#i havent been active on tumblr for literally years

[leqclerc]

Monaco 🇲🇨, 5th September 2023

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

LMFAOOOOO RUBYYYY that ask ab ur mommy!hwa series 😭 i mean i kinda get that there might be lots of people like that person who may be uncomfortable about 18+ fanfics but like????? idk why they take those seriously, tbh. it's literally a FANFIC. i dint think those that u write fanfic for would even take their time looking their name up especially here on tumblr. it is very easy to scroll away and let other people enjoy the things that they do.

is it invasive to write stuff ab how he is in bed according to his birth chart? not really but quite? however, i dont think it's something people should take too seriously. astrology is fun. his chart is literally out there for free lmao. u're doing us (whose knowledge ab astrology and stuff isnt broad) a favor. it makes us curious.

and if it's a genuine concern, idk how hard it is for that person to use a tad bit nicer language. fuming mad for something they put themselves into ijbol like plsssss do urself a favor and as per their language, scroll the fuck away???? bahdhshshsh

GENUINE QUESTION THO: what does "mommy" mean when u use it to hwa? is it also like daddy but since hwa is intuned to his feminine side, he's more of like a mommy than daddy? LMFAOFI3IJRKGJJT SORRY I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND ITTTTT : (((( coz i havent read such fic w the same theme— using mommy to a male subject. hope i dont sound rude. ><

and.. pls post more about seonghwa's natal chart observations because i enjoy yours so much. they're very detailed and i resonate with it well since i almost have the same chart as him (as i was born 8 days after him) so yeah!

LOVE UR BLOGS SO MUCH! <3

Hey! The response to this ask is legit over a year late but better late than never and I have been excited to reply to this one for awhile.

For context, this was sent after I was sent a hate anon ask in my inbox stating that I was gross for calling Seonghwa 'Mommy' and analysing his kinks in my natal chart reading.

I just don't understand why ppl won't take the easier route and just scroll, like you're expelling unnecessary energy writing and I'm expelling unnecessary cognitive energy by reading it.

The 'should ppl write smut about real life celebrities' has been a question asked for literal DECADES now and i'm always on the belief that if you don't take it srsly- it's all good.

I just watched an interview with Ryan Reynolds who admitted to reading the smut ppl have written about him and loving every second of it-

If the celebrity I wrote fanfics for actively said 'I'm uncomfortable with ppl writing smut about me' then I would respect their wishes and not do it but until then, I'm going to keep doing it.

Besides, the members of Ateez know about the fanfics written about them from that time San googled actual fanfiction on Naver in one of his lives.

And so I think they're all probably okay with it and too worried about being an idol to care about atiny's writing smut about them

I personally think my smut fics and readings are on the same level of invasiveness as 'the way I would let this man *redacted* *redacted* me'- like it's okay to say to Atiny's but maybe not so much to the members.

(although if the members read my natal chart readings I would love to get their opinion).

MOVING ON!!!

'Mommy' is just another authority title you would use in the same way as you would call someone 'Daddy', 'Sir', 'Master' etc.

It's not an age-play/age-regression thing at all and ppl confuse the two, I'm personally not into age-play/regression- it's not my thing.

For etc, my fics all use the term w/o de-aging the reader in anyway.

I wAsn't the first person who has affiliated 'mommy kink' with Seonghwa, that title goes to @hongism when I read her fic many moons ago and was in love with the concept.

I just found that the title fit with Seonghwa in such a beautiful way with his caring but dominant persona and I found it's a great way of dismantling gender norms and expectations surrounding masculinity.

In terms of not finding other male idols who have been called 'Mommy', there are a few Mommy!Hyunjin ones (I've written some too) and he's a popular idol for the concept too but there are other idols I've seen such as Lee Know and Mingi.

If you go on my blog and type in #mommy!may there are SO many fics I've reblogged where the mommy kink is used for all your smutty needs.

That's so cool you're born in 98 as well! I was born in April too so I completely resonate with parts of Seonghwa's natal chart as well.

In terms of more 18+ observation...uhh I'm not 100% certain that Seonghwa is low-key an exhibitionist but with his Aquarius Venus and the fact he looks at Atiny's with such a lustful gaze when he performs...

The chances are pretty high.

[yenqa]

10 QUESTIONS FOR U - enhablrinas edition get it bc tumblrina + enhablr

favorite color of themes?

moot with best theme?

you can send a love letter to anyone. fictional/idols/celebs. who?

which moot is most active? which moot do you barely ever run into but LOVE?

most rizzful mutual? do you flirt with ur moots?

favorite petnames/nicknames? giving or recieving?

have you ever had an online crush? (or on a moot GASP)

ever been involved in drama?

do u keep up with tumblr drama?

be honest. how many times have u swapped biases? no judgement here :D

were u here for the insaneness that was lockdown enhablr?

MIA moot u want to comeback?

ur fave fic or smau that gagged u when u read it? seungstarss BET was the end of the fucking world for me I WAS DISTRAUGHT oddeonu too grrrr the ptsd fuckkkk too there was someone m1ngh8o or smtg idk w this jungwon smau and it KILLLED MEEE he was yns roommate and always so fucking rude and his gf was legit cheating on him but he didn't leave her. gf made moves on his bff jake too who liked reader. slowburns where the main lead is an ass rlly annoy me but i also will them the shit up bc i luv angst and toxicity :DDD

are you close w ur moots? do u have any on socials?

what is ur biggest ick to see on tumblr?

words u find urself repeating too much? words u love using?

any enhablr inside jokes ur part of?

ever been featured in a moots fic?

have u ever dreamt of enhypen?

ur favorite enha pc u want rlly badly?

DRINK WATER + YOU ARE LOVED <3

thank you so much for sending an ask!! i love these weirdly specific questions! moots so sorry if youre tagged multiple times

1. i lovee pink or like neutral colored themes because i love when themes are super minimalistic !!

2. i love @okwonyo @byhees and @soov ‘s themes!! they always eat down and i use them for inspo sometimes ^_^

3. obviously, would send a love letter to my beautiful boyfriend park jongseong

4. okay idrk most active but i see @flwrstqr on my feed a bunch!! and i lovee talking to @boyfhee on the rare occasion we do talk T^T

5. guys this is all about mutuals but i literally have like two i talk to 😭 but most rizzful is @voikiraz my queen mari <3

6. my name “yen” is a nickname that just stuck with me for tumblr so probably that! but i love saying babe but i can only say that online

7. no 😭 i honestly dont think i could ever have an online crush

8. in real life no! on tumblr…

9. i want to but im so out of the loop 😭😭 @yeokii keeps me up to date though!

10. for enhypen,,, like three times… at first it was heeseung, then sunghoon, then jay!!

11. sadly no!! i joined in like summer of 2022 (happy two year anniversary!)

12. i actually am so bad at remembering my moots. like i have to interact with them to remember them so no so sorry 😭

13. OH MY GOD ODDEONUS SMAUS. but theres this one heeseung smau called “reality check!” i forgot the author, ALSO @amakumos go figure! OH MY GODD STUCK WITH ME FOREVER I DONT CARE ITS DISCONTINUED. also one more. “the language of flowers” by @soobnny GOD KILL ME NOW I LOVE THAT SMAU.

14. i am close with a couple of them!! i have @yeokii @wvnkoi and @jennaissantes on insta and a bunch of moots on discord!

15. people who dont reblog about gaza.. no matter the account size..

16. i use “LMFAO” a lot because its the only way i laugh ERMM and recently ive been calling people just “boy” or “girl” LMFAO

17. uh none! its okay though i am #antisocial girl

18. i have!! check out @yeokii ‘s upcoming smau “love glitch” guys (and upcoming maybe @soov smau *cough* tdwp *cough*🤫)

19. thank GOD i havent 🙏

20. JAY PEACH PC ONE DAY I WILL GET MY HANDS ON U. also sunghoon glasses pc in romance untold 😵‍💫😵‍💫

anyways… thank u so much for sending me these questions!!

[739337369137371082]

uh apparently this account is getting activity since tumblr considers me the source of a gif i posted on a ask near 3 years ago. a few things

leave me alone im not into this shit and havent been in a very long time

this is insanely funny

now that youre actively reading this post play final fantasy 14. there are men and monsters there that will blow your dicks clean off and you dont even need to play with real people for most main story content now and you can play the base game and first expansion for free (do NOT use the steam version on pc tho, ur literally setting urself up for failure)

[phanyu]

the drama wasnt smut it was @dnpkiss *knowingly* cultivating a following of minors on their nsfw twt "as long as they dont tell me they interact with it." ive been an rps'er for 16 years, for various fandoms including phan before the gaming channel even existed. and this is NOT someone we should be defending at all and its kind of whack gross that apparently none of us can do the basics of searching what actually happened anymore jesus christ i'm so disappointed in so many of my mutuals here now

adding all 3 asks to one since i assume they all go together

listen i have no stake in this fight because i dont know any of these people, the larger context, the details, im not on dnptwt, im sure as hell not on rps twitter, and in fact i havent been active on twitter period for the duration of the "drama", i just happened to see something about it tangentially. i offhand made a silly little observational tweet, and people ran with it lol. that is not on me? i literally made this tumblr a few days ago like i have not interacted with phannies since 2012 i have no allegiance to either side! based on all this, im not really sure why youre in my inbox acting like im involved in anything. i literally made a neutrally observational post about something i found funny it's not any deeper than that. again i do not know any of these people or what goes down, nor did i make any deeper commentary on it. thanks.

[auggietopia]

i started this blog in december 2019. it was the first tumblr i was ever truly active on, and i had no idea how tags or anything worked. i was freshly 16 and at the age where i was just starting to discover who and what i was, and a lot of it came through in the poetry i posted here. i had very rigid ideas of what literature and poetry was, as i had stopped doing it for a very long time. i wanted attention. i was eager, although i didnt know it then. i was hopeful.

covid hit three months later, in march 2020. i was in the year group whose gcses were cancelled. i posted one poem right as covid hit, in march, and then my last poem i posted in september of 2020 around when i started sixth form, after the longest summer i will ever have in my life. it was also the best summer i have had in my life. i spent 5 months calling with my best friends so constantly to the point i woke up at 6pm and went to bed at 9am just to talk to them. i realised my identity and tried to come out to a mother i would quickly find out was transphobic. i made a lot of friends. i started to gain some real footing on who i was.

i blinked and i am in march 2024. it is four years and a few days since i posted my second to last poem, which is a number that feels truly shocking to type out as it feels like it has been a year at most. in 2019 i turned 16, but in 2024 i will turn 21. this fact upsets me as the absolute formative amount of ageing i went through between the ages of 13-16 feels like it was my entire life and that there isnt room for anything else worthwhile to occur. on my 18th birthday, i held the frog teddy i bought for myself and listened to lord huron at full volume to block out the fear blurring its way into the edges like a migraine. on my 19th birthday, i was alone and terrified in my university dorm. i can't even remember my 20th birthday because of how insignificant it was. ageing, past the age of 18, went from being something exciting to something terrifying in a way i told myself it never would. and yet i am still here, and yet i still age. in a few months, it will be my 21st, and it will likely be at home, and it will likely be alone.

in the space between 16 and now, a lot happened. there were some pretty good things. they sit tiny next to the fact i lost my best friend in 2021 because they turned out to be quite literally the worst person i have ever known on this planet. i will never forgive them for what they did. realistically, every problem i hold against them is so small in the scale of the universe that maybe it isn’t worth holding onto at all, but i have not learned that lesson. i am aggressively refusing that lesson, in fact. at least for right now.

my mental health also took the biggest nosedive it has ever taken. sixth form shut down all sense of self discovery i had once i begin to nosedive in my academics and lose all of my friends. i still havent regained my footing. it has been 2 years since i left sixth form, and i still havent regained my footing.

but it is nice to look back over this blog and not regret a single thing i wrote.

all of this is to say i am going to start posting here again. and, in the most cliche way possible, i am going to do it for me this time. and i am going to post whatever i want without caring whether or not it is refined enough, because life is scarily fleeting and i can do whatever i want.

i was first allergictodrowning, and when i thought that was stupid i became autumndrowns, and now i will be something else that i havent decided yet but it will definitely be equally as stupid. :)

[prince-babyface]

I havent been active on this fanblog in literal years but I'm back again!

I apologize to the people who messaged me and asked modding questions, I wish I had been able to get back to you with answers! I sadly wasnt able to post here anymore here when I was going through some very big life changes and lost access to a PC, and I kind of forgot about this blog until recently. It was actually the announcement of Good Omens season 2 coming out that reminded me of my old Crowley skin that I never got to complete, which reminded me that this blog still exists, haha.

I'm not sure if the VTMB modding community here is still active here on Tumblr, but I really want to start using this blog again because I loved making gifsets! It was so relaxing and fun for me. I don't have any of my old retexturing projects but it could be fun to get back into it again some time.

I do plan to restart this blog as a multi-fandom gif blog. You can probably expect to see future content from:

- VTMB - Morrowind - Skyrim - Breath of the Wild - Fallout - Pathologic 2 - Prey 2017 - Vampyr

So TLDR; I'm back from a very long absence, definitely going to be posting more gifs and maaaybe restart some of my old retexturing projects! :)

[markets]

hi markets how is life going for u bc basically the guy who was my best friend for years well we stopped talkign last spring completely bc long story short he was Very in love with me and i could not get myself to feel the same even though i TRIED girl i genuinely tried sohard but that just ended up with him feelinbg led on and hurt and asked to never speak to me again hahalol well yeah he just texted me out of the blue bc he got a leaked frank ocean song and sent it me. because he knows i love frank ocean and knew i wouldg love it and whAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THAT DOESNT HE REALIZE THAT NOW THIS SONG WILL BE FOREVER ATTACHED TO THE FEELING OF GUILT AND HEARTBREAK AND ILL NEVER BE NORMAL ABOUT A SONG THAT WILL PROBABLY NEVER BE RELEASED AND WILL ONLY EVER EXIST AS AN ATTACHMENT IN OUR MESSAGES????? anyway yeah. the song wasgood

ANON. anon listen to me because i literally had this exaxt same situation with my (now ex) best friend SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL almost two years ago. i also tried and i also accidentally led on and hurt them and they didnt ask me to never speak to them again and actually jsut ignored me all summer instead and likely got all our shared friends (aka most of my friends lol) to do the same so i just didnt bother trying to reconnect once school started again. im also currently on the other end of this kind of as the best friend who took that old best friends place (though we probably wouldve ended up becoming best friends even without that whole mess i hope) broke up with me after a few very good months of dating and a few very bad ones and i asked him not to speak to me for a while but then decided to reconnect with (which judging by the fact that im active on tumblr could be going better).

so yeah now that ive given you my credentials heres what you do you thank him if you havent already and tell him you hope hes doing well and then you put your phone down and go on a walk far far away from it and think about the whole thing. that isnt the best advice because there realyl is no good advice for this situation its one of those things that tears you apart and then points at you and says haha oh YOURE torn apart you say wow what a selfish asshole haha!! but honestly its so clear to me just from this one ask that you care about him so much and im sure he can see that too. if hes texting you he can at least see it a little, and if you would like to do so im sure your friendship is salvagable. the person who put me as the heartbreak emoji in their "people i had feelings for this year" tik tok last december invited me to their house last month and we laughed and joked even though last time i had been there i had been pretending to feel something i could only wish i truly felt. and i dont think theirs an effort more admirable and beautiful than trying to save something like that, than looking the world straight in the eyes and saying "you want me to leave this for dead but i wont because i CARE and that means something." i mean if he wants too of course. which if he sent the text he might thats kind of how i wnet about it when i tried to reconnect too. maybe take this with a grain of salt because im in a highly emotional time in my life but all im going to say is im sorry anon. i know how awful it is to lose a best friend. and im hoping everything goes well for both of you

[its-koili]

i need to be active again. i desperately want to talk to my friends but ever since i was sent irl gore and physical threats back around 2017 on my original tumblr (and later found out a few ppl i knew got it too just bc they were associated with me) i just havent fully recovered.

i talked abt this a bit on my priv twitter over the years and i dont want to delve back into it but i still feel so guilty still knowing that its my fault bc i was friends with those people and unknowingly brought my other friends/ex-friends into a crossfire. ig moving back to tumblr is just bringing up old memories and thats why i cant stop thinking about it. (these were the friends i had that made me cut off all of my other friends in the first place. they took up 99% of my time and would get angry if i talked to anyone else. they thought sending nasty anons like that was "funny" and i found out they did it after it was too late and ive blamed myself ever since. i trusted these ppl and took the fall for them multiple times bc i didnt have many friends but i had to put a stop to it and set up boundaries and thats when they turned on me. i was 18-19 and they were in their almost mid 20s. they scared the shit out of me and physically threatened me.) i have witnesses and im very grateful for that. these ppl arent online anymore from what ive gathered so im grateful for that too. they swatted one of our old mutuals successfully after what they did to me. i still feel so horrible for the individual who was affected and anybody who was hurt by them.

i know not everybody would do something like that (hell, hardly ANYBODY would do smthng like that.) but im still terrified of people bc of this. even people ive known for longer. if ppl i trusted with every inch of my being would do something so horrible im absolutely petrified itll happen again.

i still blame myself. maybe if i wouldnt have been friends with them this wouldnt have happened but i didnt know theyd be like that. they were so manipulative and it was terrifying. idk how to get over it and i dont know if i ever can. im terrified to open up and i just hope that these ppl have grown and changed because. fuck. it literally ruined me as a person. i hope theyre happy.

[arjunasearth]

I feel, from the bottom of my heart, that we all transition smoothely through this Lion-Gate Portal into awareness, enhancement and revealings that are necessary in order to re-navigate the course our life may have taken. A course, that does not necessarily serve us good anymore; more like energetic 'trash' (as I call it) that we are carrying with us who knows for how long. I've come to a breaking point in my relationship. I've been writing about it not only once on my blog. Ofc it is a very personal topic to me and tumblr stays the only platform where I feel called and open to write and to reflect about it in-depth. The whole month of July has been (ofc there were exeptions, but comparatively rare) a pure revealing month. I think I cried (Cancer energies, huh?) more in July that I did for the whole year (not even kidding). I always read and heard that crying is good. Healthy. It is important for letting go and to recieve , to restore. I felt more and more isolated in my relationship. Left out. Ignored. Downgraded. My partner did not feel like my partner, but more and more like a stranger to me. Ofc these feelings haven't started yesterday. Or in July. Or a month ago, Sadly, I have been 'storing' them within (And he did, as well) , always moving on and pretending that it will all balance out. NO IT WILL NOT. It requires active regulation and re-navigation of my life. Life has literally thrown the truth at me, over and over again. The signals were quite clear almost 2 (!) years ago, and still I kept ignoring them and pretended that everything is alright as long as we love each other, as long as I keep giving love. WRONG. You CAN give too much love. Not talking about stopping to give love anymore because people have hurt you. I am talking about giving too much love to very hurt people. Hurt not certainly because of oneself, but because they have been living too much in their past (e.g.) and still havent actively worked with their trauma, consequently projecting it on everybody the meet and every (intimate) relationship they have. No, I am not excluding myself. Not even for a moment. In the end, It is me realizing that I , myself have still a lot of unhealed traumas to deal with that I kept pushing away, running away from them, pretending that they are not here. And what happened? It caused only more trauma. More pain. More hurt. Feeling all of this, not only recognizing but internalizing it right now, hurts more than any words will be ever able to tell. But at the same time I feel that the hurt is necessary now in order to wake up. I gave too much of me to a very hurt human being who has only been able to give the amount of love he could. And it is not my fault. This is not about fault anymore. The concept of fault is ego-driven. I am taking about regret. I talk about feeling sorry for myself not because I want attention but because i seriously feel hurt and not understood at all. ''It's going to be okay'' I keep telling myself over and over again, while standing up, doing my shit, keep on living life. Working. Studying. moving. Also resting. The past weeks have told me clearer than they ever did how imoprtant it is to let the one you love go when it is time to do so. When you don't harmonize any more and start doubting yourself/ the other. Doubts don't come out of nowhere. There are always reasons for them . Doubting and mistrust poisons a relationship, kills it. And this is what I felt more and more, stronger and stronger. My intuition wouldn't fool me tho. It never did. It was myself who thought I'd could fool myself. So here is the reminder: Giving unconditional love is not the same as giving all of your heart to someone who is deeply hurt. They rather need a therapist than a partner, as they are mentally (and/ or even physically) not able to recieve this amount of love, to give it back. Someone who is not in alignment with his/herself should not start a relationship. Because in the end , they may have even less strength than they did before. Let go. Its is the best way you can heal . Let go and flourish.

[chl3borzoi]

SOOOOO i blocked my sister

Youre entitled to not like family after theyve done shit things.

Yes, my sister was a great resource when i was i my preteens letting me live with her during the summer, and for getting on my brothers for their behavior when i was in my early early teens but by that point it was kinda far too late

The thing that did it was on Thanksgiving last year she came with a woman weve never met before thats shes only known for 4 months saying theyre getting married in 2 weeks and moving to texas immediately after.

Our brother and his partner brought them out to lunch and tried to say hey we think youre going kinda fast you should take more time to get to know each other etc. They flat out told him theyre not invited to the wedding. Then when she gets home after that, she comes downstairs to find me and tells me theyre getting married, and she leans in and whispers "you're inviiiiteeeed~"

Shes in her early 30's

The thing is our MOM couldnt even attend because it was such short notice. And the marriage place couldnt get the shitty zoom stream to work. Our mom had to watch a recording of the service.

I looked out the deck window and saw her lying on her back on the porch watching the video and I knew her heart was broken.

Like. Christ im gonna put it all out there

I could tell stories of how my sister used to make me cry as a child, too. And where our parents failed to parent and the eldest should have taken the place of responsibility and etc she didnt give a fuck and YES a child should never have to act a parent role thats shitty but she was 15+ yrs old she shoulda fucking known better. (I have literally my entire family to blame for almost all of my issues, But still. During my crucial years i really do feel she did not care, and it didn't help that between me and her we have 3 THREE brothers who (one of which legitimately hated me ) too)) I DIGRESS

She let our childhood home turn into a jungle because she was too busy sitting in sweatpants smoking pot and drinking starbucks and begging our mom for more money to be put on her account,

(its all torn down, now too.)

We havent spoken very much,

Mostly just snapchats here and there

And a few days ago she sent me a chat on here saying shes revamping her account and wants to be active on here, so i blocked her.

Not only because i want tumblr to be an escape from personal real life shit but because i don't really wanna communicate or be reminded of her selfish dumb behavior.

Shes extremely hard to communicate with in person, too. Literally! I feel like im crazy trying to explain it. Shes so slow... it feels like trying to have a convo with her sometimes it feels like shes unintentionally gaslighting you. I know that sounds dumb but im fuckin serious.

She was so helpless when we helped her move, too. Pacing back and forth and fretting over all her shit (we're a packrat family yeah but holy fuck shes gonna end up being a fuckin hoarder) and me and our mom were just lifting stuff and carrying it out like :/

Sheesh

I don't hate her or wish her or her wife any ill will, its just. Fuck man. Walk in, break our moms heart (as if it isnt already broken after all the shit weve been thru as a family...) and act like everythings fine and perfect.

Also I literally witnessed my sister do/say this to her wife

"Hey, -blank-, come fight this pokemon go tournament for me."

Like

?!?!?!??!?

She was like "okay :D" but still thats so fucking bizarre

[selfundiagnosed]

why is it mean for someone to tell you you should get help? you're obviously in a lot of distress and should see someone about it for your own mental health...these 'patterns' you're leaning into are only exarcerbating your mental condition. but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative

to insinuate that a.) i dont know about my own mental state & wellbeing and you need to “tell me” because the psychosis makes it so i cant notice how it affects how i function every single day of my life b.) i need to delete my socials because of what someone else did to me to put me in this state c.) you somehow have any idea whats going on in my life, if im being treated, what symptoms im experiencing, that I legitimately cant tell ~whats real~ d.) noticing patterns doesnt mean im going off the deep rail LMFAO is all the stupidest shit ever.

for future reference, how you and the other anon are approaching someone you perceive as experiencing active psychosis is going to put people in active psychosis in danger to themselves. its funny to see random anons tell me what im experiencing and what i need to do about it to fix it when its evident from how this was approached you don’t actually care about me you just want to make yourselves feel like youre above me for whatever reason. “but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative” and “Deactivate your TikTok, delete the app and go see a psychologist” are sooo condescending. yeah deleting an app is absolutely gonna fix this problem. a diagnosis ive had since i was 15. stupid shits idek what to say like are you both actual tiktok teenagers who think they know everything about everything because get off my blog you suck so bad lmaooo sooo condescending. Im completely capable of making my own decisions im 22 lol i dont need tumblr anons i cant see telling me to do shit im doing already. i have a psychiatrist. ive been seeing him for years. i have a therapist. i saw her after my psychosis got retriggered. i know i am sick! i literally cant leave my house! when i do… i freak the fuck out! for HOURS !!! my family and friends all know how deeply this affects me and i promise you none of them have said this shit to me the way you and the “other anon” did. i stopped socializing, i havent made any new friends, i cant trust the people i do know im not close to anymore. i promise you i know WAYYY more than you about how it impacts me way more than you. my socials are the one open window i didnt put curtains on. i completely control what you all are able to see theough leaving this tiny window unclothed for the internet to look into my life. i dont need random people to see my jokes on my blog about my delusions and tell me its a delusion like im being very tongue in cheek about all of my delusional posts. i absolutely believe them but im making fun of myself for how crazy i sound.

i really have not a clue why youd think this is an appropriate way to approach it but it leads me to believe youre a tiktok user who probably thought the dude that manipulated his way into a famous persons house while she was manic was a Good Idea because clearly she wouldnt get help. lmfao its bad in so many facets. imagine if i was fully and completely immersed in my paranoia and delusions of being a targeted individual (which is the root of everything im experiencing right now): ask yourself how would you feel YOU felt targeted by a higher entity and now random anonymous people are telling you what you’re experiencing and how youre treated everyday isnt real and youre crazy. like to us its so very real and no amount of rationalizing makes it better. i have only small interactions every once in a blue moon these days that makes me think i could be okay and that im not being targeted and then every single day multiple times a day its shown to me continuously. this included! you and the “other anon” should really reevaluate how you talk to people in severe mental crisis because this is like the exact opposite of how you should react to seeing someone delusion posting or whatever and it shows me you dont know a single loved one with who experiences this shit.

in the future, fucking look into how you approach someone struggling. if i wasnt as lucid in my psychosis or in touch with reality you genuinely could have put me in danger. im going to send you and anyone on my blog watching me like im a circus act off with this so you never put anyone in my position in a state of self harm. but if youre too lazy to click on the link im showing you anyways

[justasopearchive]

uhmmmm.... 👉👈 im still curious about your thoughts on why you think sope has kind of drifted apart these past few years. ive been watching the two closely since 2017 and kind of went mia last 2020. only got back in the fandom late last yr so im curious about your perspective on why you think so... ive seen some sopies share the same sentiments and i wanted to get more context as to why yall arrived with almost the same idea. i already asked you this before but i noticed you still havent answered it yet. if you wont reply to this, i guess ill just take that as a hint to never ask about this topic again hehe sorry if these ever came off as delusional or anything but im honestly just curious about what happened 🥺

Oh, of course; sorry about that, my entire Tumblr is on a queue, so I’m rarely actually ON Tumblr (except yesterday) and most asks I get are lowkey toxic shipping stuff, so I ignore it 😩

It’s not delusional at all; and if it is, I’m also delulu lol. In terms of Sope in particular, I always got the feeling that Suga had a thing for Hobi…a demonstrable thing, crush, feelings, confusion, call it whatever you want. Yes, BH feeds into the madness, but I don’t think they can fake every second on camera and he (Y) was just demonstrably happier, softer and overall more energetic with him (H).

But we stopped getting damn near any interactions a few years ago. Like. At all. Even the 2021 and 2022 memories were bare bones for us Sopies.

My theory? Sometime in 2019ish something happened and one or the other said something pretty bad to the other or feelings came to a head and someone, IDK WHO, put them on ice (I tend to think it was Hobi who wanted to chill out…idk, he just never seemed as into it). And they just haven’t been the same since then. We know they used to see each other outside of work in the past because both of them have said it and there’s photo/video evidence. Now, J-Hope says he sees Suga “in the office”; a far cry from two dudes who went to concerts together or sat around and drank at their new office.

Even Yoongi being the only one not at the JITB release party. That wasn’t sus to y’all? And, yes, I know they said he “felt sick.” But come on…he turned around and performed, in outstanding health, at the Psy concert right after that. That just looked…strange.

Anyway, I’m choosing to remain delulu and force myself to believe that they love each other and Sope is not divorced and they’ve kissed (don’t worry, I know this is all jokes and fantasy…I actually believe 5/7 of Bangtan are in or have recently been in, hetero romantic relationships).

I’ve literally never “shipped” anyone else in my life and BTS is the only group of strangers I actively enjoy keeping up with (I don’t even watch reality TV 🥴)—so I’m just gonna hold on to this as my OTP for awhile lol

This is all just conjecture and gossiping on MY part.

Hope that answers your question 🙃

[crowhyun]

Hi crow!! Just wanted to check up on you! How's everything? Are you feeling ok? Any big changes in life you'd like to share? I hope you're doing great. Srsly. I rly do

Its been awhile since ive been on tumblr and when i say awhile i mean its been like mayb 2 years 💀. I still rmb when i first started reading ffs on tumblr, u were one of the first few i read and really really liked. I remember going through so many of your works after reading my first from you. Throughout the period of time when i was active on tumblr i wld always check to see if you posted anyt new and just reread ur works over and over again. I genuinely loved them so much!

The last time i was properly on tumblr, i found out u deactivated ur old acc and had recently opened this current acc. Which was crazy long ago, and that is precisely how long i havent been on tumblr. Ofc me getting busy w school was one of the main reasons i became inactive, but u also being inactive/ getting ur writers block also played a part. Pls pls plsss dont take this the wrong way, i just wanted u to know that i really do enjoy your work!

If im not mistaken, i came back on tumblr bc i was looking to reread one of ur taehyun ffs but i couldnt find ur old acc and i was panicking like crazy. Thankfully i found your new acc n found the ff i was looking for shortly after. Im telling u the sense of relief i felt when i found ur acc, crazy. U are literally the only acc i rmb now, genuinely.

Yk one of the ffs i was really looking forward to was wired hearts (i think u refer it as AI taehyun?) It really caught my eye and peaked my interest when i saw the teaser and was crazyly looking forward to it. I even sent in an ask just to find out if u were planning on continuing it if u could repost the teaser. I was a little sad when u said u didnt really know where it was going n wasnt sure how to go about it and that u probably werent gonna post it. I was looking through ur asks and saw a few ppl asking about ai taehyun (cmiiw but i am talking abt the same thing right?) and u said u were working on it(?). I was rly happy to see that and again am looking forward to it if u decide to work on it! Again dont take this the wrong way, and dont feel pressured or anyt! (Cough cough would still love to see the teaser again at some point :''), pls dont feel pressured abt it tho)

Anyways, i came on tumblr tdy rly j by chance and the first post i see is one from u!! I was rly happy to see ur user first thing whn i opened tumblr i checked ur profile to see what youve been up to and found out youve also been inactive for a pretty long time. So i j wanted to check on u while u were here! It seems like many things hv changed in ur life, like u arent a flight attendant anym??? my memory is still stuck at that point of time 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Again i hope you're doing well. Dont be too hard on yourself and always remember there are always ppl supporting thing even behind the anon user! Lots and lots of love 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

(ps. Sorry for the super long msg😅, love u!)

(pps. Sorry if theres any typos or sentences that dont make sense, did read through what i wrote😅😅, again love u lots! 🩷🩷🩷)

Okay so, I woke up randomly at like 7 am and decided to check Tumblr bcs I'm a technology obsessed Gen z and omggggg 😭 this is gonna make me cry

Like why are we fated

I really do want to keep writing, and I've started up some works, so be prepared to have some put this week! I also really do what to continue with AI Taehyun bcs I've had a pretty good prompt in my head for a while and it's a bit angsty, but I love writing angst, it's just that one will probably be longer, so maybe around 7k-10k words I just gotta LOCK IN

And as for my life, I'm doing pretty good! I'm in school now, studying medica laboratory science alongside a pre-med track, so it's fine for my freshman year, but I do know that it's going to get quite rigorous soon enough so wish me luck hehe. I also miss yapping on here about drama in my life, and I wanna get back to that too lol

And do not worry about sending long messages, I LOVE to read them, and they make me so happy! You've really pushed me further into wanting to get back on here to post frequently, and I'm really going to set my sights on doing so. I miss Tumblr and I miss yall, so although I won't be posting everyday, I'll try my hardest to post at least once a week!

Also, Thanksgiving break is starting tomorrow, and then after that, it's presentations and exams, so I'll also be kinda busy with studying 😅 I'll Mae it work tho

[mxltifxnd0m]

my darling!!

i saw your little rant post about asks and interactions and all that, and i know that i'm probably one of those moots these days who gets lots of asks but i do want to say that i've felt that way for a long long time!! i really really relate to it; i've been actively writing on tumblr for like four years now and this is the first time i've received asks this often (which i'm so grateful for ofc)! but i assure you that it's not you!! i don't really understand what makes people consistently send asks to specific blogs and i wish i did, but alas. i do not know lol.

idk if it helps much coming from me these days, but you're not alone in that feeling! i've felt it on this blog and my other one pretty consistently for a while now and (it feels like) i've only just begun to get more asks. and i think that comes and goes too; i used to have a decent amount of asks on my other blog for a bit there, but that tapered off for one reason or another even before i became inactive. idk, it's all sort of odd!! you can be the nicest, most inviting, and actively online person, and still not get much interaction for who knows what reason T_T

either way, it's so so valid and something that authors experience all over tumblr all the time i think. there's just a general lack of interaction on fics a lot of the time, and it feels discouraging not to have interaction through your inbox or other more personal ways especially because one of the nicest parts about running a blog is feeling a sense of community within it. i wish i knew what it is that attracts more asks but either way i hope people realize just how fun and lovely it is to be in your inbox <33

-mari @prentissluvr

ngl i almost started to sob when reading this (also sorry it took me a bit to get to this i was avoiding my inbox all day yesterday because i was in a bit of a mood after making that rant lol)

yeah being on a site like this is weird with user interactions since i've literally never experienced online interaction like this before since i got the app like 3-4 years ago and didn't have much of an online presence as i do now. like i only really started to write more frequently this year and before that id post a fic maybe once or twice a year? idk id have to check but it def wasn't as frequent as it has been in the past 3-4 months.

but im glad it's not twitter since its slightly less toxic (from what i've heard about twitter since i havent used it a day in my life) and yeah i just was feeling lots of things when i made that rant and needed to get it out.

thank you thank you for sending this in my love it made me feel better about just everything in general and i always smile when i see you in my inbox <33

[lucaloveless]

Updates after like 5000 years of silence

-Gonna be abandoning the dinger den name because the dinger is no longer my fursona. They havent been since I came out as trans.

-My hopes is that I can grow an audience based on things that I'm really passionate about, and not have it be 100% Digimon, 100% of the time. I love all things horror. But it really frustrating how little anyone really cares about my horror content.

-I love Digimon with my entire heart and soul and Digimon: Warriors of Chaos and Order is my literal baby. But damn feels like a huge rejection for people to essentially ignore my horror stuff. It's so deeply personal to me and makes me feel more fufilled to draw a lot of the time. I'm honestly more proud of that then some of the Digimon stuff Ive made.

-I'm someone with very severe trauma from both DA/SA and I live in a very toxic and abusive home situation with my transphobic mother. I have crippling mental health problems which is almost completely unaffected my medicine. I have to go to a mental health clinic to get get ketamine sprayed up my nose every three weeks to make sure the darkness doesnt completely take over. Drawing the darkness helps me cope with how fucked my situation is. Sometimes you just have to draw what you feel ya know? I guess that's why it hurts so much. Why it feels like such a huge rejection. Like people, don't understand me or care much about stuff that is incredibly deep and meaningful to me. More then just surface level me. I feel pretty missunderstood a majority of the time.

-Ive also been trying for years to grow my twitter following, to little success. Ive been there for 15 years, and I don't even have 200 followers. It's incredibly disheartening to be honest. So maybe I'm better off trying somewhere else for a while. I won't completely stop posting there, but I want to try posting here and see how that goes.

I'll be following people here who's art I really like and want to follow. I'll post stuff like commissions and requests here. But the other blogs are where I will be the most active for my personal projects.

Got off on a tangent but anyway..

My Horror tumblr is here - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucas-freak-factory

My Digimon story tumblr is https://www.tumblr.com/blog/digimon-warriorsofchaosandorder The profiles for the digimon story characters. https://www.tumblr.com/digimonwocao-profiles

My Animal Crossing tumblr is here - https://www.tumblr.com/blog/luca-crossing

Places to find me: lucaloveless - Discord https://toyhou.se/LucaLoveless (Main Toyhou.se) https://toyhou.se/Digimon_WoCaO (Story Toyhou.se) https://toyhou.se/lucaschaoticshop (Sale Toyhou.se) https://www.furaffinity.net/user/lucaloveless (Furaffinity) https://www.instagram.com/lucaloveless (Instagram) https://www.deviantart.com/lucaloveless (Deviantart)