#i haven't finished the event yet but like...the grief thing

[xfreischutz]

so long, adele

[gaiaseyes451]

2024 Fic Roundup / AO3 Ask Game

Oi, so many tags! Thank you @nosferatini, @kotias and @cheeseplants!

What fandoms do you write in?

Good Omens

How many words have you published in 2024?

Not including collaborative works: 129,329. Good grief, that feels like a lot.

What is your greatest achievement this year?

Honestly, I'm proud of myself for writing to deadlines this year. A lot of my writing was for events and I'm always terrified I won't make it but I did! I also art'd for the first time for @the-literal-kj

What are your favourite top three fics you've written this year?

Ostinato - Pianist Crowley summons Aziraphale back from Heaven. This let me lean into my pianist background, I loved writing this for the High Pollen Count event.

Breathless - The breath play kink fic that was never planned but @sixbynine-da demanded. I've never had a scene flow out of me like this and it isn't angst!

A Little Life - My first long fic. Folks say it's sad and it is, but to me it also... isn't... Forever indebted to @fuzzygoblin for the music prompt for the Good Omens Song and Poetry exchange and for gamely agreeing despite all the trigger warnings (before they knew it was me writing it). <3

What was your biggest pit of despair moment?

Truthfully, I'm in my lowest point of the year right now. Haven't written a word since finishing Breathless. But I've got amazing friends in this community who have my back. I'll be okay.

What have you learned?

Tell the story you want to tell. Better to write for yourself and the handful of people the story will resonate with than to force a story you think will appeal to the masses. If it's pulling at you, it's pulling for a reason.

Reach out to your idols, I've yet to find one of the people I perceive as BNF's to be anything but kind and encouraging.

I'm pretty sure I can HTML just about anything with a general guide now.

What fic did you want to do but never made it off the ground?

I still have a roughly 20k draft of 1941 that I wanted to finish. It needs to be rewritten, but I will finish it.

Did you beta any fics? Any favs you want to shout out?

I beta for a lot of folks! I'm going to miss people, I'm so sorry. @adverbian's Is This Desire?

@kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon's Sins of Knowledge

@sixbynine-da's A Tricky Situation

@spectrallydistracted's If I Loved You Less ... We Could Have Coffee

Most everything by @the-literal-kj and @hakunahistata but particularly KJ's Show the Way and Haku's 21 Grams

What three fics have you read this year that you love?

Someone is Calling Him Shorewards by @harlotofupdog - The first fic that made me break my "I don't read WIPs" rule. Gorgeous and atmospheric and sexy and heartwrenching and mysterious. I don't know how I got the title of angst queen in our little group when Harlot wrote Shorewards.

Quite Contrary by @gingiekittycat - Poor Gingie has listened to me write honest to someone literary analysis of this fic as well as beg for multiple historical prequels. This one lives rent free in my head and will for a long time.

Play for Me the Music of Your Heart by @leviosally - There is one chapter left to go that I (and everyone else) am waiting for with baited breath, but now is a perfect time to start a read if you haven't yet. This is, in my opinion, the quintessential musician AU written by someone with a deep love and understanding of music. Spellbinding.

What ideas are percolating for next year?

@the-literal-kj and I are already working on our Heaven before the Fall story that we've been calling Bitter Things! The other big fic I'd like to get out is a Human AU where Peter Pan collides with Peaky Blinders. And, in January, expect.... wait for it... fluff

Who do you want to thank?

@hakunahistata, @the-literal-kj and @adverbian - You three cheer and challenge and cackle and cry and you make things better, both my writing and my day to day life. I'm grateful for you as beta's and I'm humbled to call you my friends.

@kneelbeforeyourdogbabylon, @dbacklot99 and @sixbynine-da - Y'all are the first real collaborators I've worked with on an as of yet unspoken project. I have so enjoyed working with you three and also becoming friends! Thank you for the randomness and the wonderful angst spirals and that utterly AMAZING Lucicrow birthday gift - Changing Keys

@goodomensafterdark community and all the wonderful folks who are following me here or have taken the time to kudos and/or comment on my work. Seeing what y'all create and hearing from you brightens my day immensely! I'm so grateful for this amazing, welcoming, exuberant fandom!

No pressure tags: I have no idea who hasn't been tagged yet, if you're mentioned above please take it as a tag. If you see this and want to play, please do and tag me!

[k9effect]

Here a slightly evil question: in an au where they get sent on the mission and Maverick gets shot down but he and Bradley haven't made up yet,

A) does Bradley still turn around to save him?

B) if Maverick doesn't survive (whether or not Bradley turned around) does Bradley go to the funeral?

C) do the rest of the Daggers go to the funeral?

Oh anon youve triggered a sleeper agent in me!!!!!

I've written a fic like this!!!!!!! Lovingly dubbed the grief fic, its literally just a character study of bradley if that exact thing happened, if mav got shot down and bradley actually followed orders and returned to the carrier instead of going back to save him. I haven't finished it cause life got in the way, but i'll get back to it soon i swear ahaha. I wrote a huge funeral chapter and everything. Even a will reading and stuff. Wrote a massive letter mav wrote in the event of his death to be paired with his will. Its insane the thought i put into this fic ahaha i really gotta get back to it

Currently 6 chapters (out of 10 planned), 31k words. Very heavy on the grief but I really tried to be as in character as I can. Brad is just angry for so much of the fic. I have another chapter and a bit ready to upload I just havent uploaded it yet, if it gets some more love it might motivate me but it was a heavy fic to write and i had to take a break. Its very heavy on the major character death so be warned. Mav is very dead and gone, doesnt come back, done-zo.

Anyways heres the link! Enjoy, if you decide to read it!

[niennawept]

Fanfiction Author Interview Game

Fanfic writer interview

Thank you for tagging me, @fishing4stars! Sorry it took so long to answer.

How many works do you have on AO3? 17, which is a good deal more than this time last year.

What’s your total AO3 word count? 184,247, which is not too much more than last year, lol.

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes: (I’m going to only include narratives here - I do have a NSFW alphabet but we're not counting that.)

Scars of Silver and Gold: An elven healer is captured by orcs prior to the events of season one of The Rings of Power and when one of them is injured, she makes the only choice her conscience will accept. It sets her on a path that will change her life and how she views the world forever. Adar/OC.

Mistletoe Mischief: A smutty one-shot about a secretary reader kissing her boss under the mistletoe... and other things. Adar/Reader

Calendar Girl: Reader is a photographer who must pay the rent; Adar is a model for a sexy charity calendar. Shenanigans ensue. Adar/Reader

My Kingdom for a Door: A lighthearted little one-shot set after Scars. Spicy. Adar/OC.

Because the world is ending: A ficlet that imagines Bilbo and Thorin went to destroy the Ring instead of Frodo and Sam. Bagginshield.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Always! One of the things that's so fun about fandom is sharing it with other people. Conversations across chapters of a fic are so wonderful.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Scars has a pretty bittersweet ending imo. Yes - they get some very good things at the end, but also [spoilers redacted].

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? I think it's a tie between "heavy is the crown" and "into the wild." The former is an AU where Kili outlived Thorin and Fili to become King and Balin comforts him on a bad grief day. And the latter imagines a hopeful-ish ending where Mablung found Nienor before it was too late.

Do you write crossovers? Not so far.

Have you ever received hate on a fic? Nope. Spam sometimes. Once I got a comment that complimented me while bringing down other writers (not fic writers, public figures) and that made me feel kinda funny. But not hate, no.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yep, please see the kudos'd fics list, lol. Mostly M/F, some F/F.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I hope not - but if one has been I don't know about it.

Have you ever had a fic translated? One - a very long time ago in a fandom far away (which is gonna make you think Star Wars, but I've never written Star Wars fic)

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope. Though, I have talked people through blocks before and had that done for me.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? Vingilot - next question.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Oh gosh. I have several at this point. A fic about Finrod's death with Adar making a guest appearance. A Meladriel fic that I was writing for a silmkinkmeme prompt. A Vaire/Miriel fic that I was writing for a silmkinkmeme prompt. Who knows? Sometimes I get a wild hare to rescue one-shots like those.

What are your writing strengths? People mention my worldbuilding and my original characters most often.

What are your writing weaknesses? I'm a perfectionist and I let it stop me from writing drafts sometimes. I'm getting better but boy, it is it hard.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? As long as there's a translation that's fairly easy to access or intuit from the words on the page, I'm all for it. I think languages and Tolkien go hand in hand.

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to? I still haven't written anything for Lord of the Rings, despite having fics for the Silm, The Hobbit, and Rings of Power. One day I'll write the Eomer/Lothiriel fic where she doesn't know how to ride a horse and he has to teach her.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? Mmmmm. I'm going to disqualify Scars on account of that would be a boring answer. So ... toss up between "peaches we devour, dusty skins and all" and "Where now all our sons?" I'm very proud of both of those fics. And coincidentally, they both were written this year. So I might not have written much, but at least I wrote some things that I liked.

Thanks for the tag, friend. This was a much needed distraction at the end of a long day.

Tagging (no pressure): @bigblissandlove1, @hellofeanor, @dwarveslikeshinythings, and anyone to whom this looks like fun!

[spnfemslashbang]

2024 Reverse Bang Masterpost!

And so we come to the end of the event. Many thanks and congratulations to the artists, writers and betas who contributed this year!

We had eight teams finish this year. If you haven't gotten the chance to see what they created, look under the cut, or check out the AO3 Collection.

The Perfect Woman by @friendofcarlotta based on art by @kayliemalinza (Daphne Allen/Carmen Porter, M) When Daphne Allen discovers that her vanished husband Emmanuel is in fact the angel Castiel and is happily dating a man named Dean Winchester, she decides to take revenge. Step 1: Create a living replica of Carmen Porter, Dean Winchester’s perfect woman from a past djinn dream. Step 2: Watch Castiel’s relationship with Dean fall apart and dance on its ashes. What Daphne didn’t consider is that Dean is immune to Carmen’s charms these days — and that Daphne herself is not.

2. Dark Magic by @father-salmon based on art by @hawkland (Amara/Rowena Macleod, E) They’re the two most powerful women in the universe: Rowena, Queen of Hell, and Amara, the Darkness. Surely, they would be even more unstoppable (and sexy) together. When the Empty refuses to go back to sleep, marking its claim over Jack, it’s up to both of them to take it down. Amara has been on the front lines keeping it at bay, while Rowena’s magic holds the key to its eternal slumber. After that, what’s next? Their previous connection has shed new light on their relationship. Amara feels untethered now that she is no longer fighting for a place in the world but it’s Rowena that shows her that more adventures await. If they could just open their eyes.

3. stripes (old habits die screaming) by @dothwrites based on art by @kayliemalinza (Amara/Rowena Macleod, E) When Amara defeats Chuck and the Winchesters, she takes on Rowena as a new pet. Too bad Rowena likes to bite the hand that feeds. Too bad that Amara enjoys punishing Rowena for her infractions. Too bad Rowena kind of likes it.

4. The Life that Wakes Me In the Night by @doctorprofessorsong based on art by @mbqnoyolo (Missouri Mosely/Mary Winchester, E) Mary Winchester left hunting behind for the apple pie life, but it turns out hunting isn't quite done with her. When she starts experiencing disturbing visions, Mary seeks out the help of a local psychic, Missouri Moseley, in an attempt to contain them so that she can get back to her life. Unfortunately, she instead draws Missouri into a case. They're forced to hit the road...but can they outrun Mary's past?

5. and when i call, you come home by bee pinoruno based on art by @sagee-sketches (Donna Hanscum/Jody Mills, G) After Jack brings back the world, all seems to be right again... except Jody and Kaia are missing. Donna, after getting help from Sam, who's consumed with grief after Dean's death, sets out to rescue Jody, Kaia, and several others from where they've been trapped in the Empty... and learns a bit more about herself along the way.

6. Lions Paw by @mbqnoyolo based on art by @kayliemalinza (Ellie & Portia, T) After the nightmare at Cassity Ranch, Ellie heads south for more goofer dust. Having Crowley's hellhounds on your heels makes for a rough road trip and along the way she has a run in with one of the Things That Go Bump in the Night. But things don't turn out the way she had expected them to.

7. Girl's Night by @sapphicmoonlightlilith based on art by @celestialminion (Rowena Macleod/Mary Winchester, M) “This might be the nicest date you've taken me on yet,” Rowena started, half smiling at Mary, who had just returned to the table they were standing at with a few drinks. Taking a sip of the one clearly for her, she paused for a moment and examined Mary, who looked distracted. “What's the catch?” “What do you mean, what's the catch? We're on a date, it's fun. It's a gallery opening, you love those.” Mary said, staring at a group of women a few tables away. “No, you've never taken me on a date like this, and we've gone on several.” “Maybe I decided it was time to impress you?” “No, you had your chance to do that before you tried to take me to a bar that was literally called The Drainage Ditch. My standards are unsurprisingly lower now.” Rowena said, trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together. “Maybe I-” “This is a hunt, isn't it.” “I can explain.”

8. are you dreaming (is it me you're seeing) by @astralpenguin based on art by @mbqnoyolo (Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak, T) When Kaia falls asleep on Jody’s sofa after getting rescued from the Bad Place, she’s alone inside her head for the first time in all her life. Until she isn’t

[rose0725]

Butler's wine festival

Episode 2

[To the city of Tobiris ]

⚠️ The translation can be wrong

Mu:Mgh.... I still feel sleepy...

You:Good morning, Mu

Mu:Ah. Good morning, Lord.Sorry….

I ate too much food last night.

My stomach is bloated... I had a hard time falling asleep.

You:a-are you okay?

Mu:Ah, yes. I'm a little sleepy, but other than that I'm fine!

Once I eat breakfast, I'll be back to normal in no time!

You:(Great appetite...)

Mu:Ah, now Is everyone else awake yet? Last night... It seems like they are still drinking even after the master took their leave.

*I typed 'their' because the master can be both men and women/Boys and girls

You:by the way…

Lono aside...., I feel like Lucas, Boschi, and Hanamaru weren't good at getting up early.

They said they were leaving for the city of Tbilis in the morning...

Was everyone able to wake up properly?

Mu:Hmm~

I'm starting to get a little worried.

For now…,

Shall we go to the entrance hall?

You:I agree

When Mu and I got ready... For now, I decided to go down to the entrance.

Lono:Ah! Good morning, Lord.

You:Good morning,Lono

Mu:Mr. Lono!

You were already awake.

Lono:No wonder. I wonder if I'll be able to sleep through my important trip with my master.

I'm sorry, Lord. I thought I'd go pick you up to your room, but... Preparing breakfast and arranging the carriage...

I haven't been able to do it until now. Good grief…. Those three people really have a weakness for mornings~

Those 3 people including Lucas, Boschi, and Hanamaru

Mu:Ah, now that I think about it...

What happened to Lucas and the others?

Maybe... Are they still sleeping in their room?

Lono:No. It's already happening./They already woke up

It's just...,After all its in the morning.

It seems that it takes time to get ready

That's it./That's all

Tap....tap..

Lono:Oops. If you make rumors ...

Lamli:Look, Lucas -sama!

I arrived at the entrance hall.

Oh, there is also the Lord.

Good morning, Lord 🎶

Lono:Lucas ... Are you still sleeping?

Lucas:Yeah...

I managed to finish the clothes and hair set.

It seems like I was drinking late yesterday ... Is it like this for about 10 minutes?

Lono:T-that's right ... Doing something is hard.

Lamli:Hmmm~

Well, I can make it alone while sleeping ...

It's an important trip from today. Just in case, I was asked to take care of myself!

If I didn't have a wine cellar cleaning work ... I'm going on a trip together. If you skip, you'll be disgusted by the Nac all year round. This time I will put up with it.

Lono:Ah ... You said, by the way.

You:(It's an experience ...)

Mu:That?

By the way, what are the other two?

Tap..tap..

Ammon:Good morning! Now, I'm waking up Boschi.

I think he will come down soon ... Can you wait a little longer?

Teddy:Good morning! Are you all together?

Hanamaru is coming here now ...

Please wait a little longer!

Mu:Oh! Amon, Teddy ...

Maybe..

Did they ask you guys to wake them up in the morning?

Ammon:That's right. In the unlikely event that you don't sleep.

Teddy:I'm always early in the morning. This is very cheap to use. Hanamaru's clothes and preparation have been completed. You don't have to sleep!

Ammon:That's right. Then wait for them to come ...

Lono:..........

Mu:.......

........The are not coming

Teddy:Oh, it's funny/This is wierd...

I will see a little.

*door sound*

Ammon:I also ... . I'll go back to the second floor.

Tap..tap..

Teddy:Wow!

Hanamaru-san, that's not tatami!

Well, it's cobblestone, so it's tatami... Anyway, it's no good if you sleep on the road!

Ammon:Boschi-san...! It's no good if you sleep leaning against the wall. Mo~, isn't your forehead turning red?

Lono:One thing...

Everyone seems to be having a hard time...

Teddy:Hey, wake up! Delicious wine is waiting for you!

Lucas:eh?Delicious wine?

Mu:Ah. Looks like you've woken up now.

Lamli:Good morning, Mr. Lucas🎶

Lono:......Do I have to wake these three up during the trip......?

Lamli:Hehe. Looks like you had a pretty fun party last night~

Ammon:That's right. I was carefully asked to wake up earlier than usual.I'm sure you were looking forward to the trip with the lord.

Boschi:Shut up. Don't say too much, Amon.

Hanamaru:Hehe. Anyway, thank you for waking me up. Thank you, Teddy. I'll buy some delicious wine as a souvenir.

Teddy:Yes! Please give me something that I can drink with Mr. Yuhan!

Lucas:Well.Then, I'm ready to leave ... As scheduled…. Let's go to the city of Tobilis.

Lamli:Welcome!Please be careful on the way! Please buy a lot of delicious wine~

You:Yeah, I'm going

Mu:Hehe ... I'm looking forward to what kind of festival it is!

[bleachbleachbleach]

Ask meme:

1. The last sentence you wrote. 4. A story you haven't written yet. 11. a WIP you'd like to finish one day. 13. A fandom you'd like to write for.

Thank you for the ask! <3 These are from this fic writer ask meme.

1. The last sentence you wrote. Out here, it’s easier to pretend, at least, that more of the wrong is outside than inside.

--which is from edits of the Rukia 7 chapter of my WIP. She has a dead body in her arms, so her math on this is probably correct!

4. A story you haven't written yet. I had hoped to write this for the Celebrate Bleach event, but did not remotely have time to do so. But I’d like to write my post-TYBW Ganju fic, which is partly about Hinamori starting a Rukongai grief camp for the souls of recently-arrived children; but since it’s from Ganju’s POV it's also about how life changes for Kuukaku and Ganju after TYBW and what it’s like for Ganju to be someone’s big brother.

11. A WIP you'd like to finish one day. My current one, though it will probably finish me first. It is making me feel aggressively SOME TYPE OF WAY right now. ⚰️

13. A fandom you'd like to write for. B-Bleach… 😳😳😳 I’m not someone who enjoys a lot of things in a fic-way, and my ideal state is to be monofandom. If I’ve written for a fandom I would take that as evidence not simply of marriage to a fandom but as a renewal of vows with a fandom to which I was already married some time ago. Of the three fandoms I’ve written for most recently, two are things I came back to 10-15 years after my first non-fic foray with them, and the other I’ve simply been writing for for 15 years. From first getting into that fandom to publicly posting fanfic, it probably took about eight months. From getting back into Bleach, “time-to-fanfic” was about a month but it was a very intense month, ahahaha.

[screechingcheesecakecheesecake]

This makes me so sad with how Frank undermines himself so much. Throughout the story even though he obviously has his own issues, does his best to be the emotional support to others.

He checked up on Harvey to see how the guy is doing. He wanted to find a way to give Yann a break after the arrest of the Puppeteer so that Yann could resolve his past. He was so, SO, SO, protective of Amy during the events of White Peaks arc because he knew how heavy things are for her, he hated how her mother treated her, comforted her when she ran away. He tried to reconnect with his daughter. He checked up on Chief Andrea after we solved the case of Colonel Spangler. Even though he never directly consulted Player about it, he changed for Karen.

Like, even though he's a slacker, he's physically capable and has immobilized dangerous suspects multiple times, protecting both Amy and the player.

He was so grief-stricken this whole time yet he did all that he could for those he loved, whether he ended up committing a crime for it or dying for it.

I remember now that on one case, he said that he doesn't feel well about the idea of a fellow colleague dying on duty and like 🫠🫠🫠

I really love his character holy shit. His dynamic with Amy as her senior and overall as the oldest in the squad is everything to me.

(Haven't finished the chapter yet but lawd I am upset)

[genshinemblem564]

I am curious who is your favorite oc in feh.

I don't really think about favorites often, they just happen, so I'll list the ones that stand out and the reasons they do so. Sorry I couldn't answer your actual question, I hope this will suffice.

• Alfonse: His reason for remaining distant from summoned heroes was understandable. Just because they're here now doesn't mean anything. They will eventually have to return to their worlds and fulfill their roles. After learning about Zacharias however, my heart broke. He's self isolating due to trauma and grief, Anna and Sharena are hurt too, but he took it the hardest by a mile, and it's only made worse after the reveal. I never wanted a character to be real just to give them a hug more in my life, our boy needs that hug bad.

• Bruno: Man is loyal to the end. He fakes his death, takes on a new identity, and tries to get his best friend to kill him because of a curse on his family's blood where he's not in control of his own actions, all the while searching for a way to lift said curse for the sake of his sister.

• Veronica: I was always confused about how loneliness leads to wanting to destroy a nation, but after Bruno's explanation, I believe her actions may not be her own. This is only proven further by Brave Veronica since she holds no animosity towards the summoner, and now I just feel bad for her. Also, I love how Xander joins her willingly for the reason that she reminds him of Corrin. I think my teeth rotted from too much sweetness.

• Fjorm: Her story is a sad one from start to finish, and she still has the strength to press forward. Unless I missed an event, I'm fairly certain her contract with the summoner is the only thing keeping her alive, as I believe it's stated in game that Breidablik can revive heroes, even ones not summoned if I've interpreted the light's blessing mechanic correctly.

• Laegjarn: She is such a great character. She spent every day fighting to survive Muspell's cruelty using her smarts rather than her brawn. She was never as cruel as her father, only seeking combat because it's an order, wishing for peace between the nations of fire and ice. Even in her final moments, she thinks only of her sister's safety.

• Helbindi: Typical meat head, that's what I thought at first, I was DEAD WRONG. From his motivations for fighting to his betrayal of Surtr, he is a phenomenal and tragic character. I also headcanon that he acts as a second older brother to Ylgr, at least I think it's a headcanon, I can't remember if that's their in game dynamic or not.

• Lif: I haven't played book III yet, so I can't say much other than "I like his design." I mostly try to avoid spoilers unless I'm researching for my writing.

As for FEH original characters beyond book III, I know next to nothing about them, as I've been playing in a linear fashion, despite not needing to. I actually beat book II on my first account, but it wasn't linked to my Nintendo account, so it didn't carry over, but that's why I'm able to give my opinion on book II original characters, in case you were wondering after what I said for Lif.

Regarding Fjorm's section, FEH is honestly almost as bad as Genshin when events are involved. The only thing making them better is that you can rewatch event cutscenes, but only ones you unlocked or that occur naturally, such as openings and endings. I know Fjorm has one regarding the rite she underwent, but I forget its name and category.

[bouncybongfairy]

Growing Pains: A Morgan Stark FanFic

Summary: Morgan Stark, who is now starting her freshman year of college, was feeling on top of the world. Just posing for the cover of Empire Magazine in a Pink Iron Man suit that she designed and engineered herself. Accepted into the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and living on campus, away from the watchful eyes of her mother and Happy. Like any fresh face to a college campus, she had found stress relief in the frat parties, especially on dollar shot nights. While maintaining the stress of school, mommy issues and a troubling identity complex, she must also confront the grief of her father that she locked away for so long. While doing so, she must deal with the criticism of the tabloids and general public.

Word Count: 4k+

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

It was Friday night, and Morgan was walking back to her dorm after her last class. She was looking forward to going out tonight with her roommate, Allison. She was halfway through the second semester of her freshman year and right now; she was feeling a little cocky. She had just posed for Empire Magazine, wearing the Pink Iron-Man suit she started designing at 14. This is part of what got her into MIT, but of course her 4.0 GPA, 4 years on the water polo team, and presidency of STEAM and Chess club didn't look too bad on her application either. There was controversy behind her going to the school that has had a statue of her father in the courtyard over a decade. Claims that her admission could be a conflict of interest but these were all shot down by her stellar academic record. She had laminated a Vogue article that named her the princess on campus and hung it on her vanity. Her mother was calling. She rolled her eyes before answering the call. 

"Hey mom," she said. 

"Hey baby, how was school?" she asked. Morgan would never admit this, but she heard her mother's voice. It brought her a great deal of comfort. 

"It was good. I feeling pretty confident about the English Essay I have due next week, I pretty much done," 

"Oh good, I'm glad to hear that, I just wanted to remind you that tomorrow you have a speaking engagement and it's so-so important to be prepared because you'll be speaking in front of almost every media outlet so please-" her mother began but was interrupted by Morgan. 

"Mother, when have I ever not delivered when it came to publicity or literally anything. I think I proved that I can be trusted with myself," she said. 

"Of course honey I know that, I don't mean to project on to you. I guess I just called because I miss you, I'm always going to bug you about these things, it's my job," she laughed into the phone. 

"I miss you too. Sometimes I wake up and wonder why you haven't barged into my room yet," Morgan laughed while unlocking her door. Allison was getting ready, deciding on what dress to wear. 

"Well, we should go out to dinner after the event. I would never give up the time to be with you. I have to go but please try and jot down some notes for the engagement pretty please?" she asked. 

"Of course, I'll take it easy tonight. I love you mom, okay bye," Morgan said, hanging up and letting her backpack plop down on the ground. 

"Are you really not coming out tonight?" Allison asked as she glued one of her eyelashes on. 

"Fuck no. I didn't go out last weekend and how many times have I pulled through even if I was hungover. Remember that chemistry lab that I threw up halfway through and got extra credit points for finishing," she pointed out while pulling her jeans off before continuing, "not to mention I got up early today and shaved, exfoliated, and washed my hair so I'm coming out," Morgan said. 

"How can I forget, you convinced the professor but the entire classroom could recognize the smell of Pink Whitney from a mile away," she joked, changing into her dress, "too much?" Allison asked. She was wearing a tube top dress that has a hole to show off her belly ring. 

"Not enough," Morgan joked, changing into a denim miniskirt and a white, tightly fitted long sleeve that had the word BITCH bedazzled across the chest. To complete the outfit she added a pair of chunky brown heels. 

It didn't take long for the girls to finish getting dolled up. They didn't have to go far because the party was gonna be at a frat tonight but not just any frat, they were going to Kappa Sigma; this was the biggest frat on campus. Morgan was extremely excited, things were hard mentally but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. The type of anxiety that someone gets on summer break because they aren't used to being free of responsibility. She chalked it up to being away from home for the first time in her life and all the reminders of her dad that were on campus. There were posters, quotes, and of course that statue. She was so young when he died, she didn't really remember him. Of course she had some core memories of him but she was 5 years old. As she got older, they began to become harder to piece together. Her mom made sure to keep her busy throughout her childhood, in an attempt to distract Morgan from the grief. Now that you were away from home and in what everyone referred to as 'her prime' she was questioning if she was really.. okay. Maybe she was just masking her personal issues with school and her social life. They finally reached the lawn of the fraternity, the house music was blasting so loud Morgan could feel the vibration through the ground. She could feel her phone buzz from her purse, she dug through it letting out an irritated groan when her pen dropped on the ground. 

"Hello?" she answered. 

"Morg, I got a notification that you left campus. Your mom told you that you have a speaking engagement tomorrow right?" she immediately recognized Happy's voice and laughed a little. 

"Yes, I'm just hanging out with a couple girlfriends at their sorority and then going right back to my dorm," Morgan explained. 

"Well that's weird considering your location is showing me the Kappa house and I can hear the music in the background," he said. 

"I'm only going to be out for a couple hours and I'll call you if I need help and when I get back to my dorm. I'll be fine just please don't tell my mom I don't want her to freak out on me over something so small, please?" She tried as hard as she could to convey her puppy eyes from over the phone. 

"Promise to call? Just for my peace of mind please, even a text," he agreed.

"I promise, love you Happy," you said smiling. 

"Love you too kid," he said ending the call. 

She really did have every intention of going home after a few drinks but that all changed. They met up with a couple of their friends and were drunkenly dancing with each other. Morgan made her way to the kitchen and poured herself about half a red solo cup of vodka. She poured a fair amount of the cherry kool-aid liquid concentrate into her cup and swirled it until it was decently mixed. She was a bit tipsy by this point which influenced her decision to throw a couple ice cubes into the cup. Her logic was that once the ice melted it would water down her drink. Allison found Morgan and let out a sigh of relief. 

"I've been looking for you, one second we were dancing and the next I was lost," Allison slurred slightly. 

"Just getting another drink is silly," she replied and Allison led them to the dance floor. 

"Soo, one of my friends wanted to go really hard tonight because Monday is a three day weekend. She has Molly and I think we should take some together. I know what you're gonna say but I don't know, I feel like we've gotten so close since we moved into our dorm together. You're constantly working and I feel like you should let loose so you don't like.. combust," she laughed out towards the end. 

Morgan didn't realize but she drank half of her cup while she was talking. She opened her mouth to respond but before she could, she turned into something else. She looked past Allison and made eye contact with what appears to be her father with a concerned face. Her heart stopped and she could now physically feel the rhythm in her finger lips. She looked at Allison in disbelief before going to point him out. As she arm raised to gesture to him, she realized it wasn't her father at all. Just a guy with dark hair and the same beard pattern. She almost started to freak out but began to talk herself down mentally. The only reason she thought she saw him was because 1: that dude looked incredibly similar. 2: she was drunk and therefore overly emotional. 3: she was projecting her sober stress onto her drunk mindset. Allison looked at her more concerned and asked if she was alright. Morgan at this point was a bit discombobulated, she was just telling herself that she was letting her anxiety get the best of her. She figured maybe a little Molly would give her a mental reset and easy some of her anxiety. To be fair she was pretty drunk by this point. Alli ends up leading Morgan into a bathroom, which she would have protested to in any other case. 

"Oh my god! It's so pretty!" Morgan drunkenly gushed as one of her girlfriends pulled out the clear baggie that contained the pink powder. 

"Right?" Allison remarked. 

She used her fingernail to scoop the molly and bring it to her nose. It burned and made her eyes water a bit. Someone began knocking on the door which forced the girls out of the bathroom. They stumbled their way to the main common area where a huge group of people were dancing to We R Who We R by Ke$ha. Morgan was now dancing with Alli, who was standing behind her as she grinded against her backside. The drugs were really really starting to hit her and at first it really was helping with her anxiety. She was laughing, swaying back and forth to the music. She started laughing to herself about even having anxious feelings in the first place. She really was in her prime, front cover of Empire, full ride to MIT, projected to be valedictorian of her class, and she was hot as hell, on top of that she knew it. She had been told her whole life that she had a gifted mind, that the hurdles she was jumping over were remarkable. She always thought that was what adults told to every kid but it was like she hit an epiphany. She was the heir of the Stark fortune, not only did she inherit money but her fathers mind. She wasn't powerful; she was power. This was the first time she looked at herself from a different perspective. She was so high she felt like her body was buzzing with potential. 

She turned around to find Allison was gone. Feeling a bit lost, she made her way to the bathroom. She grabbed her phone and texted her roomate to see where she was. It was after that she noticed her teeth were chattering slightly. She grabbed her pen from her purse and took a long drag. She turned around and looked into the mirror, at first she was just checking her outfit and makeup but then she got focused on her face. She had never noticed how brown her eyes were, it reminded her of the painting of her father that was in her mothers house; a honey, almost amber brown. She swore she could see specks of color floating around in her eye. She brushed her fingers over her lip, every other time she blinked she could see her father's face. She had to physically put her hands over her face to ensure it was still her. Her heart-rate was through the roof and tears began pooling in her eyes. She swung the bathroom door open again and started looking around for Alli who was nowhere in sight. She began to panic, she didn't want to call her mother or Happy. That would just cause mass amounts of problems, they specifically asked her not to do this. After taking a deep breath, she shoved her phone into her pocket and decided to walk back to her dorm. It wasn't like she was at a club, she was still on campus and a little less than a mile away from her room. Once she stepped outside the cool breeze pushed her hair out of her face. 

It was dark and Morgan's high had started to turn from fun to scary. She could barely see anything around her and she felt like she was going around in circles. Everytime she thought she was finally starting to get close to her dorm, the less familiar she would become with her surroundings. Her feelings of paranoia and anxiety were getting bad, her emotions were heightened and she couldn't stop tears from flowing out of her eyes. She thought for a second she might be having a heart attack or something which terrified her. She was now on her phone debating if she should call Happy. Cats out of the bag if she did though, there was no way Happy wouldn't tell her mom. She could feel her heels sinking into the ground which scared her until she realized it was grass. Morgan looked up from her phone and realized she had walked all the way to the courtyard. Her hands fell to her side and she looked up at the bronze statue of her late father. As she started, she felt like the eyes were watching her.. maybe even judging. She tried to look away but she couldn't. She started walking backwards and accidentally bumped into someone. Once she first noticed that it was a man she got a bit scared but then realized it was Brandon: her highschool sweetheart.

"Brandy.. holy shit how -hiccup- long has it been," she slurred wrapping her arms around his neck. 

"Morgan thank fuck I found you. Allison was throwing up in the kitchen skin and her friend told me you guys took MDMA. So much shit could have happened to- you know it's one thing to do drugs, it's another to wander off alone at night on drugs," he said, supporting her weight. 

"I miss being on the chess team together, do you remember that time at the chess tournament? At that Hampton hotel and we snuck out of our rooms? I miss when times -hiccup- were like.. easy you know? The only thing to worry about was getting caught for dumb things," Morgan's face was flooded with tears and her teeth were chattering as she continued, "do you ever look back at things in your life and realized you might have been really sad without realizing it?" she asked, looking up at him. 

"Let me take you home," he said more gently. 

"Are you mad at me?" she asked. 

"No, I was just worried," he said, taking her by the hand, leading her back to his fraternity. 

"Why were you worried if we're not together, were you missing me?" Morgan giggled. 

"This isn't fucking funny Morgan, it's not some game. You could have gotten abducted or raped. You think I don't notice you at the frat parties? You're drinking constantly and now you're doing drugs? I just don't get it, are you okay like honestly who are you nowadays?" he asked, turning around so that they were face to face. 

"I don't know I- it's just kinda complicated and it's just a mix of all kinds of things. I'm sorry I didn't- please don't be upset with me," she said. 

His face dropped when he saw her face. She looked so vulnerable and it made him feel bad for snapping at her, especially when she was this wasted. He grabbed her face and wiped the mascara stained tears off her cheeks with his thumbs. He was always infatuated with her, ever since he could remember. Even as children he liked the way she always had her nose in the air, especially because it wasn't in a cocky way. Being cocky meant that you were trying to be arrogant, Morgan just knew her worth and it showed in her demeanor; he loved that. They were on and off throughout middle and highschool. The type of couple that would look married walking into school, going through a three year divorce at lunch, and like they were on their honeymoon walking out of school. She was as smart as she was beautiful, athletic and knew where she was going. 

"I adore you," he said, taking his long sleeve shirt off and draping it over her, leaving him in a blank muscle tee. 

"Aren't you gonna be cold?" she asked? 

"Better me than you," he replied. 

They walked back to his room, the party was starting to die down. People passed out sitting up while sleeping against the walls. A couple that were making out on the couch. Brandon got Morgan to his room safely, she plopped down on his bed and took her heels off. He had gone into the bathroom that was attached to his room and came back with a wet towel. As she slid off her skirt he came back and sat on the bed, wiping the makeup off her face. He gave her three tylenols and made her drink an entire water bottle. After he was done, he went to walk out but Morgan begged him to stay. He ended up taking his jeans off and laying with her, he commented about how he was worried. That the pupil of her eyes were so wide and that she shouldn't have taken so much. She convinced him everything was okay, before they drifted off to sleep. 

<3

The next morning, Morgan slowly woke up to the sound of pounding at the door. It was slowly becoming louder and more frequent. At first she buried her face into Brandon's neck but then all of reality hit her at once. She sat up and pulled her long, tangled hair into a bun. She hit Brandon in the thigh a couple times which stirred him awake long enough to hear the banging. Morgan jumped out of bed and grabbed her skirt, sliding it up her legs. She took her phone out of her pocket and saw that it was 3:30 pm and she had about a hundred missed calls from her mom and Happy. She grabbed her purse and sat back down on the bed, slipping on her heels and giving a kiss to Brandon who looked half asleep while sitting up. 

"Call me?" Morgan asked giving him another peck on the cheek, he nodded and laid back down. She flings the door open revealing a pissed Happy; like really pissed. 

"Your moms in the car, she made you wait until she laid her eyes on you. She's gonna hit the damn roof," he said. 

"Happy not right now I don't feel good," Morgan said, pulling a pair of sunglasses out of her purse. 

"Course not, you're hungover," he said. 

"There's worse things to be in this world than being hungover," she said. Once they got to the car, she was kinda scared to face her mother. Morgan took a deep breath before sliding into the backseat. 

"Morgan Stark, where the fuck have you been? I've been calling and calling, you weren't at your dorm. You told me you weren't going out last night and look at you," she was speaking with such intensity. 

"I know I didn't think I was gonna go out I just-" Morgan started. 

"You just disregarded the conversation we had yesterday? I told you that you had a speaking engagement yesterday and you just figured it didn't matter? That I could call and residual? doesn't that sound familiar?" Pepper said. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Morgan asked.

"I didn't-'' She started to rephrase but was cut off by her daughter. 

"No i'm so sick of that honestly, when it comes to my academics i'm always praised. Told things like 'oh you're just like your father' or 'he would be so proud of you' and then if I show signs of mental illnesses he had that when being like him is a bad thing right? You know other than school you never compare me to him in a positive way. It's always 'oh you're so impulsive just like your dad' or 'oh you won't rest until it's done just like your dad' like what the fuck is that? Now you're making me go speak to a group of students and preach to them how adversity makes you stronger? I'm not a role model, I have my own issues and don't really feel up to playing Hannah Montana for a group of people. You do understand that I'm a full time student and when I have days off I don't want to be carted around and pretend to be something I'm not," Morgan said, sinking back into her seat after she finished. 

"Oh my gosh, where is this coming from?" her mother pried. 

"I'm just tired of you booking events without talking to me about it first. I have a lot on my plate and no offense or anything but publicity stunts are so not my priority right now," Morgan grumbled, her mouth starting to salivate uncontrollably. 

"But getting wasted at a frat house when you know you have obligations the next day is the priority?" Her mother asked rhetorically.

"Why is it that I could literally wipe God's ass and you wouldn't bat an eye but obsess over the one time I went a little overboard at a party. I'm telling you that I don't want to do this and you don't care!" Morgan exclaimed.

"Well getting drunk and being too hungover to attend a public appearance isn't the proper way to tell me you don't want to do it," her mother said. 

Morgan grabbed one of the ice buckets, dumping the contents out before vomiting into it. She could hear Happy and her mother going back and forth but obviously. She was throwing up so hard that she was struggling to breath. Vomit was coming out of her nose which burned horribly.  She secured the bucket on the floor in front of her and reached up to grab a couple napkins. After wiping her mouth she looks up at her mother who has a mixed look of concern and disappointment written across her face. Morgan grabs the bucket again and continues to empty her stomach, even though she could smell the alcohol coming from her throw up. Morgan's anger was building and she couldn't talk herself out of it. She was upset that her mother wasn't understanding how she was feeling. That she wasn't taking her well-being into consideration. She did everything right, her whole life she was like the poster child of being a good daughter. Morgan was tired of feeling like her mistakes and flaws were the only thing being taken into consideration. 

"I just thought you had things more under control and-" her mother started but was interrupted by Morgan. 

"That's just the thing, you think things without knowing what actually knowing what's going on. So maybe you should fix that about yourself before judging anyone else," she said, getting up and getting out of the car which was stopped at a red light despite the protests of her mother. 

Once she got out she started speed walking back to campus. Tears were still streaming down her face, she must have some molly in her system because she was feeling so vulnerable. She turned into a bookstore, not wanting Happy or her mother to pursue her. She called Brandon who picked up after a couple rings. She explained to him the situation and that she needed a ride back to campus which he agreed to. She sat at a small table and wiped her face with her hands. She was mentally and physically exhausted, she was also having a bit of a pity party for herself. She didn't get into fights with her mother often so when she did it always felt like the end of the world. She pulled her pen out of her bag and went to take a hit but remembered she was in a store. Not long after she started waiting outside, Brandon pulled up in his blue Mazda. 

"What are you laughing at," Morgan said while putting her seatbelt on. 

"You're a hot ass mess girl," he said, driving her away from her problems temporarily.

[ilikereadingactually]

The Sentence

The Sentence by Louise Erdrich

it feels almost criminal that i have waited this long to read any Louise Erdrich. her work has been in my periphery since 2004, when my best friend wrote heavily about one of her books for her undergraduate thesis (sorry B, i still haven't read The Last Report on the Miracles at Little No Horse). i picked up this one earlier this year, when i was only just getting back into reading more regularly, because (i'm pretty sure) that same friend recommended it, and i love ghosts.

this book contains so much, and somehow still feels so simple and straightforward. like, of course, perfectly ordinary for Tookie to help a crush by transporting a body, who hasn't laughed at greeting card that promises the same? totally expected for the justice system to work against and incarcerate an Ojibwe woman, and just totally normal life stuff for her to marry the former cop who arrested her after she gets out and then have a fraught relationship with his grown daughter and surprise grandchild. and come on, what indigenous-owned independent bookstore isn't haunted by the ghost of a regular customer, especially during early COVID-19, in Minneapolis, amid the grief and rage following the murder of George Floyd?

SO MUCH HAPPENS in this book, but it's all narrowed to Tookie's pov--her own very personal and specific wants and fears, her struggle and belief. it's beautifully done, so delicately balanced, a book that fills you like a warm meal even as you're crying and remembering what you felt like sitting in bed and looking out the window and wondering when you would ever feel safe out there again. i hesitate to call it magical realism, even though i think that's where it falls in the range of "kinds of books i like," because Tookie presents every event as equally real--and in February of 2020, i would have thought a worldwide pandemic and indefinite lockdown just as unlikely as a retail ghost and the otherworldly power of an old book (which is to say, all things i could imagine happening but had never happened to me personally). magnificent.

the deets

how i read it: as an ebook from the library, via Libby! this was at a time when i hadn't yet gotten back into the habit of reading and so frequently forgot to go back to books i was in the middle of, but this one was so compelling i actually finished it before it was due.

try this if you: are ready to process some of that 2020 terror, love a main character whose flaws are part of her charm, want a book with a majority native cast of characters, or just want to hang out in somebody else's weird life for a while.

some memorable moments: i read this a while ago and no longer have it handy to quote, so this is a fun test of my bad memory! there were a lot of scenes i really liked that i can recall, but one that sticks out as very charming to me was when Tookie's artist coworker at the bookstore closed herself in a repurposed confessional booth to decorate the inside, got a little high on the glue, and in this altered state confirmed Tookie's suspicion that a former customer was haunting the store. I loved everything about this; the slightly weird artsy coworker, the confessional in the bookstore (based, i presume, on the one that lives in Erdrich's store, Birchbark Books), the triumph of having someone validate your ghost theory and the tragedy of wondering if it's just because she's been breathing glue fumes.

also, i just love so so much that Louise Erdrich wrote herself into her own book, as the owner of the bookstore in the book which is not quite, but almost, her own bookstore in real life. please i want to just chat with her for several hours, what a mind.

[the-obiwan-for-me]

For the 40 questions.....

4-How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

15-If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

17-Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Yay! More great questions!

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

Honestly, I have 0 fic ideas right now. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. It's kinda sad, but also kind of a relief. Finishing "More Than Blood" was a huge undertaking and while I am proud that I finished not one, but TWO fairly massive longfics, I emptied the tank, so to speak, and haven't really had any big ideas since. I wrote one little canon-ish Bo and Korkie fic awhile back, and I just finally finished a little canon-ish Korkie and Dad fic this week, but that had been an ongoing project for literal years. I have some post MTB moments (and a few "deleted scenes, so to speak) I've written along the way that I may share, but they are moments. Not stories.

Wait, wait, fine. Here's a tiny bit from one of those moments.....

He stared at her, taking her in, pride swelling in him til he ached from it.

His baby girl. His orikih ad’ika. His little firebrand. Now standing tall beside her mother, resplendent in beskar’gram, her wily curls barely contained, her freckles dancing across her cheeks as she smiled brightly up at him, her green eyes blazing with mischief. In mere moments, she would recite the Resol’nare to her aunt, in front of their entire clan, friends, too, from near and far, and proclaim herself Mando’ad. 

But she would always be his orikih ad’ika.

She had been tiny. At one time, though it seemed like both yesterday and three lifetimes ago. Taken abruptly from her mother’s inhospitable womb early, to protect them both. He’d barely needed two hands to hold her tiny body, and her first months she had often slept with her body cradled along his forearm, her tiny head pillowed in his palm. She had been tiny. 

But at thirteen, her Kryze blood was becoming more and more evident every day, as she quickly sprouted into yet another tall, willowy, fierce Kryze woman, and he sometimes wondered how she could ever once have been that tiny. He often had to go back to holos and look at her as a newborn to remind himself.

15. If you could choose one of your fics to be filmed, which would you choose?

I feel like the obvious answer is "She Said the Word." That would be so cool. It would probably need to be it's own trilogy (I mean, it does span from before the events of TPM through the end of the Clone Wars!), there are some really great moments, and my friends have done an incredible job fancasting my OPs (and, sorry, Katee, I adore you and your Bo, but SSTW Bo is Jessica Chastain and I would LOVE to see my girl play out the emotions Bo has in that story!).

Honorable mention, and I realize that because it is mostly an internal story, but I really wish we had had a moment like the moment I wrote in "Burn Bright." I am and always have been a little salty that Luke got to grieve, on screen, the death of Ben Kenobi and the loss of his home, but we never really see Leia grieve. I do know there is a comic with a very similar premise to this story of mine (which came out AFTER I wrote this, I think), and she had some really nice grief moments in Legends as well as "The Princess and the Scoundrel." But they were all years later.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

Almost all my fics are written from start to finish. For one shots and shorter things, sometimes the idea builds from a particular scene or bit of dialogue, and the story may grow around it, with a start and an end placed around the scene to triggered it. But long fics are almost all start to finish. With some occasional deviations. Sometimes I get an idea of a scene that won't leave me alone, so I will write it down, and stick it in when the time comes. There were SEVERAL scenes in the later chapters of "She Said the Word" that were written MONTHS earlier than they were published.

Thanks for the awesome questions! More questions here!

[elizabethplaid]

finished "Dear Esther" (original version)

Just like "Edith Finch", it seems I was nearly at the end of "Dear Esther" when I had to take a break. This time, it was for dinner, rather than needing a breather after heavy emotions.

I took a TON of screenshots. I think some of them hinted at the background story, especially photographs and [spoilers]. There were lots of cairn stones, some of them hidden amid grass and behind buildings.

Check the game's page on Does the Dog Die for warnings. I wouldn't recommend the game without it. As long as you understand that death and grief are important themes in the story and are okay with the warnings, I would recommend this game. The "landmark" edition (remastered) is probably better, though I haven't played it yet.

Hell, you don't even have to climb all the way up the hill. Just explore. The views are breath-taking.

Only 2 complaints: Upon reaching the summit, I wasn't allowed to explore the area around the aerial tower. There was something standing by the fence that freaked me out, and I don't know what it was.

Secondly, I wish I had been able to view all the messages written on the cliffside. I got snippets amid my screenshots, but some of the paths were too narrow. Plus, the script was purposely drippy and sloppy, so the lettering was wonky.

Not a complaint, but a really important point: Because I stopped before the end and came back to it, it wouldn't let me pick up where I left off. Instead, I started from the beginning again, which is fine. Breezed past the opening bit at the beach, went up the hill to the circle of standing stones. OMG THERE'S SOMETHING NEW?! So what else did I miss in the part I skipped?

Everything else seemed to be the same, except the underwater "dream" sequence in the cave. It's a bit spoiler-y, so I can't say specifics. First round, the scene was the same as the footage in this Jacob Geller video. Second round, different thing! It still fit with the implied narrative of what happened to Esther.

First time through the dream, I swam up enough to try sitting on the object. Second round, I skedaddled off to the side, tried to go up the berm/hill away from the road. Since you come out of the dream as you surface from underwater, I just assumed I got too close to the edge and reached the "top" of the water. But the object from the first round, sitting on it would "fit" with the narrative (eg Esther "reliving" part of what happened).

But what if it's a timed event? What if I stood still? Would it still end? Am I supposed to interact with whatever object is there? It took about an hour-and-a-half to get back to that same point in the game, without too much extra exploring. (I had initially paused at 2.4 hours in the game. I now have 4.1 hours total.)

I'd like to interpret things as a dream of/for the narrator. Or maybe you're tracing his path? Because he turns into a bird at the end, the last big action (which I shall not say) is lessened.

Nothing has dissuaded me from wanting to play the updated "landmark edition", thankfully. I think all the same "frustrations" will still be there. Though there is a director's commentary, so that might help ease my heart on the scrawled messages.

Lastly, I'll leave you with a screenshot of the standing-stone circle. The first play-through only featured the brown book, with a metallic quatrefoil design on the cover. Next to it is a chemistry book. Not sure what molecule the graffitied design is, but I think it's the same one that shows up elsewhere on the island.

[edens-pen]

okay, read below. @ramonathinks (all for you babe!)

book recs:

days at the morisaki bookshop : super easy and cute read bc it broke me out of a reading slump! i finished it in an afternoon. it's so summer-y and fun!

one of us is lying: okay. listen. super basic YA read, but still fun! like, a little bit of a mystery but nothing too heavy, very easy to pick and put down and remain invested in it.

the midnight library: so lots of people have called this book shallow and stuff, but i quite liked it. it's a lot about decisions and the way they affect our lives, and how even when we think something is better that might not be true. the intro is kind of dark, but the book gets a bit funny and more interesting.

tv show recs:

suits: harvey specter. that white man has such AURA. and mike ross??? AURA. and when mike's character gets with Rachel (meghan markle)? ohmygod they are hot. like i want to f*ck at least 8 of the people who come on screen (especially jessica pearson, i need her so bad). it's a legal drama, but it's mostly mike and harvey in suits and rachel in tight pencil skirts and i'm still gay asf, so i love it.

the bear: SYDCARMY. i'm sorry. but boss-employee to friends to business partners to best friends to lovers pipeline is actually way too real. i haven't watched season 3 yet, but there is so much chemistry between sydney and carmy. the premise of the show is actually super interesting, a little painful and heartbreaking. deals heavily with themes of family and grief and addiction and ultimately how much of who and what you are being determined by how you were raised and what you'll do with that.

blue eye samurai: one of the few asian shows where the white people are not lauded as some prophesied savior that everyone bows to. the main protagonist is revenge filled and goal oriented. everything else is really subplot. MIZU on top.

music recs:

brat (album) by charli xcx: okay, this one i'm kinda nervous about bc charli has a very specific sound and some people really love it and some people really hate it, but honestly it's fun! she's always put out bangers and this album is no exception. faves for you: "i think about it all the time;" "everything is romantic;" "girl, so confusing;" "mean girls"; "symapthy is a lie"

((sympathy is a lie: "cause i couldn't even be her if i tried, i'm opposite, i'm on the other side i feel all these feelings i can't control"))

cowboy carter by beyonce: i really hope you've been eating this album up because it's honestly one of my favorite bodies of work by her. the sound is so new interesting, but still get the beyonce you know and love in there! she's still that girl! faves for you: "16 carriages;" "bodyguard;" "most wanted;" "ameriican requiem"

((16 carriages: "at 15 the innocence was gone astray, had to take care of home at an early age...had to sacrifice and leave my fears behind"))

what a devestating turn of events by rachel chinouriri: this album. this f*ckin' debut album. turn it on. NEOOWWWW. it's so amazing, i've been listening to her singles waiting for her to drop an album and i'm not disappointed, her music is so beautiful. faves for you: "all i ever asked;" "robbed;" "garden of eden;" "never need me;" "my everything;"

((garden of eden: "no point in trying to prove yourself to them, why question who you are from deep within?"))

movie recs:

rye lane: when i say ROMCOMS are back? they are BACK. two black leads in the very fun, super light romcom. honestly nothing heavy, super cute and easy watch! both very likable. they have really cute chemistry, and watching them get their lick back! oh yeah, i'm into it.

theater camp: ayo edebiri, the people's princess. i think comedy (especially in movies) is rarely actually funny, but this is actually hilarious to me. molly gordon is kind of hilarious in this.

elemental & inside out 2: two animated "family movies" both made me cry and/or feel things i hadn't thought about in a while. i think people ignore the way that kids' movies address things and make you feel things you try to push away and ignore, but it does it in such a raw and honest way, that it touches something tender inside you.

hope you enjoyed!!

have you read any books, loved any new songs since you been away !!

omg so i have consumed so much media, it’s actually probably scary and insane, but i just have this desire to read/watch/see everything i might ever love.

i have so many book recs, tv show recs, and song recs to give you !! lemme compile a list, but i definitely think there’s some music you’ll really like !!

what about you? what have you been watching/listening to/reading?

[drpanda99]

5-4-3-2-1 Fic retrospective + 2023 Things

I was tagged by @dragongirlg-fics - please go and check out her writing and translations! =D

Post the following: -top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular) -your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year -your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year -your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year -and your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

Answers under the cut.

Top 5 works you’re most proud of that you released in 2022:

Collateral Circulation; and other protective factors: This was my WIPbang fic that I spent almost the entirety of 2022 working on. This is my longest piece of writing ever and something I'm extremely proud I wrote! One of my friends was worried because of how ambitious my plans for this fic was at first, but I managed to do exactly what I set out to do! I imagined it kind of as one of those medical shows where you follow different characters and cut back and forth between their lives. I imagined the hospital as a living, working thing filled with all these characters with their individual lives and problems; we get to follow wangxian closely, but everyone else has their own backgrounds etc going on. Maybe one day I'll write a commentary on what everyone's backgrounds and stories are!

[Podfic] I Don't Want to Debut! by Countingcr0ws: This was my first big podfic and I spent many, many hours working on it. I upgraded my setup once in the middle and had to re-record the first two chapters to match the audio! This was also my first time incorporating music throughout a podfic. I also transcribed Chuang 2021's theme song into Ableton so I could have the midi track! That was something I was very worried about, but it turned out well in the end.

Five Shades of Home: This was my piece for the Chinese Diaspora event. I had actually forgotten what I had written, but I recently went back to reread it and I was surprised by how well I was able to intertwine the themes of family, grief, and different kinds of love into the fic! I wrote it around this time last year, so i had forgotten so much about it. But yay for cooking with your family and difficult conversations about grief!

root your love a little deeper: I wrote this as a pinch-hit with like 3 days?? for a remix event. It was my first time writing sci-fi and I had to come up with a bunch of worldbuilding as I went, but I ended up really happy about the overall fic and how I kept the themes of the original while putting my own spin on things. It was one I've read back a few times and still enjoy a lot!

your heart of shadows, your eyes like stars: This was the first fic I ever posted as a WIP (because I have a terrible fear of not finishing a fic I started) and it helped me get over a lot of anxiety around expectations/my working speed/etc. I was super surprised at how many people like it! It started out as a horny short scene, but then i had to fill in the backstory to get to where I wanted to go. It developed a much bigger plot than I anticipated, but I'm proud I pulled it off in the end! I'm also glad I got to explore some of the interesting parts of omegaji and the juiciness of LWJ's character against societal expectations of gender roles, love, and duty. I haven't read back over it yet, but it was a really fun experience (and I didn't have to edit the entire fic all at once, which was nice).

Your top 4 current WIPs that you’re excited to release in the new year:

Secret bottomji big bang fic: Ooooh I'm so excited about this! I'm about 20k into it with an expected word count of around 60k. This could likely balloon because the plot got more complex, but that's ok! It's still a secret, but let's just say it incorporates some of my fave AU elements and I'm going way too hard on the structure of the fic lol.

Modern cultivation/poetry AU: This was my Nano project in November for a lack of other things to work on, but I'm hoping to release it this year! This started out as a modern with cultivation AU that would be released simultaneously with a "book" of poetry that LWJ either writes or studies from. I love the idea of making the reference material for within a fic and it isn't something I've seen that often! I don't know if I'm explaining it well, but it's me working on a fic + a poetry collection as LWJ at the same time. The cultivation part has taken over it, so I'm not quite sure how I'm gonna write myself out of this hole but oh well, I'm the author!

Wangxian incense burner CNC fic: set in a dream of the Cloud Recesses era where LWJ does WWX exactly as hard as he deserves lol. Inspired by maotuan's uncensored panels and WWX's talk about "why didn't you take me back then, you should have held me down and forced me, etc."

A non wangxian secret exchange fic: My first time (in this fandom) writing a non-wangxian main pairing! Details are still a secret, but I look forward to stretching my fingers into exploring other characters and dynamics.

Your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year:

Biggest is writing at all! I had not written prose for fun in over a decade when I rejoined fandom in late 2020, and I had barely started writing again. Fandom, writing, and podfic helped pull me out of a few months of really bad depression early in the year and it's given me comfort that I can make it through even the hardest of times. I've managed to keep writing despite other things in life going wrong and I'm super proud I've kept this up because writing was one of the first things I ever loved!

My dialogue writing has gotten way better! I struggled with it so much in late 2020 and everything felt awkward and stilted. I still struggle with it at times, but I've been able to make it sound more natural than when I started!

Using an outline: I thought I was a pantser, but I never managed to finish any longer prose works I started in the past. I started actually outlining my ideas and writing in plot details, which seemed to be the secret for solving my never-finishes-any-writing self.

Your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year:

Figure out how to make transitions less awkward/use fewer time skips. If I'm using timeskips, make them feel suitable for the tempo of the work.

Manage time a little better - plan out which events/fics I'm gonna release rather than jumping on anything that looks good! And also finishing drafts in time so I don't make my betas work so hard (deep gratitude for everyone who has beta'd my stuff lol).

Your number 1 favorite line you’ve written this year!

Ok a little cheating, but I'm putting in the entire paragraph with my fave line (aka two lines lol) highlighted. This is from chapter 14 of Collateral Circulation and is from Yu Ziyuan's letter to Wei Ying. I love Yu Ziyuan as a character; I find her so emotionally complex and compelling. She may not be someone I like, but I think she serves to highlight how multifaceted one person can be.

Yanli loves you dearly. Jiang Cheng does too. Both of my children, whom I fought for tooth and nail, love you as if you were the centre of our family. Unlike Jiang Cheng, Yanli is soft and loving, more than I could ever be. She’s been the perfect mother despite her youth. I see so little of myself in her that I wonder if she��s really mine, and then I see her stubborn love and I know that she is exactly like her mother. If I could excise the love from my heart, I would. She nurtures it instead.

And that's a wrap. Thanks for reading if you've read it this far! =D

[chaoslynx]

What future fics/events can we expect to see? Every time I check the AshEiji tags on AO3, you're works always pop up on the first page. It's like you have endless content for Banana Fish lol

my Banana Fish fan content plans!

Oh my gosh, so first of all, I am SO sorry for always spamming ao3. I truly do feel bad for posting so much since it's a lot harder to like ... block authors on ao3 than on social media?

BUT to answer your question!! Here's a few of the potential things I have planned for this fandom 🥰 Can't promise they'll all happen, but this is everything on my list.

multi chapter fic plans

model and photographer au -- Ash is a model at an agency Dino owns, and Eiji is a contract photographer. Split asheiji POV! Shorter is Ash's makeup artist and Sing is his assistant. Yut-Lung is another model at the agency and is pissed at Ash for always sabotaging him and never giving anyone else a chance to climb the ranks. Jessica is a fashion reporter (supposedly at least)! I'm about 12 chapters into this one, so I'll probably start posting it this week!

coffee shop au -- don't get your hopes up; this one is angsty too. Eiji is a barista at a 24/7 coffee shop! Ash winds up there at 3am one day after running away from Dino. I'm about 11 chapters into this one I think? but it's on hold right now :(

angel of death au -- very much a wip; everything here may change. Only about two chapters into this one! Shorasheiji end game! [murder cw for the rest of this summary.] Basically established asheiji; Eiji dies in the first chapter, and angel of death Shorter comes to escort him to the afterlife. Ash, however starts uhhh killing everyone who had to do with Eiji's death to get revenge, AND when Shorter shows up to try to escort Ash's victims to the afterlife, Ash keeps trying to bargain with Shorter to get Eiji back. Anyway they all fall in love by the end 🥰

romeo and juliet au -- haven't actually started this one yet, but 👀 right???

non-silly vampire au -- because you all requested it lol

oneshot fic plans

these are all a lot more vague, and none of them have been started yet!

more romantic shroash in addition to my usual platonic shorash -- specifically thinking some precanon established shorash hurt/comfort

stuff with everyone trying to talk to Ash after Shorter dies. Exploration of grief. Discussion of Shorter and Griff from Ash POV

Kong/Bones fic! Maybe something about when Bones joins Ash's gang. Probably going to have Bones be a trans man and clinging onto Kong as like the "how to be a guy" friend lol

disordered eating fic (again. want to do it better this time)

thinking about MAYBE doing a fic exploring sh/suicidal ideation with the bfish characters. I know I did this with Water but I want to do it in canonverse!

wanna get back to my roots with Ash trying to come onto people for the wrong reasons again

drawing plans

I want to go back to my doodles for each episode!

asheiji "no pickles" meme (guess who's who lol)

more emojis for Discord pals!

finish that darn animatic (or give up and post the first half of the song)

something of the gang!

lots of background practice; maybe a whole "series" of pre-canon asheiji in various locations around their hometowns

Jess and Michael ...

I want to draw my own Banana Fisht tattoo so I can get one!

animation of asheiji kissing hehe

events???

Tell me about events and I will join them if I'm interested and have time!! All I have planned right now is like one Instagram dtiys I think? I'd also like to maybe do some more art and fic collabs with people in the future!

Ask Me Anything!