#i haven't exercised since early december and i look like shit
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god it literally doesn't get any easier
#we're at 1 year now. im. so tired of feeling miserable.#stopped antidepressants bc they just made me feel worse. haven't got therapy.#what's the point anymore. at this point it's obvious that it's not going to get better.#i sleep at 5am every morning and wake up at 1pm. there's a wound on my arm that hasn't healed since december. i don't feel real anymore.#i haven't been out and talked to anyone since early january. i just sit inside and play video games#i haven't exercised since early december and i look like shit#i feel like my ability to enjoy life has atrophied. it snowed in december and i felt nothing. i got a first and felt nothing.#im talking to old friends again and feeling nothing#the only consistent thing is that after the end of another day of feeling very little i crawl into bed and am miserable for hours#until i can fall asleep to the dawn chorus#ive graduated uni. i should feel like i have something to show for any of this. im lying in bed mourning myself while im still breathing.#this is all there is and it's worthless
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