#i haven't drawn anything that i'd be proud of

[thechibilitwick]

happy birthday shidou cheers to a unchanging tomorrow blah blah blah i hope you fall face flat into your cake

[martyryo]

shark!!

[deoidesign]

Happy webcomics day!!!

I'm not home (on a trip right now with family), but I still want to talk a little bit about my process, so I did what I could to find some wip shots 🧡

Plus, I'd also like to update my extremely patient readers with a little taste of what's to come!!!

Step one, of course, is writing.

When I'm writing I have four documents open. A "dump" document, a "yes this!" Document, an outline document, and a drawing canvas!

In the dump document, I put ANYTHING. complete stream of consciousness. The 'yes this' document is where I put anything useful from the dump document, and the outline is, of course, the outline. The drawing canvas is for me to sketch out problems and ideas and get sort of a different angle on things, since I can't really visualize.

Once I have a book completely written, I start thumbnailing!

My thumbnails pretty much look like this. Text, sketchy poses, indications of expression and maybe environment...

I thumbnail the entire book at once. I don't let myself do any edits on it until it's done, but I take note of edits I'd like to make! Then, once the first draft is out, I edit.

I'll move entire scenes, delete whole episodes, bring in bits from the end to have proper foreshadowing... Etc! It's a long process that makes my arcs feel much more complete and something I can be really proud of.

I can only do this when I'm really ahead, though, so that's why I've been on a long hiatus!!! I was forced to work without my process for a few arcs, and the difference is so huge to me that I refuse to let myself do it again. It makes a loner hiatus, but work way more worth waiting for!

Next step is lineart!

Yes, I skip sketches! I go right into lines.

I save every head I've ever drawn, and that lets me copy paste in a basic head angle. Then I redo the face, fix up the hair, etc. so it fits my panel, and then I draw the rest of the body!

This seriously saves me so much time, but less so for the drawing (i still draw a ton of heads and I'm very fast) and more just for helping me skip sketching entirely!

Then I do character flats, which since all my lines are closed that goes pretty quickly (slowest part is Steve's hair, I refuse to use a brush cause every one I've made looks terrible!!!)

And then I draw the backgrounds!

Which, I keep layered, clean, and HUGE so I can use them throughout the arc.

I used to feel bad doing this, but then I realized... It's not like backgrounds "change" irl. So why make them change in my comics...? It saves me so much time, but it ALSO lets me put in more detail per background! I draw probably 3 very large backgrounds per episode like this, and then I draw maybe 5-10 unique backgrounds for single panels per episode as well. I save these too, but they're rarely re-used.

And then my panels are done!!!

So there's a bit of my process for you all!!!

Happy webcomics day 🧡🧡🧡

And here's my comic, if you haven't read it and want to see the end result of this process, or if you have read it and would enjoy a re-read with the extra knowledge:

Or, if you would prefer books I have those too!

Happy to elaborate on any step, as well!

I make comics extremely quickly and as my full time job, and my process allows me to easily manipulate my format as well. I'm happy to share any of my knowledge if you have questions!!!

[scoobywrites690]

┈─★Johnny “Soap” McTavish nsfw alphabet

I didn't do all the letters as I couldn't think of something for all 26 letters (I also haven't proofread, I apologise)

A = Aftercare

He loves a bit of aftercare, either having a nice bubble bath together and using all your nice smelling products or, a quick clean with a warm cloth and then snuggling together under the blankets with a good comfort movie.

B = Body Part (his favourite body part of his partners)

Boobs, all the way your boobs. He's obsessed with them, not sure what it is about them but he's like a deer in headlights when he sees them. They're like his personal stress toys, he's drawn to them when he's stressed just wanting to squeeze on them, lay on them, press his face into them. He just loves them.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum)

I feel like he's very half and half when it comes to cumming. One side of him loves finishing inside of you, seeing his cum slowly seep out of you causes him to get hard all over again. Or there's the other half of him that loves cumming on your tits, seeing your perky nipples covered in his hot sticky cum probably gets him going more than finishing inside.

D = Dirty Secret

He likes when you call him a good boy. The team teases him about his submissive nature and he tries to act all hard and tough, telling them that they're wrong. But, the minute that man is in the privacy of his home he's putty in your hands.

E = Experience (how expired is he? does he know what he's doing)

I'd say Soap has done it a handful of times, he's not a total virgin when it comes to sex but he's also not an absolute pro at it. Mainly because everyone he's had sex with in the past have been one night stands as he can get a bit carried away. The horniness of this man can be too much sometimes so not a lot of ladies would call him back after one night with him.

F = Favourite Position

Most definitely cowgirl, again because of the perfect view it gives him. Your perky tits bouncing up and down right in front of his eyes, being able to grab onto them and to squeeze and pinch at your nipples. I'd say he also quite likes gripping your waist and helping you move on top of him, watching his dick disappear inside of you as you try to bully his fat cock all the way inside of you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment?)

Soap is known to be unserious so there's no way he's going to be serious during sex. It's just not in his nature to be serious. He's gonna be cracking jokes whilst he's thrusting up into you.

H = Hair

Soap's very proud of his hair, always well styled so I'm sure down there will be the same as well. Either clean shaven or just a well groomed section and that's it.

I = Intimacy (how are they when doing it?)

He's a grabby man, his hands are all over you. grabbing you squeezing you, just touching you absolutely everywhere that he can. I'd say his love language is very much physical touch.

J = Jerk off

He'll most definitely jerk off to the thought of you or a picture of you, and this man is not quiet about it. He doesn't care who hears him, in his mind it just shows people how sexy his missus is, being able to turn him on by just the thought of you.

K = Kink (one or more of his kinks)

he thrives off of praise, he's got the biggest praise kink. he loves being called a good boy, it's music to his ears every time he hears it.

This man also has a breeding kink without a doubt, he loves to see his cum dripping out of you.

L = Location (favourite place to do it)

The shower is a top 5 for him I think, hopping in with you as a surprise, making the bathroom steam up so you can hardly see anything is his favourite thing to do.

The sofa and the kitchen counter as well I think, like I've said Soap is a horn dog he's could constantly have sex with you if he could. So, I believe the sofa and kitchen counter are a common place for him.

M = Motivation (what turns him on)

You fresh out the shower, towel wrapped around you, water dripping down your body and your hair wrapped up in the towel has blood rushing straight to his dick. An instant turn on for him.

N = No (something he wouldn't do)

Bondage. I don't think Soap is keen on being tied up or tying you up. He likes to be able to touch you and he likes you touching him.

O = Oral (giving or receiving)

He loves oral, giving or receiving. he's down for all of it. He loves eating you out, sucking your clit into his mouth whilst you squirm around underneath him. But he also loves your mouth wrapped around his cock, your tongue teasing his tip as pre cum leaks out.

P = Pace (how fast or slow)

The only time this man is ever slow is if he's had a really long day and is tired, other than that his pace is always the same. fast and deep.

Q = Quickie (their opinions towards it)

Soap loves a quickie, he's down for one anywhere. the amount of times this man had probably had you bent over the back seat before going into somewhere together.

R = Risk (are they willing to experiment?)

This man has a breeding kink and I'm sure if you both were ready for a baby he'd be filling you up at every opportunity. But I'm sure he'd be quite happy to try new things in bed if it was something you spoke about beforehand.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go?)

Again this man is a machine, he could go for as long as you let him. All night if you were willing, but the minute you get too tired he'll stop to clean you up so you can rest.

T = Toys (do they own toys?)

Soap most definitely owned a flesh light before meeting you as he could never get a woman to stick around for long. But now that you're here he doesn't remember the last time he's had to use one. He will use a vibrator on you though, he does love holding it against your clit and watching you squirm.

U = Unfair (is he a tease?)

I'd say Soap does like overstimulating you, not on purpose he just disappears into his own world when he's between your legs. He goes into his own little world of bliss, completely oblivious to you almost in tears with how sensitive you are.

V = Volume (how loud is he)

This man is loud, he whimpers, he moans, he groans, and he grunts he does it all.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive)

His sex drive is through the roof, wakes up horny, goes to bed horny, he's even horny at random points in the day.

Z = Zzz (how quickly does he pass out afterwards)

If you end up going multiple rounds then he's pretty quick to fall asleep afterwards. If you've only done the one round he's still got a decent amount of energy left afterwards.

[yuurivoice]

I always forget that in the bittersweet summary around the beginning of chapter 3(i think, I haven't watched it in a hot minute) you mention that bittersweet is based off of your irl trauma/experiences(again, haven't watched it in a bit, sorry if I got anything wrong!(

Yeah! Not in its entirety or intensity, obviously but certainly in some regards I tapped into various experiences and feelings.

Specifically...

Seth & Jessie's relationship. Conflicted sexual romantic feelings with friends in settings where people might be homophobic. Being around crime in a criminal/gang setting. Alphonse and the loss of his parents. etc. and so forth.

I think the reason I am so drawn to adding the fantastical elements to the story is because it was my own fantasies and daydreams that helped me cope through a lot of those times. That and I just love urban fantasy.

So yeah, there's a lot going on that I draw from. I am not proud that in my youth I was in some sketchy places with sketchy people. I come from a family of bikers, and if you've been around motorcycle clubs and that sort of thing, you know that it's not uncommon for drugs, guns, real scummy types of people to be a part of that. If you've ever been to a club house, you get the vibes.

None of it was ever that dramatic or serious, but I was in close enough proximity to feel anxious and sick that I was there. That type of shit.

The parental aspects throughout BitterSweet are absolutely based in personal situations and relationships I've had with my own parents. My father and I were estranged when I was 15, he passed away when I was 16 just a couple weeks after I got something vaguely shaped like an apology. But before that, he was my hero. I looked up to him the way Seth looked up to Jessie, despite the flaws. So I've had something to say about relationships like that. Probably always will. Alphonse is sorta the flipside of that. The unfinished, imperfect feeling left when a relationship is suddenly cut short. That's something we'll get into in Chapter 4.

There are positive inspirations too. BitterSweet is the direct result of my experiences with soul mates, platonic, romantic, and everything in between. I wanted to talk about how transformative love could be, because I had (and continue to) experience it myself. Forgiveness and grace are things I've learned to extend to people who I wouldn't have expected to before that, and that shows up in the series as well.

So yes, BitterSweet is deeply personal to me and is so much more than just the relationship between the trio. They're wonderful and I love them and I love them as a package deal, but it's much bigger than that. The themes are much broader, and much deeper than "will they all end up together!?" which is why the Polyamory Discourse (TM) that cropped up around the end of Chapter 3 was deeply fucking offensive to me. The word "queerbaiting" was tossed around, which might be the most preposterous bullshit I'd ever had hurled my way in my years of being on the internet. It's okay, college freshmen whose first fandom was Voltron can be loud and obnoxious on the internet. LOL

Anywho. Shoutout to y'all who picked up what I was putting down. For everyone else, eat my cheeks.

[laertesthelocalstranger]

Laertes waits outside the door to the room, shifting his weight from foot to foot, twisting at their hands and wishing they hadn't burned the loose threads off. They look like a petitioner gathering strength before approaching their sovereign, a little kid afraid to knock on his parent's door. And isn't that what they are?

Fae sighs, pushing through the door and into the room. They're not small anymore. This is their cabin. Their kids are sleeping in their rooms. And her dad isn't waiting on the other side anymore.

Sleep does help him. And the couch isn't very comfortable. They'd tried it, a few times. There's no sense leaving a room completely unoccupied, now that a new arrival has made need for another one. Even Marc's.

The room is dark, but not quite dusty. Laertes visits it too often for that. It's the one place in the house left untouched, the Stranger's influence seeping through the walls, but very little changed or added. Marc didn't have many possessions. Just a few pictures on the wall, some of his kids, a girl who looks uncannily like he used to, a woman fae presumes was his mother.

Laertes had only been in here once before Marc died, when he was looking for the gun. He hadn't noticed that one of the framed pictures was something they'd drawn for him. They'd cried all over again, when they first saw that.

A bench has been pulled up to the wall opposite his old bed, a little shrine put up. Nothing much, he wouldn't have liked anything fancy or complicated. Just a drawing fae'd done, using their own easel and oils, and a few unlit incense sticks. She could swear there's a track worn into the floorboards in front of it, from all the pacing fae's done.

He's burned the picture a few times, in a fit of anger. Had to remake it. Laertes isn't proud of that.

"There's a new one. His name's Luka. I think you would've liked him."

They're talking to empty air. Laertes unstrings their necklace, places it on the bench by their father's face. It makes faer chest feel lighter. It makes him unspeakably lonely.

"...He had a rifle. I wouldn't let him bring it into the house. We've had more than enough of those, haven't we?" They set themself down on the worn ground in front of it, crossing their legs and settling in.

"He didn't want to. He cried when I started burning it by mistake. Did I look that...small, to you?" Fae knows fae did. Because they were. Neither of them ever should have had those weapons. Laertes pinches their fingers and lights the incense.

"You didn't do a very good job, y'know. I'm trying to do better. Cassie started hanging out with Jack. She's working as a post boy in his office. I heard him talk about quitting soon, but I'm glad they're getting along. I used to worry I'd have to stop her from killing him." He chuckles. "God, you would've loved her."

Marc would've snapped her up as a daughter in a second, if he was still himself, the version they like to imagine is listening, somewhere. He always loved fighters.

Laertes forgets, sometimes, that they did know each other. What he did. It's not something he likes to remember. They grip their arms tighter, lapsing into silence.

"Why did you have to do it? Why couldn't you have been good to one of us?"

The favorite son of a monster, of a truly broken man. Their eyes reflect jagged light on dark wood. It's only right he'd break Laertes the same way he'd been broken.

Fae pushes himself to his feet, throwing open the curtains, letting the moonlight stream in for the first time in months. They don't think they'll change this room. Marc's scent hasn't quite faded from it. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

"You know, I can't decide whether to be sad or angry. I want to be angry. Hell, I am angry. But the love doesn't go away. I thought it would, when I accepted what you were. But it didn't."

That only makes faer angrier. His hands start to heat up. They play with old pieces of copper and metal.

"Why do I still love you? After everything?"

There's no answer. The silence fills up the empty room, like oxygen feeding the flames. She begins to pace again, a trapped animal. It always feels like he's trapped here. Trapped beneath all of their grief, all of their rage, all the closure they never received.

"Fucking- answer! You did it before, why can't you just- is it that hard to face me? Everything you fucked up? Is that all I am anymore?"

Laertes stops themself just short of throwing the half-formed hunk of metal at the drawing. That's something Marc would have done, and the kids are sleeping.

"...I hope wherever you are, you regret what you didn't do. I hope you wish you'd changed." He sits back down, righting the picture. It really does look like Marc. They've gotten better.

"Being your daughter was the worst mistake I ever made. I wish it wasn't still my favorite."

She dons her pendant. Enough talking with the dead. He should save his words for those who can still hear him. And yet...

"The owners of the camp are dead. By the way. I led the attack. I was going to tell you that Luka reminds me of you, but... I remind me of you."

One day, he'll make that a thing to be proud of. One day.

"...Until next time, Dad."

He puts out the incense before the fire can spread, and curls up under a dead man's covers.

[cakeywakeyfakey]

Cakey...Hello it is Jev I have deleted my account upwards of a million times. Apologies. I desperately await your return........glacing at the clock ticking torwards midnight......

Dear Jev,

First and foremost.. I'm sorry for my absence. I didn't expect to be on such a long hiatus either, it really wasn't in my plan. But days have been weird, and an emotional rollercoaster if you will! I am better than last year though.. anywho. I've recently gotten over my exams, so now I have two months of holiday! I really do heavily miss posting and admittedly guilt has been gnawing on me. I'll post daily from now on, at least I will really try. And God do I honestly miss this and you! You are such a nice person!

Second of all, why have you deleted your account? :-( From what I've remembered, it was in a 2000s style correct? It was really pretty!! Of course not trying to guilt trip or anything.. just curious! I'd like to know how you are! :-)

Lastly, I haven't drawn Wally in *suchhhhhh* a long time! Julie, yes. Wally? My guy do I miss him too! Sorry if he looks odd, as I said I haven't drawn him in a while! But after drawing him for this, I realized how much fun he was to draw back then.. and Barnaby... ah!! It was fun!!

I actually have multiple drawings of Welcome Home dated back wayy back on this January, so these past few days I'll mostly just be posting my old art!! The art compared to now will look vastly different yes.. but I was proud of them! And I think thats nice. ♡

Yeah, I think thats all I wanna say.. I would say more if it wasn't the middle of the night here.. sorry.. Jev, I really am sorry. I shouldn't have been gone that long, I really want to post. I mean it. I care deeply about you.

-Love, Cakey

Agh!!!!! I am so tired I wish I sounded more like my previous posts but this is nice enough! I hope.. anyways I love you so much so I'd rather do this than anything else right now!! (Your words are still so beautiful hehe)

Wally and his obnoxiously big scarf, boy you look ridiculous.

I think you'll like this playlist Jev! Based on your old account before! I don't know if you still do but I wanna provide at least something because drawing doesn't seem enoughh (I'm listening to it right now its soo goodd)

[luke-hughes43]

Hi sort of really angst idea for your throuple universe with Ry, Will, Gabby.

A social media post by a fan of Will x Mack looks way too “friendly” and really pushes the tease of boyfriend/soulmates………

Idk why I’m like this 😃

omg nonnie, i love you. i'm making this more of ryan being jealous than gabby bc she saw their relationship during her impromptu 24 hours in SJ but ryan hasn't yet.

this is the night of mack's ot winner and will being one of the first over the boards and into the hug with a smile.

and i'm totally setting this up for at least a part 2!

~

ryan's pov

after arguably the worst day of the semester, i finally get to crawl in bed. as late as it is, i open my phone and star watching will's game. as much as it sucks him always having the 10pm starts, i am grateful for it bc i'm not getting home until then so i don't miss a lot of games. i've been hearing a lot of talk about will being mack all the time and seeing all the pictures and i'd be lying if i said i wasn't jealous.

i love will and i trust him but i don't trust mack. i don't know mack. and i don't wanna know mack. he stole will from me.

for whatever reason it just gives me a weird feeling when i see all of the pictures of them together and them saying how they're together all of the time. i try to push the jealous feeling away while i watch will's game.

i'm so fucking proud of him. signing his elc, making the team out of camp, and scoring his first 2 goals in the same night. that's my boyfriend right there. my eyes are immediately drawn to him one the ice, making his cute faces when he's trying to concentrate. i miss that. so fucking much.

the game goes into overtime which sucks because it's already passed 1 in the morning but i power through. anything to watch will play. mack ends up scoring the ot winner, which is great for him and the team. but the commentator makes a comment that just makes me upset. he says, "and no one's happier than his bud, will smith." and it cuts to will being the first one over the boards to celebrate with mack after the goal. with a smile so big on his face. the one he used to give me after i would score that he's now giving to mack.

i keep my cool and send will a text, great game tonight babe. you played good and congrats on the win. i'm heading to bed because it's late but i love you and i'll text you in the morning❤️

i set my alarms for morning skate and go to bed. trying not to think about will growing close to mack.

~

still ryan's pov

the last few days, i've been quieter than normal. obviously hanging out with gabby every chance i get but i haven't been texting or calling with will as much.

it feels like every time i talk to him, he's always with mack and sometimes i just wanna call my boyfriend. not my boyfriend and his clingy new friend.

so i've slowly stopped texting him unless i know he's alone. bc i don't wanna talk to will and mack, just will. just my boy. gabby keeps saying something is off with me and i don't wanna talk about it. even will has asked but i just lie and say that everything's fine and i'm tryna get through this first half and then world juniors.

plus, i hurt my knee against maine and i've been tryna focus on healing it while playing through it. will obviously called me after that game to see if i was ok, which i am. it just hurts a little bit.

he's been checking in more often since then and my responses have been slower since that detroit game where mack scored in ot and they were talking about how happy will was.

one night while i'm studying, will facetimes me. he's alone thank god. i felt like every time he called, he was with mack. i know he wants me and gabby to like him as his partners but i just can't right now. he gets my boyfriend all of the time and i only get will over the phone and half the time mack is there so yea i'm jealous. he says, "what's up baby? how is everything?"

"it's good. finals coming up. taking them early because of world juniors. how are you?"

"i'm good. just got put on ir, upper body injury. hopefully i can play soon. but we'll see." will says smiling at me. i prob my phone up on my desk so he can see me. my face drops to a frown, "i thought you said it wasn't serious?"

"it's not ry. it's for roster management more than anything i think. i'm ok baby, really. now what final are you studying for?"

"econ. i have it on thursday. i'm not really getting anywhere. i've been looking at the same chapter for an hour and i'm just stuck." i explain to him. i close my notes and grab my phone to look closer at him.

his hair is starting to grow back in after he got it cut. me and gabby were not happy about that when he first did it and made sure he knew that. he smiles when he sees me paying attention to him. he asks, "is gabby taking it too?"

"no. she's doing it in the spring. which is what i should've done so i had help. because fowls is not helpful." i say rolling my eyes.

there's a comfortable silence that will breaks by asking, "is everything ok with you ry? you've been distant for a few weeks."

"i'm ok will. promise."

"ok." he says. i explain a little more, "i've just been trying to catch up on sleep. your 10 pm starts are killing me. especially going into overtime so much."

"i'm sure it's hard. i won't be mad if you skip a game so your sleeping right babe. you gotta take care of yourself." he says softly making me smile. i nod, "i know but i wanna watch. it's the closest thing i can get to being with you sometimes."

"i know ry. i know this is hard. we'll figure it out together. i promise." he keeps smiling at me which is making me smile. he face lights up as he says, "wait, did you see mack's ot winner against detroit? it was such a sick goal!"

"yea i saw it." i say shortly. i don't wanna talk about mack.

he keeps going, "it's honestly one of the best goals he's had all season. the way he picked the 7 hole spot was awesome. i'm glad he's on my team now instead of playing against him. you know, you'd like him. he's a lot like me and gabby in a way."

"can we not?" i ask quietly. he counters, "what do you mean?"

"can we not talk about mack please?"

"why?" he asks. i pause trying to think of the right to say it without accusing him of anything. he continues before i say anything, "ry he's the closest friend i've made here. i wanna share that with you because you've been my closest friend since we were 10. and i wanna share my friends with you."

"well i don't wanna share you with him." i say sharply. he freezes, "what?"

"i don't wanna share my boyfriend with some bu kid who looks a little too friendly for my liking! the only person i wanna share you with is gabby, not macklin celebrini!" i all but yell at him through the phone.

"ryan, he's my teammate. did you not think i was gonna become friends with him?"

"i knew that. you always try to be friends with your teammates which is something i love about you but anybody but him. he's too friendly towards you for my liking and i just want my boyfriend back." i say and get quiet at the end. will doesn't know what say, he starts, "ryan, it's not like that-"

i cut him off, "tell that to mack. i'm gonna go, i really need to study. good night will, love you." i hang up without giving him a chance to say i love you back.

he texts me that he loves me but i ignore it. i don't wanna fight with him, especially not about macklin so i don't say anything for the night. he doesn't seem to get that i feel like i'm losing him to mack.

[lizardonatoadstool]

Oakie the Acorn is the Best Mascot Ever

I don’t even go to this school I just love them. Here’s an interview they did for SUNY Mascot Madness.

Oakie - SUNY ESF

Who are you, where are you originally from, and where do you do your mascot thing? I'm Oakie Acorn (they/them), proud representative of ESF and its Mighty Oaks athletic teams! I was “born” when I fell out of ESF's Robin Hood Oak which means my roots go back to the Major Oak in England's Sherwood Forest. Maybe that's why I'm so merry! While most of my mascot duties have me in Syracuse, I also pop in at our Ranger School in Wanakena and our satellite campuses in the Adirondacks and Thousand Islands.

What's a unique new thing (building, club, activity, employee, etc.) on your campus that you treasure? The newly renovated Marshall Hall is wonderful! Open since 1933, Marshall underwent a major two-year reno re-opening in 2023. We kept the classic features, such as the spiral staircase and auditorium, while updating the building to a state-of-the-art learning center with spaces tailored to the needs of today's students. The building is home to our Landscape Architecture, Environmental Studies, and mathematics programs. Along with great classroom and studio space, there are plenty of study nooks for students to tuck in and do work between classes or meet with friends.

If you could start your own club or major on campus, what would it be? Wow! Difficult question because ESF has so many unique clubs, activities, and majors already! That said, I'd love to start an a capella group – Oak-apella! I don't speak, but I have a song in my heart and would love to hear ESF students sing. Maybe I could do some interpretive dance while they sing.

What's your hidden talent that you haven't told anyone about yet? Anyone on campus at night might have seen me skateboarding. The other day I landed a kickflip over the gap and was pretty stoked. Sadly, no one was around to see it. Flicks or it didn't happen, right? We do have some talented campus artists who have drawn me and my board though.

What campus cheer gets you pumped up and why? (with great enthusiasm)  O-A-K-I-E!  They're our acorn can't you see?  Sprouting strong through day and night  We've got bark and we've got bite!    ESF Orientation Leaders chant this while they lead our newest acorns to convocation. I love hearing it echo off the campus buildings!

What sport would you play if you were a student-athlete? I would join the Bass Fishing team in a heartbeat! I know when you think “acorn,” you think “land-based,” but I'd love to get out on the water and drop a line or two. There's so much more to me than most people know.    I would look awesome in one of the Bass Fishing team jerseys – provided they could get me an XXXXXL.

Read any good books lately? The Climate Optimists Handbook by environmental activist Anne Therese Gennari is a great read. Her book is about empowering people to get excited about changing the narrative on climate change so we act from courage and excitement to co-create a better world. She totally gets the ESF vibe! She was our commencement speaker last May and inspired our graduates and their guests to Improve Our World!    And of course, Braiding Sweetgrass by our own Dr. Robin Wall Kimmerer is always close at hand to read again and again!

Favorite pizza topping? Mushrooms. I love to top my pie with things I've foraged in the woods. Remember, you have to be very careful with mushrooms. I always take along a friend who has taken Dr. Alex Weir's mycology course to ensure I don't eat anything that could make me sick or worse!

If you were SUNY Chancellor for a day, what would you do? I would declare every day Earth Day in SUNY and plant pollinator gardens on every campus. I would also help other campuses set and reach their own Zero-Waste goals. Sustainability is a key component to helping the environment. I would then ask to be Chancellor for a couple more days to visit as many campuses as possible and see all the great things SUNY students are doing.  I don't know how Chancellor King does it all! Does he ever sleep?

How would you celebrate being named SUNY Mascot Madness Champion in 2024? The same way I celebrated in 2017 when I won the title – surrounded by the best students, faculty, and staff ever! We had a party that the whole campus attended. My friend, Victor E. Knight from SUNY Geneseo, was gracious enough to come and present me with the trophy and join the festivities. I think it would be great to host Wolfie on campus this year. 

[gaviicreates]

Blog Post: Filet Crochet - Tall Ship

It's April 2022 and I've just added "Wellerman" to my playlists. Like most trends, I've discovered it late, but that doesn't stop my fervor in finding as many shanty bands as I can get my hands on. I re-watch "Master & Commander" and "Pirates of the Caribbean", I start and finish OFMD in a weekend, I buy the fancy vinyl of The Longest Johns' most recent album, I make up stanzas for Drunken Sailor, and I start reblogging ship after ship after ship - ships at sea, ships approaching pirate islands, ships in the mist and at night and with sails gloriously unfurled.

I tour a tall ship for my birthday, then spend the afternoon at an Irish pub listening to familiar songs that aren't shanties but come from similar traditional roots.

At some point, I admit... yep, I'm drawn to the aesthetic of tall sailing ships. And I celebrate it.

I celebrate anything that brings joy. So this time last year (Sep 18 if you are curious), my daydreams about ships chasing the horizon led me to pick up my crochet hook, start a row of chains and some double crochets, and make one of those vague, ominous posts: a simple: it begins.

And finally, I can say, it ends.

Reel version of the progress pictures available here. (Warning: For Photo movement sensitivity, I use zoom transitions)

This was my first big filet crochet project, and in full transparency, I learned the technique just so I could make this pattern. I first picked a few free patterns that were symmetrical between rows, as one of the challenges I had was reading left-to-right, then right-to-left in sequence based on whether I was on the right side of wrong side as the pattern progressed. My first non-symmetrical pattern was HandmadebyRaine's dolphin table runner. Fairly soon after I decided I was ready. I was probably less ready and more eager... but what's a better way learning a new technique than working on something you know you're going to be really passionate about?

Filet Crochet is a technique in which the pattern creates a mesh with filled in and open blocks, where the filled in spaces (or the inverse) makes an image. The only stitches you need to start learning is the chain and the double crochet, so in some ways it is quite beginner friendly. I'd recommend starting with a symmetrical pattern like I did until you are used to switching the reading direction with the rows.

Another challenge I had along the way: I lost the crochet hook I was using about halfway up. I think I actually was using a 2.00mm originally, but the challenge with these small hooks is that you can't really buy them on an individual basis - at least from what I've seen. This is the reason I have 3-4 .5mm's which I never use, but the 1.75mm and 2.00mm that I use all the time have a habit of walking away.

From there, the main challenge was keeping motivated, especially after that lull in the middle of the project. At the beginning and the end, the stitches were flying off the hook.

Pattern: Sailing Ship Doily by Crafty Sasha Hook size: 1.75mm Crochet Thread: Aunt Lydia's Size 10 GaviiCreates - 2023

So my year long passion project finally comes to end. I haven't yet picked a space in my home for this project to live, so it's not yet on display. It is such a statement piece, I'd like to make it somewhere visitors may see it. I'm proud!

As far as filet crochet - I really liked the technique! It's another way for me to use my thread, another style for doilies or table runners. I definitely think it will be added to my rotation. What do we think for next? A chicken?

[shychick-52]

5 (Boyd), 9, and 13.

Out of all your fanfics that include Boyd, which one is your favorite?

That would be Who Am I? I'm very proud of that one because it was my very first DT story and my first story on AO3. I wrote that in late 2020, and 'Astro B.O.Y.D.' had been living rent-free in my head ever since it was came out that May. So, because the episode was a loving parody of Astro Boy, I wanted to deeper explore Gyro and Boyd's father-son relationship (which I'd hoped the show would do more with than what we actually got) while touching on the darker lore of the Astro Boy manga and anime (grieving scientist loses son and creates a robot in his likewise).

Write a recommendation of someone else's fic you enjoyed.

Anything by @wacky-nameless-inventor-24! Their fenro stories are literally the BEST, and they've made some incredible AUs with the Mad Ducktor!

What's a character or ship you haven't written or drawn yet, but would like to someday?

I've always wanted to write a story where Boyd and Gosalyn share a scene in the finale (where they canonically teamed up) and talk; I've always thought they could bond over some of the stuff they have in common- both are friends with Fenton, both know what it's like to be torn apart from the loving adult in their lives (Gyro and Dr. Waddlemeyer, respectively, who are both scientists) by another scientist who's evil (Akita and Taurus Bulba).

[faeriecinna]

WIP Questionnaire

Thank you for the tag @buffythevampirelover !

Project.Seraph :)

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

The character of Nevaeh was my leap of faith into this one. Previously I had only ever really written horror/thriller and I had always been too afraid to create my own fantasy world, but for some reason I just couldn't leave the idea of my broken little angel alone. The more I imagined her in different scenarios and fleshed out different characters and a plot, I knew I had to write it seriously or I'd never forgive myself.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Honestly I really fuck with Plenty by Aeseaes for this one. The whole vibe is immaculate and it really encapsulates the mood of the story through the lyrics.

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

I truly love them all for different reasons (except maybe Marco, fuck you Marco.) Though Nevaeh is my sweet innocent angel baby could never do anything wrong ever loml, and Queen Reinette is a favourite because I adore a good villain and I am very proud of the way I've written her character.

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

I'm hoping the same kind of people who tore through Cassandra Clare's The Mortal Instruments will find my books to be worth of a good read. Also my fellow 'Merlin made me realise I was queer' pals. Not quite as high fantasy but I think P.Seraph is sometimes quite reminiscent of The Witcher too.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

There are so many scenes that I've already imagined and desperately want to write, so writing everything in between to bridge the scenes together is so painful lmao. What do you mean I have to write about the journey to the castle before I get to write my big dramatic inciting incident???

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

A lot of the first half is based in the woodland so many animals are encountered, though crows and various other corvids are a recurring motif. Also a lot of horses! Most characters travel by horse, including my little band of travelling thieves and the Queen's guards. In the marketplace there is also a very well known cat that belongs to the tavern-owner and likes to steal from people's stalls lmao

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

Mostly by foot, by horse, or by a carriage drawn by a horse.

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

Still the first draft rn but it's coming along smoothly. I have also been writing Project.Ink and fleshing out Project.Claw so I haven't been dedicating quite as much time to P.Seraph as I would like.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

Who doesn't love a good enemies to lovers, right? This story absolutely reeks of betrayal, dark royalty, doomed love, war.... idk it has everything in it that I wanted to read all in one story and I hoped some people could relate

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

Obviously, I hope to be published one day, and if it is, my hope is that it will be one of those books that leaves people reeling after they've read it. I want people to connect to it, to cry over it, to read it so many times it doubles in size. I want people to be as violently in love with my characters as I am and I want people to relate to the story in whichever way they see fit. I want it to mean something to someone. One day. Eventually.

no pressure tags for @melpomene-grey, @goldxdarkness, @darkangel319 :)

Blank under the cut

1. What was the first part of your wip that you created?

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

3. Who are your favourite characters you've made? Why?

4. What other pieces of media do you think would share a fan base for your story?

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your wip?

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

7. How do your characters get around? (ex: trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

8. What part of your wip are you working on rn?

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) of your wip do you think will draw people in?

10. What are your hopes for your wip?

[mysteryshoptls]

SR Vil Schoenheit Lab Coat Personal Story: Part 2

"More accurate than any scale"

(Part 1) Part 2

[Heartslabyul Dorm – Kitchen]

Trey: Sorry to keep you waiting, Vil. Here's your herbal tea.

Vil: Thank you, Trey. …What a nice fragrance.

Trey: I also brought some cake, just in case. I just baked it today.

Vil: I can certainly see that it is something for you to be proud of. However, I'll refrain and simply have the herbal tea.

Vil: …Mm, it's delicious. Where did you get these tea leaves?

Trey: At the Mystery Shop. They seldomly get tea from this long-standing brand in stock, so.

Trey: If you like it, do you want to take some with you? I got a lot of it, and I feel like the flavor will fade before I can finish it all.

Vil: Then, I suppose I shall. Will you wrap it up for me later?

Trey: So… what were you saying earlier? What did Rook do?

Vil: It wasn't really anything. If I must tell you, I guess I'd just say that he just watches me too closely?

Vil: I guess it's more or less convenient that he can sense changes about me faster than I can.

Vil: But don't you think he's absolutely the worst to just ask me point blank if I've gained weight?

Vil: Honesty and lack of tact are two separate things. Perhaps he left his tact in the forest.

Trey: Ah… Yeah, he probably shouldn't have said it that way.

Trey: Rook's the type to say whatever's on his mind, for better or worse, so it's surprised me from time to time, too.

Vil: Hm. It should have been obvious, but I see he's like that during club, too.

Trey: Like, just the other day, he said that the experiment that our advisor set up for the club to do would be "boring as it is now"…

Trey: So, we ended up having to do a real complicated experiment. All the first years were pretty much unable to do anything at all.

Vil: I can definitely picture that happening.

Vil: And I'm sure you were there helping out those first years, weren't you?

Trey: I don't know how much help I was, but yeah, I guess.

Vil: So hard working, all the time…

Vil: Riddle is quite lucky that you're in Heartslabyul.

Trey: Eh?

Vil: It comes up during the Dorm Leader meetings from time to time, that you're an exceptional Vice Dorm Leader.

Trey: Oh, man… That's the first I'm hearing of it. Honestly, it's a little surprising.

Trey: I just don't want to lose my head, is all. I haven't done anything worth that much praise.

Vil: Don't be so modest. Accept the compliments when they're given to you.

Vil: Those who cannot see your true nature may be completely taken in by your humility.

Vil: Well, if that's the kind of impression you want to leave, that's fine, but… Generally, you'll come out worse for wear.

Trey: That's a bit harsh. But I'm sure you know what you're saying, especially since you're always in the public's judging eye.

Trey: I'll try to slightly change how I do things from now on.

Vil: Please do. That'll also make the one who complimented you feel better as well.

Vil: Besides, you won't pile on so much stress if you just let yourself be happy at least when you're receiving praise.

Vil: Especially since you're usually running around taking care of a spoiled little boy, after all.

Trey: Oh, it’s not like I'm stressing out over Riddle.

Vil: Well, okay. Whatever you say.

Trey: No, it's true. That's because I know the secret to not being stressed.

Vil: Oh, a secret? Now I'm curious.

Trey: Do you want to know?

Vil: Well, aren't you acting all high-and-mighty all of a sudden?

Trey: I'll only tell you once, so listen well.

Vil: Alright…

Trey: Don't skimp on the sweets, especially cake with a ton of fruit on it.

Vil: Ugh. You were putting on such airs, and I got so drawn in. …Heh.

Vil: Fine. I'll have one slice of your fruit cake.

Vil: I'll just have to increase how much I run tomorrow morning.

Trey: Maybe this isn't something I need to tell you, since you're a model, but…

Trey: I don't think a single cake slice will change your figure that much. You're already pretty thin, anyway.

Vil: I'd rather you say I'm "toned," not "thin."

Vil: However, Rook's sharp gaze is more accurate than any scale. And perhaps better than a mirror, as well.

Trey: Wow…

Vil: Mm, it's delicious. Trey, did your skills increase yet again?

Vil: If you ever lose your head to Riddle, come see me. I'll make you my dormitory's exclusive pastry chef.

Trey: I'll do my best so that doesn't happen.

Trey: I bet it'll be a lot of calorie counting if I had to make pastries over in Pomefiore.

Vil: And that would also be a good way to improve as well, now, wouldn't it?

(Part 1) Part 2

[anneapocalypse]

🎇20 Questions for Fic Writers🎇

Tagged by @dreadfutures 💙 Thank you!

Tagging @chocochipbiscuit @farfromdaylight @rakshadow @skyeventide

Blank questions for your convenience! My answers are below the cut.

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

3. what fandoms do you write for?

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

5. do you respond to comments?

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. do you get hate on fics?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? T

16. what are your writing strengths?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

19. first fandom you wrote for?

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

Answers!

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

If I count everything, 181. If we're not counting meta pieces, 163.

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

802,674

3. what fandoms do you write for?

I've written for quite a few, but my big ones have been Fallout, Red vs. Blue, and Dragon Age. I've also written for The Penumbra Podcast, RWBY, Mass Effect, Person of Interest, and The 13 Clocks. (And now I'm also writing for Final Fantasy XIV, though I haven't posted anything yet and probably won't until after I'm caught up with MSQ.)

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

Homecoming (Red vs. Blue, Tucker & Junior, rated T)

Juno Steel & the Fox's Teeth (Penumbra Podcast, Juno/Peter, rated E)

Sensibility (Penumbra Podcast, Juno/Peter, rated E)

Respite (Red vs. Blue, North/Wash/York, rated T)

Home Front (Fallout 3, Amata/F!LW, rated T)

I was genuinely surprised and charmed at how well-received "Homecoming" was (and continues to be), as I considered it fairly niche at the time of writing, but then, Tucker is a popular character. The response to my Penumbra fics certainly caught me by surprise, in the manor of, "OH, this is what it's like to write the popular pairing!" "Respite" was one of my very early RvB fics and it's not one I'm particularly happy with now, as I think I would have done certain things differently had I written it later, but nonetheless it was well-received; not a lot of people were actually writing North/Wash/York at the time. "Home Front" is one of my favorite Fallout fics I've written; I'm still proud of it.

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes, I try to! Sometimes I take a bit longer these days, but I do try to reply to every comment, barring the odd rude one which I'll just delete or ignore.

6. what’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It's maybe cheating to say The Fall, given that it's the second in a trilogy so the story isn't actually over at the end of that fic. But that fic is a downer the whole way and ends with the main character's probable death, so. It's pretty angsty. After that, I'd say "Please (Don't Leave Me)", an RvB South/CT fic where CT doesn't live and South is dealing with the aftermath, poorly.

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say I've written quite a few--I'm a big fan of the hard-won happy ending. I'm going to distinguish happy from fluffy here--I could pick any number of my one-shorts for fluffiest ending--and say The Landing, because relative to what comes before, and also canon, it's an incredibly happy and optimistic ending for Maine.

8. do you get hate on fics?

Rarely. The vast majority of my readers are perfectly sweet and kind. For some reason, my Mainelina fic has drawn the most bad commenters out of any. I wouldn't call those comments hate, but I have gotten a few that were pretty rude and/or backhanded. My guess is that I hit a particular unfulfilled niche with a long Maine-POV fic that happened to appeal to a particular kind of RvB fan, a kind who like Maine and like the fic but also felt the need to like, flex on me about it. Most of them have seemed not overly familiar with fandom etiquette and transformative fandom culture in general. Embarrassing for them tbh. I just ignore or delete them.

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Whatever kind I feel like! Less in recent years perhaps, but that's less a lack of interest and more that I get bored easily if I feel like I'm writing something repetitive, and writing non-repetitive smut can be genuinely challenging! We only have so many words, descriptors, euphemisms, and slang terms that actually sound appealing when you're trying to write erotica, so I think writing good smut requires no small amount of creativity and resourcefulness, and I always admire those who do it well.

Bondage is a theme I've explored repeatedly. I would say that I enjoy writing established relationship smut the most because it can be assumed that the characters already know each other's likes and dislikes. But first-times can be fun too. I think I most enjoy writing smut between characters who trust each other and have a high level of emotional intimacy, whatever the specific activities involved might be.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

To be honest I'm just not really a crossover person. I can find the idea of a crossover interesting, but at the end of the day I just don't enjoy transplanting characters out of their home setting as much as I enjoy exploring who they are within that setting and how it's shaped them.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. I had a kink meme fill straight up plagiarized once, very obviously, such that when I took it to the mods it was an open and shut takedown.

I've also had less cut and dry incidents, and those are much harder to know how to deal with. I have had people basically rewrite a scene that I wrote, using pieces of the same dialogue, almost as if they thought we were both interpreting a scene from canon when we were not, it was something that I had made up. And yet it's not really plagiarism strictly speaking, and it wasn't worth the social fallout of calling them out on it, so I never did more than grumble vaguely about what happened. I've also had things where like... I ran across something pretty distinctly inspired by a fic of mine that I know the author had read, without bothering to give me a shoutout. That's not theft, but it is a bummer.

In every such case if the author had just asked me, "Hey, can I borrow your idea here? Can I post a remix of your fic?" I probably would have said yes without hesitation. Hell, even if they had not asked and simply given me a shoutout in their author's notes, I would have been pleased to have inspired them. But they didn't do that, and there's nothing I can do about it but I am going to be cranky about it.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

I did have someone ask about translating a fic of mine once, and I gave permission, but I never heard back after that, so I don't know if they ever did. (This is something I have blanket permission for, by the way, so long as you let me know about it!)

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Sort of? A friend and I did post a polished-up RP as a fic once, though we ended up not keeping it up. In general I think I'm a pretty solitary writer, though I wouldn't rule it out entirely, but I'd have to really feel that both my style and my writing process meshed well with my collaborator.

14. what’s your all-time favorite ship?

I'm too much of a multi-shipper to have a real answer to this.

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

If I want on any level to finish it, then I consider it still on the table. It might take me years to get back to it, but I still mean to. I still want to finish Small Blessings. I still want to finish Radio Silence. I trust that their time will come, even if it's not now.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Character voice, I think. Both dialogue, and getting inside a character's head and writing a plausible inner monologue.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Combat, always combat and action scenes, though I do think I'm getting better with practice.

Selfishness. As soon as I need to write something as an obligation to someone else, I don't want to do it, which is why I'd make a terrible professional writer, at least one who has to write to order.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

Just write it. You don't have to italicize it or put some kind of indicator marks around it. Language is language. I think it's fine to post translations as a footnote but I don't think it's 100% necessary all the time, when it's something the reader can easily look up for themselves. I know I'm willing to do that kind of legwork for a fic I'm enjoying. I suppose it depends on the reader, and what kind of reader you want.

There are also times when it's perfectly fine to just write it in English (or the default language of the piece) while indicating in the narrative that the character is actually speaking in another language, such as ASL. Again I don't think you need to italicize or use some kind of weird formatting. Just write "He signed," and what he said in quotes like you would any other dialogue. If you've firmly established already that a character primarily speaks in ASL, you might not even need that. The reader can keep up.

Things do shift a bit when you're writing in a fictional language, especially one that's very incomplete and not a true conlang. I'll go with the obvious example of Dragon Age's Elvish (and yes, canonically the language is called Elvish or Elven, it's not called Elvhen, that's the people, not the language). Even if I string the appropriate words together, the meaning might not always be strictly clear to the reader out of context because Elvish is a pretty simple cipher. It doesn't have conjugation, for example. Nonetheless, I think often context clues can be enough for an engaged reader, especially if it's a word we encounter a lot in canon. Where it might not be clear, and if it's very important to the story, I will usually simply work some kind of translation into the narrative itself. This can work particularly well when your POV character also has it as a second language. Example from my Briala/f!Tabris draft:

Gheyna and Cammen, having finished tending to the halla, stood aside, hand in hand, and Gheyna waved. "Dareth shiral, Keeper. Talith, Briala, dareth shiral. Sylaise ma ghilana vhenas." Cammen added solemnly, "Dareth shiral, Talith. Elgar'nan ma ghilana, lasa mala enasalin." At that, Talith's expression grew solemn as well. "Ma serannas, lethallen. Dareth shiral." Briala recognized a few words. Dareth shiral, "Safe journey." Vhenas, enasalin. And the names of the elven gods. Gheyna had bid the Hearthkeeper guide them safely home.

I personally prefer to stick to what we have in canon for Elvish (I'm not going to set myself up to be jossed if I don't have to), or if I ever really need an unknown word I'll make something up for myself. While there are some fanmade Elvish dictionaries out there, I'm not comfortable hanging too much of my own work on someone else's fanon, and also I inevitably disagree with some of their decisions on ambiguous canon words. (Ma does not mean "my," it means "you." This is consistent with every canon use of "ma" except one, and that one is in DA2 and is thus really, really likely to have been an oversight due to rushed development; every other instance of "ma" supports it meaning "you." Sorry, that has been eating at me for ages and I needed to get it off my chest. 😅) That said there are multiple fanmade Elvish dictionaries out there at this point, so if you're going to use someone else's, in this case I would strongly recommend supplying the reader with a link, both to credit the author and so the reader knows where to go to look up the words if they choose to. Don't assume that everyone knows you're using so-and-so's Elvish dictionary; I had never even heard of the big popular one until a couple years ago.

That was a lot, but at the end of the day, it's all about making a judgment call on how much you need to hold the reader's hand, as with anything; I personally tend to err on the side of trusting my reader, and if I assumed too much, well, maybe that's my mistake and maybe that reader wasn't my target audience anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️ You'll figure out what's right for your work.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

The first fandom I wrote for was actually Dragon Age, but that early writing never saw the light of day. First fandom I posted fic for was Fallout.

20. favorite fic you’ve ever written?

OH MAN. That's hard! I referenced The Drop, my Mainelina trilogy for RvB, multiple times in this post so obviously I'm still pretty fond of it. I'll add to that Inroads, my Kimbalina series. For Fallout, I'm real happy with Home Front (Amata/F!LW) and Cast Your Bread Upon the Water (Dr. Li/Star Paladin Cross, past Dr. Li/Catherine/James). And for Dragon Age, my current faves are No Woman Rules Alone (Anora/F!Tabris) and A Pot to Piss In (Sera backstory fic).

[vampelune]

new year new... idk

haven't made a proper new years post in a while. i think this year kinda earned one.

tw: death, suicide, and so on

so... 2023.

where do i start?

a lot of good. and way, way more bad. but i don't want to lose sight of all the good because of it.

for the first time after knowing these guys for over a decade, i met my best friends nate, kathy, and kai in real life. spent over a week together with them, went to a con, got to share a bed with them the whole time, and force nate to eat a bunch of american food.

but. a month later, kai killed herself. and i'm still dealing with that. probably will be for the rest of my life. she was my best friend, i would call her my soulmate, my sister. she meant the world to me. i wish i could've spent every day of the rest of our lives like we spent that week in DC. i regret all the things i didn't do yet with her. all the things i couldn't do for her, to help her.

i miss her. a lot. i've just gotten to point finally, after she passed on aug 28, where just the thought of her doesn't make me spiral into misery and cut myself. i still get the feeling sometimes---i travelled again for the first time since our trip to DC, to see my childhood best friend graduate, and the entire plane ride was miserable. i just thought of her the whole time, because the last time i'd been on a plane was to see her, and then to leave her. and i kept thinking about how much i fucking wished i could've taken her back to vegas with me. she joked about it, when they dropped me off the airport, got out of the car and pretended like she was leaving with me. i wish she could have.

she made the year really stressful. from her new relationship to the constant troubles that came with it, to her psych ward visit, and then her constant attempts. over and over. and i had to keep stopping her, fighting with her. found out her whole philosophy on suicide---that it's her body her choice, and therefore anyone not wanting her to kill herself is being selfish, and that it was just a difference in philosophy. it was difficult. the conversations i had with her, i didn't want anyone else to hear. unfortunately it all spilled out, and then she took her own life.

i would've dealt with that for the rest of our lives if i had to, though. if it meant i could still talk to her, to see her again. i would've foiled her suicide attempts and argued with her and fought with her about it until we both grew old if i had to. i wouldn't have had to, i hope. but it was hard to convince her that there was any life to live other than this, for her. that she wouldn't feel this way forever.

it was a difficult year, if not for that already, but on top of that i was still dealing with the aftermath of a bad, drawn out breakup. so while trying to help her, i was barely able to help myself cope and move on from that---the fights and the shitty words and feelings. i felt pretty close to trying to attempt myself, last year. i'm better now. back on my medication. and while my self-harm is still an issue, it hasn't been for a couple months. its still on my mind, though. not always but a lot of the time.

i've been struggling pretty badly with feeling like i don't have a place in the world. worsened by the obvious, you know. i place a lot of my self and identity on the people around me---so who am i if not his boyfriend, if not kai's best friend? so much of my self-perception revolved around them.

there was a good month or two where i sort of just like... didn't want to exist, or accomplish anything. it's hard to describe but i felt like---why bother with transitioning? why bother with top surgery? HRT? legal documents? all that? if she's not here. i was her best friend, and she was always so proud and happy for me when i made progress---when i started growing a stache, she'd point it out everytime we video called and say "ooh, you look like a man, so handsome", or the more common, "you look like a fag". when my voice started dropping a bit, she noticed. it dropped even more this past month. i wish she could hear it.

this is certainly nsfw, but it makes sense in the context of our relationship (she was always very openly sexual around me, and vice versa. it was just part of our dynamic), but when we met up in july, i let her do... a lot of things lol. including suck on my nipple. which, yea, sounds weird, but it made sense for us. i told her now she had to live long enough to see me get top surgery, so she could test out if i still had enough feeling in my nipples. she said she would. so, for a while after she died, i felt like... i can't? or, why should i? if she won't be there, for me. if she won't be there to see my results.

it's really hard, thinking things like that. i'm struggling to not start crying right now. which is a miracle, honestly, i haven't been able to cry as much since i started T and yet because of her i've cried more in the past few months than i have in the year and a half since i started T.

i really miss her. i wish we could've done more, together. the week i spent with her felt like what i'd wanted my life with her to be for years. nearly a decade. you know, you grow up a mentally ill teen on the internet with all your most important friendships being these long distance people you've never met irl, and you talk and talk about what your life could be if you all lived nearby. and then for one week, that's what my life was. and i've never been happier in my life, genuinely. i wanted that to be my life, forever. it felt so comfortable and easy; i've notoriously had some bad anxiety issues about meeting up irl with people for the first time, i sort of shut down and go non-verbal, struggle to socialize or talk. but with her, kathy, and nate---i felt none of that. none of it. everything was so easy. i wasn't anxious or scared or anything.

i loved being with them. i loved doing mundane things like shopping at walmart and target with them while they pushed me around in the shopping cart. loved going to hot topic and picking out clothes with them. loved seeing the barbie movie in theaters opening week with them. going to a convention with them, something id' wanted for so long, because conventions are such a big part of my life and all i'd ever wanted was to share it with them. we cosplayed together. i put kai in my mikan cosplay, it fit her so well. when we went to the danganronpa meetup at otakon, she fit the part so easily even though she was kinda nervous. i still look at the pictures.

she really was a perfect mikan. nate was junko, you can see him on the right there, i was komaeda, and kathy was chiaki. it fit us all so well. i wish we could do it again.

it's been hard to wear my mikan cosplay again, after that. knowing she wore it.

i miss her a lot. but i'd be remiss to not mention that despite how awful this year was, i am hoping for a lot better in the upcoming one, and i'm going to make it so. and i know last time ifelt this way, a pandemic suddenly happened and things got worse, but i'm really gonna try, lol.

so what do i hope for, this year?

i'm going to see kathy & nate again, mark my words. i already have plans to see kathy in february and i'm going to enjoy myself the best of my ability, even if it'll be hard to be in her house again, considering the last time i was was when kai was there, too.

i want to get my passion for art back, and i think i'm already on my way to it. i want to get back into painting, both digitally and physically. and to draw with emotion rather than the intention to just make something pretty people will like.

back to the gym. rather stereotypical, but i gained a lot of weight after kai passed, and i want to get back in shape now.

drawing more things im passionate about rather than making myself stuck fixated on one interest.

top surgery. i wanna figure it out. even if i cant get it this year, i want to figure out what i need to do it.

a job hopefully. of some kind. just want to feel more stable money-wise if i can.

im just going to do things that ive wanted to do for a long time. im gonna stop putting it off. and just do it. because the time will pass anyways. so i want to do it now.

happy new year, everyone.

[paytato435]

About My Blog: 5/27/2024

Hey friends, it's been a minute! I feel like most of the people who look at my ROTTMNT stuff may already know this, but I thought I'd put this post out here just for anyone new who finds this blog or maybe just didn't know. I've taken a big break from doing anything TMNT related for the last few months, and I thought I'd just take a little time to talk about why.

To make a long story short, my silly little ADHD brain has moved onto a new hobby that now takes up all my free time. I'm in a band now!

And the rest of the story goes like this: You may have noticed I've started posting about and reblogging Waterparks and MCR stuff- they've inspired me to start writing my own music. It's really exciting because I've told myself all my life that making/playing music just isn't really something I could do for whatever reason, but I've decided that was silly and now I'm nearly four months into learning to play the guitar and it's actually really fucking fun. You can follow my silly little music journey over on my band's blog: Tornado Season.

As for my fic Snapper and Stinkpot, it doesn't feel right to abandon it. I do really want to finish it at some point, but it's going to take a lot of work to get there that I just don't think I can invest in right now. There are some major wrinkles I need to iron out even if I did drop everything I am already doing with music. That being said, I will probably have to write an ending to it at some point, because I really am proud of the story I have and I think it deserves the same love and attention I gave it almost a year ago now.

Finally, to the TMNT fandom itself: I'm over it, to be honest. I love the turtles, but the fixation I had on them has long since subsided. It's just how my brain goes, I guess. I haven't watched ROTTMNT in months, and I haven't drawn anything related to it in a hot minute either. I'm ready to move onto something new.

Thank you so much to everyone I've had the pleasure of interacting with in the ROTTMNT community! You all are so wonderful and inspiring to be around. I came to Tumblr looking for a more positive social media experience, and this honestly turned out to be such a wonderful and uplifting change in my life. I am a happier, healthier, and more motivated person because of you all.

Finally, I want to give a special thank you to my friends @randyzorra, @friskebits, @allyheart707, @karonkar, and @dluebirb. Just because we have one less thing in common now doesn't mean I don't still appreciate the shit out of all of you. I'll be around. <3

And thanks to anyone who read this far or just like... liked any of my stuff on here in general. You're a fuckin' trooper. Have a beautiful today, tomorrow, and next one. o7