#i havent seen shit of it. youre telling me he KILLED himself. was brought back. AND THEN LEFT HALFWAY THROUGH??

[batshikns]

my favs are both complete opposites but also so similar??

[istherewifiinhell]

anyway havent had the wearwithall to finish a post or lay stuff out With Proof. in some way yet but. Just lets play our favourite game. This story from someone elses perspective.

the very funny stone pov. ur the oldest coolest strongest guy around doing ur tasks and also lookig to bring home a guy/polictical tool for ur granddaughter. u see a alone consort guy and ur like okay. interesting. but when he sees u watching he gets SO SCARED and runs away. then u see him sentenced to death via the elements.so u save his life. and turns out hes the most neurotic lost puppy in the whole world. and he doesnt know anything. and he thinks your going to kill him for the weirdest things. and hes an asshole. but also probably sometimes he looks at you and your like. jesus. this fucking kid. all through it all ur still mostly considering using him politically/setting him up with ur granddaughter. and not telling him.

and then get in the shit at this place u were going to that got all destoryed and ur fighting for ur life and all that. and the little idiot followed you in? and saves you and you save him. and then hes looking SO SCARED but different scared and hes all banged up and ur like. jesus. kid. and its like... okay well what if we did sometime crazy ur not gonna like it AT ALL. and he would have to trust you. AND HE DOESNT TRUST U. but he does it.

and u show him more of you and The Lost Neurotic Puppy factor has just gone throught the roof. cornered prey AND homesick dog. and he finds out the other part of the plan. and he HATES that hes NOT gonna do that... but he keeps hedging whether hes gonna run away now. while reaffirm his commitment to 'helping temporarily'.

likeee do u get my point just like. that moon is NOT actually able to hide whats going on for him and like. damn. thats insane. whats wrong with this guy (his pathetic and abrasive nature has charmed another grandfatherly figure)

OR. and this one sends me into hysterics. from jades pov i think this turns into a DIFFERENT genre eh? like ur grandpa was supposed to bring you a politicial/royal match but he brought... a dark brooding stranger... hes a little Wild. he Hunts or Runs off by himself, he doesnt know the customs blah blah. He's illusive and wont accept ur gifts what are you doing wrong!!! and u travel off with him and its like. right hes neurotic and shy and he maybe doesnt wanna stay. oh but hes so good at solving problems in excepted ways. he nearly dies saving ppl. and u gotta like. hold his weak shivering form <- take a shot every time. and anyway he WONT commit to you... he MIGHT CONSIDER giving u some kids tho... but its complicate. and he DID seem interested for a second but breaks it off... but u have gotten the faint impression he does likes being lead/bossed/pushed around a bit.

including up to. getting attacked and he kills and enemy but not b4 u hear stuff where its like. Woah. did he betray you all. can he be trusted. but no its actually just. His Tragic Backstory, THE SECOND PART. oh and another, ah thats why hes like that. in general and about ur advances. but anyway he tells you all that be hesssss freezing to death.... wont someone keep him warm 👀. and NOW finally. he wants u back. cause he just really needed to be seen and acceptected that bady. oh and... He does. Like being pushed around. btw.

insane. insane. his stray dog rizz. his. horrible everything going on that is impossible to resist. as long as where INSIDE moons head the story is filtered thru his 8000 layers of social calculus and his constant mantra of 'what the fuck is going on and Are you going to kill me and fuck this shit honestly im so tired' but thinking NOT seeing his thougths its hard to imagine it makes it less obvious that his whole. shit. is fucked like that. it would just instead be. ppl reacting to the scrappiest little weirdo in the world. my little freak. what do the kids say. pookie?

[tomdiddlyumptious]

Hey! Ive been feeling a bit in the muds so could you do like and old type of fanfic...like a mob!tom on a retro phone just sweet talking the reader?

Only if your requests are open tho. I dont wanna be a burden

Aw baby you could never EVER be a burdon. Dont ever be shy to talk to me because im always here babe.

T.H| What a Sweetheart

Summary: 👺👺👺

Warnings: ah just some fluff- i went overboard i hope your okay with that-

A/n: I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER- HERE ILL POST A WEIRD VIDEO FOR YOU

There you sat. The baby pink everywhere as you laid on your stomach rocking your feet and reading a book, sucking on your lolipop

Ring Ring, Ring Ring

A smile and a giggle brought to your lips, sitting up and crawling to the old pink retro phone you answered, curling the wire around your fingers with the other hand holding the pop.

“Hey babyface” “hi tommy” he also laid there, in the darkness as he starred at the empty wall, shirtless and pantless, just in his boxers and in his socks rubbing his stomach and wanting to listen to your voice.

“I missed you” you laughed at his words “i missed ya to tommy” “i miss your voice...that pretty face of yours” “well i cant come see you, daddy stays at home now and he needs my help” “i dont need your help princess” you giggled at his joke “not youuuu, my real daddy”

“Mhmm princess, well what are you wearing?” You looked down at yourself then squealed “well i just got this fuzzy pink robe! Its so cute!” He chuckles and shifted in his spot. “Are you tired dollface?” Your lips go to the side for a moment, thinking before speaking.

“Kind of” “well, can i talk you to sleep” he desperately asked, biting his lip waiting for an answer. “Yeah let me go turn off the lights” you muttered, putting the phone down before getting up and walking to your door to switch the light off.

When you came back to your large bed you cleaned everything up and tom waited patiently, humming some songs to himself before you came back.

“Alright, what dya’ got for me” you asked, laying down on your side and holding onto the phone. “I just wanted to praise you bunny. Tell you how beautiful you are and how much i love you. How you speak and walk....your just everything for me ya know?”

“Really?” You said, your voice shrinking. “Of course baby, you deserve the whole wide world, do you know that? I feel like you should just sit on a cloud because your too good for this earth”

You sighed “thank you, but whats going on with you?” He bit his lip before answering, sitting up against the headboard “uhm, this job has been so stressful lately, i havent seen my family at all. I havent seen you- i just feel alone...”

“Oh...well i can ask my daddy to drop me off” you suggested. “No you dont have to, i only wanted to hear that sweet sweet voice” he chuckled, his head hanging low as he thought about what to buy you next.

“Im still listening!” You perked up making him laugh “i know you are princess, just lay down yeah? All ears for me?” “Got it tommy” “you ready?” “Mhm”

“I wanna buy you everything and more because your such a good girl for me, i wanna pleasure you in any and every way possible because you deserve it” “really? Give me some examples” “i dont know....rub your feet?” You both shared a small laugh “i know youve been wanting that fox fur coat..”

“I would fucking kill for that coat” “your daddy hasnt bought it for you yet?” He asked, a smirk on his face. “No, i havent asked at all” “whys that baby girl?”

You sighed before answering “because hes been so hard on me...hes getting old and-“ “you dont have to finish baby i know, i just wish we could all get together and be happy” “why cant we?” You asked rather innocently.

“Well...your daddy doesnt like my dad, and my dad doesnt like yours so we just continue to clash and fued” he wiped his eye. “Thats no fun, maybe i can talk to him” “what are you gonna say? That we are in love together and we wanna get married?” He sarcastically chuckled and your eyebrows furrowed.

“Well do you?” You asked. “Yeah doll...i do. Why dont we just run away and kill everyone in our path”

He didnt know why he was suggesting it. He in one of the biggest mobs and hes held responsible as one of the main people in the family, aside from you and yours. He really isnt the one for violence but he just wants at least a break of peace.

“Daddy wouldn’t like that” you shook your head. “I know, i just really miss you pretty girl” “i miss you to tom- thats why i wanna see you-“ “no itll just put you in danger! Stay home y/n” “what if i dont want to!”

“Then you cant come here. Im sorry!” “I dont care, bye-“ “wait-“ before he could finish you hung up the phone, dropping it back on its place before getting up and putting on your slippers and walking to the kitchen, finding your father eating.

“Daddy no carbs!” “Honey its 9 o’clock, give me a break” he glared at you, eating the piece of buttered bread. “Well i have a questionnnn” you distanced off, the slippers making a noise while you walked to the counter where your father was at. “Hm?” He groaned looking at you. “Dont get mad at me! Promise!” You said, holding up your hand and tilting your head at him.

“Spit it out y/n” “okay okay- can you pretty please talk to the hollands-“ he choked on the piece of bread “daddy!” You run up to him, aggressively patting his back. “Okay okay- im done! But you said what?” He looked at you with his eyebrows furrowed.

“The....hollands” you muttered looking away from him. “We have been against each othet for generations! And what makes you want to speak and collaborate with them” “daddy...theres this-“ “oh fuck off! Please dont tell me-“ you only nodded. “A white man?” “Daddy!” “What? Im being honest!”

“Whens the next meeting!” You asked. “In a week”

This is your first time ever coming to one of the meetings, and you were afraid. Your mob color is a dark brown so you wore it...daddy refused to let you wear anything too revealing because these men are dirty.

“Cover yourself!” “What are you talking about!” “Y/n.” “Finnneeee!” You stomped back to your room and your dad gifted you a tuxedo, so you wore it...

“Seeeeee you look great! Your grandfather would be so proud of you” news flash. All the women in the family ran away or whatever, they didnt know what they were getting their sleves into.

“Can we just leave”

Clank clank clank clank

You walked behind your dad and his close partners followed behind you, protecting you from toms family.

“You do not speak. You hear me y/n. Just sit down and listen” “yeah” you were nervous, ver nervous. So when you stepped in and seen absolutely no women at the tables you panicked. But when you made eye contact with tom you almost shit yourself.

He eyed you from afar, wondering why you were here. Why are you putting yourself in danger.

As everyone talked you sat there bored until someone made a comment about you. “Why is she here? Shes a beaut” he snickers, others laughing to.

Your dad stood “talk about my daughter again and i will kill you, understood?” He snapped, shrinking the man down to size. “Honey get out of here” he smiled at you and you stood, one of his friends pat coming with you outside.

“Why did you come here?” He asked, offering a cigarette but you declined. “I just wanted to see what its like” “no dont lie to me dollface, i know you were eyeing that boy” you side eyed him before groaning “is it obvious!” He laughed and took out his lighter.

“Very” “i dont like him” “well he likes you” he took a puff and put the lighter back in his front pocket. “How can you tell” you leaned up against the wall and crossed your arms. “He was only looking at you” he smiled, you smacked your lips. “You have em wrapped on your finger, you should take advantage of that”

“Well i dont wanna hurt people like you!” You whisper yelled. “Its business baby, has been for years” he shrugged. “Well maybe i can change it” “eh, it’s possible” he shrugged “but it aint easy”

You both heard the door get pushed open aggressively and turned around, seeing tom walking up to you. “Woah woah woah, slow your roll” pat said, stepping infront of you. “Can i just talk to her- give me like 20 minutes” “why should i do that” pat dropped the cigarette and stepped on it.

“Because i want to talk to her- if i dont make it back it twenty minutes i swear ill give you everything i have” “i dont want anything, y/n do you wanna go” pat looked back at you. You harshly swallowed before nodding your head, pat stepped aside and tom smiled, pulling your hand and tugging you to run with him.

“Baby” he said out of breath, both of you ran to the trunk of his car. “Y-yes tommy?” “I got you a gift” “what is it!” You perked up and he giggled “something youll never forget” he pulled out his key and opened the trunk, a large gift box with a pink bow on it. “Do you love me y/n?” He asked, looking at you.

“Yeah...i really do” you smiled and bit your lip nodding. “Open it” he muttered, you nervously took the bow out, slowly opening the top of the box “tommy i dont know...” “dont be scared! Open it!!” He edged you on.

Suddenly it started to sprinkle, soon turning into some heavy rain. “Y/n hurry up before you get a cold!” He said sternly and you did, a gasp left your lips as you raised the coat. “You bought it for me” you whispered and he nodded, he took the coat to put it on you, when you were finished your pressed your lips on his roughly, his hands hooking behind your knees to lift you up and put yout legs around his hips.

“I. Love. You. So. Much” you said between kisses. “I know princess, just know id kill for you if i had to” “i would too tommy, i would too” he smiled and pressed his forehead against yours, the rain coming down making your hair frizzy but he could care less, he loved you. “I wish we could be like this forever” you whispered against his lips before kissing him again. “We can baby, I promise” “how tommy?” You rubbed your nose against his “running away” “tommy i cant, you know this-“ “but arent you tired doll, it would just be me and you” he muttered, pinching your legs some.

You bit your lip before pressing a kiss on his lips. “Okay” “really?!” He smiled “yeah yeah lets go!” He carefully dropped you and slammed the trunk closed, he unlocked the car and you both hopped in, on the road you both go.

“I dont have any clothes!” “I can buy you everything you want and more princess, dont worry. Andddd letters. You always write your father some letters pretty girl” he smiled at you.

“Love you” “love you too”

[risottoneroo]

self indulgence, pt13

a/n: oooo spooky, anyways um. hope yall like it. i have zero idea when to end this

warnings: mafia dynamics, i really havent written any smut in here in a while huh, injury mentions, torture mentions

The day after, you started work as Risotto’s second in command. You found out that the transition from one boss to another had been nearly seamless.

 Most of the capos had found working for a faceless man to be frustrating, so they were glad to see a man they knew take over. A few had held out resistance, but most were easily converted. The Hitman Team had all been put into capo positions, except Pesci, who was still working under Prosciutto. He had been found and was now working hard, eager to distract himself. 

Your main job would be to organize information for Risotto and to find leaks, if any existed. It was tiring work, but you enjoyed it. 

Bruno brought you coffee at your desk outside RIsotto’s office, smiling gently. “First day?”

You laughed and took it. “Yeah. It’ll be fun.”

He nodded and winked. “Come visit Leone and I when you can, or tell me when you’re free. We’d love to talk.”

You smiled at him. “You two have been good friends.”

Bruno laughed softly and kissed your cheek. “So have you.”

You were on your feet most of the day, walking around Naples and becoming familiar with the area. After your first day, you and Risotto collapsed into bed together, exhausted from the long day, but satisfied. He smiled over at you. “I love you. I couldn’t do this without you.”

You sat up to strip off your dress, smiling back at him. “We need to make wedding plans soon.”

He groaned softly. “Can’t we just elope?”

You giggled softly.“I wish. You know this will be a huge event. Your capos wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He closed his eyes. “I’m too tired.”

You hummed, tugging at his tie. “At least take your clothes off. They were expensive.”

He groaned again and began to unbutton his shirt. 

You took his clothes from him and hung them up. Risotto’s eyes followed you as you walked to and from the closet, naked as the day you were born. You smiled at him. “Let’s get some sleep.”

He nodded, and you laid down next to him. He pulled you close. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

You hummed, cuddling into him. “You’re such a flirt.”

He kissed your forehead. “It’s true.”

Your second day brought you into the back room of Libecco. You had worn a dark red dress with high heels. You were eye level with Bruno as he greeted you. “Y/N. I have an urgent matter for you.”

You laughed softly and leaned in to kiss him on both cheeks. “Don’t be so formal. We are friends, Bruno.”

He smiled and reciprocated. “The truth is, one of the locals here has been bad mouthing Passione. He knows a lot about it, and I know there must be a leak somewhere.”

You hummed. “If there is one, I’ll find it. Now, I should go before-“

The door creaked open, and Mista’s voice, raspy from lack of sleep, rang into the room. “Bucciarati, I-”

You turned to look at him. “Mista?”

He still looked terrible. He looked you over. “You look amazing.”

The compliment felt like a knife in your windpipe. You swallowed. “You look like shit.”

He sneered. “You can thank your-“

He choked out the words. “Your fiancé for that one.”

You frowned. “I don’t understand.”

Mista held out his hands, which were covered in newly healed, pink scars. “I asked to see you when I heard you were hurt. He said no.”

You swallowed. “Mista, you can’t expect him to want you around me. You love me.”

Mista’s eyes darkened. “You used to call me Guido. And you used to tell me you loved me too.”

Bruno looked between you two, and stepped back. You shot him a desperate look, and he looked away. Traitor. 

You looked at Mista. “I was lying. You were paying me to lie.”

Mista’s hands trembled. “But I believed you.”

You could see his eyes welling up, and you cursed yourself for coming here alone. You swallowed. “I made my choice.”

Mista spat, “And you chose money and power over true love. Like a good whore.”

Bruno inhaled, and you winced as if you’d been slapped. Bruno grabbed Mista by the ear, pinching roughly. “You don’t speak to her like that. She’s been a good friend to all of us. She was good to you, and to Leone and I. Don’t disrespect her. She chose a better life, and she deserves that.”

You swallowed. “I chose love.”

Mista’s anger deflated. “You-?”

You held your head high. “I love Risotto. I have for years. I chose him.”

Bruno threw Mista down at your feet. “You’re lucky if she doesn’t kill you. I know that I would.”

Mista looked up at you, and you noticed a scar on his jawline. “Mista, did Risotto give you those?”

He nodded, looking down. “I wanted to see you, so I visited, but he’d posted guards. They took me, and he tortured me. A hundred cuts.”

You nodded. “You disobeyed an order.” 

Mista’s lip curled. “I dared to love you. Risotto won’t let anyone near you.”

You bit your lip. “That’s not true. Bruno comes to visit me. I have other friends.”

Mista glanced at Bruno. “Does he?”

Bruno sighed. “We went for coffee yesterday.”

Mista shook his head. “I thought Risotto had banned you from seeing your old clients.”

You looked down. “Just you.”

Bruno looked up. “Fugo needs me. I’ll be back in just a second.”

Before you could cry out, he was gone. Mista was staring at you, his eyes wide. They were almost black, full of pain. Mista’s voice cracked as he whispered, “Why just me-?”

You swallowed. “I’m sorry he did that to you. I’ll talk to him about it.”

Mista caught your wrist. “He’s not just scared about me. He’s scared about you. That you’ll leave him.”

You stiffened. “Don’t-”

Mista pulled you in close, and you could smell his breath, thick with coffee and liquor. “You did love me.”

You tried to twist away, but his grip was too strong, crushing the bones in your wrist against each other. He examined your face, his eyes scanning you. “He bought you this dress, didn’t he?”

You inhaled. “It’s not important.”

Mista closed his eyes. “You do love him, don’t you?”

You nodded. “I do.”

He looked at you. “Don’t lie to me. Did you love me?” You closed your eyes. “Yes.” A quiet noise caught in his throat. “Kiss me.”

You shook your head and pulled away. “I won’t.”

You could see tears welling in his eyes. “Please. If you loved me. One last time.”

You shook your head again. “It’s wrong. Stop this. Go find someone else, live happily.”

Mista’s tears spilled over. “There is no one else. No one else who can help me.”

Bruno came back into the room, looking angry. “Guido Mista. She’s not your plaything that you can let out your emotions on.”

Mista shook his head. “I love her.”

Bruno slapped him, hard. “I don’t care. You need to get over this and stop blaming her for the way you’re acting. Stop expecting her to fix you when you’re not even allowed to talk to her.”

Mista reeled, clutching his cheek. Bruno shook out his hand. “You’ll be lucky if you’re alive when the Don hears about this. You’d be even luckier if he decides to kill you quickly.”

Bruno turned to you. “I’m sorry, bella.”

You shook your head. “He’s in pain.”

Bruno’s eyes softened. “I’ll be sending a few of my team with you while you search for the leak. Is that all right?”

You smiled. “Which ones?”

Bruno tilted his head. “Leone, and I think Fugo should go with you two. Unless you want more bonding time with Giorno.”

You laughed. “Leone and Fugo are fine.”

Bruno nodded, leading you out of the room. “Fugo is a nice kid. He’s a little hotheaded, but he’s very smart.”

Their table was full, and Leone nodded at you. Bruno led you to a kid with sandy blonde hair. “Pannacotta Fugo, this is Y/N-”

You smiled, holding out your hand. “Nero. Y/N Nero.”

Fugo’s eyes widened. “You’re married to the Don?”

You laughed. “Not yet, but I figured I should start getting used to it.”

Fugo bowed deeply. “You have my respect. I heard that you helped contain the former Don.”

You laughed. “I didn’t do that much.”

Giorno spoke up. “Your ribs are still bruised, and your fiance is now Don of the Mafia. You did more than you think.”

You glanced at him, and he was looking at you with the same kind of quiet admiration that Fugo was. Fugo nodded. “You have our loyalty.”

You nodded. “I assumed so, but I enjoy the reassurance.”

Leone stood. “Now that the formalities are over.”

He kissed your cheek. “Good to see you.”

You nodded and reciprocated. “Bruno has informed me of a possible leak. I think we should go talk to the source.”

Leone nodded, looping his arm into yours. “Tell me about your new life. How is your fiance?”

As you started to walk, you caught sight of Mista walking out from the back room. Fugo, walking next to you, murmured, “He looks like shit.”

You sighed softly. “My fault.”

Fugo laughed softly. “He disobeyed the Don. That’s what he gets.”

You glanced at him, and he was looking at you. His eyes were reassuring. This isn’t your fault, Mista is an idiot and we all know it, he seemed to be saying.

You smiled at him. Leone nodded. “Mista was stupid, and he paid for it. You have successfully made yourself completely untouchable. A stupendous feat for a whore.”

You elbowed him. “Rude.”

He huffed out a breath. “I meant it as a compliment.”

Fugo flushed. “Is that how you and Bruno know her?”

Leone laughed softly. “Mista too.”

Fugo turned away. “Gross. I can't believe I’m on this mission with you two.”

You smiled at him. “It was just a job.”

Fugo fake gagged. “I can’t. You had sex with Bucciarati and Abbacchio. They’re old!”

Leeone cuffed him on the back of his head gently. “I’m 21. Not old.”

You shrugged. “The age is in your soul, Leone. You act about 65.”

He groaned. “Fine.”

You smiled up at him. “Now, Bruno said that the leak lived near Libecco, but was nearly always in the bar down the street.”

Leone nodded. “Sounds like fun.”

You grinned at him and set off to do your job.

[mysticthot]

RFA Highschool AU!

lol this was requested then i accidentally deleted the request my b, but here it is!

dude let me tell u i love highschool au’s thats some good shit right there!!

wasn’t sure if u wanted just general headcanons or specific ones for each charcacter or an x mc kinda thing so i did kinda a mix of all of that lol

So the rfa is basically like the student council

They plan dances and do fundraisers and what not

Everyone knows who they are, the rfa is like an elite little club that does everything for the school

And you’re a new kid

You had gotten directions for your next class from a teacher, but you’d gotten turned around a lost at some point

Class had already started, and there was nobody in the halls to ask other than some boy standing by the windows on his phone

Ignoring the fact that he was a bit intimidating and also supposed to be in class, you walked up to the pink haired boy to ask directions

His turquoise eyes did not look amused, but nevertheless, he pointed towards the door at the end of the hall

“It’s that one.”

“...Oh, ok uh thanks.”

He was gone with no response

Speed walking to the door, you mentally prepared yourself for the embarrassment of having to tell the teacher in front of the whole class you had gotten lost

But when you opened the door, only 5 people were in the room on the other side

Ok...this was definitely not the right class

After you talked to the group and figured out the confusion (turns out the brother of the red headed one had been messing with you) they offered to show you the right way

While you were in there you figured out with was the student council and you noticed some unanswered details for and upcoming dance

Before you left, you gave them a few suggestions for the dance that caught their attention

They invited you back for the end of the day meeting to discuss some more and before you knew it, you were the newest member of the rfa student council

Yoosung-

He’s a lil freshman

Cousin to last years student body president Rika, but her and V had graduated last year and had been the ones that encouraged him to join

He’s like the new kid who really wants to impress all his older friends

But at the same time, he’s already friends with some of the most popular kids in school so he’s definitely not a huge loser or anything (at least that’s what he tells himself)

He was hella excited when you showed up cause then he wasn’t the only one who didn’t know anything lol

You become besties before anything else

He shows you around and you have a lot of classes with him

Its a classic friends to lovers story

Its like one day you and him are just chillin like you always do, then suddenly, you’re seeing things differently

Things you did together all the time as friends now seems like it could be something more

And it was all because of Seven

Boi had all but forced Yoosung to ask you to dance, despite the fact that Yoosung was supposed to be helping Zen with the tickets, and while the dancing itself wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, Seven had decided that exact moment to put on a slow song

Now our boy Yoosung had always thought you were pretty

But you looked gorgeous in this moment

Despite the fact that his hands were on your waist, him holding you arms length away like you were middle schoolers, it was a very sweet moment

And the dynamic completely changed between you guys

He was nervous talking to you now??? Where did that come from???

And you?? Caught yourself checking him out?? The fuck?

You’re both confused and want to go back to the way things were before, but also you just wanna grab each other and make out in a closet somewhere

When you finally get together, you’re such a cute couple

Everyone already thought you were dating anyways, but now you held hands in the halls and it’s like everyone one in the school ships you guys

You weren’t the kind of couple that made out against the lockers between every class, just the kind that people could tell actually liked each other it was cute

You’re eachother first everything lol

You’re always helping each other with homework

And he teaches you how to play lolol

And you meet his mom, who absolutely loves you

Just so cute

Cute lil high school sweethearts type of couple

Zen

Drama student of fucking course

He’s a junior, and most people will agree, the prettiest person in the entire school

Half the school is crushing on him ngl

He went thru a phase his freshman and sophmore year where he was part of the bad crews in school, before he started acting

So he literally knows and is friends with like everyone in the school

Instantly flirty when you show up

Shows you around the school with his arm over your shoulder, and you have never gotten so many glares in your life

He’s so extra like this drama boi is explaining the school as though it were a movie

Pointing out who was who, and telling you all the gossip

Despite the warnings from Jaehee that a lot of girls would prolly actually kill to be in your possition, you continue to hang with Zen

And his flirting goes from playful to more real as you hang out more

Doesn’t take long for you guys to kiss and go on a few dates, but you havent made anything official yet, and it seems the whole school knows that and is on edge over it

Being around Zen is basically like being with Regina George from mean girls, like everyones talking about you and him, nothing is a secret

His ex’s (and a crazy girl who had a crush on him who everyone called echo girl) all hated you

And when he officially asked you out, it was like the whole school knew by the next day

But hey, what are you gonna do when you’re dating the school celebrity?

He loves when you come to his plays

His parents don’t support him doing drama, so often you and the other rfa members are the only ones there to cheer for him

Always getting that boi flowers

And he is your biggest fan in what ever you’re doing

Sports? He’s out there no matter what the weather cheering louder than all the parents

Choir? Helps you with your voice and sings duets with you. Always gives you standing ovations even if no one else is standing

Y’all are just so supportive of each other

A lot of people thought you and him wouldn’t last for long, but your prove them wrong by being a straight up power couple in that bitch

Jaehee

My girl hella smart

She’s also a junior, and in line to be the valedictorian when she graduates

Very academically focused, the rfa being the only club she really has time to participate in

She’s hesitant when you first show up

Home girl’s a stickler for the rules, and she wasn’t sure if it was technically allowed for you to be there??

But you help her out and take a lot of her work load off her hands just by being there

She’s so stressed all the time so when she gets to the meetings and find out you already did the thing she was worried about not having time to do??

Girl loves you

Takes you and her quite a long time to get past being gal pals

Cause she’s just so busy

Literally the last thing she has time to think about it getting a significant other, especially when she’s not even sure of her own sexuality

It was during a fundraiser that she really realized her feelings for you

You and her were handing out snacks to the people that donated while the rest of the group was busy else where when your (mom/dad/aunt/whoever) showed up

They immediately hugged Jaehee and started telling her about how you always talk about how much you admire and like being around her

And you’re blushing hella hard and pushing your guardian away from the table

The incident is not brought up for a while, but its all Jaehee can think about

She’s never been so distracted doing her homework before

Girls confused

Repeats the words “MC is just a friend” over and over

Then she’s just like...fuck it

She goes over to your house and knocks on your door and you answer and she kisses you before she has the chance to change her mind

Y’all are such a good couple

You help her balance her school life so she has more time for fun things

Encourage her to join the coffee club cause she had told you how she wanted to, but was too busy

You guys go on dates to see Zens plays and she’s just so happy

Girl never had someone like you before, and she just loves you so much

ugh let me save this girl

Jumin

Trust Fund Boi

He’s a senior and the richest kid in school

Everyone knows him cause him and his dad are literally famous

But he’s just... not interested

Basically the same lol he thinks all the highschool drama and rumors are a waste of time so he just doesn’t care

Other than the rfa, he doesn’t really have friends

Mostly cause he knows they all just want to use him for something

He’s the type of person that knows highschool is not really that important, he just does his work and goes home

(other than the rfa, which he joined cause v asked him to lol)

Honestly, he’s not really that interested when you show up

You have interesting ideas and can be useful to the council, but other than that he doesn’t really pay much mind to you

Until you basically latch yourself to him like a baby duck

Always following him around cause you have a lot of classes together and he’s the only one you know

You claim you’re hanging with him because you don’t like seeing him sitting alone in class, but he thinks its the other way around

Eventually he realizes he’s not upset just by your presence

You’ve become a tolerable person to be around (how romantic) and slowly but surely, he actually enjoys being with you

In some ways, he’s kinda like Zen cause everyone knows him and everyone’s talking about him

But rather than it coming from a place of admiration, they’re jealous and interested by the rich mysterious kid who only ever talks to you

You get a lot of girls trying to ask you for advice on how to get to his heart

You’re just like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It be like that

His feelings take forever to develop just cause he’s so out of touch with his emotions

But when they do, it just hits him like a train like boi’s just chilling in his house then suddenly...”I’m in love with MC”

Doesn’t even bother trying to hide his feelings

The next time you and him are alone, he confesses and kisses you and the rest is history

Y’all are such a power couple honestly

Ruling that school

He loves being around you

He met your parents, and you met his dad

You always help him when he gets angry or frustrated towards his dad’s new girlfriends

Always pay attention when he shows blurry pictures of his new kitten Elizabeth

He buys you such nice shit and your just like jumin no high schooler needs multiple diamond bracelets

And he’s just like, oh would you rather have necklaces?

707/ Saeyoung

Class clown oBVI

Known for his pranks and his jokes and getting kicked out of class and his weirdly quiet brother who’s never actually in class but is frequently seen around the school Saeran is bigfoot confirmed

He’s also hella smart

He’s in multiple foreign language classes and head of the tech club and really good at sports despite only ever eating chips and soda for lunch

He’s a sophomore and you’re a freshman, so he takes it upon himself to show you around

Acts like he’s a lot older than he is, and if you didn’t know he was a sophomore, you’d think he was a senior cause he knows everything and everyone knows him

He’s not shy about how he thinks you’re cute

He’ll hug you and kiss your cheeks and ask you to the dances despite the fact that you’ll both be working at them

But he never really goes much further than the playful flirting, so you think he’s just messing with you

But one week he’s missing from school, and despite the rfa saying this happens, often, you’re worried

You search out his brother, who is unbelievable hard to find, and eventually see him out on the bleachers

He does not look happy to have some girl who’s basically a stranger asking about his brother and his home life

Wont tell you anything so that just makes you more suspicious

Seven comes back the next day but he’s all cold and distant towards you

You’re triggered, but not having that shit

It takes a few days, but you’re able to get the truth out of him, and he had found out about how you’d been pestering Saeran about his home life and his absence

He warns you not to get involved with him, and does the whole thing where he says he never liked you in the first place and you don’t really like him and blah blah blah

You stopped listening halfway thru his rant

And then you kiss him

Boi is stunned, glasses askew

“Did you hear anything I just said MC??”

You tell you like him for him, and you would respect if he couldn’t talk about somethings, but you wanted to be part of his life

He slowly opens up to you bit by bit

It takes him a long long time for him to tell you about him mother and what’s going on at his home tho

You help him and Saeran get out of there as soon as they can, helping him with his job or with school work when he gets hella busy

You guys go fucking hard on spirit days, dressin up in matching costumes for homecoming

You guys definitely get cutest couple in the year book

And probably prom king and queen cause literally everyone loves you two

You’re the couple then even the teacher would see and just be like “yep they’re gonna be together forever”

lol guys so I’m in a hotel rn cause I flew down from my home to Boise to tour the college campus and I brought my lap top but not the charger so it’s really a race against time to hope and pray this Bitch posts before my laptop dies lmao

also my b if there’s any mistakes I had to speed edit hope u like it!!

[tfw-no-tennis]

hhhhhhxh

more abt hxh bc my last post was too long n i had to split it off holla

so i left off talking abt when gon woke up....i love how polite gon is to pretty much everyone - hes such a good lad all the time. s/o to his aunt for raising him right (tho i think hes also just a rlly good boy inherently too)

also is he named gon bc ging was like ha ha im boutta be GONe lol seeya kid!!!! like ????

i find it interesting that kurapika and hisoka fought....we really havent seen them interact at all yet. also hisoka is so smirk-y i hate that bitch...what did he say to kurapika?????? 

this poor red shirt old guy lmao hisoka is SO clearly uninterested in fighting him and then he fucking dies. rip mdude

what did hisoka whisper to HIM??? guess we’ll never know #RIPLegend

oh mannnn if killua had just won against pokkle then he wouldnt have had to deal with illumi doing That to him :( my smug son......

leorio is such a good dude....also its so funny to me how tall and lanky leorio is, espec compared to the other 3 main characters lmaoooo

or maybe those 3 are just rlly short??? i mean gon and killua are literally 12, but whats kurapikas excuse

GODDDD I HATE THIS BIIIIITCH. FUCK OFFFFFFF tho the evil piano music slaps. but jeeeeesus illumi is so creepy and awful, and seeing him take off his disguise is not any better a second time...he and hisoka truly deserve each other wrow

does illumi have hair powers??? cause it kinda looks like it. or maybe hes just gay and dramatic 

ok but the sick electric guitar riff (?) that played when illumis face was revealed was lowkey kinda hilarious

man i was so wrong abt killua knowing that that was illumi :( poor kid

killua is immediately freaking out and meanwhile illumi looks bored as hell. dude ur the worst 

killua: [freaking out] illumi, completely blank-faced: hey 

I HATE HIMMMM even tho his catman design is regrettably kinda cute

why do illumi and hisoka both have such snatched waists i hate this

wtf so killua has another different brother??? i assumed he attacked illumi....how many fuckgin zoldyk sibling are there?????

leorio ur too normie for this conversation lmao. also wow fucked up family huh

killua looks so like...small and helpless, which is so at odds from what we’ve seen of him so far :( this poor kid

illumi totally has some weird brain powers man callin it now 

gon: wow killuas family sounds wack...  satotz: oh lmao you havent even heard the rest 

KILLUA ;_; 

this poor baby assassin :( :( :(

IMMM INCONSOLABLE. HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS W/GON.......ARE YOU KIDDING....AUGHHHHHHHH

meanwhile gon decided he and killua are BEST FRIENDS like 10 mins after they met. GOD 

like in the recap ep he called killua his best friend ;_; and meanwhile killua doesnt even think they ARE friends god destroy me 

this calming classical music is throwing me off vbhjfjhbsdkgndks

i sense that leorio and kurapika are rapidly acquiring a new son

DAMN THIS IS SO FUUUUCKEDDDDD illumi is such a crusty bitch wow. leave killua alone asshole 

all that stuff abt killua like, only thinking he wants to befriend gon but really wanting to kill him....that sure sounds like some ‘worst fears’ type of shit for someone like killua....illumi is such a classic abuser wow

i have 2 know is satotz like, repeating this entire conversation verbatim in a calming monotone to gon rn. like....

LEORIOOOOO I LOVE UUUUUUUU AUGHHHH him telling killua it doesnt matter if illumi is his brother, fuck that guy, beat him up as usual and leave.....ooooughhhh leorio is such a good dude ;_; 

and the OF COURSE him saying the obvious - that gon and killua are ALREADY friends....i love this, i feel like leorio said all the exact things the audience is thinking...yet it still didnt get thru to killua bc hes so rattled by illumi appearing, and the abuse in general 

i think if gon were there things wouldve gone much differently 

of COURSE crusty bitch illumi is like oh ok now i have to kill gon.....biiiiitch i hate uuuuu 

also that just shows that hes lying to killua (which we already knew obvs), bc if it were inevitable that killua would kill gon to like, test himself or w/e, then why not just wait for that to happen? that would have a much bigger impact on killua than illumi killing gon....its obvious that illumi is just manipulating him, but killua is too BSOD to be able to tell (also, hes 12)

ok bitch illumi is preaching abt not needing friends but he and hisoka are definitely fucking and theyve been teamed up for the entire hunter exam it seems.....what a hypocrite. hate this guy

god im so glad we didnt rlly get to see whatever the fuck illumi did to that random hunter examiner guy’s face. jeeeeesus. also i cant tell but i wonder if him forcing that info out of the guy was the result of his freaky mind powers or if the guy was just like oof ouch pins in me face

LEORIO AND KURAPIKAAAA THE PROTECT GON SQUAD!! and joined by new member hanzo!!! who ironically beat gon up for 3 hours str8 like, a very short amount of time ago lmao. but still i love that sm

illumi u dumb bitch.....tho i dont buy for a minute that he didnt already realize that killing gon would disqualify him...he defs just wanted to get under killuas skin even more :^( 

KILLUAAAA ;_; when he goes to step back from illumi but illumi tells him not to....ughhh HATE this guy, leave this poor kid alone. no wonder he wanted to leave

illumi saying theres only 1 way that killua can stop him - does he mean by killing him, or something more specific, like some forbidden zoldyk murder technique? 

‘your beloved gon’ wow gay. theyre 12 and theyre dating ok. killua is literally that kid whos like wow i wonder if gon likes me...and meanwhile gon is like wow cant believe me and killua have been dating for 3 months now

leorio saying ‘we wont let him kill you or gon’ ;_; leorio ily sm...thats like the exact right thing to say - hes offering protection and reassurance as an adult figure...unfortunately killua is clearly too freaked out to even process anything outside of illumis gaslighting and abuse 

also illumi is defs doing something to killua w/his eyes via his freaky mind powers. js

illumi i hate you stop being weirdly cute. augh 

classic abuse tactics, being like ha ha nvm i wasnt gonna kill gon! jk!

killua just shutting down completely after that :( :( noooo

and then he kills that old guy and leaves, ‘proving’ that illumi is right....noooooOOOO

and now we boutta see gon go FULL shounen protag for the first time, oh FUCKKKKKK yesssss

this is the first time we’ve seen gon angry oooh man and of COURSE its on killuas behalf,....im so fuckign emo already looooord

god ok the episode preview where its gon saying ‘do leorio and i look alike?’ YES U DO LOL youre father and son so jot that down 

oof, gon and illumi have such fundamentally different POVs on like, family and life and morals, and you can tell by their 4-line exchange before gon does the ICONIC one-handed grab’n’fling

AUGHHHH gon saying hes gonna rescue killua....SO good...he recognizes that killuas family is wack as hell and killua shouldnt be w/them - the classic ingrained ‘found family is more important than blood family’ stuff

tho thats an interesting contrast to gon himself, whos looking for his deadbeat dad

‘but it wasnt his choice’ that so good ily gon BEST boy, hes so perceptive and good......he knows that killuas hand was forced and that he needs to be RESCUED (love that word choice) from his shitty abusive family

of course kurapika and leorio voiced complaints ;_; best parents 

kurapika should be a lawyer tbh 

leorioooo ;_; such a good dude, saying he should be disqualified instead 

HOW is leorio a stronger combatant than that old dude hvbajufjbsja that guy had some moves it seemed, and leorio has,....a knife? a briefcase? the classic premed attitude of ‘fuck it, i could die anytime, lets do this’? like.....cmon vhabjdfjbhsf i refuse to believe this man is of any use in a fight. ill believe it when i see it

pokkle pls ur not plot-important enough to be jumping into this convo rn

tho i am curious abt what hisoka said to kurapika. tho i agree that thats irrelevant to the discussion 

gon repeating satotz’s wisdom :’) and saying that killua will definitely pass if he takes the exam again...ough

gon is SO GOOD i cant get over it !!!!!!!!! AUGHHHH....recusing killua from his abusive family and making it so killua never has to see them again is like...so good. what a good good perfect boy.

also thats like, the perfect response to this. killing illumi would just start a ton of drama, and killua would be conflicted abt that....but removing killua from his situation is perfect 

ok ive ranted a lot ill talk abt the rest later woohoo

PREDICTIONS: 

i predict that hisoka will show up in this upcoming zoldyk arc somewhere bc illumis gonna be in it (i assume) and theyre dating. also hisoka is a central character so itd make sense for him to show up in the second major arc. tho tbh this could end up being completely false and i wouldnt be that shocked lmao

i think leorio is gonna get Big Sad someday bc hes like, so normal compared to the other MCs, and also hes suuuuch a bleeding heart (i love him....) so i feel like thats gonna lead to some sadness for him once his friends start doing crazy shit or w/e 

also i predict that if he gets nen itll be like healing nen or st. does that even exist??? idk jack shit abt nen lmao 

i think that illumi has hypnosis powers or something, even just based on design alone. it could defs be for aesthetic (character design in hxh is wild), but his eyes look noticeably different from any other characters. also he was doing some freaky shit to killua. also i held this prediction before seeing the part where this is brought up so we’ll see if its right lmao 

as for this upcoming arc -  ruth and i are wondering if itll be similar to the vinsmoke drama in one piece - character goes back to abusive family, squad goes to rescue them...and then character refuses to be recused. w/sanji it was partially bc the vinsmokes threatened to kill zeff, his TRUE dad, but i predict in this case it could be more like the zoldyks saying ‘look killua these 3 weirdos showed up looking for you, convince them to leave or we’ll kill them’ and killua will be like, oh shit bc like.....think abt it. the vinsmokes targeted zeff (and not the strawhats) bc they knew they could easily kill him. same goes here, i assume - a family of trained assassins vs Good Good Fishing Rod Smell-Power Boy (who hasnt thrown a single punch yet), Lanky Dr Man With A Switchblade We Havent Seen Him Use Onscreen, and Mx 2 Wooden Sticks, Bloodlust, and Arachnophobia - 3 For 1 Deal! its a no-contest. so thats one thing i could see happening, potentially 

im way too tired to remember my other predictions rip lmao

[ssironstrange]

endgame rant

SPOILERS AHEAD PLEASE AVOID IF YOU HAVENT SEEN IT YET

yeah i know i said i wouldn’t post spoiler shit but listen i gotta get this off my chest ok

i have some REAL BIG FUCKING ISSUES with the way the russos handled a lot of plotlines. don’t get me wrong, this movie was amazing and epic and fucking award worthy, but as a fan i’ve taken offense to a Lot of things.

clint

nothing about his ronin story makes a lick of fucking sense in the mcu. his family is dusted so he…… goes on a mass murdering spree??? decides that he should get a haircut and spend the next five years getting an edgy tattoo sleeve??? um. okay then. destroy the past like 10 years of his character having one of the best moral compasses of the entire team. why did he take up using a fucking SWORD in present day? do you know how long it takes to master swordsmanship at the level he was? with at least half of the world’s teachers gone? more than five fucking years thats for damn sure. and between him and natasha dying for the soul stone? it should have been him. i know he had a family and all but listen. nat went through physical and psychological torture. her body was modified against her will. she was brainwashed and used. and finally, FINALLY she gets free of it all, finds a family in the avengers, and continues to try and better herself to make up for things that weren’t even her fault to begin with. and clint? what did he suffer? oh thats right. nothing. he’s just damn good at his job and loves his family. the fact he has a family sucks for sacrifice, but they are well taken care of and every single one of his kids are old enough to understand AND nat would have stepped in immediately as a parental figure to help laura. they fucking fridged nat for clint and i will never forgive that.

thor

here we go. thor’s character legit made me uncomfortable. they went way overboard with the new thor personality. but… fatshaming and making fun of his very real depression and ptsd?? wtf russos. like, haha he let himself go so funny but its NOT. he wasn’t even like…. fat, for one. just a normal dadbod and beer belly. which by the way seems a lot more realistic according to most norse myths of the gods. they were warriors, yeah, but they drank a fucking lot and feasted a fucking lot so. anyway. thor has lost his entire family. not only that but he watched them all die. he saw his mother bleed out. he watched his father disperse into nothingness. he watched the brother he has loved and cherished no matter the amount of times of betrayal and misdeeds get his neck snapped and his lifeless body thrown to the ground. and then the sister he never knew he had killing almost all of your people and then being forced to find a way to kill her. can you imagine trying to cope with that??? and when you put his age into our perspective, he’s only in his 20s. so imagine seeing your whole family die before you’re even 25, then taking on the responsibility of ruling your people. said surviving people are then massacred in front of you with only a few dozen escaping. THEN living with the guilt of blowing your chance to kill the man responsible for that and unable to stop him from decimating half the universe. (and even when he does get revenge on him, it’s too late) tell me you wouldn’t have an atomic level meltdown. thor is suffering so much and all they can do is make fun of him for it and shame him for it. he deserved better.

steve

yall know i don’t like steve. i don’t hate him and i’m not anti-steve, i’ve just never enjoyed his rather inconsistent character and self-righteousness. it felt like we were FINALLY getting a steve i could get behind in this. a steve that swears like he should. a steve who still puts on a brave face for the public but behind closed doors with friends he’s miserable and broken like the rest of them and SHOWS it to them. a steve who realizes he is stuck in the past and just can’t seem to move forward. a steve who i can finally see the culmination of EVERYTHING he’s been through resting on his shoulders and eating him alive inside. finally we were getting a properly layered steve rogers. and then tony came back and that all fell apart. we didn’t get the apology steve owed him (and tbh tony owed him one too but we’ll get to that), we didn’t get a remorseful steve. he didn’t even address the goddamn issue. he went straight back to his bullshit. admittedly he was a better listener this time around and a far better team player overall. it wasn’t a total loss. but. BUT. his ending? no. hell fucking no. i’m happy he and peggy got their life, but it still shouldn’t have happened. how fucking selfish. how fucking backwards of his character. i get he didn’t have a choice in being brought back into the present and that is unfair and sucks for him, but what fucking right did he have to mess with a timeline like that? what right did he have to just decide without telling anyone he was done and giving up? why did he get the fucking happy ending???? steve rogers who looked tony in the eyes and said he wasn’t the kind of man to lay on the wire for someone copped out. steve rogers who knows of all the social progress we’ve made decides to go back to a time where he would be forced to accept segregation and extreme gender inequality and rampant, blatant, gross racism of all sorts oh and more war and alkjdalksdhkas NO plus they broke their own time travel rules so like whatever i guess right?? it’s okay if steeb gets his stupid happy ending right? god is it SO MUCH TO ASK FOR JUST ONCE TO HAVE A GOOD CHARACTERIZATION OFCAP???? it’s not your fault cevans honey you’re doing amazing your directors just have no fucking idea 

tony

frankly this has been amongst rdj’s best performances of tony. i’m still partial to a lot of his acting in the iron man movies BUT this was FANTASTIC. him finally being allowed to absolutely go off on steve was fucking delicious and everything i was waiting for. let it all out tony baby. buuuuut we should have also had something more. i know my fellow tony stans typically don’t believe it but tony was wrong in civil war too. surprise they both fucking were. ANYWAY. i was waiting for an honest apology between them both. after everything they just went through, NONE of the petty bullshit they went through before matters at all. and yet the closest thing we get is tony just being like “turns out i don’t like to hold grudges” or what the fuck ever. why is it so hard just to make one of them say i’m sorry, the other say i’m sorry, admit it was a bunch of BULLSHIT hug it out and then go forward???? ugh. their choice to make tony suddenly care about his dad and be happy to see him???? disgusting. they made it canon that howard was an abuser, neglectful, cold, and hateful. it’s been a BIG DEAL how tony has struggled with the relationship to his dad because of how shitty the man was to him. and then they do tHAT? fuuuuCK that!!!! i’m not saying tony isn’t allowed to forgive howard. thats fine and expected tbh. but they pushed it way too far. the tony stark we’ve known for the last decade would never get all giddy and happy to see him and hug him and fucking thank him??? what the fuckk?? god that was gross. you know what we should have gotten? what tony deserved more than howard fucking stark? MARIA STARK!! and then, of course, my main issue. they fucking killed him. which only tells us, the audience and fans that no matter what you suffer and sacrifice that your only way to redemption is death. jesus fucking christ i am SO angry over this. they killed the two who suffered the fucking most. the two who every single goddamn day worked on being a better person. nat and tony both deserved so much better than waht they got. how the fuck did it make sense to kill tony who now has a fucking CHILD, who still has a future, who FINALLY FOR ONCE IN HIS FUCKING LIFE FOUND A SHRED OF PEACE????? and then let steve just go selfishly galavant through time as he pleases to have the cute happy ending? FUCK that ending. fuck it right up the ass with a huge unlubed cock. steve should have been the one to use the gauntlet. period. he should have been the one to die like that. i would have still fucking cried but you know what?? that would be the most cap thing ever. i wanted a mirror of pre-serum steve jumping on that grenade, but this time grabbing the gauntlet and not hesitating for a split second to snap. but no. they killed tony who left behind a wife who DESERVED MORE THAN HAVING THE MAN SHES LOVED AND SUPPORTED AND MARRIED AND HAS A CHILD WITH RIPPED AWAY FROM HER!!! tony who left behind a daughter too young to really comprehend yet why her daddy isn’t going to be coming back. fuck you russos. the injustice of it is astounding. i’m never going to get over it. you know how they could have killed tony? if they really felt like they needed to? have him grow old and die naturally of old age with pepper in their cute little lakeside house after watching morgan grow into such a strong and brilliant person. but oh. they gave that to steve. right.

stephen

i’ll never complain about having more stephen content but uhhhh i’m gonna complain that we didn’t get more than what we got cause after sitting in the soulworld for five fucking years you canNOT tell me he didn’t get even stronger with time to practice and meditate and work through every iota of information of mystical shit in his head. and yet they sidelined him??? after we’ve SEEN what he’s capable of in IW? just gonna put him on flood control???? something that any of those goddamn sorcerers could have done while he helps wipe the floor with thanos or any of the thousands of enemies? fuuuuuuuuuck that. can you fucking imagine how quickly thanos would have been taken out if it were wanda, carol, and stephen all three against him? jesus. he’s literally amongst the most powerful people but nah, just have him stand over there.

the gay russo

FUCK you for that. i am LIVID about it. yall can’t fucking make valkyrie bi???? or carol????? yall can’t GET AN ACTUAL GAY ACTOR? “ We felt it was important that one of us play him, to ensure the integrity and show it is so important to the filmmakers that one of us is representing that. “ WHAT????????? are you fucking telling me a WOC WHO IS OUT AS BISEXUAL AND WANTS HER CHARACTER TO BE BISEXUAL COULDNT ENSURE THE INTEGRITY OF AN LGBT CHARACTER???????????????? “ It is a perfect time, because one of the things that is compelling about the Marvel Universe moving forward is its focus on diversity.”  SEE PREVIOUS COMMENT????? oh my god fuck them forever.

lets make rules for our time travel then break them immediately

idek whats going on in the timeline anymore. they utterly fucked up and BROKE the timeline of 2012 avengers after letting loki get away with the tesseract. which should have cascaded into their future but, well, it didn’t. so i GUESS now we’re just pretending that made a new timeline which makes no goddamn sense but whatever i guess. steve going back to completely fuck with his timeline, or a timeline at least, and having no consequences in the future besides being old. okay. sure??? we can do all that but we can’t fucking get natasha back. right. cool. okay.

anyway i’m sure theres more bugging me but these are the things bothering me most.

and frankly i don’t care if anyone disagrees i’m not arguing or debating any of this. 

[butchwherewolf]

TELL ME ABOUT YOUR WARCRAFT OCS

,KJALHDSFKLJSADF OKAY! there’s a few of them but i’ll just like, talk about the few i’ve solidly like composed some ideas and concepts for. I’ve put it all below this like, read me because it’s kindaaaa long.

The first is my horde boy, Xanasthor, he’s a blood elf death knight so technically just horde by extension. True to like DK lore, he doesn’t remember his past nor does he want to. He’s a dumbass who like, just kinda fell into following Arthas after being raised from the dead(as, again, all DK’s do in the beginnning) but after being betrayed by the LK, he was just like ‘uhhhh what the fuck’ and fell back into joining the horde. Howsoever, he does not align with the horde as a whole, he regards Sylvanas with the highest regard both as warchief(also due to her being the key factor in allowing DK into the horde), and as a former blood elf. It’s easy to jump to a certain type of kinship when you’re both the same race, both were killed and essentially brought back to serve one little blonde bitch in undeath and then go absolutely feral when you break free of his control. So, yeah, he’s loyal to her, regardless of what she’s done in BFA and whatnot, and if it comes down to it, he’d follow her over the horde. In addition to all that, he’s just like, always comes off as laid back and, honestly, a bit stupid, but it’s more of just not feeling like whoever he’s talking to is actually worth his full attention and regard. He sees no reason in giving some joe schmoe his actual attention when he himself knows he’s leagues above. Other than that, I haven’t precisely nailed down his lore, moreso because I don’t know where I would want to take him as a character yknow? but that’s p much it for that clown

My other horde boy is a new one, a Forsaken warlock, i’ve barely started with him, as well as a rouge orc. They’re kinda just new character’s i’m feeling around for to just see where i wanna take them. I love the horde only for like, pure nostalgia reasons because i enjoyed playing them in Warcraft 3, but otherwise I surprisingly don’t have like, a lot of horde characters atm?? which leads into the next group of clowns.

First up is my utter chad, Kayssanth, she’s a night elf warrior. She takes no shit, she’s seen some shit, she’s ready to beat some shit. Her lore is kinda tangled with a character I’ll get to later, but for now, I’ll talk about her. She’s kinda just a no nonsense woman, she does not back down from challenges, and she supports the night elves with her entire being. But, she does see where that overwhelming rage and thirst for revenge drives people mad, and while she wants to support the quest for revenge against the horde(cause of the BFA stuff), she can’t bring herself to do such. There’s been a lot of things she’s seen in her life, and going through them, while it definitely hardened her, made her almost hunger for just a quiet fucking life for once. She had to witness her love being killed, then come back in a form that’s familiar yet not, she has to watch this war rage through the world and see so many people die, and after awhile, that shit gets old, so she’s supporting the Alliance if they’re looking for peace, because that’s just what she wants and needs at this point, yknow? Otherwise, she has a good bit of humor, and in the moments when she doesn’t have to be taken seriously, she enjoys lounging around, having fun with comrades in inns/taverns, letting go of pretenses and just relaxing before needing to be serious again. She enjoys studying botany, as much as that sounds on par for her race, but she has a knack for it. She also enjoys being able to bench press her bf as a way to show off to people(moreso just for joking and breaking tensions when people initially see her bf). Again, that’s really all I have atm for her, and i always do want to like, write more, but, yknow, havent actually written anything yet lmao. 

Next, we got my best girl, Aoirenn, a dwarf paladin. She’s an absolute badass but off of the battlefield she’s seen making things like whittled animals, sculptures, tinkering with small bits of metal she can find, etc. so she can ship them to her wife when she’s off questing/fighting for the alliance. She’s rather quiet, aligned with the Alliance because 1)her wife is a human and yknow, that’s important for both of them, and 2) she grew up with a family that was composed of alliance soldiers, so it’s natural for her. However, with recent events, she’s not so sure she wants to follow the Alliance 100%, and would rather just not have an active hand in war anymore. She’s been away from home for far too long and she desperately wants to return to her wife and child in one piece, and is doing anything and everything she can to do just that. She’s a quiet soul, more of a family-focused person, as i’ve said. otherwise, again, same case as above. 

Last is my dumbass worgen DK, Wilheras. He’s Kayssanth’s lover. He lived long enough through Gilneas’ shitstorm, became a worgen, and met Kay through the Alliance, the two just happened to be recruited for the same mission/quest/whatever in Darnassus, and their budding friendship grew overtime from being in the same faction and oftentimes the same cities as the other. This then grew into a romance and it was great for them both, especially at a time where there wasn’t such fear of death and destruction as there would be in the years to come. It was easy to escape to Stormwind to stay at an inn together, or have a quiet evening in Darnassus, etc. But the solace and joy would soon crumble when one day, through a horrible fight, Wilheras was killed. And rather brutally at that. While Kay wasn’t present for this, it still hit her hard, and as a result threw herself into her duties more. When the litch king came, Wilheras was one of the few unlucky ones to come back as a DK, with his instincts broken and filled with the will of the litch king himself. He was an entirely other person when raised from the dead, yet a part of him remained deep within, something that continued to fight and conquer his mind when he was finally free of the LK’s command. After being welcomed into the Alliance, the first thing he did was search for Kay, and upon seeing her, in his undead form, was a rather unpleasant reunion. But, with a few words exclaimed in like, shock, the two finally made amends and Kay realized what had happened. It took some time, but their relationship as friends slowly was formed again, and eventually the romance. Wilheras found himself also finding himself going back into fighting for the Alliance, supporting fellow DKs who join who may not have such an easy transition into this new life. He also finds himself trying to create new brews of alcohol using his undeath as a barrier between possibly deadly batches and something that the living can drink. Otherwise, yeah, he’s just a lovestruck dumbass that’s yknow, a huge werewolf boy who supports his gf 100%

um but yeah! those are my characters! i have a few that like, I havent played as much with few characters that i havent mentioned yet, but those are the 4 main people that i play with and know of yknow? anyway yeah! sorry for such a long post!

[angrylizardjacket]

ask your destiny to dance [16] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“I can’t speak to her.” Roger’s got his head on a bar in a pub that’s not Ash’s.

“Can I go back to pretending I don’t know what was going on?” Brian asks, taking a long sip of his drink and gazing out at the crowd. It’s been over a week since Ash had stayed over, and they hadn’t seen her since. It’s not like she’d even asked about him, or made a move to contact him; sometimes they go a full fortnight before seeing one another, but Roger’s been fretting for almost eight days internally, and for the past twenty minutes externally, since he’d finished his first drink.

“She said she loves me.” Roger groaned, lifting his head to weakly order another pint. 

“From what you’ve told me, she wasn’t even fully conscious; it’s not like it counts.” Brian had never seen Roger downright distressed like this, it would be funny if it wasn’t bordering on annoying.

“No, that means she was extra honest,” Roger groaned, downing half his beer in on go, to which Brian could only roll his eyes.

“Or she was still asleep and thought you were Jack Nicholson.” After a beat, Brian goes back to watching Roger brood over his glass. “Boo hoo, Rog,” he shoved the blonde lightly, to which Roger just leveled a glare at him, “a girl you’ve been seeing for months maybe has feelings for you. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.”

“It’s only been since I broke up with Kristin,” he’s adamant about that and Brian lets him have it, for now. In retrospect, he feels like an idiot for not seeing it sooner; Brian’s not sure when it started, but it’s definitely a lot longer than Roger’s willing to admit. “And it doesn’t mean nothing, but it also... it’s never meant something. Like it’s something but it’s not something. It’s just fucking around and having fun.” And Roger swivels on the bar stool, joining Brian in looking out over the crowd, before they spot Freddie crashing through the door, making a beeline for them once he’d spotted them.

“Alright, what did I miss?” Freddie asked, though the other two were quiet as he ordered a beer. Before either could get a word in edgewise, Freddie props his chin on his hand on the bar, and announces; “Roger you look like shit, what’s wrong?”

“I’m pretty sure he’s in love with Ash, and he thinks she’s in love with him.” Brian says blithely, and Freddie nods with understanding as Roger tells them to both sod off, and he stalks through to join the crowd on the dance floor. “She said she loved him in her sleep.” Brian explains, taking the chair Roger just freed, sliding into place beside Freddie.

“I’ve never seen him this worked up about someone before.” Freddie admitted, and Brian nodded in agreement, the two of them barely able to see his blonde hair for the crowd, and they lost sight of him soon enough.

“What do you think? Has Ash said anything?” Brian’s gaze slides to Freddie’s who just rolls his eyes.

“I think my dear Ash has never in her life loved a man who’s deserved it,” Freddie mused, though his lips twisted into a smirk, “that’s not to say she’s a saint, far from it, but compared to the others, Roger is a breath of fresh air.” 

“Isn’t that a sad thought.” Brian said faintly, before heaving a sigh. “Well, I know we haven’t been here long,” he got to his feet, finishing off his drink and looking around for his housemate, “but if I don’t drag him home he’s going to do something stupid in his current state.”

“Like that pretty, brunette thing over there?” Freddie asks, pointing to where Roger’s already got his lips on a wavy-haired brunette at the side of the room. Freddie’s pretty sure he sees Brian’s soul leave his body for a moment, and watches everything play out like a terrible Shakespearean comedy for which he was the only audience member.

“He’s a danger to himself.” Brian takes Freddie’s drink from his hands and takes a long gulp before passing it back, though Freddie doesn’t seem likely to complain.

“He seems rather fine,” Freddie watches Roger go in for a hickey on the girl with a morbid, voyeuristic interest, taking another sip of his drink, “and you know he and Ash aren’t technically exclusive.” 

“Yeah but there’s three options here; Ash finds out and gets pissed and I have to hear about it because apparently now that I know I’m all in on this disaster,” Brian lists on his fingers with a theatricality Freddie had rarely seen from him before, though he’d rarely seen Brian this exasperated before, so perhaps it was merely that, “two, Ash isn’t pissed, sleeps with someone else, and Roger gets pissed because he’s in love with her-”

“Which is unfair, what a tremendous double standard.”

“Yes, we all know Roger’s a hypocrite.” Brian sighed, casting a glance over his shoulder at Roger, before turning back to Freddie.

“And three?” The other man prompted, and Brian picked up his empty pint glass.

“I kill him with this glass because I’m sick of his sulking.” He says bluntly, and Freddie’s all for the third option, but he begrudgingly helps pull Roger away, to which the drummer complains the whole time.

“Where are we going?” Roger demands to know when they head in the opposite direction of his apartment, a sentiment that Brian mirrors, though he doesn’t seem inclined to question Freddie’s direction outright. Freddie always had a plan. The man in question wrapped an arm around Roger’s shoulders.

“You’re going to confront your problems, Rog.” He sounds so decisive, as if it wasn’t a plan he’d come up with as they were leaving the bar, and Roger tries to scramble his way out of it, but Brian’s fed up enough with Roger’s complete inability to do anything but run from his problems that he’s willing to take Roger’s arm in an almost iron grip.

“It’ll do both of us a world of good.” Brian tells him as Roger glowers at his housemate.

“You don’t get to decide what’s good for me; what’s good for me was that girl at the bar, she smelled nice and was about three minutes away from banging me in that bathroom.” Roger snarled, wrenching himself out of their grips, though he didn’t run this time, crossing his arms over his chest as he walked with them.

“Rog, we’re not gonna let you ruin a good-” But Brian’s gentle sigh was cut off by more of the blonde blustering.

“That’s so presumptuous!” He stopped in his tracks, scowling between both of his band-mates. “You’re both wankers, selfish fucking wankers. This is kidnapping.” He snaps.

“Fine; if you want to leave, we’re not stopping you.” Freddie offers, gesturing freely at the path behind them. “We’re just trying to help.” 

Roger stomped the entire walk to Ash’s apartment. 

“What the fuck, guys.” She opens the door with her hair in a messy bun, wearing a pair of sweat pants and a ratty, oversized Beatles shirt. “How did you get in?” 

“Your RA let us in; sorry for the interruption, just had to deliver this idiot.” Brian gave Roger’s shoulder a nudge. Roger is looking at anything but Ash. His latest drink had hit him about the same time as he got to her block, and now that he can smell the vanilla candle she likes to burn in her room just beyond her, he just wants to curl up and go to sleep under her duvet. Or fuck her. He’s not quite sure.

“Can I return to sender?” She asks without hesitation, and Roger rolls his eyes. Freddie shoves him forward.

“No.” 

Ash doesn’t move, just frowns as Roger stumbles into her space, and she’s automatically got a hand on his chest to steady him. Roger doesn’t seem like he’s there completely of his own free will, but he doesn’t move away from her, even as both Brian and Freddie leave, muttering something about him being ‘her problem now’.

“Care to explain?” She asked, gently walking him backwards and closing her door behind herself. The two of them make their way to the common area, and Roger sits up on the kitchen counter as Ash pours him a glass of water.

“Not really.” He said, sipping the water loudly and swinging his legs so his heels kick the cupboards below. Ash looks like the very sight of him exhausts her, but she rests her hands on her thighs, pressing herself against his legs to still them. “We can fuck whoever we want, Ash.” He says, seriously, and he sees the exact moment she realised the reason for his forced meeting, and he watched her expression fall.

“Yeah of course.” She agrees, crestfallen expression turning quickly to faux apathy. “Did you have fun?” But her heart wasn’t in it.

“They pulled me away, brought me here before anything really happened.” He huffed, taking another long sip. Ash stepped away, yawning loudly and sinking into a chair at the dining table. After a beat, Roger hums thoughtfully. “Ash, what do I mean to you?” And it’s so nonchalant it actually hurts Ash a little.

“I think that’s a really shitty thing to ask right now.” Her answer is automatic, she can’t look at him. “And I think you’re drunk.” 

“Ash...” It does register in his mind that he’s said the wrong thing, and it breaks his heart to see her too tired to repress her emotions like she usually would in this situation. Perhaps she assumes he won’t even remember this tomorrow. “Ash, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Yeah, I know.” She says softly. “You’re always sorry, and I’m always sorry, and there’s always someone else that feels like a mistake, even though we don’t technically need to apologise.” Shaking her head, she sighs deeply. “This isn’t the time for this conversation.” She admits, and standing, she takes his hand. “Come to bed, Rog.” 

When they’re back in her room, she pulls off her sweat pants and offers them to him without even thinking about it, and he’s quiet, forlorn when he takes them, changing into the borrowed pyjamas. Ash is already tucked into bed when he turns back, back to him, pressed as close to the wall as she can get with her head pillowed on her hand, not even attempting to co-opt some of the pillow for herself. There’s sewing equipment out, obviously still in use in the corner of her room, a blouse half sewn and still in the machine where it was left when it’s creation had been interrupted by a knock at the door.

When he slides into bed beside her, reaches out to rest a hand on her shoulder - an apology? a reassurance? just a need for human contact? - she shrugs him off, murmurs a quiet ‘don’t’. 

“I panicked.” They’re back to back, and the bedside lamp has been turned off. Roger isn’t even sure if Ash is still awake. He speaks into the silence, made honest by the hour and his inebriation. “You told me you loved me and I panicked.”

“Roger... I never said that.” Ash’s voice was confused in the darkness, and Roger feels like his whole world has fallen out from under him. He’s spent over a week considering whether or not she’d remember; if it had been real, whether she’d really meant it, but he’s never quite sure which answer would hurt more.

“You... were mostly asleep.” He admits, and he can feel the way Ash sighs heavily, the shift of her back against his as she tries not to hear it.

“Wow, imagine what kinky shit you and the girl from the bar would have gotten up to if I’d meant it.” She just sounds tired, as though she was trying to end the conversation, as though she hadn’t just shattered Roger’s heart. After a beat, she laughed humorlessly. “What are we doing, Roger?”

“I think Brian’s right.” And his words are enough to startle a weak laugh from Ash. “I want this to be about more than sex, I think.”

“You’re drunk and panicking; don’t worry, I’ll still work with the band if this goes south.” Ash says. Roger won’t take that, can’t let himself fall into the trap of panicking like he’d already fallen into that night. Turning, Roger presses his lips to the back of her neck, and Ash doesn’t like to think about how good it makes her feel.

“I’m sorry-” He tries, but she cuts him off.

“I heard you the first time.” Voice terse, she crosses her arms awkwardly over her chest. “Roger the idea of being with you fucking terrifies me.” She admits, raw and honest, glad he can’t see how conflicted she was. “You were so worried that I was in love with you that you almost slept with someone else, and for what? Were you worried you were losing control of your life? Didn’t want to be tied down?” Roger’s got an arm on her shoulder, rubbing comfortingly as she speaks, and he can feel her shaking.

“I know I’m not a saint, okay, love?” Roger admits, and Ash takes a long moment to consider his words, leaning back a little into his touch, before answering.

“Neither of us are, Roger, and that’s why what we have is so good right now.” Her voice has softened, and Roger stays quiet. “We can talk about it tomorrow.” She says gently, before reaching to link her fingers with his where he’s got his hand on her shoulder. She pulls him closer, and Roger makes a low hum, pressing a quick kiss to her shoulder.

When the morning comes, things are quiet and golden. Neither one knows what to say to the other, but Ash still gets him a cup of tea in the morning, and when he sees the cup with the little cat face on it, Roger feels something tighten in his chest. 

“Let’s try this, please.” He asks, expression sincere when he looks at where Ash is tucking herself back into bed, pressing herself against his side. The look she gives him is confused, and then it blooms into something hopeful. “I’m not fucking around here, I mean it.”

When she kisses him, her hand is warm where it had been holding her teacup, and she’s smiling against her lips. There’s a tension in her shoulders, and he can’t stop playing her words back over again in his head, ‘the idea of being with you fucking terrifies me’ and it’s clear that feeling hasn’t vanished over night.

But she’s willing to try.

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[01010010-posts]

— my white sighs quietly melted with the stars above.

it all started with a simple ‘you’re a slowpoke??’ text and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply immediately after. ‘I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong person’. absolutely no, you scoffed, as if you were going to be tricked again ‘bitch don’t play the wrong number card because you didn’t catch the bus’. he was amused by your obstinacy and lightly worried about the supposed receiver, who, it appeared, was very clumsy; ‘please, control the number you texted, I’m Connor.’ boy he sure was. not your pal, not someone else in your contact list, just.... Connor. ‘god, i apologize!! thank you for telling me! ps. didn’t mean to call you a bitch, connor’ and it should have ended there, really, but you got a reply. connor: shouldn’t you be in bed by now? you: but,,,, i wanted to chat with u a little more connor: as an android sleep is not required but you, as a human, need to rest. we can always continue talking tomorrow. you: :( what if you have a long case tomorrow?? mh?? what if?? what you’re gonna say in your defense then?? connor: don’t worry :) I’ll find time for you. you: ok you win goodnight ☆ connor: sweet dreams. goodnight, [name]. it’s been three months since you’ve first spoken with him. intimacy there but low, how obvious it is that the two of you are proceeding with caution. yet you can’t help but write to him every day, staying up late while waiting for an answer of his, often checking your mobile and getting unsettled when there’s no signal. it’s strange, your colleagues whisper, how can you be so attached to someone if you’ve never even seen him? of course, you know it. you don’t wish for a pretty face, you only wish for a pretty personality. with a heavy sigh and a loud poof you pull the white duvet up to your head, finding comfort by completely hiding inside the warm embrace. you tightly hug a pillow, pretending that it’s him, returning your affection and cuddling, maybe caressing you too inasmuch, as he said, ‘androids don’t need to sleep’. but is it bad to fantasise? you: I’m deeply sorry.... sweetheart: >:( you: [name], it’s the seventh text-made emoji you’ve sent me.... they expressed some sort of anger so I’d prefer if we discussed about whatever is bothering you. sweetheart: >:(( you: I’m begging you.... sweetheart: you’re grounded and your punishment is enduring the wrath of weird angery text-based emoji :< you: what did I do to deserve this? :’( sweetheart: i sent you a heart & you didn’t send it back to me you: gosh! how clumsy of me! could you ever forgive this fool? sweetheart: mhhh it depends. what are you willing to do to be pardoned? you: I’ll send you whatever heart I possess! 💕💖💗💖 sweetheart: THIS IS UNFAIR!!! he’s silently giggling all by himself, in the cold room lit by his blue led circling at a steady rhythm– no, it’s not the temperature, rather it’s the atmosphere; ‘cold’. he’s still grappling with emotions and developing tastes is– well, to put it simply, complicated. he’s heartened with the fact that you once said, at the sight of a photo of his bed and the corner within, that being minimalistic is a style too. though, possibly, his true self is one of a clutterer of knick-knacks. of course, he’d like you to help him pick what ornaments would suit him the best. you: wtf i dont believe it connor♡ : but it does! you: prove it MIKU HATSUNE connor♡ : listen here human it’s not my fault you haven’t got the chance to witness an android external fluid deactivating you: !!!!! are you bragging?? connor♡ : ahahaha I’m joking it’s sending a video right now you watch ecstatically as soon as the app downloads the file, your chest throbbing with pleasurable anxiety. how can it be? he’s kind, precious AND fucking handsome, skin or no skin. you bet bad things will happen to you today to balance this sheer luck. think it thoroughly, it’s actually the first time you see his face. you: u’r cute also how does your hair work man connor♡ : thank you :) it’s connected to my head so.... you: i get it cybernetic magic your secrets are safe with me connor♡ : ahahaha and I was concerning myself about disgusting you you: WHAT fuck no you’re done that way, ok, it’s cool ok? kept it in mind are you allowed to insert ♡ near his name and not tell him? you: I’m waiting!! :/ sweetheart: so needy you: come on, [name]! sweetheart: tru tho you: >audio file cooome ooooonn sweetheart: !!! im ready pick up idiot the monitor lits and here you are, gorgeous. he’s certain that his heart melted on the spot. such is the sensation you give him every time you send him a photo, his thirium pump skipping a beat and making him inevitably somewhat gasping for air, mouth barely closed. he’s not accustomed to all the new features deviancy brought but in this he’s confident, he’s head over heels in love with you. you: what?? you’ve already seen the movie?? love♡ : yeah! I went with Hank! it was very nice, you should see it too you: WELL id kill to (please don’t arrest me detective) but nobody wants,,,, love♡ : why is that? (I won’t arrest you if you behave) you: something along the lines of not their genre or some shit uff (seems sketchy) love♡ : what about going alone? (it isn’t!!) you: it would be too sad :’(  love♡ : I’m sorry to hear that, if I could be there I’d accompany you and wouldn’t mind seeing it a second time. you: yes i know.... what is it? six months? more? you hardly remember, having so many messages in here, it would be too difficult to keep track, though you’re positive, that if you asked him he’d tell you in an instant, since he’s so attentive with that little brain-computer of his. you close your lids, tapping your fingers on the desk, it’s wearing, you must admit. you like him, a lot at this point, but being so far and out of reach.... what can come out of this? friends don’t support you either, ignoring this blatant crush, trying to make you hook-up with people met at a bar, getting annoyed at you constantly texting, preaching that a long distance relationship is not worth your time and your effort, and it’s not even a relationship, isn’t it? you’re not on that level. you’re just weirdos keeping themselves company. bummed out a bit, you decide that maybe avoiding him for a couple of days might be a proper solution. will he feel your absence? will he miss you? you: is everything all right? sweetheart: yes. you: are you sure? sweetheart: yep im,,,, swamped with work, the drill you: that I understand but perhaps I did something wrong? sweetheart: ?? you: you’ve been acting kinda cold lately, and if I’m the cause of that I’m sorry. being a deviant is good sometimes, and sometimes is not. it was great until a while ago so why now.... now....? he feels so lost. it’s understandable to have a job and a life outside this bond but– but is it really? is it okay for you to be without him? you’d manage fine. mhh no– the real question is: is it okay for him to be without you? can he be without sending you a text at least once a day? can he be without hearing your voice at least once a week? can he be without your usual video calls at least twice a month? can he be without seeing you, over a screen, cooking your dinner and singing? can he be? can he exist without you? he’s.... starting to doubt that. sweetheart: no i’m i’m the one whos sorry, okay? we can call tomorrow you: I don’t want to press you into anything you don’t want to sweetheart: you’re not! i’ll make up for not having been so present! you sigh, suffocating yourself on the pillow, how can you be this dense? this stupid? this utter moronic?? unequivocally he was going to worry. you made him worry. fuck. you’re going to trust your guts, no dumb jokes, it’s obvious that you both care about the other and can’t stay apart for too long. you: i know it’s 3AM and you told me to not be awake but i cant i cant okay? im thinking of you and me and you and it began because im a mess so it shouldnt be a surprise i havent gotten better this past year has been.... the best. yeah i fucked up and tried to be distant, to see if sth would change but it didnt i love waking up and finding a text from you, i love the sound of your voice trying to lull me goodnight when im being a spoiled child, i love how you’re so gentle & how you always forgive me and mostly i love you not as a friend, definitely as more, definitely like a lover and i know that you’re so caring that you’ll probably still want to talk with me even if the affection’s not mutual you lock your phone’s screen and place it on the nightstand. the orange light from the streets seeping through the curtains and soaking your covers, and now that your eyes are free to roam, it’s easier to notice the soft feathers’ filling making tiny shadows on your face. poor poor geese. your fingertips slightly touch the stitches, your heartbeat pacing furiously from the strong emotions, both trepidation and fear running your veins. what if he doesn’t feel the same? what if he’s been polite this whole time and you overstepped his boundaries? what if? love♡ is typing.... ping! love♡ : I love you too, honey. but please, don’t scare me again, I think I lost four biocomponents when you suddenly stopped replying to me. also you should sleep. you: im pouring my heart out ugly crying and!!!! you’re too casual nooo it’s no big deal baby we just fucking love each other it’s totally ok incoming call from love ♡ “hey....” his tone slow and almost drowsy “i thought it was clear enough.” words rolling off his tongue, the same that he’d tenderly run across you, kissing, tasting, worshipping your body “i hate you.” you sniffle and there’s a chuckle on the different end “i love you.” you smile, wiping off the tears wetting your cheeks with the back of your right hand “i love you too.”

[charlyoddsox27]

its 6am, i havent slept, im bored, so im posting a list of the mercs in order of whom i like the most and reasons why, because thats something i should do i guess?

here goes

(spoilers for the comics down below but either way i think im the only person on earth who has never read them before now)

~~~

~~1. Medic~~

reasons for being my favourite:

• fucking. look. at. him. 👌

• 'mad german doctor' is one of my favourite tropes and he is a pretty bang-on satirical depiction of it

• cute-ass german accent

• he has pet pidgeons hE LOVES HIS PIDGEON PALS THEY KEEP HIM COMPANY

• healers are the most respectable class imo and since Medic pretty much started it he's automatically the best, thats how it works right?

• he sold some random persons soul to satan in exchange for a ***ballpoint pen*** and can i just say, fucking mood??? (he is literally the "i'd sell you to satan for one cornchip" meme)

• "yes, Archimedes...I couldn't agree more." *shudders* b oi .. .

• so many more reasons to love this gross old doctor so little room in Tumblrs posts.

~~2. Spy~~

reasons for being my second favourite:

• cranky, done with everyones shit, just wants to be left alone, fucking mood

• he's a spy i mean c'mon. look at the swanky-ass suit, look at the class radiating from this asshole.

• he may be a dick but he has a soft side he's just too jaded to show it most of the time (see: Scouts death in the comics?? real tears. honestly wish they'd panned that out more.)

• masks are hot tbFH--

• he enjoys a nice glass of whisky by the fireplace and so do i (fun fact: france is the biggest importer of scottish whisky in the world so its a nice touch)

• shapeshifting is fucking cool are you serious like he can just. do that. what a legend

• "i have a cyanide pill in one of my molars, if i break it then spit some in your mouth before i die, we can avoid being tortured." *'heavy' bursts in to save them* "PFFTHBTHF--"

• "SEDUCE ME."

• arrogant frenchman is one of my other favourite tropes and this is the most arrogant frenchman ive ever seen

• he's the only fully sane Merc, maybe apart from Engie.

• people love to hate him bc he's an asshole but...come on. after working with all those other weirdos for years, you'd be pretty jaded too.

• as a gross shipper, he's the easiest and the most fun (imo) to ship with Medic (rip me)

~~3. Pyro~~

reasons for being my third favourite:

• would have tied with Soldier if it werent for that one picture of them in the comics holding a puppy over their head with the most adoring expression on their mask??? good Pyro. goodest Pyro.

• doesn't do much in the comics but makes up for it in pure charm. look at that soulless face and tell me you dont love it.

• ambiguous gender ambiguous gender amBIGUOUS GENDER AMBIGUOUS GENDER. she/he/they? trans? nb? whatever you headcanon, it'll never be confirmed so its literally up to your own imagination. fucking ace, Valve 👌👌👌

• likes to burn things. god damnit. they like to burn things, guys. but they enjoy it so much, you just cant hate them, you can only feel a sympathetic joy that this precious lunatic is having fun in their own little world.

• canonically mentally ill (schizoprenia? it could be hallucinogenic drugs but i like to think its schizophrenia.)

• pretty sure they burned a pair of pedophiles in the comics. at least i think thats what those panels were insinuating. "lets open an orphanage and have an endless supply of kids to--" sounds pretty red-flaggy to me tbh. plus they were the villains so, eh?

• bludgeoned a bear to death until its skull was pulp because it insulted their special interest. you go, Pyro.

• for a few bits in the comics they have a really cute family dynamic going on with other Mercs, Soldier for example."Miss Pauling, Pyros on my side of the car." "Miss Pauling, Pyro cut off my hand." fuckin' cuties.

• when they start putting on like 50 shirts to keep warm in the Russian mountains. chubby.

• a gas mask that can function as both badass, and completely adorable.

• just. everything about them. how could you not love them. they're not in the wrong, you are. stay away from my misunderstood child and let them burn things god damnit.

~~4. Soldier~~

look I'm sorry, I love Soldier and he was gonna be tied with Pyro but that fucking puppy drawing sold me.

• absolute gold every second he speaks. he could sneeze and i'll laugh.

• such a dumbass you cant get annoyed at him for it. like. just agree with him and move on. no point reasoning with a boulder. "haha! silly Miss Pauling, thinking theres different types of blood." Medic: "haha yes! indeed, silly."

• HUTTAH *NECK SNAP*

• i'm not American and even i can see how blatantly his character mocks stereotypical Patriotic Americans™. but its so dumb and laughable, its adorable.

• EVERYTHING ABOUT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH ZHANNA IS A BLESSING. EVERYTHING.

• the first "meet the Mercs" video i ever saw was "meet the Soldier" so he holds a special place in my heart

• (preaches about experiencing the horrors of war; has never actually been to war. shh dont tell anyone though--) *neck gets snapped*

~~5. Demoman~~

• I'm Scottish. even though his accent is absolute garbage (no offense to the VA), any representation is very nice.

• Black AND Scottish?? i mean has a character like that even existed before TF2??? amazing example of representation right there. there are barely even any black people in Scotland, how did this happen. I love it. more of this, please.

• he's a drunk guy who blows shit up for shits and giggles and god I wish I could too, sounds like a miracle stress-reliever.

• his sassy black scottish mother. combining the stereotypical black mother with the stereotypical scottish mother is literally the best thing that ever happened.

• the bit in the comic where Medic explains that Demo can't remember what happened to his eye bc he scooped out part of his brain, and the look on Demo's face. just. the look.

• again, he's scottish, he's stereotypical, and he's awesome.

~~6. Sniper~~

• underrated

• piss jars. piss jars everywhere.

• "no dad, im not a crazed murdering lunatic, I'm an assassin. ...well one's a job and the other's mental sickness!!"

• "meet the Sniper" has kickass music

• ruffled gross old man who isn't actually old, he's just seen some SHIT

• actually given development in the comics + some really good scenes with Spy.

• so suave...so...handsome. handsome ruffled bushman. me like.

• he dies first in the comics but gets brought back and gets a cool-ass scar. and then he's just walking around naked everywhere for the rest of the comic. Medic, where the fuck did you put his clothes.

• isn't actually Australian. thats like one of the biggest twists in the comic. "no wonder i was never inhumanly strong and my chest hair didn't grow into the shape of Australia!!" Classic.

• says "bugger" a lot and i love that word

• he needs a hug, let me hug him. and give him a bath.

~~7. Heavy~~

I'm gonna be crucified for putting the big lad so low but i promise i dont dislike any of the Mercs. he'd be higher up but...ive never really liked big huge tank-men tbh :/

• loveable as fuck

• will murder you if you bully his puny little Medic

• i looove Russian accents omfg

• he like big gun. i can respect that.

• when Medic was killed and he went APESHIT on Classic!Heavy and I lost my fuckin' mind over that shit

• he probably has a soft spot for small cute animals. i love imagining him being swarmed by Medics flock of doves and petting them like "good bird...so many good bird..."

• actually smarter than people give him credit for???

• i really really wish his character was a lil more fleshed out but. that's just me. i love him but he doesn't have the same appeal to me as Medic or Spy.

• his entire relationship with Medic...ugh. yes. best friends and/or boyfriends. all good to me 👌

• he named his gun Sasha and that's adorable

~~8. Engineer~~

• gOD, FUCK, I REALLY WISH HE DID MORE IN THE COMICS. i barely know anything about his character. i like him a lot but...god, he...he doesn't...do.....anything.......

• he built a cool robot arm for himself and AI turrets and teleporter machines and guns that fire magic healing powers and immortality machines, in the 1960s. what. some kind of wizard fuckery is this.

• smoothest voice in the west

• "y'all"

~~9. Scout~~

oh god i really am gonna be crucified. i dont hate him i just. like him the least.

• shitboy

• reminds me of a shitty ex but also kinda relateable in a way

• some genuinely funny bits in the shorts.

• gross horny hetero teen boy with a god complex and serious daddy issues. also, he can't read. the "sex bom" tattoo on his chest will be an eternal testament to that. nice job, Spy. you raised him good.

~~~

hoo boy there we go theres all the boys, all the beautiful boys (and Scout) in order of how much i love them. if i made any errors in my info about the canon, feel free to send me death threats 💙 (no seriously tell me though, being a newbie is embarrassing)

so uh. yeah. that took two hours to write. its now 8am. im still bored lol. bye i guess.

[unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot]

okay another pride prompt - two (or more!) people in a queerplatonic relationship that you havent written before! any characters of your choice

I knew immediately that I wanted to write about Philinda, because after FitzSimmons, they’re the couple that’s so obviously queerplatonic, but I really struggled with what to write. I brainstormed a bit with @buskidsburgade (thanks for that!) and got a couple ideas, but I couldn’t quite get them to work in fic form. So, I decided to take a page out of @florchis‘s book and write a bullet fic detailing Phil and Melinda’s relationship from pre-series to the end of season 4 similar to how she re-wrote Demisexual Fitz’s story. 

It got long, and kinda angsty because SHIELD, but I hope you like it!

Phil Coulson never really cared about dating in high school.He was too busy learning everything he could about Captain America, PeggyCarter, the Howling Commandos, and SHIELD.

He’s recruited by SHIELD his freshman year of college andgoes to join the Communications Academy.

He goes on a few dates while he’s there, but he never formsany sort of romantic relationship with anyone. It doesn’t really bother him.The Academy Library has many more books on Captain America than he’d had accessto before.

After he becomes a fully-fledged SHIELD Agent, he findshimself being frequently paired with Melinda May, an Operations graduate. Theyquickly become friends, and nothing more.

Garrett doesn’t believe that Phil and Melinda are onlyfriends. He insists that they must be sleeping together, or even if theyaren’t, that Phil must want to. He doesn’t. Not with Melinda.

It’s the early 2000s when Phil stumbles on some newvocabulary: Asexual. Aromantic. Queerplatonic. “Huh,” is his reaction.

Asexual kinda fits. He isn’t a virgin, but sex isn’tsomething he desires all the time. Maybe gray-asexual fits him? He isn’t thatbothered with the specifics.

Aromantic definitely fits him. He struggles to define it,but he knows it makes sense.

Queerplatonic is another good word. He finally has somethingto describe his relationship with Melinda.

She’s alloromantic and allosexual. He’s spent enough timelistening to her talk about her dating partners to know that much. He’s seenthe way she and Andrew interact. There’s something between them that Phil justdoesn’t understand.

He goes to her to talk about what he’s figured out. She’saccepting of the possible asexual identity and the aromantic identity. Then heexplains about queerplatonic relationships and how he thinks they’re in one.

She gets it, and she agrees, but then she starts worrying.Is she cheating on Andrew? Is forming an emotional connection with another manconsidered cheating? Will Andrew be angry or accepting? Does their relationshipbreak SHIELD’s fraternization protocol?

Melinda wants to keep it between them, but Phil pushes,gently, that they should talk to Andrew, if only to alleviate her fears thatshe’s cheating. Phil says they’re not because there’s no romantic or sexualfeelings between them. Melinda still has doubts.

Finally she agrees that they should talk. Luckily, as atherapist who does his best to keep up with the various orientations andidentities people have, Andrew is familiar with all the terms Phil and Melindaare using.

Andrew is jealous at first. He’ll admit that. But he’s knownPhil long enough to trust that he’s being honest when he says that therelationship he has with Melinda is strictly queerplatonic and non-sexual. Hecan’t deny them the emotional connection they have. They’ve been through someshit together, that Glasgow mission in particular. He’s aware that people whohave been through what they have form close bonds. He tells them he acceptstheir relationship.

Everyone’s happy. Phil comes over frequently to spend timewith Melinda. They invite Andrew to join them when he can. Melinda and Andrew’srelationship grows stronger. They start to talk about starting a family.

Phil meets Audrey, and they form a connection. He explainsthat because of his job and his sexual and romantic identities they can’t havea relationship like she might want. Audrey understands. She still wants to try.They spend time together, have fun together. Phil hasn’t felt a connection likethis since Melinda.

He talks to Melinda about it, and she’s happy for him. “I’dbe a hypocrite if I didn’t want you to have more relationships, Phil,” shetells him.

Then Bahrain happens. Andrew does his best to be supportive.Phil is always there, encouraging her to talk about it, sparring with her whenshe needs to physically fight the memories. But the pain is too much. Melindawithdraws. From Andrew, from Phil, from field work. She requests a transfer tothe Administrative Department, which is granted. She and Andrew divorce. Philremains a field agent. He’s given special assignments: TAHITI, the AvengersInitiative. He doesn’t have time to talk with Melinda anymore. She won’trespond to him anyway.

Phil and Audrey start seeing more of each other. They startplanning a trip up the coast. Then Phil is called to assemble the Avengers.

Melinda hears reports about how Phil was killed in actionbefore the Battle of New York. She’s devastated. She regrets shutting him out,but she had to. Being around him after Bahrain just brought up memories shedesperately wanted to forget. “Let the girl go.”

Director Fury calls her to his office not long after theBattle of New York. He tells her all about TAHITI, how Phil is no longer dead,how he can never know what actually happened to him. He explains the mission,asks her to evaluate what they’ll need and give him the report. He’ll give theparameters to Phil. He warns her that Phil will want her as part of the team.Melinda’s okay with that. She’s ready to start repairing their relationship.

They form their team. FitzSimmons, the young, genius scienceduo who are the talk of SHIELD isn’t Melinda’s first choice, mainly becausethey aren’t cleared for combat, and they have no field experience to speak of,but their scientific record speaks for itself. Agent Ward is Maria Hill’schoice, one Melinda approves. The agent is surly, and his people skills need alot of work, but he has a dry sense of humor that Melinda appreciates, and he’snot bad to look at either. Phil decides to add one more, because of course hedoes. He’s Phil. He’s compassionate. That’s one of the things she loves abouthim.

Their relationship picks up almost where they left off.Their camaraderie hasn’t changed even with the separation. Phil is above her inrank now, which is different, but they’re still equal when they’re not actingas agents.

Melinda starts having sex with Ward, and she thinks shefinally understands Phil’s aromantic nature a bit better. There’s no romance atall in her relationship with Ward. She keeps it secret at first, but the guiltof keeping things from him gets to her. This secret she can tell him. Fury’ssecret, she can’t.

It comes out, of course. All secrets do, eventually. He’shurt. She’s hurt too. Their trust is broken, and he sends her away. She goes.She’s determined to find answers. To prove that she cares.

She finds the hard-drive and brings it to Phil. “Huh,” ishis reaction. They apologize to each other, and forgive each other. Theirrelationship has never really been physically intimate, but that night theyshare a bed. They need to be close.

They defeat Garrett, arrest Ward, and find a new base.Melinda thinks that maybe they can start to rebuild their lives.

Then Phil starts to carve. Melinda finds him the nextmorning, passed out from exhaustion on the floor, knife in hand, and the wallcovered in those strange symbols. She knows instantly what this means. Shehelps Phil to bed, and once he’s had some more sleep, they talk. She tells himwhat she knows. She makes him promise to get her each time he feels the need tocarve. She starts to make plans.

They go undercover together as husband and wife. “We’remodern,” Melinda tells their mark. If only he knew how true that was…

Phil wants her to shoot him in the head. She can’t. Shewon’t. She’ll send him to Australia. He likes kangaroos.

“Point is,” she tells him, “no matter what happens, I’lltake care of you. That’s my plan.”

“That is,without question, the sweetest, most selfless thing anyone has ever wanted todo for me,” he tells her, “but I need you to forget all that, and kill me asordered.”

“Phil, please.” How can he ask that of her? After everythingthey’ve been through?

“Hardchoices are coming. I need you to make this one. For me.” For him. She doesn’tlike it, but she nods.

Luckily,it doesn’t get to that point. He figures out what the carving means and theimpulse goes away. She doesn’t have the words to describe how relieved she is.

Theyneed Andrew’s help. He’s the only one they trust to evaluate Skye. She goes tosee him. It’s awkward. He’s a little annoyed. She should have called him back.He agrees to help anyway.

The baseis taken over by Gonzales and his team. May does her best to resist, to helpPhil escape, and convince the others that he’s not the threat they think he is.But Gonzales and his team know the Director’s secrets. Melinda knows that it’spart of the job—keeping secrets—she’s done it before. But this secret—Philmeeting with Andrew behind her back—that’s too far. They’ve always been openwith each other about their various relationships. Melinda knows, logically,that Phil probably went to Andrew for therapy, but still! Andrew is her ex, and it feels weird that the manshe’s currently in a relationship with, non-sexual/non-romantic though it maybe, is talking to the man she used to be in a relationship with.

Andrew shows up after it’s all over, to help them deal withthe ever-growing number of traumatic experiences they’ve faced. He and Melindastart talking again, just like they used to before Melinda bottled all herfeelings up inside her. They steal Phil’s whisky. Andrew encourages her to takea break, go on vacation with him. Melinda agrees. Phil is supportive. She cantell he’s sad; she hopes that he’ll miss her. But all he does is tell her it’stime she took a break.

The vacation with Andrew is great, but then it’s like hedisappears off the face of the planet. He doesn’t return her calls, or answerher texts. She doesn’t know what she did, but she must have done something.

She goes to see Phil. She lets him know things went southwith Andrew, but that she’s not ready to come back yet. They share a drinktogether, and he listens to her vent. She lets him know she’s going to spendsome time visiting her parents, and leaves again.

While she’s gone, Phil meets Rosalind Price. He doesn’ttrust her, but she does intrigue him. He can flirt, pretend to be alloromanticand allosexual. He wants her to trust him.

They find out that Andrew is Lash. Melinda is devastated.Phil wants to help, wants to be there for her, but he remembers how she wasafter Bahrain. She just wanted space to process in her own time. So that’s whathe gives her.

He trusts Rosalind more now, but not enough to come out toher. He’s not sure she’d be accepting of his relationship with Melinda. He’sworking toward it though. Sadly, he never gets the chance. It’s Melinda’s turnto give him space.

Melinda is pissed when she learns how Phil jumped out of theQuinjet into the portal, but she’s so relieved when she learns he’s alive. Shewaits anxiously for the pod to return to the Zephyr, and when Phil exits, shehugs him. Later, when they’re alone in his office, she lets him know just howstupid she thinks he was, going through the portal like that. He lets her yell,doesn’t try to defend himself. He just stares off to the side, like he’s lostin his thoughts. She realizes that something happened on Maveth, something thathe’s not willing to share yet. That night, they share a bed, and she holds himwhile he cries.

Time passes. Andrew dies. They save the world again. ThenDaisy leaves, and Phil steps down. A new director takes over, and their team issplit apart. Phil is sent to do field work on the Zephyr with Mack. May istasked with training a special strike force team. They barely see each other,or even get a chance to talk. The new director puts up motivational posters inthe bathrooms. It sucks. Melinda considers leaving again, but chooses not to.She needs to stay, to protect her found family.

Phil is worried when he learns that Melinda is infected, andhe’s furious when Mace refuses to give him any information, then relieved whenSimmons reports that she’s been cured. He’s slightly alarmed when Simmonselaborates on exactly what the cure was, and then he’s curious about whatMelinda saw before she died.

Melinda doesn’t remember much of what happened while she wasinfected. But she remembers seeing Phil, and she remembers the comfort thatbrought her.

He’s annoying about it, repeatedly asking her about what shesaw. She wonders if he saw her before he died? Not that he’d remember. TAHITItook that away.

When he vanishes, she does everything she can to get himback, even getting Radcliffe to read the Darkhold. She knows Phil will bepissed when he finds out, but she doesn’t care. She needs him back, and theDarkhold may have the answers. She’s right. Radcliffe and his robot build aportal. When it opens, and she sees Phil being sucked into the darkness, andFitz doing his best to pull him out, her heart stops for a second. She tries torush in to help, but Radcliffe stops her. There’s nothing she can do but watchand yell at him to fight.

“I knew you weren’t gone,” she tells him when he comes backthrough.

“I know,” he responds.

Melinda remembers going to get AIDA. Then, she’s in a spa. Andagain, and again. Then, she’s escaping. And again, and again, and again. Then,she’s back in Bahrain. She saves the girl. She goes home to Andrew. She has noidea who Phil Coulson is.

Phil is mad at himself that he didn’t recognize that Maywasn’t the real May. He should have known. They’ve been through so muchtogether. He should have known. He kissed her—kissed it? Why did he do that?Their relationship has never been very physically intimate. He’s fine withkissing, and he loves Melinda, but she’s never been on his list of people hewants to kiss. Though lately…

He searches for her, the real her. The Russian brings up anassignment he and Melinda worked together, before Phil learned about hisidentities, before Melinda and Andrew were together. He had known, even then,that his relationship with Melinda was different, and special. She brought updating, and even though he wasn’t that interested, he was willing to considerit. For her.

Then, he’s a teacher. And Melinda May is the Hydra Agent whoendangered them all.

But, Phil has doubts. Something isn’t right about his life.It must be the soap. Hydra is brainwashing him with the soap. He learns how tomake his own.

Daisy brings Agent May to the Resistance’s base. Phil can’thelp but feel drawn to her. Daisy had mentioned that they were close in theother world. Phil wonders exactly how close?

He gets shot trying to leave, and it feels oddly familiar.May is there, helping him. “Come with me,” he tells her. “Just follow my lead.”

He wakes up in an unfamiliar room. May is hooked up next tohim. “Come on, May. Jump.” She wakes with a gasp.

He fills her in on everything she missed, carefully leavingout one certain detail. She picks up on it though. “What aren’t you tellingme?”

“I drank the bottle of Haig.”

“You piece of sh—” Phil is only slightly grateful that theexplosion stops her from finishing.

They don’t really have time to actually talk about whathappened, but they do their best in between setting up the plan to captureAIDA. Phil really wishes they had another bottle of Haig to help make the talkeasier, but they’re a bit busy at the moment. He really wants to reaffirm theirqueerplatonic relationship, maybe discuss physical intimacy, but he can’t dothat at the moment. He vows to buy another bottle as soon as everything hassettled down around them.

He isn’t able to keep that vow.

[sevendevilsandholywater]

it was beyond risky, and i shouldnt have done it with how bad my luck seems to be but i took i anyways. i was informed when Itami came back from Azys La that Estinien was taken by Nidhogg, i knew what needed to be done. i don’t wanna do it but i made him a promise and if he’s still in there somewhere he’ll understand i’m just upholding it. there’s no way i could that i told him and now heading for the beast’s lair i still cant believe i’m doing this. i thought about stopping to camp but i didn’t trust being so deep in dragon lands so i traveled through the night. my mind wouldn’t stop giving me memories of all the fucking one night stands Estinien would pull with me since that first one months ago. not all were born of intoxication but a good handful were. he told me just the other night about how i had to swear to kill him should nidhogg best him. not something i wanted to say or hear from the man i’d grown to love. he was really placing his life in my hands then, trusting id do whats best for the city we both loved. and what of what’s best for you Estinien?

Itami

after the Estinien upset i knew Nova would be in pieces so i looked everywhere for him to offer comfort. he hasn’t reported back to work like he usually does when shit hits the fan so i went and asked his parents if theyd seen him. 

“He told us he had a promise to keep before telling us goodbye. he’d either come back with Ser Estinien or he wasn’t coming back at all. so we wished him luck and prayed the Fury would keep him on his travels.” that wasn’t entirely helpful they didnt say where he was going if they even knew. so i went to asking anyone if they knew his whereabouts. some of the children in the Brume seem to think he’s off to face NIdhogg himself to save Estinien and like surely Nova isnt that stupid right? right? he’s that stupid i already feel it in my gut. i went and talked to Ser Aymeric about this thought and he brought up some info he knew on his friend. 

“This promise couldve been if he failed to best Nidhogg to kill him. my best guess is Nova went to uphold this promise.” i slammed my palms on his desk making a few things roll off. If i didnt have his attention before i certainly have it now.��

“All by himself?! now why in your fucking Fury’s name would he do that?!”

“I don’t know. now would you like to go get him or stand here and try to guess how your brother’s brain works?” the overwhelming urge to knock everything off his desk then throw the fucking desk was almost too much but i managed to resist. i turned on my heels and stormed out. Alphinaud ran up to me when i exited the building asking if i had found Nova.

“Yeah....... he’s fucking solo charging Nidhogg to kill Estinien.” i was seething. the boy is taken aback, i know since our journey to initially fight the beast he and Estinien have an interesting relationship. 

“Wha-... K-Kill him? now let’s not get too hasty there must be something we can do. an avenue we havent explored.” well i implore you to put on your hiking boots and tread it with all due haste. 

days turned into weeks and still no return of either Nidhogg or Nova. now bereft of both Azure Dragoons everyone is whispering about the end of Ishgard. you’re being overdramatic, as long as i’m here atleast one of them will come back. even if i have to drag whichever one through the Gates myself. i’m only for this conference cause it’s bound to draw Nidhogg out and i pray to the Twelve Nova follows. But he didn’t. After the conference inevitably failed like I assumed, I rushed over to Skysteel Manufactory in hopes of enlisting Cid. Being reckless is the Warrior of Light’s job dear brother and I’d appreciate you leaving it to me. I had Cid fly me to the Aery, well as close as he could get, with a party of seasoned adventurers to help me find him. Of course I’m prepared to find a body or any sign he’s been killed; like his lance or some severed limbs idk what dragons do with food. We didn’t fan out cause that’d just negate the reason for bringing a party. Where are you Nova?

It’s a long story our time in the aery. We finally found Nova but he had been corrupted by the beasts aura. Aura?....yeah I guess that’s the right term. This is a severe hit to the pride for him. Both Azure Dragoons taken by Nidhogg. After securing him we beat a hasty retreat. We’ll fight him when he comes to Ishgard not in his own lair. Cid was quick to fly us away when he saw us hop on, the others were talking of the experience while I watched over my brother; I didn’t like his odds with these gashes. It must be a healer’s sixth sense that kept him alive on the trip back and when we got to Ishgard. There was already someone waiting to look at us.

“Please look at my brother first he was there the longest.” It was meant to be a demand but it came out like a desperate plea. I can’t lose him......not after I found him. Please Twelve don’t take him from me. I kept shooing away any chirurgeon tryna look at me only focused on Nova.

So I was later told I was bleeding on the floor then collapsed from blood loss. Whoops? So guess those chirurgeons really weren’t being overdramatic. The second, and I mean the literal second, I was allowed outta bed it was immediately to Nova’s bedside. I took his cold hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll fight Nidhogg and I’ll save Estinien. When you wake he’ll be waiting for you. I promise. So that means you gotta promise me you’ll wake up soon.” I intend to keep this promise.

And I will.

[themoneybuff-blog]

The death of Anthony Bourdain: Thoughts on productivity, pleasure, and depression

Shares 141 Warning: This is a rare GRS post that contains salty language. If you dont like salty language, dont read this article. Anthony Bourdain killed himself Friday morning. So what? you might be thinking. Hes just another fucking celebrity who didnt know how good he had it. Maybe youre right. But his death has weighed heavy on me all weekend. On Friday morning, as I wrote the weekly Get Rich Slowly email, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. On Friday afternoon, as Kim and I worked in the yard, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. On Friday evening, as we soaked in our new hot tub with a friend, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Yesterday, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Today, I thought about Anthony Bourdain. Now Im writing this article as an act of catharsis. Maybe itll help me to stop thinking about Anthony Bourdain. The Depression Trap I believe Anthony Bourdains death touched me deeply for a couple of reasons. I was a huge fan. Since listening him read the audio version of Kitchen Confidential a decade ago, Ive loved his work. Parts Unknown was probably my favorite travel show: raw and real and filled with food. Bourdain connected with everyone he met. His joy for life was contagious and his mind was sharp.Like Bourdain did, I struggle with depression. All my life, Ive experienced periodic descents into darkness. The first time this happened, I missed five weeks of sixth grade. In the nearly forty years since then, Ive developed a variety of coping mechanisms but they dont always work. In recent months since the middle of March the darkness has deepened and I dont know why. (And just as I missed five weeks of school back then, Ive been unable to get my work done in the present.) Let me make it clear that I am not suicidal. Right now, the biggest symptom of my depression is my inability to get shit done. But whereas suicide seems strange and senseless to most everyone else, depressives understand the appeal even if wed never consider it personally. One of the many stupid things about depression is that the condition doesnt care how awesome your life is. It doesnt care how successful you are. It doesnt care how much money you have. Depression is not rational. If it were, itd be easy to think your way out of it. Paula Froelich, one of Bourdains ex-girlfriends, put it like this:

Bourdains death didnt just make me introspective. It also led to a couple of interesting conversations about pleasure and productivity and about what really matters in life. The Productivity Trap Friday afternoon, I received email from a GRS reader well call Michael: Im sure you saw Anthony Bourdain killed himself. This to me was a telling quote: When asked during a recent interview with The Wall Street Journal whether he ever thought about stepping back from the breakneck pace of a job that kept him on the road 250 days a year, he replied, Too late for that. I think about it. I aspired to it. I feel guilty about it. I yearn for it. Balance? I fucking wish.' Obviously I didnt know Bourdain personally, or even know much about him as a public figure, but I think that mentality is common: Once youve become successful, the thought of ever ratcheting back seems unthinkable. Obviously, suicide is rare, but I think this mentality is common among successful people they stay in an unhappy status quo simply because they have so much invested in their self-image and public perception of themselves as successful people. I think Michael is onto something. Ive seen this in my own life, in the lives of friends and family, and the lives of colleagues. They fall into what you might call the productivity trap. (Heres an article I almost linked to the other day about the productivity trap: If youre so successful, why are you still working 70 hours a week?) I have one friend, for instance, with an enormously successful career. He has a popular blog, a popular podcast, best-selling books, and even an annual conference that attracts attendees from across the planet. Yet hes never satisfied not with himself nor with anybody else. Hes always looking for ways to make things bigger and better. He seems unhappy with who he is and what he has. Hes written publicly about his struggles with mental illness, but he hasnt revealed its full effects. Its not just my friend. Its me too. I see this pattern in my own life, and its something Ive deliberately decided to approach more mindfully. Why do I want to have a hot tub or travel to Ecuador? Why did I repurchase Get Rich Slowly and how often should I publish here? Why do I keep agreeing to public speaking gigs? Do I really want these things? Are they aligned with my personal mission statement? Will they really make me happy? (Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes the answer is no.) In his email, Michael continued: I think this is really the key to personal finance and early retirement actually stepping back and figure out what is important to you, and doing it, even if it seems like youre turning your back on a great career, or a nice house or whatever. That is the hardest part, which keeps most people in a life they dont want. They think I went to school X or work at company Y, so therefore I must live in this city or have that job or have that wardrobe and never ask themselves what, as individuals, makes them happy. The Pleasure Trap As our email conversation continued, Michael brought up another interesting point. He noted that our culture and this is especially true in the world of financial independence blogs is obsessed with experiences, such as travel. Yet in many ways, collecting experiences is no better (nor any different) than collecting things. Heres Michael again: [Bourdain] had the ne plus ultra of modern life: rich, famous, a job that 99% of the population would kill for, saw everything he wanted to see, ate everything he wanted to eat, Im sure slept with tons of women if that is what he wanted, took all the drugs he wanted. You name it, he had it. And, he hung himself in a hotel room in France, a twice-divorced man a continent away from his daughter and girlfriend. Im not bagging on him. I just think he illustrates something: A meaningful life doesnt consist of a series of cool experiences, or traveling or eating cool stuff. Bourdain did that stuff to an incredible degree, and it still didnt make him happy. I think that is what our society has forgotten. I feel like were always being told we should move a lot, travel a lot, be vaguely or overtly dismissive of the town or state we were born in, move for college and never move back homein short, basically be a free agent with fewer and fewer personal connections, or weaker connections. And, we get this [higher suicide rates]. [] I think this relates to personal finance. There is always this thought that thrift requires these huge sacrifices less travel, fewer new experiences, fewer new restaurants. But what if [these arent sacrifices]? What if irrespective of cost, that stuff isnt really a source of happiness? I mean, people accept that with respect to possessions nobody says a Cadillac or a 5000-square-foot home is the key to happiness but many, many people in our culture think new experiences are crucial to a happy life. It may be the opposite the continuity and free-time to invest in loving relationships may actually be the key to happiness. I told Kim about my conversation with Michael. Its the pleasure trap, she said. People fall for the lie that momentary pleasure equals happiness. But pleasure isnt the same as happiness. Shes right, of course. Happiness is like planting a garden, watching it grow, then enjoying the harvest. Pleasure is simply eating the fruit. Happiness is deeper and richer and longer lasting. Pleasure is fleeting; happiness is not. But happiness involves time and work and patience. Now, Ill admit: Im guilty as anyone else of falling into the pleasure trap, and in oh-so-many ways! I have to make a deliberate effort to look past immediate pleasure in order to consider long-term happiness. This often requires enduring unpleasant activities. Do I really want to go out in the cold and the rain to dig in the mud and plant my garden? No, not in this moment. Id rather sit in the hot tub. But if I dont plant the garden, Im sacrificing greater happiness in the future. Final Thoughts While I think that Kim and Michael are onto something the productivity trap and the pleasure trap are both real and both problematic I keep coming back to Anthony Bourdains battle with depression. During my recent road trip through the southeastern U.S., I talked with two friends who are fighting depression in their own lives. One friend has a spouse who cannot shake the condition despite counseling, despite exercise, despite a loving family. The other friend fights the condition himself and its led to weight gain and addictive tendencies. Therapy has helped some but its not a cure-all. As for myself, I havent yet returned to therapy although Im considering it. (Not so long ago, I spent a year working with a therapist to find ways to cope with anxiety and depression. It helped.) I want to stress again that I am not suicidal. But the depression has most definitely affected my daily existence, including my relationships, my health, and my work here at Get Rich Slowly. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. But I know that itll get better someday. Shares 141 https://www.getrichslowly.org/death-of-anthony-bourdain/