#i havent heard anything back :(
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She could be tying her hair back for any number of reasons ...
#The Sims 4#Sims 4#TS4#intramoon#this sequence of photos wasnt suppose to suggest anything#but after i finished it i feel like it kinda does#or my brain is rotten which in that case my bad#but i love seeing sims do mundane#things like tying their hair up#dying their hair#painting their names etc#finally have free time for sims#got that job#was very off#manager was asking my clothing size in front of#my coworkers which i didnt want to answer#but couldnt figure out how to get out of it?#maybe im over reacting but it made me feel weird#amongst many other things#got another interview at another job i wanted more#turned out to be a 20 person group interview??#a girl i met their got my number we've been friendly chatting#havent heard back yet so we're not sure we got in or not#got a newsroom award which was sweet#quit the first job today#very hectic#when i just want to daydream about the sims
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#one piece#sanji#black leg sanji#everysanji#fishman island#ch634#also. aughhhhh i am waiting on my new job to get back to me about my housing deposit#i'm supposed to move in like. just over 2 weeks from queueing this.#and hopefully i'll be out there by the time you see this but#iiiii would like to put my deposit down!!! please!!!!#i'm gonna email them on wednesday if i havent heard anything by then about it#bc i really do need to get ready to move in soon
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whenever people say rpf they always assume shipping... welcome to my beautiful mind of "God these two are such friends i need to imagine them doing everything together in the world they make me sick"
#rambles#can you tell im running out of things to say on here by the fact that rpf and among us is all i have to talk about#until zam comes back....#idt mapicc has even appeared on any streams either or at least i havent heard anything
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it occurred to me not everyone might know the reference im making when i keep calling my remix character the "hot pink bitch named breakfast" so... here. perceive breakfast.
#warcraft#timerunning#im finally getting back to remix!! havent done anything since last time for no reason beyond uhhhhhhhh#have you heard of the hit animanga bungo stray dogs. bc i sure did last october. and it has yet to release me. unfortunately.#so getting myself to play games has been a slight endeavor despite enjoying the time i DO spend on them#her in game name is brekky bc breakfast was taken and also yk what? brekky is kinda cute. dunno what i'll do w/ her after this though#cant believe i have THREE pink paladins. well 2.5 bc one of them isnt NORMALLY pink but i think its funny. alas.#im SOOO chatty today btw. hi#brekky#in game#mine
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pls i need to provide updates
#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year#and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire#and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f#friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl#acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what#are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and#friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after#everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to#invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me#i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother#and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids#so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo#any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd#and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk#THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date#w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a#few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay#scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK#like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl#like is that even doable#but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much#.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us#god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x#but it would be soooo funny#I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed#popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x#i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like#its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe
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240metres of crêpe ply sock yarn. 93% suffolk 7% merino spun true worsted (combed, short forward draw). the merino was blended in to one single. it feels a bit tight and ropey in the skein and caked but I have yet to knit and wear for feel and durability. if it's awful I'll do plan c - romney, corriedale and silk. or maybe mohair. or both idk. I'm just having fun at this point and trying to avoid the fact that I'll be homeless if not houseless in less than two months
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still wondering whos voicing black doom because i havent seen any confirmation on that but now im wondering whos voicing mephiles... surely he's gonna have at least a couple voice lines right . it would be weird if he didnt
#idk what to expect with either because black doom gerald maria and mephiles all last appeared around the same time#and maria has been recast but gerald seemingly has the same va he did last time#(i mean i dont think theres been any confirmation on that either but . come on. thats obviously mike pollock's voice in the trailer)#though gerald is kinda a special case i guess because his voice actor in his most recent appearance before this#is still around just voicing a different character . like he hasnt been voicing gerald because gerald hasnt appeared#not because he was recast. while the voice actors for all those other characters arent involved in sonic at all anymore#also black doom's va only voiced black doom and no one else but iirc maria and mephiles's vas voiced multiple sonic characters#most notably cream in maria's case and knuckles and vector in mephiles's case . and all those characters have been recast#the fact that they havent acutally said who's voicing black doom despite him being in multiple trailers now#makes me think it might be the same guy? who im pretty sure said at one point that he did re audition for the role#but said that he hadnt heard anything back at the time he mentioned it which was before he had any voice lines in trailers at all#also comparing voice lines from 2005 and now it does sound pretty similar but idk for certain#basically what im getting at here is i think black doom is way more likely to have the same va as before than mephiles is#but. still dont know for sure#sonic x shadow generations#sonic x shadow generations spoilers
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i will blow up the us mail service if the bracelets i sent three weeks ago arent delivered this week
#any resource i find says they should have arrived by now but noooooo#who the fuck knows where they are#im assuming they havent arrived cause i havent heard anything and they havent been sent back to me yet so#im just so fucking anxious about this. thankfully none of them were commissions or store orders but also this doesnt bode very well#for the future or the other things i sent after them#but also one envelope before that bunch got to its destination just fine so what the fuck!!#i hate international mail so much#why cant yall be like the eu or surprisingly the uk where things arrive in three to four days LMAO#ugh. im gonna try to finish at least one bracelet tonight. im just fucking anxious#(it doesnt help that the kip one was definitely in this pile. the rest were also important ofc but. you know. priorities)#night is an absolute mess on main
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I got a second interview at [place] but only three weeks after my first interview. Which I realize is partly because of the holidays but also I finally emailed them today like "hey any updates" (polite version) and they were like "sorry for the delay we'd love to invite you for a second interview" 🤔 oh would you? then why did you ghost me for 3 weeks?
#this is after they ALREADY lost track of my application and emailed me asking “hey did you do the follow up questionairre”#to which i said “yes and i havent heard anything back since then”#and they were like “oh sorry we put you in the wrong category”#this place frankly seems like a mess#but would i take the job if they offered it to me (even though the pay is laughable)? yes unquestionably#im desperate to be exploited please exploit me 🥺🙏🏻
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finally decided to start watching s2e17 of ii
#wheucto#wheucto speaks#there are spoilers in the tags for like 17 and 18. not much since i havent actually seen those (at least not much) but beware#i am about to implode!#(not because of any opinion i have of the finale so far i just started watching it)#why did i start watching now? i was hearing Things about the finale (not really much spoilers_ just that the note 17 left wasn't a happy -#- note [since it seems to be the darkest hour. yknow. general 3-act stuff] and that people weren't really sure it was the last episode)#and i remember thinking “either i don't watch until act 3 comes out or until it's been long enough to know act 2 was the last episode”#i also have a tendency to do this with ii episodes_ i'll wait a couple of days to watch it#in the case of the ii s3 finale i literally only watched it because s2e15 came out#i dont really do this with other shows? and by other shows i mean BFDI i can't think of any other i watch regularly like II#well not regularly . yknow what i mean. to watch to completion like that ?#anyways another reason i didn't was probably bc of not knowing anything about the finale#yknow. didnt want it to end on a bad note but especially not something that like takes away the characters'... whats the word... agency tha#'s it. i think it would have felt weird to me if the ending was like everyone dying or smth in a way that interferes with that#but i feel slightly reassured since the characters do seem to come back to life i think from what i've heard#so yay!!!#i think hearing some mild spoilers about the ending of ii did help me mentally prepare for watching the finale#getting spoilers doesn't necessarily have to ruin your show-watching experience. i dont think id like having it all spoiled but having some#spoilers don't really hurt me_ and sometimes actually helps me in the experience (as in. gets me to actually watch something or lets me wat#-h without like... worrying about something needlessly? or at least maybe its like a detriment to my watching experience)#i dont really like all the suspense. some is good but sometimes i cant handle it or dont want to so a little spoilers helps me have my mind#- at ease yknow? i do remember as a kid id be worried about possibilities (like quite worried) that authors don't tend to do (because it'd#- be a bummer) and it hindered my enjoyment of shows then. obviously now i know shows dont tend to do stuff like that so i reassure myself#- “they probably won't die_ fail_ etc. they'll win in the end” (obviously not all shows but like kids shows and that stuff probably)#i think with most shows i could handle that possibility but i think i'm more attached to ii so_ while i could probably handle that_ it woul#like... be harder for me to like watch and handle and that stuff#anyways enough rambling on about that! wow they really ARE his OCs aren't they /JOK#(i don't actually believe they are his OCs_ since that removes their agency and i Dont Like That and i think that goes against II's themes_#but WOW drawing the ideas of them on paper... that's so OC-creator core of you mephone)
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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that feeling when something is brought up and you remember having an insanely bad spiral abt that thing in your past but youre rly trying not to give into scrupulousity terrors so youre sitting there like Its okay its okay its okay its okay .
#when i was like 15 i scoured the entire tag for (thing) and blocked literally every single person who had ever posted in it bc i was#convinced if i didnt it meant i was pro child abuse . it was like an entire day just in a constant panic scrolling and blocking and#scrolling and blocking#but im trying not to give in to stuff like that anymore and i also dont even know if the stuff i heard back then abt (thing) is even like.#legitimate or if it was blown out of proportion . so im just trying not to think abt it. difficult bc weeman just took my puter so i cant#work on my spreadsheet anymore even tho i made a huge spreadsheet breakthru ... but whatever . itis fine#vague#technically I apologize. it is not a big deal DJFNFJFNF im just like. idk im proud that i havent immediately started freaking out im rather#calm abt it . which is yippee#i think perhaps being on kinblr in like 201y was a horrific thing for my brain as a person with like. rly bad scrupulosity issues#i hesitate to call it ocd bc im not dxed or anything (obv dx isnt everything but yk .) but its like. In that vein. i think i can say that#with9ut my brain shooting me to death for beign evil and appropriating other ppls struggles. heavy sigh
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I'm gonna lose my mind. I wish they would at least send you a rejection email if you didn't get the job
#i know. the interview was only two days ago. but i havent heard back from anyone else either#sooo disheartening. just tell me that you rejected me dont leave me waiting to hear ANYTHING for forever#maybe im just impatient#they said that theyd have to review before they made a decision. JUST SAY NO PLEASE GOD
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my process here is login , get overwhelmed with everything i owe and then pretend the blog doesn't exist.
#❛ 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘬 & 𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘭. / out of chara.#( also bummed because im pretty sure i didnt get the head start teaching job? )#( she said i would hear back from her Wednesday and i havent heard anything )
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hmmmm looking like i wont be able to take my adhd meds to london w me
#my own fault for realizing I need a letter from my doctor too late#messaged her earlier this week & havent heard anything back#rip :/#mine
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thinking about the cognitive dissonance that came with growing up with intrusive thoughts
#nico's thoughts#i just#i cant really put it into words#but ive had intrusive thoughts for as long as my memory lasts#and i remember being in like year 5 english and having the most horrific graphic traumatising intrusive thoughts#and getting distressed because the teacher had asked a question that i hadnt heard#the thoughts themselves dont phase really#and they havent for a while#but whenever i get distracted by them it transports me back to that classroom#even if i havent missed anything#i felt like a monster because of these thoughts but they still affected me like I was a kid#because i was a kid whoops#anyway#intrusive thoughts
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