#i haven't had much energy for anything else. so.

[flonbowe]

OK SO AS IT TURNS OUT THERE MAY BE A BIT MORE TO SAY, SO UHHH HERES THINGS I MAY HAVE MISSED AND OR I JUST WANNA COVER MORE

AS ALWAYS, MAJOR BROTHERSHIP SPOILERS, ESPECIALLY RELATED TO ZOKKET

You have been warned

SO NUMBER 1: The Glohm Rays

Im just actually slow on this one my bad In the scene I got those Reclusa screenshots explaining who he is and stuff, it literally says he feeds off of negative energy. The Glohm Rays make people feel negative so Reclusa can feed. Zokket didn't just make the rays just because he's a hater, there was a reason for that too. That being said, how do we make up this void of evidence now? By showing off what I think is the ONLY time Zokket looks happy. This screenshot right here.

Zokket, doesn't smile so the fact that his eyes here are curved in such a way, while he talks about getting more Glohm to "Spur on the revival", while his plans are working out Me personally I think works just as well to show his sadism. (Btw this was from one of the expiring side quests, the one with Connie and Arc trying to get Chilliam's father to go to the wedding) NUMBER 2: Cozette and Reclusa I FEEL LIKE I'VE DOWNPLAYED COZETTE'S ROLE IN ALL OF THIS FAR TOO MUCH Like yes, Zokket and Reclusa are cool, but yknow who's body Zokket is piloting around? Who had to be manipulated and weakened by Reclusa into being a puppet body for Zokket? Who has to live with the knowledge of committing atrocities because she was taken advantage of? Cozette, Cozette, Cozette. Through out most flashbacks involving Connie and Cozette, there seems to be a very interesting consistency. half of the time, she's standing alone, and the other half of the time she's just following Connie around.

Her whole job as a Wattanist is to take care of the Unitree, a monolith to the bonds of Concordia. Its the most important job in all of Concordia, it keeps the world together, there is a lot of pressure on the shoulders of a Wattanist, pressure we see Connie feel through out the whole game, and how she keeps thinking of her mentor, Cozette. Her wonderful, capable mentor, Cozette. That however, doesn't mean Cozette didn't feel those feelings either. In fact, aside from Connie and the Bros once she's freed from Zokket, we don't see her interact with anyone else. This, alongside Cozette standing alone, and all that pressure, creates a very sad reality: Cozette feels alone. The pressure of her job, with everyone looking up to her, its a lonely feeling. She's the one who keeps the world together in a sense, and that pressure clearly gets to her, as seen by this line from her side quest.

This feeling, this despair, is something she doesn't want anyone else to feel or shoulder, especially Connie. She in the flashbacks makes sure Connie knows the importance of bonds, not just since she too will be a Wattanist, but because she loves her, and wants to make sure she feels loved, that she doesn't end up feeling like herself; Alone And that's exactly what Reclusa preyed upon. That's the weakness that let his powers corrupt her, Loneliness is what she feels, Loneliness is what she knows, and bonds haven't done anything for her, so Loneliness is Sublime. Reclusa is a monster, yes, but especially to Cozette. Reclusa took her weakness, and forced it to his benefit. Reclusa transformed Colette's despair and weaponized it by having Zokket control her, by buttering her up for his favorite play thing to take her body, her mind, the sacred knowledge of the Lighthouses, the Unitree, Concordia as a whole, and use that knowledge to try and destroy it all. This also creates an interesting dynamic with Zokket and Cozette, both are incredibly lonely, and potentially jealous of bonds, but Cozette has one thing Zokket doesn't: Someone to care for. Cozette, has Connie. Cozette is lonely, but not enough to harm others. Its a cycle of abuse. Reclusa takes his fury out on Zokket, Zokket takes his fury out on Cozette and the rest of Concordia, but Cozette, despite all of it, still chooses to love Concordia and Connie. Cozette and Zokket both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back. Zokket blinked. NUMBER 3: Ten SPEAKING OF THIS CYCLE OF ABUSE, THE EXTENSION CORPS! MORE SPECIFICALLY, TEN Becuase this twink has such an interesting hidden detail that really changed how I looked at his arc specifically, and his relationship with Zokket. In the Extension Corps's home base on Slippenglide, you can find logs from Ten, and they paint a very interesting picture of him.

Ten already mentions wanting to be in charge when we corner him, but this here expands on that. It shows a disparity between Ten and he rest of the Corps, with him not being as close as you would initially think. He's more selfish here, wanting to be the center, the focus of attention (he has a poster literally hung up of himself) He's the only corps member with a Solo boss fight He's the only corps member who actively Glohms people himself, almost Glohming Bowser if Zokket didn't stop him to go even further. He gets fussy when Ecks messes up his name, but Ecks doesn't when Ten does it back during the Sharpcask encounter. And with the comment about getting a war chest to fund his takeover, its implied he might have wanted to take over from Zokket, or just be in charge before Zokket came along. Its unclear when these logs were written HOWEVER It's not that simple either. The Corps (as shown earlier), still refer to Zokket as Master even when he’s long gone and assumed to be a fake person. The Corps get sad when Zokket misnames them, because they care for him. Not just as their boss, but out of some sort of genuine care for him. The Corps want him to remember them, they want to do good serving him, they want his validation, his praise. They work for him not because they agree with his end goal (no one but Shun even knew what that was either), but because they like the guy! It’s also for a more selfish reason, yes, they do just want his praise for them, but still, this is a core part of them that even gets filled by the time they realize they have bonds.

Especially for Ten

Ten's ambition, his need to be the big boss and be strong, seems to be out of a need to be seen, to be known, to not feel like nothing. This nothing gets filled once he realizes just how important Ecks and Shun are to him, becoming a pride for the Extension Corps, instead of just himself. It also results in their redemption But to think, if he didn't get this realization. If he had stuck more on his War Chest idea, if he had betrayed Zokket, he would of ironically become more like him than he realized. Throwing away his need for bonds and connections, and becoming all the crueler because of it. This again also furthers that cycle of abuse theme, Zokket abusing the Corps and Cozette specifically, with Ten being this close to perpetuating that cycle. (Its also kinda a unique spin on Fawful's arc, what if becoming the big boss wasn't what he wanted at all, but was a cover up for something deeper, but that's besides the point) ANYWAYS YEAH THATS ALL FOR NOW. Im not gonna say I have nothing more to say, there's prolly some other details im not aware of that make even more interesting revelations, but for now that's all I can think of. I LOVE THE EXTENSION CORPS, I LOVE ZOKKET, I LOVE COZETTE, I LOVE RECLUSA, I LOVE THIS GAME

MAJOR BROTHERSHIP SPOILERS, ESPECIALLY RELATED TO ZOKKET!

You have been warned

So they’re like, a toxic relationship right?/hj

OK JOKING ASIDE These two are very interesting to me, and since we've known about Zokket longer, I'll be talking about him first in this thread of reblogs and posts

Zokket

So to get the elephant out of the room, I earnestly don’t believe he is just Cozette brainwashed

Like Aside from small details like the body shape being larger than she is, Zokket's voice sounding very much so different in not just the voice bleps, but in his actual grunts and noises (Especially so before his boss fight), there's things like Zokket's personality, behavior, hell he's even flat out referred to as a separate person a couple times.

Cozette after being freed only ever mentions being under Reclusa's control, and putting on a mask to become Zokket. A mask that breaks once Zokket is beaten.

The way Zokket is defeated, the way the Glohn energy flees off of Cozette's body, coupled with the fact it was specifically a mask Cozette said she donned to become Zokket, tells me outright that Zokket isn't exactly brainwashing, but instead a type of spirit or possession used to carry out Recluse's will. Now All this to say Zokket is his own person, and a very interesting person. Unlike most other Mario characters, he's a very flat character. Intentionally so don't get me wrong, that's the point. He's focused more on numbers than people. He doesn't "misremember" names, he actively doesn't care. His first proper scene is him misnaming the Extension Corps multiple times, with him getting more aggravated the more they try to correct him. He visits Shipshape a couple times through out the game, and most of those visits usually end with him mocking the idea of having connections and overall being very bitter. He's a cold cold man, and even during his boss fight he revels in making the bros hurt each other. There's also some interesting extra details via hidden logs from Cozette while being possessed, and Zokket writing his plans through her body. Quoting from those logs "The egg says its name is Reclusa. Yes, it told me its name, and that makes sense. The egg speaks directly to my brain. The egg has also shared this important truth. Loneliness is sublime . The egg only SEEMS not to move. But it definitely speaks in my brain. I now know my only calling: the resurrection of Reclusa. Loneliness is sublime . All connections will be severed. Reclusa will rule a new era of isolation. Once I have completed my task, I, too, will know the bliss of isolation. Loneliness is sublime . Approximately 284 hours, 56 minutes, and 29 seconds until the resurrection. "Beyond the Glohmatic Ray" "I have distilled the isolate energy from Spite Bulbs. That will be the source for Glohm. I can then focus and amplify it through the Great Lighthouses..." "The So-Called Extension Corps." " I met these buffoons on Slippenglide Island and employed them as generals over my army. They are intensely incompetent but loyal. Do they seek glory, or are simply afraid? They will be superfluous after the rebirth. I will need some means to dispose of them" "Building an Army" "My soldiers, my hands in the wide world, are simply junk repurposed and rebuilt. I gave them language so they might cooperate., but it is absurd to see these junk piles speak. I cannot imagine a place for them in the new world after he is reborn. They will suffer. They may rebel and become ungovernable. No matter--they are ephemeral things." after Recluse was revived, Zokket intended to torture the Zok Troops, his minions, of which HE created. Zokket doesn't just hate bonds, but seems to actively wants to break them. He strayed from his goal of reviving Reclusa by using some of the Glohm to make handheld rays to make people miserable and hate each other, instead of just using the Lighthouses for Reclusa. He threatens the Corps when the revival is almost complete, which would have come to fruition anyway had they succeeded. Zokket seems to fully understand bonds, and despises them. He's not apathetic, he's actively resentful... Except For Reclusa Excluding voice clips, the only time he laughs, is here.

His only use of positive language, and its when he's dying, where he should be at his lowest. Instead, he gets excited, happy, happy to see his Great Inspiration finally return to this world. For a man who hates bonds, he seems to have a great deal of care for his master. A master he was willing to die for, who he was destroyed for. Not even Connie, who he can't forget because of Cozette's lingering consciousness, all Zokket can muster for her is remembering her name, unlike Reclusa. So Who is Zokket? Zokket is a very cruel, bitter person. He's distant and calculating, planning and very exact, very precise ways to revive his master. But he's also sadistic, planning misery for anyone and everyone involved in his plans, for the goal of isolating the world for his master, Reclusa. a master, who he has a deep level of fondness for, the only person he actively shows happiness towards, a person who he spends his alone time with, his purpose, his great inspiration. That's Zokket (At least, my thoughts as to who Zokket is)

[simstationdance]

you will look at my special little guys. or else.

[wasyago]

the brainrot won

[solradguy]

There have been a lot of days recently where I'm scrolling through GG tags/feeds and it just isn't fun. I'm too involved, I think; I need to find some other way to distract myself when I'm bored before I explode

[running-in-the-dark]

help I can't stop thinking about furniture. it's keeping me from thinking about the other way more important things I need to be thinking about (Jenkins, Dan Fielding, etc.)

[thethingything]

"I've barely done anything other than working on art for the last few days and I'm very behind on almost every other task I need to do so I should go do those" <- these are the words of a man who was about to realise not having any energy drinks for 4 days has had a devastating effect on his ADHD symptoms and the constant background stress of everything makes him start shaking from anxiety the minute he's not distracted by the one activity he's been hyperfocusing on

[theflyingfeeling]

current level of boredom while being mildly poorly (=not poorly enough to just lie down doing nothing but poorly enough to not have the energy to do anything thought-consuming): tagging all my shippy asks/posts ✨💅

ps. if anyone knows how to use the mass post editor to actually mass-edit tags in a convenient way I'd appreciate the help 🙏 like, idk if it's even possible to find all the posts I have tagged as x and edit the tags of all those posts at once? 🤔 so far I only know you can find tagged posts on your own blog by adding /tagged/x at the end of your url and then editing the tags manually one post at a time 🥲

[artemisiatridentata]

roommate has covid (again) (I hopefully dodged it bc I've been out on a work trip all week but still). I apparently got assigned awhile ago to lead next week's work trip but today is the first I heard about it so I'm scrambling to prepare everything on time. a covid conscious person I connected w/ online is coming to visit tomorrow and I'm stressed bc I have to get a bunch of work done before then and also I hope the vibe is cool in-person and that we can be friends! also none of my coworkers have said they can cover my shift tomorrow even though I put the request in the group chat weeks ago and I cover their shifts whenever I can. i am on day 32 of a 41 day stretch of working every single day with only two days off including 9/5 and tomorrow (IF one of my coworkers steps up...) . and then my next day off, in October, isn't even really a day off because I have to drive 4 hours round trip to the nearest city to get an MRI to see whether or not my recently diagnosed genetic disorder has given me internal cysts or tumors. I am hanging on by a thread haha

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

i feel like life right now is me trying to juggle approximately 127 different things, and none of them are life-or-death but they’re all equally important to me, so those 127 things are like simultaneous balls in the air that i am holding up while the adderall shortage makes it harder to remember what they are let alone keep from dropping them, and at this point even my to-do lists have lists which got so out of control that i stopped even keeping lists but also i’m so tired every day that i’m lucky if i get a single thing done and if i don’t set alarms then i depression-sleep for fourteen hours because oh yeah my adderall was also the only thing that helped my bipolar meds work all the way so i’m crying and thinking about everything that makes me sad 24/7 while i try to keep juggling

[ellecdc]

girl girl hear me out YAPPER GF X REGULUS!! Pls pls pls like u could do anything u wanted with them!!! I have a few ideas (take any or none)

May be she just walks up to him one day like clearly wanting to befriend him cuz she has a lil crush and just starts yapping about how the great hall had her fave pastry for breakfast today and he's so confused but also intrigued and then she starts sitting next to him in classes and asking him to hang out at hogsmead and she just yaps and sometimes she thinks may be he zones out but then he'll bring up this super niche detail she mentioned last time like "hey what happened to that quill you forgot in the potions lecture?"

they r already dating and she worries she's too much energy and talk for him and tries to be quiet and he's just like r u sick? R u mad at me? What's wrong u haven't gone on a 30 min description/rant about ur day

3. May be someone else brings up she talks a lot and Reggie defends her?

you guys really love your bubbly/talkative readers with Regulus, don't you? (so do i); thanks for your request!

Regulus Black x yapper!reader who didn't think he was actually listening

CW: fem!reader, rolling thoughts, brief mention of difficulty making friends, people talking about reader behind her back, swear words (on ellecdc? nooo [sarcasm])

Your family said that you had an incessant need to fill silence from the moment you could talk. 

“If there’s a room with our daughter in it, you can be certain that it won’t be quiet.” Your mum had proclaimed as she beamed at you lovingly one day.

While it was certainly a trait that your family had always found rather endearing, you felt that it made it particularly difficult making friends once you began attending Hogwarts. 

But the friends you managed to make loved you for it, and they had often stated “you can call her what you want but you can’t call her boring.” 

That didn’t mean your other classmates appreciated your stories or tangents, though. 

Which is how you ended up serving numerous detentions for speaking during class or lectures and disturbing the students around you, and how you’d been cycled through numerous seat partners in potions class. 

And that is how poor Regulus Black ended up stuck sharing a worktable with the likes of you.

He didn’t seem to mind, though. And if he did, well, he certainly never said anything about it.

You were quite sure he tuned you out during your rambles, hardly ever sparing you a glance and keeping his eyes trained on his parchment in front of him as he took dutiful notes during lectures.

Couldn’t be you, however.

No.

You were too busy lamenting about the fact that you couldn’t get more than twenty feet to the mooncalf herd up the hill behind the quidditch pitch before they would all run off. They only came out at night, you see, and you wanted to take some photos of them. Some photos turned into midnight picnics, and picnics turned into sharing apple slices by means of throwing them towards the bug-eyed beasts and watching them argue over the slice until you threw another. But even after feeding them forty seven apples and counting at this point (Winky the house elf from the kitchen was not pleased with you), they still wouldn’t let you get any closer to them.

Your next course of action was to try a smellier and higher value treat; you wondered then if mooncalves could have tuna? Tuna was certainly smelly enough. Well, if you couldn’t entice the mooncalves, you’d certainly entice a cat or two. 

You wondered then if mooncalves and cats got along? Kneazles were nearly the same size as the poor beasts, but cats were much smaller. You figured cats would look at a mooncalf the same way they’d look at a goat. 

You’d seen a cat ride a goat once, not many people believed you, though. You’d have to learn how to make a pensieve one day just to prove it to everyone. You didn’t much care for goats, though; something about their square pupils seemed alien to you. 

Which seemed odd considering there were numerous beasts in the magical world that really were quite alien, yet it was  goats that did it for you.

And why were they always associated with the devil? Was it because of the square pupils? Do you think there’d be a book that explained that?

But you didn’t even realise that the period had ended until Regulus stood and collected his books, offering you a curt nod before leaving the classroom. 

Fuck….do you think he’d let you copy his notes? 

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆⁺₊⋆ ☀︎ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Merlin’s tits, she never stops talking! I feel bad for the poor sod stuck next to her; Black probably wants to avada himself every class. You heard a classmate mutter as you walked to your workbench, movements slowed as you lowered yourself into your chair and tried not to let their words hurt you. 

You were used to the comments, you were used to the sentiment honestly; did they think it was easy being you? Did they think you didn’t get tired of listening to yourself too? 

Of course you did, it was exhausting; your brain never stopped moving, and apparently, neither did your mouth.

But it did hurt a little, perhaps because Regulus had been quite gracious about it thus far. He had listened to you carry on about the astrological significance of space waste and how that was affecting the magic of the stars. He had listened to you bemoan about the positive impact that centaur migration had on local flora and fauna and how the fencing of fields and forests was going to cause unimaginable damage to the life cycles of such. He also had listened to your morose mooncalf story and the update the next day that you were able to order cans of tuna via owl to the castle.

And he’d not so much as bat an eye at you.

Certainly he’d have said something to you if you bothered him? 

Although, perhaps this was why Slughorn put him beside you, because he knew Regulus wouldn’t say anything; had Regulus done something to anger Slughorn? Was placing you beside Regulus less about you driving your seat mates crazy, but more about being a punishment for Regulus?

Well, you couldn’t imagine Regulus had done anything bad enough to deserve a full term with you as a potions partner.

No, you decided, you would not be his punishment.

So when Regulus entered class that day, and Slughorn read out the instructions for today’s potion brew, you resisted the urge to speak.

You were quiet when retrieving your potion ingredients, you were quiet as you checked and double checked the brewing instructions, and you were quiet as you waited for the potion to reach its boiling point. 

You actually thought you’d done quite well; you sort of wished you had started a timer, this may very well have been a record for you. 

Well, unless sleeping counted. Would sleeping count as being quiet? Oh gods, what if you talked in your sleep too!? You’d have to ask your roommates.

“L/N.” Regulus called as if it hadn’t been the first time he’d done so. “You alright?” He asked, ducking down in an attempt to meet your gaze as you watched a divot appear between his brows.

“Yeah? Why?” You asked, finding yourself furrowing your brows in solidarity; you found Regulus to be too pretty to look so worried. 

He shrugged his shoulders and straightened up, though the space between his brows remained divoted. “You’ve been awfully quiet, s’all.” He murmured quietly, and you were surprised to see a dusting of pink on his cheeks.

“Isn’t that a good thing?” You muttered perhaps pointedly; his eyes narrowing to match the furrowed brows. 

“Says who?”

Your eyes traitorously darted to the students who had been discussing your habits, and Regulus followed your gaze.

He rolled his eyes and muttered something in French under his breath as he turned his attention back towards your shared potion. “Those tossers are just mad that they have nothing of value to say.”

You more felt than heard a disbelieving breath escape your lips as you looked at Regulus in bemusement. 

He didn’t seem to notice though, as he continued to the next step in your potion and carried on. “Did the tuna work?”

You stared at him dumbly before your brain kicked back into gear. “I beg your pardon?”

“The tuna.” He repeated. “For the mooncalves?”

Oh.

“Oh.” You started, giving your head a shake as you tried to find your balance you had long lost during this conversation. “Erm, no, but I did indeed attract a few cats.”

“Ah.” Regulus offered, smiling at you (or at the expected poof from the potion signifying that the two of you had brewed it correctly thus far). 

“Also, I found out why goats are often associated with the devil, but the book you’d be looking for is Biblical in nature.”

You stared at him with your mouth agape as he continued. “There’s a quote where that Christ bloke mentions something about separating people from one another just as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. They’re used as a metaphor for the ‘bad’ or ‘inferior’ member of any group; it could also be understood as the divide between the pure and the wicked. I say goats got a bad rap, though.”

The next step in your potion brewing process was to allow the potion to simmer until it turned a milky white colour, so Regulus lowered the heat before appearing to remember something.

“I almost forgot…” He started as he began rooting through his book bag. “I asked the shopkeep at Brood & Peck, and she said this is a favourite of mooncalves; maybe you’ll have more luck tonight?” He asked as he held out a parchment of beast treats to you. 

“You’ve been listening? This whole time?” You whispered in awe as you took the bag delicately as if  he had just handed you a delicate china dish. 

His brows furrowed again as he searched your eyes. “Well…yeah? I’m rather invested now.” He explained just as your potion turned its intended colour. 

“Very good Mr. Black, Miss. L/N.” Professor Slughorn commented as he walked past your workbench. 

You were alerted to the fact that class was over when everyone’s potions were vanished with a pop and students started to pack up their belongings.

“You’ll keep me posted, yeah? About the mooncalves?” Regulus asked as he started walking backwards towards the door. 

“Sure.” You murmured, earning you a wide smile from the notoriously quiet boy. 

Yes… You’d be more than happy to keep Regulus Black posted.

[wolviensabes]

Soft.

RQ: '(hii, I saw that your requests were open) It's no doubt he's an absolute FREAK in the sheets, but what if he were to show his softer side hidden within? Preferably comfort sex w/ reader after a long, stressful day if you will. And maybe some banter too??' - @graveyardgrrrrrl

Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI. F!reader, fingering, oral reader receiving, PiV, unedited.

A/N: This hit me because my hormones have been all over the place lately. So I can relate. I hope you like it <3

WC: 2.0k

The day you had was dreary, you haven't felt so exhausted and tired in a long time. You trudged through your bedroom and practically fell onto the bed, groaning to yourself. The past few days have felt like a waste of time, you hadn't done anything in your free time, you felt like you had no interest in any of the things you enjoyed doing. You felt lazy and like you haven't really accomplished anything, and it ate away at you. You didn't know why you got like this, it was frustrating and annoying to you that you couldn't just make yourself do something. But a simple chore like cleaning up felt so heavy.

Logan knocked once before coming into the room, you both shared a bedroom but he still would give a single knock to announce himself before barging in. He shut the door and eyed you on the bed, his gaze narrowed slightly as he saw how defeated you appeared to be. "What's got ya frustrated, princess..." he walked over, fiddling with his large belt and pulling it out of the belt loops smoothly. If you weren't so upset, that would've been insanely hot.

You rolled onto your side facing away from him and exhaled. "I just don't feel good..." you muttered quietly. "I feel like everything lately has been so stressful, I have little energy, and the smallest things feel so overwhelming." You weren't sure how he'd react to this, but you hoped he'd understand, or at least sit with you and help you relax.

"Ah, you just need a little relief...I can help ya..." Logan's hand caressed your leg and as much as you adored his touch, there was just something about it today that made you not want it. Your thoughts went to the usual rough sex, which was something you had always loved before. But today was just...not the day for it. He sensed your hesitation and his hand stopped its slow travel over the curve of your hip.

"I get it. You're not feelin' up for it...how about I help you relax a little differently. I can see you're not in the mood for me." He moved his hand to your lower back and gently rubbed it. You sighed, feeling the sore, tense muscles slowly unwind. His hand worked slow and steady, moving across your hips and his thumbs kneaded the muscles around your tailbone.

You wanted more of his touch, you just didn't feel like being bent in half right now. Logan was a rough guy, and you knew getting into it would mean you'd have to give into the performance. You just didn't have that energy...

"I want to, Logan I just...don't feel good today." You reply defeatedly, your voice muffled a bit into the pillow. Logan's hand moved over to your front and he pulled you against him, your back colliding with his muscular chest.

"I ain't gonna force you. But I can try somethin' else if you want." He spoke slightly softer to you, he moved himself over you and he leaned his nose down, nudging your head and gaining access to your neck. "Just let me try...you'll like it."

It was hard to deny him, besides, he had been patient. You scratched his head, tugging slightly on his tufts. "Fine, fine...just...not hard."

"Don't worry about that...I'll be patient." He kissed your neck slowly, his teeth gave gentle nips instead of biting. "Relax for me...I'll make you feel good." His hands gently moved down your body, undressing you and getting you bare besides your panties. He leaned down and began leaving a trail of kisses from your sternum down to your belly. He got to your panties and he chuckled, "Aren't these the ones I ripped off?" He asked with am amused, smug smirk.

You, in turn, rolled your eyes. "Yes...god. I bought them again! They were my favorite pair! And you tore them off like you were a crazed man."

"I was crazed that day. You were drivin' me nuts, sweet girl. But you like me like that, 'bout had me drooling over you when I cut them off." He smirked, his finger hooking under the band of fabric and teasingly pulling.

Damn him.

"You can take a damn breath, I won't rip these ones off. If they mean so much to you." Logan teased further and slowly tugged them down your legs. "You and your expensive fuckin' panties. I've seen how much these damn things are." He tossed them behind him and crawled between your legs. "Open up for me...that's a good girl." He kissed your knee and leaned closer to your core.

"I gotcha." He slowly let his fingers tease you, waiting to see if you'd object before he pushed one inside. "Already squeezin' me tight..." His scruff tickled your inner thigh as he watched your pussy swallow his finger with each pump he gave. You held back a soft moan, it felt nice...not too overwhelming, not rough.

His lips wrapped around one of your nipples and he teased it with his tongue, making you whine and grab his hair instinctively. He was doing what he could to keep his movements slow, and he was surprisingly much gentler than you were used to. He never hurt you before, but he's one to get swept up in the lustful passion rather than take his time to really feel and enjoy. That didn't mean he was a bad lover, by any means. He was the only man to ever get you to the finish line, and he made sure of it.

"Feels good," you whispered to him, "Add another," your hips gently lifted into his finger and he immediately put another one inside. The second finger made you moan again, and you felt them find your sweet, spongy spot right away. Like they were drawn to it upon being inside you, and he curled them in a slow upwards motion.

You whined below him, his mouth changed to your other nipple, not wanting to leave it out. He suckled gently and nipped along your breasts while he fingered you before he pulled his fingers out and trailed gentle pecks to your pussy. You felt fuzzy, but in a good way, it felt so good and you laid there and let him take care of you.

His lips connected to your folds and he slowly licked over them, his tongue trailing from your wet entrance up to that precious bud. He suckled on it lightly and listened to those sweet sounds you made. Your hips squirmed as he stimulated your clit, his hands held you firm but not in an overwhelming or rough way like usual. His thumb tapped your hip, telling you to stay still for him.

"Can't...it feels too good," you whined, "You know if it feels too much I can't sit still," your eyes looked down at him and you gently tugged on his hair, trying to get him to come off you. Reluctantly, he did so, strings of saliva keeping him connected to your cunt for several seconds before they broke off.

"Alright, alright sweet girl...ya can't handle too much right now huh?" He moved off and he pulled his top and jeans off, you watched as his abdominal muscles flexed and relaxed, completely unashamed that you were staring. He crawled over you again, his cock heavy and erect. He sat up a little, holding one of your legs as he guided himself to rub on you. His cock moving up and down between your folds and getting slicked up for an easy penetration.

You whined, each time his head poked your clit it made you shiver. Precum oozed out of him, coating your sweet bud in a hot fluid. Your breath had picked up, and he put his hand on your belly. "I'll be easy. I don't wanna ruin you." He leaned forward, his cock head pressed against your entrance. Slowly, he pushed himself inside, your cock pressing into you further and further until he was hilted.

You held back a soft hiss, it always stung a little, he was thick and even when he was slow, your pussy had to stretch a bit. "Ahh...fuck, Logan..." you whined, fisting the sheets by your body. He paused, looking at you as you got used to his size. The burn of being stretched so much was fading, you felt so full when he was inside you, you loved the feeling after all the discomfort was gone.

You braced for him to thrust hard and fast, but he slowly pulled out and pushed back in, steady and controlled. He held your legs open, watching your wet pussy take him, your creamy arousal making his pubic hair sticky as it dripped down his balls. "Good girl...just like that. You're doing good," Logan let out a shaky breath, his hips stayed moving at the controlled speed so you could really feel every little detail of his dick.

The veins on the sides, the shape of his head, how your walls adjusted and squeezed him to memorize all those little things...

You whined, it felt incredible, like electricity shooting through your body with each gentle thrust. His head kisses your cervix each time, precum leaking out in thick beads, gifting your velvet walls more lubricant and fluid. Logan leaned over you a bit, his hands holding your hips once again and he kissed you, his lips moving against yours sensually while he thrusted into you.

He picked up some speed, you let out a soft cry and your hands came to his shoulders. His cock moving a bit faster felt amazing, you found yourself needing more after him being so slow. You wrapped your legs around his hips and he leaned over your body even more, angling himself a bit deeper. His cock moved in and out against all the right spots, sending shooting waves of pleasure through your body. You could feel it fogging your mind as you grew closer and closer to your orgasm.

"Logan, oh god...I'm so close, just...a little more..." You managed, your breathing was a bit heavy and you kept making sweet moans and gentle cries for him, unable to stop yourself. He nodded with you, his arms wrapping around you in a big hug as he pulled you up. He fell onto his ass, you now in his lap as he ground you against him, his pubic hair rubbing your clit so damn good.

You let out a louder cry, your bodies rubbing against one another while his cock pulsed and throbbed inside your comforting walls, squeezing and milking him desperately, needing him to fill you up. As stressed as you were today, this was such a good way to relieve it. Feeling him hold you, his cock stretching you out, his hot breath on your neck.

"M'close, sweetheart, gonna fill you up good..." Logan groaned against your skin, his arms tightly wrapped around your midsection as his hips desperately jut upward. You whined, your clit being assaulted by his pubic hair and it was enough to make you cum on his dick, squeezing him just enough to send him over shortly after you. He let out a deep, guttural moan and he snapped his hips up, rolling you on him as he came inside you.

His cum shot deep into your womb and drooled out of you, coating his dick and balls, staining the sheets where he was sitting. "Nngh, fuck," Logan groaned, finally stopping the movement. He held you tight and close to him, breathing heavily with you. You were completely out of it, it felt like all the awful stress you had felt was gone, and you could immerse in all of him. His body, his touch, his scent. Logan made it better.

"Let's get ya cleaned up now...stained the damn sheets enough, you're gonna leak out when I pull out." Logan grunted with a smirk, "How do you feel now, princess..." He glanced at you, his rough hand rubbed your cheek, admiring your disheveled appearance.

"Good...I...good...." you slurred, holding onto him tighter. "Five more minutes...don't pull out yet..." You whined, your voice soft and desperate. Logan was a little taken aback, but he knew you had been having a hard time so who was he to deny you something so simple as a few more minutes of this?

"Alright, alright...five more minutes..."

Thanks for reading.

Dividers by @/strangergraphics

[theselfshippingwitch]

I miss ray...

[pomefioredove]

if its ok can i request a overblot boys and ruggie and kamil with a reader that just forgets to eat? like they can go the whole day without eating then suddenly they just get dizzy cause they haven't eaten and when they get asked why they passed out/not ate they're like "lol yeah i forgot to eat my bad gang🧍🏻" they're just so nonchalant and act like its whatever😭its ok if not if this makes you uncomfortable!! Love your blog pookie and make sure YOU eat properly💥💥

ahh... just like me fr. this ask actually reminded me to eat, thank you!

summary: reader who forgets to eat type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, ruggie, azul, jamil, kalim, vil, idia, malleus additional info: romantic or platonic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu, mentions of food and not eating!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Riddle is also guilty of this

it's not that he's neglectful, it's just that...

...well... he's a little neglectful

it's usually Trey who has to remind him to take breaks from studying

none of that will stop him from scolding you, though

"What were you thinking, going a whole day without a meal? It's no wonder you're always so tired!"

expect lots of snacks from him after he's done berating you

he sends someone every day to make sure you've had something

(both a blessing and a curse)

you'll be in your room then suddenly Che'nya is there asking if you had lunch yet

and if not, you'll be recieving an invitation to Heartslabyul for tea

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona can't be bothered to ask why you're always so... out of it

he just assumes that's your personality

he even teases you for it, once or twice

then Jack offhandedly mentions that you rarely eat until dinner, and he gets all... worried

Ugh

suddenly, his room is always stocked with your favorite snacks from Sam's

what? no, they're not for you. he's just taken a liking to 'em. but you're welcome to have some if you'd like

his act is unconvincing

"What? Stop looking at me like that. I'm not some sap. I'm just making sure you don't go passing out on me,"

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Ruggie is worried that Crowley's cut your food rations

he'd been mooching off of you for a few months now, after all

plus, he knows what it's like to go hungry

of course, he doesn't outright ask. he doesn't want to embarrass you or anything

he just... casually offers to split meals and comes over once a week with half of his forage greens

"What, this? Nah, I just had extra. What, you're complaining about free food? Shishishi,"

you repay the gesture by making him a few meals, and it becomes a little tradition between the two of you

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

why, oh why, does Azul have to care about you so much?

he's become familiar that exact look on your face; distant, dizzy, disoriented...

and he's caught himself mid-scold far too many times

"Have you no sense of self-preservation? You can't keep relying on others to care for you; you'll only be taken advantage of,"

...and, of course, he's the poor soul who cares for you

he convinces himself that verbal reminders cost nothing

then he starts sending the tweels to make sure you've eaten

and then he insists you drop by the Mostro Lounge at least once a day

it's not that he's giving you his time and energy for free

he's just making an investment in you!

that's it. NOTHING ELSE! (<- lies)

(cue tweels giggling in the background)

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

poor Jamil

first Kalim, and now he has you to worry about, too?

of course; he has no obligation to help. that's what he tells himself

nothing will happen if he just ignores you

...except that sinking feeling in his stomach

Sevens, help him...

he starts letting you help around the kitchen

just... tidying up, doing the dishes, etc

and if you happen to want a bite of what he's cooking? ohoho, who is he to deny you the chance to test for poison?

(feigns to mention that these dishes have already been tasted)

"Good? Why, I'm flattered. You're welcome to help any time- how about tomorrow?"

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Kalim will never pass a chance to host

you offhandedly mention that you forget to eat sometimes? just come over for breakfast!

and lunch

and dinner!

and you'll stay for dessert, too, won't you?

he's nothing if not gracious, and he has a penchant for taking care of others

he likes feeling useful, after all

just be ready to give him your full thoughts and feelings on every dish; he's already making a mental list of your favorites to serve every time you come over

"Hungry? No problem! We have all your faves waiting for you. What music do you want to listen to while we eat?"

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

you know that Vil loves you, right?

so, so much?

good. because that love makes him want to shake you

of all the stupid things...

it's no use trying to hide it from him; you could look and act completely normal and he'd still see right through you

he can just tell

he has to restrain himself from threatening Crowley into letting you stay at Pomefiore so he can care for you

Vil believes you're capable, after all. you just need a little push

"I've set a daily reminder and stocked your kitchen. Remember that some food is better than none. If you need me for anything, I'll see to it as soon as possible,"

you can expect Epel and Rook to ask if you've eaten, on his behalf, every time you run into each other

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Idia sets like, 30 reminders in your phone

he knows as well as you do that three measly alarms won't be enough

...he, too, is guilty of forgetting to eat

he probably makes you a custom alarm sound and everything

a little pavlovian conditioning never hurt anyone, right? it's basically no different than training an AI

...or something like that

will send Ortho over to check your vitals every once in a while

"it's NBD. can't have u losing all your lives on me. who would tolerate me then?"

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

thank your lucky stars it's Malleus who notices your drowsiness first and not Lilia

Malleus, at least, will find you something edible to eat

he's trying to keep you alive, after all

he's very sweet and gentle about it

soft little reminders, nudges to keep you awake... he will up and leave a dorm meeting if he realizes he doesn't know if you'd had anything yet today

Malleus is very conscious about human mortality, and is very... delicate about it

he's just a little overprotective, that's all

it mostly comes to sharing little treats together every now and then. it feels less awkward when you're together, after all

"There is no need to thank me. I'm simply happy to spend my time with you,"

[k0mmari]

SYSTEM! SHEN YUAN AU (Pt.2)

Pt.1

Im not done with this, so to the people that wanted more, here it is! I, fortunately or not, have thought way too much again, so once more this is going to be a very, very, VERY long post. If you guys have any ideas about this btw, please do share them! I really am just letting my mind wander a bit more than usual, so maybe someone else can have more structured thoughts than me lol. (Fair warning, there probably will be plot holes, so sorry in advance!)

Please read Pt.1 if you haven't, or this won't make any sense!

After SY warped away from his impromptu meeting with Binghe, the last place he would like to end up would be even deeper into the Endless Abyss, but according to his System, the next piece of the virus was here. While not happy, since his Personal System was (mostly) working as intended, SY managed to activate Ghost Mode and walk towards the next part without having to deal with any of the creatures down there. (He had to try very hard not to get distracted by the monsters, lest his supervisor thinks he also went missing.)

It takes considerably more time to find the virus this time, so much in fact, SY starts to recognize his surroundings from SQH's ramblings (not that he was interested or anything), and he feels a cold sense of dread running down his spine. There was no way he was that unlucky that the object that got corrupted this time was-

He was that unlocky. Lo and behold, after entering a run down ruin, SY is faced with the legendary Xin Mo, power so overwhelming it manifested as dark fire covering the blade. The only reason why SY wasn't immediately writhing on the ground from the sword's power was Ghost Mode, which he could not rely for too long, as his Personal System was displaying warning after warning about Possibility of Corruption and God Like Plot Point. It all meant that SY was on a timer, and if he took too long, the sword would start corrupting his System, which in turn could corrupt him.

Now, since this was a VERY important Plot Point, Luo Binghe had to find Xin Mo or else the plot would derail to an unfixable degree, SY couldn't just snip at it, which was a problem, since manual debugging took a considerably longer time! Still, he summons his Scissors and positions it so he can start at least trimming off the virus.

His plan immediately backfires however, as an ominous crack sounds through the air and he's suddenly pushed away from the sword by a gust of energy. A bit disoriented, he shakes his head and acesses the sit-

Xin Mo, the horrible sword it was, was apparently so OP that it seemed to detect the Scissors at the last second, and the thing attacked back! The metal of the Scissors was dark and broken where it came close to the sword, almost broken in half! Which, not good! It any other time, a pair of broken Debugging Sheers would be more or less fine, if not a major inconvinience (and pay deduction) for SY, but since he'd been warping all over the time for a while now, his Personal System's energy reserves were carefully rationed, and if he were to use a chunk to send the Scissors back for some emergency repair, he'd only have one chance to go back to HQ. Alone.

He couldn't delay it any longer, he desperately needed to find SQH and pray he still had some energy reserves left.

Setting his Personal System's next warp location to SQH's last known location, SY wouldn't have guessed in a million years that he would go back to Cang Qiong Mountain, but whatever; maybe SQH had wanted to start with fixing the bug on Binghe's pendant? Not that this was the right time since it was after Binghe fell into the Abyss, but SQH had never been good at warping. It takes a bit of wandering and going inside different buildings, but eventually his Personal System managed to get a dirrect ping on SQH's System, which sent a massive wave of relief rushing through SY, since it meant that SQH was still slive.

Though as to why he was at An Ding Peak, SY could only guess.

After a bit more wandering, SY enters on what seems to be a (very messy) office space, SY feels all the pieces coming together in his mind. Half sprawled across the table with piles of paper covering the entire table's surface lay the An Ding Peak Lord, which- was already weird, since wasn't this guy supposed to be an enemy of the Peak now? After the whole betrayal thing or whatever? But that would've been something to look into later, were it not for said Peak Lord casually scrolling through a Personal System screen. A Personal System that could only be used by the System's Maintanence Staff.

SY wastes no time in deactivating Ghost Mode, and when SQH's eyes snap to his, the man jumps so high from his chair he almost falls back. It's not a happy reunion by a longshot, since SY immediately jumped his friend co-worker and demanded an explaination, almost screaming about it was all his fault for doing shitty maintenence, and creating this shitty world if it's shitty OP sword which broke his Sheers? Do you know how expensive these are?? I know you do, cause the supervisor never lets you touch the good ones cause you keep cracking all the other pairs-

It takes a more or less one whole hour to calm down SY, but eventually the younger settled and lets SQH say his bit of the story: Apparently, in his messing around with the System's world creation program when he was trying to find the bug in his world, he'd accidentaly managed to get himself actually transmigrated to PIDW, though still with (limited) acess to his Personal System, which let him still send messages to their supervisor and pretend that everything was ok. He'd gotten so unlucky too! Out of all the people to accidentaly select, did it have to be the An Ding Peak Lord? Couldn't it have been Binghe? Or MBJ- (SQH cuts his lamenting when he notices SY's absolutely viscious death glare being stared right through his soul.)

Long story short, he'd initially did try to fix his blunder, but as more time passed and SQH's access to Maintenance priviledges went out one by one on his System, he eventually just... Started actually living there. In fact, he was living so well there that he dared say his life as Peak Lord was even better then when he was with the System! Of course, since he had been integrated as a 'character' now, he had his limitations, he actually managed to get to know his fellow peak lords! He knew the name of his character's family members and his disciples! He'd managed to build a life he never even thought he could have inside the System.

Sure, did he betray the Peak? Yes, yes he did. Were they all going to die in a few years time when Binghe came back from hell? Yeah, yeah they were, and he was immensely guilty and terrified, but! The plot could be changed! He already assumed someone from the System had popped up in the Conference, as when Binghe had recently made his alliance with MBJ, and had mentioned in passing this weird thing that had happened to him just before he fell into the Abyss.

Anyways, eventually SY begrudgingly accepts SQH's decision to stay in PIDW, but he still had to help SY; and so they form a plan: SY was going to transfer some energy to SQH so he could temporarily get his acess to the full version of his Personal System and use his energy reserves to send SY's Sheers and get them fixed. SQH was also going to properly apologize to their supervisor for suddenly quitting without notice AND order some more energy stacks to be sent to SY's System. SY on the other hand had devises a plan to get closer to XIn Mo without the sword exploding his face off:

Infiltrate Demon Emperor Luo Binghe's palace as a lowly staff member and slowly debug the sword from the inside.

A perfect plan! What could go wrong?

SY selects to warp to a time where Binghe had Xin Mo mostly in control, so it is to no surprise he warps to a place were the Demonic Emperor's Palace is absolutely filled with women. Not the best situation, since a lot of people could and probably would be able to see him, but with that many harem members, it wasn't too much of a stretch to assume there was also a considerable number of staff, which, to SY's luck, there was! In fact, after he managed to activate a disguise for his clothes so they matched the rest of the servants, no one bat an eye on his presence; at most someone would inquire about his short hair, but other than that he was as noteable as a fly.

The first phase of his plan was already a success, so now he had to move on to reconnaissance which was mostly easy and the worst thing in his life. He was mostly looking for Binghe's quarters could be as he probably kept the sword close to him at all times, though with how big the palace was, his objective had gradually shifted to mapping out the labyrinth of halls as much as possible (SY was very glad that the System allowed him to create a map in real time or he might have gotten lost in the first five minutes). He walks so much he even manages to catch a few pieces of gossip, though the most interesting one by far being one about Binghe:

Apparently, a year ago, the Emperor had a qi deviation where, for a day, he seemed to have completely shifted his personality; he refused to touch any of his wives and kept screaming for his long dead Shizun. SY doesn't really remember that plot point, though his wondering is cut short when he hears people walking towards his direction. instinctively he his behind a dark corner, momentarily forgetting that he 'worked' at the palace now.

At list his bad luck was finally turning over as the Golden Protagonist himself walked past him with one of his wives hanging off his arm, looking just as cool as SY had always imagined. He had to snap himself out of his stuppor though, as two things caught his attention: First, Xin Mo was, predictably, strapped to his waist, still glitched but at least the virus seemed more or less contained, which gave SY a bit more time to work, though the other thing he noticed...

Hanging onto an old-looking braid laid SY's missing tassle that Binghe had found for him all the way back at the Conference.

What the hell was Luo Binghe doing wearing that old tassle at this day and age??

A few days passed and the Tassle Incident (as he called it) had to be set aside, as it seemed that passing as a servant also meant that other servants and even some wives expected SY to actually work. Not great, he sucked at cleaning and the other servants spared no words to make it clear to him, but it at least gave him something to do while he waited for his Scissors to arrive. SQH had sent him a few messages saying he'd gotten his part of the deal done, so now all SY could do was monitor Xin Mo's condition (from very far away), and occasionally manually debug some small virus pieces that had fallen from the sword, which luckily were easy enough to deal with that he didn't need to cut them off.

The only thing that was worrying him now is how... odd Luo Binghe seemed. Of course, he was supposed to be the pinnacle of the Cool Guy trope, so some edginess was to be expected, but Binghe didn't look just Edgy, he looked straight up depressed. There were bags under his eyes, and he barely seemed to tolerate the presence of 99% of his wives, and that damned braid with the damned tassle was still there-

Point is, Binghe acting so weird really threw SY through a loop, and he may have gotten a bit careless. At a random day when SY was carrying some dirty laundry another servant had just shoved at him, he had no prior warning before a voice sounded from behind him: "You seem to have dropped something."

He barely managed to shake off the violent sense of deja-vu that had sucker punched him in the face before he realized what was happening; Luo Binghe was talking to him. Directly to him. Shit- shit! Did he notice? Was Binghe doing a clever call back, spider-man style?? Was SY going to die????

SY shakily turns to Binghe, keeping his eyes locked onto the floor, bowing as much as possible that he still seemed respectful but the bag of clothes he had didn't all just fall to the floor. Thankfully Binghe didn't seem to mind, and simply put the fallen piece of clothing on top of the others and walked away. Though, just as SY was regaining his breath, Luo Binghe's voice stops him again. "You... Have we met before?"

SY trembles something about only being hired recently and not having the opportunity to formaly meet Junshang, and it seems to be a decent enough that Binghe just stares at him for a while longer before walking away. He really should grow out his hair if even the Emperor got weirded out like that...

Binghe started eyeing SY way more after that day. The protagonist would rarely speak directly to him, but SY could feel his gaze as if it were burning; though, since Binghe never said anything, SY just assumed that whatever Binghe's problem with him was, it was likely nothing to worry about.

In fact, it probably was because one of Binghe's wives had used SY is an impromptu act to try to get Binghe jealous (he just frowned, separated the two and walked away) and after that she had gotten infatuated with him, so she'd turned SY into her personal servant. Because of that SY saw Binghe at most two times a week instead of the 50% chnace of seeing his shadow once a week. Wow.

Because of this, as much as Binghe noticed SY, SY noticed Binghe as well, the protagonist seeming to get even more down as the days went. The tassle was still braided in his hair (SY worried it was just going to become a lock at this point), his eyebags never seemed to leave his eyes, and he was always muttering about... something. (SY managed to overhear something about 'fairness' and what Binghe actually wanted...?)

It all culminated at a seemingly random night. Most of the wives and servants had gone to sleep, only the more in-human women still hanging around, and SY, of course, but mostly it was because he wanted to see how close he could get to Binghe's quarters (aka Xin Mo) at night. Not that it was necessary, as when he was walking his attention was adruptly caught by the strangest sight: Luo binghe, sitting on one of the stone stair that lead to one of the many courtyards, being absolutely drenched in rain. The weirdest part was that a few servants and wives had also passed this place, and they all seemed like they didn't see Binghe, or didn't care.

Hating to see such an usually proud man (not that he'd seen much of that either) just soaking outside as if he'd just caught the love of his life cheating with another man, SY decided that at least he'd do a good job as a servant and take care of 'his Lord'. He grabs an umbrella from one of the adjacent rooms and slowly walks outside, covering Luo Binghe's form, not really caring if he was also getting soaked.

They stayed silent for who knows how long, but eventually, Binghe's eyes that had been laser focused on the horizon slowly blink once, as if coming out of a trance, and slowly move to SY's face, up to his hand holding the umbrella. "My Lord should get back inside. He'll get sick that way." SY half murmurs.

Binghe doesn't respond, though after a few seconds, his eyes seem to widen a bit and his breath comes out a little shaky. SY doesn't dare comment on it.

"Have we met before?" Luo Binghe asks again.

"...Yes." Shen Yuan says.

Binghe closes his eyes, and they stay like that for another hour.

[running-in-the-dark]

well I can already tell this is gonna be a bad night

today has just been fucking weird and hard. I'm in a bad mood. everything feels bad. (probably not helped by me not taking the new antidepressant last night so I wouldn't sleep all day)

the plan was for my friend to come over this weekend to help me pack. she did that last time and it helped a lot. (my husband could help, obviously, but he's in charge of other things that also need to get done. plus he's very bad at putting things into boxes.)

but the rail strike is still going on so it's likely that she won't be able to get here (or get back in time). so now that's suddenly a lot more stressful and the one thing that I thought would make it go okay is gone.

and I also have to like. at least reread my thesis a few times or whatever to study for the oral exam on Friday. which will make me want to die. because it is bad. so. that will be bad. and the thought of being asked questions about that piece of garbage for 30 fucking minutes is so horrifying that I genuinely do not know if I will be able to get through it without taking my Lorazepam beforehand (which I know is a horrible idea, and my psychiatrist told me twice that it's a bad idea, and I know it would just make me unbelievably stupid. but holy shit that is the scariest thing I can imagine.)

and of course instead of doing anything useful I'm now just sitting here feeling like shit (like last night, only worse)

[is-this-yuri]

Please help me survive and escape homelessness.

GFM

KF

CA

I want to be safe by the winter of 2025.

I'm having a difficult time fundraising for my van. Repeated car troubles and various other unexpected issues have eaten into my savings multiple times, and while in a slump I wasn't making as many posts about my situation and I got significantly less donations over the last ~6 weeks on both my gofundme and my kofi/cashapp. While I've 'regained' a lot of what I lost, I've been spending about as much as is coming in. Aside from one instance, my emergency expenses were eaten by my fundraiser savings, which was then gained back about as quickly as I was spending it on my daily expenses. I still haven't reached the goal for the recent $1000 I had to spend on my car.

So far I've lost $2,200 of the $3,100 that's shown on the GFM. I'll be updating the fundraiser to reflect the loss.

I'm autistic and struggle just to meet my basic needs, and despite that I've been denied disability income multiple times. Failing to hold a job (and developing PTSD symptoms from my time being employed), and let down and abandoned by anyone who could support me, I'm left with few resources and few options. I try to make posts when I'm in a good mood, or keep people updated when I'm in a bad mood. I make videos on YouTube, hoping eventually I can show people what their money has gotten for me.

On a good month, I only spend about $600, leaving me some space to save the donations I was previously getting. With winter and the holidays coming, I'm not sure I'll be getting as much money as the warmer months, and I'll be spending more on keeping myself warm and fed over the winter. It will be more like $800/mo now. The only real solution is getting more money than I'm spending, as I'm already spending as little as I safely can.

I'll only take financial advice from someone who has lowered their expenses below mine, with the same disabilities and circumstances as me. What I need is more money, and I don't always have the energy to pay back with art and things like that. I don't even always have the energy to post my pleas for help. I don't have a sponsor to help me make these posts.

I'm in a low energy mode because what can I do with no money? In a state where I have to spend as little as possible, see such slow results, see most of it taken by things outside my control, and somehow keep up hope that this will work?

When I feel safe and have adequate shelter in a van, I'll be able to REST. And then start working harder and making more money one way or another. Whether you think I should suck it up and get a job or you want to see me become a content creator, I need money for any kind of opportunity and I'm just not getting enough.

So, thank you to everyone who's suppported me so far. Thank you to the repeat supports. I'm sorry I had to spend your money on other things. Thank you to the person who covered most of a huge expense I was stressing about a couple months ago. Thank you to the person who sent me $200 to get a hotel and told me to take care of my mental health before saving anything. Thank you to the blogs that have featured my fundraiser in your posts. Thank you to everyone who keeps boosting and cheering me on even though you can't support financially.

I don't know what else I can do to get more people like that to see me. There are so many options on the internet, but it's still a daunting task and as much as I can't really afford to rest, I have to sometimes. Often, in fact.

Please keep boosting this post until my goal is really met. Until I can spend more than $600 a month and actually earn your money rather than beg for it.