#i havent done this since like 2021
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decided to procrastinate Everything and make a youtube edit
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Would it be too cringe if I started umm posting my OC writing/ficlets here
#I write for myself since 2021 but i always felt self conscious abt publicly sharing it 😭#i really wanted to flesh out my yumesona more and although drawings n comics would be ideal for me I often cant get it done#(havent finished any comic i started lol)#so like theres.... a lot of lore bits that I havent revealed yet + dynamic n relationship with other characters#and a beauty and the beast AU ficlet too wwAHHH... I wanted to post that for a long time but I want to draw a cover for it
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was able to infodump for the first time in a while w/out feeling secretly judged. a thousand heavenly delights upon me
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Kicking my feet
So
Yall plan to do artfight this year?
#i havent done it since 2021#it might be nice to do this year#tho bleh i hate looking at my old art on there#also need to change my username maybe??? its still a much older one#aaa maybe maybe i kinda feel like I can this year finally!!!#slap dandy on there mayhaps. and other ocs of mine!#text post#just rambling#just wondering if any of yall in my tumblr circles plan to! itd be fun! to get to attack yall!
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blinks at u
#beforeafter#anyways this was my attempt 2 even the playing field between nayef and idris i felt bad that id done a cunty edit for nayef but i havent#done a a* solo edit since like. 2021 or smth so#yeah! collapses to the floor#ts4#seph.txt
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You’re welcome to explain your answer in the tags!
#julie and the phantoms#jatp#jatppolls#dont ask me why the number categories are like this!!! there is no rhyme or reason to them!!!#been thinking bout this for awhile now. cause it didnt occur to me that I havent watched it since i netflix party’d it with Rosie in Sept#2021… which has been… a very long time. considering in 2020 after it came out i probably watched it over 100 times in full.#there’s just something that stops me from clicking play on the show and i cant put it into words. its just this feeling i get every time my#mouse or finger hovers over the show. i also got rid of netflix this past year too but that was quite recent and i do have a copy of it on#my ipad sksjsj idk#guess im just curious if anyon else is in this weird limbo. dont get me wrong. i am still enamoured by this show but rewatching it is just#smthg i havent done in a hot minute. maybe i should make Rosie do another netflix party with me 👀#i feel like if i was more active in a discord or on tumblr i wouldve tried to watch it with mutuals but alas i am incapable of having free#time outside of work and life.#once again i am shocked that the answers are centred in the bubbles before u click on them and it bothers me?!?#alt option: i have rewatched the show aolely through gifsets 😌#sunset queue#<- queuing this for some reason. idk what the reason is.
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genuinely have never felt like anyone has genuinely given a shit about me besides like three people
#yes juliet yall r one of tjem ofc#shits getting bad again yayyy#also i have a fp again sooo funnn/s#the people who regularly talk to me / r in the thoschei server can probably guess who it is#i dont think she likes me at all#fuck!! hahahahah#and i feel like im slowly disappearing#i havent let her see the actual like depressed side of me i dont want them to think bad of me.#im so fucking done#oh well four people#cause mack#love u mack#and my two bsfs who ive known since 2021#besides that? nah#sure people ‘care’ about mr but#im like almost always the one innicisting convos#maybe people care but. not enough#lol#to delete#vent#actually borderline#actually bpd#bpd vent
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i never did make an announcement that i am making a weekly kanej authors fic rec... so here it is lol
alternatively, i do have the actual list of fics that is currently being curated, but due to the size (we're talking up to 700-900 fics... don't look at me like that I read a lot lol) this was the better alternative. thank you coven for talking me out of that path. i hope you enjoy :)
#random#will i make the list available?#maybe when i'm done?#like it's stupid long because apparently i've read a lot since 2021 lol#i'm also vetting the fics so i'm like like suggesting anything i havent read at least more than two times#anyways :3
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why do you type like you're retarded and/or drugged up? and why are you obsessed with portraying fictional moids as yuri? i have so many questions
good day to u too anon
#is this abt su/nny and ba/sil drawing... i liked the ship in 2021 but havent cared since#i posted this art because i needed the file off my pc- i drew it genuinely ages ago#though i dont think theyre yuri... i dont understand what you're getting at sorry girl#not sure what i cldve possibly done to you to warrant the first comment but im tired and talk however i feel like here
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i want to do a study on [thing] but i can't think of a way to do an experiment without it being unethical so it'd have to be more of a like, survey/interview based thing, and i would need to do it through like. my school probably. and work with people and such. i have a fairly biased view of [thing] and its causes/effects/what it actually is so i'd need other people to work with who can keep me from getting all confirmationbiascore. i could do a review of the literature (twitter.com) but that would take ages too although i guess it would be important for a history of [thing]. (though it would also be impossible considering how many ppl r probably now priv/deleted.. if i reached out to the r/eylo community* i could probably find out how to get s script to track new tweets though)(*referencing that withcindy video abt that one insane racist author who was exposed by r/eylos who tracked every tweet mentioning their ship for 7 years) but i find it SO INTERESTING on a psychological/social(?) level
#text#i will not be saying what [thing] is unless i actually do the research bc again i have a biased view and i know i do#which is part of why i want to research it !!! like have i been looking at this wrong or is my Hypothesis correct#i dont even know if my school would be like. chill with me doing this study LOL i dont know how studies work!!!!!#im just some guy!!!!!!#actually wait i havent checked google scholar for actual articles abt [thing] since . 2021. so i should check and see if someone else has#done this
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im once again tagging my boyproblems as #crushposting🧍
#I HAVENT DONE THAT SHIT SINCE DECEMBER 2021#i was quick to jump into liking that last crush tho and he turned out to be a doozy and a floozy.#this time around uhhhhhhh.#its like i dont like him cause i want him i like him cause i KNOW him. very different also these feelings are splitting me OPEN#god
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It's Baba time, again
#i gotta my pencils out#im gonna do a paintin or drawin of my nana for her funeral sometime this week too but I want to not do that right now#I also need to make a hair appointment tommorow 😫#i hate callin. Oh well hopefully they will have an appointment for me before friday#havent had my hair done in the salon since...... 2021 i think#and before that i had been 3 years before i'd gone as well#i hate goin to the hair dresser bc they always try and guilt me into getting my hair cut#LIKE NO I WANT STUPID LONG HAIR IDC IF THE ENDS ARE DEAD LEAVE ME ALONEEEE#i was thinkina gettin a fringe but i think im too emotionally volatile for that#like what if i hated it#maybe in a few months...m
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back in the day i would do join . me's and other kinds of drawing streams and it was lots of fun :3
it was a lot of fun to draw with friends watching i kinda miss doing them ngl
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#cw// ed#cw// sh#i want to blame the staff/psychiatrist for letting me shave#and not putting me on precautions#but also. i didnt have to do it.#just like i didnt have to refuse my hs snack#FUCK theres just so many snacks and my stomach felt bad from dinner#and I havent done the whole six meals a day thing since 2021 when i was last in res#even while i was there i got a decrease to two snacks a day#so two is sufficient two is enough i dont need more#i dont#ive been fine physically at this weight for this long so why should i have to change#FUCK
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Demons....right
#doodz#azazel fit is absolutely the easiest of the bunch#its simply sth zel could easily plop down in and be comfortable#the kelkyu one is soo old but i still like it a lot#especially now that my art has. improved wuite a bit since 2021. i cna actually do thst fit a bit more justice#and add maybe a bit more butterfly motive#i would totally chabge illzephine horns idk what i was going with that i dont like it#if i were to change it to...sth ekse for sure. literally snything is better than that branch like horns#i do think my designs suck but its nice to look at them and be like they all suck so bad that its good and i like it#im sure u may have noticed i like chokers#and this. ^ shape or v#sorry im built like a dorito girl so i like to have a v somewhere sround here#i still need to redeisng kelkyu entire appearence i havent do that yet#ill do that later after im done with another wip i took a break from to draw denzel
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Lol there was a reunion thing for my scholarship cohort at the end of March that I very much did not go to bc just the thought of it filled me with such depressed self loathing, like. What have u done since u graduated college 3 years ago? That's awesome! Ah, me? Oh, you know. I've gotten fatter and I've gotten sadder!
#did not even rsvp#i have nothing to show for the last 3 yrs aside from the fact that all the scars on my legs are Also 3 years old lol#idk these days i feel useless and worthless and kind of like what am i even doing here u know#my sister and i are going to oregon to celebrate her bday and i will be in the same state as my friends for the first time since 2021#and i cant stomach the thought of telling them ill be somewhat close if they want to get together#like hey u two are so driven and smart and wonderful and here i am gross and depressed with bad skin bc im gross and depressed#lllllllllllike.#i havent Done anything. and i know i dont need to Do anything to make me have value as a person#but also. i feel like a wretch.#blegh. whatever. the inferiority complex strikes again. its fine. [gets over it]#self harm mention#delete probably 🤪
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