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pluviophile-imagines · 3 years ago

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THE CAROLINE STORY OMG I REMEMBER THAT!!!!!! (tho i mostly learned abt it thanks to her extravaganza of that total scam workshop thing she tried to pull in like 2019) im also reminded of how soooo many "legendary” male directors—like quentin tarantino and george lucas—were totally CARRIED by female editors, who would go back through and like. make their movies into what we consider masterpieces today. obvi thats film rather than literature but v much applicable!

not to continue this rlly fucking long post but i have more opinions abt the fanfic discussion and im making it ur problem JKHSBDF i touched on it a little bit in my ask but..... the BIG different imo between beta readers in fandom vs editors in publishing is that editors do it professionally—they’re paid to read the books and tell you what needs to change. they’re rarely fans or friends prior to reading said book, and even if they are again reading the book IS THEIR JOB they are trained and paid to be brutal so that the book ultimately becomes better. whereas beta reading in fandom is...... more of a social thing??? they’re more often than not your friends, and in my experience most people want betas who aren’t going to absolutely tear up their work to help u build it back up again stronger. And don’t get me wrong! considering fanfic is a hobby i think that’s a perfectly reasonable thing; editing as rigorously as traditional publishing requires is A LOT more work and makes it very difficult to keep up with the sheer quantity that fandom tends to prioritize, and choosing not to edit so rigorously doent mean that the product can’t be a masterpiece anyway (i mean i dont edit that rigorously either!) but that is a big difference to note.

i AGREE abt the fanfic-to-pubbed-author pipeline it is SO interesting to me; fanfic has been around forever, it’s really only been since the advent of copyright that it’s been something to like. pointedly separate??? humans have been making stories & consuming stories & making stories influenced by the stories they consumed since the dawn of time it’s one of the universal things that makes us human. and i am of the opinion that once your work is out there...... its out there. what people take from it and interpret it as is up to them, no matter what kind of art you make. but back to the pipeline! i know i mentioned it with u before but theres this rlly big assumption, both from.... ~the outside word~ and from fandom, that published work is for “real” authors and if a fanfic author is “good enough” they’ll make the jump when like...... absolutely untrue. the only real difference between the two is that one is professional and one is for a hobby ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and anyone who’s really into either would probably be able to tell u that. the bell curve for both is probably v v similar; there’s some absolute shit that gets published and theres jaw-dropping masterpieces of fanfic. part of the fsog thing, imo, is that it happened to be a v mainstream yet VERY kinky erotica, and that has a lot of appeal for the middle aged housewife audience that doesnt do the fanfic thing—the fact that it is fanfic, at its core, doesn’t actually matter that much because fundamentally...... there’s not much of a big difference between fanfic and “real” work. despite what those true literature nuts claim, most published authors would agree JHBDFG and its only gonna be more and more and more common for popular authors to have grown up writing fanfic, it’s only natural. writers r gonna write & practice is the best way to hone any craft. idr where i was going with this anymore! i just find the topic rlly cool LMFAOOOOO

Tbh you bring up some rlly great points in ur response to that asker abt chonky chapters! but first, I will always jump into askboxes to remind people that their writing is for them first and foremost. if a reader finds longer work more intimidating, then it's on them to either brace themselves and read it anyway or look somewhere else. the benefit of the BNHA reader insert community in particular is that there are MANY other places to look! nobody's limited if they prefer longer fics or little drabbles, there's so many out there that it's impossible to read them all even if u absolutely refuse to read one type or another. And it goes the other way too! dont pressure urself to write more bc its what you think your fanbase wants—youre providing absolutely incredible work for free, write it how u wanna. anyway! all that out of the way, bc I also have some original fiction/manuscripts that I'm working on, and also bc comparing fanfic & fanfic writing to "real"/"traditional" fiction/publishing is a rlly cool topic that I enjoy discussing, i have some Opinions abt what you talked abt with bad writing habits. bc the BIGGEST thing that sets fanfic and "real" fiction apart is editing. simply put fanfic is never edited with the same vigorousness as a YA manuscript might be, even if you have many beta readers and you feel like your edits are massive. editing in traditional publishing is primarily the work of other people—an editor who is being paid to do so, sometimes even a team of them; beta readers and sensitivity readers who are also being paid to do so (the paid part is important, bc even tho we care about hobbies we arent doing them professionally!)—and v importantly, theres something you hear a lot from writers that from rough draft to print their work practically became multiple different books along the line. it's rigorous, it's practically half the total work & time put into working on a book these days. fanfic doesnt have that! i guess my point is that you're thinking that, like fanfic, the pressure of what to cut on the chopping block will come to you if/when you do make the jump to "real" writing, but it likely won't. you'd have editors to say "these parts dont matter as much, chop them" or "this is lengthy, cut it down" so your job is to do the work they tell u n trust them lmfao. ofc if you become a diva writer who bitches n moans n refuses to edit that's a different story (and frankly one that's becoming more common as fanfic authors start to break into the traditional publishing world, and writing esp in ya is v much suffering as a result imo) but. well. i dont believe thatll be a problem for u merm JKBAAKJHFS esp considering ur already thinking abt it as for accessibility...... first off one of the benefits of posting on ao3 as opposed to tumblr is that ao3 has a ton of scripts for users that can help with that. but you can always leave a little note in a chapter saying "hey, this is a good time for a break!" or something. or break it up differently! s'all up to you

either way ik ill eagerly read anything u put out 😌 whether its 10k or 30k or 100k, fanfic or original <333

Omg, Pluvi, i love you LMAO sdkjsdklfjh okay okay hang on, lemme squint at this for a bit.

I’ve always wondered if like, this unedited freedom is what’s given rise to the whole, worship-culture of long fics?? Okay, worship-culture isn’t the right term for what I want, but we’re gonna keep it for now — idk, because unless you’ve got a guaranteed audience to sell to or an editor who REALLY goes to bat for you, most publishers are gonna be leery of like, things over 100k???? The chonky-ass book trend has only been a relatively recent thing!!! I remember Tamora Pierce (one of my favourite childhood authors!!) saying that Harry Potter/Stinker (derogatory) really opened up the door to publishers being more willing to print big books, because it was proving that there was enough kids out there who would read them.

And on one hand, I feel like fandom sort of proves that that can be true for a general audience, too. Because you’ll come into a fandom and there’ll be someone going, “omg read this super popular Dramonie fic!! it’s 300k and will take a solid week off your life but it’s sooooo good!!!” (i am not a dramonie fan personally but that has also not stopped me from reading some of the single most popular fics in that ship — mostly because i was listening to a podcast one day that was like, two hours long and was an interview with a really popular Dramonie author who’s fics I kept seeing on tiktok being book-bound???? idk, it was interesting! She talked about how she would finish a chapter in a week (jealous) and then send it off to her army of betas and then post it via her phone while in service at Church LMAO dslksdkljdfk anyways). But then I wonder, like — is it less about length, and more about what you can explore when given the freedom to write whatever you want? And people just confuse length with that freedom? Because I have read some long, long, long fics that I can tell you right now were better off stopping like, 50k in LMAO. And I think being a storyteller (which we all are, really) means knowing when enough’s enough (i say, like my dumb ass isn’t planning an interconnected trilogy sdlkfjsdlkjf).

The fanfic-author-to-pubbed-author pipeline is FASCINATING lmao, because I always think of 50 Shades of Gray :’) Our Twilight-loving friend really said, “replace Edward and Bella’s names and hit print money” and it WORKED LDSKFJLDKSFJ. I guess… more so because it was just blatant erotica? I feel like fanfic is a really good example of the power of hornee LOL. But also that people… want it???? I dunno, the overlap is fascinating. I think a really interesting like, case study in the power of an editor/beta is the Caroline Calloway story, who is like, very, very, micro-ly infamous for like, being an early instagram “influencer” — she likes to say that she pioneered the “long caption” trend, because she (as an American citizen) went off to Oxford University and started using her instagram to like, chronicle the magic of those days — rowboating with Titled peers, spending a weekend in Italian with aristocrats and eating squid-ink pasta at midnight. She would have these long, long captions that were poetic and charming and she gathered a bit of a modest following because of it — and ended up scoring like, a 200k book deal from it? A book deal that she then reneged on because she couldn’t deliver the finished product — because her friend, Natalie, was ghostwriting said book, after editing the instagram captions for her. They’d had a falling out during the process of writing the book and it’s proposal though — so obviously, Natalie wasn’t ghostwriting anymore, and Caroline, under the influence of an addiction, couldn’t deliver. To this DAY, Caroline is STILL promising a book that she’s trying to self-publish, but she’s been promising (and has opened pre-orders) for it since like, 2019 LMAO. Okay, you know what, that actually has literally nothing to do with what we’re discussing here right now LMAO but idk.. it’s fun so I’ll leave it in sdlkfjsdlkfj. A neat little detour!!!

writing’s hard. :’) and i think i personally find it harder than it might actually be because — I worry about it like it’s my job, instead of something i do for fun LMAO. and, ultimately, i am a people pleaser at heart!!! i will only ever write the things i like, but i want the people who read them and like them too to like… idk, have fun doing it, LOL. it’s fine, this is fine. It’s interesting, because I didn’t have this pressure working on my manuscript — I just wrote the story I wanted to, and then the strictness came when I sat down to edit it the first time. I was on my second round of edits when i fell head-first into BNHA and haven’t looked back since :’) but it does need an overhaul; especially at the beginning. I just dread…. going back and doing it, lmao, because idk where to start with it. but i do need to do something with it, since i did love this idea, once, and believed in it pretty whole-heartedly!!! but also: My Hero Academia 😩 Bakugou. 😔 Bakugou, my beloved.

#pattering on the roof #pluvi's pals #also i totally feel u on the manuscript thing #i havent touched mine in........ probably almost two years #(i have three!)#(and one is actually a four book series)#(but i did NOT get much further than plotting them and writing a few scenes that rlly spoke to me)#but ive still been WRITING thanks to this blog more than i ever rlly have #and looking back isnt necessarily me cringing but rather i can see v plainly that my writing has improved a lot #and so if i do get in the mood to work on any of them again ill probably scrap what i have written anyway

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alfredolover119 · 4 years ago

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I looooove your zukka rec lists! I recently became Avatar-obsessed, never got a chance to watch it as a kid and only just got through it all! I was wondering if you'd consider doing a specifically angst rec list? I love fluffy zukka everything, but sometimes you just gotta have your heart ripped out of your chest and put back in after being thoroughly blended.

thank you! i relate heavily to “recently became Avatar-obsessed” haha. as for the angst list, i sure can try! warning: all of these have happy endings because im a crybaby who can’t read unhappy endings. also, p much all of the fics in the completed section were featured on my other lists but this is specifically the ANGSTY ones >:^)

angsty zukka wips

first, most obviously, feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe

-currently at 102k with 19/27 chapters posted; rated teen

-the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. the amnesia fic. you know. i haven’t actually read it yet because, as previously mentioned, i’m a crybaby and am waiting for it to finish up but, from my understanding, this fic will murder you in a dark alleyway with no remorse. if u like zukka angst, you’ve probably already read this, but just in case!

An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage. // But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends.

Yeah, nah.

and i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka

-currently 38k with 6/8 chapters posted; rated mature

-holy shit. holy SHIT. modern au based on the “my cat likes my fuckbuddy and i am falling in love” trope(?). maybe it’s just because of how the last chapter ended, but oh my god. this one made me cry. made me want to commit violence. when it’s not angsty as hell, it’s pretty funny, but holy shit. ao3 user nebulastucky please.

It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go. // But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again.

Violet Blossoms and Celestial Objects by @hollypunkers

-currently 15k with 2/? posted. rated teen.

-this is the sequel to blue (an angsty, zukka rewrite of book 2-- go read it if u havent!)! !! this is a book 3 rewrite. only two chapters in and mrs hollypunkers is really abusing the miscommunication tag, as zukka writers seem to enjoy doing. im excited to see how the world and story develops with the changes to the story! you should be too!! its very good! obviously spoilers for blue lmao

Having sided with the Avatar in Ba Sing Se, Zuko not only must navigate his new relationship with Sokka but returning to the Fire Nation as a banished enemy. His own journey of self discovery and personal growth must now coexist alongside the personal struggles of every other member of the Gaang as together they blaze a treacherous path toward an unsure victory against Zuko's own father and nation.

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka

-currently 71k with 9/11 chapters posted. rated teen

-swt ambassador zuko! soon to be chief sokka! fake dating ur best friend to get out of an arranged marriage! what could go wrong!!! i also haven’t read this one ((see: i’m a crybaby who is being hurt by too many zukka wips already)), but it has been hanging out in my marked for later for months. from what i understand, this fic has: angst.

With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? // Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

angsty zukka fics (completed!)

(i’ll put these in wc order)

lighthouse beam by @incorrectzukka

-7k, rated g

-a modern college au!! zuko’s inner-monologue is very angsty in this fic. typical zuko. also per usual, theyre both fucking dorks. they sort themselves out in the end, but not before The Angst. zuko is semi-deaf in this fic and also he has a bit of internalized homophobia.

Sokka’s breathtakingly beautiful and he’s smart and makes other people laugh. Zuko has a half-burnt face and a deaf ear. It’s not rocket science. // Or, Zuko falls in love with the boy in his Philosophy class.

This Isn’t My Idea of Fun by @khaleeseas

-9k, explicit

-moon spirit/nwt prince!sokka, no war to be found here! admittedly this isnt THAT angsty but like. the angst IS present. zuko is still the prince. a lovely childhood friends (though they hated each other for a minute haha) to lovers story.

If you asked Zuko, he and Azula saw far too much of Chief Hakoda of the Northern Water Tribe’s children growing up. It wasn’t until they were older, and Azula pointed out that - duh - their families were trying to set them all up, that he realized why. // He was told by his mother to be polite. These people were their friends and allies, and though their nations were as different as they came, harmony between nations was the most important thing. // It wasn’t his fault the Chief’s children were so annoying.

put your lips close to mine (as long as they don’t touch) by @celestialceci

-9k, teen

-modern au! zuko and sokka are college roommates. zuko goes to spend the summer with sokka. again,, not really that angsty but-- its there!! the detail and feeling of Home in this story make me happy. zuko is insecure as hell here too. if ur into that.

Zuko hates his home. He likes college alright, but he likes Sokka even better, his assigned roommate turned best friend. Spending the summer with Sokka will be fun, a welcome change of pace he desperately wants. It probably won't awaken anything in him... right?

the thing about dancing by anodymalion

-9k, teen

-yes. this one right here officer. it makes my heart ache. also trans sokka! which is cool. but the zuko angst in this one. hurts me. not so much relationship angst as it is zuko learning he deserves happiness angst. i’m sure u know The Type.

The first time a attendant spills Zuko’s tea and doesn’t immediately fall to her knees, begging the Fire Lord’s forgiveness, it is not anger but a resounding warmth that fills his chest.

i could (never) give you peace by @zukkababey

-10k, mature

-OUCH. OUCH OUCH OUCH. boys please learn to communicate im begging u. also zuko.. zuko, dude. as the tags of the fic say, hes “really going through it” in this one. YOUCH. post-canon.

Zuko almost said it. He almost said the words I think I’m in love with you, but he choked them back down at the last second. // Zuko would never be able to be what Sokka wanted. They might have needed each other during the summer, when two boys with too much weight on their shoulders found comfort in each other in the only way they knew how. // But now Zuko was Fire Lord, and Sokka was leaving.

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) by @meliebee

-18k, teen, major character death

-i lied. THIS is the one, officer. found family.. good mai and zuko and toph friendships.. . ozai escapes prison and tries to overthrow zuko. OBVIOUSLY angst ensues. poor boy. he Does heal in this but it gets worse before it gets better. angst angst angst angst.

Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

Anything for You by beersforqueers

-23k, explicit

-istg. this is probably one of my favorite zukka fics. its PAINFUL. modern au where theyre broken up but sokka hasnt told his family yet so zuko goes home with him for kataang wedding. a bit smutty, but the plot oh my god ohgm y fuvk. made me cry the first time i read it. (see: crybaby!me) insert that one picture of the horse with the caption PAIN.

In which Sokka and Zuko have broken up but Sokka hasn't told his family yet. So when Katara and Aang's wedding weekend rolls around and he doesn't want to break Gran-Gran's heart, he asks Zuko to pretend to be his boyfriend for one last weekend. // Things don't go as planned.

Moving Mountains by @thefangirlingdead

-64k, mature

-so. when i read this the first time it was in one sitting. soulmate au set within canon era / the comics, to an extent. soulmates can hear each others thoughts. i will happily say this is slowburn, jesus christ. champagne without the cham.

Soulmates are chosen by the spirits and can hear each other’s thoughts. Sokka thinks it’s cheesy and dumb. Zuko thinks it’s poetic justice that he doesn’t have one because he doesn’t deserve it. Cruel irony is finding out that the prince of the Fire Nation (and the person currently hunting you) is your soulmate.

In the Soft Light by @voidcenturyscholar and @romancedawning

-83k, teen, graphic depictions of violence

-moon spirit!sokka living in the northern water tribe. zuko is sent to the northern water tribe as a cultural liaison. iroh is the fire lord but while he is away taking care of lu ten after his injury ozai steps up. i cannot express how many emotions this fic made me feel. background yuetara. i would almost say found family?? but. anyway. plenty of angst to spare here with a healthy dose of enemies to friends to lovers.

As the newly appointed cultural liaison to Northern Water Tribe, Zuko is the first Fire Nation Citizen to step foot inside the city's walls in nearly a century. He's determined to prove himself—to the Fire Lord and to his father—even if the Water Tribe's spirit-touched prince seems to want nothing to do with him.

That Midnight Sky by @zukkababey

-103k, teen

-now now now. tms... modern college au where sokka agrees to tutor zuko in physics because zuko has to maintain straight a’s and physics is just not doing it for him. so. thats cool but THEN azula moves in, randomly, with zuko. to hide the fact that sokka is tutoring zuko, they fake date! what could go wrong!! the mutual pining in here combined with the angst... wonderful, tasty. everyone read it rn. also SLOWBURN

In Zuko’s strict family, needing a tutor is just about the worst thing you could do. Failing a class, however, is even worse. The only rational solution? Take up Aang on his offer to find him a physics tutor and have Sokka—beautiful, smart, handsome Sokka—tutor him in secret. // When Azula’s arrival threatens to reveal Zuko’s secret, it’s up to Sokka to convince her this definitely isn’t what it looks like. See, he’s actually… Zuko’s… boyfriend? // Hmm. There’s no way this could get complicated, right?

#zukka #zuko #sokka #angst #zukka angst #atla #avatar: the last airbender #fic recs #zukka fic recs

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berlanee · 4 years ago

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Hello peeopleeee! How's corona life going? It's still fucked up so we shouldn't even talk about it but anyways..I'm here with a new imagine for aron and I really like the idea of it (I stole it from a tv show but wtvr) hope you guys like it as well. For my last imagine I got like over 20 likes that might be not enough but it's still something very important for me :) hope I get the same reaction for this one as well ✌ stay in peace.

Today was definetely a remarkable day considering it was Arón's 23rd birthday bash, and knowing him and his love for partying you knew it was going to be a hell of a night.

Obviously you were right because everybody had gathered around 8pm and it was 2am right now, throughout all the 6 hours all you guys ever did was drink and dance like the world was coming to an end.

As the club was starting to become less crowded the voices around you was beginning to echo and it was already getting in your head, thankfully the rest of the group decided they were tired enough to get the fuck out of this place and leave.

"Chico!" Miguel yelled. Pulling Arón into an hug.

"Now that your 23 we should check out the plane thing, don't you think?" He said with a cheeky smile. Sometimes they can be really disgusting you thought.

"I thought I had to be 24?" Arón asked sarcastically.

"You need another year to grow some things into size?"

"Fuck off"

With that everybody just broke into a laughter, being drunk and surrounded by these lot was definetely something wild. They really knew how to have fun and make others have fun.

💫

You and Arón were walking down the street where your car was parked, he was a little bit more drunk than you were so you insisted that you will drop him off and make sure he doesn't get himself into something.

The rest of the group aparted and left to a different direction where their cars were located. So it was just you and Arón alone. You were meaning to give him something since the beginning of the night but you never really had the moment with him. As you were drowning down in your thoughts Arón pulled you back.

"Hey can we sit down for a minute? I think I'm spinning" he said.

"Yeah sure" you said immediately. Sitting down with him on the stone steps you guys were walking down to the car park.

"I feel like I am pregnant with beer right now" he said while laughing and leaning back on to the stairs.

"You should pee. It might make you feel less pregnant"

"Yeah? It'll give me more time before I hit the final month right?"

"Okay enough with the pregnancy jokes" you said while grinning.

"By the way, I couldn't really say this back in the club because it was very loud and crowded and I couldn't catch a moment with you but...happy birthday" you said continuing.

"Thank you" he said while smiling warmly looking directly into your eyes. This was intimidating. You could feel the heat in you face rising.

There was something special between you two that you were never really able to give a label to it because you weren't sure what to call it. But it was distinctive. You didn't have this type of feeling in your stomach when you were with the other boys.

"Actually..Danna told me that you got me something very special for my birthday but I havent received anything yet" he said breaking through the last topic.

"Fucking Danna"

"What? She was being nice and informing me about the specialty of it" he said while ducking his lips like he always does with them.

"So can I have my present please?"

"Okay then.." You said and opened your handbag and grabbed the already wrapped object. It wasn't very big so you placed it in your bag but debated of you should give it to him. It wasn't a very common birthday present.

You handed him the present and attached your hand and stared fiddling with them while he was observing the wrapping and probably trying to figure out what it was.

"My present is probably the most outsider out of all the other ones you got tonight and probably the most simplest"

He was starting to peel of the wrapping and was almost done unpackaging.

"I thought about this for a while and was left with blank ideas because I didn't really know what to get a man who owns everything in the world so..." You said with a quite voice until he once again distrubted you.

"So you got me the world?" He said finishing your word.

He pulled out the world lampside and held it. It looked so simple yet fascinating, the light inside the lamp was automatic so it immeadialty lit up with the touch of his fingers. He looked mesmerized.

"Do you like it?" You asked hoping he did.

"Wow, uhmm I wasn't expecting this" he said while still observing the world in his hand.

"I actually thought it was quite weird considering how the others brought like super expensive stuff and here is me gifting you the world" your voice volume came down as you finished your sentence.

"I didn't want to give you something you already had or something that was just pleasing to the eye, I wanted to give you the world so you can put anything you want inside it..not others deciding what you should have or put into your world"

He looked up, and placed his eyes right on mine. There was spark in his eyes like it was glowing. Once again you realised that he had ravishing eyes.

"This is probably the most meaningful and worthy thing I've received in my life...you are very fascinating because you think this isn't enough but this is luminous and more than just a birthday gift"

"I'm really happy that you like it"

"How could I not? You literally just gave me the world into my hands"

With that you both became quite and just stated into each other. Maybe this is the right moment you should finally have a catch at? It's not always this intense and gleaming around the you two this was a first, you never get to be alone with each other with your minds also being empty and less heavy with thoughts ruining the atmosphere.

He leaned in and left his lips on yours. Finally it was happening, this might sound weird but you imagined about this since they day you met because there was something magnetic about him that pulled you to him.

It was a couple of seconds of feeling his warth on your lips, the weather was breezy so you felt that warmth radiating through your whole body, it was intriguing. As your lips deattached from one other you felt the wind sprinting through the gap between your chin.

"I think your right, I should be the one to put the important things in my world not others deciding it for me" he said without catching a breath.

"Will you come into my world then?"

"I'm not going to be guest in your world am I?"

He clicked his tounge indicating that it was a no.

"You might become it"

"Then you'll have to come into mine, I don't like being selfish. If i get a world then I give a world"

"Bienvenidos cariño"

"Bienvenidas amor"

#aron x reader #aron imagine #aron piper imagine #aron piper #fanfiction #elite #elites1 #elites2 #elites3 #andermunoz #imagine #spanish series #netflix #ester exposito #danna paola #itzan escamilla #omar ayuso #omander

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societysoutcome · 3 years ago

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get on your hands and knees and pray for us

life is weird. i am back at school. i still do not really have like a set group of friends or really any friends at all. i have girls i sit with in class but i really do not think i relate to any of them that much or at all, maybe relate but we have no common interests. classes are too bad right now grades are good enough the friend thing is the biggest worry and it sucks. i dont really leave my room but it is hard to make friends when greek life is really big at this school and i do not care about it. also this town just sucks except the record stores are pretty cool. i miss my friends at home and i miss working. i dont like just sitting around and worrying about money but at the same time when i have a job i cant go home when i want and my work load for classes can be a lot at times. i keep in touch with most people. blanks from work and some people from school. journalism major is annoying me hardcore leading on him on so hard but constantly talking about this other guy. ugh guys right now are a whole other story. i have been thinking about him so much lately and it is probably because of how alone i am right now. i found his instagrams and his phone number which makes me sound like a stalker and maybe i am but i legit think about him almost daily. i think about texting him or sending him a dm pretty much everyday and then i talk myself out of it because i dont want to be that girl who reaches out to their ex from almost 4 years ago, if i can even call him my ex. i decided to do manifest if i should text him based on the tik tok trend. i thought of a random car and two random colors. if i saw an orange jeep i would text him and if i saw a purple jeep i would leave it alone. without even realizing it, i remembered his favorite color used to be orange many years ago, mine is purple, and his mother used to drive a jeep. since coming to school, i have seen around 6 orange jeeps and no purple jeeps. one of the blanks says it is just because i am looking for it and its always on my mind which is true but when was the last time you just saw a purple or orange jeep because before i did this i had never seen one but when i was home i saw a purple jeep after i had already seen 3 orange ones. idk maybe it is just because of the area i am in. then there is this new guy. he goes to a different school and is a few years older than i am and is about to graduate. its weird talking to him but like a new and good weird but i always get nervous talking to new guys because i am bigger and guys dont normally like the bigger girls. that was always my biggest fear when i was dating him. yes we had basically grown up together but i dont like people looking at me like that. this new guy seems really nice and everything and a little nerdy and a lil stoner but of course my ass is nervous he is short because i like tall guys but we have been talking for almost a month now. i havent even talked to any other guys lately either which isnt weird but is new since coming to school. i havent really thought about the guy from work much but whenever he posts on hsi story i feel the need to check it right away. same thing about the tall one i dont know what else to call him. i have been in love with this guy since like junior year i stg and i thought he had a little crush on me but he is in love with journalism girl. i dont know what to do really with anything anymore. im bored all of the time and dont want to spend money but i always spend money when im bored and i want attention and to lose weight and i am probably going to do none of it. life is really weird for me right now i dunno anymore.

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bottomlwjrights · 4 years ago

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MO DAO ZU SHI REREAD:Thoughts™️....and Stuff

Chapter 40

“They should’ve been able to talk, to say who they were, to shout for help. However, the awful thing was that somebody had cut all of their tongues off before this.” In case i havent said it enough, i hate Xue Yang!!!!

I dont have anything funny or witty to say, this whole situation is just sad

“She instinctively hated him and refused to settle. And so, whenever Xue Yang went out night-hunting with Xiao XingChen, she’d secretly follow them. Even when they were in the same house, she didn’t lower her guard.” She lived constantly on guard for, what, years?

Nobody told xxc stories when he was a kid, which I believe to be a crime

The first disciple to leave the mountain, YanLing DaoRen, was an excellent and renowned cultivator, but suddenly became a villian for some unknown reason and died under thousands of swords, according to xxc (parallels wwx a little)

“‘The second disciple was a girl and also very outstanding.’ Wei WuXian’s chest felt warm. She was ZangSe SanRen.” 🥺

“How would an outstanding and beautiful cultivator settle on a servant. This story’s so cliche. It’s probably made up by some poor scholar.” Oh little A-Qing... (wait this mirrors lwj and wwx’s love story, except of course the death part, because in my eyes they just cultivate to immortality and live happily ever after, together forever)

Shut up, wwx, you’re not a villain

Xxc describing sl makes me uuuh wanna cry “A very good friend of mine.” “A sincere man of noble nature.”

Shut the fuck up Xue Yang, no body cares

SHUT UP XXC CARRIED A-QING TO BED THATS ADORABLE 🥺 BIG BRO XINGCHEN EVEN TUCKED HER IN

Shut up!!!! He went and got her candy!!!! And then gave her candy everyday!!!!

Sl said to A-Qing the exact same the xxc said to her, like almost word for word... hold i...

Also note that wwx said they must have been very good friends to be so much alike

Why did he hesitate???

“Song Lan answered straight away, ‘His height is similar to mine. His appearance is rather fine. His sword is carved with patterns of frost.’” Dont ask why this drove me crazy

Sl was looking for xxc for years....

“For some reason, Song Lan’s face was extremely pale. He stared at the door of the coffin home, as if he would rush inside if he could, but was too scared to do so.”

“The instant he heard the [xxc’s] voice, Song Lan’s hands trembled so much that A-Qing could clearly see it.”

Sl was so angry his entire body was shaking

Xy is disgusting

After the attack of Baixue temple, while injured, sl said some nasty things to xxc....sounds alot like the aftermath of Nightless City....

“Who was the one who said ‘from now on, we won’t need to meet again’? Wasn’t it you, Daozhang Song? He listened to your request and disappeared after he dug out his eyes for you, but why have you come to him now?” Shut up shut up shut up

Fuck Xue Yang!!!!

“Song Lan looked down at Shuanghua’s blade, which penetrated his heart, then slowly looked up again. He saw Xiao XingChen, who calmly held the sword.” Im gonna cry

“Slowly, Song Lan fell to his knees before Xiao XingChen.” Yup im crying

“At such a time, if Song Lan passed his sword to Xiao XingChen’s hands, Xiao XingChen would’ve immediately known who he was. He’d be able to recognize the sword of his closest friend with just a touch.” He would have known sl’s sword by just a touch....

Sl didnt pass his sword to xxc so that he didnt have to bear the burden of knowing he killed him.....

“...large drops of tears rolled from her eyes. Although she was scared, A-Qing reached out to close Song Lan’s eyes. She then kneeled in front of him and put her palms together, ‘Daozhang, please don’t blame me or the other daozhang.’”

She kowtowed in front of sl’s body....

A-Qing is smart and quick witted, pulling such a fast lie like that

“Cut a few dozens of times on her face so that she’ll never have the guts to go outside again.” 😧

How xy can say something like that and then offer up a plate of bunny shaped apple slices that he cut himself is beyond me

“Looking at the plate of cute, delicate slices, disgust filled both A-Qing’s and Wei WuXian’s hearts.” Yeah me too

(Chapter 41 & Chapter 42 below the cut)

Chapter 41

A-Qing didnt wanna tell xxc about sl...

“The blood grew more and more and eventually leaked through the bandages, trickling down from where his eyes once were.” God he’s crying ....

“Originally, the injury of his eyes would bleed whenever he had excessive thoughts or emotions, but it hadn’t recurred in quite a long while.” I hate this

“...after Xiao XingChen managed to calm down, he told A-Qing, ‘A-Qing, run away.’” I hate this so much

“I can’t go. I need to find out what exactly he’s trying to do...If I left him here alone, I’m afraid that the people of Yi City would sink into his hands.” Y’all gotta stop with this selfless,self sacrificing, being a good caring person shit man, its okay to save yourselves sometimes

“A-Qing’s sobs weren’t faked anymore. She tossed the bamboo pole to the side and clung to Xiao XingChen’s leg...”

“Xiao XingChen asked coldly, ‘Was it fun?’ Xue Yang took another bite into the apple that was still in his hand. He only replied after calmly chewing for a while and swallowing the fruit, ‘Yes. Of course it was fun.’” I hate him

Even the idea that xy did all this because he was bored...

“My finger was my own, while those lives were other peoples’. They wouldn’t be equal no matter how many lives I killed. It was only around fifty. How could it have possibly been equal to one of my fingers?” I cannot even begin to express my disgust...

This is all so sad....

“… Is that you, ZiChen?”

“Even if the two swords had just clashed, Xiao XingChen should be able to tell who the other was from only the strength of the attack...He turned around slowly and reached out a quivering hand, feeling for the blade of Song Lan’s sword.”

“… ZiChen… Daozhang Song… Daozhang Song… Is that you…?” Im crying again

And he’s crying nonstop

“… What happened…? Say something…”

“Xiao XingChen stood blankly in front of Song Lan. Putting his hands on his head, he wailed as though he was ripping his chest apart.” I cant handle this shit im about to stop reading

Fuck you, Xue Yang

“At this moment, Wei WuXian saw himself in Xiao XingChen. Him, who failed miserably as he stood drenched in blood, who couldn’t do anything except silently acknowledge the critiques and accusations, who was wholly beyond hope, who could only cry in despair!” Yeah i didnt need that in the middle of all this

“He could only whimper in pain, ‘Please. Let me go.’” Im really going through it

They all died in such horrific ways

Thank goodness thats over!!!!

Chapter 42

Wwx really implied that xy killed Chang Ping as revenge for xxc huh....wow no

Even in death, A-Qing is brave. Thank you for your contribution in ending that mf

Lwj cuts off xy’s arm when he reaches towards wwx

There was so much blood on the ground that wwx almost slipped in it, gross

Lmao i didnt think lwj would be the one to just toss a pouch to someone but here we are

Wn just squatting on the ground, chillin

Okay yanno what im still confused as hell as to why the juniors were lead to yi city...

God that makes me so angry, Xue Yang keeping the piece of candy for years and holding onto it when he died, like even the idea that he liked xxc and still decided to torture him to death good lord

“Lifting up the hem of his robes, Lan WangJi stepped over the high threshold in an elegant manner, then nodded.” Wwx just looks at lwj do literally anything and is just like “he’s so elegant 😍 so graceful 🥰 look at my lan zhan, so pretty 🥰😍🥰”

“When he wakes, say I’m sorry, it wasn’t your fault.” Wow....

“He still wore the dark cultivation robes. Standing alone, he carried two swords, Shuanghua and Fuxue, he brought two souls, Xiao XingChen and A-Qing, and walked another path.” Wow.... i wish for you the best, Song Lan

Lsz standing and wondering if xxc and sl would ever meet again....

I agree with jl, death is too light of a punishment for xy

Lmfnck ljy cried the loudest out of everyone sjnckck

The juniors light incense and burning paper money for them 🥺 they’re so sweet

ItS nOt lIkE yOuVE DiEd HoW wOuLd YoU KnOw iF DeaD pEoPle ReCiEve PaPeR MonEY

PLEASE WATCH YOUR MOUTH JINGYI

“How come? Was I really that much of a failure? Was there not a single person who burned paper money for me? Was it really because nobody burned them that I didn’t receive any?” STOOOOOP

“Looking at his calm face, Wei WuXian thought to himself, Really? Had he really not burnt anything?!” Okay i don’t remember if he actually did or not but nonetheless this shit hurted

The hunter was probably the same person who lead them together to yi city with the corpses, BUT WHY THO

Awwww wwx happy to see Lil Apple

Stop teasing jl, wwx, its not nice

Even though the lookout towers are a good idea, and benefit smaller more remote towns, i cant help but wonder if there was some kind of ulterior motive behind them

“Almost all of the dishes were covered in red. Paying attention to Lan WangJi’s chopsticks, he notes that he ate mostly from the milder dishes, rarely the bright-red ones. Even when he did, his expression remained the exact same. Wei WuXian felt something tug at his heart.” uGGgGgGHhHhH

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ahtohallan-calling · 5 years ago

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chapter 5 of don’t read the last page is here!

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

He’d put the phone down on the counter while he made breakfast, but now that his hands were free again he still didn’t pick it up; after their initial awkward phone call, they’d started FaceTiming instead, and as much as he loved seeing her face, he was really glad she couldn’t see his right now.

“And I was soo confused, so I started telling her, like, ‘Seriously, Honey, he’s got this amazing blond hair that you just like, want to touch all the time and these big brown eyes and little freckles and plus I’m pretty sure he’s kind of ripped and I—‘ Kristoff, I heard the microwave go off already. Are you hiding from me?”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder.

chapter 5

day 1

Sven was just stumbling into the kitchen when Kristoff came in. He frowned, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“You look really happy for someone who just dropped off their girlfriend at the airport for a six-week trip,” he said, pouring a glass of chocolate milk.

“Not my girlfriend.”

“Not the important part of that sentence.”

Kristoff snagged the bottle and poured himself a cup. “This is mine, by the way, so you owe me.”

“Fine, I’ll buy toilet paper l-- no, I know you, Bjorgman, you’re trying to distract me.”

Sven narrowed his eyes further, fixing Kristoff with a hard stare. He tried to look as innocent as possible as he went to rummage through the fridge, but then he remembered the way Anna had clung to him, the feel of her little hands in his hair, the press of her lips against--

“Oh my god! You kissed her!”

Kristoff stood, not bothering to hide his smile anymore. “Well, technically, she kissed me.”

“I fucking called it, man, I knew you wouldn’t be able to hold off that much longer.”

“We really did try.”

“You didn’t even make it a week, my guy,” Sven said amiably, meandering into the living room. “You tried harder at Mario Kart the other night. Which, by the way, I know you lost on purpose so Anna could win.”

Kristoff considered arguing, but then his phone lit up with a text from Anna, so instead he grinned and walked away to the sound of Sven sighing dramatically. “I heard that buzz! I know it’s her! Jesus, I’d say get a room, but--”

Kristoff didn’t hear the rest as he shut his bedroom door.

kris!! theres wifi i can text you

Im in first class look

That’s crazy

They gave you champagne this early in the morning?

supposed to be for mimosas

but it’s like 5 o clock somewhere

specifically romania so

That jet lag is going to be rough.

How long is your flight?

10 hrs to london then 3 to bucharest💀

but i think my seat turns into a bed so ill try to sleep

theres sooooo many movies tho!

omg theyre bringing more snacks….i feel like a movie star already

You kind of are.

havent made the movie yet!!

oh the director is here he wants to talk ttyl

---

day 4

For some reason, her hands were shaking as they hovered over the green button. “Just do it, Anna,” she muttered to herself. “It’s just Kristoff. He told you to call.”

Thanks to the time difference and long flights, it had taken most of two days to even get here, and on her first full day in Romania she’d been so overwhelmed with the film set and meeting her co-star Adam and talking to the directors and producers and costumers and cameramen that she’d completely crashed the moment she’d gotten back to her hotel room. She’d woken up in the middle of the night and sent Kristoff a quick text apologizing for not calling; he’d responded almost immediately, reassuring her that it was fine and to just call him the next day. At a reasonable hour, he’d made sure to add, not at 2 A.M. Go back to sleep.

She had, and then she’d nearly missed her alarm and hadn’t had time to call him in the morning, and then she’d been filming her first scene and been so overwhelmed by all of that that now it was nearly six o’clock, and it was the first time she’d gotten to look at her phone all day.

He’d texted her once at around 9 A.M. her time. Good luck today! You’ll kill it. Her heart had done a funny little flip at the message, simple as it was; every time she thought of Kristoff, it didn’t feel quite real, like it was just a daydream she would wake up from, but here it was, concrete proof that even literally halfway around the world-- more than halfway, actually-- he was still thinking of her, still caring about her.

The remembrance of that was what finally gave her the courage to hit call. She felt too nervous to FaceTime him, especially considering she was already in sweatpants and halfway through eating a bowl of pasta on her bed. He picked up on the third ring, sounding breathless for some reason.

“Hey! Anna! How are you?”

“I’m, um, I’m good! How are you? You sound kind of...out of breath?”

“Oh, yeah, you caught me at the gym, so I--”

“Oh! I’m so sorry, let me hang up and--”

“No, don’t! I’m almost done, just--”

There was a quick beep in the background, and a whirring noise she hadn’t noticed until now stopped. “Okay, sorry, we’re good.”

She couldn’t help but imagine what he looked like right now, with his hair hanging in his eyes and sweat dripping down his very well-muscled--

“Anna? You there?”

He’d just asked her something, but she’d been too busy daydreaming to catch it. Maybe it really was for the best she hadn’t gone for FaceTime; she probably would have been struck speechless at the sight of him. “Sorry, I was just-- sorry. Um. What did you say?”

He laughed softly. “I asked how your first day of filming went.”

“Oh! It was good, really good, actually. We filmed that scene I auditioned with, actually. They changed the bit about the cowboy boots.”

“Thank god. I don’t know anything about movies, but I know that was awful.”

“Oh, yeah, Adam-- that’s who’s playing Jesse-- he said they’d have to double his paycheck if they wanted him to say shit like that, and then we kind of improv-ed something else and it went really well.”

“That’s awesome!”

Anna felt herself blushing, just barely, at the sound of the genuine pride in his voice. “It was, um, it was nothing, really.”

“So how’s all of it going? Are the...um...honestly, I don’t know who all is involved in making movies. But are the other people nice?”

“Yeah! I really like the girl who does my hair and makeup, her name’s Honey. Isn’t that cute?”

Kristoff laughed; she could hear him starting the car in the background. Anna bit her lip. “Oh-- did you get to shower?”

“I will at home, don’t worry. Anyway--”

“You need to focus on driving? Yeah, I totally get it, seriously. Bye!”

She hit the red button and quickly dropped her phone. Her heart had been pounding the whole time; god, she was really out of practice with this whole thing. Embarrassment swept over her, and she buried her face in her knees; how the hell was this going to work when she was too self-conscious to talk to him for more than five minutes? God, she’d be lucky if he ever bothered to call her again after this.

To her surprise, the phone buzzed only a moment later. She debated picking it up for a long moment, then decided to go ahead and rip the bandaid off and snatched it up.

Just FYI, I was feeling really nervous, too. Want me to call you back after I get home and shower?

For some reason, tears started to fill her eyes as she typed a response.

yes please :)

She showered, too, taking her time as she let the hot water work its magic on the tension in her shoulders, drawing in slow, deep breaths to steady herself. It wasn’t that every guy she’d ever dated had been bad, per se, just that it had been quite a long time since she’d been with someone who made her feel this nervous and excited and terrified and joyful all at once-- actually, now that she thought about it, she didn’t know if she’d ever liked someone else this much right off the bat. Since coming to L.A. almost two years ago, she’d had a string of bad luck with men, and it was strange readjusting to the notion that one would want to talk to her as much as she wanted to talk to him, that he actually wanted to hear about her day, that he saw right through all her embarrassing little defense mechanisms and somehow knew just what to say to make her feel better. Of course they knew each other, but this was something different, something more, as if she didn’t even have to say something for him to understand.

Her phone buzzed again ten minutes after she got out of the shower; with a smile, she picked it up.

“Hey, Kris.”

“Hey, Anna.”

“Ready to try again?”

“With you? Always.”

---

day 9

“So I was telling her, like, ‘I wish I had a recent picture of him to show you because he’s like, super super hot.’ And she kind of made this face and was like ‘that won’t make a difference.’”

“No,” he muttered, his face turning even redder.

Anna giggled. “Then show me your face.”

He did so reluctantly; to his surprise, she didn’t laugh. “Kris, you know you are, like, super handsome, right? Seriously.”

“I’m, um, I’m just gonna—“

“I mean it. Like I get why you’re feeling shy about it and stuff but just know that, okay?”

He only nodded, feeling a little better, although his face was still heated. Anna, knowing when to leave well enough alone, smiled at him and continued her story. “Anyway, I told her all that and she just started laughing, and finally when I was done she was like ‘Anna, I’m gay’. And so then I showed her a picture of my sister, and I’m just saying, when we’re back in LA, we’re definitely doing a double date.”

—-

day 15

She didn’t know why she felt so nervous about telling him about it. She’d already texted him that morning telling him what scenes they were filming, and it wasn’t like it had meant anything; it was just part of the movie, and Adam was married anyway— but then again, it wasn’t that part that had really been bothering her. She still wasn’t sure until she was explaining it all to Kristoff, forcing herself to maintain eye contact as she held up her phone inside the blanket nest she’d constructed on her bed.

“And like, he and I are good friends now, so that at least made it easier. And we were all in character and stuff, so, you know, it felt right, and then they started the fake snow going and we just did it, you know?”

“Uh-huh,” Kristoff said, his voice neutral.

“That like— this doesn’t bother you, right?” she asked quickly. “Because seriously, it didn’t mean—“

“Anna, I know. This is literally your job, I’m not jealous or anything. But please tell me if I ever make you feel like I’m mad or something, because I’m seriously not.”

She let out the breath she’d been holding. “I— I know. I just...wanted to make sure. Because it still, like...still felt weird to me, you know? And I can’t figure out why.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Have you done this before? Like, stage kissing and stuff?”

“Oh, yeah, lots of times. But this time felt kind of different. I just don’t know why.”

He considered it for a moment, looking so thoughtful she couldn’t help but smile, feeling a little flutter in her chest at the thought that he really and truly cared about helping her figure this out. “Enough about me, though, tell me about that crazy to-go order you texted me about. Did you end up getting to see the person who’d ordered it?”

They talked for so long Anna lost track of time, until she yawned so widely Kristoff stopped talking mid-sentence.

“Anna, what time is it there?”

“Um...close to eleven?”

“What time did you get up this morning?”

“...four.”

He laughed softly. “Get some sleep. I’ll talk to you again tomorrow morning, okay?”

She wanted to argue, but honestly she’d been fighting to keep her eyes open for the last half hour. “Night, Kris.”

“Night, Anna. Sweet dreams.”

He said that every night, but the way he’d smiled tonight— she was thinking about it until long after she’d hung up her phone and closed her eyes. Then, suddenly, she sat upright and snatched it up again, typing furiously.

figured it out...before, there’s never been someone i ACTUALLY wanted to kiss instead

I wish it had been me, too.

—

day 21

hey kris!!! sorry i know it’s the middle of the night there so i hope this doesn’t wake you up but i set an alarm on my phone for the exact time and as of like 10 seconds ago we’re halfway there!!!!!!! 😊😊😊

To her surprise, a response came just a few minutes later.

:) Knew we could do this.

—

day 23

“I got my class schedule today.”

“Yeah? Show me!”

He held it up awkwardly to the camera, and she squinted at it. “Oh, wow, that’s a lot of blocks. Are you still going to work at Starbucks?”

“Yeah, I’ve been there the whole time I’ve been in school. Just work less hours on weekdays, usually pick up some early morning weekend shifts.”

“Oh, that sucks.”

He shrugged. “It works out. I, uh, I’ve got some scholarships that cover most of my tuition, so then it’s, y’know. Rent money and stuff.”

Anna frowned, feeling suddenly acutely aware of how much money she was making for a lot less work. “Will you have, like...any free time?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” he said quickly, suddenly sounding nervous. “I promise I’ll still have time to hang out with you and stuff, just--”

“No, no that’s like-- shit, that’s not what I meant, Kris, I mean I kind of did but like-- I’m not trying to like, pressure you or--”

“No, I get it, I--”

“No, I mean like school is way important and you like--”

“Seriously, when I say we can--”

Anna took a deep breath. “Okay. You talk first.”

“I, um. I don’t want you to think, like, I won’t make time for you or something, though. Um-- that was all.”

She smiled, wishing she could be there in person; it was so much easier to reassure him when she could just squeeze his hand. “Seriously, that’s not what I meant. I was just worried about you, ‘cause that’s, like, a lot of stress. So if there’s anything I can do to like, help or whatever, just...just let me know. Like...with anything.”

“Seriously, I think it’ll help a ton to just have a pretty girl keeping me company while I study.”

She felt her cheeks turn pink. “What if I end up wanting to distract you?”

Now she wasn’t the only one blushing.

---

day 30

“Miss you.”

“Miss you, too.”

Tonight, there wasn’t really anything else to say.

—-

day 34

He’d stopped leaving his phone on silent overnight; it was silly, really, but he always had a tiny fear that maybe something would happen over in Romania while he was asleep, and maybe Anna would need to reach him, and there probably wouldn’t be anything he could actually do...but still.

Despite that, though, it still took a lot to wake him, so when his phone went off one night close to three in the morning, he nearly missed the call. “Hello?” he mumbled sleepily, putting it to his ear.

He heard a familiar little giggle. “It’s FaceTime, Kris. I’m sorry to wake you up, I just-- I really wanted you to see this.”

“Oh-- hang on.” He fumbled for his glasses on the nightstand, sliding them on and blinking blearily at the screen. “Um...where are you? I just see, like...the ceiling?”

“Oh-- that’s cause I gave my phone to Honey, just a second, and she’ll show you.”

The phone was lifted up suddenly by a pretty woman with bronze skin and dark hair thrown up into a bun. “Nice to meet you, Anna’s boyfriend.”

He wondered if she could see him blush even in the dark room. “Nice to meet you, too.”

“Okay, okay, I’m ready!” he heard Anna chirp from somewhere. “Turn the camera!”

Honey did with a laugh, and Kristoff sat upright, his eyes wide. Anna was in a deep blue ballgown that fit perfectly to her torso before flaring out into a long, shimmery skirt. Her hair was down, set in curls that shone especially bright against the dark color of the gown, and she was smiling so brightly he thought his heart was going to burst.

“You look beautiful, baby,” he said, half-convinced he was still dreaming.

She was quiet for a moment, and then he realized she was blushing bright red. He heard Honey giggle, and then the phone was being handed back over to Anna. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“What, beautiful? I definitely--”

“No, I--” Her blush deepened. “Kris, are you wearing a shirt?”

He glanced down. “Oh-- uh, no, I’m not. Sorry, I didn’t think you’d be able to see without the lights--”

A mischievous glint was twinkling in her eye. “Trust me, Bjorgman, there’s nothing to apologize for.”

Now he was blushing, too. “Um-- so you’ve got to be filming something special today, right?”

“Yeah, the big ballroom scene. I just...I really love this dress, and the way Honey did my hair and stuff, and I, um...I wanted you to see.”

He smiled softly. “I’m glad. You really do look so, so beautiful.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but then he heard Honey call, “Hey, Anna, say bye to the boyfriend, they want you on set in five.”

Anna turned back to the camera, looking suddenly nervous. “Kris, are you my boyfriend?”

“Do you want me to be?”

“Yeah.”

He grinned, no longer sleepy. “Okay.”

Anna laughed. “Okay?”

“Hey, it’s still the middle of the night, and I’m still kind of speechless after seeing you in that dress. Cut me some slack.”

“Go back to bed. Sorry I woke you up.”

He yawned. “I’m not.”

---

day 40

“Look! All packed!” She grinned, turning her phone quickly around the room to show off her only slightly overstuffed suitcases. “And ready to come home!”

“Do you think you’ll miss it?”

“No, I mean...it’s beautiful and all here, but it’s still not home.”

Kristoff grinned at that. “You still want me to pick you up from the airport?”

“Um, is that even a question?”

He laughed. “Just making sure! I mean, six weeks is a long time, don’t know if you got tired of me.”

“Kristoff, the second I get back to LA, I’m like, jumping on you again and kissing the fuck out of you.”

He waggled his eyebrows. “And then?”

She could tease him, too. “And then you’d better hurry the hell up and take me back to your apartment so I can show you how much I missed you.”

“....Jesus Christ. Why does waiting two more days suddenly feel so much longer than the other forty?”

#3k words this time #yay yay yay #drtlp #my fics

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loove-persevering · 6 years ago

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Steve Rogers Imagine! Part 2 (ENDGAME SPOILERS)

Warnings: ENDGAME SPOILERS, cute fluff!

READ PART 1: Here (I’m sorry i you can’t see this on mobile the first part is on my profile like right below this I’m still new to writing and havent figured out how to do links yet! so if you all wanna give me some advice it would be much appreciated!)

Word Count 2.1k

Description: The war was over, everyone was exactly where they were suppose to be or where they? Pt 2!

It was finally over, the fight of our lives was over and we lost Natasha, and we lost Tony. Thanos was gone reduced to dust which seemed very fitting, as well as his army. It had been a few days after the fight, the compound was destroyed I don’t know how we were going to find a way to repair it, if we even could.

Everyone attended Tony’s funeral, everyone. I stood by Steve squeezing his hand tightly as a tear ran down my face. I watched as Pepper held Morgan so close to her, as if she was shielding her from the life she would have to live without her father. After the funeral when everyone had scattered and began giving their condolences to Pepper I walked over to Morgan as Steve went to Pepper. ‘’Hi Morgan,’’ I say bending down so I was at eye level with her.

‘’Hi,’’ She says taking her fingers and twirling them around in her hair.

‘’You know you’re dad was a pretty cool guy,’’ I say and I can feel the lump in my throat as I keep talking, ‘’He was the one who introduced me to juice pops you know?’’ I say.

She nods her head still twirling her fingers in her hair, ‘’Can we go get one?’’ She asks.

‘‘Of course, Let’s go!’‘ I say taking her hand in mine. I walk over to Pepper and Steve who were still talking, Steve’s face looked like he had been crying during there talk which I’m sure he did. ‘‘We’re gonna go get some juice pops, is that okay?’‘ I ask Pepper and she nods looking down at Morgan smiling. You could tell Pepper saw Tony in her, as did everyone else.

I nod at Steve smiling at him letting him know I was there if he needed me, he kept his face like a stone the entire time. I could feel him staring at us as we turned around walking back into the house to get the juice pops, I turn around just as the door was closing to find out I was correct he was still standing there watching us. I wanted to fix his sadness in that moment, looking at him you could tell he was broken he was in need of fixing, he looked like a lost child like he had lost the battle when in reality we had won it.

A few day’s later after we had built a new quantum tunnel it was time to return the stones. Bruce made it clear multiple times after we had taken the stones that we needed to return them to the exact point in time that they were taken. I volunteered to take them back because I knew Steve was in no condition, but some part of me felt as if that wasn’t the only reason. I felt guilty because apart of me felt as if I wanted to take them back because then Steve wouldn’t get the chance to stay in the past and be with Peggy, I’d come back and he’d be with me exactly how I wanted it.

Steve protested my request saying he was the one who needed to do it, not only because he felt like it was his job but because if something went wrong he didn’t want me to face the consequences. I helped Bruce set up the quantum tunnel and we get all of the stones ready in the briefcase, handing it off to Steve. I watch as he talks to Sam and then over to Bucky, ‘’Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,’’ He says.

Bucky smirks at him, ‘’How can I when your taking all the stupid with you,’’ he says. I see them hug and exchange a few more words before Steve turns around walking back over to me.

I wrap my arms around him tightly hugging him, he returns it with one just as strong, as if it were the last he would give me. I hug him for a long time, probably longer than I should have but I wanted to just in case. I let go slowly but still have my hands touching him, ‘’I wish you’d let me be the one to do this,’’ I say to him. ‘’I don’t want to be selfish, but you know how I feel about you and I don’t know if this is going to be my last chance telling you. I love you, so much. I can’t imagine losing you, but if it’s what’s going to make you happy then I will.’’ I say pausing I can feel tears running down my face. ‘’Because all I want is for you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.’’ I say sniffling. I raise my hands up to my face trying to wipe away the tears. Steve’s hand tries to wipe them away as well.

‘‘This is your chance to be selfish, and your the most selfless person I know. I’m so sorry if this seems like I’m being selfish, but I just had to let you know.’‘ I pause. ‘‘If you choose her I understand.’‘ My voice breaks when I say it. ‘‘You need to go though,’‘ I say finally pulling away from him, I can tell he want’s to say something but I quickly turn around walking back toward Bruce who’s giving me the most sympathetic look. I look around and see Bucky and Sam as well giving me almost the same exact look. Steve stood there looking at me still, he picks up the brief case standing next to him walking on the platform. He picks up Mjölnir which was laying next to him and his suit appears on him quickly.

I can feel my body growing anxious with anticipation, my heart was beating at a rapid pace I could guarantee you it was about to pop out of my chest.

‘‘How long will this take,’‘ Sam asks glancing over to me and Bruce.

‘‘For us three seconds,’‘ I pause. ‘‘For him as long as he needs,’‘ I say glancing at Steve making eye contact with him.

‘‘Starting jump in five, four, three, two, one.’‘ Bruce says counting down. And then Steve’s body disappears off of the platform leaving nothing but suspense off at least to me. ‘’And returning in three, two, one.’’ He says, we hear the clicks as if he’s suppose to return but he doesn’t.

‘‘Where the hell is he?’‘ Sam asks, I can hear Bruce yelling back at him that he missed his time jump, ‘‘Get him the hell back!’‘ Sam yells his voice panicked.

I kept staring at the blank spot where he stood before us just a few seconds ago; I really thought telling him one last time would make him stay, I was wrong. I look over and find Bucky already staring at me, giving me a nod as if he was saying, be happy for him. I was happy for him, truly. I was happy he finally chose to be selfish as he had spent so many years being altruistic. I cross my arms over my chest, nodding not to anyone in particular just kind of the nod you give when you finally understand, and I finally understood.

I look at the platform once more, hanging on to the only bit of hope I had left that I was enough, that I didn’t just lose another person I greatly admired. I stand there only for a few seconds more before turning around walking away from it all. I didn’t know where I was going, Tony and Natasha were gone, the compound was destroyed and I had nowhere to go.

I hear Bucky yell out, ‘’Y/N! Sam!’’ he says. I don’t turn around I couldn’t turn around because at this point I had accepted it but if I saw that empty slot where he stood just those few minutes ago then I would lose it. I wouldn’t be able to hold on to the only shred of virtue I had left. So I kept walking, and I didn’t look back.

I had ended up at Clint’s home, he offered me a place to stay with open arms as well as Laura. They told me I could stay for as long as I needed and I knew they meant it but I knew myself better and would probably only stay for a day or two until I felt as if my stay was too overbearing.

It was later that night after Steve had made his choice to stay with Peggy when I was sitting out on the porch talking with Clint. We had talked about how before all this we thought we would never be happy again, Clint had went through a lot when he lost his family and he tells me how he lost all hope of getting them back. We talked about Natasha and how her sacrifice saved everyone, and that we both wish we could thank her somehow, to repay her for what she had done. There would never be anything we could do to measure up to what she had given to save the billions who vanished, her life.

Laura comes down asking Clint if he was coming to bed, he looks at me raising an eyebrow, ‘’You gonna be okay kid?’’ He asks sincerely walking over to Laura wrapping his arms around her. I nod and smile at them wishing them a goodnight before the head back inside.

I sit outside for what seemed like hours just watching the stars, when I finally broke out of what felt like a trance I looked at my phone and realized it was about two in the morning. I get out of the rocking chair grabbing the blanket and wrapping it around me turning toward the door.

As soon as I reach for the door handle a voice makes me stop as if I had been frozen in that very second. ‘’You know when I told Bucky I was with him till the end of the line, that applied to you too you know?’’ I hear his voice.

I turn around dropping the blanket on the floor and run straight to him practically knocking him down in the process. I kiss him for a few seconds, his arms wrapped around me tightly, something I hadn’t felt in a while. When I pull away he’s staring at me tears in his eyes as well as mine, ‘’You came back,’’ I say as my voice cracks once again I pull my hand up to my mouth trying to hold back a sob. I reach my hand up touching the side of his face and move my hand in his hair my hand curling around the back of his neck pulling him in for a hug.

He pulls away from me still holding me close, ‘’When I left I didn't intend on coming back you need to know that,’’ he says, I knew Steve would be straight forward with me even if the truth would hurt me. ‘’When I went back I returned all the stones like I was suppose to, I did miss my time jump on purpose I went back to Peggy and we had that dance I promised her.’’ He says looking at me.

‘‘Then what made you come back?’‘ I ask him confused, he was there with her, he held her in his arms just like he was doing with me right now.

‘‘I thought about what you said before I left, how you felt selfish for wanting me to stay, but you have to understand that what you said was the most selfless thing anyone could’ve ever done. You were willing to give up your happiness in order for me to be happy.’‘ He says smiling, ‘‘If I would’ve stayed it would have made me the selfish one, to know you were here living out what I left behind and I could never live with that.’‘ He explains

‘‘I needed to have my dance with Peggy to realize that it was the past, I was in the ice for seventy years there was a reason for that, I was meant to be here in this moment fighting in this battle and being with you.’‘ He says and I smile I had tears streaming down my face at this point.

‘‘You gave that life up for me?’‘ I ask him.

‘‘I gave nothing up that hadn’t already been decided, I choose this life with you, today.’‘ He says. ‘‘I gave Sam the shield, It’s his time I’ve had mine.’‘ He says and I can see the sense of pride in his face that he made the right choice.

‘‘We can rebuild the compound, for the rest of them and then we can go be normal people, have a normal life,’‘ He says tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, ‘‘We can go home,’’ He says smiling down at me.

#steve rogers #steve rogers imagine #steve x reader #steve endgame #marvel imagine #chirs evans #chris evans imagine #avengers endgame #endgame blurb #avengers x reader #steve rogers fluff #captain america #captain america imagine #captain america x reader

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angrylizardjacket · 6 years ago

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and then there was light [3] {Roger Taylor}

Anon asked: Prompt: angst Roger and y/n because he’s jealous after a party

A/N: 5981 words!! What?! Like, it’s not explicit, but I might have given the reader a slight praise kink. Some sexual content. There is mentions of cheating, just to let you know if that makes you uncomfortable. There might be a problem with pacing but like... suspend your disbelief. Also.... you’ve got a big storm coming.

[part 1] [part 2]

Your grip is white-knuckled on the armrest as you felt the plane rumble beneath you; anxiety is clutching at your chest as the world falls away beneath the wings of the machine and you’re rising into the sky. Roger isn’t outright laughing from where he’s sitting next to you, but it looks like he wants to. Thankfully, for his sake, he contains himself, resting a hand on your thigh, rubbing it in a gentle, comforting rhythm.

“You’ll be fine, love, these things hardly ever crash, and if this one does, it’ll make the news, probably.” He shrugged, and you glared at him, trying to push down the anxiety curling in your stomach.

“You’re the single least reassuring person I’ve ever met.” You snapped, but he just grinned wider, his hand moving higher on your thigh, your legs part just a little, out of instinct, and you’re too anxious about the flight to even blush at it.

“I could distract you instead.” He offers, giving your thigh a gentle squeeze. Something eases in your chest and you relax your grip on the armrest to put your hand on his. “Love?” He asks, watching how you’re leaning your head back against the headrest, eyes closed, like you were trying to go to your happy place, wishing you weren’t trapped inside this plane. His hand twitches to move away when he doesn’t get a response, but then your own hand is guiding his a little further up, and you’re wearing a little, playful smile, though it’s strained. Roger has to bite back a laugh.

“Could you please wait until the seat belt sign is off?” John’s voice interrupts both of you, pressing his face into the space between your headrests where he’s sitting behind you, sounding characteristically exasperated.

“Or wait until we land, like any decent human being.” You can hear Brian’s sigh from where he’s sitting beside John, his words followed by a world-weary sigh.

“You were both cuter when you thought we didn’t know.” Freddie says, matter-of-factly, and Paul hums in agreement, the two of them sitting in the two seats in front of you.

“So were you.” Roger snaps back, leaning back into his chair, sullen at the sudden onslaught of bullying from his band-mates. “And get your bloody face away from mine.” He smacks John’s forehead with his free hand, which has the man retreating, but you’re silently thankful. Despite this, you’re also flushing with embarrassment, which is only quelled when Roger flips his hand over on your thigh to lace his fingers with yours, giving your hand a comforting squeeze.

It’s weird, to be in public, well, sort of public, and to be allowed to actually be with Roger. You’ve always been so hyper aware of his image, careful to keep your distance where prying eyes might be lurking, the last-performance kiss notwithstanding, but here, in the relative safety of first class - and god, that was a mind-boggling realisation - he’d wrapped his arm around you. Once the seat-belt sign has been turned off and the in-flight movie has started, he pulls you into his lap on the luxuriously spacious seat. Everyone on the flight has headphones to listen along to the movie, and the plane is almost silent as everyone looks to the overhead screens. It starts innocently enough, except sitting on Roger isn’t exactly comfortable; he’s got one hand resting on your thigh, innocent enough, and the other on the armrest, but you find yourself shifting every few minutes trying to get comfortable, but it isn’t really working.

“Are you right there?” Roger moves your headphones off of one of your ears, speaking low and quiet, only to you. When you look at him, he’s not even looking you in the eyes, he’s looking at your lips, and you feel your chest tighten, though in a very different way to the plane taking off earlier.

“What?” And you shift again, trying in vain to get more comfortable before you feel him hard and pressing against your ass through his pants, and it dawns on you. After a moment, you lock eyes with him, finally, and wiggle again, deliberate, suppressing a smile. He leans in to kiss you, rough, insistent, his hand on your thigh moving dangerously higher.

“Let’s not ruin everyone’s movie,” he breathes as he pulls back, his hand moving to give your ass a light tap, and you take the hint, taking off your headphones and making a beeline for the bathroom. You find yourself waiting for almost five minutes in the stall before there’s a knock at the door and Roger’s whispering your name. You haven’t even fully locked the door before he’s pulling off your shirt, murmuring about how you both had to be quiet, though he was grinning in that way that made you melt, and made you want to be anything but quiet.

When you head back to your seats none of the others comment on it, though they do seem pretty enraptured with the movie. Your anxiety at flying had dissolved; you’re feeling all warm and syrupy in the afterglow, and Roger clicks down the armrest that separates your two seats, and shifts so that you he can still wrap his arm around you, but you’re sitting next to him, your legs stretched out and arching over his. He puts his own headphones back on, smile supremely satisfied, and you give yourself a little, mental pat on the back, but don’t bother with your own headphones, resting your head on his shoulder and falling asleep, feeling secure and safe with his arm around you.

When you land, you find yourself whisked almost directly to the new tour bus, and you suddenly find yourself filled with a new uncertainty. The space, at least compared to what you were used to, was lavish, not a single road case in sight.

“You guys live like this?” You crowed, eyes wide as you raced through the spacious vehicle, plopping yourself down on the cushioned bench beneath the back window while the rest of the band, and the crew travelling in this bus started getting settled in.

“Well yeah, was the other bus really that different?” Roger asks, joining you, sprawling himself out across the seat. The sheer absurdity of his question takes a moment to sink in, but after that you’re laughing, loud and a little bit uncontrollable, mind alight with memories of hot, bump afternoons riding along at the back of the equipment bus, sat atop a road case, holding a light and gels and trying not to touch the drum kit where it was stacked up beside you.

“God, I would have killed for a cushion.” You breathe, wistful, relaxing further, if it were possible, into the seats. After a beat, you look around at where everyone’s gone quiet; Freddie and John were setting up a board game and Brian was lounging on one of the sofas running along the inside of the bus; you’re pretty sure Roger’s the only one who hears you anyways. “I much prefer it to flying though,” you admit, shifting until you can rest your head on Roger’s shoulder.

“Really?” He asked, voice quiet enough that only you could hear it. “I thought it was a pretty decent flight.” And he reaches up to pinch at your side playfully when the bus starts up. The two of you dissolve into play-fighting, which the others don’t pay much attention to, entertaining themselves as the trip to the first destination began.

“You’re- you- they call you Spotlight, don’t they?” The voice that greets you before for the first crew meeting is bright, eager, faintly accented, and when you turn, you see it belongs to a sweet looking boy with big, brown eyes, clutching at a clipboard. Laughing a little awkwardly, you nod, and his whole face brightens at the confirmation. “I’m Robbie; I’m stage managing, and they’ve got me operating the lights.” He sounds so damn excited, it’s a little endearing, and after a beat, he’s peppering you with questions about the American leg of the tour, which you answer with ease.

You’d been worried, not that you’d ever admit it, integrating into a whole new crew; the American tour was staffed with people you’d been working with for years, and here, everything and everyone was new to you. Seeing Robbie smile, so kind and welcoming, it felt like you could breathe.

“How the crew?” Roger asks, and he’s stuck with fond deja vu, sitting behind his drums, watching you cut a whole new set of gels. You’re humming something he can’t quite pick, but you seem happy enough.

“Yeah good,” you concede, only half paying attention as you work, “they’re nice, very welcoming.” You tell him, and he makes his way to you, sitting beside you on the drum risers, picking up some scraps of the gel. After a moment, your hands still, and you watch his, smiling with confusion, before looking at him. “What-” but he’s looking back at you, and he leans in to kiss you once you look up. Putting the gel and the scissors down, you take his face in his hands, giving him an endearing smile.

“I’m working.” You said softly, but he just grinned, leaning in to kiss you again. It’s fun and easy to be with Roger at times like this, times when neither of you had to worry about what other people thought, or who saw you together; you were happy and so was he, and that’s what mattered.

It gets a bit harder, you realise, when in Glasgow you’re leaving the hotel with the band and a few paparazzi come after you; at first they’re shouting at the band but then they spot you where you’re by Roger’s side, trying to keep your face hidden. You see your picture in some gossip rag the next day when Robbie gives it to you with a long suffering and apologetic look.

“The boss wants you to be more careful about being seen.” He’s rolling his eyes at the boss’s words, however, when you ask him what he means, you learn that you’d been photographed with them in America, and people were starting to speculate that you might be part of the tour group. The Boss thinks it reflects poorly. The rest of the band is in the photo, but you’re the one being accused of being a world-travelling gold digger in the article.

When you tell Roger, or more specifically show him the article and make an offhand comment about not really being seen with the band in public anymore, he throws the magazine across the hotel room, scowling.

“They’re printing lies, Spotlight, what do you care?” He asks. You’re gentle when you step towards him, resting your hands on his shoulders.

“I care about my career and my reputation, Roger, you understand, right?” Voice soft, you don’t move until he looks at you, expression a little hurt. “I know I’m not a gold digger, but if I want to get anywhere in life, I need other people to believe that too.” You explained, and he didn’t exactly seem happy about it.

“You’re fantastic at your job, babe, isn’t that enough?” He asked, and you felt yourself flush, suppressing a grin at the praise.

“I wish it was.” You told him, voice a little forlorn, and he leaned in to kiss you, a silent agreement to your request. After a moment you pulled back, actually letting yourself grin. “You think I’m good at my job?” You asked, giggling, and Roger’s expression brightened as he huffed out a laugh.

“You know I do.” And it’s the most gentle you think you’ve ever heard him, the sweet sincerity shifts as his hands come up to rest on your hips. He knows all too well the effect he has on you when he compliments your work. “How many times do I have to tell you?” He asks, a single eyebrow raised, teasing edge to his tone.

“I mean, if you told me too much I think we both know I’d never get anything done.” And your fingers are nimbly undoing his fly. With a cheeky grin, he kisses you again, rougher, biting at your bottom lip before you pull away.

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He muses, watching the way you wet your lips, smiling at him. “You’re very good at other things too, love.”

“I know.” You watch him through your lashes, biting your lip to keep from laughing as his whole face lights up and he’s snorting out a laugh at your response, and you fall to your knees, already pulling down the waistband of his jeans.

He doesn’t like that you insist on leaving the hotel at different times, becomes a little clingy in the mornings when you go to get up, but he always manages to tug you back down to him, and you get lost in the way he smiles in the early morning sunlight, the feel of his lips on yours, the way he laughs softly against your skin.

Despite this, he keeps his distance around other people. The band he doesn’t worry about, but he stays up by his drums during lunch, and sometimes during the after parties you attend, he’ll disappear for a few hours at a time, and you find him at the bar, reasonably hammered, surrounded by fans fawning over him. He always goes home with you though, so you try not to feel too jealous.

“Hey, Light? I’m getting lunch, do you want anything?” Things start going downhill the day Robbie pops his head in during your lunch break; you’re at the top of a ladder, fiddling with the angle of a parcan, and Roger’s at his drums.

“No thanks.” You call back, chipper, shooting the ASM a smile, and when he leaves, Roger frowns at you.

“Did he give your nickname a nickname?” He punctuates it with a laugh, but it sounds more angry than anything else.

“That’s Robbie,” your explanation does not seem to placate him. You’d been spending a lot of time with Robbie, the two of you bonding over both having worked on Bowie’s last tour. “He’s German.” You add, as if the fun fact might warm Roger to him.

“I know how to pick accents.” He snapped back at you, and you actually stopped your work to look at him, a little shocked and defensive at his tone. He’s not looking at you, he’s gone back to watching the door.

“He’s the ASM, Rog, chill out, we work together.” You tell him. He doesn’t respond, and all you can do is go back to your work, a squirming discomfort making itself known in your chest.

He disappears after the show that night, not coming to find you after bump out like he usually would, and you try to assume the best; that he’s too high from adrenaline and the endorphins of such a good show that he’d wanted to ride the hype the rest of the band. It wasn’t deliberate, you told yourself.

“You going to the after party?” Robbie asks carefully, hands in his pockets, still wearing his own theatre blacks. You realise you must look a little lost, and when you decide that you are, you tell him, and he offers to walk with him. He’s sweet, excitedly gushing about how he can’t wait for the Munich show so he could see his girlfriend, and you find yourself enthusing about how exciting it is to be travelling around Europe. Once you step foot in the pub, the two of you part ways, Robbie heading for the bar, and you seeking your own boyfriend.

His whole face lights up when he sees you, and the anxiety that had been building in your chest dissipates when he wraps his arms around you, spinning you around.

“I’m sorry, I got caught up.” He told you, but he doesn’t kiss you, just pulls you down to the sofa with him where Freddie’s in the middle of an animated discussion with Brian.

It happens again at the next stop, he leaves you behind and you make your way to the after party talking with Robbie. He’s kind, sweet, looking forward to marrying his high school sweetheart. If you’re being honest, it’s nice to have someone to talk to who understands your side of touring, being another interchangeable face to the talent you’re helping, someone down to earth and . He gushes about how jealous he is of your friendship with the band, starry eyed in the cool night air.

Again, when you arrive at the venue, Roger’s already there, and he doesn’t get up this time, just beckons you to him with a bright smile. It doesn’t ease your discomfort like you hoped his smile would.

“Are you mad at me?” You ask gently one night; the two of you were walking in relative silence, side by side, not touching for fear of paparazzi, you try to justify.

“No, why?” He asked, and you look at him, eyes narrowed as you examine him, and his smile is a little far away when he looks back at you. After a long moment of silence, he takes your hand, pulling you both to a stop, facing each other. He wraps his arms around you, still giving you that far away smile, and he kisses you. “I’m sorry I keep leaving you behind, love.”

“So you’re not mad at me?” You confirm, stepping back and taking his hand, continuing to walk.

“Of course not; should I be?” And the way he says it, so perfectly fucking harmless, has the hairs on the back of your neck standing up.

“No!” You defend, and he’s laughing easily in the moonlight.

It keeps happening, sporadically, and it always seems to coincide with whenever he sees you and Robbie together, or Robbie comes in to offer to get you lunch, and you know what’s happening before you dare to admit it.

On some of the nights where you opt to go straight back to the hotel, you’re woken by him flopping into bed beside you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you to him, warm and protective, at odds with the discomfort in your chest.

“Missed you.” He yawns, smelling of alcohol and cigarettes, and one time, of faint, fruity perfume that you don’t recognise. When you ask him, he says that someone spilled a cocktail on him, and you realise you can’t even tell if he’s lying or not.

“You jealous?” And you can hear the sleepy smirk in his words, and your own tired mind is unguarded, unfiltered.

“A little.” You whisper into the silence of the hotel room. He doesn’t answer you, but his grip on you tightens, and he hums, the meaning of which you can’t decipher. It takes you a long while to get to sleep after that.

It comes to a head a few weeks later, however, the night they perform in Paris.

“I miss her so much.” Robbie bemoaned you as the two of you walked together, his arm tucked into yours as he waxed poetic about his now-fiance. “She sent me a care package and I swear I almost cried in front of the sound operator.”

“Why?” You laughed, and Robbie groaned.

“I opened it in the bio box because I picked it up from the front desk on my way here, like right after checking in.” By the time you get to the after party, the music is already blaring, and like always, you split up to go your respective ways. Roger greets you warmly, making room for you on the sofa he was sprawled on, wrapping an arm around you as he continued his conversation with a starry-eyed groupie, who didn’t even acknowledge your presence. You make conversation with John, who’s hovering near the arm of the sofa, bopping along to the music, looking a little bit longingly at the dance floor.

Roger goes to get a drink a little while later, smiling and asking if you’d like anything, and as soon as he’s gone, Robbie, now quite plastered, pours himself into the empty seat.

“I called her- Spotlight, I miss her so much - and she told me she loves me and she can’t wait until I get home; should I walk back to Germany? I wanna see her.” He asked, words blurring together a little from his accent and his inebriated state, and he rests his head on your shoulder.

“This is Robbie; he misses his fiance.” You explain to a confused looking Freddie, who’s expression melts into one of adoration, and he ‘aww’s at that. Robbie is starry-eyed for a long moment, before he turns to you.

“Should I walk to Munich? I miss her.” He reiterates, and you burst out laughing, petting his head fondly.

“No, don’t walk to Munich, you should go home, we’ve got a big day tomorrow.” You tell him, and he groans, clearly not having received the answer he wanted. Instead, you get to your feet and offer him your hand. “I’ll walk you back, we’re staying at the same hotel.”

You find Roger at the bar with one of your arms around Robbie’s shoulders where he’s pretty much legless, the lightweight. There’s a muscle jumping in Roger’s jaw when he sees you, and you hesitate, giving him a confused look.

“Hey, I’m just going to take Robbie back to his room, okay? I’m probably going to bed after.” You tell him. He doesn’t smile, just offers you the drink he got you and blinks slowly when you wave it away. “I’ll see you later, okay?” You ask gently, hoping to get a response from him, but he’s just giving Robbie a sour, calculating look. Robbie is transfixed by the lights behind the bar and does not notice.

When you finally get Robbie into bed, much later than you would have thought since he insisted on stopping at everything that caught his interest, and taking five minutes of standing still and explaining how beautiful his fiance’s eyes were, he’s still wearing his shoes. Once under the covers, he grabs your hands and looks you in the eyes, suddenly serious.

“You’re good. You’re a good sort, Spotlight.” He tells you, his accent coming in just a little thicker with his sincerity, and he pets your hands, before abruptly turning away from you and pulling the blankets up to his nose, clearly tapping out for the night.

The room you shared with Roger was just a few floors up, and you’re in the elevator when you realise you’d left your keys in your room. You usually did, you always went back with Roger, so you usually didn’t need them. When you approach the door, you think you hear murmuring from the other side, but it could have been from across the hall, you don’t think about it too much as you knock. There’s a giggled ‘shhh’ from the other side of the door that’s less easy to play off, but you’re tired enough to think it’s just mostly-asleep Roger. You knock again, but no-one replies. It’s too late to knock too much, and you know he’s a deep sleeper, so with a heavy, tired heart, you make your way down the hall.

“What do you want?” Paul’s frowning at you when he opens the door, wearing his blue pyjamas, squinting at you.

“Keys to the bus please, I need somewhere to sleep, Roger’s not answering.” You tell him, and punctuate it with a yawn. After a beat more of watching you, as if assessing your motives, he disappears back into his room and reappears with the keys.

“Don’t lose them.” He warned, before closing the door on you.

The sofa in the bus is long enough that you can spread out, and you find someone’s fur coat to use as a blanket. It’s comfortable enough, a little cold, and it’s only when you hear a banging on the door and feel the sunlight on your face the next morning that you get up.

Opening the door, you see Roger standing there, looking up at you, waiting for entrance. Moving back to your makeshift bed, you take a seat, giving him a confused smile.

“I... didn’t think you’d actually be here.” He already sounds like he’s in a mood, bitter, but a little bit hesitant.

“Of course I stayed here, I knocked but you didn’t answer- what was up with that?” You asked, punctuating it with a yawn, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. He watched for a moment before he slid his sunglasses down his nose to glare at you over them.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, voice a little hoarse and scratchy, moving from hesitant to just quietly angry, the venom in his words hurting like a physical slap, and you sat up straighter.

“I’m-” And you’re searching for the words, but none come to mind.

“Why are you still on this bus?” He explains in a hiss. After a beat, he slides his glasses back up his nose, and turns to look away from you, a clear dismissal.

You’re at a loss as to how to explain that you’re here because... well, you’re always here, it’s where you were now. He’s the one who’d brought you here.

“What do you mean? You’re the one who wanted me here.” Standing your ground, you don’t dare let your voice betray how confused and hurt you were feeling.

“Yeah, well now I don’t.” He snapped. His words hit you squarely in the chest, and he leaves you in your shocked, dazed silence, moving to the back of the bus. “Fuck off back to the equipment bus, since you prefer it so much better.” He snarled, and that’s what unfroze you.

“Christ, I don’t get paid enough to deal with whatever this is and ride in that bus, so that’s a resounding ‘no thanks’. And more importantly; what the fuck has gotten into you?” Emotion comes crashing back into you, rage tearing through you like a tidal wave, and you turn on him, jaw clenched.

“’Whatever this is’” he snorted, low and bitter, “yeah, but you get paid enough to fuck that little, brown-haired cockhead?” He asked, and your eyes went wide.

“Who? Robbie?” You asked, voice dangerously calm. “You think I’m fucking Robbie? Our assistant stage manager? Who just proposed to his girlfriend at our stop in Munich? That brown-haired cockhead?” You snarled, advancing on Roger like a predator cornering her prey, bitter tension gathering across your skin.

“Was he the one crying on your shoulder last night at the after party?” Roger raised an eyebrow, but the sting had left his words. Narrowing your eyes, you confirm with a single, venomous ‘yes’. “Oh.”

“Is that why you locked me out last night? You thought I was-”

“I was angry, okay?” He cut you off, sitting down at the back of the bus, and though his tone is angry, his demeanour, the way he’s avoiding your gaze and fiddling, it’s... almost guilty. In that moment, it was as if you’d been splashed with cold water, an icy realisation slithering down your spine.

“What does that mean?” Voice level, you try not to jump to conclusions, but your heart is already sinking. He doesn’t answer. When he turns away, you see a hickey on his collar that wasn’t there yesterday. “Roger, what did you do?” You asked, and the hurt was already bleeding through into your words.

“I was... I was so fucking angry.” It’s not a real answer, it’s not even a real excuse. The way he says it, jaw clenched, heart in his throat, he’s all but bleeding guilt, too proud to ask for forgiveness.

“Bullshit.” Your can feel tears welling in your eyes and threatening to spill, but your hands are shaking with anger, hurt, betrayal, and you don’t even care. “You’ve been weird for weeks, you were just looking for the first out you could get.”

“Y/N.” He stands, reaches out to grab your shoulder, but you step back, out of his reach.

“No.” Your voice is firm, but your lip is quivering. “I don’t want you to ever touch me again,” wrapping your arms across your chest, looking at his outstretched hand with disdain through your tears. “Being angry isn’t an excuse. Jumping to conclusions isn’t an excuse. I get that it must be fun fucking around with the girl who makes you work for it by your standards, but,” shaking your head, you sniffle, holding yourself a little tighter with one hand, you wipe away your tears with the other, “the moment you have to work, have to put in a little bit of fucking trust? You couldn’t even do that.”

“Spotlight, please-”

“I’m in fucking Europe for you, Roger! What in your fucking, dumbass mind thinks that I’m someone who travels halfway across the world with someone just to cheat on them?” You’re yelling now, grateful to be alone and worrying that others would join you at any minute. You didn’t want them seeing you like this.

“For me? You’re here for work! I’m opening doors for you in the industry that you’d never have opened yourself!” And he knows even as he’s saying it that it’s the wrong thing to say, but he’s too furious at himself, lashing out at the only person he could. He watches as your expression turns shocked, before shattering, and you start bawling your eyes out, holding your face in your hands. Regret floods through him, but as he steps forwards to comfort you, you yell for him to fuck off.

“I can’t- I can’t leave can I? If I leave the tour, they’ll think the tabloid are right, that I’m some dumb groupie.” And you turn, distraught, and curl up on the sofa along the inside of the bus, still bawling, loud and ugly, great heaving sobs wracking your body as you realise the full extent of what had happened, and what it would mean for you. “You’ve ruined my fucking career.”

“That’s a bit of an overstatement.” He can’t even bring himself to apologise, sitting back against the window of the bus, watching as you curl yourself into a ball, the only sound filling the silence being your sobbing. It hurts, his heart is fucking aching, but he couldn’t admit it. When you raised your head to look at him, your eyes red rimmed and lip trembling, he feels only a white hot guilt fill him from the inside out.

“You don’t get it, this industry is about who you know, and if all I am is some girl who Roger Taylor fucked, flew across the world, and got bored with, it doesn’t matter how good at my job I am, I’ll just be another groupie with aspirations.” And you bury your face in your hands again.

“We could... pretend like nothing happened, until the end of the tour.” He offers, quietly, the weakest hail mary pass you’d ever heard, and you roll your eyes at him.

“I’d rather have my dignity, thanks.” You spat, taking in a deep shaking breath as you finally sat up, wiping fruitlessly at your eyes as tears continued to flow, though you tried to pull yourself together.

“You’re not under contract, you can leave if you want.” And it might literally be last on the list of things you’d wanted to hear at that moment.

“I get it, Roger, you don’t want me around.” You snap, standing. “You are who you are; I was stupid to think you were better than that.” You sniffled. When you turn and leave, he’s silent, replaying your words over and over again in his head until he’s absolutely livid at what he’s done.

When the rest of the band returns almost a full half an hour later, he’s trashed the entirety of the bus, even going to far as to rip up the cushioning on the bench beneath the back window.

“So you’ve heard the news I take it.” Brian looks at the scene before them, voice and demeanour both surprisingly nonchalant, and Roger, breathing heavily amid the carnage, gives him a sharp look. “Spotlight’s heading home, something’s come up with her family.” He explains. Behind him, John’s already started picking up a fractured mug, and Freddie is just frowning at Roger.

“Yeah?” Is all Roger says, snatching up the cushions from where he’d thrown them, and flopping himself onto the back bench, facing away from them all.

“She’s just talking to the production manager if you’d like to say goodbye.” Freddie offers, carefully neutral, and Roger suspects he knows something’s up with the story.

“She doesn’t want to see me.” He huffed sulkily, and the others lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. They can tell it’s a touchy subject but they don’t pry. They don’t hear from you, don’t even know how to contact you if they had been able to, instead they watch Roger pick up different girls night after night, trash hotel rooms, and grow shorter when interacting with the crew, especially the assistant stage manager.

“I am who I am.” Is all he says, lips around a cigarette where he’s chain smoking in the empty theatre at lunch when Freddie finds him and finally asks what’s wrong. Freddie wants to ask what happened, wants to ask why you really left, but he knows Roger well enough to figure most of it out. Roger’s a ticking time bomb nowadays, so he doesn’t pry.

The band doesn’t talk about you, not when paparazzi and reports yell out asking where you are, not to the crew, they barely talk about you to each other, and they never talk about you around Roger.

The bus is quieter now.

Roger’s louder now.

There’s an ache in his chest that won’t go away, that he’s filling with meaningless sex and too much booze because he can’t stand waking up alone, and he still thinks about what you said, and the way you had smiled at him before it all went to shit. He remembers how you’d risked your life for a light beneath his drums, and sometimes at breakfast he finds himself thinking about how you’d thrown a plate of food in his face before you were even real friends, and he wants to yell, to scream, because how could he be so fucking stupid? You’d seen him for who he was, and chose to be with him despite it, you thought he could be better than his reputation, but he’d just managed to prove he wasn’t.

It hits him when he’s got his hands on some girl whose name he doesn’t know that all he can think about is you, and he hates himself when he leans into the fantasy, not that the other girl notices. He’d rather fuck around than admit he’d developed feelings for you, and so he does, and pretends like he doesn’t miss your sleepy, morning grin, or the casual way the two of you would chat as you were rigging the spotlights for the band.

The day he finds out they’ve replaced you, the kid they’ve got is at the top of the ladder during lunch when he walks in, and he’s hit with such a sense of deja vu that he stops in his tracks.

“I was told this is the best time for me to get work done.” Her voice, thank god she sounds nothing like you, is hesitant, with none of the calm confidence you exuded at the top of the ladder.

“It’s none of my fucking business.” Roger snaps, and turns on his heel and leaves, pretending like it hadn’t felt like he’d just seen a ghost. He gets another drink.

#roger taylor #roger taylor imagine #roger taylor x reader #bohemian rhapsody #borhap #bo rhap #bohemian rhapsody imagine #ben hardy #ben hardy imagine #and then there was light #queen #queen imagine #content #the angry lizard writes

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jawnjendes · 5 years ago

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i’m tired too | shawn mendes

university au summer vacay babey, shawn x goth gf

*******just letting yall know that the chapter before this, girl you’re trouble did not appear in the tags when i posted it, so if u havent read it go ahead and do that now :P

masterlist | series playlist

My tongue was between my teeth as I focused on my reflection in my little compact mirror. Carefully, I filled in my eyebrow with dark brown powder, ignoring the people sitting on either side of me on the couch. Having two sets of eyes on me made it hard to carve out the enhanced version of my face, though. I tried to shift in my seat to get them to focus on literally anything else, but neither of them let up.

“She’s so good at that,” Mom said in admiration. She was sitting on my left.

“Isn’t she?” Shawn agreed in the same tone. He was on my right.

I paused and sighed. The previous evening, Aaliyah pointed out that my mom and her brother had some uncanny similarities. I thought she was just bringing light to the fact that they both… adore me. But they had the same mannerisms, like talking with their hands. They were both optimistic as well, unlike me… and my dad. I pretended not to see any similarities until now. I was just glad Aaliyah wasn’t here now to triumph in her discovery.

“Are you guys gonna do this the whole time?” I asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Well, you’re so pretty,” Shawn said, bringing a hand up to stroke my cheek.

I leaned away from his touch. “I just did my foundation!”

My mom laughed. “She won’t let you touch her either! I’m glad it’s not just me!”

Shawn gave me a surprised look. He learned just a little too much about me in the last twenty four hours, and it wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

Luckily, my dad, who had been scrolling through his phone on the other side of the couch, piped up. “Shawn, I heard you play guitar?”

That started the music conversation. I was glad to have the attention off of me for once, all anyone asked me about these days was my stupid hospital stay. Plus, I could finish my makeup in peace. Not to mention, Shawn was still convulsing and crying in his sleep, so things were… not ideal at the moment. But he got to talk about his love of music, which was something my dad could relate to.

“You know, I used to be in a rock band,” he said. “Back in eighty-seven, me and my buddies played shows from my parents’ garage. That’s how I met Lucy. She was standing at the front of the audience for every show. We only had about ten people attend if we were lucky, but she was always there.”

Mom placed her hands over her chest fondly. “I think music has a beautiful way of bringing people together.”

You wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at my mother, but she lived for heavy metal. She was the one who introduced me to the symphonic metal bands I listen to now.

“Oh, a hundred percent,” Shawn agreed. Then he told me parents that he and I met at one of his shows at a coffee shop.

Today was much more calm than the last. My parents slept on it, and they decided that they were just happy that I was live. I was just glad they stayed at a hotel, too. I couldn’t imagine being holed up with them after not living with them for a majority of two years. I also wouldn’t know how to explain why my boyfriend was yelling in his sleep every hour.

I really did miss my mom and dad. It kicked in when they had to go home at the end of the week. I was supposed to be home too. None of this was supposed to happen this way.

After my parents were gone, I was able to get around the apartment by myself. I didn’t need a babysitter anymore, so I tried to be happy about that. However, my incisions still kept me from doing anything strenuous, which meant I had no excuse not to return to work anymore. Most of what I did was sit behind a desk in a tiny office, so I made my first day back that Friday. I figured I might as well make some type of income to, you know, pay for my books for the next semester and uhhhhhh fucking live. I had to find my independence again somehow.

Anyway, my first day back at work was as mundane as it always was. It was like I wasn’t even gone for three weeks. Stacy gave me a professional “welcome back” and then hit me with the work I missed that I needed to catch up on. I spent the morning adding up gas receipts, entering vehicle information into the computer, and booking service appointments over the phone.

In the afternoon, Jason and Luca came in for their shifts. They approached the window of the office and stopped in their tracks.

“You’re here?” Jason asked in disbelief. “Weren’t you quitting?”

Clearly, no one knew or cared where I had been lately. I mean, I must have told Stacy to keep it confidential while I was high on morphine. Even then, I wasn’t exactly popular here.

“I had surgery, and now I can’t hop on a plane home,” I explained shortly.

“Oh, so you were dying and you weren’t planning on telling us?” Luca said, holding a hand up to my face in a dramatic fashion. “How dare you.”

I blinked once and then got back to adding numbers from the stack of receipts. The two of them entered the office, and that was when another question popped into my mind.

“Who covered me while I was gone?”

“Not me!” Jason said as he went to his desk at the back of the office.

Luca stood by mine and puckered his lips like he was thinking to himself. That said it all for me.

“Shoulda known.” I rolled my eyes. “Not a goddamn thing was done, and it’s month-end.”

“Hey, Stacy told me to book appointments,” Luca said defensively. “I lost commission these last few weeks because of that. I sell cars. I’m no receptionist.”

Bet he didn’t even book appointments either. Bet Stacy told him to cover all of my responsibilities. Luca just did not give a flying fuck about anything.

I spent my lunch hour in the car. Normally, Shawn would have come to meet me so we could eat together… or not eat. He was working too, though, and from the texts he sent me, he had been working on a flower arrangement for a wedding. He was going to be busy all day. When did we become a boring, married couple?

“You’ll never believe who they put to cover me while I was out,” I typed out in a text to Shawn. I munched on my white rice as I sent it.

“Who?!” he replied within a few minutes. I could almost hear the enthusiasm.

“Fucking Luca. He did fuck all, so I have a bunch to catch up on. Plus, it’s the end of the month, so we all have to close a bunch of sales and warranties and all this other boring crap. I’ll be home a little late.” Send. More white rice. God, I’m tired of rice.

My phone buzzed again while I was scrolling on Instagram. Shawn had replied. “Aw. Ok hon. I’m gonna have a couple of friends over tonight, just letting you know. Some of them want to see how you’re doing.”

“Ok. I’ll see you at home.”

“Love that you see my place as a home now :)”

Uhhhhhhhhh… Who’s gonna tell him? Who has to remind him that I was staying at his place for convenience, because I am recovering from a surgery? That I literally almost died and my complications kept me from travelling long distance…? Who’s gonna tell him?

I was horrifically fatigued when I got home. I seemed to have forgotten that stressing over numbers and annoying phone calls was mentally straining. Maybe travelling by car wasn’t a great idea either, but how could I not drive? I had a job to go to. I had an apartment to get back to. As I walked up to the front door, I wished that I didn’t have to worry about things like income and bills to pay. I just wanted to lie down and not get up again.

Walking into the apartment, I realized I probably wouldn’t even get to do that.

First of all, the door was unlocked. Shawn had given me a key, but apparently I didn’t need it this time. I was met with music and laughter as stepped over the threshold. I found people, strangers, when I peered into the kitchen.

It was a small kitchen, but there were five frat boy looking guys all holding plastic red cups. Among them were three breathtakingly pretty brunettes. I’m talking Instagram models, wearing sparkling crop tops and skin tight leggings. They were all laughing about something until they saw me at the doorway.

“Rock on, emo queen,” one of the frat boys said, holding up the rock and roll sign.

Yeah. Even in my work uniform, which was a button up with the company name on, was in fact black. Not to mention, the eyeliner I had put on in the morning smudged so much throughout the day that I now looking like a raccoon having a mental breakdown.

Awkwardly, I continued padding down the hall, finding more people standing and talking amongst themselves. Again, more ridiculously pretty girls and their dates. All I could smell was weed. I tried to keep a stink eye off my face, but it was the only thing that made people move out of the way so I could get to the living room.

Finally, there were people I recognized. Brian, Connor, Teddy, and Shawn were among a bigger group of strangers sat on the L-shaped couch. So this was a couple of friends?

Shawn noticed me first and raised his arms in the air, making me notice the red cup in his hand. “Look who’s here!”

That caused several pairs of eyes to turn to me, causing me to feign a smile. Everyone raised their drinks and cheered. Oh god, I was in a room of drunk toddlers. I was in a whole ass apartment of drunk toddlers. And my fucking boyfriend was the toddler hosting the other toddlers.

“Come, sit here,” Shawn said, waving me over. “I missed you!”

I still felt awkward and tired and far from the vibe everyone else was currently on. I stepped over and went to take the empty space next to Shawn, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me onto his lap. My face went hot at the gesture, but not because of the affection, or the fact that he chose to rest his hands on top of my thighs. His chin rested on my shoulder, and I could smell the alcohol in his breath. Oh jeez.

“Man, let your girl breathe!” Brian joked, seeing the discomfort on my face.

“It’s fine,” I said sheepishly. I noticed several empty plastic cups and shot glasses on the coffee table. It wasn’t even ten o’clock yet.

“Yeah,” Shawn agreed, “I mean, I’d sit on her lap, but my poor baby had surgery. Wouldn’t wanna hurt her.”

Before I could retort, Teddy spoke up. She, too, had her own cup and was very obviously under the influence. “Oh yeah! How did that go? What even happened?”

I was going to reluctantly explain, but Shawn spoke for me again.

“My little fighter looked death in the face and said ‘fuck you!’”

Several gasps and fascinated expressions came from the group on the couch. I resisted the urge to plant my face in my hands. There goes my business, out in the open for everyone to put their noses into.

“You almost died?” Connor asked in shock.

“Ooh, story time!” Teddy announced. “Spill! Now!”

Been home for ten minutes, and I was not in my pajamas lying under the covers. For me, this was a couple of steps away from a worst case scenario. All eyes on me, expected to talk about things I wanted to keep quiet about. And it was all prompted by my drunk boyfriend, of all people.

“I had a bowel resection, and then I hemorrhaged,” I explained curtly. Then, I moved Shawn’s hands off my thighs and got to my feet. “And now I have to stay here and recover for the whole summer. The end.”

Some people booed at the length of my story. I’m sure I was expected to tell an awesome tale about the battle against my infected guts, but I was really not in the mood for that. I had to tell the story twice at work, and that was enough for me. I didn’t really care about being a massive party pooper at the moment.

“Baby, where you going?” asked Shawn as I stepped away from the group.

I sighed and turned back to him. “I’m gonna change out of my uniform, and then I’m going to sleep.”

He pouted and got up to approach me. He came up close, so things felt a little more private. “Come have fun with me. We never have fun anymore.”

The plea in his voice was a jab straight to the heart. But I couldn’t find it in me to change my mind and stay with him.

“I’m not really in a party mood,” I said apologetically. “I had a long day, I’m really tired.”

Shawn’s face fell even more. His hazy, tipsy eyes filled with concern. “You want me to kick everyone out? I’ll do it! I’ll do it right now!”

I quickly got ahold of his wrist before he could rally the troops. I already had enough guilt on my shoulders. “No! No, no, no, don’t do that.” I held his hand in both of mine, and I ran my fingers over the swallow tattoo. “Have fun with your friends. You’re right, things haven’t been fun lately, and I’m sorry for that. You deserve a good time, even if I’m not there. Just have a drink for me, okay?”

He could have put out some things about how the party would be better if I was there. He could have sweet talked me into sitting on his lap again for the whole night. Instead, he squeezed my hand and said, “Straight tequila, right?”

Relief washed over me. “Yes. Remember to drink water too.”

“I gotchu, honey.” Then, he leaned in a pressed a sweet kiss to my lips. “Keep the bed warm for me.”

The taste of alcohol on his lips made me one percent more likely to join him in the festivities. The other ninety nine percent yeeted my ass to the bedroom. Once I was alone, the crushing feeling of deliberate isolation sent me to the surface of the bed.

I was the type of tired that kept me from actually sleeping. I could sleep through plenty of external noise, living in a college dorm was enough experience. It was just my foggy brain and burning throat getting in the way. I grabbed my Switch from the nightstand and played Smash Bros, tuning out the sounds of people having a better time than me.

Every so often, I heard people cheering or chanting, “chug, chug, chug!” I remained curled up in bed, fighting people online to get my frustrations out. Taylor Swift’s Love Story came on around 1AM and everyone screamed the lyrics, while I brought my t-shirt to the bridge of my nose to catch oncoming tears. I felt guilty and selfish every moment I wished Shawn was here to spoon me til I fell asleep. He spent so much time worrying about me, he deserved to forget it all once in a while. God knows I wanted to do the same, but my insides were still recovering.

I had put my Switch away and I was lying on my side by the time people were saying their goodbyes out in the apartment. Some guy was praising Shawn for having such “epic parties” as they put it. Weird, this was the first party of his that I witnessed. We’ve been together just over six months. How much of himself was he holding back because of me?

“Whoo!” I heard Shawn yell, followed by a glass shattering loudly.

The sound woke me up a little. Meaning, my legs got me standing and dashing out to the living room. My eyes scanned the place, which was now vacant of people and full of trash, but I found Shawn sitting on the floor just outside the hallway.

The place was a mess. Half empty cups, food, and mysterious stains covered every surface in the apartment. I was only worried about my boyfriend.

“Hey, cutie,” I said affectionately, bending down so we were at eye level.

Shawn’s eyes were hooded, but sparkling. He gave me a toothy grin and held up a peace sign.

Then, Teddy emerged from the kitchen. “Oh, did I wake you? I dropped a cup, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t exactly sleeping,” I told her, still looking at Shawn. I waved my hand in front of his face, only for him to blink slowly. “Uh, how much has he had to drink?”

Teddy chewed her lip as she thought about it. “I lost count after his fourth shot.”

“My girlfriend told me to have ten tequilas,” Shawn slurred, belching right after. “I think I had like, six.”

I held my breath and waved off the stench. Someone was in for a long night, longer than normal. I didn’t think he would take me seriously, but then again, I did not tell him to have ten shots of straight tequila.

“Oh yeah, he mixed his liquor too,” Teddy said.

I sighed and moved Shawn’s long arm over my shoulders. “Okay, vamos mi chulo. Let’s get you to bed.”

Teddy stepped in to help get the six foot toddler to his feet. Shawn stumbled and swayed, his long arms hanging heavily on our shoulders. I baby talked him as we slowly strolled to the bedroom, and I told Teddy I could take it from there.

Shawn burped again as we got closer to the bed, and he groaned. “Ugh… this isn’t fun anymore.”

“Okay, let’s go to the bathroom,” I said, steering him the other way.

It took a minute to get him positioned in front of the toilet. It took less than a second for him to lean over the bowl and return everything he drank. As much as the sights and sounds of vomiting brought me dark and lonely flashbacks, I went and sat on the edge of the bathtub. I rubbed Shawn’s back and practically waited for it to end.

Once that was overwith, I really couldn’t go back to sleep. I managed to lay Shawn down on the mattress. The sparkle in his eyes was gone, now replaced with chilling emptiness. I took the liberty of pulling his leather boots off his feet, and I removed his socks as well. Then, I draped the comforter over his long body.

“Stay with me,” Shawn mumbled, his arm reaching out to me. “Let’s forget all the bad shit…”

It seems that no amount of alcohol could make him not think about the last couple of weeks. My heart began to ache all over again.

“Go to sleep, okay?” I said gently. “I’ll be with you when you go to sleep.”

Shawn whined. “You always die in my sleep. I love you too much to let you go.”

I had a feeling that that’s what he had been dreaming about. But I really could not get myself to lie down with him. I was too antsy from the vomiting.

“Wait for me, okay?” I told him, stroking his hair. “I’m only gonna be a few minutes, and I’ll come back.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

He’s drunk. He’s going to sleep no matter what.

Once Shawn was all tucked into bed, I left the room and quietly shut the door behind me. In the living room, Teddy was picking up plastic cups and shoving them into a giant trash bag. I really wasn’t expecting her to still be here. Wordlessly, I began helping her clean up. Anything to get my beating heart to slow down.

“What were you doing this whole time if you weren’t sleeping?” she asked me. “Was the music too loud?”

“No. It wasn’t anything from the party,” I replied, scooping up paper plates and used napkins. “Just had a long day. I wasn’t in the mood for a party.”

“Oh.”

She glanced at me a couple of times as she dumped more trash into the bag. This was supposed to be the part where I bare my soul to my boyfriend’s friend and make her my friend, but… Enough of my business was out there already.

Teddy, however, was persistent. “So, how come you didn’t want visitors at the hospital? Or when you got out, for that matter?”

I busied myself with fixing the sofa cushions so I could come up with a decent answer. “Uh, I like my privacy. Especially in moments where things are messy.”

“Hm. Well, aren’t messy moments the times when you need friends the most?”

That thought lingered in the air as we continued tidying up the living room. I could have had my video game club friends there, or Shawn’s friends, but instead I left most of the burden to Shawn himself. What kind of a person am I?

At last, Teddy got the last of the garbage in the bag, and she tied it shut. Then, we moved onto the kitchen. More cups, spilled booze, and the broken glass from earlier. Oh, how I did not miss house parties. I was at the prime age of partying, being 21. I should have been the type to be as drunk as my boyfriend was, to just have fun and forget the stresses of life. But I found myself on a completely different level than the people who were here tonight.

“Do you stay up late often?” Teddy asked, trying to fill the silence yet again.

We both paused as the sounds of loud, monotonous humming came from the bedroom. Teddy scrunched her brow and tilted her head. My shoulders tensed with chills, like ice cold water had been spilled down the back of my shirt.

“To answer your question,” I told her, “yes.”

She followed me to the room, but she stayed at the doorway while I went to Shawn’s quivering body.

“Baby, wake up,” I said urgently, shaking his arm. “Wake up, it’s only a dream, baby…”

He was on his back, head moving from side to side in harsh moments. He groaned, completely spastic, so I coaxed him some more.

My voice shook. “Shawn… please. I’m here, please-”

His eyes flew open with a loud gasp. He sat up, breathing hard and fast. I placed my hands on his broad shoulders, getting his attention.

“Hey, look at me. You’re okay, it’s okay. You’re safe.”

Brown eyes were wide with panic, and then sadness. Within a second, they were filling with tears, and Shawn was wrapping his arms around my waist. With a shaky sob, he buried his head in my neck and cried quietly.

I had a pained looked on my face while he wasn’t looking. I just held him and stroked his hair. I was whispering the things I always said when he was in this state. “You’re safe with me. It was just a dream, it’s not real.”

I was able to coax him back to sleep for the time being. It was only going to happen again, though. I didn’t know how to stop it from happening.

When I stepped out of the room again, I leaned against the wall by the doorway. Teddy was gone, probably fled the uncomfortable situation. Can’t say I blame her. I sighed heavily and brought the palms of my hands to my misty eyes. I was beyond exhausted now. I was at a loss.

A hand went on my shoulder all of a sudden, making me jump. I looked up, finding that Teddy was still here, glass of water in her hand. Her blue eyes were concerned and upset, like the world had just ended in front of her. I pushed past the feelings, though.

“Sorry, I didn’t know you were still here,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “Uh, did you need a ride home?”

She shook her head and held up the glass. “My fiance is coming soon. Here, drink.”

I offered a weak smile and accepted the gesture. As I sipped, Teddy said something that threw me off.

“He told me he was handling his nightmares. Had it all taken care of.”

“Why would he say that?” I asked in return.

“Didn’t want anyone to worry, I’m guessing. But I can see how tired he is. I can see how shaken up he is. I mean, he never goes as hard as he did tonight with the liquor. And worst of all, he hasn’t written a song in weeks. He hasn’t been in the studio at all.”

And it was my own damn fault.

“Does he tell you what he dreams about?” I dared to ask.

“No,” Teddy said. “I don’t think he tells anybody. I think he needs something beyond our help.”

“You’re right. I need to talk to him about this, because I know he’s not gonna talk to me.”

She placed her both her hands on my shoulders. “Hey. I’ve seen Shawn with quite a few girls over the last couple of years. I’ve never seen him head over heels until you came along. He loves you so much, he can’t fathom the idea of losing you. He loves you so much that he won’t talk to you about this because he doesn’t want you to feel bad.”

I wasn’t sure if that was supposed to make me feel better, because I was barely coherent as I spoke. “I already do…”

For once, I was up and running before Shawn was. His last nightmare happened around six in the morning, and after that he slept normally. The hangover probably had something to do with that. I left him a glass of water and painkillers on the nightstand, and then I went to the kitchen to attempt a type of breakfast.

By the time had eggs scrambled on a plate, Shawn was stumbling out of the room, glass of water in hand. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, and then he ran his fingers through his curly hair. He was still in the navy blue t-shirt he wore last night, but he ditched his jeans and went for the underwear look.

I met him halfway from the kitchen, presenting him with his mediocre breakfast. “Morning, sunshine.”

“For me?” he asked, and I nodded. “You’re the best.”

He sat at the round glass dining table as opposed to going to the living room. He must have been really hungover. I sat next to him and basked in the silence as he ate. My hands were tingling from the nerves.

“How ya feelin’?” I asked in a stupidly gently voice, reaching over to rub his arm.

He hummed through a mouthful of eggs. When he swallowed, he spoke. “My head is pounding. But I took the pills you left for me. Thank you for that, by the way. Who cleaned the apartment?”

“Me and Teddy. After you knocked out, we just decided to tidy up so no one had to worry about it the next day.”

“Well, thank you. One less thing to worry about.” He ate in silence some more, and then spoke some words that truly had me puzzled. “I slept the whole night for once. Feels good.”

Must be nice to not remember your night terrors. However, I had to tell him.

“Shawn…” I said slowly. “You woke up like five times. You had a panic attack one of those times.”

He slowed his chewing, staring at the table top in thought. He stayed quiet, and it freaked me out. He practically shut down, and it scared me for multiple reasons.

“I don’t know how to help you,” I admitted, watching him carefully.

“It’ll wear off,” he said weakly.

“You don’t know that.” I had to be firm. “I don’t know what you’re seeing in your sleep, but I know it scares you so much that you won’t talk about it. And you talk about everything, so that’s how I know it’s bad.”

Shawn looked down, still silent. Not giving me a possible solution to this. Does he even want help? Or am I just exaggerating and losing my mind?

“You don’t have to talk to me about it,” I continued. “Just talk to somebody. Last night, Teddy told me that you were taking care of all of this, but you’re not. I don’t know how you’re functioning during the day, because I’ve been exhausted and sleep deprived. I know you are too, and I’m not the only one who sees it. I, I don’t know how much longer I can watch you go through this.”

Again, he was quiet. He was never quiet. Shawn was feisty and passionate, ready to say anything to prove his point at any given moment. He had strayed from the Shawn Mendes I loved in such a short amount of time. It was happening so fast, watching him slip through my fingers. It felt like I was the one in a nightmare.

“Please,” I mumbled, my voice quavering. My bottom lip began to quiver.

Shawn suddenly looked up at me, eyes wide at the sounds coming out of me. Even when he was sinking, he still paid more attention when I was about to cry.

“I’ll, I’ll give you my therapist’s number,” I offered, losing my composure. “I-I don’t know if she’s taking anymore clients, but I-I-I’ll give up my sessions for you. I’ll do anything if it means you’ll get some help. Shawn, I… I’m begging you. I’m begging you to get help, because I don’t know what to do anymore… a-and it’s because of me why you’re like this, a-a-and I’m sorry-”

I gasped when I realized Shawn had placed his hands on either side of my face. His thumbs rubbed my tear stricken cheeks, and he spoke calmly and gently.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay, I’ll get help. I promise. I don’t wanna go through this anymore either. I promise I’ll figure this out.”

I guess that’s how I knew I was falling in love. The want and need for him to be okay was so great, there was nothing I wouldn’t do to make that happen. The fact that he was not okay was ripping me a new one. I couldn’t even breathe when he slept. I couldn’t even think about how much I wanted to be in California, because then I’d have to think about leaving Shawn all alone. Who would talk him down from his night terrors?

My hospital stay alone triggered nightmares and eerie silence from him. But what would Shawn have done if I had died altogether?

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #fourtristattoosspring #shawn x goth gf #if this doesnt show up in the tags imma fuckin riot #im jk ill just cry again probably #i may have cried writing this lulz

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fatrainbowmermaidunicorn · 6 years ago

Text

Home (Taehyung x You ONESHOT)

A/N: this song is inspired by an uprising band in my country called Insomniacks - Pulang (which means "come back" or "come back home") They started of as a YouTube band and wrote their own songs too! This story is inspired by their MV. If you have spotify you can listen to it, I believe that to all Kpop fans out there, language wont be a barrier to appreciate good music ❤

Also, this story is not finished yet. Think of it as a part 1 if you may. (Its a oneshot actually) I havent finished it yet but I haven posted for such a long time so I just want to post this first. This is not throughly edited yet. will fully edited once I posted the whole thing but hope you enjoy it since im a bit rusty now.

ITS DONE GUYS. ITS THE COMPLETE STORY

Warnings: Rape Scenes

A/N : And also, I’m trying a new thing here. if anyone here like my stories and want to give some support, why not buy me a coffee? ☕💜

MASTERLIST

"What is this story about?" Taehyung lazily thumb through the script on the table in front of him.

"In the nutshell, about an unrequited love. A lot of cheating, hurting and how the main female character gets over it. You will play the man who broke her heart," his manager explains briefly. "I know, I know. Its sounds like a typical love story. But its good exposure for you to start taking roles in a romantic drama. Armys would love that,"

"Hmm, I guess?" Taehyung, still thumbing through, not really believing his manager's words.

"And its also by an award winning writer and publisher. And she will guide the director all the way. Its going to be a hit Tae," his manager desperately tries to convince him once again.

"Yeah? Who is this award winning writer and publisher?" Taehyung looks at him, curious.

"You will surely know her. Shes too famous not to be known by anyone," the manager grins, sure that Taehyung wont say no once he heard the popular name. "Its L/N Y/N,"

"What?" Taehyung turns his head so fast it gives him a whiplash

"L/N Y/N. Shocking right? But your trusty manager manage to get you the role in her movies!"

"Y-Y/N?"

/////

"Y/N!"

Y/N pushes her glasses up her nose as she turns around to the source of the voice and saw one Kim Taehyung walking, no, sauntering over to her like he owns the school. Well, in some way, he really does owns the school. Everyone knows who Kim Taehyung is. Not just in the school, but in the whole town. Granted, its a small town, but Kim Taehyung just leave a mark on everyone he met. Guys wants to be him, or atleast gets close to him and girls will do anything to date him, parents admires him and teachers adores him. People would do anything just so for him to know their name, or even just hearing him call their name, which in some miracle, he is calling hers.

"M-me?" Y/N points to herself as Taehyung flashes her his incredible grin that could melt hearts, hers not an exception.

"Who else princess? I dont know any other Y/N," he smirks and hugs her waist, walking by her side, which turns all eyes on her. If it wasnt her in this surreal position, she would be staring too. Kim Taehyung with his hands around a girl's waist? Even worse, a nobody, nerdy, smarty pants who has her nose in a book all day. The girl who doesnt even have a single friend throughout her high school years?

"I-uh.."

"Speechless?" Taehyung winks. "Well, thats how I feel when I first saw you too princess,"

"W-what?" Y/N makes a sudden stop in the middle of the hallway the moment those words came out from his mouth and pushes her glasses back up on her nose, taking a good hard look at Taehyung who is still smirking at her. "Is this a dream? I'm dreaming arent I?" She lets out a loud laugh. "Yeah, that must be it. I'm dreaming. I'm in my bed right now, under my blankets, in a deep sleep. There is no way Kim Taehyung knows my name, is walking beside me, hugging my waist and calling me princess. Yeah, a dream. Definitely a dream," Y/N babbled on her own and Taehyung cant help but admire how ridiculously adorable she is. Y/N reached out her hand and touched his face. "Even in my dreams you look so ethreal," she smiles. "And you feel so real too,"

Taehyung burst out laughing. Oh wow, she really thinks shes dreaming.

How-freaking-adorable.

He leaned in and whisper to her ears, "Keep on touching me princess, and something else might go down today," he winks as his smirks gets bigger.

Y/N smiles.

"This is really an amazing dream," she giggles. Shaking his head and laughing, Taehyung slowly leans in, one hand cupping her chin and the other holding the back of her neck as his lips softly touches hers. Wide eyed and surprised, Y/N touched her lips once Taehyung pulled away, smiling.

"Still believe its a dream princess?"

"D-did you really just kissed me?" She stuttered, eyes still wide.

"Yes. And theres a lot more where that come from," Taehyung grins and leans in to whisper in her ears, his warm breath grazing her ears, finally making Y/N realized that she is definitely not dreaming, and Kim Taehyung did really just kissed her. "Oh princess? You better believe that all this is real. You are mine now,"

/////

Everything become official so fast. Taehyung was the perfect boyfriend.YN still couldnt believe it sometime. That she is Kim Taehyung's girlfriend. That Kim Taehyung is really, sincerely, happily in love with her.

Their relationship was happy and perfect. Taehyung never gave her any reason to doubt his feelings for her. They are the perfect couple, even her parents approved. Even when Taehyung was accepted as a trainee, something she never thought would happen.. oh who is she kidding, with that face and talent, of course he would get casted, no miracle there. But what is a miracle is how Taehyung's feelings for her never changed even when he is on the brink of fame, stress and debuting.

Things between them only starts to shake when Taehyung starts to get close to another trainee. Beautiful, talented Min Soo. Y/N trusts him, she really does. But theres also a limit on how much a girlfriend can take to see her boyfriend being close to another girl. Especially a beautiful one that matches him in every way.

What is once a peaceful relationship, starts to be filled with fights and doubts. Especially when Taehyung starts to pay more time and attention to Min Soo, under the false excuse of practicing and rehearsing. Dates cancelled everytime Min Soo called has been a norm to Y/N now, but she thought things were different when Taehyung suddenly asks her out on a super romantic date night. She strongly believe that Taehyung is finally realizing his mistake and is making it up to her.

Dressed to the nines and brimming with excitement, Y/N waited for her beloved boyfriend. She almost thought that Taehyung would cancel last minute like he usually does, but he showed up just in time and impecabbly dressed too. The night went well. Great even. Taehyung was romantic, sweet and everything he is when they first met... until Min Soo calls him, asking for his help for a cheaography.

"Really Tae?" Y/N pouts. "Cant you just tell her that we are on a date? You spend all your time practicing, I barely even see you this week,"

"Princess, you know this debut is important to me and Min Soo is helping me. Its only right that I helped her with hers too," Taehyung sighed, too tired to argue. Its like this every single damn time and he is exhausted.

"But Tae.. you promised that this will be our night. Please Tae? Just tonight. Spend it with me?" Y/N hold his hand and looks at his face softly, trying to find back the man Taehyung once were. The man that made her fall so madly in love before.

"This is work. Dont you understand?! You know how important this is to me!" Taehyung sighed, his voice slightly rising.

"I know it is Tae. But arent I important too?" Y/N tries to control her sadness. "I'm only asking for an hour or two. I'm sure Min Soo can wait,"

"Shes important to me Y/N! I need to do this!"

Y/N's mouth hand open. Did he just said what he just said? Did Taehyung really just said she?

"S-he?" She repeated his words. "She as in Min Soo? Shes more important to you isnt she?"

"N-no. You know what I meant. I meant this is important to me! My career! You said you will be supportive Y/N! You know I am doing this for us. For our future!"

"Supportive in your career, yes! Not supportive when your boyfriend is out with.. with.. another bitch!" Y/N yells out. With her good girl reputation, she never cursed. Not once, but she cant handle it anymore. Her heart is breaking with every second they soend arguing.

"What did you call her?" Taehyung growls.

"A bitch! I called her a bitch! Thats what she is Tae! Shes stealing you away from me!" Tears already rolling down her cheeks. Taehyung will usually do anything to make sure Y/N never cries, but apparenty tonight is nit one of those time. This time he is fuming with anger and he dont even know why.

"Y/N, I'm warning you. Dont call her that!"

"Why? Because shes your girlfriend now?! Then what am I? Why are you even with me right now?!"

"God, what part cant you understand. Its fucking work! And work is important to me!"

"Oh bullshit Tae! Just admit it! Its not work thats important! Its Min Soo! Just be a man and admit it!" Tears are no longer containable and is streaming wildly down Y/N's face. Taehyung kept quiet for a while, most probably thinking and after a while, with a sharp glare he opened his mouth.

"She is so much important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?"

/////

"Oh Hyun Joo? What are you doing here? Did Tae sent you here?" Y/N smiles at him as the car stopped by her side and the windows rolled down to show Hyun Joo's big innocent smile. She knew it. There is no way Taehyung would leave her alone like this. Maube it really just work. An emergency. She should make it up to him tomorrow.

"Yeah he did. Come in," Hyun Joo smiles and unlock the door for her to climb in.

Without hesitation and doubt, she climbed into the car. Hyun Joo is Taehyung's best friend. She kust be important to hin if he sent his best friend to get her. The pain fron Taehyung leaving her alone in a dark, unknown place starts to melt away. She just loves him too much. After Taehyung asks her to get out from his car, Y/N was left alone in the dark scary road, far away from anywhere and her phone batteries had ran out. Scared and terrified, she walks along the darkened road, trying to find safety, still believing that Taehyung will come back. Maybe she can make Taehyung treat her to ice cream and a nice date to make up for tonight. She knows she shouldnt be forgiving him so easily, but what can she say. Shes whipped for him. Taehyung is her everythinf. She will forgive him in a heartbeat the moment he apologizes. Lost in thoughts, it took Y/N a while to realized that it has started to rain heavily and Hyun Joo has stopped the car.

"Why are we stopping? Is something wrong?" She looks over at the man, concerned.

"Yeah. We have a flat tire. Sorry, but i have to change it. Do you mind coming out with me and holding the umbrella for me?"

"Of course I will do that," she smiles and gets out in the heavy rain, holding the huge umbrella over the two of them as Hyun Joo crouched down to the tires. After a few minutes of fussing over, he suddenly stands up and turns to face her, eyes dark and changing.

"H-Hyun Joo? Everything okay?"

"Do you even know how beautiful you are?" He hold the handle of the umbrella, hands gripping over hers. "Why is Tae such an idiot? You are a million times better than Min Soo,"

"H-Hyun Joo? Why are you acting like this? I-is everything okay?" Y/N starts to panic. Her heartbeat starts to beat faster as she realized that shes in the middle of no where and no one to help her. But Hyun Joo wont do anything right? He must be playing around. He's Taehyung best friend. This must be a joke. Nothing else. Just a joke.

"Everything is definitely okay, princess," Hyun Joo smirks. The pet name coming out from his mouth sounded so sinister to her ears. "Now that I finally got you alone, everything is more than okay," he grins and grips her hand, pulling her and pushed her into the backseat, making Y/N fall helplessly on the seat, startled. "Why Taehyung huh?! Why Tar princess? I've been waiting for you for years! And one look from that luing, manipulating playboy and you are suddenly head over heels in love with him?!" He yells as he leans in, forcefully trying to kiss her but Y/N tilt her head dodging his face.

"Hyun Joon no! Please dont!" In panic she managed to kick him hard and pushed him before scrambling to the other side and runs out from the other door. Now more enraged from the kick, Hyun Joo chases after her, lust now combined with anger.

"You bitch! You wont get away with this!" Hyun Joon is not the school's athlete for nothing as he catches up with her so easily and drags her back to the car. Although she tried to wriggle and scream, doing everything she can, Hyun Joon is noticably stronger, overwhelming her in a second. "Stop resisting princess and it will be just as enjoyable to you. I can make you feel so much better than Taehyung can,"

Y/N spits in his face as one last attempt and that just resulted in making him angrier, making Hyun Joo pushed her down on the wet, dirt road.

"I tried to be nice to you princess, but you want the rough way huh? You like it rough?" He towers over her and slaps her multiple times, adding a few punches in order to weakens her resistance.

"D-dont please dont. Help. Somebody help!" Y/N screams as loud as she can but the rain drowned out everything. Using his strength, he captured both of her hands and use the other hand to ripped open the top of her dress.

"T-Taehyung... save me. P-please. I'm sorry," was the last thing she managed to whisper out, as tears that streams down her face mixed up with the heavy rain, closing her eyes tight, already numb from the pain and cold, blocking the smirk on Hyun Joo's face from her eyes.

/////

"Its okay. She wont know. And you know you are meant to be with someone like me," Min Soo smile. Shes beautiful, thats for sure. And just like all the other teenage boys out there beauty is everything. So, erasing Y/N entirely from his mind, Taehyung leans in, his lips touching her, hands roaming at the hem of Min Soo's shirt as hers fiddled with his buttons.

Its okay. Y/N wont know a thing.

/////

Taehyung woke up smiling the next day. He had spent an amazing night with Min Soo and he still has his amazing girlfriend. He loves Y/N, he really does. But temptation is everywhere. And he is just a young hot blooded man. All he has to do today is make up to Y/N with some nice date and all will be okay again. He is sure of it. Y/N was never able to resist him. She will forgive him in a heartbeat and everything will go back to the way it was. He is sure Hyun Joo has taken her home safely last night anyway.

However, he cant find Y/N anywhere the next day. He tried calling but her phone is shut down. Is she sick? Maybe. Taehyung will just go and see her after school then. He tries to find Hyun Joo, wanting to know if everything goes well after he asks him to get Y/N, but his best friend is also not in sight.

Weird.

After the first period, rumors starts to buzz that Hyun Joo is arrested, for what, none of the students are sure. Some says murder, some says vandalism, but nothing is for sure. Puzzled, Taehyung tried to get some information about his best friend, but no one tells him anything. Even Hyun Joo's parents refused to speak to anyone or try to clarify things.

More confused about whats going on in school today, Taehyung decided to immediately went off to Y/N's house, knowing he will feel much better the moment he saw her beautiful smile. He definitely didnt expect to be greeted so coldly by Y/N's parents as they opened the door.

"Hi Mr and Mrs L/N. Y/N didnt come to school today so I came to visit her. Is she okay?" Taehyung flashed his signature boxy smile. Y/N's parents loves him and is always welcoming and incredibly warm but something felt off today.

"Stay the hell away from my daughter and dont you ever come back here!" Taehyung was taken aback by what Y/N's father just said to him.

"S-sir?"

"I said get the hell out of here and get out from my daughter's life! What kind of a bastard leave a young girl alone in the dark after he promised her parents that he would take her home safe and sound!" Y/N's father yelled and her mother starts crying, which confuses Taehyung even more. Is he that angry over last night? But he didnt leave her alone. He asks Hyun Joo to pick her up!

"Sir! I'm sorry that I have to bail out from the date last night. But something came up! I-"

"Something came up?!" Y/N's father move forward and grip Taehyung's collar. "After everything that happened last night, your reason is something came up?!" Taehyung's eyes widen. Did her father know about him and Min Soo?

"B-but sir. Can I just please see Y/N? I can explain it to her. I called Hyu-"

"Dont you dare mention that name in front of us ever again!" A powerful punch flies over Taehyung's handsome face, making him fall to the ground. "You and your no good best friend better get out from Y/N's life forever if you dont want to share his jail cell!"

With that the door is slammed shut.

Still as confused as ever, Taehyung tried calling Y/N every day and night for a week but her phone is soon out of reach. And after a week, he is met with the news that Y/N and her whole family has moved away.

Y/N moved away. Without a goodbye or a last I love you, she left. His first true love left.

And all Taehyung can think about is the last thing he ever said to her.

She is more important than you in every way. Can you just please get the hell out of my car?

/////

"Y-Y/N, h-hi. Its been so long," Taehyung stuttered. He cant believe Y/N is standing in front of him right now. His first love, his one true love. He tried to look for her for years and failed miserably. She is still as beautiful as he remembered, making his heart skipped a beat. He cant believe shes here now, and... and.. smiling?

"Hi, I'm Y/N. You must be Kim Taehyung? Its nice to meet you," she lets out a smile so warm, it makes Taehyung's heart flutter as much as it hurts that shes pretending that she didnt know him.

"Y-Y/N, its me. Tae. You dont remember me?" He looks at her confused face. "I-I know seeing me again must be terrible for you, but please, dont pretend like you dont know me,"

Y/N starts to furrow her eyebrows at what he is saying, a confused look etched on her face, giving weird looks to her manager who only looks back at the two of them with sympathy.

"I'm really sorry. I dont know what you are talking about. Did we meet before? Maybe I didnt notice you at an event? I'm sorry, but I really cant recall," Y/N smile politely and smile at him. "I-I mean, I know you are from that famous group. BTS right?" Y/N quickly corrected herself, afraid she might have offended the big superstar. Taehyung looks at her, dumbfounded. How can her sincere smile matched with what she is saying?

"Y/N! Why are you doing this?" Taehyung starts to get frustrated. "How can you not remember me?! We are-"

"I'm sorry Mr. Kim, but I think you should come with me for a moment," her manager interrupt, bowing politely to them and smiling at Y/N. Sighing and defeated, Taehyung followed the manager with no complaint, eager to know whats going on. He leads him to a corner, far away from Y/N's confused looks.

"Mr. Kim? Is it safe for me to assumed that you have known Ms. Y/N from way back? Say.. in her teenage years?" Her manager looks straight at his face.

"Yes!" Taehyung quickly confirmed. "We went to the same school together! In fact, I am her b-" Taehyung stop himself once he realized what hes about to say.

"Yes Mr. Kim?"

"H-her boyfriend," Taehyung admitted defeatedly. "From a long time ago. In high school,"

"Wait!" The manager gasps. "Are you saying you are her boyfriend? From her hometown?"

"Yes! Did she talk about me?" Taehyung's face turned into a smile. Maybe Y/N did still have feelings for him if she told her manager about hin right?

"Uh.. no. Not particularly,"

"O-oh.." Taehyung's reaction immediately darkened. "Then why did you ask?"

"Well, uh Mr Kim. Seeing your reaction, I can safely say that you most probably didnt know,"

"Know what?"

"She didnt talk about you not because shes angry.. or hates you... its uh.. its because she cant remember,"

"Cant remember? What do you mean? It doesnt happen that long ago!"

"Ms Y/N.. well.. she uh.. she lost her memory.."

"What?!" Taehyung was shocked. What is this man saying?

"Miss Y/N was involved in an accident. A very... tragic accident," her manager looks at him with sympathetic eyes.

"W-what do you mean? Tell me!" Taehyung shakes his shoulders. "Tell me right now!"

"Uh well... it happened when she was 16. She uh was left in the middle of the night, in the middle of no where. Her parents said it was her boyfriend back then, but it cant be right? Why would a boyfriend left his girl in the middle of no where,"

Taehyung gulps. Memories of that night starts flashing back like a vivid slideshow.

"And I think the person who left her promised that someone will come and get her, because he really needs to go. An emergency, I think?"

"Okay! I fet it. That bastard left her alone! Can you just get to the bloody point?!" Taehyung is getting impatient, making the manager looks at him weirdly at his massive interest in the story.

"Uh well.. I dont know how long she waited, but it started raining heavily, and that person did come.. but uh.."

"What?!"

"She uh.. got raped,"

"W-what?!" Taehyung feels like his world is spinning. Y/N got raped? B-by who? I-it cant be Hyun Joo right? It just cant be! Oh mu god, is that why he is arrested? "S-she what?" Legs shaky, Taehyung almost collapsed but the manager hold him, worried.

"Are you okay Mr Kim?"

"W-what happened?" Taehyung doesbt care about himself. He just wants to know what happened to his baby.

"Uh well. She was raped when shes 16. It was a dark time for her family. Shes a good student, an amazing one, and a good daughter," her manager sighed "but I guess she mingled with the wrong crowd? S-she didnt just got raped. She was beaten half to death by the assaulter. I guess he did that to weakend her before doing the deed? I figured she must have tried to fight back... but a fragile 16 year old girl against a man?" Her manager looks down sadly. The whole night flashed back like vivid memory in Taehyung's mind. The heavy rain, Min Soo's laughter, kisses, the sin he did that night, how he shuts down his phone and slept so soundly that night. All those happening while Y-Y/N got raped? Y/N must have been so scared.

No. She must have been terrified.

She must have called out his name, but he... he wasnt there to save her.

"After everything is done, she was just left there, to die I guess. The injury on her head and body was so severe the police assumed the assaulter was sure she would die and nobody would find her there,"

That fucking asshole! He left her to die? His Y/N? Taehyung clenched his fist so hard, his nails left marks so deep in his palms.

"But her parents sends out a search party when she didnt come home that night. Her boyfriend's phone was shut down too. When they found her, she was barely alive and keep repeating the assaulter's name before passing out. When she wakes up the next day, Ms Y/N has lost all memory. Every single thing up to that night. She can only remember basic things like her parents and her name The doctor said she was badly traumatized and her mind refused to remember what happened. In order to save their daughter from the pain of remembering, her parents thought that keeping her in the blind is the best thing for her and move away shortly after to create a new memory for her somewhere new," her manager finishes off. "I was assigned to look after her. To make sure nothing triggers the pain again,"

"A-are you saying that.. she doesnt remember anything at all? She doesnt... she doesnt have the slightest memory of.. of me?"

"I'm afraid so yes. Mr Kim.. I'm sorry to say.. but to her, you are nothing but a stranger that she just met today," the manager looks at him. "And.. we would gladly appreciate it if you can keep it that way,"

/////

"Mr Kim? Are you even listening to me?" Taehyung snaps back to reality when Y/N waved her hand in front of him, smiling. "I am sorry. My story must be boring," she laughs. Taehyung shakes his head and smile.

"N-no. Not at all. I- uh.. I was just distracted. Sorry, please continue," he smiles and lets Y/N continue her briefing about her story.

"Okay then. Well.. thats about it. But I havent finish the ending yet. I dont know if the female lead should end up with the main lead. What do you think Mr Kim?" Y/N smiles at him. It breaks his heart every single time she calls him that.

"Uh well.. it depends. Your manager said this is based on a true story? So what is the ending to this story?" Taehyung is curious. The storyline is very familiar to their own love story but Y/N is not supposed to remember anything, right?

"Well... to be honest. Its not entirely based on a true story. Its more like a memory," she smiles.

"A memory?"

Y/N laughs. "This might sound silly to you Mr Kim, but I feel like I have been through it. Maybe its a dream I had? I dont know, but everything feels real," Y/N smiles again. "I'm sorry. Its stupid right Mr Kim?"

"N-no. No. definitely not," Taehyung smiles. "But in this dream if yours.. are you happy with that guy? T-the main lead?"

"Well... again, this might sound so incredibly stupid.. but yeah. I am... very happy," she gave a sad smile. "But sometimes I feel sad when I'm around him in my dream. Its as if he has hurt me but I dont know. How could he when he is just a dream right? I dreamt about him most nights, but he never have a face. In my dreams he calls me princess," Y/N laughs out loud as if to tell Taehyung how stupid her dream is. Taehyung felt his heart beating so rapidly, it almost burst out from his chest. Y/N dreamt about him. That must be him. Taehyung wanted to reached out and touched her hand but the look she gave him, a look of a stranger, of one colleague to another, stops him.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I mean... it must really be a dream. How can I ever be a princess to anyone. I mean, look at me Mr Kim," she giggles again.

"Princess, I love you," Taehyung smiles at her, hands holding hers tight as they sat under the tree in front of the school field. Y/N blushes.

"I-I... uh," she looks down, face red as a tomato. Its the first time Taehyung ever said I love you to her. "I love you too Taehyung. I really do,"

"Awwww, is my princess blushing?" Taehyung smiles and squeezes her cheeks.

"No I am not!" Y/N blushes hard and hits his chest playfully. "And I am definitely not a princess. How can I be anyone's princess. I mean, look at me Taehyung,"

"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess," Taehyung smiles and leans in softly, kissing her under the tree as the wind blow softly.

"I am looking Y/N," Taehyung whispers softly, his deep gaze boring holes into hers, setting Y/N's heart on fire. "And you are beautiful. Just like a princess," My princess.

/////

"How is shooting going hyung?" Jungkook invites himself to sit besides Taehyung, slurping on his banana milk as Jimin joins in. "I miss you. I dont see you around anymore. Why do you always leave earlier than you need to abd come back later than usual?" The maknae pouts.

"The brat is right Tae," Jimin chimed in, earning a glare from Jungkook. "Stop glaring at me Kook. You dont look that intimidating with banana milk all over your face," Jimin rolls his eyes and turns back to Taehyung. "You are not ditching us for a bunch of "Hwarang Hyungs 2.0" right?!" Jimin starts to panic. As far as he knows, Taehyung co- star is a girl this time. They are not losing him again right?

"No I am not! And stop being jealous of my hyungs. You will always be my best friend Chim," Taehyung winks. "Theres no hyungs this time... but..."

"Oh my god! Are you dating your co- star?!" Jungkook exclaimed with excitement. "Are you finally teaching me how to date? I dont want to learn with the other hyungs, their methods of dating are too x rated," Jungkook scrunched his nose.

"First of all, you are too young to date, so I am not teaching you anything,"

"I am only two years younger than you! And taller than Jimin-hyung!" Jungkook protest.

"Yah! What does height has to do with anything?!" Jimin threw a pillow towards the maknae and Taehyung laughs.

"And two, I am definitely not dating my co- star. I dont even have the slightest interest in her. But... I am trying to date the writer,"

"What?!" Both boys are surprised by Taehyung's bold admittance.

"Oh I didnt tell you? The writer is Y/N,"

"Y.. Y/N?" Jimin tapped his chin, trying to remember the familiar name. "Isnt that the girl from your trainee years? The one you still kept a photo of in your wallet? Shes the writer?!"

"Yeah... and the story I'm staring in is our love story Chim.. but Y/N.. she doesnt remember..."

/////

After spending the next few hours explaining to Jimin and Jungkook about Y/N and what had happened to her, Taehyung was forced to spend the next few hours being scolded and called stupid by his other hyungs after the two loud mouth runs over to Namjoon's studio and tells the leader the whole story, which leads to the whole band knowing which of course means a family meeting where Taehyung was burned at the stake.

"Okay now that we are done telling him what a dumbass he is," Namjoon sighs and turns to him, giving him another smack at the back of his head, "what are you planning to do? Nothing too dumb please?"

"Hyung, I am not dumb!" Taehyung protests.

"Well, all your action so far showed you are," the older man rolls his eyes.

"Fine.. but.. now that I found her again... I want Y/N back. Its fine if she doesnt remember me hyung, I just want to redeem myself. I-," Taehyung sighs. "I still love her. I never stopped loving her. I have been trying to look for her since she moved. Now that I have found her, I need to make her fall in love with me again,"

/////

"Andddd cut! Good job Tae! Thats all for today, see you guys tomorrow!" The director shouted and everyone bows to each other, off to end their long tiring day. Taehyung's eyes immediately spotted Y/N who is packing her bags, ready to leave and rushed over.

"Y/N!"

"Oh Mr Kim, hello," Y/N bows and Taehyung gives out a unsincere smile. He hates it when Y/N treated him so formally, like a stranger. He knows that is exactly what he is to her, but he cant help but remembers all the memories and little things they shared years back. The way she laughs, the way her eyes lighted up when she saw him, the excitement on her face wheb she saw him walking towards her, her giggles and blush when he told her how pretty she is...

"Hello Y/N," he smiles. "Going back already?"

"Yeah I guess," Y/N picks up her bag and starts walking slowly. "But I just need to stop by somewhere first. It has been a looong day for me. And when I had a long day I usually stops for-"

"Ice cream," Taehyung finishes her sentence with a smile.

"Oh my god, how did you know?!" Y/n squeals, amazed and surprised at the same time. "How can you know that ice cream is what I needed Mr Kim?"

"Its a looong day for me today Taetae," Y/N pouts. "I had back to back exams, my english teacher is mean, I lost my science assignment and had to redo it and the history teacher decides to do a pop quiz! I just want to crawl to bed Taetae,"

"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?" Taehyung flashes his boxy smile and grabs her hand.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face," he covers her eyes and uncovers it when they reached the shop. "Ice cream! My treat princess,"

"Well... I think, from now on, everytime I had a long day, I will always go for ice cream then," Y/N giggles as she gigs into her ice cream. Taehyung smile, looking at his beautiful princess smiling so happily. He would give everything for her to always be happy "How do you know that ice cream is what I needed Taetae?"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung winks, making her blush.

"I love you Tae," Y/N giggles. "I dont knkw what I'll do without you in my life. You are my home. No matter how lost I am, I'm okay, as long as you are a part of me. I love you," Y/N leans in across the table and kisses him, and Taehyung has never tasted anything sweeter.

"Mr Kim? Hello?" Y/N waves her hand, taking Taehyung back to the present, his eyes gleaming with unshed tear from the memory. "Boy, you really dazes out a lot. Am I that boring?" Y/N giggles.

"No, definitely not boring. You were saying?"

"I was just asking. How do you know that ice cream is what I needed after a long day?"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you," Taehyung stares deep into her eyes as he said it, her blushing form is a duplicate of that day, years ago, he almost expecting her to say she loves him again.

Just like that day.

But instead Y/N smiles at him.

"Want to come with me and get ice cream then?"

/////

Y/N dont know why he enjoys every little second he spent with Kim Taehyung. He is handsome, thats for sure, but Y/N is pretty sure that is aesthetics is not what makes her heart beats faster than it should. Theres just something about him.

Something... familiar.

She feels happy. And sad at the same time. She feels likes she knows him. She feels as if shes... home.

They had a good time at the icr cream parlour. Taehyung told her a lot of stories about his adventures with his band mates, but he seems to always avoid talking about his past, and Y/N is not one to pry. Afterall, they are strangers, Taehyung is not obligated to tell her anything.

"So Mr Kim, I am guessing you dont have the chance to go out like this often? You know, with you being a universal star and all?" Y/N giggles.

"Yeah. We dont go out like this often. But when we do, we usually go out with each other," he smiles and watch Y/N digged into her ice cream. Cookies and cream, still the same flavor. "You know... we are practically friends now, and we are the same age. Why dont you call me Tae? Or... Taetae? I mean.. I already call you Y/N,"

"T-tae?"

"Yeah," he smiles. "Or Taetae,"

"T-taetae?" The moment that nick name rolled off Y/N's tounge, a surge of vision enters her mind, causing extreme pain in her head.

"Call me Taetae now princess, I am afterall your boyfriend," the faceless man smiles and kisses her forehead. "And thats a special nickname only you can use,"

"Hey Y/N are you okay?!" Taehyung immediately stands up and went to her side when she starts holding her head.

"Y-yeah. I just got a sudden headache. Maybe its a brain freeze from the ice cream," she tries to smile but Taehyung is having none of it.

"Let me send you home okay?" Y/N nodded weakly and Taehyung made sure that she has safely arrives before saying goodbye.

"Take care okay. And take a day off tomorrow if you need it alright?"

"Alright. But I think I will be okay," she smiles and bows. "Thanks. And goodbye.. Taetae..."

Taehyung's face light up the moment she calls out his name, making Y/N blush and rushed inside.

Taetae... why does it sounds so familiar. Who are you Taehyung-ah?

/////

Taehyung was on cloud nine since that ice cream date. Y/N calls him Tae, or Taetae. No more that Mr Kim bullshit, and they spend a lot of time together now. He even had the chance to bring her to lunch to meet the members and of course, just like he expected, they all love her. Taehyung even thinks the maknae is seriously in love with her, but no way in hell hes going to let that happen.

Y/N is his.

Atleast she will be again.

"Miss Y/N, Mr Kim, we will finally be meeting with the actress who played the woman you will be cheating with Mr Kim. We are sorry her scenes has to be delayed because of her her overseas schedule," the production crew informs them as they were having a break. Break time on set is Taehyung's favorite time, because he can pulls his chair and sits besides Y/N, sharing the lunch Seokjin made for him or his manager bought for him, since he refuses to eat outside anymore if Y/N didnt come with . Every second with Y/N is heaven to him and he hope she will still want to stay in touch even after their filming ends.

He cant lose her again. He just cant.

"Oh its fine. I heard shes a good actress, so she can keep up with the filming right?" Y/N asks.

"Yes. Shes a very good actress. Actually Mr Kim, you know her quite well. She used to train with your company before,"

"Oh really?" Taehyung raised an eyebrow. The only trainee he knew that turns into an actress from his training days is...

"Taetae!" Min Soo shouted from the door the moment she saw him, pushing her sunglasses up her forehead.

"M-Min Soo?" Taehyung was taken by surprised as Y/N lifted her head to see the actress who just entered. Upon seeing her face and her excitement in hugging Taehyung, a rush of memories flooded her mind and in a matter of second, Y/N was passed out on the floor, the last thing she hears was the voice of the faceless man in her dreams calling her name.

"Y/N!"

/////

Taehyung rushed to her hospital room, dropping his coffee once the doctor informed him that Y/N is awake. The moment he swing ooens the door, he was greeted wirh Y/N leaning up straight on the bed, glaring at him, face drenched with tears.

"Y-Y/N... y-you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? The doctor says y-"

"Get. Out,"

Taehyung's blood run cold as he heard the icy tone of her voice. What happened? Why is she suddenly like this? Did she forgets him again?

"Y-Y/N? Its me. Taehyung. Tae. Taetae? Y-you dont remember me?"

"No. I remember everything," Y/N starts to sobbed. "I remembered everything now Taehyung! Get out! I dont want to see you! Out!" Y/N yells, throwing whatever she could reached from her bed side and throw it at the dumbfounded Taehyung.

"Y/N no! Baby please. Let me explain!" Taehyung dodge her throws and try to reached oit for her hand but she immediately pull away.

"Explain? Explain?!" She yelled. "You ruined my life Taebyung! I gave you everything! I loved you with every part of me and you left me?! Do you even know?! Do you even know what he did to me?!" Y/N sobs starts to get uncontrolable, sobbing her eyes out. If Taehyung could hurt himself so Y/N's pain would lessen, he would do it. He would do anything to go back to that night and do it all over again. He would treat her right. He would cherish her. He would already be married to her right now.

"Y/N please-"

"He raped me Taehyung!" She sobs. "I remembered everything now. I remembered the pain when he slaps me, punch me. The cold rain on my face. His disgusting face as he.. as he..." Y/N sobs even louder and Taehyung wants nothing more than to kill Hyun Joo if he wasnt already in prison serving his time. "I called your name Taehyung. I called you over and over again. I keep saying I'm sorry. I thought if I didnt pissed you off about Min Soo, if I just apologizes, you would come back. You would come back and save me from that... that monster," she continues to sobs. "B-but you didnt. A-and he keep... he keeps hurting me. H-he keeps touching me. Where were you Taehyung? Where were you?!" Y/N shouted one last time before throwing the flower vase on the bed side, only inches away from Taehyung's head.

Taehyung knew he dont need to answer. Y/N dont really want to know where he is that night. She already knows. But he feels like he needs to explain it to her. To tell her that leaving her that night was the biggest mistake of his life. That saying all those things to her that night... he regrets it all. He wants to tell her he loves her, that he loves her still, that he will protect her now. That he will spend forever to make it up to her.

But everything got stuck in his throat.

"Y/N... I-"

"Get out," her voice cold, eyes closed.

"Y/N, I need t-"

"I said get out Taehyung. Get out, get out, get out, GET OUT!"

Her hysyeric screams finally attracts the nurses and before he could say anything else, Taehyung is escorted out. He was never allowed to visir her ever again, and although Y/N didnt ask for Taehyung or Min Soo to be pulled out fron the movie, she never again make an appearance on set.

Taehyung was lost.

Without Y/N he was lost.

And thats when he realizes, Y/N is his home. All these years he keeps holding on. Living life day by day, feeling empty and lost, because at the back of his mind he is still looking for her, looking for a way back. A way back home.

But what is he to do now when his home dissapeared?

Y/N is his home. And he needs to go back. No matter what it takes.

/////

"Today is the last day of the filming. You sure you dont want to go and visit the set? Say thankyou to the crew?" Y/N's manager sat besides her, patting her back.

"I'll just send them a fruit basket. We will do another dinner without the actors one day. Satisfied?"

Her manager sigh and give a sad smile to her.

"Y/N... I know its hard... getting your memories back like that. I know you feel as if all the people that are close to you have been lying to you. But you know we did it to protect you right?"

Y/N looks down and fiddled with her fingers. She actually understands. She really understands it. She herself hopes that she wouldnt remember.

"I know oppa... but... I'm not mad at you. Or eomma or appa... but..."

"You are mad at Taehyung?"

Y/N keep silence, knowing that her manager really knows her best.

"Listen... I dont know exactly what went down between the two of you, but I have put some of the puzzle pieces together. Starting from his reaction in the first day you were introduced to him. I dont know much Y/N... but I know that he loves you," Y/N raised her head at that. "And you... you love him too,"

"What?! No way! I dont!"

"Y/N... you can try to lie to yourself, but you cant lie to me," her manager smiles. "Dont you ever wonder why you only dream happy things about the faceless man? Y/N those dreams... they are not dreams. They are your memories. Memories of you and Taehyung. Happy memories. No matter how hard your mind tries to rejects him by refusing to remember, your heart still remembers him Y/N. Now... just remember back all your dreams.. and remember it hard. You will see that the faceless man is Kim Taehyung, and you will understand that the feelings you had is happiness, love and missing him. Find it in your heart to forgive him Y/N and give yourself a chance to be happy. A home is never perfect, nor does it only give you happiness. A home is a place where you can feel comfortable. It can be a mess, it doesnt have to be perfect, it has its flaws, but its yours. Taehyung is your home Y/N. Come back home and be happy. Thats all I want for you," her manager, who is more like a brother to her gives her a tight hug and leaves, letting Y/N be alone with her messy thoughts.

Y/N sat alone, pondering the words of her oppa that has known her ever since the incident. Who has been by her side, guiding her through her career. Just remember back all your dreams.

Y/N closes her eyes and collect back all her dreams about the faceless man. The faceless man who makes her heart beats faster in her dreams. The faceless men who kisses tastes so sweet, who words can make her smile for days.

"Princess, I love you,"

"Awwww, is my princess blushing?"

"Well, I am looking and you are beautiful, just like a princess. My princess,"

"Not yet princess. Im not gonna let my princess go back home all stress out okay?"

"Somewhere that can put a smile back on my princess' beautiful face,"

"Ice cream! My treat princess,"

"Because ice cream is the sweetest thing that can even come close to a sweet princess like you,"

"I love you princess,"

"You are mine now princess,"

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen princess,"

Y/N remembers back every single dream he ever had about that faceless man. He always calls her princess. His princess. But its different this time. This time she remembers. She remembers herself, looking back up into the faceless man's deep gaze and smile...

"I love you Kim Taehyung,"

Its Taehyung. Its really is Taehyung. All this while she thought ahes having a fantastic dream of her faraway soulmate. Maybe ut is her soulmate, but he is not that faraway. Not at all. All this while, it was her heart telling her to remember him. To remember Taehyung and all their memories together.

Without hesitation, she grabs her jacket ans ran out not noticing anyone arounds her until she bumps into someone.

"Ow! Look where you are going!"

"You look wh- Y/N?"

Standing in front of her is Kim Taehyung. The faceless man. Her soulmate. Her home.

And she doesnt know what to do but to turn back the other way when Taehyung pulls her hand and stops her.

"Dont go. I am not letting you leave ever again. You can hate me, hit me, kill me, I dont care, I just want to be with you and never ever leave you again," Taehyung pulls her into a tight hug. "Y/N... I love you. I never stop and theres not a second went by that I dont regret that night. You dont have to take me back, but I wont ever leave your side. Ever again. I love you. I love you. I love you,"

Y/N stays in his hug for a moment, tears wetting the front of his shirt. How is it that the man who hurt her so much makes her feel so safe and like she belongs? Is it true what her oppa said?

Is Taehyung really her home?

That one place that is fully hers?

"I-its hard," Y/N sniffles, voice muffled in his tight hug. "I-I understand why my mind refuses to remember you Tae. But my heart is stronger. It wanted me to remember," she sniffles louder, making Taehyung released the hug to look at her face. "I love you Taehyung. There was never a second that I stopped loving you. Even when my mind dont remember, my heart does. I love you too much that what you did hurts me to the core. But I cant live like this anymore. I cant live under the shadows of my past, because between the hurt you gave me, you are also my happiness. I choose to remember. I dont want to forget anymore. It hurts yes, its painful, yes. But I know it now Tae. I know why I always feel so empty even when I cant remember anything. Its because I was never home Taehyung. I need to feel alive again. I need to come home..."

Taehyung looks at her, eyes gleaming with tears from the knowledge that he has hurt the only person he has ever love to beyond repair. He didnt quite understand what Y/N is saying, but whatever it is, he swears he will do anything to make it up to her.

"Tell me what you need me to do Y/N. I'll bring you home. Whatever you need, I'll do it baby. I'll do anything,"

"Tae... you dont understand," she giggles through her tears. "I want to come home. Taehyung...you are my home. And its a mess, a messy, unorganized, abandoned home.. but its mine. Its my home and I wouldnt want to be anywhere else, Taehyung,"

"And wherever you are baby, I will follow. I will never ever leave you alone ever again. Because right here," he points to her heart," is where my home is. I love you..."

Taehyung looks at her with eyes filled with love and determination to make her forget every little pain she ever faced. He will give her the best home she could ever dream of. A home filled only with love, laughter and happiness. And as he leans in to capture her lips, Y/N can feel it too.

"My princess, my home, my everything,"

#bts #bangtan #bangtan seonyeondan #bts scenarios #bts fanfic #bts tae #bts taehyung #kim taehyung #BTS v #taehyung scenario #taehyung fanfic #taehyung angst #taehyung fluff #kpop #kpop fanfic #kpop scenario

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actuallyadork · 5 years ago

Text

Getting started learning Japanese.

Here’s some resources I’m using to learn Japanese and what I think they do well and not so well. This is all based on my own experiences and what works best for me.

I will be rating based on the following criteria: Cost, Is it easy to use?, How much does it cover?, Pros, Cons, Overall impression.

Tofugu

I’m replacing a previous recommendation with this one. Far superior. I’ll just get right to it.

Free. Easy to use.

Pros: articles on just about everything. Theres a podcast. And every month they post resources for learning japanese. I highly recommend this website for these posts alone.

Cons: some content you gotta pay for but as far as i know they don’t duck around with people’s trust. They are the creators of wanikani and they gotta make money somehow.

Overall: far more useful that the first website i had on here. Maybe I’ll add more details later, but I just wanted to update this one as quickly as possible.

Japanese from Zero (video series)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLOcym2c7xnBwU12Flkm5RcLIEhvURQ8TB

Cost: free

Easy to use: yes. Theres a nice playlist so all you have to do is sit and watch.

How much does it cover: You start out knowing absolutely no japanese and by the end of lessons you will know two writing systems. Basic sentence patterns and grammar. There is even a kanji series.

Pros: nothing is easier than sitting and watching videos to learn. You can play it anywhere at anytime. George has been teaching/speaking Japanese for years so he knows where students get stuck. He gives good explanations and examples on when to use new content and when not to use the new content.

Cons: because its a series, sometimes George refers to previous lessons or his book and you may be missing some context if you start in the middle or skip through some lessons.

Overall: The first lessons were painful to get through because It starts out with romanization and if you already know the writing systems, seeing the romaji on screen is like listening to nails on chalk. Not to mention I have a personal beef with numbers and counting as well as the common phrases like “おはよう”

But it is called Japanese from Zero and it is meant for someone who knows absolutely nothing about japanese so I can forgive the painful beggining lessons. Once I got past the introductory stuff the videos became more enjoyable.

Duolingo (app)

Cost: free

Easy to use: yes

How much does it cover: basic japanese sentence patterns, all three writing systems and a handful of new vocabulary.

Pros: teaches new words and sentence patterns and really drills them into your head. Gives you a few new words at a time so you can take the time to learn them without being distracted from all the other words you need to learn. You can go into the course as a Japanese person trying to learn English and really get the most out of Duolingo because the japanese version starts out with Kanji and even gives polite and casual sentence forms.

Cons: very repetitive. I don’t find fault with this but a coworker of mine found this to be very annoying and I can understand why. Duolingo says the lessons will get harder but instead its the same lesson except now you have to review it 10 times instead of 5. That’s not exactly hard, that’s just tedious. My biggest gripe with duolingo is that it doesn’t explain particles or why the kanji has different readings. In order to figure that out I had to go and do my own research which isn’t a big deal but if you’re only using duolingo by itself it makes it harder to understand why you keep getting things incorrect and subsequently how to fix it.

Overall: I will admit I am biased towards duolingo because I’ve used it for Spanish, French, Italian, and now Japanese. I was there from it’s early days when it was absolute shit and it has come a long way. I recognize the issues with Duolingo right now but I know that they are constantly updating. Painful as it may be to keep hearing 六時六分です it really is teaching you sentence patterns that you can use to make your own sentences. You just have to go out and do a little extra work yourself. It is, by far, the easiest to use and the method I use everyday.

TinyCards (app)

Cost: free

Easy to use: yes

How much does it cover: it covers a lot of vocabulary phrases and even sentences. You can probably get a lot mileage out of this one if used correctly and if you’re willing to put in the work

Pros: dozens of pre-made flashcards to choose from and the ability to make your own. Cards come in sets that you can unlock by finishing the first set similar to duolingo. A lot of other flashcard apps work in a similar way except they make you pay for the rest so I appreciate that this one is free of charge. Plus you can find flashcards specifically from the duolingo courses so you can study the vocabulary in isolation rather than in a sentence. Interactive flashcard system. So you don’t just flip cards and call it a day, occasionally you will have to write out the translation in the target language or pick from several choices.

Cons: the difficulty can be a little inconsistent. Sometimes you just flip a card and say I remember that one and other times you’ll have to translate a full sentence in Japanese. Even if you get the kanji right, you may get the answer incorrect because the card wants the hiragana and vice versa. And because there are so many card sets to choose from, not all of them are useful.

Overall: a sister app to duolingo it seems. Cards come from the community of learners and are not limited to japanese or languages. You can also learn about history, art and pretty much anything else. I appreciate the interactive aspect as most other apps don’t do this and the ones that do are muuuch more inconsistent than this one. I found similar interactive flashcard apps that would sometimes show Vietnamese translations instead of English translations. I’ve only recently been using this one but I pretty much gave up on using other similar apps bc they were very inconsistent. I haven’t used it very much though because I’ve discovered that I’m not a flashcard learner. If you learn best with flashcards then I would recommend it.

Tae Kim’s Guide to Japanese (website/pdf/app)

Cost: free

Easy to use: relatively. Just read the damn thing. I get it though. Reading is very tedious

What it covers: It really is a beginner to advanced beginner guide covering the same things as all the above. Basic grammar, writing systems and such. One thing that is very unique about Tae Kim’s guide however is that it also includes cultural notes such as explaining casual vs polite speech. Male vs female speech that a lot of the other resources don’t even touch on

Pros: A very good starting point that covers so so much. The website has an option to show/toggle translations. Additional cultural notes plus examples. Almost every“how to learn japanese” guide points to this website

Cons: one of the reasons I was holding out on making this list was because I haven’t finished going through all the resources so I don’t have any cons for this yet. I’m only part-way through and I’ve yet to have any issues with it. Maybe just that once it gets the point across it immediately moves on. You don’t really have time to digest the content so It’s like a very in-depth crash course in japanese. You may need to go out and do extra research in order to really understand the content. If you don’t understand what is being taught, just read over it again and keep it in mind. I’ve found that I’ll come across more examples as I continue my studies and it all starts to fall into place

Overall: It doesn’t sugarcoat Japanese or treat the learner like a baby. If you read the introductory page, you’ll know what I’m talking about. Definitely influenced my approach to learning despite not having gone through all of it. Like other resources, it builds on top of topics already covered but it’s nice having a book-format with conjugation charts and lessons separated by chapters. Videos and podcasts are nice but Tae Kim’s guide also acts as a manual to supplement your learning. Maybe you want to write a sentence in the masu-form and need a quick reminder? Just flip to the page in the guide. No skipping through videos trying to find the part you need because it’s already there.

Manga Sensei (podcast/website)

Cost: mostly free. I believe theres some extra stuff you can purchase. I’ve seen a special podcast that requires payment and comes along with a free pdf. But for the most part, you get a lot of free content.

Easy to use: relatively. Havent been on the website much so for all i know it could be a mess

What it covers: the podcast covers a lot of grammar points and occasional vocabulary and cultural notes. Gives you a good foundation to build on top of. The website has more details on what the podcasts are about but I haven’t spent much time on the website as I have the podcast.

Pros: grammar points in 5 minutes or less. Differences between common words. Good for improving listening skills. If you’re driving or on a bus, you can learn on the go.

Cons: so much to choose from you kinda have to sift through what you need. Most of it is useful and there are a couple of repeat lessons as Manga-Sensei has a beginner’s guide every year. Because its audio only, you may be learning new words and grammar but you may not be able to identify them as quickly on paper. Best to supplement with some type of visual. I believe the website has something to solve this and I’ve heard there is a youtube channel as well? Although I am not sure.

Overall: If you’re going on a long car ride, folding your laundry or even just working-out, this is a great way to stay on top of your studies. Manga-Sensei has talked a lot about his projects such as his manga, alternate podcasts, and pdf. Even though I haven’t taken a look at all of them, it’s clear he’s working hard to bring content for listening, reading, and conversation skills. That being said, the podcast is just as good for learning as any other method. You can still understand the lessons (which are meant to be short and simple anyway)

Japanese Ammo with Misa (Video Series)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBSyd8tXJoEJKIXfrwkPdbA

Cost: free although she has a Patreon as well if you want to support her.

Easy to use: yep

How much does it cover: A Lot. From basic videos about grammar to more complex videos breaking down japanese songs as well common phrases and little notes that you may not find in a textbook

Pros: Her lessons have a lot of examples and good breakdowns of the grammar and tense. If a verb is in the past-negative tense, she will break down how to get to that point from the plain form or dictionary form. The best part about her videos is that she has her examples on-screen and color-coded. It may seem like a lot at first, but once you adjust to it, it helps to retain the information.

Cons: Because there’s so much content packed into her lessons, I recommend getting a basic knowledge of Japanese first. She has a video series for basic/introductory Japanese. I would suggest starting with that series or George’s series, or Tae Kim’s guide. Just so you don’t get an information overload.

Overall: There is one video in particular that I recommend to watch and I’ll make another post about it, but I really enjoy her content. Even though some of her videos are very dense with information, the comments suggest that its still easy to follow. I just think that while you can still learn a lot as a newbie, you might retain more if you already understand some grammar.

Japanese (app)

Cost: free holy shit!!

Easy to use: relatively

Pros: search using english, japanese, radicals, or drawing the kanji itself. Flashcard system, where you can build your own decks or use a pre-made one. The flashcards operate on a spaced repetition system. Plus it provides example sentences, compound breakdowns, stroke order, conjugations and JLPT level.

Cons: The drawing search method is sometimes hit or miss but i’m impressed the app has this option at all, let alone that it does not crash the app (like some others I’ve tried). The pre-made decks can have up to 400 words or more which is great if you have that kind of patience but I rarely find myself excited to sift through all of those words only to have about 10 of them be useful to me.

Overall: Okay it’s not like this app is super amazing or revolutionary but it’s a dictionary and flashcard sytem all in one. Say you want to keep a record of the new words you learn to refer back to them later? Make a new deck! Or if you’re reading a book or newspaper and come across a word you don’t know? Add it to the list or make a new deck! I try use new words as often as possible to drill them into my head And although my studying has slowed a bit, this app is perfect to double-check spelling and usage. (At least until jisho.org gets an app). Plus it’s easier to learn and remember words when you’ve come across them on your own.

#日本語 #japanese #learn japanese #dork speaks

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gumnut-logic · 6 years ago

Text

Gentle Rain (Part Nineteen)

Title: Gentle Rain

Warm Rain Series

Author: Gumnut

1 – 4 Mar 2019

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: Sometimes it is so gentle, you don’t realise it is happening.

Word count: 3000

Spoilers & warnings: Virgil/Kayo, Scott/OC, Gordon/Penelope, spoilers for Warm Rain up to this point in the timeline.

Timeline: Six months after ‘The Proposal’, almost a sequel.

Author’s note: For @scribbles97 And here we are, the last chapter. There will be an Epilogue full of important stuff, I’ve started it. Also, those of you who follow me on Tumblr will have already read the first Tale of Gentle Rain – I kinda jumped the gun and didn’t want to officially publish it until I had finished this fic…which is pretty close now. So, there is more to come. Thank you ever so much to @scribbles97 who has helped me through this entire fic. Also thanks to @i-am-chidorixblossom and @the-lady-razorsharp who have also answered my frantic calls at various points in time – this fic was a nerve-wracker and I can be really insecure at times :D I would also like to give a massive thanks to all of you who have cheered me along the way. Your comments and feedback have kept me going. It makes it so much more purposeful to write if I know what I’m writing is being read and super bonus if it is being enjoyed. Thank you so, so much ::hugs you all madly::

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

Waking in hospital was not her favourite. She had done it many times in her thirty years and none of those events had been pleasant.

She could smell the hospital around her.

A frown. Vague memories of faces, words, it seemed like dreams, all leading back to that man from International Rescue.

A pair of blue eyes.

Scott Tracy.

She woke with his name on her lips.

And he was the first thing she saw.

“Em?” His voice was soft, tentative, and the hope in his face so strong.

“Hey.”

“Hey, yourself.” That smile of his still turned her insides to jelly. “How are you feeling?”

How was she feeling? A quick physical check and she found herself surprisingly good. “Good. I’m good.”

His smile widened.

A snuffled snort echoed through the room. She frowned. “What?”

Scott stepped back and she came eye to eye with Kayo sitting on a couch in the corner. The smirk on her face was amusing, particularly considering the man asleep in her lap. Virgil was snoring softly, curled up rather awkwardly on the too small sofa, still in his uniform. His baldric and toolkit were draped over the back of one of the chairs.

“Is he okay?”

Scott’s smile was reassuring. “He’s fine. Just tired. Stubborn idiot refused to go home.”

“Why?”

He frowned and she realised that he, too, was still in his uniform. “You don’t remember?”

Remember? A blink. “You caught me.”

“Yes, I did. But you were injured.”

Injured? Her brain didn’t seem to be functioning at full capacity. “How?”

His brow furrowed immediately. “You had a laceration on your leg. You lost a lot of blood.”

“I did?” She reached down and peered under the covers. Her left stump was swathed in bandages. Another frown and she forced her mind to think.

Scott speaking to her calmly, but firmly. Strapping her in. She had flown in a Thunderbird. Thunderbird One. Thunder was right. It had roared. So, so fast.

Then the hospital. Perth Hospital. Again.

Scott holding her. Her blood on his hands.

Worried blue eyes.

She shook herself. She must be on something. She was foggy.

“The bridge? The people?”

“We saved as many as we could.”

Virgil snorted again.

She frowned at the man as Kayo stroked his hair. A glance at Scott. “Why are you here?”

His eyes widened and his expression closed suddenly and considering their recent history she realised exactly how that might have sounded.

A blink. “No, you idiot. I’m talking about the broken arm, leg and ribs, not to mention the hole in your side that was stitched up a few weeks before Christmas.”

“Uh.” Now he looked uncomfortable, almost like a young boy who had just discovered he was in trouble.

Her foggy mind still wasn’t registering properly, but it still managed to calculate recovery times. She rubbed her eyes. “And what about Virgil? You know, the man who recently died.” In the corner of her eye she saw Kayo tense.

“It was necessary.” His stance straightened. “Besides, we had backup.”

“I noticed. But that didn’t seem to exclude either of you from the rescue.”

“There wasn’t time-“

“Exactly! You haven’t given either of yourselves enough time!”

Those blue eyes flared. “And what exactly did you expect me to do? Sit back while you fell off a bridge?”

And there it was, the blatant self-sacrifice that was going to kill these men. “You had back up! Let them do their job. Stop risking yourself.”

“I couldn’t leave you there.” It was quiet, but the words were firm.

She stared at him. “Your health is worth the risk, Scott.”

“Yours isn’t.” He glared at her. “I will not risk you.”

“Me? What about the other hundred or so people?”

His lips shut closed and he didn’t answer. Blue simply stared at her.

Her eyes widened. “You didn’t...”

“How could I not?” And suddenly he was so much closer.

“Oh, for goodness sake, kiss her already!” There was a thump and a groan, and they both looked up to see Virgil rolling off the couch. The man was obviously stiff as a board. “Have at it, I’m getting coffee.” And without a glance at them, he stumbled from the room, dragging Kayo with him. Kayo did grin back at both of them, however, her eyes sparkling.

Em frowned. “Are you sure he’s okay?”

Scott smiled. Oh god, that smile. “I thought you’d be familiar with Virgil Sans Coffee by now.” But he was leaning in and that smile touched her lips. As always, he was warm, his energy burning, reaching out and drawing her in. A brush of his tongue on hers and he released her. She didn’t want to let him go.

His smile became hesitant. “I believe I owe you an explanation.”

“Regarding your habit of flashing hot and cold?” God, honestly, she only wanted him to kiss her again. His hot was so hot. Screw it. “I’ve just had a major traumatic incident. I’m injured, and I’m pretty sure I’m high on pain meds. Can we save it for later? I’d really just like to you to kiss me again.”

His grin was as gorgeous as his smile, and god, when he wrapped his arms around her and took her lips with his, all the cares in the world could wait until later.

-o-o-o-

Em was only in the hospital for a few days, but in that time, she managed to have every Tracy march through her door plus Kayo and her uncle.

Uncle Crispin arrived with Sally Tracy along with Alan. Alan was looking a little green around the gills and the description he gave Kayo of what her uncle and his grandmother had been doing on the plane was enough to turn Em a little green in sympathy.

There were some things that you just didn’t want to know about the generations above you.

Uncle Crispin gave her the third degree on what had happened. This was quickly followed by him cornering Scott the moment he walked through her door on the way back from a meeting with the GDF.

“And what are your intentions with my niece, Tracy?”

“Kip!”

“Uncle Crispin!”

It was hard to tell who was more offended, Mrs Tracy or Em.

But Scott didn’t back down. He took a step towards her uncle and looked him in the eye. And he could. Not having seen Scott standing to his full height, Em hadn’t realised he was that tall. Though slimmer in youth, he could match every one of her uncle’s many inches. Wow. “And what are your intentions with my Grandmother?”

“Scott!” Okay, Mrs Tracy was the more offended.

Em glared at the both of them. “If you two gentlemen do not stop alpha strutting in my hospital room, I will ask both of you to leave.”

Scott’s response was immediate, probably feeling like he was already on probation and didn’t want to blow it. He backed down, but she didn’t fail to notice that he stepped immediately to her side. She rolled her eyes at that.

Uncle Crispin glared at him, but also backed off, stepping back beside Mrs Tracy.

“Now, Uncle Crispin, this is my business. While I appreciate your protectiveness, I find it rather ironic that you are attempting to protect me from the grandson of your paramour, and the leader of International Rescue, an organisation you greatly admire. You have a model Thunderbird and figurines, for crying out loud.” She turned to Scott, whose eyes were bugging out a little at her last statement. “And you, give your grandmother a break. Uncle Crispin is a great guy, I can promise you that. Stop snarling at him.”

Neither man commented, merely exchanging wary glances. God, men!

The tableau was interrupted by Virgil waltzing in with a get-well balloon tied to a blue teddy bear. Every face in the room turned to him. He stopped in his tracks and blinked. “Did I interrupt something?”

Em couldn’t help but smile. “No, nothing of importance.”

His eyes darted back and forth between his eldest brother, Uncle Crispin, Em and Kayo. “Okay, good, because Scott bought you a get-well bear.” He strode up and plonked it on the edge of her bed.

“I did?”

Kayo elbowed her brother. “Yes, you did, because that is what good boyfriends do when their girlfriends are in the hospital.”

There was a silence for a moment and Em stared at Virgil. The engineer smiled at her.

“Yes. Yes, I did and I do.” Scott said the words, but looked a little stunned.

Em bit her lip, but couldn’t help grinning at his expression. She picked up the bear. It had blue eyes and a perpetual smile. Reaching out a hand, she snagged Scott’s and pulled him towards her. “Thank you, Scott. It was a very kind thought.” And she was grinning up at him.

He rolled his eyes. “You’re welcome.”

“Can I give you a thank you kiss?”

She couldn’t help but grin at the grin that immediately split his face. He bent down and, oh, oh, thank you. Thank you, indeed.

The bear was dropped to the bed covers and one hand was in his hair, the other on his shoulder feeling the flex of muscle through his shirt.

“My god, I’m surrounded by a bunch of lovebirds. Okay, that’s it, I’m making a point of being somewhere else for some time. Em, get better soon. Enjoy...my brother.”

Scott broke off their kiss just in time for her to see Alan shudder. Mrs Tracy grabbed the youngest before he could escape and said something quietly to him Em couldn’t hear before kissing his cheek. Alan rolled his eyes and stomped out of the room.

Em had a grip on Scott’s shirt and didn’t want to let go. Virgil was grinning ear to ear. Kayo had a smirk on her face. Mrs Tracy was smiling. Uncle Crispin, surprisingly, wasn’t glaring, but was thoughtful instead.

Scott was staring down at her in amazement.

She grinned. “Can I say thank you again?”

Virgil cracked up laughing.

-o-o-o-

Escaping from hospital did not equate to escaping from the Tracys. Kayo, despite being heavily involved into the investigation surrounding the bridge bombing, found the time to accompany her back to her apartment. Virgil had declared her hoverscoot deceased and promptly acquired her a new one. Her protest at the cost was met with a flat-eyed stare, and yeah, billionaires, money no object, yada-yada-yada.

It was a relief to slip back into a hoverscoot. The hoverchair from the hospital was just clunky and cumbersome.

While Virgil packed the car, she took the opportunity to sit down with Kayo for a moment in her own loungeroom. “I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. I can’t believe...” And she ran out of words.

“Em...” Kayo held up her hand. “Trust me, we are equal on all scores.” Virgil stuck his head in the door and grabbed two more of the small bags she had hastily packed and disappeared again. Kayo smiled just a little, her voice quiet as she stared after him. “We’re equal.”

“If there is ever anything I can do for either of you. Just ask.” She reached out and grabbed the woman’s hand. “Please.” She tried her best to covey how much it all meant to her.

Kayo turned to her and tilted her head a little. “If you do the same.” A small smile. “I hear rumour that is what friends do.”

Em couldn’t help but grin just a little. She felt like a teenager swapping friendship bracelets. The thought was just ridiculous.

But it meant so much more.

“Oh, I’ve got something for you.” Kayo reached into her pocket. “You should keep this on you at all times until Brains can set you up with something a little less conspicuous.” The security officer handed her the IR comm she had worn in New Zealand.

Em stared at it. “Are you sure?”

Kayo arched an eyebrow. “I’m sure.”

Em held it in her hands, the embossed IR logo catching the light. “That is something I’ve been meaning to ask. I left this behind in Wellington. How did you know I was on the bridge?”

“I planted a tracker in your hoverscoot.” There was no apology in Kayo’s expression.

Em stared at her. “What?”

“You became an IR concern. I needed to know where you were.”

“Why?”

“We are primarily a rescue organisation. However, our technologies are advanced and there are people out there who will do anything to get their hands on them. You know this, it has already affected your life drastically.”

“You think they might use me to get to you?”

Kayo shrugged. “Maybe. Possibly. There are a range of vulnerabilities in the equation. The tracker was to protect you and IR. In this case, we knew you were on the bridge and could act accordingly.”

“Is that what happened? Were they after me?” Her heart stuttered at the thought. To be honest, she had already considered some of the dangers involved. It was obvious. She had lost her family to a man who had wanted what the Tracys had.

Something flashed in Kayo’s eyes.

“No, a group has claimed responsibility. Lunatics. Don’t worry. Penelope and I are working on it. We’ll find them.” And Kayo stopped there, obviously unwilling to reveal anymore.

Her apartment door opened again and Virgil walked back in. “Anything else? I think I’ve about covered my rehab for today.”

Em mentally shook herself and smiled.

-o-o-o-

The stop at her apartment was exactly that, just a stop. She needed assistance and the doctors had only released her with the reassurance that she would have company.

So, bags packed and loaded, Kayo flew her back to Tracy Island, and she found herself in the same room she had spent Christmas. Cecil arrived to attend to her every need. The man was a like a clone of Gordon Tracy, though taller and skinnier. A ray of sunshine who never stopped smiling.

Scott bounced back and forth from the island every day, horribly busy, both with the GDF and the Thunderchick squads. Then a tsunami in Japan took every hand IR had available.

All the brothers came back from that pale and dead-eyed.

She caught him before he could escape to his room.

Even though she was prepared for it, it still hurt when he brushed her off. “Em, I’m tired. It’s been a long day. You should be resting.” His natural reflex was to lock it all up and process it alone, the same way he had when Virgil collapsed.

She hadn’t missed Virgil beelining to Kayo. Hadn’t missed her wrapping her arms around him, his head dropping to her shoulder in pure exhaustion. Her leading him away to their quarters.

Scott had glanced at them while removing his baldric and dumping it on the couch before throwing himself down beside it.

She steeled herself. “I’m fine. It is you who needs the rest.”

He looked up at her and the exhaustion and pain in his eyes broke her heart. Reaching out, she ‘scooted forward, dropping the ‘scoot directly onto the couch and took him into her arms, lying his head on her chest.

He resisted at first, his muscles tense, and she was forced to wonder how long it had been since this man had been comforted. She knew a good percentage of his history, had seen the care he doled out to his family, but who cared for the carer? Virgil, most certainly, but he would ever be younger.

Em would ever be older.

She pulled him tighter, running her fingers through his hair, and slowly his arms crept around her and returned the embrace. He didn’t fully relax, no doubt that would take time, but his breathing evened out and he rested his weight on her.

“I love you.” The words came out unbidden. She didn’t mean to say it, but it was said.

His reaction was immediate. He sat up, pulling away a little and staring at her.

Em felt the blood drain from her face. “I’m sorry, I-“

And he was kissing her, his strength pulling her close. His tongue begged entry and she let him in, as he crushed her against him. His cologne was overlaid with sweat and dirt, he desperately needed a shower and a shave, but he was in her arms and loving her in his own way.

She didn’t expect the words, not yet. If there was one thing she had learnt over the last few months, it was that Scott Tracy had a large family, but ultimately, he had been alone for a long time. As alone as she had been.

It was going to take time.

The kiss broke off, his breathing heavy, eyes glistening in the evening light. “Em...”

She reached up and placed a finger across his lips. “You don’t have to say anything.” He kissed her finger, his breath hot on her skin. “I will only ask you for one thing.”

His eyes widened in an expression very similar to the last time she had made such a demand of him.

“Ping me. Come to me. Seek me out.” Her fingers drifted into his hair and she leant forward to kiss his forehead. “I’m here. You are not alone. You don’t have to say anything, I won’t force you to talk, I promise. Just be...with me.”

It was all she could ask.

He stared at her for a moment, words bouncing about his eyes, but none finding his mouth. Eventually he drew her into his embrace, a soft kiss to her jaw, her cheek and her lips. There was no smile, no charm, no Commander of International Rescue, no big brother.

Just Scott Tracy.

He dropped his head to her shoulder, exhaustion in every line of his body. Em stroked his hair and just held on.

-o-o-o-

FIN.

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #virgil tracy #scott tracy #kayo kyrano #em harris #virgil/kayo #scott/em #scott/oc #warm rain #gentle rain

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cosmichoneyedblossoms · 6 years ago

Text

White Sands

MERMAN Shownu X Reader

Genre: Fluffy

Word Count: 2,894

A/N: Okay, so, not gunna lie, this one was hard to write, but also fun! Thank you @xkpopobsessedx for helping me create ideas for this cutie! Anyway, I hope y’all enjoy!

Day One: 8:00 PM

“It’s been so long since we’ve been on a vacation together. What’s it been like, five years?”

“Mmm...” I hummed, scrolling through my phone. My mother tapped my leg, my eyes dragging up to see her face, “What?”

“Put your phone away. We’re going on this trip to get you out of your funk since that stupid boy broke your heart.”

“Can we not talk about Dean, please...” I asked, turning my head to look out the window.

“This four day get away at the beach should help you.”

“Yeah, because the ocean and sand can help me get rid of my depression...”

“Don’t be like that, Y/N...” She whispered and I tuned her voice out as I watched the trees turn into beaches, tan sands fading almost to white due to the season change. The water soaking in the still warm air and bright sun, resting upon the shore line waiting to cover someone’s feet; I bet it’s starting to get cold, not like we’ll probably swim anyway.

“We’re here.” We pulled up to a house that sat on the beach. The siding of the house colored a cerulean blue, fashioned with dark wood steps leading up to the door; even though the house was weathered, it still held some beauty. We stepped out of the car, pulling our luggage from the trunk, and then made our way up to the door. My mother opened the deep red door and we were greeted by the squeals of my older sisters, Anessa and Samantha.

“So glad you guys could finally make it.” Anessa took our mother’s luggage from her, sliding it over to the side of the couch.

“I’m sorry, girls. There was so much traffic on the highway.”

“No surprise there.” Sam grunted from the couch.

“Sorry to interrupt, but will you show me to my room, please?” I asked, Anessa skimmed over me, placing her hands on her hips.

“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. It’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I think the last time I saw you was at Christmas dinner with De—”

“All right, all right, let’s not pester, Y/N. She’s had a long week. Sam, honey, show her to her room, please.”

“Ah, okay, mom.” Sam replied, getting up from the couch. I followed her down the hall to the last room on the left and she opened the door, “Let me know if you need anything, okay?”

“Mmm...” I nodded and walked into the blinding room. Pale blue painted walls, dark wood flooring, driftwood colored furniture, white bedding, and a window seat facing the ocean.

Cute...

I opened my bag, unpacked my clothes into the dresser, then closed the curtains over the windows, and finally laid down on the bed, resting my eyes.

Day Two: 4:00 AM

I opened my eyes to a dark bedroom, the sound of the ocean waves seeping into the room.

How long have I been out?

I pulled my phone from under the pillow, the screen lighting up to show 4:02 on the clock. I laid my phone down, turning on the lamp on the side table, then getting up to pull a sweater from the dresser. I tugged it on, slipping on my shoes, and stepping out of the bedroom into the dim hallway. I padded my way across the floor into the dining room, sliding the glass balcony door open, letting the sea salt tainted air kiss my face. I closed the door behind me and walked down the balcony stairs, down into the sand. The sound of the waves crashing soothed my numb mind, my body being pulled closer to the shore; I sat down close to the water, watching it roll in and drift back out, when something moving through the water caught my eye.

A person swimming at this time of night?

I watched the body move closer and closer until I could make out his features in the moonlight— shaggy dark brown hair, soft cheek bones, but killer jaw line, thick lips, and sharp eyes.

Wow, he’s gorgeous...

He came closer until his body rested on the shore, everything but his head still under the water, “Hey...”

Is he talking to me?

I looked around, searching for someone else he could be talking to when he spoke again, “Who are you looking for?”

“I was making sure you were actually talking to me.” I confessed, tugging at the sleeves of my sweater. His eyes wrinkled as a beaming smile appeared on his lips.

“What is a beautiful girl like you doing out here in the middle of the night?”

“I could ask you the same thing. Isn’t the water cold?” I asked, moving closer to him, the water starting to touch my feet.

“Not really. I live in the water so it doesn’t really effect me.”

“Ah, you mean you’re always coming out to swim—”

“No...” The water splashed behind him and I leaned to the side, the dark red color coming into focus, “I’m a merman.” I got up to my feet, traipsing into the water, the iciness making me hiss, but I needed to make sure he wasn’t playing around with me, I needed to see if he was telling the truth.

“I thought mermaids and mermen were just old sailors tales, not real life...?” I questioned as he turned over, sitting on the ocean floor, his waist submerged under the water.

“We stay hidden for our safety.” He lifted his tail, the deep red iridescent scales glittering under the moonlight.

“What a shame, you’re a beautiful creature...” I ran my hand over his scales, his tail twitching at my touch. I flicked my eyes up to his face, his cheeks ruddied and his bottom lip caught between his teeth, “I’m sorry, I touched you without even asking,”

“No, no, that’s okay. I was just shocked you actually came out into the cold ocean to touch me.” He teased, his wet locks fell onto his forehead as he lifted his hand, “I haven’t introduced myself yet, I’m Hyunwoo, but you can call me Shownu.”

“Oh,” I took his hand into my own, shaking it, “I’m Y/N.”

“A beautiful name for someone like you.” My cheeks burned at his statement, his chestnut eyes stared into mine, his hand pulling me close, “Y/N...” My name bubbled from his lips, his voice hypnotizing me, “I’m sorry, but the sun is starting to come up, so I must take my leave.”

“Oh...” I turned towards the horizon, hints of pinks starting to tint the sky, “Has it really been that long?”

He grunted to my question, “Can I see you tomorrow night, well I should say tonight?”

“Of course you can, if you want to.” A smile spread over his lips, his teeth peeking through his lips.

“Lovely. Meet here at midnight?”

I nodded, biting my lip.

“I’ll see you tonight, Y/N.” Shownu swam out into the ocean, soon diving down and disappearing.

Day Three: 12:00 am

“You came, Y/N.” Shownu laid against the shore, just as he did the night before.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?”

Shownu pondered my question then shrugged, “I wasn’t sure, but I’m glad you did.”

“I actually came prepared this time, too.”

“What do you mean by that?” He asked as I pulled off my sweater, Shownu clearing his throat, “Y/N, what’re you doing?”

“Taking off my clothes, so I can get in the water in my bathing suit and keep my street clothes clean and dry.” I laughed, seeing his cheeks flush.

“I thought you were—”

“Oh, I know what you thought.” I teased, tossing my shorts with my sweater away from the shore and stepping into the water, taking a seat next to him. He cleared his throat once more, scooting closer to me, peering into my face.

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“Has anyone ever told you that you have the prettiest eyes? Especially in the moonlight?”

I laughed a bit, nudging him, “Has anyone ever told you that you’re such a flirt?” Shownu let out a chuckle leaning into me, sighing comfortably, “I do have a question for you, Shownu.”

“And I have an answer for you... probably.”

“If staying hidden was to keep you safe, why did you show yourself to me?”

“Hmm... that’s a good question...” He flicked his tail up, sucking his teeth, “Since I was a child, I could always tell when someone needed something. May it be an ear or someone to lean on, I could just feel it in my bones and seeing you last night, I could tell something was wrong, but I didn’t need to ask since it’s none of my business...” He paused for a moment, his hand ghosting over my fingers, “I’m here for you, whatever you need, Y/N.” I looked at him, his eyes catching mine.

“Shownu...” I felt a blush start to prickle at my cheeks and I looked down at my lap, soon his warm wet fingers brushed strands of hair behind my ear, “Tomorrow is my last night here so, I wouldn’t get too attached to me.”

“I’m not going to worry about that right now. I’ll make the moments you spend with me memorable, to where you won’t forget me or want to leave me.”

“Not like I could forget meeting a merman.” I breathed, moving out into the water.

“Oh, would you like me to leave then?” He huffed, moving out into the water with me.

“No!” I exclaimed and Shownu snorted, trying to stifle a laugh, “Don’t be mean.” I splashed water at him and he chuckled.

“Oh, now it’s on.” He hissed, playfully pulling me to him, his fingers poking at my sides making me squirm and giggle under his touch. I struggled to get away from him, but his hands ceased their attack and held me close to him, his warmth spreading through my back.

“Is this where you kill me?” I joked, a laugh leaving him.

“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve already.” I rested my head against his chest, watching the moon ripple on the water.

“The more time I spend out here in the water, the more I feel myself wanting to stay. For a change of scenery, to get away from my home, away from the memories that linger in that town...” I ran my fingers over Shownu’s arm, his grip tightening.

“Then why don’t you stay?”

“There’s just things I have to return to... work, school... life in general. I rather spend my time here, with you, soaking up the moonlight and avoiding stress.”

“Stress? Why are you so stressed?”

“It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got three more hours until daylight, so we’ve got time.”

“Well...” I went into deep detail of my life for the past few months since my break up with my ex and about how I’ve been dealing with it. Every once in a while Shownu would ask a question and then fall silent again; once I finished my life story, Shownu rested his head in the nook of my neck.

“I wish you never had to go through that, Y/N... You’re such a sweet girl. If I were human, I would keep you by my side forever.” He whispered, placing a gentle kiss on my shoulder.

“You’re too kind, Shownu... We just met and I feel like I’ve known you for forever.” I relaxed into him, sighing a bit, noticing the break of daylight leaking out onto the water, “Time to go, Shownu...”

“Just a few more minutes, please.” Shownu tightened his grip on me, burying his face into my damp hair.

“Just a few, I don’t want you getting caught.” Shownu lifted his head, turning it in close to my cheek, his lips grazing against my skin.

“Alright.” Shownu held me close for a few more moments, short silent moments, before he let me go and placed a soft kiss against my cheek, “Midnight, my dear.”

“Deal.” I smiled, watching him dive down, and disappear.

Day Four: 12:00am

I sat down on the cold sand in jeans and a thick sweater, the sea salt breeze starting to get colder every night. I watched the water ripple, waiting for Shownu to appear. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rested my head on them, my eyes getting heavy. I dug my phone from my pocket, looking at the clock that read 12:10.

Maybe he got caught up with something... He knows it’s our last night...

I hugged my legs, burying my face into my sweater to fight off the cold breeze, closing my eyes.

“Y/N...” A gentle voice called out, rousing me from my sleep. I pulled my head up for the bright sunlight to blind me.

It’s morning?

I rubbed my eyes, blinking them a few times before trying to focus on anything around me.

He didn’t show...

Warmth spread over the top of my head, causing me to look up, a shadow looming over me, “I’m sorry it took me so long, Y/N, but I’m here now...” Shownu’s voice met my ears and I smiled.

“That’s funny... you sound like—” The shadow crouched down, my eyes focusing on the voice’s face, Shownu’s features coming into focus.

“It is me, dork.” He whispered and I looked him up and down, no tail, but human legs covered by the blanket I brought out.

“Shownu?!” I squealed, jumping from the sand to face him, “H-How is this possible?” I studdered, trying to take in his body. He stood, a little wobbly on his feet.

“When my father passed, he knew I was not meant for the sea, he gave me an elixir saying that it could make one sprout legs to walk the earth. I thought it was all a joke so I didn’t mess with it, but then I met you and I needed to at least try to see if it was real... and now...” He chuckled, “I’m here, in front of you, naked...”

“Oh shit, Shownu, let’s get you inside.” I took his hand, tugging him up to the balcony, “When did you get here? How long did you let me sleep?” I walked up the stairs and then I pushed open the sliding door to be met by my mother’s and my sister’s stares.

“Y/N? Who is the naked—”

“No time to explain, mom. Anessa, do you still have some of your husbands old clothes that don’t fit him anymore?” They stared at me then skimmed over Shownu, him shyly lifting his hand, waving— them not moving, “Y’all!” I yelled, Anessa rushing to her room.

“Let me go draw a bath for him, you must be freezing, dear.” My mother looked over him once more before going to the bathroom. Sam just sat there, ogling him, her mouth slightly ajar.

“Sam, go do something with yourself...” I growled, pulling Shownu over to the bathroom, my mother sliding out to let us through. I closed the door behind us and I sighed leaning against the counter, “They’re going to be the death of me...”

“They seem nice.”

“They can be, until they see a gorgeous man walk through the door.” Shownu chuckled at my words, “Alright, merman, get into the bath.” He looked at me and then at the bathtub.

“The what?”

“The bath...” I pointed at the tub and he shrugged his shoulders, starting to get into the bathtub with the blanket wrapped around his waist, “Oh, hold on...” I took the blanket into my hands, closing my eyes, pulling it from his body.

“Can I not get that wet?”

“I mean you could, but the bath is to wash you.”

“Wash me?” I opened my eyes to be met with his confused gaze.

“Yes, wash you. Now sit.” He sat down at my words.

“It’s hot.”

“Yup, that’s how it’s supposed to be.” I took the cup that was on the side of the tub and dipped it into the water, then pouring it over his hair. I grabbed the bottle of shampoo and he cocked his head to the side.

“What’s that?”

“Shampoo, it’s to wash your hair.” I opened the cap and squirted the thick liquid into my hand and rubbed it into his hair, creating a thick lather, and then pouring the water through his hair once more to rise it out. I grabbed another bottle and handed it to him, “Okay so this is body wash, you take this...” I grabbed a washcloth from the rack over the toilet and handed it to him, “Soak that in the water and add some of the body wash to the cloth and clean your body. I’m going to go get the clothes from Anessa.”

“Mmm.” He nodded his head and I left the bathroom, Anessa, Sam, and my mother looking at me.

“What?”

“Who is that man?” Sam crossed her arms, huffing.

I laughed a little, “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, just think of him as my new companion... Anessa, those clothes?”

“Ah.” She handed me a stack of clothes and I smiled, “When we get home, I’ll send these back.”

“Just keep them. They’re too big for him anyway.”

“Thanks.” I turned back and walked into the bathroom to see Shownu standing outside of the tub, a towel wrapped around his waist, “Oh, you’re done?”

“I think so.”

“Well, c’mon, let’s go get you dressed.” I opened the door once again, starting to walk out when Shownu’s hand gripped onto the fabric of my sweater, following closely behind me.

Shownu sat on my bed, clothed in a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt, his eyes roaming the bedroom. I dug in one of the dresser drawers, pulling out another towel and I walked over in front of him, “Your hair is still wet, you’re going to get a cold, goofy.” I gently rubbed his hair, drying the dripping ends, his hands wrapping around my waist.

“Is this what it would be like everyday with you?” He nuzzled his face into my chest, my cheeks burning at the feeling of his warmth radiating through my body.

“Shownu, why did you change?”

Not missing a beat, he spoke, “Because I found someone I couldn’t live in the water with, so I changed...” He gazed up at me, his unwavering chestnut eyes looking into my soul, “So I could be with you.”

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