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vincess-princess · 4 years ago

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in the dead of the night

a halloween present no one wanted

Pairing: vampire!Nikki/human!Vince Rating: explicit Warnings: heavy dubcon, sex toys, biting, dom/sub tendencies Wordcount: 1930

a piece based on my When The Sun Goes Down (1, 2) universe

“Move,” Nikki ordered, approaching the bed. Vince rolled over to the other side, carefully eyeing Nikki through half-closed eyes, his sleepiness gone in a matter of seconds. Nikki’s movements were a little too quick for a human, and the gesture with which he tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear was a little too sharp - too precise, even. Vince couldn’t see his eyes in the dark, but he was sure his pupils were so wide they covered his irises almost entirely. And Nikki always had black eyes when he was hungry.

“You’re early today,” Vince murmured quietly as Nikki sat down on the edge of the bed and began untying his shoes. “How’s the hunt?”

“Terrible,” Nikki threw one of his boots against the wall. The loud thud made Vince shiver. “Almost got caught by goddamned Silvers. There’s too many of them around recently.”

“Did you get hurt?” Vince sat up on the bed and was going to throw away the blanket, but Nikki turned around and pushed him back without a word. Vince complied with a sigh.

“Me? Hurt by those idiots? Ha!” Nikki hurled his another boot across the room and reached for the buttons on his shirt. “Not in a million years.”

Yeah, sure, Vince barely held back from saying. Nikki wouldn’t have thrown his boots across the room with such ferocity if the hunters were so easy to handle.

He finally mustered enough bravery and asked, “Did you feed?”

“No,” Nikki took off his shirt, unbuttoned his pants and got up, letting them slide down his legs. Then he smiled, and Vince had to bite his lip and look away, because his fangs were long and pointy and absolutely ready to dig into certain someone’s throat. Again. “Which is why I am here.”

Nikki reached out for Vince, grabbed him by the shoulder and dragged him closer to the center of the bed. He pulled the blanket off, and Vince felt naked under his hungry gaze. Naked and on a plate with an apple in his mouth, ready to be devoured alive.

The next moment, cold lips pressed against his, and equally cold fingers tangled in his hair. After an impatient tug Vince opened his mouth, letting Nikki in. Nikki was a good kisser, he had a lot of time to practice. Sometimes Vince wondered how many mouths these lips have kissed before him, and how many will do the same after him. Nikki never told him anything, but Vince was pretty sure he wasn’t the only human Nikki toyed with during his undead life. Vince didn’t want to think what happened to all of them.

Only when Nikki bit Vince’s lip impatiently, Vince remembered that they were actually in the middle of a kiss. Oh, yeah, he was supposed to react to it in some way.

“You’re not so enthusiastic tonight,” Nikki broke the kiss and leaned closer. His breath was cold against Vince’s ear. “Shall I proceed directly to the pleasant part yet? Pleasant for me, of course,” and he grinned, with those pointy teeth of his.

“Sorry,” Vince mumbled and ran his hand through Nikki’s hair, lush and thick, just asking to be felt and caressed. He pulled Nikki closer and pressed his lips against his. Nikki’s fangs scratched his lips a little, but not to the point of making it bleed. It was even kind of hot, kissing a creature that could tear him apart with those fangs in no time.

“You’re so warm,” Nikki murmured in between the kisses. He positioned himself on top of Vince, his hands sliding all over his body, leaving cold traces that lingered on the skin and made Vince shudder. Even Nikki’s tongue was cold – it felt kind of what kissing a slug would be like, not that Vince actually knew how it would feel like, - and left a metallic aftertaste in his mouth. Nikki radiated cold, and now that Vince was getting hot and bothered it was no longer off-putting – welcome, really. The feeling of a strong, muscular body pressed against his, the hunger and possessiveness in his every kiss, the way he clung to him so desperately, the way his hands that could crack his skull and break his neck caressed his hair oh so gently – it was something Vince, against his will, enjoyed immensely.

“You like it, huh?” Nikki broke the kiss and settled himself on Vince’s hips, his hands pulling up his t-shirt and sneaking under it. His finger slid under the thin fabric and circled Vince’s nipple, trailed down his stomach and lower, up to the zip on his pants. He was sitting right on Vince’s swollen cock and of course he felt it. He knew what he could do to Vince and used it accordingly.

“Want me handle it for you?” he gripped Vince’s cock through the fabrics, then rose up to pull his pants lower, releasing it. His hand, though, lingered on Vince’s thigh, playing with him - not hurrying to put Vince out of his misery. Vince just nodded, afraid that if he opened his mouth he would start moaning.

“Good boy,” Nikki said, wrapping his hand around Vince’s cock. Just a few strokes up and down made Vince tilt his head back and groan. When Nikki had first done that, shortly after he brought him to this house, Vince was afraid he was going to scratch his cock with his claws, but Nikki never did. He was always very careful.

“Come on, tell me how you love it,” Nikki increased the pace. His eyes were fixed on Vince’s face: he watched him with such attention Vince couldn’t help but blush. He knew Nikki could smell the blood rushing in his veins; he listened to his every broken breath; he followed every drop of sweat running down his forehead. He was just hungry, but Vince liked to think he missed his humanhood in some ways.

“Faster,” Vince moaned. “Nikki… faster. Please. Ple-“

His plea was cut short, as Nikki let go of his’s cock and stood up.

“What the fuck?” Vince reached out to grab his cock and finish, but Nikki caught his hand halfway through.

“Did I allow you to touch yourself?” He raised an eyebrow. His grip on Vince’s wrist tightened. “No release for you if I see you doing it.”

“Nikki!” Vince moaned indignantly, but obeyed. Nikki disappeared behind the door. Vince bit his lip and grasped at the sheets so tightly he almost tore the fabric. He needed a release so badly, but he remembered very well who was calling the shots here. And it wasn’t Vince, unfortunately.

Nikki came back to the room with some strange package. Just as Vince rose up on his elbows to get a better look at it, Nikki tore the package apart and pulled its contents out.

“Oh my god,” Vince said.

“Specially for you, baby,” Nikki grinned, watching Vince’s eyes widen, and sat on the corner of the bed, showing him a giant pink dildo. “Handjobs have their own charm, but nothing can replace a thick cock in the butt, can it?”

“It won’t fit inside me,” Vince couldn’t stop staring at the “surprise”. He hadn’t had anal sex for a long time, and his ass certainly wasn’t prepared for it. But he could feel the waves of warmth washing over his body, and yes, Nikki was right, handjobs were just a temporary solution.

“Let’s try and see,” Nikki winked, reached for the nightstand and pulled out a bottle of lube. Vince sighed, pulled off his pants and threw them somewhere onto the floor. Nikki spread his legs and settled between them; then he pulled his hips closer and pushed a pillow under his lower back.

“I can’t stretch you,” Nikki said, pouring the lube onto his fingers, “so it’s gonna hurt a little in the beginning. But I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“Did anybody ask you, darling?” Nikki raised an eyebrow. “You know, I could just skip all the trouble and feed on you right now. Do you wanna go this way?”

Vince looked Nikki in the eyes and slowly shook his head. For a second he forgot he had no choice.

“Great,” Nikki lined the dildo up to his hole and pushes it forward – just a little, but Vince flinched. “Hey, relax. It will definitely hurt if you keep being so tense.”

“I know.” Vince honestly tried to relax, breathing in and out deeply, concentrating on the breathing alone. It worked - when Nikki pushes the dildo forward, it was easier to take it. With every inch Vince’s breathing became quicker and shallower. At some point, it started to hurt, a dull pain piercing his lower side.

“Not so fast,” Vince managed to murmur. Nikki raised his gaze to see his face.

“Okay, sweetie,” he rubbed Vince’s thigh. “You’re taking it so well. Good boy.”

“I’m… not your boy.” Vince hissed, desperately trying to keep his groans inside his chest. “Ah! Careful!”

“Of course you are,” Nikki stretched out his hand and patted him on the cheek. “My little human toy. My pet.” Vince bit his hand slightly, in a fuck you gesture. Nikki only laughed.

“Oh, someone’s being naughty,” he laughed and without a warning pushed the rest of the dildo inside Vince, drawing a whimper of pain out of him. “It is going to hurt a little at first,” Nikki said, stroking Vince’s thigh. Vince wanted to shake his hand off, but once he tried to move his leg, a gentle gesture gained strength and kept him in place. Resisting was useless, as was objecting; so Vince concentrated on his breathing. It helped ignore dull pain in his lower part of the body, together with the arousal that Nikki didn’t allow him to let out. In and out, in and out, in and-

Vince gasped when Nikki carefully pulled the dildo out a little and thrust it back in, hitting his sweet spot. The momentary feeling of pleasure made him forget about the pain for a second. His own arousal, about which he had already kind of forgotten, now rose up inside him again.

“I see you like it more now,” Nikki grinned upon hearing Vince gasp. “Want more?”

Vince just nodded, clutching at the sheets. Nikki got a grasp on the dildo, pushing it in and out, faster and faster, until Vince’s moans turned into broken gasps. At some moment Nikki’s other hand grasped Vince’s swollen cock, and Vince didn’t even notice how cold it was – he could think of nothing more but the pleasure building up in his crotch, thickening with every movement of Nikki’s hands. He just wanted a release. A release, please, ple-

“Almost there, sweetheart,” Nikki released his cock and leaned down to Vince, kissing him on the lips. “Almost there.”

“Nikki,” Vince managed to exhale. “Nikki, please-“

And then - oh God. Oh fuck.

He came right on his stomach, the dildo still between his legs, while Nikki was watching him hungrily. Vince knew Nikki liked him this way the most – disheveled, breathless, still shaking from the recent orgasm. So he wasn’t surprised when his dark figure hovered over him and buried his face in Vince’s neck. In a post-orgasm haze the pain from the fangs piercing his skin wasn’t so sharp, the humiliation not so deep.

Vince put his hand on Nikki’s head, tangled his fingers in his hair and closed his eyes. Just go through it, he told himself. It happened so many times, just go through it.

#nikki sixx #vince neil #vinikki #motley crue #motley crue fanfiction #this is bad but im posting it anyway #i havent posted for three months but it doesnt mean i didnt write at that time #it was all bad though #also huge thanks to dee for reading it ily <3

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blxetsi · 4 years ago

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armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

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seijch · 4 years ago

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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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ruiyuki-archives · 4 years ago

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Star Tear AU - Alt. Timeline: Todoroki ver. [Part 1]

This is an AU I wrote on the todomomo discord server eons ago. Anything posted to this blog will be transcripts of old original work and not really edited, save for formatting. I have no guarantees if I will ever finish these AUs either so these will only be kept as an archive.

Original transcript posted to tdmm discord: Aug 2020

Momo ver. Alternate timeline: Todo ver. Part 1 || Todo ver. Part 2 || Todo ver. Part 3

Star tears in which Todoroki falls for Momo first.

shortly after the exam with Aizawa he doesn’t know what he’s feeling but just admires her strength and quick thinking

and him hanging out with Deku and Iida at lunch means Todo hears all the nice and good things Momo does when she and Iida to discuss class prez stuff

which intensifies this ??admiration?? and respect more

and he just?? Holds onto those feelings unable to figure out what they are until idk maybe holidays where 1A and 1B throw that holiday hotpot party

and Momos really cute lookin’ in that Santa hat she made with the festive turtleneck

and so that feeling inside Todo grows into something more??? bc "oh shit she cute".... and Todo’s blushing while looking at her from afar. Probably.

so Todo talks to Fuyumi abt it and Fuyumi’s like: “I think you like her Shouto”

and he writes to his mom abt it and Rei's like: “she sounds like a lovely girl Shouto”

and he texts Natsuo abt it and Natsu's like: “aw little bro has a crush”

but all the while this is happening, Momo's gotten closer with Iida over class prez stuff and hero stuff and everyone in 1A (read: mina and hagakure) think iimomo might be a thing???

ofc Momo denies it and making excuses politely like "no no ofc not we're being responsible class prez and vice prez" but she’s kinda stuttery while doing so, so no one buys it

and no ones brave enough to ask Iida except Ochako but he gives some straight laced answer like "i admire her work ethic and respect her as a hero and vice prez" but he also has some tint of blush across his cheeks

so idk fast forward to graduation where Todo's been holding onto these feelings for Momo since first year and iimomo is still very very likely

so its all cherry blossom petals flying around and congratulatory celebrations

and when Todo sees Momo amongst the sakura trees smiling like he's never seen before (bc they're finally officially heroes!!) he thinks she’s beautiful

but just as he's about to approach her, Iida approaches her and Todo can see she's blushing and he knows its really not good to eavesdrop on one of his best friends and the girl he likes

But... he's curious.

or so he lies to himself.

Ofc what he hears isnt what he ever wants to,,,,

cuz Iida just confessed to her.

and she feels the same.

and a star tear slips from Todo's eye as he walks away.

he stops mid step as he touches his cheek bc he didnt even realize he was crying

but what are these tears??? What’s happening?? He's never had these before bc even though Todo is an emotional crier, he doesn’t cry that often.. only when he is completely overwhelmed with emotion

so he has this dumbfounded expression staring at his fingers as these star tears are twinkling out of his eyes catching sunlight and sakura petals

until he hears "Youre a fucking idiot" from a few steps away

Bakugou.

(Baku really likes eavesdropping ok its not the first time lol)

Baku: theyre called star tears.

Todo: You know what these are?

Baku: it happens when you like someone and that person doesnt like you back, idiot.

Todo: ... oh.

Baku: get that shit sorted or you'll go blind

(And for those who are curious, yes maaaayyybe Bakugou has a case of the stars in this timeline too, that’s how he knows. To whom? I'll let you decide bc honestly, I just want todobaku brotp bonding over unrequited love)

so now Todo thinks he might be fucked. One of his best friends confessed to the girl he likes too and she likes him back and now Todo has this disease that might make him go blind and might get in the way of heroing (which they've all secured post graduation positions by now) and what can he do about it?

nothing, says the doctor he sees. The disease is not curable and the only way to stop it is to have your feelings returned else you'll go colour blind and then completely blind, so he's told.

ya he's really fucked.

maybe its a good thing then, that he doesnt cry often. It makes it easier to ice over these feelings, freeze them in time with the memories of U.A.; of his last congratulations to her and her smile at the end of the ceremony an hour after he overheard that confession

maybe its another good thing that right after graduation, everyone went off to their own positions as side kicks with agencies across japan, focusing on heroing

but its 3 months after graduation that Iida tells Deku and Todoroki that he is seeing Momo when they meet up every Friday to catch up

its 6 months after graduation that its publicly announced in Hero Magazine that Ingenium and Creati are dating

its 9 months after graduation that he sees Iida and Momo attending the Hero Association's rising stars gala as a couple and are seated at the same table as them

(Bakugou is scowling at him across the table.)

Todo tries. He really does. To be happy for them.

but he's angry at himself that he can't be happy for them. That it saddens him to see Momo glowing under the ballroom lights but its not himself to make her shine like that, its Iida. That he sees she is the one to make Iida genuinely happy in the way his eyes light up when he smiles at her.

and all three times Todo goes home, lies down alone in his room, an arm slung across his forehead as the star tears leak from his eyes.

he starts to lose seeing colour at 12 months.

after 24 months he needs glasses for colour correction (and ironically gets a sponsorship with the brand. The fashion magazines print headlines for weeks "Hot-Cold Hero Shouto Fall Fashion! See page 7 spread for his newest spotted specks and turtle necks")

at 36 months Iida breaks the news. Iida's gonna propose to Yaoyorozu and wants him, Deku, and his brother to be his groomsmen

she said yes.

and a part of Todo washes away with the star tears flooding him room and twinkling against the tatami.

he tries to stay out of the wedding planning as much as possible. He'll go to the tuxedo fittings as requested and still keep up hearing the updates when seeing Iida and Deku for their weekly get together on Friday nights.

But for anything involving Momo's presence, there will always be a "sorry i have a mission that week", "sorry im visiting my mom", "sorry Endeavor needs to see me about the agency"

... all excuses Bakugou knows, but the others pay no mind. They are rising heroes near the top of the billboard by now

month 48. Wedding day.

she's stunning. Gorgeous. A near goddess walking down the aisle on her big day.

but she's not walking down for him. No its for iida.

there was the ceremony, the cheers, the congratulations, the reception. Fairy lights around the dance floor and along the walls, champagne glittering after the sound of a cork

Todoroki stands off to against the wall as the night dies down, a glass in hand, watching the newly weds grace the dance floor.

someone slides up beside him, he feels the presence. Bakugou.

"She's beautiful isnt she?"

"Yeah."

. . .

a star tear falls from Todoroki's eyes, twinkle hidden among the fairy lights and champagne glitter.

she's beautiful, but maybe its a good thing I can't see

somebody said: what if she knows everything that had happened and the reason why he couldn't continue his career is bc of her?

me: ok you’re asking for it

Momo, 3 months pregnant with iimomo baby, announces with Iida the news to their friends

the soon to be parents want to choose godparents for the baby so Iida gets to choose the baby’s godmother and Momo gets to choose the godfather

and ofc along with the announcement Momo asks Todoroki to be the kid’s godfather

he can’t say no to her.

the same week later Todo and Momo's agencies are requested to deal with this one villain case while Ingenium's agency deals with another in another town (later turns out the cases were connected)

small talk, civil, very professional between Momo and Todo when they’re in the debriefing

at this point Todo's pretty much completely blind and uses some special contact lenses from Hatsume to help "see"

but the contact lenses can only do so much as to detect light movement and shadows and it reallllllllly doesnt work well when he's using his fire

so Todo already had tossed around the idea of running away to the mountains like Roy did in the FMA 2003 ending, "mysteriously" retiring bc really his vision cannot keep up

until this last mission with Momo

and really its been nearly a decade now since they last worked together side by side (not since U.A. he thinks).. so just let the blind man be selfish one last time

and so smth smth missiom happens, Todo and Momo fighting side by side

but Momo senses there’s something off with Todo's movements? His reflexes are slower.. it doesnt seem like he's prediciting the opponents moves like he used to.. he's more so reacting and retaliating than attacking..

she chalks it up to that they havent fought side by side in a long time and his style must’ve changed and really, she doesnt know him anymore... not like she used to

smth smth 3 months pregnant Momo gets hurt, knocked unconscious for a bit

Todo saves her

and when she comes to, while Todo's holding her, star tears fall onto her cheek from Todo's eyes.

She's shocked. Reaches up to gently graze a finger tip at his left cheek.

"Todoroki-san, these are?"

and again its like Todo didnt realize he was crying. He jerks away from her hand and brushes her off with "its nothing”. Changes the subject with "are you ok?"

Momo: yes.. i think so

Todo: and the baby?

Momo, sitting up: we're ok I think

Todo, moving away: good

the mission concludes and they meet up with Ingenium’s group to wrap up the two ends. Todo slips away before Iida and Momo and approach him

theres no activity from Todoroki for the next month

neither Iida, Deku or anyone else in 1A know where he went except the Hero Association's vague comment on "Hot Cold Hero Shouto has taken a sudden indefinite hiatus"

(Only Todo’s family knows and Endeavor asked the Association to say "hiatus" instead of "retirement" bc Enji wants to believe in his son making a comeback. He didnt stop Shouto from taking off)

and ofc Momo upon hearing this is so confused??? Her last mission with him was the last time she saw him and he was crying. Why was he crying? Strange star tears twinkling and landing on her cheeks? What even is that phenomenon?

its too many questions and ofc Momo's gonna investigate. For the sake of her friend.

so she digs up all the texts she can find on star tears. Internet search all the possibilities. Consults the doctors at the hospital. Even asks Tenya if Todoroki has been acting strangely during their weekly catch ups.

but Tenya tells her Todoroki hasnt been the the meet ups since after their wedding

so she asks anyone in their pro hero circle of associates she can think of. Tsukiyomi, Burnin', heros from his agency, anyone she can think of that has worked with Todoroki before and could comment on his behaviour

no body knows. No body noticed anything different either. Sure there were some off days but the Hot Cold Hero Shouto was always on his game being one of the top 3 heroes on the billboard charts

she searches and searches, splitting time interviewing colleagues and researching the possible star tears phenomenon

until eventually her search takes her to...

Bakugou.

Of course.

Momo, pleading: please Bakugou, you know something about him dont you?

Bakugou, who at this point had been very careful trying not to get cornered knowing her investigation: save it pony tail, you’re about to have a baby. Go have people harass you about that brat in your oven instead of harassing other people

Momo, nearly begging: please. You and I both know he's strong and a good hero that would not suddenly retire. Whatever he is doing, he might need help.. please tell me Bakugou.

... theres something about pregnant women that you cant say no to.

Bakugou, relenting: tch. The half ass is somewhere in Yokohama

and thats all she needs nearly running waddling (as fast as a pregnant woman could) out the door

Bakugou, calling out after her, still reluctant: when find that half ass, i suggest you throw him a gift. Literally. Throw it at him. He deserves it.

she finds him along the port, watching the sunset in Yokohama (its really not that hard to find someone with heterochromia and two tone hair in a city, especially if youre a hero that knows what methods heroes will use to go incognito)

and for some inkling of a feeling, Momo takes Bakugou's advice. She has a carton of strawberry milk in hand.

Momo, a few feet away from him: Todoroki-san, it's been a while.

Todo, turning his head in her direction: Yaoyorozu...?

Momo, sadly smiling: the sunset is beautiful here isnt it?

Todo, brows furrowing: .. sure. Yaoyorozu what are you doing here--

Momo, interrupting him: --i brought some snacks. Strawberry milk, you liked this while we were in school right? Catch.

she tosses it at him.

he tries to reach out.

But he'es completely off. And misses

Momo, sad: Todoroki-san. You're blind, arent you?

Todo, guilty: ah.

Momo, tearing up: will you please tell me?

he still can say no to her and confesses his story

and when he's finished telling the tale of star tears, the stars above are twinkling too

she's crying and choking and sobbing through tears and its intensified by baby Iida with pregnancy hormones

But the last thing she manages to croak out at the very least is still wholly her

She apologizes

“Im so sorry Todoroki- san. I cant love you that way.”

“I know.”

END NOTES:

red is the last color Todoroki wanted to lose because it reminds him of Momo

during missions, as long as he could see her, “that’s ok” he thought. she is the only one he sees in color. that is okay with him

to him, Momo is his shining star. And there’s something tragically poetic of him losing his sight to the stars if its for his shining star Momo

He leaves the last stars in a tiny little jar like those paper stars as a gift for her with just the words on a note "goodbye Momo" the day after she finds him in Yokohama

Momo has the jar of stars forever on her bedside and looks at them with this melancholy expression. Baby Iida grows up and asks mom: "what is that jar of stars?"

Momo responds: "a gift from someone that was blinded by love"

Bakugou in this timeline had a case of star tears too but I'd like to think he got his feelings requited so he never went blind to contrast Todo

So thats why Baku is (begrudgingly) sympathetic to Todo cuz he thinks: “that could’ve been me”

The ending shot of a blind Todoroki in a dark room, all alone, eyes closed, thinking back to Momo's shining smile from UA surrounded by star light with a sad smile on his face and it fades to black

> archives masterpost

#todomomo #todoroki shouto #momo yaoyorozu #tdmm star tear au #ruiyukis unfinished aus #sorry not sorry #for spamming the tag #this ones my baby #angst angst baby #oops heres a bandaid for your heart #buckle up yall it just gets worse from here

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bma-2020 · 5 years ago

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Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out.#illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

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karrova · 5 years ago

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okay i need to talk about some things. tonight i had my workshop for class, a workshop that i was extremely distraught about, i felt that i’d put way too much of myself in the piece i submitted and i felt like it was really going to hurt me to hear people talk about the things that were wrong with it. and what the fuck, i went and i was the last story our professor wanted to talk about and i was fucking shaking the entire time and he just fucking read word for word what i wrote and and talked about how smart and emotionally honest it was and idk wtf. three people sent me their responses over email and they said that it was their favorite piece they’ve read all semester. i’m just idk. i just dont understand.

and after my workshop was finished my professor said “i’d like to talk to you two after class” and pointed at me and my best friend. and everyone left and we started talking and he told us we’ve been producing phenomenal work and that we should be taking graduate classes and that he was going to talk to some of the graduate teachers about getting us into one of their classes which is just like wtf? and he was talking about graduate school and how he’s there for us with whatever we need and like two days ago i was like okay I'm going to put off grad school but now wtf am i supposed to do??

i dont know what i’m supposed to do. on one hand i’m like i want to take year off and just like pick a few places to go live in for months at a time, like spend two months in rome, move on to somewhere else and do the same, maybe spend a few months in chicago because i love it there so much. i dont know. i’d just like to leave this place for a while but at the same time, how realistic is that? i cant just take a year off and read and write and travel. where’s the money for that coming from? also the terror of not going to grad school and then getting trapped in my home, stagnant, working a job i hate just to have something to do with my time sounds like utter hell and i cannot do that. that’s what terrifies me most about putting it off, and i know it’s only a year but i’ve been so miserable now and i have a lot going on a lot of distractions, and then who knows what cycles of misery i might fall into.

going to grad school would mean certainty which is something i’ve desperately been trying to find recently. i’ve been so utterly uncertain about everything in my life recently. idk. i just can’t understand this. i dont get it. there’s so much upheaval in my life recently, i just want something stable finally, i want something to cling to and i dont have that. i dont know. i just can’t believe this is happening. i dont understand why things are happening like this? i cant find any semblance of meaning or comfort or idk idk what i’m looking for.

and beyond this i’m obviously so lucky and fortunate to have this professor who i’ve looked up to for so long come to me and tell me that he’s there with whatever i need from him. i dont know. i love him. im so lucky to have him as my teacher and to have him believe in me. belief in other people is fucking weird. im lucky to have his belief but it doesnt feel real.

also, how am i supposed to be a writer when i hate the idea of myself existing outside of myself. i hate knowing that people out there can think of me and have thoughts of me. i dont like knowing that i’m a real person and that’s all writing is, it’s sharing yourself, even if it’s not really yourself, there’s always some part of you in there. i dont know if i can handle doing that. i was actually shaking when they did my workshop because of how uncomfortable i was. and he started reading it line by line? i dont know. i dont know.

maybe i go abroad and teach english somewhere, that’s always an option right? for a year? fuck and then i think about having to leave the people i love and i cant let myself because the pain of knowing we’ll have to be separated is unbearable. i just cannot even comprehend it yet, and i dont know what that means for when the time actually comes to separate and let go. fuck

i dont know. there’s way too much pressure put on people to achieve society's idea of success. it’s way too much and it’s fucking unfair. i’m shocked that people dont understand that. i guess life isn’t fair in general but it really should be a little easier, i dont care what anyone says.

at least i have bjork, and rilke, and keats, and anne, and anaïs, and darl and jewel, and townes, and william, and tabitha and mary and hunter, and jack, and michael and chloe and sonja, and mike and ryan, and chad even though we havent spoken in a while and there’s a strange distance that’s painful to think about. and i have my family and my sweet puppy dog turner. the other day my dad asked me if i was happy and said that i didnt seem happy. and i lied and i told him i just had a lot of work and i was tired. and i wonder why i did that. i have so many chances to tell people how i feel and that i’m not okay and i always choose to lie and i really wonder why i do that. i did a psychedelic drug in early august and the entire time after the initial first few hours i kept trying to figure out why i am the way i am and i cant fucking figure it out, i couldn't then and i cant now, but i can see all these walls i put up and i can recognize all the times i lie and withhold to keep myself from releasing any part of myself out into the world.

i understand this must sound strange considering i’m writing this horrendously long and in depth post about my entire mental state and well being on the internet where anyone can read it but the distance between myself and the people who follow me here is just far enough to where i can feel supported or at least listened to without feeling invaded and exposed. i dont know if that makes sense.

i really dont know much of anything anymore.

even with all of this out i still dont feel like the mess inside of me is any less messy. my heart is tangled.

please do not reblog

#personal #long post #do not reblog #please #idk why you would #but just dont.#i already feel better having written it out #for the time being #i dont know

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iceamericanoventi · 6 years ago

Text

Love Will Find a Way, Well, Eventually : 2. In Between

“Where are you going?”

If it was inside Cartoon Network’s universe, everyone must be able to see the smoke fuming from both his nostrils and ears. Jinki looks beyond distressed when he’s lifting his ass from the chair. No one on the table was his partner, but Minho decided to throw some ridiculous question then played dumb as if he didn’t just ask one.

“Should I have number one here?”

He started getting irked, but that doesn’t stay long until Kibum casually munched his breadstick while spluttering his witty comments as usual, “Surely Taemin would be delightful.”

Taemin who didn’t do anything almost chocked himself with a piece of tomato and kicked Kibum’s shin under the table, eventually.

“Promise me you won’t run away?”

Dumbfounded, Jinki emptied his pocket and almost smashed the table with his belonging.

“Are you my husband? Here’s my wallet. And my phone!” and with that, he left the other three men finishing their meal.

“Is he always in this temper?”

Lee Taemin gave him another look, pleading him not to embarrass them further, but Kibum just shrugged and muttered ‘I’m just asking’ under his nose.

“He was mad with me since this afternoon. Plus, he has lots of stuffs to think about these days. But don’t worry, he never really got mad unless you disturb his nap.”

“What is he? A bear?”

“Yaa! Kim Kibum!”

Minho couldn’t help but laugh to the scene happened before his eyes. Taemin is famous for being friendly and very expressive only if you know him, even if he’s talkative. To penetrate his bubble is very hard at first, but this man sitting across him, he seems like he’s already inside that bubble since the very beginning. He really is someone closed to him. Kibum looks mesmerizing, even in his grumbling nature. The oversize sweater wrapped his lithe build perfectly.

A phone call arrived to Kibum's phone, he picked it up frantically and excused himself to take it outside.

"What do you think?"

“Eh?” Minho doesn’t even realized he got his eyes entailed Kibum’s silhouette until it disappear by the entrance door.

“You seemed in trance. I know Kibum is beautiful but I didn’t expect you’ll be this amazed with my friend,” Taemin’s sipping his wine, a smirk is very apparent in his devious face.

“I guess it’s safe to say that you’re not a liar.”

Minho reopened his mouth few minutes after he’s assured that Kibum’s not going back any soon. Taemin is not ecstatic, sometimes he wondered if Minho has a decent sense of humor of a friend.

“For your information, I’m not and never been. I’m the most honest person you’ve ever encountered in your life.”

“Everyone in this room knows that’s not true.”

“Whatever. I might know my ways deceiving people, but I never lie to my friend.”

“Did you just admit that you’re lying here and there, Lee Taemin?”

Taemin rolls his eyes, again, probably for the nth times already this evening. Without Jinki around, he can be more relaxed on throwing his tantrum on Minho.

“Choi Minho, people lies at some certain points of their life. Get over it.”

He gulped down the rest of his wine, Taemin then called a waiter near them to bring him another one.

“Kibum seems nice. He sounds smart.”

“Sounds? Did you even listen to yourself? No writer is not smart, Choi. Moreover, someone who’s been writing the past decade!”

“I only know him for one night. Who knows he’s just acting?”

“Dude, not everyone is an asshole like you.”

“An asshole wouldn’t agree to bring his best friend along in front of a psychopath like you.”

Taemin snorted and Minho’s smirk reappeared on his face.

“That is literally what a psycho would do, selling their friend for their own benefits.”

Minho wiped his mouth before washed down the dinner with cold water, “And that’s exactly what Jinki accused me for. You two shared a brain or what?”

“Any sane people would say the same, Honey,” this time Taemin’s smirk that made the other scoffed, “By the way, what’s the deal with Jinki? He looks like he’s been sitting on thorny cushion the whole dinner!”

Minho knows Taemin would ask such question eventually. However, he couldn’t say that Jinki hates the whole dinner date plan, it’s impossible. Besides that, knowing him for years, Jinki really is an angel in disguise, well, at least when he’s in the mood.

“People have different, what should I say, defense mechanism? And that’s how he is. What kind of person who talked nonstop during their first meeting, anyway?”

“Oh, I don’t know, me?”

“That’s why you’re a freak.”

“A freak who introduced you to your potentially next boyfriend.”

“Ha. Point taken,” Minho raised his hand to ask for the dessert, “Jinki is just not the type of person who will talk a lot and open up in a second. But I guarantee you, he’s a good person. Sometimes a little bit care too much for other at certain time so probably being brazen is his forte.”

“That reminds me of someone.”

Taemin and Kibum spent their high school days together. Separated for some years due to works and educations, their relationship’s all well maintained. They understand each other, including Kibum’s nature to always put others before him at any given situation.

“Appearance wise, though, what do you think about Jinki?”

“Choi Minho, I’m not a teenager anymore. Judging people around by its cover is no longer my habit.”

“But a designer like you must love a beautiful package, don’t they?”

“Well, to be honest, his lips and eyes itself could get me floored in one glance.”

“I knew it.”

“You’re a famous photographer for a reason.”

***

Cold wind slapped Kibum’s cheeks lightly when he pushed the door and parched to the corner near the valet post.

“Okay, now you can speak. Sorry, I don’t know why the reception wasn’t good enough inside.”

“Then I’ll be frankly here. There’s a possibility for making the special edition for the short story collection. But then, we’re still short of two stories at the moment.”

“Wait, wait, but we already have nine! I finished writing nine! Why should I add another two?”

“The publisher agreed to the preposition for at least twelve stories. You should be grateful I could pitch one less story!”

Kibum looks like he’s about to punch anyone passed within radius one meter around him, but nothing in reach besides a huge pot of short palm tree and concrete wall. And he needs his hand to finish his books still.

“But, Amber. Page wise, those are more than enough to make two new books. Are they out of their mind?”

There’s a loud groan banging on his ear drum came from the other line, “Dude, I almost flipped the table when I was at the meeting you have no idea. The board has new man and that guy is a pain in the ass.”

“Would it change the circumstance if I talked to them by myself?”

“Since when do they have time to talk to the writer directly? We’re head to head with bunch of snobs here, did you forget?”

“I should had not agree to let them touched my writings. Now we’re about to face dead end.”

It was a dream to work along this publisher. It was Kibum’s dream since he started writing when he took gap year after graduated high school. And as if it’s a fate, it was the only publisher agreed with his graphic novel concept five years he climbed his career professionally.

“Listen, Kibum. When I met you years ago, I promised I’ll work my ass hard to help you publishing your books. Not because I knew you, it’s because you’re good. You’re amazing writer and I’m not giving up easily. And neither you. Not when anybody can tell that you’re a gem.”

“I haven’t written any book since last year, Amber. I’m in a slump. Writer’s block is not even describing my bad luck at the moment.”

“Honey, you haven’t written any because you’re currently waiting two books released. And if I could do my magic, another one in, let’s say, six months.”

“If I could make up some words into another story within two weeks. If you could convince them to give me mercy.”

“Did you just know me yesterday?”

Kibum’s tired giving sane response, “What do you mean?”

“I’m waiting their secretary to call me in ten minutes. We’re going to discuss some new deals and I’ll make sure one of them is going to be your new nine stories book.”

“I actually have no idea if I don’t have you as my editor slash manager slash friend slash personal ranting partner slash whatever you want to be.”

“Rockstar. That would be cool.”

“You’re going to be a kick ass one to be honest.”

“I bet. Anyway, expect another call from me in the next couple hours. I’m sorry, but tonight we might need video call to resolve some issues.”

“I hate you for confiscating my time but you’re the best.”

“As always, ain’t I?”

The phone call ends already, but he still forlornly looking at his phone’s screen. With that, Kibum remembers all the works he needs to catch up for tonight. With that, he can put aside all the unnecessary anxiety and tension of tonight’s stupid match making session.

He took a glance of his watch and could only sighed, he better hurried inside to his dessert. The faster he finished, the sooner he can hit home and face the real deal. His deadlines.

Two steps away from the entrance however, he caught a familiar face sitting by themselves, staring to the busy street in front of the restaurant.

“Jinki?” he carefully calling the man, “Lee Jinki, right?”

The later tilted his head to the right and gave Kibum a simple smile, didn’t realize it dropped Kibum’s heart by the bottom of his gut.

“Aren’t you cold?”

Everyone would agree this winter is even harsher than last year’s. Jinki just lifted his left hand to make sure Kibum saw a cigarette slipped between his fingers, “Can I sit here?”

Jinki chuckles, “Aren’t you cold?”

Listening to the same question he threw a minute ago, he just rolled his eyes and took a place next to the other man.

“I’m waiting a phone call.”

“Important?”

“Kinda.”

Jinki blew some smoke out, “Hmm, I guess so. You sounded pretty upset over there.”

“Did I scream that loud?!”

“In my opinion? No. but a girl flinched and buzzed off rather hastily, so, you tell me.”

When he saw Kibum’s gaping like a fish in frantic expression, Jinki has no choices beside laughed again, surprising Kibum who’s quite convinced with his aloof personalities.

“I didn’t know you have so many jokes in store.”

“You learn something new every day.”

“Your face doesn’t show.”

“What about my face?”

“It’s handsome but with that attitude inside, seems like you’re the type who woke up at the wrong side of the bed every single morning and could kill someone annoys you at any time.”

“Well, to be fair, I did wake up in the wrong side of my bed this morning. But it’s because a certain dog occupied half of my blanket so I couldn’t disturb her.”

“You have a dog?!”

Kibum’s face lit up thousand times as if he just won some lottery. Strangely, it warms Jinki’s heart. No, scratch that, it would warm any heart, Jinki tried to generalize the situation.

“I don’t, unfortunately. She belongs to my friend. I’m taking care of her while he’s travelling abroad. Her father will pick her up this weekend.”

“Ah, too bad. We could have play date with my boys.”

“I’ll make sure to give you a call when I decided to adopt one later.”

“Do you think my invitation hasn’t expired yet by that time?”

“A man can only dream, can’t he?”

Kibum’s laughter is muffled by his own palm covering his mouth.

“Let’s go inside, you must be shivering.”

“But your cigarette?”

Kibum’s half stuttered caught red handed, Jinki already pressed the half-done cigarette on the sand bowl on his left, “I can always have another one at home. Besides, I doubt you would go inside without me dragging you along.”

Kibum thanked the universe that the place is not well lit, so he could hide the blush creeping his cheeks. Unfortunately, Jinki has a very good eye sight.

***

“Is my baby being a good girl when daddy’s away?”

Jinki scoffed when the man just entered his living room just literally threw his suitcase aside and scooped the little dachshund running toward his embrace. He gathered the suitcase and poor leather bag on the floor and placed it neatly near the saffron color couch.

The man later dropped himself next to Jinki who’s lounged himself there, checking his phone halfheartedly.

“Minho texted me the other day.”

“Why did he keep texting you?”

The man with dark grey hair didn’t catch the frown hanging on Jinki’s face and buried his face to the dog’s belly, making him groaned again. He lightly pushed the dog further and toppled his head on the other man’s laps.

The dog owner realized something’s happened when he’s not around. He put the dog on the ground and tapped her butt to send her back to her small bed near the pantry.

“Minho has my number and I have his name in my contact list. He can text me whenever he wants. Still jealous?”

Jinki closed his eyes when he started playing with his hair, “He’s still one of the reasons we broke up.”

“Baby, the only reason we broke up is because neither of us didn’t want to succumb into marriage. Minho was just a handsome face happened on the wrong time.”

“I have no idea why I still befriend him when it’s clear he wanted to shove his face to yours, all the damn time.”

“And I have no idea that you’re this type who holds the grudge for a long time. We were already out of relationship back then.”

“Still, a friend wouldn’t openly chase after their friend’s ex.”

“A friend wouldn’t, but a best friend would.”

“Whatever.”

He almost lost his control and slapped Jinki’s head of him, “Oh, come on. What’s bothering you this time?”

“Nothing.”

“Bullshit. It’s written all over your face the second I saw you behind the door. And I’m pretty sure it’s not because my daughter misbehaved while I’m on my annual pediatric conference.”

Jinki sighed, nothing he could really hide it from the other man. Since they were in their almost five years relationship, since they became best friends around three years prior.

“Minho invited me for a dinner night.”

“Wow, fancy,” actually Minho already texted him about the dinner a bit, how he wanted to introduce Jinki to some acquaintance he has, “He gave up on me so he went for the only option?”

“For the record, your mom agreed that I’m way much sexier than you.”

“Three years ago, before your cheek bones buried under those mount of fluffy fat.”

“Said a man who came to me and straight ahead told me I looked cute after leaving a piece of paper with their number on my table.”

“I will put aside the fact that I love how romantic you’re for still remembering our first meeting but let’s back to the right path here because I don’t like the upset you. It’s fucking annoying.”

“He introduced me to someone, Jonghyun.”

He let out inaudible gasp and thanked the universe Jinki’s still closing his eyes. Otherwise, he would stop at once and avoided any discussion of the main reason which distressed his ex-boyfriend. Knowing the scenario before hands didn’t prevent him with the sheer pain graze him when it came from Jinki’s mouth himself.

“So? Isn’t that great? Do you think it’s about time?”

“I was about to argue that two years are still not enough to get over you but I guess you’re not in the same page with me so I’d say that I’m not interested into some relationship whatsoever at this point.”

Jonghyun wanted to cry listening to such words. His heart clenched, he inhaled – a very long one – before he continued caressing Jinki’s forehead.

“I am flattered, but I know you’re just teasing me.”

“Ha, you know me so well.”

“I’m not gonna fall on the same hole, Lee.”

“You won’t. You’re too smart to repeat the torture on the loop.”

“It wasn’t a torture, Jinki. I love you as much as you do. Or maybe just slightly more.”

“Not a chance. I love you more.”

“Stop it or I will kiss you.”

“I dare you.”

“I told you I’m not gonna fall on the same hole.”

“Smart, very smart,” Jinki opened his eyes only to find Jonghyun sticking his tongue out, “Okay, so at first, I don’t like the idea already. You know I hate any type of match making method. Even the online one. But being there, I realized that my current focus doesn’t involved other party besides me, my business, and—“

“And your grandfather?”

Jinki looks annoyed, “Remind me to add ‘always-cutting-people-sentence’ on the list of reasons why I broke up with you when I’m writing my journal tonight.”

“It’s true. I think he was also the cock blocker during our relationship back then.”

“Dude, we’re talking about my gramps. And to put him on the same category with Minho is beyond weird.”

“We already broke up when Minho made his move, for Pete’s sake!”

“Okay, okay! No need to raise your voice, you’re so scary when you’re angry.”

“Then don’t make me! Now, now, can you please be a normal human being so we can talk like adults for once?”

Jinki pulled himself from the couch to the pantry, snatching a pack of cigarette on the tea table before slipped one on the corner of his mouth.

“Can you not smoking inside?”

He snorted and padded to the direction of his balcony. It’s in the middle of winter but he doesn’t care a bit to the wind ready to slaughter his bones. If tomorrow the cold prevented him to leave the bed, then let it be. For once, he just wants to free his mind from the business.

“You need to remember that I can only treat patient on certain age,” Jonghyun followed few minutes after with a blanket he spread as wide as possible to cover both of them without feeling suffocated for standing too close.

“The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends people be under pediatric care up to the age of 21, though.”

“Did you just quote Wikipedia? And we’re not in fucking States! Above and beyond, shame on your wrinkles!”

“Rude.”

“You’re the rude one to your lungs!”

“Then tell me how to ease my mind without nicotine! Tell me how to forget all those troubled night and just sleep! Do you think it’s easy taking care of worrisome business and messy family without distraction?! Stop talking non sense if you do know how to save my days!”

Any word seems taboo once Jinki exploded. Both man just staring into the dark evening below Jinki’s unit. People paraded as quickly as possible on the street to fight the harsh weather. It’s not that late, but only few cars passed by. The dim light of the street lamp’s soothing the tense atmosphere in a way.

Jonghyun leaned closer to Jinki’s arm and rested his head on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you with that.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“You know that you can always talk to me right?”

“I’m tired bothering you. You already have a lot in your hands.”

“Besides my patients and Roo, there’s nothing really confiscated my time.”

Having someone like Jonghyun who would stand next to him, scold him then hug him right after, no matter how awful he behaved and treated the other man, Jinki every so often thinking what kind of good deeds he did in his previous life.

Jinki cocked his head, inhaling the trace of scent of Jonghyun’s favorite shampoo. Initially, he was about to kiss the top of his head, like he used to do when the other man leaned on him for whatever reason it was. He remember, though, the earlier period after their broke up – after settling their feelings for few months of course – the shorter man told him not to do that anymore because it was the doctor’s Achilles heel. So instead, he rubs his cheek over the thick hair, silently telling Jonghyun he’s sorry.

Some nights – especially right after that dinner date – he had thought, maybe one of the reason he reprimands Minho’s idea is just because he still has tiny hope that Jonghyun and him might had another chance in the future.

“From time to time, I was thinking that the more day passed, we’re closer to the image of friends with benefit.”

“Friends with benefit? Tsk,” Jonghyun slapped his forearm, “The only benefit I got from you is you’re the only perfect nanny for Roo when I’m away.”

“Those cups of coffee every single time you stopped by my shop?”

“Pfft. How stingy. I’m leaving.”

“Heartless.”

Jonghyun didn’t say anything more and returned inside to gather his things and called Roo. He desperately needs some hot shower. Somewhere inside him, he was expecting Jinki offering him to stay the night knowing how caring the man and the fact Jinki knows he bolted to the other’s apartment right away after landed.

When Jinki handed him the leash, that hope vanished in second.

“What if later I really considered this person? Or any other person collided with me on the future?”

Jonghyun smiled, he looks tired, but very sincere, “Then good.”

“Because I’m not gonna bother you anymore?”

“No. Because you’ll have someone to share the happiness with.”

***

cross-posted in my AFF

#shinee fiction #shinee scenario #LWFAWWE

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edwad · 7 years ago

Note

If you had to choose 10 marxian econ books for someone who has only read marx, what would you recommend

by “marx” i have to assume you mean capital because that really is the root of “marxian econ”. it won’t suffice to just have read the manifesto or something like that and i don’t want to recommend books that will be saying things that you’re totally unfamiliar with because you’re skipping straight into the secondary literature which already largely assumes a reader which is familiar with capital. anyway, heres a list, which isnt in any particular order and which includes a few things that i’m still working through for myself:

1. essays on marxs theory of value - isaak rubin

hugely important book which essentially all value-form theory derives from. written by an extremely knowledgeable marx scholar who had a much better idea of what marx was doing in capital than most marxists today. last month brill published a book called “responses to marxs capital” which includes some of rubin’s other writings, most of them being published in english for the first time. hes a huge figure in the literature and definitely worth looking in to.

2. marx, capital, and the madness of economic reason - david harvey

i was obviously going to put something of harvey’s in here and i think his last book is a fairly good summary of the best of what hes done up to this point with some welcome additions (the visualization of capital, the stuff on anti-value, etc). not perfect but he definitely provides a good framework for how to understand the geography of capital which doesnt require necessarily agreeing with him on everything. honestly, if you keep up with harvey at all you’ll be able to tell that its mostly just typical harveyisms with the inclusion of some stuff from his recent talks (which have all been almost exactly the same).

3. in the long run we are all dead - geoff mann

maybe this looks more like a book on keynesian rather than marxian econ, but its real argument is that keynesianism as a long historical project (meaning long before and after keynes himself) has been an immanent critique of liberalism and revolution and that keynes is to us what hegel was to marx. a really great book that covers a lot of ground which isnt always explicitly economic, but definitely worth the read if you have the patience. if you want a longer review, i left a pretty lengthy one on amazon a few months ago where you can get a better idea of what i got from this book, what its limitations are, and why i think its so important.

4. monopoly capital - paul baran & paul sweezy

an older book which hasnt exactly aged well, but its thesis has become extremely popular again since the crisis. written by baran and sweezy, the fathers of “the monthly review school” of economics, its played a huge role in the direction of marxian debates from the 1960s up until today. the authors were both tending in the same intellectual direction in their earlier works (sweezy’s theory of capitalist development and baran’s political economy of growth, the former still being considered one of the best introductions to marxs work and its relevance to the 20th century, with much controversy of course) and this was the result of them coming together to talk about what they saw as a monopoly capitalism which was fairly different in character than the “competitive capitalism” of marx’s day and therefore had to be dealt with differently.

5. capitalism - anwar shaikh

probably the most ambitious work the left has seen in a long time which tries to thoroughly critique neoclassical theory and develop an alternative economics which is rooted in what shaikh calls the “classical” school (”classical-marxian” would probably be more appropriate but i think hes trying to downplay his reliance on marx). in it, shaikh takes a good look at many of the competing schools of thought (neoclassical, post-keynesian, sraffian/neo-ricardian, etc) and sees how they stand up analytically and empirically, taking issue with their underlying assumptions and the inevitable problems which arise from building a theory on false foundations.

one of his bigger points is that the neoclassical theory of “perfect competition” is nonsensical but wasnt thoroughly combatted by heterodox economists, who only made it so far as asserting the “imperfect” nature of competition, which, in shaikh’s eyes, is to simply add imperfections after the fact into the theory which necessarily begins with the absurd assumption of perfection. the book’s argument is that the theorists of “imperfect competition” still rely on the theory of “perfect competition” as their starting point and never really manage to escape the latter because they havent actually created an alternative way of thinking about competition, they’ve just inserted a complication into a theory which was a completely unrealistic assumption to begin with. much of his attack is directed at the monthly review school and the idea of a “monopoly capitalism” which is supposedly different in form than the allegedly “perfect competition” of capitalism during marxs life. in this sense, this book serves as a counterbalance to the MR approach and is also probably the most successful attempt at situating marxs TRPF within an empirical study of kondratiev waves.

hes also got a website with a bunch of resources and a lecture series from a course he did on the material in the book which is pretty interesting, but it assumes a good deal of familiarity with economics.

6. a history of marxian economics - michael howard & john king (2 volumes)

this is a pretty thorough history of the internal debates among marxian economists ever since the death of marx all the way up to 1990. it covers a lot of ground and doesnt shy away from controversies where marx didnt come out on top. of course, a good amount of this is subject to the interpretation of the authors and they definitely have a great deal of input, but its a very impressive work which i frequently use as a marxian encyclopedia of sorts.

7. the making of marx’s capital - roman rosdolsky

despite some problems, rosdolsky’s classic book on the development of marx’s critique of political economy is easily one of the most important marxological works ever written and it still holds a lot of sway. taking the grundrisse as its starting point, the author unpacks marx’s project and constantly asserts marx’s method and in particular his explicit reliance on hegel’s logic, pitting marx (as he was in his drafts) against the then contemporary thinkers and critics which were prone to misusing or misunderstanding the arguments in capital. as a disclaimer and partial criticism of rosdolsky’s portrait of marx, i dont believe that we can simply say that marx in the late 50s was identical to the marx of the 60s and 70s that wrote and published capital, but i also dont think that means we necessarily have to discount the grundrisse (or theories of surplus value, etc) simply because they werent written at precisely the right time for marxs thinking.

i only just got my own copy a couple of weeks ago so i cant say too much more but i have skimmed through chunks of the pdf and its totally unavoidable in the secondary literature so im not totally unfamiliar. its one i plan on tackling in full very soon.

8. moneybags must be so lucky - robert paul wolff

another marxological one, this tiny book is a literary analysis of capital and in particular the first part of volume 1. wolff does a great job of deconstructing the arguments in chapter 1 to try and clarify what marx is doing and why with a lot of humor and philosophical tangents. one of his biggest points is that marxs heavy reliance on irony was the only adequate way of capturing the contradictory nature of capitalism and is therefore part of the theory itself, rather than simply being a way to dress up the theory and make it more palatable to readers. i approached this book after id already “read marx” too, but it was extremely useful because it wasnt until i read it that i finally started to actually understand marx. for that reason, i dont feel particularly bad about recommending it to anyone thats already familiar with capital because it does a great job of making the most difficult part of volume 1 infinitely more exciting and comprehensible – especially since its never enough to just read capital once.

9. the production of commodities by means of commodities - piero sraffa

against my better judgement, i’m putting this on the list knowing full-well that i’m going to be harassed by an anon which has been on my ass for about a year now ever since i first recommended sraffa’s book in a reading list despite the fact that ive never finished it (barely even read it to be more precise). i do, however, know that its had a huge influence on the trajectory of marxian thought since 1960 and that many of the thinkers are still trying to recover from the theoretical displacement implicit in sraffa’s thesis.

its a math-heavy book (which is why i havent been able to wade through it) and its status as a work coming from the “marxian” approach is hotly contested, but its certainly had its way with the marxian school (not to mention the neoclassical school, which has an easier time simply ignoring sraffa entirely), generating countless debates among scholars, many of whom simply wish that this book had never been written. for a short summary of the debate and whats apparently at stake, ive got an old post where i worked out some of the initial responses to sraffa and how this has snowballed into the controversy that it is today. ive got it on this list because of how unavoidable it is. you cant go into the secondary literature at anything resembling an intermediate level without knowing sraffa’s name and why everyone feels so strongly about him.

10. an introduction to the three volumes of karl marxs capital - michael heinrich

i dont quite like that im ending this list with a book that presents itself as an “introduction” when we’ve already established that this is a bunch of recommendations for someone thats already acquainted with capital, but sadly this is the only full-length book that heinrich has in the english language and its reading of capital is so unorthodox that it feels totally alien against all the traditional interpretations of marx. honestly, it doesnt feel like an introduction in the first place, reading more like a challenge and an intervention into the secondary debates about what marx is saying in capital which derives from the german debates which constitute the parameters for the “neue marx-lekture”, or “the new reading of marx”, which sits uncomfortably among the more typical marxisms that surround it on all sides, especially among non-german theorists/readers.

as far as the dominant reading of marx goes, nearly everything this book says betrays marx’s project, but heinrich knows marx very well, better than most of us (as even his biggest critics readily admit). this may be considered reflective of a “new reading”, but that doesnt mean the old ones are any better or that this one is necessarily a “revisionist” project as many claim (or at least, i wouldnt consider it to be revising marx even if its guilty of revising “marxism”, which is by no means necessarily a bad thing). on the contrary, i think heinrich has the best understanding of marx out of pretty much everyone else right now and thats why i wanted to end with this one. yes, you should read all of the others, especially since you cant understand the way we read and think about marx without coming across the work of people like sraffa and sweezy, but that doesnt really change the fact that heinrich points to a big problem with the way we read and think about marx, that the debates have been getting it wrong all along and largely misunderstanding marxs actual project, miscontextualizing it and falling into dogmatism for various political or academic reasons.

what heinrich does is to show how the way marx is read and interpreted often misses or downplays the most crucial elements of what marx is actually trying to get across. marxs critique of political economy simply gets converted into a newer, more correct political economy which simply builds on the classical school (shaikh), or it suffers in the hands of those that believe its foundations need to be updated as if it isnt all that relevant anymore (sweezy and baran), or that many of its categories are lacking utility and can simply be done away with (sraffa). rubin’s work plays a big part in establishing the NML reading and harvey draws on heinrich’s scholarship a lot, but nobody really does it as well as heinrich himself and i genuinely think hes lightyears ahead of everyone else. a lot of people are starting to agree and i was one of the most recent converts on the heinrich hype train which has been growing for the last couple of years.

any day now, we should be getting one of his older books, the science of value, in english and i plan on devouring it as fast as i can, but sadly its been in limbo for several years, with its initial release scheduled for 2014 (if i remember correctly). in the mean time though, we’ve only got his introduction to capital and a bunch of shorter pieces/videos.

so i guess thats my list of 10 things to read after marx with some explanations on why i think theyre important, culminating in ideologically correct heinrich-worship. this was sorta fun and if you have any other questions feel free to ask.

#communism

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majorasnightmare · 4 years ago

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personal

hate how im losing speech daily, hate how my brain is constantly short circuiting once im home from work to the extent that i cant even talk to my partner at all, hate how ive been in an extended mental breakdown for months now, hate that my living situation excaberates all of my worst symptoms of all my neurodivergencies, hate hate hate that instead of getting better everything just gets worse

i go weeks on end without any form of stress relief while everything gets exponentially worse, my brain is so fried i cant even watch tv anymore because the level of under stimulation physically hurts, and i no longer have the mental strength to maintain my focus on anything. if theres a show on or a sudden sound or sudden movement, my brain blue screens and im unable to do anything else

im solely responsible financially for three cats i didnt ask for (even if i love them to pieces) and because of that none of them have been to the vet or gotten fixed, which means the two females have to be seperated from our male, which means they sleep in mine and my partners room. and one of them wakes me up every two hours on the dot trying to tip over my partners 50 inch flatscreen he got as a gift from a now disowned relative that we cant afford to replace. i havent slept longer than 3 hours at a time for months plural

my body is breaking down on me at a pace i cant recover from with constant shooting leg pains and constant arm and shoulder pain that makes it difficult for me to move. on top of that 3 weeks ago i went for an emergency dentist visit for tooth pain and i have to somehow schedule and pay for two removals, two subsequent bone grafts and implants, and four crowns. and im trying to schedule more xrays but the office never calls me back even when they say they will so i end up waiting weeks to have enough free time to actually call them because of my work schedule

im constantly hysterical, im constantly exhausted, im constantly in pain, im constantly sleep deprived, and my workload increases exponentially. my partners mother expects the two of us to end a summer infestation without using bug spray or calling in exterminators. she expects us to tear the whole house apart cleaning with broken worn down bodies and then keep going to work for 8 hour shifts in jobs without air conditioning in 90 degree weather surrounded by asphalt, where we are constantly on our feet, where her job is mostly deskwork in an air conditioned office with occasional bouts of admittedly back breaking cleaning.

im no longer capable of relieving my own stress by any coping method i have available. it feels like my brain is rotting in my skull. i cant focus on anything. the amount of effort its taking to write this post is insane. everything is tv static and misery and im so suicidal im genuinely alarmed. im so miserable and so relief deprived that i cant bring myself to find any reason to continue existing in this torture. i cant even get any relief from my partner anymore.

any attempt at stress relief that i dont have to manage or be responsible for is sabotaged by my hysteria and anxiety, further denying me any chance to recover emotionally and worsening my emotional state.

im breaking down daily. im losing my ability to formulate sentences and coherent thoughts daily. im losing my ability to leave the bed daily. im only able to eat one meal a day. i havent been able to shower for months because my body is so run down that i cant go through the sensory load of standing in my narrow cramped tub while scratchy clingy shower curtains stick to me, just to force myself to scrub my body and wash my hair, only for the experience of washing my hair to be so nightmarishly bad it causes another breakdown and i go into overload. ive had to rely on wet washcloths, wet wipes, dry shampoo and deodorant for so long im scared itll make me sick, but im physically incapable of standing in a shower and going through that, even if someone else does it for me. the sensations inherent to showering are so god awful that i cant power through it. im scared its gonna make me sick and my only saving grace is that its difficult for my body to sweat in high heat, and while it makes me more prone to heat stroke, it keeps me from getting too dirty and gross

my parthers mother agreed to foster sugar gliders, who are very sensitive to cold temperatures, and so the whole apartment is forbidden from using the ac. in aforementioned asphalt surrounded 90 degree weather. our window doesnt have a screen, so because we keep the two cats in our room we cant open the window. we cant keep our door open because the cats have to be seperated. our room is consistently the hottest room in the house, with differences in temp being 10+ degrees between our room and the living room directly outside it

i cant talk to anyone. i dont have the energy to form sentences or maintain a conversation. im a ghost in every group chat im in. i cant string words together enough to even indulge my special interests or hyperfixations. i cant focus on them enough to enjoy them. i cant focus on my games or my own thoughts. i cant string my thoughts together enough to participate in any of my creative outlets. all my energy is devoted towards work and then to cleaning, and i am a hollow scraped out shell of a person for it. the one thing in this world that has deep comforting spiritual and philisophical importance to me, food and the making and sharing of it, has been reduced to barely registering to my body. it tastes like ash and dust to me now and i dont even want to eat it anymore.

ive lost everything that keeps me going while my living situation tries its damnedest to wring every last drop of energy out of me

my life is a living hell and i just want it to stop

#tw for a lot of mental illness stuff #lots of potentially triggering stuff in here #im so brain fried rn i cant figure out how to tag things properly #im sorry

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askullandbones · 7 years ago

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Hi, thx so much... ugh, where do I start? I hope this doesnt seem too open or anything. Basically, Ive been having some problems with my best friend. Were both in 2nd-year uni and we go to school in diff cities. Weve been close since we started high school. And I love her, and shes usually my goto person to talk to or shoulder to cry on. But the thing is, shes much more social and Im not. She was my only friend in high school and while shes still closest with me she had others. (1/?)

Now in uni she still has tons of friends and I haven't really been able to make any. We havent rlly drifted apart but our convos are mostly limited to FB texts. Shes now rooming with another friend & I just have this crippling fear of being replaced. Bc it would be so much easier for her. And sometimes she does things that are sort of weird. I feel like im always shifting plans to suit her needs. She doesnt respond to half of what I text her. (2/3) (3 is the limit I promise, so sorry!)

Ive also begun a big Undertale fic and Im super excited about it, but even tho I've started posting it she doesnt seem to want to read it, she said she might someitme "if she has time" & "if shes bored." Which hurts. I tried to talk to her abt all this stuff last year, but she seems to have... forgotten. & I feel so bad & dont know how to deal with it, much as i ❤ her i dont always like the way she treats me. Its so hard to tell the line b/w actual worry and bein whiny. (3/4 sorry!!!!)

I know she has her own stuff going on and I try to be there for her but its so hard. Parts of me have stopped caring about her stuff as much as I should which I KNOW is awful of me as a friend, like when she told me the girl she loved didnt love her back, stuff like that, and I just dont know what to do. My loneliness has gone into hyperdrive basically, and its very confusing. Am I just being self pitying? Any advice would mean so so much to me. (4/4 I am SO SORRY for spamming you with this)

Wow this got long. Gonna put it under a cut.

Hey. Hey? First, deep breath. This might seem like the end of the world, but it isn’t. Trust me.

When you reach this point in your life your whole social dynamic is going to shift into what I’ll call ‘adult friends’. When you went to school it was super easy to make friends (or easier than it is now), because you were put in a small group of people your age and you were basically forced to interact. You might still have some of that in college, but it’s much less forced. The things that held you together with your peers isn’t really guaranteed as much to be there anymore.

First thing you need to tell yourself is that friends typically don’t get ‘replaced’ when you’re older. At least, not if you’ve stopped acting like a kid. Most of the time the friends you had in highschool are just gonna... drift apart. It happens all the time and it’s natural.

And while I can’t relate, I know a lot of people just have a large circle of friends they talk to about various things. Each friend has a different appeal. It’s not so much ‘replacing’ as it is ‘adding’.

Now I won’t speak for your friend, but from what you do mention about her not being flexible and not responding to texts, it could be a whole host of things. Maybe her schedule is just super rigid. Maybe she just forgets to respond to your texts, especially if she’s got about five different other people she’s talking to. Maybe she has nothing to say. Unfortunately these are things you’re probably going to have to talk to her about if they’re bothering you. Friendships thrive on communication.

As for her not getting into your fic... it might hurt? But try not to let it bother you.

When I was getting into Undertale and back on the writing bus I did the same thing with a friend of mine. While she’s always been supportive, she never really wanted to read it even if I asked what she thought, and after awhile I realized it just wasn’t something I could really engage with her back and forth with. She just didn’t know what to ask, didn’t really want to read a subject she knew very little about.

It hurt a little at first, but then I just realized she didn’t have the same interest in it as I did. I just sorta pushed it to the side when it came to talking to her even though it was such a big thing in my life. Instead of saying “I’m working on this Undertale fic omg you wouldn’t believe what--” I’d change how I worded what I wanted to say to be a little less restrictive. Instead I would say “I’m working on some writing and these characters are being--”

See the difference? The second is much more inclusive to someone who has no idea what the fuck Undertale is. They can still engage. I can’t force her to enjoy something I do just like she can’t force me to enjoy something she does.

And no, you are not being self-pitying. You’re worried about a friendship you cherish. You’re worried about how your friend treats you. You’re worried that things are coming between the two of you. You care enough about this friend that you don’t want to lose them, but that also means you’re going to have to work on it. You’re gonna have some awkward, intense moments coming up even if they’re scary.

You gotta be brave.

What you need to do is think. Think about your friendship. You mentioned that you think she treats you bad sometimes. Make a list of the things she does that make you feel bad. Can’t come up with an answer as to why she might do these things? Ask her. Bring it up. It’s scary, but if she values your friendship she’ll listen and you two can work things out.

But friendship is a two-way street. There are ways you can improve too. Find interests you share. Try not to feel bad when she doesn’t like the same things anymore, you’re both starting to grow up and get different interests.

Set boundaries and stick to them. You say you’re always shifting your plans and not the other way around. Stop. Put your foot down. Say no, you can’t shift these around. Don’t bend to her whims all the time. Set a hard line. She will work with you and bend her own plans too if your friendship is valued.

Most importantly though, as scary as it is, don’t be afraid that you two might just be drifting apart. A lot of friendships end after highschool and most of them aren’t because of fights. They’re just... from drifting apart. It might seem like you won’t find more friends, but you will.

I’ve been friends with the same girl since I was a teenager. She lives in Canada. I love her so, so much. When I got a divorce and she started college again we kinda just... didn’t talk much. We used to talk every single day but we didn’t anymore and that bothered the fuck out of me. I thought we were drifting apart, and in a way we kinda have.

She has a boyfriend she plays games with a lot, games that I don’t enjoy. I like to roleplay and write and play games that she doesn’t enjoy. She’s busy as fuck and I’m absolutely incompetent at conversations half the time. We don’t have all the same interests anymore and sometimes we go a full week without saying a word to each other, and we both realize things have changed a bit, but it hasn’t changed how we feel about one another. We still love each other a lot.

College is when you’re going to start to realize that, maybe, a lot of your friends you make are gonna be online. Chatrooms. Games. Writing. Roleplaying. They’re gonna scatter the globe. I have friends from Canada to the states to Indonesia and Germany. I visit the friends within an hour of me maybe... once or twice a month. That’s fine with me. It doesn’t bother me much. I talk to one friend I had in highschool maybe... once every... three months? I don’t hate them, I just don’t have much in common with them anymore. It happens.

But I should wrap this up.

Breathe. Take a nice, deep breathe. This isn’t the end of the world even if it’s scary and you wish you didn’t have to deal with it. You’ll survive even if the outcome is the worst thing you can imagine.

Friendships change over time.

Communicate your feelings.

Evaluate your own role in the relationship and if you need to make some changes too.

Set hard boundaries.

If you need more advice, I’m here.

#life advice #relationships #anonymous #skull answers

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lycanrox · 8 years ago

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yeah i do things wrong. i dont know what the fuck im doing though. when i hurt people, i dont know that i do unless they say anything. if i dont have guidance for what i do, i dont know how to do it. i dont know how to be a good friend. i thought ive changed but apparently “i havent”. i used to treat everyone like shit, yeah. i used to think i was hot shit. i wanted to be cool but i wasnt. i didnt know who i was. not to blame alters or anything but half the shit from way long ago was wolfgang. yeah i fucking hate it but ive said that before and everyone excuses it. tbt to when **** said i was faking did to hve exuses to be shitty! while in reality i broke down every fucking day because i didnt feel normal or right. i still, to this day, barely know what i did wrong. i know i said some shitty things. i know you didnt want to be in that relationship with me. i felt like shit every fucking day beause i know that. you broke up with me, why didnt you keep it that way? you were the one who came to ME asking for me back. and you still continue to tell me im awful. you talk shit about things i cant fucking help as a person. you tell me and other people i used you for sex. yeah fucking right. remember the first time you tried to do shit wifh me? where was the fucking consent? you didnt ask me if it was okay, you didnt ask if i was ok. remember the time i was literally sobbing when you went down on me and you didnt fucking do anything? i know you knew i was not okay. do you remember when i told you i wasnt okay with being dominant because i was forced into it in a Serious Abusive relationship? yeah and you continued to make me feel like shit about not pleasing you. you made jokes about me fucking you and it was uncomfortable as hell. why would i stay with you for sex if you made me feel like shit every time i actually tried to fuck you? you made jokes about how bad i was and i have no stamina. i cant fucking help not being able to do things because of trauma. i. have. ptsd. i in no way compare you to a****** and you fucking know that but you continue to act like i demonize you. you pressured me into sex, you made me feel like shit when we had sex, you embarrassed me about it outside the bedroom when i begged you not to, you manipulated me into feeling like shit all the time, and now youre just talking shit about me. i havent made one post about you since i put those reciepts on instagram. also stop trying to excuse the fact you put your fucking hands on me. "gently pushed" my ASS. you thought it was wolfgang so you were rough. i opened my arms to come hug you, i was a good length away, you couldve said "dont touch me". but yoh know what you did? you shoved me and then said "dont. touch me." not to mention the fact that you literally did punch me in the crotch just a few days ago. "it was a joke" OK. that doesnt exchse it. it wasnt light, it wasnt playful. you know i fucking flinch when you even throw the ball for my dog. excuse me for being fucking scared. why do you try to make me feel like shit even after this is over? i told you in the end i wanted you to be happy. and i genuinely mean that. i hope you find someone you dont have to abuse and blame. i hope you realize what yohve done. "i self harmed because of you" bull shit. i didnt self harm for fucking months until April, now. i went to cutting like three times a week because i felt like shit because of what IVE done. you made me feel like ive done shit wrong. "out of context reciepts" my ass. He guided me through our conversations, and She read through them. they both say the same shit i do. last night, with one of OUR friends, one youre graduating with, said "i knew he was abusing you. i saw it from the beginning". i used to fucking love you and adore you. i know im not good at showing it but i gave up because having you over all the time, buying you food and other misc things, cuddling you, making out, having sex, writing you letters every week, drawing you shit, none of that was enough. you barely ever thanked me for the shit i did either. i spent hundreds of dollars on you, wait no, i wasted it. im sorry i was never good enough for Aiden Standards. i talked so highly of you for so long. but recently you know its gotten bad. i dont know what i did to make you hate me so much, you still dont tell me. none of the shit you say makes sense. see right now, im not blaming my mental illness on shit, as you are. bpd isnt an excuse to harm people. you say you became evil because i was your fp and you stole my personality. when was i ever fucking evil? i didnt treat you the way you treated me. maybe two years ago to the time we talked in early 2016, i was bad to you. i admit that. i tell you im sorry all the time. i didnt know any better. all ican do is apologize because yeah i do feel like shit about it. i didnt treat anyone right and its because i didnt know how to act. im rude to people still to this day because i dont know how else to show people my affection. im not good with communication, affection or empathy. every time i show a single symptom of being autistic, you use it against me. fuck you. nothing i do is ever going to be good enough, oh i am so so sorry dear king aiden, i am not a good enough prince for you. eat shit dude. i did things wrong but i didnt abuse you. im never going to lie that ive been manipulative but i apologize for it and try to fix it. ive never intentionally tried to hurt you. unlike youve done to me. you cant ever deny it, i have plenty of examples. not that im going to tell you though, as weve both blocked each other on everything. youre a terrible person, aiden. ive done everything i can for you. one day youre going to find someone you dont have to treat like shit. we dont even talk anymore but you vague me on your blogs as if im the abuser. im happy without you. oliver would never treat me the way you treat me. they would never put their hands on me. they wouldnt ever try to manipulate me or make me feel like shit. yeah a lot of this is on me for being sensitive but you dont know the extent of shit ive gone through. and i dont know yours either, but i dont push (haha) you like youve pushed me (haha). why are you even here? why are you reading this? i check on your blogs because surprise surpise i care about you and i always have. im not stalking you, i just want to make sure YOURE Ok, even after all this time. i hate you, but i care about you. no matter how shitty you are. fuck you. fuck you. nobody can deny how awful you are. the only person to ever excuse your actions is my mom but guess what? she fucking abuses me too. fuck you.

#lms #abuse 838 #self harm 256 #self harm 994

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batterymonster2021 · 6 years ago

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Use This In Your Videos To Connect With More Law Firm Clients

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Use This In Your Videos To Connect With More Law Firm Clients

When making quick video, how so much authorized aid do you endorse mentioning within the video? So, clearly, i suppose what youre asking is how a lot legalese do you incorporate within the video or how much factual content like how so much study do you ought to do? And the answer will not be a lot, and it certainly works out to your favor, since youve bought to do not forget, people relate to reviews higher than they relate to something. So, a video where you inform a story about something that happened to a customer and how you helped that patron and what the decision used to be, thats going to be approach higher than you announcing, you recognize Florida statute 7412 says that if youre in a car accident, you may have as much as 72 hours to file to head to the doctor some thing it is, you realize? But if rather, you say, I had a individual just depart my workplace, they got here in for a free session and that i wasnt competent to aid them and heres why: since they bought right into a car accident and so they felt best.But the situation is is that like three days later, the agony started kicking in and the reason is is considering the fact that just given that you get right into a vehicle accident and also you suppose nice right away, that doesnt always imply that youre not injured. Its like, consider about while you determine. In case you go to the gymnasium and also you havent been to the gym for, i do know that I havent been to the gym for 2 years and that i went to the gymnasium and that i lifted weights and tomorrow I was so sore, I couldnt even lift my arm. But I wasnt sore that day, I was sore the following day. So, a vehicle accident is sort of the identical factor. So, what happened used to be, this individual came into my place of business and they werent injured correct away, they didnt get themselves checked out, and then they waited and they waited they usually waited, and now three months has gone via, and theyve received a ruptured disc or some thing the issue is, however they didnt go to the healthcare professional.So, considering that of that, I relatively cant aid them, alas. They already did this and you understand what I mean? So, clearly, when you inform that story, thats a lot better and much more meaningful and a lot more impactful than telling a than simply giving info and figures and things like that. So, I consider that its going to be quite a bit simpler simply to tell stories and you dont need to you dont must and i consider plenty of legal professionals try this. Ive talked to a couple customers that they get hung up within the research. Its like theyre type of writing a term paper and thats not what these movies are presupposed to do.These videos are presupposed to be just speedy portions of understanding that go on to resolve a difficulty, and which you can say like, heres a fast tip for someone thats in a loved ones regulation dispute: do not put up anything about the opposing celebration or your case at all on social media. We just left court docket and the case earlier than us, the husband went on a fb rant about his ex-wife and the way you know she used to be out partying or some thing it was once on facebook. And on the grounds that of this, her attorney saved the entire screenshots and you already know? Used it towards him after which we noticed this influence and this man or woman is in reality going to need to anything the effect is. Thats a better story than speaking than just something thats just details and figures. So, I wouldnt do quite a few I mean, definitely, make sure what youre pronouncing is accurate, but its better to inform experiences than it is to simply use info and figures and do a ton of research. And likewise, doing a ton of study goes to make it lots harder for you to always do content, so simply tell reviews about things that happened in real life, and thats all you have to do. .

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airoasis · 6 years ago

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Use This In Your Videos To Connect With More Law Firm Clients

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Use This In Your Videos To Connect With More Law Firm Clients

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reviewkidoodle · 6 years ago

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Best Purchases of 2018

Here’s the post I’ve been meaning to write for a month and a half. Last year I started my now annual “Best Purchases” post from the previous year. I figure having certain items long enough warrants enough time to give them a fair review. Some of the items on this year’s list were purchased in 2018 although we didn’t start using them till this year but I’m still including them because I love them so much.

One || Our Patio Set

These pieces were individual purchases (two separate loveseats and a chair set which included the coffee table) so you could purchase as many or as few as the pieces as you’d like. After months of use they were very comfortable and I didn’t notice any adverse wear on the cushions (except from kids bringing food over to them). The cushions stayed the perfect firmness and we had only one or two spots where the wicker popped up… I was nervous there was going to be a lot more with four kids!

I’d HIGHLY recommend this set. I’d also highly recommend these covers for them, they are a little big which makes putting them on a breeze (no struggling to put ones that fit them like a glove on).

You can read the full post about the patio set here.

Two and Three || Apron Front Sink and Bridge Faucet

While we bought these months ago we’ve only been using them for a few weeks but so far I LOVE LOVE LOVE them. They both feel really sturdy and well-made. The sink has SO MUCH ROOM IN IT and I love that it came with a grate to protect the bottom of the sink. The prices on these two items are really affordable in comparison to similar items.

Four|| DW Home Gardenia Candle

If my home had a signature scent this would be it. I find all my DW Home Gardenia candles at Marshalls but in case you can’t here is the link to the Amazon one. It’s about $8 more than you’ll spend on it at Marshalls.

Five || Therapedic Weighted Blanket

Therapedic sent me some products in October or November that they wanted help getting the word out about. I just needed to do an Instagram post and a stories about them but I can’t stop talking about them (you’ll see another one of the items made the list in the clothing section). This weighted blanket is so different from anything we’ve ever had but we love it. I think I sleep better and deeper, it keeps me SO warm and generally is one of my favorite blankets EVER. The first few nights are so weird and I hate when it’s laying on my throat but otherwise it’s INCREDIBLE. My guess is that it’ll be a colder weather item for our bed because it really keeps you warm. The downside to it is that it’s pricey but I’d say it’s highly worth it (we have the large size which weighs 20 pounds but I’d get the extra large if you are putting it on a queen bed like we are).

Six|| J. Crew Chambray Dress

I wore this dress on repeat all summer. This unfortunately isn’t the best photo but it was so comfortable and was great to transition from spring to summer and summer to fall. It’s 50% off now too. (There are a lot of dresses from J. Crew Factory that are 50% off now that I’m in love with…)

This dress is almost identical, it just has scalloped sleeves instead of a tie on them.

Seven || Make + Model Joggers

I asked my sister for these pants for my birthday. When she got them about four months ago they had different colors but I’m in love with them. I wear them constantly. They are ridiculously soft and comfy. There are two downsides: the ride pretty low (careful sitting down!) and they pill very easily (I think mine show the pills easily because they are a very light blue so I’d highly recommend the dark blue or black joggers).

Eight || Jo Malone Orange Blossom Perfume

You’ve read my ravings about this perfume before. My mom and dad gave this to me for my birthday this year because I finally ran out of my original bottle and I’ve been in love with it for about eight years since I started using it. The smallest sized bottle lasts me for years.

Nine || Therapedic Memory Foam Slippers

I have worn these slippers EVERY SINGLE DAY since I got them, including this very second. They are under $20, so comfy and really keep my feet warm! (Though Therapedic sent me these free of charge I do not have to promote them… I’m only doing it because they are easily one of my favorite new things from this year.)

Ten || Siblings without Rivalry and Crazy Rich Asians

The fact is not lost on me that I’m recommending two completely different books in the same sentence. Crazy Rich Asians is hysterical and fluffy and about so much stuff that doesn’t matter. There are a few trashy parts but for the most part it’s pretty clean. If you want a good book to escape in this is it… I loved it so much I just started Rich People Problems (also hysterical but haven’t read China Rich Girlfriend yet).

Siblings without Rivalry is amazing. It is making me rethink everything about how I interact with the kids, how I want them to interact together and what I saw in front of them and about them that might be hurting them.

Eleven || Our Double Stroller(s)

This is the stroller that I take everywhere with us (it’s not our jogging stroller which I really adore though (sidenote: we have the single and double BOB jogging stroller and I cannot recommend them highly enough, they’ve last us YEARS, the expensive price is 100% worth it)). This is the stroller that gets us through Target and the grocery store. You’d be surprised at how many groceries you can fit underneath this thing… We chose it because it had great reviews and was pretty affordable!

Everyday stroller

Bob Stroller

Lastly, bonus item:

I got the a Mariposa platter just like this about two years ago and I am in LOVE with it and use it all the time. They are normally VERY expensive but I found the almost identical one to ours for $20 on Amazon, I don’t know if it’s a mistake Amazon made in pricing because they are normally $150ish but I just bought one for $20 this morning and there are only 10 left I think. It would make SUCH a good gift!

Have a great day and don’t forget to check out these posts (especially if you still have coffee in that mug to enjoy!):

2017 Best Purchases

Our Countertop Install

Our Updated House Tour

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