#i haven't written in like 4 years
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Waylon couldn't sleep. But, that wasn't unusual anymore. Atleast not for the last several years. Some nights were better than others. When the night terrors were only nightmares and he didn't wake screaming. For the longest time he'd taken to sleeping on the other end of his home as not to startle Lisa awake. After extensive therapy, medication changes and some sleep studies he could share a bed with his wife again.
But tonight, Waylon couldn't sleep.
He quietly pulled himself out of bed and padded through the house. Waylon pulled a sweater off the coat rack and wrapped it around himself. Stepping out into the night air he took a deep breath. After the escape from Mount Massive and he found Lisa , they packed up the boys and moved as far as they could.
The house was nice and basically- In the middle of nowhere. It helped the healing process.
Foot steps echoed softly on the wood , but Waylon didn't lift his head. He knew who was approaching him.He always heard them on nights he couldn't sleep. But this time it had been six , maybe seven months since the last visit.
Miles sat himself beside Waylon, not a word spoken between them. Miles pulled a cigarette from his pocket and lit it. The flame lighting his gold and black eyes briefly. Waylon didn't know when he started smoking.
“ Wanna hit?” Miles asked , holding out the cigarette.
“ God, no. Lisa would strangle me.” Waylon said. A ghost of a smile on his lips.
“ Suit yourself, Park.” Miles shrugged. Taking a long drag.
“ How do you even find me? “ Waylon asked , not looking at Miles.
“ I always know where to find you.”
“ Creepy , Upshur.”
Miles chuckled. “ When you aren't really human anymore - It's got its perks, I guess.”
“ Like helping you be a stalker ?”
“ Waylon! You wound me. I'm not stalking you. Just think of it as a friend visiting you.” Miles grabbed over his heart in mock hurt.
“ You'll never tell me how you find me will you?”
“ Not at all.” Miles said with a smile.
Both men sat in silence for a long time. Their shoulders and knees brushed occasionally, it was a quiet comfort for both of them.
“ You know..” Waylon started. “ You could stay. There is more than enough room here. Lisa already agreed to it and we could figure out something to tell the boys.”
“ Waylon.. You know I can't. “ It was brought up almost every time they saw each other in the beginning. Waylon almost begged Miles to stay. However, over time, Waylon slowly stopped asking.
A part of Miles wanted to say yes. Wanted to become a part of the Park family and forget everything but how to be human again. How to be loved. But he'd never get what he really wanted. A sick part of him wanted it to be just the two of them again
But Miles would never take him away from Lisa or his boys. Miles wanted so badly to be selfish and convince him to run, but he also knew that Waylon wouldn't leave his family again. Miles was a piece of the puzzle that couldn't fit. And he wasn't going to force himself to fit. Even when Waylon looked at him like that.
“ Waylon. We've talked about it. It won't work. I'd be a reminder of what happened. We'd remind each other. I'd remind your family.”
Waylon rolled his eyes in frustration. “ Then why bother even coming back? If you’re so fucking worried about it.”
“ Because I love you.” Oh shit.” Not in like a - I wanna fuck you or leave your wife and marry me way.” Anxiety tight in his gut for the first time in a long time. “ Look, Park. We've been through hell together and we have a bond. We kept eachother alive and I love you for that.”
Waylon looked at him like he saw right through his bullshit.
“ Why do you keep hurting yourself like this Miles.”
Because hurting is the only thing that makes me feel human anymore, Waylon.
But Miles will never say that.
After a few beats of silence, Waylon signs. “ I love you too. In your weird fucked up way I guess.”
Before Miles could think of a remark. A light from the house flipped on. No doubt Lisa noticing her husband was gone and looking for Her husband.
Miles stood, so did Waylon. Miles knew this was his cue to leave.
“ Miles- “ Waylon was caught off by a brush of lips to his own. Quick gentle, almost like a ghost.Waylon's eyes fluttered shut.
Waylon loved his wife. Waylon loved his kids. Waylon did not loves Miles back in the way he wanted. And that was okay.
Miles promised this would be the last time he came to see Waylon. Just like the time before and the time before that.
Waylon opened his eyes again and Miles was gone.
#outlast#outlast whistleblower#miles upshur#waylon park#camerashipping#kinda?#just sad boys who need a hug#i haven't written in like 4 years#sorry if its mid
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Get in, loser. We're moving to Del Sol.
It's time to fuck around and find out.
Meet our new legacy founder for The Beginner's Drama Challenge by @cosmoosims.
Trinity is a 20-year-old scorpio with a proclivity for rebellion. She has recently moved into a run-down fixer-upper out in the suburbs of Del Sol Valley, leaving her hometown of Tomarang in the dust.
Her given name is actually Pham Trinh, but for totally legal and completely unsuspicious reasons has been going by the alias Trinity since making the move.
She loves death metal, The Matrix, wasabi snacks, and rottweilers.
Big shout-out to my inspirations for this story-driven gameplay: @oshinsimblr (for her recent Griffon Legacy videos over on youtube) and @pixelnrd (for her decades challenge story with the iconic Langston Legacy). Please check them out if you haven't already, I'm obsessed with both of them!
#starting a casual story with this legacy challenge!!!#I'm so excited#I haven't written a sims story in like 2 years I think#not since losing my beloved Supernatural Legacy save ToT#I think I'm finally ready to start a new one though!#also I'm not sure yet when I'll start actually posting this story as I'm still very busy irl#I just couldn't help but post this intro lol#phamgen1#trinity pham#beginners drama challenge#simblr#the sims#ts4#sims 4#sims 4 story#the sims 4
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here's some benreys for y'all!!! it's meal time little ones!!!! nobody starves today. i provide
also random gordo he's here too i guess-
#hlvrai#benrey#gordon feetman#i really wanna just. spit out hlvrai content everywhere all the time#STUFF. i hate the word content. 's just stuff#i just wanna give back to the fandom yk?#i've been reading so much wonderful fanfiction lately and i love everyone's creativity so muchhh#and i Wanna Create!!!!!!#i wanna give back!!!!!#i wanna inspire!!!!!#screw depression i wanna write and draw and Scream#i've never written anything before#okay that was a lie but. like#i haven;t written stories in a While#like 4 years maybe#and Definitely haven't written anything in english#and i kinda sorta have ideas but not really#and i feel like im really bad at understanding characters and keeping them in my brain#and im so desperate for ideas but there isn't a Spark that would grab my attention and make me go brrrrrrrr#what do people do in situations like thisssss#is there like a weird silly way to write fanfic that makes things less scary..#weird upsidedown stupid little fanfic game thing#okay my brain blinked i think im done#i'll keep y'all updated maybe probably?#k thanks for coming to my ted talk byeeeee!!!#art tag or whatever
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Royal Horses
@morningstarequestrian's new Baroque Tack Set is absolutely perfect for tacking up the horses from my story save. (which I've been neglecting for the past year+) (Other pieces are from the Medieval Tack Set or the Medieval Round Bridle. The first outfits are from @objuct's Traditional Arabian Set, plus one of my recolors of that set.)
(also obligatory tagging @simgerale because Phillip pics.)
The first two outfits are something I could see being like, a parade outfit, at least for Alena. (Kristopher wouldn't be involved in any parades back in Oryn, I just wanted to test out all my cc.) Especially the version with the tassels isn't practical for just recreational riding, but it certainly looks nice for a parade, and does resemble parade-type outfits.
Alena's 2nd-3rd outfits and Phillip's 2nd-4th outfits are just more general-purpose riding. Two different saddles each and a few different saddle pads for Phillip.
Phillip's 5th outfit and Alena's 4th and 5th are potentially more of long-distance setups. Maybe like some kind of tour, where Fallon would be riding for long distances, but still want to look formal / be seen by people. (Again, not really something Kristopher and Phillip would have been doing, but it looked good on him and I wanted to test stuff out.) Alena has a second variation because technically white isn't one of Anvia's royal colors, but black is, so if it was a public event, she might tack in black. Especially as that would show less wear and dirt than the white for long travel.
The last pic is a blanket for Phillip because it gets cold in Oryn, especially in the winter and late fall/early spring. Alena doesn't really need a blanket most of the time, since Anvia's winters are much milder. (They don't often get snow, and when they do it's rarely more than an inch or two at a time.)
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4 CAS#ts4 CAS#adventures in cas#cas#ts4 horses#sims 4 horses#*rtq extras#rtq: Alena#rtq: Phillip#yes they get their own tags.#ugh I miss posting RTQ/ATQH. I love that story and I would REALLY love to get back to it someday.#but I kind of got stuck and I haven't written ANYTHING in over a year aside from rewrites of dnd sessions and character backstories.#so... yeah.#I miss it so much though. It means the world to me.#anyways. if you read under the cut my rambling about the outfits ily.#I know a lot of these are very similar outfits but they are all fitting a certain style.#the tack in this world generally does look like more or less like this at least in Anvia and Oryn. Orain is more... decorative at times.#but I mean. It's Oraine. When are they NOT overly decorative.#I've been so excited for this tack set since I saw the preview posted MONTHS ago and I was THRILLED that it got released today.#SO much fun to tack up these two.#I don't really have any other horses made so these two got to be the guinea pigs.#and they rocked it.
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I just asked myself the question, "what if Red and Chloe failed in the end?" and now I'm spiraling.
This may have to be the first full fic I ever made.
Stay tuned!
#and the fact is#i haven't written angst in like 4 5 years#so this'll be fun#the rise of red#decendants 4#descendants the rise of red#glassheart#chloe charming#chloe x red#red hearts#fanfiction#descendants#redcharming#charminghearts
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Prompt 12 -Identity
In the aftermath, the weeks and months that follow that day, they,all of them, form a strange, precarious detente. Porsche is Pete’s best friend and they talk every damn day. And it proves impossible to completely disentangle himself from the minor family business. They are still family, no matter how much Vegas wishes he could drain the blood from his veins, from Macau’s and replace it with something new and untainted. And Korn doesn’t let go of family -- not unless they’re in a coffin. The evil fuck kept his sister locked in a secret room for years. Vegas is still a little smug about that when he looks at Kinn. Sure his Pa sucked but not quite that much.
Sometimes though, sometimes, Vegas looks at Porsche and he remembers that the first time his Pa looked at him like he was nothing, the first time he hit him was the day after Porsche “died”. And no matter how almost friendly they are now, he hates and hates. His mind is a red haze, filled with all the ways he could have/should have/would have tortured Porsche. And he has to leave. He goes to the lakehouse, takes a stack of books and waits. Pete always comes for him.
But those days grow fewer as time passes. Vegas will never trust Korn, but turns out the bastard really is sick. And when he’s gone, things ease a lot. Vegas doesn’t even realize the slow turn from tenuous contentment to happiness, doesn’t notice when he stops expecting everything to fall apart, to be taken from him like always. He just knows that one day, he looks at Porsche and something dark and knotted inside him breaks apart and disappears. He looks at Porsche and he knows that it was never, ever about Vegas. There was nothing wrong, or broken about him. Pete’s lesson finally settles deep inside him. He could have never made his father happy, because he was the wrong son.
#kpanniversary2024#kp anniversary 2024#prompt 12 identity#this was meant to be a drabble#this wasn't meant to be at all I swore I would never write KP fic#I haven't written any fic in like 4 years so IDEK where this came from#kp fanfic#kinnporsche the series#kinnporsche#vegas theerapanyakul#porsche kittisawasd#gun theerapanyakul#pete saengtham#vegas x pete#I should be working rn tbh
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read your fic about cooper and lucy (all i want) and i adored it so i just wanted to tell you that !!! keep writing because you're talented!!
THIS ACTUALLY MADE MY DAY TYSM ??? I DIDNT EXPECT ANYBODY TO ACTUALLY ENJOY IT MUCH LESS REACH OUT ON TUMBLR AND TELL ME
#asks#inbox#context: I blacked out at 4 AM last night and when I regained actual consciousness I had posted a platonic Cooper x Lucy fic to ao3#I lowkey haven't written in like half a year and posted anything to ao3 since 2021 idk how I did it#if enough (like 3 probably) people want the link then I'll post it here ...#fallout#fallout tv#fallout tv series#fallout tv show#lucy maclean#cooper howard#the ghoul#writing#ao3#Paranoid radio originals
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I'm really bad at law school 🧍♀️
#just got my mark back for an essay#buh-bye honours program next year ig#I haven't been handing anything in on time but this is the first time someone's actually picked up on it and deducted marks#IF IT'S HANDED IN THE SAME DAY JUST HOURS AFTER 4 PM BUT BEFORE MIDNIGHT WHY IS IT COUNTED AS A DAY LATE#granted this specific one was like 10 mins before midnight#but holy shit bro I got murdered in my feedback#I'm too stupid for law school honestly why the fuck am I here#yes I passed and I got a credit but that's not what I was aiming for and it's not what I would have gotten if it wasnt late#because I could have been that much closer to a distinction which would ease some pressure of the exam off#but nooo I had to get marks taken off for handing it in BEFORE MIDNIGHT#got told I don't really seem to have an understanding of corporate theory and I seem confused#it was clear I engaged with the materials But Not Enough#do you know how many FUCKING sticky notes I have in my damn textbook??#I even looked at a SECOND textbook!#and took written-on-paper-notes to try and wrap my head around the different theories that applied to the topic and how to argue them!#on top of what notes I had from the lecture slides#and you're telling me 😭 that was all just for my professor to call me silly in fifty different nicer forms? 😭#had a cry because I am Going Through It today#and I have another assignment to hand in tonight#and then another one next week#and another one the week after#AND the week after that#and then it's my exams 😔 someone please murder me
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Eyes on Me - Huskerdusk whump
"If I knew it was this easy to get ya' to strip for me, I woulda' stabbed myself ages ago," he grins, panting.
"If I knew it's the only thing to make you shut up, I would'a stabbed you ages ago."
Angel gets hurt in the battle against Heaven. Husk is there to keep him grounded. Shameless whump, ambiguous relationship.
Read on AO3
Husk hears the sound of Angel's breath being punched out of his lungs. He turns in time to see a bullet explode an Exorcist's head in a shower of golden blood and viscera, but not before it had released the spear it had been about to throw. Husk watches Angel hit the ground, and a flick of his wrist sends a card slicing through the throat of the Exorcist Husk had been battling, and then he's moving, racing to the fallen sinner. He skids to his knees, mindless to the rubble tearing at his skin and clothes. Angel is turned on his side, his body curled around the spear embedded in his gut. Husk goes cold.
He puts a hand on Angel's shoulder to turn him over, but the second he makes contact Angel's eyes fly open. Two hands come up to shove at the intruder above him, another making a frantic grab for the gun that had fallen from his grasp, but only succeeds in knocking it further away.
"Easy, Legs, it's just me," Husk says, grabbing two of his wrists. Angel almost immediately goes slack with relief.
"Oh, shit," he says breathlessly. "Hey, Husky."
"Hey yourself," Husk gently turns Angel onto his back to get a better look at the injury. "C'mon, lemme see." An Angelic spear buried in his stomach, blood already seeping around the intrusion.
"Well, that ain't good," Angel laughs weakly before his face screws up in a wince.
"No, it ain't." Husk agrees grimly. He looks around and sees the others crowded around a bloody and ranting Adam. He knows field medicine, but this is Angelic weaponry. "Don't move, I'm gonna get help." The second Husk shifts, two of Angel's hands grab at him frantically, and a pained noise escapes his mouth at the movement.
"Easy, I'm just gonna go get Charlie and Vaggie. They'll know what to do."
"Don'- Don' leave me," Angel's voice breaks, and through the pain Husk can see the fear in his eyes. Another glance at the others and Husk eases back down, taking the hand Angel had grabbed him with and pressing it to his lips.
"I'm not going anywhere." Angel was already looking pale; Husk wipes cold sweat from his forehead and the sinner leans into the touch.
Husk yells for Charlie, his voice cracking betraying his desperation. Vaggie hears and turns to look, immediately paling and grabbing Charlie's arm to drag her towards them. One of Angel's hands goes towards the spear, but Husk takes the bloody hand in his own.
"It hurts," he says weakly.
"I know it does. Don't touch it. Charlie's on her way; she's gonna get you fixed right up. You'll be back to impaling yourself on wolf dick in no time." Angel laughs, but the sound turns into a whimper.
He shivers, and Husk uses his free hand to pull off his jacket, covering Angel's chest and shoulders. Vaggie and Charlie skid to their side as Husk rips off his shirt too, buttons flying as he bunches it against Angel's stomach to staunch the blood seeping from the side of the wound. Angel groans and grabs for Husk's wrist, who desperately wishes he had more hands.
As Vaggie starts shouting orders, Angel blinks blearily up at Husk.
"If I knew it was this easy to get ya' to strip for me, I woulda' stabbed myself ages ago," he grins, panting.
"If I knew it's the only thing to make you shut up, I would'a stabbed you ages ago."
"Charlie, get Lucifer. It's Angelic weaponry, he's the only one who can deal with it. Niffty, needle and thread. Husk, hold him. Get ready to staunch the bleeding." Vaggie presses gently on either side of the spear, before swiftly pulling it out in one clean motion. An agonized cry is wrenched from Angel's throat. Blood immediately starts pouring out of the wound, and Husk bunches his shirt against Angel's stomach and leans his entire body weight onto it. A strangled cry and Angel's bloody hands scrabble towards the injury, his legs kicking uselessly against the ground. He coughs and blood dribbles down his chin.
"Keep him calm," Vaggie orders, grabbing the flask she knows Husk keeps on his person at all times, and takes over putting pressure on the wound. Husk moves to Angel's head, smoothing hair back from his face, cradling his cheek.
"F-fuck," Angel whimpers, tears squeezing from the corners of his eyes.
"I got you." Husk can hear Vaggie and Lucifer talking in low, urgent voices. Angel relaxes slightly when Vaggie relieves the pressure to expose the wound. Blood is pooling underneath Angel's body, soaking Husk's pants. Lucifer carefully draws out the Angelic magic from the wound, the last glimmer of gold barely gone before Vaggie dumps the contents of the flask onto the open wound and then presses the bloody shirt back in place.
Angel's back arches as he screams, the sound like a knife through Husk's heart, and he barely gets a hand under Angel's head in time to shield it from smacking against the ground as he writhes in pain. One hand smears blood against his face, another scratches at Husk's bare arm, a third pushes weakly against his chest, and the fourth is flung to the side in agony. Still cradling his head with one hand, Husk strokes his fur gently with his thumb and takes two of Angel's hands to hold against his chest; sobbing quietly, Charlie takes the other two, and Husk makes sure he's filling Angel's field of vision as he shushes him softly and murmurs comforting nonsense.
"I know. You're doin' so good, kid. You're gonna be okay. I got you. I'm right here. Just keep your eyes on me."
Angel's face is ashen, looking at Husk like he's the only thing left in the universe, the pain and fear in his eyes starting to lose focus as the pool of blood grows beneath him. His breaths become shallow and hitch in his throat, the grip on Husk's hand starts to loosen, causing him to grip it tightly back. He makes a small noise as he struggles to keep his eyes open, and Husk swallows thickly and presses their foreheads together.
"It's okay. I'm not goin' anywhere. I'mma stay with you the whole time, and I'll be right there when you wake up. Promise." Husk feels Angel's hot breaths panting shallowly against his face, and the weight of his head against his hand increases before his hands go lax in Husk's grip. Husk closes his eyes tightly and finally allows tears to fall.
#hazbin hotel#angel dust#husk#huskerdust#whump#hurt angel#hurt/comfort#shameless whump#I haven't written fanfic in like 8 years#haven't written anything in 4#just fucking take it#dont judge me#blood and injury#fic#fanfiction#my stuff#idk
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fic talk in the tags 💝
#aaaaaaaa i have only 4 stores left to write for the advent calendar and then i'm done?! 😭#i can't believe it guys i might actually be able to pull this off 👀#i've literally just winged it day after day with minimal planning#and i haven't even had a breakdown once? gonna knock on wood here real quick lol#i've had so much fun writing all these little stories too 🥺 and i'm fairly satisfied with them as well! yes!! me!! my biggest critic!!#i'm not gonna be writing anything for a while after i get these last ones done though lol i've written SO MUCH during these past weeks#however i did write down a short piece of dialogue in finnish the other day 👀#like. literally 11 words and idk if i'm ever gonna write more but those words just...came to me so i had to write them down somewhere#(it has been peer-reviewed as 'perfect' (thanks eetu <3) and you can totally slide in my DMs if you're curious)#and the college/uni au i've been playing with practically all autumn is something i definitely want to give a try#(so far i only have some random notes and moodboards 😅)#but whatever i'll end up writing i'll do it because i want to and that's what's important 🤍#thank you so much everyone who has been reading these stories or any of my fics this year#i really am not expecting anyone to read my stories and i'm happy if even just one person does 🥺#okay sappy talk over now back to writing byeeeeee#*stories
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Nyx Anymore Idea's for the Sketchbook Beauty and The Beast Sketchbook AU .
It's kind of been on the back of my mind for a week and I would love to hear more about it .
I think I'm going to keep my cards close to myself since updating the AU and finally finishing the fic are things I'm looking forward to doing when I finally get some time, but given that you like the idea, might I entertain you with what I have already written?
#warnings: its really ooc for Kaisa since it was written b4 s2#it's only about halfway written#and I wrote it 4 years ago. which by itself means the quality is. bad :')#But I'm glad you like the idea behind the AU!#I haven't really gotten any further thinking about a spin using Johanna as the beast if that's what you're asking for though#wife answers asks
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guys we r so back irs 3.2k words so far and im not even halfway done 🙏
#3.2k doesnt sound like much but considering i haven't written in#LITERALLY almost a year....#thats good 4 me.....#talking
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smth abt chan written, arranged, produced songs that make me wanna pick apart his process and brain and thoughts... i wanna make music with him i think he's so thoughtful with the instruments and sounds he uses and i wish i could talk abt it with him and know what he's thinking abt when he uses this kinda sound instead of this one...
#my favourite dream has always been making a song with him...#i haven't written music in 4 years and he makes me ACHE FOR IT ..:#i wanna write music again i just feel like i have nothing to write abt anymore#but when i hear his music i get so inspired and giddy bc ??? wow he's so cool and talented and smart I JUST !!!!!!!#you guys . DO YOU GET IT???#i wanna swim in his mind...#he's so interesting to me... he's such a ?????? IDEK YOU GUYS I CANT PUT IT INTO WORDS#whatever he sucks idc abt him 👍 I DONT LOVE HIM!!!!!!! THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR MEEEEEE#li.txt
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just had an unreasonably bitchy reaction, see yall in 20 minutes when im crying because i was unreasonably bitchy
#i really really need to get that adhd diagnosis 🫠#bc my bitchy reaction was because i didn't communicate early enough that i wouldn't be coming to a family thing today#in my defence i was never told any start time or anything else; just a 'will you be there' a week ago.#wasn't told who would be there or how long or what exactly#and tbh since i was only told like over dinner without anything written to remind me it didn't feel like a thing so important#that id have to give a few days notice#like im not the only one at fault here#sure i could have said that i have no energy to come earlier#ugh this feels like being a teenager all over again#every single fucking christmas my parents play tug of war for who of them im gonna visit on christmas#'but we don't want to guilt trip you' well cool i still feel guilt tripped i haven't stopped feeling guilt tripped since i was fucking 14#it's fucking always spend time with us this spend time with us that as if i want to split up my fucking weekend#every fucking time i ride the train to my hometown for 4 hours with oh yes even more traveling#it's always the 'no pressure but we want to see you again' like saying no pressure somehow takes off all pressure#at least my mom openly guilt trips me while my dad and stepmom somehow believe that they're not stressing me tf out#i swear next year im going to neither on christmas. maybe going to my boyfriend.
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so many things to grade in the next ~24 hours and i am SO tired from teaching as well as the makes-you-tired disease but we're going to do the bare minimum of grading and call it a day ig
#just glad it's today and not yesterday when i could barely make it over to the table to host zoom office hours#i like bare minimum grading anyway; last year all i did was give out 100s on homework#it definitely is something that our supervisor expects me & other person w my job to have 1 day turnarounds on 30-40#written/qualitative assignments via a long rubric while we are both actively very sick#idk. worst of both worlds you are in charge of everything about the class on paper but not the materials or the grading scheme#or the lesson plans or the course structure. etc.#good thing is you get to be the ultimate grade-enterer for a core class & pass everybody#but yeah. this place is so reliant on grad labor; now that 4(?) of us are sick &still doing our jobs but slower the world is in turmoil etc#theorycomp tag#carol overreacts to life#like; breaking news: a covid surge at the beginning of the semester when maskless undergrads are moving in means ppl will get sick#also: tried getting another person in the theory teaching force to cover one of my classes last friday and my supervisor was like#'they haven't been here long enough; they're not qualified' & like. idk#not allowed to cancel our own classes bc we have to keep up with her class but there aren't enough qualified ppl to get subs so ???#wack. truly wack situation#so called progressives/liberals when the pandemic isn't over and we aren't 'back to normal' etc
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ffxv makes me so emotional oh my god 🥹🫶🏼
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxv. ]#i love love love final fantasy so much like. video games in general i cld rlly ramble abt each of my interests for hours like i'm#v much ffxv mood rn. god esp that one story two years back i've mentioned it so much here atp but IT REALLY IS SO PERSONAL N#CRINGE???? IDK IT MAKES ME EMBARRASSED A BIT but like embarrassed /pos like. it's me. younger me. n i'm still v fond of it.#..still makes me shy though but even more i finished writing that uh oneshot back then w noctis#childhood friends to lovers uhuh secretly in love but both think it's unrequited uhuh#why has that always been among my fav tropes.. I DON'T EVEN RLLY HAVE CHILDHOOD FRIENDS? there's nothing irl that inspired it at all.#but then ^ that's also w my uhhhh original characters n then my wol too in ffxiv honestly n#even with other characters.. a v similar sentiment w claude n like lancelot or lucifer. ffxv / fe3h / gbf were my top 3 back in 2020#botw hades octopath acnh & other ff were games that i rlly rmb then too. but ever since ffxiv i haven't been able to play much other vgs 😭#the witcher 3. nier automata demo. code vein demo. genshin. hzd. rdr2. ac odyssey n lots more but god i've barely finished any#OH I NEARLY FORGOT.. I'M SO SORRY must be bcs i was listening to it earlier so i thought i already wrote it but kh3 yes#AAAA WAIT I'M RAMBLING AGAIN I WAS GNA WORK ON SOME STUFF BEFORE I SLEEP 🥹 sleep by 3 for more hours or by 4 so i can uh#get some stuff done before tmrrw? i will. do my best this week as quickly as i can so i can.. rest? my mind rlly needs a rest i think ><#yk what i can always write n do more the next day yeah i'll sleep no later than 3:30#i think i'm going back more to my old self again but i'll do my best to not isolate or distance myself too much i don't want to destroy#things even more like. in that. dream n. in the past when. i thought i was over it but i think those wounds r reopening#but i'm stronger than them n. fuck. it's the same as before n that's why i'm crying that's why i'm so afraid that's why it hurts so much#but i've written too much here. it hurts so much but even if it feels too similar to.. back then it's. not the same it's not the same#i've improved i've gone this far i've made friends i've made so much memories. but i'm so afraid that i'll fuck up again n#i think i'm like this bcs. oh ffs my dream told me basically that i really do think i already fucked up. i'm sorry. i'm so sorry#the past.. present. the future. too fast too much n it's just like before n that's. why i'm helpless to it. i can do better but this#i forgave them but maybe i haven't forgiven myself. entirely at least. so. the familiarity of this rn is keeping me frozen in place?#n then other stuff r so overwhelming too n fuck i don't want to think about this anymore i'll be fine i'm fine i can do this on my own#..no. i can't do that again. fuck i'm crying so much why does this feel the same as two years back#i'm sorry please don't forget me please don't leave me please tell me i didn't fuck up please don't tell me i did it again#i'm sorry i was doing better i was healing but i'm back to this again i know better but i can't do any more rn n i'm sorry i'm so sorry#fuck it i'll wipe away these tears. it feels so empty inside but i'll feel better somehow by the morrow. i don't want to be a burden nymore#i know it's bad n i don't want all my progress to be for naught but.. no i can't fuck this up again but i feel i alrdy have. i'm sorry. gn
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