#i haven't thought about anything else

[claudia-kishi]

DOOM PATROL (2019-2023) Fame Patrol (Season 4, Episode 8)

[secriden]

This line. God, this line! It has been eating me up inside for 2 days now, because let's not forget, this line isn't about love, it's about trust. And that has implications that make me want to scream.

It's a direct reference to this moment earlier in the episode:

At the start of this discussion, Style and Fadel still have a kind of playful air about their conversation:

Style: Oh? Not even me? Fadel: You're at 80% at best. I feel like you're hiding something from me in the 20%.

In this exchange, though, there's a sense that Fadel is issuing a challenge, like there's something specific which Style can do to gain Fadel's full trust. And while Style knows there are things he cannot (yet) reveal to Fadel, I think a part of him is determined to be as honest as he can be, which is why he issues a challenge of his own by asking for more specificity:

Style: What do I have to do to gain your complete trust?

Part of this question is a simultaneously inquisitive and deflective - What (and why) do you think I'm hiding (something) from you? - but there's also a moment after Style finishes speaking where he stills and goes quiet that feels... genuine, weighty. Or, as @airenyah has pointed out in her meta on Style in episode 4, the "grounded[ness]" in Style's demeanour is a signal that Style means what he's saying in the moment. Maybe about his own desire to be worthy of Fadel's trust, maybe about how he genuinely does want this relationship to be real in whatever way that matters to Fadel.

I think Fadel sensed that too, because the moment looses all the lightheartedness it had before. Fadel pauses, and then gets a look on his face that just... breaks my heart. There's a sombreness there, like he knows he's going to have to say something that makes him sad. Fadel looks away, and then down, before he seems to steel himself and says:

Fadel: It'll never happen. No matter how much you love someone, I just don't believe that you can completely lay yourself bare in front of them.

Fadel says this like it's fact. Like what he's expressing is something foundational and true and irrefutable. It's not even about his doubt in Style's honesty, because this statement has no qualifiers or conditions put on it to connect it to Style. Rather this is what Fadel fundamentally believes about relationships and trust: he finds the very concept of being fully known and still accepted an impossibility.

Sure, maybe this is because of the falling out (or betrayal or disappearance) associated with the former lover; but I also think it might be because Fadel is acutely aware not only that he's hiding a rather big and dark secret (not to mince words, but: actual literal premeditated murder), but also about what it implies about Fadel. Because being able to kill another human, coldly and clinically and without remorse, takes a certain type of person. Because, yes, Fadel has lived through an absolutely harrowing and traumatising event (his parents' murder), but it's also undeniable that it changed him. Because there's something about Fadel that twisted dark and which he never quite got back. There's an anger, a hurt that colours every moment of his life; that enables him to look a man in the eyes, smile politely, and pull a trigger.

And at this point in their relationship, Fadel's understanding of Style is that he's... well, kind of innocent. Especially in comparison to Fadel and Bison, and even Kant.

Style, who easily reveals facts about his life which Fadel already knows (winning a car tuning competition), making Fadel doubt his own instincts about Style hiding secrets. Style, who also reveals the things Fadel doesn't know, like the tender and secret pain of a mother lost to cancer (which, now that I think about it, Fadel may also know) and his worries about a father who "lost his bearings for a bit" (which he probably doesn't). Style, who tries to comfort Fadel in his own loss by offering a safe space and a sympathetic ear.

Style, who doesn't just see Fadel for his tragedy, but is asking to be given the chance to accept all of Fadel as a person. Style, who not only wants but has the capacity, to be the only person Fadel needs to rely on. Style who, despite the sea of differences between them, understands Fadel on a level that is so very foundational.

I'm going to slightly segue and mention something that may not resonate with everyone, but really hit me in the gut this episode: because I lost my father when I was 16 after he battled cancer for 2 painful years. And this revelation about Style has totally shifted and coloured everything Style has done in a new light for me. Because not only does this totally explain Style's sometimes almost stubbornly childish demeanour (it's common in adults who've had to 'grow up' too early), but also why Style shows seemingly random flashes of insight and maturity when they are most crucial. Notably, Style has this almost instinctive sense of when he needs to back off a sore point with Fadel that I couldn't quite put my finger on until this episode.

I've seen a few jokes about Style's awkward subject change, but I've actually got a friend who I hold very dear to my heart who was one of the only people to give me a sense of normalcy and comfort when my dad was on his last few days and then at his funeral. And part of that was the instinctive way she would know when I needed to just. Not be a grieving daughter for a few minutes. To get a small respite from the overwhelming hopelessness and sense of impending loss. To get a moment to breathe and gather my strength, because knowing I was never going to see my dad again, or hear his voice, or hold his hand was tearing me apart back then. Sometimes she'd talk to me about college drama, sometimes she'd introduce a new kpop video to me, sometimes she'd just ask me what I wanted to eat and take me to go have a meal with her. And sometimes there really just isn't anything else to say other than "I'm sorry." Nothing you say - nothing you can say - is going to ever, ever make this grief go away, and in most cases, it was better when people (especially those who couldn't really understand) didn't try.

And I think if you look at Fadel very closely, there's a moment of genuine surprise (Fadel wasn't expecting the subject change at all) and then... something that looks like fondness mixed with exhausted relief. Because I don't think Fadel was ready to talk about his parents yet. This was honesty he wasn't ready to give Style, mostly prompted because Style himself had willingly been so vulnerable that a part of Fadel wanted to reciprocate. But further down that path lies not only his darkest memories, but also the connection to the part of his life he is not willing to share with Style yet. So this subject change is a relief, it's a blessing, but it's also Style knowing when he shouldn't push any further with Fadel's fragile heart.

Which brings me back to how well the episode's theme of trust (both deserved and undeserved) was woven in this episode. This is true on multiple levels and characters but I'm not even going to attempt to touch Kant in this post because... Lord, that is beyond me at the moment. Someone else needs to do that, pretty please, so I can reblog it and scream.

It starts, somewhat unexpectedly, with Fadel asking for entrance into the intimate spaces of Style's life.

So, this episode was not about Fadel's fear of his own feelings, desires, or even affection for Style - that appears to be fully addressed in episode 4. I think that's why we see Fadel be so physically affectionate and indulgent of Style in this episode. He's come to terms with his lust for Style's body (hence his comfort in initiating sex), he's accepted Style as his boyfriend and so can enjoy Style's playful teasing (still reluctantly, but Fadel is still an introvert even if he's mostly enjoying Style's rambunctious nature), and give into Style's (and Bison's and Kant's) cajoling with relatively little fuss.

He's even comfortable toying with the edges of revealing his darker and more sinister side by reminding Style implicitly about how violent Fadel has the potential to be. Recall that Fadel knows Style knows some of his capacity for violence; he just doesn't know how very thoroughly Style is aware of the full scale of this truth. It does help that Style evidences no actual fear and, in fact, looks positively euphoric. Like, buddy, pal, dearest one... please control yourself.

And yet something very, very telling is the way the show makes it a point to depict Fadel very deliberately getting drunk during the double date. Even before the date has started, Fadel looks to be about half a beer in and we see him constantly drinking, drinking, drinking during the whole date. From the conversation about trust he has with Style while Kant and Bison are being off key and adorable about it, to after Kant leaves and Bison gets worried. And we've seen Fadel cope with emotional and mental distress with alcohol before, so we know that Fadel is internally fighting some kind of very intense battle even as he is also very clearly enjoying moments with Style on this date (most notably when they're dancing by the bowling lanes and when Style asks him to go home with him).

So here's my take: rather than being about love, this is about Fadel fighting to hold onto his own philosophy on relationships and trust. Because as much as I do believe Fadel believes he's telling the truth when he tells Style that 100% trust is "impossible", I think it's clear that's not what he wants.

What he wants is to finish this last job so that the only thing he can't be honest about with Style will finally stop being a factor in his life. What he wants is to fully and completely reciprocate the openness Style seems to be giving Fadel. What he wants is to switch off his brain and let his heart lead for once, to stop fighting a battle he has no desire to win anymore, only he can't. Trust (not love) is Fadel's final frontier, and one which he can't quite give up in spite of himself.

Which is why I think Fadel intentionally gets himself drunk here. Because he wants to let his guard down around Style. He wants to open himself fully, he wants to "lay himself bare" for Style, he wants Style to know the full truth and accept him anyway - and he gets so close, but can't quite get there - because he doesn't know that Style already has.

When Style says this, Fadel thinks it's empty words, not knowing that Style has long passed the bar Fadel thinks is insurmountable. And just like Style was able to offer safety and reassurance to the vulnerability Fadel was showing in episode 4, Style instinctively gets to the core of Fadel's darkest fears again:

Style: One day, I'll be your 100%.

This isn't (just) a promise that Style will wear Fadel's stubbornness down, or that Style will be worthy of Fadel's 100% (which, already, has me in tears, ngl). Beyond that, this is Style promising Fadel isn't ruined for this; that it isn't too late, that whatever hurts and wounds Fadel has can be made whole again. That the kind of honest and all-encompassing and unconditional trust which Fadel says is impossible can, in fact, be his. That Fadel still has the capacity to trust and be trusted the way he so desperately, painfully longs for.

I know a lot of people have said Style in this episode is writing cheques he has no ability to honour, but I think it's more layered than that. Because in a very significant and profound way, Style is wholly deserving of Fadel's trust. Because in all the ways that Fadel has ever known he should want, Style actually IS worthy of his trust. Style knows the truth Fadel is hiding, knows what this man is capable of, knows the danger of being in his arms, knows the likely nonexistent future Fadel has to offer him -- and wants him anyway. Style is a man who would stare into Fadel’s darkness and reach out first. Strip away the complication of Kant being blackmailed and dragging Style into his mission, and Style is literally perfect for Fadel. He is exactly what Fadel wants (and possibly has wanted for a very long time). He is, in fact, exactly what Fadel needs to ever experience anything beyond the shadow of a life he's had so far.

But oh, the cruel narrative means that Style is also, simultaneously, painfully undeserving of Fadel's trust; and this is something Style is very much aware of. I think that's why he's trying so very hard to be worthy in all the other ways he can be. Style's awareness of what Fadel is hiding enables Style to (counterintuitively) be completely honest about his feelings for and about Fadel even as he cannot reveal his motivations. So he gives Fadel as much honesty as he can: offers the vulnerability of his own pain and hurts; the comfort of his true understanding and acceptance.

And just as Fadel's vulnerability in the abandoned factory was met with Style choosing a form of physical connection that prioritised Fadel's pleasure (it's made very clear that Style is jerking Fadel off and that all his focus in that moment was on Fadel, not his own pleasure), so too is this moment met with Style very intentionally choosing to worship Fadel's body with all the tenderness and genuine emotional weight that Style wanted Fadel to have in their first time in the storeroom.

Because, crucially, this was Style giving Fadel the chance to lay himself at least physically bare. This is the closest either of them can get to full honesty with the secrets they both are keeping. It's why Style tries so very hard to show the care and adoration and genuine feelings he has for Fadel. Why he makes sure that the vulnerability of Fadel getting himself as drunk and as relaxed and as trusting as Fadel can allow himself to be is tied only to gentleness and tenderness and pleasure.

Because Style actually knows that Fadel can't (and shouldn't) trust him in the way Fadel truly wishes to.

And as much as I believe that Style genuinely means this from the bottom of his heart, the horrifying full truth is that it is Style that has the metaphorical knife hovering over Fadel's chest. He is the one with the capacity to actually give Fadel a new scar that would truly matter. He is, in fact, the only one Fadel wants to fully trust -- and this, along with Style's compromised heart, makes it so that the circumstances will doom them both.

[tapeworrmart]

Lone Star 🌟

[muitamaita]

WIP

[d1sc01nf3rn0]

I'm seeing a lot of people with neurodivergency, specially under the autism spectrum say that "Laios is annoying, never shuts up, is insensitive, and I can't stand him"; and the irony is not lost on me lmao.

[oswhys]

So, when I played Lucanis’s questline for the first time, I genuinely thought that Illario was going to turn out to also be possessed. I like to try to come up with theories if there's some kind of mystery involved. Obviously, Illario is suspicious from the get-go but if you want to give him the benefit of the doubt you can, after all, grief really does make people act strangely, but not usually immediately after the death. But when he shows up after the defeat of Zara and kills her just as she says “Amatus” upon seeing him there's no doubt he was in cahoots with her. But then something interesting happens, he uses blood magic, some enchanted pin. He still keeps up the act of innocence though. We get further confirmation during the questioning of Zara’s corpse that the two were extremely close, at least from her perspective. But then we get a strange little tidbit from the memories of Lucanis later in his quest line when you're with spite. Lucanis has a memory or maybe it's some warped memory of Zara talking about the cultivation of an Envy demon. 

Zara’s project was to cultivate and bind different types of demons more easily through new techniques. Zara was talented enough to be able to put a demon inside of a non-mage subject, something that shouldn't be possible in the first place, or at least unheard of. She also wanted to cultivate certain types of demons, ones that are more rare and possibly harder to bind. We see the results of most of her test subjects, either walking corpses or bound demons. Let's say she agrees to take Lucanis to be a test subject, thinking the whole thing would just kill him and the terms of her deal with Illario would be met. Let's say shes surprised Lucanis is even able to merge with spite, let alone survive well afterward. Now let's say this gets her thinking, can she replicate this? Can she put demons and spirits into non-mages? Was this a freak accident?

I know I’m speculating a lot here but hang with me. Now I don't know if her scheme is to take advantage of Illarios jealousy and use it to create an envy demon, something rare and hard to bind, but it would naturally be attracted to that much envy in a person. Or maybe it's presented as an opportunity later down the line, that Illario could become an abomination and gain as much power as one, being able to tap into magic even if not in full control would still give him an edge. I don't know, I just think there was a bit more to the story that we don't know about, aside from what we’ve seen in some of the concept art. Which shows something akin to Illario being manipulated by either Zara or some kind of desire demon or??? Just someone in a pool of blood, with horns? But pieces of these ideas got left behind in the game. Fragments of something larger and it drives me up the wall. 

There's an obvious romantic connection between Illario and Zara that is never elaborated upon in conversation, It is a deeply interesting tidbit of information and nothing is done with it. Then there's Zara’s line in Lucanis’ memories of her saying that the conditions of cultivating an envy demon must be perfect (the line that sent me through this spiral). And then there is Lucanis’ log book. His 5th one if you don't save Treviso shares a reading list of books and he writes some notes with his thoughts about each. He says that Spite “trusts nothing to do with envy demons” which to be fair to spite, is reasonable they're… creepy, and envy as an emotion is a huge liar sometimes. 

There's just something there. Obviously, the story got cut up and changed with time but there was a time when I started to think that the reason Illario is so suspicious is that he's a red herring, or he's a patsy, or not in control of himself or being manipulated or SOMETHING. But no he's just… kinda stupid. He locked up his grandmother and kept her alive? IS HE STUPID?

Anyway, I just like the idea of some grander conspiracy or grander narrative and that maybe Illario wasn't all to blame for everything or that he was, and he was actually even more villainous. Being controlled by his own jealousy to the point of madness blah blah blah you see why I’m thinking about this so much now yeah?

[morganasmissus]

been thinking a lot about tragic thiam recently and-

if anyone has any recs for a future fic where theo has left beacon hills i am formally begging for them. like honestly as long as it's got some angst it's good enough for me

also been thinking about the heavily missed opportunity of fanfics exploring the reasons for theo's absence in the movie (even though i refuse to touch that movie with a ten foot pole). like liam dating hikari (i think??) and the maybe tragic reason for theo having left- whether that be his death or some big fight/event with liam that caused him to leave

[capnhanbers]

hi i'm re-reading again and this question occurred to me while i was reading sans talking about skeleton reproduction. ok first of all it finally hit me like. it sounds like skeletons in your world cant really accidentally have kids. so yeah gaster 100% made two kids on purpose, and definitely not to do anything bad to them (that came later lmao) which really just puts something in his character for me. anyway, that's just observing. i have a question! with the bone breaking thing, can like... twins come from that do you think? or would a skeleton have to break off two bones at once on purpose to get twins?

unrelated, because it was very funny to ask about the riverperson before so i'm wondering about another character just as a light curiosity; how's gerson doing? yknow the turtle shopkeeper guy

THAT'S AN AWESOME QUESTION! skeleton reproduction is the only thing I've cared to go into in text, but i imagine that for all monsters there's no such thing as accidental pregnancy. even in more familiar mammalian species that might reproduce sexually, there would have to be intention for that to lead to Baby Time. in joat the human vs monster biology is that humans start with a body, whereas monsters start with a soul, and i think you'd just need some nebulous magical "want" involved to make a soul.

i haven't thought about twins but I'm gonna say no? even if you broke apart the same piece and made two souls, they'd be siblings not twins. gestation varies from soul to soul and they wouldn't be guaranteed the same birthday, they wouldn't have identical traits, etc. although the magic of utdr/joat does somewhat operate on bugs bunny "if it's funny" rules so like. in theory you could get two identical skeletons. if doing so is funny.

and gerson? he's DEAD.

[spindle-girl]

Some fun Heartbroken trivia:

There is an older Nicholas and a younger Nicholas and they may have the same or similar powers

“He did.  Guillaume and Nicholas... Nicholas just wallops you with pants-shitting waves of terror...” ... “...I would’ve done it even if my big brothers weren’t coming for me, but I joined the Nine.”

Worm 11.g

...the younger Heartbroken in line.  Flor, Nicholas, Amias, Candy, and Darlene. ... ...the young ones, but Nicholas and Amias weren’t that into this particular game.

Ward 10.x

“You guys were busy helping Nathan after Nicholas got mad and terror-waved him.”

Ward 10.z

Older Nicholas and Guillaume aren't mentioned again after Cherie's interlude in Worm and Guillaume is only mentioned once in Ward

By the time he had her, he was bored enough with children that he didn’t pay her much mind.  You broke that ground, he got bored because he paid that attention to you.  You, Cherie, Jean-Paul, Valentina, Guillaume.  Trying to break you, trying to make you trigger.  Trying to make you soldiers.  Or just the days he was an asshole who wanted to hurt someone and you were the first person he saw after the impulse crossed his mind.

Ward 20.e2

There may have been a fifth sibling with powers who, by the time Cherie escapes, are (most likely) dead and Alec doesn't know

“...I was his fourth kid to show powers...”

Worm 7.1

Alec knows that Nicholas and Cherie have powers, so it goes: Unknown, Cherie, Nicholas, and then Alec. In Cherie's interlude...

“But it didn’t happen.  Time passed, he never made a push for it.  Guillaume got his power, you know.  Ten or so of us kids, and three of us could control people one way or another.  Four if we count you...”

Cherie mentions Guillaume having a power like it's news to Alec. Taking both Alec and Cherish's words together the order should be: Unknown, Cherie, Nicholas (these three can be shuffled around), then Alec, and lastly Guillaume.

Cherie doesn't seem to count Unknown among the active kids, keeping the count to four same as Alec, implying that Unknown died in between Alec running away and his encounter with Cherish in Brockton Bay.

Also, just for fun, the ages of the five seem to be: Nicholas and Guillaume as the oldest (20+ in 2011), Cherie as the next (20 in 2011), and then Alec (15 in 2011). Unknown is unknown so throw them anywhere. Maybe between Alec and Cherie to explain the five year gap between them.

[percephilous]

Critter. I want him dead. I swear I'm normal about it please believe me please

I refuse to draw him consistently I fear! I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him (/aff)

They should let him keep the weird destructive powers he had as a baby I think it would be funny

Ily Transmasc allegory you keep winning!!!

[deathless--aphrodite]

i'm here to ask about jaime and rhaella 😭🙏

omg thank u for my life basically there's no textual basis for this really but i do find it interesting how rhaella and joanna were said to be close + joanna dies + jaime goes on to be charged with guarding (seemingly) rhaella and elia most often. something about knowing this boy's mother and he's sworn to protect you with his life and he's fifteen and you knew him before he was born. something about your mother being dead and you couldn't do anything about it and now you're in charge of keeping the Realm's Mother alive. jaime being the only person to think of rhaella as she was, the honesty in recalling the ways she suffered. im cooked.

[arsenicflame]

when will someone pick izzy up bridal style and spin him around? hm?

[rotisseries]

this is your periodic reminder to read the second perspective by wildflowertea on ao3

[tittyinfinity]

contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk

[whitepeachrum]

Color Vision

Fandom: Hetalia (personified) Pairing: Arthur x Kat (EngUkr/UkrEng) Featuring: Alfred Content Length: Solo Chapter (~2700 words)

“This is like the best Christmas, y’all.” Alfred smiled, bundled up in a knit blanket that Kat and Arthur had made together for him. He sat by the Christmas tree with the lovebirds on the other side of him, happily leaning on one another. It was the first year that all three of them were able to celebrate together and the hosts were excruciatingly content with how everything had turned out.

“I might just have to agree with him,” Kat said to Arthur, kissing him and adjusting the pompom on his festive hat as it interfered with their moment.

“What? You didn’t like last year’s Christmas? When I nearly burnt the house down?” Arthur raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, I loved that one too,” Kat chuckled politely and shook her head, recalling the night when her husband’s attempt at making a fruitcake turned into a soot-filled extravaganza with firefighters galore. “But I think this one is even better. I’d say it’s a lot more colorful.”

“Quite. It almost looks like we’re living in an animation this year.” Arthur chuckled a bit.

“Artie!! Remember watching Christmas movies before bed when we were little? Can we do that today too??” Alfred asked, his eyes sparkling from all the illuminated lights reflecting off his glasses and the genuine excitement of possibly reliving his childhood memories with his brother and sister-in-law.

“I don’t see why not. It would be a great way to end the evening. What do you think, love?”

“I think…” Kat playfully and dramatically thinks about it. “I think it’s a wonderful idea.”

“YES! Can I pick the movie??? WAIT! Can we watch Die Hard?! Oh my god, I love that movie!” Alfred excitedly shimmies in his seat.

“Die Hard is not a Christma-” Arthur frowns as Kat covers his mouth, stopping him from ruining yet another great year.

“We can, but before we do that, I think there’s one last gift you haven’t opened yet, sweetie,” Kat interjects.

“There is?” Alfred blinks, surprised that there’s more.

“Mhm. It's right there.”

“Where??” Alfred looks under the tree and doesn't seem to find anything.

“Here, let me show you.” Kat tries to get up, but Arthur beats her to it.

“I got it, love. You stay put.” Arthur walks over to a box placed in the center of the tree and picks it up to hand to Alfred. The younger of the two looks at the box in wonder. Not only did it magically seem to appear out of nowhere, but it happened to be wrapped with dozens of little ribbons and bows. It blended seamlessly with the tree’s shadows and textures, yet it was so outlandishly decorated that it was nearly impossible to miss.

“Duuude! This looks so cool! How many bows did you put on this??” Alfred looks to Kat, who shakes her head, suggesting she didn’t decorate this gift. Alfred’s eyes curiously shifted to his brother who innocently shrugged, implying that it wasn’t him either. Then who did? Maybe it was Santa?

“Let’s just say we used everything we had,” Kat adds.

“Why don’t you open it,” Arthur suggests.

“And ruin all your hard work?” Alfred turns the box over and counts all the tiny bows. “It’s like the Fourth of July on this box.”

“Just open the damn box already.”

Alfred eagerly opens the packaging and discovers a box with a pair of sunglasses inside.

“Woahhh,” Alfred examines it with a detailed eye, admiring how expensive they looked. “These look so cool. You guys, this must’ve cost like a million bucks…”

“You should try them on. I bet they’ll look cool on you,” Kat grins, excited for him to try it on.

“Oh! Yeah, totally. You guys got a mirror nearby?”

Arthur points to the mirror in the hallway, where Alfred goes to try on his new glasses. He places his regular ones on the collar of his ugly sweater and his new ones on his face.

“Oh YEAH! These look awesom-”

Hold up. Something is wrong.

Alfred suddenly feels a chill all around him. It felt like something had crept up on him and suddenly surrounded him. It was unsettling, it was foreign, it was something bizarre and… amazing. He was wearing sunglasses, but somehow everything seemed brighter than he had been used to. What were these things he was looking at? Was he finally seeing… colors?

“Woah.. Is that what I look like?” The blond spoke quietly to himself as he tried to process what he was looking at. The grays that once varied in shades were now presented as entirely different hues and tones. He blinked a few times, trying to register his blond hair as blond, his blue eyes as blue, and his ugly sweater as anything other than ugly. People had used these words to describe him his whole life and now that he saw it for himself, he finally understood what they had meant. Alfred’s heart raced with excitement. It’s definitely not what he’d been used to seeing for the last twenty-something years. 

He looked past himself in the reflection and sharply turned around, looking at everything else with brand-new eyes.

“WOAH!” Alfred blinks, his smile widening as various simple objects thrill and confuse him.

His ugly sweater was leaking everywhere!! The colors of reindeer noses were all over the room in the shapes of wreaths and Santa hats. The blues of his baby blues had been shining through hot cocoa mugs and books that he had never been able to see the titles of before. Paintings on the walls and streamers decorated the walls in a more diluted shade than the reindeer noses. He had been certain that those light gray colors were just light gray, but everyone had convinced him were “pink”. What colors were even on those walls?! Oh wow!! Look at the lights!! How are the lightbulbs in the overhead lamps different shades of bright white!?

His eyes darted to the tinsel that shimmered in various golds and silvers. Then to the messy pile of unwrapped gifts that had overflowed with combinations of patterns and contrasting colors. To the warm, crackling fireplace glowing a gentle amber the whole night. To the tree that he knew was green based on the pine smell and sappy feel alone, but had never seen before.

Alfred gawked at the sight as Arthur cleaned up the wrapping paper. He scanned his surroundings with blurred vision and a lump in his throat. All the shades of whites, blacks, and grays had finally revealed their true colors. And it was all so overwhelming. But he loved every single bit of it. What was red? What was blue? Things he had barely known to be green and purple were suddenly there and completely different from how he had imagined them. Honestly, he didn’t even know which color was which. And he didn’t care! They were so beautifully bright and fresh.

He places his hands on his head as the processing part starts to short-circuit his brain. It was nothing short of amazing, but boy was it a lot to handle.

“How are the glasses? Do they fit well?” Arthur asks him with a raised eyebrow and a gentle grin, admiring his brother’s wholesome reaction to the things around the house. 

“Yeah. Holy...” Alfred responded absent-mindedly, his mind still working hard at processing and re-wiring his neural networks. ”DUDE! LOOK AT THE TREE!” 

He starts jumping excitedly unable to contain his joy as he notices the colorful string lights. How did they change colors like that?! His vision might’ve been a bit blurry with the new prescription, but the alternating colors were exceptionally hard to miss. Normally, Kat and Arthur wouldn’t decorate their tree in this many colors, but this year they decided to go all out. Just for a moment like this.

“What is that??” Alfred pointed to something on the tree.

“Mm. What are you looking at?” Arthur walked over to help him out a bit and casually crossed his arms.

“That! What is THAT?!” Alfred pointed to a disco ball tree ornament that had been reflecting and sparkling with all different colors at once.

“This one?”

“Yeah, yeah.” 

“It’s just a disco ball.”

“Not the ornament, but that sparkly thing coming from from it.” Alfred leaned in to get a more detailed look at the beauty of something this shiny. Arthur gingerly took hold of the ornament and gave it a twirl. Alfred gasped as if all the air was sucked out of him. He became infatuated by the changing colors and couldn’t bear to look away.

“Ah. you meant the beams of colors.” Alfred nodded once, his eyes glued to all the surfaces where he saw rainbows. ”See, the ornament is refracting the light. So, you’re probably seeing all those colors transition quickly when I spin it. Practically a rainbow sprinkler. Isn’t it fascinating?” Arthur lectured.

“Do it again!” And so he did. Arthur watched Alfred’s childlike wonder shine through. He smiled fondly, remembering his reactions to Christmas presents when they were younger. The younger brother used to gasp the same way when he would get the same toy Arthur did. Now that they’ve gotten older and reunited after years of living their own lives, they could share so much more than just the same toy.

“Wow…” Alfred alternated his daily glasses with his special glasses to compare how he saw the colors. “This is so freaking cool.” Arthur looked over to Kat with raised eyebrows, asking ‘if she thought Alfred would like their gift’. She gave him a sniffle and an excited two thumbs up. Arthur chuckled and unexpectedly got tackled down by the brute. They both landed with an oof and then Alfred started laughing boisterously. He hugged his brother as tightly as possible, hoping he would feel how incredibly happy he was. Arthur rapidly tapped his shoulder to get out of his grip as the air was genuinely being crushed out of him.

“Al… can’t… breathe”

“Sorry, Artie. I just can’t help myself.” 

Alfred pulled back and then went to give Kat a more gentle hug. He had to be careful not to pop his niece out with all his strength.

“Enjoy it, sweetheart. Just be careful with them, alright?”

“I will guard these with my life. Scout’s honor.”

“And Arthur too. I need him in one piece.”

Arthur got up and straightened out his ugly Christmas sweater before patting his brother on the back, extra harshly on the last smack, making sure his brother felt a bit of the pain he had passed onto him.

“Oww,” Alfred whined. He deserved that. “Man, you guys just… I can’t thank you enough. This is so freaking cool..”

Kat smiled, feeling extremely glad that they decided to splurge on one expensive gift before the baby came and drained them of any spendable funds.

Oh! As Kat thought about spending money on gifts, recalled that she had bought something for the occasion. Initially, it was going to be a gift for their little girl, but Kat thought it'd be a more fitting gift for Alfred now. She looked around her on the sofa and rummaged through her small pile of wrapping paper. 

“Oh, where did it go?” Kat lightly panicked.

“What are you looking for?” Arthur asked, putting a hand on her shoulder to keep her grounded.

“The book. The little book. You know, the one with the, um... Oh, what are they called? The- Ah, I got it!” She rediscovered the baby book she had gotten earlier in the month and flipped through it for a few seconds, confirming that it would be perfect. “I want you to have this as well.” Kat handed the gift to Alfred.

“Me? Why? Wouldn’t it be better for the baby? I can actually read, despite what Arthur might think.”

“The baby can’t read for another year or so, but you can. And when you’re done reading it to yourself and familiarizing yourself with the colors, maybe you can read to her someday and show her all the different things that are blue, yellow, or pink.”

“Kat!!” Alfred pouted at her cute and touching gesture. “This is like the best companion gift for these glasses. I’m gonna read the hell out of this book. And then I’m gonna read the hell out of this book to my niece.”

“Be careful though. I think some of those colors might blow your mind.”

“What? Which ones?” 

“Orange, for example.”

“Orange? What’s up with orange??”

“You’ll see it in the book. And then you’ll see it everywhere you go.”

Alfred opened the baby-proof book and found different circles on each page with a one-word description of each of its colors. He stared at the colors and pulled the book closer as he discovered the overlapping circles. After staring at it for a couple of seconds, he pulled it closer realizing what she meant about orange.

“WHAT?!” He flipped to the second page to find out more. Kat and Arthur chuckled at his reaction. “How does that even work?? Man, now you guys gotta re-teach me everything. Wow..”

Alfred looks up to share his enthusiasm with the hosts and smiles to himself as Arthur and Kat share a quiet, loving moment. It was just like a scene from a movie. While they assumed Alfred was taking his time reading the book, Arthur softly praises Kat on her completely, brilliant success of a Christmas and sneaks in a kiss on her temple. She smiles right back at him. Of course, it was a brilliant success! With all that bedrest she’d been on, all she could do was plan the party to make it perfect no matter what, down to the last piece of confetti. As long as everyone showed up and had fun, she knew her hard work would’ve paid off tenfold. She rests her head on her partner’s shoulder, intertwining her fingers with Arthur’s and enjoying the warm inner glow of their happy family.

Alfred may have been colorblind, but he didn’t need any fancy or rundown glasses to see how much color his family had brought into his life. Had it not been for them, he probably would've been having takeout and watching the Christmas parade on his phone. In boring ol' grayscale. 

“Oh hey!” Alfred perked up, grabbing Arthur and Kat’s attention and smiling hugely at them. “I finally understand what they say about Christmas gifts! Family is, like, the best gift on Christmas, isn’t it? Everyone gets to spend time together and just be happy. That’s so nice..” 

Arthur and Kat’s smiles fade into looks of astonishment and they glance at one another, surprised that Alfred came to such a profound realization, especially after reading such an insightful book. He was certainly not the little kid they thought he was. They didn’t expect it from him, but they were incredibly touched hearing his remark. More so, it gave them peace knowing that they were bringing their daughter into a such a loving family. They hoped that she would one day feel the same way.

“Yes, it is,” Arthur said, looking back at Alfred with the understanding his little brother was all grown up now. Huh.

“You know, I don’t think we ever formally invited you into the family,” Kat noticed the time on Arthur’s watch and looked back at Alfred with a smug grin. ”Welcome to the party, Al.”

Alfred frowns, trying to process why that sounds familiar, then gasps and points to Kat.

“YOU-!!” Alfred’s head spins to face Arthur, “Dude, I'm so sorry, but when you go, I’m gonna marry her. She’s literally the freaking best.”

“She makes one Die Hard reference and suddenly you’re thinking of marrying my wife? Unbelievable.” Arthur rolls his eyes and looks at him skeptically, “Do you really think you have a chance against us, Mr. Cowboy?”

“Oh my god. Oh my god. OHMYGOD!!!” Alfred shakes in excitement, knowing exactly how to respond, but trying hard to refrain from cursing in their home. The last time that happened, he was banned from saying anything at all. And lord knows he's a yapper. There was no way he was going to stop yapping on a day like this. Arthur smirks as he watches his brother turn red from how badly he wants to say it.

“Alright. Go on, then-”

“YIPPEE-KI-YAY, MOTHERFUCKER! WOOO!!!”

This was definitely the best Christmas he could ever ask for.

[fiona-fififi]

Okay, but I propose: Chris finds out that Eddie is literally trying to replace Shannon with a cheap replica, and he gets ANGRY. With no idea about the will, Chris demands he be allowed to go stay with his grandparents permanently. Eddie, feeling like he has no other choice after how badly he's hurt Christopher, agrees. Buck finds out that he's essentially being cut out of Christopher’s life without any say at all, and suddenly all of Eddie's words about Buck not being expendable and about trusting him most with Christopher feel like blatant lies.