#also i totally feel u on the manuscript thing

[lingeringscars]

updated overall faves from the top of my head:

cassandra who's afraid of little old me? the bolter but daddy i love him guilty as sin? the alchemy florida!!! the smallest man who ever lived

[roobylavender]

maybe its bc i didn't watch but also its probably bc i dont like how paul dano looks but that man is so ick inducing the gif of him smiling made me recoil 💀😭

i bet he's very charming but in a lot of british period dramas it's always some super pretty conventionally attractive woman and... some guy i have to convince myself is good looking (unless it's jane austen in which case im in love already).

id like for once to be able to not make up excuses for a man. do u have any recs?

no i totally get you like he’s not really nice to look at at all lmao (although ironically he is an austen protagonist. or a made up one bc sanditon was an unfinished manuscript but i do think he fits the bill) 😭 like at some point i wonder is the point for all of them to look ugly? is this a time period accurate thing they are trying to do? i am trying to think of a period drama where the lead is actually genuinely attractive in looks and i feel like i am coming up empty.. (there is that movie with dev patel that i haven’t seen. i don’t know the name i think hiba might) if you would be willing to go for cute instead of hot i thought drake from poldark had a somewhat lovable face. like i wanted to hug him and he and morwenna had a very sweet romance. i was also going to say richard armitage in north and south is really hot but that’s more about the way he initiates and follows through on kisses than what he actually looks like. otherwise i am coming up blank i fear..

[faolan-red-eagle]

I must ask about RU MY FRIEBD. 9, 10, 11, 19, 22. 24, 26, 29,30, 33, and 35 ? If that's 2 many then how about. Whichever ones of those u most wanna talk about. :3 wheee tha k u !!!! (Also if u wanna answer for ur other OCs please do !!) @boethiahsboytoy :3

HOHOHO YAY!! gonna do this for both Ru and my newest oc, Sigdrifa Ironhand (Siggy my beloved best girlie with so many issues) who is an Altmer adopted by Nord parents

9. What is your OC’s current primary living space? Ex: a house, a mansion, an alley, a dormitory, campsites, etc. Ru mostly lives in campsites at the moment because travelling, on a quest, etc., but his home is in Karthspire.

Sigdrifa lives in a tiny apartment in Riften next to the alchemist's shop. She loves it there (and totally doesn't have a crush on Ingun wdym?)

10. How does your OC decorate their primary living space?

For Ruaidri, he tends to decorate with random things he thinks are pretty or he just likes the look of, but despite this his space is never what one would call "cluttered"; as a former refugee he is very conscious of the fact he may have to pack up and leave at any moment, and because of this his decorations are all small and can be easily hidden on his person. He has a small collection of pretty rocks and crystals, some bits of stained glass that he strung together to make an art piece to catch light, some neat-looking feathers and one (1) solitary book that he keeps for the cool illustrations. (He has no idea that it is a perfectly preserved first edition, signed, manuscript written by Shalidor that was "lost" to Imperial Scholars eighty years ago. He can't read. He just thinks it's Neat To Look At, lol)

Sigdrifa decorates like. the opposite of minimalism. so many things everywhere in her shoebox apartment. she is also fantastically colorblind so everything clashes terribly. also she has managed to cram a few potted plants in there somehow. bit cramped but she likes it that way.

11. What does your OC's daily/nightly schedule look like? Do they have any routines?

Ru adheres to a strict schedule of cleanliness, in that he washes his hands/face right after waking up and right before bed (also after eating/bathroom/what have you, his sister is a healer and he does not want to Incur Her Wrath lol). at night he also wraps his hair in a silk scarf because it's very curly, and prays to the Reach version of Azura and Vaermina before going to sleep, that he might pass safely through the dusk hours and so his rest will be peaceful.

Siggy is the Tamriel equivalent of the girl with a twenty-step face cleansing routine lol, her skin is somewhat oily and she has occasional bouts of eczema, so she takes meticulous care of her skin and especially her face. Her hair is also braided every day in a new style depending on whatever technique she wants to try out that day. She's a bit of a fusspot and I love her.

19. How easily does your OC make friends?

Ru makes friends wherever he goes, he's a very easy conversationalist and can unintentionally be quite charming.

Sigdrifa on the other hand is deeply socially awkward and struggles to make friends, so the one or two people she counts as friends are extremely dear to her.

22. Is your OC passionate about an area of study? What got them into the topic?

Ruaidri is very passionate about his people's oral history and traditions, which is both a genuine curiosity and a response to most of his family dying when he was young; he feels closer to his lost family through the stories of his people. Also he delights in telling people what the Official Historians Got Wrong lol.

Siggy loves alchemy and enchanting So So Much, once you get her going she Will Not Shut Up about it. her interest in alchemy began as a young girl, when she worked as a runner for Elgrim for a while and watched him at work. Her interest in enchanting came from her mom, who is a master at enchanting clothing and armor for protection and weatherproofing.

24. What moral boundaries does your OC have? Have they ever crossed them? What happened?

Oh man, this is a hard one! hmmm. Well, Ruaidri has a strict moral code when it comes to combat and like. the amount of honor one is expected to give an opponent during battle? he actually recites a prayer to the Reach god of war dead during every fight, to make sure his opponent's spirit will be at rest after death. The only time he has broken this code was when he faced Ulfric, who personally murdered his mother and was ultimately responsible for the deaths of 90% of his immediate family. He mostly just felt angry and depressed, because the focus of his grief was now gone and he had to actually. yknow. Deal With his grief instead of focusing on revenge.

As for Siggy, her moral boundaries are actually very uh... flexible; she Wants to treat others how she wants to be treated, but she often fails this in practice and defaults to a kind of Anything To Survive mentality. She always feels horribly guilty whenever she notices this behavior and does her best to make amends, but it doesn't always work out.

26. How does the game’s main plot affect your OC’s life? (ex: Skyrim = civil war and dragons; Oblivion = Oblivion crisis; etc.)?

Ruaidri is the dragonborn, and only gets involved in the civil war long enough to ensure the Reach is recognized as it's own sovereign nation and to kill Ulfric and then leaves it to other, better equipped people to figure out. Sigdrifa eventually becomes the Archmage, and gets involved with the Thieves Guild but is not an "official" member. She also joins the Bard's College and becomes an accomplished lutenist. She doesn't know this, but her biological grandmother was the Hero of Kvatch.

29. Your OC sits down at a tavern. What food/drink are they ordering?

Ruaidri orders a stew or soup with some bread at a tavern, with a mug of hot mulled cider if it's available, water or tea if not. He doesn't usually like most ales, and meads are more of a celebratory drink to him.

Sigdrifa orders a bitter red wine and some kind of pasta or a slice of medium rare horker steak. Sometimes, rarely, she gets a fish-and-potato pie simply for the nostalgia of eating a meal her parents often made, though tavern fair never quite tastes like home.

30. While walking through town, your OC is approached by a beggar asking for some gold. How does your OC respond?

Both Ru and Siggy would help the beggar and give them coin, but Ruaidri would also make an impromptu gift of some of the foodstuffs he has on him and probably like. a bar of soap. he knows how important good food and being clean is when you don't have much. Sigdrifa would give the beggar as close to double what they asked for as she can afford, but doesn't offer anything else out of a wish not to accidentally offend them in some way.

33. Your OC has just woken up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about?

Ru's nightmares are generally about his family, whether that is reliving the horror of seeing his parents cut down in front of him, not being able to save his remaining family from something, or searching through a vast city or forest and only being able to hear his sisters crying out for help just out of reach.

Siggy mostly has nightmares of the I Am Becoming Something Eldritch And Terrifying variety, because her gramma-who-became-a-god likes to visit her granddaughter sometimes.

35. After miraculously surviving a near-death experience, your OC regains consciousness. What are the first words out of their mouth, and to whom do they speak them to?

Ruaidri, to his younger sister, a necromancer of considerable power: I know it'll hurt you, some day, forgive me. But please, do not keep me, after I am gone.

Ruaidri, to his eldest sister, a healer: I'm alright now, I'm alright. Thank you. You should sleep.

Sigdrifa, to her parents: Oh. Oh, I'm alright. Mama, I was so scared. I'm sorry.

[coffee---bean]

ok so jesus pt. 1

so january 1st i was walking with no shoes around haberfield. i saw this person who called me over and asked me about my feet and then about jesus. she spent like half an hour trying to convince me and kind of berating me for not believing in jesus.

she showed me this insane poster of hers, covered in plastic and tape, sort of falling apart from being rolled and re-rolled. the images were clearly put together by someone who doesn't have a ton of experience putting stuff together, but please understand i don't mean this in any kind of mean or put-down-y way. i have a huge love for outsider artists, and i kind of consider myself one too.

shit, i guess i need to explain what outsider artists are,,,,,,,,,,

OK

yall probably already know this but the definition of "outsider artist" is basically "someone who is an artist but doesn't really do it the way ur supposed to, or someone who is completely independent from traditional art systems or whatever." so an independent musician who's style is really really weird and obscure and not-the-thing-you-are-meant-to-do might be an outsider artist. it's definitely a vibes-based term, who is and isn't an outsider artist is kind of up to you.

to me, outsider artists are usually people who seem kind of out-of-place in the world. and everyone is out-of-place to some degree, but i guess there's some kind of magnetic out-of-placeness to them. something really divergent and itchy about their persona or their history or work. i'd almost call vincent van gogh an outsider artist, but he ended up kind of becoming a figure of the establishment after he died.

there's also musicians like daniel johnston, who made super cheap recordings in the 90s and managed to gain a cult fan-base of weirdos (especially cos of kurt cobain being a fan of his). his style is really inspirational to me! i recorded this weird cover of his song "walking the cow" just to kind of say thank u to him for existing, cos he lived a really sad and too-short life and it can feel like suffering like that isn't worth it, and what was the point? but also - walking the cow mightn't have saved my life, but also it might have. it's one of the many things that collectively save my life constantly.

the first outsider visual artist i found out about was henry darger, who i found out about through another outsider musician called jordaan mason (whose album "divorce lawyers i shaved my head" is absolutely insanely good)

this is just one of many excellent songs on the album!!! i also recommend "racehorse get married" and "avalanches" ("avalanches" is a total banger and completely changed how i play guitar). anyway this album features a lot of references to henry darger's "in the realm of the unreal". this is a kind of graphic novel thing which was never published or even finished, and yet it's over 15,000 pages long. when henry died, it was found by his landlords and eventually it gained notoriety.

unfortunately i've never been able to read it or any part of it, cos it's really hard to get ur hands on. i don't think it's ever been released in full to the public, which really bugs me. the artwork in the manuscript has inspired lots of my favourite musicians - jordaan mason, sufjan stevens, avey tare from animal collective.

but even still, more than the work itself, the idea of someone secretly inventing huge worlds in private and dying without ever being discovered is so cool to me. i worry about not mattering, and truth is that even if i was a famous artist person, i would still worry about that. making worlds like henry's brings me genuine comfort. i consider my tv show to be my version of "in the realm of the unreal", and its really great having a place to go and imagine the lives of these beautiful weirdos, and letting my friends see it, letting them influence it. and hopefully one day letting them help me make it, letting them create it.

anyway!

one other outsider artist that the musician sufjan stevens was associated with is royal robertson. his work was really inspirational on sufjan's best album (heeheheheheheheh) "the age of adz", from 2010.

here's the best song imo on the album, and probably the song i'd take with me to a desert island if i could only pick one. royal robertson drew the artwork for the album. royal was kind of a paranoid schizophrenic, and according to sufjan was pretty misogynistic too. he had a family, but it fell apart, and a lot of his art is about umm how much he hates his wife??? there's also a lot of biblical imagery in there, very black-and-white us-vs-them mentalities.

the art produced by people who are convinced of some kind of intense delusion or seem to live in a different world to most people is really cool to me. i'm a person who lives in my own head a lot, and i've always struggled to make that inner life fit in with the world, and to try let the world change me enough that i can survive. it's often not very healthy to go the whole way into the darkness, like with royal robertson.

recently i've watched someone who i consider to be a great artist, ye (formally known as kanye), basically become that same paranoid figure. royal seemed to really react badly to his divorce and the loss of his wife, and turned that anger outwards towards her rather than into some kind of wake-up call. i don't really want to judge, i don't know these people. but ye seems weirdly similar, turning towards christianity, becoming more agitated and paranoid, more public with his most harmful and scariest beliefs, and a lot of this really hit it's lowest point after his divorce.

i find the art made by ye before his divorce often pretty problematic, but also earnestly beautiful, honest, endearing, yknow. complicated but very human. and to me, it felt like something coming from someone who is really unwell, especially his post-mother-death work. and i can relate to feeling desperate and needing some kind of relief, and being a fuck-up, and all that kind of stuff.

and now it's really different. when i listen to the newest music, it feels like it's coming from someone mostly incapable of introspection. it's really bizarre art. and that's attractive because it's so odd and unique, but it's also really repulsive and hard to empathise with outside of feeling pity.

anyway, ye had a super christian period in 2019, and his art was really reminiscient of the stuff the woman at the bus showed me.

there's an amazing dunkey video about it.

the merch is so not-normal. idk how else to describe. it's not BAD, but umm.... it's kind of bad? but maybe that's what's good about it? it's just so WEIRD. and his 2019 album is the same, it's just bizarre. he is capable of making regular enjoyable music, he did it in 2018 and he did it in 2021. but in 2019, he just made something fucking bizarre.

i really like this album, but it's weird. i like it because it's weird. i like it cos it's uncomfortable and it forces me to see a world i don't really understand. and when i try to understand that world, unlike the newest material, i do actually see things i appreciate and wanna see.

another example of this bizarre christian art style is this person i saw on the bus this morning.

this is so sick!!! i'm not a christian but i really fuck with people who write on their clothing. i do it too, i write other stuff though.

i think the aesthetic is also kind of similar to memes that combine different qualities of font or resolution or image to make something just bizarre and funny.

i love this meme especially cos there's like 15 jokes. u might not even notice the fucked up bloody bathroom background thing. OR THE FUCKING SNAKE. and the way they edited the guy's eyebrows to seem more,,, sultry???

anyway,

point being i really like outsider art and underground art.

so her poster was really cool! i didn't get a photo cos i didn't have my phone on me at the time, alas. anyway she prayed for me and i went home. i told her i'd try to invite jesus to dinner but i also told her that he better show up cos yknow, i invited him so,,,,

yknow its polite

[pluviophile-imagines]

THE CAROLINE STORY OMG I REMEMBER THAT!!!!!! (tho i mostly learned abt it thanks to her extravaganza of that total scam workshop thing she tried to pull in like 2019) im also reminded of how soooo many "legendary” male directors—like quentin tarantino and george lucas—were totally CARRIED by female editors, who would go back through and like. make their movies into what we consider masterpieces today. obvi thats film rather than literature but v much applicable!

not to continue this rlly fucking long post but i have more opinions abt the fanfic discussion and im making it ur problem JKHSBDF i touched on it a little bit in my ask but..... the BIG different imo between beta readers in fandom vs editors in publishing is that editors do it professionally—they’re paid to read the books and tell you what needs to change. they’re rarely fans or friends prior to reading said book, and even if they are again reading the book IS THEIR JOB they are trained and paid to be brutal so that the book ultimately becomes better. whereas beta reading in fandom is...... more of a social thing??? they’re more often than not your friends, and in my experience most people want betas who aren’t going to absolutely tear up their work to help u build it back up again stronger. And don’t get me wrong! considering fanfic is a hobby i think that’s a perfectly reasonable thing; editing as rigorously as traditional publishing requires is A LOT more work and makes it very difficult to keep up with the sheer quantity that fandom tends to prioritize, and choosing not to edit so rigorously doent mean that the product can’t be a masterpiece anyway (i mean i dont edit that rigorously either!) but that is a big difference to note.

i AGREE abt the fanfic-to-pubbed-author pipeline it is SO interesting to me; fanfic has been around forever, it’s really only been since the advent of copyright that it’s been something to like. pointedly separate??? humans have been making stories & consuming stories & making stories influenced by the stories they consumed since the dawn of time it’s one of the universal things that makes us human. and i am of the opinion that once your work is out there...... its out there. what people take from it and interpret it as is up to them, no matter what kind of art you make. but back to the pipeline! i know i mentioned it with u before but theres this rlly big assumption, both from.... ~the outside word~ and from fandom, that published work is for “real” authors and if a fanfic author is “good enough” they’ll make the jump when like...... absolutely untrue. the only real difference between the two is that one is professional and one is for a hobby ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and anyone who’s really into either would probably be able to tell u that. the bell curve for both is probably v v similar; there’s some absolute shit that gets published and theres jaw-dropping masterpieces of fanfic. part of the fsog thing, imo, is that it happened to be a v mainstream yet VERY kinky erotica, and that has a lot of appeal for the middle aged housewife audience that doesnt do the fanfic thing—the fact that it is fanfic, at its core, doesn’t actually matter that much because fundamentally...... there’s not much of a big difference between fanfic and “real” work. despite what those true literature nuts claim, most published authors would agree JHBDFG and its only gonna be more and more and more common for popular authors to have grown up writing fanfic, it’s only natural. writers r gonna write & practice is the best way to hone any craft. idr where i was going with this anymore! i just find the topic rlly cool LMFAOOOOO

Tbh you bring up some rlly great points in ur response to that asker abt chonky chapters! but first, I will always jump into askboxes to remind people that their writing is for them first and foremost. if a reader finds longer work more intimidating, then it's on them to either brace themselves and read it anyway or look somewhere else. the benefit of the BNHA reader insert community in particular is that there are MANY other places to look! nobody's limited if they prefer longer fics or little drabbles, there's so many out there that it's impossible to read them all even if u absolutely refuse to read one type or another. And it goes the other way too! dont pressure urself to write more bc its what you think your fanbase wants—youre providing absolutely incredible work for free, write it how u wanna. anyway! all that out of the way, bc I also have some original fiction/manuscripts that I'm working on, and also bc comparing fanfic & fanfic writing to "real"/"traditional" fiction/publishing is a rlly cool topic that I enjoy discussing, i have some Opinions abt what you talked abt with bad writing habits. bc the BIGGEST thing that sets fanfic and "real" fiction apart is editing. simply put fanfic is never edited with the same vigorousness as a YA manuscript might be, even if you have many beta readers and you feel like your edits are massive. editing in traditional publishing is primarily the work of other people—an editor who is being paid to do so, sometimes even a team of them; beta readers and sensitivity readers who are also being paid to do so (the paid part is important, bc even tho we care about hobbies we arent doing them professionally!)—and v importantly, theres something you hear a lot from writers that from rough draft to print their work practically became multiple different books along the line. it's rigorous, it's practically half the total work & time put into working on a book these days. fanfic doesnt have that! i guess my point is that you're thinking that, like fanfic, the pressure of what to cut on the chopping block will come to you if/when you do make the jump to "real" writing, but it likely won't. you'd have editors to say "these parts dont matter as much, chop them" or "this is lengthy, cut it down" so your job is to do the work they tell u n trust them lmfao. ofc if you become a diva writer who bitches n moans n refuses to edit that's a different story (and frankly one that's becoming more common as fanfic authors start to break into the traditional publishing world, and writing esp in ya is v much suffering as a result imo) but. well. i dont believe thatll be a problem for u merm JKBAAKJHFS esp considering ur already thinking abt it as for accessibility...... first off one of the benefits of posting on ao3 as opposed to tumblr is that ao3 has a ton of scripts for users that can help with that. but you can always leave a little note in a chapter saying "hey, this is a good time for a break!" or something. or break it up differently! s'all up to you

either way ik ill eagerly read anything u put out 😌 whether its 10k or 30k or 100k, fanfic or original <333

Omg, Pluvi, i love you LMAO sdkjsdklfjh okay okay hang on, lemme squint at this for a bit.

I’ve always wondered if like, this unedited freedom is what’s given rise to the whole, worship-culture of long fics?? Okay, worship-culture isn’t the right term for what I want, but we’re gonna keep it for now — idk, because unless you’ve got a guaranteed audience to sell to or an editor who REALLY goes to bat for you, most publishers are gonna be leery of like, things over 100k???? The chonky-ass book trend has only been a relatively recent thing!!! I remember Tamora Pierce (one of my favourite childhood authors!!) saying that Harry Potter/Stinker (derogatory) really opened up the door to publishers being more willing to print big books, because it was proving that there was enough kids out there who would read them.

And on one hand, I feel like fandom sort of proves that that can be true for a general audience, too. Because you’ll come into a fandom and there’ll be someone going, “omg read this super popular Dramonie fic!! it’s 300k and will take a solid week off your life but it’s sooooo good!!!” (i am not a dramonie fan personally but that has also not stopped me from reading some of the single most popular fics in that ship — mostly because i was listening to a podcast one day that was like, two hours long and was an interview with a really popular Dramonie author who’s fics I kept seeing on tiktok being book-bound???? idk, it was interesting! She talked about how she would finish a chapter in a week (jealous) and then send it off to her army of betas and then post it via her phone while in service at Church LMAO dslksdkljdfk anyways). But then I wonder, like — is it less about length, and more about what you can explore when given the freedom to write whatever you want? And people just confuse length with that freedom? Because I have read some long, long, long fics that I can tell you right now were better off stopping like, 50k in LMAO. And I think being a storyteller (which we all are, really) means knowing when enough’s enough (i say, like my dumb ass isn’t planning an interconnected trilogy sdlkfjsdlkjf).

The fanfic-author-to-pubbed-author pipeline is FASCINATING lmao, because I always think of 50 Shades of Gray :’) Our Twilight-loving friend really said, “replace Edward and Bella’s names and hit print money” and it WORKED LDSKFJLDKSFJ. I guess… more so because it was just blatant erotica? I feel like fanfic is a really good example of the power of hornee LOL. But also that people… want it???? I dunno, the overlap is fascinating. I think a really interesting like, case study in the power of an editor/beta is the Caroline Calloway story, who is like, very, very, micro-ly infamous for like, being an early instagram “influencer” — she likes to say that she pioneered the “long caption” trend, because she (as an American citizen) went off to Oxford University and started using her instagram to like, chronicle the magic of those days — rowboating with Titled peers, spending a weekend in Italian with aristocrats and eating squid-ink pasta at midnight. She would have these long, long captions that were poetic and charming and she gathered a bit of a modest following because of it — and ended up scoring like, a 200k book deal from it? A book deal that she then reneged on because she couldn’t deliver the finished product — because her friend, Natalie, was ghostwriting said book, after editing the instagram captions for her. They’d had a falling out during the process of writing the book and it’s proposal though — so obviously, Natalie wasn’t ghostwriting anymore, and Caroline, under the influence of an addiction, couldn’t deliver. To this DAY, Caroline is STILL promising a book that she’s trying to self-publish, but she’s been promising (and has opened pre-orders) for it since like, 2019 LMAO. Okay, you know what, that actually has literally nothing to do with what we’re discussing here right now LMAO but idk.. it’s fun so I’ll leave it in sdlkfjsdlkfj. A neat little detour!!!

writing’s hard. :’) and i think i personally find it harder than it might actually be because — I worry about it like it’s my job, instead of something i do for fun LMAO. and, ultimately, i am a people pleaser at heart!!! i will only ever write the things i like, but i want the people who read them and like them too to like… idk, have fun doing it, LOL. it’s fine, this is fine. It’s interesting, because I didn’t have this pressure working on my manuscript — I just wrote the story I wanted to, and then the strictness came when I sat down to edit it the first time. I was on my second round of edits when i fell head-first into BNHA and haven’t looked back since :’) but it does need an overhaul; especially at the beginning. I just dread…. going back and doing it, lmao, because idk where to start with it. but i do need to do something with it, since i did love this idea, once, and believed in it pretty whole-heartedly!!! but also: My Hero Academia 😩 Bakugou. 😔 Bakugou, my beloved.

[tragedieds]

alt title: i can’t believe i’ve never done one of these before

 i’m off hiatus! i’ll be slowly... u know... becoming more active on here and on discord as the days go on but this week was so rough. some good news: i somehow got 322 followers while on hiatus and i finally figured out what my next wip after tve is gonna be.

as for. u know. these violent ends:

i reached 50k! or, well. i will tonight. i’m not strictly following a three act structure until i start editing but i do feel the midpoint is coming and fast which means everything is going to become so awful so quickly

midpoint also means soon there won’t be any more fynn chapters bc :( u know. dead

i have to really think abt how im gonna pull this off bc fynn’s death and the reveal of who murders him has to be kind of the twist that sets off the third act and it has to be at just the right place. this reveal is smth i need to be as good as possible from draft one, even though no one else is rly gonna see it until draft two. its IMPORTANT TO ME OK!!!

it’s 208 pages double-spaced without any manuscript formatting. Big

i refuse to go back and edit 50k just yet but i do think there needs to be some massive pov edits. i keep writing in third person for fynn and present tense for ren, and they both work a lot better than what i have now

FYNN FINALLY SAID FUCK, 207 PAGES AND 49K IN 

there’s someone in fynn’s chapters who he has an unfathomable amount of chemistry with, which is very annoying bc that's not supposed to be a thing. anyway fellas is it gay to trust another man with both you and the girl you have a crush on’s lives? 🤔

i had some ppl ask me about this like a month ago: i don’t intend to publish these violent ends anywhere or query it. the only other people who’ll probably ever read it in its entirety are some betas, but this wip is for me, it’s very experimental and personal (and rn in its first draft form, borderline incomprehensible). i really only need to get it to a state where i’m happy with it. will it never see the light of day?? idk. maybe! but i don’t see myself debuting with it

i also promised some out of context lines i like so those are below the cut. sometimes first draft not totally Awful?

I raise corpses from their deathbeds. I consider nothing.

A woman possessed, metamorphosing into a creature she didn’t recognize, one that answered the dark, seductive calls of the things that housed themselves under shadows.

If you cannot run from fate, then bend it to your will.

If she had been marked by Death, then so had Yael. They were two sides of one rotting coin, both inimitable and terrifying.

He’d burrowed his way into her bones, took hold of her heart and declared himself an equal. Someone who understood. And she’d been foolish enough to believe him.

and my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE SENTENCES:

It seemed he liked to fuck with her. That was fine. She could fuck back.

[whencallstheheart]

We’ll find out tonight if our predictions are correct! 

Responses to the written questions are under the cut.

Where is Ned and what is he doing?

No idea

Business trip

Dealing with some financial issues.

Doing business in UC or Hamilton. Nothing major

He stayed behind next episode and will be back in the finale.

I think planning something for Florence, maybe expansion for the mercantile?

I don't know

I have no idea, wth!?!?

Yo i have no idea. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say he's trying to contact Florence's daughter who wasnt there for the wedding

Maybe he's visiting his daughter? Or expanding the Mercantile somehow

With Mike. Oil pipeline

Hiding

It sure

I have no clue honestly, maybe planning a surprise for Florence?

Perhaps...expanding his store? Or ordering something new to begin to be shipped to his.

something related to factory

Sussing out suppliers

Maybe something to do with the Wyman guy?

visiting his daughter

Buying a new house or a surprise for Florence

Visiting Abigail

Planning something special for Florence

He is doing something with his daughter

No clue

With his daughter

Planning to expand the mercantile to include deliveries (Hope Valley Amazon) lol

Not sure

I really dont know!

Made out a Will since he now is married to Florence

Business in Union City

Business, but he’ll be back

I don’t Know

I dont know. This one threw me!

Literally have no idea

maybe he will come back with his daughter who will come to live at HP

some sweet surprise/gift for Florence

He is involved im some growth in HV.

Taking care of business.

He's making a business deal somewhere

I have no idea. I think it was a weird to put in o.O

Making purchases for the store.

Business stuff somewhere

I don't know

i don't know

ned things

He just took the long way home...

Adopting Flo's son

Hiding

He is picking up a surprise order gift for Florence, and it’s taking longer than expected.

Fighting attempt to take over mercantile

Talking to a divorce lawyer. Or putting a pillow over Abigail's mom's face so she can bury her already and come back to Hope Valley for his buddy Henry's sake.

Honestly I’m not sure but interested to find out!

Idk honestly. Probably actually doing something sweet for Florence but she doesn't know it.

What's up with the Pinkertons?

Not sure

A storyline to bring a change of pace to the show.

I really Don’t know

Not sure, but I don’t think it will be resolved this season, maybe it’s the cliffhanger?

I don't know

They’re hired thugs like they were in S1, just there to show Walden is a bad guy despite appearances

Factory related

Up to no good! Don’t trust them.

Yo i dont even know. They look totally sketch but they are probably the good guys actually. I'm predicting they are after someone who's been wanted for a long time. I think it may be too easy to link them with the guy who took Jesse and Clara's money

Not sure yet

Working for Waldon

Railroad

Sneakily buying land

I couldn't care less about them

Perhaps something is in the cabin/someone they don't want found.

No idea

Something to do with the mine disaster (even though it's been ages).

we will see in season 9

Setting up a good storyline for season 9

Not sure maybe something to do with the new factory that might be built

Maybe it has to do with Henry

I have no idea, but I do not like them!

No good

Buying all the land

They have Jesse. Someone wants to reopen the mine and seek revenge on Elizabeth for his son going to jail (Spurlock).

Looking for some kind of hidden good

Shady dealings going on

Guarding the future factory site. But something extra at the cabin connected with Spurlock.

Trouble

?

An even bigger I dont know on this one. Like, what in the world???

Holding Jesse captive

I think they kidnapped Jesse because he found out what they were up to but I have no idea what that is

stumped on this one

That is difficult. He is apparently connected to S1 Spurlock. Is he there for revenge? Or, just a heavy hand like his relative?

Revenge? They want to take over Hope Valley.

Something sketchy, probably bigger than just whatever is going on with the cabin though.

Land grab

No clue but they'll be one of the big bads next season

They are probably the goons of the Industry dude

They are working for somebody bigger.

They want to take over the town

I don't know

i'm worried about Nathan

idk they are the bad daddys of the season

they can only be there to cover up a crime, or some valuable find

No clue

They’re wanting to uproot Hope Valley for better business by destroying the town.

Keeping identity of mastermind safe from townspeople.

Maybe looking for Ned, who alternatively is a serial killer and now on the run. Possibly for the murder of Abigail's mother?

I’m so confused lol

Creating a monopoly & doing some villain nonsense (as it would seem the show is hinting).

Any other thoughts going into the finale?

No

There will be at least one surprise- not sure what

There are too many loose ends to tie up in one episode and I just want Elizabeth and Nathan together (and perhaps quickly married in this episode!)

I’m honestly really nervous, I’m rooting for Nathan but I have a feeling she’ll go for Lucas, I really don’t mind Lucas as a character but like what storylines can they do with them as a couple? The manuscript is finished, they’ve gone on every sort of date at this stage and she’s been in his office. What else can they do? With Nathan they can do the being scared because of his job again but making it different, there’s children involved now, it’s not just Elizabeth. Jack won’t understand but Allie will 100% feel worried for him. Also Allie having a mother figure, especially at this stage in her life, how could you not want it! The blended family as the main family would be so nice for this show, I know it’s been done before but they will be fairly front and centre in the show. Sorry for the rant, I love your blog so much! I don’t have tumblr so I can’t leave comments or like your gifs but I thoroughly enjoy all your theories and opinions!!

Just ready for this stupid love triangle to be over!

I’d love to actually see Henry meet up with Abigail, but doubt it. I hope they have Clara do something heroic for Jesse, but also doubt it. Henry will definitely be putting Hickam in charge at least temporarily. I think Ned will return but we won’t get a full explanation yet. And the dramatic ending won’t be the triangle choice, it’ll be Elizabeth losing the school.

Allie’s adoption finalized and reaction to Elizabeth choosing Nathan is something we should see.

Glad the triangle will be DONE!!

I hope that Elizabeth follows her heart and not pick someone who is a safe option.

I wish Faith were leaving instead of Carson. Also, I think there will be lots of set up for problems with the school board and Elizabeth. Also, I want more little Jack scenes but i don't think we'll get much since child acting laws and covid combined make that difficult

Excited for Elizabeth to move on from her past and enter a new adventure with either of the two men and really just everything else (Rosie and Lee, Fiona, Henry.)

I hope Faith doesn’t end up with whoever doesn’t get chosen by Elizabeth.

hopefully the finale will clear up the drawn out love triangle

The triangle was waaaaay drawn out. Be done and choose.

Nathan and Faith......would be great......

No matter who Elizabeth chooses I'm SOOOO READY to get this over with!

Kindness matters - no matter who she chooses. Isn't that why most of us watch the show

I am so over the love triangle and just want to know who Elizabeth picks.

Worried about the fandom more than anything

Elizabeth please pick Nathan

It's just a TV show and no matter what , it's there for our entertainment. I do think they're setting things up for the return of Abigail in some way.

The must be a Season 9!!!

I hope Fiona does not get involved with Mike.

Hopefully things get back to normal for Elizabeth and Rosemary

Interested to see the other storylines. I want Elizabeth to choose Nathan but I think JT will throw us off. From the promo pic, it looks like they will try to put Faith with Nathan.

- I just want Elizabeth to chose so that this storyline can come to an end and we can finally get to see her marriage and functioning has a wife. - Wonder what will become of Lucas once her choice is made. - I would like Lucas to have a proper storyline that doesn't involve Elizabeth or the love triangle. - I would love to see Rosemary and Lee finally become parents however that may happen. I feel like the writer just left them in limbo about it and keep teasing but never delivering on anything.

Hopefully will end with Nathan but the very last minute. I would prefer more romance before the finale

Elizabeth will have to decide on what’s important with school.

Jack might make an appearance in a dream scene?

So excited! I hope I don't wake up my kids while watching.

I hope they don’t pick Lucas

CLARA DISCOVERS SHE IS PREGNANT

?

Just excited for this to be over. I know we needed it and I think overall it was handled decent enough, but I'm glad to finally move on.

Why is everyone so scared?

The whole season has been about getting over your fear. Elizabeth doesn’t have to deal with her emotions or real life with Lucas because school is out for the summer and she is working on her book. She needs to make up with Rosemary and get over the loss of Jack and fear to be with Nathan.

this season has been totally not what I expected...I thought the hug at end of season 7 was definitive and we'd get at least some Nathan courtship, not a complete U-turn to Lucas (with hopefully a turn to Nathan at the very end). I now think Season 9 will be what I expected season 8 to be, and I am very much looking forward to that.

Something sudden will allow Elizabeth to bring her feelings to light for everyone...Nathan. I think she will have decided by the time she takes of the rings, but will not have the opportunity to share with the man until later. Until she faces the prospect of him being in danger again? Full circle from the end of S7.

I need Elizabeth to really apologize to Rosemary. Rosemary has always been there for Elizabeth.

I’m so afraid :(

Hated the triangle

I am so ready to finally move on from this triangle!

They put waaaay too many storyline in the last 2 episodes, they will never manage to conclude them all and we'll have another weird random cliffhanger which will not tie in with the Christmas episode (If we're getting one ?)

I hope the guy who loses, has a good life in later seasons

The annoying love triangle will finally end. Elizabeth/Nathan are endgame, unless Jack suddenly comes back from the dead. But, I doubt it. I hope Lee/Rosemary are pregnant, or decide to adopt children. I just want Lee/Rosemary to have children. Can't wait to see how this season ends. Hopefully, it won't be a cliffhanger.

Nervous as hell

Elizabeth and Nathan get married

i kinda hope someone dies tbh it would make everything more interesting

Elizabeth was so tiresome this season, they could have told her story of overcoming grief in a much more relatable way. Why did they not just have her talking to Rosemary about how sad or exhausted or numb or angry she feels all the time? You know, something a widow would actually go through. At the very least she could have been stoic, instead she was just kinda bitchy.

Faith and Nathan will have some sparks; Elizabeth will choose Lucas and they will kiss twice one being at bridge one being at her home inside with baby jack present.Carson will leave; Jessie will be found; Ned will come back safely.

Lucas endgame, Nathan and faith have sparks, Rosemary paper, Jessie and Clara make up.

I think Henry will take his own advice and leave to find Abigail to see if there is still any hope for them. Though I like his character, I want him to finally be happy, and if that means staying with Abigail, then that’s what it means. I don’t think TPTB will bring back Lori soooo.... that means Henry would be the one possibly leaving. I also think some scare will happen with Nathan between him and the Pinkertons. Then it may come full circle at the end where Elizabeth runs to him like she did last season, but instead of hugging him, she’ll kiss him instead.

Hallmark execs dictated ending and will cut salaries to bring back Abigail, hence Paul leaving.

My condolences to whichever guy gets to look forward to being bored by Elizabeth for the rest of his life. Are we sure Jack's death wasn't a suicide?

Ready to see how it ends and already looking forward to next season!

I will be really disappointed if she chooses Lucas but I’m afraid that’s where it’s headed. Either way I don’t understand how they’ll end in “the healthy place” they’ve said it will be with so much left for one episode.

[riversofmars]

Happy Sunday, everyone!! <3 Here is the next encounter of the “Big, Vast, Complicated and Ridiculous“ Series! Round two at Luna U... just a bit earlier! ;)

Rating: General

Word Count: 1800

Read on AO3 or below

Luna University Part II

“Mind out!“ The Doctor stumbled back into the broom closet she’d parked and hidden her TARDIS in. The warning came just in time as someone zoomed past on a hoover board, nearly taking her head off.

“Alright then…“ The Doctor closed the closet door quickly in the hopes no-one would notice where she’d come from. She looked around and wondered if she’d taken a wrong turn in the vortex somewhere. Luna University - which this quite clearly was, she recognised the corridor from her visit just now - resembled a mad house. The corridor was a mess, there were paper cups and spilled drinks, abandoned books, half eaten dinners and items of clothing. “Oh no…“ The Doctor winced as she realised where and most importantly when she had arrived: Fresher’s week.

Slowly the Doctor made her way down the corridor, unsure of what to do next. River had to be here somewhere… She rolled up the manuscript and stuck it into her coat pocket for safe keeping. If she had calculated correctly and the TARDIS hadn’t messed with her flight plan again, River should be in her final year of her degree. An upper classman who surely should be above something as silly as freshmen parties… but this was River Song as a uni student… Young, wild… and currently downing a drink at some speed as the Doctor reached the communal area of the the student halls.

“Where… do-do you put all… that…“ The student River had apparently been competing with could hardly get his words out right and he spilled the remainder of his drink across the table.

River jumped out of the way of the liquid and laughed, shaking out her impressive mane of hair.

“I have a theory that in addition to an extra heart, there’s also an extra liver hiding in there somewhere.“ River retorted with a winning smile drawing laughter from the surrounding students.

The Doctor hung back, watching. River appeared to be in her element. Loud, bold, people were fawning over her and she was loving the attention. The Doctor chuckled to herself a little, remaking again on the vast contrast to the River she’d last met. It was remarkable how much she had changed with time and how much she had stayed the same as well.

“But before we go for another round, I do have one question…“ River took a sip of the gin and tonic  someone handed to her. “You, Darling, don’t go to this university, I would have noticed.“ River turned to look at the Doctor who jumped, startled, not expecting her to notice her at all. “So what are you doing here?“

“I uhh…“ The Doctor didn’t know what to say, she looked around to make sure River was actually referring to her. Suddenly all eyes were on her as she hovered in the doorway.  

“I mean, I’m not one to complain when a cute girl turns up on my doorstep…“ River smirked making her way over, leaving her admirers behind disappointed.

“River…“ The Doctor forced a smile, wondering how to best approach this situation. She thought back to the Maldovarium. River had indicated she’d met her then so this must have been that encounter.

“I see my reputation precedes me as usual.“ River smirked, flicking her hair over her shoulder. “And you are?“ She placed her hand on the doorframe, baring her way.

“Jane… Smith…“ The Doctor answered slowly, trying to keep the chronology intact.

“You expect me to believe that, Jane Smith?“ River burst out laughing as she seized her up. “Why have I never seen you around campus before?“

“Recent transfer.“ The Doctor retorted quickly, feeling the pressure.

“Is that so.“ River tilted her head to one side and grinned like a cheshire cat. “What is it you study, Jane Smith?“

“Archeology.“ The Doctor answered, hoping that was her best play.

“Isn’t that one hell of a coincidence.“ River hummed, stepping a little closer still. Close enough to make the Doctor inch back nervously.

“Yes, I know, that’s why I… I was hoping we could talk… professionally.“ The Doctor glanced over her future wife’s shoulder to the other students that were watching curiously.

“Well, Sweetie, you can talk to me any time but no promises I’ll be keeping it professional…“ River husked with a smirk that made the Doctor blush and her hearts beat a little faster. So this was what young River Song was like. She hadn’t had much of a chance to get to know her at the Maldovarium but maybe there was an opportunity now… The Doctor had just spent a wonderful night with her wife but still, she was drawn to this brazen version of her just as strongly. The River she had seen just now she’d known very well, but this young River, she didn’t, at all.

If the Doctor didn’t give herself away, as the older River had suggested, it would be a glimpse at what she was like when she thought no-one was watching. When she didn’t have to be good River Song, the wife of the Doctor, but her unpolished, unfinished self… so full of energy and mischief. It was alluring in a totally different way to the loving safety and warm comfort her older wife had given her.

“Well, maybe you don’t have to.“ The Doctor found herself saying, silencing all her contradicting thoughts about what she should or shouldn’t do. Why not live a little?

“How about that drink then, Jane Smith?“ River appeared delighted, she reached out and ran her fingers along one of her yellow braces.

“Sure, yeah…“ The Doctor nodded, her throat was getting rather dry after all.

“Outstanding.“ River grinned and went to fetch her a drink. The Doctor remained standing in the doorway, unsure whether to follow her or not. She felt everybody’s eyes on her and it was making her uncomfortable. “There you are.“ River returned moments later, placing a glass in the palm of her hand before stroking her fingers up the Doctor’s arm with a grin.

“How about we take it somewhere more quiet so we can talk?“ The Doctor asked, very much aware of their audience and she wanted to have River to herself. River raised her eyebrows with a smirk, this was infinitely more easy than she had anticipated but she wasn’t going to complain.

“Come along then.“ She grabbed the Doctor’s hand and pulled her down the corridor to a chorus of disappointed calls of the students they were abandoning.

From there, things happened very quickly, quicker than the Doctor had anticipated. River shoved her up against her dorm room door once she’d closed it and assaulted her lips with her own. The Doctor gasped, overwhelmed, spilling her drink over the both of them.

“Ah well, that’s a shame, we’re gonna have to take our clothes off now.“ River smirked. She slid her jacket off her shoulders and threw it onto her chair, then pulled her tank top over her head and off. The Doctor just stared at her, her head spinning. It was silly really, she knew every inch of her wife’s body very well but the way this young River was advancing towards her, flipping her hair back…

“I uhh…“ The Doctor tired her best to look at her face, not her lacy bra. Her mouth went dry.

“Something the matter, Sweetie?“ River hummed as she slowly pushed the Doctor’s coat off her shoulders, she pressed her lips to her throat, trailing wet kisses down to her collar bone. The coat fell to the floor and River pushed her hands under the Doctor’s t-shirt, running her fingers up her stomach.

“Oh crap…“ The manuscript the Doctor had left in her coat pocket had fallen out and spilled over the floor. The Doctor pulled away from River and bent down to pick it up before the pages could get mixed up.

“Lost something?“ River asked in amusement, watching her scramble around the floor. She bent down as well and picked up a couple of pages. “What’s this?“ River frowned, her voice suddenly far more serious as she skimmed the pages. “Is this some kind of a joke?“

“Uhh… no, this is…“ The Doctor didn’t really know what to say, she hadn’t gotten as far as that in her planning of this trip. Was she supposed to just tell her her future self sent this with kind regards?

“Cause this is exactly the topic I’m planning to write my thesis on, I’ve got notes detailing this section and… What is this? Where did you get it?“ There was no small measure of distrust in River’s voice now as she demanded an explanation.

“This is actually why I’m here…“ The Doctor decided it was best to just come clean, she knew River would be able to tell if she was lying. “There is someone out there that wants you to have it. Save you some time…“ She tried to explain.

“Someone? I haven’t told anyone about my topic yet!“ River countered.

“Well, it’s not just anyone…“ The Doctor gave an apologetic smile but River’s expression just grew more suspicious. “Okay fine, your future self asked me to take this to you. You wrote this yourself but a long time from now. Happy?“ The Doctor sighed, hoping the revelation wouldn't have any consequences. She figured technically, River would eventually have to find out it was her that wrote the thesis for herself, so she would know to write it in the future.

“That… does sound like something I would do…“ River admitted taking the rest of the papers, mulling over whether or not to believe her.

“I’m just the messenger.“ The Doctor held her hands up defensively. “You do with this what you like.“

“So… if you know my future self… you must be from my future, too.“ River stood up and so did the Doctor.

“Oh, no, no, who’s to say your future self didn’t come to visit me?“ The Doctor countered quickly, she knew she shouldn’t be telling her too much.

“I’m saying that.“ River pointed out, jabbing the pages at her. “And that means, either you have access to time travel or you know someone that does!“

“Now listen… River…“ The Doctor could virtually see the gears turning in her future wife’s head.

“Who are you?“ River asked suspiciously. “Your name is not Jane Smith, that’s for sure.“

“I think I best get going.“ The Doctor picked up her coat quickly. “This was great, really nice, but…“ She fumbled with the door knob.

“How did you get here? What’s your means of travel?“ River carried on, intrigued. “And how will we know each other?“

“I was really hoping we could have a bit more time for this one…“ The Doctor sighed, realising this was just another fleeting moment. “Sorry about this.“ She knocked the pile of papers out of River’s hand, sending them flying to distract her future wife long enough so she could bolt.

[kikyozoldyck]

crappy birthday

PAIRING: hidan x reader SUMMARY: your soulmate is shit at birthdays WARNINGS: swearing, violence, descriptions of murder, shitty poetry courtesy of hidan

You wake up on your birthday and don’t feel any different. You go about your daily routine like you do every other day because, as far as you’re concerned, today is like every other day. You’re hardly expecting chocolates because you have no significant other or even friends who might give you sweets to snack on, and even before the incident, you were hardly one to celebrate yourself, although you vaguely remember your parents throwing some ridiculous party for you every year, in fact, your last real, clear memory of them is the three-tiered, casino-themed birthday cake your mother made for you (and proceeded to bleed out all over later that same evening.) 

Oh, well. C’est la vie, and all that, right?

It’s a nice day, you notice once you’ve gotten dressed and wandered out into your kitchen. Not too cold, and certainly not too hot, with a nice breeze, perfect for enjoying a morning that cute little tea shop down the street, with some tea and scones and a book to keep you company.

It’d be nice to share it with someone, if you had anyone. 

(You do have one person, your mind supplies unhelpfully, you’ll always have him.)

You ignore that one, disgusting, traitorous thought in favor of grabbing a worn paperback off your shelf, tying your coat around your waist, toeing on your shoes, and opening your front door.

And then you stop in your track and stare. At the body. On your doorstep

“What the fuck, Hidan?” You swear to yourself, though, you can’t say that you’d be too surprised if the creepy fuck just happened to be close enough to hear it. 

And then Mrs. Sato from next door comes out, humming merrily under her breath as she locks the door behind her before turning to you.

“Good morning, dear. Such a lovely day, isn’t it?”

You smile back, just a little fixedly. “The loveliest.”

“Oh, well! Best enjoy it while it lasts!” Mrs. Sato bobs her grey head a few times and toddles past, stepping around the corpse, like it isn’t there. “Have a nice day, dear.”

“You too, Mrs. S.” You reply politely, finger tapping impatiently against the doorframe as you wait for her to disappear down the stairwell. Then you’re crouching down in the blink of an eye, every sense zeroing in on the body, and that’s when you realize, the body is still breathing.

And that means there’s definitely some weird, ancient, Jashinist ninjutsu involved because aside from the fact that your next-door neighbor didn’t so much as bat an eyelash as she passed, there’s also 1) a hole carved into the chest of the body, meticulously and precisely heart-shaped, just big enough for you to peer inside and watch the exposed organ beat, and 2) the body isn’t just anybody, it’s your childhood rival — Funai Yuka.

You stare for a moment longer, oddly mesmerized by the physical thump of the blood-red heart that you can both hear and see. It is so gorgeously delicate in this one moment, under your complete mercy.

Then, cautiously, you reach out and tug lightly at one tail of the intricately tied bow around Funai’s arms and torso, just below her breasts but above her bound wrists. It is also linked with a red ribbon.

And there’s a card tucked between Funai and the ribbon, one that you retrieve now. It isn’t anything fancy, note hastily scrawled on what looks to be the back of a soba shop receipt with a doodled version of Hidan, covered in Jashinist symbols and what looks like blood, handing a heart — the conventional symbol, not the organ — out to an equally crudely drawn version of yourself. 

You flip it over, and in a slightly messy black scrawl, the card reads,

This dumb bitch thought she was better than you so I Killed her to prove that Nobody is as hot as you P.S. Happy Birthday 

It isn’t signed, but you read it a second time, then a third. And then you laugh, bright and bold in the crisp winter morning, genuine and amused because you didn’t even know Hidan knew what a tanka was — let alone that he could write one.

You look down at Funai again, and it really is sobering to see her like that. Your mind travels back to your childhood, all those long days spent practicing your taijutsu in your parent’s yard in hopes of maybe surpassing her. 

She’d been your worst enemy sure, but she’d been your best friend too. She was the first person you told when you turned twelve, and Hidan’s name appeared on your arm. 

(“Just Hidan?” She’d sneered as you showed her, “hmph. Guess he’s not from any clan. Makes sense, an average soulmate for such an average —”

“—shut up, Bug Queen!” You’d interrupted, tackling her into the dirt, because the name on her hip was Torune Aburame, and everyone knows that the Aburame are total bug-fucking creeps.)

You realize that you’re still smiling when the memory fades. You can almost hear Funai in the back of your mind scolding you about how it’s bad practice for shinobi to show their emotions so freely. 

So, first thing’s first then.

You seize Funai by the throat and haul her inside, slamming the door behind you. Not a drop of blood spills from the open wound as you drag your friend onto your kitchen floor. The tile might have to be sacrificed to the cause, but you’ll just have to deal.

You pull the bow loose, and just like that the genjutsu breaks, Funai’s eyes begin to flutter. She goes from unconscious to fully awake in about three seconds. It’s honestly a little impressive, her memories clearly unaffected if the terror and the fury bleeding into her golden irises are anything to go by, but it’s already too late. 

You’re already rooting around your drawers for a knife clean and sharp enough to mercy-kill her with. She says something, but it’s muffled by the gag and all the blood in her mouth — though you know her well enough by now to know that it’s probably not happy birthday. 

Whatever it is, it’s too late anyway, because you’ve already sunken your entire hand into her chest, palm and fingers wrapped snugly around the rapid-fire recoil of your rival’s heart, by the time she can do anything more than fail at squirming away.

You sigh, because you’re sympathetic, really.

“If it’s any consolation, Bug Queen, you make a great birthday present.”

Then you rip her heart out with one smooth twist of your arm. That weird, old-world soulmate magic floods your system, running along your veins and imprinting into the very essence of your being, with a single glowing soul bond pulsing at the back of your mind and anchoring you to reality so that you aren’t overwhelmed.

--

(And you weren’t always like this, okay?

You used to be a normal person, with normal friends, and normal hobbies, and normal parents that loved you.

But on your twentieth birthday, you received a letter in the mail — the envelope was big and red, and it had the words ‘to my soulmate’ stamped on the front. You were so ridiculously excited.

When you opened it, it went off and destroyed the entire house and killed everyone inside, everyone except, well — you. 

You didn’t show the team of ANBU investigators the card that came a day later. 

It was a stick-figure drawing of your home blowing up with your friends and family inside it. Their bodies are scattered to bits over the page in a bloody mess with the words:

‘Sorry I couldn’t be there in person. I hope you liked the gift! :) Love you. — xoxo your soulmate’ scrawled hastily at the bottom.)

(After that, you begin to mark the calendar. It is a simple red X on a single day out of the year. There is no indication of what it is for, but you know.)

— A year later, you get home from a few hours spent at the training grounds, only to find an innocuous-looking briefcase leaning against the door of your apartment. 

Your heartbeat quickens, and you groan, stooping to pick it up, plucking up the card as well from where it’s slipped into the handle.

Another Hidan original, you note as you duck into your apartment and place the briefcase on the dinner table. 

The drawing is surprisingly minimalist considering Hidan’s usual style, it’s an artlessly drawn picture of you, butt-naked holding miniature globe in your poorly proportioned hands.

Is he gonna blow the whole world up this time? You think with a sigh and flip the card open. In the same sloppy handwriting as before, you read,

Don’t be a pussy. This is not a bomb, okay? You will like this gift.

You thumb the dark lettering before turning to the briefcase and opening it. It actually takes you several long seconds to realize what it is exactly that you’re looking at.

There are files inside, sheaves of papers tucked surprisingly neatly into folders, and—

You reach inside, where two passports are shuffled into one corner. 

One has your name, your personal information — all chillingly accurate. 

One doesn’t. 

Both have your face.

You set those aside, and with a sense of growing urgency, you fumble to open the folders and rifle through the papers.

They’re-

They’re identification papers. Two sets. One is fakes. But the other—

Hidan has restored your identity, you realize, and for a moment, you don’t even remember how to breathe.

(These days, you can get by. You have plenty of cash to use, so you don’t need a job, and so long as you’re not crossing country borders, you have no use for travel papers.)

But it also shackles you, the lack of an identity, walking around like a corpse.

Paying for Hidan's crimes, all these years, even now, as if almost burning alive and watching your entire family die and losing your goddamn mind weren’t enough to atone for the crime of simply having a soulmate.

And now…

You pick up another file with trembling fingers and flick that open. It’s a manuscript. It’s your manuscript, from when you were a writer, a really fucking good one—you might add, and despite having to always battle that hack Jiraiya for the spot on the best seller’s list, which honestly never made sense to you because your works were clearly better — but you suppose there's no accounting for taste, you enjoyed what you did, creating, building your stories.

And now you can do it again. A piece of what you’ve lost, returned.

And it isn’t even just that. The other set of papers – the fake ones – mean something too. It’s a way out, a new start if you ever want to leave. To walk away from this godforsaken country and begin anew. To not only lay your past to rest but also leave it behind so that it will never drag you down again. There’s one last file at the bottom, tissue-thin, and it only contains a single slip of paper.

It’s another note: “Sorry, I fucked up your life and shit. Won’t do it again. Happy birthday.”

— The next year, it’s another card, but only a card, with a classic birthday cake superimposed on a baby pink background. An invitation, with a time scribbled on the inside cover, but dead center on the right, a katauta,

I am running out of ways to show you that I love you lets fuck? (Couldn’t fit this in the katauta but I do oral.)

…The way that it makes your heart skip is ridiculous, and honestly, probably an indication of how fucking lonely you are. It’s not even remotely sophisticated, certainly no Henjo or Kisen. And yet…

Your face. Your face feels hot. God, you’re blushing. And your mouth is doing something funny. It takes a moment to realize you’re trying to pull a truly goofy smile. You’d probably never it live down if anyone else were there to witness it. You take a deep breath. Then you glance at the time one last time before pocketing the letter and heading for the bathroom. 

You have a night to prepare for because, apparently, your soulmate is a closet romantic.

— The door swings open, and you’re already smiling as you drink Hidan in. The man has grey hair slicked back with enough grease to start a forest fire and distinctive purple eyes. Still, they suit him, and when he smiles back, it reaches all the way to his eyes – like sunlight reflecting off whiskey, like sunsets when they spark with magic.

Wordlessly, you step back and let Hidan in. He takes a second to toe his shoes off – because he may be a murderous freak, but he’s still your soulmate, and it pays to be polite – but when he rises, he promptly crowds you right up against the nearest wall and kisses you for the very first time, hard and hungry and thorough.

A possessive hand sinks into your hair. Another pulls you close by the waist, and then you’re arching up into him, a twist of his hips sending sparks of pleasure darting across your nerves even as you open your mouth and let Hidan devour you.

The air is heady with the heat of your combined arousal by the time you part for air. Hidan’s lips are swollen red, and you’re both more than a little breathless. You’re not dry humping anymore, but Hidan’s hands remain cradled around your hips, and you’re absently tangling Hidan’s hair around your fingers. Your faces remain close enough that your noses brush.

Hidan’s eyes gleam like firelight as he peers at you, smug and satisfied, warmed by something softer.

“So, like, did all those fucking poems pay off? Do you, like, love me and shit?”

“Yeah. They did.” You smile, and your own words spill over Hidan’s lips, “I love you and shit.”

Hidan smiles and you feel the soul bond glowing bright and solid right down to the atomic level.

A new bond stirs between you, tentative, and fresh but already luminous with potential. Before you can blink, you’re being shoved against the wall again as Hidan flings his arms around you, laughing, laughing, laughing, joyous delight and overwhelming relief.  

[hrsloren]

HELLO EVERYONE ! i’m rlly excited to be here at hearsay. actually is a new kind of rp concept for me so if im a little slow in coming up with ideas please be patient w me, i promise i’m engaged and interested. i’d also love recs of your fav murder mystery stuff for inspo! neway some info about ren is under the cut (along w some plot ideas!) and ill message yall once i have a chance to read over the apps so that hopefully i can come 2 u with some thoughts for plots~ ur also welcome to message me first of course or hit that like or really anything else lol!! discord avail on request for plotting, too, if thats more your style. 

kwon loren is a 26 yr old scorpio, horror enthusiast, entrepreneur (cough, drug dealer), n webtoon artist and she’s never met a villain she didn’t want to write a redemption arc for.

yes i almost exclusively chose her name bc it can be nicknamed into ren which obviously sounds like wren and i thought it was punny / suitable lol. 

unfortunately the only one of those that makes any money is the entrepreneurial bit and that is a totally illegal path. so her day job is her night job as the overnight manager of the gs25 near her dingy apartment building.  she works sunday to thursday nights, usually, since she makes the schedule she selfishly schedules the part timers on prime weekend night slots.  she also draws weird commissioned porn for folks w strange kinks (tentacles?? yoikes no judgement but yoikes) when she needs the xtra won.

she was the black sheep of her family even before her personality really showed itself, and once she revealed herself to be a tomboyish, unruly, temperamental, reckless, passionate, and alarmingly contrary child the whole thing just got worse. rlly the only person she was ever very close with was her grandfather, who is a somewhat-renowned murder mystery / horror writer. sneaking peaks at his books and manuscripts was probably what kindled a lot of her weird proclivities as a child, which she carries forward to now.

she’s quite excessive in a lot of ways. too much smoking, too much drinking, too much feeling, too much dreaming, too much scheming, too much writing.... basically the only thing she doesn’t overload on is sleep?? so check out those atrocious under eye shadows sometime bc its a yikes from me yall. 

u can track her moods pretty easily despite the fact that she’s got a hard to read face. once  you get used to her habits and mannerisms its rlly clear to see that she’s an open book. the only thing that can throw it off is that she’ll try to stop smoking abt once every 3 months, at which point she becomes a complete nightmare w very little notice. it usually doesn’t last very long unfort for her lungs.

speaking of smoking shes the kind of person to immerse herself in things easily and get totally wrapped in them. like, she’s v prone to addictions or obsessions. this can be with things, people, television shows, etc. she’s never known a good series she didn’t binge as quickly as possible, a good book she didn’t read cover to cover, sleep be damned. this means she’s often kinda grouchy or trying to sleep something off. she’ll also talk ur ear off about whatever she’s fallen into at the moment. 

just for a weird fact, she has a complex about her hair. its naturally relatively coarse and bushy and curly and frizzy. her mum used to pull it back every morning in a rlly tight ponytail and pin down all the unruly bits with bobby pins or barettes and she hated it, it always made her head hurt and obviously it made her feel like her hair was ugly.  so for a long time she chemically straightened it and did all kinds of treatments, but now she’s trying to maintain it more naturally. so yeah sometimes it looks like a birds nest but at least it’s healthier. 

she’s very picky about her surroundings and organizing her personal space, especially when she wants to work on something. she gets picky about things being in a good visual order, and if she notices something is out of place around her, she’ll hyper focus on it until she can fix it. this can be something meaningful (noticing she didn’t do the dishes) or something absurd (noticing someone left a napkin on the ground at the cafe, across the room, and having to go throw it away before she can focus on anything else). 

just like with her surroundings, with aesthetics, and with substances or media,  she hyper focuses on people too. when she decides someone is ‘hers’ she will go all in on them, becoming loyal to the point of honest to goodness fault. this isn’t to say she’ll tell them they’re the best at all times or be unrealistically enamored with them. she’ll still be fully cognizant of and happy to point out faults, but she won’t turn her back on them. she’d help you bury a body, basically, but she’d tell you what a goddamn psychopath you were as she did. 

FOR SOME PLOT THOUGHTS

her only real established canon relationships have to do w her drug trade or her much better cousin (just ask anyone in her family) so she’s very well open to just about anything. she’s canonically close to magpie and cousins w swallow, of course, and sells to an established handful. i’d love to get her a bit wrapped up in things these days, maybe some secret trading or ferreting things out. i imagine she feels loyalty to magpie and resents those who might come out with accusations against him. 

i’d love her to have an outcast ride or die best friend from high  school, someone who was also on the black sheep side of things. she did participate in the high school literary magazine (layout) and on the newspaper (though not as seriously as one might have hoped) and certain undesirables spread rumors about the english teacher “favoring” her (at least some guiding figure finally liked her dammit). so bullies from high school are fully possible. she was kind of a weirdo (duh) so i imagine it would have been pretty normal to pick at her here and there, though she did try to fly under the radar a lot. people who used to harass her coming to her for pills now could be a thing to explore, or someone who dated her in high school but didn’t really want to be “out” about it due to you know like dumb high school social differences so resentment grew and it was a whole teen movie drama that ended up without the happy ending and now its weird when they see each other, which could go many ways. those she’s befriended or so forth since coming back to town down on her luck, also, would be welcome! 

anyway if you made it to the end of this ily very much and i hope we can plot asap huhu

[nadziejastar]

What was Lea’s personality during BBS and after? Up to Kh3? (U probably did this, but I love your analysis on Kh Isa and Lea)

Lea/Axel: The Alchemical Trickster

“The brighter the light, the darker the shadow.” – Carl Jung

Thank you! It is rather fun to write about Lea and Isa. ^_^

Well, actually I haven’t done a full write-up of Lea’s personality, though that was one of the many ideas I’ve had stirring around in my head. So, I’m glad you asked the question. More than anything I think Lea/Axel embodies the Trickster Archetype, which is an example of a Jungian Archetype. I picked up a very strong Jungian influence in the KH series. Jung’s famous quote on the shadow side of the human psyche is very similar to what The Fairy Godmother told Aqua in Birth By Sleep.

Carl Jung, The Trickster Archetype

A primitive cosmic being of divine-animal nature, on the one hand superior to man because of his superhuman qualities, and on the other hand inferior to him because of his unreason and unconsciousness. The more civilized we become, the more we will blame a “shadow” for our misfortunes. Like the trickster of old, the shadow represents a quality that isn’t accepted into the awareness. It can ‘pester’ us unmercifully but always has a gift for us, a missing quality, an attitude needed to cope, or self-realization.

Carl Jung’s explanation for the archetypes that surface in cultural and religious literature is that they are the product of what he calls the collective unconsciousness. That thread of consciousness that connects all human beings and cultures around the world. Jung would say The Trickster is a manifestation of our own collective unconscious. 

In mythology, and in the study of folklore and religion, a trickster is a character in a story (god, goddess, spirit, human, or anthropomorphisation), which exhibits a great degree of intellect or secret knowledge, and uses it to play tricks or otherwise disobey normal rules and conventional behavior.The Trickster is an alchemist, a magician, creating realities in the duality of time and illusion. The Fool survives in modern playing cards as the Joker.

The Trickster is an important archetype in the history of man. He is a god, yet he is not. He is the wise-fool. It is he who points out the flaws in carefully constructed societies of man. He rebels against authority, pokes fun at the overly serious, creates convoluted schemes, that may or may not work, plays with the Laws of the Universe and is sometimes his own worst enemy. He exists to question, and to cause us to question and not accept things blindly. He appears when a way of thinking becomes outmoded, needs to be torn down, and built anew. He is the Destroyer of Worlds, and at the same time, the savior of us all.

In later folklore, the Trickster/Clown is incarnated as a clever, mischievous man or creature, who tries to survive the dangers and challenges of the world using trickery and deceit as a defense. He also is known for entertaining people as a clown does. The Trickster seems to be a comedy of opposites. For every good aspect of his persona there is an equal and opposite aspect. In religious stories his role is very diverse. He is the breaker of taboos. He provides comic relief to a religious myth. And he will pull off elaborate schemes to teach a moral lesson or expose the folly of men.

Tricksters “…violate principles of social and natural order, playfully disrupting normal life and then re-establishing it on a new basis.” The trickster crosses and often breaks both physical and societal rules. That’s why I think Axel’s weapons are based on the Sigil of Chaos. The weapon on the right, Dive Bomb is a combination of the Chaos Sigil and an alchemical vector, representing the union of Mercury and Sulfur, Sol and Luna, The Red King and White Queen of alchemy. Or the King and Queen of the Night, as Saïx’s weapons are so aptly named. I have absolutely no doubt that Lea was gonna “Dive Bomb” right into his boyfriend’s heart and wake his sleeping ass up.

Kairi: “Aren’t you…a bad guy?”

Axel: “I’m not. But not really a good guy, either.”

The Trickster behaves as he does from impulses over which he has no control, possessing no values, moral or social; he is at the mercy of his passions and appetites. The others in Trickster stories possess similar traits: the animals, the various supernatural beings and monsters, and man.

Often, the bending/breaking of rules takes the form of tricks or thievery. Tricksters can be cunning or foolish or both. The trickster openly questions and mocks authority. They are usually male characters, and are fond of breaking rules, boasting, and playing tricks on both humans and gods.

According to Jung, through the Trickster we can see that “individuals have the power to recognize their shadows and in doing so, choose the better part.” It is in the Trickster these combinations of qualities are recognized as being in the world, and from the Trickster we learn existential lessons as to the consequences of letting our darker side rule our lives.

There is another side to the Trickster. As the giver of all great boons—the fire-bringer, teacher of mankind—it is common for the Trickster to be a creator figure who created the earth and brings culture and civilization to humans. Among the Classical Greeks, Prometheus as creator brought into being all of the world’s animals. For this he was badly punished by Zeus. One of Axel’s weapons is named Prometheus.

Day 299: The Value of a Lie

Roxas doesn’t trust me after the whole Xion incident, but I can’t tell him the truth yet. So I keep lying. It’s no big deal when you’re a Nobody. There’s no guilt, no feeling at all. So why does it still sting, just a little, when I lie to him? All my dealings with Roxas give me this bizarre illusion of humanity.

The Trickster of Greek mythology was a god by the name of Hermes. He is the Magician Arcana in the Alchemical Tarot.He is also the patron of thieves and the inventor of lying. Once again we see a sort of bridge between the average man and the gods. Hermes is the only god in Greek mythology that is born to a nymph (a mortal). Also with Hermes we see the recurring theme of flight. Hermes is said to have wings on either side of his head. It makes the scene where Axel flies in Neverland that much more enjoyable.

Physical reality is a game in which the Trickster challenges us at every turn. That is his role in the duality of this bio-genetic experiment in linear time. The Trickster is a teacher, survivor, and hero—always traveling, outrageous and cunning, foolish and wise, mischievous and often doing good despite himself. He is a metaphor for the evolution of consciousness in the alchemy of time.

In modern literature the Trickster survives as a character archetype, not necessarily supernatural or divine, therefore better described as a stock character. The Trickster seems to have supernatural powers which help him perform his tricks. He lives, dies, comes back, shape shifts, all sorts of magic as our reality is nothing more than an illusion. It is the mythology of our reality, birth, death, and rebirth from the ashes, the flame of creation.

The Trickster is almost always portrayed as male. In the duality he represents the lower emotions, lower chakras, that which gets us into mischief. This represents the aggressive side that deals with the lower frequency emotions: jealousy, anger, self destruction, rage, depression, even mental illness. The Trickster is the emotional body, our Inner Child or wounded soul, who evolves in our lifetimes as it spirals back to higher light.

Frequently the Trickster figure exhibits gender variability, changing gender roles and engaging in same-sex practices. Such figures appear in Native American and First Nations mythologies, where they are said to have a Two-Spirit nature. Even Artemis (one of Saïx’s weapons named after a goddess) was said to engage in cross-dressing. So it makes TOTAL sense to me that Lea and Isa were intended by the writers to be, yes, a romantic pairing.

Carl Jung was also a well-known proponent of alchemy. According to a manuscript in Jung’s collection published in his book Psychology and Alchemy, the Emperor and Empress of the Tarot deck represent the Red King and White Queen at the beginning of the great work, known as magnum opus.

The Empress and Emperor are put at the end of the Alchemical Tarot sequence, symbolizing the end product of their marriage: The Philosopher’s Stone. Like Jung’s Alchemical Tarot deck, Luxord’s deck ALSO ends its sequence with the Emperor and Empress cards. It’s for this reason I think that Luxord’s deck actually tells a story using the Alchemical Tarot as its foundation— Lea and Isa’s story as the alchemical Red King and White Queen, to be precise. It tells their love story SO perfectly. But that is a meta that I’m still working on.

Like Saïx/Isa, I also believe that Lea/Axel was inspired by the Zodiac signs, particualy the Fire Triad. Aries lives in the moment and moves fast and furiously. They’re natural-born leaders, and impossible to ignore. They are always ready to take charge and conquer whatever challenge they meet. Courageous and competitive, Aries is a powerful force, carving paths through new territory to find undiscovered treasures. This fearless sign lives life as a warrior, infusing everything it touches with fire, passion, and strength.

Aries’ Tarot Card: In Tarot, The Emperor card is a masterful representation of the zodiac sign Aries. The Emperor is a natural leader, just like Aries. The Emperor represents Aries’ loyalty and ability to stick by others through thick and thin. Like the royal figure on this card, Aries uses its sense of authority to help others, and to achieve its own goals.

Aries’ Symbol: The Ram represents courage, action, initiative, and authority. These traits are the backbone of Aries’ characteristics, and help Aries take every part of life head-on.

Aries’ Ruling Planet:  Aries is ruled by Mars – the Red Planet, or the warrior planet. These two have been linked since ancient times, as Mars is the Roman God of War, and Ares is the Greek God of War. Mars is a planet of great action, aggression, and drive, influencing what we do, and how we do it, and enhancing the active energy of Aries. Mars is considered a pioneer of new territory, just like the Aries Ram. Among the 12 Zodiac signs, there is one specific sign in which a planet functions at its optimum. This is called its sign of “Exaltation.” The Sun is exalted in Aries.

Aries’ Ruling House: As the first sign of the zodiac, Aries rules the 1st House of Self. The 1st house is a representation of your overall self – the personality and traits that make you uniquely you. Aries’ connection to the 1st House of Self speaks to this sign’s pioneering nature, its bravery, and independence. Aries’ desire to create, identify, and deepen its sense of self is what the 1st house is all about.

Aries’ Element: The element of Fire fuels Aries’ courageous demeanor and desire for life. Fire is a self-motivated and high-spirited force that yearns to freely express itself and cannot be contained. Like a volcano, without warning, Aries is prone to bursts of enthusiasm or aggression. Aries embodies the Fire element through their identity and ego, acting as a trailblazer and a leader.

Aries’ Color: Red is the color of passion, excitement, and Fire, which supports Aries’ active energy and eagerness for life. Red is a vibrant color that demands attention – and Aries is a sign that doesn’t like to be ignored. It’s also no surprise that Aries’ ruling planet, Mars, is known as “The Red Planet”. The more red Aries surrounds itself with, the greater their natural powers can be.

Ruled by the vibrant Sun and driven by the warmth of its Fire element, the charming, magnificent, and dramatic Lion is the life of the party and loves attention. With its shining heart of gold, Leo is a loyal lover and a proud and courageous leader. This sign of the Lion embodies an air of royalty, just like the kings and queens of the jungle. Sometimes expressive to a fault, you’ll find them to be some of the most generous souls you’ll ever meet.

Leo’s Tarot Card: Leo is empowered by its Tarot card, Strength. In most Tarot decks, a Lion is featured prominently on this card, representing an obvious relationship with Leo the Lion. This card embodies nature in its most primal form, allowing the Lion to be and to express its true self. The Strength card is not only about physical strength, but also about strength of heart, mind, and soul. This card reminds Leo to balance its brute force and powerful roar with compassion, generosity, and love.

Leo’s Symbol: The Lion is known most for its strength and bravery as it rules over the jungle as one of the most powerful animals. The sign of Leo mirrors many aspects of this magnificent and royal feline, like instinct, affection, strength, and bravery.

Leo’s Ruling Planet: The expressive Sun is associated with the zodiac sign Leo. Just like the Sun is the center of the solar system, Leo likes to be the center of everyone’s attention. In Astrology, Leos are known to dazzle with charm, drama, and warmth. The Sun is a physical manifestation of all these characteristics.

Leo’s Ruling House: As the fifth sign of the zodiac, warm-hearted Leo rules over the 5th House of Pleasure. Both playful and full of energy, Leo the Lion feels right at home in this house that’s all about fun, creativity, and expression. And thanks to Leo’s frisky, flirty ways, this house also holds great clues to your romantic life, and the rewards love holds for you.

Leo’s Element: Leo is a Fire sign that shines as the center of attention wherever it goes. The element of Fire ignites Leo’s desire for life, drive for love, and eagerness for action. Like a roaring bonfire, Leo’s energy radiates warmth and lights up even the darkest nights. All it takes is one little spark to set Leo ablaze with with bold expression, brave choices, and powerful confidence.

Leo’s Color: Regal and bright, gold is the color for Leo the Lion. Glistening with royalty and class, gold has always been a symbol of power and prestige. So it’s no wonder Leo – the King of the Jungle – is represented by this expressive shade. When caught in the light, gold will glisten and shine so brightly it’s almost blinding. Just like Leo’s flamboyant nature, the color gold oozes with warmth, positivity, and attention.

Ruled by Jupiter, the planet of growth and opportunity, the sign of the Archer is an eternal student, looking for enlightenment through new ideas, people, and places. Sagittarius is on the hunt for the biggest, best experiences life has to offer. They have a positive and outgoing personality that makes them the life of any party. With a love of adventure and all things exotic, the worldly Archer just wants to soak it all in. Sagittarius is driven by a constant need to explore and expand its mind, heart, and awareness to the fullest extent. Fiery and free, Sagittarius knows that the only limits are the ones we create ourselves.

Sagittarius’ Tarot Card: Wise and understanding Sagittarius is connected to the Temperance Tarot card. The gentle process of tempering is about finding a perfect middle state, combining the best of all things to forge something that is stronger than the sum of its parts. By bringing the power of the philosophical world into their physical world, Sagittarius makes itself a source of ultimate truth and awareness.

Sagittarius’ Symbol: The zodiac sign Sagittarius is associated with the Archer, Chiron, and its glyph represents an arrow. Always eager to explore new horizons, the Archer sets its sights on a faraway target, then shoots toward it with precision. This focus on learning more, doing more, and seeing more is what Sagittarius is all about.

One of the tales about Chiron relates that he received a wound from a poisoned arrow. But because of his wisdom, he had been granted the gift of immortality from the gods. So he couldn’t die. But neither could the wound heal, for the poison was from a deadly serpent. So Chiron is the figure of the wounded healer, the sage who has an incurable injury yet who, because of his injury, understands the nature of pain far better than others.

Sagittarius’ Ruling Planet: Larger-than-life Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter, the planet of luck and expansion. In Roman mythology, Jupiter was the king of the gods, the biggest and the best. In Astrology Jupiter is known as the “benefic” planet, meaning it is the luckiest, most opportunistic planet of all. This positive energy influences Sagittarius’ optimistic, enlightening, and outgoing nature that shines and spreads through anyone they come into contact with. As the largest planet in our cosmos, Jupiter’s vastness encourages Sagittarius to stretch its mind and heart as far as it can.Sagittarius’ Ruling House: As the 9th sign in the zodiac, Sagittarius rules over the 9th House of Expansion. This house reveals how open our minds are, and how much we expand ourselves through education, exploration, and life lessons. From philosophical conversations to book research to world travel, the 9th house encourages you to go further than you’ve ever gone before. Sagittarius’ drive for adventure, growth, and awareness is strongly represented here.

Sagittarius’ Element: The zodiac sign Sagittarius is a Fire sign that lights up our lives with profound questions and exciting ideas. Just like an uncontrollable wildfire, this sign will happily go where the wind takes them to seek new experiences. Sagittarius uses its Fire energy on its lifelong journey of exploration, always ready to jump at the next adventure. The element of Fire continues to fuel Sagittarius’ never ending supply of optimism and inspiration.

Sagittarius’ Color: Purple is a color of abundance, which encourages Sagittarius’ natural luck and its drive to expand its mind and world. The color purple is also associated with spirituality and enlightenment, empowering Sagittarius’ philosophical explorations and lifelong quest for knowledge.

[cancerbiophd]

hey julia, im really sad because after a year or so of writing for a published paper, the prof analyzing the data found an inconsistency in my database and when he fixed it the new results he got changed the outline of our paper in a big way. i'm still getting primary authorship because i did all the data collecting and initial writing, but pretty much all i wrote is gonna have to be scrapped :( i was really proud of what i wrote and having it go through editing because it was mine (1/2)

(2/2)I feel so disappointed with everything though and i know it’s my first ever real writing experience but i was hoping it would work out a bit better :c im still gonna have access to see how the paper evolves and be invited to the talks about it, but it just isn’t mine anymore and i kind of feel like i failed, i was banking on this paper to apply for grad school because being published gives me an edge but it doesn’t feel like its my work anymore :( what do u do when u have a sad science day?

Oh maria /biiiig hug/ i’m so sorry to hear you’re going through a rough time. it’s ok to feel sad and disappointed because i know it’s tough to watch something you’ve worked so hard on get scrapped like that. but you know what? you’re tougher! and i know you’ll get through this. 

Firstly, give yourself a warm hug for completing the monumental task that is writing a manuscript, regardless of what ended up happening. Finishing something so challenging is not trivial! And you know what, all those experience points you gained by going through this journey are yours to keep. So when it comes to writing another manuscript in grad school, you’ll know exactly what to do! And that’s pretty great, yeah?

Secondly, I know you feel bad, and that’s ok, but I want to slip a note into your thoughts that you have not failed, my friend. You have not failed. Mistakes happen, even to seasoned professionals, because mistakes are a part of life. I guarantee you that every single research lab in existence right now (and have existed) has had to go back to square one or two and start over at some point. And they did, and fixed what needed to be fixed, and then carried on to do great things. Sometimes you gotta erase what’s already on the paper to make room for something more beautiful. 

If you feel this paper doesn’t feel like your baby anymore, that’s ok. I totally understand why you would feel that way, and if squishing and squeezing your emotions into accepting the paper like it was before is adding to the bad feels, then you don’t have to. You can just focus on and own the black and white facts of the paper: the experimental design, the science behind the data, the major conclusions, the impact on society, etc. There doesn’t have to be an emotional attachment to go with it if you don’t want to. 

And you know what, the changes to this paper doesn’t change who you are. Maria: you are still the smart, funny, caring, kind, and passionate person that I’ve gotten to know you as. You’re still the awesome person who took the time to put together the most in-depth and hilaaarious powerpoint of fish and fauna to see while snorkeling in the Bahamas for me. You’re still the brilliant marine biologist who has a (really impressive!) CV that 100% reflects your passion and commitment to your work. You’re still a person who will leave the world a better place, and I know this because you’ve already made my world a better place. I feel so lucky to have you in my life. 

I hope you’re starting to feel better now :) If not, here are some things I do if I have a Bad Science Day:

Cry it out. There’s an odd sort of comfort that comes after a good cry. So sometimes if I feel like I’ve been holding back, I exhale softly and let it all out. It doesn’t solve anything, I know, but I do feel a teeny bit better and a teeny bit more whole. 

Write it out. Something I’ve learned about myself is that my brain tends to over-exaggerate things when it’s just swirling thoughts. But when I write it out and everything gets organized, it turns out things aren’t so bad after all. So give it a go, either in a word doc, an actual journal, or even a tumblr post (that you don’t have to publish, of course). 

Talk it out. Related, going on a verbal rant (or even written rant to someone) helps in a similar way. Even if it’s in private to my favorite stuffed animal or a pet. Just anything to get the thoughts out!

Listen to “comfort” music. I have a playlist of my all-time favorite songs and I listen to it on the drive home and I always feel a lil better. It’s hard to not feel a little happy and carefree when your favorite jam comes on. 

Sleep it off. Sometimes all I need is a good night’s sleep (or even a nap) to clear my head. Also I love sleeping, so it always feels good no matter what. 

Do something comforting. Anything to release those sweet sweet endorphins. My ideas of comforting routines are: eating whatever I’m craving at the moment, watching a favorite TV show or movie (usually something I’ve already seen), curling up with a good book or magazine, scrolling through Tumblr, doing my nails, hugging my dog and/or husband until I feel better, and walking around Homegoods, my favorite store (I’d honestly live there if I could). Doing these things also helps in that it takes my mind off whatever’s bothering me, even temporarily. 

Give myself a pep talk. Ok, oddly enough, the pep-talk-voice in my head is Gordon Ramsay. I don’t know how it manifested as him, but when he’s not yelling at chefs to get their shit together, he has a really encouraging and soothing voice! Anyway, sometimes he sits me down and tells me that everything is going to be ok, and here’s what we do next alright? Just one step at a time ok? That’s it. Good job. Good job. 

Just keep working. Sometimes my Bad Science Day starts at 9 AM in the morning, or it’s just a continuous Bad Science Week/Month/Year. So I put those feelings on hold and just stick to my schedule and try to be as productive as I can. Because even if Experiment 1 didn’t work, Experiment 2 might, and if it does, I’ll feel a little better! And if Experiment 2 doesn’t work, well, at least I finished it, and I’ll still feel a little better! And in any case, my projects aren’t gonna do themselves, no matter how I feel. So in the wise words of Dory: “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”

I talk to my PI. I’m super lucky to have an understanding PI, and I’ve talked to her about my frustrations on more than one occasion and she’s worked with me to come up with good solutions, or have said things to make me feel better. PIs are full of wisdom from experiencing their own fair share of Bad Science Days so they have lots of advice on how to feel better, such as looking at my results a different way so it goes form :( to :)

I let the passing of time lessen the hurt. Time doesn’t always heal, but it does make things that were terrible at the moment not so bad anymore. So if nothing else makes me feel better, at least I know “this too shall pass”. 

I hope this helps. I know things are ugh right now, but you’re going to be ok. And I’m here for you, ok? Feel free to reach out via chat or email. I would very much like to help you feel better

[lanas-academics-blog]

HAPPY SEPTEMPTER!

Hi guys! Just wanted to share an update, a bit of the work I’ve been doing for the past couple of days, and what I have planned to do for the upcoming holiday on Monday!

So first semester started, and I have officially completed my second week of Sophomore year! My classes are nice, but I’ve been having a bit of trouble with my online classes, which I can talk about later! Even though I only have two on-campus classes, I am taking 14 credits, so I’m very busy with schoolwork most of the time. Below I’ll start with a summary of my classes and how they’re going! I’ll then talk about my past and future work. Keep in mind this post is gonna be kinda lengthy so if that’s not your thing, probably don’t click below lol.

So, starting from my first class of the week every week! Human Relations.

To start off - my Human Relations class has a lot of notes. We take notes every class - which I like - but we haven’t really done any actual assignments. We did have a quiz over our book’s second chapter (that I missed because I mixed up a holiday and didn’t go to class - I’m dumb lmao) and we watch video clips, but there hasn’t been a big assignment or anything yet which I’m grateful for.

We do this thing in the class called a reading where we talk about a certain celebrity in a given book and what they have to say about surviving college / advice they have altogether, and I really like the vibe it brings to the class. We are going through each student and doing one every class, and it’s a really nice way to start class every day. We all discuss the advice and give our input, which I think is a good way to get everyone involved.

Over all the class is a bit slow as of late, but discussions make it worth it for sure. I’m excited to see what’s to come with this class!

Next is my Digital Communications class!

This class is entirely online, so we do weekly modules and have until Friday of that week to finish all the work, and it’s all very in-depth assignments. Videos, discussion boards, and quizzes are all major parts of our grades for this class. I love all the feedback and discussions we have over certain topics in this class, because it really opens you up and makes you see other’s POV on things!

It’s a very modern class, and I feel like I’m learning about things happening now in real time (just last week I learned about AI Cars and computers that mimic brain activity to work more efficiently) and it’s something I feel is really important when it comes to digital themed classes! Technology is moving fast, so it’s important we keep up.

Just this last week we learned about viral video trends and the era of “The YouTubers / Online Influencers” and it was so interesting! If anyone is interested in the video (which also talks about YouTube’s history and is a really educational video at its core) I will link it here: Viral Video : YouTube Marketing.

If I’m not using an online website to complete an assignment (just last week I had to look up my name and relatives names to see just how easy it is to find people’s information online), I’m usually writing a long reply to a video for a grade, or responding to other student’s replies for a grade as well. Even though it’s a grade it’s all very open and doesn’t feel too grade-ish. We all have great discussions.

The next class I’m not too fond of, just because I slept my way through high school Algebra, is of course: Algebra. Paired with the sleeping and my state just not caring about our education at all in the past, Algebra is really difficult for me this year. I have to re-teach myself everything from scratch and get the help of some of my friends who are good at Alg (u know who you are). It’s been really difficult, but I’ll get there. On the other hand, also been very rewarding when I understand it!

My book for this class was expensive ($103) and I’m trying to take really good care of it. I bought as apposed to rent because I was told to on the syllabus (it came with an online code which we ended up not even needing so hey! waste of money!) but now I’ll probably sell it back to the school library after this term ends to get some of that money back. 

The number one thing that has helped me, funnily enough, is memes! My friends and I have made memes relating to rules for certain problems, and it’s really helped. I even went as far as printing off one of the memes and stapling it into my math notebook, just so I can see it when I’m studying! I’ll show it to you just because it makes me laugh:

( Any ARMY’s out there - HMU )

As you can see I rewrote my notes for Math just last night (which I plan on doing from now on) just to refresh my memory and study a bit more on the topics I knew I needed to. Figuring out how least common anything works has been literal hell for me, but I’m slowly starting to learn. It’s a work in progress, for sure.

Apart from that, my teacher never gives us set due dates, and we can take all our tests at home, which is a complete life saver for me. I’m about a week ahead in the class because of all the extra work I’ve been putting in trying to re-learn everything, and I plan to keep it that way. This class is challenging but rewarding. In class my professor lectures for about an hour and a half - two hours depending on how long the chapter is (which is usually maybe like 15 pages?) and we take notes the whole time.

The class is pretty silent so I’ve been trying to ask a lot of questions and talk to the people next to me to help the awkward atmosphere as well. I’m a shy person in general but I can be friendly and this class really needs that sort of attitude from the students. The professor is old and he’s really nice, but he’s not too keen on involving students, so I try and help.

Over all, I like the class. It’s challenging for sure, but that was expected. I’m excited to see where this class goes in the future though!

So to finish this off, I’ll talk about my last class, which has proved to be the most difficult regardless of me doing no work at all for it yet. Geology.

The reason I’ve had so many struggles with this class already is because the way it’s set up is just a big mess if I’m being totally honest.

To make things short (because I wrote this once and it literally deleted on me) I have to use three different websites for this one class, a giant textbook (that should have come with an access code to one of the websites, but didn’t), and the way my teacher creates assignments is Messy. It’s all stuff I’ll have to get used to I guess, so we’ll see how things play out. I really hope I like the material though because if I don’t I won’t hesitate to take a fat W on my manuscript (I’m kidding, but it’d be nice to be able to drop fml).

So, moving on from that, let’s talk about my weekend!

THURSDAY:

So my weekend started early because my HR class was cancelled for Friday, so I went ahead and did all of my Digital Comm. work on Thursday. It was all due that next day on Friday so it was a good thing that I finished it all (it took about four hours) but it was interesting so it wasn’t too bad to do. Apart from that I did a lot of misc. stuff like filled out paperwork for my college and tried writing a little bit. I didn’t do a lot of my homework on Thursday because I knew I had all weekend, so that was pretty much all I did academic wise that day.

FRIDAY: 

God himself couldn’t tell you where I was or what I did on Friday. I had a really bad day I think so I kind of just slept the day away. I truly can’t remember. Oh well though, we’re all human, we have bad days!

SATURDAY:

So Saturday (last night) was when I actually got shit done. I finally found motivation to rewrite my Math and HR notes (coffee. coffee was the motivation), and I got them looking really pretty as well as put those memes in, haha. Here’s a picture of a couple pages I rewrote!

So on top of consuming two whole cups of coffee, and binging on MNM’s, I rewrote my notes and then wrote out some emails I needed to send to a couple of my professors. I got a lot done last night which means I’ll have more time to finish what I need to this week!

FUTURE ASSIGNMENTS:

SUNDAY: 

So, today is going to be busy. I’m going to spend today doing all of my Geology work, which means catching up on Chapters 1-2, and then starting the work for this week (that is due on Thursday). I’m already a little behind because of getting my book late, so the work is piling slowly. I’ll have to work hard to finish it all by Thursday.

MONDAY:

Monday will be spent finishing any Geology work I didn’t finish today (Sunday), and then doing my Math test (due Wednesday), and all of my Digital Comm. work (due Friday). I want to finish all my work for this week in a big clump by Tuesday at least so I can finally just relax and spend a few days relaxing and then picking up my study routine again on Friday. 

So it’s clear these last two weeks have been a mess, but I’m slowly starting to get into a routine. I want to plan a few trips to the library this week to get some work done, and then maybe to the gym on campus! Just so I can see if it’d be somewhere I wanna go in the future. I also want to make it a goal to make a few more friends, and possibly join a club.

I will for sure keep you guys updated, and if you’ve read this far, thank you! I hope you enjoyed reading my ramblings, haha.

Happy September and happy studying!

-Lana.

[riikkamhaynes-blog]

👏Book review👏 or analysis... whatever

Koston enkeli (the angel of revenge) by Juha Ruusuvuori (published 2014)

The table of content

Introduction (synopsis)

No spoiler review (the writing, dialogue, the pacing + ending, the characters)

Spoilery overview of the plot

The bullshit

Things I liked

What can the writers learn from this?

My rating

Recommendations

Introduction

I found this book in my local bookstore. It was on sale for five euros. It would’ve been around 30 on normal occasions. The cover was cool, the name was intriguing and the price was fair. This book promised to be a psychological thriller about gender roles and the downfall of relationships. Keep that in mind...

My thoughts on it?

Synopsis

The book has two main protagonists; Mia and Harry. They are an old married couple. Mia hears a rumor that Harry could have cheated on her with another younger woman. The prologue shows a murder taking place. Neither the victim nor the culprit is named and their identities are completely ambiguous.

It’s essentially a psychological whodunnit story.

The book is written in Finnish and, as far as I know, hasn’t been translated into English. It’s not a big loss if you ask me.

Non-spoiler review

The chapters were written in a bizarre style. There were no spelled out chapter breaks. There was nothing where you would see “chapter 1, chapter 2, etc”. It may not sound like a lot but it does make a difference when you’re reading. Did I like it?

Look, this format is actually quite common in some nonfiction books but this is the first fiction I’ve read that utilizes it.

Since it is a mystery, I don’t mind an ambiguous narrative and a different format, in fact, if done right, it would enhance the story. I just didn’t like it in this book.

Now, I’m not saying that this failed entirely. The format did help the ambiguity of the story, even if the way it did that was by confusing the f*ck out of me. It almost merged the two POV characters into one. It might have worked.

I do question the need for this formatting choice. I personally didn’t care for it. My main problem is that I don’t feel like this book really benefited from it. I do not think it would’ve made a difference if the book was formatted normally. It was just a big meh for me.

The writing

I have no problems with the actual writing. I found it to be quite wonderful and vivid (even though the book didn’t really describe the setting). The sentence structure was okay (in a way that the length varied). The lack of adverbs was delightful. 

What I’m trying to say is that the writing was simply

The Dialogue

It was written in a way that turned it into blocks of unintelligible garbage.

For some unknown reason to man, this author decided not to include ANY dialogue tags. It was just as confusing as it sounds. I found this to be incredibly hard to follow. I don’t that style added anything to the narrative.

More than that, I feel like this style took away from the entertainment value. I love dialogue. It brings the characters alive... but not when it’s written just as another paragraph.

The dialogue was written as the characters telling the reader what was said.

Example:

I told Harry that I was down to fuck if he did the dishes. He told me that he would see to it as soon as we left the funeral.

(That never happened in the story, don’t worry.)

I think that type of dialogue is okay when used when it needs to be used (like in small talk and greetings). It, however, does take away from the showing aspect of the story. We all know that you should show, not tell and this type of dialogue tells. It breaks the immersion when used with conversations that would be better when shown.

There is another problem with this writing choice.

Dialogue helps to break up the normally bland look of the page. Let me show you what I mean by examining these two pages (u don’t gotta read them):

Isn’t that just beautiful? Doesn’t it make you ooze with anticipation to read it?

Then check this out:

The latter one looks way more appetizing. The chances are that you even tried to read specific parts in it. This is because most humans don’t digest big chunks of information easily. I’m not saying that you NEED to have dialogue on every page, in fact, you shouldn’t have it in just to fill space.

That being said, an entire book made out of bricks of plain text with nothing to break it up is going to drive not just the characters to homicide, but the reader as well.

(Both of the examples I gave were of fictional texts so the argument that one is meant to be factual will not hold. Even with textbooks that are meant to convey information, the text shouldn’t be a brick wall because it hinders the amount of information the reader is going to actually pick up. The page is often broken up in textbooks with diagrams and pictures.)

You can also break up the text by doing certain parts in different styles, eg bold and italic. I use this a lot to highlight certain words and sentences so that the reading experience is more interesting.

Conclusion:

Avoid big blocks of bland text because the human subconscious doesn’t find them visually interesting and can often be put away by it.

On a side note; if you plan to have a no-dialogue book, at least break it up in the writing formatting. I would be careful with a no-dialogue book since it’s hard to pull it off. It would put a lot more focus on your writing ability and all of your weak points in writing would pop up like a line of motherfucking erections.

(Not everyone is affected by the bricks as much as others are. I would be wary of it but you definitely shouldn’t freak out if you have it in certain parts of your manuscript. Just make sure that the whole book is not made out of it.)

The pacing

The book was an easy read partly due to the fast pacing. The start was fast and the snippets to the murder helped to keep the reader interested. I didn’t notice any inconsistencies until the very end of the book.

Ah, the ending. The most important and meaningful part of a book... I am disappointed.

We all know what the three-act structure is. It is universally the most popular guideline for the pacing, tension-building and story structure. In essence, tension should rise as the story nears the end. There is a big climax and then everything is tied together, the reader left satisfied.

That’s how it went here, riiigghhhht?

It felt flat.

The author clearly tried to set the tension up, but it failed because we were given too much information and the events leading up to it were unrealistic.

The ending felt flat party because we knew what to expect. And although we didn’t know for sure whodunnit, we knew pretty much what else would have to happen before the end. To me, it felt like the author didn’t put that much effort into making the ending surprising.

He made it clear who was going to die and the only “surprise” was the killer (but it feels like I’m picking at straws when I call that a surprise). It was quite clear that he thought he was being smart by writing it the way he did, but I’m not buying it.

For me, it felt like the pacing was the highest at the start and the middle and that the ending was like a depressing mudslide.

It also felt like there was no structure in the story. I couldn’t pick up when each act was ending. It was confusing.

The characters

One is a cheating whore, the other one is a paranoid cunt.

The paranoia I can understand but it became unhealthy real quick and the cheater turned out to be a huge prick out of the blue (this person was portrayed as a reasonable person prior to the reveal so it didn’t make sense).

I did actually like seeing these two people descend into complete madness. I can give that to the book. Their psychological journey was fun to watch even if there were big parts of the book that let me down.

I enjoyed both viewpoints and it was a very entertaining read. I didn’t personally like either of the POV characters but I can forgive that because they kept me interested.

This book only had two side characters. Their personalities were consistent and reasonable. I could easily believe that they were real people.

The only character I didn’t believe could be a real person was the cheater as their personality kept on swinging and changing depending on the situation. They suddenly changed their morals without explanation. It was super inconsistent and could’ve been fixed by establishing their motives more clearly.

One of this book’s strong suits is the way the author wrote the characters. There was one big inconsistency, but everyone was written in a way that kept the reader interested.

Spoilers from here on out

Spoiler overlook of the plot

An unnamed person gets shot in an unknown location (a bible quote is cited by the killer)

Mia and Harry are having a family vacation. Mia finds out that Harry was seen speaking to another woman in a smoke break. 

Mia goes on a big manhunt to expose Harry and basically starts stalking him. 

They do a bunch of anniversary shit, have sex a couple of times, Mia is a possessive cunt, the story plays around with the whodunnit question (and whether Harry actually cheated or not).

Mia gets more and more paranoid because Harry smelled like perfume after he left a huge party (and other small things)... because that makes sense.

Harry is a cheating cunt, wow, who woulda thought...

Mia hires a private detective to catch Harry

Mia has a hissy fit and punches a mirror because she is salty of her fading looks and that her husband is going after a younger hot black chick

She is frustrated because nothing turns up from the detective instead of being happy

She fucks with the detective

Harry breaks up with Melissa (we find out that they were together for over a year...)

Mia and Harry come clean about their misadventures

Harry throws a hissy fit because Mia slept with another guy... once... when he slept with another bitch for over a year... classy.

They somehow live in peace for six weeks bc there is a time skip (because their life totally would be uneventful after a situation like that... and we as the reader don’t need to see that shit)

They try to live their life and everyone is jealous and angry

A person is seen going to a hotel and shooting Melissa

There is this weird time skip where we see Harry in a psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane and Mia goes out the see him... 

The end...

The bullshit

1. At first, I thought the author did the mystery well in a sense that we never knew for sure who it was, but then he kept on giving. He never stopped. He set up everything so clearly against Mia that we knew it was not going be her. We could tell that the killer would be the only character not presented as a suspect (Harry).

That is a classic strategy in mystery but it was overdone in this one.

It got to the point where everything was spelled out as a possible solution and I stopped caring. There was no tension because we knew too much. Please take notes because this happens all too often.

Give enough information so that the reader has questions. Don’t tell the answers to all possible outcomes and only leave the reader with “which one is it gonna be” because it will be boring. If we know what will happen with each option, we will not care about which one it’s going to be (since we basically know the ending in that instance).

Am I making sense? I hope so.

To be fair, the reader never knew for sure who the killer was and that did keep some “tension” in the story. I remember being like “ok, I know basically everything but I wanna keep going bc I wanna see which option the author picked.” It’s not a grand reaction to a mystery, but it’s something. It could’ve been worse.

2. The setting of the story is barely described. I get the point. It’s a psychological mystery. The story is about the journey of this couple. I do however think it’s necessary to at least let us know if it takes place in 2010 or 1960... To know the general time period would help us to relate to the characters more. Mia’s position and social standing would be way worse if it was the 60s whereas, in the modern day, she would be doing just fine.

Timelines are important in psychological stories because they tell a significant amount about how the character would interact with the world they live in.

3. Their relationship fell apart super fast. They have been together for over 20 years and a simple rumor from a shaky source was enough to break it up.

I call bullshit.

4. The book promised to talk about gender equality stuff but it never did. There were no scenes where Mia was treated badly or Harry being treated better. The story takes place in the modern day (I assume) Finland. If you’re gonna say that you will speak about sexism, at least pick a setting where it’s more common and a bigger problem.

A note from my reading diary:

Now that I think about it, maybe the gender role thing isn’t a troll. Mia is shown cooking and it’s made clear it’s unusual and that she is a bad cook. She is possessive, which is usually portrayed as a masculine trait. Then Harry is quite calm and collected, interested in reading and such, which is normally seen as feminine.

That was the only gender role thing I found from the book. I don’t need a book to speak about feminism but when it claims to touch the subject, I damn well expect it to do so.

I also feel like having a female character have masculine traits and vice versa isn’t enough material to claim that your book talks about gender roles. It’s not a big deal. If I have one gay character in my book, it doesn’t make it an LGBT themed book since it’s barely talked about in the context of the story.

My point is that I don’t feel this book has enough substance in it to claim it’s talking about gender equality. To me, it seems to talk about the psychology of murder more.

(I feel like I need to mention that this book was published in late 2014.  If I remember correctly that was around the time when the whole feminazi thing started becoming increasingly mainstream and talking about it would give you a shit ton of exposure. Maybe to mention gender roles as being a big part of the story was just a good marketing strategy. I don’t mean to offend the author, this is just a theory based on my experience of the book.)

5. We as a reader never got to really know the characters past. It might not be such a big deal to some people who are there for just the ride, but for me it really was disappointing. I feel like knowing their pasts would help to add some mystery because then the reader has to come up with how the past could affect their psyche today and thus add more to the psychological mystery of the story.

For a psychological story not to speak about the childhood of its characters is extremely weird and disappointing.

I feel like the book would’ve benefitted from letting the reader know.

6. This book introduced this big question of “did they do the cheating” and it was presented as the big thing only for it to be explained within like the first 60 pages. Umm. I feel cheated. pun intended.

I don’t think you should give the reader this huge mystery only to reveal it even before the middle. I totally took me off guard and I almost stopped reading because that was the thing I felt the book was presented as the most meaningful thing (ie, all the characters went on an on about the possibility and the wrongness of it).

The book is on thin ice. It needs to give me another big question that will make me want to read because right now I have the plot all figured out. Don’t pretend to be a mystery novel just to answer all the questions BEFORE YOU GET TO THE FUCKING MIDDLE PART.

~My reading diary

7. Mia is insanely paranoid and obsessive it has never before surfaced in their +20 year relationship? Bullshit. My reading diary really did summarize it the best.

Another thing I don’t really get is Mia’s obsessive and possessive behavior, more so how it hasn’t come up before. It’s made clear that they are older and have been together for a long time. How is this the first time she has gotten this suspicious? How have they not fallen out before? You need to keep in mind that so far, she has no actual evidence of him cheating? She only knows that Harry once spoke to a pretty girl on a smoke break. SO WHAT. Then he has come home and smelled like a woman's perfume, AFTER A PARTY. I don’t think that’s enough to accuse someone of cheating. You can only imagine how freaked out Mia would be when Harry is over at a woman friends house. If she gets obsessed with so little evidence, how have they stayed together for over 20 years??? I call that a plot hole. No rational man would let that slide. 

8. I didn’t like how this book made Mia the stereotypical older woman who is insecure about her fading beauty. WE NEED CONFIDENT OLDER WOMEN IN FICTION. PLEASE.

9. The fucking mirror smashing scene. I will let my diary speak for itself.

Mia undresses in front of a mirror. Her mind warps and she sees her body transforming into that of Melissa’s. She calls Mel a bitch and a whore. Classy. She seems to feel insecure about aging. Why can’t there be a story about older people feeling confident?? She’s not even old. She said that she’s 37. NOT OLD.  She also described Melissa as having a “cruel smirk”. Please don’t make Melissa a cold-hearted bitch. PLEASE. 

Oh, and Mia also punched the mirror. As you do. In fiction. WHY DOES EVERY ANGSTY BOOK HAVE MIRROR SMASHING IN IT?????? why. She didn’t even clean it up. She just went in and took a bath. And now she has a fever. Nice.

Harry is confused about how it happened. He thinks that Mia slipped but it’s obvious she hit the mirror. If her knuckles are bleeding and a mirror has been smashed, it would be obvious that she hit it. Am I slow or something?

omg. Mia is possessed by a demon. Harry was sulking about how “he is supposed to love Mia, why is everything like this all of a sudden” when he hears screaming from Mia’s room. She sits up, apparently still sleeping and says: “leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord”. OMG. She is insane. Citing the bible whenever she can is really creepy. How is Harry not scared for his life??? I WOULD BE HORRIFIED. Then Mia just falls asleep again.

10. A private detective was hired to catch a cheater. I have no words. It’s ridiculous.

11. Mia constantly slut shames this Melissa. I do not appreciate it. I can forgive it because Mia obviously is insane but it’s still annoying.

12. Mia sees cheating as an act of revenge. I can see where it’s coming from but I don’t believe a 40-year-old woman would think that. It’s something I can see angsty highschoolers doing...

13. Harry brought Melissa into a student cafe to break up with her. Where is the logic behind that? Then he has the audacity to freak out when people find out about his inappropriate relationship with a student...

14. The 180 Harry made. He started off as this rational dude. Then it just fell apart. We found out that he had been cheating on Mia for over a year. The Harry at the start of the story wouldn’t do that, then he gets pissed when Mia cheated once, SHE CHEATED ONCE AND HE IS HAVING A HISSY FIT. Bullshit.

His character didn’t regain any of his original traits. I think it’s bad writing. You want the characters to keep at least some of their original personality. 

Check out this video which explains it further:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9SK0Jhk7Pw

15. The six week time skip near the end makes no sense, serves no purpose and completely deflates the last bit of tension.

There is no way they could’ve been at peace for that long with nothing notable happening. Bullshit.

17. The tension deflated like a fucking limp cock around the middle and it never got up.  I feel like the author tried too hard to lure me in within the first 60 pages, and from there on the tension and my interest in the story plummeted. 

18. Conclusion. Harry was the killer. 

I hate it. There are so many things wrong with this...

The killer at the start cited a specific bible quote. Harry was in no way religious and NEVER cited the quote whereas it was almost like Mia’s motto. INCONSISTENT.

The killer at the start was highly religious (we could tell by their thought process bc it’s a 1st person). The only scene I remember Harry being religious is a throwaway sentence of him skimming the bible.

Harry was sane and his thought process wasn’t plagued by murderous thoughts, whereas Mia was going on and on about how she would murder for her loved ones and on some occasions, she even fantasized about murdering Melissa.

Mia had a bigger motivation to murder. She was cheated on for over a year, she has a grudge on Melissa (because she is more beautiful, younger and because Harry wants her more than he wants Mia), she is incredibly insecure, constantly feels like people are out to break her seemingly perfect marriage. Speaking of which, she holds her long-lasting marriage as a badge of honor and would do anything (kill) to keep it going. She is a control freak (as shown with her interactions with Harry) and she is extremely deranged near the time of the murder. 

Why would Harry kill Melissa? He wanted to make things okay with Mia, he is mad because Mia cheated on him once, that’s it...

Harry was extremely anti killing before the murder whereas Mia was all for it. It would take a lot to persuade him to do it and we know that his motivations are minimal. 

Harry being the killer (and it being written like this) breaks Mia’s character. Because he was the killer, Mia is simply a paranoid bitch who has wet dreams of murder. 

I’ve already mentioned that we got like no hints and clues that Harry would do it, whereas everything was set up against Mia. The conclusion was obvious. 

Things I liked

the start was good. I really liked the small snippets to the murder. It did keep me invested. This book started off strong. I was immediately invested in the story. I wanted to see who will kill who and if Harry actually cheated. Then the story went downhill.

The psychological journey of MIA, fuck Harry. He was a mess

Mia descending into madness

Mia being crazy for murder

Mia growing a backbone as the story went on

I want Mia to top me

What can writers learn from this?

when writing a mystery, don't make the characters do things that don't match their personality just because you need to confuse the reader. it’s bad storytelling and will break the reader's immersion.

Make sure that the characters arcs are finished and they have a proper conclusion.

you need to make sure that all of the clues you drop tie together. if they don't, the reader will feel like they were cheated on.

My rating

2/5 on Goodreads. 

Recomendation

I would only really recomend this if you wanted to study storytelling and what works and what doesn’t. I don’t think it’s a lifechanging book that you have to read. 

[kae-karo]

For the writer asks: 19 and 39, only if you feel comfortable!

hi dear!! slkdfjklsdjf yes don't worry i do, tyty!! <3

send me writing asks from this list!

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

ngl i think i started (conceptually) where a lot of people start in terms of writing fanfic, where i was searching for a Concept that i couldn't find but wanted to read about, then had the realization that like...these are just people!! i could do this, i'm a person!!! also wow this got really long i'm so sorry i'm gonna put a 'keep reading' in here cause this is deep kae lore lmao

but i'll back up a tiny bit as well lmao and give u some kae lore - when i was younger, my sister was the 'creative writing' person in the family, i was the math nerd who definitely didn't have the creative chops to write (and hey, my sis was better at it than me, right? so why even try lmao) and to be totally fair, i was really not very skilled at the essay-type writing i was expected to do for english classes/college essays/etc, which i assumed implied that i'd be pretty bad at creative writing as well

fast forward a couple years, i have an Idea™ for a story (like an original story). but obviously, i can't write! so i hit up my sister during a family trip over the holidays and i'm like LOOK bestie i can't write but i CAN get a plot going here, can you write it for me? and she got all excited and we worked together to hash out a plot and stuff, it was good bonding time lmao. ultimately, it never ended up getting written bc she was still in high school and drowning with academics and i was in college and then trying to find a job, etc etc

but like i think that did it for me, that was the thing that really got my head spinning around the idea of engaging with creative writing as like...a thing i might actually be good at. not doing the writing ofc, because i was Bad At Writing™ per my previous experiences, but i wanted to get into the publishing industry cause i figured i could edit manuscripts or something and be Close to the creative writing process (don't @ me i really didn't understand much abt the industry lmao)

so, okay, cool, how to do that? well i was getting burned out on my job at the time and found one at a publishing company, but it was technically under a non-publishing-related sub-company. but hey, that's closer to a publishing company and might open some doors for me, right? so i went for it, and ultimately, that was a good thing, cause it was boring as shit

like the sheer amount of lack of work for this job was extremely mind-numbing, to the point that i spent a good 75% of my time watching youtube vids cause i was just looking for ANY mental stimulation lmao. i'd seen vines (i was late to the vine craze okay) of thomas sanders before, and i saw that he was on youtube, so i crashed through a bunch of his vids. i was also on tumblr but very much lurking, not very participatory, and i stumbled upon a post from a friend i'd followed in college who was a fan of dan and phil (hi if ur reading this hope ur good !! i still think abt that time i wore a lazy cat costume with cat whiskers drawn on my face and u asked me if i was a fan of them and i just had no clue what u were talking abt but thanks for setting off the next several years of me getting into dnp and, subsequently, writing)

ANYWAY so fast forward 4-5mo or so, i finally learn what fanfiction is (yes, this took me til 2017 okay) and i read a bunch to fill all this massively boring spare time i have sitting around at work. and then i have an idea, but the fanfic doesn't exist, and i'm like....lightbulb, i know i can't really write, but what if maybe i give it a try and see? i've read some stuff that isn't like...jaw-dropping top-tier incredible (and i mean this in the most genuine way, i am SO grateful for amateur quality writing bc i think that really shattered my internal narrative about 'only Good Writers should write and post', whatever the hell a 'good writer' is)

and thus, i wrote my first fic. which i then posted on wattpad (lmao) before learning that ao3 was a thing, and was purportedly Much Better, so i crossposted it there. after the first...2 or 3 fics? i posted exclusively there. they were all one-shots, which was about the extent of my confidence and ability at the time like...just getting started writing. and like i just went back and reread the first like...plot-based oneshot (the prior was more poetic and less of a Story) and...i mean i have some commentary for past-me about switching tenses mid-sentence and stuff but i think i did pretty alright for having no creative writing experience lmao

bumps along the way...i'll be honest, the dnp fandom at the time i was writing for it was extremely wholesome and supportive, like i couldn't have asked for a better place to grow my confidence in writing. it was much smaller than the other fandoms i've since written for, and that made it very intimate and easy to gain an audience by word of mouth. during that time, i really don't think i hit any bumps in the road? creatively-speaking, i was kind of brimming with years upon years of unused creative energy that needed a place to go and finally had some sort of outlet, plus the extensive time to devote to cultivating it as a passion

it was really only as dnp slowed down on their own content creation that my interest ended up waning, and as i've said many times, i tend to follow the trail of inspiration - no inspiration = no writing, for the most part. there was a stretch of time between my last dnp fic and my first bnha fic where i really was just sort of floating, which sucked at the time but i now understand how that manifested and was able to recognize it when it rolled around again with my transition from writing for bnha to writing for genshin

i've definitely had patches of time since then where it feels like i'm creatively exhausted, but i've learned how to recognize that as my brain's need to pause and recharge (i wrote a poem abt it actually - x) and along with that comes a bit of self-reflection and acknowledgment that i am not an infinite creative well, and that spawning tons of ideas in my earlier writing career was more a product of having years of pent-up creative energy that needed a release lmao

i've also definitely had ideas that fought me a little bit, which is never fun lmao especially if i'm super committed to them, or excited abt them. i think that's just a product of like. being a creative person and Having Ideas lmao they're not all gonna work out perfectly every time sldkjfklsjfdl

i think that's a pretty decent assessment of where i am now as well? i take ideas as they come as much as i'm able, try to rest when i know i need it (even when i don't wANNA), and follow my inspiration wherever it leads!

as for where i'm going? sldkflksf your guess is as good as mine lmaooo at the moment, i know i have a LOT of genshin ideas that i'm either in the middle of or want to work on, so i suspect fandom-wise i'll be here for a while lmao. from a like...writing writing standpoint, i'm just gonna keep following my inspiration and see where it takes me lmao. i try not to treat writing as like a "how do i get Better" sort of thing? it's my passion, it's my hobby, i'm enjoying it and i enjoy the way i do it, and so far i've been able to create the things i want to create. if i ever run into a roadblock where i can't do what i want to do, then perhaps i'll seek out ways to grow in the direction that'll help me accomplish what i want to accomplish, but until then, i'll keep doing what i'm doing lmao

39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

well tbh i feel like 'giving up' can be interpreted in a few different ways - i'll be totally honest, i've never wanted to give up writing. like. this is it for me lmao at least for the foreseeable future. it brings me a lot of joy, even on the rough days

as i've mentioned, i've had stories that fight with me, and sometimes it's a lack of inspiration (in which case, i set it aside and move on and hope there's a day where i'll be inspired to work on it again), sometimes it's an aspect of the story that i feel is important but can't make it work (in which case i usually spend an hour talking about it aloud until i've worked my way out of the issue)

and sometimes i just get burnt out, which happens every now and then, and i detest it bc i love writing but sometimes i just have to step back and stop for a little bit. but by no means does it equate to giving up entirely - usually it's just a feeling like everything is Bad and Wrong and i can't get myself to do words or when i do they're all Wrong

when that's specific to the story (which i have had happen before too lmao) usually that's a sign that i just need to leave it alone for a little and return to it with a fresh mind - it's never as bad as i think it is while i'm in the middle of it lmao

but none of that means that i don't still feel motivated, or have things that motivate me. a lot of it is that this is my only creative hobby that i do consistently, but i have a LOT of creative energy. so it all tends to funnel into this, and it's emotionally satisfying to manifest something that lives in my head. also i won't lie i write for myself, ultimately, but sharing with other people and getting positive feedback is really encouraging, like knowing that other ppl had fun with the same little brainrot that i did is a really fun feeling

send me writing asks from this list!

[silentprincess100]

SEKAIICHI HATSUKOI ONODERA RITSU NO BAAI Chapter 27 Preliminary Translation (for the impatient)!!!

**MAJOR SPOILERS**

 If you’re like me, you see the new foreign language raws of Sekakoi and are dying to read them right away. For those people, I’ve drafted a preliminary translation of the long-awaited twenty-seventh chapter of The Case of Onodera Ritsu, which just came out on the 29th!!!  My translations are from Chinese, so I can’t vouch for how closely they follow the original Japanese text. As a die-hard fan of Sekakoi, I tried to translate Takano and Onodera as I understand (and LOVE!!) them as people. Just a note, though, my translations air on the liberal interpretation side and hope to refit the text to sound natural (or as natural as possible) in English, so if you’re looking for a word-for-word translation, you won’t find it here. Additionally, I know that there is a group who is officially scanlating SIH, and I do not mean to step on anyone’s toes or offend anyone. This is not a full scanlation in the slightest – it’s just for those who want a quick translation. I would be MORE THAN ECSTATIC AND EXTREMELY HONORED if the scanlation group covering SIH wants to work off of any of my translations, but please contact me if you do. :D

 Credits for the scans that I used to translate go to Tong Meng Hui同萌繪 （ cute and clever name by the way – my inner Chinese history geek heartily approves） scanlation group. The link to their scanlation is here, and I take ABSOLUTELY NO CREDIT for it: https://weibo.com/u/1582384823?is_hot=1#_rnd1514689495071.

Lastly, Shungiku Nakamura’s works belong to her, of course. Please buy the originals to support her work!! (By the way, there is a special thirteenth volume coming out in May with an extra booklet and some sort of marriage related special??!!).

 So!! Enjoy, and feel free to send suggestions. Any errors are mine alone!

*Edited  for a read-more function and some small errors. Sorry everyone and thank you for your patience. 

--

Title Page:

 Surely, these minute details of everyday life will one day become precious memories.

[May 1st Release – Onodera Ritsu no Baai Volume 13 (special edition and extra booklet) Now in pre-sale!!

Also on sale are the extremely popular SIH volumes 1-12 and Junjou Romantica 1-22.

Ultra-capable Editor in Chief x Newbie editor’s sightly realistic publishing company world love story!

SIH will be released as an app-game for smart-phones!!!!

 --

Page 2:

Every time I cross over

Those pink tracks…

--

Page 3:

 clang clang clang

--

Page 4:

 Ritsu: Eh? You’ve moved there?

Mutou Sensei: Oh, do you know the area?

Ritsu: Yes, that was the closest station to my high school! Mutou sensei: Ahhh... I see!

Ritsu: Ah yes, but that you have moved to Tokyo is really quite the surprise.

Mutou sensei: Ahaha. Because handing in the manuscripts on-time and securing assistants was never that convenient…. (I’d about reached my limits!) Ritsu: Ah.

 --

Page 5:

 Ritsu: Also, I know you must be very busy unpacking… but regarding the manuscript… Mutou sensei: It’s no problem at all. I’ve just finished it!

Ritsu: Really? Fantastic! Thank you for your hard work!!!  Ah, so could I come pick it up now?

Ok, great, thank you so much, you’ve been a great help. Ok, I will see you soon.

RItsu (thoughts): it has been so long since I’ve been to XX station….

Looking out the windows of the train on my way to school, every year there would always be cherry blossoms lining the tracks…

 --

Page 6:

 [And

Day

After day

After day

I would be secretly watching Sempai from behind on my way to school.

GAHH~!!!!! Stop thinking about that dark history!!!!!

 --

page 7:

 Takano: What the hell are you doing?

Ritsu: !?(startle!) Why are you here?

Takano: Um maybe because I work here…?

Here are the materials for the meeting. Remember to look them over before tomorrow.

Ritsu: Huh? Ah, okay!

Oh, I am headed over to Mutou Sensei’s house to pick up the manuscript.

Takano: Mutou sensei’s?

Ritsu: Yes, it seems she just moved to Tokyo yesterday.

Takano: No way.

 --

page 8

 Takano: Where does she live?

Ritsu: Um. Well …

At XX station on YY line.

Takano: XX station?

Ah!

That's –

[Don’t say it!!!]  stands up abruptly Ah, well, then I’m headed off.

Takano: Hang on. I’ll be heading out to meet with an author as well, so why don’t we go together?

Ritsu: Ah… but… um…

Takano: What?

Ritsu: It’s nothing.

Ritsu (thinking): If I seem too flustered, he’ll think that I care about it too much!!

 --

page 9:

 Takano: Achoo

Ritsu: Have you caught a cold? Takano: Well, it’s not at full cold status yet, just the first signs.

Ritsu: (Hmph!) Takano-san, it seems that someone hasn’t been taking care of themselves.

Takano: Ah… maybe.

So, why don’t you come over to my house today to take care of me. I’ll make dinner for you. (Aren’t you done for today after picking up the manuscript?)

Ritsu: Blush I’m not going!!

Takano: Oh, right. Here, take this.

 --

page 10

Ritsu: ?

Takano: It’s the key to my apartment.

Ritsu: Huh?

Takano: You can come over whenever you want. Also, as a thank you in return, give me the key to your apartment.

Ritsu: Wha?

Takano: Or why don’t we just move in together. Otherwise, you might die alone at your house and I might never know.

If we live together, the house would be super neat and there would always be hot food to eat, now doesn’t that sound nice?

Ritsu: Huh? Wait!!!

Takano:  And then I wouldn’t have to worry about your friend anymore.

 --

page 11:

 RItsu: Wha – what are you talking about?

Takano: Anyway, come over today.

Ritsu: No thank you – please allow me to decline!

Takano: Why? Ritsu: Well because judging by past experiences… (t/n this could also be “well because common sense tells me…”)

[Ah. The key to Takano-san’s apartment. I remember.]

Takano: What?

Ritsu: … it’s nothing.

Takano: If you have something to say, just say it.

Ritsu: I don’t…

Takano: Onodera.

Ritsu: …

…

Well, that is,

That key to your apartment.. wasn’t it… that was Yokozawa’s before, right?

 --

page 12:

 Ritsu: ...I just suddenly thought of it, that’s all!

An-anyway I’ve got somewhere to be, so I’m heading off. I’ll see you later.

Takano: Onodera.

I’ve already had him return that key to me.

Ritsu: Huh? It’s not as if -  I’m not –

Takano: I’m sorry.

--

page 13:

 Takano: I should have told you properly. I’m sorry.

I had already asked for the key that I gave to Yokozawa back. The key I just gave you is a new one.  

Ritsu: Huh? Ah! I already said that I’m not –

[No no – it can’t seem as if I care about this too much!!]

Ritsu: A-and anyways we rent our apartments, how could you give one to someone else? What will happen when you leave that place?

Takano: I talked it over with the building management before I made this one, so it’s not a problem.

Because, I wanted you to have it no matter what.

 --

page 14:

 Takano: So take it. clink

Ritsu: Wai-

Takano: Bye-bye. I’ll leave Mutou sensei to you then.

Ritsu: Takano-san!!!

Woman: Good work.

Takano: You too.

Ritsu’s thought:  ……Heyyyy…., even if you give me that thing…

 --

page 15:

 slam

Ritsu (thoughts): I’m returning it to him. This is me returning it to him!

Ugh god, what is that person thinking?!

Kisa: Ricchan, you haven’t left yet?

Ritsu: Hahaha, ah, no, I forgot something…

Ritsu (thoughts): Just because he gave me a key, he tells me to give him my key and to live with him. I totally cannot understand what he is thinking!

[but]

Ritsu’s thoughts:  this way…

[He took his key back (from Yokozawa)]

--

page 16:

 ding

Nao: oh, hey! If it isn’t Ritsu!

Ritsu: Nao! You’re working at Marukawa today?

Nao: Yep. I’ve gotten another job here besides the photo collection book. And what are you up to?

Ritsu: I’m on my way to pick up a manuscript.

Nao: (?!) Oh? So you have to go door-to-door to pick up the manuscripts yourself?

Ritsu: No, not every time. This time the author had just happened to have recently moved here, so I thought I’d pay a visit.

Nao: Oh okay, is it nearby?

Ritsu: No, maybe 30-40 minutes by train. Seems to be near my old school – which caught me by surprise!

 --

Page 17:

 Nao: Huuuuh. Did you suggest that place to sensei?

Ritsu: No, it was just a coincidence!

Nao: Uh-huh…

Ritsu: Then, I’ll see you later!

Nao: I’ll go with you.

Ritsu: What?

Nao: Well, I was just getting ready to head back anyway.

Ritsu: Huh? Um… but I’m going for work…

Nao: It’s fine, it’s fine. I won’t go with you to the author’s house.

 --

page 18:

 Ritsu: Ummmm..but.. Nao: I just want to see what your old school was like! After I take a look, I’ll head back on my own – so there’s no issue, right?

Ritsu: That is….. Errrrr…. Um…

 --

Page 19:

 Announcement: XX station. XX station. Doors will open on your left.

(sound effect: clang clang clang)

--

page 20:

 Nao: Ritsu? The gate finally went up (Ah. Sure took its time.)

Ritsu: Oh right, sorry! Um, it’s this way! The school is about five minutes walking distance from here.

Nao: OK. Nao: Hey, is it that building right over there? Ritsu: Ah, yes.

RItsu (thoughts): The uniforms haven’t changed at all.

Nao: Wowww, pretty impressive school you have here!!

 --

page 21:

 [Ahhhh…. Right. Takano-san and I have definitely walked this path before…]

Startle

Ritsu (thoughts): It seems I’ve started thinking of a lot of different things….

(muddle muddle)

That sort of sordid history can’t be summed up with simple “nostalgia….”

Nao: Has it changed?

--

page 22:

 RItsu: Huh?

Nao: The school.

Ritsu: Oh, I’m not sure. From the outside, it looks like it hasn’t changed…

Nao: Well I’m sure they’ve renovated it since then.

Ritsu: Ah, that’s true…

Nao: …. Uh huh…. Ten years ago, you met Saga-sempai here huh….

Ritsu: What? (*heartbeat*) Ah, um…. Yeah.

Nao: Hmm….

--

page 23:

 Nao: I clearly don’t know anything about the Ritsu of that time, and yet that person does. It really doesn’t sit well with me.

Ritsu: Huh? What are you talking abou-

Nao: Ritsu.

I really do love you.

--

Page 24:

 Ritsu: …..

…. What?

Nao: At first it was just because I thought you were at risk and couldn’t stop worrying about you that I became your friend.

But after that, after spending each day with you, slowly but surely, I started to really understand you. And then, I fell in love with you.

Narration: [He did recently say, “I’m serious about this.” Could it be… that it was true?]

 --

Page 25:

Ritsu: B-but, in all the time I’ve known you, you’ve never…

Nao: Well, that’s obviously because I didn’t want to let you find out.

It was, after all, under those circumstances, and I also thought maybe I was confusing feelings of empathy with romantic interest.

But later I realized that it was, in fact, interest.

And you never mentioned anything about Saga-sempai again. I even breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that you had finally given him up.

Because I had seen how depressed you were then, I thought that any confession that I would make might cause you even more pain.

So, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

 --

page 26:

 Nao: Rather than risk pushing you away with a confession, it would be better to continue to be friends… is what I thought. So I didn’t say anything.

… but… in the end, I couldn’t accept that.

After we parted I also had a lot of different experiences, but in the end, from then until now, it was always you that I loved

Ritsu: O-oh, is that so… I’m sorry. At the time, because I was so caught up in my own affairs, I never noticed.

Nao: Ahahaha. You really are thick-headed.

--

page 27:

 Nao: Are you still in love with Saga-sempai?

Ritsu: Huh?

Nao: Ritsu, don’t let yourself get hurt like you did last time.  

Ritsu: Hu-hurt? I was never-

Nao: So… it is just that you’ve been restrained by these feelings of “I liked him,” am I right?

--

page 28:

 Nao: I don’t want to see you like that ever again.

Ritsu: Nao… Nao.

Nao: Even if he has changed his name, he is still that same guy that hurt you!

Since he is your boss, I can’t ask you not to see him again, but to be honest, just seeing him by your side - it pisses me off.

 --

page 29:

Nao: I hope that you will take some time to think this over properly, so you don’t have to give me an answer right now.

But from now on I hope you can see me as a potential romantic partner.

Well, then, I’m heading off now. Bye bye!

Ritsu: Eh – Nao!

Nao: I’m satisfied by seeing the school; hurry up and pick up your manuscript!

Ah. Ritsu. I just want you to remember this.

 --

page 30:

 Nao: I definitely treasure you more. At least a lot more than any “Saga-sempai” or “Takano san” ever could.

 --

page 31:

 [… … … Nao.

He is serious about me. He truly is a good friend. When I had fallen so deeply into the pit of despair, he was always there to support me. It’s hard to even say just how much he helped me.]

Ritsu (thoughts): Because I had always seen him as a friend, I never even noticed… He said he didn’t need an answer right away, but I should have let him down right then.

Even if he says that he wants me to see him as a romantic partner, I still only see him as a friend.

[And what’s more…]

 Memory: Nao: So… it is just that you’ve been restrained by these feelings of “I liked him,” am I right?

 --

page 32:

 […. Could that be it?]

Ritsu (thoughts): No, that can’t be right. My past was always a dark patch of history devoid of any sort of happy memories.

And what’s even more, with the ten years intervening, it is hard to even glimpse a shadow of what it was like back then.

Yes, that’s it.

[Not only tyrannical, but also unyielding, his personality is the worst, and he is always doing all this inappropriate stuff to me].

……

[But.]

[He’s very capable when it comes to work, and every manga that he has a hand in creating is interesting. He does say things that are way over the line… but in the end, his advice is always on the mark.]

--

page 33:

 [When I succeed, he praises me, and he also has always believed in me… moreover, he says that he has never stopped loving me over these past ten years.]

….

I should really clear things up with Nao.

[I’m not being restrained by old feelings. And I’m not being controlled by them either. I really need to tell him that it is not like that at all.]

 --

page 34:

 Ritsu: Huh?

Hatori: Welcome back. That took a while, huh.

Ritsu: Ah, I’m sorry about that. When I picked up the manuscript, we also chatted about content for next chapter.

Takano-san isn’t back yet?

Hatori: He said that he was headed straight home after his meeting with the author.

Ritsu: Huh?!

Hatori: Did something happen?

Ritsu: Eh? Ah, no! I see, so that’s what he said.

Oh, well, then I’ll be headed off as well.

Hatori: Okay, good work today.

 --

page 35:

 [Anyway – his key! What should I do with it?!]

Ritsu (thoughts): Since he went straight home, that means that he has to have another key, right? Then, it’s a non-issue. I’ll just leave the key here and go straight home, right?!

But what if some sort of accident happens if I leave it here – that’s scary to think about.

We-well, but, why does it have to be me who worries about this kind of stuff?

phone rings

Ritsu: Hello?!!

Takano: I don’t have a key, so I can’t get into my house.

Ritsu: What?

Why?

Takano: Didn’t I just give my key to you?

--

page 36:

 Ritsu: Huh? But that’s a spare, right? Don’t you have another set?

Takano: I left them at home.

Ritsu: What?!

Takano: Aren’t you finished with work already anyways? Come back; I’ll make dinner for you.

Ritsu (thoughts): Okay, you DEFINITELY did that on purpose just because I didn’t agree to eat dinner with you. You KNEW your other key was at your house, and purposefully gave me your only key…

Takano: If you don’t come back, then I can’t make dinner, so get moving.

Ritsu: Please don’t be so difficult! Why couldn’t you have just not given me the key in the first place? Takano: ACHOO

 --

page 37:

 Takano: Achooo

Ritsu: Hey, wait a second, are you alright?  

Takano: sniff What?

Ritsu: You have a cold, don’t you?

Takano: I don’t.  

Achoo

Ritsu: Ahh, you do, though. Okay, okay, I get it, I get it.

[DAMNNIT!!] grabs

[Doing this sort of childish thing just to play around with people– it would clearly be best if I just let him deal with things by himself.]

Ritsu (thoughts): But, if his cold gets worse and he tries to pin this all on me, that’ll suck.

 --

page 38:

[I really want to tell him that he is just getting what he deserves. Are you an idiot?! What the heck is going on in the brain of yours? This isn’t for Takano-san at all. It’s only because I have a lot that I want to say that I’m running…. And bringing Takano-san’s key…]

 --

page 39:

 Ritsu panting from running

Ah ha ah hah

Ritsu: WHAA?

Takano: I’m starving. (It’s hot out.)

Ritsu: And I just ran all the way here from the station!!

Takano: You’re kidding.

Ritsu: I’m not! Because if you died in the doorway, I’d have nightmares. (You just figured that out now, didn’t you?!)

Takano: ….

Ah….

 --

page 40:

 Takano: Thanks. pat pat Sorry, but I’m super happy right now.

Ritsu: Please! Please don’t do such childish things!

Takano: All I did was give you my key.

Ritsu: So, I’m saying, this sort of thing –

Takano: Here. Drink this.

Ritsu (thoughts): Huh…? Isn’t this already half empty?  Which means…

Takano: Our relationship is past the point of being embarrassed over indirect kisses, no?

Ritsu: TAKANO-SAN!!!!! (blush blush blush!)

Takano: Alright, alright.

Were you able to collect the manuscript?

--

page 41:

 Ritsu: Ah, yes. Sensei also sends her regards.

Takano: Where’s her house near?

RItsu: Oh, remember the bus station in front of the school? It’s that apartment that you can see right after you turn onto the side-road.

Takano: … Ah. It’s sort of coming back to me.  Actually, I remember standing in front of the street-gate waiting for it to go up and getting pissed when it wouldn’t. (Ritsu – bdmp)

Is it still the same?

Ritsu: Eh, ah, yes. B-but I never thought I had to wait long there.

Takano: No way.

Ritsu: … Ah. B-but Nao also complained that it took forever.

 --

page 42:

 RItsu urk : Ah….

Takano: …

You. You went with Nao to pick up the manuscript?

Ritsu: … Um… about that… Please let me explain.

Takano: In the hallway?

Ritsu: Huh? Ah, ummm. Then I’ll just send you an email when I get home.

Takano: Didn’t I just tell you? I don’t have a key.

 --

Page 43:

 Takano: Open the door.

Ritsu: …

k-chak

Takano: Go on.

blocking the way

Ritsu: Ta-takano-san. Um. Nao was at the company for work, and I just happened to run into him in the lobby.

 --

page 44:

Ritsu: I – after I said that Sensei’s house was close to my old school, he said he wanted to come see it. I turned him down, but in the end I wasn’t able to lose him.

Ah, but of course, I didn’t tell him Mutou Sensei’s address. We just walked together next to the school, and then split up.

Takano: What did you talk about?

Ritsu: Just some regular topics.

Takano: What do you mean by “regular?”

Ritsu: J-just. About school. About old times.  

Takano: And you were confessed to as well, weren’t you?

 --

page 45:

 Ritsu: startle

Takano: …. So what did you say.

Ritsu: Please don’t use such leading questions to interrogate me!

Takano: But if I didn’t do that, you wouldn’t say anything, no?

Ritsu: O-okay yes, he confessed, but I said before that I only see Nao as a friend, so I was surprised.

Takano: And how did you respond?

Ritsu: I- I didn’t. Because he said that I didn’t need to respond right away.

Takano: …

Ritsu: And!

--

page 46:

 Takano: And what?

Ritsu: ….

Ritsu: I’m heading back. Here is your key!!

Grab

Ritsu: Wha-

Takano: You still haven’t answered me.

Ritsu: Please let me go!

Push

Ritsu: Waa!!

Takano: So. After I find out that the person I like has been confessed to, you expect me to hold my composure?

--

page 47:

 Takano: Even when it was just that the guy knew things about those ten years of yours that I didn’t, I was pissed. Why did it have to be at this time, another moment in which I wasn’t there, that you were confessed to?

[E-even if you say that]

Takano: …

Even though I’ve resolved myself to waiting for you, I can still get worried.

So. How many more times do I have to hold you for you to finally belong to me?  (t/n also could be read as how many times do we have to sleep together for you to finally belong to me.)

--

page 48:

 Takano: Ritsu. I love you.

So, hurry up and give your full self to me

.

--

page 49:

 mouth mouth

RItsu: Haaa

Tremble

Ritsu: Ha

Ritsu: Wai-

Drop

RItsu: Ah, ha tremble

Takano: You’re so warm.

bite

--

page 50:

 glub glub

Ritsu: hah hah

 --

page 51:

 Ritsu: Hah, hah hah

suckle suckle suckle, kiss kiss kiss

RItsu: Ta-takano san! (hahh)

Liiiick

Takano: What?

Ritsu: It’s – it’s already…

If you contin…ue…

!!

Mouth

Jolt

 --

page 52:

 Ritsu: Ahh!!

Ritsu (thought): Ah. Because there is a layer of cloth between us, I feel like, somehow, it’s not enough.

Fondle fondle, grope, grope

Takano: Is it uncomfortable?

RItsu: (hahh) I-it…

Takano: Do you want to get off?

Ritsu: Didn’t I just tell you to stop these leading questions?

Takano: And didn’t I just tell you to give your full self to me?

Ritsu: Hah. Hah.

 --

page 53:

 RItsu: ……

…. It’s too embarrassing. Please don’t look.

 --

page 54:

 RItsu: Ah, ah. Ah ah.

Thrust thrust thrust

Takano’s thoughts: Ahhh…. Feels great.

--

page 55:

thrust hahh

[Right now, what I’m feeling in my heart, it isn’t just old emotions.]

Ritsu (thought): Ah, so deep.

RItsu (thought): Ah. Why does he always touch there….

What should I do… It feels so good.

[There is a sort of feeling that doesn’t solely belong to then, and yet also doesn’t solely belong to now, that is slowly blossoming within my chest.]

Lick

Memory: Are you in love with Saga-sempai?

 --

page 56:

 Takano: Ritsu.

[But to think that this feeling might be “love”?]

thrust

Ritsu: Ah!

turns over

Takano: Man, you’re a mess.

 --

page 57:

 [On the other hand, if this isn’t “love” then what else can it be called?]

Ritsu: Takano san. Hah hah.

[This feeling is slowly building up, and the more it builds up, the stronger it gets.]

[How much longer will it be until I finally escape his hold on me?]

 --

page 58:

 Takano and Onodera: ACHOOO.

Takano: Your greeting?

Ritsu: Good morning!!

Takano: Morning. What, do you have a cold?

Ritsu: NO!

 --

page 59:

 Ritsu (thoughts): It can’t be that I caught Takano-san’s cold. That would suck!!

Sniffle

Ritsu: Takano-san, you’re up early today.

Takano: I have a meeting first thing. (pain in the ass!)

But that means we can head to the office together.

clang clang

Takano: By the way, when I heard you talk about old school memories, I thought of something.

Ritsu: What?

Takano: On my way to school and on my way home from school, you were always following me, no?

 --

page 60:

 Ritsu: Wha-wha-wha- what are you saying? Hahahahahaha.

Takano: Ah, so it’s true.

Ritsu: Why would I do something like that? We went to the same school; of course we took the same route to and from school!

Takano: Well, whatever, it’s an indisputable fact that you were my stalker, though.

Ritsu: Th-that was your imagination. Takano-san, don’t you think that you’re flattering yourself?

Takano: Flattering myself shouldn’t be a problem though. Anyway, it is just around you that it happens.

 --

page 61:

 Ritsu: Huh?!!!

[We will soon be arriving at Fantian Bridge (t/n not sure what the Japanese is here) station.

[Every time I cross over those pink tracks…

Overtime, that street-gate became infamous, and everyone grew to hate it.

But, for me, that street-gate was always a place that I looked forward to.

Because it was there, day after day, that I could see the person I loved.

 --

page 62:

 RItsu: ….

Takano: I’m being watched again… (What the heck is he doing?)

 [Days until Ritsu falls in love (completely): 36.]

 [The end]