the end, coraline and currently i am reading solitaire by alice oseman. ive read her heartstopper series and have taken a serious interest in tori's story. for my favorite shows i binge watch shows so often and then forget about them just as fast as i watch them lol. i really like soul eater, downtown, daria, the midnight gospel, the walking dead, initial d, madoka magica, and some others i cant think of right now.

hmm~ i cant really think about anything else to write at the moment, plus ive been typing for awhile and should get to bed, so i think ill end it here.

i dont really expect anyone to read this blog in all honesty but its something i wanna do for myself and if a few people take interest or relate to anything i talk about i think thats enough :)

[thetruthlsoutthere]

I'm back? ish - A

If any of you are still here:

i have not gone anywhere and i am not going anywhere unless i am deliberately silenced. Life has just had me swept up in all its glories and chaos outside of this blog that i use to document all weird things save for also doing so on paper. This is MY life and i know what i have seen, heard, experienced, what cannot be logically explained. I accept whole heartedly respectful debate/debunking but nothing is going to make me belief any less of all this stuff, most especially: that ALL of them have been, are, and will always be worth fighting for.

Basically: my severe depression has been getting REALLY bad lately and has led my mind to dark places again. {STILL HAVENT DONE ANYTHING IN ACTION and don't want or intend to}, been focusing on loved ones and needed things i have done and need to do for myself, trying to keep up and continue with self care so i can genuinely be a healthier person mentally and emotionally. Lastly, i just have been debated back and forth about how to go about updating.

Things have gone stagnant and not as active to an extent for a bit of time but i digress? Considering the fact that things have been weird before i was born, up to my birth and after to even today {I am 26 years old} , None of the weird / strange / unknown / unexplainable ever stops with me and it has proven it never will.

Had an extensive/deep conversation with a friend on here about this.

Importantly listed is this link: { https://www.tumblr.com/thetruthlsoutthere/649933649907695616/things-that-could-be-considered-normal-for-me?source=share&_branch_match_id=945849901175330215&_branch_referrer=H4sIAAAAAAAAAw2JyxGAIAwFK4roeNCxGxQ0jIFoeBzsXm77YeCpm3MeA1rexYZDswNHWANL1YYuFntK5aoE9qBDmwTaY4dSU%2Bg7UFHLXuhUoxydjIvH%2FK3vxPcP7HRBnGMAAAA%3D }

in that link listed above: anything from that, that hasn't been too active or at all lately is #'s possibly 10, 17, and 18.

keep in mind that for anyone who believes, follow this link of your own free will: { https://www.tumblr.com/thetruthlsoutthere/654900815559098368/suggested-ideas-that-work-that-i-think-can-work }

^^ While i am always keeping an eye, ear, etc out to watch out for anything, i have only been doing #5.

IMPORTANT NOTE: i want to get back into the rest of the numbers listed in the second link, which include updating you all on this blog, since i last really did. To not push myself by putting alot/most or all of it in one massive post, im just going to update on what i have to update on in series of posts.

If you have come to the end of this post: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for still sticking around, i appreciate it more than you could ever know. It means a lot to know i am not alone in all this belief, but including the things we deal with in our lives outside of it.

if ANYONE has anything they wish to share, please do not ever hesitate to send me a message, anonymous or non anon asks here on Tumblr from this blog of mine AS WELL AS my tellonym as listed in my pinned post, and lastly: my email truthbehindthemysteries@gmail.com .

Always with love and care

-A

[voyeuristicvixen]

Captns Log 45_ Its what you make it

So far I have begun my quest to travel all the seas of SL, this is what ive done. A cute solo trip with Orion my lil furbaby. I discovered a few dope spots along the way, which is the most fun part of exploring the mainland. There was an actual indian temple playing recordings of old hindu stories being narrated on the land that was a vibe... and I also found a really pretty European looking beach town, and squatted at this gorgeous villa on the water for a couple days. XD

I had a time, no one owned or bothered me either it was pretty abandoned XD I forgot I had some company also... did some fishing, and fryin.... and other things...

*Alexa, play "crepuscolo sul mare" * https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SuUe4HC0T4

I also ended up discovering other islands that is also lots of fun! & Places that the moles built long ago... really feels like being a explorer of lost worlds...

DAMN to be honest this was months ago, i havent blogged in a while but I got to get my creative mojo jojo poppin , juneteeth at Meroe was poppin as always!

FAHKDAFHJDHADJ July I was just being a homebody and my highlight was getting this poster of Mamia Orio for my room her ass clapps its a moving gif XD its on the marketplace ( I just realized she has a signed version now! ) : https://marketplace.secondlife.com/p/Mamia-Orio-Poster-Pack-Signed/26209494

Homebody Foxey, I really will just log in once a week to pay rent and thats it, thats been my SL for a few months and a couple sexy pics here and there for proof of life XD and here we are updated, we went in for Black August , honestly put it all together last minute, I am becoming more reliable and learning about ADHD and how to tackle certain ways my brain functions lmaoo that is also helping me with the things that matter to me to show up for them. Meroe Museum is a legacy, its a time capsule for the entire black and brown diaspora. It is a place that represents unity and love and healing.

I am so proud of myself because this year I finally did something that was put on my heart to do years ago when I first joined up with Meroe, to hold meditations on the campus. I recorded a special mediatation for ancestral healing and posted it up, it took me a lot of courage to do, which I didnt realize I needed. But it went really well and the meditation is really powerful, so much changed in my own life since I did that meditation. I was working a big ritual for ancestral healing in that week and all of it is now embedded into that recording which is now available for anyone to listen and tune into...

Secondlife is changing, but its really how you use it that makes a difference, just like everything else in this world.... thats why nothing can be over saturated because every person has their own perception, lane, and function of being.

Its unfathomable sometimes, how vast the combinations are in this reality to create a new element.

[irregulardiaryposts]

20:40 07/03/2024

okay wow well its been well over two years since i updated this 'diary' blog lol

so weird seeing all those old posts about being a teenager with existential thoughts lol i dont really think like that anymore, at least not so much. i guess an update is in order then lmao okay so im in my 3rd year of uni now and im doing my year abroad! doing it in a small city in spain and i really quite like my job, ive only got 14hrs, i have a 3 day weekend, the city is small so i can walk everywhere and this job really gives me a sense of purpose that ive been missing in my life. makes me really realise that university is NOT for me lmfao i was so depressed during my second year i probs went to like 20% of my classes loool. im pretty sure i mightve almost failed aswell but since the professors were doing a marking boycott they released grades without marking the final exam and so since i was already doing well enough in all my classes i passed! quite lucky i think cos i wouldve been so entirely embarrassed and ashamed if i had to repeat a year cos of mental health. i think things are better here tho my issues havent disappeard completely like eg i have these evening classes 6-7.40pm tuesdays and thursdays and for the past like month i havent attended :/ at first it was cos i was sick (i think it was covid lol either from glasgow or on the plane back idk) and then i just didnt go back to class. i think my main excuse is that that is dinner time for me and i dont wanna move dinner time lol. but also i think the class itself is just not for me i dont feel like i learn a whoooole lot while im there and learning on apps is easier for me? but i always felt better for going to the classes cos i was like ha! im not depressed would a depressed person do this!? but of course depression doesnt work like that and i think i need medicated ! but that seems too scary to say. but at least i found someone to do a language exchange with! ive only had one hour with her in spanish, which was yesterday, but i already feel like ive improved lmaooo like i literally dreamt last night in a mix of spanish and english ahahahah cos when i think about it i literally have not ever regularly spoken spanish, ive only really spoken for activies in class or speaking exams so no wonder i have 0000 confidence in my speaking abilities but im hopeful that this will really improve my speaking :) about my job i guess- i work in a high school and i really enjoy interacting with the kids they really do make every day different and more interesting so i am grateful for them but sometimes damnnn sometimes i wanna jump out the window especially with this third year class they are the class KNOWN for being a bitof a pain lol and sometimes i have to lead the class by myself lmaooo mid u ik im 20 but i dont look it and they certainly dont treat me like an adult or a teacher and ngl they are a bit disrespectful at times but also what are u gonna do they are 14 and i have no proper teaching experience to help them by myself i can only hope that im actuallt helping them learn english lol. it is quite difficult tho with my scottish accent to try and sound as clear as possible because i pronounce almost 100% of the vowel sounds differently than rp english which is what i think they are used to so i have to realllyyyy annunciate all my words and man is it tiring lol.

what else. im going to madrid this weekend with bestie and im really looking forward to having a relaxing and fun time but i still havent packed my bags looooooool i alwyas do this tho and its fine not a big deal at all but i def need to do it tonight cos im leaving tomorrow immediately after work so ill have to have an actual breakfast and take snacks with me. im really enjoying my time in spain or at least im trying to but i feel like i have pushed myself enough out my comfort zone to be able to look back on this and say yeah i really took advantage of that. like i think i need to be more personable (is that a word yes it is i used it right) in teaching and be more interactive with them and stuff also i feel like i shoulve arranged a language exchange sooner cos i think this will really help, and i need to interact more with the other assistant but the thing is is im just not a sociable personnnnnnn aghgh. any way cutting this short cos i need to pack my bags for my trupppppp

[dizzibell]

If you get this, answer w three random facts about yourself and send it to the last seven blogs in your notifs! Anon or not, doesn’t matter, let’s get to know the person behind the blog :)

i've had this in my inbox forever lmao i just have such a hard time thinking of facts to share. uhh lets see here

1. my name (dizzy) is derived from the username of the neopets account i made when i was ten, disney_gal_08. i recently got that account back so hmu on neopets if you want lmao. just dont look at my page too closely ok i havent updated it since i was 13

2. i have a pet snake! her name is Nelly, she's a snow morph corn snake, cute as can be :3

i bless you with her visage (this is when she was tinier)

3. i had a great uncle (never met him, no longer with us) who wrote songs for famous country music stars, who shares a full name with a totally different guy that also wrote for famous country music stars.

[lolothesilly]

to comment about your rss feed post- i never stopped using rss feeds, when google tried to strike them down and many large websites gave up i kinda was just out of the loop because i never use corporate stuff in the first place. so remembering that there are still places that use rss feeds like tumblr is important to getting people to migrate from phone models to legacy ones, but i think at the end of the day the greatest evil is all the ui changes that came with the smart phone i have a flip phone and my daily driver is my laptop i am never off of, theres so many ui differences in endless scroll feed based websites that the people on neocities RESENT and desperately do not want to emulate so i really hope people are happy with how small and cute and sincere it is right now and use ANOTHER website maker to do more of what that post was talking about. because neocities is a spiritual successor of geocities and the traditions of webrings and guestbooks and emailing people directly and following the breadcrums of links is all apart of the learning curve and to disrupt that for the lesser endless feed scroll model is going to get us back to what corporate hell has entrapped us in. since twitter migration started on tumblr nobody makes real blog posts, people are alergic to paragraphs and intimacy and sincerity. i just appreciate neocities for having that and being too desperate for EVEN MORE USERS when we already have so many scares me, i already got to get off of tumblr for the expansion reasons that made it unusable and out right dangerous for me as a queer person. theres benefits many in being obscure and small.

im sorry i cant tell if im having a hard time processing this ask or what, im not 100% sure what youre saying here but ill try to respond as best i can, sorry if i misinterpret anything!!

so like i definitly agree with the "allergic to paragraphs and intimacy and sincerity" thing, i was thinking about it more last night and i think its a good thing that neocities doesnt really lend itself as much to the short-form posts you see on tumblr and twitter. bc like. i remember when i was a kid/teen, that kind of shortform flow-of-consciousness posting was mostly found in:

chatrooms (chatzy, IRC, guestbooks, shoutboxes, etc)

early social media status updates (like on myspace or facebook, the "had starbucks today lol 😜" kind of stuff)

and like. the niche chatrooms used to fill is now mostly filled by discord (though i know discord has Problems and i Think ive heard of alternatives to it?? havent looked into that as much) but. i think neocities being a home for longer posts about your interests is SO valuable honestly and i want more people to embrace that kind of thing!!

i feel like theres a sort of craving that sites like tumblr or twitter currently fulfill (badly) of like. throwing your thoughts into the void. not necesarily looking for a discussion but like. idk. its like if you wrote in a journal and then turned the pages into paper airplanes and threw them out your window.

(actually i remember in the 10s there was this site... i forget what it was called but it was like an anonymous "email" sort of service but your emails just went to random other users? literally shouting into the void, knowing someone will hear but can not respond because its all anonymous. idk it was neat)

but yeah. sorry. this is disjointed im really just thinking out loud. i just miss personal sites and fansites and forums and chatboxes and IRC chats..... i miss the way we used to use the internet, the way we used to share things with each other....

as far as RSS and feeds go i dont think its really all that comparable to the endless scrolling hell we have on modern social media sites, but i DO think it might scratch the same brain-itch while being less destructive. its hard to doomscroll if your "feed" is literally just "new articles posted by your friends on their personal websites" instead of like, "10000 reblogs and 1000000 random things the algorithm has decided to show you", yknow? its like. home grown organic media. idk